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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “The Final Word”

Well, we made it to the finale, everyone, and if you're reading this it seems you've survived the watching of it too. Barely. To say that some questionable choices were made across these 20 minutes is... an understatement.

But before we delve into the episode, I want you to cast your mind back to November 7th, 2020. A horrible year that heralded a horrible RWBY volume. There, coming off the shaky writing of Volume 7, I posed a number of questions and concerns that the show needed to tackle, with the promise that we would return to these expectations in four months time. Now, here we are! Let's refresh everyone's memory, yeah?

Taken directly from that recap, what RWBY promised us, through various teasers and Q&As, included:

Emphasis on Ruby’s leadership and how Summer’s death has impacted her

Insight into Ren and Nora’s flaws

May Merigold will supposedly have a larger part

More information about The Long Memory (Ozpin’s cane)

Theme of the volume is that you can respect someone but that doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them

Very short timeline (supposedly just two days)

Yang in particular is very suspicious and distrustful

And you know what? They did all this. In the spirit of being fair and honest to this show, RWBY succeeded in delivering on everything they promised... it was just our foolishness that expected that these ideas would be delivered well. Ruby's leadership took center stage in the form of her hiding for multiple episodes and then others telling her she's still The Best before the plot dropped a solution into her lap... one she could have used at any point prior to this. Summer's death certainly has an impact, though it's an impact born of a crazy reveal that Summer likely isn't dead, but turned into a horrifying grimm monster. Ren and Nora both delve into their flaws, but heaven forbid either grow from that reflection. Ren learns that if he pushes past his primary flaw of keeping his emotions buried and actually expresses his doubts for once, he'll be yelled at and ignored until he admits how wrong he was. The "real" flaw is being a bad friend, with "bad friend" equaling "Not agreeing with Ruby 100%." Meanwhile, Nora considers that maybe she shouldn't rush in recklessly and hit things with her hammer... which is why she rushes in recklessly, hits something with her hammer, gets grievously injured, and is told that this is just who she truly is. No growth there, not unless we count her sudden desire to figure out who she is without Ren... but that exploration hasn't started yet. Too bad she wasn't the teammate separated at the end of the volume!

Meanwhile, May did indeed have a larger role to play, one I quite liked, it's just that this role — like all the others — inevitably circled back to realizing how wonderful Ruby is. May challenges Ruby to make a decision, but instead of being the catalyst for Ruby's growth, May becomes another forgotten side character who does a sudden about-turn regarding her perspective, leaving the group with the contradictory message that Ruby is actually doing her best, she's just a kid, no need to try any harder... everyone who claimed otherwise up until now was mistaken. May is another Cordovin. She's another Qrow. She's another Maria.

Fun fact: we don't even know if Maria is alive right now. That's how little she means to the show!

Actually, wait... anyone remember this nonsense from Volume 7?

I was too lazy to change the date.

Moving on, Ozpin's cane turned out to be a stakes obliterating bomb that came out of nowhere, makes no sense logistically — how do battles store energy that only hurts grimm? — yet nevertheless seems to have killed Hazel? It's a disaster of unanswered questions. Similar to the disaster of our two day timeline when, I'm fairly sure, we've had an unnatural number of sunrises and sunsets. I'll have to take a look back at the volume as a whole now that it's complete to be sure of that though. As for our themes... did we really explore the idea of respecting someone even if you disagree with them? Because Ironwood wasn't shown any respect. Ren wasn't shown respect. I think the closest we got was Oscar calmly validating Yang's worry about getting buddy-buddy with Emerald, but the whole point there was that Yang was wrong. She wasn't wrong, but that's what the text would have you believe. She is indeed "very suspicious and distrustful," but that's hardly unjustified in these circumstances. I'm still boggling at the fact that it took the group three volumes for forgive Ozpin, even while he was actively working to assist them, yet I-helped-destroy-Beacon-and-tried-to-kill-everyone-you-love Emerald is the group's new BFF after she... ran away with Oscar? She didn't save him, she just went along for the ride. At the very least we might have gotten a scene where Penny was like, "Hey, why are you all laughing with the woman who just tried to kill my dad?"

But oh yeah, the story doesn't remember Pietro exists either. His daughter is DEAD and he hasn't been on screen since Episode Five, let alone there when she passes.

I had my own list going in, including such expectations as "Ozpin bb you got done dirty please acknowledge this" and "Queer baiting, queer baiting… you’re on thin ice at this point, RWBY. Just skate on over to the queer snack bar before you fall straight into the lake." Obviously these needs were not met.

So what, given this mess of expectations, did we end up with?

Our finale — for some reason — breaks the one word title trend with "The Final Word." It's an expression that refers to the final word in an argument or a discussion, the idea of winning by making a last, devastating point. It can also refer to making the final decision on something, which is the best way I'm able to apply the title to this episode (outside of any “final” comparisons). Penny's death is certainly all about choice and making some kind of decision... but on the whole, this title doesn't feel like it fits well. Not like "Worthy" or "Creation" or "Risk." The two latter titles had obvious connections to the episode in question through dialogue and plot, while the former was a deliberate callback to Watts' speech. "The Final Word" feels... less obvious in what it’s trying to say.

That's a minor nitpick though. Let's get into the meat of the episode.

We open on the grimm whale still disappearing, which is weird. I get that it's massively bigger than any other grimm we've seen, but they all turned to dust near instantaneously and it's been, what? At least an hour since Oscar blew it up? Likely longer when we factor in their walk back to the manor, the fight with Ironwood, fixing Penny, and this entire evacuation. It certainly makes for a nice visual, but like so many details in RWBY, it raises unnecessary questions along the way.

The important bit though is that amidst the whale carcass a blob of evil is swirling about. Salem, obviously.

She’s not reforming in time to actually do anything though, don't worry.

Instead, we cut to the Ironwood vs. Winter fight and there's at least some dialogue this time. Ironwood yells that he's sacrificed everything to keep Remnant safe. Winter yells back that he actually sacrificed everyone else. Obviously, Ironwood should be called out for things like, you know, his unprompted murders, but instead they have Winter listing stuff that she was never shown to have a problem with before. The embargo? "Squeezed Mantle until it broke?" She, as Ironwood's second hand, understood and supported both the decision to close the border and the need to collect resources for a plan designed to take out Salem. I hate that no only did she turn without an ounce of hesitation or grief, but now they're having her act as if Ironwood forced these decisions on everyone, rather than everyone supporting him through them. We all remember Volume 7 when Ruby pressured him to finish Amity, right? And in trust RWBY fashion, most of these words are meaningless. Mantle "broke"? What does that mean? The class disparity did not come about through Ironwood: that's been in the works for generations. The lack of resources made things harder, yes, but when they were reclaimed by Robyn nothing improved. Watts is the one who turned off the heat and Salem attacked Atlas, leaving Mantle alone. Now, all the citizens have escaped through magical portals. So how is Mantle "broken" exactly? More importantly, why is Winter upset over this vague, nonsensical dilemma when she could be yelling about Ironwood wanting to bomb Mantle?

Again: this woman watched Ironwood shoot the councilman, shrugged, and continued to believe in him up until she realized his bomb threat was real. That was one of the main reasons why I thought the councilman might be alive, with Ironwood only shooting a warning shot past him. Because this is how you react to a good person unexpectedly killing someone else

whereas this is what we got from Winter and Harriet.

Hell, Weiss has more of a reaction to Yang telling Ruby things aren't super great right now.

So either Ironwood didn't do something that bad, thereby justifying these tame reactions (unlikely, given where his character ended up), or we should believe based on the animation that everyone was super chill with him killing an unarmed civilian. Which is then directly contradicted when they're like, "You're going to shoot Marrow? Bomb a city?? How could you do such horrible things??? 😲" Friends, buddies, fictional pals... you already watched him murder a dude.

The point is, there's a lot for Winter to be upset about, but she's not upset about that. There's a lot that Winter herself believed in, but the writing has forgotten that. This entire arc went off the rails a volume ago.

Also, why is Ironwood fighting with that giant gun? This is his final battle, presumably ever, and he's wielding this awkward, sluggish weapon we saw him randomly pick up two episodes ago? Let him use his regular guns! Give us a fantastic battle like he had with Watts! Instead, RWBY's final showdown consists of him using this no-name weapon as a unwieldy club in some of the most boring choreography we've seen to date. It doesn't help that this fight needs to share time with three others. Instead of an epic showdown, we're given glimpses of the battle before continually cutting away from it.

During that first cut we return to the Team RWBY battle where Penny, doing her best to stay out of Cinder's reach, is whisked away on Weiss' wasp.

Too bad she didn't do that for Yang...

Jaune and Nora watch this horror unfold until Jaune says, "Priority one!" and they split. Except... what is priority one exactly? Helping the civilians? I guess, because they don't enter the fight until the very end of it, when everyone else seems to have made it to Vacuo. And you know what, I like that. For once it feels like the group — or at least the B Team — is acting like huntsmen, putting the needs of the people over their own, personal desires. I'm sure Nora wants to help the group after Yang's (presumed) demise and that Jaune would like nothing more than to get his hands on Cinder, but they put those grievances aside to do the work they signed up for. Good job!

My only real gripe is that we don't really see this struggling in the animation, I'm just assuming it's there. In particular, there's a moment when Jaune sends Nora through the portal for reinforcements — not knowing they can't return — and they seem a little too jovial when, by this point, three friends have died.

There's letting your cast be supportive, and then there's having them ignore that three teammates have perished in an abyss. It really doesn't help to sell the idea that Yang, Ruby, and Blake are in any danger here.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Penny tells Weiss that since Cinder is really just after the Maiden powers, she can buy the rest of the group time to escape. Weiss, obviously, isn't fond of this idea... and then the both of them are blasted off the wasp by Cinder's fire. Which they deserve, frankly. They're just having this casual conversation about sacrifice while in the middle of a battle. Did they somehow forget that Cinder can fly too?

Note that multiple attacks from Cinder, another blast, and a hard landing on the pathway gives their auras a knock, but doesn't break them. The primary defense for Yang's aura shattering in a single, simple hit was that everyone is exhausted and running on little to no power... yet here the rest of the cast is, tanking multiple hits as we've come to expect. There is no explanation for Yang's defeat except that the writers chose to ignore the rules of their world for a dramatic death scene... even though that drama was erased a week later as half our team falls into the void too.

We'll get to that though. For now, Cinder corrects Penny's belief with "I want it all" and proceeds to try to finish them off, only for Blake to arrive, having made her choice from last episode about who to help. It's a legitimately nice attack, but I happened to pause at the bEST MOMENT

Anyway.

We leave that fight to return to Qrow and Harriet who have, off screen, started an entirely different battle. What I mean is, last we saw Qrow had broken through the windshield of the airship, roughly pinned Harriet, and was taunting her about getting the fight she wanted. Now, suddenly, he's going “You’re making a mistake, Harriet, what happened to Clover—” as if he's been trying to talk her down this whole time. It's jarring, especially when we consider that Qrow had a volume long "kill Ironwood" arc that was dropped because... Robyn reminded him that murder is bad? RWBY feels like a storytelling pinball machine. Characters bounce from one personality to the next, one perspective and another, round and round until you don't know where they'll end up.

Harriet screams for Qrow to just shut up already and honestly? Same. I love Qrow, he's one of my favorites, but I can't deny that he's been done dirty like so many others since Volume 6. I love who Qrow was, not the mess RWBY has created the last few years.

Time to delve back into fic after recapping!

Sadly though, this strange dialogue wasn't the only "wtf" moment. Harriet is still trying to drop the bomb — which is its own mess of confusing motivations — when Vine and Elm show up on Harriet's ship. Elm begs Harriet not to do this "because you’re our friend!”

Am I glad that they finally acknowledged that the Ace Ops have always been friends? Sure, but why did we spend two volumes claiming otherwise? They were friends, a fantastic team, then Harriet announces that's a lie and we get a bunch of "Team RWBY is superior because they're actually friends" messages. Except this entire time we're still watching the Ace Ops be kind and playful with one another. But they're not friends, the story says. Not friends as they fight these battles. Not friends as they grieve for Clover. Definitely not friends as they react in horror at Ironwood nearly shooting Marrow. No, there's nothing there... until Elm claims there is! Then Harriet reacts in shock. I have friends?

Except Elm was labeled the one "just following orders" by Yang. Elm is the one who shook off Vine after the whale exploded. This isn't the story of one character, Harriet, thinking she was alone and then realizing that people do care for her, this is a story that, seemingly at random, had this group being BFFs or acting like they hated each other — and at each point the visuals are contradicted by the story's message. When they act like friends, we're told they're not friends. When they don't act like friends, we're told they really have been this whole time. I mean, do any of them even care that Marrow teamed up with Qrow and Robyn to take them out five minutes ago? All three were going along with Ironwood's scheme until they were physically stopped, but now Elm is convinced this is a bad decision she needs to talk Harriet down from with the power of friendship?

None of these characters are characters, they're just slapped together reactions based on whatever the plot needs. Who is Elm? I've got no clue. Her personality changes every episode.

Also, love that Qrow moves to stop the bomb from dropping and Harriet screams at him to "Get out of the way!" rather than just... attacking him? She even throws her hands out like she's having a temper tantrum. This feels like schoolyard bickering, not a life or death struggle.

Even though, you know, the audience is aware that the people of Mantle have already been evacuated and Qrow's group is aware that Atlas is falling on top of Mantle as they speak, so... why does the bomb matter? It's going to, what? Destroy the city thirty seconds before Atlas does? Oh no, the horror.

Things then, if you can believe it, get even worse. The bomb is still about to drop, so instead of doing anything to stop it — I mean seriously, we know it takes four people to shoulder the bomb's weight, but you're telling me Qrow and a reformed Harriet can't snag it in a pinch? — Qrow sits there, looks at Clover's pin... and the bomb careens towards the side of the airship instead, stopping.

Because I guess Qrow has good luck now? Or always did and somehow never noticed it? Or his semblance evolved?? Again, we don't know, but it's a bad moment any way you slice it, imo. Qrow has always been defined as the guy with a bad luck semblance and, much like Penny's android struggles, the allure was in watching him overcome those challenges, not having the show erase the challenge entirely. Especially when we don't even understand how it was erased. Qrow just... stops drinking, stops caring for Ironwood, stops wanting to kill Ironwood, stops causing bad luck, I guess. RWBY takes major character traits and flips them off like a light switch, leaving the audience with no emotional tether. We didn't watch Qrow overcome his drinking, or realize he can't bear to kill Ironwood, or discover a way to live life with the horrible hand he was dealt, he just blinks one day and those things are gone. Why? No one is sure. Not even the writers, I'd wager, because otherwise they would have written explanations into the text.

Many in the fandom insist that any basic information provided by the story amounts to "hand holding" when in fact there is a massive difference between the sort of unnecessary exposition that bogs down a tale, and having facts enough for the audience in its entirety to be on the same page about what is actually happening. For example, recently someone argued strongly that the "Penny is human" take is incorrect because Penny isn't human, she has an inhuman body made entirely of aura... yet where in the world does this exist in the story? Ambrosius may have been unsure about what Penny would be prior to removing her robotic parts, but that ambiguity is gone once her body forms, the equivalent of worrying about that gun only for a flag with 'BANG' to appear instead of a bullet. Worrying about something doesn't mean that something actually occurred. Penny appears human, expresses human sentiments, and then, this episode, dies as a human. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and succumbs to the mortal peril that all ducks face... it's probably a duck. As I said in a recent ask, I implore the fandom to stop writing RWBY's scripts for them. Or rather, do so in some amazing fanfics. Don't do it on critical posts as a means of insisting that your revision is canon.

So Qrow has good luck now, maybe, but this character change doesn't amount to anything because Watts remotely starts the bomb's countdown.

At least he’s entertaining and competent. We had that for a time.

Back to the main battle, Neo is kicking Ruby's ass. Why? Because there's no consistency in power levels in this show. The ancient woman who hasn't fought in decades dances circles around Neo, highlighting how weak she supposedly is, yet now Neo dances circles around our main character. None of us should expect fights to follow the logic of the world, only what drama the plot wants to stir up. Ruby is eventually knocked down from a hard hit — yet her aura's intact! — and is saved at the last second by Weiss tossing Neo into one of the portals.

Far more of a problem than the power leveling is that Ruby gives no indication here that Neo just murdered her sister. Again, that's what the characters are meant to believe, yet Ruby is as stoic as she would be fighting a bunch of White Fang grunts. If you showed this scene to a RWBY fan on its own and asked, "What do you think happened prior to this?" the answer would be, "Uh... nothing? Ruby is just fighting Neo like she did on the airship in Volume 3." Nothing about this scene — from dialogue to animation — sells the idea that Ruby just lost the person most important to her in the world.

When we do finally mention Yang, it's Weiss who goes, “Come on, we have to do this for Yang” and the delivery is... meh. Honestly, I normally don't pay much attention to the voice acting, but I had a problem with most of Weiss' lines this episode. The "Leave her alone!" during this fight and later a "Get back!" as she attacks Cinder both fell really flat for me. Given the devastation and charged emotion that's supposed to be here, we can't give her anything better than generic cries that, again, she’d throw at any grunt? In that later scene the animation absolutely helps sell Weiss' distress, but the dialogue is common and the delivery has no emotional punch, leaving it feeling like Yang is just hanging out in Vacuo and they promised they'd beat the baddies before catching up with her. No one but Blake is acting like Yang died.

In fact, we see more emotion from Ruby when Weiss shoves her back, taking the brunt of Cinder's blast.

Weiss' aura breaks, not that that's a danger or anything. Everyone falls before they're injured, Winter gets the Maiden powers, Ren barely has to fight. Losing aura in this show used to be a moment of peril, where just last volume Winter was bruised, bleeding, and now needs an assistive device because she had to continue a battle with no aura. Now it's a joke. Aura breaks left and right across the volume with no repercussions attached to that.

We see a bit of the Blake and Penny vs. Cinder fight where Cinder blasts Blake off the edge. Penny rushes after her because at least one character remembered that they can fly.

Ruby, meanwhile, remembers that she can fly when it benefits her. After getting hit down onto a lower level and watching Crescent Rose plummet, she taunts Neo into an attack with a move that's actually quite good. I like the confidence with which Ruby riles her up and I like the strategy of darting behind Neo to knock her off the path instead. “Whatever you wanted, I hope it was worth it."

The only thing I don't like is that this speed and ingenuity had to disappear to justify Yang falling.

Cinder breaks Ruby's aura from behind though, sending her over too and grabbing onto Neo's leg. In an obvious moment born of the trope, it looks as if Cinder is reaching to help Neo, only for her to snag the Relic instead. “You should have never threatened me," she tells Neo and to Ruby: "you should have never been born.”

Love that they erased all that cool growth from last episode! And by "love" I mean "hate." As I said last recap, I'm not going to pretend that Cinder's character isn't riddled with problems, but realizing she was stronger by teaming up with Neo and Watts was one of the best things they've ever done for her. It made Cinder dangerous again and showed Watts' speech having a clear impact. It also made her more entertaining, creating a new dynamic among the three villains. Now though, Cinder is just... Cinder. The same boring, stupid Cinder we've had since Volume 4. She betrays Neo and then later betrays Watts.

So Cinder kicks Neo and Ruby both over the edge because why would we want to make her interesting? Neo falls, but Ruby has friends there to catch her! Unlike Yang. Jk. Weiss’ aura is gone and Blake actually tried both times, so major kudos for her. Using momentum supplied by Penny, she snags Ruby and hooks her weapon into one of the pathways... only for Cinder to cut the ribbon. Both plummet and once again Penny has a more believable reaction to all this, just like she did last week

Speaking of reactions, does anyone else find it weird that Cinder finally succeeded in killing Ruby and... doesn’t seem to care?

No? Just me?

At least we get that good animation with Weiss I was talking about before, even if the dialogue is lacking. I love that she snagged Blake's weapon and uses it to try and take out Cinder, shaking the whole time. Those are some great details.

Back to the bomb, Qrow is trying to escape, but Harriet says there isn't enough time to get out of the blast range. "I've killed us all." Vine has the solution though, using his semblance to wrap up the airship, thus containing the blast when it goes off. His final words are to reassure Elm that he can give his life, "if it means saving all of my friends." Just in case you missed the part about the Ace Ops being super close this whole time. Even though they also weren’t. Trying to eat your cake too, RWBY?

Frankly, I didn't feel much of anything during this scene, not when Vine made the sacrifice, nor when Elm and Harriet look on sadly while Robyn pilots them away (that's her contribution this episode).

All I can say is, good on RWBY for not killing one of the three dark skinned characters, or just murdering the Ace Ops as a whole. What the story is going to do with them though, who knows.

