#it doesn't actually make sense within the universe considering who all for one is

[wanderingblindly]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

oooooooh this is so cruel, how dare you make me consider my fics this way????? reflecting on this made me realize that a lot of my personal favs are actually my less popular ones. that makes sense, in a way; often my favorites are where i'm trying to express a really specific emotion or idea, which might not always resonate with people? anyways, ordered from oldest to newest:

Eighteenth Summer (Do You Wish We'd Fall in Love?)

ambient, pining, sort of sepia toned vignette filtered lestappen. i remember really wanting to capture the ambiguity that comes with being 18 and finishing high school -- a new future looms even when you feel like you haven't finished living what you have now. very much being on a precipice, but with a happy ending :)

You Bring Me Closer To God

i literally fucking love this universe so much. even if the fic wasn't special, writing all the dynamics between the bandmates, between the bar flies, between oscar and lando... it was such a joy. i still think about writing more within Dirty Blondes all the time.

I Know Your Name (But Not Who You Are)

lestappen in grief! the passage of time! the fear that life has somehow stopped moving on but also changed more than you can stomach! wanting things from your childhood but having to accept that you can never go back! but perhaps learning that moving forward is beautiful, too! yet another one where i entered it trying to capture a specific feeling, and i think i managed to like... use the setting in a way that achieved that.

Someone in Seattle

i like this one because i managed to write a fic i'd love to read. i love fics that explore the soft, meandering development of relationships -- the ones where falling in love is a bit of a blurry line, and it happens just by the nature of truly Seeing each other. it's a love letter to my home, and i think of her very fondly.

Impasse of Biting

THIS IS THE ONLY FIC WHERE I FEEL LIKE I GOT EVEN CLOSER TO LIKE. SOMETHING YOU COULD ANALYZE. THERE ARE CHARACTER MOTIVATIONS! THERE'S SPECIFIC WORD CHOICE! THERE'S UNRELIABLE NARRATION AND COMPLICATED EMOTIONAL TIES! idk. it's one that i feel like each reader could come away with something wildly different, and (as someone who doesn't often deal in ambiguity), that makes me proud.

[icys-junkyard]

Unova Battle Subway maps

My personal preferred map of the railways (one with blue markers, one with color coded markers)

An alternate map, taking the in-game subway map slightly more literally. (Bonus map with a few non-canon markers I added purely to help myself make sense of the seemingly pointless shapes of some of the routes)

Bonus extra map of the routes taken by Ingo, Emmet, or both of them, for those who want a more specific visual of those routes on their own. (Of course Emmet's line goes through the Pokémon World Tournament lmao)

Misc notes/thoughts under the cut

I'm not a train person, take all these musings with a grain of salt lol

Canon map note: I imagine this map only shows the large, intercity railways. Cities like Nimbasa, Castelia, etc likely have smaller, more complex subway lines all over the city like we tend to see IRL.

Canon map note 2: In an IRL setting, these rail lines are likely far less straight and angular than on these maps and could probably make a lot more sense if drawn with a freer hand and consideration for the landscape, but I tried sticking somewhat close to how it's presented in the game.

International (wi-fi) line: In the game it's the wi-fi line. In a non-game context I imagine this line is one that actually leaves Unova and goes to a neighboring region.

Subwayness: While not all of these lines are 100% underground like they might be in the cities, I like to think quite a few of them are partially or primarily in tunnels. Many lines go across water without a major bridge* on the map, or straight through harsh environments like mountains or deserts, some of which may be more convenient long term to go under rather than through. With the technology of the Pokémon universe, I imagine large stretches of underground train tunnels are entirely possible. (*Maybe there's smaller unshown bridges for the trains, but at least the line that goes right through Castelia's port to an island I'd like to believe could be underground under water)

Battle Subway: The Battle Subway itself likely only runs on these intercity lines.Assuming IRL distances rather than in game walking distances, depending on the length of the line, a lap or two could be a full days work for the bosses. Non-battle trains likely use these same tracks.

Anville Town: The branching path on the Anville line is strange, as it doesn't seem to point toward any known location. It could be pointing toward some unlabelled town or landmark, though I've seen some people posit that it stops at the Celestial or Dragonspiral towers (though they seem too far away for me to agree). My personal headcanon is that rather than the large branch shown on the original map, it's actually two branches going to Anville Town; a large alternate rail to help with rotating/moving trains going in and out of the rail yard there.

Pokémon World Tournament: Located in or very near Driftveil City, it was added in BW2 by Driftveil gym leader Clay. Considering Driftveil is a city, it could have multiple subway stations, one of which just happens to be close to the PWT. Alternatively, it could be a bit of a distance away and thus have it's own station.

PokéStar Studios: Located in or very near Virbank City. As the major intercity lines don't quite hit Virbank itself, I imagine Virbank only has one intercity station near the studio if it's within Virbank itself. That, or it has no intercity stations and one must travel the distance between Virbank and the studio to travel further.

Unity Tower: Literally this train goes through a port and right into the ocean to reach an island. This island is only accessible by boat. I'm convinced this train goes under the seafloor. That or it has a super cool Marine Tube situation where it's a subway tunnel, but the tunnel is transparent and the ocean and water pokémon can be seen out the train windows.

[prodbymaui]

These Secrets That I Have.

what if I told you that I've fallen?

PAIRING: mark lee x fem!reader

GENRE: our friendly neighborhood spiderman ; the best friends

WORD COUNT: 4.3k+ words

WARNINGS: eventual smut, choking kink, arson

SYNOPSIS: Joking that your best friend is the infamous superhero bitten by a spider has been a habit for the group. It was all a joke, until it wasn't.

A/N: THE UPSIDE DOWN KISS!! spidermark agenda, I wouldn't let you die. and forgive for the poor attempts of comedy lmao. anyways, happy reading and don't forget to share your thoughts about this fic! <3

''With great power comes..''

''Great responsibilities--''

Gasping dramatically, Johnny stands up as his finger points accusingly to the male who's unknowingly straining his vocal chords due to laughing so much.

Mark shakes his head, clapping his hands in amusement. ''Dude, everybody knows that.''

''Nobody gets it right.''

Jaehyun joins the tallest among all of you. ''Except spiderman.''

Cackles once again blooms, the way these two delivers their impromptu exposing session is so comical that you are all gasping for air.

If you didn't know better, those faces full of shock mixed with betrayal would fool you into thinking your best friend is actually the one behind the infamous red and dark blue suit with webs and spider symbols decorating it. No ones knows when it actually began, the spiderman jokes. Johnny and Jaehyun are certainly the ones to start the teasing on Mark, doting on him and urging him to 'admit it' in every chance they get. Oftentimes, the jokes are fueled by Mark's fast reflexes. Someone can react fast, alright, but something about Mark's tells that there's a deeper root or cause, Johnny's words.

Personally, you don't really think Mark would be the 'friendly neighborhood' superhero neither do you consider even the smallest chance because-- one, the male is literally with you almost 24/7 and spiderman saves people 25/8. And two, you've stayed at Mark's apartment more than you've done to your dorm, you know the in and outs, every nook and cranny of the space-- not once did you found even a mere clue that suggests what Johnny and Jaehyun had in their mind.

''You really gotta back us up here, dude. You know what you've seen.'' Once again, the faux seriousness shows in his words and his eyes widening to convince, you decides to ride his flow this time.

''Actions speaks louder than voice, Mark. If you're not spiderman, then explain the spidey senses!'' Johnny throws a cap towards Mark's direction, effectively making the man catch it within seconds, eventually proving your 'theory'.

'I told you so' looks are exchanged between the three of you. Haechan barks a laugh at that.

''This is fucking crazy.'' Clearly, he's enjoying the show judging by the tears escaping the sockets of his eyes.

The series of persistence is left to deaf ears. Mark prefers downing as much pizza as he can right now rather than dealing with endless accusations that, to say the least, is absolutely nonsensical. ''Y'all would cut this shit out or you'll have webs shoved down deep in your throat in a minute?''

By now, Mark should've known making empty threats that has connections with spiderman's universe or spiderman himself will just worsen the situation he already finds hard to be in. Albeit his ears ringing, Mark didn't make any effort to stop the banters of his friends regarding if he's the superhero bitten by a spider or he's just a natural. Concluding that the discussion is harmless, he doesn't find the need to.

Ha! It's not like he's actually the 'Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman', right?

Another groan escapes past your lips, fingers drumming the white table. 15 minutes upon arriving at 7/11, your instant ramen slash source of distraction from boredom sadly disappears in thin air. What the fuck is taking Mark Lee so long?

''--so you mean, 10 muscled people holding rifles each was nothing against 1 spider descendant or some shit?'' Your ears perks up.

''Yup, flicked those robbers away to the police like it was nothing.''

''Damn crazy, and fucking awesome.''

''That's spiderman for you,'' The boy browses through the ice cream freezer near you. ''Still can't believe he's in this area just minutes ago.''

Eh? The superhero was here? Then that would mean the said robbery took place somewhere not far from where you were eating your ramen peacefully. How come you didn't hear the sirens? You sigh, mind wondering the possible outcomes if the robbers decides to raid the stores nearby and eventually reach yours. It fuels your urge to go home even more.

Supposedly, this trip shouldn't last no more than 10 minutes considering the fact that the store is not even 3 minutes away from your dorm and choosing chips to your liking only takes less than 5 minutes of your time-- depending on how indecisive you are and how crazy your cravings are. It'll all bring you back to the comfort of your bedroom in no time, nonetheless.

But a certain someone thought it's a good idea to leave you at the store and tells you that he'll be back in a bit, making you wait like some child for their parent. Heck, no parent would even leave their child alone at a convenience store, opting to take the kid with them. He insisted on meeting here again in spite of your whines to go separate ways so you can enjoy the warmth of your bed all the while he fulfills the errand that he so eagerly wants to finish.

''This motherfucker, I swear to God.'' Informing Mark that you'll go back via message, the chair lets out a faint screech as your body heat lingers a little longer after standing up to leave. Just as you turn around, your shoulders meets a chest, sending you both to a halt as the collision sinks in. You look up to see your most awaited best friend with his unstyled chest nut hair serving as a curtain for his same shade orbs. He breathes heavily, as if catching some air to fend his lungs.

Eyes raking down his body, you drink in his appearance. He looks like he just came from.. a fight. ''The hell happened to you, dude?'' Your figure heads towards the store's exit.

''Police thought I was one of those that belonged to the robbery, took me a while to convince them I'm not, sorry.''

You snort. ''Well, I would mistake you as a robber too with this beanie and all black outfit you have.''

Mark scowls. ''They thought I'm a victim, just for your information.''

''Really? That's surprising.'' Laughing softly under your breath, you tosses a bag of chips to Mark as compensation for your teasing.

The gust of cold breeze remains disregarded, warmth coming from the other's body heat is enough to ease the coldness. Passing by where the crime occurred, your feet unknowingly fasten their pace, shuddering at the thought of danger albeit the police cars and armed officers surrounds the area in protection stance.

Overhearing a reporter going on about something along the lines of 'the cops thanking Spiderman as it weren't for him, they wouldn't be able to catch the criminals' makes you sigh.

They should really stop depending on the superhero. You thought.

''Isn't it scary?''

Mark turns to you. ''What is?''

''The way greed can drive humans to intense, irrevocable madness.  It pushes them to do these things that'll not only put their lives in danger but will also fail to satisfy their desires. Sure, they can have money in the palms of their hands with just a snap, stealing from people-- but will those bills last for a long time? Will that be enough for them? Certainly not.''

