#it's not like we invite a lot of folks every year anyways

[fly-sky-high-09]

Man today sure is something

[miracleonice87]

new heights, new news, new baby

part of the kissing kelce universe

a/n: I've come to the conclusion that I will never be organized enough to make this a well-planned, thought-out, sequential series, so I've decided I'm just gonna post things hella outta order and then reorganize them into a chronological masterlist. deal? deal. 🤝 enjoy more daddy-to-be trav and, introducing, supportive uncle jason. takes place the day travis leaves for chiefs training camp.

warnings: mention of pregnancy / babies, mention of anxiety / sadness / loneliness, plenty of crying both happy and sad teras, swearing, I think that's it

word count: ~4,400+

___

July 22, 2023

“Now, before we get into our training camp preview and talk about some expectations for the season, Travis, you had a little something you wanted to say to the good folks at home?” Jason prompted, teeing up his brother on this week’s New Heights episode – the last they’d record before they both left for their respective camps. 

Travis nodded, his blue eyes sparkling. “A little something, indeed, my brother,” he teased. “We have an announcement today, y’all! Alright nah!”

“Some new news, one might say!” Jason added, referencing the beloved segment of their podcast. 

“NEW NEWS!” Travis shouted excitedly. “Yo, can I get a drumroll please?”

Jason immediately started rolling his tongue, pretending like he had drumsticks in his hand. Travis continued, speaking over the sound. 

“This is like, the biggest announcement of my whole entire life. There were points where I never thought I’d be sharing news like this. It’s so crazy that I even get to do this right now. Gah dang. But, uh, anyway, I know we joke around here a lot, but this is a big one, folks, and I-”

Jason interrupted his brother’s emotional rambling, as well as his own sound effects. “Get to the point, please, my mouth is getting tired!” Jason picked his drumroll back up seamlessly as Travis giggled like a schoolboy. 

“Alright, y’all… here we go,” Travis said, rubbing his hands together mischievously. “Mrs. Kelce, would you please come over here, sweetness?” he requested, his voice syrupy smooth as he extended a hand, inviting you into the camera shot. 

Instead of crouching to put your face into frame as you normally would for your occasional brief pop-ins to the podcast, you stood next to Travis’s chair so that only your middle was showing, your stance perpendicular to the camera so the now-round profile of your belly was clearly visible. Jason gasped as if he hadn’t already known the news for months. You rested a hand on the top of your stomach, making it unmistakable what you and Travis were announcing, and he reached his own hand out to palm your bump, which at this point he could still easily do thanks to his impossibly big hands.

He held your free hand in his, beaming up at you, then looked back to the camera. 

“We’re havin’ a baby, y’all!” he shouted, before letting out a “wooooo-eee!”

On the other end of the Zoom, Jason was clapping and whooping excitedly, matching his brother’s energy. 

Travis then patted his lap, inviting you to sit down to, one, get you off your feet and, two, make it so your face was also visible in frame. 

“This is the moment we’ve been waiting for, folks!” you heard Jason boom theatrically as you put on the AirPods Max that Travis had set aside for you ahead of the recording. “Wyatt and Elliotte have been asking every day since they found out what a ‘cousin’ was when they were gonna get one, asking why Uncle Travvy and Auntie don’t have babies like me and mommy, telling them they can take Bennett home with them if they wanted…”

Travis cackled, throwing his head back. “That is a true statement,” he said as he held your hips firmly. 

“1000%, can confirm,” you added, wrapping your own hands around your husband’s. He squeezed your fingers a few times, and you threw him an adoring smile over your shoulder as his brother continued. 

“And we all know Mama Kelce has been hoping for this for years now. So this is obviously something the whole extended Kelce family has been anticipating for a long time, and it’s finally here, and we couldn’t be happier for you guys,” Jason said, tone more serious now. 

“Aww, thank you, my brother,” Travis said fondly, pressing a reverent kiss to your shoulder. 

“Yeah, thank you, Jase, so much. We’re so excited to finally give the girls a cousin!” you said. 

“Now, tell us how this happened,” Jason began. 

Travis cleared his throat. “Well, you see, Jason, when two people love each other very much-”

The older brother rolled his eyes and interrupted. 

“You know what I mean!” he insisted. “Just tell the people however much you wanna tell ‘em.” 

Travis looked to you as if silently asking for permission, and you simply gestured toward the camera. 

“Go ahead, Trav,” you said, a jesting tone to your voice. “I know it’s something you’re very proud of, so please share with the class.”

With that, Travis turned back toward the camera and waggled his eyebrows, getting as close to the mic as possible. 

“Well, folks… we made us a Super Bowl baby,” he said dramatically before letting out his signature cackle. You simply deadpanned to the camera, Jim Halpert-style, and shrugged.

Jason nodded emphatically. “You suuure did,” he said with a knowing laugh. “You knew I was having a kid right after the Super Bowl and you wanted to jump on the train.” 

You and Travis exchanged a devilish glance.

“Yeah, something like that,” you joked, knowing that jumping on Jason and Kylie’s train by conceiving a baby mere days before she gave birth to their third was certainly not your original plan. “I mean, what better Super Bowl souvenir could you ask for than a baby?!” you said wryly, causing Travis to look into the camera haughtily. 

“A Lombardi, a ring, and a kid,” he said, counting off on his fingers. “Alright nah,” he repeated, far too pleased with himself. 

“That’s awesome,” Jason said, still smiling. “Now, how are you feeling? I know it was a tough road there at first.” 

You nodded, and you felt Travis’s hold on your waist tighten protectively, maybe even subconsciously. “Yeah, I was pretty sick there for a few months, couldn’t get ‘out of the house’ a whole lot, much to this podcast’s dismay, but thankfully, that mostly passed when my first trimester ended,” you explained. “We don’t wanna necessarily share our exact due date, but I’ll say I’m well into my second trimester now and I’m feeling good. I’ve gotten to enjoy not only just the relief of feeling better but also the excitement of sharing this with friends and family – obviously, Mama and Papa Kelce, you and Kylie, all my family, and we just started telling the team, too, which has been really fun.” 

“Aww, that’s the best,” Jason remarked. “What was Big Red’s reaction?”

Travis piped up at the mention of his head coach. “Uh, to no one’s surprise, he looked me dead in the eye with the most serious fucking look on his face and said, ‘surprised it took ya this long, son,’” he revealed in his best Andy Reid voice, making you shake your head in amusement. 

“Yep, nope, does not surprise me one bit,” Jason said, giggling. “And what about your boy Mahomes?”

“Aw, man, Pat was so pumped up, and Brittany, too,” Travis replied. “Pat just started runnin’ laps around his kitchen yellin’ ‘let’s go! let’s fucking go!’ He ‘bout knocked me over!” 

“Yeah, those two have tagged us with babysitting duty on the regular for a couple years now, ever since Sterling was born, hoping that we would catch that baby fever and give her a playmate,” you added, laughing as you looked down at Travis. “I can’t say that’s necessarily what happened, but, um, either way, Sterling and Bronze will have another little team buddy to play with here soon which will be so fun to see. Brittany and Patrick have both been so great for both of us, just letting us know kind of what to expect, things that you might not learn in all the books or from your parents who did this a few decades ago. Especially with us all being on the same team, even just getting the lowdown on the logistical stuff, those two are just the best. They’re super excited for us which is just a really great feeling.” 

“No doubt – I’ve got a feeling this will bring you guys even closer,” Jason mused.

“Absolutely – already has,” Travis said. “So, yeah! That’s the big ‘New News’ for today, everybody. We’ve been keeping this on the DL for quite some time, and we just wanted to be able to share this ourselves in the way we choose, because obviously with camp starting tomorrow and the season just right around the corner, cameras might catch some footage of Mrs. Kelce visiting camp, in the stands, whatever, and we didn’t want people to be weird, so… y’all heard it here first!”

“Damn straight,” Jason asserted. “And just one more thing… I wanted to say, before our mom-to-be hops off here. I, uh… aw, fuck, I swore to Kylie I wasn’t gonna cry,” he said, sniffling as he fixed his eyes toward the ceiling, blinking repeatedly. 

“Aww, Jase!” you murmured as you watched him tear up. 

“I’m good, I’m good,” he assured, still sniffling as he continued. In the corner of the screen, you could see your husband beginning to well up, too, and you caressed his thigh soothingly as he sat in poignant silence. “I just wanted to say that when Travis told us the news, that was truly the happiest I have ever seen my brother – and this dude has been drafted to the NFL, he’s been a Pro Bowler, All-Pro, broken so many records, won two Super Bowls. But by far, the happiest and most excited I’ve ever seen this guy is telling us that you’re having a baby. And as his big brother, that just makes me so fuckin’ proud.” 

You and Travis were both pawing at fallen tears by now, and Travis could only manage a quiet “thank you.” You patted his knee and, after a deep breath, shared your own thoughts. 

“Thank you, Jase, and while we’re making each other cry–” both brothers chuckled at that, “–I’ll say that I know Travis is going to be the best dad, not only because of the incredible man and husband that already he is, and the way you both were raised by your own amazing parents, but also because of the example you have set for him, Jason, by being such an awesome dad to your three girls.” You paused and took a deep, shuddering breath, and Travis rubbed your back to calm you. Jason was nodding, tears streaking his face. “So thank you for that, and for all your love and support through everything, and Kylie’s, too. You guys are gonna be the greatest aunt and uncle this kid could ever ask for, and Travis and I can’t wait to watch that.” 

Travis let out a whistle, cheeks, nose, and eyes pink from crying. “Uh, I will never make it through this episode if I add anything more to that, so I will just say, here here, baby girl,” he offered with a laugh. “We love you, brother.” 

“I love you guys, too,” Jason said as he finally regained his composure. “Whew! Yeah, how the fuck are we supposed to keep recording after all that?! Can we just be done? I am emotionally exhausted. I need a nap.” 

As Travis giggled boyishly, you agreed, “I do, too, so I’m gonna leave you guys to it. Thanks for having me, guys; thanks for giving me a baby, Trav; and good luck at camp, Jase. We’ll talk soon.” 

Travis tapped the outside of your thigh pointedly, his frequent way of silently requesting a kiss. You grasped his chin to peck his lips as Jason thanked you and said a final goodbye. 

“Have a good nap, mama,” Travis cooed as you took off your headphones and returned them to their original spot. “Daddy’ll be up as soon as we’re done,” he added playfully.

You laughed and rolled your eyes, shoving his shoulder as you stood up and exited the frame. 

“Oh, Jesus, he’s already calling himself ‘Daddy,’” Jason complained with a weary sigh.

___

Normally, after wrapping an episode, Travis would bound up the stairs and infuse your home with all the leftover energy he had built up during the podcast recording with his brother. One of your favorite things about him co-hosting the podcast, in addition to loving the scheduled opportunity it created for him to connect with his brother, was how buoyant of a mood he was always in after a recording.

But today, the feeling that settled over your household when he wrapped the episode about an hour after your surprise guest appearance was much less chipper.

Today, Travis trudged upstairs to do the one thing he’d been dreading all summer – say his goodbyes to you before leaving for training camp. Though camp at Missouri Western State University was only about an hour from your home in the outskirts of Kansas City, he wouldn’t be home again for five days; instead, he’d be staying on campus with the team and bunking in a dorm. Normally, departing for camp and knowing he’d be spending days on end with his teammates focusing on making themselves better football players excited him, save for a hint of sadness about being away from you, but this particular camp, having to leave his five months pregnant wife at home, he was not looking forward to by any stretch of the imagination. 

When Travis pushed open the basement door, he found you lounging on the couch with your back to him, legs outstretched on the plush cushions as you cradled your bump, some version of the Housewives franchise playing on the TV in front of you. You tipped your head back onto the arm of the couch in order to see him and asked, “how’d it go?” 

He took advantage of your position to rest his thumbs on your cheekbones and give you an upside-down “Spider-Man kiss.” 

“Went great,” he answered curtly, a vastly different response than the pumped-up recap you normally received. “That was the easy part of today,” he added, gazing down at you with his brow furrowed. Even upside-down, he was struck by your captivating beauty, which only tightened the lump already forming in his throat. 

Did he really have to fucking do this?

You groaned, drowning in your own feelings of dread, and sat up, signaling the dogs at your feet to follow your lead. You reached out your hands in order to allow Travis to help you up from the couch and gave him your bravest face as he did so. 

“I’ll walk you out,” you said, feigning confidence. But the crack in your voice when you added “can’t have you showing up late” revealed the crack in your armor, and you watched Travis’s chin drop to his chest, his eyes fixed on his shoes as he forced himself to take one… step… at a time closer to the front door. 

One foot in front of the other, Travis.

You led the way, fluttering your eyelashes repeatedly in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. The dogs circled your feet as you attempted to walk out the front door, and Travis, fearing a fall, whistled and called them back into the house, patting both their heads as he passed.

When the two of you reached Travis’s Range Rover, already packed with all he needed for camp – duffels full of clothes and shoes, an array of video game consoles, deck of cards and set of pong balls for the inevitable team drinking games, and all his favorite snacks, along with a secret handwritten note you’d tucked into his toiletry kit in order to surprise him upon his unpacking – you stood a couple of feet apart, quiet, your husband shuffling his feet beneath him as you shifted your weight uncomfortably from side to side. You gazed up at him helplessly, a rigid, lips-only smile fixed on your face, and he took this moment for yet another reveal, sifting through his shorts pockets to find what he’d grabbed on the way out the door.

“I know this sucks, sweetness, but… I do have a surprise for you…” He dangled a set of keys in front of you which you noticed were not his. 

“New car?” you teased halfheartedly, recognizing the worn key fob to your Porsche after a moment. 

“Mm, not quite, we got a baby on the way, ya know? Gotta save that coin,” Travis teased right back. “I think it’s better than a new car.” 

You raised your eyebrows, staring at him expectantly. He let it marinate in your brain for a few more moments, finally breaking when you threw your arms around his waist, pressing your baby bump to his torso, and whined his name. He beamed. 

“Alright, alright, you know that’s gonna work every time now,” he admitted, giggling. He caressed your jaw with his knuckles and you noticed the glimmer in his eyes. “Listen, I know you’re sad because I’m leavin’, but you gotta get on the road, too… because you gotta go pick up your mama from the airport.” 

You gasped, covering your mouth with both hands. 

“Really?” you whispered after a stunned pause. 

“Really,” he confirmed, nodding. 

You’d only seen your mom once since finding out you were having a baby, and Travis had noticed that your pregnancy had you feeling more homesick than usual. Especially with so many of the Chiefs better halves, who would best understand this phase of your life, having scattered for the offseason, and with Travis’s own mom and sister-in-law living halfway across the country, he felt awful that you didn’t have your mom nearby during this exciting, but unsettling, time. Knowing, too, that you always struggled being apart from him in those first few days of training camp, he had preemptively arranged for his mother-in-law to arrive in Kansas City just as he departed for St. Joseph, hoping that that would alleviate at least some of your loneliness at this delicate time when you were already feeling unusually vulnerable. 

Travis melted when you threw your arms around him again, this time desperately, not jokingly. He rubbed your back, beaming when he heard you whimper, “thank you.”

“Of course, sweetness,” he replied warmly, burying a kiss in your hair. “Anything to keep baby mama happy.”

You giggled, resting your chin on his sternum and tipping your head up to look at him. 

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at that,” you praised, fondness thick in your tone as you rested a hand against his neck. “When does she land?” 

Travis glanced at his watch. “Just over an hour,” he informed you. “So don’t rush. You got plenty of time.” A proud smile slowly stretched across his face as he added, “I got a lot of fun stuff planned for y’all this week.”

Your eyebrows lifted, your excitement building by the minute, and Travis watched your face light up with each word as he continued. 

“You guys are gonna do a spa day tomorrow, got you a suite at the Royals game the next night, then you’re gonna come see me at camp, obviously, because I wanna see Mama, too. And then you’re gonna go run around and do your registry for your baby shower, because she knows all the stuff we’re gonna need, and weeee… do not,” he admitted, laughing. 

The corners of your mouth pulled down as your face contorted, eyes welling with tears, and Travis could see that you were overwhelmed with emotion, humming a laugh as he guided the side of your head to rest against his chest. 

“And that’s why I waited to tell you – because I knew you’d cry every other hour ‘til she got here,” he told you, only half joking, as he hugged you tight.

A giggle bubbled forth from your lips. “You were right, like always,” you said, voice tight, so appreciative of how well this man knew and cared for you. “You’re so thoughtful, Trav, thank you so much.” 

“I mean it when I say literally an-y-thing for you,” he repeated, emphasizing each syllable. “I love you so much,” he said as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. And after a deep sigh, he regretfully mumbled, “And now I gotta go.” 

You pushed away from him slowly, your left hand lingering on his broad chest as he looked down at you with what had to be the saddest expression you’d ever seen him wear. He gathered your hand in his and pressed a lengthy kiss to your wedding rings, then the skin around them. 

“Go be great,” you whispered, smoothing your other hand over his stubbly cheek.

Travis’s eyes closed and he drew a deep breath, committing the feeling of your touch to his memory. With a final squeeze of your fingers, he forced himself to back away and open his driver’s side door. 

As he climbed into the seat, he pointed at you and said firmly, “You and that baby stay safe while I’m gone, alright?” 

You nodded weakly, trailing a hand from the top of your bump to the underside. “We’ll do our best, Daddy,” you promised as he shut his door, the window rolled down. 

At that, Travis’s eyes filled with tears – he had known it was only a matter of time until it would hit him, leaving you for the first time for more than a day since you’d found out you were expecting. And seeing you, hand on your belly, standing in the driveway alone as he started his car and prepared to pull away for the better part of a week… yeah, that did it. 

He blew out a controlled breath through pursed lips, putting every ounce of his will into putting the car in drive and coasting toward the front gate to leave. 

He could see your lower lip quivering even from afar, and it sent a zing of anxiety through his entire being — though he’d never enjoyed saying goodbye, he’d never once felt anxious leaving you for camp. Until today.