Jaune and Nora have that ‘You can do it!’ moment after three of their friends have presumably been killed. I swear, about 80% of Jaune's scenes do not work tonally and oh boy, things only get worse from here.

First though, I like his entrance. He slams into the fight against Cinder and lines up with Penny and Weiss, who is still dual-wielding her and Blake's weapons. That's an epic shot.

It looks as if they stand a decent chance against Cinder — Weiss' lost aura notwithstanding — except then Cinder's arm starts going crazy and she gleefully announces that Salem has returned.

Working on a time limit now, Cinder unleashes a volley of attacks that Penny steps in to protect the other two from. It's here that Cinder grabs hold with her grimm arm.

It's here that Penny dies. Again.

For the third time.

Friends, I am tired. This moment honestly deserves the most epic of rants, but that, in turn, requires energy. Energy? In this economy? Ha! That's hilarious. Taking this seriously though, the problem here can — as usual — be boiled down to a single question: What was the point?

Penny died in a horrible attack that shook the cast and audience both to their core.

That emotional impact was erased through her resurrection.

The resurrection did not create a new emotional impact for our heroes to grapple with.

Penny is given the Maiden powers, solidifying the fact that she's always been a "real girl."

That lesson was erased when the story decided to make her human for unexplained reasons (because no, she never needed to be human to survive the virus).

Penny then dies, passing the power to Winter... who was set to get the power in the first place.

We have, once again, come full circle. You can take Penny out of the story and nothing changes. Does Ruby lose any lessons or emotional growth? No. Does anyone survive who would have otherwise died? No. Does her getting the powers lead to someone unexpected snagging them upon her death? No. Penny's existence was filler. She was put in the story to take up time and, that done, was removed from the story once again. It's a choice that wouldn't be half as horrible if that filler hadn't done so much damage along the way.

First is the obvious: that Penny didn't deserve this. As a character, she didn't deserve to be brought back just to be killed off again, seemingly without narrative purpose, serving only to draw in viewers who RT knew loved the character. Second, keeping her in the story led to her entire arc unraveling. Initially, Penny died as an android in the world's eyes, but those who actually knew her — Ruby and Pietro — mourned the girl she really was. Now we have this horrible message that being a machine isn't real enough, so she has to die as a human being. It's a disservice to her character and, as an allegory for many minorities, downright insulting to the audience. Third, this offensive 'better to die as a human than live as a robot' message is wrapped up in the claim that Penny finally gets to choose something — “Let me choose this one thing. Trust me” — but she already did that when she chose to take the Maiden powers. We already had the better written version of this last volume!

And the fourth issue...well.

Fourth and fifth are the real kickers. Fourth is that Penny's death was an assisted suicide. She explicitly asks Jaune to kill her so she can ensure she's thinking of the right person when she passes (never mind that her thoughts would probably be on Jaune while this is happening) and that's... pretty horrible. Look, I'm no purist. I like a great deal of dark, gritty stories whose plot exists to make us uncomfortable. That's a valuable emotion that fiction can generate. The problem is not that RWBY is tackling a sensitive topic, but that they aren’t tackling it well. Yes, they put in a content warning and (from what I've heard) a suicide helpline as well, but providing the already necessary resources is not the same thing as writing that kind of scene with respect and care. All of the above tells us that, no matter what RT may have intended, that respect and care weren't communicated to the audience. Like Yang, they didn't even bother to keep Penny's death within the rules of their world. Jaune is right there ready to heal her and Penny says no, there's supposedly not time.

Um... since when?

Jaune's aura boost is instantaneous. The second he amplifies aura is the same second the healing starts and their talk could have been spent saving Penny. There was certainly time to save Weiss in Volume 5. To have a character go, 'Nah, it's too late' when the solution is right there is the ultimate cop-out. Suddenly announcing that the solution will no longer work For Reasons is not a legitimate limitation and it's made doubly insulting that RT didn't simply use the limitations already available to them. Jaune has been running low on aura since the whale. He then expended a great deal of aura boosting Penny to keep the virus in check. Every other ally has had their aura broken in this fight so, there. That's your solution. Have Jaune take a few hard hits from Cinder, his aura breaks, and then when Penny is mortally wounded he no longer has a semblance to heal her. It's that easy! Yet instead they had Penny reject help so that she could ask to die. That's what's offensive here.

Finally, reason number five... why is this moment given to Jaune? That's another easy solution: Jaune has gone through the portal and can't get back to heal Penny. There. Done. But logistics aside, this scene should have gone to any other character. Who is Jaune to Penny? Or Penny to Jaune? No one! They don't have a relationship. I get that the writers didn't want any of the girls at her side because then it would be hard to justify Penny not passing the power to them (which I get: making one team member a Maiden changes the show drastically), but you know who should be there instead of Jaune?

Pietro.

Pietro, who built Penny as a weapon and who was never given the chance to apologize for that. Pietro, who told Ruby he could only rebuild her once more, setting up an expectation that he'd sacrifice himself for his daughter (despite the complicated racial issues that would bring up). Pietro, who watched Penny plummet and has no idea what happened to her, let alone that she's been made into a human girl. Pietro should have been at her side, saying goodbye to his child and helping her complete her last wish.

And it would be so very easy to pull off. All it takes is a single line where Penny remembers that her father exists, asking Ruby to ensure a portal opens up in Amity. There's a quick reunion along the pathways before Cinder attacks. We hear a cry of despair as Penny falls and she looks, seeing her father racing towards her, though she thought he'd already made it out. There, you’re done. We open ourselves up to a lot of attacks whenever we say, "Why didn't RWBY just do ____?" because those who vehemently defend the writing like to go, "Oh, you think you could write RWBY better?" and no, I don't. I struggle with long-form storytelling and massive casts. I don't think I could do justice to the sort of show RWBY wants to be, but I do think I'm a decent enough writer to spot when there are major problems like this. The question of "Why doesn't Penny remember that her beloved dad exists?" and "Why, out of that massive cast, is Jaune the one to do this deed?" are both things that a newbie writer can spot, and a sometimes okay writer can figure out how to fix them both simultaneously. A good writer will start thinking about themes — what might it mean for Pietro to kill the creation he made? — and a great writer will find a way to pull that off without having that insulting, discomforting feeling pop up. At this point, our RWBY crew feels less like new writers making mistakes (because they're not new, not at all), but rather just writers who haven't bothered to learn from their mistakes after eight years. That's a lot harder to watch.

Because putting Jaune here doesn't just mess with RWBY's internal rules (not using his semblance) and it's not just useless in terms of Penny's development (she doesn't know him outside of "dude who boosted my aura for an hour"), but it also falls back into a pattern I thought RWBY had finally broken from: making Jaune the story's emotional center. This is not the JAUNE show. It's the RWBY show. Yet here, once again, we have Jaune in the spotlight. Why, after a whole volume of Ruby avoiding making decisions, does Jaune finally make the hard call? Why, after a scene where Penny asked Ruby to kill her, does Jaune do that deed? Why, after a divisive arc where all the grief for Pyrrha went to Jaune, is Jaune now set to shoulder the grief of Penny? At least Jaune had a relationship with Pyrrha, even if Nora and Ren did too. Yet with Penny he seems to be there solely because the writers can't bear to keep him out of that center spot for long. All of Team JNOR make it through to Vacuo... except Jaune. Jaune falls into the abyss too because, if the show goes this route, we apparently can’t have a volume just about Team RWBY, the main characters. The main characters are separated from the rest of the team and it's Jaune, not Oscar and Ozpin with a connection to the lore, not Nora or Ren whose development now hinges on them learning who they are without the other, it's Jaune who follows the title characters into a new dimension.

The issue is not whether Jaune deserves to grieve over the truly traumatic thing he just did now that he’s done it. He obviously does. The issue is the writers setting up a scenario where Jaune is situated to do that emotional work in the first place.

I like Jaune as a character. I don't like how the writing uses him as a character. RWBY is built on the idea that these four girls are the heroes of this tale, not the expected blond, blue-eyed, sword wielding guy we’ve seen in so many other stories. So why does that guy get the most important scene of the finale? Yes, Jaune had much less screen time this volume than he did in the past, that’s a good thing given the number of important characters RWBY has to balance, but that hasn't erased the problem of him being given significant moments that should be going to title characters. Does Ruby’s team rescue Oscar and take on Salem? No, Jaune's team does. Does Ruby's team save Penny? No, Jaune's semblance keeps her grounded and then holds the virus off. Not everything is a problem — we've also got good choices like having Ruby defeat the Hound and Ruby's team take on Cinder for the majority of the fight — but that doesn't erase that Penny’s death wasn’t something Jaune should have been a part of. Not unless he was going to heal her. Doing better than they have in the past doesn't mean that RT isn't still slipping when it comes to giving him undeserved focus.

They took one of the most controversial characters, controversial because of how much emotional focus he's gotten in the past, and had him help a fan favorite commit suicide while he cried about it, showing more emotion for a near stranger than our title character showed for her sister. This is a character who, up until two or three episodes ago, had no connection to the victim and still has no reason to thematically be the one committing this act. That is why the fandom goes, “The crew loves Jaune and does everything they can to put him in the center of the action.” Ruby, as main character and Penny’s first friend, is the obvious choice here. Pietro, as Penny's father, would be a good choice too. Hell, Nora is a better option given their moment in the Schnee manor this volume. Or Winter given their moments in Volume 7! Have her escape Ironwood, find Penny, receive the powers, and then finish him off. Literally anyone would be better than Jaune, not because Jaune is a bad character, but because Jaune has no emotional stakes here and putting him in a position where he could heal Penny but doesn’t is massively stupid. No one should be surprised that a lot of the fandom is upset about this. It was one hell of a reach to give him this moment and, since Jaune's problem has always been getting too much screen time and emotional nuance compared to our main cast, it's no wonder this act brought up a lot of bad memories. RT fell back into an old pattern after two volumes of improvement and they did so at the worst possible time.

The tl;dr is that Penny's third death is a writing travesty, just like her second. I shouldn't be surprised, given that this is the same volume that tortured a kid and the only thing they did with it was have him blindly trust his torturer... yet I find myself surprised nonetheless. Because Penny had such potential as an android Maiden and, as much as I personally hated it, potential as a former android learning to be human too. But why explore any of that when you can kill her off instead? Again.

As a final, far smaller note about this scene, we have the continuing problem of what purpose Cinder's arm is serving. If everyone recalls, its threat comes primarily from the fact that she can "siphon off" power from other Maidens.

She did it to Penny during the Amity battle and now she does it again, a great deal of green energy absorbed into Cinder. So what's left to give to Winter? Why doesn't Cinder become noticeably stronger with each successful theft? Like so much else in RWBY, we're told it exists without actually seeing the impact of that. Winter isn't a weaker Maiden for having lost power and Cinder isn't a stronger Maiden for having snagged it. It's just.. there, hanging out and looking vaguely menacing, I guess.

Outside of this unnatural not-transfer, we get to see how the power normally passes as Penny meets with Winter in some in-between place. It's a soft, heartfelt scene... with the exception that Winter says, “You were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just the machine. Just following orders."

I don't know how any viewer can doubt that RT now believes machinery = evil. Penny's machine body is magicked away so she can be a real-real girl. Yang announces that the arm she worked hard to make a part of herself is just "extra." The man with half a metal body is made this volume's villain and losing his second arm is, by the authors' own admission, a symbol of his lost humanity. Mercury with two metal legs remains a bad guy while Emerald and Hazel are hastily redeemed. Tyrian with his cybernetic tail is the most devoted crazy of the bunch. Maria, blind and in need of assistive lenses, is so forgotten by the story she was left in the tundra nine episode ago and won't be mentioned again until next volume (if then). Pietro, the guy in the wheelchair, is forgotten too, despite it being his daughter who dies on screen.

Now Winter, also bearing an assistive device, says that she's the real "machine" here and tells Penny, now human, that she was always the "real Maiden." I don't know what happened to make RT do a 180 lately, but the disability rep is no longer what it was.

Penny reassures Winter that she'll always be a part of her and then passes on, for good this time.

The rest of the episode feels lackluster, if I'm being honest. Images of Cinder beating Weiss are intercut with Ironwood beating Winter, getting her to a point where her aura breaks.

But then the powers appear and, as we'd expect, she easily turns the tide.

Gorgeous animation there.

But RT once again rewrites earlier scenes by having Ironwood claim that the "destiny" he chose for Winter has finally arrived — isn't that Cinder's MO? — and Winter shoots back that he chose nothing, this was a "gift." Except, it was never about destiny or orders? This was why Weiss' anger in Volume 7 was ridiculous. She acted like Ironwood forced Winter to accept the powers and Winter told her point blank she chose this. Ironwood didn't decide anything, he offered and Winter chose... kind of like how Penny is choosing now. I hate how nearly all of Ironwood's character has been ignored or, during times like this, outright lied about to make him seem super duper evil. He tried to bomb a city! You don't need to make him seem evil anymore, that job is done! Like their sudden change regarding disability, RT now seems to be allergic to nuance. Heaven forbid Ironwood be allowed to have valid points like he did in Volume 3. No, if you've got an antagonist every single thing they've ever said must be twisted into a display of their evilness.

Unless you're Hazel, who Oscar trusts for #reasons. Unless you're Emerald, who the group immediately embraces. Unless you're Cinder, who gets to cry on a rooftop and secures the trust of her allies long enough to betray them again.

But Ironwood? Nah, screw that guy.

Salt aside, the fight is pretty boring. Winter literally just throws up a wall of ice and Ironwood's blast rebounds, taking him out.

Winter flies through the portal and we return to Jaune. His sword is broken by Cinder, so weapons should be quite the problem in Volume 9.

There's a bit of sword vs. sword Maiden battling — this episode really pulled heavily from both Volume 3 and 5's finales — before Cinder gets smart again and attacks Weiss, currently trying to escape with Jaune. Weiss goes right off the edge and Winter isn't able to reach her in time. That's the entirety of Team RWBY, lost to the magical void.

Kudos to Winter's VA and the writing here though. This feels like an appropriate reaction to losing a sister. Screaming, sobbing, falling to her knees and beating the floor... Ruby, take notes.

A roar sounds through all the portals though, the sort of roar a pissed off witch might give. Jaune convinces Winter they need to leave Cinder behind, but before they can escape Cinder... makes a new wish?

Look, it works on all the major fronts. Cinder has the staff, check. We've basically established that Ambrosius can make an unlimited number of things per era, check. We know the previous thing disappears when a new wish is made, check. My only question is the timing. In all honesty, I'll have to re-watch the scene to be sure, but at the time it felt like the portals began disappearing almost the second Cinder left. Did she really have time to summon Ambrosius, deal with his explanatory nonsense, and get him to make a new wish without any fiddly concerns? Sure, fire is just fire, but it still felt like way too much happening too fast off screen.

Either way, the portals are gone and Winter makes it through in time, but Jaune does not. He falls through the void along with Team RWBY. And Neo.

Neo is the only addition I'm looking forward to here.

We get a few shots of our other characters as Winter arrives, saving the day by taking her grief out on the grimm. So glad something came of Ren breaking his aura again! Maybe they'll be more fighting at the beginning of Volume 9? If we see any of this group outside of 9's finale. My worst fear right now is that we'll spend an entire season away from the main action — remember how I said it would be stupid for Team RWBY to go on a side adventure while Salem is attacking the world? — and when they return there will have been some major time skip. Salem has destroyed most of Remnant, only pockets of survivors remain, it's all dark and dystopian... and oh look, every bit of character development happened off screen. How did Nora discover who she is without Ren? She did it while Team RWBY was gone. That merge we've been teasing for five years? That happened while you were gone too and, btw, Ozpin has ceased to exist. So sad, right? Not that anyone will actually mourn. Just take comfort in the fact that his last line was an "Oh no" about Ambrosius and his last major scene was apologizing for how the group treated him. Emerald's redemption? Off screen. Winter's grief? Off screen. Any and every one of these challenging beats to tackle can be waved away with, "We went through that arc while you were lost in the magical realm. Just get to know our new, improved selves now!"

Please, oh writing gods, don't let that happen.

Though I do worry because my last prediction came true.

But we all knew we’d end up here. My current theory? The portal should still be open at the vault. Winter will fight Ironwood, escape through it, and it will close right before he escapes too. He’ll fall with Atlas and everyone will act as if it’s some beautiful, poetic justice for him to perish with the city.

Ironwood didn't make a break for the portal — too busy being unconscious — but we got everything else. Winter left him, he falls with Atlas, and this is some poetic justice, I guess. Really, it's just an undignified death. I'd hoped for a sympathetic kill, something that showed the characters still cared about him even if they knew Ironwood had to be stopped. Baring that, I'd hoped for an epic battle that took him out with style. Instead, no one even bothers to kill him. Ironwood is now beneath the entire cast, not even worth finishing off. Winter casually tosses his blast back at him and leaves. Cinder throws out a "that's checkmate" and leaves. I don't think Salem even looks at him. Ironwood (presumably) dies with no one and nothing, just a casualty of the city Team RWBY made fall. And I say "presumably" because the audience isn't even given the satisfaction of being sure he's passed on. Like Hazel, Ironwood's death is this weird, ambiguous moment that, based on the other character reactions, isn’t meant to be ambiguous. Is he dead? Most likely. Is it possible, based on what we've seen, that he'll pop up two volumes later like

Yes and, memes aside, that sucks. I don't want to be wondering for the next couple years if Ironwood survived and if they'll bring him back just to drag his character through the mud again. Move on.

But no, we don't even get that.

I've spoken at great deal about Ironwood both in these recaps and on my blog more generally. Last week, I said I'd covered it all and there was no need to rehash it all again. I stand by that, so let me just conclude this travesty with a final note: if your bad guy's final moment is using the last of his strength to point a gun at the actual villain of this story, and you don't realize the problem of how this image contrasts everything else the story has insisted about his character? … I just don't know what to do with that.

Oh, actually, final-final note: Ironwood’s semblance is officially a Schrodinger's semblance. It is both canonical and noncanonical simultaneously. Wooo.

Cinder tells Salem she used her wish to "add more flames to the first of Atlas" and we cut to Watts, trapped in a roaring fire, unsuccessfully trying to break his way out. Wow, I hate that too! Next to Tyrian, Watts was our last remaining, entertaining villain. He carried a lot of the last two volumes and, I had hoped, was going to add some bright spots to the coming volumes as well. Apparently not.

Just another waste.

In addition to this casual, second murder of her ally, Cinder successfully convinces Salem that Neo killed Ruby and Ruby used the Lamp's last question, but she's back in her good graces since she snagged the Relics anyway. “You’ve done well, Cinder. Our work here is done" and they leave, blasting off like a less cool Team Rocket as Atlas plummets into Mantle.

Let's spend a second to tally things up then, shall we? What happens if Ruby, instead of throwing a moral fit, says, "You're right and we never should have lied to you, or betrayed you. But we want to help now. You get the Relics and the Maiden to safety in Atlas, if you can, we'll defend the people of Mantle"?

Well, they can still tell the world about Salem and call for help, much more easily now since Ironwood would likely just give them the code rather than them needing to spend an episode stealing it.

The Staff at least may not have ended up in Salem's hands and the group could have actually focused on getting the Lamp back (also solved if they'd been smart and just put it in the vault to begin with).

Mantle would still have been safe because Salem was never interested in Mantle to begin with.

Atlas wouldn't have fallen.

Ironwood wouldn't have died.

Penny wouldn't have died.

Even Vine wouldn't have died!

Our heroes unambiguously made the situation worse. Rather than banding together with their allies to fight the real enemy, Salem, they pushed until they made enemies of Ironwood and the Ace Ops both. Then they asked for help — which a pinch of logic said would never arrive — and twiddled their thumbs waiting for it. When it was clear none would come they...did nothing. They sat around, upset that the people were in danger, but not willing to do anything about it. It's only when one of their own, Penny, is threatened that they kick into high gear, hitting on a solution that they could have posed to Ironwood from the very start if no one liked the fly away plan. Yet instead of taking a few minutes to brainstorm other ideas — doing anything other than denouncing Ironwood to the rest of the group and attacking the Ace Ops — they spent two days sitting around, fixing minor messes they’d helped to create, then rushed through the portal plan, messing up the wish and stranding an entire kingdom in a sandstorm, with only Winter now to protect them from grimm.

Fantastically done, team.

