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kenzies-love-stories · 1 year

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Oh come on Bella pt 5 (Felix Volturi X swan! reader)

An: Buckle up for this rollercoaster. I'm serious this is an emotional rollercoaster. Don't worry I will make sure the next part has more fluff than angst. I just couldn't help myself with this one. I needed to write this to get closure in my own way. I have to come to terms with the fact that my dad wants nothing to do with me anymore I didn't do anything wrong he's just a bit of a prick, I honestly should have known better. I spent most of my life without a father figure, I didn't need one then and don't need one now. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this. It is okay to cry too, I did while writing it.

pairing: Felix Volturi x Swan! reader

date posted:December 11th 2022

Word count: 3147

warning: mentions of death, Bella being Bella, Alice's the real MVP angst

Y/n Pov

Cold, no freezing, that’s all my body is feeling and it's not the comforting cooling sensation that rolls off my mate's body. This is a bone-chilling, toe-numbing cold, a temperature so cold that your body feels like it is on fire. Is my body on fire? No, but my skin is red and angry from my current atmosphere. How long have I been in the snow like this? An hour? A day? I can’t remember.

The last thing I remember is going hiking with Bella. I told her she was crazy for wanting to hike the mountain when there was a snowstorm but she didn’t listen and dragged me here anyway. Bella is she okay? Did she leave me behind? Is she sending help? God, I sure hope so, if I am up here in the snow like this I won’t survive. I try to move my legs only to regret it, my joints hurt from not being used for God knows how long. I move my shivering hands across the snowy ground looking for anything, food or my phone that would be useful to me during this time.

After feeling around, I feel a rectangular shape and I slowly bring it over my face pushing through the pain. I see that it is my now very cracked phone, please don’t be dead. I think to myself as I push the power button and to my surprise, it turns on. I go into my contacts to try and call Alice.

The phone rings as I bring it to my ear, once I hear the line click over, I quickly say before the person can talk, “A-Alice help, I can’t move.” I chatter out.

“Mi Amor, where are you?!?!” I hear the panicked voice of my mate on the other line.

“Fe? Why do you-” I feel myself start to pass out as the phone falls to the ground.

“Y/n! Y/N! SHIT, HANG ON MY DOVE, I’M ON MY WAY!” I hear the muffled voice of my mate before my eyes fall shut.

Bella’s Pov

“Alice, have you found her, if Felix finds out she’s missing we are all in trouble,” Esme states worriedly.

“Esme, we have the boys out looking for her, we are going to find her.” Rose tries to reassure her mother.

“It’s all my fault, I forced her to go on that stupid hike with me,” I state running my hands through my hair when I notice Alice’s eyes start to glaze over.

“Bella it’s not your fault,” Edward reassures me by pulling me into a hug.

“Alice, what do you see?” I ask her once she came too

“He knows and he is not happy, they will be here in less than 12 hours," Alice informs us.

“What does that mean for us?” I ask not really wanting to know the answer.

“Well Bella that means we have 12 hours to find y/n alive, if we don’t, we all die.” Alice pauses before continuing, “Bella you better hope she’s alive, you’re the one that left her behind.” I am in shock at the venomous tone that Alice has never used with me before.

I am about to defend myself when Alice and Jasper just walk away. I look at Edward with hurt in my eyes, “She’s just worried about her best friend, she knows it’s not your fault Bella.”

I just shake my head and let a few tears slip, “She is right though it is my fault, I wanted to go on that stupid hike and now we are all in danger with the Volturi, I should have listened to y/n.”

Felix Pov

I storm into the throne room on a mission, well it is soon to be a rescue mission, “Master’s I am sorry to interrupt but I have an Emergency back in Forks.” I blurt out as Aro looks worried and confused.

He walks over to me while holding out his hand to get a greater understanding of what is brewing in my mind. I feel Aro shuffling through my more recent thoughts until he lets go of my hand and takes a step back., “Felix you must leave at once.” Aro says before side-glancing at Marcus and Caius, “And take Demetri and Jane with you.” he says with a wave of his hand.

“Thank you, masters,” I say while running out of the throne room to grab my already-packed bag. I go to the common area to find Dem and Jane both reading. “You two grab your go bags, we have a rescue mission.”

Jane and Dem share looks of confusion before jumping up and running to their respective rooms. They meet me by the entrance of the hall. “What’s this about Felix?” Demetri asks

“Y/n,” I say while walking out of the castle.

I can hear them both gasp before they ran to the car waiting out front. We all sit in the back while the driver heads toward the airport. “Felix, what happened?” Jane asked.

“I’m not sure yet but I got a call from y/n, she sounded hurt. She thought she called Alice and asked for help.” I pause, “when I tried to get more information the line went dead before she could respond.” I feel my eyes fill with venom at the thought that my mate could be hurt.

“We will find her Felix,” Demetri says reassuringly. “I'll be able to start tracking her tenor as soon as we get on that plane.”

“The Cullens obviously can’t keep her safe, she’ll be coming home with us; she can finish her schooling in Volterra. “I say bitterly.

“What about her father? He’s not just going to let her leave Forks, she’s still in school.” Jane softly tries to reason.

“Fine she can stay in Forks but I can’t trust the Cullens. If she isn’t alive when I get there nothing will save the Cullen from me; they will no longer exist.” I say while bitterly looking out the window.

Alice’s POV

I am in the woods with Emmet and Jasper and we are trying to track down y/n. Bella and her had gone hiking when Bella decided to yell and it caused an avalanche; Bella then left without her sister. If my best friend doesn’t make it through this, I will never forgive Bella. I hear a faint heartbeat in the distance, “Emmet! Jas! This way!” I exclaim before taking off in that direction.

I see it first, my best friend unconscious in the snow. “Y/n/n!” I exclaim sprinting toward my best friend. When I get to her, I can see that her fingers and lips are blue, “Don’t worry Y/n/n I’m going to get you to Carlise.” I say and pick her up into my arms before sprinting off toward the house.

“Carlise! Get the blankets!” Jasper yells opening the door for me to get y/n into our house.

I take her to the living room and put her on the couch gently covering her with the blanket.

Carlise comes into the room, “Alice, bring her into this room.” I gently pick my best friend up and follow Carlise to one of the spare rooms in our house.

I put her down on the bed that has a heating blanket, “Alice, you change her into some of the spare clothes Bella brought, she needs to be changed out of her wet clothes.”

I start to dress my best friend in warm clothes when Carlise leaves the room, I then tuck her into bed and put the heated blanket on low so as to not shock her body. “Okay Carlise, she's ready,” I state and open the door to let him back in.

He comes in with an IV bag of fluid on its carrier. “She needs fluid and fast.” He sits down next to her bed and takes her left arm, after sterilizing everything, I watch him put the IV into her arm.

“Carlise, is she going to be, okay?” I ask as I watch him attach the patches that will measure her vitals.

He looks at the monitor, “Her vitals are low but I think you found her in time Alice. She just needs to rest.”

24 hours later

I have stayed in her room all night watching her making sure she is okay. Her vitals have started to go back to normal but she still hasn’t woken up yet. Carlise has also taught me how to change her IV bag to make sure she continues to get the right amount of fluid she needs. Her internal temperature has also been rising. I hope that it will go back to normal by the end of today.

I decided to not let Bella see her yet as it was her fault that she is there in the first place. Not only Felix but Demetri and Jane will be here in a little under six hours. I told Edward to keep Bella away from the house because he is beyond livid and rightfully so, in my opinion.

It is best that Bella and Edward are as far away from the house as possible because when Felix finds out the truth there is no saving them from his fury. I decide to get the room ready for Felix to stay with her. I know he will not want to leave her side until she is safe and woken up. I would not be surprised if he tries to take her back to Volterra with him.

Time skip

There is an aggressive knock on the door and dread fills my body as I know who is on the other side. I can most definitely assume that he is not happy. I quickly guide down the stairs and take an unneeded breath before I open the door to see the three Volturi guards' unamused faces. “Hello, Felix I hope your flight was well,” I state nervously trying to test the waters.

“Cut the shit, Alice! Where she is now?” Felix growls out

“She’s upstairs in stable condition.” I nervously say

“Send her down, NOW.” He demands

“I wish I could Felix, but unfortunately she has not woken up yet.”

“IS SHE TRANSITIONING ALICE TELL ME THE TRUTH!” he raises his booming voice.

“Felix, I can assure you she is still human, we just don’t know when she will wake up.”

“Take me to her now, please.” He says defeated but still angry. “I expect a full explanation of what happened too.”

“Of course,” I say while leading him up the stairs while Demetri and Jane stay behind downstairs.

I open the door to her room and let Felix enter it before I do. I stand back and watch as he walks over to where my best friend lies unconscious. His shoulders slump in sadness as he falls to his knees by her bed. He grabs her hand in both of his and rests his forehead on top of them after placing a kiss on her hand softly. I turn my back to give Felix a minute with his mate.

“Alice?” he softly calls, to which I turn around to see him already looking at me,” Can you stay? I would like to know what happened to her.”

I close the door behind me and walk over to the other side of her bed and move the chair to the side Felix was on. I place the chair down about six feet away from him and sit down before I start to talk. “Bella wanted to go hiking up in the mountains. They were at such a high elevation that there was snow and a decent amount of it. Y/n and Bella had apparently gotten into a verbal argument which led Bella to yell in frustration. Her yell caused an avalanche and the two were separated. Bella made it off the mountain with only a scratch and some bumps. We could not locate y/n for two days. I finally found her last night with Jasper and Emmett, she had been passed out when I got to her and she had hypothermia. When I brought her back, Carlisle said if she had been out there even two hours later it would have been too late. We have her hooked up to an IV so she gets the fluid she needs and we have heated blankets on her body so we can slowly bring her body back to temperature.”

“And you don’t know if she’ll wake up?” he asks sadly

“It is not a matter of if Felix, it is only a matter of when,” I pause before getting up and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Carlisle said that she is most likely able to hear us, you should talk to her. I will leave to give you some time, if she will come back for anyone it would be you.”

I see him nod softly, “Thank you, Alice, you’re a good friend who means a lot to my mate.”

I just smile at him in thanks before turning around to leave the room, allowing Felix to get some time with y/n.

y/n Pov

I wake up in a haze, confused I realize I am in my old bedroom. The bedroom from my real parents' house, was the one we all lived in before they were murdered. I look down at my hands and I see that my nails are done with purple nail polish that my mother used to paint when I was five.

Thoroughly confused I get out of my bed and slowly walk out of my room. I slowly pace myself to walk down the stairs, as I approach the end of the stairs, I hear clanking and hushed whispers coming from the direction of the kitchen.

“Hush David or you will wake up y/n/n, you know she had a long night studying again for her finals.” I hear a woman say in a quiet tone.

“Oh Astella, you know our daughter could sleep through a hurricane.” I hear a deep but comforting male voice say.

“Honey I truly doubt that but our y/n can be quite the heavy sleeper.

I walk into the kitchen with tears pooling in my eyes. “m-Mom? Dad?”

I see them both turn with smiles, “Oh my baby, what's wrong are you alright.” My mother turns off the stove and walks over to me.

My parents appear much older than when I saw them last before they were taken from me but right now it looks like they have never suffered any of the injuries that they were put threw. When my mother stopped in front of me, I pulled her into a hug. when I feel my mother's warm embrace surround me, I could not stop myself from sobbing. “Shh y/n/n it is okay I am right here, what is wrong?”

I hiccup a few times as I try to breathe so I can calm down enough to talk. “Here love let's get you sat down.” My mother gently led me to the all too familiar kitchen table, she pulled out my chair and gently pushed it back in once I sat down.

“I love you, mom and dad, so so much,” I reply as my tears have slowed down to a trickle.

“We love you too kiddo, is there something wrong.” My father asks me putting down his morning paper.

I shake my head, “No, no nothing's wrong. Everything is perfect.” I say sadly smiling at them both.

“I must say, Honey, Charlie has done a damn good job raising her.” my mother says sadly.

My heart breaks at my mother’s words, “T-that wasn’t just an intense fever dream.” I ask in agony.

“No, Sweetie that really happened, this is the dream, unfortunately.”

“That’s what I was afraid of, how do you know about Charlie?” I ask

“Well, Kiddo we are always with you. We have been here the whole time, watching over you.” My father says.

“I wish you guys were still alive.” I cry out

“We are alive, in here.” My mother points to her heart.

“Can’t I stay with you, please?” I ask in desperation

“Sweetie, you know you can’t leave him.” my mother says

“Leave who?” I ask

“Felix, you can’t leave your soulmate behind for eternity. He loves you and he treats you well. Don’t leave him all alone, you both deserve to be happy.” my father replies.

I walk over to my parents and give them a hug; they both wrap their arms around me and kiss either side of my forehead “we love you; you can open your eyes whenever you're ready okay.”

“I love you both too,” I say before I feel them fade away around me.

I feel a cold soft hand gently caressing my cheek. I still don’t open up my eyes yet because my parents told me that I didn’t have to until I was fully ready. “Mi Amor I am so sorry this happened to you, I am sorry that I wasn’t here to protect or rescue you. Please don’t leave me behind, I need you. I need you here with me where you belong. Our story isn’t supposed to end here, in fact, it is not supposed to end at all. We have so much to explore and experience together. I love you and I will be waiting for you to come back to me, however long it takes I will be right here by your side.”

My heart soars at the sound of the man's smooth voice I walk around in the dark until I see a beautiful man sitting in a women’s hospital bed. I get a bit closer and I realize that the woman is me and the man is…Felix. My mind is flooded with all the memories of Felix and I, all the sweet letters, all the face time calls, my birthday, our first kiss, the first time he told me he loved me. Everything comes at me all at once and all of a sudden I am running, no sprinting as fast as I can towards my hospital bed. When I get to my body, I take a breath before I touch my hand.

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.” I hear a constant rhythm of noise which makes me squint my eyes tightly before I slowly open them with a groan. I tightly my hand which is intertwined with Felix

“Felix,” I whisper my voice is dry and hoarse from not being used.

“Little Dove, you’re awake.” Felix laughs a bit before kissing my forehead. “I'll go get Alice and have her bring you some water.”

I watch Felix walk out of the door as I shiver, I carefully try to pull the heated blanket up higher around my body, but I don’t really succeed as my body feels very weak.

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tiresomeimagination · 2 years

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My last imagine was more focused on being friends with Seven as you would in any route except his own, where you're somewhat close but nowhere near as much as in his route.

Well I just finished replaying Seven's route for the first time in years and I also finally bit the bullet and spent my hourglasses on finishing the Secret Ending (I'll have enough for Another Story someday TvT), so I was thinking of doing a follow-up to my last imagine... this time being close enough to see Saeyoung a bit more genuinely ^^! I guess I'd say this is the "Seven's route Good End + Secret Ending" timeline.

So...

Imagine playing Animal Crossing with Saeyoung (and Saeran!)

It had been a long time since the two of you had played any video games together. With everything that's happened, life had just been too hectic for that kind of thing. But now that things were starting to settle down, you guys have the time to indulge in simple pleasures again.

You suggested that Saeyoung try showing Animal Crossing to Saeran, thinking the cozy slow pace game would be perfect for the brothers to bond over. Saeyoung was totally on board with anything to try connecting with his twin, so he grabbed it right away.

Saeyoung started a fresh island and let Saeran be the Resident Representative. The two of them share the town, but he lets Saeran make most of the overall island layout decisions.

