#it is so hard to talk about her without spoilers bc of how I can't say her name without spoiling the main twist of the case

[lollipopsie]

FREE MY GIRL SHE DID NOTHING WRONG‼️‼️‼️

[intertexts]

OK HI. HELLO ROS <3 standing in ur doorway like this 🧍 listen i will read worm eventually i just have so much HAPPENING. ALL THE TIME RIGHT NOW. AND DONT HAVE THE TIME. and also jrwi has me in a chokehold u know how it b. ANYWAY. i need u 2 tell me as much about new haven wards as u can without like major insane spoilers for worm. little spoilers r ok. i watch/read everything with a few lil spoilers 2 look forward to anyway <3 i know nothing abt the universe of worm (<<has barely made a sizeable dent in it but god i will i prommy) but i wanna know what exactly nhw is about. how does the universe work. how do the powers work. what is the situation with the nhw how and why are they working together where did they all come from!! gimme the nhw lore!!! as much as u can!!!!! looking at u with the biggest saddest wettest eyes rn pls pls pls infodump abt nhw 2 me!!!!!!!! ros pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

HIII HI HI WHISKEY <333 UR INSANE FOR ASKING THIS. BTW. literally insane. grabbing u so hard by the shoulders there is a crazed look in my eye. anyway. FIRST i am tagging @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone here also!!!!!! bc it is his au as much as mine & i am NOT qualified 2 talk abt nhw mark n such. augh.

ok. ok. ok. new haven wards. putting the cut here.

so the basic movement of worm is that powers are from trauma. ridiculously simplified, but that's the base of it-- if you have superpowers, you have them because you went through traumatic events so severe to you specifically that it broke ur brain a little bit. the powers manifest in some way as a reaction to the traumatic scenario. (it is also more complicated than this. playing the spoiler card.) OR secret second option u put urself into indefinite debt to an extremely shadowy and ominous.... organization? person? shadow government branch? conspiracy? and get superpowers in a can, with like, a 10% chance they'll backfire and mutate u into some fucking terrible inhuman shit and then they'll completely memory wipe you and brand you and dump you off somewhere. not really relevant here. because the main way of getting superpowers is to be violently traumatized, cape society in worm tends to be grittier, more violent. there's more villains, the heroes are less shiny marvel or dc and more making whatever moral compromises they need to get the best outcome possible. at one point one of the main heroes in the city worm takes place in tells the sixteen-year-old protagonist "i don't care, there's a kill order out on them, just put a bullet in her brain if you see her, it's fine" and then a while later goes "yeah i'd vote for a kill order out on you guys too," directly to her face. worm is always going "hey, wouldn't it fucking suck if superheroes were real?". there are many horrifying and inhuman and violent threats. sexual and racial and physical violence aren't swept under the rug. these seventeen year olds are sent to crime scenes where flayed and gutted corpses are suspended from the ceilings because they're heroes! ^_^ but this aint about worm this is about the new haven wards!!!!! [wards are the child soldiers junior hero branch of the main syndicated/unionized hero organization, w/ placement in every major city alongside regional protectorate headquarters]

>key things for this au:

--william wisp changed his last name to bell when he moved to new haven (where his brother david lives :) and joined the wards, for another layer of anonymity ^_^ (he is. severely paranoid about his identity & privacy. <- also a Big and Heavy thing in worm/parahumans world. it's a Big Fucking Deal to unmask a cape regardless of their alignment)

-dakota never got the mechanical heart & biomedical augumentation so didn't meet mato cole at that time! he's still dakota damascus :]

-virion... idk why he's still virion & not vyncent actually. probably just because that was the name his parents gave him? we can't change it now though nhw virion & canon vyncent r two different guys to me...

-ashe is the unluckiest fucking guy in the world!!!

their powers are a little different from canon both bc of the ways powers work just being different frm how they do in pd & also because of the "they're always a reflection of the worst moment of ur life that you're just dragging around with you reminding you of it" thing. <333

wibby / whisperer is a breaker/shaker (<- power classifications meaning he has another form he shifts into, and also an area of effect] in his breaker form (crackling white-blue energy) he 1) can control how corporeal he is, or *how* corporeal he is, from "walks into the brick wall" to "doesnt notice there's a brick wall and goes straight through it", to "goes incorporeal to stick his hand in a guy's chest then resolidifies to instakill him" w/ some tradeoffs. & 2) shape/control energy manifestations in a fairly wide radius around him, where the power of the shaped energy is in proportion to the amount of recent death in the area-- if there's a ton of casualties in the area, he can do a lot more than he could in a peaceful small town in the middle of nowhere. the situation with his trigger event was him. growing up socially isolated and half convinced he was going crazy and everyone else Also thought he was fucking insane (deadwood is still haunted!! more haunted :]) for years & years + the loneliness + frustration + unsureness if he's actually the one just. losing it or if it's all really real + the constant feeling of being in danger, that the town is bad and malicious and out to Get you. anyway. he fell, take that as ambiguously as u do for that in canon, didn't die, but was severely injured & couldn't move. just laid there for maybe a day or so in the woods that wanted to kill him. anyway he triggered when he was found! the catalyst was not "the place that's been out to get me my entire life finally succeeded" but the helpless incandescent frustration of "actually nothing i ever do is going to make you understand. i've been trying for so fucking long to make you See It but you won't!!! you never will and you just think i'm crazy or stupid or making it up for attention even though it has such obvious fucking consequences and is manifestly Real!!" he was recruited to the wards by miss g herself, who was like hahahhahaa this kid could be a Really Fucking Big Problem if he doesn't have an eye on him!! ^_^ he never wanted to be a hero, and still doesn't, really, but he's terrified of accidentally hurting people & deadwood is like a weight around his neck and maybe things will be better if he just gets out of here. for a while they're not, of course. he just feels like. y'know. he's another sick thing that crawled out of deadwood, and his powers make that obvious. the way they interact with recently dead shit makes him sick!! living with david is awful-- a big, lovely, lonely high rise apartment, an older brother who barely bothers to speak to him, calls to their mom through the walls going "why is he here? why would you send him here? can he like, go anywhere else?"

virion sol / imprint is a trump (meaning his powers interact With other capes powers.) he can copy powers by touching other parahumans-- the copied power is just as strong as the original, whatever the original is, but he doesn't have an innate sense of how to use it; he can easily be overwhelmed or overstimulated by powers that involve a ton of sensory input, or accidentally loose cannon something he wasn't expecting and can't easily control. regardless, this is a fucking insane power to have. it's so cracked. like within the parahumans-- world, this is something so rare, especially being able to copy the full strength of the power. the very few examples in canon of something similar, the copied power is always inferior. his situation was similar to canon-- the greats were a team of independent heroes, & were like, extended family to virion. he grew up unpowered, but in the cape world-- so many aunts and uncles teaching him security, standard protocols, how to fight capes, how to run cape business and independent team business, how to handle guns and tasers and safely run background checks. y'know. a family's worth of professional knowledge. he never really wanted to be a cape, anyway, he was more than happy to do all the unpowered stuff at home that needed to be done. occasionally he came with them on patrol n stuff or snuck out to watch them. the greats' long term goal was prying out the lich, an extremely heavyweight warlord who had control over most of the city. virion's father struck a deal with the lich-- virion knows as little what the deal was For as he does in canon, but he double crossed the entire team. virion snuck along to the confrontation with the lich (setup) & watched his father turn & murder all of them. still not sure if he did it all himself or just watched as the lich's minions did it, but the way they knew all their weaknesses, how efficient and brutal and unexpected it was-- it was his dad feeding the information. virion stays frozen in shock and horror & hidden during all of this. can't do anything to help. is fucking useless, despite all he knows and has done. for the first time in his life, he wished he had powers, that ram and min and everyone could have taught him how to have and use their powers like they taught him everything else. he triggered watching it all happen. after this, he went on the run, terrified that someone would Know that he saw, that they'd be coming for the loose ends, that his dad would come back for him. all he has of his family is a couple piecemeal things he could grab before he ran-- ram's favorite revolvers, a holy medal of alphonz's, some of his mom's sturdy jewelry. anyway, he ran, moved to a different city, new haven. started figuring out his powers, started targeting specifically other capes who were up to bad shit-- minor to mid league villains, the occasional local hero who would Look squeaky clean, but after their sudden death dirty secrets would come out, etc. all very low-key, very subtle. none of the disappearances or deaths looked related. during this period he is SO fucked up. he is so fucked in the head. he's incredibly hypervigilant and paranoid and jumpy (good at looking unbothered and still clocking every single sound and movement and always facing doors and windows), mired in the grief and guilt and horror at. watching his entire family slaughtered and life shattered in a night. sleeps for no more than two hours or so at a time. even on top of the lich and his dad... what he's been doing puts an even bigger target on his back. doesn't have time or heart for anything but the dirty work. is dissociating through the periods of time where he's not actively hunting someone down or on the job. silhouette is the one who puts the pieces together-- of course he's on the protectorate (hero organization) radar. sure he's only been targeting bad guys, but how clean each one was? how well covered they all are? how whoever this is has allegedly killed at least almost two hands' worth of capes in cold blood by now? sets off alarms, if you're looking!!

anyway, silhouette tracks him down, says hey, i know who you are, i know what happened. you're just a kid. you join us, and you'll gain the resources and skill to be able to get revenge. aren't you tired of running? now... virion took to this fast and well when he did, but. before it all, he was just a teenager. despite the family business, he was just some guy! he helped his mom cook and got help with schoolwork at the kitchen table and his cool aunts took him out for lunch. he never wanted this or expected it. and of course he doesn't trust the heroes farther than he can spit, but... it's something. it's better than this. anything has to be better than the way he's driving himself into the ground. & also, of course. if silhouette can find him. anyone else who's looking for him can too. (i don't think he's even registered on the radar of anyone. his dad didn't actually survive the lich, obviously, & he was the only other one who really knew abt virion + nobody knew he triggered. he's just. so fucking paranoid.)

