#it’s EXHAUSTING i love food i love eating but

[jesswritesthat]

Bakugou Katsuki: Model Student

Fandom: BNHA // MHA — [ Masterlist ]

Summary: 2k+, fluff

• When you’re sent to assist designer Bakugou Mitsuki, you get more than you bargain with both food and explosives.

Warnings: Mature language, slight spoilers, Class 3A

>>>>——————————>

When Bakugou Mitsuki 'politely demanded' that you accept a long term job on behalf of her fashion company you couldn't exactly refuse -not that she'd let you- but like your other modelling contracts, it wouldn't disrupt your hero studies aside from spending your free time at her home. The only unexpected factor, was her infamous son.

"WHO THE HELL IS THIS?"

You practically jumped out of your skin, the measure wrapped around your waist was left unattended as Mitsuki slapped the demanding newcomer upside the head.

"Manners Katsuki! This is (L/n) (Y/n), they're the model for my latest assignment."

"Nice to meet you." You gave an awkward wave, attempting to keep the tape in place as you did so but he did not seem impressed, only scoffing and walking away (regardless of the infuriated scowl his mother painfully engraved into his retreating figure).

"I apologise on his behalf, being apart of U.A's latest Big Three went to his head a bit but he's grown a lot since his first year with everything that happened. Still a moody 18 year old though." The woman forcibly laughed whilst resuming her work. Presumably he was home for the break like you, but worked at an agency to fill the time. If nothing else, this job assignment would be flammable.

—

Despite seeing him on a few visits, tonight’s encounter was the second time you’d actually spoken. Finally you got to rest, you'd tried to help as much as you could once Mitsuki got what she needed from you and she'd urged you to take a break in the lounge to prevent you from helpfully intervening and exhausting yourself.

Luckily, Bakugou was unintentionally keeping you company with reluctant conversation whilst he was cooking his dinner, you meanwhile took residence at the table scrolling through your phone.

"Have you eaten?" His lack of curses made you look up with a skeptical expression but you answered with a shrug, planning to eat once you got home.

"Not yet."

"Just because you're a shitty model, you gotta fucking eat as you don't need to—" Bakugou bit back with the stereotype, similar to that of either scolding or concern - you were uncertain.

"I do eat, I promise."

"Prove it then dumbass."

"Wha-how?" He smirked as he handed you a bowl of curry mid question, the one he'd been carefully concocting as you made idle chatter with him for the past 30 minutes. Almost like he'd planned it. Surely not.

"You didn't have to give me any, but thank you Bakugou. I’ll help clean up.”

"Tch, I made too much and I'm not wasting good food." Katsuki's tone held somewhat defensive aggression but he joined you at the table regardless, listing off ingredients and exchanging food preferences with you.

———

Over the various visits to the lovely Bakugou household, especially if your work with Mitsuki was scheduled when Katsuki was home, you’d usually have a meal prepared for you.

Admittedly you’d grown accustomed to the environment and to him, discussing hero work and exams with Katsuki over food and then helping wash up afterwards.

You’d grown more confident around him having had time to understand his personality, although the second you’d blew soapy bubbles at him you immediately regretted your decision.

You were met with a glowering crimson, floaty suds lingering on his nose, the scar on his cheek, and the front tips of his hair. Then there was the snarl and cocky smirk.

“You wanna go (L/n)? DIE!” It was accompanied by a spark of explosion angled toward the water - in such a trajectory that bubbles coated you like a snowball to the face causing you to huff in frustration to blow a couple off.

Bakugou howled manically at his retaliation, covering his mouth and pointing at you whilst you wiped the suds from your eyes.

“Ugh, take this murder god!” You flicked the remnants left on your hand at him which did nothing in all honesty. Instead a towel was thrown over your face courtesy of the blonde, which you irritably utilised. A string of curses was muttered beneath the material before you’d pulled it off, having believed you got rid of all the substance.

“Dumbass, can’t even beat bubbles.” Bakugou snorted, his gaze not having left you the entire time. “C’mere.”

You hadn’t the chance to refute, stunned by the fingers sliding across your jaw when he’d stepped forward and tilted your head with a hint of roughness that was inexplicably him. His other hand took the towel from your own and began carefully wiping your eyebrow and lower lip with a degree of scrutiny. Then he checked you for further discrepancies with more attention that you felt was required, and in order to hide your imminent flustering you delicately ran your finger across his scar to remove the last bubble there.

“You had something…”

An act that left him meeting your eyes with his own disarming ones, it felt intimate in a way like sparks were flickering alight despite no longer being connected by touch.

Just then Mitsuki burst into the main area, tape measure wrapped around her wrist and a determined gleam in her eye.

“Have you two finished dinner yet?” That’s when she took in the sight before her, you two in close proximity when directing your attention toward her but making no intention to distance yourselves. “…Because take your time, I don’t need (L/n) yet.”

Then she disappeared again, leaving you both alone in the disturbed silence. You took a step back from him wearing a polite smile and gestured toward his mother’s workspace.

“I should probably get back.”

“Hm, thanks for the help shitty model.”

Upon entering, you didn’t expect to be scolded for returning earlier than Mitsuki expected.

“What are you doing?! Get back out there, I didn’t mean to ruin— crap, I mean I’ve never seen Katsuki act— ugh it’s hopeless.”

“I’m here to work, and as amazing as your sons’ cooking is, I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality.” You bowed as accompaniment, but the woman only sighed in defeat.

“Right, of course you’re only focused on the work. Just like Katsuki, how perfectly fitting…”

“Huh?”

“I said let’s finish this fitting!” She clapped her hands with a renewed determination, fabric at the ready.

———

A photoshoot showcasing the reinvented designs was your reason for a quick visit today, arriving at the Bakugou household to meet with the woman herself so you could travel there together.

Naturally, you weren’t expecting her analytic gaze to scan over your outfit with more criticality than usual, which is when you’d heard her contemplate aloud.

"I need to make some adjustments..."

"What?! The photoshoot is in 2 hours and this is all I have!" You gestured to the outfit she'd deemed perfect only yesterday, believing you'd only be heading straight to the shoot and home, you didn't see the need for a spare set of clothes.

Mitsuki shook her head, throwing a discarded hoodie in your direction before shooing you into the bathroom. Upon returning, tugging the hoodie down to cover as much as possible despite the size differences, you handed over your clothes and awaited her return at the kitchen counter with a tea warming your hands.

"Oi old hag, have you seen - what the fuck do you think you're doing in my hoodie (Y/n)?!" Immediately, the sheer ferocity in the familiar tone had you internally screaming and spinning 180 to face him.

"Katsuki! It's not - Mitsuki took my outfit for adjustments and gave me this, I didn't know it was yours!" You corrected yourself knowing he didn't tolerate excuses and skipped straight to the point, though it didn't nullify the death glare he sported.

"Whatever, you don't look like shit in it so just tell me how long she's gonna take because I need it." You missed the flush on his features after he properly looked at you, scanning over your legs which were overly exposed thanks to his item before turning away with a frustrated sigh.

"Yo Bakubro, what's taking so long - ohhh wow." Immediately the interruption had snapped Katsukis attention so fast you expected him to have whiplash.

The guy in question stood rather awestruck, hand running through his spiked crimson hair with an equally bright blush to match as his gaze landed on you.

"Not a fucking word shitty hair!" Bakugou practically threatened, skidding between the two of you with his hand moving to your side to keep you behind him.

"Dude, the others are waiting outside so we're good. I'm Kirishima Eijiro, a friend of Bakugou." Apparently a regular visitor to the house, he offered his hand whilst you sidestepped past Katsuki to meet him.

"Pleasure, I'm (L/n) (Y/n) and I'm here for an assignment with Mitsuki."

"Ah you're the not-so-annoying one he keeps talking about."

"You talk ab—" You never got to ask when Mitsuki hailed your attention.

"Done!"

The next moments happened in a blur, clothes were thrusted into your chest then an echo of voices called for 'Kacchan' who seemed panicked by their entry and shoved you into the bathroom telling you to 'hurry the fuck up'. Quickly you changed, tossing him the hoodie the second you'd cracked open the door, then came the slam from where he'd left with Kirishima after ushering the others out. All you could do was slump against the bathroom door with a sigh of exhausted relief.

———

The final session working with Bakugou Mitsuki, you’d expected it but that didn’t mean you were glad about it. You enjoyed the experience more than most jobs and you could probably chalk part of that down to Katsuki, not that you’d breathe a word of it.

Mitsuki seemed slightly despondent however, always flicking to the front door with a sense of hopefulness but soon morphing to disappointment when it didn’t open.

