#it was like... the most beautiful thing i've ever seen during the last hour of the drive.

[thenarrativefoil]

WE DIDS IT

[wheels-of-despair]

The Last First Day Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: This is it. Eddie Munson's last first day at Hawkins High. His final senior year. Class of '86, baby! Contains: Eddie and Evil Woman being annoying and ridiculous and so in love they don't care about making a scene, Higgins being So Done with them, a little suggestive humor. Words: 700ish

"BABY!"

You whip around in the crowded Hawkins High hallway, packed full of students hustling toward their next class on that always-awkward first day of school, searching for Eddie's voice. Where is he? What's wrong? He's not in trouble already, is he?

When you finally spot him and make eye contact, his jaw drops.

"It IS you! I haven't seen you in FOREVER!"

He literally saw you an hour ago, when he picked you up for school. And every day of the summer. And almost every day of the previous school year. But you know what he's doing, and you can't deny him this. Not on the first day of his last senior year.

You'd bullied the guidance counselor into putting you and Eddie in most of the same classes. It had taken some work to convince her that it really was for academic reasons, but in the end, she'd given in. What's the worst that could happen? He'd already repeated his senior year twice. The only way to go is up. Or, as most of the administration hoped: out. And since the faculty didn't seem to care about helping him get there themselves, they decided to let you give it a shot. You'd show them. You and Eddie would show them all.

Right after this happy reunion with your one and only.

"MY EDDIE! YOU FOUND ME!"

His face lights up when he sees that you're going to play with him. You stretch out your arms, thankful you'd shoved everything in your backpack after your last class, and rush toward him. Eddie takes off too, and after several grunts from people who'd been rammed into, the student body begins to duck to the side and clear a path for you.

You collide with a thump and hold each other in a crushing hug when you meet in the middle of the hallway, like you hadn't seen one another in years. Eddie finally lets go and reaches for your face, and holds it in his hands like a treasure.

"Oh my god, you're so beautiful! I'd almost forgotten what you looked like!" He's loud and he's obnoxious and you'll never love anyone more.

"I missed you!" You lean in to punctuate with a kiss. "So!" Another. "Fucking!" Another. "MUCH!" A longer one, which ends in a wet smack worthy of a cartoon. "Please don't ever leave me alone for that long again. I'll die. I swear, I'll die without you." You're also being loud and obnoxious, but not entirely untruthful.

You gaze into each other's eyes, in the middle of that crowded hallway full of people scoffing at you, and you think this just might be the happiest you've ever felt. The bell rings, but you can't bring yourself to pull away from him. Not yet.

A grown-up presence announces itself with a sigh, and you and Eddie break eye contact to look at Principal Higgins.

"That was the warning bell, which signifies that it's time for The Munsons to proceed to their next class," he says tiredly.

Eddie gives him a mock salute and hooks an arm around your neck, pulling you away from Higgins and toward your next class. Which you have together. You smile and lean into him, basking in the fact that you were just referred to as The Munsons.

"Pretty sure we just got married," Eddie observes.

"Oh yeah?" you grin. "Is Higgins an ordained principal?"

"Yup," Eddie says, eyes forward. "I've been studying in this place for a looong time. I know how things work. We're married now."

"Are you gonna carry me across the threshold into English class?" you tease, giving him a playful poke in the ribs.

"Don't tempt me, Mrs. Munson," he smirks. "I'm gonna wait 'til science. There's a human anatomy unit during senior year." He waggles his eyebrows at you. He should know; he's failed it twice.

"Is the unit… hard?" you ask seductively.

He stops just outside the classroom door and leans down to whisper in your ear, so only you can hear. His hair tickles the side of your face. "Not as hard as the unit that'll help you earn extra credit after school."

[drvnkd4zed]

Enhypen members reacting to your MV (y/n as a soloist)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jungwon

Jungwon is going to wake you up at least one hour before the MV release, he's going to be very curious and nervous, probably even more than you. He wraps his arms around your shoulders and plays the MV on the TV. From the very beginning, when your silhouette shows on the video, he's going to shake you out of excitement. "That's you!!!" he would scream. Jungwon scream every time you show up, literally he would go crazy. Once the video ends he would be like "let's watch it again" and even if you'd feel embarrassed and shy, you would let him do it because you love him being this proud of you.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Heeseung

There's a 99% chance he wanted to assist you during the MV shooting, he wanted to help you and give you his support while you were filming, but when he sees the actual MV he would be like: "how did they even edit this MV? You were so perfect from the beginning until the end, I would've gone crazy choosing the best parts". Also expect him to watch it again at anytime of the day, like during lunch, dinner, breakfast...

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jay

Just like Heeseung, I'm pretty sure Jay would attend the MV shooting to see how you're doing. He's buying you drinks and snacks so you eat and drink during the shooting and every time you finish a scene, he would land a kiss on your cheeks to tell you you did a great job. While actually seeing the MV after its release, he's going "oh! OHHH! Wow..." the whole time. "This is SERIOUSLY the most amazing thing I've ever seen!" He says, clapping his hands.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Jake

Jake will make sure he's your no.1 fan and he won't accept otherwise. He's getting prepared for the debut day with pickets, banners and probably a shirt with your concept photos on, screaming like a fangirl watching the MV. You look at him being so excited and cute that he's making you laugh the whole time. "Did you see how perfect the MV is? I'm shocked, my baby has done such a good job!" He's saying while hugging you. He would treat you a good dinner to celebrate your debut and give you compliments for the next weeks.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Sunghoon

Sunghoon's going to be the critical one, he would say things like "they didn't how 100% how beautiful and talented you are, I should've filmed it instead". You would just laugh and hit him. Even if he's so so proud of you and loves how you looked in the MV, he will just: "I'm so annoyed, I won't watch this MV ever again" and then you'll find him streaming your video while you're sleeping. "I was just checking the views" he would say. "For three hours?"

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Sunoo

Sunoo will attend the mv filming and the shooting for your album, there will be no debut promos you're doing without him. He's following you everywhere and if you need something, he's getting it. You're thirsty? He's getting fresh water. You're sweating? He's bringing you a fan. He's also screaming for the whole MV. Like, very loudly. Sunoo's going to be amazed by your talent and visuals and just like Jake, he's going to be your no.1 fan and if you ever feel like you're not doing good enough, he will make sure you recognize your talent.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Niki

Niki doesn't want to get spoilers for the MV, so he's supporting you through texts and when you come back home he would just hug you and tell you you did great. He wanted you to surprise him with the MV, and so you did. While watching the MV he would be like "omg is that you for real?" "I think you're my ultimate" and "that's my girl!" (He would scream the last one multiple times). He's hugging you patting your head and telling you you were amazing and he's sure you'll become very famous in the future. "Don't forget about me when you become a million seller superstar".

[fullmetalgirl98]

30 days Hypnosis Mic challenge

DAY 4: favorite ship

🎤 Hifudo

Once again, I risk talking for hours, especially since this happened and really happens almost every evening after dinner in the company of @justanotherniky during our "philosophical salon".

Also because *start of promo moment* out of our conversations about Hifudo came the writing of a fic that I have the honor of reading immediately following each update (it started almost 2 years ago, but sooner or later it'll be born too), so stay tuned!! *end of promo moment*

So I can't absolutely assure you that I'll be brief.

But let's get started.

I think the Hifudo is one of, if not THE, most canon-not-canon ship I've ever seen, not only in Hypmic, but in my whole life. Because let's start by saying that those two are blatantly acting like a married couple. "Housemates" is just a less outrageous term.

The most beautiful thing about Hifudo is how the trust-based relationship between them is something that's absolutely established and unbreakable, something that stems from their childhood and continues over time, becoming more and more solid as the years go by.

If you think about it for a moment, how powerful must the sentiment that exists between the two of them be to have Doppo never thought, at the ripe old age of 29, of having a relationship with anyone, preferring to stay and share an apartment with Hifumi? Because Hifumi needs him. Because if Doppo left Hifumi behind, Hifumi would slowly break down.

