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#it's been fun but sad researching for it
knifekris · 1 month
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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hivepixels · 3 months
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#i wrote the arsl essay really emotionally if it's illogical i'm very sorry it's just my impression T0TTTTT.........#mumblings#EVEN THE SOLLUX ONE IS CRINGE TO ME I CANT LOOK AT IT ANYMORE i'm just glad people who've gotten something out of it can feel#more reassured in their enjoyment of these characters bcs theyre awesome & i like when people think abt them esp in relation to each other#i was so 👀!!! by how sollux detected his relevancy was reduced compared to the rest of the meteor crew and chose to step away with aradia#and since her arc was pretty much finished around the same time as his i rlly love how they complete their jobs then go off have fun#(well sollux is extra funny bcs he doesnt WANT to be a Main Character but mf can't resist adding his two cents backseat commentary LOL)#anw.. idk if ive ever mentioned but i dont care for pale arsl whatsoever skjskj highkey resent the popularity of that depiction but i don't#have grounds to complain since it gives people a reason to keep including aradia with sollux somehow#once again coming from a dvkt background i often saw aradia and sollux entering as a pair so it was wild to switch to slkt and#find out a lot of sollux shippers don't like aradia as much. or at all#<- was scrolling old posts and saw that people have been discussing this same exact thing years ago LMAO the cycle repeats itself#i think sollux should 🥺👉👈 for aradia forever its funnier to think he likes her so much and she's just. occupied by more important things#ANYTHING SHE NEEDS HE WILL COME.... SHE JUST HAS TO ASK. BUT WHAT CAN SHE POSSIBLY ASK FOR WHEN SHE'S ALREADY SO CAPABLE....... HSJAHAA#back when she approached him for tech and research assistance he could feel useful but now. he's huddled in the corner sad puppy#its so ;;; when ppl make him super relieved to see aradia like WAAGHHHHHH SHE'S HERE... SHE'S HERE FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!#sollux wanting to be more important to aradia is a thought i revisit a lot he just wants to know if there's anything there#but he can't pick Just One Thing and regardless of the outcome good or bad he'll always regret screwing it up#in reality its not his fault lol just like karkat dude's got the self-sabotage instinct for things no one holds him against for so. yeh#STILL don't take my opinions as truth gospel alright i'm a fangirl not a meta writer!!!!!!!!!
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Turns out I do have the stomach for dissections yippee!!
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monotonous-minutia · 1 year
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I spent like a week working on this like it was some kind of school project.
anyway here's a thing I made.
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silverislander · 8 months
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idk if it's genuine excitement or the energy drink i had earlier that's actually letting me focus and work but dude. i am CRUSHING this essay. this is Fun To Write. i think i'm actually doing a really good job here. wtf. i love my major man
#i am a LITTLE bit sad i cant do grad school bc like. im going to miss writing essays and researching and all once i graduate#i do genuinely like doing it. call me a nerd or whatever but i love it esp when its on smth fun and interesting like this#now im not sad enough to actually DO grad school lmao#unless i got offered a scholarship or smth idk. wont happen but. hm. if it did.#seriously tho. i would think more seriously abt it if it werent for my adhd. i just dont think its realistic for me#as much as i like my field i dont think i have the ability to focus well enough to complete the work id need to complete#i went to the meeting abt grad school i learned abt what it requires/why people do it and all. i just dont think i can do that#and bc i ultimately cant get diagnosed -> cannot get help/medication thats not going to improve any time soon#after years of learning how to adapt and work with my brain this is probably the best i can do without medical/institutional intervention#its not worth paying a shitload of money and possibly setting my career back by years only to fail out yk?#im not too torn up abt it. ill give it more thought if it becomes relevant but rn its not really on my radar#ive done an excellent job in school! im getting an honours degree (hopefully)! most people dont even get that far#a lot of people with my condition dont even get into university let alone graduate. im incredibly lucky to be able to do what i can#levi.txt#this is all over the place but takeaway is im having a good time! things are coming together i feel confident in my work#im gathering theorists and sources for the section on night of the living dead and having a blast#ive got my examples all lined up my arguments make sense in my head i know where to look for applicable theories etc etc#i just need supporting quotes and im working on that rn!! it hasnt even been that hard#ok. back to work. i need to harness the power of caffeine once more (made my brain quiet) (no longer full of bees) (im in charge)
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doctorweebmd · 8 months
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I want to write but dry January just ended and I have video games to play. My life is hard.
