#it might be time to just start fresh
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i think i’m tired of being bunfloras
#i dont even know what that means for me#it might be time to just start fresh#blank slate in some other fandom#some place where nobody knows me#stick to just being a face you see sometimes in twitch chat that reminds you of old times#but not just a name people call friend without the work#i might just start new#vent#kinda?#who knows
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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having the urge to remake
#i know ive remade like several times but i think i need a fresh start fr#i might just do it who gaf
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😭😭😭
#law san do your job and bully him sexually forever for the rest of your lives...#omfggggfg hes soooooo weak#he just got law back its so unfaiiiirrrrr#he just started healing from his heartbreak#hes in full ''appreciating what i have 1000 times more because i lost it once'' wound is so fresh#hes SENSITIVE and VULNERABLE#dont you think its kinda crazy adorable that law is so reserved and you could even say cold#even in the way he loves#but bеpo knows that no its real and its strong and loves him back THIS MUCH#the moment they are apart hes gone hes not there hes lost....#and the moment law comes back he is so happy he is not even mad law left for a bit in the first place#too happy to think#too in love#bepоs heart can only be at peace when he is hugging law...even better if they are naked#attention from captain yes please#even tho he might cry from captain being rough bepо loves the intensity of it.....how can he not? its captain...#everything captain does he takes and he's grateful#look at him.........gentle thing#so full of love ...law what do you do to him that he is like this when you are apart huh.
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gonna do one of these things but low stakes low note counts lmao I just need a lil motivation
10 notes and I’ll text someone I miss ✅
20 notes and I’ll edit another chapter of my novel ✅
30 and I’ll finish reading The Last Unicorn ✅
40 and I’ll clean out my closet ✅
50 and I’ll finish writing a certain script
60 and I’ll finish reading The Iliad
70 and I’ll go take an optional test I’ve been meaning to
80 and I’ll get my car window fixed
90 and I’ll finish writing, recording, editing, and posting the next chapter of EoD
100 and I’ll find a play to audition for
(Crossed off means we reached it, checks mean I did it)
#fresh from the river#reblog bait#you don’t have to give me notes I’ll probably get around to these on my own time I just thought a little push would be nice#also if this starts going to fast I might up the numbers but we’ll see if anyone gives this any notes lmao#edit: changed Dracula to the last unicorn cause i decided I’d rather do Dracula daily again
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Both love and hate the absolute DELUGE of ink a fresh sharpie unleashes onto the paper the instant it makes contact…. I have complicated feelings towards the deluge lmao
#pepper words#it might not even only be fresh sharpies idk. I don’t remember… it might always be a deluge#until it starts to die#I use to ONLY use sharpies to draw traditionally for like the longest time. but then I got fancy pens and shit.#that dont piss out all there ink instantly#it’s kinda fun tho.. like it forces you to draw faster. and press lighter. and just. be looser w ur lines#and even when ur being loose it’s STILL making thick as hell lines. but. that’s also kinda interesting..?#idk. it’s kinda fun using them again sometimes. I feel like it’s kinda freeing. u just have to accept what the sharpie puts out#u can only control it so much. u have to let go of that urge for perfection and take what u get#I feel like currently I really struggle w. liking my sketches more than my lines. and trying to replicate all my sketchwork#into my linework… but lines are not sketches!!! so it leads to linework I don’t like either cuz it’s all scratchy and weird#i feel like. 1 I need to learn. to let some pictures just be sketches. like if I like the look of my sketch and wanna keep that loose#conceptual sorta look. to just. not line it. not try to replicate a sketch in lines#and 2! to embrace smoothness in my linework more… to accept my lines. not looking exactly like my sketch#and to not go over every single sketch stroke in ink to try and achieve that.. cuz it doesn’t work!!!!!#and.. uhhh. yeah! I think using sharpies might actually help out w that. cuz u literally. u CANNOT go over them a 100 times.#or trace over every sketch mark. the spread of the ink does not allow it! and if u keep trying it’ll just become a mess#forces me to accept my lines as they are… lines….#ok anyway… sorry for the impromptu sharpie / art dissatisfaction discussion ghghg#sharpies r cool and interesting to work w!!! force me to do things differently i think I like em#but also because I’m so stuck in my ways w lining my sketches they also frustrate me initially ghgh- but who cares if I’m frustrated!#the lines down! it’s done! u just gotta move onto the next one! and boom. whadaya kno#all of a sudden u got some finished linework that isn’t exactly what u put down for the sketch. but it’s smooth and clean and shit!#thats cool lol
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just found my old tumblr blog i created on the dot of my 13th birthday, suffered psychic damage. no i will not be sharing the url at this time, thank you for your concern <3
#my current main blog dates back to 10 years in september#but this one predates it by several months#not sure why i made a new one--lost the login info for the first? just a fresh start? i don't remember#anyway it's just mostly some very classic examples of teen fangirling. cringe may be dead but it's also. um. cringe <3#but with a few ill-advised posts that might doxx a few people i know/knew irl thrown in#which is why i will not be sharing the url#it is not because i am above embarassing my past self on the internet. yall know i Will laugh at old posts#anyway i'm shocked it's still up and not deactivated? i thought tumblr deactivated inactive blogs from that time
