#trauma processing funsies

[struggling-to-find-home]

So deep into my recovery that shit I thought never bothered me suddenly starts to bother me because most of the serious shit is off the therapy work roster and there's time for smaller issues now

[endersdead]

the bodys keepin that damned score again 😤👎👎👎

[redsray]

i have recently been brainrotting about a batkids racing au. all of them have either shitty home-lives or have had their home-lives taken away and all turn to the concepts of semi-legal street racing as an outlet. in the process, they meet people perhaps in the same boat-- perhaps a family.

Dick

around 21, has been racing since he was 15

likes riding smaller cars. the tighter fit the better. if it's not sleek and swervy he doesn't want it.

had caring parents who he travelled the world with by car, but they died in a car crash when he was 11. due to lack of living relatives, he was in the foster system for 4 years before Barry (Allen) took him in. he never saw Barry as a father, however, and was never officially adopted. basically Wally's roommate and Bart's older brother figure in a way.

Wally introduced him to the street racing world, and despite being very very reluctant at first (car crash trauma), Wally showed him all the good parts of it and he's loved it ever since

experienced racer, everyone there loves him and he's well known as one of the top racers

Jason

20, been racing since 17

he generally prefers driving motorcycles but make no mistake he will shred you no matter what racing vehicle you give him (he's competitive.) in terms of street/car racing he will go for anything with powerful acceleration.

his dad was a mechanic and Jason would sometimes help him out with car repairs when he was younger, although his dad would sometimes drop a bit too much workload on him and not really care for his well-being

mom was a recovering drug addict, cared for Jay but couldn't be around much due to both rehab and hospital visits

his dad was later arrested for underground drug dealing, dying in prison and his mom died of overdose. at 13, he was in the foster system for more or less a year before he ran, living on the streets for 3 more years, doing odd jobs.

at 16, he met Roy, who later (at 17) introduced him to street racing. Jason always had a knack for cars and with his natural talent he won quite a few of his first races, earning money from the betting pools and has been basically splitting rent and crashing with Roy ever since.

absolute MENACE of a racer. showed up at some point and basically showed most people up. can and will judge your car model. might steal your tires for the funsies.

Tim

18, new to the racing scene (been racing since 17) but knows A LOT about it through his own love for motorsports (he definitely has car posters in his room)

will drive any car. literally. he will just love it if you give him a car. in fact, give him a broken one so that he can make it BETTER than everyone else's.

lovely and wealthy parents, but they aren't around much. they honestly try their best, but when you're an only child in a big house it can get boring and lonely. he loves his parents and his mom was the one who first showed him motorsports when she was working on a business deal with a motorsport company (Tim got his first free car poster that day)

definitely takes pictures of cool cars he sees

as soon as he found out about the street racing ring in Gotham he immediately snuck in (age 15)

he would come practically every night he could and made friends with the younger racers (bart, cassie, kon) (they 100% would go to him for geeky car tech tips)

one time bart was sick for a race and cassie and kon asked tim to step in for him on the team, tim did-- he performed so naturally well that he caught the attention of other racers, decided to stay with the YJ team permanently

commonly referred to as a rising star, a prodigy in the racing scene

Damian

15, literally raised into motorsports. god knows when he drove his first car. he started officially racing in the street ring only recently, but already has a reputation as one of the best

preference for aerodynamic cars. the sleeker the better for him.

commonly underestimated by new racers

bruce is still his bio dad, he literally funds most the betting pools and co-runs the street racing ring under the guise of a totally normal auto repair store

hella competitive, will do everything to outshine you especially if you look down on him

LOVES painting on his car. like everyone customises theirs to a certain point but Damian will sit there for hours just painting on it.

does NOT care for the betting pools, if he wins he will just put all the money right back in. he just wants to win and beat you LMAO

[cerealboxlore]

deaged billy who is actually his usual age just in his mortal form is talked about a lot, but what about actually deaged billy

i’m thinking he first gets deaged to when his parents were still alive and he was happy and healthy, an image of caps childhood that the league would expect

then for him to jump up in age to when his parents had just died and he still lived with ebenezer, mourning and in pain. while this age he might be worried about mary if he thinks she’s been left with ebenezer, and freaking out a lot

then to early in his homeless life (like first month early), maybe still has a bit of trust for authorities/adults

then later in his homeless life (pre-captain marvel), zero trust, absolutely feral, if he thinks you hurt your kids he will find a way to end your existence

idk what else to add on but i think that’d be fun, cereal

OHHHH??? 👀 I am absolutely down with this idea of yours and the story branches it could lead into let's goooooo!!!