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clonewarsahsoka · 8 months
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I have GOT to deal with my jealousy and also like...... I have never really been truly jealous wtf IS THIS 😭😭😭😭
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pebblezone · 1 year
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this Tylenol ain’t shit w
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#talkingcore#emotions. man.#there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn#how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders)#I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry
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I'm not using Drafts anymore, I guess.
At least not from mobile.
I had made a nice fun post about my looking up stuff on prehistoric Turkey for future art purposes, complete with commented photos, saved as draft since I went out, and then came back to edit.
Saved again and clicked post, it cancelled most of it and posted only the first paragraph, with even LESS stuff there than there was in the draft I had reopened.
Also the draft version was gone.
Needless to say I'm pissed.
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fingertipsmp3 · 9 months
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I’m not sure if the seasonal depression is hitting especially hard this year or if I’m just grieving for Mabel or if I’m finally going irreparably insane or if life/people is being unfair towards me or all of the above
#i cry super hard every day now. sometimes multiple times a day#sometimes something sets it off specifically (like arguing with my mom earlier)#but sometimes i just think about mabel too much and start sobbing#i thought i was okay. i mean i knew i wasn’t okay but i knew time would do its thing#the first few weeks were the worst but earlier this month i felt like i’d kind of plateau’d#like i was still sad but i could look at photos and videos and talk about her without crying. i was even laughing#now… now i can’t even think of her. again#it just feels so fucking unfair that i’ll NEVER see her again. like what the fuck do you mean. what do you MEAN#what do you mean i have to live out my whole life… god knows how fucking long i’ll live; and N E V E R see her again. shut the fuck up.#that’s so fucking unfair. and everyone else is okay. i’m like how can you POSSIBLY just go about your life#the best dog in the world is dead and she’s going to stay dead and i won’t see her again for however many fucking stupid cursed decades#i live and i might not even see her when i die. how the HELL am i supposed to be okay with that. is that a joke#and there’s a part of me that’s like ‘maybe i could adopt another dog’ but i don’t know#i think i’d feel better and worse at the same time. i wouldn’t feel so alone but they wouldn’t be mabel#i put in an application for a terrier that’s at a local rescue but if i don’t get him i’m not trying again. i’ll take it as a hint#cats aren’t an option btw i found out i’m allergic. which was brand new information.. i’ve been around cats that didn’t set my allergies#off at all. but i guess there’s a difference between spending an hour at your friend’s house who has one cat#and living 24/7 with a cat that gets fur and dander and saliva everywhere#and i don’t think other pets would suit me. i just don’t feel comfortable caring for any animal i haven’t done research on#i had hamsters when i was a teenager but… tbh never again. they are so much fun but i have anxiety dreams about them now#so it’s dogs (well.. one dog) or nothing#i do have plans to speak to my doctor about my depression btw because i genuinely find this unsustainable#like i do think it’s situational (seasonal/grief/everyone around me seeming to want to argue with me lately) but i still need#mood stabilisers while i’m in this situation lol#personal
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lalaboy · 1 year
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Actually checked out that guys 'kid whose no fun' tiktoks through a youtube comp and, admittedly skipped around because I'm not watching that cocomelon grind- the voice he does is cringe enough, n' if you only watch the first bits I see why'd you think it's just a spoiled kid, and than he pulls out a stuffed animal and declares its name and 'no you cant touch him', which, i guess that's... Unreasonable and to be Laughed at, sure. It's just a really strange mix of things that Could be taken as a 'spoiled' child or bigoted (don't have time to get into why a man making fun of and othering a kid displaying problematic behavior autistic or not instead of, y'know, having a little empathy for a youngin', is just unhelpful.) and something that's completely harmless but a little 'weird' like... Setting a Boundary.