dakota damascus / failsafe is a thinker/mover. he 1) has a precognitive sense of any pain that anyone in a radius around him will feel in the next short amount of time. this is-- varyingly difficult to block. he can't just Choose not to feel it, although the intensity of the feeling, again, varies. mostly proportionally to how severe the pain actually is, or how many people are hurt, but, with time, he can dull or sharpen it + follow the threads of it to discern Who exactly is in pain, rather than just an ambient sensation. 2) is VERY fast & has matching enhanced cognitive speed. these two abilities work SO good together, both in combat situations & also just day to day patrolling. man. i love dakota. anyway, he triggered young-- he was out with his parents (maybe 7/8) and they got caught in an attack by siberian-- a genuinely indestructible, incredibly powerful villain who can just,,, run her hand through a concrete foundation like it's butter & collapse buildings, or scoop out peoples insides in a heartbeat. and also likes to eat people, like, raw and bloody after dismembering them. whatever level of ultraviolent shocking horror u are imagining. double it. anyway. they got caught in the scene of this attack, dakota got separated from his parents in the panic and stampede and rush to get out-- he's seven! it's terrifying levels of panic and claustrophobia and people shoving and trampling and he's not gonna leave without his parents!! of course not!! he triggers from the fear and the disorientation and the panic & he can't find them & he's trying to fight the crowd but he barely comes up past their knees & there's awful sounds of fighting & he's close enough to see her... things are doubly disorienting with the echo of the agony from everyone who gets Fucking Siberianed. he sees most of the fight. um. a while after she's driven away and it's finally finished he finds what's left of his parents. there's a beat in worm, during an encounter with siberian and the Big Heroes, the prime force equivalent, where they just.. give her a victim to chew on because it makes her happier and less of a nightmare to fight. which is something i think about frequently. anyway, after this things are kind of loose, similar to canon. he does the same shit. it's also quieter and you can feel less people hurting the higher up u are. yk? OH GOD. YEAH. at some point after this we still have not hammered it out. he confronts the slaughterhouse 9 (the supervillain group that attacked/siberian is part of) about it & gets his face slit open (half chelsea smile style) & makes a deal to either kill a guy in [n years] or that guy will kill him & several hundred other people!!!!!!!!!!!! dakota damascus killing a man baked into the bones of nhw!!!

anyway he & cat still fell. he underwent a second trigger event when this happened, actually-- the panic and desperation of that situation + the way it echoed his first trigger, etc. this is also super fucking rare, btw. there are very few second triggers & it is almost Never good. (u cannot trigger more than twice + a second trigger is always a refining or an improving of the intent of the original trigger) so that's where the speed etc. came from. tide found him, gave him. a better support system (low bar!!) + a real purpose in joining the wards. i have a lot of feelings abt this.

ashe / auxiliary / muse is also a shaker/breaker!!!!! his backstory i cannot talk too much about because it is Big Spoilers. but he is a fucking powerful telekinetic (around when he joins the wards, having not really used his power in years, he has an upper weight limit of a couple times his body weight & a fairly large radius of effect). he also has a breaker form that only triggers in certain situations & if he really really pushes himself to breaking w/ his powers-- when he enters it, he loses lucidity, for the most part, & starts warping and stretching and breaking space-time in strange, dreamlike ways-- the pavement melts, or everything gets bouncy, or cars and concrete chunks and things with no business moving float slowly around like balloons, or he pulls and crumples reality to move without really moving.... it gets Real fucking bad, real fast. ANYWAY. he eventually sneaks out one night, walks to a gas station to get. snacks. it-- okay, i'm fucking linking mac's post, i CANNOT summarize all of this concisely. go read that. so. that's ashe's deal!!!!!!!!!

THERE'S ALSO. MARK. ASK MAC ABOUT MARK i have typed this entire thing out on myfucking phone keyboard i literally Cannot keep going. help. and also their mark stuff is so fucking good its so. auuuhhgh. AND ALSO DAVID BELL. WHO WORKS FOR THE ORGANIZATION THAT SELLS U SUPERPOWERS IN A CAN W A CHANCE OF GETTING TURNED INTO AN UNRECOGNIZABLE MONSTER AND DOES HUMAN ABDUCTION AND EXPERIMENTATION. AND JADE AND X AND ALLEN ARE THE FREEDOM CITY WARDS AND GRAYSCALE SHAKES OUT EVEN FUCKING WORSE THAN IT DID IN CANON. YEAH.

SO. YEAHG. THATS. THATS THE MOST OF IT. um. yeah. theyre a dreadful little polycule they are. So fucking clingy they r traumabonded. like little trembling chihuahua puppies. separation anxiety and all. virion and dakota share a comfy old victorian house in a suburban neighborhood maybe a fifteen minute walk from the protectorate hq. wibby starts out living w/ david and eventually just... all his stuff moves over to their place. their clothes r all mixed up they know each others blood types they're all sleeping together on the couch. eventually their house gets blown up. they all get various flavors of nightmare & are 1 million shades of debilitatingly mentally ill but like-- it works. they r good for each other. theyre good together. do not separate them. etc. i'm not even gonna fucking START talking abt their dynamics other than that but like. i mean. if you want a repeat of THIS u can always ask!!!!!!!

[lovelylichabee]

Good morning I have some headcanons for yall about the archives crew (mostly Martin bc I love him) in no particular order. Be warned there are some spoilers for throughout the series.

- Martin has ADHD so things like audio processing and object permanence are a challenge, and Jon being unaware of this is one of the reasons he thinks Martin is incompetent in the beginning. Because what else do you think of someone who takes twice as long to type out transcripts than his peers, or who can't focus on the follow up research assigned to him sometimes, yet other times focuses so much on it he forgets to take his lunch? Plus the man "loses" files on his desk (because to Martin he just sees a stack of uniform files and getting used to Gertrude's weird looking date-based labels as an organization system compared to the Dewey Decimal System they had in the library is damn difficult!) Upon learning he has ADHD though Jon finds that with some accommodations, Martin is actually decent at doing what he needs to for his job and feels a bit guilty for being such an ass.

- Tim was the first friend Jon made upon being hired into research which to Jon is weird because he's always had a hard time making friends (partially because he's autistic and partially because he hasn't had the routine environment to try to make friends since college). Tim is also a pretty opposite personality to him, so to Jon it felt sort of like when you meet a dog and the dog likes you *way* before you like the dog, but then he grows on you so you kinda sigh and go "Yeah yeah, we're friends"

- Sasha and Tim's hookup never grew to anything more because Sasha didn't know how to tell Tim she was aromantic without possibly hurting his feelings (meanwhile if she had just told him, he would've been fine with it and happy to be in whatever kind of relationship with her, qpp or otherwise). She never gets to tell him, so that's another reason why Tim never caught the differences between Sasha and Not!Sasha when Not!Sasha suddenly had a boyfriend (besides you know the reason that Stranger Rules that says only one person usually notices the difference).

- Jon doesn't like coffee black coffee but drinks it anyways mostly because he has always been told "if you add sugar and/or creamer to your coffee then you don't like coffee you like sugar and creamer" so to keep appearances and insisting he does like coffee, he never adds anything unless he's sure no one will see. Really, he likes black coffee with a bit of sugar because the sweetness gives the flavors something to travel on so he can appreciate them more because otherwise they're overpowered by bitterness. He doesn't like tea because drinking it feels like he's just rubbed tea leaves all over the inside of his mouth and it leaves behind a dry feeling that he hates.

- Martin's pure lonely domain wouldve been a rainy, foggy moorsland kind of environment where its very pretty but you feel like you're walking over the same hills and you feel like you see houses in the distance but you never get any closer to the chimney smoke you see peeking above the fog. You're also always damp and the air feels heavy, and you don't have an umbrella. But for just those moments when youre standing on tops of the hills, looking out to the rest of the environment though, you wonder why you'd ever want to leave somewhere so pretty, even if it is rather lonely, and far too quiet. It's a reminiscent kind of quiet, where you reflect on why you're walking alone here in the first place and not inside one of those houses in the distance with the chimney smoke... and then you keep walking because maybe if you make it there, they'll be kind and let you inside, and you can shake off all of this chilly dampness by their fireplace and company.

- Danny is Tim's best kept secret after he dies. Tim stops talking about his family after that, gets really quiet when the topic is brought up in conversation, but he's still careful not to look upset even if his shoulders tense a bit when he smiles and says something along the lines of "Nah, I don't have much family anymore" when he's asked. Their parents passed away some time after Danny was gone (by natural causes), and Tim never forgave himself for not being able to get back at whatever killed him before they passed, so he doesn't feel it's right to be allowed to talk about them until he does, like some kind of mission he has to finish before he can let himself grieve properly.

- Peter and Elias either are or were married, but with the way they act its very hard to tell if they are actually divorced or just on the brink of it because of how they interact with one another, leading to the rumor that they keep divorcing and getting remarried frequently spreading around the office. Elias knows it frustrates Peter to have attention on them like that so he doesn't stop the rumors, and sometimes actively encourages them when they're in another one of their "divorced" periods. Peter doesn't actually ever fully leave though because he considers the relationship more transactional and useful, than anything nearing "love". They have their soft moments together though, brief little moments of understanding, very privately, and never discussed again after they happen. Elias misses him after he dies, even if Peter was trying to get him killed.

