#is it stupid to feel so much emotion over your own songs? yes. will I stop? no:)

[struggling-to-find-home]

... I have lost a lot, but in all of what was lost, there wasn't much that I grieved as hard as I did two things: the first two melodies I created, musically symmetrical, called "day" and "night". One was - in the teenage mind of a young composer who had barely learned that you can string three notes together to create a basic chord at that point - ethereal and beautiful, the other was supposed to be a more cheerful, fun, energetic version of the first one. The two could connect in an ongoing loop, changing each other - kind of like day and night. Get the name?)

They were my babies, my lovelies, they were simple and dumb but they were my creations which I adored, with one of the few good surviving memories being about how, when I felt peaceful, I used to sit in my room and play these two, one after the other, in a loop after loop after loop.

So, imagine my grief when I lost them.

Imagine how elated I was when I understood that as new memories came, I could potentially get them back.

...

Night has been with me for a bit now, about two weeks - it's older, and, fittingly, came back first, but it didn't feel right to celebrate it's return without it's sibling present.

I remembered the second one, just now, lying down at the floor and playing guitar to make myself feel better. I thought I started to play night - but what came from under my fingers wasn't night, it was way too cheerful, too bright. It was day!!

I remember them!!

I remember them both now!!

I'm so happy!!:D

[mrchiipchrome]

Blessing In Disguise

W.C. - 1.8 k

This was originally a song request, if you want to request then there's a prompt list linked in my masterlist.

prompt 30. -Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

---------------

Signing for a new club is supposed to be fun, exciting and sometimes even scary. For you, all those emotions were robbed from you by a girl who’d decided to break your heart. 

The relationship hadn’t been going on for long, only a couple of months, but in that short period of time you had managed to fall for the girl completely. The girl who’d only gotten with you for shits and giggles.

So there you stood, taking pictures in the red Arsenal kit, all while trying not to cry. ‘Stupid, stupid people. Stupid, stupid me.’ You think, biting your cheek lightly as the photographer calls for you to do another pose.

‘Olaf and puppies, just keep thinking about Olaf and puppies.’ You have to keep from snorting at your own thoughts, the children’s character always turning your frown upside down.

“YES! That’s it, there’s that smile!” The shouted words startle you slightly, but what startles you even more is the Irish accent that accompanies them. You hadn’t even noticed anyone else sneaking into the room.

“Katie! How’d you get in?” The American accent of the photographer contrasts the harsh Dublin of one Katie McCabe.

“Through the door” She pauses in the middle of her sentence to roll her eyes overenthusiastically. “I wanted to meet the newbie before anyone else” She nearly shouts, sticking her hand out for you to shake.

As soon as you grasp it, she pulls your much taller frame into her own. Her strong arms wrap around your waist, your left arm wrapping around her shoulders reluctantly.

She pulls away from the embrace nearly as quickly as she started it, leaving you to strangely enough, miss her touch.

“You are much taller than you look in the pictures!” The signature smile she flashes you has your knees weakening slightly, butterflies fluttering their wings inside you in a completely different way than it had for that girl. 

This time it was more than just attraction, you could sense that she was a genuine person.

“What d’ya mean?” Katie feels her heart flutter at the furrow in your brow, heart eyes forming despite having met officially only moments before.

“I’ve seen pictures of ya, you look short” You send the multi positional player a playful glare, the woman herself having to tilt her head up to look you in the eye.

“Sure I do Mickey, sure I do.” Now it’s her turn to look confused, the nickname something entirely new to her.

“Mickey? Where’d you get that from?” Her accent continues to play with your heart, if a heart monitor had been connected to you then it would show a clear spike in heart rate. 

“I guess you’ll just have to figure it out because I won’t tell you Mickey.” Out of your peripherals you can see the photographer giving up.

“Girls, if you could both face me for a second so that we can get a decent photo” Mr. Photographer calls out sassily, tapping his foot against the floor in wait. When Katie looks you in the eye, you both have to keep from laughter.

Turning towards the man, Katie slips her arm back around your waist while you place your arm around her shoulders. Your other hand makes the motion of pointing at her, the Irish woman smiling brightly.

After a few clicks of the camera, Mr. Photographer lets you start to pack up, ready to go back to your hotel.

“You want a ride home?” With your back to her, you don’t notice Katie’s intense gaze settled on your back. Her eyes scan the entirety of your backside, getting stuck on your ass for a few seconds too long.

“See anything you like Mickey?” The teasing tone tells her that you’re joking, still she can’t help but let the blush take over her face. 

“Sooo, do you need a ride home?” She questions once again, looking on as you ponder for a second.

“Yeah sure, if it’s not too much trouble.” Humming, the Irish woman lets you lead the way out of the room before walking shoulder to shoulder with you.

The drive back to your temporary home was uneventful, the two of you talking about the club and your expectations. The way she waves at you when you step out of the car makes you all giddy.

Surprisingly, the only thing you can think about when you settle into your bed later that night is the Ireland captain. It’s like she turned your world upside down with one simple look into your eyes. 

Your phone buzzes beside you on the bedside table, Mr. Photographer having sent a text with all the photos from the day for you to post.

Thankfully, the announcement of your arrival to the club had been made earlier, so you didn’t have to worry about that.

Still, you pick your phone up and scroll through the photographs he sent you, finding the best one of you and Katie together.

You can’t help but giggle as you type out the caption to the instagram story, the picture of Katie barely reaching your shoulder is hilarious in its simplicity.

‘Taller than I look, right Mickey?’ You typed before tagging her and posting it. Oh how you already love the team dynamics.

——-

“You dick!” The soft smile on your face turned into a full fledged smirk, Katie’s loud voice booming all throughout the hallway.

Before you can comprehend what’s happening, Katie jumps on your back, her momentum bringing you both down to the floor.

You can’t help but groan at the impact, your ribs feeling slightly bruised. On top of that, you still have Katie sitting on your back, laughing like a madman.

Turning around with her still on top of you, you’re able to relish in the way Katie’s eyes widen slightly before going back to normal. 

Soon enough, Katie herself starts to smirk at the suggestive position you’ve found yourselves in. Her hands creep up to settle on your stomach, muscles contracting under her. 

The clearing of someone’s throat interrupts you two, you trying to scramble up from the ground with a weight pinning you to the floor.

When you realize that Katie isn’t getting off of you, you decide to take drastic measures. 

Placing your hands on her waist, you lift her off your body without much struggle. After that you pull yourself up from the floor, offering the Irish woman a hand to pull herself up with.

“I thought you needed to hit the weights.” Katie’s hand comes up to squeeze your bicep, you flexing it for her.

“I do Mickey, maybe we can go together sometime?” Now your hand is up at your neck, rubbing it nervously.

“RIGHT move it along people, we’ve got training in 5 minutes. You two can flirt later.” Lotte calls out playfully, one of her hands on either of your backs pushing you forward.

Your face is overtaken by a dark blush, Lotte exposing you. 

“Yeah, yeah Lots, you’re just mad that your boyfriend’s away” Katie responds rather snarkily, shooting you an over the top wink.

———-

Week by week passes at the club. The happiness that you once missed out on was now present every second of every day. 

There was one thing that laid at the back of your mind though, nagging and eating away at your conscience. 

You’re in love with Katie, your absolute best friend. 

She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a girl. She’s funny and kind, she’s great with your parents and your siblings. Not to mention that she’s incredibly attractive.

It’s impossible not to fall for her.

Funnily enough, it was just as hard for her not to fall for you. You two were supposed to be friends, not lovers, and yet that’s exactly what you were becoming.

Less than friendly kisses shared behind closed doors, cuddling on the bus and at home, texting whenever you’re apart. She would even steal your clothes, taking your trousers after spending the night together and leaving her own. Yeah, going into training that day wasn’t fun.

It wasn’t official or anything, you were both just enjoying each other’s company.

Well that is until your ex decides to contact you again, despite being blocked.

——

“Micks, could you bring me a glass of water?” Katie moves around your kitchen with ease, already splitting her time between her own flat and yours.

You hear her hum and then the splashing of the water meeting your sink. The movie you’re watching is paused, the two of you cuddling whilst watching it.

Just as you can hear Katie’s sock clad feet moving back towards the living room, your phone buzzes on the table. Picking it up absentmindedly, an unknown number flashes across your screen. 

Pressing accept on the call, you can soon hear the obnoxious voice of your ex-girlfriend screaming. 

Pulling the phone away from your ear, Katie looks at you curiously. 

“Y/n I wanna get back together!” The slightly intoxicated girl screams at you.

“No. Emilia, I told you never to contact me again so don’t.” Speaking firmly into the phone, you can see Katie’s eyes harden in recognition. She did know of your ex after all.

“I was wrong. Take me back.” She drags out every syllable, slurring her words simultaneously.

“I’d rather let a tractor drive over my foot.” 

“But I’m perfect for you” Katie’s hand comes down to take the phone from your grasp, prying it out of your fingers.

“Are ya now?” Her usual playfulness is gone, voice stone cold.

“Who are you?” Emilia’s shrill voice cuts into both of your eardrums, Katie looking at you in confusion. 

How could you date that? She whispers to you, laughing a little when you shrug. 

“Her girlfriend, you intolerable shit. If you contact her again I won’t hesitate to knock your teeth out.” Her low, threatening tone did something to you. She raised a single eyebrow at your Arsenal red face, making you blush that much harder.

Just as Katie’s about to hang up, you take it from her hand. 

“Emilia, you breaking up with me was truly a blessing in disguise, it brought me the love of my life. Have a great life.” After that, you hang up and throw the phone to the edge of the couch. 

Settling on top of the Irish captain again, she starts to run her hand through your hair. The action makes you melt into her body, a content smile forming on your face.

“So I’m the love of your life?” The sharp Irish accent cuts through the air, teasing zing to her words.

“So I’m your girlfriend?” You counter back, feeling her hand still from their movements. “Ask me.”

“What?” You pinch her sides lightly, the hand she was using to play with your hair slapping the back of your head.

“Ask me to be your girlfriend Mick.” 

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Despite her trying not to sound nervous, you can hear the slightest tremble in her voice.

“Of course Mickey.” Moving up, you lean in to kiss her softly, lips moving against the other’s.

“So will you finally tell me where you got Mickey from?” 

“Nope”

[ioniansunsets]

I JUST FOUND YOUR BLOG AND OMG

hey imma need that confession Heartsteel Kayn moment yannoooo… fr all I’ve been thinking about 😳😳😳

✖ Heartsteel!Kayn Confessing ✖

✖ Word Count: 1.2k

✖ Tags: Awkward Confessions

✖ A/N: Reader here is just someone who works at his studio! He met you as Heartsteel slowly begun to start out and get ready for debut. Also writing this with that one ask about him writing a song about this exact moment in mind. Heehee!

I was reading some fanfics on my side and got filled with so much adrenaline and emotions I spat this out. I got very very very carried away writing this. I hope its not too OOC. Thank you for asking for this, I couldn't stop thinking about writing it.

----

It sucked. It fucking sucked. The way his heart raced when you were near.

The loud thumping against his chest. He hated it.

He hated how vulnerably and un-badass it made him feel. How the high he got from you rivaled that of the stage.

How your voice played over and over in his mind more than any melody he knew. How your laughter made his knees weak. It made Him. Weak!

He hated. He loathed. He grunts in frustration as he rocks out hard on his guitar. Fingers picking at the strings, a sick solo riff but it was for no one but himself.

Oh, how he did arguably stupider things than usual when he saw you watching. Showing off to you he jumped off a stage once. Which is not too far off from usual but it was to no audience! It was during a practice run! He did it just to flex to you that he was cool! Fucking embarrassing to remember but he did! All because you were standing nearby! How could you do such a thing to him!

The absolute frustration he was filled with. Not pent up rage, not a craving for violence and destruction, but affection? Undeniable. Overflowing. Drowning and choking him. Affection!

He finally threw his guitar on the ground. Breathing heavy. Hands running through his hair to push away the hair that has fell to his face in his little jam session. Hands wiping away the sweat. No matter how long he played, how fast his fingers pressed the strings, how frantically he strummed away. How he still played, chipping his painted nails when he slips up and drops his pick. The loud music of his electric guitar couldn't drown out the high BPM beat of his heart going off in his ears. The mental image of you smiling and waving at him every time he shows up. The tingle in his fingertips imagining himself holding you.

Swallowing hard, he storms out of the studio. He was at his fucking limit and refused to deal with this flip flop of emotions any longer. A cold shower. He calms down. Tomorrow. At the studio when he goes in to record. He'll find you then. He'll go early before the rest of the band gets there. He'll get this done and over with. Enough hours were spent being a mess about you. He was going to get this done! Tossing and turning in bed for hours he finally falls asleep. Tomorrow, he'll confess.

xxxx

The next day came soon enough. Making sure he looked good, makeup on, hair styled nicely, a sexy ass outfit with his deliciously sculpted abs out. Not the usual for when he goes to the studio but if he was going to be confessing? Perfect. Yes he was perfect in his own eyes but still, his heart raced. Small whispers of Rhaast in his mind, telling him they might reject him, that he was someone that needed nobody, he shouldn't go up to them and say anything, the frustration was so good for his music! But still, he walked on. Boots hitting the floor at the same pace of his rapidly beating heart as he walks up to you. You heard him before you saw him, the thump of his boots echoing closer and closer.

