#it wasnt even a huge production like this was just a local one that i had to drive a while to get to

[flockofdoves]

god this is crazy… totally forgot my advising appointment is tomorrow and now im finally getting around to choosing classes for my (hopefully) last semester. i basically already knew exactly what i wanted to/needed to take but its just really weird to be like. damn. no more opportunity to take the other stuff im also interested in but wasnt able to do yet

i have one class i absolutely Need to graduate whcih is my junior year writing class i already failed once. and very grateful the professor who taught it last time is teaching it bc he was just absolutely made to teach that class even if my struggle with writing plus going through a really stressful time made me fail it. so i know that has to be the focus of my semester and everything else is pretty much optional (could finish my theater or chinese minor but dont need to) and just so i meet minimum creditsso i should try to make them as least time consuming as possible

but the thing is the one other class i Really Really want to take is an archival studies intro class at another local college that im able to take classes at (whcih ive never taken advantage of before!) and its only 2 credits and i need at least 12 to be a full time student which means out of the other classes im interested in ehich are all 3 credits taking 4 whole other classes or two more 3 credit ones plus the huge 6 credit chinese one

and while id love to take chinese again i know that historically those classes end up consuming all my work time for the entire semester..

and also one of the 3 credit ones that im most excited for is a technical production theater class where you have to work 30 hours in the scene shop over the semester. which i love to do but also i know was a lot last time i had to do it (granted it was 50 hours for that last class but)

and that plus having to drive to the archives class and also wanting to do a really good job wrapping stuff up in my last semester at my student workers coop job and also maybe finishing papers for my incomplete fails is like. a lot lol

and thats not even getting into the totally unrealistic stuff ive at least somewhat managed to stop fantasizing about doing with my last semester

[rogueofrageedits]

just went to my first pride parade. god i love gay people

[kibleedibleedoo]

Hero of your own Fate 2/?

Thorin x reader

Warnings - brief mention of mental illness, slow burn

A/n - sorry it's a long one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Thorin's POV~

It had been a long detour via the Blue mountains which unfortunately had not born any fruit. All Thorin could think about was a hot meal and a place of safety to sleep tonight. He was getting far too old to be a solitary nomad. His fantasising of his next meal led thorin down his third wrong turn of the evening. The shire was full of winding roads that seemed to follow no logical order in their constuction. Thorin could see the house up on a hill, by mahal he probably could hear the company from back in Bree, but he just could not find the right path to get there and the fading like was offering him no favours.

Thorin watched confused as the heavens seemed to rip open as Bagend was aurrounded by a vrief thunder storm and depositing a girl on top of the hill. From this distance it was hard to tell but she certainly wasnt one of his kin and the clothes she was wearing made ger look out of place in this world. Maybe you were a one of a secretive kind, some even more secretive than dwarves that few even knew the existance of. He watched as you settled yourself and entered the hobbit hole. Something deep inside him was drawn to this unfamiliar woman so deep that Thorin was taken by surprise when he knew how to get to that blasted house, to get to you.

~Reader's POV~

That evening was a whirlwind so much seemed to happen in so little time. The quest was explained along with the risks and contracts were handed out to you and the other burglar Bilbo. It took many by surprise when he fainted at the thought of incineration, sure it would be a bad way to go but an instant death was far more preferable than a long drawn out one, the only one not surprised was the leader of our company Thorin oakenshield. He seemed to react to the hobbit with pure annoyance even going so far as to question him on battle experience upon entering poor Bilbo's home. You had no battle experience at least none in hand to hand combat. You cast your mind back to one of your childhood school trips where you were taught how to fire an arrow and a bit of fencing neither of which you were any good at, at the time which gave you little hope for your ability to fight on this quest. You needed training or you would be a liability and you were positive the whole company knew it.

You took the time during Bilbo's recovery to pull Gandalf aside.

"what am i doing here?" you asked rather annoyed with the wizard.

"You offered to help in the café did you not?" he quipped knowing the answer.

"Yes but there is no point me joining if i am only going to be a liability Gandalf" you huffed, you wanted to help you really did but there was no point volunteering for this quest if it was going to end in your demise or the demise of some of the dwarves before the quest is complete.

"You posess talents aside from fighting that will come in useful that I am sure something that those of middle earth lack" the wizard mused. He was almost certainly keeping something to himself about what you could contribute. Before you could respond he continued "I took the liberty of packing supplies for you, some hygiene products from your home but mainly supplies from here for the journey. They are with your pony at the stables" Your eyes grew wide as you realised the wizard had gone through your things.

"You broke into my house!" you exclaimed in a hushed tone trying to stop any of the dwarves from prying, unfortunately you could not seem to shake the handsome one's peircing gaze. "What if my roommate saw you? omg wait what did you see in my stuff!" at this point you were starting to panic, your roommate had always suffered from anxiety and happening upon a strange man riffling through your stuff wasnt exactly something they would take in their stride.

"I was not seen, and magic comes in useful in your realm too" he chucked "the essentials come to me, they seemed nicely organised so I packed the entire bag for you" mentally you were piecing together what you would be carrying. That bag contained your toothbrush, toothpaste, a few wash cloths, deoderant, conditioner, a spare pair of panties, and some everyday makeup items. Okay so no shampoo, you werent exactly sure when you would get the opportunity to wash your hair while trekking across this world but you had heard others try a no-poo style of washing their hair so that must be what you would have to do from now on. "Along with what is already packed here are a new set of clothes to help you fit in better and if you will let me I can exchange and money you have for coin you can use here." You werent sure exactly where he had stored the fresh clothes but he seemed sincere so you handed your bag over to him.

"Dont touch anything else in there, you only have permission to exchange currency" you said in a stern voice "they might not all work here but they are important to me" you finished softly. You took the clothes to a seperate room and closed the door behind you. It was dark but you still had your phone in your pocket so could use the torch for a while. You silently thanked whatever deity was up there that your parents had got you a solar powered power bank for christmas and it was in your bag, where you always kept it, your phone might run out of battery soon but you knew that you would be able to look through your photos whenever you got homesick on this quest. You turned your attention to the clothes, inspecting each item you noticed the outfit looked like something that would have been worn during the 18th century back home. Luckily your roomate was studing fashion history at the local university so you knew where all the fabric was supposed to go. Gandalf had also been nice and provided you with a corset which did up on the front, looking at them you could almost hear your roommate telling you this style was called a 'pair of bodies' and you chuckled knowing that while this outfit might be more practical than what you were wearing it was still going to be a nuisance to put on and wear all the time. You got undressed and threw the shift over your underwear, not ready to give up your modern bra and pants just yet, next you decided you still wanted to wear your leggings. If you were supposed to learn how to ride a horse tomorrow you sure as hell were going to have some fabric between your skin and the saddle plus it would preserve some of your dignity if you fell off and your skirt flew over your head. Time for the corset, the stomacher was rock hard which you thought might provide some protection, against what you werent quite sure of yet, and the corset was surprisingly easy to lace up at the front. The next item you loved, it was a shame modern women's fashion hated them so much but these bags you tied at your waist formed huge pockets which could fit most of the contents of your bag in without anyone being any the wise. The petticoat and skirt followed and a jacket tied the look together. You decided your doc martens would be far better to wear than whatever flimy shoe gandalf had provided so with your outfit complete you returned to the company.

Gandalf sat there smiling with a bag of coins in his hand. You felt you looked slightly ridiculous, especially since your bosom was more pronounced than in your oversized tee.

"Now you look like you belong here" he took a sip of wine and nodded.

"I might look like it but I have still kept some of my modern luxuries" you responded smugly waving your t-shirt a bit. He smirked handing you over the coins and your backpack back. You stuffed the tshirt in with the rest of your stuff and made a mental note to wear it as a pyjama top.

~Thorin's POV~

Y/N had disappeared off into one of the rooms shortly after her argument with gandalf. It seemed like the company had lost both of their burglars within the space of five minutes. Thorin huffed and sat back next to Balin who was always a source of comfort to him even before Erebor fell.

"We do not have time to delay Balin, if we must leave without them then that is what we must do" Thorin sighed, fewer and fewer folk were supporting this mission a band of 13 dwarves and a wizard was hardly a match for a dragon if Smaug still lived.

"I know lad, have faith this is a worthy quest and mahal would not have forsaken us" Balin smiled reassuringly at Thorin. Balin trusted Thorin like he trusted no other, he knew Thorin would give anything for his people and would do everything in his power to provide them with a place of sanctuary. The pair sat in silence for a few moments when Y/N came out of one of the rooms in a different outfit. The dress made her look like one of them, it fitted her so much better than what she had on before and Thorin found himself staring in awe at her.

"it seems she hadnt given up on us afterall" Balin nudged Thorin grabbing his attention

"aye but does a woman belong on this quest" Thorin sighed "she looks weaker than Dis and we wouldnt allow her to join us"

"she will be fine" Balin was puzzled by Thorin's sudden change in attutude until he realised Thorin was still watching the lass like a hawk. "she will have us to protect her and Im sure you wouldnt mind training her" Balin joked.

"I will not let her presence effect this quest, we will make sure she is trained" Thorin barked back. Both dwarves knew it was already too late just her sheer presence made Thorin reconsider his priorities.

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Ok so guys i finally got part of it done(like three or four days later buuuut

I drew two sets of the families for my anxceit au!

Please meet virgil's family the Ravenwoods!

And as curtesy some info about them

Daneil Ravenwood

Hes been raising Virgil and Andy on his own since virge was about 8 and a half and andy was 6 months old

Hes a english and literature professor at the local college(that logan's parents also work at)

Hes in his late 50s early 60s current time( where virgil is 21 and andy is 13)

Hes also a published and well established fiction writer, but he writes under an alias

Hes a super supportive dad and teacher, even if he doesnt understand it he'll 100% support the decisions his kids make (ex: "oh your wiccan now? Cool virgy! Im glad you found a religion that makes you happy, though...can you explain it to me again?" "Oh andy you want to be switched to the art program? No problem! I'll call your counsellors tomorrow ok?" "Oh boyfriend huh? Thats great buddy, when do i get to meet him??")

Hes got a deep hearty laugh that makes you smile

Dad jokes to virgils mortification

Hes a skeptic but loves listening to and talking to virgil about his beliefs

had the philosophy of "the punishment should fit the crime, but you should be allowed to stumble and learn with it" raising the boys and wasnt too strict with them. Also never threatened punishments, only threatened playful embarrassment

The boys got their sass from somewhere, but he does remind them to mind their manners and watch their timing

Gentle giant as he is 6'3

Black hair peppered with grey and white and usually forgets tonshave his stubble

Passionate about his jobs, can get lost in his work

Andy Ravenwood

Virgil's baby brother, and he fucking adores his brother( even sometimes babbles about him to his friends at school and proudly talks about his "youtuber big brother"

This does not stop him from poking fun at virgil of course

Art boi!! Hes the top of his art classes!!