The villains won, yes, but not because the villains were smart and compelling. Watts' hack on Penny and the heat petered out to nothing and Salem... well, she sat around for the whole volume, expending energy only to torture Oscar and try to (unsuccessfully) stop some escapees. Neo and, miraculously, Cinder did the most damage, but only in the final hour, with this "damage" being that our characters fall into a void that we now know looks remarkably like a paradise! Everything bad that happened was a result of our heroes being stupid and stubborn. That's a compelling story to tell... but RT isn't trying to tell it. Our heroes caused so much damage, yet that damage goes unacknowledged — or worse, ignored into silence like with Ren — and everything else is waved away with the magic wand the series claims isn't there. The cold doesn't kill anyone. Oscar has no problems walking off the torture. Nora hops back out of bed. Ruby one-shots the Hound. The civilians lost to the void must have survived too. The entire kingdom successfully makes it to Vacuo... unless you count the massive army we never saw making use of the portals, but who cares about them, right?

The villains won, there was indeed something resembling consequences, but none of it was emotionally satisfying. Not even when the series tries so hard to insist that emotion is there.

Qrow watches Atlas fall, mouthing Ruby and Yang's names, but it's too little, too late. Where was this care for his nieces when he was obsessed with killing Ironwood? When did they care about him? Was it when Ruby shrugged at his arrest, when neither cared that he was missing, or when they were designing an escape plan that didn't include putting a portal where Qrow could reach? RWBY markets itself around the found family-ness of its cast, but they're done a poor job in recent volumes (not others) of convincing me that most of these characters care for one another. We went from Ruby denouncing all adults, to Ruby pulling an Ozpin with Ironwood, to Ruby watching blandly as her sister falls to her presumed death. This is my hero? This is the simple soul we're supposed to rally behind? Ruby doesn't feel like a character who cares about other people anymore and, given that she leads the charge, neither do most of her friends. Or, when that emotion appears, it's jarring and undeserved. Jaune cries over Penny's death? That's tonally and characteristically backwards.

This volume was the culmination of so many mistakes over the past two years. No, Covid couldn't have made things any easier for the crew — the fact that they got a volume out at all is amazing — but the pandemic isn't to blame for the problems in the story. These seeds have existed since Volume 5, with some (like Jaune) going back even farther. I don't think we're ever going to get that flawed, but emotionally fulfilling RWBY back. The show has dug too deep and unless it somehow manages to create a clean slate — those time travel ideas get more and more alluring! — there's nothing they can do but keep on digging. At this point, I can only hope that the series does wrap up within the next two volumes, rather than dragging RWBY to a Supernatural-esque length.

Our final shot of the episode proper feels fitting for what this volume has been. Atlas and Mantle flood rather than exploding, something that makes a certain amount of sense, sure, but definitely wasn't what I was expecting. And after all these shocking images — Penny dying, the grimm attacking, our main characters disappearing in a puff of gold dust — we end it all with bits of random debris. It's strange and underwhelming. Out of everything you could have done with the options you had, you choose to do this?

Of course, RWBY always has an after-credits scene (RIP Raven's, still amounting to nothing). Here, the sounds of water return to show us a beach. Crescent Rose imbedded in the sand, mirroring its classic pose in the snow.

There's a tree. It's a very different kind of tree from what we saw in Volume 6, but the height and shape is nevertheless reminiscent of Light's domain.

A tree of life, anyone? After all, the group has fallen into a dimension created by a Relic, the gift of Light himself. It certainly seems as if RWBY is heading towards another encounter with the Gods, though what that will look like and how narratively satisfying it will be remains to be seen.

As for our bingo board, RWBY certainly pulled its weight! Only three squares got gold stars: Watts and Jacques didn't manage another team up because both are dead, Oscar didn't apologize for getting shot because he was too busy being tortured, and Qrow didn't drink likely because he didn't have access to any alcohol across the whole volume. Can't say that's a stellar result. The final image is something to behold though lol.

What a mess.

And on that less than exciting note... we’re done. This has been the volume of desertion, with a large number of fans telling me that they will no longer watch RWBY, but baring something entirely unexpected in my future, I'll be back next volume, for whatever that's worth. It never ceases to amaze me that even one person would give these nonsense recaps the time of day, so in all seriousness: thank you for reading. You rock.

Now go forth and fill the hiatus with great RWBY content!

✌️

#suicide tw #rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #mymetas #rwby recaps #rwby the final word

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clatterbane · 3 years

Text

I successfully swallowed a small pill, just a little while ago! First one since like July 2020.

If an oral medication is not available in some format which can at least be safely/effectively crushed or opened up and dissolved in some liquid? (However disgustingly, I might add. 🙄) I just haven't been able to take it. So this was a bigger deal than you might expect.

Based on a little food experimentation since the latest dilation treatment earlier in the week, I decided it was worth risking one of these teeny little horrors whole:

(Hand for scale.)

They're film coated for a reason, yeah. 😬 Those fuckers are not only bitter, they are very well known for making your mouth numb and tingly if you so much as cut them in half--never mind needing to crush them up and swill them in water. It feels horribly weird, and pretty much totally kills my sense of taste for hours--except for its own lingering bitterness! Even trying to take the crap like an hour before bed (about how long I can stay awake afterwards), that's not too pleasant.

So yeah, I was extra glad that at least smooth things that size can make it down without blocking up my throat now! Besides the general relief, because this is the best it's been basically since the scarring started setting in.

More important with, you know, actual food and the like. But I am also relieved at the prospect of maybe not needing overall pretty gross liquid medications from now on. That was hard enough to take when I was a kid, and needing one hell of a lot less of the stuff on a less regular basis!

(Also, I am freshly pissed off at the not-so-benign neglect passing for treatment through the NHS--while persistently acting like that is some great act of charity you should act suitably grateful for. And they really want you out of the system's hair, one way or another. Funny how much more favorable the results can be when the institutional approach is...not like that. 😑 And it's not just me with experiences like this. That's the super frustrating and depressing part. But, trying not to get started right now.)

At any rate, I did indeed successfully swallow a pill. Today a pill, tomorrow the world...of chewier meats? 😄

#personal #esophageal stricture #medication #food #sorta important #medical fuckery

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sanstropfremir · 3 years

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pls do talk more about b*s and their current image (censoring because if you don’t have great things to say i don’t want you to be attacked by their crazy stans :))

i always bring this up when i talk about them but it’s really :( that they are the way they are now. like i was a fan because of their hyyh era and their songs about the troubled youth. and of course they can’t stay in that image forever (because we all grow up and it would just be v fake if they tried to continue it given their status and wealth now.) it’s just disappointing that they went down the ‘safe, disney image’ and are releasing generic mainstream pop songs people will forget after a couple listens. i’m no longer a fan of them now but yuh.

also not to mention how they essentially made kpop boring for me now lol i wish companies had fun with their music selections instead of aiming for whatever b*s has. like we will never get a group like orange caramel again (i know wjsn chocome’s concept was similar but it just didn’t feel the same. you talked about it before and i wholeheartedly agree with ur points.)

thank you for the consideration of censoring the name but honestly i'm not that worried about it. i do however find the increasingly creative ways people censor it to be extremely hilarious so keep it up if you would like.

i addressed most of the first part of your ask in the second part of my response here, this is now the third installment in a series, somehow. (the first part is here).

not to level this at you in specific anon, because i know a lot of people share this sentiment of kpop being 'boring' now, and while there is an element of this that is influenced by bts, and although it is true we aren't getting the same level of wild that produced orange caramel, there is actually interesting and kinda weird stuff happening in kpop; it's just not by the groups that are getting the most attention. dreamcatcher has been out here doing horror rock since their debut in 2017. onf has put out two excellent summer pop tracks with fun and stupid genre mvs. i love this recent ghost9 track. i'm obsessed with the instrumental in the chorus of bdc's moon walker. just b debuted last month with a strange bang yongguk track and a very 2013 feeling mv. here's another weird and fun boy group debut, blitzers. a.c.e have put out favourite boys, the fave boyz remix, down, and higher as their last four releases which all have the most coherent and well designed concepts in the last year. and while i'm at it i might as well include take me higher and undercover. oneus put out a mad max themed performance video randomly for no reason like three weeks ago. the rest of the industry were cowards for not following up on to be or not to be with a shakespeare comeback wave. rip onlyoneof but they gave us a whole three week comeback of dick grabs. hanya brought my attention to this weird as shit debut track from a group that has now totally disappeared. knk's sunset exists. we moved on way too fast from the mv because taeyang was being cunty on music shows but sf9's teardrop has probably some of the most interesting shots in a kpop mv in the last several years. and we definitely moved on too fast from my favourite just some guy and goofy movie character woodz's feel like.

i think it's pretty fatalistic to view bts as having singlehandedly made the industry boring because honestly......i don't think they have. if you want to talk about the downturn to plainclothes styling....well that's shinee's fault. and the general trend to less dramatic fashion and visual tastes is not exclusive to the kpop industry, it's been a whole cultural trend. the mid to late 2010s were the rise of 'normcore' and we haven't burst the bubble yet. bts is just reflecting trends happening in the wider world, and in particular the western one. for the most viewed kpop mv of 2020 dynamite did....what exactly? it didn't really spawn any significant copycats in terms of sound or aesthetics, with the exception of maybe superm's we do if you look at it a bit sideways. although this is one of bts' better styled mvs, 70s retro did not make any resurgence in kpop styling, EXCEPT in magazine and fashion shoots, which it was already doing in the west. taemin's criminal was significantly more influential; i can think of at least three different male soloist mvs that borrowed heavily from it. honestly i think stylists and groups are trying to steer as clear as possible of whatever aesthetics bts uses, lest they accidentally doom themselves to a (perceived) slighted fanbase. plus, there's been a pretty sizable resurgence in contemporary hanbok styling, so even though there is a lot more outward attention going to things like international promotions for other groups and whatever the hell sm keeps trying to do with nct, i think a fair amount of companies are interested in maintaining the koreanness of kpop while facilitating broader global access.

and honestly, bigger acts have also put out interesting things in the last year. we did all see taemin's back to back release roster for ngda right? criminal? idea???? advice???????? fuck, chocolate was barely a year ago. whatever your opinions on yunho are, thank u is fucking brilliant mv. sunmi's tail. lie to me and tell me the mv for you can't sit with us isn't fun as fuck. i dunno what the hell the new nct127 song is gonna be like but the teaser photos and mood sampler are weird as hell and i'm absolutely interested. he's only kpop adjacent at the moment but jackson's 100 ways and lmly are really sharply produced low budget mvs with clean and interesting visuals. maniac shot to the top of my most listened immediately after it dropped because lia kim AND those slick horns in the instrumental???? ten's paint me naked was not at all what i was expecting but it's still fun as hell and has a pretty unique aesthetic.

the tldr of this whole three parter is this: bts has always been reactionary to wider cultural trends and that's been how they've made it this far. yes their influence on the industry looms very large because of the predominence of them on the scene, but it's mostly in the perception of kpop rather than in the artistry of it.

i don't think any company is going to be able to achieve what bts and hybe have, which i think is fine. they're the scale tipped too far. hopefully by now most companies have probably noticed that they don't need to cater to the western market so hard, and that it's probably not a good idea to offer their artists up on the racist chopping block of the western pop scene. you can market to an international fanbase without trying to gun for a grammy or for billboard or whatever. creating interesting art should be at the fore, not numbers goals. but we're just gonna have to wait and see what happens in the next year or so.

#now if youll excuse me im going to go listen to the mixnine love in the ice stage again for the 524th time #because i have FEELINGS and today has been a LOT #i dont know that im necessarily saying anything that other people havent said before but yea #there is definitely a saturation in the market but i really dont think you can blame that on bts #there are many other groups that have proved the industry is heavily profitable #it is very reasonable that there is a glut. finding the gold may require a bit more sifting but it's still there #honestly watching the music shows is the best and easiest way to keep engaged and finding new stuff #you dont even have to watch the whole show. you can just watch the stages #that's what i do in the morning. like reading the newspaper lmao #i will answer more questions about bts if people have them but i will try not to make them this long because this is just unreasonable #875 #kpop questions #kpop analysis #group analysis #text #answers

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lazyliars · 4 years

Text

Thinking about Tales from The SMP...

So, If I’m interpreting things correctly, Karl canonically doesn’t get to choose when or where he time travels to, meaning that something, or if the books are any indicator, someone, is deciding where he goes, and what “story” he experiences.

“Stories like todays can show that not everything necessarily has to end in misery.”

So, setting aside the obvious question of Who, I’d like to take a moment to consider some of the Why.

Namely, why are the stories that Karl is experiencing necessary for whatever it is he’s doing/going to do?

The Masquerade makes the most sense as of right now - It gives Karl forewarning about the Egg, how it operates, and that it’s old.

It, interestingly enough, doesn’t give us more than that. The only new piece of information the viewers get is, as previously mentioned, that the Egg has been around for awhile.

This lets the theorists narrow things down a little, but the general viewership doesn’t get much out of this nugget of information, so we have to assume that the narrative purpose this serves is to bring Karl up to speed on the Egg stuff.

The Lost City of Mizu again reaffirms the information we already have. In it’s climactic reveal of the Dream Room, we learn that Dream was worshiped through blood sacrifice, and that Ranbob might have murdered the entire city, which reminds Karl and the audience that Dream’s Not A Good Fella.

We could also extrapolate that this is a warning from the In-between that Ranboo is compromised and/or has a connection to Dream, but we’ve yet to see them interact properly so that’s just speculation for now.

The other episodes are less clear in their intended message, lesson, or warning.

The Town that Went Mad gave little to no concrete links to the modern day SMP (until Ponk began to tie it into his lore, which is baller btw go check him out, but which afaik was not planned during the writing of the episode so I’m not counting it to be safe.)

Tubbo/Robin also drops a line about the “Red-Eyed Village Wars” which some have linked to Egg plot. The time period could easily line up with the Masquerade and The Wild West, but there’s every chance that this was a throwaway line from Tubbo, and completely unplanned. We just don’t know.

But more than lore drops, The Town That Went Mad shows Karl an eerily familiar scene - a community of people tearing themselves apart to root out the source of conflict. It’s not quite a 1-1, as the town did have more clear cut “bad guys” then the current SMP, but the similarity remains.

I’ll only count The Town That Never Was as tentatively part of the tales canon. It was the pilot episode, and it doesn’t involve time travel, at least as far as we know.

As for what it has to teach, it’s a clear recreation of the destruction of L’manberg. I don’t know what this teaches, but, uh, yeah.

Then there’s the Beach Episode... It’s got that early installment weirdness, Karl is still very obviously working out the kinks in his storytelling style and voice, and it’s clear that he hasn’t fleshed out what he wants this to be yet. As a consequence, the following theory is tenuous at best, please take it with a grain of salt.

At first glance, the Beach Episode seems to have no lore-relevance. It’s just a fun jaunt between a group of friends.

But, this was streamed on Jan 9th - a time at which Dream had just blown L’manberg up with Techno, and was hiding outside of the SMP lands. This episode also features Ranboo and Dream, the former of which has stated that he and Dream haven’t spoken once, meaning that either he was in Enderwalk when this happened, or this episode not only doesn’t fit into the timeline, but it doesn’t fit into the canon at all.

Now, there’s a good chance that this is just meant to be taken as a filler episode, and we should ignore the canon inconsistencies. However, I’m have adhd that want thing be deeper than it is.

I propose that this Episode is canonical, and takes place in an Alternate Universe - visited by Karl to teach him that, despite how horrible things are right now, they could be better, even idyllic, where a group of friends can cavort around a beach and look for treasure without a care in the world.

This explains the inconsistencies - In this Universe, Dream either didn’t blow up L’manberg, or Ranboo and the rest of the dteam + Bad didn’t mind him doing so.

This opens the door for other AU themed episodes though - silly ones, serious ones... I for one would love to see an over-the-top “darkest timeline” episode, where everyone talks in a low, gruff voice and tries to be darker and edgier than each other.

More lore-oriented, we could see canon-divergence - maybe a “Pog 2020 wins the Elections” story, or a “What if Eret never betrayed?”

I feel like this would give a lot of freedom and give some opportunities to people to explore their current characters on the SMP in ways that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to. It also serves the narrative, giving Karl reason(s) not to mess up the timeline, lest he get these strange offshoots.

Anyway, I would love to hear what people think about this, and any ideas for AUs that could be explored through the Tales format...

#tftsmp #tales from the smp #dream smp #Karl Jacobs

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hanmajoerin · 3 years

Note

I feel kind of alone right now in the IY fandom for still liking and having faith in Rumiko Takahashi. I feel like people are justified in being mad at her and confused about the recent cover art she did, but I just sort of feel like the hatred is getting a little outta hand, especially since we don't really KNOW what's going on w/ her behind the scenes or what she's thinking, and I just think because of that, we don't really have a right to pass judgment on her yet.

To me, the fault still lies squarely on Sunrise and Sunrise alone as of right now.

That's just me though.

Sorry I'm telling you this outta nowhere. I've just been stewing over this for the last few days and have wanted to say something but been too afraid to, and you seemed like a safe person to talk about this with after seeing your recent Rumiko Takahashi posts.

Eh, that’s what I’m here for! There’s no need to apologize 🥺💕.

I’ve been a fan of Takahashi’s since 2006 and that cover art made me dramatically break down for what I’m sure is the 50th time since Yashahime’s release. While legitimately getting depressed and drinking sake in a bathtub–please see evidence below (Ranma 1/2 is my ultimate comfort manga) lol–

a friend called. She and I roomed in college and she’s always been supportive of my love of Takahashi’s works. Maybe it was the situationship I was talking her through a few weeks prior, but she heard me drop advice I’d given her once (or like a hundred times) before. And she stopped me. She 100% wanted me to hear what I said about that damned cover art. Although I’m sure my sentence was longer and less elegant, she told me I said, “Takahashi isn’t responsible for our emotions.” Seriously, my old roommate really stopped my babbling to make me marinate on more than just the bath salts attempting to relieve the tensions in my muscles from Yashahime. I felt so attacked 😅.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there will be no response from Takahashi that makes everyone happy when it comes to Yashahime and–for me–that’s okay. When I think about Takahashi’s animes, they’re not the ones winning awards. And when I think about Takahashi as a content creator, she’s not exactly perfect. Seriously, we’re all getting decisive on behalf of a woman who has the audacity to answer, “I don’t know,” when asked questions about her own manga 🤣. If that’s not humbling as a fan, I don’t know what is. Still, this doesn’t mean Takahashi doesn’t care about her characters or her works.

Rumiko Takahashi doesn’t owe us explanations, our reactions to her interactions with the manga vs. anime are not direct reflections of her personal emotions, and if she has any more thoughts on Yashahime I’m not really interested in hearing them anymore.

I’ve kind of blacked it out, but I think 2020 is when episode fifteen of Yashahime aired (could have been 2021, I’ve lost track of the time) and I got the ultimate sucker punch with the mother of the twins confirmed. It was hard, but now that I can reflect, I’ve been defending notions about InuYasha that Sunrise introduced long before this. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking. Sunrise isn’t even paying me to deal with their shit, but I’ve been clearing up their misinterpretations of InuYasha for years. Way longer than I needed to. And it’s always been a worthwhile fight because InuYasha is more than pages in a magazine to me, and I feel like that’s a sentiment many of us relate to. It’s why it’s weird to see such a monumental influence be shredded like a tapestry by a sequel that should never have happened.

I’ve read countless interviews from Takahashi, and I’d like to think I’m familiar with how her mind works. That being established, I’ve never sat down to talk with her, so hell if I know 😅. Still, I feel like she brings good intentions to the table. Good intentions are not always enough. I’m not here to defend her per se, but I’ll go down with Takahashi. She’s my girl! If Yashahime isn’t making you happy–if the entire anime of InuYasha doesn’t sit well with you anymore–ditch it. Stick to the manga (you know, the one that officially concluded in 2008 😒). If the entire story of InuYasha is driving you nuts, Takahashi probably has over 200 manga published at this point, knock yourself out. They’re all incredible. If Takahashi doesn’t float your boat anymore, it’s a 3ft deep lazy river that loops. Feel free to ditch your pool floatie, towel off, and find a manga/mangaka that better fits what you need right now. Your media experience is dictated by you, and if people have issues with it, that was bound to happen regardless of this sequel.

I can’t spend the rest of my life lamenting Takahashi and her opinions on someone else’s take about two characters in InuYasha that I can easily forget (even though I adore Rin, her sass is top notch lol). And if that makes me the worst person in the world and damns me to hell, fine. I got a beef to settle with Sunrise down there anyway, I might as well earn my spot.

I’m not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, but I’ve been going through it, too. It was therapeutic for me to give you this insight, so I hope it helps. Takahashi can be a bit of a goof ball, but she’s marvelous. Even if I get cranky about Sunrise, please know that I will always be a Takahashi safe space ❤️.

#hanmajo speaks #with friends!#thanks for trusting me with this #these are tough times #InuYasha #Rumiko Takahashi #anti yashahime #anti sunrise #anti sessrin #can I give #Ranma 1/2 #a shout out?#hell yeah I can #you get me through the worst of it Buddy #you had me laughing before my friend called

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harringtonstudios · 4 years

Text

best friend’s ex.

plot: he’s your best friend’s ex and you should stay away.

