#it's so late but it wasn't when i made it trust me folks

[caycanteven]

I THOUGHT I POSTED BUT I GUESS ADHD SHENNANIGANS. (Was a bday present for @skelekins and I wanna show off how handsome Scar is ough)

[hispieceofcake]

Adam and the abandonment issues and the negligence of heaven

Hello hello folks, I've been thinking and searching a little lately about Adam and deep questions about his personality, and also because a person (a person who has caused me a lot of harm) came to fight with me because I like Adam and today I'm going to talk a little more about this, I hope you like it.<3

TW: Mentions of trauma,heavy subjects,negligence,profanity,and mention of sex.

Firstly, I want to address his creation, Adam the first man, the perfect creation by the hands of God, molded and sculpted in his own image, the one who would be responsible for the earth's settlement betrayed by the two woman he was forced to love because they had been created for him.

And yes, I know that Adam tried to command Lilith and try to subject her to her unwillingness, but then I think, no one had ever told him that it was wrong, from the first moment he was created was told that he was God's perfect creation, so he probably felt so "special" that he thought he could boss Lilith around. And then, the first betrayal...knowing that the person he loved hated him and betrayed him with an angel and then falling to hell with him.

And then came Eve...made from a piece of his flesh, his rib, the one made from his own being that he would love just as Lilith did. And then again another betrayal, Lucifer again, but this time not only taking his wife's fidelity but also betraying his trust by trusting Eve and eating the forbidden fruit.

So I think, guys, how much did all of this must have hurt? What is the pain of being betrayed by the people you swore your love to and having your trust betrayed?

Adam all the time in the series he always seems to reassert himself to himself and to people, he look needs that, I just think how insufficient and useless he felt after everything he's been through, to the point of creating a false narcissistic and arrogant personality to hide the broken man deep within himself. Inside all that facade of "Dick Master" and "The First Man" there is only Adam, only a betrayed and hurt man.

The pain of betrayal, I know what it's like, the fear of being deceived and abandoned again by someone better than you, Adam knows what it's like, he knows what it's like to go through it twice. Hiding your real self for fear of being abandoned again, being ridiculed, being seen as weak, try to feel enough by reaffirming to yourself that he is the best, he is the most badass, that he is the first man like a little boy.

I have in my mind that Adam also wears that mask due to low self-esteem because he never takes it off, not even in heaven, unlike Lute who takes off the mask to walk freely in the heaven, but Adam keeps the mask on all the time even though he doesn't need to. I imagine when he got to heaven he was the only one with human appearance, all other angels and winners (Human souls going to heaven) had different appearances, such as animal appearances, so I think he may have made that mask with horns to feel more integrated into that society and less different, and uses it all the time because he feels insecure about his appearance, because of the trauma of being abandoned in the past, not feeling that his appearance was enough, that he wasn't good enough and then just like his false personality he keeps the mask as part of it.

But the question of all this is: did he realize most of it? Everyone thinks that Adam's actions were born out of conscious hatred and malice, like many villains in the series, but I see that more than his choices came out of ignorance and years of incompetent molding by others, pride manifested in negative ways like vanity and arrogance. , while Charlie was raised with limits, pride manifested in more reasonable things like self-respect. To make a long story short, Adam has always been an idiot since he was created, there are lines where he says without sarcasm or hesitation that he has never made a mistake in his entire life, sounding as if he sincerely thinks he has never made a mistake, the fact that he can say that with sincerity and a clear conscience despite being guilty of almost every sin in the book so far really sets him up for a question that makes you wonder what's going on in his head.

And then this line from him in the trial episode: "Well, yeah, they have me here, right, Sera?"

And there it is, the tone and voice of an insecure and confused boy who doesn't know what he preached seeking approval, that's another reason why you can't be mad at Adam, he never had proper guidance or teaching in his entire existence both in the garden of Eden and both in heaven.

In the final episode Adam then gives his final speech, and the way it was presented sounds less like a villain asserting, showing dominance one last time, it's more like genuine confusion, as if this isn't how he was told that things are supposed to be, this isn't how things are supposed to work, which feels a lot like his first dialogue when he's introduced, his understanding seems like such a soft thing and he believes it with all his might, as if he needed something to believe in.