He is the one art kid that always has like three sketchbooks on him at all times

Loves the color purple

Look ok he knows he KNOWS his hair looks like his brothers it wasnt supposed to ok the original plan baCKFIRED AND HE COULDNT TURN BACK

Unlike virgil he doesnt cover his freckles

He has the same color eyes as their dad(grey-blue)

Andy loves animals! Especially raccoons!! Those are his favorite.( he happily took on the responsiblility of taking care of virgils cat when he moved out)

Hes a pretty cheerful kid if hes comfortable around you, but shy if he doesnt know you

Hes got an anxiety disorder but hes still living his best life

Virgil Ravenwood

Our main Cryptid goth( he dialed it down for the family photo)

Hes twenty one and lives on his own in an apartment complex close to downtown, which is a good 15 to 20 minutes from his childhood home so he visits regularly( like three times every other week)

Boi loves his family to bits, and has so SOOOO many good stories he’ll happily talk about 

Has both his own paranormal youtube channel and a joint youtube channel with his boyfriend Ethen where they explore and investigate haunted places(both well known and stumbled across)

He has the same eye color as their mother, blue violet, which stands out a little more than his dad’s or brother’s

He covers his freckles with foundation because hes insecure about them

Did a year of junior college before deciding school wasnt exactly for him anymore, but still goes to events for his best friend Logan

Works at a cafe downtown that stays open pretty late( they do dinner its almost a diner but not) part time, and the other half does youtube for a living

Has a cat that had to stay in his childhood home named Sally that Andy takes care of for him

Has been considering getting another cat for his apartment

Big firm believer in the unknown and the paranormal/supernatural

Hes wiccan and has an alter in his bedroom thats apart of his facecam background

He has a tarot deck but doesnt really do readings other than little ones for himself, as divination isnt his strong suit

Has a big crystal collection hes been adding to since high school

He can sing but doesnt have alot of confidence in his voice so he just doesnt

And also introducing~

The picani-sanders family! Aka ethen's big ol family

From left to right

Patton Picani

Ethen's older brother(by two years)

Him and ethen are emile's foster kids, but he adopted him when they were like nine and seven.

Patton is 23 and happily works at the library downtown as a librarian and a reader to the kids

He loves music and musicals and all things disney (partially thanks to his boyfriend roman)

He and Ethen come off as complete opposites and they have a very playful relationship, always teasing each other 

He loves his family alot and loves babysitting his little brother Thomas whenever his schedule allows it, especially during times of year Emile and Remy get swamped with work

He loves to knit and sew and make things!!! He makes sweaters and jackets and dresses and customizes clothes!! He could make a living on it if he really wanted!! (but he just does it for friends and loved ones instead- Andy has a hoodie that Patton sew wool on the inside to keep him warm and Andy adores it)

Hes really outgoing and friendly and seems to make friends wherever he goes! 

He’s known Roman since they were kids and was crushing on him all through school until they got together senior year 

He loves to bake and cook and help his dad make dinner whenever hes at home

Hes a sappy romantic and loves cliches

He has a huge collection of stuffed animals that hes been slowly transferring to his and roman’s apartment since he moved out(theres ALOT)

Emile Picani

The dad!! Hes in his mid 50s 

He works as a singular and couples therapist  and can have a bit of a wacky schedule

Hes been raising Patton and Ethen since they were little and loves his kids so damn much

So goddamn supportive of what they do, sometimes to the point its embarrassing(for Ethen)

Hes engaged to Remy Sanders and once their married their just going to combine their last names

He loves cartoons and gardening! And has his own collection of stuffed animals and toys(which hes been sharing with Thomas) 

He loves making dad jokes and him and Patton make them all the time at Ethen

Hes a damn great cook and has been teaching his boys to cook for years now, and loves making big meals 

Not really a strict parent, more of a sit down and talk it out kinda parent

Is part of the PTA of Thomas’s school

Actually used to be a punk in school

Thomas Sanders-Picani

The youngest! Hes 8 years old!

Our boy loves to read and write! He writes tons and tons of stories!

Hes got a huge imagination and likes to daydream

Hes bubbly even though he isnt the most social he still has a good group of friends!

Our lil boi is an actor of course! He loves getting parts in the school plays and in class assignments.

Hes in his schools choir  and gets vocal lessons from Roman’s mama

 His room is filled with toys and books and notebooks and pencils, and even though he tries his best to keep it clean it gets messy every week.(cleaning it is his weekly chore)

He has two best friends named Joan and Talyn that hes been friends with now since kindergarden and theyve been nearly inseperable ever since, its not uncommon for one of both of them to be at each others house on any given weekend

Hes Remy’s kid but has started calling himself by Emile’s last name too since they moved in with the Picani’s

Doesnt have too many memories of his mother but the ones he does have are all happy and pleasant(thankfully)

Calls Emile baba and Remy dada to distinguish them better

Loves his older brothers especially when they play with him, He also loves watching the old videos of Ethen’s theater performances and sometimes pesters him to reenact scenes from them( his favorite is the middle school production of ‘Alice in Wonderland’)

Ethen Picani

Our other main boy, hes also twenty one

He lives with his best and childhood friend Remus Prince in two bedroom apartment across town near the college

Does youtube full time for a living

the “black sheep” of the family as he and Remus call him 

He majored in theater in his two years of college

Loves reptiles but doesnt have any because their apartment complex doesnt allow pets and he doesnt want to get him and remus kicked out since their apartment is close to Remus’s work

Has a car he loving refers to as his “hand me down junk heap” Because he got Patton’s first car when patton got a new one

He loves the old thing though 

Has a good relationship with his parents. He loves his dad Emile and he likes Remy well enough

Him and remy have a very casual, relaxed relationship.( Ex: “ Dad you need to stop letting sleepless bums into the house” “ He’ll stop doing that when he stops letting punk wannabes into his kitchen, now get over here kid.” ) 

Loves his boyfriend Virgil to death and likes to spoil him when he can(even though virgil tells him to save his money for rent)

Hes more of a open skeptic but he’ll happily debate things with Virgil, and enjoys making videos for their joint youtube channel and being proven otherwise

He also has his own solo youtube channel where he does abandon urban exploration( sometimes with Remus tagging along for the thrill)

Remus has been calling him by the nickname “Dee” since middle school when they played Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Remus called him Dee so often he made it stick as a nickname years and years later. He refuses to let it die and Ethen has just accepted his fate

Remy Sanders

Hes around Emile’s age( mid 50′s) and looks the tallest in the family at 6′3

He came into the family later, when the boys were about 20 and 18( when thomas was about 5 or so)

Hes pretty laid back but surprising good at being strict, so he balances out Emile’s parenting style

Hes a divorcee and got guardianship of Thomas, though hes on a friendly and civil relationship with thomas’s mother and takes him to visit her three times a month( theyre currently working out more visitations and possibly thomas staying with his mother a couple weeks every months but thats still in the works)

Hes an insomiac and (usually) works night shifts as a security guard for a security renting business so his working hours can be a little unpredicitble, but he almost always works at least two night shifts and graveyard shifts a week. Hes paid both a salary plus an additional commissions by employers so its well worth it

He spends as much time with his kid and the boys as he can regardless of his wonky sleep schedule

Hes a bit of a tough love kinda person, and hes snarky and mouthy and doesnt hesitate to speak his mind

Loves Emile soooo goddamn much he talks about him alot at work to his fellow security guards. Theyre the ones who helped him pick a ring when he proposed actually

Oh yeah the two are engaged did I mention that?

He fuels Emile’s plushie collecting, even if he knows he probably shouldnt( But oh well, it makes him smile and thats all he wants to see)

Looks punk now but he was the biggest straight laced prep in highschool that comparing him now to him in highschool gives you whiplash

Would fucking die for his family. No one messes with his fiance or his kids, he doesnt care if two of them are fully capable adults 

And its done!! Two of the four main families is finished!

And watch out because im also coloring these digitally(its just taking awhile :/) but those will be getting posted soon...I hope...Im trying

But here you go Virgil’s and Ethen’s families in two cute family photos!

Let me just add im so fucking proud of The Picani-Sanders photo because it was a struggle to fit them all in the picture and get the heights right and the entire side of my arm was grey with pencil lead by the time I was done but it turned out great!

Up next is Roman and Remus’s family the Princes and Logan’s family the Daniels!! 

Art references are credited to @the-pastel-peach​ @aimasup​ and @underdog-arts​ , especially @aimasup​ and @underdog-arts​ for getting 8 year old thomas to look like a kid because im not normally good at drawing little kids but after practicing with some of their art as my reference and inspiration he turned out really well!! 

I hope you guys enjoy!!

Taglist

@phantommoonpeople

@sweetsweetemo

@leesacrakon

@amazable01

@starbucks-remy

@jemthebookworm

@max-is-tired

@seriously-a-dragon

@sar-kasstic

@soupspam

@aimasup

@sugarglider9603

@underdog-arts

@strawberryjellystuff

[thestudentfarmer]

The very start of our garden....

So I want to share the start of the garden, or more accurately the VERY base start of it.

5 years ago my sister and I took a huge financial leap and purchased a house.  It was something we had sorta planned together when we were younger, but didnt really think much of until we moved into an apartment together. 

(It keepss loading the pic at the bottom of the post, so I apologise for multi edits)

This is what it looked like when we first moved in. Cropped out for our neighbours privacy is also a palm tree.

We knew from the get go that we wanted to be able to garden and 'farm' as best we could from our location, even if we didnt fully know how. We specifically chose it because we could keep chickens, it wasnt in an hoa and was close to where we both worked. If we had been able to, we would have purchased further out of town, but we had to make some sacrifices to get what we wanted on our budget and still be able to do what we wanted.

As you can see the previous owners put in rock, likely because it is extremly low maintenance and looked nice (according to the real estate agent, its 'basic' and adds value to a listed home 🙄). It took us nearly 4 years to remove the rocks. 😥

We tried listing it up on craigslist for sale, for free, offered to help load it up. Would have helped cart it off but due to being broke kids and now a mortgage to pay off we had one really old car between us and it was not something that  would go the distance so to speak (another reason for our location choice).  In the end.... we ended up shoveling a few scoops each week into the trash until it was gone. That took at least 8 or 9 months. Unfortunately we are still pulling rocks out of the smaller area near the front patio, but it is what it is :(

The end result was a hot barren chunk of cracking clay like earth and a stump. The soil in our area is literally clay and rock. It is HARD as all git, you can take a shovel to it and get mayby 3 Inches in the ground.