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cottageivy · 1 year
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worst part about ocs is when you give them interests and hobbies you don't share. like now I have to know shit about that 😭
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steakout-05 · 1 year
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Halfbrick Lost Media: Fruit Ninja Flash Version
so after i made that post about some lost JavaScript games on HB's old website from 2001, i was thinkin' that i'm gonna make a sorta series of short posts about little bits of lost media i've discovered relating to Halfbrick to just bring a bit of attention to them and also document them here, cause i think they're super interesting!! i'll compile a little checklist here of some topics i might make little posts about and then i'll get onto it:
Fruit Ninja Flash
Fruit Ninja Tencent
Fruit Ninja Kakao
Fruit Ninja Frenzy
Monster Dash for Chrome
Lost Trailers for Old Games + Unconfirmed Jetpack Joyride Android Trailer
alright enough stalling, i'll get to the point now :P
The facts:
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This is the icon listed on this page belonging to a game simply known as 'Fruit Ninja Original Flash', which, as you might've guessed, is a flash version of Fruit Ninja which is presumably very old, being created back in 2010 before the mobile version's release. This game was up on Halfbrick's website likely around Fruit Ninja's anniversary, but now leads to a 404 page when the link is clicked. The game has no footage available, nor any blog posts on Halfbrick's website relating to this version of the game I could find.
Trying To Find The Damn Thing:
While messing around with the Wayback Machine, I snagged an archive of the wiki page this game's listed on and clicked the link provided on that page, which lead me to this:
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(apologies about the dodgy screenshot, i was on mobile at the time of taking it)
Not a good sign. This archive is from 2021, which is a little after Flash was discontinued at the end of 2020, which is... also not a good sign... Yikes :(
I didn't give up though, and I thought of taking a look into the website using Inspect Element and manually finding the .swf file just in case it wasn't loading correctly.
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There definitely is something here, and this also confirms the game was made in 2010 by the filename there. It just doesn't load correctly on my browser, probably because Flash is blocked in some way (I use Brave). If only I could actually, y'know, download it....
Luckily though, I do have an extension called Ruffle on my Firefox browser. I thought I could at least try running it before downloading it, so I opened the page and clicked the big orange play button on the Flash embed, but...
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... That's not good. That's not good at all. On Brave I tried having a look in the Network tab to find if any .swf files were being loaded in, but the only thing I found was an index and a JavaScript file. I went and tried to nab it from Firefox but I got a 404 when trying to load the .swf object directly. Seems like it's trying to access a file that doesn't exist anymore on the server because it wasn't archived and thus can't run 'cause of that. I also tried using Flashpoint's search too and the program, but they only turned up some HTML5 versions of the game and VR and whatnot. I did find the 8-bit version though, so, uh... yay...?
The Verdict:
Yeah, the game's lost. More lost than the 20¢ coins my dad dropped between the couch cushions. Halfbrick themselves might still have the game on them considering it's a super old version of their most popular game, and who knows! It might turn up again someday. But for now, you can't play it, unless someone has saved the .swf to their computer years ago and decides to upload it of course.
I did find something really interesting while trying to get this to work though, and it's this page by one of the devs who made Fruit Ninja named Aaron Green. It contains some pictures and information about developing the prototype of Fruit Ninja, including the low poly watermelon model seen in the Flash game's icon, meaning that this prototype is the Flash game I'm looking for, which is pretty cool! Interestingly the image with all the fruits and their gibs show a tomato model instead of the kiwi fruit one, and, well, tomatoes aren't in the final game. Thought that was pretty cool :D
I wouldn't recommend contacting Green about this, as this game was made years ago and I don't want anyone getting bothered and I don't even know if he's still at Halfbrick. It sucks that this game is lost but y'know....
