#it is SO offputting. just in its entirety

[attractthecrows]

god truly the one thing that's putting me off the new [redacted for my safety] series is how fucking FANFICTION it feels. the writers and actors all have ao3 accounts that i would not touch with a 20 foot pole. Bet

[colonelarr0w]

Can you write one where Astarion realizes that Tav is acting strangely because it's actually Orin and the actual Tav is kidnapped by her?? Thank you so much and I love your work!!

A/N - Oh my god I absolutely adore the trope of kidnapped lover being rescued (the parasites in me crave the angst). I hope you like this, I had a lot of fun writing it! So thank you @fanficlov-3-r <3

I Know You

Preview - "And he knew that the others knew that little fact as well, considering that Shadowheart had already whispered to the others something along the lines of, '(Y/N) isn't amongst us.'"

Warning(s) - mature themes, foul language, canon BG3 violence

Word Count - 3.9k

Astarion prided himself on his ability to have memorized everything about you, from how your nose scrunched when you saw something you disliked to how your eyes sparkled when you noticed him staring at you from across the fire. It was those little things that simply made you … well … you. 

Which was why he found it very offputting when he noticed your excessive alcohol intake while attending a Tiefling party. Yes, you liked to indulge in a glass of wine or two while you chatted happily with Astarion or any of your other companions – but never had he seen you cradle an entire bottle of wine to yourself and drink it in its entirety. 

But that behavior was only one of multiple that he had noticed throughout the night; you were dancing with any Tiefling who offered their hand, you seemed to stray away from him and the others throughout the night, and the smile you wore did not reach your eyes in the slightest. It seemed fake, similar to the smiles that Astarion had once flashed at you to get your clothes off. 

“Is it just me or does (Y/N) seem a little … off?” Shadowheart comments, her eyebrow raising as she watches you indulge another Tiefling in a drunken dance. You stumble over both your feet and his own, a detail that both she and Astarion narrow their eyes at. 

For an oh-so-grateful leader, you were being careless tonight. 

Astarion’s eyes follow those of Shadowheart’s, landing on you just as you are finishing a dance with your fifth Tiefling of the night. He bows to you shakily, and in return, you curtsy – another move that Astarion had never thought he would see you perform. 

“I must say that I agree with Shadowheart. Excuse me for a moment,” Astarion abandons his half-empty wine glass, sliding it across the bar. The bartender raises a brow at Astarion, but says nothing. 

You chuckle heartily as a Tiefling female approaches you, in her hands a sparkling glass of champagne. You take it from her the moment it’s offered, just about to bring it to your lips before a pale hand clasps over your shoulder. 

“Ah-ah darling, I think that’s enough with the drinking for one night,” Astarion says with a fanged smile, angling himself so that he’s able to pluck the champagne glass from your hands quickly. You turn to him, eyebrows pinched together in an expression that mixes frustration and shock – as if you had been caught doing something that you shouldn’t. 

“Come off Astarion, I can indulge if I so choose,” you retort quickly, fingers extending towards your glass. Astarion lifts his arm, the glass just barely out of your reach. “You are indulging tonight, are you not?”

He chuckles, his chest rumbling against your shoulder as his scarlet eyes rake over your figure. Something was wrong, it wasn’t just your general composure – it was everything down to the very way that you stood on your own two feet. 

“While that is true, I am watching what I indulge in,” Astarion says, already glancing at Shadowheart, who nods knowingly. She mumbles something inaudibly then to Gale, and soon a secret message is relayed over all of your companions. 

The Tiefling female had long since left your side, only adding to your annoyance that Astarion had come to your side. You turn sharply to face him, eyes narrowing at him. 

“And just explain to me why you thought it necessary to disrupt my fun?” you snap, glaring daggers into the vampire who stands in front of you. Astarion merely sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. His eyes flicker over you again, and it is in that moment that he realizes something … you were most certainly not you. 

And he knew that the others knew that little fact as well, considering that Shadowheart had already whispered to the others something along the lines of, “(Y/N) isn’t amongst us.” 

“Because I know you (Y/N), and right now,” Astarion pauses only to yank you closer, lowering his lips to your ear. “You are not who you say that you are.”

You freeze in his arms, eyes flickering to look at him. The crease in your eyebrows vanishes, your expression of frustration replaced now by one of shock. “What are you on about?”

“Oh come on now, don’t play dumb with me,” Astarion growls, his grip over your wrist tightening, “I know (Y/N), and she would never indulge in such things of her own accord.”

You swallow the growing lump in your throat, not protesting as a very angered Astarion drags you out of the Tiefling party. He is quickly flanked by Shadowheart and the others, none of whom offer you looks of sympathy – if anything, they look just as angered as the vampire in front of you. 

The moment that your feet touch camp, your wrists and ankles are promptly tied by Karlach, who offers you no answers even as you demand to know what in the hells is going on. Astarion stands quietly at her side, his arms folded over his chest whilst his mind promptly races.

Where were you? Who was sitting in your place? Where the hells were you?

With a singular wave of his hand over your body, Gale reveals Orin to the others, then steps back and glares down his nose at her. In response, her lips only turn upward in a grin, one that sends a shiver down the spines of those that surround her. 

“Where is–”

“Oh please, save me the dramatics,” Orin says with a roll of her eyes, adjusting herself so that she sits comfortably. Her attention moves to Astarion, her smile widening at the sight of the expression that he wears. 

“You have five minutes to answer our questions before–”

Orin’s head tilts in Lae’zel’s direction, her eyes crinkling as her smile widens impossibly further. Her lips part, a delighted chuckle falling from her lips. “Before what? You kill me? If I die, (Y/N)’s location dies with me.”

In a flash of white and silver, the blade of a dagger is pressed against the skin of Orin’s neck, pressed down just hard enough to draw a thin line of blood. Astarion kneels in front of Orin, narrowed eyes glaring daggers into her as his lips pull back in an angered growl. 

“You will reveal (Y/N)’s location lest you want to end up a paled mess on the ground.” He was shocked by how much your disappearance had affected him – especially considering that he was supposed to be keeping his affection for you a secret from the others. 

There was a reason behind his secrecy, however, a reason that you had agreed with when he had first proposed the idea to you. It was for your safety, for your protection. But it seemed like even with that … he still couldn’t keep the one thing that kept him sane safe. 

Orin chuckles, leaning forward so that her nose just barely grazes his own. He can feel her breath as it fans over his face – it disgusts him. 

“Is that so?” Her head tilts, another delighted chuckle bubbling up her throat and spilling over her lips. Astarion pushes the blade further against her, ignoring the yells of warning delivered by the other members of the party. 

His eyes narrow, his eyebrows pinch together, and his expression hardens. Orin only chuckles again, sighing dreamily in a way that reminds Astarion of a hopelessly lovesick girl. Gods, what he would give to plunge the blade of his dagger into her neck. 

“Fine, but I hope you know I’m not yielding because of your … intimidation,” Orin murmurs, pouting childishly as Astarion pulls her to her feet, still glaring at her. He says nothing as he drags her past the others, not checking over his shoulder to see that the others have followed him.

< … >

Another chilled shiver runs up the length of your spine, using your vertebrae as a ladder. You turn uncomfortably onto your side, trying once again to tug your ankles from their shackles. All you’re met with is the sound of rattling metal. 

It had been a few hours … or perhaps even a few days since you last saw the others. You didn’t know – perhaps time worked differently when you were captured. 

The last you remembered, you were walking silently along a forest pathway with Astarion a few feet behind you. You were engrossed in the beauty of the willow trees that hung silently over you, their branches serving you the beautiful luxury of shade that covered you from the sun’s blaring rays. 

Just as you turned a corner in the forest, a cold hand that wasn’t Astarion’s clasped over your own, tugging you away into a forest patch. One good knock to the side of the head … and that was the last that you were able to clearly remember. 

When you awoke, your ankles were shackled to a wall and your wrists were bound with rope, rubbing uncomfortably against your skin and leaving behind angry red marks. 

Your body had been littered with marks; cuts, bruises, and gashes. At first, they hadn’t hurt you at all – but you blamed that entirely on your adrenaline. Now every cut burned, every bruise ached, and every gash felt as though it would never stop bleeding. 

Surely every vampiric creature within a 50-mile radius could smell your blood … especially considering how much of it lay in a disgusting puddle surrounding your body. 

A shaky breath escapes you, one that you surely hoped would be your last. Your teary eyes flicker around the cell that you’d been thrown into; the cell that lacked even so much as a window. You were completely disconnected from the outside world, and for a singular moment, you thought that maybe you had died. 

