#is a year younger than Mikey but the mom still talked about him like she loved him and even accepted Emma since Emma seemed genuinely hurt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

matsur1 · 2 years

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A Sanzu Haruchiyo x F!reader ff made for Sanzu Week 2022!

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Guns, and gunshots [I think that's all but if there are more that I missed, lmk<3]

Word Count: 6.5k

A/n: This is a compilation of the Sanzu Week 2022 series that I wrote!!

Your dad and the Akashi siblings’ dad were good friends even before you all had been birthed into this world. The moment your dad found out Mr. Akashi was having his first child, they both celebrated in joy.

A few years later, your dad and Mr. Akashi found out that both of them were having children at the same time. Making Mr. Akashi have his second child and you, your dad’s first child. Just like most moms, the dads also talked about how you guys could be good friends just like them. Mr. Akashi naming his son Haruchiyo and your dad naming you Y/N.

Now everyone was excited for your birth, but things happened. Your mom is a very busy worker who most of the time can’t come home due to her career meaning your dad does all the mom work. But Mr. Akashi said that his wife, Mrs. Akashi, could help him when he doesn’t know what to do and that both of them would be there to help.

Of course, as kids you both didn’t remember your times together. Then, Mrs. and Mr. Akashi got news again. Sanzu was having a little sister!! You both were still quite young so you and Haru didn’t really celebrate much. As soon as Senju, Sanzu’s younger sister, was birthed, Sanzu really thought she was beautiful, which she truly is. And you, you also thought she was very gorgeous. Aside from that, it’s like you’re having a sibling of your own too! Since you mostly hangout in the Akashi household. Soon enough, the three of you were starting to grow up so you could see more features of yourselves than before.

As you grew up, Sanzu made his own friends with Takeomi’s friend’s siblings and started to hang out with them! While Sanzu hangs out with them, you and Senju would usually play dress up. But when you weren’t present, Senju would play with Sanzu and his friends, sometimes picking up their manly accent.

One day, Takeomi and Sanzu were going to their friend’s household for a meeting and for Sanzu to play with his friends. Then Senju wanted to come with them and invited you to come along. Who were you to say no to meeting new friends and having fun with them, right? Or so you thought.

Senju introduced you to them. “Mikey and Baji, this is our friend, Y/N. She’s a lovely girl and she’s like an older sister to me. Be kind to her just like you are to me!!” Senju warned them. “Y/N, this is Mikey and Baji. They’re very nice and very kind gentlemen!” Senju exclaimed. Sanzu giving everyone a smile, keeping quiet and waiting for the introductions to finish so all of you could play.

After all introductions, everyone decided to finally play but Mikey announced, “Since we have a new friend, today is a special play day!” he spoke with confidence while everyone else tilted their head a bit, showing curiosity and confusion. Mikey went into his room for a minute and went out with something hidden in his hand, hiding it behind his back. “What are you hiding, Mikey?” Baji asked, trying to peak as to what Mikey was hiding. “I have a very cool surprise!! And none of you must touch it except for me,” Mikey said in a serious tone. Everyone’s eyes shone in excitement.

“Ja-Jan~!” Mikey said in surprise, showing his airplane model that his big bro, Shinichiro, made for him. He told everyone about how long it took Shin to finish which is why no one except him can hold the plane since it holds a special place in his heart. No one would want to see Mikey get mad, right? So none of you dared to touch the plane, everyone only played along with Mikey until you heard Senju scream in excitement that she wants one too but Takeomi, their older sibling, got mad at Senju for using such manly vocabulary which lead to Takeomi blaming Sanzu for it while you just stood there, wanting to do at least something but you were just a kid. A kid who was just like them, unlike Takeomi who basically took care of his siblings and played the father role for them ever since Mr. Akashi had been straying around due to the disappearance of Mrs. Akashi. It does make sense since Sanzu and Senju always hangout, but you still thought that it wasn’t totally Sanzu’s fault because as a kid, and a boy, it’d be normal for him to talk in a manly way which would make Senju pick it up. You felt down on their behalf.

Later, Sanzu went missing so you went to look for him to comfort him. When you finally spotted him, you were about to shout his name, but you saw him and Senju talking. So, you may or may not have heard the conversation they had. You were shocked but it wasn’t a rare occurrence for siblings to one day “hate” each other because of the nuisance the other is causing. You were an only child, but you always looked at siblings' relationships from afar making you understand different points of view making people think you’re so “matured” but in the end, you’re still a kid who wanted to enjoy your childhood.

Moments later, while you and Senju were reading manga, you heard screams. Making you and Senju flinch. You both ran to where the screams were coming from as soon as you could. The moment you arrived there, your eyes widened, heart beating faster than normal and mind blank. All you saw right at the moment was blood coming out of Sanzu’s mouth, blood on Mikey’s hand, and blood all over on the floor. Your breath hitched, not knowing what to do. All you could do was stare and stand there. You couldn’t even think of how Senju was probably so scared, witnessing this scene. “What should I do? What is happening? Why won’t my body move?” clouded your mind. Mind full of questions, you heard voices but your mind couldn’t pick it up well. You assumed Senju felt the same too.

Soon, Senju left on the verge of tears since Takeomi and Shinichiro told everyone they were going to visit the Shop for a minute, telling everyone should behave well.

Sanzu kept still so you decided to take this as an opportunity to talk to him about things. And it took a while for Sanzu to vent quite a lot of things that’s been bothering him. It all stopped when you heard a thud coming inside, so you asked Sanzu, “Should we check what that thud was?” But Sanzu shook his head no and replied, “You go on ahead, y/n.” You went to check and explored the Sano Household until you saw Senju crying on the floor. Asking what happened, she told you it was nothing but you assumed it was still because of the conflict between her and Sanzu. This time, you comfort Senju and asked her if she wanted to go and read manga since Shinichiro told you to make yourself at home and read some manga or play if you wanted to.

The moment you finally came back to your senses, all you could think of was to tell anyone. Be it anyone but a kid like you. Could be Shin or Takeomi. So you ran in their household until you found the front gate. You went outside to see if there were any people who could help. Running out of breath, you found some people in the distance so you ran as fast as you could towards them. Until you bumped into them. Ah, it was Shin and Takeomi on their way home. You were running after your breath so you couldn’t tell them as soon as possible. Soon, tears started dripping down to your cheek which made the both of them shocked, asking, “Hey hey, what happened? Are you okay?” Shinichiro softly spoke trying to calm you down. “Did something happen?” Takeomi asked. You couldn’t mutter words at the moment due to the shock kicking in so the least you could do was point at the house and Shinichiro ran towards the house as fast as he could to find out what happened. Then Takeomi was left with you to calm you down. “Hey Kid, calm down, okay? Shin already went there. Whatever it was that happened, it’ll be okay,” you could tell he was trying hard to sound calm but you knew that he was nervous to find out as to what exactly happened.

Later, Takeomi finally was able to invite you back home. You were still sniffling, holding his hand on the way home. He could tell you were shaking. So much. Then the moment you both came inside the house, you were greeted by everyone in the living room. Mikey being calm and composed while Baji was in shock. Senju crying and Sanzu with bandages on the sides of his mouth and some other parts of his face that Shin put on for him. Shinichiro looked serious. Looking directly at Mikey. It already looked like they were talking about what happened but silence came in when you and Takeomi came back home.

Takeomi immediately let go of your hand and ran towards Sanzu and Senju. Takeomi was too shocked to say anything else. All he could do was hug Sanzu and Senju.

Later, everyone had a talk. A long and serious one. Everyone now knew what happened but the reason? Mikey didn’t talk about it. Or should I say, he never talked at all.

This event truly traumatized you all. After your dad knew about this, he told you to avoid them from now on. It was only sometimes when you’d get to hang out with Sanzu and Senju again. You were isolated inside the house. It left you all alone in your own household. Basically becoming an inside child. It lasted long until you finally became a teenager. Of course, you wondered how everyone was doing now. So you decided to visit the Akashi household. And here you are now, in front of the Akashi household, rethinking your life choices.

You were nervous. Unaware of how they would react. You wanted to turn back and leave but deep down, you missed them. So much. Taking a deep breath, and convincing yourself it’ll be alright, you rang the doorbell. As seconds passed by, the more you felt cold sweat break through. Until finally, the doorknob slowly moved. You felt even more nervous, scared to confront them after years but you swallowed your pride and faced whoever it was behind the door.

It was Senju. She was all grown up just like you. Senju gasped in surprise. Running into you, hugging you. A few tears dripping from the both of you explained how much you both missed each other without having to speak words.

“Is this – Is this really you? Y/N?” Senju asked, “You’re all grown up now,” she added. “You’re all grown up too,” wiping the tears off your face. “How have you been???” You replied, “I’ve been doing pretty okay, how about you? And the others?”

Your conversation went on for a while so Senju decided to invite you inside. You noticed that the house was pretty empty and quiet so you asked Senju in curiosity, “Where are your brothers?” the smile on her face fading away. You tilt your head a little to the side, “If it’s personal then it’s okay –“ you were cut off. “Haru-nii went missing.” She said in despair. You were shocked. Flashbacks of the incident appearing in your head. “E- eh?” you stuttered. “We were all doing okay but one day he- he just disappeared. Everyone did. We all cut off ties,” Senju spoke in a guilty tone.

You tried to cheer the mood up by switching topics but it didn’t seem to work. Moments later, you just decided to go home and wrap it all up. Thinking where they could all be and why they disappeared all of a sudden. It took a while for you to fall asleep that night. Mind filled with thoughts. But you decided to cope with it just like Senju did. Sometimes, meeting up with her and hanging around the town.

One day, while you were shopping alone, you found a café and decided to settle in there. Ordering a cheesecake and iced coffee. While enjoying your meal, you took a good look outside the streets, admiring how lively the city is. Something caught your attention. Someone, in fact. The person had long lashes and the same hair color that Senju had. You wondered if it were a man or woman. Long pink hair and lashes with a black mask. It looked as if it was Senju’s long-lost sibling, you thought. They had someone beside them, a tall blonde and scary looking man with a weird haircut, no offenses to whoever that was. Then it slipped your mind.

You ran out of the café as fast as you could, running after them. But the crowd started to block your way. You had no other way than to scream the name you thought it was. “Haruchiyo!!!!!!” You shouted as loud as you could. Soon, people were weirded out by you so they made their way on the side to see who it was you were calling out for. There, in the middle of the side road, was the weird-haircut man and who you assumed to be Haruchiyo. The long-haired person didn’t look back but the tall weird-haircut man did. “You know her?” The tall man asked. Haru finally looked back and realized it was you. His eyes widened, but he kept quiet. You ran towards them and went to Haru, “Haru? Is that really you?” you were trying to catch your breath. Haru, which you assumed it was, could only give the tall man a look and the tall man left. “So it IS you?” you asked once again. “Mm.” You could barely hear those words but you immediately understood. As soon you processed that it really was Haru, you hugged him tightly, him barely hugging back but he patted the small of your back a little. “Let’s go somewhere else, you’re causing a scene in the public,” He finally spoke and used proper words, you thought.

You found yourselves in the park later on. You wanted to ask him why he disappeared so bad but you thought it’d make the atmosphere uncomfortable again so instead, you asked, “So, what are you doing nowadays?” Haru stood quiet for a minute, “Nothing much.” You groaned, “Yeah and what exactly is ‘nOtHiNg MuCh’?” you mocked him. He turned to seriously look at you in the eye signaling that it wasn’t funny at all. You lightly laughed, “Right right, sorry.” A few minutes passed by, “So what’s Tokyo Manji Gang? You in a gang now?” you innocently asked and read the words written on his shirt. No answers were given, so you answered yourself, “Yes, he is, y/n. Is it not obvious? Oh right whoops my bad. Thought I could talk to someone but looks like that’s not the case right now.” Making him hold back his laugh. He seemed more emotionless now. And quiet. Very quiet. But nonetheless, you still kept talking to him. Because you knew there was still a little Haru deep inside him that always caused trouble.

“Today, I went to a café. Right before I spotted you. I ordered iced coffee and a cheesecake. It was very delicious! I think you’d like the cheesecake. They’re your favorites, right?” You gave him a big smile. Not knowing you made him shocked because you still remembered his favorite even after a very long time. “One time, I’ll treat you there! Would you like that?” you softly asked. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” Sanzu turned to look at you and gave you a sweet smile.

Your heart warmed up at the sight. You really missed the past. How you were all so close, but now it feels as if there was a thick wall growing in between everyone. Still, you were grateful to see Haru once again. After a few moments of silence, Haru told you goodbye saying he needed to go do something so both of you told your goodbyes. You sweetly smiled by yourself while seeing Haru off. When he was finally out of your reach, you remembered. You forgot to at least ask his contact number so you both could keep in contact. That’s when you realized, you fucked up. How are you even supposed to know where he usually is? Or hangs out? How are you both supposed to meet up and eat cheesecake together? What a dumb mistake it was. “Fucking Haru, did he do that on purpose?” You mumbled in anger. Why’d he give you such a sincere smile and accept your offer then? You were so mad at yourself that you could shout right then and there. The opportunity was right in front of you for minutes. Even an HOUR. You left the park and stomped on your way home.

Returning home, you took a cold shower and dressed up in comfortable clothes. Angrily jumping on top of your bed, you heavily sighed. “Will I ever get to see him again after this?” you asked yourself. Tsk. But knowing that he disappeared even to his own family, you knew he wouldn’t appear in front of you ever again, would he?

Months passed, every time you go outside and shop, you’d always try to look for Sanzu in the surroundings. Basically low-key looking for him. But you never saw him again after that time at the park. You checked the park, the café and around the place for him or that guy you found him with. But no traces were found. God, you could be a detective just to find Haru.

And today was another usual day for you to go out in the city and explore – more like find Haru in the fields but alright. You happened to find a pretty formal dress which you assumed you’d probably need one day, so you decided to check the store. It seemed like a formal clothing store. While you were inside, you found someone buying a pink suit that matched the color of his hair. His hair reminded you of Haru but you didn’t think Haru would actually have that kind of style or would style his hair up in a ponytail. And *cough* no offense to Haru or anything - You couldn’t get a clear view of his face since he was turned in the opposite direction that you were facing and you didn’t want to creep him out by making him look at you or calling him out or anything. Sure, last time you did shout in the public because you found Haru but you were 90% sure this man wasn’t Haru. Once again, Haru didn’t have that kind of fashion sense so… you just left it alone. (No offense to him I swear) But that didn’t mean you’d stop looking for him every single day. Well not unless you were hanging out with Senju. She’d surely laugh and probably tease you even if you were just trying to help her out by finding her brother.

You and Senju had decided to do a 3-day overnight in the Akashi household since Senju had been telling you how lonely she’s been feeling lately. You’ve both been doing Movie marathons and skin cares every night and lots of fun stuff that girls normally do on overnights. But on the third day, Senju told you she had to go somewhere in the afternoon. You decided to go out too so you didn’t have to feel too lonely. Looking around some stores, visiting the library, going to a coffee shop, and all those self-loving stuffs that people do. It was dawn so you decided to finally go home, thinking Senju was waiting for you at home. You opened the door, removed your shoes, and yelled, “I’m back!!” but it was still quiet. Was Senju still out? Then you found a note on the fridge, reading, “Heya y/n! I got something to do tonight so you can go on and sleep without me. You don’t have to wait, I’ll be back late. Cook whatever you want, the fridge still has food and some pizza left. Take care<3” Oh? Senju? Out late? You thought it was okay at first since you also went home late at times.

You cooked some mac n cheese for dinner. You ate alone, house quiet with dim lights. After eating, you decided to get ready for bed. Checking the time, it was 8:09 pm. What’s taking Senju so long? You were genuinely worried for her. You were also scared that you’d lose her just like you lost Haru. And you didn’t want it to happen again so you decide to get into your shoes, lock the house and look for Senju. You ran and ran everywhere. Turning in every direction.

You ran out of breath after running around the town. You found yourself where the train runs. You sat down on one of the benches that train stations usually had. You were trying to catch your breath, wondering if Senju would disappear too. You sat down there for minutes then realized you heard screaming and shouting in the distance. You could barely hear it if you didn’t focus well. You decided to check what was going on. It was quite foggy since it was probably very late. The shouting gets louder and louder as you got closer. Then the fog cleared up, showing hundreds of people fighting. Your heart was beating even faster now. What have you gotten yourself into? You then recognized something. These uniforms, they looked familiar. You take a closer look, trying to avoid catching anyone else’s attention. Oh. There it was. Tokyo Manji Gang was written on these people’s uniforms. There were also ones in white. Is this a massive gang fight? Should I call the police right now?

You were about to run and call for the police until something caught your eye even more. It was Senju. And she was fighting a… a pink haired man in a ponytail. W… was it Haruchiyo??? They were in the middle of the whole crowd and you didn’t know any other way to get there to stop them without being involved in fighting. But an idea struck your head. You crouched down and tried to go through the crowd. Covering your head while your body kept being kicked and stepped on. Since there were a bunch of unconscious bodies on the ground, people didn’t notice you at all. You crawled and crawled, until you finally reached them, but the time you reached them, Senju was already knocked down on the floor and Haru was missing again. You tried to wake Senju up, but she really was knocked down. You brought her body to the side, away from the riot so she wouldn’t get hurt. Next plan was to find Haru. You looked around to find a pink haired man that should’ve stood out but he was no longer in the crowd. So you decided to walk around the crowd where he could possibly be hiding. You went round and round ‘til you found a train. You didn’t mind it but you saw a shadow inside the train. You decided to check it out if someone was still there, then maybe you could ask for help.

“Hey!!” You yelled as you made your way in front of the train. The closer you got the more you recognized who it was. “Haru?!?” you shouted. His head took a peak to see who it was. “Y/N?!?!” He was more shocked than you were. “What the fuck are you doing here???” He asked. “No no no, what are YOU doing there???” You pointed at the train. “That’s none of your business. Now get out of here!” He warned you, but you stood there trying to figure out what he’s trying to do.

Your eyes widened, “Could it be…Haru???” You walked towards him, about to step into the train and stop him. “I said leave!!” He shouted. “I won’t and I don’t want to. Stop this shit Haru!” you yelled back. He let out a ‘tsk’ and finally removing his hands from the train. But then, he reached for the bag behind him, looking like he was searching for something. Then he let out a katana. Eh?- what was he gonna do with that? Don’t tell me – “You leave me no choice, y/n.” He firmly told you. “H-Haru?” you stuttered, slowly stepping back. “I warned you twice, y/n.”

He swung the pommel part of the katana at your head very harshly. It felt like he put all the pressure to hit you in the head. Then pointed the pointy part at the veins of your neck. You were getting unconscious. You felt dizzy and your vision slowly started to go black. Until you felt nothing anymore.

Haru then put his katana back down and brought your body out the train and started continuing what he was doing. You could still hear a bit of things. Someone yelled again, “Sanzu… what are you doing he- Eh?- Who is that???” He was once again interrupted. He was very annoyed now. “No one you need to know.” He paused for a moment. “What the hell are you doing here Kakucho?!”

“It’s just as Takemichi said…”

It was until there that you could hear what they said.

You woke up. Your vision wasn’t clear yet. You felt a severe headache kick in. You were in a hospital room, you assumed. Someone was there beside you, sleeping. Then your vision finally became clear. Oh. It was Senju. “Senju…?” you quietly mumble. She slowly moved her eyes and woke up. Her eyes widened and tears started streaming down her face. “Y/n!” she shouted as she tightly hugged you. “Keep it down a little, will you?” You playfully told her. Your voice still a little hoarse. “It’s been years, how could I keep it down?” She smiled while she sighed, wiping her tears away. Wait – years?--- This time, your eyes were the ones to widen up. “Years…?” you slowly spoke, unaware of what she was saying. “Y/n… you’ve been in a coma for years…” she responded. “I- I’m sorry, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have –“ guilt struck her once again but that was none of your worries right now. “No no no, I-“ you tried to stand up and walk towards the door but the moment you stood up, you fell down to the floor. “Y/n!!” Senju yelled. “Are you okay?” she asked you. But you were once again trying to process things. “The doctor said that when you wake up, you won’t be able to do many things as much as you used to. Because your muscles haven’t been used too well for years. Hold on here, I’ll call the doctor,” She informed you while helping you go back to the bed and rest.

A few moments later, the doctor came in and informed you about the things you should be doing. The doctor also told you about taking physical therapy. You basically just agreed on everything the doctor had said.

And there it was, months of physical therapy. You never realized how hard it was to walk. You honestly missed the days you could peacefully walk with ease 🥲 but after months of being in the hospital. Today, you were finally getting discharged. Of course, Senju still helped you on the way home and clean your apartment. She kept insisting that she’d stay the night at least for today but you assured her that you could handle things properly now.