The simple repetitive daily tasks and soothing atmosphere is rather therapeutic for Saeran, and once he got the hang of using a gaming system, he took to it pretty quickly. He tolerates Saeyoung's presence on the island but tries to keep some distance. This doesn't always work, since Saeyoung still tries to engage with whatever Saeran's current project is.

"...Hey, get your weird cat shrine away from my hybrid garden... it's ruining the ambiance..."

"Eh? But Saeran, those are the flower guardians! What will become of the poor flowers when there's no one to protect them from evil?"

"Cats don't protect flowers, idiot. Get rid of it."

"...okay;;"

Saeyoung does still like to dive into the game's code and find ways to break the game's boundaries, but he does it in a way that's not obtrusive to Saeran's town decorating.

Saeyoung's decorating in general, while it can still be unconventional and a bit silly, is less over the top than it used to be. Because of the emotional walls he used for the longest time, Saeyoung used to rely heavily on "fishing" for reactions in order to connect with others. Rather than being able to converse on a deeper level, he would exaggerate behavior and push buttons to get reactions, either positive or negative.

Thanks to you, Saeyoung now feels comfortable connecting with others on a deeper emotional level. Don't get me wrong, he still likes to play, still enjoys the occasional prank, and still loves the look on your face when he manages to catch you off guard. But now he doesn't feel like those have to define the majority of his interactions. This means you now get to see some of his more earnest attempts at decorating! …Just don't let your guard down too much. That's when he strikes.

"Wow, Saeyoung, I'm impressed. This is actually a pretty good bedroom design."

"lololol why do you sound so surprised?"

"...do I have to say it? ;;;"

"><; okay okay. Now, if you like this one, wait until you see the basement!"

"Yeah, let's go! I really like what you've done with the place so far. It's actually pretty practical and-.....ah...Saeyoung...?"

"Yeeesss? ^^"

"...Why do you have an... Elizabeth 3rd altar in your basement? Wow...that's...very detailed."

"Jumin said I should inject more culture and class into my decor tastes lolol do you like it?"

"....Hah...Yeah."

"Hooray!!"

If either you or Saeran have a particular villager that you really want, Saeyoung will get them from the online “villager black market” for you. He'll do his best to get you two whatever you want in general, honestly. Even if it's rare. If he can't get it on his own he'll just cheat the system. He has no problem breaking the rules to put smiles on the faces of the two most important people in his life.

Saeran actually plays more often than Saeyoung does, and he may invite you over if the two of you are close enough. He's really good at breeding hybrids, and you end up leaving with one of your favorite kind of hybrid as a gift.

Please volunteer to play with both boys, not just one. They both love it, and it slowly becomes something special that the three of you share. Things have changed a lot, but times like these remind you what a wonderful little family you've been welcomed into.

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skayafair · 9 months

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I have to admit I miss season 1 and 2 atmosphere. I fell in love with this podcast as my most comfort one because it had everything I love - lots of supernatural stuff, a very mysterious air - not horror one, really, - a thick plot and two very imperfect characters growing as the action went, good character studies - and it was very well-balanced.

I think going downhill started back in the pits time, the balance tipped quite considerably to the macabre side. But it was still mostly alright, season 2 is my favorite.

The real change happened in season 3.

Firstly, the enemy weren't some supernatural beings anymore - it's humans now. Using some otherwordly technics and creating monsters, sure, but still humans. The town's folk, Uncle, Larson, people in the mines (weren't exactly enemies but they were considered a possible threat for some time). When it was going on for just one season, it was okay - felt different, not as nice and comforting as the first 2, but okay. But now in season 4 there's a heavy focus on the Butcher (who is just revolting to me even as an enemy), who has been appearing as a human so far, although now we know there might be some supernaturally weird shit going on with him either. And... If I wanted to listen to a true crime or be reminded how cruel people are, how they can enjoy hurting and killing others, I'd just listen to a true crime or open any news website. The place I live in won't let me forget anyway. Podcasts are my escape.

Secondly, the drama or even tragedy level. The balance between the lighthearted or not as emotionally charged parts and the dramatical ones used to be very good, but in season 3 it dipped VERY much. I mean it's great to have emotionally intense episodes from time to time - season 2 was edging on its limits but still held the balance, but almost the whole season 3 is just an emotional wringer. I love the episodes with Yellow, they were GREAT, but soon enough afterwards I've noticed for the first time that I was postponing listening to the new episodes because I was dreading of how emotionally intense and draining they were going to be. This podcast was supposed to restore my energy like it did for 2 seasons, not drain it. While I'm glad we had so much character development for Arthur, I wish the mood of the season was balanced much better than it actually was. The 4th one started well in this regard, but the nightmares episode and the last one were too much for me. I think it has to do with the torture - emotional or physical one, doesn't matter. It happens too often now, and I don't respond well to it. It's too intense.

And lastly, the pacing. This is my beef mostly with season 4 and probably with the 2nd half of season 3 as well - it's slow. The mines part was just too dragged out for me, and now the events sort of happen but also it didn't feel much like it for the last few episodes. Half of the nightmares ep was just boring (probably the fact that I don't like Kellin one bit contributed to the impression as well), the 33rd was nice to have character development-wise but not much in any other regard and the 34th is just insufferable for 2 reasons: I can't stand the Butcher (he was more or less ok in ep 1 because there wasn't much of him, but listening to a narcissist for 45 minutes straight? No thanks) and the chase is... well, mostly running and chasing, which is plain boring to me. Characters interactions weren't much to me either, I don't see any common points between them, any chemistry, and they don't work as mirrors like it was with Larson. I mean looking at Arthur from an outside perspective was nice, but that was the only interesting thing there. Season 1 was quite like season 4 with the investigation and a lot of human characters, but it had crazy pacing and frankly that was the only thing that saved it initially for me (I enjoyed it properly later, but when I just began to listen it took quite a while to draw me in). Season 2 was thankfully slower, more introspective, which was great, but it was great thanks to a very good balance of what was going on in both inner and outer worlds. The Dreamlands itself as a location with completely unknown rules and plenty of various creatures, when one could never know if it was going to be a friend or a foe, was dynamic enough to keep just the right pacing.

I'm not looking for a discussion and not trying to berate the podcast, not dropping it either - I mean it's just about an hour once a month at most and the plot is still interesting to me, so no reason to drop it. But I really miss the way it used to be, I want my comfort series back - monsters don't scare me, people do, so I wish we went back to cosmic horror instead of a very real one.

#malevolent podcast #masked

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ctrlaltsoob · 2 years

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18. weird - take a hint (csb)

summary: worrying about anything else couldn’t matter less to huh y/n, who cares so desperately at beating the one and only choi soobin in absolutely everything she can. although maybe there are some things than only can take the trophy for first…

or where two people fail to realise that the line between love and hate is very thin, even though they might be the smartest in their studies.

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex (no smut), empty insults, Fluff . read: soobin not knowing how to deal with his emotions and making a big mess out of it

a/n: i start college soon Gross . so pls bear with me if the updates get a little slow

17. bruno mars | masterlist | 19. #goals

more under the cut [wc. 2.9k]

hosting movie night was not something soobin thought would be on his summer agenda. neither was having you look after his hedgehog or having you sleep in his bed for a good two hours, but he supposes that’s just how it is sometimes. he also didn’t expect to catch himself wondering where the hell you were nearly an hour after everyone else had arrived.

when he opens the door to see you holding a watermelon in your hands, he hopes he doesn’t sound as stupid as he thinks he does in his mind. welcoming you inside consisted of short, awkward sentences, and somehow he ends up kneeling down and untying your shoe laces when you struggle to undo the knots.

“you’re late,” he says, trying his best to not look up at you as he fiddles with the string. he can feel his face burning up when he realises exactly what he’s doing. “everyone else arrived ages ago.”

“was debating whether or not i should’ve come here,” you mumble, eyeing the family portrait hung up on the wall. “i don’t think i can show my face anymore, not after that stunt you pulled.”

soobin makes a face as you finally remove your shoes and follow him into the kitchen. “what are you on about,” he sighs, pulling out a chopping board and knife to slice the fruit.

“you know they think we fucked right?” the way you say it so casually makes his head whip up so fast that he swears he’ll break his neck. he stares at you with an unreadable expression on his face, but you decide to continue despite seeing his grip on the knife tighten. “on sunday? at the housewarming?”

“i know when it was,” soobin replies, slightly annoyed. “so what if they think we did? we both know what the truth is anyways.”

from the corner of his eye he can tell you’re beginning to get frustrated. should he have phrased it differently? maybe, but he honestly couldn’t care less about what your friends think.

“i told you that you should’ve just left it until after they left,” you say unabashedly, and he has to stop what he’s doing so that he doesn’t end up accidentally hurting himself. “now look.”

“it’s not my fault that i needed a charger for my dying laptop? let’s not forget that it was my room — my bed, you were sleeping in,” soobin hisses, cutting the last slice of watermelon a little too forcefully that the sound makes you flinch. “why do you always get so worked up about shit like this? it’s really not that deep.”

“i’m just tired of having to deal with all that, okay? so please, let’s not make things any worse,” you sigh, hands gently wrapping around his forearm. you’re too close to him, and he can feel the heat creeping up to his ears, so he leans forwards on his palms and dips his head to collect his thoughts. “does it really not bother you?”

“of course it bothers me. i just don’t care enough when i know it’s not true, you know?” he lifts his head and looks you in the eyes. soobin immediately regrets it though because your eyes are filled with something akin to despair, and the fact that you’re standing so close makes his brain short circuit. he attempts to swallow the lump in his throat before he speaks. “you need to stop caring about those things, y/n.”

the atmosphere is oddly intimate. he’s not entirely sure what you’re thinking about, but he can see how doubt flickers in your eyes and it makes him feel conflicted inside, like his conscious is telling him to apologise for snapping at you. some part of him wants to reach out and tuck the stray hairs behind your ears as a silent sorry, but he can’t bring himself to do it, not when he knows that doing so could just make more problems in the future.

“i know,” you say softly. the urge to caress your face grows stronger, like your words have put him under a spell. his mind is screaming at him to not move, but the human heart is fickle, and so his hand reaches out anyways. soobin touches you like you’ll break at any moment, his fingers barely brushing against your skin. he watches as your eyelids flutter, hands slightly squeezing his forearm.

soobin thinks you look pretty like this. it’s the only time he’ll allow himself to admit that, but of course he’d never say it aloud. and if having you so near to him wasn’t fatal enough for his weak mind, when you subconsciously lean into his touch, he swears he could die right then and there.

his hand is still softly brushing your hair behind your ear when he speaks. “we should go to the others now. they’re waiting.” it’s a miracle how his voice still sounds clear as he speaks to you, eyes staring into yours. you hum a quiet affirmation, yet none of you make an effort to move. it’s as if he’s enchanted you too, from the way you stare at him with wide eyes.

the sound of someone clearing their throat cuts through the room, and you repel away from each other with the force of a rubber band that’s been stretched so thinly being cut in half. you immediately open the nearest cupboard to you, coincidentally pulling out a plate to compile the cut pieces of fruit on, while soobin coughs and sees taehyun standing awkwardly at the entrance to the kitchen.

“we’re about to order food, but if you guys are busy then—”

“no!” your voice rings out at the same time as his, and it makes him cringe because he now realises exactly what you were trying to avoid with your friends. taehyun only blinks, staring at you both with wide eyes that look more mischievous than anything else. he only presses his lips together, a impish look consuming his features.

soobin clears his throat again. “we’re not busy, i mean,” he clarifies, dying a little when taehyun shifts his weight on his feet and crosses his arms. you nod along with him, focusing on making sure that none of the watermelon falls off the plate. “you guys go ahead. i’ll clean up here.”

you turn your head to stare at him, and taehyun watches as you and soobin have a silent conversation with your eyes. it’s not until soobin nods firmly once more that you sigh and take the plate of fruit with you to the others, taehyun immediately jabbing at your side. as the two of you walk away, soobin sighs and begins tidying away all the equipment, regret creeping up on him like a ghost.

what the fuck was he thinking? you two are barely friends, and yet here he was, caressing you like you’re his girlfriend or something. it’s so stupid how his heart is beating abnormally fast, and how his mind just doesn’t seem to get the image of you out of his head. it’s just you, he tells himself as he wipes down the countertop. it’s just you.

as he walks into the living room where everyone else is, soobin sees you curled up on the couch by ryujin’s side. he pauses for a second, contemplating whether or not it’s worth it to grab a piece of fruit from the plate in front of you and risk making the rest of the night awkward. eventually he decides against it and makes himself comfortable on the other couch, ignoring the curious eyes of taehyun.

amidst the bickering going on between all his friends, soobin finds his eyes repeatedly drifting back to you. he’s not entirely sure why it keeps happening, but he knows he needs to stop before someone gets the wrong idea. yet despite all his efforts, heesung kicks at his side.

“what is wrong with you?” he glares, rubbing the area where heesung harmed.

“more like what is wrong with you?” heesung fires back, blinking quickly. he glances back and forth between you and soobin when his friend doesn’t catch on. “i’m beginning to believe the shit i see them say on twitter.”

“fuck off. not you too,” soobin sighs, rubbing his temple because you’ve never been more correct in his life. “it’s nothing. i didn’t even realise i was—”

“oh wow beomgyu is right. it is happening.”

“fucking hell,” this time his sigh is much more exaggerated. heesung watches as he hides his head in his arms and pulls his legs up onto the couch. “i promise you, nothing is going on.”

“are you sure about that?”

“yes.”

“are you really sure? because taehyun—”

“taehyun what?” soobin’s head immediately shoots up hearing his name. the wide-eyed look on his face makes heesung slightly laugh. “if he said anything, ignore him, he’s not telling the truth.”

“i don’t know,” heesung exhales, shifting around to make himself more comfortable. “you did take a bit too long in the kitchen.”

soobin groans, head dipping down to hide his slightly burning ears. “whatever he told you, it’s nothing.”

“nothing is going on with y/n?”

“nothing.”

“what’s nothing?” yeji’s voice cuts through their conversation. despite the innocence of her question, the glint in her eye tells soobin that she may or may not have heard their entire conversation.

“uhh, don’t worry about it,” he says, blinking when she simply nods and passes him the remote. he clears his throat, ignoring the sideways look he sees you give him. “what movies did you guys wanna watch?”

eventually everyone settles down, and before he knows it, they’ve watched two movies back to back. at some point when he makes his way to the kitchen, soobin sees you at the entrance putting your shoes on.

“y/n?” he says softly, catching your attention. he watches as your face reddens when you recognise his voice. “what are you doing? you can’t be leaving now. we still have to watch kiki’s delivery service.”

his words make you smile which leaves a strange feeling in his chest. it’s similar to the one he felt when you leant into him as he tucked your hair behind your ears. soobin has to force himself to not stare at your face, because he’d rather not have a repeat of what happened earlier in the kitchen.

“i know, i know,” you mumble softly. “but i didn’t bring any spare clothes so i can’t sleep over.”

soobin frowns. “yeah, but it’s like,” he pauses and checks the time on the grand clock hung on the wall. “nearly two in the morning. you can’t go home at this time.”

“i’ll be fine,” you say, somewhat caught off guard by his sudden courtesy. “don’t worry about me.”

