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#it fucking sucks so fucking bad i just dont get whats wrong with me
starsoftheeye · 3 days
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TMAGP Live Reaction - Ep 13
This probably won't be a regular thing since I usually listen to the new episodes on my way home from school, but I wanted to do it today and no-one can stop me
Pre-Episode
Aw this dedication is so nice, reminds me of how I used to sign off on social media when I was younger
Pre-Statement
omg samcelia date samcelia date
they're so cute omg
"she also said that you dont know how cute you are" alice dyer youre not fooling anyone
i wanna hear what this interaction sounded like between alice and celia
"nobody, i'm mysterious" this isnt gonna come back to haunt us im sure
omg samcelia dating reveal already
JACKS HER SON OMG
"wild couple of years after i moved here" does this mean that celias way of coping with being dropped in a different universe was to just fuck... iconic
either that or jack got brought along with her and shes just covering it up. or jack has some mysterious origins that we dont know about
omg a horror protagonists with loving, alive parents wow
i was not expecting sam to be this relatable oh no
sam :(
oh no an "incident"
alice :(
i love celia just being "i know we're on a date and thats great and all but what do you think about the Horrors"
ofc you know theyre real you lived through the apocalypse
ah hello lena and gwen
ah gwen is learning about the consequences of delivering a random address to a living mr blobby knockoff
ooh are we gonna get some exposition
yes we are
these are our Fears i presume
you work in the government responsible for discarding peoples experiences and traumas gwen you werent exactly one of the good guys to begin with
guys i dont think shes gonna sort it
Statement
hold music?? hello?? do we recognise this voice?? needles??
i cannot understand what the name of this company is but i do not like them
the autoresponder sounds so cunty who are they i must know
oooh a scottish guy we love a scottish guy
"i pay your wages" sounding ass. telling the autoresponder that youre the highest investor in a gambling app isnt the flex you think it is dude
i think if a website that directly involves the handling of your money does "weird background checks" and has a "janky interface", staying is less of a feat of loyalty and more a feat of stupidity
oh this guy does nfts for sure
are you allowed to blame the warning you didnt listen to for the consequences?
oh his friends suck too
damn all jokes aside i feel bad for this dude
ohhh so is this like the dice where things can only get so good before they go terribly? or is it like a "when your life gets bad your money goes up" thing
ah its the second option
tbf if its not against the law its not against the law
this guy is the definition of "20 pounds is 20 pounds"
suddenly i dont feel as sorry for this guy
i have a sneaking suspicion that this guy did not get his money
oh nevermind
OOOOOOH NEVERMIND THAT NEVERMIND
huh
HUH
DID THEY SEND A CREATURE TO GET HIM WHAT
Post-Statement
Alice!!
Ooooh he got pished
Alice really out here dissing every kind of date I've ever been on
oh no :(
sam no :(
sam apologise please
shes right tho youre in the wrong place if you don't want weird
alice :(
this is why a polycule would fix everything
alice i love you
sam i love you but you deserved that
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pinkandlilacroses · 8 hours
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
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• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {angst}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
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bellas pov
for everyday this week, azzis been over and i haven’t seen jake in a while. hmmm
avery has taken away my weed, and my valium because she says i need to ‘deal with things naturally’ blah blah blah
this week has sucked. especially because avery keeps dragging me to azzis basketball practice, and every practice, paige ignores me. i really need to stop thinking about her.
“its friday, that means you don’t have to go to a practice until monday” avery says, trying to convince me to show up to yet another practice. i don’t even watch basketball, theres literally no point to me being there
“ok, fine”
azzis pov
i know what avery’s doing is wrong. i mean shes cheating on her high school boyfriend with me, but i think im falling for her.
“paige cmon we have practice” i say, shaking paige, attempting to wake her up
“ok, ok, calm down. im up”
“also, avery and bella are coming to practice again”
“bro why” she says, complaining. she doesn’t like bella for some reason, like every time bellas around, she gets annoyed quicker than usual.