" Hey!"

He cringes internally, the hell was that greeting. Hey? Just hey?! He smiles. Cocky as usual. Face never betraying his emotions, yeah he was cool like that. The shaking of his hands held back as he puts them in his pockets. Its alright, he looked cool. Just like that, hands in his pockets fiddling with his phone as he leans against the wall to talk to you.

" Can I talk to you a bit before I go and record stuff?"

Oh gods you smiled and nodded. His heart fluttered. His expression, involuntary, visibly lighting up. The way your smile just made him smile so bright back. He takes a deep breath.

" I uh...I love you."

He spat it out. It wasn't cool. It wasn't sexy. It was a choked out confession. Heart racing, palms now sweaty in his pockets, still shaking. Hells, shaking More now. His breath heavy as he tries to keep the anxiety at bay. A feeling of stage fright he never felt before. Suddenly hitting him. You look at him, face slowly getting more flushed as you process the sudden confession.

" I hate it but I've fallen head over heels for you. I'm a fucking wreck. You ruin me."

Kayn runs his hands through his hair, a habit to calm himself down. His eyes closed as he takes a deep breath before continuing.

" You genuinely make my time here at the studio fun, your presence is chaotic and calming at the same time. I want to be with you. I want us to be a thing. You already know me, you've seen the me on stage during practice, off stage when I record lines, you've seen Rhaast go all out and you still choose to be around me. I want you more than anything I've ever wanted."

He looks at you now, a calm stare. Lips pursed in a tight line. Swallowing hard. His nerves somehow finding solace in letting out all his feelings that were pent up over the month or two since you got to know each other. You laugh, gods your laugh. He's giddy. You tell him you love him too. He smiles.

A pause as he suddenly stands up straight. You tell him you love him too?

" Wait haha what? Really?"

He was amazing of course you'd say yes but still, there was that tiny part of him that was worried. You liked him back? You Love him? The amazing you! The you that shone like a sun in his frustrating days of endless work as a rockstar. You! He was fucking Elated. Arms immediately around you, a tight hug as he lets out a sigh. Breath he didn't even realize he was holding until now. His arms still shaking a little as he held you.

" Can I kiss you. Right now? I-"

Kayn doesn't even finish his sentence, the moment you nod his lips are on yours, passionate. Hands threading through your hair as he holds your head gently. Holding you against him. His free hand around your waist, supporting you as much as he was supporting himself from falling apart at your touch. How he loved you, the smell of your hair so close to him now, the taste of your lips on his, the feeling of your soft delectable lips on his. How warm you were in his hands, how faint your breath on his face. He was in love. He was in Love.

As he pulls apart. He takes another deep breath. The way you left him literally breathless. Fuck. This was an excitement he never felt before. Never has a kiss left him feeling so...good? Never has a hug left him literally shaking with excitement. You were special and now you were his.

" You're so fucking perfect you know that?"

He laughs shakily. A hand rising, trembling as he lightly touches his lips. Still in disbelief. He loves you. Undeniably. Overwhelmingly. The storm of emotions he held for the past, who knows how long, now a summer breeze filling his chest with a warmth he doesn't remember ever feeling. He loves you.

[tinydefector]

*careless whispers playing* swerve: so this one’s part of a human mating ritual. It’s sad, cliche melody and themes make nearby humans pitty the performer and assume they get none. The dim lighting means the humans can’t tell it’s not night time, and makes them more aroused.

-bumpinSUV

Caught out - Human Effects

Warnings: unrestricted internet access

Word count 2.3k

I had so much fun doing this and working it into the human effects series so I hope you enjoy it. Bumpin, also I can't wait to do the other one you sent in.

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Rodimus pinches the bridge of his nasal ridge as he vents loudly. "Swerve, for the last time, that song is not actually part of human mating rituals. Please it's so stupid" he exclaims in annoyance. Since they got the music set so the crew could listen to the collective Spotify on the human crews request, Swerve had been raving about the song Careless Whispers.  

Meanwhile Whirl is cackling, their one optic on the mini-bot as he sways ridiculously to the music. "Aww c'mon Roddy let Swerve have his fun! I think it's working, look, those humans will definitely feel sorry for ol' Sweeeevy." The helimech cackles. 

Swerve ignores them, enthusiastically crooning along at the top of his vocalizer. "Oh I...I'm never gonna dance again... guilty feet have got no rhythm!" He attempts a crude mimicry of human hip shaking that has several crewmembers watch in mixed emotion.

Rubbing his chevron tiredly, Rodimus cuts in. "Swerve. Buddy. For your own good, please shut it off before the humans see you making an aft of yourself, plus I know for a fact that Daniel would start withering into a husk if he heard that song." 

Whirl creases with laughter at the minibot's antics as Rodimus shakes his helm, wondering if he can find the will to survive another one of Swerve's "cultural exchanges." 

Megatron walks in looking rather tired and ready for a drink when his optics land on Whirl and Rodimus. He pauses in the doorway as the chaotic scene before him registers - Whirl cackling hysterically as always, Rodimus with an expression of long-suffering exasperation, and Swerve... dancing? to some strange organic music. One eyebrow plate arches high, and the barest ghost of a bemused smirk tugs at one corner of his mouth. 

"I leave you all alone for a few cycles and return to find the Lost Light devolved into complete anarchy, it seems." His rumbling voice cuts through the din, Whirl just slams his claws on the table as they maniacally laugh, not an ounce of shame. Rodimus heaves a sigh. "Swerve was just...educating us on human courting rituals. Apparently that song is a big part of it. Which I would argue is a lie! " 

Megatron's other brow joins the first. He regards the tiny bartender with an air of dry amusement. "Is that so. Well, carry on by all means. we wouldn't want to disrupt such... illuminating cultural exchange. But do try to keep the debauchery contained, yes? There are still functioning mechs aboard this ship." 

With that and a brief nod to Rodimus, signalling the matter settled, Megatron turns on heel striding purposefully toward a table hidden in a corner so he doesn't have to deal with the chaos. He requires nothing less than a stiff drink After the cycle.

Rodimus, on the other hand, looks close to joining Whirl in hysterics - though from frustration rather than mirth. One hand grips his audial fins tightly as if to block out the noise. "Swerve, please, for the love of Primus, stop. You are NOT courting humans like that!" 

At that moment Whirl's gazing gaze Shifts to Rodimus. “ I don't see you getting any Captain,  what makes you think you know what the fleshies like, don't listen to him Swerve” calls back loudly Before Rodimus decides he's had enough. throwing his servos up. "Ugh, forget it. I'm joining Megatron for engex, have fun." And with that, he stalks away muttering about finding more suitable crew members to share drinks with. 

But Whirl is having too much fun, falling over themself in mirth. "Go Swervy go! Shake that fine aft, get you some Earth tail! Yeaaah get it!" His exuberant hollers only encourage the bartender, who throws himself with renewed vigour into his poor approximation of human dancing. 

After Swerve's crude example of a dance other bots begin inquiry about it. Some are interested in learning about humans. "But where did you learn about Swerve,  I need sources" Skids states while his optics narrow on Swerve. Nigthbeat sat off to the side not paying much attention. As Tailgate, Nautica and Skids inquired for more information, they doubted he had asked any of the human crew members on ship about such a thing, plus it had been a while since the ambassador or any of the crew had been to the bar recently. 

Swerve shifts nervously under the intense gazes boring into him from Skids and the others. His visor brightens as he attempts a shrug. "Oh you know, around...the holoweb. Places, the internet"

Skids narrows his optics further. "Uh huh. And when exactly were you surfing the human internet from the Lost Light?" He crosses his arms, expression clearly stating he isn't buying Swerve's story. 

Tailgate tilts his head curiously. "But didn't you say you learned it from a human, I don't think they'd teach dancing like THAT..." 

A sly grin spreads across Nautica's faceplates. "Unless...were you watching those strange organic videos? What were they called again - tiktoks?" 

Swerve visibly blanches, waving his arms wildly. "Wh-what? No no, of course not! I would never -" 

But Cyclonus, who has been silently observing, speaks up then with quiet certainty. "He's lying. He has had no contact with humans outside of when they come to the bar, he hasn't talked with any of them except Nadia on the rare occasion” The bartender deflates completely as amused chuckles rise up around him. Nautica pats his shoulder kindly. He had been called out for not really talking with the crew, but in his defence he didn't know how to socialise with them outside of serving drinks. 

 "It's okay Swerve, next time just acutely get your information from a human, doubt the ambassador would like you going around spreading misinformation" 

After a moment of processing Rodimus looks up in shock. "Wait a klik We have access to the human internet!?" He asked in shock, when had that happened who set it up and why wasn't he informed. Beside him, Megatron pinches the bridge of his noseplate wearily. "I had hoped to keep that information need-to-know, Rodimus. But yes, Brainstorm installed a transfer several deca-cycles ago to...broaden cultural understanding, and make it easier for a cross line from the holo to the internet so information trade was easier." 

Skids pipes up helpfully. "I believe his exact words were 'for science!', but we all know he just wanted to look at more theories about humans and their social behaviour. Fleshie fragger!." He sings out the last part which makes some of the other mechs laugh. 

Tailgate gasps excitedly. "Ooh, that's really cool, I wanna see the cute Earth pets!" It makes Cyclonus chuckle softly as he watches the smaller bots' optics widen in wonder. 

Rodimus throws his servos up. "Why am I always the last to know about these things?! As Captain I should be informed of any new ship systems or tech!" He grumbles, directing a half-hearted glare at Megatron. The former warlord merely sips his drink placidly. "Think of it as a learning experience in responsible leadership, Rodimus. If you would have read the highlighted parts of the report like i had asked you would have seen that we did this installation"

Rodimus grumbles to him as he takes another sip of his own drink, still glaring at Megatron over being called out on his neglect of the reports, he had been doing more reading of them but it did get to a point where he wanted to slam his helm into a wall.  

It makes Sunstreaker freeze for a moment, realising that it meant the humans most likely had access to their own sites. "Wait if we can access their internet does that mean they now also have access to our holoweb, sites and forums?" He asked rather worriedly, Silence falls over the group as Sunstreaker's question sinks in, optics widening in collective horror. they all know exactly the kind of classified, compromising or just plain embarrassing things lurking on Cybertronian networks. 

Hound is the first to break the quiet. "Primus, can you imagine if the humans found some of the stuff posted on ProwlFanForums? Or some of the theories on WireTap, Commlink?" 

Blaster groans, faceplates pale. "My holovids from Vos Carnival are still online! If they find those videos Primus..." He wasn't expecting this but if one of the humans found it, one of the crew they would know he had shown them a few photos of his cassettes and it wouldn't be hard to put too and too together.  

Rewind sits back watching the chaos in amusement. “It be a shame if they saw how many of you are interface Feral scrapers” he teases which makes even more bots panic. 

“Frag, frag, frag, I need to delete my profiles, I never existed!” 

“Oh Primus, of any of the thirteen listening,  please erase myself”   

“No, no, they can't know about those sites can that, they wouldn't think to look that far!” 

 

Rodimus hurriedly waves his servos. "Alright everyone stay calm! We'll get Brainstorm on containment ASAP. In the meantime everybody delete and scrub everything questionable from your personal archives. I mean it!"

A flurry of typing ensues as bots scramble to protect their digital dignity. Only Megatron seems unfazed, a corner of his mouth quirked in dark amusement. "Humans have proven resourceful. I suspect they've seen far worse than what little dirt we may have to offer..." 

Rodimus shoots Megatron a glare. "Thanks, that's really reassuring Megsy." The chaos continues as a new threat looms for the Cybertronian populace - human seeing their thoughts, questions and information.   

Megatron turns an optic on the fretting collection of Mech's, interest piqued. "So tell me, precisely what sorts of... delicate matters have you been discussing regarding humans?" 

The bots abruptly find other places to look, fields filled with nerves and not-so-subtle guilt. Trailbreaker coughs awkwardly. "Youknowjust,casualobservationsandcuriositiesSir." 

Rodimus, clearly wishing to be anywhere but here, attempts distraction. "It's not important Megs, let's just focus on containment -" But Megatron is not so easily deterred. His crimson gaze settles on Blaster, who shifts stiffly. "I do believe there was mention of a particularly risqué forum... One addressing compatibility between our species, was it not?" 

Blaster tries to look anywhere but Megatron, clearly feeling uncomfortable under the ex warlords stare. “It was merely an... academic discussion of theoretical interspecies relations." Suddenly Whirl howls with laughter. "Oh Primus you should see the threads about 'interface ports vs human orifices'! They go on for orns!" It makes all the bots helms snap to the helimech.  “SHUT UP WHIRL!” A collective yell comes from the panicked Mech's. 

A collective groan arises as Megatron rolls his optics, he had been expecting something else but this seemed quite tame compared to what he was expecting. After all, he had seen what floats around on the human internet and had the unfortunate experience of coming across a lot of stuff. In the end the human Ambassador had been rather embarrassed and apologetic over it. 

Megatron can't help but let out an amused huff of ventilation at the collective embarrassment of the Autobots. Clearly they had yet to witness the depths humanity plunged into given anonymity and technology. "Trust me when I say your little... theoretical discussions would barely cause a ripple among humans. I have borne witness to the unfiltered fleshling internet, and what I glimpsed there was far more depraved." He recalls with bemusement the memory file of Ambassador mortified face.

