#it could be off tumblr or something they said in a stream

[heartsforhavik]

superfan! yandere boy x gn! popstar reader

✰ warnings: stalking, obsessiveness, breaking and entering, nsfw, masochist yandere, overstimulation, thigh riding, bondage, male masturbation, unhealthy behavior, average yandere tendencies, male yandere oc (he’s very pathetic and perverted, it’s giving “step on me” energy.) gender neutral reader

✰ a/n: heyyyyy guess who isn’t dead.. i literally open tumblr every 3 minutes i just haven’t been posting. but i’m hereeeee lol. here’s a random yandere oc post, sorry it’s not mortal kombat. (tbh i have faded away from my mk obsession and now i am obsessed with until dawn, the quarry, tlou, and rdr.)

part two here!

superfan! yandere boy that buys all of your merchandise and streams your music on loop 24/7. even while he sleeps.

superfan! yandere boy that commissions artists to draw you and him together in different styles. some of them may depict him on a cute date with you, and some are more explicit and depict you stepping on him or choking him.

superfan! yandere boy that sneaks into your concerts if he didn’t manage to buy a ticket. no matter how strong your security is, he will always manage to find a way in and pretend he's just a regular fan.

superfan! yandere boy that will even sneak onto your house and film you through your window for hours, and then he would go home and touch himself to the footage of you.

superfan! yandere boy that wants to buy meet-and-greet tickets to see you, and be able to feel your presence up close and be able to speak to you personally. but as much as he craves your attention, he knows he wouldn't be able to handle it and would crumble immediately the second you look him in the eyes.

superfan! yandere boy that pays people to stalk you and take pictures of you when he can't do it himself. especially ones when you have a wardrobe malfunction.

superfan! yandere boy that goes to sleep every night fantasizing and dreaming of you. his particular favorite wet dream is of you letting him ride your thigh, grinding against your skin as a desperate attempt to feel any friction on his cock. your hands would roam around his body as he relishes in your attention, no matter where you touch him. any small nudge or brush against his skin would set his heart on fire and oh no where'd his pants go-

superfan! yandere boy that thinks you could do no wrong. you said something offensive and got yourself cancelled? he is your number one defender and would be threatening your naysayers on the internet. he would even go as far as to learn to hack just so he could delete their accounts.

superfan! yandere boy that almost WANTS to get caught. he knows he wouldn't be able to handle your attention, so he avoids it, but a part of him wants to get caught and outed for his perverted, stalker ways. he wants to hear you cuss him out and degrade him. he wants to see the disgusted look on your face as he is exposed for everything he did. spit on him, kick him, treat him like vermin, he doesn't mind. he gets off on the thought of you punishing him. he has a particular fantasy where your punishment for him is by tying him up and overstimulating him until he is crying, whimpering, and almost fainting. but he would still beg for more. no matter how long it lasts. it could be a week long and he still wouldn't be satisfied.

[noaestheticacademic]

On the Identity of "Chat"

Like all the linguistics folks on Tumblr, I've been sent the "chat is a fourth person pronoun" post by a bunch of well-meaning people and and I've been thinking waaay too much about it. @hbmmaster made a wonderful post explaining exactly why "chat" ISN'T a fourth person pronoun, and after reading it I wanted to go a little deeper on what it might actually be doing linguistically, because it is a really interesting phenomenon. Here's a little proposal on what might be going on, with the caveat that it's not backed up by a sociolinguistic survey (which would be fun but more than I could throw together this morning).

On Pronouns

Studying linguistics has been really beneficial for me because understanding that language is constantly changing helped me to become comfortable with using they/them pronouns for myself. I've since done a decent amount of work with pronouns, and here are some basic ideas.

A basic substitution test shows that "chat" is not syntactically a pronoun: it can't be replaced with a pronoun in a sentence.

"Chat, what do we think about that?"

"He*, what do we think about that?" (* = ungrammatical, a native speaker of English would think it sounds wrong)

Linguists identify pronouns as bundles of features identifying the speaker, addressee, and/or someone outside the current discourse. So, a first person pronoun refers to the speaker, a second person pronoun refers to the addressee, and a third person pronoun refers to someone who is neither the speaker nor the addressee (but who is still known to the speaker and addressee). This configuration doesn't leave a lot of room for a "fourth" person. But the intuition people have that "chat" refers to something external to the discourse is worth exploring.

Hypothesis 1: Chat is a fourth-person pronoun.

We've knocked this one right out.

Hypothesis 2: Chat is an address term.

So what's an address term? These are words like "dude, bro, girl, sir" that we use to talk to people. In the original context where "chat" appears - streamers addressing their viewers - it is absolutely an address term. We can easily replace "chat" with any of these address terms in the example sentence above. It's clear that the speaker is referring to a specific group (viewers) who are observing and commenting on (but not fully participating in) the discourse of the stream. The distinction between OBSERVATION and PARTICIPATION is a secret tool that will come in handy later.

But when a student in a classroom says "wow chat, I hate this," is that student referring to their peers as a chat? In other words, is the student expecting any sort of participation or observation by the other students of their utterance? Could "chat" be replaced with "guys" in this instance and retain its nuance? My intuition as a zillenial (which could be way off, please drop your intuitions in the comments) is that the relationship between a streamer and chat is not exactly what the speaker in this case expects out of their peers. Which brings me to...

Hypothesis 3: chat is a stylistic index.

What's an index in linguistics? To put it very simply, it's anything that has acquired a social meaning based on the context in which it's said. In its original streaming context, it's an address term. But it can be used in contexts where there is not a chat, or even any group of people that could be abstracted into being a chat. Instead, people use this linguistic structure to explicitly mimic the style which streamers use.

And that much seems obvious, right? Of course people are mimicking streamers. It doesn't take a graduate degree to figure that out. What's interesting to me is why people choose to employ streaming language in certain scenarios. How is it different from the same sentence, minus the streamer style?

This all comes down to the indexicality, or social meaning, of streamer speak. This is where I ask you all to take over: what sorts of attitudes and qualities do you associate with that kind of person and that kind of speech? I think it has to do with (here it comes!) the PARTICIPANT/OBSERVER distinction. By framing speech as having observers, a speaker takes on the persona of someone who is observed - a self-styled celebrity. To use "chat" is to position oneself as a celebrity, and in some cases even to mock the notion of such a position. We can see a logical path from how streamers use "chat" as an address term to how it is co-opted to reference streamer culture and that celebrity/observer relationship in non-streaming mediated discourse. If we think about it that way, then it's easy to see why the "fourth person pronoun" post is so appealing. It highlights a discourse relationship that is being invoked wherein "chat" is not a group but a style.

[allywthsr]

CHARITY STREAM | (l.norris)

summary: you and Lando stream 24h for charity! Lots of gaming and chatting

wordcount: 1.8k words

pairing: landonorris x fem!reader

warnings: none!

notes: tumblr wouldn’t let me post anything?? It’s late again!🥲

advent calendar

Lando and you started a new tradition this year.

This year you wanted to do a little charity stream during the holidays, where people could donate, and in the end, the money would go into different organizations. Shelters for homeless people, women’s shelters, and on your request, some animal shelters as well.

You two also donated twenty thousand pounds to kick things off, and you hoped people would give some of their money to a good cause, no matter how much money someone donates, every penny counts and is helping someone to survive. Especially during Christmas and the winter, it was harder for people that do not have a stable home to survive, eat, shower, or even go to the toilet. That was something, they didn’t always have access to, and that is why you and Lando decided to do this charity stream.

The stream is twenty-four hours long, a full day of streaming, mostly it will be Lando in front of the camera because the people want to see him, but you would join him. It’s going to start with some cookie baking, and then you go straight to the PC to play games, Fortnite, CoD, the Truck simulator, and the Santa simulator were already planned, just as a lot of talking to the chats and every hour you would explain and introduce one more shelter, you donate to.

And that’s where you were sitting right now, in front of the computer, next to Lando and the ring light behind his PC was providing you with light. Lando clicked on the start button, and the stream loaded, the first few hello’s and comments started rolling in.

”Hey guys, Y/N and I decided to do something new this year. Today we’re raising money for charity, not everyone is privileged enough to have a roof over their head, so we want to donate money to different organizations. Y/N and I are gonna stream for twenty-four hours, we’re playing different games, but first, we start with some cookie baking, I‘m going to switch you to the kitchen cam, and then we‘re going to cut out cookies.“

You prepared the cookie dough two hours ago and it sat in the fridge, waiting for you two to roll it out. Lando switched to the kitchen cam, and you two appeared behind the kitchen island, on the island there were many cookie cutters, flour, baking paper, and multiple rolling pins scattered. You opened the fridge and took the cookie dough on the counter, taking a piece of it and rolling it out with a rolling pin.

Lando started to press different cookie cutters into the dough.

”Chat, what do you think about my Santa?“

After a few seconds, comments came in complementing him, ”It’s not that hard baby, you used a cookie cutter.“

”She‘s always negative, chat, I don’t know why she’s even here.“

Obviously, he was joking, squeezing your hips shortly after he said that. The next half hour was spent cutting out the dough into small shapes with the cookie cutters and taking out baked cookies from the oven.

”Alright chat, we‘ll go over to the PC and play some games, maybe later we will go back to the kitchen and decorate them.“

You two sat at the PC and looked at the chat, reading some comments, donations were already coming in and Lando was thanking every single one of them. The count was already at two thousand of just viewer donations, some crazy people are out there and it astonished you. Now Lando sat in his gaming chair, while you sat in your chair and with your MacBook in front of you, Fortnite open and ready to play. You two were playing in duos and when the first game started, you two were freaking out. Lando wasn’t a pro, just like you aren’t, you were dying before you even picked up a gun and Lando wasn’t any better, stream snipers were making your life hard and you tried to play it for two hours but after not getting a win, it was time to stop playing that frustrating game.

You switched to just talking to the chat, by now twenty thousand people were watching, and they had a lot of questions. It wasn’t like you were in a new relationship with Lando, most of his fans only knew him with you on his side, you‘ve been with him since he started his Formula One career, but you retold your whole getting-to-know-each-other story. Ditching questions that had anything to do with marriage or kids, you both wanted to focus on life and your careers and touch that topic later in life, a lot of people didn’t get that, and had to spam the comments. So you decided to play the next game, the Santa simulator.

Lando started off with collecting presents for different children, having to decide if they get something good or just a piece of coal. Lucas was not focusing on school but more on his hobby, no Lando had to decide what he would get, because of Lando’s own school history, Lucas got a big new bike like he wished. Marie was always a good girl, cleaning up behind herself, a good student, and always on her best behavior. Because Lando thought she needed to be more rebellious, she got some coal, but a new pair of slippers too, so she wouldn’t feel to... sad. Next, he had to take care of the reindeers, brushing their fur and feeding them before putting them in front of the sleigh, the last thing that needed to be done was to deliver the presents. Lando had to fly through the sky and ditch multiple obstacles, landing safely on houses without getting noticed by anyone. The sliding down the chimney and laying the presents underneath the tree was the hardest part, he had to do it as quietly as possible, so he wouldn’t wake up any of the kids. In the end, most of the kids weren’t happy with their presents and he wasn’t quiet enough, the mission was failed, but you two had fun.

Six hours in and eighteen more to go, next Lando wanted to play CoD, you had an important phone call, so you couldn’t join or watch him, but after two hours of discussing things with your and Lando’s management, Lando was still playing it.

”This is the last round, baby“, he said as you sat down next to him on your chair. You pulled out your phone to check some reactions to the stream, so far people were loving it. When the clock hit the next full hour, it was time to announce the next sponsor, this hour you talked about the Red Cross, what they did, and how people could help outside of the stream.

While chatting about that, Lando got touchy and placed his hand on your cross-legged thigh, caressing it gently. Immediately comments about that came in and people were swooning over Lando’s need of physical attention.

”Chat, what should we play?“

Comments were saying Fortnite or the truck simulator, so you two chose the truck simulator, Lando and you hadn’t played that game since lockdown ended and you even got a little excited. You linked your MacBook with Lando’s game and now you could play together, fulfilling quests and pushing each other off the street. The room was filled with laughter and screams, as the others always pushed the truck off or doing everything they weren’t supposed to do, like hitting different cars or turning the wrong way.

After Lando shut off the game, it was hour ten and you two got hungry, in between the games you‘d already prepared some snacks, but you needed an actual dinner, so quickly you boiled some pasta and made a quick sauce. You brought it to Lando and you two made an unplanned asmr session, most of the people loved how you weirdly slowly chewed your pasta and when Lando smushed around the sauce, you couldn’t contain your laughter in between bites.

Lando had a Lego piece he wanted to build for quite some time, but he never did, so he got the package out and poured out all the bags. What you thought would take an hour, turned out to take four hours, Lando got confused at some steps and had to redo them, as you were focused on a different step. But you never thought it would take you so long, stretching your knuckles and fingers after you finished.

After talking to the chat, you reminded Lando of the cookies that were still untouched in the kitchen and he quickly switched to the kitchen cam, where he sat and waited for you to prepare the chocolates and sprinkles. Lando wasn’t the most patient man, so mostly the cookies got dipped in the chocolate and maybe some sprinkles were put on the chocolate. But most of them were eaten before they could be decorated anyway.

Next, you did the gingerbread house challenge, if you were in the kitchen anyway.

With only six hours to go, and the struggle to stay awake, you drank multiple beverages with caffeine. You played another round of Fortnite, joined by Max F. and you even won one round, mostly because you got carried by someone, but the end result mattered.

Going in the last three hours, a lot of chatting and watching YouTube videos was done, compilations of Y/N and Lando being cute or the latest unboxed. In the end you raised over forty thousand pounds, saying goodbye to the chat when the twenty four hour mark was crossed. Lando ended the stream and you let out a big sigh, finally you didn’t have thousand of eyes on you anymore, with a stretch, you linked Lando’s and your hand together and pulled him to the bed, ready for a big nap.

[ladykailitha]

Fake Boyfriend Part 1

This was going to be an AO3 exclusive until I found out I couldn't do the strikethrough coding for the titles over there and until I think of one that works as well as this one does, it goes here first. There is a second part that will be posted on Tuesday as it got a tad too long for Tumblr (clocking out at over 3k).

Summary: After most of the older teens have gone off to college, Eddie goes over to Steve's to hang out. When he finds Steve on the phone with one of his co-workers, he tells Steve to pretend Eddie is his boyfriend to get the guy to back off via notes on his notebook. It works better than he could possibly dream as the more Steve describes his "boyfriend" the more it sounds real.

***

Eddie let himself into the Harrington mansion like he always did, backpack slung over his shoulder. Steve and he was long since past caring about knocking on each others’ houses’ doors. Bedrooms on the other hand were sacrosanct and closed doors were to be respected at all times, but their houses? Open invitation. Always.

He went straight to the kitchen because if Steve was going to be anywhere in that labyrinthine house of his, it was going to be the kitchen. He entered through the open doorway just as Steve snapped.

“Fuck you!” he growled.

Eddie frowned. “Hey!”

Steve turned and he could see that Steve was on the phone with someone. The other man mouthed, ‘Sorry!’ when he spotted Eddie in the doorway.

“I gave you this number for work purposes only,” Steve continued with a sigh. “I’m just not interested in you, Caleb. How many times do I have to tell you?”

Understanding slowly dawned over Eddie. He knew who Steve was talking to now. Caleb worked at the same hair salon Steve did and was constant thorn in Steve’s side. Always flirting with him and just generally making Steve uncomfortable.

He ripped the backpack off of his shoulder and started digging around. He pulled out a notebook and a pen. He turned to a blank page and wrote: TELL HIM YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Steve looked at the sign with a frown of confusion. ‘But I don’t’ he mouthed back.

Eddie pointed at himself.

Steve chewed on his thumb for a moment before he nodded. “Caleb!” he said interrupting the other man’s stream of consciousness that he was just spewing at Steve on the end of the line. “Look. I didn’t want to have to pull this card because ‘no’ is a complete sentence, but I have a boyfriend.”

Eddie gave him a thumbs up.

“I haven’t brought him up before because he’s not out–”

Eddie scoffed, smirking with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean we’re not out as a couple to our friends and family,” Steve amended, sticking his tongue out at him. “Of course they know I’m bisexual and he’s gay, they just don’t know that we’ve been dating.”

That was certainly true, especially considering that they weren’t actually dating.

Eddie scribbled another note: WAYNE

“Well,” Steve said with a huff of laughter, “his uncle knows, but my parents don’t.”

Eddie started on another note, but Steve beat him to it. “It’s a small house and thin walls, the dude was going to find out sooner or later.”

Eddie nearly choked on his own tongue. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head in shock.

Steve laughed. “And have my parents walk in on us? Fuck that. I trust his Uncle Wayne way more than I do my parents.”

Eddie looked down at the half-written message that would have spelled out TRUST with a fond smile on his face.

Steve rolled his eyes. “What do you mean you want me to prove he exists? Like describe him or something?”

Eddie jotted down another note: PERSISTANT BASTARD

Steve slammed a hand over his mouth to cover the laugh that bubbled to his lips.

He cleared his throat. “So are we talking looks or personality?” he asked. “Because I could go on about both.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, causing Steve’s cheeks flush.

“Looks?” Steve asked, his voice a little high at the absurdity of it all. “Oh. Wow. Yeah. He’s got the most amazingly soulful brown eyes I’ve ever seen outside of the movies. I’ve heard people describe them as doe-eyed or puppy-dog eyes. They aren’t bad descriptions, just... not close enough. I don’t think there is a word or phrase that matches their glory.”

Eddie shoved his hair in front of mouth to hide his embarrassment. Steve took a step toward him.

“He has long hair in soft curly locks that frame his face,” Steve continued and Eddie dropped the aforementioned lock, choosing to duck his head, and look away, rocking back on his heels.

Steve took another step forward. “He has these dimples that just light up his whole countenance when he smiles. They are the single most kissable part of his face, if you don’t include his lips.”

Eddie’s mind was spinning out of control, because there was no way Steve was making this up on the spot. These had to be things Steve had actually thought about.

But Steve wasn’t done talking. “He’s whipcord thin, but don’t let that fool you. He is strong, so strong.”

Eddie head jerked up and stared at Steve in amazement.

The other boy ducked his head, twirling his fingers around the phone cord. “I told you could go on and on about his looks, man. I could tell you about how long his eyelashes are or his legs that give him this causal sensuality that should be fucking illegal.”

Eddie didn’t think he could get any redder. He was so, so wrong.

“You want me to wax poetic about his personality now?” Steve asked incredulously. “No, I’m not describing Jon Bon Jovi. He’d be offended at the comparison. Eddie Van Halen is closer to the mark, or maybe Kirk Hemmett if you really make him blush.”

Cue Eddie’s blush burning his ears and flushing his throat; a part of his body that was refusing to do what it was supposed to and fucking allow breath to enter his lungs.

“What’s he like?” Steve breathed and Eddie was instantly jealous of his ability to do so. “He is so smart.”

Eddie snorted divisively.

“The school system may have failed him more times then I care to count,” Steve insisted, “but god, he is so clever, coming up with stories on fly. He has all this knowledge of so many things. He learned elvish and is learning dwarfish.” He snorted. “Because he can.”

Eddie blushed. Even his friends from Hellfire and Corroded Coffin thought he was a little insane trying to learn those languages. Not Steve, apparently.

“He uses it for his D&D games–campaigns, sorry,” Steve said, more to Eddie then to Caleb. Eddie mouthed ‘It’s okay.’ And Steve lit up with the brightest smile.

He took another step forward. “You know those kids that come into the store all the time?” Steve burst out laughing. “Yes, my kids. He loves them as much as I do. Maybe even more.”

Eddie scrambled to write another note: NOT POSSIBLE

Steve blushed this time. “Understands them better, certainly.”

