#is hilariousness a real word idek

[samaspic31]

I talk a lot of shit about the sequel trilogy, but I can never deny the hilariousness of the kylux dynamic. Gay fascist losers who suck very bad and fail constantly

[adventuringblind]

Viva Las Vegas

Landoscar x Reader

Genre: Fluff? Crack? Idek...

Summary: Two boys can't get a hint, and the female in the middle is just waiting for them to make a move. Preferably with her ending up between them.

Warnings: spicy, kind of panic attack? Allusions to sex, alcohol consumption, mentions of Lando's crash, and him being on pain meds.

Notes: Reminder that my requests are open for the 1000 follower celebration! Also, a certain someone put this idea in my head so now you all have to suffer.

Masterlist

Being the baby of the paddock really hadn't been that bad. A year younger than Arthur and having to put off with Charles was never on her top list of things she wanted to do, but she managed. Followed him around races like a lost puppy.

She was a perfect angel. Kind of. Not really, but she put on a good face when in public. Charles' perfect baby sister.

Lando Norris got to see a whole other side of her. The side that the cameras and public don't see.

The side that takes risks and tests the limits. The one nobody else has managed to pull out of her. The one Lando seems to make being so incredibly easy.

Charles adores the two of them. Lando would never hurt her. He may be impulsive, but he's loyal to a fault.

A couple of years later Is when Oscar comes along. Lando's new teammate. It's awkward for exactly two months into their work together.

Lando didn't like what happened to Daniel. He was still upset about it when word got out that Oscar had signed. It didn't feel real at the end of the year.

Then something shifted. Maybe it was the shared frustration of such a horrible start to the season? She may never know. But one thing is certain and it's that they like each other.

Oscar likes Lando. Lando likes Oscar. They both like her, and she loves them right back.

Yet she could not, for the life of her, forgire out why neither of them is saying anything about it. One can really only handle so much sexual tension before they explode. The sweet moments between the three of them. The fact she has attempted to get the both riled up with nothing to show for it except what Lando does to her later and Oscar's stupid smug face just playing alone with sarcastic jokes.

They are going to be the death of her. The two of them are attached at the hip, and she's excitedly making popcorn thinking it's going to turn into a romantic comedy. It doesn't, and she would like whoever is directing the movie to hurry the story along.

Both her and Lando are getting under his skin, and it's evident in every interaction they have. She takes it upon herself to invite Oscar everywhere with them.

They are happy all together. If they would just stop being so oblivious it would be perfect.

Then Vegas happens. The place where memories are made and forgotten. Lost in the music, lights, and alcohol.

The car isn't the best here. Both boys are frustrated. Lando crashes, and Oscar manages, but it's written on his face that he's disappointed with himself.

She goes to Lando at the hospital. Then, when he's released and thoroughly medicated, they head back to the paddock.

He's hilarious. Lando and his already unfiltered mouth are just saying everything. Including every feeling he has ever had for both her and Oscar. It started fine and then escalated Shortley after to the point where Jon had to promise he wouldn't ever mention it.

Oscar runs through media duties with an unholy speed. He looks relieved when he finds the two waiting around by his door because Lando didn't want to go to his own.

"I'm sorry it's been a lame birthday weekend." Sighs the Aussie who has collapsed onto the sofa.

"Well- it doesn't have to be."

Should the two not on any kind of medication used their clear judgment? Probably, but who are they to deny Lando?

They did decide on keeping it chill and just to go out for an hour or two after Lando at least napped off some of the meds. Neither of the sober minds had any intention of mixing alcohol with whatever Lando was on.

The Brit looked so excited to be out with them. He openly expressed he didn't need anybody else because his two favorite people were already with him. Oscar replied with a smile. She's going to have to force them to kiss at this rate.

Somewhere between three drinks in and Lando sipping on something not strong came blurred confessions. Whatever Lando had told Oscar he was drinking definitely was stronger than he'd made it out to be.

Her boyfriend keeps throwing her mischievous looks and suggestive eyebrow raises. What kind of game is he playing at? She would love if he let her in on it.

But alas, Lando does not, and she is left to her drink and her mind as she watches the two refuse to do anything about the tension they are creating. It's getting far too much for her. She either needs Lando to make a move on Oscar or to come help her because her imagination is going to places.

Somebody does kiss her, but it's not Lando. She would be concerned if Oscar hadn't just moved closer to her.

Everything goes fuzzy after that.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning is met with ridiculous hangovers and a cramped position on the couch.

The couch? How on earth did she end up here? More importantly, why is Oscar using her like a blanket and Lando a starfish on the floor?

Her breath quickens. Something must have happened for them to end up here. She pulls herself up and almost passes out in the process. She would like to - no - needs to remember what happened. She finds her phone laying on the counter and opens it.

Her hand hits the counter and there it the sound of metal hitting granite. She shakily moves her hands into view.

Of all the stupid and impulsive things, she could've done, it had to be getting married in Vegas and being too drunk to remember it. Looks like George, Alex, and Lily were there, the three people who really should've stopped her.

But it's not that realization that makes her finally curl up on the ground, It's the name on the certificate.

Oscar Piastri.

She can hear both boys starting to stir and wake themselves up. The light hitting their faces drawing them back to the land of the living. Into what has become her nightmare.

She ducks behind the counter.

"What happened last night? My head is killing me and- why are you on the floor?"

"Well, we all started on the couch and then I needed water, couldn't find my spot again so I just stayed on the floor."

There is a pause. "What do you mean 'we all'?"

"The three of us? You know, it's bad not to sleep together on the night of your wedding."

There is a string of mumbled words from Oscar that she can't make out. "Seeing as I married your girlfriend, you seem way too happy about this."

"Mate, you were literally trying to fuck both of us last night and then went on this rant about-"

"Okay! I get it! No need to embarrass me more."

Lando is laughing hysterically. "I was wondering if you were ever going to do it. I was getting worried about your wife having a stroke if we didn't do something about this. She talks in her sleep you know."

She squeaks and then covers her mouth. She curls further into her hiding place, but it's no use. They boys find her and join her on the floor.

"You been awake long, love?" How can Lando be so gentle at a time like this? Like she hadn't just betrayed him! She stares in disbelief and then shakes her head no.

It looks like Lando is about to say something else when there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens it to Charles and Max. The former of which is yelling in French.

"Looks like you guys also had a rough night." Lando is keeling over laughing which inevitably puts him back on the floor.

"What do you mean?" Max is standing there looking completely sober.

Lando is in tears at this point, and nobody understands what he's laughing at. "The matching rings, mate? Do you not remember getting hitched right after your sister?"

There is a set of identical screams followed by more frantic French.

"Speaking of that..." Max turns his attention to the little Leclerc and Oscar. "... You going to explain this one Lando? I remember this still."

Lando then blushes, and it looks like he considers running. "So listen - I may have talked you two into getting married." There is this innocent smile on his face that makes her jaw drop.

"This was you?! I'm panicking for nothing?!" She trails with French mumbling, and Charles joins in with her.

They look through pictures for a while and get water into their systems before Max and Charles go to leave.

"So, are you two going to get a divorce?" Oscar looks at Charles and Max who shrug.

"Maybe, but who knows? Maybe it'll come in handy some day."

"I knew you guys were fucking! Lando you own me now."

"How did you know?!"

"Little sisters know all, dear brother."

When it's just the three, a tense silence false between them. "So, what now?" She finally breaks. No longer able to handle the staring.

"We get a lawyer?"

"Or, hear me out, we keep it. We can always do that later!"

It's true, really. This a backward way of confessing, but it's not like they don't want to be together.

"Then Lando needs a ring also!" They laugh.

The Brit gets a hold of the certificate and finds a marker to write his name on it. "I fixed it."

Then he looks at the other two. Bright smiles on all of there faces.

"Shall we consummate the marage?"

[stevengrant-my-beloved]

(he love me) he give me all this money I Part 1 [18+]

Series Masterlist

summary: A brief interaction with a catfish on a sugar daddy website leads to something quite unexpected and suddenly you're on the radar of genius tech billionaire Nathan Bateman, and honestly, you don't mind the attention.

chapter warnings: just a whole bunch of swearing honestly, catfishing (?), mentions of substance use (alcohol)

a/n: okay so, i've been listening to qveen herby's sugar daddy A LOT lately and if u couldn't tell from the title, that song basically inspired this fic. i really hope y'all like it 'cause honestly idek what this is, i just pumped out 2k words while running on zero sleep , so.. let me know what u think

also just a note about the texts in this fic

> Texts like these are from Nathan. [bold and italicized]

> texts like these are from you [italicized]

Here's the thing about getting (responsibly) piss drunk with a group of friends who are all enablers and won't ever discourage you from doing stupid things on a whim, as much as it sounds like an epically bad idea, sometimes (read: very rarely) it yields positive results.

Like that one time, fueled by copious amounts of liquid courage and the encouragement of your drunk friends, drunk you had sent that presentation you'd drafted to your then crush (who might have also been an coworker at the time), basically to try and convince him that you would be a good partner, and you'd ended up getting a really adorable email back saying that he was also interested and definitely would love to go on a date sometime.

That relationship had lasted a solid 6 months (which was really great considering your track record), and it had been good run, ended amicably even. You and your now ex co-worker were still on good terms, so yeah, all in all, a positive experience.

Then there was that one time you and your friends had gotten drunk and, for some goddamn reason, had gathered all the unsolicited dick pics you'd received over the years (because again, for some goddamn reason, you still had them in your DMs) and filmed your reactions to each and every dick pic (without revealing the senders, of course), commenting on the quality of the images (lighting, angles, etc.) while also rating each dick. Sober you had then used that footage, edited it to perfection, included digital renderings of said dick pics to add to the video (because as NSFW as your channel could get, you didn't need to put actual dicks in your videos) and uploaded it to your channel.

Currently, it was your most popular video, and the one that had quite literally made you famous overnight. A bunch of commentary and reaction channels were suddenly talking about you, and you'd even gotten messages from a lot of creators you looked up to, commending you on your hilarious content and hoping to see more.

Okay so, it really was just those two instances where you'd gotten something good out of heavily drinking.

That would change soon, though, because your next drunken adventure with your friends would change your life in ways you would have never imagined (in the best way possible).

---

"I can't believe I let you assholes talk me into this-" you groan as you scroll through the dozens of messages you'd received over the past few hours on your freshly created dating profile.

"Hey, this was your idea babe, we were just being loving and supportive-"

"By encouraging me to sign up on secret benefits dot com?" you ask, glaring at your friend over the rim of your coffee mug.

For context, you'd just woken up with a killer headache (as you do every weekend, because you and your friends have zero control and always, always get drunk off your asses on the weekend) to your phone absolutely blowing up on your nightstand from notification after notification, alerting you of a new 'Daddy' that wanted to get to know you better.

Apparently drunk you had thought it would be a real fun idea to sign up to become a sugar baby, and your equally drunk friends had agreed (because of course they did).

You had begrudgingly opened some of the messages that you'd received, and most of them were pretty tame, surprisingly.

"Yeah, I'm deleting this," you mumble, clicking through the page to find the deactivation option, not before taking a few minutes to admire your own profile (drunk you had a made successful attempt at creating an enticing profile for a sugar baby, it seems).

Once you get your fill of your own pictures, you head to the deactivation page, only to be greeted with a little pop up message that says-

"Oh, what the fuck, I have to keep my profile up for a whole week?" you yell.

Your friends all groan out some variation of "keep your fucking voice down" from various parts of your bedroom, and you turn to the one friend who somehow wasn't hungover at all despite how much you all had to drink the night before.

"It says I can only delete my profile after 7 days," you say, holding up your phone so your friend could see.

"Can't you just delete the app off of your phone?"

"I could...but ugh, I don't just want my pictures up on some app like this- I need to delete my account."

"So just wait out the 7 day period, maybe chat it up with some rich men and see if they'll give you their money, I don't know," your friend shrugs, before turning back to their phone.

Huh.

"Yeah, fuck it," you mumble, going back to scrolling through the messages on SecretBenefits, looking at the profiles of all the older men you'd matched with.

Maybe this would make a fun video...

---

It takes you an hour to set everything up, but eventually you're ready to film what's sure to be your next best video "Trying to Find a Sugar Daddy (Not Clickbait)".

"Hello everyone, I hope you're all having a great day," you say, waving at the camera. "Welcome back to my channel, this of course is another episode of Girls Just Wanna Have Funds, Specifically This Girl, This Girl Needs Money and She Needs It Now."

You laugh at your own stupid intro, before continuing. "So, the other day, my friends and I got together for drinks, and yeah I'm sure you can guess where this is going, we got drunk, and I ended up creating a profile on SecretBenefits, and I'm stuck with it for the next 7 days, so here we are," you chuckle as you hold up your phone, checking to see if the screen recording was still working.

"I'm not really trying to find a sugar daddy, this is purely for entertainment," you say before leaning close and whispering, "but if some rich zaddy wants to send me some money I wouldn't be opposed, ya know? Alright, so drunk me apparently already swiped on a bunch of potential sugar daddies, but I think we can do better so I'm going to try and get more matches. Obviously we're going to censor everyone's faces just in case anyone's actual father is on this app and you're watching, like, I really don't want to be involved in any family drama like that."

You set out to swipe on interesting looking profiles, commenting on just how big of a range of potential daddies this app had to offer.

"Okay, so that's not just an older man, that's literally a grandad, nope- wait, this guy included a picture of himself at his own wedding, oh my fucking god- 'looking for something discreet' he says- my guy maybe don't post your wedding pictures for anyone to find? Like I could easily track down this man's wife and snitch on him. Wait should I do that?" you ask, looking at the camera. "Comment down below if I should snitch on Matthew, 52."

You continue swiping through more profiles, occasionally snorting at the few messages that popped up from different matches.

"Okay, Dave wants to know if we've been on any other sites looking for an SD... SD? Sugar daddy? They have codes now?" you laugh incredulously. "I'm going to say...'no I haven't'."

Just as you're about to call it a day on swiping and focus on the matches you'd gotten so far, your eyes zero in on the next profile that shows up, and-

"There is no fucking way Nathan Bateman is on this app, this has to be a catfish situation right? Right?"

You look up at the camera. "I'm going to swipe right. It's probably, most definitely, not him, but if it is..." you trail off, looking off to the side with your eyebrows raised high.

It's a match!

Funnily enough, you'd actually made a video on Nathan Bateman, CEO and Founder of BlueBook. The video itself had been a Top 10 style video, where you'd rated various billionaires based on their looks and wealth, while also ranking them based on how willing you'd be to ignore their massive ego and wealth to be able to fuck them. Other notable figures on the list had been Tony Stark, Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor (who'd ranked dead last) to name a few.

