#it's ranting on the hellsite time of night

[becaexists]

Me: no I'm totally fine what makes you think somethings wrong?

Also me but the more logical bit: we binge watched a ton of old nyxrising vlogs and Julian's talk about gender identity because our parents are being mean about our gender, neurodivergency and the fact we don't have a job so we're distracting ourself with the fantasy of having a queer family that actually loves us for us, not what we can pretend to be or how quickly we can be independent

Me: oh

[average-jedtavius-enjoyer]

Two years ago today, I watched night at the museum for the first time! Have the sillies to celebrate!

-small rant under the cut-

Honestly, these films have brought such an indescribable light to my life, and (as silly as it sounds) helped me through some very tough times over the past 24 months, I cannot believe it has been 2 years of me indulging myself with these silly little guys!

About a year after watching the first movie, I also began this blog! and have since enjoyed my year engaging in and sharing my art with this wonderful community. Unfortunately, I missed making a post celebrating one year on this hellsite in September - so consider this as that as well!

(I'm so sorry the lines of this piece are a bit shaky an disjointed, I drew this with a minor hand injury that made it hard for me to hold a pen but I still wanted to make something small 😭)

[platypusplayhere]

Thank you @dangerliesbeforeyou for tagging me, im mentioning all kinds of media bc I love to rant, I have a lot of love in my heart and I have trouble choosing just 8: (im making this on mobile hope it's readable).

Howl's moving castle (2004)

My first experience of gender envy, gender fascination, gender emulation for Howl, at a time I didn't even know that gender was a thing because I was like idek 7 years old.

Kiss of the rabbit god (2019)

A short movie, stumbled onto it bc of Tumblr. You honour, I simply love it.

Shrek (2001)

I'm not being ironic I'm very serious about this one. My mom used to braid my hair weekly when I was little and I constantly played this one, I know it by heart and I'm not joking. I freaking love this movie. Same goes for Mulan, Beauty and the beast, Charlie and the chocolate factory, and the whole Shrek franchise up to the 3rd one. (Gotta watch Puss in boots 1 and 2 tho.)

V for vendetta (2005)

This is a shout-out to 14 years old me who might have at some point based their personality around this movie or maybe they didn't, who's to say. I'm not sorry. Kinda still like it tho.

Corpse bride (2005)

There is an independent cinema in my hometown and they did run it often over the years. Bestie I don't know how many times I went to see this movie with my mother as a child. Recently learned about the Jewish origins of this myth and im a lil upset about the stolen storyline without the context. But some will say it's a Burton movie and they're right.

Valentine's day (2011)

First movie I went to see alone with my friends, I was like 12yo. Rewatched it again like 2 years ago, yeah it ain't that great but it's the memories right.

Father and soldiers (2022)

The last movie that made me cry. I hate war movies but my friends convinced me to go because it was less than 2 hours and I've been mad at movies being more than two and a half hours lately (looking at u House of Gucci, Doctor Strange 2) yeah, I cried my eyes out. It's not a perfect movie but the message is great and very moving. I don't like the English title because the original/French title directly refers the name of a group of African soldier recruited by France in its colonies during WWI -> "Les Tirailleurs" (if I remember well, the soldiers were recruited in every colonies but they left Africa from the Senegal and so all these soldiers are referred as Senegalese regardless of their actual origins). The English title is more fitting thematically wise I'll give you that.

Fulmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009)

Knew about it, was recommended by a dear mutual of mine on this very hellsite and yeah, ppl keep saying it's good because it just is.

I told sunset about you/ I promised you the moon (2020-2021)

If you read my tags u know how I rant about this show often. Watched it 2 years ago thanks to someone i follow on Tumblr (but im not really sure who it was anyway if you're a mutual thank you sm). My first foray into BL (back when I didn't even know what it was) and I couldn't be happier that I started with this. I don't have enough words to praise it. (currently writing a post about it tho, stay tuned for whenever I get around to finish it (tell me if u wanna know when it's up), big up to Bad Buddy and To My Star too)

Honoured mentions bc I started making a list and had more than 8 and couldn't not mention them:

Other movies: O'brother, Love and Leashes, God's own country, Jackie Brown, The big lebowsky (idek if I like this movie but I needed something to base my personality around when I was 15yo)

The book The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, I'm gonna keep my rant about how the English title is a misunderstanding of the book locked and not even start it.

Alice isn't dead and The Magnus archives (although they're podcasts and I haven't quite finished them, the first seasons are exquisite)

Welcome to Night Vale, I have a lot of episodes to catch up on (currently working on that) started listening like in 2016 then stopped around idek 2 years ago. Some of these episodes are masterpieces ( some I know by heart: Guidelines for disposal, Love is a shambling thing, What happened at the Smithwick House, If he had lived, and The Pilot ofc)

the ballet Swan Lake (1995, 2012) by Matthew Bourne. I don't have enough words. I'll just say it's on youtube.

.....and many more im not think abt rn

*acts surprised* this became a real long post, real quick

(That's why I take a lot of time to answer those lmao, shout out and thank you to the ppl who tag me in these and then I take a lot of time to answer)

Tagging these people and anyone who wants to do it can mention me: @sherlockig @dontbesoevil @lordmeowdemort @namelessbeing @hairbackc0llarup @comrademichael @johnlockdynamic @lovelywickedsoul @frenchsiren

[averysmolbear]

Hi. I’m in a shitty mood so I’m just going to drop a little rant about assholes on this hellsite because I’m tired of seeing people I follow and especially people who are my mutuals dealing with these things. So if you don’t like rants, look away. And especially look away if you don’t like swearing because I’m about to drop a bit of that in what I have to say. And I’ll even place it behind a “read more” for everyone.

