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voorice-corp · 6 months

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The Vicquisition, Translated

so, I keep going on and on about how I'm going to do a new, and revised translation of Phantom Of The G4, given that I am fluently bilingual in both Chinese and English. well, today I had the urge to translate... a certain segment of the game, both to see what I'm getting myself into, and to confirm the things I've heard it means for a certain character. that, of course, being my dearly beloved, Victor. specifically, his only appearance in POTG4 where he asks Vincent and Vanora a series of questions in order to let them pass deeper into the Myers facility.

I don't have the game itself, yet. because I abide by the rules to play VTSOM first. instead, I found a video of someone's playthrough of it - the audio is in Chinese, and not all dialogue options are covered. but in the meantime, this is quite a lot...

without further ado, my translation, notes and other commentary below the cut. Victor's lines are in red, Vincent's in purple, and Vanora's in pink.

想要我讓開很簡單。你只需要回答一些我的問題。 If you want me to make way, it’s very easy. You just need to answer some of my questions.

the player is given a yes/no prompt, and selects yes

很好。 Very good.

我們上次見面是什麼時候了，文森？ When was the last time we met, Vincent?

你以為我會記得這種事？真是自作多情。 You think that I’d remember this sort of thing? What wishful thinking. (Note: The second sentence was a bit difficult to translate bc there’s several meanings to this phrase 自作多情 (literally "self-make-many-feelings"), from being overly sentimental to self-flattery/imagining yourself as everyone’s favourite person)

是這樣嗎？ Is that so?

難道你不記得你我引以為傲的那件事了？我們那時候到達的是任何人都無比渴求的巔峰。 Could it be that you don’t remember what we were so proud of? What we had reached then was a peak everyone had been longing for.

而你卻說過，財富、知識、榮耀… And still, you have said: wealth, knowledge, glory...

player is given 3 options to finish his sentence: 是每個人都渴求的。 "… are what everyone longs for." 都毫無意義。 "… are completely and utterly meaningless." 不過是權力幾種類型。 "… are just various forms of power."

the player picks the second option

你這句話就已經背叛了來這裡的初衷了。 What you said here goes against your original intention to come here.

我隱約記得，文森·埃奇沃思從來不會後悔。 From what I vaguely remember, Vincent Edgeworth never, ever regrets.

最可怕的敵人，就是沒有堅強的信念。而能夠被輕易擊敗的人根本不配存在於這個世界上。 The scariest enemy, is to lack strong belief. And people who can be easily defeated are not worthy of existing upon this world.

he kills you with one smack of his metal hand. game over, go back to previous save…

this time the player picks the third option of above

而我們已經擁有了這些，甚至更多。 And we already had these, if not even more.

我們？別開玩笑了。 "We?" Stop joking around.

財富、知識、榮耀。沒有我哪一個你能保住？ Wealth, knowledge, glory. Without me, which one could you have kept?

沒記錯的話，你還因為此時欠在下一瓶酒。 If I’m not remembering wrong, you still owe me the next bottle of alcohol for this. (Note: In Chinese, the word they use can both specifically refer to wine, and all kinds of alchohol in general.)

一如既往的自負，你還是嗜馬丁尼如命？ Conceited as always, and still so fond of/addicted to martini like your life depends on it? (Note: Is the "addiction" literal or metaphorical? Maybe both? Truly we will never know.)

這還需要在下解釋？ Do I still have to explain this further?

的確，好的基酒對一杯馬丁尼十分重要。 Indeed, a good base spirit is essential for a martini.

3 dialogue options for the player again, all with the following structure: 所以我當然不會放過到手的頂級⋯。 "And so, of course I will always have some top tier [option below] on hand." 杜松子酒 gin (Note: Literally "juniper berry wine" which I didn’t recognise at first bc usually I see it written as 琴酒 which reflects it phonetically) 白蘭地 brandy 伏特加 vodka

the player picks the third option

伏特加？你以為自己是在調製什麼？ Vodka? Just what do you think you are mixing here?

player gets two options to answer him with: 一杯血腥瑪麗。 A Bloody Mary. 一杯激情海岸。 A "Passion Coast". (Note: I've done some rudimentary research on cocktails, but have never heard of something with a name like this. If anyone knows what this is, I'd appreciate the help. EDIT: a friend of mine on discord has informed me that it's most likely referring to the cocktail called Sex On The Beach)

player picks first option

血腥瑪麗？人道，「惟有經歷諸多苦難才能懂的苦難賦予你的意義」。 Bloody Mary? People say, "only by experiencing much suffering can you understand the meaning the suffering bestowed upon you."

虛假的苦難，虛假的血腥。這和你的過去比起來算什麼？ False suffering, false blood. How does this even compare to your past?

我親愛的文森，你都已經忘記了你所承受的一切嗎？那你的存在就沒有意義了嗎？ My dear Vincent, have you forgotten all that you’ve had to go through? And now your existence no longer has meaning?

he kills you, game over, go back to previous save

player picks vodka again and then second option of above

激情海岸？一向只喜歡乾身酒的你，怎麼可能喝這些果汁飲品呢。 Passion Coast? You’ve always only liked dry cocktails, how could you drink this kind of fruity/juice based beverage?

and again, he kills you. bro, stop judging people's taste in drinks 😭

player picks gin for the original question

這個自然。等我們從這個鬼地方出去，我給你便是。 Naturally. Once we get out of this damn/accursed place, I’ll give you some.

慢著，那件事指的是什麼？ Wait a second, what do you mean by "that thing/event/incident" ? (Note: I take it she’s referring to the above "what we were so proud of" thing)

薇諾拉，「好奇心是大腦貪求的慾望」。慾念太強對身體可不好呢。 Vanora, curiosity is a desire the brain craves. And to desire for it too strongly is not good for the body.

看來你的這位同伴想知道的格外多呢。 Looks like this companion of yours knows quite a lot.

作為一名律師，我能做的僅僅只能讓人摒棄自己的信仰罷了。她的好奇心與我無關。 As a lawyer, all I can do is make people abandon their own beliefs. Her curiosity has nothing to do with me.

沒想到你也有無能為力的一天？ And you didn’t think you’d also have a day where you’d be powerless?

對方可是要以妨害執行公務的罪名將我逮捕呢，你說是吧，薇諾拉女士？ The other side/party wants to capture me for interfering with official duties. Isn’t that so, Miss/Lady Vanora?

哈哈哈。堂堂梅爾斯職業律師居然會因此害怕？ Hahaha. The dignified professional lawyer of Myers is scared of this?

再厲害也不過是一個俗人，出生起就已經被政府的一紙契約束縛著了。 No matter how mighty one is they are still a common person, already bound by a government contract at birth.

這麼說來，我突然想起你當年引用的一句話。不帶劍的契約不過是一紙空文… What you said, suddenly reminds me of something you said back then. A contract without a sword, is simply a blank paper.

player is given 3 options now, to respond: 而政府的職責，便是化身為此劍。 And the government’s duty is to manifest as this sword. 它毫無力量去保障任何人的安全。 It has absolutely no power to protect anyone’s safety. 只有突破這本不存在的枷鎖，才能真正跳出羊圈。 Only by breaking these nonexistent shackles can one truly jump out of the sheepfold.

player picks the third option

跳出羊圈？真是荒謬。 "Jump out of the sheepfold?" How ridiculous.

有一些人的存在，是註定不能被救贖的。 Some people’s existences are doomed to never be redeemed.

and again he kills you, because dragon cult ahh belief

player picks the first option

…真是有趣的答案。 … what an interesting/funny answer. (Note: Yes, in Chinese we use the same word for both of these)

不過我倒還記得一句話，地獄是太晚發覺的真相。那麼恭喜你獲得一張免費的地獄門票。 However, this reminds me of another saying, "hell is a truth/reality discovered too late." And so, congratulations on earning a free ticket to hell.

this time he isn't just killing you, he's SLAYING because holy shit if that isn't badass I don't know what is

player picks the remaining second option

話雖如此，你可是從來沒有怕過。 You say this, but you’ve never been afraid of it before.

我們都是遊走在劍鋒的人，這一點你沒資格說我。 We’re all people who walk on the point of a sword, you have no right to tell me this.

那你回到此地是為了什麼？ Then why did you come back to this place?

and again, 3 dialogue options for the player 任何東西都有一種特有的功能，某種工作或許只有它能做。 Everything has a unique function, and there are some jobs that only it can do. 無論這個漩渦有多令人絕望，我總是要走這一遭的。 No matter how hopeless this whirlpool/spiral/vortex will make me, I was always going to walk this path. 在下解釋過了是受人所迫。 I’ve explained that I was forced to do this.

player picks the third option

受人所迫？ "Forced?"

文森，任何人用這個藉口我都會半信半疑一下。至於你，我是絕對不會信的。 Vincent, everyone who uses this excuse, I will doubt (literally, "half-believe-half-suspect") for a moment. And in your case, I would never believe it.

and he kills you. we are so close to the end, yet so far…

player picks the first option, which becomes slightly modified for Vincent to say

任何東西都有一屬於它自己的功能。某種工作或許只有它能做，甚至比其他人更好。 Everything has its own function. There are some jobs that only it can do, sometimes better than other people, even.

真正的贏家只會讓這件東西為他所用，並讓他物超所值。弱肉強食，我只是不想看庸人螳臂擋車罷了。 True winners will only use this thing for their own ends, and give it an excellent value. The weak are meat and the strong eat, I just don’t want to see mediocre people biting off more than they can chew. (Note: The phrase they used here, 螳臂擋車, literally translates to "a mantis using its arm to block a cart", meaning to underestimate what you’re taking on)

所以，請問你問完了嗎？你已經浪費了我太多的時間了。 So, may I please ask if you’re done asking? You’ve already wasted far too much of my time.

確實。你做的很好，文森。我想，我也沒什麼好多說的了。 Indeed. You did very well, Vincent. I think I don’t have anything more to say either.

he moves out of Vincent and Vanora’s way

那就祝你們好運了。 Then I wish you two good luck.

#voorice translation #phantom of the g4 #potg4 #victor blake #vincent edgeworth #vanora

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ruvviks · 1 year

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– OCS (+SHIPS) AS TAROT PAIRS.

TAGGED BY: @adelaidedrubman, @shellibisshe & @devilbrakers, thank you so much!! TAGGING: @reaperkiller, @envergothash, @twinwitchbolt, @bialanwake, @katsigian, @dickytwister, @dameayliins, @swordcoasts, @moonmothers, @baldursgate2 and YOU! – quiz / leon, luci and seb belong to @reaperkiller!

– AUBREY (+ LEON): THE TWO OF CUPS + THE STAR.

your romance is a wish granted. finally, finally, they're here. finally, it's here! the time where you don't have to feel lonely anymore - you'll never feel that way ever again. laughter, joy, sweetness, kisses - be at ease. all of these are things you have found someone to share with. your love is a dreamy fantasy of love and devotion and miracles. at first, your chest gets too tight when they're around - until they become as natural as the air in your lungs. deck: ethereal visions tarot.

director's commentary: aubrey has been searching for a place to belong for most of his life and meeting leon IS very much like a dream come true. the two are inseparable from the moment they meet and would follow each other to the ends of the world if necessary

– CASSIDY (+ SEB): THE TOWER + THE LOVERS.

meeting this person shook your whole world. crumbling down is everything you thought you knew about life and love. their warmth, their generosity, their naivete, their knowing…! you don't know how anything made sense before them. all you know is that nothing will make sense afterwards. deck: the tarot of the divine by yoshi yoshitani.

director's commentary: cassidy was supposed to kill seb for a contract but instead ended up working together with him and growing so much closer with him over the years until they end up together and this result reflects that perfectly. the way cassidy used to be entirely on autopilot and meeting seb caused it all to stop and now he can finally feel alive again

– KAIDA (+ HANAN + SEB): THE DEVIL + THE EMPEROR.

there's only one religion for the two of you, and that religion is the other. you two are very nearly unhealthily obsessed with one another, and that's just how you like it. when they touch you, they can feel the blood pumping under the surface of your skin. your hearts beat for one another. when the day comes that one stops, the other will soon after. until then, you both will live out your lives in perfect, gothy paradise. deck: the tarot of vampyres.

director's commentary: this is specifically for kaida, hanan and seb when they were still at arasaka and it perfectly describes specifically kaida's hunger for power and how xe saw a perfect future for xemself with hanan and seb by xyr side, and also how it influenced the other two- seb badly at that. near the end of it they wanted to run away together, but after seb's disappearance they never managed to make it that far

– REID (+ LUCI): ACE OF CUPS + TEN OF CUPS.

your romance is the love story that seems only possible in movies. it starts from a youthful first meeting, innocent. and from what may seem like a lifetime later, you both end up happily in union, perhaps even married! your coupling is the epitome of emotional fulfillment and devotion. neither of you thought you'd end up here, but damn if you aren't glad you did. deck: thelema tarot.

director's commentary: after reid gets his redemption arc he's not thinking about romance anymore since he thinks it's just not something for him, especially with how badly he fucked up his relationship with cassidy. and then he meets luci and it all basically turns his whole life upside down to the point he can't imagine a life without him anymore. the "lifetime later" part is not entirely accurate but given that they have a little friends with benefits era, then go back to just friends and after the horrors of the militech arc FINALLY get together at some point, it still fits LMAO

– VITALI (+ VINCENT): KNIGHT OF PENTACLES + THE MAGICIAN.

if there's something you want, you will GET IT. nothing escapes your fingertips. after all, you're the power couple. your pairing sparks pure cosmic energy. you're fiercely driven to your goals - whether that be status, fortune, or power. you're also fiercely protective of one another. with the knight's earthy energy, you both prefer to purposefully make your way towards your ambitions, rather than playing cards too early or acting too loosely. meanwhile, the magician's half makes gives you a little fire. if they get too close, onlookers and threats to your relationship may get burned. deck: modern witch tarot.

director's commentary: vitali and vincent ARE a power couple thank you very much. one of the most influential fixers in night city and the living legend of the afterlife, of course they're gonna be a little feared by some- and rightfully so. they're both very dedicated to one another and would basically burn the whole city to a crisp in order to keep the other safe, especially vitali

#tag games #ask:aubrey #ask:cassidy #ask:kaida #ask:reid #ask:vitali #insane how fitting these results are honestly

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jakedailyart · 28 days

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What is Good Art? A Journey Through the Meaning and Value of Artistic Expression

The question "What is good art?" is both simple and profoundly complex. It has been debated by artists, critics, philosophers, and everyday people for centuries. What makes a painting, a sculpture, a piece of music, or a performance "good"? Is it the technical skill of the artist, the emotional response it evokes, its social impact, or something else entirely?

To truly delve into the question of what constitutes good art, we need to explore art’s role in society, the evolution of artistic movements, the subjective nature of artistic interpretation, and the balance between technical mastery and emotional depth. This exploration allows us to grasp not only the essence of art but also the ways in which we can approach the subjective yet universal standards by which art is judged.

Art as Communication: A Universal Language

Art is often seen as a form of communication, a universal language that transcends words and cultural boundaries. In its most basic form, art expresses something that the artist wishes to convey—be it a thought, a feeling, an experience, or a social commentary. This is why a piece of art that resonates emotionally can be considered "good" by many; it connects the artist and the viewer on a deeper level, making the personal universal.

Consider the works of Vincent van Gogh. His paintings were not technically perfect by classical standards, but they are widely regarded as masterpieces. Why? Because they communicate intense emotion, they evoke a sense of wonder, melancholy, or joy that transcends the technical imperfections of his brushstrokes. The swirling skies of "Starry Night" or the quiet sadness in "The Bedroom" allow the viewer to connect with Van Gogh’s inner turmoil and passion. His art was not just about the world he saw, but how he felt the world.

Art that communicates something meaningful, art that moves us, can often be considered "good," even if it breaks traditional rules or conventions. However, this raises the question: is the communication of emotion or an idea enough to make art good? Or is there more to it?