thank you for reading all this way :) i hope this game will get found one day, i really wanna play it because it's a cute old flash game and i'm such a sucker for old flash stuff from decades ago :P
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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i'm thinking of hermes again gahhh HIS CHARACTER IS SO INTERESTING TO ME I LOVE HIM
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#despite my fondness for his character. i really don't agree w what he ultimately did#though i probably strongly relate if i was in his shoes i may be compelled to just. bring about the end of the world as well 💀#he cld've found another way to. deal w his suffering? but.. it rlly must've been lonely tho i think. to be different in. such a society.#it's. interesting rlly. bcs the ppl of etheirys generally think death is beautiful. in a way#once they've fulfilled their duty sufficiently they go to die n they say it is beautiful#hermes though.. sees death everyday w the animals. sees how they r afraid of it. of how they want to live#etheirys is so flawed. no wonder hermes was that way n. he's undeniably flawed as a person too#hermes is. an emotional n sensitive character i think. good at heart. but#god that line in the first part of yk '...until what remained could be molded into a socially acceptable shape.' i think that says a lot#hermes is v special to me bcs. idk wtf i really realize i am drawn to characters that.. i think i cld. help in some way. want to help#sob imagine how interesting n fun it wld be to aid hermes in his research#i really don't know how to phrase it but much of hermes' character is bcs of the society of etheirys#i saw this on twt too n.. i really do like to believe that after that incident in ktisis. he eventually made his peace w their mortality#it just. makes me a bit sad how he threw all of that away to be a part of his society in a way#i wish he.. cld've held on a bit tighter to himself. i don't think his emotion or his sensitivity or empathy was ever weak#but i think. it hurt being alone. feeling different. being faced w such an inevitable end n.. yeah#i really think that if he weren't alone in his suffering then he'd be so much more diferent.#aaaa he's a v special character to me indeed :^) i wish he lived at least. to see where his answers led#sob i need closure still i wish his soul wld converse w the wol or smth. but. 'a question of life'.. his side story perhaps is enough#still. i rlly want to give him a long warm hug n all the love in the world 😔#fandaniel in extension is also a rlly interesting character to me. with amon.. 'hermes wld weep at the man i have become'#or something like that. honestly hermes rlly is a good person at heart but.. yeah :^)#i really loved how endwalker even moreso than shb yk. challenged morality. blurred the lines even further#hermes' actions brought end to so much & caused so much suffering too BUT if he wasn't suffering himself then it wldn't have happened#to put it in one simple way at least. from my own perspective. his actions rn't justified still but they can be understood. i understand.#the way they.. treated the animals as lesser n how many of the amaurotines didn't care much for their lives.#hermes rlly is empathetic i think. &.. lonely? yeah. n arrogance was one of the downfalls of etheirys in a way. imho#yh there's a lot i cld say abt this but i think this is. good enough for now ><
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mushroominlove · 2 years
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loving the idea of trying to pick up John's work decades later only to get set through a wormhole and accidentally run into him in person
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zeppelinlvr · 1 month
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Still Feel Like That
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Dean Winchester x Female Reader
Summary: you accompany Dean, Sam, and Bobby on a hunt. You and Dean go out for a drink and Dean looks after you when you've had too much to drink.
Notes: Reader is a yapper (cus same), kinda implied that reader is Bobby's kid but it's not stated outright, sorry if you like Poison or Bret Micheals reader hates on them for a second, I assumed that Dean switched out his radio with one that would be compatible with cassettes since a 67' would likely have a 8 track player, I got lazy with my research so I apologize if any facts are incorrect (feel free to correct me).
Warnings: Suggestive language, flirting, cursing, mentions of throwing up, y/n is used like three times, Dean in his undies (yummy!)
Word Count: 4.1k
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You sat at Bobby’s old wooden table, sipping hot coffee from your Garfield mug. You didn’t own it but when you saw the grumpy orange cat with a text saying ‘I'm listening I just don’t care’ sitting on Bobby’s shelf of mismatched old mugs you’d used the cup ever since. 
You sat in your pajama shorts, slippers, and an old tee shirt, the cracked text reading “Winfield national flatpickin’ championships”. The shirt previously belonged to Bobby and he couldn’t remember how he acquired such an item, he assumed he was passing through Kansas and picked it up along the way, but you loved it so much he felt it was necessary to give it to you. 
You were reading through a book you had picked up on demonology. Bobby had given you a few vague events that had occurred and you were trying to figure out what exactly he was dealing with. You had a book on Pagan gods on standby. 
You heard the front door open, figuring it was Bobby you chose to continue reading but when you heard unfamiliar voices you quickly looked up in a panic, nearly knocking your chair over to try to scramble and find Bobby. You were not a hunter by any means, you just did the research and stayed in the comfort of motels. You knew some basic self defense but you could not fight a serious threat on your own.
You were making a dash for the nearest room when you heard Bobby yell your name. 
You quickly spun around to look at him, seeing two tall, handsome, potentially dangerous, men standing next to him. 
“What the hell are you doing kid?” Bobby asked you, concerned by your panic stricken expression.
“I heard people- and I was trying to find you and not die” You uttered out, still confused about who the two other men were. “Sorry, who the hell are these guys” you added 
“Sam and Dean I talk-” Bobby started but you cut him off 
“Winchester?” you asked excitedly “Bobby talks about you two all the time and I really wanted to meet both of you, especially Dean, Bobby says you make stupid decisions but you sound fun” you rambled quickly, a smirk growing on the shorter ones face at your mention of him. 