- Tim could've gone Desolation if the idea of serving an entity didn't disgust him. Choosing to serve an entity is a choice that you have to make, and Tim could see in Jon what doing that does to a person, and what people serving the Stranger did to his brother (even if he didnt know exactly what it was). Even if Jon didn't really start accepting being The Archivist until after his coma, Tim was alive before then and knew that it had changed him. Plus experiencing some of the other entities (being attacked by "worms", being in the tunnels, being in Michael's hallways, dealing with Jon's paranoia and stalking, being in the unknowing and seeing what happened to Danny), he has seen what kinds of effects these entities have on people. The Desolation likely did call out to him in that moment of the explosion, and he spat in its face because he'd literally rather die than ever give himself to something like that.

- Personally, I like big but short Martin who is a bit stronger than he looks because of hefting around file boxes in the archives. I imagine "the stacks" being a bunch of shelves sort of like a library but instead of books, there are boxes that fit in, with the files inside of them, but they're left a bit open and uncovered because air flow and climate controlled environment. I don't know if that's how it works bit that's how I imagine it. And then there's a lot of file boxes sort of stacked on top of one another on the ground and stacks of files also on the ground because that archive is an unrealistic mess and sort of ridiculous. But yeah. Big but short Martin who has some hidden muscle.

- Honestly if I imagine them all standing next to each other, Tim is the tallest, Sasha is only an inch or 2 inches shorter, Jon is a bit shorter than Sasha, like up to her shoulder, and Martin is the shortest and needs help getting things off the top shelves from the other three because he wobbles too much on the step ladder and it makes him nervous (another reason Jon likely finds him a bit irritating in the beginning).

- Jon's hair starts off short and very proper but grows out a bit in season 2 because he's too busy being paranoid to take care of himself. He gets a haircut when staying with Georgie in S3, and then his hair grows out a bit again while he's kidnapped, and he doesn't cut it again before The Unknowning. It grows to his shoulders during his coma. He doesn't take that good of care of it leaves it long until the Buried, where he has to cut it all off. He doesn't cut it again and he takes à bit better care of it after being rejected by Martin. It grows abnormally quickly leading to it being past his shoulders and with some natural curl by the time he and Martin do actually run away to the safe house. He wears it up most of the time during S5.

- Martin's hair is loosely curly and a ginger orange or strawberry blonde but fades to white as he gets pulled further into the Lonely by Peter Lukas. When hes working in the office under Peter and Jon asks him to run away together, its very washed out but not fully white, and when Jon rescues him from Peter's Lonely, it is pure white, and slowly fades back to its natural color once they are together and they get to the safe house, though a patch of it remains pure white up in the front of his hair, as if he had Poliosis. In his s5 domain when he's talking to himself, Lonely!Martin continues to have fully white hair.

- I have more but this is already pretty long so I'll stop here and if people care about this I'll answer asks or do another one.

[bella-rose29]

episode 5 commentary - Death Is Coming

the usual warnings of swearing and lack of context, as well as a lot of comments on hands and arms and obviously spoilers for both the series and the books

girl has stare down with a skull in a jar

omg it's been so long since I watched and I forgot how pretty lockwood is

OMG HE ASKS IF SHE WANTS JUICE

WHAT IF THE JUICE IS ORANGE AND HAS BITS IN

lolllll George is shipping already and the episode only just started

Georgie needs more sleep

lockwood takes the Mum Stance

I always think that the DEPRAC van is a lego van bc it's yellow

ohhh you can really see how big the coat is on lockwood :(((

ooo nice detail with the lavender pin that he has

'wILL yOu cAN iT pAm'

hands

ugh Lockwood's so pretty

Georgie noo

'bobby Vernon will have been at it since dawn'

'alarming how quickly you got into character' (code for: I am completely in love with you')

careful Georgie that's a lot of blood

ew dead body

'I know him' YOU CAN SEE HOW UPSET HE IS BUT HE'S GONNA HIDE IT BC HE FEELS THE NEED TO BE STRONG ALL THE TIME

I JUST WANNA GIVE HIM A HUG

CAMERON CHAPMAN THE MAN YOU ARE HOW DO YOU DO THE MICRO EXPRESSIONS SO WELL

ohhh lockwood is trying so hard to not be upset and it breaks my heart :((( poor boy

✨swagger✨

I want an epic breakfast

'I hardly knew him' BOY DON'T-

wow she's a bitch let my boy do research

get away from Georgie you bitch

eeeeeee

'when am I not nice' Luce I hate to break it to you

Lucy that is very clearly a ghost and not a real baby

silly goose behaviour

'I did' QUEEN

'who's the latest slapper?' ICONIC

'oh wow, a female serial killer? aspirational, why don't you stick it on a t-shirt'

I love lockwood bc he makes sure the remains go to a good home AND Flo gets her money

ohhhh I just had a Thought! what if one of the reasons they made Joplin a woman was to draw parallels between her and Mary dulac??? one of the headlines on the papers is 'mystery madwoman: Bickerstaff connection?' so maybe they wanted to repeat the past but this time make the crazy one go too far and die? idk if that even makes sense but oh well

Georgie noooo

no leave him alone

let him go clean the oven and I'll be there to make him a tea

WIFE BEHAVIOUR

he can't even slice toast without being Extra

JONATHAN BESTIEEEEE

'a suicide note' Lucy honey have you noticed that your bf has a tendency for suicidal things

I really wish the bisto was in the background bc that would be hilarious

'I thought you'd be dead by now' NO LETS TAKE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THIS

BECAUSE HE GOES FROM QUIRKING A LIL SMILE, TO LOOKING DOWN AND THE SMILE DISAPPEARING, TO INHALING AND SMILING EVEN WIDER BECAUSE HE KNOWS LUCY IS WATCHING HIM

give that boy some therapy for free

aw two nerds talking about mythology (I wish I was the other one)

also can we talk about the STAGING OF THIS SCENE??? BECAUSE JOPLIN HAS A MIRROR OVER HER LEFT SHOULDER AND GEORGE HAS ONE OVER HIS RIGHT

also George has the city lights behind him and Joplin just has the beige walls and I love that for some reason, maybe to show that George's life is bright and he's got life left in him whereas Joplin can only gain brightness from George bc she needs him for the mirror? idk if I'm explaining that right but oh well! also Joplin's mirror reflects the light behind George which is funky

just you wait for my next analysis of the show which is almost certainly gonna be on the use of mirrors lol

THE STAGING AGAIN

FILMING THEM IN THE MIRRORS

I LOVE THIS GHOST SHOW

'how did you meet Flo?' 'can't remember. ages ago' LOL HE'S HIDING THE FACT HE GOT HIS ASS BEATEN

ohhh the green lighting

'I'm not worried. are you?' well not when you say it like that

while I do love this show I am very sad we didn't see more of lockwood using disguises

of course he knows how to pick locks

I don't like it either Lucy dw

I love how jarringly innocent the stuffed bear is compared to the fact that they're in the warehouse of a family with a significantly traumatised boy

lockwood and kids <3

sack of potatoes

I cannot stop thinking about the fact that she must be dragging the Actual Cameron Chapman out by his feet

Georgie noooooo

idk why he's looking around bc he doesn't have his glasses on so he can't see shit

I shouldn't feel the way I do about lockwood regaining consciousness but the expressions- I just- hmm

'I'm a burglar, you should call the police' honey not one of your better lies

no bc why when I first watched this did I think that winkman was the same actor as Pekka Rollins

winkman: 'shall I draw some pretty pictures on your pretty little face'

lockwood: 'omg you think I'm pretty?? 🤭🥰'

ohhh I'm getting inspiration for a fic I started planning 👀

I can't imagine having to pretend you're being electrocuted like how do you know how to act that

I feel like something can be said about Leopold wearing red and mrs winkman (I forgot her first name WAIT ADELAIDE) also wearing red but idk what

omg hedgehogwood

winkman is actually so funny *points at lockwood* *puts hand over heart* 'ohhh' he's literally us

aw lockwood pls don't say that she's got more to live for than you :(((

omg Lucy tells Leopold to get out the way <333 she'll regret that :D

this couple loves setting fires

Georgie seriously how are you without your glasses rn

green light green light green light

funny looking bird you got there george

'total psychos' dude-

'I prefer to call it a noble sacrifice' NO I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY ABOUT IT

greeeeeeen lightssssss

'what is going on with you' Cameron Chapman Acts his Fucking Face Off

omg lockwood saw the knife and then looked out the door to see what was there

that's such an awful angle to be lying down

omg poor lockwood

the way he's sat in that final frame breaks my heart bc he's literally just had someone else die in his home :(((

wow what a depressing note to end on

[misc-obeyme]

Hey!

I've seen a few another asks about MC and honestly, it's so interesting to see others characters. I guess that's one of the reasons why I love Obey, you can create OC, who's can be anyone, well maybe except a God?? I just don't know how that would be work lol

I have two angels, Gabriel and Agrael. Gabriel, Lucy and Michael I hc as triplet. Agrael his younger sister, who was the one who killed Lilith, and well, Gabe do everything he can to keep it as secret. He's loves Lucifer and Michael with Agrael more than others brothers, and was against the war, but at the end decided to let Lucy go, bc he doesn't have a choice, but trying to be neutral as much as he can. Agrael was just obedient soldier and wasn't bothered by brothers rebellion and just fight. Asmo fell in love with her, but she's didn't love him and attacked without resist, which hurt him a lot lol

Her only friend was Mammon, but it's didn't stop her from fight. But also she's didn't saw brothers as enemy. Has a human lover, but nobody knows who is it. She's usually disappears in human world, and Gabe cover for her, bc he's soft for his sister too much lol

Also there's two sorcerers. Crowley, who's father of my MC, famous merchant of the three worlds, who can find anything you want, except knowledge that he has a daughter lol

He's funny guy and tried very hard to reconnect with his daughter, but Anders prefer to punch him and not talking. He's not old as Sol, but still old and keep himself from aging with magic artefacts. He's probably slept with Asmo and I always laughed when thinking about it

And Alastair, who's wanted to be Solomon's apprentice, but well, Anders was the chosen one. He's taking that as insult, bc he's more knowledgeable and powerful, and now hate Anders and wished to kill her, and tried a few times lol

Do you have another characters? I would like to read about them too!