A/N: i wrote this in one sitting and it’s very long <3 took some creative liberty here so imagine 2020!kells but he hasn’t made it just quite yet in the industry. this is heavily based off the song release tonight with blackbear so enjoy (maybe while listening!)

masterlist!

The circles in New York are different than the ones in Los Angeles. There’s a hint of familiarity in the New York circles, everyone seems to know each other connected by one person or a distant story of that one night the whole crowd tripped on molly. It’s dizzying, intricately knowing every single person backstage or at some club without recognizing them exactly.

You haven’t gotten used to the life, not yet acclimated with the high-fives and looks thrown your way at a party, or the nameless phone numbers crowding your text messages. It’s all new, fun and exciting and you have no one to thank but your best friend.

She’s made for this life, for the late nights and the rushes, the sticky floors and glittery lipgloss. This is her environment, where she thrives, and sometimes when you look at her in the club, necklaces shining with the overhead lights, you find it hard to connect this Domi to the one who you’ve seen crying on your bedroom floor after watching a despairing animal shelter commercial. But then she throws you a grin, crowds close, drapes her arm over your shoulder, and it just makes sense.

It’s been years of friendship, ever since you two met at freshman orientation for college. Her roommate was terrible, and more often than not, she’d be camping out on your twin-sized bed, offering you bites of her snacks in exchange for a safe haven. You both hadn’t really been into the party scene at school, too busy scrambling for reports and fibbing results for the endless lab sessions.

Domi graduated a semester early, spent an entire summer taking accelerated classes so she could go fly off to New York right before the new year started. That’s when things seemed to change. You’d been upset with her, hints of jealousy tinging in when she’d send you pictures of fancy clothes and people she was hanging out with, the nicely decorated venues she’d find herself in. She invited you to come to the city a few weeks in, buzzing on Facetime about backstage passes.

Then you were graduating yourself, packing two suitcases and jetting halfway across the country to live in the shitty apartment Domi’d been renting out with a couple of strangers. It had been hard to settle down at first, the air was different in the city and you’d had to up your resting bitch face game when you sat on the subways late at night, but before you knew it, you were enjoying the city that never sleeps, best friend right by your side.

Colson had stumbled into your life a year ago, and then been ripped out six months after. He was a up and coming musician (self-proclaimed) and had taken a chance bet on the city, moved from Cleveland with his friends and a mixtape. He was beautiful in a rugged way, angled cheekbones and lanky limbs, but Domi had taken one look and called dibs, so you tampered any attraction down.

It hadn’t taken long for them to start dating, even if Domi claimed they were just fooling around, it was clear to see that there was some level of intimacy there, a relationship itching to be formed. You’d been happy for her truly and it was easier than you’d expected to fall into a camaraderie with the guys.

Colson’s friends were funny, quick on their toes and absolutely chaotic. They fit into New York better than you did, and almost every single night, you would find yourself at their apartment, playing shitty drinking games and jamming to loud music.

Domi kept the relationship as lowkey as she could, and at some point, you would hear less and less about Colson. It didn’t really hit you then, but it was the beginning of the end in a way, and then she was walking in, eyes red and wet before yelling out the fated words, “We broke up.”

Everything you had gotten used to was suddenly taken away. You spent weeks consoling her, reminding her that she was better than this guy, stronger and that time was the only way this would heal. She begrudgingly listened, and then took your phone from you, casually blocking Colson’s number along with all his friends.

At first, you’d been mildly upset. She was the one who’d fucked up, the one who’d decided to break up with him, so why was this effecting you? It didn’t make sense, they were still your friends and you liked them more than anyone else you’d met here.

But then she’d given you her patented puppy dog eyes, and you’d dismissed it, decided that if this was what she wanted, so be it. You could stand to lose the drunken nights, your liver would thank you.

Colson Baker and his friends disappeared from your life as fast as they had appeared into it. You spent your nights cooking at home instead of going out, focused on building back your sleep schedule instead of getting drunk off your mind, and the days went by.

Of course, nothing lasts forever and six months later, your coworkers’ are begging you for a night out, like the old times. Everyone’s antsy for your reply, know that you haven’t been to a social function with them in ages, and you take one look at their faces before sighing and agreeing.

The entire office claps, you flip them all off before catching sight of your boss, who simply smiles and shakes his head. There’s a faint flutter in your stomach, memories rising from months ago, parties and late nights, flashes of lights and thumping music. You shrug it off, tap your pen against the desk, bring your focus back to work.

Three hours later, you’re catching the train back home. It isn’t exactly rush hour yet, you’ve gotten out a little earlier than usual, Friday evenings usually being dull at work anyway and you’re glad because there’s less people mulling around in the sticky heat of the train station.

The station doesn’t smell great, there’s a tinge of stale pee filling up the air and you discreetly move to the other side of the station, trying to get as far away from the smell as you can. New York City man.

The train pulls in, and you automatically put in your headphones, music blasting in your ears as you sidle into the train car, passing the passengers coming out. It’s relatively empty, being near the front and you thank the train gods before sliding into an orange seat near the door.

There’s a couple of guys sitting at the other end, they’re loud and boisterous, shoving each other and you give them a once-over before settling into the seat. The train moves, and you pull your purse onto your lap, patting it once before letting your eyes fall close.

The next stop comes abruptly, jolting you out of the little dreamscape you’d created. There’s a shout as the doors open and you pause your music trying to tune into what’s going on. It’s still the group of guys, but now there’s more of them and you roll your eyes at the banter drifting across the car.

The music starts up again and you lean your head back, try to get comfortable again, but it doesn’t work. There’s a weird feeling in your gut, making you uneasy but you brush it off, raise the volume until all you can feel is the dirty bass.

A minute later, someone kicks at your shoes and you open your eyes, ready to angrily scold at them until they can feel the rage across the car.

The words die in your throat. Colson Baker’s standing there in all his glory, lanky arm leaning against the metal, blonde hair puffing around his head, grin lighting up his face.

His nose is pierced now and you take it in, the way it brings out his eyes and you pause the music mumbling out, “Nose ring looks good on you.”

You bite your tongue right after, embarrassed that after months of silence that’s the first thing that falls out of your mouth. He laughs, body shaking and you’re flashed back to nights in his apartment, watching him laugh on the other couch, head thrown back.

“Thanks,” he murmurs before going, “How’ve you been?”

“Good,” you answer honestly and there’s another shout from across the car, Colson turning to wave a hand.

“It’s the guys. They didn’t think it was you, but I could tell yanno,” he explains and you raise your eyebrows as he continues, “They’re all still kinda pissed you blocked us.”

The statement falls between you two, awkwardly as the train car rumbles on. You wince a little as he fake coughs to fill the empty space.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about all that man. You guys were like family,” you carefully mention, hands playing with the hair tie on your wrist.

“It’s cool. I get it, I mean we both know Domi,” he stammers out and his own hand goes to rub at his chin.

This conversation isn’t what either of you expected and you shift up in your seat, trying to change the topic at the mention of your best friend.

“So what’ve you been up to?” you ask and he smiles at the gateway question, eager to get rid of the uncomfortable energy.

“Got signed to a record label,” he murmurs and the smile that takes over your face is unreal. There’s pride blooming in your chest.

“No way!! Oh my god, congrats dude. That’s killer,” you gush out and his cheeks taint red at your words.

“Thanks,” he says, eyes meeting yours.

“I knew you’d do it. You’re immensely talented,” you continue on as the train comes to a stop.

It’s not yours but it seems to be his. The guys all shout over at him and he’s looking up and then gazing at you, caught between the two options before he makes up his mind.

He doesn’t choose you, you’re not surprised.

“I appreciate you!” he shouts out before running off the car, joining the rest of the guys on the station.

You turn in your seat and wave at them, catching a couple of glares and hesitant waves back before the car pulls away, to the next destination.

The music starts up again and you will your heart to slow down for reasons you can’t even comprehend.

Domi gives you a look as you rush into your room. Usually after work, you spend time in the kitchen, milling around grabbing little snacks as she cooks, but you actually have plans tonight.

It’s the first time you’re going out in months and you take a quick shower before pulling out all the old outfits you’d shoved into the back of your closet.

There’s a nice dress, black with faint traces of glitter and you eye it for a second before deciding against it. This is a fun night with the coworkers, not your insane best friend who’d always managed to get you to dress your very best.

There’s a pair of skinny jeans tossed into a dresser, and you eye the rips in it before pulling it on. It looks good, tight in all the right places and you root around for a shirt that can be just fancy enough.

There’s a nice purple one tossed in the closet, slipping off of a hanger and you grab it before pulling it on and tying it up in the front.

It’s pretty, makes you look just right and you play around with your hair before sitting down and committing to a makeup look.

Fifteen minutes later, you’re throwing your keys, a pack of gum, gloss and your phone into a small purse. It hangs off of your wrist and you take a look in the mirror before stepping out of your room.

“Where are you going?” Domi asks, her tone slightly cold.

“Night out. Coworkers invited me and I couldn’t say no,” you explain, running your hands down the jeans.

“Oh,” her face falls.

“Do I-look good?” you ask hesitantly.

“Yeah. You always do bitch,” she half-heartedly adds and you smile at her.

“I’ll see you tonight,” you say, grabbing a carrot from the countertop.

“I’ll wait up,” she smirks and you nod before heading out the door.

The club’s only a few stops away and when you swipe your metro card again, you groan at how low the funds are running. You haven’t filled it just yet, and the $1.25 flashes up at you, taunting.

“I’m poor,” you scoff at the machine and the girl swiping next to you laughs.

You get in somehow, sneakily using the swinging baby stroller door and by the time the train pulls up, you’re only running a few minutes late.

It only hits you when you sink into the familiar orange seat that you didn’t tell Domi about running into her ex. You know she doesn’t care as much about Colson now, scorchingly refers to him as that one rapper, but it’s an unspoken rule. You always tell if you run into the ex.

Your fingers tap against your phone screen, wondering if texting her is appropriate but you drop it quickly. It’s not a big deal. You’ll just let her know when you get home tonight.

The doors open, you leave and then you’re stalking towards the club doors, eyeing the long line. The bouncer is staring everyone down, and you wade up to the front. You’ve learned enough tricks in the short party lifestyle you’d had.

“I’m with the VIPs,” you flash your ID and then a $5 discreetly tucked under it. He looks you up and down, grumbles slightly before taking the money from you.

The rope opens and you smile before stepping through into the dark. It’s loud inside already, the lights contrasting the slight evening colors from outside. You look around before you spot the team and walk over to them.

“Hey!!!” they exclaim and then you’re being handed a glass, cheering the night as everyone drinks it down.

It’s tequila, stings in the back of your throat and you cough before wiping your mouth, “God, I haven’t had this in so long.”

“See that’s why we needed you out tonight,” one of them goes, checking your shoulder with theirs. You laugh before agreeing and order your drink of choice, chiming into the conversation.

It’s going so well, the night seems to be twinged with good vibes. You feel nice and loose, arm draped over your nearest friend as you two sway at the songs playing.

There’s a commotion at the door and you guys turn towards the bouncer only to see people scuffling around, pushing to get closer.

“Hey dude! I’m playing tonight. Musical guest here!!!” comes a loud voice, and it rings familiar in your head. It’s faint, digging somewhere into the back of your mind and you get on your tip-toes trying to see.

“Fuck you,” someone else spits and it echoes around the club.

The crowd splits open then, and you get a glimpse at old friends, adjusting their hats as they stalk across to the stage.

Rook’s fuming as he walks past you, and you spot the tell-tale crease on his face, the grit of his teeth. It scares you, the memory of it all after late night game losses, the way he would blow a gasket about cheating.

Slim and Baze wander behind him, they seem cooler, always are, but the anger is brimming under and you look away as they pass you.

AJ isn’t there and you guess he’s already in the club. He’s always been the sensible one, stable and ready to take control of the situation when it inevitably turns bad.

Colson’s following the rest but his eyes are on the crowd, hand going out to meet people, smiling at everyone. There’s a faint cut on his lip, blood trickling out and you want to scream at him. He comes up around to where you’re standing, and you step back, let your coworkers high five him as he passes.

He doesn’t see you, it’s better that way.

You order up another drink, ignore the whispers of the pesky rapper as they fill up the air around you. He’s well known here apparently, people aware of him in the scene. They mumble about the fights, the way he never seems to show up without a cut or bruise.

You take a shot, sip at the alcohol, smile fading as your coworker ravishes on about how good looking the musician is.

It takes about twenty minutes, and then the music shuts off. There’s a squeal of microphone feedback and everyone around you ducks, hands rushing up to cover their ears.

“Fuck,” a mumble comes across the sound system.

There’s another shuffle and your friend grabs your arm, pulling you closer to the stage. There’s already people there, milling around, clutching drinks and you try to stay on the sidelines, out of view.

“We should go closer,” he determines and then you’re being pulled forward again, swimming around in the second row.

Colson is standing front and center in all his glory. The shitty lighting makes him glow, and he looks big, energy filling him up. He pulls the mic off the stand and steps back before going, “Afternoon. We are Machine Gun Kelly.”

The name isn’t familiar. You don’t know it and quite frankly, it doesn’t place anywhere either but that’s all you get before the music starts up. It’s weird, a pace you don’t expect from him and then he’s off, singing with a grit in his voice, fingers flying across a guitar draped over his shoulder.

Everyone seems to bob along in the crowd and you do too, losing yourself in the way he sounds, the tone of his voice as he croons. The music is great, drums harsh and strong, guitar loud behind the vocals.

The set’s over quick and you’re slightly sweating by the end of it. He thanks the crowd before jumping off stage, and you immediately retreat back to the bar, anxious to steer clear of him.

Even in your drunken state of mind, it’s a bright red flashing light: Stay away from Colson. Stay away from the guys.

You switch to water for a while, try to stop your head from spinning with the lights. Everyone you came with is somewhere on the dance floor, so when an arm drapes on your shoulders, you freeze up, still facing the bar.

“Hey,” and then you’re looking up at Slim’s face, sweaty and eager.

“Slim,” you breathe out, vice in your chest loosening at the fact that it isn’t Colson. You don’t know why this is better, but it is.

“What’re you drinking?” he asks, hand going up to call over the bartender.

You don’t have the heart to say water, know that he’ll laugh and then get you a beer, so you murmur, “Get me a shot of vodka?”

His smile widens and he shouts the drink order over the counter before dropping his arm, “You sipping the hard stuff now?”

Shaking your head, you respond, “I’ve always drank the hard stuff.”

“Yeah, back when we hung out,” he slips into the banter, and your heart stops. You didn’t realize it had hurt them this bad, that months later, drunk and high off of a good show, Slim still manages to bring it up, voice tightening slightly.

“Look, I’m sorry about all that. I really am,” you start, but then he’s passing you the drink and locking arms.

“Cheers,” he says and you clink your shot glass against his, tipping it back.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble out but he throws you a look.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says and then he’s shouting out, “Yo Kells!”

It clicks into place then, the Machine Gun Kelly. It’s his nickname, has been for years apparently since he was rapping in middle school hallways, but he’d always introduced himself as Colson to new friends, let them decide whether the Kells fit him or not.

You hadn’t called him Kells once, in the months of knowing him, had laughed about it a couple of times with Domi, who loved to mock it any chance she could.

“You stalking me?” Kells sleazes out, there’s already a drink in his hand, someone following him around with bright eyes.

“No,” you state, moving away from the counter. The red lights are in full effect, this could end up terribly.

“Seems like it,” he sums up, coming in closer to lean against the bar. His lip is still cut, looks swollen as he approaches you.

“You fucked up your lip,” you state, mind cursing at the lack of filter you seem to have around your best friend’s ex.

“What?” he goes, and then his fingers are rubbing at the fat lip, eyes scrunching, “Guess I did.”

“Well it was nice to see you again,” you try.

“I just got here, you leaving already?” he murmurs, brushing off the person following him.

Slim’s moved to the other end of the bar, Rook’s throwing you a glare.

“Don’t think your friends want me around,” you nod over.

He turns his head and makes some kind of motion. Rook drops his eye contact, head going to duck at the bar. Slim smiles.

“They don’t know what’s good for them,” he mumbles, head turning back. His fingers tap at the bar, and there’s a beer appearing. He smiles at the bartender.

“I’m good for them?” you scoff, there’s a hint of bitterness at your tone, but it’s not directed exactly at them. It isn’t their fault.

“Always have been. The good influence when we would try and do stupid shit,” he says thoughtfully. He’s almost as drunk as you, eyes slightly red.

You laugh at that, “You’re always doing stupid shit. Great set by the way, impressed the fuck out of me.”

“You didn’t expect it?” he says as if you were supposed to have known all his songs by heart.

“I haven’t heard any of your music,” you honestly reply.

“Not even the mixtapes?” he seems shocked.

“No, Domi never sent them to me and you all just assumed so,” you stop yourself, falling into dangerous territory.

At the name drop of his ex, he winces a little, “God she was a fucking head-case.”

“Hey that’s my best friend you’re talking about,” you shout a little too loud. You catch Slim slamming a hand onto Rook’s shoulder. The air becomes stifled.

“Sorry,” Colson offers, taking a long, pointed sip.

You sigh, “Don’t be. She can be a little much sometimes. I’m sorry for how it all ended.”

“You should hang with us tonight,” he calmly says, switching the subject. Your breath catches in your throat.

“I don’t know-“ you start.

He cuts you off, “I get it. If you want, we’ll be here for a while. Find us.”

That’s all you get and then he’s walking towards the gang, slipping into the crowd. You drop your head onto the shell covered bar, groaning out.

The night dwindles down, your coworkers trickle out, slamming messy kisses on your face before walking out. You’re left by yourself soon enough and there’s a pulsing in your head, matching the music vibrating under your shoes.

It doesn’t take long to decide. You want to hang out with Colson and them, with Machine Gun Kelly. It’s a bad idea, you can tell before you’ve even fully determined it, but it’s as if fate’s lined everything up for you. It’s gonna happen.

You push away the nagging thoughts, wander around the club trying to find someone, coming up empty. Everyone seems to have left and you roll your eyes before stepping out yourself. Maybe fate doesn’t want this to happen.

As soon as the thought crosses your mind, you spot Rook across the street, blunt in hand. He hasn’t seen you, looking down at his shoes but you know him well and if he’s around it means the others are close by.

You brace yourself, work up some form of courage and walk over. He looks up at the sound and there’s immediate dislike flashing across his face.

Out of everyone, Rook’s been the most temperamental. You’d thought it was going to be Colson at first glance, but were quickly proven wrong by his friend, by the harshness of his demeanor at times. He doesn’t hide his feelings, and while you respect that, you’re also intimidated by his posturing.

“Hey Rook,” you mumble.

“Y/N,” he bluntly states.

“How have you been?” you try, but immediately know it’s the wrong thing to say.

“Cut the shit. What’d you want?” he bites out, eyes hard.

“Was wondering if I could catch a ride with you guys?” you question.

AJ usually drives them around, his black van large enough for the gang, and his self control strong enough to stay sober. You don’t know if it’s changed since the last time everyone hung out, but you’re hoping it hasn’t for the sake of your almost empty metrocard.

“Why’d you think we drove here?” he’s shrugs, giving you a hard time, and you shake your head wondering if your pride is worth this.

“Never mind dude,” you turn around but then he’s groaning behind you.

“Yeah we’ll take you back home. Kells’ kill me if I let you walk around here drunk. C’mon,” he says and you try to hide your smile as you follow him.

He takes a few more hits before tossing his blunt to the ground, and you’re glad he hasn’t offered you any. It would be too forgiving of him, too close to what you all used to be, and you wouldn’t know what to do if it came to that. Domi would kill you, hell she’d kill you if she knew you were getting into a car with them right now.

He stops in front of the familiar van, opens the door with force and everyone’s shouting inside, clambering over each other. You almost smile at the chaos, the familiarity of it all.

“Y/N!” Colson’s shouting and you do smile then. He slumps over long limbs and comes over to the door, reaching his hand out to you.

“You coming with us?” he asks and you nod before Rook mutters, “She needs a ride home.”

Colson purses his lips before looking back over at you, hand still outstretched, “Yeah, c’mon in. AJ got you.”

It’s late, later than you should be out and there’s a reminder that Domi’s waiting for you back home, wants to hear about your night. Your resolve flickers the minute his hand wraps around yours.

He tugs you in the van, and you follow, stepping in before they all scatter around, making enough space. There’s another girl with them, someone you don’t remember meeting or knowing but she smiles at you and curls into Rook’s side.