“i’ll let you borrow something. everyone else is staying,” he pleads, watching as you stare up at him with a million thoughts behind your eyes. “just this once.”

it’s not until after a lengthy silence that you slowly nod your head. there’s an odd sense of pride that he feels after managing to successfully convince you, and so he smiles, both dimples appearing on display. it triggers you to bashfully do the same, ears burning red as he looks at you.

“great,” he says, eyes smilling along with his mouth. “i’ll just put this away and i’ll take you upstairs in a sec.”

soobin makes sure that there’s not a random taehyun in the corner of the room, watching him speak to you as he walks you upstairs. you make ample conversation with him, which he’s grateful for because he’s sure that he would just stay in silence and make everything awkward again. when you sit on his bed, talking about how cute you find his hedgehog, soobin smiles into his wardrobe as he searches for clothes for you to wear.

“he probably shitted on like, half of my mom’s fancy pillows, but he’s so cute i literally did not care.”

“you won’t say that when he shits on your bed twice a week,” soobin grimaces, pulling out a shirt from the numerous piles of clothes he has. “here. this should be good.”

“thank you,” you accept the piece of clothing with a shy smile. “i think ryujin brought a spare pair of trousers so i’ll just use that.”

soobin nods as you speak, fiddling with random clothes so that he looks busy while he tries to think of something to say. “um, i just wanted to apologise,” he starts, turning his body so that he’s now facing you. “for earlier. in the kitchen.”

your face is evidently shocked, and it makes soobin regret bringing it up in the first place. did you want to just forget about it and move on?

“oh right,” you laugh nervously and shift around on his bed. “don’t worry about it. it’s not that big of a deal.”

“yeah i didn’t mean to snap at you,” he says sheepishly, hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck like it always does when he gets nervous. “sorry, about that.”

“ohh, you mean that?” your words have him confused, and he looks at you with his brows furrowed. “i thought you were talking about the, you know?”

you bring your hand up to your ear and start tucking your hair behind your ear, mimicking his movements. once he catches on, his face turns a deep red colour, almost the same colour as yours.

“oh, well, i mean, i’m sorry for that too,” soobin blurts out, and he cringes in the process because he definitely could’ve worded that better. “i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable.”

“no! no, i wasn’t,” you pause to swallow, and suddenly your eyes are avoiding his. “uncomfortable, or anything like that.”

“oh,” is all he says, before a long silence ensues. he didn’t make you uncomfortable? despite doing all that? friends don’t even do that and yet here the two of you are. “i’m glad then.”

there’s a small smile on his face as you nod, but for some reason you’re still avoiding his eyes. the silence in the room is palpitable, and it doesn’t help that it’s just you two, alone in his room, while the rest of your friends are probably scheming and betting with each other on what you’re both up to. the air is suffocating, and he desperately wants to say something to break the tension, but you alone with him in his room is honestly driving him insane.

“are you tired? do you want to sleep?” he asks, relieved that he noticed you yawning. you shake your head and try to stop yourself from yawning again, but the small laugh that he lets out just shows that you’re unsuccessful.

“shut up,” you mumble, rubbing your eyes as he laughs again. “i’m not sleepy, let’s go downstairs before it’s too late.”

when soobin sees you wearing his shirt, he tries his best to play it cool and not look at you every five seconds. but it’s not the easiest task in the world, especially since you always find a way to involve him in your conversations. it seems like he’s lost his grip on reality lately, because why on earth does his brain keep going back to you?

you’re the centre of his thoughts when you laugh at his jokes, and you’re the centre of his thoughts when you unknowingly compliment him. when he carries you upstairs because you’ve passed out on the floor, your sleeping face is all that’s on his mind. and while the others are spread across the two guest rooms, soobin knows that you prefer to sleep alone, so he rests you in his bed. it takes too much of his self restraint to not run his fingers through your hair and caress your face. mainly because a) he’d probably look like a creep, and b) because you aren’t close enough for that.

there’s a part of him that wonders why he’s being so accommodating to you, especially since you crushed his knee when he came to visit odi at your place. and yet despite all his questioning, there’s a small reason in the back of his mind that links to an incident a few years ago, that might be the reason why he’s suddenly doing all this.

but he’d like to think that it’s just something else.

still, the fact that you snuggled into him when he had you in his arms has his mind going crazy and his heart beating at light speed. so when he finally leaves his room and shuts the door to his parents’ room behind him, he knows that he’s gone insane.

and this reality hits him once he lays down in a bed that’s not his own, because why has he given up his own bed to let you sleep in it? his parents’ bed might be comfortable, but there was literally no proper reason to have you sleep in his bed. with a mind that has never been this distracted before, soobin shuts his eyes like it would shut out the thoughts of you in his head.

falling asleep has never been harder for him.

taglist (open): @bergandysam @beepbopbee @minbit @shwizhies @glyxiebear @lowxkie @rlajjunie

#soobin x reader #choi soobin x reader #soobin smau #soobin fic #txt fic #choi soobin #tomorrow x together #social media au #soobin: take a hint #ficscafe

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becomingbts · 1 year

Text

Find a Way - Epilogue

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Type: angst-fluff-supernatural-series

Warning(s): deals with suicide and death. If you’re not comfortable with that subject, I suggest you don’t read it. Supernatural au.

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Summary: “If you accept, you’ll go back in time each time you’ll fail.” “I don’t care, I’ll save her no matter what.”

In 2011, he left everything behind so that he could follow his dreams. Yet, he also left his best friend, the one who supported him to go to the auditions, the one who cheered for him, the one who brought him banana milk when he felt down, but also the one who killed herself a day before he finally came back home.

Notes: So this is it. The epilogue, the end of this story. I wrote it back in 2018 and started proofreading it last year to upload it here. My writing has grown quite a lot but I tried to keep most of what I had written back then. I mostly just corrected it. I hope you’ll like it. Thank you for reading this story! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Much love from me, happy Christmas celebrations.

Admin Dolly

Chapter 16 - The End.

He could already feel his phone ringing, but instead of picking it up, just like (Y/N) thought he would, he shut it off, sighing quietly while they both sat on a bench in a park that he knew by heart. She did not know if he had chosen this place on purpose, but it seemed like the peaceful atmosphere had calmed him down. If she had to be honest, it also did wonders on her nerves.

"You can yell at me now if you want to. I deserve it, so go ahead, empty your heart." He hid his head behind his arms, waiting for her to scream at him. However, the silence only greeted him. Her anger had not fully vanished but she was no longer blinded by it.

"I'm sorry for screaming earlier. I had no right to yell at you like that, no matter how mad I was." She whispered, hiding her hands under her legs, hoping to warm them up.

"You had every right to, (Y/N). I'm an idiot." He sighed, defeated.

"You know I dislike getting angry at people. I don't want to yell at anybody, even though you might think that I would have reasons to. There is just a lot happening, I let my emotions get to me, and I... Even if you think you deserved it, I don't think you did. So, I'd like to apologize for that." Jungkook looked at her for a few seconds before a smile crept up on his features. Her stubbornness was something to reckon with.

"Okay, I accept your apology," breathing in and out, he almost chuckled at the ridiculousness of their conversation, "now stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong." She didn't reply but he could almost hear her quiet disagreement.

However, sitting there in the cold, Jungkook felt at loss. Should he ask her if she saw what had just happened? Call him crazy but he could have sworn that his eyes met hers. He saw something different, there was a strange glint in her eyes. She had to have seen something.

Yet, he also couldn't brush away the possibility that she might have not seen anything and that he would make a show of himself (again) if that were the case. He knew that she could trust him not to lie about stuff like that, just like when he talked about her sister's death. Jungkook was not one to lie about important things. Yet, her trust probably had limits as well. Just the thought of asking her if she had seen everything freezing in their places, seen the landscape going black and white, and if she had seen that version of herself. That definitely sounded crazier than anything he had already said. If he were in her shoes, his trust would have met its limits, at least.

Yet before he could ask anything, she already looked at him before sighing and looking back at the children running in the park.

"I heard what happened when everything froze, if this is what you are wondering, I heard... I couldn't see but I heard."

Jungkook would have snorted at the way she replied to a question he didn't know how to ask, had he been less shocked about her answer.

"And... To be honest, when it went back to normal, I saw memories. Like, short snapshots of times and events I can't remember. Some of them even looked like they happened at the same time, at the same place. Since that... Thing disappeared, I keep on seeing things that I-" she stopped, almost chocking on her breath as if she had to cough, and Jungkook started to piece the puzzle together. He feared that he was starting to understand what she meant "I'm pretty sure I'm getting memories of me jumping from that bridge, even though I never did it in this... "timeline". That's what you called it, right?" Jungkook froze. His mind blanked at the realization that she had gotten back all her memories from all timelines.

"No... No, that cannot be possible, you have to be joking." He sounded incredulous. It couldn't happen that way, not after he did everything to protect her. How could he protect her from her own memories?

"I know." She sighed, "I know you did not mean for that to happen, it's... It's okay. In fact, it's quite logical, it was me. Different from me, for sure, but it was me. So, if those timelines merged, then it's only coherent for me to have those memories back, even if they are sparse, flawed, and patchy." For a second, Jungkook wondered if all the people around them that got their lives modified because of his actions would remember the timelines like (Y/N). Would his brothers remember snapshots of his outbursts from all the timelines he got them involved in his mess?

"But those are only indirectly yours! You went through enough, you don't need to see that..." With shaky hands, Jungkook knew that feeling that way wouldn't change anything, but he still strongly wished for her not to remember. If only she could forget about those dreadful moments.

"It's... weird. Truly, I can feel that, yes, to a certain extent, it was me, but somehow, I can't reach the feeling that I overwhelmed me at that time. I only have images. And, I mean, I know what that feeling must have been like, I... Had it in the hospital, I guess, but it doesn't reach me as it should. I don't know if it makes sense, but, it's like I understand the feeling but I don't relive it, I believe." She seemed as confused as him, but it sort of made sense. Jungkook stared at her, trying to see if she was lying for his sake or if she meant it. He realistically speaking knew that she was telling the truth, but somehow, he wanted to see it for himself. If she could only see images and feel detached from them, it would be easier for her to cope. Not that he thought that it would not be hard that way, but at least, she would not suffer as much as she did during the other timelines.

"I see." He felt stupid for not finding better words, but what could he say? He almost chuckled anxiously, his nerves finally hitting him. He heard her sigh but he didn't dare comment on it, feeling that she wanted to add something. Jungkook looked at his hands, unsure if he should try to get her to talk. Maybe she just needed some minutes to think about what she wanted to tell him. Eventually, he heard her sigh again until her voice came out quietly.

"It doesn't change anything about us, though."

Now, he wasn't really sure how to interpret that. He had not expected for her to suddenly forgive his years of absence, but was it what she was talking about?

"What... Do you mean by that?" He glanced at her, noting that her eyes weren't focused on him anymore.

"I mean that it doesn't change who we are, and what you did. I want to make new memories too, I relatively understand what you said to that thing, but I don't know if I'll be able to. Nothing you can say will erase what you did, even if I wanted to forgive you. Everything that I previously said still stands. You still know nothing Jungkook. You left, we're barely strangers." Her eyes were brimming with tears, melancholy dancing in her voice as she reminisced what happened; the silence that fell upon them wasn't uncomfortable but it felt like it was holding truths that both of them did not want to face.

He had known that. He wouldn't expect her to forgive him, or to even try to. He wanted her forgiveness, of course, he wanted it badly. If he could go back to how things were before, he would. But he wasn't stupid. He knew that he had hurt her deeply, more than he could probably ever imagine. He had left. He couldn't expect her to take him back, no matter what he could say, no matter how he changed.

"I know it doesn't change anything but, I still mean what I said as well. I want you to be happy. I wish you could give your life a second chance. I know you don't need me, I was afraid you wouldn't need me once I left for Seoul, that was one of the stupid reasons that pushed me not to talk to you after I left. Things will be hard and they won't ever be the same. I can barely imagine how you feel right now, but I just wish for you not to give up. You deserve to live (Y/N). You did nothing wrong." He tried to keep his calm even though he felt a storm inside his heart, his throat clogging up as he spoke. He knew it wasn't his place to tell her that everything would be okay, how could he even say so? He did not know, so how could he dare to say something like that, even if he wanted to be comforting? He just couldn't. He could only hope that she would feel supported.

"I never felt so alone Jungkook." Her voice was quiet, tired. She sounded empty and it frightened Jungkook. Her eyes seemed void of any emotions, and he hated it. "I don't even know if I'm feeling anything, to be honest." She didn't sigh, merely breathing in and out in a steady rhythm. She was exhausted, that much was obvious.

"You were... Stuck in the loop, to save me?" She suddenly asked, as if the previous conversation had not happened. Jungkook looked at her confused, he already told her everything about it. He was not expecting any more questions about what happened, yet here she was. Sensing his confusion, she chuckled. "I'm sorry, everything is starting to hit me, I guess," she snorted, "God, I'm a mess, why did you even save me?" His eyes snapped at her.

"Don't say that (Y/N), even if I could change my decision, I wouldn't." Her smile felt empty.

"I don't need your pity, Jungkook." His breath got stuck for a few seconds, unable to find a proper way to tell her that it wasn't what he meant.

"I'm not pitying you (Y/N). I'm being honest. It's only normal for you to be overwhelmed. Nobody would be fine after living what you did. Hell, even I feel on the edge after everything that happened." His head was throbbing, a dull reminder of the consequences of his manipulation of time. He felt unconsciousness dangerously close to him, but he had to stay awake. He had to. Her eyes met his and he wondered if he was that transparent to her. Worry danced in her orbs; it seemed as if she really wanted to point something out, but hesitated.

"You don't look too well, are you all right?" She asked, concerned. He smiled miserably. Even in her state, she found the time to be concerned for him. Why had he been stupid enough to think she wouldn't do it if they were apart? And more importantly, why had he been unable to do the same for her?

"Don't worry about me (Y/N), it will pass eventually. I'm just tired. Do you... Want to go eat somewhere?" He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know what to do either, so he might as well just go with the feeling.

"Jungkook I-" she stopped. It felt like both of them were completely out of it. They looked lost, almost in another mind.

"I know, I don't deserve to ask that from you, but please, don't push me away." He looked pathetic. He knew that. He was desperate to get closer, anything. He would accept anything but he prayed for her to take him back. "Don't leave me."

"You really have the nerve to ask me that after what you did, uh?" She stared at him, almost laughing at how ridiculous the situation was. They were a mess. She almost felt anger rising at his question, but in a way, she felt weirdly warm. She wasn't supposed to feel that way. She was supposed to stay mad at him, probably never talk to him again after that. So why did she want to hug him right now? Maybe it was because she just lost her sister, that must have been it. She needed comfort, that was all.

"I know right?" He sighed pitifully, fully expecting her to tell him off.

"Let's get going. I don't wanna stay alone today. I'll get you out of my life afterward." She smiled lightly, and the whole conversation seemed so weird and out of place after everything that happened, that Jungkook ended up laughing.

"Yeah..." he chuckled, "Yeah, let's do that." She laughed quietly as well, unsure about her own words but that would be the story of another day. For now, they had to eat something.

♦︎♢♦︎

They might not be alone, but it was weird as hell.

Who told them that it would be a good idea to eat together? (Y/N) sighed one more time while asking herself what she had done wrong to end up here. She didn't even want to eat; she wasn't hungry. The only thing she could think about was her sister. Tears were threatening to spill each time her name came to her mind.