Eddie cocked his head to the side and half shrugged. That was fair.

“He DMs for them every week,” Steve continued. “DM? Oh that stands for dungeon master. It’s like the storyteller or master of the story. He sets the path for the characters to follow or blatantly ignore.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh.

“He does the voices for each person the party meets and it always makes me laugh,” Steve said. “My favorite is the voice he did for the princess. I don’t think there was a dry eye from all the laughing everyone was doing.”

Eddie grinned. That was his favorite, too. He had done it to make Steve laugh, the fact that it had made everyone else laugh too was just icing on the cake.

“Which, of course, impressed Dustin,” Steve said. He paused. “Oh Dustin is the one with curly hair and those hats.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. That’s another strike against this Caleb dude, not knowing the names of Steve’s kids. Like they came as a packaged deal. Everyone knew that.

Steve cleared his throat and looked down as he too felt Caleb’s disinterest keenly as well. “Anyway, anyone who can impress that little butthead is number one in my book.”

Eddie smiled tenderly at Steve before he jotted down a note again. YOU IMPRESS HIM TOO.

Steve blushed. “He can take his talent for story telling into song writing as well. He might not be the singer of his band–” There was another pause. “Yeah, an honest to god, plays at The Hideout every Tuesday metal band. He plays guitar. Lead, not rhythm. His best friend Jeff is rhythm guitar and their lead singer. He can read music and learn a song by ear. Do you know how fucking rare that is? To be able to do both? Trust me, it’s rare, okay?”

“Look, Caleb,” Steve growled, “don’t get pissy with me. You asked me describe my boyfriend. I warned you that I could go on and on.”

Eddie could barely breathe. This was starting to feel less like an excuse to get this asshole to stop harassing Steve and more and more real with every compliment that came out of his friend’s mouth.

Steve’s own breath caught in his chest. He looked directly at Eddie, so full of adoration, Eddie was sure his heart full on stopped.

“Yeah, of course I do,” Steve murmured, “of course I love him. God, how could I not. He means everything to me.” He tried to step forward but the cord got caught in his fingers, so he unwrapped it and took a final step toward Eddie. The cord was now taut, stretched as far as it could go.

Eddie could tell that the scant two feet between them was too far for Steve, but he was tethered to phone. He knew that that ache and longing in Steve’s face mirrored his own expression.

“And I am so grateful I get to call him mine...” Steve finished, his breath shallow as he fought to get his heart rate under control.

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***

Part 2

[solarpunkani]

what are some things we can do to make the world better?

Gosh, this is a big question. It's also definitely something that's been on my mind for a long, long time. I mean, honestly, how could it not be?

I'm not gonna be able to provide any revolutionary, mind bending answers on this. I'm honestly something more akin to a coward, if anything--I'm not gonna be able to recommend going to protests or rebel action without being a huge hypocrite.

I guess what I did is pick a couple of topics to try my best to learn as much about as possible, so I can know what I can do to help, and then try to do as much of that stuff as possible. So in my case right now its gardening. I basically went 'oh? Butterflies and bees and pollinators are at risk due to habitat loss? Is there anything I can do about it?' Learned about what I could do about it (start a garden, grow certain plants, avoid certain practices like using pesticides and herbicides in said garden, etc.), and then did as much of that stuff as is reasonable for me. And then I also shared what I was doing with other people, and encouraged and helped them do it too if they're interested.

Is my rinky dink mismatched chaotic pollinator garden changing the world? Making the whole entire place better? Not necessarily. Maybe it's making the world a bit better for the pollinators that stop by though, and if I can convince more and more people to start pollinator gardens then it can help more pollinators. I bounced off from pollinator gardening to grow vegetables too, which I can then share with my community (donating to food banks/community fridges, or just offering some to the neighbors) which can definitely help as well.

You can use this process in other aspects too. Monarchs and milkweeds is what caught my eye and drew me to pollinator gardening, but maybe it just doesn't hit for you. Maybe you're more interested in fish, or ecosystems in rivers and streams. You can look into ways to help, and maybe then you'll get into cleaning riverbanks and such. Or maybe you're moreso interested in something like food scarcity and food deserts, and you can then launch into making community gardens or a system of community fridges and harrassing legislators calling your local representatives to back initiatives that will help. I think asking yourself 'what can I do about abcxyz', learning about it, and then doing what you can is definitely a good place to start. And maybe what you learn will lead you to going to things like protests and doing rebellious actions--in which case that's fantastic! The world needs a lot more people who are a lot braver than the woman behind this Tumblr curtain. Or maybe it won't--and that's okay too. We can do what we can together.

Will you change the entire world? Make the whole world better? Probably not, and I probably won't either. I don't think one person alone can change the world. But we can improve the worlds of a few creatures in a local area, or make the world better for people in our communities. And I think that's at least worth an effort.

If anyone else wants to chime in, by all means feel free! And if my advice sucks I'm sorry.

[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ ARRANGED LOVE. 

fandom. genshin impact

pairings. neuvillette x gn!reader

content warnings. sfw (angst with happy ending), arranged marriage/mating, neuvillette loses his children during the archon war, you're a (wind) dragon, he rejects you for many years because he's grieving, not edited/proofread, written in lowercase

word count. 1k

notes. this is now the third time i'm posting this... tumblr this better show up in tags or else

the archon war has now raged for many years and would continue to do so. something one of the last dragons on teyvat hated. the endless pain and suffering of his subjects wore heavy on his heart and soul— but he truly broke when one of his enemies slaughtered his children, the last of his. 

his wailing summoned the worst storm that teyvat has ever seen. his cries for his hatchlings, the last of his kin darkened the sky and the thunder resonates with his sobs. the seas were restless, waves crashing against cliffs and swallowing weak land. 

he continued to cry for his children for many days, cursing celestia deep beneath the surface and wishing all his enemies would die a painful death. he wished for them to suffer, he wished to take everything from them just as they took everything from him.

his children had been protected by his realm and they still died too young. he had been foolish to hope no one would touch his domain, the place where he was king. he had been foolish to hope— foolish to think his power as one of the last dragons, the last hydro one, was grand enough to fend his enemies off. 

his foolishness cost his future, the future of his seas, his waters. 

and the storm raged on, flooding the flat lands and raising small creeks to violent streams. the hydro dragon had been angered and now everyone suffered the consequences. 

meanwhile, the dark clouds grew and reached other regions and nations, slowly but surely completely taking over, other gods and mystical beings grew concerned. well, as concerned as they could be, while they slaughtered each other for the seven thrones. 

one of them was rex lapis, a kin to the mourning dragon. while he never had hatchlings and thus didn’t know the pain of losing them, he could recognize the cries. the hydro dragon was spiraling, his powers feeding onto his grief and claiming even more lives. 

to end the suffering on both ends, he decided to leave his current battlefield and made his way to the dragon known as neuvillette. he didn’t come as an enemy or ally, instead he came as kin to offer assistance— assistance in revenge. 

the agreeing between the two dragons, two mighty elements at their beck and call, became known as the first contract of war, written down by rex lapis himself. he offered a helping hand to the hydro dragon, if he would agree to mate one of his many adepti. 

mad with grief, the dragon agreed. he took an adepti of rex lapis’ choosing as his mate and went on rampage. in matters of weeks, he and the now geo archon reduced their enemies to nothing more but dust. and the god who killed the hatchlings… it is said that the hydro dragon himself drowned him in the sea. 

but what they don’t know, what no one but the two dragons know is that this contract of war saved not only many innocent lives from the floods, but also yours. 

rex lapis has rescued you from shackles placed on you, shackles of earth when you belong in the air. they weakened you, as you were the northern wind that brought the snow and winter to teyvat. wild yet freezing, you’re one of the four winds— and the last one remaining. 

the only thing that could save you, that saved you in the end, was to mate another powerful dragon. and while you wished rex lapis had taken you as his, his future as archon repelled you in the end. no matter what he said, the gnosis from celestia was a shackle. 

you needed to be free, free to remain alive, the last wind of teyvat. 

and the only other option was the hydro dragon, neuvillette. 

it broke your heart to see him like this, reddened eyes and slouched body, he was in no way showing the power he possessed. and oh— how he cried. even when he met you, tears were still running down his cheeks, as the storm raged on. 

the mating itself had been a somber affair, nothing more but a formality. there was no joy when he bit your neck, marking you as his. there was no celebration, instead you tugged on your armor the moment the mating was over. and even then— it couldn’t be even called a proper mating, because there was no nesting, there was nothing but a bite of formality. 

it took decades for your mate to recover, the gentle hydro dragon neuvillette. it took centuries for him to actually look at you and greet you as his mate and not a fellow dragon. 

you can’t lie, those years were weary on you and it hurt— it hurt so bad. but you understood, or at least tried to, and he was trying. 

trying to reign his grief in and to hold his tears back. 

but then you took him by his hand and tugged him with you. the two of you twirled in the air, a dance of dragons, and you spoke to him. 

“grief, my mate,” you said as you pressed your cool body against his.

“cry, my mate”, you whispered while it started to snow. 

“do not harden your heart, remember your hatchlings and remember the pain. the pain you received and brought on others in return.”

“remember, so it shall never happen again.” 

(and this day, he knew, it was this day he finally opened his heart. he allowed himself to feel, to yearn, for your touch, the touch of his mate he rejected for years. he yearned and broke to his desires, the deep, deep desire to love and to be loved again. and you greeted him with open arms and a gentle smile, forgiving the sins he did against you, forgiving all his wrongdoings. 

in this moment he knew, he loved you.)

ARKHAM MAID 2023

[miscling]

An Unexpected Visitor

⛓️🤐

It was getting pretty late, so she'd changed into something more comfortable to see out the rest of the day, when a knock came at the door.

'Who's knocking this late?' she thought to herself, but didn't think that maybe opening the door was a bad idea. As soon as it was open even a crack, it slammed open on her, a piece of thick tape quickly covering her mouth. Before she could react, a second piece joined it and quick hands pulled her arms behind her back.

'Stop struggling. You asked for this, remember? All those posts on tumblr saying how much you wanted this, needed this, craved this.'

His words dug into her mind. Of course it was someone who followed her, but she couldn't figure out how he'd found her. Maybe she wasn't careful enough about her constant stream of kinkposting, or something in her pictures clued him in. Either way, she was in trouble. He flipped her around, pushing her against the wall. One hand kept her wrists together while the tape found its way around them.

'Now, I can't have you seeing me,' he said. He held her against the wall while he pulled a scarf from a hanger, quickly tying it around her head. 'That's better,' he said, pulling a mask off, his voice growing clearer. 'Inside.'

She couldn't resist the order. She had asked for this, she did want it. Once inside, he pushed her down to her knees, then sat her back to tape up her legs. Though her mind screamed at her to kick and break free, she didn't even try.

'Good girl,' he said, quickly finishing the job. 'Almost too easy,' he added, making a small dissatisfied noise.

All she could do was squirm on the floor, making pathetic whimpering noises as his hands found her cunt.

'So you weren't lying for attention, then?' he asked her, leaving her to mumble a response from behind the tape. 'Where's your phone?' he asked, but she could hear him clicking with her mouse at the computer. 'Where are your pictures?'

She wriggled on the floor. There was nothing she could do to stop him, not even when he pushed her thumb into her phone to unlock it.

'Wow,' he said. 'That is a lot of pictures... do you just send them to anyone who asks? How many people have your shown your tits to?'

She didn't want to answer that, choosing to stay silent to avoid the humiliation. A flush came to her cheeks as a recording began to play from her phone. One of many from her many edging sessions.

'Oh,' he said, his smile clear in his voice. 'I can work with this, and by the sound of it, your magic wand, too, now where do you keep it?' he asked, his footsteps moving around her home. 'The bedroom, obviously.'

There was little she could do, taped up and left on the floor as he walked upstairs, caught with only the hope that he'd be as rough as she needed...

These pictures were taken after a privately sent Ask Task, and the short story written by me for my own amusement and for those of you who enjoy stories just like it! ^^

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 26: Carved

You and Joel search for Savvy outside of Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-25 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst because... duh when do I not serve everything with a side of angst. I wish I could tell you why. Canon typical violence. Past suicide attempt. Suicidal ideation. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 10.7k (I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE EITHER OK)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It had gone unsaid for at least a day now. 

Joel had been outside of Jackson with you for nine days and there was no sign of Savvy and it was time to turn back. He’d let you lead the way, picking directions, deciding when to stop for the day (within reason, he’d had to suggest breaks and point out the conditions of the horses at least once a day.) But there was nothing that pointed to her. 

Your fourth day out, the two of you tracked a small group but it was about 10 people - three families with four kids between them - traveling to Seattle. When you found them, they were low on food so the two of you handed over the bulk of your rations. Joel told them about Jackson while you showed the younger kids the horses, keeping the occupied with a soft smile on your face as you patiently taught them how to pet Renaissance, how they had to hold their palms flat when offering her food. Joel wondered, not for the first time, how he’d never realized that you were a mother. It was so clearly built into you now that he knew to look for it. The families said they were heading for the coast and Joel hoped they found their way. 

Day seven led you both to an abandoned camp that had been occupied by some kind of small party but nothing to indicate if it was raiders or someone else, though there was at least one horse. The two of you tracked that group for the last two days but they went into a stream they didn’t immediately ford and you lost the trail entirely. 

“Fuck!” You dismounted into the water after you’d followed along the stream for several miles and seen no sign of the group on the shore. You kicked the water and screamed - the sound shrill and almost feral, more animal than human - before you fell to your knees. You collapsed back onto your heels as the stream flowed around your legs. You didn’t seem to notice. 

Joel got down from his horse, too, gathering the reins of both animals and tying them to a nearby tree before meeting you in the water. He slowly lowered himself down on one knee, careful to leave some space between the two of you. Your hands were limp atop your thighs, palms facing to the sky, head bowed, prostrate to whatever higher power would bring your daughter back.

“Bambi,” he said softly. You didn’t even lift your head. This loss hit hard, he knew. The sign of a horse had perked you up. You had sat up straighter in your saddle, your eyes had more life in them. Your body had carried the signs of hope and those signs were gone now. “It doesn’t mean anything. It could have been anyone, just because…” 

“What if she’s gone, Joel?” You asked, your voice cracked and broken. “What if it wasn’t a lie, what if…” 

“Don’t know that,” he cut you off. 

You’d told him what Mitchum had said to you, what he’d shown you as proof that your child was gone. The thought of it had nearly made him vomit, all but choking down bile as you spoke. 

It had broken you for a while. More than a year, from the sounds of it. But, one day, you decided you couldn’t know what had happened to her, not really. Mitchum hadn’t given you any actual proof. He’d told you something he knew would torture any parent, gave you the piece of a beloved animal as a trophy. But the horse had been the older one, the smaller one. The one that could have been caught while Savvy slipped away on the younger, larger animal. So you made yourself move again, made yourself start preparing for a life beyond the place they kept you chained. You made sure you were ready to search when the time came.

Joel wasn’t sure if it was delusional or if it was discerning, if your mind was just desperate to find a reason to keep living or if you were seeing the holes in the logic of the cruelty forced on you. 

“You can’t know,” he said. “Not for sure. Not unless we find her.” 

“What if she died afraid and alone?” You asked, like you didn’t even hear him. But you lifted your head at least, your eyes finding his. “What if she was cold or hurting? She gets cold so easy, she always wears socks, even in summer… I could have held her, at least, I could have made it easier…” 

Joel tried not to think about Sarah. About holding her, telling her that everything was going to be OK. About how his last words to her had been a lie. About how he wasn’t sure the last time he’d told her that he loved her. About how he wasn’t sure if telling her that as she bled out in his arms would have made it better or worse. 

“You don’t know,” he said instead. “You taught her everything you knew, right? Means she’s smart, she’s resourceful. She’s out there, Baby, she is.” 

You just looked at him, your eyes flat and dead and he wondered, for a moment, if that’s what Tommy saw looking back at him in the years before they made it to Boston. 

“C’mon,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder. You didn’t shrink away from him. “Let’s get out of the water, it’ll be dark real soon, anyway. We can find a place to camp here, get you dried off.” 

You didn’t say anything, you just hung your head, looking down at your hands again. 

“Bambi,” he said after a minute. “Can’t help her by stayin’ here. We gotta keep you going and that means getting out of this cold water, now let’s go. Not going to do her any good if you get sick out here, let’s go.” 

You nodded a little at that and Joel got up himself before helping you to your feet. He guided you to the horses and gave you Renaissance’s reins before leading you to a place far enough away from the stream that anyone following it wouldn’t see you but close enough that it would be easy enough to refill canteens. 

He set up camp and got out dry clothes from your pack. 

“Bambi,” he said gently. You at least looked at him, even though your eyes still looked dead. “Should get changed out of those wet clothes. I’m going to go get us somethin’ to eat real quick, you get dry. OK?” 

You took the pants and socks from Joel but just stared at them for a moment. 

“Have to change, OK?” He said, watching you. “Can’t help her if you’re sick or hurt. Not good to sit in wet clothes for too long, gotta change.” 

You nodded then and he slung his rifle over his arm. 

“Gonna be alright for a bit?” He asked. You nodded. “Gonna come back to you in one piece, right?” 

You nodded again, though Joel still felt uneasy. 

“Back soon,” he said. 

He picked his way carefully through the forest, back toward the stream where there’d been plenty of signs of animal life. Since the two of you had given most of your rations to the travelers, he’d hunted almost daily. It reminded him of crossing the country with Ellie and, under other circumstances, he’d probably enjoy being out here like this with you. 

In another reality, he’d bring his guitar. After the two of you hunted together, he’d play and you’d sing and then he’d hand the instrument to you and he’d sing while you played and you’d sit so that your body was against his, where he could feel the heat of you beside him. When the fire died, you’d climb in the same sleeping bag and he’d hold you close and tight and kiss you all soft and needy. You’d moan against his mouth and he’d slip inside you as though he belonged there, at home between your thighs and burrowed against your chest. 

Instead he was alone and worried about leaving you unattended. 

He remembered what he’d been like after Sarah died. 

It wasn’t a pleasant memory. It was hard to recall the exact feeling in those early days of loss. When he focused on it, tried to actually get an idea of that hell, he was often reminded of the idea that mothers forget the pain of labor when it’s done. How the agony fades so they can face the idea of giving birth again. He wondered if that’s what his mind had done, too. If his head made that time hazy and lost so he could keep on living because surviving that again would be impossible. He’d never risk it. 

He hadn’t wanted to survive it then. He’d tried not to, lasting not even a day without his daughter’s kind smile or keen gaze or smart mouth before he pressed a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. 

For a very long time, he didn’t know why he flinched. For a very long time, he wished it had worked. And something told him that he had the same look in his eyes then that you had now. 

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he got you back to Jackson. The two of you needed to turn back, you couldn’t just stay out here forever. Maria said he could have two weeks and he figured it would be OK if he pushed that by a bit but he couldn’t disappear with you for the time it took to comb every square mile of the wilderness. 

What if you gave up like him? You were so much stronger than him. You wouldn’t flinch away from it, he knew that. What if you surrendered to it and he wasn’t there to save you? What if you just didn’t show up at the stables one morning and he went to find you and instead found your body, cold and empty and alone? Just what was left of you, surrounded by your music collection and the guitar he made you and the books you scrawled notes in, all these signs pointing to your life that would be gone. His might be gone, then, too.

He settled in what he thought was a good spot, signs of rabbits plentiful. Joel set up behind a fallen log, setting up the gun, and waited. It didn’t take long. A bush rustled nearby and he turned, quickly, before going still, gun set and ready. A minute passed, then two. Finally, a rabbit emerged, taking a cautious hop into the open. He fired and it fell. He slung the gun on his back and picked the animal up - carefully, deliberately - its hind legs still warm, sinews pliable. 