The next day, you were supposed to look for new clothes since the clothes in your apartment had some permanent stains on it. But then you got lost since the city changed a little. You found yourself in a sidewalk with some open shops and some abandoned buildings. You tried to locate the current place you were in by checking GPS on the phone, but apparently there was no signal. Oh what luck you had today. You heavily sighed as you tried to look around and remember the place. Although there were abandoned buildings, the place was still crowded with people. You simply looked around and sometimes rated people’s outfits out of boredom. Then, someone caught your attention. A light pink haired guy wearing a pink vest and pink suit pants. Your mind rated it a nine out of ten but all of a sudden, you couldn’t get it out of your mind. It lingered at the back of your mind. It felt like a whole déjà vu. You sat down and thought for a whole minute. Then you remembered, right it was that suit you saw at the clothing store, the one who had the same ponytail as the guy at the train incident. The same hair color and shade of pink. What just differed were the hairstyle. Could it be-? You tried to run after him. Again. You didn’t know why you kept running after him, looking for him, and searching for him. It’s not like there was any valid reason for you to do so. Especially after what he did to you. To be honest, all that you wanted was just to see him again. To see his face and that sweet smile he had on his face.

After all, everything was just a déjà vu, wasn’t it? You, always running after him. But who cares? What matters is, you gotta find him and secure his sweet smile from being tainted.

After a few weeks of visiting the same place that you found Haru in, you still haven’t gotten a single trace of him nor have you found him.

One time, it was 4:00 pm but it started raining and you didn’t bring an umbrella. You decided to find a shelter but the only buildings you could see nearby were abandoned buildings. The rain started pouring heavier so you just went into one that looked stable. It was quite dark in there, making it look like it was nighttime. Finally settling down and trying to dry your clothes, you heard a low and dangerous voice say, “Who’s there?” you flinched at the sudden voice. “I- I was just settling here since it was rainin-“ You heard a gunshot and in instinct, you put your hands up. Your heart started to beat so fast and loud. You almost saw your life flash right before your eyes. “Leave.” The man firmly ordered you. At the same time, thunderclaps got louder, making you flinch even more.

Seconds of silence until he spoke again, “Tsk. Make sure you stay still then,”

Minutes went on and you just stood there. You sat down somewhere stable, making yourself comfortable as if no one was there. “You sound like someone I know… but I don’t think they’d handle a gun.” You randomly told the man. You were still scared but, you just felt like sharing it. “I told you to stay still woman.” He fought back. “I am still, I just talked, chill man.” You argued, mocking him a bit. You don’t know either why you talked like that to someone who is probably a criminal but, something about him made you feel comfortable enough to talk back like this to him. Then you heard footsteps, you thought it was the man who held the gun but it turns out it was someone else. “Who is this, Haruchiyo?” another voice boringly said.

Wait, Haruchiyo?- Was it him after all?- You slowly turned around to take a look at their features.

“I told you not to turn around.” Haru spoke through his teeth.

“Haru…” you softly spoke. He pointed the gun towards you, hesitation clearly showing. His finger, about to pull the trigger. …Bang!

“Stop, Haruchiyo.” The other man ordered.

You closed your eyes, thinking you were gonna be shot. But when you opened your eyes, you could see a white-haired man in a black tee, pointing the gun that Haru held downwards, saving you from being shot.

You heavily sighed in relief, knees dropping down to the floor, and tears flowing like a river. You could hear footsteps grow louder as they get closer.

The white-haired man raised your chin using his index and thumb finger. Taking a very close look on you while you were sniffling and tearing up. “Tell me your name,” He firmly told you. “Y/N,” you responded. Another tsk being heard from the back.

“I see. It’s nice meeting you again, Y/N.” He gave you a little smile, letting go of your chin and going back to Haru. He whispered something to Haru, but that was none of your concern. The man knew you?

“Wait… who are you?” It was your turn to ask. “Mikey.” He answered and went back to whispering something to Haru. A few seconds later, you calmed down. But then... “HAH?!” Haru’s voice echoed in the whole building. Making you curious and you looked at him. He was hiding the blush on his face. Mikey smirked then spoke, “Bye bye.”

“Wait! Boss!!!” Haru once again screamed. But he was too late, Mikey already left. You were clueless, still sitting there. Then Haru turned to give you a cold look so you tried to avoid eye contact. Looking away, he walked towards you. “Stand up. The floor’s dirty.” He spoke, lending you a hand. You slowly turned to look at him and his hand. Accepting his kind offer, you stood up and cleaned the back of your pants. It was still raining hard, so you both decided to watch the busy road through the one-way windows.

“I’ve been looking for you,” you softly confronted him. “I know,” he replied. “What do you mean by ‘I know’?” you asked. “You think you’re being slick? I’m part of the most criminal gang, let that be known, Y/N.” He spoke in a serious tone.

You huff, “So you and Mikey do those type of things now? Wow.”

“This is stupid,” he scoffed. “It isn’t, Haru.” You seriously said.

“I’m sure you have a reason for doing this. Your actions and you disappearing every single fucking time.” You lightly laughed, “It annoys me and I might come off as crazy for, y’know, still not letting go of a literal wanted guy that’s face hasn’t been seen. But you’re still the same. You and Mikey. You both still have a heart deep down. It’s just hard to search for and to tame.” You slowly turned around, walking towards him, “Your feelings will always need to be understood, Haru. Be it a murderer’s, an assassin’s, or the most wanted criminal gang’s.” You hugged him. “I can’t do anything to save you from your actions anymore but I’d gladly go down with you,” you slowly pat his back.

Seconds later, you could feel your shoulders get wet. Small sniffles heard on the side of your ear. You laugh it off, “Are you actually crying right now??”

“No, shut up.” He backed away from the hug, wiping his nose. You gave him a smile, then you noticed that the sun was finally back. Then you were finally able to take a good look at Haruchiyo. “Oh right! I promised to treat you cheesecake, right? Today’s good, yeah?” Not even waiting for his answer you grabbed his wrist and pulled him. You both went to the café that you told Haru about years ago. Thankfully, it was still open ‘til this day.

You went to the cashier and ordered while Haru sat down on a table. “I’d like two cheesecakes please, thank you.” You told the cashier. “Okay, two cheesecakes, is that all?” The cashier asked. You hummed yes as a reply. Then went to the table where Haru sat down. You kept a conversation going on between you two, basically catching up over the years.

It somehow turned into a serious conversation about what Haru did to you for years, especially the coma part.

“I’m… sorry for everything. I made you suffer over the years –“ you cut him off, holding his hand, “Haru… it’s okay. It hurt a ton of shit but you can suffer the consequences later on.” He painfully laughed, not knowing if he should feel relieved or what. “Actually, I –“ He was cut off once again.

“Here are your cheesecakes!” a worker came up to you two, giving you your orders. “Thank you.” You kindly told the worker as the worker walked away. Haru then started to enjoy his cheesecake, cheeks full. Having a small smile on your face, you started to enjoy your cheesecake as well, forgetting that he was supposed to say something.

After eating your cheesecakes, you both left the café. The moon was surprisingly showing up. Oh how time passes by so fast. You both were walking to I don’t know where either, until you remembered something, “Oh! Right,” you talked to yourself, Haru got curious and looked at your direction. You were looking for something inside your bag. When you finally found it, you handed a little bag to Haru. “Hm? What’s this?” He asked. “Open it yourself, idiot,” you teased him. He scoffed, slowly opening the bag. It was a necklace of his birthstone. With the name “Haru” engraved to it. “It was supposed to be a birthday gift for you back then but since you kept disappearing, I didn’t have the chance to give it to you. But Happy Birthday Haru!” You gave him a big smile. A sweet smile appearing on his face because you didn't forget his birthday. You were happy to see Haru smile again. “There’s something better that I’d like as a birthday gift though,” he stated.

“Eh?- Do you not like it? I’m sorr –“ he cut you off by grabbing both of your wrists, and placing his forehead on top of yours, “It would’ve been better if I got a kiss from you, y’know?” he slowly blushed but he chose to close his eyes instead. You chuckled, in nervousness and in embarrassment. Did he just- say that?- you asked yourself. “I love you so much. I wasn’t in my right mind when I hit you- I’m really sorry, y/n. I’ve always liked you. But I don’t think you deser-“

You kissed him. On the lips. Yes, the real deal kiss. Man, was he lucky. But you were luckier, you thought to yourself.

The light poles finally turned on, full moon, quiet streets, and him letting go of your wrist, hands travelling down to your waist, holding you tight, kissing you back.

Fin.

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avisisisis · 2 years

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ROTTMNT Headcanons!

All the turtles are neurodivergent. All of them.

Casey didn't let Casey Jr steal her name, so now everyone calls him Junior or CJ. He doesn't mind, he's just glad to have his mom back.

April and Sunita actually knew eachother from when they were younger. There was a time where Sunita stole a cloacking broach? (I forgot its name), ran away for a while and went to kindergarten for a day. Her and April got along immediately. They can't remember meeting before now, but it did happen.

When he was younger, Raph was more... angry. A bit more like the 2012 version. He felt horrible when he accidentally hurt one of his brothers, so Splinter taught him how to channel his anger in a healthy way. He still snaps sometimes.

When he was younger, Leo decided that he didn't like himself. Like, at all. So he changed everything he was until he became what he is now, the face man (and later on the leader).

He still hates how he turned out to be sometimes though.

Mikey not only paints, but also makes sculptures! He uses Leo as a model because he loves making cool poses. A while after they met April, he started using her as a model too because he never saw a human up close and he wants to learn how their anatomy is so he can draw her in the family portraits he makes.

All the siblings have their own way of making art. Donnie's good a blueprints, Raph makes plushies, Leo designs clothes, Mikey draws and April reaaally good at music. Mostly singing.

Donnie made Raph a special knitting thingy because he can't hold the normal ones. His hands are too big.

Leo was bored, scrolling through the internet and saw a video about clothes and thought “huh. I could do something better than that” and it turned out that he could, in fact, design something better than what he saw.

April sings a lot. While baking (she sucks at cooking), when she's playing videogames, in home when there's no one around, etc.

April's mom isn't around much because she has a fulltime job, so April invites the turtles to hang out almost every week.

Casey is really good at strategizing. She's more of a blunt force person but she makes a plan, and a backup plan, as she rushes into battle. She's similar to Leo in that way, so they always play strategy games thing to beat eachother. Their matches last hours.

Leo once was really upset. He didn't know what was the exact reason, but he felt like he was just a liability. So, since most people complained about him always talking all the time, he decided to shut up. It didn't last even an hour, because when he went to get breakfast he realized that when his brothers say that he's annoying they don't mean it seriously. Really, they were so worried about him.

Leo, April and Sunita go to April's house to gossip. They also invite Mikey sometimes.

Leo's actually really good at cooking. He just adds whatever he wants whenever he wants, so sometimes what he makes tastes like a god made it, and sometimes they're so horrible Donnie faints at the sight of it (once. That happened once, and Donnie will never let it go).

Mikey cooks when he's upset. After the Shredder, and also after the movie, he started cooking a lot more. He disguised it as him wanting to let Casey Jr try as many stuff as he can (which is true), but no one really believes that that's the only reason. They don't talk about it though, and Mikey's grateful about it.

The boys have no healthy coping mechanisms. Only like two each one.

It took them a while (years. It took them years) to warm up to Draxum, but once they did, they started to think of him as Dad too. Mikey called him that from the start, but the others didn't. Leo almost cried when he found out.

Leo jokes about disowning Draxum because of the roof incident. Donnie jokes (kind of) about disowning Leo because of everything in his life.

We all know that Raph has separation anxiety, but it got a lot worse after the movie, to the point where he had to know where the others were going or else he'd worry himself sick. It took months for him to relax a bit, but it was still a huge issue.

Mind Raph is actually a manifestation of the boys mystic powers and they never realized it. It's a branch of the mind meld thing (we need more of that. Like the creators told us the boys can link their thoughts and they never talked about it ever again?? The potential it had was huge).

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wheelcr · 2 years

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tell us tell us pls ^^ how did you and mike wheeler meet / get close w each other??

ty for the ask sweet nonie! this might be a super long story time / rant so please uhhh buckle up JSHSJJDNSJ

so basically, in my stranger things dr, me and mikey are actually ( kinda ) neighbors and have been since i moved to hawkins when i was like 6. we would see each other on the way to school sometimes or like i would catch him biking around in front of my house, but we never really interacted save for some awkward waving across the street / hall in school

until like 5 months later, when my mom just had to befriend the wheelers ( love her so so much, but her social butterfly - ness is not for me ) and invite them over for dinner. our families were chatting it up and everything, nancy was super nice to me and called me pretty which made me giggle and blush ( i was over the moon omg ) then my beloved mother who just can't keep her mouth shut was all like "my sweet rosie and michael are the same age aren't they? say, why don't the two of you go play in the living room? or upstairs?" or something along the lines of that yadda yadda basically she wanted us to hang out

now i didn't really find it as a big deal but like my only friend in hawkins at that point was dorothea from homeroom, who was a pretty, smart, proper princess. i had no idea how to interact with mike + the hangout was fucking terrible, one of my worst memories in my dr

first off, i tripped and fell down the stairs ( i was fine dw my ass just hurt ), mike then ended up stepping on one of the legos i left on the floor due to me not cleaning up cause i wasn't even expecting anyone to be up in my room that evening, us fighting over the television and the awkward small talk and him cringing at some of my tastes which i found super rude

but then after we had like this really small, brief, yet actually really sweet moment when we bonded over being complete losers. like how i only had one friend and felt like i didn't fit in anywhere and he comforted me and told me he could be my friend if i wanted and kaiauejfn i told him that "i'd think about it" but my lil 7 year old heart was doing flips istg so— that was an epic semi - first impression, and after that, i honestly had no idea where i stood with mike wheeler

that interaction was honestly it for a while. we went back to being strangers who had a soft n sweet lil moment in my bedroom. until one afternoon that finally solidified our 'bestfriendship' as he liked to call it

i spent overtime after class hours helping out with my favorite teacher, mrs miranda, chatting her up just to gain a few extra credits maybe ( yes, ik, slay me ) and i walked out to find mike was getting verbally assaulted and spat on and all that by fucking dickhead troy around the side of the school. i was thinking like 'i knew this mike guy was a fuckin loser but really? troy? that braindead kid from english— oh shit i have to help him don't i' so i did what any logical person would do and walked right up behind him, and grabbed a fistful of troy's hair!!

now, the funny thing is, i'm a few months younger than both of these guys yet, at 7 years old, still stood at around 4 inches taller, so he really couldn't do much to me if he tried. that being said, i yanked this guy's head back and yelled in his face something along the lines of "leave right fucking now", and although my voice cracked on the word 'now' it definitely still did the trick

anyways that's basically the story of how we became friends! the incident with troy earned me the nickname tiger, for the cool 'cool roar thingy' i did in the poor boy's face, which mike still calls me to this day. when i asked him one time during lunch break "why not something like a lion or whatever?" he shrugged and explained that tigers are cool— plus it just so happened that on that specific day, i was wearing my mismatched, tiger striped ribbons that i used to be obsessed with. the faint scar on my cheek also reminded him of a whisker, i guess, how he noticed that? i have no clue

#⠀💭 ۫⠀love letters.⠀୨୧⠀· ˚ 𓈒 #꒰⠀file : stranger things⠀꒱#bike wheeler!#sooo yes #the story of patchler #HWHAJAHDJ #🏩 — nonnie ♡︎#patchler.#TTHIS WAS SO LONG IM SORRY #mike wheeler #mike wheeler fluff #shifting #reality shifting #mike wheeler x reader #desired reality #stranger things #storytimes.

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yellowhollyhock · 3 months

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Raph and Don being close is important. This gonna be a weird parallel but what if we could compare them to Angel and Casey?

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Gonna take the opportunity to share my headcanons and rants about Angel, and to a lesser extent, Casey.

Her grandmother—whom I’ve named Norma—is her mom’s mom. Her mom, Jenny, wanted to study music, hadn’t decided if she wanted to teach or perform, Norma talked her into a teaching degree instead, while at college she met Buddy and they had Ryan.

Speaking of Ryan—Angel got totally whitewashed in the Darkness Within episode, right? Anyways Buddy’s a white guy to explain somewhat where Ryan got his genes. But also. Pretend like Ryan looks normal and the whole fam didn’t get whitewashed. Pretend they’re both biracial and Angel’s just a little darker. I mean pretend whatever you want but I’m pretending that.

Ryan is about 4 years older than Angel. When she was born Jenny and Buddy moved back to NYC to be closer to Norma. Norma and Buddy did not get along, but they did their best. Casey Jones, 9 at the time, lived nearby. Buddy and Arnold Sr. became friends, so Casey met the Bridges. Jenny is killed in a car crash when Angel is 6, Ryan 10, Casey 15. Buddy is overcome with grief and still doesn’t get along with Norma—he leaves. Casey’s dad is killed by the Purple Dragons less than a year after that (I know he looks younger in the flashback but based on the specific way it affected him I hc teenager, he just hit his growth spurt late). So both families are going through it and they bond. Casey helps babysit Angel and Ryan a lot.

Ryan is a lot more withdrawn. He lives in his head (musical theatre nerd but refuses to speak out loud. Will eventually be persuaded to join choir).

Angel is explosive. Her and Casey bond a lot—they’re both processing, both grieving, and Casey’s enough older that he feels like he should be able to advise but he’s also just a kid. He really earns Angel’s respect the first time he breaks down crying in front of her. She brings him a piece of grass she picked from outside to cheer him up because she couldn’t find a flower. They have a very close bond. Ryan and Casey are friends, and Angel looks up to Ryan, but her and Casey have a very close bond.

And I so very adore. That you’ve compared them to Donnie and Raph. Because. Akkfkfkfk

Personality wise? You got two Raphs. Casey is more similar to Raph, while Angel is in some ways Raph and others Mikey, and obviously they are all different individuals, but the point is that personality wise, Angel isn’t the level head to Casey’s deep sensitivity, nor he the grounded in reality to her daydreaming. But the relationship? Absolutely is parallel.

It’s the dynamic of ‘you took care of me so I wanna take care of you.’ It’s ’we both know the worst things about each other and we’re safe with each other.’ It’s ‘I might be mad at the entire world but the second you need me I’ll set all that aside.’

It’s the way Casey, who hates the Purple Dragons, would not give up on his friend and took a huge personal risk going after her. Or how fiercely independent Angel caved immediately and ran for help when Casey was in trouble. Or how she stops him from killing Hun—that moment means so much to me. It does so much to establish Angel’s character, and cements a lot we knew about Casey too. Plus it’s so adorably sweet.

Basically, siblings who would die for each other. Which describes all the turtles but what about siblings who would talk about their feelings without dying of embarrassment—

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt angel #2003 Casey #just my headcanons #thanks for the ask!#2003 donnie #2003 raph

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thedo0zyslider · 1 year

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Late Night Talking (Rottmnt)

Leo and Donnie have a talk and get some much needed rest AO3 Link

Donnie was in his room, sitting on his bed with their back to the wall. It was strange for him to not be hauled up in his lab, working on some new invention. Their battle shell was thrown on the floor beside the purple bed. It was unusual for Donnie to expose his naturally soft shell.

He was sitting with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. Suddenly, Donnie let out a small noise as pain blossomed in his backside.

It had been about two months since the Kraang invasion, and Donatello still had not fully recovered from his injuries. Being thrown into the Technodrome’s control center hadn’t affected his softshell well, and the purple-clad turtle had been left with internal and external injuries. They’d been bleeding internally, which was bad for any species of turtle, but especially Donnie due to him being a spiny softshell. His species made his protective shell very vulnerable, and he often resented the fact. Without his battle shell he wouldn’t have even been able to attack the Kraang, let alone control that glorious ship. The outside of his shell was also bruised and bleeding, but that had been easier to fix up. The rest of his body has also sustained injury, but those had healed long ago. Though sometimes he still felt the Kraang’s tentacles around where his injuries used to be.

The thought of the Kraang tentacles still haunted Donnie’s dreams. It was part of the reason he hadn't slept well since the invasion, that and the ever persistent pain. The feeling of the alien tentacles on his skin, all slimy and gross made him want to throw up. It gave him goosebumps along his limbs. It was officially the worst thing Donnie had ever and will ever have the misfortune of touching.