“I love you, Mama,” he called out the window, inching slowly toward the gate. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

You nodded. “Okay,” came out in a croak. “I love you, too.” 

“Be good,” he forced out. 

You nodded again, but didn’t trust your voice to allow you to respond with words. You simply waved one last goodbye as he did the same, forcing a signature Travis Kelce smile and wink while simultaneously trying to keep his shit together in front of you.

But as he passed through the gate and down the drive, watching you shrink into the rearview mirror and finally disappear as he turned toward the freeway, his breath caught in his throat and he broke down, tears blurring his vision as he pressed ahead down the familiar route. For a minute or two, he simply let the sobs wrack his body as he swiped at the ever-flowing tears with the back of his hand, letting out the occasional frustrated growl, usually saved for a missed ball in the end zone. As he attempted to calm himself down, he glanced at the recent calls list on his car’s hands-free device.

And, moments later, in suburban Philadelphia… 

Jason hadn’t been off Zoom for more than twenty minutes when his phone rang with a call from his kid brother. Smirking knowingly at the screen, he situated five-month-old baby Bennett in her bouncy seat and tapped the green button.

“Figured I might be hearing from ya,” Jason answered the call.

Sniffling and confused, Travis blinked a few times. 

“You did?”

Jason let out a chuckle. “Yeah, you just said goodbye to her and now you’re, what, three miles down the road to camp?” 

Travis was quiet and rubbed a heavy hand over his face. 

“Five, but… yeah,” Travis mumbled.

Jason hummed as if impressed, gazing at his oldest two daughters who he swore just yesterday could barely hold their own heads up and were now talking animatedly amongst themselves as they dressed and posed Barbie dolls in their prized pink Dreamhouse. “Well, then, you made it two miles further than I did before I called Mom my first training camp when Kylie was pregnant with Wy, so, props.”

“Really?” Travis inquired.

“Hell yeah, dude. It’s the worst fuckin’ feeling,” Jason responded, the sensation still visceral. “Leaving your wife and unborn baby to go live in a dorm with a bunch of sweaty dudes… it goes against every instinct in your body.” 

“Yeah, for real… And I used to love camp, too,” Travis sighed. “I just feel so guilty, man.” 

“I know. But you’re doing it to provide a sick ass life for her and that baby — you’re making sure they’re set for life,” Jason reminded him. “You just gotta focus on that as best you can.” 

The smallest of smiles pulled at Travis’s lips. “That what Mom said to you?”

“Of course — you think I came up with that on my own?” 

Travis giggled at that — the way only a big brother could make you do, even in the midst of misery. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Trav. I promise you,” Jason told him firmly. “You did the right thing flying her mom in; she knows who to call in the off-chance something does go wrong; and… uh… and she knows she’s got our support because she’s calling Kylie right now,” Jason finished, handing his wife’s phone to her as she approached the coffee table where she’d heard it ringing. 

“Is she really?” Travis asked, both relieved and more upset knowing that you, too, were seeking comfort from his brother’s experience with Kylie. 

Jason and Kylie shared a sympathetic glance before she answered your call, and as he walked down the hall out of her earshot to allow you both privacy, Jason replied, “Sure is. And as you know, she couldn’t have picked a more perfect person to lean on right now. This isn’t easy by any means, but we’re here for you guys. So are Mom and Dad, Brittany and Pat, so many others. Remember, this is day one — it does get easier from here.”

Travis trilled his lips as he exhaled, his body already relaxing thanks to his brother’s encouraging words. 

“As much as I hate to admit it, that’s a great point,” Travis conceded. “Thank you, bro. I appreciate you more than you know.”

“Anytime, Trav. Always in your corner. Love you, brother. I’ll check in when I’m back at camp too.”

“I’ll hold you to it. Love you, Jase. Bye.”

[angel-of-hunky-doryness]

How Disney (Unintentionally) Created The Most Sympathetic Disney Villain

Yes, we're talking about Hades. So strap in, folks, this is gonna be a long one.

It may or may not come to a surprise to some of y'all that Mr. Hot head is my favorite Disney Villain. His charm, his sass, and above all his sarcastic one-liners, what isn't there to love about this walking-talking wheeling and dealing Mephistopheles archetype with the most basic villainous ambition of taking over the world.

Okay, fine, the cosmos. But at the end of the day, Hades has a very cut and dry appearance in Disney's Hercules. He doesn't even have nearly as much screentime as other Villains as I had previously believed.

First appearing quite apropos in the shadiest corner of Olympus ready to raise hell and all manner of chicanery just to incite misery to a newborn baby, only to exit stage left to cue the villainous side-plot with a bit of prophetical verse thrown in for good measure. A plan comes into being and he orders a hit on the aforementioned baby, only for the hit to fail despite y'know being the yutz in charge of the land of the dead *cough cough*

18 years pass and suddenly Hades has to completely 180 his plans, focusing not on his intended target of Olympus but the prophecy hero he thought he already axed. And so he unleashes a horde of monsters upon the city of Thebes as a result. The Titans are freed for some reason, Olympus is easily defeated and rescued, and then so is the plot device- I mean the Titans, and Hercules gives Hades the one punch man treatment, and so Hades is left to reconsider his life choices for all of eternity swirling in the Phlegethon/abyss. Pick your poison, either work.

Alright, cool, glad I got that out of the way. Oh, hold on, my sponsor, is giving me that beady eyed stare to remind our lovely audience that Meg was also an unfortunate victim in Hades' scheme. We'll get to Meg and Hades' relationship in a future post, but to summarize, Hades' treatment of Meg is far, far harsher and has tons more animosity than Hades and Hercules- the titular character mind you- ever had.

But I digress.

Despite, Hades' antagonistic role in the film, there are many, many nuggets that Disney gives that allows the audience to sympathize with his lot in life.

In his very quick introduction- it's a Disney movie the plot has to establish quickly cuz animators have lives too. Insert obligatory pay animator's fairly line here.

We have what I like to call Exhibit Alpha: The Introduction.

Now Disney Villains are no strangers to a dramatic introduction.

I couldn't find the exact gif of Maleficent appearing, but I ended up putting the one above because it proves my point. Everything about Maleficent strikes fear in the hearts of her audience. Everyone is watching her every move because they know she's a formidable threat.

When Hades makes himself known, the Olympians aren't scared or spooked like King Stefan and the 3 fairies were when Maleficent first appeared.

They're annoyed.

To them, Hades is the weird uncle no one invited, but shows up anyway. If anything, it looks like the gods have dealt with him before and know how to put on the cold shoulder to get him to leave faster.

The only one oblivious to all this is Zeus who invites him to stay and enjoy the party. But Hades isn't an idiot. He's very aware of the chilly reception he's getting and declines with this one-liner:

Keep this line in mind, we're going to circle back to it.

Zeus then proceeds to meet Hades with a quip right back and a very punny one at that, earning the first laugh since Hades arrived, and one at Hades' expense.

A laughing fit ensues and Hades storms off in a quiet rage.

A short scene indeed, but it tells us a lot about Hades, Zeus, and the gods.

Hades is an outcast.

Boo-hoo, homeboy just needs a girlfriend. Maybe a flaming flower-picking one, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, the interchange between Zeus and Hades makes it very clear how Hades started to become excluded from his family. Hades is absent to a lot of social gatherings and most of it is because of his job. A job that deals with stiffs, the dead, the dearly departed, however you wanna slice it.

Now before you say- well he was scheming to take over the cosmos on his free time, what do we see in the very next scene?

Over 5 billion souls served. Hades is a busy guy and the movie makes it really clear that even in his spare time meeting with the Fates, the work is piling up. Maybe that's why he's a fast talker, he's always moving and grooving so he can get some time to relax.

Yeah, yeah, we saw him smite some of his people on his small world boat ride, but considering we only see one god working in the underworld, he doesn't have the time of day for them and after eons of this drudgery he's gotten quite apathetic to their pleading.

The shades are just as doomed as him really.

Now we're going to gloss over a few scenes and move to Exhibit Beta: The Thebans.

Hold the phone, Hades isn't even in this scene.

My point exactly. Hades is a bit busy amassing a horde of monsters. Hecc, none of the disgruntled Thebans even mention a monster in their list of disasters. The Monster Mash party starts after Hercules rolled into town thanks to Meg after her failed recruitment of Nessus.

So what does that tell us? Whoever causes floods, earthquakes, fires probably caused by lightning incited these disasters not Hades. Hmm, on a weird side note, I don't think Hades' brothers, the earthshaker or god of storms, fit those descriptions at all.

All these disasters were happening while the Olympians did nothing. It wasn't unheard of for the ancient greek gods to send wayward mortals to do their bidding and help people or free them from monsters, so why does Phil put it upon himself to take Hercules out for the hero life? (Yeah Disney should've included the presence of other gods working on earth to make them out to really be responsible and helpful, hell maybe have Hermes fly in congratulating Herc for completing his training and direct him towards Thebes)

It's almost like Hades is the only god who's present or aware of the woes on earth. Sure he adds to it, but are the Olympians really lounging about doing nothing in this movie?

Exhibit Gamma: Storming the Palace

....

I have no words. Zeus and Hera could've been doing paperwork?? Looking out for their son??? Have a meeting with the Pantheon and that's why they're suddenly blindsided by the Titan attack???

Hades, though sassy, though sarcastic, and just a bucketful of ruthless and malicious described the Olympians to a T.

Hecc, the Olympians had no idea the Titans were out destroying the world until they were literally on their front doorstep. If Hades had told them to destroy half of Greece, they would've done so before the Olympians noticed.

And it's so contrived, but the only reason Hades lost was b/c Hercules shows up and frees some of the gods. Like if one other god was not on Mount Olympus they could've come save the day. But every god was there. Make that a fanfic y'all. ONe where the one god who was- I don't know confined to their island or something wondering where her mother went and so she has to gather all the nymphs and natures spirits to save olympus or some drivel like that.

Hermes had to sound the trumpet like judgement day to get the gods rocking and rolling. And that's not even considering how Hades gets punched into oblivion.

Exhibit Delta: Revelation 20:14 (NIV)

The one god who did his job has been thrown in prison??? Zombie apocalypse??? Is that you??? Where's Shawn when you need him???

Confine him to the underworld, Wonder Boy. Get your Greece Lightning father to take care of business in a flash. He'd get you Meg back in an instant. Just ask nicely. We know Psyche is in attendance. Meg deserves it after all she went through.

I know it's more dramatic, but the world of Hercules is absolutely screwed. Talk about a happy ending with terrible implications for the state of the world. Meg and Hercules are going to die and be sent to an afterlife with no deity to even send them to Elysium, and that's if Hades comes back at all.

*Takes a long drink from my pina colada*

I didn't mean for this post to turn into a hate show on the Disney Olympians. I'm just, I always knew Disney messed up hard on this movie. And yes I adore the hell out of it, but making a villain more sympathetic and likable than the hero? When I started writing this I didn't think it would get this bad, but the more I looked into it?

I haven't even touched how Hades has the worst employees, having to put up with his imps? The Titans who don't even know where the tallest mountain is?

For all his manipulation with Meg, Hades did give her everything he promised her. He's a devil sure, but he's a god of his word. He couldn't even force Meg to seduce Hercules, he had to convince her with some extra added relinquish your soul type bit. Hell, he was even willing to negotiate with Hercules after hurting his dog.

To finish off, even with those nuggets sprinkled in, at the end of the day Hades is a villain through and through. Yes, he's fun, yes, every single one of his lines is an improvised banger, but that's kind of the point.

One of the directors of Hercules once described Hades as being the type of evil that's attractive. Drags you in with promises of honey until you find yourself drowning in mercury. He's Mephistopheles offering you a Faustian deal, Satan with the apple, and this author trying to advertise their terrible fanfic that delves into this very topic.

I remain ever yours, dear readers.

Till next time.

[mostautisticangel]

vent post about my shitty life and my shitty mom

so during the pandemic i discovered i was most likely adhd and autistic. since then I've just self-diagnosed. It explains a lot of things going on with me.

Most of such things are interactions with my mother. Specifically my mother. I think my dad might be autistic but i'm not sure. he's not as bad as mom but he's still a shitty parent.

So my mother is the absolute peak of Strict Republican Christian Homeschooling White Mom. Every stereotype you can think of, she has (except having like 6 kids, THANK GODDESS). And that means that I, a queer autistic creature, do not fit into her picture perfect little Good Christian Family.

Ever since I was little I was obviously neurodivergent. I was every single stereotype except the fact I was a girl. I went to public school for two years: preschool and kindergarten.

Turns out, I was """gifted""" wow! not like that phrase means anything to autistic people! So mom signed me up for this fancy hybrid private school. I went two days a week, wore the ugliest fucking uniform you've ever seen, and all the kids thought i was weird.

I don't remember much of it (thank goddess) except how much i hated it. I went there for two years. then mom found this homeschool community group thing and signed me up. I've been in it since 3rd grade. we buy the books, do the assigned work, and meet with the community once a week.

I forgot to mention my dad is in the military, so we moved a lot. a LOT. my current best friend i haven't even known for a year. i've never been friends with anyone for longer than 3 years. But military brat trauma is a separate post this is about my neurodivergence.

(I wont be naming specific states for privacy so bear with me) The first place we lived since joining this group was okay. I met some people, two of which i think were neurodivergent, the rest were typical Christian kid assholes.

I specifically remember this one girl who was my friend (well, what 9 year old me thought was a friend) who was really nice to me and seemed to like me but she always insulted my interests and called me weird.

There was this other boy, who i still know and is still an asshole. He would literally go through my backpack and take out my stuff and bully me for it. I used to take stuffed animals and my little pony fanfiction to school to show my one nice (probably neurodivergent) friend. What kind of person does that. what the fuck.

so we moved away from there and to a new place. this was at the end of 2019. we bought an rv, thinking we'd only be in this stae for 18 months, and we could travel! we could go up to canada!

i was already MASSIVLEY against the idea of the rv. when my mom made the announcement i BROKE INTO TEARS. i still remember it. i am very emotionally attached to my Things, and having lots of Things makes me happy. the thing about rv living is that you don't have Things.

I'm just now realizing this is like a trauma cocktail i have. we have queer kid trauma, autistic kid trauma, van life kid trauma, military brat trauma, going through tween years during covid trauma, christian kid trauma, living in The South trauma, you want it come get it folks.

anyways, i had to put all my shit in a storage unit and was never the same. i legit blacked out most of the time in the rv because of how fucking horrible it was. i just sat in my room on my goddamn kindle fire all day because mom wouldn't let me have a phone.

At this point in my life, i was a gacha kid. no no, don't panic, i was a normal one. i thank my lucky stars for that. so i decided, fuck it, secret youtube channel. here's the thing: we werent allowed youtube. at all. under any circumstances. still arent. technically we're not allowed any internet use besides like google or something. because everyone on the internet is a pedophile.

I also ended up getting discord. i had so much fun. i made so many friends and one of them invited me to join a queer server. this is where i got better.

being a Sheltered Homeschooled Kid, I didn't know much. i say much as opposed to anything because i watched she-ra and s1 of the owl house was out so yeah. i knew they existed. but not much.

so i learned lots of new terms and went "hey! i might be one of these!" idr my first label, I think it was pan. which was actually right. at the time i was %100 convinced i was cis. i even made jokes about it. then one day the egg cracked and i was like "oh im transmasc." i also adopted the aroace label by then.

one of my old friends from that old homeschool group reached out to me and asked if i knew about discord. she thought we would be able to play minecraft together over it. i said yes. i invited her to the server. she was really nice and respectful and found out some things about herself.

but her parents went through her phone, found out, and called my mom. cue the trauma.

i remember this so distinctly. that night, both of my parents yelled at me for """talking to strangers on the internet""" I'd lose all my devices for a month. which was insane because what else was I supposed to do? all my stuff was in the storage unit.

the next morning i got a yelling at because """gay people are bad"""" thank GODDESS they found out in that tiny window of time i identified as cis but asexual. if they thought i was trans or queer i'd be dead. (i am trans AND queer. i have no doubt that they wouldn't disown me if they knew.)

then she went through my yt channel and boy oh boy did i get lucky. she only watched a few videos. she watched the one of me making my intro. i used the song "honeypie" bc i thought it was vibey and funky. mom got mad because "you know this is a song about sex, right?" blew my little 12 year old mind. im autistic i'm so fucking bad at metaphors. so fucking bad. then she just told me to delete it. so i did.

and my main oc was supposed to be a boy but for some reason she didn't say anything? he wasn't even a femboy he was very masc looking with a masc name. so. weird. then again, my mom thought fucking Wriothesley from genshin impact was "trying to look like a girl" so who knows whats going on in that head of hers (fr tho?? WRIO?!?! HUH?? IS IT CAUSE OF THE EARRINGS??? IM SO CONFUSED LITERALLY HOW??? dont show her venti ig)

so i just gave up trying by then.

mom got much more aggressive in the rv. she yelled at us for almost every tiny little thing.

and my new class? hell. jail. hate them all. (except you caleb you were a sweetheart.) there was stereotypical racist sexist homophobic country boy who borderline sexually assaulted me so thats fun. (whats more fun is that he's coming to visit this summer! la-dee-fucking-da!!!) a weeb with concerning opinions on women, and just the most autistic fella you've ever met. that was caleb. ily caleb you were the only one keeping me sane. he liked to talk about his lizards and his goats and lord of the rings and i could listen for hours. i mightve been in love.

the teacher was nice though. she was the racist country boy's mom. i say "teacher" but she was just like the one in charge of making sure we all followed the curriculum. our own parents were our actual teachers. still, that class was a nightmare. for three years i had to endure it. AND WE WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE RV FOR 18 MONTHS. FUCKING LIARS.

anyways we moved to my grandparents so my dad could find a non-military job and we could buy a house. i joined a local volunteer program and met my current best friends, @aubreymonobry and @tboymagnus i literally love you guys so much you don't know how much you saved meeeeee <3

we had fun. i moved away again once dad got a job and we got a house. i joined a new class. same program, new people. we had: peak annoying gen z boy, most basic white girl you've ever met (affectionate) girl with highly concerning views, and guy who i am literally in love with hnggg he is so silly and goofy RAHHHH and actually nice and respectful im gonna dieeee <3

so now i'm here. im not going back to that class. im doing %100 homeschooling next semester. BUT i dont have to learn latin anymore and i wont have to read a book a week so thats good. ive been learning how to mask better and i think its working. i got all my stuff back and have cluttered up my room to the max and i actually feel happy again. sure, mom might be worse than ever and the career path i'm studying for is absolute shit and the economy is in shambles and i might get murdered for literally existing and i live on the whims of my borderline alchoholic and emotionally abusive mother BUT WE STAY SILLY! I AM OKAY!!! I WILL MAKE IT!!!! I WILL MOVE OUT AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE SOON!!!! I HAVE MY FRIENDS! AND THE SILLY LITTLE GAY PEOPLE ON MY PUTER!!!

i might revisit this post a few years later and add on to it. for now, im just a silly teenager doing things that make me happy and doing my best to survive. i think that's the best i can do

if you read this far, wow thanks, friend. :3 hope you have a good day <3

[burkymakar]

Alex Newhook Imagine: gratitude

Summary: Your dad works as an equipment manager for the Avalanche, and invites players to stay for Thanksgiving dinner. With the games bookending the holiday, a lot more Avalanche players are attending.  At first annoyed, you can’t help but connect to one player, Alex Newhook. Maybe this holiday dinner will be fun after all.