“why do you hate bella so much”
“cause she gets to attached” she says.
what.
“what do you mean paige” i say, somewhat yelling
“i mean, we hooked up and she got all mad when i kicked her out, then she blocked me”
“paige are you fucking kidding me” i say, fuming
i cant believe this, the one girl i actually like, of course paige has hooked up with her best friend
“it was before you guys got close” she says, defending her actions
“it doesn’t matter, avery definitely knows. oh my god” i say, getting more and more stressed
“bro it doesn’t matter” she says, getting ready, clearly unfazed by my anxiety heightening
“of course you would do this. why do you have to get with every girl on campus paige, she clearly isn’t like that” i say, yelling
“she was loving it” she says, smirking. why is she not talking this seriously
“your disgusting” i say, slamming the door and walking to practice on my own
azzi
- hey bella, im so sorry about what paige did
- i just yelled at her for you lol
bella
- did she tell you?
azzi
- yeah
- im so sorry
bella
- its ok
- it doesn’t matter
azzi
- does avery know?
bella
- yeah
- its pretty obvious
azzi
- yeah lol
fuck.
bellas pov
i mean, i appreciate azzi’s texts, but she shouldn’t be apologising for her shitty excuse of a best friend
“hey guys” nika says, as we walk into practice
“bella” kk says, spinning me around. i’ve gotten pretty close with kk over the past week, so this isn’t out of the ordinary
im talking to the team, as avery sticks to conversating with azzi, until
“paige” ice and kk say, somewhat screaming
azzi and avery just look at her, blankly
paige comes and stands with myself and the rest of the team, standing next to me
“can we talk” she whispers
“about what” i say, turning to face her. i obviously want to talk to her, but i dont want her to know how bad i want to
“i just need to talk to you”
“ok, fine”
she drags me to the bathroom and i sit on the bench
“azzi knows” she says, leaning close to me
“yeah, she texted me”
she looks at me, blankly
“is that all you wanted to say
“im sorry”
what.
“wait what” i ask, genuinely confused
“i shouldn’t of kicked you out”
im in shock
she continues “i was just horny and desperate, i genuinely do want to get to know you, im sorry”
she wants to get to know me?
“what do you wanna know” i ask, somewhat seductively
she bites her lip
“no”
huh?
“i want to know you, in a friend way”
“oh” i say, jumping down from the bench and walking out of the bathroom
“no bella, not like that” she says, chasing after me
i walk out of the bathroom and towards avery
“im leaving”
“ok tell me later” obviously referring to paige and i in the bathroom
im getting deja vu, walking through the halls, crying. fuck why do i care so much about her
paiges pov
i fucked up. i didn’t mean it like that, i meant that i want to know everything about her, like a friend. but i want to be more. fuck
why would i say that
“avery, whats your dorm number” i say, running up to avery and azzi
“why” she asks, confused
“what did you do” azzi adds
“i fucked up, i think i like her. and i fucked up” i say, shocking myself
they both look at me in shock
“no fucking way” azzi says, covering her mouth in shock
“its 235, be quick, run!” avery says, and i begin to charge out of practice. fuck that. this means more
after basically running through the dorm halls, i begin to hear soft cries. thats her
“bella?” i say
“leave me alone” she says, i run closer to the voice and i see her. standing outside her door
“bella, please talk to me” i say, standing infront of her, towering
“why paige, you just wanna be friends” she says, looking up at me with teary eyes
“please let me in, i need to explain” i beg, and she complies
“sit” she says, coldly
“ive always had a crush on you, ever since your freshman year, i’ve noticed you, more than any other girl. seeing you in the halls genuinely brightens up my day, at the bar. i had finally mustered up enough courage to talk to you and i just found myself falling more and more for you. i kicked you out because i was scared, ive never liked anyone like i have with you, your different. i tried to distract myself but i just cant. im so sorry”
i cant even look at her right now. fuck
“paige-“ she starts
i interrupt “i shouldn’t of done that” i say, and basically run out of her dorm
fuck
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thegeminisage · 3 days
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whoops, i almost forgot about the star trek update. tuesday we watched tng's "firstborn" and "bloodlines" and last night we watched ds9's "the wire" (honorific)
firstborn (tng):
i was actually bracing for this one to suck ass bc everyone says worf is a bad dad. and i dont think he is!!! like, it doesn't come as easily to him as it does to sisko, and he sometimes forgets to be gentle or kind with alexander because he's so laser focused on how things SHOULD be he forgets to the importance of taking others' feelings into account, but that's how he is ALL THE TIME with EVERYONE not just his kid. considering the circumstances i'd say he's doing well
