#it's like. it's like this: i grew in a super conservative environment

[theflavorofmyautismisspicy]

lmao @ your most recent post. Made me wonder what the bunch's political values would be tbh (bc of "tax evader" and "Communist"). Marlon deffo is the most politically involved, he probably also cares a lot about climate change n stuff. I could see jojo being very environmentally conscious as well, it's the animal lover in him. all the german letterboxd reviews for the first dwk movie call leon a fascist (he is WORSE in the movies) which feels pretty harsh, but he honestly seems like somebody who doesn't vote. He hates cops tho n might be one of those leftists who is a bit too focused on the idea of a violent revolution. he also believes in conspiracy theories. Markus and deniz are super rich so there's that. Herr von Theumer is a fiscally conservative right winger for sure. vanessa has to grow out of her girl hating phase to be a proper feminist. raban is just vibing, but i could see him being pretty educated on and interested in the political machinery so to speak.

Yooo very interesting points !! Also agreed, Marlon and Jojo definitely care for the environment and Herr Von Theumer is looking at his sons friends like “of course you’re a soccer player and have pronouns”. Raban is well educated, Vanessa has her feminist awakening and Leon is convinced the government is out there to get him. I see that.

I also honestly really like to think that the bunch all grew to really dislike both capitalism and the government because of the events in season 2. You know with the whole capitalism and corrupted politicians being the main villains. Anarchy for the win. Then again, like you said, Markus and Deniz came from very rich backgrounds so maybe they’re a bit more ignorant about certain things

Also WHAT IS GOING ON IN THOSE MOVIES😭

[faithfromanewperspective]

how did you arrive at your progressive punk christianity outlook after being immersed in conservative christianity?

ooh!! good question. see I don’t really think what I was immersed in was particularly conservative—in circles I’ve been around we’ve always dissed Americans for being conservative (kinda mean I know) and my dad used to take me to climate change protests in the 2000s and I was always taught the 6 days of creation aren’t literal, the rapture isn’t real, women in stem etc. idk how it was anywhere else but the part of sydney I grew up in was just Like That, there was encouragement to give to the poor to actually end poverty and people actually did even though none of us really had heaps and I guess I wasn’t raised to be okay with entitlement but simply be kind to everyone? And I didn’t even know what conservative was until I was maybe 17 (I thought it was a style of fashion for ages and then I thought it meant conserving nature and history). It was always just Christians are meant to be genuinely kind and not have sex til you’re older and preferably married yknow?? and work hard, like the protestant work ethic was def a thing but somehow in a non ableist way as much as this is possible— I get real impatient with people bitching about stuff getting taken away from them, not realising how much they have when I probably have less and I’m usually giving away as much as I’m able and as much will put me in a state of perceived danger. It’s definitely a form of rebellion against them to see how little I can survive on which I’m working on. I also didn’t even know that so many Christians were transphobic like I thought it was only the extreme theobros. I also had a really lovely geography teacher in high school who was also a Christian and used her faith to drive environmental action, my biology teacher was a Christian and stood up for trans rights and I also had acccss to the internet to read up on clobber passages and hear peoples stories and it was always like ‘oh yeah some Christians believe different things based on how they read this stuff’ and I don’t think it was until I was old enough to actually vote and saw what propoganda was going around I really realised the power dynamic behind it, with the rise of the Australian Christian lobby which felt like it was straight out of the US. I fully thought voting was just liberals if you like fossil fuels, greens to save the environment, and labor if you’re a people pleaser and like fun little rhymes like ‘Kevin 07’ and attempting to be feminist but not really getting anything done. I actually met Martyn Iles once and was like ‘damn this guy is a fake Aussie this isn’t how we do Christianity’. I also got super burnt out by how hard and how biblically I tried to love my classmates on top of the Protestant work ethic about my schoolwork I never really cared about for myself, and was well versed in theology enough to be like HA! Grace means that we don’t have to do all that and can just do our sustainable best, still thinking my view was mainstream. I went to uni to study enviro sci at 17 and I thought my convictions to not drive unless Absolutely Necessary were driven by Christian ethics (which they were, how rigid I was with it was a pda response though). Then over the years realised very belatedly how people often didn’t validate my views and experiences and I’d expect they would (bc they were biblically rooted) and got quite hurt when they didn’t. Spent years in different volunteer ministries trying to put together the kind of community talked about in books like Philippians only to constantly be let down and feel isolated and that only driving me to work harder, despite knowing God’s grace meant I didn’t have to feeling like I couldn’t stop while my earthly needs for connection were unmet, saying yes to things I’d previously said no to because I got a sense of temporary community and belonging every time I joined a new serving team. Tried extra hard to make places inclusive and expected everyone else to be working as hard on it as I was and feel the desperation like I did and got super hurt when they didn’t, oh I guess I’ll have to do it all myself then.

I’ve always struggled with the concept of hell, tbh I heard about it way too young and never had a drop of self preservation instinct in my body only didn’t want to let God down by saying no. I’ve particularly always struggled with the whole urgency motivation like I’m trying, I’m doing the best I can, I listen to people and actually speaking the gospel into their lives in a way that hits home for them (bc I was thinking about how to do this in an empathetic and understanding and autonomy respecting way from a Very Young Age like I used to attempt to evangelise on moshi monsters to get an idea) and shit, I’m like 19 years old at this stage and I’m tired. If only I could just have one last hurrah to change places with someone so they can go to heaven instead of me? Id take it. and I basically worked myself to the point of being that suicidal and kept fucking going because God made me good at science so I can save the planet and end world hunger, and I had this conviction to contextualise (this is what we learned at afes btw) the gospel to really be real to queer folk and indigenous folk and other people of colour and marginalised people (it’s easy to see oppression with my background and my neurotype tbh) and maybe I could make myself suffer now bc God wasn’t gonna let me do that for eternity? anyway eventually left afes bc I was being so stretched and getting so isolated and the work I was doing there wasn’t achieving any of these things and I realised if I stayed I might end up dead and I wasn’t ready to go to heaven yet when my work wasn’t done. or at least so constantly dysregulated I wouldn’t be as able to be kind to others and show them the gospel.

