#it seems to be a good balance of romance and political issues

[kastukj]

“I’m gonna start reading dune” I say as I buy a completely different book and start reading that instead

[semi-imaginary-place]

politics of a fe3h golden ending

All the endings have a united Fodlan because the devs have a boner for absolute monarchies and Romance of the Three Kingdoms which ends in unification. Realistically speaking unification isn't necessarily better. I mean compare Europe with it's dozens of tiny countries vs. idk China or India which have many different cultures and ethnicities within them, neither system is inherently worse but each has it's own issues. Fodlan could do fine with 3 major nations just as it could do fine as 1 nation, what matters is how it's done. What's more important are the systems of governance, justice systems, resource management, stability, and prosperity of the continent.

So I think monarchies just like all totalitarian regimes are unjust and just bad ways to do government and I like democracy and republics, however FE3H loves monarchies so there's the question of a golden ending for me vs for the characters in universe.

Byleth makes a better advisor than a Leader, they lack the vision to truly rule well, but they are both smart, practical, and efficient and would be a good policy editor. In a Unified Fodlan the ideal leader out of the cast would be Edelgard and Claude, a dual leadership is unlikely but these two balance each other out well that the ideal situation is where they can influence each other no matter who officially has the higher position. Dimitri needs to be put out to pasture, send him to a farm up north, he's unsuited to leadership.

I think a good transitional government would be if instead of heads of nobles ruling a region (Gloucester, Charon, Aegir, etc.), each region has a governor which is legally a non-hereditary position. Realistically this means many of the nobles stay in power for this generation so they aren't likely to revolt but it lays the foundations for a less nepotism and hereditary power. The nobles can keep their styles (Duke, Count, etc.) but these titles no longer have meaning like the style/title doesn't automatically come with a territory or Cabinet position. On a national level a transitional government style could be like the Leicester Roundtable where policy is decided by council vote and and council seats are representative of regions.

Without Unification the House Leaders are likely to become national leaders. Edelgard is quite popular is Adrestia and Faerghus is a death cult that loves monarchies and they almost all buy into divine right of kings so left to their own devices they'd choose Dimitri. Leicester in this way is more progressive and independent and could survive without Claude. As shown in the CF, AM, and VW endings each leader does eventually make good reforms especially in Adrestia and Leicester, but they all could do fine as long as they can maintain diplomacy and not have Edelgard sent the continent into war again. The path to democracy and republic is clearest in Adrestia and Leicester. Edelgard during the game takes several measures to break up the power of the nobility and more equally distribute power, prioritizing merit over lineage. The Leicester Alliance is already the closest thing to a republic in Fodlan so it only needs minor adjustments to increase enfranchisement, increasing council positions and making them by election instead of hereditary. Faerghus need work but Dimitri at least seems open to the idea of giving non-nobles more rights and power.

There's also the interesting question of who counts as Fodlan and what to do about them. Everyone agrees that Adrestia, Faerghus, and Leicester count but what about Duscar, Sreng, outlying regions like Hapi's hometown or Balthus's mom's hometown? Fodlan seems to be both a culture and a continent but the venn diagram while mostly overlapping isn't a perfect circle.

Oh yeah and the Church! The only thing I hate more than monarchy is theocracy (Why SS! why are you so well written but so cringe politically!!). Ideally the power of the Church should be checked and rendered politically impotent. During the game the king and emperor of Adrestia and Faerghus derive authority from the Church, but Church and state should be decoupled and authority should ideally be derived from the People. I don't think the Church of Seiros needs to be demolished or made illegal but it shouldn't be a political institution. So religious institutions should be regulated. I agree with Claude, Rhea needs to go.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Romance Recs: LGBTQ+ Love Stories Across Subgenres

Hello hello

Obviously, June is not the only month to read LGBTQ+ romance (would recommend doing it year-round, personally) but! It seems like a good time to make a themed rec post.

I won't pretend to be the most well-read in terms of LGBTQ+ romance, but it does matter to me, and I'm especially interested in romances that push the characters to something beyond "wholesome love story where everyone is nice all the time".

With that in mind, try...

A Long Time Dead by Samara Breger (F/F, paranormal romance).

Take Interview with the Vampire, make it sapphic, and offer less horror and more happy endings (of every variety). Don't get me wrong: the horror is very real. There is plenty of death and destruction, and a very Gothic Victorian feel throughout. But the story ultimately revolves around new vampire Poppy--bright, bold, and flirtatious--and experienced vampire Roisin--uptight, caring, guilt-ridden--trying to make it work over the decades. All with the specter of Roisin's psychotic ex. Also, you get a coven of gay vampires!

Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid (M/M, sports romance)

Cocky Ilya Rozanov and golden boy Shane Hollander are the top rivals in the NHL--what nobody knows is that they've been hooking up on the low since their rookie season, despite claiming to dislike each other. One of my all time favorite books, this romance is pure vibes. Love and angst and sex and the examination of toxic masculinity and insecurities--you get it all here. It's serious, but never too serious, and the chemistry between the lovers sells it. I completely, 100% believe in this love story. Also, the depiction of Ilya's bisexuality is so good. Followed by the direct sequel The Long Game (which is also great) it's the second in Reid's queer hockey series Game Changers.

The New Camelot Trilogy by Sierra Simone (M/M/F, political romance)

If you're looking for a polyamorous romance, this ranks as one of the best--though it's not for the faint of heart. A retelling of King Arthur's saga in which Arthur (Ash) is the President, Lancelot (Embry) is his Vice President, and Guinevere (Greer) is the eventual First Lady, this trilogy has... all the things you'd expect from King Arthur (murder, long-past incest, tons of intrigue). Also, it's pretty kink-forward, with everything from CBT to CNC. But you never fall away from the core love story between three people who all adore each other. What begins as a conventional love triangle unfolds into a triad wherein they have to work out jealousy and resentment and past wounds. You could read all three characters as bisexual, but of course the real journey there is between Ash and Embry--war buddies, hurt lovers, who happen to be in love with each other and in love with Ash's wife. Angst has never been better (or hotter).

Mafia Target by Mila Finelli (M/M, mafia romance)

The mafia is obviously very homophobic--and this book does confront that! But it doesn't linger on the issue. Because the real appeal? Is the cat-and-mouse game turned whirlwind romance because between erstwhile mafia heir Giulio Ravazzani and ultimate assassin Alessio Ricci. There are a lot of secrets here; and I mean, they do meet when Alessio is sent to kill Giulio. They just can't help but like each other, though, and they're both so competent (and violent, to be honest). The romance is HOT, and Alessio's ability to kill is balanced with Giulio's natural authority and slick wit. You don't have to read the previous books in the series (all M/F) to understand this one, but I will say that the first two, featuring Giulio's father as the hero, have a pretty lovely father-son journey.

Their Marchioness by Jess Michaels (M/M/F historical romance)

A marquess and marchioness have a happy marriage--but Elliot knows that his wife, Merritt, loved another man before they married. Peter Reid, a playwright Elliot has patronized for some time now. So when their tenth anniversary approaches, Elliot offers Peter and Merritt the opportunity to rekindle their connection... under his watch. What begins as a kinky threesome, however, deepens as it becomes clear that Elliot (raised by a homophobic father) has as deep a connection with Peter as Merritt does. This is one of the few "struggling with my sexuality" LGBTQ+ romances that works for me, because Elliot is so loving to Merritt and Peter, and so determined to ensure their happiness... even at the cost of his own. Because both Peter and Elliot have an existing connection to Merritt, a lot of the development focuses on Peter and Elliot, and the emotional payoff is quite strong for a relatively short book.

Mortal Follies by Alexis Hall (F/F, historical fantasy romance)

This light--but high stakes--fantastical romance reads as half-Austen, half-Shakespeare, all witchy romcom between a couple of disaster lesbians. Maelys meets Georgianna Landrake (aka The Duke of Annadale) while a curse causes her dress to fall apart at a ball. The Duke is brooding, moody, and intense, resistant to Maelys's advances without actually being able to resist her. It's funny, as any Alexis Hall book is... and it's whimsical... but there's also an element of the melancholy here. The Duke lives on the outskirts of society, a suspected murderess; and watching her fall for Maelys is so satisfying, and never without a sense of the magical.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by K.J. Charles (M/M, historical romance)

Imagine moving to the middle of nowhere, having to take care of your absent (dead) father's mistress and a sister you never met, and trying to testify against a bunch of local smugglers... Only to go to court and find yourself being blackmailed by your old anonymous hookup. Who happens to be one of the lead smugglers. I understand the blackmail part being off-putting, but let me tell you: the romance between Gareth, hapless sort of upper class twit, and Joss Doomsday, smuggler extraordinaire, is worth it. We actually begin with Joss and Gareth on one of their random hookups, with no real names or information exchanged. It ends sourly, and they would never see each other again... but fate intervened. The marshy setting, the adventure, the romcom antics--this one is hard to resist.

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian (M/NB, historical romance)

Alistair, our hapless bisexual duke, sure does like his new best friend Robin, the young man about town. Things seem to go wrong after a reckless kiss--but just as Alistair thinks Robin is going to blackmail him, it turns out that Robin is housemaid Charity Church. But Charity sees herself more as Robin than Charity, not quite a man or a woman. This romance is pretty groundbreaking in terms of its depiction of Robin's gender identity--she uses she/her pronouns, but is pretty clearly non-binary. And while, as they fall in love, it's as simple as her simply marrying him to Alistair, Robin's anxieties are never dismissed, her resistance to playing a gender-conforming role valid. This is also just a really fucking good friends to lovers romance, with hot sex, yearning, a scene where Robin removes her gloves with her teeth and Alistair almost loses his mind... It's good shit.

Queen Takes Rose by Katee Robert (F/F, contemporary romance)

I remember the concept of Maleficent and Aurora being so popular years ago--and Katee Robert takes that and runs with it in her Wicked Villains series (which is generally pretty queer). Malone is our modern-day Maleficent, shady and vampy. Aurora is a brat who owes her, and their relationship is gray and complex and heated. If you're looking for sapphic romance with a bit of an edge (without ever going too far), this could be for you!

Something Fabulous by Alexis Hall (M/M, historical romance)

When stuffy duke Valentine botches his proposal to the woman he's been set to marry since childhood, he's forced to go on a cross-country adventure to find her... alongside her frivolous, somehow alluring twin brother Bonny. A true historical romcom with actual laugh out loud moments (as well as great romance), this book... goes wherever it wants. There's dueling. There's a colony of lesbians. There's an interesting use of metaphors of certain body parts. Also, Valentine is demisexual! It's a must-read, especially if you need a pick me up.

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall (NB/NB, historical romance)

After being dumped by her best friend Arabella, Peggy is woe begotten but not able to resist said friend's pleas for help in seducing the famous castrato soprano, Orfeo. But Orfeo seems a lot more interested in Peggy than Arabella... A standalone sequel to the above book (which does read better if you read them in order, in my opinion), Something Spectacular gives us a truly unique love story. Peggy is genderfluid, and Orfeo is agender. They're both a bit wounded, both a bit on the fringes of society; and Peggy's sensibility and competence is contrasted Orfeo's seductive sense of drama perfectly. You don't see castrati depicted often in fiction, and I think Orfeo's trauma and sense of identity is portrayed sensitively... while never taking away from their passion and allure. Still extremely funny, just a bit angstier than the first book, and kind of perfect.

Pride Not Prejudice by various authors (anthology)

This recently published collection is one I must recommend--it comes from a wide variety of diverse authors, and the pairings are equally so. I haven't read all of them yet, but standouts thus far include Mafia Brute by Mila Finelli (M/M, mafia romance), about an Italian fashion designer and a Russian mobster... on a boat; When She's Shy by Ruby Dixon (F/F, sci-fi romance) in which an introverted human woman falls for a lovely, sexy alien babe; and Lady Waverly's Lover by Amalie Howard (F/F, historical romance) a hot interclass, age gap illicit affair story.

The Conquering of Tate the Pious by Sierra Simone (F/F, historical romance)

This novella is a truly unique historical romance on several level. We go back to the time of the Norman Conquest, with our heroine, Tate, acting as an abbess at an unconventional convent. What's she to do when the Norman invaders arrive? Bigger issue: what's she going to do about the fact that the feared "Wolf" is a (kind of villainous) lady? It's a little dark, a lot hot, and somewhat surreal in the best kind of way. Right now, you can only find this in the Villain I'd Like to F... anthology, which has several other good novellas (all M/F except for one M/M/F entry) but the authors tend to release the novellas individually after the collections shutter.

An Island Princess Starts a Scandal by Adriana Herrera (F/F, historical romance)

Adriana Herrera writes fabulous historicals, and this is no exception. Here we have a Caribbean heiress running up against (in more ways than one) a guarded, business-minded duchess. Cora is savvy and sexy but emotionally withholding; Manuela is engaged to a man and committed to staying the course, despite being a lesbian... but before she marries, she's determined to have some fun. But, you know, fun does tend to lead to love. A special part of this book is its Parisian setting; 1800s Paris was lesbian central for a minute, and the book DELIGHTS in that.

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall (M/F, trans heroine and cis hero, historical romance)

Probably the most serious-minded Alexis Hall I've read, without losing its sense of whimsy. Viola has been living as her true self for years, ever since she faked her death at the Battle of Waterloo. She's left most of the people she knew before behind, including her best friend, the Duke of Gracewood... Until she finds out that he's become hopelessly depressed, tormented by chronic pain and survivor's guilt. She's unable to resist coming along on a venture to help him--and, not recognizing her, he's at first intrigued and then, slowly, captivated... If you're worried about this book doing the "moment of recognition wrong"--I personally found it extremely gentle and romantic and sad. Never does the book declare Viola wrong. Never does it not love her. And God, Gracewood loves her too. It's a swoony romance that never takes the binary route, luxuriating not in Viola's trans-ness as a tragedy. A lot of it is also really a great adventure of a romance, in a way that's charmingly old school. Deep sigh.

Give Me More by Sara Cate (M/M/F, contemporary romance)

For me, the best poly romances allow for some angst, some work towards figuring out dynamics and acceptance. This book does that perfectly, and it makes its characters do the work. Drake (who's long been out as bi) and Hunter (who identifies as straight) have been best friends since childhood. They even met Hunter's now-wife, Isabel, at the same time; and the three of them going on a work-related road trip together seems natural. Until Hunter catches Drake and Isabel in a tense moment. What begins as Hunter watching leads to.... feelings. Between all three. The book is less about three people falling in love, and more about Hunter and Isabel, who've been in love for a decade, realizing that they're both also in love with Drake (and have been for a long time) and Drake is in love with both of them. It's emotionally intense (heads up: Hunter has a hard time coming to terms with his bisexuality because of his abusive father) and tenderly romantic at once. Also, hot as hell.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian (M/M, historical romance)

When duke's son Percy approaches retired highwayman Kit Webb to steal something from Percy's father, Kit turns him down cold. But he IS open to teaching Percy how to steal--leading to a caper of a love story between a guy who falls hard and a guy who doesn't want to admit he's falling. And yes--the gruff highwayman is the one that falls hard. Percy is one of my favorite romance characters of all time, brittle and cutting and flirty and cold. He's only really sweet for Kit, and even then it takes a lot of work to get him there, even though he loves the people he loves so much. It's funny, it's light while packing an emotional punch, it's an adventure with everything from robbery to prizefighting. And it's followed up by the delightfully queer The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes, a M/F romance with two bi leads.

[gothoctopus]

🍑,🍾,🥃

For val my favorite grandparent 🥰

ahhh thank you <3

🍑: What sort of traits does your OC look for in a Significant Other?