Word Count: 4.5k

Note: Female OC. Inspired by Ted Lasso’s “Carol of the Bells”. In this, you are Donny White’s college-aged daughter so have fun with that lol. This was supposed to be released before Thanksgiving not before *checks watch* New Year’s. Oops.

Donate

Alex Newhook’s original plan was to spend American Thanksgiving with his girlfriend’s family in Boston, but when they broke up before the season, he didn’t really consider a replacement plan. He had fun Cup celebrations to experience, and then the season to prepare for. 

Suddenly, it was mid-November and he was about to spend Thanksgiving alone.

That worried his mom, even though they were Canadian. Paula would wring her hands on FaceTime calls and be abuzz with maternal panic about him being all alone with nothing in the Colorado cold. She tried to get him to fly to Newfoundland but he didn’t see the point in adding a three and a half hour excursion to his jetlag, even if he did miss his folks. Especially since they had to play the Canucks the day before Thanksgiving and then fly to Nashville the day after only to fly back to Colorado. 

The people in charge of NHL scheduling should be shot.

He and Bowen Byram were doing laps at their apartment complex pool since Denver was getting a random day of heat before the cold snap coming. After pushing out of the pool, Alex lamented to his buddy about this bullshit. 

“Oh dude, just go to Whitey’s thing,” he said, shaking out his hair like a golden retriever. “Don’t you remember? He invited everybody. Just text him.” 

“Are you going?” Alex toweled off before sitting with him on the lounge chairs. 

“Yeah, probably. Kails has to study for finals back in Van, and I didn’t want to fly out so I told Donny I’d go. You should come. Val said it’s fun.” 

“Val goes?”

“Yeah, I think he’s a regular, he takes his wife when she’s in town. EJ’s going for dessert,” Bo said. “Frankie takes his family, including Kauter, and Georgie said he wanted to stop by since his girlfriend is back in Finland.” 

“Okay, yeah, I’ll text Donny,” Alex said, and hopefully his mom would be assuaged.

+

You hated making pie crust, it was such a pain in the ass. Every ingredient had to be at the exact right temperature mixed the exact right way. 

But you heard from your dad that some Avalanche players could attend your family’s big Thanksgiving event, and that meant more effort. And gluten-free pie.

Back from college, you were kind of annoyed your family holiday was going to be overrun with sweaty hockey boys. Your dad even said more players than ever were going to be there this year. 

It was a typical experience for most of your childhood. Your dad, Donny White, had been working with the Avalanche organization your entire life. You spent so many nights growing up going to games and hanging out in the locker rooms and playing street hockey with the players or their kids. 

Now in your last year of college, it no longer had the same glamor it once did. They were just some guys.

You had bigger things to worry about, like your upcoming finals. And this damn pie.

“Gluten-free pie should be illegal,” You griped to your younger brother DJ, a senior in high school. 

He snickered, “We should make the good shit anyway, I bet they’d be thrilled.” “I heard that.” Your mother called from the living room, vacuuming off dog hair from the sofa. “These guys are your father’s coworkers, be respectful. No swearing tonight.” “They swear on the ice,” DJ whined. 

“And they don’t swear at the dinner table,” she said primly. 

You shared a wary look with your brother but kept your mouth shut. After the pie was done and you had showered, dinner was still two hours out. Your dad and DJ were picking up your grandfather from his retirement home. Your other brothers Jimmy and Freddy were playing Mario Kart, and you were trying to fix your hair. It was dry but not styled, and then the doorbell started ring.

“Y/N, you gotta get it!” Jimmy called to you. 

“You get it!”

“No, you get it I’m about to kill Freddy!” 

“Shit, fine,” You huff and run downstairs. Your hair is still a mess and you’re in your towel and bath robe that’s covered in cartoon pickles (a gag gift from DJ several birthdays ago) and you swing open the door, not sure who you expect to see on the other side. 

Whoever it was, you certainly didn’t expect Alex Newhook. 

He stood there politely, his eyes only flitting down briefly to see your outfit before locking eyes with you. He wore a nice outfit, a good sweater, jacket, and a black hat that wasn’t a baseball cap. He looked very dapper and cute. “Hey, uh, is Whitey, I mean Donny, here? I’m Alex.”

Your face burned with a blush but you stayed composed enough to tighten your pickle bath robe. 

“Uh, hi,” You greeted. “I’m Y/N, and no he went to pick up his dad. My grandfather, I guess.” Sentences seemed so much harder for some reason. It didn’t help that Alex Newhook was cute as hell, but it was probably just because you felt caught off guard.

“Oh, am I early?” He looked around. 

“Yeah a bit, we weren’t expecting people until 5ish,” You said.

“Shit, sorry, Bo told me 4, not 5,” he said, grabbing for his phone. He cleared his throat. “Um, I can leave-”

“You’re already here,” You pointed out needlessly. He was already here, no need to make him drive again. “And it’s kinda cold, so come in.”

He stepped inside and looked around as he shucked off his jacket. “Nice house.”

“Thanks,” You said, even though you had nothing to do with it. “My mom’s getting ready, and Dad’s out.” You did not want him to follow you upstairs. Wait, you could pawn him off on your brothers. “Let me introduce you to everyone.” 

You walked him to the living room where they were playing Mario Kart loudly.

“Hey, pause it,” You said. They ignored you, so you turned off the console.

They immediately burst into an uproar but you were used to that.

“This is Alex Newhook,” You introduced. “Alex, these are my brothers, Jimmy and Freddy.”

“Wait, you won the Stanley Cup!” Jimmy said, sitting up a bit. He was the one most interested in hockey in your family besides your dad. “Wow, that’s so cool.” 

“Thanks, man,” Alex sat down next to him. “Your dad was really helpful with the run.”

Freddy didn’t care. “Do you like Mario Kart?” “Heck yeah.”

Since he seemed to be fine, you quickly snuck back to your room. You didn’t want to be babysitting a hockey player anyway.

+

Alex Newhook was abandoned by the cute girl wearing pickles with two pre-teens. Well, he liked kids so he wasn’t too put off. 

“Who do you drive as?” One of the brothers, he didn’t really get a chance to differentiate them, asked.

“I usually do Yoshi. When I play with my sister, she’s always Peach.”

“Y/N is always Peach too,” the smaller brother said. “I’m always Toad, and Jimmy is Luigi. DJ is always Mario ‘cause he’s the oldest.”

“Makes sense,” Alex said, committing to memory that the small one was Freddy and the taller one was Jimmy. “Can I play?”

“Sure!” They gave him a controller and got him set up.

Some time later, he’d gotten his ass thoroughly beat in Mario Kart twice before Y/N came down again. Now, she was wearing a nice sweater with black jeans. Your legs were really long and he should not be staring at the daughter of an equipment manager’s legs like this.

“Y/N, come join us!”

“I told Mom I’d help with the mashed potatoes,” You said. “But it looks like you’re having fun with Alex.”

“He’s awful,” Freddy said.

Alex laughed as you turned to him, eyebrow raised. 

“You don’t have to let them win, you know.” 

“I’m not,” he admitted, and Y/N finally smiled. It was a really pretty smile.

“Well, then you guys should let Alex win.”

“He already won the Stanley Cup,” Freddy whined. 

Alex choked on a laugh, “Fair, totally fair.” 

+

You were about to head back to the kitchen when a new voice called.

“Are you two still playing Mario Kart-” Your mom came down the stairs while putting in an earring. She paused at the foot of the stairs and noticed the four of you. “Oh, hello Alex.”

He looked unnerved but still charming. “Hello, Mrs. White.”

“Alex got told the wrong time,” You interjected before your mom asked for answers. “So I had the boys keep him company.”

“Oh, good. Well I’m sorry Alex, but I’m glad you made it!” She continued. “I’m Carol, Donny’s wife. Do you need anything, water, food?”

“I’m all set, thank you, Mrs. White.” 

“Carol is fine,” she waved a hand to dismiss his formality. “This won’t be some crazy strict dinner. I’m just a bit thrown, we’ve never had so many people from the team attend! Y/N, can you please help with the mashed potatoes?”

“Yeah, of course.” You walked over to the kitchen and went to get started.

“Can I help at all? I’m not much of a cook but I’m good at chopping.”

You went to deflect but your mom interjected, “Oh, that would be so helpful! Why don’t you help Y/N peel the potatoes.”

“Are the boys not going to help at all?” You asked.

“DJ is in charge of the green beans,” your mom said. “But J and F would just make a mess and we can’t have that.” 

You rolled your eyes but you did agree. They were still pretty young to be given kitchen responsibilities, especially since your mom was clearly nervous about all the people attending. Apparently, the Captain Landeskog and the good defenseman Cale were coming after dinner, bringing their families. So was EJ, who always snuck you candy when you were growing up, and the two Czech players.

But for the dinner, there was the new goalie, Valeri Nichushkin, the other rookie, and the new guy. You only knew Val’s name because he’s attended the past two Thanksgivings. That’s a lot of important people your dad works with, so you wanted to help.

You didn’t really like having a sous chef, and was afraid Alex would be underfoot. But he was actually really helpful. You were able to chat. He was about your age and also went to college, but had dropped out of his sophomore year, but commiserated with you about the experience and finals, and asked about you instead of just talking about himself.

“Do you think you’ll go back to school at some point?” You asked as you started on the sweet potatoes. To accommodate the healthy, they were having both mashed regular potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes which meant so much peeling and two burners for boiling the taters. 

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m really happy doing hockey right now and it needs all my focus. But I liked college. My old teammate, Jack Johnson, went back to school and graduated this year. He’s, like, ancient so I might do that later on.”

“Always good to have the option,” You agreed and let the potatoes boil so they could soften. You started mixing half and half, butter, cream cheese and garlic in a large saucepan and put it on a low simmer.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s the mix I use thicken up the mashed potatoes and make them creamy,” You rolled your head side to side to relax your neck. “Better if it’s warm.” He nodded. “Thanks for the help.”

“Of course, thanks for having me,” he smiled and it was a really cute smile. 

Thankfully, before you could dwell on it, he went back to your kid brothers, and your dad and other brother came by with your grandfather. The last half hour before the party was a fervent rush to find seating, set up the candles, make sure there was no evidence of living in this house. 

Eventually, people started showing up. First was Evan Rodrigues, his wife Christina and his kids Grayson and Noah. They were younger than your youngest brother, but they got on immediately, giggling and laughing and running around in the backyard even with the slight chill in the air. 

Christina brought some gluten free rolls and really nice bottles of wine, and Evan and your dad immediately went off to the TV to watch the game, talking about their fantasy football teams. 

Alexandar Georgiev, the new goalie, arrived soon after. He also brought wine and a really nice bottle of vodka for “if we party.” You loved him already.

Then Bowen Byram came, bringing two store bought apple pies and flowers for your mom. Your dad had mentioned he was injured, but he looked fine walking around. But you weren’t an expert.

“You told me the wrong time, idiot,” Newy lightly elbowed him and you bit back a smile.

Bowen huffed. “My finger slipped, di-uhhhhhhh dude,” his friend avoided swearing even though all young ears were outside.

“Well, Alex was really helpful,” You offered as you potted the flowers for your mom since she was busy plating the food with Christine. 

“Was he now?” Bowen raised his eyebrows at Alex, so Alex elbowed him with more heft this time. 

“We wanna play Nerf!” Jimmy ran back in with the other kids trailing on his heels. “Y/N, can we play Nerf?”

“Ask mom, go away,” You said. “I have to finish the potatoes and make whipped cream.” Also this was a really cute outfit and you didn’t want it to get ruined.

“Please!” Freddy whined. “You’ve been in the kitchen for-evvvvvvveerrrrrrrr.” Impressive how many syllables he made that word. Alex and Bowen just snorted. 

“I gotta keep cooking because you’d find a way to burn the whipped cream.”

Apparently not too heartbroken, they immediately turned to Alex and Bowen. “Please, Newy and Bo, please!” 

The two young hockey players readily agreed. “But you guys better have weapons, I left mine back in Canada,” Alex said, and they ran upstairs, a stampede of boys.

“I guess what they say about hockey players just being tall boys is true,” You mused aloud as you head back to the kitchen. 

 Christine laughed as you “Oh trust me, if you’re lucky, that’s the case,” she said. “Also, Nerfs are fun, Grayson adores them.” 

Before you could reply, the stampede came back down again, this time armed with plastic toy weapons and cackling with gleeful laughter. 

“Take those downstairs, I don’t want any darts on the first floor!” Your mom called, and you were taken back to your childhood in a very sweet way as the four of you ran around playing and laughing.

Smiling to yourself, you finished your mashed potatoes and went to get started on the whipped cream, but the doorbell rang.

You went to grab it, because a football-obsessed cheer and groan reverberated from the living room. 

“Sorry for late. I stop by Russian bakery and grab Kartoshka,” Valeri held up a box. 

“All good,” You assured. “Come on in. Everyone’s watching football.”

He nodded and followed you into the kitchen where he greeted your mom. 

“Hello,” he greeted and set the box down. “I go watch football.”

“Sounds good,” You said and got the whipped cream put together. You made it the best in your entire family.

That should be the last of the interruptions. You went to go put out some more snacks in the living room but heard raucous laughter before getting hit with a dart on your shoulder blade.

You whipped around and saw Alex and Jimmy behind you, frozen in guilt but weapons still raised. The rest of the herd of boys stormed up after, promptly 

A Nerf dart laid at your feet. 

“Sorry, Y/N,” Alex said. It looked like he meant it but he was also about to laugh, the giggles pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“Can I borrow that?” You asked Jimmy.

Since Jimmy adored you, he handed you the Nerf gun.

You stepped back a bit since you weren’t a total bitch, and shot Alex Newhook dead center. 

+

Alex Newhook admired how Y/N just immediately gave it back instead of complaining, not moving as the dart hit him and bounced off his chest. Once it hit the floor, he dramatically grabbed at his heart and staggered backwards. “Ah, I’ve been hit! Write sonnets about my bravery!” Then he collapsed on a heap to the floor. 

He heard Y/N’s voice amongst the laughter of all the boys before Mrs. White called out, “Dinner’s ready! Everyone to the dining room.”

“C’mon, drama queen,” Bowen helped him up. “We’ll write songs to you later.”

There were all these little name cards set up. There were five seats at the kid’s table, including DJ who joined the Nerf battle late. 

But Alex was sitting next to you. 

There were a lot of people, so everyone was all scrunched up. His thigh often found itself resting against yours, but you never pulled away so he didn’t either. The conversations were lively, jumping around the Denver housing market and football and TV shows. Mrs. White nixed all talk of hockey, saying it was a holiday and therefore a vacation. But the conversation never dwindled. 

Val was on Y/N’s other side, and he watched as you made a concerted effort to include him and speak slowly enough he could understand. He joined those conversations when he could, but also talked to Erod about the culture shock of moving to Denver and going from college hockey to NHL hockey.

The food was delicious, but he made sure to not eat so much with the game the next day. But he did have some of the apple pie (it’s a FRUIT) with your whipped cream. Holy hell it was good.

Bo and Val didn’t have the worry of playing tomorrow, the injured bastards, and they had two servings of dessert. Once they were full-contact, he was going to hit them into the boards during their practices.

The kids table seemed like they were having fun. Once the food coma took over, all the kids piled into the living room as the others arrived. 

Gabe Landeskog gave Y/N a big hug, and you got to hug Luke and pinch his cheeks as Linnea practically climbed up his own leg. He had no idea how you knew everybody. 

EJ arrived a bit later, carrying three bottles of Screaming Eagle. Like the captain, he gave you a hug and joked about your height. Cale came by with his girlfriend shortly after. He loved talking to her, she was always kind. Cale was quiet and respectful, but he and Donny got into an in-depth discussion on which quarterback they should start for fantasy.

Frankie ended up texting they weren’t going to make it but he sends his best. 

The conversations continued and split and converged. More dessert was eaten. Some of the kids curled up in the guest bedroom to nap. Georgiev and Val spoke in Russian, but joined the others as well. Carol, Gabe, and DJ spoke about the latest episode of White Lotus. Mel, EJ, Christine, and Bo talked about the price differences of wine. 

You and Alex spoke mostly about crazy college courses you took, and weird essay topics you had to write. Cale jumped in at that point, discussing his own essays. 

It was fun to be involved in the convos, even though the topics seemed kind of distant. They spoke of dating and moving and trades, and the housing market (again?!). He was single and in the same apartment complex the team had provided for him. 

Just when Alex thought he should maybe get going and not overstay his welcome, you turned to him. “C’mon, we’ll go to the kids table and go to our next tradition.”

“What’s that?” He asked, the two of you breaking off from the conversation. 