around this time I’m also putting together a pretty comprehensive framework for how to actually solve global problems in a productive way, I’ve unpacked the pride in a lot of Christian mission projects and how they often were a feel good thing but not actually respectful or effective and I’d come up with literally hundreds of ideas for projects I could do to actually help, none of which I obviously had time for I think I was working up to 3 jobs while studying and serving in church and doing my hobbies that kept me kind of sane as well? which was discouraging to say the least, driving a kind of rageful resentment. Around that time I also discover PDA and my whole life makes sense, I start on my adhd meds which I had to jump through a million hoops to get and realise maybe I can finish uni.

a pda framework as I dive more into that and how to be actually neurodivergent affirming and actually recover from burnout long story short makes me realise how ableist much of our concept of sin and holiness really is and how much we need to destigmatise sin and stop using it as a way to intellectualise actual things happening in our brains and nervous systems and maybe we’d feel a lot less hopeless about it like it’s some big mystery if we actually did unpack the fear and threat responses and trauma behind it. Which we always say we will do but practically, church doenst give a space to do that bc you’re gonna be shamed. even for the people who are non affirming I’d be like, but isn’t it a logical step to someone who’s not yet been convicted to celibacy (if that’s something they think they should be) and realised this whole thing is unrealistic, not because the bible is wrong but because people think you can control your own brain by simply trying and trying again every time you fuck up as if that’s not gonna drive learned helplessness or actually traumatise you when you so desperately want to do better? Either that or drive you to be numb about it which I realised is what usually happens, there are certain sins people are blind to in every congregation and they’re actually intellectually unable to be convicted of that as sin because they’re stretched as far as they can go covering all other bases and being like ‘Christ covers that I didn’t Choose To Sin I’m trying not to even though it doesn’t really work’ like I’m a solutions person. if something isn’t working we’re gonna think of a new method and suddenly I understand how my brain works and those of so many others especially those who feel marginalised by the church!

and so long story short when I eventually had to quit what I was doing at church because someone cared enough to realise I hadn’t been doing well for years I was like I’m gonna follow this urge of the Spirit or simply my own head and desire for true connection I often found In exvangelical spaces and hear as many experiences as possible and use it to shape my worldview and get a bunch of hope from people who yes they’ve been marginalised but the gospel is real to them. that’s my only criteria I’m not gonna judge based on theology and I’m not ever gonna think my theological takes make anyone else wrong I’m just gonna be open to listen and shape them so there isn’t any cognitive dissonance and the grace found at the cross is real and practical and doenst have weird arbitrary limits, and I’m also gonna listen to those hurt by Christianity who some might judge as being hard hearted but I know how trauma works. and I’ve been doing that ever since, gradually getting there more and more and I think the best/funniest thing is even in more conservative spaces literally everyone I still talk to has been super encouraging of it and if we have any disagreements they’re pretty minor compared to the fact that we all believe the gospel is for everyone and we all wanna invest in social justice too (which makes me question how conservative those spaces ever were tbh). like there’s def parts of my story I won’t always tell but I feel like I come with a perspective people respect these days no matter where I am, and that’s nice in contrast to being that weird kid trying to do adult things being told either not to worry or that I don’t understand.

[nevis-the-skeleton]

So in “The Polar Star”, what would’ve happened if Arcee and Bee saw the files instead of Smokescreen?

I was reading and randomly had this thought

It’s indeed a good question, I apologize in advance if my answer is a little messy, sometimes it’s not easy to completely reimagine a scenario XD. It's true that Smokescreen really wasn't the best bot to find out the truth about Starscream, especially because of his more than inappropriate words about Cold Constructions.

Additionally, Starscream and Smokescreen are both very impulsive, which creates a torrent of chaos. We also saw what could have happened with Ratchet, and the result was not better, if not worse, due to his status as a doctor (here). But with Arcee, and especially Bumblebee, there is a possibility that the outcome could be much less dramatic.

*

First of all let's talk about Arcee, we must already put their current situation in context: the two are in a fairly cordial understanding, although they both made mistakes at the beginning, when Starscream had just joined the team, they managed to put their differences aside to work better together.

And, Arcee also has a huge advantage on her side: she's a Caminus. So this may seem like a super strange reason, but you should know that in my AU the Cold Constructions were only persecuted on Cybertron, and not on the other colonies, in particular Veloctitron and Caminus.

Caminus was the only planet to oppose the Caste System, and the Mistress of Flame also showed great disapproval of the treatment of Slaves and Cold Constructions. So the fact that Arcee grew up in an environment such as Caminus may make it easier for her to gain Starscream's trust, unlike Smokescreen.

But Arcee will still have to be careful. She'll be facing a terrified and cornered Starscream, and it's truly the worst thing that could happen with him. Both are impulsive, so if Starscream tries to fight, she won't hesitate to fight back. It will really be up to Arcee to defuse the situation, by starting a conversation directly.

I already think that, unlike Smokescreen, she won't hide what she discovered from Starscream. She will show him what she found, ask him if it is true, waiting for his reaction. Of course, the Seeker's reaction will be bad, and Arcee will have to be very quick so that it doesn't get out of hand. But it's definitely possible.

This will also be an opportunity for her to talk about the Autobots' real goal, which was never to reestablish the Caste System, as Starscream thought all along. Indeed, the Seeker must surely have wondered for a long time why a Caminus had joined the Autobot camp, when her people were against the Cybertron system.

In this alternative of my story, it would therefore not be Ultra Magnus, but Arcee who would tell Starscream about the existence of the Sentinels.

*

Now let's talk about Bumblebee, he is at a much greater disadvantage than Arcee, due to his age (which is the same as Smokescreen) and the fact that he is a Cybertronian who was raised by the Autobots. That really doesn't work in his favor.

But, Bumblebee was raised primarily by Optimus, Ironhide, and Ratchet, and the three never wanted Bumblebee to fully know Sentinel Prime, knowing full well that he really wasn't a good influence, and that his speeches were the more often inappropriate and disrespectful.