Those teeny plants pictured we pulled them out, because we wanted to try and grow mostly edible plants and the tiny bushes were not edible in anyway (come to find out, they are generally considered poisonous but a very common landscaping plant in our area! 🤯). The palm we ended up cutting down as we are not fans of the palm trees around here for pest reasons and it was getting too big for us to trim and care for on our own. We also tried all the things we did for the rock to no avail. In the end we paid a neighbor to cut it down and remove it for us. The stump we're keeping, mostly because it makes a nice planter roost :)

Since we really didnt know what might have been used on or in the soil we had to work to amend it some and wait. We added no less than 6 truckloads of free state offered woodchip/compost and just waited. Mostly because we didnt have any extra money or knowledge or on where to go next. (At the time as well we did not have a good social network, nor access to computers to research, thank the sky and sea for updated phones and libraries!)

I would like to add as a side note, if you have the money, buy compost/mulch from a reputable company, if you can. The bulk free stuff was not fully broke down and sprouted lots of little mesquite trees and a bunch of thorny bushes that are native to our home state. We ended up waiting a lot longer than we wanted, at least another 6 months, but probably longer and had to pull/trim/dig out whatever sprouted. I ended up with lots of prickly thorny wounds over that time, even with gloves :(  I do think in the end it was worth it though, but dang them prickly thorny boi's hurt!  End side note 

Anywho, during the last 3ish years I decided to start attending collage. Originally it was to learn about aquaponics and crop production since the local communitycollege has a course in it, which has now turned into me going for at least an associates degree in sustainable agriculture. I went in to get solid know how on how to grow food and grow it well. To which, so far I have not been dissapointed. I'm still attending and have a little while to go, but that is still a part of my story unfolding day to day :)

So last november was when I finally got us going in seriousness to getting our garden going. Some was due to the covid situation, but more because unless we just get to it and do it we'll never really learn how to do it!

Next post I'll share how we did our set up~

🌱 🍃 Happy Gardening everyone! 🍃 🌱

[celestialmystical]

Crystals, a Kalimba, & Lancome Perfume

This morning, September 9th, 2020, I woke up without my consent. It was one of those abrupt, rude awakenings you get quite frequently if you live at my parent's house.

My first thought when I woke up like this was, "Out of all the things I'm not going to miss about America, (which is a lot), having to hear my dog bark at the top of his lungs so early in the morning is at the tippity tip top of my list."

The last couple of days I haven't been able to sleep well because today, at midnight, or I guess tomorrow, I am going to go on a plane to South Korea, where I'll be living for a whole year--at the least.

I've been in a mixture of excitement and nervousness for the last couple of days which I just call antsy. When I'm antsy, even if I fall asleep, the slumber is restless and unsatisfying.

Even the day before I was feeling antsy and tired, but because I had an 'open house' where my friends could come in and chill with me while I packed, it cancelled out my tiredness completely.

It started off with hanging out with my friend, we'll call him Sad Boy, at my local Starbucks. We hadn't talked in a while, probably not since the start of quarantine, six months ago. We had a lot to catch up to each other, and because we both basically have the same astrological chart, we were able to really connect and be there for each other.

It made me think: Am I really ready to leave America and go to South Korea?

Later, we went back to my house and other people came over. We'll call them: Slow Walker, Hot Manga Chick, and Avatar.

We all mostly just sat in my room and talked and caught up with each other. I had one of my suitcases packed before I met up with Sad Boy and didn't really do anything productive while we were all together. But it was extremely fun and comforting to know how much my friends love and care about me.

They were the ones to convince me to write this blog.

Again I thought, Am I ready to go?

Anyway, before dinner time, which was like 6:30, they left.

Then, 10 minutes later, after a long day of work in a hospital and an hour drive, showed up my friend, Birthing Hips.

After I was done eating, we went up into my room, talked, caught up, and I thought she was going to leave, because I thought she was very tired from her long day of work. BUT she stayed. And I am so grateful and thankful that she did.

Without the amazing, practical Birthing Hips and another guest I will mention later, my packing would have been disastrous.

Going through my dresser was fine and easy. It was just delicates, pajamas, and shorts. Birthing Hips helped me slim down my pickings for those things.

Birthing Hips helped me roll my clothes and put them in these plastic bags that you squeeze the air out of so it compresses and makes less space. Birthing Hips used her magical birthing hip strength to squeeze the air out of the bags for me which was no easy feat let me tell you.

Once it came to my closet, that was a more difficult issue.

I told Birthing Hips, I'm just going to take everything that I want to bring off of my hangers and put them in pile.

She was like k.

So, I pulled one thing off. Then another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

Each article of clothing made Birthing Hips' eyes go wider and wider.

Once I was done with my closet, which only had five pieces of clothes left in it, I turned to Birthing Hips, who was starring at me like I was crazy, and said, "That's summer. Now onto winter."

Birthing Hips looked beyond stressed for me. I was oblivious.

I took everything out of the cabinet below my closet and plopped them all onto the same pile.

I said, "Done!"

The pile was higher than my fan, who wears the only bucket hat I own better than I do and is named Rebecca.

Birthing Hips looked at the pile and was like, "Yeah, you're going to have to cut that down."

But I'll be gone for a whole year! I need all of these! I thought then.

But I trusted Birthing Hips because she is so logical and practical, and I am very much whimsical and impulsive, which I know isn't a great thing to be when you're packing. Plus, she has been to South Korea before.

So I tried cutting it.

After a couple of minutes, Birthing Hips spoke again: "I feel like you're just putting the same pile to the other side of the room."

Which I was. But I honestly couldn't imagine myself not having all of those clothes. How am I supposed to know what I'll wanna wear there? I'm going to be there for a whole year, shouldn't I bring everything?

But no. I couldn't. I could only bring 2 suitcases, 1 carry-on, and the suitcases couldn't be anymore than fifty pounds. I wanted one suitcase for clothes and shoes, the other for everything else.

So I really had to think which outfits I had to have now versus what I could have later, when my parents could ship it to me.

Finally, I was able to cut the pile half it's size. And then I cut it again half it's size.

Birthing Hips approved and it was go time.

That's when the amazing Glitter Queen came over with McDonalds and box for me to put stuff that I want shipped to me later in. Yay. She also helped us roll and squeeze the bags of clothes. And helped me decide on only four pairs of shoes.

That was difficult for me. FOUR???

Anyway, after the clothing suitcase, Birthing Hips looked at my other packed suitcase and saw it was still kind of opened.

She was like, "I have a strong feeling we should look in there."

Glitter Queen agreed after hearing about the struggle of me packing my clothes.

They opened it and were immediately mortified.

All of my toiletries were haphazardly placed without protection in the top zipper bag of the suitcase and everything inside was a mess that looked like I was just trying to cram as much stuff in there are possible--which is exactly what I did.

Birthing Hips laughed and took out something, "A crystal? You're bringing a crystal?"

"I'm bringing three of them." I told her.

"This is going to break if we don't wrap it with something."

"Why are you bringing a Kalimba?" Glitter Queen inquired and took out the little instrument that I painted. "Do you even touch this thing?"

"I do!" I yelled.

I took the Kalimba from her and tried to play the Avatar theme song. I failed miserably but still said, "I love this thing. I have to bring it."

Then Glitter Queen took out my huge Lancome Perfume. "Girl, this is going to break and shatter everywhere."

It went on like this. Everything they took out, they had something to joke about how it would break. So we had to take some things out, like one of my crystals because it was an easily breakable one even if we did wrap it, and we had to take out a jewelry box made out of glass. We had to put a lot of things in little baggies to make sure if anything spilled it wouldn't go everywhere.

It made sense to me when they were explaining how each item could have lead to horrible damage and I wasnt angry at all but thankful. It was just so funny to me how I didn't think about any of that at all when I was packing and what might of happened if we never opened that suitcase.

I also took out the Kalimba but I would not compromise the Lancome Perfume.

Priorities, you know?

So we put that in one of my purses and put a towel over everything else.

As I was putting the Kalimba back on the shelf I said, "This is so cute though, even though I don't really use it. I wish I could bring it."

"So you finally admit you don't touch it?" Glitter Queen said.

We all laughed.

Again I thought, Am I ready to leave all of my friends who are so amazing and helpful in so many unique, beautiful ways?

Later we hung out outside with another one of my friends, we'll call him Pumpkin Ghost, which was fun because we spilled, sipped, drank, and choked from laughter on all the tea we had for each other.

I thought, I am so lucky to have such amazing friends. Even though I want to explore the world on my own, am I ready to leave everything and everyone I love and know, and instead, follow my heart and face the unknown?

The next day came, which is today. Nothing really special happened. I ran last minutes errands. Taped shampoo down and put it in a plastic baggie like Birthing Hips told me to do. My mom gave me a pedicure, which hasn't happened since I was a child, but we bickered and talked the same. My dad and I went to get food, we kind of talked and he mostly played on his phone, like usual.

Night time came, my parents drove me to LAX. We listened to my r&b playlist on the way there. I watched everything out of the car window with the mindset that this is the last time I'm going to see all of these things that I've seen several of hundreds of times since I was three years old.

Am I really ready for this?

I felt somber and forlorn and confused.

We parked in the parking lot at the airport. Already I was feeling what I've been craving, to be the minority in terms of race. It felt scary and uncomfortable, but also thrilling and exhilarating.

My parents walked me into the airport, helped me out with checking in my bags, and getting my ticket.

Then it was time for me to go through security. SO I had to say goodbye.

I hugged my mom and then I hugged my dad, and he held me so tight and for so long, tighter and longer than any other hug I've ever received from him. And he started crying. I cry now as I write this but then I was just so overwhelmed with everything and the line was moving.

Then I really thought, I could leave now. I could stop this now. Am I really ready? Do I really want to do this? This is a big step. A huge step. Moving across the world into a country that doesn't primarily speak English. What am I doing?

But my feet moved on their own. I got on the escalator, waved goodbye to my parents, and went through security.

As I waited in the airport and kept myself busy, I still kept asking myself, Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready?

Then I got on the airplane. Got myself situated. Buckled my seatbelt. Waited more.

Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready?

The airplane slowly started backing up and make it's way onto the ramp.

Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready?

It drove to the edge of drive way and started speeding against it.

I gripped onto the arms of my chair, watching out of the window was the background blurred by faster and faster.

The plane lifted, and my gut dropped, but my heart soared and lighted my entire being and came out of my throat:

"I'm ready."

