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letsdiscoverkitty · 3 years

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Treatment/Recovery Update - May 2021

Okay, I will try to ramble less in this one (so sorry!) ^ well that didn't happen!

In terms of when I did leave hospital, as I mentioned a tiny bit in the last post, my EDP was completely AWOL. A month before I was due to be discharged she came to a meeting with myself and my consultant, during which we set up 4 appointments that would be over zoom before I was discharged to help with relapse prevention and the transition home, as well as setting out, in principle, the therapeutic support that I would be getting once home...it all sounded great, so great. But as usual when it comes to my team, it was too good to be true (should have called it). I attempted to contact her when our appointments never happened but I kept being met by a brick wall; no one knew what was happening, all I got told was that she was "off"... Time passed and I was discharged with only a phone call booked in from someone from the general team to check I was safe a few days later (it was literally 5 minutes, long if that) and an appointment to do physical monitoring the next wee....a far cry from the original discharge plan *sigh* Coming home was a bit of a whirlwind. We were approaching Christmas but we were still under a lot of restrictions with COVID, so it was a very strange/messy/weird few weeks.

Time continued to pass and there was still no confirmation around therapy or support, even the ED team didn't know what was happening with L, I just continued to go to two weekly physical monitoring. In the end, with nowhere else to turn, I contacted my consultant from hospital. To say that she was mad that nothing had been in place/I had no support would be an understatement and I thank my lucky stars that she was able to get involved. It took a couple of weeks but I finally had my first session with a therapist in February. In total it took about 8-9weeks from discharge to see someone, which, well, was hard.

Upon reflection, I think one of the biggest things I struggled with with coming home was that I had literally no leave to practice beforehand. This meant that I unfortunately slipped back into old habits very quickly as, well I know it is no excuse but coming back to the same environment your brain easily slips into automatic mode and you find yourself doing what you "used" to do without realising it.

I was in, I would say, quite a vulnerable state when I left hospital (the last few months there were pretty rocky to say the least) and the day before I was discharged (as I mentioned in a previous post somewhere) I was handed 3 different, very conflicting, meal plans and the nutritionist who had previously been very horrible to me and who had been away for a number of weeks, told me that she did not think I could continue to recover at home and that the best possible case would be if I only lost a bit of weight over the next 6 months....I think you can probably guess how badly this was taken and how messy my mind was. So with 3 meal plans in hand, none of which I had practiced, with little to no support from the ED team, I was, essentially, crisis managing, simply trying to get through each day.

I know, I know. Classic kitty - stuck record. failure. mess. making a million and one excuses. trying to make out like she is fine to the rest of the world when in fact inside she was falling apart. sigh.

In terms of my weight recovery I was not discharged at a healthy BMI/weight, which my consultant was sad about, however I was in a much better place than when I was admitted (I think I had gained about half the weight I would have needed to from when I was admitted to get to a healthy weight). I will admit that part of me does wonders whether staying would have been beneficial, because on a very basic level yes it could have helped in some ways. However if I stretch my mind back to when I was still on the ward ,it actually still floods me with anxiety and fear because of how UNHELPFUL the environment had sadly become. It is hard to explain to someone who has not experienced an EDU, but the patient groups can and do make a massive of differences. I was vvv lucky that when I was initially admitted, and for the first good couple of months, it was a v supportive and recovery focused environment. However, by about late Sept/early October ,things turned completely upside down (which was not helped by the fresh COVID lockdowns either) and even staff were saying how terrible it had gotten and how they could not believe the things that they were being asked to manage on the progression ward. There were times when I felt incredible unsafe on the ward and feared for others patients, which is not "okay". I genuinely believe that staying any longer would have likely made my mental health decline further; I had already found the massive shift was negatively affecting me and I think staying would have been unwise. I had also gained quite a lot of weight and was, I hate to admit, struggling with both coming to terms with that along with dealing with everything that you are continually facing when going through treatment/recovery alongside working on trauma stuff. I know none of that is any worthy excuse, but that was how it was...At this time I was struggling a lot with my meal plan and had quite a few lapses whilst on the transition phase of the unit however despite screaming out for help/support from staff, because of the acute situation on the ward, I was just left. They knew I was struggling, I was told time and time again that they had not forgotten me, but did I get help? no. It was actually made worse by the then nutritionist who sat me down like a naughty school girl and basically told me that I was a failure and that I would never achieve anything in life blah blah blah (please see a past post if you want to know more) which made me even more scared to reach out for 'help'/'support'. So no, I don't think staying would have helped much, which is a real shame.

Therapy wise I had a bit of a rough ride in there (god I'm really selling this aren't I?!). When admitted I was not in a place for 'traditional' therapy what so ever; looking back I honestly have no idea how I was even 'functioning' (was I functioning? probably not) and even the group therapies were a struggle but my consultant stuck with me and with time I was able to process a little more. One thing that helped me beyond words was 1:1 Art Therapy. This was not something I had accessed before, only ever doing group sessions in the past which was mostly about getting away from the ward and doing a bit of art. I cannot reiterate enough how different and HELPFUL the 1:1 sessions were. The art therapy, who I knew from the last year and is an absolutely GEM, helped me to begin to process and work through the trauma that I had experienced with dad. It took a lot of time and persistence but I was able to use those sessions in so many ways and I will forever be grateful to P for supporting me (I was so lucky to be able to have 1:1 sessions for the majority of my 8 admission).

The more traditional therapy initially took the form of 30min sessions with my consultant once to twice a week (as much as I hated them, she was bloody good). I also had a review and a few sessions with the lead therapist via zoom (she was heavily pregnant so was working from home) not long after being admitted, but she soon went on maternity leave. This left me to be picked up by her student, who was actually incredible. We did a long extended piece of work on my perfectionism which, again, was SO helpful but she sadly left (for bigger and better things) and I was left hanging for a while as there were no other openings. A new lead therapist started and after a while he did a few sessions with me before leaving suddenly (I think even staff only had a weeks notice, which was ridiculous), so I was back to twiddling thumbs for a few weeks. I then met with a therapist who worked 2 mornings a week that I saw a bit during my last admission but we didn't do many sessions and it just fell away. This was mostly my fault as by this point I was questioning my admission and whether I would self discharge as there were some not good things going on on the ward, so I wasn't really in the headspace to explore things deeply and had been picked up and put down so many times that I just couldn't do anymore. Throughout that time though I continued to see my consultant weekly, mainly focusing on mindfulness and other therapy styles thrown in there too at times.

I will forever be thankful/grateful for the admission I had, especially to be under a different consultant (for COVID reasons they had to split things differently as they would usually do it by area but that wasn't possible at the time I was admitted) as her approach made a huge difference. I still remember one of the first things she said to me was that she couldn't believe/was that I had been placed on the SEED pathway and that she believed that I could be more than that, which honestly, gave me a little bit of hope (something that had been ripped apart and shredded by my usual consultant multiple times).

But back to now.... I have now been seeing a new therapist weekly (when possible) since February and, in a backwards way, I am so glad that L disappeared off the grid because the "support" I was going to be getting under the original plan was just sessions with her to do some self guided self help stuff, whereas with this therapist we have actually been doing some HELPFUL work. In terms of L, I think the last I was told she never returned to work and has now left the team (we have a sneaky feeling that she either had a complete break down or that it was due to too may complaints (mum called this a long time ago as she was not qualified for the role at all and was utterly useless), which, yeah, was strange to not get an ending as I had worked with her for a few years. Anyway, I've been doing SCHEMA therapy with this new lady (I'd not heard of it before) and at first I was a bit reluctant but it's been incredibly insightful. I continue to learn more about myself and the reasons why I may have gone down certain roads each session. HOWEVER. and this is a big however. There has been a bit of a snag in the rope.

In short, yes I have been engaging really well with the therapy side, my weight and physical health has only continued to deteriorate since i was discharged. We are talking classic kitty of slowly slipped backwards, nothing dramatic, nothing to make alarm bells go off or warrant a review, but it's not been good. Anorexia is screaming at me for saying all of this, it shouts "but you weigh so much more than when you were admitted, you are a complete fraud blah blah blah" which is all the same old boring drivel it always spews out. But basically Im in dangerous waters now in terms of losing therapy/not being able to engage with therapy properly if things dont improve. Ive been in classic stuck mode, getting so absorbed by the numbers and the bubble that AN offers, that I have been numb to it all. The HCA I was seeing was really trying to help me to make changes but she left a while ago (she was going back to train as a nurse) and since then I have had the odd appointment here and there (I think it fell to every 3 weeks for a while as there were no available appointments) with people trying to cover the clinic until someone else is hired for the role, which is far from ideal as they literally just do the necessary obs and send you on your way.

Okay that sounds like yet another excuse, which is probably is, but it's not been an easy ride since I left hospital to say the least.

BUT this past week things have begun to shift a little. I was honest with my therapist about the whole food/meal plan side of things and we actually spoke about how we can't focus on therapy things until I am in a more stable place, which is both really hard to hear but also exactly what I need to hear. I am actually being more open to change, which is a shift from where I was just a week ago. It is bloody painful, even just thinking about it all hurts/is exhausting and I am still very much in the darkness /struggling with it but there is now a little part of me that is screaming out and trying to be heard. There is a little part of me that WANTS to get out of this endless messy limbo that this relapse has been and wants to start stepping back into "recovery". There is part of me that wants a chance. And I've got to start listening to that side a little more.

I promise, the next update will be a little more positive Stay tuned.

#personal #update #If anyone actually reads this you deserve a medal #im sorry #this is a crappy update #I promise there are more positive things to come #I have things to tell you all!!!

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kyluxtrashpit · 4 years

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2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

#kylux #renben #hey I'm not late this year lmao #it's been an interesting one that's for sure #anyway I'm happy with all my fics this year which is good #but I need to keep working at keeping my head in the right space #which will likely take some practice #but I'm off to a good start #and I have good feelings about the future in that regard #so here's to a 2020 full of writing about kylo getting railed to high heaven #and to a 2021 full of the same!#my fic #long post #shut up nerd

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mashounen2003 · 3 years

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Sonic opinions - 2

In large portions of every fandom, it looks like it prevails the idea that you can only take one of two positions: praising the story in every respect, including both the ideas themselves and their execution by the writers, or admitting not to like the story and not to praise any element of it at all. I think my ideas regarding the Archie-Sonic comics and the Sonic franchise in general cannot be pigeonholed into either of these two extremes.

More below the "keep reading" cut.

I loved all the world-building in Archie-Sonic, the elements the comic introduced, their many characters and the potential to tell stories about them; I also really liked much of the art and personal styles of several artists Archie-Sonic has had throughout its history, with very few exceptions (and such exceptions include Ron Lim, of course). That's why, of all the Sonic continuities, I often use the pre-reboot Archie-Sonic comic as the primary source for world-building elements and story ideas.

What really makes me feel bad about that comic, what motivates most of my criticism, is the ideas’ execution by the main writers, as well as aspects that I think are more linked to each writer as a person, the unique way in which each of them has written their stories.

Firstly, Michael Gallagher: the writer for the first few dozen issues of the comic had a terrible sense of humour, and this hurt the comic hugely since those first issues were fundamentally based on that low-quality comedy style. The characterization of the entire cast also suffered greatly from this; in Sally's case, something quite ironic happened too: Gallagher portrayed her as bossy, annoying, temperamental, usually bickering with Sonic, and now that's also how Sally is seen by many fans of the videogames’ continuity (at best). Other than this, not much more could be said about him.

Karl Bollers wrote quite decent stories with some nice comedy, with “Return to Angel Island” being his best work, one of the best stories in the entire comic and perhaps even one of the best in the franchise; but Bollers’s work was "torpedoed" by Ken Penders and then-editor Justin Gabrie, which ruined the stories’ final versions sometimes or led to elements introduced by Bollers being "retconned" and overwritten by whatever Penders smoked and decided to do when taking over. The characterization of Fiona Fox is one of the main examples, with Bollers's Fiona being a quite under-utilized character but with a great potential that would later be wasted by both Penders and Ian Flynn. Another similar case was Sally breaking up with Sonic: Bollers tried to give context to such a drastic decision by Sally and show how she was the one who was suffering the most at that time and also that both she and Sonic were partially right, but Penders and Gabrie didn't let Bollers develop this subplot properly and all we had was a quite infamous scene that unfairly made Sally one of the most hated characters. It’s also known of several plans Bollers had for future stories, and one of them was Antoine being corrupted by the Source of All and turning into a villain; this had the potential to be a good story by subverting the concept of the Source of All and making it an actual threat, but on the other hand, it’d have meant resorting once again to the resource of "this character isn’t doing anything, let's make them evil", something quite disappointing, which later would have disastrous results when Flynn did the same with Fiona a few years later. However, these plans of Bollers were just ideas, and the quality of a story created from them still depends a lot on execution. In the end, I can't say anything about how good or bad Bollers was as a writer, simply because I have no way of knowing what his stories would have been like if he had been given more freedom and had stayed as the writer longer.

There were two writers who influenced Archie-Sonic comics far more than any other writer in its history: Penders and Flynn. The first of them was a retarded pervert with an overly inflated and fragile ego. He became obsessed with the primitive, toxic ideal of "family" North-Americans have. He wrote nonsensical, contradictory stories, having already decided the end down to the last detail long before even thinking about how the story would come to that end (I also made this specific mistake a few times when I was just starting to write fanfiction, I must admit). He increased Fiona's age in order to be able to pair her with the Don Juan that Sonic had become, which also ruined Fiona's characterization forever. The issues 150s -right before being replaced by Flynn- were the worst part of Penders’s run, as Bollers was no longer there to put a stop to his madness in any way, and it was at this time when there was the most egregious case of Penders pouring into the comic his worst perversions and retarded ideas: he hinted at a sex scene in one of the most infamous cases in the history of the entire Sonic franchise, although it wasn’t infamous for the implied sex per se but rather because what happened was technically a rape by deception; to add insult to injury, the writer implicitly blamed the victim some years later when asked about it on Twitter.

I could go on talking about “Ken Perverts”, but I think that's not necessary and would be a waste of time since, as everyone here already knows, he's been the laughingstock of the entire Sonic franchise for years; @ponett even has a whole secondary blog, @thankskenpenders, mainly dedicated to this. On the other hand, there’s still another writer who has also contributed a lot and also made huge mistakes but is not criticized in the least by almost anyone, simply because he was better than Penders.

Ian Flynn usually reduced the characters to slightly oversimplified portrayals, similar to the personalities of the characters in the most recent videogames. Under his pen, Sonic was more sympathetic but his words sometimes sounded too empty and shallow, his apologies for past mistakes didn’t lead to genuine changes on his part, and sometimes he even seemed plain insensitive to all the tragedies happening around him, especially at the Mecha Sally Arc (I nickname Ian Flynn’s Sonic "Plastic Smile" for this). Admittedly, this had already happened several times with previous writers (Penders portraying Sonic as a Don Juan, as I already mentioned), and this is why I think the original Sonic from Sonic SatAM was always better for feeling more "genuine", less "empty", and more heroic and likeable as a result. Perhaps the only ones to escape the oversimplified portrayal have been Shadow and E-123 Omega, whose characterizations in Archie-Sonic were the best in the whole franchise.

Besides, Flynn had strong favouritism for Amy Rose, which only made things worse because this Amy was much more similar to the one in the videogames from Sonic Heroes onwards. Anyway, this also happened with previous writers, like when Amy wished to be younger at the cost of a chance to save Sally's mother and no one ever berated her for it.

Let’s look at the villains. Unlike the typical Eggman from the videogames, with his follies, eccentricities and other absurd aspects, the Robotnik “inherited” by the comic from Sonic SatAM was explicitly a genocidal bastard and crueller while at the same time being sane enough to realize everything he was doing (@robotnik-mun already spoke in detail about this once); however, Flynn tried to combine the two characters into the pre-reboot Archie-Sonic Eggman, and the result created some severe problems with the stories’ tone. Something derived from this was how Sonic let Eggman live and even felt sorry for his fall into madness, in addition to treating him as if they were the Sonic and Eggman from the videogames, Sonic X or Sonic Boom; it’s worth remembering this Eggman technically is a sort of reincarnation of the SatAM Robotnik (his exact nature is quite complicated and includes parallel universes, but yes, he’s supposed to be exactly the same as the SatAM Robotnik, with memories and everything) and this Sonic is supposed to have fought a bloody decade-long guerilla war against him just like his SatAM counterpart.

Scourge was turned into a massive Mary-Sue who achieved easy victories, as subtle as a huge neon sign saying "the bad guys win"; he was also an abusive manipulator towards Fiona Fox, and Flynn was unable to show that properly for fear of making his pet look no longer cool, which makes you wonder how alike Flynn and Penders might actually be in some ways. To clearly understand the horrible damage this has caused: it not only created a generation of young Sonic fans -mostly boys from the USA- who romanticize abuse either consciously or unconsciously, but also there are even women -including scholars, committed feminists and transgender people who are also activists for social justice- who either sympathize with Scourge or think Fiona made a right, wise, rational or informed decision by joining him in the story (I’ll not give names of those women, I’m not really eager to get into heated fallacious discussions about “the true meaning of Feminism”); to top it off, among the writers who started working with Ian Flynn either on IDW-Sonic or the last years of Archie-Sonic, there’s at least one person who got the job of writing official Sonic comics after gaining quite a bit of fame with a fan-comic where they used the pairing of Scourge & Fiona to inspire its readers to feel sorry... for Scourge. And speaking of Fiona specifically: the subplot of her career as a villain was ill-conceived, was built by using as a cornerstone the A-story of Issue #150 (that quite infamous and widely known story written by Penders where Scourge may or may not have raped Bunnie by deception), and was also seemingly "abandoned" as Fiona ended up merely being Scourge's new abuse victim girlfriend and her status as a traitor didn’t even have a significant emotional effect on the Freedom Fighters.

