#it should be DEEPLY focused on organizing

[decolonize-the-left]

With pride coming up in the US again I wanted to say that the cops who "helped" with pride last year would happily arrest you this year.

For a lot of states who's reps signed off on anti-drag bills and trans bans over the last year this will be a reality.

Pride will be quieter this year.

This is why we don't have cops at pride. Pride was never safe and it never has been. Calls for it to be sanitized "for the children" were so misguided, for the same reason.

We get it. You had good intentions by asking for cops and wanting minors to be included.

But the consequence of that is that now we hear that same rhetoric being used to justify putting us back in the closet. Turns out that homonormative patriarchal society that we live in thinks queer ppl are disgusting perverts and not appropriate for children to be exposed to. Go figure.

We can't sanitize our movement for them. Lateral violence doesn't free any of us. And trying to include our oppressors in our liberation will never be a good idea because they will turn on us the moment they are able to and they'll use our own words against us.

No cops at pride.

[igotanidea]

Tease: Jason Todd x fem!reader

graphic credit goes to @stariver00 - <3

A/N: I can't even find the words to describe how relieved I am that I finally finished this one! :D

Summary: taking care of Jason's wounds and being a tease sounds so innocent. What could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: SMUT MDNI!! dumbifications, oral (fem receiving), my poor medical knowledge, mentions of wounds, teasing and bickering, a bit of rough play if you squint.

***

The view in front of her eyes was not she was expecting to see, however she should have seen that coming. After all it wasn’t the first time her boyfriend climbed up her window in the middle of the night, bloodied and wounded with a broken dog face expression, searching for a safe place where he could get back to shape. 

 “Patching.” he muttered sitting cross legged on the floor, with medical supplies splattered all over, his helmet and body armor discarded a few steps beyond. 

She knew the drill, they did this dance hundreds of times now. With a deep sigh Y/N threw her bag on the floor, kicked her shoes and moved to sit on the floor next to him reaching for the gauze he had in his hands and retrieving it swiftly.

“What kind of wound? Stab? Bullet? Punch? Hit?” she asked, immediately getting into this specific, factual tone, keeping her emotions at bay, focusing on the task of helping him out.

“Bullet” he muttered mimicking her pitch.

“Exit or…?”

“Entry.”

“But no exit?” her voice faltered only slightly. Anyone else wouldn’t even notice that subtle change, but Jason knew her for too long to let it slip. He was fully aware she was terrified of what was expected of her to do.

“It stayed in.” he muttered

“You really couldn’t let me have one good night, could you? “she sighed deeply reaching for the tweezers, disinfecting them, desperately trying to control her shaky hands and putting them inside his wound. “I’m not a freaking doctor you know!”

“Just get it out already!” he hissed in pain.

 “Stop squirming! It’s not helping!”

Jason clenched his jaw, wincing at every movement of the tweezers in his body but followed her orders, his fingers digging into his palms to prevent himself for hurting her in crazy fight or flight instinct.

“I got it….” She whispers finally pulling the bullet out and throwing it away, her heart beating frantically from the emotions yet her face blank and calm. It was crazy how they were both terrified and yet were dead set not to show it to the other to not amplify any of those negative feelings.

“Told you” he smirked

“Told me what exactly Todd? That you’re a selfish, reckless, stupid bastard who’s  gonna give me heart attack?. I’m not professional. I could have hurt you and yet I always take care of you…..”

“Told you a silly bullet wound won’t kill me.” Jason grinned and moved to lay on the couch. “Now, get those stiches and put them to use Y/N.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome….” She rolled her eyes, reaching for the needle and swiftly mending the damage done to his shoulder. “You’re lucky it didn’t shatter any bones, cause that would be way beyond my pay grade.”

“Yeah, whatever….” He muttered waiting patiently for her to be done and finish helping him by putting on a dressing, her soft, nimble fingers dancing on his skin, sending shivers down his spine. “Thanks doc.” He chuckled to diffuse the tension. It was weird that he got so many different sensations from her touch now. She did this so many times before and only now…. she shook his head not wanting to pursue that thought.

“Might as well use that title. Not of education by definitely from experience.” She hissed standing up, moving to kitchen and pouring herself a glass of wine “by the way, did you know that experiments on living organism are forbidden?”

‘You meant me?” he raised an eyebrow watching her sip her drink.

“Obviously.”

“And yet you always stich me up. Every. time.” Jason raised from the couch, moving to stand in front of her.

„What if one day I refuse?” she teased, swirling the wine and looking straight into his eyes, almost daring him to play back.

„I’ll take care of my wounds and you take care of your liver” Jason pulled the glass from her hand putting it up away from her reach, making her pout and stuck the tongue at him.

“You gotta die from something. I’d rather go down doing something fun not fighting on the streets of Gotham.”

“Not on my watch. You can drop patching me up, but you’re not drinking. You’re gonna sit with me and watch some Netflix instead.”

“Shall I remind you it’s still my apartment?”

“Ekhem…. Our apartment.” He corrected.

“Mhm… sure… I work and pay the bills and you bleed on the floor from time to time. You’re right, you marked this place quite literally.”

„No one here is getting drunk.” He said with a stern tone.

“I’m sorry? Do I look drunk?” she scoffs “that’s offending.”

“After a bottle of wine?”

“Who said anything about a bottle?” she brushed him off, but his gaze travelled to the open, almost empty bottle standing on the kitchen counter. “Yesterday’s?” she made an innocent face at him.

“That’s your third glass, Y/N.” there was no way to hide the evidence of crime now. Damn his vigilante instincts and  observational skills. Of course she could have kept the play going, but it was no point now.

“Yeah, maybe I have a reason to. And you’re the last person on earth who can preach me on recklessness.” she mutters, snatching the glass from his hand, putting it to the sink and plumping on the couch putting on some TV. 

“Bad day, huh?”

“More less so….” she switch through the channels finding nothing worth keeping an eye on, and finally setting on reruns of Friends, hoping this would cheer her up even if only a little.

 “Care to share?” Jason sat beside her, pulling her into his embrace, resting his head on hers. 

“I don’t think I want to talk now….” Y/N snuggled into his arms, enjoying the warmth coming from his body. “Hi…..” she murmured softly, a  bit calmer now. He was all right, he was safe and next to her, not bleeding, not dying, not hurting. 

“Hi yourself...”Jason smiled kissing her forehead and tightening the grip on her.

“You gave me a scare, you know.”

“Sorry baby…… But you’re better now, right?” his hand moved from her waist to her back, caressing softly in a calming manner.

‘yeah… I’m better….” She sighed, feeling the stress coming off her in waves. “you feel like home”

“that’s because I am your home, princess.”

“Yeah…. Yeah… you are….”

“And you’re mine….” He added, brushing her hair and cheek softly putting finger under her chin and making her look into his eyes. ”You understand that, don’t you? That you are mine and my everything.”

“I love you….” She whispered connecting their foreheads in an intimate gesture, hoping he’ll understand all those unspoken words dying in her throat and impossible to sound.

“I love you more.” He brushed his lips over hers briefly, only to ignite her nerves and make her break.

“I could argue on that.” Y/N chuckles softly in return.

“Oh really?” his eyebrows travelled up as he pulled back looking into her eyes with a slight smirk “Try me.”

“I. am. Infinitely falling for you.”  Her words were like a balm on his heart and soul making him feel like he finally found that one person he belonged to. Whatever she said to him, whenever and wherever, it never failed to set him on fire, make his nerves and his whole body burn with the passion he never knew before.

“Y/N……baby…..”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’ve won this competition……” Jason’s leaned forward, leaving inches of space between them.

“I’m gonna take my prize now.” she murmured capturing his lips in hers and immediately, out of instincts wrapping arms around his neck. She wanted, needed to feel him, just to make sure it was all real and he was really with her, not just a friction of her imagination.

Jason was with her…… Safe, loved, all for her, matching every movement of her lips with passion, pulling her on his lap, caressing her hair, touching her back and waist, doing it all at once.

"Take everything you want, love. I'm all yours."

“Mine……” a few tears fell down her cheeks when she snuggled even closer to his touch, never getting enough of it. Of him, of his love, of his affection and care. Even though those were the sign of happiness, not pain of hurt, he noticed those little droplets in an instant.

"Hey, no crying on my shoulder." He chuckled wiping them away. “I got you…. You’re safe with me….”

“I can't lose you.....” she whispered, her right hand travelling to his shoulder, tracing over the wound she patched up a few moments later. “Every time you go out there ….” Her voice broke.

„Hey…. Hey….baby look at me….” Jason grabbed her chin and forced her eyes up on him “you’re not losing me. I’m right here…..” he guided her hand to his heart, letting her feel his heartbeat “feel that?” she nodded “it beats only for you. You won’t lose me…I promise you.” He kissed her temple nuzzling nose in her hair.

“I love you Jay....”

"I love you too, honey." He replied, wrapping his arms around Y/N  tightly, like he was afraid she might disappear, keeping her in the safe, strong embrace, rocking back and forth slightly.

 “Does it hurt?” she asked her soft, quiet voice breaking through the silence of the apartment.

“What?” Jason asked, slightly confused by her question.

“The wound.”

"Oh... yeah, it stings a little." He replied, glancing at his bandaged shoulder.

“Want me to kiss it better?”

His eyes grew wide, tiniest blush creeping on his face. Even if it was barely visible in the dark room she knew him well enough to recognise when he got flustered.,

"Baby…..that's the best offer I've gotten all week." He grinned.

“That's not a yes though.”

“You’re taking the conscious consent to a completely new level, princess. Do you see me objecting?”

“Jason Todd…..” she warned with the slightest chuckle

“I could never say no to you, my pretty girl.” he pulled her closer “yes.”

That one little word was all she needed connecting their lips again, relinquishing in the taste of his lips, taste of him. When her mouth were busy showing her love moving all over his face, brushing his cheek, jaw and neck, her hands, simultaneously moved down to his chest, her nimble fingers tracing his skin, moving over each of his scars, reminder of his past. Of the part of his life where she wasn’t with him.

She did it so many times already, focusing on the stab wound on his thigh, tiniest dents in the rib area, multiple cuts on his chest, slashes on his arms, bullet wounds, burn wounds, all kinds of those.

So many intimate times and yet, every single one of them was so different from the other.

"You sure you wanna do this right now...? I'm all for it but I don't want you to get my blood all over you." He chuckled

„It's just a kiss Jason....” she teased, moving to kiss over the sensitive, freshly patched shoulder with her soft, warm lips, causing Goosebumps all over him and smiling at the effect of him not stopping her ministrations

“Y/N…..” he groaned, his head falling back slightly. “God…..” his grip on her tightened and he pulled her closer, his mind (and not only mind) running wild and completely out of his control.

  „Shhhh...”  she mumbled against his skin, keeping on her ministrations, smiling even more upon feeling his hand tangling in her hear pressing her closer to the wounded shoulder. “Let me take care of you….” Her hot breath brushed over his neck when she started nibbling there getting a few more groans of pleasure.

“Do you feel better, Jaybaby?”

“Uh…uh-huh….”  He gasped slightly still trying to keep his composure “don’t want you to stop…..”

“I’m not, my love…..” she nibbled on his neck, biting gently. “Mmmh…. You taste delicious…”

“Y/N…..” his hands found a way under her shirt, tugging at the material. “you’re a devil…..”

“No, Jace….”

“But Y/N....” he whined desperately “I want you… I want to kiss you, touch you, let me love you…..”

“You’re hurt, Jason….”

“So what? I still want to have you….”

“You can kiss me, but the clothes stays on.”

“You’re such a tease, turning me all hot and then denying!” he pouted “how unfair is that?!” he shivered at her words, but even though not giving up just yet.

“Yeah, I can feel how excited you got…” she smirks, shifting to sit on his lap, purposefully brushing over his hard on.

“Come on!” he cried out, burning at the sensation. Even if it was through material he could tell himself the rest, imagination and memories doing the job. “It’s torture! Pleeeeasseeee….”

“Hmmm.. on second thought….” She pulled back stopping the kissing.

“Y/N!”

“What?”

“You promised you won’t stop!” he grabbed her hip harder, making her squeal in surprise

“I did not!” she exclaimed “I hit pause.”

“Resume it now….” He warned, his voice hoarse, his body desperate for her. “Or else….”

“Or else what, honey? What will you possibly do?” he whispered in his ear, tangling fingers in his hair, tugging and scratching gently, her eyes full of desire and love and playfulness combined. “From what I see and it’s a nice view from the top….” Y/N smirked  “you’re at my mercy. How does that feel?”

“Terrible.” He pouted “I’m injured and need to be taken care of and my girlfriend is all cruel and heartless…..”

“Oh…. Am I really?” she pushed him down on the bed, forcing him to lay on his back. “Is it really so terrible? How’s the view from down there?”

“covered….”

“Covered view?” she chuckled.