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

[connor-murphy-trash]

High school production of Newsies

Okay I just saw a local high school preform Newsies and I LOVED IT. It was so good and professional and here are some of my thoughts from it;

Crutchies fall at the beginning was so believable, like if I didnt know it was going to happened I would have freaked

Jack and Crutchie singing Santa Fe was amazing and they blessed my ears

Carrying the Banner was amazinging as always and I am officially even more in love with Race because the girl who played him was s o g o o d

The dancing was great for being in limited space and being in a high school

Davey was hella sassy and I was L I V I N G

Like hes not sweet and innocent like Ben Fankhauser plays him

He has attitude and I love it

The girl who played Les was great and had a super nice voice

Also I though she was max 11 years old

But apparently shes a freshman

So she was v smol and adorable as Les

Pulitzer looked shockingly similar to the actor that plays him in Newsies Live

As they walked into Meddas theater they were playing the tune of My Lovey-Dovey Baby from the movie and I almost died

The girl who played Medda also played Finch

And she had such a good voice like wow we stan a queen

Katherine was amazing

She had the perfect voice and was amazing at acting

She added so much sass to Katherine

Like even more than Kara Lindsay does

The set changes were great

Like ya know those metal things they climb on in newsies live? The ones that move around the stage?

Well they had more of a DIY version of those that just were at the back of the stage the whole time

And they had projectors just like Newsies Live and they would change the pictures on them to set the scene

Like I know that's not a big deal

But shout out to whoever controls that shit

Also shout out to the orchestra, they did amazingly

The girl who was playing Katherine got fucked over because her mic kept popping all through Watch What Happens

But she powered through anyways

And she was amazing and so in character the whole time

The fight after Seize The Day had me shook™

Like everyone was all over the place

And the punches and stuff looked so real

I flinched at a few of them

And dont even get me started on how amazing Jack was when he sang Santa Fe

The raw emotion was so heart breaking

His voice cracked a few times and he didnt quite hit the high note at the end but it just added to it all

Honestly I would not be surprised if he makes it to Broadway

Or the girl who played Katherine

Or Race

Or Medda

Like they all were so fucking good

King of New York was epic

When Katherine first came out in the start of act two

You could hear her tap shoes

And I got so fucking excited

The dancing was perfect and they kept a lot of the original choreography

Specs tap solo on the table wasnt in it tho and I was v sad

Letter from The Refuge was a tear jerker

I didnt cry

But I fucking wanted too

How he sang it was kinda different than the actual show and I love that he put his own twist on it

"Go AnD lOoK iT uP tHe PoOr GuYs HeAd Is SpInNiNg"

We stan Davey so much oml

Everytime Pulitzer would yell or raise his voice I would flinch a little bit

Apparently all of the Oldsies were played by teachers

All do respect, but I do NOT want him as my teacher, nope, no thanks

But he played the part SO GOOD

He had a slightly higher voice than I was expecting but it was still great

I'm always a slut for Spot Conlon

But he was the only one who was dressed in red for Brooklyns Here

So it just seemed like he was the only one from Brooklyn

Also he was kinda tall

I was hoping for the ironicness of "dem Brooklyn boys is big" *out walks tiny ass Spot Conlon* like it is with Tommy Broco

Normally I feel like Jack and Katherine's relationship is forced a bit because ~Disney~

But it felt so real between them

Like throughout the whole show they had chemistry

And the kiss and Something to Believe in was GOALS

Like they are the cutest

The key change in once and for all of course cleansed my soul

As it always does

When Roosevelt shook Jack's hand he instantly went over to Katherine to fangirl

Davey was a complete after thought

Also Roosevelt was wearing a huge top hat

And he took it off and put it onto the desk and the first thing Spot did was put it on and make weird faces

The finally was amazing as always

And everyone dancing was so perfect at the end

I could go on for HOURS about how talented these kids are

But I think this is where I'm going to end this shit because I'm ranting

Moral of the story, no matter who's putting it on, go see Newsies

I'm still shook and I saw it 9 hours ago

Also I am so sorry if I left anything out at all haha

I'm just so hyped

Low key I might go back tomorrow just to see it again

Oops haha

[froggheadd]

I just saw a local BMC production and it was so good

Jeremy is sooooo tall, oh my god. He genuinely looked like WPC, I was amazed. He was wearing an x-men snapback so when he said “Like X-men” He guestured really wildly to his hat. His voice kept cracking when he was singing but it WORKED! It was as close to seeing wpc as Jeremy as I’ll ever get.

Christine was adorable, she had big curly brown hair in pigtails and her first outfit was a flowly long pink dress/shirt with unicorn rainbow leggings and white converse. Then she switched to a rainbow stripped sweater with a yellow overall skirt, and then for the voices in my head she has a white short sleeved shirt with a long yellow dress over it. Her backpack was reversible sequins and had buttons all along the straps.

They went for a red scheme for the squip and he had red contacts in!!! 

During two player game, Jeremy and Michael had matching mario luigi remotes

Speaking of Michael, he’s SO MUCH shorter than Jeremy and he has ultimate curly hair but cut like how you'd imagine Michael’s hair looking. His hoodie is the weird teal purple squiggle that’s on cups a lot. He genuinely looked like he was 15 or 16 but I talked to my friend in the cast and he’s actually 21??? He looks like a baby. His mitb was s o g o o d I was about to cry...my friend I was with did cry. 

Michael’s pac man tattoo was a fucking tramp stamp

when Mr. Heere came in during two player game like "IS THAT A GIRL" Michael did a lil smile with squinty eyes and a lil wave 

BROOKE IS ADORABLE AND I ADORE HER!! Her hair was half up half down in space buns, and there were lil pink bows on the buns. She was wearing a pink, yellow, and white fuzzy stripped sweater crop top? With a pale pink overall skirt, and her shoes were half see through if that makes sense? With pink fuzzy socks.

The "girls shirt" that Jeremy picks up during The Squip Song pt 1. was a jean jacket with studs ALL OVER. jfc Jeremy you mess.

During the Squip song pt 2 when Brooke left she said ‘au revoir’ bc she thought jere dated Madeline who's french

During the scenes in upgrade with Jeremy and Brooke, starting when Jeremy starting crying, they had dramatic movie music playing and what sounded like rain. Very Notebook-y. The ensemble was on stage with some boxes set up like bleachers, in 3d glasses eating popcorn like the whole thing was a movie

The squip was always kinda followed about by a group of four girls in red lip stick, red heels, clout glasses, and white dresses and i love all of them. By Pitiful Children tho they’re dressed in all red dresses with hoods? That’s coming back to the Squip’s color scheme being red. HE WAS WEARING AIR PODS HOW COULD I ALMOST FORGET!!! HE HAD FUCKIN AIR PODS IN!!!

A GUY THAT ID KINDA BE INTO!!! Everyone came out in renaissance outfits and were ball dancing around Jere and Christine. They were kinda dancing like that one scene in pride and prejudice where everyones in white dresses

They had basically a giant lazy susan on stage? Think the spinning stage in hamilton except it was above the floor. There was a hole in it the squip popped out of it??? I think it mightve been for More Than Survive Reprise??

When the Squip tucked Jeremy in, he held up a blanket that had a giant picture of Spock on it

Jeremy dressed up as Spock for Halloween (good riddance to the spandex cyborg costume!)

In the dance battle Jake only did Fortnite dances

During Do You Wanna Hang the Squip said “SEX! The final frontier” while doing the hand thing. 

Michael was dressed as Darth Vader. His entrance was cued by the star wars music and Darth Vader breathing. 

When Jake breaks in through the window the whole thing went to slow motion, with Jeremy dodging punches and running past Brooke. It was a really funny addition.

The Squip’s final costume was hilarious he had shoulder pads that came out like 6 inches. Hold on I cant even describe it lemme draw it. Ah yes. The look of pure evil.

Mr Heere was as much of a nerd as Jeremy. All of his interactions were delivered like he was trying to make dad jokes until his fight with Jeremy. That whole scene was amazing, all of the joking faded away and he was really trying to find out what was wrong with Jere. Amazing.

In the pants song when Michael sang "when you love somebody" all the lights turned pink. So.....

Mr. Heere and Michael starting doing lil karate moves together. We love a power duo.

People being "squipped" was them putting on clout glasses

OH! There wasnt a Mr. Reyes!! It was Mrs. Reyes and she reminded me of Ms. Darbus from hsm so 10/10

The fight during the play with Jere and Michael was staged like mortal combat fight? It was really cool, I loved it.

When Mr Heere came on during the hospital scene with a tie and pants on, the tie had a lava lamp on it (like I said. Huge nerd)

When Michael said “Im sure someone would be lucky to have you” he patted him on the back and Rich SQUEAKED! Then Mr. Heere came in and patted Rich’s shoulder and he squeaked again. Poor boy.

Rich was leaving the stage and he fell right next to my seat. When he came back his chin was bleeding :( 

I talked to the guy who played the Squip after and he said he saw us and he almost started laughing while singing

[wuffzilla]

Happy 2020!!!

My 1st dream of the New Year involved me tracking down a gang that kidnapped and ate little girls then turning into a werewolf and slaughtering every one of them! It had parts that I found funny + creepy + VERY COOL + interesting, so I feel like saving it here where I can find it again.

I was searching for a missing roommate with several Dream NPCs, who were also my roommates. A girl who was either... in high school or college... or grade school? IDK the dream was kinda vague about her age????? BUT she looked really super young, like a grade schooler. She was also kind of a snooty bitch, super vain and proud of her looks and all her talent/smarts/pageant trophies. But abandoning someone to a unknown fate just cause theyre an asshole wasnt the kind of karma we wanted against her.

The area we were in, a college town I think, had been having trouble with grade school age girls going missing. So my Dream roomies and I just KNEW this chick had gotten taken by the same people. AND WE WERE RIGHT!! Somehow we found out that there was a local Mafia type gang who kidnapped lil girls and cooked them to eat?? Like into bacon and jerky and such???

Now that Im awake I think it was inspired by that Lion Yakuza gang in Beastars! (SPOILERS?) Their reasoning was even similar, something along the lines of being gourmets and only eating the most tender and perfect of meats. But these Dream guys where just a buncha humans.

Their Front was that they operated a farm where they raised, butchered, & sold sheep meat. It was very well known locally and praised for its high quality products at affordable prices. NPCs and I even saw a commercial for it on DreamTV, I think thats what made us realize where that girl was? SOMEHOW?? But the sheep were about the same size as the girls that went missing so they had all the equipment they needed to hide bodies of that size.

ANYWAY half of us went to the cops, the other half snuck onto the property to do reconnaissance work. While spying, we ran into my mom and several of my aunts who were also there for the same purpose!!!  Apparently they were in a group that had been trying to find the ones responsible for the missing girls for ages and had just now narrowed it down to these guys!!!

So now theres this huge group of people hiding behind a rickety old fence, and somehow none of the workers notice us. They were too focused on work I guess?  BUT THEN WE ALL SAW SOMETHING idk what THAT PROVED WE WERE RIGHT!!! And everyone but me whipped out their phones to take vids/pics for evidence and contact the authorities to GTF over here!