All of us living beings we are generated in our mothers' wombs and then we are born and protected and taught by our fathers, taught what is right and wrong, protected and safe. But Adam, he was just raised as an adult and with a purpose behind him, so I think "Could it be that Adam was just a confused little boy in an adult's body with a big obligation on his hands?"

Adam was barely created and already had a purpose to fulfill, he was barely born and already came face to face with someone different from his physiognomy (different between male and female) and kind of practically forced to love her since he barely knew her (Lilith).

I'm not trying to rub Adam's head (I'd really like to stroke his hair) and put him in the position of victim, but guys, he is also a victim! He had never been taught that it was wrong, God, the Seraphim and all of heaven never lifted a finger to give him advice or try to teach him, no one consoled him after he was betrayed, no one was there for him, no one.

So I assert, that Adam is just protecting himself with his big ego and arrogant narcissism and obeying what he thought was right for the seraphim is all he knows.

I also want to highlight, about the first episode of the series, where the meeting with Charlie takes place. Man, he was practically having to have a face-to-face meeting with the DAUGHTER of his first wife's betrayal with Lucifer, and having to hear her say that what he was doing was wrong (not that it really wasn't, but it was the only way to balance the population of hell since most sinners refuse to redeem themselves), I'm honestly not impressed or surprised by Adam's rude reaction, practically having the living embodiment of his first wife's betrayal in front of him telling him what he was taught and allowed to do was wrong.

Adam is not an idiot without feelings, in the scene of his death you can see this, in the moment he looks at Lute and gives her one last smile as consolation to her because he knew she was little by little dying but this time forever, and also as said before in the court scene where he seeks approval from Sera, like a confused boy looking for approval.

Now moving on to Adam's abandonment issues, as I said before in a headcanons post, Adam reaffirms himself by saying that he hooked up with and had sex with several girls, an example of this is him bragging to Charlie during the meeting that he says he had sex with a girl who was interested in the drummer of his band, but honestly, I think that's all a lie, It may be true but I doubt he felt any connection with any of them, I doubt he took off the mask and showed his true self to them, and besides the fact of his fear of being abandoned again, fear of falling in love again and then being betrayed again, as someone who has been through this, I know how the fear of it continues to haunt you and how it hinders your relationships.

In short, I think that Adam was a victim of the negligent system of heaven, but he was also evil, killing demons en masse and causing genocides in hell in the days of extermination, but here comes a question...

"What would happen if there was no extermination?"

We have already been shown that hell ends up with an overpopulation due to the amount of sinners that go there, if I could guess I would say that more people go to hell than to heaven, and it is well shown that most people in hell don't listen to Charlie and her idea of ​​redemption, so I ask you, Were the exterminations necessary or not?

Well, a while ago I was watching a very good YouTube channel and I found an incredible video where he talked about Adam and whether he deserved to die or not, that's the video if you want to see it, he gave me some inspiration for this post. ☝🏻🤓

Adam was actually a tragic character, in essence I believe Adam was someone who had a lot of insecurities and doubts about himself and hid all of this behind his facade, he built this idiotic bad boy and Dick Master persona around him, with the intention of keeping people at a distance and asserting oneself, thus avoiding more hurt and heartbreak.

When he was about to die, he saw that despite his idiotic facade and his best efforts to keep people away, someone (Lute) still cared about him. And in the end, I think that's all he ever wanted, someone who truly cared about him despite the rude way he treated her, and so he died with a smile on his face. Someone really liked him...(I would also love him regardless of his personality, I would try to understand why he is like that, the famous "I can fix him")

Returning to the subject of neglecting of the heaven, from the same channel I mentioned before I found a very good video that talks about this, addressing Adam, heaven and the history.

In my view, Adam was and was not a victim, he was the antagonist of the first season, of course, but we also have to see that he was also one of the victims and one of the most affected due to the lack of responsibility and negligence of heaven in not having disciplined him or at least taught him that it was wrong, I know that Adam is not a child but for me deep down he was just a confused boy in the body of an adult who had no reception or teaching and was betrayed and abandoned by those he loved and trusted more.