Hello again!

Yes, I really love to hear about everybody's MCs and OCs!! They're so interesting, it's so fun to see what people have come up with! Especially since I feel like there is so much space for such things in Obey Me. They really left a lot of stuff unexplained and there are three whole worlds that we can fill in with our own characters!

Okay, I kinda feel like the only way you could have a character who was a god would be if it was like somehow a rival to the "Father" character from the Celestial Realm. I kinda think it'd be interesting if the Greek gods existed, for instance. Since we have Cerberus, it kinda stands to reason that we'd also have Hades and Zeus and the rest. But you know, maybe they're retired? LOL.

Anyway...

Now that is an interesting concept! I never once thought about who killed Lilith. What a burden to bear! I love Agrael already she sounds amazing! I love that she's now the one with a human lover, even after the war and everything that happened with Lilith! Man love can make you do crazy things! And Gabriel is just trying to be a good big brother!

Crowley and Alastair omg I love them. Crowley sounds great, but I do feel bad for Anders lol. Let her punch him! It would probably be very therapeutic! Alastair is crazy if he thinks Solomon would ever let anyone kill his apprentice, but I'm impressed that he still tried. I get the impression that Anders would be difficult to kill, but he's still gonna try it seems!

Ah well I do have my demon OC Arsenios. And I have some other OCs that show up in his story, but I can't talk about them too much without giving away spoilers for his story. There are a couple of angels and a reaper.

I have a couple more human characters that are related to Ciaran and their story. There's their older sister Fiadh who I am quite fond of. She gets help from both a witch and a sorcerer when Ciaran goes missing and they help her get to the Devildom to find Ciaran.

I do have another demon OC, but I've never talked about her... Her name is Liviana and she's the librarian at RAD. She knows Arrie, but I just created her because I wanted to lol. I really love libraries and I was thinking about demon professors/RAD staff members and I just sorta daydreamed her into existence.

I do have one other reaper OC but she doesn't have a name yet. And she's too involved with one of the other characters from Arrie's story for me to talk about her too much...

OOPS now I have revealed my secret which is that I have a whole STASH of OCs that I never talk about lol.

Anyway, I love hearing about all your characters! Thank you for sharing them with me! 💕

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

Almost there…yes I closed the game so I could get the 69 hours played screenshot…almost got it! 😅

I'm such a stupid 13yo at heart

(x)

did i mention i love him

(x)

Oof besties I think it's Moonrise time

Moonrise time over because ya girl is going to work tomorrow and it's getting late 🥲 but I so didn't want to quit the game today ugh

(x)

Need to incorporate "let's not do anything hilarious" into my vocabulary because it's the biggest realest mood

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no way he approved lmao

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oh... OH

(x)

forevermore? as in you and me forevermore? don't read the last page but i stay when it's hard or it's wrong or we're making mistakes omg a taylor swift reference!! 🤭🤭

(x)

Zeph is looking so good in their new armor 😩

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Oh I'm gonna be reloading this fight a million times huh

(x)

THIS WAS SO INTENSE WTF

Dude never thought I'd say this but Shadowheart carried this battle. I'm going to bed in game and irl because two intense battles back to back are too much for my anxiety 😭

This game is gonna wreck me isn't it

(x)

So in the battle I had yesterday, Jaheira was killed, but I thought, well, it would be a shame to leave her stuff behind and she doesn't need it anymore, might as well take it…now I loaded the game again and notice she's there in just her underwear 😭 I'm sorry 😭😭

Yes I loot everyone and everything shamelessly, I learned from the best 🤭

(x)

hole hehe

hole not hehe this is disgusting jfc

(x)

"I could fix him" "I could make him worse" well I personally hope that *he* will make *me* worse

(x)

We're not gonna talk about this party kill Nailed it! Took me three tries though 😂

(x)

THIS GODDAMN PUZZLE I SWEAR TO GOD

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Big brain time

The f u c k?

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well i may have a few ideas how to use this one 🫢

(x)

Well. I think I'll be starting act 3 tomorrow? 😬

(I'm excited but also nervous. Oh man this is exactly why I've never played this kind of games before 😂)

(x)

I think I fucked up…I was going to do the crèche and the mountain pass stuff later but I can't anymore, I completely skipped it 😭 without too many spoilers, are there going to be bad consequences maybe?

I could pull up an older save but I've done so many other things already…I'm not sure if I want to replay them at the moment 🥲 Think I might just have to leave it for my second playthrough but it sucks that I completely skipped such a big part

And I know at some point it told me some things wouldn't be available if I continue but I didn't think it would be this 😭 I need clearer instructions y'all, I'm a dummy

This is ridiculous but I'm about to cry bc I missed such a huge part, I think I might go back to an older save and just redo everything idk 🥲 idk what to do 😭 overthinking this too much

(x)

"magnificent bastard" is a wonderful gender tbh

(x)

dude i'm not some fucking pokémon 💀

(x)

oh god i love him 💀 is he wrong though?

(x)

she's serving too much cnt to handle i'm afraid

(x)

A fellow clown hater! 🤩

(x)

ohhh i was looking forward to this line 😂

omg Zeph really went "so aren't you worried about that old master of yours? yeah? anyway wanna smash tonight?"

KJLFGKSJFGKLJL BRO??????? the fuck did i do to you

hello ?????????? ????? ??????? ???????? ??????? no genuinely i don't know what i did/did not do 💀 idgaf I'm handing his ass to Cazador

me and Zeph both rn

(x)

delivery not guaranteed? that's so Česká pošta coded

(x)

bears in the closet you say? what was halsin doing in your closet? 🫢

(x)

not me actually accidentally making Zeph jump off of a very tall something

and right after the second short rest and the idiot took so much damage 💀

(x)

Oh we're playing Among Us now, how fun!

(x)

I fear this will be another full night of playing...not a good idea considering we're going on a family trip tomorrow but eh whatever

(x)

We did it again besties, let's hope I'll get my sleep schedule back on track before I return to work 😂

But it was definitely worth it, I had so much fun playing today. Aside from essentially being dumped but I'm gonna clown and hope all will be well (no spoilers pls)…I promise I will be normal and not actually irl cry about it 🫢😂

Gotta love that rejection hypersensitivity that kicks in no matter what 🤩 real person, fictional, who cares, it hurts 🤩 (no really I'm okay, I'm exaggerating, you know me)

(x)

Next time I go "hehehe I won't sleep tonight, it's gaming time", stop me please. I'm not built for this

And daylight savings are kicking in today? fk me rip my sleep schedule

(x)

hehe god i wish

(x)

oop

(x)

I'm getting overwhelmed with all the quests jfc 😭 can we just skip to the part where I romance the vampire again

I also (and this is me overthinking again) can't help but feel like I'm playing the game wrong and that I'm ruining everything as I go and we will not reach a nice ending 💀

(x)

WHY IS HE NOT WEARING MUCH KDAFJLAJKDFLKJ WHAT'S GOING ON I HATE THIS

What the actual f u c k was that

(x)

[galaxy-stardust]

Soooo,

as I said this is my first fanfic. Inspired by Jake from Duskwood. A fictonal charakter I kinda fell in love with. Weird I know 😋

I re-read it a hundret times. Added parts, erased parts... I could do this a hundret times more... 🙈😅

So here it is. I hope you'll like it.

As I said I wanted to write a nice harmless story but with the thought of Jake it became a NSFW story.

It stills feels weird to read it bc Jake was always so shy in our conversations. But hey... in one way he's just a man... 😉

I really hope you'll enjoy it.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Spoiler alert to episode 10. First words are from the last episode.

And know enjoy my version from meeting Jake for the first time

NSFW. SMUT CONTENT

‐‐---‐--‐--------------‐---------

Meeting Jake 🤤

"I cannot go without telling you..."

"Without telling me what?"

"Something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time."

"What do you want to tell me?"

"MC

I love you."

"I love you too Jake"

Jake's last words. It feels like an eternity since he wrote them.

The call from Richy, his confession, well... what the hell?! It was... literally... unexpected. But no matter how hard that hit me, my thoughts and feelings are by Jake. All the time. Where is he? I hope he's doing ok. Damn, I'm really worried.

I'm texting with Jessy. She still can't believe what happened. I try to calm her a bit, tell her that she should try to find some sleep.

Since Riches call, hour by hour passed by. I don't know when the last time was that I slept.

I watched out my window. Clear night, full moon, lots of sparkling Stars. Listening to my fav song. Landing in London - 3 Doors down. Still not a word from Jake.

Suddenly I hear a noise from the door. Just a cat I think and pay no longer attention to it.

Then again! What the hell is that? Someone's knocking at the door?!

I get myself up from the place at the window. It's a bit cold tonight, but I'm just wearing a shirt and a panty, as always at night.

I sneak to the door.

Knock knock again.

I take a look through the door viewer, but I just can make out vague outlines in the dark. Illuminated by the moonlight. Is that person wearing a hoodie? Could that be? My heart stopped beating. I dare not to breath.

I slowly open the door.

A man, taller than me, lowers his head, his face covered by the darkness and his hoodie. A bag pack on one shoulder. I'm still not able to breath. He slowly begins to raise is head. I look in the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. Tired eyes. "Hello MC" he whispers. "Jake?!" I gasp "How is that possible?!..."

He falls on his knees, exhausted.