“Oh my god you have to be Sam, you totally have that sad puppy look” you said to the taller one “You could ask me to donate my life savings to a charity then build a shelter for the homeless and I totally would” you continued to talk.
“I like her” the shorter man who you had now assumed was Dean said with a grin 
“Wait Dean” you started turning to him “Did you drive your car here, I’ve heard rumors it's a totally awesome 67’ impala and I’ve been dying to see it” 
Before Dean could respond with a comment about how you were marriage material Bobby interrupted your rambling “Okay motor mouth, I’m sure Sam and Dean are enthralled by your commentary but they need our help” 
“Are you the super smart Y/n?” Sam asked 
“The one who has saved our asses more times than we can count” Dean added
“Yes, that's her, and I don't prefer to shout about her to the whole world because she's not exactly Hulk Hogan” Bobby said, growing slightly annoyed with the continued blabbering. 
“Really? Hulk Hogan? You have to compare me to that doofus, call me Bret Micheals while you’re at it” You shot at him 
“I’m sorry, would you prefer to be Kerry VonErich” Bobby sighed 
“Yes, minus his incredibly tragic life” you said as you crossed your arms over your chest. 
“Bobby why have we not met this chick sooner, she's awesome” Dean said slightly in awe. 
“You two don't care to stop by all that often and I knew you and her would get along real well and we wouldn't get anything done” Bobby responded hinting at the exact situation that was happening. 
“Let me see Dean’s car then I promise I will be productive” you offered
“Yeah let her see my car” Dean added, Sam smiling at the situation and Bobby rolling his eyes and reluctantly agreeing. 
The four of you made your way outside and when you saw the impala you let out a gasp of excitement before sprinting towards it. 
“She is so beautiful” you gushed to Dean “You keep her in phenomenal condition, does she run well?” 
“Like she’s new” Dean responded, smiling at your excitement over the car. 
“Is there an 8 track player? I have a few tapes I could give you if you want” You offered 
“Switched it out for a cassette player” Dean told you
“Good choice, 8 tracks are such a hassle, you can hear another song playing in the background of whatever you're trying to listen to, and don't even think about trying to fast forward to get to the song you want, at least you have a slim chance to land on the right song with cassettes” you rambled 
“Yeah no kidding, you wanna see my tape collection” Dean offered 
“Nope, we agreed on just the car now we need to figure out what the hell is going on in Pawnee Nebraska” Bobby interrupted as the four of you made your way back into the house 
“I’m so sick of going to these ho-hum towns, why can't you guys hunt things that reside in memphis or something, I want to go to a museum that isn't about the butter cow or a mayor who died of dysentery” You said with a sigh
“Hunting in this ho hum town means road trip and i'm sure Dean would be delighted to let you ride down with him” Bobby offered for Dean, partly because he wanted some silence in his own car and he also wanted you, Dean, and Sam to be able to talk as much as you pleased and hopefully be caught up so you could focus on working. 
Dean agreed to the idea and Sam shrugged, hoping you would prevent bickering between him and his brother. 
“I promised I’d focus so Sam, you’re smart, have you found out more than some bad weather and a ‘still under investigation death of a couple’” You asked, turning to the taller brother, offering him a smile, slightly feeling bad you’d paid so much attention to his brother and not talked to Sam much. 
“Yeah, I think the weather is unrelated, I found autopsy reports and the couple had these wounds on the back of their necks. I don't recognize the pattern but you might be able to” he replied to you with a soft smile, he made his way to his computer and set it on the table where your abandoned books and coffee lay. 
You made a noise of disgust upon seeing the picture but you instantly recognized the wound pattern “That has to be changelings, they feed off of the mother until she dies, it's so creepy” You started “In a lot of the books I’ve read they switch out an infant for a changeling, did the couple have a kid?” you asked 
“Yeah, but she's a little girl who’s ten years old” Sam replied to you
“Different cultures have varying takes on changelings, some of them say they can grow and develop like a human would, so it's definitely a possibility” You told him “We have to get down there asap before more kids are switched out, and when you figure out where the little girl is at now, monitor her behavior closely, she's gonna be hungry and use abnormal phrases for a ten year old.” You explained
“Alright you heard her” Dean said, squeezing between you and Sam and placing a hand on your shoulder. He secretly wanted your attention back on him. 
