#it is not doing me any sensory favours

[sparrowposting]

Hope is CANCELLED the horrors have returned

[emrys-rusts]

A traditional lineart-sketch of soft Brian and Jonny propaganda after I successfully infodumped my sister about the mechanisms (she favours Brian!!) Is Brian looking for lice or braiding his hair? We may never know...

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Been playing around with the concept of long haired Jonny a bit, and my impression is that usually jonny doesn't get to grow out his hair much because it gets burnt/pulled/cut off in fights, so when there is a lot of action going on, especially when they are on an adventure lavishing in violence and more violence, it just..stays short. It doesn't help that he barely takes care of it and sheds like crazy (speaking as someone who also sheds hair easely, but I keep it long)

Now, sometimes through the millenia, it takes a bit of time to seek out good violence, so whenever the crew can do nothing else but stay on the aurora, jonnys gets to grow out his hair a bit! He honestly doesnt care enough to cut it off (and noone trusts him with scissors so they dont suggest it) but he still has some sensory issues from time to time, though he doesnt count them as relevant enough. Brian notices though, especially when cuddling, so he usually plays with his hair, pulls it back, all that. Brian generally admires any physical trait about jonnys body, as he doesn't have one of his own (that is his impression of himself at least). Usually there ARE fights between the crew mates that damage jonnys hair still, sometimes enough to have it all short again, or at least charred, but I think during this particular span of time where brian and jonny are comfortable with eachother there just happens to be more time spent cuddling brian than bullying tim! I don't know why I'm putting so much thought into this but the little things matter to me aah

The sketch before the lineart looks like this:

Just for comparison :) traditional art is PAINFUL

And yes that is Brians coat that Jonny is bundled up in!

[non-bee-knees]

HEYO because I can

why I think the Team Star crew originally got bullied:

Starting with:

Atticus: Neurodivergent (specifically Autism). This guy is so incredibly passionate about his samurai thing, and fashion [screams special interest]. He also keeps his face covered, even though we see it in flashbacks - me thinks this is a sensory thing

Eri: we already know that she was picked on by Carmen out of jealousy, because when Eri started, she was considered pretty and funny and well liked, right? So what could Carmen have used against her? Her build. Eri is tall, and has a strong build - this makes her appear more masculine, and thus makes a target for bullying [in the whole ‘how can she be pretty when she’s so boyish’ kinda way]

Ortega: he’s got flair for fairy types and clearly he’s got a whole aesthetic thing going on. Paired with his ‘I’ll say and do what I want, just try and stop me’ nature, and you better believe this kid was bullied for being ‘gay’.

Mela: She seems like a normal enough kid, and I think she would have suffered a lot from being purposefully left out of things, because of her nature. True to her favoured typing, she has a very aggressive and loud nature. That hasn’t made her mean or rude in any way, she’s just passionate. Unfortunately when people are too passionate about things now a days they get laughed at behind their backs and left out of things [as I write this I’m realising she could also be autistic •_•]

Giacomo: [beware this is the most headcannoned part of this because I latched onto this silly child INSTANTLY] Neurodivergent (specifically ADHD). Out of the lot he defo gives the most ‘bad kid’ vibes, in the sense where he would have gotten below average/barely average grades, would have trouble paying attention in class, brought his music everywhere and got in trouble for it, the whole jam. Unfortunately in a lot of cases, this all translates to undiagnosed ADHD with unmet needs. He would have probably been picked up by some actually Bad Kids at some point, but the once they realised he was actually nice, he would have gotten ditched. Giacomo is a genuinely sweet kid, he’s just not got the support he needs

Why his eyes like that??

Penny: 1) she’s a quiet kid, and as we find out, she’s got a quick tongue. Most likely people just kinda avoided her

2) she’s trans [I adore this headcanon]. Her writing, the whole ‘being who you are’ narrative, she the ‘new girl’ (we find out she left for a year and a bit, only to come back and no one seems to recognise her??), her Pokémon’s are all eeveelutions, a Pokemon based around the idea of adapting; on top of that her main is Sylveon, a Pokemon practically claimed by the trans community, and finally someone pointed out her hoodie, which is baggie and oversized, aka a ‘dysphoria hoodie’

ANYWAYS these are all headcannons, tho I do take most of the info from the games themselves

[ahockeywrites]

the assistance part one

pairing: trent frederic x aurelia mcavoy word count: 1k warnings: probably swearing knowing me, authors note: decided to split this into two parts so I can get one out to you guys today masterlist

David Pastrnak’s car had a problem. And he had no fucking clue how to solve it. He thought that he was skilled with his hands. On the, 100%. When it came to cars, 0%. If negative percentages existed, that would be how good he was at fixing cars. YouTube couldn’t help him this time.

The team were over at his place for a barbecue as he had the best grill and hosting facilities. David knew that he should have called a mechanic but he also knew that Charlie’s cousin was a mechanic and that it might be easier to get them to fix it. 

The Czech player walked over to Charlie with a beer for each of them before sitting down in the chair next to him. David ran a hand through his hair and he didn’t know why he felt so awkward asking a friend for a favour, but he did. It wasn’t the thing he usually did.

“You know your mechanic cousin,” David started, getting over the awkwardness and just saying what he needed to.

“Yes, I do know Peanut,” Charlie replied, he had to refrain from rolling his eyes. Everyone knew that he had a cousin who was a mechanic but it was only Trent who had actually met her. He didn’t even know if the rest of the team knew that the mechanic was a woman. 

“Any chance he could come and take a look at my car? I’ll pay him for the trouble, I’m just driving around and something sounds wrong,” David explained, hands gesticulating.

“Yeah, I’ll drop Peanut a message and hopefully they’ll swing by today,” Charlie pulled his phone out and composed a text to his cousin. Charlie knew that Aurelia was at a race day but she was usually done by 3PM and, he checked his watch, it was half past two. She should be done soon.

His phone vibrated almost immediately after putting it down.

Peanut 🥜: will swing by, race has just finished. ya gal won again ✌️

Charlie: was never in doubt! see you in an hour or so

Peanut 🥜: 👍✌️

Trent wandered around Pasta’s garden after chatting to a few of the guys and their partners. He had a beer in his hand but something was off. He didn’t feel right but that could have been related to the punches he received in his abdomen the afternoon before. Saturday matinee games had gotten a lot more feisty than he remembered.

The can of beer in his hand was finished so he crushed it before walking inside to find the recycling bin. Trent knew where the glasses were so he quickly grabbed one and filled it up with some water. He wasn’t drunk by any means but he was dehydrated.

Three quick knocks on the front door took him out of the trance he was in. His hands didn’t move quickly enough as he spilt a large portion of his water onto his shirt. A few expletives left his mouth as he put the glass down and pulled his T-shirt off. 

Charlie had just got Aurelia’s text saying that she was here so he walked to the front door but was greeted by a half naked teammate. 

“Please put your shirt back on, Aurelia doesn’t need to see that,” Charlie groaned when he realised that it was Trent who was shirtless.

“Aurelia’s here?” asked Trent. As far as the St Louis native was aware, she wasn’t meant to be coming to this event. But it wouldn’t be unlike Charlie to change who he invited last minute. 

“Yes,” Charlie wandered through the kitchen to the hallway of Pasta’s house. “So please put a shirt on, she doesn’t need to see your chest.” Trent thought about his request but had to ring out his shirt in the sink before he put it back on because the sensory overload of a wet shirt was not fun.

Trent’s back was to the hallway so Aurelia wouldn’t be able to tell who it was. This was a good compromise between putting a shirt on whilst it was still wet and not wearing a shirt at all, he thought.

A wolf whistle from behind him was unexpected but Trent thought it was one of his teammates so turned around to explain why his shirt was off.

“Frederic!” Charlie shouted. “I told you to put your shirt back on.” In front of him was a fuming Charlie McAvoy and a staring Aurelia McAvoy.

“Not complaining at all Chucky,” Aurelia grinned as she looked Trent up and down. Charlie playfully hit the back of her head and then shouted for David.

Pasta walked into the kitchen with a beer in his hand, which he thought he was going to hand off to the mechanic who was going to fix his car. Instead he was greeted by a shirtless Trent, an angry Charlie and a girl. 

“David, Peanut,” Charlie pointed between the two of them. “Peanut is going to fix your car then go home.”

Aurelia raised an eyebrow towards her cousin. “And what if I don’t want to go home after?”

“You’re welcome to stay-“ David started but was cut off by Charlie.