So do people just really not have hobbies anymore? Or is going around sending anon hate and other anon fuckery to people (especially POCs) their hobby? Is going around reporting people’s fics, even when they’re properly tagged or even when they’re not even “mature” the latest thing? Because the amount of times I have seen assholes clearly leaving shit for people on anon (and I’m sure the people I follow and my moots don’t even respond to most of that hate) seems to be getting worse. Add to it the reporting of fics and I just have to question why.

Are there people who are that bored that this is what they want to do with their days? Just sprinkling fuckery around to ruin someone else’s day? When I have a bad day, I want to run around and send lovely messages to the people I appreciate around here. I just cannot comprehend why people act like this.

Scroll past things you don’t want to see. Block tags that you don’t want to see. Block people that you don’t want to see. And maybe actually be fucking kind to others for once.

Okay, well, here’s a cute dog gif to make up for my ranting. 😊 I hope everyone has a wonderful day/night/whatever.

[thewhitefluffyhat]

Thoughts on Gideon the Ninth

This post isn’t an analysis or even truly a review. It’s more like a loose collection of thoroughly subjective opinions on random aspects of the book. It exists mostly to provide context on any other posts I make.

But it also exists because I can never get enough of reading about other people’s experiences with fiction I enjoy, so it felt right to contribute my own post in return. :)

My first exposure to this series was definitely through tumblr. I came in already familiar with the whole “lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space” description, and it felt like half the people I followed on this hellsite were into the series. (Since reading the books and being able to recognize the characters more, I’ve found that the true amount is closer to 3/4, heh.)

Other vague details about this series I’d absorbed through General Tumblr Osmosis: I knew the main protagonist was a badass lesbian with a Cool Sword (nice), I knew there was some kind of enemies-to-lovers-ish arc (awesome, my fave dynamic), I knew there was someone named Ianthe who had a skeleton arm and was the Worst (rad, couldn’t wait to meet her), and also something something homebrew lobotomy in the second book(what???)? It all added up to quite the intriguing picture!

I then bought GtN as a Christmas present for myself last December. After having a very disappointing (and frustratingly queerbait-y) experience in my last fandom, I was feeling burnt out and extremely cynical. I’d said at that time that it’s foolish to trust writers who aren’t queer to do justice by queer characters… meaning, it was long past time I got around to reading a bunch of queer books by queer authors that I’d seen widely recommended but had passed on because I majored in Anime Nerd.

As it happened, I started reading the book one random Friday afternoon sometime during the holidays. 

I then proceeded to not put it down until literally 9 a.m. the following morning.

Now, to be fair, reading through the night and past sunrise isn’t super uncommon for me, but it doesn’t just happen for anything. (This also meant I got to the real juicy horror bits at like 4 a.m., an experience I can highly recommend.)

And after I finished the book… I took a deep breath, went to bed, and spent the next afternoon ranting to my little brother as I tried to iron out some rather mixed thoughts!

Things I took a while to warm up to:

-I know lots of people love Gideon as a narrator and protagonist - and very deservedly so, since sympathetic yet unapologetically butch protagonists like her are so woefully rare! - but she actually didn’t click with me at first, haha.

-As a sex-averse-ish ace, and as someone whose prior experiences with horny protagonists in published fiction has mostly been of the Gross Anime Dude variety, I absolutely did not know what to make of Gideon’s very openly lesbian brain. I kept expecting her to turn around and slap me in the face by abruptly becoming an unlikeable creep (see: Keiichi, Battler). 

And then she… didn’t? What? A horny protagonist that didn’t make me want to stab my eyes out? Even after I finished the book, I was struggling to wrap my head around that aspect of her. (Even now, I’m still not sure I can put my finger on what makes her so different from an Awful Anime Dude - but I suspect it’s in the way that Gideon is so kind and genuinely respectful of other people’s boundaries. No random humiliation-as-titillation jokes here!)

-Meanwhile another thing I had a hard time with was - and this will sound exceptionally silly - oh boy I am so very much not an athlete and I love magic and magic worldbuilding. So for me, a significant part of the book was mentally wanting to shake Gideon and yell at her to Pay Attention to the Necromancy Dammit! It’s cool and interesting and I wanna to know more, sure your swords are nice but I don’t care about swords that much! XD

-And, perhaps most oddly: I did not know what to make of the main relationship arc. Because - especially at the start - Gideon and Harrow’s relationship was a lot more fraught and unequal than I was expecting. I also tend to take characters at face value about how they say they feel (until proved otherwise) - so initially, I completely believed Gideon when she narrates about how all she wants is to leave the Ninth and for Harrow to die in a fire. Which then made scenes like where she goes to save Harrow from dying in a bone cocoon seem like a very abrupt and confusing reversal, haha.

It all added up to something that didn’t quite feel like a typical enemies-to-lovers. Like it was something else that felt weirdly familiar and just on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t remember what it was…

And then after I finished the book I learned that the author was a former Homestuck and OH. They were each others’ KISMESIS! Suddenly all the pieces fell perfectly into place and I was all EXCELLENT YES GOOD CARRY ON.

