#it feels like everything has just gradually gotten worse and worse since march

[ferberus-skull]

man. i was all ready to reopen my adopt shops, thinking that i could do this. wrote out the posts and everything. but then got up to do something and now i'm just sitting here staring like. can i really do this?

[feanorianethicsdepartment]

Alright, I read your recent post and need to know - what is your interpretation of Maglor’s relationship with the twins?

askjdhslkjag my biggest self-inflicted problem in this fandom is that my take on maglor, elrond, and elros' relationship is so intensely detailed and specific i am forever tormented by none of the fic i read ever quite getting it right (from my perspective; i’ve read plenty of fic that presents a good interpretation on their own terms, it’s just never mine.) it’s simultaneously way darker than the fluffy kidnap dads stuff and nowhere near as black-and-white awful as the anti-fëanorian crowd likes to paint it, it’s messy and complicated and surrounded by darkness, and yet there’s also a sincere connection within it which mostly serves to make all those complications worse. angry teenage elrond is angry for a great many reasons, and the circumstances around him being raised by kinslayers account for at least half of them. there’s lots of complexity here, and i don’t see it in fic nearly as often as i’d like

(warning: the post... feathers? i already have an internet friend called faeiri this could be awkward - anyway, the post she’s talking about includes the line ‘everyone is wrong about kidnap dads except me.’ this post follows on from that in being as much a commentary about why various popular interpretations of both how the kidnapdoption went and the way people subsequently characterise the twins just don’t work for me as it is a setting out of my own ideas. i’m not really interested in getting into discourse here, i’m just trying to get my thoughts down. i’ve read fic with these interpretations before that i’ve liked, even, don’t take this as a Condemnation, aight? also this turned out long as hell, so i’m putting it under a cut)

i can never buy entirely fluffy depictions of kidnap dads

which isn’t to say i don’t read them! sometimes all i want is something sweet, for these kids to get to be happy for once. it’s not like i think their time with the fëanorians was completely devoid of laughter

it’s just. the pet names, the special days out, the home-cooked meals, it can get so treacly it stops feeling like the characters they are in the situation they’re in and turns into Generic Found Family #272

it soaks out all the complexity - which is the thing i am here for - and acts like oh, these kids were never in any danger, they were perfectly happy being abducted by the people who murdered everyone they knew, there’s nothing possibly questionable about this relationship at all

and... yeah. that’s not the characters i know. that’s not the context i know they belong to

i just can’t forget the circumstances that led them to meet

rivers of blood, the air filled with screams, a town ablaze, a woman choosing to die. every interaction the three of them have is going to proceed from that nightmare

(sidenote: i tend to hold it was maglor that raised the twins, with maedhros looming ominously in the background not really getting involved. it’s mostly personal preference, i’ve been in and out of the fandom since before this kidnap dads thing blew up and when i joined that was a perfectly standard reading)

(also the cave thing was a dumb idea, old man, if only because it implies beleriand had streams safe enough for children to play in at that point. the way it separates the twins from the third kinslaying is also something i don’t particularly vibe with)

probably my least favourite angle i’ve seen on the situation (edged out only by ‘maglor was actively abusive towards the twins’ which no no no no no no no no NO) is the idea that maglor (and/or maedhros, append as necessary) took the twins specifically to raise them

like, i get where it’s coming from, but it makes maglor come off as really creepy

(i have read fics where it is indeed played off as really creepy, but that’s not a maglor i have any interest in reading about)

(’mags 100% bad’ is just as facile a take to me as ‘mags 100% good’)

even if you’re saying maglor took them in because they had no one left to take care of them - i highly doubt they were the only children the fëanorians orphaned at sirion. idk, it always makes maglor seem much less sympathetic than i think it’s meant to

i prefer to think of it as more... organic? something that evolved, not something that was preordained. them growing closer gradually, the twins finding an adult who might maybe be on their side, maglor becoming invested in them almost by accident

and then the twins are so comfortable with the second scariest monster in amon ereb they frequently sass him off and maglor’s gotten so used to not hurting them he’s not even thinking about it any more. no one’s quite sure how it happened, but they’ve made a Connection

‘wait aren’t they a murderous warlord of questionable mental stability and a pair of terrified small children who’ve lost everyone they ever knew? isn’t that kinda fucked up?’ yup! that’s the point! complexity!

another idea i don’t like is the idea that maglor was an objectively better parent to the twins than eärendil or elwing

other people have talked about this already, i won’t rehash the whole thing. i will say that while i don’t think elwing was a perfect parent - someone so young, in such a horrible situation, i wouldn’t blame her for screwing up - i do think she (and eärendil) did the best by them they possibly could

this is one of the few things they have in common with maglor

something i come across now and again is the idea that sure, elwing and eärendil weren’t abusive or horrible or anything, but they were a couple of basically-teenagers with so many other responsibilities, there was only so much they could do. maglor, on the other hand, is an experienced adult who could take much better care of the twins

and...

first off, it’s not like mags doesn’t have a job. he’s a warlord, he has a fortress to help run, military shit to handle, lots of other stuff that needs to get done to stop everyone from starving or getting eaten by orcs. i feel like sirion had enough of a government there was plenty of opportunity for elwing to take days off and play with her kids, but in the fëanorian camp nobody really has the time to chase after a couple of toddlers, least of all one of the last points on the command network. they just don’t have the people any more

(seriously, the twins getting a formal education with tutors and classes and shit is a weirdly specific pet peeve of mine. this is a band of renegades, not a royal household; if there’s anyone left with those kinds of skills they almost certainly have more important things to do)

more than that, though - well, a quick glance through my late stage fëanorians tag should tell you a lot about what i think maglor’s mental state is like at this point. he is so accustomed to violence death means nothing to him, he’s lost most of his capacity for genuinely positive emotion to an endless century of defeat and despair, he hates everything in the universe, especially himself, he’s only able to keep functioning through a truly astounding amount of denial, and he covers it all up with a layer of snark and feigned apathy, which he defends aggressively because he’s subconsciously realised that if it breaks he’ll have absolutely nothing left

(maedhros, for the record, is... i’d say more stable, but at a lower point. maglor may interact with the world mostly through cold stares and mocking laughter, but at least his mind is firmly rooted in the present)

(on the other hand, at least maedhros lets himself be aware of what they are and where their road will lead)

which... this doesn’t mean maglor doesn’t try to be kind to the twins, or rein in his worst impulses around them

there’s just so little of him left but the weapon

he stalks through the halls like a portent of death and gets into hours-long screaming matches with maedhros and has definitely killed people in front of the twins

not even as, like, a deliberate attempt to scare them, but because when you solve most of your problems by stabbing them it’s pretty much a given that people who spend a lot of time around you are going to see you do it at least once

and sometimes, he curls up in an empty hallway, and weeps

... suffice it to say i don’t think elwing’s the more preoccupied, or the less mentally ill, parent here

just. in general, the fëanorians aren’t cackling boogeymen, but they’re not particularly nice either

no one has the energy left for that. not these isolated and weary soldiers at the end of a long losing war and the beginning of the end of the world. they don’t really bother to guard the kids against them escaping. where else are they going to go?

the sheer despair that must have been in the fëanorian camp after sirion, the knowledge that the cause cannot be fulfilled, that they are utterly forsaken, that they’re really just waiting to die -

it can’t have been a happy place to grow up in, under the shadow of loss and grief and deeds unrepentable, and the slow march of inevitable defeat

they would have had a better childhood if they stayed in sirion, raised by people who knew how to hope

but that isn’t the childhood they had. and despite everything i’ve said, i don’t think that childhood was an entirely awful one

yeah, see, this is where the other side of my self-inflicted fandom catch-22 comes in. just as much of the pro-kidnap dads stuff comes off as overly saccharine and simplified to me, i find much of the anti-kidnap dads stuff equally simplistic in the opposite direction

the idea that maglor and the fëanorians never meant anything to elros and elrond, that they had no effect on the people they became at all, that it was just a horrible thing that happened when they were children, easily thrown in the rear-view mirror...

that’s even more impossible to me than the idea that life with the fëanorians was 100% fluffy and nice

like, i’ve seen the take that elros and elrond hated the fëanorians from start to finish. they were perfect little sindarin princes, loyal to their people and the memory of doriath, spurning every scrap of kindness offered to them and knowing just what to say to twist the knife into the kinslayers’ wounds

... dude. they were six. hell, given their peredhelness, mentally they could easily have been younger

what six year old has a firm grasp of their ethnic identity? what six year old is fully aware of their place in history? what six year old would understand the politics that led to their situation?

don’t get me wrong, i can see hatred in there. but something else that doesn’t get acknowledged alongside it often enough is the fear

some of the stuff i’ve read feels like it gives the kids too much power in the situation. they’re perfectly happy to talk back to and belittle the people who burned down their hometown and killed everyone they ever knew, like miniature adults who don’t feel threatened at all

and, like, six. i can see them going for insults as a defensive measure, but it is defensive. it’s covering up fear, not coming from secure disdain

(and a lot of those insults sound, again, like things an adult who’s already familiar with the fëanorians would say, not a scared child who’s lost almost everything. why would a six year old raised by sindar and gondolindrim know what the noldolantë is, let alone what it means to maglor?)

(... i’m just ranting about this one fic that’s been ruffling my feathers for five years straight now, aren’t i)

i mean, i write elrond as the world’s angriest teenager, who snipes at maglor pretty much constantly, but the thing about angry teenage elrond is that he’s angry teenage elrond

he’s spent long enough with the fëanorians he has a pretty secure position within the camp, and he knows that maglor won’t hurt him from a decade and change of maglor not, in fact, hurting him

but as a small and terrified child abducted by the monsters his mother had nightmares about? he fluctuated wildly between ‘randomly guessing at things to say that wouldn’t get him killed’ ‘screaming at maglor to go away in words rarely more complicated than that’ 'desperately trying not to do or say anything in the hopes of not being noticed’ and ‘hiding’

(and i don’t think the twins were never in any danger from the fëanorians, either. quite besides the point that before they started orbiting maglor nobody was really sure what to do with them... well, they wouldn’t be the first children of thingol’s line the minions took revenge on)

(fortunately for them, maglor did, in fact, take them under his wing. by this point even their own followers are shit scared of the last two sons of fëanor, nobody’s going to mess with their stuff and risk getting mauled. tactically, it was a pretty good decision for a couple of toddlers)

more to the point, i feel like a child that young, in a situation that horrible, wouldn’t reject any kindness they were offered, any soothing touch in a universe of terror

in a world full of big scary monsters, the best way to survive is to get the biggest scariest monster possible to protect you. that’s how elros rationalises it when they’re, like, eight, mentally, but at the time they were just latching on to the only person around them who seemed to care about them

that’s how it started, on their end. two very young very scared children lost in a neverending nightmare clinging tightly to the lone outstretched pair of hands

as for maglor...

i’ve called mags evil before, but i see that as more of a... technical term? he is evil because he did the murder, he remains evil because he won’t stop doing the murder. hot take: murder bad

but that doesn’t make him, like, a moustache-twirling saturday morning cartoon villain. he is deeply unhappy with the position he’s in and the person he’s become, and he’s always trying not to take that final step over the edge

it’s not that i can’t see a maglor who is abusive or manipulative or who sees the twins more as objects than people. it’s just that that characterisation is one i am profoundly uninterested in. i do occasionally read fic with it, but it never enters my own headcanons

horrible people can do good things!! kinslayers can do good things!! the fallen are capable of humanity!! people can do both good and evil things at the same time, because people are complicated!! maglor is not psychologically incapable of actually taking pity on these kids!!!!

it’s... again, complexity. the fëanorians straddle the line between black and white, which is a lot less sharp in the legendarium than it’s sometimes characterised as. it’s what draws me to their characters so much, why i have so many stupid headcanons about them. pretending they fall firmly on either side of the line is my real fandom pet peeve

and, like, this moment? this sincere connection between a bloodstained warlord and two children who will grow up to be great and kind in equal measure? i may not entirely like the direction the fandom’s taken it recently, but that beat, that relationship, it still gets me

so no, i don’t think elrond and elros’ years with the fëanorians were an endless cavalcade of abuse and misery. i think there was love there, despite the darkness all around them

an old, tired monster, and the two tiny children it protects

maglor never hurts the twins, not ever, not once. his claws are sharp and his fangs are keen, if he so much as swatted them he’d rip them in half. instead he folds down the razor edges of his being, interacting with them ever so carefully. he has nightmares of suddenly tearing into their skin

seriously, the power differential between them is so great, maglor so much as raising his voice would break any trust they have in this horribly dangerous creature. fics where he does corporal punishment always get the side-eye from me

the mood of their relationship is... i find it hard to put into words. melancholy, maybe, like a sunny afternoon a few days before the end of the world. three people who’ve lost so much finding what respite they can in each other as the world slowly crumbles around them

there are times when it feels like the three of them exist in a world of their own, marked out by the edges of the firelight. maglor telling stories of the stars, elros giving relaxed irreverent commentary, elrond getting a few moments to just be, all their troubles kept at bay

they are the last two lights in a world sunk into darkness, the last two living beings he does not on some level hate. he will tear his own heart out before he sees them in pain

he teaches them to ride, he teaches them to read, he gives them everything he still has left. the twins should never have been in this situation, maglor probably isn’t entirely fit to take care of them, but it is what it is, and they take what love they can

(maglor depends on the twins emotionally a bit more than any adult should rely on any child. he’s still very much the caretaker in their relationship, but that relationship is the only one he has left that’s not stained by a century of rage and grief. he’s obsessed with them, maedhros tells him frequently. maglor’s standard response to this is to try to gouge maedhros’ eyes out)

(that particular darker side to their relationship, where maglor’s attachment to the twins turns into a desperate possessiveness - that’s not something i think i’ve ever seen in fic. which is a shame, it feels much closer to my own characterisation than the standard ways this relationship gets maleficised. darker, in a different way than usual. horribly compelling in its plausibility)

however you want to read it, i don’t think you can deny this is a relationship that defines elrond and elros’ childhood. they were raised in the woods by a pack of kinslayers, the text is quite clear on this

but i’ve seen a lot of talk about how elros and elrond are only sirion’s children. they are completely 100% sindarin, they love and forgive eärendil and elwing thoroughly and without question, they identify with doriath over - even gondolin, let alone tirion. the fëanorians - the people who raised them - had zero effect on the people they grew into and the selves they created

and that, more than anything else, i find utterly unbelievable

look, i get what this is a reaction to. a lot of the kidnap dads stuff paints the fëanorians as elrond and elros’ ‘real’ family, and i’ve already talked about what i think of the idea that maglor-and-possibly-also-maedhros were better parents than eärendil and elwing. i think it’s reductive and overly optimistic and just a little too neat

but to say instead that elrond and elros held no great love in their hearts for maglor, no lingering affinity with the fëanorians, no influence on their identity from the people they grew up around, none at all? that after it happened they just left it behind and resumed being the same people they were in sirion?

that strikes me as just as much an oversimplification. it sands down all the potential rough edges of their identity, all that inconvenient complexity that stops them from fitting into any well-defined box, and replaces it with a nice safe simple self-conception i find just as flat and boring as declaring them 100% fëanorian

we can quibble over who they call ‘father’ (i personally find that whole debate kinda petty) but denying that it was actually maglor who was the closest thing they knew to a parent for most of their childhoods, and that that would, in fact, affect the way they thought of themselves and their family, elides so many interesting possibilities out of existence

(i’m not even going to get into the most braindead take i have ever heard on the subject, namely that because their time with the fëanorians was such a small fraction of elrond’s total lifespan it was like being kidnapped for two weeks as a toddler and had no greater significance than that. do you not understand what childhood is????)

like, i tend to think of elrond as a child as being very loudly not-a-fëanorian. elros is more willing to go with the flow - hey, if the creepy kinslayer wants kids, elros is happy to play into that in order to not be murdered - but elrond is very firm that he’s not happy to be here and he doesn’t belong with them

(this is after they get over their initial terror, of course, when they’ve realised they won’t be fed to the orcs for the tiniest slight. even so, elrond only really gets shirty about it around people he’s comfortable with, whose reactions he can reasonably guess at. naturally, the first person he does it to is maglor)

elros calls maglor their father exactly once, when they’re... maybe early preteens? this is because elrond hears him do it and immediately loses his shit. they have a dad, elrond says, in tears, and a mum, and any day now their real parents are going to come to pick them up and take them home

... right?

it gets harder to believe as the years roll on, as their memories of sirion fade, as they find their own places within the host, as maglor watches over them as they grow. elrond still mentally sets himself apart from the fëanorians, but it’s more of an effort every year. life in the fëanorian camp is the only one he’s ever really known. he can barely remember his mother’s voice

then the war of wrath starts, and the fëanorian host drifts closer to the army of valinor, and the twins come into contact with non-fëanorians for the first time in forever, and it becomes clear just how obviously fëanorian elrond is. he always insisted he wasn’t like the kinslayers at all, but he dresses like them, talks like them, fights like them

the myth cycles the edain tell are almost completely unfamiliar to him, he barely remembers the shape of the songs of lost doriath. even these sarcastic commentary and subversive reinterpretations he made of maglor’s stories - those were still maglor’s stories! he’s been trying to guess at the person he was meant to be, but it’s growing nightmarishly blatant how little elrond ever knew about him

instead, the people he was born to are as alien to him as the orcs of morgoth. he is a fëanorian, through and through

... yeah, elrond (and/or elros) having an absolutely massive identity crisis upon being reintroduced to his quote-unquote ‘true kin’ is another angle i’d love to see in fic that i don’t think i’ve ever come across. all those potential grey areas around who they are and who they’re supposed to be sound utterly fascinating, and i think it’s the complexity i hate to see elided over the most

i really, really doubt they could effortlessly slot back into being eärendil and elwing’s children. not when they’ve been surrounded by, lived alongside, been raised by the people who were supposed to enemies for most of their lives

they just don’t fit into that box any more. they can’t

speaking of eärendil and elwing, while i do agree that they both (especially elwing) get a lot more flak than they deserve, i don’t agree that therefore elrond and elros were never the slightest bit mad at them and fully forgave them for everything with no reservations

because, well, they were left behind. elwing had no other choice, but they were still left behind; it led to the world being saved, but they were still left behind. all the best intentions in the universe don’t erase the weeks and months and years of waiting, of a hope that grew thinner and frailer until it finally quietly broke

that’s a real hurt, and a real grievance. even if the twins rationally understand that their parents were making the best out of their terrible situation, you can’t logic away emotions like that. it’s perfectly possible for them to know they have no reason to resent eärendil or elwing, and yet still harbour that bitterness and pain

(i did write a thing once where elrond loudly rejects eärendil as his father in favour of maglor, but something i didn’t add in that i probably should have is that elrond later regretted doing that)

(not like, several centuries later, when he’d grown old and wise. two hours later, when he’d calmed down. but he was still legitimately angry at eärendil, because the one thing angry teenage elrond was not lacking in was reasons to be mad at the adults around him, and before he could figure out if he had anything less furious to say the hosts of the valar left middle-earth behind)

(it’s another element to the tragedy of the whole thing. in that particular story, which is mostly aiming for maximum pain, the only thing elrond’s birth parents know about their son for thousands of years is that he hates them)