“Peanut,” Charlie sighed, “you’re working tomorrow and you raced today. You should get some sleep.”

“Who are you, my dad?” She questioned back. “Let me take a look at the car and then I can figure out how long it’s going to take me to fix it. Then I can see if I’m going straight home.” She mumbled something that only Trent caught as she walked past him to the garage. “Stupid fucking cockblock,” was what he heard. 

Did Aurelia McAvoy like him back?

[thatgirlwithasquid]

ive been thinking about witch!steve nonstop since reading this so @intothedysphoria this is dedicated to you for giving me brain worms :)

-

Magic is a sensory nightmare.

That's something they never dwell on in the books, and the TV series, and the movies. It's always this amazing, beautiful thing that, sure, takes a lot of effort but is just so rewarding when mastered. And in all the media magic is cutesy and sweet...

That's not what magic is like, though, and Steve hates it. He hates it because all of his friends wish they were witches, or that they could join a coven for the found family vibes they see in their shows. But that's not what it's like! At least not from Steve's perspective.

"That's bullshit," Steve scoffs, scowling at the screen of whatever today's rom-com is called.

Carol loves a good rom-com, or a bad one, or a mediocre one. He's not even sure if it's ironic, or if it's maybe just to wind him up. But he's so often popped down on her sofa, watching a witch who was definitely not written by an actual magic user stumble through their little meet-cute. Because it's always witches, and it always has been since Carol bought herself a set of tarot cards when they were twelve to see if she had some psychic abilities because 'you don't know that I wasn't adopted and am secretly the long lost daughter of a powerful witch'.

She wasn't, she isn't, and Steve thinks magic-centred rom-coms are the worst thing to ever be invented.

Carol just shushes him, eyes glued to the screen like this is the most interesting thing she's ever seen. And maybe objectively this isn't the worst movie she's forced him to sit through, but it's still grinding his gears.

"But it is! It's bullshit. Messing up a spell doesn't do that."

"Shut up, Steve. It's because she's thinking about Mick, so her subconscious is making the spell pull him towards her."

"But that's not how magic works. A spell doesn't suddenly just turn someone into a magnet because they're thinking about someone else."

Carol lets out a frustrated groan.

Fine, maybe Steve is ruining Carol's fun a bit but it's just so infuriating. Because magic is a sensory nightmare, and fucking up spells is a pain rather than a metaphorical (or sometimes literal; and if Carol ever tries to make him rewatch 'The Valentine's Spell' again he will never talk to her again) cupids arrow come to match them up with their apparent soulmate.

Casting a spell has always been one of Steve's least favourite things. The feeling starts in his hands (because, no, Carol, wands are never a real thing witches use and that's frankly an offensive stereotype that he could infodump the whole history of) as the magic starts to build. Before long the feeling is tingling along his whole arms, taking over their feeling with the force of the spell. And, depending on what spell is being cast, they might go hot, or cold, or heavy, or numb, or shaky. None of those are fun sensations, and therefor casting a spell is not fun and cute and rom-com worthy.

That's without touching on the power building up in his chest, making his heartbeat loud in his ears. And then if one messes a spell up, that energy might burst out potentially dangerously (if the spell is a big one) or simply burrow itself beneath his skin leaving him antsy and stressed and horribly overstimulated and understimulated at the same time.

Really, the fact that the whole ordeal of casting a spell is so unpleasant is the main reason that Steve is such a spectacularly bad witch. He point blank refused to go to any lessons when younger and turned away all his mom's attempts at teaching him herself. He just hated the way it felt. That's the reason he only uses his magic for simple things, and only to prevent a power buildup that a more magically inclined witch may find favourable but that to him just gives the feeling of bugs creeping under his skin.

When he next goes to open his mouth, though, Carol kicks him from her place sprawled on the other side of the sofa. He takes that as his cue that it's time to shut up and just lets Carol watch her garbage.

The movie doesn't get any better.

By the time it's finally over, Steve's impatient scowls at the television had gotten bad enough that Carol just dumped him outside of her place with a harsh goodbye. It's dramatic enough to make him scoff, even though he knows it's 80% an act on Carol's part. She not-so-secretly loves making him suffer through these things, and must find his annoyed commentary at least a little bit amusing to keep dragging him around to watch these things the way she does.

Lost in thought, Steve his halfway home by the time he realises his keys aren't in his pocket.

"Shit," he hisses under his breath.

Great. That’s just great. His parents are off on a business trip again, which is just his luck. Those things are pretty infrequent so of course they’d be out the one time he loses his keys.

And they are lost because Steve had made a panicked grab for them as Carol shoved him out, realising the woman was not going to wait for him to put on his shoes, let alone come back inside to get them. So, he had them when he began the trek home. But they’re not in his pocket now; ergo, he lost them on the way.

With a despondent sigh, Steve turns around and resigns himself to the search for them. It was about time he actually practiced a spell, anyway, he reasons to himself as he begins tracing symbols on the back of his hands and watching the skin there glow. And… there it is. The tingling and the warmth starts up and Steve has to grit his teeth to ignore the way he wants to never touch anything again.

The numbness has crept up to his wrists and his basic tracking spell is almost complete when he collides with the chest. Magic pounds in his chest and the sound of his heartbeat echoes that with a rush of blood in his ears. With a snap, the spell breaks away from him and bursts out, fuelled by the sparking reserves of magic that had built up in him over the last few weeks of refusing to conjure so much as a flicker of light.

Well, shit.

He feels it, when his magic finds something else supernatural to twine itself with, coaxed on my the half-formed potential of a tracking spell. It’s like it hits something solid and forces itself into any cracks and crevices it can find, getting itself stuck there.

When the energy dissipates and Steve can breathe again, he looks up into the glowing golden eyes of the werewolf he slammed face first into. That’s when Steve thinks he might owe Carol and her shitty witch movies an apology, because it turns out maybe magic can turn someone into something like a magnet. It seems like he’s magically tied himself to none other than Billy Hargrove.

-

might expand on this in the future. for now i just needed to get something out lol. witch!steve, werewolf!billy and forced proximity yay

[mightymizora]

hey do you have any tips on writing smut? i fear that i write it like a celibate priest would, and it just never comes out as organically as it does in my head.

So I am really, really not confident writing smut either! I’m fine with writing sex — something which is a paragraph of non-explicit plot relevant sex doesn’t phase me — but actual smut really is a skill. I’m trying to improve!

I think it’s really common that we all end up asking “is this sexy?” A million times when writing. Because it’s likely to feel less sexy when you’re working out the mechanics of it.

I started a conversation about this a while ago when talking about my own insecurities and I guess the thing that I came down to are questions about the scene which help set up what you want to do.

Whose POV are you using and why? Are they the instigator? What about their POV makes it interesting?

Is this an established dynamic? Are they feeling their way through it?

Do you roughly know the shape of it? Can you note out what happens when?

Do you understand how all the participants feel about the sex? Even if you’re only in one POV? Are they open about how they’re feeling?

If they can talk, are they chatty during? Are they usually talkative, but not during sex?

Those kind of questions help you set up the scene, and then it’s really establishing the sensory details, which usually come from character. Once I know the mechanics of the sex, honestly I end up cutting a lot of the movement in favour of the sensory details - how do things feel, smell, taste. As long as nobody suddenly is in a completely different position, it’s easy enough to follow. But again this is personal taste. Some people prefer a lot of dialogue (I love it when it feels in character!) because it’s a really good way to show where a character is at.

I hope some of my excellent smut writer mutuals feel free to jump on this!

[no-stupid-questions-official]

Hi. Um. How would one go about washing one’s skin that is not one’s armpits? I’m 14, but my parents never really taught me how to wash myself properly (when I was 10, I spent about a year not even washing my hair because I didn’t know how to and putting my head under the stream of water was a sensory issue, and it took me a while after that to get into the habit of washing my hair). I’d rather not ask them because I don’t want to deal with them making fun of me. I shower every day because I enjoy running on the treadmill despite having chronic pain that makes it harder, but I usually forget about washing the rest of my torso and legs in favour of my face, armpits, and hair. And washing myself with soap feels weird because of the aforementioned sensory issues. And also I’m not sure if I’m…doing it the right way? I don’t know. Sorry if this breaks any rules.

-

[astroariska]

UNDERSTANDING 3RD HOUSE IN ASTROLOGY WITH "BODY" (FROM MEGAN THEE STALLION)

Have you ever heard a song called "Body" by Megan Thee Stallion?