The Role of Technique: Mastery Versus Intuition

One could argue that good art is the product of technical skill. Throughout history, many have considered mastery of a medium to be a defining feature of great art. The Renaissance is often held as the pinnacle of this philosophy, where artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo were celebrated for their meticulous attention to detail, their understanding of anatomy, and their ability to create lifelike representations of the human form.

In the Renaissance, an artist’s technical skill was seen as paramount. The ability to replicate reality with precision was a testament to the artist's genius. Michelangelo's "David" stands as a towering example of this; the sculpture is not only aesthetically stunning but also demonstrates an unparalleled mastery of form and proportion. In this context, "good art" was often synonymous with technical virtuosity.

Yet, as art movements evolved, so too did the understanding of what constituted good art. The Impressionists, for example, challenged the notion that art had to be technically perfect or realistic. Claude Monet’s paintings often sacrificed detail for atmosphere, using loose brushstrokes to evoke light, color, and mood rather than replicating the world with photographic accuracy. Critics of his time dismissed Impressionism as sloppy and incomplete, yet today, Monet's work is celebrated precisely for its emotional resonance and innovative techniques.

This shift away from technical mastery as the primary measure of good art raises an important point: while technique is essential, it is not the sole criterion for evaluating art. Some of the most emotionally impactful works, such as Picasso’s "Guernica," are powerful not because they conform to traditional standards of technical beauty, but because they convey a message that resonates on a deep, universal level.

Subjectivity in Art: Personal Taste and Cultural Context

One of the most fascinating aspects of art is that its meaning and value often lie in the eyes of the beholder. What one person considers to be a masterpiece, another may dismiss as trivial or offensive. This subjectivity makes it difficult to define good art universally. Is "good" art merely a reflection of personal taste?

Art is deeply intertwined with the cultural, historical, and personal contexts of both the artist and the viewer. Take, for instance, Jackson Pollock’s abstract expressionism. For some, his splattered paint canvases represent the height of emotional expression and artistic freedom; for others, they seem like random, meaningless chaos. This division illustrates the idea that what makes art "good" is often dependent on the context in which it is created and consumed.

Pollock’s work emerged in post-World War II America, a time of great social and psychological upheaval. His chaotic, action-based painting style reflected a desire to break free from traditional structures and constraints, mirroring the wider cultural movements of the time. In this sense, his art is "good" because it captures the spirit of its era. However, viewed outside of that context, the same work may not have the same impact.

The subjective nature of art is further complicated by trends and evolving cultural tastes. What was once considered good art can fall out of favor, and what was once dismissed as bad art can later be hailed as visionary. The Impressionists, who were once derided by critics, eventually became some of the most celebrated artists in history. Similarly, avant-garde movements like Dadaism, which sought to challenge the very definition of art, were initially ridiculed but later became critical in the development of contemporary art.

The Emotional Impact of Art: Moving the Viewer

Beyond technical skill and personal taste, one of the most significant factors in determining whether art is "good" is its emotional impact. Art has the power to move people, to evoke feelings of joy, sorrow, wonder, or contemplation. This emotional resonance is often what separates good art from merely competent art.

Consider Edvard Munch’s "The Scream," an iconic painting that captures a moment of existential dread. The distorted figure, the swirling colors, and the anguished expression combine to create a visceral emotional response in the viewer. Munch’s technical execution may not be as precise as a Renaissance master, but the painting’s ability to evoke such powerful emotion makes it an enduring piece of good art.

In this sense, good art doesn't just appeal to the mind but also to the heart. It creates an emotional connection between the artwork and the viewer, leaving a lasting impression. Art that moves us, that makes us feel something profound, can often be considered good, regardless of whether it fits neatly into traditional aesthetic categories.

Art as a Reflection of Society: The Role of Social Commentary

Another criterion for what makes art "good" is its ability to serve as a reflection of society and its values. Throughout history, many of the most celebrated works of art have not only been aesthetically pleasing or emotionally moving but also socially significant. They offer commentary on the political, economic, and cultural issues of their time.

Diego Rivera’s murals, for instance, are considered masterpieces not only because of their bold colors and monumental scale but also because they reflect the struggles and aspirations of the Mexican people. Similarly, Banksy’s street art is often praised for its clever social critique, using public spaces to comment on consumerism, war, and inequality. These works are not just visually striking; they provoke thought and challenge the status quo, making them good art in a broader, societal sense.

Art that engages with social issues has the potential to inspire change, to challenge perceptions, and to give voice to marginalized communities. In this way, good art can be a tool for activism, helping to shape and reflect the culture in which it is created.

The Evolution of "Good" Art: From Traditional to Contemporary

The definition of good art has evolved over time, influenced by changes in society, technology, and artistic movements. In ancient times, good art was often defined by its religious or ceremonial function, as seen in the intricate carvings of ancient Egypt or the grandiose frescoes of the Sistine Chapel.

During the Enlightenment, art became more focused on reason, beauty, and symmetry, as exemplified by the neoclassical movement. In the 19th century, Romanticism shifted the focus to emotion and the sublime, while modernism in the 20th century challenged all previously established norms, embracing abstraction, surrealism, and even anti-art movements like Dadaism.

Today, the boundaries of what can be considered good art have expanded even further. Contemporary art often challenges traditional notions of form, beauty, and function. Installations, performance art, digital art, and conceptual art push the limits of what art can be. In this context, "good" art may not necessarily be something that is beautiful or technically proficient; instead, it could be something that provokes thought, challenges the viewer, or breaks new ground.

Conclusion: The Inherent Subjectivity of "Good" Art

In the end, the question of what is good art may not have a definitive answer, and perhaps that is part of the beauty of art itself. It is an inherently subjective and evolving concept, influenced by individual tastes, cultural context, emotional resonance, technical skill, and societal impact.

Good art, then, may be seen as art that successfully communicates—whether through emotion, beauty, social commentary, or technical mastery. It is art that resonates with the viewer, creating a connection that transcends the surface and reaches into something deeper. As society and culture continue to evolve, so too will our understanding of what constitutes good art, ensuring that the debate remains as vibrant and dynamic as art itself.

#art

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inoankin · 2 years

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Old Style, New Hands (scrapped)

finally. here it is. this dinosaur of a WIP, finally out in the world.

fair warning, i started writing this in DECEMBER and stopped a few chapters into DCSH, and i was still figuring out what worked and didn’t when writing. so it’s not the best writing, but i also had a lot more time to develop this thing, so it kind of balances out into pretty ok.

i changed nothing from the original, even the shitty title (sorry), despite every bone in my body telling me to fix the dozens of mistakes.

and yeah i’m about as pissed as you are that i stopped writing RIGHT when it was getting good. but i’ve lost all my steam for this, so there’s nothing i can do. sorry. anyways enjoy.

_____________________

There’s a ringing in Vincent’s ears, for just a moment. It’s quickly drowned out by the faint drone of the engine and a quiet commentary from the radio.

He feels his forehead against the glass of the car door window he’s found himself slumped against. He goes to remove it, but is stopped by a sharp pain in his neck, letting out a small groan. He hates sleeping in cars.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Vince,” Someone says off to his left, and it takes him a few seconds to register that it’s Leo saying it. Despite his body’s many protests, he shifts and sits up, a hand coming up to rub at the crick in his neck.

His eyes slowly blink open to a curtain of brown, and he brushes aside his bangs with his other hand, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“God, how long was I out?” He mutters, voice hoarse from sleep. He squints at the watch on his wrist. The tired blur of his still adjusting eyes combined with the low light make it impossible to read.

It’s night, he realizes. Glancing out the windshield, Vincent sees the yellow of the deadbeat headlights flicker every now and then, the only source of light for miles. The moon is shaded by clouds, though there’s still a faint spotlight on the grey sky that reveals it.

They’ve lost track of how long they’ve been on the road. At least, Vincent has. He gave up the driver’s seat after he momentarily fell asleep at the wheel, and Leo screamed so loud that they almost crashed.

“Three or four hours, I think. I was gonna stop to get some gas soon,”

His hair falls into his eyes when he finally peers to the driver’s seat. Leo’s focus is on the road, but he catches Vincent’s gaze for a moment and smiles softly.

There’s something unconditionally trusting, caring in his smile. Something so unguarded and vulnerable, that two weeks ago would never be there. He doesn’t know what he does to deserve it, but he allows himself to marvel.

He brings his hand up to sweep his hair away again, or maybe just to hide his face. He isn’t sure he’s lucid enough to school his expression to something more professional.

Vincent scratches absentmindedly at his, frankly, rather itchy goatee. He had it done professionally the day before he got shipped off to prison, and he hadn’t been able to replicate the immaculate work of the barber. He’s starting to wish he had just stuck with the moustache.

Leo, on the other hand, had no problem keeping his hair pristine, despite the harsh conditions of the penitentiary. Where he got the product, he’ll never know. His hair is also getting longer, though. Only an inch or so from his collar.

He sort of likes Leo with longer hair. There’s no gel on the road, and his signature pompadour has started to curl the longer it gets. He, for not the first time today, battles the urge to run his hands through it. To drag him down and kiss him, kiss him until he’s a breathless, desperate mess, kiss him until he’s forgotten his own name.

“You alright over there, mister dark and brooding?” The warmth in Leo’s voice cracks through Vincent’s thoughts, and Leo’s looking at him with that damn smile again. He keeps his eyes on the road, hoping that alone is enough to keep the younger man from seeing the heat on his face.

“Yeah, sorry. Just, uh, thinking,” He says, not even really believing himself when he says it.

“Uh-huh, right,” Leo says, perking up at something in the near distance. Following his gaze, he sees a small town, probably not much bigger than a few acres. How they found one in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, he’ll never know.

“Care to share?”

He shrugs, trying not to linger on every lazy syllable that slips past Leo’s lips, “I just think I need a haircut,”

Leo glances at him, seemingly surprised, “Oh, yeah? Shit, man, you shoulda said somethin’. I mean, I’m not as good as Linda, but I can fix it up in, maybe forty, fifty minutes,” He says, preparing to roll into a gas station without flicking on his turn signal.

Vincent blinks. He didn’t know Leo could cut hair. He didn’t know Linda could cut hair, either.

“Uh, no, that’s fine. Just complaining. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept,”

That earns him a light punch to the arm and a chuckle, “No, I’m serious. Go get some scissors and clippers from the pharmacy over there,” Leo leans over and points past the fuel pumps to a CVS sitting about 100 feet away, “We’ll find a motel, and I’ll make you look good for a change,”

Ignoring the tease, he shakes his head. “Really, I’m good, Leo,”

He huffs, “Fine. At least go in and get me some food or somethin’, then. I’m starving,”

Vincent walks into the pharmacy with only one goal in mind. Food. Because, if he’s being honest, he’s also starving.

He’s got $2.23 in his pocket, and as he skims the limited food selection, he regrets not asking Leo for some money. The most he’ll be able to get is some water and a small tin of peanuts.

He grabs them, and he’s about to go check out, until he catches sight of a pair of hairdressing shears. And clippers. An image of Leo standing over him, buzzing off his hard-earned goatee flashes in his mind. Hard pass.

He walks back to the car with a tin of peanuts and some shears.

“It’s just getting a little annoying, alright?” Is the only answer he gives when Leo fixes him with a smug grin.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, man,”

They manage to find a cheap motel a few blocks away, and disgust with the room quality can’t outweigh the relief of having a hard, lumpy, uncomfortable bed if it tries.

Leo drags their only chair to the bed, facing it to the door. “Take a seat, amigo,” He says, perching himself on the edge of the mattress.

He sits down, once again ignoring the way exhaustion eases the edges of Leo’s voice, the way it naturally slurs on the softer sounds. He ignores the way it bounces off the walls of his chest and settles warmly under his heart, like smoldering embers awaiting ignition.

Leo snips at the air behind his head a few times to test the shears’ resistance. Vincent feels practiced fingers run through his hair, inspecting what has effectively become a dirty mop on his head.

“Jesus, Vince. You’re a walking split end, you know that?” He says, scratching Vincent’s scalp pleasantly. It almost sends him back to sleep. “So, what are you looking for here? Just what you had before?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks,” He says, trying not to move too much.

They’re silent as Leo carefully combs through his hair with his hands, divvying it into sections and clipping them ever shorter. Every scrape of the cold steel against the back of his neck sends a shiver down his spine, more from the shock than anything. Leo doesn’t seem to catch the memo, though.

“There a draft in here or somethin’?”

“No,”

There’s a pause so short that Vincent almost misses it.

“You afraid of me with these scissors, then?”

Something in his voice makes him hesitate. Concern.

“No, of course not,” He straightens his legs out and crosses his ankles over one another, relaxing a little, “They’re just cold, is all”

Roughly ten minutes pass in silence, interrupted only by the sounds of the shears slicing through his overgrown hair.

“So, stranger,” Leo says eventually, mimicking the friendliness of a barber, “What special occasion brought you to my chair?”

Vincent rolls his eyes, “What are you doing, Leo?”

“I’m making conversation, dipshit,”

“You aren’t very good at it,”

There’s a swat on his shoulder, “Just answer the fuckin’ question, Vince,”

He chuckles, letting his head be turned to the right and sneaking a peek at the man behind him, “Well, no special occasion this time,” He rumbles, “Going on the road with a friend, thought I’d pretty myself up for him,”

“Really?” Tilting Vincent’s head the other way, Leo starts working on his left side, “Must be one lucky guy, huh? You don’t look like you get ‘prettied up’ very often,”

Pointedly ignoring the jab, he smiles, “Yeah, he’s alright. We’ve been through a lot together, and I bug him to high heaven, but he just keeps stickin’ around,”

“I know a guy like you. Cleans up a lot better, though, I have to say,” He can hear the smirk on Leo’s lips, and Vincent doesn’t fight the heat that blooms in his chest, “Got quite the stick up his ass. I can’t take him anywhere,”

“Well, who knows? Maybe there’s some fun, deep down in the depths of his straight-laced soul. All you have to do is find it,”

“Nah, I think I like him the way he is. I’d be in much worse shape if it wasn’t for him. Despite what I say to his face,” He runs his fingernails over Vincent’s scalp, scooching off the bed and making his way around Vincent, squatting in front of him. Gently, he grabs his chin and tilts it from side to side to see that both sides are even, before his gaze settles on Vincent’s and lingers. “He ain’t so bad,”

There’s that look again. His lips part, a small breath escaping before he can stop it. It tickles some of his goatee’s longer hairs, though it’s hardly the focus of his attention.

He swallows. It doesn’t go unnoticed how Leo’s eyes track his Adam's apple. Or how they lift to his lips.

“Maybe our guys should meet,”

Leo blinks, surprised by something. He shakes his head minutely, “Maybe you should learn how to fuckin’ shave right,”

His goatee.

He was looking at my Goatee.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He deflects, shifting in his seat and looking away to recompose himself.

“Oh, come on, Vince. You’ve been slacking, it’s all sad and shitty now. Just let me do it. If I don’t, it’ll drive me fuckin’ crazy,”

As if summoned by God himself, an itch rears its head just above his lip. He grimaces, trying to make his scratch at it as inconspicuous as possible, “Yeah, fine. You might as well,”

After a few more minutes of cutting Vincent’s hair, Leo stands, walks into the bathroom, and walks back out with a knife, a razor, and a wet cloth in hand.

“Where the hell did you get those?” He asks, because he’s very sure they don’t put any of those things in $8 motel bathrooms.

“What? Not the weirdest thing I’ve pulled outta my ass,” Leo says, sitting back down on the bed, “Turn around,”

Vincent does as he’s told, standing to sit backwards in the chair. His arms cross easily on the back, though it takes a bit of maneuvering to get his legs under the arms. He tilts his head up to get a good view of his partner. The height difference is more noticeable this way, but he doesn’t mind at all. He likes looking up at Leo.

Leo goes to start working, but stops short, frowning. He looks down at the space between them and grabs the armchair, pulling it flush with the bed with a small grunt.

His elbows bump against the younger man’s knees and it sends a bout of heat to his face. Leo brushes some of the stray hairs off his shoulders before resting his hands there, just staring at him.