Val needs someone who can maintain a good balance of respecting their need to be independent while also being firm and open with them. They tend to get a little squirrelly if they get the sense that they’re becoming a burden to their loved ones, so they’ll often try to circumvent that by ignoring their limitations or tackling problems on their own. This has…historically not been very good for them, so they need a partner who can walk that fine line between caring for them without making them feel like they’re more trouble than they’re worth. And that’s on childhood abandonment issues, babey!

A partner for Val would have to be every bit as stubborn as they are, because if you ask them to open up about themself they WILL just talk you in circles further and further away from the point if you let them. They do this as part defense-mechanism, part because they think it’s funny.

Val also just sort of likes…passionate people, in general? They tend to gravitate toward men who are steadfast in their beliefs, be that in religion, politics, art, or just anything they seem to genuinely care about. People who are passionate about seeking the truth, exposing injustices, learning about their cultures, their families. They find that sort of thing to be incredibly endearing and comforting. They love people, and they love when people care deeply about things.

🍾: Does your OC believe in luck? If so, do they have any charm or ritual they do before a stressful event?

Not particularly! They believe in luck only so far as they understand that some things are well and truly out of your control, but they don't really have any personal rituals or superstitions to try and combat that. Val tends to be more impulsive in stressful situations, anyhow.

🥃: If your OC was in this universe, what would be their favourite show/book/band/social media platform?

Oh they would absolutely DEVOUR documentaries. Particularly documentaries about history, religion, and culture, but honestly I could see them delving into other types as well. They love to learn new things and try new things. The History Channel would be on at all times in their house. (Side note, but good luck to news channels. If you don’t shape the fuck up they’ll get your ass).

They would vibe with a lot of folk metal and anti-establishment punk, I think. I can see them being big into musical theater, but I think overall Kamelot would be their favorite band.

As for books, again,  they would have a lot of historical documents. Textbooks, little hobby startup books about all SORTS of things (Learn How to Knit, Beginners Origami, etc.). Definitely a few trashy historical romance novels thrown in there, too. You know....for science...

[prose-mortem]

Taken: Alien Commander's Captive Review

Rating: 5/5 Stars

This is one of the better sci-fi alien romances I have read-- and I have read many of them. Taken: Alien Commander's Captive follows Jayne and Rexitor as they navigate Jayne's abduction from the earth, Rexitor's reclamation of his rightful place in the empire, and all the cultural/political drama that ensues.

I love the fact that the FMC is 38 years old and not an 18 or 19-year-old child... I hate it when romances have teens as the MCs in adult romances, but it's hard to find FMCs over 30 no matter what the genre is. All ages deserve to be represented in literature, but to people over the age of 25, an 18-year-old looks and acts like a kid, so it's weird to always have them as hyper-sexual MCs. The FMC also does not struggle with her fertility (an annoying trope that seems to affect anyone over 35 in books) and there is no big deal made about her age or childbearing ability. The fact is that a 38-year-old is not a child, but they are also not old yet either. It's a relief that this author understands that and gives actual adults a chance to shine, be smutty, and find happiness. (I'm only 30, but I love seeing all ages represented.)

Next, I really appreciated the fact that one of the prominent species in the book, which is much more ancient than humans, has not evolved all that much beyond human silliness. For example, there is still a clear gender role expectation (The women are expected to breed, but otherwise can do what they want), and political strife and manipulation are at play. I think the author delved into a deep truth that some people don't like to face: We may have mostly tapped out on our potential to evolve in a positive sense, and almost everything runs in cycles. Evolution, contrary to mainstream understanding, is not synonymous with improvement, and Hattie Jacks hit the nail on the head as she acknowledges that. It is not cynical to suggest that a species will never be perfect or that it takes millennia to move just a fraction of an inch forward. Our collective narcissism as humans makes us believe that we're the best things in the universe and that we've come a long way mentally when we're actually experiencing many of the same social issues that occurred 8,000+ years ago (SA, cheating, jealousy, political power plays, etc.). And in fact, we are not that different cognitively from the Neanderthals! I love that the author has enough human social experience and sci-fi knowledge to recognize that perfection isn't possible, even for fictional cultures. (And neither I or the author are saying that improvement ISN'T possible. I think we would both just agree that development is painfully slow and messy. It takes millions of years just for small genetic things to adapt... It makes sense that social refinement would take its time as well. And Jacks makes it clear that the true-born leader of the old Haalux line WILL bring healing to the empire, so we still get our HEA!)

The author also busts up the DNA modification trope by explaining that meddling with genetics actually held an entire culture back in this story! I am not for the demonization of cutting-edge science or genetic mods, but it's nice to see that scientific progress does not correlate with benefits all the time.

This book is a great balance of smut and plot! The character development is good, though I wish I could learn even more about Jayne's earth life! =) This is only the first installment in the Haalux Empire series, and I am definitely a fan! The deeper social commentary combined with all the *steam* was just what the doctor ordered for me!

[themailmanif]

The World is no longer the world. It’s an empire, and the surface of planet Earth is practically inhabitable after the series of events that would lead to the IFPS, or the Imperial Federation of Planetary States. The IFPS consists of the Milkyway and other adjourning lesser galaxies.

This new galaxy was made by humans, settled completely by humans, and it’s elite has a strong distrust of the everyday communications across the stars. Digital, those of emails, texting, etc, and even the phone call, go unused. Those are the ways of the general population, of the lower classes.

The rich and powerful use mail. This is where you come in.

You are a mailman. One of few.

You make sure communication between planetary leaders stays in the balance.

You have a Guide.

Mailman posts for intergalactic travel are usually on the surface, dangerous. And you need a partner. His name is Hadrian Bowes.

The issue of right now:

There’s too many political factions in the layers on Earth. And too many Mailmen, a job position that calls for utter neutrality, are getting sharp new ideas. Where do you lie within these ideals? Or are you another stoic Mailman?

Another issue, actually:

The Empire seems to be splitting at the seams. You do not read the mail delivered, obviously, but with each delivery you gain only tidbits, but much more than everyone else, into the realm of the powerful— it doesn’t look good. You normally wouldn’t be able to do anything, but your customers are even getting suspicious of you.

In “The Mailman” you’ll be able to:

Play as any gender. You insert your own pronouns.

Befriend, romance, or become enemies with a cast of characters.

Bounce between planets and aid in the extraction of information concerning whatever political or societal entity you want to support.

Explore the halls of galactic palaces and places of excess.

The Characters:

Hadrian Bowes: Your Guide and closest pal. You two have been doing this for 6 years together.

Mary Witherspoon: A Mailman with an agenda. She doesn’t like you. She’s been a mailman for a decade now.

Agustin Soarez: Mary Witherspoon’s Guide. One of the best Guides around. Highly smart, and highly attuned to the ways of nature most have forgot.

Governor Farrah: Governor of Neptune. Being a leader on a gaseous giant is no small feat, and he has been sinking into paranoia over the last year. His court seemed empty the last time you delivered. Why?

Diane Apostolidis: Leader of The Barrens, the major underground crime syndicate that takes a savior status in the lower levels of the Earth. There’s not much on them except that they’re alive, and highly secretive.

Maya De LaCruz: A high ranking member of the LBA, or the Librarian Association. The LBA believes that Mailmen aid in the hiding of information that should be open to the public and disservice humans and their desire for knowledge. She’s on their council.

DEMO TBA

[taechaos]

No More

from Textbook Love drabble series

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: dark romance, college au

synopsis: Perhaps love isn’t all you need to be with Jungkook. Maybe it's a sign you and him weren't meant to be.

warnings: fluff, daddy kink, public sex, degredation, mild angst

word count: 6.7k

a/n: dedicated to a good old gemini, known as pretzel anon. happy birthday! this was shit! 💞 can someone let me know if i made a stupid mistake i was really high while writing this lol

If every couple goes at their own pace, how does one know if the relationship is rushed or a slow burn? What is considered a date, and how many do you have to go on to stop calling it a date? Maybe there’s a book called Dating for Dummies.

Jungkook has taken you out once: a fast food meal on the curb across your campus. Romance is subjective, so you thought it to be very romantic when he fed you a french fry under the streetlights while you were too stuffed to finish your food. “I paid for it,” he’d said, “so you have to eat it all.”

“I’ll eat anything from your hand,” you’d replied bashfully. He got a bit awkward after that, and you regretted saying it until he began feeding you and even holding your drink to your mouth. It was a successful first date, but you wanted it to last longer; feel your heartbeat out of rhythm with every smile he threw at you until the sun came up. Unfortunately for you, he walked you to your dorm a little after dinner.

Luckily for you, you know that wasn’t your first and last date. You’re going to ask him out for the second one because it’s a beautiful day outside and you’ve studied all morning for your finals to clear up your schedule for Jungkook. A walk in the park sounds nice, then a picnic, maybe he’ll even hold your hand! Is it too soon for another date though? It’s only been less than a day… 

You’re wearing your favorite outfit for the occasion: a pale blue floral dress that has a rectangular collar on the chest—without cleavage, God forbid—and sandal heels to match. You even styled your hair, and hopefully dressing to impress works; you don’t want him to say no. The current issue is finding Jungkook, and you don’t want to be that person, but you’re avoiding calling him in case you bust him with another girl by searching instead. It makes you guilty for having trust issues, but infidelity has its impacts.

Regardless of your internal concerns, you’re happily humming as you skip on the sidewalk, checking every corner for a certain someone. So far no such luck, and if he isn’t in his dorm, and if he doesn’t go off campus on Sundays, where could he be? In someone else’s dorm…?

“Stop,” you scold yourself with a roll of your eyes and continue your hunt. Next location: the back of the building. The front is cleared out, so is the dorm; what’s happening in the most secretive area? “God,” you sigh. Is this how your thinking process has always been? You hope it is.

The beat in your steps has gone missing when you’re rounding the exterior of the building because of your reluctance. You’re contemplating calling him until you see the back of a man with a girl in front of him by the benches, presumably kissing from the smacking noises. You clench your phone in your dress pocket as you watch them, hesitant to find out who the guy is.

“Jun–” Your voice goes quiet when you see the tattoo of a dragon on his shoulder, peeking out from his black loose tank top. It’s not Jungkook’s tattoo. You bite your lip and ignore the relief in your tight muscles; he’s dating you now, that’s what he said. It’s different, so there’s no point in worrying about his loyalty. 

You shake your hands off and walk faster to the taboo spot. There’s no point in worrying, there isn’t, not when he told you he would make it up to you. There’s no reason for your heart to race from expecting the worst when you make the final turn.

A shaky breath leaves you and a small smile follows when you see him smoking with his friends by the back exit. There are four people with him, Taehyung included, who is sharing a cigarette with him. He notices you first because he’s facing you whereas Jungkook is facing the clear forest across. He waves you over with a wide grin, his eyes lighting up.

“I see a pretty girl at 9 o’clock,” Taehyung says and Jungkook turns his head, the rest following his lead. You take tiny strides while approaching them and bite down on a shy smile.

“Hi,” you greet in a small voice. Your eyes immediately lock with Jungkook’s, who looks baffled.

“Hey yourself,” Taehyung greets back. “Care to share?” He holds a burning cigarette out to you with a slight bow, as if offering you a rose.

“She doesn’t smoke,” Jungkook answers for you without looking away. Is he displeased?

“Have you ever tried it?” he persists before inhaling the stick and blowing it in your face. You cough and hold a fist to your mouth, shaking your head. Jungkook slaps the back of his head before taking the cigarette from him and putting it out on the wall he’s leaning against. “You owe me a whole pack now.”

“Care to introduce us?” a guy you don’t know asks curiously. 

“Oh, right–”

Jungkook cuts him off before putting names onto the three strangers’ faces, Namjoon being the one who asked for the introduction, and when he comes to you, he says, “Meet… my girlfriend.”

“Thought you said she was a lousy nerd, Taehyung,” Yoongi comments before chugging from his flask. “Doesn’t look like it to me.” Taehyung chuckles uncomfortably before rubbing the nape of his neck as you tilt your head at him, the glint in your eyes never fading at Jungkook’s words.

“I didn’t get a close look at her before, didn’t know she was a real beauty,” he recovers with a flirt. Another slap on the back of his head. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Seokjin diverts the topic. He appears very nice and seems to be the only one not smoking. His friendly smile puts you at ease and you politely tell him, “The pleasure is all mine.” Good first impression on all of Jungkook’s friends: check.

Your boyfriend ignores the interaction and stares at you until you gaze at him as well. “What are you doing here?” You can’t read his expression.

“I wanted to ask you…” you play with your fingers nervously, “if you wanted to go to the park with me?”

Jungkook quirks a brow as Namjoon and Seokjin wiggle their brows, Taehyung frowns, and Yoongi smirks. Quite brave of you to ask him out in front of his smoker friends, and it’s impressive that you play into such a role of textbook love: only caring about what your crush thinks. When Jungkook peeks to see their reactions, more or less weighing their judgement, he’s satisfied when he realizes none of them give a flying fuck about him being with a girl next door; someone outside of his type of rather than a free escort, really. 

He doesn’t care about what they think when he smiles down at you and says, “Let’s go.” You bounce on your heels when he swings his arm over your shoulder and walks away from the scene. The unsteady heartbeat is back for the same reason as last time, but you’re waiting to request something else.

The park near the university is peaceful with groups of friends hanging out; couples sitting on benches; the sun shining down on the trees and grass as you aim for the ice cream stand. You try to muster up the courage to ask him first, but you’re feeling courageous as you pull away from his arm and instead latch onto his hand and intertwine your fingers. You glance at him with a blush to see his reaction, but he doesn’t look at you and only squeezes your hand nonchalantly. His grip is tighter than yours. Maybe it’s from the heat, but his cheeks are tinted in a light pink shade. 

You stumble on your heels when you stare at him for too long, but you recover from a fall last second. He holds onto you anyway, furrowing his brows at your shoes. “High heels? Are you trying to reach my height?”

“You like them,” you giggle and continue your struts more carefully. When he frowns, you worry, “Do I not look good in them?” 

“Why would I like them if you can’t walk in them? You look pretty in flats too.” 

After a whole afternoon of eating ice cream, blushing at anything nice Jungkook said, listening to his music while sitting under the sun, the evening has come. Throughout the day, you were dreading the end of it because every second with him is so enjoyable. The warmth of his hand when you play with his fingers is a feeling you never want to forget, and you didn’t notice the little smile on his face when you were lying on his chest as he watched you do the most endearing and innocent thing one could think of. 

“So precious,” he’d thought. It makes the argument from yesterday feel all the more terrifying when he remembers how close he had gotten to losing this moment. It’s nothing he’s ever experienced or even seen before; plain jackpot.

You’re off the school grounds as you walk on the streets passing cafés with Jungkook, hands locked and feeling perfect. You wonder if he has ever done this with anyone before, but then he’s never been in a relationship. Who are the people that comment in his Instagram posts then? A question strikes you, and you admire his side profile as you ask, “You don’t like it when people call you– Ah!” Your balance wavers as you stumble again, this time falling on your knees after your ankle bends. With the pain tolerance of a baby’s, your eyes instantly water and you let go of his hand as you hold onto your ankle. It’s sprained.

“Shit, are you okay?” He crouches down and picks you up bridal style before sitting you down on a nearby chair. The café’s lights allow him to see the scrape on your knee and the bump on your ankle. “Hey, hey, don’t cry now,” he rubs your injury soothingly as he cringes at your tears. He doesn’t know how to comfort you as you whimper and sniffle. 

“Damn these heels,” you cry quietly. 

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise at your wording. “This is my second time hearing you swear. Swearing apparently helps with pain though. Say ‘fuck’.”