Well guys, that's all for now at least, for me Adam is a deep character, full of hidden pain and confusion, honestly I love Adam, I love him very much, he is one of my comfort characters and one that I identify with a little (As for being neglected, I didn't have very good parents and I paid my price for that and nowadays I have some emotional problems because of that).

I wish more people could see the good in Adam and not just fight me and lecture me like how "you wish I talked about my dick all the time and had sex with all the girls he saw in front of me? Do you will like it?" , this was someone's comment during an argument with me and honestly I was hurt by it, yes I'm a slightly sensitive person, but man, it was hard to try to understand the character a little? not even a bit?

Well, thank you very much for your attention, I really enjoyed writing about Adam, it's always very good, kisses in your hearts, bye bye. 💗🎸

[spellbooksandcricketbats]

Thinking about why DBD managed to hit me so hard in the Older Queer feelings place.

I went to high school from 2002-2006 and it fucking sucked. For reference, YouTube wasn't founded until 2006, and this was before smartphones and social media and thus easier access to ~*~socially transgressive~*~ material.

The only queer characters I remember seeing on TV while growing up were punchlines (Will & Grace) or grimdark suffering and tragedy (Queer as Folk, The L Word, Nip/Tuck). The biggest slur hurled at us was gay ("Dude, that's so fuckin gay, don't be such a pussy!"). I never actually came out of the closet in high school, but I was still bullied for being perceived as queer because I dressed goth and, at the time, goth was still enough of a subculture to get mashed in with 'everything else society considers fucked up.' I knew two 'out' queer kids in high school, both gay cis boys who leaned effeminate, and dear god they were not treated kindly. Matthew Shepard's brutal torture and murder was still fresh in our collective memory. I also made the classic mistake of falling in love with one of my oldest, and straightest, girl friends. 🙃

And this was near the California Bay Area, traditionally considered one of the most queer-friendly regions!

So anyway, fast-forward to today, and here's Edwin, being unabashedly effeminate in all the ways that I learned to associate with getting a fast fuckin beatdown, and he's...treated with respect, both by other characters and ALSO the broader narrative. He's the recipient of multiple different kinds of love and attraction. None of his flaws have anything to do with being effeminate. And even the surface-level dynamic of Charles being his self-proclaimed protector has nothing to do with Edwin's own abilities -- that he is, in fact, able to endure in ways that no other character has been shown capable of yet, and again, not for any reasons that have to do with the narrative itself punishing Edwin for daring to be gay.

And then: the confession in Hell. When I eventually confessed to my best friend, she hemmed and hawed and put me off without a concrete answer, only that she was happy with her current boyfriend. Fair enough! But then she strung me along for a couple of years until I finally pushed for an answer on whether or not there was any hope, and only then did she said no, she's straight. In retrospect, both of us could have handled it better than we did; we haven't spoken since.

So when Edwin confessed, I found myself getting tense, bracing myself for the inevitable brush-off and awkwardness, which is a common reaction IRL, just...not the fictional wish-fulfillment one from a viewer, y'know? Except that's not what happened! It's not that Charles didn't give Edwin a hard 'no' (no one is ever, ever obligated to return affection), it's that Charles gave Edwin an HONEST one, AND it was kind, and there wasn't a sense that their friendship had lost any trust or anything!

And I'll be honest, that made my cracked, stoic heart cry just a little bit and healed something from my late teen/young adult self.

[drill-teeth-art]

A late night, slight retrospective on the tiny amount of Tumblr fame I've gathered that also might be slightly annoying for my audience to read so feel free to skip it if you want.

I started sharing Transformers fanart on here back in 2022, around October. I had been posting art on here for a while before actually but people really started following me and asking about my work and actually reblogging my stuff when I started posting Transformers fanart in 2022. I was in a really low place then, and I really welcomed the attention. My art was and still is something I take a lot of pride in. It's my own. There's quite a few years of my life where the fact I could still draw was the only thing stopping me from attempting suicide. It's something that has always meant a lot to me, so the attention on one of the only things I really liked about myself was nice. It was nice for a while.