You phone pings with a new message from 'Nathan Bateman'.

NB: Hey.

hii :) quick question are you really the Nathan Bateman ??

NB: Yes, I am.

NB: Any matches?

"Imposter Bateman is asking me if I've got any other matches." You wink at the camera with a cheeky smile before typing out-

nope, just you :))

NB: I'll send u money if u send me a picture. Topless.

"Oh wow, he's getting right into it," you scoff at the camera. "No seriously, how stupid does this person think people are, because this sure as hell isn't Bateman 'cause the only pictures he has are like ones you could find online, like they're all paparazzi shots from before he moved to his private island or wherever the hell he fucked off to, and the few selfies I see here look edited so..."

You tap your chin a couple of times, before snapping your fingers

"I'm actually looking to be a sugar baby, without the sugar," you say out loud as you type out your response to Imposter Bateman, before tapping on another message thread.

"James just texted 'you look delicious', bye- okay, he looks kinda cute though, hm."

Just as you're about to type a reply, you get a notification from Imposter Bateman, and it has you gasping.

"Oh- oh my god, he just- I just got absolutely lambasted."

Imposter Bateman had replied to your earlier message about wanting to be a sugar baby without the sugar by saying-

NB: You just want my money

NB: You're not even that hot

You're still wheezing from laughing so hard when you look at your phone again to see that Imposter Bateman had deleted the conversation and blocked you.

"You guys see this?" you ask, holding your phone to the camera, even though you know you're going to be including the screen recording in post.

"Nathan Bateman, I don't know if you'll ever see this but, ouch dude. That was so harsh, you just told me I'm not hot," you pout at the camera, faking incredible sadness before laughing out loud again.

"Also, 'you just want my money'? Uh, yeah, that's what every sugar baby is here for, the app is literally called secret benefits? The benefit for me being money?" you say, shaking your head.

You go through more messages from other sugar daddies (15 to be exact), reading out their texts and formulating responses while talking to your camera, making sure to include as many funny quips you can think of before filming your outro.

"Alright guys, that's it for this video. I hope y'all have a great day and Daddy Bateman if you're watching, make up for my heartbreak by sending me eighteen hundred dollars?" you plead at the camera. "Please?"

---

The seven day wait period goes by pretty quickly, and once you deactivate your SecretBenefits account, you upload your final edited video, which had been sitting unpublished on your account for the past five days. It was short, only 10 minutes long, and it hadn't taken you a lot of time to edit, but you'd decided to post it after you'd taken down the account because the last thing you needed was for your fans to sign up for the app and try and find your profile.

The response to your video was amazing, but you expected nothing less from your loyal subscribers.

What you didn't expect though, was for them to take to Twitter and flood Bateman's mentions, asking him how he could possibly think you weren't hot. They even managed to get the hashtags #imposterbateman and #daddybateman on the trending page for a day.

And you certainly didn't expect to hear from the man himself, because the very next day, you get an Instagram notification saying @thenathanbateman_official is following you, followed by a text notification that read-

> Send me your IBAN

You blink at your phone for a few seconds before typing up a reply.

> ??

> well hello to you too mr. bateman

> Yeah hi, I need your IBAN

> can't you just hack into my shit and find out?

> why're u asking

> I can, but I thought I'd be polite and ask first.

Just as you're about to reply, you get a notification from your mobile banking app, which almost makes you chuck your phone at the wall.

You've received $1800.00 from Nathan Bateman

What the fuck?

> u watched my video???

> Videos. Saw the one where you ranked me too.

> no way- fr ?? 😭

> Fr.

> wow ummmm i hope u liked them ?? idk what to say

> Your videos are pretty funny . Liked the dick pic one.

> everyone likes that one yea

A few moments pass, and you think maybe that will be the end of that. You move to put your phone back down, but it pings with a new notification.

> Imposter Bateman was fucking blind.

> You're really hot.

welp, lemme know what y'all think-

[ilickedanenvelopeandilikedit]

that’s equal parts hilarious and concerning. my story is incredibly similar to yours, which is weird.

To preface, i don’t get crushes very often, this guy was my first actual crush in like 5-6 years and idek why. So last day of school last year, i had my pe final, but since the seniors were practicing for graduation on the fields, we had a bit of a pool party. long story short I see him at the pool party, and it’s an instant crush.

Over the summer he is constantly on my mind, it’s a whole thing. And when the school year started, last trimester, he was in my math class, and we never really interacted, mainly because i get real awkward around people i like, but i kept finding him like, staring at me, so i thought he liked me too.

after that, this trimester he is in my english class, with one of his friends who i don’t like all that much. another long story short, he starts picking on me and my friends in the class, throwing stuff at us, ragging on everything we say, and being an all around asshole. i really don’t know why, because we’ve exchanged a total of 15 words, and i’m the quiet type when i’m around lots of people. but yeah, needless to say, my crush on him kinda evaporated :)

girl we got the same kind of guy 😭

he sounds like an asshole tho, congrats for not crushing on him anymore 💪💪💪

[ess-presso]

actually fuck tumblr fr cant believe they deleted my ask smh.

fear not im back :)

fic rec for u! it was only a kiss! by remuslives23 (wolfstar, they drink some firewhiskey and accidentally kiss. v cute)

miss taylor: the last great american dynasty, state of grace, & wonderland <3

i'll reanswer ur qs from last time:

ive got no allergies! that i know of at least. im safe for now. i truly fear the day i find out im suddenly allergic to a food i love (can that even happen?? i hope not)

i totally believe in fate, i think everything kinda happens for a reason and everyone meets people for a reason. if its meant to be itll be, and if its not meant to be then its just not meant to be. some things (most things) are out of our control so whats the point in trying to control what happens to us and who we meet. i say we go with the flow (i say this as the most anxious person on the planet who cant handle change or unfamiliarity)

i accidentally messed up a good friendship a few years ago, basically i wasnt there for someone when they needed me (to be fair we were both going thru it so i didnt even realize) but theyre happier now and so am i so all is well.

i wake up bright and early (its almost noon) i gracefully get out of bed (i drag myself out of bed) i make myself a hearty nutritious meal (i make coffee and some toast if its a good day) i get ready for class (i change into sweatpants and brush my teeth) i head to campus (my class is online. i stay in bed for the rest of the day)

fav superhero forever spiderman & daredevil. and thor cause hes a dumbass and funny but PETER PARKER & MATT MURDOCK MY LOVES!!!

id switch lives with someone crazy wealthy like elon musk or jeff bezos so i can drain their bank accounts and donate to people in need and solve world hunger <3 or maybe timothee chalamet cause id love to know what goes on in his mind hes so funny sometimes.

i wish i had written just lovers by zar bc that fic will forever be my favourite thing ever. its just so damn good and to be the author of it would be truly an honour.

i wish i had written maybe the iliad & odyssey cause 1. theyre freaking epic & 2. homer mightve not been a real person so if i was homer i would be an mysterious enigma.

ive never been in love actually, despite being a hopeless romantic. ive liked people but it never got further than that so ig im just waiting for the right person to come along !

im so loud as a drunk. i WILL sing along to anything playing and i WILL dance horribly. im also giggly cause everything becomes hilarious to me. i do sometimes get confrontational too but thats only if i drink white rum, for some reason.

our worst fight can hardly be considered a fight cause its so dumb but she had called me to ask if id be there for her bday party, i said i might not be able to cause i had 4 papers due the weekend of her party and then she got really upset cause she wanted me there and then i got upset cause i wanted to be there really bad but i was overwhelmed with school and exams and we kinda just sobbed at each other for like 10 mins before we hung up. she called me back a few mins later and we both apologized for being stupid and then i told her id get my papers done so i could go which solved our problem. luckily i did get my papers done in time and i made it🎉 i think i wrote almost 10,000 words in the span of 2 days it was torture truly.

prob last time i saw liv which was in january :( damn her for going to a diff city for uni fr. but we walked in circles around this lake for a few hours and chatted shit about the bitchy people we went to high school with & it was lovely.

jegulily i think yes! james has two hands. i havent read any of them yet but if i find a good fic i plan on it. plus i think their dynamic has good potential & i love each of the individual characters so very much so.

10 things i hate about you!!!!!! other favs include: mamma mia, enchanted, 13 going on 30, and princess diaries. tbh i dont watch a lot of romcoms so idek if these technically count as romcoms but whatever i love them so.

IT!!!!!!!!!!!! i was fucking obsessed with that movie in 2017 i made it my entire personality.

qs for u!

piercings vs tattoos?

fav superhero?

fav fic of all time?

what would your animagus form be?

what's your literary archetype? (fun lil quiz, i got ruler )

what are you like while drunk?

is it better to speak or to die?

preferred method of annotating books? (ie. do u add random commentary or do u add insightful analysis)

when listening to music, are u more of a lyrics person or a sound person?

thats all for now! praying tumblr doesnt fuck this one up too🙏

-bee :)

beeeeeeee :))))))

girl u gonna have to forgive me for this but I woke up and Tumblr was like 'u didn't save this draft would u like to restore it' and I was like 'YES MOTHERFUCKER' and it was ur other ask but I will answer these Taylor songs here !!!! and I got a free extra fic rec , so I'll give u 2 in the other ask .

(feeling sorry for ur poor old fingers u soldier)

tay tay -

the last great American dynasty - MARY MACDONALD - that song speaks of love and loss to me and damn it if it isn't Mary macdonald at the end of her life all alone and everything. I mean can u not just see her 'pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea'?

state of grace - JEGULUS - that entire song is basically regulus thinking about their love and how it was so unexpected 'I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same' (also James tearing reg's armour down ????)

wonderland - JILY / DRARRY - now hear me out , I think that the chorus bit where it's all 'didn't they tell us' and everything is a split convo between lily and James where she's all sad and depressed and mad and James is just there for her trying to convince her that it'll all be okay and they're fine. now , dreary , because I think 'didn't you flash your green eyes at me / didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile' is such a Draco thing to say about harry. like he would be so so worried and harry would just have this complete confidence that everything would be a-ok.

[rustyskateblade]

i like larionov jr. he seems like a cool dude but idk if his stats are good enough for the nhl, my best guess would be a few more seasons khl based on nepotism and then going into the influencer field

hi! i was joking around but thanks! your energy is fuckin wild!

[tfatwsiguess]

Everything Wrong with Rogers: The Musical

So many things wrong with the Rogers musical in Hawkeye that I’m obsessing over 🤕 Welcome to my review where I get all the thoughts spinning in my head out of my brain and into yours 🙃

I haven’t been able to get over the brilliance of the entire musical scene in episode 1. This is in no way a hate list, it’s just stuff that makes me laugh throughout the entire scene. If anything it’s more of a compliments on the details the show puts into having a completely ignorant, concerning, and borderline offensive musical show placed at the top of Barton and his family’s first appearance in the series.

These quotes…

- “Black Widow’s a knockout who can knock you out” Nuff said.

- “Tony you’ve got nukes to catch, be careful not to crash” idek the best way to complain about this line

+ “The city’s smashed when you take your bow. We’ll blame you then, but you’re good for now.” The ONLY good line in this whole thing

The amount of cheesy references that no one but the Avengers would probably know about was a clever addition:

“We’ll conquer the Chitauri then get schawarma when we’re done”

“Just how are we to fight them?” “We’ll do it as a team.”

“Hulk you know the magic word is” “SMASH SMASH SMASH.”

Double pointer for this one: “Avengers unite ‘cause we’ve got to hear you say, I can do this all day” The irony. The forcedness. They really thought they did something leading up to that line 😂 👏🏽

- Something about that “I can do this all day” climax of the song strikes me as the part everyone gets annoyed at when you sing it in school. Like the MCU version of back when Let it Go came out and people were tired of hearing it everywhere 😂

- Please take the time to go back and literally just watch all the choreography and nothing else, it’s hilarious. You’ll thank me later.

On to the real critiques

- HOW WAS THIS A BROADWAY SHOW. I’ve never seen a more middle-school-theatre looking production. Everything about that number was so elementary and basic. The music, the lyrics and message of the song, costumes, choreography. *And let’s be clear, I appreciate Marvel for so clearly wanting this to be intentional, they executed it damn well.

Costumes

- Steve is literally wearing a CA t-shirt I could buy at Target and SWEATPANTS

- Same thing with Iron Man wearing a t-shirt with his “heart” on it instead something theatrical like a prop or costume ornamentation

- Black Widow is wearing a black jacket and black jeans over a red shirt. Ig that and the hairstyle was good enough for them lol

- Hulk, is in a green hoody.

- Not sure why Hawkeye is wearing just a tank top but I guess the nod of it being purple is nice?

- They got the basics of Thor down okay but in addition to being a Greek god from another planet, he is royalty and it’s reflected in the armor he wears all the time. The pulled shirt and red vest/cape look more like lounge pajamas lmao

- We don’t even know why Ant-Man is here but why is he played by a kid in comparison to everyone else, and why is he wearing his goggles over a backwards cap? (Also I’m starting to recognize him I think he was Romeo from Newsies on actual Broadway LMAO imagine going from that to this fake production)

- UUUMMM BACKTRACKING TO HULK I THINK ITS A BLACK MAN UNDERNEATH ALL THAT GREEN PAINT LMAO THEY REALLY STUCK TO THE STEREOTYPE WITH THAT ONE

- Why is everyone in the ensemble a police officer or a doctor or construction worker or cab driver, etc? Are there no normal dressed street people in this version of NY? At least throw a businessman or a homeless person in there idk

- Between the lyrics and costuming and the cardboard Chitauri ship zooming by there’s so much blatant lack of creativity 😂 But seriously, what was the budget for this musical ‘cause they could’ve thrown in a costume piece for Tony’s heart or an actual one piece suit for Widow or fake muscles for Hulk. Issa lotta street clothes for a Broadway show

+ Enough about costuming. The set is actually pretty good. It’s a good set up of an overpass for levels and the stairs on the sides are an efficient way of getting around that also looks like real architecture modeling. And the layer of set buildings and backdrops in the back actually portray a NY street point of view pretty well. Plus the damage on the buildings, a section under construction off to the right, lampposts, awnings and concrete, details like that

- I’m watching the rest of it now annnd I stand by what I said above about a good set but I’m seeing there arent actually any stairs that lead to anywhere, there’s just a ladder and a fireman’s pole allowing them to travel from up and downstage WHAT 🤦🏽‍♀️ 😂

- I guess I should also mention the weirdness of Loki and some Chitauri singing and dancing with the ensemble. I don’t think I even need to explain there

- I’m confused about how that song fits into the show. The sign starts out as the ensemble calling to The Avengers for help, then turns into a recap of who everyone is and what they do… Who is the song for??? The audience who already knows who The Avengers are?