Skids eyes him curiously. "Really? What kind of thing could be worse than interfacing forums?" He grumbles dragging his servos down his faceplate. "Let's just say their proclivities extend far beyond our frames. Entire databases dedicated to the debasement and degradation of simulated strangers. Acts I'd not care to repeat lest they scorch even my memory banks." 

The collection of Autobots, Decepticons and neutrals recoil in mingled horror and fascination. Whirl cackles gleefully. "And to think we thought WE were deviants! Humans have us beat tenfold!"

Rodimus shudders violently. "Okay deleting that file dump NOW before it ends up in human hands." 

Megatron turns to Swerve. "I would recommend actually looking up the song before trying to perform, it isn't what you believe, and under no circumstances is anyone allowed to play the song Cbat. I refuse to be responsible for what happens by cybertronian stupidity" he explains Megatron pins Swerve with a stern glare, ensuring his message has been received. The tiny bot nods frantically, clearly intimidated. Satisfied, Megatron turns on a heel striding from the bar, Autobots parting hastily to avoid collision with the imposing warlord. 

No sooner does he exit than there are shouts and whoops of laughter from within. Whirl's distinct cackle rises over the din, triumphant and slightly manic. "Oh sweet Primus, humans are WAY more glitchy than I even dared dream! Swerve, you've gotta see this slag, they call it the 'CBAT Incident'!". 

“Frag Whirl dont you ever listen to what anyone says!” Nautica huffs as she tries to make herself seem not intrigue in hearing about the story.

__

“ Hey Millian come take a look at this” Nadia coos tho her friend. The Swed turns and makes their way over to have a look at what Nadia was looking through. “Is, is that a Cybertronian human fucker poll!?” They state in shock only to start wheezing in amusement. 

“Oh you know it Sweetheart, but wait it gets better, seems the bots didn't check to make sure their personal files didn't transfer when we did the Interstellar holo/internet upgrade and by Allah is it juicy” she hums to Millian who quickly sits down eyes glued To the screen. 

“Does anyone else know about this yet?” Millian asked in delight. “Not to my knowledge,  I've been enjoying myself making a little QNA blog for bots to ask questions about humans, and boy has it been fun giving miss information to them.” She flashes Millian a smile while in turn laughs. 

“Oh I'm so down for this, lets see what we can find, Nadia you have just gifted me the best presents ever, I'm about to have a field day reading through these” they press a quick kiss to the side of her face before quickly typing away looking throight the multitude of different groups and forum's they can find. 

________

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[thatfreshi]

Not if You Collect Them Like Ex-lovers (Astarion x Reader)

Tw - couple arguing

Recommended Song: This Is Me Trying - Taylor Swift

Whenever you and Astarion fight, it gets ugly. Two extremely emotional people, two people who still aren't used to letting their guard down all the time, people with faults.

"I don't understand why it bothers you."

Usually, it starts with a misunderstanding, an attempt at love, a hand reaching out to simply ask a question.

"Because Astarion, it's my house too!"

Full names, no more sweets and doves. Throwing words around like rocks, glass bottles breaking on countertops, shards, shattering.

"Yes, our house, I thought that's what you wanted? Or was I mistaken when you pleaded with me, saying you wanted this forever."

Questions lose answers, no longer searching for love, just words to defend yourself with. When the friend becomes the enemy and your throat closes up with grief, what do you do other than fight back?

"I wanted a house that at least had some semblance of looking like a house, not just your shit everywhere!"

Wounds that run deep, that need to hold onto every little thing he finds, your home decorated with the most meaningless items, things that mean everything to him. To you they're knick-knacks, some of them even garbage, and that hoarder's mentality drives you mad. The argument was so incredibly stupid, easily solved, but it's impossible to be peaceful when you never get time apart.

"Well, why don't I just take my things and leave then?"

And there he goes, escalating when he feels cornered.

"Oh right, and go where Astarion? Go burn to a crisp in the sunlight, or maybe hide in an alleyway somewhere? I'm sure that'll be so much better than living with me!"

Poking the bear, as you do when you're stressed. You know he hates the fact that he's lost the sunlight, cursed to be in a wooden box with blackout curtains.

"I'm sure you'd love that, if I just disappeared right?"

Deflecting, but also wrapping himself in insecurity. It's a test, a trick question, a puzzle.

"At least I'd have some room in this fucking house to do anything without tripping over all your useless 'treasures.'"

From trying to understand to going on the prowl for hatred, you've reached a point of no return.

"Why do you even care Tav, I just like having things! Is that so much to ask? Are they not allowed to mean something to me?"

"Not if you collect them like ex-lovers!"

Astarion opens his mouth to say something else, but trembles. Now you've done it, gone too far. He scoffs, tears leaving his eyes.

"Well then perhaps I should have another."

It's late, the stars dotting the sky like scars from teeth, allowing the vampire to storm out of the house, slamming the door. You begin to cry as well, knowing you shouldn't have said that, knowing you didn't really mean it. You're just frustrated, the stuff scattered everywhere is overwhelming, and you just don't get why it matters.

When Astarion leaves, he knows he only has a couple of hours to cool off, to think things through. It's infuriating at times, being so chained to one place, after getting to explore the world for months on end. He wasn't allowed to have things with Cazador, not anything that was his own. After the nautiloid crash, he started grabbing everything he could get his hands on. Jewelry, pretty fabrics, anything that could possibly mean anything. Now he's stuck in one place again, but a place where he can finally store all those little finds, a nice-feeling rock, a bottle that reminds him of a night stroll the two of you took. It's a comfort in a scary transition, to be allowed to keep something, anything.

While you're thinking of where he's gone, you look around at all the things Astarion has piled up on the coffee table. A couple rolls of thread from the market, ones he hasn't even started to use, a stack of books he'll probably take forever to finally read. You go through these items forever, trying to organize all the little things he's left around the place, filling drawers with memories you didn't realize were important. After clearing out most of the things in the living room, you find a small, poorly crafted ring. It's heavily scratched, but has an inscription on the inside. Your mind floods with the magical feeling of the grove, and Astarion pocketing this ring after showing the young tiefling child a magic trick. Back then, his intentions were just to show the child that your things can get snatched up so easily, but he slowly began to believe it was lucky, just as the kid said. You meditate on the thought, realizing these items, they're all either moments or possibilities. The front door opens.

Somber steps, the sound of his dagger being placed on the nearby table. You turn around and walk towards him, wrapping your arms around each other.

"I'm sorry."

You manage to choke out.

"It's alright darling, I'm being ridiculous."

You shake your head, breaking the embrace.

"No, no you're not. I was going through all of this, all of this stuff, and you're right. It all means something."

"Stupid meanings though. It's all fear Tav, fear I'm going to forget, fear I'm going to lose everything I have."

"That's okay, it's okay to be scared."

You show him the tiefling's ring.

"But we don't have to be scared anymore. We have luck on our side, right?"

He laughs, fiddling with the silly scratched-up band.

"You remember this?"

You nod.

"Of course I remember. I still don't know how you did that trick."

"A magician never tells."

You both laugh, still crying

"Gods, I thought you were so annoying."

"Well apparently I still am if you had to take that heavy of a jab at my past."

You frown.

"I-"

"I know you didn't mean it love, but we can't just say things we don't mean to get a rise out of each other."

He's become better at being the voice of reason, growing, changing.

"It's just so overwhelming sometimes. I know you're new at this whole, living a domestic life thing, but I just want to have a say in our space. That's all."

"I know, I hear you and I respect that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made our space my space."

"I'm fine with all your keepsakes, but can we just organize them? Have a space for all your little treasures and such?"

"We do still have that extra room upstairs."

You push him.

"That's supposed to be another guest room!"

"Do we really need that many guest rooms?"

The two of you giggle to yourselves.

"You know if we can't host all our friends at once, they will throw a fit."

"Well, I'll find some way to give you some more space. I never wanted to make you feel suffocated."

You look into each other's eyes for a moment, seeing that spark again, finding that love bubble back up. Saying things you don't mean, meaning things you don't say, it's all so new to both of you.

"I know my love, I know."

You hold each other by the doorway for a while, mumbling about how to make this space work for the both of you, how when you start raising your voices, you need to just step away and rethink it. Learning to love, to truly love, to exist as one, it's such a struggle, but a worthwhile cause. After all, there's no one else you'd rather fight with.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Hey. This might be very stupid, but i hope you answer this.

Today I accidently got sucked into your blog, which is ironic since I'm a huge swiftie. (but I'm not here to hate on you, I swear)

The thing is for months I've been doubting where I stand on that. Like if i should call myself a swifte or not. when I was young, I used to worship the ground she walked on. but in the past year, I've slowly realised I've been very sheltered. like the problems people point out about her sometimes are actual real problems, but my brain just doesn't know how to respond to that as it has been taught taylor swift is a goddess and can do no wrong. Since your posts are tagged with #exswiftie, i figure you'd understand.

I am not from america, so I can understand then politics part of it all only to a certian extend. the other things, I just dont know what to say to that. The most i can reply is..."yes that is a bit of a problem". I feel don't feel like a swiftie at that moment.

I had fed my mind this narrative that people who hate taylor swift passionately are like untrustworthy or just a walking red flag, or just "don't get it". Now after reading your actual breakdowns I understand you have a rather educated opinion and perception of things. Which clearly rules out my narrative.

I don't know what I feel like I have to define where I stand on this, I just do. I know I genuinely enjoy her music a lot, even there are songs I don't want to hear more than once. I love the whole swiftie lore, digging deep on each lyrics finding out what they mean, finding clues easter eggs just losing my mind over surprise songs. Then i see this other side, which can't be defined with anything less than deeply toxic, which makes me question whether or not this thing i love so much is genuinely good or not.

Hello dear, apologies for the delay in reply :) I am happy to chat with you. I hope that you did not think I would ignore you.  

I was also a Swiftie for nearly 15 years. I got her debut record as a Christmas present in 2006 or 2007. Though I cannot remember which year it was, I loved her from the start. At 10 years old, I was immediately interested. My mother approved of me owning her music simply because she was inoffensive. She didn’t curse or talk about sex, in the beginning, so she was deemed appropriated for my childhood self.  She and I have since grown up. She is now a terribly pretentious bully- and, well, I grew up much too poor and much too hungry to turn into a bully like her. 

The problem- and something I think you’re very much aware of- is that Swift has built herself up in her fandom as perfect. She encourages fans to defend her every action- and rewards them for their efforts through “Swiftmas” or “Secret Sessions” or “hidden easter eggs that only the smartest- most dedicated fans will figure out.” It’s all methodically calculated to keep up an air of reciprocity between Swift, as the fearless leader, and her band of merry misfits- the fans.  

You are not dumb for falling into her rhetorical situation - she's set the marketing strategy up on purpose. It’s specifically created to attract attention- and, to make people feel good, or productive, by participating in her marketing strategy. She gives people an image of herself as a poor innocent victim of the media, or of any critique, and then rewards people for defending her. In Literary study, we call this “Pathos” as the rhetorical appeal to emotion through messaging- textual work of some kind. Rhetoric like this can be found in all sorts of media- commercials about starving children or beaten dogs, charity event banners aiming to persuade someone to donate. It’s all predicated on the appeal to our common emotion, or human capacity to empathize with each other. For, every time fans are rewarded by her attention- after defending her from a perceived enemy, or figuring out some hidden clue- they feel closer to the idol, they feel happy to have her attention. They get that emotional impact of believing they are helping Taylor Swift, or understanding her better on some more human, connected, level. It’s a game of risk and reward for her. Never mind that none of this altruistic- she gets paid through our attention on her- and if you are not directly lining her pockets with your cash money, she does not actually care about you. It’s the image of caring she projects that matters much more than the fact that she doesn’t actually care.

I’m sure you can think of many more examples wherein Swift has played this game of attention and reward with fans. It’s everywhere- her easter eggs are a great example. Sometimes her use of Pathos is benign- non malicious, therefore a non-issue. However, she often weaponizes this rhetoric in a way that is harmful.

This interplay she sets up, between herself and her fans, is made more intensive through her pathos- heavy approach to Rhetoric. To further illustrate, one of the ways people often explain Pathos is by saying that it represents our, as human beings, judgement affect. We see, or hear, the narrative Swift espouses and make judgements about it. If she says: The music critics are sexist towards me. We say: 1.) Sexism is morally wrong, 2.) Taylor Swift is facing sexism from Music critics, Therefore.) The music critics are sexist and morally wrong, because they are criticizing Taylor Swift.

So, all the critics are bad- and we don't need to listen to them. It's also a way Swift creates permissive attitudes towards attacking anyone who critique's her- because she can so easily label them all as sexist.

She uses this basic syllogism to justify leveraging her fans against all kinds of people- it's not just the critics. I just wanted to give a concrete example, and I will go more in depth on this subject in another post.  

She is playing with people’s emotions, while she is also self-victimizing,and leveraging her audience’s innate human rejection of, for instance, sexism as it offends our personal values. No one is saying that sexism isn't morally corrupt; however, Taylor Swift points to valid criticism and calls it sexism so that her audience will attack. People often have valid critique of Swift- She just doesn't want to face critique at all- ever. If people say her music is too self-centered- Swift says that is Sexism. If people say her music is boring- she calls it sexism. If people say her music is shallow and only centered are relationships- She calls it sexism. When, in reality, it's valid criticism that has nothing to do with her being a woman. Only ever writing songs about your own myopic, self-centered perception of interpersonal relationships is shallow. Her music is objectively boring, because it's derivative. Her music is completely self-centered- and she only admits to that when it benefits her, but when critics say it, she calls it sexism.