But I've gotta say the slight Tumblr fame (and I do mean slight, I've only got around 3k followers which is a lot of people and more than I ever thought I'd have following me and more than a lot of folks will ever have but not like A Ton Of Fame) has wreaked havoc on my mental health. Which is already pretty rough as is. Suddenly I wasn't just some guy making Transformers fanart while desperately saving up to get out of my parents' house. Suddenly I was some people's FAVORITE Transformers artist. Suddenly I was a role model to people and I had people in my DMs clambering for my attention and I had an audience that would cheer or boo or go awkwardly silent at my every post depending on how much they liked it. And it was Not Good For Me. I had and still do have people all over my inbox, excited about how I drew fat and disabled and trans characters asking me over and over to draw some specific representation that I don't want to draw right away. I had and still have people begging me to draw their favorite Transformers character who I happen to not really care about and not want to draw at all. And I am painfully aware how often people take personal offense to my polite "no I'm not drawing that unless it's a commission" and my not answering their ask because I'm not in the mood. I've had people send in asks asking for a specific drawing and then follow up asks when I don't answer in a timely manner. And it's really uncomfortable! And it's almost more uncomfortable that it feels like a lot of people don't even notice that they're making me uncomfortable.

And I like learning how to draw bodies I've never drawn before. I like looking at a character who I think is meh and being like "well actually how can I make them interesting to me...". But it really felt and still feels like my art was getting away from me, like I was drawing more what people were asking me to make instead of what I wanted to because people would take it so badly when I'd say no. I was getting commissions though and I was saving up money to move out so I ignored that bad feeling of getting distanced from my own craft because I was trying so hard to save money and I was actually making some. And I still wanted the attention. Plenty of people were still kind to me despite everything.

Things got weirder for me after I released my Good Bi Gender comic. Which I do still recommend people read I think it's some of my best work. But that comic became a huge hit. And it made things really complicated for a while. I got anon hate. I was told to kill myself by strangers online more than once while I was already deeply suicidal. Something I thought I stated very clearly in the comic itself, that I didn't want strangers calling me "she" though I did and do let my close trusted people call me "she", was immediately ignored by my regular audience and people reading the comic. I got a lot of "you go girl!" kind of messages in response to my comic, and I didn't say anything at the time but it made me deeply uncomfortable. The comic was partly about how the she/her part of my identity is off limits to strangers. How I don't let just anyone she/her me because I work so hard to have the he/him aspect identity acknowledged at all. And it was like what Tumblr decided for me was to go against my wishes. Was to be like "we'll accept your identity for you!" when that's not what I wanted. I did NOT want to be she/her'd by thousands of strangers at the time. And though I'm grateful to have heard the understanding stories of other folks with nonbinary gender identities in the notes, it was deeply humiliating and invalidating to watch as others decided for me to accept the Girl part of my identity. The opening lines of the comic are explicitly a plea to the reader to listen and understand why they're not allowed to use she/her for me even though I'm opening up about the complexities of my identity.

And like. I don't care anymore if people online she/her me. At least I don't care right now that's why she/her is in my bio right now maybe I'll change that. But at the time it was awful. It was something I asked people not to do. And between that and the constant clambering for my attention from people I didn't want to talk to (because I was severely depressed and wasn't looking to make a ton of new friends) and the alienation from my own work I felt like shit. I felt like garbage. I still do. I hate my art sometimes. I really hate it. And for a while, I considered breaking my own fingers just so people would stop acting so entitled to my art and I would have a reason not to post. And honestly the only thing that stopped me was just trying to get by financially. Just watching my follower count and regular notes steadily trend upward so I could do more commissions so I could move out.