And if that wasn't enough to deal with, she also had Jungkook to take into consideration.

Why had he come here seriously? She had already enough with everything that had happened to her, but now, she also needed to open once again one of her biggest wounds, bleeding a bit more each time she looked at the one that caused it all. She could see that Jungkook seemed to feel awkward as well. He did not look at her in the eyes, he had left a lot of space between the two of them to walk. He also had not tried to make small talk with her (which she was grateful for). To sum up, it was seriously awkward. Both of them looked like they had been forced to be there, even when they had not. Yet, it was hard for her to swallow everything. Would she ever be fine again? She kept on trying to swallow each time she remembered the call from the morning and then, what happened in the hospital. God, would it be that hard for her whole life? She somehow wished that the pain could melt away.

However, before she could do anything about it, she already felt tears rolling on her cheeks when she stopped trying so hard to prevent them from falling. Oh, she missed her sister so much already. She wished she had had the time to tell her how much she loved her before she left, at least. She was filled with regrets, with empty thoughts. She knew that "ifs" were useless, yet, she couldn't help but imagine what would have happened had she said "no" to her sister for that trip. She would probably be devastated by now, knowing that her friends were...

Was it selfish of her to wish they all died but her? For a second, she thought that the tears that left her eyes were because she felt herself becoming a horrible person for having those thoughts. How could she wish for someone's death, just to protect her loved one? But she had no one left, could someone truly blame her for that?

No, she had to stop. Her sister wouldn't have wanted that. And as much as (Y/N) wanted to scream "screw what my sister would have thought because obviously, she isn't here anymore to scold me", a part of her felt like it would be too real to say that. She wanted to feel safe, even for a brief moment, to imagine that all of this was a mere joke. Saying and thinking that her sister would not be there anymore to scold her felt too real, her departure felt too real. Her breath shortened again.

"(Y/N) breathe. I know it's hard, but breathe." Jungkook suddenly held her hand out of nowhere. (Y/N) felt as if his hand was the only thing grounding her in their reality, and she did not like it one bit. She did not want to end up depending on him again. Never again. She took her hand out of his, not meeting his eyes, she didn't want to see his reaction.

"I'm fine." She did try to sound fine even when she felt like her world was crumbling. She thought she heard Jungkook laughing, letting her know that she did not fool him. Yet, when she looked up, his face was empty of any similar feelings. She could only see the worry in his eyes.

"Hello! Can I get you something to drink?" A waitress had come, interrupting both of their thoughts.

"Water for me?" (Y/N) uttered as she had not really bothered to look at the menu.

"And one black tea, thank you." He smiled before the waitress left, both of them finally looking at each other. "You can lean on me, you know?"

"I don't want to grow dependent on you, not again." She almost whispered, barely audible to him, yet, he heard the message clearly. It wasn't that hard to understand what she meant by that.

"I know, and... I understand why. I just," he gulped, not wanting to say something out of line, "I just wish I could help. In any way, I don't care. I just wish I could lift some of your pain." He looked down, knowing that there was not a lot that he could do anyway.

"Thank you." His eyes widened at her words, "It... Still means a lot, coming from you." She almost hesitated to take his hand back in hers, but everything felt unstable, from their bond to her whole life. Nothing felt strong enough to hold her in one piece, and maybe this was why Jungkook was here. She almost chuckled at the thought. How could she be sure he wouldn't leave in the middle and leave her broken again? If he did so, she wouldn't be able to get back to her feet. One time had been enough, and with her current situation, she wouldn't make it this time.

"I know that, with what I did in the past, you don't trust me anymore on that aspect. It's only fair. I can't... blame you." Jungkook took her hands again, silently praying for her to let him be there for her, to allow him to touch her. And when she did not take her hands away, it felt like a big victory for him. "But if you need me, I'm here." He saw the flash of hurt in her eyes, as he said those words.

"Just like you were there for me all those years ago, uh?" It wasn't even a question, he heard it in her voice. She did not believe he would stay, and he wondered how he could change her mind about that.

"I messed up, I know. I messed up badly. I shouldn't have done what I did. It was unfair to you. You have always been there for me and I left so easily." He tried to hold her gaze, unwilling to show his hesitation, "but I grew up. I became better than my mistakes, I-" I love you, he thought. "I just wish I could redeem myself. No scratch that, I don't want to force you to forgive me, I just badly want to be there for you. For how long you'll need me, use me, take everything you'll need to feel better, please. Use my strength for yourself and leave afterward, if you need... If it can make you feel better, then so be it. But please, please, let me help." He knew he had messed up, he just hoped that he could be there once again, even if it had to be temporary, he would manage to heal somehow. He would be fine for her, he'd be her anchor if she asked him to.

"I can't do that to you, and you know it." She smiled sadly as he rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand.

"Please, try. Disregard the way I feel, just... Just, please. Don't keep it to yourself." His voice had lost his strength as emotions were suddenly too much for him. He did not see the waitress coming back, silently asking (Y/N) with her eyes if they both were okay or if she needed to do something. (Y/N) briefly nodded, letting the waitress know that she was okay and that the situation was... fine.

"I'll be brutally honest Jungkook. I don't want you out of my life after just seeing you again, but I also don't want to ever feel the way I used to do about you." He blinked. What did she mean by that? Frowning, he did not ask anything but she seemed to understand his underlying question regardless. She chuckled, before continuing.

"I was madly in love with you, Jungkook. And you leaving felt like my whole world had collapsed. Somewhat similar to what happened today, but now it's worse because I'll never-" she stopped, not able to finish her sentence, knowing the tears would overwhelm her if she went further.

Jungkook froze.

First, he saw the tears coming as soon as he understood what she meant about her sister. His heart ached for her, he could only imagine how he would feel if one of his brothers was to- No, he better not imagine it. But then... Did she just tell him that she had been in love with him?

"You were... in love with me?" He asked, unsure of himself. It was not possible, right? He had not even known he had feelings for her at that time, he realized later, but he-

"I was. I was and it felt like you were taking my heart with you when you left, but you never returned it. You were one of the biggest parts of my life. And not only in the buddy-buddy way, but I was also head over heels for you and it felt like a god damn cold shower when you left without a word." And god, it made a lot of sense. Their outings, behaviors, and quiet confessions made so much more sense to Jungkook. How could he have missed it? He had had time to understand his feelings, coming to terms with them as he believed he would never meet her again. However, she had waited. She had waited for him to come back, to come back to her, not only because he was her bestfriend, but because she had loved him. Jugnkook's heart broke at the thought.

She had loved him.

"I love you." He blinked, and she did too.

Did he really just say-

"What?" She looked astonished, as if she had been expecting everything from him, but surely not that. And to be fair, he did not either. Shit. Shat had it just done? He had not intended to confess.

At all.

"I... Okay, I did not intend to confess but yeah," he smiled, incredulously, "I love you. I loved you back then too. I just... I was a massive idiot, jealous, and possessive, and stupid, who wouldn't admit that I might not be your priority anymore, that I might not be your number one anymore, that you might get a boyfriend. A boyfriend that I had wanted to be, even though I had not truly understood my feelings at that time. And then," Jungkook breathed in, trying not to get too overwhelmed, "I got worried that it would be the same for me, that I would leave you slowly and I thought it would hurt you a lot more than if I just cut ties with you. I'm so, so fucking sorry for even confessing right now, it's not fair to you, not after all you went through today." Jungkook's eyes widened in panic, "please don't think that I'm trying to use your old feelings to get something in exchange. I don't want you to think that way because I have nothing to get, I just- This was not what I wanted to do, this was truly not planned. I'm pretty confused myself because I did not mean to confess, but I truly love you and it feels so fucking good to be able to tell you, even though my timing couldn't be any worse." He rambled, speeding up by every word as if he thought that he would end up backing off in the middle of his speech, and as if he had wanted to make sure he had said it all before he lost his courage. He was so red that anyone could probably tell that he was extremely embarrassed. (Y/N) almost smiled, seeing that he did not change that much, even though everything was different.

She was speechless. What could she say? Should she get angry? Because, why the hell did he leave her like that if he loved her too? He did say that he understood his feelings later. Nevertheless, it meant that he had them before he realized it. It must have hurt him too, so why the hell did he leave like that? In a way, she wanted to get angry at him, because he had no right to confess to her like that. It would not change the situation (would it?), she wouldn't forgive him in a second just because he loved her. Why did he choose that day, that cruel day, to confess? Who did he think he was?

Yet, there was this other part of herself, telling her that he said it himself: he had not meant to confess. Jungkook just got overwhelmed. And she could understand, because, even if they both had not seen each other in years, this was still Jungkook: the shy boy whose feelings always got the best, or worst, of him. She knew it. The rational part of her mind was telling her to shut this ridiculous anger down, that it wouldn't bring them anywhere, anyway. However, it was still hard to keep everything inside. She just wanted to scream at the word for making her life this messy. What had she done in her previous life to have so many things going on at once? She would have rather had him saying sorry a hundred times than him confessing his love for her that way. What was she even supposed to answer?

That was when she stopped thinking for a second.

Would she ever be able to love again? Every person that she had loved ended up leaving her. Why would it be any different? Her parents left, Jungkook had left as well, and her sister, the one she thought she'd have next to her for her whole life, was gone in an instant. Even if she obviously still had affection for the man in front of her, her first love that she knew she'd never be able to completely forget, would she ever be able to love him again? Even if she wanted to, she wasn't sure she would be able to love someone again, especially someone she had loved so dearly. She did not know if she would be okay to even have him back as a friend, what was she supposed to say about a lover then?

"Please, don't cry." His whisper brought her back from her thoughts. She had not noticed that she had begun to cry. It felt like it was all she was doing that day. Crying.

"Why are you doing that to me? You know that I can't deal with so many things at once." He knew it, and it felt unfair to tell her. It felt wrong and almost mean, but he got carried away until he couldn't keep it inside anymore, but it didn't prevent him from feeling awful about it.

"You don't have to say anything about it, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you in such a situation, I just wanted you to know, but you don't have to say anything, or treat me differently, I just... I shouldn't have, I'm sorry. But I just truly do, and I wanted you to know. Your feelings... were never only one-sided. I was just... The stupid one between us, just like now." He smiled gently, earning a chuckle from her, even though she protested, saying it was not true. He brushed his thumbs on her cheeks, getting rid of the tears that painted her face. Oh, he wished he could just brush her pain away.

"It is, though. I kept on messing up everything. Even now, I'm telling you to use me to get back on your feet, but I keep on messing up, bringing feelings into it." He smiled sadly, their story would always have the same ending after all, uh? Would he just keep on disappointing her?

"Ithas always been you, though. What do you think I expected from you." She weirdly smiled back, her tears had not completely faded, but he could recognize the nostalgia in her eyes. Of course, she knew how easily he got overwhelmed by his feelings. He either kept them for himself, hurting in the meantime, or he started rambling, much like how he just did, suddenly too much for him to keep everything inside. She still knew him by heart, she could tell him as much as she wanted to that they were strangers, they truly weren't. How could they after everything they went through together? That was when Jungkook realized what hurt him the most when she told him that they barely were strangers. To him, it was impossible. He remembered every little thing she used to do, some that she was still doing, out of nervousness. She had been his special person. He acknowledged that he didn't know the present (Y/N), but he could still see the past (Y/N) in herself. She still was there, of course, that she had changed, but parts of her had remained the same.

"Yet, I keep on hurting you." He took her hands in his, providing her a comforting warmth. She badly wanted to tell him that it was alright, just like she used to do. However, she couldn't. But weirdly enough, she didn't feel as oppressed or confused as she felt just a moment before. Jungkook's warmth grounded her. She felt less restless, feeling her troubles lessening for a little. She knew that nothing was gone, but maybe, and truly maybe, she could use his shoulder.

Maybe.

Eventually.

Perhaps.

She had to stop thinking so much.

"Eventually, you'll make it right, won't you?" Hope. He did not believe he was mistaken; it was hope he could hear in her voice. His eyes met hers, and he felt himself falling for her all over again. God, he loved her so much. He wished he could protect her from everything, including himself. But if she hoped for a future with him, he wouldn't fail her. Oh, he would fight for her, give her the world, just like she deserved. He would try his best and never leave her ever again. He would do better, be better for her. He smiled sadly at her, yet determined.

"I will. I promise."

She wished she could explain how overwhelming those words felt to her. She truly hoped he wouldn't leave again. Because this time, she truly would need him to get back to her feet. She would do what he said: she would use him, lift some weight off her shoulders, and use his shoulders to rest a little bit.

He truly had to stay this time. Especially if she was trusting him to do so, he had to be there. But from the way he just left his chair, moved in her direction, and asked her silently if he could wrap his arms around her while she quietly nodded, she felt herself trusting him a little bit too much for her liking already. And maybe if she had not been overthinking their whole relationship, she could have been able to notice his silent tears and relaxed smile as he finally held her close, shielding her from the world as much as he could.

He would make it right.

He would find a way.

♦︎♢♦︎

The funeral was a blur in (Y/N)'s mind. Everything went by so quickly, she didn't get any time to cry. Some of their relatives came, aunts and uncles, people who never talked to them before. (Y/N) could barely recognize them and she was even more confused as to how they knew about everything. She had almost wanted to make them leave, who did they think they were to just come like that as if they had been close with them, to begin with? Yet, she knew that her sister would have probably hated to see conflict on such a solemn day. Hence, she remained silent.

She saw many parents, people who lost their children in the same accident came to her, asking her silently if she was alright, unable to speak properly without crying. Many had asked if she wanted to make a common funeral with the kids of her sister's class. She had politely declined, feeling bad, but she knew that her sister would have never agreed to such a morbid idea. (Y/N) already had trouble holding up with her sister's death, so, seeing many other people sad for losing someone else as well, she knew she would have had a hard time dealing with all of that. She hoped she didn't look inconsiderate though. She didn't want to offend anyone, she just wanted to bring some peace to her sister.

What surprised (Y/N) the most was Jungkook not leaving her side during the whole ceremony. It had been quite weird for him. He canceled his trip with Jimin, simply explaining that he had found his old best friend who just lost her little sister and who truly needed him to be there. He knew that he could tell them the truth, they had been more than just supportive when he did so, but he tried to make it easier and more simple. He knew how they would react and he had already known that his brothers were the best he could ever ask for, so he wasn't really concerned about that any longer. He knew the truth and it was enough. He vaguely tried to ask them if they had had any weird dreams about him, but they all seemed confused. It seemed like (Y/N) was the only one to have some of the other timeline's memories. In a way, he was glad about that, yet, he would have preferred it if she could have been spared as well. However, he stayed the whole day and helped her prepare for the funeral the week before because he knew that she would be overwhelmed. He didn't say much, not going into personal matters, but he went with her, giving her the strength to face everything. She couldn't say that she truly was okay, but it was at least bearable with him. He often took one of her hands in his, making sure she knew he was there, and she smiled gratefully more than once with this simple action.

It was still tense between them, and she had a hard time accepting him again. He had known that it wouldn't be easy, and he was more than content that she even gave him a chance to prove himself. He was glad that she let him be there for her, even though he wished that she would ask more of him. He knew it wasn't in his nature to ask for help, yet he still wished for her to be more selfish.

At the end of the day, he merely stood behind her, as everyone had finally left, he could see that her shoulder seemed less tense, but she needed her closure. He knew that saying goodbye to her sister wouldn't be enough for a real closure, but at least, it would be a step in that direction. She couldn't do anything else but accept what had happened.