“Come on!!!”  he cried out, his impatient hands moving to her hips.

“Behave, Jason…..” she straddled his hips, laying on top of him, pinning his hands to the mattress, looking straight into his eyes, before moving to kiss down his chest.

“You’re playing with fire, princess….”

“Yeah, Kori has been giving me some … lessons. And let me tell you, that girl…. She’s really good. I mean she bedded Dick and all those tricks she showed me…..” she smirked, letting go of his hands and tracing over his scars, but unlike before this time it was far from sweet, gentle and innocent. This time, her single purpose was to spur him on, tease him, make him burn at her touch and at the single feeling  of her body on his.

“I hate you…..” he groaned

“We both know….” She brushed over his crotch “It’s not true.”

“Enough!” he yelled and before she could do as much as let out a single cry he pinned her to the mattress, kissing her with urgency and desire, not stopping to take a break, a breath, nothing. Now he was claiming her, her body, her soul, her mind. She wanted teasing, she should have known it comes with the price and Jason was not going to give up something that was rightfully his.

“Jason!” she moaned, but he was not going to stop for the world, tearing her shirt open, sending the buttons flying all over the room, sucking her skin up, biting, licking and kissing all over her stomach, finally, finally being able to teach her a lesson.

“You brought this on yourself….” He hissed, his mind too consumed by lust to even hear her crying out his name. “you brought this on yourself, princess”.

He was so fucking hungry, starved, deprived of her body, her skin, the taste of her. And his little, pathetic, helpless girlfriend really thought she could keep him on leash.

“poor little stupid girl….” he muttered, scratching her waist and moving hands up, cupping her clothed chest, feeling her body arch and squirm underneath him “I’m not your pet, baby….” He pulled the material of the bra away, revealing her right  breast and smirking vindictively at the view of her pebbled nipple. “You planned this, didn’t you?” he muttered, brushing thumb over the sensitive part eliciting a moan and desperate cry of pleasure

“please…..” she begged

“not so nice when you’re the one pleading, is it?” he chuckled cruelly, taking it in his mouth and sucking for a second.

“Jay…..!” she grabbed his head, wanting more, more, more……

“Oh no, princess….” He pulled back, her half exposed, reddened chest abused and neglected “It’s not gonna be that easy…” his eyes glistened in the dark room. In that moment he looked less like a Jason Todd and way more like a Red Hood. Like a predator looking at the helpless prey, baring his teeth and sharpening his claws, getting ready to pounce mercilessly, getting his payback and whatever else he wanted.

“shit….!” She squealedwondering how was it possible that she went from patching him up and getting all scared of hurting him, through absolutely innocent teasing to ending up pinned to the bed in the form of desperate mess, strangely turned on by his fury.

“Yeah, princess…shit, indeed….” Jason repeated, scratching the skin just above the hem of her jeans, one fingers diving down, grabbing the elastic of her panties pulling it up just to let it go and make it snap her skin with a sting.

“Ah..!”  she gasped

“Such a naughty, little stupid ungrateful brat….” He climbed on top of her, kissing up her stomach, her chest, her neck, jaw, cheek in a crazy pace, not allowing her to enjoy it, stopping at her lips. “I’ll make you beg for me. How about that? How do you like switching places…..” his mouth hung a few inches above hers, his thumb pressing at her bottom lip, forcing her to open those pretty mouth he was imagining somewhere else doing something different. “How about that, princess?” he asked again, his breath enveloping her face, clouding her senses, causing her to close her eyes. “Answer me, baby or might have to punish you….”

“Jason….” She moaned, not sure if she was enjoying this side of him or not. It was the first time in their relationship when he pushed him so far to actually make him this… vicious… this dominant.

“Answer me, princess…..” he muttered, grabbing both her hands and pinning them above her head “How do you like that?” he bit her neck. Once, twice, three times, each time harder than before.

“I…..ah… shit… Jace….!” At this point she knew – she was definitely enjoying him like this.

“Cat got your tongue, baby?”

“You’re so mean to me….” she moaned at another bite, this time on her shoulder.

“And yet….” One of his hands left her wrist, travelling down her body, tracing over each of her curved and digging inside her pants, moving the material of the panties away “you’re so wet…..” he whispered into her ear “what were you thinking, beautiful? What sort of crazy fantasies are there in your head, little one? Do you wish me to touch you….?” his finger brushed over hersensitive, swollen clit. “you want me touch you like that?”

“Yes,….shit… yes, yes…..” poor Y/N thought she was a begging mess before but Jason was clearly just beginning to have his fun with her. “please…..” she struggled against his grip.

“funny how the tables turned, isn’t it?” he muttered, nuzzling nose into her neck.

“Todd…..” she tried her best to make her voice stern and serious, but it came as desperate and whiny.

“Yeah, baby….? Is there something you want?” he asked calmly, his tone a contract to the way he was rubbing her clit faster and more intensely, enjoying the sounds coming from her mouth, becoming less human by a second turning into a desperate wail of tortured animal.

“please, please… please….!” Her hips buckled off the bed, her body begging for more.

“Nah…. I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson yet, love.” He retrieved his hand from her pants.

“Jason….!” She looked into his eyes, her gaze broken, hair a mess, lips chapped, cheeks reddened.

“God, your such a mess…..” Jason smirked, but the way she was looking at him with so much love, trust and vulnerability got him crumbling a bit. “Beg for me…..”

“I need you….” She whimpered “I need you, only you, just you. Please……?”

“Y/N…… my love……. You were a brat……. Admit it now…..” her voice, her eyes, her whispering, her begging…. He was slipping back into her, getting lost in her. He enjoyed having her under his control, but it was never his intention to push her further than she could take. Y/N had a little less experience than him and Jason was just trying to show her different way of things.  To educate her, if you may.

But.

No matter how much he tried to dominate her, to punish and take what he wanted he just…. couldn’t.

He couldn’t be forceful on Y/N. His love, his one and only, his sweet, pretty girl. He wanted to protect her, love her, cherish her. Give her all the sweet loving she was missing through her entire life. Never hurt her. Never.

Unless she asked him too.

Spicing things up was good sometimes, but the tears in her eyes told him clearly enough she was on the verge. And Jason was not going to make her break and burst out crying during sex. Not with him. Not on his watch.

Never.

“Y/N…… baby…..” he let go of both of her wrists, reddened and swollen from the tight grip. “I love you….. I love you…..”

“I love you too, Jace,…. Please… please…..”

“Shhhh…. “ he caressed her head kissing her softly, reassuringly “I got you baby…. I got you… I’ll take care of you… Just promise….” He bit on her bottom lip “promise you won’t tease me again…..”

“Promise….” She whimpered, wrapping arms around his back, scratching his shoulder blades, dragging her nails down his body.

“I’m gonna pretend I believe you……” Jason whispered, too lost in his craving to say anything else and to control himself anymore.

It only took him a second to unclasp her bra, exposing her breast fully, licking, sucking, grazing his teeth over it, letting himself enjoy her hands in his hair, tugging, pulling, scratching, but not stopping there. His mouth moved lower, swiftly and capably sliding her jeans down, removing her soaked panties, spreading her legs and licking his lips at the view.

“Y/N……” his tongue moved to the place where she needed him ‘mmhmh… god….my favourite meal of the day…….”

“No…..” she whispered, pulling him back up by his healthy shoulder.

“what do you mean no?” he kept on lapping and sucking, swirling his tongue “your words don’t match your body movements….”

“I need you….”

“You have me baby…..” he licked all the way from her slit to clit making her moan and squirm again, more desperately than ever before “can’t stop me now…..”

“I want you….ah… ah…” her voice became desperate when those long, thick fingers complemented tongue movements, pumping in and out, doing it with ease with the amount of juices she already produces for him. “I want you… in….in…fuck…!”

“Inside?” he smirked, picking up the pace, knowing exactly what she was begging for.  She nodded her body tensing and sweating like crazy. Yes, she wanted him inside but with the way he was making her feel at the moment, bringing her closer and closer to release, she was slowly starting to not give a fuck how he would make her come. The only thing she cared about was to come at all, fingers, tongue, dick, whatever. And she was silently praying he wouldn’t fall back into that sadistic attitude and keep on edging her endlessly.

“Jace…. “ she spread her legs wider, opening herself to him fully, her body acting on its own.

He looked up from between her legs, his gaze hazy, desperate, filled with so much lust, passion and craving it made her shudder. In this state he was definitely notgoing to edge her and they both knew it. Their eyes met only for a second before he got back to eating her up in that way only he knew how, fast, hard, hitting all the right places in the perfect pace.

“Yes….!” She cried out, when her climax started to build, his fingers digging into her hips causing pain and pleasure and confirming her belief she would sport bruises next day. “Yes… yes…!” she moaned more and more, grabbing his hands and putting them on her breasts again, allowing him to touch,  squeeze, scratch and twist the flesh to his liking. “Yes….Jason…!”

He groaned and his voice reverberated through her whole body, making her scream his name , her body arching, hips moving off her bed as she was practically fucking herself on his face. Greedy, selfish little girl, craving the pleasure, the release, being so close, so fucking close she could almost touch it.

“Yes…. Yes… yes….!” Jason heard her sounds in the very core of his soul and body, picking up the pace more and more and more and more, not stopping. He could suffocate like this, die like this if it meant tasting her for the last time in his life. He grabbed her breast harder, digging his tongue deeper. It was not about her anymore, it was about satiating his hunger, his craving, his desire.

And then….

It felt like someone turned off the world that stopped existing.

It was only him.

And her.

Nothing more.

Her brain shut down when she came as intensely as never before, squirting hard, body tensing, releasing, bursting into sweat, shivering and shaking in no more than ten seconds. Oh, he prepped her so good and apparently a bit of roughness only added to the pleasure and the sensation.

“Jason…..” she breathed out heavily, her eyes closed as she tried to reach for his face blindly.

“I’m here, baby….” His voice came somewhere from above her, but before she could open her eyes and look at him, Jason pressed his lips to her, helping her to calm down and come back to reality, but also allowing her to taste herself. “I got you…. I got you, princess. It’s okay.. You’re safe. You’re mine, I’m here.”

“Mhmhm…..”was all she could reply, too lost in the sensation.

“How you feel?” he asked softly, pulling her to him, holding and caressing her back. He was going to clean her up in a second but for now she needed cuddles. She needed his warm embrace. And he was going to shower her with the aftercare. “I wasn’t too rough right?”

“At first.. maybe a little…..” she sighed, finally opening her eyes and meeting his gaze. His chin was glistening. “but it was worth it….” She smiled, wiping her own juices from his face “apparently….” They both chuckled.

“Do you remember what you promised me, though?” Jason smirked pulling her closer and ruffling her hair affectionately.

“are you serious?” she snickered “I’ve just barely recollected my last name! Of course I don’t remember what I said while being desperate for you!”

“Desperate, huh?” he raised an eyebrow. “Can you repeat that so I can record for my spank bank? Y/N Y/L/N was desperate for me….”

“Shut up!” she blushed punching his healthy arm.

“Make me, princess.” Jason grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. “You promised not to tease me, let me refresh your memory.”

“Did I really?” she frowned

“Yeah, really…..”

“What if I crossed my fingers?” she sat on the bed, wriggling out of his embrace, looking down at him with a smirk, her naked body so close to his. “What if I lied?”

“then we need another lesson to eradicate that terrible habit of yours….” he grabbed her waist and pulled her on top of him “I’m not in a hurry and that means you’re not going anywhere….” He bit her lip, his eyes glistening with the same greedy glow as before.    

Round two.

[drunkwhenimadethis]

It's intimidating to even type this because I've been oversleeping to avoid thinking deeply about anything and it's heavy to contemplate changing but I might try a week or two of waking up at 6am to handle basic individual necessities like writing, stretching, candlelit existence, reading, cleaning (why is cleaning so much more peaceful when nobody is awake?!). When I wake up later I feel immediately pulled into a life, a set of duties, obligations that aren't entirely reflective of what I feel I should be focusing on for myself but my life actually isn't and can't be all about me always so I have to organize myself differently and create a sense of balance between being there for myself and being there for others. Has anyone ever felt deeply changed by introducing a morning routine. About to start my field research

[kathaynesart]

I remember when you first started Replica and I haven't been here in a hot minute!

May you please do a debrief of what it is, the characters and their relationships.

I want to be able to give my friend (who I finally dragged down into this TMNT rabbit hole) a good explanation of your wonderful comic!

(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

Aw thank you so much! Hm… I suppose a summary would be good to have on hand. For the uninitiated with no context, here is the basic elevator pitch:

The year is 2044 and the last remaining Resistance of Earth has just fallen to the alien invaders known as the Krang. In a last ditch effort to save the planet, Casey, a freedom fighter is sent back in time to undo the events that first led to the invasion. While he is ultimately successful in his mission, the state of his original fallen timeline remains unknown. The last of the freedom fighters, his family, perished to ensure his safe escape, leaving their world to the mercy of the Krang.