Please don’t think badly of yourself. I am not here to hate on you either- I was you. I am not here to hate on anyone at all- I just want to share how my own knowledge, and expertise, of rhetorical appeals and literary analysis can expose Taylor Swift. Swift relies on this rhetorical technique to thrive, she obfuscates the truth, schemes, and manipulates people into thinking her music is the best thing on Earth- or thinking that she is literally a Saint. Clearly- nothing on Earth is that perfect- So why does she need her fan base to consider her a genius, and a saint, so badly?

Personally, I have no problem admitting I have flaws. I think most sane people can admit to their flaws. It’s not a bad thing to have flaws. So why does Taylor Swift react to all criticism like it’s the worst thing on Earth. Why does she have a whole song about calling critics “mean/ and a liar/ and pathetic/ and alone in life” (“Mean” 2010). She has the nerve to call that song an “anti-bullying” song; yet, is it so clearly bullying that random critic who wrote a bad review about her concert one time in 2009? She really hated that guy- and all he was doing was his job. She called him a drunken loser for just doing his job. 

She's written so many songs about how all her critics are just stupid, morally corrupt, or sexist: "The Man" (2019), "Mean" (2010), "But Daddy I love Him" (2024), "New Romantics" (2014), "Shake it Off" (2014), "I know Places" (2014), "Anti-Hero" (2023), "Paris" (2023), "Blank Space" (2014), "I did something Bad" (2018), "Dancing with our hands tied" (2018). There are more songs wherein she carries this theme of "everyone is out to get me, and they all hate me for no good reason" but I think I've listed enough.

The general message is all over "Evermore" and "Folklore" too every time she calls the general public "Clowns" or "masqueraders"

It's just everywhere- her subtle devaluation of legitimate criticism. Trying to chalk it all up to the critics being simply dumb, sexist, or malicious in some way. Perhaps some people are mean- true- but to generalize every criticism as evil? That's just her actually playing a victim card. There's no way every single critic, or person who doesn't like her, is evil, bad, or malicious in some way. Okay?

I’m tired of her claiming to be an amazing person and an amazing poet- when she is just not either of those things. She’s not a kind person- it's all over her music in the ways she maliciously hurts people for fun. She’s not an amazing poet either. I have a few college degrees- and one pass through her work, with a serious intention of literary analysis, I discover that her writing is plain, banal, and derivative. 

She wants everyone to compare her to Emily Dickinson, Dylan Thomas, and Shakespeare. So, I’m doing what she wants and taking her work seriously enough to critique it. Except that, in critique, I find out why it’s all poorly written- and why it’s just a bunch of thinly veiled conservative iterations of the same boring message over and over. All she ever says in her music is “poor me” and “I hate” (insert person- Kim K., Kanye, Matty, Joe, Jake, John, Scooter, Scott, Harry, Calvin, the media at large, anyone who critiques her, and men in the music industry as a whole). She has the longest list of enemies I think I’ve ever seen- and the funny thing is that all these people avoid her at all costs. None of these people talk about her- yet she is still singing, writing songs, and getting her fans to post memes about how awful they are years, even decades, later.  

It all gets a bit tiresome? No? Personally, I don’t wish to live a life full of such self-pity and hatred- so why should I listen to it in music form? Ya know?  

In my posts, I am attempting to find the truth. I don’t want to “hate” on anyone or anything- but I am going to seek truth in her work.  

I will be posting more about how she devoids Shakespeare of his social reformist efforts. I’m going to post more about how she twists the meaning of every literary reference she’s ever made. I am not kidding, she has misrepresented, and misinterpreted every single literary reference in her entire discography. It’s astounding how hard Swift tries to sound thoughtful- without actually being thoughtful. I will be posting about how she only ever name-drops to either tear other people down or self-depreciate herself in effort to seek pity. I will be talking more about her use of rhetorical appeals to both attract an audience, keep their attention through risk-reward trade-off, and manipulate them into fighting her battles for her. I will be talking about how she upholds a bunch of harmful stereotypes in her music. She often alludes, or blatantly includes allusion to colonialist attitudes. She’s used the LGBT community for profit without making any real activist efforts. She’s leveraged feminism like a weapon against other women- yet never actually has feminist themes in her music. She’s just so painfully hollow- upon closer inspection.  

I don’t hate her as a person. I think she’s unethical, sure, but that doesn’t mean I hate her, want her to die, or anything extreme at all. I would never wish harm to another human being. In fact, after seeing a lot of the harmful stuff in her music, especially about her kind of fucked up views on relationships, I sincerely hope she gets some professional help and finds some peace in this world. When I critique Taylor Swift it’s about her work and her brand- It's not about her personhood.  

I just think that no one Earth is above reproach, or critique, and we must all be held accountable for our own actions. She’s the one that puts her work out there for people- It's therefore completely appropriate for me to discuss her work. 

Edit: Oh and I want to add- I wish you luck in figuring out what you really think about Taylor Swift. If you ever need to talk or vent more- my inbox is always open. :) With peace and love- bye bye

[delulu4dean]

“Audio-Therapy”

Warnings: none

Parings: Dean x sister!reader

Summary: you show Dean the magic of audio therapy

Word count: 1,679

You’ve known your brothers Sam and Dean since you were about ten years old. Your dad didn’t tell you about them, and he didn’t tell them about you. It was a one night stand after a hunt, he met your mom at a bar and you were born. When you were ten, your mom said she’s done raising you on her own, and demanded John be in your life. Unfortunately it wasn’t going to happen, as John was dead. Finding out about Adam was already a lot that year for them, but finding out about you too? A ten year old sister? Sam and Dean weren’t exactly happy or excited. And then the whole thing with Lucifer and Sam being in the cage together happened. That’s when Dean started being more present in your life. Along with him being with Lisa and Ben, he had you sleep over a few times, he’s visited other times. And that’s when your connection to the Winchester brothers started.

Around the time you were fifteen, there was a time where Dean died, and then he wasn’t. And during that time, you helped Sam look for Dean, because one moment Dean was dead in the bunker, the next he was gone, with a letter left behind. Sam fought against you helping at first, but he was desperate to find Dean. This was your first real experience with the supernatural world. Seeing Dean as a demon was a terrifying experience, to say the least. But you knew you wanted to be a hunter just like your brothers. And after you, Castiel, and Sam cured Dean, you begged and begged and begged to be a hunter just like them. Sam and Dean protested and protested, but you didn’t back down. You chose to stay with them instead going back home. It’s not like your mother protested much, she never wanted a kid, let alone to be a single mother. But she also didn’t know what kind of things Sam and Dean were involved with.

Here you are now, 23, living in the bunker with your older brothers, still. You’ve become quite the skilled hunter, and you can tell your brothers are proud. Proud and scared.

You’ve picked up on some things over the years. One being how much Dean bottles up all his emotions. It’s not like you’re one to talk much about your feelings either, you typically keep them to yourself… for the most part. But in your time at the bunker you’ve discovered audio therapy. And you figured it’s time Dean tries it.

“Dean, grab your keys, we’re going on a drive,” you order your eldest brother.

“Where?” he asked, looking up from his laptop.

“I dunno, maybe we can grab some burgers or something.” You shrug.

Dean looks at you for a moment, thinking.

“You just want to go on a drive?”

“Yes, I’m introducing you to therapy.”

“So I’m driving to a therapist?” Dean raises his eyebrow.

“No, just get your butt in the car,” you push.

Dean reluctantly shuts his laptop, and gets up, grabbing his key. You can tell he was not in the mood for anything with the word therapy in it, especially after taking you to your “retail therapy session.” You both get in his car and you put in a mixtape you had to make for the car because no way was Dean letting you just find a way to connect your phone to it.

“Hey, you know the rules,” he starts.

“The rules are stupid when you don’t let anyone else drive this car, so zip it,” you tell him.

“So what’s this therapy?” Dean asks you, starting the car.

“Audio therapy,” you answer.

“What, like driving with music? I already do that. All the time. A little bit of AC/DC and some time on the road and I’m good.” He begins driving.

“It’s more complicated than that. Ignoring your feelings isn’t therapy, Dean,” you begin to explain. “Audio therapy is screaming at the top of your lungs to songs that sing your pain.”

“Like that mixtape you made? The one with all the emo songs?”

“Yes, and that’s what we’re listening to right now, so I can show you what audio therapy feels like.”

You press play, and One Step Closer by Lincoln Park. And as the song plays, and you sing along, Dean just listens. You enjoy your time singing, and then you start screaming. “Shut up when I’m talking to you! Shut up! Shut up!” Dean glances at you before his eyes go back to the road, his facial expression a mix of concerned and impressed.

“You okay, kid?” he finally asks.

“After that song? Yes,” you smile.

“So what makes this different than just listening to music?”

“You find songs that you relate to and sing your little heart out. Someone else already put your feelings into words, all you gotta do is sing them,” you try to explain to your brother. “So are you going to play your music, or what?”

Dean starts playing his music, mumbling the words. You lean forward to turn up the volume before slumping back into the passenger seat.

“I can’t hear you!” you poke his arm.

“Why does this matter so much to you?” Dean questions you.

“Because all you do is hold in your emotions. You don’t talk about anything, you just hold it all in. This way you can at least get some of it out,” you spell out for him.

“I’m fine,” he insists.

“You know, I’ve never heard a person who’s actually fine say ‘I’m fine.’ They’re always the complete opposite of fine.”

“What about when you say you’re fine?”

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you actually believe me when I say that!”

“You’re ‘I’m fine’ is very convincing,” Dean defends himself. “Considering your resting tone is annoyed.”

“That’s not my resting tone, I’m just always annoyed. Like have you ever thought maybe, just maybe, I’m just never fine?”

Dean sighs, as you both fall into silence, minus the music playing in the car. Dean mumbles to the music again, as he pulls into the parking lot of a local burger joint.

“Are you okay?” Dean asks.

“Yes, actually,” you say. You avoid ‘I’m fine’ after the conversation you and your brother just had.

“Are you sure?” Dean looks over at you. “Because you just said you’re never-“

“I’m okay. I’m not great but I’m okay,” you insist, cutting him off. “But I’ll be great if I can get a burger in my tummy!”

The two of you walk inside and order, before sitting at the table. After a few minutes, you’re digging in. Well Dean is digging in, you’re eating slower than him. He wipes his mouth before taking a sip of his soda before looking up at you.

“So, what’s up with you, anything new?” Dean asks you. “Any boyfriends?” You shake your head in response, your mouth full of food. “Girlfriend?” You shake your head again.

Silence falls onto you again, as you continue eating your food, one fry by one fry. Dean just watched you eat.

After eating, the two of you walk to his car and he plays his music again. You just look out the window as he drives around. He sings along to the music, this time louder, clearer. As you look out the window you see you’re not going home, but rather that’s he’s continuing the drive. You look up at him and he’s really getting into the song that’s playing. The drive keeps going for the next fifteen minutes until you’re somewhere. Nowhere? Well it’s dark, no cars around.

“Shit, you’re finally going to kill me,” you joke, in a serious tone with a deadpanned face. Dean did not pick up on the joke.

“Kill you? What no, we’re here to… talk about our feelings,” Dean says. You can tell it was harder for him to say the last part, because Dean has to fight it out.

“That’s the point of the music,” you groan.

“Come on, kid. I’m thinking I’m not the only one you’re doing this for.”

“I want you to open up to me, not the other way around,” you explain to him.

“I will, but you got to open up to me too.”

“I’m just dealing with normal stuff, you’re the guy who saves tons of lives. You have a lot more to talk about.”

Dean sighs, putting the car in park. He looks over at you, taking a deep breath, as he puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Look, just because the things I’ve been through are crazy, doesn’t mean you haven’t been through stuff.”

“See this is why I prefer the music, nobody has to talk. We can sing, we can scream, and I don’t have to feel like I’m burdening you with my problems. You may say it’s fine but I don’t feel like it is. If these feelings are all too much for me I can’t imagine dumping them on somebody else, so-“

“Hey, it’s a lot for one person to carry alone, let me carry the weight with you.” Dean’s hands move from your shoulder to your head, steadying your face to look him in the eyes. “Tonight we’re both going to open up. You let out how you’re feeling to me, and I’ll tell you how I’m feeling.”

And that’s how you spend the rest of the night. For the next hour and a half, you and Dean take turns, going back and forth talking about things. Small things, big things, whatever is bubbling over or irking you, you talk about it. Sometimes one of your problems will remind Dean of something, and it flows into a new conversation. There’s some crying too, but good crying. And this is just the beginning of a weekly check in you and dean start doing. Once a week, you play some songs, sing out how you feel, and by the end of the night, if it’s still not enough, you talk it out.

✰✰✰✰✰

A/N: This kind of sucks sorry I had like a different idea but I did not know how to write it so I just did this.

[mixterglacia]

THIS IS THE PART WHERE LOGAN BITCHES ABOUT CARTOONS

WARNING: VIVZIEPOP CRITICAL, STOLITZ CRITICAL

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I don't like this show, and I don't pretend to. Full transparency, I'm meaner in this then any before now. This is also slightly more disjointed than normal because I was directly reacting to the episode it's self.