A brief glance from Mark is what you received, the bop of his head caught by your peripheral vision assures you to keep going. ''The more they steal, the more they crave. If the officials thinks that every on-going and unsolved crimes plastered on the news by the media will scare the criminals away because they are apparently doing their best to find the suspects and pull them out of wherever hole they are hiding, they're wrong. The cops wouldn't be forced to  use their best assets and experience sleepless nights if the criminals are not doing well at their job, right? Those announcements of endless searchings and calls for the people's help only pats the wanted people on their back, telling them they've done an excellent mayhem job.

Sometimes, I don't even know who to blame when crimes, like this kind, happens. Is it the criminals themselves because they lost their morals over materialistic things? Because they gave in to the urge of possessing those that goes beyond what they can comprehend? Is it the police for not hearing the reason why these criminals have done it? Is it the society who embodies judgemental and discriminating in all sorts of way that probably pushed them to do such things? Or is it the government who failed to make education and employment accessible to everyone no matter what their status in life is?''

Kicking a pebble out of your way, it creates a dull thudding sounds. ''Proper education and enabling people to have a grasp of legal source of income would probably prevent crimes from happening. I'd like to think that most are just desperate measures.''

Mark hums. ''What you said are somewhat right. They makes sense.''

''But.. ?'' You know there's more that he itches to say.

''But, as much as everyone deserves to be heard and understood, some are just born evil. Born without remorse for others. It'll surprise you how we encounter many people such them in our daily lives. So avoid thinking that criminals did what they've done because they had a traumatic and devastating life. You're unknowingly justifying the ends by their means, something you cannot do especially if the lives of innocents are on the line.''

It's unclear why Mark sounds firm and sure regarding of meeting the people he just talked about but since their existence is not exactly a secret from the whole world, you suppose he's correct.

Too caught up in your conversation, your feet reached the entrance of your dorm's building in no time. Turning around, you offer a cheeky smile at him. ''Thank heavens then that I don't need to worry about my safety.''

Mark returns your smile with a hearty scoff. He knows where this is going. ''Uh-huh, and why is that?''

''Because I have Spiderman as my best friend! You'll protect me, won't you spidey?'' Giggling, Mark nudges your arm as you walk side by side, resorting to shaking his head instead of joining your spiderman agenda.

Spiderman or not, Mark vows to himself to keep you away from the darkness of this world with all his might. He already lost his uncle, he couldn't afford to lose someone so dear to his heart once again.

The alarm blares loudly and pierces your ear drums, almost busting them yet you didn't make any effort of getting up. The ringing sounds extra loud today, though. Ah.. you don't really want to wake up. Your body shifts to a new position, hands searching where your phone lays.

Definitely, no one wants to wake up before the roosters crows in a weekend where you should be using all your time to rest in preparation of yet another tiring week.

Skin making a contact with the source of the sound, you didn't feel any vibration with it. Just as when you decided to go back to sleep and withstand the annoying ringing of the alarm, rapid knocks on your door overpowered the previous sound, effectively pulling you out of the borderline between dreamland and reality.

You sit up. ''Fuck--'' It is only then that you realized, the alarm isn't coming from your usual alarm clock. Instead, it is the fire alarm ringing and announcing the state of your building.

With panic taking over your emotions, your body moves fast. Getting all the things that you know is important before soaking a blanket in water, covering yourself with it, and finally running out to leaving your room. Tears pricks your eyes as you meet the fiery blaze engulfing the whole building, enclosing in with every blink and every breath you take. You step a few backwards, lips quivering as you try to ignore the scorching heat seeping through the wet blanket, threatening to burn your skin any minute. Your eyes wavers.

There's so many ways you could die but dying helplessly amidst of an arson is not what you fancy. A scream of horror couldn't even be used to express your fear, you remain quiet and whimpering despite the shivering of your body, arms hugging yourself.

Your doors shut close once again, your back leaning against it as you falls to the ground, drops of tears continuously running down your cheeks. The fire started from a floor below yours, or at least that's what it seemed like. Meaning you absolutely have no chance of escaping the flames unless you jump out of your window. Surely, you're somehow survive a fall from the 5th floor, right?

A rattle created somewhere in your house snaps you out of your nonlogical thoughts. Looking up, you don't know whether to believe your eyes or rub the surface of your orbs, taking a second look in case what you're seeing is just a figment of your imagination. Maybe you're slowly losing some screws in the head.

But the movement of the figure, jogging towards you, tells you otherwise. ''What the fuck.. ?''

It's real.

It's him.

It's Spiderman in the fucking flesh.

Once again, you are stolen from your trance by his arms gently pulling you up, steadying you. Without much of a warning, the superhero scoops you in his arms and flies out of the window. And holy fuck, does it scared the shit out of you that the fibers of your body started to scream nothing but hold on tight to the man who's swinging down the building with you.

The uncalled adventure ended before you could even processed that your building is currently burning down, you got stucked between the fire and now Spiderman just saved you. No one should be able to blame you if you take days to properly digest what just happened.

He stands before you for a few more seconds, as if raking down his eyes. You tilt your head when he nods and runs to save the others. ''The fuck.. ?'' For the nth of the day, you let out a curse.

Your brain is totally playing with you. There's no fucking way Spiderman helped you, made sure that you got no wounds slash you're safe and sound before nodding as if to assure himself. Johnny is gonna combust if he's to hear your story.

The comfort of the thick blanket engulfs your figure as you hold your cellphone and wallet in your hand. Sighing, you turn to Jaehyun who came to your aid at this goddamn hour. ''You don't really have to stay with me, Jay. Pretty sure this'll end in an hour or so, you can go back now.''

Stubbornly, the male shakes his head. ''Did you know how worried we are when we heard from Mark that your dorm was on fire? Johnny and Haechan almost even flew out of Busan just to make sure you're alright.''

''Dude, I'm really fine, I promise. I can manage this, just rest.''

His hand pushes your head lightly to lay on his shoulder. ''No, you rest.''

Giving up, you let yourself relax, leaning your weigh towards Jaehyun as you pull the blanket tighter around you. The dreamland train is ready to send you to your slumber when your eyes opens abruptly, realizing what Jaehyun just said.

''Jay?''

He hums.

''From whom did you heard about the fire again?''

''Uh.. Mark?''

''And where is he right now?''

''... Dunno, maybe he's somewhere that's why he couldn't come.''

Your silence tells Jaehyun you're not convinced by his reason.

He silently prays Mark doesn't kick his ass.

2 hours passed and you decided to make Jaehyun drop you off on Mark's place, opting to stay there until everything's alright back at your apartment. It is proven that the male's walls have nothing against your persistent whines as you now lay on Mark's bed, scrolling through your phone.

Ever since stepping a foot here few minutes ago, you didn't catch nor sense Mark's presence. In usual days, it's Mark who zooms from wherever he is to your place once the news of something happening to you reaches him. But today, it was Jaehyun instead.

Your thoughts ponders to where it has been circling earlier. A voice inside you says something you surprisingly don't find hard to believe. Maybe it was your best friend who found you first after all, just not in his signature beanie and all black outfit.

''That's dumb. I should stop joining Johnny and Jaehyun with their shenanigans.''

You must've gone crazy now that you're talking to yourself.

''What's so crazy about that? Doesn't everyone talks to themselves at least once? It's not like it's so bad. According to scientists, taking to yourself brings you comfort and such.''

Of course, that's bullshit. You hate reading anything that involves science.

''Mark is not the superhero who got bitten by a magical spider that turned him into a man who saves the people from fire and crimes. Mark is just your stupid of a best friend that thinks putting strawberries in a microwave is a good idea because he likes his fruits warm. Mark is your best friend who's scared of cockroaches so how come he's a hero whose powers came from a spider? Mark is not Spiderman--''

Wrong. Absolutely Wrong.

Your claims got debunked right after you lay them down. You're absolutely fucking wrong.

The superhero whom you got to meet earlier, now stands in front of you once again. Hissing at what seemed to be a burn, unaware of the other presence inside the room, the mask comes off of his head, revealing the face the media and government would pay billions of money to see.

All this time, the jokes that Johnny and Jaehyun threw weren't all bullshit. Because the moment Spiderman turns out, the familiar chestnut shade eyes meets yours, effectively stilling both of your figures.

Holy motherfucking shit.

Spiderman IS Mark Lee.

''...''

''...''

''...''

''... let's treat your burn first.''

The hero nods like a puppy.

''Ouch! At least dab it gently. I may have powers but immunity to stings isn't one of them, you know?'' That only pushes you to dab the cotton pad harder on his burnt skin, earning a yelp.

''You deserve that after hiding this secret from us for how many years.''

''Who said I hid it from all of you? Johnny and Jaehyun have known about this months ago.'' Your glare scares the superhero embarrassingly. To be fair, it's not like Mark intended to let the duo know. It was accidental.

''And you didn't even dare to tell me, your literal best friend?'' You know exactly why he didn't want to risk revealing his secret even with those he trusts the most, you just don't know how to properly mask the worry inside you.

Mark, instead, smirks. ''Just say you're worried, it's not that bad to admit it, you know?'' He's right.

Your finger fumbles the cotton, eyes staring deeply to Mark's as you weigh the outcomes if you say the very sentence that lays at the tip of your tongue. The hem of your shirt moves, courtesy of Mark of playing with them.

Fuck it.

No one knows who leans in to who, all you know is that you desire to take more than the heat coming from Mark's tongue on yours. His arm wraps around your waist, flipping your position so you would be the one to lay on the bed, hovering your figure as his kisses travels down to your neck. Whimpers escapes your lips, hand threading the brown strands while the other feels the firm chest through his suit.

Your clothes soon flies to god knows where, the chilly wind bites through your bare skin but the flames of Mark's tongue licking every surface he can eases it. The lips comes back to meet yours one more time, devouring every area that he can reach. It's nothing like you expected to experience from Mark.

It's fierce, hot, and needy.

Wet sounds of kissing echoes through the silence of the room, rustling clothes accompanying it as Mark takes off his suit.

Fingers ghosting over the line that serves as an entrance to your core, your breath hitches. They entered Mark's mouth first, sucking and licking before pulling them out full of saliva just for the show. Finally dipping inside you, a sigh couldn't help but to be let out. It's deep, something you're unable to do whenever you're left to fend for yourself.

Mark gets on it, inserting one after another with little rest in between until he feels you're stretched enough for him. You pant, the angry red tip touching and tracing the line of your pussy, enough to send you desperate. So desperate that you whine and grinds your hips upwards to meet his length.

Caging you in his embrace, Mark's lips stays on yours as his cock slowly but smoothly slides past your opening, the veins rubbing along your walls enough to receive a quiet moan from you. There's a slight sting caused by the stretched of Mark's girthy dick but that's what you wanted, for it to hurt even a bit. In order for you could feel Mark fully.

''Good?''

''So good.''

Mark chuckles, observing your facial expression as he makes circles with his hips, hand caressing your sides in a comforting way. When he senses that you've gotten used to his cock sliding in and out of your entrance, he with no doubts quickens his pace. He starts fucking.

Screams of his name along with vulgar profanity fills the apartment, loud skin slapping fuelling the hunger for release. ''More, more, more-- fuck, Mark, please.''

The male grunts. God, just your calls of his name is enough to make him come. It takes him a lot of self-control to prevent his climax from raining on him quickly. With the determination of bringing you over the edge, his hips snaps harder, harsher and faster.