And maybe you were okay with that now … with dying. 

Even though for so long you had tried your hardest to protect everyone – practically throwing your life down on the line for the lives of your companions – being captured was making you realize something. 

Maybe they didn’t care about you nearly as much as you cared about them.

If they cared, they would be searching for you. If they cared, you wouldn’t be bleeding out in some dank old cell with no way to know what time of day it was. If they cared … they would prove it, wouldn’t they?

A choked sob claws its way up your throat, legs curling inward. You wrap your arms around them, hugging them against your chest as your body curls inward into a fetal position. 

They didn’t care. Not Gale, not Karlach, not Lae’zel, not Shadowheart. 

Not even Astarion.

Astarion …

After everything that you had done for him. You had spared him that morning while walking with Shadowheart. You had let him stay in your camp even though he spat venomous insults each time you interacted politely with him. Hells, you had even let the damn man feed on you. 

In exchange for your blood, he was letting you rot alone in a cell. 

So much for helping others, you think quietly to yourself, tears slipping down your cheeks as your lashes flutter shut. A gentle numbness spreads over you as if someone had draped a blanket over you. It felt nice. It felt safe. 

Your shoulders relax, your lips part. 

One gentle breath falls from your lips before all goes silent.

< … >

“Come on now, I’ve led you right to where she is! The least you can do is entertain a conversation,” Orin complains loudly, huffing childishly as Astarion continues shoving her forward. 

There was no lie to her words, she had led Astarion and the others to where she had thrown you – a dimly lit dungeon hallway that was only filled with the sounds of low groans and dripping water, but even those had become scarce the longer that they walked. 

“The only thing I’ll entertain is your demise,” Astarion bites out, though he desperately wishes that he had kept his mouth shut. Orin doesn’t fail to catch the tremble in his voice – the vulnerability that seeps from his words. 

Her lips curl, another delighted chuckle rumbling somewhere deep inside of her chest. Her eyes flicker to catch a glimpse of Astarion’s profile, her chuckle deepening as she notices the emotional turmoil sketched into his features. 

“I wonder what you will do to me when you realize that she’s–”

“Hush,” Astarion hisses, reaching down and yanking the bonds around Orin’s wrist. The rub of the rope against her skin is enough to silence her. “Not another word out of you, wench.”

Orin stifles the small whimper of pain that had threatened to fall from her lips, instead turning to the cell that they were nearing; your cell. 

At the sight of the metal bars and uneven stones, she giggles. Astarion passes her off to Shadowheart, ignoring the cleric’s protests as he approaches the cell. 

“Oh shit.”

The world seems to go completely silent at the sight that lies before Astarion’s eyes, a sight that he immediately wishes that he could forget. 

You lay on your side with your back facing the cell’s door, blood – your blood – surrounding you in a crimson puddle. The bits of skin that Astarion can see are littered with cuts and bruises, your legs covered in gashes that continue to drip with fresh blood. 

In any other situation, Astarion would have marveled at both the sight and smell of your blood … perhaps even allowed himself to indulge in it. 

But now?

Gods, he had never been more disgusted by any one sight or smell. 

“Astarion? What’s – oh my Gods,” Karlach raises a hand to her mouth, palm covering her lips as she gazes upon the same sight as Astarion. The others join her, and each of them falls silent. “You take … her … and get out of here.”

Shadowheart nods, shooting Orin a sharpened glare before tugging the shapeshifter back down the way that they had come, ignoring her yells of protests and the way that she struggles against the ropes that bind her wrists together. 

With one tug at the already worn-down metal, Karlach disconnects the bars of the cell. She steps inside, carefully approaching you before copying her previous actions and removing the shackles from around your ankles. 

“(Y/N)?” she murmurs down to you, lightly shaking your shoulder while simultaneously trying to be sure that she does not burn you – the last she wants is to add to your injuries. 

She’s pushed aside by Astarion, who kneels beside you and feels his breath hitch at the sight of your paled face. Your cheeks have lost their usual rosy color, replaced instead by a white that looked as though it could rival the color of his hair. 

“Shit,” is the only thing that he’s able to say properly before he scoops you into his arms. He shakes on his feet for a moment, the sudden weight in his arms debilitating his balance. He says nothing as he strides past the others, making a beeline for the exit.

< … >

The first thing that you feel is a dull ache, then followed by a wave of pain that has you shooting upright and promptly vomiting onto whatever surface happens to be beside you. The moment you’ve finished emptying your stomach, a piece of cloth is offered to you by a pale hand – a familiar one this time. 

Hesitantly, you take it, dabbing the cloth against your mouth before looking up to who had handed it to you. 

“Astarion?”

“That would be my name, yes darling,” Astarion responds, though his tone doesn’t hold his usual flirtatious lilt that you had grown so used to. No, he sounds exhausted … it made you wonder just how long he had sat at your bedside. 

Your eyes roam over him, taking note of the tiny, barely-there bags that rest beneath his eyes. For a man who cared so deeply about appearance, he surely looked as though he had let himself go … likely because of you.

As much as you wish to take him into your arms and comfort you, a fleeting thought passes through your mind — he had taken his sweet time in finding you. 

If the roles had been reversed, and it had been Astarion who was taken from you, you already knew that you would have searched Heaven and Earth trying to find him. No stone would have been left unturned, no witness left unspoken to … you would have stopped at nothing. 

But it felt as though Astarion hadn’t cared enough, if he had, you wouldn’t have been as badly wounded as you were. You wouldn’t have laid in that cell for as long as you have, not that you knew the length of time in which you had been missing anyway. 

Astarion’s head lifts at the sound of you rustling, body scooting back from him until your spine rests against the headboard of your bed. You lift your knees to your chest, hugging around them. 

“Darling?”

You remain silent, but you allow your eyes to raise to meet his awaiting gaze. He waits patiently, though you can’t help but feel as though he’s analyzing you.

“How long have I been gone?” you ask. Astarion pauses, scarlet eyes flickering away from you. He swallows, you can see the emotional turmoil that swims in his eyes. Answer me, you usher in your mind. 

“Orin wouldn’t tell us,” Astarion answers honestly, voice wavering as he recounts his angered questioning of the shapeshifter. She had only giggled in his presence and “answered” his question with another question of her own. 

You remain silent, nodding to yourself as you glance down at the bandages that adorn your arms and legs. It makes you wonder if Astarion had patched you himself … or perhaps he had made one of your other companions do it. 

You lift your head, noticing now that Astarion’s attention was focused elsewhere. His expression looks identical to your own — caught in his own mind. Guilt. 

Did he feel guilty?

“Does anything—“ he pauses to clear his throat, “—anything hurt you?”

”Just my arms and legs,” you answer. Astarion nods, inhaling deeply and shifting in his chair. For some twisted reason, you want him to stand up and leave. Maybe it was to further prove your point, or maybe you just wanted to be alone. 

You’d never really know the true answer. 

He hums, nodding to himself before he shifts again. For a fleeting moment, he debates on whether or not he should stand and exit — it was clear that you wanted your space anyway. 

Astarion knew you … and he knew that right now, you certainly didn’t want him around. Never were you short with him, but your tone insinuated that you wanted nothing to do with him. 

Not that he could honestly blame you. 

And so, he stands from his chair. You don’t lift your head to look at him again … telling. 

“Why did you take so long to come for me?”

He freezes, feeling as though someone had doused him in freezing water. His back stands rigid; you could see the way that his spine visibly tenses the moment that his mind processes what it was that you had asked him. 

You snap your jaw shut the moment that the words fall from your lips, regret filling your senses. Sheepishly, you look down, staring at your lap and screwing your eyes shut. 

You freeze at the feeling of arms wrapping over your shoulders, tugging you against a chest that you had spent many nights resting against. His skin felt cold against yours, a welcome contrast to the heat that was currently making you very uncomfortable. 

Astarion’s cheek rests against the side of your head, his hands squeezing at your waist while also being mindful of the injuries that you had sustained. He sighs shakily into your hair, feeling himself relax as he feels you reciprocate his embrace. 

“The moment that I realized that I was not interacting with you, I went out to find you,” Astarion confesses, holding you tighter as he recounts the fear in the moment when he realized that you were not you. 

You remain silent, simply soaking up the comfort that Astarion’s arms provides you with. Your head rests comfortably in the junction that connects his neck and his shoulder, nose buried into his neck. 

“You have … absolutely no idea how frightened I was,” he whispers, his voice so low that it even the rustle of the blankets overpowered his words. His arms shake where they rest around your waist, his fingernails just barely digging into the exposed skin of your waist. “The prospect of losing you–”

“Astarion.”