“What’s wrong Mitsuki-san?“

"Sorry (Y/n), Katsuki was pretty adamant about seeing you before you left so your last task wasn't really necessary but that brat must be too busy." She’d explained with a haphazard shrug, you weren’t even mad that she’d kept longer for no apparent reason due to your surprise that her son had personally wanted to what? Say goodbye? Or rather good riddance.

"Oh - no that's fine, thanks Mitsuki it was really great working with you the past month, and I hope we can do it again sometime. Please send my regards to him."

The sheer amount of wind caught you off guard as you walked through the near deserted neighbourhood toward the station after your final farewells, a faint sound of blasting echoing with a familiar figure abruptly skidding into your path. He still donned his hero gear so you assumed he shot over the moment he was released from his internship, the man now standing proud with his arms folded expectantly.

"What that's it? You're done?"

"Yeah, I have to get back to my internship too. Why?"

You couldn't fathom why Katsuki seemed so disturbed by this, his expression wasn't as aggressive and there was a distinct flash of disappointment in his eyes that he was quick to morph to ferocity.

"I don't have to cook extra anymore."

"I thought that was accidental?" You quipped back, knowing you were already on thin ice.

"Just didn't want you feeling guilty dumbass."

"My hero..."

"Shut up shitty model! You're your own hero, and I'll beat your ass in the ranking once we graduate." He’d growled, leaning closer to you and desperately trying to keep his voice down.

"Such a sweet talker Katsuki, too bad it'll never happen~"

"LIKE HELL YOU'LL—argh?!" The playful punch to his chest quietened him, your confidence and gratitude shining through as you held your fist in place whilst speaking.

"I'm glad I got to know you, I can't wait to work with you in the future."

"You're at the top of my list too - so long as you don't get in my fucking way." A gloved hand took your fist and intertwined his hand with yours like in an arm wrestle, giving it a challenging squeeze.

"Please, you'll be in my way."

The two of nodded in agreement, touch slipping from each other with the last brush of your fingertips feeling like a spark.

Then you were gone, and the fire burned brighter than ever.

———

This was the U.A. dormitories, the sign read 'Class 3A' so you knew you were in the right place but that didn't calm your jittering nerves at all. Yes you'd kept in contact and it was guaranteed that he was going to scold you for showing up unannounced but it remained unknown whether it'd be a serious one or a usual temper flare.

Amping up your false confidence, you walked in albeit hesitantly and your unfamiliar presence was immediately noticed.

"Good evening, oh and welcome - um can I help you find someone?"

"That'd be great, I—" The kindness radiating off of the green haired hero was relieving, but a sudden burst of sparks slid before you rather eagerly which stifled your reply.

"I can do it, anything you need I'm your guy! Kaminari Denki by the way beautiful."

"Kaminari! Don't leave me behind like that - ohmygod you were right, it's the hot model from the magazines. They're so attractive and a hero, what I wouldn't do—"

"Mineta! Stop being - AAHHHH it's (L/n) (Y/n)!" The pinkette squealed wholeheartedly once chastising her classmate.

A clutter originated from the kitchen the moment your name was mentioned, the others hardly concerned with the noise but rather far more interested in you.

"Sorry to show up uninvited like this, but thank you all for welcoming me." Gratefully you bowed to the group, many fussing prior to a harsh interruption causing them to part.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Heeyyy Katsuki..." Your tone seemed more awkward, he noticed the way you went to step toward him but second guessed your situation and took a step backwards instead.

“They know each other?”

“No way, they couldn’t be acquainted.”

Even with the muttering of his classmates, you gave a charming smirk and Bakugou heaved a defeated sigh but made an unexpected proposition anyway.

"I'm starting dinner for these shitty extras, so you should stay (Y/n)."

"Don't I need permission?"

"You think we're gonna argue with Bakugou? He never wants people over - let alone asks them to stay! None of us are missing this." An ecstatic blonde eagerly answered with thumbs up.

"Shut it Pikachu!" Katsuki stalked off in the direction of the kitchen gesturing for you to follow once Mina had taken your jacket. You thanked the pretty pinkette, following his lead when you heard the class collectively panic for you.

"This was the scent on Bakugous' hoodie remember? The one we couldn't pinpoint." Mina whispered to Kaminari, the two concocting rather scandalous explanations but ultimately decided their explosive friend wouldn't have the charm to date a model.

"Noooo, not in there whilst he's cooking. He'll kill you." Sero gingerly tapped your shoulder to halt your journey and you only smiled at him oh so innocently - clearly you did not know the wrath of Katsuki Bakugou.

"I'll be fine, I'll help prepare dinner as a thanks for having me here." The response only earned silent prayers, Mineta literally on his knees praying whilst Izuku released a barely audible squeak.

Inconspicuously, the class subtlety watched as you strolled in, purely intrigued by your unbreakable will to die - yet their discoveries were earth shattering.

"Hey, can I help?" A touch to his shoulder.

"Tch, my cooking not good enough for you anymore shitty model?" An elbow to your side.

"Your food is the best I've ever tasted which is why I want to learn from the best dumbass." The playful teasing which seemed commonplace for the two of you whilst you chopped vegetables.

"I missed you, fucking disaster."

"Well I am rather delightful, it's no wonder~"

"I take it back, you're still annoying as hell." This time his usual uncaring demeanour returned, cold words in tow and it only softened your resolve.

Leaving the vegetables on the chopping board, you carefully leaned into his side with a nudge as a form of embrace rather than hug him.

"I sort of missed you too Katsuki, but sorry for intruding." It was quiet, but genuine, and he couldn't help but reciprocate with his cocky attitude melting away replaced with a content smirk.

"S'fine, glad you did." Katsuki pulled away slightly to face you properly and allowed himself to enjoy the moment, finding himself looking at you like he’d done when covered in soap. Only this time, there were no imperfections to find.

Maybe this time…

At this point, the redhead returned from his evening jog to find the majority of his class crouched down and discreetly peering into the kitchen area with Jirou using her earphone jack to relay the conversation. Kirishima knew Bakugou had decided to make dinner tonight and no one would be brave enough to step foot in there, so the whole ordeal was honestly baffling - that is until he casually walked up to the counter without a care for his furiously protesting classmates attempting to drag him down to their level.

"No way, (L/n)-chan is here?! How've you been, long time no see!" He cheerily called, nodding to Katsuki and yourself who instantly parted from each other and received agonising cries from his peers who were hoping for a token of affection.

"Damn it shitty hair!" Katsuki cussed, sporting a glare appropriate for the self entitled ‘murder god’ whilst you hopped over to the shark-tooth hero equipped with an excited greeting.

"Hi Kirishima! Great to see you again."

“Huh? Was I interrupting something?”

Yourself and Bakugou exchanged a neutral glance, ready to answer ‘No’ but didn’t get the opportunity when a booming unanimous reply of irritation came from the entirety of 3A.

“YES!!”

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[dystopicjumpsuit]

Watch and Learn, City Boy, Part 2: Autumn

A/N: This is a follow-up to Part 1, which I wrote last year. The muse struck on the autumnal equinox, and who am I to reject her overture? Yes, I switched tenses, and no, I’m not sorry. Enjoy! 

Pairing: Hound x Reader (Fem)

Rating: M (mature content intended for readers 18+; minors DNI) 

Wordcount: 2.8K

Warnings and tags: fluff; domesticity; language; little bit of SMUT; one (1) slap on the ass; tickling; pinning; allusions to bondage; Reader is a bit of a brat; Hound is a playful switch (I don’t make the rules); this isn't as kinky as it sounds; I made up pretty much everything about Alderaanian culture, holiday observances, and spirituality for this fic, so don’t take anything here as having a basis in canon.

Summary: Autumn has come to Alderaan, and you’re stuck on kriffin’ Coruscant. But Hound won’t let that stop you from celebrating.

Suggested Listening: 

This fic smells like: Hempz Apple Cinnamon Shortbread body lotion (autumn leaves; warm spices)

Part 1 | Masterlist | Sign up for my tag list

Grizzer launched herself off of your mattress with a ferocious snarl before you even heard the door chime. Hound startled awake with a muffled grunt, and you sat up, rubbing your eyes groggily and fumbling for your datapad to check the security holo.

“‘S goin’ on?” he mumbled.

“Groceries,” you rasped as you crawled out of bed and slipped into a robe. “I’ll take care of it. Go back to sleep.”

Grizzer was prancing triumphantly at the front door, and she greeted you with a loud, delighted snort to let you know that she had successfully repelled the invading force and secured the perimeter.

“Good girl,” you yawned. “So brave. Gonna tell Fox to give you a medal and a promotion.”

She plopped down resolutely in front of the door and refused to budge until you had administered what she deemed to be an appropriate number of scritches between the spines on her back. At length, she shuffled out of the way so you could open the door and dart out into the hallway just long enough to retrieve your grocery delivery, silently beseeching the Force not to let your well-meaning but nosy neighbors catch you in your bathrobe. Gods knew you and Hound already gave them plenty of fodder for gossip.