The music in the van is almost as loud as in the club, filling up the space. You wonder, not for the first time, how AJ drives like this, how he casually sings along, fist bumping the rest of the guys after a song.

Before you know it, there’s a blunt being passed around. Colson skips you on the first round, and you try not to let it hurt, remind yourself that you’ve stung them harder than this, hurt them worse.

He leans into your space after handing it off, whispers, “You still don’t smoke right?”

There’s a painful twist in your stomach at his question. When you all first met, you wouldn’t smoke blunts with them, hesitant about the strain and Domi’s eyes on you. She hated weed, despised the smell and would always remind you of that fact before you’d all spend the night out.

After the breakup, she’d loosened up on that, didn’t care if you smoked out on the fire escape, and sometimes even joined in, it was weird. Weirder than the fact that Colson somehow remembered all this months later.

“I do,” you whispered back, licking your lips, “smoke I mean.”

“Oh,” he softly says and then the blunt’s coming back around. He barely takes a hit before handing it off to you, pushing your hand slightly with his fist.

“Thanks,” you mumble, smoking it in. It’s strong, brings an immediate rush. You close your eyes.

When you open them, Colson’s too close to you. The red lights flash hard in your head and then the car’s stopping in front of their building.

You don’t even hesitate, “Is it wrong if I come up with you?”

His eyes look into yours, it’s quiet enough that you feel the weight of your statement sink in. This is bad, so bad.

He doesn’t say anything but everyone around you is moving, pulling off instruments and slamming doors. He carefully takes your hand, pulls the blunt out from your other one.

“AJ, we’re gonna chill for a while,” he says, towards the front seat, giving him the blunt. There’s a hum and then he’s opening the door, pulling you out just as he’d pulled you in.

For a second, you hesitate and then you’re falling into him. His arm wraps around your hips, pulls you back up on the sidewalk.

“You okay?” his voice is quiet, the world still moves around you both but it feels like you’re the only two people who matter.

“Yeah,” you nod.

“Wanna go home?” he says, and the words hit you for a second before you shake your head.

“No, this is cool,” you tongue out.

You’re both walking into the building then, satisfied with your answers. The manager gives you a once over at the front desk but that’s all before Colson’s thumbing the elevator button.

“What about everyone else?” you murmur.

He looks at them unloading the van and lets out a laugh, fingers tightening slightly against yours as he shakes, “They’re gonna be busy a while.”

You laugh back, try to tamper down the feeling of seeing him full-body laugh for the second time that day. The elevator dings and you step in, he follows.

It’s the same damn elevator as it was six months ago, but there’s something different in the air right now. It’s staticky, thrumming through you and it feels like you’re stumbling right on the edge of something.

The doors close, it’s just you and him. The feeling gets stronger, his fingers loosen against yours. You grip harder and he looks up straight into your eyes.

The door dings open again and he huffs a little, “Forgot to click the button.”

You smile but it feels thin. Your brain is flashing wrong, flashing red, screaming Domi’s name, but your heart is racing, pounding against your chest.

You screw your eyes shut.

He hits the button, the elevator starts going and you step closer to him. His back is against the elevator wall and there’s a calm look on his face, but you can tell he’s nervous, can feel it in the clamminess of his palm where it’s sticking to yours.

“I’m going to kiss you,” you blurt and you don’t even have time to regret the words before he’s pushing into you, lips finding yours within seconds.

They’re warm and softer than you expected. He lets out a groan as you kiss back, and you’re reminded of his cut, the swollen lip he’s sporting now. You move back, rest your forehead against his.

“Sorry, your lip,” you attempt to explain, but he shakes his head, forehead sliding across yours, twisting it.

“I like it,” he mumbles and you smile before kissing him again, feeling his arm wrap around you, pull you closer.

It’s the first time you’ve kissed him, he’s strictly off limits, a forbidden idea, but it feels like everything has suddenly fallen into place. The warning signs dissolve into bursts of serotonin as he makes little sounds, pressed up with your mouth.

The door dings open. You break apart and step out. Is kiss drunk a thing, or are you losing your mind? He grins at you, pulls your joined hands up for a soft kiss brushing on your knuckles.

Your heart flutters right then. If you’re losing your mind, you’re glad it’s with him. Dealing with the aftermath is something you’ll do later, so you push all thoughts of Domi and her complications aside and follow him straight into his apartment, consequences be damned.

taglist: @iamdorka @no-shxt-sherl @bakerkells @findingmyths @rosegoldrichie @mayaslifeinabox @itjustkindahappenedreally @hnbtx @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @sophroniaa @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused @calum-defense-squad

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Note

You mentioned jk "witholding" his affection for jimin and how it would be jimin's request? 1. I guess it's hightime you accepted that, everyone noticed it last year and it wasn't a hot and cold situation either, it was full on nonchalance. 2. JM would never ask that of him. Never. The same way he wouldn't ask JK to tone down his interactions with other members, he wouldn't ask him to publicly not care for him. JK makes choices and when people don't like them, suddenly those choices are JM's?

Me trying to sneak past this Ask. Lol

I just don't know what to do with it honestly. I mean I don't think you are being rude or anything. But I also don't know what to do with it....

I guess it's hightime you accepted... it was full on nonchalance.

I'm not sure if this is in reference to JK not posting for Jimin on his birthday or the moment on the couch in the Grammy reaction video.

Because only one of those two instances is up for debate where I'm concerned. I think I have said several times now that from time to time JK does switch off his humanity around Jimin and the others. It's weird. You'd think he lost his daylight ring or summin. Lol.

And I think I have said that's exactly what he did on the couch in the Grammy reaction video?

And I said that's not the only time he's done that? I think I mentioned how he did the same in Soop when they were playing sport at midnight and he shoved Jimin?

I mean it's a whole meme now.

RM: Keep ya eyes on the ball.

JK:

Lol.

It's the why he behaves like this is in certain moments that is up for debate most times I think. And I think it all depends on the context, setting and a whole other factors.

So yes, I agree he was 'nonchalant' in that moment on the couch. I think that's a fact not an opinion or theory. I don't think anyone is disputing that.

And since you didn't state any theory to counter my theory on that moment or explain why you think he was being nonchalant on the couch in that moment- unless you meant to say you believe he was nonchalant because he doesn't care about Jimin; I'm just going to assume you meant he was full on nonchalant in not posting for Jimin's birthday and to that my response is-

I think it's hightime you accepted JK doesn't hate Jimin.

This guy? Jeon Jungkook? You tried it. Lol.

I understand if you don't think Jikook are a couple and your comment is just to ridicule persons such as myself who believe they are a couple.

But I think it's a free world and I have the right to believe whatever I want to believe and I believe Jikook is real not because I believe them to be real but because they are real. Period blank purr.

'Jikook gay' 'Jikook married' lol.

You mentioned how JK withholding his affections for JM and how it will be JM's request. JM will never ask that of him:

First of all, I agree with you because I never said that. What I did say was JK not posting for Jimin on JM's birthday and how that would have been at JM's request.

I think you took that bit out of context.

For context that bit alludes to my theory on Jm's birthday saga and the subsequent seemingly less publicly displayed affections between them in the aftermath- from the Be official promos to the hits 97.3 interview straight to the Grammy reaction video and the Grammy VLive itself.

I think my general theory on all of that has been that Jikook was required to be 'professional' throughout the Be era because that project was a personal project for and by all 7 and Jikook couldn't monopolize the shine like they tend to do in official BigHit content- a theory I still stand by.

I think it's long been established that BTS since time immemorial would rather Jikook be kept a secret and have had moments where they had actively tried to neutralize, cover up and even physically stop Jikook from doing certain things that could potentially expose their relationship.

JK hugging JM at Mama 2019 being high on that list and the 2020 September 1st Vlive being the climax of such moments as their neutralization tactic had directly resulted in the entire fandom questioning the truthfulness of Jimin's utterances made that day concerning JK, with some crazy fans going as far as to call Jimin dishonest and a liar.

I fail to see how this same group would not find JK posting on JM's birthday objectionable. Especially since Jk hadn't posted for any member in a year. I said I felt JK posting for JM on his birthday would have been tantamount to outing their relationship and that wouldn't have sat well with the group including Jimin.

I also said, and it's a known fact, JK gives zero fucks about others' opinions of him and wouldn't mind at all posting for JM if it's something he really wanted to do. The decision then would be Jimin's to make because JK cannot out their relationship without his permission.

And I don't think Jimin would ask JK to out their relationship in that way. Not if it went against the interest and collective will of the group. He is the one who brought up the members complaining about JK not buying them presents on their birthdays during festa in the first place.

He is equally the same person who run to JK to inform him Jin wasn't too happy with him choosing JM's bag over his bag.

I don't think it's far fetched for me or anyone to think JM would actually worry about how JK posting for his birthday and not for the other members' on theirs would make them look bad or how that will impact the feelings of the members.

I don't think it's far fetched for me to think JM would worry about the backlash JK would have received from toxic fans and antis in the aftermath of such incident had JK actually gone through with it and posted just for him and not the others.

As for that Grammy reaction moment, like I said, I feel Jikook are required to keep things on a low and be professional in certain contents post dynamite era- for whatever reason.

If you think about the trouble, the hustle the members went through to try to keep Jikook a secret and not make their BB VLive about Jikook- the omissions and choppy narration that marked that Billboard VLive, I don't think it's a stretch to assume they had asked Jikook to 'keep it professional' in that Grammy video too, to not give fans reasons to make that moment about their relationship.

And if that was the directive given, by their peers nonetheless, then I think the choice would have fallen on JK and JM to obey it or not. And again, I believe the only reason JK will obey such directive is if JM wanted him to.

The fact JM was super excited and instinctively turned to hug JK but stopped himself and sat his ass right back down speaks his obedience to me and the fact he later decided to throw caution to the wind and go to his man for his hug but for the knee that got in his way- that speaks defiance to me.

Jimin can be bold and defiant sometimes...

Now I'm not going to share my thoughts on JK in this conversation because I don't want to come across as 'defending him' and making excuses for him- which is something I get accused off most of the time...

So now I ask you, do you still think all this is a stretch?

JK MAKES CHOICES AND WHEN PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT SUDDENLY IT'S JM'S CHOICE?

This... this right here.

I see what you mean and I get it. But how are you gonna say Jikook are a couple but then not expect them to act like a couple, make decisions like a couple, make choices for eachother as a couple or even expect us to treat them as a couple?

I don't understand.

'Jimin and I will sleep here'

Listen, I am a Jikooker. A KookMiner. I never think of Jikook as separate units. It's not in my vocabulary. I think and see them as a unit, a couple- one and the same. You are me. I am you. JM is Jk, JK is JM.

If JK makes decisions and choices, yes they are JM's decisions and choices too. If the members refer to them as a unit why shouldn't I?

That being said, I get what you mean. JM is always being scapegoated in this fandom. People will always look for an excuse to jump on him and I don't think that's right.

But I also don't think that is what I am doing here simply because there is no blame to assign in this situation. I keep saying JM's needs are as valid as JK's needs. JM is not wrong for his needs and neither is JK.

Couples do take eachothers needs into consideration when making choices and decisions. I don't think JK will make a decision of this nature without taking JM's needs into consideration.

I don't think he will 'nonchalantly' not post for Jimin without taking JM's needs into consideration.

Not after this.

'Jimin I'm sorry. You know my heart'

I think Jimin knows JK's intentions more than anyone. More than me, more than you.

At the end of the day, your opinion is your opinion. You are entitled to it as I am to mine.

Or maybe I missed the point of your Ask? I don't know but I hope this answers your question. Stay safe. Purple hearts.

Signed,

GOLDY

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gottawriteanegoortwo · 4 years

Text

Visitation - November 2020

A full year since your first visitation, you find yourself getting ready to meet Yancy in a different place in the prison. One hour. One ‘date’. How would it go?

Word Count: 1,949

Even if visiting Happy Trails Penitentiary once a month was a regular event at this point for you, it didn’t dismiss the butterflies that were fluttering in the pit of your stomach as you arrived with a rucksack. This, in a way, was the first ‘date’ with Yancy since you started your romantic relationship. Finding love as part of a volunteer project was not part of the plan, but now you couldn’t see this any other way. The letters that were sent back and forth were kept together in a folder in your room where they would be safe. A year let you see the little things that happened through Yancy’s writing: how it became easier to write letters that spanned several pages, how Yancy’s handwriting grew a little neater as the months passed, how he continued using the notebook paper and stationery you gave him. You were sure he could see the same in you. Maybe he’d notice the way you spoke more about your life (the good and the bad), or how you put care into your letters, even going as far as adding some doodles in the hope it’d make him smile.

You were in love, and there was no denying that.

The receptionist gave a knowing smile as she explained how conjugal visits went while a guard checked the contents of your bag. How obvious were the nerves, despite the fact it was the same thing as usual? There was a small apartment-like setup in a quiet wing of the prison. It consisted of an open space living room-kitchen combo, a bathroom, and a bedroom that would be locked (it was reserved for families that had to travel long distances for conjugal visits). The rules were rattled off: you and your possessions would be searched to ensure nothing suspicious was inside, cleanliness would be crucial, you would receive a half-hour warning, among other things.

“An’ above all, I don’t wanna hear y’all were up to any funny business.” The Warden’s sudden appearance made you jump. “I know you two’re fine, upstanding youths, but if I catch a peep of trouble, there’ll be a firm warnin’ given. I know that’s not gonna be th’ case!” He slapped your shoulder with an amused chuckle, and it took all your might to bottle up a wince. “I wanna wish ya luck. We’ve been running this here volunteer project for over ten years now, and this is only th’ second time a volunteer and prisoner started datin’. I’m happy for the both of ya. You’ve done more good for Yancy than anyone else. C’mon, I’ll bring ya down.”

As you were led to the conjugal room, Warden Murder-Slaughter began telling you how he noticed Yancy’s improved mood over recent weeks. The greaser had been working on bettering himself and engaging with classes. He had a reason to do these things thanks to you, the Warden surmised. He looked like he was going to say something else, but decided against it. You were suspicious at first, but you quickly realised you were approaching an open door. A voice could be heard from inside giving a warning of some sort, before an aggravated “Youse don’t need to remind me of this for the fifth time!” was snapped in return.

“Sounds like Yancy made it here first,” the Warden laughed as he pushed the door open. “An’ I’m sure he’s gonna be on his best behaviour. It’s a special day, right?” He smirked at Yancy, who was standing beside a coffee table. The prisoner’s response was a grumble and a hand rubbing the back of his neck. “We’ll leave ya alone. C’mon Smith.” The guard nodded and followed after the Warden, closing the door and leaving you two alone.

Even if Yancy was in his normal prisoner outfit, it looked brighter than before. Was it specially cleaned, or was it a new one just for the occasion? Then again, you had dressed up beyond your normal visitation clothes. Before anything could be said, you put your bag down and charged into his arms for a hug. It was immediately reciprocated as he pulled you close to his chest. It was better than any of the brief hugs you shared in greeting during previous visitation sessions. It was almost like you were home. A strange sentiment to feel, but it was the best comparison you could think of. He smelled like soap, with a faint lingering of smoke; and his embrace was warm.

“It’s good to see youse too.” Yancy eventually broke the silence, reluctantly pulling back just far enough to see your face. “Youse look perfect today. Can’t believe this is actually happening…” A thought that had crossed your mind many times today. It was likely why neither of you wanted to break the hug, but Yancy was the one who made the brave decision to end it so he could lift a small package wrapped haphazardly in toilet paper.

“I, uh, didn’t have no wrapping paper.” You insisted it was fine, and ripped it apart to reveal a grey prison cap. “I’ve been savin’ up money I’ve earned while working the cleaning shifts, and I know it ain’t much but I wanted to show that I do care an’ -” As he rambled, you unfolded the cap and put it on before kissing him on the cheek to cut him off. “O-oh. Looks good on youse. Thought it was better than something like a shirt. Huh? Oh, yeah. We can buy all sorts of little things like this in commissary. But youse gotta save up if youse don’t have a trust fund.” It did explain why he previously resorted to chocolate bars. You made a note to ask about that at reception afterward. For now, you plucked your bag off the ground and offered him a large bottle of soda.

“Fuck yeah, you remembered! Did youse get the chips too?” Your answer was to pull the snack out and playfully shake it. “Hold on, I seen bowls and glasses!”

Snacks and drinks were shared as you two curled up on the couch and chatted. It was definitely a better setting than the visitation room. Without anyone watching you, both of you could relax and be completely at ease. The only distraction was the half-hour warning, and that’s when you noticed Yancy seemed to close up a little. You playfully poked his side and pointed out that another conjugal visit could be arranged once the staff see today went well, but Yancy gave a quick shake of his head. He bit the inside of his cheek and glanced aside like he was trying to build confidence. Instead of encouraging him to talk, you took one of his hands in yours and squeezed it softly.

“Sorry. I ain’t trying to ruin the day. I just… Thought this would be easier than it is.” You were quick to assure him that it was okay, and he should take his time. It was appreciated. Yancy forced himself to take a slow breath before looking at you.

“I love youse. I have for months. I know that’s a bit stupid since we’ve been sorta dating most of the year, but I means it. And I wanna do what I can to show I’m serious ‘bout this. This ain’t no little fling, or me being nice to not hurt youse’s feelings. I love you, really. So I, well…” Another slow breath was taken to motivate himself. “I wanna apply for parole. You don’t deserve a boyfriend locked up in prison. I wanna be a better person for youse, the man youse should be with. It ain’t gonna be easy, an’ it’s gonna take a year or so to get things going but… If youse is okay with waiting, then I’ll do everything I can to prove I can try - try and be a good guy.” You felt your heart stumble over itself in surprise. You had been told a year ago how Yancy was a prisoner that would be happy to rot behind bars. Looking at him now, you couldn’t help but smile and promise you’d help in any way you could. “I just need to knows that you’ll be there. I had nothing worth living for out there before I met you and - and while life is pretty great in here, I wanna see your world.”

You hugged him tight. It was all you could do. His arms were around you in a flash as his breathing turned slightly shaky. No matter what, you’d be there every step of the way. He wouldn’t be alone when parole was granted. You’d be there, and you’d introduce him to your own friends and family. He’d have people who wanted to help him by his side.

“Even if I’ve killed people?” You countered whether he had the urge to kill anyone now. “No! ‘Course not! I’m not some creep who loves that kinda thing!” That was enough for you to support him, a fact that had Yancy pause in realisation.

“I ain’t a nice guy. I get angry pretty easily. I don’t know a lotta stuff, an’ I ain’t good at learning things.” Points, you argued, that weren’t important enough to end a relationship. Yancy was human. No one was perfect.

“Youse is gonna get some weird looks, dating a guy like me.” You could hear resignation in his voice at that. He was trying to talk himself out of this, not try and scare you off. Reinforcing the hug was your immediate response. No matter what, you’d be there. No one can truly look down on a man who is trying to do better.

“Y’know youse ain’t gonna be able to move out of the state, yeah? Not without a lotta paperwork.” At last, you broke into a giggle and insisted moving out of state was less important than living somewhere with Yancy there too. That was enough to help the doubts lift as Yancy laughed. “Yeah… I’d like that. You an’ me… It’d be nice, I bet.”

The last minutes were spent close together, talking about what the parole process was (you had to look it up online) and what would need to be done. It was a promising start to have Yancy feeling more confident. As he joked about how he’d challenge the parole board to a fist fight to prove his worth, you realised that it was something he did want to do. In a way, it was like you gave him the strength to look beyond the prison walls and wonder about the world that had turned its back on him years ago.

But before you could climb off the couch to get ready to leave, Yancy took your hand to keep you sitting. He looked you in the eye with a soft smile spreading on his lips. “Before we go, I, uh… I wanna do something first.” You trusted him, so you nodded to give permission. His free hand rested on your cheek as he leaned close and kissed you. It was gentle and brief, yet there was a trace of ‘thank you’ in the action. “We never properly kissed before now. Got a little carried away with all that chit-chat.” You grinned and returned the gesture. The love you had was mixed with excitement. A step had been made in the relationship, making it more official than before.

“Love you.”

A year can bring so many things, good and bad. Even when one year ends, the next can bring about its own excitement. It might be a long road ahead, but you were ready to take it on every step of the way.

---

And that’s a wrap! One full year of visitations! I did have fun working on this, but I’m glad to be finished. It’s entirely your decision how things go from here, but I’m sure it will be a happy ending.

Should you ever feel like reading the entire series in one go, head on over to my AO3, where I have it all ready and waiting!

#writersofmark #yancy x reader #ahwm yancy #yancy #Visitation day #final part hype!#it's cheesy; it's fluffy; but it's the final chapter and I can do what I like! >:D #(read-more is for tidiness! :D )#personal fave

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spikebhm · 3 years

Note

4, 5, 8, 9, 14, 18, 24, 32, 33? Thanks. Love your blog btw.