before we get started, GREAT cameo from the duras sisters. i was initially really annoyed with their tit windows but im becoming rather fond
i really liked "the family protector guy "k'mter" at first because he said all the right things to alexander...like, it's scary not being able to defend yourself, etc. then he also was a dick to alexander and i was really exasperated...but then he IS alexander so that totally fixes it. he's angry with himself and conflicted and just wants a HUG FROM HIS DAD and that FIXED it!!! like when he said "nobody will look at you and see a human you are alone on this ship" initially it felt like racism but it being like, not quite self-loathing but just bitter experience...that's actually so clever
this is the only episode where they brought up alexander's mom kind of hating ""klingon stuff"" and how that could possibly have negatively impacted him and it only got two lines of dialogue but still. i think it's really damning that she hated her own heritage and also brought her kid up to hate it and now he's sort of out here...pretending to be human, almost, to the point where he doesn't want to participate in hsi own culture or even bond with his own father (a klingon). like it sucks so bad for him
i was afraid that the plot twist would be "k'mter talks alexander into wanting to be a warrior after all just when worf realizes he doesn't have to be" which would have been sad but a real "oh shit" of an ending. mixed feelings about them not doing that but i understand why they wanted to properly wrap things up for s7
i almost forgot but rare w for picard for bending the rules a little bit to give worf time to go to the klingon festival with his kid. credit where it is due
bloodlines (tng):
i have never been so BITTERLY DISAPPOINTED.......................
they gave. picard. an affair baby.
THEY GAVE HIM AN AFFAIR BABY!
what have i been saying since farpoint! he has an affair baby! AND THEY GAVE HIM ONE
AND THEN TOOK IT AWAY
what was the POINT OF THE EPISODE
if that's not his fucking affair child
pussy ass little FUCKS couldnt commit to changes...
i can't even remember what else happened in this episode i was so disappointed about this plot twist
oh yeah actually i do remember picard made a bald joke which i THINK was the only time he's done that in seven seasons? i think the only time ANYONE'S done it? please correct me if i am wrong but i was so shocked it got a big laugh out of me. also a rare w for picard. if he made bald jokes more often i'd hate him less maybe
the wire (ds9)
ooohhhhhhhhhhhh my god. oh my GOD. let's fucking...get into it
i rly thot garak was just a guy but not only is he a former assassin he's a current junkie. A JUNKIE! he's just like me fr
also, he can act? like that scene where he was withdrawing and saying horrible shit to julian......i was on the edge of my seat.
i love that he gave us 3 different stories about how he got kicked out. i'm gonna be honest, i looked it up, and apparently we never find out the truth? that is a bold fucking move. a daring choice. we, like julian, will never have any certainty. like, sure, i WANT to believe he released some kids from being tortured, but it's also equally as likely that he killed civilians or did a number of other horrible things
like, the fact that he can lie about it even while under significant distress.........king. like you could say oh that's the true one because that's the one where he was physically unwell but he also referred to "elim" in that one which gives it the ring of a potential falsehood
julian forgiving him anyway, even after all the horrible stuff he said, even after being physically ATTACKED (WHICH WAS SCARY!!! i was scared of him!!!!!) for "whatever he did," just because garak said "i need to know someone forgives me"..........AUGHGHGH JESUS CHRIST
THE FACT THAT HE WON'T TALK ABOUT IT. he won't tell even US what he did. eliot spencer core actually. i am beside myself about it all
maybe he's right and it is all true. maybe he destroyed a ship and framed a friend AND let some kids go. it's literally none of business though like he's not gonna tell us
anyway, i heard the term "brain implant" and nearly died on the spot, so 10/10 episode
honestly, they should have just upgraded this guy to a regular. he is so good
NEXT TIME: tng's "emergence" and ds9's "crossover" AND YES I KNOW THAT'S MIRRORVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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hermoglobiini · 1 year
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cowboy-robooty · 2 months
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watched brokeback mountain yesterday.... mid as fuck. i think it wouldve played out a lot better if the main characters were yuri and jimmy from yarichin bitch club. do u see my vision?