I was the only one who didnt take out my phone because I turned into a Werewolf and went BALLISTIC on all those bastards. Just fucking smashing through walls of the warehouse and ripping everyone in my path to BLOODY SHREDS!!!! The morons didnt even try to escape, they just kept trying more and more ways to stop me, that all failed.

Guns didnt hurt me, nor machetes, nor bombs. One guy threw a dog toy that DID admittedly distract me for a minute, Im ashamed to say. Bouncing squeaky balls are apparently my one weakness as a berserk monstrosity???? But when I realized what had happened I immediately turned on the dude and ripped his entire face and chest off.

Off in the distance I could tell that Dream Roomies, Mom n Aunts, & Cops were doing what they needed to do to get the surviving girls to safety.  And they just let me continue mangling all the gang members.  Apparently no one cares when kidnapping cannibals meet a painful and terrifying end? I think they had enough evidence to show this was justified too.

But it was still kinda funny cause they were ofc very seriously worried about checking the girls to see what help they needed, and it showed on their faces. But theyd glance my way to watch me literally bite someones head off, and be like huh ok no biggie with a casual expression, and turn back to the girls and immediately look worried as hell.

[hazcoms]

A little info and backstory on Hazcom DILF, my crush, who I tag as M.

He is a safety instructor, now exclusively for wind energy students it seems, at the tech school I go to. He was one of the two guys who gave us our class on hazcom and fire safety in nursing school (which was in 2018), probably the best day of school I had in that class. I had so much fun in that class, and it didnt help that I like M a lot.

When I first saw him, I knew I was going to have a problem bc this guy was my type. Dark hair with a bit of grey, scruffy facial hair, attractive outfit, and just the energy he possessed. His voice was interesting, one of the girls in class compared it to Steve O, but he also had a southern-ish accent so that made things funnier with that comparison.

He and the other instructor, we'll call him "Fire Guy" or "S," were hilarious. Not only as people themselves, but also as a team. They took jabs at each other and us as well. Although, M seemed to be a little less...I dont know, not mean, but rather...teasing? When he talked. I really dont know how to describe it. But S teased us far more than M did.

M and S both know my father, apparently, and that made me feel even more awkward about my growing attraction to M. Other than asking me about him and asking me a question about smoke during a slideshow, they did not really call me out. I was still pretty shy and quiet at that point, but if I had the class now I'm sure I would have been louder and participated more.

Anyways, the class started with one of our nursing teachers guiding us to the building where we had the class. It's detached from the main building, and to get to it you have to climb up a little hill made of big gravel and go past a weird object that S called "a rocket ship." It's a big cylindrical thing and I have no clue what it actually is and I havent had the courage to ask anybody what it is in all my years at this school.

Walking past the rocket ship, we were dive bombed by a flock of pigeons that apparently live inside the thing, and it scared all of us and it felt like resident evil. You know, the crows in 1 and 0 that come at you for breathing wrong? That's how it felt. So we ran the rest of the way.

In the building, it was freezing. Like 40 degrees. It was a good thing I wore a jacket, but others were not so lucky and they had to occasionally go outside to get warm. Later on in the class if we complained about how cold it was, they would turn down the temperature even more to make it colder. Funny, but irritating. We all sat down, and since none of us really knew each other, we sat sporadically at different tables. Some of us, including myself, were by ourselves. I was happy with that.

The first teacher to come in was S. M came in a few minutes later, but I didnt know he was M, his name was said by my teacher to be our instructor but since S was more talkative and acted like he was the teacher, I assumed he was M. But he wasnt, obviously.

As the two instructors prepared to teach us or whatever, they played a video of like...fail compilations for whatever reason. And that changed to a more safety focused thing when the video they played was a fail compilation themed around people setting themselves on fire. As a huge Jackass fan, I found this hilarious. Then they played the fire safety scene from the Office, and then a video known as Highway to Hazmat Hell (Watch here). If you don't want to watch it, it's basically a truck carrying cylinders under pressure which start falling off and a bunch of explosions and crashes happen while Highway to Hell by AC/DC plays. Great video.

After the video was done, M came to the front of the room and put his backpack down on the table, then sat/leaned on it. S went to the podium and began introducing himself and what the class would be about. I watched M the whole time, entranced by how attractive he is. The teacher really had to be hot and me get a crush? I thought I left that shit in middle school. But apparently not.

After S told us about himself, then he introduced M as "6'3, 170 lbs, and single" (still not sure that the first two are true although he is rather tall) and a few other things. When he said he was single, I felt myself turn all warm. I avoided looking at him. And it was true that he was single, because M had gotten divorced recently and said that he preferred being single. I didnt really care though considering I have no chance with him and I'm already in a lifelong relationship. Even if I wasnt, he knows my father and is old enough to BE my father. I wouldnt date him but I admit I would hook up with him had I been single myself and the circumstance occurred.

Anyways, he told us his life story, and then we got to introduce ourselves. This was where I found out they know my dad, because I said my last name and M looked at me and smirked and said "oh, shes (dads name) kid!" And S was like "oh yeah" and something else I didnt pay attention to because my face was on fire from M even paying attention to me and I became all shy.

After we all introduced ourselves, the slideshow on fire safety began. The first question S asked was, "what elements are needed to start a fire?" A girl in my class, one of the funniest, said, "uhh...fire?" I get where shes coming from, fire is an element in the four elements sense, but he meant like..chemicals or whatever.

So we all had a good laugh at her, and she happens to be from Texas so they would attribute her "stupidity" to that. S told us what is actually needed for a fire to start, and talked more about that. Then came to the subject of smoke, and S asked us what smoke is. Texas girl said "its smoke." We all laughed again, and S was just rolling his eyes and laughing. I dont think he genuinely thought she was stupid, because she isnt, but he wanted to laugh at her being "dumb."

The lecture continued and eventually we noticed this windowed room beyond a glass door attached to this room was beginning to look hazy. We pointed it out in concern, thinking that maybe they were testing us, but S was like "oh it's just humidity" and we went on with the lecture. Eventually the haze got super super noticeable and M and S called us out on it, asked us why we didn't do anything about the smoke, but it ended up that it was a smoke machine they were using to fuck with us. Which was, admittedly, pretty funny.

Later on, S told us we were going down to the shop to practice using a real fire extinguisher. Not the powder ones, just a water one, since powder would make a mess and fuck with the oxygen. So we all went to climb down that gravel hill, only to realize there was a sidewalk that went up it and M was like "you guys can go that way but I'll walk on the sidewalk like a normal person" which made me laugh and also annoyed at myself for choosing the gravel hill, because it slides down when you walk on it and I almost fell like multiple times.

So we got to the shop and there was this little box thing connected to a propane tank, it looked almost like part of a grill. M explained that it can be controlled to light on fire, similarly to a grill, and the fire can be put out using the same controls or a fire extinguisher. It's used specifically for fire extinguisher training apparently.

S went and filled up the fire extinguishers with water, as they were empty, then brought them out and showed us how to use them. But honestly, me and Texas girl and another girl we will call F were all paying attention to M. More on that later. Anyways, S asked why we were distracted and one girl was like "Texas girl is trying to get M's snapchat" which was a joke, I don't think he even had one.

Next came our time to use the fire extinguishers- we ALL had to do it and it was in front of everyone. Less than half of the class got to put out the fire on the magic training box, which was controlled by M, before it started raining. Like a literal downpour of rain, right out of nowhere. Along with the rain getting us wet (no pun intended irt M) it kept putting out the fire training box, PLUS there was some kind of problem with the gas and the fire training box.

So S sent us with M back to the building so he could figure out what was wrong with the fire training box. M then taught us the hazcom lessons- bloodborne pathogens, PPE, hazmat procedure, MSDS, placards and their meanings, etc. Then he got into the storytelling phase, which was the most entertaining thing.

First he told this story about a guy he either knew or someone he knew knew, who died from rat poison. Then he talked a bit about his time in the oilfield before moving to wind energy, and he told us about how one time they had this bottle of methanol in what looked like a water bottle, and one of his coworkers came in and just started drinking it. Like, he didn't notice it was in fact NOT water and WAS methanol, and just kept drinking it. M did not elaborate on the fate of this guy, but I can't imagine it was good.

Now came the best story. Liquid Fire. Liquid Fire is an infamous drain cleaning chemical that if you Google it, will show results of news about bad things happening with it. But they do still sell it, I found some in a hardware store and took a selfie with it which I intend to show to M if I ever see him again. Anyways, the story began with M's bath/shower drain being clogged for seemingly no reason, until he found out it was because his kids kept shoving their bath toys down the drain. M tried traditional drain cleaners and other methods, but none worked, so he went to this local hardware place (which my mom has a vendetta against because the people who work there are apparently real cunts) and found a product called Liquid Fire. He claimed that seeing it had a skull and crossbones on it made him sure it would work well.

One of the employees warned M that Liquid Fire was strong, and to only use a certain amount each time. But M said that he was stupid because he's a man and ignored this advice, using much more Liquid Fire than necessary. But the stuff worked, it unclogged the drain, so he continued to use it. Until one day, his bathroom started smelling weird, and he couldn't figure out why. So he hired a plumber, and the plumber looked at the drain.

The plumber then told M that the smell was because his shower water was draining directly under the house and stagnating. M asked why. Plumber explained that his pipes? Gone. Disappeared. Not there. After some investigation, they discovered that it was the Liquid Fire which destroyed the PVC pipes completely, it is THAT corrosive and he used THAT much of it. The reason it worked so well on the bath toy problem was because it was literally dissolving the plastic toys, and when it got done with them, it moved on to the pipes.

After M told the story he paused for laughter, which we did a lot of, and from then on Liquid Fire became a running joke between me and F, and a story I'd reference all the time, even to people who weren't there. We then went over a bit more stuff that I don't remember exactly, and S came back in saying the rain had stopped and the fire box was working again.

Well, part of that was true. The fire box wasn't working again, but using some kind of gas and a cigarette lighter from one of my classmates, S got it working again. The class then got to continue putting out the fire, and guess who was dead last? Yeah, me. Back then, I was a scrawny little thing. I'm 5'1, and then I was a size 00 XS who weighed 90 pounds and carried all that weight in her breasts (still where most of my weight is btw). So yeah, I had some trouble picking up the fire extinguisher. They're heavier than you think. S had to literally stand behind me and help me hold the damn thing- it was embarrassing enough being last, but being the only girl in class who could hold the extinguisher herself? Even worse.

I can only imagine how flustered I would've been if M had been the one holding me and the extinguisher. I may have just passed out. Anyways, I get to finally use the extinguisher!! By then, it was in a downpour again, but we couldn't delay anymore because lunch break was coming up and we didn't have time to delay.