- And where does this song go? Putting it at the beginning would spoil everything, the end wouldn’t make sense to recap the most basic thing everyone knows about The Avengers. And even in the middle of a Chitauri attack scene makes no sense. There’s no plot being conveyed and the show creators really wanted us to see that ig lol

- WHY IS IT CALLED ROGERS THE MUSCIAL?! 😂 I was expecting it to be about Captain America but they’re singing about everyone at the 2012 fight and then adding more Avengers that weren’t even there??? Steve doesn’t even have the solo for half of the song! Maybe they just added Ant-Man for the sake of making it 7 people so Steve could be dead center in the superhero pose lmao

The biggest question is: how did Clint’s family end up there??? I can’t imagine any of his kids, Laura, or Clint actively suggesting to see that musical given what it’s about alone (whatever it’s about anyway lol…) The only thing I can imagine is someone from Broadway publicly inviting Hawkeye to come see the show with comp tickets for the whole family, maybe as a publicity thing. That would really put the ignorance of this entire production over the top. And then there was some pressure involved between response on social media and maybe someone in the family mistakenly thinking it might be a nice thing to do with the family at Christmas time. The kids clearly weren’t enjoying it either and I can’t see Laura suggesting that to Clint either so that’s the only possible explanation I can think of

I mean the Clint Barton walking out in the middle of their show should say enough to them.

Now that I think about it, this is like the equivalent of if someone produced a musical about 9/11 or something… I mean in the show I get it’s to honor The Avengers but at the end of the day they’re singing and dancing onstage about an attack where people died and lost loved ones, and that the people who fought in it see it as a source of trauma. And it was that long ago for them either. They’d never dare to make a musical about Sokovia I bet but another attack on New York? Why not bruh 😂

I was prepared to be one of the weirdos who strangely like the Rogers Musical scene ‘cause I’m a musical theatre kid but geez I could not stop cringing and laughing. The hardcore MT kid in me would’ve been hurt seeing Clint turning off his hearing aid because he was at a Broadway show, but with this one I 100% support that choice lmao

- The only thing I absolutely love from this whole scene is that needlessly strong ass belt when they sing “I can do this all… DAAAAAAAAAY–” So much passion. It gives me life.

I just had to get this out of my head somewhere. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Overall review: 4/10

[violeswaifu]

🌸YUKIMURA CHARACTER/ROUTE/EVENTS SPAM!!🌸:

Lately I’ve done a lot of spams that I hope people have liked. I’ve done a spam on a lot of shadow routes but also 2/3 of the top rated Slbp rated characters.

(Saizo✅ and Masamune✅)

(I combined Saizo’s with his little brother, both different summaries ofc)

So I guess it’s time to include Yukimura in a spam? Here’s my collection of photos of him and lengthy opinions as always. Like a lot of words ahead

Our lovely Donut lover. I actually like donuts a lot and this is something we have in common so like +500 for you

The Sanada brothers are so amazing and adorable haha. Nobuyuki was actually in an event recently, idk what to think yet but he’s hilarious in the routes/events. Yukimura has a really fun and unproblematic family so it’s always refreshing 😂 (totally not hinting at Saizo and mainly Masamune)

Our so called shy boy seems to know what he’s doing hey?

☝🏼these screenshots were right next to a picture of my husbands (like my real life one) sleeping face and idek why but it was hilarious.

Did you read the claim me at last epilogue or remember it? If you want more screenshots of it let me know 😂it’s a will do

I always like including these type of pictures, considering giving a girl a hairpin or Kanzashi, often were signs of marital status, class, etc. But right here samurai give their women hairpins as in a marriage proposal, correct me if I’m wrong though

So before we begin: I tried my best with this review, for some reason writing this review had me on like 100 with being hyper. I also asked a friend to assist me since it’s been awhile since I’ve done Yukimura’s

Route summary as always kinda spoilers:

Remember how I said Masamune’s route gave me my virginity back? Yeah Yukimura’s is full on cavity sugar filled rom-com with the dark military drama

He’s kinda like a “I SHALL GIVE MY LIFE FOR MY CLAN AND MILORD SHINGEN! 😈” but mixed with a “😳🥺”

Sanada Yukimura , The Sword of Japan. One of the Sanada Ten Braves and second son of the Sanada clan

favorite food consist of donuts🍩

His weakness: women

So basically as most light routes go:

you get sent off as a poison tester in place of your younger brother Yahiko. Disguised as Yahiko you arrive to Shingen’s castle with a big pat on the back.

No really Yukimura was quick to welcome you into the ranks of men. Gotta be with the bros right? He’s so cheery about it too, like he’s so pumped up about MC being there that his retainer even had a: “I didn’t know you were doing that kind of recruiting” statement

I’d also like to add, Yukimura and Masamune visit each other’s routes quite often 😂

(tbf the only reason Masamune found out MC was a girl was because he pulled out his sword on Masamune and it cut her. SO THANKS YUKI!)

This was from a recent event story 👇🏼

Anyways, as Yuki starts to experience confusing attractions to MC (his whole experience with this is fucking hilarious)

But bam all of a sudden Yukimura finds out the MC is actually a woman because silly MC ups and slips off the roof one lovely evening and by accident he touches her chest while grabbing her. He puts two and two together then realizes, “oh shit” she was a girl.

He’s so horrified from having done this to her that he later swears to protect her and help keep her identity a secret. (He’s so cute isn’t he 😂)

Long story short, this fails because Saizo figures it all out (ofc he did lmfao) tells Shingen

she almost died

Spoiler: After Saizo and Shingen engage in a conversation about this, they concluded that MC might be a spy for the Oda. So they ordered her to be beheaded (ouch)

and then Yukimura is like

“WAIT SHES MY WIFE!”

then next thing you know they’re on their way to meet the Sanada fam.

So although there is the cute, happy parts, you’ve gotta expect the sadness ahead.

So one thing, as always the parents in this game aren’t always angelic..or alive.. haha sorry

Yuki’s dad well his dad’s expectations for Yuki is to die in battle basically. So that’s pretty interesting to look for in this route. Especially because MC’s father died giving his life up to war.

MC is pretty badass in this one too, she’s got her risky battles and their hard challenges.

MC is awesome because yk she’s not gonna just let this guy go and kill himself.

So she does something special

Spoiler:

She gave her dads hairpin to him before battle so as a promised he’ll live to return it for her.

To conclude:

MC: 9.5/10

Funny and cheesy vigin 101: 10/10

Sadness and angst: 7.8/10

Hot and bothered: just wait for the claim me at last event

Anyways Yuki is really fun and events don’t do him justice with his goofiness. I’d say it’s definitely worth it. Saizo and Yuki are definitely a good pair to do

Hell finish off the family and do Nobuyuki and Shingen next if you haven’t done it 😂

If you haven’t done Shingen’s yet: Beware, his is literally so smutt filled 🌝

Any questions or want recommendations just comment below.

Want me to do another character that I haven’t done?

(Someone actually asked about the top three the other day @gay-noodle-clan thanks for the idea 🥰)

-Raaven

-(Thanks Phebe for the help with this!)

Oh yeah I wrote this at 1:20am exactly for no specific reason.. it’s currently 9:20am and I’ve edited this so if you saw this before the edit..I’m sorry you had to see the hyper

Shadow routes I’ve reviewed:

Naraukami Kyoichiro

Kirigakure Hotaru

Mitsuba Kaede/Sogo

Routes I’m currently doing: Fujibayashi Genya

Routes I’m doing next: Fujibayashi Sakuya

My Favorite routes:

Hotaru and Kyoichiro (they are the best pair to do in the shadow routes)

[youtiaoshutiao]

传闻中的陈芊芊 thoughts

i haven’t been very active lately but i just came on to say, i binged on the romance of tiger and rose / 传闻中的���芊芊 and have 2 eps left and i love it SO SO MUCH. i was expecting some pure crack but beyond that, i really ended up catching much feels for it?

and i think beyond the outlandish hilarity of some of the scenes and the cheeky meta, it’s actually a pretty decent drama with its plot and character motivations largely dictated by logic. i have to commend the scriptwriter nan zhen 南镇 for the entire set up of the drama (and it’s her original script!!! which is so rare in the industry nowadays run over by book adaptations - i mean i love those too but i still think it’s an easy way out for production companies when they adapt books with established fan bases). it’s actually really clever of her because all plot holes/flaws in world building can easily be attributed to xiaoqian’s lousy scriptwriting abilities?

i really did become quite impressed with the plot as the episodes progressed haha. the conflict and plot thickens as xiaoqian, now as qianqian, with the mindset that she’s not part of this story at all and that she’s interacting with a bunch of characters on paper, continues to engineer plot machinations trying to steer the plot in the right direction to get to the end so she can return back to the real world. and you slowly see how that just devolves into complete chaos and plot twists when surprise! she IS part of the story, she IS interacting with these characters and they are influenced by what she says and does! so you have her original male lead hanshuo, destined for the female lead chuchu, falling in love instead with her and changing his entire plan because of that. you have chuchu, the original female lead, slowly growing more unhinged as she perceives qianqian’s actions and words as callous and uncaring and outrightly antagonistic towards herself and as her resentment builds when everyone seems to shower affection and attention on qianqian still.

adding on to that is, how xiaoqian as a scriptwriter views and perceives her characters? some characters like hanshuo, she clearly constructed with much care and love, as seen by how she knows exactly how to make hanshuo happy and doesn’t want to upset him in the initial episodes (which caused him to fall for her like a devoted puppy). yet it seems like she either didn’t grasp fully their character motivations/personality/how their character is moulded by their backgrounds? which is why she probably didn’t see how the inherent difference with which her mother treats qianqian vs chuchu would lead to jealousy and resentment seeping in and poisoning chuchu’s heart. and her visualising han shuo as a murderous calculating career-driven male lead aka the male lead of eastern palace clearly runs contrary to how he is total putty and has barely hurt a fly ever since he fell in love with qianqian.

and there are characters too like her mother that she originally clearly just wrote in as characters to steer the plot forward, and in-world, she is clearly stricken when she realises how they have emotions and hidden depths beyond what she fathomed - like when her and her mother had that semi HTHT after she stole the dragon bone and her mum stayed by her bedchamber to watch over her all night. and another example would be su ziying - she’s so happy to see him when he appears as in that moment she’s viewing him from the lens of the scriptwriter of this story and she knows he’s going to push the plot forward. but seeing him and his actions actually playing out - she gets irritated by what he does and also his actions actually do end up affecting her, because she is in the story too!!!

and moving on from that, as the plot further progresses, another spanner is thrown into the mix when she realises that male lead is really really in love with her! and would give up everything for her! and... she too is in love with him!! and this changes things too because while initially all her actions were to push the plot to move forward the way she originally wrote it so that she can head back, now she’s actively trying to push back against the flow of events, as she’s now emotionally invested in this and doesn’t want the male lead to die as per her original script.

the play out of all these was really really entertaining and gripping to watch?? i was legitimately bowled over by how affected i was when all the angst came in, because it really felt like it made sense amidst all the crack and was well set up? and throughout it all, the actions of all the main players in the plot made sense and were logical, even the secondary leads chuchu and peiheng. haha idek if i’m ascribing too much credit to this whole plot, maybe it’s really just meant to be a cracky fun time and i’m too into it HAHA.

there’s also the set up of huayuan city being a matriarchal society where basically the roles of women and men are reversed. it is really v trippy!!! and An Experience to see scenes like men being harrassed by women, people tittering at other men for not being covered up enough in public, wares that can increase your chances of birthing a female heir being peddled on the streets. initially i was kind of apprehensive as to how it was going to play out. now at ep 22 where they’ve gone to xuanhu city which is patriarchal the conversation regarding gender roles and gender equality is continuing!! but i shall reserve my thoughts and comments till the entire arc plays out.

but beyond all that, the drama is just so much fun fun funnnnn!!!! i loveddddd seeing how this drama about a scriptwriter getting stuck in her own script had scenes interspersed with storytellers on the street retelling qianqian’s exploits and qianqian’s regular meetups with the storytellers/opera writers to discuss how the plot of the drama was going or even the scene where hanshuo and peiheng went to the opera house for their male lead showdown and the opera characters were there saying all the rude things they wanted to say to each other. such fun meta?? breaking the fourth wall?? satire?? idek LOL i just know i enjoyed it thoroughly

and lastly, apart from all the thinky thinky stuff, i’m thoroughly charmed by the otp HAHA. i loveeeee qianqian so much and zhao lusi is soo effortlessly adorable and natural and charming in this role that i can totally see why everyone from han shuo to her mother is enamoured by her. i actually am really curious also to see how qianqian before xiaoqian transmigrated into her body was like - seeing how her servant didn’t seem to have any whiplash from an extreme change in personality suggest that maybe qianqian wasn’t all that different from xiaoqian?? and probably might not have been that spoilt/callous/havoc-wreaking as everyone perceives her to be?

and han shuo too is SO entertaining and funny and darling - when he first came to huayuan city he’s all “i’m cunning and smart and i’m going to MANIPULATE EVERYBODY for my/xuan hu city’s benefit” and “i want chen qianqian to die with ten thousand arrows through her heart!! i want her to be stabbed by knives three thousand times!! not a single time less!!!” and “do you think i don’t dare to kill you?!”. then he falls in love with her and instantly he’s all puppy eyes and utter devotion. IT’S DELICIOUS. ding yuxi really makes staring at your FL like she’s the only one in the world an art form. and as one comment on a bilibili mv said regarding han shuo’s supposed bloodlust, “han shuo, up to this point you’ve only killed one horse” HAHA

(keep in mind that it’s not even that han shuo ordered the killing of this horse, it was his subordinate that killed it on his behalf, and han shuo was Not Happy about it after that!)

together the otp are even more adorable!!! it’s teeth rotting fluff but yet it comes off very earnest and adorable without being cloying. i was literally clutching my heart and grinning at the screen dopily at some scenes. and even though the otp dynamic and character setups are not really the same, the way the two of them bicker and act like children around each other kind of remind me of yongqi and xiaoyanzi from hzgg for some reason lol.

and apart from the otp, there are a whole host of supporting characters that are really very funny and adorable and entertaining to watch haha. special shoutout to both han shuo and qianqian’s subordinates who are HILARIOUS and plain Done with their masters’ nonsense (especially bai ji who really just wants to get shit done okay!! but his master just keeps on wanting to fall in love and date!!) there’s also qianqian’s older sister yuanyuan who is disabled and on a wheelchair, and with a sad yet somehow hilarious penchant for writing multiple drafts of her will. and her otp, su mu, a courtesan (yes the courtesans in this city are all male).

honestly i’m not sure where i’m going with this, i just briefly scanned through what i’ve written so far and lol seems like paragraphs of illogical incoherent rambling. I’m sorry it’s 5am over here i’m not really thinking straight T_T i just have a lot of feels for this drama okay ;_____;

[atiny-ahgase]

A message to my Moots

Hey all, I originally wasn’t gonna do this cause I honestly didn't even know where to begin (I still don't tbh) but I said that I’ll still give it a try cause I wanted to tell you all my feelings before the new year rolls around (for me at least lol). So let’s get too it.