He pauses, feeling you shift in his arms. Without any word of protest, he releases you, settling onto his knees on the bed in front of you. You adjust yourself, then reach out to take his hands into your own. 

Astarion flinches. You pause, waiting for him to say something to you. He doesn’t, and so you take it as an okay to continue. Your fingers squeeze his own, the action directing his eyes to your own. 

You stay silent for a second or two, simply taking in the way that Astarion’s eyes soften at you. His usually sharp scarlet eyes are glazed over now with a new emotion – guilt. Guilt over not being there for you, guilt over not saving you sooner …

… guilt that you had gotten hurt. 

“Darling, if I had the chance to save you sooner, know that I would have taken it without a second of hesitation,” Astarion admits, shifting an inch closer to you. You feel the tears building along your waterline, your teeth catching your bottom lip as you attempt to suppress the sobs that begin to bubble up somewhere in your chest. 

One of his hands releases yours, hesitantly laying against your face. He thumbs away the tears in your eyes, sighing as you crumple and reach for him again. Astarion doesn’t waste a single second, wrapping you in his arms and resting his chin against the top of your head. 

“I thought that,” you hiccup, “you and the others had forgotten about me.”

His arms tighten around you at that declaration, chest promptly collapsing it on itself as he realizes just how scared you had been. He doesn’t want to imagine what you must have been thinking in that cell, likely thinking about if you would ever be saved.

If he would ever come for you.

“Never,” he whispers into your hair, fingers stroking comforting circles into the small of your back. “I would never forget you, ever.”

“You are the first thing in my entire life that makes me feel … feel something. Something other than burning hatred. You make this wretched world worth living in.”

You squeeze at him, hands bunching up his shirt from behind. He doesn’t bring attention to it, letting you cling to him with as much force as you need. 

“And I’m not going to let you go. Not now, not ever,” he promises you. You close your eyes, sighing shakily through your nose. He can feel your nod against his chest, his cheek leaning further into your hair. 

And that night, when the glistening moon hung over your tent and signaled to your companions that it was time to rest, Astarion remained at your side – fulfilling his promise.

He wasn’t going to let you feel that scared again. Not now, not ever.

[garyfischy]

I wish I could have an open discussion of racism in vbros like that homestuck panel. But i dont think theres enough nonwhite venture bros fans for that LOL

also no offense but white people are convinced liking something means liking EVERYTHING about it. I love venture bros but the "satirical" racism is not my jam ok.

i could write a blog post about it and get more hate anons about how im a fake fan....

like some of the racism is supposed to parody jonny quest era shit but just ends up rehashing it, i shouldnt have to explain why a girl in stereotypical "indian" clothing being played straight is a bad choice. Or like. Just random bits like pete white making asian jokes or henchman 21 making asian jokes or the entirety of the pilot

its bad for nonwhite fans trying to actually criticize media they like already, but with something like vbros, its already regarded as super progressive for its time or whatever when it rlly isnt. Its attitudes around race are regressive and very White Liberal- insensitive commentary that really shouldnt have been written by 2 white dudes. Or offputting "jokes" that serve no other purpose than just rehashing racism. The parody angle only goes so far before it becomes Actual Racism (the kano can't drive because he's ASIAN jokes werent funny the first 2 times). The parody angle doesnt provide any interesting commentary on race other than "hey, isnt it so funny how they were racist back then?" .

this is nonsense sorry

[sheepkebby]

I had a dream about Stardew Valley's massive new update.

ConcernedApe made it very clear that the player should restart the game from the beginning in order to experience all the joy and wonders of the new update. That part is true! He said something along those lines irl. That's about as realistic as my dream got, though.

It started on a basic farm, but it looked a lot different than how the default farm usually looked. It was clear something was very wrong. The atmosphere was darker and the map was desaturated. Scattered around the map were these huge (And I'm talking 4x the size of the player) farm animals. These massive beasts had different sprites than the regular farm animals. They weren't your stereotypical hyper-realistic-blood-eyes creepypasta game sprites, but they were just offputting enough to unnerve me.

Artistic rendition.

I think the implication was that if you did specific tasks for them they'd give you a special reward and leave your farm (good riddance), but I never got to figure out what those special quests were.

Leaving the farm, Pelican Town was supposedly GONE in its entirety. The world was mostly barren. In place of the town was this old run-down motel or something.

Suddenly the game shifted into this first-person 3D-styled horror game. An NPC with a gun started stalking the player character through this motel, supposedly to kill them, and the player had to decide whether to kill this guy in self-defence or attempt being a pacifist and escaping. It was heavily implied that committing murder leads you to a bad ending, while keeping your hands clean leads you to a good ending. I never got to see either of these endings or how many opportunities you got to take somebody else's life.

That's about all I remember, it was a short nap so it was a short dream.

Though. One important detail I neglected to mention through all of this; the contents of this supposed Stardew update were revealed to me through a Jerma stream.

A jerma stream that I was watching IN MY DREAM.

Jerma's face cam was in the corner of my dream the entire time, calmly reacting to cursed 3D Stardew Valley with guns and murder and giant farm animals with soulless stares.

So yeah, real excited for the 1.6 update. Let's go.

[blinkbones]

not too surprising for the creature enthusiast and linguist* that i am but i really enjoyed everything that had to do with interspecies relations in spaceman (2024). spoilers ofc. i thought it was so efficient to combine the visual of a spider with a soothing voice. if the audience had only been me, i think i would have preferred a much more offputting voice and stranger speech patterns (if only an accent! gimme a weirdass accent), but for a movie meant to be seen by many people -- who are not all creature enthusiasts and linguists -- it makes sense to do it that way. i think the spider has a decent chance to gain the affection of all of its audience, despite being so nosy and many-armed. i was so delighted that the final hug was shown like any other hug, while not shying away from the foreignness of the creature. idk man, that's just my favorite thing; to find tenderness in the offputting. as for the movie as a whole, i think it's really quite decent. i enjoyed it even though the theme of the decaying marriage is very far from my own concerns. that's the beauty of good art, right? makes you feel different things, or through a different lens. The narrative structure was satisfying to see unfold; the water symbolism easy to piece together -- and that was relaxing for me personally lol

*asterisk because i have impostor syndrome and it feels extremely presumptuous to call myself a linguist when ive only been studying & working with language for the entirety of my adult life

[greatcheshire]

I love your yt content, so excited to find your blog!

I was wondering about your deep love for Fire Walk With Me. I love Lynch, I love TP, but really can't stand the movie. It even ruins moments of the series for me. I'm super interested in your opinion tho

I'll probably make a video about this at some point but I'll try to explain it as simply as I can lol There's a pretty famous video in which composer Angelo Badalamenti goes through his process of writing the Laura Palmer theme, where he's playing as David Lynch paints a scene for him of the dark woods, ominous and threatening, and a young girl emerging from the darkness, getting closer and closer, moving the scene to beauty and sadness, before she retreats back to the darkness of the woods again, and at the end, Lynch says, "That's Twin Peaks." At its heart, Twin Peaks is and has always been a show about a young girl lost in the woods. Her beauty and her pain and her suffering and the way in which she lives in the darkness of the world around her. For the entirety of season 1 and the first third of season 2, Twin Peaks is about Laura Palmer, as we uncover more about who this girl was and what she meant to the rest of the town and how her death affected everyone.

Then the rest of season 2 happens and we get more and more away from it. Complicated lore, contrived soap opera plots, and getting too lost in hijinks and quirkiness. The Palmer family almost entirely disappears, Laura being left as nothing but just another case, before being brought back for a powerhouse season finale in which Lynch not just establishes a killer cliffhanger, but also brings Laura back in the Lodge and connects her back to everything. Lynch could've continued directly from there, solved the cliffhanger in a finale film, but instead we got Fire Walk With Me, which in my opinion is more important and necessary that a follow up.

Rather than focusing on the quirky town folks or Twin Peaks or the intricacies of the lore or the fun investigation antics of Cooper, Fire Walk With Me is a horror film. It's a character study about Laura Palmer, reminding us that the series has, at its core, always been about a girl lost in the darkness and beauty of the woods. It's an uncomfortable portrayal of a teenage girl as she deals with abuse and mental anguish. We see Laura as she goes through several different attempts to process what's going on to her, almost as if she's experiencing grief over her own inevitable death. It gives Laura a chance to have her own story told and shown, not just spoken about by those around her. There's power in visualization and portrayal. Basically everything - including the thing Bobby did - was alluded to or told about in the show. But there's something different about seeing it, the slow melancholic fall to one's demise, that makes it heart wrenching. It's definitely not for everyone. I can understand people finding the tone offputting, the content upsetting, or not liking the way in which it gets more overtly supernatural but also more personal than the show ever did. It's definitely its own beast and a complicated film, and it has its fair share of issues. But I personally find it captivating as a portrayal of abuse done via surreal sensory overload. Sheryl Lee gives an incredible performance and the ending sequence of Laura's murder and the aftermath of it is perhaps some of the best directing Lynch has ever done. It's a heartbreaking, hard to watch movie, but as someone who finds comfort in engaging with work that covers similar pain I've been through, I almost find a catharsis in it. In a way, there's a certain beauty that comes from looking into the darkness and finding your way through it. And that's Twin Peaks.