He turned to start back to camp when he froze. Ahead of him was a deer, graceful and fragile, eyes wide and soft and watching him like he was watching her. Something in a nearby tree rustled and she startled for a second, wild and cautious, but stilled before looking back at Joel. At her feet was a tiny fawn, its coat speckled and its legs spindly and splayed. The mother watched him closely, like she was trying to figure out if this two-legged creature in her forest was a threat. He wondered if she’d ever seen a person before. 

“It’s OK mama,” he said softly after a moment. “Not gonna hurt you or your baby. You’re OK.” 

She watched him for another moment, not jumping when he moved - slowly - to stand up straight. It was like part of her could feel that he was safe, that she didn’t need to be so on guard with him. Eventually, she hung her head low, nudging her baby forward. Joel watched them until they were swallowed by the forest, mother leading her child through the wilderness. 

***

Life in the forest around you felt loud. 

You couldn’t make much out, all of it melding together into a drone that you could feel in your ears. There were crickets and birds and frogs and the rustle of leaves and it meant you couldn’t hear the blood in your ears anymore. Or maybe you could and the wilderness had swallowed you up, too. 

That seemed like the best option. To disappear into the earth with the untamed things. Maybe it would stop hurting then. 

You weren’t entirely sure how far you’d gone. Joel had woken you early that morning. You’d been in the middle of a dream, one that you couldn’t remember now. You just knew that your heart was racing and you kept feeling like there was something just out of your reach, something you desperately needed to get to. 

“Bambi,” he said gently, a hand on your shoulder. There was something in you that wanted to pull away but you didn’t. You stayed where you were, fumbling through your mind as you tried to remember why your heart was threatening to race out of your chest. You looked up at him, a sad look in his eyes. He always had that look now, it seemed. He took his hand back. “Sorry… You were dreaming… Didn’t seem like it was anythin’ good.” 

You just nodded and pinched your eyes shut for a moment. It didn’t seem to make a difference. 

Joel gave you something to eat - you couldn’t really taste it - and you stared into space between bites, back propped against a tree. 

“Bambi,” he said, in a tone that made it seem like it wasn’t the first time he’d said it. You turned your head to look at him, fidgeting with some of the meat Joel had given you. “We… we really need to consider heading back to Jackson.” 

You frowned. 

“But…” 

“I know,” he said gently. “And I’m so sorry we didn’t find her yet. But we need to turn back, this is day 10 and it’s gonna take a few days to make it…” 

“I can’t just give up on her, Joel,” you said quietly. “I can’t, I…” 

“I’m not saying give up on her,” he replied. “I’m saying that we go back to town, let the horses rest, plan where else to go next time. If… if we’re smart about it, we can search a good portion of the region without backtracking and covering the same ground twice, give us a better shot. But we can’t do that out here, Baby, we just can’t. We don’t have the rations, we’ll run out of ammo if we run into trouble, the horses will be pushed too hard. We need to go back.” 

You knew he was right. But it still felt so wrong, going back to Jackson without her. 

“We can take a different route back?” You asked, ready to fight him if he said no. 

“Course,” he said. “We’ll see what we can find, OK? But we need to head back.” 

You sighed, looking out to the forest you hadn’t searched, something tight and sickening settling in your stomach, like if you just pushed a little harder, went a little further, you’d find her.

“OK.” 

The sun was high and you thought you’d been riding for a while but it was hard to know for sure. You were trying to focus on everything but you had been for more than a week, and you were worried you were missing things in the haze of fog that had over taken you. Joel kept looking back over his shoulder to you, like he was making sure you were still following him even though you knew there must be the sound of you behind him. 

He looked back over his shoulder at you 13 more times - some part of you was keeping count, always aware of him - when you saw something off the trail and frowned. 

You pulled Renaissance to a stop and dismounted, Joel doing a double take back at you when he realized you were no longer following him. 

“Jesus, Bambi,” he brought Ares to a halt and got down, too, coming up alongside you. “Gotta tell me when you see something…” 

“Sorry,” you said, not looking at him. Instead, you picked your way through the brush toward what had made you stop to begin with. It was a trap, a slender branch from a young tree pulled down toward the ground, rope pulled tight. 

“Is that…” Joel frowned, so close you could feel him next to you. It didn’t bother you the way it had back in Jackson. It still sent a thrill of fear through you, making your muscles coil and tense, body preparing to defend yourself even though you knew you didn’t need to. But part of you found it oddly comforting, too. In some ways, it felt good to have him close. 

“It’s a snare,” you said, kneeling beside it. You looked closer at the rope, the fibers turning green and fraying at the edges. You reached out, delicately tracing the curve of the branch with one finger. “I think it’s been here for a bit.” 

Joel was silent for a moment. 

“Do you think…” 

“She makes these,” you said softly. “I showed her how to make a few snares, this is the one she uses the most.” 

Joel knelt beside you and you looked at him. His face was soft and eyes warm, looking less pained than you’d seen him in weeks. He got closer to the pins that kept the snare ready to snap up whatever might trigger it. 

“Think you’re right on the timing,” he said. “There’s some moss startin’ in down here, been here at least a month. Probably closer to two.” 

“She wouldn’t have just left it here,” you said as Joel sat back from the trap. “She was good about that, she always got her traps, she remembered where she put them and she got them back. She wouldn’t have just left it here…” 

“Is it OK if I take it down?” Joel’s voice was so gentle and soft, like he was holding a delicate thing with his words. “You can take a closer look at it, see if it really looks like hers…” 

You just nodded, not sure if you’d be able to speak around the knot in your throat. Joel delicately released the snare and freed the pins, one from the rope and the other from the ground. He set them, almost reverently, in your open palm and set about untying the rope from the slender branch. 

You held the pins tightly in your fist for a moment, as though you could absorb some part of Savvy through them if she’d held them like that once. When the wood felt as warm as your fingers and Joel was still beside you, holding the coil of rope, you opened your hand, picking up one of the pins and looking at it closely. 

You’d been the one who showed Savvy how to carve these pins. You’d never been particularly good at woodworking, nothing like Joel with his even, guided knife strokes that shaped the material into something that seemed to have been held within the grain of it from the beginning, he just helped reveal it. Your daughter was better at it than you. Where your pins were always jagged and harsh, hers had an elegance and smoothness to them, precision in her cuts that you’d never been able to find on your own. You’d always wondered if she’d gotten that trait from her mother or her father, if Mark had been able to shape things and you just hadn’t known. Maybe he hadn’t even known. 

The pins in your fingers were fine and almost smooth and your hand shook as you traced the arc of one. 

“Bambi?” Joel said softly. 

“These are hers,” you said, voice thick. “She… she is so good at making these, hers are always so precise and smooth and almost artistic and…” 

He gently took one from you and you let him. He examined it, too, looking closely. 

“I don’t know where she got it from,” you said, looking at him. “I never… I couldn’t teach her to do it that well, I taught her the basics but she is just good. Even when she makes them quick they’re just good and these are hers, Joel, I know they are.” 

“What would make her abandon a trap?” He asked after a moment, looking back at you. 

You thought for a second. 

“Bad weather, maybe,” you said. “If… if she got hurt. If something drove her out of the area and she didn’t have time to collect everything or if she was too hurt to go back for it, that’s the only thing.” 

He nodded slowly, looking back at the pin.

“Joel,” your voice trembled. “Joel, what if something happened to her? What if she’s hurt? What if someone took her, what…” 

“We don’t know anything yet,” he said gently. “It could have been bad weather and she packed up quick. Or she saw a threat and left before it saw her, too.” 

“We have to look around here,” you said. “Please, Joel, I know we’re heading back but we have to look, I can’t…” 

“We’ll look,” he said. “We’ll look, it’s OK.” 

You just nodded and pressed your forehead into his shoulder. You did it without thinking, it was just instinct. Joel was stable and warm and smelled like home and you needed that. You needed him. He was still for a moment before he put an arm around you, holding you gently. 

“We will find her, baby,” he said gently. “It’s OK.” 

The two of you looked for signs of her immediately around the snare but you weren’t that discouraged when you didn’t find any. It had been weeks, footprints in mud and the scars of missing bark from trees would be long gone. 

“Which way would she go?” Joel asked, watching you. 

You sighed, looking around. Your heart was beating like you were running from something and at a fork in the road, forced to make a life or death choice. 

“There’s water, northeast of here I think, right?” You said, trying to orient yourself. “She knew to stick near where she could find water, I think she’d head that way.” 

Joel nodded slowly. 

“Then that’s where we’ll go.” 

He watched you closely for a moment. Your jaw was tight, whole being taut and tense. He slowly, cautiously, reached for you, giving you every opportunity to pull away from him. You didn’t. Instead, you let him pull your worn body against his, his arms wrapping around you, his lips brushing your hair. You put your arms around him, looping them up and over his back, fingers splaying wide and clutching him close for a moment. 

“It’s OK Bambi,” he said. You could feel his voice in his chest. “It’s going to be OK.” 

You took the lead again, every direction change and choice feeling bigger than any other you’d ever made. Every path not followed hurt, a chance that you were losing. You tried not to think about it but your mind kept getting stuck, as though if you concentrated hard enough you could pull yourself apart and the pieces could keep searching. It didn’t matter much if you couldn’t put it all back together again. If you found her, it was worth it. If you didn’t, what would be the point. 

Dusk was on the horizon when you started looking for a place to stop for the night. 

“What’s that?” Joel said after you’d started looking for a good place to rest as well as for signs of Savvy. “To the east a bit?” 

You looked back at him to see where he meant and followed his eye line. There was a bright spot through the trees about a football field away. You frowned a little. 

“Worth looking at,” you looked back toward Joel. He just nodded before nudging Ares toward the bright spot and you followed with Renaissance. When you went to overtake him, he held his hand out. 

“Should stay behind me,” he said. “Just… in case.” 

You frowned a little but nodded and fell in behind him, watching as he brought his rifle forward. Your grip on Renaissance tightened and she huffed, her ears twitching. 

It was almost a let down when it was just a small clearing. For a moment, you thought it was just a quirk of the forest but you saw another spot just beyond that was brighter, too. You dismounted. 

“Got the map?” You asked, tying Renaissance off on a nearby tree before working your way through the brush to the other bright spot. It was a clearing, too. “Looks like campsites.” 

“Here,” Joel said as you came back over, Ares tied off near Renaissance, the map in his hand. “We’re toward the north end of the Shoshone National Forest. Or should be, anyway.” You nodded, looking at the map. It didn’t have things like camp grounds marked that you could see. “Thinkin’ we’re about here.” 

He pointed to a spot on the map and you nodded again. 

“Near water,” you said, looking back up at him. 

“Yeah,” he said. “It’d be a good spot.” 

“Let me just…” you looked out toward the other clearing. “I’ll be back.” 

You didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, you just went back toward the other site, crossing it this time and working your way through the brush to another site. There were five all told and you found the remains of a fire at the fourth one. You knelt beside the small fire pit, the ash pile tall enough that you could tell it was from more than just a day or two. Joel appeared beside you. 

“Someone was here,” you said, nodding at it. “For a little while.” 

Joel’s hand went to the middle of your back and you jumped a little at his touch before you relaxed into it. 

“Could be,” he said, replying to the words you couldn’t say. You just nodded. 

The two of you settled in for the night, finishing off the rabbit from the night before. You tried not to think about patrolling with Joel. How you’d sit near him and find comfort in his presence, how you wanted to do everything beside him. Part of you still lived in that feeling. The rest of you was still chained to a wall, begging for help but getting none. 

Joel hummed quietly as he carved - some small figure that you were curious about but couldn’t bring yourself to ask after - as you stared at the fire, watching the crackle as the wood popped and sparks flew. 

“Do you think I’m crazy?” You asked, arms looped around your knees, looking across the flames to him when you couldn’t take the silence and distance anymore. 

Joel frowned, raising his eyes to yours.

“No. Why would I think you’re crazy?” 

“For doing this,” you said. “Searching with no real idea of where to go, endless space to look, all for someone I don’t…” 

Your voice broke and you looked back at the fire. 

“No,” he said gently. “Not crazy. I’d do the same thing.” 

“Is that why you’re helping me?” You asked, looking back at him. 

He considered you for a moment, a brief flash of hurt in his eyes. 

“Part of it,” he said eventually. “But, Sweetheart… I’d do anything for you. Lookin’ for your girl… that’s… there’s no question. I’m always going to want to help you, always going to want to take care of you. Doesn’t matter what it is but especially with this.” 

You nodded and buried your face in your arms for a moment before you sighed. 

“I’m scared I’m losing my mind,” you said before looking back at him again. “I don’t know if… If what I’m thinking and hoping and basing all this around is real or if it’s just… For a while, when I was with them, when I thought she was gone, I wanted to die. There just wasn’t a reason for any of it and everything just hurt all the time but I couldn’t do it. I just kept living and I resented it. But, after a while, it’s like I talked myself out of it. I convinced myself that she could be out there. Just enough that I could forget how much it hurt. And then I got out. But every time I saw something that made me think that it could be a sign of her… I think I’ve been moving toward this for a long time. Where I can’t be in limbo anymore and can’t just avoid it, where I need to know and… I don’t know how much of it is real and smart and how much of it is something just made out of the hurt and the fact that it seemed like it should have killed me but it didn’t. I don’t know how sane any of it is, Joel. I don’t. But I don’t know if I can survive without it and…” 

You buried your face in your arms again, tears stinging your eyes. 

“I understand, Bambi,” he said gently. You looked up at him, frowning a little. “I did a lot of that when… after Sarah died. I knew she was gone, there wasn’t a question of that. I felt it happen. But… I couldn’t live with it, either.” 

You frowned a little, watching him closely. 

“Tried to end it,” he said, sniffing once, his voice tight. “Next day. Put a gun to my head, figured it’d be quick. Didn’t work, obviously. Flinched.” 

“Joel…” 

“Spent a lot of years after that hidin’ from it,” he continued, turning his carving over in his hands. “Tried not to think about her. Regret that now. Who knows what I forgot because I was so busy trying to not hurt. Tommy never even said her name. We never talked about her. But it seemed like the best part of my day was the half a second after I woke up when I didn’t remember she was gone. Always felt like she was in the next room, that I’d need to make sure she was moving to get out the door on time for school… It took a long time before I found something else to live for. And it sure seems like she found me, not the other way around. Then we came to Jackson and I… I found you. With her and with you, seemed like there was a reason I flinched back then. Like part of me knew there was a reason to go on and I’d find it eventually. 

“You’ve got that, too. Even if… even if it’s not me and even if it doesn’t seem like it. You have things to live for, baby. Promise you do. You may not even know what they are yet but you have ‘em. You just have to keep living, that’s all. Just keep survivin’. Please.” 

You watched him through the flames for a moment before you got up and came around the flames to sit beside him, close but not so close that you were touching. He froze as you leaned over, slowly, to rest your head on his shoulder. 

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” you said quietly. 

“Me, too,” he replied after a moment. 

“I don’t know what I want right now,” you said, watching the fire. “But I know that I’m glad you exist. That I want you to be happy.” 

You felt him turn ever so slightly, his lips and his nose brushing the top of your head. 

“I’m here for you,” he said softly. “However you want me, I’ll do whatever you want. As long as you’re safe and happy, I’ll do whatever you want.” 

He held his large hand out to you, a small carving of a deer in his fingers. You took it, turning its delicate body in the light. 

“It’s yours, if you want it,” he said quietly. “All yours either way.” 

***

You wanted to follow the river the next day. Joel was fine with that, especially since you picked the route that curved back toward Jackson. Or, at least, in that general direction. It was still a few days ride and he’d already made notes of where you’d found signs of Savvy to come back and check again if the two of you didn’t find her on this trip out. 

You were more yourself than you had been in a long time. The two of you stopped for lunch and to give the horses a longer break and Joel started carving again, just to give himself something to do besides look at you. That hurt too much.

“Can you teach me?” You asked after a few minutes. He looked at you for a moment, surprised you were talking to him at all. It had been a quiet almost two weeks with you. 

“Sure,” he said before you had a chance to take it back. “Want to come sit by me? Grab…” he looked around for a moment before finding a hunk of wood on the ground that looked like it would work. “That there?” 

You nodded and moved to be next to him. Careful, he noticed, to not touch him but close enough that you could easily see his hands. He cleared his throat. 

“Want to find the grain of the wood,” he said, watching as you turned the chunk of wood in your hands. “Want to work with it, go against it and it’ll split.” 

“Makes sense,” you said. Fuck, you were so close to him. 

“Start with a rough cuts, get the outline of what you want to make,” he said. “Knife in your dominant hand, wood in the other. Hold it real firm and cut away from your body in thin slices, don’t go too deep or it’ll fracture.” 

You nodded and looked at the wood again, frowning down at it.

“What do you want to make?” He asked after you didn’t move to cut it. 

“A moose, I think,” you said. “Just not sure where to start.”  

He nodded slowly. 

“Can I?” He asked, hand out. You shrugged and handed the wood over. He turned it in his hands for a moment, getting a feel for the shape of it, finding the grain. “Here,” he said, holding it close to you. “Back’ll probably be this part here…” He notched the blade against the wood and cut into it. “That’ll make this the neck.” He adjusted the knife and cut again. “Legs down here. You try that one.” 

He handed the wood back and your fingers brushed his as you took it. He clenched his hand into a fist in his lap, squeezing some of the tension swelling in him out before releasing it. 

“Here?” You asked, lining up your knife. 

“Yeah,” Joel said. “But turn it a bit so you’re cuttin’ more away from yourself…” He helped you adjust and felt your skin on his again. You made the cut. “There ya go. Go back over the whole thing like that, shave off a bit more…” 

You nodded and set to work and Joel tried to not watch you too obsessively. He didn’t want to push you away or make you uncomfortable but fuck you were so close and you weren’t mad at him. So much of what he remembered of how you felt in his arms had gotten mixed up in the night you’d left Jackson, how he clutched onto you while you screamed. He wasn’t sure you’d ever let him close again and now you were beside him because you chose it. He couldn’t ruin it. He went back to his own carving.

“Alright,” you said eventually, holding up the wood. “Think I’ve got it. Now what?” 

He looked at it and nodded.

“Good job,” he said. “There are two other kinds of cuts you’ll use for the rest of it. One where you pull the knife toward yourself - most common one - and one where you push it. Pull is a lot like paring, you’re gonna brace the wood with your thumb and then pull your knife towards it.”He showed you on his carving and you leaned in close, nodding. “Keep your thumb back so you don’t get hurt, though.” 

You nodded and positioned your hands like his before pressing into the wood. The first cut was jagged but the beginning of the technique was there. And you didn’t cut your thumb, so it was enough for him to call it a success.

“Good,” he said and you looked up at him, smiling a little. 

He showed you how to do the push stroke, too, and the two of you sat in near silence for a bit, working at your carvings. Joel kept glancing your way, trying to not look too long so he didn’t distract you but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful for it. He was close to you, close enough that your elbow brushed against him now and then and he could hear you breathing, with a reason to look at you. He’d have been happy to stay like that for hours, with birds singing and you breathing, like nothing bad had ever happened to either of you at all. 

You’d made good progress when you cursed and hissed, dropping the wood and bringing your hand to your mouth. 

“Cut your thumb?” He asked, setting his carving and knife down. You nodded, thumb between your lips. He held out his hand. “Lemme see.” 

“Uh uh,” you muttered as you sucked on your injured finger. 

“C’mon, Bambi,” he smiled a little. “Happens to everyone, especially when you’re learnin’. Lemme see it.” 