Firstly thank you to every single person that follows me, or has read any of my fics or liked any of my edits or even just interacted with me in any form. Thank you for the immense love and support that I’ve received on this site, honestly I didn't expect to make any friends here and the fact that I was able to meet and befriend so many amazing people. So I just wanna say thank you so much for being a part of my life. I’ve always put up walls and I’m really bad at getting close to others but Tumblr was the first site that I’ve really felt comfortable enough to be the real me. So thank you for that.

Now on to the Mentions

I had no idea how to start this so I decided to start at the beginning.

@mingishoe -Luna, you were the reason that I joined Tumblr in the first place, your fics brought me here and your interactions with other blogs opened up so many doors for me and helped me to interact and befriend so many amazing people. You were the first person that I ever sent an ask to, you made me feel so comfortable and welcome so thank you for that. Thank you for being you, a literal moon; bright and beautiful always lighting up the way. I honestly don't think that I would ever be able to explain how much I love, admire and look up to you, I honestly can’t find the words. Honestly, just thank you for being there for your little anon (Idk if you know which anon I am though lol)

@vocalyunho -Ames!!!!! The 2nd person that I followed! an absolute angel. You are such a calm soul and I just love your vibe and energy so much. I think that I’ve said this a million times but you just make me feel so safe and secure, you have such a calm and capable aura that is just so soothing to me. Thank you for coming into my life and being the amazing person that you are.

@jonghoshoe -ZAD!!! Baby Brother! My Teddy Bear! My Sunflower!! Where do I even begin?!? You were basically my first friend on Tumblr (and I am even more grateful to Luna cause I found you through her). IDK what it was about you but you had such an amazing out look on life while still being chaotic in the best way possible. I would wake up every morning and look out for your posts cause you would always make me smile. Without even knowing it you became a big part of my life and I am so grateful for that. You were my motivation when I was feeling down, you encouraged me to see the good things in the word, you hyped me up to write fics; honestly you are part of why I am the Gabby that I am today and I cant thank you enough for that, I love and admire you so much.

Next on my list is my little bunny @lustjoong -PK PK PK, my knee loving queen!!!! IDEK what to say cause I feel as though I confess my love to you at least twice a week on discord lol. I love talking with you, you're incredibly level headed and give amazing advice (which I always need cause I’m a mess lol). I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again that I admire you so much and would of never imagined that I would of ever gotten the chance to talk to you (much less be able to call you my friend) cause in my mind I always saw you as this amazing and untouchable writer (but then I realized that I’m taller than you so... lol I’m kidding). I’m happy that you found out that I was messaging you on anon and thank you for reaching out to me. I look forward to more chaotic conversations and knee pics in the new year.

@atiny-piratequeen -FIE I FREAKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I MIGHT EXPLODE!! You fill me with so much life that I cant even begin to explain. I’ve said this a million times before but I love how you aren't afraid to speak you mind and say how you feel. You're such a strong figure to me here on the platform and I've always admired how natural and bold you are with your opinions. I find your personality to be extremely refreshing and welcoming, I was never afraid to interact with you (I combusted when you sent me an ask but that’s only natural..) so thank you for providing me (and a lot of other Atiny) with a safe and welcoming place that we can come to.

@twancingyunhoe -Allyssa!!! My mom!!!! My cookie baking, Yunho loving, cat mom!! where do I even begin?? Thank you for being an absolute angel! You shine so brightly here and you're always so supportive to literally everyone. I am and always will be there for you no matter what so I want you to remember that in the coming year. and remember that I love you in your highs and your lows and I am available to provide cuddles anytime they are needed or wanted cause you are precious to me ok luv.

@felixs-moonlight -my little duckling AJ!!! I’m wishing you the best in the new year cause that's what best bois deserve! You are so incredibly sweet and caring so don't you ever forget. Even if you do forget don't worry cause I will always be there to remind you.

@seoultraveller -Cat. Your presence makes me so happy!! IDEK what it is I just love seeing you on my dashboard, when I don't see you I wonder how you are. I hope that this new years is treating you well. Also, you are NOT boring and lets talk a lot more in the coming year okay luv

@yunhozone -Jey!! I miss you, I hope that you're well, its been raining lately so I hope that you're staying dry and safe. I love your boldness and sense of humor so please don't ever change. i started following you on a whim and I have never regretted following you ever since. You make me smile and laugh so much and I hope that I can do the same for you in the coming years. Stay safe okay luv

@pirate-hongjoong -Kayla, lets both talk more in the coming year ok luv. I pretty much told you everything that I wanted to on your post so I’ll try to keep this short. I think that you're really sweet and we should get to know each other more, I’ll try to reach out some more and be a little less shy. so lets continue to grow our friendship okay.

@taelepathysroom -You were the first friend that I made on Tumblr all on my own (meaning that I didn't see you interacting with a moot or anything, I found you all by myself) to this day I don't remember how I mustered up the bravery to message you. I remember wanting to message you on anon and realizing that you had anon off and I STILL went for it lol, apparently I was wilding. But that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, I love talking with you and receiving all of your extremely important messages and I look forward to many more (my heart is not ready but it is fine).

@moongaera -Gaera you are such a great motivation to me and I’m so happy to be a part of your life. You are so sweet and incredibly talented. I love seeing you on my dashboard and talking with you cause you honestly make my heart want to explode.

@yungidreamer - Big sister!!!! Kelsi!!! My aesthetic queen who I am convince is tryna kill me on our discord chat you are so kind and helpful and give such great tips. You are such a calm soul and I love interacting with you (especially when things feel crazy) its like you just magically know the answer to everything.

@yunhoiseyecandy -Violet, we don't really talk much but I think that you're really cool and fun so lets talk lots in 2021 ok. Also IDK why I felt like this was the perfect place to post this but you're the only moot whos emoji pops up when I start to type their name in the hashtags and I always thought that its really cute. (You're also really cute). I think that we would be really good friends so I cant wait to talk with you more.

@hwaberrykiwi -CAM CAM CAM CAM CAM!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! You are so fun to talk to and so sweet and so calming and you make my heart feel like its bursting (in the best way possible). I hope that you're well and I look forward to sharing more moments here with you on Tumblr (and I am still keeping my promise of not eating Lemon Bars if they aren't from you so...)

@atinywrites -Angel!!! My precious, little angel who always attacks my poor little heart. I love your messages and how you just pop up randomly and shower me with love (then I read your posts and you're just straight up roasting people JBJDJFILJFISREHF) I love absolutely everything about you and I’m really happy that we met each other, I cant wait to see what 2021 has in store for us.

@choisans-dimples -Cass my dearest little Sugar Plum, apart from you being absolutely precious you are also extremely previous to me. I remember our first interactions and they still bring a smile to my face (we were like Tom and Jerry and honestly in a way we still are lol). But you mean so much to me and you never fail to make me laugh or smile no matter what is going on in my life. I wish for you to never lose that smile in 2021 and if it ever begins to falter just know that I’m here ok luv

@latte-fairytaekwoon -Latte, I’m not gonna lie; when Mei started adopting family members I felt like my brain was gonna explode but I gotta hand it to her cause she has great taste in family cause she chose you. If it wasn't for her then I probably would of never found you. if that happened then who would spoil me rotten?!? I am so happy to have met you I honestly thrive every time I see you on my dashboard, you are absolutely hilarious and I love to see your interactions. I cant wait to see what you do in 2021 and all of the other years to come. Thanks for being a great Tumblr Mom

@little-precious-baby -Mei, where do I begin?? You came out of no where for me, you just sort of appeared and then in the blink of an eye you became so dear to me. Id just find myself looking out for your posts and wondering how you are. IDK how to explain it but you've somehow managed to bring so many amazing individuals together in such a short time, you're absolutely amazing and I hope that one day you'll be able to see yourself the way that we already see you. Ik that things can be hard (and they will be because that’s life) but just know that this family that you helped to bring together is always here for you when you need someone to confide in and when it feels like its too much and you need a break we’ll be right here waiting for you until you come back. Just remember that your big sis loves you ok my little bean.

@ateez-little-star -JAS!!!!!! My babie sister IDK how to write this without crying cause you make me so happy that idek what to do. You are so bold and brave while still being shy and cute, I cant explain it. You are so wholesome to talk to and so fun and interesting and sweet and loveable! Like how could someone not love you!! Thank you for always checking up on me and showering me with love and just making me smile.

@yunhofingers -My sweet little bean who definitely never behaves badly!! I am sending you all of the positive vibes for the new year. Ik that things wont always be easy but just know that I’m always here and I believe in you. You are so sweet and kind and bold and I love that about you, don't ever change and thank you so much for making me smile; I hope that I can do the same for you in 2021 and beyond cause I hope that we can be friends for a really long time.

I also wanted to include the moots that I do interact with but I also want to talk to even more in the coming year. Thank you for being here for both me and other people in the kpop community. I love your blogs and you all are so incredibly kind (and ridiculously entertaining; I’m looking at you Caly and Vivi lol), I hope that we can become even better friends.

@hanatiny @sansbun @hongism @multidreams-and-desires @smallfrye @aixy-hpsa @galaxteez @jongpleasure @simphwa @inkigayeo @heeseungluvs

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs/what I’ve been reading (round #1)

Since some folks seemed interested in me starting this, here’s a round-up of what I’ve enjoyed reading in the last...two weeks or so. Not sure how much of a schedule I’ll keep up with these posts, but I’ll try whenever I have a bunch to share before they get too cluttered in my bookmarks.

Some are new(ish), some are older stories, it’s just whatever I’ve stumbled upon via searching tags for particular cravings, recent exchanges, or other recs in the wild. Sixteen fics in total for this round, all below the cut. Basically stories I liked enough that I didn’t just bookmark but I downloaded, so I could re-read without fear of disappearing forever.

Season 15.18—15.20 Fix-its - because we cannot have enough of these ever, right?

One does not simply walk into the Empty by TheSilverQueen  (7.7k) I was practically screaming while reading this one. Because if you are Dean Winchester, that is EXACTLY what you do - walk straight into the Empty to get Cas back and pick a fight with the Shadow about it until you get your way. Inspired by the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice yet wonderfully in character. Might be my favorite fix-it to date because it just felt like...yes, I can see this happening. Exactly like this.

the noise of stars by depugnare (2.9k) - I love this for the look inside Cas’s thoughts and mind—going back to the dawn of creation and leading to his rescue from the Empty. Seems like a lot to cram into under 3k words but it’s very poetic and beautifully written, something that feels very angelic (also, I love the handling of Dean’s soul actually being quite broken after his time in Hell, something I feel isn’t dealt with nearly enough...?)

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k) This one hurts so good. The Empty torments Cas with visions of Dean coming to rescue him over and over again. How can he know what’s real versus a dream? Bonus points for a nifty Law & Order reference (dun dun).

Occursus by PallasPerilous (4k). Heaven!fic, so read at your own risk. This one I loved for angel weirdness and strange biology at its finest. Dean’s soul basically gave Cas an angelic STD when he raised him from perdition. IDEK but it works and I loved it and if you like fic that skirts on the strange with lovely language, humor, and banter, this is for you.

These Old Bones by Destina (3.2k). Always a delight to share a fandom (once again!) with an author whose style and works I know I’ll enjoy. Wherein Dean and Cas straddle a unique line between Heaven and Earth in order to build the life-and home-together that they deserve. Loving and comforting and with just a touch of the bitter to the sweet.

Command Me to Be Well by prosopopeya (28k). This one hurts a lot before it gets better because they’re both emotional idiots in their own ways. It doesn’t matter in this story exactly how Cas got back; the real challenge is Dean (and Cas) figuring out how to deal with what comes next in the aftermath of Cas’s love confession. Dean acts like sex will be enough (and is all he can handle); Cas wants/needs far more than that, and it’s a long, long road to get there. If you want a story where they don’t just immediately work out great, happily-ever-after after fixing Cas’s death, this is one I’ll rec.

Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime (7.8k) I know I already mentioned loving this one but I have to put it on my official rec list. Kind of a contrast to the previous rec, here they don’t waste much time at all getting it on, once Cas is back. Delicious first-time fix-it sex with wings and so hot/explosive they practically trash the bunker. I really like smutty fic that doesn’t forget that Cas isn’t human so there are some...unique kinks in how they get it on.

surely heaven wants for you by cenotaphy (3.7k) Heaven fic with steamy first time sex outside. Just...a yummy read with enough angst and feelings to balance things out nicely.

*****

Human!Cas in Season 9 (canon-divergent AUs or Not) - This is where I was recently at on my complete watch-through, so I have a serious craving for human!Cas missing scenes, or AUs where he stays in the bunker with Dean, Sam and Kevin. Hence a lot of reading to scratch that itch.

La cucina. by orange_crushed (3.9k). Total food-porn delight. Dean enjoys bringing new foods for Cas to taste now that he is human and Dean is in the bunker kitchen cooking like the total domestic goddess housewife he is meant to be. This one is yummy in more ways than one and satisfies my craving for pleasure seeking!Cas as well as protective-mama hen!Dean. 

Bibliophile by tiamatv (4k). Human!Cas loves books, on a tactile level and on a story-telling level, too. Dean likes to cuddle. Cas tries to figure out how to read AND cuddle at the same time. Just a happy comforting read that’s like a warm and fuzzy blanket of squee.

A Room of His Own (or not) by Valinde (Valyria) (3k). This fandom is very, very good to this fan of delicious frottage and bedsharing and this is no exception. Especially when it features greedy-for-pleasure!Cas just totally hungry for new experiences and awkward about them at the same time.

Under the sun by orange_crushed (1k). Episode tag for 9x06. Bitchy Human!Cas hurt/comfort wound-care with bedsharing and just...electric with possibilities.

*****

My Wing!Kink let me show you it.