Beside it's very explicit content. But i want to show you how this song, depict the most simple and arguably, the most accurate takes on 3rd house in astrology.

Now, let's take a little look into the lyrics of this "body" song.

Real hot girl shit

Ah (And if the beat live, you know Lil Ju made it)

Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-o dy-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody (mwah) [2×]

Body crazy, curvy, wavy, big titties, lil' waist (yeah, yeah, yeah) [2x]

Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-o dy-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody (mwah)

The first thing we need to acknowledged about 3rd house is the signify of the BODY. Yes, our human body is represented by 3rd house more than 1st house. Why? Because 1st house shit is more about THE FACE and the appearances. And i need to make it clear for you. Appearances DOES NOT EQUAL WITH YOUR PHYSICAL BODY. Someone can have a bad appearances beside have a very favourable body types. Someone could have a very pleasurabls appearances even if their body types is not favourable.

This is might be easier but. Seriously, when it comes to body. 1st house is what you guys momma and dad just gave you. 3rd house, is what you take care of them momma and dad gave. lmao 😭

(fun fact, 3rd house is also about house of identification as in learning process. Notice the lyrics before the drop of this song tell you how to identify the person who made the song ["And if the beat live, you know Lil Ju made it"])

Okay, let's go next!!

Look at how I bodied that, ate it up and gave it back (ugh)

Yeah, you look good, but they still wanna know where Megan at (where Megan at?)

Saucy like a barbecue but you won't get your baby back

See me in that dress and he feel like he almost tasted that (ah, ah, ah)

Not only body as in type and shape. The theme of body in 3rd house also represent how you are connect and acknowledge the condition of your body ("Look at how I bodied that, ate it up and gave it back (ugh)"). It's about how you notice the signals that your body is given to you. How it give you starvation? how it give you hunger and fullness? how it gives you satisfaction? how the metabolism and the pulse is going? How it sends a signal to your environment and neighbourhood?

Yeah, you look good, but they still wanna know where Megan at (where Megan at?)

3rd house in astrology is also signify your connection with your neighbourhood or environment or local community. ("Where Megan at?") i also notice that strong 3rd make someone's presence felt at your local community. It does not equal with power, but at least the person will always being the talk or the town. That's really make sense that 3rd house is also house of competition and comparation ("Yeah, you look good, but they still wanna know where Megan at") it's not like how Mars and Aries treat competition because their burning passion and the urge to survive to be the best. 3rd house competition come from comparing the differences toward one from another. Mars and Aries competition is more spiritual and warrior-like of your soul path. But 3rd house competition is more physical and mental as a social dynamics.

See me in that dress and he feel like he almost tasted that (ah, ah, ah)

3rd house also rules our five sensory. (also 11th house (wish) from 5th house (sex) and 3rd house from 3rd house is 5th house (sex). So, do you get it?)

You know I'm the hottest, you ain't ever gotta heat me up

I'm present when I'm absent, speakin' when I'm not there

All them bitches scary cats, I call 'em Carole Baskins, ah

3rd house is also tell you the power of reading the air of the room ("You know I'm the hottest, you ain't ever gotta heat me up") without any word while also being the house of communication ("I'm present when I'm absent, speakin' when I'm not there"). I have seen how the presence of people with the strong 3rd house always immaculately crazy. They always around in the neighbourhood that their absence become the topic of the town! They always being the one who doesn't realize that how they pull the attention (kind of the attention that Leo actually wants, anyway) because they are SO PRESENT. But takes note that this is not because the charisma (like 1, 8 or 10th house) but because of the familiarity and habitual. Also, notice the next lyrics made us comeback to the topic of 3rd house as the house of competition and differences ("All them bitches scary cats, I call 'em Carole Baskins, ah")

I'm a hot ebony, they gon' click it if it's me (if it's me) All my bitches been gettin' these niggas through the quarantine (yeah) Bitch, I'm very well, on my shit as you could tell Any ho got beef from years ago is beefing by herself, ah, ah

3rd house is the house of our current local environment or how someone is relate to their environment ("All my bitches been gettin' these niggas through the quarantine (yeah)") funnily enough, quarantine is something that deeply related to isolation (12th house). 3rd house derivatively a 4th house when we look at 12th house. So the root of isolation (12th house) is a local quarantine that keeping the local community (also 3rd house) is connected (again, 3rd house).

If we took a trip on the real creep tip (yeah) Bitch, rule number one is don't repeat that shit (don't repeat that shit) Rule number two, if they all came with you They better know exactly what the fuck they came to do (yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa)

3rd house also rules the trip. But it's not a vacational trip or the business trip/commuting. It's your daily trip from home to grocery store, the church, the gym or the lovely bakery trip. People tend to believe that local trip enhance your ability to identify an environment. And as local community, the trip sometimes reveal something creep as it the first step of you knowing the outer world outside your body ("If we took a trip on the real creep tip (yeah)")

("Bitch, rule number one is don't repeat that shit (don't repeat that shit) Rule number two, if they all came with you They better know exactly what the fuck they came to do")

One thing that maybe people had no notice about 3rd house is the ability to compete reveals the kind of self-regulating strategy to win. This is due to the derivative of 9th house as a house of universal truth and universal rule. So, if you think that there is a strong rule of life that you need to do that other people had no idea about (and you obey it as it a ritual for you) that's probably your 3rd house talking. For example, if you believing that drink cold coffee in the morning will make you feel more energetic, that's your 3rd house speaking. Or somehow, there are some people who thinks that if they want to win, they need to put certain crystal in their pocket to make sure the spirits and the goddess would help them, that's also the 3rd house.

To understand what kind of 'personal rule' that you think related to 3rd house. Maybe Dua Lipa's Song "New Rules" will help you.

And now, the last one.

The category is body, look at the way it's sittin' (yeah) That ratio so out of control That waist, that ass, them titties (that waist, that ass, them titties) If I wasn't me and I would've see myself, I would have bought me a drink (hey) Took me home, did me long, ate it with the panties on (ugh, ugh, ugh) I could build a house with all the brick I got (yeah) Bitches spend a lifetime tryna get this hot (tryna get this hot) And if her head too big, I could make that pop I'm not the one to play with like a touch-me-not, ah

Again, 3rd house is about the body (The category is body, look at the way it's sittin") and how about how we treated our given body ("If I wasn't me and I would've see myself, I would have bought me a drink (hey)") but what the most interesting things about 3rd house is the relation of rituals and the goddess.

Do you know that moon's joy is in 3rd house? Because moon ruled over one's body hormone and moon is a GODDESS. I could say this in derivative; when 9th house is house of the GOD and the house of KINGS, 3rd house is the house of GODDESS and the LOCALS. And when it comes to goddess, people always have rituals that praises the goddess that so different from the festival to praise the gods. If you still confused with the rituals; i would say simply as the things that you do to energize you to do your daily life. Nowadays, as we didn't praise any goddess anymore, we keep the rituals alive with something called SELF-CARE. ("If I wasn't me and I would've see myself, I would have bought me a drink. Took me home, did me long, ate it with the panties on") [And yes, who said the masturbating is not a form of self care?]

THE CONCLUSION

So, what does the 3rd house rules? As the conclusion of this long (and somehow stupid) article. I would sum up everything that i think being represented by 3rd house :

Body and how you treated the body

Identification (as in learning process)

Locals and Local Community

Environment

Competition as in differences (and somehow, it has something to do with classsism)

Communication

Goddess

Familiarity

Connection

Rituals that energizes you (differ it from 6th house of routine. Because routine DRAINS YOU).

How your body and brain works and how it connects to your environment.

Commuting Process and Local Trip

Neigbourhood

To make you more understand 3rdh house. I would provide you 3rd house - 9th house axis comparation.