-(Tangent: my experience with Homestuck is that I encountered and read through it during the Act 6 hiatus while I was on break during college. I thought it was decently interesting, enough that I stuck around to read a few fanfics afterward. Then I just moved onto other things. And nothing I’ve heard about the author or the rest of the story has really made me want to go back and finish it. *shrug*

So while I’m certainly familiar with Homestuck, I am by no means an expert or even really a true fan or anything. Homestuck appears to be one of those things you either love it or hate it, and I’m a weirdo who just finds it “okay I guess.” Honestly, I’ve found it most interesting as a thing that went on to inspire other things! *cough* Undertale *cough*)

Things that are apparently controversial but didn’t bother me:

-The writing style: Gosh, I loved Muir’s style. How to even describe it? “gothic shitpost” is what I said to my brother. A swirl of lurid, almost purple prose spiked with sudden and irreverent memes that manages to be beautiful in one moment and laugh-out-loud hilarious the next.

Of course, one of my other favorite authors is Terry Pratchett, so the idea that pulpy genre works with humorous narration can also have Big Themes and invoke genuine emotion and drama didn’t come as a surprise for me in the slightest.

What maybe did surprise me a little was how… comfortable? this narrative style felt for me. I had been reading tumblr posts for years before I even made an account, and I’d been reading fanfiction even longer. So for me, the “unusual” slant of Muir’s writing wasn’t unusual at all. It was more of a slow realization of  “ahh. one of My People.”

-I’ve seen some people turned off by the way these books throw you in at the worldbuilding deep end and expect you to roll with it. But as I was reading, I didn’t even notice it, let alone register it as something to be bothered by? Diving in headfirst and learning the LoreTM as I go along is how I approach a lot of things, heh. Did I know the meaning of all the anatomy terms being tossed around? Hell no, but as long as I could make a decent assumption from context, that was fine by me!

(Not knowing much anatomy does, however, mean that writing fanfic for this series is going to be… just a little intimidating. eep. ^^;)

-The elephant impaled on a fence post in the room: Gideon’s death. So fair’s fair, I sure do love me some Angst and Suffering (see also: everything else on this blog). However, had I read the book on release, then the blatant Bury Your Gays might have made me more pessimistic and nervous (especially after those previously mentioned bad experiences…). But luckily I didn’t do that. I went into this book with the knowledge that the series continued and people were still raving about it. So I was willing to extend the author a tiny bit of trust.

Plus, of course, there was all the necromancy! Bury Your Gays, meet a very determined girl with a magic shovel. (See also: Madoka Magica Rebellion, which may merit a whole comparison post… but that’s for HtN and another time.)

-So yeah. I finished Gideon the Ninth, poured out all my jumbled feels and confusion to my little brother… and then put the series aside. Like, sure, I quite enjoyed it, and the writing/worldbuilding was so good that I was interested to read more eventually. But I wasn’t, like, obsessed or frothing at the mouth to read the sequel. I very rarely buy books for myself these days, and I had other things I was doing at the time. Like still attempting to write my Higurashi fanfic… :,)

Next time: Harrow the Ninth

[sundayinthcpark]

okay ik twitter is a hellsite (derogatory) rather than this hellsite (affectionate) but also i made a lot of friends on twitter and it’s one of the easiest apps for me to just say whatever and i’m sure we’re all just being dramatic but also what the hell am i supposed to do if it shuts down. what about my threads of the best fanfics i’ve ever read. what about my little art updates that i only let a couple people on my priv see because i hate my art. what about #blueheartsforflarke 💙 or seeing rachel zegler talk to vee and fran and getting excited. posting on my incorrect quotes accounts and seeing brick retweet every one of them. being ‘miller’s #1 fan’ to match his ‘gal’s #1 fan.’ what about all the time i spend making cute layouts and putting fun quotes in my bio. what about snek and celio and stephen yelling about ironstrange to me. no one talks to me on this hellsite (which tbh i’m kinda okay with it’s sometimes nice just talking into the void) but i have friends on twitter. ann and miller and brick and celio and snek and stephen and dorian. and definitely some other people. but like. the point is i don’t know how to not be on twitter anymore and if i have to i might cry. like that’s where i met annie and froot and zayna and leah too, that’s where i ranted about the fucking west wing and spider-man and kingsman and madam secretary and the 100. pls, that’s how i fucking fell in love with my best friend, was because of twitter. without that stupid hellsite the two of us wouldn’t be best friends. which is wild. anyway. having an existential crisis on my way to the airport how’s your night going?

[binch-i-might-be]

IM GONNA CRY I TYPED AN ENTIRE ASK ABOUT THIS BEFORE AND TUMBLR FUCKED UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT MY BRAIN IS A FUCKING WAR ZONE RIGHT NOW WITH NEURONS SCREAMING AND WHIZZING YOU THINK I CAN ARTICULATE MY MIND ENOUGH TO DO THIS AGAIN???

No but I will ❤️

Okay so I've been thinking™ about the reincarnation au particularly about the one where gwash kills John (fun I know). My brain has been hyperfixating and I've been crying. Serotonin who? Haven't seen that bitch in a month 🥰🥰

So I do need time to properly articulate my thoughts but here's some shit I have so far

Alex practically lives with John for a while after finding him because he needs time to process all this and figure out how to face everything at home

John calling Alex "darling" softly while absolutely clinging to him and Alex almost sobbing and saying "do that again. Call me darling again"

They're all over each other's social medias (also applies for normal reincarnation au. I have some specific posts in mind but will need time to properly think about them and explore them)

God the dynamic between Alex and Gwash is so fucking complicated and so interesting and something I want to explore when my head isn't fucking pounding.