There’s something in his chest, curling around his lungs, eating up his lies before he can breathe them out, coiling in the pit of his stomach and making a home. The trust he’s placed at Leo’s feet leaves him dizzy, gasping for breath with every new little intimate gesture Leo manages to throw his way, turning everything he thinks he knows on its head.

He begins shaving the stubble on his jaw and neck. Vincent realizes that he really shouldn’t trust Leo as wholly as he does, and he shouldn’t be trusted as wholly as he knows he is. They’re criminals, for God’s sake. He shouldn’t have to keep reminding himself that this could fall apart at any moment. There’s a blade to his throat and he can’t find it in himself to pull away.

Instead, he’s content with Leo’s steady hands gripping his chin, trimming his facial hair with a focus so intense it makes his heart skip a beat.

Leo sits back, inspecting his work. A moment later, he smirks wide and leans in, blowing hard on Vincent’s face. He squints, half in confusion and half to keep stray hairs from flying into his eyes.

Before he can get a word in, Leo’s swiping the remaining hair away with his hand. His grin has morphed back into a small, pleased smile. He’d like to think he isn’t imagining when calloused fingers brush over his bottom lip for a second too long.

“Now, where were we?”

“Excuse me?”

Leo rolls his eyes and leans over Vincent, draping his arms loosely over his shoulders. Lean muscle makes a home in his periphery, and oh how he wants to turn his head, admire every curve and contour he finds there; but there’s no time before their faces stand inches apart. He can smell the smokey cologne on his neck. When did he have time to apply cologne?

“Sorry for cutting our little moment short, earlier,” He says, low and husky, looking down at him from under the cover of dark eyelashes.

He finds his breath and lets it go, captured by the shimmer of want in Leo’s eyes. Want. Vincent had never thought someone could want him after Carol. Not Leo. Not in the way he wants him.

Leo slides a little closer, hands intertwining against the back of Vincent’s neck.

“I meant to ask why you did that,” He uncrosses his arms, placing an experimental hand at Leo’s nape, brushing through his curling hair. Their mouths are hovering closer by the second.

“Well,” Leo drawls, “I wasn’t just gonna kiss you with that itchy mess in the way, was I?”

“I guess not,” His eyes flit to Leo’s mouth, open ever so slightly, impossibly magnetic, “Now what’s stopping you?”

“Just your yakkin’,”

He breathes a small laugh as Leo leans down, sealing their lips.

In all of Vincent’s imaginings, he never expected him to be so… chaste. It feels confident, tender. A careful welcome to a guilty soul. Everything that’s been weighing him down since he arrived in that prison is suddenly the least of his worries, because all he can think about is Leo’s mouth on his, dragging him deeper into his own vices.

He feels a tongue swipe over his lips, and he parts them unthinkingly, cotton sprouting in his head as Leo sighs into his mouth. He tastes like bitter chocolate and bourbon, dark and inviting. One of Leo’s hands tangles itself in his hair, pulling him closer, urging him to expose his heart and soul to the mercy of a convict. And he so desperately wants to.

Eventually and all too soon, Leo pulls away. His cheeks are flushed, pupils blown wide, and he’s looking at him with something he can only hope to describe as desire.

“You gotta get out of this stupid fuckin’ chair,” He breathes.

Vincent just nods, gripping the wooden arms and pulling his legs out from under them. Leo stands, grabs him by the lapels, and yanks him back to his lips, reeling him in all over again. He starts pulling them back towards the bed, and Vincent props a hand on the edge, reaching the other up to tangle in his hair. He remembers every time he’s held himself back, denied himself this, and he thinks he’s the most blaringly stupid man on the face of the planet.

“What about Linda?” Vincent says between breaths.

He feels Leo nod against him, “We talked—” Another kiss, “We’re good,”

“You—” Vincent breaks them apart this time, confused, “You talked to Linda about this?”

“Well, yeah—” He drags him back again, “–-Wasn’t just gonna-–” Again, “-–Cheat on my wife,” Again, and if Leo keeps kissing him like this he may have an aneurysm.

Vincent shifts his weight onto his heels, keeping one hand buried in Leo’s dark curls while the other finds the back of Leo’s jacket. For a moment, he keeps it there, hesitant, reserving himself for some kind of unspoken line he doesn’t want to cross. But Leo, perceptive still under his carefully obtuse facade, makes the decision for him.

He unbuttons his jacket, far too slowly, and his eyes burn into Vincent as he looks on, need tugging at his stomach. A thought forms, as he hopelessly watches the scene before him, that Leo’s doing it on purpose—he’s putting on a show. And, oh, fuck, that sends a thrill straight through him.

Shouldering it off and letting it fall lazy onto the stained carpet, Leo’s hands fly up to the collar of Vincent’s leather bomber, and he finds the fact that it’s still on is a grave oversight. His jacket joins the pile on the floor, along with his reservations, as he gently slips his hand under the hem of Leo’s shirt.

He feels the muscles of his back go taut under his hand, and he gives himself a moment to explore. His fingers linger over every divot, every imperfection, every faded scar, committing it to memory. Maybe he doesn’t deserve this, knowing what he knows. But the world is giving it to him, however unworthy he may be of it, and he’ll be damned if he turns it down.

One of Leo’s hands snakes under his waistband, bringing Vincent’s thoughts back to the present. He doesn’t realize his shirt’s been untucked until the other hand skims up and down his bare side. He can’t help the shiver that comes in its wake.

Leo’s chest rumbles and he hums, chuckling against his mouth, “Someone’s sensitive,”

“Shut up,” He gives his hair a gentle tug, and hopes he sounds more confident than he feels. Past his assertive front—which is, admittedly, crumbling—he’s about ready to fall apart in Leo’s arms. He’s honestly glad the bed is there, because his knees might just give out if this progresses any further.

“You know you love to hear me talk,”

“I think that’s just you,”

Leo huffs, and the hands on Vincent’s side and in his hair disappear, finding the top of his paisley button-up and working it open, button by button. Breathlessly, Vincent goes to help him, starting with his cuffs. Within seconds, it’s off his shoulders, balled up in his hands as he throws it to the floor. He’s about to go for Leo’s when he feels a pair of hands on his chest, traveling down to his stomach and back up again, tracing the contours of fat and muscle beneath his fingers. Vincent suppresses what would be an embarrassing noise, but a low hum still manages to sound in his throat.

One of Leo’s hands settles on his chest and pushes him back, and Vincent frowns, opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong. But the other goes down between them, and it keeps going. He grazes the hand over his trousers, palming him gently—the beginning of a word morphs into a groan as his knees go weak and he grips Leo’s shoulders for dear life.

Vincent is fucked. Vincent is so, completely, abysmally fucked.

Before he can recover, Leo grabs his shoulders and flips them around, pinning Vincent between himself and the mattress. His hands continue to roam Vincent’s body like he’s the Goddamn statue of David, leaving him dazed every time they trail down his v-line, only to wander back to his chest.

Leo kisses him and kisses him, fervent and determined, and Vincent throws an arm around his neck, pulling him closer and breathing a feverish plea against his mouth. Leo, bless him, understands. He feels the tug at his belt, hears the promising clink of a buckle coming undone. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep quiet.

It’s on the floor in seconds flat. Leo’s lips leave his, kissing down his jaw and mouthing at his neck as he pops open his trouser buttons. Vincent lifts his head to make room, teeth clenched as staying silent becomes increasingly difficult.

Leo lays a heavy hand against his hardening dick through his boxers, and a quiet whine slips past his lips.

[ end. ]

#yeah sorry about the uh #unfortunate ending note #also linda's a barber and leo picked some of it up #because i said so #a way out #scrapped #velvet writes

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ivy-lulu · 3 years

Text

Ikevamp suitors and Chess

So, this has been sitting in my drafts for months because I was too nervous to post it as I've never written headcanons before. I've literally shoved it in queue somewhere so I don't even know when its gonna post. I hope they're ok. Also, this is a pretty long post so I'm gonna put it under the cut.

I started thinking about which suitors would be the best at a game of chess (because I lost...) so I decided to make a post about it.

Warnings: None (except my terrible attempt at humour, you have been warned)

SCORE/10 shows how likely you'd be to win

The 'has won before the game's even started' gang

Arthur - Not much to say about this one. Canonically, Arthur is almost unbeatable at any board game, card game, even games that have been created on the spot (RIP Isaac). So it's obvious he'd take up the first spot on the 'I've got this' team. -1000/10 (it'll only end in tears)

Comte - He's been alive a long time so naturally he'd have spent some of that time mastering this sort of thing. In his 'bad boy' phase the game keeps mentioning, I imagine he was probably a lot like Arthur, even on the gambling front; he probably plays a great hand in poker with that mask he always has on. But on another note, there's even that one 5* card with Leo where the commentary is them playing chess. 0/10 (he'll win and he'll be wearing that smile the entire time) And, that leads me on to...

Leonardo - Last member of the 'you never stood a chance' crew. He is, as the game puts it, a master of all trades, he definitely knows his way around a chess board. He literally has books on military tactics lying around his room so it's safe to say he probably knows what he's doing. He's going at the bottom of this group though because he'd probably let you win just because he loves you, just don't mention him going easy on you because he will show you how he actually plays... 1/10 (if you ask really nicely he'll let you win)

The 'you might be good, but they'll be better' gang

Napoleon - He was the Emperor, what do you expect. He's only in this group because, unlike in war, all of your players are on the board, its much harder to hide any dirty tricks that he might have played on his opponents in his human life. But, unless you are exceptionally good, there's still only a small chance your gonna win this, and he's not one to take pity so he wouldn't go easy on you, if anything winning is something he'd just be able to tease you about later. 2/10 (a bad idea)

Isaac - Logic is his strong suit, so he would be very good at this sort of thing. He'd carefully consider his actions to determine the best possible move so would probably excel at something like chess. His only downfall might be that he could overthink things, especially if his opponent is playing mind games with him, e.g Arthur. 3.5/10 (you could just tease him during the game and he'd lose his focus, but you'd have to live with the fact you cheated to win)

Sebastian - Now hear me out. With the amount of meticulous planning and organisation it takes to keep the mansion running smoothly, he would probably be very good at thinking ahead of his opponent, setting traps and the like. Also with his slight *cough* obsession *cough* with Napoleon, he has probably studied his fair share of military strategy which could come in really handy. 4/10 (if you manage to win, he's not even a sore loser so a pretty safe bet)

The 'can be beaten but you better bring your game' gang

Shakespeare - I mean, if you've played even one route in Ikevamp, you know that he's pretty good at keeping a low profile, whilst causing absolute chaos. You'd think you're doing absolutely fine, in fact you might even think you're winning, but before you can even tell what's happened, the tables have turned and you're down to only a handful of pieces on the board. If you're good at spotting these sort of tricks though, you stand a pretty good chance because its his main strategy. 5/10 (keep your eyes on the game and you'll be good)

Dazai - Dazai, like Arthur, is probably very good at playing mind games, which would give him an edge over his opponent. It would seem like he's playing randomly and you'd have no idea what is a trick and what isn't, but he knows. As long as you can hold your own and keep your head screwed on, you'll have a chance of winning. 5.5/10 (you might win, but at the cost of your sanity)

Theo - This is a tricky one. He probably hasn't played much, probably just played with a client once whilst discussing a deal and decided he should learn a little more in case the situation arises again. I'm putting Theo here because I think he is just a bit more logical than some of the others. 6/10 (if you're an average player, it'll be pretty even)

The 'your best bet at winning' gang

Mozart - He knows what the pieces do, but he doesn't know how to play, if you catch my drift. He spends so much time dedicated to his music he probably hasn't had much practice at it. I still think he'd be decent though because he is organised, perhaps in a similar, but not quite as extreme way as Sebastian. If you consider yourself average at chess, you'd probably be pretty evenly matched with Mozart too. 7.5/10 (if you win, he will sulk about it for the rest of the day)

Jean - He is much better at physical challenges than mental ones like this. He probably doesn't even know the rules but he's a quick learner and you could easily teach him. In fact once he does get a bit of practice in, he might actually be decent at the game, just don't try challenging him to any physical duels and you'll be okay. 8.5/10 (it's only because he doesn't know the rules)

Vincent - He's probably played once before but never really got into it. Vincent would probably be your best bet at winning, purely because he just doesn't know how to play, and would probably only be interested in learning if you wanted him to. He's also a literal angel so he'd probably let you win. 10/10 (you will win, but will you ever actually feel proud about it?)

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it!

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #my-writing-stuff #ikevamp headcannon #ikevamp hcs #ikevamp writing

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mediawhorefics · 3 years

Note

hi marie! i have sort of a weird question to ask and i’m so sorry if i bother you with this. i have to do research in one of my classes which basically consists of finding certain paintings, sculptures, statues, letters whatever kinda speaks to me and inspires me to think about different themes…kinda? in terms of art.

soo…i know you’ve posted things in the past about van gogh’s paintings and letters and i was wondering what your favorite paintings are or anything else art related really. i know you mentioned his ‘sunflowers’ painting in tbow and i definitely wrote that down but since i love what art you share i thought i’d ask you.

oooohhh, yess i can def. tell you about my favourite paintings/art related thing !! i think this is probably gonna get awfully long and rambly and i apologise in advance for it rip. but here we go !!!

first of all, vincent van gogh is my favourite painter so gotta start with some of my favourites of his....

1. skull of a skeleton with a burning cigarette

i love this painting because vincent made it during his brief time at art school in antwerp and it's kind of a commentary/satire on what he considered to be rigid, pretentious, and conservative 'academic' artistic takes. which just delights me. this guy really spent a wee while at the royal academy of fine arts and said this is bullshit and boring and i'm learning nothing. fuck those guys. art is felt not taught so im gonna keep learning by myself. and he made this to make fun of them. and every time i look at it, it makes me smile. it's his darker more dutch palette too, before he lived in paris and met the impressionists and colours!!! for the first time which i think is a very interesting period in his career. even tho it's maybe less talked about/known. i don't know. i'm fond of it. i just read it as a massive middle finger to the establishment. and, if we do a modern read of it it could totally be an anti-smoking ad, which is pretty funny though. anyways, that skeleton's got attitude and i'm here for it.

2. the mulberry tree

this might be my absolute favourite van gogh painting and i hope one day i get to see it in person. i love most of vincent's paintings of trees, but this one is just so special to me. the fiery golden colours of an autumn day just really resonate with me. i want to live in it.

3. rain

there's nothing i love more than a rainy day and the colour green so this one particularly speaks to me. there's a passion and an imperfection to it that's just so beautiful to me. i really struggle with figurative art that's too polished and perfect. if it looks like a postcard, i'm often less interested? i need to see the artist's vision, the artist's soul, in the landscape and i think this one, like many others of vincent's paintings, express his passionate and intense personality.

4. sorrow

this is a drawing so i don't know if it counts but i'm very very fond of it. vincent made it only two years after deciding to become an artist apparently and it depicts a woman he was in a relationship with at the time. i just think it emotes so much so i always feel drawn to it. from vincent's letters: 'I want to make drawings that touch some people. Sorrow is a small beginning [...] there is at least something directly from my own heart.' july 1882

5. the sunflowers

i'm pretty sure i've said everything i needed to see about how these make me feel in tbow but i couldn't make a list of some of my favourite paintings without including them. that felt sacrilegious.

and now here are a few of my favourite paintings in general:

1. wanderer above the sea of fog

i mean, what else is there to say except paintings of seascapes awake something really primal inside of me and i've been in love with this painting for years. tts vibes anyone ? seriously though, there's a comfortable loneliness to it that i really relate to.

2. andy warhol's cat paintings

this is probably cheating since it's more than one but i just love them so much. i have a print of the blue one stuck to my wall that i bought in glasgow and i love it so much.

TBC

#HUM IM SO OFFENDED I CAN ONLY PUT 10 IMAGES IN MY POST EVEN IF THEYRE PASTED IN AN ASK ??????#anyways im gonna keep going and reblog to add some more i GUESS #about me #art

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aimeelouart · 4 years

Note

So I see you produce a lot of stuff (fics and art and ideas). Do you consume as well? Can you tell us some of your favourite fics or link to favourite fanarts etc?