(and he doesn’t, not really. you can’t hate someone you’ve never known)

not that i think they couldn’t ever make up with their parents! fics where elrond and his birth parents work past all the things that lie between them and form a functional familial bond despite it all give me life. i just don’t like the idea that there’s nothing difficult for them to work past

i don’t like the idea that elrond and elros would naturally, effortlessly identify with the mother they last saw when they were six and the people they only vaguely remember. i can see them doing it as a political move, i can see them going for it as a deliberate personal choice, but i can’t seeing it being immediate and automatic and easy

no matter how great a pair of heroes eärendil and elwing are, that doesn’t change the fact that to elrond and elros, they’re at most a few scattered memories and a collection of far-off stories. and so long as the twins stay in middle-earth, they’re never going to draw any closer

compared to the dynamic, multifaceted, personal, and deep bonds they have with the fëanorians - who, and i know i keep saying this but i think it gets tossed aside way more casually than it should, are the people who actually raised them, their birth parents must feel like a distant idea

and that’s why i can never buy interpretations of elrond as 100% sindarin, a pure son of doriath, with no messy grey areas or awkward jagged edges to his identity. given everything we know about his life, it seems almost cartoonishly simplistic

honestly it seems like a narrative a bunch of old doriathrin nobles trying to manouevre elrond into being high king of the sindar or something would propagate. it's neat and nice and tidy, something that’d be much more convenient for everyone if elrond did feel that way

but i just don’t see how he can. this narrative is easy and simple in a way real people never are, it ignores all the forces pulling him apart. elrond being uncomplicatedly sindarin with the life he lives and the people he's close to - that doesn’t make any sense to me

which isn’t to say i think he’s 100% noldorin, from either a gondolindrim or a fëanorian perspective. (i find it a little more believable, given, again, who he grew up around and who he hangs out with, but it’s still a bit too reductive for my tastes.) it’s also not to say i couldn’t believe an elrond who made an active choice to emphasise his sindarin heritage

it’s not how i think of him, but it works. i don’t have a problem with other people interpreting the complexities of the twins’ identities differently

i just have a problem with people acting like it doesn’t exist

in general i think there’s a lot untapped potential that gets left behind when you declare the twins, separately or together, as All One Thing

they’re descended from half the noble houses of beleriand, and they have deep personal ties to most of the rest. they belong to all of the free peoples even the dwarves, somehow, probably and i feel like that was kind of the old man’s point? so many peoples meet in them, to say they wholly belong to any one species is probably an oversimplification

they sit at a crossroads of potential identities, and rather than narrowing down their worldviews to one single path, they take the hard road and choose all of them. that’s what you need to do, if you want to change the world

and, to bring this back to my ostensible topic, in my estimation at least this mélange of possible selves does include them as fëanorians! it’s not overpowering, but it’s certainly there, and the adults they grow into long after they’ve left the host still bear influence from their childhood

nothing super obvious, nothing that wouldn’t stand out if you didn’t know what to look for, but there’s something almost incandescent in how fiercely elros reaches out for his dreams

there’s something almost defiant in elrond’s drive to be as kind as summer

as for who they publically claim as their family... honestly, it depends. while it’s usually more tactically prudent for elros to connect himself to his various human ancestors, on occasion he does find a use for his free in with the elf mafia, and elrond, code switcher par excellence, is famously the son of whoever is most politically convenient at the moment, which is rarely, but not never, maglor

(in the privacy of their own minds, well, eärendil and elwing may have been the parents elros was supposed to have, but maglor was the parent he actually had, and elros doesn’t particularly care to mope over what might have been. elrond, for his part, figures that after all the shit maglor has put him through, the least that bastard owes him is a father)

but honestly? i think before any of their mountain of identities, before thinking of themselves as sindarin or gondolindel or hadorian or haladin or fëanorian or anything, elrond and elros identify as themselves

they are peredhil, they are númenóreans, they are whoever they make themselves to be. that’s how elrond finally resolved his identity, figured out who he was and found something past the pain and the rage

he wasn’t doriathrin, or gondolindrin, or falathrin, or fëanorian, or whatever else. he was elrond, no more and no less

and that person, elrond, could be whatever he chose to be

... elros came to a similar conclusion, with much less sturm und drang that he’s willing to admit. being able to go ‘hey, i can’t possibly be biased towards any one of your cultures, because i’m descended from all of you and i was raised by murderelves’ makes it a lot easier to unite people around your personal banner, turns out

the stories other people tried to force on them shattered into pieces, and the peredhel twins were free to shape themselves into anything they could dream of

and as the new world struggles alive, these lost children of an Age of death begin to bloom into their full glorious selves -

i just. i love the poetry of that. despite every single shadow that hangs over their past, despite all the clashing notes pulling them apart, they harmonise it all into a greater, kinder theme, determined to make their world a better place in whatever way they can

they fail, of course, but so do all things. the inevitable march of entropy doesn’t diminish the long millennia they (and their descendants) held onto the light

and their growing up in the fëanorian host definitely had a huge effect on the noble lords they became. you can see it in elros’ loud ambition to create a land of happiness and hope, elrond’s quiet resolve to heal all the hurts inflicted by this marred reality

it wasn’t a perfect time by any means, but neither was it a nightmare. it was what it was, a desperate existence at the edge of a knife where, nevertheless, they were loved

even after years upon decades upon centuries have passed, it’s hard for the wise king and the honourable sage to separate out and identify all the conflicting emotions swirling around their childhood. they never knew eärendil or elwing, true, but they also never really knew maglor

not as equals, not as adults, not as people who could truly understand him. he disappeared into the fog of history, leaving only childhood memories of razor-sharp, gentle hands

it’s messy and it’s complicated and getting any real closure would be like shoving their way through a thornbush with bare hands even if elrond could find the shithead, and yet at the core of it all, there is light. not the brightest of lights, maybe, but an enduring one

that contrast, above all, that note of warmth amidst the shadows, is what fascinates me so much about their relationship. three screwed up people in a screwed up world, finding a little peace with each other

and the fact that somehow, it does have a good ending - the children grow up magnificent and compassionate and just, they become exemplars of all their peoples, lodestars of the new world born out of the ashes of the old - that makes it seem to me like this relationship must have contained some fragment of happiness

but, fuck, all the darkness that surrounds that love, all the tangled-up emotions its existence necessitates, all the prefabricated self-identities it can never slot into - nothing about it is simple, nothing about it is easy, and i find that utterly enthralling. especially how, despite everything, that flickering light never goes out

well, i don’t think it does, anyway. my take on this relationship is both complicated enough no one else ever quite gets it right and well-defined enough every single ‘error’ in other people’s interpretations sticks out like a kinslayer in rivendell

it is an entirely self-inflicted problem, i will admit. other people are allowed to interpret those complexities differently from me, and it’s entirely my own fault i lack the :waves hands around nebulously: to write my own hypothetical fic on the subject at a pace faster than glacial

still, though. i do wish there was more fic out there that engaged with these complexities. a lot of the common fandom interpretations of this relationship just sweep it all away

[v8pontiacgirl]

04July2021

I’m still in shock that issues are likely caused by horrible allergies that are likely caused by mold in my house. Due to memory issues, I decided to make a timeline of the last six years, when this started.

September 2015–moved into the house. I was working full time, going to school full time and experiencing allergy issues, such as a sore throat, headaches, and very dry eyes (to the point that I was no longer able to wear my contacts). I actually kept getting allergic conjunctivitis, so I switched to my glasses full time. I’d been able to wear contacts for about 15 years without issues prior to this.

February 2016–injured my knee and found out I had a discoid lateral meniscus with a tear that was hanging up in my knee joint. It took months to get any kind of relief for my knee because the tear didn’t initially show up on the MRI, and because discoid meniscus issues usually show up earlier in life if they are going to be a problem, I wasn’t taken seriously. During this time, I was having issues working because of pain and inability to walk. Also started having more issues with being harassed at work by coworkers. I began to work less and less until I finally quit in September. I had already finished out school in June. I would have had to transfer to a community college two hours away to continue my degree in the fall, and since my knee was being problematic, I decided to hold off.

October 2016–Had my knee surgery. About a week or two afterwards, I got my first vertigo spell (although I didn’t realize it was vertigo at the time). This would become the first of many instances that I would deal with “flares” that would make functioning very difficult for me.

October 2016-March 2017–Some days were better than others. I went to the doctor and blood work and many tests were done. My thyroid levels fluctuated a little, but ultimately seemed ok eventually. Everything else looked normal, except my white blood cell count was always elevated. I was told I was perfectly healthy. The dizziness? It was POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), a chronic illness that I had been diagnosed with in 2005 that honestly had never given me too many issues in the past, as long as I stayed hydrated and ate salty foods. I was given some common POTS meds to help me retain water, but, as medications typically do not agree with me, I had too many side effects and was unable to take them.

April 2017-August 2017–I’d been feeling better for about a month (since March), and I was anxious to be back in school. Culinary school had caught my eye a few months prior, so I signed up for the spring cohort. I was in the evening cohort, and I was realizing that my allergies were being aggravated by *something*, so my mornings from 7am to noon were spent cleaning, and from noon to about 8pm, were spent at school. I was able to complete two terms of culinary school. There was to be about a little over a month break from the middle of August to the end of September before fall term began. I went to California in August after finishing Summer term for a few days to visit friends. After returning, I started to feel like I was going into another “flare”. Gradually, my health got worse and worse.

September 2017-February 2018–by the end of September, when it was time to go back to culinary school, I was bedridden. The vertigo was so bad that I was unable to do anything except remain horizontal. For about six months again, my health was unbearable and I was unable to function.

March-April 2018–I finally began to feel a little better in March and April (also around the time when I started to get outside to do more garden things), and decided that I would try to go back to culinary school for summer term (the cohorts had changed because of a new director, and so there were classes I could take toward my degree). It’s really interesting that my heath was generally better the more I was able to get out of the house.

June 2018-August 2018—I was doing a lot of outdoor garden things in the afternoons and going to school for several hours every morning. I was even hired to help cater a wedding in August. My health seemed mostly under control, with only minor symptoms.

September 2018-December 2018—The end of September, I began my fourth term of culinary school. I also joined the culinary team, so pretty much all of my time was spent at school, even most of December, when the other students went home for break, I stayed at school trying to perfect my dish for competition. I was fatigued, but my health was mostly stable.

January 2019–After a *very* brief break, I was back in school for one whole day of winter term. I was definitely feeling fatigued because I hadn’t really gotten a break (and probably, in hindsight, because my allergies had really worn me down, too), and I was told by the coach that he was kicking me off the team because he was concerned my health problems would hold the team back, and he wanted to win. My health had not been an issue that he had seen at all, but he just thought it was too much of a risk to keep me. If I wouldn’t have disclosed that I had health problems when I tried out for team, I don’t think this would have happened. Anyway, I was pretty angry, especially after all the time I’d put in. Since the coach was also the director of the school, and there had also been an issue with the instructor quitting and a new instructor having to take over at the end of the last term, I decided that this culinary school really wasn’t worth my time or money any longer, so I quit. Immediately after, I bought the rest of the books that I would have needed for school and began to teach myself techniques with sugar and chocolate. I decided I was going to start focusing more seriously on Spoon Life Bakery, my cottage bakery business that I had started in July 2017.

February 2019-March 2020—I was the most busy I’d been in a while. Garden projects, baking projects, and painting projects took up all my time. From August 2019 to the beginning of March 2020, I was more busy than I wanted to be with my short lived restaurant project. The restaurant actually opened in October, but there was a lot of prep work prior. All of this kept me out of the house for most of the day. I was exhausted, but not symptomatic. Basically, during this time period, I was either outside, or at another location for the majority of the time. During the rainy months (December 2019-March 2020), the basement of the house flooded. It had always been musty and damp down there, but it had never flooded like that.

March-May 2020—I closed the restaurant in March, and began to be at home a lot more often. I started going hard with Spoon Life Bakery again, baking out of my home kitchen. I got back into Jiu Jitsu. I was doing ok, but by May, I started to feel like something wasn’t right again.

May-December 2020—My health “flared” a little during this time. It wasn’t as bad overall as it had been, but some days were better than others. Some days the vertigo made me bedridden. It was unpredictable. In May, I had to quit Jiu Jitsu again because I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t have the stamina to keep doing it.

January-May 2021–I’d had enough descent days that I decided to try to try to go back to Jiu Jitsu, or rather, a self defense class based on Jiu Jitsu. This class ran twice a week through March, and I was able to keep up and not miss a class. The basement flooded again, so we moved the dehumidifier into the storage room where the majority of the water was coming in. After self defense was over, I started regular jiu jitsu again in April, but felt much more exhausted than usual. My vertigo was getting worse to the point that it was always present. I took a break from Jiu Jitsu again in May.

May-June 2021—My throat was so sore, that I thought I had tonsillitis. My left ear was plugged. I felt like I was getting sick with some sort of virus, except it went on for weeks without getting better. I saw an ENT in mid June. He thought maybe I had Meniere’s, but didn’t officially diagnose me, since I needed to get a hearing test, which is scheduled for this month, and at the time of writing this has not happened yet. Other than that, he didn’t see anything else that alerted him. Soon after, I began to get very sick with horrible vertigo. I was bedridden again.

July 2021–Until the 2nd, I was in an absolutely horrible flare that had lasted without relief for about two weeks. I was convinced that this was just my life now, and in desperation, I called the doctor. She told me to come in that same day. Normally, I don’t leave the house when I’m feeling my worst. I had to keep laying down at the doctor’s because my vertigo was so bad. The doctor performed her usual tests, and looked in my nose. She informed me that it was very inflamed and swollen and she wasn’t sure how I was able to breathe out of it. I admitted that every morning, my nose is stuffed up pretty badly. She prescribed the Montelukast, that I’m unable to take because of side effects, and told me that she really thinks that allergies are causing my vertigo because the ear nose and throat are all connected. At first, I was discouraged with this diagnosis, because I felt like she was brushing off my symptoms. *Just* allergies?! I couldn’t believe allergies could cause such severe symptoms.

We made a few more stops after visiting the doctor, and when I’d been out of the house for about an hour and a half, I miraculously started feeling a little better. What?? Was the doctor right? I knew my house was probably triggering my allergies, but I didn’t think it was *that* bad.

Getting out of the house for two hours brought me out of one of my worst flairs. I’m now about 99.9% that mold in my house, specifically the basement, is making me sick. I’m going to keep testing this to be sure, but I’m now filled with some hope that I may be able to lead a much less depressing life. Time will tell.

[becomewings]

Archived Network Event

2020 Secret Bunny Exchange

hai lovely! Im sparkle and I’m going to be your secret bunny. I hope you’re having a good day or night. 🥰 -sparkle ✨💫

Hello Sparkle dear! Thank you for being my secret bunny. I hope you are having a good day/night too and enjoying this wonderful comeback.

I’m enjoying it too! It’s such a good comeback, and I honestly love it. This is like my second comeback with them. -sparkle 💫✨

This is my first comeback, eek! I was not at all prepared for how much I would be waiting on the edge of my seat, but it's been really exciting!

Yes! It's such a good comeback honestly. When did you first get into BTS? What drew you to them? I'm sorry I'm asking for many questions. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨

It's okay, ask away! ^^ I stumbled across BTS by accident...which may indicate just how much I live under a cultural rock. I actually don't usually listen to much pop music. I'm a classically trained composer and video game soundtracks and moody indie/rock are more my jam, but last year I heard the YouTube ad that uses part of DNA and it intrigued me. I didn't know which song it was so I ended up listening through quite a bit before finding it...and fell absolutely in love along the way! So I have a soft spot in my heart for DNA. How about you, Sparkle? What got you into BTS?

So first, I hope you're having a too day/night! It's been a very long and busy one for me. I'm so glad to be off. Alsooo, I've been into Kpop for around 10 years now, so I've always enjoyed and I have a soft spot for 2nd gen kpop groups. When BTS started to get popular I didn't like them at first. But I saw Dope after the FBE channel reacted to them and I'm like okay they seem interesting around 2018. Lol. And I went down the hole, and have been stuck since. Lol. They're amazing. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you Sparkle, hope you enjoy your evening off! Mine was busy too (we’re prepping for a move, eep) but at least it was productive. Wow, you’ve been into Kpop for a long time! Dope is really catchy (and I love that honky sax haha), I’m not surprised it got you interested and then hooked. :) Do you have a favorite era? Mine is probablyyy Wings, but I love most of Love Yourself too, and HYYH is so wonderfully nostalgic even if I wasn’t a fan then... and I’m a big fan of this new era too

Moving sucks! I'm going to be moving in the next year or so, and I"m not read for it. And yes! I've been into it for so long. But HYYH is one of my favorites as well. I think mine may be LY because that was the era that I started stanning them. I forget which one, but it's the one with idol as their title song. Wings is super amazing, and one of those that I'll always listen to. MOTS is just GOD TIER. Lol. I love it. -sparkle 💫✨

Haha MoTS being god tier is accurate xD Sounds like your move is a little ways off, but I wish you the best of luck when it happens! Ours is on a fairly tight deadline so I really have to hustle this weekend with house preparations (we still need to sell ours). I hope you have a lovely weekend, dear Sparkle! 💫

It is a little ways off, but moving just sucks in general. The packing and unpacking and then trying to get everything ready. Especially in your case. But I hope everything works out for you. And I hope you have a beautiful weekend too. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you, Sparkle! We made a lot of progress today so I feel a bit better (and extremely tired). When the time comes, I hope you have the opportunity to prepare ahead for your move so it doesn't stress you too much. :) Have a nice start to your week! ✨

Heyyy! It's me sparkle! It's been alright so far, let's how it stays that way. And I'm glad you've made more progress on your move! Hopefully your Monday was good. -sparkle 💫✨

Thank you, Sparkle! There's so much going on in the world right now, close to home and far away... I am trying to stay calm and positive, with varying degrees of success. Please take care of yourself! (And that goes to everyone... I know it is difficult because we all have our own obligations to school, work, family, etc., but please try to prioritize your health and stay safe 💜)

Yes! I hope you’re staying safe. I don’t know what area of the world you live in and I know the virus is hitting others harder than most. We have 8 reported cases here. And it’s a scary to me. I hope you are staying safe. I just said that twice. Lol. Happy Thursday! -sparkle ✨💫

Thank you, you too! I live in the US (California, to be somewhat specific) and so far there have been two confirmed cases in my county. I'm grateful the university I work at is (finally) taking precautionary measures by banning large gatherings and moving classes temporarily online, and that I can continue working unless there is a full campus closure... Trying not to be too anxious about things that are simply out of my control and hoping that things gradually work out and improve. I'm also grateful for the community here, even if I don't know anyone personally, it is nice to come online and see people being reassuring and encouraging to each other from all across the globe.

Music and BTS are a good distraction when needed... Now that their promotional period is done, do you have a favorite moment?

I'll repeat you too, please stay safe dear, you and everyone who happens to read this 💜

I truly wish that my job would take some measures, and they have yet. I work with the general public a lot as a secretary. So it's like seriously having me on edge. I know the schools year have temporally closed down and moving things to online since it was spring break here. As well as the public schools closing for a month. Honestly, I'm not sure if I have a favorite moment honestly. Lol. They were all good moments, but I did quite enjoy watching all the ON performances. What about you?

I truly hope your employer catches on soon and makes accommodations so that you can practice some social distancing and have a safe work environment. We were just informed today that we have to work from home two days next week, on rotation, to keep our department staffed but also reduce the number of people on the floor -- for next week only so far, but I won’t be surprised if it continues past that. I can’t fulfill all of my responsibilities from home, so I’m grateful that they are allowing us to complete online trainings and such in the meantime. I am also so glad it’s Friday. What a week it’s been.

Ahh, I love ON! As a former member of drumline and marching band, I have such a fondness for the drum corps elements they incorporated into the music and background choreography. I was excited for the Official MV version too, so beautiful and thought-provoking! I also looove Black Swan (JIMIN’S DANCING EEK). I haven’t been as excited about something in a long time as when I stayed up late to catch their first performance on James Corden. So while I’ve enjoyed all of the comeback (especially as it’s my first!), that was particularly memorable for me. The surprise MV drop was also lovely 🦢🖤

Sorry, I am really rambly tonight. Please take care and have a good weekend! Hope you can get lots of rest! 💗

It’s been a long couple days! Sorry I haven’t gotten back with you! I’ve been stressed about everything going on, and I do hope that they catch on soon too. I was very excited for this comeback and the art in their videos has been beautiful. Black Swan and Jimin dance break? Quality content honestly. Yes! The surprise MV was great. I prefer this version of Black Swan over the other, but both are good. I hope you had a good weekend! -sparkle 💫✨

Hi again Sparkle, thank you for checking in on me! Please don't apologize for messaging delays, there's no need! We all signed up for this event long before any of this started, so I'm grateful you can spare a little time to chat with me. 💜 I'm working from home for at least the next 3 weeks because my uni is now fully closed... But I'm very grateful I have that opportunity. (As much as sometimes I would just like to go to sleep and wake up when this is all over, hah!)

