#it’s like all the love that I don’t vocalize bc I’m traumatized and I feel like everything I love will leave me or be ripped away from me

[milo-is-rambling]

How to stop liking people so much that I accidentally fixate on them and spend so much time thinking about them that I have a separate in my brain version of them and a real person version of them. It’s difficult because it works in two ways. Either I like a kind person and the brain fixating is just a like. Living in the love type obsessive feeling and it’s fine yknow a little weird but not terrible. Or I like a person who is Bad for me and I obsess over the fake what they COULD be in my brain version and I’m so attached to the fake version that I let them hurt me in real life bc I like the possibility of them being kind/holding on to the in the brain version for comfort despite knowing it’s hurting me in the long run.

[lipstickmarks]

Morticia Cubed

Sweet Morticia (1964) - Carolyn Jones’ morticia was the most sweet tempered and good natured version. She was gentle and peppered in “dear” and “darling” in every sentence to everyone she cared about, not just Gomez. The way she cared for her plants and kitty cat, feeding them, soothing them with words, referring to herself and gomez as mother and father. She also had anxiety!! let’s not forget!! she was constantly overthinking, espousing some statement and then immediately recanting it. Famously, while standing up and then sitting down in her chair. She said herself that she “lives in constant fear that someone is going to come along and take” gomez away from her. Morticia seems to have some insecurities which probably stem from Ophelia being the favorite and nearly marrying Gomez herself. Let’s not forget, they got very close to being married. They were already at the alter and it looked like there was no way out. Morticia doesn’t show it as outwardly as Gomez but is as madly in love with him. Seeing him almost married to someone she already felt inferior to probably traumatized her. Even though everything worked out in Tish’s favor, she probably still carries that fear. After all, she regards Gomez as handsome, romantic, dynamic, sweet, selfless, and caring. Why wouldn’t someone else come along and realize that? Also, in the episode where Morticia and Gomez have a fight, it only happened because she thought Gomez’ play-acting had truth to it. “I knew it. You do think I’m wasteful!” And she probably only thought that because it’s what she thinks of herself. The Addams’ do have a very abundant catalog of frivolous items and she might be afraid that Gomez does or will eventually resent her for it. Again, this could stem from her upbringing as the less favorable child; mother frump giving ophelia everything she wants and resenting morticia for needing anything. The poor baby 🥺 That’s also why it’s all the more lovely that Gomez is so generous with his affection and words of affirmation bc Trish probably really needs that reassurance that she is the center of his universe. As a mirrorball child, it probably means the world to her. Now, this (and their relationship in general) could be perceived as Gomez being more in love or their love not being equal but they just express themselves differently. (consider candace and jeremy from phineas and ferb. equally obsessed, just expressed in different ways) Gomez’ love language is physical touch and words of affirmation while Morticia’s is acts of service. (they both love quality time. they’re together 24/7!) Gomez makes it known to the entire world that he loves Morticia for her mind, body, and soul. and Morticia, as someone with anxiety, probably doesn’t outwardly express her love. I, myself, am an anxious introvert and I don’t vocalize a lot of things/am generally quiet and not talkative. Not being vocal doesn’t mean the love isn’t there. She loves Gomez in other ways. Like memorizing the entire catalogue of Addams, what they did, when and where they lived, and what they like???? hello, wife goals. She’s always looking out for Gomez too. When she thinks he’s lost everything, she puts everyone in the family to work including herself! When Gomez gets amnesia, she does everything in her power to jog his memory without hurting him and even had to delegate clubbing him on the head to someone else because she couldn’t bear to hurt him 🥺

Also! Morticia is a cryer! the way her lower lip quivers when something really gets to her (and the way Gomez swoops in with a worried “querida?🥺” and a comforting touch… SWOON). Very much a cancer rising.

In the same vein, Morticia is an empath. She always considers other people’s feelings, is thinking of ways to thank people who have visited the Addams house (“we ought to send them a gift, dear!”), and considering how and why someone is particularly sad, ill, upset, out of sorts, etc. and coming up with ways to fix it! Even when Gomez is overwhelmed with his love (lust) for her, she put that aside to focus on the problem at hand. At her core, she is a mother and a caretaker. She’s a gentle, caring, sensitive soul and I love her.

Sexy Morticia (1990s) - Morticia has always been a knock out but they had more room to go full sexy smokeshow with Anjelica Houston’s iteration in the 90s. 60s Morticia was always quelling Gomez’ lust with a stroke to his chin and a promise of “later” but 90s Morticia dialed up the horny to 11. She was allowed to reciprocate Gomez’ lust and vocalize her own. Her first lines were alluding to the wild, crazy, demonic, hedonistic sex she and gomez had the night before and how she wants her black blown out like that again! She has more of a commitment to the dark arts, as was the trend at the time with grunge. Her makeup, wardrobe, and general appearance leaned more into the femme fatale and thus, she became every 90s kid’s sexual awakening. Long Live Anjelica Houston.

Stern Morticia (2019) - I have such a soft spot for the animated movies. They do have their issues as a lot of the jokes were purely made to pander to a modern audience (squad goals, billie eilish, etc). but they’re not without their merit. Casting Oscar Isaac as Gomez Addams was a stroke of brilliance. Now that being said, this is my least favorite version of Morticia. She’s much more stern, with Gomez, with the kids, with grandmama. She very much wanted things a certain way and was upset when the status quo was changing (i.e. wednesday wanting to go outside or go to school) it just came off as controlling. The writers took Gomez and Morticia (a passionate, indulgent husband and a caring, seductive wife) and watered them down into head in the clouds x no nonsense. It was upsetting to see.

[billfarrah]

this is going to be really long LOL. i really hate the take that simon didn’t really have much to do and his only plot in season 2 was being in a love triangle… simon just went through an insanely traumatizing experience and a humongous heartbreak with the most public figure in all of fictional sweden. i find it extremely understandable that his reaction would be “suppress suppress suppress!! fill the void!! try to move on!!try to forget!!!” bc he feels so scared and hurt and he was just stripped of all his agency. i think he’s trying to regain some agency by starting a fling with someone new on his own terms, but then THAT person also ignores simons boundaries and further strips him of agency. he’s not trying to get into a relationship and spite wille or make him jealous. he is 16 and he’s trying to cope with a devastating breech of his personhood. i think simon had a really complex season!!! and i don’t think it would have necessarily made sense for simon to get storylines about his family dynamics bc that was not the most pressing issue at the end of season one. it would make sense that he would try to cope/deal with the trauma of the sex tape and breakup, figure out how to exist in a world that no longer feels safe, and feel more solid in himself before dealing with family stuff. sara moved out and his mom works so he’s just left to deal with the trauma alone. i’d look for solace in someone else too!! i can see simon getting into his family dynamic in the 3rd season (if there is one) especially bc the drug stuff might come up w micke and of course the sara fallout. overall, i really enjoyed simons arc this season. i think the power dynamics between himself and wille were evened a bit (simon was given space to ask for what he wants, put up boundaries, and say no and wille respected that. kings of consent and being respectful!) and idk!!! he was able to vocalize his hurt and i think that is really important.

I’m glad you enjoyed his storyline. I think this is a really solid take. I think since we as fans have spent so much time speculating and we had so many hopes and wishes and stuff that we wanted to see for the characters - and the characters are so beloved to us - that it was inevitable some people weren’t going to like what they did with certain storylines. I personally enjoyed Simon’s storyline and I think he went through a lot of growth, but that’s just our opinion and I think the people who didn’t like it also have good points. Art will never be universally loved or hated and will always be interpreted differently.

[thepictureofsdr]

7,8

7. what disappointed you?

WHOOOOO what a question

1. no meaningful alastair POV, his trauma continues to be dumped through other peoples perspectives and he’s received absolutely no care, genuine comfort, help, or healing

2. this love triangle, it’s so unnecessary and clunky and there’s no romantic chemistry btw cordelia and matthew imo, their friendship is so wonderful.