So, Bumblebee grew up in an environment where he was taught that every life was important, and that no one was worth more than the other, while Smokescreen was with a conservative and strict Creator, who viewed Cold Constructions as defective waste and Slaves as disposable robots. So, it is indeed not the best setting to have a fair point of view.

Bumblebee also has the advantage of being eloquent, despite the lack of his voice, and his empathy can greatly help him defuse the situation with Starscream. In Part 2 (spoiler alert if you haven't read it yet), when Starscream has a panic attack, it's Bumblebee who goes to see him and speaks with him. He's also the one Starscream confides in about what happened with Smokescreen, no one else (end of spoil). And it’s quite simply because despite his young age, Bumblebee knows how to listen, he manages to put himself in the other person’s place.

So, if he discovers the truth, it will be natural for the young Autobot to start a discussion with Starscream. He will know how to find the right words (or rather beeps) to calm the Seeker and put him at ease. And if Starscream asks him not to tell anyone, Bumblebee will promise not to (and promising is something very important among Transformers).

*

So, as we saw, it was really bad luck that it was Smokescreen who discovered the truth about Starscream. Arcee would have had the advantage of her origin, and the fact that she and Starscream have been getting along better for a while, while Bumblebee will have his empathy to help him.

Although, honestly, the best scenario is when Bumblebee finds out the truth, because unlike Arcee he is not impulsive, so there would be no risk of fighting, unlike with Arcee.

[apollos-olives]

yeah the whole “Americans aren’t taught to check sources” thing is bullshit and an excuse to be ignorant like yes our public school system sucks and is underfunded and teachers are ridiculously underpaid but the probability of going through 12 years of school and not having a single teacher tell you you should be checking your sources is incredibly slim. I’m a white American who grew up in a super sheltered environment in a conservative as fuck white as fuck small town and I was still taught to fact check and dig into who is publishing the stuff I’m reading and what else they’re saying and what agenda they’re pushing.

also @ these other anons even if you were never taught this stuff if you’re gonna come on here and be like “wahh I wasn’t taught this” instead of idk going out and learning how to check into your sources (easiest thing ever btw) that’s lazy as hell and you’re just looking for validation to continue being lazy and it’s especially sinister to ask a palestinian blogger to absolve you of your ignorance and unwillingness to learn and grow right now like cmon now

wow. go off i guess

[passionesolja]

Time to kinda maybe-ish talk about life and whatever else. So ima keep real as as a mf, I was raised in a conservative fundamental environment. Not as weird as some but not as normal as others. I have tons of stories, but most them not important.

A lot of y’all know I was super into Star Wars as a kid. I had depression as a kid and I used to cry and beg god to transport me into Star Wars because I felt like I could better escape my shitty circumstances. I grew up very isolated and in an very instiller community. I grew up homeschooled and by the time I went to public school as a teenager, my social skills were so stunted and I lacked any deep rooted relationships. When life got bad, and I wanted to run away I couldn’t. Because where would I go? My community isn’t large. I’m AFAB, so that did negatively impact my life. My family isn’t as super traditional as some people in these communities can be, but they’re still traditional.

I remember being told, point blank “you’re going to obey to us, and then you’re going to obey your husband” and that shit just crushed my soul. Even when I was a Christian (I haven’t been religious since 14 years old). It felt like I was some object meant to be controlled. Like literally, I’m being told that what I want for myself and my own humanity doesn’t matter. I’m not a person, I’m an object that’s going to be handed off to a man and consumed like some kind of object. Like my very purpose in the world is to be used. But there’s something in my very being that resisted that. I know people who were raised like this, and they just drank the Kool aid but I never could. Even at my most Christian. I think I developed some kind of defiance disorder as a way to combat this.

I know a lot of religiously raised women dreamt of marriage, but even as a kid it was nightmarish. Like I’m a child just dreading the idea of never once having any control over my life. “I submit to my parents and then I submit to my husband” that’s the only life that was envisioned for me. Hell, even education was something was a “it’s good to have just in case thing”. But, deep in my soul, I’m an extremely ambitious and opportunistic person. I think that’s what saved me, because my one dream in life, and the one thing I love to do, is stunt on these hoes. I’m never getting married. Im too frightened of giving anybody that level of power over me. I’m not some object for a man, im a human being.

I feel like my life has been made way more difficult than it should be all because of this. Life is hard as is but I was never intended to have the tools to be a fully autonomous human being. But I am one. I’m a mf who stands on big business. Bitch, I will sell my soul to Satan himself before I sell my freedom, body, and life to a man.

[cure-rose]

It feels really good to break free from comphet, especially as someone who grew up with no LGBT role models around. See, I grew up in a super conservative environment, and nobody really...spoke of relationships outside of heterosexuality. So I grew up thinking that I must be attracted to boys, and that I had to get a boyfriend someday.

I remember this one guy in high school...he was sort of respectable, and I think quite a few people found him attractive. He was kinda cute, and I thought I was attracted to him as well. So you know, I tried to hype myself up to talk to him and all, thinking that maybe I could get to know him and date him or something, but could never work up the courage to do so.

Later on I realize why that was. It was not that I was particularly flustered around him or anything - more likely, I just could not work up the courage, because I was trying to force myself into a situation that did not feel natural to me. I was not attracted to him, and yet, I was trying to convince myself that I was somehow. That he was somehow the one for me.

It took me a few years of trying to force myself to be attracted to men to realize that, while I could acknowledge some men as "attractive", I just could not practically see myself in a relationship with any man.

So taking all this into account, it just feels really good to discover that I am sapphic. It feels good to know that I like women...and that if I hate the idea of being with a man, then I simply do not have to do so. That I do not have to force myself to like a man if I just...do not want to. It is incredibly freeing, and it truly feels wonderful.

[triviareads]

Trivia's Monthly Book Round-Up: March 2024

Definitely a better reading month this March! I had a lot of fun with the historicals as well as the contemporary romances I read this month (including some pretty out-there finds like Beg For It by Megan Hart which I ended up adoring. I also got to read some fabulous ARCs like The Mistress Experience by Scarlett Peckham and You Should Be So Lucky by Cat Sebastian (reviews to come).