The way his tip gets caught on your walls before fully pulling out is hypnotizing. Hands gripping the pillow beside your head, Mark changes his angle a bit and that's when you scream his name loud enough for the neighbors to complain tomorrow. Mercilessly, Mark's bulbous tip jabs on your spot dead on continuously, giving you no time to catch some air.

His mouth attaches to your skin as he paints it with love bruises, a remembrance of your activity. ''Aah, shit-- are you close, baby? Are you gonna come around my cock? Tighten your-- fuck-- walls around me until I can't fucking-- aah-- breathe?''

You nod, chanting his name like a mantra as you plead him to bring you the mind numbing pleasure. Scratching his back, nails digging and creating crescent moon shapes on his skin-- Mark finds himself only getting closer to coming. His fingers wraps themselves around your wrist, placing your palm on the expanse of his neck. Mark groans when he feels the pleasuring grip on the sides of his throat, eyes rolling to the back as the perfect press sends him to his peak.

With your walls pulsating around him, white cream creating a customized ring for his cock, Mark thrusts once, twice, trice and a few more before he pulls out. Ribbons of white makes itself known on your stomach through the warmth it radiates. His head is thrown to the back as his mouth falls apart, moaning your name.

Minutes passes by and it was only then that Mark came to his senses, laying carefully beside you. Despite just having his cock inside you not long ago, Mark visibly stills when you wrap your arms around his waist. You chuckle.

''Any secrets you have that you want to tell me?'' Whispering against his shoulder, Mark gains the courage of placing his arm to hug you side ways. He smiles, staring at the ceiling.

''If I didn't know any better, I'd say that smiles means you like me.''

''Well, do you?''

''Do I what?''

''Know better.''

Giggles of happiness echoes the bedroom.

It is night and your heels clicking the floor is heard along the quiet alley. You purses your lips, hands buried in the pockets of your jacket to hide from the freezing cold of the night. Eyes remaining to the ground, you steps comes to a halt when you sense another presence just behind you.

The shadow shows an upside down figure of someone, a strange yet familiar way. You turn around with no fear, smile of adore dawning your face as the sight of your boyfriend waiting greets you.

''Hi,'' Softly, you caress his upside down face. ''The people are waiting for you to save them, spidey.''

''Can I get my good luck? So I'd know someone is waiting for me to get back home?'' Chuckle rumbles on your chest as you pinch his cheek.

Your fingers tugs the hem of his mask, enough to reveal the naturally red yet slightly chapped lips that you love. Pressing a loving kiss, you hoped that Mark was able to decipher all the feelings you've put.

''Can I tell you a secret?''

You didn't wait a respond from him.

''I love you.''

You peck his lips.

''So damn much.''

You fix his mask and ensure that it wouldn't slip off of him.

''Be careful while saving the world, will you? I wouldn't know what to do if I lose mine.''

With one last kiss through the fabric of his mask, Mark vows that after helping the people, he will come back safely-- to his very own home, his own world.

[gonnalosemydougdimmadomedamnmind]

Literally I am so sick of whore dick grayson, himbo dick grayson, fandom bicycle dick grayson, like yall really saw that dick is the canonical pretty boy with the nice ass and then proceeded to give him 'bottom' as a personality and just ran away with that. Dick is not a pretty idiot that loves having sex and only cares about his appearance, for fucks sake. He doesnt need to be rescued by jason todd of all people, who literally willingly burned all his bridges and can't even save himself, or wally west, frankly, who is one of his best friends but not the one he gets emotionally vulnerable with.

He doesn't do casual sex, at all. He needs an emotional connection first, is it so hard to believe that an attractive person actually wants to connect to someone instead of fucking them? Or fucking their problems away? Is it really so hard to believe that an attractive person can also be intelligent? Can also be kind? Can also be selfless? Can also take care of themself? Can also be a functioning adult? Can also be mature? Can also be damn fucking good at their job? Have yall ever met a real person before?

Dick is Romani and one of the most well known stereotypes about the Romani people are that they are like magically alluring people that can't keep their hands to themselves or that they're like thieving, dumb, dirty animals and what did yall reduce Dick down to? An overly emotional, stupid, pretty slut that acts without thinking.

You know just because something is racist in canon doesn't mean you have to take that and amplify it by 100 in fanon, right? Like the shit I have seen on this website alone, the takes that just won't stop, are literally so much more racist than anything you would ever find in canon. And good God, it's not like you have to make his race the forefront of his character! It's not! No one's is, that would be bad characterization. But should his being Romani affect the way you portray him? Should there be certain things you can be considerate about? Should being Romani be part of his identity? Uh, yeah.

And also. Should you maybe consider what he's actually like in canon to characterize him within fandom spaces? Uh, YEAH.

Dick Grayson is a romantic at heart, is extremely private, and cherishes the emotional connections he has with people. He is a good person because he chooses to do good things. He wants to help people! He's literally a genius, I mean this in every possible sense, academically, physically, emotionally, strategically, picking up and mastering skills with ease, being a detective... that doesn't mean he doesn't have problems. He's an extreme workaholic. He will never talk about his own problems to his friends or family, just the occasional therapist. He's so good with people, he knows exactly how to manipulate situations into his favor, to his own detriment. He will never give up on you, to his own detriment. He bottles up his emotions deeply, and yes, occasionally he does explode. He has a guilt complex the size of the sun. Everything is his fault in his head, Everything. He will accept the blame for anything, for his own rape even, because he's Dick Grayson and hey, he should've known, he should've been able to tell. (This is specifically talking about Miriam).

Everyone puts him on a pedastal because he's the guy that can actually pull off the impossible and no one but him realizes just how high that pedastal is. Bruce wants to be him, thinks there is literally no one better than him, no one who could soar higher than him, the ideal hero. His hero.

Goddamn Superman thinks he's the one person in the universe that will almost always do the right thing at the right time across every universe. And I don't mean that he will BE the right person at the right time, I mean he will DO the right thing at the right time, because Dick believes in the power of choices! Of free will! He could do bad things just as easily as the people around him, he could choose to be cruel because that is literally so. much. easier.

But he doesn't.

Almost ever.

In nearly every universe.

Do you know how much pressure that is? He drowns under the weight of his own perfection, truly. He can't fail.

He can't fail.

Isn't that so unbearably sad? You spend your whole life reassuring other people that everyone gets second chances, and that you are not your worst moment, and that you deserve compassion even at your most despicable, and that everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes things are inevitable, and sometimes all you can give is your best.

You are the only person. Who does not receive that same mercy.

He can't fail.

His family treats him as an emotional punching bag, sometimes a physical punching bag. Occasionally, so will his friends. It's hard to see the person behind the legend. And Dick's legend is truly titanic in proportions... the first child hero. No one could've done it, if he hadnt done it first. If he hadnt done it so exceedingly well. And then he had his own hero team. And then he became his own hero, again. And then he had his own city. He did it all first. The literal trailblazer, lighting the way for everyone else, not letting anyone stop him. Not waiting for anything. A force of nature.

Everyone wants to be him, be liked by him, be acknowledged by him. They all rely on him, the linchpin of a universe. Dick really is like the sun. Warm, encouraging, revitalizing. He is the light in the dark, illuminating and intense. Focused. Powerful. And they are all caught in his gravitational field.

Dick is so much more interesting than anything fandom will spare him. God, what I would give for fandom to give even a 10th of actual attention and critical thought to him or any other poc character in this franchise, that fandom gives to the white characters. I mean, we've all seen it. The narrative fabricated through lies that 95% of fandom takes as gospel because they refuse to engage with canon or simply don't care because it favors their favorite characters. In case you don't know, I am in fact talking about fanon jason todd- aka meaner Dick Grayson with Helena Bertinelli's lifestyle and fanon tim drake- aka less athletic, more victimized Dick Grayson. The white fandom darlings, extremely woobified, you know how it is. Sigh.

[pankekesito]

Rust Cohle's tattoos - A mini-essay on their possible meaning

Hi, this is probably my longest post, I may have to split it into two parts due to the length but I will try to see that everything can be compacted into one post.

DISCLAIMER!

This mini essay is done purely as a hobby by a die-hard True Detective fan, none of this is actually 100% confirmed (other than the interview part of ‘The Last Magazine’). While this is as logical and accurate a research as possible, it's just a hypothesis of what Rust Cohle's tattoos seen in the series could mean; if you don't think it's reasonable, that's fine. All opinions are valid as long as they are made on the basis of respect!

Without more to say, I hope you find this Mini Essay interesting and fun, I made it with all my love for you (and obviously because of my love for Rust); I would like to know your opinions about it, even if they are not the same as me! (I will leave a section in my profile to give you the sources used in the research in case you want to know more about the arguments to support my opinion).

An apology if something is not fully understood, English is not my first language ⸜❤︎⸝

And remember, ⥁‘Time is a flat circle’⥀

Rust Cohle has two tattoos which are a bird of unknown species on his right forearm and an unidentified symbol on his chest; right where the heart is located.

Focusing on the forearm tattoo, thanks to a short interview in “The Last Magazine” published on May 10, 2016; Josh Lord who is a renowned tattoo artist who has worked to perform various tattoos in the entertainment world along with Joji Fukunaga who directed the first season of the series mentioned that they wanted the tattoos presented in this one to have the same detailed realism that is reflected in the audiovisual product. For the case of Rust Cohle initially in Pizzolatto's original script his tattoo would consist of a pair of flaming dice. Personally I'm glad to know that this didn't happen because while they tried to give him that wild and dangerous meaning, Rust doesn't believe in the randomness of fate and every action he takes he does it consciously, carrying in him the responsibility for his actions and not granting it to fate. Josh and Fukunaga had something clear and that is that the tattoos would go from being a decorative element to a characterization, a symbolic element of the souls and the truth of the guts of the characters.

For this very reason they chose to draw on Cohle's undercover past as a member of a criminal motorcycle gang, whose emblem was originally intended to be a raven. Subsequent revisions turned the gang into the “Iron Crusaders” where very aptly the tattoos of its members refer to anvils, bones, engine parts, demons, weapons, etc. Something important to note is that the vision of the Iron Crusaders is dark, mysterious, funereal and gloomy (as all its operation within the series), the initial idea where the raven would be its emblem makes sense because in general the raven is associated with death because they are scavengers, predators and for some civilizations they embody death and the underworld.

But while the terrain where the Iron Crusaders unfold has a close relationship with the first and best known negative view (symbolically speaking) of ravens, its positive meaning has more to do with Rust Cohle's behavior and reason. The raven can also be a powerful animal totem, a protector and spiritual guide, a shape-shifter, a messenger and the symbol of transformation. In its benevolent symbolism, it represents giving up on the human world in search of wisdom, as well as being a cunning and intelligent animal capable of adapting and embracing change. In the Scandinavian tradition, the raven is a sacred and wise figure that brings virtues of “reflection” and “memory” while in Native American tribes, ravens are revered for their intelligence and spiritual importance. They are considered messengers of the spiritual world, possessors of universal wisdom and protectors against evil forces. It is also said that in Norse mythology there were two ravens that always accompanied the god Odin, whose names were Hugin and Munin. Hugin represented the power of thought and Munin represented memory and intuition; every time the sun rose both were sent to earth in search of information and every night at sunset they returned to Odin's palace and whispered all the news and events of which they had learned on their visit to planet earth.

A fact that may not be so relevant (and most probably I am just adding it to be interesting) is that there is a constellation called Corvus having four points in its constellation that make it to be, which is related to the raven (it is all due to a Greek myth). I like to think that this has a lot to do with Rust's tattoo because of the position of his tattoo (more properly speaking the wings) with the resemblance to the graphic references usually used for the raven of the constellation Corvus and the close relationship it has with the universe and the cosmic. Also the four points of the constellation remind me of the four stages of Rust Cohle seen during the series (1995, Crash Comeback, 2002, 2012).