So I'm in the pouring rain, held by S, extinguishing a controlled fire. But as soon as I got it out the first time, my celebration was cut short because M TURNED IT BACK ON. And the funny thing? HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND SMIRKED AS HE DID IT. HE LAUGHED THE SECOND TIME. That's right, there was a second time, because he turned it back on after I extinguished it FOUR TIMES!!!!

Now I don't know why he did this to me in particular, or why he found it so funny, but at the time I was irritated. Later on I thought about it and was like oh. Wait. He was teasing me, that's kinda cute. So anyways after the fourth time of tormenting me in the pouring rain, I got the fire out and it was lunch time, so me and the class bid S and M goodbye.

Later, after we all got back from lunch, Texas girl called M a dilf. And oh my God did I feel relieved that I wasn't the only one who thought so. F also was attracted to him, while the girl who sat next to me was weirded out bc apparently he looks like her dad. We discussed M for a bit before the teachers got back.

From that day on, M was on my brain CONSTANTLY. I'd see him occasionally (check out my diary tag for M incidents) around the school and freak out each time. I still, to this day in 2021, have feelings for M. And they're strange feelings, because Im obviously in love with my boyfriend and we are getting married asap and I'd never leave him, but I talked over my situation with M with my therapist and she said it was fine.

Anyways, that's the story of M. Check out my diary or M tags for more stories and feelings about him. If you actually read this, thanks, and I hope you enjoy my blog.

[arplis]

Arplis - News: A service roller coaster: Review of SriLankan Airlines business class on the A330-300

TPG Rating

75 100

Pros

Very good seat; great food; cheap price in miles.

Cons

Inconsistent service; expensive and very slow Wi-Fi.

15/20 Ground Experience

25/30 Cabin + Seat

10/15 Amenities + IFE

17/20 Food + Beverage

8/15 Service

SriLankan Airlines is a small carrier with just 26 aircraft in its fleet, so it sometimes gets overlooked. But its a member of the Oneworld alliance with British Airways, American Airlines and 10 other major carriers, so it was high time we gave Sri Lankas flag carrier a whirl.

Its direct flight between London Heathrow (LHR) and Colombo (CMB) is a great way to get to Sri Lanka using Avios or other Oneworld miles like American Airlines. And Colombo is also a great jumping-off point to nearby destinations such as the Maldives. Flying through Colombo is also a good way to score phenomenally cheap tickets in premium classes, such as Emirates First.

Ultimately, this SriLankan flight ended up below the 79-point average score of our long-haul business-class reviews. The airline delivered a great food experience and did relatively well on the ground, but couldnt keep up in the service department.

In This Post

Booking

TPG used just 42,500 American Airlines AAdvantage miles to book a one-way business-class ticket from Male, Maldives, to London via Colombo. The other obvious way to book the flight would be with Avios.

Related: Heres why you should care about British Airways Avios

Round-trip cash tickets in business class from Colombo to London, and vice versa, averaged the equivalent of $3,500 in March and April.

Ground Experience

TPG Rating

15/20

4R-ALO

Tail

4yr

Age

13:01

Departure

11h 26m

Duration

As I approached the airport in a taxi, I noticed a sign for business-class passengers pointing off to the left of the main road into the airport. It was marked Silk Route, the name SriLankan gives the ground experience for its business-class passengers.

The cab pulled up outside and staff immediately brought up trolleys to take my bags to the terminal. There was a security check to get inside the building. All bags were scanned and people had to walk through metal detectors as an extra security measure. My name was then checked off a physical passenger manifest and I was led to one of two check-in desks, which were both empty. There was a huge seating area with tables and chairs.

I went out into the main terminal, walking past the main check-in desk on my way. I noticed there was a dedicated Sri Lankan business-class desk here too, which was also for Oneworld Emerald and Sapphire elite members, and a second priority check-in lane for Oneworld Ruby members.

The lines at immigration were short and I headed into the main airside departure hall. The airport is actually quite fun, with a row of over-the-top souvenir shops besides the more typical international duty-free options.

There were two lounges I was eligible to use: the Serenediva for Oneworld Sapphire members, and the superior Serendib for business-class passengers and Oneworld Emerald members. I checked out the more basic lounge first, which was small, drab, windowless and rather depressing. It also had poor food offerings although at 11 a.m. they were between meals, according to a sign.

The Serendib is more impressive. Its brighter, with runway views through large windows. The greeting at the door was welcoming and I was offered a 20-minute complimentary massage.

There are plenty of seating areas, and although the lounge was busy, it still had plenty of free chairs.

There are two showers in the mens bathroom and the facilities were clean.

The food was varied, with local, Asian and Western options. I tried some of the local offerings butter chicken, chili poppadoms and vegetable biryani. They were excellent.

I was called for the spa treatment Id booked and asked if I wanted a foot massage. I didnt ask about other options, but the lady sitting next to me was getting a back massage.

Im glad I took them up on the massage. The treatment was fantastic, using oils and reflexology techniques, and I even got a little pot of ayurvedic balm as a gift on my way out. The spa is actually a weird little box of a room with two chairs, but it really did the trick.

Overall the lounge was a great experience, even if it was a little rough around the edges. The quality of the food, the charming staff and the fun treatment carried the day.

It was a five-minute stroll down to Gate 12 where the A330-300 was waiting. Full security is carried out at each gate, and there wasnt much time to wait as I was one of the last to reach the waiting area. Boarding began around 30 minutes before the scheduled departure time of 12.50 p.m. A separate channel for business class led to door 1L first on the left and straight into the biz cabin.

SriLankan is among the airlines that give their airplanes names; the Airbus taking us to London was a four-year-old jet named City of Senkadagalapura, a UNESCO World Heritage Site also known as the Sacred City of Kandy

Cabin and Seat

TPG Rating

25/30

1-2-1

Configuration

21

Width

2

Lavs

Flight attendants, decked out in blue saris with a peacock-feather motif, welcomed me and pointed me to my seat.

The business cabin of SriLankans A330-300s is arranged in seven rows of four seats in a 1-2-1 reverse-herringbone configuration. The center pair of seats are angled into each other and are better for a couple, but you have to lean forward to see each other.

This is a much better business-class product than on SriLankans smaller A330-200s, which have three rows of seats in 2-2-2 configuration, meaning not everybody has direct aisle access.

On the A330-300s, seats are upholstered in a teal-colored leather with a grey/beige headrest, which I thought I would hate after researching the cabin ahead of the flight. However, the seat actually looks quite smart; the photos I had seen made it look cheaper than it did in real life.

Mine was 3K, a right-hand window seat.

There is ample leg room, with a seat pitch of 78 inches. The seat is comfortable with plenty of padding.

At shoulder level, there is a reading light, IFE control panel, USB and universal power outlet, plus a seat-control panel.

The tray table extends from the console at the side of the seat and swings out in a folded position. It can then be folded out to double in size. Its not huge, but comfortably fits a 15-inch Macbook.

The area above where the table folds away is the only significant flat surface, and there are two other small storage areas one underneath this console and one by the footwell for storing magazines. There is also an armrest that must remain stowed for taxi, takeoff and landing.

The seat extends into a fully flat position for sleeping. When you lie down, your feet tuck into the footwell underneath the seat in front. No mattress pad is provided.

There are two toilets at the front of the cabin for the sole use of business-class passengers. They are run-of-the-mill bathrooms but with hand wash, hand cream and mouthwash.

Amenities and IFE

TPG Rating

10/15

15in

Screen

120

Movies

50

TV Shows

No

Live TV

Yes

Tailcam

A soft and good-quality pillow was on my seat when I arrived. Shortly after sitting down, the crew handed out a blanket, which was thin but very soft and felt high-quality.

They also handed out an Aigner-branded amenity kit containing toothbrush and toothpaste, lip balm, moisturizer, tissues, a hairbrush, hand sanitizer and earplugs.

A separate pack of SriLankan-branded socks and a good-quality eye mask were left at the seat.

Headphones were hanging on a small hook on the seat. They carried the SriLankan logo and seemed a bit beaten up but they worked OK, although they were not noise-cancelling, which has become a business-class benchmark.

Wi-Fi was available on board but it kept dropping out during the flight and cost a hefty $40 for full-flight coverage, with a usage cap of only 400MB. The performance of the Wi-Fi was so bad that every attempt I made to test the speed failed.

The IFE screen was a good size at 15.4 and operated by touchscreen or by the handheld control device. There were over 50 TV shows, 120 movies, audio shows, a moving map and front- and downward-facing live cameras.

Food and Beverage

TPG Rating

17/20

2

Meals

Piper-Heidsieck Cuve Brut

Champagne

Yes

Dine on Demand

Shortly after reaching my seat, I was offered pre-departure beverages (orange juice, water and Champagne) and hot towels.

Lunch orders were taken before departure and the lunch service began in earnest just 30 minutes into the flight.

I chose the Arabic mezze starter which included muhammara, tabouleh, dolmade and labneh. It was fresh and delicious, the perfect way to kick off the proceedings.

For the main course, the crew recommended the signature Sri Lankan-style chicken curry which was served with tempered beetroot, bitter gourd mallung, vegetable cutlet, and steamed basmati rice. It was exceptional, with delicious and subtle spices and good accompaniments, save for the bitter gourd mallung which was way too bitter for me (the warning was in the name). I washed this down with an Argentinian Sauvignon Blanc.

After clearing the main, the crew brought a cheese tray, which was still wrapped in cling film and a little sad, but the accompanying fruit plate had fat chunks of pineapple, papaya and watermelon and was juicy and perfect after the curry.

A trolley was then brought though the cabin with brandies and dessert wines, chocolate Sacher torte, and tea and coffee served out of beautiful silver jugs.

It didnt stop there the meal closed with a choice of sweet treats.

The menu stated that dine-on-demand was possible, although it looked like most everyone in the cabin took their food immediately because of the time of departure, but it was handy to know about the other option on a flight of almost 12 hours.

For the second meal, I chose the vegetable kottu roti, a spicy shredded roti dish with dal, which was tasty if heavy. The fresh fruit it came with was a good antidote to that heaviness.

Service

TPG Rating

8/15

No

Extra Pillows

No

Turndown Service

The service ended up being a letdown. It was efficient on the whole, despite regular bursts of turbulence during the flight, and the crew showed flashes of warmth and excellence which made the overall service level harder to swallow.

The crew seemed distant at times, yet somewhere over the Persian Gulf half the crew burst out of the galley, wielding a guitar, to sing (quite beautifully, including harmonies) five Christmas carols. It was five days before Christmas, after all.

The good vibes came and went, though. Sometimes the crew were happy and friendly, and at other times I felt like I was a huge inconvenience, mainly on the few occasions I was just asking for water top-ups. Watching interactions with other passengers, it felt like crew members were going through the motions with fake smiles.