"I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce." MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE RUSHING THESE THINGS BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE HE'S WAITED TWO DAYS. EVEN IF IT'S BEEN MONTHS IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT.

"I'll hear him and not the voice that says I'm not enough" Oh boo hoo bitch. You've seriously done nothing to convince me to feel bad for this stupid fucking asshole. His writing is full of holes and contradictions. It makes him feel like two different people.

"I'll set us free!" Are you quite sure that means what you think it means you stupid fucking ass.

Framed adoption certificate is a nice touch. Very cute.

Blitz is immediately not coming off how they want. I think they're -trying- to imply he has some deeply buried feelings too, but it comes off as "i didn't want this and i still don't want this, why can't it just be normal hookup shit."

"I'll die alone if this goes wrong!!" You have the emotional depth of a teaspoon and are about as interesting as one. Boo fucking hoo. BAD.

NGL this really made their wealth difference hit home. Why the flying fuck is blitz still bordering on abject poverty dude? You should be able to help him advertise send something IDK man, if you really gave a shit, why aren't you trying to actually help him in a genuine way? I'm sure he wouldn't say no if you slipped a hundred bucks or so into the book every so often. I fucking hate it here.

"Would he want me if he was free?" No. Next question. (You've done very little if anything to prove Blitz actually wants strings attached in this.)

"If he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?" Little late to have this realization but I'll take it. Also can we seriously stop downplaying how awful this is for BLITZ to go through? Stolas is severely over represented in Blitz's own fucking show. Why is Blitz so underdeveloped??? Why, dude? The episodes that mainly focus on him are pretty okay, but once Stolas shows up it's all fucking stupid.

If Blitz rejects him (which he should. Look how fucking anxious he is just THINKING about this.) he could lose his entire way of life. No more apartment, probably gonna get Loona taken away. Probably has to resort to prostitution or return to clowning. Stolas just gets to go about his life of luxury.

Why is Blitz's emotional well being such an after thought in this duet? THIS IS NOT STOLAS' SHOW.

"He showed me that I could choose" ...Dude. You have given no weight to swing that line at us. This isn't much of a choice in the grand scheme of things. Stolas and Stella already had the kid. The marriage never had to last. Not from the impression you've given us. He's a toddler deciding he wants chocolate milk instead of regular. We have never been shown he's actually going to lose anything of real value. He's still a prince. He's still got his money. Like are they trying to have him killed, sure but lets be real he's A PRINCE OF HELL. Assassination attempts are like...Tuesday for him.

GOD THIS SONG IS ASS. I will not allow Blitz to be painted as the bad guy here. Fuck Stolas, and fuck the team for trying to make it seem like we should feel bad for him. They both suck. BUT STOLAS IS OBJECTIVELY IN THE WRONG.

Ah yes, The Helluverse special of "let's yeet a stupid ass joke in the middle of plot, completely derailing anything." it has only been a few seconds and it's already going on for too long. Go learn from Bojack or RvB.

...........This cherub bit is throwing your entire lore off. If these idiots are having to do this shit to get by, why are they acting like heaven bound can do whatever they want in Hazbin? If all you meant by that line is the human souls in heaven, you totally screwed up the message there. Your points are murky at best, and you're contradicting yourself at every turn.

...............Are the cherubs mortal now? Like they're flying and glowing but they have to eat???? Huh? I don't think I've ever realized you're showing they eat a lot, but surely you don't actually have to eat as an angel or demon? Surely it's just a choice???? That's genuinely so fucking stupid???? WHY IS THAT EVEN A THING?

WE DON'T NEED FIVE ANTAGONISTS IN A CHARACTER DRIVEN EPISODE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING YOUR MAIN PUNCH. YOU ARE TAKING AWAY TIME THAT SHOULD BE USED TO ACTUALLY PROVE BLITZ HAS SOME KIND OF FEELINGS FOR STOLAS. BAD.

Honestly the stuff with these five would have been a fun standalone minisode. NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EPISODES.

Bloody alleyway was a phenomenal cutaway gag. Points.

You really are not making it sound like Blitz likes this at ALL.

"If someone wants to see you less and less? Big red flag." NOT IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, DUH. He's literally a prince of hell in an affair with a """childhood friend""" who was literally PURCHASED for him. The whole thing is a red flag. Not just this!

You are making it exceedingly clear Blitz's just in it because he think's he'll lose the book. I don't give a rats ass about what micro-development you're going for. You take away time needed for showing that Blitz is conflicted on more than one level to do stupid ass tertiary character shit. YOUR CAST IS OVER BLOATED. BAD.

If you wanted me to feel bad for Stolas, maybe don't show that Blitz has an Angel-esque box of sex toys because he thinks he has to impress him. Stolas should have made it very clear AGES ago that he just wants Blitz. If Blitz is this hung up on needing to impress the damned bird, something very VERY wrong is happening in the bedroom.

If you seriously want us to think Blitz has feelings/cares about Stolas (Not that he HAS to), this sex candle shop would have been a perfect place to do it. "Well, he really likes it when I do this-" "This is his favorite colour." "This is his favorite scent." Blitz clearly knows nothing about Stolas, and both of them are to blame. This relationship is never EVER going to work if they know this little about each other when they've been regularly boning for ages. He should know more about what he likes. "What's the mood!?" "I don't know!" Woof. Full stop. This is never going to work in a real scenario. Womp Womp Move on.

HOW DOES BLITZ NOT KNOW HIS MEASUREMENTS. HOW CAN HE NOT JUST HELL-GOOGLE HIS MEASUREMENTS. STOLAS IS A PUBLIC FIGURE IT WOULD BE KNOWN. HE DOESN'T CARE, ERGO WE DON'T CARE. BAD.

Like he seems to MILDLY know what Stolas likes but this should be WAY clearer. Especially if you want us to think Blitz secretly cares too.

Love Fizz's new outfit. Very cute.

Gonna be real, Fizz and Blitz are seriously adorable. Can Ozzie pick him up too and actually show Blitz what being sexually valued is like? Because clearly he pulled it off with Fizz. Because he clearly enjoys sex and it feels like Stolas is just...using him. Not enjoying him. It's gross and SHOULD feel gross, because it FUCKING IS.

This whole bit with the cherubs makes it feel like we aren't supposed to give a damn about the main plot. That it's just a silly background to TERTIARY CHARACTER NONSENSE. BAD.

So far this confrontation is good as far as the pit of dread it opened in my stomach. I still really don't feel bad for Stolas. I feel bad for blitz. Him begging tore my soul out. It's so obvious how bad this power imbalance has gotten. I refuse to entertain these two any longer. This show needs to GROW UP and get over them, leave it here and I will forgive it.

Stolas should have 100% consulted Blitz before OFFICIALLY PUTTING HIM UNDER OZZIE'S JURISDICTION THAT'S NOT OKAY. Even if he leaves him alone, that can absolutely be weaponized.

"Am I not fucking you good enough?" Doesn't come off as him wanting more. Blitz feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the love of the gods stop stringing this POORLY WRITTEN. BADLY RETCONNED. PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A WELL DONE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP ALONG. BAD. MOVE. THE FUCK. ON.

"I care very deeply and have for a long time" You sure as shit never showed it.

To Those in The Back. ONE GRAND GESTURE DOES NOT FIX A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP. This is Mr. Peanutbutter with the library thing. This is Not ROMANTIC. This IS EMBARRASSING.

If he really cared, Blitz would not be living in poverty. If he really cared, he'd make an effort to engage beyond sex. IF HE REALLY CARED HE WOULD HAVE DIVORCED HIS WIFE THE PROPER WAY AND NOT TRAUMATIZED HIS FUCKING DAUGHTER OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Stolas is a godsawful woobified piece of shit that doesn't have the decency to acknowledge he's the problem, and when he does, has the fucking AUDACITY to behave like a pathetic child. This I was wrong speech is DOGSHIT and has no punch to it because more than half of the episode was TERTIARY CHARACTER BULLSHIT.

Blitz has EVERY RIGHT to see this as a joke. I immediately burst out laughing because YEAH. WHEN HAVE YOU GIVEN HIM ANY IMPRESSION YOU CARED BEYOND GETTING YOUR FREAK ON?

"Thank you for being here for a little while." Oh boo fucking hoo. Get over yourself. "It's just about sex" BECAUSE YOU NEVER MADE IT ANYTHING ELSE YOU FUCKING BOZO.

I am immediately cheering Blitz on in his retort. He's fucking earned it. You're not going to make me feel bad by making them show up in the room from their childhood. Blitz is completely in the right here.

If Stolas really thought so highly of him, he'd be putting in more of an effort. Stolas treats Blitz the way he treats Octavia. Like they're dolls from his childhood. If he wanted to do right by them, he would. He is FUCKING ROYALTY. There is NO reason he can't put in more effort for the people he supposedly loves. You don't love them. You love the idea of them. You can't accept that they aren't the idea in your head. This isn't love. It's abuse.

Fuck you. Blitz has NOTHING to apologize for.

It's like Stolas doesn't seem to think he's the problem. No shit, of course Blitz isn't going to react the way you thought he would. Why are you just THROWING HIM OUT RATHER THAN TALKING TO HIM? BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY WORK FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS YOU STUPID ASS OWL. YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO YOU ON A PLATE YOU RICH DUMBASS.

Fuck everyone trying to paint Blitz as the bad guy.

FUCK. YOU.

He's just trying to survive! He has a fucking daughter! A found family! EVERYTHING to lose!

Stolas just gets his fucking feelings hurt. He is the architect of his own undoing. Suck my entire ass. This was easily the worst episode bar none.

The tone was ALL OVER the place, and not in an effective way. The plot moved at a halt and go pace and all the fun bits were BOGGED DOWN by the supposed point of the episode! You can't tell me this shit took all that time, unless you were constantly saying "OOOO YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE COOL/FUNNY?" and shooting your production scheduled in the foot!

The rest of the portraiture being covered up is a very nice touch.

I can't believe you've gotten me to defend BLITZO of all people. But here we are. I guess I'm on his team. (He's an abusive dick, but NO ONE deserves this.)

[xylianasblog]

Never felt so alone.

Pairings: Loak x Fem!reader

Summary: You were all he wanted until you weren’t despite being what he needed.

Requested: Yes/No

Warnings: angst, cursing.

< Previous Next >

Everyone was gathered around on the rock still learning the ways of the water, you picked up things quickly to avoid being around the others. Avoided the pity glances from the Sully’s and the questioning gaze of Ao’nung and Roxto, luckily for you Tsireya never bother you and you liked it that way. As friendly and as nice as she was you didn’t like her around you, but that wasn’t your fault. You preferred being away from them, it helped ease the pain that you grew accustomed to, the pain that you accepted.

You sat with your legs hugged to your chest quietly listening to the conversation that was currently happening training now forgotten about. They were telling stories of before you guys left the Omatikaya clan. “Lo’ak had an indent of a rock on his forehead for an entire month!” Neteyam chuckled at the memory as he told the story of Lo’ak falling and landing on a rock, you couldn’t help but smile. You were there that day making sure he was okay before his own mother and father could get to him. “The skxawng whined all the time about it, it got so bad that Y/n punched him in the cheek for it.” You found yourself giggling as Kiri spoke of that day, the memories still fresh, still vivid in your mind they played over and over like a record that you couldn’t help but rewind. Like your favorite song that you never wanted to lose because then it would become so hard to find.

“Guys seriously why are all the stories about me!” Whined Loak the others laughed and you couldn’t help but scoff. “Because you’re the only one stupid things happen to.” You found yourself saying softly, your eyes finally landing on his before looking around the group smiling just a bit. It was the first time you’ve actually spoken besides answering questions, you had grown tired of all the questions, you just wanted to be alone truthfully.

After a bit more talking and avoiding Lo’aks questioning gaze you immediately hurried off to be alone. You went to leave so you could find your comfort in the silence you craved, the silence you grew to love. It was a security blanket, one that you begged to be wrapped up in on days like this. Finding yourself in a secluded part of the village you laid on your back basking in the setting sun and the feel of the warm sand against the back of your skin. You closed your eyes bathing in the sound of the waves.

Your ears didn't pick up any sounds of the approaching feet crunching in the sand. You only knew who it was when they began speaking to you. “Y/n don’t talk to me much anymore, you actually don’t even look at me.” Letting out a small huff you did your best to keep your cool as you heard his statement. The footsteps only stopped a few feet away, you opened your eyes to see Lo’ak crouched down in front of you, a frown on his lips as he glared at you. “Today was the first time in nearly four months I’ve heard your voice.” He grumbled his tail moving slowly behind him as his ears perked up. “I miss you. Do you know that I still need you.”

His words hurt your heart, the instant pain felt suffocating. “It’s not like you noticed.. you haven’t noticed you’ve been to busy with your love to notice anything or anyone around you.” You spoke your voice was soft, no sign of life or fight as you spoke your truth. He opened and closed his mouth as he listened, after taking a few moments he responded. “That’s not true I only pulled away because you started acting funny! Treating me differently.” His voice was angry his fist balled up in his lap. You immediately sat up this, the change of emotions hitting you so quickly.