First, let's settle on a main base of the de-aging cause/plot. Now, this is just an idea of mine, but what if during an intense battle with Dr. Sivana and the Monster Society of Evil against Cap and the Justice League, Dr. Sivana lets loose an experimental fragment explosion of suspendium, one that's never been tested before, so why not unleash it on some heroes?

EXCEPT. This batch of suspendium doesn't stop time on a person/freeze them, no, in fact, it can alter the aging process in a person at an alarming and chaotic rate, with no way of controlling it. I imagine Cap wasn't the only one hit, but he definitely took the biggest hit of it.

Suspendium is one of the few things that can actually stop him, so I suspect that a messed up version of it would have some...interesting effects. Striking him out of his champion form, for example, and changing him back to good ol Billy Batson. Good ol little baby Billy Batson.

Who isn't Captain Marvel yet. Who doesn't have any trauma yet. Who has no idea what's going on when he's suddenly surrounded by a concerned JL team (along with a de-aged Green Arrow and Flash, just for funsies :D )

Oh dear.

The plot from there goes as you described, and it is filled with such magnificent angst and loads of hurt comfort situations for all those affected by the messed up suspendium batch. Just. 👌 my compliments to the chef for cooking this one up (you).

The JL seeing the Captain as young Billy, with him flash forwarding through his youth, finally getting some insight on him as a person and his past. I'm kicking my feet in the air this is so cool! They start out seeing what they expected from the Captain, a happy and boy scout attitude little boy, then immediately getting a 180 when he ages up again in a snap and is the complete opposite of the sunshine child they saw just a few minutes ago.

They're left with even more questions about what the Captain's childhood might have been like for him to have been this way, and much more stumped when they don't know how such a sad and negative kid turned into the happy go lucky captain marvel they know.

Maybe someone (Guy Gardner) walks in expecting the Captain to be the same as a kid as he is an adult and ruffles his hair, being rude, and then gets the surprise of his life when little Billy kicks him in the groin. Hard.

[capseycartwright]

sometimes i’m like hm weird that i have not processed all my catholic Trauma given i haven’t been a practising catholic in over a decade and then. then i remember my mum makes me go to mass with her every time i am home and i get to process it all over again while sitting in a church all for funsies ! !

anyway. expect another catholic eddie fic in 2-3 working weeks

[offorestsongs]

my OCs + their names

i always have fun naming my OCs, especially since it's always either something symbolic and meaningful or something totally random and kind of stupid. it's especially fun with TWST OCs since i try to follow the in-game naming conventions and those are just about the perfect mix of meaningful and kind of stupid, and since i'm sick and bored, here's some rambles about my OCs names

LYSANDER

theres actually no particular reason why i came up with this name lmao

it just kind of. popped up in my mind as i was trying to come up with a design for him (fun fact, i really just sat down one day and was all like "i'm just going to design my Yuu for funsies, i'm not going to do anything with it" and welp. look where i am now). my OCs just kinda name themselves sometimes. y'know how it is

but i had the name for him before i actually had his personality down and actually when coming up with his personality, i took a lot of inspiration from just the vibes his name gave me

also. this bitch

this bitch is the reason why i now dress like a victorian gentleman and i definitely had him on the back of my mind when making my own Lysander so you can see where some of his vibe came from

also in-universe Lysander named himself by just googling stuff like "fancy male names" and going on websites for baby names (the classic trans experience) lmao

since he doesn't remember his last name, i'm not really using it, but he does have one

his last name is actually Sinclair

i'm only saying that because it also has a kind of random backstory; there's a fanfic for a different fandom that rewired my brain chemistry when i was in high school. in that fic, the author used the last name Sinclair as a fanon name for one of the characters and i've been obsessed with it ever since lol