That I do! I actually have something of an encyclopedic knowledge of the current body of FF7 fics on Ao3 because that’s...pretty much all I read over the summer (that’s a lie--FF7 fics were the ONLY thing I read over the summer). I’ll focus on FF7 here because it’s my current obsession but feel free to ask about other fandoms I post/write/have bookmarks for.

Top Fics that I would die for

1) The Best Laid Plans by Loralei_Dawson I cannot stress this enough. I would die for this fic. Cloud goes back in time but the process kind of scrambles his brain like an egg. He’s semi-aware of how absolutely insane he is, but also thinks he’s being perfectly rational while all the outside POVs are like “good god what the hell is going on with this child” as he unceremoniously installs himself in the Tower and repeatedly attempts to assassinate a baffled and concerned Sephiroth. Features Genesis the certified Cloud wrangler. I love it so much that I even made art for it

2) Terrorism and Anarchy by VarianN Cloud Strife is a badass motherfucker and this fic exemplifies that. He goes back in time to his cadet days and promptly yeets himself into the slums, much to Zack’s concern. He then proceeds to play a very amusing game of cat-and-mouse with the Turks and SOLDIERs by keeping them guessing about whether or not he’s the mysterious “CS Delivery” who’s exploding reactors left and right.

3) The Fifth Act by Sinnatious Cloud goes back in time (are you noticing a theme here?) and heals Genesis, but is unable to heal anyone else. He gets cornered into joining SOLDIER and kind of...wanders around in a vague haze completing missions and being forcibly befriended by the SOLDIERs? This poor boy needs a serious nap.

4) Angel in the Rafters by skadren (finally, an author who exists on Tumblr! ...that I can’t tag. Well then.) This one is in my bookmarks as “the one where Sephiroth is a possessive dumbass.” Cloud is also a dumbass. Everyone else is just along for the ride. Anyway, Cloud goes back, has wings, is around bby!Seph for a little while before getting slam-dunked back into his corporeal bby!Cloud body. A whole lot of shenanigans goes on as Cloud runs around avoiding Shinra and exploding reactors. Gen content is typically where my heart lives, but this one is Seph/Cloud (after they stop being MASSIVE DUMBASSES ABOUT IT >:I)

5) Son by @sheseesinthedark Am I biased toward this because she-sees is one of my co-authors on Saving Subject C? Surprisingly, no. She-sees is just massively talented at spinning up complexly interwoven narratives. Vincent goes back to rescue bby!Seph from the labs and raise him and OOF it is BEAUTIFUL. Things just keep escalating as what seems on the surface to be a relatively straightforward and simple narrative slowly becomes as complex and beautiful as a tapestry, all building toward a suspenseful zenith.

6) just be still with me by @rainbowcarousels

Excuse me how does this not have like 3,000 kudos??? ASGZC which started out as a cute and funny sort of get-together fic and then MORPHED into a masterful plot-driven fic. The characterization is just so delicious! I even made art for it.

7) N7 SOLDIER by @screamingvikings Actually you know what just go read literally everything by ScreamingVikings. She writes like (and is, iirc) a published author. N7 SOLDIER is, you guessed it, a crossover of Mass Effect and FF7 where Shepard ends up on Gaia post-ME3. Her Shep is delightful and I very much enjoyed watching that lady get really fucking offended at how Shinra runs its military.

8) Cadet Strife’s Adventures in the Big City by Munchkin47 Seph/Cloud soulmate AU that made me laugh so hard I literally injured myself. Cloud tries very hard to ignore Sephiroth after the revelation of their matching soul marks, but Sephiroth refuses to be ignored and recruits his friends into helping him seduce his hilariously avoidant soulmate.

9) The World that Never Will Be by @tocasia Kingdom Hearts/FF7 crossover (does that even count as a crossover considering Nomura’s fuckery? Whatever) that totally makes me ship Aqua/Sephiroth. They meet in the Realm of Darkness and everyone makes questionable decisions all over the place, honestly. But it’s so ridiculously well written and deserves WAY more love than it’s gotten so far.

10) Draw With Me by XpaperplaneX Cloud is in the labs with Seph and they basically adopt each other and become inseparable to the point that Cloud is with Seph in the OG plot while Zack is the protagonist. It’s really fucking cute okay. And also sad. But I love me some gen content.

11) Stick ‘em with the pointy end by @tyrantchimera All of AVALANCHE goes back in time...as tonberries. I think that’s all I really need to say to get you to go give this the amount of love it DESERVES. Prepare to laugh until you throw up.

12) Another Day, a New Dawn by MollyPollyKinz Zack is the one to go back in time here and he’s trying SO HARD but Angeal and the others cotton on pretty much immediately and are like “??? is he okay???” Spoilers: no. He’s not okay. I especially love Angeal in this one.

Ok I’ll stop myself at 12 recs. If you want more recs look at my bookmarks list! On Ao3! Most of them use my own tag system and have short summaries/commentary in the descriptions (except the ones I need to catch up on, oops!)

#ask #written reply #fic rec #FF7 fic recs

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emersonfreepress · 4 years

Note

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

#lovely anon #answered #hotmess #ok I am truly so sorry for going on and on like this #writing #ch design #ty for this question it was really nice to revisit this stuff 😃#and a nice reminder to not look back lol #scrapped

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minipliny · 4 years

Text

it’s 1am and I am angry about 2019 moby dick musical lyrics

I have been wanting to write my historical-context-of-Queequeg-in-Moby-Dick and what-the-fuck-was-the-musical for 10 months, and I have been continually aware that it is not going to be a good version of this post and that I know nothing about this subject beyond some judicious Googling and JSTOR access. On the other hand, Dave Malloy had Google too and created…….these song lyrics. So please imagine me waving at you, the reader, frantically, in the direction of more information, rather than a learned disquisition of any sort. Also if I get anything wrong (WHICH I HAVE BEFORE) tell me.

Also point one: the source text Malloy is working with is absolutely also a racist text. He just didn’t have to do…that with it. And obviously, he’s writing it as a joke! I realise this! But when you explicitly decide to do a song about cultural relativism, and then you decide to present what I think even I can notice is kind of a wildly inaccurate caricature which doesn’t really have anything else in mainstream media to counterbalance it, and then you never ever get any of the delicate character work or adaptational work that you get in Great Comet…I don’t know that this is something that was thought about or if Malloy decided to take the entire concept of 19th century Pacific Islanders and leave it as “they eat people! I can make up how exactly by consulting the Wikipedia cannibalism entry and not scrolling down to any specific examples! Also I don’t need to think about any social or historical ramifications.

So, point two. The “Autobiography” section of Moby Dick clearly and obviously draws on the account of Te Pehi Kupe’s journey to England on 26 February 1824. Geoffrey Sanborn has written several articles and books discussing this, with further articles by Juniper Ellis and Caroline Schwarz.

(I’d add at this point that this one of many many Maori journeys to Europe and America at this point, with many different aims – while Te Pehi Kupe was looking for a military resource which was giving a devastating advantage and determining much of the balance of power at the time, many other people were more interested in architecture, agriculture, manufacturing, windmills, trade, law and justice, literacy, religion, politics, and of course acquiring a printing press. So Melville’s idea of trying to find a way of making the people happier than previously is semi a joke, semi reflecting what was an actual thing)

Te Pehi Kupe, a rangatira (chief) of Ngati Toa, paddled out to the ship Urania, and resisting being thrown aboard, demanded to stay on board, go to Europe, and ask King George for guns. He befriended the captain and saved him from drowning, travelling to England to meet George IV, observe military matters (like regiments being reviewed) and visit factories. Returning to a complex and escalating series of wars partly fuelled by the huge imbalances of firepower that muskets brought, he was ultimately killed during conflict with Ngai Tahu.

For the history and conflicts of Ngāti Toa, released only a week ago is a new book containing a 50,000 account in te reo Māori of Te Rauparaha’s life, written by Te Rauparaha’s son Tamihana between 1866 and 1869.

The very same day that Aperahama Te Kawe spoke to him, Te Rauparaha announced: “In the morning we shall go, migrate; the pā is about to fall.” At this, Ngāti Toa’s spirits were lifted, the 140 who were inside their pā, Te Arawī.

In the morning when the sun was high, near midday, they migrated, they left their pā. They did not allow themselves to weep, they left Kāwhia behind, following the paths along the coast. The men and women who did not have the strength to travel were left lying on the trail and some perished from starvation.

They carried on throughout that day until nightfall. When they reached Marokopa my mother was left there, heavy with child — for indeed I was inside her womb about to be born — along with some other chiefly women of Ngāti Toa who were also left at Marokopa. The travelling party with the fighting men carried on, including Te Rauparaha. My mother was not abandoned there, another relative, Pukeroa, stayed with her to look after her, along with some others of Ngāti Toa.

The Ngāti Toa travelling party carried on. When they got to the top of Moeātoa [30 km south of Kāwhia], the hill, they looked back down at Kāwhia lying below. Now the love for their home, for Kāwhia, welled up. Then the people of Ngāti Toa and their elder, Te Rauparaha, wept, their grief was like the sighing sea. How could he not be overcome with love for the homeland that he was leaving behind, the land of his birth where his placenta was buried?

And I’m putting this really wrenching excerpt here because the history and culture that Melville very shakily and ignorantly nonetheless draws on (from religious beliefs, to the idea that the afterlife involves travel back to a specific island, to art and carving, ta moko, warfare, wedding customs to humour) is….real people’s history. The warfare of the Musket Wars did involve the ritualised consumption of the bodies of dead enemies – that didn’t actually make everything a joke to the people who took part in it, or leave their descendants without legacies to reckon with, painful memories or acts of heroism.

And I’m just going to put Ross Calman, the author of the book’s quote here regarding the very contemporary relevance of history:

We can’t pretend that it’s all going to be happy families. It’s been a very difficult past and we have to face up to the violence of the early founding years of this nation. It’s been built on violence and on deceit and on land being taken from Māori in a variety of ways. It’s left us as an impoverished people and we’re still feeling the effects today.

A lot of Pākehā say: “Oh, that’s in the past. You can’t blame me for that.” But the impact of the violence and deceit and theft is still very much with us, and that has to be addressed.

(And for more there, there is this Vincent O’Malley article for one of many, many examples)

Or for a commentary by an early 19th century Māori speaker on both European and Maori societies, have the debate between Te Whareumeu and Augustus Earle quoted in Tangata Whenua: “the only difference in our laws is, you flog and hang, but we shoot and eat”.

And finally, here is an actual comic song from the 1820s/30s Māori world, full of irony, wordplay, and double-entendre.

This was sung by some women of the Te Namu pa which had successfully withstood a siege from a taua (war-party) of Te Ati-Awa. The war-party was armed with two muskets. They made a great noise but killed nobody.

Guns came down

To Te Taniwha

To Huri—whenua—

Calling out to the weak ones

Driven here by the guns—

Ha! Come to me, black death,

Come to my thighs, conquering earth—

They shiver at his breath

He beats and burns and roars

Ha! He is done.

What a weapon of love

A sharp bullet from above—

Ha! I am caught in his cold fire

There is no end to his desire—

Ha! He is done!

#cw for #racism #warfare #cannibalism mention #i'm still angry apparently #moby dick #history

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nearlymanaged · 4 years

Text

21. The Long Wait and James’ Exasperation

“Remus!” Suzy, a bespectacled Gryffindor sixth year with enchanted flowers braided into her hair, caught up with him.

“Hey,” Remus stopped, holding the portrait hole open for her.

“Thanks…” She breathed out as she climbed in with an armful of assorted spellbooks, quills, parchment, and ink bottles. “My bag broke today,” she explained.

“I’m sorry,” he offered a genuine smile. “My bag’s broken once, too. Granted, it was being held by James and Sirius. Who were flying on two separate brooms at the time. So maybe not quite the same...”

Suzy let out a tickled laugh and almost dropped half of her things just then. Remus, however, reacted in time and, with a flick of his wand, lifted all of the weight out of the girl’s arms. “Thanks again,” she beamed.

“No worries. Well, have fun with…” he gently pushed one of the books, floating mid-air, out of the way, “History of Magic,” he said after a glance at the cover. “Ah yes, the class that, six years in, has taught me how to take notes while napping…”

Suzy laughed again, taking over the steering of her possessions with her own wand now. “That’s actually hilariously accurate… Maybe we could work on our homework together sometime, for moral support?”

“I do lead a study group every Thursday… Although lately, it’s been more like every once in a blue moon, whenever we can squeeze it into everyone’s schedules...”

“Maybe you and I can have a private study group then?”

“Er…” Remus stammered while his brain worked to figure out whether Suzy was asking him out or genuinely trying to get some help with homework. For some reason, he thought, the older he got, the harder it was to read anyone. “I’m absolute shite at History of Magic..?” He attempted with a shrug.

“Then maybe I can tutor you some?”

Ah… It certainly sounded like the girl’s interests spanned beyond homework. A mild panic was setting in as Remus tried to come up with an appropriate response, but nothing came to mind. So he decided to just go for it, as clumsy and awkwardly as he knew it would come out.

Thing was, Remus never really came out to people. Yes, obviously he had been open about his sexuality with Vincent, and at this point, most (if not all) of his friends had caught on, and, matter of fact, he didn’t care if the whole school knew. He felt like a bit of a freak anyway, what’s another thing to add to the list? He just never went around talking about it. In all fairness, it was probably because he’d gotten used to keeping it to himself at home, with his dad around. He could hardly imagine having that conversation with his family (“Hey dad, guess what? I’m gay!”) so he had sort of pushed that idea aside and moved on altogether. But now, he inhaled deeply in anticipation...

“Suzy... I’m…”

“Alright, I’ll just say it… I just need a couple of bottles of butterbeer and I…”

“...ga-- What?” Remus froze all of a sudden, only his eyelids fluttering in a rapid succession of baffled blinks.

“Did you...just say you’re gay?” Suzy peered at him, looking no less confused than he felt.

“I…er...”

“I knew it,” someone uttered in a group of fifth years flocking around the nearest sofa.

“Nevermind that,” Remus mumbled while wishing to literally die right then and there. “You said you need butterbeer?”

“Ehm, yes. I know that you and your friends know where to get some…” Suzy, very graciously, employed a facial expression determined to ignore Remus’ little outburst.

He hastily assured her that he’d talk to his friends and get some butterbeer for her during their next expedition to a mysterious source that Suzy had no business knowing anything about anyway. Still feeling the burning embarrassment pulsing all the way from the pit of his stomach to the top of his head, Remus turned to run upstairs to put his stuff away and maybe suffocate himself with a pillow while he was at it. Before he could leave the scene of his mortification, however, he was beckoned over by the very giggly duo of Lily and Dorcas.

“Rem, did you just yell ‘I’m gay’ at--”

“Five points from Gryffindor.”

Lily let out a loud gasp that somehow ended with an indignant squeal. “James told me you do that…” She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, but didn’t say another word about the topic.

“Welcome to the club, Remus,” Dorcas grinned at him. “I always knew there was a reason I liked you. Straight people can be so...intense sometimes -- no offense, Lily,” she finished with a smirk.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t judge all straight people based on Potter…”

Both Dorcas and Remus cackled at this. “What about you, miss I Hate This Arrogant Toerag But I’ll Still Spend Every Waking Moment Hanging Out Around Him?” Remus tilted his head rather eloquently with a little quirk of his eyebrows.

“Oh! Please! Pshh!” Lily started shuffling around in her seat with an outraged glare.

“That’s what I’ve noticed, too!” Dorcas beamed at Remus. “She can’t get enough of him lately, can she?”

“You think it has anything to do with him being Quidditch captain?”

“Well, straight people do seem to have a thing about sports…”

“Shut up, you idiots!”

“So - and forgive me for being so blunt - Sirius?” Dorcas beamed at Remus, evidently deciding that Lily’s had enough mortification for the time being.

“What about him?”

“Rumour has it, you’ve got the hots for the Black boy?”

“The rumour’s name wouldn’t happen to be Lily, would it?” Remus shot a pointed glance at the girl in question, but Dorcas merely chuckled at it rather dismissively.