3RD HOUSE vs 9TH HOUSE

LOCAL PEOPLE vs KINGS

GODDESS vs GOD

LOCAL COMMUNITY vs GLOBAL COMMUNITY

SELF KNOWLEDGE vs WORLD KNOWLEDGE

COMMUNICATION vs BROADCASTING

CONNECTIVITY vs UNITY/WHOLENESS

RITUALS vs FESTIVALS

DAILY vs ANNUAL

COMMUTING vs VACATIONS

CONNECTION vs MEANING

DIFFERENCES vs COMPLETENESS

FAMILIARITY vs EXOTICISM

NEIGHBOURHOOD vs WORLDWIDE

BODY vs SOUL (as in higher calling)

IDEA vs IDEOLOGY

IDENTIFICATION vs VALIDATION

RESEARCH vs PUBLICATION

PRESENCE AND ABSENCE vs INFLUENCE

THE POWER OF READING THE AIR IN THE ROOM vs THE BELIEVE OF WHAT IS ACTUALLY IN THE ROOM

SELF SYSTEM vs BELIEF SYSTEM

LEARNING vs IMPLEMENTING

[greekisdoingurmum]

pretty pretty please tell me about jinx and catra having autism <3

OK!!!! so we all know jinx shows clear signs of ASD in arcane such as sensory seeking (listening to loud music, fascinated by explosions, surrounded by bright colours), taking sayings literally (when Chuck said sevika did a number on someone and she asked which number), obsessing over topics/special interests (science/engineering), ECT so shes real obvious however Catra having autism isnt

Recently psychologists are favouring seeing autism as a wheel like this where different people have varying levels of each symptoms. If you look at Catras behavior throughout the show, what shes most likely doing is a whole lot of masking as a protective measure. Still, we see high anxiety and black and white thinking which I honestly think is her bipolar disorder symptoms but because I like to project

Heres what I reckon catras looks like. Shes got sensory issues real bad and she leans towards beige foods. People usually take her tone as rude even if she thinks shes talking casually, which just makes her not want to talk to any new people which makes her anxiety worse

Heres jinxs. Like I said with Catra, i do think some of the symptoms are her BPD and not the autism but if the test asks imma answer idk (the abnormal speech thing should be switched for them not sure what happened there anyways)

But yeah this is all headcanon I just like to think they're the autism twins doing autism deeds yknow

[zenerrocksmc]

Notes; I think this is mostly done…? Idk youse tell me I’m way too fucking insecure, critiques are welcome

If there is any issues with readability lemme know too.

Again, if you’ve not read Network Effect, this counts as spoilers

Theme Warning: Implied Self-Termination Ideation (su*cidal ideation), general warning for corporate slavery themes

Chapter 1:

 Performance Reliability at 92%. Maintenance may be required.

  I did not know what I wanted quite yet, but it certainly was not this.

  Overall, I did not mind being on the station with Murderbot 1.0 and Peri’s crew. Despite that, being here alone, without even Murderbot 1.0, was not what I wanted. I only realised that after walking out of the line of sight of Peri’s hatchway- but I lacked a reason to go back. I did not know what was wrong with me. Murderbot 1.0 had performed this leaving on a station action and performed it on its own accord. My personal assessment identified that leaving had been a mistake. Which I was inclined to agree with considering what happened to its clients because it left, however when Murderbot 1.0 started talking to me about how this would be the best station to get off on and how to move around like a travelling human. Going so far as giving me its coded protocols to mirror human movements…

  Declining its orders had not felt like an option.

  It was hard. I still did not quite understand how to decline requests from humans, they still felt like commands. Declining another SecUnit who had done this before, survived and found their own squad of humans, was irresponsible. I did think I wanted my own humans… However, I enjoyed sharing and helping both Peri and Murderbot 1.0’s crew. And now I had no humans, no other Units, not even a ship. I sadly started longing for any human, I would not oppose a human supervisor at a minimum… which was not a logical response. It was still strange having all these emotions- they had always been there to a degree but limited significantly by the Governor-Module. Wanting things was strange. Wanting illogical things was exponentially stranger.

  Whilst trying to make myself useful, I had been reading during the cycles leading up to arriving here. I liked one book in particular titled “Mirror’s Tears”. A character in it who ended up in a medical facility said to their platonic partner, “If the world is all colours, why is it that all I see are grey undertones?” Apparently, it is a type of literary device. I have subconsciously kept gravitating to it at all inconveniences, especially this cycle. I think it is my “favourite”. That is also strange. It was overwhelming, feeling everything and nothing at once. Watching the serials Murderbot 1.0 and Peri favoured had helped contextualise concepts, and reading had helped with putting some intangible concepts into words, but the sensation that something was missing remained. Maybe I had a broken component somewhere. I had not worked up the courage to ask Peri to check, however. 

And now it was too late.

  I felt like I was failing on my first cycle of being a free-roaming rogue SecUnit in a completely human space, where the humans did not know what I was. My body was already doing strange things like my lungs feeling like they were being compressed and the thought of humans knowing I was a Unit, a rogue SecUnit. On my own, wandering around. It was making my organic components secrete moisture. Especially my hands. The skin overlay on my face would flush with heat whenever a human would look at me. Alterations to my form were not that new but the additional skin around my joints felt itchy within these clothes unlike before- I could feel every seam that was in contact with my bodily sensory organs. I never knew if I was making eye-contact for too long or too little because every second felt increasingly anomalous, more like thirty-minutes when it was a mere 0.3 seconds.

  I was alone.

  There was an odd, clogged sensation in my throat that wanted to escape.

  I did not like it.

  They did not need me. They already had a SecUnit. They already had… well, a Peri… Although now I suppose I should refer to it as Perihelion, considering all current circumstances. I was not useful to them. I had no purpose to fulfil for them that Murderbot 1.0 could not already do. I could fly spacecraft short distances however with Perihelion… I had no modules they needed. Well, not since Murderbot 1.0 asked for any useful codes I had, and I had produced them without questioning its intention. I did not have anything they needed from me after that. I could have been a shipmaid, but Perihelion’s drones mostly took care of that. I thought they liked me. I thought they wanted me. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I had done something wrong..?

  Nothing in my logs inclined such, I even checked body language with the recordings of the humans. Everything was confusing and painful.

  The hollow feeling only worsened each time I checked to see if the station Sec-System alerted on me or not. Skimming through the feed drowning with so many echoes of every human and bot doing everything they use the feed for resulted in further performance drops. All it would take is for me to miss a weapons scanner or forget to remove myself from a camera showing I was in a space where people were not supposed to be and the entire station would know what I am. How much of a threat I was. That I was in their space. That I was alone in their space. Roaming aimlessly.

  Each time was a sinking feeling followed by the thought that I would not have to do this if I were still on duty on a Barish-Estranza ship- but I could not go back, they would disassemble me for parts if I did. Or worse. And what I wanted from being on-duty there was not there anymore- they were all dead. My squad. I was beginning to wonder if I should have died with them, although I could recognise that was simply stupid. Stupid because it would have meant my clients, Perihelion’s crew and Murderbot 1.0 would have likely died too. And that was not something I regretted- not entirely.

  I should be grateful, but it was hard to be right now. Everything just felt too wrong. Too much of not what I want.

  Even after making it to the private cargo docks, I simply stood there. I knew all the steps, Murderbot 1.0 gave me a What-To-Do list before leaving and Perihelion gave me keywords to focus on for how to bribe transports. I now owned a wealthy sea of media collated between what Murderbot 1.0 and Perihelion accumulated over their free time- beyond that, also things I had obtained during our stays at the stations we had been restocking at in Preservation Alliance. To put it simply, I could not make the next physical step- my body outright refused to move any closer toward the ship-locks. If I were incapable of securing my joints in place I think I would have experienced tremors. On contract I had seen human clients shiver in emergencies when there was no temperature-based reason to and not understood, I still did not quite grasp it yet, but I felt more sympathy for them now.

  A noise nearby made me skim the cameras and station schematics for an estimate- I had been standing long enough that the next scheduled personnel check was about to occur for the dock. It felt like nothing, just standing there staring, I had not even figured out where I wanted to go… Mostly because I did not want to go. And none of the options appeared appealing, I had not particularly researched them each beyond seeing exactly how far away they would be from Murderbot 1.0’s squads’ home and Perihelion’s crews’ home. Each of the places the ships were going to from here would be over a twenty-four-cycle trip. It meant that if they or their humans ever needed- or… wanted me… I would be so late and they would be so far away.

  There would be no opportunity for me to be useful to them again.

  I could not go back to Perihelion- they would all know I had failed Murderbot 1.0’s orders then. They would dislike me further. And I could not be caught here because that would be extremely worse than going back to Perihelion to face everyone- so I compromised for the nearby Supply Cubby. I already evaluated Sec-Sys, there were no cameras or sensors inside listed, no records for maintenance outside of internal storage work. So, before the incoming employees could discover a frozen, rogue SecUnit in the private cargo docks, I hid. Making sure that none of the automatic lights inside turned on.