A chuckle leaves your mouth, but you decide to try it anyway; the throbbing muscle hurts too much. “F-Fuck.”

“Fuck these heels,” he encourages.

“Fuck these fucking heels,” you level. Maybe the theory is correct, because it feels slightly better when he laughs at your rare vulgarity. A minute passes with you trying to keep your tears at bay while he lightly massages your wound.

When he notices you calm down, he asks, “I don’t like it when people call me…?”

You sniffle and rub your eyes before saying a few seconds later, “Daddy.”

He blinks, stares at you, and his heart skips a beat. With your soft pout and red nose, you look so little to him. “... Yes?”

“Huh?”

“Oh,” he smoothly snaps out of his shock, “I don’t have that kink… Um, say it again?”

“Daddy?” 

It sounds different hearing it from you. Without the drawn out whine or the eggplant emoji next to it, and with your voice, it actually sounds cute. “What does that word mean to you?” he shifts the conversation with a subtle blush.

“I don’t know. You call a fatherly figure daddy, right? A man who takes care of you. People say it during sex too. You’re being a daddy right now.”

“Stop,” he warns lowly, “we’re in public.” He stands up from his kneeling position and picks you up in his arms again. “Have you ever called anyone that?” 

You clasp your hands behind his neck as he walks with ease, as if he isn’t carrying anyone in the first place. “No. My dad walked out on my mom when I was little, and I haven’t met anyone who treats me like you do.”

“Wait, you… think of me as your… daddy?” His eyes are wide and he’s gaping at the path in front of him with knitted brows. He looks so intimidating when you scrutinize his features, but you know he’s just flustered. You timidly nod against his shoulders. “Christ. Why?”

Your answer isn’t immediate because you don’t want to come off as too strong, but he’s impatient as he squeezes your waist. “I know you don’t want people to call you that,” you whisper understandingly, “but you’re so mean to others, and you hurt anyone who upsets you.” He rolls his tongue around his cheek uncomfortably. “Whether it be with words or actions. But you’re so sweet to me… You can be really rude, but you care a lot too. You don’t even smoke around me,” you laugh lightheartedly. 

“I mean, you are a baby. You make it difficult to not treat you like one,” he jokes with a hint of truth. You snuggle into his neck with a lopsided grin and your breath fans his tan skin. “I don’t like being an asshole to you, but I’m not exactly a nice person either.”

“You’re carrying me to my dorm,” you point out as a counter.

“I’m only nice to you; somewhat. And… I don’t like being called daddy by horny women, or men for that matter. I’ve never liked it, so I’m not exactly sure why I’m hard right now.” You tense against him. “Something about your sweet, innocent voice calling me daddy is really fucking hot.” He sighs to collect his thoughts; he can’t wait until he’s in your room. It would just be torture. “Did you get on birth control, baby?” He keeps his volume low in case of someone eavesdropping.

“Yes,” you mumble and grow nervous at what he’s thinking.

“Good girl,” he exhales and swiftly enters an empty alley between two restaurants. “Quite the slut too, telling me all this in a crowd.”

“I’m sorry,” you breathe as he presses you against the wall and has you wrapping your legs around his waist. He’s so thoughtful, carrying you even when he’s shaming you so you don’t put pressure on your injured foot. The shadows casting from the walls in the narrow space limits your vision, but you don’t need to see anything when he’s doing all the work by rendering you immobile from the press of his hips.

“Good choice with the dress,” he says while pulling out his belt and releasing the buckle. You hold onto him tightly without the security of his hands. He pushes his jeans down and has you towering over him by adjusting your position from the back of your thighs. Your breathing is quick and shallow from the anxious anticipation of the raw stretch, but he’s so nice to you today: he shoves your panties to the side and rubs your folds to collect your arousal as lube. He’s being thoughtful by relaxing your walls with his fingers first, and you bite down on a moan at the sensation. He’s still taking care of you by silencing you with a bruising kiss. 

“Thank you,” you sigh against his lips. His two knuckles are deep inside you as they curl and scissor. As nice as he is, he’s also very impatient and it’s not long before you feel his tip lightly poking at your entrance. 

“Ideal for a quick fuck.” He flashes a dazzling smile before it falters in order to concentrate on positioning himself. He closes his eyes and bites his lip as he slowly enters you, a lot more gentle considering the setting and knowing how vocal you get. A hum rumbles in his throat as you gasp when he’s halfway inside. When he bottoms out, he waits a few seconds for you to adjust before his rough nature returns. “You gonna stay quiet for me, little girl?”

“I’ll try.” Your heart is pounding in your chest when he leans in your ear, his breath tickling your neck. 

“You know that’s not what I wanna hear,” he whispers. He isn’t going to fuck you until you say what he wants, and your diffidence doesn’t make an appearance when his fingers are digging so hard into your thighs, his breath is hot on your skin, and he’s completely nestled inside you.

You lean into his ear as well, and meekly say, “I’ll try my best, daddy.” You can feel him shiver under your hands and hear him grunt, “God,” before he starts moving. Fast. You’d think he’s in a rush from how his pace picked up so quickly—roughly—but he may have just discovered his new kink. 

There’s no point in being quiet when the slam of his cock is enough noise deep in the alley, and he realizes that before you do. You’re bouncing in his arms, mouth open in a silent scream with only huffs leaving to not expose your doings, until he growls, “Say it again. Again and again.”

The chilly breeze from the night weather doesn’t affect you when he has you flush against him, and heat creeps all over your body not only from his hard and impatient thrusts but also from his words. “Daddy,” you whine, the same drawn out whine that he used to hate hearing; it makes his abs contract and clench now, a groan catching in his throat. He sounds almost animalistic, and your eyes screw back in pleasure. 

“Quiet, you fucking slut,” he reminds with a following moan. 

“I-I’m sorry, daddy,” you whisper in a strained voice. You can’t keep your vocal cords steady when he’s knocking the breath out of you every time he hits your cervix so deliciously. Jungkook’s a total paradox when he’s being so aggressive yet sweet at the same time, but it feels too good for you to complain. Your head is in the clouds when he bites on your shoulder to practice what he preaches: being quiet. 

“Do you love me?” Maybe that’s not the way you should go on about asking to hear his sweet nothings, because he bites you so hard that you feel his teeth break your skin. 

“The fuck kind of question is that?” he snarls. He licks a drop of your blood off of his lips when he faces you, but the bruising pistoning of his cock doesn’t differ; maybe slams into you even harder. “Hm? Answer me, dumb little slut.” He pinches your thigh cruelly, emitting a pained gasp from you.

 “I just want to hear you say it, please daddy,” you mewl. “I love you so much.”

“Keep fucking begging.”

You initially thought Jungkook became more honest and affectionate when you’re being intimate, but it seems that one word brings out a different side to him: wild and sadistic. Perhaps there are two sides of him being a daddy, one not so much of a fatherly figure. Controlling, dominating, and violent. You’ve received too many bruises in one night.

“Please, please, please, pretty please,” you comply in a cry and hug him tighter.

“Missing something,” he tuts with a breathless laugh. “I love you, stupid girl, more than anything.” He stops ramming into you, and the drag of his throbbing length loses its pace but not its strength. “So, so fucking much,” he strains before slamming into you one last time for his release. With him stuck brushing against your sensitive spot and his shaky moan, your lashes flutter and you clench down on him with the intoxicating wave of your orgasm coursing through your trembling figure. You whimper his name as his cum fills you, the warmth coating your walls while you lose your sense of awareness. 

“Stand on one leg,” he breathes. You know he’s referring to your safe foot, so you disentangle your legs from his waist and stand. The only sound aside from the drown out dialogues from the restaurants nearby is your panting. Though he’s just as drained of energy as you are, he adjusts your dress and underwear for you, even fixing your hair before he pulls up his pants and lifts you. “Don’t call me that around others by the way– especially Taehyung.”

“I promise,” you assure with a chuckle.

The next day, a dreadful Monday, is not so bad when you get to link with your boyfriend and other friends by your usual spot on the benches. You don’t have a lot of lectures throughout the day, and you sit next to Jungkook who’s chatting with Taehyung and Yoongi after your long morning lecture in the afternoon. You peck his cheek as a greeting with a lovesick grin, and the former annoyed look on his face vanishes when he sees you. Soyeon and Minnie are close by, and thankfully there’s no tension between anyone. You’re forgiving, but you aren’t going to forget.

“So you two are actually back together, huh?” Taehyung says with a mocking smile. “What goes around comes around, Kookie.”

“Taehyung, you’re not making this any easier on yourself,” Yoongi murmurs.

Jungkook scoffs and rolls his tongue around his cheek—an irritated habit. “Well then Tae, I’m going to be polite and ask you to not be a homewrecker.”

“I have been hanging around Soyeon too much lately…” he jokes with a tilt of his head.

“Don’t turn this on me,” she says with a quirked brow, tone as soft as Jungkook remembers. You sit back and sigh at their bickering. “I didn’t know his name, you have no excuse to be flirting with her.”

“He isn’t–” You can’t get a word in when Jungkook agrees, “She’s fucking right, you know. Stop tailing around me to get a look up at her skirt.”

“I am not–"

“Oh for God’s sake,” Yoongi sighs like you do. Both of you share a guilty look, apologizing on each other’s behalf. It’s only when you start tracing the tattoos on Jungkook’s arm that he finally looks at you.

“You like it?” he asks, a bit smugly. You nod with a tiny smile. His tongue darts out to lick his lips before he pecks yours, and says, “I’ll add your name to the collection. Thinking of inking my knuckles.”

A blush from his kiss, and a bashful smile from his idea graces your face when you cutely pout, “No…” He laughs at your very obviously fake denial and closes in on you, teasing in a whisper, “Yeah? You like that?”

“Look at you two being so adorable,” Taehyung interrupts with a dreamy sigh, “but I want ice cream.” He holds his hands up by his elbows on the oak table and leans his face on them with fluttering eyelashes. “Kookie? Ice cweam? Pwease?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jungkook winces at the disgustingly cutesy face he makes, and you release a humoured breath at the friendlier banter. “Go buy it yourself, moron.”

“I don’t have money and I want her tea on how you two made up,” he flutters his lashes again with his fingers intertwined; begging so silly. “Pretty please.”

“Now I’m definitely not going to leave you alone with her.”

“Baby,” you interject, and his eyes widen at the nickname. “I want ice cream too.”

He flashes a quick glare at Taehyung, easily giving into your needs with a sigh. “You’re paying, fuckface.” He snatches his wallet the moment it’s out of his pocket and walks off while spinning it between his fingertips.

“He stole my fucking wallet,” he frowns without offence. “Oh well. So…” his eyes trail to you with a mischievous glint, “you never smoked before, right?”

You shake your head, a bit curious—albeit amused—as to where he’s going with this. 

“You wanna know something? Jungkook reeeaaally likes smokers,” he stretches his hands for emphasis. It piques your interest, and you raise a brow. “I can teach you. We have to do it fast, before he comes from the store. Okay?”

“Um… okay,” you laugh as he switches seats from across you to Jungkook’s spot. 

He takes out his pack where his lighter is also stuffed as he speaks, “So what I’m gonna do is teach you how to shotgun.”

“You can’t do that with a cigarette,” Yoongi states in boredom, a plain contrast to Taehyung’s hyperactivity. “Don’t listen to him. He’s lying to you.”

“Oh, shut the fuck– okay, sorry, didn’t mean to say that.” He turns to you with glimmering excitement, “It’ll be easier on you if we do it with a shotgun.” You merely shrug because you don’t even know what that means. He sticks a cigarette in his mouth before holding up a hand to his lighter, inhaling until the tip burns. Smoke flies past his lips as he explains, “You inhale from the filter, but don’t inhale too much. You’re going to cough, maybe feel a little lightheaded since it’s your first time, but try to hold it in, okay?” 

Taehyung peeks behind Yoongi before shifting his attention to you. He takes another drag from the cigarette but doesn’t exhale. “Okay,” you say with a nod, sharing his excitement at a new experience that Jungkook could potentially approve of. You can rely on Taehyung’s honesty, though the bad memory from before leaves a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you’re ready to create better memories with him. He flips the stick until the filter is between your lips.

He wraps his lips around the tip and your eyebrows shoot up at the proximity. He holds your face between his large palms, and the cigarette is hidden behind his hands. He leans closer and nods at you, and you take the cue to inhale. You hear Yoongi blow out a deep breath just as you take in a shallow one. The urge to cough strikes you instantly, and you hold it in the best you can; your cheeks puff out as you slightly wheeze, and smoke leaves from both your mouth and nose. That’s when Taehyung pulls back, the intense eye contact gone, and you hear Yoongi scoff and the heavy footsteps of someone else. You cough into your hand when Taehyung slips it out of your mouth and holds it under the table.

“What the fuck?” Jungkook asks incredulously and throws three wrapped popsicles on the bench. You feel slightly dizzy when your small coughing fit ends, and you grow confused as to why your boyfriend is glaring at you with such intensity as his eyes flicker back and forth between you and Taehyung.

“Had to take you up on the homewrecker offer–” Taehyung’s sentence is cut off when Jungkook pulls him up by his collar, hesitates with his fist flying midway, then forcefully pushes him onto the pavement instead. He’s also confused– frantic, and doesn’t know what to do.

You’re semi-conscious of what he’s doing, but consuming nicotine for the first time leaves you feeling quite strange. You feel like you’ll stumble if you try to stand up, and slur if you speak, so you just wait it out.

“What– Why are you just sitting there?” he asks you with violent gestures. “What the fuck?” He holds onto his head, and all of your friends are quiet as they watch him. They must have missed you smoking for the first time. Yoongi waits for him to stop pacing.

“It’s not what you think, Jungkook,” Yoongi calmly tells him. What is he thinking though? “I know it looked–”

“The fuck it did! Right fucking in front of me? How the fuck are you so calm?” he yells. 

“Hm?” you say. He watches you in astonishment: bottom lip jutting out and brows scrunched. If he didn’t see you shamelessly kissing Taehyung out in the open, he would be doubting his own vision because of how unbothered you seem. It bewilders him; why aren’t you reacting at all?

“They weren’t–”

“It took almost one fucking week of dating for you to resort to this?” Taehyung is still on the ground as he sends you a warning glance, Yoongi is unbothered by the ordeal because he’s constantly interrupted, and Jungkook is fuming at you while you just sit there.

“I was just curious,” you relate to the cigarette that is still lit beneath the grass next to Taehyung.

An astounded laugh is his only response as Taehyung smiles at you, but you’re only looking at Jungkook. “And here I thought, like a fucking idiot, that you were the only girl unlike my mother. And you,” he looks at his old friend with menace, “show your face around me, and I won’t hold back again. God, I need to kill someone,” he sighs before storming off. So he doesn’t like cigarettes?

When the fog in your mind begins to clear up, you stand to go after him just as Taehyung blocks your path. “I need to tell him I won’t smoke again,” you try to push him aside, but he doesn’t budge.

He laughs. “It’s not about that. He thinks you and I kissed because I made it look like it.” Just as you’re about to confront him, he clarifies, “Listen, I just want his reaction on this, okay? Don’t you want him to feel how you felt when he kissed your friend?”

“I’m over that.”

“Are you though?” No, you aren’t. “Aren’t you paranoid? All nervous when he’s around other girls? Or even when he’s just not around you?” Your silence prompts him to continue, “You’ll truly forgive him if you take revenge. You know he won’t do it again if he feels the same way you felt.”

“But that’s cruel…” you try to reason.

“And what he did wasn’t?” 

Like the little devil on your shoulder, he enters your mind and reads it for his own agenda. What is his intention? Do what he couldn’t do with his ex? Is he… helping you? What he did was bad, so why aren’t you calling him out for it?