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ok I'm not subjecting my poor ceramics blog followers to 2 JoJo sculptures in a row, so for once I'm putting a ceramics post only on main. hi friends :] I am OBSESSED with the pose potential of sculpting a guy as a wolf and his soul as a wolf that's twice as big and fancier and has no sense of personal space
#once again I am saying: Star Platinum my BELOVED#which really means: Jotaro Kujo my BELOVED#sorry for the really bad photo <3 I finished the sculpture only half an hour before midnight#I'll paint these eventually and then they will be very beautiful but for now they're just Fresh Clay#live jojoblogging#ceramics#sighhhh I didn't get the pose exactly right on EITHER of my JoJo double wolf sculptures. I kind of want to try Again#I like the proportions and vibes of the first Star better but the second Jotaro was better#and the 2nd pose was cooler if I could get it to work properly#Star's hips gave me GRIEF#also I was working Too Big on the second sculpture-set. the porcelain was drying out on me and it started cracking#might not survive firing actually. Fingers Crossed#anyway next time I'll sculpt them a bit smaller and see if that helps. the sheer size of Star's back legs made it difficult to ''sketch''#and figure out how I wanted them positioned before I committed. which led to this like B-grade pose#this concludes your essay on my process alsdflskdflksdfj
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So I decided to restart my animal crossing new leaf for the 3ds file completely but I didn't know that Tom Nook would OFFER TO BUY the entire town and let you carry over the money to the new town and it's hysterical because the mayor basically peaces out, cashes in on 30 million bells, changes entire identity, and accidentally becomes the mayor in a new town. There's a fanfic there but I'm too lazy to write it.
#rose and rambles#HELLO????#i did not know that tom would offer to buy AND I DID NOT EXPECT MY TOWN TO BE WORTH 30 MILLION BELLS NOT INCLUDING MY CATALOGUE AND#THE INTEREST I'LL GET FROM GETTING THE BELLS IN INCREMENTS#MAKING THE FINAL TOTAL CLOSE TO 39 MILLION#WOWZER#okay also i did think long and hard about this#like i never have restarted that town#but it was overrun with flowers and i wasn't close to any of the villagers but wolf link#and i can get him again#i needed a blank slate#i do this with farming sims all the time#i restart so often because once i get into late game i have no gumption and animal crossing *is* different#but i really needed that fresh start and it felt better to restart new leaf than horizons#but the funny thing is#i now want to restart new horizons more than ever#i just haven't really touched it since 2020#i never did the pumpkin growing thing im so behind#and every time i think about going back to it i just feel dead#but restarting new leaf has been so fun and refreshing#and its only end of day two BUT i have so much bells to burn on projects#so i can get the foundations of things like bridges and stuff right away and continue through my house loans more organically#idk i feel good#and i might prefer restarting horizons in the future with knowledge of things and#with all the updates already figured out#feels good#also my starter villagers in this new town are#fauna peanut eloise sparro and rooney and im so heckin thrilled#best line up ive ever had in the beginning
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god it is so humbling to move to a new country even when you know the language
#i missed the bus bc there were cops + no jaywalking signs + i couldn't figure out how to cross the road “legally”... i had to press a button#i have to ask people to repeat what they said and repeat myself atleast 2 times on our first interaction#i went to the fred meyers and couldn't figure out how to buy the fresh veg for 15 mins till someone else came in#i put the wrong liquid in the dishwasher. i was shown where to put it in and how to start it and i just assumed its the same liquid ok.#dollar store sells tamarind jarritos tho. might make it.#usaposting
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I am going to be so fuckign productive today
#i just rearranged my commission income spreadsheet for tax season and i have 10 owed comms left my stomach hurts#why did i take on so much?!?!?#anyways the only thing to do is chip away at them one at a time#honestly the good news is that i don’t feel like i need to reach out and cancel any of them#at most I’ll get 5 done this month and 5 done next month and I’ll take march off and have a fresh start by April#if i do more this year at all tbh#cuz it’s a writing year so it might not be a comm year at all after Feb#we shall see
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still alive but still struggling
#on another new med that's been making me drowsy & brain foggy so#that on top of my already non-existent energy is really taking its toll on my ability to do anything#I hope that no one is too annoyed by my posting lately mostly being headcanons & shitposts & dash games... bc that's all I've got rn sfjgksh#writing will make its return eventually...... but it might be a bit yet ;~;#more and more I'm finding myself tempted to delete the vast majority of my drafts#save for a handful of threads that I really haven't got the heart to drop...#and just start a bit more fresh when I have the energy sfjgksh#I'm sitting somewhere around 60 again which is insane ahfgkddh#idk. I'm thinking about it but as usual I'm back & forth on it.#anyway. love u guys hope ur all doing well 💜 and thank u for the hundredth thousandth time for putting up with me 💜💜💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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thinking about the way jack occasionally slips up in trying to use guidelights and such seventeen years after he lost his magic, angry at himself that the habit is still there