Alex has a Tumblr (fight me on this) and Patsy and Jacky absolutely hunt it down because he's been posting about John and following each and every update and they're just happy for him while they also miss him. They keep Martha and George updated on him from time to time too because they are worried. Not a lot, just that he's alive and fine.

Alex has Trauma from all that and like eventually he's not like in the same place as John for the night (I don't know how to phrase this arghhhh. Does he go back? Where is he? No clue) and he has a nightmare about losing John all over again and straight up panicking. The nightmares aren't unusual ofc it's just they were there for each other during the others. Now Alex is like panic™ and he calls John in the middle of the night and they both fall asleep on the call

John cannot be in the same room as Gwash without sort of freaking out at first.

Okay good night I'm very tired ❤️ (so sorry for this oof)

OH NO 😭 HELLSITE OUR BELOATHED

what a wonderful thing to fixate on /j but yeah I get that! we are nearing the anniversary of me writing bud bloom wither and I mean I was basically fixating on an au about a dead baby for a month straight lmao

ok ok hrhskdhfjf let's go gays

yeah absolutely. he can't be home right now, and he ESPECIALLY can't be away from John right now

OUCH. ALSO YES

yeah!!!! they're annoyingly in love and both of them will just post random pics of the other because like. look??? at their boyfriend??? look how pretty?? b o y f r i e n d (omg feel free to share once you're ready!!)

hhhh yeah it's. fucked. it's fucked! because that's his dad and he loves his dad but 200 years ago he took the most important thing in Alex's life from him. he thinks he can understand why he did it; he wanted to protect him, he always just wanted to protect him, but this is unforgivable. they aren't the same people as they were back then, but still. how is he supposed to move past this. he can't force his boyfriend to make nice with the man who murdered him. he won't.

no you're correct, of course he does! I think Patsy probably already follows him, but she won't give Jack the url until she's entirely certain he's on their side. they're just looking at his incoherent shitposting broken up by rants about how much he loves his boyfriend and going "yeah he's definitely alive" to their parents lmao

awww baby :( baby boy :( maybe they go on facetime and John looks all soft and sleepy and it calms Alex down immediately. meanwhile John wishes he could reach out and wipe Alex's tears :((

understandable! he probably tries to be chill because on some level he doesn't want to admit that he's affected by this, but. no no he cannot be in a room with gwash, he can't.

ahhh get well soon!!!! <33

[thegoodceai]

Five players wow! Thats a lot to convert to the "Devil's Game" I love that, congrats! From the handful of games I've gotten to play, I've flipped back and forth between using content that I've made for Stories and using the things that happened to place in the Stories; have you gotten to flesh out more of your fantasy adventure through dnd or vice versa?

Yesss, IF so goood. I'm definitely gonna check out those, I've had Project Hadea cross my dash a couple of times but as always know Of things not what they're about, but if u like em I definitely gotta check em out ^-^. The Passenger was a surprise hit for me, I personally suck at replaying for multiple endings/routes but that one I definitely wanna.

Ayyo! Nice! Even if nothings out yet, I still know it takes a lot of effort and ye is hard to even work up the confidence to put it out there, so I'm proud of you! I can't wait! If nothing else you'll have at least one fan, and it's always good even if you're just making it for yourself <3. Woulddd/have you considered making it an IF or do you have a more 'linear' story in mind?

Oooo nioce! I've saved scummed, and crash and stuck in sidestep is Rough, omg the good/bad angst lol. I've played twice but keep being 'too bad' for folks to want to bust sidestep out lul. I loveee reluctant villains, they're so good. I'm a big fan of playing sidestep as 'fated' but reluctant, like feels they can't stop but wants someone (cough ortega) to stop them. I've tiptoed into the fully evil sidestep, it's veryyyy rough but if you love angst I highly recommend, oh jeez just the reactions.

I feel u lol. We tend to name pets along with food names, but the hilarity of a Cat named like Kevin is just too great. Clementine is a beautiful name and a dumb orange cat would be grateful to have it lol.

Ahh fair enough. It sounds like it was a good series for the time, at the very least a good stepping stone and formative! I'm interested to see how much that might be reflected in your own writing. At the very least, thank you for sharing how important it is/was to you <3 :))).

Again thank yew for answering my questions and replying to all my paragraphs with paragraphs lol

asdfaf yeah, i love my friends to death but they are Chaotic players. it's been a journey. if nothing else, i've learned quite a bit of improv, and fleshing out our homebrew setting helped me organize my writing quite a bit (especially my outlines). for the most part, i try to keep stuff separate tho, even if sometimes some things bleed over (like, NPC traits, or city structures or stuff like that), but the stories are completely different in both the general setting, and the vibes.