Please continue to take care of yourself! Hope you find some comfort in music or other personal hobbies!

How are you doing? Last week was so stressful for me. So I am quite happy to be working from home this week. I hope you are staying healthy and happy through all of this! How was your week last week? I hope your weekend was alright? I had a pretty decent one me and a couple close friends had game night, and that was the highlight of my weekend. -sparkle 💫✨

I missed hearing from you, Sparkle! (But totally understand, the world is upside down right now.) I’m sorry you had a stressful week and I hope this one is better for you as you transition to working from home. My days have just fluctuated between quiet/boring and a little stressful (mostly re: house stuff, but that’s out of my control at this point), but I suppose I’m glad it hasn’t been worse than that.

Ooh what are your favorite games?? I’ve been trying to keep up creative side work between writing and blog content, but… I might purchase Animal Crossing soon hehe. Do you have any other hobbies to help distract you from stress/everything that’s going on? Take care dear! 💗

I know! I let time get away from me honestly! I hadn't been meaning too. I miss talking to you! I love all kind of games. I'm not particularly picky, but i do like that Game of LIfe. I've had just about ever version they've made. We played this one called Blockbuster in reference to movies and it was fun because if you know a lot of movies it's somewhat easy but you have to act out some of hte titles. Lol. Animal crossing seems like fun, everyone talks about it. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

I’ve never played it before. I’ve been thinking of getting an Nintendo Switch, but I don’t know how often I would play it. I know that game comes on there. But I heard it’s also an app? I’m not entirely sure. Lol. Also, I’m planning on making you a gif set for the secret bunny exchange! I know you said you love Jimin (my bias wrecker and sweet baby), Kookie, and Tae. And you were right, it’s hard to pick just ONE. Is there any particular one you want to see in a gif set? -sparkle 💫✨ 2/2

Receiving messages from you makes me happy! ^^ I know life is strange right now though so completely understand if you don’t have time. I’ll be patiently waiting!

So you like tabletop games? Sounds fun! I gravitate toward video games more personally, but haven’t had too much time lately to play. There are definitely fun ones to try if you ever get a Switch! There’s Breath of the Wild of course, which I admit I am still holding off on finishing because I don’t want it to be over LOL, some Mario & friends party games if that’s your jam, as well as some really beautiful indie games (Gris for example!). ANYWAY I won’t ramble about that anymore haha. I’m not sure what the app is, if you were referring to Animal Crossing–might be a companion to the game? I saw a tweet referring to using an app for quicker messaging in AC lol, but I haven’t played the game myself yet. 

Aw thank you so much for asking about the gift (and for making it in the future)!! Oh dear you want ME to pick one? If I’m honest, I think Jimin and Tae light up my heart the absolute most (any vmin content gives me life but totally understand if that’s not your thing) but… please don’t ask me to… choose between them HAHA. How about you go with whoever would give you the most joy to gif right now?? I will truly be happy to receive any gift from you, regardless of who is featured. :’)) thank you dear!! 

(Edit: btw who is your bias??)

I love tabletop games, and I play a lot of video games too. So don't get me wrong, I am huge into video games, but I don't play them as often. my boyfriend uses his PS4 all the time. I'm still trying to get through SpiderMan, but that's also because I don't wanna end it. I'm almost finished though. And yes! It's so hard to choose just one honestly, so I get your dilemma. And I can do vmin content! I don't gif them much and I want too. I can't wait to work on something for you! -sparkle 💫✨

Yay!! Sounds like we might have that in common. I have a huge appreciation for video games (and video game soundtracks is one of my favorite ‘genres’ of music, recognizing that they’re incredibly diverse of course), but I spend more time watching videos of other people playing them than playing them myself haha. We have a PS4 too. SpiderMan looked fun but I never tried it! I loved watching my partner play FFXV and Death Stranding. Trying to remember what I’ve actually finished on PS4, it’s been awhile lol... Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture and Rime were beautiful. I started Last Guardian but didn’t get very far before life got too busy. :( Hope I can pick it up again some day! Do you have a favorite PS4 game?

Aww you’re too kind. I’m so excited to see what you create!! And to chat with you off-anon. :) Who is your favorite member to gif?

Yes, I also like watching other people play video games, but it's rare when I do. I always end up getting distract sometimes. I've played SpiderMan, Horizon Zero Dawn, which are my favorites as well as Tomb Raider. I do really like FFXV, but i haven't played it in so long though. I can't wait to talk to you off anon either. I be having to really make sure I press the anon button. adlfkjsl I"m bad at forgetting. And Yoongi is my favorite to gif. -sparkle 💫✨

Oo I forgot I watched some of Horizon Zero Dawn too! Very impressive game. It looks like a lot of fun and I might try to play it myself in the future.. but like you said, it’s easy to get distracted. Life just likes to get in the way huh. Have you seen/heard of Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice? Intennnnse. I’m an absolute coward when it comes to horror games (or movies) and somehow my partner tricked me into playing one of the scariest parts because he got too scared HAH. That being said, as much as I love really emotionally intense games, I love soft gentle ones too… especially chill co-ops! (I’m thinking of the one we played most recently, Pode… that was on Switch though.)

Yayy Yoongi! I really do love all of BTS, and while the maknae line ran off with my heart, I have a big soft spot for Yoongi. I was never really drawn to rap/hip-hop except maybe Linkin Park like in middle school am I dating myself until I met Yoongi and just… wow.  ._. He’s so expressive in his delivery, his lyrics are heart-breakingly raw and honest, and he has extraordinary range between his gentlest material and the lines that come at you with a knife. Also I’m so proud of him for continuing to work as a producer and refine those skills on top of his life as an idol. What are your favorite things about Yoongi? If you can even choose haha 💗

Lol I know what you mean, I was really paranoid the first 2 weeks about sending anon messages to my other partners on mobile because the interface was different and I was really suspicious of the term ‘public’ vs ‘private.’ And every time I send the ask for about 5 seconds I question whether or not I clicked anon.

P.S. I should keep my mouth shut but … I have an itty bitty guess of who you may be. I won’t say any more than that and I guess I’ll find out in 2 weeks whether I’m right or wrong haha. xD take care sparkle dear!!

That game was really fun honestly. I still haven't finished. And sameeee! I am not into the horror games. The movies I can do, but the games I'm just too scared to really play them. I tried Resident Evil, and I was like this is a BIG FAT NO. Lol. And I haven't heard of that game though, but it sounds intense by the name of it. I also like soft gentle ones, or the ones were it's not a lot of challenging aspects to it. I really like Spyro. The original and the remake. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

Linkin Park is one of my favorite groups. I love them, and miss Chester so much. Also it sounds like we're maybe around the same age because that's when I got into them maybe? And I am so proud of him for everything that he's done. Yoongi originally wasn't my bias at first. I think maybe it was going to be Taehyung, but watching their variety shows made me fall in love with him. Outside of his hard exterior, he's so sweet and loving of the boys. It's so hard to just pick one! -sparkle 💫✨2/2

Okay, so one more. Lol. Because the ask limit is so short! I get paranoid all the time, and i have to like double check to make sure I Press it. alkdjfls NOW i'm curious as to who you think I am! But I do how you have a wonderful weekend. -sparkle 💫✨

Dying over your Resident Evil reaction because... SAME lol. However. I have enjoyed watching some playthroughs of 7 and the remake of 2, which is the closest I will ever come to watching a horror movie again. xD I have really fond memories of playing Spyro at my cousin’s house as a kid, but haven’t tried the remake yet! It looks like fun too. There are too many good games to choose from, not nearly enough time to play lol.

I only really listened to a couple of Linkin Park’s old albums, but I miss Chester too. \: We could be around the same age yeah! I’ll tell you when we’re messaging off-anon. :) 

If I may tell a story, my discovery of BTS went like this: heard a music clip in a YouTube ad of all places (normally skip them lol but I got it a couple times at work and thought hmm this is catchy). Then had to dive into some compilation videos to figure out which heckin song it was (turned out to be DNA). But along the way I found more songs I liked. And then I fell HARD for the Mic Drop MV (again, a little strange for me, because it’s pretty hip-hoppy). Jungkook makes this super intense expression at one moment that made me go oh. hello. So then I slowly learned who the different members were, and since this was me mostly streaming YT in the background at work haha, I had to keep switching tabs to check who was singing. I loved Jungkook’s singing but then also realized that I loved Jimin’s sweet voice too (yes I admit when I was first getting to know them, I could not always tell them apart). And THEN mister baritone Tae with his unique falsetto and delicious low range (I really wish they featured his chest voice more but OH WELL I digress) snagged my attention and ANYWAY long story short that’s how I fell in love with BTS and also the entire maknae line I guess. :’)

Hehehe I’ll tell you after the event ends if I’m right or wrong, don’t worry. It might be almost over, but I hope you had a lovely weekend too! ♥♥♥

Yes, somehow my sister convinced me to get it like she was going to play the game too, and she did not. I ended up exchanging the game because I'm like this is a waste of money. haha. I usually always skipped them too, so I totally understand. Everyone I knew liked but I had stopped listening to kpop for a while after the members of Big Bang went into enlistment (sad sad times). I first heard Dope. The FBE Youtube channel reacted to them, and I'm like OKAY GUYS. 1/3 -sparkle 💫✨

When Jungkook hits that high note I was like COME THROUGH VOCALS. So then naturally I had to go and look a few more videos. This was during around the time they had appeared on the AMAs the first time. And then I listened to I Need U and Save Me (this is one of my favorites). And I was hooked. I went and watched their Ellen interviews, and they're so sweet. I ended up binge watching their variety show and Bon Voyage and I was hooked then. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/3

Run BTS was when I realized that Yoongi was my bias. Because I'll admit that I did not like him at first, but I said that already. And then I just realized how sweet and funny he actually his. And I think he's just shy at times. At least in the beginning, but he's so handsome and his stage presence is like a 360 from him being off stage. If that makes sense. I could go on for house about Yoongi. Lol. -sparkle 💫✨3/3

The high notes in Dope are pretty ridiculous because they’re at the start of the phrase so they get little to no preparation lol. Their vocal abilities are truly impressive... and then they do it all while dancing :’) 

I agree that Yoongi’s stage presence is strikingly different from his real self! Or the self we get to see in their behind-the-scenes content lol. Possibly like a lot of people, I thought he was super intimidating and tough until I saw more of him offstage... and then went awww he’s a big softie who just doesn’t pull his punches when he’s rapping and producing.

Do you have any favorite Run BTS episodes? So far I’ve only watched a handful of the recent ones, but all the random gifs and clips of older content warms my heart or makes me laugh. I’d like to eventually watch them all from the beginning... some day lol. (see all previous mentions of being too busy to do anything fun outside of work haha)

They are ridiculous. I love when they hit high notes in songs. All the boys have such a beautiful range, and I love hearing them. Especially when they do their solo songs. Jimin's solos are normally my favorite because his voice is the type I tend to lean towards a lot His stage presence is so different! Just like Jhope's. It's always so different, but it's them all in a nutshell, if that makes sense. Lol. I was in Chorus for a while, and I liked it begin in a group. -sparkle 💫✨1/2

It's easier being in a group, but I could never do it by myself. And favorite Run episode? Hmmm, there are so many that I love. I prefer some of the older episodes to some of the new ones. I'll have to find them again, but there was one where they were doing like this haunted house type of thing and it had me dying of laughter. They're all so funny though. I'm still trying to catch up with some of the new ones they've been doing. -sparkle 💫✨2/2

The vocal line is so wonderful, but I’ve been increasingly impressed with the rap line’s singing too. I have always liked the beginning of Spring Day and I confess it took me an embarrassingly long time to wonder which one of them was singing, and I was surprised to learn that it’s Namjoon. Also his low line in Louder Than Bombs is wonderful... I don’t even care if it’s probably autotuned a little lolol. And I only recently found out about the song Sea, but Tae’s chest-range melody at the very end.. UGHGHGGH it’s too. good. (DEAR BIGHIT COMPOSERS, MORE BARI PLS.)

I had to sing in choir in grad school and ended up enjoying it way more than I thought I would. (I’m a composer/pianist and I needed ensemble credit.) I’ve always been really self conscious about my voice, and now... I would love to take vocal lessons some day. While I know that no two people will play an instrument exactly the same, it’s kind of magical that you don’t know what the true sound or full potential of your own singing voice will be until you train it. Do you play any instruments? :)

The vocal line is amazing. I love all of their voices for different reasons, and sometimes I'm in the mood for one, and then another time I'm in the mood for another. If that makes sense. I haven't listened to Sea that much, but it is such a beautiful song! And you're right. His chest tone HELLO VOCALS. Lol. I'd love to take vocal lessons one day, but not sure if I ever would. And I don't play any instruments, but I would love to learn guitar one day. Lol. It's a dream of mine. -sparkle 💫✨

Hii Sparkle. I’m sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, but it really makes me happy when I receive your messages! Yess Tae’s chest voice deserves all the shouty caps all the time hehe. I hope you have the opportunity to learn the guitar someday if that’s what your dream is! Everyone starts somewhere... I would love to learn the cello too :)) one day haha. 

Do you have a favorite “underrated” bts song? Just curious! Take care dear, looking forward to finding out who you are soon~

Yay! I'm glad you like hearing from me! I really like talking to you. I don't talk to many people on here sometimes, but then other times I do. So this is nice just to be able to talk with a fellow army. One day I will learn it, I just have to learn how to read music first. Lol. Because I definitely don't know how to. Hmm honestly there are a few that I feel are underrated, that i Iove. Spring Day, Hold Me Tight, and Autumn Leaves. These songs are queens! What about you? -sparkle 💫✨

Music is a lifelong learning process but it’s worth it. :’) I believe in you!! 

SPRING DAY!! 🌸🌸🌸 One of my all-time favorites. I honestly might not have a very good awareness of what is underrated and what isn’t, especially among older songs, but... I love Spring Day, The Truth Untold, Jamais Vu, and most recently Sea... lol hm I’m sensing a trend of bittersweet/melancholy songs. But also House of Cards (it’s just so delightfully WEIRD and dark and different??). On the other end of the spectrum (although not sure if it’s underrated?), Silver Spoon/Baepsae. What a jam. Love to tune out the world with that one at work on one of my walk breaks if I had a frustrating day. And maybe it’s too early to tell from MOTS 7, but I get the impression that I might love Louder Than Bombs way more than the average army. And that’s okay :)

I don’t talk to or know very many people on here yet too, probably because my blog is still relatively new. So I’m very glad to be getting to know you

I loved Spring Day as soon as I heard it. I still listen to it a lot when I'm in the mood for it. It's such a beautiful song. The Truth Untold IS A QUEEN. I love that one too. Jamais Vu, I think I have to be in the mood to listen to it sometimes, but it's growing on me. House of Cards, that one I heard last year sometime and I like that one too. I don't listen to it as much. And Silver Spoon is my go too song honestly on my way to work. Louder Than Bombs is really good. -sparkle 💫✨ 1/2

I listen to that one a lot myself. I think We Are Bulletproof 2.0 maybe one, but I'm not sure either. I absolutely adore that song so much. It's such a beautiful mad song honestly. And also you're right this update is kind of weird, but I don't mind the font so much. -sparkle 💫✨2/2

Yasss I’m glad you like Truth Untold too. It’s too beautiful. I practically cried when I heard for the first time a live performance video (somewhere in Japan) where he sang a higher note in the climax than in the studio recording auuughgghgh my heart. 

We Are Bulletproof pt. 2 took awhile to grow on me but I was happy when it did. I can be a little odd about the order in which I listen to songs, and usually need to listen in album order, but for some reason I really like that one after No More Dream. Also, though it’s hardly underrated, I now know what all the fuss is about Cypher pt. 3. I’ve been gradually purchasing their older albums (kinda out of order) and finally got to Dark & Wild about a month ago haha. I’m listening to all these mad songs now. Been in a weird sad mood for a lot of today tbh and... mad bts is helping a little haha. So is chatting with you!

I’m probably overreacting about the dashboard, but something about that bubbly serif font is irritating haha. And I don’t see this mythical option to revert to the old dashboard that people are talking about in their settings. Boo. I’ll get over it... eventually haha.

The Truth Untold is one of my favorites, and I normally don't like ballads a lot. It takes me a while to get into them, but this one just caught my eye. I'm learning Korean, and it's one of the ones that I can sing along too while reading the lyrics! I am super proud of that accomplishment. When I was going through their albums after I got into them, I skipped the older ones at first. I wasn't sure if I really liked them. -sparkle 💫 1/2

I listen to a select few of them on their darker albums, but a lot of it isn’t really what I like hearing. Although, I think I may revisit the albums again. It’s been a while since I actually listened to them. haha if you go to settings > dashboard you’ll see it there. Just let it load for a second, adn then it pops up. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/2

(Ugh I typed an answer and then tried to drop in a screenshot and everything disappeared. Got it, tumblr. No dropping images. REDO.)

Oo that’s awesome that you’re learning Korean! Are you self-studying? How long have you been studying? I’ve been studying Japanese for several years (very slowly lol). Then a few months ago, thanks to BTS, I was suddenly really interested in learning Korean too. I worked on memorizing hangul for a week and then had a “lol what am I doing” moment when I realized I didn’t know nearly enough Japanese yet to realistically tackle two challenging languages at the same time. So Korean is on hold for now, but I really wish I could just… magically be fluent haha. It would be amazing to understand their lyrics or interviews/conversations on the spot without relying on translations. And English is stupidly difficult, so as much as I appreciate how much effort they’ve put into learning too… as an international fan, I wish I could return that effort too and learn their language so that they don’t feel like they need to learn English. 

Love Yourself: Answer was my first album and I purchased that one specifically because it was a compilation and contained most of the individual songs I already knew I liked from YouTube haha. Then I expanded from there. To be honest, if I had found BTS when they were just getting started, or anytime before HYYH, I probably wouldn’t have connected with their music, sound-wise or thematically. But… they were exactly what I needed when I did finally find them. And now I have immense appreciation for their beginnings and how far they’ve come, even loving some older songs/styles that I never expected to. As I mentioned, I don’t usually listen to pop or rap/hip-hop… like ever haha. But something about them just reached into my heart and I’ll be forever grateful to them.

I tried what you suggested (waiting on the page) and… the text kinda jumped at one point as though something else had loaded, but nothing else displayed. Am I derping around on the wrong page? \:

edit: I see it in the source code, idk why the toggle isn’t displaying for me 🙃

Yes! I am self learning. I have been doing it on and off for like two years, but the last part of last year I've been doing it most often. However with everything that's going on, it's kind of slowed down and I've just been focusing on what's going on in the world right now. I feel the same. I think if I would have found them before, I don't think I would have liked them as much as I do now. I do have an appreciation for their older music even if I don't listen it to it much. 1/3 -sparkle 💫✨

Their first two albums I didn't like as much, but everything from then on I'm pretty sure I am obsessed with when I found them out. Lol. I do remember you say that previously that you don't listen to a lot of that style of music. What do you normally like to listen to? I listen to a lot of everything, so I'm not sure if I have a genre that i really stick too. Although, I think in the beginning i listened to a lot of hiphop/rap and alternative stuff. -sparkle 💫✨ 2/3

Then the older i got the more I got into pop music because I found kpop when I was about 17, and it's been stuck to me ever since. Lol. So I don't know I like a lot of music that makes me feel good and I can dance too or sing along with. I think maybe it depends on my mood. Lol . -sparkle 💫✨3/3

I think that’s awesome that you’re working on learning the language on your own! And I understand the challenges of keeping it up independently, especially in such strange and challenging times... I feel guilty that I stopped my daily kanji studying pretty much as soon as I started working from home. It was initially because I used my commute time to study (I’m in a vanpool) and... definitely lost some motivation once everything started changing. I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself though for taking a break, and I hope you are not either. I’m hoping to get back into soon and reform some study time habits :)

Yeah it sounds like you’ve been listening to Kpop for a long time! ^^ Aside from my fairly recent BTS obsession, I gravitate toward moodier music in general haha. Evanescence was my instant favorite way back in middle school and... tbh I still listen to their albums sometimes! I tended to like anything indie-ish with piano or rock + orchestra. I loved this European band Within Temptation, their music is like a blend of rock and symphonic orchestra. Nowadays, I love video game music and that’s probably what I listen to the most... Nobuo Uematsu (Final Fantasyyy), who is probably one of my biggest inspirations for pursuing composition, Austin Wintory (Journey, Abzu, etc), and more recently Jessica Curry (everything the Chinese Room studio made lol). The past few days I’ve been streaming the songs from Death Stranding. I admit I don’t tend to have a lot of variety... I’m kind of picky and when I find something I love, I will listen to that obsessively over and over for months on end. Like BTS. xD No regrets haha! But I know I should broaden my horizons too...