Once the groceries were safely inside, Grizzer had to complete an exhaustive sniff-spection of every single bag before she would allow you to put the food away, and then she gave you a meaningful look and lumbered over to the back door. You tapped the panel and shivered at the blast of cold air that rushed in as the door hissed open. 

Grizzer sauntered out to do her business on the comically tiny patch of fake grass you’d installed on your balcony once you realized she and Hound would be staying over as many nights as they could possibly sneak away from the barracks. By the time you’d finished stashing the perishables in the conservator, she was back inside and waiting for her breakfast.

You activated the cleaning droid to deal with her mess, dumped a scoop of massiff chow in her bowl, and finally returned to the bedroom. Hound’s eyes remained stubbornly closed, but he wordlessly pulled the blankets back as you climbed into bed and snuggled your ass into the nook of his body, extending his other arm for you to use as a pillow.

Stars, he’s so warm. This is the best part of my day.

You barely had time to settle in before Grizzer hopped up onto the bed, circled a few times, then flopped against you hard enough to knock the wind out of you.

“Ugh, careful with the spikes, Grizz. Don’t you have breakfast to eat?” you muttered.

Despite your grumbles, you couldn’t resist the pleading look she shot you, and you reached down to pat her lazily as she settled her chin onto your leg with a happy sigh. Kriffin’ massiff always wants to be the littlest spoon.  

You shifted, looking for a comfortable position while being smooshed between your two favorite beings, then tucked your feet closer to Hound, trying to get warm. He flinched as he felt your icy feet against his shins, but instead of pulling away, he rested his hand on your hip and drew you more firmly against his body, then slid up your torso to cup your breast. He nuzzled his face into your shoulder and pressed a kiss to your skin.

“Mornin’,” he rumbled. ”Happy equinox. I assume you've planned somethin’ festive for today?”

“Mm-hmm,” you mumbled, privately reflecting that he was using far too many words for this early on a Benduday morning. “‘S why I ordered groceries.”

He hummed his approval and began to kiss a path down your spine. “Does it involve tying me to a kitchen chair and licking a jar of honey off my skin?”

You laughed quietly and kissed the scar on his forearm that rested beneath your head. “Is that a specific fantasy you have, or are you just looking for an excuse to get me to tie you up and have my wicked way with you?”

“Two things can be true, angel.” He squeezed your breast gently, then trailed his fingertips down the centerline of your body, unerringly finding his way between your thighs. “Your feet are like kriffin’ icicles. You go on an expedition to Ilum for those groceries or somethin’?”

“Grizz was extra needy this morning,” you explained. “Mm, that feels nice. Don’t stop.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he murmured. His fingers slipped over your clit and into your pussy, and he shifted slightly to grind his cock against your ass. “Feel how hard you made me? Prancin’ around in that little thing you call a bathrobe. Probably gave the neighbors a coronary.”

“Nobody saw me,” you laughed, then gasped as he slid deeper. “At least I—fuck—I didn’t see anyone.”

“Grizz, off,” he ordered, to the massiff’s vocal disgust. Nevertheless, she complied, jumping off the bed with a huff of protest and wandering out of the bedroom in search of the breakfast she’d previously snubbed. “Guess we’ll find out if anyone saw you when they send a thank-you holocard. Damn, little one, you’re kriffin’ soaked. What were you dreamin’ about, dirty girl?”

It wasn’t a dream, it’s just you, you thought, but rather than inflate his already impressive ego, you wiggled your butt against his hips and replied in your most provocative tone. 

“Thorn.”

He laughed, then withdrew from between your thighs and gave you a firm little slap on the ass. You let out a shrill squeak and squirmed out of his arms just far enough to launch yourself off the mattress and tackle him, pinning him briefly and digging your fingers into his ribs to tickle him ruthlessly. 

Alas, your vengeance was short lived. After the briefest moment of being incapacitated by laughter, he managed to roll over on top of you, capturing your wrists and holding them against the pillow on either side of your head.

“Oh, you asked for it, darlin’,” he said with a wicked grin. 

The morning light caught in his eyes and illuminated them to honey gold. They danced with mischief, and you felt an odd flutter in your chest that you didn’t have enough time to examine before he pounced, and the only thing on your mind was holding on while your ARF trooper took you for the ride of your life.

When the pair of you finally stumbled out of bed, you mentally scratched off a few of the activities you’d planned, since you were running two hours behind schedule—a sacrifice you were more than willing to make, all things considered. There was still plenty of time to visit the Alderaanian shrine of the ancestors in the Federal District and make it home in time to cook dinner—a meal that you’d been planning with meticulous care for weeks, going to great lengths to source Alderaanian ingredients that were often difficult to find in the Core Worlds.

“You sure they’ll let me in?” Hound asked as he surveyed the entrance to the temple with obvious doubt in his eyes.

“They will,” you replied firmly. “They don’t turn anyone away. If you ever find yourself in trouble and need a place to lie low, they’ll give you sanctuary.”

“Even though I did absolutely depraved things to you an hour ago?” he murmured in your ear, sending tingles of awareness down your neck.

“... Maybe don’t mention that part.”

“You know, this whole sanctuary thing sounds a little illegal,” he joked.

“Who are you, the police?”

He snorted, then allowed you to lead him inside. The temple was crowded, and not a single person recognized Hound as a clone trooper, or if they did, nobody mentioned it. Hound was fascinated by the vibrant—not to say chaotic—energy inside. 

“The only temple I’ve ever been inside is the Jedi temple,” he said. “This one is really different.”

“I imagine so,” you laughed. “I’ve never been inside the Jedi Temple, but I’ve heard it’s really tranquil. This is… not that.”

He grinned in acknowledgment. “Do you come here every equinox?”

You shook your head. “I’m not really that observant most of the time. When I’m at home, we just have a family celebration. But here on Coruscant, it’s kind of nice to come to a place where I can meet other Alderaanians. For me, it’s really more about staying in touch with my culture, but a lot of people are very devout.”

When the pair of you finally made your way through the temple and to the shrine, he followed you inside and observed respectfully but with keen interest as you lit a stick of incense and left a small offering for the shrine guardian spirit. You were in and out in under a minute, and as the pair of you rejoined the thronging crowd headed toward the exit, Hound leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“That was quick.”

“No point in monopolizing it,” you replied under your breath. “Bad form when the temple is this busy.”

The temple wasn’t the only thing that was busy. Traffic was fully gridlocked, and the trip home took ages. By the time you arrived, you were both ravenous, which was deeply unfortunate, given that you’d planned a fairly elaborate dinner. Still, you were determined to make it work and salvage what was left of the equinox. 

Grizzer was beside herself when you walked through the door. She barreled into Hound with a delighted squeal, and he knelt down for their ritual greeting. She sat patiently until he was within reach and then, with a gentleness that was wholly improbable for a creature of her size, she touched her snout against his nose.

“I’m here, too, Grizz,” you teased, and if a massiff were capable of rolling its eyes, she would have. Nevertheless, she eagerly snuggled up to you, demanding her tribute of affection.

“Do I have time to take her for a quick  run before dinner?” Hound asked.

“I think so. It’ll be a refreshing change to cook without my reptile sous chef.”

“Don’t listen to her, Grizz,” Hound said, covering the massiff’s ear holes. “She’d be lost in the kitchen without you.”

“Oh, definitely,” you agreed solemnly. “What ever shall I do without constant supervision and the in-house quality assurance expert?”

Hound gave you a quick kiss and headed out, and you set to work, swallowing down a faint feeling of disappointment that so many of your plans had fallen through. Dinner would make up for it, though. Dinner would be perfect.. Within minutes, the entire flat began to fill with delicious smells. Everything was proceeding swimmingly. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

“Gods damn it!”

Your frustrated curse was the first thing Hound heard when he opened the door. Grizzer charged inside and skidded to a halt, prancing around the kitchen.

“Not now, sweetie,” you said, your tone softening a bit as you saw the massiff.

“Somethin’ wrong?” Hound asked.

“That karking shopper droid brought me decorative mini pumpkins instead of edible ones,” you groaned. “And to make matters worse, the pumpkin stems mutilated my Force-damned tomato.”

“Damn, looks like it got squashed,” he murmured.

“That is a terrible pun, and this is no laughing matter!”

“You’re right,” he said apologetically. “It’s an obvious case of assault with a deadly veggie.”

“Still not funny. Look at this carnage!”

You held up the mangled tomato, and he inspected it closely before gravely replying. “That’s a pretty gore-dy victim. Better shield Grizzer’s innocent eyes before she’s permanently scarred.”

You snorted, obstinately refusing to laugh. “I knew I should have just gone to the market myself.”