The Care and Feeding of Castiel by MalMuses (24k) Soft. So, so very deliciously soft. Soft!Dean nesting (in more than one ways) in the bunker. Unique and delightful angel-lore relating angels to birdlike-behavior including nesting urges/molting/even flight-or-fight instincts that explains so much of how Cas acts. This is a great AU with Cas starting to regain his wings as things calm down (in an alternative late season setting) and he starts to feel more at home in the bunker. Wing-grooming as he’s molting and regrowing damaged wings acts as a metaphor for Dean & Cas “grooming” and healing their relationship by finally talking about the hurt and miscommunication between them through the years. Much love. Such happy. A+ rec especially when there is @lizleeships art to go with it.

The Care and Keeping of Wings by nekosmuse (2.9k) Crackfic! Pure crack in the absolute best way possible! Cas comes back from Purgatory with.... something different about him. His wings are manifest and everyone can see them. Dean seems strangely proud of showing off his winged angel!babe...even when Cas has them pull over Baby for the perfect dust bath. Poor Sam must suffer both of these idjits and try to keep onlookers away.  IDEK but I loved it.

*****

Random other recs

Blessed Are Those Who Hunger by pollutedstar (3.6k) Character study of Dean and dark reasons behind some of his weird issues with food, relating back to 5.14 (My Bloody Valentine). I might caution that if you have any eating disorder triggers you might want to tread carefully, but otherwise this is a painfully good look at the things Dean will do to protect and care for those he loves.

Mary Winchester, Working On It by alittleduck (9.6k) Saw this one recced on fail_fandomanon and I had to check it out. Mary is trying to figure out Dean & Cas’s relationship. Dean thinks Mary is trying to come out as gay herself. Lots of great/hilarious TFW 2.0 dialog and family banter, and somehow it manages to skirt hitting my embarrassment squick despite the set-up and a lot of awkward situations.

[hypermania]

So hey. I just wanted to check in and see how you are holding up with all the new sambucky content you have received recently lol remember to drink water! It will help with the shouting!

idek how to put into words what i’m feeling. it’s not just that there is content but that the content is good. never in my wildest dreams did i think disney would give us something to actually work with. it’s like disney’s been so hung up on no homo-ing stucky that they completely forgot that bucky barnes is still played by seb stan whose big sad eyes are wont to feast on the golden buffet that is anthony mackie.

they thought they could have sam and bucky bickering like an old married couple and it would just be funny because surely nobody thinks they’re actually in love. they’re not stucky. it’s fine. it’s silly, even! haha two bros chilling in a therapy session all pressed up against each other because they’re not gay. marvel thinks they’re funny?? well i’m about to be real fucking hilarious with my bisexual agenda

[babycracker]

❤️ teehee

look at you, BEGGIN for it after pretending you don't like affection all this time 🙄

idek where to start. you're hilarious, i can't even remember how many times youve had me losing it to the point i can't see my phone anymore and need a break just to calm myself tf down.

you're also really, idk the word but like not judgemental at all. like i know i can tell you literally anything and you'll be cool with it. and i probably have told you close to everything lol

we're like, same brain so's it's almost scary sometimes, ie: both of us typing at once for the first time that day. and i know whatever i ramble to you, you're almost always gonna be down to join in and either laugh with me or make me feel better.

you're really. thoughtful?? like when ive had shit going on, you're there for me without like being in my face abt it if that makes sense? and like you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better. and yes im aware this is starting to sound like a bogan love letter but just ignore that.

you're SO encouraging and supportive, and, like. idk if im ever hesitant abt something (which happens often, let's be honest) you're not so much blindly like DEW IT but you talk through stuff with me until i feel myself like i can do it, you know? and then you're like DO IT NOW lmao

you're such an amazing writer, like i could never. you give me serious writers envy whenever i read smth you've written and then I have to talk myself out of my feelings of inadequacy coz like. you're amazing, seriously. you have such a beautiful way with words and i just could never.

OMG AND YOUR IDEAS. you big brain bitch, you have THE BEST FIC IDEAS. like idk how you do it over and over again but everything you come up with is so original and creative and well thought out and has very real potential to destroy me and i love it.

you're an incredible artist too!! like i know you say you're still learning and all but like dude, you're already so good and i better be the first one on your waiting list when you open commissions. yes, i said 'when', deal with it.

ok. you're probably throwing up by now so imma stop, but if you want more lemme know coz i got SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU 💛🤍

send me a ❤ and lemme compliment you!

[greenandhazy]

ppl in the Trobed discord asked if I had more future headcanons for Rickie and Leon (Troy and Abed’s kids from my Nadir-Barnes Canon verse) when they grow up and I was THRILLED because idk if I’m going to write more in that verse (writing too far into the future makes me wary for some reason? like how can I just pretend I have ANY concept of what the 2030s will be like) but YES I HAVE THOUGHTS:

Rickie grows up to be a confident, outgoing person, the life of the party and everyone’s  de facto big brother, although he does struggle a bit more with those early traumas and is more self-conscious about identity issues, so that confidence is the result of intermittent therapy and mindfulness

Such as, for example, morning prayer with Abed, which leads to him expressing more of an interest in Islam--sometime in late elementary/early middle school he transfers to a mainstream school that’s close enough for him to walk to a nearby after school program, and eventually formally converts. (Leon doesn’t feel the need for that and Abed doesn’t feel the need to push.) so yeah, another trilingual in the family heyyyyy.

Neither of the kids are fluent in Polish, although they hear it occasionally from Abed around the home.

He likes to dance as a hobby, although not so much modern--he likes jazz and hip-hop, things that are more high-energy. He and Troy have a LOT of spontaneous dance parties around the house. But starting in middle school, spoken word poetry and rap become his real big things and he eventually goes on to have a music career--think early Childish Gambino, Chance the Rapper vibes. (Leon achieves minor TikTok stardom for his ASL covers at one point.) He likes to run them by Troy first, and Troy and Abed are the ultimate hype men.

Abed is always really careful to seek out opportunities to connect with both kids, and they’re both written into Voyage of the Starship Legacy in some way... but it’s Leon’s. He thinks of it like a personal bedtime story that happens to have been made into a feature film, and it’s his comfort rewatch. In general he’s more of a fan of Abed’s stuff because he likes the meta aspects, and while Rickie enjoys them too, that’s not really his style as much, you know?

(I mentioned in one of the fics, Rickie is Abed’s ego-shrinker. If people find out Rickie and Leon are Abed’s kids they’ll be like “omg that’s so cool!” and Leon will be like “haha yeah” awkwardly and Rickie will say “cool? lol right, it’s the nerdiest thing about me.”)

Subsequently, Leon is always really excited when Troy suggests they go sailing. Rickie is enthusiastic in theory but usually gets bored once they’re out on the open sea, so this becomes Troy and Leon’s Thing, especially as he gets older and is less easily entertained by funny voices and faces. He just finds the open ocean very soothing and, yknow, parallels between sailing and space exploration or whatever. He really loves hearing Troy’s stories about his trip.

He’s more of a shy person, especially around people his own age--definitely not an entertainer the way the rest of the family is, and has a bit of a dryer sense of humor. One of his hobbies growing up is drawing, and there’s a running joke in the extended (found) family that someday Abed is going to produce an animated film illustrated by Leon modeled on Troy’s dance troupe with a soundtrack by Rickie. Cut to Leon’s sophomore year of college, when he announces that....... his major is astrophysics and he has a summer internship at NASA

(you can’t prove I was rewatching The Martian when I came up with this) (I just love the idea of Abed’s kids being just as phenomenally successful but one in in a Very different way, also I think the study group’s reaction would be very funny for some reason) (come on guys, he’s been very into space for a long time, this shouldn’t be a surprise, right?

Sometime around middle school, Leon starts not only not putting his hearing aids in, but leaving them at home when he goes out. Troy and Abed always prefer he have them as a backup, and a very common dad joke in their household is “You’d lose your ears if they weren’t attached to your head--oh, wait.” Eventually he admits that yeah, he’s “forgetting” them on purpose, partly because he’s getting tired of Questions and Looks, partly as an act of defiance because he dislikes the expectation that he wants to hear all the time, partly because it makes him feel Some Kind of Way that he doesn’t actually need them--that between his family, his school, his community, and even the cashier at the bodega across the street who taught himself a few signs, he really can get plenty of social interaction and communication just using ASL and he likes that feeling. (Troy is especially touched by that, given that he does not have Abed’s gift for languages and learning ASL took more effort for him.)

They both really enjoy traveling. The family makes semi-regular trips to Arizona and wherever Annie ends up with the FBI, but spend the most time in Colorado--especially in the summers. Gobi is still grumpy but spoils the kids rotten, and they like being the cool older cousins of Jeff and Britta’s kid. the Bennett boys are a little older but Rick and Leon are always trying to convince them to get into Shenanigans, and when they do, they reach a whole new level of shenanigans. Shirley is Tired.

They come back from Colorado with more complimentary Greendale merch than you could ever imagine. the Dean knows they’re not going to go there but..... he can try. Rickie gets his first taste of alcohol from Britta. Leon goes to Annie for girl advice when he gets his first crush because he figures his dads are way too gay to be helpful. Jeff takes them out to play paintball all the time (in like... actual, legit paintball--fields? idek what they’re called) and regales them with tales of Greendale paintball, which they had been 100% sure their dads were exaggerating until Jeff stepped in. They think Chang is putting on a hilarious act for like their entire childhoods and are solely responsible for portions of Chang’s “I Never Die” song becoming a meme among LA schoolchildren.

oh and I don’t have, like, faceclaims for them or anything but I picture Rickie wearing lots of bright colors and being ultimately like an inch or two shorter than his little brother, which offends him deeply, and Leon tends to wear his hair a little longer, like..... Power Rangers-era Eka Darville.

ANYWAY those are the things that have been milling around in my head the last couple of weeks. I have very strong feelings about this children I made up <3 <3 <3

[johobi]

The Devil In His Details

Word count: 9.2k

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Warnings: alcohol consumption, drug mentions, dirty talk, oral sex (male receiving), assplay, prostate milking, edging

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18686617

A/N: So this was supposed to be 1k words long for an anon that requested bad boy!Jimin in a drabble prompt game. Clearly that didn’t happen. I hope you enjoy it more than I did editing lkfjwalkjf.

Evil comes in many forms. In this instance, it’s a 5′8″ pretty-boy with an even prettier dick. And you’re the form you want him to come in.

Park Jimin.

A slender, regal nose. Two sly eyes that mellow with laughter. A white smile with just the one, imperfect tooth. Cheeks you'd find on a cherub's face, but a jawline hewn with the devil's input.

Everything about his face is an infuriating dichotomy of soft and sharp. And, God, his lips. Full, unfairly alluring, and begging to be kissed. But this is not a man who does much of that. Begging, that is. Kissing? Oh, he does a lot of that. It doesn't extend to you, though, no matter how much you wish it did.

Jimin is the object of your latest fixation. Well. You may say latest, but in reality you've been harbouring something hot and nasty for this guy for most of the academic year. To the faces of your friends, you blame the heartbreak inflicted by your ex-boyfriend. The thing is, you've been over him for months. Without that as a plausible explanation for your misguided crush, though, you have little to offer in substitution. Jimin isn't the type of guy any sensible, law-abiding girl should be cranking her Rabbit up for. Sure, he's so beautiful that his face can cleanse troubled minds. But he’s flying so many red flags it's like swimming in shark-infested waters.

He manspreads across from you in the campus square, leather jacket and black jeans lacquering his body and a cigarette dwindling limply between his lips. A smile occupies his mouth and eyes, the latter until they're mere, charming slits. You find yourself smiling, too. Oh, God. Get yourself together, ____. Fucking infatuated idiot.

You should know better. Jimin is aposematic with his lurid, magenta hair. He's a beacon of rebellion amidst the drab of campus conformation. And, yeah, maybe he looks cool because of that.

But he’s nothing but trouble.

A criminal.

You don't know the extent of his many and varied illegal activities, but you do know that you'd be an idiot to ever involve yourself with him. The lesser of his crimes begin with him not even being enrolled at the very university he utilises as his base of operations. And nor is he shooed away for his overt disregard for campus rules - and, generally, the law - because security lives snugly in his weed-stuffed back pocket. Yep, he's a dealer. Street racer. Brawler. You don't know how many times you've been torn from sleep by his gang's maniacal laughter as they rough up a rival, less attractive one.

He's also a heartbreaker.

And as ridiculous as it is, that's the thing that gives you most reason for pause. Not the drug-peddling, not the violence, but because you're in so deep you want to be sharkbitten. Consumed, bone for bone.

But he never looks your way. Ever. You're not so much a Plain Jane, you don't think, but desperately shy. Especially where your heart's involved. It forgets its function when confronted with someone you like. You take care of your appearance. You've had a few, long-term boyfriends. But whenever you're dumped back at Square One: Single, you're as hopeless in romance as you are in cooking. And all the cuisine you can conjure involves a microwave.

Scenarios of seduction circulate your mind as you ogle him from afar, your thoroughly bitten lip again between your teeth. If only you possessed the confidence your best friend insisted lay latent within you. It would be nothing to strut up to him now and toss your phone into his lap, arms crossed and an expectant smirk curling your mouth. "Gonna give me your number, or what?" you'd sigh - exasperated for the sake of drama - his beautiful face wiped clean of its cocksure facade.

Yeah, that'd be real cool.

But you're still sitting here, legs bobbing out of habit. Jimin is still there, smug and sexy, imparting something hilarious enough, apparently, to wind the comparably attractive guys with him. It's then that your phone purrs between your hands, clutched and previously forgotten.

It's Jisoo, said best friend.

[13:56] slut #1: heyyyy

[13:56] slut #1: guess what

It'll be one of two things. Either she needs your notes because she slept-in in lieu of doing the set reading, or—

[13:56] slut# 1: our floor's having a party tonight

Party.

[13:56] slut #1: come or ill break your legs 

The severity of her threat comes down to your repeatedly declining her invitations. It's not that you don't enjoy parties, because you do. In fact, there’s rarely a time you feel more alive than getting smashed and exorcising your anxiety for those few hours. It's more the fact that it takes a month's worth of mental energy to prevent you flaking out in the lead-up.

Today, though, you're game. Your introversion has been well and truly catered to these last, barren weeks. You're at full charge.

[13:58] yeah, why not

Dots dance across the screen.

[13:58] slut #1: serious???? holy shit that was easy for once

[13:58] slut #1: come to my room at 9

[13:59] the party's in your room?