Which brings us to the ultimate question: when you already know the heroes are doomed to fail, what can be gained from being told their story?

For the rest below, I’m going to write with the assumption that the reader has some basic knowledge of the series and the film because I feel that this story is best enjoyed with proper context.

SUMMARY

Replica is a story meant to answer many of the questions the first 4 minutes of the movie left us wondering. It’s to explain the basic history of the bad future timeline and how it came to be. The plot focuses particularly on the later half of the apocalypse, all with the intention of leading up to the opening scene where the Krang wins and Casey Junior is sent back in time to fix the mistakes that Leo and his family could not.

It’s to answer questions like:

How did Leo get injured?

Why is Mikey so old looking?

What were these characters like in the future?

What happened to Raph, Donnie, and April?

Where is big bad Krang Prime in all this?

How did the Resistance finally lose to the Krang?

Did they plan to send Casey back in time in advance?

What happened to this world/time-branch after Casey Jr was sent into the past?

MAIN CHARACTERS

For the most part, the cast is comprised entirely of characters from the series. My goal is to keep this as canon as possible, so no new OC's... save for one (kind of).

Omega Bootyyyshaker 9000 is where this story starts and ultimately where it ends. He is a brain scan AI of Donatello, created to act as both a support system for the Resistance after the turtle’s untimely death and also a key component in a plan that will hopefully put a stop to the Krang should the Resistance fail. Omega is great because he adds some much needed levity to the story, acting a bit more like the aloof but silly teenage Donnie (a side affect of not having to experience the usual physical weariness that comes with being an organic, aging organism in an apocalypse). However, he also adds more weight by being the thing that is supposed to outlast all of them and act as the last line of defense for the remainder of the universe. He claims to merely be a "replica" of Donnie's mind, but whether he's just a digitized scan, his own AI person, or somehow connected to Donnie in a deeper way has yet to be seen.

Leonardo Hamato: the man, the myth, the legend. Casey Junior spins tales of how great his sensei was in the movie, but in this story we really get to see Leo go from his lowest point as a pawn for the government, crushed by the shame of his past actions, to his greatest height as the leader of the Resistance. He is going to fail a lot in this story... but ultimately his greatest success is overcoming his own inner demons and coming to terms with being the father figure he had never asked to be. He cares deeply for his family and Casey... but he thinks he'd be a horrible dad.

Michelangelo Hamato: the only other surviving turtle to see the end of the world. He is the emotional bedrock of the family and a stand in therapist when he's not being a silly little guy. His mystical powers are unparalleled, but in his attempts to regain his lost Ninpo he taps into something far deeper, leading them down a path that intertwines the destiny of their doomed future and a past that has yet to occur.

Casey Jones Jr: a sweet boy taken in by the Hamato family. He strives to become a great warrior like his mother (Cassandra) and his Sensei (Leo). We are going to watch him grow from child to teenager as he slowly takes on the roll of being a fighter in the resistance. Through it all he must walk an unsteady line that allows him to find the strength to weather the storm but retain a certain spark of hope that helps keep his family going.

April O'neil: Commander of the Resistance and another honorary Hamato family member. She is the voice of reason and most emotionally stable of the family. Even after dealing with so much loss, she keeps a stiff upper lip as well as cold and calculating mind that always puts the colony's wellbeing first and foremost.

Donatello Hamato (deceased): The story begins shortly after Donnie’s passing during an infiltration mission against the Krang. He was dead set on planting a probe behind enemy lines that would allow them to spy on the Krang’s movements. However it seems that he had a secret agenda in planting something that would work as a final doomsday weapon against the Krang. What that is exactly, we do not yet know. The man self-destructed in a last ditch effort to avoid being interrogated by the Krang as well as a final attack to injure Krang Prime.

Raphael Hamato (deceased): The eldest brother who sadly passed away many years ago in the fight against the Krang. A boisterous but considerate man whose death sapped a great deal of the fighting spirit out of his brothers. His absence is greatly felt, but he might not be as far gone as he seems.

Krang Prime (One): Our big bad of the story. He is the leader of the Krang that has latched onto this planet like a cancer, using up its resources and assimilating its population. However, unlike the hundreds of planets that have come before this one is particularly personal. He doesn't want to merely assimilate but utterly destroy the descendants that caused his imprisonment thousands of years ago. His current state is unknown after being last seen with Donatello at the time of the man's self-destruction.

NEED TO KNOW DETAILS

All Resistance fighters have tiny self destruct bombs in their brains so that the Krang can not probe their minds to find out the Liberty Colony's location. They go off automatically after Krang infestation reaches a certain percentage, but can also be set off via voice command.

Donnie's brain bomb was far more potent because of the amount of information he knew. He did not want to risk the Krang getting any part of his mind.

The Krang have been searching for the resistance in a frustrating game of cat and mouse which has only become more difficult now that the Resistance easily knows their every move by using Donnie's probe.

Central Park Colony: now destroyed, but was once the last massive human colony in North America, housing both the EPF (Earth Protection Force) and US Government. Racism was a huge problem as most yokai and mutants were either quarantined, tested on, or used as living weapons in the fight against the Krang. It has since been destroyed.

Liberty Colony (aka the Resistance): grew from the ashes of the Central Park Colony. It is comprised of the survivors and lead by Leonardo, April, and several others. It is much smaller and more militaristic, but treats yokai, humans, and mutants equally.

Artificial Intelligence (like Omega and Shelldon) are able to fend off the Krang assimilation that people and tech would normally succumb to. It is for this reason Omega is used as both a protector of the Liberty Colony and operator for a majority of the vehicles so that the tech can no longer be easily taken over by the Krang during attacks.

Leonardo and Michelangelo (as well as Donatello's) Ninpo have all been stripped from them by this point in the story. While Leo can not tap into his family connection at all, Mikey at least has regained the ability to use some of his mystic powers.

Mikey's mystic abilities however come at a price. Since he can not tap into his Ninpo and the fountain of energy from his ancestors, he is instead using his own life force to cast his spells. It is slowly draining him.

TIMELINE Can be viewed HERE

SOURCE MATERIAL The video that inspired this all can be viewed HERE

Hope this helps! Sorry it's a bit long, tried to break it up with images. At least there might be a few interesting bits of information other readers may not have noticed. I snuck in a few things that haven't been mentioned yet, hehe.

[genderkoolaid]

Do you still believe HRT, which unless you have a messed up endocrine system doesn't hurt or sterilize anyone , and SRS, which often calls for reduction or addition of things and doesn't have to entail the removal of any genitals, gonads etc, are in the same vein as being trans abled, and wanting things like debilitating illness, removed limbs, and to use mobility aids etc when physically and mentally abled? /genq

It could've been a trollpost, but I saw someone posting about something that supposedly came from you about how it's the same as removing healthy gonads or to sterilize oneself intentionally to want a limb removed to disable oneself /g

Uh, yeah, at the very least I believe it doesn't make sense to support people's ability to choose one but not the other. [Also as a necessary disclaimer: I am physically disabled and I use both a cane and a wheelchair. It has had a major impact on my life. This is my opinion as a cripple who suffers on a daily basis from both my disabilities and systemic ableism.]

If you get healthy gonads or sex organs removed, you are essentially reproductively disabled. When it comes to phalloplasty, especially RFF, your arm can experience some nerve issues (which for most people is not serious, there are therapies you do to help recover) but you could, potentially, experience some kind of disability. None of this is a value statement about any kind of medical transition because disability is morally neutral. In fact for many people being reproductively disabled is an entirely positive thing! Even though for another person it could be deeply upsetting!

I've fought for a long time against TERF fearmongering about transmasculine transition, specifically HRT, and their warnings that "it will make your good pure body DISABLED!!!!!" which is both ableist and transphobic. It comes from the assumption that a disabled body is inherently lesser and tragic and a place of suffering, and that no trans person would ever take disability for the ability to experience euphoria and relieve their dysphoria. Many of us would rather be disabled and happy than abled and suffering. So why do we only get to apply this to medical transitioning for trans people?

Yes, obviously getting a limb removed or paralyzed or losing a sense is going to change how you live and you will have to deal with a lot of ableism. But it's not up to me to tell someone else that they shouldn't pursue happiness and relieve because oh no! They might be a DISABLED PERSON! The worst thing to be in the whole wide world!!!!!!!! Like disabled people already have to constantly hear "wow if I was you I'd kill myself." And while you shouldn't comment your feelings on someone else's condition unprovoked, I think it's way better to see people getting excited to live a happy and active disabled life instead of constant traumaporn. So yeah I think people should have the ability to pursue voluntary disability & I also think it would be cool to see people with BIID reclaim the label of transabled, since it was coined by a BIID activist to create a less medicalized and suffering-focused way of talking about BIID.

(Also, my stance as a mobility user has always been that the only criteria you need to fill to get a mobility aid is thinking it could help you. People already suffer unnecessarily because they are worried they aren't "disabled enough" to deserve an aid. So if someone w BIID feels better when walking with crutches I don't care! Especially if they actively fight against systemic ableism and inaccessibility! I am wayyyyy more concerned with all the buildings in my hometown with no goddamn elevator + crosswalks with no button or speaker than I am with someone using a wheelchair because it helps their dysphoria.)

[hypervoxel]

Jumble of headcanons in no particular order about Vark because I need to write them down somewhere to pretend to be organized

He started off sooo cute and tiny, like the size of a guinea pig. And he made laser noises like a baby Cuban crocodile.

He was so so tiny. He did not stay tiny.

Sharks sense electricity! He's naturally drawn to Vox when Vox is taking in or letting off too much power. He naturally interrupts Vox's overstimulation and warns about seizures, so Vox trained him some actual medical alert tasks.

Service shark Vark 🐕‍🦺

On the topic of electricity, I also headcanon him as having some aspects of an electric eel as well. A fantasy eel. He can take in some of Vox's excess energy, and isn't bothered by the sparks Vox throws off.

I'm chewing on the idea that Val bought Vark for Vox as an apology gift.

Now I'm just quoting myself directly from discord: I keep thinking of how I can include this (Vark being a gift from Val) in my one fanfic where it obviously does not fit bc Val hates Vark in it. Maybe he's jealous that Vox cares way more about Vark himself than the fact that Val gave him a gift. So unappreciative, didn't even have make-up sex over it bc Vox was too busy practically having a breakdown over how adorable Vark is. Val realizes that this was a mistake and he should have picked a very different gift instead

Vark is such a well behaved good boy when he's working, as a service shark. When Vox is in distress, Vark is so focused on trying to help with all the power of his tiny shark brain <3 Outside of that tho? He's a terror. He's so excitable. He canonically (in the old Voxtagram art) jumps on and knocks people over. This ties into him previously being a tiny adorable little thing. It was sooo cute when he jumped on your leg, back when he was the size of a large potato. It stayed cute up until they realized he was going to be so much bigger than they ever expected.

(It's like a bottle raised bull. The cute things they did when they were a little baby calf are no longer cute now that they're so large they are going to hurt you on accident just trying to be friendly and playful. RIP.)

Other service dog tasks for Vark: deep pressure therapy (of course. Interrupting behaviors such as when Vox is getting overwhelmed. Blocking to stop other people from getting too close to/touching Vox when he would shock them. I am forgetting so many things and will continue writing this list later

Vox doesn't do public access with Vark. This ties into my headcanons for Vox that he is deeply ashamed of himself and he cannot let anyone know he has problems ever.

Unfortunately, I am evil. So I also like the idea of Vark as an owner-trained service animal who is hmm not the perfect candidate for the job. In the same way shepherds aren't recommended for anxiety work, he can feed too much off of Vox's own emotions and has issues with guarding aggression that at times cause him to become reactive. (*points at my fanfic where he bites Val*)

I love bad representation.

Alsooo I don't like hammerhead sharks or animals that are too cartoon-y for me to understand as a real creature, so I'm making up a new design for Vark

Based on a Bonnethead Shark! Fun fact about Bonnethead Sharks: they are omnivorous! They eat seagrass :)

So Vark is omnivorous but unfortunately he's also like a tiger shark in that he'll eat anything even if it's not food. Tiger sharks have been found with license plates, tires, and other trash in their stomachs (sad)

Don't ask Vox how many times Vark has needed emergency exploratory surgery after eating something he shouldn't have. He doesn't want to talk about it.

Vark chews on wires like real sharks biting at undersea fiber optic cables. Chomp chomp

When Vark was a tiny baby, Velvette dressed him up in silly little outfits to post online. She doesn't do that anymore because he has mostly outgrown his cuteness stage for her: she only thought he was cute when he was little.

[averageallogene]

During the banquet at this year's Lantern Rite, Zhongli lets it slip that he's married.

Cue astonished exclaims, shocked gasps and incessant questioning.

After the banquet, Xiao wonders out-loud if he should call Adapti!You 'mom'.