Flynn also followed something like a pattern of taking tropes from famous works and then using them when writing the comic but not actually understanding why those tropes had worked in the first place. Perhaps the prime example of this was Scourge giving Sonic the Joker's "One Bad Day" speech: it almost felt a bit like giving the same speech to the Batman of Batman vs. Superman, as Sonic had already had a whole "bad decade" and was still a hero despite it; also, Sonic's answer to that speech (telling Scourge it only takes a tiny bit of selflessness and decency for him to be a good person) wasn’t that great, not at all compared to the mildly masterful answer Batman had originally given to the Joker in The Killing Joke, and it even made Sonic look more like a bad judge of character.

Lastly, the entire Mecha Sally Arc was poorly planned, had some contradictions with itself and with previous stories, was stretched through dozens of comic issues no matter if that felt forced, and the main events and plot twists throughout the story arc were heavily based on shock-value without giving any substance to this or making it a bit more sense when putting it under scrutiny; meanwhile, Flynn always seemed to have quite a hard time when writing long story arcs, so these long stories looked like he was trying and outright failing to imitate Toriyama (someone quite known for putting together stories ad-lib according to what seemed most convenient at the time).

Despite this, it looks like those Sonic fans who are still interested in material outside of the videogames will keep buying and reading whatever Ian Flynn or one of his colleagues writes, simply because they’re better than Penders... even though it's been 15 years since Penders wrote something official about Sonic. Seriously, we should have gotten over it by now, instead of continuing to compare all material in the franchise with Penders's work, which sets the bar too low for any official content creator. Now that I think about it, Penders's work is to the North-American Sonic canon what Sonic 2006 is to the videogames: people can criticize the latest games all they want, and rightfully so, but if someone even casually mentions Sonic 2006, any Sonic game from 2010 onwards instantly becomes a masterpiece just for being marginally better than Sonic 2006; the same happens between Penders's work on pre-reboot Archie-Sonic and any other North-American Sonic comic written by Flynn after Penders left.

Right now it looks like it's also forbidden to criticize Flynn as a writer at all just because he's much nicer in his personal life and engages with fans more directly through his podcasts, or because Flynn is truly progressive while Penders claimed to be progressive and a feminist and was affiliated with the USA Democrats but his work showed how misogynistic, perverted, retarded, reactionary and downright sick he was. Also, now saying something about Flynn other than total blind admiration for him and his work, even asking for the Freedom Fighters to return in the IDW comics, has become synonymous with agreeing with those assholes who cry "Rally4Sally" or "Udon4Sonic" on Twitter: "nostalgic" fans of SatAM and Penders's work on Archie, in their 40s or 50s, deeply conservative and absurdly paranoid, who claim that those new inclusive cartoons such as Steven Universe or She-Ra "are ruining their childhood", are mad at Flynn just because he hinted Sally and Nicole may be a lesbian couple (and in a rather platonic way, not even romantic in the traditional sense), and try to justify their own warped ideas and fantasies about SatAM by ignoring any “liberal” political messages SatAM may have had at the subtext level.

#sonic fanfiction by mashounen #sonic opinions by mashounen #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #archie sonic #sonic comics #sonic satam #michael gallagher #karl bollers #ken penders #ian flynn

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tev-the-random · 4 years

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What it Ursa took her children with her? - Pt.2

As we were saying:

Little over year has passed since the family arrived in Hira’a, and fateful news gets to them: Ozai remarried. His new wife is someone who is honoured to marry the Firelord and doesn’t mind the fact that his head is so deep up his own arse- anyway, and they are expecting a child, who is to be the Firelord’s legitimate heir.

Azula’s hopes and dreams are shattered. At age ten, she is quite literally being replaced in her beloved father’s life. It’s like she’s never even existed, and she can’t help but wonder what she did wrong.

Zuko is also upset, of course. All those years when Ozai told him he was unfit and worthless come flooding back. But somehow, he already expected things to turn out like this. Unlike Azula, he wasn’t so deeply feeding on hopes that things would go back to normal. He sees it more as a situation that was out of everyone’s control.

He convinces Azula it’s not her fault, and these kids will still be trying to understand and defend their father later down the road. There must be a reason for all of this, right? They start thinking of a reasonable scenario…

Ursa just feels sorry for the poor woman who has to deal with Ozai now.

So we get a timeskip: about three years came and went. Zuko and Azula – treated as kids and not as weapons – lead a peaceful and happy life whenever they’re not thinking of their father and everything they could be doing out there.

They have become known local troublemakers in their spare time. Kids know better than to challenge them, people know not to leave flammable goods out in the open – a strict policy regarding fireworks has been established after a chaotic incident – and failure to keep an eye on them this one time led to… well, let’s just say that the town is still unsure of whether or not they’re is being haunted by evil spirits.

They aren’t allowed anywhere near Forgetful Valley, but bold of you to assume they never tried. In-jokes arise.

‘No, I’m serious: that tree’s face looked exactly like yours, Zuzu. You really should befriend it,’ Azula mocks, remembering a particularly ugly tree they encountered in their adventure.

‘Sorry, I wasn’t looking at it. I was busy looking for whoever it was that asked you,’ Zuko retorts. ‘Since Forgetful Valley has all the kinds of crazy stuff.’

‘Maybe we should go back and look for your impulse control, then.’

‘None of you are going back in there,’ Ursa reprehends. ‘It was very irresponsible of you. Forgetful Valley is a dangerous place, you could have gotten hurt!’

‘Your mother is right, you know?’ Noren comments. ‘I’ve been to that jungle before, and it’s definitely not a playground. But I swear…’ He makes a dramatic pause. ‘I once saw Ursa’s sense of humour in there.’

The kids burst out laughing while Ursa sighs. ‘Since you can find such amazing things in the valley, dear, why don’t you go back there and find yourself actual funny jokes? I’m sure my sense of humour will be around the same corner.’

*More laughter*

(IDK, I write crappy comedy, ok?)

They still have a bit of a hard time making friends. I wouldn’t say they are shy, but they definitely have a talent to say the wrong things at the wrong times, and it’s hard to make deep connections. Sure, they would play with other kids from time to time, but in the end, Zuko and Azula are each other’s best friend.

They’ve cleared an area by the beach that any Hira’a resident knows to stay away from when they’re training.

Azula discovered a great passion for theatre. Not only are her acting skills fantastic, she also seems to be naturally aware of what makes a good scene. People say she’s Noren’s Little Assistant.

She hates being called Noren’s Little Assistant. She would much rather be called Ursa’s Little Star, because goddamn is she a good actress and she needs everyone to know that.

Zuko is more of a plant-lover guy. Unfortunately, he hasn’t inherited his grandmother’s green thumb, and despite Ursa’s best efforts to teach him, it seems like everything he touches dies.

He has grown to show a way with animals, however. Any variety of frogs and toads love him; lizards of all kinds are attracted to him like he’s a magnet; furry animals big and small adore him and any type of bird-like creature seems to think he is the best human being in existence. But his favourite animals are still the turtleducks.

Back in the palace, Iroh eventually learns of Ozai’s bullshit and how he got the throne in the first place. And you know what? The time has come for Iroh to draw a line in the sand. He confronts his little brother, who confronts him back by telling him that, should he try to tell anyone in the Fire Nation the truth – that Ozai was a top-grade traitor who actually had no right to the throne –, no one would believe him. Since his brother won’t be sensible, Iroh decides that’s it: he’s fucking out.

Now a fugitive from the Fire Nation, he somehow winds up owning a lovely traveling tea shop called the Jasmin Dragon. Most people don’t even suspect he is the fearful Dragon of the West, because he’s just so nice?

You can bet he serves blends of tea from all across the nations.

The tea shop is also a good cover up for his exchanges with the Order of the White Lotus. He gives and receives information, and does his best to help villages to either defend themselves or evacuate during Fire Nation attacks.

One day a member of the White Lotus travels to Hira’a for one reason or another and finds Zuko and Azula. This person then sends a letter to Iroh.

Iroh comes to Hira’a to visit the family. He’s glad to see they’re ok, even if he can’t stay for too long. But long enough for some Quality Time – these kids have grown so much!

Iroh doesn’t know of Ursa’s part in Azulon’s assassination, and only assumes she knew of Ozai’s plan. But now, it’s time that her children learned a couple of things, and he is willing to teach them, so that when the time arrives for them to meet their destiny, they should be able to choose wisely and face whatever comes their way. So he asks the children to accompany him in his travels.

Ursa doesn’t want to let them go. They’re children, they should be here living a peaceful life, not meeting some grand, dangerous destiny! What if something horrible happened to them?

Iroh understands the pain of losing a child. He doesn’t want to make Ursa spend her time worrying about losing two, so he respects her decision and soon leaves the town.

But the siblings are not about to just sit here when they know they’re destined for something greater. What incredible knowledge did their uncle hold? Did their father have something to do with this? They always knew there was more to their fate than just living in Hira’a for the rest of their lives, and this is their chance; it’s now or never.

Zuko and Azula are about to sneak out and follow Iroh when Noren spots them. But instead of trying to stop them – he is well aware that he can’t – he gives them two masks and some advice about never forgetting who they were.

Why yes, I am saying that they eventually take the masks and become partners in crime, Zuko as the Blue Spirit and Azula as the Red Spirit, because parallels.

They catch up with their uncle and adventures and shenanigans issue as Zuko, Azula and Iroh cross the Earth Kingdom.

Now imagine this trio: two of the most awkward firebending teenagers travelling with their old tea-loving uncle, who spits proverbs like he’s made of them. The possibilities for both hilarious and heart-warming moments are endless.

Iroh thinks himself a matchmaker. Whenever he thinks he sees some romance going on, he encourages his nephew or niece to make a move. His flaming cupid arrows do more damage than good, yet he only has good intentions at heart. Teens all around the kingdom encourage you to stop, sir.

Their new life is even more humbling than in Hira’a, since they are constantly travelling. But they manage, and they know their uncle is nothing but wise… even if Azula is still quite arrogant and manipulative, and Zuko is impatient and hot-headed, which can lead to a lot of conflict.

Iroh teaches them both how to create and redirect lightning. Zuko is better at redirecting than Azula. Creating it, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated, and both of them get their fair share of explosions while learning. Neither of them really gets a hang of it – although Azula is better at it than Zuko, that’s not saying much – for they still have a lot of identity-related turmoil inside them that won’t let them grasp the energy.

Guess who else teaches them? Other members of the White Lotus. Both Zuko and Azula get some swordsmanship Skills™ from Piandao, some different (and somewhat unwillingly taught) firebending technics from Jeong-Jeong and a lot of things from Bumi, including but not limited to: creative thinking, the art of patience, strategic planning, dealing with pirates and a surprising amount of rocks-related knowledge.

Bumi adopted Zuko and Azula and gave himself the role of Second Uncle. You cannot convince me otherwise.

So one day, little over a year after the siblings joined Iroh, they wind up in a city where this big circus is performing. Uncle Iroh decides to take his niece and nephew to see it. And oh, aren’t they surprised by who they see performing?

Even though Ty Lee was essentially the only one between her sisters to befriend Azula – and consequentially, the only one to periodically spend time in the palace with her –, Zuko and Iroh still have a hard time distinguishing her from the six other girls who look exactly like her, uncertainly calling her all different names before Azula snaps ‘you idiots, that’s Ty Lee!’.

The acrobat is so glad to see her friend again, because damn: it’s been nearly four years since they last saw or even heard from each other! And Zuko, I thought you were dead? This is such a neat reunion, there’s so much for them to talk about! And sure, the circus has to leave soon and so do the siblings, but Ty Lee reassures them that, if they ever needed her, she wasn’t hard to find. This isn’t the last we’ll see of Ty Lee.

Azula doesn’t let it show, but she resents Ty Lee a little bit for choosing to abandon her noble life. She really wishes she could have had a choice.

Uncle Iroh tells the siblings stories about the war that would have some day mesmerized them. But now, his opinions about those events and what he did as a prince general have changed; that, along with what the family sees in their journey – all the horrors brought to innocent people – gives Zuko and Azula a new perspective on what they used to think was a greater good. It will still take a while for Azula to understand that no, these people are no lesser than her and for Zuko to understand why any of that matters.

Iroh eventually tells them the truth about Azulon’s death. Or at least, what he knows of it: their father killed Azulon, banished them, took the throne by force and planned to gain more power at the expense of everyone. This is a lot to take in, and the siblings don’t quite believe it.

After four years thinking about it, Zuko and Azula decided to take their mother’s early words – they went to Hira’a to be safe – and formulate what for them was a reasonable scenario. They believe that Ozai never actually wanted any of this to happen. The whole family had to have been in danger, be it due to some political, social or personal threat, and Ozai wanted to take it all by himself to protect them. So he sent his wife and children away, concocted a plan with Azulon to cover for them and, once Azulon died and left him the throne, remarried to keep appearances. To Zuko and Azula, this makes perfect sense. And they thoroughly convince themselves of that.

They initiate an argument, thinking that Iroh is jealous of Ozai.

Their uncle sees these children are starting to stray from their path, but he knows this is a necessary journey for them. They will never be able to deal with reality unless they face it.

The siblings leave Iroh, planning to head straight to the Fire Nation capital and find out what really happened. Maybe now that they are older, it would be a perfect time to come back home; they surely could defend themselves from any threats.

Of course, they’ll be very disappointed to know that Ozai was just a bitch and never actually cared for any of them.

I don’t have a full formed idea about how their reencounter with their father would go down, but I say Ozai would officially banish both his children from the Fire Nation for trying to cause a commotion – which could easily be perceived as a threat. Not only that, but Zuko and Azula are the children of a traitor; cue for Ozai revealing what happened that night four years ago, confirming that he was the one to kill Azulon with Ursa’s help.

I also think that, after that day, the Firelord would have discreetly helped spread rumours about Ursa that would drag her name through the mud in the Capital – was she cheating on Ozai? Was she selling Fire Nation information to the Earth Kingdom? Was she planning a coup against the Firelord? Her crimes change from mouth to mouth. In the end, no one would take Zuko or Azula back unless Ozai wanted it. But he doesn’t. Not now, at least…

But Ozai also decides to play with his options: he plants a seed of doubt in his children’s minds; should they prove themselves useful later on, it would only take pulling a few strings for them to come crawling back to him. So he tells them that they needed to prove themselves for everyone to see that they weren’t traitors like their mother. They needed to prove their worth so that he could accept them.

Ozai goes a step further with Azula and tells her that, before his demise, Firelord Azulon had a plan. A plan to bring her back and put her in the leading, prestigious role she was always meant to get. But they needed to wait for the right time. There is a right time, Princess Azula. Your hopes were right all along, they will come for you eventually if you prove yourself.

The siblings have a lot to think about while they’re leaving the Fire Nation. They idolized Ozai so much all these years. But the undeniable truth came crashing down on their heads, spoken by the man himself. What would they do now? They didn’t think it possible, but their harsh actions made things so much worse: they couldn’t come back to their mother, they didn’t have many hopes of running into Iroh again, they can’t even set foot in their homeland anymore; Zuko and Azula are all on their own.

Maybe it’s time to turn a new leaf. It starts with them being fairly neutral, not completely loyal to either the Fire Nation or to the rest of the world. During this period, they would argue a lot about what to do or where to go next, getting separated and going their own ways before destiny makes them stick together again, over and over.

They manage to get a few deals and own a few favours here and there, become known thieves as the Spirits, and maybe meet up with Ty Lee’s circus every now and again. Life is hard.

But there is one thing that is about to be a beacon in their darkness…

Time to catch up to the show. Oh, you thought I wouldn’t go there?

Part 3 coming right up!

(I know I said this would be a two-parter, but it got ridiculously long, so I split it again. Three-parter now.)

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dappercritter · 4 years

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Invader Zim: Taller Tales of Terror - The First Fic That Wasn’t

This was going to be my first fanfiction that I ever published, but things came up and I found other story ideas and fandoms to get into. However, because there’s nothing I hate more than leaving a story untold and forgotten.

So like a writer jilted by a big name studio working on a big superhero movie that went terribly wrong after they left, I’m going to share it with you good folks to see if you still think there’s hope for it in some capacity. If so maybe I’ll choose to revive it in some capacity, or one of you kind folks can adopt it. Whatever you think of the once untold tale I’m about tell you, I hope you enjoy it.

The fic would have been either a mini-series/anthology or a movie-esque sequel—or two—to Enter the Florpus.

It would have followed the stranger further misadventures the kids would go on as teenagers, all of which have at least something to do with getting taller, literally or metaphorically.

Although I'd do my best to recreate the series' darkly comic tone, there'd be more to the story than just that. I'd like to do a sort of character study with my fanfics and explore what they would do as they got older, how they would change if they could change, if they'd mature and try to connect with each other more, or if they really do just hate each other. It'd be like a coming-of-age story but done in the style of Invader Zim.