ROSIENNE MINUIT

Rosienne also kinda named himself

like, his name just popped up in my head when i was thinking about him and i was like OH MY GOD THAT'S GENIUS

like, it's an obvious pun on rose and it sounds kinda french so like. it's perfect

truly the only moment i've ever used my one singular braincell

also it's supposed to be pronounced Row-zien

i knew from the beginning i wanted his last name to be french from the beginning (since, you know, Beauty and the Beast is a french tale) so i just kinda flipped thru a dictionary lmao

his last name means "midnight" - i know in the Disney version Belle has to confess her love to the Beast before the last petal of the rose falls but i've seen some retellings of Beauty and the Beast where Belle has to do it before midnight of an x day or something idk

KALLE BRUNNE

heavens Kalle's name gave me SO MUCH trouble i was close to just giving up lmao

Kalle is a very obvious pun on "cauldron" because like, what else

i played around with a few different spellings of it before i settled on this one; i wanted to pick Kelle at first but that just kinda sounds bad

my first idea for their last name was Shard, as in, glass shard (since his signature spell is called Seaglass) but i discarded it because i wanted to play into the color theme the Octavinelle has going on with their names

"brunne" comes from "brun", which is brown in danish

danish because the author of the original Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen was Danish and i love him (i grew up with this big ass book of his tales, it definitely gave me some trauma as a child) so i thought it would be a cute reference

ELIOTT EMBERS

his name definitely wins the "kind of stupid" category (and i say this with affection don't worry)

my thought process was literally just Cinderella -> Ella -> Eliott?

same with his last name; cinder, that's just ash, what are some other ash-related words?

and put together it has alliteration and that's always good in names

that's literally it i don't have anything else to add here lmao

SWALLOW REYNARD

as i've said in his intro post, his last name is a reference to Reynard the Fox, a character from medieval literature that was a partial inspiration for the Robin Hood movie

as you can see i like little literary references lmao

it was supposed to be spelled differently at first but my brain didn't want to vibe with that so i just stuck to Reynard

his name tho definitely crosses into the "kinda stupid territory"

Robin is a common bird so i wanted to name him after a different bird

i was actually debating between Swallow and Swift but i've decided Swift may be a bit too on the nose and also i just don't think it works that well as a first name

[bougiebutchbitch]

nobody:

absolutely nobody:

me: so the kragdu break up in vol 2 literally happened because kraglin's the stepdad who always felt like he had to compete with the kid and he was just sick of it and he has a really interesting fraught but loving relationship with peter that's sort of fatherly and sort of weird-uncle-y, where they both really care about each other but struggle to define it. whereas yondu laid eyes on that kid and was like. full momma-duck mode. I am a parent now. I am going to do an absolutely AWFUL job of this because I have processed precisely 0 of my trauma and I think hitting a kid to teach him how to fight and keeping him in fear by threatening to eat him at every opportunity is what Good Pirate Parenting looks like because hey, it's better than selling your baby into slavery, right!!!! :DDDD and the two of them are trying to keep this fragile sack of human (or... potentially...... HALF GOD) flesh alive and THE FUCK AWAY from his Evil Child-Murdering Sperm Donor while pretending they just fucking kidnapped him on. a literal whim. for the funsies (and to stop him chasing down the truth, but where Yondu 'babytalks as a really weird power move' Udonta's involved, let's be honest.... it's mostly for the funsies). All while babysitting their ultraviolent gang of leather-clad space-biker-pirates who will MUTINY AND SLAUGHTER ALL OF THEM if they show Peter any overt affection or favouritism. meanwhile Peter LITERALLY JUST LOST HIS MOM and was KIDNAPPED UNDER EXTREMELY TRAUMATIC CIRCUMSTANCES FROM HIS HOME PLANET AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY. Sure, he's an excited and adventurous kid by nature who loooooves space and exploring new worlds (what kid DOESN'T want to be a space pirate???) but the realities of Ravagering are rough and bloody even if they're sometimes fun. He's desperately trying to keep hold of the little boy his mom loved, the boy who got beat up by the bullies at the river trying to protect a helpless little frog. Trying to preserve something of her - of himself - through a lifeline of seventies/eighties bops. And against all the odds, IT WORKS! Peter finally flies the nest, goes his own way and gets his own crew, and hasn't absorbed that cycle of abuse!! he is a GOOD DAD to groot!!!! he is.... recovering from alcoholism and a WHOLE lot of grief, but in the end, he comes home to Earth, changed in so many ways, some for the worse but most for the better -

my beloved followers, living in 2024, with no idea what I'm talking about: okay

[missyastreiaaa]

That time I got transported inside my younger sisters FanFiction of Twisted wonderland?! AS A GHOST?!