“We play hide and seek,” You said. “It’s cutthroat. You may not survive.”

He grinned, sated and full but always down to compete. “Sounds fun.” He turned to Bo. “Wanna play?”

“Hell yeah.” 

Alex, Y/N, Bo, and DJ snuck off to see the kids watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. “C’mon, kiddos,” Y/N muted the show. “We’re gonna play Hide and Seek. Wanna play?”

The kids perked up. Linnea and Luke were already asleep, as was Noah, but Grayson was ready to play even though he was younger than 5.  

Y/N knelt down to their seated level. “Okay, we got some rules though. You all willing to play by the rules?” The kids nodded ever so seriously. Alex couldn’t help but grin. 

“You guys playing Hide and Seek again?” EJ came by. “I wanna play.”

“You don’t play by the rules,” Y/N said. 

EJ wrapped you in a bear hug and a weird, sudden stab of jealousy sliced at Alex that he immediately pushed down. That came out of nowhere. Besides, you were, like, ten years younger than the big defenseman.

“I’ll behave I swear.” 

“Doubt it,” Alex and Bo muttered at the same time before they all shared a laugh.

“Here are the rules,” Y/N began, your voice commanding but kind for all the kids. “You can hide anywhere in the house except a bedroom. If a room has a bed in it, you can’t hide there. No locking doors, you hide fair and square. No moving spots once the five minutes has passed. The seeker has to wait five minutes before taking off to find people. Once you’re found by the seeker, you join them in the search. If you’re found last or not found within an hour, you win and the winner gets ice cream.”

“Who’s the seeker?” Bo asked.

“EJ should do it, he’s the oldest,” DJ said. 

“Works for me, I’m too tall to fit where you kiddos can,” EJ said. 

“And you broke our cabinet last year,” Y/N added. Alex laughed in shock.

“Accidentally,” he clarified then paused. “Hey wait, as the seeker don’t I get ice cream?” “You can get ice cream,” You placated.

“We probably don’t need it,” Alex said. “Game tomorrow, bud.” 

EJ groaned. “Ugh fair, I’m taking mine to go.” He pulled out his phone and set up a five minute timer. “And... go!” 

And everyone took off. 

+

You booked it down to the basement, the smartest place to hide. You couldn’t hide in the guest bedroom as per rules, but you could hide in the large steam shower in the bathroom. With the lights off, you’d be nothing more than a shadow. And maybe people would dismiss it as being close to the bedroom. Most people went for cabinets and closets. Jimmy usually hid in the DVD and board game closet on the first floor. But you tried to change it up. Last year, you hid under a stack of blankets in the laundry room and were only found because your Duolingo notification happened when your dad was the seeker. 

To make sure you’d stay in the dark, you quickly undid the three light bulbs and hid them in the 

You put your phone on it’s darkest brightness and sat with your back against the wall with the door on it so you wouldn’t be seen. You knew from course reading that people looked for eyes in the darkness so you used that to your advantage. 

Just as you felt settled you found the perfect spot and that EJ would be too stupid to find you as the minutes counted down, the door burst open before shutting quickly. You closed your phone, and tried to quiet your breathing.

The lightswitch flicked on and off uselessly and the sauna door opened. 

Alex Newhook peeked his head in and went to make a sound. Acting on pure instinct, you slapped your hand over his mouth and pulled him into the steam shower. 

“Hi,” he said once you removed your hand. His smile was lazy and good-natured. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Hide and Seek is serious,” You said, slightly sheepish. “You’ll have to hide with me, we’re almost out of time.”

“Works with me.” He sat across from you. There was less than three feet between you so the whisper carried. “Smart move to take out the bulbs, you’re ruthless.”

You smiled at him then realized he probably couldn’t see you. “Thanks.”

His low chuckle was bright in the darkness. 

“Do you think EJ is gonna cheat?” You found yourself asking.

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Alex acknowledged. “He’s a competitive bastard. We all are.” 

“Probably best in your line of work,” You acknowledged back. In the distance, there was maniacal laughter and one of your brothers shouting “NO!” dejectedly. You went quiet, and so did Alex.

Once the noise quieted down, you pulled out your phone with the brightness still low and checked Instagram. Your college roommate sent you a ridiculous AITA post so you chuckled as you read it.

“What’s so funny?” 

“An ‘Am I The Asshole’ about this 100,000 dollar wedding dress getting destroyed for a TikTok.”

His laugh was shocked and quick. “Holy shit, can I see?”

You nodded and he moved over to sit next to you on the bench. He read over your shoulder, and you watched his reaction in the faint glow of your phone screen. 

He turned to you, “That was funny-” and then cut off as your faces bumped into each other. 

“It was,” You whispered, not just because of the game. 

Not exactly sure who made the first move, you both leaned forward and met in the middle. The kiss was sudden but deep and you quickly clutched onto his sweater as his hand cupped your jaw. His hand was big, sturdy and warm as it gently held you to him.

Your fingers tightened on his sweater and he pulled you closer. Without thinking, you climbed onto his lap and his other hand moved to your hip as a low groan rumbled from his throat.

The door to the steam shower slammed open, and you and Alex pulled apart.

Erik Johnson stared at the two of you as you froze in fear, and then he snorted. “Oh boy, you’re dead, Al.” His laugh followed him out of the room, shutting the door to the bathroom behind him.

“Well, we were found.” Alex pointed out slowly. “So I guess we lost. Which may not be the only thing I lose tonight if he’s right.” 

You tried not to laugh. EJ maybe had a point. Your dad could kill him for making out with his daughter at their Thanksgiving party, but he wasn’t one of those shotgun dads. He knew you were an adult, a woman with bodily autonomy. 

“I wasn’t that interested in playing the game anymore,” You said.

“Me neither,” he said and kissed you again.

Note: thank you for reading! masterlist here!

[ghenry]

Was recently replaying some of the No More Heroes games on Switch, and remembered the hype leading up to No More Heroes III. Do you remember any speculation or theories about the game leading up to it's release? I remember the big one was a leaked screenshot from one of the visual novel segments showing what seemed to be Young Harman Smith.

WARNING: This post contains spoilers for No More Heroes 3 as well as Flower, Sun, and Rain.

I remember that! I don't blame folks for thinking that.

I recall thinking it might be Aramata from Moonlight Syndrome, not that it would make much sense if it was.

Anyway, I recall a few other theories. A lot of people--including myself--were expecting appearances by the likes of Kusabi or Kuroyanagi. This speculation came from the end of the first NMH3 trailer from E3 2019 when Sylvia was calling out codenames at the end.

"The Tiger has awakened . . . red, green, dark, black, blood."

In The 25th Ward remake, as well as a few other stories Suda has written recently, many characters were given color codenames to represent them. Midori Midorikawa, a boss in NMH3, went by Green. Kuroyanagi goes by Black, etc. Of course, perhaps people--including myself-- just jumped the gun because now this can basically be a way of describing the alien goons and the multi-colored blood they tend to spill out.

A lot of us were also giving credence to Travis Strikes Again and how so many characters appeared in the visual novel segments, thinking everything was going to merge even more-so in NMH3. Although, Suda has said that he originally was going to have more connections, before they got cut.

I like to think is mostly because Suda can't retain rights to NMH so he'd probably rather wait for an IP he actually owns to encompass what he's established before. Either way, not a lot of this world-merging stuff really makes sense, so these days I'll take it or leave it. Suda has also stated he considers TSA a 'commemorative' title to Grasshopper, hence having so many characters invited to make cameos and such.

Here's one possible example of a removed cameo, the fine folks at believeinthe.net data-mined NMH3 and found a lot of unused emails. Here's one of them;

People that played Flower, Sun, and Rain can think of one particular talking alligator!

Screenshot from AdrianVG's dual-playthrough of FSR

I recall another theory, while not directly related to games outside of NMH, that Travis was going to essentially make amends with past villains like Destroyman and Kimmy in order to form his own team to take on Fu and his cronies. And not only that, but every new friend he'd make would utilize the NMH motel as their home base. This came from early previews showing Bad Girl and Shinobu had their own rooms there as well.

We thought this because one of the taglines from an earlier trailer;

From the first NMH3 Nintendo Direct Trailer, October 2020

"The Hood" as in people from Santa Destroy. Travis' hood. Didn't really happen, as Travis primarily fought everyone by himself. There was no real team-up until the near-end of the game.

I just remembered one last theory, that Tokio Morishima was in the game. This came from the very first piece of gameplay we saw all the way back in 2019.

From the NMH3 trailer first shown at The Game Awards 2019

I understand why people thought this, the spiky hair did remind me of Tokio.

Of course, what people didn't know at the time was that it was Henry, who was redesigned by Takashi Miyamoto, lead artist for The Silver Case and The 25th Ward.

At the very least, we did get to see previously established characters appear in NMH3, such as Midori Midorikawa, who Suda first wrote about back in 2018. Although the first time she was visually depicted was in the manga adapting that original story he wrote about 3 years later, but several months before No More Heroes 3 released.

And Kamui! At least a version of him, that whole thing is kind of finnicky. Also Notorious, from the Fire Pro Wrestling World DLC on PS4/PC.

These were the only theories I could recall myself. There could be more, but these were the ones I was most privy to. Thanks for your question!

[cru5h-cascades]

The Nonsensical Ramblings of a Teenage... Victim? (Murder Trilogy Story Theory Post)

Welp, I guess now that I've been listening to a lot of the Killers' music (especially songs from their 1st album, Hot Fuss), I might as well talk about the Murder Trilogy. Now, despite the fact that the Murder Trilogy mainly consists of 3 songs (Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf, Midnight Show, and Jenny Was A Friend of Mine), I've seen lots of other people tie in the rest of Hot Fuss into the story & I kinda think I can work every song in Hot Fuss (and Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf) into the story, so anyways, here we go.

Andy You're a Star: the intro to this story, introducing our protagonist & the story that has yet to unfold. The protagonist appears to be well respected among those living in his town & is a football player, possibly in his senior year of high school considering the events of this story.

Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll: We get another peek into the life of our protagonist, Andy, who has a side gig as a tamborine player in an indie rock band. It appears this is also where we first find out about Jenny, the drummer of the band. It appears that their relationship isn't the best considering how much they "make up & break up", yet they still stay together (not the smartest decision, especially considering the rest of the story).

On Top: A peek into Andy & Jenny's relationship. That's all I'm gonna say here folks.

Somebody Told Me: The events of this song possibly happens some time after Andy's high school years (so he's basically in his early 20s or something) considering that it's implied that this takes place in a club of sorts. Andy catches Jenny cheating on him with another dude one night and is pissed off about it. Soon enough, Andy attempts to confront Jenny about the cheating, but she walks away from Andy to be with the other guy she was with.

Mr. Brightside: After being left in the dust by Jenny for the night, Andy does some stalking & finds Jenny making out with the guy she was with. While watching them, Andy attempts to calm himself down (hence why he calls himself "Mr. Brightside", which is what others view Andy as; the guy who has it all).

Change Your Mind: After the night at the club, Andy invites Jenny to his place in attempt to fix their relationship, but it doesn't work.

Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf: Some time after the events of the previous song, Andy moves away from his old home and recalls the events of Change Your Mind in a drunken stupor, which leads us to...

Everything Will Be Alright: Still drunk from the last song, Andy goes out and searches for Jenny, leading up to the events of the next song...

Midnight Show (aka my fave song from the Killers): Andy kidnaps Jenny in a drunken rage & then ultimately kills her.

Believe Me Natalie: The day after the murder, Andy realizes what he has done and ultimately feels guilty about killing his ex. He then decides to spend some time with one of his bandmates, the tititular Natalie, and tells her about what happened to Jenny & aknowledges the fact that the cops might be coming after him soon.

Jenny Was a Friend of Mine: The cops finally come after Andy and take him in for questioning. In attempt to keep a clean record, Andy tries to establish an aliby, but it's no use.

All These Things That I've Done: Some time after the interogation, Andy knows that there's no way he'll be able to get out of this. He deeply regrets what he's done, but in the end, justice is going to be served. Jenny will be at peace since the police caught her overly controlling ex.

Smile Like You Mean It: The ending of our story. In Andy's final days of freedom, he reflects on his life. He thinks about his ex bandmates and how they'll carry on life without him. And most importaintly, Andy remembers the good times he had with Jenny. And thus ends the story of Hot Fuss.

TL;DR: Hot Fuss is about an abusive bf who had it all, only to lose everything after killing his gf.

[winniethewife]

It's time that you won.

(Llewyn Davis x OC!Rose Thorne)

Chapter 6: Whether I'm easy, or whether I'm true

Last Chapter ~ Next Chapter

Words:1124

As the year goes by, things seem to fall into place, the summer days pass by, the album releases and it does quite well. Llewyn finds it ironic how quickly the opinions of so called friends change when suddenly he’s doing well. How suddenly Jim and Jean were reaching out to hang out, How Pappy was suddlenly begging them to come play the gaslight, suddenly everyone was flocking, and for the first time, He could care less. What he did care about, was Rose. It was early and the days were getting colder, the nights longer, He swore she got more beautiful with every passing day, and he knew he loved her more with every passing day.

Llewyn watches Rose as she look over the selves at the bookstore, she already had a collection of poetry under her arm as she looks. Her fingers glide across the spines of the books as she sees what she might want. Llewyn puts his hand on her lower back, Love in his eyes as she turns to look at him.

“Getting bored Darling?” She asks with a smile on her face.

“No, No…Okay maybe a little bit.” He chuckles. She smiles and leans in to kiss his cheek.

“Let’s get going, it’s almost lunch time anyway.” She walks over to the register and pays for her book before they leave. He wraps his arm around her as they walked along the sidewalk, keeping her close to him. He leans in to kiss her temple.

“Love you Sunshine.” Llewyn whispers in her ear.

“And I love you Beloved.” She whispers back.

~

They had been invited to a party, Llewyn was Hesitant about it but Rose kept reminding him that this is how they make it in the business, connections. Llewyn looks at himself in the mirror, He was rather dressed up for the occasion, Rose had insisted on getting him dress clothes earlier in the year, the suit jacket and slack paired with a dark blue button up, he half smiles at himself in the mirror. He felt like things might actually be going right for once. Just as he was about to go look for Rose she came in the bedroom, freshly made up her hair down, the of the shoulder blue dress hung just above her knees as she walks over to her vanity, Opening her Jewelry box and grabbing her favorite earrings. She was singing softly to herself as she was focused on the task at hand.

“And what's that to any man, whether or no. Whether I'm easy, or whether I'm true, as I lifted her petticoat, easy and slow, and I tied up my sleeve for to buckle her shoe” She sang softly as she looks in the mirror. Llewyn came up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist.

“You look fantastic...” He says as he buried his face in her neck, taking in the smell of the perfume she was wearing.

“Thank you darling. You look dashing as well. I told you dress clothes would come in handy.” She takes her necklace out of the Jewelry box and without a word Llewyn takes it and moving her hair gently He clasps it around her neck, leaving a kiss on her skin as he runs his hands along her shoulders and down her arms.

“Ready to go?” He asks, his voice soft and low as he admires her beauty.

“Yes, we should probably get going don’t want to be late.” She smiles and turns to him, her hand reaching up to his face, holding it gently for a moment. He presses into her hand. These moments of domestic bliss are something he never expected to get in this life time. They smile at each other.

“You get your purse, I’ll go hail us a cab.” Llewyn says as he starts for the door, a warm feeling in his heart.

At the party there are a lot of unfamiliar faces, these kinds of soirees hosted by record companies for the investors to rub elbows with the talent. Terribly boring but a necessary evil. Rose had spent a lot of time talking to everyone while Llewyn had stood by her side, giving her hand reassuring squeezes as the night goes on. Watching as she talks about the music and where she gets inspiration, about the folk songs she learned from her mother. All the while, Llewyn stands by her. Eventually they finally have a moment alone. They sit in a corner on a loveseat in a corner. Rose sighs and lets the mask of the professional fade as she leans back into the upholstery. She looks over at Him a tired look on her face. Llewyn’s eye brows rise and he uses his hands to mimic the action of smoking, a silent question. Rose nods with a smile.

Llewyn pulls out a pack of clove cigarettes, He keeps a pack for Rose because it’s what she smokes, when she smokes, which isn’t as often as he does. She took one with a smile and they stop for a moment. Rose places the cigarette between her lips, Llewyn scoots closer and takes her chin in his hand and holds his lighter to the cigarette lighting it for her, a seductive smile on his face as his dark eyes meet hers. She takes a drag, pulling the smoke into her lungs before blowing it into his face in a flirtatious manner. Llewyn chuckles and kissed her cheek, still holding her chin. The smell of cloves on her breath and the sweet feeling of her soft skin under hers was intoxicating, he drew away for a moment as she took another drag. She smiles at him, god that smile, it was better than any drug on the planet, Llewyn would do anything to get his fix of her. He presses his lips to hers, taking the smoke from her mouth into his as they kiss in the darkened room. He pulls away and exhales as he looks at her deviously.

“You...You are nothing but trouble.” Rose says with a laugh before flicking the ash from the cigarette.

“But you like that about me.” He insists as he leans back into the loveseat, pulling a cigarette for himself out, the scent of the tobacco mixing with the clove as he takes a drag. They share the peaceful moment together before it’s inevitably interrupted by another well to do person with too much time and money on their hands.

“Do you think you’ll ever tire of this? The fame? The success?” Someone asks Rose. She looks over at Llewyn.

“I don’t know, I think as long as I am in good company, I’d be happy doing anything.”

~

Masterlist

[cassolotl]

Testosterone, Day 1,544

That’s 4.2 years, somehow?? 1.5 pumps of Tostran per day, which is 15mg testosterone, a pretty low dosage - I’m typically just under the masculine range and way above the feminine range.

I have two events to report today!

Event the first

This evening I was just bumbling around on the internet and poking my own chin in a kind of stimmy way, and found a weird sensation like something was stuck to my face, couldn’t work out what it was, went to look in the mirror but couldn’t see anything, all very odd. After a second or two of trying to grab it to remove it, I realised that it was just... a hair. :D Growing out of my face! So there you have it, folks - low dose T, does eventually cause at least one proper beard hair on the chin, like a little palm tree all alone on a desert island.