His brothers had healed easier, physically anyways. The injuries Raph had sustained from the Kraang healed nicely, the eldest turtle was the first to fully recover. He only had a handful of broken bones, cuts, bruises and his damaged eye. He could still see out of said eye, just not as well as before. Raph had also had similar injuries to his younger purple brother where the Kraang had infected him as well, but those were long healed and less severe. The red turtle has gone back to his normal ways of being the mom of the group, just with more fussing over his hurt brothers

Mikey had sustained the most damage to his hands. Opening that portal to save Leo had left them bleeding and broken in multiple places, almost destroyed. Micheal was still wearing a few bandages, but most of his broken fingers had healed. Leo, as the family medic, was worried he would have to relearn how to do certain things with his hands when they were fully healed. Mikey didn’t seem to care though, as long as he could still draw.

Leo had been injured worse than Donnie. Their twin has been in a coma for three weeks. Which wasn’t the best, since they thought he was the one with the most medical knowledge. Donnie would argue he was just as good in medicine as Leo, but he hadn’t been able to walk, or move really, at the time due his spinal and shell injuries. Thankfully Casey Jr knew medicine. According to future boy, knowing how to heal any injury in the apocalypse was a valuable and necessary survival skill. And after seeing just a fraction of the Kraang invasion, Donnie didn't doubt him.

April, bless her, had wanted to help and quickly learned how to treat her brother's injuries. Donnie was unsurprised, she was always good at learning seemingly unlikely skills, like how to drive a crane. She’d been worried sick about all of them, dragging Draxum down to the new lair with her every day immediately after school and not leaving until late night. A few times Draxum has to forcibly remove her when she stays till the early hours of the morning. It didn't go well for Draxum, but watching their all-powerful yokai creator lose to an eighteen year old human had been quite amusing for the injured turtles. Once Leo had woken up she stopped being as worried. Having two experienced medics had made April feel better, and each turtle's recovery seemed to go just a bit smoother. Splinter’s had gone faster as well, but otherwise their beloved Papa had been relatively okay, the rat saying he’d “had worse than this in his action star days.” Somehow.

Draxum was also, surprisingly, worried about his experiments. Well, unsurprising that he was worried about Mikey. The sheep yokai had checked in on them often, even getting Mayhem in for a surprise visit to cheer them up. At least Leo had shut up about Draxum throwing him off a roof. Maybe the coma did that, or one of the various other head injuries the annoying blue turtle had sustained.

Leonardo was now using crutches, despite everyone agreeing that he should not be walking or doing much physical activity. But Nardo, ever stubborn, ignored their well intentioned advice and the fact that he had almost died. Most of his other injuries were almost fully healed, despite his concussion. That injury in particular was kicking Leo’s ass, and the blue-chlad turtle was loudly complaining about it when it wasn't affecting him too much. Other than that Leo was fine.

Donnie huffed in frustration at the thought. Why was he still injured so badly? He wasn’t the one who almost died because he was stupid enough to try and sacrifice himself! And why did the pain have to be terrible today? It was all because of his stupid, useless, in the way shell! It always was. The shell felt like a weakness when compared to his brothers, and Donnie loathed it and the immense pain it was currently bringing him.

He’d been taking painkillers to ignore the pain in his shell. A lot of pain killers, several milligrams higher than what was healthy to take. They were surprised he hadn't overdosed, but at the same time Donnie was a genius and too smart to take too much. He had been making sure he took way too much, but not enough to kill them. They guessed moving around when they shouldn't be had made their injuries worse, and now the pain killers had no effect. Leo would kill him if he found out Donnie had been using most of the limited and stolen painkillers they had, only for them to do nothing in the end.

Speaking of Leo, Donnie's annoying twin was opening his door. “Don-Tron?” The slider asked, stepping into the dim room. A look of concern spread over his features when he saw his sibling. It was rare to see his brother so noticeably upset. Nardo closed the door gently, and hobbled over to sit beside him on the bed. Don just turned to face his headboard. He was not in the mood for socialization, and especially not Leo’s bullshit.

“What time is it?” The younger twin asked, glancing at his brother. If Leo was going to be in his space he was going to get some information out of him.

“Uhhh, like two thirty in the morning? Maybe three?”

“Why are you awake?”

“Insomnia.” Leo stated plainly. Donnie decided he was done with chatting and glanced away, focusing his gaze of the neon lights in their room “You okay?” Leo asked. Donnie said nothing in response this time, just buried their head into their knees.

Thankfully, for once in his life, Leo knew when to shut up. Silence fell over them for several minutes. Nardo sat cross-legged on the bed next to Donnie, who knew he wasn't gonna leave until he achieved whatever is it he wanted to achieve. Unfortunately the silence was broken when more pain washed over the purple turtle, and they let out a whimper of pain.

“Your shell still hurts?” Leo asked, moving to sit closer to his sibling. Donnie just nodded in response.

“Have you been taking all my painkillers?” The blue turtle asked knowingly. “And now the pain is so bad they don't work anymore?” “Yeah..” Donnie muttered, admitting defeat. “How’d you guess?”

“Dearest Donald,” Leo said, as if lecturing his younger brother. “You do this every time you get hurt so you can work on your stupid little inventions.”

“My inventions are not stupid, they are a work of my technical genius” Donnie hissed, now in pain and annoyed.

“You mean the inventions like-”

“Nardo.” Donnie growled, cutting off their sibling before he could mention one of the freak accidents that happened when Donatello’s tech went awry. But it was called a freak accident for a reason, mostly because it was his brother's fault when it happened. Most of the time. Ninety percent of the time.

“Lemme look at your injuries” Leo sighed, dropping the sibling banter. Donnie sighed, moving slightly so Leon could examine his shell better. He needs to be confined to a bed but is sitting here being a medic, ironic. Donnie thought, ignoring the small flare of pain as Leo checked for any external shell injuries.

“Your injuries are still internal, because you haven’t been resting.” Leo declared a moment later, leaning away from his younger sibling again

“No shit, Leon” Donnie rolled his eyes.

“Instead of giving me attitude you should sleep in your bed instead of sitting on it.” The medic snapped back, gently flicking his siblings head. Donnie sighed. “You’re right.”

“I know.” Leo said, sounding almost smug about it. He stood up so the other could have room to lay down. “On the bright side, the outside of your shell is fully healed.” The blue turtle clutched his crutches like a lifeline.

“Woo.” Donnie deadpanned.

“You’re very happy about that.” Leo rolled his eyes, slightly amused by his siblings' unenthusiasm.

“Sigh. Sorry, it's just that bleeding internally doesn't feel very great.” Donnie moved to lay down on his stomach. “Now exit my bedroom, I am resting.” Their voice became mumbled as he shoved his face into a pillow.

“Why yes, Oh Great Donatello.” Leo said, wobbling towards the door. He closed it quietly behind him as he exited his siblings room, leaving the purple turtle to get so much overdue rest. Donnie heard him almost fall and gasp in pain when he left, which Leo thought he stealthy covered up. They made a mental note to bug Raph about keeping their brother bedridden when he awoke.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Leo was now alone in his dimly lit room, similar to how Donnie had a week earlier. Except this time he was curled up under his bed. He’d been having nightmares almost every night since the invasion. And if it wasn't a nightmare it was his injuries or insomnia keeping him awake.

This night’s nightmare had been particularly bad. It was about Leo’s time in the prison dimension. But instead of Leo being trapped it was his brothers, specifically Donnie. His brain had tormented him with images of his twin screaming in pain as the leader Kraang threw him around the void of the prison dimension. He’d dreamed of Donnie being thrown against walls, his goggles shattering in two. His battle shell had been ripped off, and his softshell exposed and injured horribly. It was similar to the injuries Donnie was currently still recovering from outside of his dream. The nightmare Kraang had infected his twin brother, like he had with Raph. And Leo knew how much Donnie hated touching the alien substance, having thrown up over it once. He had an image of a Kraangified Donnie in his head, being beaten senseless by the cruel alien leader. It was an image that wouldn't go away.

Leo shook his head, trying to literally shake his thoughts away. He felt his breathing quicken, throat constricting. The dream brought him panic, and reminded him of his own traumatic time in the prison dimension. He brought his limbs inside his shell, finding comfort in the action. His head was left barley peeking out, just in case he heard someone approaching his room and needed to act like everything was okay. Though he doubted most anyone would come to his room at, what time was it? Around two in the morning.

However most people were not his twin, who opened his door gently a few moments later. Leo didn't even need to see Donnie to know it was him. The twins often came to each other when they couldn't sleep. Leo was normally up due to insomnia, and Donnie didn't know what “sleep” meant when he had his head in a new piece of tech.

“Nardo?” Donnie asked, his voice still somewhat sleepy. Leo sighed, rolling out from under his bed and removing his limbs from inside his shell. The blue-chlad turtle was now laid out on the floor, looking up at his twin. “What, Donald?” He asked, slightly exasperated with the younger twin.

“Why were you under the bed?” Donnie asked bluntly.

“Nightmare.” Leo answer honestly

“Oh.” Donnie said. Leo changed the subject, knowing the younger wasn't good with things like emotion or personal stuff. “Why are you here?”

“Pain and a nightmare.” Donnie said, sitting on his brother's bed. Leo slowly stood, going to join them. The younger twin seemed to notice Leo’s slight panicked state. Donnie shifted closer, knowing touch helped calm Leo down. The blue brother shifted closer instinctively, making a conscious effort to not make Donnie uncomfortable with too much contact. They were barely touching, but it worked for Leo. His quickened breathing, which he hadn't even noticed, had gone back to normal. He gave Donnie a small nod when he’d almost fully calmed, letting his twin know he didn't have to do the touch thing anymore. Donnie still stayed put despite that.

They sat together in silence for a while afterwards, before Leo decided it was therapy night and they were getting personal. I’m sick of bottling this up

“Hey Don?” He asked, glancing at the other mutant.

“Yeah?” The sleepiness had now left his sibling’s voice.

“Why do you do the thing?” He asked. Don gave him a look that said What thing are you talking about? “Ya know, the thing where you drown your pain in painkillers?” “Oh.” His twin said again. They were silent for several minutes, seeming to contemplate what to say and if to go ahead with the mushy feelings talk. Both twins knew Leo would either change topic or go back to silence if Donnie didn't want to elaborate. They had full control over where the moment went. Leo liked to think that made them feel better, like they could be more honest.

Donnie eventually did speak, mind seemingly made up to go ahead with the impromptu therapy session.

“Because I feel useless and like you guys don’t need me when I can't be making tech. So I don't want to sit around recovering and be useless.” The truth came out of his twin rather easily, and Leo was surprised, even though he set the moment up. They hadn't had any sort of heart-to-heart since before they found Mayhem, so in like, four years. This was a rare moment with his sibling.

“You aren't useless without your tech, Donnie.” Leo said, “And even if you were, which would be impossible, we’d still love you because you're our brother.”

Donnie took a moment, taking a deep breath as he registered the words. “Thanks.” He said quietly

They lapsed into silence one again, enjoying the sincerity of the moment. Leo also didn't want to overwhelm his twin, so he waited a while to ask his next question. “What was your nightmare about?” “Kinda what I just said.” Donnie shivered at the memory of the dream. “Me being useless and left behind.” They clearly didn't want much more prying from Leo, so they changed the topic slightly. “What was yours about?”

“Prison dimension,” Leo muttered. “But instead of me it was you.” He took a breath. “I had to watch you get beaten by that thing-” The blue brother cut himself off, feeling his panic return as the dream was once again replayed in his mind. He buried his hands in his palms, shutting out his surroundings and focusing on trying to stay and not break down in front of the worst person to break down in front of. He noticed his breathing quicken this time, and the slight shake in his hands.

Donnie blinked in alarm, before moving closer to his brother, not quite hugging him. It was his own form of comfort. Leo knew this, and was glad it made him feel better, if only slightly. He was more of a physical affection person, but appreciated his twin's attempt.

“You okay?” Don asked, noticing how his brother's breathing returned to normal.

“Mhmm”

“You wanna sleep in here or elsewhere?” Leo guessed his sibling wasn’t up for sleeping in their own room anymore. And honestly, Leo isn't either

“If I have to stay in this room for one more minute I’m gonna lose my mind, Don-Tron.” He stated. Leo stood, removing his hands from his face and letting them fall to his side.The elder twin stood shakily, somehow hobbling over to the doorway with his leg injuries. Donnie followed him. Leo gently opened his bedroom door, trying to not wake any of the light sleepers in the house. Donnie not so gently tapped Leo’s leg with a crutch, as if reminding him he needed those to walk still. Leo sighed as he grabbed them.

“Living room?” The purple twin asked.

“Living room.”

#rottmnt #rise donatello #rise leonardo #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rottmnt donnie #tmnt donnie #rottmnt fanfiction #disaster twins #ron.fic #ron.writing #helping hands

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fartenthusiastwriter · 2 years

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The Saga of Billy Boy - Prequel 1 - The Introduction of Billy Boy

Before you can see the path that lies before Will, you must learn what made Billy Boy who he is today. I want to be explicit that while periods of his life that he would be a minor are referenced, there is no sexual content, explicit or implied. There is reference to bullying but not this is not intended to be anything of a sexual nature. There is also some not-quite-step sibling (mom's new boyfriend's son) incest fantasy. If any of these themes give you hesitation, feel free to skip the prequel parts. It is purely additional content about Will, but will not have a significant presense in the future parts. If you need it, here is a masterpost with links to all parts of TSOBB.

- - - - -

My mom started calling me Billy Boy when I was a baby. I was a small kid, so when the other kids heard my mom yell “have a good day at school, Billy Boy!” they immediately used it to tease me. The bullying started small, but slowly got worse, making high school miserable.

Once she learned about the bullying, my mom stopped calling me Billy Boy and started calling me Will like everyone else. But my older brother, Mikey, didn’t. He was three years older than me. From the start, Mikey didn’t want a younger brother, so he always resented me. He thought the bullying was funny, so he loved calling me Billy Boy when my parents weren’t around. He didn’t dare try doing anything else since my parents would definitely notice.

My sophomore year of high school, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was a smoker and was in critical condition. He died three months after his diagnosis. My whole family took it hard. Mikey and I grew even closer to our mom now that it was just the three of us. Mikey took the second semester of his freshman year of college off to be home with us. He treated me even worse when my mom wasn’t around. He used Billy Boy constantly and told me it was my fault our dad never stopped smoking. I knew he was just mourning his own way, but the words still hurt.

Mikey ended up going back to college the following fall and I finished high school. I went to college in a small town far away, the place I would continue to call home after graduating. Early on after moving, I discovered I was gay. I only came out to my mom and she agreed to keep it a secret.

Right before Thanksgiving of my freshman year, my mom told me I was going to meet the man she had been seeing. I was shocked to have just learned about him since she and I still talked all the time. She explained she didn’t want to mention him unless it felt serious and it was now. She told me she loved him and that she could see herself marrying him. It seemed very sudden, but she explained that she’d known him for a while before, but wasn’t ready to start dating after my dad until recently.

I went home for Thanksgiving and met whom my mom predicted was my step father to be. Paul was a tall man with short blond hair. He had large shoulders and a large gut. The rest of his body was, well, large.

Paul reached out to shake my hand, and I grabbed it feeling my hand get crushed. “Hiya, buddy! I’m Paul, your mom’s new friend. I’m happy to finally meet the boy your mom talks about so much!” He spoke in a patronizing tone. I knew I looked younger than I was, but he knew I was visiting from college.

“Hi, Paul. I’m Will. Nice to meet you.” I say without giving anything away. My mom enters the kitchen and gives me a hug.

“It’s about time you got here. You need to get started on dinner if it’ll be ready soon.” Paul barked at my mom. I resented the way he spoke to her.

Mom looked at her watch. “Oh you’re right. I better get to it.” She turned to get started cooking.

“Will, why don’t you join me and the boys in the living room?” Paul proposed, turning away to walk into the hallway. I wasn’t sure who he meant by boys, but I didn’t dwell on that after I got sight of Paul’s ass. At this point, I only knew I liked topping and eating ass. And Paul’s ass was voluptuous. It was round, and big, and wide. I was suddenly filled with lust for this asshole, pun intended. I followed him, half mesmerized by his ass half out of having nowhere else to go.

As I entered the hallway behind him, I noticed a faint awful smell. Something between milk and shit. I tried to act naturally as I followed Paul’s ass intently. But the smell only got worse. As we neared the living room door, I started coughing. Paul looked over his shoulder and laughed. “Can’t handle a little crop dusting? I was just trying to prepare you for the living room funk.”

I shuttered as I realized I had been fantasizing about Paul’s farting ass. I thought farts were disgusting. I hated to think something so awful came out of such a sexy thing. I feared for what the living room would hold and I was right to fear.

As we entered, I was immediately hit with a similar smell but much stronger. I saw Mikey sitting on the edge of the couch. Next to him was another man about Mikey’s age. But he’s much heavier than Mikey. I started to realize he carried a heavy resemblance to Paul and pieced together this may be Paul’s son. In addition to them, I see a platter of tortilla chips and dips on the coffee table. Except the chips are scarce and the large bowls for cheese dip and guacamole are scraped empty.

Paul sat down on the other edge of the couch, leaving a tiny space between him and his maybe-son. “Will, have a seat with us!” Paul exclaimed, patting the tiny space next to him. “You’re pretty small. Junior and I can put our arms up and we can all squeeze.” Paul and Junior, which I assume is short for Paul Junior, both put their arms on the back of the couch, opening up a little more space and revealing large pit stains under both.

I sighed and reluctantly sat down, knowing there was no getting out of this. I squished in between the two men and immediately had body odor mixed in with the flatulent smell of the air. Both Paul and Junior were a bit taller than me so my face was barely above their pits.

Paul gestured to Junior. “Will, this is my son, Paul Junior, but we just call him Junior.”

“Hi Junior, I’m Will.” I said, extending my hand to his free one.

A mischievous grin comes across Junior’s face as he takes my hand. “Oh, I know. Mikey has told me all about you, Billy Boy.” Junior lifts his leg next to me and leans toward Mikey. He grunts and a fart releases right onto my leg as I feel it waft up to my nose. I retch at the smell, as Junior sits back into place, trapping me again between him and his dad.

“It sounds like there’s a lot I need to learn about ol’ Billy Boy here.” Paul chuckled, emphasizing the nickname. I suddenly hoped my mom’s taste in men would change drastically.

The conversation was tame after that. I learned Junior is Mikey’s age. They appear to get along great. They’re also both gross. I don’t remember Mikey being so gross before, but he obviously enjoyed all of the farting. Or at least enjoyed that I hated it. And there was a lot more farting. It never seemed to stop. I wanted to throw up when mom finally came in and told us dinner was ready. She didn’t seem fazed by the smell. She must be used to it by now.

The men fart through dinner while mom and I roll our eyes. I decided I don’t want to stay the night and make the drive back to college that night. I get back to my dorm late and crash.

- - - - -

That night, I dreamed Junior came into my dorm room and woke me up with a fart to the crotch. “I knew that’d get you stirring.” I am laying on my back with Junior squat sitting on my crotch. He’s wearing a onesie with the fly to his ass open. Junior has pulled down the blanket, so the only thing between his ass and my cock is my underwear. Junior is slowly rubbing his ass back and forth on my cock, getting it aroused.

“After your brother told me you hated farts, I knew the real reason why. You hate them because your dick loves them.” My face scrunches at his bizarre proposal. “You don’t believe me? Watch this.” Junior plants his huge ass on my crotch and unleashes a monster fart. He rises off my crotch to show that my cock is suddenly extremely aroused, growing so large it rips off my briefs. I stare in amazement as I feel extreme pleasure from the sensation.

“Now let’s put that monster cock of yours to good use.” Junior commands, grabbing it and putting the tip into his hole. Junior slowly sits onto my lap, enveloping it in his ass. The sensation is incredible. Junior slides it in and out sensually, and it feels incredible. “Hmm, seems like someone needs a boost.” Junior teases before tensing up and releasing another monster fart right onto my cock. The vibration is better than I ever imagined. I moan with pleasure and dig my head into the pillow while grabbing Junior’s ass.

“Do you want more?” Junior teases, gliding up and down my cock once more. I moan and nod my head vigorously. Junior pinches my nipples, pulling me in an upright position. He pulls me into him, engulfing most of my torso with his large gut, my head on top between his man boobs. Junior grabs my hair and turns my head up to look at him. “Then you’d better squeeze and fuck them out of me.” He says, followed by a loogie to my face.

I waste no time wrapping my arms around him and squeezing. Immediately, I feel his stomach gurgle and a fart unleashes onto my cock. It feels incredible and I start humping him enthusiastically, squeezing him as tight as I can. Fart after fart comes out onto my cock. It feels so amazing that I can no longer hold back my climax. I moan in ecstasy as I finish and rest my head on Junior’s gut. Junior grabs my hair again, making me see his angry expression. “Did you just cum without my permission?” He spit at me.