Xiao ☆⊹˚ Mortal customs (SFW)

fem. reader (3rd person) ; fluff. Zhongli x reader is a thing. Traveler’s gender is not specified so the reader can imagine either Lumine or Aether!

2k words.

notes. Sorry for the wait there! It’s been a rough couple of days but now I’m back, even if still under the weather.... I had a lot of fun writing this one up though. Xiao deserves the absolute best and this idea lets me channel just that  even if by a small portion <3.

The current situation inside the chosen restaurant had Xiao questioning why he’d agreed on attending. Despite both Rex L- Ahem, Zhongli and the traveler attending, he still found himself rather tense with all the other unknown presences surrounding him. The adeptus simply couldn’t understand the ways of mortal interactions, for making small talk wasn’t exactly the forté of a soldier like himself. His golden eyes would, more often than not, not wander far from the plated food before him, wondering if he should even try anything. His mind raced wildly, trying his hardest to think if what he was doing would be deemed inappropriate - after all, he’d been invited to attend the dinner, surely eating the food would be a sign of appreciation. Yet, not accustomed to anything other than almond tofu, he found himself hesitating. 

Why was Xiao trying so hard? Well, he found himself curious about trying to approach the ways of mortal living in his exiled instance. The yaksha was rather short-tempered when it came to understanding something so foreign and so mundanely complex as that to him, yet for Zhonlgi to seemingly seem so… Happy, so free as he lived as a mortal, surely there were a few benefits he was misunderstanding. And to tackle the topic, it eased him the reality that to his side sat the traveler, a companion he’d grown to cherish through the time they had spent together. Xiao wasn’t one to voice his thoughts a lot, but he hoped his thankfulness for the patience shown to him was known. 

He’d winced quietly upon the sudden arrival of the bard, his face gleefully smiling as he was properly introduced to the Funeral Consultant. He couldn’t even look, his chest bubbling with the unknown emotion that many would explain as second hand embarrassment as the two archons attempted to act civil to the other attendees. The young man dressed in green, Venti, was quick to showcase his lyre as he joined them in their feast, him and the organizer of the dinner discussing poetry as the other mortals joined in on the topic. In his seat, he could only pick at his food as the traveler engaged in small talk with him, inquiring if there was anything else he’d like to try that was at the table.

Xiao could only remain semi interested in the ongoing conversation, unintentionally letting his mind wander to his own duties as his ears focused in and out of what the others spoke of. In fact, the only times he’d fully focus were whenever Zhongli had something to share with their table, his gaze finally lifting to eye him directly before once more shying away to any other corner of the room. He couldn’t exactly help himself, his respect for the man surpassed his otherwise shut off personality. Well, it wasn’t as though anyone could question it, anyway. Most were either too focused on the interesting conversation Venti had with Zhongli, or deeply respected the Consultant in their own way that the idea of focusing on anything he had to say wasn’t considered an odd response. 

However, out of every intriguing fact he’d shared with them that night, one seemed to catch everyone off guard.

“Xingqiu, that poem you’ve just recited is most intriguing. In which book did you read it, again? My wife would absolutely enjoy such fine literature.”

The table seemingly froze still, everyone taking a long moment to try and process what they’d just heard. Whilst Xingqiu, Chongyun and Xiangling seemed mostly receptive to such a concept, the rest of the table’s reactions made them question such mundanity. Hu Tao was still up from her seat, her gaze locked to the back of the head of her Consultant as she processed the news and beyond. The traveler gazed at Xiao slowly, watching as the adeptus himself seemed taken aback to such news. Paimon appeared to freeze mid air, for once not saying anything as her eyes squinted at the idea of a married Zhongli. Venti, on the other hand, couldn’t help the way his eyebrows raised, a sly smile making its way to his face as he finally broke the silence.

“Ho ho? So mister Zhongli has a wife? Well isn’t that the most wonderful news! Certainly something that this bard couldn’t have predicted, that’s for sure.” He chuckled in the end there, serving his own cup with more wine as Zhongli quietly took a sip of his tea.

“Mhm… Is that so?” He responded, his tone calm as if he hadn’t just dropped a meteor of information on everyone. 

“My my, Zhongli! Why didn’t you tell me so earlier?” Hu Tao gasped, utterly flabbergasted as pieces of the puzzle began to connect inside her brain. “So that is why there was a ring invoice brought directly to the parlor that one time!”

 “I thought I had explained myself regarding it, Director?” The man inquired ever so calmly, contrasting wildly with the way his superior gesticulated wildly.

“Simply explaining it to be an heirloom definitely isn’t enough to fully capture the picture!” She retorted.

“But it is precisely that. It’s intended to become an heirloom for years to come.”

“Ooooh Mister Zhongli, you’re quite the romantic!” The bard proclaimed, leaning forward on the table as he rested his chin on his hand. “Well, who is this lovely wife of yours anyway? You can’t just leave it at that, you know!”

“Yes, I do have to agree with our friend here.” Hu Tao mused, hands on her hips as she gave him a side eye. “I wish to know why this wasn’t brought to table prior to me booking our seats, for had I known you had a wife, I would’ve invited her as well, of course!”

“I wasn’t aware this was such a grand deal, my apologies.” Zhongli defended himself, serving himself more tea as he cleared his throat. “My wife, [F/N], just has a lot on her plate and said she couldn’t possibly attend tonight. So, I left it at that. Oh, but since we’re on the topic, she voiced her wishes for everyone to have a wonderful Lantern Rite.”

“Ah, but you’re saying that now?” The Funeral Director sighed, arms crossing as she shook her head. “Aiya, Zhongli. How could you not mention something as important as this before?”

“... ‘As important’?...” Xiao had murmured to himself, his gaze lowering as he attempted to still fully understand the situation. No one but the traveler had heard his voice, the gears in his head practically being envisioned as he tried to once more grasp something that differed to a grand degree between mortals and adepti. 

“Everything alright, Xiao?” The traveler had asked, gaze twisting with slight worry as a small smile graced their lips. 

“Uh, yes, you needn't worry.” He cleared his throat, though his eyes betrayed the rest of his body. 

Between the ruckus of Zhongli being thoroughly questioned about his married life, the two could quietly chat for a brief moment, Xiao being able to have his doubt clarified as the traveler had grown quite good at reading his troubles.

“I too was surprised at the news,” They’d explained with a quick laugh, before inquiring Xiao. “Is it because it’s out of the norm for adepti to marry?”

“N-No, it’s not that,” He responded in a quick breath, his sharp eyebrows furrowing slightly as he thought of the few adepti he’d known to find a spouse. “I suppose it’s just that… I don’t understand how it can be the cause of such a ruckus. Even if I myself am surprised.”

“Oh, I see,” They nodded their head with an understanding hum, quickly deciphering what he really meant. To the traveler, it would’ve seemed that the way adepti viewed marriage was as something more natural and perhaps rational, as opposed to the grand reactions humans would typically have whenever one announced they were married. “Well, I think it boils down to how human life is far shorter than that of an adeptus, so every opportunity of celebration is cause for a grand reaction. You can rest assured they’re just happy for Zhongli, though.”

“I see… I suppose that makes sense.” He’d nodded his head quickly before stealing a quick glance to Zhongli, watching as he attempted to respond to every question thrown his way. 

How they had met, how it had developed, who proposed and when… The consultant responded to every inquiry with patience and fondness, and Xiao almost felt guilty for never truly realizing Zhongli had found someone special. Even worse, strangely now he felt… Curious, to meet this woman. Would she be a mere mortal, or perhaps someone of adeptal blood? Either way, for Zhongli to have chosen her, she had to be someone of exceptional grace and excellence, someone that deserved his utter respect no matter what else. It was as though he’d already made his mind up, now only having to have the courage to ask if he could meet her. 

“Say, if I plan another dinner in the future, will you introduce her to us?” Hu Tao had seemingly read his thoughts, smiling with expectancy as everyone eyed Zhongli for his response.

“I see no reason not to. She would surely love to meet you all.” He responded without much thought, the corners of his lips raising into a small, warm smile. “You��ll all see, [F/N] is a wonderful woman with the most radiant soul. I’m most lucky to have her as my beautiful wife. Ah, perhaps I can ask if she’d be willing to share her own poetry with you. She underestimates her choice of words too often, yet I’ve never before listened to such fine-”

“Yes, yes, we get it,” Hu Tao cut him short, smiling with humor to watch her Consultant with such hearts in his eyes. “We would definitely love to meet her, as well.”

“Please do not forget to invite me when that dinner does occur! I’ll ask our lovely traveler to ensure the date reaches me, lest I be forgotten.” Venti winked playfully, turning to Zhongli with humor. “I would not want to miss meeting such a beloved person of mister Zhongli after all.”

“Right… Of course.” It was the Consultant’s turn to murmur with slight hesitancy, yet he still sighed softly and let it be. Even with someone as brazen as the bard present, he’d like to introduce his beloved [F/N] to all the others. He’d ensure no boundaries were ever crossed, of course.

And just like that, the dinner ended with everyone still pressing Zhongli to ensure his wife attended the next gathering Hu Tao prepared. They nearly made the man sign a contract for it, his superior joking about it before finally allowing everyone to leave. He could breathe easy upon reaching the cool air outside, eyes gazing ahead as he found solace in the night sounds of Liyue Harbor. All he had to do now was to get back to his humble abode, waiting for his [F/N] to return before they could retire for the evening. His daydreaming was cut short as the traveler bid them goodnight, waving politely as he watched them disappear with Paimon into the distance. Before long, all that was left were him and Xiao, and knowing the young man as well as he did, Zhongli knew there was something he wished to inquire if he had remained around. 

“How have you been faring, Xiao?” He had politely asked, his arms resting behind his back as he eyed his pupil with a warm expression.

Xiao always felt comfortable around him. There had always been a sense of easiness around the man he couldn’t always explain, all his problems seemingly disappearing for a moment as he basked in the security Zhongli provided. Even if he was no longer an archon, Xiao always felt safe around him, like there was no evil to be purged, like there was no war inside his mind. The yaksha knew he could confide absolutely anything in the man, for there was no fear in being judged, no fear of being rejected. Yet, he respected him so much, it almost felt insulting to even confide such trivial matters. His mind jumped back and forth even after hearing Zhongli ask about his wellness, his gaze lowering for a moment as he pondered for a moment longer.

“Z-Zhongli.” He’d cleared his throat, correcting himself before he’d call him by the name he used during his active godhood. It definitely felt strange, yet with the way the man calmly hummed for him to continue, he figured he had the approval to continue. “I wanted to ask for something, if I may?”

“But of course. What’s on your mind?” He patiently asked, slightly humored. After all, Xiao had never been one to request anything. During the long time they’d been allies, he’d always been the one to read the young yaksha’s mind and figure out his wishes. It was a welcomed change of pace for him to take initiative, he had to admit.

“I was wondering if…” Xiao paused for a moment, before finding the courage to continue. “If, before this… Dinner, the Director spoke of, I could perhaps meet [F/N] by myself?”

Zhongli’s expression softened, his eyebrows raising with a hint of surprise. He couldn’t help the smile from raising to his face, finding the curiosity of the adeptus rather endearing. He let out a soft chuckle, before nodding his head prior to Xiao being able to grow hesitant of having asked such a request.

“But of course. When would it be a good time for you?”

“I… I’m not sure, i-it’ll be alright either way. I hope she doesn’t quite mind-”

“[F/N] wouldn’t ever mind, Xiao. She’s expressed interest in meeting you before.”

“Really?” He breathed out softly, a little surprised as he watched his role model nod his head.

“Indeed. I’ve spoken of you, after all.”

Xiao couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten, a feeling of flusteredness growing within himself as he simply hummed in response. He could only hope [F/N] would not only accept his presence, but also not be affected by it. After all, his karmic debt was always something that deeply worried him whenever he was to be around mortals. 

“You needn’t worry over anything, Xiao. I’m certain she will be instantly fond of you.” Zhongli placed a warm hand on his shoulder, one that radiated an easing sensation throughout his worn out body. The yaksha, who despite all the doubts swarming his mind always put his trust in Zhongli above, nodded his head upon hearing so. 

“I… I’ve heard of a few mortal customs through Verr Goldet…” He mumbled quietly, more so becoming lost in his own thoughts than speaking to Zhongli's direction. “Hmph, mortal etiquette is so overly complex, but… What was it…”

The former archon couldn’t help himself but remain quiet, letting his pupil be engrossed in his thoughts as he thought aloud. It was different from the ever silent yaksha, so Zhongli had no reason to stop him. If anything, he was proud of watching as he grew more comfortable to ever voice his own thoughts aloud.

“It was something regarding familial bonds, I believe.” Xiao explained, his fingers resting softly against his own chin. “Would it be… Too cold of me, to call [F/N] by her name alone? Perhaps I ought to call her ‘mother’ instead?”