“Let me pack a bag and change then I’ll be ready to head out” you told them
“Same goes for me, give us five minutes” Bobby added
You headed to your room and changed into jeans and tee shirt, additionally throwing on a crewneck from a college in Louisiana that you had found in the aisles of a thrift store. 
You threw a few additional outfits in a duffle bag and your pajamas which consisted of sleep shorts and a tee shirt, you threw your slippers for your constantly cold feet in the bag and you were ready to go. 
Your socked feet padded against the floor as you made your way to the front door to grab your shoes. You threw them on and told the group you were ready to go. 
Dean, Sam and you crowded into the impala, Dean leaping on the opportunity to tell Sam to sit in the back after you had informed the brothers you get carsick. 
“I have zofran, Sam can sit in the front, I don't want to take his spot” you said 
“Nope, Sam get in the back” Dean quickly said as he took his spot in the driver's seat. 
After the three of you had gotten in the car and started on the trip Sam complained “Dean, I know there's a pretty girl but what if I get carsick in the back” 
“You won't, and the very pretty girl won't complain about my music choices” Dean told him and raised his brows at you.
Your face heated at how they referred to you, you cleared your throat and changed the subject “I know you guys are more hands on than me so I know a few ways to figure these things out, different folklore says if you can make them laugh they’ll reveal their truth, or you can shout god bless you, you can cook with eggshells. German legends say you can whip the child but honestly the easiest way to kill them is just lighting the fuckers on fire” You explained “People used to throw them in the fireplace or in the oven but you can get away with a blowtorch and a can of hairspray” 
“That's more our speed” Dean replied 
“People were seriously throwing these things in ovens?” Sam asked “What if the kid wasn't actually a changeling” 
“People got overly paranoid and it wasnt exactly common knowledge back then that someone could be born with physical or mental disabilities, also families used to be really reliant on everyone in the household being able to help out so a lot of child abuse ensued because parents didnt want to have a changeling on their hands” You explained “Anyway these things creep me out so lets talk about something more lighthearted on the way there” 
“i agree sweetheart” Dean said and you blushed at the name “I heard your comment about Bret Micheals, are you a Poison hater” 
“I can tolerate them but I will not go out of my way to listen to them, they’re definitely one of the lamest hair bands” you told him “I definitely prefer Van Halen, Quiet Riot, Def Leppard and Cinderella if I’m going to listen to hair bands” 
“Atta girl, you don’t like that Barry Manilow bullshit do you?” Dean asked 
“God no, fuck Styx too, that Babe song pisses me off” you laughed 
“Cus you know it’s you babe” Sam started singing off key and you groaned in annoyance, Dean laughing. 
The three of you talked about music, movies, and Sam and Dean's past hunts, asking odd would you rather questions when trying to think of new conversation topics 
“Okay would you rather have to eat a little bit of cheese on everything or never eat cheese again” you asked 
“Never eat cheese again” Sam quickly answered 
“I’d put a little bit on everything I fucking love cheese” you answered 
After extensive conversation and small bits of bickering the three of you made it to Nebraska, Bobby close behind.
Dean checked into the hotel, getting two rooms, one for him and Sam and one for you and Bobby. He gave the woman behind the counter a credit card with a name that most certainly was not his then the three of you made your way to the rooms. Dean opened the door to one of the rooms and the cowboy theme of the room made you laugh.
“You sure know how to pick ‘em’ Dean” you said 
“It’s fun, this cowboy boot pen holder on the desk is cute” he said, picking up the small red ceramic boot with a few pens sticking out of it.
“It is kinda cute, and I like the lasso on the wall” you pointed out 
“Oh man, creepy” you said as you noticed the sad clown painting hanging above the bed. 
“That's coming down” Sam said and quickly moved over to the painting to take it off the wall and lay it face down in the corner of the room. 
“Sammy here is a afraid of clowns” Dean informed you
“I don’t blame him, they’re scary, and all the media about killer clowns doesn’t exactly make me want to see one” you replied 
Bobby arrived at the motel shortly after the three of you had gotten the rooms. The four of you were discussing plans for the next day as it was later and you all agreed to start interviewing people in the morning. 