And doing things for the numbers, even for a relatively short time, only made things worse. It sounds a little silly even to me, but I get so stressed out when my posts flop, especially if it's art I was really proud of. I'm struggling to detangle my sense of worth in my art from the online numbers game. And I'm proud of the progress I'm making, but it does really suck and it's really hard. And I really wish I was still the same person back in early 2022 who could say "I don't care about the numbers!" and actually mean it because god I WISH I didn't care about the numbers now. Especially now. I dunno if it's me posting more art people don't wanna see or people leaving Tumblr or a shift in the culture of Tumblr but fewer and fewer people interact with my posts despite my follower count ticking up slowly but surely and it kind of bums me the fuck out. But. I am very proud of myself for still drawing the ocs that I want to draw even if they get less notes every time. And even if I'm slightly frustrated they get less notes every time.

I don't really have a neat bow to tie on my personal story right now. I'm still healing and sometimes I backslide and it's hard and it sucks. I don't want to sound ungrateful or to sound like I'm trying to shoo people off my blog because I'm not. I'm really grateful for the attention and interest and I'm not trying to turn people off my art blog. But it's been a rough few years on here. And don't be surprised if you see me take more and more breaks from this website. I do sincerely hope y'all will stick around and watch me continue to post whatever art and say kind things because I do appreciate that a lot. I'm trying really hard to mend my relationship with my own art. To not be so hard on myself. And for the record I don't want any asks telling me to take breaks when necessary or reminding me to draw for me. I appreciate the sentiment, but I already know all that and I personally don't find it helpful to be reminded of things I already know. But anyway. I hope that I will draw more and more of whatever I want to, even if that means I fade back into obscurity.

If you stuck around to read me reflect on the stresses and occasional humiliation of my small amount of online notoriety, then thank you. I appreciate that. And really I do like people looking at my art on here and sharing it and sending asks about my work. And the person I expect to be responsible for my mental health and how much social media is impacting it is Me first and foremost. But sometimes I think that it's important to remember there's a person behind your favorite art blog. And sometimes when you get swept up in parasocial attachment and hype, you kind of treat that person really fucking weirdly. And no that doesn't make you a bad person or a monster. But it does mean you have to learn to deal with it when someone who you might even idolize is like "back off me you're making me uncomfortable".

Anyway. I shouldn't be up as late as I am. A headache has been keeping me up all night. I'm gonna try to rest though. Goodnight.

[bruh-anator3000]

CAT-astrophic

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A/n: *pushes rock I live under over and peeks out of the black abyss* Hey, have you guys seen a Car Wash Miguel fic anywhere? I don't know what happened to it but it's no longer here. Might've escaped... anyways, watch this cat for me while I look? Thanks. And don't mind the hot homeless dude who talks to him, they're bonding. *returns into the depths of the void*

Summary: A hot dude won't stop talking to your cat, it's kind of freaking you out.

WC: 1.7k, edited by google docs...

Pairing: Miguel x GN!Reader

Warnings: crack fic, Spider-cat's real name is Sir Jeffords bc i said so, clueless reader, pro outdoor cat (i'm not actually, keep ur cats safe pls), future-ish?, accidentally snuck in some world building, in Lyla we trust 🙏, Miguel in tight clothing bc I also said so, and wait wtf are you doing with a dead rat miguel, AND WTF IS THIS WHITE STUFF DUDE?!

Also no Spanish bc I've done some research and those who do speak it have asked non-native speaker to avoid it, to prevent bad google translations and maintain respect!

Okay, enjoy~

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You were about to head in for the night when you were not tripped by your cat for his dinner. After a quick search around your apartment, you sighed upon realizing he was still outside. Shrugging on a coat, mismatched slippers, and grabbing a flashlight, you went out to look for him.

Plenty of people told you to keep your cat inside. That it was vital to their health to keep them safe indoors. There were plenty of articles stating the cons of letting a domesticated cat roam freely outside with no supervision. They were also written 80 years ago. The world has changed since then, drastically.

Sure, it would still be smart to keep Sir Jeffords inside. Less late night searches for him, no more worrying if that scratch on his right paw was from running too fast along pavement or something worse. But he came from the life of an alley cat, and no matter what you tried, he had to be out there for a few hours a day. Last time you tried to stop him, he went under your radar for three days. You had a panic attack, worried he didn't love you anymore, but he did eventually come back. Chipper and eager, and he made sure you left his cat door unlocked.