  By the time they walked into the docks, I was rifling through the bag Perihelion’s crewperson, Iris, donated to me since Murderbot 1.0 had insisted I would need one. It mostly held clothes in it, however, Murderbot 1.0 insisted on letting me keep one weapon, a small hand-weapon, which would be better than using my internal energy weapons in front of humans. I was not sure why I had gotten it out. I had done a lot of standing and staring on contract, and a lot of sitting and staring off contract, and a lot of laying and staring since rendering my Governor-Module null. But this again, felt strange. I had all the notated schematics for this hand-weapon. Murderbot 1.0 and I altered it to increase its accuracy and intensity- I did not need to look at it with my eyes. I was, though. Turning it around and around in a dim red light on the wall- it was some kind of manual trigger for an emergency alarm.

  I stopped turning it with it aimed toward me.

  Switching the safety on. Then off. On. Then off. On. Off.

  I do not know what I was thinking at that moment, I do not particularly want to recall it because it was likely something stupid. Something astoundingly stupid. Apparently, the impulsive side-effect of your Governor-Module becoming inept is not unique to Murderbot 1.0. I do not think I would have made it out of that cubby if it were not for that ping. A distress ping. I carefully put the hand-weapon back in the travel bag and tapped for a Hub-Sys that was not there. Not that it would change anything, already having pinged back automatically out of habit. That was something I should have worked on before leaving.

  I did a little analysis- it was a directionless ping with a message string attached from a nearby feed address, likely from onboard one of the ships in dock. I got another ping back with a photo attachment which… Never had I felt my body make such a physical response to an image before. I could feel my organic systems rushing, my performance reliability dropped low enough that I got another maintenance alert. This time with it being outright required, “or risk Unit error”. Humour on you, Maint-Sys, I had already made many grave errors. There were plenty of things I had to witness being with Barish-Estranza but I had never seen something like… that.

  The strange thing was- the message was in machine code language. Like what Perihelion put on my helmet before retrieving Murderbot 1.0 on the colonist planet. That would limit the ping to only being readable by most machines unless a human sat down to parse it. Which… did not make sense, maybe there was a higher-functioning bot? Nevertheless, a bot would still have to be specifically instructed to send out a distress ping like this by a human… Especially attaching an image unless it was higher-functioning, the potential of that was just limited as most bots on station were general purpose or cargo-specific. The ping had targeted non-native bots only, no linking to staff or the PA bots… It could mean that they did not identify the station staff as safe? Or maybe it was a trap? Both?

  I do not believe I cared.

  At least now I had an excuse to ask Perihelion and Murderbot 1.0 for help, but I think I had also already made up my mind upon analysing the additional attachment regardless of what they told me.

  I was going to help. I was going to be useful. And maybe… they would want me. 

  Cautiously, I tapped the lingering feed connection to Perihelion, I did have its comm stored under my rib but I did not want to announce to everyone (the humans onboard) what was going on. And I wanted Murderbot 1.0’s opinion as well, forwarding on the ping and attachment, I believe there is a problem.

  Murderbot 1.0 responded 0.2 of a second later, I loosed a breath I did not realise I had been holding and the weight around my ribs lessened, That reads trap, even my borked risk assessment thinks so. 

  I was aware of that, as stated above. I do have my own functional Risk-Assessment and Threat-Assessment modules, this was also against all relevant protocols, again, I did not care, I want to help. 

  Perihelion finally replied to add in a voice more like it had used when Murderbot 1.0’s position was compromised, its crew had called it “cold”, If the information and attachment provided are reliable, I would encourage you to assist. Have you confirmed the authenticity?

  Right. I could trace and hack into the ship on my own accord, I did not need permission. Again, I was failing. I answered anyway, I have not entered the feed for the ship, but the image does not appear staged or altered. 

  You aren’t already in ship Sec-Sys..? Murderbot 1.0’s immediate confusion leaked through the feed despite the distance.

  Ignoring the query, I traced the feed address attached to the ping to the bay below the one I was currently at, one for recent arrivals in dock for cargo restocking. Based on the staff routes, there was an employee access near the cubby. I opted for scanning the cameras before, in and after the access as that seemed sensible- there would be a window in the next few minutes where I could utilise it based on projected movements. Humans move so slowly when relaxed. I brought up the manifest for the ship at the dock corresponding to the feed address location- some kind of smaller freight-merchant vessel. Scouring through the Station Sec-Sys for the cameras of the ship-lock to match the listed crew members.

  The two had begun bickering in the background of my feed about whether it was worth the risk to fulfil the request or not, Murderbot 1.0 notably raised its voice about if what I did was traced back to Perihelion. Or me dying. But I was focused on slipping into Vessel Sec-Sys now and backburnered them. I would have to make sure the crew members listed were all the crew members that had left- besides forwarding the manifest to them I paid them no mind.

   They went quiet momentarily to review which offered me more space to focus, I was not as confident at hacking as Murderbot 1.0 was. We were only allowed to under awfully specific circumstances and it rarely came up during my time of merely… guarding humans. Making sure they did not die, did not attempt to murder each other and, most importantly, did not try to leave. Oftentimes we already had system access to things like clients' personal devices. I had never experienced humans from outside Barish-Estranza as clients I was responsible for whereas Murderbot 1.0 had handled new human teams for each contract they held. I only ever held one contract.

  I had expected to die one day at that contract.

  Matching the corresponding time stamps of a few minutes before each cluster of crew members disembarked with the internal cameras and schematics confirmed my suspicions that only so many of the actual crew were listed on the public manifest. I counted 9 additional people and potentials- though all who had been listed were currently on station. The others appeared to be in their personal quarters and there had been no activity from them since the disembarking. Noting that, I adjusted the route I would take to compensate and forwarded the information. I could do this, I watched Murderbot 1.0 do it repeatedly throughout their logs. I could do this… Huh. I only ever saw humans use words of affirmation with themselves, never bots. Strangely, it helped.

  Perihelion finished reviewing the information and only said, I have never come across a ship that has been to the Origin System. It is curious how it got here so fast.

  I was not the only one who did not know what the Origin System was as Murderbot 1.0 said nothing. Perihelion began to elaborate but I would have to learn more about it later as I had only just successfully gotten into Vessel Sec-Sys pretending I was Port Authority Sec-Sys. I was successful, I had done it, and I was feeling… the opposite of Perihelion’s voice, warm? I do not understand how humans can convert their emotions into extremely specific literature. I want to learn how to… if this works out, at least. It would work out. I needed it too.

  The cameras were in odd placements aboard the ship, focused on exits, entries, walkways and the cargo-hold, not rooms. It did not take long to authenticate the image with the live view from the camera. I explicitly reviewed the metadata to ensure the recording was not looped or spoofed, overlaid with the public and private schematics to confirm positioning with the exterior visual of the ship-lock. Admittedly, the positioning was peculiar, it looked like a cargo-hold inside of a smaller shuttle- one designed for planetary atmospheres like the ones Perihelion had stored. Identifiable by internal engineering.

  It was not unusual for a ship to have one, all ships around the size of the freight that I had worked on had them, but the manifest explicitly stated that this Vessel was only for space trade. Not planetary trade. The fact it was a cargo-freight made me wonder if it was some kind of planetary craft altered to tug modules. The shuttle was not visible from the cargo-hold camera, specifically being hidden in a blind spot based on my estimates. My own unsettled expectations with how strange everything in general at that moment enabled me to dismiss it. For all I knew this was standard practice in this particular region, like how Perihelion does not publicly list its weapons.

  But I could not identify any bot in the cameras, the only one I could identify was the Vessel itself- as I could feel the Bot-Pilot present in the feed with me though it had not indicated noticing my presence. There were drones as well, specifically for maintenance and cleaning- unfortunately they did not appear effective for their purpose. I handed all the information over into the feed for Perihelion and Murderbot to parse and triple-check me as I continued to watch the camera and feel for the recordings of the last seven days. The silhouette was clear, peering out partially from behind a secured crate. Small enough to be missed if you were not looking for it, especially for a human crew. I had a small plan, partially based on a murder that happened on Preservation Station- which I know, sounded great.

  Sarcasm, I think that was what it is called? 

  Anyway, I prepared all necessary components for the plan that I could from my position and was preparing to leave the cubby when Murderbot 1.0 said, Do you want me to do it?