3. the treatment of matthews alcoholism. i’m not an expert, i don’t know how it should be dealt with but i what i do know is that it needs a lot more time and attention, it’s a serious issue, not a throwaway plot point that can disappear in two pages at the end of chot. also cordelia compares matthew to her abusive alcoholic father like twice and now theyre two points of a love triangle??? idk what cassie is doing. also the complete lack of acknowledgment of the traumas caused by elias’s alcoholism and literal death

4. the sexualisation of cordelia. she is a minor, and it’s genuinely kinda ooc for james. he adores HER so much, he has to look away when she smiles and he gets flustered seeing her hair down, he wanted to fight the man she may marry in the future and could barely breathe when she talked about loving someone else, he calms down at the sound of her voice and he wants to lay his head down in her lap and have her play with his hair bc he knows her touch would help his headache. and yet all the soft moments we could’ve had were sacrificed for weirdly in depth descriptions of cordelias body, all the sweet things he thinks about her were shoved aside for horny teen thoughts. i only reread alastair scenes but i remember being uncomfortable reading some of these scenes, esp since i was the same age as cordelia when reading it

5. CORDELIA RUNNING AWAY TO PARIS WITH MATTHEW??? MY GIRL WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER HEAVILY TRAUMATIZED BROTHER TO DEAL WITH THEIR RECENTLY WIDOWED PREGNANT MOTHER AND DEATH OF THEIR FATHER ALONE ESPECIALLY AFTER FINDING OUT THAT HED BEEN TAKING CARE OF EVERYTHING HALF THEIR LIVES WHAT IS SHE DOINGGGGGGG

6. ghostwriter feels kinda rushed, probably bc they thought he was gonna die but i hope they slow down in the next book now that they have time

7. the serial killer plot line 100% wasnt used to its full capacity, and as someone who was specifically excited for that trope im still salty

you probably didn’t want an essay i’m so sorry

8. what is the top thing you wish had been done differently

the sanctuary scene.

1. thomas should’ve been kidnapped like we all thought was gonna happen the angst would’ve been so GOOD

2. if we could get multiple jordelia shmexy scenes we could get one full thomastair scene not split into 4 parts. the split was literally just a cop out for cc to not have to write more, she just took one pretty short scene and sprinkled it across like 3 chapters to give the illusion of doing thomas and alastair justice

3. the timeskip of their conversation. what is it with this book and skipping anything healthy to write about kids making out

4. thomas not vocalizing his feelings and the almost brushing over alastairs trauma to make out. i’m so desperate for concrete emotional thomastair progress

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21

[meetthefatess]

Hi dear! I just finished listening to In the Green and I'm in love, it's so beautiful and the vocals are amazing. However I'm having a hard time understanding it. Would you be willing to do a summary of like each song so that I can figure out what's happening? Totally understand if that's too much work though, I'm happy just listening to it without fully understanding. Love you!

Hi! I wouldn’t mind at all 🥰

Some of these descriptions are going to be longer than others bc I know more about certain songs. Also disclaimer, I haven’t seen the show in person so this is based on reviews & interviews I’ve seen talking about the show & the music itself! If anyone has corrections, pls let me know!

(tw for mentions of rape, I’ll tag accordingly)

O Virga ac Diadema: this is actually a song written by Hildegard von Bingen, who was a brilliant scientist, composer, philosopher (among other things) in the Middle Ages & who this musical is based on! Most, if not all, of the Latin chanting sections are taken from Hildegard’s own work! I’ll probably mention this again when the next one comes up.

Death Ceremony: following the death of her sister (which we will get into later) Hildegard is given away by her mother to Jutta. Hildegard was the youngest of 10 siblings and very shaken by her sister’s death, so this was likely done to lessen the burden on the family. My understanding is that this song is Jutta officially taking over the care of Hildegard. She is excited at the idea of Hildegard being acquainted with death (through the lessons she plans to teach her) because it is what she herself has been pursuing in her search for “the light.” The slam at the end of the song represents the two being locked in the cell together.

If I Had a Knee: in this song we become acquainted with the “pieces” of Hildegard. Because of, as she says, a “life shattering experience” she has broken into the Mouth (Ashley Pérez Flanagan), Eye (Rachael Duddy), and Hand (Hannah Whitney). This is how she has processed her trauma. She believes her mother sent her away because she is broken like this and if she just becomes whole (or one “piece”) again she will be able to return home. We also get a little forshadowing to Confession when she sings “If I had a knee I could climb out the window.”

The Rule: Jutta promises she can help the Hildegards become whole again because she used to be broken & knows what they are going through. She also believes that helping the Hildegards will give her the freedom she has been searching for and show her “the light.” We get a little look into Jutta’s life as a noblewoman here too! Jutta also brushes away the Hildegard’s questions about how she broke (or HER life shattering experience) and insists that the only thing that matters is she was able to get herself under control (by locking herself in the cell) and become whole again.

I Am Hungry: I Am Hungry is centered around Mouth and the desires held by that piece of Hildegard. These solo (ish) piece songs I believe are how Jutta learns about & tries to “fix” Hildegard one piece at a time. Mouth battles with feeling ungrateful, despite this opportunity to become whole thanks to Jutta, being uncomfortable in her own skin, and feeling like a monster. I don’t know as much about this song but it is a Bop and Ashley Pérez Flanagan is SO good.

Eve: this is one of the lessons Jutta teaches (directed at Mouth) on how to make her trauma easier to bear. I believe this lesson is given after Hildegard has her first period? Jutta’s lessons are starting to reveal her own pain and flawed judgement with the line “if you kill your every care, your burden will be less to bear.” Once again, A Bop

Ritual: time is passing in the cell! The Hildegards are still working to become whole, with the help of Jutta (who sings “it takes time to be whole” in response to the Hildegards’ “I’m trying”). They are becoming frustrated because they are still broken and are not sure what they are supposed to be learning.

Little Life: perhaps realizing that the Hildegards are more inclined to believe in light & life than the death-oriented lessons Jutta tries to teach them, Jutta gives another lesson. Jutta further shows she has gone through trauma too in understanding the Hildegards are “hiding the feeling [they’ve] done something wrong.” We also learn the name of Hildegard’s sister (Agathe) and that she has died. Jutta insists that Hildegard can get past her pain by sacrificing parts of herself (“you have nothing to lose if everything’s gone”). This also begins the instruction to dig (in which the Hildegards dig their own grave to help them become whole).

Sun Song: Hand remembers her childhood fondly & running through the woods with her sister Agathe before her death. She is trying to reason with Jutta and show her that the outside world is beautiful and that they don’t have to lock themselves away (literally). Eventually, Jutta recounts her own youth. She was engaged but decided to run away from her family instead of submit to her would be husband. She and Hand sing about the freedom they experienced in the outside world.

In The Green: the talk of the outside world awakens Jutta’s own trauma (her voice overlapping with that of Shadow, the broken piece of her that holds said trauma). When she chose to run away, she was found out and raped by a man (he is familiar to Jutta, so we can assume this is her would be husband) in the garden she was running through. In the end Jutta appears both to be yelling “leave me alone” to the man in her memory and to Shadow, who she has buried away and pretends does not exist anymore. “In The Green” or “The In The Green memory” is how this memory is referred to later in the musical.

Burial: as reasoning with Jutta does not work, the Hildegards turn on her and say they will no longer help her find the light. Jutta yells back “okay, stay broken. Have it your way.” Then the Hildegards turn on each other (mostly on Hand, the one they sing “you don’t belong here” to). They blame their trauma on Eye for having seen “Agathe’s secret,” Mouth for not keeping the secret, and Hand for not helping Agathe. More foreshadowing to Confession with “Agathe’s bleeding, I am not helping.” They all individually begin to break down and, because they feel they can’t focus on Jutta’s tasks: watch, wait, and try, they fully focus on digging until...

Underground: the Hildegards’ digging unearths Shadow, a piece of Jutta that she hid away, insisting she had already become whole. Shadow holds the memory of the day Jutta was raped, and understands that the pieces of Hildegard hold similarly traumatizing memories from the day their sister died. Shadow does not want to be revealed because Jutta does not want that memory to be part of her. (Think back to The Rule when Jutta says “when I see the light, I will erase my history for good” and tell be that doesn’t make you SO SAD)

Confession: the Hildegards tell their story to Shadow. Agathe sneaks out at night to meet with a man. Hildegard is scared Agathe is going to run away with him so tells their mother. Their mother is angry (likely because their family was lower nobility & did not approve of the relationship?). Agathe gets pregnant and has no husband, so wants to get rid of the baby so she isn’t ostracized or reminded of what happened. She convinces Hildegard to come with her to find herbs by the river that will “take the swelling from her belly.” This ends up killing her while Hildegard watches in horror. This also shows us how Hildegard was broken “I shouldn’t have seen (eye), I shouldn’t have said (mouth), I shouldn’t have lead her across the river (hand).”

Sun Song Reprise: after finally talking about their trauma, the Hildegards reflect. They realize that they can’t ever be how they used to be, but they can still be alright and will carry Agathe’s memory within them. They realize they don’t have to become “whole” to fix themselves.

Light Undercover: Shadow is in awe at how they’ve overcome their memory and found “the light.” She wants them to stay with her and share their light. The Hildegards realize hiding their trauma was what truly broke them and try to get Shadow to share the in the green memory with them so they can carry the burden of it together. Shadow is adamantly against this, saying Jutta made her disappear and she is content with the light from the Hildegards. The Hildegards insist that Shadow can find her own light if she just speaks about the memory.

The First Verb: the Hildegards sing about the lessons they’ve learned and the flaws in their previous mindsets. They want to help Shadow overcome her history. Shadow sings “I saw myself inside of a dream, but with your help I can wake up, make myself scream.” Essentially to become part of Jutta again and help her.