“Why don’t we go now?” he asked, giving up on his quest to distract you with the worst puns in the Core Worlds. “We can pick up some pumpkins that are actually edible, maybe have a little tour of the market district, get some fresh air?”

You glanced at the clock and sighed. “If we do that, we’ll be eating at midnight. I’ll figure something out.”

Grizzer whined at the sharpness in your tone, then curled up in the corner of your living room so she could keep an eye on you, sensing your frustration. You glared at the offending gourds for a moment, and would have bet every last credit of his nonexistent salary that you were contemplating hurling them into the abyss of the Coruscant underworld. Seeing how much the kriff-up had upset you, Hound ventured into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“What’s really bothering you, love?” he asked. “You’re always good at coming up with contingency plans. Is this really such a big problem that it’ll ruin your equinox?”

You sighed and leaned back against him, closing your eyes. “No. Not really. It’s just… My mom always makes this for the autumn equinox. I really wanted it to be perfect, you know?”

“You miss her.”

You nodded. “I do. I miss home, too. It’s weird to celebrate an Alderaanian equinox holiday on a planet that doesn’t even have seasons. And I really wanted this to be perfect so you could have the experience even though you weren’t able to get leave to travel back home with me, and we had to cancel almost all of our plans, and now dinner is ruined, too, and I’m just so fucking tired and hungry.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” He kissed the side of your head, then turned you around slowly so he could look into your eyes. His chest squeezed when he saw the beginnings of tears in your eyes, and he brushed his thumb across your cheek to wipe them away. “It is perfect, because I’m spendin’ it with you. No place I’d rather be in the galaxy.”

“Not even a musty old tent surrounded by wolf-cats?” you muttered rebelliously.

“As tempting as that sounds—and if I recall correctly, you were extremely tempting—no. But I’d eat rations and sleep in a musty old tent every night for the rest of my life if it meant I got to wake up next to you.” He didn’t say the words he desperately wanted to. It was too soon, and he didn’t want to scare you off. Instead, he pressed his lips to your forehead and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, holding you close. “Kriff the pumpkins. We’ll get takeout and go for a speeder bike ride in the entertainment district.”

You gasped. “Blasphemy! How dare you insinuate that I can’t salvage this disaster? Stand aside and watch the master at work.”

“That’s my girl,” he grinned. 

“Hmph,” you replied haughtily, unable to quite repress the smile at the corner of your lips.

You started toward the stove, but as you took your first step, Hound caught you by your apron ties and tugged you back into his arms for a devastating kiss. He was extremely thorough, and by the time he released you, you were dizzy and breathless, and he made damn sure you couldn’t remember that mini pumpkins even existed.

“That. Was. Incredible,” Hound said as he cleaned the last few morsels from his plate. 

“Not quite as aesthetically pleasing as Mom’s,” you hedged. 

“It was rustic,” he insisted. “Homestyle. Deconstructed.”

“You really need to stop watching cooking shows on the holonet.”

“How else will I learn all the terms to describe your food to make my brothers insane with jealousy? You think clone troopers have a reason to say ‘craveable’ on a daily basis?”

“Oh, yeah? You tell Thorn all about me?” you teased.

“Easy now, darlin’,” he replied with a lazy grin. “You’re gonna give me a complex.”

“Don’t worry, I could never leave Grizzer.”

He laughed. “Lucky thing for me.”

He leaned back in his chair and stretched, then stood up and began to clear away the dishes. You groped his ass shamelessly from your seat, then wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face against his abdomen.

“Thanks for celebrating with me,” you murmured, your voice muffled by his shirt. “I know I kind of lost the plot there.”

He set down the plates and wrapped his arms around you. “Not the first time I’ve seen you hangry; won’t be the last.”

You laughed into his belly, then tugged his shirt up so you could kiss his warm, smooth skin. “You know, there’s one equinox tradition that we haven’t observed yet.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“It involves a kitchen chair, a pair of your binders, and a jar of honey.”

“Dank farrik, I’m in love with you.” The words slipped out, and by the time Hound realized what he’d said, it was too late to call them back.

You drew back and stared up at him with an expression of shock. “What?”

“Uh…”

Kriff.

Taglist:

@secondaryrealm @sev-on-kamino @523rdrebel @wings-and-beskar @merkitty49

@sinfulsalutations @arcsimper5 @starrylothcat @clio3kantarella

@cloneloverrrrr @goblininawig @ladytano420 @arctrooper69 @sunshinesdaydream

@littlemissmanga @stunkbiggu @starqueensthings @marierg @idontgetanysleep

@moonlightwarriorqueen @dudewhynotthis @sleepycreativewriter @tcwmatchmakingau @littlemissbshine

@multi-fan-dom-madness @heavenseed76 @wizardofrozz @bobaprint @sweetcream-coldfoam

@skellymom @pickleprickle @trixie2023 @mythical-illustrator @dickarchivist

@cw80831 @flyiingsly @lightwise @swcowgal

@reader6898 @cdblake1565 @epicy0n @starstofillmydream @msmeredithrose

@totallyunidentified @eclec-tech @euphoriacafe @hipwell @flo-barr

@dangraccoon @transactivecybermemory @etod @ivyyyyy @somewhere-on-kamino

@burningnerdchild @saneabandoned @heidnspeak @maniacalbooper @kimiheartblade

@vrycurious @thora-sniper

[solivagant242]

losing you pt. 10

remus lupin x f!reader

warnings: strong angst, swearing, hospital, car accident

pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4 pt. 5 pt. 6 pt. 7 pt. 8 pt. 9

amberly is used as the MC here since i used to write a lot of fanfics with her, but feel free to self-insert or use whatever name you’d like <3

________________________________________

“Moony, have you eaten yet?” Her dark head pokes around the corner, framed by the untidy soft curls that he’d always longed to push back from her face. “It’s nearly three.”

He rests his burning eyes on his hands, groaning. “It is?”

She perches on the edge of his desk and leans forward to press a soft kiss on his cheek. “Yes, it is. Did you have lunch?”

Remus grimaces. “Forgot.”

Amberly sighs. “You need to eat, love.”

Her hands find their familiar spot in his hair and he pulls her into him by the waist, savoring the smell of lavender that’s imbued in her clothes and skin. “Thanks for checking on me.”

She nuzzles into his shoulder. “Of course.”

She was so warm. She’d always been warm, everything from those chocolate-colored eyes to her pale, gentle hands that had always been able to soothe his scars and wounds and fears. Her smile melted him like spring sunlight on stubborn snow.

Amberly stroked the back of his head. “It’s okay, Moony.”

He chucked a piece of crumpled paper across the room, fists clenched. “I should have gotten better than that”-

“You did the best you could, right? It’s not like you didn’t try.” Her big brown eyes are wide with concern.

“It wasn’t enough,” he spits, chest heaving. “I wasn’t enough.”

Amberly touches his shoulder and he collapses next to her on the bed, burying his face in the pillow. “You’re always enough, Remus. No matter what.”

A sob shakes his shoulders and he clings to her, tears soaking her jumper, as her fingers card through his hair. 

Icy tears are soaking Remus’ ears and pillow.

He’s been staring at the same blue-washed ceiling for hours now, unable to move or sleep or think anything other than the same four words that have been repeating mindlessly in his brain all day.

It’s all my fault.

It’s all my fault.

It’s all my fault.

If Amberly were here right now, she’d use her thumb to wipe his tears away and kiss the spots where they had been. She’d snuggle right up next to him and rest her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck. He’d wake during the night to find her in the exact same position, clinging to him with her soft curls draped over her face. 

Once, Sirius had joked that sleeping with Amberly when she stayed the night must be like sleeping with a very large and very affectionate Venus flytrap. Remus had laughed as warmth flooded his bones and Amberly blushed next to him.

Now he doesn’t think she’ll ever look at him, much less hug him, again.

If she’s even here at all-

The thought hits him like a punch in the gut and he doubles up as a raw sob rends his chest in half. 

No more holding hands on the way to the bakery in the mornings. No more sleepy cuddles on the battered living room couch. No more back and neck rubs by the light of the fireplace in the evening. No more random animal and math facts exchanged over lunch, or cheesy cat memes sent over text at all hours of the day. 

All of that would be gone.

The added thought of and it’s all my fault wraps iron fingers of guilt around Remus’ ribs and squeezes. He buries his face in his hands as tears pour down his face, more tears than he believed possible after all the crying he’s been doing.

You did this to her. You pushed her away. Over and over again, after all she tried to do was help. You were a complete and utter prick to the one person who loved you more than she loved herself. 

Merlin, she’d do anything for me. Did do anything for me. Countless visions of keeping her waiting, of her making him his favorite food even when she was tired, of those brown eyes being exhausted and drained because of him rose to his thoughts. But always, always so warm and full of love and that he felt like he was coming home every time he saw her face.