But don’t be fooled, folks! It's not going to be one of those big dramatic fanfics with high stakes (nor any smut) thrown in. At it's core it's still just a fun, dumb, mildly disturbed "What if?" sort of fic. There would be a bit more emphasis on character and plot than normal, because I do love me a good character-driven plot, but still plenty of room for (what I hoped would feel like) the usual weird dumb creepy fun that original series excelled at.

The story is set in basically the same continuity (or at least the closest thing to a continuity that can exist in Invader Zim) as the show and comics. The only difference is that the Battle of Meekrob actually happened—but not really.

Long backstory short, there was a big showdown between the Irken Armada and the Meekrob-allied Resisty, but Zim and Dib missed it because a food fight got them stuck in detention. Zim tried to get Skoodge (who was rooming with him at the time because the scrapped Season 2 episodes were sorta canon here) to cover for him until her got there, while Dib tried to get Gaz to take Tak’s ship to provide support against the Irken. By the time they got out, however, the battle was over, Gaz blew the whole thing off to get a new game, Skoodge and some other Invader became the war hero Zim always aspired to be, and The Almighty Tallest decided to cancel Operation Impending Doom 2 because after the big exciting space battle they felt like they couldn’t top anything after that. Suffice to say, Zim took it pretty hard. Dib however would have seen this as something of a win since Zim still failed in a sense. Albeit it was a very anticlimactic win, even to him.

The actual story would have taken place about 5 years after the Battle of Meekrob, where Zim, Dib, and Gaz have made it to high school (or “hi-skool” as this is the Invader Zim universe, after all). Setting wise, things haven't changed much but the characters have made a few surprising or not-so-surprising developments. The most important of all, so important that it would be the focus of the entire story, in fact! would have been Zim developing a brand-new disguise utilizing an exoskeleton, based partially on the Almighty Tallest, in attempt to make him look like a normal teenager AND impress superiors. Naturally, things go horribly yet amusingly wrong for everyone involved.

Now just where and what has everyone been up to/going through in those five years? Here’s a rundown:

-Zim spent those 5 years obsessing over his crushing failure, begging the Tallest to give him another chance, which they refused every time. Being stuck on a planet of smelly, stupid, and increasingly annoying creatures for so long without any real victories has left him bitter and frantic with more shmoopiness than usual. Even the little "VICTORY FOR ZIM!" moments he used to have got harder and harder to come by. By the time he reached high school, he was so messed up he didn’t realize his classmates had all had growth spurts until Dib easily overpowered him in one of their petty fights and points it out to the whole school. Thus, leading to the new exoskeleton and subsequent schemes to redeem himself in the eyes of the Tallest while looking normal in the eyes of his human classmates. Unfortunately, due to his desperation and general lack of understanding about the human body, the exoskeleton comes out looking like a lanky robotic nightmare with clawed fingers that jerks around like a big cybernetic marionette.

-Dib meanwhile has been doing slightly better. He and his paranormal research are still looked down upon, but he's persevered through the hope that someday he'll prove he's right. After (indirectly) stopping Zim from joining the Battle of Meekrob, Dib got a small confidence boost, thinking of it as a big step to exposing for Zim real now that he’s effectively trapped on Earth with him now. Although, following a rather blunt intervention from his family, he's started thinking about what he’ll do with himself once Zim is gone. He still hates his guts and he's still hellbent on beating him, but he's also started getting out more and trying to socialize more—however awkward his attempts may be. That he's also gotten taller and his head isn't quite as big compared to the rest of his body has been good for his self-esteem too. But make no mistake—when he's not going for runs, working shifts at his dad’s lab, or looking into a “totally normal” science major, he's toiling away on improving his array of anti-Zim strategies and defenses.

-Gaz is doing pretty good but she is totally done with Zim and Dib's junk. Although she's still her old apathetic self, she's doing everything in her power to broaden her horizons so she doesn't end up in the same, stupid rut that they ended up in. She would have gotten into indie art and game development; although her work is still fairly obscure, it's quickly gaining attention for it's macabre, edgy, punishing and geeky nature. (Imagine the works of Jhonen Vasquez, Toby Fox, Hidetaka Miyazaki, and Hideki Kamiya mashed together.) She also participates in e-sports tournaments on occasion, if only because crushing countless so-called “gamers” brings her amusement. Her psychic powers have also gotten stronger with her age, and she likes to experiment with them whenever she can—usually when somebody really annoys her. She's doing fine in the story until, after a run-in with a certain unkillable spoiled brat at an e-sports tournament, sends her over the edge and she trashes the place in a Carrie-esque episode. This gets her sent to anger management therapy, and now she's trying to find a way out to avoid sitting through an endless slog of "sappy" sessions.

-Gir would still be insane.

-Minimoose would still be the ultimate techno-lifeform Minimoose.

-Zim's Computer is still tired.

-Prof. Membrane is still the greatest and most powerful scientist who ever lived but he’s also trying to make time for his family more and mentoring Dib to be the successor to his legacy he always thinks he was meant to be. That is if is experimental new immortality machine doesn’t work out. May or may not have to fend off Clembrane whenever he comes to visit.

-The Almighty Tallest are still living content, tyrannical lives. They didn't take canceling Operation Impending Doom 2 very hard because, as it turns out, they just got bored with it after a while. (Of course, Zim's repeated interference didn't help keep their spirits up either). However, they'd come up with the perfect plan to obtain absolute control of the universe AND get the feeling back: by making Operation Impending Doom 3 a thing and setting up a huge hype campaign for it. Thing go pretty well for them until Zim calls them and tells them about his new exosuit. They believe that Zim is trying to make himself look like a Tallest so he can lead a rebellion against them and get revenge for treating him like garbage. (He's not, obviously, but they're too dumb and paranoid to realize this.) So, they pretend that they're ok with it and let him carry on his merry way while they figure out how to dispose of him without making him look like a martyr figure of some sort, thus giving the other Irkens they mistreated any ideas.

-Tak would show up again in the second half and this is where it gets spoiler-y. She would come to Earth on the Tallest’s orders with a squad consisting of a reformatted Mimi, rogue SIR units, as well as Tenn and Skoodge who she had recruited to aid in her vendetta against Zim. She would subsequently reveal that after drifting through space in an escape pod, she crashed landed on Meekrob just as the battle was about to begin, and using the element of surprise, rescued Tenn from captivity and assisted Skoodge and the Tallest in devising a battle strategy so brilliant that it crushed the Resisty and Meekrob’s alliance and earned her the status of Irken Elite. She grew comfortable in her new position but could never get over her fear that Zim would eventually ruin it all again, so she waited and prepared for the day she would strike back. I don’t know how or if she would adopt an updated disguise (perhaps a hologram of her older humansona projected over her, Tenn, and Skoodge standing on top of her shoulders?) or hide in the shadows while Tenn, Skoodge, Mimi and the berserk SIR squad did her dirty work.

-Skoodge would have gone from aspiring to be Zim’s friend to being his worst enemy after Tak turned him to her side by digging into his past with him, making him realize how little his supposed old friend cared about him. Despite this he still keeps an unusually cheerful disposition—even repeatedly apologizing to Zim whenever he attacks him—and acts as the heart of Tak’s squad. He thinks of them as his real friends, so he always goes out of his way to help them out or keep the energy up. Even though Tak looks down on him because of his size, she appreciates his gullibility and unquestioning loyalty. Tenn just thinks he’s nice, especially since he’s good at keeping the SIRs in check.

-Tenn has recovered from the traumatic escapades she endured on Meekrob at the hands of the rogue SIR units and imprisonment under the enemy, returning to her usual competant Invader self—something Tak values quite a bit in an armada largely composed of egomaniacs and morons. Tenn values Tak’s companionship even more, viewing her as a conquering hero who not only won the most important battle of Irken history, but also, her heart. …Not she’ll ever act on her feelings. That would inconveniance the mission! (Although Skoodge has picked up on this and gladly supports her, thinking they’d make an adorable couple.) After investation revealed that Zim was supposed to receive the rogue SIR units instead of her while he trashed the Megadoomer that was rightfully assigned to her, she bought into Tak’s view that Zim’s very existence was a threat to all Irkenkind, gladly assisting her efforts to eradicate him.

-Mimi and the rogue SIR units have been reprogrammed to be less insane and follow orders again thanks to Tak and Skoodge’s efforts. However, Tak also had a berserk mode installed specfically for eradicating targets with optimal, brutal efficiency. Mimi still tends to glitch though. In addition to Mimi retaining her cat holo-disguise, the berserker SIRs would gain new disguises resembling either feral cats or rabid teacup poodles. (I hadn’t decided yet.) Tenn still gets anxious around them.

-Gretchen might show up again and would possibly get to reconnect with Dib, maybe even finally be honest with him about her feelings for him when she surprises him with her surprising new position at Membrane Labs: the janitor.

-Keef will… er, uh… actually, don’t get your hopes up.

Well, I think that’s everyone important. Okay back to the plot now!

So, right up front, the biggest part of the plot as well as the biggest reason why I got uncomfortable with the whole thing was there wiould be some romance in here between a few couples and that it would have figured into the plot. The most significant of all: ZAGR (a.k.a. Zim and Gaz Relationship). But I wanted to make it feel organic and even sweet without sacrificing the feel of sardonic madness but also keeping it in the wholesome zone.

I always felt like Zim and Gaz were a natural fit for each other (like quite a few other people, admittedly) because I always felt like their personalities were a good fit and they could have a lot in common. The story would follow them as they unexpectedly developed a romantic friendship, bonding over their resentment of the Earth and humanity, their absent family members, a love of technology of questionable intent, and subjugating those who anger them. It would all start with Gaz agreeing to help Zim improve his suit and his unassuming human act just to get back at Dib for annoying her. At first they’d be acting entirely out of spite and necessity, but as they spent more time together, they’d start to enjoy each other’s company more.

Gaz would be the first develop feelings, since she voluntarily rejected the concept of love instead of being programmed to reject it like Zim, as she slowly realizes how much they have in common—much to her horror. Zim would take more time but when he begins to understand how he feels about and just what these DISGUST feelings are, he’d handle it just as poorly. (e.g. I pictured a scene where Zim has such a hard time admitting his feelings for Gaz that he ends up vomiting black goo like he’s possessed or something. For comedy of course.) But they’d both start to open up to each other in the end, if only because they’re the only two people in the universe they can stand. Gaz would try to help him overcome his anxiety and stop caring as much about what humans think of him, while he would be someone that she can actually relate to.

Dib, however, would take sincerest offense to it. He’d be totally freaking out, nearly diving off the deep end to put his plans to defeat Zim into action and expose him before he could be exposed. He’d also make a point of demanding what Gaz could see in a monster like him, even reminding her of everything that Zim had done. Probably in an exchange like this:

DIB: He stole our organs! He tried to crush the planet with Mars! He kidnapped me and threatened to turn me inside out! He tricked me into helping him teleport Earth into outer space so his rulers could destroy it! He turned me into bologna, Gaz! (*holding back tears*) BOLOGNE!

GAZ: I thought you got over that.

DIB: Well, physically I did, yes, but not mentally.

Gir would be pretty on board with it though.

The other biggest plot of the series would have been Tak’s return and the reveal of her and the Tallest’s master plan to destroy Zim once and for all: kick off Operation Impending Doom 3 by placing Zim on trial, executing him, and completing Tak’s plan to turn the planet Earth into a snack bowl for the Tallest (which she still insists is a good plan, she just never got to complete it) big enough to feed them while they watch the conquest of the rest of the universe in style. Zim and the Membranes get through to her and her squad, and possibly the other Irkens, by turning them against the Tallest to stop the Irkens once and for all. Maybe.

Finally to wrap this little nightmare up, here’s a vague outline of the stories I had planned for this wannabe whopper:

-A Whole New Nightmare – Following an amusing prologue about how Zim and Dib ended up missing the battle of Meekrob, Zim finally realizes that his natural Irken height threatens to expose his façade to all the classmates who have reached proper adolescent human height. He creates his exosuit then proceeds to cause a scene when he calls the Tallest and goes to hi-skool. Meanwhile, Gaz bugs Dib about still wasting his time bullying Zim. Zim then challenges Dib to a contest of normalcy: a series of challenges that are just overhyped normal teenage things like loitering, hanging out with friends, and finally a dance-off. Whoever loses has to admit they’re a complete weirdo and admit they’re most embarrassing secret. Dib wins the first round, but after he blows off Gaz to hang out with the other kids, she and Zim strike up a nice conversation and he wins the second round. The final dance-off ends in a draw when Zim and Dib both end up looking like total dorks. The story ends with Dib and Zim standing up for themselves against their judgemental peers, but Zim ends up overtaking his big speech and convincing his classmates to completely forget about his bizarre new appearance.

-Gaz the Befriended - Zim and Gaz make a deal: Gaz helps him fine tune his suit while posing as his "NORMAL HUMAN!" friend, and in return he helps her figure out how to control her powers while posing as her friend so she won't have to go to anger management counselling. While they do drive each other nuts, they eventually learn they have a lot in common and start acting like real friends. Dib grows suspicious of their "friendship," sets out to uncover the truth.

-They Follow - Dib goes on social media to share his findings on Zim with the world in an attempt to verify all his evidence via wisdom of the crowd. Zim finds out and retaliates by joining social media as well to make himself look like a hard luck case in an effort to gain sympathy from the (basically ignorant) public. As their war of words escalate and their follower bases grow, they end up starting a flame war that threatens to destroy society itself.

-Star Dib - Hoping to find some real help, Dib sends a message to outer space looking for reinforcements. He ends up with what remains of the Resisty, who dissolved after their crushing defeat on The Battle of Meekrob. Taking pity on them, he volunteers to become their new leader. Shenanigans ensue on a galactic level.

-C for Conspiracy - Dib stumbles across a mysterious conspiracy involving Earth tech being backwards compatible with alien tech. He wants to take it on himself, but realizes that he might actually need Zim’s help. So he has to swallow his pride and ask him for help, and as if that weren’t enough he has to put up with his and Gir’s (who tagged along) antics.

-Night of the Living Prom-goers - Prom night comes along and all the hormonally-imbalanced kids are ready to go, except for Zim, Dib, and Gaz. Until Gaz works up the nerve to ask Zim out, which he actually accepts. While Gaz prepares for her perfect tolerable evening, Dib desperately tries to convince her that Zim’s up to something while trying uncover his true motives, only for her to snap at him and challenge his views on Zim. Little do either of them know, Zim plans to use the prom as an experiment to harness Gaz’s power for his own ends. But at the same time, he ponders whether his friendship with Gaz is just a means to an end or something more. Either way it will be a night they will never forget. Or survive! Probably.

-The Return of Tak’s Revenge Rises - Tak finally returns to take her revenge on Zim and the Membrane siblings. Striking them when they least expect with the aid of an upgraded MiMi, a squad of berserk SIR units, and two fellow invaders Zim had wronged in the past.

-Doomed Together - Following Tak’s strike, the Almighty Tallest kick off Operation Impending Doom 3 with a mission of utmost importance: sending in the Irken Armada to ensure Zim is destroyed once for all so they can finally proceed with absolute universal domination. Now, Gaz, Dib, and some unlikely allies must come up with a plan to save their even more unlikely new friend and the rest of the universe from the most fearsome force in the universe! It’s basically the grand finale.

And that is all there is, or was, to Taller Tales of Terror. I can’t guarantee I’ll ever revisit it, what with all the other stuff on my plate right now, but I’m glad to have finally shared the story of my first fanfic with y’all.

So, tell me, my filthy monkey maggot mutual friends. After all that horrible rambling, what did you think?

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emachinescat · 4 years

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And That Would Be Enough

A Merlin Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat

@febuwhump day 27 - “I wish I had never given you a chance”

Summary: In a moment of grief, Arthur says something to his newly appointed Court Sorcerer that he instantly regrets.

Characters: Merlin, Arthur

Words: 2,752

TW: None

Note: Emotional whump is still whump, right? :) This was written while sick, and I didn't have time to edit, so please bear with me if there are any mistakes. I will go back and edit after posting; I'm on a bit of a time crunch. This takes place in an AU Camelot where Arthur lives, the knights are all alive, and Merlin is made Arthur's court sorcerer.

Keep reading here, or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging, and you can follow me for more content like this! :)

Words are powerful things. As king of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon knew very well how a few simple words had the power to heal or to destroy, to build or to tear down, to foster friendship or feed hatred. He had seen words ruin lives, give hope, change the course of entire nations. His own words had impacted his kingdom and the people around him in unprecedented ways.

The words of a king held the potential for great and terrible things, which was why Arthur always chose his words as king so carefully. The words of a grieving friend had just as much power for making or breaking a world, if not more so – and despite all his diplomacy, all of his training, the king of Camelot still struggled to choose his words wisely when he was hurting, particularly when he was speaking to those closest to him. Perhaps that is the way of humanity – we allow our naturally self-destructive nature to chip away at the relationships and people that mean the most to us, and sometimes, when life spins too far out of our control, we snap, and words that we do not mean, never would mean, come flying out like an arrow from a ranger’s bow, aimed straight for the hearts of our dearest friends.