“Boys like you have to follow every command from men like us.” I hear from next to the bed. I look over to see a naked Paul. “And if you can’t obey, Billy Boy, you’ll be punished.” Paul trades a look with Junior as they both start laughing.

Junior shoves me back onto my back and Paul grabs my arms, holding them to my sides. As Junior turns around to back his leaking ass into my face, Paul leans forward and forces my jaw open. Junior plants his hole right over my wide open mouth and sits down. Paul turns around and plants his ass on top of Junior’s, putting his hole right over my nose. In sync, Junior starts farting my cum down my throat, while Paul blasts smelly fumes up my nose. I feel them laughing at me as I take in fart after fart.

I woke up in the middle of the night from the dream in a sweat. It was so bizarre I wasn’t sure what to make of it. That was until I found my hard on in my briefs covered in cum and realized I didn’t only finish in my dream.

- - - - -

Prequel 2 - The Wedding and The Tragedy

#gay fart dream #eproctophilia #gay butt #gay fart story #gay farts

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beanieable · 1 year

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RANDOM HEADCANONS

A collection of fun ideas I have about ROTTMNT and TMNT 2012.

Rise

The boys eyes glow in the dark.

While the 2012 guys have that somewhat creepy thing where their eyes go white, Rise just have creepy glowing eyes. Really creepy considering they have weirdly bright eyes.

Mikey painted on Leo’s marking on his body when he was younger. Donnie’s too. Leo’s just more often. He also made spikes to match with Raph. As he got older, he made three sweaters, each one made to match with his big brothers.

Raph likes having Make-Up on. The only problem is his hands aren't steady enough to do it him self. Mikey and Leo learned how to do it for Raph. They like wearing Make-Up too. But putting it on Raph was the reason they learned how to. Donnie makes sure that they only get the best stuff. Only the best stuff for his brothers.

They have self-care days with April. After Season 2 Cassandra joins in too and after the Movie Casey too. It always ends in a turtle pile while watching a Jupiter Jim Movie. Sometimes even a Lou Jitsu Movie.

The turtles jokingly call Draxum their mom. It started as a joke form Leo. Turns out Yoke don't have a concept of gender like humans do and Dram didn't really mind. The all have Draxum saved as some form of mom in their phones.

The boys used to share a bed for years. Until Mikey was about 7, the twins were 8 and Raph was 9. They still do that a lot. Most nights they sleep in their own beds but at least once a week they get every blanket and built a pillow fort in the living room and sleep there.

After the season 1 finale/season 2 premier, the season 2 finale and the movie they slept in the pillow fort for like two weeks.

Mikey banned all of his brothers from the kitchen. It's his kitchen.

Casey is a dumpster baby. Cassandra found him abandoned and all. She just picked him and an decided that she's a mom now.

Casey calls the teen versions of the turtles by their nicknames while the future ones stay Master Leonardo and so on. It helps him differentiate between the two versions.

He had a talk with Cassandra about the whole son from the future thing. He feels weird calling her mom, since she isn't the woman that raised him and she likely will never be. There was an awkward time between them at first. They became good friends soon enough.

Casey is everyones little brother. Mikey was so excited to be a big brother. Even if Casey is only a few months younger than him.

Casey is the only one spared of Dr. Delicate Touch. Not Dr. Feelings tho.

Mikey is teaching Casey how to cook. He enjoys it a lot.

Casey lives with the turtles in the lair.

Leo finally got everyone those matching unicorn onesies. Everyone loves them.

Leo and Donnie did that thing where twins switch for a day when their were younger. Mikey and Raph noticed immediately but Splinter, due to his poor eyesight didn't noice, he felt like something was off but didn't know what.

They still do it today, they just know they need a little more preparations. Donnie has a battle shell that looks exactly like Leos and a shell cover for Leo to look like his battle shell. They even pull out body paint. Mikey and Raph still noticed instantly, their eyes are wrong but let them have their fun anyway.

Mentioning their eyes, they have mismatched heterochromia. Their eyes are red and blue.

Donnie, Raph and Leo kept every single drawing Mikey ever made for them on one of their room walls. April has a folder with every drawing from him. Splinter also kept every drawing any of his sons ever gave him in folders.

Whenever Donnie wants a hug he'll walk up to one of his brothers and stare at them. When they look at him he just opens his arms.

Raph sometimes picks up one of his brothers and hold them like a baby to get them to sleep. It still works every time. Surprisingly enough it also works with Casey.

April tries to do the same for Raph but her version is more of a hug because of Raphs size. It works nonetheless.

One of the main reasons April gets jobs is so she can spoil her brothers. Every time she gets paid she comes to the layer with small gifts for each of them. A new plushie for Raph, a few parts for Donnie, a new comic for Leo and new set of pens for Mikey.

They get incredibly giddy every time she does it.

Cassandras Girl Scouts know about the turtles. She proclaimed one day that her new brothers and sister will be joining them take over the world and told the girls to respect them. The girls just ran with it.

Mikey comes by the most. He likes helping with new recipes. They made different recipes for everyones favorites and sell them. Leos favorite sell the best.

Cassandra felt out of place with the gang for a while until they casually mentioned that they have two older sisters now. She didn't cry, you're imagining shit.

She didn't have the best home life and that's why she joined the foot in the first place. She always wanted a real family. Now she has that and she'll do anything to keep her family safe.

2012

Mikey made bracelets when he was younger for all four of them. They don't fit them anymore but all of them still have them.

They've been meaning to remake them together but there wasn't any time. April and Casey eventually get them everything to make those bracelets.

April and Casey got the turtles sweaters for one of their birthdays. They wear them constantly.

They chose their masks themselves. Splinter brought found them and just brought them back to the lair. The boys liked them a lot. He always kept an eye open for fabrics in the respective colors ever since.

They made pillow forts regularly growing up.

Mikey still makes them after a long day and gets his brothers to have a turtle pile in there.

They occasionally talk in Japanese. Casey and April were a little confused at first, but slowly picked up a few things.

They do call Splinter dad sometimes. They used to do it more often when they were younger though. They also refer so Tang Shen as mom sometimes.

At one point Mikey called Karai Nee-chan. She almost cried. She brought him a pizza the next day, only him.

The girls have a girls night every once in a while. Sometimes they drag Leo along. He's an honorary girl. He really needs the break.

Leo likes typical feminine things. His brothers are sure that if they were human he would be a pretty boy and maybe even be mistaken as a girl. Not that he would mind that.

Donnie is incapable of saying no to Casey. He just can't. Casey knows this and abuses the power he has over Donnie.

Casey doesn't only use this power to get stuff out of it. He regularly drags Donnie out of his lab to get him to eat, take a break and sleep.

Casey's hair would actually be somewhat curly, if he took proper care of it. He eventually starts doing that.

Casey and Donnie are dating. Change my mind.

Raph and Mona have date night every Thursday. Their idea of date night consists of going on partol, getting some food and then cuddling while watching a movie.

Mona bridal carries Raph a lot. He gets all flustered every time.

Chompy thinks Mona is his second mom.

The brothers tend to just hang out in Donnies lab. Everyone is just doing their own thing. They do it more often after a stressful day or after one of them got injured badly.

They also used to seep in the same bed for a few years. Only until they were about 5 though. That's when they got their own rooms.

Nowadays they don't really do that anymore. They did however sleep in a turtle pile with Casey and April for the first few weeks in space.

After Splinter died the four also slept together for weeks. The whole living room was basically one huge bed for them for like a month or two.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #headcanon #that's all for now

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loveforpreserumsteve · 1 year

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Most Likely (high school reunion Stucky fic)

Six:

"Daddy, I miss you!"

Hearing little Alice, his little Alice, say that while being over three thousand miles away broke Steve's heart. Almost as much as how hard it was to see her sad. All he wanted to do was hug her close and never let her go.

"You'll be home soon enough," Steve assured her even as he held back tears. This was the longest that the kids had ever been away from him. But Steve found comfort in how quickly the days passed.

"Besides," Steve forced a smile to his face, "I'm sure you're having tons of fun."

"Not as much as when we're with you!" Alice insisted, holding Ribbit close to her frame, resting her forehead on top of the plush frog head. "All Grandpa Harry wants to do is play crotch-k!"

"Crotch-k?"

Alice nodded, "Where you hit a ball through the little hoop in the ground."

Understanding crossed Steve's face as he chuckled, "Croquet!"

"That's what I said!"

Steve held his hands up, still chuckling. Then, he asked, "What about mommy? What's she been doing?"

"She's on the phone a lot," Alice admitted, squeezing Ribbit tighter to her little frame.

Steve nodded, he figured she'd still find a way to work, even on her vacation. Then again, her job had always been her first love. And Steve had known that going in. But he still hated that their kids came in at a close second whenever they spent more than a weekend together.

Instead of getting upset about it, he asked, "Where're your brothers and sister?"

"Waiting our turn," Harrison told him, peeking out from around the corner.

Rolling his eyes at the computer screen, Steve said, "You guys don't have to take turns. C'mon, enlighten me on your days. Have you seen anything cool? Done anything fun?"

And just like that, the four Rogers kids pulled up kitchen chairs and crowded around the computer as they all animatedly talked over each other. Steve missed them all so much that it physically hurt. But there were only one week left. He could handle one more week. After all, the other had managed to fly by. Once he distracted himself, of course.

"Daniel took us to see Shakespeare in the Park!" Maggie-Mae grinned, "That was pretty fun!"

"What have you been drinkin'?" Harrison quirked a brow as he looked at his younger sister. Telling Steve, "It was so lame!"

"Maggie-Mae only liked it because she thought one of the actors was cute," Mikey teased, causing the fourteen year old's naturally white cheeks to redden.

"I DID NOT!" Maggie-Mae protested even as her face grew redder.

"Yeah! She didn't!" Alice defended her older sister and idol.

Maggie-Mae, the poor girl, covered her face and folded into herself as though she was trying to shrink her way out of existence. Steve could feel her pain. Sure, he was an only child, but he had Bu–

Shaking his head, Steve tried to change the subject, "What else have you guys been doing besides plays and croquet?"

"We went to the movies with Cousin Sharon and her new fiancée!" Mikey informed.

Pleasantly surprised, he hadn't realized that his niece had anyone special in her life. So, he asked, "Oh yeah? Are they nice?"

"She's really nice!" Alice smiled, returning to the Alice that Steve was used to seeing.

"That's good," Steve encouraged, adoring the smiles on his children's faces.

All energy and earnestness that only a child seemed to have, Alice continued, "And pretty! She's really pretty! Like a Disney Princess!"

Steve chuckled at that, "So, you like her?"

The kids all nodded, and Maggie-Mae smiled, "Very much."

"Good!" Steve beamed at the computer screen. Noticing the time, he said, "You guys should probably get ready for bed. Make sure to brush your teeth and when I'm done talking to mom, she'll come tuck you in."

"Okay," Harrison reluctantly agreed. Standing from his chair, he said, "Night, dad. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetie," Steve softly smiled. Wishing each of the kids a sweet dream and reminding them again and again that he loved them.

Not long after Peggy took the seat in front of the computer. Steve crossed his arms, but didn't say anything at first. Knowing that he needed to keep a level head. After all, this wasn't anything new.

"I know what you're going to say," Peggy started, calm and cool like always. "And don't worry, I just had to iron out a wrinkle and I'll be on holiday for the rest of their visit."

It wasn't the first time that she had told him that and he knew that it wouldn't be the last. Nevertheless, Steve nodded. Hoping that she really would take a break from work. Not just because it wasn't healthy for someone to work that much without some mandatory relaxation but because they were there to help her mom after her stroke.

"How's Amanda?" Steve asked instead of arguing with her.

"Better," Peggy assured, the sweet smile that Harrison inherited from her, "Thanks."

"Of course," Steve good-naturedly dismissed. Just because he and Peggy weren't together anymore didn't mean that he just stopped caring about his former in-laws. Not only were they their kids' grandparents, but they had welcomed Steve wholeheartedly.

Plus, Harry and Amanda got along well with Joe and Sarah. And that had meant so much to Steve. It meant even more knowing that their parents still cared about each other and were sure to exchange holiday cards every year. Hell, Sarah and Joe had even stayed with Harry and Amanda when they went through Europe for their anniversary.

Sitting there, staring at Peggy through the computer screen, that old twinge of love for her throbbed in his heart. It also mourned how far they had drifted from who they had once been. If Steve was being honest with himself, he knew that he shouldn't have jumped all-in all those years ago. He had just been so dumb and in love with the first girl to ever pay any romantic attention to him that he couldn't help himself.

But with hindsight being 20/20, he should've seen the signs.

Still, they would be tied together for the rest of their lives. And even though they had outgrown that young relationship and had outgrown who they had once been, Steve was okay to be tied to Peggy.

"The, uh," Steve started, awkwardly. "The kids told me that Sharon is engaged. That's gotta be fun."

"Oh, yeah," Peggy nodded. "Michael and Judy love her! She's a cute girl too! Polite and didn't ignore the kids. Of course, she is going for her doctorate for child psychology. So, she's probably studying them."

Hearing Peggy's giggles made Steve chuckle. It was always nice hearing her finally relax. And while there were a lot of things that could've – and, no doubt, should've – been said, he knew that he couldn't keep her any longer. Their kids were waiting for her, and it was getting late as it was for them.

"Well," Steve stretched, "I should probably let you go. The kids are waiting for you."

"Yes," Peggy nodded, giving him a soft smile. "Goodnight Steven."

"Goodnight, Pegs."

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embossross · 1 year

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You've been too productive lately, the wait between the next chapters is going to be hard to bear ahah !

Now, what can I say, except THIS SUSPENSE 😱 ????!!!! You're spending too much time writing Rindu, you're becoming as sadistic as him.

Anyway, a little review because I'm trying to control myself for once, lol.

Firstly, I'm quite impressed that Rin makes phone calls in Yasuko's presence, bonten is so covered that he can afford it. It makes me feel a little sad for her, a million miles away from thinking that her wonderful lover is importing drugs. I still can't wait for her to learn the truth, even though I know she might suffer.

Also, I noticed that Yasuko and Reader from FHMTH both have a few daddy and mommy issues, if they didn't, would things be different ? Would Yasuko be dating older men ? And Reader... do we really need to elaborate on the fact that you have to have a little problem to fuck Hanma, no matter how hot he is ? 😅 Anyway, I'm doing counter psychology (idk if the expression exists in English) and I hate it. I was originally going to talk about the parents because Yasuko's mom seems so protective of her daughter and it's kind of fun to be able to talk about her relationship with her without judging her. I like their relationship, even if their place in the family is not very balanced.

One last question I have and then I'll stop hihi, Rindou who puts his work in the background, is Mikey going to be totally ok with that ? I mean, we know from the beginning that he's not a workaholic, but, can there be consequences ?

That's it, I'm done, I'm really really really excited and impatient for the next chapter and I wanted to tell you that after a quick calculation, this story really in my top 2, I love it so much so thanks again for sharing it with us ❤️

the way your mind works, i swear, i'm always so excited to hear your thoughts on the chapters! like you just make such good connections! and i'm so flattered that you are loving the story so much. dgm has a special place in my heart too!

i'm going to do a read more so i can give this the attention it deserves!

poor reader really has no idea about rindou’s job and is so not ready for the truth. in that scene, rindou’s not saying anything directly incriminating, she doesn’t understand shipping enough to follow, AND rindou is intentionally keeping her distracted. she never stood a chance.

also poor Doc and her mommy/daddy issues ☹ I feel so bad for her tbh. you’re so right that her issues are a key reason she’s able to be with hanma. most people would run and not look back after the eye gouging and Russian roulette incidents, but the childhood abuse Doc experienced really inoculated her against that. and her unexpected reactions are what makes hanma interested in her in the first place.

whereas with yasuko, her father is really a nonentity to her. she doesn’t have issues about him. BUT because she had to fulfill an adult role from a young age because of her family’s poverty, she feels far more mature than her age. worth considering that she’s several years older than her friends in her university program (22 while they’re 18/19) and would have been much younger than most of her coworkers at the factory, so her dating just kind of works out that way.

great question about rindou’s work ethic! Rindou cannot afford to slack off fr bc drugs are bonten’s 2nd biggest revenue stream and kokoni would be up his ass. it would probably fall to takeomi to discipline rindou if he wasn’t doing his job, as takeomi’s like bonten’s chief of staff to koko’s chief revenue officer.

mikey probably wouldn’t get involved. he’s pretty checked out at this point in the story.

but, rindou knows what he can and can’t get away with. he can reschedule a meeting with suppliers for you, but he wouldn’t be ditching, say, a meeting with mikey just because you called upset. he does his job and nothing more, and that’s good enough. it just looks like a fantasy to yasuko who comes from a working class background.

#i spent way too long thinking about this ask #wanted to treasure it 🥰🥰#asks

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p-antomime · 2 years

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Too cruel. To him.

ㅤ— wc: 2,6K.

ㅤcontent + warnings: 16+, including: heavy angst, toxic!kazutora so be careful, implicit depressive disorder, gaslighting, toxic relationship in general.

ㅤpairings: ex-bf!kazutora hanemiya x afab!reader

⠀— inspired by [x]

tokyo rev. masterlist!

a/n: phewww~ i don't know how to feel posting and writing this, but it's kind of... I don't know, i wanted to write something more heartbreakingly, sentimental and i guess the only way i could externalize it was by writing comfortless angst with kazutora lmao, but, anyway, a kiss to whoever is going to read this 'cause I broke my heart writing it!

Everything was going to be all right. It was going to be okay.

You had to convince yourself that it was all right to be able to go on living, even though you didn't have the strength for it. You had to force yourself to believe that it was okay because if you started thinking again, your bed would seem too desirable and become the only comfortable place for you to spend the rest of the week, and again would come the gritty days when you could barely get out of bed.

Your brain didn't know whether to force you to be happy to be away from him or to force you to taste more of the bitter taste of knowing you were alone. In reality, you just wished your brain could explain to you a little better why you were happier now without his presence, without his warm hands pressing against the tight spots on your back, without his soft lips brushing against your cheek in little kisses when the day was good.

If you could go back in time, for the Y/N of almost three years ago, you would have written a long and tearful letter to your younger self warning her that she needed to be smarter, that she needed not to get carried away by Hanemiya Kazutora's charisma and angelic smile, that she needed not to let herself become vulnerable and miserable.

In reality, that letter was right there, on the desk in your room next to the food your mother had left long minutes before because it was lunchtime. And you were still lying face down on your bed with your cell phone in hands not knowing who to text, if you should text. Were your friends waiting for you after all the time you had spent away from them because of Kazutora? He said that they were trying to turn you against him. Did his friends still like you? Did they condemn his conduct? Mitsuya? Chifuyu? Takemichi? Manjiro? Oh, wait, not Manjiro. Manjiro and him had been fighting for a while and how could you forget that now just when Mikey had been the topic of discussion between you two in the relationship several times because Kazutora said you were too close to him.

You took a deep breath and checked the time on the cell phone. It was almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon, was lunch still worth it? To make your mother less worried, maybe it was. Thinking about it, you slowly picked up the pieces of the fragment that still existed in your heart as fast as you ate the cold pasta that was so well made.

— Darling? — Your ears picked up from the gaps in the locked door of your room and your body cringed, you didn't mean to answer, you weren't ready to leave your cocoon yet. — You... wanna talk? Today you didn't even come downstairs for breakfast and I had made your favorite thing to eat in the morning and... — You could almost hear your mother's brain thinking carefully about the words, the last time she said something wrong and at the wrong time you burst into tears in the middle of the room remembering Kazutora. — I was wondering if you didn't want to go out today, how about it? Get some ice cream? Maybe go to the park? — You sighed heavily.

Everyone was trying to move on. Kazutora Hanemiya was moving on without even knowing or apparently caring that he had made you miserable. You needed to move on too, at least try, even if the snake venom was still tearing your will to live.

— Okay, mom... — Your voice came out less thick than a lint. — I'll just get ready and be right out. — And you didn't see it, but a bright, wide smile appeared on her lips as her eyes watered a little.

— Okay, ‘kay! — At least you could feel the enthusiasm evident in her voice. — Gonna wait for you downstairs, when you're ready, I'm ready. — You knew what that meant.

And minutes later, you were walking down the sunny street next to your mother trying not to feel uncomfortable by the way people walking down the street were looking at you. Your clothes were heavy, visually speaking. You seemed to be the depressed, tangled point of trouble in the midst of several people with their lives on the reins. But none of them had ever had a relationship with Kazutora Hanemiya.