I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, but I know I'll get back into it soon as I set a schedule for myself. Evanescence is amazing, that's all I got to say. I love them so much, so I totally get it. That's interesting though. I love learning about others music interest. It's always so different and diverse from mine. And also, I realized I didn't answer your question about the dash, and for some reason I don't know why it's not showing up. You were in the right place though. -sparkle 💫✨

Yayy glad you like Evanescence! Yes it is amazing and also wonderful that we all have unique tastes. I know I should make a better effort to try out new things, because finding something new that I connect with is amazing (see: BTS hehe).

I'm so excited to meet you next week!! Please take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend 💗

Sometimes it’s harder to really step out the box. So I totally understand, but I’ve always kind of had “weird” taste in different music so I like listening to whatever it is I like! And yes! I can’t to show you what I’m working on. I’m still searching for things for it! Lol. So I hope you like it. Also I hope you have an amazing week! And also a good day! -sparkle ✨💫

I woke up way earlier than planned thanks to this new isolation insomnia, but I was so happy to see your message. 💜 I’m so excited to meet you, but don’t feel like you have to rush on the gift! I know whatever you make will be wonderful. I hope you have a great week too. Do you have any ~weird~ music suggestions? I’ll give them a try!

I totally understand how that is. I hate waking up earlier than I want too because then you don't want to get up out of bed, but then you're too awake to go back to sleep. At least that's how i feel. Hmmm, weird music suggestions? I'm not entire sure. I like Florence and the Machine, FK Twigs (this might be an acquired taste), Panic at the Disco. There's so much I listen too, and my mind is going blank. Lol. -sparkle ✨💫

Yeah, that was my feeling exactly. :( At least I put in a couple extra hours of work, so I’ll get to take a shorter Friday. Or whichever day we try to brave a grocery run.

Thank you, I will check them out! Hehe due to your comment, I am intrigued by FK Twigs. For some reason I couldn’t really get into Panic at the Disco in high school, even though I had friends who loved them, but... I do appreciate that someone made an Emote! at the Location bot on twitter. xD

I hope you are having a good week so far! Tbh mine has been a little gloomy, but... I am really looking forward to meeting you! And finding out if my guess is right haha :’)) Take care dear!

And I loved Panic! They were so good, I still love them or Brendon Urie. Lol. FK Twigs is really good, but I know she's not for everyone. I really enjoy her music honestly. And honestly, I'm just about finished with your gif set. I have to find a few more videos and I'll post it probably tomorrow or later tonight depending on when I finish. And hmm, I don't know I don't think it is, but it shouldn't be long though. however, I'm really curious to know who you think I am. -sparkle ✨💫

EEek I’m so excited!! (Please don’t stay up late just for me though!)

As much as I am terrible at branching out, I do enjoy finding new music I like, so thank you again for the suggestions! I will try to listen with open ears and mind haha. Have you heard of Fleurie? I stumbled across her music when an artist I followed made a piece inspired by some of her lyrics. She might be quite a bit different than the artists you recommended though.

I’m going to feel a little silly if I’m wrong, but I’ll tell you after the reveal so I don’t make a fool of myself early. xD Can I ask you one question – do you know your Myer-Briggs type?

I'll probably go to bed soon. I'm actually in bed. I just got stuck on the tiktok app, and I really shouldn't. I've never heard of her, but I'll have to check her out tomorrow and see what she's about. And yes! I do know my Myers-Briggs type! -sparkle ✨💫

Oops you fell down the internet rabbit hole before bed :) Hope you didn’t stay up too late and got enough rest!

Love and War is the first song I found by Fleurie, and it’s also the title of one of her albums. It’s a little bit older but probably my favorite overall! I love the song Hurts Like Hell. It’s devastating but beautiful.

Have a great day, hope to talk to you more soon! 💜

p.s. I’m INFJ ✨

I did fall down the rabbit hole of the internet. It always happens. Also you should check out Kerli! she's really interesting, and I really like her music. Her music videos are also really nice. Intriguing at most. Lol. And I'm infj too! -sparkle ✨💫

I know the reveal has been made, but I didn’t want to leave this sitting all alone in my inbox.

Thank you, Ash, for taking the time not only to make me a beautiful gift but to talk with me this past month. Thank you for being a light and comfort in these uncertain times. I will miss your little surprise messages, but I hope we keep in touch. Now I will go back to liking your wonderful posts (because I confess I held back once I started to guess who you were, I didn’t want you to be suspicious either HAH). I’ve said it a lot but I really hope you stay safe, healthy, and happy!!  💗✨💫💗

[serpentsangel]

Raised on the Wrong Side: Part Seven

Taglist: @rosegoldquintis @laheybabe14 @truthfulchange @daya-thelastunicorn @valeriemusiclove  @smilexoxoes  @kayladooley @nonononononono-i-cant @swordsandserpents

Special shoutout to @southsidepea for not only being the source of the gif used, but also for being one of my newly added favorite blogs <3 Stay awesome. And to my friend Erielle @oops-forgot-to-laugh for encouraging me through her endless support since the start. <3

A/N: AH so this chapter was a little fun to write, hence why it’s now the longest chapter I’ve written. I just got too into it and couldn’t stop! So, sorry if the ending seems a little random but I tried <3 Thank you once again to all the love you have been showing to the story. I truly do appreciate it and never ever thought it’d get the attention that it has. I appreciate every single one of my readers for tuning in.

Plot: After witnessing (Y/N) get into an intense fight with a Ghoulie, Sweet Pea intervenes to help her recover, surfacing those same burns in his stomach once more. A storm awaits as a long-lost resident finds their way back.

Warning: A little more violence, and maaaaybe some fluff with Sweet Pea ;)

Words: 2,503

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

Part Seven

“You found my dad?”  (Y/N) could barely get the words out as Betty sat her down, with Jughead and FP, at the farthest booth they could find at Pop’s. The one place she would go to with her dad whenever she felt upset about anything, especially after other Serpent’s or a young Ghoulie would tease her for her much shorter height. “Where is he?”

“He’s in Greendale. I don’t know why he left there yet but I’m digging deeper.” FP hands (Y/N) the same file Betty had given him the other day. “Look, (Y/N), I know how much this means to you but I don’t think your father’s disappearance is as simple as that. FP can attest to this but he made sacrifices so that everyone else didn’t have to get into trouble. Whatever dealings he may have been involved in, or whatever trouble someone may have gotten him in, he moved to Greendale so that no one else could get hurt.”

“I need to see him, Betty. I have to see him.” FP reaches out and holds (Y/N) letting her hold as tightly as she needs to in order to suppress the tears and to help herself not run out of here in search of her father in another city. “Please tell me you can lead me to him.”

“(Y/N), it won’t be that easy. Whatever got him there in the first place may be carefully watching to make sure he doesn’t ever return. If you want to see your father, you need to be cautious, patient.” FP smiles reassuringly at her as she leans into his side, allowing herself to sob, to let the tears through. After all these years without her father, the only opportunity she has to even be close to him again and she has to work for it. It all seemed unfair and cruel. After all, it’s not like (Y/N) had anything to do with it. She was an innocent child in all of this, taken away by her mother. “I’ll do what I can (Y/N), you deserve to see him. Now you kids head on to school, we can discuss this after.”

FP scooted out as he headed over to pay, (Y/N) sticks the folder into her bag as she walks quickly outside to get to her bike, tears still streaming down her face as she grips the handles, leaning over to take a breather. “(Y/N)?” Jughead approaches her, observing the girl as she could barely grasp at her keys into the ignition. He stops her there and takes her keys. “I’m not going to let you drive in this state.”

“And why do you care, huh?” Jughead’s brows scrunched in confusion. “Don’t look all confused, Jughead. I know that little expose you’re working on. Trying to out me as a fake, as some outsider wanting to destroy and crumble the South Side Serpents from the inside. Does your dad know about this, hm? Wouldn’t want that to get to him, would you? He’s been treating me more like family than my own old childhood best friend has.” If earlier Jug was confused, now he was more so. Nothing in his brain is lining up, they searched and searched for a connection, a memory; anything but nothing came up. His mind turned up a blank, though he wished it didn’t. Seeing (Y/N) crack as quickly as she did, the way she’s raging right in front of him made Jughead wished he could do or say something to make it all better but he was at the short end of the stick in this situation. (Y/N) scoffs as she snatches her keys back from him. “Don’t even bother.”

Jughead stepped back and let her go, the more he tried to remember her, the more it hurt to try. Absolutely nothing was turning up at his head and each second he spent doing this, the more he hated himself for not being able to recall a single memory.

****

The gushing wind from riding her bike caused the tears to dry up, nothing left to cry, just the seething anger at whoever, or whatever, caused her father to move to another city and abandon everything he hold dear. A newfound rage built in her as she forcefully pushes through students that were in her way. Her presence known as she struggled with opening the lock and went rage quit on it, punching it so hard that it left the slightest dent in the metal and a knuckle bruising and pulsating from the contact.

“Hey, hey, hey. Is everything alright?” Sweet Pea questions, taking (Y/N) hand carefully to examine it but she retreats it back at the feeling of his cold hands on her. “You’re going to bruise up qui--.”

“Don’t you have better things to do than to inquire about my hand, Sweet Pea?” (Y/N) rams her shoulder against his as she marches on to he class, creating her own path as those around her noticed her fuming ears. A sign of vulnerability, one small thing and it was going to crack her and though she was not wanting to fight anyone today, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to help it if someone pushed her over the edge. So when a rather cocky and over-confident Ghoulie pushed her, pretending that she wasn’t even there, and walked away like nothing occurred at all; (Y/N) dropped everything she had.

Sweet Pea saw it from across the hallway and could sense that it was going to go down hard. He attempts to maneuver through the crowd but the curiosity got the better of everyone and made it harder to get through. (Y/N) spun around and grabbed the Ghoulie by the shirt collar, pulling them down to the floor as she started to deliver punch, after punch, after punch, all of that pent-up anger she has kept in her all those years being released through her arm and onto the bleeding face of the Ghoulie below her. 

The downside of being too immersed in a pit of rage is (Y/N) didn’t take into account the others, they grabbed her by the arm and held her down as the beaten Ghoulie staggered up and delivered whatever kicks they could muster up, right into her abdomen and face. A sickening relief of pain as her body goes numb.

It hurt to see it and not be able to do anything. Sweet Pea tried once more to force his way through, finally getting into the inner circle. First pulling the already injured Ghoulie to the side and quickly taking down those holding (Y/N) up but they weren’t coming down without a proper fight. He gets up and sends a final swing to the Ghoulie with fresh blood trickling down, at least, three open wounds. 

The sound of cracking echoed through the hushed corridor, by the time he turned to deal with the other two, they fled. (Y/N) falls to the ground, groaning and clutching on to their stomach as the slightest bit of movement sent a jolting pain through her body. Sweet Pea grabs her things and manages to lift her up. “You’re going to be alright, just stay with me, alright?” His voice rings through her ear and it soon fades into a flat line, her swollen eyes failing to stay open before turning to pitch darkness.

Voices muffled in the background, (Y/N) could barely feel anything. Was this all a dream? As (Y/N)’s senses gradually return, she tries to sit up but was stopped by Sweet Pea, holding an arm at the lower of her back and a hand on a shoulder, lowering her slowly to the bed. “Take it easy. You’re going to be in a whole lot of pain for a bit.”

“Thanks again, Sweet Pea. Just don’t say anything yet, alright?” Sweet Pea nods, FP says something inaudible before leaving the trailer. Everything is fuzzy, incomprehensible and painful. No matter which limb (Y/N) attempted to move, it made everything feel ten times worse. 

“Stop trying to move. You’re only going to make it worse.” Sweet Pea grabs a bowl of water, getting back to where he left off, cleaning (Y/N)’s wounds one by one before bandaging them up carefully. His hands as delicate as ever, knowing how painful it must be for her. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s ever been in a fight that caused this much injury. Sweet Pea knew the feeling all too well and it resonated in how he directed himself into treating (Y/N). “It’ll be done with soon.” Eventually, Sweet Pea finished bandaging up (Y/N) last visible wound. He tries to get up to clean all the supplies but the shaky hand of (Y/N) grabs him lightly.

“Stay.” (Y/N) lets out slowly. “Please.” She begs. This had been the most amount of pain she’s ever felt and even if things have been rather sour between (Y/N) and Sweet Pea, she needed another soul there with her. Sweet Pea places the bowl of bloodied water down on the floor as he takes a seat by the bedside, holding onto her hand as she lets out an exasperated sigh curling her fingers slightly around his. He rubs his thumb comfortingly on the back of her hand, running over a small cut. (Y/N) went back to sleep instantly, she needs the rest and even when her eyes completely shut and small snores could be heard, Sweet Pea felt too scared to take his hand away. (Y/N)’s eyes screamed for companionship right at this moment, therefore he stayed put. She needed someone and he was right there beside her.

Loud vibrations were what woke (Y/N) up, she moans as the pain returned to her head, shutting her eyes helped the pain subside, for now. (Y/N) noticed that Sweet Pea had fallen asleep on the edge of the bed still holding her hand, she felt a pang of guilt, as he should be the one sleeping on the bed, it was his after all. The buzzing continued and (Y/N) reaches over for her phone, it’s Reggie.

Reg <3 : Where are you? I heard about what happened. Please tell me you’re alright. Do you need me to meet you somewhere? I’ll bring chocolate.

(Y/N) grins softly as she sends a reply with her non-injured hand, which proved to be insanely difficult.

(Y/N): I’m just at a friend’s, babe. I’m alright, I just need to rest a little. I’ll meet you once I get a little better; thank you for checking in. I love you, Reg.

Reg <3: Take care, alright? I’m always a call or text away. I love you most, (Y/N)

Sweet Pea stirs in his sleep, but never wakes up, carefully slipping out of bed (Y/N) takes a walk around trying to get her muscles going again. As she goes to the living room of his trailer, a small mirror hangs on the wall and that’s when she saw the extent of the damage for the first time. It’s far worse than she expected. (Y/N) could barely recognize herself, her stomach churning as she stumbles back and falls onto the couch, biting down on her tongue to stop her from screaming and waking up Sweet Pea.

In the corner lay a blanket, (Y/N) forces herself to get up and take it to go back to the bedroom and cover Sweet Pea in the blanket, he moved a little more, mumbled some things but stayed asleep. “Thank you.” She whispers, getting back onto the bed looking at the peacefulness on his face, a major contrast to the usual dead-set tough look her sports every day in school and whenever they meet outside. (Y/N) took a moment to admire him at his most peaceful state before drifting back off into sleep, giving her body the much-needed rejuvenation.

(Y/N) once again was woken up, but this time by the sound of Sweet Pea stubbing his toe against a table and cursing loudly, the blanket she draped around him now covered her. “You okay there?” (Y/N) carefully sits up and rubs her tired, swollen eyes gently.

“I’m fine, just hit my toe.” Sweet Pea regains himself as he takes back the seat. “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty dead, to be honest.” (Y/N) chuckles as she reaches her hand to place it on top of Sweet Pea’s. “Thank you, for rescuing my dumb ass and for patching it up too. Sorry if I caused any kind of inconvenience.” 

“It’s all good.” Silence rolled over between the two a moment like this never came by for either and they didn’t know how to go about it. All they’ve ever done were give each other snide comments here and there but never have they ever been placed in a position where they had an opportunity, better than ever, to just be two decent human beings that needed someone in the moment. “You can stay here until you feel like leaving, I can take the couch. I was thinking of grabbing some food, did you want anything in particular?”

“I would love a burger.” (Y/N) exclaims. “But any food will be alright, I feel as if I paraded your place enough already.”

“Do you think you’ll be alright?” Sweet Pea’s voice lingered with worry, if anything were to happen while he was gone (Y/N) didn’t have the strength in her to defend herself and if any more punches or pushes were laid on her, he may not be able to save her from it and that’s a thought that scared him enough. His hands once again found themselves in the comfort of hers, (Y/N) squeezes them gently as she nods. “I’ll give you my number, if you need anything or if anything happens, give me a text.” (Y/N) hands Sweet Pea her phone as he jots his number down and gives it back to you. “I won’t be gone for long. Stay safe.” And whether it was the heat of the moment, the protectiveness he feels towards her in her moment of weakness, Sweet Pea leaned down to give a kiss to her head. A shock to the both of them, when he realized what he was doing, he ran out of the place.

Sweet Pea dropped by Pop’s, knowing it was the one place (Y/N) liked to get her burgers. As he waited for his order, the sound of the doors bells rang through and approaches the counter. “Pick-Up for AJ (Y/L/N).” Sweet Pea’s ears perked up at the name, he didn’t mean to eaves drop and as stealthy as he could, he takes a look at the gentleman and blinked his eyes rapidly to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things. AJ felt a pair of eyes on him and turned to see Sweet Pea, he could see the visible Serpent tattoo on his neck. Pop’s hands him his order and with a smile at a fellow Serpent, he walks out, leaving Sweet Pea frozen in his spot.

[radiant-flutterbun]

Without Wings

Previously

Nike didn’t know what to do or say. It was clear that someone was stealing from her clan, but there was no trace of the intruder, or how they were thieving. Not even her best trackers could find any trace of a stranger within Clan Ton Theon.

But worse of all she didn’t know how to help the dragons directly affected by this thief and it broke her heart to see them shadows of theirselves. Sepulchral’s grief over his missing wings stung in particular. It was no secret that over the years Nike had grown attached to the young skydancer, and that she thought of him as a son.

“Listen, we’ll find your wings, and Muerto’s necklace and Isra’s journal and yes even Hiraeth even though they keep stealing food from the clan. But definitely your wings. Like I know for a fact we’ll get them back.” Nike smiled and patted Sepulchral back. He shrugged away from her and if she wasn’t blind she would have seen a flash of white teeth.

“Don’t touch me,” Sepulchral growled.

Nike bristled “Sorry. I was just trying to help.”

“Don’t bother.” Sonder walked into the room “He’s been in a foul mood ever since his wings were stolen.”

“Well so would you if someone stole something precious from you!”

“I would be upset, but I would take it out on anyone else!”

“Oh yeah, because you’re sooo sweet and precious and morally right all the fucking time right?”

“Sep,” Sonder said “You’re being nasty to me again.”

Sepulchral opened his mouth to make a quick remark but thought better of it “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying you’re sorry, and then you go back and start being nasty to me again,” Sonder sighed “You know, if this starts becoming a habit wings or no wings then… I think we should break up.”

Nike backed up toward the door “Hey you know what? I should really go. Bye!” She fled out the door.

Sepulchral looked at the floor “Ok, ok. I’m sorry Sonder. I get it I’m being an asshole and I need to stop,” He took a deep breath “I need to get it together.”

“Yeah you do that. I’m going to go check on Muerto and Inkdrop.”

After Sonder left the room Sepulchral slapped himself “Idiot! What is wrong with me…?”

***

Muerto was not ok.

Without his necklace his anxiety had skyrocketed. He kept clawing at his neck, hoping to touch the silver necklace that he had become so accustomed to over the years. Already he missed the soothing feel of the cold metal, and the gradual bumps along the base of the necklace, and the smooth feel of the black gemstone placed in the middle.

He never felt so naked before. Not even when his cape was burned in a fire and he was forced to show the ugly scar that nearly killed him to the world. Not even when his magical symbol was shattered and he had his immortality and kingdom stripped away from him all at once. It was his necklace that soothed him during those frightening times. His friends helped too, but his necklace banished his fear and paranoid thoughts just long enough to allow his friends to help.

Now the necklace was gone, and all the anxiety, fear and paranoia it was holding back was drowning Muerto.