Until now. 

Remus chokes back another sob.

The hospital gave him a room on the first floor, down the hall from Amberly. Apparently it was the “least they could do” after the state he’d been in when he saw her. He’d collapsed to his knees on the floor as the sheer force of what he’d done hit him. Sirius- who’d still been very close to punching his face in- had had to drag him out as the doctor watched impassively. 

Down the hall.

She’s just down the hall. 

His feet are on the ground before he knows it and he’s padding noiselessly down the white, blue-lit corridor. An eerie silence permeates everything. The narrow windows in front of the doors are dark and silent. No one is awake at two forty-three a.m.

Her room.

Her door.

Her bed.

Her-

Remus feels fresh tears pour down his face and he sinks onto the chair at the side of the bed. 

She’s still, so still. Her face is paler than ever against the sterile white of the hospital sheets. Her eyes are deeply shadowed, and she’s breathing so faintly that the blue quilt is hardly moving. Her hair is spread across the pillow like it’s melting into the night, barely discernible in the dimness of the room.

He takes her hand. He can’t remember the last time they held hands, not the way they’d used to. Fingers interlocked, warm and sure, the one single guarantee out of everything in this life that he’d loved and loved and loved.

Amberly stirs. 

His lips part as he turns towards her, shocked; her eyes flutter open and fix on him.

He can’t tell what she’s thinking. He can’t read her expression at all, and as he opens his mouth to croak out a I’msosorryIloveyoupleasedon’tleavemepleasepleaseplease-

“You’re not Remus.”

Her voice is soft, almost disappointed. There’s an odd note of resignation in it that strikes Remus to the core. 

He clears his throat and tries to keep the tears out of his eyes. “It’s me.”

“No,” she murmurs, shifting slightly in the bed. Her cast rustles against the covers. “He wouldn’t have come.” Her eyes close again.

Remus’ throat closes up at the note of assurance in her voice. “Wh- what do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Amberly mumbles. “Busy. He’s too busy.”

“Busy with what?”

“Stuff,” she breathes. “I think I should leave him alone. He doesn’t like when I help.” A tiny bit more alertness returns to her eyes and she gazes at him in the dark. “It’s my fault.”

“No,” Remus manages to choke out. “It’s not.”

Her eyes are luminous in the dark. “It is. It’s why I have to stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop”- Her voice is getting breathy and quiet as she sinks back down into sleep. “Stop caring.”

Then she’s asleep again and tears pour down Remus’ face as her hands goes limp and slowly, slowly slides away from his. 

[a-romantics-guide-to-life]

⋆ ₊ ☽ ·˚𓍲𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓼 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵 𓍲˚· ☾ ₊ ⋆

𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: you and billy love each other so much but sometimes it seems you are doomed to repeat the sins of your father.

𝓹𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: billy the kid x reader

𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓼: angst (but this time with a happier ending!), yelling, anger, talks of underage drinking and underage sex, talks of daddy issues, established relationship

𝓪/𝓷: i have a million other drafts but i was very much inspired to write this immediately so... enjoy : )

You and Billy loved each other to the moon and back. Really, you did. 

The first time you two had met was magical. Sunsets and nights together plagued your memory as soft kisses and warm embraces accompanied love that spilled over the top. 

You had been running away from a home that was more like a prison. Ever since your mother died, your father had been slaving away at work and giving up the rest of him to alcohol, whores, and blunts. 

You knew it wasn’t healthy for you father, and you tried so goddamn hard to resist, to change, that you ended up falling into the sins of your father as well.

You slept around and at the tender age of 17, drunk the nights away in your house where your father would only come for a new shirt and new pants.

You tried so hard to atone once you finally found yourself, the prison of your mind had finally been opened and you could finally see the daylight once more. So, you took every worldly possession of yours and fled. You took a horse and rode as far as you could, only stopping at small rivers and streams to get water and rest for a bit. 

It was exhausting, running from town to town as far away as you could. But that was when you found a darling little town right by the mountains to stay in, it was quaint and plenty of people were looking for new employees. 

You particularly fell in love with this small apothecary shop. It was run by Mr.Edwards, a darling old man who treated you more like a grandchild rather than an employee. He had given you a place to stay and food to eat as you helped him procure all kinds of herbs and spices grown at the foot of the mountain.

Many people had called you a witch, some called you a healer. 

Billy thought more along the lines of Angel. 

When Billy first laid eyes on you, he couldn’t help but fall in love. He had brought in this poor cat who had been so skinny that she was near death. 

Billy had been frantically trying to find anyone who would help the poor feline when he happened upon you while hysterically begging every passerby if they knew any vets in the town or anyone who could at least help the poor cat Billy had decidedly named Precious. 

You had dropped your basket onto the ground and immediately held out your arms taking the kitty into your arms to take a look at what ailed the poor precious little thing. You had immediately decided that Mr.Edwards would be of much more help than you so you urgently asked Billy to take your basket with him and led him to the shop where you were able to make some medicine and feed Precious.

As you took care of Precious you had also inadvertently started taking care of Billy. 

As time went on, Billy didn’t feel the need to run away from this town, from you. He was so very happy whenever he was with you, eyes dazzling and lips perfect for kissing. 

You two were in love, so so so in love. 

Billy stayed as did you. He stayed even when Jesse rode into town looking for the hydrangea eyed cowboy. You stayed even when Billy rode out to Lincoln to help his buddies. He stayed even when Mr.Edwards died and you decided to keep the shop. You stayed even when Billy started working with Tunstall, even bringing one of their weekly meetings to your home. 

You two stayed for each other, that alone spoke volumes more than “I love you.”

But sometimes, the long day apart and short nights together were exhausting. Most nights you were already asleep when Billy got home.

He’d defeatedly kick off his worn leather boots and hang his hat on one of the old worn out wooden chairs at the table. He’d take his blouse of the day off and throw it at the foot of your shared bed where you would lay sleeping peacefully, dreaming of a day when you and Billy can forget the world and live happily ever after together, forever.

Billy’d curl up next, arms wrapping themselves around your waist as he pulls you closer to him. You’d shift, feeling Billy’s warm chest against your back and his strong arms wrapped protectively around you. Even Precious would feel Billy’s presence because without fail, she’d strut into the room, her tail held high as she jumped up and onto the bed curling right next to your and Billy’s entangled legs.

In the morning, you would wake much earlier than Billy, hesitantly pull yourself away from his protective and loving hold and head out for the day. Breakfast was always ready for him since you’d always make enough for the both of you. 

It was always so lonely. Sure, sometimes you’d wait up for him in the morning and Billy’d try to get home super early just for you but it wasn’t enough.

Especially when the war started. 

Billy knew you were strong enough to handle yourself, he made sure of it. He taught you how to shoot, how to fight hand to hand, even knife work. 

Billy had known exactly what he had signed up for by joining Charlie and the Regulators. Long weeks filled with running and shooting down the House. Weeks spent in Lincoln slowly blended into a month. Billy’s days were no longer filled with your sweet smile and slow loving moments but rather vicious bloody days where he’d dream about your loving gaze meeting his eyes and pray you were still safe. 

You rarely saw Billy during those periods of time. You had understood why he undertook the heroic mission of helping Lincoln but it still hurt, especially to admit, that he had chosen to help the town rather than stay with you. You still loved him of course, nothing could ever make you stop, and you were so proud of him for standing up for what was right but it got lonely. Alone, you could handle yourself pretty well, but nothing could get rid of the loneliness leeching onto you, sucking all happiness and joy from your soul. 

Billy still wanted you protected so he had asked one of the Regulators to follow you, from the house to the shop to the darling shop you always bought lunch and pastries from to your supplier. Billy knew you wouldn’t like it but he couldn’t help but assign one of them to make sure you were still safe. He even forced them to send him weekly letters updating him on how you were. He felt so bad, a war raging so violently in his mind that he couldn’t even sleep. 

He missed you. He missed your smile, your tender gaze, your humor, your love. Billy misses all of it. 

As did you. You missed Billy so much that you had started to write his name as your own in orders from the shop. You missed Billy so much that you had to sleep in your old bedroom because sleeping in the room that you and Billy had shared hurt too damn much to be alone in that room. 

And that’s how you spent your time. All by yourself, you spent the winter months worrying about Billy, trying to tell the boy who had been following and, supposedly, protecting you to leave you alone. You worked yourself half to death. You could barely stomach any food from the nervous stone that settled in your stomach. You were angry, sad, happy, depressed, joyous, nervous, just everything all at once. You felt like you were going crazy, you decided to write letters to Billy, none of which he responded to. You’d almost got on your horse and rode out to Lincoln yourself to see what was going on over there. 