Event the second

I interviewed some candidates to be PAs (the disability kind, not the office kind) recently. In the job description I put that I’m nonbinary, and I also say in a sort of “desirable characteristics” bullet point list that candidates would ideally be familiar with LGBTQ+ issues, and use of gender-neutral pronouns in particular.

The first woman I interviewed was extremely oblivious. I introduced myself as being nonbinary and autistic and ADHD and having EDS, and asked if she wanted clarification of any of the terms, and she conspicuously didn’t ask more about the nonbinary part. The first question was “what are your pronouns?” and she was very confused, so we clarified like “some people want to be called ‘he’, some people want to be called ‘she’, some people (like me) are ‘they’...” and she said, “oh, I see! Miss!” And I had to say, “no, that’s your title, we mean pronouns, like he, she or they?”

So that was a good start??? And then later on there’s a question to test whether people can fluently use gender-neutral pronouns, which trips a lot of people up. It goes, “talk to us about a nonbinary person you know who prefers they/them pronouns.” (If they don’t know any, we invite them to talk about a nonbinary celebrity, or make someone up.) It’s not to find out your attitude to nonbinary people, it’s literally just to check if you can get my pronouns right. This woman entirely failed to refer to any nonbinary people, and told us about how she’s very accepting of diversity and has worked with a lot of gay designers. :D Amazing.

Anyway this was just some of the weird stuff from the interview, she also compared herself to Gandhi and Nelson Mandela, it was a time. But the whole point of me telling you this story is, she talked to my PA instead of me for a lot of the interview (also got a very low grade in that regard) and every time she referred to me in the third person she called me “he/him”. This is the latest of several incidences of people guessing that I’m a “he”, which is very novel compared to the first 35 years of my life.

(The good news is, the other two candidates I interviewed automatically aced that pronoun question - one was a they/them nonbinary person, and one was a she/they person.)

In summary

My flavour of being nonbinary is, I don’t want people to think I’m a man or a woman. I want to be gender teflon. But because society is a bit clueless, the best I can hope for much of the time is for people to guess “man” and “woman” about half of the time each.

I’d say this is pretty much the case right now, and has been for maybe about a year? When people gender me it is a little bit uncomfortable, but as soon as someone genders me in the other direction I feel better again. Like, oh thank goodness, I’ve not accidentally gone Full Dude. Or, phew, maybe testosterone does work after all. :D

My voice has finished doing whatever it’s going to do, and speech and language therapy has helped a lot. My face is a bit fuzzy, I’d guess I have to shave it maybe every 2-4 weeks? (My facial hair is very fair so far, I am not blessed with abundant melanin in general so it makes sense.) My body fat distribution is more on the masc side, I’ve put on 2 kg since I started and it has stopped increasing now, and it’s mostly on my belly, which I much prefer to the more feminine shape.

It’s very funny seeing how relative strangers interpret me and Avery as a duo. My lovely accepting nextdoor neighbour seems to think me and Avery are a straight couple, because he refers to me in feminine ways and then makes friendly jokes with Avery about being a bloke in a straight relationship, and at the same time he is definitely aware that something super queer is going on, so that’s a mystery, but it’s too hard to explain it to him and I don’t really mind ‘cos he clearly means well and is very sweet, so that’s fine!

In other news

I’m probably going to have a metoidioplasty surgery (bottom surgery) sometime in the next few months on the NHS?? Scary! But the outcome I want is relatively simple, not that much of a change, and will require only one surgery. I’m also due to have another chest revision surgery sometime soonish, because one side is still a little bit uneven, and it was going to happen years ago but then it had to be put on hold due to lack of support. Everything is back on now, and surgeries are once again like buses...!

In “blimey”

I worked out I was nonbinary when I was 24, so that’d be like 12 years ago, WHAAAAAAAAAT

[kitsunebattleboxer]

This is such a random vent, but I’m going to anyways. So I was thinking about a time in high school where a friend invited a group of us over to hang out. And their parent gave us like $40 to get food. Which was…. Not enough money, but it was very kind and generous of the parent so none of us wanted to complain, but we were are all sort of still hungry after. And I remember my friend being anxious about how much food we could order so they didn’t spend too much. But the thing is, this family is upper middle class, pretty well off. And I think the parent genuinely thought that that was going to be enough to feed all of us (like 4 kids).

Sure, we could’ve ordered something super cheap, but at that point at least two of us are lactose intolerant, and one of us is gluten-free. It’s hard to get food that accommodates everyone even when no one has dietary restrictions.

So I ask, you wonder why the kids are so fucked up today? Our environment is literally killing us (highly bastardized wheat grains anyone?) and we all have fucked up health issues, on top of that no one can afford to eat. You want to eat something healthy? that’s half your paycheck. Things are so drastically different from how they used to be 15, 20, 30 years ago. And I think a lot of older folks can’t even comprehend this.

Things have always been bad for every generation at some point. That is true. And it is a generalization to say people don’t understand the plight that gen z and millennials are going through now. But what the absolute fuck? I am a full time student, working a job, not paying rent. And I still have no money to do anything “fun”. Why? Because I am saving every penny due to an ingrained financial fear of not being able to afford health care. To not be able to afford someplace to live. I had to give my mom 200 dollars to pay for groceries yesterday, because her savings were out. I know she will pay me back, of that I have no worry. Hell I don’t even mind if she took it outright.

United States of America? No. United States of Fuck You, work forever and die penniless. 

[ledenews]

Santorine: 'Everyone’s a Winner'

In just two days, we are going to receive some election results, both for the primary, and for our local elections. The media barrage will abruptly stop. Television and radio stations will stave off financial ruin for another two-year cycle, and the post office will not have a ridiculous number of “super jumbo” post cards to deliver. The folks who designed and printed those cards are thankful for the work; so are the paper mills who made the paper, and the printshop who printed them. I know postal service employees appreciate the overtime. Political candidates will have met the account manager for the billboard company, representatives from the broadcast stations, and editors and others from our local newspapers. The people who chose to run for political office will have met a lot of nice, like-minded people, they will have knocked on a lot of doors,  and be politely or otherwise told to “GET OFF MY PORCH!” They will huddle with family on Tuesday night when the results come in, the excitement building, and then elation or disappointment, but everyone involved in this process is a winner. Everyone. If you were seeking public office and you had a primary, you find out if the people think you ought to come back for another round in November. If this is THE election, you find out if you won. But you did already because you stood up. You did the right things. You grew thicker skin. You were a part of the economic engine for the valley in a very direct way. Win or lose at the ballot box, you won. You won because you know more people. You won because the more you speak in public, the better you speak in public. You won because you were part of the elective process that creates our government. What’s remarkable to me is the number of people who will come back for another “bite at the apple,” either because they didn’t prevail or because they want to seek higher office. Yes, it gets the endorphins going, but it’s also at least partially driven by service. We should all thank every one of the candidates for putting themselves out there. Each and every candidate took time from their families, from their hobbies, and from their work to run for political office. Without them, the process of our brand of democracy does not work. Invariably, there will be some troll, some “know it all” hiding behind a keyboard who will make insulting claims about the candidates who didn’t win at the ballot box. Those negative trolls wouldn’t have a thing to talk about if someone else didn’t step up, take a stand and run for office. Once again, the troll demonstrated they just don’t get it, and that they are still likely some kind of weirdo anyway. Remember candidates, without you, they have nothing. It’s amazing how contagious winning can be. When you see one or more of the candidates this Wednesday, thank them. I’m certain that they will be thanking you. If they won their election, congratulate them, and congratulate their family for supporting them through this process. Recognize that running for office made them just a little bit better than they were before. So, how about you the next time? Are you going to step up? There’s another election cycle in a couple of years. Are you and yours ready? Yes, it’s going to take time, sweat and money. Just like the carnival midway hawker inviting you to “STEP RIGHT UP!,” your contribution to service is open to you. There’s one thing for certain - everyone’s a winner.  Read the full article

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

I need to wake up in like. 7 hours. but.

I did something important!!

I applied to a job at midnight today/this morning (*checks* yep, still today), because was still awake.

It's not a job we're actually directly qualified for. It's technically social work. Usually that requires a bachelor's degree, which we do not have. They also say 2+ years experience preferred.

But. they also say ‘but if you're close to qualified and you're BIPOC, LGBT+, or disabled, apply anyway. Quote, “consider your contributions to the community” as relevant experience.

So I applied anyway, and I wrote a cover letter explaining how fast food experience and Gendered Scouts and College Access Coach stuff was relevant and transferable. I was nice to myself in the cover letter, and I didn't minimize my abilities. And I got to be passionate, and even to include that I'm LGBT+ and disabled, and I said it's “encouraging” that they are not just inclusive, but inviting people like me to apply. I put a whole half an hour of work into it, didn't start with A.I. (I sometimes use it to give me a leaping off point/ideas rather than to write *for* me), just...let myself ramble a bit and share why I think I'm technically qualified.

At 3pm today, they called me back. I missed the first call because I was in the shower, but I immediately called back and left a (way more articulate than usual) voicemail that I was in the shower before bit was now waiting for a call back. They called about ten minutes later, asked if I had about half an hour to spend on a phone interview, I said yes.

did the interview. tried my best to not downplay my knowledge and skills. made what experience I could relevant. they even liked that I used an analogy to display that I understand the difference between equality and equity, which I was worried would come across as juvenile.

¡they liked me enough to want to schedule a second interview, which is now set for Tuesday at 9a (PST)! (/excited)

I thought there was no way I'd get the job because I'm just....so underqualified on paper, but the thing they really want and care about/are looking for is someone who understands equity, values diversity, and will take an open-minded, empathetic, and sensitive approach when engaging with underprivileged communities. I can do that. I enjoy that. I was able to show that I can do it, with semi eloquence.

& then afterwards they emailed me a calendar invite for the interview, along with (attached) all of the interview questions I have to worry about. I'll have three full days ahead of time to prepare. I'm good at preparing.

It's half office job, half driving people to important appointments & whatnot. It has a set schedule M-F, same hour block every day, reliable & predictable, and mostly sitting down. It inherently accommodates our physical disabilities.

and they actually like and appreciate that we're a little mentally disabled because it gives us an insight into working with fellow disabled folks. they actually wanted us more because we're disabled.

The job posting had a lot of green flags. But I was not expecting a phone interview 15 hours after applying, let alone a second interview because they liked me enough to send me to the fucken project manager (the important hiring person)??

Not only is their turnaround time fantastic, I am excited/surprised that I made it this far?? and I'm actually looking forward to the interview because they gave me all the questions, exactly written out as they'll be asked, 3 whole days ahead of time. I can prepare. ¡I can prepare! ¡I won't have to make up an answer in two minutes (and stumble like a fool when I know I'm competent & qualified)!

I also finally got the accommodation approval from my current corporation, so my GM who said there was “just no way” they could accommodate me was wrong and I'm happy about that. of course she'll be mad (she actually needs accommodations but wouldn't ask, it's basically ¿jealousy/envy I think?) but that's fine. it makes this job survivable in the short term, until I get hired at the better place.

Oh & it's a $4/hr raise from where I'm at. They pay biweekly, but ¡it's technically salaried too! I'd be making almost double what I make in fast food, and actually doing what I wanna do (helping people!!) and I just.

it'll probably suffice to say that I (a generally quiet, stressy depressy, Guard Dog, masc-ish vibe (in person)) squealed and giggled and danced around in a circle after the phone interview ended and I could celebrate that I made it this far.

not only did I apply when I wasn't sure I was qualified¹, I wrote a cover letter boldly saying I was in fact qualified, and I successfully did a very Mature Adult™, semi composed interview, and I did so well that I got to progress to the next step!!

I would never have done this just a couple of months ago. It's amazing to finally be here, breathing and thriving in the knowledge that I did a scary thing and it paid off (maybe even literally because I told them I want to be hired ASAP and I didn't mention I have a job right now because I kind of don't, haven't had a paycheck since March 29th²).

I can do hard things. ¡I can do hard things! ¡and the scary hard things can actually succeed! ¡scary things can lead to joy and relief!! 😭💜💖

(¹ as our (queer) best friend M said, “apply anyway. have the audacity of a mediocre cishet white man”)

(² because corporate stuck me on Unpaid Leave until they decided I was, in fact, Disabled Enough™ and Reasonable Enough™ to be accommodated)

~Nico

[erscogadatabase]

17: A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas the Third (Part 1)

Date: 6-12-2022 IDST

(It is May. Nalitie is setting up decorations in the Spectre Opera House and Concert Hall in Erscoga's national colors—green and black and gray—like she does every year, except she's horribly late this year. Christine is taking the leftover cake she made back in December out of the freezer. There's about half of it left. She has Erscoga Tobias in a carrier, and he coos happily. It is Christmas.)

Dukermin: *rolls up* I have arrived! And I brought the Christmas tree!

Mickey Mouse: *rolls up also, decked out in christmas lights with a star taped to his head* *stands in a corner*

Nalitie: Nice, that takes care of the low budget tree I guess. That's what we get for skipping a whole year's worth of saving money to host an anachronistic Christmas party in May, pretending it's only a few months since our last one instead of the whole year because we're bad at time consistency and don't want the kids to grow up too fast.

Dukermin: Exactly. This is entirely sensible.

Nalitie: And we can still be on-brand for the season/tradition of having a Christmas party each year! Sorta. *sets out some like stale pretzels and questionable chip dip*

Dukermin: *puts presents at Mickey's feet*

Nalitie: oh yeah. *does the same, except they're all wrapped in like printer paper* I think that's everything, right? Food, decorations...

Dukermin: Yeah. We sent out invitations right?

Nalitie: I think so! I gave them to Papyrus to send by pigeon and he's usually on top of that stuff. *walks over to the doors and flings them open wide* Welcome to our Christmas Party!!!

(There is a singular guy standing outside on the street, dressed in a ratty old sweater and a hat. It's Homeless Henry.)

Homeless Henry: This where the bean convention's at?

Dukermin: I mean. It could be. There are probably beans somewhere. *leaves to look for beans*

Homeless Henry: *did not realize Dukermin was there at first* Well, bean convention or not, I'm sure whatever you've got going on is great, miss.

Dukermin: Wait a second *is holding an ancient can of beans that she found in a supply closet* Didn't you... like... melt?

Homeless Henry: I did indeed, miss, thanks to your kindness, but I was reconstructed by this kindly lady who stopped by the restaurant. Don't think she's from around here, though, lots of strange folks around town these days. Haven't seen her since.

Dukermin: That seems like a felony. Nat? Did you hear that? I don't think reconstruction magic is clarified in the power cap. Whatever that means.

Nalitie: Hm, yeah, I guess it would depend on how she did it. I guess since no one came to the party we could go investigate. Christine and Steven and Willy could watch the party and the kids. *unstraps Lisanarda and hands them to Willy Wonka*

Dukermin: I mean, Homeless Henry came to the party. *To Homeless Henry* Here's a can of beans! Have fun! Where did you meet this lady again? And what did she look like?

Homeless Henry: Well, she stopped by the mot- I mean the restaurant asking if we had any vegetarian tacos, and noticed no one was at the desk. Or well, I was at the desk, but a puddle. Anyway, she was real pretty. Not quite as pretty as you, but tall. Had a couple of others with her. All of them had these weird instruments or something. One of them was wearin' a robe. Maybe I should start doing that. Real comfy...

Dukermin: Okay, so a tall pretty lady in a band. Who likes vegetarian tacos.

Nalitie: *writing everything down on a notepad, suddenly wearing a detective hat*

Dukermin: Well, I suppose we could try any vegan restaurants in the area. Or if they're in a band, maybe they're performing somewhere. We could check the town board.

Nalitie: Yeah, that works. *onward to the town board*

Dukermin: *in the plaza* Hmm... here's a list of bands. Imagine Cheesons, Why Frogs Why, Lady Cerebellum, Mettaton, McFishing Rod, One Zillion Seconds to Devon... I don't know how I would be able to tell from this which one has a tall pretty lady who is also vegetarian.

Nalitie: Well, it's not Imagine Cheesons or Mettaton. Or Lady Cerebellum, probably, she's mostly a solo act. Why Frogs Why is me. It could be either McFishing Rod or One Zillion Seconds to Devon.

Dukermin: We could split up. I'll go see McFishing Rod, at the Milk Bar.

Nalitie: Alright, then I'll head to *checks board* the park to find One Zillion Seconds to Devon.

Dukermin: *off to the Milk Bar*

(The Milk Bar is in downtown Verdanaville, and there is a large sign out front announcing the band playing tonight. Inside, the lights are dim as the spotlights focus on McFishing Rod. He stands behind a turntable, cool reflective sunglasses glinting in the colored lights. The crowd is small but loud. The bartender is serving various flavors of milk to their patrons. A rather large collection of milk glasses has piled up on one end of the bar, where a man who looks like he's had a little too much milk sits. He is shirtless, wearing nothing but his pants, armored boots, and some armor plates. He also has a sling full of what you think are bricks.)

(On the other end of the bar, there is an equally large pile of glasses. On the stage, near McFishing Rod, there's someone who looks eerily like Nalitie playing the accordion—badly.)

Dukermin: *walking past the shirtless guy* Hey, are you doing alright? *attempts to sneak his sling away just in case*

Brick Guy: *with a half-filled glass of milk in one hand* The Thane of Brickappotamus attempts to buy a glass of milk for the nice lady.

Bartender: *unsure if that was a request for more milk or not*

Dukermin: Okay! *walks away with his bricks* *gets closer to the stage*

Thane of Brickappotamus: *did not even notice her take the bricks* *turns to a lady next to him* The Thane of Brickappotamus attempts to woo the fine young maiden to his left.

"Fine Young Maiden": No thanks. *gets up and leaves*

(The Thane, sadly, seems to have rolled too low for this.)

Dukermin: *yelling at the stage* Do you like vegetarian tacos???