“What do I do?” you dodge his question. He knows the answer anyway.

He smiles with satisfaction. “Let’s talk it over a few cigarettes, hm?”

Back to square one– no, square zero. At square one, you could at least interact with Jungkook, do his homework and have him kiss you when he was satisfied; you don’t have anything to do with him now. Taehyung warned you of this, told you Jungkook would start seeing other people and avoid you unless he wanted to hurt you. How he knows him so well is beyond you, because that’s exactly what happens in the next four days.

You watch him from afar like before, see that scowl on his face that you haven’t seen in a long time after you met. Only two aspects have changed: the eye contact and Taehyung’s lack of presence around him. Jungkook’s eyes are always on you, filled with so much disdain and hatred, even when he’s kissing another girl. Smoking stops you from crying because of how dizzy you get, and Taehyung is always with you – waiting. Both of you are waiting for Jungkook to do something, and it’s a surprise Taehyung still hasn’t been beaten to a pulp for just talking to you.

Maybe it’s a sign that you and him weren’t meant to be. In the span of a short while when you were together, only problems have surfaced. So much misery and anger in a relationship isn’t normal; it’s toxic. But you wait anyway.

“Look at him glaring at you with a girl on his lap,” Taehyung chuckles before lighting up his cigarette. He’s leaning on the wall next to the campus entrance with you.

“Nothing new,” you croak and take a drag from yours, coughing again. It’s déjà vu, if anything. One has to learn from their mistakes to reach success, right? This situation is just one of them for the better of your relationship. Has to be. 

“Worldstar,” he sings with a laugh. “I kind of miss hanging out with him, though; and the rest of my friends.”

“Yeah.” You can’t exactly pay your utmost attention to his words when you’re having a staring contest with Jungkook, who is practically devouring the unidentified girl’s mouth. It doesn’t sting as much as long as he has his eyes on you because you know what it means now: he’s trying to make you jealous. You didn’t know that before, but you didn’t know Jungkook as well as you do now before either. 

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“You somehow always do.”

Your reply humors him. “You want to go up to him, tell him what I did. But you know I’ll stop you.” His eyes squint as his cheeks hollow to inhale the nicotine. It’s a Marlboro Red, not exactly fit for a starter like yourself. You hate that you can’t even stand without using the wall as a leverage, but the effect is a necessary distraction.

 “Why are you… so invested in this?”

He shrugs. “It may not seem like it, but it’s going to help strengthen your bond. It also gives you enough time to stop liking him and fall for me instead, but that’s just a plus.”

“What?” you slur. The cigarette is hanging on for dear life between your fingertips because of how weak you feel.

“We should kiss– for real this time,” he blurts. “He’ll talk to you sooner. God, I really want to kiss you.” He drops his stick before grabbing your face and softly crashing his lips against yours. You don’t close your eyes, you don’t really do much of anything while he does what he wants. It goes on for twenty seconds before he slowly pulls back. “He’ll talk to you tonight,” he exhales. “You’re welcome.” He pecks you again.

You finally close your eyes and your head hangs limply. “You’re the real problem,” you murmur, “you keep tearing us apart. The villain.”

“That kiss was on me,” he admits, “but I’m just making you face reality. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy, right? Only reason I can smoke with you is because Jungkook cares a fuckton about me. I’ll make it up to you as well, when your relationship isn’t a fucking lie.”

Couples go at their own pace, don’t they? Maybe this is how long it’s supposed to take for you to be one with your betrayed boyfriend. This is the real beginning; Taehyung is just the catalyst. 

You see it when Taehyung is gone and Jungkook isn’t kissing back anymore. He isn’t even glaring. He’s just blank.

Perhaps love isn’t all you need to be with Jungkook.

It’s late in the evening and the nicotine still hasn’t worn off. You haven’t moved an inch from your spot and neither has Jungkook from a distance, still on the same curb across. The girl left when she didn’t receive any responses from him for a minute straight. An emotionless “fuck off” was enough for her to angrily storm off.

You have no idea where Taehyung went and you’re sitting on the ground with your knees to your chest and hands on your sides. Jungkook is staring at you from the bench. You just need to wait because he’s going to approach you like his friend told you.

People aren’t in the yard so it’s mostly empty in the open space. The lights from the streets and inside the building you have your back against don’t allow you to see your boyfriend clearly enough. He doesn’t have an issue with making out your features though. That kicked puppy expression on your face is drawing him, but he hasn’t been cruel enough.

It’s been difficult treating you like shit, so he doesn’t bother. It’s pathetic anyway, more pathetic than having smeared lip gloss on his mouth that he hasn’t wiped off. He knows he shouldn’t be so immature – he’s twenty years old. He’s old enough to be able to communicate, but no one’s been making it easy for him.

He has to decide whether he wants to be with you or just end it all before he feels any worse. 

As the saying goes, no pain – no gain.

Jungkook slides down the wall and sits next to you after trudging in your way. It’s silent at first, and he doesn’t return your gaze when you look at him. You wait, and so does he. But he’s more impatient than you are; more hurt. 

“What did you see in him, for God’s sake?” His voice is tired; words merely a sigh. You stay patient. “I mean, right after I opened up to you? Why?”

“I was paranoid,” you croak quietly, as if you’re about to faint, “terrified of you being with someone else. Maybe if you felt what I felt…”

He lightly shakes his head. “No, you didn’t think of that on your own. You didn’t kiss him either.” You lean your head on his shoulder. “You didn’t want to smoke, didn’t want any of this to happen. What are you doing, my love?”

You sigh. “I didn’t do anything. I don’t do anything.” The issue is that you let yourself be manipulated and molded into anything Jungkook likes, but he’s never told you what he likes. “All I know is loving you. That’s it,” you shrug tiredly, “that’s all I do. Everything I do, I do for you.”

“I’ll ask you for one thing– okay, two. Scrub your fucking lips and never talk to that piece of shit again. I’m not friends with good people,” he turns to you, “I don’t want you around them. I’m stuck in a constant cycle of toxicity and you’re the only good fucking thing in my life right now. I don’t want you to smoke or talk with my friends.”

“Then why do you?”

He stammers, “I-I’m used to it, I don’t fucking know. I know how to protect myself, but you’re too… untainted for them. Look at us, we don’t even fucking dress similarly. You and I have nothing in common.” He huffs to himself and looks up to the sky. “If you know what’s good for you–”

“You are good for me,” you interject.

“Don’t fucking lie to yourself,” he scoffs at you, “I’m anything but good for you. Do I give a fuck though? No. I’m selfish, and I don’t want to lose you. But if you–”

“I don’t.”

“Okay.”

Another moment of silence passes. He’s the one to break it again. “I don’t want to have an issue like this ever again. No more infidelity, or whatever the fuck, no more silence. Communication, right?”

“Right. And no more getting involved with your social life.”

“Thank you,” he bows his head and licks his lips with a sigh. “I can’t deal with this again. I don’t want to leave like my dad, whore around like my mom; I just want to have normal fucking relationship problems.” His anxiety translates to his body language: nibbling, knee bouncing, cracking knuckles. He doesn’t like to talk about his family, friends or even you. You’re calmer in comparison. “Tell me… we’ll start over.”

“I’m not resetting my love for you,” you playfully nudge him.

The corner of his mouth curls. “Not like that. Let’s go back to you doing my homework.”

“Really?”

“I missed a fucking assignment today, okay?” he laughs. “I want to forget about all of this sad shit, you ever meeting my friends, Sooyen or whatever, all of it. Just you and me, okay?”

“Set our own pace,” you add with a nod. “No one interfering with our… bullshit.”

“Don’t fucking swear,” he puts a hand over your mouth and pushes your face with a wide grin. You giggle with him. 

Now that Taehyung and Soyeon’s over, there’s nothing left to chance with the involvement of someone else. Trust blooms instead, and it’s not so bad when Jungkook shares a cigarette with you as you take tiny puffs per his instruction. You are safe with him; not dizzy, lightheaded, manipulated, nothing. 

You’re happy, and so is he. Maybe that was the intention, but it means nothing. Taehyung sought vengeance through your relationship, and that’s that. No one can hold Jungkook against you when he’s in the palm of your hands, ready to tell you more than anyone else can offer. 

Jungkook’s love and trust: check.

When he flicks off the ash of his cigarette, you snuggle into him and whisper, “I love you daddy.” His ring glimmers under the moonlight as he pets your hair.

“Love you more, babygirl.”

[butterflydm]

incomplete list of things i would enjoy being updated in rafe’s WoT

1. Get rid of all the spanking, which rode a very uncomfortable line of not being clear if it was punishment or kink and it all kinda felt poorly defined and honestly screwed up what I think RJ was trying to say about the various relationships and dynamics in the book. And there was just way too much of it in any case. So far, I don’t think we have any mention of corporal punishment in the show, so I will take that as A Good Sign.

2. Trim out the random pairings thrown in later on -- Thom/Moiraine, Siuan/Gareth, Morgase and her guard (Tallanvor, I think?) are the ones that most immediately spring to mind. Not enough build-up. Weird tropes involved. Just chuck ‘em out, I say. I feel like they’re already going to do this one; after giving such intense scenes out to Moiraine and Siuan, it’s hard to envision them deciding to go with another pairing for either of those characters.

3. Berelain vs Faile. Like, if you’re going to change Perrin’s story like you did in episode one, I feel like it should at least give us a free ‘get rid of Berelain’s Faile storyline’ card. Berelain as a character I don’t mind, but I dislike almost every storyline she gets, lol. (also, I think Faile is probably going to come across more sympathetically on-screen than in the book, since we won’t be viewing her through Perrin’s Smell-O-Vision and getting an instant update every time she has a flash of jealousy). Also, it would not be a bad thing for Perrin and Faile’s romance to take longer before they end up together. Perrin has several books where he has literally nothing to do; stretching his story out is a good thing.

4. Tylin and Mat. Either give Mat a different reason to stick around the city or make it so blindingly obvious how horrible the situation is that absolutely no one can question it. Because the book dances around it way too much, imo. Related: maybe they can make Tuon and Mat less depressing for me? I love Mat and I just hate how I kinda feel like Tylin’s abuse existed to soften up Mat for Tuon. Or just make Mat/Tuon a purely political/mystical/symbolic marriage and stick Mat into the polycule. Less likely but I would certainly enjoy it. Maybe I’ll write it, once we meet the other players in the polycule.

5. They already seem to have done this so far but: the overprotectiveness of the Two Rivers’ men towards women could do with massive amounts of toning down. It doesn’t make any cultural sense! Toss it away, please! You can still give Rand issues re: the Maidens if you feel like you need to, just base it on the family/culture connection instead.

6. I’m torn on how I’d prefer Elayne’s brothers be handled. It is hilarious to me that both Rand and Egwene get involved romantically with the same family? Though Egwene really gets a raw deal in comparison to Rand, since Elayne got all the competence in the family (though Gawyn does have an equal share of the impulsive recklessness, I guess!). Do we need both brothers? They do serve very different roles later on, so maybe. It probably depends on whether or not they plan on doing Morgase’s storyline.

7. I re-read some bits of Lord of Chaos to refresh my memory of Alanna and That Thing She Does, and then Dumai’s Wells, and I’d forgotten that Elayne straight-up sends Min to Rand while Elayne has the full knowledge of what Min’s visions about them mean, which just reminded me of how incredibly easy it would be to make the relationship a true balanced polyam quad (which is what it basically was in my head anyway), anyway I’m saying Elayne should kiss Min before Rand does. That’s what this point is.

8. Fascinated by what Lan being a bit softer in the show means for Rand adopting his hardness. I’m very curious about the potential knock-on effect of that. I wonder if they’ll keep Rand softer in the show until we get to Dumai’s Wells to show a greater contrast after his abuse at the hands of the Aes Sedai? Will they give him another reason to harden himself off? Will Lan give that advice anyway? Maybe Rand will take after Moiraine more instead, with her web of secrets, since they did show him softening towards her in episode six after she heals Mat. I’m just very very interested in how Rand’s character changes will be handled -- though he’s been relatively in the background (compared to being the main PoV in the first book), his characterization has been rock-solid to who he is, so I’m just very intrigued as to where they plan on going from here.

[earnestly-endlessly]

hey!! Your fic recommendations are always elite–I was wondering if you had any kid fics, thank you <3

Hi anon. I have plenty of kid fics for you. Since you didn't quite specify what kind of kid fic you wanted I decided to divide it into fics where Charles and Erik are kids or get deaged and fics that involve kids. This is kind of a long list so I hope that there are plenty of new fics for you to read.

Cherik Kid Fic

--They are kids or get deaged--

Conspiracy of Kisses - Alaceron

Summary: Seven-year-old Erik needs to keep his telepathic best friend Charles from finding out that he wants to kiss him. But that's okay, because he has a plan - he'll put on a tinfoil hat.

Chasing After You - Alaceron

Summary: Charles isn't very good at tag. Erik helps

We’ll be the sum - afrocurl, ninemoons42

Summary: In between bouts of blanket burrito-ing and vegging out on movies, Charles and Erik figure out how they currently feel about each other.

Of course, they're schoolboys and they're on a sleepover and also Edie dotes on them both excessively, so things work out just fine.

Growing pains - ikeracity

Summary: Twelve-year-old Erik Lehnsherr is an angry, closed-off foster kid with trust issues and a bad temper. Ten-year-old Charles Xavier is a lonely kid in boarding school who just wants a friend.

Logan pretends he doesn't think they're both fucking adorable.

Valentine’s day – ikeracity

Summary: Kid fic! Erik waits impatiently all day at school to give Charles a card for Valentine's Day. Maybe Charles has something for him too...?

Now You Know You Know it Now – luninosity

Summary: Erik’s not sure why he keeps glancing at the other boy. Not as if Erik likes other kids, or other people in general, for that matter. But still—he finds himself looking. Again.

This Family Comes with Batteries - Fishwrites, lynneh

Summary: An orphaned Charles Xavier goes to live with his Godfather: Tony Stark. This story is a tale of what would have happened to the events of MCU, if Tony was raising a six year old telepath in Stark Tower. There is also the matter of Charles' robot AI manny/bodyguard/tutor/only-friend, David.

You’re Not Doing This Alone – flightinflame, Lynds

Summary: What's meant to be a simple recruitment mission leads to both Erik and Charles being de-aged back to thirteen years old. Terrified and out of their depth, the boys try to hide their situation and help each other until they can work out what is going on.

Charles Xavier, A Retelling – Extra_fried_noodles

Summary: An attempt to reverse his paralysis goes wrong, and Charles is de-aged into a 2 year old toddler. While Hank scrambles to fix the situation, the whole gang is here to help. Through a mix of selective memory, they watch Charles relive his childhood, revealing some deeply hidden and painful truths.

Protective Instinct – Groovyhornbill

Summary: Charles and Erik were testing Cerebro’s new prototype when things went very wrong.

Divergence – Lynds

Summary: Universes and timelines collide, dropping two younger versions of Charles Xavier into the midst of the hunt for Sebastian Shaw. Now the newly formed X-men have to deal with a strangely quiet and self-reliant six year old, and a sixteen year old covered in bruises.

Erik, in particular, has to accept that the man he loves hasn't had the kind, happy upbringing he wished for him. But these children are here now, and Erik's not going to let anyone hurt them this time.

--Where they have kids--

Sink or Swim – endingthemes

Summary: Erik is a struggling single dad of three kids with a burning hatred for Sebastian Shaw, the man who wronged him years ago. He’s tried to move on with his life, but a run-in with Shaw’s rude, spoiled omega, Charles, drags up old anger. When Charles ends up in the hospital after an accident, Erik goes to confront him only to find that Charles has amnesia. In the confusion, Charles mistakenly assumes that Erik is his mate.