Project Hadea just updated and i read it last night and. god. so good. definitely check it out.

it started out as a linear story, and mostly for fun, but the more i added to it, the more other possible outcomes and scenarios started to make themselves known and. i am kinda considering making it into IF format. idk yet, i am waiting to have it more fleshed out (like, actually written, not just outlines and bulletpoints and scenes that aren't yet tied to each other)

aaaah the good angst. i will definitely play an evil route with sidestep. hopefully soon, i started replaying Baldur's Gate again and the Hyperfixation is. very strong.

unfortunately naming pets with human names seems to start to be a tradition with my friends. we already have a cat in the group named Mike (he truly is the definition of no thoughts, head empty. i love my furry nephew so much). some other friends recently rescued a stray kitty and named her Maia (which we all know several people with that name). the other pets that are relatively close to the group are either named after food, or have very literal cat and dog names (my aunt got a cat and she named him Motan. which is just "male cat" in romanian. truly like naming your cat Cat)

thank u for being so indulging lol <3 it's been fun to rant with someone on this hellsite again 🖤🖤🖤

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 192

Heaven Can’t Wait/The Bells of Saint John

“Heaven Can’t Wait”

Plot Description: Dean and Castiel investigate a series of spontaneous human combustions, while Crowley helps Sam and Kevin translate an ancient tablet

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: idk what that dude’s whole thing is, but…I don’t think I could stop him if he wanted to explode me

Cas studying and imitating human behavior is adorable. You are CORRECT, miss manager lady, he IS special!! 💖

GWORL. I know you got a crush but holy shit. Wait…no. She…might not? The kiss was confusing but I think she actually wants Cas to babysit for a date she’s going on

Why are the splattered remains Barbie pink??

GWORL (Dean), you didn’t just wanna bail on research. You wanted to see your boyfriend

Well, damn, if an angel came and exploded me any time I exaggeratedly said I wanna die?? Yikes.

I’m sorry. Dean. You don’t get to be like this about Cas’s situation when you kicked him out of the bunker…

I can’t believe Sam is actively manipulating Crowley….yeah.

Dean, you get NO SAY in what Castiel is going through unless you take him back to the bunker. He is doing his best with what little people skills he has. He is content right now

Yeah. He’s being called in to babysit

He has responsibilities, DEAN. Like cleaning the restroom

Can you spit out why it’s so bad BEFORE what would be a commercial break? No? Cool.

Omg…Dean telling Cas how to dress for this (not-a-)date

It’s gonna hurt to watch Cas get shut down……..at least Dean won’t be there to watch exactly…

Don’t worry, Cas, it WAS a confusing proposition. I get she was excited for her date, but she shouldn’t have kissed you.

It’s sick and twisted that Crowley wants to use Kevin’s blood to call Abaddon. He should not have to go through this…

Castiel is adorably bad with this baby. He’s TRYING but like………oh. No. He’s not bad with her, she really likes him. I…this is so cute. He can weirdly relate so much to being new to being a human.

No no nonononoooooo. The angel who’s been exploding people found Cas by the amount of emotional pain he’s in

Omg Abaddon is so hot

Literally could not care less if everything she does gets labeled wrong by the story. Don’t care that Crowley gets mad that she’s invalidating his contracts and that she’s screwing up hell. She can do whatever she wants

Bets on whether Metatron’s spell being permanent:

1) actually IS permanent, and

2) is a thing Dean tells Cas RIGHT NOW instead of keeping it a secret?

Do you have a crush on him NOW, miss manager lady???

Yeah. Kinda knew Dean wasn’t gonna be the MOST upfront

Hmmm…I’m betting this isn’t a “I want to FEEL human again” blood injection. It’s probably a “if I’m human again I can escape this bunker” one

“The Bells of Saint John”

Plot Description: The Doctor’s search for Clara Oswald brings him to modern day London

(There’s a lot to hate about the Big Bang Theory but I will never fault the show for pointing out that, though the Doctor has access to all of space and time, he sure does like modern day London (or sometimes Wales) a whole lot)

Oh yOuR sOuL’s BeEn UpLoAdEd To ThE iNtErNeT?? Kay…what else is new?? And why are you clicking on weird wifi networks? Did no one teach you anything?? And like…SO MANY people did that

This episode is making me so angry…just as someone who spent most of their day with our IT department trying to get them to take me seriously about my persistent internet issues. Yes, the internet SHOULD JUST BE THERE. I wish I knew why it isn’t but I am also not an IT specialist. (I could spend the next hour ranting about how I cried on the phone because I couldn’t get them to do anything beyond basic troubleshooting and then the second it was back for even a moment they were like ‘well, now I can’t escalate it because it’s back. If it happens again, call back’ even though that WAS a call back because I’d had the same issue the night before…..but I do need to actually watch this episode)

Ah, damn, Clara, you clicked the wrong WiFi……

Ugh…they’re doing it again. They’re too much alike. Not to rush Matt’s time but I need it to be Peter Capaldi now.

These people remind me too much of Naomi and her reign over heaven in spn

Bestie, RUN.

Maybe if the Doctor had gotten a tonsure, he’d think monks are cool

I do like the little flair the bottom of the Doctor’s jacket has now. It’s a twirly jacket

Ohhhhhh there really isn’t anything like a freshly opened package of jammy dodgers though

This is framed in a way that’s supposed to be cute and because it’s the Doctor, WE know she’s actually safe but if a strange man broke into my home after something happened to me, carried me to my bed, laid out snacks, took all my messages for me (including interacting with people close to me), and then told me NOW I was safe…I would not think I was safe. Also, the music is rather romcom-y and that’s weird because he’s several hundred years older than her

“I can’t tell the future, I just work there” is a really good line though

Ok no. This is creepy af. People should not be hackable

Is…the great intelligence behind this?? The bad guy from the last episode?