[animehouse-moe]

Marriage Toxin Volume 1: A Matchmaker Made In Heaven

Yes yes I'm a little late, but I still wanted to talk about this first volume and maybe even encourage a few people try it out. Really, it's great fun and full of potential as both author and artist have a solid head on their shoulders and some pretty deft hands at work with the series. Plenty to chat about of course, otherwise why would I be here, so I'll just get into it.

The basic gist of it is a bit of an absurdist comedy wherein a master assassin specializing in poisons ends up saving his mark so they can help him get married so his grandmother can be satisfied as the clan line continues onwards.

Yeah, a very very novel concept, and that sentiment remains for the entirety of the first volume. But let's rewind a little, take a better look at the bigger picture here. Marriage Toxin is an author-artist duo, so I have some higher than average expectations for its execution. Thankfully, both ends are promising, and they give me some great ways of highlighting those proficiencies.

Gero here, our poison master and head of the similarly titled Poison Master clan, has a phenomenal character design.

Messy hair, rectangular glasses, long and loose clothing, ankle length pants. Sharp and dark fashion that betrays a disinteresting, unassuming, and even awkward and offputting air. Couple that with his overall build and his slouch/hunch and you have a very low level character that's perceived as "simple".

But, that same messy hair, that same loose and long clothing, that very same hunch can be used to weaponize Gero and turn him into a freaky terror of the night.

It's sublime work that appears ever apparent with the simple addition of a gas mask (and a side profile view). Very very smart work in creating a character whose appeal completely shifts depending on where you're looking at them from.

And just to be a little cheeky, I'll say that that sentence pertains to the work in creating his personality as well. Neurotic and high strung but ever aloof, Gero's identity as a character is equally as fluid. Flipping a single switch accomplishes a great deal with him, and vibrating between those two modes of operation is Marriage Toxin's very charm. Which is still a little bit away.

I'll just take a moment to explain the layouts and paneling for the series. It's good. Rather straightforward in terms of paneling which does weigh it down, but the layouts are really great and express a comfortable amount of range.

Though, I will say that the lack of creative paneling is a shame, purely because of some of the ideas that were cooked up for this first volume. Hopefully we'll see that degree of expression evolve as we go on.

You know, while I'm on the point of hoping for better, it's just a bit of a complaint but I'd really love to see the side characters more expressive. Considering the impressive degree exhibited by Kinosaki and Gero, the gulf between them and the rest of the characters can feel a little odd at times.

All in all, I wouldn't say anything falls short of expectations with art for this story. It's all very solid, backgrounds and environment art are comfortably common, and Kinosaki and Gero command the reader's attention during the volume. It does more than what it needs to in order to engage a reader, and it deserves praise for that.

Of course, engaging the reader isn't a one sided visual affair, the writing needs to be up to snuff, and it definitely is. It's hard to explain without spoilers, but I'll do my best.

I think the easiest way to describe it is practical, and not in a bad way. It lines up countless one two punches of foreshadowing/leadup and delivers swiftly with its relation or reveal. Here's just one example.

Some might argue a little heavy handed, but considering the goal of this series, I don't have any issues with a more straightforward approach to a well written narrative.

And it's not like it's a one off either, the author has very clear intentions and ideas they want to realize with this series, and if you're paying attention you'll understand very quickly.

That aside, let me talk in broad strokes here with narrative work.

Marriage Toxin as an action comedy is really enjoyable. The action is very prevalent and reads easily as it aims for impact over experience with its feeling, and the humor is perfectly exaggerated and telegraphed, effortlessly filling page after page.

I am worried about it turn too action heavy and forgetting its roots (just because the action is that good), but I'm not super worried.

Keeping the ball rolling with action though, an assassin power system? Very unique, and they've chosen all the right ideas for expressing it as a fluid and free scale where they're not likely to encounter too many issues. And I mean that in terms of power balances, but also in regards to how many bad guys they can cook up for this series.

And lastly, LGBTQ+ representation, and not in a "look at me!" way. It feels as natural to the characters as it does for them to breath. It's really great stuff to see in a prominent and popular Shounen Jump title. Hoping they'll give us more details and interactions in that vein, but I think even with what we have in this first volume I'm very happy to see the representation.

At the end of it all, there's a lot of praises to be sung for this first time pair of mangaka. Marriage Toxin is impressive, in every sense of the word. It's not knock your socks off incredible, or once in a generation outstanding, but it's certainly a cut above a lot of other new series in similar veins.

So would I say it's for everyone? Definitely not, no. Humor is touch and go, so it's best to give it a shot before you commit if you're not into the more loud and fast style. Thankfully, Manga Plus has all chapters of the manga available digitally for you to check out, so I really recommend that people at the minimum give it a shot!

[lenievi]

For the random character asks: 1, 30, and 37? Dealer's choice of character ;)

I initially wanted to answer each one for a different character, but it became just Kirk...

1. Canon I outright reject I'm someone who follows canon (sometimes to my own detriment, especially when it comes to fics lol), so I typically am able to reconcile pretty much anything (even things I initially had an ugh reaction about).

When it comes to Kirk, I reject the entirety of Requiem for Methuselah though – I haven't seen it since 2020, but accepting that Kirk would just flirt and fall in love with a woman when his entire crew was dying is absolutely wild to me. So… the episode just doesn't exist for me, and I take nothing from it into consideration. I know that I should rewatch it now when time passed (and I also have a different understanding of the characters), and even if I ended up changing my mind, just knowing that the episode ends with Spock manipulating Kirk's memories and feelings is so offputting to me (or rather knowing that a lot of people romanticize the moment and villainize McCoy…)

ETA: I know what the ending scene was going for with its "If only I could forget." "I wish he could forget her." "Forget." (and I do kind of enjoy the idea that McCoy can manipulate Spock - but that's not the popular reading of the scene), I just dislike Spock erasing Kirk's memory and people seeing it as positive or proof of "love", rather than something really messed up on Spock's part, something Kirk would hate being done to him without his knowledge. If I didn't know what the fandom thinks about this episode, it might be better.

30. Sleeping habits It's really hard to keep a schedule on a starship, especially when you're a captain. Typically, when everything is calm, Kirk makes sure to be in his room by ten o’clock. He takes a shower, takes care of stuff, reads a book for thirty minutes, and goes to sleep. Never after eleven, if he can help it. (Because he likes to get up early.)

When things aren’t calm, he just steals an hour or two whenever he can, to hide in his room and at least rest if not sleep.

37. What they really think about themselves hmmmm I think Kirk in his early 30s was very insecure about his age, because he felt he was too young and many people he served with were around the same as him (or even older), and he could sometimes feel like he didn’t have their complete trust. His insecurities made him put up a front, which then put a distance between himself and his crew (and it got a bit worse after he killed Gary), and he believed that was for the best.

He believed that he always needed to be in control, he needed to be able to make a difference, to show everyone that he was worth it, that his life wouldn’t be wasted, and that he deserved to live when others died (because of him). He thought he didn’t deserve his own life, only the life dictated to him by the Enterprise...