There was a shattering cry of something. Definitely not human by how raspy it sounded. And absolutely not an animal with how human-like it was.

The noise earned a groan from the sleeping, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, gritting their teeth with a click. Squirming inside an old box.

Tight. Too noisy.

Then another scream. This time, it sounded like a woman and a man—more precisely, someone in their teens. Heavy thuds of footsteps accompanied by the sound of screaming and shuffling like a bunch of playing children.

That damned idiot—Hello? Respect? I'm literally sleeping here? Can you? Not? Do that?

With each emphasis, (Ako) can't help but open one eye, " Can't she just do whatever the fuck it's later? " (Ako) Mumbled, annoyed and half-awake.

Not even noticing the air around. Dropping more than just a few degrees, hair floating, body glowing in a haunting way. (Ako) Could barely process the surroundings. Floating away from the tight and hot place..

" Oi. Don't make too much goddamn noise, you brat. "

Six people were staring. Eyes wide with panic and horror, stuttering and letting out a shrill cry.

" GHOST!! "

" SO you're a magicless student in a magic school run by a neglectful crow principal who constantly speaks of how 'kind' and 'benevolent' he is despite leaving all the work of dealing with overly emotional teenage boys with hidden trauma to you who doesn't even get paid???? And you even have to babysit two dumb brats and one pussy cat??? "

" Hey! Who're you calling a dumb brat?! "

(Ako) glares at the three before turning back their face to the protagonist of the hit game Twisted Wonderland. A look of sympathy and exasperation plastered on them, " You need to get paid and leave. Seriously what was my sister thinking? " (ako) whispered to themselves the last part, patting the silky texture of Yuu's hair.

The MC laughs awkwardly, " It's not that bad, I get to freeload here without paying. "

(Ako) realized earlier that they were inside the fanfiction their younger sister wrote for 'funsies'. As a ghost that is, despite that, they could still communicate and touch others. Wonders of a Magic World ig.

Well. It is what it is.

_||• End•||_

Will never be continued..

[struggling-to-find-home]

Me: *gains new memory after weeks of nothing but condtant suicidalness*

Memory: *shows version of myself without self-esteem issues or executive dysfunction who wasn't afraid to suck ass and still do things*

Me: BITCH HOW THE F-

[sentientsky]

hi hello i forgot to make an intro (that's a lie. i made one, but then unpinned it and buried it somewhere in the Void and just. forgot about it). i'm Wren (is that my real name?? what are you, a cop?) and I write silly little fics for funsies + also to process my own trauma/existential despair. uh. what else? here's some random shit i thought might be relevant:

primary fandoms at the moment are doctor who, tma/tmagp, malevolent pod, bg3, and x-files (with some good omens and eeaao sprinkled in there).

all my angsty crowley ficlets/poems/word barfs are tagged with this stupid bird pun: #wren writes crow

i’m a writer/poet/artist by trade. if u like my stuff and want to commission me, just shoot me a DM :)

you're always welcome to say hi in DMs or in asks/comments/replies/etc! i kind of suck at replying to ppl in DMs, so if u don't hear back right away, i apologize! it’s not you—it’s my many mental illnesses

this is a sideblog. if i interact with you a lot, there’s a very good chance i’m following from main

and just in case it wasn’t apparent from the way i post,

Free Palestine 🇵🇸 (see resources here)

[izzyshand]

hey, uh weird question, but I saw u reblog that thing about Izzy with that whip once and you said in the tags that you had sad headcanons about it 👀please share. For the canyon

* referencing this post btw.

hey ! it's not a weird question, honestly i'm flattered that anyone wants to hear my silly little opinions. so thank you for asking ! disclaimer that these are just my own personal thoughts regarding izzy's whip that he carries on his hip during the kraken era. they're all informed by (& i think consistent with) canon, but i do pull a lot of backstory out of thin air just for funsies.

first, we should note that flogging-as-punishment was more common aboard navy vessels than pirate ships during the age of piracy, though certainly not unheard of for pirates as well. we should also bear in mind that ed doesn't have any flogging scars, whereas izzy seems to have many. it is my personal headcanon that izzy was in the navy previously, & thus he likely earned lashings while in the navy, whereas ed did not.