You looked at him with those wide eyes of yours like you were half expecting him to judge you for your slip. But you sighed and pulled your thumb from your mouth and thrust your hand at him. He took it gently, yours so much smaller than his own that it seemed delicate even with the callus from guitar and riding on your fingertips and palms. The cut on your thumb started beading with blood before he had a chance to look at it and he frowned for a second before raising your hand to his mouth, putting your small hurt between his lips and pulling the salt and copper of you into him. Your breath hitched and Joel felt you stiffen beside him and it was only then that he realized what he’d done without thinking, the casual intimacy of caring for your body with his own. There was still a part of him that couldn’t accept the separation from you. It felt like an unnatural thing, you existing so separate from him that you could be hurting next to him and he was supposed to ignore it hadn’t even crossed his mind. He pulled your hand carefully from his mouth. 

“Sorry,” he said, voice gruff, as he delicately examined the cut. It was deeper than he’d hoped but not to the bone. “S’not too bad, lemme just…” He released your hand and went into his bag, pulling out a scrap of fabric he had just for this kind of injury. He took your hand back and poured a little water over the cut before he wrapped it tightly, knotting the cotton around your thumb. “Keep that elevated for a minute, should stop bleeding before too long. When it does, we’ll get going.” 

You nodded and Joel picked up your carving from where you’d dropped it. The moose was starting to take shape, though its form was jagged and rough. But the ruggedness suited it, something powerful not easily contained by the wood. Your blood stained the side of its chest, near where its heart would be. Joel tried to wipe it away but some had already seeped in, a red splotch on its chest.

“I ruined him,” you said, sounding a little sad. Joel glanced over at you, your eyes focused on the small creature in his palm, lips turned into a small frown.

“Think he’ll be alright, Bambi,” Joel smiled a little. “Besides, he only exists because of you. Don’t think you can ruin him.”

After a moment, Joel took your bleeding hand back and checked the bandage. It looked to be holding. 

“We should go,” you said, a little breathless, watching him. 

“Yes,” a voice from behind the two of you said. “You really should.” 

Joel jumped to his feet and drew his gun, aiming it at a group of five men who - while he was distracted by you and your proximity and your blood - had managed to sneak up on him. He cursed himself silently as he glanced quickly to where you’d been. You were on your feet, too, gun drawn and held in front of you. He adjusted so he was between you and them. 

“Not lookin’ for any trouble,” Joel said. “Just passing through. Appreciate it if you’d let us.” 

“Not too fond of folks passing through,” one of the men stepped forward, lowering his gun just a bit. The other four kept their weapons trained on Joel. He wasn’t in a good position to take out a group like this. He wished he had his rifle instead of his handgun but the rifle was strapped to Ares and he was tied to a tree a good 20 feet away. He ground his teeth. “Because it never seems like they’re just passing through.” 

Joel stepped back until he felt you at his back and he breathed a little easier. He just needed to keep you in one piece, that’s all. 

“Well, we are,” Joel said. “Looking for someone, think she might have come through here. Once we look for her, we’ll be on our way.” 

“No one out here but us,” the man said. “Took this territory few months back and believe me, we’re not about to let anyone just take what’s ours.” 

“She wouldn’t steal from you,” you snapped, stepping out from behind Joel. 

“Bambi,” he hissed but you ignored him. 

“She’s a teenager,” you said. “Brown skin, brown eyes, curly hair. She set up a snare about a day’s ride from here so she was probably around for a while…” 

“Told you,” the man said. “Don’t let people take what’s ours. This is our territory, don’t let just anybody hunt on it. We got folks to look after, can’t have just anyone taking animals on our land. Including you. So you can come with us or we can handle this here.” 

Joel glanced at you, trying to do the calculus of what was the best move. Did he risk taking a hand off his weapon to throw you behind him? Did he start shooting and move himself in front of you? Did he try to talk these idiots down? 

“We haven’t hunted in days,” you bit out before Joel had a chance to decide. “Haven’t taken anything of yours, just want to keep looking…” 

“See, now, don’t think I can believe that,” the man said. Joel clenched his jaw. “Sure as shit can’t trust you to just stay in our territory…” 

“We’ll leave,” Joel said, catching a glimpse of your head whipping around to stare him down. “Already heading back toward ours…” 

One of the the four men toward the back took a step closer to you and Joel reacted before he really thought about it. It was instinctual. There was a threat to you and he took that threat down, the gunshot cracking through the air as the man dropped to the earth. 

Everything happened quickly then. There was a split second of near silence, the echo of the bullet hanging heavy over the shocked silence of the surrounding forest, and the shooting began. 

Joel moved for you as one of your bullets hit one of the men. Joel threw you behind a tree and kept shooting as the other men scrambled for cover. 

“Three left,” you said, scrambling to reload before looking up at Joel, panting for breath. “Should leave at least one alive, question him.” 

Joel nodded, gun low. A chunk of tree trunk exploded near his head and he flinched. 

“I’m gonna draw their fire…” 

“No,” you shook your head, cutting him off. “No, you can’t…” 

“You cover me,” he said, ignoring you. “They’re gonna expose themselves to take a shot, take ‘em down then. Stay back. Something happens to me, get out of here, OK?” 

“Joel,” you said, voice sharp and eyes wide, but he pressed on. There was the sharp crack of another bullet hitting the tree. 

“You need to stay alive for her, OK?” He said. “Understand? You’re the only one who knows she’s missing and how to find her so you stay alive for her.” 

He didn’t wait for you to respond. Instead he looked back over his shoulder and around the tree, as much as he dared to catch a glimpse of their positions before looking back at you. 

“I’m going on three, OK baby?” He looked in your eyes for what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time and took a deep breath. He wanted to touch you, promise you it was all going to be OK, but kept his hands on his gun. “I love you. No matter what.” 

He counted down before you had a chance to say anything back and ran for a tree that would give him cover while also giving him a chance to get closer to the last of the men. A bullet passed so close to him he felt it on the air and you started shooting almost immediately, your second shot hitting one of the men in the chest. Joel kept shooting and so did you, but he was pretty sure it was his shot that felled the next man, just as he reached the other tree. That left one who was alive. He reloaded and looked over to you from his new position, your chest heaving but face set firm. He jerked his head back, hoping you’d understand what he wanted you to do. You nodded once. He held up three fingers and you nodded again. He counted down and you both moved. He tracked you with his eyes for a moment, thankful you got what he’d been trying to communicate with you. You moved quickly but delicately around the edge of the trees, going to loop around the back side of where the men were hiding. Joel went the other way. With any luck, he’d meet you in the middle by the final man. 

“You two sure cause a lot of trouble for folks just passin’ through,” the first man called. Joel was quiet. That meant he probably hadn’t seen the two of you start to move. “Should understand why we kill everyone who comes through. Probably killed that girl you’re after. If she was around here few months back we did.” Joel clenched his jaw. He was getting close to the man’s position, having to move slowly to not make a sound. “Cleared the land when we took over, folks could join up or they got handled. If she’s anything like you two, she got handled.” 

Joel barely had a chance to hope you didn’t take the bait when you roared, the sound sharp and harsh. He moved quickly then, just in time to see you knock the man’s gun out of his hand as he got a shot off. It grazed your arm but you didn’t seem to notice. You tackled him but couldn’t leverage yourself to stay on top fast enough and he slammed you into the ground with a sickening thud. You were still as he scrambled to his feet and brought his foot down, hard, on your arm. Joel heard it snap half a second before you screamed and he finally - finally - reached the man, looping an arm around his throat and pulling him back, pressing the gun to his temple. 

“That was a fuckin’ mistake,” he growled. The man clawed uselessly at Joel’s arm. “If you’re smart, you’ll cooperate. If you ain’t, that’s OK too. Don’t mind forcing you.” 

Joel looked down toward you, tears in your eyes as you lay flat on your back, pupils blown. 

“You still with me, baby?” He asked, resisting the urge to snap the man’s neck. You nodded and blinked tears from your eyes. “Good. Stay put, just a minute, OK?” 

Joel wrenched the man around and shoved him to the ground before pressing him back against a tree. He flinched back for a moment and Joel almost smiled at him. He was afraid. Afraid was good.

“Gonna ask you just a few questions,” Joel said, gun still pressed to the man’s chest. “And you can tell me what I want to know or I can hurt you. Either way, I get what I want. Don’t matter much to me which way it goes.” 

“Sure we can work something out,” the man said, his eyes darting and wide. “We’ve got a good crew, we’re setting up something permanent, could use someone with your skills…” 

“Don’t need a place,” Joel cut him off. “Especially not with someone who would kill a kid. That what you did? You kill a kid?” 

“Look…” he said but Joel turned the gun down and pressed it to the man’s thigh, pulling the trigger. The shot was nearly deafening and the spray of blood was hot as the man screamed, his hands flying to his mangled leg, his torso arching over his injured limb. Joel calmly wiped the man’s blood off his gun using some denim that had missed the splatter before he holstered it. He pulled out his knife and opened it before pressing his knee into the shin of the man’s injured leg. He screamed again and Joel held up the knife.

“Got plenty of places I can put this, too,” he said, voice calm. “So answer the question. Did you kill a kid?” 

“I’m sorry,” he slumped back against the tree, his hands clutching around his injured thigh, as though that would hold him together. “We… we killed a lot of people when we moved in here, there were people all through this area but they… they weren’t organized, just nomads. They were a threat, we’ve been running from another group, made it far enough from where they mark their territory, needed to stake a claim before we lost that, too. We offered… anyone we found we offered a place but if they didn’t hold up their end or if they turned it down we killed ‘em, couldn’t let ‘em live, they knew too much, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” 

“Still haven’t answered the question,” Joel said. “Did you kill a kid?” 

“My kid,” you said, voice closer than Joel had expected it. He glanced back to you and you were standing just behind him, cradling your arm to your chest. “She’s 14, brown skin, brown eyes, curly hair. She was out here about two months ago. Seen anyone like that?” 

Joel tried to not picture Sarah trying to navigate the wilderness alone.

“No,” the man shook his head quickly. “No, I haven’t I swear I haven’t, not back at the settlement, not out here, I haven’t, I promise! I promise.” 

“Any of your buddies mention someone like that?” Joel asked, knife still in hand. “Any of your buddies take a liking to teenaged girls?” 

“What?” He frowned. Joel sighed and thrust the knife into the man’s good leg at the knee. He screamed, shooting forward in pain. Joel waited for the choking sobs to turn to whimpers. 

“Asked if your buddies might have mentioned her,” he said. “Or if any of ‘em like teenaged girls. Think you know what I’m askin’.” 

The man panted and looked up at you, as though you’d help him. Joel grabbed the man’s chin, yanking his gaze back to him. 

“Not at her,” he said. “You’re with me. Answer the question or I’m gonna make things a whole lot worse for you. Any of your buddies mention a girl like her? Any of them have a habit of taking up with girls?” 

“No,” he said, tears streaming down his face. “No, none of them mentioned her but…” 

Joel was quiet for a moment, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, he gripped the knife, adding just enough pressure that the man yelped and started panting for breath. 

“But?” Joel asked. 

“But they wouldn’t have mentioned her!” He cried out, opening his eyes to look up at you again. “We didn’t talk about who we took out, there were a few dozen and… I’m sorry, if she was here… if she was here when we came through…” 

Joel pulled the knife out before he could finish the statement. You didn’t need to hear that. 

“Where’s your settlement?” Joel asked, wiping the blood on a clean spot on the man’s shirt before pressing the point to the man’s throat, just enough that he’d feel the sharp of it.

“Northeast!” He said. “Northeast, just south of the road going into Cody, about 20 miles west of the town. We… we’ve claimed through here all the way about five miles south as ours, we’ve got about 250 folks up that way…” 

Joel nodded and closed the knife before standing. He looked over at you, at the cold and detached look in your eyes. 

“Bambi,” he said gently, but you ignored him. 

Instead, you pulled out your gun and aimed it at the man’s head. He barely had a chance to raise his hands, didn’t have a chance to beg for his life, before you shot him point blank, his blood splattering your good hand as your broken arm hung, limp and misshapen, at your side. The man’s body slumped over and you screamed at it, the sound seeming like it was ripping up from the center of you. You screamed until you were out of breath and you stood there, standing over the man’s broken form, the gun dangling from your fist, tears in your eyes. 

Joel wordlessly went to one of the other men, one he’d shot in the head. The blood splatter on his shirt was minimal. He pulled it off the corpse and brought it over to you. 

“Give me your arm,” he said gently. You didn’t seem to hear him. He gingerly took the elbow of your broken arm and you jumped, looking at him like you were surprised he was there. “Here, it’s OK sweetheart.” 

He tucked your arm into the soft flannel before he tied the sleeves of the shirt together and draped it around your neck. He went to your other arm, the one that had been grazed by the gunshot and looked at you for a moment, a silent request for permission. You gave him a single nod before he poured water over the wound, cleaning it as best he could. It didn’t look too bad, at least. It would leave a scar but the damage shouldn’t be anything more than that. He got a bandage from his pack and wrapped it around your bicep before tying it off. 

“Bambi,” he said again, though he wasn’t sure what he was going to say. 

“We should move,” you said, your voice flat. “Sure that drew plenty of attention.” 

You stalked back over to where the horses had been tethered - thankfully safe from the gunfire - and stopped to pick up the carving and your knife from the ground. Joel followed behind you and watched as you carefully packed the half-formed moose away before tucking the folded knife into your pocket. He went to help you up onto Renaissance but you brushed him off. 

“Broken bones before,” you snapped. You tried to glare at him but your eyes were so empty. “Know how to get on a horse with one, I’m not useless.” 

“OK,” he said softly. “I’m here if you need.” 

You mounted up fine - not that he should have been surprised - and Joel got on Ares, both horses surprisingly serene given the gunfight that had happened not far from them only 20 minutes earlier. But Joel knew you’d worked to desensitize them to the sound of guns. You’d made them all but warhorses, sturdy enough to withstand anything the apocalypse would throw at them. It had served the two of you well.

“They said northeast, right?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder at him. 

“Bambi…” 

“If they killed her, I’m killing them,” you said. “I don’t care.” 

“You don’t know that they did,” he said, bringing his horse alongside yours. 

You stared him down. 

“Sounds like they killed enough to deserve it either way.” 

“Maybe so,” Joel said carefully. He tried to imagine how someone would need to talk him down from killing everyone who’d planned to kill Ellie. If someone would have even been able to stop him from killing every person in that goddamn hospital. “But you’re hurt…”

“Joel.”

 “We’re low on ammo. Goin’ now will just get you killed and…” 

“So?” You yelled. “Do you think I care? You think it matters if…” 

“It matters!” He yelled back, his chest tight. He fought to stay in the present, stay with you here in the wild and not in a field outside Austin as he felt his daughter die and not on the floor of a broken house with your cold, barely breathing body pressed against him. “It matters to me and it matters to Ellie and, goddammit, it matters to your daughter! You don’t know, Bambi, you can’t know if she’s gone. But you’re the only one who knows how to look for her and I’m not going to let you throw that away, I’m not. I am not takin’ you there and we both know that, without one arm, you ain’t gettin’ far without me. We’re going back to Jackson. Now.”

You stared him down for a moment, a shadow of rage in your eyes before that died, too. He made you take the lead so he could keep a proper eye on you and the two of you made decent progress before stopping for the night, Joel hunting on the way so he wasn’t going to leave you unattended. He took your weapons when you did. You glared at him but handed over your side arm. 

“Knife, too,” he said, his hand out. 

“Fuck you.” 

He didn’t take the bait. He just kept his hand out. After a moment, you wrenched it out of your pocket and smacked it into his waiting palm. 

“Thank you.” 

You kept your distance from him that evening, just staring blankly into the fire and cradling your broken arm. 

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Bambi,” he said as you set up to sleep and he got set to keep watch. “I’m trying to protect you.” 

“I know,” you said quietly. 

It took days to reach Jackson, your arm discolored and pain the only thing visible in your eyes when you got there. Joel brought you straight to the clinic and walked you inside, still not willing to let you out of his sight. He couldn’t hold your body. Not yours, too. 

He took the horses to the stables, giving a confused Renaissance an extra apple as she chuffed, looking for you. 

“Gettin’ her taken care of, too,” he said gently stroking her neck. She bobbed her large head. “She’ll… she’ll get there. It’s OK.” 

He went back to the clinic after and sat on the steps outside, waiting for you to come out, hoping he wouldn’t see Ellie until he went home for the night. He wanted to see her, hug her, but he wasn’t sure if you could handle it. And he didn’t want to try to explain everything to her, at least not everything about you. 

Joel wasn’t sure how long he sat there waiting when the door behind him opened with a creak and he turned to see you standing at the top of the steps, your arm in a proper cast with more than a makeshift sling this time. 

“You’re still here,” you said, your voice flat. 

“Figured I’d walk you home,” he replied. 

“What, haven’t had enough of me over the last few weeks?” You asked. It seemed like you’d meant to put your usual bite behind the words but they were just hollow. 

“No,” he replied. “No such thing as enough of you.” 

He carried your pack for you, walking alongside you on your slow path home. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked after a few minutes of silence. 

You shrugged. 

“Took some doing to get my arm set. Had worse.” 

Joel nodded. 

“And how are you feeling… outside that.” 

You were quiet for a moment. 

“I don’t know.” 

He nodded again, making his way to the front gate of your home. You opened it and didn’t stop him from coming up the walk so he followed you to your door. You stopped there, holding out your good arm for your bag. 

“Thanks for your help,” you said, looking at his chest instead of really at him. 

“Course,” he said. You went to open your door but he stopped you, a large hand cupped gently around the elbow of your intact arm. “Bambi…” 

You looked at him with those wide eyes. He sighed. 

“I don’t know if it’s right, leaving you here alone.” 

“I’ll be OK,” you shrugged. “Not your job to worry about me.” 

“I want to worry about you.” 

You sighed. 

“Joel…” 

“I do,” he said. “Doesn’t matter what you do or say, I do. And I’m going to.” 

You looked at him. 

“I don’t think it’s good for us to spend time together right now,” you said. 

He tried to not let the hurt show, the feeling of a knife twisting in his gut. 

“You want something different than me,” you continued. “And I just… I can’t. Not right now. And I don’t think us spending time together is smart.” 

Joel nodded slowly. 

“I can wait.” 

“You shouldn’t,” you said, chin jutting out defiantly. The knife twisted again. “You should move on. It’s for the best.” 

“And what are you gonna do?” He asked. 

You sighed and looked back out at the street. There were birds in the distance and the wind blew in the smell of apple blossoms from the orchard just outside the walls. It would be idyllic if his heart wasn’t cracking open and bleeding on your porch. 

“Survive, I guess.” 

“Bambi,” you looked back at him. “Meant what I said out there. You can’t give up, OK? You have to find something to fight for. You can. I know you can. And we don’t know if what they said was true, we can’t know. We can keep looking. Once you’re healed, we’ll find another window, we’ll search. She got out of there in a hurry, she probably just…” 

“Right,” you said. It didn’t sound like you believed it. 

“Promise me,” he said. 

You frowned. 

“Promise you what?” 

“That if I leave you here you won’t do what I did,” he said. “That you’ll be stronger than me and live with it. That if you need someone you’ll come to me and you won’t try to do it alone. Because I meant it, all of it. May not be the same for you anymore but that’s OK. Think I can love you enough for the both of us, just come to me when you need it, please. Need you to promise me, sweetheart. Please.” 

“Joel…” 

“Promise me.” 

 Your eyes met his and, for a moment, he could have sworn he saw a shadow of the spark of you there. That you were there, buried deep in grief and pain and betrayal. 

You took a deep breath.

“I promise.” 

Joel slowly, cautiously, raised a hand to cup your cheek. You didn’t stop him. Instead, you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, your lips parting like you were going to kiss him. But you didn’t and he didn’t try to take it. Instead, he tilted your head and nuzzled against your forehead for a moment before kissing you there, pressing his lips against your skin, breathing in the smell of your hair. He lingered against you as long as he could before he stepped back, taking a moment to memorize you. 