Now we can't overlook the fact that the Celts held ravens in high esteem, associating them with battles and the Celtic Goddess of war and destruction (Morrigan). Ravens were seen as protectors and warriors, embodying the qualities of intelligence and strategic thinking. The raven's ability to shape-shift, attributed to Morrigan, further emphasizes its transformative nature. All of the above meanings attributed to ravens provided by various cultures, whether with a positive or negative focus curiously fit perfectly well with the ideology of our armored detective Rust Cohle. Rust is surrounded by silent anxiety, tragedy, death, chaos and pain. He himself struggles even with internal battles, his demons from the past. Yet he has a strong mentality, he uses his reason to adapt to even the most unsafe territories even if it means changing shape (like Crash). The fact that he more than likely made the decision to get the tattoo during his infiltration as Crash when he was in the narcotics department is reasonable as he was like a predator within the gang, a shape-shifting scavenger trying to get answers as he shrewdly roamed the rubble of human evil. The raven was his way of remembering his purpose and no wonder, Rust is very skilled with manual tasks. His hands allow him to do his work properly; watching them constantly do the dirty work and hide or reveal the ashes when necessary makes him evoke his intention in this world and how ephemeral it is on the earthly plane. It is not for nothing that the raven is on his forearm, showing his bones as a sign that death will always be with him until his last breath.

To focus on his last tattoo (and the most intriguing in my opinion) we must go back to Celtic culture. As we have seen throughout the series, symbols and religions (beliefs of something beyond comprehension) are always present because they touch the most sensitive parts of human beings. Their constant search for belonging and the meaning of life. In Celtic culture runes are used as signs, talismans, symbols and runic alphabets. Basically runes are a writing system that was used in Scandinavia and parts of Northern Europe from the Iron Age to the Middle Ages. Although it is not known exactly who invented runes, it is believed that they emerged sometime around the 1st century AD. Specifically “Rune” means secret. Runes are magical instruments of power, carriers of secrets and wisdom. There are several types of runes with vast meanings however in my research I found four runes which I will use to support my hypothesis about the possible meaning of Cohle's chest tattoo. First we must be certain that the tattoo on the chest of Rust does NOT exist as such in the Futhark Runes, or in any other compilation of symbolism so we can say that this symbol is a composite symbol; referring to the fact that although it is based on the Celtic runes, it has NO direct relationship, nor systematically objective. We can notice it even more thanks to the inverted cross of the tattoo (soon we will return to this point).

Talking about the possible runes used for the composition of the tattoo we have:

•Rune Thurisaz ᚦ

Meaning: Door. Reflection. New options. Magical use: Regeneration. Concentration. Override negativity. Meditation. New beginnings. When you need luck and control of any circumstance. Protection and defense. Neutralize enemies or opposition.

•Rune Raidho ᚱ

Meaning: Wheel. Travel. Communication. Help in taking risks. Self-healing. Magical use: Changes. Protection. Transformation. Justice according to good. Safe and comfortable travel.

•Rune Wunjo ᚹ

Meaning: Joy. Comfort. Harmony. Security. Tranquility. Magical use: Triumph. Motivation. Recognition. Achievement of goal. Success in travel. Luck in love or work.

•Rune Berkana ᛒ

Meaning: Growth. Awakening. Rebirth. Development of creativity. Magical use: Healing. Wholeness. Clarity. Motherhood. Self-realization. Fertility. When seeing the runes presented we can relate them with Rust Cohle because they present several descriptive concepts that define him; but to my point of view, of those presented the rune more linked (and similar to his tattoo) is the rune Raidho.

Throughout the series we can see the entire journey Cohle goes through both through the Lange case that is presented to him, as well as his growth individually. His journey in general has been dangerous, putting him in a vulnerable state but never fully achieving it, having Rust in a cathartic state of progression where although the road was arduous, it always ends with him having a safe process of introspection. This path was just like a wheel where he repeated over and over again aspects of his life that he had already lived (Time is a flat circle) but thanks to communication these repetitive aspects had a significant change. The clearest example of this is his relationship with Marty Hart; in the series they had a partnership that while solid was undeniably chaotic. Marty did not want to listen to Rust and Cohle could not stop spouting his pessimistic ideology until the issue related to Maggie happened which made them separate. It wasn't until 2012 that Rust swallowed his depressing verbiage in order to talk to Marty and he, took his time to listen to Cohle and support him in his plan. Changing their relationship and the situation through communication. Precisely to this, both were able to give the due justice that the case deserved and finally Rust was able to be a little warmer with himself, finally accepting the past that haunted him and taking the first step to self-healing.

Of course, the Raidho rune and the symbol on Rust's chest are not the same because as I mentioned earlier, Cohle's tattoo is (probably) a composite symbol but the resemblance both physically of the rune and allegorically to the detective's ideology is something worth mentioning. Rustin Cohle's first step in understanding his pain and being able to allow himself to open up honestly and vulnerably with someone as he did with Marty was to be humble about his feelings. Humility was an important factor in this, as well as dealing humanely with his penance given by the past. These two issues are ideological characteristics given in the Christian symbol of the inverted cross of St. Peter. According to tradition, Peter asked to be crucified upside down because he did not consider himself worthy of dying in the same way as his master, Jesus of Nazareth. However, in other contexts the inverted cross is often used as a symbol of atheism, humanism and occultism. This is also notoriously seen in Rust's philosophy as we know that the belief in something greater than the human being which governs the commandments of humanity seems ridiculous to him. A simple stoic belief to alleviate the rottenness of reality. That is why perhaps that rune was transformed according to Rust's philosophy (which makes sense, Josh Lord does not do work without tying up loose ends; much less from the hand of Joji Fukunaga).

While we don't have an exact answer about the meaning of the tattoos of our endearing and cold-hearted detective, I like the idea of trying to unravel the hidden meanings among the symbols that physically characterize his personality, trying to investigate as logically and clearly as possible the probable exact representations of Rust's philosophy embodied in his skin. I believe that the series is so well designed that even the smallest details count and that's why I took the time to try to dig into the secrets of what Rust's tattoos want to tell us.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read this mini-essay! It was really fun to do, I think that while I'm not sure what his tattoos really mean; I was able to better understand Rust in different and meaningful ways. I hope someday we can know for sure what they mean (although part of me doesn't want to, because that would take the fun out of it). I'd really appreciate it if you could leave a like if you found it informative or entertaining, comment on what you thought, if you have any other theories of its possible meaning or reblog this mini-essay so more people interested in True Detective could see it! A kiss to whoever reads this and I hope the Yellow King never finds you! 💛

[princeescaluswords]

Almost Universally Accepted

If you ever wonder why people like me think the Teen Wolf fandom has become fundamentally corrupted by racism, you simply need to recall that there is, as one person on this site remarked recently, an 'almost universally accepted' headcanon among the fandom. Based on a single glance near the end of the first episode of the third season, Tattoo, a large number of people in this fandom believe that Stiles Stilinski helped Derek Hale and his pack look for their kidnapped betas over the summer between Scott's and Stiles's sophomore and junior years. In terms of the television production, this would be the hiatus between Season 2 and Season 3.

At first, it seems a perfectly harmless headcanon, but I believe it's a blatant example of how fandom racism degrades media literacy. Allow me to walk you through my reasoning. To start, most headcanons exist in a neutral state with regards to canon. When you speculate on a character's favorite ice cream flavor or whether they spend Christmases with their grandparents, it is most likely not going to affect how you view the canon. This particular one, however, modifies a crucial canon event, one which establishes both the relationships and a major part of the plot for an entire season. Coincidentally, those relationships and that plot are primary motive forces for the lead protagonist's character arc. Thus, accepting this headcanon requires the viewer to radically reinterpret the starting point of an entire season differently than the production's actual intention. It's such a radical change that any critical thinking requires a person to ask what the goal of this headcanon could possibly be, since it simply cannot fit within the canon itself.

Point One: The headcanon is entirely unsupported. Consider the image at the top of this post. That look on Stiles's face is, as far as I can tell, the sole trigger behind the creation of this suspect headcanon. Stiles makes eye contact with Derek and, apparently, looks guilty to the fandom. From this, Stiles is supposed to be sharing a private moment of remorse with Derek, to which Scott is not privy, about their inability to find Boyd and Erica over the summer.

Even given the possibility that the look on Stiles's face could also be interpreted as genuine concern for the fates of Boyd and Erica, regret that something new is coming for Beacon Hills, or even frustration that Scott is getting involved once more in something dangerous, the headcanon's interpretation does not in any way mesh with the actual lines spoken in the scene.

Derek: A pack of 'em. An Alpha pack. Stiles: All of them? How does that even work? Derek: I hear there's some kind of a leader. He's called Deucalion. We know they have Boyd and Erica. Peter, Isaac, and I have been looking for him for the last four months. Scott: Let's say you find them. How do you deal with an Alpha pack? Derek: With all the help I can get.

If Stiles has been working with Derek all summer to find and rescue Boyd and Erica, this dialogue makes no sense. Wouldn't Stiles already know about the alpha pack and how it works? Why would Derek not list Stiles among the people searching? It would require Stiles and Derek (and later Peter and Isaac) to deliberately decide to exclude Scott. Those who adhere to the headcanon never actually explain why that Stiles and Derek would want to conceal Stiles's participation in the search from Scott, but that's not their point.

Yet, while a conspiracy might explain why they don't reveal the secret here, it doesn't even begin to address while it is never mentioned elsewhere during the season (or any season). It also renders the dialogue between Derek and Stiles and between Peter and Stiles in Chaos Rising (3x02) incongruous. It makes the relationships between Stiles and Isaac and Stiles and Boyd incoherent. It makes the way Stiles treats Derek throughout the rest of the season nonsensical. But that's not all.

Point Two: It shreds characterizations for everyone but Scott. Take Stiles. In the last appearance of Stiles in Season 2, he tells Scott that "you still have me," in an incontrovertible statement of support. Why would a Stiles who made that promise hide this information from Scott; not just in this scene but in every scene about the Alpha Pack to come. If he was trying to keep Scott out of the supernatural things, then he didn't do a very good job; after all, he's the one who tells Scott about the Darach once Stiles discovers it. If he's secretly angry at Scott for something (whether it be not finding him when Gerard kidnapped him or some other fandom-conjured reason such as Scott 'ignoring' him all summer), then why wouldn't he use it when he argues with Scott in Unleashed (3x04), Frayed (3x05), Motel California (3x06) or Currents (3x07)? For this headcanon to be even remotely valid, it has to suppose that Derek and Stiles established a positive working relationship, but Derek is the one person to whom Stiles doesn't bring his ideas about the Darach. Why the sudden and unexplained change in regard?

Take Derek. If Derek trusted Stiles enough to have him help his pack look for Boyd and Erica over the summer, why would Derek so casually and cruelly dismiss Stiles's assistance after the recovery of Isaac ("Not You!"). If Derek is simply trying to keep Scott out of this -- which is actually seen on the screen -- isn't it callous of him to not have tried to keep Stiles out of it? And if Derek is angry enough with Scott not to seek his help over the summer (though this emotions doesn't stop him from accepting and asking for Scott's help visually on the screen), why doesn't Derek ever bring up that he trust Stiles enough to help but not Scott?