The Kazutora Hanemiya who yelled at you when he was angry that you talked too much to Manjiro or went out with your friends unannounced and also the one who hugged you and wiped your tears minutes later telling you that you "didn't have to cry" because he "was there for you" and that he "wasn't going to yell again, wasn't going to make you sad again" because he loved you. And yes, Kazutora might love you, but he loved to hang out with his friends and go several days without giving you a single reply by text message while demanding that you satisfy yourself about every place you stepped into, he loved much more to keep you away from your friends and to implant palaces of lies and simulations in your brain disguised as truths that weighed less than a feather.

That day, your mind tried not to think so much about him or wonder if he was all right, since the last time someone had said something to you about Kazutora, it had been Chifuyu saying that "Tora is getting through all this in the best possible way, don't worry, Y/N". Your mother tried to cheer you up with ice cream and by taking you to the park, and even though you wouldn't admit it, feeling the kisses of the sunbeams and the cool breeze against your face reminded you a little of the you that was much happier away from Hanemiya, the you of before Hanemiya.

When you two arrived home, it was the first time in a long time that you held your mother's hand in human warmth as you walked home, and she was even a little startled to feel something, which was your fingers, rubbing against her palm.

— What do you think about me ordering takeout today? — She asked, her eyes sparkling as soon as you both got home, and you just nodded. — At your favorite restaurant? — And then a small and sincere smile, extremely sincere, broke out on your lips.

— I'd love it, mom. — You answered, and it was the first time in weeks that she heard the normal tone of your voice without being whiny or tired or sultry.

The look you two exchanged before you went to take a shower was understood by both parties as a "Thank you”. It was the first time your day had broken out of the usual tearful monotony: waking up, trying to brush your teeth, feeling your energy being drained even further, looking in the mirror and seeing no one with any dignity to live for, facing your bed and spending the rest of the day lying there unable to find a sufficient reason to get up and go try to live because your life before was just Kazutora.

Until you came out of the shower and were in the middle of putting on your pajamas, cell phone vibrated on your bed and you desperately went to get it, thinking it was one of your friends. In fact, you wanted it to be one of your friends and answered it without even looking at the screen.

— Sweetie? — And that voice.

That voice that to you now was a great symphony of martyrdom and anguish, that reminded you of all the times he said that no one would ever love you as much as he did. Your heart sank into a black hole of nostalgia, and your eyes watered. Had all your effort to live away from Kazutora been in vain? Didn't you deserve to be happy?

You remained silent, still holding your cell phone to your ear. Kazutora's breathing was heavy, as if he was exerting himself, and from the sound of the engine in the distance on the other line, it was easy to tell that he was driving something. Probably his Benz.

— C'mon, Y/N, answer your Tora. — Your stomach clenched and you closed your mouth tight, hand trembling, but still holding the cell phone. — Was three weeks enough for you to forget how much I love you? — Oh, he was drunk.

Of course, he could only admit his love for you when he wasn't sober. As always.

— Don't call me again, Kazu-- — He interrupted you with a muffled laugh and you felt a shiver run down your spine.

— Do you know where I'm going? Home, alone again, because a girl I like, you should know her, left me and I... — Kazutora coughed from the other side and a loud noise startled you, damn it, he was driving home completely under the influence. — Don't you want to come visit me? It's been a while since I've hugged you, I miss you, you know? I fucking miss you, sweetie, and...

The call dropped. And you squeezed the cell phone trying to keep listening until you gasped.

— Kazutora? — You called him and there was no answer. — Damn it! — You squirmed quickly trying to get the most comfortable clothes to leave the house and get ready to go after Kazutora, you just couldn't let him fuck himself. — Mom, I'll be right back! — Your voice shouted into the kitchen as your feet rushed down the stairs and before your mother could answer, you were already opening the door to the house carrying only your cell phone and your broken heart and rushing out.

You weren't running because you were worried about him. You were running because you were scared to death. What if he was trying to hurt himself? You hated the idea of him getting hurt more than the idea of you getting hurt. Your breathing was racing the way it did when Kazutora kissed you intensely or when he looked at you as if he was about to choke you with his bare hands, heart was pounding against chest as if it was going to pierce your ribs. The smell of rain was in the air, suffocating the one of tears running down your face as you approached his house.

And it was the fastest trip you ever made to Kazutora's place, but not fast enough for the rain not to start falling as soon as you knocked several, several times on his door. You thought he hadn't arrived yet, or worse: crashed on the way, until you saw him with his long hair tied up in a bun, clothes reeking of booze and eyes with dilated pupils opening that doorway.

As soon as he tried to lean in for a hug, you took three steps back, the rain beginning to wash over you.

— You came... — Kazutora spoke and a small smile crept across his lips and your frown creased.

And then you understood.

Kazutora called you because he knew you would go after him, knew you couldn't ignore him.

— Kazutora... — Your shaky voice came out barely louder than a whisper and your heart was aching to see him again, your hands were trembling and for the first time you were glad that the rain was masking your tears. — Fuck... Fuck! Kazutora! What the fuck, why you... fuck, leave me alone! I can't take it anymore! — All your anger that had built up for months was now being unleashed. — What the fuck do you want with me?! You know how fucking hard these days have been for me? — He looked at you surprised to see his previously sweet girl behaving this way, didn't you love him anymore?

— Y/N... I called you because I missed you! — Kazutora took two steps forward, walking out of his house and leaving the door open, and started to get wet in the rain the same way you did. — I wanted to see you again! You wouldn't take my calls, wouldn't even tell Chifuyu how you were, damn it! If you can't take it anymore, how about me? You're being too cruel to me. — Your breath caught in your throat.

Too cruel. To him.

He was really thinking that you were to blame for everything, that you were the villain of it all.

— I... — You started to speak, and your brain couldn't think straight. — Kazutora, I would never be cruel to you. Never. You know why? Because I loved you more than I loved myself, and you seem to have forgotten that as fast as you could get me away from everybody else. I loved you. You know, I loved you so much that not even after you treated me like shit did I say anything bad to anyone. You were my everything! You know that! — Now the tears could no longer be contained within your eyes.

— You talk as if I never did anything for you, Y/N. Don'tchu see how ungrateful you are being to me? — Kazutora tried to take your arms to bring you closer to him and you slapped his hands away, cringing against yourself because of the cold that was beginning to take over your body from the rain. — I treated you like a queen ‘cause that's what you were to me, I tried to keep you away from your friends ‘cause they were always trying to take advantage of you and-- — You interrupted him.

— Take advantage of me? Look at the shitty thing you're talking! They tried to warn me several times about you and I was stupid enough to trust you! — Your hands went to rub your eyes to try to stop yourself from crying. — Don't make me try to feel bad, Tora. I could try to write down all the times you've treated me well... and in the end it would just be an empty piece of paper... — A bitter laugh came out of your lips. — I... damn... — Your eyes burned with tears and you hated yourself for letting yourself cry again in front of that man. — What the fuck is your problem, Tora? — Kazutora tried again to approach you, and you pulled away again with hands in front of your body to try to keep him away. — I didn't want to be just another stop on your journey, I wanted to be your final destination. I gave you everything, my time, my loyalty, my happiness, if you asked for even my soul and my heart on a plate I would give them to you without a second thought, damn it, you know that. You know!

— Y/N... — He called you again and now, from his choked voice, it was obvious that he was starting to cry.

Crocodile tears, and yet your heart couldn't help but feel bad for making him cry for you.

— Don't say anything. I didn't finish speaking. — You spat the words in his direction. — The only one to blame here is you, Kazutora. You ruined everything that was good for me, for us, and every fucking time someone tried to tell me something bad about you, I told them that they misunderstood you. I tried to convince others that you were a nice guy, a nice boyfriend. — You took a deep breath, feeling your ribs suddenly ache. As if your psychological pain was somatizing your body. — Just fucking leave me alone... leave me alone, don't call me, don't try to talk to me, don't come after me, stop using Chifuyu to get at me... I'm tired, Tora. Tired.

You couldn't discern exactly what Kazutora was feeling through his face contorted into something resembling disappointment and resentment, but it didn't matter either. You didn't need or want to feel sorry for him. However, he barely tried to say anything or hold you when you turned around to walk out in the rain. Not an "I love you", a "Wait"; nothing. Maybe the rain washed away your pain and served to draw out the poison inside your soul to heal you.

#i4nanami #tokyo revengers angst #kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya #tokyo revengers kazutora #kazutora angst #tokyo rev angst #tr angst #tokyo rev x reader #kazutora x you #tw.gaslighting #tw.toxic #tw.depression

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Danger Days - Chapter thirteen: "Screaming infidelities"

Word count: 15,4K

Summary: It's Gubler's birthday and like the title says, someone will fuck it up.

Warnings: Cheating, cursing, angst, hurt, pain, alcohol, mention of oral sex.

A/N: Kids, I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this, but... it's done. Please don't hate me.

Masterlist

---

::: Paris, March 1st, 2011 :::

Joey stared at the ceiling of her room and sighed. She was alone. It was already midnight. She was happy she finally had a room on her own, after weeks traveling on a bus with the band. They were in Paris, and she was weary. But still, she couldn’t sleep. She stared at her phone and sighed. Matthew had said “I’ll call you back” an hour ago, and still, he hadn’t called her back. That was killing her.

She hadn’t seen her fiancé in over a month, and they were both in different time zones, which made it pretty hard to talk. She was nine hours ahead. At the moment, she was fighting to stay awake to talk to him, but he wasn’t calling her. Would it be wrong if she insisted? Matthew was working… maybe Joey should just sleep. She was weary after all, too much traveling, too many shows. That tour was fucking eternal, and she just wanted to go home.

The young woman walked to her bag, grabbed one of Matthew’s shirts, and put it on a pillow. Yes, she dressed a pillow in her boyfriend’s clothes. That’s how much she missed him. She could deal with loneliness ‘cos she was used to being alone. Still, somehow, she couldn’t deal with the loneliness that meant being far from Matthew.

- "It’s a good thing I decided to marry him then"- she said to herself as she stared at the ring on her finger.

A big part of her wanted to time travel and tell four-year-old Joey everything would be ok, that she was going to be happy after all. That she was going to manage to trust not one but two people. Her soon-to-be husband and her best friend, Mikey Way. If there was something she could cherish from being on tour with My Chem for months now, it was calling Michael James her brother.

Joey wrapped her arms around “Mattpillow” and smelled his perfume on it. Maybe it was better to text him and tell him she was gonna call earlier; it was… three in Los Angeles. If she set the alarm at six in the morning, she could catch him around nine. Yeah, that was much better.

- “Call you later. I’ll sleep a little, love you! Take care!”- she texted him.

::: Barcelona, March 5th, 2011 :::

Mikey, Ray, and Joey walked outside the arena, searching for the best sangria they could find before the show. Joey’s mom had sent them on that quest, repeating over and over again there was no way they left Spain without having tasted it. And considering it was alcohol, they didn’t argue a lot with Mrs. Sigmundsson.

- "Dude, I’m so fucking tired"- Mikey whined as he finished his hundredth cup of coffee of the day.

- "I know, I need a break from touring"- Joey said and yawned- "I wanna go home."

- "Me too"- Ray added and looked at his phone- "I miss my wife."

- "Oh, shut up!"- Mikey argued right away- "I don’t wanna go over this conversation again, you have someone you love, and you miss them. I don’t miss home, I have no one, end of the story"- Joey and Ray looked at each other and raised an eyebrow.

- "Is your underwear too tight today, or are you just being a little bitch because you want to?"- Joey asked right away, Ray chuckled, but Mikey didn’t think it was funny.

- "Shut up, Bug."

- "Not in the mood to be nice, then."

- "Nop"- that last “p” sounded like the end of it. But that wasn’t going to stop Joey.

- "Sorry, we are…"- what stopped Joey was her cellphone. Her eyes shone like diamonds when she saw Matthew’s face at the other side of the screen, waking up.

- "Yami! Good morning!"

- "Akumu!!!"- Ray and Mikey looked at her and walked a little faster to give her some privacy.

- "Is she still sleeping with the “Mattpillow”?"- Toro asked- "That shit is creepy"- and Way laughed, finally, he had been pretty serious that day. And the day before.

- "Yeah, that’s a thing. I’ve taken pictures I wanna use to blackmail her in case I ever need it."

- "Good plan"- Ray looked around. Joey was standing half a block behind, still on the phone- "Mikey, are you ok?"

- "Yeah, why?"

- "‘Cos you don’t seem to be ok at all,"- Toro felt it was his duty as a friend to tell what had been in his mind for the last couple of weeks- "Dude I’m sorry, I just… don’t think you… it’s shitty you are getting a divorce. I just don’t think you are taking it well."

- "Can you take a divorce well?"- Mikey simply replied, and that was enough to shut Ray up.

- "I’m just trying to tell you I’m here if you want to talk, and you don’t have to get so drunk every time we are out or whatever."

- "Is this an intervention? ‘Cos we had many those for Gerard back in the days. I can recognize an intervention."

- "No, Mikey! It’s not. Everybody should be here reading letters if it was"- Ray had a point- "I’m just trying to tell you, I’m here for you, man. And we can talk about anything."

- "I know, Ray… I just… don’t feel..."

- "You don’t feel like talking, I know, you haven’t talked about it, ever I guess… and I don’t feel that’s working for you. I’m scared and worried, and I’m your friend, I had to tell you."

Way and Toro stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Mikey knew Ray was right; he had shut down from all his friends, basically for the last three months or so. Still, he didn’t feel ready to share any kind of thought or feeling with any of them.

- "Ok kids, around the block, there’s a place called “Las tapas de Pepe.” Apparently, they have a killer sangria"- Joey clapped and walked past them on her way to the bar.

- "Wait, how do you know that?"

- "Because, Raúl me enseñó muchas cosas nuevas, (Raul taught me a lot of new things)"- the two musicians looked at her frowning not getting a word, so the girl turned to them and smiled- "That guy over there, his name is Raúl. I asked for sangria, he gave me an address. Come on!"

Joey turned around again, avoiding looking sad in front of her friends. The truth was, she wasn’t doing that well about being far from Matthew. It was getting too hard. She was thinking about quitting. And every time she talked to him, she was feeling more sure about that decision. She never told him, though. She didn’t want to make him feel responsible in case she made a mistake leaving the job. She also didn’t want him to know how much influence he had on her, Joey didn’t want to lose power in his life, she didn’t want to stop being independent, but it was hard.

::: Germany, March 8th, 2011 :::

Mikey was sugar rushed, jumping around the bunks as the bus traveled from Zurich to Munich. He and Joey had bought most of the chocolates in Switzerland and ate half of them in less than two hours. They were in heaven. Sugar heaven.

- "Can you please stop it?"- Gerard yelled at them from his bunk.

- "Nope"- his younger brother answered and jumped like a kid on top of him.

- "Leave me alone! I wanna sleep!"

- "Fine. Come on, Bug, let’s get away from this loser"- his words were so childish Joey burst out laughing.

- "Get in, loser, we are going shopping"- Joey said and flipped her hair. Gerard stared at her walking away with his brother, and groaned as he covered his head with the pillow.

He was fucked.

The last month had been torture for him. Joey was now not even talking to him. Never. It felt she honestly hated him, and he knew he couldn’t ask. Lynz kept asking for her, and he was sure she suspected something was going on.

- "So, have you and the guys have fun these days?"- she had asked earlier that day when he called her before the show.

- "Fun like going out fun? No, we are too tired to move. These weeks have been killers."

- "So you are all just at the bus locked the whole time?"

- "Pretty much"

- "On each other’s faces?"

- "Yeah… I wanna kill Mikey."

- "And how’s Joey doing?"

- "Good… we haven’t talked much."

- "She hadn’t talked to you or you hadn’t?"- the singer made a pause thinking about that question, and most of all thinking what would be an intelligent answer to that.

- "We don’t share a lot"- that all he had- "I guess we don’t talk to each other"- he made a pause and lit a cigarette, walking on his own through the backstage- "Why do you ask?"

- "I don’t know, I guess you never talk about her, and I thought it might be because you have…"- Lynz made a pause to make her husband even more nervous- "A problem with her or something."

- "No, we don’t have a problem, we aren’t friends, that’s all…"

Now on the bus, Gerard closed his eyes, still hiding under the pillow, Joey’s laughter all around him, while Frank and Ray played video games. What was he going to do?

::: At the bus, close to Munich. March 9th, 2011 :::

It was Matthew’s birthday, and Joey was miserable ‘cos she couldn’t spend the day with him. But still, she set her alarm at eight am and locked herself in the back of the bus, texting him. She wanted to be the first one to sing happy birthday to him. And so she waited, looking at the clock.

She went through old pictures to kill time, watched part of a movie Mikey had left on the DVD the night before. Matthew didn’t reply to her text. And so she waited longer. Joey wanted to call him at midnight. She was nine hours ahead. Minute by minute, she waited. Until it was time. She smiled and dialed. Nothing. Again. Nothing.

- "Where the fuck are you?"- her stomach was made a knot as her brows furrowed. Third call. Matthew finally picked up the FaceTime call.

- "Yami!!!"- he yelled, wasted- "It’s a party!"- he pointed around and moved the camera of his phone like a maniac, making Joey dizzy right away. No wonder why he wasn’t picking up.

- "Happy birthday, Akumu!"

- "Hey! Hey!"- he tried to walk through a lot of people as Joey frowned, wondering where the hell her fiancée was.

- "Wild party!"- she said as soon as she noticed Gubler had locked himself in a bathroom to talk.

- "Yeah! The guys set a little surprise party for me"- he slurred and smiled- "I love you."

- "I love you too."

- "No, I love you more. Why aren’t you here?"

- "‘Cos I’m working, but I’ll be home in two weeks, so wait for me."

- "I want you here now."

- "I wish I was there."

- "Then quit"- Joey sighed. Arguing was useless; Matthew was drunk.

- "Hey! Akumu, is Paget there? Is she gonna drive you home?"

- "No, she’s not here."

- "You are not partying with your friends?"

- "Yeah, with the guys from the movie"- Joey raised an eyebrow, thinking she had no idea where Matthew was or with who.

- "Are you sure you are ok?"

- "Yeah, baby! It’s my birthday, we are gonna party like it’s my birthday!"- Joey’s heart ached at the thought of what could go wrong. But she loved and trusted her boyfriend, and she knew he would never hurt her.

- "Hey Matthew"- she said and looked straight into his eyes through the camera- "I love you."

- "I love you too."

- "I’ve got your heart here with me all the time"- she showed him her necklace, and he nodded- "There’s gonna be a present from me waiting for you when you get home."

- "Nice!"- Joey smiled, thinking it was probably Matthew wasn’t going to remember that conversation- "Listen, Yami, someone is trying to get into the bathroom."

- "That’s ok, I’ll call you later, ok dorky?"- he nodded and waved, the girl kissed the screen, but he had already hung down.

Joey hated being in Germany at the moment.

Could Gubler be an asshole and cheat? No way, Joey trusted him with her eyes wide shut. But he was hot and drunk, and she was sure there were more than just a couple of girls trying to get into his pants. If the guys were there- his friends- she wouldn’t even worry about it. But they weren’t. He was with some random people from the set she hadn’t even met.

Soon the regret of their last fight came to mind. They weren’t mad at each other, but perhaps… no, there’s no way he would be an asshole because of that stupid fight. It was a silly fight for her. Was it serious for him?

A few nights before, Matthew had gotten mad at a conversation with Joey ‘cos she didn’t want to change her last name. That’s what he picked from the conversation. She just said she didn’t think it was necessary to do so. He didn’t take it that well.

- "What’s the problem with changing your name?"

- "I’m just saying the tradition of women changing their last names after they marry it’s a bit old fashion. It makes me think women are still treated like an object that “belongs” to a man."

- "So you won’t change your last name?"- the girl frowned, staring at Matthew’s wide-opened eyes on the screen.

- "That’s not… do you want me to change it?"

- "Yes! of course, I do! you are gonna be my wife!"

- "So? If I’m still Joey Sveinbjörndottir after we marry, I won’t be your wife?"

- "That’s not what I meant"- Gubler was more frustrated than he had felt in months over any conversation they had ever had. This time, it was serious.

- "Then what is it?"

- "I’m just saying you should change your last name ‘cos we will be married, and I’d love for you to be Mrs. Gubler."

- "I will be your wife, isn’t that enough?"

- "Why do you always have to be so fucking independent?"- Matthew just yelled- "Can you just try to understand I want you to be mine? My wife! And I want everybody to know it!"

- "So you wanna put me on display?"

- "No!! Fuck no!!"- Matthew was tired and defeated. It seemed that stupid argument was more about a bunch of little things that had grown inside his head instead of just about the last name.

- "Why can’t I be independent? Is that a bad thing?"