"Hey, baby sis. I wish our reunion after your trip would have been happier. I know you do, too." She stopped for a second, breathing deeply before closing her eyes. Jungkook didn't know if he should come closer to her or let her make peace with herself. "I hope that wherever you are, you'll be happy, don't worry too much about me, I'll manage. I just hope that you'll be fine without me, too. I won't join you for a bit, we have to make a little part of the travel separately, but we will meet up someday. You would probably scold me for saying so, but yeah, don't worry. I plan on trying to continue to live. I'll live for you, that way, I'll have many things to tell you when we get together again." Tears were running down her cheeks; she tried to control her breath as well as she could, wanting to say everything she had wanted to. "I love you, you know I do., I wish I could have protected you better, be a better sister, I wish I had done many more things with you. But- It seems like fate had different ideas like you always said. I will always keep on loving you, you'll stay deep in my heart, baby sis. You'll always be my little planet, orbiting around me, giving me happiness and joy. I wish that I could just brush the pain away, but you know how I am, right? I'm hopeless with feelings, it always messes me up. However, I'll keep going. The word doesn't stop, I know. It's hard and it will continue to be, but I intend on working on it and try to enjoy things again. I'm not ready to say goodbye but... I guess... I guess this is it, right?" Jungkook took this as his cue to take her hands in his, staying behind her, but still comforting her as much as he could. "See who even came to say goodbye? You'd be furious to see him," she laughed sadly, tears preventing her from clearly seeing. "I know you didn't truly hate him, you were just protective of me. You never told him but at some point, you thought I would leave you for him, that's why you were always on the defensive with him." She smiled, feeling Jungkook's surprise. He had never known about that. (Y/N) had always brushed her sister's anger away as if it were nothing, yet she had always known the true feelings of her sister.

"Anyway, I always find a way to postpone our farewell, don't I? I have to go, baby sis. I will manage, I swear. Don't worry too much, I'll drink and eat plenty, I'll catch on some sleep, I'll try to do my best. I love you. I truly do. I hope you'll feel my love, even where you are. I... Bye, I love you."

♦︎♢♦︎

1 year later

"Are you sure everything's good?" She looked nervous, blushing ever so endearingly. Oh, how Jungkook loved to see her embarrassed, just enough color on her cheeks to let him see how she felt. She had become easier to read over the year, and he loved every second of it.

"You look perfect, don't worry, they will love you," he smiled comfortingly, letting one of his hands fall against the small of her back. And as they reached the end of the stairs, Jungkook felt happiness filling him. He had never felt this warm, happily meeting up with his hyungs in the small restaurant. It was finally time for the meeting that had been due for such a long, long time.

"Halmeonie, we're here!" Jungkook shouted, almost laughing as he saw the curious glance of his brothers.

"Welcome home, Jungkookie, (Y/N)." The old woman smiled happily as she saw the two of them smiling together as they entered the place. She didn't think she would see the day when they would reunite, but here she was, smiling proudly just like an old mom, witnessing what everyone had first imagined for those two as they still were children: together. They used to scream that they would stay together forever. Well, here they were.

"Guys, this is (Y/N), my childhood best friend. (Y/N), I introduce you to my brothers, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung." He smiled widely, pulling her in front of him again, already feeling how she had retreated behind him. He would not let her get shy, he was there to make sure the meeting would go well, after all. He could protect her so that she could finally meet his new family.

"Hi. I- yeah." She smiled awkwardly and Jimin came over to her, breaking the tension while inviting her to sit next to him because he had so many things to tell her that Jungkook did the past few years. And as much as Jungkook whined because he would have liked it if the stories could have at least waited a little bit, he still smiled, not letting go of (Y/N)'s hands, watching her carefully as he saw her smiling at Jimin, telling him that she, herself, got a few to tell.

"I'm thrilled to hear them then because we are missing quite a lot on baby Jungkook." Taehyung had jumped in, not missing an opportunity to get his little brother dirty.

"(Y/N), be careful of what you say, because you often were involved so I have quite the blackmail as well," Jungkook smirked while she looked at him playfully.

"Trust me, you were always the one to get us caught though, so at least, I have some glory in the stories." She laughed quietly, sitting between Taehyung and Jimin, still searching for Jungkook's hands and eyes. He smiled seeing how flustered she was, so he hurried up to sit across from her, smiling gently at her.

"Don't play too dirty (Y/N), I still have to live with them after this meeting." He laughed and she smirked.

"I don't know, it seems to be a you-problem, not mine." Jimin and Taehyung laughed as she retorted, while Jungkook only chuckled as he knew that she would probably still not go into too embarrassing stories.

Namjoon and Seokjin watched the interactions with bright eyes, seeing their youngest so happy made them feel light-hearted too. It had been a while since he had looked this relaxed. They all had been confused when he had, one year ago, canceled his trip to Busan with Jimin. He had seemed so excited about it, yet he had suddenly called Seokjin, and later called again to tell them he needed to cancel the whole trip with Jimin, talking about an old friend that none of them knew about. It had taken them aback; they all had wondered if he was telling the truth. It seemed surreal even for Jungkook to suddenly talk so highly about someone he had never mentioned before. He had barely taken the time to mention a plane crash, leading them to link it with the recent news. Once back, Jungkook had looked tense, but it had also seemed like he was feeling much lighter as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulder. They had all been concerned at first, yet, Jungkook had seemed so focused to make 'things right' with that friend that they had not dared question him too much. He became much brighter a few weeks after when he claimed that he and his old childhood best friend had begun texting more casually and that he was happy to be able to check on them. It had been weird to suddenly hear Jungkook talking about that girl almost every day, considering that he had never talked about her before. He briefly told them, as he had shared with Jin on the phone, that they had not been on speaking terms because he had cut ties with her after leaving for Seoul. It began to make sense for the members who understood that Jungkook was trying to redeem himself. He was trying his best to catch up on a friendship he visibly cared a lot for. And now that they met her, Namjoon could see Jungkook's shining eyes, almost lightening with stars each time he looked at her.

"Ah, our youngest is head over heels." Yoongi seemed to have caught it up too.

"He's whipped, right? I knew he had something for her when he began to talk about her nonstop." Seokjin chuckled.

"She's obviously very whipped as well, have you seen her?" Hoseok suddenly added and they all focused on her for a minute, noticing how she looked at him when she talked to him.

Namjoon sighed gently, smiling.

"Ah, truly, why aren't they dating already if they are like that? They look like a couple even though they are not." Seokjin complained while the rest of them chuckled.

"What are you talking about, Hyung?" Jungkook suddenly seemed to be able to focus on someone who was not (Y/N) and Yoongi chuckled, amused.

"Don't worry about it, kid. Woo your woman, don't pay attention to us." Seokjin burst into laughter as he heard Yoongi's straight-to-the-point words while Jungkook's cheeks went crimson.

"Hyung! What are you talking about? Don't make terrible assumptions, it could make (Y/N) uncomfortable." Jungkook tried to find a solution but the four of them laughed, leaving (Y/N), Jimin, and Taehyung utterly confused. They weren't following the conversation as they had been talking with the old woman of the restaurant.

"What are you guys talking about?" (Y/N) mumbled, confused while she clearly saw Jungkook panicking as he tried to cover everything up. The old woman chuckled, making (Y/N) look at her again.

"Don't worry too much, they are boys after all." She smiled at her soothingly. (Y/N) huffed, amused as well, but not for the same reasons as everyone.

"Halmeonie, you used to say that when Jungkook and I were fighting when we were kids." She smiled warmly at the memory.

"Hm? I did? Well, he truly didn't change one bit then, he still is the exact same boy, just a bit bigger." She laughed as she left, and (Y/N)'s eyes went back to following Jungkook's frantic form.

He... He truly had not changed one bit, did he? Maybe both of them did, after all.

She was still madly in love with him and he was still her happy pill. Jungkook was just bigger and maybe, maybe, a little bit more mature. Maybe she had grown too. Past resentments and old scars, she felt herself falling for him day after day.

And for once, she was not afraid anymore.

Maybe they had a future together. He looked at her when their eyes met, and she smiled warmly, letting him know that she was happy right now. She was happy to be with him and she hoped they would stay together forever. She had safely found her way back to him after all those years and hardships. She wouldn't say it had been easy, but it had definitely been worth it.

And as she was lost in her mind, smiling at him, Jungkook had similar thoughts while gazing at her.

Her smile was worth all the hardships they went through, and he planned on keeping her as happy as he could. Maybe one day he'd confess again, but properly this time.

♦︎♢♦︎

THANK YOU FOR READING FIND A WAY.

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purecommemasolitude · 1 year

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top 5 retj songs

NOO bestie how could YOU make ME pick

okay this is a tad bit late but

5. Le duel - this is the one that barely made the list f in the chat. It can work, but it can also fall flat, which balances out the great versions to fall here

4. Coupables - As much as I think RetJ generally excels more at big ensemble numbers than solos, this one simply does not make the cut to go any higher. It's great and sad, just not AS great as the higher songs

3. Demain - actually this one could be changed with coupables tbh. But this is the one that gave me goosebumps the first 200 times i listened to it, plus there's just so many opportunities for cool staging (don't get me wrong staging for Coupables is funky but it's a simplicity-is-the-best-policy then whereas for Demain you can do So Much) not to mention this is one of the few songs that actually treats Juliette as an equal main character (essentially I'm miffed Romeo gets songs that aren't about Juliette, but Juliette gets way less songs and when she does get her own song, it usually just revolves around Romeo)

2. C'est pas ma faute - ahh angsty tybalt my beloved. But actually, even aside from character enjoyments and tunes, I find cpmf really interesting because of how it explores the effects Verona's hatred has in a much more interesting (IMO) way from most La haines, with the exception of Hungarian & Ozuki Tooma La haines (okay ozuki tooma is a person not a production i know this But i feel like her tybalt acting choices justify the lyrics) and also from the perspective of a character who has felt its effects in a less "acceptable" way?? idk if that makes sense but I just think it's neat :) also a very interesting exploration of tybalt's character as well as verona

La vengeance - yknow after typing the last one I'm reconsidering having this be first and that be second akjhg. but like i said even during its worst, i feel like retj excels at big group numbers, and this was the first song for which when i watched it in my first watch-though (excluding songs i already knew) i went "oh i LIKE this" because it's just so oogh yknow? it's so atmospheric and really augments (is that a word in English.) the emotion and feeling of the stakes and it's like. well. it's just oogh. plus it's also a really neat example/case study of how verona's endless cycle of violence continues! and the little dialogue bit before for lady c is a really funky wunky look into the capulet family world + dynamics

#retj #romeo et juliette #ask #ask game

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storybook-souls · 1 year

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top ten books i read in 2022

in order of how much i enjoyed them, not necessarily how good they are, although i do stand by them all being good. limited myself to one per series bc i do think otherwise seven out of these ten would be the raven cycle and the locked tomb series. add me on storygraph @strawberrrysky for more book opinions and also bc i desperately want more storygraph friends

(i promise my descriptions get shorter as i go on)

1. The Raven Boys, by Maggie Stiefvater

i somehow missed reading trc when i was a teenager and then avoided it for a while out of a combination of stubbornness and a total misconception of what the books were about. fortunately this year my friends responded to my plea for fantasy books in a modern setting by telling me to just suck it up and read the raven boys already and by the end of chapter 1 i was intrigued, by the end of chapter 7 i was locked the fuck in, by the end of chapter 15 i was like “oh okay this is gonna be my personality for a while.” the prose, the system of magic, the atmosphere, and above all the characters...augh. i love these books and i love the raven boys in particular i think maggie stiefvater REALLY knows how to establish her characters and her world and how to pull a reader in and how to give you that bubbly “it was starting!” feeling right alongside the characters. also the whole last act of this book made me experience brand new emotions. i could go on but i think everyone who hasn’t read these books yet should at least CONSIDER it.

2. Harrow the Ninth, by Tamsyn Muir

it’s CRAZY how good this book (the second in the locked tomb series) is. it’s CRAZY. it shouldn’t work but it absolutely does. the prose, the set-up and payoff, the hiding things in plain sight. there’s NOTHING more satisfying than the way everything clicks together at the end. tamsyn muir said “you ARE going to read this book that’s inexplicably in second person and seems at first to totally disregard the first book in the series and you’re going to love it” and i respect her so much for that. and the CHARACTERS! the PLOT! genuine masterpiece i think it’s one of the smartest-written books i’ve ever read

3. Gravity is the Thing, by Jaclyn Moriarty

i LOVED this book. Jaclyn Moriarty’s prose is so melodic and fun to read--usually when i read a book in three days it means something about the plot really seized me but in this case it was more just how much i was enjoying her style. it manages to balance a sense of whimsy with feeling real and honest, which is exactly what i want from this kind of contemporary fiction. book about connection, book about grief, book about hope, loss, healing, resilience, imagination...when i finished it i cried for half an hour and it felt like my soul had taken a shower

4. Piranesi, by Susanna Clarke

Piranesi had been “at the top of my to-read list” for over a year by the time i finally got to it and i was a bit worried my expectations were going to be too high but oh my GOD was it every bit as good as everyone said. NO one is doing it like this book and I don’t want to tell you much more about it because I think the less you know the better but what a win for slow reveals and satisfying endings.

5. The Book of Eels, by Patrik Svensson

my nonfiction winner for this year. I learned so much about eels and also cried about humanity and family which is always what I’m looking for from a book

6. The Only Good Indians, by Stephen Graham Jones

i have GOT to get into reading more horror this book was so awesome. scary and brilliantly written and atmospheric and didn’t pull its punches even at all.

7. Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton

one of my few re-reads this year but i LOVE this book, especially the masterful slow build in the first half of it. the horror of a dinosaur eating someone is one thing, the horror of human hubris and dramatic irony is another.

8. The Devourers, by Indra Das

the most visceral book i’ve ever read i think. now THIS is love and consumption! now THIS is a book about telling stories and being human!

9. Artificial Condition, by Martha Wells

The murderbot diaries are like. 80% funny and fast-paced and action packed and then all of a sudden you’ll hit a line or a concept that makes you have to put the book down and take a few laps around the room. Murderbot’s relationship with ART especially made me really feel like I was losing my mind. This is what I like about sci-fi.

10. The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman

this book is incredibly well written and i think the horror elements stuck with me more than some of the actual horror books I read this year. just a really gorgeous and atmospheric and dreamlike story that manages to convincingly feel like it’s playing with huge things while still keeping the scope of the story very small. like a whole ocean in a pond, one could say,

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

11. The Queen’s Gambit, by Walter Tevis (can’t help it i’m a sucker for a chess game)

12. Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn (i think i’d’ve liked it more if i hadn’t already known all the twists but even knowing what was going on it was still fucking awesome)

13. Owls of the Eastern Ice, by Jonathan C. Slaght (i think i learned more from this one than anything else i read this year)

14. The Traitor Baru Cormorant, by Seth Dickinson (no one is doing it like her)

15. Black Cake, by Charmaine Wilkerson (a win for my book club)

#tlt #trc #booklr #top 10 books #long post #all these books are awesome. if you read them dm me. or if you've ALREADY read them dm me.

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hinatastinygiant · 9 months

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34 | Stepping into the Light

Pairing: Mikey x Fem!Reader

Undercover Masterlist

It's been about a month since Taiju's lock up and today is the first time you're bringing your two siblings back to your old him. The Black Dragons have started to rebuild their organization thanks to the help of Toman, Takemichi, and you, which you want to prove to your siblings.