Keeping this a secret throughout the entire season doesn't match anyone else's character, either. Why didn't Peter use it to needle Stiles in Chaos Rising or needle Scott in Unleashed? Why does Peter, who is consistently portrayed as manipulative and using other people's misdeeds to excuse his actions ("I'm not the only dysfunctional family member.") not use it to undermine Derek's or Isaac's trust in Scott? For that matter, why doesn't Isaac use it in any of the conflicts he has with Stiles? It simply doesn't fit in with anyone else's behavior or characterizations.

Part Three: It does, however, serve to undermine Scott's role as lead protagonist. This is, at the base, the point. It's not really a starting point for Sterek that they claim it to be; a massive conspiracy doesn't really establish the impetus for their relationship considering how they both canonically treat Scott later. It does, however, serve as a coded way to establish the white male characters in the show as a social group in and of themselves, one from which Scott must be excluded, perhaps because of his inadequacies (he has to go summer school, see, which in Beacon Hill seems to be envisioned as a boot camp-slash-gulag) or his sins (not sacrificing Allison) but there has to be a reason. When you take in the way it doesn't fit into anything happen and doesn't really help what they want to happen, the only logical reason for the creation of this headcanon is that it demonstrates their belief that Scott does not deserve his position as lead protagonist, and that Stiles's professed loyalty is slowly being transferred to a man he had on a list of people responsible for human sacrifices twice.

But it is inevitable that such headcanons go against the themes of the show, the plot of the show, and the established characterizations of the cast, because consistency is not really important to parts of the fandom. What is important is that it suggests the true focus of the story should be where the believe it belongs: any white male character. This ill-fitting whim has become almost universally accepted, to remove a character of color form his position as lead protagonist with a subtext so deep it appears for exactly 2 seconds.

It is indeed racism.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Ok no let me explain you a thing.

I can't take it. I literally can't take this moment without making a sound somewhere in the back of my throat. It's the cutest thing ever and it's this frame here that makes it.

Look, I know this is Wan. I know Wan isn't really canon and this is the preschool episode so it's even less so. But there's something in here that is an absolutely canon thing Akutagawa does.

The scene starts off with Akutagawa's typical reverence and excitement that Dazai is sitting near him. Nothing particularly notable there. But then Dazai gets excited by what's going on and Akutagawa gives him this look and I just can't take it man.

Because that's a genuinely fond look. He's happy for him. He's happy Dazai is enjoying himself.

And that's not just a Wan thing. He says along those lines to Kyouka in one of my all-time favourite BSD scenes in general.

It just. I just have a lot of feelings about that. This is a guy who, we know from Heartless Cur and the beginning of Beast, has very little in the way of emotion - but when he does feel, it's rather all-encompassing, even overwhelmingly strong. Things like rage and desperation. It's raw survival instinct.

But then he has. This too.

Here's the thing. In the preschool chapter, silly as it is, Dazai is still fixated on suicide. He has the noose, just doesn't speak about it openly. So, it's probably quite rare that Dazai shows genuine enjoyment the way he did here - and that's worth that small smile.

In the main universe, Akutagawa remembers how Kyouka hated herself to the point of asking to be killed, then sees how fierce she is about defending her new life and self, and decides that he's glad for her.

It really means something to me that one of the very few relational emotions he allows himself to feel is happiness and pride on others' behalf.

It roots itself less in compassion or happiness itself and more in a sense of respect... but remember that Akutagawa hardly gives his respect easily. He gives his respect only to those he considers strong, and in nearly every battle, he finds himself disappointed. What he wants is kind of contradictory - he wants a worthy opponent, so someone who poses a strong challenge to him to prove his own worth as one who will never be weak again... and yet, when they lose against him, he's often disappointed they did not succeed or fight harder, and looks down on them.

Atsushi's motive, or what he initially thinks his motive is, is disappointing to him at first - Akutagawa believes he is trying to prove himself as worthy of living through someone else's acceptance and berates him for it. But that's... exactly what he has been doing. Later on, he continues to question Atsushi for his motives, in yet another of one of my favourite scenes.

He asks him over and over - "why?" And is not satisfied until Atsushi reveals that he's also looking to get rid of the shadow of the orphanage director that follows him like a haunting - that trauma? All that pain thrown in his face? He is fighting to overcome it. He is fighting via proof and change because Atsushi wants to live, and to not have to feel ashamed of that. And that's what it took for Akutagawa to trust him and respect him enough to transfer Rashoumon to him.

I think, on some level, Akutagawa is invested in seeing whether Atsushi will succeed in this. And I think, in spite of everything between them, he will be glad for him if he does.

I just really love this aspect to his character, because while he searches for strength in violence and power and physical skill, it means on a deeper level, he actually sees joy and resistance in the face of despair as true strength that's worth acknowledging.

I want him so badly to accept that as true strength within himself in the main timeline.

I also love it because Beast confirms that Akutagawa would do anything for his sister and I am now free to imagine Gin telling her brother all the things she was learning and how she was slowly connecting to the Black Lizard and feeling overwhelming pride for her but not really expressing that but Gin knowing that's how he felt regardless, anyways that is all

Is this even coherent anymore? Oh well.

[weiszklee]

@fandomsandfeminism Let's take this to its own post, I like this discussion, but it has gone on a bit of a sidetrack.

fandomsandfeminism you...can't think of any reason why Germany specifically might not be super quick to embrace "traditional heritage" nowadays? And that this might not be a universal experience? Could there be a reason why you don't see that specifically in Germany that might not hold true in another country? weiszklee Of course, but I don't think the lesson of WW2 was "Germans can't be trusted with nationalism." For me at least, it's "nationalism itself is suspect." fandomsandfeminism Have you considered that not everyone would equate feeling a strong connection to their cultural heritage with nationalism? weiszklee Well that's kinda what I am asking. What other reason could there be besides nationalism? fandomsandfeminism there are many reasons that a person might feel connected to their culture and heritage that aren't specifically tied to nationalism. Like, this is a very US American perspective from me, but consider like... someone who is Cherokee or Tejano or African American. If they felt a strong connection to their culture and heritage, would you assume that was nationalism on their part? this might be a great time to remember that your experiences are not universal. weiszklee Well, indigenous cultures holding on to their heritage is kind of a reaction to the forces that try to suppress these cultures, no? So while I am still wary of this, because obviously yes it is nationalism, I can sorta understand it. Gotta hang tight to the things nobody can take from you and stuff. I don't see how this applies to Greece. I am aware that my experiences are not universal. That's why I explained my experiences, to make them legible from the outside. fandomsandfeminism I'm...not sure we are using the term nationalism the same way if you think that indigenous people in America having cultural pride is nationalism. like, again, this is a very American perspective. But like...to me, strong connection to cultural heritage tends to be a very minority and immigrant expression, and if anything tends to stand in opposition of American Nationalism (which would have you identify as *American* first and foremost). and with that in mind, this kind of connection to the cultural heritage of classical Greece has its own context as well. Applying your (very valid) experience as a German outside of the context of Germany...doesn't always work. Different cultures with different histories create different contexts for that kind of thing.

Firstly, I resent the insinuation that I only reject nationalism because I'm German. Nationalism is actually quite common here still, even in the mainstream, which I find quite worrying. I reject nationalism because I'm a) a humanist and b) a socialist. And I think nationalism a) stands in the way of the people of the world realizing their commonalities and working together for the good of all, and b) tries to paper over very real intra-national class differences. Living vicariously through one's nation's greats is a poor substitute for material liberation and emancipation.

I think these two aspects make for a good summary of my understanding of nationalism in general: Emphasizing (or rather constructing) firstly differences with other nations and secondly cohesion within the nation, whether the nation is defined legalistically, pragmatically, racially, culturally or however.

In a way, nationalism can also denote the status quo, of course. Our world is divided up into nation-states, and we just accept that this makes sense, that it makes a difference on which side of a drawn line someone is born. In this wider sense, all national liberation movements are nationalistic, too, but I would really only find that concerning if they try to establish themselves through nationalism in the stricter sense of emphasizing inside cohesion and outside differences.

With all that in mind, I can repeat the claim which you originally took issue with: Besides historical curiosity and neopagan reconstructionism, the only other reason I can see for being very invested in traditional (and even ancient) heritage is nationalism.

If you think there are other reasons, I would be interested to hear them. But your examples so far do look like nationalism to me (even though, again, they don't seem super threatening at the moment, because there is not much power behind them, and they mostly exist as a reaction to attempts of suppression, so it's reasonable to assume that with material liberation, the need for being so invested in "cultural heritage" would wither away over a few generations). Membership in the groups you mention is predefined, typically by being born into them, and the "cultural heritage" works to a) reinforce outside differences and b) emphasize inside cohesion even across class lines. So even though it doesn't seem particularly threatening at the moment, and I don't think it makes sense to expend too much energy working against it, I would not support this nationalism. There is no substitute for class struggle.

[silverskye13]

could I ask how far into building you are when it comes to the uhhh

court of remembrance? was it court? church? order! the order of remembrance lol

how far have you build out how they work, like their common routines/rituals/etc.

I was considering making my hels!oc part of em cause the hermit-adjacent/"original" player version of my sona is really big on documenting things as they have poor memory, and I want that to be something that ties the two together? if that makes sense?

I'm so sorry this got so long. I. Have a lot of fun world building.

My notes on the Order of Remembrance, as cohesively as I can jot them down, below:

Sooo, when I was figuring out hels stuff, the Order of Remembrance [OR for short] kinda turned up as the equivalent of a culture developing an afterlife, in a world where "afterlife" demonstrably doesn't exist. What would you replace with the idea of an eternal spirit/soul, in a world where superstition and religion still exist? What do you cope with? How do you comfort? Who fills the gaps and holes in the community that people slip through, and why? What informs purpose and meaning?

Memory, the importance of remembrance, the idea that you owe it to the people around you to remember they existed, and that existence affected your life. The idea that you, as an individual, can make someone's life matter by celebrating them, mourning them, even hating them. The universe is indifferent. The greatest sin a helsmet can commit is being indifferent as well.

This started the Remembrance Walls, which gave them importance as landmarks and places of spirituality. And any place with importance deserves protection, preservation, and accessibility.

OR probably started as a small neighborhood collective dedicated to preserving the Remembrance Walls. Which turned into being the people who also supplied the bricks made for those walls, and helping people carve them. Which turned into people who would check in with folks in the neighborhood that hadn't been seen in awhile, making sure they were safe, and taking their names down if they were gone. Eventually a collective turns into an organization, and the ritual of that collective turns into a religion. Now there are helsmets who dedicate their lives, or large sums of money and material goods, to the church. In turn, the church gives back to the community in any way they can, because the more people are involved with each other, the more memories they make, the more that can be preserved.

This is also why OR is so big. Successful people in hels want a legacy that's remembered, so you put your name on every landmark in town -- the OR cathedral is a massive landmark. Memory is important [even the most self centered and heinous need purpose and fulfillment] so a lot of people associate themselves with the church in some way or another. Being remembered is a goal for everyone, not just the community minded. The OR will be important until memory stops being important.

The Staff:

Members directly serving the OR in an official capacity are: Priests/clerics [with one presiding Head/High Priest], scribes, clerks, historians, brickmakers, knights [and squires], and one or two paladins. Various members of the official congregation [they consider all of hels their congregation, given everyone deserves to be remembered, but the official congregation are those who actually attend the church services and functions] will also work for the church if they can donate relevant skills -- this is a part of the church's community building. They will seek needs and fill them with skilled individuals within the church or, if they don't have a recommendation, will contact other churches for members of their congregation. If you need a stone mason for a project, a jeweler for a custom piece, or someone to provide wheat for your new bakery, and don't know where to find one, asking at the OR cathedral is a good place to start.