[trashbinbackyard]

30-40 for any armed asshats and space couple you want

My turn to write about Ivana and Carmina. And and thought about which armed asshats this time but i’m kidding myself, Lucien and Viessa take about 70% of my brain RAM right now and i just gotta ride the wave lest i stop creating altogether lol

30. Do they enjoy dancing?

Ivana doesn’t really do dancing, never been good at it. She would enjey a little slow dance that's more like holding each other and leaning from side to side, if and whenever Carmina wants to

They doooo! They’re both experienced in multiple ballroom dances and you know, living for a millenia can get boring at times so why not hit up every fancy party Lucien invites himself into

31. What’s a perfect date for them?

Go to some very quiet restaurant with good food and wine

Get cultured in a museum/art show/theater, then evnture to some secluded spot overlooking a breathtaking scenery, have some food and wine, and just watch the sunset and the stars

32. How do they comfort each other?

Ivana will straight up ask Carmina what she wants her to do, how to best comfort her in the situation, get her some tea, let her know she can take off her hearing aids and just focus on herself, act as a weighted blanket for her. They’re adults and neurodivergent so just telling and asking what the other wants is the best way to communicate. Ivana would like to be comforted by just letting her vent or letting her take some time off of chores so she can relax

Just be a shoulder to cry and vent on, spend some quiet time together, wash the others hair, small things like that 

33. Who is the big spoon and why?

Ivana is the blanket (sometimes). I dont think theyd sleep spooning but when watching a movie or something i feel like Ivana is the big spoon

Lucien, quoth the ancient texts: “dick hard on the butt, titty in my hand, kiss ya neck, hell. yeah”

34. What’s their favorite nonsexual activity together?

Reading (parallel play style), playing with cats, cooking together

Also reading parallel play style, attending theater, going out in the night to hunt some wrongdoers

35. How do they deal with being away from each other for a long time?

Like adults. Text each other on the regular. Carmina can send all the cool bug facts to her, Ivana might even react with an emoji. 

They keep themselves busy, Lucien doing Deanoh’s bidding, hunting down artifacts, lending a hand to some guilds. Viessa seems to have an endless supply of tomes to get through and develop new magic.

36. What is their favorite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.)

Lips, cheek, jaw for Ivana, if getting a bit risquè its cleavage. 

Lips, jaw, hands on Lucien. Corner of her mouth, earlobes and neck on Viessa

37. Have they ever hurt each other on accident?

Yeah, it happens. Ivana might’ve said something inconsiderate. Carmina might’ve ignored something Ivana had asked and other forms of miscommunication.

During the second age, after Vilya went nuts and exploded the entirety of the weave, Viessa’s magic became quite unstable, so she might’ve exploded Lucien a couple of times. Viessa’s gotten a few cuts when Lucien’s been careless with his weapons. 

38. Have they ever hurt each other deliberately?

Nope, neither of them have any time for this juvenile attitude of “oh they aren't acting like i want them to so i’ll do something bad to make them realize. Like no, that's so dumb.

They’ve said some nasty stuff to each other in the beginning. Lucien wasn’t very sympathetic nor comforting to Viessa when all that undead stuff unraveled. And Viessa used to be very frustrated with him and his antics 

39. Who gets hit on the most?

Carmina, bc she is a bombshell, just a quirky one. And Ivana’s aura is so offputting even her coworkers refuse to talk to her if it isn’t absolutely necessary

Lucien, he makes it super easy for anyone to approach him and is more out there than Viessa is. Not that Viessa doesn’t get hit on

40. Who tries to distract the other when they’re trying to do something else?

They respect the other’s space. It’s more “hey when you got a second come look at this”. And I think Carmina would do that a bit more

Lucien, especially when he’s bored, constantly asking Viessa what she’s doing, laying in increasingly weird position on the couch behind her desk, throwing daggers at a wall, etc general nuisance stuff

[sh1-n0bu]

it's one thing to condemn folks who dont have a healthy boundary between real life and fiction, but the OP of the post you reblogged seems to be very anti dark-content in its entirety, even mocking folks who use it as a way of coping with trauma, etc. and i doubt thats how you want to be aligning yourself if you believe that dark content is okay to exist in designated spaces, properly tagged and so on.

making broad, sweeping generalisations about dark content creators when really youre just talking about folks who evidently arent in an okay headspace to be in these spaces is very offputting.

im sure you didnt mean any harm, you seem like a lovely person, but you may want to be a little more careful about the posts you reblog on the subject, since OP also seems to be acting just.. super ableist in general (calling people mentally ill and fucked in the head, etc. for creating dark content)

i dont know the op of the latest repost i made, i just reposted it since i was agreeing with their point. nor do i know the writer that the op mentioned nor have i come in contact with their work that the op called out for so i dont know if the op has ableist views etc etc.

but thank u for notifying me about it. i myself am a bit anti-dark content as well but im trying my best to see the other side so i can come to my own conclusions about the content and the people who consume/create it. seeing dark content stuff where the reader goes through the same things i did just triggers me in a very… aggressive way and i tend to lash out on that. so ive been trying to at least broaden my knowledge and understand the other side before coming to a conclusion.

regarding the safe mental state thing i said, i meant it in a way that people who are writing and consuming it know that its not safe/okay yknow? in a way that theyre healing from their trauma and is finding better coping mechanisms but sometimes tend to enjoy it type of thing yknow? im not rlly sure if im wording myself correctly here

[wallacetheentertainer]

"Let's do a friendly, SFW RP blog for a change!" I said, then immediately created a spin-off of my grossest fanon character interpretation ever.

This'll just be a low-interaction in-character blog to figure out the life & exploits of Mundane Human AU Wallace as a "fandomless OC" for my own amusement. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to roleplay with such an offputting little bastard so for the moment considering this a semi-private blog, but future threads aren't off the table entirely depending on how attached I get to this loser shithead.

🎃 @coffinbreath

🎭🎭🎭

Wallace James Punch

Alternate stage moniker: Wally DeLarge

Birthday: 5/22/1993

Voice: if Genesis P-Orridge constantly smoked cigarillos, with a little Sid Vicious

5'/145 lbs/stereotypical angry redhead/fishbelly pale/cold dead blue eyes/terrifying smile/trash fashion sense/trashier tattoos

Basics

A shock-comedy "performance artist" born in Cheshire, England, Wallace Punch's Variety Act has been described by the few critics brave enough to stomach its entirety as "a one-man pantomime of The Aristocrats"---to paraphrase the sex-shop owner in Se7en, "the sort of guy who pisses in a cup on stage and then drinks it". Lots of prop-based humor and dead baby jokes, once landed himself in the hospital with salmonella after biting the head off a plucked dead chicken, another time was banned from the premises for bleeding all over the place when he pierced his nipples with safety pins. He has a small but dedicated fanbase of edgy groupies and is notorious for being mediocre in the sack whenever he does bed them; while not an outright rapist his incel energy is OFF THE CHARTS and if he starts joking about roofies that unfortunately means he likes you. Surprisingly not a drinker given his hair-trigger temper, Wallace prefers club drugs and is very casual about being hooked on amphetamines, definitely not above buying adderall from teenagers despite his age---very "Hello fellow youths" at whatever party he's crashing.

Though as crass and lecherous as his puppet blueprint, Wallace Punch is a complete 180 in other aspects---melancholic as opposed to violent, masking his insecurities with deranged jokes and a pathological need to have all eyes on him, secretly terrified of most animals because for some reason they tend to attack him, masochistic to a point that he's almost too kinky to torture and charismatic in a skanky way that keeps him surrounded by similarly-othered people, topped off with the type of personality disorder that no matter the size of the crowd egging him on, he tends to feel like the loneliest man in the world. Puts the "bi" in "bipolar"---eh, probably, there may not be a straightforward diagnosis for what's wrong with him, and he had a normal-enough childhood that there's no Freudian excuse for his antisocial behavior. Perhaps Wallace is just what happens when a mildly emotionally neglected 10 year old with unsupervised internet access starts stealing his mom's cigarettes and finds that negative attention is better than none.

Backstory, Etc.

The first major turning point in his life was being arrested at age 20 for assault with a weapon, and Wallace was lucky to only spend a year in prison for breaking his flatmate's jaw with a metal juggling torch as soon as he walked in the door---the judge was very lenient, taking into consideration that Wallace's motive was finding "fucked up photos of kids" while snooping through the guy's room for weed; however the case brought so much negative publicity to the Punch name & family restaurant that his father Harold disowned him, with the final comment "you always ran with a bad crowd, why don't you stick with them". This insult on top of the injury of a very rough stay in Wormwood Scrubs broke something in Wallace (it's the one aspect of his criminal history he won't brag about) and led him to start ramping up the show's indecency while using his real name as if to send the message that he wouldn't be so easily forgotten; beyond that he's a registered sex offender due to the number of times he's stripped on stage or taken a leak in public, had to crowdfund bail from fans when he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute while touring the United States, been fined for possession and public intoxication multiple times, regularly steals and engages in prostitution himself despite being quite comfortable from his eccentric aunt's inheritance "because it's fun", and had his license revoked for reckless driving because he's near-sighted yet refuses to wear glasses.