“You need me?? Don’t you fucking lie! You don’t need me. You only needed me until you didn’t! I was all you wanted until I wasn’t! Until you didn’t need me anymore. I was just a want for you, something you had until you didn’t want me anymore!” Your voice was calm despite all your emotions running haywire. “You were all I had known! All I had wanted! You weren’t a want for me, you were a need.” You yelled at him, getting onto your knees to push at his chest repeatedly, you felt the tears building up in your eyes. “You were all I needed. You called me and I came! You told me to come, to leave everything I knew because it was you and me!” A choke sob broke free but your tears never fell.

“It was me and you.. I saw you when no one else did! Did you know that? All those times you were alone, when you felt outcasted, when you had no one. I was there I saw you Lo’ak, every last bit of you.” Your words were a whisper, but he could not find a lie within your words, because not a trace of a lie fell from your lips, your words cut his heart so deep from within he flinch as if you had physically hit him. With one final push to his chest he fell back eyes wide and full of unshed tears, as quick as your body could move you turned and ran, ran without stopping, ran until you were far away from Lo’ak.

You wanted to be away from everything, everyone. You needed to be alone, needed to feel the solitude, you needed to feel the blanket of warmth that the quiet provided. The serenity that being alone brought you, you craved the touch of peace, because it was all you had come to need.

Tags: @avatar4life

[lucigoo]

If I sing it loud and clear, will you finally hear?

#259 - House of Cards, @flashfictionfridayofficial

Pairing -Geralt/Jaskier

Warnings - None

Words - 1005

Summary - Jaskier has a new song and is as subtle as a drunken Lambert.

If Geralt doesnt see Jaskier's feelings for him now, well theres no hope for him.

Ao3 link here

Geralt walked back into the tavern as Jaskier was finishing off another embellished song about a hunt he hadn’t even been on. Typical Bard, he thought with a sigh as he grabbed a plate of food and two tankards of ale.

Geralt sat in the corner waiting for Jaskier to finally notice him. He figured it would be a while, what with how he was prancing around and having fun.

His raunchier songs fell into ballads, followed by a few of the sappier romantic songs Jaskier loved.

Geralt appreciated them because they were some of the only songs Jaskier hadn’t written about him.

He was listening with half an ear whilst Jaskier finished “her sweet kiss,” when he saw Jaskier spot him.

The smile on Jaskier’s face at just seeing Geralt did something funny to the Witcher’s insides. Something he still couldn’t explain but refused to look into, terrified of what he would find the cause to be.

Before he could contemplate it any more, Jaskier smiled down at his audience. “And tonight, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, a new song debut for you all.”

Geralt noticed Jaskier slowly strumming a new style of song on his lute as he jumped from table to table before stopping a few tables away from him.

“May I present my newest song, My House of Cards,” he called to his audience before he sang.

I don’t want to be your friend

I just want to be your lover

No matter how it ends

No matter how it starts

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine

Fall off the table

And get swept under

Denial, denial

The infrastructure will collapse

From magical spikes

Throw your crowns in the bowl

Kiss your husband goodnight

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine

Fall off the table

And get swept under

Denial, denial

Denial, denial

(Your ears should be burning)

Denial, denial

(Your ears should be burning)

Jaskier slowly walked atop the tables as he softly sang before he made it back Geralt’s way.

Geralt watched as Jaskier looked him in the eyes before softly crooning to him directly.

I don’t want to be your friend

I just want to be your lover

No matter how it ends

No matter how it starts

Geralt sat there paralysed for a few moments as Jaskier sent him a sad little grin before he vaulted back off the table and started singing “Toss a coin” as his final song for the night.

Geralt made his way up to their shared room, mulling over Jaskier’s behaviour and his latest song as he did so.

Geralt was not a stupid man, but with his dampened emotions, it meant he wasn’t so clear on others unless they were loud.

Anger, lust, hatred. They were all loud, vibrant emotions that Geralt could smell easily.

Jaskier smelt of honeysuckle and sunshine, though. He had always smelt like that, or at least since after the whole elf affair all those years ago.

For such an unsubtle man, his emotions, bar happiness, weren’t clear to Geralt at all. He was clever with his words and loved so much about life that he rarely didn’t smell of joy, which had always confused Geralt, who rarely felt joy, let alone never smelt like it.

It always spiked when he and Geralt found one another again, but he had assumed that was just because they were friends, even if Geralt rarely admitted it.

He would now, though. To himself at least. Jaskier was his best friend, the only one outside of his brothers and Vessimer he truly trusted, and yes, that included Yennifer.

Geralt sat there silently, contemplating his own emotions when Jaskier stumbled through the door to their shared room, a little tipsy and high on another phenomenal performance.

“Geralt, you're awake,” Jaskier exclaimed happily, getting ready for bed after he had set his lute down carefully.

“I always wait for you to get back unless you tell me not to Jask,” Geralt said quietly.

“You do. You do indeed, Dear heart. Aren’t I lucky?” Jaskier asked with a smile as he settled behind Geralt on the bed.

Geralt listened to Jaskier settling down before he toed his own boots off and sat against the headboard beside where he lay. “Jask ...” he said before trailing off.

“Yes, love?” Jaskier replied, already half asleep.

“Do you?” Geralt found himself asking quickly.

“Do I what, Geralt?” Jaskier asked as he sat up, hearing something nervous in the witcher’s voice.

“I mean, what if ...” Geralt trailed off again.

“Geralt?” Jaskier asked again as he placed his lute calloused hand against Geralt’s shoulder.

Geralt wasn’t sure what to say or how to say what he actually wanted to, so instead he grabbed Jaskier’s hand and slowly raised it to his lips, giving Jaskier all the time in the world to pull away.

Jaskier didn’t and Geralt was suddenly filled with a burst of adrenaline as his lips kissed the soft skin on the back of Jaskier’s hand.

“I think ... I know. I love you,” Geralt rushed out.

Jaskier let out a happy, tinkling laugh and Geralt swore he could see the scent of Jaskier’s happiness in the air around them; it had spiked that thickly.

“Oh, I know Dear heart. I have known for years. I love you too Geralt,” Jaskier returned as he kissed Geralt’s cheek and pulled them down to rest side by side.

“I like the new song,” Geralt said, slightly bewildered but happy by Jaskier’s response, regardless.

“It was written for you, love. Most of them are, after all,” Jaskier said with a soft laugh as he settled over Geralt’s chest.

Geralt meditated until morning, unwilling to sleep, when Jaskier’s ear was pressed against his heart. The heart that Jaskier had owned for longer than Geralt would ever have known if the other man he hadn’t pointed it out.

[siennaditbot]

Just finished watching all of Kim Possible for the first time ever (and in English) and man, it's such a great show.

I did watch it as a kid whenever it aired in Finnish. (I miss those fun school mornings...) The dub was ok as well, though I won't go back to that again. Did check for some clips and I'm glad I was able to watch it back then, but CCR and Will Friedle are so good. The others are too, ofc.

Anyway, back then it was all tainted by my own feelings, cuz I too had a guy childhood best friend I had feelings for. I saw him and myself in them and wanted the same yadda yadda yadda. Well, stuff happened and we haven't talked in at least a year. No big, pfft.

At least this time I got to enjoy this show without them stupid feelings affecting my experience lol. (Except with the So the Drama "a loop has been formed and I'm not in it" and all the Ron feelings about Kim finding someone else. Ugh, been there.)

Anyway, binge watching gave me a completely new experience. Not much shipping related stuff in the first 2 seasons, though there were some I giggled over and replayed to analyze. Mostly just best friends being best friends. No significant awkwardness.

Seasons 3 and 4 though? GAHH. So much ship teasing. Emotion Sickness is my absolute fav episode with Kim getting a device that controls emotions and makes her fall in love with Ron, and the guy's so confused but also so so lovestruck. (He didn't know abt the device at first btw)

I love all those soff little Ron moments, I keep replaying them over and over.

"It (them dating) could happen!"

"It's not that I haven't thought about it, I mean who hasn't?"

"What's not to like about Kim? She's smart and cute..."

"Something's different now. I mean there's something between us... Who am I kidding, that's not different. There's been something there for a long time. I think there's something there. Does she?"

Gahhh I love soff Ron so much.

Also yes I am the type to rewatch all the soft and kissy scenes over and over, there are others too since compilation videos exist!!

Anyway, just realized how most of their kisses are initiated by Kim, but my favourites? (Lol that feels cringe to say. Fav kisses? Pfft) Either both going in or initiated by Ron! (The Emotion Sickness one is great too, Ron's so love struck!!! Adorable.)

-> So the Drama dance scene (THEY'RE SO SOFF GO LOOK AT THEIR FACES), one where they run into each other's arms, and the final one where Ron places his hands on her face and goes in first.

I never knew how much I wanted to do a forehead touch->kiss or have someone hold my face like that.

Also S1 EP1 Ron voice superiority. So low and cute. That makes me swoon. Gahhhh. Rewatched the first few minutes and DANG I WISH HE KEPT THAT VOICE. I'm barely able to form a sentence rn. Gahh.

Also adore all the denial scenes, Kim's too. Girl's so jealous of Yori. "Awk-weird" to bring your best friend as a kinda date to an event? Oh yeah, feed me. I love the awkward pre-dating stage so much that I'm mad my Sonic fic doesn't have more of it lol.

All the tiny nods to stuff changing during season 3? Ron going "She's not my girlfriend!!" to Shego of all people, all of a sudden and without probing, just cuz she asked where Kim was! I love him.

Also, the theme song is banger. Also also, I set the communicator beep-beep-be-beep as my notif sound. Kinda confusing while watching, though, heh.

Was that all? I think so, maybe. I'm pretty sure no one will read this but hey, what is Tumblr for if not stuff like this. Yay for fictional men and couples!

As a final note, I don't think Ron's an absolute swoon worthy guy (barely feel compelled to draw him), I just appreciate guys being soft. Yes, go talk about your feelings and yes, stutter your way to victory!

Anyway, now I'm done.

I'mma throw some gifs under the cut though.

JUST LOOK AT THEM AND THEIR SOFF FACES AND EYES AAAAAAAAAAA

[i-sveikata]

Hi Gabby!

I have another great song for VegasPete playlist!

Masterpiece by Motionless In White

"All the stupid lies and the stupid games

Left a vacancy in this picture frame

A prisoner by my own hands

'Cause if I can't have me, then no one can

I need to heal what I inflict

But I'll burn that bridge when I get to it

As I play roulette with a broken gun

I confess these sins with a sharp and spiteful tongue

So how do I apologize

And put the tears back in your eyes

When every canvas that I paint

Is a masterpiece made of my mistakes?"

I think this could be about Vegas. Putting Pete as a prisoner but also his own self too? Vegas is a prisoner of his family heritage, trauma and mafia life but Vegas puts himself in the cage where no one else can reach. He doesn't think he deserves anything, love or affection. His own thoughts are sabotaging him. He needs to heal the wound he inflicted on Pete and himself. More actually on himself. How long did he battle with emotions through physical pain to distract himself? He will burn many bridges before he gets there. And with his sharp tongue he will push Pete away to .. do what he will in the next chapter lol

This one made me think, did Vegas or Pete ever cried in your fic? We know well that series Vegas is a little pitiful meow meow cry baby. Cause I don't remember if they ever did, and if they didn't.. will they in the future?

I'm not gonna lie. I love unhinged psychopath Vegas but I also love his soft and broken side in the series too.

The scene where Vegas and Pete cried at the same time, alone, after the safehouse. It's one of my favorite scenes. And the significance of food there too!

Anyway, hope you have a nice day/night and week!

It's 35C these days here so I always wonder how people in Australia can survive this temperature. I'm literally melting in my house 🫠

hello again!! and thank you (i will add it to my to listen playlist ;) now) oh yes i totally agree vegas is very much a prisoner of his own heritage and traumas and also the circumstances hes also created for himself. he is definitely self sabotaging but the worst part is that he fully believes that he has no control over it- that him screwing things up is just inevitable. he is definitely doing his best to heal the harm that he inflicted on pete and himself tbh but yeah healing is not a straight line and he is absolutely going to screw up before he gets there!

vegas has cried in the fic (during the high tensions and angst and grief of the pool scene) but pete is a bit of a tougher nut to crack- i think he might have teared up a little when he first went home to his grandmother shellshocked from the hell he just crawled out of (but my memory is terrible i could be wrong lmao) theres no current scenes i have planned with pete crying currently- but who knows theres so many extra moments that havent come into my brain yet we might all be surprised!

oh yeaaaaah this is the moment where vegas let him go right??? and they were both really emotional! didnt really play out the same way because pete escaped in my fic but honestly who knows- their emotional confrontations are always pretty feeling heavy so we could possibly have a similar kind of emotional scene - pete might definitely be in the right headspace for it now that his house has been destroyed. i think once they're alone again (and safe) they're both going to process a lot of these things together.

im doing alright thanks hope you are too!!! oh dear thats terrible sorry to hear that youre melting in your house! its always so much harder to cool down than it is to warm up i hope the heat drops quickly for you! (yeah tbh the things you can get used to are wild- 38-40 degrees and higher are considered more intense 'hot days' here in australia- but also we're a bit better prepared for that- most houses have been built for those kind of temps an AC is a godsend- honestly we're smack bang in the middle of winter at the moment and a couple weeks ago it was 3 degrees at 7AM and i honestly couldnt get out of bed it was so cold hahahahahaha) good for snuggling up and writing though!!!