The streets were cleaner than 80 years ago. The people were kinder. The city more accommodating to everyone, even stray animals. Sir Jeffords was mirco chipped, and even if it didn't work for tracking half the time, the shelter folks could scan his neck and drop him back home.

There were no pounds or pest controls anymore, just volunteers who helped poor animals stay warm. And find whoever left them in the streets. It was a crime to leave them now, resulting in 6 months of detention if caught dumping your animal friend into the alleys.

Jeffords was a smart cat. He knew what he was doing. You trusted him. In the event of something bad happening, you made him swore he would come find you right away. Though he couldn't speak, his tail wrapping around your pinky seemed solid enough.

You called out his name, followed by a few 'pspspsps's to really seal the deal. Your flashlight shining in the darker corners of the streets he may be hiding in. Cats and their dark, unreachable corners, Sir Jeffords fell victim to any cozy spot he could barely tuck himself into.

It wasn't until a few blocks away, a little past the bank, when you heard a meow. Very similar to his, you quietly sped your pace, wanting to grab your kitty and go home. The closer you got, it seemed more like he was responding to someone else more than you.

"-and your service is always appreciated." You heard a deep voice whisper. Their voice a grumble echoing through the alley they hid in. "You're one of our best." Your brows pinching together, you turned the corner of the bank, flashlight illuminating your fluffy orange cat. Who was rubbing up against the shin of a random man.

He looked up at you, eyes darkened as he blocked your flashlight with his large hand. They almost seemed red as he stayed squatted, Sir Jeffords head butting his knee. His face pure sharp angles, with a scowl permanently in place. His black shirt a tight, compressing fit. Clinging to each muscle and vein in his arm, stopping halfway down his bicep. His calves just as impressive. His shorts doing nothing but making him look even hotter.

Wait, no. This was a random man, he wasn't hot.

You lowered the light and gave an awkward smile. Seemingly unimpressed, his hardened gaze turned back to your cat. "He's yours?" He asked, voice rumbling low in his chest. With a nod, he added, "He's... cute."

Okay, maybe he was a little hot.

"Right?" Your smile smoothed into something more natural. "He's the cutest cat to ever exist." You lowered yourself down onto your knees with a soft baby call. Sir Jeffords trotting into your lap happily, orange fur swaying with his steps.

Your hand ran through his silky fur. Tension easing from you as you held him close again. Though his three day disappearance had yet to happen again, you still worried. He was your precious baby, after all. The one you shared everything with, and he never once judged.

Your fingers caught on something sticky, stopping short of his lower back. Pulling your hand away, strings of white followed, sticking to your fingertips. The feeling moist and far too clingy for comfort. A disgusted shiver ran up your spine at the horrible sensory.

The man stood then, tossing a tissue at you as he did. His gaze stayed on your cat, never faltering. He pushed his dark hair away from his face, still scowling.

Glancing between your hand and the man that now towered over you, you almost gagged. This wasn't... his, right?

"It was the rat." Like he read your mind, the mysterious stranger held out his other hand. A dead rat laid in his palm.

"That... doesn't make me feel much better." You suppressed another full body shake, quickly wiping your hand off. This guy may be extremely attractive to look at but the longer you stayed there, the more uncomfortable you got. "How would a mouse... And what is this?" You felt yourself getting sick as you held the tissue out, the white stuff now sticking to the paper instead

"Webs. And, it's a rat." He stated with a straight face. More angry at your confusion than anything. "Chased him through some spider webs."

You let out a soft 'oh.' But that didn't explain why he was holding onto the dead rat.

And he let it stay that way. Instead of reading your mind like he had been this entire time, he just... walked off. With a dead animal in his grasp. Without a word.

Your confused gaze turned to your cat, knees beginning to ache from the pressure of concrete beneath. Sir Jeffords purred into your stomach loudly.

"You're not allowed to hang out with that guy, ever again."

...

"Christ!" Miguel tossed the rat at the wall, hearing him curse. The small animal glitched into a grown adult, body morphing sickly. "That..." The villain panted, rubbing at his neck. Bruises from how tightly he was held already forming there. "... was not what I was expecting."