You took a deep breath. 

“Goodbye, Joel.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“Goodbye, Bambi.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: I am so so sorry for the wait on this and for the fact that it's a bit of a monster chapter. It got away from me, I admit. I'm trying to get back into the swing of my regular writing cadence now that the holidays are through and I so appreciate you being here and your patience ❤️

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-seventeen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: Don't forget your wigs, y'all.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid

NOAH

“I mean in what world do I go to sleep after you and wake up before you? I don't even know how it happens. Well, I hope you're having sweet dreams and you call me when you wake up.”

The noise of my mouse clicking was overshadowed as I played the voicemail repeatedly, sometimes with different remix as I tried to find the best one. After the initial shock of hearing the song, the voicemail, and realizing my feelings for her, I knew I needed to do something with the voicemail.

Someone knocked on the door of the studio but I didn’t take my eyes off the screen, still working. “Come in!”

“You’ve been in here awhile, just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Jolly said while pulling up a chair next to me.

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been busy working on something.”

He eyed the screen as I worked through the program we used, the voicemail still playing.

“Are you sure you want to use this?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged with a sigh. “I figured we could remix it and bury it in a song.”

Jolly hesitated. “You’re not worried about her hearing it?”

Finally taking my attention away from the computer, I leaned back in my chair while adjusting my circle shaped, gold-rimmed glasses on my nose. “Clearly she wasn’t worried about me hearing it. Y/N knew what she was doing when she added that voicemail in the song.”

“I want to make sure you know what you’re doing, that’s all,” he said.

“I’ve been working on it all morning but still doesn’t feel right,” I admitted.

Jolly rose to his feet and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll figure it out; you always do. Make sure you come out and eat something before we leave.”

Waving him off as he left the room, I decided not to go back to the remix so instead I took a break by browsing through my phone. There were three unread texts messages, all from Bailey, but I didn’t feel like reading them. I already knew what she was asking.

Last night she asked if I wanted to hang out with her today but I’d already made plans; one that I wouldn’t skip out on.

So instead of responding to her texts, I browsed through social media for a few minutes before ending up looking through my pictures, stopping on a selfie. It was from when I watched Salem for Y/N while she was in Japan. In the haste of everything since she came back, I realized I never sent it to her. After watching her performance on the live stream a few days ago, something was different.

I love her.

The words felt weird on my tongue, almost foreign. I told the guys all the time that I loved them but this kind of love was different. It hit me really hard, I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve been through so many ups and downs, trials and tribulations with relationships. Sometimes, I couldn’t stand myself- I’d turn every mirror around. With Y/N, she moved and breathed in the same world with me. She was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was who she was, and I loved her.

Those feelings always had been buried deep within me but now when I say those three words out loud, it’s as if everything clicked into place. Almost as if that’s the way it's supposed to be with us, despite all the anger, hurt, and trials we’d gone through the last year.

Y/N’s eyes stole my heart. Her smile gave me life. Her presence made me high. And her touch left me breathless.

For now, I tried to hold these secrets inside of me because my mind was like a deadly disease.

My phone buzzed with yet another message, one I tried to ignore but my eyes immediately went towards it as it appeared on the top of my screen.

Bailey: Hi! Not sure if you saw my other message but I’m off work around three today if you wanted to hang out.

Swiping the message away, I went back to staring at the picture, wondering if I should send it to Y/N or not. It wasn’t a favorite selfie of mine but there was a chance she would appreciate it because Salem was in it.

After saying fuck it, I sent Y/N the picture, before deciding to text Bailey, hoping to avoid another one from her.

ME: I already have plans with some of the guys today. Maybe I can swing by later tonight.

As my text to Y/N went unread, I tried not to dwell on it for too long. Until the nagging voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that there was a reason she was ignoring my texts. Just as I clicked on the Hollow Omens group text thread, a private one from Malcolm popped up.

Malcolm: Hey, we’re sorry to do this but Y/N’s in a lot of pain today. She’s doesn’t think she’s going to make it tonight.

Feeling my heart drop, I sat up straighter in my chair, pausing the voicemail I just realized was still playing.

ME: Is she alright? Does it have to deal with her endometriosis?

As I waited for him to respond, I left the studio and headed to my bedroom, rummaging though my desk to look for my notes I took on endometriosis and ways to help elevate the pain. All of us had plans tonight to head to the pier for a night of gorging on street food and watch the fireworks. It was an annual thing our town did, and we figured it’d be something fun to check out. It’s all I could think about the last few days and the slight chance Y/N wouldn’t make it didn’t sit right with me.

When I slipped into my vans, my phone buzzed with a new text from Malcolm.

Malcolm: Yeah, it’s bad today. Her doctor switched up her meds but they don’t seem to help. She’s in the bath right now. But that’s the first time she got out of bed today.

Doing my best to ignore the thoughts of Y/N in the bath, I pocketed my wallet and phone before leaving my room. I passed Orie on the way down the stares and he gave me a look.

“Where are you headed? We’re not meeting everyone until later.”

I waved over my shoulder as I headed to the front door. “I’ve got some errands to run. I’ll meet you guys later.”

READER

I let out a long groan of pain while clutching my midsection, burying my face deeper into my pillow. The bath did nothing to ease the cramps even with the meds. I was apprehensive about changing the dosage but my doctor thought a lighter amount would be fine since the pain wasn’t that bad for the last few months.

The noise coming from my television was a white noise as I readjusted my position on the bed, hoping with me laying on my stomach, it would ease the pain somewhat; it did. I had the blanket pulled up to my chin as I reached for my phone, deciding to send a text to the Hollow Omens group chat to let everyone know I wasn’t able to make it tonight. But a new message from Noah halted that thought as I clicked it open, my breath catching in my throat at the picture.

Mochi 🍡: I forgot I took this picture while you were in Japan. I miss him, I might have to come steal him for the night.

I couldn't stop myself from staring at the picture for an ungodly normal amount of time. His hair was shorter than it was now, Noah must have got it cut when I was gone. But fuck, he looked breathtaking. There was a quick thought of setting this picture as the background on my phone. I didn’t want to have to explain it to the guys or hell, even Bailey if she noticed so instead I opted in setting it as Noah’s new contact picture; replacing the one of him in the braids back from that night.

Noah fit so well with me-with Salem. Like a small family would be.

Oh fuck, stop.

I shook my head at the thought. I blew that chance; over. Done.

Well, maybe there was still a small chance for us?

No, don’t even think of it.

Dusk is just an illusion because the sun is above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are there. One cannot be without the other yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel to be always together yet forever apart?

With a wavering sigh as the pain returned, I dropped my phone to the floor as I curled into a ball hugging the pillow to my chest.

NOAH

I knocked on the door with my free hand, the other grasping a bag close to my chest while my foot tapped to a melody I had stuck in my head all day. Ever since trying to remix the voicemail earlier, I had this same tune and lyrics in my head.

“Am I worthy?” I hummed as the front door opened.

Chase doubled back in surprise when he saw me. “Oh hey, man, what’s up? I wasn’t expecting to see you till later.”

I nodded. “Malcolm texted me saying Y/N’s not feeling that great.”

“Yeah,” he ran a hand over his buzzed head while moving to the side, allowing me to step inside. “It’s been one of those days. The pain is really bad, and she hasn’t left her room.”

“I brought her some things, hoping it helps. I know she was excited about our night at the pier so anything to help her feel better,” I held up the bag in my hand.

Chase gave me an amused expression before nodding down the hall. “Third door on the left.”

As I approached her door, the faint sound of her television and a muffled noise gave me slight pause before I knocked softly.

“Angel?”

Nothing.

So I knocked harder. “Angel, it’s me.”

It was a faint, but I heard her grant me entrance, where I slowly opened her door and noticed Y/N crouched in her bed with a pillow against her chest, blanket pulled up to her nose. Her eyes darted from the television over to me, doubling.

“Hey,” I said while shutting the door

“Noah?” She pulled the blanket away from her face as she sat up in bed. “What are you doing here?”

I smiled while setting the back down on the empty side of her bed. “I heard you weren’t feeling well, so I brought some things over.

Y/N stiffened for a long moment before he shoulders fell slightly. “They told you? Everything, I’d assume.”

“Are you upset?”

“No,” she sighed. “I just-I don’t know. It’s a lot to take in and understand.”

I waved her off. “I did my research on Endometriosis; from what Malcolm and Chase told me. So I brought some goodies for you.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” Y/N’s bottom lip wavered as she let out a deep breath. “Aren’t you busy with writing or-Bailey?”

I didn’t miss the way she stuttered out Bailey’s name but kept it to myself as I began unpacking things from the bag.

“She’s at work, it’s all good. Please, angel, let me be here for you. I’ve got some snacks and other shit.”

A tiny smile pulled at her lips before Y/N eventually nodded. “I mean, yeah. Please, I appreciate this so much, Noah. Thank you.”

I tossed on the bed a variety of snacks and drinks, her immediately reaching for the Reeses Peanut butter cups.

“How’d you know these were my favorite?”

I merely shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

Bullshit. I texted Malcolm to ask.

Our eyes locked, the invisible string that connected us vibrated in my chest.

“You wear glasses?” Y/N asked.

My hands quickly went to my face, feeling self conscious of her tone of voice. “Uh, yeah. I kind of forgot I was wearing them. I left the house in a hurry.”

“You look-,” her words trailed off for a long beat of silence as her eyes shined with light.

I look what, angel?

My fingers tapped against my thigh as I waited for her answer.

Y/N hesitated before answering. “Like a dork.”

Rolling my eyes with a chuckle, I tossed one of her pillows at her as she smacked it away with her own laughter echoing through her room.

“Oh,” I remembered while rummaging through the bag. “I also picked this up. You can always get a better one later but I’m sure you needed something to help a little. I read that heat helps with the cramping from Endometriosis.”

“Wait, a minute. You read?” She teased before taking the heating pad from me with a small smile of thanks.

“Don’t be a smartass, ma’am,” I chuckled. “I just wanted to learn more about this and want to help anyway I can, angel.”

She blinked slowly as she stared down at the heating pad and treats in her hand. “This is-uh. Thank you.

Noticing she was seconds away from crying, I set the empty bag on the ground before reaching for the remote next to her on the bed. “Ok now scoot over.”

“What?” Her gaze finally tore from the things in her hand up to me.

I motioned for her to scoot closer to the right side of her bed while I kicked off my shoes. “Make some room. We’re going to watch something on Netflix while we eat our snacks.”

“Mochi, for real?” Y/N smiled.

“Yeah for real, move,” I pushed her shoulder which made her finally move over towards the other side of the bed.

Making sure there was still space between us as I laid down next to her, I resumed the show Y/N was watching on Netflix as we silently watched while eating the snacks. After some time, I noticed she shifted deeper into the bed and pulled the blanket closer to her chest, a look of pain across her face.

“Are you alright?” I asked turning towards her.

Y/N shook her head. “The pain; it’s really bad. My doctor switched my meds, but it doesn’t seem to help.”

Quickly, I sat up from the bed to plug in her heating pad and handed it to her. “Try it.”

I watched as she adjusted herself in the bed with the heating pad against her abdomen with a sigh. “You really don’t have to do all of this, Noah. I know you must be busy.”

“I’m never busy for you, angel,” I promised while hopping over her into the bed.

The door pushed open with a small meow before Salem jumped up into the bed, immediately climbing and laying on my chest. With one hand propped up behind my head, I used the other hand to pet Salem’s head; his purring overpowering the noise of the television.

“He missed you,” Y/N said, not taking her eyes off the movie.

“I missed him too,” I mused while leaving pepper-like kisses all over the cat's face.

The comfortable silence fell between us again for a long while now with me peering over at her now and then to make sure she was alright. The heating pad seemed to have worked because gone from her face was the look of pain, instead the ethereal look I fell in love with graced her features. I marveled in the one dimple in her cheek as she laughed at something funny; the sound making my stomach flutter. I drank in the sight of how when her hair fell into her face, the lines in her forehead creased as she tried to blow it out of her eyes, failing miserably so ended up brushing it away.

“Why are you staring at me?” Y/N asked, breaking my trance.

“Just memories,” I smirked while grabbing my coconut water and taking a drink.

Her cheeks reddened before clearing her throat, just as the movie ended. “Should we watch another?”

“Actually,” I said while reaching for my phone that I placed on the end table, not disturbing the sleeping Salem. “I have something else to show you.”

“Oh, you do, huh? Is it another selfie?”

I scoffed while giving her a sideways glance. “You’re spicy today, aren't you?”

Noticing another text message from Bailey, I ignored it by clicking on my Spotify app; I chose the playlist I made while waiting in line at the store to check out.

“I made this for you. It’s a playlist of different earthy type songs or meditation sounds. Something to help you with the pain,” I explained while letting her peer over to get a glance at the different songs.

“An Incomplete List of Songs I Love That You Will Probably Love Too (Actually)?” She read back the name of the playlist.

I shrugged. “It’s not the weirdest one. So, which song?”

Y/N hummed while scrolling through my phone as I held it before finally settling on one. “Runaway by Aurora. I love that one.”

My heart stuttered in my chest at her choice; memories came flooding back. She didn’t know it but that song helped pull me out of a dark place in my life.

Running a hand over my jaw, I nodded while clicking on the song and connected it to Y/N’s smart speaker in her room.

As we lay there, listening to song after song, we let the soft tunes ease us into a state of calmness. While I pet Salem, quietly singing along to the words, I heard a soft snore beside me and noticed Y/N fell asleep. Her lips were parted slightly and her chest rose and fell with each deep breath.

Taking off my glasses and setting them on the table next to me, I sunk deeper into the pillow and eyes fluttering shut.

After some time, unsure how long, I woke first to notice that both of us had turn towards each other in our sleep, our faces mere inches from each other and hands grazing over one another in the middle of the bed. The earlier melody still in my head but now as I stared at Y/N, the words now clearing through the fog that clouded my mind.

“Weigh down on me, stay till morning,” I hummed low, slowly brushing a strand of hair out of her face, letting my fingers linger along the skin of her neck. “Way down. Would you say I’m worthy?”

Y/N shifted in her sleep as I pulled my hand away, eyes fluttering open. Our eyes locked, and she gave me a lazy smile. “Oh, we must have moved in our sleep.”

Fuck, my heart, stomach, and dick twitched at her tired voice.

“Did I wake you?” I muttered quietly.

She yawned while cuddling the pillow. “I don’t know. I thought I heard some humming or singing. Do you have a melody in your head?”

I swallowed. “Yeah, guess I do.”

MALCOLM

While walking down the hall, ready to head to the pier, I stopped in front of Y/N’s room to check and see how she was feeling. A shocked hum fell from my lips when I noticed there was more than one body in her bed.

Y/N and Noah were asleep facing each other, their fingers linked; subconsciously or not, it was as if their souls needed to be connected at all times. Salem laid between them.

“Oh man,” I sighed sweetly but there was that lingering fear that Y/N would get hurt again.

After closing the door, I made my way into the living room where Chase was lounging on the couch, playing a drum beat with his hands on his lap. I laid a kiss to the top of his head before going into the kitchen, grabbing a drink from the fridge.

“I didn’t know Noah was here,” I said while hopping onto the counter.

Chase nodded. “He came by a few hours ago. I guess he wanted to help Y/N with the pain.”

I made a low, amused noise. “Seemed to help. They’re both sleeping.”

“Really?”

“Yep, curled up facing each other with Salem between them. Like a little family.”

Chase rolled his eyes with a deep sigh. “They don’t even realize what’s happening; even in their sleep. This thing between them, you read about it. It what everyone looks for. Why don’t they fucking see it?”

I shrugged with my own deep sigh. “Fear? Anxiety? Who knows but I have a feeling shit’s about to hit the fan soon, babe. I really do.”

BRYAN

The large group of us walked down the pier, the loud music and smell of food from the fair filling the air. I walked between Malcolm and Orie, as Noah walked ahead with Folio, Nick, and Jolly. Every so often, I’d catch Noah peer over his shoulder to make sure we were all following.

Bringing the camera up to my neck, I took a few differnt pictures; the pink painted skyline, the crashing of the water underneath, then when Noah peered over his shoulder yet again, I took a picture of him. I began clicking a bunch of buttons to zoom in, noticing Noah wasn’t staring at the camera; more so off to the left of me.

Glancing over my shoulder, I immediately noticed who Noah was watching.

Y/N walked alongside with Michael, Matt, and Jesse, all four of them laughing about something unknown. We were told earlier that there was a chance Y/N wouldn’t be able to make it because she didn’t feel well. Clearly whatever Noah planned for her earlier today helped.

When I glanced from Y/N back to Noah, already seeing that he was looking directly at me. Without saying a word, he told me exactly what he was thinking with a small smile.

I motioned to my camera. “Definitely a keeper; Noah. I’ll be sure to save this one.”

As we reached the main area of the fair, we all agreed on getting some food before the firework show. It was busy, crowds of people pushing their way through to get to where they needed. The occasional shocked expression was thrown towards us as people recognized Bad Omens and Hollow Souls. Thankfully, they stayed away knowing that we all wanted to enjoy our personal time.

Y/N sat at a table with Chase as Noah walked up with two large cups of sodas and a funnel cake, one he clearly was planning on sharing. The three of them attacked the funnel cake as Chase talked about how excited he was for the new drum track he was working on.

Once again, I was stuck watching this fiasco that was Y/N and Noah. There is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind- this was all easy to us, but for them? Not so much. As an observer to the left eye, forgetting the truth behind what is current; they sat together, chilling out, doing what friends do, but, he looked at her the way all women want to be looked at by a man. I don’t believe I ever looked at a woman that way; at least not yet.

Y/N was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines, I could totally see why Noah had his tongue stuck in his throat. Around her, he would retreat into this shy, introverted person around her company. Stealing those glances so subtly. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if others were sad, even when she, out of all people, were sad.

Before when I snapped the picture, I didn’t even catch he wasn’t looking over at me at all. His almond eyes were shifted, never me or the camera. Just her; Y/N. I don’t know shit about love, not right now and maybe not even a year from now. But I can say this-there are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice. I had a feeling they would find something somehow. The photo I took, the peripheral vision of her staring right back at him was proof.

I raised my camera, recording now, as Y/N walked to throw away the garbage and Noah running up behind her to lift her into the air twirling her around.

“Noah! Stop!” She giggled while wrapping her arms around his neck.

“What?” Noah stopped spinning. “Let you go?”

Y/N shrieked as he nearly dropped her. “No, you idiot! Don’t let me go!”

This short clip of them along with the picture from before were definitely keepers.

NOAH

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Y/N laid a hand on Malcolm’s back as he was doubled over, hands on his knees.

He dry heaved before nodding. “I’ll be fine.”

Chase sighed as he held back Malcolm’s hair. “Babe, you know how sick you get when you eat fair food then try to ride the teacup ride.”

“Fuck you,” he grumbled.

I chuckled as watching the three of them.

“Maybe we should go,” Chase said when Malcolm threw up yet again into the trash can.

Y/N hesitated but nodded. “Uh, yeah. Let me just get my things.”

My heart sank to my stomach because I wasn’t ready for her to leave yet. We were only here for about an hour and the fireworks show hadn’t started yet.

“I can take you home later, angel,” I offered.

Her eyes sparkled with the setting sun as she smiled over to me. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you for a ride.”

“I’ll make sure she gets home safe,” I spoke towards Chase.

He nodded while helping Malcolm stand up straight. “Have her home by midnight.”

Y/N scoffed. “A curfew?!”

I squinted my eyes. “12:30?”

She looked between the two of us, disbelief on her face, until Chase reluctantly agreed with a nod. “Not a second later!”

“I hate you, fuckers,” Y/N seethed with a hint of a smile before waving goodbye to the two of them and muttering something about needing to use the bathroom before the show.