“There’s also the fact that everyone in this school has eyes and ears, Remus. And some of us know how to use them, too. Question is, who’s going to make the first move?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Remus felt a kind of warmth flood over him - against his own logical thought, he couldn’t help but feel pleased to know that other people could see it. “Hard to say,” he mumbled through a grin that refused to be toned down.

“I think it should be you,” Lily stated matter-of-factly.

“How so?”

“Because, obviously, you’re the somewhat more sensible one.”

“I don’t think romance has much to do with sensibility, Lils,” Dorcas leaned back in her seat. “I think it’ll be Sirius. Precisely because he lacks it.”

“What are we, making bets on my life now?” Remus folded his arms over his chest; he only barely resisted the temptation to reference their very secret plan that he wasn’t supposed to know anything about.

“That’s a great idea!” Dorcas cackled at his feigned indignation.

“All jokes aside,” Lily beamed, “I have a feeling you two will get together soon. It’s Spring, after all. A time for new beginnings.”

“I thought you dropped Divination?” Remus pulled a funny face at her, pretending to be puzzled by her words.

“Yes. But, as Dorcas already pointed out, some of us have functioning eyes and ears.”

“And some of us might even know more than we let on…” Dorcas uttered, a faint smirk curving her lips.

Lily smacked her arm lightly. “Dee!”

“What?”

“What?” Remus echoed, his eyes darting between the two girls.

“Nothing. Dorcas has a strange sense of humour, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh… So anyway, speaking of new beginnings--”

“Oh will you drop it?” Lily cut across him rather sternly. “Even if I did agree to go out with him, so what?” She added quieter.

“Oh? I was going to say, isn’t it strange that the last summer of our Hogwarts years is almost here. But your thing is more entertaining,” Remus shot her a smug grin.

“Remus!”

“What?” He laughed out.

“And she might agree to go out with him sooner than we’d suspect, too.”

“Dorcas!!”

The three of them went on about sensible minds and love and sensible minds in love; mostly courtesy of Lily and Dorcas while Remus was quietly replaying every moment he’d spent with Sirius in the past few days, only occasionally offering a joke or a commentary. This was happiness, he thought. To have friends that cared (enough to devise some sort of a secret plan) and a boyfriend who was one of the best friends he’d ever had and one of the best people he’d ever known. This was happiness - being seventeen and in love and surrounded by good people, and it didn’t even matter that he had just embarrassed himself in front of Suzy and half the Gryffindors.

* * *

Remus looked like there was some kind of a magical glow about him as he sat there - bathed in sunlight streaming in through the high, narrow windows of History of Magic classroom, his chin in his hand, his quill unceasingly taking notes. There certainly was a distinct warm and bright afternoon laziness in the air, which rendered Sirius completely unable to pay the slightest bit of attention to Mr Binns’ monotonous recital of Gargoyle Strike of 1911 facts.

Instead, his gaze was resting on the side of Remus’ face, quasi-secretly taking in the way the sun glistened in his sand and honey coloured hair, the way that that one scar ran across the bridge of his nose like a vein of ore, the way that his eyelids lowered over his brilliantly green irises, the way his soft, yet always a little chapped lips feebly formed silent words here and there as he wrote them down...

“Sirius, you’re staring.”

“You’re just now noticing?” Sirius purred back at Remus’ whispered observation.

“I was busy taking notes, which you’ll be thankful for later.”

“I’ve been staring at you longer than that.”

“Stop it…” Remus mumbled, quieter now, a slight blush tinting his cheeks and ears, which Sirius noticed to his great delight.

“Surely, you don’t actually mean it, do you?”

“Stop it, Sirius…” He repeated with even less conviction in his voice.

“What do you think they’re planning? To get us together?” Sirius perked up slightly, genuinely eager to dive into speculation about the topic. In all honesty, anything that had to do with Remus had been his favourite topic lately -- or not so lately.

“I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it too,” the boy’s eyebrows slowly knit together over his thoughtful eyes. “I can’t imagine anything that would require James and Lily to go on a fake date.”

“You can’t use your own logic for this. We need to think like them,” Sirius grinned.

“Ah yes… We must think like someone who’s gotten hit in the head by a bludger more times than I have fingers.”

“Hey!” Sirius protested and then shrugged apologetically, remembering he was in the middle of a classroom. “I’ve gotten hit by a bludger too. Read the room, Moony.”

“So you have. That’s why I talk so slowly whenever you’re around,” Remus whispered and gave Sirius a smile that might have been intended as an expression of mischief but in reality looked more flirtatious than anything else.

“And yet,” Sirius leaned in a little closer, speaking a little quieter, feeling a little giddier, “I happen to be where you choose to lay your affections.”

“I never claimed to be perfect…”

“You’re such a tease, Moony.”

“You bring it out of me,” Remus mumbled as he bit down on his lip, evidently determined to bridle his grin. “When do you think they’ll carry out their secret plan?”

“Hm… I don’t know, there’s not really anything special happening anytime soon. The Quidditch game, maybe?”

“But surely, James can’t be on a fake date with Lily if he’s playing Quidditch?”

“Good point. D’you think they’ll fake an injury? That’s probably very likely, statistically speaking.”

“Statistically speaking?” Remus shot him a curious glance.

“Fake injuries tend to be the driving force of a lot of our successful pranks, don’t they?” Sirius grinned.

Just then, the bell rang throughout the castle and all the students started getting up from their desks and funneling out into the hallways. Sirius and Remus both shoved their belongings into their bags and started heading for the door of the classroom along with their fellow sixth years.

“Why is Suzy McGregor giving you weird looks?” Sirius gently nudged Remus’ ribcage. “What?” He asked when Remus took a deep breath and sighed.

“I yelled at her..?

“You yelled at her?..”

“That I’m gay…”

“You...pardon?”

“I thought she was trying to ask me out…” Remus kept trailing off as he spoke, determined to slowly but surely power through this embarrassing tale, holding his wide glossy gaze straight ahead as they walked out into the corridor.

“But she wasn’t?” Sirius offered curiously.

“She just wanted some butterbeer…”

“But not on a date with you?”

“No. I’m not invited to drink butterbeer with her.”

“Why’d you--”

“She chose very confusing wording to lead with, alright? And besides,” Remus finally met Sirius’ eyes, “it’s not like I don’t ever get asked out by people.”

“I wasn’t trying to imply,” Sirius smiled brightly. “I mean, I asked you out myself, didn’t I? What?” His expression clouded over with a confused kind of smile when Remus laughed.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that asking someone out.”

“Well you should look up the definition of asking someone out because that was exactly it!”

“You asked me to help you with homework. Exactly like you’ve done dozens of times before.”

“If not hundreds. But that’s not the point,” Sirius whispered hastily as they were overtaken by a group of Ravenclaw sixth years. “I’m sure it’s nothing compared to whatever Vincent would have done,” he blurted out without thinking.

“Vincent?” Remus repeated that name as if he’d never heard it before, to Sirius’ vague delight. “What’s he got to do with anything?” He was smiling now.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty fond of him…” Sirius trailed off this time, unsure where he was going. For some reason, all of a sudden, he simply wanted to know that he was more important and special to Remus than the French git -- which was a ridiculous thought, seeing as they’d been inseparable friends for years.

“I think that’s a bit of an overstatement.”

“It is?”

“Are you jealous?” A big smile blossomed over Remus’ mouth as he uttered the question.

“Should I be?” Sirius shrugged nonchalantly as he thought to himself that he was, he absolutely was.

“Sirius.”

“Remus?”

Without another word (albeit with a roll of his eyes), Moony grabbed Sirius’ hand and swiftly dragged him into the nearest classroom - which conveniently happened to be one that they often counted on to be empty, for it hadn’t been used for lessons in at least two years.

Before he could figure out what was happening, Sirius found himself pinned against a cold stone wall. Remus’ left hand traveled up to touch his face, ever so gently, to rest along his jawline, as he kissed him slowly and deliberately. Sirius was dimly aware of Moony’s other hand holding his, their fingers laced through each other loosely, yet without intention to let go. He couldn’t comprehend how he had spent so many years without being kissed by this beautiful boy like that.

When Remus pulled away slightly, just enough for their foreheads and noses to still touch, Sirius managed to stammer out, “Moony?”

“Mhm?”

“Where...where did you learn to do this?”

Remus recoiled now, a sheepish smile painted across his beautiful, flushed face. “Sod off, Padfoot.” He turned around on his heel.

“No, I’m serious!” The black haired boy followed him out into the corridor, a giddy grin crowning his own features. “Is this how you kiss other people too?”

“I don’t kiss other people, Sirius…” Remus narrowed his eyes ever so slightly when the other boy caught up with him.

“But in the past!”

“Are you...are you retroactively jealous?”

“Only if you have kissed other people like that,” Sirius mumbled, only half jokingly.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to conduct a survey to see what they have to say.”

“Such a tease,” Sirius smirked at his boyfriend.

He felt so in love and so happy as they walked towards one of the moving staircases. It almost seemed to him as though there had to be a catch to it, as though complete bliss like this wasn’t meant to be free. But whatever the price could be, all he cared about were those green eyes, full of joy and love.

“Oi, Sirius!” James’ voice bellowed over the excited clamour of the hallways. “I’ve been-- Are you two alright?” His demeanor changed instantly when he approached the two boys.

“Yeah, why?” Remus shrugged while Sirius continued to float in the pleasant haze of his own mind.

“Pads is clinging to your arm… Are you hurt?”

“Oh, that,” Remus chuckled and gently peeled Sirius’ fingers off from around his forearm. To Sirius’ own surprise, however, he couldn’t remember how or when his fingers ended up wrapped around it in the first place. “I think I might have broken him…”

“What did you do?”

“I, er…”

“I’ll tell you later, Prongs,” Sirius finally rejoined the reality and their conversation. “So what about you and Evans?” He asked, foolishly - and very much aware of it - hoping that he could nudge James and his mysterious plan into motion a little faster.

“What do you mean?”

“When are you going to get together?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you been telling me to forget about her and get over it at least once a week for the past year?”

“Nonsense! Have you been asking her out lately?”

“No…” James narrowed his eyes.

“You were looking for him?” Remus reminded with a nod towards Sirius.

“Ah, yes… Bad news - Quidditch is postponed until next week.”

“Why?” Sirius attempted to sound somewhat interested in the topic, while in all honesty, he was starting to become impatient about an entirely different thing.

“There was a break in at one of Hogsmeade shops. The school,” James uttered these words rather contemptuously, “feels it would be unwise to have the overwhelming majority of pupils out in the open grounds so close to a suspected Death Eater attack.”

“How dare the school,” Remus nodded with a solemn expression; a heartwarming attempt at solidarity.

Sirius, in the meantime, was getting lost in his head again. He was thinking about how much he wanted to tell James that Remus kissed him in Hogsmeade. He wanted all his friends to know. And he wanted to hold Remus’ hand all the time and kiss him whenever he wanted. Sneaking around might have sounded exciting in theory, but he didn’t think that now. And not only that - he wanted everyone to know that they were together, he wanted the whole school to see him with Moony and to realise just how much luckier Sirius was than all of them. He wanted all the students to talk about how much they loved each other and what a lovely couple the two made. He wanted the whole staff to be on the lookout for the snogging in the hallways. He wanted to be able to share his intoxicating happiness with everyone and anyone.

* * *

James pushed a couple of second years out of his way as he darted through the portrait hole, into the common room. He threw a half-hearted apology at them, without so much as a glance, as he made a beeline for the far corner of the room, where a collection of old, red velvet clad furniture crowded around the fireplace.

“Why is everyone talking about how Remus Lupin came out as gay in the common room?!” He stopped in front of the boy in question, his hands on his hips, a subconscious mirror of his mother.

“Wh-- Who’s talking about it?” Remus scrunched his nose, his body frozen halfway through a flinch, the book that he had been reading now lying face up in his lap.

“Who’s...he’s asking me who’s…” James muttered bitterly. “My sources, alright?”

“Your sour--”

“Why am I, once again, forced to learn about things like that from other people?!”

“I didn’t--”

“How do you think that makes me look!?”

“I--”

“Makes me look like a bad friend, Remus! Do you think I’m a bad friend?”

“No…”

“Then why wouldn’t you tell me before you start going around telling the whole school?”

“I didn’t--”

“Nevermind that, I have to go send an owl to my parents to stop asking you about girlfriends.”

“Oh, it’s really alright, they’ve only asked a handful of times--” Remus mumbled feebly, obviously very confused by James’ outburst.

“A handful too many!”

“Prongs, it’s hones--”

“They might start pestering you about boyfriends though…”

“That’s...that’s fine with me, James,” Remus smiled brightly out of the blue.

“Hm, I’ll think about it… Either way, I need to ask for more of mum’s flapjack…”

“You do that, James.”

“I hope you didn’t not tell me that you’re gay because you thought I’d do something ridiculous, like disapprove or give a broom riding fuck at all, honestly. Unless you started fancying me...you know my heart belongs to Evans.”

“I know, James,” Remus was positively radiant now.

“Good. Right. I’ll go send that owl then. Jaffa Cakes?” James lingered on the spot.

“That’d be lovely. Send your parents my love.”

“Will do. Sorry for raising my voice,” he added after a moment’s consideration.

“That’s quite alright.”

“Let me know if anyone gives you grief about it.”

“Thanks, James,” Remus beamed at him, at which he nodded and turned around on his heel.

Now that he’d gone through with the confrontation, his mind was catching up with what had happened - he had overheard a handful of Gryffindors talking about Remus and how he had told Suzy McGregor that he’s gay. Of course, James was aware of Remus’ sexuality, he just never talked to him about it - he wanted to give his friend all the time and space he needed rather than force him to come out if he wasn’t ready. And when he heard those kids talking about it, he couldn’t help but feel hurt; hurt that Remus didn’t feel like he could talk to James, perhaps?

And - just like most things James would get riled up about - now it turned out to not be a big deal at all. Once he paused to think about it, James realised that more than anything, he was worried that Remus would feel like he needed to hide his sexuality just like he’d been hiding his lycanthropy. And if that ever turned out to be the case, he silently swore to himself to do anything he could to make Remus feel like he didn’t have to be ashamed about any part of his wonderful existence.

As James was crossing the common room, deep in thought, he almost walked right past Sirius, who had just descended from the dormitories.

“Were you aware that Remus is, in fact, very much not straight?” James grabbed his arm and pulled him closer.

“Er…” Sirius briefly stared off across the room before returning his gaze to James’ face. “Vaguely.”

“As in, he’s very much gay.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Did he already tell you!?” James gasped.

“Not exclusively, no.”

“Well? Aren’t you happy about it?!”

“Oh! Yes, very!” Sirius nodded a tad too vigorously.

“Do you not fancy him anymore?” James screwed up his face in confusion. He’d been finding himself growing more and more exasperated lately; he couldn’t figure out why his two friends were being such idiots and was beginning to put more and more stock into Lily and Peter’s plan.

“Oh no, I do. I very much do.”

“Why won’t you just tell him?!” James whispered hotly, gesturing his arms around.

“Oh, you know,” Sirius shrugged, “because we’re friends and all that jazz, I guess.”

“Are you sure you still fancy him?”

“Yes. Aren’t you?”

“You haven’t been whining about him lately.”

“I don’t whine, excuse you,” Sirius puffed out his chest dramatically.

At this, James let out an amused laugh. “Sure. You want to walk to the owlery with me?”

“Uh…” Sirius stared off again. “I needed to talk to Remus, actually. About the study group thing...”

“You know, if the boy doesn’t figure out that the only reason you attend his study groups is so that you could stare at him, then maybe I’ve overestimated his intelligence…”

“How dare you,” Sirius popped his eyes in another facetious gesture. “I care about my education, that’s all.”

“Mhm.” James arched his eyebrows and watched Sirius walking away for a few moments before continuing on his way.

Some thirty minutes later, James was back at the portrait hole, giving the Fat Lady the password, when Lily caught up with him.

“Potter,” she nodded with comical gravitas.