Zhongli’s expression shifted, the man taking a mere moment to process the information. It was his turn of being surprised for the night it would seem, the information hitting him deep in his chest with an endearing warmth. He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly, ripping the yaksha out of his thoughts as he eyed him incredulously. It would’ve seemed that he really hadn’t intended on actually speaking it aloud, the tips of his ears gaining the same vivid red shade of the jueyun chili. Zhongli however, was quick to beat him to the punch and spoke before he could take anything back.

“I’m sure [F/N] would love that.” He replied, much to Xiao’s embarrassment. “In fact, I’m certain that doing so will be the quickest way to earn your spot in her heart.”  Ah, Zhongli has never recalled seeing Xiao teleport away as quickly as he did. The man was left to laugh quietly by himself, smiling as he thought back to the moment time and time again as he walked back home. Now he surely wanted to have the yaksha meet his lovely [F/N].

[aliensleia]

just a medic. (simon riley x gn!reader)

Summary: Simon (Ghost) Riley finds himself infatuated with Bravo Team’s field medic.

Warnings: Mentions of military lingo,and  death.

A/N: Hey! This story was inspired by a headcanon I found on TikTok made by the user @/nicoledawsonwrites. I hope you all enjoy and please reblog/like if you did, it really helps my account reach more people! This story has the possibility of multiple parts. Also, sorry if some military jargon is inaccurate. This is just for fun! - Aurora

— 

 He noticed. He always noticed.

Ghost paid close attention to your every move. Some would classify such behavior as creepy or stalker-ish, but he didn’t see it that way.

No, he was keeping a watchful eye over you. Making sure you didn’t make any stupid mistakes, and if you did, he’d be there to help you.

He will never forget the first time he saw you. Bravo Team and himself were responsible for a capture or kill assignment targeting a known terrorist organization leader. As he walked up and down the jet’s floor, barking orders at his men before the landing, he caught a glimpse of you. Your small frame contrasted against the bulky gear and muscular bodies surrounding you. He glanced down at your vest, noticing your medical equipment bag and your military medic patch. 

Field Medic, Ghost thought to himself. He had never seen you before. You looked young, making him wonder how quickly you climbed the ranks in your training to be where you currently are.

The mission was unsuccessful, many casualties and injuries were sustained during the fighting. Throughout the chaos, he found himself wondering where you were. He couldn’t shake the thought of you, weaving through the bodies on the battlefield, attempting to save as many as you could. 

Back at the base, Bravo Team and Task Force 141 were debriefing the unfortunate events of the mission. Multiple casualties, many injured, and the leader of the terrorist organization had escaped with no sign of where they were heading. The mood in the boardroom was grim, but General Shephard had good news concerning the well-being of the injured soldiers.

“Due to _________’s quick work, it’s looking like the injured will have to endure minimal recovery time. You boys should see them in a matter of weeks.”

That was the first time he heard your name. 

Now, you were Bravo Team’s assigned field medic. Ghost saw you often on base, walking and conversing with other members of your team happily. To him, you seemed too young and carefree for your line of work. He had never spoken to you, and planned to keep it that way. Ghost had a way of scaring people off.

At least that was his plan.

While on a mission in Switzerland, Bravo Team and Task Force 141 were ordered to invade a terrorist intel base in hopes of retrieving information on the group’s leader. Things got messy, and Ghost was too preoccupied to notice a bullet had grazed his left bicep. The mission was labelled successful, as no casualties were counted and intel was found of the terrorist leader. However, Ghost was left with a blood-soaked shirt and much-needed medical assistance

In the plane on the way back to the base, field medic _________ stitched up his arm. This was when Ghost began to really notice you.

As you took care of him, Ghost couldn’t help but watch you. He watched your gentle fingers clean up his gash. He watched your nose scrunch as you focused on threading the stitching needle. He watched you place your hand on his uninjured arm, gaze into his eyes, and say “This is going to be painful.” before you begin stitching his wound.

He laid in bed that night thinking of how soft you were with him. How you seemed to deeply care about his well-being. Ghost hadn’t experienced anything like that in a long, long time. It was nice that someone appeared to care for him. He found himself wondering what it might be like if you only cared for him in that way. But before his mind could venture too far, he reminded himself of who you really are. Just a medic.

Ghost continued to be taken care of by you after missions. He liked it. In fact, he liked being taken care of by you a little too much. Over his many battlefield injuries, he began to learn your little quirks. He knew that you hated the smell of the sanitizing alcohol pads you had to use so often. You said it reminded you of some bad memories as a child. He knew that you always had a difficult time threading the stitching needle. You said you used to have trouble with it in training as well. But most importantly, Ghost knew that you cared for him. After everytime you took care of his injuries, you’d grab onto his arm, look him in the eyes and say “Please be more careful. I don’t like to see you hurt.”

Those two sentences were enough to send Ghost into a blushing fit beneath his mask. Everytime you said those words to him, he’d think about it all night long. In his uncomfortable bunk, he’d lie awake replaying the entire scenario in his head over and over again. Eventually, just the memories of you became too little. He wanted to be with you all of the time, but more importantly, he wanted to keep himself safe for you. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you through his actions.

Ghost tried to keep his mind clear of you, he really did. But, he couldn’t help but look at you every chance he got. You were quickly infiltrating his every thought. During team meetings his eyes would always drift to your seat in the room.  He started matching up his meal times with yours, just so he could watch you eat in the cafe. When he went on missions, he tried to exhibit self-preservation. He no longer took life-threatening risks on the battlefield for the sake of a win. He was still the same soldier, just a little safer. 

Then, Ghost’s world came crashing down.

In the jet on the way back from a mission in Al Mazrah, he found himself sitting next to you. It truly wasn’t intentional, but Ghost took full advantage of his position.

“So, how’d you end up here?” Ghost said, placing his elbows on his thighs as he adjusted himself in his seat.

This was the first time Ghost had tried to make conversation with you outside of you fixing up his injuries. He was trying to be polite, something he was not used to being.

“Um, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my career.” You said, unsure of the situation. “So, I ended up enlisting.” Ghost had never tried to have a conversation with you, so why was he engaging now?

Ghost nodded his head in response, nervously fidgeting with the fraying strings hanging from his gloves. 

“How old are you?” Ghost asked, trying to keep his voice down so the men surrounding the two of you wouldn’t hear.

“Old enough.” 

The teasing tone of your sent chills down Ghost’s spine. He looked over at you and saw the small smile you were giving him. 

I’m so fucked. Ghost thought to himself. The suggestive tone in your voice had wrecked his mind and body, sending him into flustered shock.

He looked over at you once again. Now, you were distracted. The several rolls of bandages in your medic bag were on your lap and you attempted to organize them. Ghost noticed the thin layer of sweat on your arms and face, glistening in the low light of the jet. Your lips parted and you breathed heavily while attempting to focus on your task at hand. 

Ghost was really glad he wore a mask. Otherwise, his blushing cheeks would have been obvious. He tried his best to position himself in a way where his growing erection wouldn’t be noticeable. 

He was in deep shit now.

Ghost hadn’t been attracted to anyone like this in his entire life. This wasn’t just some schoolyard crush. No, he was infatuated with you. Not only did you give him loving attention, but you were also insanely attractive. 

Ghost went straight to his bunk when the jet arrived back at the base. Truth be told, he was freaking out. He didn’t even know how to regulate his current emotions, he couldn’t add in this now. As he laid in his bed, Ghost thought of all of the ways he could put an end to these feelings.

He couldn’t find a solution.

[loveemagicpeace]

💙Astro Notes💙

🌙Cancer moon people always give preference to others and are such unselfish people. People don't see and appreciate that enough. You really want to be here for everyone. I think that these people also want to be independent of the family and actually many times struggle with that.

🌞North node in the first house is quite difficult. You are always divided between yourself and others. Many times you really want to withdraw from others and be independent. You rarely pick yourself over others because you feel guilty if you choose youself. These people should choose themselves many times and be selfish.

🍓If you feel at home with any sign, it's Cancer. They always make you feel welcome and have such a more comfortable & cozy vibe.

🥦Geminis and Virgos take mental illnesses very well. And they talk about it openly. They are well aware of the things they are doing and are quick to recognize if they have any mental illness.

🦋It is difficult for pisces to realize if something is wrong with them, many times they don't even notice it and things seem completely normal to them. I also notice that many times they deny the problems they have.

🫀Neptune in 3rd house could also means that the person is a good liar. People can get the wrong idea about what you're talking about.! It can also mean manipulating people. It depends on how the sign develops in the person. But these people have veryy smooth voice. It gives you a relaxing vibe.

✨Virgo Mars are obsessed with always having everything organized and tidy. They want everything to be in place. And they don't like spontaneous situations, they prefer that everything is planned.

🦂Placements of scorpios is a curse and a blessing at the same time. You feel that you have power, you are aware of your power, you do things with passion, you are a deep person, you can immediately see the truth, you analyze everything, you never betray people you love and when you love - you love with all your heart. But you are an intense person who feels everything more strongly than others, your depth knows no bounds, your anger is strong and passionate, you feel betrayal as if someone killed a part of you. You carry secrets inside you that only you know. And people don't understand how hard it is sometimes to be calm and understand. Because you feel everything so intensely and deeply that sometimes it's too much. At the same time, you like people to feel the same way.

❣️Moon in Sagittarius - these people are often so independent that they basically don't let others help them. And their energy is sometimes a little confusing. Many times their emotions also turn into something else. Sometimes I have the feeling that they just turn off their emotions.

🌊Libra & Scorpio both signs are focused on relationships with people. Only in a different way. Libras like to see the beauty in a relationship. They like to show romantic things, the positive side of the relationship and diplomacy. In a way, they want the perfect romantic relationship. Scorpios focus on the deep side of a relationship. They like to see dark things and secrets that are not visible to everyone. They like the ugly side of people. They want to show the relationship in a passionately mysterious but sexual way.

💘The difference between scorpio mercury & sagittarius mercury is that both are direct and honest but in a different way. Sagittarius will say something and not think about how it will turn out or how the person will accept it. They just say honestly but in a rude way. They don't say anything personal, but what they say sounds rudely direct. Scorpio always analyze things and many times they make a deliberate move. Theydon’t embellish words, but tell them as they are, but also use emotions. They tell you the ugly truth and stab you in the heart with their words.

🔥 Mars that person have shows , the energy they give and how strongly they persist in a conflict or with a person and in general with things in life. How quickly they withdraw from the situation. Someone with Pisces Mars won't stick around for long but will rather retreat when things get tough. Person will think a lot about the problem and the situation, but it will take the person a long time to face it. Someone who has Gemini in Mars will quickly forget the problem and start changing the subject. With geminis, it's not that they don't want to face a problem, but they just get bored very quickly. Someone with Mars in Sagittarius will have a very impulsive approach to the situation and will want to resolve the problem. But the reactions will be quite fiery. They'll want to get it resolved right away. They hate to wait.

-Rebekah🦋🫀🌊

[nogacheloveka-blog]

The Bad Sanses somehow ended up in the Backrooms. №10

next 11

prev 9

This is the translation of the another post from Russian to English. I understand English, but it is very difficult for me to write in English, so I asked chat GPT to help me. I have corrected some parts, but there still may be mistakes.

I think I'm getting lazy: they're so small on such a big space, Nightmare and Error are hidden. But I'm happy with the picture I made.

And haha, a little celebration. 10 pictures!

I really hope my English skills are enough to properly convey what's happening here=)

After some time, the group had to leave the hospitality of Temmy (Nightmare could finally breathe out with relief. The positive energy that was so overwhelming for him was finally bearable). The level 4 was safe enough, just like the level 0, with the exception of natural light sources like windows. The weather on the other side of the glass would sometimes change. No monsters or people were met on their way. No people or monsters were met for most of the time.

As always, Error sent his strings ahead of the group to know what was waiting for them. Nightmare's sensitivity to auras of negative emotions was decreasing, which was unpleasant. But this could be explained by the distortion of space in this place and, what was even more worrying, the absence of refreshment. Thanks to the group and occasional negative coming through the pipes, Nightmare didn't have to worry about his survival. But this was nothing compared to the refreshment of the whole multiverse. He was already feeling less aggressive and egoistic. At first, this was part of the survival strategy, and now it was starting to sink in deeper.

All these small external changes. All these internal changes. He was a little concerned that he didn't notice anything similar in the others.

During the time they were idle, Error started knitting himself a new scarf. He was deeply wounded by how foolishly he had lost his previous scarf, unable to stay focused for long and appearing even more agitated after his attempts. The tangled yarn was thrown away in a long drawer of one of the computer tables.

Killer was hiding. His absence looked very strange, but Error was keeping an eye on him (thanks to the blue thread in his zip-up jacket, Error knew that Killer was actively crafting something ).

Dust Horror and Cross were systematically organizing the records. From time to time, Error joined them (observing how Destroyer could do creative teamwork was quite fascinating). Nightmare checked the work done. While doing this, he even managed to recognize some unsigned maps from the notebook he had bought from Temmy.