Priests: Deal with the more spiritual and communal aspects of memory and remembrance. The church has divided the city into districts, and every district has at least one priest who regularly attends it, though the church's goal is to have 3 per district. Every district has at least one remembrance wall, and it's the priest's job to know all the names on that wall, as well as to know as many people as they can in their district, so they can do regular check ins on their well-being. They hold services to add new names to their walls, host and organize community events for their districts [plays, cookouts, parties, gatherings, etc]. They don't pray in the traditional sense -- Memory is more of an idea than a true deity -- but their prayers involve memorizing names, events, dates. A lot of priests will write songs and ballads to aid in this, which they will perform for each other or sing at organized events.

Scribes/clerks/historians: Exactly what it says on the tin. Stationed at the church, these guys get down to the brass tacks of putting ink to paper and codifying memory. They keep accurate records of everything from city economics to books written to personal anecdotes, and they guard their work jealously. Transcribing is a job of great importance, and accurate scribes are revered by the church. The OR has been known to pay a small fortune to individuals who can write quickly, accurately and legibly. Most of the statues decorating their cathedral are scribes revered for their dedication to their craft. Historians meanwhile function as both researchers and, to an extent, unintentional journalists, following developments in hels so they can document them as they happen. While the OR doesn't own news or run a newspaper, the handful of newspapers in town are all run by people who either used to work for the OR, or have friends on the OR historical staff.

[It's important to note the historians and clerks aren't detectives or police. They find information and write it down, they do not solve crimes or prosecute criminals. However, their thoroughness and impartiality means they're often called on as witnesses and informants to crimes. They have been attacked before for either sticking their noses in business someone didn't want remembered, or for providing information someone wanted ignored/erased. Their documents hold a lot of weight.]

This division is also in charge of the OR's extensive library. There is one main library in the cathedral, where every collected written work the library can get its hands on exists. They collect everything from journals, to poetry, to fiction writing, to recipe books. Anything written that can be remembered. They also keep transcripts of hymns and songs written by priests and knights, and up to date registries of the names on the remembrance walls. There is a second, public library that is free for hels to access, which contains every copy the scribes have gotten around to making from the main library. They encourage people to make their own copies of the library works they borrow, and can be paid to make specialty copies of popular works.

[Given how hard it is to grow large amounts of paper in hels, most books in the OR collection are written on vellum (hog skin). Almost every off-world smuggler in hels has a regular customer with the OR if they collect paper/sugar cane on their travels. OR has a current project trying to put every book they own on paper (The Nice Copy TM) and every 2nd or 3rd copy of a book on vellum. Only their best scribes are allowed to write paper copies.]

Knights: Knights are a relatively new addition to the OR staff, in that they weren't really needed when hels was small. As hels got bigger, however, and things like vandalism and crime became big and unruly, knights eventually made their way onto the scene, starting as priests with particularly good PVP skills, and eventually graduating to in-house trained fighters. You can still see their priestly roots in their practices. They too are assigned to districts. They too memorize the names on their associated walls and try to make themselves known in the neighborhoods they patrol. Instead of organizing events and focusing on the social aspects, however, they focus on making a safe place for people to live. They aren't police. Unless the crime is strictly related to memory [for example, destruction of stones on the remembrance walls] they don't track people down and drag them off to jail. They do help the community though. They will stop active crimes, they will stay with people who feel unsafe, they break up street fights, they escort their priests in rougher parts of town, they volunteer to clear out mobs that wander into the city, and have even been known to simply help with building projects for people who need a few extra hands around. Because of their generally neutral disposition towards events in hels [they protect individuals and their church, instead of business or gang interests] they are sometimes asked to be conflict mediators for battling factions in the city who are trying to reach a negotiation point. As a whole, the knights can always be found walking in groups of 2-5 on their routes. They're very rarely seen alone.

The Cathedral:

Paladins: Paladins are an enigmatic rarity for OR. Generally speaking, a paladin is a knight or priest of a given order embued with supernatural power by a deity. OR, as a godless religion, shouldn't be able to get them -- and yet sometimes they do manage to pop up. Some people think they're evidence of a Universe that actually does care about hels, sending someone who can literally fight for the rights of people to be remembered. Only a handful of paladins have ever been called, and they seem to coincidentally pop up whenever someone has done great harm to memory: massive destruction of remembrance walls, burning books, intentionally trying to erase someone from history, fraud. Generally they are compelled, like a very angry sleepwalker, to track down whoever was responsible and stop them. Sometimes this entails violence, but more often than not it involves the perpetrator being imprisoned for a very long time by what amounts to a preternaturally knowledgeable lawyer. It is probably from the OR paladins that the rumors first started that, if you angered the OR, they would have you forgotten [who else could strike someone from the memory of the world, than a guardian of memory itself?]. When they're not actively pursuing holy justice, the paladins look and act pretty normal, though their memory skills are uncanny, near perfect, and they have the habit of just Knowing Things they shouldn't be able to -- speaking and reading languages they've never learned, prophetic visions, etc. When they're being compelled to justice, they describe it as being "dreamlike". In the same way in a dream you Know you can fly despite it being untrue in reality, a compelled OR paladin Knows a destruction of memory has happened, and is unable to stop pursuing that destruction until it's been righted. In the moment, paladins describe the feeling as intensely peaceful: the ability to Know and be Sure. The only frustration is when forces actively try to hinder their task. Because of the intensity of their compulsion, they often have to fight to keep up with basic needs, and it's not uncommon for paladins to lose weight, fall into sleep deprived psychosis, and collapse from exhaustion. Paladins released from their compulsion often have to be nursed back to health again, though none yet have expressed regrets about the rough treatments of their bodies. The way they see it, whatever force compelling them has never been human, and therefore doesn't understand the toll it takes on a living body.

As with all paladins in hels, while they're recovering or in between compulsions, they tie a peace knot around their weapon to symbolize their dormancy.

Squires and apprentices: alongside their regular training with their chosen staff and/or clergy, squires and apprentice clerics/scribes/historians work as the general help staff of the cathedral. If errands need running, someone needs contacted, a mantle needs dusted, an odd job needs filled, they're the ones who catch the chores. They also have the very important responsibility of brick making -- or helping with brick making. The cathedral does employ master brick makers, but those brick makers often need extra hands, so every day the squires and apprentices set aside time to make bricks. This is a time of concentration and meditation, and the apprentices are encouraged not to talk during the process. When each batch has finished baking, the master brickmaker working with the group will call an end to the silence. When this ritual started, the ending was a lot more reverent. Over the years though, the brickmakers have taken more joy in their work than solemnity. It's not uncommon for the brickmakers to break the silence with increasingly bad jokes, rewarding the apprentices that laugh first.

The Head/High Priest: The high priest differs from the other priests and clerics by taking on mostly administrative work. They do not work alone. They have a board of 10 priests, clerks and scribes that help keep things balanced. Balance is the high priest's main objective. The OR excels because it stays as neutral as possible in all of hels's affairs. It does its best to owe nothing to anyone, repays all its debts, and doesn't work with one or two of the various hels factions exclusively. Its goal is to remain as uncorrupt as possible in a system rampant with political and financial corruption. Hels is a place full of evil halves and dark mirrors, a lot of very selfish and manipulative people end up in power, so it's a hard line to walk.

The First Church of Hels, also known as the Cathedral of Remembrance, was the first dedicated church erected in hels. It started out much smaller, a netherbrick building with a brickworks in the back for providing stones. As they grew in importance, so too did the building, until eventually the large cathedral was erected. It was a massive effort from many different hels denizens, and almost every room in the cathedral has a place to display the names of contributors to the project, from the people who laid the mosaic tiles to the folks who soldered the stained glass. The original bricks of the first iteration of the church are enshrined as a pathway that leads through the back garden of the building to their new, much more impressive brickworks. These foundational bricks remain empty, and are blanket dedicated to any helsmet who managed to slip through the cracks in society, whose names were forgotten, never known, or never noted.

The cathedral has one main sanctuary where worship and prayer are performed. They have one holy day a week where all their various members, and any congregation who wants to join, gather to sing songs and hymns, poetry and lists. There are meditations done on works written by bygone individuals, studies and philosophies discussed. While the topics of the main service change from week to week, the basic formula of singing/recital, meditation/discussion, singing/recital happens every time. They open and end every service with the list of names added to the walls that week.

During the week, the cathedral plays host to any number of meetings and events. They have many rooms dedicated as spaces for community gatherings, from small clubs for youths to workshops to food drives. People are constantly coming and going from the place.

Because of the church's center as a place of refuge, history and memory -- and by extension, power -- it has no small amount of detractors and enemies. HumanCleo doesn't allow the OR's knights on her turf, in part because of fear of retaliation: if her gangs attack any of the Order, she risks a paladin ripping down her criminal empire brick by brick. The Demon is one of OR's paper suppliers, and has been known to try to corner and intimidate scribes sent to document his shipments. Many of the historians cannot walk the city without an escort. Even their clerks have been scouted by influential merchants who want an expert in numbers looking over their books. Scribes with a particularly steady hand have been harassed and attempted coerced about forging documents and reproducing copies of cursed books. Thieves and vandals have attempted break-ins of their treasury. They have also had to deal with gang fights and general violence at their larger events. This is where their connections with other churches come in handy. Organizations like the Church of Blood and Steel, with knight and paladins who specialize in fighting, are often contacted to help when the OR needs a little more muscle. In return, the OR will loan them use of their scribes, arrange for their monuments to be built at a discount, etc.

The OR has a few loose ties to the Colosseum. All the statues of past champions that line the corridors are designed, drafted and prototyped by OR affiliated builders. Their epitaphs are drafted by their scribes. They have a team of knights whose main job is to attend Colosseum events and study and transcribe fighting styles of the various fighters, so their martial memory isn't lost when they return to the universe. They also record the Colosseum matches, and send a copy of their notes to the showrunners for the use in writing future fighting arcs.

[Also this is just me, but I think there's a writer in hels somewhere that spends all day making serialized literature out of the Colosseum matches, and submits them to the newspaper for people to read after a match. They probably also are very grateful for the OR's Colosseum notes lol].

I think! That's! Everything! I can think of! Though I'm sure I'll remember something else in an hour! Oh well!

[a-very-tired-jew]

Dropout Discord Keeps on Giving

You'd think with the server shutting down / freezing in a week or so that there would not be anything to report, but you'd be wrong.

In the past few days the current batch of users, specifically that one young Jew who believes all of us are brainwashed, have been posting some out there stuff.

I have the screen shots but at this point it can be summarized as Everyone is Brainwashed but Me still thinks their family is brainwashed and they can't be honest with them about the Truth™ without being labeled a "traitor". But they know the Truth™ that this is a Genocide and the worst thing ever and their family doesn't (remember this is someone in their early 20s). Their family gave them Noa Tishby's book to read and its full of Zionist lies and propaganda. In response another use recommended this link.

Fig. 1. User responding to Everyone is Brainwashed but Me with a video to "argue" back with.

This video features Dr. Lara Sheehi. If you don't know who that is, Dr. Sheehi has a history of antisemitic behavior and targeting of Jews in her classes. Dr. Sheehi has openly supported Hamas and her social media was the infamous Blackflaghag that posted such wonderful things as "FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR AID". Profiles on Dr. Sheehi repeat the same thing that much of her time as a professor was spent demonizing Jews and Israel and trying to recruit people to BDS and other causes.