- "No! It’s a good thing! I just... "- Matthew bit his tongue and sighed, trying to rearrange the thoughts in his head. He needed to make sure whatever he was going to say would explain his feelings clearly.

- "You just?"- Joey asked, standing in the middle of the hotel room she was staying at that night. She just stared at the wall, thinking she had no idea what had gotten into her boyfriend’s head.

- "I just don’t feel you need me sometimes."

- "What? Are you crazy?"

- "No, that’s what I feel. Are you gonna blame me for feeling?"

- "Well, you are being silly!"

Joey was real angry at him at the moment. Everything he had said hurt her. It seemed he had insulted all the kindness and love she had given him when it was very hard for her to show her feelings and let someone into her heart.

- "What is it that you want from me, Matthew? Do you want me to be needy and clingy? ‘Cos you know that’s not who I am!"

- "I know that! I just sometimes… it feels like you’d be great without me."

- "What?"

- "Like you don’t…"- but the girl didn’t let him continue.

- "Don’t say you feel I don’t love you!"

- "I know you love me."

- "Then?"

- "You don’t depend on me the way I depend on you"- the drummer was in shock at those words. Did he depend on her?- "You leave me here, you tour the world, you are happy, I’m here, I miss you. Every time we talk, you are shining… meanwhile, I am here, dying, waiting to be with you!"

- "First of all, you could come!"

- "I’m working too!"- but Joey cut him off and continued.

- "Second, who says I don’t miss you? Just because I’m not crying when we talk doesn’t mean I am not miserable! Matthew! What the fuck are you saying? I fucking love you with my whole life! I hate being here when I could be there with you at this very same minute doing anything together, even when that anything is staring at the wall! But I have to work, and I happen to love my job, the same way you love yours! You can’t blame me for not quitting!"

Joey bit her lips as she stared at Matthew at the other side of the screen. She was making her best not to cry. She had never been so mad at her fiancé before.

- "I just…"- he tried to continue, but his voice broke- "I feel like I’m going insane here without you"- tears fell from his eyes as Joey wiped off hers from her cheeks.

- "Matthew, I miss you too! Fuck! I’m going crazy, just like you! I want to be there. I wanna kiss you! I wanna make love to you! But… you can’t ask me to be someone I’m not! Can’t you just be happy your girlfriend loves you, misses you, and will marry you as soon as she finishes touring?"

Gubler sighed and stared at her.

- "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Matthew Gray Gubler. I don’t care about the last name. I don’t care about anything as long as you are beside me."

The young man sighed and cut her a short smile.

- "How do you always end up making me feel like a dork for getting mad at you?"

- "‘Cos I’m gonna be your wife, that’s my job"- she chuckled, and they stared in silence for a few seconds.

- "I love you so much, Joey."

- "I love you more, Matthew Gray."

That had been days before. Was Matthew still upset at her because of that? No way. He didn’t sound mad at all. He was just drunk and happy to celebrate his birthday.

- "You are overthinking this ‘cos you are far from him"- the girl reassured herself out loud and looked at the screen again- “Love you dorky”- she typed and sent her boyfriend a message. That was something he couldn’t forget.

The girl stayed still looking at the TV in front of her for a few seconds, but the knot in her stomach was too tight, and the thoughts in her head were too scary. She felt sick, scared, anxious.

Joey was jealous, shit!

She ended up puking in the bus’s tiny bathroom, just like every time she felt seriously distressed.

- "Hey, are you ok?"- Gerard found her on the bathroom floor, flushing, pale, and a little weak.

- "Yeah…"

- "Are you sick?"

- "No, I just… I’m ok."

- "Sure?"

- "Yeah, I just need an herbal tea. I felt dizzy all of a sudden"- she held the hand he offered her and stood up.

- "I’ll put on the kettle"- Joey stumbled a little as she walked with Gerard to the front of the bus.

- "Hey Bug"- she heard Mikey’s voice as he opened the curtain of his bunk. She slowly moved over and sat next to him- "Did you talk to Matthew?"

- "Yeah, he was wasted"- and Mikey chuckled.

- "That’s my boy."

- "I didn’t like it."

- "Come on, he is a good kid. He will probably drink his liver away and then go to bed, have a killer hangover, and talk to you until either of you falls asleep like he always does."

Mikey reassured her, and the girl chuckled, nodding. Her friend was right. She was still dizzy, though, so she carefully laid down next to him and felt his arms around her slowly.

- "Bug, you are freezing."

- "I’m ok. Gerard is making me an herbal tea… I should do it, actually; he ain’t my nanny"- the girl tried to stand up, but Mikey held her.

- "You should get into your bunk for another while. You might be getting the flu."

- "I’m ok, trust me"- she finally stood up and smiled at her friend.

- "Here, take my hoodie."

- "Thanks… it stinks."

- "But it’s warm, does the trick"- she smiled and put it on. Gerard had just left the cup of tea on the table. She walked over slowly and cut him a smile. An honest and nice smile.

- "Thank you, Gerard."

- "You can call me Gee, you know"- she nodded and sat down by the table.

Gerard sat in front of her, sipping his fresh cup of coffee. The two of them were quiet. Joey was thinking about Gubler. What was he doing at that very exact moment? Why wasn’t she there? How would it have been if they were together? They would probably be naked in his bed. And that would be great. It would be way much better than what she was doing at the moment, sitting on a bus staring at the window.

- "Are you sure you are alright?"- he whispered, and she nodded again- "Do you wanna go back to bed? I mean bunk."

- "No, I’m fine here… besides, we should be getting ready…"- she stayed quiet and looked outside- "Where are we?"

- "Munich"

- "Great… we had a hotel room here, right?"

- "Yeah"

- "Finally!!!"- she raised her arms, and he chuckled- "I need a real bed."

- "Me too."

- "And a long fucking bath"- he nodded and looked into her eyes. They were stuck in the cup of tea again.

- "We’ve got the Valencia gig in a couple of days."

- "Right! The MTV streamed no stressful at all show in Spain"- he chuckled and nodded.

- "Nervous?"

- "Not really"- she lied, the fact MTV was going to stream the show was freaking her out, but at the moment, she didn’t care that much. Her head was back in Los Angeles. Her phone hummed, and she quickly grabbed it. “I love you too,” Matthew had written, and a deep sigh came from her lips. Gerard was going to ask something, but not a word came from his lips. Instead, Jeff - their tour manager - opened the door and smiled.

- "I got you an early check-in at the hotel."

And those words were music for Joey’s ears.

That day was hell for the girl. The good thing was the band didn’t have anything to do but play the show, which meant: movies with Mikey and Frank, the best way to keep her head busy from thinking the worst.

- "I’m bored"- Frank whispered as he played with Joey’s hair, who was laid next to him.

- "We have to leave for the show in a while"- Mikey whispered, half awake, half asleep.

- "Great"- the girl murmured, eyes glued at the screen- "I’m hungry."

- "You just ate."

- "I’m bored. Boredom makes me hungry."

- "Come on, let’s get something to eat"- Frank grabbed Joey’s hand and stood up- "I need to move from this bed, or I’m gonna die of boredom."

- "Can you bring me some ice cream?"- Mikey asked from the bed as Joey and Frank put on their shoes.

- "Nope, if you want something, you gotta come with us"- the girl smiled at her friend, who didn’t move.

- "Damn it! Fine… I won’t have ice cream."

- "Good for you, see ya!"

Gerard was just done jerking off in his bed. He wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t have much to do. He had tried to make music, but shit wasn’t working. He had thought about calling his wife, but it was five in the morning in Los Angeles. He was miserable. He wanted to find a way to end his agony. But all he could think about was Joey walking around the bus in her pajamas. Joey sleeping in the back of the bus in those shorts and a tank top. Joey curled on a couch reading Edgar Allan Poe. His cock was killing him, and his hand hadn’t been enough. He wanted her so bad it hurt, and masturbation just wasn’t enough anymore.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her. That he was willing to make her happy. But he knew he couldn’t do either of those things.

- “Come live with me and my wife, ‘cos polygamy ain’t illegal or whatever.”

The singer sighed and looked at the ceiling, toilet paper all over his hand, cleaning the mess he had left.

- "You have issues, dude"- Gerard said out loud and closed his eyes. Honestly, there was nothing he could do but to love the girl from a safe distance and hope for his feelings to fade as soon as the tour was over.

Way didn’t want that tour to end because he didn’t want to be apart from Joey. In fact, Gerard was starting to feel obsessed. He hated it, but still, he didn’t know how to stop.

Frank kept laughing like a kid as he and Joey sat at the hotel’s roof deck. He was drinking a beer and smoking while she finished her second ice cream.

- "Mikey Fucking Way"- she argued, frowning- "Because of him, I can’t stop thinking about getting ice cream."

- "You are so fucking high in sugar"- Frank added and grinned.

- "I know! It’s gonna be hell when I get my sugar hangover."

- "I can kiss your temples if that helps"- he answered and winked at her. The girl smiled and raised an eyebrow.

- "Why are you such a flirt with me, Frank Anthony?"

- "I am not a flirt!"- he answered, nearly insulted, but still chuckled after a few seconds as his friend stared at him right into the eyes.

- "Come on! We’ve been friends for a long while now. You are always such a flirt with me. Are you like this with all the girls?"

- "Define like this"- he answered with a lower voice and made his best to look as hot as fuck.

- "Just what you did, you are adorable and hot and cute and all innocent. Why are you like that?"

- "Why? You don’t like it?"

- "I love it, it’s so fucking funny and cute, like you. But sometimes it makes me wonder if you are like that with all the girls…"

- "Why?"

- "’Cause I know you are just my friend, and you can be as flirty as you want; I know it’s a game. But what if you do this with someone who doesn’t get it as I do… then what?"- Frank stayed quiet, looking at his friend. Then took a long drag from his cigarette.

- "What if I’m just a flirt with you?"

- "I surely doubt it"- Joey quickly answered, laughing- "I’ve seen you flirt with basically 99% of the girls we’ve met this tour. You just don’t notice it."

- "I haven’t!"

- "You do, Frank, that’s why I know you are harmless"- that frustrated the guitarist, though he knew he wasn’t going to get any with her anyway. She was his friend; he loved his wife. He just thought Joey was hot.

- "Tell you what, I like flirting with you ‘cos you are cute, and you don’t get nervous"- Iero simply confessed.

- "Of course, I don’t! You are my friend, and this is like…"

- "The nature of our friendship?"

- "You just read my mind, Jersey"- the two of them stayed quiet and smiled.

- "I would hit on you if I wasn’t married, though"- Joey burst out laughing at those words, but Frank just smiled- "I mean it."

- "I know."

- "If I wasn’t… and I did… do you think I’d stand a chance?"- the girl blushed and finished her ice cream.

- "I’d say you would if Gub wasn’t in the picture, of course. We could have gone out on a couple of dates, have fun."

- "And fuck like bunnies"- Frank added, and Joey hit his arm.

- "Dude, you are my friend. Friends don’t fuck."

- "What? So friends make love? besides, we are talking about an alternative universe that will never happen!"

- "Shut up!! You are gross!!"- Joey covered her face with both hands as she shook her head- "You are so fucking funny Jersey, I’m glad I met you."

- "I’m glad I met you too, Iceland. You should stay forever"- she smiled and nodded.

- "I’m not going anywhere today."

- "I mean, you should sign to be a member of the band, like… one of us."

- "One of the guys?"

- "Yeah"- she smiled and held his hand.

- "You are taking this relationship too fast. We’ve been together a few months. We haven’t even moved in together. I don’t think we are quite there yet."

- "You live on my fucking face, Iceland"- Frank laughed and pushed her- "Which reminds me, you have to do your fucking laundry."

- "Yeah… I swear I’ll do it in Spain, while you do all the press and I have the hotel all by myself."

- "You know, sometimes I hate you for that."

- "For not having to do any interviews?"

- "Yeah… I hate those things."

- "Why? 'cos you have to sit in front of a microphone for hours answering the same fucking questions, over and over again?"- she said, smiling.

- "Fuck you."

- "I’m sorry!!"- she laughed, and he grinned- "I bet press sucks, but it comes hand in hand with being a rockstar."

- "I hate that too"- he said and scratched his head, stubbing his cigar in an ashtray- "I just wanted to make music. I don’t know where everything else came from. Sometimes I wish I could stop it all and go home, be with my babies, with my wife."

Frank suddenly had gotten too serious and too deep, something Joey knew was like the comet Halley: it happened once in a lifetime around her.

- "Why don’t you stop?"- she innocently asked, mostly ‘cos she had thought about stopping herself.

- "I don’t know, it’s like… you somehow got trapped in this machine, and it won’t stop working, and if you take a step back, it all collapses…-" he looked at his hands as he spoke, but Joey held them and smiled.

- "I don’t think anything is gonna collapse if you stop doing tour after tour for a while"- she whispered- "There are more important things in life than concerts, you know."

- "Name one"- he said and looked into her eyes.

- "Your kids"

- "Nailed it"- and Joey burst out laughing- "It was too easy!"

- "Exactly, nothing is more important than the ones we love, so shut the fuck up and man up! ask for a break every once in a while, ‘cos this leg of the tour, I must say, has been misery for all of us."

- "I know!"- Frank gesticulated in the most Jersey Italian way that always made Joey laugh- "It’s been hell!"

- "The only good thing of it all, other than the money, I mean"- she said and chuckled- "It’s the fact I can call you my friend."

- "Awww, Iceland. You could have called me your friend from day one, even when I hated the guts out of you."

- "Why did you hate me, by the way?"

- "‘Cos I wanted to do you so bad I didn’t want you in the band"- Frank simply answered, and the drummer raised an eyebrow.

- "Are you joking?"- by her face, Iero could tell the comment hadn’t been the best he had done.

- "Of course, I am!!"- no, he wasn’t- "I just didn’t want to make a circus out of the fact you are a girl. I knew people would start making up stories, and Jamia would be nervous and jealous because of you… having a woman in the band back then meant a mess I didn’t want to deal with."

- "And why did you change your mind?"

- "Mikey forced me"- Joey nodded, and Frank smiled- "And Jamia was really into you from day one. She loved the idea of adding a girl into the tour ‘cos there weren’t enough women in rock… but mostly ‘cos I told her your boyfriend was the hot guy from Criminal Minds, and I swear, she nearly yelled. She wanted me to friend you so she could meet him."

- "I’m in this band ‘cos your wife thinks my soon to be husband is hot?"- and Frank nodded- "I owe Jamia more than I thought I would. Maybe I can send her a picture of Matthew naked"- Frank raised an eyebrow as Joey smiled- "You know she is gonna love those."

- "But he is so tall… he is gonna make me look bad"- he joked, and Joey laughed like she hadn’t laugh that whole day.

- "Of course, he is. But in your defense… he could make every single fucking man on earth look bad. Have you seen his feet?"

- "Joey!! Shut up!!!"

Matthew woke up on his bed, his head killing him and a complete blur of what his night had been. He just sat and scratched his head.

- “What time is it?... wait, how did I get home?... fuck!! What happened last night?!”

The young actor nearly jumped as he started to recap his birthday party. The cast from the movie had arranged a party in a local bar, he was really happy about it, though he almost declined it. He was tired, but his co-star convinced him it was a great idea to go out, get to know everybody a little better, and start his birthday celebration.

- "Oh fuck"- he grunted- "My fucking head is killing me…"- he reached out for his phone and found it on his nightstand. He had a few unread messages from Joey

- “I love you Akumu!”- he smiled right away- “Remember to leave a bottle of water by your bed to keep you hydrated”- and he had indeed left one there- “Save some birthday belated celebration for my comeback in a few days.”

- "Honey!"- his mother’s voice took him from his head as he looked at his bedroom’s door

- "Mom! What are you doing here?"

- "Happy birthday, honey!!"- he stood up and walked over to hug her immediately.

- "Mom! Thank you so much for coming!"

- "I had to come, I have to give you something"- the actor frowned- "This came into the mail for you a few weeks ago, but I had to wait until today to give it to you"

Mrs. Gubler smiled as she gave her son a box. It was completely hand-drawn with jako lanterns, cute skulls, ghosts, and hearts.

- "What is this?"

- "A present that you got from very far away, or so it seems."

Matthew grabbed the box and sat on his bed to open it. Inside, there was a letter from his fiancé, a couple of gorgeous kimonos, Japanese books, art, a few Halloween shirts, and unmatching socks. Matthew was speechless, staring at the box. It was amazing.

- "I can’t believe this"

- "Joey sent it when she reached London, and we agreed I would bring it to you today."

- "Thank you"- he moved over and gave her a hug.

- "Don’t thank me for coming over on your birthday, honey. I love you, thank the girl at the other side of the world who gathered everything you might love and shipped it to you on your special day"- she kissed his cheeks and stood up-" I’m gonna make you breakfast, and you are gonna take a shower ‘cos you stick, are you still drunk?"

- "No mom"

- "Then call your wife! And thank her for the presents!"

- "Yes, mom!"

Matthew grabbed his phone, smiling, and dialed Joey’s number. It rang once. It rang twice. He was about to give up and try later when the girl picked up and smiled at the other side of the screen.

- "Birthday boy!"

- "Baby! You are amazing!"- he quickly said and laid back on his bed- "I just got my presents."

- "Did your mom give you the box?! did you like it?"

- "Hell yeah! It’s amazing, thank you"

- "Did you like the kimonos?"

- "They are the softest!"

- "I know!! I was in shock! You can hang them in the kimono closet!! So when you get home, you can get naked, grab a kimono and just relax!"

- "Are you gonna be naked under your kimono too?"- the girl giggled nervously.

- "That’s very likely"

- "I like that idea. Where are you?"

- "Backstage warming up, we are playing at eight… did you just wake up?"

- "Yeah…"- he whispered and closed his eyes.

- "You were fucking wasted last night."

- "I thought you didn’t notice"- he answered, chuckling, still feeling uneasy about his wild night out. It felt off. Probably ‘cos he was way too hungover.

- "Matthew Gray Gubler, I’m gonna be your wife. I know when you are drunk, you can’t fool me even if you tried your best"- the actor laughed softly (laughing also hurt) and nodded at Joey- "Wait, the guys wanna say hello."

Matthew saw Mikey, Frank, and Ray appear and waved at the camera.

- "Happy birthday, dude!"- Ray said smiling- "How’s the hangover?"

- "Killing me!"

- "Save some liver for our party, man!"- Mikey said and waved too

- "Hope you have a great day!"- Frank added.

- "Thanks, guys!"- Matthew said and waved, yet his eyes were glued at Joey, who kept looking at him with a warm smile.

- "Where’s Gerard?"- Mikey asked and looked around. Gerard. Gubler frowned immediately. He hated him deeply, and he hated the fact Joey worked with him.

- "He was smoking outside"- Frank answered and waved again at the screen- "See you, Gubler!"

- "Bye guys!"- the band walked away, and Joey was now again all alone- "Hey, gorgeous"

- "Hey, wild party beast. What are you doing for the rest of your birthday?"

- "I’m not leaving this bed"- Joey laughed and looked at him in silence for a couple of minutes.

- "I’m gonna be in that bed with you in twelve days, can you believe that?"

- "I’ve waited so long it seems to be an eternity, but at the same time, it feels like it’s gonna be tomorrow."

- "I know exactly how you feel."

- "Honey! breakfast!"- Matthew’s mother yelled from the kitchen, making the young man laugh.

- "I am ten years old again, or was that just a strong flashback?"

- "Go eat, I’ll play a show, and I’ll call you from the hotel, ok?"- he nodded and smiled.

- "I love you so much, Yami."

- "I love you more, Matthew Gray “birthday boy” Gubler. Talk to you in a couple of hours."

The actor hung down and sighed. He felt happy to know he had her in his life. That she was gonna be his wife. As he thought about it, he started going through some of the pictures from the night before. He remembered half of it, but it felt like he had fun.

- "Fuck!!"- he shouted and wide opened his eyes.

Maybe a little too much fun.

Matthew stared at the screen in shock. There was a picture of him kissing two girls at the same time. Two. Girls. Kissing. Him. At. The. Same. Fucking. Time. And it didn’t help when he noticed, one of those girls was his ex-girlfriend.

- "Shit! Shit! Shit!"- he kept going through the party pictures, shots, laughter, his ex kissing him while they danced. Bunch of people, more people laughing, his ex and her friend kissing him again.

- "Fucking shit! What the fuck did I do?!"

Matthew’s heart was about to come out of his throat as he started deleting every single photo from his phone. Why were those there? Why did he do that? Who saw him? Where were those pictures now?

- "What the fuck did you do, mother fucker?! What else did you do?!"