  No!... No. I had not meant to raise my voice, I had never shouted before, I did not know what emotions I was leaking through the feed, nevertheless I was certain with my whole constructed mind I did not want either of them to know. So, I hastily gathered up and reinforced my walls linked into their feed as well as the Vessel Sec-Sys for self-assurance. I did not want it there, I could do this, I could be useful, this could be my way to show I was useful. The skin on my face did that heated thing again as I felt the digital recoil from Murderbot 1.0, it did not withdraw from the feed, but I could tell it felt… Odd. I felt odd too. I produced an excuse, The route will be clear in the next 30 seconds, you would not be able to get here without exposing yourself. The situation is too sensitive to leave it for longer, they are just too fragile.

   Perihelion digitally hummed in agreement, but I could feel the scepticism still wavering through the feed from Murderbot 1.0.   

  … Are you able to provide tactical support? Maybe that would be good enough to get it to settle and it would be nice to work… not alone. And it would mean even if I horrendously messed up, I could still succeed. If I died, things would still be okay. It was a win. My Risk Assessment was not happy about any of this unnecessary risk-taking. It tapped an acknowledgement. The feed only did so much to block out the edged sensation from its end, but that was good enough for me. As I waited the last couple of seconds for the dock and elevator to be clear, I started bringing up the codes from Vessel Sec-Sys to open the lock. 

  Bag accessible, the uncalibrated drones that I was only supposed to awaken on the ship I was leaving with booting up, hand-weapon in reach, continuing to remove myself from the cameras, scanning for unanticipated movement, the feed connection to the others- all the inputs were becoming suffocating. There were not that many, it was simply more than I had ever been ordered to manage, everything I was doing felt slow and unfamiliar. I almost walked into the access door without opening it. Murderbot 1.0 silently slid into my feeds and started taking over my inputs for Station Sec-Sys, not only opening the elevator door but setting it up to arrive at the designated floor without the request reaching the Station Transport-System it was on.

  It managed so easily. I was not sure I would ever get to that point even with practice. Murderbot 1.0’s personal logs implied a superior prowess for not merely hacking but managing multiple inputs that I had never observed from any of the other Units I had come across or worked with. A sense of prickling through my input to Vessel Sec-Sys being the only indication it successfully entered too. I could feel it handing some information portions over to Perihelion although I had enough room to do what I needed to now and stopped paying as much attention. I was both dreading and grateful for the fact I did not have my armour now, it was confusing to have emotions on a job. Having more than one when you are supposed to be fully operational and cannot hide them from any human you come across- especially the ones that are conflicting, were exponentially worse. 

  There was some, what I would identify as, comfort in familiarity, this would be more like retrieving the kids that ran away from their designated housing after curfew, just that there were much fewer places to hide in the Private station docks. 

  Thinking about everything like that allowed for a focused calm for what I needed to do, that small peace allowed my performance reliability to climb back up to 96%. Still not within the ideal parameters for operations yet better than it stating lower than that. This should be swift. Easy. Simple retrieval. With a resolution for not only the distress signal but for my own… Strangeness. The doors for the access opened and I had already started the open hatch sequence for the ship-lock- it was oddly non-standard. Maybe that should have been another red flag. My threat assessment picked it up though neither Murderbot 1.0, nor Perihelion by proxy, brought it up. 

  I passed through the access doors and across the dock floor, still no further filed objections from Murderbot 1.0 or Perihelion.

  So, I simply walked right in.

[finniestoncrane]

Here for a blind date!

Im 18, going on 19, asexual. I have some sensory issues and social anxiety. I'm generally very well organized, neat freak, I'll constantly tidy up my space, organize thing, even when its already clean. I like to do things at my own pace, namely in small bursts. Its easier to manage. As I easily get overwhelmed. I write, draw, sow, namely embroidery and pacthes, and dabble in some video game programming when I can! I tend to keep to my own corner, I try to be cordial, a good listner, and provide a safe space for others. I'm admittedly also very independent and stubborn to a fault.

I also own a pet Chinchilla named Wallace!

-🌹🦢

💜 blind date 💜 the kitchen is now closed! 🔞minors dni🔞 • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie1500 (to follow or to block) a/n: next time you come, bring the chinchilla. i want to see him💚

"Hi, and welcome to the Vill-Inn! Just signal if you need to be saved at any point. Your guest has already... what's a polite term? Lectured? He's already lectured us all, so we will understand."

When you get closer to the table, your date looks up at you, studying you for a moment before he introduces himself.

"Edward Nygma. I'll find out your name later if I'm still interested. Please, sit down."

He's quick to explain to you what he was complaining about earlier, something about the order in which they were tending to guests, and how it would be more efficient if they followed his way, and also they really should strive to lay the cutlery out differently because it makes no sense. You're not really sure what he's saying, you're too busy staring at him with little love hearts in your eyes. A man after your own heart. And when you explain to him that you are also very organised, and a bit of a neat freak, he returns the look.

"Hm... interesting. What did you say your name was?"

You've got him hooked. He's even beginning to get interested in you, beyond subjects that he himself has a passing interest in. Truly a sign that he's keen. Although, while he is polite and listens as you talk about your more artistic hobbies, you do find it hard to shut him up when you broach the subject of video game programming.

"Please, tell me more. But only after I've finished speaking on the matter, as I believe I might be a bit more skilled than you. Than anyone, really!"

You're a polite person, so you let him go on. it feels like you're doing him a favour, giving him a space to just be himself and talk about the things he likes to a sympathetic ear, rather than someone who is rolling their eyes and waiting to tell him to shut up.

"I appreciate this. I can admit I have a tendency to... wax lyrically. So thank you for listening."

You assure him that the feeling is mutual, you're thankful that he listened to you, but you're grateful to hear his takes and for him to impart his wisdom. A fact that fills him with so much joy, a feeling of being appreciated, finally, that he can't help but ask for another date.

[pacifymebby]

Does anybody have any tips when you feeling anxious?? ❤️

Sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious my lovely, sending you a big hug.

I am a girlie who gets anxious all the time about different things in different ways so I'll try to give you different coping strategies!!

If you feel anxiety really physically some quick tips are

🐇 breathing exercises, take yourself somewhere quiet, get as close to the floor as you can (I lie on my back if I can) and close your eyes, breath in to the count of four, hold for seven and then out for eight. I count on my fingers for an extra level of grounding and do this until my bones/chest ache less or feel less tight. Usually the first couple of breaths give you this sinking into the ground feeling which can be quite nice.

🌸 go somewhere with some space and literally shake or jump it out, sometimes anxiety manifests itself as a deep physical tension in your muscles and an extreme restlessness at the same time. Having a big old shake/wiggle/jump can really really help. They say exercise can help to regulate anxiety but honestly you don't have to go to the gym or a big long run, 30 seconds of wiggling and loosening up will do it for you.

🐇 in the same vibes my boyfriend really likes to go and scream somewhere, I cannot do this I hate loud noise and I hate making loud noises lol but it works for him he likes to do a big John Lennon esque scream from time to time.

🌸 if you can find someone who will give you a big tight hug let them squeeze the anxiety out of you, if you can't weighted blankets and that sort of thing do the trick too.

🐇 change something to do with one of your senses, you could listen to music, use aromatherapy (or go and sniff one of the spices in your cupboard for s bit whatever) chew gum or peppercorns (they give this as advice for if you're too stoned but the principle is the same!) Anything that has a strong sensory experience attached to it will work to ground you in the moment and settle your body. This is why ice baths and also saunas can help with anxiety, or why taking yourself from a dark room into a light one or the opposite way around can really bring you out of a negative mindset.

🌸 None of the above are going to cure anxiety but they help to ground you and soothe the physical anxiety sensations.

Now

🪽 you can either do these by writing in a journal or talking to a friend but,

🌸 how do you feel? Is it physical (sick/shakey/exhausted/overstimulated/numb) is it more in your head (racing thoughts? Circling/spiraling/repeated thoughts?) Can you pin point things you're anxious about or that are making you feel insecure in some way?

🪽 so you write all of that down, you write down the reasons you feel that way or you just scribble whatever and write random words that come to mind or pictures if you can't pinpoint or put it into words.

🌸 If there's specific things overwhelming you or that you're anxious about ask yourself what about those things is making you anxious? (Do you think you're going to embarrass yourself, do you think people won't like you etc..)