Daddy Crush by Adriana Anders

Exactly what it says on the tin, just a really well-executed age-gap romance that's tender and sexy and has a daddy kink; Jerusha grew up in a rural conservative Christian environment and moves out because she never could quite fit in with her family. She develops a crush on her new neighbor Karl and ends up asking him for sex lessons. I love how unapologetic and joyful Jerusha is about exploring her desires after not being able to do so in the past, and Karl provides her with that safe space all while feeling juuuuuuust enough guilt about being an old lech (he really isn't) to provide further entertainment for me.

Also, I appreciate the realness of the way Adriana describes their bodies— the softness, stretch marks, dimples. It's one of those things I wish we saw more often in romance novels that weren't specifically advertised as having fat rep.

Beg for It by Megan Hart

A super hot femdom romance; Corinne and Reese were in a relationship for in their early twenties, but he eventually left her to move to the Big City. Now they're middle-aged and Reese is a successful businessman looking to take over the company Corinne is CFO of. I loved reading about how the D/s dynamic just clicked for them when they first met in a flashback scene. As with all great second chance romances, their mutual resentment upon reuniting is real ("I'm not your boy anymore!"), but they're also grown-ass adults who know how to handle themselves.... for the most part. You get the sense that while both of them technically moved on, they were never able to get what they wanted from later partners; Reese loves to serve Corinne and gets off on punishment just as much as she enjoys making a meticulous (mental) list of infractions and doling the punishment out. Also, I do appreciate a book where pegging isn't treated as a one-time *special* thing (or worse, a bonus scene).

The Duke's Perfect Wife by Jennifer Ashley

At long last I decided to retry Jennifer Ashley and I ended up adoring this book! After years of no contact, Eleanor approaches her ex-fiancé Hart to inform him someone is threatening to leak his nude photos. Hart is a gruff, growly SCOTTISH duke who's trying to become Prime Minister so.... this is inconvenient. For all of Hart's posturing, he never got over Eleanor and the man is Obsessed with her. There's so much I loved about this story— there's such a valid reason as to why Eleanor broke off her previous engagement with Hart and I feel like they both learned and grew from it in the following years. BUT that doesn't mean the chemistry isn't there— it was always there (as shown in the flashbacks) and it will always be there, and it's bonkers hot. Like, Eleanor hoards Hart's blackmail nudes in her Hart Scrapbook (I know) and when she's found out, she asks for more nudes (which are taken. in a veeeery hot scene that is very female gaze-y). Obviously he asks for hers in return, which he also takes, eventually.

Rules for a Proper Governess by Jennifer Ashley

@mermaidsirennikita had already put this one my radar, so when the hero Sinclair McBride aka The Scots Machine aka BASHER McBride was teased in The Duke's Perfect Wife in that specific way where you know he's a future hero because he made the current hero (Hart) jealous, I had to read about this hot blond widower barrister next. The heroine Bertie is a pickpocket who tries steal Sinclair's pocket watch but he catches her and she ends up stealing a kiss instead. Then she highkey stalks Sinclair because she's FASCINATED by him and accidentally ends up as his children's governess. In classic The Sound of Music style, she gives the kids an unorthodox but well-rounded education, and on the side she's adorably seething when a widow tries to put the moves on Sinclair. She and his son successfully cockblock him and what follows is the most EROTIC finger-sucking scene I've read like, this man fully shoves 3 of her fingers in his mouth and goes for it. It's so great. I'd absolutely recommend.

The Home Wrecker by Sara Cate

I'm gonna be real, I was not impressed by the last few books Sara Cate put out, but I actually ended up really enjoying this one. Kudos to Sara for actually writing cheating into the romance, and I also thought she handled sensitive subjects like Briar and Caleb's fertility struggles (and the decision they make by the end), Dean being a sex worker, and homophobia in conservative Christian families, quite well. And the emphasis she put on family (lost, found, estranged, having children) was actually really moving by the end.

And on a romance level, the cheating stuff worked— It was kinda great to read both Caleb and Briar being galvanized into acting once they've both been with Dean, especially when you see their their intense apathy towards one another earlier on with this super cringy sex scene. I also like how we were given three distinct personalities with distinct viewpoints in the three main characters; it's something I felt was missing with the throuple in Madame. Here is my full review.

Out of Office by A.H. Cunningham

This is suuuch a sensual, tropical romance split between Panama and Miami and it's out on April 23rd. Here's my review.

Late Bloomer by Mazey Eddings

A sweet, sexy sapphic romcom for the zillenials that's out on April 16th. Here's my review.

[akitbeast]

Mecano

The Spanish band Mecano was one of my favorites during the 80s. I loved their sound, and had a massive crush on lead singer Ana Torroja. I was still a kid in a super conservative, catholic environment, and while I didn't always get all the symbolism in their music, it always felt like they were talking about deeper topics that started making sense as I grew up.

At at time when the AIDS epidemic was raging, and talking about queer topics was a huge taboo (alas, still in some spaces), Mecano didn't bat an eye at putting it into lyrics and music.

Mujer contra mujer debuted in 1990. About the relationship of two women viewed by one of their friends. And while they argue between staying in the closet vs being out.

El Fallo Positive talks about AIDS patients, the pressures of society and religion that isolate the community, often with deathly results.

TW: for suicide imagery.

[rollercoasterwords]

im curious if you grew up religious? as someone who grew up in a religious environment but left asap, i thought the way you incorporated religious themes into Nothing Fades Like The Light was super interesting & i love a good blasphemy moment <3

hahahaha yeahhhhh u caught me 🤠 not that it's anything i've tried to hide i was raised in a very conservative religious environment and my parents remain very religious to this day so! lots of good old fashioned ~religious trauma~ that seeps into most of my work. i have also just spent a good bit of time studying the bible and especially the old testament in a secular context like. i remain quite fascinated by the themes and stories i was raised with but i also. hate god. <3

also thank u so happy 2 encounter a fellow blasphemy enjoyer <3 <3 <3

[adaminabarx]

Thoughts on T-Slur Discourse

Who's allowed to say the t-slur discourse seems to be going on right now. Since I’m a 33y/o, non-passing, transexual woman who's been transitioning for about two years I might as well throw in my two cents. 