As you enter the building, you can't help but notice the big change in the atmosphere. While the physical appearance may be the same, the aura of the place feels different, the place now filled with hope and determination.

Yuzuha grips your hand tightly, clearly feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves. This is the first time she's been here since Taiju's reign ended, and it's understandable that it brings up some emotions.

Once you're inside, Draken approaches with a warm smile, and he and Hakkai do a friendly fist bump. Yuzuha's grip on your hand starts to get sweat, and she eventually lets go, looking visibly nervous. Last week she had opened up to you about her feelings for Draken, even though she knows he likes Emma. You shoot her a supportive smile, but her face remains unresponsive.

"Well, I've got to go see Takemichi for a bit so-" you begin before Draken cuts you off with a smile.

"Mind if I show the two of you around?" Draken smiles as though the three of you hadn't lived here for most of your lives.

"Thanks," you say, grateful for the opportunity to talk without distractions. You then walk off toward Taiju's old office where Takemichi has set up his things.

"Hey, how's it going in here?" you smile softly as you enter the room where you have dozens of horrible memories with your brother.

"Ah, you know," he shrugs as he puts down his phone. "But actually, I do have a question for you."

"Oh? About what?" you hum as you walk toward him.

"Do you still work at that fighting ring you spent some time at before joining Toman?" he then questions you.

You quickly dismiss the idea, explaining that after your abusive experience, you've wanted nothing to do with that place. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, 'cause I just got off the phone with the old owner... I just bought the place," he smiles nervously, as though waiting for you to blow up at him.

"What?! You know Mikey's not going to like that. The hell do you need a fighting ring for, Takemitchy?" you grumble, shaking your head.

"No, no, I know, Y/N. I'm not going to use it as a fighting ring, but I'm going to turn it into a community center. Mikey's always going on and on about a place where people can find support so it made me think of that place," he tells you before his eyes shift to something more serious.

"Okay so then was that what you were going to ask me? For my support when you go tell Mikey?" you ask him.

"I want you to run it," he gulps nervously. "Y-your old boss won't be involved in any way. You can even be the one to fire him if you want."

You hesitate upon hearing his words, feeling overwhelmed by the thought of the new job. "But what about working here with you? I'm sorry, Mitchy, but I don't think I'll have the time."

Just then, Draken enters the room with your siblings in tow. You take a moment to eye the three of them over before asking Hakkai, "What major did you decide on at school?"

"Uhh," Hakkai begins, looking a bit embarrassed. "I haven't quite decided that yet, Y/N..."

Suddenly, the idea hits you. "Takemitchy, if it's alright with you... could we let Hakkai try out the community center?"

"You want me to do what?" Hakkai gulps as Takemichi's eyes widen.

"Yeah, I think that would be a great idea. Are you interested," he then asks Hakkai.

You turn to Hakkai, and he nods, agreeing that it would be way less stressful than constantly having nightmares about picking what to study. "So, when can I start?" he asks with an excited smile.

"Well, I can have you going by the end of the month. Does that sound good?" Takemichi hums as he looks down at the paperwork in front of him.

"Y-yeah, yes! It does! Thank you so much," your brother continues to beam as he looks at Yuzuha reciprocating his smile.

Just then, Draken chimes in, explaining that the reason why they barged in is because Mikey's outside and wants to talk to you. You then excuse yourself from the room and walk outside where, standing by the entrance, you see Mikey. A small grin grows across your lips as you recall the last time you stood here with him- just before he escorted you to the hospital.

As you step outside, Mikey greets you with a warm smile. "Hey, how's your day going?" he asks.

"Good," you reply, returning his smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to take you out for lunch," he says, his eyes sparkling.

You playfully kiss his cheek and say, "Well, I was in the middle of talking to Takemichi about some business stuff."

Mikey chuckles and says, "Sounds important. Anything I can help with?"

You grin, knowing that Takemichi will discuss the community center plans with Mikey soon enough. "You'll find out soon," you tease.

Mikey places his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers, and says, "Let's go."

You look at him curiously and ask, "Where are we going?"

He smirks and replies, "I'm craving some taiyaki."

You chuckle, knowing Mikey's love for the treat, and say, "Of course, you are."

The two of you walk off together, hand in hand, disappearing from view as you head out for your lunch date. The world may still have its challenges and uncertainties ahead of you, but you know that with your siblings and Mikey by your side, you'll face whatever comes your way next.

THE END

Undercover Masterlist

#mikey x reader #manjiro sano x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers x y/n #tr x you #tr x reader #tr x y/n #tokyo revengers #x fem!reader #x reader #hinatastinygiant #fanfiction series #fanfiction #fanfic #manjiro sano #mikey tokyo revengers #ao3 fanfic #ao3

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lizardgimpking · 1 year

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Book Review: The Lamplighters (Emma Stonex).

Sometimes, you just buy a book because the cover is cool, y’know? This one immediately grabbed my attention last year because of its distinct looking cover-art, and that, paired with its promise of a lighthouse based mystery thriller meant when I saw it for sale in a charity shop a month or so ago, I just knew I had to give it a go. And...well...uhh...it’s okay? Hm.

Told from multiple perspectives across two periods of time, ‘The Lamplighters’ chronicles the mysterious disappearance of three lighthouse keepers in the early 70s, and then follows the wives/lovers they left behind as they’re interviewed by an author about it in the 90s. The way the book sets itself up, you feel like it’s going to be a investigation based thriller where the author tries to piece together the truth behind the seemingly impossible nature of the men’s disappearance. Ultimately though, the direction it take is far slower and unfocused than that, for better in small parts and for worse in others. It’s better in the sense that it really captures the mood and atmosphere of living in the isolating and sea-swept environment of a lighthouse, and indeed living in the isolating and melancholy aftermath of a great loss. If there’s one thing this book does really well, it’s that it really soaks every page with the vibes of its central location, and all the romantic imagery and inner-darkness that comes with it. If you’re a fan of that often quite brutal but all the same still alluring nautical atmosphere, this is gonna be a book that really hooks you in with its strong imagery. I did find myself less enamoured with a lot of the rest of the book, mind. The way in which it tells its story, jumping back and forth between two timelines, with multiple character perspectives in both, but only really giving you some sense of a revelation right at the very end? It can prove a little tedious. Rather than being an intriguing mystery or a slowburn thriller, this is mostly just a mood-piece that dangles an opening intrigue at you and then proceeds to do very little with it, beyond explore the emotional ramifications in increasingly unoriginal ways. Maybe it’s to do with expectations, but given a quote on the back of the book calls it ‘Thrilling’, maybe it’s more that it was mis-sold.

This is more of a pet peeve (And maybe a spoiler as to the direction the book takes so maybe skip this paragraph if you intend to read it), but mystery novels that tease larger, possibly even supernatural concepts at play and then take a long time to reveal something far less interesting fob me off quite a bit. I’ve read a few books of this nature, which tease ghosts and entities at work, only to then ignore that in favour of a more mundane conclusion, and whilst this particular one delivers a little of what could be considered a wider scope, it ultimately chose to underwhelm in its main revelation. At least in my opinion. Also, there’s a narrative thread which teases a lot of potentials and then the book’s conclusion ultimately completely ignores it...and I really don’t like that kinda SHIT. Misdirection perhaps, but it doesn’t work in a book that’s so slow and so lacking in interesting revelations throughout.

I didn’t hate ‘The Lamplighters’, but it did disappoint me. There’s some great atmosphere and imagery to be had throughout its reasonably short read, but it over-promises and under-delivers, and along the way tells a rather straight forward story in a protracted and convoluted nature. If you go into this just looking for a moody slowburn mystery, with melancholy romance and darkness to spare? You’ll probably enjoy it quite a bit. I was looking for something more intriguing, especially given that striking cover and promises of thrills, and ultimately...whilst not dreadful by any means, I didn’t come out of it fully satisfied. Ah well!

Read it or Leave it : Unsure. Reading Next (Ender’s Game by Some Twat *Won’t be Reviewed*)

#Books #novels #reading #review #Emma Stonex #The Lamplighters #Mystery #Lighthouse #Thriller #The Stickman

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zipegs · 2 years

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I’ve been wanting to make a fic rec post for a while and finally decided to just go for it. For the purposes of this list, I’ll be trying to focus on (subjectively) lesser-known completed fics.

Please be sure to heed all archive tags and warnings. Recs will include Hannigram, gen fic, and other pairings (check the very bottom sections).

I won’t be reccing any of my own work, as that’s not the purpose of this, but if you happen to be inclined to check it out, I do go by the same username on Ao3! (:

Happy reading!

The Choicest Cut by Cousin Shelley [T, 1.4k]

Not even a deft hand can turn a sow's ear into a silk purse.

Short, contemplative post-fall fic featuring Hannibal bathing Will after a murder. Features some lovely imagery and a rolling, thoughtful pace that feels very natural!

Bait and Switch by draculard [T, 1.8k]

High on Hannibal’s back, between his shoulder blades, Will feels it — the raised, rough edges of the branding scar.

A really lovely unsettling and atmospheric piece that unravels beautifully. Very contemplative, sort of realilty-bleads-into-unreality in a way that feels really true to the show.

this is my breath in your lungs by chaotic_plotter [T, 3.7k]

For a long time, there has been only Will, Before and Will, After, with Hannibal Lecter the sole marking point between past and future, after which entropy only increases. Now the fall off the bluff is another.

This is a beautifully written piece set immediately after the fall—it features some really wonderful dialogue and narration, and I’m in love with the author’s characterization. The first section is written in second person, but the remainder is in third person, Will POV. This is the first part of an in-progress series but can be read as a standalone.

Holomorphic by tei [E, 5.6k]

Hannibal takes what he wants from Will, and Will takes what he wants from Hannibal.

Mostly focused on their sexual intimacy and the navigation of that intimacy, this fic features Asexual!Will and some non-sexual BDSM. Very beautiful exploration of the more intimate side of their relationship and of the asexuality spectrum, and it’s got some really lovely lines.

sings to me nightly, sings to me brightly by serindrana [E, 3.3k]

It’s a simple case of his overactive imagination, his obsession with Hannibal Lecter, and some crossed wires. It’s not the first time he’s seen something inappropriate mid coitus, and it likely won’t be the last (though he can’t say he has any future prospects at the moment).

It’s been less than twenty-four hours. If he can just get through the night, the memory will fade.

(It won’t. Memories don’t do that, not in the mausoleum of his mind. He can still remember every moment with Hannibal before the betrayal. He can still remember every moment after, too.)

the one in s2 where Hannibal plays Will's body like a theremin

Fun Canonverse PWP with a touch of magical realism! I love the concept of this piece and the execution is wonderful.

each according to its kind by chaparral_crown [M, 192k]

Will does the only reasonable thing that someone fresh out of a mental hospital with no support system does - he leaves, and goes on a road trip to the Pacific Northwest.

---

Season 2 AU.

Okay, this one isn’t lesser-known, but I had to include it. If you somehow haven’t read it yet, I recommend you try it out! The first part is a very lovely meandering road trip west (with cameos by some OCs I fell in love with), followed by a beautiful and atmospheric settling-in in the Pacific Northwest. Of course, Hannibal shows up eventually and sets them on a somewhat rocky emotional journey as they attempt to navigate their past, present, and future relationship.

Sangservi by tei [E, 9.2k]

Will's got plenty of perfectly good blood in the fridge, but he orders takeout anyway.

Something of a Vampire AU/Canonverse mashup. Will’s a newly turned vampire still working for Jack Crawford at the FBI, and Hannibal (when he’s not Ripping or practicing psychiatry) works for Sangservi, an app-based human-blood takeout app. Will orders through the app, and you can guess who shows up to feed him! As per usual, Hannibal handles the service a bit unconventionally.

Theme and Variation by Magical_Destiny [T, 10.5k]

Dr. Hannibal Lecter is composing what very well could be his magnum opus. Or he would be, if not for the distractions of the small music school where he’d taken a position out of sheer practicality. Between underachieving students, scathing reviews of his existing compositions, and the unwanted pursuit of the discourteous music publisher Freddie Lounds, Hannibal is all but certain that Fate itself is against his composition ever being finished to his satisfaction. Worst of all, for the first time in his memory, he feels uninspired.

The final nail in his coffin is the new piano teacher who takes up the vacant studio beside his own, invading Hannibal’s precious isolation. A former performer, long since fallen from the heights of fame…by the name of Will Graham.

Music teacher/musician AU, written for Take Your Fandom to Work Day on Tumblr.

As someone with a decent amount of (mostly layperson) interest and experience in the music sphere, I couldn’t resist reccing this! It’s a very fun and wholesome piece—definitely not rife with darkness or betrayal, and no one in this verse is a cannibal or killer, though the characters are still recognizable and very themselves despite it. A nice little break from the more gut-wrenching side of canon.

acquaint ourselves with vice by chaparral_crown [T, 16.5k]

Garret Jacob Hobbs dies in an ignominious pool of his wife's and daughter’s blood - it takes ten gunshots to do it. Will jokes privately to himself, which is to say he jokes to Evangeline at his side who he knows will understand because she is him, panting around her red mouth, that while he previously did not think he needed glasses, maybe he does now.

---

Will Graham's hiding in a polite shell. His daemon is not. After the death of the Minnesota Shrike, it is advised that he seek professional help in resolving that.

This is a really fantastic daemon/His-Dark-Materials-style Canonverse AU. Both Hannibal and Will’s daemons are perfectly chosen and suited for them; the writing in this piece is riveting and intelligent with fantastic literary references, and the fic is thoroughly engrossing from the start.

where there is smoke, there is fire by chaparral_crown [T, 2.5k]

“You don't get to wander back from dark places without the light stinging your eyes a bit. It reminds you where you come from, and that you can go back to it if you want.”

(A child of Pennsylvania miners, Georgia sees in Dr. Lecter a man that is seeking his lode. From the hospital room down the hall, Will digs for him without thought of how to get back.)

I adore Georgia Madchen!! She deserves so much more attention and this fic provides a morsel of Georgia POV that I’d been craving. Hannigram is tagged, but it’s negligible—the focus is on Georgia and her interactions with family, Will, and Hannibal. Beautiful little canon-compliant snippet that stirs up all my love for her character.

A Damn Slippery Life by Magical_Destiny [T, 2.8k]

After “The Wrath of the Lamb,” Molly drifts off to sleep beside Will’s hospital bed…and wakes to find herself face to face with Hannibal Lecter.

This is another less obscure fic, but I have such a weakness for Molly Graham that I couldn’t not include it. Tagging this as Gen because the focus is the interaction between Molly and Hannibal, but it features background (or maybe a little more than background) Hannigram and Will/Molly. I love fics that explore Will and Molly’s relationship and Hannibal’s place within it, and this one definitely doesn’t disappoint!

Culinary Substitution by AnbarElectrum [M, 8.8k]

No one's sure who told Hannibal about Will's marriage and stepson—the smart money's on Chilton—but he knows. And he doesn't take it well. Calmly. But not well.

Or:

Hannibal prepares a lovely meal for the Graham family. Wasn't that nice of him?

Another fantastic Molly & Hannibal fic, set in an s3 AU where Hannibal escapes prison earlier. This one also features Molly/Will and Hannigram, but, again, the focus is on Molly and Hannibal’s interaction. Really intelligent writing and characterizations, and I love the way this author lets these two play off each other.