They need each other, because one reaches out where the other cannot: Doppo is strong for Hifumi when Hifumi fails to be strong, while Hifumi is there to support Doppo in the simple acts of everyday life, cheering him on and encouraging him, because he's worth so much more than others would have him believe.

Doppo has always stood up to protect Hifumi, starting with the disaster with Honobono. At that juncture, we could see how strong he's been for Hifumi, more than he's ever been for himself. How pissed off he was for him, more than he's ever been for himself. Doppo would kill Honobono, if only he could. And he would do it solely for Hifumi's sake.

Hifumi, for his part, only breaks down all his barriers when he's with Doppo. With Doppo he doesn't need to be strong. He can cry, he can let go, he can take off that facade of perfection that he's forced to constantly display at work and and in public. He can literally take off his clothes, because he knows that Doppo will never judge him, because he knows that Doppo doesn't need all that to love him and to stay by his side.

And as much as theirs canonically is not (but who knows, fics exist for that too, right?) a carnal relationship, Doppo would never lay a finger on Hifumi unless he himself gave him permission to do so. And this is beautiful and indicative of unparalleled respect.

Doppo and Hifumi do not need words to understand each other. Their relationship transcends explanations but is made up of gestures and glances.

And this is absolutely fantastic.

Little honorable mention to the fact that WHY THE HELL ARE THESE TWO ALWAYS THE ONLY FOOLS (affectionate) who sing together in group songs??? Always and ONLY the two of them. An example? Death Respect. They're the only two idiots who duet the verses. Every. single. time.

Ryou SIDE ni hatenkou na abarenbou 両サイドに破天荒な暴れん坊

Ten made nobiru orera ga Matenro 天までのびる俺らが麻天狼

Jyuto and Rio are there, minding their own fucks, while those two duet.

Because yes, they don't know how to detach themselves even in these situations.

So, last thing and then I'll shut up, I promise: the two colors that canonically make me think of them are dark yellow (#f2b800) and watermelon red (#ff5050)… and when they come together to create a graduated shade (like when I edit the lyrics of the songs), the color of the sky at sunset comes out, which I think to be something that perfectly describes them (see the pics above) :)

[romance-rambles]

SHOULD'VE SAID IT TO MY FACE

After reading Cael's response to your comment, you eventually give into your impulsive thoughts and call him. It turns out to be a misunderstanding

— word count: 2k

— pairing: cael anselm x little painter/mc

— tags: takes place sometime during qixi event [minor spoilers for the card], misunderstandings, fluff

— note 1: this is probably the least serious thing i've ever written [which i think says something about me lol] but. i saw one of cael's responses to the new qixi artwork and my mind went beserk so-

— note 2: also from what i can tell via cn wiki, the other response is cael saying mc in the painting looks cute. i'd have to ask someone to confirm but "cael actually was referring to painting!mc" has lodged itself into my brain and made me scrap my og plan

DINNER TIME SEES YOU SCROLLING aimlessly through Lofter, in search of something to do.

You're sprawled across the couch on your back, knees bent, with a plate—stacked with airfryer dino nuggets and french fries—balanced precariously in front of you. The hand not occupied with your phone holds onto a half-empty soda can. When you remember to eat, you stick it in the gap between you and the sofa's backrest and pray it doesn't spill over again.

In the background, a movie you'd seen multiple trailers for in your spare time runs on the TV. For the first thirty minutes, it was rather entertaining, actually—for reasons beyond the absolutely stellar writing. It was, and is, filled with so many cliches, all dragged out and played entirely straight, that it makes you wonder if the writers had a checklist.

Then, your editor texted you around the time the couple had their first date and—well.

Though it turned out that the phone call she was asking for had nothing to do anything that would make a perpetually tardy artist quiver in fear, Beanie can attest to what a disaster the fifteen minutes before said phone call were.

Your shirt is still sticky from the spilt soda, and worse, the water you splashed on the stain has left you soaked. And on top of that, your shirt wasn't the only victim in this mess. Now, some of your nuggets carry with them a hint of sweetness—one that can't be attributed to the ketchup.

They're still good, you think stubbornly, glaring at someone imaginary sitting opposite to you.

You pull your legs closer, clearly disgruntled, and sit up straight. The artifacts of your makeshift party for one change positions with you, making you look less like a slob after work hours—even if that is what you were going for.

Because that someone imaginary looks suspiciously like Cael, with that close-mouthed smile that reeks of barely-disguised amusment. A menace with good publicity, though you'd take this Cael over the "old" one any day.

After all, this one is yours—to have, and to hold, for as long as you live.

You think of the characters in your latest manga, and of those last few pages; of the red dress the painter had picked out, and of where the spirit's—and yours—thoughts had gone. The ones you'd added as a bonus after dicussing a much happier ending with Cael. Frankly, it's the most self-indulgent thing you'd written since In Passing, except this time, you didn't bother holding back on your fantasies.

"Wait," you mutter, squinting down at an artwork from one of your mutuals on your phone. The poor dinosaur that gets offered up to your hungry belly this time is thankfully not one of the soggy ones. "Has he seen it yet?"

The answer to your question, once you regretfully pull your gaze away from the beautiful man you drew, and pull up your latest post on Lofter is yes.

hubby: This drawing is great.

A simple compliment, yet your spirits soar to never-before-seen heights. With your free hand, you cup your cheek; your pinkie finger can only partially hide the curved end of your lips. Then, like a thick veil, your hair falls over half of your face, prompting a small laugh from you.

As you tuck your hair behind your ear, you can't help but think it adds to the scene. The lovesick smile. His comment. The affection swelling in your fluttering heart.

You imagine the soft smile on his face when he saw your post and wonder why he isn't here to tuck your hair back for you.

Truth is, you'd never learned how to stop missing Cael, even after he'd returned to being a permanent fixture in your life. The only time you don't miss him is when he's in front of you—when you can wrap your arms around him, in a carefully struck balance of spoiled and loving, and hear his exasperated chuckle as he pulls you in closer.

Maybe that is why the words you write in response lack any double meanings.

you: @hubby But I feel that the person in the drawing is better than the drawing itself.

Tracing the silhouette of his hair, you think this is the Cael that comes closest to showcasing his ethereal beauty. All that practice through drawing the Silver Knight has left you as the most qualified person to make that judgement. It is with this thought in mind, and a puffed chest, that you wait for his response.

And Cael could be busy, for all you know. It could take a while for him to respond, for all you know.

Still, if you play your cards right, when you tell him how long you waited, he'll pat your head. And on your forehead, the heat from his loving kiss will linger for long after he pulls away.

You grin at the thought and scroll down.

hubby: Me too.

At first, you can only blink.

Me too, you repeat dumbly, tilting your head to the side. You must look like quite the catch, with three nuggets and countless fries stuffed into you face. ME TOO?

The vision of his faint smirk transforms your previously lovesick demeanor in an instant. Swallowing your food down, you glare at the snarky comment, thumbs hovering over the digital keyboard without a reply in mind.

It would've been better if he'd said it to your face. You could tackle him—maybe kiss the smirk off his face. Countless letters are typed out and erased within seconds of each other, simply because you can't settle on anything to say. The scowl on your face deepens as you swipe out of the app.

And you're not sure what happens after that, but when you come to, you find yourself staring at half of an objectively terrible selfie you'd taken with Cael—

And Ringing... written underneath.

When he picks up, the first thing Cael says is your name.

"What a coincidence." Your boyfriend chuckles softly. "I was thinking I wanted to hear your voice."

You fear the psychological damage is irreversible. Why did you call him again?

Oh, rig—wait a minute.

"Did you miss me?" you ask, not so much curious as you are delighted. "Wait."

Never let it be said that you don't have your priorities straight. You're sure anyone in your position would di the samw thing. So, with a giggle—both at your snarky comment and at the prospect of being missed by Cael—you pull your phone away from your ear and make your earlier wish of seeing his face come true.