“Evans,” he mirrored her. “Coming back from a Dorks Anonymous meeting?” He cast a glance at the stack of books in her arms.

“Is that your new seduction tactic?” She squeezed past him, through the portrait hole into the common room.

“Is it working?”

Lily opened her mouth, as if about to say something, but then just laughed, melting James’ heart just a tad more.

“Say, have you noticed anything strange about Remus and Sirius?”

“Yes, actually,” she stepped aside, out of the way of people climbing in and out the common room entrance, and turned to James. “I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but they seem to have started acting a lot less...annoying?”

“Yes!” James grabbed Lily’s shoulders excitedly and gave her a light shake. “Sirius hasn’t been whining...at all, really. ”

“And Remus isn’t staring at Sirius with that pining look at mealtimes. In fact, I saw him hand feed Sirius at lunch the other day.”

“I’ve seen Remus braid Sirius’ hair at least three times this week.”

“I’m so confused… Why won’t they just get it over with and get together?”

“You know, I’m starting to think your plan will prove to be a necessity…”

“Oh, interesting.” Lily shuffled her weight on one foot and raised an eyebrow as she shot him a sly smirk. “I seem to remember you calling it a waste of our time.”

“Can’t hurt to try, can it?” James shrugged defensively, trying not to stare at her lips too obviously as he did.

“Well, we’ve just got a couple more weeks before the next Hogsmeade trip. We’ll have to start thinking about how to fake this date,” Lily grimaced.

“I do have feelings, you know. You could at least pretend to not be repulsed by the idea,” James pouted.

“I’m not! That’s not what I mean…”

“I’m just yanking your wand, Evans,” he chuckled and fell into step beside her when she started for their usual corner of the common room.

Before they even reached their friends, they exchanged very eloquent looks at the sight of Sirius perched up on the armrest of Remus’ chair - they seemed to have formed a new habit of sharing a seat whenever they could get away with it (anytime they weren’t in class).

“Sirius,” Lily squinted at him, “are you wearing Remus’ sweater vest?..”

James’ eyes darted to Sirius, his face screwing up in a horrible realisation that he had somehow missed that detail up until then.

“This?” Sirius tugged at the hem of it. “Yep.”

“But…” James peered at him. “You always make fun of it. You hate it, don’t you!?”

“Hate it!? Dear Merlin, of course I don’t hate it.”

“I’ve literally heard you describe this exact piece of clothing as a ‘poor shoe shiner child’s uniform’, multiple times.”

“Dragondung, I would never say that.”

“No, actually,” Remus interjected with a very indulgent smirk, lowering his book in his lap, his index finger marking the page, “I too remember you saying those exact words.”

#i've been so busy with work #also both my physical and mental health crumbling to pieces #this certainly ain't my best work #but here it is #fanfic #Wolfstar fanfiction #hogwarts #marauders #sirius black #remus lupin #lily evans #james potter

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ruvviks · 1 year

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– OC TAG GAME.

TAGGED BY: @aragorngf, @devilbrakers & @aartyom, thank you so much!! TAGGING: @reaperkiller, @faarkas, @morvaris, @cultistbase, @swordcoasts, @katsigian, @ncytiri, @adelaidedrubman, @henbased, @strafethesesinners, @shellibisshe, @dickytwister and YOU! – picrew director's commentary: did this one without including ocs from original stories because those guys go waaayyy back LMAO so i'm only including (semi) familiar faces here :D

– FAVORITE OC.

vitali dobrynin [cp2077]

alright fine you got me i KNOW vincent is the main character but this cunt has bewitched me body and soul officially now. sexy as hell in both the past and the present, gives me gender envy on a daily basis, i need to study him in a petri dish i need to wrap him in a blanket i need to pick him apart like a little lego figure i need to bend him over the nearest surface. do you understand me. he is fucking everything to me

– NEWEST OC.

kitty bennett [cp2077]

i create new guys so often but i think she's the newest one! kitty is reid's older sister and she recently FINALLY divorced her piece of shit husband and now she's showing her face in night city again to bother the shit out of her younger brother :^) she's got twins and they're taller than their uncle at the fresh age of 11 and that will forever be hilarious to me. i'm still spinning more ideas around for her but she's also very tall that's one thing i know

– OLDEST OC.

rafael rodriguez [jc3]

i don't actually know if he's my oldest oc of all of them but i feel like he is?? very self indulgent one because there's no fandom here but i loved the game so i made a little guy for it :^) most tired little man in all of medici and he hasn't changed all that much since i created him i just made him More tired over the years. someone please let him take a nap he's been awake for three consecutive days now

– MEANEST OC.

michele diaz [cp2077]

the baddest bitch out there in my honest opinion but also all she's ever done is constantly manipulate everyone around her so. hee hee!! she will make you feel so so safe around her until she doesn't need you anymore and then she tears you apart and you'll end up in shambles for the rest of your life. if she even lets you live in the first place. so yeas definitely not one of my nicest ocs i shan't lie!! cold and ruthless and likes ordering people around and doesn't care about the consequences of her actions. turned into a monster by militech and now she's constantly showing everyone her teeth but what can you do other than play the cards you've been given

– SOFTEST OC.

luna serratos [cp2077]

this one was difficult because a lot of my ocs have a very big soft side but i think luna is one of the few of them who's actually like. more than 95% soft. mostly because of the fact they're not a mercenary of some sort like most of my cyberpunk ocs LMAO luna is the one who patches everyone up after the gig is done and they're always so gentle with those around them even if they're complete strangers. that's how she met cassidy and by definition the rest of the gang too :^) throughout the entire story she remains a constant in everyone's life and despite all the horrible things that happen, not at any point does luna turn to the mercenary life themself. they have this very strong belief that they can make themself the most useful as a medic and as a friend, not as a fighter or an enemy

– MOST ALOOF/STANDOFFISH OC.

nathan dixon [tew]

man who will just stand there and autism stare at you until you start talking to him. and then he continues to do that actually he just occasionally says some words back (if you're lucky). he's mostly just distant because a lot of people have hurt him in the past so he doesn't warm up to others well or quickly, and he tries to look at everything very objectively so a lot of people would think he just doesn't care. which is honestly true a lot of the time actually. elevator music playing in his brain on loop

– DUMBEST (AFFECTIONATE) OC.

aubrey valentine [cp2077]

where the fuck do i even begin mein fucking gott aubrey. he's so. <3 like genuinely he is in fact very intelligent and capable he's running a fixer business and a club right now with the same kind of job guarantee + safety levels as vitali's business so he's got it all!! but he's also just dumb as bricks!!!! his siblings (three sisters and a trans brother) have successfully managed to convince him he will get his period at some point in his life. any day now aubrey. he eats crayons. sand. anything really he's eaten glass before (the counter is on five. he's still alive somehow. don't ask) and he'll do it again. will confidently use a random word in a sentence believing he's used it right but by god he is not right. he can drive but he also can't drive but he also can't not drive. he doesn't know what a horse is

– SMARTEST OC.

vatha nefiti [d&d]

this one was very difficult because vatha is in a party with artyom (nuclear artificer), lorelei (chronomancy wizard) and sascha (cthulhu warlock) but i think she (cryogenetics sorcerer) can be considered the smartest because she's got like. Everything. the high wisdom high intelligence high charisma kind of stat combination. they love reading books and learning things about the places they visit and have all this information stored in their memories but at the same time she also knows a LOT about surviving and living on the road, and she's usually the one to handle business with people they help. beacon of knowledge but also very passive in it, they're not someone who would rub it in your face but the party knows that if they need any sort of information, ask vatha LMAO

– OC YOU'D BE BEST FRIENDS WITH IRL.

reuben de la rosa [cp2077]

the sweetest little guy ever to exist he would be SUCH a nice friend to have. excited about basically everything, gives great hugs, always has Something to talk about and he will include you in Everything so you'll never ever feel left out or lonely basically. i wouldn't let him cook for me though he exploded an egg in the microwave once 🥚🤯

#tag games #ask:aubrey #ask:kitty #ask:luna #ask:michele #ask:nathan #ask:rafael #ask:reuben #ask:vatha #ask:vitali #yeah that's all of them i think LMAO hiii #yeah i'm normal about my ocs why do you ask

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maticide666 · 3 years

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my eurovision top 39 songs (finally)

anyway i finally got my top 39 completed. under a read more because it can get kinda long with the commentary i added klfdja;sflk (and by that i mean VERY long, maybe a wall of text if i have a lot to say about the song.)

none of this takes rehearsals into account.

basically, 39-37 i don't like, 36-35 are meh, 34-25 are decent, 24-18 are good, 17-12 i enjoy listening to a lot, 11-4 i love, and I would pay for votes for top 3 if i could.

39. Azerbaijan - Efendi - Mata Hari - Honestly, I kinda want to like this song. The instrumentation is nice, especially with the Azeri instruments. Efendi's vocals are ok during the verses. However, her vocals during the MA-MA-MA-MATA HARI part makes this song utterly unlistenable for me. It is just so distracting and ear-grating. Not great for my sensitive ears. And that is without taking anything else into account.

38. Estonia - Uku Suviste - The Lucky One - For some reason reminds me of a boring modern country song. Bland af. At least the melody of the chorus is nice.

37. Cyprus - Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo - Discount Lady Gaga at the best points of this song. Feels like three songs at once. Also, the lyrics seem like they just went all "What Spanish-sounding words sound spicy? Taco? Tamale? Mamacita?" As a Spanish speaker and as someone of Mexican descent who enjoys those foods, this annoys the living shit out of me. At least I can make El Diablo/Fallen Angel memes out of this. (Honestly, I don't mind the gratuitous Spanish with the words El Diablo.) Also, this song got real old real quick.

36. Slovenia - Ana Soklič - Amen - The gospel vibe is nice, but there is just too much Christianity in it for me to enjoy this song. Sorry, Ana.

35. Moldova - Natalia Gordienko - Sugar - Sounds like a sugary version of Siren Song by MARUV. Kinda boring, but enjoyable in the right circumstances.

34. Georgia - Tornike Kipiani - You - Good to listen to when mind feels blank. At first I kinda liked this song, but nowadays this song has lost its charm. This won't sound out of place alongside boring 70s slow classic rock songs.

33. Austria - Vincent Bueno - Amen - Not something I would listen to regularly, but still nice. For me, easily the biggest downgrade from 2020.

32. Greece - Stefania - Last Dance - Pleasant to listen to, not much else.

31. Portugal - The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side - Good song, but not my cup of tea. Unfortunately, some great songs have to be near the bottom of my ranking.

30. Germany - Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate - A fun song to listen to. The novelty wears off after a while. The feel good vibes and ukulele are nice.

29. Israel - Eden Alene - Set Me Free - the song release version was bland and boring, but the revamp. Now THAT is good stuff. The song doesn't seem so empty anymore. I miss the key change from the original, though.

28. Spain - Blas Cantó - Voy A Quedarme - A very emotional and beautiful song from Spain. Again, not usually my cup of tea. However, the melody somehow gives me a nostalgic vibe.

27. North Macedonia - Vasil - Here I Stand - DAMN Vasil has a lovely voice. Nice that he's showing it off here. Too slow of a song for me to enjoy regularly, though.

26. Albania - Anxhela Peristeri - Karma - I don't have much to say other than this song is nice.

25. Bulgaria - VICTORIA - Growing Up Is Getting Old - Pleasant to listen to, but depending on my mood I think this is a beautiful song but not my cup of tea or a complete snoozefest.

24. Serbia - Hurricane - Loco Loco - Fun song, but it feels like something is lacking, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

23. San Marino - Senhit - Adrenalina - Once the initial hype from Flo Rida being on the song died down, this became another typical Eurovision bop.

22. Sweden - Tusse - Voices - At first I thought the song was completely unremarkable and couldn't understand how this won Melodifestivalen. Nowadays it's a nice song to chill to. I gotta respect a perfect televote score from the national final.

21. Ireland - Lesley Roy - MAPS - nice.

20. Croatia - Albina - Tick Tock - Grew on me slightly. Shoutout for including a verse in Croatian.

19. Switzerland - Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers - Another grower for me. Doesn't hit as hard as his song from last year, but I dig it.

18. France - Barbara Pravi - Voilà - Lovely chanson right here. I wish it didn't take forever to pick up, though. I was about to completely give up on this song in the middle of my first listen. I'm glad I didn't.

17. Belgium - Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place - Classy. Not much else to say.

16. Ukraine - Go-A - Shum - I'd definitely go rave to this song. I kept finding this song hard to rank due to the white voice. I couldn't decide if I absolutely adored it or if I found it grating. Maybe I just wasn't feeling well when I first thought about it.

15. Lithuania - The Roop - Discoteque - Lots of fun, doesn't have the charm that On Fire had last year. I would dance to this song.

14. Poland - RAFAŁ - The Ride - I actually kinda like this song???? Even with Rafal's vocals??? I know he has political controversies, but I can't help but think this song is nice. A better, less controversial singer would benefit this song, though. I'm not counting the revamp just yet since it was released too recently.

13. Latvia - Samanta Tīna - The Moon Is Rising - This song gives me nostalgic mid to late 2000s hip hop vibes. The guitars in this song are lovely.

12. Romania - ROXEN - Amnesia - Definitely something that can put me in a trance if I'm in the right mood.

11. Czechia - Benny Cristo - omaga - Nice, catchy, I would dance to this.

10. Malta - Destiny - Je Me Casse - Damn, Destiny has a lovely voice! And the song itself is wonderful. I'm not a fan of the amount of Swedish talent being used instead of Maltese talent, but I really do enjoy listening to this.

9. Denmark - Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden - another really fun song! This really grew on me. Nowadays if I want to listen to a Eurovision song, this is one of the first songs I think of.

8. The Netherlands - Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age - I can vibe with this. You can hear the passion in this song. I wish I could let my body do the talking right now, but y'all can't see that with just a tumblr text post.

7. Russia - Manizha - Russian Woman - I was NOT expecting this to come out of Russia when it won the national final. I wasn't expecting to like this either. The message is great, the instrumental is great, everything about this is brilliant.

6. United Kingdom - James Newman - Embers - A funky song. I LOVE James's voice. Massive upgrade from last year in my opinion. I'm a sucker for brass in an upbeat song. Unfortunately, I have had the staging kinda spoiled and I am VERY skeptical about this coming out of bottom five. I'm done with the BBC.

5. Australia - Montaigne - Technicolour - There is a Lot happening in this song and I am all in for it. I'm kinda terrible at parsing lyrics, but it's a non-issue when I can follow Montaigne's voice and forget about the lyrics. Ironically enough, it's Montaigne's voice that also worries me this Eurovision season - mostly whether she was able to pull off her live on tape performance off.

4. Iceland - Daði og Gagnamagnið - 10 Years - I didn't think Daði could pull it off against this year, but he did it. I like this just a little more than Think About Things, which was my favorite song last year. I'm still a little gutted that this pandemic robbed him of a probable victory, but I've made peace with it. I still need to learn the dance moves, though.

3. Italy - Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni - FUCK YEAH A KICKASS ROCK SONG IN EUROVISION! This song gave me massive rock en español vibes on my fist listen, and honestly this is something I would bang my head to if I had the same body I did when I was 15.

2. Norway - TIX - Fallen Angel - I was not expecting to like this song much, let alone becoming THIS obsessed with TIX. In fact, he wasn't even on my radar for winning MGP. I listened to Ut Av Mørket for the first time and thought something like 'this is boring af, but at least it's in Norwegian'. And then he changed it to English, which I wasn't a fan of at first. And then one day the lyrics clicked - especially with my own struggles with mental illness. To this day this is one of only two Eurovision songs to actually make me cry. Even now he still isn't my MGP winner (that honor goes to JORN), but he has definitely won my heart.

1. Finland - Blind Channel - Dark Side - To say that this song kicks ass would be an understatement for me. This song has just the right mix of rock, pop, and even metal. Ever since I found out that this song would be in the national final, I knew that it would be my favorite this whole Eurovision season regardless of who won UMK. Yes, my jaw dropped when I saw the lead Blind Channel had in UMK. I literally cancelled my plans to watch the MGP final live because of these guys. I am not disappointed. Even Måneskin couldn't bring these guys down in my ranking. And while the lyrics might be a bit iffy, they did get me through rough times. I hope these guys are able to bring rock music back like they want to. But for now, I will give them my (useless tbh) douze points.