Miguel squatted back down, balancing on his toes as the hologram of regular clothes shifted back into his suit. "You chose to become a rat, in a world whose Spider-Man is a cat." He slammed down a disk, red netting encasing the fool. "That was your own fault."

"It was the only way I could get into the bank!" The villain squeaked. Miguel tuned out almost immediately, eyes turning to his watch. Setting the portal to his universe, and making sure he wasn't needed elsewhere. He entertained the villain in a tacky grey suit with distant hums and 'oh, yeah, uh-huh's. It was best to just let them get it out of their system then try to shut them up.

"And I would've gotten away with it, too! If it weren't for you and your cat!" The shape shifter writhed in the nets.

"Sound like a damn Scooby-Doo villain." Miguel stood up with a huff. He would never admit it, but Hobie used the term so often, he had to look up what he was referencing. Only to end up watching the first few seasons. He had to stop around the third season, a sick sense of deja vu hitting him with a bat. The cartoons reminded him too much of the daughter he never really had.

With a sigh, "Lyla," He called.

The AI appeared before him, wearing a shit eating smirk. He opened his mouth to command something else when she beat him to it. "You should've asked for their number."

"What?" Miguel's head snapped up, eyes wide.

"They were cute, should've asked them on a date." She glitched to his side with a teasing laugh.

"Lyla, I... no." He grumbled, flicking at his watch.

"Oh, you know?" Miguel tried to smack her away, only for her to reappear on his left shoulder. "You should go back, then."

Miguel glared at her, ignoring how the tips of his ears began to burn. "I can't, its-"

"Not a canon event." They said at the same time. Lyla rolling her eyes behind her heart-shaped glasses, Miguel focusing on creating a portal. "You're such a loser, you know that?" She huffed and puffed, spawning with her back turned to him.

He tried to reach out with a heavy breath, but she moved further away. This time sitting with her arms crossed and pouting.

"They were cute." The villain nodded from his fetal position on the ground. Earning a glare from the two. Shrinking further into himself, the shape-shifter apologized.

Miguel thrust his forearms forward, his mantis blades catching on the fabric of time. Ripping them apart with a grunt. Orange and purple twisted in front of him, and he grabbed a hold of the red netting the anomaly was in.

"Meet me back at HQ," He spoke to his AI with a nod. Foot already in the portal, he turned to cast a menacing glance at Lyla. "And do not try anything."

She held up her hands in defense, watching the portal close behind him. It wasn't like she even had to do anything - not anymore. She already slipped his multiversal number into the collar of Spider-Cat. All that needed to happen was you either found it, or it fell out. Lyla just had to wait to see which option would be canon.

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[satureja13]

After Jeb returned and told them the unbelievable story Valerian and Lunatic told Greg (or Stefan), Jack was freaking out. Jack: "Lunatic - this little hellspawn! I knew he would kill me one day! (Evidence from -> the first and -> the second encounter of Lunatic and Jack). But! I'm sure Greg lied! I mean this version is ridiculous! I still think it was him!" And there he was - all the way back into madness... (Yes, you might have made great progress with healing/prospering, but there always will be times when you fall back again. But this doesn't mean it was all in vain. Don't give up.)

Vlad was bringing his best friend back on track: "Jack - please. Just let's investigate further and find out what really happened, hm? It might just have been a misunderstanding - a series of unfortunate events. I will go ingame next, talk to that demon and find out where your heart is. Then you can go back to Lou and continue your therapy. You've come so far already."

Saiwa: "Remember what you asked of me in Henford. That I should push you when you fall back. You are falling back right now, Jack." Ouf, at least he seems to listen. And it is good he's not alone with his struggles anymore. He can talk to his friends. Which wasn't the case during his relationship with Kiyoshi. And so he took a step back and trusted his friends. He can still freak out later when his presumptions are confirmed. (Omg, Jack!)