Now, Arthur Pendragon’s words had changed no one’s life more completely than his former manservant, Merlin’s. Just a week ago, Arthur’s lips had formed the words in front of his court and Camelot that Merlin was not only to be a freeman of Camelot, but that magic was legal in the kingdom after over twenty-five years of fear and hatred for peaceful magic users, and that it was Merlin, his new Court Sorcerer, who would oversee the magical protection of Camelot, and who would ensure that magic was only used for good. Arthur would never forget the disbelieving joy shining in Merlin’s eyes in that moment as he gazed out upon the home that finally accepted him, looked at his king and saw nothing but pride and friendship in his gaze where he had once feared fear and judgment. It had been a staggering moment for Arthur, that weighty realization that Merlin had truly lived his life in fear of being killed because of how he was born, that the king was now witnessing a soul set free and the beginning of a new era. Never, he told himself as he watched his Court Sorcerer wave tentatively to the gathered crowd, would he allow Merlin to go back to feeling like he was a mistake, like he was a monster, like he wasn’t enough.

He meant that oath when he made it to himself. Unfortunately, tragedy has a way of taking our promises, even the most sacred ones, and stripping them from us like bark from a tree. Pain and loss break us down and force us to our knees and pull hurtful words from the pits of our pain and we throw them around at those who want nothing more than to help us.

The attack on the patrol had been unexpected and brutal. For the first time, king and warlock had fought openly, side by side, and Arthur saw yet again how powerful his clumsy friend truly was, and his heart swelled with pride and love for the man who had stood so loyally by his side for so long. Merlin protected his king and the knights diligently, but as so often happens in any battle, someone strayed too far from the group and fell through the cracks. Merlin tried to save Sir Arnold, a young knight who Arthur had personally scouted, recruited, and trained as part of his initiative to bring in more loyal and talented men regardless of nobility. Arnold had been a farmer’s son from a small village on the outskirts of Camelot, and he was a natural fighter, a brave, selfless young man who had wormed his way into the hearts of Arthur and his men.

He was only twenty years old when he was killed in the senseless, stupid bandit attack, and though Arthur had seen Merlin fight, watched the pain at the loss fill his eyes the moment that Arnold fell, the king’s grief and loss shrouded his vision and he lashed out after the battle at the only person who might have been powerful enough to stop it and hadn’t. He knew that Merlin had done everything he had to protect all of them, and knew that Merlin too had been close to the young knight, who had thought magic was the most amazing art in the five kingdoms and had followed Merlin around like a loyal pup, bright eyes alight for more displays of magic. And yet, despite knowing this, Arthur’s words careened out of his grasp in his shock and pain, and he said words to Merlin that took everything his closest friend held dear and smashed it to a million pieces. Never had Arthur regretted words he had spoken so desperately the second they left his tongue.

“I wish I had never given you a chance! What’s the point of your magic, Merlin, if you can’t keep the people who trust in you alive? Arnold trusted that you would keep him safe, and you let him down. You failed him. Maybe my father was right. Maybe magic’s more trouble than it’s worth!”

He didn’t mean a word of it, of course. But Arthur had just watched a young man who had had so much potential die before his eyes, cut down by a bandit’s sword – a weapon normally so useless in the face of magic. Grief had sunk its raking claws into his flesh and spit vile lies into his ears, and he lashed out at the person who had just saved his life, and everyone else’s – Gwaine’s, Elyan’s, Lancelot’s, Percival’s, Leon’s, Arthur’s lives. One person had gotten himself into danger that even Merlin hadn’t been fast enough to stop. And yet, instead of focusing on the fact that Merlin had saved everyone else, instead of thinking about how Merlin would already feel guilty and devastated at his perceived failure, Arthur allowed his emotions to twist his words into something to harm, not to heal, and he watched with horror as Merlin’s tentative grasp on control and self-worth crumpled with his face.

Arthur could feel the glares of his knights on him the moment the words escaped, but he had eyes only for his Court Sorcerer, who was backing away with a horrible, broken look in his eyes. Arthur reached out a hand as if trying to grab the hurtful things he had said, as if trying to snatch them back. But it was too late, and he lowered his hand. “Merlin, I–”

Merlin shook his head, and Arthur could see him trembling. “I’m sorry, Sire,” the sorcerer said, then he turned and disappeared, quite literally, into thin air. Arthur knew he wouldn’t be far – he wouldn’t leave them unprotected, but decided to give Merlin time before he pursued this again. Meanwhile, he knew, his knights would not be pleased with him, and as he predicted, they made no attempt to hide their disapproval for his treatment of his closest friend. Arthur carried Sir Arnold’s body on his own horse, and the ride back to the citadel was passed in solemn silence.

Arthur dearly missed Merlin’s company during the short but hard ride home.

***

That evening, after Arthur had personally spoken to Arnold’s poor father, had somehow found it within him to give him the news that no parent ever wanted to hear, Arthur found himself on The Balcony – the one that his father, and now Arthur himself, used to look out upon his kingdom and address his people.

For a while, he just gazed out at the citadel, at the manifestation of all that his father before him, and then he himself, with Gwen and Merlin and his knights by his sides, had built and refined. After a while, he realized that he was no longer alone, though he could see or hear no one.

“I can tell you’re there, Merlin,” the king said heavily.

Merlin shimmered into view to Arthur’s left. The king glanced over, slightly amused, mostly proud, to see that Merlin had unconsciously adopted the same stance as his king – spine erect, hands folded and forearms resting on the railing, chin high and face set firm. In that moment, Arthur felt power and nobility radiating off of the sorcerer more acutely than he ever had before. For the first time, perhaps, he could truly feel the weight of the destiny Merlin had told him about, see the prophesied warlock Emrys stand tall with the world placed squarely on his shoulders. Arthur felt an aching desire to take some of that weight from his friend and bear it on his own back.

Instead, because it was the only way he knew how to deal with his emotions and affection for his former servant, Arthur complained. “It’s freaky that you can do that, you know.”

“Do what?”

“Turn yourself invisible. Are you sure it’s a power you can use responsibly?”

He imagined an amused smirk on Merlin’s lips, but when he glanced over at his friend, the warlock’s face had not changed; it seemed to have been carved from stone.

And so Arthur pushed back his fear and discomfort and grief and pain and said what he truly needed to say, despite how uncomfortable it was, despite how much he felt that he had no right to even speak to Merlin in that moment, let alone request his forgiveness, his friendship. “I cannot express how sorry I am for what I said to you today.”

This time, Merlin shrugged – Arthur caught the motion in the corner of his eye. “You spoke the truth, Sire.”

Arthur really hated it when Merlin called him Sire .

“No, I didn’t,” the king insisted, and when Merlin continued to stare forward, he couldn’t help himself – couldn’t stand to see Merlin shouldering a blame and a pain that Arthur had helped put there, had encouraged with thoughtless words and his own misplaced grief. He reached out, grabbed Merlin by the shoulders, and spun him around so they were facing one another. Merlin looked up at him, and Arthur saw why Merlin had refused to look at him.

He was crying.

Arthur let go of his friend’s thin frame so abruptly it was as if he had been burned. “Gods, Merlin, I’m sorry. I had no right – no right – to make you feel like Arnold’s death was your fault.”

A tear crawled down Merlin’s face, caught on the edge of his cheekbone, and hovered there for a moment that spanned eternity. Finally, it plunged, disappearing into the neckerchief that Merlin had insisted he keep wearing despite his new and improved title.

“You made yourself very clear,” the warlock said in the most measured voice he could muster. Anyone other than Arthur might have been fooled by the stoicism, but the king, who had known Merlin for so long and been through so much with him, heard the tiniest of tremors and could not recall a time that he hated himself more than this. “And anyway,” Merlin continued. “You were right.” He spread his hands out wide, and magic, cerulean sparks of light that Arthur had come to associate with everything good that Merlin was, sprang to life between them. As the king watched, the color changed from blue to purple to a dark, blood red. “What is the point of my power if it can’t protect everyone ?”

Arthur, having been reminded so fully the power of words, chose his next ones very carefully. “No one,” he said slowly, “not even the great Emrys , not even my oldest, dearest friend, can take care of everyone all the time.”

Another tear rambled down Merlin’s cheek, curled around his trembling chin before dropping off to join the first. “But you were right, Arthur. Arnold – he trusted me.”

“And he was right to.” Arthur put every ounce of conviction he possessed into his assurance. “I saw what happened, Merlin. The moment he was hit, you were protecting Gwaine from a surprise attack from behind. Your back was turned at just the wrong moment. Arnold had wandered out of your line of sight, as well. And you did everything to save him when he went down.”

“It wasn’t enough.”

“Sometimes our best isn’t enough,” Arthur reminded Merlin. “But we have to make it enough. We have to understand that even if we can’t protect everyone all the time, that we ourselves are still enough. As long as we try , it has to be enough.”

“Well, it’s not.”

“I know.”

They stood in silence, and they grieved their fallen friend. Somewhere along the way, Arthur’s hand found its way onto the back of Merlin’s neck, and without either of them realizing it was happening, the king pulled his dear friend into an embrace, and together they wept for the good man that had been lost.

When Merlin finally drew away, his eyes red and puffy – Arthur knew his own must look the same – he managed a shaky smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but Arthur knew that for now, it would have to be enough. “I know you didn’t mean what you said,” the warlock acknowledged.

“But it still hurt you,” Arthur observed. Merlin dropped his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does . Merlin, I would be dead a million times over if it weren’t for you. So would the knights. But – but , that does not mean that if something happens to one of us that you failed. You may be magic itself, but you’re still only one person.”

“Technically, I’m two,” Merlin argued miserably. “And Emrys is supposed to keep everyone safe.”

Arthur studied his friend in the moonlight, then patted him kindly on the back. “When I look at you, whether you’re doing powerful magic or tripping over a blade of grass, I don’t see Emrys and Merlin – I just see you . And you keep me safe, you always have. You do your job, and you do it well, Merlin. Sometimes, people are lost, and it hurts . But the only person you have control over is yourself. Something I have had to learn the hard way as king is that you can’t always keep everyone safe. You just have to do your best.”

Merlin sniffled, and he now looked like a lost child rather than a powerful sorcerer. When he spoke, his voice was thin, weak. “Do you still wish you’d never given me a chance?”

The question, asked sincerely, struck Arthur in the heart like an assassin’s blade. “I never should have said that,” he said earnestly. “And I know that I hurt you, and that you will spend years fighting those words said in a moment of pain, but I promise you that I will not rest until I have convinced you of the truth – that I have never been happier, or more proud, to have you by my side, old friend. I’m delighted to have given you – and your magic, and our destiny – a chance.”

“Maybe you have the makings of a great king, after all,” Merlin joked, and this time, the tiniest of smiles glinted in his eyes. He added mischievously, “Tell anyone I said that, and I’ll turn you into a toad.”

Arthur smirked. “I don’t know, Merlin – maybe being a toad would be easier than all of this.”

They sobered at the collective thought of the friend they had lost. Merlin scrubbed his face with the back of his hand. After a moment of subdued silence, he took up the olive branch his king had offered him and joked, “But just think about how many things would want to kill you if you were a toad.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “And that’s different than now because…?”

Merlin gave a curt nod as the two, in some unspoken agreement, turned and began to make their way back into the castle. “Fair point.”

“Either way, though,” Arthur pressed, jabbing his elbow playfully into Merlin’s side, “I’d have you to protect me, right?”

Merlin took far too long to think about his answer.

“Merlin!”

“It’s just I’m not too fond of toads,” Merlin admitted.

“Merlin!”

And side by side, king and warlock made their way through the grief and uncertainty and guilt and hurt the way they always did –

Together.

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imaginesforallkindoflove · 4 years

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Writing commission for @soulnottainted ! Thank you so much!!! I really hope you like it!! 💕💕

Sitting down with a sigh on the soft grass, the young woman closed her eyes, concentrating on the sounds of the vast nature that surrounded her. She had taken her drawing kit for the day, wanting to practice her art outside, rather than the warm and cosy inside of her home. It was sunny, and birds were chirping… For a moment it felt like a true lost paradise. Then, the tree besides her started to move slowly. The woman did not move, instead, she started sketching with a smile as the tree formed into a humanoid figure, made of woods, with a kind but stern face, red spitting fire as veins and blood and beautiful brown and amber eyes. It was taller than any house from the area, and looked very threatening to someone who didn’t know the creature. The woman didn’t fear him. How could she?

“Good afternoon, Yew.” She softly greeted, not glancing at him.

“Hello, young one.” He said, bowing his head a little. “What are you doing?”

“Drawing and painting, as usual.”

“You are right to do so. Art gives the ability to humans to show what they don’t see clearly. Some are so fogged into their dark views, and seeing a painting may open their minds." The giant tree explained.

Kelsey nodded as she listened, knowing how wise the being could be. She had grown up next to him, her parents telling her amazing stories about the tree that could take a human form, giving words of advice but also incredible tales for the people he chose.

People would find him terrifying, as he was so tall and had a deep voice. Also, he was not something you could observe any normal day. After what her parents recalled of him, Kelsey realised how much time the man tree spent with her. He always was present, like a grandparent figure to her and gave her sweet advice on how to handle life.

She cared a lot about him, and he was feeling the same way about her.

"What are you doing out there, didn’t you have your… exams to do?" Yew asked in a hesitant voice, trying to not make the young woman anxious.

"I finished them actually." She replied with a smile as she glanced at him. "I am drawing you."

"Are you?" He questioned, surprised. "Can I see?"

The young woman nodded and stood up with her artwork. She handed the piece of paper to small branches that grew out of Yew's body, and watched with amazement as the drawing made its way toward Yew's face. He was such a beautiful, tender, caring and intelligent being.

"I believe it is well made!" He exclaimed lovingly as he dropped the drawing back to its artist. "You always had so much talent, little one."

"Thank you! You pushed me to do the best, you know? I am glad you are here with me." She smiled again, rushing to hug him.

Well, hugs were something difficult to do with Yew. He could crush with so little efforts, but he always made sure to not hurt her during those sweet moments. He never had been close to anyone but her for a long time. Sometimes he had been lonely for years, without anyone to speak to!

But they found a way luckily. Yew would grow smaller branches, looking like arms, and Kelsey would hug him, feeling warm and bubbly as the tree branches touched her skin. She truly considered him like a grandfather, and always was fascinated by his stories. She regretted that sometimes, she was too caught up in her work and busy with life in general, she would leave him alone for some days. But, the young woman always came back to him, apologizing about it, and Yew didn’t seem to mind. He understood perfectly, always wishing her the best in life.

“Are you interested in a story, little one?” He asked. “One with a moral perhaps?”

“Oh yes! You know how much I love your stories!” The young woman replied, her eyes shining with excitement as she sat down on the grass.

The creature lowered his head too, his body cracking in multiple places, but he showed no sign of being hurt or being bothered by this. He thought for a few moments, closing his eyes to choose his next tale. Kelsey watched him patiently, but bearing a soft smile on her face. She was very interested with what the giant will share with her.

“There once was a lion, a mighty one, the king of all in the land. He was fierce, strong, powerful and everyone respected and feared him. As he was sleeping, a mouse had accidentally woken him up. The king was absolutely furious about this, ready to assassinate the one who had bothered him in his sleep. However, the mouse implored for his life, telling the lion that killing him would solve none of his problems, and that the mouse would be a pity prey to kill. The lion agreed with this, and released the young mouse.” Yew started. “Later, as he was roaming around his kingdom, the lion king fell into a trap: a solid net that he could not escape from. Feeling the poachers would come soon for him, and seeing he could not free himself from the trap, the lion roared, in hopes someone would realise he was in danger or needed help. It was indeed a lucky day for him! The mouse he had spared earlier came to save him! The little animal ate the net, and helped the lion out. As they escaped the poachers together, the lion thanked the mouse, and promised him to never hunt down one of the mice.” The tree being finished. “So, tell me, little one, what do you think the moral of the story is?”

“That poaching is bad?”

Yew laughed at that. It was certainly true, hunting animals for their furs, or killing them for sport, or to have trophies were horrible and bad. He wondered how some humans could do that.

"Non."

“Sparing someone is good because they can help you back?” Kelsey managed to reply, after thinking intensively.

“Not quite, but you got the spirit. Actually, you can give a story like this multiple meanings. If the lion didn’t spare the mouse, he would have been murdered by the hunters. Every little act of kindness like that can lead to something greater. At least, that is how I appreciate that story.”

“Also, small friends can be powerful allies!” The woman exclaimed. “So, Yew, am I your little mouse?” She chuckled.

“I believe you are, my little one.”

After that tale being told, Kelsey laid down next to the sitting giant, observing the sky. Finally, she was done with her mid terms. It was something that had bothered her, and she really hoped she did good! But with Yew, she felt her anxiety dying down. The tree giant emanated a kind and strange aura that always seemed to appease her, and anyone around. She didn’t know much of the giant’s story, only that he was there to help those that were, sort of, misguided by life. He would tell them tales, and ask for a story in return. He helped them realise something about their lives, and managed to turn whatever situation into a good one.

He never spoke of those cases. It was perhaps the reason why he was created. He didn’t know who did, and never intended to find out. He had helped so much people in the past, and sometimes would disappear for a little more than a week. In Kelsey’s eyes, he was a hero to help those poor unfortunate souls. Yew would argue that he had to do what he had to do. It was not like it was his choice, he was called by those people.