O Viridissima Virga: another song of the real Hildegard’s! A lot of her works revolved around nature and the earth mother which is is really cool thematically with the show. In my opinion ig

Light Undercover/ In The Green reprise: The Hildegard’s continue to try and coax the light out of Shadow who finally recounts the memory (voluntarily or involuntarily I do not know).

The Ripening: Jutta, presumably faced with her history once again, is conflicted. She believes she has done everything right but she still isn’t free, the only thing she’s ever wanted. She has sacrificed her whole life to her work and yet, is still trapped in darkness. Existential. Crisis.

Forgiveness: (if I’m interpretting correctly) Jutta has died. The Hildegards feel they were too late but now reflect on the lessons they have learned once again. “You have to be broken to see light in the dark.” Presumably why Jutta could never see the light is because she insisted she was not broken anymore and buried her broken pieces away.

Integration: Hildegard takes over Jutta’s place at the monastery and teaches and helps more women heal. This song is a lot about the rest of her life! If you have a little bit of background knowledge about Saint Hildegard (I don’t have much) this probably makes a good deal more sense.

Exorcism: Hildegard is faced with a member of the family her community helped destroy. Another woman who was silenced (this time by Hildegard’s influence). Story isn’t over?

Helpful timeline & things: Hildegard was 14 when she was locked in the cell with Jutta. Jutta had already been in the cell for 6 years. They remained in it together for 30 years. The only opening was a small window through which they were delivered food.

Some parts of this are my own interpretation so it’s totally cool if you see some lyrics as meaning different things!

Also, if you have questions about any songs in particular, feel free to shoot me another ask! Hopefully this helps!



[tthankstoyou]

Hey! If I’m not mistaken, you’ve mentioned before that you’re religious and I was just curious on how that affected your sexuality acceptance and how your sexuality if in any way affected your relationship with God? As well as how the community typically has a bad rep for being homophobic? Touchy subject, please don’t answer if it makes you uncomfortable, again I just really really enjoy reading your queer related thoughts.

It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all! I'd be more than happy to share :D Thank you for being interested in my words <3333

I’m sososo grateful to have made it out of Catholic School without having any religious trauma (that I know of at least)

I was baptized Orthodox and am currently practicing that (or at least trying my best askjfak. Really hard to when there's no Serbian Orthodox churches close). BUUUT I went to Catholic school for all of pre-school, elementary school, and middle school. Since I basically grew up with the Catholic Church, I know much more about that than Orthodoxy and that played a much bigger role in accepting myself than Orthodoxy ever did.

I think having a mix of Catholicism and Orthodoxy in my life helped me create a much more personal relationship with God. While we'd be learning about Catholic practices at school, I would feel like none of it really applied to me since that wasn't my religion. I was even excluded from some lessons, like I was told to sit out when we were learning about the First Communion in the 2nd grade since in the Orthodox Church, you have your First Communion and Chrismation (Chrismation is like the Orthodox version of Confirmation) when you’re baptized. So I was able to build a relationship with God without really feeling a connection to the Church. He became more of a friend to me than anything else. And having that personal relationship with God made it really easy for myself to accept my sexuality while also loving him. Like whatever the Church said about him, I felt like it didn’t apply to me. To me, what has always been the most important teaching from God is that he loves all of his children no matter what. He made all of us exactly the way he wants us to be, including if we are gay or trans.

(When I say “Church” in here I mean specifically the Catholic Church)

And yeah, my teachers were homophobic. I was REALLY vocal about my views about everything in the 8th grade to where it got to a point where I had to be pulled out of class and told to stop talking about gay people because that’s not “What the Church believes in” but that didn’t faze me bc I didn’t care about what the Church said in the first place.

If I’m going to be honest, I found MUCH MORE trouble finding acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community while being religious. I understand that people in the community have religious trauma and their way to cope with that is to make fun of God and say blasphemous things, but that really affected me with finding people. Now I know people (on Tumblr) who are also religious and queer, but I still feel like it’s hard to meet queer people irl and talk about my love for God. In high school I tried to not be religious for a while because of how all of my queer friends constantly bashed religion, but that just made me depressed lmao.

So while I felt somewhat welcome in the Church... I didn’t feel welcome in spaces with other queer people. I was one of the few people in my middle school to go to a public high school and I vividly remember my religion teacher telling me that it will be tough to not be constantly surrounded by people who believe in God and that my faith will be tested. OH BOY I did NOT expect for it to be tested that much. I never would have guessed that people that were supposed to be apart of my community would make me feel shame for loving God. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely valid to not believe in God and share how the Church may have traumatized you!! Those are such important conversations to have. They’re really essential in the LGBTQ+ community. I just wish that people were more tolerant to those who do choose to be religious because that could EASILY turn into anti semitism, islamaphobia, etc etc

[ziracona]

What do you see happening after Josh is being rescued? Does he meet everyone of his friend eventually or some of them keep their distance? I read one of your answers about them abandoning him and honestly I don't think they didn't care at all about him, but the events were so traumatic and scary that they probably had a hard time taking into consideration that small possibility of him being alive. Plus I guess it's also part of the smooth flow of the game if it makes sense, Mike doesn't go after Jess either after he sees her falling into the mines and accuses Josh of killing her without being 100% sure that she is dead and without seeing Josh around when shit happened to her. But if I were Josh maybe I would be upset knowing they didn't come for me at all. So how would a reunion go?

That’s valid! You can interpret the lack of an interest in rescuing Josh to multiple things—that they are very sure he’s dead, if you want to be as generous as possible to them. That they think he’s probably dead and are afraid of dying too more than willing to save him, that they’re (sans Chris) too mad about the prank he pulled, etc. And I can see why people would go for any number of them. I think to me it has always read like they think he is probably dead, and the whatever he has, 30%, 20% chance? Of still being alive just isn’t enough for them to feel motivated to face very likely death to go hunting for him, especially with flamethrower dude just dead doing the same. Which makes /me/ angry, because Mike went batshit after seeing Jess wounded and dragged through a window and more trying to save her, multiple characters can kill themselves trying to save the others in the finale, etc, and I just think if you /can/ save someone who is your friend—or like, you have a shot anyway—you don’t know it is too late. You should. (& true Jess can still be alive and Mike will assume she is dead, but in his defense, so do basically all blind playthroughs she looks like she falls four stories or something while already almost dead I can’t fault Mike for assuming that was a 100% death there. Boy really tried. Whereas Josh’s vanishing from the shed is much less confirmed. There is no ‘I watched him fall’ here. Just a neither he nor his dead body were still in the shed so /something/ happened). Like I do get it, that’s a terrifying situation and not helping doesn’t = not caring, but I will hold it against characters if they don’t risk themselves to save their friends and I will be unhappy with them. Loyalty is very important to me. But it is a truly terrifying situation.

But I also get why they’d be terrified to go out there. I don’t think it makes them evil to not want to risk it till they have to, it just makes me disappointed in them. I don’t think I said I think they didn’t care about him—typo if I did, because I certainly don’t think that at all! I think Chris was traumatized and felt very sure he was dead, Ashley didn’t care (she explicitly says she thinks he deserves it and tries to stop Chris from saving him the first time), Emily doesn’t care a lot one way or another and is mostly on her own trauma right now and thinking about Matt and the awful shit she saw, that Sam does care but thinks he is probably dead and is in team mom mode and cares more about trying to keep as many friends alive as possible right now than anything else and doesn’t want to lose the others, and Mike is still pissed but also feels very bad and would prefer for Josh to make it but is also more focused on group survival and not losing anyone else since he just lost someone he loves horribly (based largely on how his reaction to the safe room scenario is either to kill Emily and feel awful but do it because he very vocally and visibly doesn’t want the others to be killed and she won’t go peacefully, and he’s terrified of losing them, or to try but not be able to because he loves Emily, and instead give the gun to the others to try to save themselves with in the event she /does/ turn). And although he’s a right coward bastard for leaving Josh if Josh gets grabbed instead of killed, down in the mines, I do think he cared about Josh. He seems truly sorry to some extent when he finds him, and does /try/ to lead him out of the mines. At the point they make the decision to go for the cable car key, I don’t think they don’t care at all, except Ashley. I just think they should care more. Although I tend to give Chris a pass because he just watched a man get beheaded, has strong reason to think Josh is dead, is injured, and spends the entire rest of the game more or less in traumatized mode quiet in the corner.

But that said I can also see why people would interpret the reactions to mean they all believe he is very dead, and mean they’re going after his corpse! I can see lots of basis in-game to interpret in quite a number of ways. And be generous to the fool kids if you want to! I /super/ hold abandoning Josh in the mines wildly against Mike, but Mike is still one of my favorite characters in the whole game. I love how flawed the cast is and that you go in hating most of them and only slowly grow to care because you don’t want them dead-dead, which keeps you there long enough to see some of their good sides. *cheff’s kiss* the great ability of the horror genre. The bar to initially invest is so low, it lets you have such a multi-faceted cast.