#eurovision #esc #this post took me two days #and even longer to actually rank everything #mostly because half the time i couldn't decide which song i liked more #so something gerbear's sorter couldn't help with #i'm tired rn #of course my top 3 is predictable

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path-of-my-childhood · 5 years

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The Rolling Stone Interview: Taylor Swift

By: Brian Hiatt for The Rolling Stone Magazine Date: September 18th 2019

In her most in-depth and introspective interview in years, Swift tells all about the rocky road to 'Lover' and much, much more.

Taylor Swift bursts into her mom’s Nashville kitchen, smiling, looking remarkably like Taylor Swift. (That red-lip, classic thing? Check.) “I need someone to help dye my hair pink,” she says, and moments later, her ends match her sparkly nail polish, sneakers, and the stripes on her button-down. It’s all in keeping with the pastel aesthetic of her new album, Lover; black-leather combat-Taylor from her previous album cycle has handed back the phone. Around the black-granite kitchen island, all is calm and normal, as Swift’s mom, dad, and younger brother pass through. Her mom’s two dogs, one very small, one very large, pounce upon visitors with slurping glee. It could be any 29-year-old’s weekend visit with her parents, if not for the madness looming a few feet down the hall.

In an airy terrace, 113 giddy, weepy, shaky, still-in-disbelief fans are waiting for the start of one of Swift’s secret sessions, sacred rituals in Swift-dom. She’s about to play them her seventh album, as-yet unreleased on this Sunday afternoon in early August, and offer copious commentary. Also, she made cookies. Just before the session, Swift sits down in her mom’s study (where she “operates the Google,” per her daughter) to chat for a few minutes. The black-walled room is decorated with black-and-white classic-rock photos, including shots of Bruce Springsteen and, unsurprisingly, James Taylor; there are also more recent shots of Swift posing with Kris Kristofferson and playing with Def Leppard, her mom’s favorite band.

In a corner is an acoustic guitar Swift played as a teenager. She almost certainly wrote some well-known songs on it, but can’t recall which ones. “It would be kind of weird to finish a song and be like, ‘And this moment, I shall remember,’'” she says, laughing. “‘This guitar hath been anointed with my sacred tuneage!'”

The secret session itself is, as the name suggests, deeply off-the-record; it can be confirmed that she drank some white wine, since her glass pops up in some Instagram pictures. She stays until 5 a.m., chatting and taking photos with every one of the fans. Five hours later, we continue our talk at length in Swift’s Nashville condo, in almost exactly the same spot where we did one of our interviews for her 2012 Rolling Stone cover story. She’s hardly changed its whimsical decor in the past seven years (one of the few additions is a pool table replacing the couch where we sat last time), so it’s an old-Taylor time capsule. There’s still a huge bunny made of moss in one corner, and a human-size birdcage in the living room, though the view from the latter is now of generic new condo buildings instead of just distant green hills. Swift is barefoot now, in pale-blue jeans and a blue button-down tied at the waist; her hair is pulled back, her makeup minimal.

How to sum up the past three years of Taylor Swift? In July 2016, after Swift expressed discontent with Kanye West’s “Famous,” Kim Kardashian did her best to destroy her, unleashing clandestine recordings of a phone conversation between Swift and West. In the piecemeal audio, Swift can be heard agreeing to the line “…me and Taylor might still have sex.” We don’t hear her learning about the next lyric, the one she says bothered her — “I made that bitch famous” — and as she’ll explain, there’s more to her side of the story. The backlash was, well, swift, and overwhelming. It still hasn’t altogether subsided. Later that year, Swift chose not to make an endorsement in the 2016 election, which definitely didn’t help. In the face of it all, she made Reputation — fierce, witty, almost-industrial pop offset by love songs of crystalline beauty — and had a wildly successful stadium tour. Somewhere in there, she met her current boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, and judging by certain songs on Lover, the relationship is serious indeed.

Lover is Swift’s most adult album, a rebalancing of sound and persona that opens doors to the next decade of her career; it’s also a welcome return to the sonic diversity of 2012’s Red, with tracks ranging from the St. Vincent-assisted über-bop “Cruel Summer” to the unbearably poignant country-fied “Soon You’ll Get Better” (with the Dixie Chicks) and the “Shake It Off”-worthy pep of “Paper Rings.”

She wants to talk about the music, of course, but she is also ready to explain the past three years of her life, in depth, for the first time. The conversation is often not a light one. She’s built up more armor in the past few years, but still has the opposite of a poker face — you can see every micro-emotion wash over her as she ponders a question, her nose wrinkling in semi-ironic offense at the term “old-school pop stars,” her preposterously blue eyes glistening as she turns to darker subjects. In her worst moments, she says, “You feel like you’re being completely pulled into a riptide. So what are you going to do? Splash a lot? Or hold your breath and hope you somehow resurface? And that’s what I did. And it took three years. Sitting here doing an interview — the fact that we’ve done an interview before is the only reason I’m not in a full body sweat.”

When we talked seven years ago, everything was going so well for you, and you were very worried that something would go wrong. Yeah, I kind of knew it would. I felt like I was walking along the sidewalk, knowing eventually the pavement was going to crumble and I was gonna fall through. You can’t keep winning and have people like it. People love “new” so much — they raise you up the flagpole, and you’re waving at the top of the flagpole for a while. And then they’re like, “Wait, this new flag is what we actually love.” They decide something you’re doing is incorrect, that you’re not standing for what you should stand for. You’re a bad example. Then if you keep making music and you survive, and you keep connecting with people, eventually they raise you a little bit up the flagpole again, and then they take you back down, and back up again. And it happens to women more than it happens to men in music.

It also happened to you a few times on a smaller scale, didn’t it? I’ve had several upheavals in my career. When I was 18, they were like, “She doesn’t really write those songs.” So my third album I wrote by myself as a reaction to that. Then they decided I was a serial dater — a boy-crazy man-eater — when I was 22. And so I didn’t date anyone for, like, two years. And then they decided in 2016 that absolutely everything about me was wrong. If I did something good, it was for the wrong reasons. If I did something brave, I didn’t do it correctly. If I stood up for myself, I was throwing a tantrum. And so I found myself in this endless mockery echo chamber. It’s just like — I have a brother who’s two and a half years younger, and we spent the first half of our lives trying to kill each other and the second half as best friends. You know that game kids play? I’d be like, “Mom, can I have some water?” And Austin would be like, “Mom, can I have some water?” And I’m like, “He’s copying me.” And he’d be like, “He’s copying me.” Always in a really obnoxious voice that sounds all twisted. That’s what it felt like in 2016. So I decided to just say nothing. It wasn’t really a decision. It was completely involuntary.

But you also had good things happen in your life at the same time — that’s part of Reputation. The moments of my true story on that album are songs like “Delicate,” “New Year’s Day,” “Call It What You Want,” “Dress.” The one-two punch, bait-and-switch of Reputation is that it was actually a love story. It was a love story in amongst chaos. All the weaponized sort of metallic battle anthems were what was going on outside. That was the battle raging on that I could see from the windows, and then there was what was happening inside my world — my newly quiet, cozy world that was happening on my own terms for the first time. . . . It’s weird, because in some of the worst times of my career, and reputation, dare I say, I had some of the most beautiful times — in my quiet life that I chose to have. And I had some of the most incredible memories with the friends I now knew cared about me, even if everyone hated me. The bad stuff was really significant and damaging. But the good stuff will endure. The good lessons — you realize that you can’t just show your life to people.

Meaning? I used to be like a golden retriever, just walking up to everybody, like, wagging my tail. “Sure, yeah, of course! What do you want to know? What do you need?” Now, I guess, I have to be a little bit more like a fox.

Do your regrets on that extend to the way the “girl squad” thing was perceived? Yeah, I never would have imagined that people would have thought, “This is a clique that wouldn’t have accepted me if I wanted to be in it.” Holy shit, that hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, “Oh, this did not go the way that I thought it was going to go.” I thought it was going to be we can still stick together, just like men are allowed to do. The patriarchy allows men to have bro packs. If you’re a male artist, there’s an understanding that you have respect for your counterparts.

Whereas women are expected to be feuding with each other? It’s assumed that we hate each other. Even if we’re smiling and photographed together with our arms around each other, it’s assumed there’s a knife in our pocket.

How much of a danger was there of falling into that thought pattern yourself? The messaging is dangerous, yes. Nobody is immune, because we’re a product of what society and peer groups and now the internet tells us, unless we learn differently from experience.

You once sang about a star who “took the money and your dignity, and got the hell out.” In 2016, you wrote in your journal, “This summer is the apocalypse.” How close did you come to quitting altogether? I definitely thought about that a lot. I thought about how words are my only way of making sense of the world and expressing myself — and now any words I say or write are being twisted against me. People love a hate frenzy. It’s like piranhas. People had so much fun hating me, and they didn’t really need very many reasons to do it. I felt like the situation was pretty hopeless. I wrote a lot of really aggressively bitter poems constantly. I wrote a lot of think pieces that I knew I’d never publish, about what it’s like to feel like you’re in a shame spiral. And I couldn’t figure out how to learn from it. Because I wasn’t sure exactly what I did that was so wrong. That was really hard for me, because I cannot stand it when people can’t take criticism. So I try to self-examine, and even though that’s really hard and hurts a lot sometimes, I really try to understand where people are coming from when they don’t like me. And I completely get why people wouldn’t like me. Because, you know, I’ve had my insecurities say those things — and things 1,000 times worse.

But some of your former critics have become your friends, right? Some of my best friendships came from people publicly criticizing me and then it opening up a conversation. Hayley Kiyoko was doing an interview and she made an example about how I get away with singing about straight relationships and people don’t give me shit the way they give her shit for singing about girls — and it’s totally valid. Like, Ella — Lorde — the first thing she ever said about me publicly was a criticism of my image or whatever. But I can’t really respond to someone saying, “You, as a human being, are fake.” And if they say you’re playing the victim, that completely undermines your ability to ever verbalize how you feel unless it’s positive. So, OK, should I just smile all the time and never say anything hurts me? Because that’s really fake. Or should I be real about how I’m feeling and have valid, legitimate responses to things that happened to me in my life? But wait, would that be playing the victim?

How do you escape that mental trap? Since I was 15 years old, if people criticized me for something, I changed it. So you realize you might be this amalgamation of criticisms that were hurled at you, and not an actual person who’s made any of these choices themselves. And so I decided I needed to live a quiet life, because a quiet personal life invites no discussion, dissection, and debate. I didn’t realize I was inviting people to feel they had the right to sort of play my life like a video game.

“The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Because she’s dead!” was funny — but how seriously should we take it? There’s a part of me that definitely is always going to be different. I needed to grow up in many ways. I needed to make boundaries, to figure out what was mine and what was the public’s. That old version of me that shares unfailingly and unblinkingly with a world that is probably not fit to be shared with? I think that’s gone. But it was definitely just, like, a fun moment in the studio with me and Jack [Antonoff] where I wanted to play on the idea of a phone call — because that’s how all of this started, a stupid phone call I shouldn’t have picked up.

It would have been much easier if that’s what you’d just said. It would have been so, so great if I would have just said that [laughs].

Some of the Lover iconography does suggest old Taylor’s return, though. I don’t think I’ve ever leaned into the old version of myself more creatively than I have on this album, where it’s very, very autobiographical. But also moments of extreme catchiness and moments of extreme personal confession.

Did you do anything wrong from your perspective in dealing with that phone call? Is there anything you regret? The world didn’t understand the context and the events that led up to it. Because nothing ever just happens like that without some lead-up. Some events took place to cause me to be pissed off when he called me a bitch. That was not just a singular event. Basically, I got really sick of the dynamic between he and I. And that wasn’t just based on what happened on that phone call and with that song — it was kind of a chain reaction of things.

I started to feel like we reconnected, which felt great for me — because all I ever wanted my whole career after that thing happened in 2009 was for him to respect me. When someone doesn’t respect you so loudly and says you literally don’t deserve to be here — I just so badly wanted that respect from him, and I hate that about myself, that I was like, “This guy who’s antagonizing me, I just want his approval.” But that’s where I was. And so we’d go to dinner and stuff. And I was so happy, because he would say really nice things about my music. It just felt like I was healing some childhood rejection or something from when I was 19. But the 2015 VMAs come around. He’s getting the Vanguard Award. He called me up beforehand — I didn’t illegally record it, so I can’t play it for you. But he called me up, maybe a week or so before the event, and we had maybe over an hourlong conversation, and he’s like, “I really, really would like for you to present this Vanguard Award to me, this would mean so much to me,” and went into all the reasons why it means so much, because he can be so sweet. He can be the sweetest. And I was so stoked that he asked me that. And so I wrote this speech up, and then we get to the VMAs and I make this speech and he screams, “MTV got Taylor Swift up here to present me this award for ratings!” [His exact words: “You know how many times they announced Taylor was going to give me the award ’cause it got them more ratings?”] And I’m standing in the audience with my arm around his wife, and this chill ran through my body. I realized he is so two-faced. That he wants to be nice to me behind the scenes, but then he wants to look cool, get up in front of everyone and talk shit. And I was so upset. He wanted me to come talk to him after the event in his dressing room. I wouldn’t go. So then he sent this big, big thing of flowers the next day to apologize. And I was like, “You know what? I really don’t want us to be on bad terms again. So whatever, I’m just going to move past this.” So when he gets on the phone with me, and I was so touched that he would be respectful and, like, tell me about this one line in the song.

The line being “. . . me and Taylor might still have sex”? [Nods] And I was like, “OK, good. We’re back on good terms.” And then when I heard the song, I was like, “I’m done with this. If you want to be on bad terms, let’s be on bad terms, but just be real about it.” And then he literally did the same thing to Drake. He gravely affected the trajectory of Drake’s family and their lives. It’s the same thing. Getting close to you, earning your trust, detonating you. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore because I get worked up, and I don’t want to just talk about negative shit all day, but it’s the same thing. Go watch Drake talk about what happened. [West denied any involvement in Pusha-T’s revelation of Drake’s child and apologized for sending “negative energy” toward Drake.]

When did you get to the place that’s described on the opening track of Lover, “I Forgot That You Existed”? It was sometime on the Reputation tour, which was the most transformative emotional experience of my career. That tour put me in the healthiest, most balanced place I’ve ever been. After that tour, bad stuff can happen to me, but it doesn’t level me anymore. The stuff that happened a couple of months ago with Scott [Borchetta] would have leveled me three years ago and silenced me. I would have been too afraid to speak up. Something about that tour made me disengage from some part of public perception I used to hang my entire identity on, which I now know is incredibly unhealthy.

What was the actual revelation? It’s almost like I feel more clear about the fact that my job is to be an entertainer. It’s not like this massive thing that sometimes my brain makes it into, and sometimes the media makes it into, where we’re all on this battlefield and everyone’s gonna die except one person, who wins. It’s like, “No, do you know what? Katy is going to be legendary. Gaga is going to be legendary. Beyoncé is going to be legendary. Rihanna is going to be legendary. Because the work that they made completely overshadows the myopia of this 24-hour news cycle of clickbait.” And somehow I realized that on tour, as I was looking at people’s faces. We’re just entertaining people, and it’s supposed to be fun.

It’s interesting to look at these albums as a trilogy. 1989 was really a reset button. Oh, in every way. I’ve been very vocal about the fact that that decision was mine and mine alone, and it was definitely met with a lot of resistance. Internally.