"Let me—" You adjust your bangs, knowing well the futility of doing so. "—Let me turn my camera on."

When you finally catch sight of his beautiful face, as the camera turns on, Cael is smiling gently.

Upon catching a glimpse of your current, haphazard appearance—the pile of hair tied up in some kind of half-bun, half-ponytail, the ratty old t-shirt that's simply too comfortable to part with, and, you realize embarassedly, the ketchup stains and nugget crumbs plastered all over your mouth—he shakes his head. Out of habit, his free hand hovers in the air for a moment before he puts it down. Even before he shoots you a helpless look, you can tell he's wishing for the same thing.

"You should—" Gesturing at his own mouth, free of crumbs, he tries to help you out. "Mhm, you got most of them."

For a party of one, you didn't find napkins to be a necessity—so, instead, you have to make do with your oily hands. It's hardly the most elegant side you've shown him, but you also know he's seen worse. And if he can still watch you fondly, frankly, you don't think you have a need to be concerned.

With a grimace, you brush the fallen crumbs off of your lap and onto the couch. You're going to have to vacuum it, unless you want it to be teeming with ants. The thought makes you shudder.

Cael's lovely voice cuts through the horrific visions of an ant takeover and replaces them with much more pleasant imagery. "What are you thinking about?"

"Ants," you say, without skipping a beat, then laugh. "Well, that and I have a bone to pick with you."

He blinks, looking as though he's desperately trying to surpass a laugh. "Alright. What is it?"

Upon studying his expression, you find that it's rather reminiscent of the one that'd pushed you over the edge. This time—perhaps because of the way the amusement glittering in his violet eyes makes them pop—you smile softly. Laying back down on the sofa, with your head comfortably resting against the armrest, you grin and start describing your dilemma.

"The truth is, I was fishing for another compliment," you tell him, as if offering him a carefully-guarded confession.

Your voice is suitably dramatic, with a sliver of faux mournfulness coming through. Unfortunately, you're not particularly good at faking tears—so it is all you have in your arsenal.

Cael looks down at you from the phone's screen, clearly exasperated. You bring your arms down to a more comfortable position and adjust some of your bangs. With the plate of nuggets still on your lap, you can't bend your knees as you'd like. As a compromise, you cross your legs over one another.

Finally, he breaks the silence.

"I'll make up for it, but—" Your boyfriend hesitates. "Nevermind."

Even though the hamsters in your brain have started sounding the alarms, even though you're certain he's messing with you, you still fall for it—hook, line, and sinker. It leaves you incapable of saying anything beyond but.

With an elegance you might've admired at any other time, he ignores your minor break in coherency. But the smile on his face is, for all intents and purposes, a grin, genuine but unfortunately tinged with amusement, and you can't find it in yourself to be too upset. You still remember his lighthouse comment.

You wonder if he'd notice if you took a screenshot. He did say he didn't like to use his deduction abilities on you.

Humming a song you'd texted him without explanation, he begins to ask, "How would you like me to make up for—"

"But."

"I was talking about the girl in the painting," he relents finally, softly smiling at you. You like to think your glare broke him down.

But the person in the drawing...

True, you'd never specified who you were talking about. Neither had he. It really is true what they say about assumptions, you think, aware that you can't quite think of an accusation that won't backfire on you.

So, like a gaping fish—maybe one swimming in warmer weather, if your warm cheeks are any indication—you gawk at him.

"Is that surprising?" he asks.

Deliberately, you turn your head away. To make yourself feel like a productive person, you pretend you're searching for your beloved cat, who must've slinked away at some point. Then again, you're pretty sure bribery goes a long way with Beanie—and no one's better at it than Cael.

Maybe Beanie would side against you instead.

"Maybe I haven't said it enough. That you're the most beautiful person I know."

As your mind slowly registers the words, you blink. Clearly, Cael hasn't spent enough time staring at a mirror. If he'd said woman, you might've debated for a bit before folding. You might've even seized the opportunity he's presented you with immediately.

Instead, you squint at him.

Surely, he hasn't forgotten how the students of St. Shelter Academia hold his beauty in high esteem. Or the many, perhaps unnecessary, compliments to his beauty in In Passing, even after you'd returned to Godheim. Sure, he might not have registered your unsubtle crush on him back then, but surely, now—

Surely.

Maybe I'm the one who hasn't said it enough.

"That's right." You nod your head solemnly—as if you're unbothered by the thoughts running through your head—and hold up your pinky finger with a smug grin. "You should say it more. Pinky swear."

Despite the distance, he still holds up his pinky finger for you.

[griffin-girl-r]

You came back to me (Part 1)

Created: 10.03.2022

Finished: 22.06.2022

Edited: 19.09.2023

Age: 15

Word count: 2,853

Warnings: Child loss, Passing out

Request: No

Detka = Baby

Summary: During one of the Avengers' missions, they stumble across a young girl.

Part 2

—

At this point, you were running.

Running for your life. Running as fast as you could. Running from...

You have no idea what you are running from anymore.

You've been running for too long in this dark and strange forest, that you don't even remember from what you are running or who you are.

Your feet were hurting you and your energy was running low. Your breathing was heavier and heavier. Your head was pounding.

The rush of adrenaline was so high that you realized you had banged your head on something when you were already on the ground and with your blurry vision, before you passed out, you saw people hovering above you.

—

The Avengers were assigned to take down a HYDRA base located in some unknown forest.

But the last thing they expected to come upon, when they were going back to the QuinJet, was a young teenage girl running scared from something.

Accidentally, Steve hit her with his shield and the poor girl passed out from the force of the impact.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God." Steve shouted, leaning over the girl "What have I done?"

"Move, Rogers." Natasha pushed Steve aside and got closer to the unconscious girl

"What is she doing here?"

"We need to take her to the QuinJet!"

"Who's this?!"

Tony, Natasha, and Sam said at the same time but as expected Natasha won.

Steve picked you up and carried you to the Jet. Once inside, he laid you down on the floor, Wanda putting a pillow she found somewhere under your head.

"She's okay. Most probably she has a concussion but no serious damage." Bruce announced after he quickly checked you up "But I'd still like to take her to my lab and run more tests, just to make sure she's okay."

The team nodded and each one spread around to do their own things.

But Natasha was the only one to stay by your side just in case anything happened.

The redhead found herself staring at your face. She doesn't know why, but your presence made Natasha feel something special towards you. She felt like she needed to protect you.

Three hours later you were already resting on Natasha's bed back at the compound, with the woman in question watching over you.

You hadn't woken up at all during the journey back or while Bruce examined you. You haven't even felt the way Natasha held your hand all this time, trying to provide you with some comfort even in your unconscious state.

—

Opening your eyes slowly, you tried to adjust your eyes to the light and take in your surroundings.

Before you got time to even start panicking because you didn't recognize your surroundings, a soft voice reassured you.

"Shh... You're safe. Don't worry. We're not going to hurt you. You're safe with me." The voice of a woman whispered softly

You slightly relaxed as your eyes shot to the place from where the voice came and you found there a red-headed woman, in her early 30's, with the most beautiful green eyes you had ever seen.

But Natasha visibly tensed. Because when she locked her eyes with yours, your, also, green eyes reminded her of a ghost from her past that, no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to forget.

"Who are you?" You asked confused "Where am I?"

"Calm down." Natasha kept her voice calm "You're at the Avengers' compound. We found you a few hours ago running alone in a forest."

"I know who the Avengers are. I've heard stories." You nodded, almost fully relaxing

"That's good." Natasha slightly smiled "Then you know that we are no threat. I'm Natasha. Natasha Romanoff."

Your eyes widened at the ex-assassin's name and she could see that you know more than just some simple facts about her work with the Avengers.

When the silence between you two grew too long, Natasha decided to ask you something else.

"What is your name?" Natasha asked

You stared at her for a moment, thinking about her question.

"I-I don't know. I don't remember if I ever had one. They call me 'Subject 11'." You answered truthfully

Natasha's heart broke for the girl in front of her. She didn't even have a name. What possibly those monsters could have done more to you?