Okay anyway, original question! What do I see happening after Josh gets rescued and exorcised.

I think he meets up with all of them again eventually. Interesting to think from Josh’s pov how he’s going to feel. I expect to some degree he does feel abandoned, and fairly, and in RoB it is very clear he is afraid to some extent of Mike and Chris after being dragged off and tied up and left in the shed, and the things they said to him. He also /definitely/ feels massively guilty and self-blaming about all of it. He’s telling himself through Hill that no one will come for him and it’s his own fault by the final chapter. And mostly he’s just afraid of Mike and in ptsd dissociating mode by the time Sam and Mike find him. So, mixed feelings on his part I expect. Lots of fear and pain and hurt at being abandoned and so universally believed capable of murder, hurt, left to die alone in the mines. Pretty damn betrayed, and that on top of the hurt from what happened to his sisters and the inherent paranoia of paranoid schizophrenia. Hurt that they just left him. Hurt they didn’t believe him. Hurt nobody came for him until it was too late. Hurt he got betrayed again. Probably pretty miserable overall. But with that, also feels really bad about going too far and hates and blames himself intensely for everything, and I expect is also kind of not just traumatized but ashamed of what happens to him, and everyone knowing about the possession and the cannibalism. Probably he wants to lock himself in a room in the corner of a big house and never come out. But also is intensely and miserably and hopelessly lonely. Probably feels all of his friendships are likely broken beyond repair.

I don’t think they are though. Chris “I’m not your bro” six seconds later “bro are you for real?” Hartley almost dies trying to save him and wouldn’t care about the possession stuff except to be worried about him. Sam is angry and harboring some resentment, but clearly reacts to Mike reporting he is gone with regret. Mike would probably feel very guilty for leaving him and be hesitant to reconnect and then defensive doing it, but I think he cares. Jess wasn’t even there for this shit so probably she does. Same for Matt maybe? Ashley and Emily are harder to guess for. I think Ashley would be incredibly angry and resentful—I mean she wants him dead in-game, but might eventually join the others if the others got over stuff? Bc she’s also kinda a joiner? Really it’s hard to say she is a very...hair-trigger character. Volatile and intensely and massively changeable. Probably the least predictable of all. That kind of person scares me deeply in real life because I have been very backstabbed by them before. >.> But anyway hard to say. Also a lot of this depends on what ending, even assuming they all live. But I usually assume that like, Mike almost shot Em, didn’t, Matt tried to save her, Sam saw the workshop, etc ending. Emily I really don’t know. She’s a very self-reliant and hard person. She didn’t have anything very specifically for or against Josh with her experience, but wasn’t that close to him before, so I think she just kinda falls wherever she falls.

I think mostly though that they’d reconnect. Definitely Chris would jump to it, and I think Sam would too—she’s a well educated, empathetic and understanding person. She’d know he needs her. And Chris is his childhood best friend and cares the whole game. I think Mike would try to go too because of guilt, and because he’s a decent guy. Probably so would after not much time those least effected by what Josh did. I think Josh would be alone while being exorcised and probably reocvering in a hospital some after, and Chris would be the first, or Chris and Sam possibly. I think he’d be afraid to see them, and it would be complicated and messy and painful for them all, but it would be okay and sort itself out and they’d find old ground quickly. And having them there would be /incredibly/ vital to helping him recover. I think eventually he’d get back on his feet, and a lot of his old friends would be around and stay in his life. I think things would get better. I’d say the OG ExorJosh comic writer I think did a good job of guessing about what a lot of it would be like. Hard, and slow, and messy. But a lot of them care for him, and I think that would matter enough to help things get okay between them again.

[luukeskywalker]

i see so many arguments about whether or not it's okay to like jiang cheng; whether or not he's abusive, whether or not he's deserving of a "redemption" or reconciliation with wei wuxian, whether or not his actions and pain are justified, etc. and because he's such a complicated person, and because we all interpret his actions differently, we are never ever going to come to a general consensus on him.

but i'll give my take on him, because i love him, and i really don't see a lot of, uh, more lenient takes on Why He’s Like That. also i’m putting this under a readmore bc this is literally just for me i don’t think anybody else in the world wants to read this rambling hahaha

anyways!~

the man has problems. lots of them. he doesn't know how to truthfully voice his emotions outside of a frame of anger. he was not raised to be a wife like jiang yanli, he was not taught to perform emotional labor for the sake of his future spouse. he was taught that he is the next sect leader, and that emotions are both his weakness (from his mother) and his strength (from his father). he was brought up from a young age under the belief that there was always an unattainable goal placed right in front of him.

of course that's not all officially "canon", but you can easily see it if you read between the lines. you really can't take anything jiang cheng says seriously. not when he was a kid, and not when he’s an adult, either. and i don’t say this to excuse his actions, or to say that he’s necessarily justified because he had a tough childhood. everyone in mo dao zu shi had a tough childhood, he’s not special for that! but the way he was raised, in my opinion, explains a lot about who he is as a person, and how he interacts with the world around him. again: it doesn’t justify his actions. it merely explains them.

i think he’s terribly interesting. every character reacts to their traumas in different ways - lan xichen covers everything up with a gentle smile, wei wuxian cracks jokes about his own mortality, lan wangji searched out evil as often as he could to make the world a little safer - hell, even nie huaisang adapted to trauma by creating an entirely different persona so that he could gather information and plot in peace. jiang cheng’s reaction to trauma was to take that anger he grew up with, all his frustration at never being good enough, all his worry about his family, all his rage at the people who have betrayed and left him - and he turned it into armor. 

he doesn’t know how to take the armor off. after years and years (thirteen or sixteen, it’s really up to the reader, i suppose), he’s worn it so tightly that he thinks that anger is all he is. everyone else thinks so, anyways, and when have the greater masses ever been wrong in mo dao zu shi?

oh, that’s right, literally every single time. 

call me an apologist if you must but i highly doubt jiang cheng ever actually tortured and killed demonic cultivators that reminded him of wei wuxian. the only time we have ever heard that was through idle gossip, and if mo dao zu shi has taught us anything, it’s that idle gossip is never to be trusted. he tells jin ling to kill wei wuxian in the beginning, but instead he decides he wants to take wei wuxian back to lotus pier. His first instinct is to feel anger, is to lash out. and he was still angry, but can you really blame him? he’s spent so many years with the weight of his family’s death weighing on him - practically all alone - and the man he considers responsible for it shows up out of the blue one night. 

and yes, wei wuxian’s isn’t solely responsible for jiang cheng’s loss. duh. but he had a pretty big part to play in all of it, and trauma can do weird things to someone’s memories. jiang cheng may know on some logical level that his brother isn’t responsible for all of it, but years pass and pain doesn’t really fade as much as it should, and feelings and memories warp into something more easily digestible - it gives jiang cheng something to feel besides conflicting mourning. anger is where he feels safest.

and that brings me to another point - his relationship with jin ling. now, this one is a bit of a hot topic (lol). there’s, afaik, a lot of discourse around whether or not jiang cheng is abusive towards jin ling. and i do understand and see why people would think he is abusive - for all the reasons i mentioned above. he’s a traumatized man who finds comfort in anger. he’s particularly strict with jin ling when it comes to night hunts, especially during that hunt in dafan mountain. he makes threats of physical harm and is pretty much always yelling. i can see why people see these actions and label him abusive.

but i really don’t agree. he is strict with jin ling on night hunts - he’s terrified something will happen to his sister’s child, at the same time he wants jin ling to succeed. who set up all those nets for him during that hunt? clearly jiang cheng. the whole “if you can’t catch something, don’t bother coming home” line dripped with “i have said this exact phrase a million times before and i’ve never meant it” energy, as does every “i’ll break your legs” comment. jin ling himself admits it - jiang cheng has never, ever laid a hand on him! the only uncle to ever smack him around is wei wuxian. 

of course abuse is more than physical harm. but i don’t really think he abuses jin ling at all. jiang cheng really loves jin ling, he cares for that boy more than literally anything else in the world. a scene that really sticks out to me is “who made you cry?!” - he does not admonish jin ling for crying. he wants to know who made his boy upset so he can go beat them up. jin ling clearly knows he’s not in any real danger from his uncle - if he was, why the hell would be continuously disobey him and do shit that directly pisses him off? the ONE time he was truly afraid of going back to jiang cheng was because he’d lied and disobeyed jiang cheng’s direct order. sure he wouldn’t be like, beaten for that, but he’d been nervous as all hell at koi tower, and i’d personally attribute that behavior to guilt. he knew he’d done a bad thing, but he’d done it anyways. 

this post is really insanely long so i’m just gonna try and wrap it up here: jiang cheng is a really complicated and fucked up dude. i get why people don’t like him but i don’t really agree with the sentiment. he’s fucked up and crazy and so is everyone else in mdzs, he’s just the most vocal about it. call all of this fanon if you want, idc, it’s just how i’ve perceived his character after experiencing mo dao zu shi like five times in different formats. his anger is his protection, because nobody else is gonna protect him. he tries to use it to protect jin ling, but to anyone who isn’t jin ling, it comes off as overtly harsh. love languages are hard to understand sometimes. jiang cheng’s love language is more complicated than the entirety of the fucking homestuck shipping chart.

if anyone has even read all of this, why, why did you decide to do that, also thank you? please don’t fight with me on this my mind will not be changed lol

[msucal]

howdy hey! i’m clem and i’m the mun of kangmin cal lee! 1/2 of the junior prefects in geumseong and your president of the transfiguration club!! i’m super glad to be here with my baby and i can’t wait to plot with you all!! i’ll leave some facts about him as well as plots under the cut!!! if you want to ever hit me up, my twitter is @hclywould and my discord is iloveyeonjun#2510!! otherwise, like this post and i’ll hit you up to plot!!!