Being a Trans Child in the 90s and 00s Sucked

I was born in 1990, meaning my childhood was in the 90s and my teen years were the 00s. When I was growing up tranny wasn’t even really a slur. Transitioning your sex or gender was so unthinkable that it was just never mentioned in any real capacity. I would occasionally hear about some “freak trannies” that actually went through with a “sex-change operation”. But that’s not me, I’m not a tranny, right? Doing something like that was for someone who was truly depraved and I’m not a freak. I was told I was a boy and that was the end of it. Why would I question it?

Now you might think that I grew up in some hyper conservative, evangelical household. But no, my parents claimed the opposite. They were super liberal (didn’t even vote for reagan in the 80s), we went to a unitarian-universalist church, everywhere I was surrounded by messages of love and acceptance and being true to yourself.

Yet even in this environment, tranny wasn’t a slur. I remember hearing my younger sister in her mean-girl phase saying that other girls in her grade looked like a tranny. Faggot was a slur and would get you in trouble, but tranny was just a light insult that people would casually toss around.

I knew of exactly one trans woman back then. She went to our church and transitioned in her 50s. I was in the youth group with her son and he fucking hated her for being a tranny. He just tried to pretend she didn’t exist. There was one time I got him alone and wanted to ask him some questions about his mom. As soon as he realized what I was getting at he started ranting about embarrassing and selfish it was for her to transition. How fucked up it is that he has to have a tranny for a mom. Keep in mind that this kid was misgendering his mom at every possible point in his rant.

I also remember one time my mom decided to talk about her on the car ride home. She spent the entire ride criticizing the way this trans woman dressed and talking about how she should have “at least” waited until her kids moved out of the house.

This was the attitude towards trans women at a Unitarian Universalist church in the most open, loving, hippy-dippy, liberal part of Minnesota.

Now I could talk for days about how the 90s and 00s were a traumatizing time to be a trans kid. But let’s fast-forward to the present.

I Don’t Pass

This isn’t me being self deprecating. This is a statement of fact. My testosterone-based first puberty did immeasurable damage to my body, mind, and soul. Every day I realize more and more that every facet of my being has been shaped by the trauma of having to go through a testosterone-based puberty and the expectations that come with it.

I don’t pass, I won’t have any chance of passing until I can afford FFS, BA, and various body contouring procedures. That said, don’t come at me with any platitudes about how I don’t have to pass to be valid. That’s not the point. The point is: not passing means I’m a tranny.

I see it in everyone’s face whenever I go out in public. Whether it’s going to the grocery store or hanging out with friends. When people look at me, they see a tranny. When people interact with me, they interact with me as a tranny. No one treats me like they treat women.

And it affects me! I *know* I’m a woman in my heart of hearts. But I don’t feel like a woman, I feel like a tranny. Everyone else sees a tranny so I see a tranny in mirror every morning when I do my skincare. I see my pronounced brow, my cleft chin, my pronounced jaw, the way my lips sit on my face. I see all the markers that people use to make the judgement that I was AMAB and now I’m desperately trying to be a woman.

Kate Passes Perfectly

The place where all this is the most pronounced is actually when I’m in the presence of another trans woman I know, for the sake of this writing I’ll call her Kate. Kate is one of my cousin’s daughter’s friend. She is a 17y/o trans woman who’s been out since she was 9, got on blockers shortly after, then started HRT at 14.

I met Kate at my cousin’s daughter’s graduation party. I had only been fully out for a couple months at this point. I didn’t really even want to go to this grad party, but my extended family and their friends are all “loving” and “accepting” and “open-minded” so I let my cousin convince me to go.

When I arrived it was all eyes. Just a sea of eyes making judgmental glances. And… Like… How could they not stare!? Here I am, a 32 year old tranny dressed in a gaudy black and white outfit wearing what she *thinks* is low-key makeup. Everyone was “nice”—no one actually pointed and went “look a tranny!”—but no one treated me like a woman.

Then at some point Kate came up to me, introduced herself, and immediately told me that she was trans. I didn’t believe her, I thought she was a cis girl setting me up for some cruel joke. But she wasn’t, Kate is just a sweet young woman who was assigned male at birth. Growing up with access to information and positive representation she was able to advocate for herself and avoid the trauma that would’ve come with a testosterone puberty and male expectations.

Being around Kate was shear agony. Nobody, and I mean nobody, misgendered or stared at Kate like a tranny. Here is a young woman living the life I should’ve had. The life I would’ve had, if I had access to less cruel representation. The technology existed when I was her age, I could’ve had this life.

I didn’t have to be a tranny.

Every interaction I had at this grad party was tainted with the fact that I was a tranny. Whether it’s people asking invasive questions; or being way too interested in me; or the classic “he—err, i mean she” pronoun fuck up; or when they smile at me like I’m a homeless man begging for change while they’re loaded with cash and have no intention of parting with a single dime. Even Kate’s interactions with me were because she saw that I was a tranny and wanted to come relate.

That’s not to say I didn’t have any fun, I got a free lunch and I had a couple interesting conversations. People are generally fun to be around and talk to even if I am the token tranny. But I couldn’t stay for long, while being a tranny is better than being a man, it’s still just so hard to bear.

Anyways… About That Slur

So what am I even trying to say with all these ramblings about my trauma? That not even passing transexuals are allowed to say tranny? That I’m the arbiter of who gets to say tranny? 

Well, yeah I am.

And also no I’m not.

I mean, I can’t control people and dictate what words they say or what they think. Whether it’s a bigot calling me a tranny freak on the street or one of my extended family members muttering it to themselves when I commit the unforgivable sin of being a little cringe in my 30s.