[13:59] slut #1: no dumbass it's like the whole floor, idek whose party it is but u gotta meet me somewhere right

[14:00] kk. see you then

However unlikely, a feeble hope tugs at your fragile, besotted heart. Maybe he'll go? The organ stutters in your chest when you raise your eyes to where Jimin sits. But he's gone. Suddenly, it all seems like a terrible idea. It's just not meant to be. The universe is communicating it to you as gently as it can.

I need a firm slap. Irked by your nonsensical infatuation, you shoot to your feet and make off in a storm, bag not so much slung but catapulted onto your back. I need to get the fuck over this.

The campus square is a sizeable, open space with the central fountain being its only obstacle. However, by how solid the object is that you suddenly collide with, it seems to have sprouted another.

"Shit!" you gasp, nose flattened sharply, painfully, against something immovable. As you rub it, brows sharp in offense, you peer up into eyes of the thing you've blindly marched into.

Fuck.

Jungkook.

One of Jimin's lackeys.

Before you can locate his magenta-headed leader, however, Jungkook fills the entirety of your field of view. His narrow lips draw tighter; eyes, too. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

“U-Uh—”

“Uh?” the musclehead mimics, stooping into your personal space. By instinct, you shrink. At odds with his adorably prominent front teeth, the sneer he wears is nasty. “Anything else?”

An errant glance over Jungkook’s shoulder finds you Jimin. He hangs back, hands in pockets, nonplussed by the confrontation. It’s likely pretty tame in comparison to their usual run-ins. But it frustrates you, nonetheless, that the boy won’t look at you, even now, when the spotlight is searing you.

Jungkook snaps his fingers at the end of your nose and you’re back in the room. “Well?”

“I’m sorry. It was an accident. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You hack for breath when he exhales a plume of cigarette smoke directly into your face. “I-It won’t happen again.”

The other one with them - Seokjin, the half-ass in your business studies class - claps a hand on Jungkook’s seam-straining shoulder. “‘Roid rage. Sorry, sweetheart. You’re a finance major too, right?”

Before you can even process the unexpected civility of his question, Jungkook rounds on him in ire. “The fuck? You know I don’t take steroids.” His cigarette flares at the corner of his mouth. Like a showboating pidgeon, he puffs out his muscular chest. “This is all hard work.”

Seokjin is clearly unmoved. He blinks an unnecessary amount of times, like it’s a tic of his. His glasses ride up as he crinkles his nose. Then: “Okay. Didn’t know you were too stupid to get a joke though. ‘Roids must be shrinking your brain as well as your dick.”

“What—”

An Off-White jacket streaks across your vision.

“—the fuck—”

A white t-shirt follows it soon after.

“—did you just say?”

Jungkook ripples, shirtless, with such unabated fury he distorts the air surrounding. Or maybe it’s the heatwave.

It’s then, beholding this sudden, aggressive display, that your fear finally surfaces. “Oh my God, what the fuck is happening?” you whisper exclusively to yourself, because to attract attention is to court an ass-beating.

And it’s then, of course, that Jimin finally takes heed of your existence. With a quirk of his head, he stares you down. Well, not so much stare. What he does expresses far less effort. His eyes meander the length of you in their own, good time, before landing on your blanching face. The laziest of smirks possess his lips.

Your heart sprouts wings.

His smirk widens.

Fuck, your heart’s airborne. It’s gonna launch itself out your mouth.

Seokjin dispels Jimin’s sorcery with another, unwisely provocative comment. “Your dick’s shrivelled? Or your brain? I don’t know which one offended you.”

Jungkook pounds his chest once, like an oversexed silverback. “Why you always gotta do me like this, bro? Is it ‘cause I fucked your mom that one time? I thought you were over tha—”

“Fuck you!”

Just when you’d established Seokjin as the pacifist of the group, he begins throttling Jungkook double-handed. The pair slip into an awkward grapple while Jimin looks on.

Looks at you.

Doesn’t even spare a glance for the groups of hurried, whispering students migrating across campus.

Guttural grunts float up from the ground as Jungkook and Seokjin’s scuffle escalates, but their leader pays them no mind in that moment. It’s your opportunity to say something more, but you don’t. Your vocal chords never pull together.

Moment missed.

Jimin sweeps a lock of magenta from his eyes, finally animate. A testy sigh siphons from him. “Get up. You’re making me look bad. Put your fucking shirt on, Jungkook.” His voice, usually soft, strikes like a serpent. Venom coats his tongue. “You represent me, dickheads. Plus, you’re scaring this girl.”

The absurdity of the situation, the apprehension you feel, is muffled for a moment. All you can hear is the rush of blood and Jimin’s vocal acknowledgement of your existence ricocheting in your mind. Girl. You.

It’s stupid. Demeaning, even, snapping up these scraps like a slobbering mongrel.

But exciting.

Having captured Jimin’s attention, you bow to him the gratitude you can’t vocalise. The plan, as you rise, is to hit him with a seductive smile, but you're certain your mouth only stretches awkwardly. Nevertheless, his pretty lips purse for a moment before pulling up, too. “I’m going.” He addresses them, but his eyes are on you.

Jimin takes his leave without further ado. As he passes you his gaze lingers too long, demanding he turn his face. His body ghosts past without contact, but a chilly thrill descends upon you like he's drifting right through your bones. And then he struts away like he owns the place, because he does.

And, God, he owns you, too.

His in-fighting entourage scrabble to catch up with him. Jungkook's hastily gathered clothes scrape the floor as he runs, their expense forgotten. “‘Min-hyung! Wait! We’re sorry!”

"Bye then," you comment, quiet, to their retreating backs. It wasn't quite the first encounter you'd prophesied, but considering Jimin's reputation, it should've been.

Anyway.

Your eyes fall to your phone and this evening's plans.

Party.

---

Jisoo's generously highlighted features bob before you in the muted light. Parts of her face are so illuminescent it looks like scaffolding. "Anyway, I'll be back soon. Get some drinks, loosen up. I need to find Namjoon."

"Okay, but are you actually gonna come back?" Your first beaker of jungle juice is already souring your lips. "'Cause if you're gonna find Namjoon, I don't think you're gonna come back."

Her eyes are everywhere but on you, glossy mouth twisting. “I'll really try! But I also really wanna see him, now I know he's here." Suddenly, your free hand is in her meticulously manicured clutches. "I'm not saying I will disappear, but I might. Please understand! I need dick so bad. Please." And now her eyes are on yours, black as night and just as dangerous. Jisoo is never more serious than when cock is at stake.

You shake yourself free of her flimsy grasp and flimsier promises. "Do what you want, but I don't know anyone in your dorm. If you don't come back in an hour, I'm gonna go."

That was an hour ago.

Within that hour, you consumed three cups of awful booze, lingered awkwardly by the party lights, and recovered zero Jisoos. The only noteworthy happening was some plastered guy insisting you were his boyfriend. So insistent, in fact, that you doubted your own identity by the last of the 15 minutes he spent calling you Yoongi. He lamented endlessly about how difficult it would be to survive the evening without getting in your tight little ass. The only thing that convinced him of the truth to your identity was said, tight-assed man appearing and dragging the lightweight away. Yoongi did have a nice ass, you observed, as they fell back into the throng.

Oh.

And Jimin was here.

Skulking the fuchsia shadows like a perfect predator. Thing is, he's already top of the food chain. No hunting required. Very much evidenced by the girls that swarmed him all night like a shoal of pilotfish. The music was too loud and the light too dim, but for every instance he opened his mouth, his accompanying partygoers exploded into laughter. This seems a skill of his. He has dominion over men and women both.

And you're no exception.

Whenever he was in sight, he drew your eyes. When he was dancing, he drew them lower. And there they remained, never straying from his swivelling hips and straining thighs. The girls danced in circles around him like they were worshipping a pagan idol. Understandable. You coveted him, too, from afar.

But now he's gone. Your cup is empty. Jisoo is getting Namjoon'd.

It's been an hour. You're going home.

There’s enough trash at your feet and liquor loosening your morals that you feel no guilt in dropping your beaker onto the pile. Polished, black shoes with pointed toes enter view and crumple that which you’ve littered. You look up.

“Juh—”

Jimin. It’s Jimin. Neither your mouth nor brain can co-ordinate sufficiently enough to identify him verbally, though. Instead, you gawp, inches from his breathtaking face, bathed in romantic light. “Littering, huh? Kinda rude, don’t you think?” He taunts, tongue between teeth. When you don’t rebut him, he slides an arm up the wall behind you. Sinks closer, until your eyes meet on an intimate level. “What are you doing here, campus girl? Didn’t think this was your kind of thing.”

Righteous indignation roils in you. As for why, it’s unclear. As are most things when relatively tipsy. “How would you know what my kind of thing is? You don’t know me. Also, don’t call me campus girl.” At this proximity, you’re acutely aware of the alcohol on your breath. You dial it down a bit. Turn your head and snort. “That’s rude.”

The alcohol, apparently, has also robbed you of your self-preservation skills. Because never in the light of a sober day would you be slighting a delinquent like this. And not the one you’re besotted with, either. That, then, dawns on you. As does his closeness, and the sweet smell of his own poison of choice.

“Well, I don’t know your name, do I?” Charm inhabits his tone, his smile. God, it’s flustering. Jimin toys with you, thwarting your attempts to evade his eyes. His face follows yours, until it’s all you can do but stop and stare. Fall fully and deeply into him. “‘Cause you’re shy, aren’t you?” He wets his lips then, unfairly. They’re dewy and full and even rosier in this light.

“Let me suck your dick,” you blurt, hypothesizing it being just as juicy. Just as tasty. Your inhibitions are low, but not enough that this is a mistake. Jisoo is right. There’s confidence in you, somewhere. You tap it when you tap a keg.

Jimin looks scandalised. His eyebrows vanish into his hairline. Giddy laughter streams from him. “Pardon?”

“I said, let me suck your dick.” Power floods your bloodstream. Liquid courage mingles with. “I’m pretty good at it, and I really want to. Like, so bad. I think about it a lot.”

If he says no, you no longer have to wonder.

If he says no, you never have to look at him again.

If he says no, you can chase someone wholesome and virtuous.

If he says yes, you get to suck his dick.

“Yeah?” Interest kindles in Jimin’s keen, black eyes. He’s close enough, now, that his body heat feels akin to weight against you. His voice drops below the bass of the music. “What did you think about?”

Are you gonna dirty talk in public?

A quick glance around and they aren’t so much the public anymore as parading monkeys, high on lust and low on decency. Just over from you, there’s a girl getting the least discreet fingerbanging of her life.

So, yeah. You lose a little of your rigidity and tip back your head. Lick your lips with a deliberate tongue. “How pretty your cock probably is. How it’d feel on my tongue, in my throat.” Unconscious or not, Jimin’s pressing to your hip. The subject of your conversation starts soft in his pants, but stiffens with your salacious description. Fuck, you’re tingling, too. “How you’d taste, coming down my throat—”

“Are you for real, campus girl?” Jimin interrupts, breathy. Disbelieving. He almost sounds distressed. Like a donkey that doesn’t wanna walk miles for a dangling carrot. Jimin doesn’t seem to get it, though. He’s the carrot, and dear God you wanna chomp down.

“I told you not to call me that. Guess you’re not interested,” you bluff, because not only are you provocative on booze, you’re also an absolute fucking idiot. There’s a significant chance he’ll tire of your tsundere bullshit and find another open mouth. However, as you turn to leave, fate smiles on you. As does he, when he sandwiches you to the wall, his chest to your back and his mouth a ghost on the nape of your neck.

Chills.

Chills spread where his breath is hot and wet. But still, his lips don’t touch. You can, however, hear the smirk in his voice. “Tell me your name.”

The stutter sabotages you somewhat. You’re breathless. “I-It’s ____.”

"____," Jimin repeats with a flick of his tongue, wetting your nape with the slightest of saliva. "Are you for real, ____? Or are you drunk?"

His fingers spread like wildfire across the tops of your thighs, testing the give of your flesh. You exhale as if he's squeezing the soul from you. "I'm for real. I'm not drunk, I've just had enough to realise that if I don't say this now, I never will. How often do you talk to me, after all?"

Jimin's throat rumbles as he contemplates. His lips part by your ear, vocal fry caressing each, careful syllable. "How often do you talk to me?" he poses. The steady, rigid throbbing against your ass suggests that this could've happened sooner.

Reluctant as you are to disturb your clinch, you’re not here to stare at the plastering. It would be a crime to deny yourself the chance to ogle his beauty close-up. With this in mind, you twist against his body, bringing your fronts flush together. God, he throbs all the more potently like this, pressed to the crotch of your dress. Jimin's still smiling, of course, all illegal charm and zero reserve.

A nervous lick of lips. "You're terrifying. Especially when you're surrounded by those guys all the time. That's why I don't talk to you." It’s a half-truth. The other half is your incompetence in flirting.

"And here I was, thinking you were shy," is Jimin’s riposte. "But, clearly, I'm wrong." Those plush, pink lips descend on you before you can blink away the unreality of it. They're softer than any piss-poor imitation of a man's mouth that's come before them. Softer than silk, even. And when they open, syrupy. A mire of heat and wet tongue, caressing away all your prior fears, even if they're legit. It really doesn't matter. Not when you're tasting this sublime man. Not when he suckles at your mouth so sensually, so gently. He can't be that horrific a person when he's holding you with such careful attention. It's too soon when he unties your tongues. "You don't need to be afraid of me," Jimin murmurs thickly to your lips. The lop-sided smile he wears says otherwise. It's a little too close to a sneer. "Well, ____—" he steps back. Lures you with him. "Wanna make this a reality?"

You're giddy as fuck. So much so your legs feel like a Newton's cradle. "Y-Yeah. Take me somewhere—" to speak his name is to make it real— "Jimin."

People blur, merge shapelessly around you as he weaves through their mass, leading you by one, dainty hand. It's not the drink. You're dizzy - high, even - with anticipation so intense it renders all outside his svelte figure indistinct. All there is is him, and what you're about to do. It doesn't even feel like you're tripping up the stairs when you do. You're floating, actually, because he's pulling you up and smirking so salaciously that you're weightless. The only weight is the one nestled deep in your abdomen, punching at your cunt like it knows well what that smug mouth could do.

The two of you stagger into an unoccupied bathroom. It's as grim and grotty as you'd expect of student lodgings, but that matters very little right now. Even though you're painfully germaphobic. The priority is realising you're about to suck off Park fucking Jimin. It hits you so powerfully that, for a very long second, you want to reconsider. After all, he likely has expectations. Confidence flees from you.

"Okay, then. On your knees, ____."

And then it floods back. As does desire.