[leth-writes]

yandere Steve Rogers x reader (part 2)

A/N: I already posted this on my AO3 a while ago, but I thought I'd post it on tumblr as well.

Summary: A world where yanderes, known as 'protectors', are in charge, and as a result, are able to basically kidnap whoever they want. Steve and Bucky are your best friends, and you assumed they'd offer you some sort of protection from being kidnapped; you were wrong.

You were a glorified incentive for good behavior. They let Steve keep you, all to convince him to perform his fucking duties, to do his stupid little dance and song and propaganda show. That’s all it took for the government to give you up to the lab rat they made out of Steve Rogers.

You woke up to Steve’s face looming over yours, tied down to a soft, plush bed in a tent. He sat you up, hands and legs still connected via plush rope to a silver loop on the bedpost, and just… looked at you for a couple of seconds. He was massive, significantly taller than you remembered him being. He was 6’5”, hulking with muscle, arms bulging as they were crossed under his white t-shirt. he was wearing black cargo pants and combat boots, slightly hunched over in the dim light of the makeshift lodging, face barely illuminated in the swinging, warm light. His face was slack, jaw chiseled, swirling blue eyes locked onto yours.

He opened his mouth to speak, eyes still locked on yours, though you could see the obsession reflected in them. “I did this to protect you,” He shifted, frowning. Of course he would think that. All he cared about was what he felt, rather than what was best for you. Why did he not tell you? He knew how you felt about protectors!

“What the fuck happened to you?” you asked, mouth dry. All you could see was the boy he’d been, destroyed. You couldn’t believe this… monster was your former best friend!

“They gave me a super soldier serum. I knew I wouldn’t be able to protect you as I was, no matter how hard I trained. So, when they approached me and asked me to join the program, I said yes,” He said, voice low and strained toward the end. It seemed he really was hurt by the idea of not being able to protect you. You knew that protectors who couldn’t look after their darlings were often pitied, viewed as needing guidance or help… had you misinterpreted Steve and Bucky’s friendship? Had it all been a setup? The thought filled you with a feeling of humiliation so strong it felt like a hole was being burned through your chest, like someone had pressed hot coals onto your soul. All you could do was look at him, you’re sure with the most pitiable expression. He stared back, shifting slightly, as though your pain genuinely caused him discomfort. All you could think about was the fact that he had decided to put his emotional wellbeing over yours, to sacrifice you for his own comfort.

“What… What about Bucky?” you asked, voice dull and lacking soul. It felt like you’d been hollowed out by the massive betrayal you’d been dealt. Your life was over before you’d ever had the opportunity to really live it.

“he’s on the front lines. We’ve written a couple of letters back and forth, but enough of that. We need to establish some groundrules.” Steve moved forward, towering over where you sat on the bed. His face came into the light, better exposing the crazed glint in his eyes, despite his serious expression. You couldn’t help but sink back in fear, intimidated by his demeanor. Was he about to hurt you? Had being at war really changed him so much, so quickly?

“Can’t we just stay the same? I mean, Steve, you know me! You know that I’ve never wanted a relationship with a protector, to be locked away and melded into what someone else thinks is the idealized me… Please, Steve, I care about you, please don’t do this!” You begged, desparation shining through on your face. You could feel the fluttering feeling of panic coming over you, washing away any previous thoughts in its force. Steve’s face seemed to morph, looking more and more intimidating, the swinging light painting him in shades of grey and black that only highlighted his new, chiseled features.

He sighed, looking off into the distance warily. “I can’t… you don’t know how much it hurt me all those years, to watch you struggle in pain, without someone to protect you… You have such a backwards view of the world!” You huffed, interrupting his inpromptu speech.

He mock-glared at you, struggling to suppress a smile. It was like he was in a completely different world than you, unaware of how you felt or how you perceived the situation. He was divorced from your reality. It was like he thought he could act like your friend after everything he did, after the pain he’d caused you, after disappearing without a word. After kidnapping you.

“Don’t interrupt me, doll!” He totally stole that from Bucky, “As I was saying, we just need to set some ground rules. I promise I’m not gonna hurt you, but to keep you safe I need to know you’ll listen to me as your protector.” It didn’t matter what you said, he essentially had legal custody of you, able to make decisions for you without your opinion mattering. The hopelessness continued to blossom, turning from despair to numbness. You turned away, staring flatly at the wall of the tent, watching the shifting of the light’s beams.

“First of all, don’t go anywhere without me. This doesn’t really apply right now, considering the obvious,” he gestured to the rope, “but once you can go out, I don’t want you wondering off, alright?” Like you had a choice. You were sure he was going to tie you to him like a fucking dog, it would be the icing on top of a terrible situation. You hmm’d your consent, aware of what he was waiting for.

“Second, ask me before you make any major decisions. I need to know what you’re doing, even if it’s walking cross the camp, okay? I don’t want you getting hurt.” You nodded.

“Finally, I need you to tell me how you feel. I don’t want you to be scared, I know how you feel about protectors… But I’m here to keep you safe, to keep you healthy, I don’t want to make you miserable. All I want is to be there for you, even if our relationship has changed-”

A sudden burst of anger had you interrupting. “No, Steve! No, you aren’t here to keep me healthy, you’re here to control me! It doesn’t matter what I say, you kidnapped me! You clearly can’t care about me, if you’re willing to do this to me, knowing how I feel!” The tears that had been welling, that you’d kept back with that shallow barrier of numbness, burst out, and you were sobbing, practically wailing.

“I just want to go home, Steve!” you cried, hands raising to wipe at your cheeks in a futile attempt to rein yourself back in.

He clucked his tongue, sitting down on the bed next to you. Even seated, he still towered over you. He reached his hands up to cup your cheecks, huge hands covering large parts of your head, and gently used his thumbs to wip away some of your tears. You could barely see him through the tears still streaming out, though the gentle motions reminded you of the old Steve, the one you’d trusted with your life.

“Steve,” your voice broke, cracking from despair.

“Oh, sweetheart, I promise I just want the best for you… It’s my job as your protector. We’ll work together to get you comfortable, okay? I’m going to keep you safe, and I’m going to keep you happy, and you won’t have to worry about anything, alright? We’ll work on that backwards view on protectors, I’ll help you see the truth.” His eyes gleamed in the light, crazed glint even clearer this close, even through the tears.

There was no getting through to him, was there?

[bloomskullberry]

Ok you know what i just gotta write out my feelings on the new Miraculous movie. I have both good and bad things to say. I will be rewatching it cause i was pretty biased (we'll get to that) and maybe reposting this with my new thoughts afterwards cause this is a lot.

THUS: READ MORE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION and understand that most of this is based on personal perception, preferences, and an element of nostalgia/frustration (ive been watching this show since season one, would not have made it this far if I didnt have FEELINGS about Miraculous). but take everything with a sprinkle of salt.

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS ABOUT THE NEW MIRACULOUS MOVIE UNDER THE CUT

1. Pacing felt like the biggest issue. A lot of stuff was happening, and a lot of big moments were happening, but there was nothing inbetween that made them feel like they flowed into eachother, and a lot of the character/relationship "development" relied on the viewers previous knowledge of the show, even tho its pretty clear the movie was doing stuff very differently in terms of characters and relationships. Do i understand this is a 1hr 40min movie trying to encapsulate the slowburn romance and 5 seasons worth of content in a way that caters to the fans of said 5 seasons? Yes, its a huge ask for what is essentially 5 episodes (average 20 mins long). Especially with the amount of exposition the concept of Miraculous requires. Is it still disappointing, considering the movie left out information because of its audience and still rushed through important stuff to just get to the "juicy" moments? Yeah

2. Visuals were lovely, as was the music and specific moments. Honestly if the pacing wasnt such an issue and everything was developed more, the Ladybug and Ladynoir songs (maybe even the Hawkmoth one too) would be really enjoyable as a way to progress stuff and show development. Im also a sucker for dramatic visuals during musical numbers to help emphasize the feelings/emotions of the characters, and it really showcases the potential benefits the animation could add to the show as a medium

3. I actually really liked movie!Marinette (partly cause she wasnt a stalker and creep about her crush on Adrien) qnd because she had a much more sarcastic and bantering attitude, even outside of the costume, which made Ladybug an alter ego more than a complete other person (which is a slight issue ive had with the show). The scene of her growing into her civilian persona and becomign more confident actually made me really happy, especially her standing up to Chloe

4. Movie!Chat Noir kinda pissed me off ngl, and felt very disconnected from movie!Adrien (or at least how he was shown). People have said movie!Adrien is much more depressed/isolated and acts appropriately as to his home life (and dont get me wrong, i loved his scene where he stood up to Gabriel), but i think thats why his relationship with Ladybug and complete 180 as Chat Noir feels so off to me? Like his almost "meanness" with Ladybug at first from being super cocky and then doesnt even apologize for his treatment of her even after he falls for her just throws me off (tbf ive always been biased against the "cocky assholes falling for people who put them in their place" trope, so this might just be a me thing). Idk, it just doesnt sit right with me

4b. Anyone else notice Adrien didnt even get chosen for being kind? Plagg just appeared in his bedroom? Like Marinette almost got ran over from saving Master Fu and then Adrien is just like Yo A Cool Ring. Idk, its funny but that felt weird to me

5. The stupid freaking montage. Yall cannot even imagine how much I hate the montage. If they had replaced the montage with one scene and maybe cut down the magician and mime fight to add another scene in to focus on marinette + adrien friendship and then adrien personal life development or chat noir + ladybug bonding/respect for EACH OTHER i think it would have elevated the movie to new heights. The montage essentially was the movie pressing fast forward x3 on any development of characters. Its because of montages like these that make me appreciate filler or fun episodes in any show, because when you just stick a montage in then you feel like youre watching coworkers kiss when the movie is trying to convince you theyre starcrossed ride or die lovers. Made me feel like i watched the origins episode and then the season 5 finale with just the stormy weather 2 episode inbetween. Hate it.

6. Movie!Tikki has personality and movie!Plagg is a fart machine. I think its clear theres a favorite. Feels like it reflects the focus on Marinette and lack thereof on Adrien as a character present in both the show and the movie. Hardly a new observation, just food for thought.

7. ¿¿¿¿¿¿movie!Hawkmoth/Gabriel???? That basically sums up how I feel about him but to explain theres just very little done with him i feel. Plus it seems like all his Hawkmothing around actually takes a toll on his wellbeing, which is really cool and interesting, but it just comes out of nowhere afTER THE STUPID MONTAGE. Like id love to see the kind of degradation of his health, mental physical and emotional, as he works to revive Emilie, cause you cant tell me thay wouldnt make stuff a lot more interesting (i know he got catacylsmed but the show just treated it as an outfit change and checking his arm like a clock until the season finale, so it doesnt really count for me), but mans just shows up looking like a wreck and fights with Adrien

7b. Also i was pretty confused about how him breaking/rejecting his akuma at the end of the movie worked, and him just having all the powers ever while akumatized?? But that's just me being picky at a superhero show where magic animal jewelry exists

8. Movie!Chloe and movie!Sabrina felt more real in a way? Like Chloe was just stuck up and self centered, not actively making everyones life hell, and Sabrina didnt just blindly follow her along (i ADORED when she let Marinette escape and when she shrugged at her during the ball, you go girl you have that personality and self-consciousness the show never allowed you to have until the last moment), it was more a reluctant follower ignoring a friend's red flags ya know? Movie!Chloe wasnt the mayors daughter who had control over every adult in Paris and would literally become a dictator if elected. She was just freaking out at Marinette for "ruining" her sweater. Shes still a bully/mean kid, but shes dialed back, which i think makes her much better.

9. Alya and Nino were just kind of chilling, i dont have any feelings about their characters except how terrible Nino is at advice, and Alya was set up as a good friend throughout the movie, so i appreciate her supportiveness of Marinette. Tom and Sabine were set up to do more/be more important in the movie (I was so sure Tom was gonna be akumatized at the fair, but nope), but were kind of dropped halfway? Like Tom was set up as the overprotective and loving kinda helicopter father who would go all the way to the fair in disguise to watch over Marinette, and then he was just never mentioned again after Marinette felt embarrassed by him at said fair. Wasted opportunity and time for a movie with so much issue in pacing

10. I saw buggachat say this movie felt like an animated fanfiction of MLB and I have to say i completely agree. I dont mean that in a bad way, i love fanfiction with all my heart and you can clearly see that the movie and a lot of fanfiction fixes the issues many fans have with the show. But the thing is, this is a full movie, not a collection of one-shot specific scene rewrites. Thus, for it to be successful in "rewriting" or creating an alternate version of MLB, it has to include those in-between moments, not just the juicy identity reveal, or the "my heart belongs to another " moment, or even the "Gabriel actually cares about his son" moment. Is the movie good at those moments? Goodness yes. It definitely has its humor, its enjoyment that you can tell is a gift to the fans. But as a movie, a whole animated film, it disappoints.

10b. I mean for goodness sake they didnt even mention that Catacylsm was a thing until it was used, and Lucky Charm wasnt utilzed at all, just the fixing power (that might just be a genuine change they made so Ladybug wasnt too unbalanced with Chat Noir tho)

OK IM DONE, phew. Those are my major thoughts from the day after watching the movie, and im going to watch it again more carefully later. Ill not to be so personally biased and to just enjoy it. Who knows, maybe ill think differently afterwards.