Despite these charges and the general misogynistic bent of his humor, there are quite enough women willing to ignore his many red flags out of sheer curiosity from the rumors (and video clips) that circulate. He's more popular with men, seeming to take pride in making other guys question their sexuality and having lost track of how many times he's heard "you look like a girl from the back"---with his short stature, alto voice, fat ass and flamboyant wardrobe the question as to his sex occasionally comes up, which he'll happily answer with a visual demonstration. Trans fans give him the t-slur pass because for all that he refuses to label himself, he does seem to have quite a fondness for skirts, stockings and tacky jewellery, and while he's definitely chaser-y about it his admiration for transsexuals' "commitment to the bit" in his words is genuine. Wallace isn't particularly bigoted towards one group more than others and will use whatever derogatory language comes to mind first, defaulting towards homophobia (because irony) and antisemitism (because I'm Jewish & comfortable "reclaiming" that, plus I think he'd say some funny shit about us controlling the entertainment industry) or just trash-talking a target's appearance ("Ya call that a moustache? It looks like you're eating a rat!") if sexual and racist epithets don't stick. He gets real enjoyment from audience members heckling him right back, seeming to consider a show a failure if there hasn't been at least one argument or disgusted walk-out.

[szyszkasosnowa]

1, 3 and 6 for the fandom questions :D

Thank you!!

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

ASOIAF/HotD

Luke/Aemond - Yes they did have a deadly rivalry and it's a great reason to ship them but somehow... Nah. I don't feel that. Godspeed to the other shippers tho.

Aemond/Helaena - does the incest show need more incest in it? In my opinion, no. The almost total lack of interactions between two of them doesn't help. I'd like to see more of them being supportive of each other tho, they have potential to have a good relationship.

Brienne/Jaime - ok this one I'm not sure about since it's been 10 years since I've read the books. But I was never really into a romantic side of their relationship? I just liked how they built a mutual trust and respect. Objectively tho it's such a great dynamic, so godspeed also.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Ed x Winry, Roy x Riza, Ling x Lan Fan - none of these pairings was ever even remotely interesting to me.

The Silmarillion

Morgoth/Sauron - I remember everyone and their grandma being under the influence of phobs' designs for them. Hard times for a person not giving a fuck about either of these characters.

Also I'm a different, more enlightened person now so I won't talk about MCU * through gritted teeth, holding on to my chair white-knuckle *

3. Any fandoms that don’t appeal to you?

That's weird but. The Silmarillion fandom. I like a good meta or a good art as any person but... I think I spent too much time being a 1-person fandom for it (back when I was too socially anxious too join any internet discussions, and also was absolutely engulfed in Tolkien lore). So now I just can't vibe with many ways fandom talks about these characters/events.

6. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

I'm tempted to say Aziraphale x Crowley but tbh I lost interest in the Good Omens in its entirety after witnessing its tumblr fandom. I'm not sure what was so offputting about it for me - maybe everyone sucking Neil Gaiman's cock to an unhealty level.

[not-poignant]

Back in the day when I was using FFN I saw a lot of people write their story however they wanted, and then remove the segment that didn’t adhere to the guidelines, leaving a link to their blog where they would post the deleted scene. It was a headache but it’s better than them not posting the story at all. I know that’s a lot of work to do for your already written stories, but maybe m&m? It’s just so sad to think that you’ll be walking on these stupid eggshells writing it.

Hi hi anon!

It was a headache but it’s better than them not posting the story at all.

Definitely. I've been on fandom sites for about twenty years, and when I wrote fanfiction under another name, for a small archive, I did this myself. You know, wrote a more explicit scene, told people they could email me for the chapter (since this was more common back then), and so on.

But you know what's way way way better than all of that?

Being able to post whatever I want on AO3. The freedom is so nice, and I'm never going back to shadily hiding explicit scenes in my metaphorical trenchcoat for folks. I'm done with living that way. And I'm never going to go back to that kind of 'dark ages' dystopian way of getting past censorship while AO3 exists, y'know? :) I was so a happy to walk away from that site, and I'm so happy not to be using the un-user-friendly clusterfuck that is FF.net anymore.

If Wattpad users do want all of my works, they can come to AO3, or download the stories in their entirety from AO3 and read them at any time on their e-readers. So they're technically not missing out if they're just willing to look a bit further afield! :D

As for Mallory & Mount, I'm no longer the kind of writer who writes stories that are 80% porn and 20% story, so the sex scenes won't actually be super prevalent in Mallory & Mount, it's very story driven. And though the sex scenes will be extreme and dubcon, I don't consider this the same as the outright rape that happened in Game Theory. I'm not as worried about that. Same with Underline the Black. I'm just not that kind of writer anymore, I can still write very intense scenes and quite extreme dubcon, but I just don't really feel the urge to put it in every chapter these days? So I don't think most people reading say - The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle - which has lengthy, intense BDSM scenes, would call that a 'porn story' first and foremost, even though it has porn. There's just too much story happening around all the sex, lol.

I don't really think of it as walking on eggshells honestly. I'm just not risking certain stories out of the gate, and they're already safe and fine on AO3 (and Dropbox). And while some of my stories are in a grey area, I'm confident I can articulate why they're valuable and have merit as narratives and/or cut my losses and keep them on AO3.

My shortlist of stories for Wattpad if folks are interested is:

The Wildness Within Stuck on the Puzzle From the Darkness We Rise Into Shadows We Fall The Golden Age that Never Was Spoils of the Spoiled possibly Falling Falling Stars (the length is offputting but I actually think the story could do really well there because it's very consent focused and it has a clear 'sexual assault is bad' message lol) Inmates Passiflora The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle Underline the Black Mallory & Mount

I won't be putting them all up at once, but chapter by chapter as with any serial. The first two in the list are the first two I'll be starting with and they both just need covers now, they're ready to launch. I'm going with a fanfiction/original fiction mix because I can! :D

Stories that I'm not putting up on Wattpad at all:

The Wind that Cuts the Night (I think the front-heavy violent BDSM in the beginning will be too high risk even if it develops a story later - it's a shame because I think it works really well as an 'original novel' even though it's fanfiction). Game Theory The Court of Five Thrones Strange Sights short stories

Stories I'm on the fence on but will make a decision about based on how the short-list goes, or based on how well I think they can do on their own:

Eversion The Ice Plague anything else, lol.

I'm on the fence about The Ice Plague because it's the end point of the canon, but a lot of people came into Fae Tales through that story and I think handled it pretty well.

Eversion has some outright noncon, and while I think it has a strong 'sexual assault is bad' message, it also has Connor 'gosh I love degradation and humiliation and being told I'm filthy and slutty sir' Perkins in it, and even some AO3 readers struggled to find what Connor consented to, consensual, simply because they struggled to see why anyone would enjoy suffering like that. I have never had a character scream 'this is consensual' more in a story and have so many people be like 'oh god this is so horrible, he hates it so much' lmaoooo. I feel like Wattpad readers are going to be even less forgiving of that than AO3 readers.

Anyway, y'all know my plan now! :D It's going to take aaaaaages because I'll be releasing the chapters over time and I'm only going to have like 1-2 old stories updating at once, so um, it might actually take around 8 years to upload everything?

...*laughs nervously*

But no, no, I've been in fandom for over 20 years anon, I am well and truly over the dark ages of 'lol hmu for a link of the explicit wink wonk banned stuff' or 'haha click this link because this puritanical site won't let us be adults!' AO3 is where it's at. And I think we can all just appreciate that it's truly best to just...be able to post anything fictional + sexually taboo there, and not have to worry about a corporation potentially smacking us in the face for it.

[the-ghost-king]

So I'm not going to start like an Anti-Chiron tag because I don't find that enjoyable personally, but every so often people ask why I dislike him so here's essentially a "masterpost" of my thoughts on that situation for when anyone asks, just so I have it to explain some...

This isn't nearly a full list, and there's many more "incidents" that make me less than fond of Chiron, I don't hate the old man but he leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I'm not a fan of that. He's a very twisted character.

- The Lightning Thief

This quote is literally just after Percy's mom "dies", they're all sitting on the porch of the Big House right after he's finally woken up after days of sleeping, and that's the line Chiron pulls out on him.

That's straight up emotional manipulation which was entirely unnecessary in the context of what Chiron was trying to explain. There wasn't a single reason for that, in the slightest.

Immediately following that, and Percy, who canonically has anger issues, does his best to remain calm, he is immediately threatened by Dionysus, and Chiron doesn't even tell Dionysus off for doing that; Chiron just let's it happen. It's Grover who has to speak up to tell Dionysus off...

The only reason Chiron comes out looking like a old guy in this scene is because Dionysus was so much worse in his behavior, at one point intimidating Percy with his power over madness.

- The Titan's Curse

This is the aftermath of when Nico ran away upon confirmation of Bianca's death. When Percy is telling Chiron about the situation, Chiron wishes Nico had been eaten alive rather than recruited into an army.