After realizing that things were not all smiles with your former label boss, Scott Borchetta, it’s hard not to wonder how much additional conflict there was over things like that. A lot of the best things I ever did creatively were things that I had to really fight — and I mean aggressively fight — to have happen. But, you know, I’m not like him, making crazy, petty accusations about the past. . . . When you have a business relationship with someone for 15 years, there are going to be a lot of ups and a lot of downs. But I truly, legitimately thought he looked at me as the daughter he never had. And so even though we had a lot of really bad times and creative differences, I was going to hang my hat on the good stuff. I wanted to be friends with him. I thought I knew what betrayal felt like, but this stuff that happened with him was a redefinition of betrayal for me, just because it felt like it was family. To go from feeling like you’re being looked at as a daughter to this grotesque feeling of “Oh, I was actually his prized calf that he was fattening up to sell to the slaughterhouse that would pay the most.”

He accused you of declining the Parkland march and Manchester benefit show. Unbelievable. Here’s the thing: Everyone in my team knew if Scooter Braun brings us something, do not bring it to me. The fact that those two are in business together after the things he said about Scooter Braun — it’s really hard to shock me. And this was utterly shocking. These are two very rich, very powerful men, using $300 million of other people’s money to purchase, like, the most feminine body of work. And then they’re standing in a wood-panel bar doing a tacky photo shoot, raising a glass of scotch to themselves. Because they pulled one over on me and got this done so sneakily that I didn’t even see it coming. And I couldn’t say anything about it.

In some ways, on a musical level, Lover feels like the most indie-ish of your albums. That’s amazing, thank you. It’s definitely a quirky record. With this album, I felt like I sort of gave myself permission to revisit older themes that I used to write about, maybe look at them with fresh eyes. And to revisit older instruments — older in terms of when I used to use them. Because when I was making 1989, I was so obsessed with it being this concept of Eighties big pop, whether it was Eighties in its production or Eighties in its nature, just having these big choruses — being unapologetically big. And then Reputation, there was a reason why I had it all in lowercase. I felt like it wasn’t unapologetically commercial. It’s weird, because that is the album that took the most amount of explanation, and yet it’s the one I didn’t talk about. In the Reputation secret sessions I kind of had to explain to my fans, “I know we’re doing a new thing here that I’d never done before.” I’d never played with characters before. For a lot of pop stars, that’s a really fun trick, where they’re like, “This is my alter ego.” I had never played with that before. It’s really fun. And it was just so fun to play with on tour — the darkness and the bombast and the bitterness and the love and the ups and the downs of an emotional-turmoil record.

“Daylight” is a beautiful song. It feels like it could have been the title track. It almost was. I thought it might be a little bit too sentimental.

And I guess maybe too on-the-nose. Right, yeah, way too on-the-nose. That’s what I thought, because I was kind of in my head referring to the album as Daylight for a while. But Lover, to me, was a more interesting title, more of an accurate theme in my head, and more elastic as a concept. That’s why “You Need to Calm Down” can make sense within the theme of the album — one of the things it addresses is how certain people are not allowed to live their lives without discrimination just based on who they love.

For the more organic songs on this album, like “Lover” and “Paper Rings,” you said you were imagining a wedding band playing them. How often does that kind of visualization shape a song’s production style? Sometimes I’ll have a strange sort of fantasy of where the songs would be played. And so for songs like “Paper Rings” or “Lover” I was imagining a wedding-reception band, but in the Seventies, so they couldn’t play instruments that wouldn’t have been invented yet. I have all these visuals. For Reputation, it was nighttime cityscape. I didn’t really want any — or very minimal — traditional acoustic instruments. I imagined old warehouse buildings that had been deserted and factory spaces and all this industrial kind of imagery. So I wanted the production to have nothing wooden. There’s no wood floors on that album. Lover is, like, completely just a barn wood floor and some ripped curtains flowing in the breeze, and fields of flowers and, you know, velvet.

How did you come to use high school metaphors to touch on politics with “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince”? There are so many influences that go into that particular song. I wrote it a couple of months after midterm elections, and I wanted to take the idea of politics and pick a metaphorical place for that to exist. And so I was thinking about a traditional American high school, where there’s all these kinds of social events that could make someone feel completely alienated. And I think a lot of people in our political landscape are just feeling like we need to huddle up under the bleachers and figure out a plan to make things better.

I feel like your Fall Out Boy fandom might’ve slipped out in that title. I love Fall Out Boy so much. Their songwriting really influenced me, lyrically, maybe more than anyone else. They take a phrase and they twist it. “Loaded God complex/Cock it and pull it”? When I heard that, I was like, “I’m dreaming.”

You sing about “American stories burning before me.” Do you mean the illusions of what America is? It’s about the illusions of what I thought America was before our political landscape took this turn, and that naivete that we used to have about it. And it’s also the idea of people who live in America, who just want to live their lives, make a living, have a family, love who they love, and watching those people lose their rights, or watching those people feel not at home in their home. I have that line “I see the high-fives between the bad guys” because not only are some really racist, horrific undertones now becoming overtones in our political climate, but the people who are representing those concepts and that way of looking at the world are celebrating loudly, and it’s horrific.

You’re in this weird place of being a blond, blue-eyed pop star in this era — to the point where until you endorsed some Democratic candidates, right-wingers, and worse, assumed you were on their side. I don’t think they do anymore. Yeah, that was jarring, and I didn’t hear about that until after it had happened. Because at this point, I, for a very long time, I didn’t have the internet on my phone, and my team and my family were really worried about me because I was not in a good place. And there was a lot of stuff that they just dealt with without telling me about it. Which is the only time that’s ever happened in my career. I’m always in the pilot seat, trying to fly the plane that is my career in exactly the direction I want to take it. But there was a time when I just had to throw my hands up and say, “Guys, I can’t. I can’t do this. I need you to just take over for me and I’m just going to disappear.”

Are you referring to when a white-supremacist site suggested you were on their team? I didn’t even see that, but, like, if that happened, that’s just disgusting. There’s literally nothing worse than white supremacy. It’s repulsive. There should be no place for it. Really, I keep trying to learn as much as I can about politics, and it’s become something I’m now obsessed with, whereas before, I was living in this sort of political ambivalence, because the person I voted for had always won. We were in such an amazing time when Obama was president because foreign nations respected us. We were so excited to have this dignified person in the White House. My first election was voting for him when he made it into office, and then voting to re-elect him. I think a lot of people are like me, where they just didn’t really know that this could happen. But I’m just focused on the 2020 election. I’m really focused on it. I’m really focused on how I can help and not hinder. Because I also don’t want it to backfire again, because I do feel that the celebrity involvement with Hillary’s campaign was used against her in a lot of ways.

You took a lot of heat for not getting involved. Does any part of you regret that you just didn’t say “fuck it” and gotten more specific when you said to vote that November? Totally. Yeah, I regret a lot of things all the time. It’s like a daily ritual.

Were you just convinced that it would backfire? That’s literally what it was. Yeah. It’s a very powerful thing when you legitimately feel like numbers have proven that pretty much everyone hates you. Like, quantifiably. That’s not me being dramatic. And you know that.

There were a lot of people in those stadiums. It’s true. But that was two years later. . . . I do think, as a party, we need to be more of a team. With Republicans, if you’re wearing that red hat, you’re one of them. And if we’re going to do anything to change what’s happening, we need to stick together. We need to stop dissecting why someone’s on our side or if they’re on our side in the right way or if they phrased it correctly. We need to not have the right kind of Democrat and the wrong kind of Democrat. We need to just be like, “You’re a Democrat? Sick. Get in the car. We’re going to the mall.”

Here’s a hard question for you: As a superfan, what did you think of the Game of Thrones finale? Oh, my God. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. So, clinically our brain responds to our favorite show ending the same way we feel when a breakup occurs. I read that. There’s no good way for it to end. No matter what would have happened in that finale, people still would have been really upset because of the fact that it’s over.

I was glad to see you confirm that your line about a “list of names” was a reference to Arya. I like to be influenced by movies and shows and books and stuff. I love to write about a character dynamic. And not all of my life is going to be as kind of complex as these intricate webs of characters on TV shows and movies.

There was a time when it was. That’s amazing.

But is the idea that as your own life becomes less dramatic, you’ll need to pull ideas from other places? I don’t feel like that yet. I think I might feel like that possibly when I have a family. If I have a family. [Pauses] I don’t know why I said that! But that’s what I’ve heard from other artists, that they were very protective of their personal life, so they had to draw inspiration from other things. But again, I don’t know why I said that. Because I don’t know how my life is going to go or what I’m going to do. But right now, I feel like it’s easier for me to write than it ever was.

You don’t talk about your relationship, but you’ll sing about it in wildly revealing detail. What’s the difference for you? Singing about something helps you to express it in a way that feels more accurate. You cannot, no matter what, put words in a quote and have it move someone the same way as if you heard those words with the perfect sonic representation of that feeling... There is that weird conflict in being a confessional songwriter and then also having my life, you know, 10 years ago, be catapulted into this strange pop-culture thing.

I’ve heard you say that people got too interested in which song was about who, which I can understand — at the same time, to be fair, it was a game you played into, wasn’t it? I realized very early on that no matter what, that was going to happen to me regardless. So when you realize the rules of the game you’re playing and how it will affect you, you got to look at the board and make your strategy. But at the same time, writing songs has never been a strategic element of my career. But I’m not scared anymore to say that other things in my career, like how to market an album, are strictly strategic. And I’m sick of women not being able to say that they have strategic business minds — because male artists are allowed to. And so I’m sick and tired of having to pretend like I don’t mastermind my own business. But, it’s a different part of my brain than I use to write.

You’ve been masterminding your business since you were a teenager. Yeah, but I’ve also tried very hard — and this is one thing I regret — to convince people that I wasn’t the one holding the puppet strings of my marketing existence, or the fact that I sit in a conference room several times a week and come up with these ideas. I felt for a very long time that people don’t want to think of a woman in music who isn’t just a happy, talented accident. We’re all forced to kind of be like, “Aw, shucks, this happened again! We’re still doing well! Aw, that’s so great.” Alex Morgan celebrating scoring a goal at the World Cup and getting shit for it is a perfect example of why we’re not allowed to flaunt or celebrate, or reveal that, like, “Oh, yeah, it was me. I came up with this stuff.” I think it’s really unfair. People love new female artists so much because they’re able to explain that woman’s success. There’s an easy trajectory. Look at the Game of Thrones finale. I specifically really related to Daenerys’ storyline because for me it portrayed that it is a lot easier for a woman to attain power than to maintain it.

I mean, she did murder... It’s a total metaphor! Like, obviously I didn’t want Daenerys to become that kind of character, but in taking away what I chose to take away from it, I thought maybe they’re trying to portray her climbing the ladder to the top was a lot easier than maintaining it, because for me, the times when I felt like I was going insane was when I was trying to maintain my career in the same way that I ascended. It’s easier to get power than to keep it. It’s easier to get acclaim than to keep it. It’s easier to get attention than to keep it.

Well, I guess we should be glad you didn’t have a dragon in 2016... [Fiercely] I told you I don’t like that she did that! But, I mean, watching the show, though, maybe this is a reflection on how we treat women in power, how we are totally going to conspire against them and tear at them until they feel this — this insane shift, where you wonder, like, “What changed?” And I’ve had that happen, like, 60 times in my career where I’m like, “OK, you liked me last year, what changed? I guess I’ll change so I can keep entertaining you guys.”

You once said that your mom could never punish you when you were little because you’d punish yourself. This idea of changing in the face of criticism and needing approval — that’s all part of wanting to be good, right? Whatever that means. But that seems to be a real driving force in your life. Yeah, that’s definitely very perceptive of you. And the question posed to me is, if you kept trying to do good things, but everyone saw those things in a cynical way and assumed them to be done with bad motivation and bad intent, would you still do good things, even though nothing that you did was looked at as good? And the answer is, yes. Criticism that’s constructive is helpful to my character growth. Baseless criticism is stuff I’ve got to toss out now.

That sounds healthy. Is this therapy talking or is this just experience? No, I’ve never been to therapy. I talk to my mom a lot, because my mom is the one who’s seen everything. God, it takes so long to download somebody on the last 29 years of my life, and my mom has seen it all. She knows exactly where I’m coming from. And we talk endlessly. There were times when I used to have really, really, really bad days where we would just be on the phone for hours and hours and hours. I’d write something that I wanted to say, and instead of posting it, I’d just read it to her.

I somehow connect all this to the lyric in “Daylight,” the idea of “so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven” — it’s a different kind of confession. I am really glad you liked that line, because that’s something that does bother me, looking back at life and realizing that no matter what, you screw things up. Sometimes there are people that were in your life and they’re not anymore — and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t fix it, you can’t change it. I told the fans last night that sometimes on my bad days, I feel like my life is a pile of crap accumulated of only the bad headlines or the bad things that have happened, or the mistakes I’ve made or clichés or rumors or things that people think about me or have thought for the last 15 years. And that was part of the “Look What You Made Me Do” music video, where I had a pile of literal old selves fighting each other.

But, yeah, that line is indicative of my anxiety about how in life you can’t get everything right. A lot of times you make the wrong call, make the wrong decision. Say the wrong thing. Hurt people, even if you didn’t mean to. You don’t really know how to fix all of that. When it’s, like, 29 years’ worth.

To be Mr. “Rolling Stone” for a second, there’s a Springsteen lyric, “Ain’t no one leaving this world, buddy/Without their shirttail dirty or hands a little bloody.” That’s really good! No one gets through it unscathed. No one gets through in one piece. I think that’s a hard thing for a lot of people to grasp. I know it was hard for me, because I kind of grew up thinking, “If I’m nice, and if I try to do the right thing, you know, maybe I can just, like, ace this whole thing.” And it turns out I can’t.

It’s interesting to look at “I Did Something Bad” in this context. You pointing that out is really interesting because it’s something I’ve had to reconcile within myself in the last couple of years — that sort of “good” complex. Because from the time I was a kid I’d try to be kind, be a good person. Try really hard. But you get walked all over sometimes. And how do you respond to being walked all over? You can’t just sit there and eat your salad and let it happen. “I Did Something Bad” was about doing something that was so against what I would usually do. Katy [Perry] and I were talking about our signs. . . . [Laughs] Of course we were.

That’s the greatest sentence ever. [Laughs] I hate you. We were talking about our signs because we had this really, really long talk when we were reconnecting and stuff. And I remember in the long talk, she was like, “If we had one glass of white wine right now, we’d both be crying.” Because we were drinking tea. We’ve had some really good conversations.

We were talking about how we’ve had miscommunications with people in the past, not even specifically with each other. She’s like, “I’m a Scorpio. Scorpios just strike when they feel threatened.” And I was like, “Well, I’m an archer. We literally stand back, assess the situation, process how we feel about it, raise a bow, pull it back, and fire.” So it’s completely different ways of processing pain, confusion, misconception. And oftentimes I’ve had this delay in feeling something that hurts me and then saying that it hurts me. Do you know what I mean? And so I can understand how people in my life would have been like, “Whoa, I didn’t know that was how you felt.” Because it takes me a second.

If you watch the video of the 2009 VMAs, I literally freeze. I literally stand there. And that is how I handle any discomfort, any pain. I stand there, I freeze. And then five minutes later, I know how I feel. But in the moment, I’m probably overreacting and I should be nice. Then I process it, and in five minutes, if it’s gone, it’s past, and I’m like, “I was overreacting, everything’s fine. I can get through this. I’m glad I didn’t say anything harsh in the moment.” But when it’s actually something bad that happened, and I feel really, really hurt or upset about it, I only know after the fact. Because I’ve tried so hard to squash it: “This probably isn’t what you think.” That’s something I had to work on.

You could end up gaslighting yourself. Yeah, for sure. ’Cause so many situations where if I would have said the first thing that came to my mind, people would have been like, “Whoa!” And maybe I would have been wrong or combative. So a couple of years ago I started working on actually just responding to my emotions in a quicker fashion. And it’s really helped with stuff. It’s helped so much because sometimes you get in arguments. But conflict in the moment is so much better than combat after the fact.

Well, thanks. I do feel like I just did a therapy session. As someone who’s never been to therapy, I can safely say that was the best therapy session.

#uhhhh #just by copying and editing text I see it's gonna be good =)#can't wait...#taylor swift #interview #by taylor #lover era #Rolling Stone magazine #Brian Hiatt

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