“Yew?”

The giant tree made a grunt in response, telling her he was awake and would listen to what she has to say.

“Did you sometimes fail at… saving people?” She asked carefully, not wanting to scare him off with her question.

He was silent for a moment, and the young woman feared she had hurt his feelings. She stayed quiet too, not wanting the situation to worsen.

“I did, in fact, fail. Sometimes… Sometimes you can’t always change people, or heal them. Of course, I never really pushed them to do the wrong thing… But…” He sighed. “But I wish that some cases wouldn’t have finished in the way they did. It is hard to watch those little humans, those complicated beasts, struggling to understand, and failing to do so. I wish I could have done more for some men and women. I have to admit, sometimes, I do feel like a puppet, and I want to be freed from my chains, to help them more. I always come back anyway to my principles.”

“I am sorry you feel that way, Yew.” The woman said, putting her soft hand on his wooden body. “You are nothing of a monster.” She chuckled, remembering how some would call her precious grandfather figure.

“I do not care about how they speak of me. I do like that nickname tho. It makes me feel… powerful, and bigger.”

The woman snorted at that. Her own father had known Yew since he was a young child, and would call him the Monster too, but in a more… loving way. When her father would tell her stories of how he used to sneak out to hear the giant tree’s tales, she only thought he had a huge imagination as a child, and here she was, befriending him and always seeking advice from him and his stories. She truly felt like Yew was her grandfather, and she believed he felt the same way about her.

The first time she met Yew, she was about the same age as her father. She was playing around the old and tall tree, then fell asleep and woke up to a giant man holding her in his hand carefully. She did not scream, because she immediately felt connected to him, and since this day, she made sure to visit him often.

“Can you tell me a story?” She asked Yew. “Can you… create a tale? Just for me?”

“Just for you?”

“Just for me.” The woman repeated.

“Alright… Once upon a time, there was a young girl with a creative mind. Some people would have expected her to be lonely, fearing that the other children would cast her out. But no, she became very popular in her school, as she was unique. The other children weren’t, and they celebrated her uniqueness with her. There was one boy, however, who didn’t celebrate with the others. He was just a regular boy, quite a strange one if you asked the older women who gossipped between themselves as they watched the children. The young girl saw how alone the boy seemed to be, and tried to approach him many times. The boy pushed her away each time.”

“That is sad and unfair. Why would the boy do that? She is just trying to befriend him!” The young woman said.

“Patience little one. You have asked for a tale, and here it is. The boy was lonely, and seemed to hate the other girl. The latter told him if he wished to be with her, then she would welcome him with open arms. At one point, she stopped seeing him and the boy realised that being alone was not something he wished. When the girl stopped coming for him, stopped talking to him, he felt like a hole had been opened, and he needed her to cure him. So, at the end of the day, he joined the others to celebrate her uniqueness with everyone else. He confessed to the girl that he missed her, and revealed that no one had been making him feel this way, because she had revealed his own uniqueness. They celebrated their new friendship quickly after that meeting.”

“It was a weak story... “ She chuckled. “But I like it. It was cute.” She yawned.

“Come child, you are tired. You have to rest.”

The young woman nodded, and slowly made her to the giant. He offered her his giant hand for bed as usual, and she laid down on it happily, knowing she was safe.

“Rest now, Kelsey.” Yew breathed out gently as he watched after her.

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ganymedesclock · 4 years

Text

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

The lich king sits up, as much as he’s able to, in order to glare properly. Once was a time his gaze would have brought armies to their knees, seen questing knights weep and beg for their lives.

His recent annoyance shifts the piece of grass she’s chewing on slightly, meeting his eye in an unimpressed sidelong glance that leaves him with the same impression as if he is staring down a cow in a field.

It is fairly demoralizing. Not entirely- he can chalk it up to a lot of factors, one being that he’s been bundled inside a spare bedroll and really can’t move, and another being the bothersome jostling of the cart- but a certain part of his mind is distinctly put out that he would have hoped none of that would have stopped him from at least making her fidget.

Then again. That may be too much to ask for. In several thousand years of his existence and conquest, he’s never been swaddled like an infant.

Defeated in fury, he concedes to attempt words again: “What you are doing, is obvious. Your objective, is less so.”

“Well, for starters, you don’t seem like you were that athletic,”

“I was a peerless warrior in life, and as many died at my sword as perished from my magics.”

He’s vindicated that she at least grimaces at that. “Okay, that’s a bigger problem, then, but I guess it explains why none of your armor fit.”

He supposes in the indignity of being manhandled by a chubby girl in workman’s clothes seconds after the grand eclipse that was supposed to be his resurrection he hadn’t exactly taken stock, but it would give concerning illumination to how much trouble he’s been having moving, for reasons unrelated to the bedroll. “…If the implication is you’re some supplicant seeking to abet my revival, the manners of the ages have failed us all.”

“Oh, no, I’m not a worshiper. Can’t be, actually.”

This would suggest she is an enemy, and yet something about her candor drags the curiosity out of him. “You can’t?”

She produces the grass from her mouth, waves broadly with it. “Yeah, see- first time my mom caught me with a grimoire, she set three rules: Not In The House, Carol; Not In The Hayloft Either; and Don’t Pledge Your Soul To Anything Before You’re Eighteen, Or So Help Me Girl.”

The lich king hesitates, processing the unexpectedly voluminous package of information this single explanation has gifted him.

Then, in a warning tone that would chill the blood of braver creatures, “Am I a sort of project to you, girl?”

She seems wise enough to hesitate. Then, with a rueful smile, “would you accept an act of spite?”

Another day he might suggest he feels positively about spite, at least, but this is the day his dark resurgence was interrupted by being trapped in a bedroll. “Explain.”

“Breaking into investigation of dark sorcery is a highly competitive field. And, uh, short version: I need a recommendation from this horrible old pill, and he ran me off on a snipe hunt to your old tower, which- sorry to say, you’re a really interesting third century anecdote,”

(he bristled. He was not an anecdote.)

“-there’s basically nothing left and he knew it, but told me pretty clearly not to come back unless I had something to show for it. So, I figure, we work out some kind of deal, you get cleaned up and off on whatever a third century warlord really wants to get up to, and, in the meantime, I get my instructor to either eat his words, or, I figure, you can turn him into a salamander or something.”

“…A salamander.”

“I mean I don’t want him dead,”

“…You do realize that the vast majority of my arts do, in fact, render men into corpses rather than amphibians.”

“What, mister scourge of Olptheris can’t do a newt?”

He hates that she has a point.

“I was somewhat busy pursuing limitless magical power and my own undying transcendence while I was still mostly fresh.”

She flashed him a grin. “I’m pulling your leg, I can’t do newts either. Anyway, my point is, I’m sure you’ve got a blood curse against a really specific lineage somewhere-”

“I claim no account for anything I may have said in my death throes,”

“-but it’s been almost exactly three thousand years since the world as you know it, and, uh… I’m gonna guess you don’t even know what town we’re in.”

He hesitates. Considers.

“This is a poor wager, child, considering I am in a situation most would find deeply disorienting.”

“I’m not wrong, though,” she retorts, glibly.

“No, you are not. So? A petty act of spite is all it takes for you to be willing to unleash me onto the world?”

“Well, I’d be mostly unleashing you as a tourist, since the whole dissipation array they set up on your corpse shot your power far down enough that anybody who wasn’t really interested in ancient Olptherian cuneiform figured you were a total goner. It’s going to take you… probably about my entire natural lifespan, barring something dramatic happened, to get your power back, and, with that much time passing… you might change your mind.”

“I did not skin myself alive to be what one would consider a quitter, child.”

“Well, yeah, but, where did that end you up?”

He hates, he decides, the way that she speaks like she does not care, watching him with a dull face and lazy eyes, and in her meandering words places vicious, sharpened pins in ancient scars.

“You are something of a little monster, child.”

“Yeah, but, according to the cuneiform, you really like monsters.”

He considers- the doors of an age open to him. And who, truly, would seek him out, merely on a petty act of spite? Merely to be contrary, argumentative- to prove that they knew better? He recalls, distantly, when he spoke in the voice of an acolyte, clutching a ritual dagger in a dignified hall, arguing furiously with crowned and venerated heads that the theory was sound, that it was proven to work-

He smiles, flaunting a whole jaw of withered and rotting teeth.

“I am known on occasion.”

#original microfiction #readmore #Ganymede Fic Tag

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xxbyimm · 4 years

Text

The Redeemer - Fíli x Elf!Reader

Link to my Masterlist.

This was a (song) request by a lovely anon. It took me so long to write it (I am sorry for that), but once I did the words just flew on paper. Fíli is such a wonderful soul to write about and let me portray this soft side of him that I LOVE! I couldn’t wait to show y’all, that’s why I did not edit it as much as I usually do. It still can be a bit rough, but I think that adds to the charm.

Also: I used the requested song Redeemer by Paul Cardall to write this fic. Though it doesn’t appear in the story that explicitly, I tried to pour the deeper layers of the melody in this story. I highly recommend you listen it while reading.

The Redeemer - Fíli x Elf!Reader

Summary: It’s love at first sight when Fíli meets this elven reader. She plays the violin for him and Fíli makes a promise.

Warnings: Fluff, teenie tiny bit of angst.

Taglist: @soradragon @pistachiozombie @legolaslovely @tomisbaeholland @swoopswishsward @fizzyxcustard @deepestfirefun @ruthoakenshield @mariannetora @thequeenoferebor If you don’t wish to be tagged anymore, please let me know! Or if you’re not on the list and want to be tagged: check out my lists and I’d like to hear which list you want in on!

Everyone else was vast asleep.

Save for one. Fíli, the eldest son of Dís, lied wide eyed on the soft grass. His gaze was fixated upon the sky, where he admired the constellations and the soft light they emitted. On the ground, the little green blades beneath him tickled his feet and the prince smiled. Though the quest for the lonely mountain had just begun, Fíli already felt an overwhelming tiredness.

Not physically, no.

Fíli was a strong dwarf, used to physical combat and the harsh ways of the wild. He had spent enough time on the road with his uncle to know what it was like. No, this exhaustion was more of a spiritual kind. He loved his kin more than anything and he still was honored that Thorin had asked him to come along with the group, but… their constant bickering and loudness was taking a toll. Sure, even he knew he could be loud and annoying sometimes, but to function normally he also needed some time alone. A quiet place where his mind could wander, and where he eventually could let go of all the never ending clattering in his head.

One would say that the valley of the Imladris was the perfect place to unwind, but Thorin had kept his eldest nephew busy enough by barking around various orders. After a dreadful dinner with the elves, which had dragged on and on for hours, Fíli also had to endure all the impolite remarks the others made about the food, their hosts and the music that had been provided. Though not all had been the prince’s taste too, his amad had taught him to respect other cultures, even if it concerned elves. He knew Thorin and Kíli must have felt the same, but somehow they handled it a lot better than the golden lion did.

No, for now he had enough of the quest. And for the first time since he had left home, he longed for the blue mountains.

The golden lion had been lying on the grass for ages when soft, musical sounds reached his attention. Fíli pushed himself up his elbows and listened. The melody was gentle and light, but in that softness he found a profundity that touched his heart. A shiver went down his spine and the prince rubbed his arms. To him, the music spoke of gratitude and hope, but also of loss and a deep sorrow that time cannot mend. Fíli bit on his lip and without thinking further, got up on his feet and moved towards the source of the music.

She was absolutely the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Though she was quite short for an elf, she had this long H/C hair that framed her fair face and flowed over her shoulders up to her hips. Her purple dress was typical elvish: simple and majestic. Her eyes were closed as she swayed along with the melody she was playing. Fíli could have stayed hidden behind the trees forever, watching her skilled, long fingers play -no it was more a kind of caress- the violin, but his morals made him step into the clearing and thus make himself known.

Not that that she gave any inclination that she noticed his presence. Fíli stood there for a few moments and when he was about to clear his throat, when…

‘Oh, hello.’ She greeted him with a small curtsey and the music stopped.

‘Good evening, fair lady.’ The prince said. ‘I came to thank you for playing such a beautiful composition.’

‘I called it the Redeemer. It’s about hope and kindness.’

‘And about a great loss.’ Fíli added breathlessly. ‘Something time can’t mend.’

A faint smile appeared on her face. ‘You’re being too kind, master dwarf. My father said that your comrades didn’t seem to appreciate our musical arts during dinner and that he doubts if he can endure such insolence again.’

Oh, this again.

Fíli grimaced. ‘Please let me apologize for my comrades’ behavior. They don’t always appreciate the gentle things life has to offer.’

She inclined her head. ‘And you do?’

The prince shrugged. ‘I think I do, but how would I know? I mean, if one doesn’t have the ability to observe those things, one cannot appreciate them anyway. I think we all lack some perspective in a way, but that blindness doesn’t mean that the things we miss are not worthy of our attention.’

Her E/C eyes flashed with a passion he had not seen in an elf before and Fíli felt a tingly sensation in his stomach.

‘You’re different than the others.’ she said. ‘Why is that?’

The golden lion smirked. ‘You’re awfully inquisitive for someone who doesn’t even know my name.’

‘You are Fíli, son of Víli and Dís.’ She told him. ‘You are a prince of Durin and you’ve been invited by your uncle Thorin Oakenshield to join the quest to retrieve your homeland.’

‘Fine.’ He smiled. ‘You do know who I am. But can I at least know who you are in return?’

She nodded slowly. ‘You may. I am Y/N, youngest daughter of Elrond and Celebrían.’

‘Ah, an highborn elf.’ Fíli mused. ‘Sister of Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen.’

She gave him a knowing look, but somehow decided that she would not pursue the matter. Instead, she strolled towards the other end of the clearing and just when she was about to disappear behind the trees, she called.

‘Will you join me for a walk in the moonlight, prince Fíli?’

The golden lion cocked a brow. ‘I could.’

The night was passing more swiftly than they both liked to admit. First they had strolled through the garden where Y/N had showed him her favorite flowers. Then they admired the same fountains where Fíli had enjoyed a good bath earlier that day and when he told Y/N about it, she confessed she had seen them bathing. When they finally settled down next to a small runlet and she tentatively laid her head on his lap, Fíli knew something for sure.

Not only was she the most gorgeous lady he had ever encountered, her mind was even more beautiful. She was wise and kind, proud of her heritage, but unlike others she could see past that pride. She was clearly an intelligent creature, her imagination like a wild horse that does not like to be tamed. She possessed a moral compass and her view on life and the universe was intriguing. Fíli found himself hanging on her every word, and though some part of him found it ridiculous (she was an elf, after all), he couldn’t help but wanting to know more about her.

Something clicked. Something filled all the empty parts of his soul that he did not know he had missed before. Upon realizing that, he suddenly understood something very important. He had been looking for someone like her all his life, for she was his One.

‘I think my kin can be horribly distant and cold.’ She was telling him quietly. ‘Like they’re not a part of this world. But they are wrong about that-’

‘You are so beautiful, amrâlimê.’ Fíli whispered, his left hand slightly trembling as he brushed it through her hair. ‘Body and soul…’

‘What?’ she breathed, barely audible.

He purred and brushed his fingers over her pronounced cheekbones. ‘You heard me.’

She blushed gracefully. ‘Fíli…’

‘I’m merely stating that what I feel.’ The prince told her as he slightly bent over her.

‘So soon?’ she mumbled, her gaze flashing up and locking with his. ‘How can one be sure…?’

The golden lion smiled brightly. ‘You lot have thousands of years to figure things out. As a dwarf, I can’t afford the luxury of endless time. We know how fickle life can be, that’s why we act certain and swiftly.’

‘That must be so fulfilling…’ she said softly. ‘Living life to the fullest. Enjoying every moment, because you know you’re alive.’

‘It is.’ The prince promised. ‘Of course there’s sorrow and pain. But at least we have love, burning bright in our hearts, joy and laughter in between.’

They both fell quiet. Y/N lifted her head from his lap and rose, only to curl up on his lap once more. If she moved forward, her lips could kiss his forehead. Fíli gazed slightly up. His eyes darted along her exposed neck before he got lost in her beautiful E/C eyes. Y/N’s mouth opened slightly and her tongue wetted her lips, causing Fíli to groan.

Mahal save his soul.

He would lose his sanity if he had to continue staring (and doing nothing!) at her like this. With a strangled cry he surged forward, his mouth greedily taking in the soft flesh of her neck. She smelled as sweet as a flower. Her skin was hot under his touch, like the rocks in the wild feel when they have been baking in the sun the whole day. Y/N moaned, her hands reaching out and fingers digging in his clothing. He knew she felt the same way as he did and it was only a matter of time before she was his.

‘You are so perfect.’ She breathed when the prince kissed his way up to her jaw. ‘How is it- ah!- possible you exist?’

‘So soon?’ he teased with a smirk, lazily trailing over her jawbone. ‘How can one be sure?’

She laughed and it was the most beautiful thing he ever heard. Not even her violin could match that. That’s why her kiss that followed, took him by surprise. But the shock quickly died out, as it was a most welcome surprise.

‘Come with me.’ He begged against her lips. ‘Please.’

A soft gasp. Her cheeks flushed again. ‘I can’t.’

‘Can’t or won’t?’ he pressed.

‘We’re so different, you and I.’ she stated. ‘I don’t think your uncle would approve of an elf no less, tagging along. And my father-’

‘Oh live a little, you pointy ears.’ He jested while his thumb caressed her cheek.