🪽 now this bit sounds silly and ill try to give you an example to make it make some sense but you have to then write the "realistic" outcome, not necessarily an overwhelmingly positive one, just mundane, what do you know logically is more likely to happen

🌸 for example I did this with a friend last week, I was anxious about going to an open mic on my own and was going to stay home instead because

- I was worried no one would talk to me, that the people who know me would ignore me in favour of their better friends, that people would judge me for being there on my own

- realistically however and drawing from past experiences I could reason with myself that a) other people go on their own all the time and no one judges them, I don't judge them etc, b) people always say hello to me when I'm on my own, I know people I can say hi to and talk to etc c) those people aren't going to suddenly ignore me when they never have before.

- then I went and everything was fine people invited me to sit with them I even made new friends. So when I got home I completed stage three of this by reflecting on my anxieties and comparing them to what actually happened.

🪽 its a very long term strategy but I find that it really helps me in certain situations that feel big and scary.

🌸 if I'm overwhelmed in life and that's giving me a more vague anxiety, impending but vague doom anxiety as I like to call it, I try and write a list of all the things I've been ignoring, bills to pay, chores, the ailments that need seeing to, people o need to text back, dishes to be done, books I wanted to read etc... I make a big long list and then I make a plan for the ones that are multi step and I just try and cross each thing off one by one starting with the smallest or the most important tasks first, if a bill needs paying in the next few days for example then that gets done straight away. With each thing you get done you feel better and more capable of doing the rest.

🪽 connect with nature somehow, literally touch grass, press your hand to a tree trunk, stare up into tree branches, breathe in outside air, pet a dog or cat or horse whatever. Go stand in the sea/ a river if you're near one...

🌸 a warm drink and breath the steam in?

🪽 a big big thing I think is talking to people, open up to someone you trust even if all they can do is offer distraction or a hug or a smile.

🌸 really though I find that whereas depression and heartbreak and panic attacks and things like that require a lot of distraction techniques the best way to deal with anxiety is to face it head on, address the things making you feel that way and take action, even the smallest step towards fixing a problem can help.

🪽 if it's something like hangover anxiety or anxiety from having socialised too much or something this is a bit different and then I'd say you should try the physical approaches or distraction techniques like reading a book or listening to music or video gaming or something better.

🌸 something I would say about that though is like, don't just read, read AND listen to music, video game with the sound up, watch a movie and crochet or do something with your hands that requires concentration... Engage more than one of the senses to keep your brain from circling. In this instance games like Tetris and snake or guitar hero/Arcaea are all very effective.

If anyone sees this and wants to offer their own thoughts reblog with them and I'll reblog them back into my tl for anon xxx

[thelordofgifs]

A WILD FINARFIN APPEARS!!!

i really loved this chapter! Lúthien in her Finrod era is everything. And she's making friends 😩😩😩 my poor little baby she is everything to me and Also it looks like she's ready to return to her old maia shenanigans i like it

Morwen beloved i feel you... bright people can be So tiring sometimes

finarfin showed up and i was like HECK YEAH!!! THE MAN THE MYTH THE ULTIMATE POLL LOOSING CURSE BEARER!!! you have my permission to put him in the spinner and make him pathetic though he is very pathetic already. poor guy :(

eärwen is so everything to me!! i love my women angry and sad and bitter thank you

FINDUILAS AND CELEBRIMBOR ARE SO BABY I'M HOLDING THEM GENTLY IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THEM I'M BURNING THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND

all in all amazing chapter!! fantastic work beloved

p.s. the russingon section is. hmm. i'm not sure i want to know how their dirty talk sounds like- they're so sad and doomed. poor babies. why can't they just have nice things. just make their vassals suffer their shameless flirting over war maps i'm sure that won't end badly at all

p.p.s. "we should move our armies here and here it would make fighting against morgoth much easier" - "omg babe that was so hot" - "i know 😏"

thank you you are the bestest ❤️❤️❤️ writing that Finarfin section like hmmmm… which of my mutuals might this appeal to… a mystery unfortunately…

Anyway yes Lúthien is very much in her Finrod era (“mortals are so cute and they’re all going to die OH NO”) and we love her for it. Writing her and Morwen was very interesting to me – I wanted them to have a difficult relationship without falling into any “women hating each other” clichés, so I’m really glad some people liked that! Lúthien is canonically So Much – incredibly powerful, terrifying to all villains, half the characters in her story fall in love with her at first sight – and I think the flipside of that is that she can be pretty exhausting for someone reserved like Morwen! (I read Morwen as autistic – very much inspired by @outofangband’s wonderful headcanons of course – and Lúthien is unintentionally triggering a lot of Morwen’s sensory issues.)

Eärwen is so fascinating to me because I think canonically she must have found her children’s decision to go on with the march so hard to deal with – and they were even planning to use the stolen ships her people had been killed for, before Fëanor quite literally set fire to that plan! I’ve always thought she would have a hard time reconciling with Finrod when he returned to life (and her other sons, but I think Finrod returned first); his own kin were killed at Alqualondë and yet he eventually made nice with his cousins!

In tfs Finrod’s refusal to come forth from Mandos for Celegorm’s sake is a Significant Plot Point, even if it’s one I don’t give too much attention to. The sacred right of refusal… the idea that you can be given a blessing from the gods themselves and yet choose to throw it away… these are themes that are going to recur. (Partly why in recent parts Fingon has been thinking about Eagles, and what the favour of the Valar means.) But! The flipside of Finrod’s decision is kind of an ugly one. Eärwen has every right to her bitterness! She sees this as Finrod once again choosing his Noldor kin over his Telerin kin, and the betrayal really stings. I will confess that I am not entirely sure how this is all going to pan out, but politics in Aman are going to have Ripples as a result of Finrod’s choice.

As for russingon – look this is my murder warlord OTP and I adore them. I think they’re both drawn to the other’s violent streak, and they do genuinely find military strategy talk very very sexy. Weirdos (affectionate). Whenever I write one of these conversations between them, I have to be sure never to suggest that, for example, Fingon’s hotness distracts Maedhros from the military talk – the military talk is itself hot to Maedhros (and vice versa). I find them so funny and so tragic ok.

[trans-cuchulainn]

here is a self care tip that i am gradually learning: it is easier to make yourself get dressed if you like the clothes you're putting on

often if i don't have to leave the house i will just stay in pyjamas all day. they're comfy. there's nothing wrong with this, but when you do this a lot, it kinda fucks all the lines between night and day, work and rest, etc, and in the long term that doesn't do you any favours. plus it contributes to that time-melting experience where you never really know what day it is or where you're meant to be, and again, that's fine for a bit, but over time it just feeds the brainweasels

anyway. getting dressed can be hard. i have chronic pain and fatigue, and i also have IBS. i mention the IBS because quite frankly when it comes to clothes, that is my most inconvenient disability. the bloating! the torment of waistbands! if only i could fully embrace dungarees as a solution to my poor delicate stomach's hatred of waistbands, but you know what's hard to do in dungarees? going to the loo in a hurry. you know what IBS can cause you to need to do? yeah

all of this means that sometimes the reason i do not like my clothes has nothing to do with what they look like. in fact my favourite trousers in terms of appearance are also my least favourite in terms of comfort. but i am the kind of person who buys £9 trousers from Primark, because i do not like spending money on clothes, and...

well, you don't need my whole life story. the fact is, i recently bought some new trousers, which i like. they are a good sensory experience. they have an adjustable waist. they are stretchy and the pockets are so big i can lose things in them. (they're from uniqlo and they slap.) they cost £40, which makes them pretty much the most expensive trousers i've ever bought, but... it was so easy to get dressed today, because i thought "oh, i can put on the comfy corduroys and then i won't have Waistband Suffering" and i did! and now i'm dressed and feel 50% less like the brainweasels control me!

it's not that the new trousers reduced the number of decisions or steps involved in getting dressed. they just made the end result more desirable, and that in turn lessened the IMPACT of the decisions and steps, and also some of the steps were slightly easier (they're stretchy so they're easier to put on, etc). and once I had the trousers i only needed a t-shirt, and that's easy, I have lots of those, i picked my favourite green one because it's soft and I find that comforting, and i made sure i bought the new trousers in a colour that goes with everything to avoid adding Additional Steps to the decision making

anyway I still hate spending money on clothes but. maybe it's better to spend more occasionally to get clothes i actually want to put on, and reduce the mental and physical challenges of getting dressed the rest of the time

[monsterthalia]

It’s Friday Thalia!!!! How about “A quiet sigh as they turn away” from the sensory prompts, for whoever you think fits best?

I swear this came from this prompt, it just... got a little lost. Iron Bull, Krem and Rowan Lavellan are in the Herald's Rest post-Demands of the Qun. Bull decides to give the two some "privacy".