Definitely gonna listen to the songs again, and definitely gonna burst out laughing at Careless Whisper tho

[itsuki-minamy]

"CRUSH ON BABY" (PART 3)

NOVEL: REI RAIRAKU (GORA) / ILLUSTRATION: HIROKO UTSUMI

TRANSLATION: NARU-KUN

* List of Chapters

All the songs Yozora made were lively and dynamic. He had the power to make you want to dance with him. At that time, Hibiki didn't have the technique to make the sound dance, but once he learned that technique, he wanted to make Yozora's sound dance with his own hands.

"It's definitely a lot of fun."

"Haa.", Yozora let out a stupid voice. It was a voice somewhere between a sigh and an exclamation.

"Well, yes. It's fine. Good luck."

He knew he wasn't serious, but that was enough for Hibiki.

"Because you promised me!"

Pointing at Yozora, Hibiki left the room, flushed with excitement. He felt an irresistible desire to quickly touch something that might make a sound.

"Hibiki-kun!"

When he stopped and turned around, Minase, who seemed to be chasing him, was looking at Hibiki.

"Strive you."

Unlike Yozora's voice telling him to let it go, Minase said it in a clear voice.

Hibiki was happy and nodded with a smile on his face.

After that, Hibiki asked his parents to let him go to piano lessons. He learned the basics, but classical music didn't come to his senses, so he started playing the guitar in high school.

He discovered that composing on the keyboard, playing the guitar and singing suited his style.

In high school, he joined the light music club, and Hibiki's band became so popular that they even had enthusiastic fans from other schools.

When he performed in live shows, his popularity increased even more, and Hibiki himself began to feel that he was moving people's emotions with his music.

From time to time, he would search for "Yozora's piano". Thanks to the rare name, Yozora was successful and he was able to learn the information on how to win the competition.

After graduating from high school, he took up band activities while working part-time. Although the band members changed several times, Hibiki continued to play his own music.

But at that moment, no matter how much he searched for it, he couldn't follow Yozora's news.

++++++++++

Currently, live performances of "Lonely Sleep" are held two to three times a month. Hibiki has a strong desire to sing in front of people and is not stingy.

The band's current sales alone are enough to earn a living at the moment, and they are at a crossroads as to which direction to turn the band's helm from now on.

Hibiki muttered to himself as he walked down the commercial street from the south exit with his guitar slung over his shoulder.

"Ah... I want to sing Yozora's song!"

No matter which way he walks, he wants to sing Yozora's song once. Still, he wasn't going to rush it. He jokingly said it many times, but he doesn't want to force him.

After ten years, he was able to find Yozora, whom he had no idea where or what he was doing, through Minase. Yozora, convinced that he would be a celebrity in ten years, gave up music and became a waiter, though he doesn't remember the promise he made to Hibiki. Even so, now, the paths of the three people who were there at the time crossed again, that little miracle warmed in his palm.

He saw a familiar figure standing in front of the live house. Regulars who often send long letters. A fan named Miike, whose face and name he has completely memorized.

Today there is also a concert of "Lonely Sleep" in that place. The venue will open after rehearsals, so it's too early for the audience to arrive, but he wondered if he was waiting to get in.

Hibiki didn't care and he kept walking.

"Good job."

He knew him well, so he raised his hand slightly and greeted him. Miike waved his hands, as if he suddenly had too much to do.

"Ah, eh, eh."

He was called and stopped his feet. When he turned his face, "What?", the behavior of both hands turned violent.

"It's about the song I sent you in the letter the other day..."

"Oh, thanks. But I can't sing it. Sing your own songs properly by yourself."

As Hibiki said that, Miike clutched the area around his stomach with his restless hands.

"...I heard that Hibiki wanted someone to write a song."

"It doesn't mean that anyone can do it. I want someone in particular to compose it. For a long time, I've been dreaming of playing a song that that person does."

Hearing Hibiki's words, a dark shadow passed over Miike's face. Hibiki saw that shadow as an emotion that could be classified as jealousy. For Hibiki, it was a familiar feeling. He has seen many times how he comes to mind when it comes to love and talent.

"I get it. Yes, I get it. Hibiki, if you want that sound, it can't be helped. I'll admit it."

There was a feeling that the conversation didn't fit well, but Hibiki tried to end the conversation. But before Hibiki could open his mouth, Miike called out "Hibiki." in a melancholy voice.

"..."God bless you, who was supposed to be someone, now you're nothing.". I felt that the lyrics that Hibiki's voice sang along with that melody could save my heart."

The lyrics Miike uttered are from a popular song called "Bless".

"I received a blessing from Hibiki. This time, I will give my blessing to Hibiki."

After saying that, he turned on his heel and left. Hibiki stared at his back.

"What do you mean?"

He thought he was a strange fan, but he had no idea what he was thinking, what he was convinced of and what he had decided.

Hibiki bowed his head and went down the stairs from the living room that led to the basement.

The band members were already at the venue and preparing their instruments. The atmosphere that was unique in live before the staff was busy working, and the tension that was unsatisfactory changed smoothly.

Hibiki likes to sing. He likes the feeling that the atmosphere in the place is created by the music and the customers resonating with the music.

Hibiki raised the corner of his mouth and jumped onto the stage.

He continued with the rehearsal while he uttered sounds according to the PA's instructions.

Just as he was singing the song "Bless" that Miike was talking about, he saw Minase in the audience.

Today he asked Minase to do his hair and makeup again, but it was too soon.

"What's up? It's really early, right?"

When he called him after a series of trials, Minase had a difficult expression on his face that was different from his usual easy-going smile.

"No, there's something I want to talk to you about, Hibiki."

"What?"

"Before this, remember we talked about the passionate fanatic the other day? He gave me a very long letter."

"Ah, Mike-kun."

Yasushi, who was next to him, interrupted as he took over the base again.

"Hey, that person was waiting for you to come today, right? Hibiki, were you able to talk?"

"Mmm. Yes, it was something like that. And...? What happened to that person?"

Minase looked towards the stage.

"At the last concert, I saw someone who looked just like him. Standing in front of the stage, he looked around the audience as if searching for something... At that moment, I had a vague sense of familiarity..."

"Eh? Did you recognize anyone?"

"I felt like I knew, but I couldn't remember and I was stuck. But just now, on a whim, I stopped by my parents' house and pulled out an old piano competition program. His name was Shuichi Miike. That's the name of the person who sent the fan letter, right?"

Hibiki widened his eyes.

"That is..."

"He's the same age as Yozora-kun and he used to play the piano. He's not an acquaintance of mine, and I've never talked to him, but I've seen him compete with Yozora-kun in competitions a few times. It was always Yozora-kun who won."

Hibiki remembered the dark shadow that fell on Miike's face when they spoke earlier. Emotions classified as jealousy.

He felt an unpleasant sensation creep up from his feet.

Hibiki took his cell phone out of his pocket. He called out to Yozora, but he didn't answer him.

"Eh?"

"When he approached me earlier, he said that he would give me a blessing. I thought I didn't fully understand so I ignored him, but... if he knows that Yozora is the person that I want him to do a song..."

The loud and unpleasant feeling crept to the top. Minase said:

"I'll go check on Yozora-kun."

"I'm going too!"

"But, Hibiki, you have a show now."

Hibiki turned around and looked at Yasushi.

"Sorry, Ya-san! I'm just going out for a bit!"

"Oh, hey..."

"I'll be right back!"

When he looked into Hibiki's eyes, his eyes burned, and the two of them kicked the ground at the same time and began to run.

Yozora stared at a photograph of a familiar person in a music magazine.

Preparations for the opening have already been completed. Today's garnish is prawn and mushroom garlic, and he also finished making the usual curry. The cleanup was completely finished, and he was killing time until he opened the store.

He bought the music magazine because it featured the group as a notable indie band. Hibiki in the photo sat there with serious eyes that contained sadness. He usually sees him with a nasty, frivolous smile, but he knows that he's not the only face he has.

When he listened to Hibiki's live performance, he could feel the seriousness with which he approached the music and how much he enjoyed it.

After perusing the article introducing Hibiki's music, he closed the magazine. He accidentally bought it, but it's obvious that if Hibiki sees it, he'll be teased again. He hid it at the back of the shelf, at the bottom where the magazines featuring Minase as a model were kept.

He heard that Hibiki would also be performing live today. Since live performances are usually held on Saturdays or Sundays, Yozora can't go see him often because he can't close the shop frequently during rush hour, but the music Hibiki and the others played at the concert in alive that he experienced last time still lingered in Yozora.

Yozora slid his finger over the bar counter. Tap-tap-tap, he moved his five fingers and tapped on the counter. There were black and white keyboards lined up on his head, and he moved his fingers as if he were playing imaginary keyboards.

Hibiki's music was in a different direction than Yozora's previous music, but he came up with several phrases that matched Hibiki's voice and atmosphere.

― No, I won't. I have stopped playing music. Hibiki says that I made him a promise, but I don't remember.

As he excused himself, the door to the bar opened.

There was still some time left until opening time. The front tag should still say "CLOSED", but since he was already ready to receive the guests, he didn't mind letting them in.

With that in mind, he said, "Welcome.".

He was a young man of twenty-five, dressed in a crisp white shirt and pants. When he walked in with his head down, he pointed to the counter and said, "Come in.". But he stayed there and didn't move.

"Customer?"

"I thought you had suddenly disappeared from the world of music, but you ended up in a place like this."

The young man said quietly.

"Eh?"

Shaking his body in confusion, the young man slowly raised his head.

"Don't you remember me? I guess I wasn't in your eyes at all."

When he confronted the young man, the memory of him bubbled back.

What he remembered was the appearance of wearing a formal suit for the stage. During the days when he spent every day with the piano, he had met this young man several times in contests. Saying that he didn't meet his eyes was pretty sharp, but really, even if he recognized his face, he almost never should have exchanged words with him. He didn't remember being talked to like that, so he frowned.

"If I remember correctly, you have participated in the same piano contest several times in the past. Your name is..."

The name did not come out. Seeing Yozora's face as he tried to trace his memories of him, the young man shrugged his shoulders and laughed darkly.

"My name is Shuichi Miike. I remember your name and face so strongly, but you know me only like you've seen me before. As expected of a genius. I wasn't even a match for you."

"Miike-kun, please stop involving yourself in weird ways. There should only be subtle points of contact that you couldn't even call known. You suddenly ran in, what the hell is going on?"

"You were always the one. Both for the competition judges and for Hibiki."

"Hibiki?"

Yozora frowned at the name that suddenly appeared.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hey, why are you working as a waiter?"

Miike's story had no context and didn't turn into a conversation. Yozora sighed and shook his chin.

"It has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry, but if you're not a guest, could you go home?"

"I heard that you suddenly dropped out of the university and disappeared. The up-and-coming pianist Yozora Kamijo, who was a student while he was performing, dropped everything and disappeared."

Miike entered the bar. Yozora involuntarily took a step back.

[countessimp]

Emotional Word Vomit in a space with so little people I know personally that it feels safe to get it out somewhere...

Losing a friend is hard, I should know I lost all of my highschool friends in one fell swoop. Granted I was about 20 when it happened (im 26 now), I feel like that's a very important age and I feel like this event took over or disrupted what should have been a period of growth, of learning, of becoming an adult.

I know it sounds stupid to talk about lost teenage relationships, as if every adult in my life wasn't always telling me that my Highschool friends wouldn't last. However, like most people, I thought I would be different, I thought there's no way I'm going to spend most of my life without these people.

These were the people I thought I was going to grow old with. The people I thought I would become a woman with, we'd see eachother come into our own and find ourselves. I was excited and nervous for the future, I knew there would be speed bumps, I wasn't that naive as to think it would be all smooth sailing but I felt like we were all in it for the long haul.

Not only did I not get to come into my own with them, I feel like I haven't gotten the chance to do that at all. Grieving for people who are still alive is hard, it's time consuming and affects any future relationships. When you're in pain and the people you trusted enough to one day go to for support if the time came you needed it, become the very people causing the pain, that's hard. That's lonely. Despite all of this I would come at a moments notice should they ever need me. After all is said and done the thing that hurt the absolute most, was seeing that they weren't hurting at all.

And yes for anyone reading this, it does still hurt. Not as much (but sometimes more) and not all the time. It comes in waves. If I'm lonely, when I'm in a place where I feel out of place, when I see something that is so inherently them that I have to laugh about how much they'd love it, when I remember a joke or hear a song we shared on the inside. When I see how much of them is still in me, in mannerisms, or shared interests.

There is some pain that also comes with joy, it's confusing to feel that kind of pain but it's there. When I'm proud of them. When I'm happy for them. When I see how far they've come and that they've done it all together. When I get to watch them become the beautiful women I always knew they would be, even if it can only ever be from behind a screen.

Even though I will always be grieving them in some way, I wouldn't change it for the world. They were such an important chapter in the book that is my life and I will always come back and read that chapter. Sometimes it will hurt but sometimes it will bring back all the joy and the love and laughter that they brought into my life. And for those moments I am forever grateful.

For anyone else who is going through something similar the only advice I could give is to never stop being you. It may feel impossible to meet new people after (I should know) but the time will come where you'll meet someone who shares your energy, someone who is a safe space, it may not be in the way you expect and it may not be someone you can see regularly or even talk to regularly but I assure you, someone will come. They always do.