All I have is my judgement. Take Kate, I can say with quite a bit of certainty that the word tranny has hurt me and stunted my growth more than her. I don’t want to discount any bullying that she’s gone through. But she’s not going to have to go through the horror of watching her body go through changes that are just simply wrong for her. The horror of being held to male expectations and dissociating away her teens and 20s.

So if Kate ever dropped the t-slur around me, it better be in the context of something truly poignant. Anything less and I’ll get pissed. On the other hand, If I’m talking to another trans person of similar age and transition history then I’ll probably be the one to start spouting off “tranny this, tranny that” and end up getting called out.

So when I see people that are non-binary and attractive in the manner that is expected of their assigned gender at birth start talking about reclaiming the t-slur, I don’t want to associate with them. I don’t care if they’re technically “allowed” to say it. Whether or not I confront them about it they lose my respect.

But why should you care about my respect. In all seriousness, you probably don’t. I don’t have any kind of following. And well, I literally just admitted to using conventional attractiveness as one of the measures for whether or not someone can say tranny! I clearly have a lot of self-worth issues that I need to unpack. But it’s true, and if that makes you lose respect for me then so be it. But I suspect that a lot of people hold similar values, even if they don’t want to admit it. 

So, where does this leave us? I don’t know. I don’t have any real answers. I’m just some tranny, trying to figure out her life one day at a time. If you really want some kind of prescriptive advice, I’d say: read the room; say what you wanna say; and when (not if) you fuck up, listen to the people who are having feelings about it with empathy.

As for me, I think the real reason why this discourse is so touchy for me is because I want to eventually get to a point where it would be gauche for me to drop the t-slur. One of the few things that keeps me going right now is the fact that there are surgeries that can help me look less like a tranny.

I guess that’s what gets me about this discourse. It feels like there’s a contingency of people that just want a t-slur pass. When it’s a word I want so desperately to get rid of.

[ask-serendipity-sky]

so assuredly you have no problem with people that love JK more than Jimin🥰

Anon,

No, why would I? People can love whatever they want. And dislike whatever we want.

I guess you all really don't understand where I'm coming from. I grew up in a super conservative environment. Everything I did was controlled. I could only show interest in approved things so I was never allowed to be myself. When I was myself, I would get in trouble.

So when I say "let people be" and "it's ok to love whatever you want" (as long as it doesn't cause anyone harm, of course), I really really really mean it.

Love Jungkook! He deserves it. He seems like a kind and decent human being who is incredibly talented and has worked hard. The same for Jimin. Love Jimin! Respect them both, that's all that is needed and the rest is up to you.

Thanks for stopping by.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch! Thank you for all the work you do! Do you have any tips on helping your less educated friends learn more about sex? I grew up in a conservative Christian environment and while I’ve been doing my research, a lot of my friends have some misconceptions. I never know what to say when they say those things, because I don’t want them to feel embarrassed/ashamed. Are there gentle ways to say stuff like “I don’t think it’s possible to get pregnant that way” or “that can’t be right”?

hi anon,

I like the cut of your jib. first thing's first, I gotta say this: sometimes there's not a *gentle* way to correct someone but you need to do it anyway. literally just saying "hey man, that actually can't get you pregnant" is fine. feel free to follow it up with a helpful explanation - "there's no way for a sperm and egg to ever find each other by doing that, it's not physically possible." that's fine and dare I say necessary sometimes; god knows I've done it.

but hey, listen: you're right about not wanting to make people feel embarrassed or ashamed or like you think they're stupid for not knowing; that makes them way less likely to ask in the future! so tone is important, right? so what we're not going to do is go "Stacy, you fucking idiot, that can't get you pregnant. what's wrong with you?" you don't seem like someone who would do that, but it's worth saying. we're going to come at it from an angle of "Stacy, dude, I totally understand why you might think that, because I got the same bogus education you did, but that's not actually true! you can't get pregnant that way, and here's why!"

what you want to do is establish yourself as someone who is a.) nonjudgmental and b.) safe to talk to and c.) FUN to talk to because of your enthusiasm and interest in exploring questions together. you don't have to have all the answers - nobody does, it's not possible! - just willing to find the answers together in a no-shame way. fun facts help. "you can't get pregnant via oral sex, but did you know some sexually transmitted infections can be transmitted that way? you can get chlamydia in your throat, which is why barrier methods of protection are important even for oral!"

a great, super upbeat source of education is clinical sexologist Lindsey Does' youtube channel Sexplanations. it's where I began the education that would eventually lead to me becoming your friendly local sex witch, and Dr. Doe covers a HUGE variety of topics in short, fun videos that can provide a safe entry point on all kinds of topics - everything from anal sex to kink to sex work to navigating awkward social situations that are adjacent to sex. and it can be kind of nice to have a youtube rabbit hole to go down on your own time if you're not quite comfy having one-on-one convos about sex yet!

so, in summary, what we want to do is affirm our friends' curiosity even if they're wrong, establish that we aren't passing judgment, gently course correct with accurate information, and then offer up a resource to learn more.

"hey Stacy, you can't actually get pregnant by doing that. I know, I used to think something similar, but it's not actually true - there's no way for sperm to reach an egg that way. here, there's a sexologist named Lindsey Doe has a good video about pregnancy misconceptions."

[reddy-reads]

The Mountain in the Sea, Ray Nayler (wrap up)

I finished it. I liked it!

It's not about making friends with octopi. It is very much about identity and connection (and isolation).

Humankind discovers intelligent life in an octopus species with its own language and culture, and sets off a high-stakes global competition to dominate the future. Rumors begin to spread of a species of hyperintelligent, dangerous octopus that may have developed its own language and culture. Marine biologist Dr. Ha Nguyen, who has spent her life researching cephalopod intelligence, will do anything for the chance to study them. The transnational tech corporation DIANIMA has sealed the remote Con Dao Archipelago, where the octopuses were discovered, off from the world. Dr. Nguyen joins DIANIMA’s team on the islands: a battle-scarred security agent and the world’s first android. The octopuses hold the key to unprecedented breakthroughs in extrahuman intelligence. The stakes are high: there are vast fortunes to be made by whoever can take advantage of the octopuses’ advancements, and as Dr. Nguyen struggles to communicate with the newly discovered species, forces larger than DIANIMA close in to seize the octopuses for themselves. But no one has yet asked the octopuses what they think. And what they might do about it. A near-future thriller about the nature of consciousness, Ray Nayler’s The Mountain in the Sea is a dazzling literary debut and a mind-blowing dive into the treasure and wreckage of humankind’s legacy.