Oh these people are going to regret taking the Doctor’s likeness to get to Clara

I miss when the Doctor was a little less of an action hero. He shouldn’t be allowed to ride a motorcycle up the side of a building

I was RIGHT?? The Great Intelligence was behind it?? HOW LONG WAS HE KEEPING THAT WOMAN HOSTAGE?? HOW LONG HAD SHE BEEN HACKED?? She sounded like a little kid when she came to

[thespacedragons]

(Rant warning- I need to process my emotions, and hey, why not do it on the hellsite?)

Something I hate is that I have a lot of behaviors that would make you think I was physically abused as a child (ex. startling at loud noises or sudden touch) but I wasn't ever physically abused, I wasn't even really emotionally abused, just constantly gaslit and manipulated into doing my mother's version of 'right'. I wanted so badly to be the 'good child' that I let myself believe that my mother's version of right was right, and I never bothered to look for anything else. I couldn't even say how much of my childhood was me thinking and how much of it was me wondering what I should do as the 'good child', the one who never got in trouble with teachers, who respected(feared a bit too) authority, who was so quiet and so so good, no personality really beyond being kind and nice and obedient. I should have climbed more trees, I should have made a few more reckless decisions, I should have gotten to know myself a little bit sooner, but I didn't, and I am who I am today because of it. I may regret it but I wouldn't change it. What I hate most about it is that I can't point at something my mom did and go, "This is what fucked me up. This right here." I could try, but it would be something so stupid and little that it seems essentially pointless, but all those little moments are what fucked me up.

Now it's so hard to speak up for myself, it's so hard to tell someone no, it's so hard to make phone calls, to talk to people in positions I perceive as authoritative. It's so hard to live as a human, all because as a child I wanted to be good. Quiet was good. Not having wants was good. Not having needs was good. Not having questions about simple things was good. Knowing big words that are useless and sometimes a hindrance in everyday conversations was good. As an adult it's different. Being quiet can be good, but I didn't learn how to communicate, and that's bad. I can buy my own wants, I lack the impulse control I might have had, and that's bad. My needs aren't a priority for me, and that's bad, I eat not what I should not as often as I should, we're not going to talk about how hard sleep is, the only need I've really indulged is that I'm awake during the night. I fundamentally misunderstood a lot of simple things because I never asked for clarification, I don't know a lot of things because my ignorance, my innocence, was considered good, it was praised and bragged of by my friends and family, and now I don't know things I should. My vocabulary is expansive, which is a good thing, but you spend too long trying to impress people you know and eventually you just incorporate the larger words into your natural speech pattern, and then you have to reword something you said three times so the person you're talking to can actually understand. Things that used to be good aren't so much anymore.

I know I'm fucked up because I have the scars, I don't remember where most of the scars came from, and most of them are small and almost invisible, but that doesn't mean they don't cover my body. That doesn't mean I can't still feel the bumps they left and remember the pain of getting them, even though I can't always remember how. That doesn't mean they don't affect my every interaction and color my every thought. I am who I am and I don't know who I'd be without them, but I do hope there is a me in some alternate reality that isn't scarred, that is something different and beautiful, but that wouldn't be me, and I know that, but that doesn't mean I can't regret the scars.

I am me and I wouldn't change that, but that doesn't mean I can't wonder and yearn for what might have been.

[gentleoverdrive]

(241/?) Those constant moves!

Thanks to the goofy business going around in this hellsite (affectionate) wrt Martin Scorcese's non-existent yet somehow more relevant-than-ever companion piece to Mean Streets that shall go unnamed, I decided to watch 3 movies yesterday, which was my extra day off work. And, like, can we stop pretending Aaron Sorkin is a good TV/Movie writer and not just a has-been that has stagnated for the better part of his career? ---- The first two movies were fun as can be: - Mean Streets, a legit fun and fairly re-watchable flick if you ever get in the mood for old crime dramas that aren't marred down by pointless (and let's be honest, sometimes harmful) nostalgia. - The Princess Bride, which remains a phenomenal, (mostly) lighthearted romp for the ages. ---- Again, both movies accomplish what they're out to do and are hella entertaining, even after all these years. For the third movie, my brother-in-law picked The Social Network and let me come forward for a moment: I used to like the way Aaron Sorkin wrote when I was younger, but damn does his writing age out terribly. Like worse than milk going spoiled. He's like Charles Bukowski, but without the transgressive charm that's at least occasionally fun on a re-read. ____ (From here on I'll basically ranting against Aaron Sorkin's writing style. if mildly irate, unnecessarily foul-mouthed tirades are not your thing, I absolutely understand and deeply apologize. I'll post something far more agreeable tomorrow. Feel free to skip this one.)