“I could make you a new one!” Niossa offered “It really wasn’t that hard to make, PLUS my magic has gotten a lot better so I could problem add some new stuff to it! Like instead of just friendship magic, I could try to add a little bit of anti-anxiety magic or-”

“No! I don’t want a new one! It won’t be the same!” Muerto shouted “It won’t have every little bump and dent in it, or… or the strange cut of the gem, and no magic! It’s not the magic of the necklace that’s important but the connection! The history!”

“O-oh ok. I’m sorry. What is it that I can do to help you?”

“I don’t know. Can you just leave me alone? I think it’ll be better if I’m alone.”

Niossa frowned “Ok. If that’s what you want.” She turned around to leave.

“I will stay with Master. I will make sure no harm comes to him,” The grey guardian, Bubonic announced.

“No Boo. I want you to leave too.”

“Y-you do?” Bubonic lowered her head “I meant...Of… Of course Master. I will leave.”

So even Bubonic, Muerto’s protector and friend since he was eight, made her way out of the room to give Muerto some space. Niossa went downstairs to the lobby, but Bubonic had no place else to go without Muerto and curled up outside his door, blocking the hallway for any dragon who wanted through.

One of those dragons, was Sonder.

“Hey Bubonic can I get through? I want to talk to Muerto.”

“Master said he wanted to be left alone. He does not even want to see me.”

“Oh. That means he’s doing bad if he kicked even you out. Sure you can’t let me just check on him?”

“No. Master said-”

“Yes I know what he said but, what if he tries to hurt himself or something? Don’t you think it’d be a good idea to check?”

“Master will not be hurt because I will protect him.”

“Yeah and he’s all alone in that room so how are you supposed to know if he’s in danger or not?”

“Because I will not let anyone through this door.”

“But what if he’s a danger to himself?”

“Master has no history of self harm.”

“Yet.”

Bubonic growled “Master is fine.”

“He’s not fine! Sep has turned into a completely different person since his wings were stolen from him. This thief stole things that the owner cannot live without. Muerto has been through a lot and he’s just a kid trying to process all this fucked up shit that keeps happening to him. It’s a lot for someone his age to handle on his own. And he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be on his own. Especially not now. Bubonic, please let me through.”

“... Fine,” Bubonic moved aside and Sonder rushed in.

Muerto was sleeping in his bed and woke up when Sonder arrived.

“Oh good. You're alright.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well I know you’re going through a tough time is all. Just wanted to check up on you.”

“Oh. Thanks I guess. But all I want is to be left alone.”

“Alright, it’s cool. I’ll get going.”

“Hey wait.”

Sonder stopped “What?”

“How did you get in here?”

“Bubonic let me in.”

“No that’s impossible!” Muerto jumped out of his bed, his feathers poofed up to make him look bigger “She only listens to me!”

“Well she wasn’t going to let me in, but I persuaded her to.”

“What did you do to her?”

“Huh? Nothing!”

“If you hurt her I’ll… I’ll…”

“Muerto what the fuck. I would never hurt her! I’m pretty sure she’d bite my head off if I tried. Besides,” Sonder opened the door and gestured to Bubonic who was right outside “She’s right here!”

“Master what’s wrong?” Bubonic stood up.

“Why did you let her in? I wanted to be left alone!”

“Master I’m sorry but-”

“Oh no it’s the necklace! I’m losing control of you!”

“Master you don’t… You don’t control me… I… I am your friend. I protect you. It is my duty, but it is out of my free will.”

“Weeell, now it might be out of your free will but…” Sonder began.

Bubonic turned her head toward her “But what?”

“Bubonic I don’t know if you remember, but… You were created to kill Muerto.”

Bubonic brought her jaws alarmingly close to Sonder “Lies!” She hissed and Sonder could smell rotting flesh on her breath “I would never harm Master.”

Sonder gulped “Maybe not now but when you were first cr-”

“I. Would. Never. Hurt. Master.”

“Leave! Both of you!” Muerto hissed and he shot Bubonic a terrified look.

“Master… Are you… Afraid of me?”

“O-out!”

“Y-yes Master…” Bubonic lowered her head and turned around.

“And I don’t want you outside of my door ethier!”

“... Yes Master,” Bubonic’s voice cracked.

“That was a bit harsh,” Sonder said “Bubonic loves you. Just because you don’t have your necklace with that enchantment on it anymore doesn’t mean she’s going to suddenly turn back to how she was and attack you. Niossa’s magic wasn’t controlling her, it just… Helped her realize you were a friend that’s all.”

“Sonder. Get out of my room.”

“Alright. Fine.” Sonder slammed the door behind her and passed a sobbing Bubonic along her way to the lobby.

Displeased by the attitudes of Sepulchral and Muerto, Sonder hoped at least Inkdrop didn’t turn nasty. She found her in the lobby, as a black puddle. Dragons had to carefully step around her to avoid splashing her ink-like body across the entire lobby. Sonder sighed and marched back upstairs.

She didn’t know Isra very well, but since he was the fourth victim of the thief she decided she might as well check on him too.

***

Isra searched and searched and searched, but not even a page of his journal was found. Already his memory was beginning to fade. Spots were appearing in even his fondest of memories. He wanted, no needed to cling to the memory of his son hatching. If he forgot that, how could he call himself a proud father? If only he could find his journal and reread his detailed written account of that memory.

Isra lived his life writing. He wrote about everything. Life experiences, any fact he learned, receipts, dreams, documents. Everything that could be put into words he wrote down. His journal had endless pages, so he was free to write as much as he could without his wrist cramping. But now it was gone, and with it his life. In a single night his memories, his research, his treaties and paperwork that allowed him to freely walk around Sornieth, all gone.

And most importantly his journal acted as his main mode of communication. Isra often had trouble turning his thoughts into words without writing them down first. So now without his journal he didn’t even know how to communicate how upset he was. All of his feelings turned around in his mind in an uncontrollable tide. If he could just find something, anything to write on, he might have been able to make sense of it all.

But as soon as he spotted a stray piece of paper and a quill, they disappeared.

“Oh dear me! You didn’t want that now did you?” Isra’s shadow stretched across the wall and turned to look at him “Oh no. A big dragon like you shouldn’t be writing on something so small. You wouldn’t want to strain your eyes!”

Isra’s shadow morphed and took a new shape. It formed a tall and skinny figure. One with four arms and claws. Big antlers sat on top of its oval shaped head. A long tail flicked across the wall, and long stringy hair hung from the creature’s shadow-like head and neck. The creature had a fanged smile and seven white eyes blinked open.

“It’s good to see you again, Izzy my old friend.”

[inazuma-eleven-translations]

Inazuma All Stars TPK Character Original Album ‘Maji de Kansha’ Interview with Terasaki Yuka, Kitahara Sayaka + Ohara Takashi

Full Scans can be found here: http://inazuma.pmsinfirm.org/?p=284

Aoki Tamashii (Blue Spirit)

Matsukaze Tenma - Terasaki Yuka

Shindou Takuto - Saiga Mitsuki

Terasaki: Shindou-senpai is so cool!

Ohara: He is, isn’t he?

Terasaki: Since the key was a little low for me, I really had to try hard to sing the song. But Saiga-san is able to sing really low - as expected of her! I really love the lyrics, like ‘Hard work won’t let down down, so raise your face and keep marching forward!’.

Ohara: It really leaves you feeling refreshed.

Terasaki: Oh! And I was so happy that Shindou sang Tenma’s catchphrase ‘Nan toka naru sa!’ (Everything will work out somehow). Even if he’s never said the actual words, I like to think he’s gotten on board with Tenma’s way of thinking!

Ohara: Past Shindou certainly wasn’t a ‘nan toka naru sa’ kind of guy - that’s for sure.

Terasaki: Yeah, but I’m glad if he can think that sometimes it’s alright to think that way.

Ohara: I also liked ‘(this blue spirit in my chest) emits light and joins us to the next generation’.

Terasaki: Right now all of us are still first years.

Kitahara: Yeah, we don’t have junior kouhais yet. Actually, not a lot of time has passed yet (laughs).

Sayonara Kako no Ore (Goodbye, My Former Self)

Tsurugi Kyousuke - Ohara Takashi

Kariya Masaki - Tai Yuuki

Ohara: How should I put it - everyone has things they don’t want to remember. There’s plenty of times when even I’m just taking a shower at night and I suddenly remember something that happened in the past, like ‘Wahh!’.

Terasaki: While you’re completely naked? (laughs)

Ohara: (laughs) Well, of course my past is nowhere near as tough as Tsurugi’s but I definitely get the feeling ‘I don’t want to remember this…’

Terasaki: Both Tsurugi and Kariya were naughty.

Ohara: But Tsurugi destroyed the old club room! ‘Sometimes nightmares from the past flash before my eyes out of nowhere’ - things like that could actually be true.

Terasaki: But was Tsurugi really worse than Kariya? I mean, didn’t he start to bully Kirino despite not having any idea what was going on around him? That was really awful!

Ohara: He did, yeah. Although you can’t imagine it now. (laughs) At the time, he had to try and find the right place for himself.

Kitahara: Kariya is a lonely person!

Terasaki: By the way, ‘warm sun’ and ‘gentle breeze’ seem to refer to Coach Endou and Tenma.

Ashita no Hero (Tomorrow’s Hero)

Gouenji Shuuya - Nojima Hirofumi

Shindou Takuto - Saiga Mitsuki

Terasaki: It’s refreshing to hear those two say things like ‘It won’t end at (just) admiration’ and ‘I’ll become somebody who people will think of in that way’. I wonder who Gouenji-san looks up to? How about Endou-san? As for Shindou-senpai… It’s gotta be Endou-san, right? As an example of a Captain.

Ohara: So in the end, does everyone gather around Endou-san? (laughs)

Kitahara: Their voices really merged together, didn’t they. They were so connected - to the extent that you couldn’t hear two separate voices.

Ohara: Yeah, they really mixed well together!

Namida no Art~Nijiiro no Hana (The Art of Tears and Rainbow-Coloured Flowers)

Kirino Ranmaru - Kobayashi Yuu

Fei Rune - Kimura Akiko

Terasaki: What a gentle song. It’s a little sensual?

Ohara: It’s a little bit alluring.

Kitahara: It’s mature. Feels like you’d want to listen to it carefully by yourself.

Terasaki: Because those two have such sweet voices.

Ohara: This is Fei’s first song. I felt moved. Like - Oh! Fei is singing!

Terasaki: We’re looking forward to Fei’s secrets being revealed next year. After everything is made clear, I want to listen to the song once more.

Koi no Shuukuriimu (Choux Cream of Love)

Sorano Aoi - Kitahara Sayaka

Seto Midori - Mina

Yamana Akane - Yurin

Kitahara: The 3 managers got to sing and have fun together!

Ohara: How cute!

Terasaki: I wanna eat a choux cream!

Kitahara: I’m hungry now~

Terasaki: Hiroshi-san makes cute songs! (laughs) You can feel the girls’ love.

Kitahara: Yeah. ‘There’s no sell-by-date’ was kinda playful, and when you hear it, it makes you squee. It really felt like a song for Midori-san and Akane-san to sing.

Todoke! Yuujou no Eeru (Soar! Yell of Friendship!)

Ohara: The defenders who support everyone - it’s their song.

Terasaki: It’s very like first-yearish to wonder ‘Can I really make friends?’. Shinsuke, unlike Tenma, introduced himself without showing any nerves, but I wonder if he was nervous on the inside.

Ohara: I wonder if Kariya also worries about that sort of thing.

Terasaki: He has no naming sense! (laughs) Everyone laughed at him - that was funny. And yet, Tenma always immediately turns to Kariya when they need to name something. His naming sense is an art.

Ohara: People said to him, like ‘What on earth is with that name?’

Kitahara: Aoi-chan said, ‘No way, no way!’ and burst into laughter.

Terasaki: But middle school kids do that sort of stuff to each other (laughs).

Honoo no Puraido (Flaming Pride)

Gouenji Shuuya - Nojima Hirofumi

Someoka Ryuugo - Kase Yasuyuki

Fubuki Shirou - Miyano Mamoru

Terasaki: This song seems really difficult to sing! The key goes up and down and up and down. But I knew those 3 would be able to sing it.

Ohara: It sounds kind of nostalgic.

Terasaki: It sounds like a Johnny’s (a Japanese talent agency for boy bands) song from the 90s. I want the 3 of them to dance together, like a boyband. While Someoka would be clumsy, like - am I doing this right? - I’d want him to try his very best to dance.

Kitahara: Gouenji would dance smoothly and cool!

Terasaki: Fubuki-san does a lot of whirling turns during his special moves - he definitely seems like he’d be good at ballet. He has to wear white tights! Then, Someoka-san is hip-hop and Gouenji-san is jazz. Reggae would be cool for Someoka-san too!

Suki da kara! (Because I like you)

Endou Mamoru - Takeuchi Junko

Kidou Yuuto - Yoshino Hiroyuki

Ohara: I personally really like this song.

Terasaki: Kidou, who’s normally cool, exclaims ‘because I like you!’. If you just look at the title, it looks like a song by a girl.

Kitahara: I like that contrast.

Ohara: Some parts are a conversation. I liked Kidou-san’s ‘I decided to help you out’.

Terasaki: It feels like, he figured his role and happily accepted it. He wanted to play soccer with Endou-san and went through the trouble of transferring to Raimon to do that. Thanks to the unrivalled POWER OF LOVE! The song is over-flowing with Kidou-san’s thoughts.

Ohara: It’s seriously cool!

Mabushii Mirai Yeah!!! (Dazzling Future)

Endou Mamoru - Takeuchi Junko

Matsukaze Tenma - Terasaki Yuuka

Terasaki: ‘More than now!’ is repeated many times - it’s a really upbeat song. Both of these two feel that if you do loads of practice you’ll want to become even better. While we recorded, the length of the part ‘Spread your wings, towards a future too dazzling to be true’ really moved me. Holding the note with Junko-san was perfect.

Ohara + Kitahara: Ooh!

Terasaki: And Endou said Tenma’s ‘Nan toka naru!’. I was really happy about that!

Ohara: Tenma’s ‘Nan toka naru’ is gradually spreading. (laughs)

Maji de Kansha! (Seriously, Thank You So Much)

Endou Mamoru - Takeuchi Junko

Someoka Ryuugo - Kase Yasuyuki

Matsukaze Tenma - Terasaki Yuuka

Tsurugi Kyousuke - Ohara Takashi

Shindou Takuto - Saiga Mitsuki

Terasaki: I always loved this song as the theme song for Endou’s story, it’s really exciting.

Kitahara: I cry when I listen to this song.

Ohara: I cried when we recorded it. Together with T-Pistonz + KMC-san, everyone smiled brightly when we all listened to the song together. The power of this song is amazing!

Kitahara: Shindou-senpai’s rap was really cool. So was Someoka’s.

Terasaki: So was Tsurugi’s. Like ‘To the sky, outer space!’ and ‘Return the LOVE 100 times!’.

Ohara: It was actually difficult to rap as Tsurugi. I had to rerecord it many times. During one of those times, I tried it in the style of a hissatsuwazza and the director said that was interesting. Aside from the rap, I also did ‘Riiyo!’ and ‘Hey!’ in the style of a hissatsuwazza. I also used the way KMC-san raps as an example.

Terasaki: This rap really brings out everyone’s energy! ‘Days when you’re covered in mud - one day you’ll definitely play a useful role! You can’t buy these wonderful friends with money!’ Lyrics like that are so, so cool!

Ohara: I want to sing this at an event with everyone.

Kitahara: Yeah, me too!

[gandos]

WATCH — I Am Woman — FULL 2020 — M O V I E S [STREAMING ONLINE]

I Am Woman

➜WATCH NOW

The story of 1970s musician and activist Helen Reddy. Director: Unjoo Moon Writer: Emma Jensen Stars: Evan Peters, Tilda Cobham-Hervey, Matty Cardarople

➜DOWNLOAD

1966. Helen Reddy arrives in New York with her three-year-old daughter, a suitcase and $230 in her pocket. She had been told she’d won a recording contract, but the record company promptly dashes her hopes by telling her it has enough female stars and suggests she has fun in New York before returning home to Australia. Helen, without a visa, decides to stay in New York anyway and pursue a singing career, struggling to make ends meet and provide for her daughter. There she befriends legendary rock journalist Lillian Roxon, who becomes her closest confident. Lillian inspires her to write and sing the iconic song “I Am Woman” which becomes the anthem for the second wave feminist movement and galvanises a generation of women to fight for change. She also meets Jeff Wald, a young aspiring talent manager who becomes her agent and husband. Jeff helps her get to the top, but he also suffers from a drug addiction, which gradually turns their relationship toxic. Caught in the treadmill of fame …

Our relationship is strained. It feels like it has been for a while. For the last four years, there has been an elephant in the room — I’d joke and call it an orange elephant, but I’m nervous that might end this earnest conversation before it even begins. Have I changed? I mean, yes, of course I have. I’ve gotten older. I’ve had two children. I’ve tried to read and learn as much as possible, just as you taught me. In fact, that’s sort of the weirdest thing. I don’t think I’ve changed much. I still believe, deep in my bones, all the fundamental things you not only talked to me about, but showed me when I was little. I believe in character. I believe in competence. I believe in treating people decently. I believe in moderation. I believe in a better future and I believe in American exceptionalism, the idea that the system we were given by the Founding Fathers, although imperfect, has been an incredible vehicle for progress, moral improvement, and greatness, unlike any other system of government or country yet conceived. I believe this exceptionalism comes with responsibilities. Politically, I’m pretty much the same, too. Government is best when limited, but it’s nonetheless necessary. Fair but low taxes grow the economy. Rights must be protected, privacy respected. Partisanship stops at the water’s edge. No law can make people virtuous — that obligation rests on every individual. So how is it even possible that we’re here? Unable to travel, banned from entry by countless nations. The laughingstock of the developed world for our woeful response to a pandemic. 200,000 dead. It hasn’t been safe to see you guys or grandma for months, despite being just a plane ride away. My children — your grandchildren — are deprived of their friends and school. Meanwhile, the U.S., which was built on immigration — grandma being one who fled the ravages of war in Europe for a better life here — is now a bastion of anti-immigrant hysteria. Our relatives on your side fought for the Union in the Civil War. Great-grandpa fought against the Russians in WWI, and granddad landed at Normandy to stop the rise of fascism. And now people are marching with tiki-torches shouting, “the Jews will not replace us.” What is happening?! Black men are shot down in the streets? Foreign nations are offering bounties on American soldiers?