When I asked around seven hours into the flight if I could have a snack (it had been five-odd hours since Id last eaten), a flight attendant barked that the next meal would be served in the next hour. This was at odds with the dine on demand stated in the menu, but all I was really after was a few nuts or something. I went back to my seat to wait for the meal, which came about 30 minutes later.

An hour before landing, I asked if there was anything sweet on board, maybe some chocolate. The response from the flight attendant was, No, I gave everything to the other passengers, and she turned to walk off. When I pushed and asked if there really was nothing at all, she rolled her eyes and said, Yes, I can get you a biscuit. Im not sure why it needed to be so difficult.

It was just so confusing to have such rudeness alongside what was often very good service, especially at mealtimes.

Overall Impression

SriLankan can often be overlooked because of its bigger Oneworld partners with far larger route networks, but its relatively new and modern A330-300s have a competitive business-class product with some real warmth and charm. Just be sure to choose the 300 model over the smaller A330-200 with the older business class.

It is the service that was inconsistent here, but had that been better, I would have felt very positively about the experience.

I cant imagine Colombo is the most efficient place to transit though, so I would probably choose the big hubs of the Middle East to make connections unless the timing of flights really worked out. But as a way to get to and from Sri Lanka, I would be willing to give SriLankan another go and pray for a happier experience in what is otherwise a good seat with great food.

All photos by the author.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/a-service-roller-coaster-review-of-srilankan-airlines-business-class-on-the-a330-300

[mugiwara--ya]

also like. fuck dermatillomania, seriously.

this was supposed to be a short post but fuck it lol this is HUGE 

when i had my first really bad breakout at like, 18 (from fucking contraceptivesl!!!!!! like before i did have a couple uh..idk if i would call em breakouts, but like you know, just regular teen acne, and my gyn was like “you have a bit of acne so these pills are gonna help ya!!” FUCK YOU I BARELY HAD ANYTHING) i remember waking up one day, rubbing my eyes, then touching my forehead. and i felt a TON of tiny bumps. i was like, the fuck? and i wiped my forehead with my bed sheets because i thought i had dirt or somethig on my face. and i touched again and they were still there. i immediately got up and looked at my big mirror, and i swear it was like half an hour straight of just looking at my forehead, with dozens of closed comedones, and it was.. it was terrible. people used to tell me how pretty my skin was, that my face was so soft and perfect, and asking me which products i used (i did have a skincare routine because i couldnt risk fucking up my face, i’ve always picked at every single imperfection so i had to make sure i had none to begin with)

so yeah i fucking panicked. my skin was my confidence. i barely used bb cream for dark circles or when i wanted to look extra nice, and that would be it. my appearance was (is) everything to me. 

and thats when derma fucked up my life (now that i think about it i DID almost die of an infected wound that i picked at when i was a toddler but ANYWAYS). im pretty sure that if i had just taken care of it as a normal fucking person, it would have just gone away, healed, the end. i even stopped taking those pills. but i picked at it. i picked and scratched and squeezed and put needles on those hideous fucking things because i just needed to get them out. i would spend HOURS every day picking at my skin. and it only made it worse. not only those didnt go away for a few months, not only did i cause terrible scarring, but i pretty much spread all that nasty shit all over my face. and yeah, my acne itself was never TERRIBLE, at the beginning most people couldnt even tell and with just a bit of makeup i was ready to go! but i just..kept picking at it. because i was terrified. i made scar after scar. painful acne would grow under those scars. and i would pick at it even if the previous one wasnt done healing. my mom would look at me and tell me how hideous i looked. “put on some makeup i dont want to go out with you looking like that”. i would go into work and they would tell me “the fuck did you do to your face now?!” 

it wasnt acne itself. it was all the scarring i made. you can cover up acne with foundation. but scabs? open wounds? it looks like shit. and i put on makeup anyways, and i literally wasnt able to go out without it, but i always knew everyone could see my scabs. patchy, ugly, painful looking scabs. i was ashamed of it. my confidence was gone. i felt uglier every day. i knew it was all my own fault. everyone kept telling me “just stop picking at it”.

but i got so desperate. so anxious. i used to have anxiety attacks when i tried to lie down and not pick at my face. i tried picking at ingrown hairs on my legs to distract me and it worked for a while, but as soon as i saw my reflection i was gone, like i couldnt control myself, i dissociated completely and when i was back on my body i looked at my face and just cried. i cried and cried because i fucking did it again. 

this lasted for about three-four years i think, and it got even worse when my actual acne got Very Bad between last year and this year, especially because i had run out of all the skincare products that actually worked and didnt have money for new ones so i tried to settle down for local products (that didnt work), i was stressed the fuck out because i had secretly dropped out of university, my hormones were crazy (endometriosis ayyy), and idk it was Bad. but then again. my acne was never REALLY terrible, like yeah it was worse, but never like cystic acne or like full face of it (i had on my forehead, nose, inner sides of my cheeks, around my mouth and chin, like mostly the center of my face) and i never had that many violent painful pimples at the same time (mostly because i would pick em out as soon as i could) but THE SCABS. My skin also got really oily and my pores were fucking huge, and even if thankfully my skin is pretty good at healing itself (i dont have deep scars, its mostly hyperpigmentation with little to no texture after it has fully healed) no matter how fast my scabs healed (a couple weeks usually) i always made myself new ones, like !! why !! 

now, a few months ago, i started taking contraception again. another brand, because i couldnt stand period pains anymore. and this time..it actually helped! my skin got a bit less oily, i started getting less pimples, and a bit after that, i finally bought new (korean) skincare. the only non-prescription skincare that has ever worked for me lol. etude house i owe you my life. i also stopped smoking cigs, and i’ve really been trying to eat healthier. trying. shut up

and i finally started getting better, slowly!! and i dont know, just having a routine helped a lot in regaining my confidence, taking care of my skin helped my anxiety, and i kept thinking “i spent a SHIT TON OF MONEY on these things, i’m not gonna ruin it by picking”. and yeah i still did it/do it every now and then, but WAY LESS than i used to, and now i strategically pick at stuff that can be easily covered up by hair, i never put my hands directly on my face (i wrap my fingers in cloth or something), and always clean my face afterwards, im a Conscious Picker™ now

and last week i finally decided to go see a dermatologist! (ABOUT TIME!!) and yeah she told me most of my skin problems are due to excoriating, and my actual acne can be treated easily, and gave me a bunch of prescription products to help get rid of it and control my oily ass face. and bitch!!!! just five days in and MY SKIN ALREADY LOOKS SO SO SO MUCH BETTER! (LIKE IGNORING THE FACT THAT I HAVE TWO HUGE SCABS NEAR MY MOUTH AND TWO MORE ON MY FOREHEAD AND A LOT OF HYPERPIGMENTATION)

and im just. i look at the mirror and i wanna cry. i wanna cry because im getting better. im scared of ruining it, but im just so motivated. this time im not letting my anxiety get in the middle of what i want. im insecure, i still struggle to believe im beautiful with or without acne or scars, but im worth the try, i deserve to take care of myself and do things that make me happy, and if im vain ! whatever! feeling my skin soft makes me happy! looking at the mirror and loving how i look makes me happy! keeping a routine, washing my face, putting on creams till i look like a glazed donut, it makes me happy!  going out without makeup and not caring makes me happy! putting on makeup and not caring if some scabs or hyperpigmentation still shows because i know its all getting better, it makes me happy! 

i am stronger than i thought and i am stronger than the anxiety derma gives me. i just needed to work out a way to go around it lol. also im tired as fuck and ive been writing about this for like two hours. no one is gonna read this but whatever lol i love myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BITCH I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GLOWING!!!

[coin-river-blog]

U.S. House Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other New York politicians just chased off 25,000 Amazon jobs that could have created salaries of at least $115,000 jobs each. Unfazed and stunningly arrogant, these politicians are taking a victory lap following their dubious success.

AOC’s Cringeworthy Response To Amazon Decision

CCN reported earlier today that Amazon had scrapped the spacious campus it had planned to build in Long Island City, Queens, which would have created roughly 25,000 well-paying jobs. The residual job creation was estimated to be an additional 67,000 jobs.

The cheers that followed Amazon’s decision to pull out of New York are misguided and troublesome. Too many politicians seem tone-deaf to traditional ideals, like job creation, in their relentless effort to denigrate anything related to big money.

Following Amazon’s announcement, some of the loudest cheers came from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. The freshman member of the U.S. House of Representatives had previously described the e-commerce giant’s HQ2 plans as “creeping overreach.”

Thursday, she proclaimed victory and showed once again she doesn’t see the destruction her misguided ideas can cause.

She tweeted:

Anything is possible: today was the day a group of dedicated, everyday New Yorkers & their neighbors defeated Amazon’s corporate greed, its worker exploitation, and the power of the richest man in the world. https://t.co/nyvm5vtH9k

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) February 14, 2019

If that wasn’t enough, she followed up with comments that indicate it’s about her, not her constituents.

A reporter caught up with Ocasio-Cortez Tuesday, and she seemed oblivious to the fact that her district is out thousands of jobs and billions of dollars. Even more aggravating is her suggestion that she possesses a concrete, viable plan that would be better than Amazon’s firm plans.

She stammered to the reporter:

“We were subsidizing those jobs so for… the city was paying for those jobs. So frankly, if we were willing to give Amazon three…if we were willing to give away $3 billion for this deal, we could invest those $3 billion in our district ourselves if we wanted to.”

Amazon Stops Just Short of Calling Out Ocasio-Cortez by Name

Amazon will no longer build a 25,000-employee corporate campus in Queens. | Source: Shutterstock

In explaining why it couldn’t move forward with building in New York, Amazon strikingly said it was due to the politicians.

In its statement about the cancellation, Amazon said:

“While polls show that 70% of New Yorkers support our plans and investment, a number of state and local politicians have made it clear that they oppose our presence and will not work with us to build the type of relationships that are required to go forward with the project we and many others envisioned in Long Island City.”

On the opposite end of the spectrum, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio attacked Amazon for abandoning its HQ2 plans.

He said:

“You have to be tough to make it in New York. We gave Amazon the opportunity to be a good neighbor and do business in the greatest city in the world. Instead of working with the community, Amazon threw away that opportunity.”

Maybe Ocasio-Cortez Should Retake Basic Math

Once again, Ocasio-Cortez falls a little short in basic math here. Even CNBC’s Andrew Ross Sorkin took her to task. He pointed out that this would have been a subsidy only if the state got nothing back for giving it.

Sorkin expressed his disagreement in terms of the huge missed opportunity.

“It’s one thing to win the war on Twitter, it’s another when it happens in real life, and it happens to real people with real jobs and real families. I don’t get that upset about a lot of things. “[This] wins a great Twitter war. It looks great on Twitter, but in real life, it’s a very different story.”