ABOUT CAL

born in jeju-do and lived there until he turned around 8 to 9 years old to two muggles / no-majs. 

moved to california (haha) do to more family opportunities there. not only that, but they wanted to see how he would do in a new country!!! he goes by the name calvin. 

funny enough, not too long after they got him into school, he discovered his magic and started getting weird looks from other kids in his school because of it! pretty soon, they all started rumors about him and he felt very alone there

after they got him out of that school in hopes of trying to figure out what was wrong with their song, a wizard from the school of ilvermorny stops by their houses and helps give his famiy information on who cal is and about the school. wanting the best for him, they enrolled him into the school. 

wonderful! he’s in an environment surrounded by other people like himself! surely that means that he’ll be in a better mental state, right? not quite. thanks to the fact he revealed that his parents who are no-majs, a group of kids at ilvermorny started picking on him because of that. so much so that they pranked him and essentially humiliated him in front of the entire year if not the entire school. the leader essentially traumatized him enough that it becomes his boggart. 

desperate to move back home, cal goes to his headmaster and asks if there’s possibly a school of magic he can transfer to in south korea. they find one in the city of seoul, talk to his parents about it, and moved back there!!! and there, he worked his damned hardest to excel in magic (except in herbiology teehee) to prove that he was more than just a muggleborn wizard and that his magic is his own. 

around this time, he also decided to go by the nickname cal, half of his english name so that he could remember all the pain he went through and use it as motivation to work hard. trying to make something better out of it!!!

enrolled into mokseong (house geumseong haha house pride) with outstanding grades with a transfiguration major and a minor in muggle history.

has been trying to succeed more and more ever since. that’s why he’s a prefect and the president of the transfiguration club!!!

personality wise? easygoing and charming!!! will try to find a way into your heart, platonically or not! will tease you just to get closer and make u laugh (or be pissed w him he is not afraid) 

very intelligent and analytical. he wants to learn a LOT and in some situations, it’ll just be him being nosy bc he wants to know more about a person. 

though he’s always trying to be a good role model, if u mess with him, he will prank u!!!!

outside of campus, you’ll usually find him at madame menageries, asking madam about what she knows about each class and information about students ... sometimes at joyful jokes because prankster 

PLOTS!

with depth 

you are his rival! you essentially cannot stand him because of the fact that he’s gotten more achievements than you. no matter who you are and what your family is, you try to find a reason to doubt whether his achievements were earned for him. and a part of you is still trying to find something to be better at than him. (0/1) 

cal is secretive when it comes to talking about his past, but he seems to be open about investigating others and wondering about theirs. it’s almost to the point where you want to do the same to him, not only because it’s bothering you how he does it carefree to others, but because you are genuinely so curious about his reasons. he finds it charming that you wish to know more about him, but he finds it annoying how insistent you are. (0/1) 

cal should’ve been more aware of who he was throwing pranks on because the moment he threw that he threw a dungbomb at you and he saw the way you react, he knew it was over for him. and though he tries to act all buddy-buddy with you about everything, you still want to get back at him for such a childish act!!! (0/1) 

in contrast to the last four plots, this plot is more adoring of cal. you admire him and his resilience as well as how hardworking he is. you do recognize that sometimes he can be a bit much, but you can’t help but feel as if he’s someone to look up to!! you don’t even have to be close to him to know that he’s wonderful!!! (underclassman to junior, 0/1) 

while cal dares not to play the sport, he has a fascination over quidditch. specifically, how the players act with it. though not a player, he is a fan and he is willing to give advice to people who are new to the game or are now taking an interest in it. dare he say it, he’ll be face paint kid and even give you a test to see how well you know it. (0/1) 

transfiguration is your weakness and you wish to improve on it. why not go to the help of the transfiguration president? he’s always willing to help those who struggle at what he’s best at. (0/1) 

having muggle parents and essentially “lived” as a muggle for part of his childhood, you wish to know more about his experience as living in that environment. whether you wish to share similar experiences or learn more about it for an assignment, you go to the young geumseong student for help. (0/1) 

though cal is essentially easygoing and carefree, he is still a prefect and will hold that responsibility. so if you’re a troublemaker geumseong student, even if he’ll sometimes tag along with your mischief, know that you will be given a warning from him. (0/1) 

you want to dye your hair a new color and you go to him, a colovaria master, to ask him for advice on which color you should try and if he can put that color on you!! just to be safe!!! (0/1) 

though he’s very vocal about how he is proud of being in geumseong (esp bc of professor aurora song saying she’d be in that house), he does like hanging out with hwaseong students. specifically you because you’re his partner in crime when it comes to pranks! yes you both frequent joyful jokes together. (0/1) 

EX PLOTS!! it’s very clear that cal is the charming type and he’s even charmed his way into some people’s hearts~ but of course, love isn’t primarily his main focus now. so naturally, he’s gotten with a few people and you could’ve gone for a few months, but one’s thing for sure is that there’s reasons as to why you are split, heavy or not. (1/2) 

OTHER, NONSPECIFIC PLOTS! 

freshmen he can call freshies, but in an endearing way... even if you are annoyed or honored. 

fellow quidditch fans!!!!

prefects!!! esp upperclassmen who like doting on him (or teasing him... he’ll take either) 

in contrast to that ^ upperclassmen who don’t really like him that much 

fellow members of his extracurriculars!!! transfiguration (haha flex), duelling, ancient ruins, magical creatures, and defense against the dark arts!!!

if you are in magical creatures, please pull him away from the niffler bc he’d probably try to baby it even though IT’S A CREATURE!!! THAT CAN STEAL HIS MONEY!!!

ilvermorny alumni!! even though he attended one year!! maybe y’all can bond about your houses

he’ll also bond with hogwarts alumni, but he’ll make fun of your accents. 

bilingual, so go to him if you need help speaking either korean or english!!! or even if you want to speak konglish to him. 

bubble tea friend!! or really, people who just like madam. he loves madam. 2nd mom. 

more to come when i get a brain to think fo more!!! 

[stray-tori]

Code Geass Movie Thoughts

Me, in 2016 in an amv description:

*deep breath* CODE GEASS WILL GET A SEQUEL. And I just realized this is my first code geass amv, how did I manage to not do one for so long?? [...] Like, I was so hyped about the news about the sequel, I just had to put all that hype somewhere.

Also me: doesn’t watch the movie until mid 2020

- [Spoiler warning, duh]

BUT I DID FINALLY! My affection for Code Geass as a whole died down a lot, I came to realize that I don’t really enjoy these grand political shows with huge casts all that much. But I used to really like Code Geass back in the day, it was one of my firsts and as such, I have attachment to at the very least CC, Suzaku and Lelouch.

Either way, here’s my thoughts:

This movie feels like a fanfic and I mean that in a good way for like 60% it. The fact that it feels like that is probably due in large parts that it builds onto the largely popular theory that the cart driver was Lelouch and he got a code. Now I’m not saying that it’s bad, because I (unsurprisingly) enjoy fanfics. But there was something inherently weird about a concept that I did in my fanfic back in the day (Lelouch trauma, basically) being in animated form. I enjoyed that, weirdly. It was like a fan-endorsement - and maybe that’s all this movie is.

I am very much for the whole empty traumatized trope because I enjoy angst. I was actually kind of disappointing that once he got his mind back, there was nothing left of that. Dude’s been through some shit, he got killed for the first time. Surely that hurt. Surely that was traumatizing. It’s not fun to die, I’d imagine. But I can accept that.