i am woman movie full casti am the other woman full movie i am woman movie i am woman movie netflixi am woman movie where to watch i am woman movie trailer i am woman movie review i am woman movie soundtrack i am woman movie adelaide i am woman movie australia And the President of the United States defends, rationalizes, or does nothing to stop this? I’d say that’s insane, but I’m too heartbroken. Because every step of the way, I’ve heard you defend, rationalize, or enable him and the politicians around him. Not since I was a kid have I craved to hear your strong voice more, to hear you say anything reassuring, inspiring, morally cogent. If not for me, then for the world that will be left to your grandchildren. This does not feel like a good road we are going down… Look, I know you’re not to blame for this. You hold no position of power besides the one we all have as voters, but I guess I just always thought you believed in the lessons you taught me, and the things we used to listen to on talk radio on our drives home from the lake. All those conversations about American dignity, the power of private enterprise, the sacredness of the Oval Office, the primacy of the rule of law. Now Donald Trump gushes over foreign strongmen. He cheats on his wife with porn stars (and bribes them with illegal campaign funds). He attacks whistleblowers (career army officers, that is). He lies blatantly and habitually, about both the smallest and largest of things. He enriches himself, his family members, and his business with expenditures straight from the public treasury. And that’s just the stuff we know about. God knows what else has happened these last four years that executive privilege has allowed him to obscure from public view. I still think about the joke you made when we walked past Trump Tower in New York when I was kid. Tacky, you said. A reality show fool. Now that fool has his finger on the nuclear button — which I think he thinks is an actual button — and I can’t understand why you’re OK with this. I mean, the guy can’t even spell! You demanded better of me in the papers I turned in when I was in middle school. I know you don’t like any of it. If you’d have had your choice, any other Republican would have been elected but Trump. You’re not an extremist, and you’ve never once said anything as repulsive as what people now seem comfortable saying on TV and social media (and in emails to your son, I might add). Four years ago, I wrote to you to ask you not to vote for Donald Trump. But this time around, that’s no longer enough. At some point, just finding it all unpleasant and shaking your head at the tweets, while saying or doing nothing more about it, is moral complicity. You told me that as a kid! That the bad prevail when good people do nothing. A while back I emailed a friend of mine who is an advisor to the administration. I said to him, why do you think my dad’s support of Trump bothers me so much more than yours? Because it does. This is someone who helped put Trump in office and wants to keep him there, but we’re still friends. Talking to him doesn’t hurt my heart the way it does when politics come up over family meals. The man’s answer was telling, and I am quoting. He said, “Because I am irredeemable, but your dad ought to know better.” Does that register with you at all? One of the things you taught me well was how to spot a scam. Double check everything, you said. Do your research. Look at what the people around them say. Look at their history. Remember when you used to quote Reagan’s line to me, “Trust, but verify”? I’ve been lucky enough to make a few trips to Washington the last few years. I’ve sat across from Senators and Congressmen. I’ve talked to generals who have briefed the president, and business leaders who worked with him before the election. This is a guy who doesn’t read, they said, a guy with the attention span of a child. Everybody avoided doing business with him. Because he didn’t listen, because he stiffed people on bills, because he was clueless. He treated women horribly. He’s awful, they said. I thought this was a particularly damning line: If Donald Trump were even half-competent, one elected official told me, he could probably rule this country for 20 years. I have trouble figuring what’s worse — that he wants to, or that he wants to but isn’t competent enough to pull it off. Instead, Washington is so broken and so filled with cowards that Trump just spent the last four years breaking stuff and embarrassing himself. I learned from you how to recognize a dangerous or unreliable person. If you don’t trust the news, could you trust what I’m bringing you, right from the source? Let’s trust our gut, not our political sensibility. Based on what I’ve told you, and what you’ve seen: Would you let him manage your money? Would you want your wife or daughter to work for him without supervision? I’m not even sure I would stay in one of his hotels, after what I’ve read. Watching the RNC a few weeks ago, I wondered what planet I was on. What’s with all the yelling? How is this happening on the White House lawn? Why are his loser kids on the bill? His kid’s girlfriend??? And what is this picture of America they are painting? They are the ones in charge! Yet they choose to campaign against the dystopian nightmare that is 2020… which is to say, they are campaigning against themselves. Look, I agree there is crazy stuff happening in the world. The civil unrest is palpable, violence is on the rise, and Americans have never been so openly divided. Sure, rioting and looting are bad. But who is to blame for all the chaos? The President. Remember what you told me about the sign on Truman’s desk? The buck stops here. (May we contrast that with: “I don’t take responsibility at all.”) In any case, what some crazy people in Portland are doing is not ours to repeatedly disavow. What the president does? The citizens are complicit in that. Especially if we endorse it at the ballot box come November 3rd. Besides, what credibility do we have to insist on the ‘rule of law’ when eight of the president’s associates have faced criminal charges? His former lawyer went to jail, too! And then the president commutes their sentences, dangles pardons to keep them quiet, or tries to prevent them from cooperating with authorities? When he’s fined millions of dollars for illegally using his charity as a slush fund? When he cheats on his taxes? When he helped his parents avoid taxes, too? I remember you once told me the story of a police officer in your department who was caught filling up his personal car with gas paid for by the city. The problem, you said, wasn’t just the mistake. It was that when he was confronted by it, he lied. But the cameras showed the proof and so he was fired, for being untrustworthy most of all. Would you fire Trump if he worked for you? What kind of culture do you think your work would have had if the boss acted like Trump? As for the lying, that’s the craziest part, because we can, as the kids say, check the receipts: Was it bad enough to call John McCain a loser? Yes, but then, of course, Trump lied and claimed he didn’t. Bad enough to cheat on his wife? Yes, but of course, he lied about it, and committed crimes covering it up (which he also lied about). Was it bad enough to solicit help from Russia and Wikileaks in the election? Yes, but then he, his son, and his campaign have lied about it so many times, in so many forums, that some of them went to jail over it. Was it stupid that, in February, Trump was tweeting about how Covid-29 was like the flu and that we didn’t need to worry? Yes, but it takes on a different color when you listen to him tell Bob Woodward that in January he knew how bad it was, how much worse it was than even the worst flu, and that he was deliberately going to downplay the virus for political purposes. I’m sure we could quibble over some, but The Fact Checker database currently tallys over 20,000 lies since he took office. Even if we cut it in half, that’s insane! It’s impossible to deny: Trump lied, and Americans have died because of it. A friend of mine had a one-on-one dinner with Trump at the White House a while back. It was actually amazing, he said. Half the evening was spent telling lies about the size of his inaugural address. This was in private — not even for public relations purposes, and years after the controversy had died down. That’s when he realized: The lying is pathological. It can’t be helped. Which is to say, it makes a person unfit to lead. Politics should not come before family. I don’t want you to think this affects how I feel about you. But it does make it harder for us to spend time together — not just literally so, since Trump’s bumbling response to the pandemic has crippled America and made travel difficult. It’s that I feel grief. I feel real grief — were the lessons you taught me as a kid not true? Did you not mean them? Was it self-serving stuff to make sure I behaved? Was I a fool for listening? Or is it worse, that my own father cares more about his retirement accounts — and I’ll grant, the runup of the market has been nice for me, too — than the future he is leaving for his children? Are you so afraid of change, of that liberal boogeyman Limbaugh and Hannity and these other folks have concocted, that you’d rather entrust the country to a degenerate carnival barker than anyone else? I see all this anger, what is it that you’re so angry about? You’ve won. Society has worked for you. My own success is proof. So what is it? Because it can’t possibly be that you think this guy is trustworthy, decent, or kind. It’s definitely not about his policies… because almost every single one is anathema to what Republicans — and you — have talked about my entire life. The one thing I hold onto is hope. I believe in America. I believe in the goodness of hardworking people like you and Mom. I know that this is not what you wanted to happen, that this is not the America you grew up in nor the one you would like for me and my kids to grow up in. I hold onto hope that you’re tired enough to draw the line. That you are not irredeemable as that Trump advisor allowed himself to become. The right thing is always the right thing, you’ve said. Even when it’s hard. Even when it goes against what your friends think, or what you’ve done in the past. The right thing is obviously to end this. To cancel this horrendous experiment with its cavalcade of daily horrors and vulgarities and stupidities and historical humiliations. America is a great nation. …

[streamifree]

I Am Woman   (2020) FULL MOVIE STREAM FREe

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The story of 1970s musician and activist Helen Reddy. Director: Unjoo Moon Writer: Emma Jensen Stars: Evan Peters, Tilda Cobham-Hervey, Matty Cardarople

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1966. Helen Reddy arrives in New York with her three-year-old daughter, a suitcase and $230 in her pocket. She had been told she’d won a recording contract, but the record company promptly dashes her hopes by telling her it has enough female stars and suggests she has fun in New York before returning home to Australia. Helen, without a visa, decides to stay in New York anyway and pursue a singing career, struggling to make ends meet and provide for her daughter. There she befriends legendary rock journalist Lillian Roxon, who becomes her closest confident. Lillian inspires her to write and sing the iconic song “I Am Woman” which becomes the anthem for the second wave feminist movement and galvanises a generation of women to fight for change. She also meets Jeff Wald, a young aspiring talent manager who becomes her agent and husband. Jeff helps her get to the top, but he also suffers from a drug addiction, which gradually turns their relationship toxic. Caught in the treadmill of fame …

Our relationship is strained. It feels like it has been for a while. For the last four years, there has been an elephant in the room — I’d joke and call it an orange elephant, but I’m nervous that might end this earnest conversation before it even begins. Have I changed? I mean, yes, of course I have. I’ve gotten older. I’ve had two children. I’ve tried to read and learn as much as possible, just as you taught me. In fact, that’s sort of the weirdest thing. I don’t think I’ve changed much. I still believe, deep in my bones, all the fundamental things you not only talked to me about, but showed me when I was little. I believe in character. I believe in competence. I believe in treating people decently. I believe in moderation. I believe in a better future and I believe in American exceptionalism, the idea that the system we were given by the Founding Fathers, although imperfect, has been an incredible vehicle for progress, moral improvement, and greatness, unlike any other system of government or country yet conceived. I believe this exceptionalism comes with responsibilities. Politically, I’m pretty much the same, too. Government is best when limited, but it’s nonetheless necessary. Fair but low taxes grow the economy. Rights must be protected, privacy respected. Partisanship stops at the water’s edge. No law can make people virtuous — that obligation rests on every individual. So how is it even possible that we’re here? Unable to travel, banned from entry by countless nations. The laughingstock of the developed world for our woeful response to a pandemic. 200,000 dead. It hasn’t been safe to see you guys or grandma for months, despite being just a plane ride away. My children — your grandchildren — are deprived of their friends and school. Meanwhile, the U.S., which was built on immigration — grandma being one who fled the ravages of war in Europe for a better life here — is now a bastion of anti-immigrant hysteria. Our relatives on your side fought for the Union in the Civil War. Great-grandpa fought against the Russians in WWI, and granddad landed at Normandy to stop the rise of fascism. And now people are marching with tiki-torches shouting, “the Jews will not replace us.” What is happening?! Black men are shot down in the streets? Foreign nations are offering bounties on American soldiers?

i am woman movie full casti am the other woman full movie i am woman movie i am woman movie netflixi am woman movie where to watch i am woman movie trailer i am woman movie review i am woman movie soundtrack i am woman movie adelaide i am woman movie australia And the President of the United States defends, rationalizes, or does nothing to stop this? I’d say that’s insane, but I’m too heartbroken. Because every step of the way, I’ve heard you defend, rationalize, or enable him and the politicians around him. Not since I was a kid have I craved to hear your strong voice more, to hear you say anything reassuring, inspiring, morally cogent. If not for me, then for the world that will be left to your grandchildren. This does not feel like a good road we are going down… Look, I know you’re not to blame for this. You hold no position of power besides the one we all have as voters, but I guess I just always thought you believed in the lessons you taught me, and the things we used to listen to on talk radio on our drives home from the lake. All those conversations about American dignity, the power of private enterprise, the sacredness of the Oval Office, the primacy of the rule of law. Now Donald Trump gushes over foreign strongmen. He cheats on his wife with porn stars (and bribes them with illegal campaign funds). He attacks whistleblowers (career army officers, that is). He lies blatantly and habitually, about both the smallest and largest of things. He enriches himself, his family members, and his business with expenditures straight from the public treasury. And that’s just the stuff we know about. God knows what else has happened these last four years that executive privilege has allowed him to obscure from public view. I still think about the joke you made when we walked past Trump Tower in New York when I was kid. Tacky, you said. A reality show fool. Now that fool has his finger on the nuclear button — which I think he thinks is an actual button — and I can’t understand why you’re OK with this. I mean, the guy can’t even spell! You demanded better of me in the papers I turned in when I was in middle school. I know you don’t like any of it. If you’d have had your choice, any other Republican would have been elected but Trump. You’re not an extremist, and you’ve never once said anything as repulsive as what people now seem comfortable saying on TV and social media (and in emails to your son, I might add). Four years ago, I wrote to you to ask you not to vote for Donald Trump. But this time around, that’s no longer enough. At some point, just finding it all unpleasant and shaking your head at the tweets, while saying or doing nothing more about it, is moral complicity. You told me that as a kid! That the bad prevail when good people do nothing. A while back I emailed a friend of mine who is an advisor to the administration. I said to him, why do you think my dad’s support of Trump bothers me so much more than yours? Because it does. This is someone who helped put Trump in office and wants to keep him there, but we’re still friends. Talking to him doesn’t hurt my heart the way it does when politics come up over family meals. The man’s answer was telling, and I am quoting. He said, “Because I am irredeemable, but your dad ought to know better.” Does that register with you at all? One of the things you taught me well was how to spot a scam. Double check everything, you said. Do your research. Look at what the people around them say. Look at their history. Remember when you used to quote Reagan’s line to me, “Trust, but verify”? I’ve been lucky enough to make a few trips to Washington the last few years. I’ve sat across from Senators and Congressmen. I’ve talked to generals who have briefed the president, and business leaders who worked with him before the election. This is a guy who doesn’t read, they said, a guy with the attention span of a child. Everybody avoided doing business with him. Because he didn’t listen, because he stiffed people on bills, because he was clueless. He treated women horribly. He’s awful, they said. I thought this was a particularly damning line: If Donald Trump were even half-competent, one elected official told me, he could probably rule this country for 20 years. I have trouble figuring what’s worse — that he wants to, or that he wants to but isn’t competent enough to pull it off. Instead, Washington is so broken and so filled with cowards that Trump just spent the last four years breaking stuff and embarrassing himself. I learned from you how to recognize a dangerous or unreliable person. If you don’t trust the news, could you trust what I’m bringing you, right from the source? Let’s trust our gut, not our political sensibility. Based on what I’ve told you, and what you’ve seen: Would you let him manage your money? Would you want your wife or daughter to work for him without supervision? I’m not even sure I would stay in one of his hotels, after what I’ve read. Watching the RNC a few weeks ago, I wondered what planet I was on. What’s with all the yelling? How is this happening on the White House lawn? Why are his loser kids on the bill? His kid’s girlfriend??? And what is this picture of America they are painting? They are the ones in charge! Yet they choose to campaign against the dystopian nightmare that is 2020… which is to say, they are campaigning against themselves. Look, I agree there is crazy stuff happening in the world. The civil unrest is palpable, violence is on the rise, and Americans have never been so openly divided. Sure, rioting and looting are bad. But who is to blame for all the chaos? The President. Remember what you told me about the sign on Truman’s desk? The buck stops here. (May we contrast that with: “I don’t take responsibility at all.”) In any case, what some crazy people in Portland are doing is not ours to repeatedly disavow. What the president does? The citizens are complicit in that. Especially if we endorse it at the ballot box come November 3rd. Besides, what credibility do we have to insist on the ‘rule of law’ when eight of the president’s associates have faced criminal charges? His former lawyer went to jail, too! And then the president commutes their sentences, dangles pardons to keep them quiet, or tries to prevent them from cooperating with authorities? When he’s fined millions of dollars for illegally using his charity as a slush fund? When he cheats on his taxes? When he helped his parents avoid taxes, too? I remember you once told me the story of a police officer in your department who was caught filling up his personal car with gas paid for by the city. The problem, you said, wasn’t just the mistake. It was that when he was confronted by it, he lied. But the cameras showed the proof and so he was fired, for being untrustworthy most of all. Would you fire Trump if he worked for you? What kind of culture do you think your work would have had if the boss acted like Trump? As for the lying, that’s the craziest part, because we can, as the kids say, check the receipts: Was it bad enough to call John McCain a loser? Yes, but then, of course, Trump lied and claimed he didn’t. Bad enough to cheat on his wife? Yes, but of course, he lied about it, and committed crimes covering it up (which he also lied about). Was it bad enough to solicit help from Russia and Wikileaks in the election? Yes, but then he, his son, and his campaign have lied about it so many times, in so many forums, that some of them went to jail over it. Was it stupid that, in February, Trump was tweeting about how Covid-29 was like the flu and that we didn’t need to worry? Yes, but it takes on a different color when you listen to him tell Bob Woodward that in January he knew how bad it was, how much worse it was than even the worst flu, and that he was deliberately going to downplay the virus for political purposes. I’m sure we could quibble over some, but The Fact Checker database currently tallys over 20,000 lies since he took office. Even if we cut it in half, that’s insane! It’s impossible to deny: Trump lied, and Americans have died because of it. A friend of mine had a one-on-one dinner with Trump at the White House a while back. It was actually amazing, he said. Half the evening was spent telling lies about the size of his inaugural address. This was in private — not even for public relations purposes, and years after the controversy had died down. That’s when he realized: The lying is pathological. It can’t be helped. Which is to say, it makes a person unfit to lead. Politics should not come before family. I don’t want you to think this affects how I feel about you. But it does make it harder for us to spend time together — not just literally so, since Trump’s bumbling response to the pandemic has crippled America and made travel difficult. It’s that I feel grief. I feel real grief — were the lessons you taught me as a kid not true? Did you not mean them? Was it self-serving stuff to make sure I behaved? Was I a fool for listening? Or is it worse, that my own father cares more about his retirement accounts — and I’ll grant, the runup of the market has been nice for me, too — than the future he is leaving for his children? Are you so afraid of change, of that liberal boogeyman Limbaugh and Hannity and these other folks have concocted, that you’d rather entrust the country to a degenerate carnival barker than anyone else? I see all this anger, what is it that you’re so angry about? You’ve won. Society has worked for you. My own success is proof. So what is it? Because it can’t possibly be that you think this guy is trustworthy, decent, or kind. It’s definitely not about his policies… because almost every single one is anathema to what Republicans — and you — have talked about my entire life. The one thing I hold onto is hope. I believe in America. I believe in the goodness of hardworking people like you and Mom. I know that this is not what you wanted to happen, that this is not the America you grew up in nor the one you would like for me and my kids to grow up in. I hold onto hope that you’re tired enough to draw the line. That you are not irredeemable as that Trump advisor allowed himself to become. The right thing is always the right thing, you’ve said. Even when it’s hard. Even when it goes against what your friends think, or what you’ve done in the past. The right thing is obviously to end this. To cancel this horrendous experiment with its cavalcade of daily horrors and vulgarities and stupidities and historical humiliations. America is a great nation. …

[heartwoodtree01]

What You Need To Know About Pruning Bonsai Trees

Tips on Exactly How to Build a Tree House

There are pieces of equipment that can be considered important, when you are thinking about professional tree surgical treatment. The tree surgeon need to have accessibility to a stump grinder for stump removal, a skid loader or 4x4 tractor for clearing as well as moving particles, a log truck with cable for relocating large logs, as well as cranes or container vehicles for lifting and also reaching limbs that are hanging over houses. Without proper equipment, it can be difficult to complete particular elements of this kind of procedure, relying on the scenarios. There are some people that will certainly have discerning tree removal and others might make use of professional tree removal to change untaught land right into a beautiful, natural building site.

In the 19th century, pine tree farmers noticed that the sap from evergreen could be collected and condensed with several bi-products that could be similarly marketed, making the "tree sap boom" so successful. http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection&region=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/tree trimming Material oil might be considered coughing, and also scratchy throat, and also some soaps, as well as glues were additionally refined, with turpentine as the key bi-product. Evergreen additionally started to be collected around this time on a commercial level ravaging forests to make paper, and build houses.

A Great Tree House Experience

The chinese elm tree, ulmus parvifolia, is understood for its fast growth to provide fast color. The chinese elm is among the easiest shade trees to transplant and can grow over 6 feet in one year if cared for properly. The american hophornbeam, carpinus caroliniana, is an under-planted color tree that, throughout the fall leaf change, glows brightly in yellow-gold shades. The hairless cypress tree, taxodium distichum, is an exceptional clean color tree commonly adjusted to grow well on a range of soil types. The hairless cypress leaves do transform yellow briefly in the fall, however the bald cypress small leaf size requires no raking. The fish pond cypress shade tree, taxodium ascendens, is a great tree to grow around pond-houses as well as wetland yards, but need to not generally be grown in well drained locations. The fish pond cypress roots increase from the water, swollen and large and are called cypress knees.

Ask how many employees a tree company has. Because tree work is very dangerous, and also takes special ability, it is vital that the right people are there to do the job right. Who desires an amateur or inexperienced worker taking down a huge oak tree over their house? not me! a good and credible tree company need to contend least a couple of top climbers with over 2 years experience in large removals. A company like jl tree service inc has over 18 top tree mountain climbers with many years of experience in large eliminations and crane removals, 3 certified arborists & 1 certified safety pro on staff - this is what you wish to search for.