He'd rather a child be dead than fight against him, and he openly tells this to other children he's in charge of. If Percy went missing would he have said "I hope he was eaten <3" as well?

I don't blame Perry for not delivering the truth here, it was done in an effort to protect Nico; which wasn't something Annabeth had planned on doing... I don't blame Annabeth for that though either, she's been beneath Chiron so long that she probably doesn't realize the shady stuff he does, and to her "going to tell" probably was the "right" move because she was a child...

But the fact that Chiron believes Nico truly would be better off eaten than alive :/

- Tower of Nero

This quote from Tower of Nero shows that Chiron lied to a bunch of young children (most of them were young because the older campers are largely dead because of the war or too old for camp now). It wasn't just a little white lie that adults sometimes tell kids either; they were walking into battle and he told them it was a field trip.

Did he even begin to explain the danger he was putting these kids in? Did the children understand their situation? And how dangerous it was?

Kayla has been blindsided over the years into thinking that telling children they're going on a field trip instead of fighting a battle is something to make a joke of and not be questioned... (Again, I don't blame her she's only like 12 in the book, but still)

Apollo also agrees, which isn't on Chiron but it's a whole mother reason why I can't stand Rick's interpretation of Apollo...

<><><><><>

This isn't me being like "oh Chiron is the worst most evil character ever" I just think that he has numerous flaws which are largely ignored in favor of the "perfect wise teacher" narrative when in fact Chiron and Dumbledore share a lot of.. Offputting qualities.

I do think that some of the situation is simply a result of Chiron having his hands tied behind his back by the gods some. And he even goes so far as to confirm this in a scene of TLT

However many of the scenes in which he exhibits behaviors like that in my first three screenshots are not related to anything the gods require and are, in fact, of Chiron's own free will.

Some things I would blame Zeus and the council for, such as how he withholds information from Percy to an excessive amount for long periods of time even when Percy straight up asks about things. I could easily see that being Zeus trying to prevent Percy from claiming the prophecy as his own, and I could see reasoning that maybe Chiron had sworn over the River Styx or something similar.

But those things don't apply to Chiron making such an unnecessary comment about Percy's mother so close to her "death". It doesn't explain why he would say he hoped Nico had been eaten out loud, and it doesn't cover the fact that he led children into a battlefield without telling them that's what was happening.

I think the context of Chiron's choices and comments would be different if the campers were older. If they were in their late teens or early twenties for the most part, I wouldn't really have much to say about how Chiron handled the situation.

But this man is in charge of children and extremely young teenagers, Percy is only 12 in TLT, maybe if he would have been 16 or 17 then I could give Chiron a pass, but he wasn't. Within the context of the comment he made in the Titan's Curse, Percy is only 14 and Nico is 10 at the beginning of the book... You don't wish a 10 year old had been eaten alive by a monster no matter how bad you think the alternative is, and if you do wish that you don't say it out loud to a group of other children. In the battle from Tower of Nero we get a quick look at the battlefield, and although Ben's age, and the age of another girl fighting alongside him are never confirmed they are implied to be fairly young, and we know Kayla is only 12 at the time too; yet Chiron told them it was a field trip instead of a battle, limiting the time they would have to mentally prepare themselves for what was coming.

On top of that, the nods the reader gets to the fact that Chiron can't act out against the gods depletes over the course of the series. After TLT the amount of times the situation involves the gods interfering with what Chiron is allowed to say lessens, and by the time the Heroes of Olympus series comes around, these limitations on his speech is almost entirely gone. Yet as seen in Tower of Nero he still does morally questionable things in regards to how he treats the campers.

Like I said, I recognize that in many scenes Chiron's hands are tied behind his back because of the gods.. But there are undeniably things he does of his own free will that are, in the nicest manner, very :/

This also isn't a full list of comparisons just a few notable scenes. I don't think Chiron is equally as bad as Dumbledore, but I think it undeniable that Chiron has some significant flaws built into his character design.

A good character has flaws, and there's nothing wrong with having a character that doesn't always conduct themselves properly or have good intentions- it's actually good writing, and I can appreciate that, but for some reason I find myself personally rubbed the wrong way by Chiron. This doesn't make Chiron badly written, or poorly designed, in fact I would say Rick's Chiron is very well designed in lots of ways, but I just don't like how it's never acknowledged by anyone in the series.

Like I said, I'm not starting an anti-Chiron situation, I just think little events like those mentioned, the way he's built a child army, and how he doesn't even try to plead with the gods over raising the ages on campers being allowed to battle is a little sus. But it more so bothers me that there's no attention payed to this problem anywhere in the books, not even by a side character or Luke, nowhere.

I don't actually care that much and this isn't that important to me, but sometimes people ask why I don't like Chiron and this is basically just my explanation to hand off to them... It's not even so much that I dislike Chiron entirely, he's well written and has his "good" moments, I just don't like the way other characters interact with him and his actions.

It's more a personal beef with him rather than an aspect of poor writing or him "being bad"... PJO in general (and HoO/ToA to a much lesser extent) shows that there's not such an inherent good vs bad in the world, and that sometimes people are victims of circumstances in some situations, or they're horribly misguided in their actions, but the series does a good job of showing those people as human still, and I applaud that.

I don't really know how to tie this up in its entirety, but there's nothing wrong with having a morally grey character who does questionable things and in many aspects it is good writing. I think Chiron is a result of Rick not thinking through the implications what he's doing in lots of situations, and I can see a fairly consistent drop in Chiron's characterization from PJO-ToA which is consistent with most other aspects of Rick's work.

I also want to clarify that if you like Chiron and disagree with me, that's absolutely 110% okay, I just personally dislike Chiron and that's on me. Like my problem with many of Rick's other immortal characters, I think he missed important aspects of them in some manner and slightly (or entirely in some cases) mischaracterized them in comparison to their original myths.. Some of these characters he came around on and fixed their character in many aspects to their more "correct" characterization (like Hera), while others (like Chiron and Apollo) he never quite figured them out. Which is a running complaint I have with Rick so I'm just adding this to his tab.

But yeah, I don't hate Chiron I just dislike him and those are different things, and I don't think it's a bad thing to have a morally questionable character, Chiron just personally rubs me the wrong way and I just wanted to explain that more fully because I've been asked about it multiple times.

Also I apologize for not adding a [read more] to this, it's a complaint of mine often when scrolling through the tags but I'm on mobile currently and don't have immediate access to a computer so~

[plounce]

i really wanna get into the mindnumbing feeling vat that is the mountain goats, but i don't know where to start. please help

ok! here we go.

the mountain goats have a very large discography, even discounting the rarities floating around out there. it can be split kind of into two halves: cleaner sounding stuff recorded in a studio with maybe some instruments besides a guitar after darnielle got on a label, and full indie “recorded on a boombox” scratchy lofi. all of it’s pretty good, but the earlier lofi stuff might be an acquired taste.

the best place to start is by listening to the two big albums: the sunset tree and tallahassee. i recommend the entirety of these albums.

the sunset tree is autobiographical, and it was written in response to the death of darnielle’s abusive stepfather. the iconic “this year” is from sunset tree - “i’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me.” another great one from sunset tree is “love love love” - “some things you do for money, and some you do for fun, but the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one.”

some of the songs are extremely sad to listen to if you’re sensitive to discussion of parental abuse - “hast thou considered the tetrapod” is one that discusses the abuse very clearly. many of the songs are about darnielle’s struggles with addiction as a youth as well.

tallahassee is a concept album about the alpha couple. the alpha couple are a concept that lived throughout tmg’s discography - theyre a married couple who are extremely toxic and make each other miserable yet they can’t and won’t get divorced because “the way i feel about you, baby, can’t explain it - you got the best of my love.” tallahassee is the mountain goats’ first label record and is the last installment in the alpha couple’s story. it’s extremely good and tbh probably my favorite tmg record

“no children”, as you know, is from here. so is “old college try”, which might be the first tmg song i ever listened to, on an 8tracks playlist. one of my favorite tmg songs is on here too - “oceanographer’s choice.” it’s such a swirling downward spiral of a song - hatred but absolute need. the flipside of no children’s spite.

those two albums are probably the most essential. from there you can branch out throughout their discography. there are still albums i haven’t listened to fully because i try to mete out each one and give each one its own space and time in my brain. i just started listening to all of all hail west texas last night, actually. the last couple albums have been concept albums, which has been cool - in league with dragons is about fantasy concepts, beat the champ is about amateur wrestling, goths is about the 80s goth rock scene (and has no guitars in its instrumentation!), songs for pierre chuvin is about the christianization of pagans, etc.

albums besides those two i’d recommend to start out: heretic pride, transcendental youth, all eternals deck. two albums that are a bit more lofi-sounding than those previously mentioned that i think are good to start out listening to for that sound: all hail west texas, the coroner’s gambit.

darnielle’s voice is kind of nasal and may be offputting at first, but his lyrics are the band’s greatest strength among many. a lot of times a song hasn’t stood out to me while i played it in the background and then i looked up the lyrics and it hit me like a truck.

here’s a playlist of tmg songs i think are essential and/or are personal favorites, if you just wanna put it on shuffle and listen. someone else would probably make a different playlist for that idea, but you asked me and those are the songs ive listened to on repeat.

i know in my #tmg tag there’s some other starter-kits if you wanna poke through those too!