“i’m gonna go grab a drink, I saw a bar about ten minutes from here” Dean announced 
“I’ll join you if Bobby and Sam don’t need help with research” you said 
“Go take a break kid, you work your ass off, me and Sam will be fine” Bobby told you, you thanked him and gave him a quick hug before heading out with Dean. 
You weren’t surprised by the crowd at the bar, mostly older men who looked like they had just gotten off work, farm clothes and dirty work shirts adorned most of them. A few of them had women who you assumed were their wives at their side, chatting quietly with them. You were glad your outfit wasn’t out of place for the scene. 
A man who you guessed to be around fifty was working behind the bar, he gave Dean and you a soft smile before asking what you’d like to drink. 
“I’ll take a beer” Dean told him
“Busch okay? We don’t have anything else” The bartender replied 
“Perfect” 
“And for the pretty lady” the bartender asked 
“I’ll just take a vodka cranberry” you said, not minding his comment too much, you knew he didn’t mean anything by it, people just talked like that. 
You and Dean sat at the bar after getting your drinks, chatting with each other. 
One drink led to another and you lost count of how many you had drank. You were asking Dean silly questions and you began to vocalize your thoughts about how handsome he is.
“I know you can't kill a vampire with a wooden stake, but have you ever tried death by stereo?” you asked with a giggle, you had taken your hand into his and were toying with his fingers. 
“The Lost Boys is a great movie, me and Sammy will try out death by stereo just for you the next time we hunt vampires” he replied earning a laugh from you.
“You are so manly and cute and handsome” you slurred poking a finger into his chest, eyes widening at the firmness of his muscles “Oh my gosh you’re strong too, I feel like I just poked a rock” 
He laughed and shook his head at your comments “Let's get you to bed before you say more shit you’ll regret tomorrow.” 
“I don't regret anything, I’ve been thinking about how cute you are all day, and those big arms wrapped around-” You blabbered but were cut off by Dean.
“Yep time for bed, but give me a heads up sweetheart if you still feel this way after you’ve sobered up” 
“I’m going to pay, then we’re going to get in the car, then get you to bed” he added
“Very forward, I like it” you giggled with a raise of your brows. 
After Dean paid he walked you out to the Impala, you stumbling slightly finding it hard to walk after being sat down all night. 
“I'm cold” you lied, you were not cold but you wanted his jacket.
“You have a sweater on?” he replied with confusion lacing his tone.
“You're supposed to give me your jacket then I can smell like you” you told him and tried to give him a hug while still walking. 
He forced a sigh then wrapped his jacket around you. You snuggled into it and thanked him.
After a car ride consisting of you informing Dean your feet hurt and you were tired, the two of you arrived back at the motel.
Dean opened the door to yours and Bobby's shared room. You giggled noticing the lights were off. 
Dean attempted to shush you “he's probably asleep already, quiet down” 
You only laughed harder at the fact you needed to be quiet “he looks like Ebenezer Scrooge when he sleeps, he just needs the little hat” you commented through your giggles, Dean tried to hide his smile to not encourage you. 
“I always think the ghost of Christmas past is gonna get him” you said before bursting into laughter and Dean quickly slapping his hand over your mouth. He pushed you into the bathroom and shut the door attempting to muffle your giggles. He flipped the light on and asked you where your duffle bag was. 
“In the room somewhere” you shrugged 
“Well no shit sweetheart” 
“It's on my bed I think” you giggled 
“Okay perfect you stay right here and I’ll go get it then you're going to change and go to bed” he told you
Dean groped through the dark until he found your bag, it was sitting on your bed as you had told him. He made his way back to the bathroom to find you sitting on the toilet lid, playing with the toilet paper roll that had the first square folded into a fancy shape. 
“Isn't this just precious” you said and showed him the toilet paper
“Yes, very cute put it down” he said and took the roll out of your hands, placing it on the counter. 
He opened your bag and fished out your shorts and a tee shirt “get changed” 
“No can do, can’t get my pants off” you shrugged with a fake sigh 
Usually Dean would be enthralled to take a girl's pants off but he wasn’t in the mood for an ass whooping from Bobby. 
He just prayed Bobby wouldn’t wake up because you weren’t budging. He helped you shimmy your jeans off your legs, then slipped your shorts onto you. 