Nalitie-Lookalike: *scootches closer to McFishing Rod to try to hear the chords better over Dukermin's yelling* *continues to play every single chord incorrectly*

Dukermin: *still yelling as the beat drops* How tall are you????

(Standing next to McFishing Rod, the top of Nalitie-Lookalike's head just scrapes his chin.)

McFishing Rod: I'm 5'10", dude! *continues jamming*

Dukermin: I'm not talking to you!! I'm talking to the bad accordion player!!

Nalitie-Lookalike: Hey!!! That's, like, mean! *stops playing with a jangling of accordion keys*

Dukermin: It's mean to ignore the queen! Anyway. You seem not-very-tall. Do you have a tall vegetarian friend?

Nalitie-Lookalike: *makes a surprised face* Have you seen her?? I've been looking for her all day! We got separated this morning when I... *mumbles something inaudible, looking embarrassed*

Dukermin: Okay, we'll unpack that later. You should come with me!! We're also looking for your friends!

Nalitie-Lookalike: Oh. Okay. *jumps off the stage, but lands very softly as she expands her accordion* *trips only a little because she had a bit too much milk*

Dukermin: Okay, I'm going to call my friend who looks exactly like you for some reason. *calls Nalitie*

Nalitie: *lost in the park trying to find the concert location* *answers* yyyes? I mean hello.

Dukermin: how's your concert? Did you find the lady?

Nalitie: Um... where is Insert Name of the Stage at again in Unnamed Park? I'm... a little lost.

Dukermin: Well, if you passed the Unidentified Celebrity's Pavilion and Unknown Memorial Playground then it should be just to the right.

Nalitie: Do we have more than one playground? I'm by the Ambiguous Playground Equipment. Am I in the wrong park?

Dukermin: Bruh. That's the wrong side of the park. Turn around. I'm on the way with one of the person's friends.

Nalitie: Dang, ok. I came from the Lot on This Side of the Park and usually I park in the Lot on That Side of the Park so I just turned the wrong way.

Dukermin: Ah yes thats entirely reasonable. Okay I'm heading over. *is already at the concert*

Nalitie: *has to walk across the entirety of Unnamed Park* *arrives very out of breath*

(Insert Name of the Stage is decorated with red lights and a generally moody atmosphere. It is also covered in instruments, with the two singers standing at the front of the stage, lamenting about how long it will take for Devon to come home. It is their entire founding backstory or something.

There's a large crowd tonight, and it's difficult to see everyone. Nalitie stands at the back of the crowd on the left side, trying to find Dukermin.)

Dukermin: *texts Nalitie* "Look for yourself."

Nalitie: *confused* *spins in a circle, but catches a flash of her lookalike's bright blue cloak as the lights pass over it. She heads in that direction.*

Dukermin: Nalitie! *waves* meet... wait what's your name?

Nalitie-Lookalike: I am The Bard. But you can call me Bruce, I guess.

Dukermin: Meet Bruce!

Nalitie: *awkward salute at Bruce* I'm Nalitie. *looking around* Do you see your friends anywhere in this crowd?

Bruce: *a tad overwhelmed, especially with the quantity of dairy she consumed* *shakes her head*

Dukermin: You know what would be fun - I mean helpful - is if we got on the stage and looked from there and also maybe sang with the band but whatever.

Nalitie: *as the implications soar over her head* Yeah, we should do that, I'll go up on that side *points* if you wanna take the other stairs with Bruce.

Dukermin: *does that*

Nalitie: *also heading up*

(The members of One Zillion Seconds to Devon are far too immersed in their song to notice. Scanning the crowd, you see a few familiar faces—some Lumoae, the Green Circle Labs team, Papyrus (!), and some of the Sams. You can also see a man dressed in business clothes looking mightily out of place—and confused—as well as a lady in orange pants holding some sort of a giant metal ball. Oh, and a lady in a big leather coat carrying a bow and arrow. She's the only one here with a noticeable weapon.)

Dukermin: *points out a few of the more interesting patrons to Bruce* recognize any of them?

Bruce: *points at bow and arrow lady* I like her jacket! *is having difficulty because there's a lot going on and she's full of dairy*

Dukermin: Good. But do you recognize the jacket?? That's the question.

Bruce: *shrugs* she reminds me of someone. Oh, The Ranger. She'd like that jacket.

Dukermin: okay. *grabs the microphone from one of the singers after the song ends* Hello! We have a lost bard up here! Anyone who recognizes her please come up to the stage!

Jacket Lady: *was already on her way up as soon as she saw Bruce*

Dukermin: *dragging Bruce to the end of the stage* *to the new person* Hey, do you like vegetarian tacos?

Jacket Lady: ??? Not really, but Artemis was looking for some earlier.

Dukermin: Can you bring us to Artemis??? *hops off stage*

Jacket Lady: *shakes head* Haven't seen her since we got split up this morning. Her magic 8 ball gave us faulty advice, as always, so we rolled a die and ended up taking some wrong turns. She tried to backtrack, and then when she didn't come back for us, me and Lynn split up to try to find her. And then, you know, I saw this concert was happening and wanted to see what was up.

Dukermin: Maybe we should all go back to where you last saw Artemis and see if we can figure out where she ended up. And NOT split up this time.

Jacket Lady: I don't know if I know exactly where that was, but I can try. Lemme do this quick... *pulls out a small notebook and a quill* *starts writing a song, which glows and extends a path out into the distance* *starts following the path*

Dukermin: Oh. Neat. *follows* Hey, what's your name so we can stop referring to you as Jacket Lady.

Jacket Lady: I'm The Ranger.

Dukermin: Cool name.

Bruce: *whispers loudly* her real name is Madelynn!

Dukermin: Neat. Good to know. So, what, are you the only bard where you come from and Madelynn is the only ranger?

Bruce: *shrugs* I'm the only one in our group.

Dukermin: Cool.

(You follow the path for a while, then end up in an alley somewhere near TreeGrass (but thankfully outside). The sky is a dusky yellow.)

Dukermin: So uhh. If this is where you last saw your friend, can you think of any place that she would be interested in going to? Preferably not an evil science institution?

Madelynn: She might have tried to go back to the hotel we found to stay in. I'm not sure where that is, though. My spell wasn't working on her or Bruce or Lynn, probably because they were in places I haven't been yet. The hotel was *points down a street* in that direction somewhere.

Nalitie: *dutifully taking notes and readjusting her hat*

Dukermin: Hmm. Since you know the general direction of the hotel, lets start walking that way and see what we come across.

(You head down the street in that direction as Lux dips below the horizon. The windows of Green Circle Labs glow in the twilight, as usual. You're coming up on Nalitie's house now. The lights are off, since everyone was out for the night. The couch blasts off into space.)

Nalitie: *watching her couch to make sure it blasts off successfully and at the right angle and such*

Bruce: :O

Dukermin: *also watching the couch* Hey that looked like a pretty successful couch blast.

Nalitie: Yeah, I've been working on the propulsion system, making a few upgrades so we don't go through so much fuel. The other ones had trouble making it up all the way to the station, but that looked pretty good. I'll have to see if it lands back in its spot when I get home, though.

Dukermin: Ah yeah thats a very sensible thing to do. Anyway. *continues toward the hotel*

Madelynn and Bruce: ??? *continue walking as well*

(Eventually, your group reaches the Smith Court Resort. It's a moderately-sized hotel, painted white to look like a house. It's completely full, no vacancies.)

Nalitie: *to Madelynn and Bruce* do you guys have one of your hotel keys?

Bruce: *opens a secret compartment on her accordion and pulls out some rubber bands, a crap ton of paper clips, and a hotel key card* Thar y'are.

Dukermin: *checks the number on the room key* Room 227? *starts looking for that room and goes upstairs*

(You reach Room 227, down a cozily-lit hallway. The door is slightly ajar.)

Dukermin: that's ominous *cautiously peers into the room*

(There's a woman sitting in one of the chairs playing the lyre. She's wearing long robes and has her hair in two long braids. She's chatting with someone who must be on one of the beds, but you can't see them. Their voice is familiar, though.)

Dukermin: *points to Bruce* Seems like one of your friends are in there, you should go in and say hi first.

Bruce: Oh, I can give her this! *pulls a mostly-spilled glass of milk that she stole from the Milk Bar out of her accordion* *enters the room* Lynn I got you milk!!! *sloshing it all over the floor* *notices the other people* *is a bit freaked out*

Dukermin: *goes into the room*

Sans: sup.

Frisk: *waves*

Dukermin: Oh it's a whole party in here! *motions for the others to come in*

Sans: found this kid wandering the streets on the way to your party. thought we'd bring her back and keep her company til her friends got back.

Nalitie and Madelynn: *enter*

Bruce: *hands Lynn what's basically an empty glass that is covered in milk at this point*

Lynn: *takes the glass and carefully sets it down* thanks, I guess.

Dukermin: So I take it you're Lynn. We're kind of looking for Artemis, have you seen her?

Lynn: Yeah, I'm Lynn. Most people just call me The Cleric, though. I haven't seen Artemis since this morning when we were looking for Bruce.

Dukermin: Hmm. Any idea where she would have gone to look for Bruce?

Lynn: I mean, we saw Bruce chasing a squirrel when she left, so probably to like a park or something.

Dukermin: Oh ha that is embarrassing. Hmm, we've already been to one park and didn't see her.

Nalitie: That is where we found Bruce, though. *to Bruce* did you catch that squirrel?

Bruce: ... *opens another compartment on her accordion*

Squirrel: *hops out and crawls up Bruce's arm to rest on her shoulder*

Bruce: His name is Jim.

Dukermin: *To Nalitie* Do you think Artemis might have gotten lost on the way to the park? Hopefully she didn't end up in a lunchbox portal or something.

Nalitie: Ooh, yeah hope not. Um, what's back on the way to the park? There's like... TreeGrass and Green Circle and my house and like the Opera House, I guess? There's a lot of other people's houses. Sea Food? But if she's the one who's a vegetarian, she probably didn't go there.

Dukermin: Yeah probably not. Lynn, do any of those places sound like something Artemis would end up at?

Lynn: I don't know what a lot of those places are, but like opera is her main thing I guess.

Dukermin: Okay, back to the Opera House we go! *to the opera house*

Nalitie: UGH ok, that's ok we can check on Christine and Henry I guess.

(You all head back to the Spectre Opera House. The doors are still open, the party/bean convention still going on inside. Actually, there are a lot of open cans of beans all over the floor. Christine, Steven, and Willy are in the corner by Mickey eating cake and watching the children. Homeless Henry is sitting on the floor next to a man you've never seen who is eating beans and sitting on some sort of weird box. No tall pretty vegetarian lady, though.)

Dukermin: Glad to see our party is doing exactly as well as it was when we left. I guess we should check the other areas of the Opera House.

Nalitie: Actually, our party might be doing better than when we left. *gestures to the new guy, and also Sans who has already managed to spill punch all over the floor to create a slip n' slide*

Dukermin: oh yeah you're right, how could I have missed that this party is totally bumpin' now. Wait, *to new guy* who are you?

Guy: *hesitates, then looks down at his box as if for advice* *listens for a second* *looks back up* My name is Doug. I was just sharing some of my beans with Henry. *pulls a can of beans out of the box he's sitting on* Would you like some?

Dukermin: You know what, it's a party. Sure I'll take some beans. Cool box by the way.

Guy: Her name is Cube. *pats Cube*

(Cube is a metal box with pink accents and a heart drawn on each side.)

Dukermin: Well. It's lovely to meet you, Cube and Doug. *leaves without grabbing the beans*

Nalitie: *to Dukermin as they walk away* Do you know where that guy came from? I... think I do, but we never brought that universe here...

Dukermin: I mean, there are lots of strange faces around, or whatever Henry said.

Nalitie: Hm, yeah ok.

Bruce: *takes the can of beans from Doug to feed Jim*

Dukermin: *walking around in side rooms etc, calling out for Artemis*

Bruce: *has like a scarf or something that she's trying to get Jim to sniff and track (it's not working)*

Nalitie: *heading up to the upper levels*

Dukermin: *opens up the bean cabinet and accidentally knocks over a wall of beans, exposing a small doorway* Whoaaaa.

Bruce: :O

Dukermin: *opens the door, revealing a set of stairs and a hallway.*

(You head down the hallway. It looks... very modern, actually. With gray carpet and pale blue walls. Up ahead, you see a big room with what looks like a reception desk. There's a woman sitting at it.)

Dukermin: Umm.. Hello?

Woman: Oh! Hello, are you here for Bean-a-Palooza?

Dukermin: Why would I be in the basement of the Opera House looking for the Bean-a-Palooza??

Woman: This is where Bean-A-Palooza is held every year! Are you a new member of Legumes Ltd. or the Society of Beanatics?

Dukermin: Both.

Woman: Oh my! We have a dedicated bean lover on our hands! I'm quite surprised that you don't know about the history of Bean-A-Palooza and BeanCo.

Dukermin: Ah yeah, I'm a notorious history-despiser. Anyway, I'm looking for a tall pretty lady.

Woman: Ah... I think I might know who you're talking about! Bean-A-Palooza is, er... not well-known for attracting pretty women. Someone came in here earlier today, and she didn't seem to know anything about beans. She said she was looking for some companions, and well, the bean community is a great place to find companionship! There's nothing more welcoming than a nice can of BeanCo. Beans, after all. We gave her free admission to the convention after that. I think she really likes our bean-based tacos. They're completely vegetarian, by the way.

Dukermin: Everything makes so much sense now. Well it doesn't. But still. Could you point me in her direction please?

Woman: Oh, I'm sorry miss, but we can't let non-attendees into the convention. Too many trade secrets, you see. But if you have your Legumes Ltd. or Society of Beanatics card, you get a member discount!

Dukermin: what does it cost to become an attendee?

Woman: *pulls out a calculator* Hm, let's see, without the discount it's 15 Loaves.

Dukermin: No one carries around that kind of loavage!! What is it with the discount?

Woman: With the discount, if you're a regular member it's 5 Loaves, but if you're a Young Beanist member, it's only 15 Slices. Those schoolkids don't make very much Bread, you know.

Dukermin: Okay, I have 2 loaves on me. So lets see here *starts pulling things out of her pocket* I know I have my cards in here somewhere *throws all her items at the receptionist, grabs Bruce, and runs past* ARTEMIIIIIIS

Bruce: 0.0

(The receptionist is stunned, and looks around. She starts to get up from her desk, but thinks better of it because what if someone else comes and then doesn't get welcomed?)

Dukermin: *runs through a doorway and closes it behind her*

(At the front of the room, some guy is running a panel on BeanCo. Beans and their value compared to Off Brand! Beans. People are seated at tables with samples of the two brands in front of them. Everyone looks very much like people who would attend a bean convention.)

Dukermin: *runs to the panelist and shouts at everyone* Have any of you seen a tall pretty lady !?!?!

Beangoers: ???

Panelist: Excuse me!! Now I don't remember where I was in my presentation. I'm going to have to start all over again!

Dukermin: It's urgent! We have reason to believe she's here to steal trade secrets about your beans!!!!

Beangoer: :O Do you mean that woman in the tall shoes who was interested in my bean-based taco recipe? She was suspiciously un-beanlike...

Dukermin: YES! WHERE?

Beangoer: I think she was down by the expo hall. She must be looking for bean recipes to copy! Or worse—she wants to plant her own beans!

Dukermin: THE ABSURDITY! Can you point me towards the expo hall??

Beangoer: I'll bring you there myself! *gets up and brings them to the expo hall*

(The expo hall is busy. There are tables in rows all across the room, each one showcasing a different bean-related product or bean company. The Helpful Beangoer looks around, then points towards one of the corners of the room, where a woman is sitting with a cone-shaped glass of water because no one gets real cups at these things.)

Beangoer: That's her!!!

Dukermin: Artemis! You are under arrest for grand beanery! *runs over to her and whispers* not really your other friends are upstairs.

Artemis, probably: Grand beanery? *sees Bruce* Oh, you found Bruce.

Bruce (and Jim): *munching on the can of beans from earlier*

Beangoer: Say... What brand of beans are those?

Bruce: *shrugs* *shows Beangoer the can, which has a weird circular logo on it that looks like a camera shutter*

Dukermin: Wow, Bruce, I can't believe you like that brand of beans. Fake fan. Anyway. We gotta get the prisoner to bean jail immediately *grabs Bruce and Artemis by the robes/cloaks and walks out*

(As you ascend from the underground bean world, you begin to feel a strange sense of being away from home. You miss the bean world already, but the feeling subsides as you get further from the bean cabinet. Nalitie, Madelynn, and Lynn have regrouped by the Christmas party.)

Dukermin: Reunited! Now, we have questions for Artemis specifically.

Artemis: If it's about beans, I don't think I'll be able to help you...

Dukermin: Naw, do you recognize that man over there? *points to Homeless Henry*

Artemis: Oh, is he the one who was made out of cheese?

Dukermin: ... Excuse me?

Artemis: Yesterday, our group went to his restaurant thinking it was a motel, and he was there on the floor melted into a puddle. I asked my staff what to do, and of course it was no help, but I realized he was made out of cheese so I put him in a bucket in the freezer so he could re-solidify.

Dukermin: So it wasn't illegal reanimation magic or necromancy?

Artemis: I'm not sure if my magic is strong enough for that. It is strong enough to keep me upright in these heels, though.

Dukermin: Henry!!! *storms over to the Bean Boyz* Why didn't you tell us you were made of cheese???

Henry: Would you like me better if I was made out of cheese?

Dukermin: It would literally not impact me at all, aside from the fact we just spent all day searching for someone thinking some crazy magic stuff was going on!

Henry: ... :(

Dukermin: I like you fine, Henry. I'm a married woman though, and I feel like if we're going to be friends you should tell me that you're made of cheese so that if you randomly MELT we don't think you're dead and can help you reform or whatever.

Henry: ... oh. Er. Yeah, I'm made of cheese. Cheddar, to be exact.

Dukermin: Thanks for telling me. BTW, the bean convention is downstairs.

Bruce: Through the bean closet!