Lecter Manor by jonnimir [T, 14.2k]

Will carries the phantom of Abigail with him when he visits Lecter Manor, hoping to dig up secrets of Hannibal's past. But while they hold many secrets, the labyrinthine halls of Hannibal's memory palace also have a mind of their own.

Chiyoh and Abigail Hobbs my beloveds. Two of my favorite women in this show and I love seeing them both in this! This is a really gorgeous, unnerving S3 AU that twists Will’s visit to the Lecter Estate into something a bit more paranormal and psychological horror. The atmosphere is so fantastic in this, and the author really does a great job blurring the lines between reality and hallucination and the supernatural. Really, really cool piece! Will POV, but Chiyoh and Abigail are major players.

le quotidien by cicak [E, 1.8k, bedannibal]

That specific day, the day they finally fucked, was routine.

Pretty much a PWP set during Hannibal and Bedelia’s time in Florence. Short, sexy, and very enjoyable!

a wounded bird, a natural coward by Serindrana [E, 4.8k, bedelia/chilton]

“Would you like to see him?” Chilton asks, brow lifting. “I can get you access, you know. You can see the beast in his cage, get the old scent back.”

“You misunderstand me entirely. No, I do not want to see him, Frederick.”

The use of his first name feels like a slap. Not worth acknowledging my position anymore, his brain supplies, and he should be furious. He should be bristling.

Instead, he’s speechless and-

Oh. Oh, god. He’s getting hard.

Chilton needs a quote from Bedelia Du Maurier for his new book. Bedelia is unimpressed.

Four thousand and eight hundred glorious words of Frederick Chilton being a humiliating mess and Bedelia Du Maurier dominating the hell out of him. I absolutely love the way the author writes these characters—this is the fic and the dynamic I didn’t know I needed.

#hannibal #hannibal fic #hannigram #hannigram fic #honestly astounded i don't have more abigail fic for this #making this has really shown me #that i need to do some more tag diving #also yes i know a lot of this toes the line of 'lesser-known'#but i couldn't help myself #and i also am realizing i need to expand my library lol #mine #mine: fic rec

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anotheranimestan · 4 years

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Steamy Nights

Shouta Aizawa steaminess + suggestive language

Please note that y/n is obviously of age in this one

wc: 2.4k

Tell me why I got 🦋 when writing this loll. This man is fineee

Stretched out on Aizawa’s couch, you were waiting for him to get home after another long day of teaching. A little while ago he’d given you a key to his place, which was a big surprise since he values his privacy so much. Since you hadn’t been able to see him for a few days, you figured tonight would be the perfect time to use it. Work was really taxing on him lately and you knew he was stressed. Probably over stressed. To make the most of the night, you decided to set the atmosphere.

The apartment already had Shouta’s personality all over it. Lots of dark furniture and wood. Absolutely no harsh lighting, just a few dim lamps. His walls were scattered with some paintings he’d bought on your art show dates together. Old books and blankets everywhere. His sweet cat usually curled up in her corner.

He had a drawer full of scented candles. Your favorite was the cinnamon one but he claims it’s too sweet for him. Although you highly doubted he’d even notice the difference, he just holds random stubborn opinions sometimes without any good reason behind it. Just wanting things to complain about. Most people found his pessimistic grumpy attitude unattractive but...he’s just moody. An exterior shell. Inside was was soft and sweet.

You’d just finished lighting a few of the cinnamon candles and putting on some of his favorite music in the background when you heard the door click open.

He’s always so light on his feet. Sometimes if you weren’t paying close attention he’d come in and scare the life out of you on accident.

You rounded the corner, excited to see him.

“Hey Eraserhead.”

You always called him by is pro name when he’s in his hero costume. People usually assumed it was out of respect or privacy but he knew the real reason. You were teasing him. You disliked his hero name and his hero outfit. Recalling the day Present Mic convinced him to use it, you’d pestered him relentlessly to put more effort into it. Insisting he’d regret it one day. He said he didn’t care...but now look at him.

“Please y/n, when are you going to stop calling me that?” He said rubbing his eyes. He was low energy as usual.

“After you change it.”

“I can’t change it.”

“Exactly.” You whispered smugly.

He sighed. No matter how many times you had this conversation you would always win. Rightfully but he wouldn’t admit it.

You drifted over to greet him properly. Brushing the hair out of his eyes and placing a sweet lingering kiss on his cheek.

And as for his boring, baggy costume...you understood it’s purpose. He wore it to stand out less, aiding in his fight style. But it was still a pain since you couldn’t properly hug him in it. The capture weapon was always in your face and you could hardly feel his body through the layers.

His modest attire duped most people. Making his tastefully well built body underneath a best kept secret. Which you supposed was an upside. Only you (and Present Mic for some reason) had ever really gotten to see him shirtless.

“I’m going to change.” He said kissing your forehead. He knew exactly what you were thinking.

He reemerged from his room a few minutes later. Wearing a droopy black shirt and sweatpants that were loose around his hips. You could see the dipped lines of his V. Just north was his lightly defined six pack. And just south was unfortunately concealed under black briefs and his untied waistband...

He caught you staring.

Feeling red and exposed you quickly redirected your attention to something else. “So are you hungry babe? I could make something?”

He declined.

“Okay...what about grading assignments. Do you want help to make it go faster?”

Declined again. Apparently he worked straight through lunch to finish that already.

You were beginning to feel useless. You’re supposed to be making him de-stress but it’s like he was so self-sufficient there was no room for you.

You sat next to him on the couch, his arm wrapped around you. You brushed some hair behind his ear. His long dark hair was always messy from his constant naps. Plus, you constantly running your fingers in it doesn’t help that situation. He was quiet. Massaging his temples. You could see the tension on his face. It made your heart twinge with pain. Just then you noticed his ear fully. He had at least six piercings on this one but he wasn’t wearing any of his earrings. Usually he’d put them on when he wasn’t at work but he didn’t tonight. And you knew exactly why.

“Babe. I have an idea.”

“And what’s that?” He played along.

He would take them out when he secretly wanted one of your amazing head massages. You always focus on his ears and temples just like he liked so he’d left out his earrings hoping you’d get the hint. This man could never just ask for something in his life. Luckily you could read him like a book.

“Come on.” You purred. Pulling him with both hands off the couch. He complied wearily.

Aizawa didn’t spend much of the money he made from pro hero work on lavish things. The only times he splurged was to buy you nice gifts. However, you did convince him to purchase one nice thing for himself. You knew he wanted it anyways but was just too stubborn to actually buy it.

A jacuzzi tub. He loves hot baths after a day of dealing with his “problem children” students. It was the only thing that could get his muscles to relax. And the moisture from the steam felt nice on his eyes.

Making sure to bring a candle and the speaker with, you lured him into the bathroom.

“Want to take a bath with me?” You asked sweetly.

“I wouldn’t mind that.” A tiny smile spread on his lips. You were too irresistible to deny.

“Okay you run it and I’ll go get the wine.” You sang excitedly. “But don’t make it so hot. You almost burnt my skin off last time.”

“It felt normal to me.” He said casually.

“Yea because you’re a psychopath.” You quipped before springing to the kitchen.

You guys had two types of favorite wine. One was for your long deep discussions about art and literature. Or when asks for your advice on dealing with his students because he knows he’d just lose his temper and expel them without your ideas. And the other, the pricier and far more potent one, was saved for special moments. Just like these. You poured your glass full, of course, but you filled his to the tippy top. Not only did he need it, but Lord knows tipsy Aizawa was sexy.

When you returned, he was crouched over testing the water temperature. His face gently lit from the soft glow of the candle in the dark room.

“I made sure to cool it off. No psychopaths here.” He teased trying to sound bored. But his voice was noticeably happier than when he’d arrived.

You instructed him to take a few sips of wine, desperate to get that show rolling.

“I know what you’re doing.” He said with an amused little smile. He swapped the cups in your hands so you now claimed the full one.

“Good. So then you should know exactly how to play along.” You said as you switched the glasses back with a wink.

He sighed in defeat. But that rare smile was still adorning his cheeks. He took a few y/n-approved size drinks.

His hair was falling into his eyes again. You set your glass down on the tub edge and pulled him into you. He wrapped his arms around your waist while you pushed his hair back and secured it in a clip.

“I didn’t know you were coming tonight.” He said softly.

“I know. Now that I have a key I wanted to come bother you a bit.”

His eyebrow raised at the word bother.

You panicked slightly. Hoping he wasn’t actually bothered that you’d come uninvited.

“That does sound like you.” He said as he kissed your nose. “I hope you do it more often.”

Your heart spasmed.

“Really? You do?” Your insecurities ears’ perked up.

“Why wouldn’t I want that?” He said in his deep sleepy voice.

A happy little smile broke its way through. You could only shrug in response.

You slipped your hands under his shirt and pulled it up slowly. Dragging your knuckles along the dips and bumps of his abs as you went. Gently you pulled it over his head. He helped by raising his arms which just made the rest of his muscles flex. Your heart started beating a little faster. No matter how many times you saw him he always made you flustered.

Your eyes were glued on him. His tattoos were now completely visible. Another best kept secret. They trailed around his shoulder, back and half his chest. You placed some honeyed kisses on his collar bones as you pulled down his sweatpants and briefs to leave him fully undressed. He was mouthwatering type sexy. The candlelight was highlighting all his high points in the best possible way. The music was perfectly complimenting your emotions and the sleepy eyes staring at you so lovingly were severely compromising your thought process. There were a lot of things you wanted to do with him suddenly but you focused your eyes on the goal here. A relaxing, hot bath.

Bath bath bath.

Reluctantly containing yourself you pried his hands off your waist and nudged him towards the water.

“Okay okay, go on.”

“You’re coming too right?” He said as he grazed your bottom lip with his thumb.

You nodded, butterflies erupting in your tummy.

He laid down in the water and took some more large swigs of wine. His glass was half empty before you’d even taken your first sip. He watched you undress with intent in his eyes, soaking in every curve and dip of you as well. He reached an arm out to you once you’d fully unclothed. He wanted his hands on you immediately.

But you had a goal here. Bath. Massage. Focus.

You slipped in behind him so that he laid between your legs. His broad shoulders nearly covered your whole body when he leaned back against you.

The tub was huge. Easily fit you both and could probably add another person.

“And now for my favorite part.” You announced as you switched the tub on its low setting. The rumbling under the water sending tiny vibrating waves around the whole tub.

Definitely worth spending his money.

Your hands rubbed every inch of him you could reach. His abs, the thick muscular sides of his waist, his biceps. You alternated between hugging his neck whispering cute things in his ear and massaging him.

Of course he was practically falling asleep as you spent time on his ears and temples. His head was heavy against your chest. It was so cute. You loved when he fell asleep on you.

But you knew he was keeping himself awake. He was rubbing your legs and the backs of your thighs. Squeezing and kneading them gently. Placing kisses on your arms and hands whenever he got the chance.

After about 20 minutes and one refresh of hot water, both your glasses were empty. He’d drank most of it since he’d downed the last few sips of yours too.

Wanting to see his handsome face again you shifted and positioned yourself to sit on his lap, thighs wrapped snuggly around his waist. After making sure you were fully comfortable, he leaned back against the tub and closed his eyes. He pulled you close and trailed circles with his fingertips up and down your back under the warm water. He loved the weight of you on him. You both exhaled a deep stress relieving breath.

The steam was working its magic, the rumbling of the jets felt so good massaging your legs. And his heart beat, you could feel it through his chest. It was slow and steady. Making you drowsy off him.

He noticed you were lost in thought, stroking his hair and tracing your fingers along the lines of his tattoo. He took advantage of this time to soak in all your features, watching you under drooping lashes. The flush of your cheeks, the delicate arrangement of your beauty marks. The far off expression on your face, he knew it well. He loved observing you when you were like this. You were beautiful.

“Relaxed yet?” You purred. Starting to tease him with soft kisses.

“Almost there.” He replied before catching you to deepen the kiss. Your soft skin and body heat was melting him away. He wanted more. Using both hands he pressed your back into it.

He savored your lips for a long while, becoming more and more passionate as the seconds ticked by and the wine hit his bloodstream.

You felt him shifting underneath you. Squirming slightly from the pressure that was building up. More butterflies. His hands clamped down around your hips.

“Okay your plan worked.” He smiled into your kiss. Eyes still closed.

“I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re referring to.”

He tapped his finger against the empty wine glasses.

You started sucking on the sensitive spot under his ear. You knew tipsy Shouta always got turned on by that.

His arms both constricted tightly around your waist. His hips were pressing up into you now with impatience.

“Let’s go to my room.” He concluded. You giggled, causing your lips to vibrate against his sweet spot. You heard the soft moan from deep in his throat.

He stood up keeping you wrapped tightly around him, carrying you with ease.

He half-heartedly patted you both down with a towel, his hand not losing contact with your ass for a second.

Before he could whisk you out of the bathroom you grabbed the speaker and candle again.

The scent wafted into the air around you.

“Mm that smells good.” He said distracted for only a moment before his lips gravitated to your body again.

“Oh really. So you do like it.” You said with the smuggest tone. “You’ll never guess what scent it is Shouta.”

He didn’t reply. Too distracted with kissing your shoulders.

“Cinnamon.” You said with as much sass and emphasis as you could muster.

He paused. Caught. How did you always get him like this?

He pulled back rolling his eyes with a smile. Nose to nose now, you pressed him further with a smirk.

He cocked an eyebrow at you. Looking directly in your eyes he said, “Mhm. Keep this same energy when I take you in there.”

And just like that he’d knocked down your resolve and your whole body started fluttering.

He carried you into his bed and you two “relaxed” for the rest of the night.

😳 the way I want to be y/n.

#aizawa shouta #aizawa imagine #aizawa fluff #aizawa smut #aizawa headcanons #aizawa x you #aizawa x y/n #aizawa x reader #mha aizawa #aizawa sexy #aizawa sensei #aizawa fanart #aizawa fanfiction #aizawa drabble #my hero academia aizawa #aizawa angst #shouta aizawa x reader #mha shouta #shouta fluff

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freindly-neighbourhood-anarchist · 3 years

Text

☀︎︎-: 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍 :-☀︎︎

Kimetsu no yaiba x reader

°•.《 characters 》.•°

Rengoku, Giyuu, Shinobu, Sanemi

Tw: Swearing because Sanemi is Sanemi

____________________________________________

I'm definitely gonna binge write this series after watching the movie, I literally cant stop thinking about it--

Send in as much requests as you want!! :))

I do fluff, different AU's, angst and NSFW(we'll see).

Keep in mind, I havent read the manga. I'm caught up to the train Arc and that's it, so try not to spoil anything by requesting characters that havent appeared yet lol

« `` •"𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞~"• ´´ »

☼︎ ☀︎︎ʀᴇɴɢᴏᴋᴜ ᴋʏᴏᴜᴊᴜʀᴏᴜ☀︎︎ ☼︎

Holding hands is sort of a need for him-

He's huge with PDA and holding your small hand within his reassures him quite a bit. He never needs to ask to hold your hand, he just grips it whenever and wherever.

I feel like he'll sense when your nervous and be really perceptive, so he'd hold your hand to ground you in a way

It's highly effectve.

"Delicious!" Your energetic boyfriend chirped, eating his takoyaki with fervour and a bright smile.