I kneel down to him. Put his face in my hands, raise his head. Damn, he is so attractive. In my imagination, he looks exactly the same. Those eyes! His hair a bit messy because of his journey. He smiles. It's a tired but relieved smile. His little wrinkles around his mouth let my heart melt. "Jake..." I've been waiting for this moment so long. I still can't believe that he's with me now.

"We have to get inside" I whisper. I help him up. Leading him to my bedroom. He sinks on my bed. Lays down. Looks at me. "Finally MC" he whispers. "Finally, I'm with you." A smile rushes to his perfect face and then he falls asleep.

His voice warms my heart. It's the first time that I hear his voice and I know I could listen to him all day, doesn't matter what he would talk about.

I don't know what to do with my feelings. I am relieved that he's safe now, even for a few hours. But where has he been? What happened? How could he get out of that bunker, unseen? I have so many questions. But in first line, I'm absolutely happy that he's with me,that he feels safe and that he is able to sleep after all what happened.

I take a seat next to him. Looking at him. He's cuddled up in his hoodie, which is the only thing I have seen from him the last weeks 'till I opened the door a few minutes before.

I take a deep breath. God, his smell is so good. And so familiar as well. It seems like I knew him for a lifetime.

I shake my head, noticing that I was literally staring at him for a while.

I get myself up. Walking in the kitchen to get some water.

What has happened? What happened to him after he said he loves me and then disappeared for hours? I can't get these questions out of my head.

I get back to my bedroom. Sit back on the window and lose myself in that perfect night sky again. I can hear Jake breathing. Calm and regularly. My heart makes a jump. There he is. Like he was always there. With me. Safe and without any worries.

I jawn. Remembering that I didn't sleep for quite a long time too.

I get up from the window. Sneak to the bed. Slip into it. Jake moves slowly. Noticing my presence. I'm not sure when the last time was that he slept without being hunted. Always a light sleep, always at risk... I lay down. Snuggle up to him. Look at his back in this cute hoodie. Feeling his warmth. I move as close to him as possible. Is it okay to do that? I mean, we just know each other from texting... but, yes! It feels right. I can feel his heart beating. I wrap my arm around his waist and snuggle into him.

I still can't believe that he is here. With me.

I take a last deep breath before I close my eyes. Happy and exhausted.

Just at that moment I feel his hand grabbing mine which is still around his waist. He plays with my fingers. He slowly turns around. Now we're lying face to face at each other. We look in each other's eyes. I'm drowning in his beautiful eyes. We are both breathing slowly. Jake wipes a strand of hair from my face. Gently touching my cheek, my lips. He shyly rises his head and bends over me for a kiss..

Have I ever felt that when a man was kissing me? No way. I don't know what to think about first. Don't know what to feel. I decide to give in. I've waited for this for so long... I want him to lead me. Like he always did. He said what I have to do during the last weeks. I always followed his instructions. Without question. I trusted him from the first time he contacted me. Unconditionally.

Jake's lips are soft and warm. He bites my lips gently. Makes me open my mouth and our tongues play with each other. I realize a warm feeling in my stomach. Oh, my… I'm already wet... God, we are just kissing. What are you doing to me Jake, I think. His hands move to my shoulder. Along my arm. To my fingers. He's not stopping with cover me with kisses. My mouth. My cheeks. My neck. I moan.

His hand slips under my shirt. His warm hands touch my waist, my belly, up to my boobs. My nipples are hard. Jake plays with them. Again I moan.

"Jake... " I whisper, already a bit breathless. “Hush honey” he whispers back. "It just you and me right now. I've waited for this too long. I wanna feel you."

"I want to feel you too, Jake. All of you." We kiss. He takes off my shirt and looks at me lying nearly naked in front of him. Just wearing a panty. He smiles. It's a cheeky smile. He knows I belong just to him. A thought is crossing my mind for a second. He always seemed a bit shy during our conversations... But maybe just in finding words. His actions are a lot more self-assured. And I like it.

"Is everything okay, MC?" He asks. I look at him. He looks worried and a bit helpless.

"Yes, Jake, everything is okay. More than okay." I kiss him. His gaze goes back to gentle again. He kisses me back.

His hand is still wandering over my body. He came down to my panty. His hand slips under it and start touching me on my weak point. As he feels how wet I am, he stopped kissing me. Looks at me smirking. There is a twinkle in his eyes. I groan "Jake..." He shut my mouth with kisses again. His fingers slide slowly into me. I shiver. I want to feel him. I yearn for him..

Suddenly he stops. Sit up in the bed. Looking at me. "You are perfect, MC..." I roll my eyes. Smiling. "Yeah sure..." I sit myself up, too. Look in his eyes. I slowly start to take off his hoodie. His shirt underneath. I touch his chest gently with my fingers. Quite muscular. But not too much. Just...perfect. I push him down to lay on the bed again. I kiss his chest. His belly. Down to his sweatpants. I pull it down a bit and give him a kiss shortly over the bench of his boxer shorts. He groans. I notice that he is already horny too. I grin. I like the thought that he's in my hands now. I begin to touch his dick, rub it a bit. He groans louder.

"Damn it MC... I want to feel you." Suddenly he moves, gets up and with a skillful move he had me laying down on my back again.

He is over me. His hands are on both sides next to my head. We breathe fast. I pull his face down to me to kiss him.

"I love you, MC..." He whispers. "I love you too...." The same words which are spinning in my head for a while. The words we wrote each other before he disappeared.

But now he is with me. It's just him and me.

He slides into me carefully. We groan. He starts moving his pelvis. Slowly, so we can enjoy every second of that incredible feeling... then faster. I claw my fingers in his back. Full of desire. I begin to move into his moves. Its so good to feel him. I feel like I'm close to come. “Jake” I gasp. His gaze is full of desire too... "Fuck MC" he says with a rouge voice, "it's so good to feel you"... He truths into me a bit faster and harder, 'till we both explode together.

He looks at me. Happy. I touch his face. Pull him down to me for a kiss. He rolls over to lay next to me. Both of us, still breathless, lying next to each other. Playing with our hands. His hands are perfect.

He turns his head towards me. "Do you have coffee at home?" I laugh. "What?! Sure. But shouldn't you sleep a bit more?" "I could ask you the same" he answers, smiling, “Well then”. I hush him a quick kiss and jump out of bed. Still naked, I walk around the bed and feel his gaze on my back. I turn around. Wink at him.

I grab his hoodie and slip into it. "Hmmm... comfy" I say. He smiles.

I start to make us some coffee in the kitchen. Still overwhelmed about what happened. I thought about what it would be like to meet Jake, how it would feel to touch him, to be with him about a million times... but to be with him here and now is better in any case.

I hear Jake coming in the kitchen. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck. I turn around. He's just wearing his boxershorts. And again I look in those beautiful eyes. I kiss him.

The coffee machine is making its noise. Time stands still. It would be the same feeling no matter where we are. As long as we are together.

Jake's hand slips under my hoodie (or his hoodie I'm wearing at this moment to be exact) up to my nipples. Plays with them. I moan. He's kissing my neck. I feel that I'm wet again. Jake's hand is wandering down my body, between my legs. I'm shivering. "Hmm... you're still naked and so fucking wet again" he groans. He pushes his hard bulge against my leg. Rubbing it against me. Groaning. His fingers are slowly moving in and out of me. I feel close to come. "Fuck" I whisper. " What are you doing with me, Jake?"

I wasn't able to give myself in so unconditionally to someone before. But with Jake it's completely different. I just want to feel him. Every second. For the rest of my life.

His fingers moving faster into me. I moan louder. Breathless. He lifts me up to the kitchen unit. Rubbing my clit. He's breathing fast, too. "Damn it MC... I wanted this so badly. I was thinking about you every second the last weeks. And to feel you now is just incredible." 

He pushes his fingers into me, rubbing my clit till my orgasm is washing over me. "OMG Jake...." Totally breathless, I get back on my weak legs. Kneel down on the floor and start to suck Jake's perfect and hard dick. He groans. Grabs my hair and lead my head. He slowly began to move. I take all of him. Looking up to see his desire. "Fuck MC, I'm close to come" he gasps. "Give me all of it" I answer, starting to suck and lick his dick faster. With a deep groan, he fills my mouth with his cum. I swallow all of it. Sucking the last drop out of him.

I was never very addicted to sucking dicks and swallow cum... but, as I said, with Jake it's different. I would do anything for him. Without question.

I get myself up. He smiles. His dick is still hard, and I'm still wet. “MC” he says, "may I please fuck you again?" "I'm begging you to fuck me again, Jake." “Turn around” he says. I follow his instructions, laying half on the kitchen's Deskto, waiting for him to slide into me. His dick finds my entrance and he spread my walls. "Fuck me Jake" I beg, " Take what you need, I require it so bad too" "As you wish" he answers breathless. He pushes into me, deep and rough. God, he feels so good. He moves faster and with a deep groan we explode together. Again.

I turn around. Look at him. We kiss. A long, intense kiss. "I love you" "And I love you"

I take my eyes off him. Grab the mugs and fill in the coffee . "Milk? Sugar?" “Black please” he says. "Sure, I can imagine as a hacker you don't have much time for stuff like milk and sugar." We laugh.

With our mugs, we're heading back to the bedroom. Take a seat at the window. Sipping our coffee while we're watching the amazing night sky. Is this a dream, I asked myself. Cuddling without saying a word, just happy to feel the presence of each other, we sit there 'till dawn breaks in.

"MC" Jake breaks the silence. "I think you know that I can't stay for long. My pursuers are still on my heels" I look at him. Seeing sadness in his tired eyes. "I know Jake. I will come with you. I've made that decision a while ago. I don't want to sit here and have to wait for an answer from you. I don't want this ever again. Not knowing how you are..."