Oooh that’s a whole array of questions!! Thank you so much and thank you for the compliment, I aim to please!

Let’s get going then:

4. What made you start a gaining tumblr?

I started my blog somewhere around February or January of the year 2020, before the whole Pandemic started. It was mostly there to lurk around and follow blogs that I liked their content of. I had an account before but I neglected it for the most part until I closed it down. Now let’s jump towards the summer of 2020, the lockdown full in progress.

It was a mix of being in a lockdown and my search for social activity on the internet that wasn’t necessarily my bubble of friends or interests but also my deep dive into the whole fetish scene outside of a couple other sites that I was frequently on.

The more engagement I did, the more it became a thing that I was excited to share and soon it became a blog that a lot of you people started to like, dm me every day and just looked for a good conversation and that stuck to me the most, all the people who had a very positive effect on me so I decided to stay after what I started!

5. Tumblr crushes?

I reeeally don’t like to play favorites here, I do have a lot of crushes tho and if I were to start to list them, it might happend that I forgot about someone and that wouldn’t be really far, now would it? But people know who I have a crush on because I do comment on their blogs and notes so I will keep it that way. <3

8. What did you think about your “urges” before you discovered that gaining was a thing (we’ve all been there)

Hmm, to me feedism is a very cerebral experience. I’m a diagnosed autist and one of the many things that I discovered about myself is that my overworked brain doesn’t really allow me to have these urges or have reactions to things that might help create an addiction from it, I think both things are kinda aligned with each other because you create a sort of space for you to feel dependant of it if that makes sense. I can turn on my urges on and off like a switch. I can go full on horny and can turn it off in the act and leave my partner hanging. It’s a weird thing to explain but because my brain is so efficient at visualizing I don’t need a trigger to get horny if that makes sense! Brains are crazy!

9. What do you like most about this community?

I love how this space that I created for myself became a space of acceptance and curiosity, comfort and support. People have repeatedly expressed to me that they love that they are met here with patience, respect and openess for their interests as well as well informed opionion pieces on the feedism culture as well.

When they come here, they feel safe and accepted and so do I - and it is my duty and privilege to share that with everyone one of you!

14. How long have you been actively gaining?

I’ve been gaining for the last 8 years! It was a steady climb but it kinda picked up around the time I got into lockdown and by the generous support of some of my followers!

18. What is your goal in gaining (physically)?

As large as I still feel relatively comfortable (and maybe a bit more when I get into a dedicated relationship, that’s what my heart really wants <3) I can’t say what number that might be but we are talking a very hefty ssbhm size if that is any pointer. ;)

24. Eating while fucking (or being fucked)?

Oh. OH. OH ABSOLUTELY, SIR. Nothing get’s me going better then getting teased to be ridden and have food in my mouth. NOTHING. Best FOREPLAY ever!

One of my hottest fantasies is to be funneled while I get to doggy someone 🙈😏🥵

32. Your most intense fantasy gaining wise? Would you like to go for it IRL?

That would be probably the short story that I wrote, it’s called “Hyperfocus” and I really, REALLY want to try it out. I have very sharp and strong senses and I need them to dial down a bit. Stuffing is one way to shortcircuit my brain!

33. What is something you think you did right when it comes to your gaining lifestyle?

My experience as a chef and interest to research helped me create a gaining plan that is not so hard on my body. I do snack a lot, that’s true but all my food that I eat on the regular, even the gaining one, is healthy. I cook for myself. I probably have maybe take out 3 times a month, even less sometimes because I’d rather prep it on my own. It’s cheaper, more efficient and by far the healthies method to gain. You are already impacting your body and health, as well as your mood and mind so you need to take proper pre-cautions into gaining in my opinion. Now some people enjoy it the other way and that is totally legit. But my very rational mind can’t feel different about it. So this is the one lifestyle choice that I feel is well thought out and I am still thankful for not having feet that hurt or burning thighs and calves as well as an aching back! (Although my shoulders ache but that’s been there for more then 8 years lol)

Thank you SO much for the questions!!! Had a lot of fun with the and I hope you enjoy my answers!

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swiftlymoniquesblog · 4 years

Text

Safe House- Tom Felton x Reader: Chapter 2

A/N: Hello friends! I’m so sorry I haven’t updated anything in so long; life has been CRAZY! But guess what? Yours truly just finished up all her training at the Police Academy so I am now fully a 9-1-1 dispatcher (or 0-0-0 for my Australian friends or 9-9-9 for my UK friends!) In our spare time between calls, as long as we’re still available to take calls, we can do pretty much whatever we want so I hope that means I can still write and update! Unfortunately, I do have to work on Christmas Day this year but I’m still excited for the day!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday and I hope 2021 will be 1000000 times better than 2020! And don’t worry, this isn’t the last holiday update I have up my sleeve! ;)

Xxx M

Warnings: FLUFF, pining, longing, Tom being super adorable!

Word Count: 4,500

Previous Chapter| Holiday Masterlist| Masterlist of all Masterlists

Even though you believed you were going to be in some serious trouble when you got back to work, you were glad you stepped into that car. You were Tom's assistant and he requested your help in a task, so you weren’t really breaking any rules, right? And Tom said you were still working and that he would clear all this up with Mr. Harrington, so why were you still nervous? Was it because you left the property of your place of work still in the clock? Or was it because you were sitting with a rather attractive man inside his car and trusting that he wouldn’t try anything weird, like kidnapping you? Whatever the reason may be, you couldn’t ignore the feeling that you seemed to be taking a ‘leap of Faith’ with going with Tom, yet it all felt right. The subtle sound of Christmas music came from the car's radio and the heat from the vents provided a warming feeling deep within you. It surprised you to know that he had chosen to play Christmas music because you assumed with his schedule, holidays weren’t as important anymore. However, that proved to be untrue as a certain sparkle appeared in his eyes when he pulled into a parking spot, he jumped out of the car and rushed over to your side to help you out.

“Come on love, we have a lot to do if we want to make that tree look less sad!” He exclaims and tugs on your arm, much like a child would do with a parent. You laughed at the tall man, who beamed with a bright smile on his lips, as you struggled to keep up.

“What should we get first?!” He says, enthusiastically to you.

“Maybe more ornaments?” You suggest and his excitement only grows.

“Yes! And then we should get garland to wrap around the ornaments! And the presents!” He bounces on his toes, ever so slightly, but you notice it and think to yourself, how can a 33-year-old be this excited?

You follow him over to a section of the hobby store that was entirely dedicated to Christmas. Shelves were lined with garland, ornaments, lights, light-up statues, everything you could think of to make the holiday one to remember. Both you and Tom began pulling things off the shelves, anything to make his hotel room look more festive for his guests. A part of you wished you were able to be there to enjoy some of these decorations but you knew you were just ‘the help’ so you kept that thought to yourself. When your shopping cart was fully loaded to the rim, you decided to check out. Reaching into your purse for your wallet, you pulled out some cash but Tom put his hand out, indicating you to stop.

“Oh, don’t be silly love, I got this. This is my hotel room we’re decorating and this was my idea, so I’ll pay for it,” He says.

“Yeah, but it is my place of work so it’s only fair I pitch in,” you fight back but it proves to be useless when the total rings up and he already had a credit card inserted into the bottom of the reader.

“Maybe next time,” he shoots you a wink, causing your cheeks to redden before he slips the card out of the reader and back into his wallet. You help grab the bags and load them back into the cart as you head back out to the car. The drive back to the resort was quiet, aside from small talk, which was rather pleasant. Speaking with Tom in a quiet setting was beautiful and calming, something a lot of people don’t get to enjoy if you weren’t in his inner circle. A part of you was felt like any other fan, excited about being in an intimate setting with him, but the other part of you knew you were just doing your job. Gathering the bags in your hands, you follow Tom back into the hotel and into the elevator, where you two were forced to stand nearly squished against each other, thanks to a large number of guests flocking to the car before the doors shut. You felt your cheeks heat up at the close proximity you were to Tom but kept your lips sealed and your thoughts to yourself before the doors opened to the penthouse; everyone else left you sooner.

“Thanks a lot (y/n) for helping me with this. I don’t think I could’ve done it all alone plus it’s more fun to decorate with some company,” Tom says, as he sits the last ornament on the tree. He takes a few steps away from the tree, to take in the glorious sight before him, with you coming to stand beside him.

“It’s my pleasure and this tree looks so much better now,” you comment.

“I think it is because of you, my dear. You are the one who picked out the ornaments so you made this tree this beautiful. Beautiful people tend to make everything around them beautiful too; makes sense if you ask me,” he says, smiling softly at you, eyes glistening in the lights from the tree. His bluish-grey eyes turned another color as they reflected the lights, making him that much more attractive and leaving you in a trance of sorts. It felt like a scene from a movie; no sound, no movement, just you and him staring into one another’s eyes, until being saved by a ringing phone. He swallowed and slowly backed away from you before saying,

“I should probably get that.”

You couldn’t help but frown at his departure but you had to shake the sadness away; you still had a job to do. Looking to the bedroom, you saw him pace back and forth, obviously anxious about something, so you figured that you should go. Finding a scrap piece of paper, you scribbled on it before placing it on the coffee table in the center of the room and grabbing your belongings, leaving the room without him noticing. What am I doing? I work for the guy! How could I be so stupid as to think someone like him would be remotely interested in someone like me? I’m just a hotel worker; not even a fucking manager! You scold yourself as you sliver to the elevator and ride back down to the lobby, where about a dozen or so guests were waiting to check-in. Wishing you had your old job back, you stop to watch the guests wait to check-in, excitement and wonder coming from their faces. The children were why you chose this job. The look of their little faces was the purest form of innocence that you hoped they never lost sight of, but you knew that most of them would lose that wonder as they grew older. The magic of Christmas always fled from the youngest and truest believers as time went on and it hurt your heart. Why couldn’t Christmas be as magical for adults as it was for kids? Sure, the belief of someone flying over the world and delivering presents to every child in one night was gone, but what about the feeling? The excitement you would feel seeing the tree go up or the lights outside? How about all the traditions? When did that all go away and why did it have to?

----------------------֍------------------------------------

Tom’s POV

“Sorry about that, (y/n) that was just…” I let my thoughts trail off as I notice the emptiness of the hotel room and the piece of paper folded in half on the coffee table. I go to pick it up, feeling my heart race in my chest as I read;

Tom,

Thank you for today. I had a really nice time and I’m glad you’re happy with your room now. I forgot I…. had a prior engagement I said I would be at so I had to leave; hope that’s alright. I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning with some breakfast and you can give me a rundown on all your plans for the day. I am so sorry incredibly sorry.

Have a goodnight,

Y/N

I swallowed a lump that had appeared in my throat and crumbled up the paper. So that was it? She only saw today as a requirement for her work? Is that how she saw me? Just as her boss or something? Because she was certainly more to me than just a hotel worker or an assistant; I thought she could tell. Why couldn’t she have just come and talk to me if she had a problem? Did I say something that offended her? Did she not trust me? These questions and more haunted my subconscious as I sigh and get myself ready for bed. I turn off all the lights in the living room before going to brush my teeth. I take out my phone and open my photo gallery, quickly finding the photo of (y/n) I snuck. She looked absolutely beautiful as she was holding a light display, the colors and glitter from the decoration reflecting onto her face. It just slightly illuminated her delicate features and I remember I had sucked in a breath of air, as she had taken all of mine out of my lungs. I smile to myself as I thought back to that moment and now? She’s gone and I can’t imagine why. I decided just to go to bed and I figured I would come up with a solution to getting (y/n) back sooner.

The next morning, I woke up rather early to get ready for my friends. Daniel had called me last night before (y/n) and I…well whatever almost happened with us, is irrelevant now. Finally, after being stuck in Denver for 24 hours, he had called to tell me that he and everyone else were on their way to the resort. Somehow, the former “Golden Trio,” as they were infamously known as, all had no plans and were able to fly out to Colorado for Christmas. Now, we all knew how risky this trip might go, with all of us together around who knows how many fans are staying at the resort, but we hadn’t been together in nearly 20 years. I was glad to be having some of my friends with me again. Because when you work on a project with the same people, every year for 10 years, you gain friends for life.

“Tom, good to see ya, mate!” Daniel said, when I opened the door after hearing a knock on the door.

“Hey guys, glad you all could make it! So sorry to hear about such a delay, though!” I try to sympathize with my friends but I’m sure it fell on deaf ears because they shared a similar look of annoyance as if to say, “like you have any idea what we’ve just been through.”

“Well, it was certainly a nice, warm, welcome to the State of Colorado,” Emma said, sarcasm dripping off her tone of voice.

I smile sadly, trying to avoid further awkwardness, hugging the girl as I feel her sigh, tension dissipating from her muscles.

“Wow Tom, this place is so well decorated! Did you do this by yourself?” Rupert asked as he took in the festive environment of my room.

“Oh no, of course not. I’m not good at decorating at all! I had some help,” I say, smiling at the not-so-distant memory of decorating with (y/n).

“Wait, you hired someone?” Emma asked.

“Not exactly. The resort sent me a…personal assistant of sorts,” I try to explain to the three actors who just had blank expressions on their faces.

“Why would the resort send you an assistant?” Daniel asked.

“I’m not sure, she said it was because the resort wanted to offer their services 24/7,” I explain what reason (y/n) had given me.

“Who’s she?” Rupert asks a light of cheeky demeanor glistened in his eyes.

“Oh (y/n), my assistant,” I say, a grin showing itself on my lips.

“Wow, (y/n) what a beautiful name! She must be really special,” Emma said.

“She is and I’ve only known her for 48 hours. She’s supposed to be coming back today to help out but, now I’m not sure if she’s going to,” I frown, really not sure what was going to happen with (y/n).

I wasn’t quite sure what I felt for (y/n) but I knew I wanted to get to know her better and I wanted to make sure she knew she could trust me. Just then, there was a knock on the door. My heart drops, hoping it was her.

“Good morning, Mr. Felton. I’m here for whatever you need me to help you with,” (y/n) greeted me when I opened the door. What was she saying? I told her she could call me Tom; where is this Mr. Felton crap coming from. Oh, her note. Maybe this is what she was talking about. Maybe she thought she needed to stay professional whenever she was around me; was that why she left suddenly?

“Good morning, Miss (y/l/n). Yes, please come in,” I say, standing to the side so she could come in the room.

“Thank you, well I brought some coffee and a selection of our best food for breakfast from our…” She suddenly stopped talking and she seemed to be frozen in place.

“(y/n) are you alright?” I say, standing closer to her. She was looking directly at the “Golden Trio” that was currently sitting in the living room, chatting away. They all stopped and looked up at her, and smiled at her.

“Hello, you must be (y/n) Tom’s told us all about you,” Emma says, standing from the couch where she sat with Daniel, to shake (y/n)’s hand.

She still seemed to be in some sort of trance until she saw Emma’s hand extended to her.

“Oh yes, sorry, I got a lot on my mind. It’s really nice to meet you, Miss Watson,” (y/n) kept up with the politeness.

“Oh please, call me Emma. Makes me feel so old hearing my last name first,” She says as we all chuckled.

“Well Emma, this is an honor. I am a rather a big fan of your work,” (y/n) complimented.

“Oh, thank you, that’s so sweet,” Emma says, seemingly still not believing she’s as talented as people make her up to be. Sure, she knew she was a talented actress, but she was always humble about it, ever since we were kids. One of the many things people tend to love about her.

“Hey now, you never said you were a fan of mine!” I try joking with my assistant, her cheeks turning red as she avoided my eyes set on her.

“You didn’t ask,” she said, before greeting Daniel and Rupert and telling them how much of a fan of theirs she is.

“Hold on, is this like a Harry Potter reunion?” (y/n) asked, finally letting her guard down a bit.

We all starting laughing as the resort worker just stared at us.

“You can say that,” Rupert said.

“Wow, this is, how long has it been since the four of you have been together for more than just a day” (y/n) asked.

“A good twenty years. We’ve seen each other since then obviously, but in more than just passing than really spending time together. After the eighth movie wrapped up, we all went our separate ways. And considering I was getting into some trouble with fans back home, I decided to get away from all the craziness and I wanted to invite some friends to spend some time with me, so I wouldn’t be alone, you know?” I say, giving the whole background story so (y/n) could fully understand why I was here and why the “Golden Trio” was here, too.

I could tell, just by looking at her, that she was trying hard not to freak out; she really is a big fan, then. It was rather adorable if you ask me. She was biting the corner of her bottom lip, quite harshly too, and her eyes would bounce between the three actors around the fireplace.

“Well, the Harrington Ski Resort is thrilled to have all four of you here, but why did you make the reservation for ten?” (y/n) questions me.

“Well, we have teams of security so they all their own rooms, and then I have a few more friends coming tomorrow so I wanted to make sure everyone had their own space,” I explain.

“Alright, so what plans do you have for today, Mr. Felton?” (y/n) asks and I’ve about had enough of her formalities.

“Um about that, may I speak to you in private please?” I ask and she nods timidly.

“If you all would give us a minute, help yourselves to some food,” (y/n) says, just as a waiter came in the room with carts of food for everyone to share.

“What’s going on, Mr. Felton?” (y/n) said, when I shut the doors to the bedroom.

“First of all, please, just call me Tom. Second, I read your note last night; what was that about?” I go straight to the point.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tom.”

“Oh, I think you do (y/n). Yesterday was amazing; I haven’t had that much in so long and we seemed to have been getting on really well. And then we have…well I’m not sure what exactly happened in front of the fireplace but I wouldn’t mind that happening again. But then you just up and leave? And leave a note with a lack of proper explanation. Did I push you into something you weren’t comfortable with? Did I offend you somehow? If I did something wrong, please tell me, so we can try and work it out,” I say, almost pleading with her.

“No, it’s not that,” she says, pacing on the opposite side of the room than me.

“Then what is it? Do you not trust me? Are you uncomfortable being around me?”

“No, it’s not any of that!” She says, a little more frustrated than before.

“Then what?!” I say, just as she had.

“I can’t tell you,” she says, avoiding looking or getting close to me.

“And why not? I don’t understand why you left so suddenly last night or why you can’t even look at me right now,” I say, hearing my voice crack as I grew more desperate for an answer.

“Because how I feel about you right now, is going to get me in trouble. I felt something last night by the fireplace and I can’t allow myself to continue to feel like that. I am your assistant and while I’m here, that’s all I can be. I don’t know what I felt but I know it’s dangerous and I know I can’t keep feeling like that as long as I work for you. Mr. Harrington would surely fire me if he ever found out and I really need this job because I want to become something more than what I am right now. Do you understand?”

Wow, I definitely didn’t expect her to say that now. But she felt something between us last night too? And that’s why she left! She was scared of what she felt at the fireplace last night. I don’t blame her; I felt it too. But she needs to know she can allow herself to feel things.

“Look (y/n) I’m so glad you said something. I felt something last night too and it scared me too. I don’t know what that was either but I liked it and I want to feel that again. As for your job, I know this is so important to you, so I won’t do anything that would jeopardize whatever plans you have for this job; I promise. But, may I suggest something?” I ask and wait for her approval. She simply nodded.

“How about we don’t tell anyone about…whatever we may from this? I want to explore whatever last night was, but only if you want to of course. I think we should start off as friends, a little more intimate than just boss/coworker but I want to really get to know you before we decide to take anything further. Although, I don’t believe we’re going to learn anything about the other that won’t make us want to go further with a friendship, but just in case. How’s that sound?” I reason with her, nervous about how she was going to react. I figured with her confession of some feelings for me, she must agree with my idea.

“I think that sounds perfect, Tom,” she says, smiling up at me. I mirror her expression, finding a smile of my own.

“Would it be weird if I just hugged right now?” I ask, still unsure what to do with this, new information.

“Of course,” she says, slowly moving closer to me until she stood just inches from me. She craned her neck to look up at me. I slowly move closer to her, my arms making their way around her waist. She stood on her toes to grow a few inches higher so she could wrap her arms around my neck. I sighed, content with the feeling of her in my arms. She smelled like peppermint; it reminded me of a candy cane. Her skin was so soft and her hair was sprawled across my face but it didn’t matter. We stayed like that for a while, just staying close to one another and enjoying the warmth from the other until we felt completely content. Pulling away from one another, I smiled at her, her face showing the same happiness as mine had before she spoke up.

“I have a question and you can say no if you want.”

“You haven’t even asked it yet,” I say to her as she nervously wraps some of her hair behind her ear.

“Right, okay, well I wanted to see if maybe since Daniel and Emma and Rupert are here, could we watch some Harry Potter? I know it’s been a long time since any of you have seen the films, but I have so many questions to ask,” she says, pulling on her bottom lip.