If you are not experienced with tree climbing spikes, after that you certainly should opt for long spikes. They will help you in climbing trees in the thickest range. Tree climbing spikes comes in different varieties and also designs to cater for a man or women's selection. It is vital to get safe climbing spikes which make the task of climbing a tree less of a difficulty. There are many great things about climbing spikes. You need to analyze the requirements you have as well as require time web the best kind gotten in touch with tree climbing spikes to your needs.

Reasons to Get a Cat Tree House

One of the most important reasons why you need a tree service is since it promotes safety. Some trees have a tendency to grow as high as your house as well as a few of the branches end up being vulnerable and can trigger crashes. They can also damage some of your residential or commercial properties in case a tropical cyclone or hurricane hits your town. Having a tree service lessens the risk of having any accident. Service providers likewise make sure that your trees are safe to technique or are planned for any kind of natural calamity by ensuring that they do regular branch eliminations, tree-trimming or perhaps safeguarding the trees themselves.

There are a lot more reasons behind hiring a tree service supplier, yet the ones discussed above are the most important and also ones. A healthy tree uplifts the beauty of a house, yet when it is out of shape or diseased, it presents potential danger. Hiring a reputable tree company in your neighborhood is the only method to insure that your home stays beautiful as well as free from risks connected to trees.

An additional important point to seek in a certified tree care company is that the company is fully insured with workers settlement and also obligation insurance. The tree company need to have a minimum of 1,000,000 each incident and 2,000,000 general accumulation for general obligation, and 500,000 for workers settlement. It is not wise for a resident to hire a tree service that is not insured for lots of reasons, the most important is - do you value your house, cars and truck, as well as belongings? if so, after that make sure to hire a company that is fully insured!.

Cat Tree House - What is Available For Your Kitty Cat?

Beyond of our arena we have all the brand-new fake trees. Well they are really not that brand-new. Actually in 1901, theodore roosevelt tried to stop utilizing live trees and find alternatives for the white house. There are all sort of options to choose from today. Most typically plastics are made use of but you can additionally find trees made from paper, wood, and also metal. There are even some glass ones available. An advantage of these trees is that unless you break them they can be made use of year after year and also can still be enhanced up. It is additionally more difficult for these trees to capture on fire. In addition to this; they will not bungle your house by shedding pine needles everywhere. There are some drawbacks of having a fake tree. One was pointed out already; they can break or discolor in color gradually. When they do break or break an additional also worse problem is produced. These made to help save the setting by not cutting down trees items wind up in the very place we are trying to fill up much less. The land fill; as well as unlike their live counterparts these trees do not bio weaken extremely well. Besides that though a fake tree can be a great setting savor and a true blessing to your pocket book as a result of it's life span compared to a real tree.

It is that time of year when several households will certainly be preparing to install their xmases trees. Everything begins either by obtaining your tree out of the attic room or storage place, or going and also picking out the perfect tree from a tree farm or local store. No matter which method you start with, if you have a cat or two in the house you need to consider a couple of potential dangers when preparing this annual routine.

As soon as you have your tree up and decorated it is now the moment to become imaginative in maintaining your kitty far from the tree to maintain your decorations safe from its curiosity. There are a couple of things that you can try to keep your cat far from the tree. You can place foil or more sided tape around the tree, they do not such as the feeling of it and will often times stay away. Another strategy to try is to place citrus skins or fresheners around the tree; pet cats do not such as the odor of citrus and also will stay away. You can additionally spray your cat with water each time it tries to obtain near to the tree and it will certainly quickly keep away. I have actually found that using the canteen to be one of the most effective and simplest for me to do. Attempt every one and also find one that will help you and also your cat.

Dog Houses - There Are Options to Go With Tree Houses

Pine trees are likewise useful shade trees for houses as well as landscape yards. Such perennial shrubs as camellia japonica and azalea shrubs must have year round shade for proper flowering. The camellia shrub and the azalea plant will certainly endure just on unusual events if planted in the full sun. The dogwood as well as redbud trees benefit from evergreen color where they flower generously. The cherry laurel tree, laurocerasus caroliniana ait, is an evergreen shade tree that is covered with great smelling white flower clusters in march. The cherry laurel tree is a rapid growing tree, in some cases growing 6 feet each year. Eucalyptus trees, eucalyptus cinerea, are evergreen shade trees, but the 'silver buck' eucalyptus tree typically is limited to planting in the cozy temperatures of areas 8-11. The exceptional menthol scent of all parts of the eucalyptus tree makes it especially preferable where smog and various other air contamination is problematic. The loblolly bay tree, gordonia lasianthus, is commonly called the loblolly bay magnolia tree, and also the flower fragrance, white shade, and form resemble a small flower bloom of the magnolia.

[sincerity]

Personal shit, The Handmaid’s Tale, and Accepting How Things Are

I gotta get some thoughts out, and Tumblr is the best place to do it. This is gonna be scattered, and personal, and probably make me sound like an insane person.

So watching “The Handmaid’s Tale” is even more terrifying than reading the book. Actually seeing everything happening, plus the addition of a few things that make perfect sense, is horrifying. The scenes in the present day are especially awful - the scene with Moira and June at the coffeeshop, and PARTICULARLY the scene where Moira delivers an eerie monologue about how this all started to June’s husband Luke.

It’s no surprise that I’m a feminist. It’s no surprise that I sure as fuck didn’t vote for Donald fucking Trump. It’s no surprise that I sobbed when Hilary Clinton conceded the election - not because my preferred candidate didn’t win, but out of fear. Fear for my freedom of my female body, my freedom to love whomever I choose, my freedom as the daughter of an immigrant.

So let’s go into the past a little. My mom and dad divorced when I was young. I was never close to my mom growing up, and only in the past few years has she become my best friend, my biggest supporter, my biggest source of stability. I was always closer to my dad. He didn’t raise me with any strict gender roles or religion, I was free to do as I chose. My interests were music, reading, video games, watching sports. I didn’t wear dresses unless I had to. I talked back to anyone who I felt was disrespecting me - even if that meant talking back to my own father, and he was proud of me for that.

Or so I thought. Maybe he even was at the time, but something in him changed. It was a slow change, very gradual. It started with him telling me I should let guys win at darts or pool if I was on a date in my early 20s, when any victory I got against him at chess as a kid had to be earned. It grew from that to him scoffing when I would go to Planned Parenthood for my yearly “well-woman” exams, and saying that the people screaming at me and spitting on me for being a baby killer were just expressing their constitutional rights. Then he questioned Javier, the man who has been his landscaper since I was 12, demanding to see his legal immigration papers and all of those of his employees. He complained that I didn’t go to church, and when I said I wasn’t Christian, he complained that I had no religion at all (which I don’t, it’s not like he wasn’t acknowledging any other religion or anything at least).

Then my dad got sick. Really sick. He’d been sick since 2010, but in the last few years it’s gotten worse, and finally he was diagnosed with stage 5 kidney disease and put on dialysis after spending a month and a half in the hospital, and another month in a long term acute rehab facility to regain his strength. I had more compassion for him at this time, I tolerated it quietly. I did not persist, even as my anger at the political landscape grew. I fought with people who refused to listen to my beliefs, who insisted I was wrong, and my dad actually supported this - he even called out a cousin of his who said that I was “disrespecting” him. He was confused as to why. I loved that for once, he was on my side. It reminded me of when I was a kid, when he was always on my side, when he pulled me out of school for the day because I got sent to the principal’s office for reading “Jurassic Park” when I was 9.

I was getting closer to my mom then. She always listened to me vent about my dad, never speaking ill of him, saying he was sick, and getting older, and that I should be patient with him. I listened to her. Meanwhile, my dad would always say things like “I could tell you things about your mother that would make you never want to speak to her again” if I ever brought her up. I learned not to talk about my mother with him. I learned to stay silent. I learned all those lessons that are usually taught to little girls - be nice, stay quiet, don’t get angry - the lessons he never taught me as a kid, but were teaching me in my third decade of life.

It started to come to a head when I argued with family. My dad’s side of the family is very conservative. They believe Planned Parenthood are baby killers who sell baby parts. They believe in the Christian God and that other religions are wrong. They believe gay marriage shouldn’t be legal. It surprised me. My family had always seemed quite tolerant, but with the election of a president who outwardly talks about sexually assaulting and objectifying women, erecting a wall to keep out “undesireables”, and banning people of an entire religion from America, their true colors emerged. I removed several of them from my friends list on Facebook, and was actually blocked by two cousins I had always liked. 

My anxiety rose, a combination of the political landscape and the stresses of school and taking care of my dad. I went back on my medication. I scheduled an appointment with a new therapist. I felt like I was going to get better, but the panic attacks continued and worsened. One morning, I had an attack. I don’t drive when I take a Xanax, because it makes me drowsy and I’m already anxious about driving sometimes. I was supposed to take my dad to the doctor that day. I was too scared to call him, afraid of him screaming at me and making my anxiety worse. My fiance, my wonderful, loving, supportive fiance, advised me to call my mom. My mom would know what to do. 

I called her. She told me, once I could get the words out through my tears and staggered breathing, that she would take care of it - she would call my dad for me, and she would call me back. Twenty minutes later, she called back. She said, “You don’t have to worry about taking him today or any more. Call me back later, once you’ve gotten some more rest, and we’ll talk about what happened.”

Later that afternoon, I called her. She told me that at the end of the conversation, my dad said “I guess I don’t have a daughter anymore.” Bolstered by the courage and bravery that somehow always lives in me even in my lowest moments, I asked her, “Why did you leave when you and dad got divorced? Dad always said that you said ‘you can have her, I don’t want her.’”

My mom didn’t get mad. She laughed. She laughed for a solid minute. She said “Honey. You were born in 1985 in Las Vegas. If I didn’t want you, I would have just had an abortion. I left because it was easier for YOU. You wouldn’t have to change schools or homes, everything could stay the same if I just left.”

My mom knows that if I ever find out she’s lied to me, I won’t hesitate to cut her out of my life. She’s not bitter that I didn’t feel the same way about my dad, she understands. She says it was her mistake, for not trying more with me when I was younger. She accepts responsibility for her actions.

This was in early March. I haven’t spoken to my dad since, but watching “The Handmaid’s Tale” brings back lots of thoughts of my dad. I feel like this is the world he wants now. He wouldn’t mind if the crazy religious right took over the country. He wouldn’t mind if his own daughter was sent to be a Handmaid (for the record, I would rather die).

It’s a slow journey to insanity. It starts small, with acceptances of “how things are”. Never accept it. Don’t accept subpar treatment. Expect the best for yourself and everyone, and don’t accept it when people abuse you, or create unjust laws in a free America. Don’t accept it when you see a truck full of white men with a Confederate flag on it rip off a woman’s hijab (I reported their license plate to the police and helped the woman). Don’t accept it when a man grabs your ass on the train unapologetically (I punched him in the dick).

It goes beyond obvious things like that. “The Handmaid’s Tale” is proof. Don’t accept it when people say “this will pass”. Don’t accept it when bills are brought that infringe on people’s rights - not just yours, but anyone’s. This is America. This is a free land. We have the freedom to be who we want to be, provided we don’t harm others.

Start a revolution. Fight. March. Protest. Scream your beliefs from the rooftops, damn the consequences.Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

[generalstardust]

Fic prompt - Jyn hasn't eaten a proper meal at a table since her father was taken away so her sense of manners and social etiquette are severely lacking. While Leia has grown up in royalty all her life and has been taught since a young girl how to dress well and act proper around people. when the two eat together it's an awkward mix of two very different eating styles!

Ooookay. Here we go. This gave me a surprising amount of feels and inspiration. I actually had an idea for a whole other sequence, but it was already getting long. So when I put it on AO3, I may add a second part. Maybe. Damn, you give really good prompts. I hope you like this! ********One of thethings Leia loved most about the Rebellion, was the truly expansivecross-section of beings, cultures, and backgrounds that had come together undera common cause. Every being had a story, a reason why they fought; and everysingle one was different, special. Every one meant something. But, as much asit inspired her, drove her to defend every last one of them, she could admitthat, on an interpersonal level, that beautiful diversity could cause problems.For the most part, the clashes were small. Misunderstandings were eventuallysmoothed out, and the beings involved often learned something they’d neverconsidered before. As a fond, and sometimes nervous observer of theseinteractions, Leia was embarrassingly unprepared when she found herself in justsuch a situation.  

Sincemeeting her in the aftermath of Scarif and the Death Star’s destruction, Leiafound herself gravitating towards Jyn Erso. It started in the simplest ways,her eyes finding her the moment she entered a room, standing next to her duringbriefings and sharing whispered comments, and just generally being aware of herpresence in an abstract way that she couldn’t quite explain. She felt connectedto her in a way that she’d never felt before; in a way that frightened her morethan Vader or the Empire ever could.

 Due to thechaos recent events had thrown the Rebellion into, the first time they shared ameal was actually several weeks after they’d met, their schedules never quitecoinciding over mealtimes. Leia had found Jyn in the mess hall, and gestured herover to her own table. She had just taken a sip of water when Jyn sank into theseat across from her and practically attacked her food. Her whole body sort ofhunched over it, one arm curling around her plate defensively, and Leia couldjust catch the glint of what she thought might be a fork clenched in her fistlike a weapon. She ate so quickly, Leia was sure she would choke, shovelingbite after bite into her mouth and barely chewing. It was a little disgusting,if she was honest, but she was too shocked to care. Jyn was finished in barelya minute, and only then did she relax and straighten up, smiling at Leia. Thesmile fell almost immediately, and Leia knew the look on her face wasn’tanything good. She hadn’t moved, either, in the short time it had taken Jyn toinhale her food. She was staring at her, frozen, her cup still halfway to herlips. Jyn scowled.

 "What?“Leia set hercup down with perhaps too much force, the water inside sloshing against thesides.

 “I –nothing, it’s just-“ she stumbled over herself, trying to salvage some shred ofcomposure. Her reaction had been horribly rude. Jyn didn’t give her time torecover herself. She stood up so abruptly, her chair squealed awfully againstthe floor.

“Excuse me,Your Highness, if I upset your royal appetite,” she snarled. She waspractically bristling like an enraged cat, but Leia could see the hurt and shameunderneath it. Immediately, she knew she had made a terrible mistake. She feltsick, a pit opening inside her stomach. She stood, too, and reached for Jyn.

“Jyn, wait-“but Jyn had spun on her heel and marched out of the mess hall, not sparing asingle glance back.  Leia didn’teven wait five minutes before practically bolting to find Cassian, her own mealforgotten on their abandoned table.

 But what Cassian told her only made herfeel more disgusted with herself than before. She should have seen it! Jyn hadn’thad a proper home or family since she was nine years old. After that, she’dgrown up with Saw’s rebels until they abandoned her. Then, things had onlygotten worse. Cassian had extracted her from an Imperial prison, after all. Everythingmade sense. Not just the lack of table manners, but the aggressive, defensiveway she held herself while she was eating. Even the improvised weapon. She hadeaten like it was going to be taken away because, for most of her life, thatwas true. Leia had always prided herself on not allowing her royal upbringingto hinder her relationships with people. But she had just done exactly that. 

After their disastrousdinner together, there were no more casual brushes of shoulders or whisperedwords or even nods from across the room. Jyn treated Leia with cold animosity,when she acknowledged her at all.  Theloss left Leia strangely bereft. She was used to pushing people away, it washer natural defense mechanism; but to be on the other side of it was awful. Andit, all of it, had been her fault. So, she decided firmly, it was up to her tomend it.

 Afterseveral days of being unable to catch Jyn in the mess hall – Leia was sure Jynwas intentionally avoiding her now – Leia knew it was time for grand gestures. Shewent to the mess hall, carefully filling two plates with food that was easilychewed and would be difficult to choke on. When she reached for utensils, herhand hovered uncertainly for only a moment before she snatched up an extrafork. Then, balancing a tray crammed with two plates, two cups, and a fewassorted extra dishes, she marched halfway across the base to Jyn’s quarters.

 When shearrived, she was careful to mimic the soft knock she had seen Bodhi use; knowingthat if she rapped on the door with her usual abrupt efficiency, Jyn would knowit was her and probably refuse to answer the door. Sure enough, hardly a fewseconds had passed before the door slid open.

“Hey, Bodhi,what-“ Jyn’s voice broke off abruptly when her eyes landed on Leia. Her facehardened, and Leia could practically see her walls shoot up. Leia promptlystuck her foot in front of the door sensor to keep it from closing.

 “Wait! Jyn,please listen to me.” Jyn crossed her arms over her chest and raised hereyebrows in a ‘go on then’ kind of way. Leia took a deep breath. Apologies werenot something she was good at.

“The way Ireacted when we ate together was unacceptable. I apologize, Jyn, for evermaking you feel inferior or…whatever it is my behavior made you feel. That wasnot my intention at all. Jyn…I’m sorry.” Jyn was still regarding her coolly,but the tense rigidity of her stance had ebbed away at Leia’s words. 

“Not all ofus were raised as royalty, Princess.” Her words were not biting this time, onlya statement with the barest hint of resentment. That, Leia could work with. Sheforged ahead, her heart racing with nerves and anticipation. 

What in thegalaxy was it about Jyn Erso that made this so important?

 “I knowthat. And I know that table manners and etiquette were next to useless to youwhen you were growing up. Survival was what mattered.” Jyn nodded, a sharp jerkof her head. Her childhood was not something she talked of often, Leia knew.She raised the tray in front of her like an offering.

“I broughtdinner.” Jyn regarded her, an odd expression on her face.

“That’senough for two people.”

“Veryobservant, Sargent Erso.”

“Are we…eatingtogether?” Leia just knew Jyn was thinking of the almost green look on her facethe last time they’d shared a meal.

“Yes. Weare,” she answered firmly.

 “Alrightthen.” Jyn ushered her inside and over to her bunk. Leia set the tray down andthey arranged themselves on the mattress, the tray between them. Silently, Leiadivided the food and utensils between them and hastily took a bite. She felt itwas important for her to start eating first. It was almost absurd the amount ofthought she’d put into this. Jyn frowned at the two forks beside her plate.

“Why do Ihave a second fork?” Leia just shrugged at her, pretending to be busy chewing.A soft, surprised smile pulled at the corners of Jyn’s lips. Her left armcurled around her plate, the extra fork held loosely in her hand. But themuscles in her arm were relaxed. Leia felt warm all over.

 Jyn ate justas quickly and sloppily as she had that first time but, this time, Leia didn’tbat a single royal eyelash. When she was done, Jyn talked to her while Leiafinished her own food. Just like that, it was like nothing had happened betweenthem. Jyn was free with her smiles and that loud, bubbling laugh that Leiafound herself craving.

 After that,sharing meals in Jyn’s room became a habit of theirs. And slowly, with gruffshyness at first, Jyn began to ask Leia questions.

 What was the proper way tohold a fork? 

Why was it considered rude to lean over your plate? 

Why in allseven hells were there more than one kind of spoon?

They atetogether in the mess hall as well, usually with the other members of Rogue Oneor Han and Luke and Chewie. Jyn’s manners improved gradually, although she wasstill taut as a drawn cable until her food was gone. Once, Han – being, well,Han – had leaned over and snatched something off her plate. Leia was the onlyone not surprised in the least when he received a fork through his hand. She hadeven snorted into her cup at the expression on his face. The poor man (he’ddeserved it, though) seemed more shocked than anything else. Though, he wasclearly in a considerable amount of pain. What wasn’t amusing at all was howwhite Jyn had gone, eyes wide and glazed. She’d shoved her chair back and leftbefore anyone could stop her. No one saw her again for hours.

 Leia spentnearly an hour after her shift was over searching the base for her. By the timeshe dragged herself back to her own quarters, she was exhausted and worriedhalf out of her mind about Jyn. The look on her face….Leia couldn’t shake theimage. Han wasn’t upset, not at all. If anyone could understand, it was him.But Jyn would never know that if no one could find her. 

Wearily,Leia swiped her hand over the sensor to activate the door and nearly collapsed insurprise. Jyn was sitting on Leia’s bunk, her knees pulled against her chest,staring at the wall. Slowly, she turned her head to Leia. Her eyes were dry, notrace of the tears Leia had halfway expected. But the blankness in them wasalmost worse. But her eyes weren’t quite blank, Leia realized as she crossedthe small space between them to ease onto the bed beside Jyn. They were lost.Like she was adrift in space without another soul for lightyears. Then sheleaned her head against Leia’s shoulder, her body sort of folding against Leia’s.