Matthew couldn’t move. He just sat with the phone in his hands, thinking if he erased those pictures from his phone, it was like it never happened. But now it was in his mind, and he couldn’t stop the memories from coming back.

He was drunk and sad after talking with Joey. He had another shot and decided to go home, but his ex-girlfriend and one of her friends- part of the team of the movie he was filming- appeared and invited him to dance. Drunk Matthew didn’t seem to think it was a bad idea and joined them on the dancefloor. They danced, the girls started kissing. Gubler liked it and didn’t move away when they moved closer to him and started kissing with him too.

- "Oh fuck!!"- he wanted to kill himself.

But that wasn’t all. He wished it was, but it was all coming back now. His ex took him to the backroom.

- "No!"- Matthew yelled, widening his eyes- "No!"- he repeated, as his mother appeared running into his room.

- "Honey! What is it?! What happened?"

- "I fucked it up!"- he simply answered and didn’t move an inch

- "What are you talking about?"

- "Last night at the party… I ran into Annie, and she was with a friend and…"- the actor made a pause and scratched his head aggressively

- "Matthew?"

- "And they kissed me happy birthday…"

- "Matthew?"

- "And then… mom sorry, I can’t tell you this"- the young man tried to stand up, but his mother stopped him.

- "Matthew Gray Gubler, what did you do last night?"

- "I made out with them, and Annie gave me a blowjob"- he covered his face with both hands, embarrassed and regretful. He felt sick, dirty, gross. He felt like an animal, like everything he had always hated, like a man who cheated.

He cheated. And he wasn’t going to be able to undo it or even forget it.

Matthew broke into tears quietly at first, but his sobbing grew bigger, sadder, and more desperate. He hated himself, he needed to find a way to forget about what had happened, but he couldn’t. Instead, the memories kept coming; Annie kneeled in front of him.

- "Mom… I fucked it up."

- "Yes"- she simply replied- "You did, and Joey is gonna find out, no matter if you don’t tell her."

- "How do you know? Maybe no one saw us"- the actor was in denial and desperate to find anything that could keep him from dealing with the truth- I might have just dreamt the whole thing, maybe it never happened

- "Matthew?"

- "Maybe I can forget about it. If I don’t remember it, then it never happened."

- "Matthew"

- "Mom, I can’t tell her!"- he nearly shouted, nervous and grossed out by himself.

- "I didn’t raise a liar or a cheater"- the young man looked at his mother with watered-up eyes.

- "How am I supposed to tell her something like this? she is gonna hate me! She is gonna break up with me, mom. I know her."

- "You have to take responsibility for the things you’ve done, Matthew. You said you wanted to marry her. You can’t start that commitment with a lie."

- "She is gonna hate me… fuck, I hate me…"

- "Well, you brought it to yourself, Matthew Gray, so you have to fix it."

Gubler took a long shower and cried half of it. He couldn’t believe what he had gotten into. Or why. What had gotten into him to get so drunk ‘till the point of letting his ex-girlfriend give him a blow job? That wasn’t him. He remembered he felt bad after talking with Joey. He knew he couldn’t stop thinking she was touring with Gerard and hated him. What if he had tried to make his move on her? What if she fell for him? She wouldn’t. But what if she did? They had been apart for so long. No, he trusted her with his life. She would never do such a thing.

Then why had he done it?

Matthew honestly wanted to kill himself. That’s how guilty he felt. He knew Joey was never going to forgive him, and he was considering not ever telling her. She was never going to find out if he didn’t confess. Maybe he could take it to the grave.

Mikey hugged Joey goodnight and watched her walk to her room. Gerard looked at them from the other side of the hallway. The girl waved at him, and he waved back.

- "Hey! What are you doing?"- Mikey asked his brother as he lazily walked over him, weary after the show.

- "I just wanted to know if you wanna hang out. James and Frank are locked in their rooms already. Maybe we can watch a movie or something. I don’t feel like being on my own for a while"- Mikey nodded at Gerard.

- "Sure, man. Let me take a shower, and I’ll be right there."

Originally, Gerard wanted to drag Joey along with his brother, ‘cos it seemed like the only way to hang out with her. But she had disappeared way too fast to make his move.

The girl took a shower, put on her pajamas, and dialed Matthew’s number. He didn’t reply.

- "Hangover man has to be hanging out with his mom"- the girl thought out loud and grabbed a book to kill time. He was going to call when he was ready to talk.

Was he?

Matthew saw his cell phone right and froze. His hands shook when he reached out to answer, and that’s when he realized he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to be able to lie to her. But he couldn’t tell her either. He was home alone. His mom was out, mainly to give him space to think and talk with Joey in private. But yet, Matthew didn’t know what to do or what to say.

- "Ok, she is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you are willing to do everything that’s in your power to keep her by your side"- he said and looked at his reflex in the mirror and then washed his face.

- "Akumu!"- Joey smiled as soon as he saw him- "How was breakfast?"

- "Chocolate chips hotcakes with a whipped cream smile on top, and lots of coffee."

- "Spoiled by your mother on your birthday, lucky man"- he smiled and felt a knot in his throat.

- “Fuck! this is going to be so hard!” And how was the show?"

- "It was good, not the finest though… we are all so fucking tired"- the girl laid on her bed and smiled at her boyfriend- "When I get home, I’m not leaving that bed Matthew Gray Gubler, I’m gonna spend every second there... sleeping."

- "I’m not planning on sleeping if you are in this bed"- he answered and felt his voice shake at the end of the sentence, guilt taking over him.

- "You are gonna have to let me sleep at least a day. I’m so fucking tired and jet-lagged all the time. This tour ruined my sleeping schedule"- Joey joked but frowned as she noticed her boyfriend had tears falling from his eyes- "Akumu, what is it? Are you ok? Why are you crying?"

- "‘Cos I miss you"- he simply answered- "I miss you so fucking much! Can we just get married when you get here? I’ll pick you up at the airport, drive us to the nearest church, and we just get married right away"- the girl sighed with watered-up eyes herself as she stared at Gubler sobbing.

- "I miss you too… and I can’t wait to marry you either."

- "Can you promise me you’ll always be with me? No matter what?"

- "Matthew, I swear I’ll always be by your side"- the girl felt broken-hearted by the emotion in her fiancé’s words. She had never seen him so sad before, was it because she wasn’t there on his birthday?- "That is the main reason why I wanna marry you dorky, ‘cos I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, in one eternal Halloween"- Matthew smiled at those words and wiped off his tears.

- "Sorry, I’m just a little emotional… ‘cos I miss you, and I need you here."

- "I’m sorry I couldn’t be there."

- "No, Yami, don’t be sorry. You are working! And you are so awesome and incredible. I swear I don’t deserve you."

Matthew kept trying to stop crying, but it was harder than he thought. He was feeling so guilty, so low, the worst human on earth. And the girl on the other side of the world was just telling him she thought he was the best man amongst them all.

- "Yes, you do! You are an incredible man, hangover boy! I should be the one telling you how amazing you are, it’s your birthday! I want to make you feel happy all the time, please don’t be sad!"

- "I just need to see your face to be happy today"- he answered without hesitation and sighed- "You know what?"

- "What?"

- "I’m gonna tour with you."

- "What?"- Joey frowned and looked at how Matthew sat correctly on his bed and fixed his hair.

- "Yes, I will. I hate this. I hate being apart from you this long. So next couple of months, I’m gonna follow you wherever you go."

- "You’d do that for me?"- the girl widened her eyes

- "Joey, I would do anything for you"- Matthew made sure to pronounce every word as slowly as possible as he looked at her eyes- "So I’ll schedule plane tickets to be with you."

- "And your work?"

- "You are more important than my job. I can’t be like this anymore, we are gonna finish the movie in two weeks, and after that, my only job will be to clap after every song you play"- Joey smiled, feeling her heart swell with love, as a few more tears fell from her eyes.

- "You are making me so happy."

- "My plans for as long as I live exactly."

Mikey and Gerard were laid watching tv. Mikey kept surfing channels while Gerard sipped his diet coke and scrolled down his Twitter timeline. Neither of them felt like talking, pretty much ‘cos they were tired, and after being so many weeks stuck together, there wasn’t much new to say.

- "Weird!"- Mikey chuckled as they caught a Criminal Minds episode and Matthew as Spencer Reid appeared on screen- "I never thought I’d friend this guy."

- "Why did you do that? he is an asshole"- Gerard simply answered and kept his eyes stuck on the phone.

- "He’s not an asshole. He is hilarious. You’d like him if you met him."

- "Not interested"- Mikey frowned and kept surfing channels- "Wow, I thought you were going to watch your boyfriend’s show."

- "Wow, very mature, Gerard."

- "Sorry"- the singer knew he had crossed the line, mostly ‘cos he shouldn’t show how much he hated Matthew because…

- "Why do you hate him so much?"- because Mikey could start asking questions, and he didn’t want to talk.

- "I don’t hate him. He is not my friend, which is very different."

- "And Joey is not your friend either"- Mikey added- "You never talk to her."

- "She never talks to me"- Gerard added, and his voice betrayed him, showing some bitterness in his words.

- "Well, maybe because you didn’t want her in the band."

- "It’s been months. Get over it."

- "Now that I think about it, you are not even close to her at all…"

- "You are way too close to her, close enough for the two of us"- Gerard spit those words, still not looking at his brother.

- "What? Are you jealous or something?"

- "No!"- he snorted- "Why? Should I?"

- "I don’t know. You are being an asshole."

- "I’m just tired…"- Gerard came up with the worst excuse ever

- "Ok, if you are tired, I’ll leave you to sleep, dude, you are not what I call a pleasure to hang out with anyway"- Mikey stood up and walked to the door- "See you tomorrow at the plane."

Mikey left the room, and Gerard groaned, annoyed. He grabbed the remote control and surfed the channels until he found Criminal Minds again. He just wanted to see Matthew’s face to hate him even more.

- "What’s so special about this asshole? He is just a pretty boy, no talent, definitely no acting skills… He is tall. That’s all he has in his favor"- Gerard was arguing with the television out loud.

- "I mean… it’s clear he is not as smart as his character, and he ain’t funny either, shit! I bet he hasn’t done anything but this stupid tv show and those 3 minutes in the Wes Anderson movie."

Gerard opened google and searched for information about Matthew Gray Gubler, just to make sure he was a loser. He hated to know he wasn’t, though Gerard thought everything he had done had been pathetic so far. Everything but proposing Joey. And that was what Gerard hated the most. It was sick, and he knew it, that obsession he had about that girl, the one he couldn’t have. He just couldn’t take the idea of being with her out of his mind. Why? Was it because obviously, she didn’t want him? Many girls hadn’t wanted him before. Why was this one killing him slowly?

- "Oh fuck!"- Gerard nearly shook with his coke when he saw a picture of Matthew’s birthday- "Oh man!! I knew you were too good for my girl!!"- Gerard wanted to jump when he saw a picture of Matthew making out with a girl and the comment: “Matthew Gray Gubler birthday, 2011”.

- "You are going down!!"

::: Munich, March 10th, 2011 :::

Ray and Joey walked out of a Krispy Kremes at the airport, waiting for their flight to Valencia, holding a huge box of freshly made donuts. Joey was in heaven, and Ray was laughing at how excited she was about coffee and sugar.

- "Touring with you and Mikey together has been the best training to be a dad one day"- the guitarist said, chuckling.

- "Are you planning on having babies, dad?"

- "Yeah, it’s something me and Christa have talked about a few times. I want to wait until life gets a little bit less… messy ‘cos I wanna be with her the whole way and enjoy our babies."

- "Oh, dad, you are so cute"- the girl pout and punched his arm- "I want babies too, but I don’t think it will happen soon."

- "Why?"

- "Well, ‘cos I guess I want to wait until I have a steady job first."

- "And what is this for you?"- Toro gesticulated.

- "I’m your drummer for the tour Ray. The tour will end at some point, though it seems endless right now, and I will have to look for another job. And what if I get another tour drummer job? I’m gonna have to travel again. When am I going to be home with my husband to make and raise a baby?"

- "Well… after the tour you could be our studio drummer too, and you can stay in Los Angeles with Matthew and start making babies"- the girl chuckled at those words, though she liked the idea- "You should name your firstborn Ray though, I’ll put that in the contract"- both of them laughed and reached their gate.

- "Kids! Sugar!"- Joey’s smile shone as she gave Frank and Mikey the donuts box.

Gerard looked at her and sighed, thinking he wanted to tell her what he knew about Matthew, but it hurt him to know how much damage it was going to mean for her

- "Hey, Gerard!"- she snapped her fingers in front of him- "This one has your name on it. I figured you’d like a cappuccino cream donut."

- "Thank you"- he felt his cheeks blushing as he held the donut and smiled at Joey- "Sugar low?"

- "Yeah, my body needs some fuel to work until we reach the next hotel, and I can sleep some more."

- "Why? You didn’t sleep well last night?"- Gerard bit his donut and stared at Joey’s cheek turning red.

- "No, I stayed up talking with Matthew until three am."

- "Wow… really? Everything ok?"- Gerard’s heart beat a little faster with those words. She wouldn’t be so happy if she knew what Gubler was doing behind her back. Or did she not care? No, it was more likely she had no idea.

- "Yeah, we just miss each other a lot, and it was his birthday. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, even on FaceTime."

- "His birthday!"- Gerard nodded- "Right, so he didn’t party or whatever?“Smooth dude, good”

- "He did, the night before with some friends from work, he was kind of hungover"- Joey smiled again- "So last night was our moment to celebrate."

- "Dude, please. I don’t wanna picture you and Matthew having phone sex"- Frankie showed up and grabbed Joey’s coffee- "I mean, you, that I can imagine, but him… not so much."

- "Jersey!!"- the girl frowned and smacked him.

- "What?!"

- "Stop being disgusting!"- he chuckled, and she took her coffee back from his hands

- "We all knew what you meant when you said you “stayed up talking with Matthew until three am”- Iero air quoted and laughed again- "We’ve all been there, I’ve been there like three times in the latest weeks."

- "Come on!!!"- Joey smacked him again and walked away. Frank kept laughing for a few seconds and finished his donut.

- "Hey guys, come closer"- Gerard whispered as he noticed Joey had walked away, probably to the bathroom- "I need to tell you something."

- "What?"- Mikey raised an eyebrow as he moved closer ‘cos his brother had whispered.

- "Last night, I was on Twitter, and this picture of Gubler appeared… he… he cheated on Joey at his birthday party."

Gerard had prepared the speech to make sure no one would ever know he had been looking for information about Gubler and saved the picture as proof.

- "What the fuck?"- Mikey grabbed the phone from his brother’s hand and took a look at the picture.

- "Are you sure that’s him?"- Ray moved closer and took a long look at the picture.

- "Yeah! It’s him! He cheated on the party Joey told us he had with his friends"- Mikey was in shock. He walked away and closed his eyes, thinking about Joey and how she would take the news. Frank was so mad. He wanted to kill that guy. He also walked away and murmured curses for a minute straight. Ray couldn’t believe it, and his only concern at the moment was:

- "We have to tell her"

- "How can we tell her that?!"- Mikey pointed at the phone- "We are gonna break her!"

- "He broke her!"- Gerard argued- "He is the one who fucked it up! We are her friends, and we have to let her know what’s going on"- the band stayed quiet, neither of them knowing what to say.

- "Hey kids!"- Joey appeared suddenly smiling- "Why did you all get all serious? Did something happen?"

- "Yeah"- Gerard said, and Frank quickly interrupted him.

- "I ate the last donut and didn’t share it"- the girl raised an eyebrow.

- "Bullshit."

- "No, Gerard wanted it, and it seems I tend to hoard all the sweets…"- Joey frowned at that nonsense.

- "You do"- Mikey supported his lie flawlessly- "You always eat more than us!"

- "Ok… sure…"- Joey walked to a chair and looked at her phone. Mikey turned to his brother and punched his arm.

- "Not here! Don’t be an asshole! We wait until we are in the hotel! You can’t do this in public!"- Gerard felt like an ass. His brother was right. He was so desperate to end that relationship he wasn’t thinking straight.

He wanted to end a relationship that wasn’t even his. What had he turned into? A cold-blooded asshole who craved a girl so much, he was willing to ruin her life to get a chance to be with her?

Mikey was playing with his fingers nonstop. He just wanted to get out of the plane and avoid Joey for a long while. He was thankful the girl was sound asleep next to him ‘cos he knew he wouldn’t be able to pretend things were cool and peachy. Mikey knew he was a lousy liar. He wasn’t going to act like everything was good.

- "Hey"- Frank waved and pointed to the back of the plane. Mikey stood up and followed him, there Ray and Gerard were waiting for them.

- "What is it?"

- "We have to talk about what happened. When are we going to tell her?"- Gerard said, and the four of them looked at each other in silence for a few seconds- "I know it’s crap, but we can’t leave her in the dark about it… can we?"

- "No man"- Frank said and took a look around, scared the girl might see or hear them- "But… she is gonna be a mess, and I don’t wanna feel like we did this to her."

- "He did this to her"- Gerard quickly replied- "This whole shit is his fault."

- "Gubler should tell her"- Iero added. He didn’t feel like he could do such harm to her friend. He was going to harm Gubler, but not Joey.

- "He won’t do that, Frank"- Ray said- "But… I don’t want to be a cold bitch here, but we’ve got the Valencia show in two days, and that shit will be televised… if we tell her… and she wants to leave…"

- "Dude, we can’t wait that long"- Gerard interrupted him.

- "Why not?"- Ray asked, and Way didn’t reply. His honest answer was: “Because I wanna hold her tight and tell her “everything is gonna be ok” as soon as possible. And I also want to ruin Matthew’s life in the shortest notice”.

- "Because if she finds out that we knew and we didn’t tell her, we are gonna pay. She is gonna think we betrayed her"- Mikey answered instead of Gerard, ‘cos he had a reasonable answer.

- "You are right"- Ray nodded- "And that would be hell"- the four of them nodded.

- "So? Tonight?"- Frank asked- "We should get her something…"

- "Like what? Flowers?"- Gerard asked, confused.

- "Like alcohol, chocolate, chick flicks"- Mikey frowned at his brother- "So you never helped a friend when her boyfriend dumped her?"- and Gerard stayed still- "Wow, you can’t cease to amaze me."

- "I didn’t have many girlfriends back in the days"- Gerard explained.

- "Whatever…"

- "Ok, so after dinner, we go to her room"- Frank finished, and they all accepted- "Ok, now let me go to the bathroom ‘cos I need to take a piss, come on, move it."

Ray looked around his room and sighed. He had called Christa and told her what was going on. He felt responsible for Joey’s wellbeing, and at that moment, he was scared of what would happen. His wife was in shock. She couldn’t believe Matthew had done such a thing. She even doubted it was real.

- "Are you sure that the picture isn’t photoshopped?"

- "Yeah!"

- "Really?"- Ray doubted

- "Well, it looked very real to me"

- "Why don’t you ask him?"

- "Yes, honey! He is going to come clean right away!"

- "I mean it, baby! Maybe it wasn’t a party, maybe it was a scene from his coming up film out of context, maybe it was a bad angle."

- "Christa, the tongue of two women were liking him at the very same time unless he is doing porn, there is no way that’s from his upcoming movie!"- Ray made a point, and his wife’s silence made it clear. Now he was walking in circles, trying to set his mind straight. He had never done this before, and shit, he didn’t want to.

The guitarist grabbed the Pride and Prejudice blu ray he had gotten that afternoon and sighed. It was time. He walked out to the hall and into the elevator. Just outside of Joey’s room, he bumped into Mikey and Frank. One held a paper bag with some chocolates and candies, and the other, a whiskey bottle. Of course, the whiskey guy was Iero.

- "Should we wait for Gerard?"- Ray asked

- "Nah"- Frank knocked and waited- "He is always late."

- "And you are always so on time"- Mikey joked and chuckled.

- "Hey! Ready for that movie?"- Joey opened the door smiling- "Say hello to Matthew!!"- the girl flipped her phone, and her boyfriend waved at the band.

- "Hey guys"- but neither of them smiled at him.

- "We are gonna watch a movie"- Joey turned and walked back- "I’ll call you in a while, ok?"

- "Sure, Yami. I love you so much!"

- "I love you more!"

- "Have fun"- Joey hung down and looked at her friends, narrowing her eyes, upset- "What the fuck is your problem?"

- "Bug, we need to talk"- the knock on the door interrupted Mikey, but Frank walked over quickly and opened it.

- "We are starting. What did you bring?"- Gerard frowns at that questions

- "You weren’t kidding? We had to bring something? Like a birthday party?"

- "Shit, you are an asshole"- Frank just shook his head.