“Well, I would love to answer all your questions but we’ll have to ask the others if they’re up for it,” I say fondly to her.

“Oh, wait, work. Do, do you need me to do anything for you?”

“What I need you to do is watch the Philosopher’s Stone with me and my friends,” I grin at her.

“As long as they say it’s okay,” she adds.

“Oh, I’m sure they won’t say no to you, much like I can’t seem to,” I admit, rubbing the back of my neck.

Her cheeks tinted pink, just a bit, but I caught it before it disappeared.

“What about work?” She asks.

“Well, I’ll talk to Mr. Harrington and tell him some chores I need someone else to do for me. I’ll make sure you won’t get in any trouble,” I say to the girl, who’s eyes just light up. I guess I was starting to make an impression on her.

“That would be amazing, Tom, thank you,” she says, coming to me for a second hug. It wasn’t as long as the first one but it meant just as much. They have just been hugs but for me and (y/n) it was our way of expressing our feelings for each other; it was perfect.

We walk back into the main living area where we see the “Golden Trio” deep in a conversation about what the last twenty years have been like.

“Hi guys,” Emma says, looking over to me and (y/n).

“Hi, so (y/n) here has something she would like to ask you guys,” I say, looking to my right to the girl who somehow grew more nervous than I’ve ever seen her.

“Sure sweetheart, what’s on your mind?” Daniel asked, bringing all the attention to (y/n).

“Well, I know you all are probably annoyed with all the questions you’ve gotten over the years about Harry Potter, but I was wondering if you all wouldn’t mind if we watched the first movie together? I have a lot of my own questions I would love to have answers too but if you guys don’t want to go down memory lane again, I completely understand,” (y/n) asks, rather quickly, but I think she still got her point across.

“You’re right, I don’t think any of us have seen those movies in such a long time, and yes, we do get kind of tired of all the questions. We still get asked questions about the film series, even after all these years. However, any friend of Tom’s is a friend of ours, and if you really want to ask questions as we go through the film, then I don’t see what harm that’ll do. It might be embarrassing for us to see ourselves twenty years younger than we are right now, but it might still be fun,” Daniel said, grinning at the other members of the Wizarding World around him.

(y/n) just squeals a bit in excitement and it surprised all of us. “Sorry, I’m just really excited to finally be able to ask all the questions that I’ve had for so many years,”

“Hey, it’s okay. And hell, it’ll be wild seeing ourselves so young. I bet we can still say a lot of the spells too,” Rupert added.

“Oh man, that was going to be one of my questions,” (y/n) said, frowning, before Rupert shot her a quick apology.

“Does someone have the films with them right now?” Emma asks.

“I do,” I say, walking over to the entertainment center that sat under the television.

“You travel with them, don’t you?” (y/n) teased.

“Of course, I do! You never know when you’re going to need to see these!” I say, proud of the work and character I did in those films. It launched a career for all of us and opened so many doors for so many other films or shows. We owe all our credit to our success as actors to those films and if it wasn’t for them, I don’t know what we would be doing now. I couldn’t speak for the others, but I was happy with being able to go back and watch the work we did for so many years, especially having so many people joining the fandom nearly 10 years after the last film was released. I will forever hold Draco in my heart and be grateful that people still respond to him, even in negative ways. I always laugh and apologize when people say they hate him and his attitude because he is the exact opposite of me and I still hope people stick around to know the real me.

Tags: @tloveswriting @angelinathebook @lunalovecroft @hobby27 @slutforfics @thinkinghardhardlythinking @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2

#Tom Felton #tom felton fanfic #tom felton x reader #tom felton x you #tom felton x y/n #daniel radcliffe #Emma Watson #Rupert Grint #slytherin #Gryffindor #Harry Potter #potterhead #pottah #hermione granger #Ron Weasley #HOLIDAY FLUFF #fluff #pining #longing

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belongtothewcrld · 4 years

Text

Just wanted to say a few words about those who made my year ~ (SORRY THIS IS LONG)

@idiot-juice-enthusiast - My sweet baby, where do I begin? I treasure you so much, I know I tease you a lot. BUT I am soo happy you decided to leave me an ask, despite you know, my stupidity. You are so funny and just, idk, BRIGHT. Maybe it’s because you’re still young or maybe it’s because you’re just a ball of light, idk. EITHER WAY. I am so thankful to have you in my life. When my friends slowly started leaving me in RL you were the first one who started to fill that void so like.... tHANKS. Happy New Year, my child! Love you!!

@haikyuufairy - My shooting star, oh gosh. You not only have made my year by being my friend but by blessing me with stories that really shake up my whole existence LMAO. You are incredibly talented, and I just wish the best for you. You deserve so much happiness and success. You’re a beautiful soul inside and out, and the whole world should know it! I want you to know that I really do mean everything I’m saying, because you deserve to be showered in love and compliments. and as long as you keep me around, I will remind you of your worth. >:) I love you, and happy new year!

@toikiwi - you peanut head, what should I even say to you. >:) You are very forgetful, funny and sweet. For some weird reason though you chose to care about me so deeply and for what??? I AM HORRIBLE. do I deserve your affection? probably not. BUT DO I APPRECIATE IT? yes. I never had a friend like you, and I’m really glad we met. ;-; you’re one of a kind. Love you and happy new year!

@alluringeternity - my bestiee. we went from you sending me asks, to watching movies on zoom like I think that’s a whole ass victory. despite our time differences, we make this friendship work and I think that’s sexy ;) I really love talking with you, I know you once thought I’d get bored of you BUT HAHA BITCH IT NEVER HAPPENED. you’re stuck with me forever. I can’t wait until we meet up so then I can cling to you for all eternity. :D MWAHAH love you and it’s not the new year anymore for you so like happy Jan 2nd or something idk LOVE YOU

@suna-r1n - lilyyy, my little duckie, my crybaby friend. I adore you, truly. I’ve never gotten so attached to someone so quickly until you LMAO. I mean I always loved when you would send me random messages but then we ended up talking much more frequently and honestly it was everything. You are so sweet and just... squishy. I’m really glad we became friends and started talking more, because you really are someone I cherish and want to protect >:) so be safe this new years eve, little shit! I love you.

@4fterh0urs - Pheebz you crazy ass ho. JK. You’re just crazy ;) But I respect it. You have made me laugh so many times from the shit you post idk you’re just cool, I GUESS!? You’re also v moral I FEEL? sometimes when everyone else is silent about shit that’s fucked you’re not and I really respect you for it. I feel like we’re similar in weird ways and I really love talking with you. I hope you have a great new years eve, bbs!! love youu.

@chaichai-the-weeb - my fellow Canadian!! I’m still pressed we haven’t met in RL yet but IT WILL HAPPEN!! I’m really glad I ended up messaging you when you left tumblr awhile ago, because now I feel like we’ve become such good friends. ;-; You and I don’t have the best track record with friends but HEY at least now we have each other? It’s amazing though how quickly we went from strangers to good friends LMAO our personalities really work. <3 I know you’re spending today watching anime lol so ENJOY IT. I love you and happy new years!

@haikyuusimp91 - my law school buddy ;-; You not only support the fuck out of my stories but you are an amazing friend. anytime I have law school worries you’re always there for me and I love it so much. I appreciate all you do, even if I don’t say it enough! you put up with me and my psycho ass and honestly idk how you do it BUT I’M GLAD YOU DO. I really hope this year treats you better because you fucking deserve it all. I love you a lot, missy ;-; Sometimes I feel like you’re the older sister I never had - BUT LIKE DON’T BE WEIRDED OUT OK DFGHJKL love YOU BYE (AND HAPPY NEW YEAR)

@aquariarose - my little bodyguard. I have never met anyone with a heart like yours. gold. you are fucking GOLD. at first when we didn’t talk much, I would love whenever you talked about my stories with me. because you always seemed so happy about them and it would make my whole day!! I love talking with you daily and hearing about your life, because honestly girl you living in a shoujo manga LMAO. GO GET YOUR MAN OKAYYYYY hahah I love you sm!! I hope you have a great new years!

@bloody-bella - BELLA OH BELLAAAA, MY SWEET BELLAAAA. hi. :D can I start off by saying you have a cute af voice? like excuse? okay back to the point, YOU. your support is why I was able to finish my stories TRUST ME. your little cute comments and asks, it gave me the courage to * write * LOL. I’m so glad that you joined my among us game and started talking with me more ;-; because I really do wanna get to know you more!! I feel like we may lowkey be twinsies in odd ways ;) BUT I hope you have a lovely new years eve my love!! <3

@yourstarvic - vic the hoe ho. somehow you went from this funny girl with a CRINGE ass UN to one of my good friends?? Your support for my stories has always meant so much to me. I’m always looking forward to hearing your thoughts and listening to you scream about shit LOL. I’m glad we started talking more, because I love your company. Even when you’re telling me something weird af or being horny for NO ASS REASON. You’re a weird one but I love ya. Have a happy new year!

@nerdyphantomlady - my angel of music! you are sucha joy. I adore you so much. I’m really glad that I started talking with you more because you’re sO DAMN CUTE. talking with you melts my heart because you’re just this small ADORABLE BEAN WHO I LOVE. I know you don’t understand iT BUT I AM RIGHT. I know you’re worried about your test coming up but I know 2021 is gonna be your year! MWAH. I love you and happy new year!

@pha2nt0m - gOSH I just need to tell you that you were the reason I was able to finish “let’s do it again” your support means the world to me!! you’re so damn sweet and supportive like idk what I would have done without you??? so thank you so much. I really hope this new year brings you happiness, success and good health!! <33

@newfriendjen - Jen, I love you WHAT THE HECK. You were one of my first followers, in the early days ;-; and you supported me with your whole heart and I CAN NEVER SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH. The thing that I love about you is that you’re not one of those cocky asshole writers who think they’re god’s DFGHJ like you are kind, supportive of others and talented? like SHIT??? you deserve everything because you are the whole package!! you are honestly the ideal - AAAH. I love this new year brings you love and happiness!! <3

@sugawarabby - my lovely, we’ve spoken only a handful of times but each time meant a lot to me! you’re a true delight and I really wish you the best for the next year. I know 2020 wasn’t the best for you but you deserve a happy, love-filled 2021. MWAH. <3

@vicassa - my love, you and your support to my stories is unmatched. I know you think that spamming me would bother me but it never did! I loved talking with you and hearing about your days. when you’re less busy, come talk with me again, hm? Because I loved talking with you. You’re a sweet sweet little bean and I adore you so very much. ;-; But happy new year!!

@hyskoa1998 - hi my love. our schedules rarely match up but I always loved reading your reactions and talking with you ;-; I hope we can talk more this year because I really do wanna be your friend IF YOU WILL HAVE ME. But happy new year! I hope it’s an amazing one.

@tsukkismamagucci - your comments on every single smau - GOLD. everything you post is just so funny or accurate!! everytime your name popped up in my notifications I would be so excited!! or whenever you sent me asks my heart would make some weird ass noises. ;-; so thank you for being so wonderful. I love you and happy new year!!

@kara-grayson04 - one of my first friends on here, and a whole ass little fighter! Thank you for supporting me in my early days on my writing account and for spamming me with funny stuff! you’re someone with a bright future ahead of you and I really wish you the best for 2021!

@chibishae34 - MY OIKAWA PROTECTION SQUAD BUDDY. I have told you this before but again, you are too good for this world and me. I can’t believe you’ve been here since my first smau and it took me so long to start talking with ya. :( that’s my regret for the year. I wish we started talking sooner because you’re sucha joy. thank you for being the amazing person you are though, your support and friendship mean so much to me. I hope you have an amazing 2021. MWAH.

@chocolaterumble - you’re not even on tumblr anymore eh? BUT when you see this, know that I appreciated everything you did for me and our conversations. you’re a kind idiot who really needs to develop a backbone. :)) I say that in the nicest way possible :* Just know 2021 is YOUR year, so make it your bitch. you can have the whole world if you try putting your effort into things that matter. just learn to believe in yourself, aLRIGHT? because you’re fucking awesome.

@dope-squish - one, wHERE THE HECK ARE YOU? I hope you’re okay and safe. ;-; I miss you. it’s not the same without youuu. who else will make my day with funny reactions and memes? but for when you do read this, thank you for being...you. You are so unique, funny and just talented. idk. you’re spectacular like spiderman. thank you for being my friend and supporting me. I hope the new year treats you well. <3 love ya!

@swoonhui - my silly love! thank you for supporting me through it all and trusting me with your troubles. I always love seeing messages from you or asks, because you really are wonderful and likeee I WANT TO PROTECT. haha. I hope you’re having a safe and happy new years eve, missy!! Stay happy. I love you.

@astronomyturtle - shout out for being one of my first supporters and for being a full on badass!! hahaha. no but really. you are amazing, and I really want to thank you for everything. you supported my shit stories and my good ones, and that really means so much. I hope you have a great new years!!

@dreamstormings - hellooo, I just wanted to thank you for your support. it means sosososo much to me. and regarding the stuff we talked about recently, everything you said just demonstrates what a wonderful person you are. thank you for ... existing >:) and happy new year! <3

@rajablast - hii, I just wanted to thank you for always sending me kind and sweet asks ;-; it really means a lot to me. I hope you have an amazing new years eve or new years day!! <3

@elianetsantana - hii. ;-; I know we only started talking recently but it made me really happy so pls don’t be weirded out by me adding you here. <3 I hope in the new year we can talk moree! because you seem super lovely. ;-;

#JAN RAMBLES #also there are others I should have tagged but my brain went empty

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duggardata · 4 years

Text

Oh [Rainbow] Baby!

Here’s The Data on Josie’s 2nd* Pregnancy

Back in August of 2020, Josie (Bates) + Kelton Balka lost their 2nd Pregnancy, while recovering from COVID–19 infection. Josie had been due in Early March 2021. Now, they’re expecting yet again, and due in June 2021. Speaking with Us Weekly exclusively, Josie said—

“We are so filled with gratitude and we couldn’t feel more blessed and more in love with the thought of being parents again! Though there are still fears, concerns and uncertainties, we are taking extra precautions and praying diligently for the safety of our new little one. So far, we are all healthy and baby is developing perfectly. We are overjoyed start this new year with such happy news and are beyond thrilled to become a family of four.”

The Balkas’ Firstborn, Willow Kristy (b. 7–19–19), will be just shy of 2 Years Old when Balka #2* is born.

Full data analysis... After the jump!

Early, Late, or What?

Early. After Josie miscarried on August 20, 2020, the Predictor assumed that Loss of Balka #2—Birth of Balka #2* would be 448 Days (or, 15 Months)—i.e., the Average Post–Loss Child Spacing, across all Predictor Families. (Note—I don’t use couple– or family–specific data, due to an inadequate sample size.) Based on that, along with their Timing Data (Pregnancy Announcement / Due Date vs. Delivery), here’s what was forecast for Balka #2*—

Baby News June 8, 2021

Due Date November 17, 2021

Projected DOB November 11, 2021

Doing the math, Balka #2*’s Announcement is 154 Days Early (~5 Months)—and, with a Due Date in June, his or her Projected DOB is similarly early.

Approximate Due Date

Currently, all we know is that’s in June 2021. As usual, I’ll deal with this simply be using the mid–point of the month, rounded up—i.e., June 16, 2021—for the time being.

Also, it’s worth noting... If Josie is due on June 16, 2021, then she announced this pregnancy at exactly 118 Days Along. By happenstance, Josie + Kelton’s 1st Pregnancy Announcement (Willow) also occurred at 118 Days Along. Sort of a weird coincidence, maybe!

Projected Sex / Name Reveal

With Willow, Josie + Kelton did a Name / Sex Reveal at 161 Days Along—i.e., Exactly 23 Weeks. Assuming, as the Predictor does, that they’ll do the exact same for Balka #2*, that puts the Sex / Name Reveal on February 17, 2021.

I’m getting the sense that “I Love You Day” might be busy this year...

Projected DOB / Spacing

Josie delivered Willow 6 Days Early. (Josie’s Due Date was July 25, 2019, and Willow arrived on July 19, 2019.) Assuming, as the Predictor does, that Balka #2* will also arrive 6 Days Early, the Projected DOB is June 10, 2021.

With that Projected DOB, and a Prior Loss Date of August 20, 2020, Balka #2* will have a Child Spacing of ~294 Days (9 Months). This is a Post–Loss Child Spacing, so it doesn’t impact Procreative Pace (Average Spacing); however, it does factor into the Average Post–Loss Spacing, which brings us to...

Effect on Various Data Sets

Post–Loss Spacing. After a loss, a Predictor Couple’s next Child Spacing is automatically set at the Predictor’s Overall Average Post–Loss Spacing, which was 448 Days (SD, 118 Days, up until now. Factoring in Balka #2*’s ~294–Day Spacing, the Average Post–Loss Spacing moves to 439 Days (–9 Days). The Standard Deviation (SD) also moves slightly, to 120 Days (+2 Days), indicating slightly less consistency in the data.

Josie + Kelton’s Pace / ESOQ. Post–Loss Spacings, like Balka #2*’s, are not factored into a couple’s Procreative Pace (Average Child Spacing). As a rule, a couple’s Procreative Pace is an average of all their Non–Firstborn, Non–Post Loss Child Spacings. (Note—A ‘Post–Loss’ Spacing immediately follows loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. Spacing that occur after a loss, but not immediately after—e.g., Balka #3, assuming Balka #2* is a Live Birth—aren’t deemed Post–Loss Spacings.) For Josie + Kelton, they actually only have one qualifying data point... Their ~587–Day Theoretical Willow–to–Balka #2 (March 2021) Spacing. Their Procreative Pace was and still is 587 Days (No Change) (~19 Months).

As for their ESOQ, it’s actually theoretically possible that it could change, even with their Procreative Pace remaining the same, since they were early for Balka #2*. Theoretically, if they were really, really close to being able to squeeze one more pregnancy in before their Fertility Cut–Off, that earliness could make one more pregnancy possible, and increase their ESOQ accordingly. However... It didn’t happen here. Josie’s pregnancies all shifted forward a bit—but, she and Kelton still only have time to produce 16 Children (No Change).

Total GrandBateses. Since Josie + Kelton’s ESOQ didn’t change, the Total # of GrandBateses also didn’t change. It remains 262 GrandBateses.

When to Expect Balka #3

Based on all the data, here’s what the Predictor now expects for Balka #3—

Baby News August 15, 2022

Sex / Name Reveal September 27, 2022

Due Date January 24, 2023

Projected DOB January 18, 2023

Here’s to hoping Josie has a healthy and safe pregnancy.

#pregnancy announcement #balka 2 #josie and kelton #post loss spacing

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palbabor-writes · 4 years

Text

Phantasma

Character: Tenko Shimura/Tomura Shigaraki-centric

Warnings: Blood, gore, spoilers for post Overhaul/My Villain Academia, ghosts, past demons, angst

Word Count: 4612

It feels like someone is dragging an icy finger down his back. Startled, he gasps and turns, his eyes scanning the darkness. His heart is pounding in his chest. He doesn’t like the sensation. It makes him feel lightheaded.

There’s nothing there. It’s just the blank white wall that greets his frantic gaze.

Not that walls stopped them. No, they weren’t confined to the usual physical boundaries anymore. They often came to him when he slept. Once, he’d felt their hands against his mouth, cold, wraith-like fingers trying to smother him from existence.

He didn’t blame them.

Notes: Welcome to angst city. I went for a different writing style in this fic. It’s a little unconventional with dialogue and narrators. This is my first real offering for Halloween 2020, so lemme know what you think! Not beta edited, so any and all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Phantasma phan·tas·ma /fan-taz-muh/ noun, plural an apparition or specter.

Tenko wakes to a dark room.

He’s forgotten to leave his side lamp on again. There are no windows in the part of the compound that he now calls home. There are hardly any windows at all, save the two frosted panels that flank the front entrance. Small hands reach out into the inky blackness. He’s about to flip the switch of his light when he realizes his gloves aren’t covering his fingers. Instinctively, he flinches back, his fingertips curling into his palms.

He’s accidentally destroyed three lamps in the last 18 months. Sensei always says it doesn’t matter. Focus on honing your skills, Tomura, he’d say. Everything else is just excess. Mindless noise that doesn’t matter.

Tomura.

It still sounds strange to Tenko. He can’t get used to it. Sensei had told him it meant, “to mourn.” They used it at funerals or when you were remembering the dead. It made him shiver. He didn’t like it.

No, it’s not that.

He was scared of it. It felt more like an omen than a name. But whenever he remembered...no...think about something else, Tenko.

Ok... ok, what can he distract himself with.