 “How’s hishand?” the question was soft, barely above a whisper.

“His hand isfine, Jyn. You know, I’ve wanted to stab him myself three times in the lastweek alone.” Jyn laughed, surprised and quick, but a laugh all the same. Leiasmiled at the wall and rested her cheek against Jyn’s hair. There was a certainscent that always clung to Jyn, in her hair, on her clothes; and Leia couldnever quite pin down what it was. It reminded her of space and the thrum of danger,of starships and the first embers of hope just on the edge of becoming flames.It reminded her of joy and warmth and loss. It reminded her of Alderaan.

“Bet he won’tever try to steal from me again,” Jyn remarked. The lost blankness was fadingaway, almost like it had never been there, and there was a wicked smirk curlingthe edges of her mouth. Leia grinned.

“Like he hasthat much sense.” Jyn snorted and nestled just a little closer into Leia’sside. 

 Jyn Erso smelled like stardust. 

[wingsonghalo]

you know, when we were kids, it used to be so easy to make friends. spend enough time around people in school, share enough interests, laugh at enough of the same stupid things, and bam, you had friends. it used to be so simple. EVERYTHING used to be so simple. it was okay if you hated a certain subject; it only would last for a semester. it was okay if you didn’t get the lead in the play; there would be tryouts next year.

it was okay if you had a falling-out with your friends, because they couldn’t REALLY leave you. you’d still see them at school. you’d make up, eventually. things would get smoothed over.

but it’s not like that when you’re an adult. every relationship you have is a choice. you can choose how much influence your parents have over your decisions. you can make the choice to pursue a different career if your current one is not helping you reach your full potential. you can choose whether or not to really open up to someone, or just laugh at stuff together and talk about fandoms. you can choose whether your romantic relationship suits your goals for the future.

apparently, you can also decide that a friend you’ve had since you were a teenager is just too much trouble to keep anymore.

when did something like that become acceptable, even thinkable? when does a person decide that another person sharing their fears and flaws with you and thanking you for listening is just too large a burden to bear? when does just sharing enough interests and laughing at the same stupid things become insufficient as the basis of a friendship? why is the criteria different from when we were teenagers?

(dear god, has it really been that long since i was a teenager? i swear that it was just a little while ago i was looking in the mirror and seeing a teenager look back at me)

you can go years, decades even, thinking you know a person and trusting them and thinking “it’s okay to let down my guard. it’s okay if i tell this person, just this person, what i really think.” you can connect over not just things you love, but also things that annoy you, things that scare you, shared anxieties, shared misgivings about your future. you can spend many happy years exchanging gifts and smiles and playlists and memories, and thinking, “i’m gonna invite this person to my wedding!”

and then one day you can just suddenly find out that that person thinks you are emotionally manipulative, a guilt tripper, or worse. you can find out that a person is so relieved to remove you from their life, thinks of you as a shadow that they’ve been languishing in and could not escape. you can get a drunken phone call 4 days before christmas and get dumped in a way so much more brutal and heartbreaking than any romantic breakup has ever been. you can find out that you are the only friend from high school they decided was not worth the trouble.

what i don’t understand is, how can changes that are so gradual seem to happen so suddenly? why does it feel like you can be marching forward with a throng of allies but when you turn around you’re alone? why do people see opening up and talking about insecurities as a burden instead of a doorway to deeper understanding? why do the rules of life keep changing while i’m sleeping?

i’m not really sure why i’m posting this here. i’m sad and i’m scared and there’s a bitter taste in my mouth. think of this as a cry for help if you will, but mostly this is just a mirror for my own reflection.

sometimes the mirrors other people hold up reflect back a you that you don’t want to see--they are warped and ugly and unrecognizable, and you think, “dear god, do they really see me this way?” and you wonder if maybe they’ve just damaged their mirrors, or gotten them dirty, or are holding them wrong, or if anyone will ever just hold up a flat mirror because you don’t know what you look like anymore and there are too many goddamn mirrors everywhere.

so sometimes you gotta just look into your own mirror and just accept what’s staring back at you, even if it’s unclear and you take years to make sense of it.

[smartchurchblog-blog]

The 5 Factors Pastors Do Not Lead Their Churches

I understand this seems like an inverted subject but bear with me. Many senior priests throughout the nation have the title of Elderly Pastor/Leader however numerous do not have the authority to truly lead the churches they serve. The consequences of this absence of management at the regional church level are as well ruining to neglect.

  Lots of churches are run by superior pastor/leaders. Too many, nonetheless, waive management either as a result of the priest's own tendency to not lead or the church's propensity to take over management from them. Whichever the case, the church suffers.

  Here are the five (5) reasons senior pastors don't lead their churches.

  1. The board runs the show and the priest lets them.

2. The parish wants to elect on whatever as well as the priest lets them.

3. The team runs the show and also the pastor lets them.

4. Nobody runs the program as well as the pastor is one of the no ones.

5. The priest leads by consensus - takes a ballot on everything from everyone and also until everyone agrees.

  So which one are you? After you sufficiently get over the shock of thinking of on your own in one or more of these terms offer the following referrals your factor to consider in navigating to a greater degree of leadership in the church you offer.

  The board runs the show and also the pastor allows them.

  Moot: Typically the smaller sized the church the bigger the impact of a church board as well as its individual members. In the smaller church, the priest can often be seen as a "hireling." She or he is employed to preach, marry, bury, see the ill and also the senior and also go to every event as well as personal happening of everyone in the congregation.

  In way too many of these churches, the board directs the future of the church. Often, the board is the consent approving team for the pastor's vision. If an actual pastor/leader pertains to the church oftentimes a conflict takes place as to who is mosting likely to lead.

  OPTION: When this holds true the pastor/leader will likely be in for several show-downs with a board member or the entire board. I certainly recommend you identify this on the front-end. However, if you discover it after you are onboard you must set the record right regarding who will lead. Be sensible but move forward.

  When the society has actually been consensus-building in nature, the sensible pastor/leader will certainly take his time rectifying just how the elderly pastor's management is seen. The pastor/leader needs to spend time re-educating the board and congregation on the issue of management.

  Several board participants more than happy to have an actual leader progression. Those who are not will certainly not last lengthy on your board. Do not spoil controlling board participants. If they cannot comprehend that the church will not expand unless the elderly pastor leads, then they will need to tip aside. This will be extremely confrontational. If you can face and also win, then your management is being obtained with respect. If you can not, then you will certainly not be able to make the adjustments required to move the church ahead. You will either be asked to leave or you will certainly sit and stagnate.

Livestream Church

My idea is that you select your time, face the critics to your leadership and also neighborhood clear as well as concise leadership. It had much better be you!

  The parish wants to elect on every little thing and also the priest allows them.

  Moot: The stronger the congregational type of government the tougher it is for the church to grow. The members comes to be the ludicrous extreme of a committee-driven church. When the congregation requires to elect on every little thing from the shade of carpeting to whether to alter the prayer area right into a junior high game room, the church is slated for no growth and also decrease.

  SOLUTION: When you face the congregational management model, you require to gradually start turning the ship by beginning to choose yourself. When you do that initially, start communicating to the congregation of your activities in a growth-excitement fashion, keeping them fully in the loop to ensure that they feel much less a sense of "we are not electing any longer" to "we still are hearing the within scoop on decisions." This may take place for a couple of months until such factor that the parish sees that the choices that rise from your office are excellent ones which the church is expanding. If you have this congregational design at your church, begin turning it to the growth-oriented model. If you do not have the congregational version, do not let it begin. You are the leader. Imitate it.

  The staff runs the program as well as the priest allows them.

  Moot: Several team churches appear like a senior priest's dream-come-true. When the best team remains in location and also the senior priest leads it can be a dream-come-true. Nonetheless, in a lot of cases the senior priest is so bent on creating a collegial relationship with staff the elderly pastor surrenders their responsibility to lead. Likely, the team has actually been built with some very strong leaders. When that holds true, the staff starts to step up and also lead in the lack of the elderly priest's leadership.

  SOLUTION: When a new pastor enters into a society with an existing staff the priest has the possibility to find out new individuals while trying to show his very own management. Never should a priest, whether brand-new or entrenched, surrender his duty to lead. Sadly, there are personnel who construct coalitions of people around them. They look for opportunities to lead. The pastor/leader should obtain buy-in from his partners on the group while never ever releasing the senior leadership obligations. If the pastor/leader has already allowed this to happen they should start to transform that around by gradually and purposely interacting the designated management style to the present team. The pastor/leader can not be seen as an oppressor but he should interact that input is important from personnel. Nonetheless, at the end of the day regardless of the choice or instructions, the team must coalesce behind the senior pastor/leader. This leader gains buy-in and then marches and leads.

  No one runs the program and also the pastor is one of the no ones.

  Moot: This is one of the saddest scenarios. The church is on autopilot with everyone, including the senior pastor, taking turns being cozy as well as friendly with every person. Nobody challenges anyone or anything. No one leads. The senior pastor does whatever by making sure every person enjoys and that no one ever before obtains distressed. Nobody leads which consists of the senior pastor.

  SERVICE: When this holds true the pastor/leader need to begin to tip up and also make decisions. This leader can not be tentative in his choices even if he really feels tentative. The advantage is that since no person has actually been leading, simply the reality that somebody is tipping up to lead typically is gotten well. Absolutely nothing is worse than no management from anyone. The pastor/leader can not be seen as just an additional "nobody" resting by enjoying nothing occur. Make a little choice and after that stand by it. Then make another one ... and an additional one ... as well as one more one. Inevitably you will certainly be able to make a bigger choice and also it will stand as well as be good for the church. If you obtain resistance to this technique after that there truly is another person (likely a present or board participant) functioning in a passive leadership role. You require to figure out whom that another person is and implemented the aspects we spoke of about board management of the church.

  The pastor leads by agreement - takes a ballot on every little thing from everyone and also up until everyone agrees.

  At Issue: The elderly pastor is the utmost agreement building contractor. He takes a vote essentially or figuratively on whatever. The elderly priest blunders "gaining buy-in" for "consensus building." They are extremely, really different.

  REMEDY: Quit trying to build agreement as well as begin getting buy-in. Agreement building waters every decision to the most tasty degree for the most affordable level leader. Buy-in has solid team leaders hearing, understanding, testing, disputing and getting into the pastor/leader's vision or readjusted vision. When that vision or decision is flawed the clever pastor/leader does not dig their heels in, instead, retrenches as well as moves out once more with an also much better vision, plan and/or strategy for the future.

  Strong pastor/leaders must concern grasps with the difference in between consensus structure and also the production of buy-in. When buy-in achieves success, the church has the best capacity for incremental and then ultimately exponential development.

  At the end of the day, it is important that the elderly pastor have the ability to lead which he does so. Also, for a church to grow, it needs to have strong elderly management. Churches that do not expand have actually dropped prey to one of the five reasons.

  Senior Pastor, it is your work to lead. Mitigate the reasons as articulated over. If you have others in your church society mitigate those also. The stakes are too expensive for you to just rest by and also remain with the status quo. Your objective is the best on the planet. Act like it and lead your church.

  If you stop working at this job the church loses. If the church intends to shed, after that shake the dirt off your feet and move on. Do not cop out to this however where the entrenchment of leadership besides the elderly priest exists the church does not have vision. We all know what occurs when there is not vision. But don't fail to remember, when you lead there may be fireworks yet if you are still standing at the end of the discussion, the Kingdom success.

  Do whatever you can to eliminate these reasons from your church society. When you do, the kingdom will win!

  Cock Hardy is the Owner as well as Head Of State of The Hardy Group, an Executive Consulting firm for elderly pastors of churches. Every little thing yet teaching is his style. Handling right stuff that keeps you up at night is his focus.

  Penis brings a riches of experience to the table for pastors when dealing with the difficult problems of the church relative to growth, organization, leadership, administration, as well as adjustment. His solution as Administrative Pastor at two mega churches and as Vice President at a front runner partisan Scriptures college makes him a resource your church will wish to preserve. Penis is also offered to act as an audio speaker on this subject and much more.

[clamonnaturalhealth]

Multiple Sclerosis Major Improvement

this is from friend that has adult MS, she bought a bottle about 5 days ago…….. Oh and by the way… We got in them drops last week and we both been taking them twice a day now for about 5 days now… And it seems to be helping Heather… She was able to walk Walmart today better than she had been and she has been able to pretty much stop taking her moloxicam & neurotin…

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

From Jennifer

I just burned the heck out of my hand with a flat-iron while doing my hair. I put one drop of Hempworx on it and it stopped the burning immediately, and this is the Peppermint! I thought the Peppermint may make it hurt worse, but nope! I totally recommend this for something as simple as burns. It works! Update: No blister today!  Read on the rest of these testimonials are truly amazing, too!!!!! For more information or to place an order go HERE.

Susan shares:

Long testimony! I have suffered for 20 years from fibromyalgia, horrible headaches, super tight painful muscles, stiff joints, depression and anxiety. Most recently March 2016 I suffered a hip injury, started limping which caused greater trochanter bursitis, tendinitis, and I have been limping ever since. This caused problems with my SI joint, muscle spasms in my legs, and plantar fasciitis. I have gotten injections every 4 months just so I could continue working. My quality of life sucked because I was in so much pain. This wonderful woman ordered some CBD oil for me and told me to take it. It took me 4 days to try it and the only reason I did was because My pain kept me from sleeping and I could barely get out of bed. I started out with half a dropper full of 500 mg and It started working immediately! I could feel my muscles instantly relaxing. I’ve been taking half a dropper 2x a day for 2 weeks and I feel like a well oiled machine! I don’t have any joint pain at all and I feel like my whole body moves so smooth. I am not limping anymore and my plantar fasciitis is better. I don’t even think about taking my anxiety medicine because I feel so calm. My headaches are almost non existent and I can go for days without ibuprofen or Tylenol. I am in such a good mood because I feel great! This stuff is a miracle and I wish I would’ve found it sooner. All this stuff didn’t happen overnight..it happened gradually so give it time to work and take it consistently. Thank you God! CBD Oil Is it Legal? What is it? Will it Help Me?

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From Kelli:

HERE IS MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE::: Well, folks. Its been a week since i started giving Sierra the CBD OIL in place of her 20 mg Adderall 3X daily. I guess i should start this by telling you all that Sierra has ADD/ADHD/ & ODD. While the pills do work, they have horrible side effects, such as thoughts of suicide, depression, sleepiness,and not to mention the horrible mood swings, plus many more that i wont go into. Sierra isn’t quite 15 yet. She has always been on the Honers Roll and been a top student. However, she can sometimes be mean, both physically and emotionaly. I researched this product for months. After all, I was going to be giving it to my child. After seeing other parents sharing about the results that they were having i decided to give it a try. I absolutely HATE giving my child her prescribed medication almost as much as i hated the side affects it gave her. For the past week i have been giving Sierra 5 drops in the morning and 5 drops in the evening. I stopped the medication completely before doing this several days before hand. Her and i both noticed a difference on day 2!!! Not only did i not have to fight with her to take it, but she actually said, “Hey mom, do i take that calming oil again today?” That is NOT normal for her. Within just a cpl of days of taking this oil her mouthing and meaness has all but subsided. There is no more anxiety, her ADHD/ADD is non existant to those around her, and her ODD is nowhere in sight. I cannot tell you how happy I am that i gave this product a try. I am now taking it myself for my pain from my endometriosis and since i started taking it i haven’t taken any over the counter or prescribed meds for pain. I absolutely love this oil and i fell so very grateful that i was introduced to it. All You Need to Know About CBD and Anxiety (Infographic)

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Hey everybody!! I have something new to add….I started using hempworx for anxiety, depression and chronic pain. It has worked fabulously for all of those! I’ve been taking it for 2months and in that time it feels like my body has been refueled!! My pain, shaking, anxiety and depression have completely disappeared but never in a million years did I think it would do what it’s done for my skin!! Not only do I feel healthy but I look healthy too!! It has evened out my skin tone as well as diminish wrinkles!! Also, water is tasting exceptionally good and so is fruit!! It has revived cells that were inactive!!ive used all of the products now and my life as well as my outlook on life has completely changed!! Thank you to hempworx and all the helpful people involved!!! It’s truly amazing y’all!! I have started taking a dropper in the morning, half of a dropper in the middle of the day and a dropper in the evening! I feel wonderful!! I’ve been searching for this feeling for years and now I’ve found it!!

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From Christy: i have been taking the 500mg oil for just over 4 weeks. I have had great results with regaining my clarity, less anxiety, energy level is up, and fewer night sweats. I have also noticed how my finger nails have become harder and grow quicker AND my hair feels thicker and darker. Anyone else experiencing less gray?

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Hello. My name is Glenda. I’d like to share an experience that I haven’t seen here. Today is Tuesday. Sunday night I felt the manifestation of a cold sore, a fever blister, on my lip. I put a drop of HempWorx CBD oil on my lip before going to bed. Yesterday morning, the swelling had gone down and there was no pain. Another few drops throughout the day (maybe three total). Today, Tuesday, completely gone! I love this stuff! Thank you for being patient and showing me this marvelous product which I now share as well. Blessings to all.

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From Jenny .. “My personal testimony: In September of this year, I was about to marry the man of my dreams but my body was so uncooperative. I was on 14 different medications. I was chasing symptoms and side effects. I was miserable, stiff, and in pain all the time. I was about to get married and just barely even mobile. I did a lot of research on different brands. I finally decided to try Hempworx. I started with just 5 drops of 500mg 2x a day. I worked my way up to a full dropper 2x a day and decided to move up to the 750mg. It took some time to really feel a difference. It didn’t happen overnight. After about 3 weeks I started noticing that I was taking less pain medication so I cut down on the long-acting dose I was taking. Over that next week, I started cutting down on everything. Currently, I’m not on ANY extended release pain medication, no NSAIDS for inflammation, no sleep meds, no acid reflux meds. I take my Humira injection weekly and my 2 meds for diabetes and that is IT. From 14 meds down to 3 in a 3-month time frame. My advice to you? Be consistent. Give your body time to adjust to the changes. Don’t give up, you can and WILL feel better!” Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain, explained, Including CBD Oil

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  Last week, I followed my gut and took Ryan off ridalin, with his doctors consent. He would come home agitated and filled with anxiety and just did not want to be anywhere. No appetite which I was told was normal and loss of sleeping. Headaches and imagining bugs and over moody started to appear after being on it for 6 months BUT he was getting amazing results at school which is what I wanted. Don’t we all want that for our kids.

Last week I decided that was enough, I miss my boy, doing good in school wasn’t worth it. So I reached out and got some ordered. I talked to her back in September but it was working so I wasn’t completely on board just yet….I did my research. I thought it was illegal…BUT ITS NOT!!!! Look you the farm act, CBD oil does NOT have THC which is why you can buy it in Minnesota

The first day of switching with his new meds that aren’t a controlled substance and the oil, his body was adjusting….he did not have a good day. But Tuesday no note was sent home, his school work was done and he was his normal energetic self! The third day was the day it hit me, he got off the bus just tired and Hungary. He’s only in kindergarten, that’s a long day…..I listened to him complain, I put the drops under his tounge because he likes how it makes him feel and five minutes if that complete 360….we were talking about his school day and what he drew and my plans for the night which he didn’t fight me, he was just happy and calm I’m sharing my story because I know alot of children are affected with these controlled substances and it doesn’t have to!!! #cbdoil #itworks #miracledrug

No more Xbox or screens to just make it through the day!!! He’s just happy to be alive and around us again.

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For more information or to place an order go HERE.

DISCLAIMER: The information here is NOT medical advice. Do not institute any changes in your current health programs without consulting your Medical provider. For medical advice please consult your private physician or preferred health service provider.

DISCLAIMER: So as per FTC Regulations I would like to let you know that I do have affiliate links throughout this blog. The links provide me with a small percentage of commission but do not cost you anything extra. I (Elizabeth) is also a participant in multiple Affiliate Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking.

DISCLAIMER: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) considers non-THC based hemp products to be “food based” and therefore legal without a medical marijuana license.

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