"Who called you that?" Natasha questioned

"The guards." You whispered "They kept me locked in a cell all the time, beat me. And when something happened last night, the guards left me unsupervised and I escaped."

Natasha picks up on what actually happened. You must have been one of the innocent prisoners that were inside the HYDRA base they attacked. And you escaped while they were fighting with the enemy.

"How old are you?" She asked very softly

"Maybe 15. If I remember correctly."

Natasha's breath caught in her throat.

"How about 'Y/N'?" The woman asked trying to put on a poker face "If you're going to stay with us, then you'll need a name, so we could know how to call you."

You smiled and nodded. You love that name. It has a special ring to it.

"I love it. Thank you." You smiled "How did you choose it?"

Natasha's face fell and she looked from you to a wall.

"I've chosen it after months of careful thinking." She blankly answered

"But you've only known me for a few hours..." You were confused

"I'll come back to you in a few hours. If you need something just say it and we will know." The spy started walking towards the door

And with that, Natasha stormed out of the room.

—

You ended up staying at the compound for longer than anticipated.

And everyone grew really attached to you and you also loved them.

But as expected, your relationship with Natasha was the one that grew the strongest.

You two became inseparable in a span of a few months.

And Steve kept on saying 'sorry' to you almost every day for accidentally hitting you with his shield. But you always waved him off saying that if it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have gotten the chance to be now with them.

—

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Nat?" Clint asked a crying Natasha

Natasha looked up from the picture that was ripped in half from her hands and stared at Clint.

"You know why." She whispered

"Y/N reminds you of her, doesn't she? Of your Y/N? That's why you are treating her like your own child? Because she was able to make you smile again?" Clint sat down next to Natasha on the couch and put his hand on her back

"I miss her so much, Clint. I feel like I also died with her that day." Natasha sobbed "How can I move on?"

"You don't, Nat. But it's been almost 10 years since that night. You should stop blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault and start to, at least, try to move on. For her. I know she wouldn't have wanted you to be sad." Clint rubbed her back "Of what you had told me about her, I know she loved you too much to not want your happiness. Even without her."

This only made Natasha sob even louder, like her heart was ripped from her chest.

"9 years, 5 months and 2 days." Natasha whispered the exact date

"What have you done to her, Robin Hood?" You pushed Clint aside and hugged Natasha from one side

You were on your way to get yourself a snack when you heard Natasha and Clint talking in the living room. You didn't plan on picking up on their conversation but when Natasha started crying you just couldn't help yourself.

"I'll leave you two alone." Clint eyed Natasha and then left

You hugged Natasha tight, not observing that she had quickly shoved something in her pocket.

Natasha has treated you with love and affection these past months and you really appreciate everything she did for you.

From waking you up in the morning, to making you lunch and to tucking you in at night, Natasha tried to make you feel as comfortable and safe as she could.

And seeing her in this state made you sad.

"So you gave me the name of someone that was once important to you?" You asked after a minute

Natasha just nodded.

Then she got up, took your hand, and dragged you towards the car.

—

"Where are we, Tasha?" You questioned the redhead once she stopped the car

"You'll see. Come on." She slightly smiled for you and pointed her head to the car door

You silently followed her.

Turns out she has brought you to some kind of cemetery. It was more like 5 graves spread closely to each other in a well-illuminated forest.

She got closer to one lonely gravestone placed near a tree.

Kneeling, next to it, Natasha put her forehead on top of the cold stone and absentmindedly traced the words on it with her fingers.

"Hey... I've missed you so much today." Natasha whispered to the stone, tears in her eyes "Who am I trying to fool? I miss you every single second of my cursed life. I only want to have you here with me. To hold you in my arms. To sing to you again that lullaby you love so much. To protect you while you peacefully sleep in my arms at night." Natasha sadly chuckled "But I know that's not possible for me anymore."

She turned her head to you for a second before looking back at the stone.

You awkwardly stood around, not understanding what was going on.

"Today I've brought someone with me and it's not Uncle Clint, as you would expect. Maybe I'll also bring him next time. But right now I've come with this kind and beautiful girl that made me remember you." Natasha took a deep breath trying to keep her voice steady "I'm not trying to replace you with her and she isn't trying to take your place either. But she just made the time pass easier."

Natasha finally raised to her feet and you could clearly read now what was written on the gravestone.

The words made your heart fall to your stomach and gave you have a slight idea of what is going on.

'Y/N Rose Romanoff

Y/B/D, 2001

September 14, 2007'

"Y/N... Meet my other Y/N. She's my little angel that you heard me talking about with Clint." Natasha smiled sadly

"Y-You had a child?" You asked, the words hardly getting out of your mouth

"Have." Natasha corrected "I have a child. Just because she's not with me, that doesn't mean that I'm not her mother anymore."

You stayed silent in place for a second, trying to process the information you were just given.

"She was born in the Red Room. I was 16, almost 17 when I had her. Her father was a soldier who died before she was born. They knew I was seeing him in secret, that I loved him and he loved me, and that I wanted to run away with him." Natasha wiped a tear away "And they let us plan our escape, then brutally separated us. I was 7 months pregnant when we decided to run."

"Then?" You asked

"Then Y/N was born and I focused all my time and energy on her. I tried to protect her the best I could and I started to think about escaping again. And we did. We ran away when she was 5. We were on the run for a year but we were living a happy and normal life together. But one night they found us."

Taking a shy step forward you looked at Natasha. "What happened to her?"

~~~~~

September 14, 2007

A day Natasha will never be able to forget.

"Mama! I'm tired. We still have to run?" Her baby asked

"Yes, Y/N. If the bad guys find us, they will punish us. Remember?" Natasha held Y/N tighter in her arms as she kept running through the dark forest

"I love you, Mama."

Y/N was small, but not stupid. She maybe was 6 years old but she had the brain of a 16-year-old. And Natasha knew that her daughter understood that it would be the end for both of them if they got caught.

"I love you too, detka. More than anything."

Natasha had time to only finish her sentence when something hit her in the leg, making her fall to the ground.

On instinct, the mother rolled to one side, trying to take as much of the impact of the fall as she could.

But before she got time to realize what happened, she heard her child scream for her as the little girl was taken from her arms and two men, clearly stronger than Natasha, lift her from the ground and kept her in place.

Natasha tried.

She really tried. She fought with all her strength to reach her girl. But it was useless.

"You thought you could run away just like that, Natasha?" The man she feared the most said

Dreykov. The man that had made Natasha's life a living hell, was now holding her baby girl by one arm. Pointing a gun to the child's head with his other hand.

"Don't! Please. I'll do anything. You can do whatever you want with me. You can punish me and beat me. Just please let my child go." Natasha cried

"But this is your punishment, Natasha." Dreykov spitted out

And right there. Right in front of her eyes. Dreykov pulled the trigger.

Her Y/N's body fell to the ground with a loud thund.

Lifeless.

The sight of the lifeless body is the last thing Natasha remembers before passing out from the sick sight in front of her.

~~~~~

"I woke up a day later back in the Red Room. That day I became a mother without her child. And there is no pain bigger than this one. The pain of losing your child. Your whole world." Natasha finished her story with one last sob "I escaped again after that, met Clint, and found the place where they had buried her. My heart and soul are here. Buried six feet under in this forest."

"I'm so sorry, Tasha. I'm so sorry." You jumped forward and hugged Natasha

"Isn't your fault, kid." She patted your back, trying her hardest not to break down

"I also think I had a mother once, you know?! I can't remember her. Damn it! I can't even remember my own name. But I dream about her from time to time. Of how much she loved me. I'm not sure if it's only in my head or not, but..." You found yourself saying in hopes of making Natasha feel better

"I understand, kid. I do."

Natasha let go of you and with one last kiss and whispered 'I love you' to the gravestone, she drove you back to the compound.

—

Two months had passed since then and you two haven't talked about it. Not even once.