"Listen to me MC, its far too dangerous for you"

"No, now you're listening to me hackerboy. From the beginning of our journey I knew that it will be dangerous and it doesn't matter to me because I trust you. Unconditionally. We are just together. Finally, after all what happened. You don't believe that I will let you go again, do you? I don't want this ever again. No Jake. I did that long enough. I can't let you go. I will come with you. Point"

He looks at me worried, but like he expected my words.

"It will be not easy. We will be on the run. Always. We will have to deal with a lot of problems, we have to hide..."

"I'm kinda addicted to that since you came into my life, Jake. I can deal with that. As long as you are with me, as long as we are together, it'll be fine."

"Well. Its sealed then. I'm happy you're coming with me. Because it would be extremely hard for me to leave you. I need you, MC.

So, take your time to manage the things you have to before we leave."

He gives me a kiss. Goes back to bed. Take his laptop and starts doing his work.

I look at him, smiling. Happy and determined to go with him. No matter where. No matter what.

The first rays of sunlight shimmer through the trees. Birds are jumping on the branches. The sun warms my face. I hear Jake hacking on his keyboard. It's perfect. I realize that I never wanted anything more than this.

I take a breath. Lot of things to manage today.

Doesn't matter. As long as I am with my hacker.

And I am now.

Finally.

[honestmouse20]

Idk if a lot of people have seen the subbed monkie kid s5 episodes yet so spoilers under the cut bc im Dying and i need to talk about it

So episode 10 comes out today I think, with the youtuber I've been watching. And jesus Im so on edge. One, Macaque injuring himself to free everyone so SWK could stop MK from sacraficing himself. Like he fell in a Very similar way to how he fell in the LBD fight. I audably gasped and had to pause it lol.

Second is holy shit MK and Wukong's fight was Amazing. We've been told that MK holds back but this is the first itme we've Seen it. And he won. Granted the circlet helped but I think he'd have been able to win without it too.

Third is he DEAD??? Like this is a lego show so I'm assuming that yk ofc they won't kill off their main character. But I don't Know for sure. And like, nuya (i forget how to spell her name im sorry) said that it was meant to happen basically. And then she said something about reincarnation??? I'm assuming she means like yes MK saved the world but he can't stop it resetting? For some reason? I'm not sure if the translation wasn't like direct or if I miss understood. But what does that Mean. Is everyone gonna die anyway? Just to start over again??

Also also if MK is dead will they do the thing like they did in MOTO and have him chose to come back?? Like realize that sacraficing himself doens't help and that there's always another way?? Idk and it's Killing me

finally holy shit the moment where I thought SWK was gonna sacrafice himself FOR MK tore me up. Like he's Taking responsability And he's trying so fucking hard to protect MK from more shit.

last also, man if MK survives this they're All gonna have to pitch in for some Serious therapy lol

[sp4ceboo]

Sober: Din Djarin x Reader

A/N: post chapter 16, reader is bi bc i say so

Warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, swearing, alcohol, drunkness, love, alcohol addiction if you squint, self hate, break ups, PURE ANGST with a lil bit o fluff

Word count: <1200

Din can hardly remember why the two of you are fighting. What he does know is this: both of you are tired, frustrated and aching, with a bounty having slipped through your fingers - and now you're at each others' throats. He can see the way your fingers are balled into fists, and for a moment he wonders if you'll hit him, because the emotions flaring in your eyes are far from rational. Words are pouring off his tongue, as they are yours, and he can't find a way to stop them and their raging flood.

His heart aches. He misses Grogu, he misses being a clan of three, the way it was when it was just you, him and the kid, and now he's lost his son, lost his ship, the presence of the black hilt clipped to his belt placing power that he doesn't want in his hands, and worse, his relationship with you currently seems to be fraying.

Din glares at your hard, black visor. It seems nothing like the soft voice that lays gentle kisses on his skin under the cover of darkness, nothing like the bell like laugh that used to chime at Grogu's antics, nothing like the dangerous, powerful purr you use on bounties. It just stares at him, cruel and impenetrable as you lay out his flaws before him, ripping him apart, piece by piece.

Din's fists tighten. 'Don't talk to me like that.' 'Who told you that you can control what I say?' You spit. 'You're just a fucking - ' 'You have no right to call me anything when you tell me every day about how you hate our Creed.' You snarl, grabbing his cowl, yanking him forward and shoving your face into his. 'If you had been more loyal to our Creed, maybe we'd still have Grogu.'

Din finds that he can't speak. Your words echo like a vicious curse in his head, displaying to him everything that had gone unsaid for the days that Grogu's been gone. He knows that there should be a rational part of his brain which will point out to him that he did what he needed to do, that your words make no sense, but even that has fallen silent, muted by your barbed words.

He turns on his heel and strides down the ramp, his cloak a savage swirl of soot behind him. Partly because he's not sure that he'll ever be able to look at you again without those words echoing in his head, partly because he knows he's not going to do something smart if he stays.

As he walks away, you raise your voice. 'That's what I fucking thought.'

He doesn't turn around.

════∘◦❁◦∘════

You don't remember much. You recall being worried that Din wasn't back yet. You recall how the sky had darkened to a pressing dark purple, and how you'd paced in the hull, unable to think of anything but your words to him. Of course he had gone off like that, of course you had had to lash out like that. You recollect choking down a sob and stumbling down the ramp, hugging yourself.

And now you're here, back in the ship, a broken bottle at your feet, countless empty ones resting against the crate you're sitting on, and another in your hands, a half empty packing case of the cheap whiskey on the floor, in easy reach. Listlessly, you stare down at the shards of glass littered across the ground. The fragments remind you of yourself - of what a mess you are, alcohol and regret still clinging to you in a sticky residue, of how you're sharp, how no one can come close to you without being hurt.

First your ex, and now Din. You can remember her ice blue eyes - she hadn't been a Child of the Watch like you - and how cold they had been when your relationship splintered into cruel edges of hurt. You can remember her jet black hair, her wild smirk, the way her voice had been pointed and yet oh - so smooth.

Is this how you'll think of Din in the years to come? As an elusive memory to cling onto in the darkest hours of the night when you lie in your cot, alone? Will you think of his gentle voice, his tender touches, and desperately struggle to recall exactly how they made you feel? Are you destined to be left alone with nothing but your regret forever?

You're not sure when you started crying, but the tears are streaming down your face now, soaking into your cowl as they drip off your chin. When you bought it, you thought the whiskey would help you forget, but you know that it never does. Not with her, and now, not with him. It just dulls the pain, and you're not even sure if you deserve that, not when it's your fault you're back here, drowning in self hate. Opening another bottle, you drop the lid, barely hearing it hit the floor as you take a deep swig from it. It's too bitter on your tongue - or maybe that's just the way your heart is throbbing.

You shiver, staring out into the night. You've left the ramp open, just in case he comes back, and the cold bites at your skin, but you hardly feel it. Not while you're desperately praying for him to come back, for him to not be done with you just yet.

A twig cracks outside, and your head snaps up. The yellow eyes of some creature stare back, and you drop your forehead back onto your forearms, the whiskey bottle in your hand trembling as you sob.

You're certain he's not coming back.

════∘◦❁◦∘════

You're half conscious and down to the last two bottles of whiskey when Din gets back. Emptyy bottles surround you like a glass army, and he has to delicately pick his way through them to get to you. He'd planned to go to Tatooine, to find Peli and ask her for a ship which isn't full of memories of you, but as soon as he started to pull the credits out to pay for his ticket, he balked. He couldn't leave you, not when he's sure can't live without you.

Not when he knows he loves you.

Gently, he scoops you into his arms, and you jump, weakly hitting his chest and struggling against him. And then you catch a whiff of his scent, and you collapse against him, eyes which you thought were dry welling up again as you cling onto him. He grips you, holding you as tight as he dares, unable to separate himself from you now that you're back together.

'I'm s - sorry,' you whimper, and although you slur, he can hear the truth in your words. 'I'm sorry too, sweet girl,' he chokes out. 'I'm so sorry.' You press your face into his neck. 'I - I thought you weren't going to come back.' You sob. 'I thought that I - I'd never see you again and I - ' 'It's okay,' he soothes, pressing his forehead to yours. 'I'm here now. I'm never - never leaving you. I love you, mesh'la. I'll always love you.' You look up at him, and tears cling like crystals to your lashes. 'I - I love you too, Din. Always.'

And he knows those words are completely and utterly sober.

[queen-scribbles]

@haledamage *cracks knuckles* ALRGHT THEN, can't wait to see the Kira ramble

I've already talked a little about how their different reactions in The Scene make me wanna chew drywall, but I'll refresh on that as I go. I think a lot of the differences and what makes them so DELICIOUS comes from the fact AJ and Adam are v different and Mallory and Adam are so, so very similar(the number of times Nate compares Mallory to Adam in their romance AU makes me laugh)

AJ, ofc, did the "what if we don't break?" response bc she's very much a "you'll never know if you never try" kind of person. Sure, maybe there's a 2% chance of success/no pain if they go for it(she personally thinks it's much higher), but there's a 0% chance if they deny something they both clearly feel and want to happen. She gets that Adam is trying to spare them both future pain of loss(a level of loss he's experienced before, which she can glean from the "again" even if he hasn't gone into detail about what happened to his family yet). She does. BUT his solution to avoiding potential future pain is to cause definite current pain. That doesn't make sense to her. Especially bc if something were to happen to him; seriously injured yet again or GOD FORBID killed, IT'S STILL GOING TO HURT. She still loves him even if he's not willing to let them be together. Can't speak for him, but suspects it would be the same. :) Just bc they're not acting on it doesn't make the feelings go away.