Of course, the young boy watching you had expressly stopped you and forced you to turn around. He gave you a bullshit excuse telling you that Billy was fine, alive. 

You didn’t believe it. You knew Billy, he was probably making sure everyone else stayed alive, slaving away at night strategizing new ways to make the House sweat. You knewI he’d be putting everyone before himself and you knew that sooner or later he’d make a mistake and he’d pay the price.

If only you had been wrong.

“He’s been shot! He needs help NOW!” One of the men yelled, a bleeding Billy being hoisted on his and another’s shoulder.

You had been sitting by the balmy fire, trying your best to stay warm in the dead of winter. Truth was, you couldn’t sleep. It was one of those nights where you missed Billy so much that you couldn’t sleep unless his big polar bear arms were wrapped around you.

You were startled awake when a loud banging sound came from your door. You reached for your shotgun as you stalked carefully towards the door only to be met with two young men holding a bleeding, unconscious Billy.

You  started moving immediately, running upstairs to grab towels and a basin of water. You quickly moved everything off the table, laying down the creamy white towels. The men laid Billy down, a soft groan escaping his pale lips.

Your heart raced, a strong erratic drum beat ringing in your ears as unshed tears burned behind your eyes. You pressed your hands to his wounds, one on his chest, one on his upper arm.

“We need to undress him. I have some medical supplies in the bathroom down the hall, will one of you get them?” You turned to the taller one with who had taken off his hat. He nodded, racing down the hallway to the bathroom.

Your attention went back onto Billy. “Will you help me take off his shirt?” You turned to the one Billy had made follow you. He froze, his eyes moving erratically from the door to Billy. 

You looked to the door only to see that another man walked in.

“How’s he Tom?”

“I- uh I dunno, h-he won’t s-stop bleedin sir.”

“Now don’t you sir me, ain’t no superior o yours.”

The two complete strangers continued their back and forth all the while you had tended to Billy all by yourself.

The other one finally came back with the medical box. You nodded your thanks before getting to work.

You were washing your hands before even one of the men came up to you. They figured it was better to let you work.

The feel of Billy’s, your Billy’s, blood on your own hands nearly made you vomit. It hurt to know that the first time you saw Billy in months was under these grim circumstances. Him bleeding out on your dining table where you two used to kiss so softly in the early mornings; you wrapped wearing a dress that Billy had once called the most brilliant shade of you, hands stained red with his blood.

“Hey miss, are you okay?” Asked one of the men. You turned to him, his hat in his hands, his eyes trained on the ground. 

You wiped your hands, your skin was raw and tingly from rubbing them so hard against the gruff towel.

“‘M fine, just didn’t think that the first time Billy comes home in nearly two months would be because he was shot.” 

He looks up at you, “Charlie Bowdre ma’am, I’m one of the farmers fighting with Billy on this noble cause.” 

He held his hand out to you, you gingerly took his hand shaking it.

“‘M very grateful you brought him back in one piece though, and so quickly too. Who knows how high his chances of survival would’ve been if you had gotten him here even one minute later.”

Charlie nodded and walked away, leaving you to the silence that your home offered.

Billy felt a sharp stinging pain as he hazily woke up. His eyes adjusted to his surroundings. 

He felt himself panic, his heart rate spiking as he felt that he was no longer wearing any clothes or in the cold harsh New Mexico winter. 

He sat up suddenly, pain sharp as barbed wire wrapped around his torso shooting up his spine, a groan leaving his lips. He looked around, squinting at the bright room he was in.

A loud thud drew his attention to you in the doorway, tears flowing down your peachy cheeks. The clean bowl in your hands was now on the floor at your feet as you hurriedly ran to Billy who lay on your bed.

Billy opened his arms as you collapsed right into him, a soft sigh leaving him as he buried his nose into your hair. You sobbed into his shoulder, his bare torso wet from your tears.

He wrapped his arms weakly around you, a dull pain shooting up and down his body racing around as he felt you cling onto him harder.

You pull away for a brief moment, your warm, tender, loving hand moving Billy’s clingy curls away from his face as your hand cups his cheek, kissing him tenderly.

He pressed further into you as his calloused hands remained steady on your hips. He rests his forehead against yours, his breaths slowing down. No words needed to be spoken amongst you two, the silence comforting to the two of you.

You finally look up at his topaz eyes as his eyes search yours. You press another soft kiss to his chapped lips, the feel of his rough and bloody lips on yours enough to light a fire within you to find whoever hurt your Billy. 

“How’re you feeling Billy?”

“‘M good now ‘m back ‘ere with you.” He smiles softly.

You sit up straight, distancing yourself with Billy. You don’t miss the flash wave of hurt that overtakes Billy’s eyes.

You stand, your arms crossing across your chest in indignation. “And you have come back, but after how long? Hmm? Has it even occurred to you that the first time I see you in months shouldn’t be because you’re running from the House or from the Law or whoever hurt you?”

“Baby, pretty mama, ya know I’d never ever want t’leave ya, right? Darlin’, I don’t want you caught up in all this fightin’.”

“Billy,” You sit next to the wounded outlaw, your hands coming to cup his face. His stubbly chin leaning into your hand, “I can help you and your friends. I know you know that, and yet you still left me. Love, I can handle myself, you made sure of it.”

“But I can’t protect you out there, every night, every day, I can’t always be there for ya Angel.”

“Billy, that’s the whole point. You don’t need to protect me, I can protect myself, I’ve been protecting myself.”

“Darlin’, ain;t no one out there that knows what tomorrow brings. I jus’ don’t wanna lose you.”

You scoff, “Exactly Billy, yet you seem to throw yourself out there anyway. I missed you, so much that it killed me to know that you could be dead out there. Dead! And I wouldn;t even know until your people send one of those poor farmer’s sons to tell me. I mean has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe it would be a good idea to send me proof of life or something, maybe even, I dunno, a response even one of the letters I sent you?”

“Angel…”

“Billy, you don’t need to coddle me, okay? You don’t need to hide me from the war you’re fighting. I told you, I can help! I’ve been through much much worse I guarantee. And you can barely protect yourself, I mean just look at yourself! You came home bloody and bleeding and I had to fish TWO bullets out of you, TWO! If you think that you are in any condition to fight out there, even to protect me then you sir, have another thing coming for you. If only you had let me he-”

“You will not involve yourself in this war, you hear me Angel. Never. ‘M sorry you feel that way and ‘m sorry I hurt you darlin’ but we are done talking about this, you will stay here for your protection.” He yells, standing up from the bed, towering over you. His nostrils flare and his arms grasp your own in his large hands.

You shake his arms off of you, turning away and walking to the door, burning, unshed tears welling in your eyes. Billy grabs your arm pulling you to him, your face pressed into his muscular chest. His arms came up to cradle your head, holding you there.

“Pretty mama, you have to understand,” he brings his hand to tilt your chin up, his deep ocean eyes, “I can’t lose you.” 

His thumbs rub your cheeks. You bring your hand up to cover his, his touch inviting you to lean into the familiar warmth of him.

“Billy, I can’t lose you either. Which is why you have to let me help you.”

“Baby, it’s not safe out there. Who knows what kind of monsters are out there to take you away from me darlin’.”

“Billy, love, I’ve been with those monsters before, I once called them family. I drank and ate with them as have you dearest. Ain’t nothing out there that could take me away from you, over my dead body.”

He nods solemnly and kisses you so gently, you’re afraid of breaking the moment into a million shards. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, breathing him in as you kiss him again urgently. Slowly, he lifts you up and carries you two back onto the bed, leaving everything to the wind.

sorry for another long one, hope you enjoyed! (lets also not mention how long it took me to post this)

[merrysithmas]

hey!!! love the post about charles and his telepathy, but can u expand a bit on the part about charles' shields hurting him? thank u

hi thank you so much! I imagine it's something like losing a sense. When I had COVID I lost my sense of smell and it seriously devastated me. I legitimately felt blind to the world. I couldn't smell the street I lived on, my soap, my bedsheets, my friend's perfume, my own skin.

I felt like, genuinely, if I closed my eyes I couldn't tell where on earth I was - and realized how jarring and horrifying it was to lose one of your critical senses. Does this food smell bad or off? Is there smoke in the house? Do I smell blood - am I hurt? I don't know. I don't know.

I couldn't tell and it scared me. Not to mention I lost my sense of taste (which still isn't completely recovered 4 years later). I couldn't taste lemon, garlic, wasabi, pepper. Critical markers of the world, a critical component of every day life (eating) was exhausting and pointless to me. My mind was preoccupied with mourning as I watched people socialize and look forward to meals.

My mind was so lost and bereft. I felt agonized. When it slowly returned, as a trickle, a base upon which more complicated flavors are built - it was still disorienting and painful: at the time apples tasted like acid, broccoli like trash and garbage, ketchup like filth, basil like dirt.