thinking about jack occasionally turning to share a private joke or laugh at someone’s expense sixteen years after his sisters death, angry at himself for being surprised anew that she isn’t at his side to hear it
#sorry folks I’m feeling violent tonight#might write something w this who knows#jack alston#lord hawthorn#a power unbound#elsie alston#the last binding#the last binding trilogy#freya marske#I just need everyone to understand the raw agony and bewilderment of not having something that you’ve never known a life without#seriously my twin goes to the bathroom at school without me realising I start shaking like a prey animal#not even joking I get fidgety if I don’t know where they are#jack and ingrained habits that are impossible to shake and hurt fresh every time until he’s just angry again
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Over the last few months, my dad has discovered Crowded House (as a band he’d previously overlooked), and he is taking me along with him in that. It still feels a long ways away at the moment, but this past weekend, I’ve finally gotten the sure feeling that it’s not a matter of ‘if’, but *when* that’s gonna be at least a small hyperfixation… And before January, I knew almost *nothing* about them, save for two of their own songs and a Split Enz song, so there’s literally everything ahead to get into.
In other words …help.
#Insanitypost#heeeere we go again…#might as well start getting through the denial phase of the hype so I can enjoy it if it only lasts a few weeks#i still don’t know enough about them for it to become a hype right this moment…#…but I’ve become aware of a few facts and now I kinda want to know more than just the songs my dad and I are sharing#…that’s where it really begins -right?#oh lord I don’t have time for a fresh hype right now -good thing I don’t have time to research them just yet XD#I guess if it gets big enough to reach my Tumblr account at least Squeeze won’t be the only new wave band hanging around!#…my hype for them is still holding strong and will probably just end up running alongside it#there’s actually a bit of resemblance there
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sometimes I think about how the game that completely changed how the general public viewed pixel rpgs, has a breathtaking soundtrack that has completely escaped it's original circle, has lines like "It's you!" "Despite everything it's still you", changed so many people's mind about empathy in video games, was damn near revolutionary in how it used game mechanics as part of the story and literally fucked with the code of your computer, uses the game code as a means of storytelling, has secrets people still are trying to unravel to this day, and has a boss fight so mind-blowing people still talk about it and for so many people it's ongoing legacy is Kanye West likes...., selfcest, and that time it killed the queen of England. And I love that. good job team
#undertale#I will forever gas up undertale are you kidding#also if you weren't there in 2015 you might not get how like. jaw dropping sans' boss fight was.#just because how it became a meme#all the endings were secret!! For every one except a very very specific one that you have to grind for Sans does not fight you#you can't get him to fight you#he's the true fucking pacifist for better or worse!!#and it's not just his own nihilism he genuinely believes violence#and taking a life especially is this just insanely cruel thing#so you listen to him preach on and on about not hurting others#about not killing#about how it's wrong to kill#and then just completely decimates you when you first encounter him in the worst ending#'his boss fight isn't that hard!!'#YEAH NOW!#after people have had the better part of a decade to dissect it down to the millisecond#the reason it caught people so odd guard it because randomly the game changes the rules!!!#the character you're fighting changed the rules#you can the first move every encounter? no not this time#boss fights work up to their stronger moves to let you adjust? not here he hits you hard right out of the gate#the game gives you hints how to beat enemies? no. good luck babe#he opens the fight with a bit of dialogue the same bit of dialogue every time like every other fight? Not this time now he just goes#every fight gives you the chance to back out and finish the game like normal? no you're out of options#You have to restart the game if you want to start fresh#Again this is a character who never fights you! his fight isn't an option except in the worst time line!#and now he's just put every card on the table and is wildly considered the hardest fight in the game#AND! he fucking counts out your death#sans undertale is that dude.#He's always a character that breaks the rules everyone else follows and now he's breaking the rules YOU follow get dunked on idiot#This doesn't even get into how the game treats you the player as the villain in that route
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you invite byan to bake with you but they just eat all the icing so there's none left for the cake by the time it's finished
#they might try to help at first but they get frustrated in about five minutes and give up#just start sneaking their finger into the bowl of icing#soon they have a wholeass spoon and you're too preoccupied to notice that they've been eating it this whole time#next thing you know you're making a fresh batch of icing and they're dumping the whole jar of sprinkles into their mouth#they're a menace don't let them into the kitchen while you're baking#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ shitpost ⋮ bold of you to assume i've reached peak dumbass.
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