“I’ll wait right here for you,” I said; with more meaning behind it than she might have realized.

She patted my cheek. “You’re a good man, Noah.”

Playfully pushing her away, heart pounding loudly in my chest, I watched with careful eyes as she walked over to the restroom to make sure she was safe. In that time, Jolly, Folio, and Jesse came up to me.

“The others found a great spot on the beach for the show,” Jolly informed.

I nodded while pointing to the bathroom. “Y/N’s in the bathroom. I said I’d wait for her.”

Folio was texting away on his phone as Jesse spoke next. “Where’s Chase and Malcolm?”

“Malcolm got sick so Chase took him home,” I chuckled. “I offered to drop Y/N off later.”

Jolly raised a brow. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Weren’t you planning to go hang out with Bailey?”

My eyes snapped over to him at the mention of Bailey. “I’m not going to fuck Y/N in the car.”

Folio’s eyes snapped up from his phone. “You fucked Y/N in the car?”

“Oh my god,” I pinched my eyes shut with a groan.

Jesse peered over Folio’s shoulder to his phone. “Oh shit. She wants to see that movie? I saw a trailer for it last night. It looks fucking sick.”

“Hey, fuck off!” Folio scolded while putting his phone to his chest.

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Y/N walking back towards us but stopped when someone stepped in her path. She gave whoever it was a tight smile as they rambled something, talking fast with their hands.

“Who’s that?” Jesse asked.

“Must be a fan with how excited he looks talking to her,” Jolly said.

Y/N tried to speak, but the guy didn’t let her; kept rambling as he pulled out his phone. I didn’t miss the way she stiffened, clearly uncomfortable. My eyes narrowed as it watched intently to make sure this guy didn’t try anything.

Why does it matter? You’re with Bailey.

“Noah, are you going to go all Jack Nicholson on him or what?” Folio joked.

“What?” I shook my head. “No-I’m just watching from afar to make sure she’s alright.”

At first, I thought I wanted to be set free from the pain of Y/N leaving me that night. I thought by being with someone else it would help deliver me from her hands, but it hasn’t. I watched the dude talk and talk and talk. She wasn’t into it, but it wasn’t my place to intervene. I wanted too.

I’m going to stand right here, with my hands in my pocket. I’m going to stand right-oh, what the fuck!

I watched as the guy went in for a hug but it wasn’t a small hug. This was deep as his hands grazed up and down her back while her hands gently patted his. I could tell from here that the grip around her was tight and Y/N was clearly uncomfortable.

Fuck this.

Before I knew it, I was walking over, my gaze never leaving this fucking guy. I watched his hands, his entire figure embrace her.

No. Absolutely fucking not. You want a hug? Go for the hug that looks like a pat, you don’t need to be holding onto her for dear life.

I closed the distance between us face, my feet flew with force. My breathing was deep, huffing and puffing. I wanted to deck him. I shouldn’t, but I do. This mother fucker did even realize what a privilege it was to be even touched slightly by Y/N.

As I approached them from behind, neither of them noticing me yet, the guy said. “You’re fucking talented!”

She is, we know that -now leave.

“And you’re fucking beautiful, so beautiful, are you with somebody? Can I get your number, maybe go out?”

This guy kept rambling on and I tensed, my skin felt like cactus.

Y/N’s soft, polite voice spoke up. “I’m already spoke-” she stuttered. “No, not right now. But I’m not interested. I’m sorry.”

Why the fuck was she apologizing?

“Oh damn,” the guy’s shoulder dropped as his hands were buried in his pockets. “That’s too bad, I’d love to take you out, and show you a great time.”

This mother fucker wasn’t getting the hint.

I kicked the leg of the table that was next to them, making a noise as my face never leaving his. I bore into him.

They turned their heads over at me, a relieved expression crossing Y/N’s face. “Oh, hey. I was on my way back!”

A low noise rumbled in the back of my throat as I crossed my arms. “Hi, angel. Are you alright?”

Before she could speak, the guy cut her off when he pointed to me. “Holy shit, you’re Noah. From Bad Omens. What’s up, dude?!”

I wish I could say I was amused, even flattered, but I wasn't. I didn’t care if he was a fan of the band to be honest.

Get the fuck out of her face. Don’t touch or look at what’s rightfully mine.

Well, technically that not true now is it?

Ignoring the voice, I nodded towards the guy as I stepped closer to Y/N.

“Sup man, did you get your photo? Cause we have places to be.”

I was more hostile with my words than I realized but I didn’t care. He could tweet about it.

He noticed the tension. “Uh yeah, yeah I did. It was lovely to meet you Y/N. Thanks so much.”

“No problem! Have a good one,” Y/N gave her best smile.

He walked away, and I watched him, tilting my head as he looked over a few times before finally turning the corner, disappearing behind a crowd of people.

“Noah,” Y/N’s soft voice turned my attention to her. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I nodded. “Are you? He seemed a little too fucking friendly, no?”

I was forceful with my words. I had no right to be, but I couldn’t stop seeing red.

“He was just a fan, Noah, it’s normal. You of all people should know that.”

“I get it, trust me. I only wanted to make sure you were safe. He looked at you like-”, I stopped myself before I even began.

Like how I fucking look at you and it pissed me off.

She shifted on her feet. “Like what? It was harmless flirting.”

“Hm, didn’t look like it. He looked at you like he wanted to devour you.”

“Noah, I can’t control that shit, no more than you can,” Y/N sighed, almost walking away from me.

My heart still was pounding hard in my chest as I reached for her elbow, gently pulling her back towards ms.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” I gave a small smile.

“I’m good, thanks mochi.”

She smiled at me; that same fucking smile that brightened any room she walked in. It paled in comparison to the setting sun behind her that painted the sky in pink and gold. I took a small step towards her, fingers itching with the need to grab her face so I could kiss her, until I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

Without looking at it, I knew it was Bailey. She sent me a text awhile ago saying that she could order us some food tonight if I came over, which I responded with four words; I’ll let you know.

“Uh,” I swallowed while taking a step back. “Everyone found a great spot for us on the beach for the fireworks. Are you ready?”

“Hell yes, I love firework!” Y/N bounced on her feet.

As we began walking down the pier, both of our hands swinging so close to each other, I felt her skin on mine a few times.

“How’s the pain?” I asked after a moment.

“Good. I mean it’s still there but thanks to a certain someone,” she bumped her shoulder with mine, “the heating pad helped a lot.”

This time, I linked our hands together just as we reached the beach, and gave it a squeeze. “Of course, angel.”

I thought back to the last time we were on a beach together; us playing in the water after we both discussed parts of our past that made us who we were today. She was with Trey but that moment, I’d never seen her more alive and free.

Time traveling again, it was so easy to do it in her presence. Going back in time, things weren’t simple then either; but in those moments it became what I know of it now; everything to me.

My phone buzzed again which caused me to groan as I pulled it out of my pocket, expecting to it to be Bailey but it shocked me to see it was a text from Matt; a screenshot of a conversation on Twitter.

Met Y/N of Hollow Souls, so fucking beautiful and incredible in person. I’ve always been a fan of hers, but her music is great too. Holy fuck! I got the balls to ask her out. She said no lol all good. Still a fan. Always.

My grip around my phone as I felt the anger fester low in my gut before reading the next tweet.

Noah of Bad Omens was there with her and was a fucking prick. All good. Damn shame cause the music is good.

I snorted when I then read Matt’s own tweet in response.

Listen to the music for the right reasons then.

I responded to Matt with a few laughing emojis, still ignoring Bailey’s text, and pocketed my phone just as we reached everyone else on the beach. They were scattered either in chairs or on the blanket and the only open spots were on said blanket with Orie and Nick. We sat next to each other, fingers brushing against one another as we leaned back, staring up to the now dark sky while we waited for the fireworks. Y/N shivered, and I reached for my sweater that Jolly remembered to grab from my car.

“Cold?” I asked.

She nodded. “I should have brought something heavier.”

I handed her my sweater, and she took it with a thankful smile. “Thanks Mochi.”

Orie peered over to us, a sly smirk playing on his lips, but I ignored him as Nick patted my shoulder, showing me his phone.

“Death of Peace of Mind comes out at ten o'clock tonight,” he muttered quietly.

Shit.

I bit the inside of my cheek but nodded. “She was bound to hear it, anyway.”

As I turned back towards Y/N, the fireworks began, loud cracks of coloring lighting up the sky. She stared up with wonder and excitement as she pulled my sweater closer to her chest. While everyone watched the beauty in the sky, I watched the beauty in front of me that was Y/N.

An ordinary beginning, something that would have been forgotten had it been anyone but Y/N. But as I shook her hand and met those striking eyes for the first time, the fireworks blew in through the sky, like they were made for her.

Before I’d taken my next breath, I fucking knew she was the one I could spend the rest of my life looking for but never find again if I lost her; I couldn’t lose her again.

I knew the way I felt right now wasn’t meant for Bailey; I knew it from the second I asked her out. That’s what kept me awake at night, that’s what scared me and kept me from admitting this truth. Y/N seemed like that good, that perfect feelings while those fucking fireworks exploded.

READER

Shit, talk about an awkward car ride.

After the fireworks ended, we all parted ways with everyone and Noah walked me to his car. The atmosphere was fine at first, but being so close to him in this confined space made my palms sweat and core ache. Which didn’t make sense because earlier today while we laid in bed together, I didn’t feel this awkward tension. But now, it was as if we were drowning in it. I kept my gaze out the window as the familiar streets and houses came into view, telling me I was almost home. I frowned, not wanting the day to be over.

Noah noticed because he tapped my knee with a knuckle. “Everything alright?”

I gazed over to him and sucked in a breath at the sight of him. He pulled back the long locks of his hair in a low bun, a few strands falling into his face. The darkness of the car did nothing to hide his gorgeous features, his almond color eyes staring deep into my heart as he took his gaze off the road for a few beats. Before while we were at the pier, he had taken off his glasses but now Noah was wearing them and I loved the way he looked in them.

There was that word again; love. It held so much meaning now that I admitted it out loud to myself but yet, stung deep knowing he didn’t feel the same. Because if he did, he wouldn’t have been with someone else.

“Yeah,” I answered when I realized I hadn’t said anything yet. “I had a really fun day today, Noah. Thank you for everything.”

His fingers grazed over my knee to give it a squeeze. “Anytime, angel. I’m here to help you through whatever you need.”

Noah pulled the car into a stop in front of my house and I let out a sigh, not moving yet.

“Your new song was great by the way.”

My head snapped over towards him. “Oh, Eyelids? You, uh, you like it?”

“It was beautiful, angel. It seemed to have come from your heart,” Noah turned his body towards me in the driver's seat of the car.

“It did,” I licked my lips.

His hand glided over the steering wheel. “You added your voicemail.”

I titled my head towards him. “What?”

“The voicemail, I heard it, you added that.”

“I-,” the words faltered on my lips, not knowing how I would explain this one.

I called him one night in Japan but ended up leaving a voicemail, not knowing that my laptop was still recording from when I was messing with my vocals earlier. I was so apprehensive about putting it in a song but Chase thought it would be a great touch to Eyelids. So I did it, not even thinking Noah would catch on.

“I know, I already know,” Noah leaned closer towards me, closing the space inch by inch.

I swallowed thickly. “You do? I’m sorry if it-.”

“No need to apologize to me, angel,” Noah said.

“I really wanted you to-to-.”

“To what?” He raised a brow.

“Like it,” I admitted with a long breath.

“I do,” he nodded with a large smile. “I’m proud of you.”

Suddenly, his phone buzzed from its placement in the cup holder, my eyes reading the name with a pang in my heart.

Bailey.

Noah ignored it with a sigh and even though it was a flash image, I noticed what his background was; me, back from when we were on tour together. It was one where I was on stage singing, eyes closed with the stage lights casting me in a white light.

I couldn’t ask him about it because I was afraid of ruining the good energy we found ourselves in today.

Noah rubbed the back of his neck before turning up the volume of the radio, not even bothering to mention Bailey was calling him yet again today. “We actually have another song about to debut.”

I smacked his chest while sitting on my knees in the front seat, excitement filling the air. “Why didn’t you say anything?! I would have missed it.”

He chuckled. “It’s about to play any second.”

Just then the voice of the radio DJ came on through the speakers of Noah’s car. “Alright guys, we have a new single from Bad Omens. These guys are releasing hit after hit with Concrete Jungle, Nowhere to Go, and now, here is the Death of Peace of Mind.”

“I made another mistake, thought I could change. Thought I could make it out. Promises break, need to hear you say. You're gonna keep it now.”

“Oh fuck, Noah.” I gasped. “Your voice in this is fucking incredible.”

He gave me a small smile.

“I miss the way you say my name. The way you bend, the way you break. Your makeup running down your face. The way you touch, the way you taste. When the curtains call the time will we both go home alive? It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

My body stiffened as I blinked up at him, Noah’s eyes never leaving my face. Suddenly these lyrics were feeling almost too personal. The thickness of the tension becoming too much, the air around us shifting into something that we should have pushed away from, ignored it like we did everything else.

“You're in the walls that I made with crosses and frames hanging upside down. For granted, in vain, I took everything I ever cared about.”

Instead, I leaned closer towards Noah, who made no move to stop me.

“I miss the way you say my name. The way you bend, the way you break. Your makeup running down your face. The way you fuck, the way you taste.”

I sucked in a breath, eyes snapping up from his lips to his eyes. “Noah, is this-?”

All he did was nod, but that was enough for me as I crashed my lips to his, a shocked moan echoing over the music of the car. Immediately I climbed into his lap, his large hands enveloping around me.

“When the curtains call the time will we both go home alive?”

Even though it had been so long since we last kiss, our lips moved in sync as if we never missed a beat. He tasted exactly the same, his tongue felt exactly the same as it explored every inch of my mouth. I whined into him when I couldn’t completely straddle him, my hands resting against his chest.

“Back seat,” he muttered against my lips before grazing his teeth over them, patting my ass.

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind. When the curtains call the time, will we both be satisfied?”

With an excited squeal, I jumped into the backseat of his car and watched as his long limbs tried to climb over the center console. Noah smacked his head on the roof of his car, cursing under his breath as he fell into the back seat next to me.

“Maybe you should get a bigger car,” I teased while straddling him once again.

Noah hummed while grasping my hips, digging his nails into the fabric of my jeans. “Only if you promise more of this.”

I pressed my lips to his once again, tongues immediately finding each other.

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

“Noah,” I moaned when his hips pressed into my core, the hardness of his cock brushing across it.

He pulled away breathless. “Fuck, angel. I missed the way you say my name.”

“You come and go in waves leaving me in your wake. You come and go in waves swallowing everything.”

I pulled away from him to look down at him, hearing those lyrics, and raised a brow. “Oh, I do?”

Noah let out a low growl, hand snaking in my hair as he yanked me back down to my lips and adjusted me so my aching core was pressed against his thigh. “Ride it.”

With. Fucking. Pleasure.

“Are you satisfied? Love's the death of peace of mind. Mind, mind.”

While I rubbed my pussy against his thigh, Noah moaned out a question between kissees.

“Are you-?”

Kiss.

“Mad I-?”

Kiss.

“Wrote a song-.”

“When the curtains call the time will we both go home alive?”

My fingers snapped away the tie that held his hair together and I watched with ecstasy as Noah’s hair fell to his shoulders in waves. I almost through about taking off his glasses but decided against it.

Our lips met again in a fiery kiss as he finished his question.

“About that night?”

I mumbled into his mouth. “No, now let me fucking cum, Noah.”

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

I moaned as my orgasm built higher and higher, almost to a crescendo.

“When the curtains call the time, will we both be satisfied?”

With one hand gripped snaked under my shirt, Noah’s fingers scratched and clawed at my skin, undoubtedly leaving marks, while his other smacked against the window to his left, fingers dragging down through the fog the heat of our kiss created.

Then his fingers left the skin of my back to graze up over my chest and I nearly came when I thought he was going to touch my breast but felt him twiddle my necklace between his fingers. Then gone was that hand from my chest to graze against the skin of my left wrist, now twiddling the bracelet between his fingers.

“You’re wearing them.” His lips attacked my neck is viscous bites.

I leaned my head back to give him more access when my hips moved in faster, uneven pace, as my orgasm was so fucking close to exploding through me; I could almost taste it.

“I found them,” I said breathless. “They’re my favorite gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“It wasn't hard to realize. Love's the death of peace of mind. Love's the death of peace of mind. Love's the death of peace of mind.”

When the song faded out, Noah reached for the button of my jeans. “Let me help you, angel.”

Suddenly, loud ringing echoed through the speakers of the car, which made me pull away from Noah.

“Incoming call from Bailey. Anwer?” Siri’s voice said.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Suddenly the lust haze that has enveloped both of us faded, realization seeping deep into my bones. This was so wrong, so fucking wrong.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh my god, I am so so sorry! I’m so-,” I apologized.

Noah realized what was happening, so he tried to reach for my face. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

I hastily jumped off his lap, fingers going to my kiss-swollen lips, as I took in the sight of him. His long hair a mess thanks to my hands gripping and his own lips were bruised from the force of our kiss; his phone still ringing.

Tears burned in my eyes as I smoothed my hair down and reached for my bag in the front seat.

“You should answer that,” my hand gripped the door handle. “She’s been trying to call you for hours.”

“Angel-.”

“It’s fine, Noah.” I blew out a shaky breath.

“She knows where I’m at, with my friends,” he explained before answering the call with a sigh.

My face physically twitched at his words. They stung like a fucking scorpion tail but I had no one else to blame but myself.

Friends? Is that what you call what just happened?

“Hi babe!” Bailey’s cheery voice dragged the knife deeper into my chest. “I’ve been trying to call you all day. “

Noah adjusted himself in the backseat next to me and for the first time I took in the sight of his cock pressing against his jeans but did my best not to let a moan slip.

“Can I call you back?” Noah asked.

“It’s fine,” I mouthed. “I’m going to go.”

He shook his head, trying to stop me as I opened the door, the cool night air brushing against my heated skin.

“So are you still planning on coming over tonight?” Bailey questioned just before I slammed the door shut, ignoring the hurt look that crossed over Noah’s face.

As the tears fell from my eyes, I didn’t bother looking back to his car, knowing if I did, I might not make it inside.

[rierice8]

Last words of an old flame

Thank you for 100 followers guyss!! I was supposed to post a scara fic a long while back but I’ve been pretty busy, but then the next time I opened tumblr I had 100 followers?! So I decided to dedicate this scara fic to that milestone. Thanks a ton guys! And sorry for the long wait, this fic is super angsty too- OOPS! Turns out liquid smooth is not the kind of music I should write smut too…

Word count: 1921

Ftm Scaramouche/wanderer x male reader

TW: heavy mentions of memory loss, angst, degradation, semi public sex (forest), creampie, blowjob

You don't quite know when you’d first felt like this.

Perhaps it was as you saw him for the first time, sitting way up high, far from the busy bustling streets of Sumeru with that dejected look on his face. Or maybe it was as you caught another glimpse of the strange man as you were studying the forest, drenched from the summer heat. It could have been when you first spoke with him, calling him out for seemingly following you. Maybe it was as you spoke the second time, or the third. It could have been as he and you got closer, maybe as you played in the shallow waters of a nearby stream as a way to cool off. Perhaps it was his perfect physique, the way the water made his shirt stick against his torso, his muscles accented by the sleeveless black fabric. His hair dripping against his face and his sly smirk as he forces water your way.

But you don’t think it matters when you started feeling this way. Because it feels good. Too good.

Sitting alone in your room, fingers wrapped around your cock as you grunt and throw your head back to the thought of him. Skilfully going up and down to the rhythm you imagine pounding the man with. Staring at the pictures of him you took with your kamera, precum leaking down your cock. It was like your skin was on fire, though if it was really his touch it would feel all the better. You were completely unravelled all while thinking of him.