Jimin perches atop the toilet with poise, its seat flat beneath him. You briefly speculate its cleanliness, but he’s already slinking the denim down his legs and over his knees. They cling in a pool at his ankles, likely impossible to get any further. His visibly wilting cock lounges against the crotch of his CKs, waiting for your intervention. It'll have to wait a little longer, though, because there's nothing on God's awful earth that will hinder your leering at this visual feast. His muscle-strapped thighs are somehow all the thicker hugging the bowl of the toilet. And the tiny, toned waist they taper to is all the confirmation you require to understand that this man is way out of your league. Like, forget international league. You're 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. "Fuck."

The curse is all he needs to understand. Whether it's for the sake of wanking his ego or to titillate you further, Jimin tenses his quads until they're as hard and smooth as varnished oak. All you want is to ride them like a fucking rocking horse. "You making me wait?"

Hell no. Before he can even finish his taunt you're at his feet and kneading his thighs like dense dough. Jimin feels fit. He isn't pliable like lovers gone. He's zero body fat, all thew, all sex. He's everything.

And you're nothing to him.

Tonight, though, you’ll become something.

Your fingers continue upward. And as they do, inward. Where he's slightly fleshier, and by the twitch of his covered dick, more sensitive. "How do you like it?"

"I'm as predictable as any other guy," Jimin half-shrugs, reclining against the cistern. His fingers curl into your hair, though not in any pushy, possessive way. It's almost as though he's simply appreciating its texture. The curve of your scalp. Tingles spring from his touch and arrest your body. "Deep as possible. Don't neglect the shaft. Play with my balls a little," he reels off his litany shamelessly. "If you can take it, lemme fuck your face?"

Each of his suggestions make both your mouth and cunt salivate. You want all of those things and more. That other thing. "We'll see," you say as much to yourself as you do to him. "Let's see what we're working with." You lunge for his waistband with both hands, eager to steal them from his body. Jimin halts you once you peek pubes.

"I'm not sitting my bare ass on this toilet." The grunt he makes is indignant. Adamant.

But you have plans. And so you whip a towel from its rail and coax it beneath him, the makeshift mat feeling dubiously damp. "If you want me to do it good, let me have you without your underwear."

Jimin complies, shifting his weight. Then, with danger perverting his tone: "Then you better do it good, ____."

You perform well under pressure. The pressure that comes with academic deadlines and 10th grade theatre, at least. However, it doesn't extend to sucking the cock of, arguably, the most intimidating, most captivating man you've gawped at from afar. Your previous lovers were diffident and easy to please. It's only through your own, bored invention that you delved deeper into the art of oral with them. You hope it serves you well tonight. "I'll try my best," you challenge, brow cocked, Jimin's boxers successfully purloined. The front of them are tacky to the touch, and this alone incites you. God, you can taste his salt already.

To your dismay, he doesn't resume his careful caressing of your scalp. No, once his bottom half is nude, he splays his thighs obscenely and leans back, fingers curling around the towel-covered toilet seat. From here he peers down his nose at you, a smirk all the while. His torso is one rigid, smooth slope, and you wish selfishy to see it exposed. Asking for that, too, though, might be too much.

And now that your gaze plummets, it doesn't matter. His cock is enough. You'd think it impossible for such an awkward looking appendage to ever earn the term pretty. But, uniform with the rest of him, his is. What he lacks in length he makes up for generously in girth. His cock is chubby and blushing, and, yes, pretty. God, so pretty.

Yes, you'll let him face-fuck you.

The tinkle of Jimin's earrings disrupt your awed silence. He projects impatience: Chewed lips, raised eyebrows, a slight, inquisitive tilt to his head. "This your first time or something?" Magenta falls across his eyes as his focus slips down his own body. He cages his cock inside a delicate fist, nurturing it to its full, thickened capacity. As it grows, so does his filthy smile. "You don't need to lie to me. I can go easy on you."

"This isn't my first time." Your resentment is palpable. Apparently, he enjoys it. As he pumps himself harder, his tongue probes disrespectfully at the corner of his upturned mouth. That only inflames you. "Is it your first time? Are all the rumours false?" Your comeback is risky, but the mood suggests banter is welcome. Perhaps all this big, bad wolf wants is a little, red-faced riding hood to provoke him.

The dare pays off. With one last, long stroke, he lets loose his erection, the concrete appendage slapping his stomach with an admirable thud. Resting back on one hand, he gestures to his waiting cock with the other. "Totally. I'm a good boy, ____. Now stop talking and fucking spit on it."

Your clit jumps. As do you, right into action. With your palms canvassing his inner thighs, you take one last, unenlightened breath before you dive face-first into his musk, pulling aside his cock to nuzzle at its base. To fully savour his scent and warmth. Jimin fills your hand to the extent you're unable to form anything close to a closed fist. Your thoughts are possessed only by your imagination and how wide he could stretch you. How full he could make you. A fucking stampede thuds through your pussy.  "Mm, you have such a nice cock," you murmur around the root of him. It's not so much meant as a compliment, but a statement of pure fact that must be expressed. You're sure he's heard such professions many times.

Yep. "I know, sweetheart." The timbre of his voice is a little heavier. Breathier. As your tongue flicks lazily under the round of his balls, it quivers, too. Nevertheless, he maintains his stoicism. "Why you teasing me down there? You know what I want."

When you pull one of his testicles into your mouth, however, he emits a quiet noise. One that sounds a little like it's something he wants. "Yes, daddy," you mouth around him, full irony. Jimin reacts to it, though. Pushes into your slack grip, looking for friction you're not about to give. It's almost enough to make you roll your eyes. Still, you don't know where the limit to his patience lies. And so you relent and pull your mouth upwards, dragging his sac with your reluctant lips. Jimin tenses when finally you free him, wet, sticky, and back to hanging. And then you're ascending his fat, veiny shaft, lathering the underside with your tongue. Ekeing from him the most delicious gasps of air. His hands go back into your hair, though with far less care this time, grasping at your roots as though to earth him.

"Yeah, that's it, ____. Keep going." Jimin's encouragement is sweeter to the ears than any lauded music. And so is the stifled whine that streams from him when you glaze the tip of his cock with saliva, enough to dribble down its entire length. Once he’s sufficiently spat on, you follow with your mouth. Fuck, it’s a strain to accommodate him. A feat not to scrape him with your teeth. He's so thick you must look vulgar stuffing him between your lips like this. A wayward glance tells you he's enjoying the lewd visual, though. His mouth is parted and breath puffs quickly from him. His eyes, normally sharp with wit, are dull. Fully blown. Jimin devours the sight of your struggle, as you do his uncomfortably chubby dick. His nails imprint crescents of self-restraint into the skin of your scalp. "F-Fuck. Yeah. Suck me."

You do. More fervently than you have any mouth-watering candy. Your lips work the head of his cock with measured pressure, back-and-forth, to the tune of his increasingly whiny vocalisations. Instinct takes him, sometimes, and he jerks without thought into you. Your teeth graze him, then, but it seems like an ineffective deterrence. No, sometimes he moans when you catch him, and for that you reward him with tongue on his frenulum.

That gets him the most.

His thighs ripple, his back bends. His head of magenta hair falls back.

"You—mmmmh—like that?" is your an attempt at a taunt, dulled by the cock wedged in your cheek.

"You suck dick like a fucking slut." Jimin is panting now, a sheen of perspiration oiling his face. Fuck, he looks dewy and downright dirty. The crotch of your panties is saturated with want for him. "You pretend you're all innocent and shit, but, Jesus, you're a dirty bitch."

With an enthusiastic flex of his thighs, he struggles free from the jeans binding him and props up a foot, knee bent and accentuating just how shapely his calves are. Spread like this, he's sordid. Wanton. He's getting desperate, and, against all expectations, unafraid to show it. Men with his level of machismo are typically reserved. It turns you on, dials you into overdrive, just how unabashed his enjoyment is. "Deeper. Can you take it deeper, ____? P-Please," Jimin whimpers on cue, resolve thready.

Briefly, you alight from his cock. He whimpers about that, too. This man is the terror of your college campus. And now he’s a needy, sex-swollen mess. "Depends. Can I edge you?" You're actually decently sober at this point, but bravado still brews in you nevertheless.

Jimin, no longer basking, purses his lips. Glares with the fury of a thousand blue-balled men. "Don't you fucking dare. Try it and I'll take over. I’ll come all over your smug little face."

The threat, in actuality, is more a solemn hope of yours. "Okay, okay. I won't edge you." Your hands keep busy while your overtaxed mouth relishes its moment of emptiness. You funnel your energy, instead, into keeping his cock stiff, five fingers twisting along its lubed-up length. With the other hand, you return to your earlier fixation and palm tenderly at his distended balls. A delicate quivering radiates from his core muscles. "But I really wouldn't mind you coming all over my face."

Everything about him tenses, then releases. His eyelids, low, bear the weight of arousal. "For real?"

"Might as well, my knees are already gross. You can get me dirtier if you like, Jimin." And then you're pulling down the straps of your dress until your breasts spill out, already pebbled and desperate for a fondling they won't get tonight. "Or here. Or everywhere. Just go to town."

Jimin gulps down stuffy, humid air. Concentrates a little too hard on your uncovered tits. Rocks a little too enthusiastically into your undulating grip. "God, yeah. I wanna come all over you. Spit in your fucking mouth." Suddenly it's not just your sole fist grasping him. He's clutching you, clutching him. Squeezing your knuckles until they're white and his cock is very, very red. "I'll bend you over the bathtub and fuck you 'til I break your hips. 'Til your pussy's dripping cum."

“Jesus—”

You’re so luststruck by his vulgar fantasies that it’s almost too late when you come to your senses. Jimin fucks your hands so ferociously it’s clear that the beast has taken him. You snatch away your hands before he wastes himself all over them. His come away, too, hovering in the air and demanding answers.

"Okay, well you just edged yourself." A giggle slips out while you watch him heave breath like he's nearing death. In a way, it's cute. Jimin's cheeks are full and flushed, eyes rounder than moons. He himself seems taken aback by his lapse into unadultered lust. "Don't take away the only reason I came here."

Despite Jimin's earlier, emphatic disapproval of being edged, he sure seems appreciative now. He basks in the near-rush, mellower than before. Gently - perhaps affectionately? - he cradles the back of your head and draws you in, a thumb pressing caresses to your cheek. This sudden sweetness, it's abnormal. Harmful. You don't want it. You don't want to see his good side, nor fall for it.

But here he comes, eyes searching, lips begging.

"Then deepthroat me like I asked."

Nevermind.

The pompous smirk is back. He reclines, his one leg up like an ode to Michaelangelo, dick tall and looking just as self-important. You're decided. It's time to make him squeal. "Okay. No edging. But let me make it feel even better?"

Jimin drips scepticism. "How?"

Fully anticipating rejection, you're direct. "Lemme stick a finger up your ass."

Again, he surprises you. Insomuch that revulsion doesn’t immediately sour him. "The fuck?" A husky chuckle rattles in his chest, instead. "Is that your secret technique?"

"Kinda." Your shoulders draw inward as self-consciousness consumes you. "I totally get it if you don't want to. But the other guys I've been with enjoyed it."

"Then do it, whatever. Don't let me go soft, though, ____," Jimin warns with pouty lips. His cock leans demonstratively forward, threatening flaccidity. "I'm feeling neglected."

"Tragic," you coo, feigning empathy. Looking as petulant as he, you suckle softly around the head of his dick, enkindling his passion before it fades. Your tongue does work around its bulbous ridge, teasing where it makes him squirm most. Then, with his demands in mind, your mouth descends over his modest stretch of shaft, worshipping each, precious inch as you go.

“Yes, baby. That’s it, that’s it.”

You dip and rise, tug and suck in a tantalising advance toward his base, wringing the precum from him. It's salty and sticky and you love it on your tongue, love smearing him with his own mess. Want to smear him with your mess.

“Fuck, yeah. K-Keep—unh!—going!”

The more of him you gobble, the more erratic his body behaves. Beneath your hands, his sweat-tacked thighs are tremulous, tensing without rhyme or reason. Jimin has little control over  any of his extremities. His hands are uncomfortable fists in the back of your hair, like he's reining in a wilful mare. And then there's his beautiful, unstopped moaning, so sinful your clit thumps like a bass drum between your legs. You moan, too, slurping the end of his leaking cock to the back of your throat so he can better feel it. The reverberations must reach him, because Jimin bucks, then, wildly enough to trigger a gag. "Ugh, y-yes, fuck!"

You can't so much as master Savasana in yoga, but what you are adept at is gag control. And though you cough a little, slaver a little, nothing but sudden death will stop you now. Nose-deep in Jimin’s considerately trimmed pubic hair, you trap him momentarily there, the whole of his cock nestled deep in your throat's constraints.

Jimin looks half-way gone. His hands hover above your shoulders, fingers curling and twitching peculiarly, like he’s about to astral project. Indeed, all you can see through the sliver in his lightly-closed lids is the white of his eyes. Every so often Jimin rolls his pelvis towards you, but you stymy his attempts to face-fuck you until you're ready to see him over the finish line. Grasping his hips, your thumbs take the liberty of feeling the lines of his obliques, and, God, you've never hated an item of clothing more than the t-shirt he's wearing.

"More," he splutters, then, swivelling against your hold like he's compelled. "More, give me more. I'm so close, I—I wanna fucking drown you in cum—" an ungodly groan bursts forth as he whips himself into a frenzy of his own making— "Fuck, you suck cock so good—so good, baby."

Of all things, baby is what heats your cheeks. The endearment feels like long-coveted validation. "Bear with me," is what you try to communicate, but considering the weight of his cock is pinning your tongue, it comes out garbled. Jimin doesn't even notice, so rapt is he in your mouth's luxury. Occasionally, he rewards your efforts with globs of pre-ejaculate that slide smooth down your throat.

Not wanting to interrupt his well-earned crawl to orgasm, you bob on his cock hands-free, employing them instead to locate one of the condoms populating your purse. Keeping pace is difficult enough that it's not long before Jimin, unsteady on his perch, growls in caution.

"Don't you dare fucking stop," he grunts through gritted teeth, scrutinising your every, unrelated move. When he sees what it was you sought, the growl becomes a snarl. The disdain his eyes convey is almost comical. "Don't make me come in that. I'm not coming in that," he snorts, placated momentarily by your refocused efforts on his plump little dick. As you tear open the wrapper, you tongue his cock hole like a striking snake. "Oh, sh-shit!—H-Hey, if you don't want me to come on you I won't, but—"

Slobber splatters the towel in your haste to cut him off. "It's not for you."