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magstorrn · 8 months
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about to leave a scathing review for a historical fiction book on goodreads (felt so strongly about it i made an account for the first time) then chickening out once i realised i'd put down my full name and i dont want to offend the author TOO much in case we end up working in the same field as historians
#missives#i admire her a lot too which sucks but holy shit. this book is bad its SO bad#maybe i'll post my review here just to get it out of my system#in essence its a book about a real historical figure but shes written in this way where literally all she ever does is serve men#and have babies continuously#and we're meant to believe she's fallen in love with her dropkick of a husband who does fuck all and is constantly abroad#and like. of course i can believe that's how some women were especially given their religious inclinations#but i could feel the feminism leaving my body the longer i read the book like it is that bad i felt like i was being brainwashed#it starts good like it goes into her childhood and relationship with her siblings#but then she just turns into her husband's mother essentially and its so revolting. and it doesnt even feel authentic? like#none of these people feel like real people. they dont fight they dont have nasty thoughts they are so fucking sanitised#i dont know what i expected.jpeg#and this woman is a historian!! she has a phd!!#yet she gets basic things wrong to an immersion-breaking degree#the whole thing is set during the civil wars but she NEVER talks about there being surgeons i have not seen a single mention of a surgeon#shes always referring to doctors and physicians but it's becoming apparent to me that when she says physician#shes just using it as an old timey word for doctor not because she properly understands the 17th century medical hierarchy#fucking hell. im so mad
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buppypuppy · 5 months
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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the-acid-pear · 5 days
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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#there's all this talk in the show about the power he had over people but none about the women who had power over him#note im not saying that it excuses his shit either im just saying the eshow never really holds the women accountable#as a woman that annoys me#esp as one with a mom who has often made me feel worthless#i also found the writers to get way too insecure in s5 about how people viewed their main character that they felt the need to double down#give mc a sympathic backstory and will feel bad for him what were they expecting?#heck i felt kinda bad for beatrice and i dont hate her but her dad sucked you cant help but pity her esp as an old lady#angela diaz#scary women#she was so damn convincing#for a show about accountabiity its justall on one mans shoulder and it just doesnt feel like it was that fair shrugs#dont believe me?#ana his publist sexually assaults BJ#this is ignored and brushed off as if it never happened#beatrice his biggest abuser next to his father is given the sad old lady treatment that he acutally ends up being kind too#diane fucks pb who is with pickles and is mostly absolved of any wrong doing on her end#pc agrees to work with vance gets bj to a doc that gives him the opiums and does nothing to stop him from hurting gina#angela is gay the whole time and still fires herb then berates and offers a man who is mentally unstable more alchhol#it also felt tacked on in ep 10 of s5 to me like it came of super insecure#oh he def did shitty sshit that is unforgiveable but it felt like they were just throwing a bunc of random x//a/s to double down
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antilethean · 9 months
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I can never look up anything about Skylar white on any site other than this one ever people really do just hate women so much ??? Even her wiki page is chock full of misogyny it's so depressing
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lynxalon · 3 months
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ive set a monday alarm to go to the doctor because im so fucking depressed i cant imagine anything worthwhile about tomorrow so. wish me luck babes im gonna try really hard to go at all, for a referral to a new psyche+maybe therapist i desperately need meds
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage#directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space#im just fucking. im at my saturation point#its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking#mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance#and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting#that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck#ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done#im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine#bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt#working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it?#idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating#god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to#feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even#this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong#im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must#be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care#leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care#anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy#i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago#itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage#unrelated