At last, the paperwork was finished. Nightmare tried to map the route, but was disappointed by some contradictions in the information he had received. Some levels were reached through a mysterious "noclip". (Even after the explanation from Error, this way of moving seemed unreliable). Sometimes the exits and entrances on some levels didn't match what was indicated on other levels. He concluded that it would be much easier to find ways to freely move to levels-crossroads than to move one level after another.

However, it was clear that in this place, there were familiar things to all the Sanses "shortcuts": people who couldn't control this phenomenon, described it as touching objects that would take them to some levels or places. This was useful. It seemed that this dimension had taken some pieces of AU or a couple of original timelines. (It seemed artificial.)

Also, it was worth reconsidering one's attitude towards supplies. Previously, all the Almond Water was collected for Horror, Cross, and Killer, who needed food the most. Even though Dust didn't feel hungry (which worried everyone), he sometimes took water from Cross. According to new data, they all should drink it from time to time. This became a problem. But so far, there were no issues with finding Almond Water.

They lingered long enough in one place, it was time to continue their journey. Their goal now was

to find the old staircase and reach level 5.

Just simple wandering as before. The bad guys bid farewell to the Temmy store location.

Along the way, they encountered worn rooms with flickering lights, spacious coworking spaces with the constant hum of computers and the ghostly sound of keys clacking, empty rooms flooded with light from panoramic windows. On one of the local nights, they even saw a full moon. The journey seemed safe.

Until Error's strings stumbled upon what they all didn't want to find.

A warm, tall body containing a human soul. Reflexively, Error pulled on the strings towards himself, as he had done before, but almost immediately stopped, alerting the group to his discovery. Almost immediately, the strings touched several more people, apparently drawn by the cries for help from their captured comrade.

Error rarely encountered adult people (children were enough of a hassle), so he didn't overreact to Nightmer's suggestion to observe their opponents for the first time and then disappear.

The room where they were looked empty at first glance, but Nightmare and Error found a hidden place behind decorative panels on the ceiling. The rest of the group hid in the shadows of columns and the room wrapped in blue strings.

For a while, no one showed up. Then, cautiously emerging from around the corner, heavily armed men appeared. They carefully scanned the area, gradually moving along the room. The group of people maintained silence and communicated through gestures, unseen by the skeletons. Only the faint creaking and metallic clinking of their gear gave away their presence.

During this time, Nightmare studied the emotions of the people. They fed him fear with a bitter taste of hope. They were scared of the new and unknown, yet somehow it also made them hopeful for something. Digging deeper, Nightmare sensed their very light and delicate madness, similar to Error's madness when he first emerged from the Antivoid. However, people seemed to handle it much better or had grown accustomed to this state. Nightmare realized that their group could potentially exploit this in the future.

Fortunately, there was no trace of magic in these people. Their DETERMINATION was no greater than usual for humans. Yet there was still something inexplicable about them... In the multiverse, there were AU's consisting entirely of humans. This dimension-killer was made up of AU's in part. But these people. There was something absolutely off about them. They seemed denser. It reminded him of Horror, whose bones were mostly made of real bone tissue, not magic like the others.

Error observed the movements of the people, not to pay attention to thoughtful Nightmer. He really wanted the fight to begin. T0 h3 W1N aga1n.

T0 r1s3.

Th3y w3r3 ju5t a p1l3 0f r3j3cts.

Th31r s0ul5 W3r3 n0t r3d. H3 c0uld g1v3 th3m a nICE blu3 m0m3nt. M4K3 th3m u53ful. 1f th3 ab0m1nabl3 an0mal13s ar3 1nd33d R̶̛͇̖̊rcccce̷͔̝̭͛eǟ̴̢͙l̸̡̰͒ḯ̵̤̊̚еtttt̵͖͈͝͠yyyy̴͔͑,~-----

Error went into reboot. Nightmer removed his hand from the face of the Destroyer. It seemed like the only right decision. Quite rough, but effective. He failed to notice the escalation of Error's mental problems and should have left this place as quickly as possible while they all still had time. Now definitely was not the time to provoke a fight.

The piercingly loud screech from Error caused a flash of fear in the frozen group of people. And Nightmare fanned this flash into a flame of panic. Someone among human group screamed, dropping something. Someone ran with a loud sound. Someone pressed against the glass, from where the "sun" light poured, wildly surveying the room. Bustle began, in which Nightmare's subordinates slipped forward, and he, taking Error with him, teleported.

Fragments of blue threads swayed behind them, causing another flash of horror at their backs.

Nightmare belongs to Jokublog Killer belongs to RahafWabas Dust belongs to Ask-DustTale Horror belongs to Sour-Apple-Studios Error belongs to CrayonQueen Cross belongs to JakeiArtwork

[anabdaniels]

Cowboytober Day 13- Daddy kink/DDLG

Paring: Agent Whiskey x Plus Size Female Reader

Word counting: 2k

Rating: 18+

Warning: Oral (f receiving), praising, undertones of body worship, low self-esteem, spooning sex.

Masterlist

Part 2: Cowboytober Day 29.

Jack had procrastinated his retirement from the agent life for a good amount of time, always thinking that he could stay on the field for a few more time, but when he realized that you two would end up getting married, he didn’t hesitate to end his career as an agent; he couldn’t bear the idea of how much you would suffer if something serious happened to him and just his work at the distillery was enough stress for him. Furthermore, his time already was well spent taking care of you, after all, you weren’t just his wife, but also daddy’s good girl.

When you decided to tell him that you were into all the daddy stuff, you were ready to receive a no about it but ended up that Jack seemed deeply interested in the whole concept, asking you a lot of questions about it and, after he spent a few days pondering and doing unending researches, you two were finally sitting to discuss how it would work and establish limits and rules.

After the first practical try, you were a bit incredulous about the fact that he wasn’t familiar with such a thing, because he was damn good with it, almost like a natural talent, especially when it comes to finding a good balance between pampering and discipline you. Jack spoiled you rotten every single day, but he was strict with rules; thanks to his businessman side, you had a carefully planned list of daily activities to do, and you couldn’t cheat about it, he would carefully inspect if you had done everything and you could bet, he would give you a punishment for it, even that he was too soft-hearted to give you hard penalties.

On that afternoon, you were focused on the task you had: organizing all your stationary material. Usually, you had more than one thing to do, but at the weekends it used to be only one or two easy tasks, just to keep you entertained while Jack was around the ranch taking care of the animals.

When you were taking a final look at your now perfectly aligned desk, you heard Jack entering the bedroom, and looked directly at him with a proud smile, expecting his reaction excitedly, still sitting on your chair.

“Well, well, seems that my baby had worked hard while I was out.” He smiled while resting his hands on your shoulders and kissing the top of your head.

“I’m still not sure about organizing it by color.” You said while looking at the desk again.

“Don’t worry about that, you’ve done an incredible job, babygirl.” Jack grabbed your chin softly, making you look at him and kissing the tip of your nose “Now c’mere, darling.” He grabbed both of your hands, making you get up and walk towards the bed, sitting on its edge and placing you on his lap “You’ve behaved very well this week, so you’re getting a reward. Anything you want, my love.” He said calmly while caressing your hair.

“Anything?” you asked excitedly, smiling openly when he nodded “I already know what I want.” You affirmed while leaning forward to rub your face on his neck with your arms wrapped around his waist.

“What a naughty girl.” He chuckled and grabbed your thighs “Are you sure? From everything you can ask, that’s what you want?”

“Yes, I want you, daddy.” You answered rubbing your cheek on his jaw.

“Then you should receive.” He grabbed your face between his hands and kissed your lips softly for a brief moment “Help your old daddy and take off your dress.” You nodded and obeyed promptly, getting rid of your dress. Jack leaned back to take a good look at you, grabbing your thick waist, and caressing it gently. “Seems that someone is finally obeying the rule of no underwear at home.” He mentioned with a smirk and moved on the bed, lying you on your back “Does my beautiful girl have any special request?” you shook your head negatively and he smiled “You’re so easy to please, my love.” He approached his face of yours, kissing you slowly. You sighed softly and passed your arms around his neck, relaxing under his body.

Just when you needed to catch your breath, Jack moved down, kissing your neck and caressing the sides of your body, making you soften even more on the bed. He planted a soft kiss on the space between your breasts while cupping both of them and rubbing your nipples softly, making you sigh and squirm on the bed. He kept going down, kissing every inch of your chubby belly, moving one hand to caress your skin, and taking his time to caress and kiss your rounded lower stomach.

You could only whimper and grab his hair when he finally moved his mouth between your legs, directing all his attention to your needy clit while gently pinching your nipple with his other hand still on your lower stomach, massaging that region. You propped in one elbow to take a look at the whole scene, loving the vision of him buried between your legs, looking very pleased to be there, licking and sucking your clit with an unfair precision.

The hardest you were trying, your hips started to make small involuntary moves, which resulted in you choking on your breath when you moved against his face, making his nose and mustache rub slightly on you. You could hear his satisfied chuckle with that scene and he seemed to want to mess a bit more with you as he intensified his rhythm, putting a bit more pressure on your lower stomach, circling and rubbing your nipple with his fingertip.

As much as you wanted to enjoy it longer, you couldn’t resist that amazing view of your man so invested on please you and being so damn good at doing it. You allowed your body to be taken by that pleasure that had been growing in your womb, tightening your grip on his hair and moaning considerably loudly, getting even more wet as you reached your climax, collapsing on the bed right after it.

You honestly couldn’t say how long you remained with your eyes closed while calming yourself, the only thing you knew was the pleasant surprise you had when you opened your eyes, noticing that Jack had got rid of his clothes while you were catching your breath. He lay by your side, caressing your cheek softly while admiring your face.

“You look so pretty like that, my love. Now tell me, how would you like to receive your reward?” you thought for a moment and looked away, feeling stupid by the option you considered.

“It’s up to you, daddy. The one I’d like it’s not an option.” You answered the softest you could.

“I’m the one who’ll decide that, now tell me.” Despite being demanding, his tone was warm, when you shook your head negatively, Jack grabbed your chin, making you look at him “Sweetheart, daddy is demanding an answer. Don’t ruin your good behavior now, baby. Tell me what I want to know.”

“Spooning.” You answered in a low tone, closing your eyes for a moment.

“And why do you think it ain’t an option?” his tone kept soft and his fingers were still holding your chin.

“I know I’m too big for that.” You answered feeling your cheeks getting slightly red.

“Where did you get these absurd ideas from?” he chuckled and pulled you closed, giving you a soft peck on the lips “We’ll certainly discuss this later, but for now, I’ll give my precious girl what she wants.”

Gently, he turned your body on the bed, holding you from behind and kissing the curve of your neck, then moving his hand down, splitting your legs, letting your lower leg rest on top of his thigh. You bit your bottom lip and closed your eyes when the tip of his cock rubbed against your wet cunt, before he slid slowly inside you, letting you feel how every inch filled you.

Jack moved his hand up to your stomach, gently grabbing your soft flesh while kissing your shoulder and moving his hips at a constant calm pace. His other arm was under your neck, your head rested on his bicep while his hand laid on your chest, caressing your breasts. You moaned quietly and placed one hand on his forearm that was in your waist, and your other hand moved to squeeze your pillow.

Even if you needed to, you wouldn’t be able to remember when was the last time you had been so relaxed and comfortable as you were in that moment, feeling the warmth of Jack’s hands and body on your skin while making love with you was unquestioningly the best thing you ever felt.

You turned your head while reaching for him and Jack promptly got the message, approaching his face of yours and kissing you passionately, while still caressing your chubby tummy that he loved so much, he had even established a rule that he could give you a punishment if you kept with your mean comments about it or any other part of your body; he couldn’t accept your unfair criticism about the absolutely breathtaking beautiful body you had.

After some moments, you wondered if it had been a good idea to kiss him in such a pleasant position because you had plenty of awareness that you wouldn’t hold yourself back for too long, it felt so good to have him all over you like that. When you involuntarily squeezed his cock inside you, Jack got the confirmation he needed to be sure that you were close to your climax and he couldn’t be more thankful about it, once he knew he couldn’t last much longer. Having your beautiful curved body that close to his while he could touch every inch of your skin aroused the poor man to a whole new level.

Feeling his self-control about to betray him, Jack moved his hand down, touching your clit at the same pace he was thrusting into you, making you moan and squirm, sinking your nails into his forearm as he pushed you to the limit. When finally, you reached your orgasm, Jack whimpered quietly, moving his hand back to your stomach, groping the region slightly rougher than before. His hand that was on your chest moved to find yours, making you let go of the pillow, intertwining his fingers on yours, and squeezing your hand as he came deep inside you. Finally, both of you needed to recover your breaths, breaking the kiss, but keeping your faces closer. You moaned quietly as Jack kept moving, leading you to another orgasm, making you clench around him tighter than before as you enjoyed another climax.