‘Think a little, master dwarf.’ She grinned.

‘So we’re at a stalemate, huh.’ Fíli remarked. He didn’t want to admit it just yet, but the thought of leaving her behind was just horrible. How could he ever? He just found her!

She heaved a sigh. ‘I…’

‘No, I won’t ask such a thing of you.’ Fíli decided. ‘But then… I need to know if you will wait for me.’ he told her, his voice slightly trembling. ‘Here. In Rivendell. I swear to Mahal I’ll come back to you.’

‘Oh Fíli…’ Her eyes were swelling with emotion. ‘If you want to swear on anything…’ she breathed, reaching for the hem of his tunic. ‘Then swear on me.’

He was going to die.

The hateful, pale orc had him firmly in his grip. Fíli was swinging in the air, like a ragdoll, when Azog taunted Thorin Oakenshield with his latest catch. Fíli could see the hurt in his uncle’s eyes, the regret. Uncle would blame himself for the rest of his days for ordering his nephew to search the lower levels. But it didn’t matter. Fíli knew Thorin could not have known that he and Kíli were walking down a trap. Uncle wasn’t to blame. The piece of shit that was about to kill him, was.

The blade that stuck from the filths’ right arm came into view and Fíli knew that this was the end. He braced himself and managed to scream a harsh ‘RUN!’ to his kin. If he had to die to save the others, he would do it in a heartbeat.

His life flashed before his eyes. Amad, Kíli, uncle. Growing up in the blue mountains, causing mayhem whenever he and Kíli went. Amad at her wits’ end, uncle Thorin acting stern, but somehow always smiling too. Fighting lessons from Dwalin. Balin boring them to death with administrative tasks. The gullible but also sassy Bilbo Baggins, who turned out to be more resilient than anyone had thought.

Then her face came into view and Fíli smiled faintly. Y/N. If he had to regret one choice in life, it was that he had not taken her with him. She would have loved the wild and he would have loved to watch her discover the real world. On the other hand, now she didn’t have to witness him dying. But what would she do if the news finally would reach her? He had made a promise…

The blade moved. But somehow it never protruded his back, nor did it slit his throat…

First, there was a whistling sound which Fíli recognized as another blade, a small one. His favorite blade, to be exact. The one everyone underestimated, because it was small, but it was swift too and could move unseen.

Though that wasn’t possible, because he gave it to Y/N, before departing from Rivendell. It had been a promise, not made by prince Fíli, son of Víli, but by his own soul.

A howling sound followed and Fíli smacked on the ground. He growled in pain and rolled to his side. In a blur, he saw a slim figure jumping on the pale orcs’ back, screaming something he could not comprehend. His dagger was penetrating the orc’s right arm. The wound bled viciously, but Azog was accustomed to pain and reached for the elf.

Fíli saw a flash of H/C hair and his stomach turned. Then he gritted his teeth, got two of his knives and went for the orc’s feet.

‘Don’t you dare to die on me, you reckless dwarf!’ someone hissed. ‘I did not leave Rivendell only to bury you.’

‘I won’t.’ he murmured before opening his eyes.

He was lying in a soft bed, by the looks of it in a hastily set up infirmary in Erebor. Around him, injured dwarves, elves and men occupied the other beds. Y/N was sitting next to him, her hand grasping his. Her thumb stroked lovingly over his wrist. Mahal, she was here. It hadn’t been a dream.

‘How…?’ he managed to ask, eyes brimming with emotion.

‘Sssh.’ She hushed softly.

‘But…’

‘You liberated me, prince Fíli.’ She said quietly. ‘From a beautiful, yet shallow life. How could I not have come after you?’

‘You promised to wait.’ He said. ‘I would have come back. Didn’t you trust me?’

‘Of course I knew you would, but I was fed up waiting for something to happen. I’ve done that for far too long.’ she told him. ‘It was like you said. The world is out here, with you. I wanted to tell you that before you would…’ she fell silent.

‘Before what?’ the prince nudged.

She shook her head. ‘I feared you would forget about me.’

‘Oh, amrâlimê!’ He carefully got up and ignored her judgmental looks. ‘I’ve got this.’ He huffed. ‘I want to kiss these stubborn pointy ears, that’s all.’

‘You could have asked, you know.’ She smiled, while pushing him gently backwards against the cushions. ‘I’ll gladly assist.’

‘How could I ever forget about you?’ The prince inquired softly, moving his hands to cup her cheeks. ‘You are my One and I love you.’

She bit her lip and grinned. ‘You forgot to mention I saved you, reckless dwarf.’

‘That too.’ He chuckled and then grimaced in pain. ‘You saved my life.’

She hummed, lips brushing over his. ‘Are you going to kiss me or not?’

‘One thing, Y/N…’ he breathed. ‘Will you save me from being a reckless dwarf and make me the luckiest dwarf in middle earth instead?’

She blinked. ‘How?’

‘Well…’ he grinned. ‘By marrying me…’

Thank you so much for reading my humble story. Feedback is always welcome. Did you like my work? Spread the love and reblog! :) And here’s my Masterlist.

#fili #fili x reader #fili x you #fili fanfiction #fili request #the hobbit #the hobbit fanfiction #fili x elf!reader #I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED #fluff #and more fluff

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years

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100 followers special post: KorraSami Book 1

Today’s entry (sort of a little extra for 100 followers) is rather short and admittedly just the tip of an iceberg I want to tackle later on, as it relates to a certain issue with Dobson in general when it comes to his “support” of the LGBT community. In addition it is not a comic I want to talk about, but rather a picture. To be more precise this one:

Titled “Out of our way” and released around summer of 2015, this picture is obviously fanart in relation to KorraSami, the ship of Avatar Korra and Asami Sato, which unlike other ships in certain fandoms became even canon according to “Word of God” and some post tv series material. Now personally my opinion on KorraSami is a bit “complicated”. I do not hate it nor do I really think it is as “groundbreaking” as many, including Dobson, make it out to be. Reasons for that I am willing one day to discuss in detail, but not now.

And like with KorraSami, my opinion on the picture is also a bit complicated. To paraphrase John Cleese from a famous sketch: I may not know much about art, but I know what I like. So when it comes to things such as posture and linework I can not give too many critical details.

However, even I see from a technical point a few irksome details. Like how Asami’s hips move a bit too much perspective wise to the left, making it look like she would soon slip off the wheelchair, the sparks on the ground looking more like someone inserted shitty fries via MS Paint in the picture and Korra’s face looking like it was hit with a frying pan at least once. But honestly, I think it does not look that terrible and it is at least colorful.

That said, I think it highlights a certain issue with how Dobson perceives the ship.

Independent of my thoughts on the ship, I think Korra and Asami are pretty neat characters personality wise. They are both not flawless (in fact, Korra at the start of season 2 felt like any character development from last season was missing and don’t get me even started on how she would have almost started a world war because she was a whinny ass) but they are pretty strong and independent characters who went through a lot both as friends and as individuals over the course of the show. Well, that and they boned the same guy.

The thing with Dobson is, any time I see him do something with those two, that sort of badassery is not really on display. Instead his KorraSami fanart tends to be just whimsical fluff as seen e.g. here

And don’t get me wrong, I do not think fluff is bad. I like cute pics too and hey, the following two pics in regard of KorraSami by Dobson count for me as decent fluff, even if from a technical drawing point there are likely still flaws in the pic. Mostly because they are also related as pics to the world of the show they are part of, with the first one even showing interaction with someone other than the ship.

But I also think that just because you ship two or multiple characters, doesn’t mean you can’t also draw something of such characters as a power couple so to speak. In case of those two, perhaps something like fighting a group of Equalists, showing Asami building and working on something with Korra at her side metal binding something according to Asami’s instructions etc. You know, something that is both “cute” because in a way they do stuff as a couple, but also badass because it is about two characters doing something they were born for. Or not even necessarily badass. Just something that shows them in a situation that isn’t just mindless fluff or feels like you just randomly insert the characters into whatever you can think of, thinking that in itself makes it already shipping art.

Bottomline, Dobson when tackling KorraSami only focuses mostly on the mindless fluff of the ship. Which in my opinion is in so far an issue, as that it reduces this so called “groundbreaking LGBT representation in animation” just further down into something cute and rather shallow Dobson can adore. The characters are not appreciated for their personality, but fo their looks and how cute they look together. And frankly, can something be considered “good representation” when it is just pretty shallow on closer look?

This at least is one of multiple issues I have with KorraSami in general, but also in relation with Dobson. Others I can address later on someday. I also bring it up here mostly, because this “shallowness” is indirectly on display in “Out of our way” once you know a bit about why Dobson drew this and how it may even be a bit insensitive. Not for any living creature, but the character of Korra actually.

See, here is the thing: The inspiration for the pic was two things: A clip from an anime called Gekijouban To Aru Majutsu no Railgun (which I admittedly never saw in my life and do not necessarily intend to) as seen here

And the fact that Korra spends some time in a wheelchair over the course of the show. And considering that the scene from the anime is actually meant to be funny (as it actually ends with both characters crashing in the gras in a hilarious position), what sort of cartoonish antics resulted in Korra temporarily being in a wheelchair? Did she slip on water during waterbending? Break her leg in some heroic fight but took it in strife and even made fun of her situation? You want to know?

Korra was kidnapped, tortured, poisoned with mercury and almost killed by a group of four terrorists, resulting in her being physically crippled for a long time and suffering from mental trauma, depression and PTSD.

……..ehhhhhhhh….. Funny?

Yeah, on a technical level I do not think the picture is the worst, but as “fanart” when you consider any canon context involving wheelchairs and Korra… yaiks. I mean, tone deaf is a bit of an understatement.

And I am not making this up. The plot of season 3 of Legend of Korra involved a group of four elemental benders trying to kill Korra, because their leader thinks that if he kills her he can break the Avatar cycle and that in turn will bring in a new era where people take their lives as a whole in their own hands, instead of the fate of the world depending on a few chosen ones like the Avatar. To do so they kidnap Korra and poison her with mercury, which they forcefully bend into her body. This results in her going full avatar mode and fighting the main villain Zaheer, only to get her ass handed by him thanks to the poison and him almost suffocating her by bending the air out of her lungs. Korra was in fact closer to death than any other character I have seen in the show, including Aang. And the aftermath of Zaheer’s actions were horrible. Season 3 ended with Korra still recovering from the poison (which had been bended out of her body again), by being stuck in a wheelchair and it being obvious she needs to get through rehabilitation. And while she did put on a brave face in front of everyone, the final shot of the episode is her at a ceremony celebrating the air nations rebirth, a single tear going down her cheek, indicating that in a way she is broken. The hotheaded and overall determined Korra at her lowest point.

I will openly admit, when I first saw that scene, I was taken aback a bit how bittersweet if not outright depressing the ending was. Begging the question, how by the time season 4 would roll in, Korra would have recovered. Turned out, not well. Not only was season 4 set three years after the events of the last one, but the first two episodes showed among other things how Korra went through rehabilitation in those years, how she was on more than one occasion on the brink of giving up and how she essentially went into hiding, not wanting to meet her friends again, abandoning her duties as the Avatar. She was not a sobbing mess, but she was broken. Not considering herself worthy of the title of avatar for the longest time and still suffering from physical and mental trauma because of what had happened to her. In fact, one of the better aspects of season 4 is how Korra tries to overcome her own trauma, in order to be strong enough to take on the fight against Kuvira before she can turn the Earth Kingdom completely into the Third Reich and take Republic City over.

In short, the picture of Korra in a wheelchair has a pretty significant and dramatic meaning for the character and the show as a whole. It is an important aspect of te shows storytelling and Korra’s final part of her character arc. Something with gravitas a lot of fans acknowledge. But Dobson sees it supposedly as something that gives way for a “badass and fun” pic with his favorite ship. And again, in my opinion, that is just tone deaf.I am not saying you can’t make a KorraSami pic with the wheelchair, but I think something with that motive should out of respect for the actual canon and its characters also be more somber than what we got here.

Which brings me back to how Dobson handles the couple in a shallower manner than it needs to be. Cause if he wasn’t just out for whimsical fun and fluff with his two favorite lesbians from Nickelodeon and would Korra and Asami consider more than just something to fawn upon based on looks, he could have drawn something more meaningful that genuinely showed how both are a decent representation of an LGBT-couple and interesting individuals. Cause being a couple when everything is fun and sunshine is one thing. Being there for each other when things are hard? THAT is the challenge and shows how much you really love someone.

#korrasami #andrew dobson #lgbt representation #lgbt #legend of korra #adobsonartwork #adobsonart #shipping #korra #korra comics #asami sato

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ts-unsolved · 5 years

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Final Wrap-up for Chapter One

((since chapter one will be coming to a close shortly and there is still an assortment of questions left over, here is a masterpost of responses to queries that couldn’t be addressed during the story!

[reminder: the ask box will be left open, however the characters are not available. please keep in mind that non-plot related questions will not be answered by the characters after this post.]

Anonymous said: ((Just wanted to tell you your drawings are so pretty and I love ur blog. That is all I have no braincells to ask questions))

Anonymous said: OKAY MOD I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH AND ITS SO COOL AND GOOD AND YOUR ART IS TOO!! sorry for caps I’m just excited

Thank you! Sorry I didn’t always get around to answering asks like this, but for every one that was sent in, I appreciated it with all my heart. You guys are angels 💖

Anonymous said: What is one haunted location you guys would really like to visit someday?

Poveglia is definitely the highest on the list for the notoriety alone, although they would likely never get the permission to go (the history in general is almost excessively horrible and tragic, so nothing good would come out of doing an episode there. Maybe it’d be good as a final-chapter type location? 🤔).

@anxious-fander-bean said: Hey Logan, have you ever tried swing dancing? It's really fun and good excersize! There's also a lot of bouncing and upbeat music, so Patton might enjoy it as well! ((I'm doing it. I need the qpp boys to be happy and have fun, bc they deserve it.))

(LOGAN: I’ll...consider it.)

You did it, you got them to go on some good ol’ platonic dates! B)

Anonymous said: I feel bad that I don't have any deep question or something along those lines, but what's your favorite thing to bake, Pat? - 💐

That’s alright! Questions don’t have to be deep to be fun/interesting.

(PATTON: Cupcakes! You can make so many different flavors, and there are tons of fun ways to decorate them!)

@why-should-i-tell-youu2 said: Why cant anyone else see the seal?

You need to have The Sight to be able to see demon sigils. Patton has this ability naturally, and Dee has it because Elliott taught it to him. Otherwise, Virgil and Roman would be the closest in terms of gaining this ability, but a scared/skeptical part of them is holding them back.

Anonymous said: My good dorks, is there a way to, I don’t know, get a better/more effective charm for your office? One that costs more than $10? -🍁

Anonymous said: Hey, Logan, potential naturalistic explanation for ya: depending on what the charm was made of, shifts in ambient room temperature could have caused minuscule expansions and contractions in the material that would eventually crack the charm. Do I believe my own explanation? Absolutely not. Am I grasping at straws for a non-supernatural explanation? Absolutely. And ambient room temperature doesn’t even begin to explain the red symbol around the charm

(LOGAN: Our budgeting is already a mess as it is, the last thing we need is to waste more funds on decorations. And that theory seems much more reasonable than the contrary explanation.)

Anonymous said: Is the demon that Pavreen summoned the same demon that possessed Elliott?

Anonymous said: Welp Virge SUMMONED A DEMON- (Why do I have a feeling Remy was the demon that possessed Elliot-)

Nope, they’re all different demons! The demon that Parveen summoned is notoriously difficult to contact, so a bunch of teenagers wouldn’t have been able to do it. Likewise for Remy; you can only summon him once you have his True Name, and he’s already destroyed most references to that (sorry Patton).

Anonymous said: omg omg omg what part of mythology is remy part of???

He’s not from any particular mythology, but he is partly based off of Alps from German folklore and the general mythology around sleep paralysis!

Anonymous said: Can Patton see supernatural beings like ghosts and demons and stuff? I just think it would be interesting if his scars make him able to see them :3c

Anonymous said: If both Dee and Patton can see the sigil, and Dee can see ghosts, does that mean Pat can see ghosts too? With the whole red glowing thing (forgot what its called) it seems to be connected.

Yes he can see ghosts/demons, and you’re right that the scars (or rather the deal with the demon which gave him his powers and scars) are what lead to him being able to do it. The red is just a general indicator of something supernatural/not of our Realm.

Anonymous said: Wait so if Patton and his family all have that mark could that mean Patton is not completely human 👀 -🌈

I supposed you could say that Patton’s not entirely human because he’s a witch who was born without a soul, but he’d find that pretty offensive tbh.

Anonymous said: Are Elliott and Patton maybe related, even distantly? Also, roman needs to suck it up and have Feelings for the Snake Man

There’s no relation between Elliott and Patton. Elliott is the child of a seer and a psychic, Patton is the son of witches. They’re similar, but different. (Also you’re assuming that Roman hasn’t liked the Snake Man since high school, but considered him off-limits because he’s his brother’s best friend).

Anonymous said: Does Patton know that Dee can see spirits and does Dee know that Patton is protecting them all?

Anonymous said: Dee, pat, do you know that each other can see the sigil?