& we could simply end there. or if you're me, you could look at the apparent several different layers of scarring on izzy's back, implying multiple separate floggings, & decide to make it Much Worse for fun !

one of the few pirates who does seem likely within the canon to dole out floggings as punishment was the notoriously cruel hornigold, who we know ed sailed with after joining piracy. we know that calico jack sailed with them as well (we don't see his back so we don't know if he has flogging scars), & i personally think that izzy must have sailed with them as well after deserting the navy in order to make the timeline of his sailing with ed for >20 years make sense.

considering that this puts them all in an environment where flogging was likely on the table, this makes it all the more compelling that ed's back is lash-free. especially given that i really don't see ed as the kind of person to never rebel, never once get into trouble (even while under calico jack's influence), never do a thing that warranted punishment from hornigold. however, given his trauma & hallucination-hornigold's behavior in the gravy basket, i think it's very possible that ed simply suffered other, more "creative" punishments under hornigold. & to that end, given ed's clear discomfort with violence, inflicting violence, especially on someone he was close to, would be a punishment in itself for ed.

what's more is that if we allow that perhaps ed was a gifted sailor & pirate who eventually excelled enough be appointed hornigold's quartermaster/first mate, it would then become part of ed's duties to dole out the punishments — including floggings. & at this point i think that you can see where i'm going with this.

in my mind, one of the reasons for the discrepancy in their flogging scars could be because izzy "took" ed's flogging punishments under hornigold's orders. while ed was the one holding the whip, it was absolutely meant to be punishment for both of them, with the dual purpose of punishment & helping to make ed "toughen up."

but what hornigold likely didn't know is that izzy is a masochist who actually likes the pain. & izzy is also an "if i can't be useful who am i" ass bitch who sees taking a flogging from & for ed as an act of service, & the responsibility of being the one to take on pain for him as a kind of intimacy. he's a fucked up lil guy who processed it in a fucked up way, & he didn't hate it all nearly as much as ed did, even tho he was the one that ended up bleeding.

which means that once they broke off from hornigold & ed became captain & izzy became his quartermaster/first mate, the floggings would have likely stopped. because of course they did, because ed hated them. & actually, it would become izzy's job to dole out punishments to a disobedient crew member. but the thing is that if ed didn't order a flogging (which he wouldn't, because he hated them), then i just don't think izzy would willingly dole them out.

this could be a whole separate post (which i'm sure others have already made better than i could), but i don't think izzy enjoys handing out physical violence. we see him engage in physical violence only when he feels it necessary, & prefers, like ed, to hide behind the threat of violence wherever possible. in s1 we see him threatening violence, & delegating violence to fang & ivan, & even using the powers of the navy to apply violence (which he argues as being "a humane way of ending things" for stede). but aside from the duel with stede & one light smack to black pete's head which doesn't appear to hurt & is played for laughs, he does nothing to personally harm anyone in s1 — an important distinction i think for someone whose last name is literally hands. & i'm firmly in the camp of thought that izzy is not a sadist, does not particularly enjoy inflicting violence, & does not want to be the person holding the whip. he would do it, if ed ordered it of him. but ed doesn't, so he doesn't.

so then we get to the referenced post & what is, to me, the ultimate question here : why then is izzy wearing the flogger during the kraken era, given that it was nowhere to be seen in s1 & does not stay after the kraken is gone? why does it come back out during the kraken era if izzy doesn't use it?

well, this could be many things. some people have pitched that ed started using it on izzy himself, but i'm not personally feeling that. ed doesn't like to hurt izzy, he only does it when he feels trapped or pushed into it, & flogging izzy would have been a traumatic thing for him to endure while on hornigold's ship. instead, i think that making izzy carry the whip is a way of ed calling out izzy's "weakness." in 1.10, izzy essentially called ed weak ("namby pamby"). in izzy's mind this meant that ed is no longer capable of inspiring fear & obedience in the crew, & thus incapable of keeping them safe. but what ed heard was "you are being too openly emotional &, crucially, not violent enough."