But one night, you ended up falling asleep in Natasha's room and she didn't have the heart to wake you up and take you to your own room. Instead, she snuggled closer to you and also fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, you stood up, scared, startling Natasha from her sleep.

"Y/N? What happened?" Natasha asked concerned

"Nothing." You tried to catch your breath "Just a dream."

You weren't brave enough to tell her that you dreamed about your mother again. But this time, your mom had Natasha's face.

Ever since she revealed her secret to you, you keep having these weird dreams.

"Want to go to the living room and watch a movie?" Natasha asked sleepily

"I'd love to. Thank you." You smiled gratefully

—

After everything was set up, you were sitting on the floor in front of Natasha and she was sitting on the couch.

Natasha reached her hand to your hair and shyly asked "Can I braid it?"

"Of course." You laughed "If you manage to actually do something with my hair."

You two sat quietly while the movie played, with Natasha braiding your hair. More like playing with it and running her fingers through it.

The woman's focus was broken when her eye caught a glimpse of something on the side of your head, nearly to the back and her fingers ghosted over a small scar.

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah?" You answered, still focused on the TV

"From where did you get this scar?" She held her breath as she asked

"Oh, that? I don't remember a time when I didn't have it. I think I've always had it." You explained

You kept enjoying the movie after that, but Natasha's mind was fixed on only one thought.

She needs to talk with Bruce, Steve, and Clint first thing in the morning.

She needs some answers.

[tachineko]

what're ur fave BLS of the year so far?

Looks like it's that time of the year? As gif-makers and content creators here in Tumblr BL some of us are in charge of recapping our favorite BL's this year. So far I need 10 but I only have 5 that I truly loved this year.

Kinnporsche

It's no surprise why this is number one. I watched it while I had COVID and also during long COVID and grew attached with the cast during post-show. It's probably one of the first time's I've seen a BL go full-on with production and plot. I was hooked with everything Kinnporsche during the middle of the year and even planned saving some money for their fan-meet when they went here. Truly, a star studded cast and an amazing plot that builds up for another season.

2. Blueming

Now this was something else. Never had I ever had a BL encapsulate what I was currently feeling like Blueming. The feeling of feeling lost and having to leave the past self despite being a part of you after all these years. Blueming spoke to me because I was feeling the same things that the plot was currently revolving. The feeling of finding one's self, one's comfort with others and one's acceptance of past selves. Love Blueming and can't wait for season two.

3. Semantic Error

Shameless self promo for my own gifs. Semantic Error was something sweet and not as intense as the last two that I really enjoyed. One of the BL's that I know that dips into the romantic BL's but not much of emphasis on others. I love Jaechan and Seoham. Post-show and airing I was always so fond of those two. Kinda sad that Park Seoham didn't have a chance to promote it all the way with Jaechan due to military enlistment. Regardless, I love this short sweet series and I love the chemistry between the two actors.

4. Old Fashion Cupcake

Here's what I never thought I could forget in BL settings. Middle aged men! I can't believe no one has come up with this but here it is and it is beautiful. Aging and never having to bask in the glory of experiencing things, especially "feminine" things, and finding it towards the love of your fellow co-worker. OFC is heartwarming and it shows that even in later ages we can experiences loneliness in matters that are not limited within love.

5. Triage

Here's the most underrated of them all. The reason being that AISPLAY (the company who is distributing this series) is barring it from international audiences and only allowing it to be viewed 2 days after it is aired. Then the channel deletes the video. Thus, making it hard to watch legally. It's a shame that this isn't as well gif-ed or talked about in the community. It's about a doctor who constantly tries to save his patient and falls in love with him as he tries to find ways to save his life. It's criminal how underrated this is. But, if you're not the kind to watch one hour episodes 12 times then I suppose just look at the gifs here at Tumblr. I hope they redistribute this somewhere accessible for everyone in the future.

Overall, there were alot of BL's this year. And currently they're still pumping out more. But as many as they currently are, I have to give props to these five for having an amazing story, cast and production.

[raymond-reddington-ruminations]

Thoughts on 10.21 and 10.22, no spoilers.

So I'm going to make comments as I go during some of the commercials, but I'm not going to post them until afterwards, so this is as much a live reaction as a review. Each paragraph is recorded at a different commercial.

The first half hour we've seen before. It's fun, but very familiar. It feels like a bit of a waste in the final episode. The only benefit is learning how the task force is conflicted about things. We only got a tiny glimpse of Reddington's heart, which I've come to realize is what I truly love about the show and what I truly want from it.

I am disappointed in Dembe. I always had a particular idea of why Dembe joined the fbi, and that was to change tactics in his quest to save Reddington's soul. And in season 8 he heard Reddington tell Cooper how much this task force had changed him. Then Elizabeth died. I always felt that Denbe joined the task force to try and connect Red to the force that was the most positive on him.

Weecha continues to be a nothing burger. I get nothing from her about how she and Red connect romantically. There's just nothing there.

At the end of the first hour I actually said out loud "oh, don't you dare." In everything that I imagined about this finale that possibility is not one that crossed my mind. Just, no.

Almost halfway through the second episode. So I was right, high action, intense episode with a twist I didn't see coming, as we often see in the season finale. And it's a very solid episode for the task force. We're getting a lot of character from them. And Herbie, good for you. That was the right call. Love that dude.

But what I'm missing is Red's heart. The core of the show, and I want something new from him. I want to see his heart laid bare.  His actions do speak to his heart when it comes to Dembe, but there needs to be more.

Oh boy. I guess that's it. The closest we're ever going to get to confirmation of Redarina. Not at all what I wanted. Up until I knew it was Redarina I really thought Red's identity didn't matter, but the transgender situation in the world right now really needs this.

And I'm genuinely worried now.  There is less than half an hour left.

Last commercial, less than 10 minutes left. I'm very scared. This has been undeniably beautiful for the last 15 minutes. Please, please, give me one of the things that I want.

Very proud of that final monologue, that was fantastic.

The final scene; No. That. Was. Stupid. Beautifully done, but I hate it. I reject your reality and substitute my own.

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

Hi! Weekend ask…

why is your best friend your best friend?

Oooh this is a lovely question! Four people come to mind. And yes, this is going to be a love letter to my friends (a platonic love, but a love nonetheless). You have been warned!

Person 1: Let's call her M. She is my oldest friend. We met in secondary school and we hit it off in the first few weeks of our first year there and the rest is history. ;P We've seen each other at our worst, yet we still love each other like sisters. We've supported each other no matter what, in whatever little way we can. We are so similar in some ways yet so different in most, but we still respect each other. There's just this mutual understanding that never needed to be spoken, and we've had this since day one. We're just on the same wavelength, I suppose. We've never even truly fought, which is insane, given we've known each other ten years now.

Person 2: She'll be called N. We were flatmates in my final year of university, and she was on Erasmus at my uni. It was during covid restrictions, but the final autumn/winter of them, so people were still a little nervous, naturally. She said hello first, I think, when I went into the kitchen for the first time or so. And yeah, much like M, we got along like a house on fire very quickly! Similar yet different, we complemented each other, I think. We'd watch movies together a lot and talk for HOURS every evening (bar when we were freaking out over assignments, but we'd still try to talk every now and then). I saw her as my little sister by the time our academic year had finished and we had to part ways. We still keep in touch, despite being in different countries again. She's just wonderful <3 Fun, outgoing, smart, pretty, sharp wit, impeccable style -- she's awesome. My final year at university really would have had such a different vibe if we didn't end up crossing paths by being flatmates. Hell, I'm sure I wouldn't have done certain things if it wasn't for her being by my side.

Person 3: G! We met in the first year of university, near the start. We got along pretty well -- to the point it seemed myself, G and another friend and fellow coursemate at the time were a solid Trio in uni. I guess that's what happens when fellow gays find each other and it's the first time being away from home for extended periods of time. It's like there's this unspoken understanding and we just click if the energy is good. G's SO fucking smart and absolutely hilarious, and really nice. His conversations are NEVER boring. We still have the occasional intellectual conversation when we can. I managed to meet up with him when I returned from France and it was so lovely, as it had been over a year since we last saw each other. And, like everyone on this list, we can meet and chat and it's like time never passed. It's a bizarre but beautiful feeling. We can have our petty spats, but I can never stay mad at him forever.