When none of you two could handle it anymore, he started to decrease the move of his hips until he stopped completely, burying his face in your neck while he tried to get his composure back, both of you breathing heavily and sweating considerably. After a few minutes like that, even with the feeling of your skin sticky, you were about to fall asleep, getting a bit more awake when Jack kissed your cheek.

“Stay awake, darling.” He asked softly and you needed a lot of effort to open your eyes.

“But I’m tired, daddy.” You complained in a slurred voice.

“I know that, my angel.” He cupped your cheek and caressed it with his thumb “But you need a bath. You can take a nap after it.”

“Alright.” You answered in a lazy voice, rubbing your eyes to try to stay awake.

“And, by the way, since this was supposed to be your reward but I’ve enjoyed it as much or even more than you, you are still allowed to ask me anything you want.” He told you in a warm voice and kissed your forehead, carefully taking you in his arms and walking to the bathroom.

Cowboytober Masterlist

[boybff]

wait hiiiii hi hello bestie i didn’t know u like video essays!! i’ve been trying to find more to watch recently, do u have any other recs? about any topic 👀

HIIIIII bestie Robin, are you ready?? After harvesting my Youtube subscription and liked video lists here is what I have compiled. I'm gonna put my current top 5 video recommendations and then the rest of the list, under the cut, is organized by creator.

Why Are There So Many Confederate Vampires

The art of religious interpretation (midnight mass vs god’s not dead)

Defunctland: Walt Disney's City of the Future, E.P.C.O.T.

Hogwarts Legacy, JK Rowling, and Trans Advocacy

Cultural Inspirations in Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 1 - Water 

CHANNELS

biz barclay - hilarious, brilliant, my best friend who drinks wine and weaves me long insightful stories while sitting on the dresser or in the bathtub. The vast amount of knowledge, historical 

understanding snapewives: religion, fandom, sociology, & erotica

Goncharov (1973) video essay

The art of religious interpretation (midnight mass vs god’s not dead)

Xiran Jay Zhao - Author of one of my FAVE YA novels, “Iron Widow” (which is a MUST read). I always want more avatar content that focuses on cultural inspirations from trusted sources. Xiran taught me so much about the avatar universe I already loved as well as valuable critiques. They also do retellings of historical events such as- Bisexual Han Dynasty Emperors and Forgotten Warrior Queen - Fu Hao.

Cultural Inspirations in Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 1 - Water 

Cultural Inspirations in Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 2 - Earth 

Cultural Inspirations in Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 3 - Fire 

Fundie Fridays - Jen, a leftist queer feminist, and her husband James examine different aspects of Christian fundamentalism, American conservative politics and pop culture. She has remade a lot of her older videos so make sure to watch the updated versions! She was also featured in the Amazon docuseries “Shiny Happy People” which I would HIGHLY recommend. 

Vacation Bible School of Rock (3 part video series History of Contemporary Christian Music)

Ken Ham’s Creation Museum & Ark Encounter

Ask a Mortician - Caitlin Doughty!!! The adult Wednesday Addams we should have got. So compassionate, informed, and moving!! I love her work and she has taught me so much about what it means to have a relationship with death and grief. Her work deals with heavy topics and you can tell she does this work from a deeply respectful, informed place. 

The Lake That Never Gives Up Her Dead

Let’s Visit the Churches Made of Human Skulls

Why are Black and White Funeral Homes STILL Separate? With Dr. Kami Fletcher

Iconic Corpse Series

Princess Weekes -  Nuanced video essays on pop culture, race, feminism, and other social issues. Takes time to break down complex concepts, their origins and material consequences. The essay on confederate vampires and the connection later made to sci-fi media like Firefly were so paradigm shifting to me!

Why Are There So Many Confederate Vampires

The Magical Negroes of Stephen King

Ro Ramdin - Poetic, biting, and introspective essays on pop culture. 

Do Celebrities Hate Their Fans? (Doja Cat, Frank Ocean)

Hogwarts Legacy, JK Rowling, and Trans Advocacy

DefunctLand- History of extinct theme parks and themed entertainment experiences. 

Defunctland: Walt Disney's City of the Future, E.P.C.O.T.

Disney Channel’s Theme: A History Mystery

Mina Le - Fashion, movies and pop culture

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO UGLY: The Curse of Modernism

FAIRYTALE COSTUMES: it’s giving renfaire but why?

Quinton Reviews - Extensive videos covering niche topics, most popular for Nickelodeon deep dive retrospectives.

How Documentaries Lie to You

The ICarly/Victorious Saga Playlist

TheEpicNate315 - yea i fucking love endless hours of useless skyrim lore because the conspiracies are so deep and I have to do 0 of the research to get all of the information years of scouts worked to piece together! 

The Skyrim Mysteries Iceberg (Part 1 of 4)

The Fallout Mysteries Iceberg (Part 1 of 2, incomplete series)

Mike’s Mic - Silly, goofy, and thorough breakdowns of nostalgic TV shows

Any of his unhinged recaps - LOST, Pretty Little Liars, Glee

Tiffanyferg - Media criticism and commentary

Internet Analysis Series 

Zoë Ligon - sex educator, artist, and writer, who also owns SpectrumBoutique.com, a health and education oriented sex toy store. Such a special place in my heart for her!! Her bondage mini-documentary with Midori was so touching. 

Sex Stuff | Japanese Rope Bondage with Midori

Channels Newer to Me

Broey Deschanel - a mixture of film analyses, retrospectives, politics and just absolutely overthinking anything to do with pop culture

Elvis (2022) and the Utter Mediocrity of Biopics 

Meeptop - rambling about movies and stuff

Who is Dahmer Even Made For?

LadyJenevia - discussing entertainment media content including films, television series, etc. Expect to find reviews of recent cinematic releases, video essays on older releases, and interviews with talent from the film/television industry

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery and The Art of Hiding in Plain Sight (Netflix Review/Video Essay)

As a disclaimer, I am not endorsing any creator fully and if you see someone you think I should not promote please reach out to me so I can edit this list. As a general rule of thumb the more I had to write about someone, the more informed the recommendation.

[evillemons]

BTS MBTI types

Controversial? Sort of? I am not an MBTI expert by any means, nor do I think it should be taken too seriously, but it's fun to analyze the boys nonetheless. I would love to hear what other people think :) See the MBTI types of their girlfriends here, and the masterlist for other fun content.

RM - INFJ

There seems to be a huge debate around whether Namjoon is an INFJ or ENFP, and while I see both in him, I lean towards the former. He is incredibly introspective (if not a little brooding) and intrinsically wise. He is often misunderstood and claims to feel like an “outsider”, which is characteristic of INFJs. He really does strike me as the lone wolf type - a uniquely insightful, intelligent, and open-minded leader that bears a heavy burden in order to make a difference in the world. He truly is a one of a kind, deeply special human being.

SUGA - INTJ

I am not sold on Yoongi as an INTJ because he also suits INTP and ISTP, and he even has a more visible sympathetic side lately. However, he is theoretical, speculative, organized, and practical like an INTJ. He’s extremely logical and hard working, and has a hard time expressing his feelings or receiving affection. He is also highly reserved, independent, and somewhat perfectionistic and likes to have control over his work. INTJ’s are known as one of the most intelligent types, and that comes through in the form of his musical innovation.

V - ENFP

Tae’s unusually creative thought process, emotional vulnerability, social nature, and spontaneity render him a pretty clear ENFP. ENFP’s are enthusiastic, imaginative creators who are people-oriented and expressive communicators. They often drawn to the abstract and intuitive nature of art and love to search for deeper meanings within humanity. V also highly values his individuality and freedom, and comes across as unconventional and mysterious.

j-hope - ESFJ

This ray of sunshine is undoubtedly an ESFJ. He’s incredibly social and vibrant around his members, and serves as a sort of human energy charger that everyone gravitates towards. His radiant energy and dependability makes him a well-loved and an essential member of BTS. ESFJ’s are also extremely organized, preferring structure and planning to spontaneity. His strong sense of duty and unwavering mentality shine through as a dance teacher and leader - despite his caring nature, he will not hesitate to hold people accountable for their actions.

Jungkook - ISFP

This is another clear typing for me, Jungkook is blatantly ISFP. He is innately artistic, adventurous, self-expressive, and open-minded. Despite their highly introverted and independent nature, ISFP’s are known for being sweet and caring in relationships, and it is no secret how fond and protective JK is of his members. He can also be quite sensitive due to his perfectionistic tendencies and emotional receptivity; he is often too hard on himself and seems to struggle with self-esteem at his core.

Jimin - ENFJ

I fluctuate between ESFJ and ENFJ for Jimin, but settled on the latter because he seems to be more future-oriented rather than present-focused. ENFJ’s are incredibly empathetic and caring people who tend to put others before themselves. Jimin naturally and instinctively lends a hand to his members when they are in need and constantly thinks about how is actions affect others. He is also quite the perfectionist, which is characteristic of ENFJ's. The only detail I am uncertain on is that ENFJ’s are quite the creative and abstract thinkers, and I am not sure I see this within him.

Jin - INTP

Jin is tricky because his media persona seems to be quite different from that of his real personality. He could also be ENTP, although he is very introverted and doesn’t seem to engage in much conversation outside of the people he is comfortable with. His sarcastic and dry sense of humor is particularly characteristic of an INTP, and he is also straightforward, logical, and blunt. Although INTP’s are often stereotyped as cold and unexpressive, he has a goofy side that is childlike and wholesome.

[rayan12sworld]

💠🧡The Second Jade of Lan's late but incendiary sexual awakening

By:KizuKatana

Summary:

Lan Zhan was not interested in sex or romantic relationships. He had watched with a dismissive glance as his classmates made fools of themselves and wasted a considerable amount of time and energy on various hook-ups and romantic entanglements.

Aside from the fact that his lack of sexual interest kept him laser focused on his school and research, Lan Zhan’s reason for it was based on something more fundamental. He did not enjoy the company of most people fully clothed, and he couldn’t really imagine that improving if they were naked.

Which was why he found himself shocked at the visceral image that slammed through his system of grabbing Wei Ying by his messy ponytail, forcing him to his knees, and fucking his mouth until he cried.

Chapter:6/6

Words:41,198

Status:completed

Dude, give me a fucking break. I was dead asleep after a really long fucking first two weeks at this school when my RA came banging on my door. You’re lucky I even pulled some pants on.” Wei Ying had. Pulled his pants on. Implying that Wei Ying had been… sleeping without pants on. Since pants were the only thing he was wearing, that meant Wei Ying slept naked. Lan Zhan had excellent logical processing skills, and he was quite sure his conclusion was correct. Lan Zhan’s brain was over actively processing that fact. With how thin the man’s pants were, and the fact that the streetlights were providing a backlighting that made them translucent, Lan Zhan did not have to exercise much of his imagination to be able to visualize that. Wei Ying’s long, dark hair was falling down to the middle of his back in messy waves, free from its usual ponytail. Lan Zhan had a sudden vision of what his hair would look like spilled across a pillow. Lan Zhan’s pillow. Specifically.

~~~

"You must be freezing. Here, you can borrow this,” she said. Luo QingYang’s words snapped Lan Zhan out of his thoughts. He felt an urgency to stop the conversation that was happening, which—in complete consistency with all of Lan Zhan’s other thoughts since leaving his dorm that night—again made no sense. Wei Ying was practically naked and it was cold outside. Lan Zhan had forgotten the temperature in the haze of… in the haze of Wei Ying. He turned around just in time to see Luo QingYang offering Wei Ying her blanket. Why had Lan Zhan not thought about offering Wei Ying his sweater? Lan Zhan’s entire body was practically on fire, and therefore definitely did not require it. Wei Ying should be wearing his sweater. Not Luo QingYang’s blanket. He was not entirely sure why he felt this at such a visceral level, but he had an abrupt but deeply felt need for it to be his sweater touching all of the skin that was currently causing Lan Zhan’s brain to malfunction. “No, i-it’s fine. I’m g-good,” Wei Ying said, his teeth chattering. “Don’t be an idiot,” Luo QingYang said, ignoring his words and wrapping the blanket around him. Lan Zhan could see Wei Ying visibly relax into the warmth of it. The blanket would have been warm from Luo QingYang’s body heat. It could have been Lan Zhan’s body heat seeping into Wei Ying’s skin, if he had thought to offer his fucking sweater.

~~~ you only had said one word to him yet your this jealous 😂😂

On Monday, Wei Ying showed up to fluid mechanics wearing an oversized, pink fluffy sweater that clearly did not belong to him, given Wei Ying’s favored color scheme tended towards black and red, exclusively. . It was thick and warm, and Lan Zhan instinctively hated it. Wei Ying was wearing someone else’s clothes. The notion prickled him like nettles all through class, making it almost impossible for him to focus on what Professor Xiang was saying. In high school, girls would sometimes wear the sweater or jacket of their boyfriend as a signal that they were together. Did this mean Wei Ying was dating someone? He had only been on campus a month! But Wei Ying was very charismatic and outgoing. It would not be surprising if someone had already asked him out. Someone who was better at words and had more experience with dating and attraction than Lan Zhan. The thought of Wei Ying some day wearing his clothing had his hand tightening on his pencil in a crushing grip.