Anonymous said: is ... is patton a witch and dee a dee-mon and that's why they don't like each other.....?

Anonymous said: Pat what do you think about making deals with demons?

They’re both aware of each other’s secrets! Technically they’re both doing their best to protect everyone, but that doesn’t mean they agree with each other’s methods or bond over the shared responsibility.

Patton is indeed a witch, and Dee is a regular human who happened to summon a demon one time. Patton thinks Dee is the occult equivalent of a satanist, which he disagrees with because dark magic is unnatural/dangerous in his eyes (making deals with demons only leads to trouble!), and would prefer Dee not endanger his friends. Dee doesn’t like Patton because of his perceived moral superiority, and finds the way he can be so secretive and two-faced creepy

Regardless, they’re both sitting in glass houses and have more in common than they think.

Anonymous said: Patton Should Hug Dee *

Maybe. But he won’t. 8′D

Anonymous said: Since Dee has been able to see ghosts for a long time, was he an open believer in ghosts before Elliot died? Since it was mentioned that the reason he lies about his belief is because he knows that they're dangerous, he wouldn't have had a reason to hide it in the past. And if he did are any of the others aware of the belief change? Well, besides Remus. I'm guessing that one is pretty obvious.

He may have been more involved as a believer in the past, though that doesn’t mean he was ever super open about it. He was aware of how it would look like to outsiders (being genuinely skeptical at one point himself), so he wasn’t going to paint a target on his back by talking about ghosts and demons and things most people can’t see.

Of course, that didn’t stop people from stereotyping and making those sorts of assumptions about their friend group anyway, but no one besides them really knew about their secret-- not even Virgil.

Anonymous asked: What would happen if one time, the gang ended up getting something supernatural on camera?

The result of that would depend on the being. Ghosts can kinda appear on camera, although it’s very rare for them to appear as a full bodied apparition, which is why they usually only manifest in spirit orbs or light/shadows. Poltergeists are better since they’re able to interact with objects, but likewise since they can’t manifest into a physical form they can easily be brushed off. Demons and other miscellaneous creatures will straight up not appear if captured directly on film; you’ll simply get video glitches and distortions.

So essentially, they may technically have found something already, but capturing evidence that’s also compelling is a lot more difficult than you’d think. I imagine there’s a good chance that anything legitimate wouldn’t get taken too seriously because of how easy it is to fake evidence nowadays.

Anonymous said: Okay so a little bit of a rant but not really ig but imagine the ladylike and unsolved crossover for this AU like I can see it as like Thomas' friends dressing up Roman and Dee in style and seeing a blushing mess and maybe flirting going on because of how good the clothing complements each other but this is kinda a weak idea lol

It’s not a weak idea at it, it’s really cute! (though I may just have a soft spot for the Ladylike cast and crossovers).

The only thing to note is that I’ve chosen not to include Thomas’ friends in this AU because I personally weird about writing fiction about real people? (I was on the fence about including character!Thomas for a while too, tbh). So, apologies to anyone who’s sent similar asks or wanted to see any of Thomas’ friends; they wont be around!

Anonymous said: Did Dee and Remus ever have that talk Dee said he would try to have a while back????

They might have gotten the opportunity to chat back when Remus came back to help shoot the Room 1046 video. It wouldn’t have been a complete reconciliation by any means (dealing with years of baggage in one sitting is Hard), but now Remus is aware that Dee is open to discuss things again at some point in the future, so progress!

Anonymous said: wait wHAT?! When did he (Emile Picani) die?? Give us the deets oh wise one

Anonymous said: emile is... dead? what happened?

I see y’all, but unfortunately you’re not getting any answers from me just yet! You’ll have to wait until the next chapter~.

Anonymous said: Shit is about to go down and I am worried about the next ghost "adventure"

:) Don’t Worry About It.))

#OOC #((that should be all the big questions!#i'll update this later if anything comes up))

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felixfeliciswriterblog · 4 years

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Snapetober 2020 - Day 5: Sick/Fever

This was inspired by my main Snape x OFC Severitus fic, but you don’t need to read it to understand it or enjoy it ;)

Warnings: Snape throws up? Idk if that can bother someone. I don’t really describe it in depth or anything XD

Length: 2053 words.

THE PERKS OF BEING CURSED

During Potions class, Professor Snape normally walked from desk to desk, sneered at some so-called dunderheads for being incapable of following the instructions in the blackboard, and generally made sure as few accidents as possible occurred, especially when Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan were involved. He had started off the Erumpent Potion class that way. Fifteen minutes later, he had begun to lean on the desks and walk too slowly. By mid-class, he had given up altogether and sat at his desk, pretending to correct essays even if his quill kept slipping through his trembling fingers. Draco had been stealing glances at his teacher through it all.

“Make sure Crabbe and Goyle don’t spoil the potion,” Draco whispered to Blaise, getting off his stool.

“Where are you going?” wondered Pansy, the one in charge of noting down all the changes the unfinished potion underwent.

“To the loo.”

Both Blaise and Pansy eyed him suspiciously but still gave him a nod. Without wasting time, Draco approached his professor.

“Sir?”

This close, Draco noticed two things. First, Snape’s forehead, usually knitted into a scowl, was now glinting with sweat. Second, Snape’s face was pallid, more so than usual.

“The instructions are clear, Mr. Malfoy. Read them carefully before interrupting me,” he advised, keeping his black eyes on the parchment with barely legible handwriting.

“I’m sorry, Sir. It isn’t about the potion. I need to go to the toilet. It’s an emergency.”

There was a brief pause in which Draco held his breath.

“You may go. Do be quick, Mr. Malfoy.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you.”

Draco walked along the corridors, went past the boys’ toilets, climbed up the stairs, and reached the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. The desks formed a U-shape inside of which the first-year students produced jets of red sparks from their wands, some more successful than others. As soon as he spotted Professor Skyrah, closely observing her students and taking notes to later grade their performance, Draco called her. That caught the attention not only of his teacher but also of a few students, now staring at him.

“I’m sorry to interrupt. Professor Snape’s got a message for you. A private one.”

Immediately, she beckoned Draco to approach her desk and cast a muffliato charm.

“Nobody can hear us now,” she assured him. “You may speak.”

“Did Professor Snape meet with the Dark Lord last night? He was crucioed, wasn’t he?”

With squinting eyes, she inquired, “Why are you asking?”

“Did he drink some potion against the cruciatus curse after-effects?” Her lips remained pursed. “I’ve been observing Professor Snape in class. He looks… dizzy. He can’t stand, is sweating, slightly shaking. I’m not a healer, but my father’s gone through that once or twice after drinking that potion. I’d say they’re side-effects.”

“Severus only had a bit of a headache this morning.”

“With all due respect, Professor, I didn’t risk lying to my Head of House just for his wife to think I’m making this up.”

“You lied to my husband?”

“I asked for permission to go to the toilet, but I came here instead.”

“You never go to the toilet mid-lesson… He must be truly sick if he didn’t catch that you were up to something.” She closed her eyes, took a big breath and smiled – it wasn’t the reaction Draco had expected from her. Everything fell into place when she drew circles with her wand and pronounced, “Expecto Patronum!”

The same crow he had met during his first Defence class with her flapped its wings in front of them. The students who had taken notice of Draco earlier were now gasping in awe. Draco couldn’t help but admire the crow with bitter jealousy; what he’d give to invoke a corporeal patronus someday, and maybe prove his aunt Bellatrix wrong and show her Malfoys were also capable of that.

“Argus, it’s Skyrah. Please, come to my classroom. I need you to watch over the students for me. It’s important.”

The crow flew away to deliver the message.

“I should get going, or Professor Snape will realize I’ve lied to him,” said Draco.

“He’ll realize anyway. There’s no other way I could have found out about his… state.”

“...Will you cover me up?”

“Should I?”

“I should receive House points. I may have just avoided a potions accident by telling you. The erumpent potion is quite dangerous.”

She smirked at his cheekiness. “Must I forget that you lied to your Potions teacher?”

“What was I supposed to do? Tell him that he looks like a ghost?”

“That wouldn’t have ended well,” she agreed, grinning lopsidedly. “Why didn’t you go to Poppy?”

He shrugged. “I have no idea if Madam Pomfrey knows anything about the cruciatus curse treatment. I figured that you, on the other hand…”

“Would have some experience,” she finished for him, not confirming it nor denying it.

With a swish of her wand, the muffliato charm was removed. She targeted a silver service bell on the teacher’s desk and pressed it with an uttered sonorus. The ringing noise was loud enough to command the attention of the entire class.

“Training time is over. I’m afraid my presence is required elsewhere,” she informed, standing up. A bunch of students made sounds of protest which became louder when they caught sight of the inseparable duo of Filch and Mrs. Norris. Skyrah gave the caretaker a thankful nod and addressed the students once again. “Next day we will discuss how to defend ourselves against gytrashes. For us to succeed, we first need to understand how the dark creature acts. Therefore, you ought to start reading on them right now, chapter five, and write down questions in case you have them. Argus will supervise the class. If you don't behave yourselves, I’ll know, and you won’t like the consequences.”

She shot a meaningful glance to the quartet of troublemakers of the class and left the classroom, Draco close behind her. He had to match his strides to her quick pace and fight the urge to roll his eyes at the portraits’ whines. Apparently, the click-clacking of her shoes had disrupted the sleep of those that were too lazy to do something other than napping. It was the same sound that alerted Draco’s classmates. When they saw it was Professor Skyrah, accompanied by Draco, whispers filled the potions classroom. Severus didn’t react until Skyrah and Draco were standing right in front of his desk. Even then, he raised his head slowly, grimacing.

“Mr. Malfoy, I see your supposedly short trip to the toilet has become an expedition of sorts. Ten points from Sl–”

“If you deduct points, I’ll give them back.” She paused to cast the muffliato charm again and have a private conversation, even if they were the center of attention. “You look horrible.”

“You’re the very definition of ‘flatterer’.”

“It isn’t the time to be sarcastic, Severus. You can’t teach in this state, much less a highly explosive potion. It is a matter of safety. Draco did well by telling me you’re sick.”

“I’ve kept the class safe. There haven’t been any incidents.”

“Pure luck.”

Sick as he felt, it didn’t escape his notice how Draco bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing.

“Did you come to scold me in front of our students?” asked Severus.

She gave him a mischievous smile and turned to face the class after canceling the effects of the muffliato charm.

“Class dismissed.”

“But we’ve almost fi–”

She cut Pansy off, “I won’t repeat it.”

Pansy and a few students – including Hermione – pouted and sighed. The majority were happy to tidy up and go, though. Draco was part of the latter group and left as soon as Skyrah thanked him. In contrast, Harry locked eyes with Skyrah, concerned, but did as the rest of his classmates after receiving a reassuring nod. The Snapes didn’t doubt that they’d be getting a visit from him after classes.

“I don’t think you have a fever,” she said, putting her hand on Severus’s forehead. He responded by leaning into her hand. Now that no students remained in the classroom, a moment of weakness was permitted, or so he told himself. “Draco mentioned you can't stand. I’ll levitate you and bring you to the Hospital Wing, all right?”

“Don’t. My stomach… I can’t handle it.”

She slithered her palm from his forehead to his cheek. The caresses were as gentle as her voice when she said, “Why did you tell me you only had a headache this morning?”

“I didn’t feel so unwell.”

“Yet when that changed, you continued with the class.”

“Interrupting it wasn’t wise. The ingredients are expensive. Now the money plus the potions the students were brewing have gone to waste. Albus won’t be pleased.”

“You’re right. He won’t be pleased to know you prioritize money over your health. You can resume the lesson another day, Severus. Lean on me now. I’ll take you to our chambers; they’re closer than the Hospital Wing.”

Along the way, he grunted and almost fell when he tried to prove he was fine enough to walk on his own. The only reason he didn’t was that he had miraculously grabbed the arm of one of the suits of armor that decorated the corridors. Thank Merlin no students were nearby... nor Minerva. His reputation as the bat of the dungeons would have suffered. Finally, she whispered the password and the door opened for them.

“Hang on, Severus. I’ll help you get into bed.”

“No. Not yet. I think I’m going to vomit.”

She would have kissed his temple if it weren’t for the urgency in his tone. Even if clumsily, they made it to the bathroom. She helped him kneel by the toilet and rubbed his back soothingly, holding his hair for him until his stomach was empty.

“I’m sorry,” he said, breathing harshly and refusing to look at her.

“For what?”

“This has been excruciatingly embarrassing and disgusting.”

“You’ve done this for me countless times, Severus. It’s okay for the roles to be reversed now and then.” By his tense shoulders, he was thinking about the miscarriage. So was she, for her voice had shaken and her hand had drifted to the place they used to feel their unborn daughter. “Can you brush your teeth?”

“Yes.”

“All right. I’ll send Poppy a message. She shouldn’t take long.”

“There’s nothing she can do. I’ve been through this before. It’ll go away after getting some sleep. The potion must have reacted poorly to my breakfast, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” she asked worriedly, her wand ready to invoke her patronus once more.

“Absolutely.”

“All right… Do you need anything?”

“Some water, perhaps.”

So while he brushed his teeth, she summoned a glass from their kitchen and filled it with a simple aguamenti. Severus drank its water and left the glass by the sink.

Soon, he was under the silky bedsheets, surrounded by the pillows she had adjusted for him after contacting the headmaster via the school floo network to explain the situation and advise him to seek a substitute for the upcoming lessons.

“How are you feeling?” she wondered, running her hands through his bare chest. She was lying by his side, with her head on his shoulder.

“Not fine yet, but better.” Skyrah nuzzled her head into him and hooked her leg around him. “You shouldn’t get comfortable. You’ve got a class to teach.”

“I’ve got a stubborn husband to take care of.”

“I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“Too bad. I won’t move until you start snoring.”

He groaned, exasperated, though his grip on her became just a tiny bit firmer. Skyrah missed his feeble grin, too busy playing with his chest hair and kissing his scarred skin.

“I may not need you to take care of me, but I don’t dislike it.”

“I know, my snarky Potions Master,” she said, chuckling softly. If he went as far as confessing that, it could only mean he was so exhausted he could no longer control what went past his lips. “Rest now.”

He complied, thinking he owed Draco. Vomiting in front of his students would have been a fate worse than cuddling with his wife. That was a fact.

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A/N: I probably wouldn’t have been able to post this on time if it had been betaed, so I apologize for any possible mistakes you may have encountered. I did my best.

If you liked it, you can read the main fic here: AO3, FFN.

Have a nice day, y’all! And thanks for taking the time to read this little fic :) If you’re feeling sick, remember to take care of yourself <3

#snapetober #snapetober2020 #snape fanfiction #pro snape #severus snape x oc #severus snape #draco malfoy

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danceworshipper · 4 years

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Gracie Chiva - HPHM Profile [Redone]

(information is as of sixth year - same universe as Tessa and River)

Identity

Name: Gracie Tessa Chiva

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Birthday: August 17th, 1973 at 3:28 am (leo)

Species: Human/Witch with altered DNA

Blood Status: Pureblood

Sexuality: Bisexual

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Ethnicity: White - German, English

Nationality: British

Residence: Chiva Manor, a heavily warded house in the wizarding part of the English countryside

Personality Type: ISFJ-T (the defender)

The Mage

Wand: 13 3/4 inches of rowan wood encasing a unicorn tail hair core, reasonably supple. The wand is a light color with intricate carvings on the handle and a small peridot sticking out of the front end. This is her only wand, as if her wand breaks she will die immediately. A few different people have put protective spells on it - the peridot is one of them, from Ollivander himself

Animagus: Osprey

Misc. Magical Abilities: Legilimens, very strong. Her Occlumency isn't as strong as it could be, but it's much stronger than Tessa's

Boggart Form: Tessa covered in bloody gashes, gagging and clearly dying

Riddikulus Form: the blood turning into fruit punch while Tessa whines about her shirt being stained

Amortentia (how she smells): Gracie would smell like citrus, poison, and strong wind

Amortentia (what she smells): She smells a mixture of pine trees, spearmint gum, and puffskein fur (Merula)

Patronus: Unicorn

Patronus Memory: the first time she and Tessa were ever allowed to go wandering in the woods on their own. They found a creek and spent the afternoon barefoot, eating berries and splashing each other

Mirror of Erised: Herself, truly happy and looking like she was never cursed

Specialized/Favorite Spells:

- Accio

- Crucio

- Sanguinem Non (stops bleeding, however intense)

- Depulso

- Gelida

Appearance

(picture made using the zepeto app)

Height: 5'6"

Weight: 118lbs

Physique: Skinny, slightly thinner waist than Tessa. Her strength comes more from magical ability than actual muscles

Eye Color: Unnaturally green

Hair Color: Bright white

Skin Tone: Deathly pale, has barely noticeable freckles around her nose

Body Modifications: Two piercings in each earlobe and a cartilage piercing in her left ear

Scarring: Small scars on knees from various childhood injuries, a thin line around her ankle from getting caught in a rope, and a small line on her right middle finger from a cooking incident

Inventory:

- Her wand, either gripped tightly in her hand or tucked in her waistband

- Her pocket knife, hidden in her robes/shorts

- About twenty Galleons

- An icy blue cracked marble to fidget with

Fashion: Gracie likes to look good, but also likes to be comfy. When not in her uniform, she's most likely wearing a thin sweater/shirt depending on the weather, and black skinny jeans or shorts. She frequently wears black fishnet tights, and black heeled ankle boots. Her hair is usually worn down. As for jewelry, she has a necklace with a gold key that unlocks a box full of Vance's childhood memories that he hid for her before he disappeared, mostly of the two of them. She also wears large gold hoops in each of the two piercings, and a gold stud in her cartilage. Makeup-wise she wears dark red lipstick, blush, and heavy dark eyeshadow and mascara. If she hadn't been cursed she might not wear any makeup at all, but as it is, she's insecure about how pale she is and wants to bring some color back to her face

Allegiances

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Affiliations/Organizations:

- Chiva Family

- Black Family

- R (seventh year)

Professions:

- Current student

- Future Dark Arts Professor at Durmstrang

- Future author

Hogwarts Information

Class Grades:

- Arithmancy: E

- Astronomy: O

- Care of Magical Creatures: O

- Charms: E

- Defense Against the Dark Arts: O

- Flying: O

- Herbology: E

- History of Magic: E

- Potions: O

- Transfiguration: O

Quidditch: Knows how to play, but is not on the team

Extracurriculars:

- Potions Club

- Dueling Club

- Tutor for a few select first year Slytherins, including Aiden

Favorite Professors:

- Professor McGonagall: Despite not being her Head of House, Gracie would much rather turn to McGonagall for advice than Snape. She appreciates McGonagall's teaching style, and her relative lack of prejudice about house/upbringing

- Madam Hooch: When Gracie was first cursed, Madam Hooch was the one to help her calm down and start to accept her changed appearance. Hooch's yellow eyes and whiteish hair are not common either, so the similarities and Hooch's successful life helped Gracie see that she would be okay

Least Favorite Professors:

- Professor Snape: Gracie has never liked her Head of House. Snape is cruel to many of her classmates, grades based on his own opinion of the student, and makes learning in the classroom nearly impossible

- Professor Dumbledore: In the beginning, she didn't mind him, but as the years went on and he proved to be more and more useless during dangerous times, Gracie lost all respect for him. The final straw was when he told her that none of this would have happened if she had left it alone, because she knew that this wasn't her fault and if not for her people would be dead (Redacted's death doesn't happen in my canon)

Relationships

Twin Sister: Tessa Gracie Chiva

- Tessa is younger by eight and a half minutes

- Despite them being the same age, Gracie feels much older and more mature than her sister

- Tessa quit everything to do with the vaults after defeating the second one in third year, so she hasn't seen the horrors that Gracie has

- As such, Gracie feels extremely protective to her sister and tries to always keep her safe, far away from any danger. This is part of why she runs away in seventh year

- Gracie hasn't told Tessa about her crazes and unnatural sadistic urges yet. Tessa finds out a little information shortly before Gracie disappears

- Gracie loves her sister more than anyone else. When they fight, she's always the first one to start crying. She would do anything to protect Tessa, whether it be suffer immense torture, die, anything

- She's also jealous of Tessa's relative innocence

Older Brother: Vance Riley Chiva

- He's five years older than the twins

- As a little girl, Gracie worshipped Vance. He was older and cool, and he spoiled her

- The news of Vance's disappearance shattered her heart, and when she found the key, she spent hours going through all of the memories using her mother's pensieve

- Gracie's main motivation to start looking for the vaults was to find Vance. After finding him and seeing how different he was, she stopped caring about him and only continued to protect Tessa and her friends

- The first spell Gracie learned outside of class was the sticking charm, which she used to stick the clasp of her necklace to the back of her neck. She doesn't undo the spell until the very end of sixth year, when she loses all hope of getting her brother back

- The love she once felt turns to hate fast, but she can't bring herself to throw the key away, so she gives it to Tessa

Younger Cousin: Aiden Carter Darkling

- Aiden is the son of Rachel Chiva, Jason's sister. Rachel and Aiden's father divorced while he was still young, but it was relatively amicable and he comes around for holidays

- Gracie tutors Aiden and a couple of his friends in Potions

- She's always had a liking for the kid. She sees a bit of herself in him, from before she was lost to the vaults

- They aren't the closest, but other than (some of) her immediate family, Aiden is the only family member Gracie doesn't hate

Mother: Clarissa Vanessa Black

- Clarissa passed on her Legilimency to her children

- Gracie's relationship with her mother is strained these days

- They're actually closer than they used to be, with Gracie's favorite parent having been her father as a kid

- Clarissa legally separates from Jason after his arrest, and once she's wiped her hands of him, she and Gracie get closer

- Gracie knows about her mother's girlfriend. Clarissa's upbringing made her too afraid to ever come out, but she's bisexual and began dating her childhood friend Margaret (again) after Jason was arrested

- Gracie also knows that Margaret's husband didn't die of illness, but she never tells anyone that Margaret poisoned him because she had good reason to

- The silent acknowledgement of "I know about you and you know I know but we won't mention it" is the main sense of closeness she and her mother have

- They'll never be as close as they should be, but Gracie does love her mother and her mother does love her

Father: Jason Harvey Chiva

- Similarly to Vance, Gracie loved her father a lot as a kid and looked up to him

- He was an Auror, and a good one. She would beg to visit his office with him and learn about cases

- Despite being pureblood and approving of the Death Eaters, Jason was loving toward his children and never brought up his past

- Jason began acting strangely after she was cursed, but Gracie ignored it

- All the love Gracie felt for her father vanished the day she watched him murder their family friend, a week before she turned thirteen

- After turning him in to his Auror partner, Thomas, they discovered that Jason had killed eleven people in his search to find out who cursed his daughter

- Thus began Gracie's horrible trust issues. Even Vance hadn't ruined her ability to trust completely, but after her father the only two options were trust completely, or not trust at all. Gracie has never trusted another authority figure since (and also has major daddy issues)

- Gracie kills Jason when he escapes from his transfer (she's twenty two). She hates herself for it, but not because it was her father - he deserved it. She's upset that she broke her promise to never kill anyone again after Rakepick (even though both were totally justified - Jason tried to kill Margaret and Rakepick tried to kill most of her friends)

Love Interest: Merula Snyde

- In first year Gracie hated Merula. Merula was mean to Gracie's new friends and was boastful about being the best even though she clearly wasn't, and it was obnoxious having to share a dorm with her

- In second year it gets a bit worse, but then it gets a bit better too. It gets to the point where they don't hate each other and can coexist peacefully, but they still dislike each other

- Then third year starts

- Gracie gets off the train, grabs her stuff, starts heading for the castle, and bumps into Merula

- Merula snaps at her

- Instead of being annoyed, however, Gracie is frozen staring into Merula's eyes with a jolt in her heart

- Well, shit

- Gracie spends that whole year conflicted about if it was actually a crush, or if it was just strange feelings from a strange situation, and eventually lands on being bisexual and indeed having a crush on this girl she used to hate.

- She knows she's bisexual and not a lesbian because she had a small crush on one of the boys in her neighborhood, but that fades pretty quickly after getting back to school

- In fourth year, it starts becoming more apparent that Merula shares her feelings

- Gracie takes a risk and asks her to the Celestial Ball, and Merula says yes

- She and Merula had a lot of fun at the ball, and Gracie's heart nearly exploded during the slow dance

- A week later, Rowan is pissed with the pining and rants about it to Ismelda of all people, who then tells Merula to ask Gracie out before she gets murdered

- Merula does, very hesitantly, and they have their first proper date a few days later. It's awkward and they're scared, but once they open up it's easy to tell everything is mutual

- They have their first kiss that summer while Merula is visiting Gracie

- Fifth year, the night before going into the Portrait Vault, Gracie and Merula are awake, terrified that they'll die the next day

- An impulsive decision leads them to the Room of Requirement (Tessa had found it by accident the year before) and they lose their virginity together

- They don't die, and surviving together brings them closer

- Sixth year problems arise

- Merula is losing her mind, trying to be independent and refusing to be at all affectionate in public, but still clinging to Gracie at night with nightmares

- Gracie also wants Rakepick's head to rot on a stake, but Merula is letting her anger control her and Gracie doesn't know how to help her

- When Gracie runs away in seventh year, Merula will go insane

- When Gracie comes back, Merula will punch her in the face and then hold her close and not let go for over an hour

Best Friend: Rowan Khanna

- Gracie met Rowan in Ollivander's. Rowan walked in just as Ollivander told Gracie her wand wood and Rowan excitedly declared that they had to be best friends

- Being young and relatively sheltered, Gracie said alright because she didn't know how friends really worked

- They did become very close pretty quickly

- They wrote each other letters every day until school started

- Rowan is the only one to know the full extent of Gracie's curse, because she forced it out of her

- Rowan can be pretty scary when she wants to be

- They both know things about the other that no one else does, and they can (and have) talked about everything, even extremely uncomfortable subjects

- Gracie is almost scared by Rowan's level of loyalty, but tries to show her the same

- Gracie mentioned being terrified to be cornered by Rakepick or someone else, so Rowan didn't leave her side at all for a week

- The next time Rowan said something about being afraid, Gracie did the same thing

- Rowan made Gracie teach her the blood healing spell in case Gracie ever can't come back from a craze in time

- The two of them are so close Merula was at one point pretty jealous, but she can recognize that they're just very close friends

Rival: Olivia Green

- The first time Gracie heard of Olivia was when Vance complained about her dating Duncan

- After learning about the vaults and Olivia's involvement with Vance and Duncan, Gracie was determined to find out what happened to her. It takes until seventh year to find out

- (this could all change depending on where Jam City takes the story, but this is where I'm going for now)

- Olivia joined R a year before Duncan died, two years before Vance got trapped in the Portrait. She knew how bad they were, but R was the only place she felt she could grow her power and protect what little she had left, so she faked her own death in order to not be caught by any professors or other authority

- Neither Vance nor Duncan know she's alive

- Over the years Olivia grew cold and ruthless, but she still has a small soft spot for her old friends

- Gracie tries to hate Olivia for everything she's done, but can't help but agree with her reasoning

- Olivia is the one who convinces Gracie to join up with R in seventh year, which is when they end up becoming good friends instead of rivals

School Rival: Diego Caplan

- Gracie hates this boy with everything she has

- He's a flirt with no shame and an ego stretching for miles

- Every time he duels her she makes sure to kick his ass extra hard

- She really doesn't like that he and Tessa are good friends because she thinks he has ulterior motives (he used to, but not anymore)

Enemy: Patricia Rakepick

- Gracie's lack of trust/respect for authority means that Rakepick being brought in for the vaults felt like a direct threat to her. As Rakepick recruited her, Bill, and Merula, Gracie tried to play nice but it's clear she hates the woman

- It's likely that if Bill hadn't knocked her wand out of her hand, Gracie would have killed Rakepick in the Portrait Vault

- It wasn't a craze. She was just furious

- Gracie is as determined as Merula to kill Rakepick (stupid canon mc too weak to murder)

- Joining R will be uncomfortable at first, because Rakepick will taunt her, but they'll learn to work together

- No matter how the game goes, Gracie's adventure with the vaults will end in killing Rakepick

Dormmates:

- Tessa Chiva

- Rowan Khanna

- Merula Snyde

- Ismelda Murk: they could be considered friends, but they aren't as close as they could be

- Liz Tuttle: Liz was close to both of the twins at first, but now is way closer to Tessa

Pets:

- Ruby, the family Crup

- Clara, Vance's toad

- Elaura, an owl

- Lemmy, a moke (he's more Tessa's pet really)

- a bunch of creatures in the Reserve that Tessa and Liz coparent, and Gracie tags along sometimes

Closest Canon Friends:

- Jae Kim: a year of spending hours together everyday will do wonders for a friendship

- Penny Haywood: they've been drifting apart, but they spend a lot of time together in the Potions Club

- Charlie Weasley: they were partnered for a Charms project in year two and kept hanging out all the time after it was done

- Olivia Green (while in R)

Closest Non-Canon Friends:

- Tessa Chiva (technically not canon because mc has no siblings besides the Jacob character)

- Rosalie Sonnenschein: a German model who is one year older and attends Durmstrang. First generation part Veela with a very strong natural allure, which she trains Gracie to resist once it becomes apparent that she's affected

- Justin Freed (while in R): a young man one year older than Olivia. He's mean but he's funny, and he helps Gracie get adjusted to the whole group. He's a bit too egotistical and slightly overprotective over Olivia and Gracie as younger women, even though they're both fully capable (and stronger than him)

(Storyline has to be in a different post because of tumblr's dumb text limit)

Future

Marriage and Children: Before the wedding, Gracie timidly approaches Margaret, who married Clarissa two years prior, and asks if they can take her name since neither Gracie nor Merula want to be associated with their fathers anymore. Margaret tears up and tells her of course they can. Gracie gets married to Merula at age twenty five, becoming Gracie and Merula Miller. They get married on a beach, with ice cream cake instead of traditional wedding cake. Penny calls them up one day with the news that she's been working on a potion to allow a woman to become pregnant from another woman and asks them if they'd like to test it. At age twenty six, Gracie nearly passes out watching Merula give birth to their oldest daughter, Destiny. Three years later their second daughter, Dahlia, is born

Career: Gracie becomes the Dark Arts professor at Durmstrang at age twenty three. She's mocked by the other professors for being young and inexperienced, but after she kicks one of their asses in a duel they back off. She's a talented professor, and her curse actually allows her to be a test dummy of sorts for her students so that they're able to learn both from the book and from experience. After marrying Merula they move to Germany to be near Gracie's family, so she ends up being very talented at Apparation

The Second Wizarding War:

- Gracie is out of the country when the war happens, and only returns when she gets word of Bill's attack, leaving Merula and the kids in Germany to be safe (and avoid risking Merula run into her parents, because Gracie knows that Merula would try and duel them)

- She does not participate in the Battle of Hogwarts because if she did, she knew Tessa would too and couldn't risk her sister getting hurt

- She's horrified to discover that Olivia and Justin were some of the people who escaped Azkaban, but relieved that neither of them were spotted in the battle. Olivia shows up on Gracie's doorstep the day after the battle and begs Gracie to forgive her for everything, including killing Justin when he tried to join the Death Eaters. Gracie forgives her, and uses her Legilimency to figure out the best way to get Olivia out of her jail sentence

- Merula hates Olivia quite a bit when she realizes that this Olivia is the one in R (not because she was in R, but because she and Gracie hooked up a few times while they were there together), but is able to get along with her - especially when Olivia takes a great interest in Rosalie

Old Age and Death:

- Gracie dies at the age of one hundred and seventeen from natural causes. After her death, her wand snaps in half by itself

Personality

- Major introvert

- Craves touch, but won't ask for it unless she's super close with the person she wants it from

- Tries to think logically whenever possible

- Might be a bit of an adrenaline junkie

- When she gets upset, making her laugh is the best option

- Sentimental as all hell, borderlining on being a hoarder

- Prefers animals to humans most of the time

Misc Information

- Gracie is bilingual, fluent in both English and German

- She can play cello. She can also sing, but doesn't like doing it in front of other people

- Gracie's misophonia developed around age nine, but didn't start becoming a real issue until the anxiety and depression joined in at age eleven

- By the time Gracie meets Fleur, she's so good at blocking out Rosalie's allure that she doesn't even notice Fleur's. Speaking of Rosalie, she and Olivia do end up marrying

- Gracie nearly kills Tessa the first time a craze is strong enough to target a family member. Tessa falls off of a small cliff and ends up in a coma the day Gracie joins R

- Gracie doesn't find out about it until the next time she actually sees Tessa months later because the craze was strong enough to disorient her, and oh boy does she hate herself when she finds out

- Gracie never officially broke up with Merula when she joined R, but wrongly assumed she would find someone else. Gracie casually hooked up with a couple people in the meantime, including Olivia

- Olivia gives Gracie an amethyst necklace a few months after she joins R, and Gracie charms that one in place instead of Vance's

- Part of why Olivia was able to convince Gracie to join R was because Gracie had recently failed suicide and was desperate to find a way to get R away from Tessa and her friends. If she couldn't die (and get them to stop targeting her friends to get to her, was the faulty reasoning), she might as well join them and be able to warn her loved ones of upcoming attacks

- Vance jumps in front of Tessa during the last fight with R and dies without saying goodbye, which messes both of the twins up for a while

- Gracie's interest in being a professor stemmed from Rowan's. Rowan became Head Girl :) and lived a long happy life as a professor :))))))))

- Rowan also smacked Gracie when she came back from R, which is fair

- Gracie's favorite muggle thing is orange soda

- Gracie likes pineapple pizza

- She has a sweet tooth, but she really likes sour candy as well

- Her favorite color is blue and she feels like it's a betrayal to her house

- Gracie is forever a dog person because of Ruby. She had previously been a cat person

- She writes a lot of poems as she gets older, and eventually tries out creative writing. She loves it and publishes a few books

- Everyone in her immediate family is left handed besides her father

- Her natural body temperature is a few degrees lower than a normal human's. As such, she sweats more and is always warm to the touch (I don't think it makes sense, but that's how it works for me so...)

- She's obsessed with night. She loves being outside at night, looking at the stars when the air is slightly cooler and feeling alone and insignificant in the universe (it comforts her to know she doesn't matter - it's the depression talking)

- Loves thunderstorms

- Believes in aliens 100%

#hogwarts mystery #gracie chiva #character profile #hphm mc #zepeto

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