Person 4: NT. Another icon. Met in first year of uni, but we got to know each other better over the years of our course -- especially consolidating the friendship in our final year. We had similar schedules so we'd often walk to/from college together and vent or rant about our day, or our worries - both academic and life in general. She's so smart too, hilarious, we can literally talk about ANYTHING and it'll become interesting because she will know some random-ass fact that's somehow related (and i love that sm<33). We've joked that we're practically the same person, just with a few tweaks (different hair colour, slightly different fashion style). Her taste in music is one of the best I've ever come across. I would always scribble down a song name or artist while visiting her. And you'd be guaranteed something nice to smoke while visiting. ;) We have not kept in regular contact the past few months, but I still adore her, and I wish her (like everyone who is my friend) nothing but the best <333

[louis-in-red]

I saw Louis in my city!!!

Ever since that boy stepped in Peru, Lima has been WAY TOO SUNNY for autumn/winter! Usually, Lima is very gray with minimun sunlight during this time of the year, but the sun really came out the days Louis was here, and I'm so happy because the city looked extra beautiful (he also stayed in one of the fanciest places in the city near the beach and the hotel had a pool so I hope he took advantage of it).

I couldn't get the day off yesterday because I was on holiday last week, so my chances of queuing early were none (I wasn't planing on going in the morning either way but I didn't want to go late). Because of work (adult life sucks) I arrived at the venue around 7pm (also the venue is far away from where I live, it took me an hour to get there), expecting everyone to already be inside because doors opened at 6pm, but I was surprised to see a very long long line that circled the Mall (the venue is inside a mega huge mall). I waited for my friends to arrived and we waited closed to the entrance until everybody got in, but after a while we realized it was better if we just queued😩. At the end we entered around 8:30pm when Sunroom was already playing so we missed the majority of their set. Since there was time till Louis started, I bought merch (the black t-shirt with the red eye) and then just waited with my friends for the concert to star 😄

He was late 😅 like for 10 minutes I think? but soon enough we saw the band getting on stage and the lights and We Made It started playing and then HE GOT ON STAGE and MY GOD!!!! I couldn't see him properly because I was almost in the back haha but the screens helped a lot!! (I saw jdelf🔪…) And I have to mention here how important and relevant was to start the concert with that song for us Peruvians because I know many Peruvians Louies fought very hard to have Louis here in our country which often is not included in tours 🥺. It was extra special and I was super emocional during that song. The energy in the venue was great since the start, specially during the 1D songs... which tbh I didn't mind because I know the fanbase is still very much 1D focused, but they totally made the concert about HIM. I didn't see any signs about a 1D reunion or about any ship or any dolls that weren't Louis, at least in my section, and that made me so happy because I was quite scared since I know how popular that ship is here in Peru (someone even mentioned it in the news but I won't focus on that), and from the photos I've seen of the barricade, I think the focus all the time was on Louis, which is how it's supposed to be.

I was sort of surprised that many didn't know the lyrics of Change(s) or Copy, but then I realized maybe it's because most of the people around me seemed like casual fans (not very much invested in the personal life or obvs not into deep in the fandom as me haha) and maybe they didn't even watch any livestreams before. At the end I realized it didn't matter that not everyone sang the new songs, because when Louis asked us to scream we delivered. I was also a bit concerned about the outdoor venue because a close one helps with the acoustic of the screams and the noise (and I wanted us to be super loud), but the crowd really came through!!! like the energy was amazing, super fun and electric and you could tell everyone there loved Louis.

I have to mention how special hearing Change(s) felt this time, as well as DLIBYH. Mainly because for a while I was feeling a bit meh about many things, including my job and in times the fandom, like for a bit I was feeling way too many things and many aspects started to bothered me way more that they should... I'm rambling haha... I feel way better now, like I think I needed this leg of the tour to happen to feel this energy, to feel Louis close to us, and those two songs are just... so great 😭 so comforting. Even my friend who didn't listen to Change(s) before said it was the best song, lyrically and emotionally and that she can't wait for the next album to come out (honestly same haha).

Now... Michael... what the hell??!!! he is so HOT!!! playing his guitar, being all daddy on stage and then all shy when fans approach him in the streets. Like everyone was always screaming for him, specially me and my friends haha like the thirst for Mikey is real (Louis would approve, I know it). My friend already follows him on insta and says he is a hottie 🥵

I loved being there with one of my best friends! since I'm always second guessing everything I was thinking maybe she wasn't going to enjoy it that much since she isn't fan of Louis like me, but I was surprised to see that she knew every song in Walls and that she loved the concert and that now she is hopefully closer to being a Louie 🫢 The other friends I was with were also happy and jumping and singing at the top of their lungs, and they just made the whole experience a great one!! I felt so young again!!

Last but not least, experiencing this in my own country was extra especial and even though I wasn't anywhere near him as I was in Buenos Aires, this felt different because ... this is where I live, this is where I was born, where I've lived most of my life... Louis WAS HERE??? AND HE LOVED IT? HE KEPT SAYING "LIMA/PERU" AND MY HEART COULDN'T TAKE IT? LIKE HE WAS THE SWEETEST VOICE??!!! And he was so baby yesterday, clean shaved and in his baggy shirt and his almost tight black jeans, and he kept saying that he felt our love, that our country was beautiful and he just has my heart you know? he already had it but now he has it more 😩

So yeah... this was long and I could probably write more but I just want to close this by saying that every time I think I couldn't be more proud of Louis, he shows me that I can. Yesterday was magical, healing, lovely. I wish Louis the very best all the time, and I hope he knows, I hope he knows how much we love him and how much he deserves this because he does❤️

[mysecretboringlife]

hi!

my name is Ainhoa, I'm a senior in highschool in Spain. Here, the last year of highschool is really hard in comparison to other years, bc of the pressure students are under and the amount of things you need to study. I just wanted some place to post whatever I want to try to romanticise it or just tu have it all in one place so I decided to open this account (where nobody I know irl will found me).

So here I am. I really like reading, so if you've decided to stay you'll find some updates about it. I don't really do reviews but if I really like a book I'll rant about it. My favourite genre is fantasy of fantasy-romance. My favourite books are the invisible life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab, chain of gold by Cassandra Clare, these violent delights by Chloe Gong and the poppy war by R.F. Kuang.

I'm a marvel fan. I've seen every movie like 10 times and I love remembering the dialogues. My favourite movie is Avengers: infinity war and my favourite character are Ironman, Spiderman, Wanda and Moonknight.

I love the sea. I live two and a half hours by car from the sea, but I can't go often. I usually only go during the summer a few days. The rest of the summer I spend them in my grandparents swimming pool. My grandmother always tells me that in other life I must have been a fish (I bet I was a shark, I've always liked sharks). On my last bday, my parents gifted me a scuba diving course and I still have to go to finish my lessons at the beach. I'm so excited.

Next year I'm going to university. I want to study Biomedical Sciences, in my city the degree is called "Biomedicine and advanced treatments" and even though I'm the most indecisive person you'll ever meet, that degree is the only thing I want to do. There is no plan b, I don't want any other thing. I want to study the human body and how does it work, I want to understand sickness and find ways to solve it. I want to become a scientist and discover some cure to whatever sickness I'm studying.