Erik knows he should clear up the misunderstanding, but how can he pass up this perfect chance for a little revenge?

(An Overboard AU)

Rumor Has It - blueink3

Summary: "Did I hear the doorbell earlier?"

"Yeah, but I'd steer clear if I were you. It seemed a little tense. I don't know what's going on, but there's a kid out there who looks freakily like the prof."

Nearly six months after Cuba, Charles' life is turned upside down for the second time. Though he's slowly learning to adapt to the first, he's not sure he can handle the second. Luckily for him, there are a few people out there more than willing to help.

Words and Pictures – pocky_slash

Summary: When Lorna's powers manifest early, Charles Xavier's mutant picture books are the perfect teaching tool. Erik just hadn't expected the author to be so young. Or attractive. Or available.

Write this number down (you can call it anytime) – pocky_slash

Summary: When Erik upsets his children, they have a habit of running away from home--and straight to Charles' school for cookies and consolation. Charles doesn't mind the visitors, but as they appear more and more frequently, he realizes that sooner or later, he and Erik are going to have to talk about what happened on the beach and what it means for their future and the future of Erik's children.

Dress Your Family in Plaid and Skinny Jeans – cygnaut

Summary: Erik and Charles meet at the mutant playgroup/parenting support circle and they instantly hit it off. And so do their kids, Lorna and David.

Not What I was Expecting (So Much Better) – lazulisong

Summary: Erik, the single father, hires Charles, the grad student with the slightly shady past, to be his manny.

Heli Cases – Black_Betty

Summary: "Heli Cases" is a program on PBS whose aim is to educate on the rapidly increasing occurrence of genetic mutation in the general populous by breaking the complex science down into palatable, easy to digest pieces.

It is also the only thing that helps Erik get his fussy daughter to fall asleep.

(Featuring Dadneto, baby Lorna and the struggles of single fatherhood, and Charles as the host of a late night show about genetics.)

Doing Something for Yourself – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik is a hard working engineer and single dad, Charles runs a local Community Center where Wanda and Pietro spend their time after school. Erik accidentally makes Charles' acquaintance one Wednesday evening when he's running late from work. Erik has no idea if he stands a chance with his new acquaintance, but that isn't going to keep him from falling for the guy.

A Good Dad – listerinezero

Summary: Ten years later, Magneto has left the Brotherhood and Raven asks Charles to help her find him. Charles discovers that Erik is the single father of five year old twins Wanda and Pietro, and he is doing everything he can to keep them safe from his former enemies.

Take a Chance (On Me) – Ook

Summary: In which Charles, terrorised by his abusive ex, takes his young son to a small town in America, where they both settle down and make friends with their neighbours. Particularly the town mechanic, Erik, and his foster son, Alex. Requester stated they wanted to "drown in H/C. "

Can’t Buy Me Love – niniblack

Summary: Erik's a single dad struggling to make it work and nab the promotion he's been waiting for. The last thing he needs is to get involved with politician and notorious playboy Charles Xavier.

(The Maid in Manhattan pastiche that no one asked for.)

Ohana – royal_chandler

Summary: Erik's children are absolute hellions. If by hellions, one means children who are incredibly protective of their new family unit and won't let a few household mishaps get in the way of keeping it together.

One Second and a Million Miles – magneto

Summary: Between being a parent to the best baby in the history of man-kind and co-running a Mutant Center in Hell's Kitchen, Erik Lehnsherr has his hands pretty full. Too full, certainly for romance; something that has never really been on his radar to begin with.

All that changes, however, when he meets Dr. Charles Xavier. Handsome, intelligent, capable, kind, an Omega level telepath, and one of the best pediatricians in the state, he's everything Erik didn't know he was looking for. But he's also Lorna's pediatrician which means, of course, he's off-limits. Except how is Erik supposed to try and forget his crush when he and Charles keep running into each other as if fate is trying to tell them something? When, as Charles says, they seem to want the same thing?

Her Only Mutations Were Her Blue Eyes and Her Auburn Hair – Pookaseraph

Summary: While sneaking back out of Russia, Erik and Charles stumble across Anya, Erik's presumed dead daughter, and it changes quite a few little things along the way. Fluffy, self-indulgent, fix-it.

Despicably Yours – Cesare, veryorangecat

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr, AKA Magneto, is a supervillain without equal... except maybe one: Charles Xavier, AKA Professor X, AKA Erik's next door neighbor. When their competition heats up, Erik decides the only way to get ahead is to adopt four mutant orphans to infiltrate Charles's mansion.

Things don't go as planned.

The Wrong Impression – Rosawyn

Summary: Charles is trying to balance the responsibilities of his career with his responsibilities as a single father to a tiny baby. It's not something he ever thought he'd have to do, and it's not as easy as those women on the internet make it look! He does't have much of a social life (unless talking to his sister on the phone and attending a parents' class where he's the only guy count), and he doesn't even have time to think of dating. He's just trying to keep his job - and keep his son fed and healthy.

Marrying a Mob – Ook

Summary: Charles is a teacher at a very exclusive school. When armed men burst in on the trail of two children, of course he stands up to them and gets hurt. The children are Erik Lehnsherr's children (of course); a "prominent businessman" or, less politely, "mobster".

Erik is grateful to Charles for saving his children's lives at the cost of his kneecap. So very grateful.

Naturally he tries to reward Charles for his actions. Equally naturally, Charles will be having none of that.

Azazel finds the whole thing unspeakably hilarious. Naturally.

[nerdzzone]

-More Hearts Than Mine-

Summary: Raising a child is hard. Raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars is even harder. And raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars who you’re not actually in a relationship with is even harder still.

Especially when a global pandemic is sweeping the world.

With lockdowns and stay at home orders looming on the horizon, the uncertainty of their situation becomes almost too much for Whitney Taylor to handle. Chris suggests that they quarantine together to avoid any potential separations but, given what happened the last time they spent more than a few brief moments in each other’s company, that could cause more problems than it solves…

Chris Evans x OFC

Sequel to: Once Bitten - Twice Shy

Part Two

____

Part Three

I did my best to take Scott's words to heart. It was eye-opening and, while it didn't change my concerns about how Grayson would be affected, it helped me soften my guard a little bit when it came to Chris.

We were both in over our heads, stuck with feelings that we didn't know what to do with and insecurities that left us unable to fight for what we wanted. I had doubts and I had questions, but if what Scott had divulged was true then I did have some sympathy for Chris because I knew exactly how he'd been feeling for the last few years.

So, I decided to talk to him. To hash it out, lay it all on the table and see what he had to say. I wasn't entirely sure I would change my mind about the situation, but I wanted to give him a chance to explain his thoughts and feelings unlike how I'd shut the conversation down after Christmas.

But I didn't count on how chaotic it was to be trapped in a house, all day every day, with a child who was almost three. Even with three adults, there were days when it felt like we were the ones who were outnumbered as we took turns trying to keep him constantly entertained and stimulated. To our credit, it was working and we were managing to keep Grayson from being bored, anxious to go out to a park or noticing that things were all that different, but it meant that I had no time or energy to deal with heavy conversations. Things were fine between Chris and I, we were getting along well enough with no more noteworthy disagreements, but there hadn't been a good time for any kind of heart-to-heart.

Things only got more complicated about a week and a half into our lockdown when Chris had to start doing interviews. He had a new show, Defending Jacob, coming out in a few weeks and he had to start the promo for it.

Most people who were working from home these days with small children running around had way more difficult situations to balance than we did, but we knew it would be tricky to keep Grayson from getting curious and barging into an interview. He'd proven to be quite sneaky when he wanted to be and Chris was anxious about the whole thing. He wasn't a big fan of interviews at the best of times so doing it over Zoom made him even more nervous. He spent the whole morning fretting about it being awkward, concerned that he wouldn't be able to relax and act natural, and it seemed like he was channelling his anxiety into his worries about Grayson. He very much liked to be in control of what the world saw of Gray and having him crash an interview wasn't what he wanted. I completely agreed and assured him several times that I wouldn't let that happen, but I could tell he was still stressed about it as he dragged himself off to get ready.

For the first hour or so that Chris was working, things went well. We read a story and played with some Lego, activities that wouldn't get Grayson too excited and noisy, but when Scott suggested that he curl up on the couch and watch Finding Nemo with him, we ran into a problem.

"Okay!" Grayson cheered, jumping up from where we'd been playing on the floor. "Be right back!"

He took off down the hall and I leapt into action, calling his name and stopping him just as he got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Where are you going, buddy?"

"To get my bear!"

Grayson's room was upstairs, next to Chris' office. He knew where Chris was so I knew there was a good chance he would stop by to say hello on his way past the door.

"Why don't you go get settled on the couch with Uncle Scott and I'll get your bear so you don't miss any of the movie?" I suggested. "Is he in your room?"

"No," he shook his head. "He's in Daddy's office."

I held back a groan, knowing that Gray would not be happy if I explained that he couldn't have his bear for the movie because we weren't allowed in Daddy's office right now. But I also knew that now he'd decided that he wanted to watch a movie, it wasn't likely that he would settle doing anything else either.

"Well, Daddy's very busy in his office right now," I explained. "But I'll go upstairs and see if I can sneak in and get him, okay?"

Grayson agreed to that suggestion and ran off back towards the living room as I glanced at the clock on the wall quickly and hoped that Chris was between interviews. I knew he wouldn't be done for the day just yet, but he had a few lined up so there was a chance that he wasn't currently on a call.

As soon as I pressed my ear to the door of Chris' office, my hopes were dashed. I could hear the sound of laughter echoing through from his laptop so I knew he was in the middle of something, but just as I was about to walk away I heard something that caught my attention.

"You have a son of your own, don't you?" The interviewer asked and I cringed, knowing that it wasn't something Chris liked to discuss. His character in the show was a father though so I wasn't surprised it had come up, it gave them a segue that they hadn't really had before. "How is that going with this lockdown?"

Ever the professional, Chris didn't even hesitate before he answered even though I knew he would be annoyed by the line of questioning.

"Oh, it's great! He's staying with me until all this is over so it's great that we get to spend so much time together," he told the interviewer. "I'm lucky enough to be in a situation where I can just take a few months off until things cool down without too much worry so we've just been relaxing, building blanket forts, watching movies and getting in some bonding time that I miss out on when I'm busy. It's had some challenges, but it's been really nice."

I knew I shouldn't be listening, it was rude to eavesdrop even if the conversation would shortly be broadcast to the whole world, but again, the interviewer's next question had me too intrigued to walk away. Despite all the talking points that he could have chosen from Chris' answer, he zeroed in on one thing.

"He's staying with you for the entire lockdown? Is there a rekindled romance we don't know about?" He asked. "Or is his mother no longer in the picture?"

My jaw dropped. I didn't know who Chris was talking with today, but it wasn't like his team to set him up for any interviews where he would be asked questions like that and most interviewers were too polite to fish for the kind of gossip you'd find in a trashy magazine.

"Oh, I'm not gonna get into all that." Chris' tone was much more clipped than it had been moments before - he was clearly not impressed by the question either. "It's not anyone's business really, is it? But I will say that she is definitely in the picture and one of the best moms that I know. She's staying here with us too."

My heart melted a bit at his compliment even though I knew the words he added at the end meant that we were in for a whole new gossip storm.

It suddenly felt like I really was overstepping by standing at the door listening to this conversation without his knowledge so I headed back downstairs. As I got back into the living room, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a message to Chris:

It would appear that you have a stowaway. I know you're busy, but please return Mr. Bear at your earliest convenience.

I put my phone away as I explained the situation to Grayson, but luckily, he was too interested in the movie to pay much attention to what I'd said. By the time Chris came down with the bear, it was like he'd forgotten that he ever cared about it in the first place.

Most of my attention was on Chris at that point though. The way he scurried into the room, avoiding looking in my direction at all. He looked ashamed and withdrawn and I couldn't hold back a sigh when he left the room quickly as I knew that he was beating himself up over the conversation that he didn't even know I'd heard.

-

Chris was sullen for the rest of the day. He perked up around Grayson, but whenever Gray was distracted there was a scowl or a frown firmly planted on his face. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how without confessing that I'd overheard his interview. Given his mood and the ease with which we fell into disagreements these days, that seemed like it would cause more issues than it would help.

The news broke at about eleven that night and I knew because I was suddenly inundated with texts from friends and with follower requests on my private social media accounts. I pulled up the video and watched the interview, feeling another wave of empathy when I saw the annoyance written all over Chris' face as he answered the questions. He'd found a subtle way to shut the interview down almost immediately after the incident and I was proud of him for handling it so diplomatically.

I added it to the list of things that I needed to talk to Chris about whenever I got the chance as I pulled myself away from my laptop and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed. However, when I got into the hallway, I noticed a light coming up from downstairs. As far as I knew, everyone had gone to bed almost an hour ago, but I had a good idea whose thoughts would be keeping them awake so I headed down to investigate.

My suspicions were confirmed as I walked into the living room and saw Chris on the couch, his phone in his hand and his brow furrowed.

"Uh oh," I started, making his eyes snap up towards me. "Are you doomscrolling?"

The angry look on his face softened slightly as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Doomscrolling?"

"Yeah," I shrugged with a smile. "That's what the kids call it these days when you spend too long scrolling through the news or Twitter, just soaking in all the bad shit in the world."

Chris chuckled as I moved into the room and sat on the opposite end of the couch that he was on, tucking my feet underneath me.

"I didn't know you were so down with the kids these days."

"I'm getting old, Chris. I'm almost thirty-two, I have to stay cool somehow." I shot him a wink. "But anyway, what are you reading that's making you look so grumpy?"

Chris sighed and locked his phone, putting it on the end table next to the couch.

"I said something in an interview today," he admitted. "Something that I shouldn't have said."

I watched him for a moment, waiting for him to look at me and elaborate, but when he didn't, I spoke up.

"I hope you're not about to tell me that you regret saying what a good mom I am or I'll be really disappointed..."

That comment brought Chris' gaze back to me, his shock evident on his face until it faded into a grimace.

"You heard what I said?"

"I watched the video," I admitted. "I had a flurry of Instagram activity that tipped me off."

"You didn't read the comments, did you?"

There was worry written all over Chris' face when I shrugged.

"Of course I did. Can't have my self-esteem getting too high, can we?" I was teasing, but his look of gloom only deepened. "Chris, it doesn't matter. I'm no supermodel, they're not saying anything I don't already know."

"See, this is what bothers me," Chris snapped. "My so-called 'fans' are out there spewing all this crap about you and you're acting like it's all true, so who cares? Well, I care because it's bullshit and you don't deserve it!"

"I didn't mean it like that," I assured him, keeping my voice quiet in an attempt to cool the situation.

We'd been here many times over the years and I knew how enraged the comments made Chris. He saw right through me, he knew that I took some of the things that had been said to heart, but who wouldn't? It's hard not to take it personally when someone points out your biggest insecurities, the things that you hope no one else notices, the things that you tell yourself can't possibly be true or as bad as you think in your head. It's impossible not to let it get to you a little bit, but I was well practiced at dealing with it and had grown a thicker skin.

At least, when it came to the comments about my appearance. The comments about how I'm not good enough and how Chris could do better always struck a cord, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

"No?" Chris huffed. "What did you mean then?"

"That I know I'm an easy target because I'm not stick thin with a boob job," I answered, wanting to diffuse the situation before Chris got too upset. "They're cruel and mean, but they're just jealous because they think their dream boyfriend is taken now."

"Well, anyone who claims to be a real fan of mine wouldn't talk like that about someone I care about," he grumbled. "I shouldn't have answered, I should have just ignored the question."