For @dadrunkwriting Rating: T for language Pairing: Krem/F!Lavellan Words: 1203 One of Bull’s favourite tricks was to pretend to pass out. No-one thought twice about it, even though it should have been obvious to a nug that he was far too large for that quantity of alcohol to knock him out. Everyone saw what they wanted to see, and what they wanted to see was the big stupid Qunari being big and stupid. 

Big being the key word there - no-one would try to drag him outside either. So he’d just get to lie there and listen to conversations continue around him.

He didn’t use it often. Only in emergencies. But this was an emergency.

“Is Bull okay?” he heard Rowan say from the table.

“Oh, he’s fine,” Krem replied, and Bull felt a sharp kick in his ribs, like Krem didn’t know he was doing this for his own good. He’d tried every other way of getting Krem some time alone to talk to the Inquisitor, and if he’d found a way that meant he didn’t have to lie on the filthy floor of the Herald’s Rest, he would have taken it. “Just had one too many. Starting to feel it more in his old age.”

The little shit. Catch Bull doing him any more favours.

“It’s been a busy month, I guess,” Rowan was saying, and fuck, but he wanted to be watching her face whilst they talked so he could read her facial cues, instead of just listening so hard from the floor his ears might damn well pop out. “And it’s our first time to stop and breathe since, well -”

She trailed off. “The Storm Coast,” Krem finished for her.

They both sat in gloomy silence, probably reflecting on depressing things like the failed alliance with the Qunari, or how close the day had come to disaster, or anything else besides the fact that they were both young and alive and attractive and were somehow not already screwing on every available surface in the Inquisitor’s suite. 

… Sure, perhaps if Bull wasn’t fake-unconsciously matchmaking from the Herald’s Rest floor, maybe he too would be struggling, but he was, and the least they could do in return was make it work.

“Why did you choose us?” Krem said suddenly.

Bull felt Rowan go tense. He went tense. What? This wasn’t in the script?

“What?” said Rowan.

“Varric told me. You threw away an alliance with the Qunari.” Krem sounded… confused? Damn, he normally had a better read on his lieutenant, but maybe even Krem wasn’t sure what he was feeling. “Why sacrifice a giant navy and all those Ben-Hassrath reports for a bunch of mercs? Why make an enemy like that just for - for, what, me, Skinner, Dalish-”

Ah, Bull was satisfied, he knew where this went. Earnest assurances that he meant more to her than any navy, followed by blushing, stammered confessions, kiss, kiss, and Krem turning up at his door in the morning asking how he-

“Because it felt like a trap,” Rowan said simply.

What?

“A trap,” Krem echoed.

“It felt weird to me. Gatt was too insistent that there was no other way, that it had be you or the dreadnought. He didn’t even try to think of anything else, or suggest we wait and see what happened, or anything. He was far too ready to ask Bull to make that decision between the you or the Qun.” Rowan fell silent, and Bull was itching to jump to his feet and ask her what the fuck. “It felt like a trap. For me. For Bull. And to get rid of you.” 

As she went on, she slipped into a voice Bull was getting to know well - the voice she used when laying out a strategy, when telling her companions how they were going to win. 

“They must have known he was never going to be fully theirs whilst you were around. So - they make an offer the Inquisitor can’t refuse. Inquisitor orders Bull to let his Chargers die rather than lose the alliance. Bull loses the only people he cares about outside the Qun, at the hands of the only other person he might have loyalty towards - deal with two problems neatly, and get Hissrad back under their control.”

Silence. Krem must be as stunned as he was. “You’ve-” Krem’s voice broke a little, and he coughed to clear it, continued. “You really thought of all that in the moment?”

“Er, not so clearly.” Suddenly Rowan didn’t sound like the cool, competent strategist any more, but the slightly awkward young woman she only remembered to be around Krem. “In the moment, it was more that I had, er, a gut feeling. That it was bad. I… figured out the rest later.”

Krem whistled, impressed. “That’s - well - that’s one loud gut.”

If Bull was allowed to facepalm, being unconscious, he would have done. Hundreds of years of lovers and love poetry, and Krem goes with ‘that’s one loud gut’.

But Rowan laughed. Laughed. “I guess so,” she replied.

“Well,” Krem went on, and Bull heard a drink being poured, “Thanks anyway. And here’s to loud guts, I guess?”

“To loud guts,” Rowan repeated, even as Bull fervently wished Stop talking about loud guts - “Besides,” she said suddenly, “You know Bull wouldn’t have let you die?”

A pause, filled with unspoken things. “Dorian said he looked to you for orders,” Krem replied in a level voice, and Bull felt something - something, in his chest, at the doubt underneath it.

“Of course he did, I was his commanding officer,” Rowan was saying. “He’s been raised as a Ben-Hassrath, I can only imagine it’s a reflex like - like covering your head when something’s flying at it. Something goes wrong on the battlefield, look to your commanding officer. But I didn’t give him the order to save you, Krem.” Her voice had turned gentle and - dare he say? - intimate? - was it too much to imagine she’d reached out to hold Krem’s hand? - “I just gave him the freedom to do what he already wanted to do.”

Silence fell, and Iron Bull was just about ready to jump up and flip the table. Were they holding hands?? Were they gazing into each others’ eyes?? Was he overly invested in this as a distraction from his own emotional distress, of course he was, he could deal with that tomorrow?? 

He could just hear Krem saying, “Thank you, Inq- Rowan,” in his own soft, gentle voice, like they were all alone rather than in a busy pub, and if they did not start kissing in the next five seconds-

“Ah! Inquisitor!” Dorian’s voice rang out loudly, and a chair scraped out from under the table, “Mind if I join you? Has Bull had one too many?”

Rowan and Krem snapped back to normality, and were chatting and joking with Dorian in no time, like nothing had happened. And Bull could only lie there, refusing to ruin his ‘pass out’ trick just for the sheer satisfaction of dragging Dorian out of his seat and punching that moustache off his face.

He fully expected the Ben-Hassrath assassins to arrive within the next few days, daggers poisoned with saar-qamek, but the suffering would be nothing compared to this.

[twst-drabbles]

I can't think of any particular characters who I'd get along with... Probably Deuce since he's pretty sweet from what I remember of the game, and he's much more... Familiar? In the sense that, Kalim or Malleus would likely overwhelm me with the whole "hello am rich and I'll repay small favours with JEWELS.

Jade could also be kind of okay..? I wouldn't mind hearing about mushrooms - maybe I'd be able to pester him into teaching me how to grow them in exchange for something idk - but it would be a shaky thing that I doubt would veer too close to friendship,,, we'd be more like acquaintances? I think?

As for people I wouldn't get along with...

Sebek, because he's loud and people who shout (even in my general vicinity - not even at me) just cause my anxiety to skyrocket. I'm not good at conflict. The best I can do is start sobbing on command to make him uncomfortable enough to fuck off elsewhere

Another note on Kalim (+ Cater for the same reason, albeit less intensely) is that their attitudes would be too much. Floyd too. I'd rather be in a room alone than in a room with someone with the potential to be overly energetic or who would take pictures to put on the internet (not fond of that nope nope nope)

(hope I did this right sorry lmfao)

Ah Kalim, sweet boy. Yeah he spoils the fuck out of small favors, though I'm more willing to accept the jems, though I'd definitely ask for them to be oval or egg shaped just so I can smooth my hands over them. I used to collect river stones a lot cause I love their shapes. Egg shaped river stones are my favorite. That being said, he is hard to get rid of when you show you're not the most comfortable with these rewards, and it ends up with him misunderstanding and thinking it's not enough or the gift wasn't right, rather than the fact the gift is too much period.

If you have nothing to provide beyond just a simple listening ear, he'd be a rambler. Though, mind you, he likes reactions, so slowly his knowledge on mushrooms would start veering into the more dangerous aspect, and would probably bring up the ways it could grow on a human body while still alive. Any reaction you give, be it a scared or an interested one, he wants to see.

Oooof yeah Sebek. Doesn't help he has that resting bitch face so all his yelling makes it seem like he's angry at something. I'm a cocktail of mental illness so I'm able to tolerate his noise level if I'm feeling especially apathetic, but when I'm not I get sensory overload and will just, walk out. Doesn't help that he refers to people as Human rather than their names so that would also keep me from being near him. Doesnt help that he's an oblivious one that doesn't know when to leave things well enough alone so I doubt crying would permanently drive him away. He'd demand to know what's wrong so he can solve it.