Him.

…

Who is he again?

It's been days, or maybe weeks since you’ve seen him. But who was he? You rack your brain yet you can't seem to remember his name, looking through your memory there seem to be blank places, places where his face should be. He meant so much to you, you know that much. He was your world, your light.

What was his name again?

Months go past and you’re sitting, face in your knees, photographs with what seems like blurs of what was a man all across the floor. It was like someone forced him from your memory. You were starting to forget the memories you shared. All that was left was the feeling. It was like sparks lighting against your skin, or that's what you remember it as, at least. A burning desire, a passion, a love for this…figure. This blur. If you didn’t know any better, it felt like someone had forcefully cut out his face from your memory. You miss him so.

Miss him?

Who again?

You walked down the streets of Sumeru city in the summer heat, buying some herbs for your morning tea.

“Thanks again for the windwheel asters, they’re so hard to get here!” You exclaimed. The salesman smiled and said it was nothing as you waved goodbye and set off again. Your next stop was the flower store, which brought you an immediate sense of dread, as it always does. The flowers made you think of something, but you don't know what. It's the same empty patch that kills you every time. You shake your head in an attempt to fix your thoughts.

There.

Your head darted upwards. A man you’d never seen before sat on the roof of some building. You’d never seen before? Yea… never before. His eyes were focused on you. You made direct eye contact with the stranger who sat above you. Who was he?

“Who are you?” You yelled up to the wanderer.

He looked at you cynically before letting out a ‘tsk’ and standing up, preparing to leave.

“No please! Tell me, I swear I must have met you before, something feels wrong about you,” you begged him. He slid down the side of the building before grabbing your arm and dragging your shocked self away from the busy roads. You didn’t question his antics, only following him deeper and deeper into the forests to the sides of the big city. His indigo hair flowing in the wind, his left hand holding his hat down to his head, pale shimmering skin holding your hand tight. He didn’t break a sweat from all the running, so you tried not to either, as not to embarrass yourself. Besides, you were quite well versed in combat, both with and without your vision. Yet running this far and long seems impossible with human stamina.

“Stop please,” you panted. He immediately stopped running and let go of your arm. You stumbled backwards and ended up falling over. He stood above you and cried,

“HOW CAN YOU TELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW!”

You shuffled yourself backwards and away from the angry man. What did you know?

“I don't know…I’m sorry. Who are you even, I feel like I’ve known you but whenever I try to think of you nothing comes up and it makes my blood boil!” You said shakely, eyes wide open. The mystery man took a step back, stumbling slightly as he covered his mouth with his hand and his eyes went glassy. As if realisation has struck him through the heart and it hurt.

“I love you,” he trembled out.

“You don't even know me?”

He knelt down to place himself on top of you, caressing your cheek with his burning palms. Pulling you into a kiss. Like habit you kissed back. He moved his lips against yours and like habit you closed your eyes and sighed into his mouth. He slid his tongue into your mouth and, like habit, you let him. His touch felt oh so familiar, like you’d felt it a million times before. As though the was he touched you was the same as the past. Like he was the missing piece in your memory.

You broke the kiss panting and staring wide eyed.

“Just who are you,” you whispered as you lent your head against his shoulder.

“Everything you do feels so right, but I can’t remember you.” He smiled, a sad smile, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“I want you, my love,” he said with half lidded eyes.

And like habit,

You said yes.

Against a tree, deep in the forest, you ravaged this man who you’ve loved so much, yet who has been burnt from your memory. He stared up at you as his mouth worked your tip and his hands worked the base of your cock. Eyes tear filled yet perfect, seeming as though they were begging you to use his mouth as you pleased. Every time you moved slightly he’d moan around your cock, sending vibrations throughout your whole body. It was intoxicating, the way his pink lips worked so skilfully and as though they’ve been there before. As if they knew everything that made you come undone. You grabbed his head by his hair and forced him to take you all the way. He gagged before grabbing your thigh and letting you move his head as you pleased. His occasional moans were enough to get you burning on the inside, aching for him. Pulling him off your dick, he whined before you pulled him off the floor and pulled his shorts and panties right down. You lifted one of his legs above your shoulder to support him better before shoving a finger into his wet pussy, not needing any lube from how wet he already was. You pumped that one finger in and out of him slowly, painfully. You watched his face as he squirmed in pain.

“Hahh~ more, faster…please?” He moaned out.

You smiled at him as you pushed in one more finger and started moving them faster.

“Someone’s already all stretched out, like a good slut. I’m sure you were thinking of me a lot, hmm? Not being able to tell me who you are or show yourself really got to you, bad little whore.” You whispered into his ear.

“Mmfh! It- ah! It was so hard! I missed you too much~ ngh!” He groaned. You pulled your fingers out and licked them clean while staring him in the eye. You closed in and kissed him, letting him taste himself from your mouth. You moved down along his chest, giving him little hickeys and kisses along his whole neck and collar.

“Please…put it inside.” He begged. You smiled as you followed his begs. Aligning your dick with his sopping pussy before pushing in. It was almost like he was made for you, fitting you perfectly inside him. He moaned out loud and pulled your head down to his chest. You started moving, fast straight away, having no patience left to tease the wanderer anymore.

“Fuck, I feel as though I’ve done this before. Have I? Why don't you be a good little cock slut and tell me everything?” You say as you pull his hair so that he faces you.

“I- ah!! I can’t tell you~ mhfg, fuck me oh archons!” He whined. You furrowed your brows and sped up. Even now he couldn’t open his mouth.

Even now you were left in the dark.

You kissed him violently, smashing your lips together as you pounded his small frame and trailed your free hand up to twist and pinch his nipples. He moaned into your lips and you did nothing but speed up again. Chasing your own high.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum!” He moaned out.

“Then cum, slut.” And he did. He let out a long moan as he tried to close his legs, but you kept them open and continued so that you could feel release too.

“I can't any more n- no! Too sensitive~ ah!” He moaned, but you ignored his pleas.

“I don't even know your name yet I feel like I’ve fucked you senseless a million times. Yet you seem to know me so well, plastering yourself on me like some cheap whore,” you said, accentuating each word with a sharp thrust. The wanderer was a mess beneath your arms now. Crying and moaning at how good it feels.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum,” you groan.

“Cum inside me- ngh!! Ah yes, please!!” He whined and begged. You smiled and nodded slightly, after all, you couldn’t refuse such a good boy. With a few more thrusts you came inside him, filling his pussy up with your cum. You stayed like that for a moment as you caught your breath.

“I wish I knew who you were, you know,” you sighed. The wanderer looked away from you, in a solemn way.

“And I wish I could tell you, but even if I did, you still wouldn’t remember me.” He whispered almost inaudibly. You sighed again and pulled out. The man gasped at the sudden emptiness. You pulled your own clothes back on before helping him out and dressing him again. You then picked him up and carried him back to yours.

As you came home, you lay him down in bed alongside you, already knowing that he would be gone before you next opened your eyes. But you silently prayed that he’d still be there. Yet before you fell asleep, you stared at him, letting all the details you’d long forgotten sink back in.

“I forgot how beautiful you were,” you smiled.

He said nothing in return, just blankly stared at you.

“I’m sorry.”

In the morning he was gone. Just as you’d predicted, any trace of him vanished, all that was left were his words echoing in your mind.

The last words of an old flame.

[noellefan101]

Offline to Online

Summary: your boyfriend is a streamer, a popular one at that. this is a fic about: how their chat find out that you are dating, how they treat you off-stream and on-stream/do they treat you differently

Warnings: swearing, mentioning of death threats and killing(Scaramouche), streamer reader(Scaramouche), slight ooc, if there is anything else then pls tell me

Characters: Xiao, Childe, Venti, Scaramouche, Aether

Note: I am trying my best ok, and I'm kinda new to Tumblr, so if it isn't to your liking then leave, please./I´m sorry if you can´t understand what I´m writing, bc neither can I/. btw this is later than I originally intended bc it got deleted when I was almost DONE, like seriously. so I have like no motivation left now, yay :(

Xiao

How Chat Found Out: You two were roommates, or that´s what his chat thought anyways. Because you two lived together that was what you told them and most believed that so you thought it was fine/Xiao is shy and lied about you two dating when they asked, and then you just lied too cus you are the best(I mean that with my whole heart).

but one day when you were out with some of your friends, and Xiao was streaming at home with Zhongli(in this story Xiao´s adoptive father) some girl suddenly came up to you and started yelling at you because apparently you took her "boyfriend" away, you and your friends got confused and just let her be after, she had yelled at you for about 2 min. a little later you called Xiao and explained what happened. and after Xiao told you that Zhongli got asked about your relationship while he was gone to get some food, and he forgot that you were keeping it a secret and even showed some photos of you kissing. when you got home/to a guilty Zhongli and Xiao trying his best to comfort him/you both forgave him and then properly announced it the next day, so you don´t have to worry about anyone finding you out. . . because they already know.

On-Stream: he is very shy so its mostly something like your beside him, in the background or sometimes sitting in his lap. he doesn´t pay that much attention to you but only because he thinks it's embarrassing and that stuff. he will also become a tomato if you kiss him on-stream, even though he will despise you for an hour or so its worth it.

Off-Stream: he becomes less shy and pays more attention to you, he also blushes more at your closeness because he doesn´t feel like he has to hold back his emotions. why? well, he´s with you the most wonderful y/n in the whole world. so yeah he behaves differently when you two are alone, and not with hundreds of people watching you.

he loves you, but he´s not always good at showing it.

Childe

How Chat Found Out: honestly I think would just tell them I they asked, but weirdly no one did. maybe it was because they didn´t want to interfere, and thought it was inappropriate. or they didn´t want any of the lovesick fans ruining your relationship. but either way, there was definitely someone else in the house, because they could sometimes hear someone talking in another room, and sometimes post and pans, I guess they just didn´t say anything about it.

but then one of his friends brought up how you were doing because you were sick the last time they talked to him. and he said you were doing better and then the chat flipped out with messages like "Who the f**k is y/n", "are you dating that y/n person", bratty fan girls raging because how dare him and so on. he then talked about you for the next 30 min, and the other person in the call almost fell asleep by how much he talked, so the chat now knows a lot about you. . . maybe a little too much.

On-Stream: he talks a lot, he always does, but now there are more topics about you when he talks all day. example: what you ate today, a pretty outfit you wore this week, some new accessories he got you today, and yadda yadda. he also has you sit on his lap or beside him in your own chair. and ofc he kisses you at least once every stream.

Off-Stream: I would say that he´s not much different, but maybe a little, for example: lets you talk more and now listens more than he talks, kisses you more and is always touching you(not in a sexual way).

he loves you more than anything and is not afraid to show it.

Venti

How Chat Found Out: honestly I think they already knew since he does "drunk" streams-streams with alcohol-and there was always someone beside him: you. you decided you would be bedside him for his safety and to make sure he doesn´t do anything too dumb. you were out of frame, so they couldn´t really see you, but Venti sometimes talked to you so they knew what you sounded like, and saw your hands once or twice. and they adored you, and by the way he talked about you and looked at you he did too. So naturally they thought that you were dating/or related by blood but he was too lovestruck when he looked at you.

but yeah one stream he maybe drank a little too much, and he maybe began talking to you while forgetting that he was live and called you some rather. . . sweet names and then passed out, so you carried him out of his room to make him sleep a bit. when you suddenly remembered that you forgot to turn off the stream and you didn´t even turn off the camera. meanwhile, the chat was freaking out because you were so freaking pretty. so you went in and turned the stream off.

On-Stream: you now sat a little closer and people could see at least half your body, you also there in more streams and not just those containing alcohol. you two didn't give that much affection but you sometimes kissed him here and there.

Off-Stream: besides being closer and kissing more often then I don´t think there are any other differences in behavior other than ofc you spend more time together and not just beside each other.

he loves you a lot and also loves to show it.

Scaramouche

How Chat Found Out: well basically he got into an argument with Childe typical of him. you were in a collab with them and playing a multi-player game when they started arguing over something/you didn´t know what bc you tried to ignore them, so you didn´t get a headache/and it got so heated you had to mute them so you and your viewers didn´t hear all their screaming and send a message to Scara to tell you when they were done. Therefore you didn´t hear Scara yell "Well at least I'm not single" (I forgot to say that here Childe is single in this part, oh well) and everybody was shocked, they thought that Childe would be the one to get a partner first. so while Scara and Childe were still arguing, the viewers started discussing who would want to date were dating him, they didn´t find anybody though.

a few days later they finally asked him instead of speculating about it, and he/with a straight face/"Oh. . . me and y/n are dating, you didn´t know?" and let's just say that chat flipped out even more because wtf you dating HIM of all people

On-Stream: he doesn´t show any affection like at all, the only thing is you forcing him to let you sit in his lap. but no kissing, sweet talk or anything like that, nope just the same grumpy Scaramouche. he got a little annoyed when you kissed him once while he played with some friends but forgave you. Oh, and you also collab more with each other.

Off-Stream: he is definitely a lot nicer, and is kinda soft for you/but only for you/. And he doesn’t look like he wants to k!ll someone all the time or sending death threats to anybody, so at least that's one thing going for ya.

he loves you, no matter if you annoy him from time to time.

Aether

How Chat Found Out: he was in a collab with a few people (Lumine, Venti, Xiao...), and Lumine wanted to annoy Aether, it´s a sibling thing. and therefore she brought up a lot of... not the best topics to talk about on stream, and she also brought up the fact that someone is living with him/you/and how that person is just sooo sweet and pretty/handsome. (because of course she´s been over and already knows that you two are dating) so she teased him by telling him about how he should totally date you, to try and get him to reveal it to the viewers. yes she could have just told them, but this was more fun for her.

he knew what she was doing but didn´t give in until Venti (actual best annoying b!tch) started to do it too, which Lumine loved Aether... not so much. so he eventually gave in and told them that, yes he was dating someone, Xiao then asked who and Lumine made him admit that it was you/the person he`s currently living with/and chat wanted ANSWERS so they asked him stuff like, who were you, where did you meet, when did you meet, how do you look, can we see this y/n, and so on. he answered the best he could while venti and Xiao were also asking questions. he eventually called you in and asked if it was ok for people to see you, and you said yes. (you cannot say no, understand) so you showed your face and you trended on teyvats twitter.

On-Stream: he definitely has you around him almost all the time, like sitting on his lap, beside him, or having you do something of your own in the background, you're properly also there if he does any cooking streams, vlogs or hangouts.

Off-Stream: he´s still has you around him, but now you´re a lot closer. that´s his way to show more love freely instead of keeping it down. because there's tons of people looking at you all the time, and sometimes he doesn´t want to share you.

he loves you very much, and wants you to be there with him at all time.

Masterlist

You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts

[pittdpeaches]

So, I wrote a Twitter thread on this, but I can elaborate more on tumblr so it’s going here as well.

I woke up after three hours of sleep from watching @swagginmun ‘s stream up to 2am talking about Season 5 and the new animation studio. I’m still upset about losing Flying Bark, of course, but i feel better about it now. Part of that’s just because I got some sleep (even if it was barely any) and part of it was something they said at the very end of the stream.

Closing off the stream, they argued that Season 5 of LMK could be disastrous. Like, jumping from acclaimed movie Prince of Egypt to….not so acclaimed movie King of Dreams disastrous. Or, this could be like going from Aladdin to it’s straight to DVD sequel, Aladdin and the King of Thieves

If you don’t know it, Aladdin and the King of Thieves is the third of the Aladdin “trilogy” and tells the story of Aladdin reuniting with his father, the king of the forty thieves, and the two navigating their fraught relationship. Now, swagginmun mentioning this movie was kind of a blast from the past for me. I had Aladdin and KoT on VHS when I was a little kid. And yeah, I loved Aladdin, but I had King of Thieves on LOOP.

I loved the story, I loved the songs, Aladdin’s dad as a character was super interesting, the world building went NUTS-like, LOOK at that turtle island on the box art and tell me that doesn’t go crazy.

Yeah, King of Thieves wasn’t animated like Aladdin. But that didn’t stop baby me from having fun. And yeah, I could argue that my grainy TV from the 70s made every movie look bad, but even watching it as an adult, I still see and appreciate the things I’d loved as a kid. Shit- the low budget TV animation had some real charm to it, underneath all the grit.

I’m gonna miss Flying Bark like crazy. Like, so crazy I’m writing about them as I prepare to graduate. But if the heart of the show carries through-the characters, the humor, the emotional story beats-then it’ll be okay that the action’s stumbling on its feet this time around.

Some kid out there might be confused or upset that the fight scenes aren’t as cool as they used to be. But, some kids might be excited to see Sandy’s powers, or Nezha’s character development, or Red Son Even Being There. And kids are definitely gonna want their questions answered. For some child out there, Season 5 is gonna be their favorite season. And maybe, against all odds, it’ll be ours too.

Shut up about the Rise of Jafar I didn’t own it on VHS and tf it doesn’t exist.

[atthebell]

how to clip (redneck ash atthebell edition aka not the most efficient necessarily)

my best methods for clipping & posting to tumblr

tl;dr use clipr for downloading clips from twitch, other methods vary by mileage

Clip on Twitch & Download using Clipr

IMO, this is the best method for posting clips. Twitch clips don't always display properly on Firefox, and it also means that if the clip ceases to exist on Twitch for whatever reason, it's still uploaded to Tumblr. You can also guarantee the quality you're downloading in, which is usually 1080p unless the streamer has for some reason lowered their stream quality (happens by accident sometimes).

Downsides: 1) You have to be able to download the clip to your computer, and doesn't work on mobile. Well, it could, but it would be way more difficult and I don't know why you would do that to yourself. 2) If the moment you want to clip is longer than 60 seconds, you have to use another method. Twitch only lets you clip something that long. I bemoan this fact every day.

Screen capture on your computer

The pros of this method are that you aren't limited to 60 seconds, and if you're trying to clip something from a YouTube video, it's easier than trying to download a YouTube clip (have never been able to successfully do this myself) or downloading the entire video and then editing it down to the moment you want to clip.

The cons are that you have to make sure you're not screen capturing sensitive shit from your own computer, and you have to turn off all other audio and make sure your volume levels & video quality are at appropriate levels (aka don't have your volume super low, don't have the video on 480p if possible). If you're clipping off YouTube, you have to deal with having the channel's watermark in the corner, but otherwise it's great for when you want to just clip something from Twitch but it's longer than 60 seconds.

How to do this (on Windows):

Remember to put your computer on DND (Discord as well) and put the video on highest quality and decent volume levels. Press Windows key + G (if that's your configuration) and select "Start Recording" on the capture window. Remember to give time for the scrub bar and shit from YouTube or Twitch (or whatever) to go away, so go back a little bit before where you want the clip to start. Record until you've got what you want, then open it in whatever video editing software pleases you. You can find the recording in Captures on your computer (usually in some folder chain in Users) or by just pressing Windows key + G again, it'll let you open the recording in file location. I use Microsoft Clipchamp to edit because Windows Media Player crashes my computer and I'm not going to pay for nice editing software rn. Anyway, edit out the bits with you moving your mouse around and the video player UI and get it to whatever length you like. Save or redownload to your computer, upload to Tumblr.

Downloading off Twitter

Use twittervideodownloader or twdown. Copy the video address from the video and paste it, then download in whatever quality you'd like. Please attribute said clips, particularly if they went through the trouble of adding subtitles or you're using their translation (or just to let people know where they came from-- i.e. is this from a cc's own IG story, or is it a random fan recording them; the latter means you maybe shouldn't be reposting this video). Translation itself is often a thankless project so it's very appreciated to acknowledge translators. Also if someone else went through the trouble of clipping something, it's just nice to acknowledge them for it. Preferably include a link to the original tweet. This method is best for just needing stuff off Twitter, for IG stories that someone else already screen captured, or if the only clip you can find is on Twitter and the original vod/video is gone for whatever reason.