He snags his gloves from his bed, pulling them over his trembling digits. A hand lifts to scratch under his eyes. His fingers fit into the grooves of his irritated skin, tugging.

Alright. Come on, Tenko, think…

His eyes flash around the cold room. He still hasn’t turned on the lamp, so there’s no light to protect him.

Hurry.

He has to think of something else. If he doesn’t, they’ll come back. He doesn’t like it when they come back. They’re always angry, always shrieking at him.

Their voices are hollow, distant and dampened. They get weaker in the daylight. But the room is dark now.

It’s not safe.

Um, er, other things, other things. It’s been four years. Yeah, that feels about right. Sensei told him that his ninth birthday had passed the other week. So, it must be April. He always liked April. Not just because it’s the month of his birth. No, he likes the smell. April smells mossy, earthy. Things are growing again.

He’d told his Sensei this once.

Sensei just laughed. It was a strange sound. Sensei didn’t laugh much. At least, not for pleasure. His laughs were more like barks of sound. Sometimes they made Tenko shrink back. This laugh differed from the others. It sounded genuine, amused.

It’s the semiochemicals, he’d told Tenko. Organisms produced them.

(What’s that? Tenko had asked, eyes bright. Sensei had replied that organisms were things. Tiny, tiny things that connect everyone. Oh, Tenko had muttered, not really understanding, but wanting it to seem like he did. He was nine now. He should know more than he did at eight. That’s how life worked. Everyone knew that.)

Anyway, his Sensei continued, expanding on his original reply, semiochemicals create a smell. That smell is what Tomura liked. It was a simple chemical reaction, nothing more, nothing less.

Sensei fixed him with a hard stare then, one brow lifted, waiting. Tenko had gulped and looked away. He should ask his questions one at a time. Sensei, always foreboding, always watchful, didn’t like when he pestered him.

Pestered means to interrupt, to annoy. Tenko didn’t want to be seen as annoying. No, his Sensei liked him more when he just said yes. He’d gotten his third figurine that way. It wasn’t his favorite hero, but it was still a gift. We say thank you to gifts and don’t ask for more.

That’s weird. How did he know that? That wasn’t a lesson he’d learned from Sensei... where had he…

Things feel hazy when he tries to look into those, other, thoughts. They would filter in at the strangest times, pulling at him, nagging. It was like looking through the frosted glass that was beside the front door of the compound.

He couldn’t quite see what was happening beyond the thick surface. If he squinted, or pressed his face close, it would just hurt. No, it’s better to leave it alone. He would feel sick to his stomach if he didn’t.

A shiver echoes up Tenko’s spine.

There’s nothing there. It’s just the blank white wall that greets his frantic gaze.

He didn’t blame them.

But not blaming them didn’t mean that he liked their visits. No, he hated when they slipped in. His heart would slam against his breastbone those nights, his eyes closed, twitching under his eyelids. He couldn’t move. Whenever they came, it felt like there was a pressure on him. It pushed against his stomach and chest. He couldn’t even scream.

He would be transported back to that dark alleyway, the rain a dull sting on his skin. He felt so, so heavy that night. It didn’t help that Sensei requested he wear them. They were cold, clammy. He could feel them through his long-sleeved shirt. One was even covering his face. He didn’t like that. But Sensei had insisted, so Tomura had obeyed.

Tenko had met the men before.

They had laughed and shoved him down, the stench of alcohol rank on their breath. They were wild, angry and nasty. He hated them in that moment. Hated them so much that he wanted to reach out and...no. Tenko looked away. Bad things happened when he touched others. They would shift, skin sloughing away, blood splattering, their screams...stop...no, don’t let him, please, make it-

STOP IT.

He’d ran. Scrabbled back to his feet, his shoes pattering against the wet pavement, his throat clenching and unclenching. He felt like he was going to hurl.

He had hurled as soon as his Sensei let him back into his room. Sensei was perched on his bed, his hands folded patiently in his lap, his eyes dark and clouded.

What do you want to do? He’d asked Tenko. It surprised him that Sensei could even hear his answer; he hadn’t even been able to hear himself croak it out. No, Tenko was too busy kicking at the floor, his legs flailing, tears and snot running down his face.

But, whatever he’d said, it made his Sensei smile. Tenko liked when he smiled. It felt like something special that only he could see. Something that was just for him. He wanted another; he wanted more. Maybe he’ll even stroke his hand down my hair. Sensei does that sometimes, his fingers warm against Tenko’s battered skin.

So he’d reached out. He’d grabbed the first thing he could and smiled as it shattered to pieces under his touch. See? See, Sensei? Look at me, I’m being good. Please, please, just want me...

He regretted that impulsive smile of his as soon as they fastened the hands around him. They made him feel too much. They created a high pitched buzzing in his mind and he had to swallow so much spit, so much bile, that his throat protested the dull ache of it all. But Sensei was adamant.

Do your best, he’d said and ushered him back to that alleyway, promising he’d be watching.

The men hadn’t liked his renewed presence. No, they screamed at him, their voices grating, making him wince. One even threw a bottle at his feet, the glass smashing against the street, fragments cutting into his ankles. Tenko wanted to run again, but Tomura had another idea. Tomura wanted something darker. Besides, Tomura reasoned, Sensei will like us more if we do this.

He could barely see where he was reaching, one lone eye peering into the night, the red flashing. Ah, there’s his face...

The man’s skin was hot to the touch. It felt nice. It was a polarizing difference. It made the rain feel icy and brittle. The man’s blood was hotter still, steaming against the asphalt as it seeped into the hungry ground. His friend stammered and stuttered, but Tomura was already clasping his tiny hand over his mouth, silencing him one last time.

Tenko’s barren room was filled with trinkets after that night. He’d even been gifted a computer. He wasn’t sure how to operate it. Books upon books were piled on his shelves. Sensei had even found out what hero toys he’d owned once. They sat, gleaming and new, their smiles beaming down at him from the shelf.

Sensei had told him he was reborn and then he had given him his new name. It was more than Tenko, no, Tomura had ever expected. But it still wasn’t enough. He wanted to ask for something else. He didn’t know how to say it. No, that’s not true. He knew. But how do you ask someone like Sensei for a hug? He hadn’t given him one of those in months.

Tomura didn’t care about the toys. He didn’t want the books or the computer. No, he wanted...it sounded so stupid. Tenko had cried about it later, his white hair pillowed in his arms, shoulders shaking. The lights were off and he was sitting in his bed, his tears staining the sheets. He drifted off fitfully, his covered nails pressing crescents into his palms. He should have stayed awake.

It was the first night they came to him.

They were quiet. They hadn’t been like that in life. No, in life they were brash. But they still smelled. Now it was tainted with something else. They smelled like copper, something metallic and rancid with decay. It stung his nose and made him quake.

They were mean. Their hands were sharp, prodding, poking, gnawing and biting into his fragile skin. They would tell him things.

You know he doesn’t love you. No one does.

We’ve seen what you’ve done, Tenko. You’re a murderer.

You’re a monster. We should put you down like the stray you are.

Your mother never loved you, she couldn’t even protect you. She didn’t want to. Who protects an abomination like you?

Your sister never liked you. She wanted you to get in trouble. Why put yourself out on a limb for a creature like you?

You deserved every single hit you got, you little beast-

Stop, stop it, STOP!

All Tenko could do that night was shake. He couldn’t move, but he could feel. And he felt every slander, every bit of vitriol and malice that they spewed. The wraiths drifted above and below him, their voices so clear, so crystalline that he could hear every word, every syllable. There was no room for misunderstanding.

They hated him as he’d hated them.

Tenko gasped and shook while Tomura railed against his chains, his teeth white, bared against the threat.

Who cares? Who cares? Who CARES? They’re dead. They don’t matter, Tomura bites out.

They didn’t deserve it, Tomura, Tenko reminds him. They didn’t know. I just wanted Sensei to be proud, to be happy with me.

Tomura laughs. Sensei is happy, you idiot. They don’t matter, nothing does. You know what they’re saying is right. You just can’t put the pieces together.

What?

Yeah, all that shit about your mom? She didn’t care. She never tried to stop him. Not really. Not in a way that mattered.

Shit’s a bad word, Tenko scolds. You’re not supposed to say it. No, stop saying that. My...my fam-

You can’t even get your ugly little mouth around the word. How stupid. You’re too dumb, Tenko. Don’t you remember what you did?

Did I...did I-I k-kill...no. A villain attacked.

Is that what happened? A big, bad villain came? Those men sure did go down easy. All you have to do is touch them, Tenko. You sure your family didn’t go down the same-

STOP.

Tenko woke screaming, his gloved hand clutched at his throat. He’d sat on his bed, eyes wide, lips trembling for the rest of the night. He hadn’t known an undisturbed rest since. No, now they were always waiting in the darkness, seeping into the cracks of his broken mind, feeding off his whimpers and cries.

He didn’t mean to...no, no, that’s not right. He had meant to kill them. As the years wore on, as his Sensei taught him new things, it was getting harder and harder to not slip into Tomura.

Still alone in his bedroom, Tenko shakes his head from all his memories, lowering his gloved hand from his face.

He needs to turn on the lamp. The light will keep them away. Carefully, he flicks the switch, his middle finger arched into the chilly air. The glow fills his tiny space, illuminating his shivering and crumpled form. His red eyes rove over his meager possessions. His toys are still sitting, gathering dust on that shelf. The computer is switched off, the tower humming comfortingly into the silence.

The whole compound is silent. He hasn’t seen his Sensei in days. That wasn’t an unusual occurrence. No, Tekno is often alone for a good part of the week. Still shaking, Tenko slings his legs over the bed, pressing his cold feet to the floor. He pads over to his bedroom door, turning the knob and peeking his head around the corner.

The hallway is dark, the only light coming from the overhead bulbs that shine weakly from the ceiling. His stomach rumbles and he steps out into the silence, his bare feet the only sound that reaches his buzzing ears.

Tenko’s not sure where the compound is located.

He knows it must be close to Tokyo. His Sensei always talks about his dealings in the city and how he likes to be close to the heart of things. He had told Tenko it was easier to get a read on occurrences, plots, and attacks when he could see from a higher vantage point. Tenko had nodded sagely, but he had to look up the word ‘vantage’ later.

Oh, yeah, he thought, his finger tracing the ink of his dictionary, that makes sense. Having a good view would be nice. It’s better than being below something.

Tenko slouches into the main room. It’s brighter in here. A pale light streams against those foggy glass panels. It refracts, scattering across the wood floors and tickling up his feet, the warmth cloying and distant. The heat of the light makes him pause, his eyes glancing to the heavy door that seals him away from the outside world.

Tenko can hear something sloshing against the metal. It sounds like rain. Unthinkingly, he steps toward the hulking frame. It’s a heavy slice of gleaming alloy. The metal of the door is reinforced and bolted. He’s been told to never step outside without strict permission. Tenko stops, his eyes narrowing, the red of his irises sharpening under the dim sunlight. He thinks through his options.

Sensei has already been away for days. Chances are, the mission he mentioned would take a few more. If he’s going to push at the rules, now is as good a time as any.

Sensei had told Tenko about his mission before he left.

I have found you a more permanent companion, Tomura. He can help you with your quirk. It will grant us more control over your more impulsive urges. You’re still destroying things you don’t mean to. He can help stop that. We’ve been monitoring him for a while. All that remains is to gather him up. It shouldn’t take long…

Tenko liked the thought of a companion. It was another word he’d looked up. But having someone around that he could spend time with sounded... nice.

Tenko glances over his shoulder. All is quiet, there’s no one here. Sensei could be gone for days. He would never even know about him going outside. Tentatively, he lifts a gloved hand to the first lock. Oh, wait. Tenko looks down at his bare feet. He’d need his shoes to go outside. Ah, there they are.

His hands pull them from the shoe rack by the entryway genkan. They’re red. He likes them. He’d specifically asked for the color and his Sensei had shaken his head. They would be flashy, he warned. Tenko didn’t care. He liked how they gleamed under his dark clothes. Still admiring their verdant shade, Tenko slips them over his cold toes, tapping them against the floor to ensure they were on all the way.

Ok, now he’s ready.

The lock of the entry door slides back, and the noise is as loud as a gunshot to his ears. Tenko shrinks away, his head low, eyes searching the other hallways, waiting for the inevitable horror of discovery.

There’s nothing.

No one is coming. No one is reprimanding him. His hand slips to his neck again, covered nails scratching into his skin. He feels torn, his heart is beating rapidly against his ribs. Bad things happen when he disobeys. He knows this. But he’s not sure how.

Sensei has always told him to do his best. He’s never said that bad things happen when he doesn’t listen. Come to think of it, he’s never really punished Tenko either. He’s been disappointed, his face a grim line above him, but he’s never...

Tenko scratches harder, his neck burning under his frantic pulls. No. That warning is from something else. It’s from something that he can’t see. If he just…

His lip stings and the scar that runs across his chapped skin feels white hot. Gasping, Tenko lifts a few shaking fingers to the broken gash, trying to feel for the ache. It stops as soon as it starts. He’s still for a long moment. He doesn’t want to remember again. No, he just wants to go outside.

Mind made up, he reaches for the final lock. Again, it’s loud, the bolt echoing around the vast complex, rattling along the walls. He’s not going to stop now. He wants this, and Sensei did always stress the importance of not letting his fears impede his wants.

The door groans open, the metal rasping, screaming against its hinges. Tenko winces again, his nose wrinkling against the clamor, his eyes clapped shut. He presses the door a little further, and then, finally, it’s over. The door shudders once more and there is blissful silence again. Tenko’s hand is pressed flat against the metal, his touch trembling, fingers lifting away at the foreign sensation. He’s still waiting for that imaginary scolding when it hits him.

It being a soft whoosh of fresh air. His nostrils flare and he lifts his chin, letting the damp rain press against his face. His eyes pop open and his lips lift in a smile.

It’s raining.

It’s raining, and he’s standing in an open doorway for the first time in months. He shivers and breathes in deep, his eyes lingering over the sights that are before him. The smell is heavenly. It’s that same mossy, earthy, fresh, alive smell that he’s always loved. It clears that buzzing in his mind and everything else whirring inside him. His distant anger, those feelings of inadequacy? They are shushed to a low whisper. He can breathe.

The world is slate grey. It mirrors the inside of the compound, but Tenko steps eagerly into the wet, his bright red shoes blazing as he steps into the shallow puddles. He looks up at the stormy clouds; the rain makes his skin throb. He doesn’t mind. It helps to dull that odd itch that still lingers against him. He’s been having trouble with it again. It’s a place he can’t reach. Maybe if he asked Sensei, if he could ask to come outside a little more it would-

“What are you doing?”

Tenko gasps. He’s trembling, alarmed and shrinking back, pressing against the doorway. His feet catch on the concrete and he tumbles to the ground. It hurts. His legs feel like they’re on fire. He’s not sure if he’s angry, or embarrassed, or scared...maybe a little of each? His mind feels too jumbled to think straight. Is he in danger? Should he-

A small hand is reaching for him and Tenko finches away, his eyes finally lifting to see who is stupid enough to touch him. It’s a boy. He’s young, likely about his own age. His eyes are a rich chocolate brown, the irises almost indistinguishable from the pupils. His hair is dark, clinging wetly to his forehead. He looks sweaty and his cheeks are round, friendly. The boy, whoever he is, isn’t laughing at his clumsiness. No, he looks worried, his brows knitted.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“I’m not scared,” Tomura snaps. “Don’t touch me.”

“Oh, sorry,” the boy says again, his warm hand tugging back. “Are you... um, ok? Your face looks-”

Tomura’s eyes flash, the red vibrating, gleaming, daring this stranger to finish that thought. The boy stiffens under his glare and stammers on.

“I mean, uh, sorry. I don’t know, ha, my mom always says I talk too much. Anyway, um, I was just getting my ball when I saw the gate was open. The gate to this place is never open, like never, ever. It’s shut up tight usually. I don’t think we even see lights most nights.

My friend, his name’s Haru. Anyway, he says this place is haunted. He said some guy killed his brother here. That was hundreds of years ago. Some people say he used his quirk to do it. They never found him. After the murder, I mean. Nah, they say the house was empty and there was nothing in it, like at all. Well, nothing they could see.

Some old-timers say he’s still in there, though. He’s supposed to have claws and stuff now. Haru said his grandpa told him he used to climb to the rooftop. You could see him then. He was all covered in fire. He said if you catch sight of him, someone in your family would die soon.

I don’t believe any of it. I always tell Haru that ghosts aren’t real. Besides, my dad told me people like to make things up when they’re scared. Oh! But you’re real! And now that I’ve seen you, I can tell Haru that someone lives here! There’s no ghost.”

Tenko doesn’t reply. He stands, knees shaking and his white hair lowering, covering his face. The boy hesitates, his chatter ceasing as he watches Tenko carefully. But, a few seconds later he’s grinning at Tenko again, his voice slipping into that cheerful tone once again.

“I’m Aoi. I live around the corner. Well, me and my family. I’ve got a younger sister and a kid brother. I’m the oldest. So, uh, what’s your name?”

“Ten... Tomura.”

“Tomura. Like... death? Woah! That’s so cool!

Tenko, no, Tomura, bristles at Aoi’s assessment of his new name. He’s a little taller than the boy and that slight difference makes him lift his chin, flaunting that meager slice of power over Aoi. The boy grins at his display, unperturbed.

“Hey, Tomura, you wanna’ come play? It’ll be fun! Come on, come play with us. It’s just me and three other boys. Well, there’s one girl. She’s ok. If you hurry, we can finish this inning.”

Tenko shrinks back again, his body hunching. He can’t help it. Play? Did...no, yeah, he used to do that. Yeah, he used to play with Mikkun and Tomo. They would play... what was it…

“Um, not that, look, you don’t have to,” Aoi continues. “Mom says I demand stuff. So, I’m not demanding that you play with us. Demand means to make someone do something that they-”

“I know what demand means,” Tomura snaps, his eyes glaring, glinting again. He tries to straighten his spine, but he can’t seem to stop shaking.

“So... uh, did you want to? We’re playing baseball. That’s the foul ball right there.” Aoi points behind him to a small white ball with red threading. It’s nestled in the mud by the gate.

“I was just coming to get it when I saw you. Whaddya’ say, Tomura? We need another hitter. It’ll be fun, promise.”

Tenko is quiet. He looks up at the boy’s open face. He wants to say yes; wants to play. Besides, like Aoi said, it could be fun. He hasn’t played a game in so, so long. Sensei won’t be back for hours, maybe days, he reminds himself. He wants to say yes, he’s going to say yes. Tenko is about to step toward him when he hears something.

It creeps up behind him, long fingers sinking into his neck, his hair, his arms, tugging, pulling, yanking him back. There’s a low wail that rattles around his fogged mind. There are other voices too:

“Tenkooo! Um, sorry ‘bout that. I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t cry, Tenko. Here have some ohagi-”

“Your father... he knows…”

“Hey! Hey punk! Get the hell outta here!”

“You’re a fucking freak!”

“What are you- Ah! Ahhhhhhhh, no! God, nooo!”

Tenko shudders away, trying to shut out the ghosts. Trying to block out their disembodied wants and crushed hopes. But he’s flailing, drowning in the knowledge. He didn’t want to kill them...he didn’t mean to… they were his family, he... he lov-

“Tomura?” Aoi asks, stepping back from his strange reaction, a low curling of anxiety shifting over his friendly, open, features.

“Get out,” Tomura snarls and he steps back into the compound, his gloved hand scrabbling around the metal door, slamming it in Aoi’s worried face.

He imagines he can hear Aoi waiting, stunned that his new friend has left. Aoi’s expression would be a little crestfallen, those kind, dark eyes lowering as he steps away, back to his game.

In reality, the door is too thick, too strong. No, there’s only silence around him.

Tomura’s hair drips wetly against the wooden floors, and he can feel his legs shaking. He tries to step out of the genken, but his feet flop uselessly under him. He collapses, his knees hitting the floor roughly, chapping, scraping against his already sensitive skin.

He had wanted to say yes. He had wanted that so badly. But he didn’t want Sensei to find out. What if...what if he made him kill…

No, Tenko thinks, blinking back his pricking tears. He kept that boy safe. Aoi would never know, he could never tell him thank you, he would never see him again, but Tenko had protected him.

He wraps his arms around his stinging knees, his back shifting against the door. There’s another voice that is nagging against the back of his mind. It’s harder to lock out when he cries; softer, gentler. It’s different from the others. It feels female, light and soothing against his frayed nerves. Whoever it is, she’s asking him a question, he just can’t make out what she’s saying. He never can.

Sighing, Tomura stands, slipping his shoes off and retreating to his room. The silence and that soft voice pressing heavily against him.

“Tenko, do you still want to be a hero?”

Notes: (╥﹏╥)

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