“Need help with my shirt too” you said as you shrugged his jacket off your shoulders and put it into your lap. 
He slipped your crewneck over your head, your shirt coming off with it. He quickly took in your figure, admiring the sight of you in your bra before he slipped a clean shirt over your head. 
You unclasped your bra and slipped it off from under your shirt before tossing it on the bathroom floor. 
“Really? you can do that but you can’t change on your own” Dean whisper yelled 
“I can’t show you too much” you shrugged “now can you carry me to bed?”
He was willing to do anything to get you in bed at this point so he scooped you up in his arms and carried you out to your bed, you giggled as he threw you down onto the sheets. 
“Go to bed now” he whispered and you quickly made yourself comfortable under the blankets, cuddling into his jacket that you still held in your arms. 
You heard the door close and you soon drifted off to sleep. 
You awoke around four in the morning the red numbers off the alarm clock informing you of the time. You were starving and the alcohol had barely worn off. you crawled out of bed and slipped on Dean's jacket, it hung loosely on your figure, the length going past your shorts and the sleeves being far too long. You were glad for the added warmth because you were freezing. 
You were absolutely craving fried chicken and you dug through the mini fridge wholeheartedly expecting to find some, when the disappointment hit you, you left the room and went into Sam and Dean's room, letting yourself in with the spare key you had been given. 
You began to dig through their refrigerator in the dark, expecting to find some chicken but when you heard a gun click and the light flipped on, you spun around, met by Dean in his underwear and Sam shuffling in moments later with his blanket wrapped around him.
“What the hell are you doing” Dean asked 
“I want fried chicken so bad” you complained 
“Why would we have fried chicken?” Dean asked, still groggy and confused. 
“I don’t know I just wanted to check” you told him 
Sam laughed at the interaction, telling Dean he shouldn’t have let you drink so much before he headed back to his bed. 
“I promise I will get you fried chicken in the morning but please go back to bed” Dean told you 
“You look cute in your undies” you giggled 
“And you look cute in my jacket now go to bed” he mimicked your giggle. 
You agreed but not before you made him promise to get you your food in the morning, you made him lock pinkies with you despite his complaints of annoyance. 
You made your way back to your room and quickly fell asleep again. 
The next morning was hell, Bobby woke you up around 8 and you were met with a headache and a need for water. The second you stood up you found yourself running to the bathroom as a nauseating feeling built in your throat. 
You heard Sam and Dean talking as you were throwing up the memories of last night. Both of them asking how you were doing, and Bobby explaining you were currently throwing up, expecting an explanation from Dean as to why. 
Dean ducked out of the conversation “I’m going to get her water and hold her hair back, like a man does” he walked into the bathroom and gave a small chuckle at your figure hunched over the toilet. 
“Do not fucking laugh at me” you groaned 
“You still want that fried chicken” he asked, and you gagged at the thought, he grabbed you a cup of water to rinse your mouth out with and handed you the toilet paper you had been previously admiring to wipe your mouth off with. 
You wiped the sweat from your forehead and the tears from your eyes before standing up to brush your teeth. 
“You still gotta work today you know” Dean told you 
you rolled your eyes at him and after you had finished brushing your teeth you said “I’ll survive, I can tolerate sitting and reading, you have to go fight the things” 
You and Dean joined Bobby and Sam, Sam having told Bobby about you breaking into their room. You were expecting to get your ass chewed out but all you got from Bobby was “Kid I’m glad you had fun, you need to loosen up sometimes, but we still need your help today, so I expect your best” 
You agreed and gave him a quick hug before setting up a spot to research on the desk in the room. 
Sam and Dean left to put on formal clothes as they were posing as detectives and had to look the part. They returned to the room after changing. 
“Don’t you boys look handsome” you said with a grin 
“We have to be believable” Dean grumbled 
“I’m being serious, you look nice” you smiled “I’m going to look for potential demonic activity in other areas, call me if you need anything” 
“Will do sweetheart” Dean replied 
“Thanks for all your help y/n, we’ll pick you up some fried chicken on our way back” Sam grinned 
Your stomach churned at the thought of eating anything but maybe you’d change your mind later in the day, so you didn’t shut him down. 
As the three were turning to leave you said “by the way Dean, I do still feel like that” earning a grin from him and his head flooding with thoughts of what he could do to you when he got back. 
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