More thoughts and spoilers under the jump.

So, as I said: this book is not about making friends with octopi, but it's very much about consciousness/intelligence and connection/isolation/loneliness. There are octopi, and there are attempts at communication, but the book is much, much more about humans trying to connect with other humans.

The setting is very bleak. I think you could call it near-future Sci-Fi; everything happens on Earth as we know it--more or less. But various corporate forces have reshaped the planet politically in ways that are impossible to miss without the book stopping to explain what has happened. The role of... super-capitalism? In shaping the world reminds me of Murderbot, but it actually feels more bleak overall, I think because of the focus of the story and because of how vividly illustrated the consequences are. There are little glimmers of not-suck here and there, but they're like stars on a cloudy night. All of which is to say, I think the setting is very, very good.

The environment (as in, environmentalism, as in conservation) also features heavily in the book. The stuff about the over-exploitation of the ocean feels very accurate (I grew up with two marine conservationists). It's threaded through the entire book, which is interesting because... it is related to the more "universal" themes that are already present (connection), but it is a theme in its own right.

Another component of the book is the question of "what measure is a non-human?" (* I was about to hit "post" and then remembered a more succinct way to encompass this theme is just "personhood.") Despite the octopus appearing ON THE COVER, there's a lot more near-human AI stuff on the page. Heck, one of the characters is an AI in a body. I personally don't have much to say about this topic overall, but I can't not talk about it when thinking about this book.

This book had a high concept- and thematic-density, while still providing a fast-paced read. Despite the girthiness of the book, I finished it pretty quickly. (This write-up was sitting in drafts because that's how I roll.)

As I was reading it, I actually dug out my little sticker flag thingies and flagged pages throughout the book where the writing was just good. I rarely do that. I just couldn't move on until I'd done something to acknowledge this moment, and that moment, throughout.

Reading it made me feel like I wasn't quite smart enough to get enough out of it as I wanted--and I mean that in a good way! It was challenging in an exciting way.

When I finished it, I wanted to talk to someone smarter/savvier than I was about the book--or better yet, listen to them talk about what they found interesting about it.

Not just the worldbuilding (although that is fabulous and interesting) and the vision of the future that it presents (ditto), and not just the consciousness/communication/AI stuff and the subject matter, but the way the book is put together in itself is interesting! From a writing-craft perspective, I feel like there's more going on under the hood than I gleaned on my first read, and that's exciting too.

Another thing I found interesting was the ending--despite how bleak the book was overall, the ending was... not exactly hopeful, but lighter than I expected. It ends on something like a question mark rather than the period I was expecting.

Okay. Overall: Recommend. Strongly recommend! I have to sit and think about it STILL, EVEN MORE because I... really liked this book but I'm not sure how to talk about it/recommend it yet. I am still digesting.

Oh, and below please find some of the questions I scribbled down after I finished. Please forgive my spelling; I returned my copy to its owner and can't refer back for the characters' names.

Compare and contrast Rustem and Eiko and their roles in the story. What does each respective character's presence (and that of the Sea Wolf) add to the story?

Who or what controls the faceless woman?

Alongside the broader themes of identity, connection, and isolation, there is also the contrast between top-down and networked "control." (How) do these themes connect?

Altansteg is first portrayed as one thing, then another. She goes out of her way to be a cyper with her different translator. Everim is portrayed as whole and complete, as singular, as known yet mysterious. Compare and contrast other features of these characters.

Compare and contrast Ha and Dr Minervudottoir-Chen.

Anyway, if anyone out there goes and reads this book and enjoyed it, please @ me because I want to know what others thought.

[crunkcommie]

hey so I'm not jewish, but I grew up in a very religious school which had some v negative impacts, so if you don't mind me asking was/is there anything like that in judaism? Or really just other religions in general but in this case I'm asking specifically on like ur experience.

Bc i grew up with ppl constantly blaming stuff on 'oh its for God' and 'Oh dont do/talk about that its sinful' and 'you have to be faithful' and like I was wondering if this is common in other religions, or if this just some extreme fanaticism i had to grow up with

also srry if I use any wrong terminology or anything, like I said I'm not jewish so pls correct me if I said anything wrong

Ty!!!!

P.S. ur rlly cool, i love seeing ur reblogz n stuff :)

HELLLLOOOO this has been sittin in my ask box 4 quite sum time so imma answer it now !!!

first of all id like to say that this is actually a very common question that i get from non-jewish friends.

and i would have to say, it all depends on interpretation and sect of judaism !!!

when i was super young, i was raised without a religion. i knew my mother was jewish and therefore i was, and i was very curious about judaism !! i started going to a jewish camp at around age 7.

my mother, as i previously stated, is a jewish atheist (but participates in jewish traditions) and is relatively socially progressive. my father was raised catholic and is (in his words) "socially progressive and fiscally conservative".

but anyways, as i have explored judaism and my place in the jewish world, i feel most aligned with reform judaism. me and my mother are trying to become more involved in jewish traditions. i am still on my religious journey and i always enjoy talking to other jews about their experiences with religion and on being a jew in a mostly christian society.

reform judaism is also known as "progressive judaism" or "liberal judaism". it's based around the idea that as jews we should adapt our traditions and beliefs to our modern day environment.

so due to this, i didn't grow up around extreme religion-based homophobia, transphobia, and the like.

however, i have quite a few friends who are growing up in orthodox/conservative jewish households and their experiences sound much like yours.

but as we know, not all jews or sects of judaism are the same :)

i really enjoyed answering this ask !!!!