New York to Miss out on $27 Billion from Amazon HQ2

The politicians seem to be missing some good old-fashioned economics logic. Sorkin broke it down like this. The $3 billion in subsidies will provide a massive return on investment in the form of economic spending and growth.

“[The state] would have effectively been paying out $3 billion in incentives for what would have likely been the equivalent of $27 billion over 25 years. You can play with the math, and you can tell me that there were going to be additional costs, and there likely would have been, but if I handed you $3 billion and you gave me $25 billion back, or you gave me $15 billion back, or $10 billion back, that could have been used for roads, schools, police, and subways, I think that’s a good deal.”

That slight from the De Blasio was even more unsettling because the mayor had ostensibly negotiated the deal in good faith.

“Then it seems he hit them on the way out the door today.”

These reactions are silly, childish and not productive. Beyond the loss of Amazon and its associated $27 billion in economic growth, they signal to other major companies that perhaps states like progressive-leaning New York aren’t as friendly to businesses as officials seem to hoodwink people into believing.

Lots Of Cheering Now Turning Into Lots of Crying For Others

As the politicians bask in the glory of running off a major corporation that could have provided jobs for their constituents, they seem to be ignoring others who will be negatively affected.

A lot of moves had started to be made after Amazon announced plans that it would build in Long Island City. For example, over the course of the 14 weeks since the announcement, contracts to buy homes, mostly condos, jumped a mind-boggling 181% compared to the same period a year ago, according to CNBC. Now you have to wonder if those people who signed those contracts will try to pull out.

Other Finalists Put Up ‘We Still Want You’ Signs

Long Island City won out over 19 other cities that Amazon chose as finalists that wanted the company to build their headquarters in their locales.

Arlington, Virginia’s local government reassured residents that Amazon still planned to proceed with its new HQ2 campus in Crystal City.

They tweeted:

Statement from Arlington County Board Chair Christian Dorsey on Amazon: "After speaking with an Amazon representative earlier today, we have confirmed that we are moving forward as planned with Amazon’s upcoming headquarters in Arlington – nothing has changed." (1/3)

— ArlingtonVA (@ArlingtonVA) February 14, 2019

Summing up the fallout for New York City, Council Minority Whip Joe Borelli said it nearly perfectly, in an interview with Fox Business:

“Amazon was facing local politicians who weren’t going to negotiate in good faith for the real challenges that would befall anybody developing a large area of the city.”

Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article are solely those of the author and do not represent those of, nor should they be attributed to, CCN.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Image from Win McNamee / Getty Images / AFP

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[halipawz]

I have been thinking about Pink Champagne cupcakes For a while now.  I remembered last year that a local grocery store (I think Hy-Vee or Cosentino’s Price Chopper) had them but told me they were seasonal and this was last January if memory serves me.      Why the month stuck in my head was because I would have thought they would be seasonal for February because of Valentine’s Day not in January    I recently went to the grocery store I thought had them last year but I didn’t find them.  The bakery department was closed so I could not ask anyone at the time. I had planned on going back a different day.  Fast forward to today when I was thinking about them so I googled pink champagne cupcakes in Kansas City.  It was in this search I came across 3 Women and an Oven bakery   After looking at the website for a few minutes I went through their Instagram photos and thought everything on there looked amazing.  The detailing on their cakes and cookies was beautiful. I was excited to try them.  Even though their location really isn’t on my way home or even close to anywhere I go I thought it would be worth the trip to try to make it before they close at 6 PM.   Their cupcakes are $3.75 and their babycakes ( mini bundt cakes) are $2.25. The products were nicely displayed and sparkled in the light.   As I was checking out, I saw where they sold the “fairy dust” to make your own cakes sparkle.

Pink Champagne cupcake from 3 Women and an Oven

I Purchased a small assortment of cupcakes and the baby cakes. I was excited to try them so decided to try one of the mini cakes as I drove home.  The first thing I noticed was the frosting was a little hard. I took a bite and could not believe how dry it was and the cake was cold.  I took another bite and yes, it was very dry. It was lemon raspberry so I was thinking perhaps the fruit affected the cake but you would think it would make it moister, not dryer.  I decided to try the red velvet mini cake.  It was also dry. It had a nice flavor to it, but was so dry it wasn’t enjoyable.

I decided to wait until I arrived at home to try any more.  I wanted them to warm up a little to see if it made a difference.

I opened the box when I arrived home and was disappointed to see the lemon candy had fallen off the Lemon Drop Cupcake.  The frosting was so hard I could only sit it back on to take a picture, I couldn’t place it back into the frosting. Now, I do want to point out, as someone who likes frosting, there is a nice amount of frosting on their cupcakes. It would be nice to see if it is soft when they are freshly made.

I decided to try small bites of the remaining cakes because I was afraid if I waited until the next day,  they would be too dry to even eat.

The mini carrot cake was next.  It was moister and had warmed up, but I have to say the flavor was lacking slightly in my opinion.  So far, my excitement over these cupcakes was dwindling and I hadn’t even tried the main reason for my purchase; the Pink Champagne cupcake!

Mini Almond Bundt Cake sparkling in the light

The almond cake was next. It was so cute.  The small almond sliver on top. The cake sparkled in the light.  The cake was moist, the frosting was dry, but the flavor was amazing! So far this was my favorite! I have to admit, even though I had more to try, I ended up eating the whole mini cake!

I decided to take a little break to avoid a huge sugar rush but knew I’d come back to them before the night was over.

After a small break, I decided I needed to try a cupcake.  I had been focused on the mini cakes because they were easier to try small bites of.  I cut a small piece of the lemon drop cupcake out, making sure to get frosting and cake.  It was very lemony   The cake was heavy and dense   The frosting was stiff and a little dry except around the cake   There it was softer and easier to eat. I placed the remaining cupcake in an airtight container to finish tomorrow at lunch.  One thing I would say, and this is just my opinion, but if there had been a little bit of lemon filling in the cake, I think I would have liked it a little more.

Next, I tried the mini pink champagne cake. I bought a regular cupcake and a mini one with the hope of taking the mini one to work the next day to eat at lunch. It was the only flavor I duplicated.  I took a small bite and was sadly disappointed.  The cake had a burnt flavor to it! While it didn’t appear to be burnt, it still tasted burnt.  I could not taste any of the pink champagne taste I remembered from the grocery store ones I fell in love with the year before.  Had I had this one first, I know I would not have driven 30 minutes out of my way to get more.  Oddly enough, it also left a weird after taste.  While I’m typing this I can still taste it and not in a pleasant way.

Now the time had come for me to try the Pink Champagne cupcake.  I had taken another break.  My palette was clean.  I have to be honest, I wasn’t as excited as I was earlier in the evening, especially after having the mini one but I thought, perhaps it’s a different batch than the mini one. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.

I do have to give them credit, the appearance of the cupcakes are beautiful.  The frosting looks delicious, the cakes sparkle.

I did not cut a small piece on this one.  I decided to take a bite the way a cupcake was meant to be consumed.  I took a bite, making sure to get frosting and cake. The frosting was moister than some of the other cakes.  From the size of the cupcake, it was difficult to get a bite from top to bottom, so the cupcake was a good size. The flavor was disappointing.  It had that same burnt flavor but I could taste some of the “champagne” flavor in the cupcake, which I could not taste in the mini cake.  I couldn’t tell if it was a burnt flavor or if the champagne flavoring was just off or maybe even old tasting.  I wish I could explain it, but it tasted old or burnt.  I did decide to wrap this one up in an airtight container as well and if I get a different taste tomorrow, I will definitely share.

Overall, 5 flavors and only 1 would I want to purchase again. The almond cake.  Perhaps if I was eating a fresh one I might have a different take on a couple of them, but flavor is flavor and some of them were lacking in that area.

I love cupcakes but don’t see myself making the trip to south Overland Park to purchase cupcakes from them again.  I have found other places around Kansas City who can do an almond cake just as good.  My quest to find an amazing Pink Champagne cupcake continues!

What are your favorite go to cupcake places?  Doesn’t have to be just in Kansas City, I’d like to hear your favorite place in your city!

  3 Women and an Oven – Bakery review – HaliPawz I have been thinking about Pink Champagne cupcakes For a while now.  I remembered last year that a local grocery store (I think Hy-Vee or Cosentino's Price Chopper) had them but told me they were seasonal and this was last January if memory serves me.     

[seriesof-serendipity]

another time left behind

i was craving some sort of adventure today after a week of slim to nothing. i had the morning mapped out in my head and was 3coffees deep when we took off.

granted, i am a broke bitch. so the adventure wasnt anything grand or fancy. those arent even the best kinds anyway.

we went to the “crack shack” which is essentially an empty lot that used to have an abandoned building on it. the building got demolished and the skate rats of mtown decided to turn the rubble into a mini skate park. they did a pretty good job too.

the frame of the once standing building is still in place, just coated in rubble and debris. we trecked through the snow and cement litter to make it inside where we light up a fatty. completely illegal, but thats besides the point.

naturally, graffiti coated the frame. its got to be my favorite form of art these days. the act in itself is a symbol of uncensored rebellion. right there, you got my respect. i also just love the way most graffiti looks. its quick, free strokes holding undertones of nicknames and inside jokes, or representations of a new world order that we all seem to dream but never put in work.

the rain put a stop to that adventure and also to my productivity. i ended up back in bed for two hours aimlessly scrolling through pointless instagram videos. god, i hate when that happens. luckily, i didnt let myself stay stuck in that worm hole of social media. adventure #2 began forming.

my next expedition was to “flavor town.” trust me when i tell you, the name gives it too much credit. Flavor town was an abandoned barn that a couple of my friends use as a smoke spot. the barn was huge but filthy. also covered in graffiti but not as well put together as the crack shack.

its not a very common thing to do for me to visit abandoned places, one after another. i found it rather funny that this happen to be my theme for the day. a thought thats constantly scratching my throat at these places is the lives that carried on here before we.

i picture 10 years ago, probably still abandoned. angsty early 2000’s teens spraypainting their own slurs and tags. shotgunning beers and passing a spliff, just like us.

i picture 30 years ago, not abandoned yet, but on the brink. the owner is stressed, barely keeping life together. their kids are oblivious, and thats a good thing. lights a spliff for the lack of a lightbulb.

50 years ago, business is boomin. livin the good life, grateful dead blairing on the local radio station. sun is beatin down and merrimack is young and pretty. still lighting that spliff since the days wont be moving any faster.

i often wonder what i miss out on living now rather than then. sometimes i think the culture would bring me to naive behaviors. or perhaps it would be gasoline to my flames of anarchist hopes. either way, id still be smokin my spliff right with them.