World of C however, oh boyyy -- everything to do with the World of C is bullshit. It always was in CG former and it is now as well. And not only that, but the movie would have worked fine without it which upsets me more. I don’t understand why it’s there - Lelouch CAN be traumatized. He won’t be as empty but dude’s been through shit. He can be traumatized and have nightmares and aim around aimlessly with C.C. - if you really want to you could still have that whole mind thing and have him regain it but you could literally remove the C World scenes after that and it would still work, I think, maybe you’d have to repurpose some conversations but it seems do-able to me on first watch. I’m also not sure why there’s suddenly another Code but I guess we never had it be a limit of only 2 codes.

The concept of a time traveler being on the enemy’s side is really interesting, I greatly enjoyed that. I’m not entirely sure what the whole stick with her brother was, but I assume it was in part a connection to Nunnally and Lelouch from the sibling dynamic to the wheelchair thing. I think her power is truly terrifying since she can never actually die. Sure C.C. is immortal, but she gets to move on if she wants to - she on the other side is doomed to reset back in time eternally, reseting any progress in relationships or goals (except if she can die without activating her geass), not that it matters now.

The animation and art is very clean though, it looks crisp! BUT what’s with the weird glittery imagery in the World of C (that one kind of traditional/sketchy looking animation segment was MWAHHH though) and whAT’S WITH THE COLOR DOGE ON WHITE BG, CAMERA-TURNING SPASM DURING SUZAKU’S FIGHTING WITH LELOUCH. I WAS LAUGHING???

Me commenting on the ending was basically: CC leaves alone: Me, on a call with a friend: I don’t like this Faint Lelouch calling for her: I LIKE THIS CC: Did I forget something? Me: “ME” Lelouch says he’ll come with her Me: basically keysmashing in vocal form, being ecstatic that I called it Them talking about how he can’t go around being Lelouch Me: “L.L.” time Lelouch: LL Me: ok this is weird but I love it

I was gushing very hard inside, but it felt peak fanfic haha. I DON’T MIND. Because that was ecstatic and I’m very glad that they can go on their Inuyasha-esque “Geass Shard” Hunt now. I feel fluffy. All I needed from this movie was the beginning and ending bc I’m trash haha.

I give it a good fanfic but it’s an official release/10

[chipster-21]

Sorry this is so long, but I need to say it.

I feel for the poor actress who will be playing Jughead's uhhh... what was it, trainwreck-y hipster girlfriend lol she'll just end up like Vanessa was when she was introduced. Getting death threats and hate from fans for no reason other than "ruining" Bughead. Which is insane bc it's a fictional ship from a show ANYONE can stop watching whenever they want if they don't like it. Even though she'll probably be an interesting character (again how Toni started our before she got with Cheryl) Her character description sounds intentionally toxic (even though the character will probably have a wilder fun personality than most on the show which would be actually interesting seeing as most of them have the personality of a box of stale wheat thins (a nod to the terrible army of writers for Riverdale)) AKA set up for a failure already and fans of Betty will obviously compare the two and a huge setup to see that Betty is perfect for Jughead. Despite the cheating and lying about said cheating.

At least IF Jug and his new gf break up have her with Reggie, poor bastard was shockingly single, Veronica callously dumped him for Archie's traumatized ass, was abused and none of his friends cared and most of all his crappy tickle porn storyline that came out of nowhere! And that was just in the last 2 seasons. Reggie deserves love damnit!

Don't even get me started on Veronica's new hubby, out of character for her to be with someone as borderline mysogynistic guy, she's too strong for a relationship like that considering her clear and vocal distaste for mysogynist presented clearly at least 4 times every season. A setup to get her and Archie back together, not that I mind bc I'm a fan of the couple.

Or here's a crazy idea bring in some new characters from the comics the show was based on! There are so many!! With various ethnicities Nancy Woods, Raj Patel, Frankie Gonzalez and Maria Rodriguez! Just to name a few w/ fun personalities besides the bland core four overdone storylines! And this whole 5 to 7 year gap is perfect to set up new characters from the comics in high school, give Jellybean a high school mystery with a new group! These original characters are boring, transparent and dusty as hell...

But despite all this obvious lack of thought into this new season I will be watching or at least receiving a plethora of spoilers to see if the writers actually listened to fan and actors complaints and make some positive changes. I enjoy MOST of the show when it's not focused on the crooked plotline and stilted dialogue.

[waitingforminjae]

Have you ever read the lyrics for Shinee's You & I or Key's I Will Fight? Key wrote them and it just hits me in my Jongkey feels.. You can tell how much he loved him and meant to him just from the lyrics. Taemin sounds like Jjong in parts of You & I it which is sad but beautiful in its own self cuz Tae admired Jonghyun so much and probably was influenced by him vocally. Onew also has a note in You & I that I could have sworn was Jjong.

Taemin really does sound so much like Jonghyun, it’s uncanny. It’s haunting when he covers his parts in songs tbh. 

I’m gonna stick the rest of this under a read more (that will hopefully work) bc I do have thoughts abt those songs, but they’re gonna be rambly and probably go between being objective and not objective, so.

[You & I Lyrics] [I Will Fight Lyrics]

First of all, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how sincere art is the purest form of expression. I believe art is our way of expressing things that we don’t have simple words for. That’s why it moves us, how it connects us together. Why it’s so beautiful, so precious, and so important. I think these songs are good examples of that.

The power of these songs is in their intimacy. They’re not for us. They’re to Jonghyun, and for Key and SHINee. I’m gonna try to respect SHINee’s privacy and not psychoanalyze or speculate about things to much, but I think it’s safe to say that they went through a traumatic experience in the public eye, and then they had to process it in the public eye as well. So, while fans are witnesses to these songs, they are not necessarily for us. That’s important to remember.

But, objectively speaking, both of these songs are absolutely breathtaking. They’re masterpieces, from a writing point of view. Which is how I’m going to try and talk about them, because I think the intimate nature of their meaning speaks for itself, and I don’t think it’s right to speculate abt it further.

The chorus in You&I is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I think I’ve ever come across, honestly. “My heart isn’t just a decoration” is honestly devastating. Especially bc it’s delivered in such a soft way. The speaker of the song isn’t angry. They’re just being honest. It makes me think of the people who accused them of trying to use Jonghyun for clout. It’s a reminder that everything we talk about, SHINee actually experienced it. They’re the ones having to live with it. They’re real people, not just some abstract thing for us to talk about and dissect.

Honestly, the whole song is full of just really good phrases. Like, “flowers of space” is a really interesting combinations of images, and as a reader, I feel like even though it’s strange I can still see it perfectly. I do think of flowers as blooming outward, and so the simile to the words spilling out makes sense. It’s memorable. And the “handful of memories”. God. That’s just so so so gorgeous. I wish I could write like that. The “annyeong, annyeong, annyeong” makes me think of Jonghyun’s “annyeong, annyeong” in Elevator. And the line, “I’ll let you go now, but don’t think you’re just stepping over me.” GOD. The idea that the subject of the song think of the speaker as trivial, the idea that the speaker thinks the subject thinks of them as trivial, hurts so much. It’s a colloquial phrase too, which lends to that sense of intimacy I talked about earlier. But, yeah. Beautiful. So beautiful.

And I Will Fight. God. Well, first of all, if you aren’t familiar with Vinxen, I would recommend checking him out. He’s the perfect choice to feature on this song.

The lines that hit me hard were “I’m gonna be your light, so don’t be hurt anymore, I will live for you, for us,” and “the pages you couldn’t finish, I will write them,” and “I will make it so that you can find the you that you didn’t know tooA mirror of a shining me and fight for you, for us...”.

For me, this song is about the passage of time, which can be scary to think about. There’s nothing the speaker can do about the past, so all he can do is keep moving forward. He wants to keep living for this person, he knows he has to keep living, but he’s scared of how the memories will fade. Which is a deeply personal conflict, and so everything abt the lyrics are deeply personal, so I don’t really feel like discussing them to much. Because, like I said, the lyrics aren’t for us.

Anyway the tl;dr is that they’re beautiful songs that I love and only wish I could be able to write!

[workingchemistry]

34, 37, 40, and 43 please!!! If I may ask, with Omega!Jason? Thanks!

34. How would they react to an ex showing up?

This one’s a toughie. I don’t think omega Jason really has many ex relationships. The ones that went far enough to be a relationship I think he’s still on good terms with bc they were friends beforehand. BUT I think he has gone undercover and dated a few nasty alphas while trying to get dirt on them bc of course the soft omega Wayne who’s been so sheltered from the public eye above suspicion. He’s too coddled to do more than read books and look pretty. With those alphas, they’re probably locked away, but if he were to meet them he would either get very cold or high key avoid them. He’s not a huge fan of direct conflict in his personal life, hence the hood and separation of Red Hood. He will blow up if pushed too far.