[mod-kyoko]

thh cast (being friends w each other) in school hcs?

i live for requests like this guys

thh cast being friends with each other!! school au

now, it would be unrealistic for all 16 of them to be besties, there are definitely cliques, but it's pretty drama free. they are all mostly mature enough to be chill with each other

here are a few groups i think would spend the most time together:

aoi, sakura, chihiro. aoi and sakura immediately clicked, and became inseparable. then, chihiro joined the group. when she came out as trans, they immediately accepted her and started inviting her over for sleepovers so she could experience the teenage life a typical girl would. and, of course, aoi and sakura are all about going to the gym, so chihiro ended up tagging along. she hated it at first, but wanted to get stronger like sakura. aoi helps keep her on the wagon of exercise.

mondo, taka, mukuro. mondo and taka sort of just happened on accident, but then mukuro joined later. mondo thought she was super badass when he first met her, so he started inviting her to hangout with him and taka. at first mukuro thought taka was too uptight, but eventually his passion grew on her. they spend a lot of time playing darts, cards, and video games.

junko, sayaka, makoto. junko and sayaka clicked because their ultimates both made them extremely famous, and they understand what it's like to be idolized and followed. and they both absolutely adore makoto, so they ended up kind of following him around, and he loves them both too. junko often takes them off to splurge at the mall, and sayaka forces them to do karaoke with her from time to time. junko is such a flirt, it's how she shows affection to her friends, and she loves to fluster them both.

kyoko, celeste, byakuya. i don't want to say these three are the most intelligent of the group, but i would say they are the most mature. byakuya can barely stand to be around his classmates most of the time, but it's refreshing to be around some people who share his level of intelligence. celeste somehow always ropes them into playing cards. but they also like to just sit down and talk from time to time. they are all invested in each other's futures. and, all three of them happen to love tea, so they drink it almost every time they are together, sometimes even going out to tea shops.

now i'm going to pair each character with who i think they would spend most of their time with one on one. (basically who is whose best friend?)

aoi and sakura (literally ride or die, the most beautiful friendship you'll ever see)

mukuro and junko (sisters so of course they are inseparable, they really do love each other)

makoto and sayaka (everyone thinks they are dating but they aren't.... yet)

kyoko and celeste (both of them are very conservative on the outside but when they are together they are the same as any other teenage girl)

leon and yasuhiro (weed bros and metal heads definitely)

mondo and taka (most beautiful bromance ever you can't deny)

toko and byakuya (under different circumstances/environment like in a school au i think their relationship dynamic would be very different)

chihiro and hifumi (both nerds lmfao it just makes sense.)

general headcanon:

when high school is just a distant memory, they hold annual class reunions to keep the memories alive, and they take turns hosting it at each of their houses

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

loved.

-mod kyoko

[demoisverysexy]

Wait, you're Mormon? I'm ex-Mormon and grew up in Utah (and currently still live here) so it's always super interesting to me to find Mormons on tumblr, especially progressive Mormons. I haven't been in touch with the Mormon side of my family years and don't really keep up with anything that happens in the church anymore, but I'm always fascinated seeing people discuss things on here that I haven't thought about in nearly a decade. If you don't mind me asking, what draws progressive Mormons into staying a part of the church?

Hey! A cool ex-Mormon! I love to see it. Hit me up in my DMs if you wanna chat!

First off, oof, Utah. I do not envy you. I have fortunately never lived in Utah, and I grew up around Boston, which means that I was exposed early on to more liberal and left-leaning Mormons. That along with being the only Mormon in my school made it so that being Mormon became a part of my identity early on, and that I was exposed to both a version of Mormonism more open to new ideas, and an environment where I lived mostly with non-Mormons. Me becoming a liberal was inevitable, and when my Mom introduced me to theology (specifically the works of Adam S. Miller, go read his work now), it would eventually lead to me getting interested in philosophy, which in turn led to me being a queer Marxist. Thanks to my unique trajectory though, Mormonism has always been a relatively comfortable part of my identity, in spite of everything.

I can see how that might be a bit weird to see. My church is, after all, rather infamous for some of its more, ah, conservative doctrines and practices, both past and present. And while I cannot speak for every progressive Mormon, I can speak as to why I stay. A few reasons:

I love being Mormon. I love the Book of Mormon, I love a lot of Mormon doctrines and theology, I love the history, I love the sacrament, I love a lot of the culture, and I love Mormon people. I love it I love it I love it, even with all the problems it has.

As an act of defiance. I don't want my church to get the last say on what it means to be Mormon. I am a Mormon, whether they want me or not. I can't let the conservatives win with their assumption that someone like me can't be a faithful Mormon. So I stay to spite them, and prove them wrong. I'm a Mormon, but in a punk way.

I love the doctrine and theology. I feel that my unique way of looking at Mormon doctrine, influenced by the works of theologians and Marxists, is in many ways more harmonious with what the doctrine is saying than many church-sanctioned interpretations. What if we look at the Book of Mormon through a Marxist lens? Through a literary one? What if we take seriously some of the ideas that Joseph Smith had that bordered on an almost non-theistic, materialist theology? What if we question whether or not the Book of Mormon is historical while believing it to be scripture all the same? Mormonism is, fundamentally, a religion of asking questions. It's how the church came to be, and it's how it goes on, in my opinion. Mormonism persists because it is an ethos, a way of viewing the world and engaging with it in a creative way. For me, letting it breathe like this has been a source of joy and enlightenment. Mormon doctrine, untethered to the institution that demands a strict interpretation of it, can sing.

I am a believer in personal revelation, and at the end of the day, this church is mine. It doesn't belong to the general authorities, but to me and God. I don't care too much about what they have to say, really. If they say something that gets in the way of my understanding of God, I gripe about it for a day, then move on. I'm still a Mormon. What are they going to do?

I believe that while I can do some good, staying in the church will help other people like me. So until I can no longer do it in a safe way, I plan on being an active Mormon for as long as possible. Seems that it's a place I can do some good.

That should about do it, I think. Hit me up if you wanna chat, or have other questions, or wanna be my friend! I love meeting new people, and I would love to hear more about your experiences, anon. Thank you for your lovely question.