So in my opinion, and canonically, for Charles to lose or even shield or lessen his telepathy purposefully it's like losing a critical sensation through which your understanding of reality is based, through which the very synapses of your brain are built around. It's like going blind, deaf, tasteless, or scentless. Disorienting and painful. Confusing, unnatural, and muting.

Charles' telepathy and knowing of another's mind is for him a simple reflex like hitting a knee with a hammer at a doctor's office. Comfortable, natural, and nonjudgemental. It is a sense upon which he builds his concept of safety, location, and peace.

Charles' natural gift breaks the barrier of what is acceptable in human AND mutant society - and thus if anyone is an example of Erik's oft-lauded evolved being... it's not mutants, it's not Erik, it's... Charles.

To fit in anywhere Charles can't be mutant and proud, not all the way, not all the time, but conditionally. Charles is the one who is unacceptable to all of them.

And this undoubtedly hurts him.

The only place Charles truly felt at peace and completely accepted was with his bird alien girlfriend who loved his telepathy. He could freely use it - finally completely accepted. He had freedom in her society unlike any other point in his life. His mind could breathe.

Imagine it's like seeing a sunset for the first time after going blind 40 years ago. Like tasting chocolate after losing your sense of taste for years. Like smelling your mother's perfume after she's been dead for a decade. Like Rogue, touching someone's hand for the first time without hurting them.

But still, he gave that all up to come home to his children & Erik. Love was more important to him than being completely free and worth the sacrifice.

[not-pollux]

𝕭𝖆𝖉 𝕱𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊 ℌ𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘 ⋆

╭ ・── ・ ꒰ ☆ ꒱ ・ ── ・ ִ ۫ ּ ֗ ִ ִ ֗ ִ ۫ ˑ ᳝ ࣪  ⊹

  ˚   ₊˚ˑ  💙💜❤️🧡 ‧ ₊ Future ROTTMNT ༄

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Warnings: Unedited, lowkey kinda long, discussions of bad habits

Word count: 1772

Leo 

Stressed 24/7

Constantly working + horrible at time management = chronically overworked

Like he's so bad at taking breaks 💀

If he does manage to take a break aside from sleeping or eating he's thinking about all the work he has to do

If I'm being honest, he thinks about work while eating and probably dreams of work too

Speaking of sleeping, he doesn’t

Stress induced insomnia wont let him. He would really like to sleep, if he could. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. He just can't.

He eats pretty well though. Sometimes skips meals when he's super busy, but he's otherwise pretty good. He understands that a well fed body is an efficient body!

Definitely has a poorly kept personal quarters

He has pretty good personal hygiene, though.

He takes showers regularly and brushes his teeth, he has an image to uphold and he enjoys taking care of himself

He's more unsanitary in his own personal space. He doesn't change his bedsheets often, hasn't swept the floor in forever, lots of unwashed clothes, etc

Because he’s chronically exhausted, these super simple tasks tend to be really hard for him. If they aren’t essential to his image and performance as resistance leader, he won't do it.

In my opinion most of Leo's stress comes from the fact that he is overly concerned about how people perceive him and his leadership skills. 

He doesn’t want to take breaks because he doesn’t want to be judged for it. He thinks people will go “Oh my god, how can the leader be taking a break when there is so much stuff to do?”

He doesn’t ask for help, or ever show any signs of weakness because he feels the need to be everyone’s personal Hamato beacon of hope. 

Everyone is counting on him. He only lets himself unravel in his locked room where no one is ever allowed to go. Not even his brothers.

On that note, would rather move a whole mountain on his own than admit he needs assistance.

He will actually tell people to stop if they try to help him out. He’ll guilt trip people by saying that they made him feel like he wasn’t doing his work good enough, or he isn’t enough for the resistance. 

He fully believes that he isn't good enough when people try to help him.

People love to bother him. With every single minor inconvenience. And he is expected to deal with them all. 

He honestly shifts from his very outgoing personality to a lot more closed off as he gets older.

He’s definitely not rude or anything, he’s just trying to ensure his interactions with people do not go on longer than they need to.

Its for his own sanity.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Donnie

Also chronically overworked

I agree that Donnie would lock himself in his lab and work excessively.

He tends to believe his worth is only determined by what he can offer intellectually, and therefore pours his life and soul into his projects

His tech is also more or less what is keeping everyone alive. Their base is secured with Donnie’s tech and fortified with Donnie’s tech and armed with Donnie’s tech

Also really bad at taking breaks. 

They are so twins.

I see the headcanon that he literally survives on only coffee everywhere, but I don't think that's super realistic for an apocalypse. 

Non essentials are not easily accessible.

I also think he sleeps pretty well because he understands how quickly the brain deteriorates when he doesn’t sleep. 

He knows how inefficient it is, and he hates inefficiency.

Doesn’t usually eat more than one meal a day. 

Sometimes he'll skip eating for a full day if he's really busy.

He could possibly be malnourished. It's most likely very common in the apocalypse and he is a giant mutant turtle who needs more food.

And he probably only consumes quick and easy food that gives him the bare minimum of nutrients to function. Nutrition is important, but not as important as sleep

I'm so sorry Donnie lovers but I lowkey think he doesn’t have super great personal hygiene

We know he's a bit of a germaphobe so I don’t think it would be too bad, just skipping showers and brushing his teeth occasionally when he’s super absorbed in how work especially because it doesn’t affect his performance at all

We know he's a neat freak (and control freak) so I believe his personal space would be really clean.

It makes him feel like he’s not loosing his mind

Exact opposite of Leo.

Lowkey a hot take, but I think Donnie has the best mental health out of the four. 

Not to say that it’s good. He is stressed and overworked, for sure. They all are.

But I do think he’d have a semi private lab, and people wouldn’t be constantly harassing him

I like to headcanon that he has a little mail system for when people need repairs done around the base

You put this little slip of paper into his little mailbox and that way he has a written report of everything he needs to get done AND he didn’t have to interact with anyone.

Win win!

Being a control freak, he is controlling everything he is physically able to, and as of right now, it’s helping him stay somewhat sane.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Raph

I'm so excited to explore how and why Raph would lean into the ‘anger issues' stereotype that holds most iterations of Raph in a choke hold.

Being released from his duties of leader, I think Raph feels less inclined to keep himself put together

He copes with stress through punching shit. We know this.

I believe as a response to stress, Raph would yell more frequently (out of fear) and eventually that would translate to physical violence.

We see this at the beginning of the movie with Leo.

I believe this physical violence is directed not towards allies but more to enemies. He becomes a formidable warrior due to his anger. I'm talking crazy strong and insanely vicious. 

Although because of his size and violent tendencies most mutants and people in their base are afraid he'll explode and use that violence on one of them one day.

They treat him like he's a bomb, and if they rub him the wrong way he'll blow up in their faces

This irritates Raph further. 

We love circular conflicts!

I believe he sleeps well. Actually, I think he sleeps a bit too much.

He feels isolated because of the way people talk to him and refer to him. To cope with that he sleeps 12-18 hours a day. He tries to spend as much time away from people as possible.

He pretends he does it to slow his metabolism so he doesn't have to eat as many rations, being the biggest guy in the resistance.

I think he would be pretty clean himself, but his room wouldn't be.

I love portraying people's personal spaces/rooms as a reflection of their minds.

Not necessarily messy, just extremely disorganized.

He doesn’t know what to do with himself, he feels like his strength is his only use, and people don’t see him as strong and powerful, they’re just scared

And that reflects in how he doesn’t really know what to do with the stuff in his room. Things that he holds dear to him or felt like they represented everything he believed pre apocalypse don’t really have a distinct home in his room anymore

They’re just… laying on the floor somewhere.

This might be a bit of a reach but I think he meditates to deal with this too. Specifically with Mikey when they’re both not busy.

He eats less than he should be because of the way they hand out rations, but for the circumstances he eats pretty well.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

Mikey

Mikey is swamped with a LOT more responsibility than he is used to very very quickly.

He becomes “the mystic guy”. He’s in charge of most (if not all) of the mystic mojo that goes on in the resistance.

I think Draxum and him created some sort of mystic force field that blocks the Krangs powers to hide their base

If you remember that scene where the Krang finds the key by going into Raph’s head and finding their base?

Yeah the force field basically prevents the Krang from being able to do that.

He has to replenish the force field every once in a while, which drains him a lot, and even more so if (when) Draxum dies and they can’t split the burden 50/50

So this boy is OVER. WORKED.