I am curious and love to understand how things work. I think is extremely interesting to know why do things work the way the work, because if you search deep enough there is an answer. I love to see the world in a way not many people do. There is no color green, just the light reflecting in a different way than red. I love to focus in little details. There is a small flower growing on the little crack on the pavement. My body and my cells are giving their life for me, my heart is pumping. The more you know the more beautiful it gets. I love learning bc of this.

if you've come this far, thank you! I hope you've enjoyed my rant and see you on the next post

[lillianofliterature]

hi lillian! i hope this isn't too intrusive (feel free to disregard) but i saw your post about losing your great-grandmother. how are you? i hope you're feeling a little better and, if not, i hope you're holding up as well as you can<3

thank you so much for checking in on me, anon! it really means a lot. i'm doing as well as i can, but it is the most intense grief i have yet faced. she spent over a decade looking after me and my brother while our single mother was working during the week, essentially helping raise us, and it was very jarring to lose a very close motherly figure so suddenly. the pandemic kept us apart, so we weren't able to be around her very much the last few years, which made the goodbye less shocking but made the guilt worse. anyway, it's just tough stuff to deal with, but i really am managing alright.

i don't know if you believe in this sort of thing, and honestly i'm not even sure what i believe exactly, but she always had a connection to animals (cats specifically) and throughout my childhood always talked about how she would like to be reincarnated as a cat. when she was unresponsive in hospice, the last night i saw her alive, i asked her to find a way to come back and tell us hello, either as a cat or a butterfly---two symbols that have a meaningful history in our family.

on the day of her funeral, a yellow butterfly (specifically a tiger swallowtail, one of her favorites) flew around my shoulder and inches from my face while i watched her casket being lowered next to my great-grandfather.

two months later, on this most recent halloween night, a litter of kittens were randomly running around in our front year during trick-or-treat hours. they came and inspected our porch decorations and left, and an hour later, another one came back and sauntered right up our porch and into our kitchen while we were handing out candy!

now, for context, my parents and i always feed the stray cats, so we're used to seeing quite a few and recognize them easily. but we had never seen these kittens before, nor had any of our frequent strays ever appeared pregnant over the last six months. we believe the litter was dumped in our neighborhood on halloween due to their black coats (black cats unfortunately are treated very ill this time of year due to ridiculous negative superstitions).

we decided to keep the little one that walked into our house--i do believe it was a sign, both from the little kitty wanting a home and also from my great-grandmother saying she heard me while i visited her in hospice although she couldn't speak. unfortunately, we didn't see the other kittens again, despite trying! we're keeping an eye out for them so we can rescue them if possible.

anyway, the kitty is a little boy, he has beautiful black fur and golden brown/yellow eyes, a perfect halloween cat. and i named him Severus (yes, after Snape, lol). i'll include some pictures! he's five months old and has a clean bill of health, despite some tummy issues. he's the most affectionate and clingy cat i've ever met, and i can't believe he's ours. i absolutely adore him and he's given me more energy to keep going and be excited about getting up every day.

sometimes when he looks at me, i swear i see my grandmother looking back, but not always (which makes me believe it more in those little glimpses).

so, all this to say, i'm doing better now, although my grief isn't linear. i think the best thing that's helped me is choosing to recognize the little signs i do believe our loved ones can send us beyond the grave. i don't know how it works or what it means for those of us who are still living, but i do know there is truth to some sort of existence beyond the physically tangible, and that gives me hope. <3

[pirillalothario]

MAD WORLD: Love, Death and Aliens - Chapter 1 (First Part)

He had been home less than half an hour, and he was waiting with anticipation for dinner time, to show his father his new good report usual, he immediately got rid of the good clothes and wore sports pants and tshirt.

Tank had already started training with the punching bag when he heard the bell ring. That day his younger brother was not on the bus, and surely that asshole, after school, had made puppy eyes at Mrs Smith, to be invited to spend the afternoon with his friend Johnny Smith. Johnny the Alien. Fuck Ripp, fuck Johnny, fuck aliens. Tank made a mental note to ask his brother where he was, as soon as their father was around to hear his answer... His little brother, Buck, was still in elementary school, and he would come home about an hour later, so he was Tank and only Tank who would have to answer the door.

He realized that he was already very sweaty, and he started to smell, too. But he ran to the door anyway, fearing to miss a delivery, maybe a message for his father or -worst- a message for the General. He opened the door and found himself facing the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Cassandra fastened the last button of the black dress, looked at herself in the mirror and saw that it did not fit, did not look good at all.

Cassandra, Cassandra so skinny, with a long face, thick glasses, and her obsession with wearing black. Cassandra so different from her mother, Bella who was always dressed in red, beautiful and elegant, sensual and provocative.

In less than an hour there would be a… she didn't even know what to call it, a memorial maybe? It certainly could not be called a funeral, Bella had never been returned by the aliens who had kidnapped her, dead or alive. And poor little Alexander, who was so sure his mother was still alive, somewhere. Oh, Alexander, Alexander! What a pain for Cassandra, what a big concern that little brother, just four years old and already so smart, but also so stubbornly sure to know more than everyone else. But these thoughts were just childish illusions.

After spending two weeks locked in his studio, their father, the famous and wealthy scientist Mortimer Goth (during those days, who had been, if not Cassandra, to look after Alexander, to calm his tears, to cook for him, to convince him to eat, to hold him to his chest without being able to answer when he asked when Mommy would return?) came out of the room, slamming the door, his hair disheveled, his beard unclothed. He knocked vehemently on the children's doors, waking them both. Then he had waited for them at the dining room table, downstairs, sitting at the head of the table with his hands crossed in front of him.

Alexander had swollen eyes, like he fell asleep crying. Cassandra had not heard him crying that night, from the next room where hewas, but she knew that the day when Alexander would learn to cry quietly would come soon. After a few minutes of silence, Mortimer Goth cleared his voice and said "My dear children, it's time to resign ourselves to the evidence. Your mother, my precious Bella, is surely dead. I've done a lot of research and all the information I've collected leads to this: if she was still alive, the aliens who kidnapped her, would have given her back by now. There's more to add. A crashed spacecraft was found in Downtown. The entire interior was burned. That seems to answer our question. Stop hoping Bella can come back"

Cassandra, who had listened to her father with her eyes down, her eyes fixed on the elegant inlays of the long antique wooden table, looked up and saw that she was right, Alexander had really learned to cry quietly.

[alittlebitmaybe]

do you have any recs for good skates to watch from this season so far?

elsa i am so sorry you asked. here we go

(bolded skaters are going to the gpf)

(all links require a vpn bc isu youtube hates usa; rec using opera browser's built in free vpn)

i mainly follow singles, so i'll mostly stick with those, but for pairs stellato-dudek/deschamps are absolute breakouts featuring queen deanna who is the oldest gp medalist and oldest gp gold medalist !!! stan deanna. i rec watching their skate america skates, particularly their short. i wept

ALSO for dance by far my favorite thing i've seen is demougeot/le mercier's weird ass sad mime ex which hits EVERY time.

ANYWAY. to the shit i actually care about deeply

WOMEN

rika kihira's titanic free from sci: the nhk one was probably better technically but i saw this one in person in the front row and wept the entire time. outstanding vibes. beautiful skating.

kaori sakamoto's sia free from skam: speaking of things i saw live from the second row and wept through. that's MY world champion

mai mihara's espoo short and also her sheffield free: 30 point grand prix queen enough said

yelim kim's short and free from nhk: won nhk against an absolutely stacked lineup of women. has one of the most beautiful ina bauers in existence

honorable mentions that i'm not going to find the links for: every single thing gracie gold did at skam. listen to the audience reactions for her!!! absolutely not a dry eye in the house. also amber glenn did incredible at skam, if you're into her. also faves rinka watanabe at sci and loena hendrickx at angers to round out the gpf lineup. (uhhhh. minus isabeau who is talented but i don't care for as a skater atm)

MEN

oh god

shoma uno's nhk free and exhibition: this tiny man owns my entire ass. i also saw both of these skates live and my brain turned to mush and i made noises no human should ever make but i think the nhk ones are better. his short also fucks but he keeps screwing it up lmao. these are some of my favorite programs of all time tbh

roman sadovsky's nebelhorn trophy short: romsky is my goated flop worstie parasocial boyfriend and this program fucks. what if he could ever pull off a free skate.