She was a professor at GWU and the university's investigation "cleared" her. However, the Office of Civil Rights opened an investigation into her and suddenly she left GWU in January 2024 and is now a professor at the Doha Institute for Graduate Studies in Qatar. Considering that Qatar has funneled billions of dollars into the USA collegiate system, was host to leaders of Hamas for years, and their state media acts as a mouth piece for Hamas, it's not surprising that she would end up there considering the amount of work she did for the Cause™ in the USA.

I doubt anyone will point out any of this to them, nor would they accept it as anything other than "Hasbara". Later, they tell us that they finished the book and that it's full of apartheid denial and denial that Israel is a colonial state (there's a collage of pictures in between the two comments that I won't include here).

Fig. 2. Everyone is Brainwashed but Me mentions finishing the book.

The apartheid argument is one I have seen come up a multitude of times by activists, and it makes no sense to me. Apartheid, as defined, is the discriminatory authoritarian ruling of the majority by a minority population that results in segregation based on race within a country. As many have previously established, Arab Israelis have the same rights as all other non-Arab Israelis. They are part of the government, military, businesses, and so on. If the argument is to be made that there is apartheid like laws regarding Palestinians...well that makes no sense. The Palestinian territories are their own separate entity with their own separate governments, laws, and structures. Meaning, Palestinians entering Israel from Gaza or the WB are foreign nationals, they will of course be subject to different laws. In fact, every country has a set of laws for foreign nationals that differ in some capacity from the laws that govern their civilians. So we either have the Palestinian territories actually being a part of Israel in the mind of activists, which only area C could be considered this, or they're separate entities entirely. Area C gets into a whole realm of murky politicking that is outside of my realm of expertise, but it's the only place where I can see this argument hold any weight (and yes, the settlement stuff is bullshit and the military laws get into a whole weird realm of things, I'm well aware of this). However, I have yet to encounter any Western Activists acknowledging the complexity of Area C and the international laws and regulations regarding it, let alone the average activist even knowing the difference between the Areas, Israel, and Palestinian territories. Now, I have seen the lack of a right of return for Palestinians be used as an argument that Israel is an apartheid state. And again, I have to ask how? This type of law is not characteristic of apartheid as we know and define it. But again, if we get into this territory then what happens? Do they become Israelis or are they Palestinian citizens? What laws are they subject to? If they're foreign nationals living in Israel due to a right of return then they have different laws that adhere to them, which is not part of an apartheid system. If they become Israeli citizens then they have all the rights given to them as citizens. Neither of these support the claim. Simply put, they insist Israel is an apartheid state and when you mention any form of the above they call you a racist spreading propaganda and then shut down any meaningful discussion (in Dropout's case they kick you from the server for pointing out how wrong they are about things). We have a clear definition of what apartheid means and what practices are involved, but like "genocide" it seems that this definition has gone out the window and is now defined as anything people want it to be. As for the colonial state argument, who is Israel a colony of? And don't say the USA or the UK, that would mean that they send resources back to those countries, are taxed by them, their government is controlled in every capacity by them, and so much more. Considering anti-Zionists like to say the USA's government is controlled by Israel, it's quite contradictory. It appears that so much of the Western Activist's antisemitism anti-Zionism is couched within just believing everything Jews Israelis Zionists say is lies while openly believing a terrorist organization's narrative (an organization that I, once again, need remind everyone is on record saying they would manipulate Westerns into believing their narrative regardless of its veracity).

[thegodwhocums]

Will get to yours tomorrow promise but! 14, also 29, 32

no hurry on my account! take your time.

14. How different do you think your gods are from other religion's gods? What work have you done to deconstruct that?

there are overlaps in attributes of the gods I encounter/honor and gods from other pantheons, but obviously all are distinct.

the Christian god is an authoritarian and I don't honor gods like that. my Jewish partner is a pantheist so I prob can't extrapolate a ton from their descriptions of the divine in Judaism, but that is a pretty different arrangement, if occasionally similar vibe. I don't know Allah's vibe well enough to make a comparison (my closest Muslim friends are non-practicing). note that while it is pretty common to collapse them into one "abrahamic" (or worse, "judeo-christian") entity, I do see those three aspects of divinity as distinct.

I'm familiar with the Orishas, who are stricter than my gods; the Hindu gods, who are quite similar broadly though obviously connected to a living and thus far more robust tradition; and the Shinto kami who are so land-tied that I cannot imagine trying to honor them away from their original homes. they are a different kind of entity. Catholic saints are closer to how I consider heroes than gods, and vibe-wise very different. the indigenous gods of the place where I live are not entities that I have access to, so I can't compare.

the second question doesn't make much sense to me, sorry. not sure what I'm supposed to be deconstructing. my evaluations are based on experience and on observing the rituals around these different gods. others' experiences with the same deities may differ from mine.

29. Why are you a witch? What need does it serve?

I am a participant in the life force of the universe. I am not spectating. I'm an animist in conversation with the world around me, and within those relationships I can both listen and make my own suggestions. being a witch means learning the languages of other kinds of life, and being in relationship with them. for me it means gratitude, respect, and strong boundaries with spirits of all kinds. it means asking firmly for what I need and getting results when they count.

it's not exactly about serving a need. it's a true thing about me that I knew was true the same way some people know that they're trans. (for me the gender stuff came much later.) not because I have any kind of innate power that others don't, just because of how I relate to the world.

32. What's your hottest take in the witchcraft space?

ok. learning ONLY through instruction, from books and videos, without an experiential element from some sort of mentor, makes it much more difficult to train up witches who actually do anything that works. (which sucks bc that's all most people have - this isn't a dig at them.)

state transmission through text or video is possible, but it is difficult to precisely control the state. reading about a psychedelic trip or an orgasm cannot really prepare you for what it feels like to experience those things yourself - and energy work is similar. with sex and drugs the response is more automatic - in trance and energy work, you have to guide yourself to a state that isn't necessarily obvious if you've never experienced it before. and ideally I think novices would be able to have an experienced guide or mentor explain, this is how the energy should feel, and be able to supervise while the novice figures it out. but most people don't have access to a mentor or instructor, and people presenting themselves in those positions of knowledgeability are pretty often manipulative power-hungry shitbags not actually concerned with the nurturing of new practitioners. this sucks for us all and makes for a lot of people who are following the right steps without seeing results. which is totally avoidable!

when you learn to make sauerkraut, you need somebody to sniff the crock and tell you if it's still food. that's something that is super difficult to figure out without a knowledgeable guide. ideally we're not getting botulism AND when people decide to get into witchcraft they're learning in a way that actually enables them to do magic that works. so I guess my take is: mentorship is good, actually.

[appri-dot]

Behold! A free ticket to infodump with a 100% certainty of someone reading, enjoy!

-🐟

Oh! huh I should find something good to ramble about...

Okay big OC World of mine that is one of my favourites doesn't really have a name but I refer to as Alias after an in world company. The plot/story is sorta ridiculous but almost every oc part of it is a mega-fav

There's a stupid amount of character info but in general:

before Alias came to be there were three separate worlds that were connected by a cavity in the multiverse (think of it as a pothole) One world with diverse and strange monsters, one with humanoids that carried out modern lives, the other a fantasy like with dragons (sounds crazy but it makes sense later sorta) These worlds coexisted and people crossing over to others was rare, but in general the foreign nature of the others meant many were simply killed and never actually became a problem (a fire can't start if you snuff out the candle sorta rules)

A girl named Mit-Eye(Mitty) accidentally reality hopped to the monster world one evening, and instead of kill on sight, an empathetic shut in named Glorified decided to help her. Throughout their journey to get her home, they both grow as people and become close friends. At the event horizon of realities Mit-Eye convinces Glorified to leave with her (It was going to be killed for helping her) and to strive for a better life together

But the attempt of crossing over caused a beyond horrible catalyst event where the two worlds sorta clipped into one another as a mess of being, making them go off course and smash into the third one.

It was SUPER BAD. On a level where history, people and items were just merging into one homogeneous reality. All three worlds became one world of jumble, and is the birth of Alias's world.

"Dragonfolk evolved into humanoids that then had a event where mass mutations wiped out the world wide population and now monsters exist"

This event caused many different things but mainly, the new species Doodle Dudes. Gender ambiguous lizardfolk that look nothing like lizards and are just silly circle heads.

During the super big bad event (in the Alias world) there was a young boy named Pepper Thyme who watched his family blow up into meat mutant meat chunks and was traumatized since. He was adopted by his home island's "temporary" figurehead Mr. Venus who enabled his bad habits and morbid obsessive study on THE EVENT. After Venus died of a accident Pepper took power and put the island under his control as a "authoritarian lite" (has ultimate power but it is loosely enforced on the common people unaware of his influence. Like President Business) Within the instability of the world as it barely started healing he had created one of the few "Beacons" (functioning civilisations) left. Fully cementing himself as the BBEG<3

That's the general lore of Alias, multiple stories carry out through its narrative.

Aliporsha, Nures and Doctrine, and Willson and Tamual are all up on my favourite ones though. I'd say Mit-Eye and Glory but they are just the prelude really!!!

For the fruits of his labour, Pepper Thyme discovered the existence of multiverses and set out to colonize them to finally satiate his obsession hes had on the catalyst by bringing a universal order. And In order to carry out his colonization plans, Thyme is creating an army of "gods" by inhumane experiments on people for them to become indestructible reality warping machines that follow his command. Only two characters canonically have actually reach godhood (Aliporsha and Sillysocks) but hes determined and on the right track considering he has met GOD (The Corrior...hes a can of worms in itself)

I HAVE TO STOP MYSELF FROM YAPPING ANYMORE BUT THIS IS LITERALLY ALL SURFACE LEVEL MY GOD THE AMOUNT OF SUMMARISING...

[silviakundera]

alright my dudes & dudettes, it's Spirealm time!!

(jazz hands ensue)

fair warning: in these episode reactions I'm not gonna pretend I haven't read the novel. in fact, I purposely finished the novel before viewing, to get The Full Experience. thus novel spoilers, including twist end, included.

I'm spacing out posting these, so you aren't flooded.

The Spirealm Ep 1

* ngl I was legit hyped to see the hallway of doors! I am one of Those People who does not visually imagine stories in their mind, so I don't have much of a preconceived idea of what people or places in a book look like. So adaptions are a special delight for me

* ok, so he's playing a "VR game" and logs off.... OR DOES HE????? In the book, the whole narrative we think he's experiencing for the first time all happens within the 12th door - he has his memory suppressed and only thinks he just entered his first door. I am intrigued at the idea that the drama could be playing a lil bit of a slight of hand here... in which he has been a regular player of 'the official version' already and is already under the thrall. Apparently symptoms include hallucinations and death! Good times. No wonder he wants a black market copy for his very own.

* idk it's just a thought

* Mostly what I found suspicious is that he's already showing super hearing ability and he's having to shake off a mental disturbance

* Chestnut!!! Ok in the 12th door in the novel, at first Chestnut wasn't uber lovey dovey with him anymore. 1st indication of weirdness. In the drama... maybe? we see the cat backing away a bit and resisting, and he has to pull Chestnut over... LQ makes a comment, "I'll give you food, don't move" 🤔🤔🤔🤔

* Suddenly the game shows up in his mail? from Unknown Address... on... isn't it the same day? so that makes no logical sense. (intentional subtext or just cdrama time lol? ) and then for a moment it melds into the game world when he's walking outside... this is all supporting my theories!

* k it's BOYFRIEND TIME. Let's find yo man.