but ed is one of the only people that knows that izzy has a similar aversion to violence as he does. so ed making izzy carry the whip (which, i'm compelled to repeat, it would be izzy's duty as first mate to hand out punishments, including floggings) is like a constant reminder to izzy that he could use it on the crew, it's even his duty to use it on the crew. yet he won't. it's ed saying if i'm weak, then so are you. it's ed saying you want to be this? then be it, & making him confront the fact that he won't. it's ed daring izzy to do what he did, what izzy is now telling him to do again, & izzy failing to rise to his challenge. it's ed making izzy carry around a reminder of the simple fact that if ed is weak, then izzy is weak too.

the spectre of blackbeard, which izzy says was the both of them, was essentially a blanket threat of violence they used to protect themselves. & if you accept my backstory & headcanons for them, then when framed against the floggings that ed was forced to deliver unto izzy in their youth, we can see blackbeard as a through-line not only for the floggings of the past but for violence & piracy itself — something that izzy doesn't particularly like any more than ed does, but clings to out of fear long after ed was ready to be rid of it all.

[ghostoffuturespast]

Writer Interview Tag 📝

Tagged by @luvwich. Thank you! These were fun to think about.

Q&A Below

When did you start writing?

For funsies, in 2022. I was working part-time then and had just binge read a bunch of fics. While I enjoyed what I read, none of them quite scratched the itch I had for more, so I was like guess I’ll have to write this story I want to read, yolo. As someone who hated writing growing up and all throughout school, I also figured it’d be good practice for me lol. Never fancied myself a writer until I started doing it. I sorely underestimated how much this hobby would consume my life.  

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I can get into just about anything, regardless of themes or genre, as long as it holds my attention and I think it’s interesting. I really enjoy reading non-fiction books though. Mainly science, history, ethnographies, or some mash up of all three. (That’s where the real money’s at.) They’re fascinating and can be very entertaining if you find the right one. Plus, it’s excellent inspiration fodder. Real life is often stranger than fiction, and real life is the primary source for all fiction.

I was in the book store recently and realized I had multiple Mary Roach books to catch up on. I very much wish I had more time and the peace of mind to read. Alas, modern society prioritizes The Grind™ and why is my house always dirty? Please feed me.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I honestly can’t say there’s a particular writer I’ve ever tried to emulate. Every writer’s got their own style and strengths, and the reason as to why I enjoy their writing is always different. They way I write is undoubtedly a mash-up of influences, but as for sorting them out myself… Eh. 

I’ve never been compared to anyone, which I’m fine with, much rather be known for just being me. But folks are free to share if they have an opinion on it though, I’m always curious to know what stands out to readers. Nobody tells me these kinds of things lol.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I bop around spaces a lot, but my primary spot is on my art table in my office. I have a desk for my computer lol, however I prefer the art table because it’s in front of a window and feels like a more creative space. Otherwise, I’m staring at the wall and sitting next to unopened stacks of mail and paperwork that I haven’t filed. I also like to write on my tiny porch with three different beverages when it’s not 8 million degrees outside or an arctic wasteland.

Sometimes I write at work when it’s one of those 10 hour days, I’ve finished everything pressing I needed to do, and I’m by myself in the office… Know your taxpayer dollars are going to a good cause and funding contributions to fan fiction. Willing to bet money I’m not the only government employee doing it either.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

For me, inspiration and motivation are two separate things that almost never happen at the same time, so my writing process is fairly compartmentalized. I’ll jot down ideas in my draft when they randomly strike then find ways to incorporate and string those ideas together when I actually sit down to write. “Muses” for me are less a choir of angels descending from the heavens and more my one brain wrinkle occasionally handing me a post-it note. 

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

As my supervisor likes to remind me, a theme needs to be a complete statement/sentence.

Topics/subjects/interests that appear frequently in my writing: violence, the inherent violence entrenched in colonial and capitalist systems, aikido, anthropology, nature is the answer, grief, intergenerational trauma, obvious and/or obscure references, callbacks, structural symmetry, body worship, teasing, the red-tape of bureaucracy, the sanctity of the mundane, being seen, self-acceptance, monsters and old gods, ghosts, the ancient and the archaic, personifying places, the poetry of paragraphs, grumpy characters, puns.