Rather than court more questions, you demonstrate. Hastily, you unroll the condom over your longest finger. Then, with his unerring attention, you squat back on your heels and hike up your dress, allowing him a view onto your panty-wrapped cunt. Jimin doesn't even notice that your mouth is gone from him while he’s leching. It’s just long enough an opportunity to dip your rubber-sheathed digit deep into the wetness of your pussy. He makes noises as you do, quiet ones, ones that stress how much he wants to be inside it. When you withdraw, your lips lock back onto him, kissing his cock where it's most swollen and sensitive. "Try and relax, okay? It'll feel good quicker if you do," you offer in advice, your cunt-slick finger bypassing his balls and slithering along his perineum. Already he's reacting, even from this slight, external stimulation.

"I'm relaxed as fuck," Jimin puffs defiantly, despite his initial recoil. "Show me what you're all about, ____."

"Alright then." Ever so carefully, you wheedle the tip of your finger past his asshole, stopping when his body tells you to. "Jimin, if you can’t handle it—"

They're unextraordinary words, but, apparently, the magic ones. Immediately he loosens around you. "I can. Shut up."

You do. By engulfing his erection without warning. Drawing on it like you would a drinking straw, enough to fluster him into distraction. The result is an easy, sailing entry into his ass, right up to your knuckle. It's not difficult to locate his prostate from there, as deliciously swollen as it is. With a cursory couple of taps, Jimin's body responds in new, mesmerizing ways.

"W-What the fuck—ah!" he cries through his confusion, the unfamiliar feeling prying his eyes wide. Jimin can only watch, overwhelmed, as you manipulate him from within, his back arching clean from the cistern. He's suspended by sensation, a wobbling tension keeping him upright. As you slurp mercilessly at his cock, you fix him with a look. Jimin's not there to receive it, though. His expression says his brain short-circuited the moment you started stroking him internally. And then, with a choked gasp, he returns to the corporeal, yanking at your hair like a man possessed. Only, he's pulling you away. "Stop, oh fuck, I'm gonna piss in your mouth." Distress and arousal fight for his features. The latter is winning, if the stutter of his hips is anything to go by. He's caught between two worlds of pleasure; bookended by penetration and your softly nursing mouth. All he can do is thrust from one to the other.

You come away with his hands, just briefly. Kitten-lick his purpling cockhead. "It's okay. You won't pee, it's meant to feel like that. Just go with it, unless you don't like it."

The blush dusting his cheeks deepens. You can't imagine it's because he's embarrassed, but for a moment he looks vulnerable. Human. Beautiful. Your heart trips. "Whatever," he attempts nonchalance, but his needy fragility is fooling no-one. "I like it, so don't stop. As long as you're sure i won't piss in your mouth. I mean, I don't care if I do, but you might—ungh!"

Swallowing a man's cock is as good as gagging them. Jimin falls quieter than night when you welcome him back into your warmth, working his shaft as well as your aching jaw will allow. Your tongue, too, is tiring, and yet you only twist around him all the more ravenously. It's not just his body that’s contorting when you pound at his prostate, now. His mouth hangs open unchecked, all thought for appearances gone. Within, his tongue writhes, articulating nothing but bodiless sounds.

You rub harder. Suck harder. More insistent. Jimin's eyebrows knit so tightly his nose crinkles. And when he does, a flood of runny, salty liquid squirts into your mouth, catching you off guard and in-between breaths. It's a wonder you don't drown when it keeps coming, this thin, bountiful expulsion. "F-Fuck, God—what is that—" he whines between milkings. As it seeps from your stuffed mouth, Jimin is enraptured. With his focus on you, you regurgitate it noisily over his cock, dousing him in his own fluids. "Fuck, i-it feels so good. I want more." His hands are either side of your face, fingers at your temples, palms pressuring your cheeks. "More." With a grunt, he hoists his previously dangling leg onto the toilet seat with the other. He squats, open and obscene, the picture of aroused anguish. "More. Harder," he jerks, marionette-like, to fuck himself on your finger, to propel his cock further down your throat. You're prepared for this onslaught now, mouth wide and tongue laying dormant as he rams his tip to your tonsils. Each thrust pushes more of his leakage from your mouth until you're drooling like a starving dog. And he's transfixed by it, teeth grinding, gripped by a terrifying hunger. "Fuck. Take it, take me, oh, shit—t-ta—"  

Nothing much else comes from Jimin but discharge, his face contorting as his body does, locked and straining. The motion of his hips slows until it ceases. There, he floats, with unseeing eyes, his orgasm approaching in an unavoidable swell. The throbbing that radiates from his buried cock is the final tell you chance before you cough him from your mouth, kneeling tall before him, breasts and face a blank canvas. You don't push him that last step so much as hammer him, battering his prostate until his mouth twists in devastation. Jimin's eyes are so wide it's like you're fucking the fear of God into him. He rises from his squat, millimetre by millimetre, as you slap your palm to his taint; his bloated balls. "C-Coming, I'm coming—" is all he can rasp as his soul departs and streaks your face once, twice—your eyelids fall closed as thick, viscous white weights down your lashes. Robbed of your sight, his groans hit louder, deeper. They resonate with agony, almost. And still he paints you, your throat, your neglected tits. "Oh my God, I—"

“That’s it, Jimin. Empty yourself on me.”

As the deluge dies away, you wipe your eyes free of cum and slide yourself from his spasming asshole. You expect to see him sat there, clutching his softening cock, but instead he’s sat back, hands-free and seeing constellations on the ceiling. "You came without touching your dick? Damn. That's restraint," you chuckle, your mouth feeling oddly loose. Too big. Too empty. When Jimin doesn't respond: "You okay?"

He stirs briefly from catatonia, though he continues to stare spaceward. "I'm good. I'm good. I think." A laugh comes out, but it's like he's forgotten what they should sound like. "Well, that was fucking awesome." A few, dumbstruck seconds later, Jimin returns to earth with a shaky sigh and that damn smirk. Finally, he looks at you. "Whoa. I got you messy as fuck."

A deadpan blink is all you can spare him when most of your body is protesting some type of pain. Your jaw, particularly, feels unhinged. "Yeah. You didn't notice that before?" You slip the latex from your finger and lob it at the trashcan. You miss.

"I did, but I was, like, coming my brains out. I didn't know what the fuck I was seeing, other than it was good." With an unsteady hand, he flattens back his soaked bangs and stares at you, eyelids heavy. His cheeks are stained pink with exertion. "You look so hot like that. Fuck." And though his body must be leaden after satiation, he pulls you up to your knees, until your torsos nearly touch. Stops just short of smearing himself with his own ejaculate. Instead, he cups one of your soiled breasts with a small, soft hand, thumbing his cum across the nipple. Being touched here, now, after such deprivation, it's like a kiss of life to your cunt. It roars back to life with a bitter vengeance. But Jimin remains modest in his touches. Doesn't stray much from your one, sticky breast. No, he's more focused on you. Your face. Studying all there is to know about its shapes. And he's inscrutable as he does it. It makes you nervous. "Well." It's scarcely more than a whisper. "Thank you," he mumbles, soft and awkward, like he's never before expressed appreciation for anything. And then he kisses you again, though it feels like it's for the first time. It's slow, intimate, with lazy tongue and spent breaths in between. It makes your heart race for several, terrifying reasons. You break apart, then. "Can I do anything for you?"

"N-No, that's okay." The proposition is unexpected. And with the way you're feeling, dangerous. "I got what I came for. I had fun. Thank you, too." You rise to standing, weathering the crack of your joints as you go. "I'll just clean up quickly."

Jimin is already towelling down his own, comparatively unscathed body. He stands, too, though with far more grace. As he feeds himself back into his too-tight jeans, he extends the towel to you. "If you're sure." A tinge of something colours his tone. Disappointment? "Maybe next time."

Next time?

Jimin's semen begins to crust on your chin. The towel twists in your hands. "What?"

There's an indifference to his body language that doesn’t quite ring true. He shrugs on his jacket. "Yeah. Next time, right?"

For several seconds you both stand there, locked in an unsaid exchange. The air is pregnant with meaning.

The door flies open.

"There you are!" In Jungkook strolls, bleary-eyed and with no clear bearing on his surroundings. "Someone said they saw you come in here." His gaze is hazy as it lands on you and your poorly shielded tits. And then it’s on your face again, where Jimin's spunk is heaviest. "Holy shit."

What feels like a century of shame passes, but it's no more than a microsecond before Jimin is slamming the point of his boot into Jungkook's abdomen. "Get the fuck out!" He bellows, octaves deeper than all this past half hour. Masculinity oozes from his squared shoulders and jutted jaw. The hardness is in his eyes, too. They're like steel as they cut Jungkook down, unchanging even as the younger man claws at his gut and stumbles back. "Don't fucking barge in on me again. This ain’t for you to see."

"I-I'm sorry, 'min-hyung." Jungkook slurs his words past comprehension. "C-Call me wh-when yuh wha-wanna split."

Jimin folds his arms. Tucks balled fists inside. "Yeah, now go."

Unfortunately for Jungkook, the gang-leader catches that last, errant look at your naked breasts. And for that he is rewarded with another swift kick; to his retreating backside, this time. Though you can't see him behind the door, you hear the impact of his fall to all-fours and grimace. Jimin's line of sight tracks low. Jungkook must be crawling away. "Go and sober up, you stupid piece of shit. We're going soon."

The door slots back into its frame. Jimin lingers there a little longer than necessary, his head bowed to the panelling. "Uh." Again, he's different. Transformed. Someone more timid stands in Jimin's place. Ruffles the back of his well-tousled hair. "Sorry. He's a dipshit."

"It's okay," you laugh. You have to, because the entire scenario is astounding. "You didn't have to kick him, though. Twice."

Arms criss-crossing his chest, Jimin watches as you wipe away his residue. For some reason, you’re more self-conscious now than when he put it there. "He deserved it. He's an idiot. Idiots don't learn unless you kick them in the ass. I didn't kick him in the balls, at least. And for that, he should be thanking me."

Clearly, your views on appropriate punishment diverge. Jimin inhabits a different world to yours. It's unnerving. And a little exciting, even though it shouldn’t be. "I'll defer to your judgment in his case." Your straps come up and over your shoulders. On inspection, suspicious white stains dot your dress despite your attempts to prevent that. Hopefully everyone is so smashed by this point that they can’t distinguish it from any of their other surroundings. "Okay, I'm gonna go. My dorm's just across from this one."

"I'll walk you. It's not safe." There's a certainty to Jimin's words that speaks of his experience. Ironically, it's probably safer out there while he's tied up in here. "Lots of scumbags out there that will target girls who are alone."

Fully covered, now, you clutch your purse in front of the worst of the splattering. You want to say something, so you do. You feel like you've earned it. "Not you?"

So self-assured, Jimin is. For a moment, though, he isn't. His smile flickers. "Never. I'm not about that. And I'll thrash anyone who is."

The answer pleases you. Diminishes his other activities somewhat. Somewhat. Just enough that you can go home and fuck yourself into a guiltless coma. "Okay. Well, it was fun. Don't worry about walking me. It's literally just across from here and there are still people around. I gotta find my friend first, anyway.”

Another shrug. Then, with the same nonchalance, he offers up his phone to you. "'Kay."

Eyes on him rather than the device, you take it from him. "What's this?" The screen displays a newly created contact. The phone number is blank. The contact name, though?

Litterbug.

It's hard to scoff at it when you love it so much. "What the hell? That's me?"

"Yeah. Gimme your number?" Jimin grins, brazen-faced. The temptation to kiss him is almost insurmountable. "I wanna see you again, litterbug."

You smile, too. Until you don't. "I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea. I didn't plan on anything past this."

If Jimin's shaken by the snub, he hides it masterfully. His smile isn't quite so burnished, though. "Neither did I, but then this happened, and I want it to happen again, ____. Let me show you just what I can do for you."

God, it's tempting. A bite of that apple is worth being cast from Eden. But your heart is weak and liable to entwine far too easily. And he's not the type of man that should occupy space outside of your depraved fantasies. "How many girls with cute pseudonyms do you have on there?" you deflect, knowing well the answer. Hearing it might temper your hopes somewhat.

"I don't give out my actual number to anyone." Jimin doesn't miss a beat of breath. "Only those that matter to me. Or might do," he adds, quieter, losing his bullishness altogether. "But, do what you want." His palm lays flat in expectation of receiving his phone back empty, but you hesitate. Look down at the vacant space. You could fill that.

You want to.

"Okay, there I am." With a flourish of thumbs and a final tap, your name is input and the contract sealed.

The Devil smiles. "Cool." His fingers linger on yours when you return the device. They're soft like charmeuse, and just as expensive. Because this will cost you everything, you're sure. "Can I see you tomorrow? So you can explain to me exactly what it is you just did to my ass?"

Tomorrow? Jimin’s keen. And you’re smiling again. “Sure. I’ll give you a practical demonstration.”

[a-littlebitof-nonsense]

Ok so but I just found out I’m demisexual today (after a ton of research and overthinking), and I want to share my story for anyone who relates but doesn’t understand yet. Also it’s like 2:30am rn so if this is not written well, sorry not sorry :)

Basically, I never understood celebrity crushes when I was younger, and at some point I was like “well it’s not normal for me at this age to not have celebrity crushes” so I subconsciously forced them on myself. I redefined the word “hot” to mean “aesthetically pleasing” in my head without even realizing it. I’ve also only ever developed irl crushes after having developed a bond with the person. I, again subconsciously because I wanted to be normal, forced an irl crush on myself (I knew the person okay but not well enough to have formed a bond) and the crush pretty much just fell apart. I’m 18 and I have only ever had 2 real crushes (I have no guy friends to form a bond with ahahaha sobs).

I’m sharing this because representation matters. I only found out because a year or two ago, I found a post saying how Julian Blackthorn (a character from The Shadowhunter Chronicals) is demisexual and I was like ??? what does that mean. (if you’re confused, demisexual means that someone is only sexually attracted to those they have formed a strong bond with). I didn’t understand well back then and just kept it in the back of my head. Until now.

So maybe someone will see my story and be like “that’s me! I’m not weird for not having crushes on other people like everyone else does!” This goes out to all the kids who don’t understand why having a big butt is “attractive” or why that one kid is simped over by half the grade while you’re over here in love with someone others find “unattractive” despite their kind and hilarious personality.

And idek if this lands me in the LGBTQ+ community (one of my friends says it does but I’m not quite sure, as I’m still hetero and cis and I don’t want to take up a place where I don’t belong, but I also don’t want to invalidate any other demisexuals who are completely valid!!!) but whether it does or not I will always support the community with my whole heart!!

So to anyone reading this who relates, you are valid!! You are not weird or a prude or invisible, you are you and that is the best thing you can be!