"Actually, I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you set the record straight rather than have everyone think I've abandoned my child. I would probably get even more hate for that."

"He shouldn't have even asked about it," Chris continued. "It was so out of line. Why can't people just mind their own business?"

"Because everyone adores you and has a burning desire to know everything about you," I teased, stretching my feet out to nudge his leg gently. His lips twitched briefly into a smile, but it faded as fast as it appeared. "Even my friends were all messaging me, asking if it was true like gossiping teenage girls. Everyone wants the Chris Evans scoop."

That comment earned me a chuckle and I relaxed slightly, hoping that he was starting to calm down.

"I'm sure your friends were more interested in the gossip about your life, not because of me."

"I dunno," I shrugged. "They always liked you."

Chris smiled, but a sigh slipped from his lips as he draped his arm over my feet where they rested on the couch next to him. We sat quietly for a moment as I continued watching him, wishing there was something I could say to ease the worry in his mind, but his next words left me a little bit speechless.

"I do get it, you know?" He said, his eyes still fixed firmly on the ground in front of him. "I get why you wouldn't want to be with me. I get that it's a lot to deal with."

My heart sank at his admission and I scrambled to figure out what to say.

It wasn't ideal - discussing our relationship, while he was already feeling quite murderous - but he'd brought it up and it was hard to say when we'd get another chance. Once again, I found myself fighting the urge to bolt for the door, but I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, hoping that this would be a civil conversation.

"Chris, it's not that," I insisted, my voice soft in what I hoped would be a soothing tone. "Maybe they didn't do anything to ease my concerns, but the bullies on the internet aren't what scared me away."

"No?" His eyes flicked up to meet mine. "Then what did?"

He sounded so defeated and I bit my lip to keep my emotions from bubbling up. The truth was that I didn't know where to start. There was too much floating around my head, too many questions and too many explanations that made less sense now that I knew what I knew after speaking with Scott. I was scared, but it was a very justified fear that could only be made sense of by answering his question with another question.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were in love with me?"

Chris raised an eyebrow, but shrugged off the question.

"You didn't seem like you wanted to hear it, Whitney. I told you that I was all in after Christmas and you shut me down pretty fast," he pointed out. "I didn't think blurting out a confession of love would do much to change that."

Had that been what I was referring to, it would have been a fair argument. However, I was referring to long before our latest incident so I shook my head.

"I talked to Scott," I confessed as a slight look of betrayal slid onto Chris’ face. "Don't be mad, he'd had a few drinks and was feeling sentimental. He told me that you were in love with me long before Grayson was even in the picture, but you never told me."

"I slept with you, didn't I?" He questioned, a defensiveness creeping into his tone. "Doesn't that make someone's feelings pretty fuckin' clear?"

"Hardly," I scoffed. "People sleep with people they're not in love with all the time and it becomes even less clear when they meet up afterwards to have a discussion about their relationship and that someone makes no mention of being in love."

"Was it really a discussion? Or did I show up at your apartment just to hear you lay out the ground rules?"

I faltered slightly as I thought back, but after a moment of reflection, I nodded.

"It was a discussion."

"I believe the first words out of your mouth were 'I think we both know that we're better off as friends'," he informed me. "Doesn't leave much room for debate."

"I was scared." That confession came out less confidently, but I found my voice again quickly. "And I assumed that's what you wanted too because you never pushed back."

He cocked his head to the side, a hint of a smirk on his face.

"You weren't the only one who was scared."

"I was the only one who was pregnant," I retorted, my tone growing harsher as my frustrations started to rise. "I was the only one who was trying to make a massive life decision while hormonal and growing another human being inside of them."

"That's fair," Chris nodded, his voice much calmer than I expected after my burst of annoyance. "But I wasn't about to pour my heart out and tell you how I felt when you kept talking about what a mistake we'd made as if you'd never regretted anything more in your life."

"Getting pregnant was a mistake," I clarified. "I love Grayson and I wouldn't change it for anything, but we can't say it wasn't a mistake at the time given our situation."

"A situation that you didn't want to change."

"Only because you never told me how you felt," I shot back. "I didn't want you to commit to something out of a sense of obligation. I didn't want you to put up with me for a few years until you dumped me for someone more in your league who you actually cared about."

There was a look of surprise on Chris' face at that revelation as it became more and more obvious to both of us that we hadn't been as good at communicating as we may have thought. It seemed we'd both been so convinced that we knew exactly how the other person felt that we hadn't bothered to actually ask them.

"But I did care about you," he assured me. "And you never told me how you felt either."

"I slept with you, didn't I?"

There was a smirk on my face as I threw his words back at him despite the anxiety that was bubbling inside me.

"A wise woman just informed me that sleeping with someone doesn't necessarily mean anything," he teased, a soft smile on his face. "But I think it's safe to say that we were both cowards."

"Again, in my defence, I was pregnant," I reminded him. "I was trying to make a logical decision while my brain was muddled with hormones."

"But you could have told me after," he pointed out. "We lived together for year after he was born, Whitney, and you never even dropped a hint."

"Oh, please," I snorted out a harsh laugh. "Do you remember what that year was like? We had a newborn baby who never slept for more than ten minutes at a time and you were flying in and out for the first six months, filming one of the Avengers movies. I was delirious, exhausted and emotionally wrecked. I wasn't in the right head space to give much thought to our relationship."

"So, if I had made a move back then? Would it have made a difference?" He asked. "Because it didn't seem to matter much a few months ago."

This was the real issue at hand.

It was all well and good to talk about the past and how we'd managed to come this far so oblivious to each other's feelings, but the real discussion was where we were at now. And the truth was, that I didn't know.

I opened my mouth to answer, but shut it as my words escaped me. I shifted nervously, shrugging under his stare until a sigh fell from my lips.

"I'm not sure anymore," I admitted. "If you'd told me how you felt back then, if you fought for us to be together then I might've been swayed."

"But now?"

"Now, I think we made the right decision for Grayson."

Chris was still staring me down, his eyes locked on mine as if he was looking into my soul. It was an intensity that was hard to endure and I was relieved when he spoke again, despite how his words made my heart ache.

"But what about the right decision for us?"

"That's not what's important," I insisted. "I've seen so many of my friends struggle through their parents' bitter divorces, I don't want that for Gray. I don't want us to lose our ability to work as a team and put him first."

"Yeah, you mentioned that several times," Chris huffed. "But I don't see why you're so fuckin' convinced that we'd end up hating each other."

His frustration and impatience was shining through and I felt my panic rising again. Chris had made his stance clear and I knew I needed to make a decision soon or my lack of decision would decide for me, but I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thought of not being with Chris made my heart ache especially now that I knew the extent of his feelings, but the thought of being with him and the consequences that could come from that set every anxious nerve in my body on edge.

I found myself scrambling for something to say that was non-committal, but would placate the situation. I floundered until, fortunately, a tiny voice from the doorway saved me.

"Daddy said a bad word..."

I leapt off the couch, desperate for any excuse to get away and Chris raised his eyebrow at my swift reaction. I ignored him as I looked at Grayson, who was rubbing his eyes with one hand and clutching his bear in the other. He looked so small, standing there in his little flannel pajamas and I smiled at the sight.

"That is a bad word," I agreed. "Daddy shouldn't have said it. But what are you doing up?"

"I had a bad dream."

His voice was small as he was still half asleep and Chris stood, following me over as I walked towards him.

"I'm sorry to hear that, buddy," he said, lifting him up in his arms. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Grayson shook his head. "It was scary."

"Awe, I'm sorry, sweetheart," I frowned as I rubbed his back, my heart melting at how small he looked in Chris' arms. "Do you want me to tuck you back in or Daddy?"

He rested his head on Chris' chest and pulled his bear so close that his answer got muffled by the stuffed animal's fur.

"I want to sleep in Daddy's bed..."

I looked up at Chris, letting him decide if that was okay, but he was already nodding his head.

"Sure, we can do that," he assured him. "But don't hog all the blankets this time, okay?"

Grayson giggled and I smiled as they headed to the door.

"Goodnight, boys," I called to them before they disappeared. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight." Chris paused to answer me and flashed me a look that made me feel like a schoolgirl being scolded by the principal. "This conversation isn't over."

It felt like a foreboding warning and it left me so flustered that all I could do was nod before he turned and continued on his way to his bedroom.

He was right.

Our conversation couldn't end there unless we wanted another four years of miscommunication and mutual longing, but I didn't know what to do. I wasn't trying to be difficult, but both options seemed destined to lead to heartache. Of course, I had no evidence to prove that we wouldn't live happily ever after, but he was Chris Evans. He was the man that women all over America, all over the world, would kill to be with. And I was just me. Once I fell off whatever pedestal he'd put me on in his mind and he realized how ordinary and unremarkable I was, it wouldn't last.

And I couldn't spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

With a sigh, I headed to the stairs. My head was a mess despite my hopes that talking to Chris would bring me some clarity. It seemed I was starting a pattern of coming away from late night conversations with more questions than answers, but I was beginning to think that might be due to the fact that I would never be told what I wanted to hear. No one could make this decision for me and no one could make it a fool proof choice.

There was always a risk when it came to love. I just had to decide if that risk was worth it and start being honest with myself about why I was so scared. Were my intentions really as noble as I wanted everyone to believe? Or was I using Grayson as a shield to protect my own heart from pain as much as his?

-

Part Four

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10

[c0smicheaux]

Synastry House Overlays-Sun in the houses

Synastry is the compatibility between two birth charts. Compatibility is much more than our sun signs, it’s also about where they land in our chart and how it affects us and how you affect them.

First House-

Having someone’s Sun in your first house can make house person feel like their life has lighten up, the house person is proud of Sun person that they want to show them off. There is just something about the Sun person that makes House person so energetic. Sun person really likes the house person over all including their style and appearance, they hype up the house person and can give them a inflated ego and encourages spontaneity. Both people have the same level of energy and behavior style, and with that can come some level of competitiveness between the two. And even with the competition, these two can bring out the best in each other. This is a common synastry for marriage. 

Second House-

This synastry overlay can be beneficial for house person, as the Sun person can give the house person fuel to become successful. Even with that energy from the Sun person, the house partner can still get a feeling like the house person wants something even though the Sun partner wants to help house explore their creativity and with achieving both of their goals. There is risk of becoming financially dependent on one another as both partners can be generous with each other. This isn’t necessarily a romantic synastry, but it can work. If there are negative aspects, there may be a more focus on material things and there could be resentment for material gain on either partner.

Third House-

Up late all night with nothing but talking. Having someone’s sun in the third house over lay brings stimulating conversations. There’s a similar intellectual interests and both partners could talk about trivia things all day and never get bored of each other. A strong mental connection comes with this over lay, unless badly aspected there is not many miscommunication between the two. Sun person makes the house person feel understood and appreciated and gets their gears going with debates. The Sun partner sees the house person as someone with good common sense and finds them to have some brilliance to them. They see the house person doing certain things right and they can find them a little predictable but they’re comfortable with that. A good synastry for writing partners. Romantic relationships are achievable with this overlay. 

Fourth House-

There is an instant connection when someone’s sun lands in another person’s fourth house. Sun person reminds the house person of someone they know or comfortable with and ends up providing some sort of safe place for the Sun person to be able to talk freely about deep family issues and such. These two can feel like they’ve known each other their whole lives, even just having met, there is a deep sense of familiarity that can’t be ignored. Sun person can feel like they are meant to be together and can become protective of the house person. The house person can feel the same way and just from being around the sun person they feel a sense of security. The feeling of home is what these two people feel like. This is a very strong overlay for marriage/long-term relationships, there may even be a strong desire to move in together quickly and build a home. 

Fifth House-

A very active, fun-having, and very social overlay. Having someone’s sun in the fifth house can push each other to have more fun than the other, hanging out all night whether its with just each other or at social events both partners will enjoy. They enjoy playing and hanging out each other and there is a genuine care feeling for one another. There is a risk of burn out or feeling frustrated with each other if other aspects don’t normally work out. Sun partner see house as a source of enjoyment and pleasure and they can wear rose-colored glasses and over look the house partner’s flaws. ’Beauty’ is what the house person thinks is when they see the Sun person, and the Sun person adores all the praise and admiration from house and has so much love for them. Both are able to enjoy each other romantically and sexually. A strong romantic and marital overlay, couple may even talk about having children together.

Sixth House-

There is a submissive feel when it comes to someone’s sun in the other person’s sixth house overlay, and no not what you think as in sexually. This is more of a boss/assistant type of relationship. The sun person gets weird feeling about how the house person goes about handling their daily tasks and tries to show them how to do things in a better way of handling them. Even though there is a chance for either partners to become the more submissive one, it’s usually the Sun person who becomes the submissive one. The house partner can micro-manage parts of the relationship even if they are enjoying the relationship with the sun. Having this overlay isn’t bad for a romance, but it is the best to have for a work relationship. If this is a work relationship, the house person could have hate towards the Sun person if they are a bad boss. 

Seventh House-

Seventh house Sun overlay makes an opposite attraction between partners. The Sun person is opposite the house person’s ascendant, and if it’s not badly aspected, these opposites complement each other. The Sun person feels like there is a lot in common with the house person and can become very supportive of them, while the house person sense more that there is truly something deep going on between each other. There is a deep movement of feelings within each other that these people are meant to be together, like a lost part of you has been missing and this person makes you feel whole and united as one person not just simply a pair. A very yin and yang type of relationship. The danger of this synastry is that the two people can become so lost in each other, losing balance, that there is a loss of personal identity and there could be rebellion against each other trying to find themselves again. A very strong commitment synastry for marriage. 

Eighth House-

If there is an eighth house over lay with the Sun in synastry, this is not a good synastry for faint-hearted people. A fear to be together that it almost feels bewitching. There is a deep mystery for the Sun person who is so captivated by the house person and even though the house partner can make the Sun person feel so unsettling, like something is telling them that the house partner is disturbing or too mysterious, the Sun person has a hard time trying to gain the will to leave. The house person awakens something in the Sun partner, something that not even the Sun person knew about, and wants to try to transform the Sun partner for the better, not everyone one surrounding the situation is going to be pleased by this. For the house partner, there is such a strong need for the Sun person that if the Sun partner wanted to leave, the house person may refuse to let go. There is an emotional dependency with these two people that it is scary for both partners.

Ninth House-

Similar world views and philosophies on a wide variety of subjects, novelty subjects and even deep religion views, there’s an expansion of knowledge and ideas when someone’s Sun is in another’s ninth house. The house partner stimulates new creativity in the Sun person with their own knowledge, while the Sun person helps the house partner open up to a whole new view of the world. There is a rise in adventurous attitude, a want to try new things with each other, even if there is a bit of risk to it, both partners feel like they have a whole new zest of energy they get from each other. This is a great synastry for educated friends and traveling synastry, even marriage.

Tenth House-

With having the Sun in the tenth house in synastry, this can be great for a couple who work together or even a political relationship. Each person admires the other’s looks and talents, and being with each other just feels more confident in the relationship. There is a chance that each other are able to help one another in their jobs. The Sun person helps the house be inspired with their career or creative work while the house person helps with lighten the work burden fears and limitations of the Sun partner. Even though this is not a very romantic overlay, one or both partners can look up to the other in awe and admiration.

Eleventh House-

These two can talk for days and share pretty similar ideas and can seem like they have a two-of-a-kind friendship. Even as lovers, they are both that and best friends, having the Sun in the eleventh house in overlays brings much support from both partners. The Sun partner shines and inspires the house person to go out and reach goals and become somewhat of a social asset for them, while the Sun partner feels comfortable around the house person and can feel at ease knowing they are with someone who can create this non-judgemental space for them. Even though this is not a deep emotional relationship synastry, still is a good aspect to have.