I like to imagine that his alpha (Roy? Maybe, probably. I’m slowly being converted) is very possessive. S/he does NOT like the idea of that knothead even blinking in Jason’s direction. There’s lots of alpha posturing and scentmarking and cuddling their omega and bring their omega food from the tables bc LOOK HOW MUCH BETTER THEY PROVIDE FOR JASON. I mean, that behavior in real life? Toxic. You don’t need that. But in ABO fic? *Chef kiss*

Jason is equally possessive over his mate, but he also has such low self esteem and cares for them so much, that he always convinces himself that they would be happier and healthier without him.

37. Describe one reunion after time apart.

Jason was sent to Hong Kong to help Cass. It’s been a long, long three months. There was no communication allowed. They were deep undercover. He and Cass fly back in a Wayne Private Jet. They’re supposed to meet Bruce for supper and debrief, but Jason is tired. He wants his mate and his nest and their pup. Lian’s probably forgotten him already. She was only nine months when he left.

Roy is waiting there when he gets off the jet and Lian manages to toddle straight to him and Jason clings to them both and denies all tears. They all go out to Dinner with Grandpa Bruce and then Roy makes sure Jason knows just how much he missed him with lots and lots of cuddles.

40. Describe their first time (if any).

So. I ascribe to the headcanon that Jason was prostituted as a child. I think his first time with that was horribly traumatizing, but at least the guy cared enough about him to make sure he wasn’t hurt.

But, I also ascribe to the philosophy that it has to be consensual or it doesn’t count. You have to freely give sex in order for it to be sex. So. I think his first time, Jason is scared. He’s never had real sex before and he’s not quite sure what it’s going to be like. But maybe it’s Kara and she’s built him a nest just the way he likes it, even though it’s not his heat she wanted him to feel safe and that means the world to him. She kisses him and holds him and goes so slow. The whole night is about him and if something makes him tense up, or freeze, or even just feel maybe a little iffy, she stops. She doesn’t make him justify it, doesn’t push to see if he’s sure. She just checks in to make sure he’s okay and see if he needs something in particular. And after, once they’re knotted together, she just bathes him in affection. He’s well groomed and sated. And sure, he’s still not super into sex, he’d rather a good sandwich y’know, he’s not scared of it either.

43. Would they have any kids? If so, describe.

Ahhh. I really really love the idea of Jason just hoarding small children. Maybe he has a litter of pups, more probably he just pops in to his, Roy’s and Lian’s apartment with a new kid he found on the street and is like “yeah. We’re gonna foster again.” And Roy just sighs and gets out the extra bedding.

But I think in all honestly, Jason and Roy would make really good foster parents. They would be so devoted to their kids and would stay close/go to their games and events etc even after they’re adopted out. I think there’s one little alpha girl though who can’t speak. She lost her vocal cords and her parents during a Joker attack. I think Jason intends to foster her until she feels safe with a family, but he can’t let her go. And she can’t let him go. So eventually, after Roy sits him down and says “I really think we should adopt her.” That Jason freaks out bc he’s done okay with Lian, but this is a second small human that will depend on him forever. And he begrudgingly goes to Bruce for advice and slowly their relationship starts to finally clear away the last of the rot.

And then six months after the adoption is finalized, whoops. They’re pregnant.

[benevolentscars]

🎶 💕 🏳‍🌈 ? :3c

hgfhfgh thank u for sending this!!!

~

I don’t normally talk about my linkin park hyperfixation because it’s deeply intertwined with my experiences of depression and fighting suicide and dealing with those I love fighting suicide. please please don't read if you don't feel up for it or read in chunks at your own pace. 

~🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?Obiv this is for my Linkin Park hyperfix -----It LITERALLY changes every time I go to listen to LP… today it was Little Things you Give Away for a good moment, but everything from they’re more famous songs In the End, Breaking the Habit, New Divide, ect ect I love and down to their more underground songs Blackbirds, she couldn't, and god the entire one more light album still hits fresh bc it doesn't have the “ive listened to this album for 5+ years” backbone that all the other albums and demos have. Especially love the reanimated album’s remix krwlng. In Between just came on rn and hell yeahghfhh fucking hell is that song good too. its easier to say which songs I DON’T like, which are I’m luke warm on High Voltage, the one song I know DJ Hann was the main composer of, which I feel a little bad about but that song just doesn’t hit for me.

real quick because this is absolutely connected to LP, Mike Shinoda’s music is fucking baller, from Fort Minor to his little-known/scattered remixes (He has a Gold Gun Girls remix that is beyond fascinating to me bc both the original and his version I absolutely love but they’re both so different and so similar at the same time? He really managed to get the heart of the song without it being the song which is something that still confounds me to this day). His Post Traumatic album in response to Chester’s death hits like a vengeful mountain. “What the Words meant” just... woof. For honorary mentions from the One More Light LP album: Battle Symphony, No One can Save me Now, Talking to Myself, HEAVY, Halfway Right, and Invisible hit fucking hard too.

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

For LP, both Chester and Mike have been huge inspirations to me, when I first got into them when I was 12 I named my first bunny after Chester (without realizing it). Them as people inspired me incredibly so---I watched all the LP Live behind the scenes recordings they did for fans during the tours and it really shows how happy and cheerful and loving they are with each other. One of my most powerful memories is whatever doc or video it was where they talked about after their first album they literally all cold turkey stopped drinking and smoking because they wanted to be better influence than influences were for them growing up. Most of the other band members were not as vocal/performative for the cameras and I know very little about them. I know Hann opened a toy store or something along those lines and none of it really appealed to me to delve further. They all seem to be incredibly kind people.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

For LP I don’t, in fact I’m very glad my entire “fandom” experience for LP was on youtube and I didn’t even know people shipped them together and thought of them as characters in that sense until I was older. Chester is very vocal about his past trauma's and the depression he suffered through his entire life and I’m not quiet about how much of his flavor of depression I resonate with. Every single song, every single breakdown, line, it echos words Ive said in other phrases in and out of my life. When I was 12 and got into them I just blindly appreciated the music but after relistening to them after 10+ years through this depression I feel like I understand what he went through more than I have any right to have confidence to say. A part of me believes that mike helped him with assisted suicide because I too came very close to seeking out assisted suicide (big fuck you to that post of “this person with chronic pain killed themselves via assisted suicide lets all romanticize how good and nice their death was while glossing over the fact she was very much an older person and that same message does not and should not translate to younger people who are suffering because there are more answers from medical and technology fields that can and should help them be happy with their life). It also fits with a few of mikes lines where mike feels like hes made the wrong decision, he just wants to know if what hes done is right and no one has his back (one song on the post traumatic album but I listen to that album on loop so the individual lines are a blur). Also I don’t really have an answer for how he could help produce OML album otherwise. I cant imagine reading those and singing along with those lyrics without knowing it. I feel like his “what the words meant” song has a half truth theme going on. The main message of that song that only those who been through that kind of suffering can understand chesters lyrics and message is the more sincere theme of that song. Linkin Park is so important to me, The strength Chester had to fight his depression to live to his 50s when I don’t think I would have made it to my 30s without TMS--which only got FDA cleared in 2016. His death in 2017 leaves a strong pain that he probably was unknowing of the treatment. The Strength Mike has for being Chesters friend with him thick and thin and having his back and wanting so desperately to help him through it and not to suffer, something I also resonate with for topics I don’t feel going into detail of.

I’m so sorry if this all hits hard. its very hard for me to talk about LP bc of how interconnected it is with rough topics.

[franeridart]

dude your recent demon & angel kiribaku art reminds me a little bit of aziraphale and crowley from good omens!! like aziraphale would be angrier as baku obvs but still i thought of it and it made me happy lol

A lot of people have mentioned that in the tags/under the post and that makes me!!! super happy!!!! Good Omens is one of my fav books and Crowley one of my fav characters, so the comment feels nice! I wasn’t specifically thinking about them when drawing it, but possibly a bit I was influenced anyway!! I wonder if what made everyone think about them was Kiri’s sunglasses? It’s not noticeable but I did give him glowing eyes too after all haha

Anon said:Have you ever thought about how op a TodoBakuDeku fusion would be? (if they could stay together that is lol!)

Never thought of it tbh, but at this point I’m pretty sure with a lot of work on Baku’s part they’d be able to stick together long enough! He wouldn’t find it comfortable but they’d def be one of the strongest three-people-fusions in the class - not the strongest, tho, since they all have the same sort of straightforward offensive power when it comes to their quirks, I think I could find three people who’d make a stronger fusion... Baku Kiri and Momo, for example, would be even more impressive imho! Since all their quirks cover a different field, and their minds/personalities mesh well enough to have the right amount of planning and instinctive reaction/self-preservation and safety of others/pride and self-doubt/lawfulness and chaotic acting and so on. Even just as a team, without counting them as a fusion, I think they’d make one of the most balanced ones! Compared to that putting Todo Deku and Baku in the same place is just a recipe for disaster more often than not haha

Anon said:no, i move slow, I wanna stop time, I'll sit here til I find the,, inspiration to draw,,,,,,

LMAO it’s a song about art block after all, I feel every word in it a whole damn lot hahaha

Anon said:Art block or no art block, I love everything you come up with 💜

AW HECK ANON you’re so sweet!!! Thank you so much!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Mixing thei hero names? So uuuh King Riot?