---- Like sure, I know that making an interesting movie about Mark Zuckerberg + the creation of facebook was a tall order as it were already, and in that aspect, Sorkin absolutely delivered because some things about the film are actually attention-grabbing, but goddamn, his dialogue is still as stilted and house-of-cards-esque as ever. ---- And like, it's fine, you don't need to write dialogue like everyone else, dialogue that feels natural or what-have-you, it'd be boring if everyone sounded the same. But holy shit, it feels like I'm watching Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield et al and they're taking turns RP'ing as different aspects of Aaron Sorkin's psyche. ---- How has he remained a staple of television and cinema for 30 fucking years and the dude hasn't learned to write fun dialogue for either medium? It legit baffles more than a little bit. Like yes, I get that he started as a playwright, and it absolutely shows on his early films like A Few Good Men, Malice and the American President; the beat of a theater play is there. It's janky, but for those films, it absolutely works. The same mostly goes for his first TV series, Sports Night. ---- But holy fuck, I remember when I had to watch the West Wing with a couple of bosses to kill the time back in the 00's. Like the "walk and talk" schtick does a good job of concealing it, and the actors sell you on the dialogue well enough sometimes with their delivery (Allison Janney was, bar none, the best actor in the show), but holy shit was the West Wing consistently fucking terrible. ---- Anyway, my recommendation? Skip the Social Network and just buy the soundtrack, because not even with all the incredible talent on set and behind cameras (David Fincher directing, Jeff Cronenweth as cinematographer and Trent Reznor + Atticus Ross doing the soundtrack) does this thing elevate beyond mediocre, and it only further proves that Holywood will just never stop huffing its own farts until it's too late to correct course. Have yourselves a good night and read you later, alligator!

[nyomkitten]

writing warmup 2022.10.13

Write about a time you felt happy.

not to be a pessimistic zillenial (am i using that word correctly?) but information flows have become so heavy and constant that moments of “happiness” are quickly overwhelmed by other feelings.

it’s not just social media; but social media app design has mal-influenced the way we consume any kind of information. see: news websites structuring their articles and content around what might get or is getting the most eyeballs and shares. (content! another word i hate!)

here’s a thought that i had earlier, just before i attempted this writing exercise in order to get back into the pre-lunch panic-induced flow state i had going while writing some soulless empty content for work. but i saw this ad

and thought about how empty-headed and meaningless marketing/managerial (the cult, as in disconnected from product and worshipped for its own sake) jargon is. (see: this excellent scene from 30 Rock.) and how, because of the ✨ attention economy ✨, normal everyday conversation has long become bastardised into the new empty-headed jargon.

anyway. why i went on this rant (way to interpret the prompt, lol) is because these are the two times that came to mind:

1: last night at 3:30 am, having woken up from a quick tiny (not disturbing) nightmare, i remembered some Interview With The Vampire (2022) gifs i saw on here and spent some time looking at all the peer-reviewed Horny Moments these hellsite (affectionate) users have kindly curated. and then, as i do for all the shows that Look Interesting But I Know I’m Not Going To Watch, i looked at the Wikipedia page for the show and for the Anne Rice novels (TIL there are so many, i didn’t know much about her other than her very anti-fanworks attitude, which i also learned about from Tumblr).

2: today, when i went downstairs for lunch, and was logged in to [one of] dad’s bible studies and enjoying it, and opened Tumblr because of my lizard brain, and saw these gifs again, and experienced a very different sort of intense emotion (“hnnng, gif—oh shit i’m supposed to be thinking of something else”), and was unhappy at the fact of information overwhelm.

3: adding, because this one happened when i was writing this. during my foray into finding that 30 Rock clip, i watched a bunch of other recommended clips, and remembered Putta recommending this to me, and generally admired how good a show this is (and because it actually has heart, i think i’ll try watching it again).

but do you see my point? all these examples are heavily internet-mediated, and heavily fleeting. and having acknowledged that these are arguably among the least harmful ways to be online (Tumblr and YouTube on incognito, or with your history turned off), they’re still algorithm-dependent. it’s still the internet.

[the-mad-traveler-max]

☆ HELLO AND WELCOME

TO THE CHAOS -》------> ☆

hi this is my first post on my brand new tumblr blog!!! (I've been needing to get a bit more organized with my sideblogs so this is sort of my first attempt at doing that)

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if you will follow me into this next room *gestures at a door that has just appeared on the (metaphorical) wall (that is this page)*

so im not too sure what I have set in plans for this blog quite yet but I really want to use this to put all of my random thoughts or funny-hahahas-whatever stuff lol but I hope whoever else (besides me!) enjoys whatever the heck I put on this glorious hellsite that is tumblr dot com.

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heads up, a fair bit of my content is definitely going to be at least pg-13/swear words/dark humor etc. no idea what im gonna create. but im not going to limit myself because someone let a kid get on this website and saw me write "fuck" on a post online. thats all!! :)

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I draw sometimes, I rant other times, I do wierd shit all day and all night (even my grandma calls me a wierdo af lmaoo) but its never n o t going to be unsettling, strange, wierd, uncomfy, and overall just plain ol CONFUSING. idk. I make what i make and I don't really give a shit if thats not what you like; I like it, that's all that matters to me.

I think its funny when peeps online try to force others to stfu because they don't like a character or how someone creates a piece of media-like shut up dude lol

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tldr welcome to the chaos that is my new blog ;)

[itstheelvenjedi]

a vent post, do not reblog or clown.

[duckymcdoorknob]

I’m sorry.

But I have to get this off my chest.

It’s put me in such a bad depression that I can’t do basic things anymore.

Even doing comforting things doesn’t work for me.

I just have to do my Gov that’s due at midnight then I’m leaving to come here all night.

I don’t want to sleep. I want time to feel better.

CW BELOW!!! Bulimia, Ed talk, Ed rant, wacky shit.

My best friend of eight years outed my eating disorder at lunch today.

So basically she was trying to be helpful. She offered me pocky sticks and just said “here.”

And pockys are #1 gross to me since I developed it, and #2 the worst thing I could’ve possibly had in the moment. They’re pure sugar and processed and kinda yucky.