Her "going forward" is gonna be more of what's in the ficlet, not hiding that she loves him, not pushing too hard, just unobtrusively but relentlessly making him aware that whenever he's ready so is she. She doesn't want to pry for what happened to his family, what made him feel like this, worry about being broken bc he cares deeply about someone(spoilers, Adam, you care about Bravo. You care about Rebecca. You're still fucked even if you don't let yourself fall in love :)))) ), but even without details she understands it was Bad and she gets the desire to flinch away from a potential repeat of a pain you've experienced. Burn your hand, you don't touch the stove. Fall through ice, you don't walk on frozen rivers. etc etc. But she also feels that no matter how valid that fear might be, he needs to work through it(that feels like wrong phrasing >.>) bc not letting yourself get close to people for fear of how much losing them will hurt is no way to live. Especially when you're immortal. And maybe that's naïve bc she is mortal instead of being a 900 year old vampire. Maybe she'll feel differently after she's watched her mother and Tina and Verda's kids all age and die. But maybe she won't. Maybe loving people is worth enduring the chance/certainty of their loss.(Might do something in this AU with the fact she had a cat who died of old age a couple months before book 1. Much smaller scale, but she does have a little experience with loss of something beloved. And she wouldn't trade the years she had and loved her cat to avoid the pain of losing her, that would be silly.)

And Mallory. haha prepare for Mallory's Bold stat to SKYROCKET.

She's been trying to ignore, deny, and explain away the fact she's falling for Adam since late book 1, juuuuuust ignore she got worse PTSD from Murphy stabbing him than anything the asshole did to her. :) She still has nightmares about it. :))) Trapper fight too :))) The truth almost managed to escape after book 2 combat training, but she shoved it away, only to have TU OMNIA smash the walls down into little teeny tiny pieces she'd never put back together. (Love having a language nerd romance Adam "mutter in Latin so people don't know what I'm saying" du Mortain :). She DOES, buddy boy. It's fun) she still kept it kinda buried bc he was so clearly trying to deny/get rid of his feelings, and she already got her heart broken once by Bobby, she doesn't want a repeat of that. But the STUFF in book 3, man. And that my proud, cynical, STUBBORN AF, "I'm not fragile, Adam"// "I can handle myself" girl deliberately let herself be vulnerable enough to say "Too late" when he says he can't let her fall in love with him makes me SCREAM. She knew it was going to hurt. She knew it was going to break her heart. She did it anyway. She loves him enough to let him hurt her like that. Bc she had to tell him. She's honest, outspoken, reckless and so in love with him she can barely breathe, OFC she had to tell him even if he refuses to do anything about it.

But now, ohoho, he's admitted he loves her, and knows she loves him. The dam is finally, FINALLY broken, the river is raging, and good luck stopping her. She's gonna be way more open and blunt and vocal about how stupid she think it is to deny their feelings for each other. example: I DID NOT FINALLY GET OVER YEARS OF BLOODY BOBBY MARKS CRIPPLING MY LOVE LIFE TO ROLL OVER AND BE RESIGNED BC YOU'RE AFRAID OF GETTING HURT DU MORTAIN. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE ME?!?!?!?! (Do you know how long it took me to admit to MYSELF and sort-of kind-of to SOMEONE ELSE that I love you??? I can't back down NOW)

Mallory loves a challenge. She is encouraged and inspired when given a challenge. She also HATES IT when people tell her what to do, especially "for her safety". And Adam's whole "I will not allow you to fall in love with me" hits BOTH of those buttons. He literally could not have made her more interested in pursing him if he'd confessed his love and asked her on a date. xD Telling her "You can't do this, you'll get hurt" and thinking that would stop her???? Instead of make her chase it more stubbornly and blatantly????? Do you know her at all, Adam????? (Mason's gonna have a ball watching/abetting her in book 4 and I"m here for it)

tl;dr, AJ's a gentle stream, Mallory's a raging river, but they WILL both wear down the rock that is Adam du Mortain's obstinate refusal to pursue their mutual attraction, and it's gonna be delicious to watch.

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 68: I'm not making the 'nice' joke about next episode bc last time I did that someone died

okay let's see if I can get through this one without having a panic attack ten minutes in

(that's why there wasn't a liveblog last week)

I was making a sandwich during sam's ad and came back to Suddenly Bear

and then I saw "Baldur's Gate 3" in the subs and it all made sense

"that is your wife" which wife, laura, marisha or liam?

a teensy weensy little demon pact

oh, we have that autobots shirt sam's wearing

kiddo wears it to school for jersey days :D

Graz'tchar

NO

throw it in the hole

talking weapons: not even once

ashley what

swordmance

per spoilers in the group chat, Sword Bad

that thing is twice his size isn't it

ashton has the brain cell

"I don't care about you" letters

King of Fuckingwhere

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

travis' face

but who's on the council

ashton: please hold

grizzly man

ashton is the best narrator in this moment

yeah yeah hell yeah

fcg in his mind palace

matt doing the mass effect codex voice

prince fruitoftheloom

s a m u e l

STOP GIVING TRAVIS CURSED SWORDS

travis

sam

both of you

fresh cut "I can fix him" grass

fcg: the vibes are rancid

nigerian demon prince

"you can eat my ass, this is my card right now"

king butterknife

oh hell

hate THAT

NICE

"he barely listens to us"

liam :(

how fuckin old is ludinis

kiki :(

kiki!

keyleth pace urself

I love that cloak so fucking much

the Hand of the Tempest does sound really fucking cool

liam you can't make me cry that's illegal

everybody hates the raven queen but keyleth especially hates the raven queen

(okay they don't all HATE the raven queen, I'm just saying)

liam: that winged man, that beautiful angel, that absolute specimen of masculinity -

matthew so help me god not the tr - I HATE YOU

"those who call themselves gods" dang

it must be nice, it must be nice, to have asmodeus on your side

but no dogs. no dogs on the moon.

they just run right off the damn thing

just do dark moon magic in the room of the head of state who just recovered from an assassination attempt, nbd

until her what now

travis and marisha

"I've got wind chimes where my name should be"

"fuck off, ghost!"

oh y'all were gonna get blood fountain'd

vox machina road trip

"there was an accident and here I am"

ashton lore ashtON LORE

TITAN BLOOD

travis: that was me! :D

oh we got chair perch

"vast and frightening"

the key is to stop trying to apply logic to your friends

I'm assuming this is the blight tree from - IT IS THE BLIGHT TREE

"the enemy of my enemy is a dick"

marisha: you KNOW what I'm saying, just TELL ME

"all our allies are dead or doin' stuff"

what IS dorian doing. give me my boy back.

liam and his tea

keyleth's BEEN elementals. several of them!

"how are we gonna make fun of that name, it's too hard to pronounce"

oh kiki :(

stop saying entities

quick go find milo

cut ludinis off at the root

highlander the bitch

vecNA

"I READ BOOKS >:("

"you battled an earth titan" "I mean TECHNICALLY"

delilah alarm weewooweewoo

fearne would be a choice chaos deity

milo-joe dream team

"don't tell him I said that"

"he is a brilliant mind with specific limitations"

"I can feel my heart rate rising!" and then he went into cardiac arrest

I fully recognize ashton's tone re: fcg trying to contact dancer, that is a parent's "redirecting a child away from an inappropriate choice" tone

I feel like it's dancer tbh

it's time to d-d-d-d-duel

"oh changebringer, what the FUCK does that mean"

it IS dancer

"the changebringer…..sucks"

matTHEW

listen, I remember some of those vm planning sessions, this is high strategery

marisha: leave me aLONE

you're gonna carry that weight

oh no I'm gonna cry again

SAVIOR BLADE

oh shut the fuck up

just put me in the fucking ground

can laudna get a tattoo? would the skin just kind of. fall off?

[aprillikesthings]

Now that I've spent a good day thinking about how hot it is when Catra is a terrible person corrupted by setting off a portal, I'm ready to go back to (re)watching her try to be Good lolol

well okay more than one day.

I mean I literally spent the last four? five? days listening to songs off The Downward Spiral over and over while thinking about Catra and practicing my makeup for my Catra cosplay and ordering more of the things I need for it; like literally just staring off into space at work between phone calls thinking about Catra

I'm totally a well-adjusted middle-aged adult, thanks for asking!

Shit where did I even leave off

Oh right

SO HEY if you're new here, I've been rewatching all of the 2018 She-Ra, and I started doing it for fic-writing reasons but predictably I have become deeply obsessed. Anyway these posts sometimes have a lot of asides and commentary and references to other stuff and dumb jokes among a ton of screenshots, also (and it feels odd saying it this close to the end of the show) it's a RE-watch, so there's often spoilers for later bits of the story, also I keep trying NOT to just describe the entire plots of the episodes but I keep failing lol

s5 ep7 Perils of Peekablue

Adora's trying to become She-Ra (without an immanent threat) and then Bow and Glimmer distract her, and then the door opens on Catra and

I literally did a YES YES YESSSS AHAHAH out loud bc this is the point at which Catra just starts OPENLY FLIRTING, as opposed to just uhhhh flirtatiously taunting I suppose lol

like you're SITTING IN HER LAP

Also while rewinding it to watch again I paused it at the most hilarious moment

look at Catra's FACE

help I can't stop laughing but also look at Bow's expression

Glimmer: omg I'm gonna get to see my dad Catra: *gets up and leaves*

But also I make this face when a cat leaves my lap before I wanted them to:

Anyway they're a day out from arriving at Etheria

Adora's trying so hard

BACK ON ETHERIA

YAY IT'S THIS ONE

the intro finally changed!! I can't get a good screenshot but now when Catra (with short hair) and Adora (in She-Ra's new get-up) are fighting they stop much faster and they're both smiling omgggg

and there she is!! with everyone else!!

okay I'm going to take way less screenshots etc of the underwater speakeasy thing because let's be honest: that part of the plot isn't what I'm here for lol

But yeah they're going to the speakeasy thing to get Prince Peekablue who can see to the edges of the galaxy and can maybe tell them where Adora and the others are because they don't know what happened

Oh also Spinarella is chipped and Netossa is realizing something is off/weird about her but doesn't know what

Oh hey! You used to work for Huntara in the Crimson Wastes

Sea Hawk has pissed off approximately half the people in the room it seems (by lighting their ships on fire at some point)

Scorpia and Perfuma are the cutest and I can absolutely see how they end up together

In my fic I originally had Adora talking to some kind of therapist but I wasn't sure they existed on Etheria, and last week I edited that bit so Adora is talking to these two (which makes the conversation more fun AND easier to write anyway)

Perfuma: "Scorpia. You should do things not because you're good at them, but because they make you happy." THAT IS ONE OF MY LIFE PHILOSOPHIES thank you Perfuma you're 100% correct and I tell people this ALL THE TIME

Mermista: "I might've set their boat on fire. Just to see what it felt like."

