Remember when Louis went on stage with a quiff. In 2023. Insane.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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i opened the doc for my fic coda.... i last opened it on march 13th...... that was probably the last time i felt an ounce of normality in my life
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Back in winter 2022 I started working on a comic of one of my favorite nsfw oneshots, Practical Demonstration, made like five pages, and then promptly dropped it cause I was still in the midst of Art Block From Hell, among other reasons
but the fic series recently got an update and I read it on a flight last week, which has renewed the brainworms :)
The comic's FAR from finished (I've thumbnailed the entire thing and it comes out to twenty-eight pages, while I have thirteen of those pages in varying stages of completion) but I've been having a lot of fun working on it and forcing myself to try and learn new things (backgrounds/environments, in this case) in the pursuit of Harvey Smut LOL
I thought I'd post some WIP shit here, in case ADHD gets my ass and I end up dropping it again 😭 pray for me
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too many of you guys think nico is the loser and not lewis for letting the divorce go on for so long. like they're both losers about each other. emotionally constipated idiots who can't talk about their toxic homoerotic friendship that imploded on itself like 8 years ago and are now making it everyone else's problem. yeah nico's on television or in beer gardens talking about lewis all the time but like every other month some reporter is like "lewis, what's your favorite moment in your career?" and lewis no hesitation is like "oh man, karting, y'know? everything was simpler then" and then spends another six months skirting around nico's name. like this whole thing they're doing in the media isn't some kinda extended foreplay for them. they're both still pressing on the bruise to make sure it's still there!!! every few months, they're literally just asking on public television, does it still hurt for you like it does for me? and like clockwork, someone will release new information about them or one of them will say something about each other (in my heart, he's still my best friend/yes... and teammate) and the answer will remain the same, yes, of course, always.
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Okay, two weeks to go, putting my cards on the table: there is no way in hell that Barriss is going to be an Inquisitor. That's not what this is. Everyone’s taking for granted that because the trailer sets up her training as an Inquisitor that means that we’re seeing a corruption arc for her, but just. Look at her. There is not a single frame of this trailer where she is not visibly looking for the exit. There is not a single frame of this trailer where she isn’t either visibly masking what she’s feeling or just looking determined to survive. This isn’t a start of darkness; it’s Ahsoka getting hunted for sport in Padawan Lost.
We aren’t doing the “we’re setting Barriss up as an Inquisitor so we can give her a redemption arc later” scenario. This is the redemption arc, this is her facing an in-universe attempt to force her into the fanon Inquisitor!Barriss mold that she doesn’t fit into at all, and she’s going to prove it and she’s going to outsmart all of these actual fallen Jedi she’s surrounded by who are trying to make her be like them. When Order 66 happened, Barriss was sitting defenseless in a cell and was offered a series of choices that weren’t real choices. But she knows that, she is not buying into it, and that offers her one, incredibly dangerous route to freedom: convincing them to trust her enough to send her into the field with a lightsaber.
It’s going to be rough, it’s going to be an incredibly dangerous, difficult path for her to navigate—they will make her do some messed up stuff to prove herself and for a moment it might look like she's given into despair—but she’s going to come out the other end of this miniseries having rejected both the Empire and the dark side. Not only as a Jedi in every way that matters but also as someone who is equipped with knowledge of how the Inquisitorius operates, which she can use to save as many people as she can from them—because she knows what happens when they take you alive.
And she's going to do it all onscreen in a story that is about her, she is the main protagonist here, and that is frankly something that was beyond my wildest dreams.
This isn’t wishful thinking on my part, this isn’t me trying to do a preemptive rewrite—this is me looking at what’s onscreen in this trailer, at what they’re telling us, at what they’re not telling us, and seeing the story laid out in front of us.
The only way out is through.
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