And I’m not surprised by any of these. I love (or love critically examining) all of these things.      

What is your reason for writing?

It is my greatest desire in this life to haunt people.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I love it when people take the time to comment at all, regardless of the type. Just the fact that someone took the time to connect is lovely! Most of the comments I get aren’t super in-depth though (I don’t get those analytical essays that I sometimes see in other comment sections) so the ones where a reader takes the time to explain what they thought, how they felt, or about what they noticed in my writing (even if it’s brief) are super special to me. It’s like “Yo! Thank you for seeing this thing I spent a bunch of time on. I appreciate and love you!” (cue spider-man pointing meme)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

A friendly ghost.

I feel people tend to find me intimidating for reasons I don’t fully understand (irl and online, maybe it’s my resting ghost face). But, my dudes, I just wanna hang with you all. Truly. I know I’m bad at initiating conversation but please, I not scary. Weird for sure, but not scary.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Environmental descriptions/storytelling, action scenes, and big picture logistics. I get an idea for a story, sit down with it, and fifteen minutes later I’m rolling out full infrastructure blueprints. I got the plot, main story beats, and themes all mapped out. I’m good at assessing and planning, but also leave a lot of room to improvise too.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It ain’t perfect but it’s solid. Refining skills is a perpetual task. There’s always room for improvement, my writing’s gonna evolve over time, I’m gonna learn from other people; I’m okay with all of that.

Fuck proper grammar and punctuation though. It’s a social construct that I ain’t got time for. Linguistically I can do what I want because all the rules around that are made up too! I’m emulating modes of irl speech. As long as it mostly makes sense, I don’t really give a shit. Bite me. 

(Editors everywhere trying to strangle me.)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Purely for myself. Sometimes I write something and I think “so-and-so would probably appreciate this” but, unless it’s a writing project for someone else or I’m designing it for a specific audience in mind, I don’t put stock into what other people want. I tell the stories I want to tell.

Tagging with no pressure: @shimmer-like-agirl @baublekute @scarlettspectra

@genocidalfetus @dani-the-goblin @fly-amanitaa

[nonranghaes]

ngl sometimes writing things for this blog has helped me go “oh this should be a scene in (book)” while also forcing me to justify it at the same time in a weird way. like yeah i threw in an aquarium date for funsies but theres also the whole “i should have some sort of comforting scene bc trauma does fuck with u like this and it would be a gradual process + it shows LI is serious about not pushing her into anything shes not ready for” n whatnot

[moe-broey]

Also I HAVE thought about Álfr Moe but in the same way Plumeria's entire life would change if you taught her about asexuality and in the same way Triandra never got to process her trauma. It would be a tragedy. That may have some chance at working out, in Askr, the same way Triandra does seem to slowly be growing into herself (Ascended FBs, esp in her convos w Plume -- where Plumeria unfortunately is just not ready yet... probably due to the nature of her trauma, and how she's being re-traumatized/triggered all the fucking time 😭😭😭) -- but like again. Final verdict, Too Sad for me to have any fun with 😔💔

A Resplendent Just For Funsies, however........ 🤔

[foolondahill17]

I just tore through Dean Winchesters Half-way House like it was my last night to live and was a little devastated to realize i had misread 24/34 as 34/34, any chance more chapters are soon to come? Either way, it’s an incredibly well written fic and it’s always nice to see Dean actually have the opportunity to process his traumas rather than just receive them. Thank you!!!! :))

Hiiiii! Thank you so much! And yes! I am definitely continuing. I've just got caught up in some rl events that are digging into writing time currently. But, here's an extremely unedited excerpt of the next chapter for funsies:

Dean comes to in a field, fog thick and dark enough to be smoke covering him like a blanket. There's none of the familiar aches and pains that accompany getting to his feet, even in his bad leg, and the back of his head pings I'm dreaming, even though his body feels solid enough and the mist is damp and cool on his skin in a way that suggests reality. Something in the chill of it reminds him of the icy tinge of the Mark, and he shivers.

It's so thick he can barely see more than a foot in every direction. The grass below his feet looks like the yellowed, trampled prairie lawn that surrounds the Bunker in late-September, but Dean can't be sure. For all he knows, he could be in the middle of Australia or Iceland or the Serengeti.