So I said no with a disgusted face.

She proceeded to shake them at me and said quite loudly “eat them since you don’t have anything for lunch again.”

And another one of my homies, who knows, was like “you don’t have anything for lunch?? 🥺”

Before I could reply with “oh I just forgot it in the car” . she even louder said “Nope. She never has anything for lunch ever and she won’t have any energy.”

Everyone at the table perked up and listened as she berated me about how I wouldn’t have anything to eat until 4:00 at night. And how I “literally come to lunch every single day without a single thing to eat”

(As if that isn’t what I do every fucking day)

So guilt tripping me is her best solution to something I can’t control??

It wouldn’t have bothered me as much if it was just all the close homies at the table, but it wasn’t.

We had 3 new people sitting at our table that day, and the other tables were in close enough vicinity to us to hear her.

I mean she was loud. She was almost yelling at me.

Anyone with their fucking ears tuned into the world could’ve heard it.

So that’s up to 10+ more people who could know now.

Shit actually it’s probably closer to 15 and I think my dean of students was walking by our table.

So my hellsite paradise may be short lived if he finds out and tells guidance. Bc guidance knowing is a 1 way ticket to the funny farm.

It put me in such a god awful mood that I couldn’t do anything but come home and sleep.

I tried to watch an episode of Big Windup, something that has always INSTANTLY lightened my mood.

Nothing.

I don’t feel sad, not hurt, not betrayed, not angry.

I haven’t cried, doesn’t seem like I will.

I just feel fucking numb.

Empty

Stoic.

I could’ve gone to bed for the night at 4:30

Easily

It felt fine that I hadn’t had anything to eat all day.

It felt good

It felt great to know that I was taking the steps I could to lose weight.

(To answer your questions, yes. I’ve had dinner today. Pizza and a banaenae 🥸)

It felt amazing.

Knowing I was on the road to be small.

On the road to get rid of my mom’s off handed comments.

But the thing is? She knows it’s a disorder.

I’ve told her that I most likely have bulimia nervosa. I’ve been on a binge and restrict cycle since October.

The silly goofy thing also: I think she thinks I’m doing it for attention or something.

It’s not my fucking decision [Redacted], I’m sick.

Why does it have to be this way?

Something that’s supposed to keep me healthy and alive is the thing I dread the most.

It’s become the worst part of my day, so I can only stand to do it once before I tap out.

The word “eat” and all forms of it make me want to cry

The word “food” or any noun that fits under that criteria makes me fucking gag.

The smell of anything warm makes me sick.

I have no safe foods, just shit I force down so I don’t fucking die or get arrhythmias.

I thought I could trust her.

She doesn’t even seem to actually care.

She never seemed to from the beginning

I don’t want to give her the silent treatment or anything because then she’s just going to black sheep me and make it my fault again.

I’m so tired of this, you guys.

Why the fuck can’t I be normal?

Remember when I was dreading going back after break? This is fucking why.

This is Ducky, signing off for a few hours.

[gustingirl]

hi nella <3

i have a fluffy little request :)

i'm not feeling too great at the minute, like i'm so emotionally drained and am in a bit of a panicky limbo. i'm currently unemployed and am trying desperately to find a job, and i'm feeling like a huge burden to my parents because, at the moment, they are my financial support (i'm only nineteen, but i feel like i should have my shit together, ya know?)

anyway, could you possibly throw something together about how jake might comfort me and help me through it?

i hope you're having a wonderful day/night

much love, stressed anon :)

p.s. i am absolutely love your blog <3 one of my favourite on this hellsite

ok seeing someone address me on the interney by name will always be a weird but beautiful experience.

i want to post this for you because this ask made my heart warm, but it'll be short, i fear

so jake comforting you:

- i truly feel he understands other people's emotions pretty well, so i can imagine him feeling your pain even if he never went through it, like it's incredible how understanding he is

- something inside me believes he would try to give you a bit of a lecture, not much attacking you, but more like letting you know with words why he believes you're not a burden

- in times where others are not positive, i see jake taking that role, so i can only imagine him saying positive things to you, as lecturing and also like random compliments, you know?

- in physical love, jake would want you to get distracted, and i can see him using his own body for it. if you're in the mood for sex, great. but if not, he would probably want you to sit down with him and do whatever as long as your mind is busy.

- though i imagine him laying down with you, taking a nap or watching a movie, i can see him wanting to play games for some reason. board games or not, like he would want to hear you laugh and so he would bring up all sorts of games to play together.

- random dates? like out of nowhere he's taking you on a hike with him, next thing you know you're going to whatever restaurant you choose, also let's visit the casino and see if we win anything, just random spontaneous adventures to get you off your head.

- his biggest mission would be to change your mind but, upon not being able to (it's a very hard mission for anybody), jake would change his mission to make you smile or laugh, both if it's possible.

- what i mostly feel with jake is that he would first let you vent, rant, cry all you want cuz he knows you need it. he would prioritize you unleashing everything that's bugging you before anything else. then, he proceeds to show you his point of view, whether you care or not, he wants you to know his opinion. finally, once all conversations have been done, it's distraction time. he's working his ass off to distract your mind as much as possible.

- little extra: he would bring josh along the way at some point, mostly to see if he could light you up a bit, but this would only happen if he sees you're not getting better or if he runs out of ideas.

i'm here for you, if you ever need anything! i hope you feel better, and i love you so much!