Sea Hawk:

lolol

YESSSS I love this scene

Perfuma makes a flower, throws it to Scorpia as she sings, and she blushes and tucks it into her hair, these two are so sweet and cute

oh god I forgot that when "Prince Peekablue" get stung by Scorpia they go through the last half-dozen shapeshifts before turning into a (passed-out) Double Trouble.

lolol instead of "cash cow" it's an insult to poor Catra

Anyway they have the info the Rebellion wanted!

Horde Prime is pissed and has blockaded the planet, also half the people at the speakeasy were chipped....and now so is Mermista, though nobody realizes that yet

But also the phrasing of "She-ra stole his little kitten away" is just amazing

But also the last they heard, Adora and Bow and Entrapta had left to rescue Glimmer, do they think Double Trouble is talking about Glimmer here or what

(which. they did. they just also went back for Catra.)

Netossa realizes her wife (and most of the people around them) are chipped D:

And a chipped Mermista is gonna drown them all

oh shit Micah is also chipped

Entrapta gets the comms working!

"The Rebellion's been compromised! Horde Prime has them! We lost, I'm so sorry! We lost them!" --and then the comms go to static

AND CREDITS!

[fma03envy]

mami tomoe for the character ask hehehe

First impression: The first time watching PMMM was ages ago and I didn't watch it all the way through then but one thing I do remember about that time was legitimately not believing Mami was dead. Like I thought the show was faking me out bc I didn't think they would kill off a character from the intro three eps in (it's important to know here that I didn't realize that PMMM was only 12 eps total; I thought there were more and Netflix just had the first season or smth. The only other anime I'd been into before that was BNHA and FMAB so I kind of thought all animes were long)

Impression now: All the PMMM characters are tragic in their own ways but in Mami's case what gets me is how she was just starting to open up at the time of her death. Most of the time she tries so hard to seem like the mature, responsible one who others can lean on, but in reality she's literally just a 9th grader whose life is in danger on a daily basis. She's so scared of burdening others but then she finally does admit to Madoka that she needs help, and then immediately gets fucking. chomped. The futility of it all messes with me

Favorite moment: Her confession to Madoka always and forever. The "I don't deserve [your admiration]; you should find a better role model" bit is soooo telling about her self esteem. And what's so ironic here is that Mami was very clearly afraid that admitting weakness to Madoka would make Madoka feel obligated to help her out as a magical girl even if she didn't want to (the fate Mami was already stuck with). But in opening up to Madoka is Mami's actually giving Madoka more autonomy, bc with more information Madoka can make a more informed choice about whether she wants to be a magical girl! The "refusing to accept help when you need it actually hurts the people you're trying to help" theme that's later prevalent with Sayaka is also very visible here. (On a very different note, my second fave Mami moment is her gunfight with Homura in Rebellion purely bc it was sick)

Idea for a story: I would say I want to see her interact more with Kyoko but I am aware that that literally happens at some point in the manga that I haven't read (set in one of Homuras other timelines iirc) so

Unpopular opinion: I feel like people underestimate Mami's importance on Sayaka's arc? Ik I've talked abt this before but it still stands. Sayaka not being there during aforementioned scene with Madoka and thus unquestionably believing Mami to be this virtuously selfless platonic ideal of a magical girl is soooo crucial. I think this combined with her survivor's guilt about Mami's death is a huge part of why Sayaka's Like That. IMHO Sayaka's way more like Mami than she thinks, it's just that neither of them are much like the idealized version of Mami that Sayaka thought was real (and also clearly had issues with guilt)

Favorite relationship: Sayaka but I've already talked about that so, Mami and Homura! I think I said to you once awhile back that what I find really tragic about them is that in another world without Madoka coming between the two they'd be friends, but they can't be here bc of their competing needs for companionship make them butt heads over her. And I don't remember if you ended up watching Rebellion so to say this in a way that avoids spoilers as much as possible, I feel like their portrayal there really confirms this interpretation. I wonder a lot how they interacted in early timelines when Homura wasn't so focused on solely Madoka

Favorite headcanon: If there is anything in canon that actually contradicts this ah well but I hc that she's not actually big on tea and has more just learned to tolerate it. Both bc it feels like it would be thematically fitting with her "wanting to appear mature even when it makes her miserable" thing and bc I'm a flavor of autistic wherein I don't like tea

[nonclassyparty]

this chapter was so so good. i’m glad to see how well mc is handling the 180 her life had taken. i was a bit unsure about mingi. all of their moments together were super cute but i also couldn’t take my mind off of how they had ended a couple years. but hopefully they can get to talking about it with no difficulty (whys it so hard for everyone to just TALK omg 😔) and wooyo omg. he waits until the ending of the story to start showing his ass?? you like yeosang that much to come at your friend like that?you’ve known him for two business days!! 🤨 (i’m exaggerating, i know) i thought mc was starting to warm up a little bit to yeosang as well then i remembered all they’ve been through and then i thought hell i’d still resent his ass as well fuck both of them. and last but not least then the ending 😶‍🌫️… you’re telling me the mf has money now, while she doesn’t oh no i’m about to end it all. and judging from the last dialogue spoiler you gave us and how HE showed up in this current chapter i might just skip it the very last chapter to spare myself 🫠

i love how in your writing you never leave a stone unturned. i feel like other writers would’ve probably forced a happy ending but honestly speaking there’s still so much unsaid and unsolved idk if a happy ending make sense without addressing them bc it’d come up eventually in there lives anyway.

sorry i’m rambling but i love love this story and i hope you’re always well <3 💐💐

thank you very much first of all!! <3

second of all, the yn/wooyoung/yeosang stuff is like a direct parallel to boyoung/mingi/yn and at first i didnt think of elaborating more on it (yn was just supposed to walk in on wooyo and yeo and be angry but it was supposed to be funny in the end) but then i thought just making it into a comedic scene would be an insult to her character AND that it would maybe help everybody understand how boyoung would feel if mingi choose yn, understand mingi's predicament two years ago a bit better etc it's fun to play with perspectives sometimes so i took full advantage of that here lol

the relationship with yn and mingi well...that will be talked about in the last chapter but mingi is trying to fix what he's done with actions rather than words and yn is accepting it at a surface level no matter how much it bothers her bc she likes him that much but a good relationship just can't be built like that because the old unspoken problems you've pushed away will find a way to resurface sooner or later. i wanted to write mingi facing this shit head on and addressing it right away but it's just not in his character bc he does not like conflict, admitting he hurt someone or being vulnerable and revealing WHY he hurt someone and he'll avoid it until he's pushed to the last resort.

and san doesn't have that much money...yet but he is a lot more successful than his peers. it was always mentioned how he was a top student in all his classes so him finding success pretty fast after college isnt that surprising 😭

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

[newlyweebz]

Okay, I read killing stalking on and off while it was coming out bc it was so crazy for me. One bc I always see myself in characters I read, so it was hard to see them struggling, and two, I don't do well with gore or abuse. It took me until now to actually finish it all the way through in one go, beginning to end, and now that I've read it all, I'm in shambles. Therefore, for my own comfort, I'm gonna talk about it.

Spoilers, if you didn't already know, now ya know.

Sangwoo is heterosexual but is in love with Yoonbum. These statements aren't mutually exclusive, but it just fucks with me bc obviously we know that Sangwoo likes Yoonbum bc he reminds him of his mother but that just means he's attracted to Yoonbum bc of his feminine features and that doesn't sit right with me. I want to believe that Sangwoo saw Yoonbum for who he is and started to love him but whenever I think about how he's only able to have sex with Yoonbum bc he's imagining his mom I throw up.

Let's not forget the moment we were all waiting for, but hoping wouldn't happen, Sangwoo calling Yoonbum mom! Heartbreaking, yes, but his own reaction was even more heartbreaking. And boy, the parallels of how he imagined Yoonbum telling his childhood friend about it and them calling him disgusting when Yoonbum had been called that all his life, crazy. He even let the childhood friend leave the house without a scratch bc he was so messed up by his own actions smh when the serial killer becomes messy it shows how human they are, w h a c k.

Yoooo, that old lady at the end was so out of pocket. Where did she come from? How did she get in his room so easily?? I just don't like that it was a complete stranger. If I were Yoonbum, I would've strangled her(am i overreacting?). She had to be symbolism for something right bc I couldn't figure it out and it's fucking with me.

I had to keep reminding myself that it's not a love story. I wanted it so badly to be, but it isn't. Maybe to some it is, and that's fine, but you can't deny the toxicity of it all. But damn does it make you feel warm inside whenever there were false hope that maybe, just maybe, they could work it out and be better...