~~

Wei Ying gave a slight chuckle. “Thanks. It’s actually not even mine. MianMian took pity on me since I don’t really have anything warm and I was freezing my ass off with the sudden snow.” Lan Zhan felt as though he had been struck in the stomach. The sweater was Luo QingYang’s. And she had evidently spent Sunday or Monday morning with Wei Ying. And seen he was cold. And given him her clothing. “It didn’t get this cold in Yiling,” Wei Ying was continuing, unaware of the effect his words had on Lan Zhan. “I guess I wasn’t really prepared for it when I transferred here. MianMian has a whole closet full of warm, fluffy sweaters, so she let me borrow this one. She said my teeth chattering was making it hard to study.” “Oh,” the student said, sounding slightly disappointed in Wei Ying’s answer. Lan Zhan could relate. “You mean Luo QingYang? She’s a year ahead of us, right? You two must be… close then.” “Yep! MianMian’s great. We met during a fire drill at my dorm. She was the first person who actually talked to me when I transferred here.” Lan Zhan felt a flare of intense frustration at himself. Why had he not offered Wei Ying one of his own sweaters? He had Wei Ying’s contact now. He could have messaged him. He had several, and he knew that it was getting colder. It had been increasingly clear that Wei Ying did not own any warm clothes. Perhaps if Lan Zhan had loaned Wei Ying some of his sweaters, Wei Ying would not have felt the need to borrow them from Luo QingYang. And if Lan Zhan hadn’t been having a complete mental breakdown at the sight of Wei Ying shirtless during the fire drill, then maybe he would have been the one Wei Ying had grown close to.

~~

Lan Zhan wondered if somehow he was having a delayed puberty, because he had never thought about sex much in the past and now he was thinking about it nearly constantly. If this was how most people went through their lives, Lan Zhan was amazed that anyone got anything done at all.

~~~ wth 🤣🤣

“I should stop by campus one of these days to meet the boy who has finally managed to draw my didi out of his shell!” Lan Zhan hoped Lan Huan’s project did not give him a day off for the foreseeable future. Or at least until Lan Zhan had gotten his thoughts under control. He did not think he could handle having Lan Huan see him interact with Wei Ying until then.

~~

Wei Ying slipped his arms into the sleeves of Lan Zhan’s sweater. It was too big on him, and the sleeves hung down past Wei Ying’s fingertips. Wei Ying just grinned hazily up at Lan Zhan, wrapping it tightly around him. Oh. Lan Zhan really liked Wei Ying in his clothing. There was a visceral satisfaction in it that Lan Zhan did not understand but felt in his core..

~

There weren’t many students out this late, but the one or two who passed them did a double-take. Lan Zhan did not give a fuck. In fact, he hoped that they all made note of the fact that Wei Ying was tucked inside Lan Zhan’s jacket, being taken to Lan Zhan’s car, wearing Lan Zhan’s sweater.

~

Then I am pleased to be Wei Ying’s first.” Wei Ying let out a helpless bubble of laughter. He slanted a grin at Lan Zhan that should have been a warning, but Lan Zhan was not prepared when Wei Ying said, slyly. “Is Lan Zhan planning on taking all of my firsts then?” The spike of lust that shot through Lan Zhan at the words nearly made him lightheaded. He told himself that it was good he had taken Wei Ying to a restaurant rather than ordering take-out, because otherwise he might have pinned Wei Ying to the nearest wall and taken at least a few more firsts.

~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Su She Eats his Heart Out

By:KizuKatana

Summary:

The (bitter) third party pov of the epic college romance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, as told from the pettiest NPC to ever exist.

- - - - -

A new student transferred into the university in their second year, and Su She was gleeful to see how much Lan Zhan was irritated by him from the very first day that the student (Wei something) showed up late for class with a ratty hoodie pulled up over his head and proceeded to sleep through lecture. Finally, someone else would be the butt of everyone’s jokes as they watched Wei Ying constantly try and fail to get Lan Zhan’s attention. When midterm grades came out, Su She was expecting the guy to be humiliated.

That was… not what happened.

Worse still, Lan Zhan was now actually turning his head to look at the guy when he spoke. And... wait, was Lan Zhan… putting his hand on the guy’s ass?!

No. Su She does not accept this.

This story is complete, but I am just cleaning it up as I post.

Chapter:3/3

Words:16,770

Status:completed

[ixlander]

Family Abolition

Ozzy: Totally. Well, you're talking a little bit about this, I think, but could you maybe say how you would define family abolition and kind of what this vision of the future is?

M.E.: Sure, so first I'll define family. I provide three definitions of family at the beginning, and they don't cover everything people mean by family at all. The first is a unit of social reproduction. So this comes out of Marxist feminist theory, it's thinking about how are new workers created, how is a worker sort of fed and clothed and cleaned from one day to the next, right? And recognizing the tremendous role that the household plays in raising caring children, taking care of people during periods of unemployment and illness and disability and aging, and preparing a workforce every single day. And I think this is one of my most challenging arguments in the book, that a free society would not be organized around private households. We might choose to form them, but they wouldn't be economic units in the way that they are now.

The second definition of family is a sort of normative ideal that's really deeply tied up with white supremacy, colonialism, and heterosexuality, right? So, some families as being legitimate, being respectable, being approved, and other efforts and people caring for each other not counting as family, right? So, the separation of children in Indian Boarding Schools, what scholars call "natal alienation" during slavery, the long history of Child Protective Services in the family policing system violently intervening, particularly in Black people's lives, separation at the border.... So these are all like an apparatus of determining whose family counts and whose doesn't, and inflicting violence on those that doesn't. And this sort of normative ideal, I also link to the violence within families. The organization of personal domination that really characterizes so many families, and the vulnerability of people within families–– that families are the place we're most likely to be raped, or murdered, or beaten up, or harmed. You know that family is a site of such tremendous violence. And so breaking, overcoming, and destroying this racial normative ideal, and freeing people from the site of violent constraints they might experience in their families.

And then the third definition of family in chapter three, I talk about George Floyd, calling out to his deceased mother, as he's being murdered. And that the way we speak of family as sort of our greatest yearnings––our like love, our care, our desire for refuge, and making the argument that like, in order to fulfill this, we'd have to discover something more, something beyond what the family is now, and that we, you know, we turn to family at our most vulnerable. And when we speak of family, for some people we're speaking of like, our really deep need to feel cared for and loved, even if we didn't ever find that in our families.

And so part of what I argue family abolition is... so I provide a lot, an overview of a lot of different meanings of what family abolition can mean. But I end up focusing in on three, and they correspond to those three definitions. So the overcoming of the private household as the primary unit of social reproduction and survival. So that who you love and who you happen to be related to, and who you happen to live with, should have no material consequences for your well-being, who you have sex with shouldn't determine whether you have housing, or food, or health care, right? [laughs] This is ludicrous as a way of organizing a society. And if you happen to be born to transphobes, or you happen to be born to a violent person, there's actual, respectful, supportive, effective means to address that. And to grapple with that.

Two, that we radically overcome this sort of normative ideal of what counts as family, by radically transforming the regulation of families, by overcoming the sort of systems of racial terror, and they're destroying them, that do so much harm against certain kinds of care relations. And then three, that the love and care that we look for in families be universal and widely accessible throughout society, and built available to everyone. That we all need it, and we shouldn't have to only depend on who we're having sex with in order to find it. We need to build a society built on caring for people and not on the impersonal driving, violence of profit. So generalizing, unleashing and generalizing the care available in the best families as universally available throughout society. So those sort of three definitions are a big part of what I mean by family: the overcoming of the private household, destruction of family policing system, and the unleashing and universalizing of the care that we depend on in the family.

m.e. o’brien on gender reveal podcast episode 151

[nhlclover]

lean on me | cole caufield

summary: your anxiety makes an appearance at an ill-timed moment

request: yes / no

warnings: social anxiety, panic attack, mentions of throwing up

a/n: this went through so many rewrites lol i wanted this one to be perfect. love getting to write for my fav boy though.

word count: 1.03k

From the moment I woke up in the normally comforting grasp of Cole’s arms, I could feel the bubble of anxiety beginning to form inside my chest.

A couple of months ago Cole, my boyfriend, had won an award from the Montreal Canadiens and tonight he was going to be accepting the award at this gala organized by the team. Of course, I was so excited for Cole. He deserved the award so much considering the effort he had put in this season. But I had also been dreading this day for so long.

Social anxiety is, unfortunately, something you can’t control. If I could choose to not be anxious today, I wouldn’t be. I would let today be worry free so the event could go well. But, since I can’t control it, I found myself dressed to the nines, however with extremely sweaty palms and an ever-present sense of impending doom. Cole exits the bathroom where he was doing last-minute touchups, joining me in the front hall.

He looked good but even his well-fitting suit couldn’t completely distract me as it normally would. “You look so good babe.” I say.

“You look phenomenal.” He smiles, pressing a kiss on my lips. “Are you feeling good?”

Cole has known about my anxiety ever since we started dating. He was so understanding of it and always encouraged me to take my time whenever it would flare up.

“Yeah.” I tell him.

He looks unsure but I brush him off before he asks me again. “I’m okay, babe. Don’t worry. Today’s about you.” I say, putting my hands on his upper arms, and giving him a reassuring squeeze.

Cole sighs. “Alright. Are you ready to go?”

I nod, taking his hand as we walk out to the awaiting uber, climbing into the backseat. We drive to the arena, Cole's hand on my knee the whole drive which was the only thing keeping me from bouncing it. I instead focused my fidgeting to my hands, picking at my nail beds.

We pull up outside, lines of fans outside to see the players. Cole gives my knee a final squeeze before getting out. I breathe in deeply, stepping out to the calls of my boyfriends' name. Cole signs a few autographs while I stand back, waiting by the entrance.

He joins me seconds later, placing a hand on the small of my back, guiding me into the arena. He says a quick ‘hello’ to a couple of people along the way while I stay quiet by his side.

We finally enter the playing surface, the ice replaced by flooring with nicely decorated tables placed around. A large stage was set up at the front of all the tables. That was where Cole would be accepting his award and making his speech later. Most likely mentioning me. At the thought of that, I felt my face heat up. I felt like I could hear my blood pumping in my ears, the pounding deafening. I felt like I was going to hurl.

“Hey babe, where’s the bathroom?” I ask Cole, putting on my best mask of normalcy.

Cole has a skeptical look on his face. “Um, go through the bench, there should be the player's bathroom there.”

I place a kiss on his cheek before hurrying off down the tunnel, following the signs to the bathroom. I enter, checking under the stalls to make sure I was alone, before locking myself in the last one.

My chest tightened and my breathing became rapid. I tried to slow it down by doing breathing exercises I learned online, but to no avail. Under any circumstances, I would probably be freezing being next to the ice in a short dress but my entire body felt like it was on fire. The floor feels like it’s been replaced by a trampoline as my legs go wobbly. Sufficiently overwhelmed, tears begin to spill from my eyes.

The sound of the bathroom door creaking open made me go still, stopping my pacing around the small stall. “Babe?” I hear Cole’s voice echo.

I unlock the stall door and step out. His face is laced with concern when he sees me, my beet-red face and my shoulders and chest covered in red splotches, a common symptom of my anxiety, tears streaming down my cheeks. He rushes to my side, takes my hand and walks me to the wall behind the door. He encourages me to sit down, joining me as I do so and not letting go of my hand. The tiled wall is cool as I press my back to it.

“So, the last roadie when we were in Chicago, Joel was on some sort of pranking streak.” Cole says and I know exactly what he’s doing. Anytime I get a panic attack, Cole tries to distract me by telling me a story. He proceeded to tell me a story about how Joel pranked him in Chicago by taping the blades of his skates and filling his skates with ice.

By the end of his story, my chest is less tight and my heart rate had decreased to a normal rate.

“How do you feel?” Cole asks me.

“Better.” I breathe out. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He says softly, bringing my knuckles up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to them. “How about we go home and order some food and take a bath or something.”

“No babe, we can’t go, you have to accept this award.” I say, going to stand up only to be sat back down by Cole.

“Are you kidding me? I didn’t really want to come either.” He tells me, surprising me a little. “Don’t get me wrong I’m so grateful that I won this award but you know how awkward I get when things are all about me. Especially when I have to make speeches. Remember my cousins' wedding?”

I giggle as I remember Cole’s impromptu speech at his cousins' wedding that was just an absolute disaster and resulted in endless taunting from his brother the rest of the evening.

“Come on, I know how we can slip out.” He says, getting up and helping me to my feet.