Extra fun tips:

If you are a frequent clipper, get in the habit of naming your files! If you're keeping them all on your computer, for organization's sake, it will save you SO much time and energy if you just have names on your files. It doesn't have to be anything crazy formal; for example, my format is just "oct 12 cellbit scared by sign tts;" date followed by a very short description.

Similar to the above, it also helps to include some amount of context to clips when you're posting them, particularly if you're not liveblogging. Sometimes people rb clips onto my dash and start freaking out about some kind of lore going on and it's like dude this clip is from two months ago, calm down. Please turn on timestamps also for the love of fuck.

You can download videos straight off Tumblr! If someone else already posted a clip you like and want to have on your computer, you can download it off the dash or off their blog and just have it, no extension or screen capture or website needed. One of the very cool things about this website!

Related, if you really want to find a clip that you know was already posted to Tumblr by someone else, use people's archives. They're also one of the actually functional parts of this website. You can filter by post type, month, and tags, which can usually get you closer to finding what you're looking for than searching will.

RoyalArchivist tends to post and reblog a lot of clips, so they're a good resource alongside myself, pix pixiecaps, and jay cellgatinbo, all of whom clip like maniacs. I also just reblog a lot of things and have a pretty extensive tagging system. RA also has a timestamp archive for QSMP with notes about lore and things-- please check that out if you're interested in helping document events or looking to find a certain moment.

MCYT Archive Project has public vods spreadsheets for QSMP as well as other MCYT projects that are incredibly extensive, so if you're looking for a moment and you remember the date, you should be able to find the vod on the sheet. You can also use the vod archives in junction with wiki articles to figure out exactly or approximately when something happened (the QSMP Miraheze wiki includes citations in their articles, which is a massive help for this kind of thing).

Finally, I am a lunatic who figured this all out through trial and error. There are probably other, somewhat more efficient methods, like I said at the start. If you know of any, please (politely) add onto the post.

[uninformedartist]

So hey long time no see, just popping in to say that this video by Official_TVC is bullshit.

So summary + thoughts:

Video starts off with defintions on different types of stalking & they say Vivienne has experienced all this kind of stalking. Then goes on to say its 2 individuals doing this stalking and they we the viewer doesn't need to know them, Official_TVC has done a lot of research on them and we should should trust Official & their word without evidence because apparently they retweeted something on twitter & it was a tumblr post thats supposedly exposed Vivienne's siblings, personal things ect. All this is hearsay by you, it shouldn't make the average viewer trust your word. Yes I've seen things but that was from posts I've seen.

Aside -honestly Official should be questioning the anon asks we get on here, some of the asks contain some questionable info like how do you get that info. People get asks on here containing info, people don't go out & hunt all Vivienne's private life, we receive stuff thats how things come to light, OTHER PEOPLE SEND US STUFF.

All the background of the video is helluva boss/hazbin scenes coupled with music from respective shows. No evidence, not even heavily censored evidence to protect Vivienne, just Official_TVC talking & basically saying "trust me bro I did research, believe me". This is heinous accusations, individuals you are talking about & you give nothing. It could be lies for all people know, I don't even believe & I've seen the things you're referring to.

Continued, the stalkers, the 1st one is a "troll" according to Official_TVC & the second is supposedly so bad they were quote " has been 15 ft from vivziepop", no backing on that 15ft statement, Official_TVC just states this. All this stalking, entire pages made is because of a ship. Leaking show stuff (aside again, is GIVEN TO US VIA ANONYMOUS ASKS).

They carry on to say essentially all this hate talk on Viv on YT is cos she's popular, they got nothing of meaning to say on Viv cos they hate her so much they can't talk about her positively. They then mention a person has a never ending stream that just feeds misinformation other YouTubers & quote "on the precipice of wanting to strangle a woman (Viv) who made the crime of making demons gay". Wtf does that mean, who has this never ending stream of feeding misinformation to other YouTube, who & wtf are you talking about.

Anyway, goes on to compare spindlehorse workplace allegations to Amazon (yes ironic) & how Amazon treats its workers really bad... do I need to say more. Goes on to say everyone ragged on Viv because hazbin hotel is on Amazon, Amazon is bad & quote by Official_TVC is cos "everyone looks for an excuse to hate". Ok now I'm giving evidence on why people ragged on Viv for prime since you give jackshit.

Amazon/prime is currently being boycotted, its on the bds list why people were saying to pirate hazbin. Not some bullshit reason Official gave on it being mindless hate. Here is a video explaining why people are boycotting Amazon:

Vivienne also like this post from a fan, do I need to spell out how fucking disgusting this tweet is and the fact that she liked it.

Official carrys on to say stalker 1 did 3 things, doxxed Vivienne, & in their words if you go to said person's page Official states "im pretty sure they know where vivziepop lives". That is speculation, thats your opinion cos no evidence is provided or can be for that matter cos this is what YOU think. Dropping as Official says "nuggets" of info on Viv's siblings University, their work (this info was from a sibling's linked in page, public info). Can I say aside, I know her sibling's names. Why, not from stalking but from them leaving comments on Viv's speeddraws and Viv publicly naming them on her PUBLIC socials. And if you know someone's name you can easily find out what uni they went to, if you know my name & search me up you know what uni I go to its in the public on their linked in, social posts ect.

They go on to talk about how terrible leaking Viv's shows are, which idgaf. Amazon is a zionist corporation I'm pirating anything of Vivienne. Even invincible which I love, pirated it. Fans should too (since I see a lot of fans with free palastine in bio but still pay for prime). Anyway thats on them.

TW: talks of sexual harassment. So Official doesn't want to give more info on this individual which I respect & understand. However they say stalker 1 is sexually harrassing this person, sending content of a sexual nature all because the victim in this situation didn't agree with stalker 1 on the stalker's sentiments on hazbin hotel. I understand protecting the victim but my soul you're literally protecting the perpetrator. Expose them, you keep staying stalker 1 & 2 CALL THEM OUT. Protect the victims but expose the perpetrators.

They go on to stalker 2, who know stalker 1. Stalker 2 supposedly went to the hazbin premiere. They were there to keep an eye on vivziepop Official quotes. No evidence of this quote or info just them relaying it. Again this is all your words against what. Yeah that is concerning it really is but substantiate this evidence & quotes. This is the 1st time I'm hearing about this so I would like to know more on this & this heinous person. But you don't give any evidence. Official says " these people need to be stopped", how can they be stopped. You give no names, no info or evidence, its wishful thinking you saying this. I'm harping on and on on about Official gives no evidence but its so flipping frustrating hearing them spout all this WITH NOTHING to back their words.

TW again: Mentions of suicide and Shay a fan bullied by the fandom who then took their own life. Know a lot of people are still saddened by what led to Shay's passing why I mention this.

Official says stalker 1 is using the death of Shay to entice fruther harrassed on Vivienne. Its "apparently now", huskerdust fans went after Shay with heinous harassment & Shay subsequently ended their life, may they rest in peace. Official claims stalker 1 says Vivziepop is directly responsible for Shay's death. Shay's death was worded as "apparently" but stalker 1 using Shay's death to pin it on Vivziepop is stated as a fact. How disgusting can you be someone died & its apparently so to you but your word of mouth should be considered fact, fuck off. Official then goes on to say... sighs quote "we do not hold politicians accountable when they massacre people of other countries... bloodlines don't exist but we don't blame the politicians pushing the buttons".

Ok wtf, yes we do we blame Biden & other politicians & presidents for pushing the figurative & literally buttons on massacring Palestinians & other minorities, WE DO so wtf are you talking about. I honestly hate Official at this point because wtf are they saying. I don't blame vivziepop on Shay's death, even though when there was attempts to reach Vivienne on what was happening to Shay, maybe the channels they used like email didn't get the message across unfortunately. What I absolutely hate is when fans, like official now use Shay's death as a pawn in relation to people hating on Viv. No one that I've see & I'm saying it now I know who these stalker 1 & 2 are not even they were as disgusting as Official & fans to use Shay's death as to further hate on Vivienne. What Official_TVC is saying is bullshit.

And I disregard everything Official_TVC says after they hearted this comment, fuck you Official_TVC for hearting this vile comment.

I link a screenshot of the outreach to Vivienne via email on Shay aswell as the document on Shay's.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSfCoyn81fp83pycx5eyS4oxryRpFnVnHdEeyEyouigrKSWAZ5iEgTjt7Q63n68S_PcZK7_klB-9dH1/pub

In all this video is a load of nothing, bullshit actually & just vile on the parts of Shay. They ended of once again reiterating they won't give proof because people just want names & evidence for the tea/gossip & they want to protect Vivienne, shoo shoo. Again trust me bro, I did the research so trust me.

I want to reiterate I condone no actions if provided true on stalker 1 or 2. But from what I've seen of them is all out of context, lies spread by the fandom & things just made up down the grapevine. I don't do this for likes, clout or other bullshit the fandom says. Wouldn't be of me on my nature and the work that I do. Come with substantial evidence, then we discuss & make conclusions but for now

...

I hate Vivienne and this fandom, bye all.

[thisistinirussell]

I loved “fuck buddies”. Do you think you could do a threesome with Lando and Max Fewtrell?? Thank you

I really tried.. i personally think it is NOT GOOD, that is why it took me so long.. i hope you still like it tho… 🫶🏼

It was longer btw.. but tumblr said it‘s too long lol🫣

————————————————————————

Best mates

//

pairings: max fewtrell/ lando norris x female! reader!

warnings: SMUT! (18+ content), unprotected sex (stay save loves), alcohol consume, NOT PROOF READEN (sorry for mistakes, not my native language)🫶🏼

Where your parents are on vacation and leave you the house for about a week..

It was a hot sunny day in august. You and your friends spent time at the pool in your parents house. Drinking some alcohol and just having a good time.. your parents and your little brother Liam went on holiday to spain, so you had the whole house to yourself, for at least a week.

This day was the day, you assumed they would come home, but you didn‘t know when. So you just invited your best friends Max and Lando.

You knew each other for ages what made it easy to talk about everything.

But secretly you had an affair with Lando for a few months.. nothing serious.. just sex.

How that happened? You didn‘t really know to be honest.. he just happened to be there in the right moment at the right place.

So was Max this time, but he didn‘t know it yet.

You were sitting on the edge of the pool while Lando stood in the water leaning between your legs while he talked to Max. They were planning to do a stream this evening, like they used to do a lot the last months.. you were just quiet because it was something between these two and it wasn‘t your business, you thought.

„So.. when do you want to start?“ Max asked Lando, coming over to you both. He shrugged his shoulders and chuckled. „Depends on, when little princess had enough of me today.“ he said. Max looked at you confused.

First you looked at Max and then at his best friend who turned around to you. „Who says i want to?“ you asked him and grinned. He knew you would never say no to this offer.. so he joked around a bit.

„And who says you can choose?“ he said and pushed his hands up your thighs. Max watched you and every of Lando’s touches. „Your mom said i have to.. otherwise you‘ll get grumpy..“ Lando smirked. „Funny..“ you just responded and leaned your head back. He pushed your bikini top aside to have a perfect view of your tits. „Max? Do me a favor and open the top for me?“ you asked politely and smiled a bit at your friend. He nodded a bit still looking you both up and untying the knot on the back of your bikini. Lando threw it away and Max watched him closely.

Your friend started to kiss and suck your upper wide while you played with his hair a bit. „Don‘t be shy…“ you whispered to Max, bringing him close to you kissing him seductively.

„That‘s so wrong..“ he whispered in between the kiss. „But feels so good.. doesn‘t it?“ you whispered, opening the knot of his swimming trunks, then starting to pump his cock carefully with your hand. He just nodded a bit and continued to kiss you, his hands wandering down your body. „I guess we‘ll have to show Max, how hot you look, when you get fucked.“ Lando whispered pulling down his swimming trunks a little bit.

„So… you did that before?..“ Max asked confused. „You will see, it will be absolutely worth it.“ he said and pulled you close. At the same time he pulled off the bottom of your bikini. Still kissing your body, he started to tease you, with his already hard cock, at your wet folds. You just leaned your head back.

Max was still watching you, not able to take his eyes off you and study every movement you made. Carefully Lando pushed himself inside you and let a sigh of release out of his pretty mouth. It took a few seconds before you got used to his stone hard length and let out a little moan. Max bit his lip softly watching you. You patted on the tiles at the edge of the pool, tell Max to come out. He didn‘t wait long to get out and sit beside you.

You gave Lando a sign to let go of you for a second and you turned to Max, getting on top of him. He looked pretty nervous.

„Come on love.. I‘m treating you right, don’t worry.. no need to be nervous..“ you whispered while lining up his cock with your wet pussy before letting yourself sink on it. You guided your friends hand around your body while you felt

Lando grabbing your upper wide from behind. „Don‘t be shy Maxie.. I know this is not your first time..“ you whispered while biting his neck softly, leaving some small marks on it. „But the first time with my best friend..“ he just said. „Its fine.. there‘s nothing different.. just let it happen..“ Lando said to his friend.

It took a few minutes to let Max realize what was happening, but then it was like a switch in his head flipped.

He grabbed your hips tight and made you nearly jump up and down on his cock, while Lando was still admiring your body. Your moans got louder with every time you were sinking on his cock.

Lando placed himself right next to Max. You knew he just didn‘t want to feel left out so you started to help him out with your hands. He leaned his head back enjoying every movement you made with your grip tightening around his cock. You saw how close Max was.. so you just got off him. „Not yet… you both have to get there together..“ you said, kneeling in between the two brits.

They looked at each other for a minute. „What about you then?“ Lando asked. He just cared about you.. he never wanted to leave you unsatisfied. „You both can take care of me afterwards.“ you just said. Max smirked a bit. He loved the thought of you, covered in their cum, still getting pleased of him and his childhood friend.

It didn‘t take them long to cum together. Not only on your hands.. but also on your face. A little bit of it also landed in your brown long hair. It felt good to take care of two guys. It wasn‘t even weird that they were your best friends, you were absolutely fine with it. But only because you knew it was just sex.. no hard feelings or anyone falling in love with you.

You didn‘t even have the time to clean yourself from the cum.. they didn‘t need to take a break. „Your turn i guess.“ Lando said, smirking while pulling you on top of him, so he faced your back, while Max got ready in front of you.

You knew exactly what they were up to. Lando commanded you to sit down on his cum dripping cock. You weren‘t even thinking and just did what he said.

In this time Max got closer and started to lick you without warning. A loud moan left your mouth and you leaned back against Lando who helped you to move slowly on top of him. Meanwhile Max delightfully licked and sucked your clit. Your hands placed in Max hair, you pressed him closer. It was like he knew exactly what you liked.

„Please guys.. I‘m already so close…“ you whispered, nearly begging them to continue. So they started to pick up their pace. Lando moving you up and down and Max sucking more and more on your sensitive spot.

You felt how warmth filled your body and your muscles started to twitch a bit. This was it! You couldn’t wait anymore and released yourself for both of the guys. The air was filled with moans and heavy breathing of you.

What the neighbors would think, you just thought.. but in the end the only things that mattered were that your friends and you had a ‚fun‘ day at the pool…

[genericpuff]

saw a post criticizing lore rekindled a while back, and one of the points made was "it's unfair to rachel that someone else can profit off and make money off her work"

do you profit off lore rekindled??? i don't remember if you ever said that you were monetizing lore rekindled, so i'm unsure where this piece of information came from

I literally do NOT profit off Rekindled in any way shape or form, it's a Tumblr comic that's free to read, zero subscriptions, paywalls, or ads.

I did just recently open a Patreon and apply my Twitch channel to become affiliate, but 1. my Patreon doesn't have any paid members yet , 2. my Patreon won't be offering rewards that limit the reading experience of Rekindled (it's gonna be like random doodles n junk), and 3. I haven't even streamed since I applied for Affiliate and people are watching the streams for art and lo-fi, not for any sort of exclusive reading experiences that wouldn't also be accessible on Tumblr (you just get to watch me slowly work on Rekindled while playing FF XIV LMAOO) All of these restrictions I have in place is to prevent exactly what folks assume or accuse me - profiting off Rachel's IP. At the end of the day I just wanna create an AU fanfic project, even if it's created out of disappointment for what could have been.

I *do* spend a few hundred a month though for my assistant. So I'm working on Rekindled completely at a loss, out of my own pocket. So in that regard, even if I were to monetize any part of Rekindled... it wouldn't be for my own profitable gain, I'd maybe be able to cover some of my assistant fees 🤣 (but that's just hypothetical food for thought, because as I said above, I don't want to monetize Rekindled because of the potentially legal and ethical issues in doing so. Making money is also just not why I'm making Rekindled because it's something I wanna just do for fun! Money complicates things, turns shit into a job :'0) And let's be real, in that hypothetical scenario, I don't think any money I could generate on my free to read Tumblr project would come anywhere close to threatening Rachel's bottom line 🤣

And this isn't to throw anyone under the bus but when people get suspicious of Rekindled profiting off LO, I can't help but think of the actual fans of LO selling handmade LO merch on Etsy and LO-style adoptables and other arts and crafts dedicated to their favorite comic. And I'm not gonna judge them for that, more power to 'em if people wanna buy their cool stuff (and some of it is really REALLY cool, like I wanna buy their stuff too LOL), I just think it's ironic that people separate the two because... I'm not a diehard fan? Or because Rekindled has gotten popular here. Beats me. All that "popularity" is still just a niche remake of a niche comic in a niche medium. It's not Spiderman Lotus levels of big 🤣 but I know it probably feels that big to people who are engaged with this fandom and spend a lot of time in it.

There's an opposite side of being a yes man that perpetuates similar behavior on the other side - when you come up with reasons to rag on someone just for the sake of it because you can't rationalize them NOT being the all 100% pulp of evil LMAO (and I see people do this even to Rachel and it's not fair imo, like people who use the Lolita thing as a way to accuse Rachel of being a legitimate pedophile? Like no, I don't think we should be normalizing serious accusations like that. I think she's just misinformed in a lot of ways at worst and suffering from dark romantasy porn brainrot at best LOL).

Like, as an example, I've also seen people claim stuff like I'm in the fan spaces telling people not to read LO and to read LR instead? Which like... why would I do that, LR isn't for the fans anyways and I don't gain anything by being a dick in their space 🤣 If my own readers are doing that, that's out of my hands (but respectfully don't do this please!!! there's a reason I don't use the standard LO hashtags and only stick to the anti ones!!!!) but again (and this is a big assumption so take with grains of salt) I think people just like to claim these things because they feel it's just naturally the right thing to do when someone who has opinions they don't like actually puts them into action. Because now they can't say shit like "well if you think you're so much smarter than Rachel why don't YOU write the story!" and "you don't know what it's like to manage a comic!" so they grapple onto whatever other argument they can even if it's misconstrued or entirely pulled out of thin air and not backed up with any legitimate evidence.

Their perspectives make sense to them. My perspective makes sense to me. I don't blame people for being suspicious when they see someone like me pour this much time and effort and money into a project like Rekindled, they assume it HAS to do with something they can rationalize from their own point of view, like wanting to "steal" Rachel's work or profit off it or take it for myself out of "jealousy".

Sorry to disappoint y'all with a boring answer, but I'm just someone who was once a huge fan of LO and couldn't let it go. I'm just someone who's way too hyperfixated, with a lot of passion for making comics and experience to match. I'd still be making it even if I didn't have an assistant. I'd still be making it even if I was stuck working with nothing but paper and pencil. Because I love making it and I love what it means to me, and I love that it makes other people feel the same way I do about it.

And that's really all I have to say on that.