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sleepyjim · 5 months
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first night without taking benadryl to sleep and Uh its bad again what the fuck man context and also giant rant in da tags
#basically for several weeks before leo benadryl era(tm) i could not sleep at all for many days at a time i was just Not Tired At All#and my sleep schedule was so fucked up and bad and terrible i would sleep for a whole day then go many days without sleeping over and over#And It was Bad so like last week i got sick of it and took like a billion shots of benadryl juice(tm) and Slept and it waswonderful#so ive been doing that every night since then and ive gone to sleep at 10 and woken up at 8 every day and world was so beautiful forever#cept like four days into leo benadryl era i figured i had gotten into a routine so i Did Not take anything that night and#didn't feel tired. At All . ruined everything for a whole day#so i continued#but now we're out of benadryl cause ive drank it all#and im not allowed to buy it myself cause its a drug#and i cant tell my mom cause she doesnt understand#and im like . Stuck Now lmao i really really dont want everything to suck again i was doing so well this past couple days#its 2 am an im not even sleepy and if i dont sleep tonight then i will during the day and then everything will get fucked up bad again#idk!!!!!!#i dont know what to do man#i think i either got like too uh relying on the benadryl maybe or perhaps theres Sonething Wrong With Me#while we were in the RV i was scared for like a day thatmy body just straight up forgor how to sleep#and idk if that's actually possible but . :/#i have to go to a thing with my mom tomorrow too so im sposed to get up along with everyone .at like 6 in the morning and so i have#like 3 or 4 hours to sleep and im so Eugh man cause thats like a third of the amount of time a sleep i need to function#i am suffering !!#i cant even sleep if i tried tho Fuck my baka life forever#anyways#text#jason rambles
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todayesterday · 6 months
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sure low income and unpaid labor suck but the actual worst part of academia is the constant Wait. you are always on the imminence of receiving a potentially life-changing email, which may come today. or in six months. or next year. it may not come at all. will it be good news or will it devastate you to the point of making you want to quit forever? is it worth refreshing that page again to see if the results appear suddenly? of course it isn't, it won't show up now, it'll take another five weeks. or will it? who knows... who knows. you are going insane and you press that f5 key again. nothing changes. you chew your computer components and you can't sleep. it's three am and there you are again, tapping the gmail app. there's no new email to be found
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the-kipsabian · 9 months
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i just really need to hear its okay if i dont hit some goals i set for myself for this week. or ever, really
#i know i shouldnt be pushing myself if especially my mental health cant take it but i just feel bad for not doing things#and its even stupider cause this is about something as silly as writing. like i really wanted to get two fics done this week#and i have one written i just gotta edit it. and another one is all planned out so its just the matter of working on things#cause i wanna move to some other stuff and hitting a 50 fics in a rarepair tag would have been a nice milestone to reach this week maybe#but i just dont think i can do that. and its silly and its stupid but i feel so bad about it#i know i shouldnt and i dont owe anyone any of this and ppl dont expect anything from me in this regard but like#idk it just feels bad that i dont think i can do that after being so ready and excited for it#like.. my depression is so paralyzing. im barely getting through things i absolutely have to. let alone things i wanna do and find fun#i dont know where i was going with this. i just want to hear its okay if im slacking off cause i cant do anything#i know mental health issues and depression and such do this. but even knowing that it just makes me feel worse tbh#like oh. im not strong enough to resist any of this. my brain fucking sucks im a failure#and i know thats a wrong way to think that but again.. depressed anxiety brain. what are you gonna do really#so like.. yeah. i dont know im just trying to get through stuff day by day at this point. idk if it worth it but im trying. desperately#clinging to the little bit of fleeting happiness i have in the horizon#idk. im gonna do something to distract myself and eat cookies. carry on#night is an absolute mess on main
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