Nalitie: ?????

Henry: Oh! Of course, because anything left of BeanCo. would have to be underground now that this opera house is here. Thank you kindly, miss. *heads down there, inviting Doug to come with him*

Dukermin: *to Artemis* So like... who are you guys and where did you come from? Our cap usually doesn't allow randoms through, and we usually know everybody who turns out to be an important character.

Artemis: Important character?

Dukermin: Nevermind that.

Artemis: Oo-kay. We're magimusicians from the distant countryside, and we were travelling to the University to present our research to the council.

Dukermin: Wow you just said a whole lotta nothing. Did like... a wormhole suck you up or something because this is definitely not a research university.

Artemis: A... wormhole?

Dukermin: Like a portal or something.

Artemis: Well, there was a weird burst of magic before we woke up again in the field. Maybe it transported us here while we were out. We were assuming it was just a field off the side of the road we'd been travelling on, but perhaps it wasn't...

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* do you suppose something has happened to the towers? Does LOGIC expire?

Nalitie: Um... not that I know of? We can go check, though.

Dukermin: Well, hey wait it's "christmas" we need to exchange gifts! We can figure this out later.

Nalitie: Oh yeah, Christmas, that's what this document was. *takes stock of the party's guests*

(Homeless Henry and Doug have gone downstairs to Bean-a-Palooza. Christine is here with Erscoga Tobias. Steven and Willy Wonka are watching the other three kids, who are napping cause it's late. Mickey Mouse is acting as the Christmas tree. Artemis, Madelynn, Lynn, and Bruce are still here.)

Dukermin: *claps hands* alright everyone, it's time to exchange gifts!

Nalitie: *grabs her pile to give out, but realizes that a bunch of people she'd planned on giving stuff to aren't there*

Dukermin: *hands poorly wrapped presents out to Nalitie, Willy Wonka, and Christine and Steven. She leaves a present by the bean door for Homeless Henry*

Artemis, Madelynn, Lynn, and Bruce: *confused about why gifts are being given out, but want to join in* *start giving people stuff out of their pockets*

Nalitie: *hands presents to those in her household* *approaches Dukermin with a medium-ish rectangular prism*

Dukermin: Open yours and then I'll open mine. *under breath* we should probably free him.

Nalitie: What

Dukermin: Just open it! And quickly!

Nalitie: *opens gift*

(a small man made ot of what looks like felt wearing a black top hat hops out of the box)

Pocket Magician™: OH THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME OUT IVE BEEN IN THAT BOX FOR TWO DAYS PICK A CARD *holds out three cards*

Nalitie: *points at one of the cards confusedly* Do... I... do you need to be like fed?

Pocket Magician™: I FEED OFF OF PRAISE AND ADULATION *flicks the card you chose into the air and the card disappears* CHECK YOUR LEFT POCKET.

Nalitie: *does that*

(a teeny tiny piece of paper is in your pocket. Amazing! It's your card!)

Nalitie: *squinting at the print* Ohh I get it, cool. Uh... *trying to figure out what to do with the Pocket Magician™*

Pocket Magician™: *begins to glow and sparkle then disappears*

(you hear a tiny voice from within your other pocket)

Pocket Magician™: I'm gonna live in here now! Let me know whenever you need to see another trick!

Dukermin: Cool right! He may be a cursed item!

Nalitie: Well, we can deal with that later if it ever comes up, thank you for the tiny man :D You should open yours now.

Dukermin: *opens the present from Nalitie*

(Inside is an old-looking book. It has a bunch of different languages on the cover: some weird scratchy runes, some weird symbols in brackets, and French, German, Italian, Latin, and English. It says it's a linguistic guide of some sort.)

Dukermin: Ooooh I don't know what this is. *opens the book*

(The book is a quick guide to the pronunciation of a bunch of different languages: the five familiar Earth languages as well as Dragon Language. It also has a quick guide to IPA symbols!)

Dukermin: Ahhh okay that's useful! Thank you!

Bruce: *sees the IPA on the cover* Oh!!! Are you practicing music magic??? Here, you'll need these!!! *gives her a handful of gold and some weird looking gems*

Dukermin: Okay! This relates somehow! *knows nothing about IPA*

Nalitie: *looking at the weird gems* IDK, those gems have IPA symbols on them I guess. I don't know what you're supposed to do with them, though. Maybe if you say the sounds it's supposed to do something?

Dukermin: *looks in the book and finds one that matches a gem* okay so.... æ

(Nothing happens.)

Nalitie: hm.

Bruce: Oh, you're supposed to mix those into spells! Here, watch. *pulls out a bunch of tokens and spreads them out on the floor, ordered into the phrase [l aɪ t]* *crushes them and stirs them into a pile, which starts glowing* See! I made light!

Dukermin: huh. That's pretty cool.

Nalitie: I... didn't know that was a way you could do magic. Uh. I just got you the book cause it had info about Dragon Language in it. Thought you could talk to Addy's dragon or something.

Dukermin: Makes sense! I wonder if magi music would work for anyone with these gems, even if they're not from wherever these folks are from.

Nalitie: Hm... Hey Christine come here!

Christine: *walks over* Yes?

Nalitie: *to Bruce* do you have more of those tokens?

Bruce: *nods and hands her a small pouch*

Nalitie: *to Christine* here, spell something. Like uh.... Water...?

Christine: ??? *takes tokens* *arranges them on the floor into the phrase/word [w a d ə]*

Nalitie: Ok now uh smash them with this I guess *hands her a heavy bean can*

Christine: Okay? *smashes them with the can*

(The shards of broken gems melt into a puddle of water.)

Dukermin: So I guess pretty much anyone can use the tokens as long as they can figure out how to do IPA. So they're more like a magic item.

Nalitie: huh, neat.

Dukermin: Welp. Now it's time for... wait a second Papyrus isn't here! I know Candle Grandma has a gift for him!

Nalitie: wait wasn't Papyrus at that concert where we found Madelynn, too? He didn't come to our party and he was the one who was supposed to send out invitations!

Dukermin: Betrayal! Let's go find him! *storms out*

(You all head back to Unnamed Park to see if the One Zillion Seconds to Devon concert is still happening, since that's where Papyrus was last.)

(You arrive at the park. The concert is over, but lots of people are still around. There's a very confused looking gentlemen with curly dark brown hair being crowdsurfed perhaps unwillingly. Everyone is chanting "Devon! Devon! Devon!" Papyrus is among them.)

Nalitie: *points accusingly at Papyrus, not noticing any of the other unfamiliar people in the crowd* There he is!

Dukermin: *races over and bumps through the crowd of people*

Devon: *gets jostled and falls down* *runs away* I just wanted to go to the concert!!!

Dukermin: PAPYRUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

Papyrus: AH! QUEENLY HUMAN! I WAS WATCHING THESE PEOPLE SING ABOUT THAT MAN OVER THERE! *points in the direction Devon went*

Dukermin: Are you sure that was the right Devon...? Anyway! You were supposed to be at our Christmas party AND you were supposed to mail out the invitations!

Papyrus: Ah! I did, in fact, mail out invitations! I do apologize, though, for I, the Great Papyrus, could not make it. Mettaton asked me to host this concert, since he was busy helping with the situation on Pluto and could not be here to do this!

Dukermin: What situation? Why weren't we aware of the situation? That's like... our whole job.

Papyrus: We sent letters!!! Perhaps they went to the same place that the invitations went???

Dukermin: Huh? *to Nalitie* Do you think the mail system is backed up or something?

Nalitie: Hm, I haven't seen my pigeons in a while, actually. I wonder if they got lost? Sometimes they go out into Interdimensional Space and then I don't see them for a while. I knew I should have gotten some trackers...

Dukermin: We'll deal with that some other time. Papyrus, Candle Grandma has a present for you *becomes candle grandma*

Candle Grandma: *pull a heart shaped box out of her purse* Hello dearie! Merry Christmas! I got this for you <3

Papyrus: :D!!! Hello Candle!!! *takes box, opens it*

(Inside is a bunch of chocolates, some are in the likeness of Candle Grandma and Papyrus. Some are shaped like a bowl of spaghetti)

Candle Grandma: The ones shaped like us are just regular chocolates, but very handsome chocolates at that! The spaghetti shaped ones are filled with spaghetti!

Papyrus: Wowie!!! *gives her an enthusiastic hug* Er... The Great Papyrus did in fact have a present for you, but it may have gotten misplaced because of all our house guests :(

Candle Grandma: That's okay, dear. You can make it up to me by taking me out next week *winks and turns back into Dukermin*

Dukermin: Hang on, Candle Grandma just mentioned something to me about house guests... in my brain/SOUL space. It's weird also remember you owe her a date.

Papyrus: Ah! Indeed! My house is very full because of the house guests!

Dukermin: Do... do you know these house guests? No offense but I didn't realize you had so many friends...

Papyrus: I do now!!! They came to our house because they needed somewhere to stay, and they are all humans, except for one who isn't a human, and one who is a robot, and another one who is only sort of a human, but isn't a human.

Dukermin: ... Alright this is starting to concern me. Just now I'm becoming worried about this situation. Somehow this has completely blindsided us! There were no signs!

Nalitie: I'm not even sure what the whole situation is.

Papyrus: Ah! There are two of my houseguests now! They came to the concert with me!

Man in Business Clothes Holding a Bucket and Lady in Orange Pants Carrying a Metal Ball: *approach*

Dukermin: Cool bucket and cool metal ball.

Metal Ball: Oi! I have a name, you know! *rotates around; it has a like blue light that looks kind of like an eye*

Dukermin: Alright... what is your name?

Metal Ball: *to the lady carrying it* She actually doesn't know! I feel like everybody knew everybody down in Aperture, isn't that crazy that people don't know each other up here? Oh, right, *turns back to Dukermin* I'm Wheatley!

Dukermin: Umm nice to meet you. Where do you think you are right now because it is definitely not the Aperture or whatever you said. Did you come here on purpose?

Wheatley: Oh, well the uh, tall skeletal man over there said we're on a planet called Termata. We all came here together, for this concert thing, so I guess we did come here on purpose, yeah.

Dukermin: But... how did you get through the power cap? Was it through GCL?

Wheatley: I'm um. Not sure what you're on about. That guy just told us to step into this, I think he said it was a lunchbox? And it was, you know, like one of the portals, except it took a long time to go through it. Kind of weird like that, and not even orange or blue.

Dukermin: Right right, what I'm not understanding is how you came to Erscoga in the first place?

Wheatley: Ooh, what's Erscoga? Sounds like a cool kind of place.

Dukermin: ... Okay not to be rude, but are you able to just.. Go back to the aperture?

Wheatley: *makes noise I don't know the name of. Inverse s sound* Er... right, about that, I don't um, see we got out of Aperture cause of this big explosion, right? And I'm not sure how that happened, but uh. Don't want to go back there. Cause if we go back there, well, for one it might just be a big bottomless pit in the ground, but if it isn't a big bottomless pit, she will probably kill us just for coming back, you know how she is... Doesn't really want us hanging around and all that. You know. After I. Well, you know, that's not important, but what is important is that we–

Dukermin: Stop go back. she ? and a bottomless pit?

Wheatley: Oh, er, you know, the big boss lady. The one in charge. Of the whole facility. I mean, if it is still a facility, didn't blow up.

Dukermin: I literally do not know.

(The woman fishes something out of her pocket and hands it to you. It's a brochure for a science company called Aperture. Must be where they're from. She points to a section that details something called the GLaDOS project.)

Dukermin: Ooh yikes yeah I do not know how to tell this to you guys but you are in the complete wrong dimension. In fact *gestures to crowds of people that are totally unfamiliar* you are not the only ones that somehow wandered in here by accident.

Business Man: *hugs his bucket tighter in fear*

Kid, also carrying a bucket: *sees the business man's bucket* *runs up excitedly, as if to talk about buckets together, but sort of remembers something and stops, backing away awkwardly*

Dukermin: *to nalitie* So, we should probably sort out some sort of housing situation for our unexpected guests. We should hand out pamphlets for the Best Western for now. And then, we'll need to figure out if the bottomless pit thing is a trend or not, and either send these people back to their dimensions or make sure they're settled in.

Nalitie: If we could get ahold of Elma, maybe she'd be able to help. We could talk to GCL about stuff too, but I'm not sure how they're getting in? This is a lot of people, what if they just come back?

Dukermin: I'm kind of worried they may not have much to go back to if the bottomless pit thing is happening to everyone. That sounds not fun.

Nalitie: yeah... Ok, so we should get those who are here settled in somewhere, and try to stop more from coming in, and I guess figure out what's happening to see if people can even go back. Otherwise, disperse amongst the planets. How many more do you think there are? (Suddenly, you hear sleigh bells... Everyone looks into the sky, and inexplicably in the middle of May—there's Santa! And Christine! And... a whole train full of people.)

Dukermin: *Waves* Obviously there is a fair amount more!

Santa: *lands his sleigh* Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christine: *gets out and goes over to them* After you all left, these people came into the opera house looking for directions. I don't recognize any of them, though.

(The sleigh is filled with a bunch of people you've never seen: intimidating people in armor, a vampire, a lizard man carrying a gigantic sword, a yellow bipedal dog dressed like a secretary, a band of monsters, a guy in a cloak carrying a giant D20, and a young man with dark hair and black clothing with a diamond cut out of the front.)

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

(To be continued...) 

~•*•~

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[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the working week although, for those of you working in the NHS, welcome to just another day.

The weekend got off to a weird start. To help my son, I agreed to drive to Luton to pick up The Mighty Josiah from his mum. It was one of the hottest days of the year. We love that, right? But the heat sent Google Maps into meltdown! Did anyone else experience that? Suddenly, Google Maps was telling me to come off the M1 at Junction 8 and go via Hemel Hempstead! I suddenly realised I was getting no closer to Luton and Google Maps had sent me in a huge circle. I rejoined the M1 at Junction 8 (40 minutes later) and eventually got to Luton.

Many thanks to everyone that listened to the radio show live and to everyone that will listen to the show on MixCloud. Many thanks to my cool, new friend Matt Louis for being my executive producer. As Matt knows all the best restaurants in London, I can confidently say I will be double-dating with he and his missus very soon! The Letter O (part two) this Saturday at 1.00 p.m.

On Saturday evening, we were meant to go to a garden party that we were really looking forward to but, at 8.42 pm, The Trouble got home from a craft fair in Acton Vale, slumped on the sofa, and looked like she was ready for nothing but sleep! I quickly sent a text to our hostess, offering our sincerest apologies, and declining her invitation. The Trouble did not move from that sofa for another two hours! And she was sitting in my spot! Next week, The Trouble will be selling her jewellery at the Irie! Dance Theatre Family Fun Day in Fordham Park (SE14) and Di Greeneyez is playing the music too! As I can walk there from the Mi-Soul studio, hopefully I will see some of you there around 4.00?

On Sunday, we were up just before 7.00. It was one of those deeply unsatisfying summer days. It was cloudy and warm but, every so often, you’d get a blast of sunshine or some drops of rain. Make your bloody mind up! Anyway, as The Mighty Josiah was not awake, we left for Windsor without him. A very pleasant day in Alexandra Gardens for the good folk of Windsor, with good vibes flowing from the Mi-Soul V.I.P. tent, of course. I would strongly advise you go to the Mi-Soul website because, in the coming months, we are very busy! Lots of good Mi-Soul events!

On Sunday evening, we were both stretched out on the couch like beached whales, snacking on cheese, crackers and grapes (is it becoming an obsession?) We are both going into the office today, so we needed a quiet evening. Having said that – you know me – we have a busy week ahead!

Did you see that flash flooding in Sheffield? Amazing! I wonder what caused that? (He asked knowingly.)

Have a marvellous and momentous Monday. I love you all.

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

  Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 2 * PART 1 * BOOK 70 ADULTEROUS ISRAEL TO BE RESTORED – PART 1 Hosea 2:14 – 4:14 Okay, it is good to see everybody in this afternoon. I’ll have to share with our television audience that we’ve got folks here -- I hope I can remember them all -- from Minnesota, Mississippi, Iowa, Oklahoma, of course, and Michigan. Now, did I hit everybody?  Hopefully.  Anyway, we’re glad to have folks stop in when they’re -- and there’s Texas --but you haven’t been here that long. Anyway, for all of you out in television, we’re glad that you’ve invited us into your home or wherever you are. Again, we always have to thank every one of you for your prayer support and for all that goes with it.  Again, we love your letters.  Sometimes they’re a little too short.  Sometimes they’re a little too long, but we love them anyway. Okay, we’re going to pick right up where we left off in our last program, which was over a month ago, I guess.  We’re in Hosea.  We’re going to be looking at chapter 2 verse 14.  Now again, for just a little bit of recap, you want to remember that these are the minor prophets. They’re not called minor because they’re of lesser importance, but simply because they’re shorter in content. They’re not nearly as long as Isaiah and Jeremiah and Ezekiel.   A lot of it is repetition, so bear with me.  A lot of the things that we brought out in the Book of Isaiah are popping up again in all these minor prophets, because you see, the whole scope of the Old Testament, from Genesis chapter 12 on, is the Lord preparing the Nation of Israel for the coming of their Messiah, Redeemer, King, and a Kingdom.  In the time that elapsed, of course, Israel is going to go so deep into unbelief that they will actually become an idolatrous nation. That’s what we’re dealing with primarily in these minor prophets - their idolatry. As we pointed out in the first chapter of Hosea, if you just read it casually, you’d think that God is actually talking in terms of the prostitution and the houses of ill repute. But when He tells Hosea to go and marry a harlot, He’s not talking about physical sexuality as we’re thinking of it.  It’s all in the realm of the Spirit.  So, it’s this constant reference that all of this idolatry and all of this chasing after idols are like a man chasing after the women of the street.  Always keep in mind that we’re talking about Israel and idolatry.  That was God’s number one controversy with the people of Israel.  It is unbelievable that here you have the covenant people brought out of Egypt miraculously through the Red Sea, brought down to Sinai, given the Law and the Temple and the Priesthood, and then miraculously brought into the Promised Land, and then within a few hundred years they are just as steeped in idolatry as the other nations around them. Of course, that’s why to the casual reader God seemed so harsh way up there in Moses’ time -- when God says to Israel to have nothing to do with those people. Don’t intermarry with them.  Then later on when He told them to cleanse the land, He even said to kill all the men, women, and children.  Well, it wasn’t because God was so heartless. God knew that if He didn’t take idolatrous people away from contact with His people, it never goes the good way.  It always goes the bad way. This is what I tell young people when they start dating – “Don’t ever start dating someone, boy or girl, with the idea that you’re going to win them to the Lord and you’re going to make them better.”  Usually it doesn’t work.  It goes the other way.  The same thing with Israel after all of their warnings, here we find them now, at the time of Hosea, which is only about 300 years after King David.  We’re talking about 700 BC and David was 1000 BC, Moses – 1500 BC.  But in that relatively short period of time, the Nation of Israel has gone totally into idolatry, with just a scattered, few true believers; and they were hated by the majority. I mean just like today, you folks are finding out.