We still don’t know Baku’s hero name, so anything might be, really! It’s why I didn’t outright have Kiri mention any idea, I got no clue myself where he was going with it haha it’d be cool if his hero name were Ground Zero, because it’d mix well with Red Riot imho (Red Zero or Ground Riot or Red Ground, they all sound nice!) but what if Baku’s hero name ends up just being Katsuki, after all? How do you mix that with Red Riot? (the answer is Red Victory, or Akatsu!! from akai (red) + katsu !! ngl I’ve thought about this a lot lmao) anyway so many possibilities so little known facts!

Anon said:I love the details on Kiri and Baku's skin. Great job!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Anon said:!!!!!!!!!! fran oh my god your zine piece is so beautiful!!!!!!!

Sob thank youuu!!!! I’m glad you liked it!!!! ;O;

Anon said:i just got my zine and the art and writing was so lovely, i loved your comic at the end. an amazing way to end the zine♡

THANK YOU!!!! I’m jelly, I still haven’t gotten mine ;O; I hope the comic was easy to read even in printed form, I’ve been worried about that for months hahaha rip at least there’s the pdf

Anon said: i’m in love with your kiri bday art!!!! with the colorless art like that, are we allowed to color it? of course no posting it, but just for fun.

If you promise not to post it, I’m cool with it! Thank you for liking it enough to want to do that!!! Seriously tho don’t post it if you do

Anon said:Can you draw more kamisero? g u d q u a l i t y s h i p ma' dude.

Maybe? Currently it really isn’t between my top priorities but who knows

Anon said:FRANNNNN!!!! Your comic for the Take My Hand zine!!!! I'm gonna cry! It's so beautiful and the boys are so perfect! Your art is so amazing, I was so thrilled to see your piece. Not to mention the detail you put in. Their hands killed me! With Bakugou's palms and Kiri's arms! Ugh, I just can't, I love it so much.

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE HANDS it’s weird bc that one panel is probably my fav in the comic and I was so sure no one was gonna really notice it but!! So many people did!!!!! It makes me so happy oh man ;O;

Anon said:Hey coulda maybe make a traitor Kaminari comic?

Nope! No traitor arts here, sorry! SInce I don’t believe any of the theories to the point of finding them outright laughable, any art I could ever make about it would just come out looking either fake or ridiculous and no one wants to see that lmao

Anon said:your take my hand comic!!! it's so good!! thank you for doing the boys so well ;;;

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOUUUU!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I don't know if you remember, but a couple months ago I asked if it'd be okay for me to write something based on a few of your art pieces. Would that still be alright? Your art is gorgeous and makes my brain think and brings joy to me all the time ^^ would absolutely link to the art and credit you. that's not even a question :)

That still depends on which art you’re specifically talking about! And thank you so much for the compliment!!

Anon said:I don’t know if you read fan fiction, but I have one to suggest to you! It’s called, “It’s Obvious When You Lie”. Only three chapters are out so far, but it’s really good!

I’ll add it to my marked for later list then!! Thank you so much for the rec, I don’t easily try out ongoing fics so this was very nice of u!!!

Anon said:In the body switch AU Todoroki sees how fucked up Midoriya feels around Bakugou('s body?) and realizes wow fuck this guy has traumatized my bf. I wonder what I can do to fuck w/ him so the day before they switch back (So Bakugou can't do much in retaliation) he takes Bakugou's body and does the stupidest bullshit ever as revenge

HECK anon sorry but nothing like this would happen ever as long as I’m the one writing the AU! For three main reasons! One, I don’t think Deku is traumatized at all! His relationship with Baku at the moment is actually pretty damn neat and on equal footing, you go you two, growing so much!! Two, Baku and Todo are friends!!! And Todo would never be a dick to Baku instead of just talking to him, if he had a problem with him!! Three, even if one and two weren’t true, Deku has no need for knights in shining armor fighting his battles for him!! He’s a strong independent boy and if he hasn’t fought Baku over this it’s probs cause he doesn’t want anyone to fight him over it!!! Also in this specific AU Todo and Deku aren’t dating, so the scenario doesn’t work for me! Sorry!

Anon said:Have you ever thought about krbk wedding?

I have! And I’ve talked about it on here a few times too! Lately I’ve been thinking about it again tho, from a designs point of view, because!! There’s that very neat post going around tumblr about that wedding photos in which one of the two grooms has a white tux with a cape, and I’ve been thinking about a variation of it for Kirishima’s wedding suit :0 something red instead of white, but generally similar! It’s a lot of effort to draw it so I still haven’t, but yeh!!

Anon said:Hello! I read this fic about your cat comics and the author said to send you some love in their end notes so here is some well-deserved love: your art is beautiful! It's why I became interested in BakuShima and I would not have loved these characters as much if it weren't for you. You also seem to be a very nice person, your mind is beautiful and I am glad you exist

G O DS this is such a nice ask!!!! thank you so so much!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Non chiedo una risposta a questo messaggio, anzi. Volevo solo dirti che trovo la tua arte FANTASTICA, e non sai quanto i tuoi comic e tutto il tuo lavoro mi ha strappato più di un sorriso in brutti momenti. Sapere che sei italiana mi ha fatto totalmente impazzire. Continua così, hai del talento vero. E grazie!

NUHHHH GRAZIE A TE PER ESSERE COSI’ GENTILE OMFG !!!!!!!!!! ;A;

Anon said:Okay okay okay! I adore your art! Could you maybe... draw some KiriBaku fantasy? If it’s not too much to ask! It can be as simple as can be! Your art is just really cute!

Yes I can and yes I will!!! Definitely and in the near future, did you know one of the app games JUST revealed a fantasy wolf Baku as a special halloween chara?? It’s just fantasy Baku with wolf ears and tail, but he’s adorable and I’ve been wanting to draw him since I saw him this morning ;O; so cute!

Anon said:Pssst. Singer Baku, Guitarist Kami, and Drummer Kiri. A good hc if I do say so myself.

It IS a great thought!! Drummer Kiri and Singer Baku have always been a weakness of mine too, so heck!! What a good image! If we put Jirou on bass and vocals too and sero on keyboard and mina on guitar, you make my fav band right then and there hahaha

Anon said:I'm not in the BNHA fandom at the moment but your art still continues to give me the warm fuzzies

GODS ISN’T THIS A NICE ASK!! I’m happy I can make you enjoy even characters you’re not specifically into! Thank you so much for sticking around!!!! ;O;

Anon said:i just got into bnha and fell in love with your art, started going through your sketch tag, and then realize that youre the person who made a bunch of haikyuu comics i loved a while ago so im! very glad to rediscover your stuff!!

HOLY GODS THAT’S NEAT!!! Welcome back!!!! ;O;

Anon said:I love it when you draw kiri with his hair down 💕💕💕 so good, so pure 💕💕💕💕

Oh boy thank you!! ;O; he’s so much easier to draw with his hair spiked for me, knowing people like the way I draw his hair when down means a whole damn lot!! 

Anon said:Hello! First I love your account and artwork! Second will you ever be drawing Mako and Taiyou again? They are so adorable! Also Bakugou and Kirishima seems like amazing dad's!

Thank you!!! And yes I will! I have another ask around here asking about them, so maybe soon! Just gotta find the right idea to draw, I got a bunch but they’re all way too long for my curret attenton span level sadly hahaha rip

Anon said:lmaaaaooo my boi kaminari be having an emotional awakening

Kaminari is like, he’s always somewhere subconsciously known that Baku’s objectively pretty, but since he knows him so well and he’s always around him and most of the times they’re bickering and making fun of each other he’s never actually realized, so now he’s like oh, NOW I see it hahaha

Anon said:hi u probably get this enough but I wanted to give u all my appreciation for ur art thank u for sharing it with us I love everything u post ♡♡♡

THANK YOU!!!! It might be greedy of me but this sorta asks are never enough for me, so seriously thank you for taking your time to drop by and be so nice!!!

Anon said:Could you please draw more of the body swap au? Or what if a different pair of students were to switch?

I’m not gonna draw any other switch with other students, because before settling on Baku and Todo I went through a lot of possibilities and came to the conclusion that nothing would be as funny as Baku and Todo switched are (or at least nothing Horikoshi hasn’t already done himself lmao) so there’s that. I might draw more of them switched, but to be honest with you the only idea with that concept I have right now is Bakugou forgetting he’s suddenly taller and continuously walking into things around the dorms, so there’s that as well hahaha