[noxtms]

IN CHARACTER DATE : december 25th, 2020. TRIGGER WARNINGS : n / a.

the department of mysteries hadn’t changed much in the past decade, aside from the new security in place to deter the likes of them from breaking into its depths once again. no windows, one door, black tiles that reflected their pallid faces back at them, albeit fuzzily featureless. it was almost like stepping back in time. 

after they had gotten the entirety of their group into that first long corridor ( and for good measure, double checked to make sure that the door at the end was not likewise blocked off to them under some new security measure ), RON stupified THEODORE and left him slumped over outside of it. they considered bringing him further, debating it for a long minute after someone put forward the notion that he may be needed along the way - but it wasn’t fair to HERMIONE. however willing she was to take the necessary steps, it was one thing to use him and gain access to the now forbidden level and another entirely to choose bringing him along for the rest of the night, a puppet to their whims.

they had one chance to turn back, and it was in that moment before the heavy black door was pushed open. all of them seemed to realize this in the same instant, and there was a tense sort of pause while they each steeled themselves, broken only when AURA finally twisted the ornate doorknob and pushed her way inside. those that had been there before let out a breath they didn’t realize they were holding - much like the hallway, it was unchanged. a circular room also tiled darkly and lit only by blue flamed candles greeted them, with a number of handleless doors surrounding them. CASSIA, the last one to step inside, went to close the entrance door out of what must have been a remnant of politeness - she was stopped by GINNY, who shook her head and explained to the group, loudly ( even while pulling out her wand to put a glowing red ‘x’ over the wood ), “the room spins whenever a door is closed. to...- make exactly what we’re here to do even harder.”

as promised, there was a rumble when it was finally allowed to fall closed with a muted thump, and the wall began to spin - the doors blurring ( red ‘x’ becoming a line that they could track in the confusion ) and making everyone feel a little queasy before it finally came to a shuddering stop, entrance now solidly across from them. a shiver ran through the group, and NELLIE was the first to ask the obvious, “how do we know where to find the wand?”

“we’ll have to try every room. some we know we don’t need to dwell in - they’re not going to keep the elder wand in the hall of prophecy, and i doubt the brain room-” 

“brain room?” 

“you don’t want to know,” RON muttered, darkly. 

“- i doubt that’s where it would be kept, either. we can split up and get this over with as quickly as possible.” 

everyone seemed rather agreeable to this, but there was once again another glaring hole in the plan : “how will we know when someone’s found it, then?”

they didn’t all have their da coins on them, as it turned out - and they couldn’t guarantee that their amplified voices could be heard through what may very well have been soundproofed doors. they cycled through a number of suggestions, all swiftly shot down, before LUNA piped up. “string. like ariadne.” there was a spark of recognition in some of the gazes that were turned towards her, though the weasley’s ( notably ) didn’t seem to grasp the reference. “it’s a muggle myth. ariadne provided theseus with a string that he used to trace his steps through the minotaur’s maze. i’m sure there’s a spell we can use that would mimic it, and when we find the wand, we can tug the string to let the rest know. 

it was a rather good idea. HERMIONE obliged quickly, a dark blue thread - that snaked off in various directions - erupting from the tip of her wand after some brief consideration. she explained it would lengthen as they walked while she conjured it, and the larger group broke into smaller numbers with little issue. friends partnered with friends, family with family, all with the distinct air of just not wanting to let the other out of their sight. given the events of the evening, this was understandable. prepped now for their excursion ( and reminded to mark the door of the rooms they exited with a different colored ‘x’, though no group really needed this reminder ), a deep breath was collectively inhaled and a look shared amongst them all before they set off in different directions. 

the FIRST group managed right off the bat to choose the hall of prophecy. you never would have known that almost a decade before, the shelves inside had been destroyed by six reducto’s - the chaos they had imagined was waiting had probably been cleaned up in no time at all, and the endless shelves of lightly glowing blue prophecy spheres were just as uniform and dusty as they had been on that first break in. no one expressed any interest in going much further than the threshold, and no one objected when the string bearer turned back around and abandoned the room - marking the door when everyone had exited again. 

the first door tried by the SECOND group was locked until someone cast a powerful unlocking charm on it - alohamora, way back when, had been the only such spell in their arsenal, though the same could not be said now they were older and far wiser. a sickly sweet smell any potioneers in the group would have been able to recognize as amortentia assaulted them all, though it quickly shifted ( as amortentia had the tendency to do ) into a different scent for all of them. this room - misty in a way that evaded description, something bubbling up ahead - was clearly not it, but there was a small amount of difficulty in extracting every member. the string bearer, taking up the rear, took a gulp of stagnant ( but clear ) air from the circular entrance room and urged everyone to follow, but the others footsteps were slow and one of their number attempted to move forward, zombie like, until grabbed at the elbow and forced to leave. for good measure, they didn’t just mark this door - they also locked it once again. 

the THIRD and final group stumbled into the brain room that ron had insisted no one wanted to experience, and anyone who may have doubted him very quickly understood why. the rectangular space, filled with tanks of green, viscous liquid in which a number of brains ( or brain like creatures ) swam was eerily offputting, and the glimpse of a tentacle was the only thing they needed to see to hurry their way along - they stayed close to the wall as they crossed to one of the doors further inside, and abandoned the room without a glance back. 

so they continued, for a while : unlocking doors and searching the rooms that they found, venturing inside and past further doors only when needed. no one touched anything - a warning uttered by more than one of the individuals who had previously been present in the department was heeded by their charges - and the desire wasn’t really there to. they crepy quietly through the department, one door at a time, half expecting to run into an unspeakable or several, and were whittled down to a final five doors in the main entrance way when the string was tugged. 

they had tried four unlocking charms before they found one that forced the door open, they whispered. that alone had caused their hearts to quicken and the thought that this would be the one to cross their minds, but they had made their way into the pitch black room to make sure before they had sent word. a lumos maxima lit up the space, and at the end of a long room that seemed almost to be carved from the very bedrock that presumably surrounded the underground itself, a glass case sat. inside on a velvet cushion lay the object of their late night search : a wand that in all honesty was unfamiliar to them all... but so important to their cause.

“it isn’t very...”

a breath.

“impressive?”  

and it wasn’t, really. aside from the fact that the wood itself seemed aged in some indescribable way, the wand wasn’t much to look at. smooth & undamaged & hilted unremarkably with two connecting spheres for design choice, it looked like just about any wand that could be purchased at ollivanders ( or any shop that sold much the same ), and none of them quite knew what to make of that. there was a certain reverence to the way they all crowded around the case, something in each of their eager faces that betrayed they had all been expecting something more - but an undeniable DISAPPOINTMENT as each of them realized that it really wasn’t anything special. 

perhaps there was something to be said about the power a name held. maybe a myth was all the wand had ever been, and that was there all of its strength had come from - they were all thinking much the same, but it didn’t really matter. even if it was unexceptional in all ways but legend, they couldn’t leave it here. words were exchanged quickly, the best strategy surmised, and then RON used his elbow to break the top of the case. 

they braced themselves, half expecting a security siren to begin frantically beeping like it would have in a muggle movie.

this, too, was silly. 

the department of mysteries didn’t need such things to be perfectly protected, or at least, no one who worked in its depths imagined that it did - several of them stood there testament to the fact that they needed more than just a woman in the elevator accepting access codes to keep the secrets of their life’s work safe. 

ALICIA lifted the wand from its cushion, carefully, on the urging of the others. 

the group turned as one to the door - their exit - the only door they knew would lead them back to the one that they had come through - and froze. 

their blood ran cold. 

“i believe the muggles have a word for a situation, such as this -”

a woman with wild, dark hair stood in the doorway, framed on both sides by masked figures who blocked what little remaining space existed. the smile that curled her lips at both edges was not friendly, or warm - it did not extend to her eyes, black as coal. 

“- deja vu.”