Twelfth House-

A mysterious house synastry with someone’s Sun in another’s twelfth house. There’s a mystical feeling about the house person, the Sun partner sees something in the house person may not realize, even if it’s against better judgement there’s a strong attraction. The Sun is just totally fantizied by the house partner. The house person can help the Sun discover hidden talents as well as help them use them depending on their intentions, sometimes they aren’t well. This is not a very public synastry for relationships, but both are comfortable enough to confide in each other about things they wouldn’t normally mention to anyone else. There may be a chance of intuitive connection between the two, this synastry has been considered a karmic connection from a past life that still needs healing. If this person came into your life at a certain point, it’s possible one or both needed some healing or helped in some way.

[autisticzukka]

what is this hakoda zuko arranged marriage you speak of? i am intrigued

okay so the long story short is that it’s a slight rebuttal of a popular post that is very fun but i find like... unrealistic in a really intriguing way like, how would this ACTUALLY play out. I’ve talked about it at length in my server a few times, and it’s one of those AU’s -- like the genderbend zukka ATLA rewrite or the zukki fic that starts with sokka failing to assassinate zuko -- that lives rent free in my head and I’ve written a couple thousand words for.

tw for like VERY unrequited zuko in love with hakoda and the inherent comedy of sokka being in love with his fire nation stepmom.

so here’s hakoda, chief of the southern water tribe, happily not-married to Bato. and here is a more balanced war, where the north and the south are actually  allies, rather than whatever the fuck they were in ATLA. Yue already has a fiance and the Northern chief refuses to remarry. that leaves hakoda responsible for biting the bullet and doing a political marriage even though, as he points out at length, he is an elected official and if he stops being elected it’s no longer a marriage with the chief of the south pole. intelligently but mostly selfishly motivated (yue’s fiance is his nephew, after all) pakku points out that its not like the fire nation knows... that. the fire nation is dumb. ozai’s stupid.

faced with such inarguable points hakoda stiffens his upper lip, pre-emptively ends things with bato on the understanding that if this is another kya situation they’ll get back together and that he’s still the most important person to him but the tribe comes first yada yada, and deals with katara throwing the mother of all tantrums. it is slightly softened by the fact that in return for him marrying the fire nation noble, a thing everyone can agree isn’t traditional, the north has finally agreed to train katara. she heads out before the wedding, in protest but also so as to not cause an international incident.

(on her way, she’ll find aang. with the war less dire, katara will be sympathetic towards his desire to live without committing violence, even if she deeply can’t relate. they’ll have a hot girl romcom summer of self discovery and coming to terms with the dichotomy between duty and love as they become master benders. at some point they pick up toph. they ARE a throuple.)

sokka meanwhile is like.. not cool with it.. but ? kind of relieved? like. he’s the eldest kid. he’s 18, and he’s been a man of the tribe as far as legalities for several years. it would have been entirely understandable if his dad had asked HIM to do it. he had his emotionally crushing romance with yue, and as much as he was like ‘im kind of a prince’, he finds he doesn’t actually want some of the responsibilities and demands that would bring. yue’s life sucks.

back in the fire nation, zuko never demanded a quest and never went on it. he’s spent years hardening into something that, while brittle, can survive the pressures of the court around him. he still has his scar. he still wants his father to love him, but he knows by now that it’s not something he’s capable of earning. he watches his sister, never the most stable person, start to have complete breakdowns of sanity once she hits puberty, and helps her cover for it and receive medical treatment on the down low. he’s the heir, but he lives knowing that if he was ever in a position to inherit his choices are to abdicate or have the baby sister who he raised kill him and destroy herself and the country in the process.

when he realizes the plan is to marry azula off rather than someone more reasonable-- mai is RIGHT there, for fucks sake-- he doesn’t realize ozai’s true intent is to fuck this up through malicious compliance and false shows of good faith. he panics, and does the zuko thing: he blurts out that this is unacceptable and immoral and she’s only 16 and Ozai sees the true opportunity for two birds with one stone. send zuko, let him piss someone off so badly he gets killed or divorced, and he gets rid of zuko from the line of succession permanently. there are those who are incredibly attached to teh idea of a firstborn for firelord, and it’s been a constant thorn in unpopular ozai’s side to nto be able to name azula his heir apparent without costly rebellion. but if he can taint him in the mind of the fire nation so much that birthright is easy to supercede-- yeah. this’ll work PERFECTLY.

so zuko is sent to marry hakoda, chief of the water tribe.

literally NO ONE was expecting it to be a member of Ozai’s immediate family. besides the fact that his oldest child is half hakoda’s age and his brother has 20 years on hakoda, it would have been sus as fuck - the treaty is not favorable enough to grant that kind of secession of interests. it becomes quickly apparent that this young man -- hakoda reminds himself of that repeatedly. not kid. not kid. young man. don’t think of him like a kid, it’s hard enough on both of us already. -- is not a horrible threat. he’s scared shitless and shakes with what he thinks is bravado. he’s desperate to make the marriage work. he’s desperate to not go home. he’s got a giant fucking scar on his face from where the fire lord punished him for some grievous but unstated offense.

zuko “daddy issues” fire nation sees his husband to be and, despite being scared shitless, immediately begins to soften a little. like... he’s not nearly as scary as he thought he’d be. his face can be stern, but it just as easily breaks into huge smiles, and his eyes are crinkled with laughter. he’s incredibly handsome. and his biceps are. his biceps. are. his hands are...

like. zuko thinks. okay. maybe. maybe his marriage duties. won’t be so horrible as he thought. maybe he’s ready for this. and he knows what to expect, Uncle had discreetly provided him the means and the contacts to acquire an intimate education in the whirlwind of activity that was the two months before leaving. and like, once he’d gotten past the nerves, it was often even... good? or at least... not bad? he thinks that even if hakoda isn’t a professional expert, he has a certain.... je ne sais quoi, if you will.

((DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF))

sokka sees his new stepfather and immediately falls in love because he’s that kind of dumb bitch. (the core of this au is that i cant breathe thinking about sokka falling in love with his hot young stepmom his age who his dad doesnt even want to fuck. like. i CANT. sokka masturbates to ‘hand caught in the washing tub’ fantasies which are even more absurd for requiring zuko to be DOING LAUNDRY. i find it so funny.)

bato watches them at the wedding feast while hakoda is very clearly trying to treat zuko as an Equal Adult Partner and mostly managing to seem like someone having a serious conversation with a seven year old about the game they’ve made up. zuko is clearly enamored with it, soaking up the attention, blushing and doing his best to Bravely Flirt, which at one point includes awkwardly attempting to feed Hakoda by hand. bato has to excuse himself to have a teary eyed giggle, hoping that Kya is in the spirit world looking down and laughing with him. he can’t resent the kid even a little bit, when hakoda is sitting there looking so incredibly fucking befuddled as to what he’s supposed to do with this star struck infant he’s legally wed to

anyways all of this... is very funny. their wedding night... is less so. zuko does not take the rejection from hakoda very well, especially because he’d been caught wanting. HE’S the one who should be rejecting hakoda. and he catastrophizes almost immediately about his potential value to the water tribe, his future treatment, that endless inescapable freezing cold loneliness is the good ending for him here... hakoda, meanwhile, drops zuko off at his home, reassuringly informs him that there’s NOTHING else expected of him and he will be well taken care of, and books it to bato’s. bato refuses to let him in on grounds of ‘you can’t sleep under the same shelter as me on your wedding night to that kid, have a fucking brain’, and he ends up crashing at sokka’s.

sokka, who had KNOWN that his dad wouldnt, but also upon seeing zuko and zuko’s awkward flirting was like... but how COULDNT he???? sokka is relieved.

the core of this fic is that i find it endlessly hilarious for zuko to try and seduce his husband while sokka simps around zuko and bato tries to be heartbroken or betrayed but mostly ends up with a giant case of hysterical schadenfreude. but the thing that CLINCHED it for me, like THE scene. several years after being married, settled into their life. they’re partners and they see each other as people. and zuko just fucking snaps one night

he just kisses him, desperate and clawing and climbing and maybe a little drunk. he knows hakoda is going to push him away, maybe even hit him, but he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care. he can do anything he wants to him as long as he just-- finally does something. zuko is 21 and married to the surface of the sun and the surface of the sun jr is his best friend and clearly in love with him-- so clearly not even zuko can miss it-- and like. listen. listen. zuko is not a patient person. but he’s been patient for this. he waited and he matured and he is a fucking amazing husband and he wants this, he wants him. he wants to be wanted.

but hakoda doesn’t push him away. hakoda doesnt yell at him, or hit him. hakoda gentles the kiss into something soft and closed lipped. he pulls away slowly, and his eyes are so sad for zuko, so pitying. he strokes his cheek with the back of his hand so gently. he says, I’m sorry. I don’t want you.

and zuko daddy issues fire nation swallows

and he nods

and he leaves, even though its his own fucking house

and he knows he’s never going to be good enough

like FUUUCK i am OBSESSED WITH THAT

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: Curves for Days by Laura Moher

3/5. Releases 8/22/2023 (audiobook).

For when you're vibing with... small town romance, heroes and heroines who are both plus size, and light enemies to lovers.

Rose is trying to rebuild her life in a new home; and that involves working with surly contractor Angus. Thing is, Angus is surly because he actually finds Rose super attractive and can't quite handle it. As the two slowly become friends, however, the attraction grows harder for him to fight. Of course, Rose is keeping quite a secret from him...

I wish I'd liked this more, and I respect that what this book is doing. The writing is solid. However, there were a few things that kept it from being for me--which doesn't mean it won't be for you.

Quick Takes:

--I have to be totally honest and say that I probably would not have requested this had I known that Angus was a veteran and counselor of veterans. I can read about fantasy soldiers and veterans, and historical (ideally pre-20th century) soldiers and veterans. Contemporary soldiers are just a no, and veterans.... are pretty tough too. Even more so when their veteran status is such a big part of their lives. My reasons are very personal (and somewhat political--but as the daughter of a veteran, mostly personal). It makes me uncomfortable, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't uncomfortable in basically every scene pertaining to Angus's status as a veteran and his counseling of other veterans. Not because they were wrong, or inaccurate, or offensive (to me). They were respectful, from what I could tell, and sensitively written. It is just a personal hangup for me, and I had a hard time focusing in scenes like that.

On that note, while Laura's website is totally upfront about this in comprehensive content warnings (which I so appreciate) I made the mistake of going off the Netgalley description (which I believe is the official description in general). That description mentions Angus feeling like he owes a debt to the world--not him being a veteran. Look, I know that "has hangups about the U.S. military" is probably not a common... trigger (although I know other readers with the same issue)? But I do think that when military culture is as prominent as it is in this book, readers should know off the bat. I am not the right reader for this book because of the military aspect. Sure, maybe I should've read other reviews, but this is a book that isn't even out yet, so giving it a fighting chance to find the right readers in every way seems pretty important to me.

--Like I said, the writing is solid, and the book is very sensitive in that it acknowledges fatphobia Rose in particular experiences, but doesn't super dwell on it. I liked notes about her being fit and fat, and I liked the pretty frank way in which Angus sexualized her body in his perspective, and vice versa. Sometimes it's just nice to read about people with more realistic, less-represented-in-romance bodies be horny about each other.

--You definitely get a full small town romance vibe with this, which I was hoping would work for me because I was excited about the rep... But unfortunately, it didn't. If you are into small town romances, though, this may definitely work for you.

--I will say: this is a solid audiobook in terms of narration, but to me, the male narrator sounded a bit older than what I imagined Angus to be. I mean, maybe that's just me; he had a lovely voice, it just felt like he was older than the story suggested.

--I think Moher does a really good job of balancing the bitter and the sweet and the dark and the light in this novel. There is a good bit of darkness. As a TW, there is a past experience that Rose realizes in retrospect was acquaintance rape.

The Sex Stuff:

This is definitely an open door romance in that there is sex on the page. It's not super intense, however, and if you enjoy a slow burn, congrats--it does take a good while to get there.

Again, this wasn't for me, but I don't think that has to do with the quality of the writing. And I really do appreciate the fat rep. Always nice to see.

Thanks to Netgalley and Dreamscape for providing me with a copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

[robininthelabyrinth]

If you write more for the NM/LW/WWX fic I would lose my entire mind

part 1, part 2

“You know that I was joking, right?” Nie Mingjue asked his younger brother, feeling a little bemused.

He’d only meant to tease a little: it hadn’t taken much time in Wei Wuxian’s presence to realize that the man was inclined towards physical contact with others that often blurred (or simply ignored) the line of propriety, so finding him having clambered into Lan Wangji’s lap to win an argument hadn’t been really a surprise – and neither was Lan Wangji’s reaction, which was to act as though Nie Mingjue had walked in on the two of them engaged in adultery.

Ah, the Lan sect and their rules.

Nie Mingjue was very bad at teasing, actually, a fact Nie Huaisang never failed to mock him over; he had very early on in life perfected an expression that revealed nothing and had somewhere along the line forgotten how to do anything else with his face, and so people invariably took him to have no sense of humor at all when that wasn’t the case at all.

He wasn’t sure if this counted as another instance of that.

Wei Wuxian was so enthusiastic about the idea, too – talking about how convenient it would be (for what?), the political benefits they would derive (never specified), and how it solved all the problems (there had been problems?) – and Lan Wangji was just bright red all the time, stealing glances underneath his lashes, and –

To be perfectly honest, Nie Mingjue had no idea how this had all happened.

Oh, the beginning had been clear enough. Nie Mingjue had never actually seriously considered the question of marriage, having always planned to leave the sect to his younger brother – no matter how Nie Huaisang protested, Nie Mingjue was determined that it would go to him in time, and to his children thereafter, and perhaps at last his ancestor’s line would no longer be afflicted with their hereditary rage which was only in part due to their cultivation style.

Since he didn’t intend to have children, he didn’t intend to marry – his choices were his own, and not something he would impose on a woman – and that had been that, at least until Jiang Cheng had burst in through his door with an ancient contract in hand.

A cutsleeve marriage hadn’t ever occurred to him as an option, but Jiang Cheng had been desperate, all but throwing himself down on his knees to ask that Nie Mingjue consider the proposal as the only means to save his shixiong and his sect, plus a political bargain besides.

It had seemed as decent an option as any. The love match between the Jin heir and the Jiang daughter was extremely convenient for the Jin sect; this would be a good way to balance things out, and keep the inexperienced and still healing Jiang sect from becoming mere weapons in the hands of Lanling Jin.

After thinking it over, Nie Mingjue had expressed his consent, agreed to handle all the arrangements, and then gone to tell Nie Huaisang about it.

“Are you sure about this?” Nie Huaisang had asked, oddly solemn and intense. “What about – the other parts of marriage?”

“Sex, you mean?” he’d replied. He’d faced up years ago to the fact that Nie Huaisang was an unusually avid collector (and a purveyor, at this point) of erotic art, and who even knew where he’d gotten the taste for it; it was easier to just be blunt and straightforward about this sort of thing than try to dance around the subject. “I’m willing to follow his lead. Sect Leader Jiang said he was agreeable, but that could be just to the political aspect; if he prefers not to be in my bed, I can find relief elsewhere.”

“And if he does want to be in your bed?”

“Then I’ll bed him,” Nie Mingjue had said, not really seeing the issue. His tastes had always been as straightforward as he was, without discrimination by gender or even overly much by appearance; if they liked him, and he liked them, it was good enough for him – why bother thinking it over any more than that? “He seemed lively enough.”