One of the few future headcanons I really like is the fact that Mikey looks significantly older is a result of mystic overuse

It makes a lot of sense in my opinion

In my opinion his body is deteriorating and aging a lot faster because he doesn’t have access to adequate amounts of sleep, hydration, or nutrition, and on top of that he’s basically putting his body through the equivalent of running a marathon every single day through his mystic powers

I think in his early days of training he actually overate a little

He was trusted in the rations kitchens, so he’d take a little extra and he would steal rations from Donnie and sometimes Leo and Raph when they didn’t eat

In his head it wasn’t bad if it was to a good cause, refueling his super tired and achy body

He learned better though, he doesn’t do that anymore. I do think he is the best at eating all three meals every single day, though.

I also think he sleeps really well, against his will. He’s always so physically tired, so he always goes to bed early so he’s well rested.

I think he’s also pretty hygienic all around, just a little goodie two shoes

Due to his mystic powers, I headcanon him with chronic pain in his arms, along with terrible migraines.

Donnie making compression sleeves for Mikey is like, my favourite headcanon ever

I don’t think the damage would be similar to Good Future (too much power all at once), but instead normal amounts of power used way too many times way too close together.

TLDR; Overworked muscles, basically.

I think Mikey is the favourite turtle for people to ask for guidance (Leo is a very close second), so he also has to deal with a lot of people asking him questions all the time. He gets swarmed whenever he has a break

Meditates with Raph for his migraines.

༶•┈┈┈┈୨☆୧┈┈┈┈•༶

AN: I'm just took each turtle's worst traits and amplified them for future headcanon purposes :3

I might do a good future headcanons version of this or a April, Splinter, Draxum, Cassandra, Casey Jr mini drabble next. Not completely sure yet.

I hope you enjoyed reading this! This was super duper fun to write!

[cheapcheapfaker]

already hungry enough to make lunch after making myself a second breakfast an hour and a half ago knowing im also gonna need to have a before dinner snack so i can have energy to make dinner where ill most likely not even have leftovers to save for lunch like i used to anymore and then also maybe an after dinner bowl of cereal and havin to make all this food not to mention seeing the amount of silverware n dishes im goin through and and and

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has arachnophobia but like. The type of arachnophobia that makes you have panic attacks even if you only see a little, tiny spider around you. And I just know Usopp would love to have a pet spider. They go to an island and Usopp finds a hurt spider and takes care of it because of course he would, and decides to keep it because of course he would.

So, uh, Sanji doesn't like his boyfriend's pet. It's not like he's going to tell him, because what would he say to him? Sanji hasn't told him his fear of spiders is that bad (he definitely knows, though). And he doesn't want to get in between Usopp's excitement of keeping her. So the spider stays and at least Usopp is aware that Sanji doesn't like her, so he doesn't let her go close to him (she's very polite so it's okay).

But Usopp loves having her around. On his shoulder, his head, his hands-- The guy brings her with him everywhere. And the little thing is smart and somehow seems to understand what Usopp says. They're happy. It's cute. Luffy absolutely loves her. Robin is literally thrilled to study her behavior. And Sanji can't even look at her because he will start hyperventilating the second he notices her.

He'd try to get over his fear of her because Usopp wants them to get along but he won't force it on Sanji. Sanji just knows he wants them to be friends. The spider lives in Usopp's terrarium, which he keeps in his workshop, and so Sanji goes there without telling his boyfriend.

And he tries. He really, really tries. He's shaking when he sees her there, even if she's inside the terrarium. He's barely able to breathe when he tries to get her out of there. Again and again repeating the words Usopp constantly tells him "She's more afraid of you than you are of her" (which is bullshit, in Sanji's opinion) and "She only wants to be your friend! She likes you because I like you" (something extremely romantic but Sanji's brain doesn't process it that way).

He's about to call it a day and try to calm himself down before he actually stops breathing for good. But. You know. The terrarium is on the edge of the table that's already full of Usopp's stuff and the tablecloth is long and- And the terrarium falls and breaks and the spider ends on Sanji's foot-

He doesn't want to do it and it happens in instinct and regrets it immediately, but he kicks the spider. He doesn't know where she lands and he doesn't react immediately to it because he's too focused on trying to learn how to breathe again. He sits on the floor around broken glass and dirt and doesn't realize what he's done until he starts looking for her again. It's not even because of Usopp anymore. She's just a spider. She hasn't done anything but... Existing. She shouldn't be blamed for that. Even if Sanji is afraid of her.

Sanji looks around for her without getting up and finds her alive and well and crawling around avoiding the glass, but also trying to stay away from Sanji as much as possible. That breaks his heart because he might not know what she thinks the way Usopp does, but he knows when someone is scared.

At least she's okay. She's alright. That's a relief.

"I'm sorry, I-" He feels a bit stupid talking to her like this, but he knows she gets it. He hopes she does. "It's not you. You're- He loves you, okay? You're a good girl. I just- I just can't."

He feels his chest tightening when she approaches him ever so slowly, but he knows she won't do anything. His heart doesn't share the same sentiment, but he quiets it down. She looks almost apologetically as if she was the one reassuring Sanji and not the other way around. "It must be tiring." He holds his legs close to his chest to make space for her to walk next to his feet. He feels like he's about to pass out, but she's respectful. And nice. And kind of cute, even. And she's Usopp's. Sanji thinks she tilts her little head confusedly. Thinks, because he isn't quite sure if they do that. "It sucks, right? People being afraid of you all the time. I- I can't say I'm not scared but- But you haven't done anything wrong, little one."

She stays there and doesn't move much for a few seconds, until she ends up crawling up and resting on top of Sanji's shoe. The same way she does when she spends her time on Usopp's shoulder. Sanji isn't that afraid anymore. He's overwhelmed and exhausted and really, really anxious, but he trusts her. Somehow.

Sanji looks around the room, his heart clenching with blame. "I'm sorry- For your home. I'll build you a new one. Well. Not- Not me. I don't know how to. Usopp will. Shit, he'll hate me after this..." But before he can start dwelling on it, the spider moves a little on his leg. And It isn't as bad as he thought. If she's going to murder him in his sleep it's a bit deserved after all. But she won't. He hopes she won't. "You know, you're kind of cute." She tries to crawl up to his knee, but it makes him jump a little. "Don't- Not really ready for, like, upper body touching. Please?" And somehow, she listens and goes back to her position. "Damn, you can understand what I say, can you? Smart girl."

And she doesn't say anything, but Sanji takes it as a yes. Both because he likes talking to her and also because he doesn't want to feel so damn stupid.

A few hours later, Usopp goes back to his workshop and finds Sanji asleep on the floor, lucky he didn't touch any shards of glass, and the spider rests on his foot happily. Or at least it looks like that for Usopp.

He'll ask what happened later, for now, it's time to clean the mess without waking up his boyfriend. He's been brave enough for a day.

[raisans-art]

hi, i just found this blog and was reading back on your current submas au. you say you dont like others giving ideas for the au, but unless i missed a post you didnt seem to make it clear any point before getting upset that you didnt like those types of messages or that you already had the story planned out. maybe you should make a post about this being an already written story your releasing bits at a time and not a wip au?

As I see it, that post is a version of that post that you mention. It wasn't an immediate issue, only cumulative because (at current and at time of that ask being sent) there was a larger volume of those kind of asks than there normally are when I start sharing an au that operates the way I'm operating this one: letting people ask questions about things that they are interested in learning about in the au rather than trying to tell a linear story.

So. As it stands, that answer stands as that post. I love questions about my aus. I just ask a bit of consideration on whether or not your ask comes off as simply throwing what-if scenarios at me without considering what I am at all doing with the au. It doesn't feel great.

I guess this post stands as a declaration of what Brothers' Starter is.

[cowboy-robooty]

i dont got a gaurdian angel or devil on my shoulder but i do imagine grandad (robert freeman) from the boondocks reacting to everything around me

[sophsun1]

.

[coffeewithcalypso]

I'm honestly so tired of feeding myself.

It's felt like such a chore lately.

I've always been bad at breakfast but boiled eggs were working for awhile. I do salads for lunch because I have little tupperwares I can pack a salad base in and just grab it and add different toppings to every day. But I'm bored of eating both of them. I mean admittedly I've been doing the salad thing for like two years now so that was bound to get boring eventually

Why does putting nutrition in my stupid, and already overweight, body require so much mental bandwidth? 😭

[poughkeepsies]

im so hungry but i just really dont want to eat right now. like i want the food to be magically transported directly to my stomach but i do not want to go through the motions of lifting a spoon and chewing for thirty minutes

[symbiodyke]

....

[barkingangelbaby]

i'm watching arrested development again and this scene came on.. i can't laugh like i usually do and the sounds that came out of me.... i sent a snapchat cracking up to my friends and they told me it sounded like i was sobbing

[m-for-now]

Improving in your life is actually kinda hard and sucks, I'm gonna pretend I'm at the beginning of my anime arc now