* He either now logs onto the official game (or THINKS that he is logging onto the official version for the 1st time, but he's been inside this whole episode)

* He walks through the door, thinks there's a glitch, and now he believes he's logged off. This time he definitely didn't. DEFINITELY.

* This door looks fantastic.

* He's hit by a car while marveling at the door. Except I don't think so, either time A or B he never logged off. Bro is SEEING FANTASTICAL DOORS IN THE STREET. That's not occurring in our reality.

* I'm really appreciating how disorientating the first episode is, by the way. When does reality end? There are like 7 options to start from.

* FINALLY BOYFRIEND \o/

* "I'm saving you and you still scold me." We may have lost Ruan Baijie 😭😭😭 but this is a nice meet-cute.

* The explanation from Mysterious Future Boyfriend: To put it simply, you're in the game. Here, if you don't finish the game, you can't leave. If you end the game here, you leave... then it really is the end." [universal sliced neck gesture]

(and ok, still banging on that drum, but this vibes with my pet theory - that he never left in the first place...)

* LQ crossed into the game -- and what that means is said to be complicated.

When LQ says as a programmer he can follow an explanation, Ruan Nanzhu just mocks that he hears but doesn't understand.

* Already we are getting a certain vibe, with LQ being backed up into a tree by looming hot stranger. Bro visibly looks down twice (at hottie's lips? at how close their bodies are becoming? the looming increases intensity)

Very strong 20 minute opener imo.

((Post-script: if we want to consider an alternative to the alternate theory of WTF is Reality in this Drama? What if is there a normal game he test plays in the first 12 minutes & separately also The Doors actually exist the same as they do in novel, and he enters on the verge of death and the drama is never actually about a game at all, & he never leaves the 12th door. He just never escapes, baby. 💥😵💥))

(that one is pretty out there tbh. just added for spice. and that very pretty door looking out of place & wholly different than the game decor.)

Next Episode

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Oop I seem to have started Conversations- xD

I wanted to add on a comment on declaring BitA my favourite, and it's the admission that I don't read Apocalypse AUs?

Like. Ever?

Or, well, I do *now*, since it does count, but I picked up BitA because of the lil bit that the Apocalypse was just the setting, it's a found fam speed run, and I have no regrets ^w^

(It also has probably my favorite Childe but that's because I'm a chili kinda guy and also very weak for 100% human non-powered competence Childe in AUs and BitA is just. Perfection on that front. Its a close call though- you generally write really good Childe)

actually you are so valid for that, for as much as i love apocalypse stories sometimes i'm like "how gritty / dark / edgy is the author going to make it...?" and simply turn away if it's too much. i feel like i do kinda prefer apocalypse as a setting and not the whole plot, hence babysitting being a found family speedrun instead hahaha

on the chili/zhongchi note, you reminded me of like- something very interesting i've noticed as i continue to stack up wips for those two,, i did mention earlier that sometimes in aus you have to choose whether to completely adhere to canon characterization and somehow find a way to explain it / integrate that within the au (which is sometimes easy), or choose to go for circumstancial character fidelity and stray slightly into ooc territory so the au makes sense (in cases where aus are far removed from canonverse and so, logically, if the characters didn't live through the exact same circumstances, then they wouldn't behave exactly the same).

so while writing those idiots i've come to notice that, in more canonverse-aligned stories or straight up just canonverse, i lean more towards zhongchi; whereas in non-canonverse aligned stories or, in this case, only babysitting since it's essentially a modern universe au (fully, since both are from the same time period, cyanide doesn't count on that front) i tend to lean more towards tartali/chili. even then i generally consider that like- the differences are subtle enough? where you could read it as both? that might just be me, it might just be the fact that i'd argue there's no actual top/bottom dynamic going on since there's no sexy times in any of my fics. but the point is- i think the one who changes the most is zhongli, because if you take off 6000+ years of experience and a whole ass war from his shoulders, no matter how inventive you make his backstory in a fantasyless modern au, you'll struggle to reach the necesary baggage in order to justify making him behave exactly like canonverse zhongli. and when you get a more humnan-like zhongli, and childe can stay mostly the same (he's so much easier to adapt to modern aus), and you keep them at a relatively similar age (you can kinda justify making zhongli more canon aligned if you give him several years over childe, but i'm not that much of a fan of writing the kind of age gap i feel you'd need for that? still, always an option), then you somehow end up tipping the dynamic out of zhongchi terrritory and into tartali/chili, which i find very funny and kinda interesting to think about. like if you put them on a relatively even playing field of life experience, childe definitely ends up being the more forward one of the two, hence it reads more like chili than zhongchi. of course this all mostly has to do with the way i personally write them, but still. afraid you'll only get more noticeably chili-aligned stories from me again if i end up writing another story with a fully human zhongli hahah

[bashirs]

when juxtaposed with a human character like sisko especially, julian is almost culturally defined by his lack of culture. we can quite safely assume he's english based on the casting for him and his dad, holosuite stuff, and scattered details (plus i believe it's confirmed in supplemental canon) but unless i'm forgetting something, he doesn't outright tell us in any capacity. he definitely doesn't have an established hometown or anything. sure he's attached to earth more generally in a lot of ways, he's well-versed in classic literature and geography and he likes centuries-old history if only on a superficial level, but he still can't trace his own family tree back three generations. i would blame the writers not knowing what the fuck to do w him for half of julian's characterization (and lack thereof) so of course i'm cheering for anyone who wants to fill in the gaps by projecting onto him, but you really do have to make things up yourself because there's next to nothing actually there.

it's worth confronting the real-life side of ds9 leaving julian as a very generic "probably second or third-ish generation immigrant from somewhere in the swana region but maaaaybe south asia, who knows" type guy. and i do think it's questionable for the majority white writing team to have not even tried to give the character any sort of ethnic background. but when julian is a dishwashed version of british on top of that, he's most often an everyman who happens to have an RP accent and not be white, for better or worse. in more than one interview, alexander siddig has reflected on the fact he wasn't really thinking much abt his own cultural/racial identity in the '90s (and how he was then suddenly forced to post-9/11) and i think that was mirrored in julian. but even since then, siddig has politely declined to give his two cents on julian's ethnicity at least once, so at this point the genericness is arguably a semi-intentional facet of the character.

considering this again within the four walls of the story, julian is interested in all sorts of things including what other planets have going on culturally, so you can't chalk his cluelessness up to fundamental lack of curiosity. i can't imagine the nature of his relationship with his parents would've made him especially eager to connect with any heritage he may have otherwise had, but i think it's still more than that. so finally, i want to briefly consider garak as his foil: garak has to advertise his cardassian-ness because he's in exile, he's fundamentally failed at being cardassian and he's trying aggressively to cover it up because if he's not cardassian, then what the fuck is he? julian, on the other hand, may not want to draw too much attention to his own humanity because he's also fundamentally failed at being human in some sense but he hasn't been figured out yet.

luckily for him, star trek's earth is hyper-globalized and he probably wouldn't be an outlier for his absence of strong geocultural identity. and with the combination of the aforementioned factors, you could argue (from a purely in-universe standpoint) that it's even more than him just not caring – julian is obscuring this shit on purpose.

[todayisafridaynight]

A Little Late and the way you already picked up on it despite not really hardcore seeking out ninkyo (yakuza-genre) media says enough, but I wanted to second that it is absolutely true queer appeal is inextricable from ninkyo as a whole. That's why RGG is the way it is!

If Nakano and Motomiya--both incredibly prolific ninkyo actors, with Motomiya producing+writing for+leading the biggest series out there right now, Nihon Touitsu/Unification of Japan--can sit down to talk, describe ninkyo as a genre about men falling in love with men, the "ultimate BL," and carry on without missing a beat, I think that speaks for itself. And like, they're not wrong at all--even if it was a little tongue-in-cheek and even if the subtext is rarely intentional, many if not most ninkyo stories are fundamentally about love.

Why that matters is because ninkyo specifically portrays the idealized version of the yakuza--"ninkyo" translates to "chivalry." There's very little that could be considered ideal about being a yakuza nowadays; that much is explored in non-ninkyo yakuza media. Of course there are the universal ninkyo themes of being able to make something of yourself from nothing, of defending the defenseless, of fighting back against injustice from the wrong side of the law when the "right side" isn't serving you, but at the core of many of these stories, there's one thing in particular that makes it worth it to be a yakuza.

Ninkyo depicts a world of extremes--often unthinkable to an ordinary person--which the characters are willing to bear so long as they can keep the only people who truly recognize them in their lives, and so long as they can have it reciprocated. To trust others and to be trusted in return, as Mine says. For them to go to those lengths for a fundamental human desire resonates with queer people in a world that asks for so much resilience from them just for existing. I think this is also why the stated reason Mine fell in love with Daigo was simply because he saw him as a man.

It's not always as clear-cut what kind of love it is as with Mine, but I don't think it's done cynically like you see in actual queerbait. I'd say it comes from an earnest place, raw and without self-consciousness. I think the blurred lines and openness to interpretation are also a big part of the appeal. Not just in the obvious sense of being presented with these intense bonds that are open to interpretation, but I can imagine there's also comfort to be found in the depiction of love that's hard to define in exact terms and in recognizing it doesn't always need to be defined in and of itself.

To some degree, within the history of ninkyo, I think RGG and Nihon Touitsu genuinely revolutionized how openly these topics are discussed. Ninkyo has always primarily been a genre of film, and even with Nihon Touitsu being a direct-to-video series, if you're queer or a woman or both, it's common to feel like you don't belong in the ninkyo space. Going to theaters or renting tapes or DVDs without feeling judged--or apprehensive about the content's depiction of queerness and/or women--has often been trickier than it had to be.

It's specifically the accessibility and culture around video games and online streaming, as well as the relative privacy and ability to curate your circles, that has allowed for these series to reach fans like that--so much so there's even a term for women who got into ninkyo via interpreting it through a queer lens, ninkyo joshi. Nihon Touitsu is actually what popularized that phenomenon in recent years.

There's also something to be said about RGG and Nihon Touitsu as media and the people behind them being more welcoming towards queer and/or female fans than a lot of ninkyo is in general. You won't ever catch me saying RGG doesn't have a history of queerphobia and misogyny, but at the same time, I think demonstrating they could handle characters like that respectfully went a long way, in addition to RGGS having a pretty good track record as a workplace. Similar deal with Nihon Touitsu and Motomiya doing his best to gear the series more towards a general audience and his commentary on multiple occasions agreeing his and Yamaguchi's characters' relationship reads as a BL. Even if that's as far as it goes, it does mean something to be acknowledged.

Anyways uhhh do you think Mine was an OG ninkyo danshi... like A Ninkyo Joshi But A Guy... I feel like if you're living in Japan, especially in an area with a lot of actual yakuza activity like Minato as Mine does, you'd only really come away with the romanticized ideals about the bonds between men Mine has from ninkyo... personally I just think it'd be super funny if he was an OG ninkyo joshi who transitioned into a ninkyo danshi, like when gay trans guys have a "fujoshi phase"... the call was coming from inside the house etc etc...

thank you for the history lesson on the yakuza genre, its relationship with queerness and people being able to acknowledge those undertones, and jp society's relationship with the genre. its great that big names in the genre are making it more socially accessible to everyone and not making it feel limited to a certain group of people :)

bout mine being a fan of the genre before. Being A Part Of The Genre so to speak tho, i think its a fair assumption to say he was a fan. if he wasn't beforehand, then seein them blokes sacrifice themselves for daigo def made him one lmao