For the briefest moment he thinks he hears a baby crying, but the sound fades before he can be sure.

"Hello?" He calls into the air, but the mist is so thick it acts like a sponge, absorbing the sound into nothing. His ears ring with silence. His heart picks up speed, panic waiting just under the surface. He doesn't remember what happened just before he got here.

He was in the basement when - nothing.

Absentmindedly, his hand goes to his right arm, but there's no answering thrum from the Mark. He rolls up his sleeve and he's half-way astonished to find his skin clear. There's no sign the Mark was ever there to begin with: not even a white scar or fading pink skin.

Dean rubs against the echo of a remembered sting before squinting back into the fog. He picks a direction at random and, heartbeat in his ears, starts walking.

"Sam?" He yells. "Cas?" He follows, voice quieter. His own breathing is too loud. Anything could be out there. Watching him.

Kinda funny situation I got going on here, Cas, Dean prays and, even as he does it, realizes he got out of habit of praying to the angel while wearing the Mark. Maybe something about the Mark subconsciously deterred him from reaching out to Cas.

"Hello?"

Dean's ears zero in on the eerie whisper of another voice in the distance, something high and female, distorted by the mist so he can't tell which direction it's coming from.

"Is anyone out there?"

"Hey!" He shouts in return. "Can you hear me? Where are you? You need help?"

"Hello? I'm over here!"

Dean kicks himself into a jog, guessing to the best of his ability which direction the voice is coming from. The fog is so thick, he nearly rams headlong into the woman before he sees her:

"Whoa!" He stops himself with his hands on her arms. Her arms are bare in a black evening gown. He barley notices it as strange. Her skin is cool to the touch. "Are you okay? What the hell happened?"

She blinks at his face with wide, dark eyes, ringed with long lashes. She's a young woman with sharp features, pale skin offset with dark hair. "You're Dean," she tells him. "I know you."

[sanityshorror]

wait, why is the man with the scarred neck rated NC-17 and this may be a dumb question but what does a NC-17 rating mean?

This story has me unearthly hyped btw, you always out do yourself🖤 /pos /srs /gen

Thank you for your kind words and support, I do hope you enjoy it (well, as much as one can enjoy this type of story) where it comes out June 11 ^-^

To answer your question,

NC-17 is the equivalent of an E (Explict) rating on AO3. Both ratings mean the media is suitable for adult audiences only. Often these two ratings are assumed to mean just porn, but that's incorrect.

R (M, on AO3) means it's suitable for teenagers (under 18) to consume in certain circumstances and/or environments (I'm using the actual rating definitions here, i know that teens watch R rated movies all the time, I did when I was a teen).

NC-17 (E), however, means that the material is not suitable for minors under any circumstances due to the subject matter of the media containing themes that one needs to have the level of maturity to properly understand, handle, analyze, critically think and process that subject(s) at hand. Additionally, it means the media contains things that are not appropriate for minors to be consuming, under any circumstances.

So, why is MWTSN nc-17/E? Well... it's Killian. Read his ref and Here's Killian! (3 page introduction comic), then amp that up by about 100 and you'll get the idea. It's long, it's detailed, it's incredibly graphic and part 3 is just...😨. That's the closest spoiler I'm willing to give.

Of course, there will be a content warning on the story - I already wrote it out and it's a lot - so you'll get an idea of whether you actually want to take "the endurance test" or not. But you will have to wait for June 11 to know what exactly those warnings are. I can tell you now, though, no, there isn't any child abuse in MWTSN, other than a few brief mentions of it but there are not any scenes of it or anything like that.

However, as a preemptive statement, I will say this now -- that while, yes, MWTSN is extremely graphic and 'crosses lines,' it also has a very clear meaning behind it. There's a good chance you'll even relate to the protagonist, Elaine. As for why I chose to make it so explicit, graphic and brutally in your face - I made the choice because people simply tune out the horrific atrocities committed and I, as a victim, find it INCREDIBLY offensive to see my trauma made palatable so others can consume the media for funsies and go to bed after without a thought of the true suffering victims face. If you want to consume dark media but want it watered down so it doesn't upset you...no. MWTSN will make you very upset, uncomfortable and disturbed - and that is the point! It is uncomfortable and upsetting for me to write many parts of this.