  You take the truth of these things into a liberal church Sunday school and they just about ride you out on a rail.  That’s the way it’s always been.  Okay, let’s jump in here now, Hosea chapter 2 verse 14. Hosea 2:14 “Therefore, behold, (This is God speaking to the Nation through the prophet.  God said,) I will allure her, (In other words, just like a suitor.) I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.”  Now, I think this is a reflection on their wilderness experience after they came out of Egypt, and how God providentially watched over them and cared for them and supplied their every need.  He’s going to try and do it again to bring them back to Himself.   All right, now verse 15 is a promise of blessing, not of discipline, but blessing. Hosea 2:15a “And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope:…”  Now that’s a play on words. Because the first time you heard about Achor -- who knows what it was associated with?  Achan -- it was the first city after Jericho, after they came into the Promised Land.  They were told to go up and destroy the city of Ai, which evidently was a materially well-to-do city. God told them to destroy all the material goods.  He warned them – don’t even take a nickel’s worth of anything. But you see, Achan, a good Jew, thought he could get away with it.  You remember what he did.  He took some of the spoil, buried it, and thought that at some future day he could come back and capitalize on it.  But, you see, God wouldn’t let it go. The whole nation was chastised for that one sinful event.  So, Achor was a place of curse, not blessing.  But now, when it comes to the time of God’s blessing, He uses the valley of Achor as a place of hope.  All right, now reading on in verse 15: Hosea 2:15b “…and she shall sing there, (Now then, we’re talking about the Nation of Israel.) as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt.”  You see where the correlation is?  He’s comparing their present time now, which is, let’s see, my goodness, we’re talking about 800-900 years after the fact, that God is still using the coming out of Egypt and going through the wilderness as an illustration of His protective blessing. Hosea 2:16 “And it shall be at that day, saith the LORD, (I’ve got to emphasize this is God speaking through the prophet.) that thou shalt call me Ishi;…” Which translated means “my husband.”  In other words, God would be a husband to Israel as His wife.  There again, here’s where you come to that constant correlation in Scripture.  In the marriage relationship as a husband is to wife, so God is to His people.  Now, in this case, of course, it’s the ancient Nation of Israel. But, jump with me all the way up to Ephesians. We have that same analogy between Christ and you and me as members of the Body of Christ in Ephesians chapter 5.  I do this just to show that all of Scripture has that same kind of a thread from beginning to end.  Israel was to be like a wife with God as her husband.  All right, now look how Paul puts it for us as believers today.  Ephesians chapter 5 and we’ll jump in at verse 21.  You see, the analogy is the same whether it’s for us in the Body or what was for Israel in a national relationship under the Old Testament economy. Ephesians 5:21 “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”  I always have to repeat, Paul always talks or writes to one class of people.  Who is it?  The believer.  Never the unbeliever.  All right, so to the believers there at Ephesus, or to you and I today as believers, the instruction is to “submit yourselves one to another in the fear (or the reverence) of God.”  Now, here comes the relationship. Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, (But how?) as unto the Lord.” Here comes the spiritual connection even to a physical relationship -- verse 23. Ephesians 5:23a “For the husband is the head of the wife, (But

again what’s the connection?) even as Christ is the head of the church:…(or the Body)”  That’s the comparison -- that a husband should have the love and concern and protection for his wife that Christ has for the Church.  And it’s such a practical lesson.   All right, read it again. Ephesians 5:23a “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:…”  My, what a beautiful illustration.  A husband should have so much love for his wife (now just watch my wife smile!) that he’d be willing to do what for her?  Die for her! That’s where Abraham failed.  Way back in the very beginning of the Nation, Abraham failed miserably.  Because, you see, when he came into enemy territory, he must have had a very beautiful wife; and he was scared to death that they would kill him in order to have his wife.  So, what does he do?  He says to tell them that you’re my sister.  Well, in reality, she was a half-sister.  But see, he didn’t have that concept that he was willing to die for his wife.  But see, that’s where we’re to be, simply because Christ loved the church and did what?  He died for us!  That’s our whole plan of redemption.  Okay, read on. Ephesians 5:23b-24 “…even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. (He is the reason that we’re members with him as husband and wife) 24.  Therefore as the church (or the Body of Christ) is subject unto Christ, (He’s always above us.  We are always submissive to Him.) so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” But see, here’s where we have to be careful.  If you’re going to keep the analogy intact, in which way will the husband put his wife in subjection?  Well, the same way Christ has us in subjection.  And is it ever for our disadvantage?  Never!  To be in subjection to Christ is always for our own good.  It’s the only place to be.  Well, that’s the way a wife should feel about her husband -- that she couldn’t find herself under any better circumstances because of her respect and love for the one who is over her.  Not as a doormat.  Not as a “go-for,” but in a relationship that is as Christ loved the church.  Now, verse 25: Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even (again) as Christ also loved the church, and (Did what?) gave himself for it;”  All right, now that is the constant analogy of Scripture.  All right, let’s go back to Hosea. This is exactly the relationship that God is yearning to restore again with the covenant people, the Nation of Israel.   All right, back to verse 16 of Hosea 2. Hosea 2:16 “And is shall be at that day, saith the LORD, that thou shalt call me Ishi; (or husband) and shalt call me no more Baali.”  Or in other words, just another god.  Now then verse 17.   If Israel would respond and turn away from chasing after all the idols of the Gentiles around them, then He says: Hosea 2:17 “For I will take away the names of Baalim out of her mouth, and they shall no more be remembered by their name.”   In other words, He would remove even the memory of all these pagan gods and goddesses. Hosea 2:18 “And in that day (when Israel responds) will I make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, (Now, we’re getting right down where the rubber meets the road!  Even the wild beasts are going to be influenced by God’s relationship with His beloved Israel.) and with the fowls of heaven, and with the creeping things of the ground: and I will break the bow and the sword and the battle out of the earth, and will make them to lie down safely.” All right, let’s go back real quickly to Isaiah chapter 11 and get a glimpse of what the Lord is talking about -- this glorious Kingdom Age when Christ would rule and reign over His covenant people as well as the rest of the world. These are some of the reactions or results of it.  You’ve all seen these verses before.  Isaiah chapter 11 and we’ll start at verse 5.  This is what’s coming.  We can’t imagine it today. But, Beloved, it’s coming! I’m always making that statement

– if prophecy says it, it’s going to happen!  Now, it may be a few years, but we’re getting close.  My, when you see the world tonight, today, in all of its perplexity and all of its unsolvable problems-- You know, I was reading an editorial in our Daily Oklahoman the other day, and it was so good I read it to Iris, the whole editorial.  It was by a well known -- I think it was a Washington Post writer -- Charles Krauthammer.  I think most of you have probably seen him on talk shows and so forth.  Well, he was laying out the two alternatives that the world is facing. Of course, the one that is Number One and has to face it first is our own President.  Well, the one alternative was to go in and stop Iran in her tracks; and that, of course, would bring about a horrendous war of some kind.  It would be a complete disruption of all the oil supply.  It would probably send the whole world into a horrible economic crash.  But that’s what would have to happen if you’re going to stop Iran. The other alternative is to do nothing and let them go ahead and build their nuclear force, and then they in turn will either blackmail the world or start blowing us to smithereens.  Those are the two alternatives.  And he says, “Our President has got twelve months to make up his mind.”  How’d you like to be in his shoes?  Either one is disaster.  Well, that’s the world we’re living in.  That’s what Jesus meant when He said it will be filled with perplexity.  Now, you know what perplexity is.  Just as I’ve explained – how are you going to make a choice between two horrible alternatives?  It’s perplexing. But, you see, everything is getting the world ready for the glorious kingdom that’s coming. Everything on this planet is going to be destroyed. We know that.  But out of it is going to come what the Lord is telling Israel even back in Hosea, but we get a better picture of it now in Isaiah. Isaiah 11:5-6a “And righteousness shall be the girdle of his loins, (That is of the ruling king, which will be Christ Himself.) and faithfulness the girdle of his reins.  6. The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb,…”  Remember what Hosea said?  The wild animals and everything that’s wild, the fowl, the birds of prey. Isaiah 11:6b “…and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; (or the baby goat) and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; (all in perfect harmony, now) and a little child shall lead them.” In other words, even children can play amongst these that are, today, carnivorous wild animals -- Verse 7. Isaiah 11:7 “And the cow and the bear shall feed; (In other words, they’ll graze in the same area.)  their young ones shall lie down together: (Whether it’s a baby sheep, a lamb, or whether it’s a kid of the goats, or it’s the cub of the lions, they’ll all be interacting peacefully.)  and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.” In other words, it won’t be a meat eater.  It will be vegetarian.  It’ll eat things that grow naturally.  And then verse 8: Isaiah 11:8-9 “A nursing child shall play on the hole of an asp, (a poisonous snake in the Middle East.) and the weaned child (a little toddler) shall put his hand on the cockatrice’ den. 9.  They shall not hurt nor destroy in all of my holy mountain: (Why?) for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.” This isn’t some pie in the sky.  This is coming on the planet.  That’s the analogy.  It’s going to be perfect harmony throughout all the planet’s existence, whether it’s humanity or the birds and the fowl and so forth.  All right, the other point is that the bow will be broken.  Come back to Hosea, back to chapter 2, where the bow and the sword will be totally removed. You all know those verses, where they will turn their swords into plowshares.  It is going to be a total economy of peace and prosperity and tremendous production beyond what you and I can ever imagine.  All right, now verse 19. Hosea 2:19 “And I will betroth (Or, like we would say, bring into a place of engagement.

) thee unto me forever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness and in mercies.”  Oh, now that brings up another verse.  Go back to II Samuel, because this was all in prophecy all the way back.  How God would deal with His covenant people Israel.  Here God is now dealing with King David, but He’s speaking through the prophet Nathan. Look what He tells Nathan concerning, not just David, but the whole Nation of Israel.  II Samuel 7:14 & 15 -- now, He’s talking about the Nation, II Samuel 7:14 “I will be his father, (Now, in this case, it’s a father and son relationship.  In Hosea we’re talking about husband and wife.) and he shall be my son.  If (God knew it was coming.) he commit iniquity, (Which at the time of Hosea was primarily what?  The idolatry.  And the idolatry led to every other sin and wickedness you could think of.  All right, so here it is.) If he commit iniquity, I will chasten him with the rod of men, (Invading armies.  And they’re coming.) and with the stripes of the children of men:” In another place in Isaiah it says, “and you’ll be hearing strange languages.”  Well, what did that imply?  Occupying troops of the enemy.  That was Israel’s constant warning.  All right, now look at verse 15, what’s the first word?  “But…”  The flipside!  Even though God will permit nations to come in and invade them and down trod them, steal their grain and enslave their children-- II Samuel 7:15-16 “But my mercy shall not depart away from him, as I took it from Saul, whom I put away before thee. (Now, we’re coming back to the relationship of David and Saul, but the big picture is God and Israel!) 16. And thine house (the house of David) and thy kingdom (that’s still coming) shall be established forever before thee: thy throne shall be established for ever.” All right, now when we talk about mercy up there in verse 15-- I can’t help it, I always have to come back-- I hope it is Deuteronomy chapter 33.  I’ve got 32, hopefully it’s 33.  No, it isn’t. But anyway, He says, I’m going to give mercy to whom I will give mercy.  Exodus 33:19, I thought it was Deuteronomy, but it’s the wrong book. Exodus 33:19 “And he said, I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy.”  That’s what He told Moses – I will be merciful to whom I will be merciful.  Well, what does that imply?  His Sovereignty!  His Sovereignty and we sometimes think how can God do that?  Because He’s Sovereign. Now, I mentioned the Holocaust in one of my classes the other night.  We know the Holocaust was probably one of the worst times in all of Israel’s history.  Why did God let it happen?  Well, He had to.  It had to happen.  Here’s the point.  Had Israel not gone into that horror of the Holocaust, do you think the Nation of Israel would be where it is today?  It would have never happened. It took the horrors and the pressures of the Holocaust to get the Jew to go back to their homeland.  And they had to go back to their homeland. Because we’re going to see later this afternoon that was all part of God’s program – that He would scatter them and He would bring them back.  All right, back for just a couple of minutes to Hosea chapter 2 and verse 20, again. Hosea 2:20-22 “I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: (They’re no longer going to run after idols and pagan gods.) and thou shalt know the LORD.  21. And it shall come to pass in that day, (When Israel is back into complete fellowship with her Jehovah God.) I will hear, saith the LORD, I will hear the heavens, and they (the heavens) shall hear the earth; 22.  And the earth shall hear the corn, and the wine, and the oil; and they shall hear Jezreel.” Well, what does that mean?  When Israel comes into the place of blessing, everything they plant will grow and produce like you and I cannot imagine!  You know, Amos, I think I’ve got time.

  Let’s go quickly over to Amos.  Just go ahead a little ways to Amos, I think it’s the last chapter.  This agrees completely with the time when Israel finally comes into this Kingdom Age and Jehovah is ruling and reigning from Jerusalem.  Amos chapter 9, drop all the way down to verse 13, and tie this in with what we just read; that the earth will respond to being sowed, and it’s going to produce. Amos 9:13-15a “Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that the plowman (The one who’s tilling and preparing the soil.) shall overtake the reaper, (The guy who’s harvesting the previous crop. It’s going to be such continuous production.) and the treader of grapes will over take him that soweth the seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine, and all the hills shall melt. 14.  And I will bring again the captivity of my people of Israel, and they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them; and they shall plant vineyards and drink the wine thereof; they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit of them.  (And again, the same analogy) 15. And I will plant them upon their land, and they shall no more be pulled up…”

[weaversweek]

GOSH! Bonnie Langford and the hit record

Here’s one for @partywithponies and the rest of the fan club: Bonnie Langford's one appearance on Top of the Pops.

On this day in 1988, the BBC's pop music programme played a clip from "The wishing well". What was this song, what's it got to do with a children's hospital, and why the chuff are Bonnie Langford and TV's Doctor Who on it?!

Great Ormond Street Hospital is a children's hospital in London. It's got a great reputation for medical care and research and pioneering surgery on young patients. This appeal was the first concerted effort to raise money for the work they do, and had a particular point - to refurbish the dilapidated buildings. £40 million needed to come from public fundraising.

The "Wishing Well" appeal would run through 1988 and smash through its target. It's rightly seen as a template for other charity appeals to emulate. Big events included a swimathon in February, concerts by Michael Jackson and Cliff Richard, a classic car auction, the Willow film premiere, and £1.5 million as the London marathon's default charity.

To raise awareness, there was a one-hour documentary on BBC1 in the gap between Christmas and New Year. There was also a charity single, three years after Band Aid invented the idea, and eight months after Ferry Aid kept the idea rolling.

To modern ears, "The wishing well" isn't a great song. Frankly, to ears in 1988, "The wishing well” wasn't a great song. It's simple, effective, unashamedly tugs at the heartstrings. It's optimistic, the rising cadences in the chorus point to a brighter future. Chris Copping wrote the tune, it was produced by Ray Santilli and Keff McCulloch.

Main vocals on the song came from Boy George (who seemed to do every charity single of the era, including Ferry Aid), Peter Cox from Go West, Hazel O'Connor, Grace Kennedy, forgotten 80s duo Dollar, and Noddy Holder from Slade. The chorus included one-hit wonders Jimmy Nail and Hollywood Beyond, the metal band Uriah Heep, 1970s popsters Showaddywaddy, Andy Scott of The Sweet, and Hot Chocolate.

And - like on Ferry Aid earlier in the year - the chorus featured anyone who was able to get to the studio. Folk from EastEnders, hitmakers from Spitting Image, The Rent Party, some stars of Grange Hill, Caron Keating made a film for Blue Peter, Shriekback, Roland Rat Superstar, Andy Crane and Simon Potter from CBBC's Broom Cupboard. All of them able to plug the single to their viewers / listeners / fans. And there was Lisa Maxwell, Michael Croft, Dave Joyner, Terry Rice-Milton, Tracey Wilson, Jodie Wilson, Patricia Conti, the Cantabile choir, the Housemaster Boyz, Jenny Day, Kevin O'Dowd, and "many more".

And there were Bonnie Langford and Sylvester McCoy from television's Doctor Who. They'd been invited by Keff McCulloch, as he'd written some of the incidental music for the recent series. Is there more Bonnie Langford in the video than her vocal contribution merits? Yes. Does it help to sell the single to casual buyers? Also yes.

At this distance, we forget that Bonnie Langford was simultaneously a Famous Person With Lots Of Fans, and Insufferably Uncool Because She'd Played An Irritating Girl On Telly Who Screamed And Screamed Till She Was Sick. Bonnie’s time on Doctor Who hadn't fully rehabilitated her, she'd only been in it for five minutes and we were all waiting for the way-cool Ace anyway. GOSH wasn't going to sell its record to those who thought Bonnie was uncool. It was for the mums and grannies, theatreland and luvviedom, and it hit the mark.

And that is why Bonnie Langford was on Top of the Pops. Up next, the new single from Terence “Trent” D’Arby.