Nie Huaisang had sighed. “Yes, he’s lively all right; more importantly, he’s competent, and that’s been your thing since forever. But that’s not – a marriage isn’t just sex. I know what you’re like, da-ge, better than anyone: when you’re sincere, you’re sincere, and nothing can be done about it. I’d even assumed, once, that you would end up marrying – well, never mind. The question remains: even if you’re indifferent now, what happens if you fall in love?”

“Then I’d be in love with my husband?” Nie Mingjue had hazarded. “That doesn’t seem like a problem?”

Nie Huaisang had groaned, declared Nie Mingjue ‘a useless good-for-nothing when it comes to romance’, and agreed to handle all aspects of the marriage going forward.

And now –

“Oh, yes, I know you were joking when you said that,” Nie Huaisang said, tapping his fan to his lips the way he did when he was scheming something. It was usually something stupid (how to get out of responsibilities, how to get something he wanted, how to pull a truly amazing prank on someone he disliked) but in all actuality Nie Mingjue’s brother was incredibly smart, endlessly stubborn, and highly capable, no matter how he tried to hide his light under a bushel. There was a reason Nie Mingjue wanted their sect to go to him. “But the question is – are you?”

Nie Mingjue stared at him. “What?”

“You don’t have to be joking,” Nie Huaisang said. “You could marry them both. It’s not as if our treasury couldn’t afford the dowries, especially after all our victories in the war.”

“But there isn’t any reason for it. We already have a connection to the Lan sect – I’m sworn brothers with their sect leader!”

“Yes,” Nie Huaisang said patiently. “There is no political benefit to it whatsoever. You could still do it.”

Nie Mingjue opened his mouth, then closed it, and then finally shot Nie Huaisang a look that asked him to explain.

“Wei-xiong and Lan-er-gongzi are both extremely desirable,” Nie Huaisang said. “They’re brilliant cultivators, incredibly smart, incredibly powerful, highly principled – Wei-xiong had the integrity to stand up for the Wen remnants even against the entire cultivation world, Lan-er-gongzi has always acted for the greater good without any doubt or reservation. There’s a reason they’re ranked so highly in the list of young masters.”

He leaned back in his seat, shifting over and starting to idly fan himself.  

“Take Lan-er-gongzi: he’s one of the most technically skilled cultivators of my generation, whether in music, sword, archery, or otherwise; there’s isn’t one of the six arts in which he’s lacking, and he’s already known for always being where the chaos is, no matter how little fame it may bring him. Wei-xiong, in turn, is among the most creative cultivators alive, inventing not only an entire new path of cultivation but a myriad of inventions that have proven helpful to all– the spirit attraction flag, the compass of evil, just to name two – and he’s shared them openly, without the slightest inclination to keep them back for his own sect over others. In short, both of them have qualities you greatly admire in people.”

Nie Mingjue nodded. There was nothing wrong with Nie Huaisang’s analysis, excepting only his omission that they had both been fierce advocates of his war against the Wens, both having made significant contributions both on their own merits and through their advocacy – without the two of them, the war might not yet have been won.

For Nie Mingjue, whose filial duty to his father demanded Wen blood, that was a strong mark in their favor.

“Based on what you’re telling me,” Nie Huaisang continued, “for whatever reason, both of them seem to be interested in you. You’re one of the few people who can reliably read Lan expressions: if you tell me Lan Wangji isn’t opposed to the idea, it’s all but saying that he’s fiercely in favor of it. Wei Wuxian hasn’t been even remotely shy about how much he likes the concept. So that brings me to my question: do you want them?”

Nie Mingjue opened his mouth, only to find a fan on his lips, silencing him.

“I want you to think about this seriously, da-ge,” Nie Huaisang said. “If you’re really determined for me to be the next Sect Leader Nie, you’ll eventually have to listen to me, so start now. For once in your life, don’t think about the sect. Don’t think about me. Don’t think about anything. No considerations, no benefits and disadvantages, nothing at all. Just close your eyes, think about the two of them, think about the fact that you can have them if you want them, and then tell me – do you want them?”

[holydragon2808]

Thoughts On Dragon Age II after Replaying (Massive Spoilers)

Hello fellow DA fans! It's been quite some time since I last posted anything here on Tumblr. Hope everyone has been safe during all of the world's craziness. Figured I'd post something to let people know I'm still alive.

Anyway, DA2 was first released back in 2011. I was 20-21 years old at the time. Back then, while I still acknowledged the lack of genuine player agency with Hawke (in comparison to the Warden before them), I did belong in the camp of people believing that people went way overboard with the DA2 critiques regarding those complaints, at least back then.

Now though? After replaying the game again a decade or so later, and also in light of the Inquisitor and DAI, I now personally believe that Hawke's story stands out as (overall), all the more unbalanced in comparison to both the Warden and Inquisitor.

Massive Spoilers for the franchise abound beyond this point. Last warning.

Despite a lot of the old critiques leveled at DA2, it isn't a 100% terrible experience, and despite the oncoming rant, I do love the game overall.

Even though I've personally always thought that DA2 story was centered around tragedy a bit TOO much, in light of the growing franchise and the directional tone of the other protagonists thus far, it unfortunately stands out even more to me, and not in a good way.

A shame really because DA2 could have been a better and interesting contrast to DAO in tone and direction had it been more balanced with meaningful successes and failures for Hawke as a character rather than veering too far over into angst and tragedy.

For example, in DAO, your Warden character is railroaded into success against the Blight no matter what. Regardless of the origin, regardless of what sort of allies you acquire, no matter if you live or die in the end or which warden gets the final blow, you succeed.

This sort of narrative framing gave the writers a much easier way to balance genuine tragedy and success throughout the journey without veering too far in one direction or the other, and also without making nearly everything the player does seem like an exercise in futility.

In other words, there were failures and successes more properly balanced throughout, from experiencing meaningful failures and heartache during the chosen origin stories, to failure at Ostagar, to having more balance with the party members and their struggles (they weren't too boring or too dysfunctional), romances that stood out as a light for the Warden amidst all the fighting and death and their massive burden, to succeeding with building the army to take on the Darkspawn, to potential personal sacrifice to save the world and so on.

The option to play a more tragic, angsty or "evil" character who alienates everyone around them and then ultimately dies in the end is there too. The point is that the game largely gave the player the reins and let THEM decide what sort of story they were interested in shaping within the confines of the narrative railroading.

This balance just isn't there with DA2 as the player progresses. Hawke is railroaded into failure in almost every way from start to finish, whether in their personal life or with the massive political struggles in Kirkwall.

I'm sure most people would have been fine with the main plot between the mages/Templars spiraling out of their control in the end (thanks Anders), the Qunari rampaging no matter what, and even the Hawke family being forcefully separated as the story progressed.

However, to me some of the railroaded bleak tragedy should have been offset by Hawke (and by extension the player) at least having the OPTION of being able to keep their family alive.

I'm fine with the tragedy of losing the whole family being ONE POSSIBLE option in the game, but when this tragedy along with the main plot failures, the dysfunctional party members that are too problematic to help ease Hawke's burdens (in fact, they all add to Hawke's worries, which if Inquisition shows anything, that it finally takes its toll on Hawke) is THE ONE AND ONLY OPTION in light of everything else wrong in Kirkwall, then that's a potential writing issue and could potentially alienate the player more than make them care about anything that happens and wonder why they aren't given the option to just nope out and leave Kirkwall to its fate.

Tragedy can be fine, don't get me wrong, but not everyone wants to role play a COMPLETE AND UTTER tragedy from start to finish with no option to deviate in any way from that narrative. Options in the way people progress (especially where people can break the story down and see the holes in the narrative where it COULD have possible but just wasn't allowed), should be presented in a ROLE PLAYING game.

I personally find it more realistic and relatable when a character experiences a nice blend of both MEANINGFUL success and failure. However, the writers seemed intent on railroading Hawke into just being at the mercy of the main plot with little to no agency.

In stark contrast to DAO, planning for the entire story in DA2 (or just in an RPG period) to end in failure no matter the player choices is already a bold enough risk on its own. It can definitely work with the proper balance of both positive and negative experiences along the way though in both the political and personal aspects of the player characters life, to keep the player actively engaged in a way that doesn't leave them thinking that their presence in the story amounts to little more than the equivalent of holding a book and simply turning the page rather than actively doing something.

But combining an already planned bleak ending with a very corrupt setting where the leaders on all sides are either completely moronic or passive, party members where the majority of them have too many burdens of their own to give Hawke a genuine sense of a reprieve from the madness even if romancing one of them (except for Varric, Aveline, and Bethany, if alive, everyone else is either a whiner or dysfunctional. It's very telling that Hawke's PET DOG gets more no strings attached visits from the party members than Hawke does. Just saying), railroading Hawke to lose the majority of their family in some way, AND having what little success and influence Hawke DOES acquire to come back and bite them in the ass in the end (Hawke struck it rich and became Champion of Kirkwall?! Awesome!.....right up until its revealed the red lyrium idol they found in the deep roads played a part in screwing up everything), then at that point, a serious argument can be made that the writers veered far too heavily into tragic overdone melodrama for some people.

How cool would it have been to be able to leave the game with "Well, okay, I couldn't do anything about the corruption in Kirkwall or the mage/Templar tensions spiraling out of control, but at least my whole family is alive and well"? There could have even been an achievement/trophy for this very outcome called "The pride of the Hawkes" or something.

Just one possible example of how the railroaded political failures could have been offset by giving Hawke, (and by extension the player), the OPTION for personal success in a more meaningful way. The option for extreme tragedy with some or even all of the Hawkes dying can still be there of course for people who want that degree of angst, but again having multiple OPTIONS is more likely to accommodate more people and their preferred play styles or stories, and thus, give more reasons to play the game multiple times.

As it stands now, sure, Hawke can save the life of one sibling, but they're still railroaded into losing one of them before the prologue is over, the other is either killed by the Blight or forced from their side in act 1 because the game said so, and the mother is forced to die in the most shock value induced way possible (nevermind not even being able to warn Leandra in act one or follow up on this quest until it's too late in act two or the guards and Templars being forcefully incompetent for this to play out like the writers want).

Those have just been my thoughts as of late. Some people argue that in a way, this is the entire point of the game. That sometimes only REALLY crappy choices exist and there may not be a third option. I agree with that to a point.

But "there might not be" and "there NEVER is" an option for an ideal third way are two very different things and IMO, DA2 suffered in veering far too heavily in the direction of the latter, often being too focused on heartbreak and shock value (looking at you "All That Remains") to really work as well as it could have.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts a decade later. Make no mistake, I still love DA2 for what it is, love the general concept and idea of DA2, just not the execution. It's just sad to me that this game could have been so much better with more development time, more options to shape Hawke's story on a more personal level (whether with an ideal outcome of everyone in the family living, or a semi tragic one where some can die depending on choices, or everyone dying), and not being railroaded into tragedy to nearly nigh ridiculous levels to the point where a giant spider nightmare residing in the Fade in a whole other game mocks Hawke for their "failure is the only option" status.

And just to further clarify my point here, true, Kirkwall was a ticking time bomb with or without Hawke being there. They made the tensions between the two factions apparent as far back as DAO. A Mage/Templar war was all but inevitable, as was Anders eventually losing himself to Justice/Vengeance and after exhausting all peaceful options, finally doing the unthinkable and "forcing everyone to choose a side". That part was fine. And it makes sense for this part of the story to remain static and unchanged no matter what (as I said before, the issue isn't necessarily that DA2 had a planned tragic ending or was framed as a set story within a story).

The issue is that, at the end of the day, regardless of whether this is framed as a recounting of events already played out, Bioware still chose to present this part of the story to the world as an RPG, not a novel. It's just too easy to pick apart the current execution of the narrative and find too many holes and inconsistencies, far too easy to see that Bioware wanted tragedy and completely railroaded the player into it regardless of whether or not it made sense to do so at times. Part of it is definitely that it was rushed, but not all of it.

" Genuine inevitable tragedy" (example: the mage/Templar rebellion) and "railroaded and just never given the option to question/change anything because the game/developers said so but still forcefully insisting and trying to frame it as an inevitable tragedy" are two very different things (outright confirming in Act 1 that the remains of the serial killer's vicitms did indeed belong to one of the missing women (Ninette's wedding ring) and he gave them white lilies but conveniently never given the option to bring any of this up to the guards/Templars or pursue the quest or warn Leandra until it's far too late). Leandra's death isn't the only example of this problem, but it definitely is one of the most prominent and IMO, takes away from the intended story of a good woman who met a bad end with their oldest son/daughter being unable to prevent it when the game failed to let them (and by extension the player) truly try.

DA2 could have been a great contrast to DAO. Rather than having the influence to shape the fate of the world like the Warden and succeed in their goal, they could have compromised in DA2 with having the fallout of the Kirkwall Chantry destruction and the rebellion still happening no matter what (i.e. Hawke "failing" to stop any of the madness and still ultimately forced to flee Kirkwall in the end after finally dragging the Amell line back into prominence) but still given the player the option to save their immediate family members across the story if certain choices were made throughout. I'm sure most people would have been fine with a more "bittersweet" option being presented for Hawke, (and by extension the player) in the game, especially where again, one can pick apart the narrative and see where it could have been an option, but just wasn't allowed for no other reason than seemingly because of the "True art is angsty" trope.

Bioware could still have their own canon (similarly to how Alistair is shown to be king in their canon no matter what as an example) of the ultimate tragedy if they wanted, but again, DA2 is still an RPG where players expect to have more meaningful choices reflected in how they progress, even with an inescapable darker and downer ending.

Complete and utter tragedy is fine, but I just don't think it was the best decision to have it as THE ONLY option in an RPG.

[mymycorrhizae]

I watched episodes 2-5 of Not Me today and I am loving it - I mostly saw shippy bits through the Tumblr filter but it's so much more! The emphasis on justice and injustice, Thai society, the exploration of privilege and political issues, and overall queerness is excellent. I'm enjoying the possible romances and all the intrigue surrounding who hurt Black, but it feels less important, and I'll be okay if there aren't happy endings all around. It would be nice but it doesn't feel necessary for the story that's being told.

Gumpa knows though, right? I feel like he very clearly is saying he knows he's not Black when he tells White to stay at the garage.

I don't trust Todd. I can't say why not. I don't know what his angle would be but he makes me nervous (maybe because he's rich lol)

Yok and Sean are probably my favorites right now, although I love all the guys in the gang (and Namo, and Nuch). I keep laughing at poor White suddenly having to do arson or athletics. I am glad they all think he's acting weird because if they think he's Black he absolutely is! He doesn't remember anything and keeps asking questions Black would know the answer to! (and then there's Gumpa, trying to tell them there's nothing to see here, that they're all weird).

Dan and Yok definitely have my attention in their little bit of screentime together so far. Yok tracking him down! The looks they share! Dan hitting him when you think they might kiss! Exquisite.

Absorbing this show through tumblr gifs would give you the impression that it is 99.99% romance. But as you can see, there's way more to the show than that. I rewatch all the episodes with my brother and it's funny sometimes the difference in the things I focus on vs the things he focuses on. He's bi but just not into any of the romances on the show. And that's always a good balance for me, because I can go crazy about the ships with everyone here. And then I watch it with my bro and we focus on plot.

I'm happy to hear that you're enjoying it so far. Your impressions of Gumpa and Todd are pretty much the same as mine during those episodes. I liked this scene from episode 4:

When White goes to Todd's place while dressed as Black. The contrast between Black and Todd's lifestyles really jumps out. It's hard to picture them as friends because Todd seems to embody everything Black was fighting against.

Dan is such an interesting character to me, I'm looking forward to you watching more of his scenes.