- "Mikey, Ray? What is it?"- the girl sat on her bed, leg crossed, as Mikey sat next to her and held her hand.

- "Turns out we’ve got some news for you."

- "Am I fired?"- she wide opened her eyes in shock- "I am, right? Fuck I knew this was gonna happen eventually."

- "No, Bug, you are not fired"- Ray sat next to Mikey and smiled- "We are more than happy to have you here, and we would love to have you with us forever."

- "Yeah, Iceland, you are one of us now. Deal with the fact you are doomed"- Frank said and moved closer to the girl to mess with her hair.

- "Then?"- she asked and looked at the four worried faces in front of her- "What is it? ‘Cos it seems serious."

None of them knew how to say it, though each of them had practiced it in front of the mirror. And Gerard, the one who was anxious to say it, suddenly felt the remorse of being the one to break it on Joey’s face. He knew it had to happen, though. That didn’t make it less sad.

- "Joey, last night I found this picture of Gubler’s birthday party on Twitter"- the singer simply said and gave her his phone.

Mikey closed his eyes, and Frank looked down. Neither of them was able to face the girl at the moment. Joey just stared at the screen in silence for at least a minute, holding her breath. There he was, Matthew. Cheating. What she thought was impossible happened. And the most profound pain she could feel took over her body second by second.

Her world fell down. She couldn’t believe it. Matthew was kissing his ex-girlfriend. She recognized her right away, the other girl, she had no idea who she was.

He betrayed her trust. He destroyed her heart, she could feel it breaking inside her chest, with deep aching pain, and it didn’t let her breathe. She wanted everybody out of the room to cry alone. She wanted to smash Gerard’s phone against the wall. And most of all, she wanted to find an explanation, maybe an excuse for that fucking image. It was to be a lie. Matthew would never do that. Never. Thoughts kept rolling down her head. It was a lie. It had to be. Maybe a fan photoshopped it. Perhaps it was old. Maybe it wasn’t Gubs, just a lookalike.

- "Joey…"- Mikey whispered- "Are you ok?"

- "Is that the only picture you saw?"- the girl asked with a cold tone in her voice.

- "No"- Gerard murmured and frowned as he noticed the lack of emotion in Joey’s face

- "Can you send me the pictures, please?"- her voice was turning shaky while she made an effort to stay calm.

Joey hated to cry, and overall, she hated to cry in front of people. She hated when people pitied her, and at the moment, it was all she was feeling coming from her friends. Pity.

- "Bug, it is ok to be sad"- Mikey said and held her hand tight.

- "I’m not sad, I’m mad"- her eyes were filled with tears she refused to cry. Her jaws felt tight. She didn’t even want to talk anymore.

- "Hey, we are here- Ray kneeled in front of Joey and tucked away some of her hair that was falling on her face. He kept his brown eyes in hers, locked, trying to read her reaction. He realized how much she was trying to hold back. He knew his friend pretty well, and he could tell how embarrassed she was to share this with everybody. So he whispered:

- "Joey, do you want to be alone for a little while?"- and she quickly nodded, biting the inside of her cheeks.

- "Dude, we can’t leave her alone!"- Gerard immediately said and hit his friend’s arm. But Ray didn’t leave Joey’s eyes, not even for a second, and she did the same.

- "No, she is going to be ok, we are going to leave her alone for a while, and I am going to take her key, is that ok, Joey?"- the girl nodded again- "Ok, so I’ll take your key. I’ll come back in an hour to see if you need anything, ok?"

Joey couldn’t even say a word, so she nodded one last time and looked at Ray stand up.

- "Dude? What the fuck?"- Gerard was in shock, but Mikey understood immediately what Ray was doing.

- "I love you"- the youngest Way whispered and kissed Joey’s cheek. She got even tenser at his touch. She felt she was going to break into tears if anyone else touched her. So she refused to hug anybody.

- "Bug, if you need a drink, I left your favorite whiskey on the table… I’ll stop by later to have a shot with you, ok?"- Frank whispered and cut her a short smile. She nodded and watched them walk away. Gerard didn’t want to move, he took a few steps closer and opened his arms, but Joey quickly moved from him and frowned, like a frightened cat trying to escape from everything and everybody.

- "Gerard, leave her, she is ok"- Ray grabbed Gerard’s arm and pushed him- "I’ll come back in an hour, Bug"- the girl watched them walking to the door, Gerard kept looking back at her, concerned and scared she wasn’t going to be ok on her own.

- "Dude, this is wrong"- he argued the second they closed the door- "We can’t leave her there! It’s not safe!"- and just then, Joey’s yells crying froze the four of them- "Give me the key!"- Gerard argued and tried to take it from Ray’s pocket.

- "No! She needs to be on her own! She needs to cry, and she is never going to cry in front of us!"

- "What the fuck do you know?"- the singer questioned obfuscated.

- "Calm down, Gee. Ray is right"- Mikey said and sighed- "Joey needs to be alone, she ain’t going to kill herself, she just needs to yell and cry, and probably call that mother fucker and break up with him."

- "Yeah, come on"- Frank tapped on Gerard’s back and started walking- "Let’s get a beer, smoke a cigarette, and we can come back in a while. Ray has the key, so we know she won’t lock herself alone."

Gerard hated his friends at that moment. He had to be there for her, hold her, kiss her, console her. What the fuck was he doing with those guys? She needed him. He had to be with her. Why were they doing this?

- "So you don’t care?"- Gerard squabbled, and Mikey simply sighed.

- "You don’t know how she is like…"- and his brother’s words were enough to insult Gerard and shut him up.

Joey was on her knees on the floor, crying. Gasping for air every few seconds and feeling how every tear in her body came out at the same time. There was a void in her chest, right where it used to be her heart. Matthew Gray Gubler broke her heart. He broke her. All the fears she had locked inside ‘cos Matthew made her trust were now out again, and a voice in the back of her head kept telling her, “You knew this was going to happen if you were stupid enough to trust someone.”

But he was so good for her. How could he do that? Was it something she had done? Was it because she wasn’t there? You can’t be stuck with somebody to keep them from cheating. You don’t cheat. If you are not happy, you break up.

Joey felt sick in her stomach and had to rush to the bathroom. She puked crying, she couldn’t stop doing either of them. She kept choking with tears as she vomited. Until it was done. She flushed and stayed there, on the bathroom floor, crying and shaking in sadness. In fear. In disappointment.

What was she going to do? She had to break up with him. She couldn’t marry a cheater, and she wasn’t going to trust him ever again. Two fucking girls at the same time. What if he had done it before and got caught just now? For how long had he been doing that? What if she was seeing other girls regularly?

- "I knew this was going to happen. You don’t date a guy like that and expect him to be faithful…"- the girl whispered to herself, weeping- "He had nothing to do with a girl like me. Take a look at yourself, you dumb slut!"

Joey never said it out loud. She never let herself think about it. She refused to accept the fact she was weak. She had always hated herself. She felt she wasn’t worthy of anything good. All the years in the orphanage had left more than scars on her skin. They were also in her mind. You don’t spend years watching kids leaving with families and don’t convince yourself you are not good enough to be picked, to be happy. And when a family picks you up, you think it’s not you. It’s pity.

Sure, you can cover it up. You can be serious. You can stay away emotionally from people. You can find shelter in music and hide from the world in it. You can kick people’s ass when they hurt you or insult you. You can lie and say you are not “a people person,” whatever that means. But none of that can erase the fact that you feel alone, unwanted. Worthless.

- "I wanna call this mother fucker and fucking yell at him the kind of scumbag he is!!"- Frank said as he lit another cigarette and took a look at his watch- "She has been alone for half an hour, do you think she is ok?"

- "Of course, she is not ok, but she has to handle it. She is a grown woman"- Ray answered and sipped his beer.

- "I can’t believe he did this to her"- Mikey whispered- "She, of all the women I’ve known, doesn’t deserve to be treated like this."

A few tears filled his eyes, and he quickly wiped them off, lighting a cigarette too.

- "I’m gonna kill him, as soon as we get home, I’m gonna kill this mother fucker. I’ve got his fucking address, I’m gonna get there, and fucking break every bone in his body with my own hands"- Mikey was losing his cool. He stood up and walked around the hotel’s terrace, and looked at the city lighten in front of him. Frank stared at his friends and stood up too.

- "I’m with you, but we can’t be like this in front of her."

- "I know"- Mikey scratched his head and smoked in silence for a few seconds- "I’m not doing press tomorrow,"- he announced- "I’m staying with her all day long."

- "You can’t just…"- but Gerard’s words were lost in the air knowing his brother wasn’t asking, he was letting them know what he was doing.

- "Maybe we could take turns"- Frankie thought out loud- "You stay with her in the morning, Ray stays with her after lunch, and so on"- they all nodded. Gerard felt excited there was a chance he was going to get time alone with her.

- "Let’s see if she approves it first"- Ray said, and Mikey smiled for a second. He could picture Joey arguing she was ok, and him simply just staying with her, not taking no for an answer. She was going to be pissed.

- "Can we please check on her?"- Gerard tried to ask, but in real life, it sounded like he was begging- "I’m worried"- Ray sighed and took a look at his clock

- "Thirty more minutes"

- "Why at the hour?"- the eldest Way questioned

- "‘Cos she has to put her shit together before we come back, and she knows we’ll come back in an hour."

Joey walked around her room, holding a glass of whiskey. Her third glass of whiskey. Her phone was in her hand, and her finger was about to push “dial.”

- "You can do this"- she said to herself. She had cleaned her face, wiped off all the tears, combed her hair, and taken a long time calming herself down. More than anything, she didn’t want Matthew to see her cry. She couldn’t show any weakness to him.

She knew she would never be fully ready to do this, but if not now, when? So she dialed.

- "Hey Yami!! How’s the movie? Is it over yet?"- Matthew’s face filled the screen, and Joey needed a few seconds to put herself together again. His face was too much to handle. She still loved him too much to see him after what had just happened. Maybe FaceTime hadn’t been the best idea.

- "You cheated on me"- she managed to say. Matthew’s heart stopped- "It’s all over Twitter!!! You fucking cheated on me, and you just pretended it was all perfect??!"

Gubler sat on his couch and looked at his mom, who was next to him, reading. She slowly stood up and walked to the other room. He kept his eyes on Joey’s face and held his breath. Why did he think he could hide it from her? Now, what was he going to say? Was he going to deny it? Could he?

- "Yami, I..."

- "Don’t fucking Yami me, Matt"- she spit the last word with disdain, ‘cos she knew how much he hated being called that way- "You lied, you cheated, and you ruined everything!"

- "Joey, please, listen to me"- the young man stood up and started walking around the room, not knowing what to do or what to say.

- "What should I listen to? Do you think you can talk your way out of this?"- Matthew brushed his hand on his face and scratched his hair, confused and scared.

- "Joey, listen, I was drunk. It didn’t mean anything."

- "What? So being drunk is the perfect excuse for me to accept the fact your ex-girlfriend’s tongue was down your throat, and with another girl too? What the fuck?!"

- "Joey, it didn’t mean anything! It was a mistake!"

- "A “mistake”? How many “mistakes” have you made ever since I left? Tell me."

- "Please, Joey, listen to me. I was drunk, they started dancing, and they kissed me and…"

- "And you fucking took them home and fucked the two of them at the fucking same time. I can picture that very clear, the same fucking bed you said you wanted me to be in."

- "Joey! No!! That’s not what happened!"

- "Then enlighten me, Matthew. Tell me, what the fuck happened?"

Gubler sighed and bit his lips. He didn’t want to tell her, but he knew he had to. She was going to find out the truth one way or another. Maybe if he came clean with her, she would understand. He loved her. She knew that. It was a mistake, a horrible mistake, but it didn’t mean a thing, anything at all.

- "We were at the party, and you called… we talked, and I decided to go home."

- "Sure"- she interrupted sarcastically.

- "Listen, I wanted to go home ‘cos I missed you, but Mark found me and got me a couple of drinks. I was super drunk already when Ann appeared."

- "So you had invited her?"

- "No! No way! I had no idea she was there!"

- "But you got thrilled to see her."

- "I didn’t care! Joey, please, believe me. I was just drunk and stupid, but it didn’t mean a thing!"

- "You fucked her!!"

- "I didn’t fuck neither of them!"

- "There are pictures!! Pictures of you and her and… you were leaving together"

- "We didn’t fuck! Joey, I swear!!"

- "Sorry, but I can’t believe you! I can’t believe a word that’s coming from your lips!"

- "Joey, Yami, baby, love… I swear, I didn’t fuck with them"

- "Then what happened?"

Joey was severe and cold. She had managed not to cry so far, and that made her feel proud. She was devastated and nearly suicidal inside, but she wasn’t going to give Matthew the pleasure of seeing her destroyed because of him. Not that day.

- "Joey… nothing happened."

- "Matthew, if you are going to lie, and I discover that you did…"

- "Ann took me to the back room and decided she wanted to give me a birthday present, so she..." - Joey closed her eyes and threw the phone to the bed.

- "Hijo de la gran puta!! (son of a bitch!!)"- she managed to yell, losing it for a second.

- "It was just a blowjob. Nothing else happened, I swear, Joey! and I stopped her!"- Matthew broke in tears as Joey walked around the room, poured herself another whiskey, and looked at the phone still on her bed.

- "Just a blowjob??! Just a blowjob, Matthew?? Do you fucking believe that shit??"

- "Joey, it meant nothing!!! I didn’t want to do it!!"

- "Bullshit!!"- Joey grabbed the phone again and cut him a look so full of hate Matthew knew he was losing her second by second.

- "Yami, please, I hate myself too, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to undo this!! I was too drunk! I thought it was you, and when I saw her, I stopped it"- Joey scoffed and bit her lips to stop the tears- "I regret everything that happened, it was stupid, and it meant nothing, I fucking love you, Joey, you are my bride! you are my love and my whole life!"

- "No"- she quickly replied.

- "Joey, please."

- "No, Matthew. I am not your bride, and I am not your life, not anymore. I am merely the girl you fucking broke and lied to."

- "Please, please try to understand, it wasn’t me, it was a mistake! I didn’t mean it!!"

- "But it happened, Matthew, and that’s it. You can’t undo it."

- "Please, please! you have to forgive me."

- "Why should I forgive you, Matthew? ‘Cos I love you? Is that enough?"- the girl stopped talking, ‘cos her eyes were filled with tears, and she was still making her best not to cry in front of him. But it was getting too hard. Nearly impossible.

- "Joey, please don’t leave me"- the boy begged, his voice as a whisper at the other side of the line. He was crying like a baby, sobbing and walking around his house, not knowing what to do- "Yami, I need you"- every word that came from his lips cracked each of her already shattered heart into another tiny piece.

- "You should have thought of that before, shouldn’t you?"- the girl answered coldly- "You know how much it took me to trust you, Matthew, how much it took me to give you my heart, to you, for the very fucking first time in my life."

- "Please, please… give me another chance…"- he was sobbing, and Joey couldn’t hold it anymore. She broke into tears in front of him as well.

He looked at her, still thinking there was a chance she could forgive him. He didn’t mean to hurt her. It was a mistake. He loved her. She knew it. What did he have to do to change her mind? To keep her by his side.

- "No"- Joey answered, whimpering- "There are no second chances, Matthew."

- "Please, Joey, I am so so so sorry!"

- "Being sorry doesn’t fix anything."

- "I love you"

- "You didn’t care about that when she sucked your dick, did you?"- Joey managed to say, drying the tears from her eyes- "You just fucking enjoyed it, and fucked with my feelings, ‘cos I wasn’t supposed to know."

- "I love you so much"

- "So what?"- she simply answered- "So I should forgive you ‘cos you love me?"

- "I’d do anything for you."

- "You should have started by not cheating."

Joey took a deep breath and looked at Gubler sobbing at the other side of the line, desperate, honestly desperate

- "Bye, Matthew."

- "No, Joey! Wait! Don’t!"

But that was all Joey could handle. She threw the phone back to her bed and fell on the floor, crying her eyes out again. It was too much for her; she wasn’t going to make this alive. Joey loved him so much, but Matthew had damaged her to the edge of sanity. She was proud she had managed the situation mostly cold-headed. She wanted him. She wanted to forgive him so badly. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t going to believe him ever again.

- "Bug?"- Ray opened the door and found her lying on the bed. Mikey ran to her and held her. She wasn’t crying anymore. She looked in shock. He almost broke into tears next to her, not knowing what to do. She merely blinked. She wasn’t talking. She just laid there, curl up, almost lifeless. Barely alive.

Mikey hugged her tight, lying next to her, trying to keep her warm, ‘cos she kept shaking. Frank wiped off the tears from his eyes as he turned around and poured himself a whiskey.

Gerard looked at the scene from a safe distance while Ray tried to talk to Joey, and Frank started drinking, trying not to show how insanely angry he was. Gerard felt like shit. He didn’t think it would affect him so much. But suddenly, he was feeling guilty. Honestly and deeply guilty. He was the one who found out. He was the one who was eager to tell her. He was the one who told her. And an hour ago, he was excited about it, ‘cos it meant she wasn’t going to be with Matthew anymore. But he was so selfish he never stopped himself from thinking what was going to happen to her. How it was going to affect her. And Gerard felt now like a monster.

- "I’m ok kids"- Joey whispered and cut Ray a slight smile- "I’m just tired."

- "Do you want something to eat?"- he asked, but she shook her head- "I’m gonna leave these chocolates here, ok?"

- "Thank you…"- Mikey kissed the top of her head and snuggled her closer. Her phone kept ringing on the floor. Frank quickly grabbed it. It already had five missing calls from Matthew.

- "This mother fucker is gonna…"

- "Please don’t"- but Joey’s words were useless, Frank picked up, ignoring her.

- "Joey!"- Gubler yelled at the other side of the line.

- "Don’t you fucking dare calling her again!!"- Frank yelled with hate- "You are not getting close to her. You are not talking to her. You are dead! Heard me? You are dead to her, and if you fucking get close to her, I am gonna fucking kill you, heard me? I’m gonna kill you!!"

Frank didn’t even let him reply. He hung down and turned off the phone.

- "Why did you do that?"- Joey whispered and took a deep breath.

- "I’m not gonna let that guy hurt you again"- Frank murmured as he kneeled by the bed and kissed her temple sweetly- "Never, I’m not gonna let him make you cry or break your heart again, ok?"

Frank’s words were so full of honesty and emotion, even his voice shook. Tears fell from his eyes, and Joey stared at him in shock. He cared that much for her. It was shocking to realize how much they all cared for her.

- "Thank you, Frank"- he smiled

- "Hey, whatever you need"- he smiled shyly- "Now make room"- the girl and Mikey moved, as Frank crawled on the bed next to her. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head as Mikey laid at the other side of her, still cuddling her.

Gerard stared at the scene and wondered how they could just do that, it was what he wanted to do, but he could not move from where he was standing.

- "Wanna watch a movie?"- Ray grabbed the remote control- "Let’s see what we can find"- he knew Pride and Prejudice wasn’t right for the moment, so he tried to find the most random movie he could in pay per view. Die Hard was the chosen one. He and Gerard laid on the bed with the others and didn’t say another word. The girl wanted to be alone, but she knew they weren’t going to let her. It felt good in a way, knowing they cared about her and wanted to be with her at that dark moment.

Matthew was crying, sitting on his bed. He didn’t seem to be able to stop the tears from falling. He held the phone and dialed over and over again. It was off. The wedding was off. His whole life was off at that point. He had made the biggest mistake, and now he knew he couldn’t fix it. But he had to. He wanted to.

- "Yami, please, I’m so sorry"- he talked with her voicemail- "I need you to forgive me, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want to, it was a mistake"- the call ended, he dialed again- "Yami, I can’t live without you, I can’t, I swear, please, I’m so sorry, I’d do anything you want, anything, but please, please"- the call ended, he dialed again- "Please… Joey, I love you so much, I need you so much, I..."

- "Honey"- his mother whispered as she walked into his room and found him weeping on the phone.

- "She left me, mom"- he whispered and felt her arms around him- "She broke up with me"- he couldn’t say another word ‘cos the tears, and the sobbing didn’t let him talk. His mother kissed his temple and hugged him tightly.

- "You are gonna fix this, baby. It’s gonna be ok."

- "How?"- he managed to murmur.

- "She loves you so much, she is going to forgive you. I know she will."

- "I hurt her mom. She doesn’t deserve this... I don’t deserve her… she is an angel, and I ruined it"- Matthew couldn’t say another word. He just hid his head on his mother’s neck and cried.

Taglist

@all-tings-diego @worryd0ll

#Gerard Way #Matthew gray gubler #mgg angst #mikey way #frank iero #ray toro #mcr #mgg #babymetaldoll writes

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