adam siao him fa's short program from angers: i mean. my god. he did that

kao miura's short program from skam: had no expectations from this kid and then he comes out and drops a 94 point sp in front of us. TWO WEEKS IN A ROW. IN FRONT OF MY EYES. this program is fucking incredible except for the slowest cannonball spin of all time. his beauty and the beast free is also sooo fun but it WILL get stuck in your head and he keeps having bad falls on the first jump

kazuki tomono's miyavi ex: king of gala skates strikes again. pleaaaase learn how to jump for the actual competitions

deniss vasiljevs's sheffield free and sci ex: does the free hit as well without knowing how hard he flopped it during sci? idk and idc. his englishman in new york sp is also worth a watch. we love u deniss. anyway the sci ex happened in front of me and stopped my brain function for like half an hour

junhwan cha's nhk free and skam short: the second we saw jun skate in person we dedicated our lives to seeing him skate again. please know that a good portion of that intensely high pitched screaming from skam is me and kim and lee anne. it was his BIRTHDAY

keegan messing's free at sci: now, this one is simply for the vibes. it was his last ever skate canada and the vibes during this event were terrible. everyone was flopping. energy was low. then keegs saved us and we all stomped and yelled and cried

kevin aymoz's short in espoo: he is sooooooo good and soooooo fun. his free is also good and hilarious bc it's a song of achilles program set to gladiator. i'm not kidding

ilia malinin's free at skam: so, listen. i am not an ilia girlie but he DID land a 4a 15 feet from us and it WAS impressive and i did scream about it, and since he is shoma's main competition at the gpf this year i feel that i should link this

unfortunately i only really care about 2 of the men in the gpf this year and the rest of my faves flopped bad enough at least once to keep them out of the running.

anyway yeah if anyone else wants to watch some figure skating. watch these ones

[jonismitchell]

Welcome to my second year-end list for 2022, a 'favourite films' recap for my followers. A reminder that my year-end list reflects the best of the films I saw this year, not necessarily films that came out this year. And while I made terrible decisions in many departments during 2022 (academic, romantic, etc.), I occasionally employed time management skills. As a result, I watched fewer movies than I would have liked. However, there were still quite a few standouts, and I will honour that in this wrap-up list.

1. Early Summer (1951) Any reflection on growing up and moving away from what you once took for granted was, without fail, going to hit different this year. Early Summer is, however, one of the best films I have ever seen. I cried during the last scenes of this movie. Setsuko Hara delivers my favourite performance of hers, the script is incredible, the shots are gorgeous—there isn't a front on which this film fails. I consider Ozu one of the greatest directors of all time, and this is why. (I am baffled that Tokyo Story is his most beloved work when it's my least favourite of his, but I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion.) The quiet, hopeful joy to be found in everyday living is the focus of this film, and it's a wonderful thing to behold. By far my favourite film of the year.

2. Fanny and Alexander (1982) When I got into Ingmar Bergman's films, my mother warned me not to watch this film (which is a theatrical adaptation of a miniseries) until I was thirty. She claimed it haunted her, and recounted the scenes with more detail than I've ever seen her remember from a movie. Nothing could've made me more curious. This year, despite decidedly not thirty, I watched Fanny and Alexander. Immediately after watching it, I took to Letterboxd: "it's nice to know that everything Ingmar Bergman ever made has the capacity to land like a gut punch and render me speechless." It's a masterpiece in its rendering of a family, and spares not even the most haunting detail.

3. The Big City (1963) An instant classic, at least to my mind. This film is compelling and compassionate, presenting overlapping portraits of a family that refuses to be defined by their best or worst moments. The writing is purposeful, layered, and makes great use of every minute. The cinematography acts in service to the story, framing key moments beautifully and showcasing the talents of the primary actors, who do an excellent job. It's a movie about a changing world, but one that reflects the everlasting fidelity to the old one. Hats off to Satyajit Ray—and the Letterboxd mutual who recommended it to me.

4. Hour of the Wolf (1968) Is it any surprise that there are two films directed by Ingmar Bergman on this list? Hour of the Wolf is a near-masterpiece. For any other director, it would have been their crowning jewel. Max von Sydow and Liv Ullmann have always been my favourites of Bergman's regulars, and their performances here are absolutely brilliant. The script is haunting and cerebral, the sense of atmosphere is weighty and profound, and the last five minutes of this movie are some of the best ever made. Bravo! Don't watch at night.

5. Double Indemnity (1944) I'd been meaning to watch this film forever, and it was well worth the weight. The lead actors pull their weight, the story maintains tension and forward motion, and the camerawork is something beautiful. If Billy Wilder really didn't intend the style as he claimed, he was the luckiest bastard alive. Occasionally funny, consistently intelligent, and always entertaining, Double Indemnity was a highlight of my year.

Lightning Round Number of times I paused my Criterion subscription to focus on school: two Director I begrudgingly came to enjoy more than I meant to: Jean-Luc Godard Film that would've made this list if the director had simply rewritten two scenes: Love in the Afternoon Worst film I watched out of obligation to my little sister: Murder Mystery The Meg Ryan + Nora Ephron rom-com I rewatched: Sleepless in Seattle

[inamanicpixiedream]

I didn't cry when I left my husband. Instead, I felt empowered, free and light.

This isn't what people want to know or hear, but it's now been three months since I irrecovably changed the direction and shape of my life, and I have not looked back.

This morning I said goodbye to the man who has captured my heart completely. A man who I only met in November, on Twitch of all places. A man who I realised I was falling in love with, and this was one of the many signs it was time to end my marriage.

We cautiously entered into a relationship, acknowledging there was an abundance of complication and mess and risk. We live on the opposite sides of the country. I am seperating from a 13 year long marriage. We have baggage and history and are so different.

But being with him has opened my eyes and my heart up to so many things. It's the kind of realtionship I genuinely didn't know was possible. It's early days, of course, where there is still excitement, the 'head over heels' part, the honeymoon phase, and all that. We speak every day for hours at a time, and I am never bored, or annoyed, or dismissed, or ignored.

We spent the last two weeks together - a week in his city, followed by a week in mine. We met each other's mothers and friends. We slept in. We went to museums. We binged television. We played video games. We went out to dinner and had pies for lunch and built a fire in my backyard that we huddled around at night.

When my suitcase broke, he patiently, calmly, took it apart to try to fix it. He gently told me my snoring kept him from sleeping one night, and reassured me when I became consumed by guilt. He looked me in the eyes and told me I was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. He listened to me tell him my plans and dreams for the future, and shared with me his. I excitedly showed him the pictures from the James Webb telescope, as he's a space enthusiast, and we scrolled through the high res image of the Cosmic Cliffs together, in awe and wonder at our small place in the universe.

We didn't discuss the briefness of the time we had together; ignoring the inevitable day he would fly home. We know we will see each other again. We have plans to soon live in the same city, and to share a home.

But for now we live over two thousand kilometres apart.

It was 4:00am when my alarm went off to get us to the airport in time for his flight. It was slow going through security. He ordered a coffee. We held onto each other tightly. We kept saying it would be okay, we would see each other soon. But when it came time for him to board the plane (and we waited until the last possible moment), he cried on my shoulder and I gripped his hands until he had to walk down the terminal.

While I'd been slightly teary during the goodbye, once he was out of sight I broke; I sat in the now empty gate chairs and cried, and I went to my car and I cried, and got back to my empty house and I cried.

Living alone for the first time has been a thrill. I have filled my home with things I love and set it up how I like it. I have my little dog for company. I have enjoyed my own space.

But now my house seems impossibly empty. I ate dinner alone and felt the space beside me that he occupied for the past seven days. It's still midnight and I am still up, putting off the time I will go to bed and miss his hands gently reaching for me as he falls asleep.

I've been a romantic my whole life, so it seems absurd that I didn't know or realise that being in love with someone was supposed to feel like this. I feel safe, and supported, and seen. I am still my own person, and he is his, but when we're together, it fits.

And so tonight, I will cry.