You ate your own food from across him, shaking your head a little with a slight smile slanting onto your lips.

It's definitely been a long day, so winding down and eating with your amazing boyfriend is definitely a preferable way to end it.

He sort of sensed your stress as you came back from training, sweat sleek across your forehead. And thus, he ran a bath for you and then took you out for dinner to take your mind off of whatever was bothering you.

He's always had a keen intuition and was brilliant at reading emotions on others. It was a weird super power at this point. But he noticed how relaxed you were now that you were with him, it melted his heart.

His eyes flickered over your expression, his eyes soft with adoration and affection." This is certainly calming after a long day!" He exclaimed happily.

At his jolly aura, you nodded in agreement," Honestly... It's like you have some weird superpower to make me forget about whatever was annoying me. Kinda freaky." You shivered.

Letting out a hearty laugh, the man reached out, interlacing his long fingers with yours suddenly. The warmth of his skin sending goosebumps over your arms.

"I just know you too well! Nothing wrong or freaky about that!" His grin was filled with light.

Your fingers tightened around his, his warm skin seemed to be heating up your own body as well. Thank God, you were beginning to get cold anyways.

"Have I ever told you about how cute your hands are!" It was more of a statement than a question, pulling his hand and your hand closer to him so he could get a better glimpse at your soft hands." So tiny... So soft. It's like I'm being touched by an angel!"

"Geez, you're cheesy."

"You love it~!"

"... Fair point."

•«☔︎ 𝙜𝙞𝙮𝙪𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙤𝙠𝙖 ☔︎»•

Bro I'm sorry, but I dont think he holds your hand much-

I feel like he thinks he doesnt need to show how much he loves you through actions, more so through blunt words.

But he will get the sudden urge to hold your hand every once in a while, so be prepared because he could get the jump on you at any point.

Doesnt like PDA that much, it makes him slightly uncomfortable because it's in public but I feel like he would get used to it later in your relationship.

Ocean-blue eyes stared at you hesitantly as you continued to speak about the new breathing technique you had learned.

Both you and Giyuu were walking peacefully through the garden you had grown over the years, the plants varying in different colours and sizes. They reminded him of you.

Your peaceful personality cued him to remember the petals of the flowers blowing gently in the breeze. Not to mention you smell very distinctly and sweet just like the flowers as well.

But as he walked with you in this haven, he felt pretty agitated and frustated. He hid it well with his usual deapan expressions, but he could feel the pit of the emotions growing bigger.

His hand twitched suddenly when the back of yours brushed against his, his cheeks tinting pink at the abrupt contact.

Gulping, he looked straight ahead with sharp eyes and a furrowed brow.

The atmosphere shifted.

And when you had stopped talking, he knew that you had noticed the harsh shift as well.

"Giyuu?... Are you feeling okay? You look like you're burning up." You questioned out of concern, a worried expression upon your face.

Shaking his head briefly, the ravenette continued to walk with his head staring straight ahead," I feel optimal. Why do you ask?" He was so obviously trying to change the subject.

You frowned a little at the stiff response and opened your mouth to respond but your boyfriend had beaten you to it.

"Let me h-... Hold your... Hand... Please." He uttered, looking down with red cheeks, an embarrassed scowl squirmed on his lips.

You were silent for a long while, making him wait nervously for your answer. What he wasn't expecting was the cute snort of laughter coming from you and grabbing his hand tightly within your own, your other hand wrapping around his forearm like it was a substitute teddy bear.

His cheeks heated up tenfold and he had to look away before you noticed.

"You're such a cutie. You don't need to ask to hold my hand you know?" You teased lightly, nudging him playfully by bumping your hip against his.

"I-it's embarrassing." He retorted.

"Whatever, cutie."

"No."

"Yes."

"Stop it."

꧁ꕥ 𝑲𝒐𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒖 𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒖 ꕥ꧂

She would sooo tease you for wanting to hold her hand-

Like, she would hold it obvi, but she'd tease you about it for a good 5 minutes before finally giving up lol

Flustering you is one of her favourite pastimes, it was what your relationship was built on top of in the first place. Teasing eachother was always a thing you guys did.

But Kocho takes teasing to a MAXIMUM.

It's like you guys are challenging eachother to a tease off and she just refuses to loose. She'd rather die.

Dramatic but true

What a fucking queen-

"Ara, ara~ what was that? You want to hold my hand?" The raven haired woman pressed her hand against her lips, raising a suggestive eyebrow at you." Oh~ How scandalous! You're saying we should do pre-martial hand holding? why, that's practically a crime!"

You deadpanned at your girlfriend's words," Holding your hand is a crime?..."

"Mmhm!"

"But we literally made-out yester-"

She smiled at you passive-aggressively," I'm afraid we can't hold hands until we're married! Too bad!" She sighed, pretending to seem devastated ," How could you suggest we do such a lewd thing? In public, no less! You're quite the little scoundrel, hmm?~"

Your deadpan only deepened," Well then... I guess I'll just have to marry you then, hm? So I can hold your hand for the rest of my life." You chimed out, a slight twinkle in your eye. At the sight of Kocho's cheeks tinting a bright red, you smirked in triumph." Oya~? What's that I see? Is that blush?" You poked her warm cheek affectionately," I think it iiiis~!"

Biting her lip, Kocho scoffed and rolled her eyes," Just because you won doesn't mean you-... Shut up." She huffed out, losing her composure.

" Aha! So I won." You grinned out," I think I deserve a prize for winning for like... the first time." You said that last part quickly.

" You're not getting a kiss, if that's what you're referring to!" She smiled up at you passive aggressively.

Now the win didn't even feel like a win.

I guess, Kocho will always win in the end.

You pouted at her, eyebrows furrowed," You're so petty...." You groaned out, before a cheeky grin crossed over your lips," How about letting me hold your hand instead?"

Kocho stared at your grin with an unimpressed look, before her eyes softened and a gentle smile spread onto her perfect lips." Wipe that cheeky grin off of your face and I might consider it."

A bright smile instantly spread onto your lips and you held out your hand expectantly for her to take it. Her radiant smile only widened and her hand settled into yours, her warm fingers closing over your own as if she was keeping them safe in her hold.

" Now you have to marry me." She stated simply," I want to hold your hand in mine for the rest of my life as well."

᯾༄𖦹.𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕘𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕖𝕞𝕚 .𖦹༄᯾

BRUUUUH THIS FUCKING MAN-

Ok, so hear me out lol-

I have read up on his character a tiny bit and bro he's such a fucking SOFTY like-

If you were to ask him to hold your hand he'd highkey have to process what you said for like a minute or two before finally agreeing to it lol

He has such a tough-guy exterior when on the inside he's actually really caring to those who are important to him.

Definitely one of those characters who seem like pricks but they like something cute like cats or something-

"Uhm... Sanemi?" You spoke up suddenly, interrupting the peaceful silence.

Your boyfriend broke out of his daze of appreciating your beauty and hummed to let you know that he was listening, picking up some of his uneaten rice with his chopsticks.

"Can... Can I h-hold your hand?"

He choked on the rice he was eating, coughing into his fist and thumping his other hand against his chest to try and get the rice that shot down the back of his throat to go down.

You went to get out of your chair to help him, concern etched onto your face, but he held a hand up to stop you. Instead, you simply passed your water to him, as of which he chugged greatfully.

When he had finally gained his composure, he held out a slightly trembling hand, his cheeks tinted red as he let out a gruff," yeah... Of course you can, idiot. You don't have to ask..."

Adoration bloomed in your chest at his words and you grabbed his outstretched hand, instantly interlocking your fingers with his. Absentmindedly, you ran your thumb up and down his hand comfortingly as you smiled like an idiot to yourself.

Ba-dump.

Sanemi's heart thumped in his chest at the look of love on your face, feeling his whole body heating up. The wind pillar was known for being ruthless, intimidating and quite frankly... A bit of an asshole.

But around you? He's a completely different person.

Between you and his little brother, he's always going to have a huge soft spot for you both.

So he'll always treat you well.

Squeezing your hand lovingly, he let a slight smirk curl onto his lips," You look like a dumbass smiling like that.... You must really like me, huh?" He tried to tease.

"I don't like you."

Arrows shot through his heart, his smirk dropping in an instant," Oi-!"

You giggled at his response," I love you."

The frown on his lips wobbled a little, threatening to break out into an idiotic smile. Clearing his throat, he looked away from you and pressed the back of his unoccupied hand against his mouth to hide the smile that threatened to appear.

"Oh..." He could only respond with," y-yeah... Same here."

"You're so socially inept."

"I'm damn not!!" He grumbled, eyebrows furrowing," I fucking love you too!! Is that better?"

You grinned childishly, bringing his hand up to your mouth and placing a light kiss to it," much better."

It's safe to say that this was the day he vowed to marry you.

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saabbi · 3 years

Text

Regret part 10

Moonlit conversation

Genshin Impact Adeptus! reader

warnings: -

word count:~1.3k

notes: happy mid autumn festival! This chapter is purely about Childe and Tsarista.

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The Tsarista is hard to understand.

“Your highness?” the gingered male peeked into the dimly lit room carefully, making sure he's not disturbing his archon.

Deep blue eyes searched the room until they landed on a lonely figure by the window sill, silently gazing at the Snezhnaya waters.

The Tsarista looks back a bit, gesturing to him to come closer.

Childe obliges. He came to find her to have a talk, even if he has yet to figure out what to say. The Tsarista has been rather fickle lately, it seemed like she was making rash decisions.

Even though he knows the Tsarista always have everything planned out. The reasons behind her actions were surely ones a mortal like him couldn’t understand.

The Tsarista is hard to understand.

Not even her closest subordinates - harbingers, could see through her. All her thoughts are masked with the iconic smile, one not sinister nor genuine.

It’s just one without any emotions, an eerie and intimidating smile.

To say the least, the Tsarista is someone incredibly… calculating. Each step she takes, each word she utters, are all through careful consideration.

Fickle and unpredictable. No one could guess her next movement. She slips away like ice.

Which is why, small talk coming from her is completely uncalled for.

“The pier was lively today.” Her quiet and breathless voice caught Childe off guard, shoulders flinching at the unexpected voice.

Has the sun risen from the west? Has the snow melted in Snezhnaya?

Childe carefully observed the divine being, perturbed by her unusual behaviour.

Silky hair pale as snow, cold as ice. A sharp and glacy gaze that sends even the most arrogant humans shivering. Contrasting to her bitter cold appearance, a burning desire could be felt within her glacy pupils. A being said to be so ethereal that just one glance would captivate all men and women across Teyvat-

Except something was a bit different from usual. Childe rubbed his eyes to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.

Is she…frowing? Could it even be considered a frown?

Very slightly, almost goes unnoticeable, was her furrowed brows and tired eyes that observed the pier.

Her usual smile remains, but less… stoic?

Not one necessarily of affection nor gentle, but rather… relieved?

The Tsarista mostly appear to be disinterested in a lot of things, usually displaying an indifferent attitude.

Yet somehow she feels expressive today.

As if her cold facade had faded just for a bit, walls thinned down just a little.

He feels it’d be okay to ask her.

“Your highness…” cautiously, while being wary of any change in her expression, “why did you...?”

Why did she do that to you? What was her intention in exiling you after draining every last bit of your power? Remains unsaid.

She glances at her harbinger once, before refocusing on the sea, watching the wobbly reflection of the moon in the gentle tides.

“There was no need to keep up the pointless charade, is there?” the words themselves are cold and harsh, but something lies beyond.

“It’s been far too long. That child has been by my side for so many years. ” Childe patiently waits for the Tsarista to continue. It seems that she is in the mood for talking today, willing to share more.

“My initial plan to utilise adeptus power has been met, there is simply no need to keep that child around any longer.” The soft moonlight basking her figure made her even paler.

The queen of Snezhnaya is hard to understand.

Her words were so subtle and ambiguous, hard to fully uncover the hidden meanings.

Childe may not be the brightest, but for some reason he thought he might just have a faint idea on what she’s conveying.

Archons make the mistakes too. He recalled what Zhongli once told him, when he was still naive enough to not realise his true identity.

Archons, deities with absolute authority. But the geo archon had him realising even divine beings feel remorse for their own actions.

But guilt doesn’t seem to be the right word to describe what the current Tsarista is feeling.

It’s something else, hiding deep behind those walls.

“Did you know? There’s a tradition in Liyue for families to reunite under the full moon, no matter how far they parted.” she gazes at the luminous full moon.

Snezhnaya’s queen does not have any love left for her people - a saying he had heard from somewhere long ago, describing the one and only ruler of his home.

Being an archon does not mean they’re perfect, nor can they protect all their loved ones. In Zhongli’s case, he learnt, would be giving up his beloved adeptus for the sake of his people, and losing close friends in the ancient war.

Then how about the Tsarista? She must have lost something precious too.

But that is not for him to butt into.

“I’m sure the weather would be nicer there, without the neverending snowstorms and hail.”

Does the Tsarista truly have no love left for her people?

“As a previous envoy to Liyue, I guarantee that it’s warm and cosy.” a cheeky grin started to form on his face, getting wider and wider.

But perhaps he already knows the answer.

The Tsarista lets out a soft hum at his response, somewhat sounding relieved.

“Your highness, did you know? Morax frequently forgets to bring mora…”

“And he bought a vase for 1 million mora, and I had to pay!”

“Then La Signora knocked Scaramouche’s hat off! He was so pissed!”

“And that moose-deer being talked! I had no idea it was an adeptus!”

Light chuckles and giggles filled the quiet atmosphere along with Childe’s innocent and non-stop rambling.

Just for today, it’s okay for her to drop her facade.

Maybe, the Tsarista is not as unfathomable.

An archon may not be so different from human mortals, after all.

“I’m sure that Zhongli and them are having a great time.” his grin so wide and bright, “that child, well, a child older than me, is finally back home after all.”

“Happy full moon day, your highness.”

“I believe the correct saying is ‘happy mid-autumn festival’, Tartaglia.”

Childe awkwardly rubbed his head and broke out into a loud laughter.

“Could you help me deliver something when you visit Liyue again?” She reaches into her pocket, pulling out a tarnished necklace.

One that is cracked, but pieces of it has been carefully assembled and glued together.

One that resembles the shape of a flower he hadn’t seen in Snezhnaya.

One that seems to be of very old age, considering the oxidized parts. It couldn’t be worth much. Who is the Tsarista giving this to?

“It’s something that child left behind.” Ah. A sudden realisation hits him. So it was not the Tsarista’s own belongings.

“What was done was inevitable for the final destination, I don’t regret it. Yet… that child has been with me for quite some time.”

“That child had quite a hard time. This… is something they held dearly before.” She points at the necklace, running her fingers over the flower. “I wasn’t sure how to give it back.”

So that was why the Tsarista held onto something that seemed so… worn out.

Even though Childe still disapproves of her actions towards you which caused you to suffer, he feels as if he gained a deeper understanding of his archon.

She is meant to be someone brutal who would commit atrocities just to achieve her goal, even if she believes it will lead to peace.

Perhaps that’s why she always kept a certain distance from you. The Tsarista has done terrible things, so, so many heartless and ruthless deeds.

Or maybe, the archons are just not good at communication. Childe huffs at his own thoughts, recalling both Zhongli’s and Tsarista’s expressions when talking about you.

Archons are just as imperfect as mortals are.

The archons sure are hard to understand.

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