Vlad got ready to enter the game again. Ji Ho was worried. But he tried to calm himself down. After what Jeb found out, it doesn't look like there's a killer on the loose. So Vlad shouldn't be in danger, right? The Crossroads Demon just got a wish wrong and NPC Jack fell from his horse and broke his neck. They still need to find out why NPC Jack was so upset and where his heart is, but Ji Ho is sure they can all go back ingame soon and continue their therapies.

But when Vlad logged in, he was fully surrounded by stone! He couldn't move and he was still shirtless, like on that day he left Goldshire. So NPC Vlad must have been captured in here soon after! What had happened to him? ö.Ö'

Vlad logged out again. Now they have yet another quest: find out what happened to NPC Vlad. And now he can't even help to find the demon! Argh! (I mean the chances were low Vlad would find the demon because he is just as clueless as Jeb. He just wanted to avoid Ji Ho going ingame...) Vlad: "This is a dead end. Jeb has to care for NPC Jack and has no idea anyway where to look for the demon or Jack's heart and I can't go anywhere either! We can't ask NPC Jack because he still suffers from his post death amnesia. And Sai is on his island..." Jeb: "We could wait until Kiyoshi has one of his better days and send him ingame? Tiny Can made him the demon, so he must remember. But even when he's aware of where and when he is, he's still so confused with this game..."

Ji Ho: "There's only one person left and that's me, I guess." Vlad: "No!" Ji Ho: "I'll have to leave the Castle anyway to look for my King, so I can wander freely. I have a horse so I could start in Goldshire and I will keep my ears open for the local gossip, ask around if someone witnessed what made Jack ran away, who was responsible for the flame war that made the righful heir flee, find out what happened to NPC Vlad and find information about demons in this world - and where to find them. Four crabs with one stone :3 " Vlad: "Please Sai, stop him." But Saiwa and the others agreed with Ji Ho. The folks like the Princess a lot so they would be a good chance they'd spill the tea.

It was already late and they ended their meeting. Rain was pouring.

Vlad and Ji Ho have to keep their distance - again... (Thanks to Ji Ho's evil grandfather). So they spent some 'quality time' together to charge the Bond. That must do until they can embrace and touch each other again. It will improve their relationship, though, since they finally talk to each other. Which should make the Bond happy enough. Vlad: "There is no way to stop you from going ingame?" Ji Ho: "No. Try the Ramen, you will like it." (There are still a lot of dishes Vlad never tried before.) And then Vlad discovered the wonders of MSG...

Meanwhile Saiwa and Jack sat on Flamingo Island (Balcony). The view was not nearly as stunning as on the real Flamingo Island. Jeb and Kiyoshi retreated to Jeb's apartment and Sai and Jack could seen them clearly through the window.

Jack: "Don't worry. You will find you way back together again." Saiwa: "I'm not so sure.Jeb asked me to and I agreed to have a fake relationship with Kiyoshi to bring him back from the tree. How are we supposed to get over this?" Jack: "It was a -> fake <- relationship, Sai. You never did anything weird with Kiyoshi, right?" Saiwa: "Of course not!" Jack: "And it was to help Kiyoshi. You - both - would do the same again for any of us, right." Saiwa sight: "It sounds so easy when you say it like this." Jack: "Because it is. Don't make more of it as there was, hm?" Saiwa laughed: "You're one to talk!"

And then they saw Jeb - stretching his arm around Kiyoshi ö.Ö'

Jack: "It was an exhausting day for him investigating. I bet he's just tired ^^' " Saiwa: "Do you feel nothing anymore when you see Kiyoshi with Jeb like this?" Jack: "Uhm... Ach! I'll rather concentrate on my blossoming relationship with Lou! That's what a sane person would do, right? Kiyoshi and I will just be good 'mates'. And we'll all be just fine!" Saiwa: "You know Lou isn't real, don't you?" Jack: "Real enough for me. When I'm able to log in again, we can meet whenever I want and we can be happy together."

'There ain't no mistaking, it's true love we're making Something to last for all time It's never-changing, can't you hear me? I'm saying I want you for the rest of my life

Together forever and never to part Together forever, we two And don't you know, I would move Heaven and Earth To be together forever with you?'

Together Forever - Rick Astley

Jeb: "Let's go to bed, hm?"

The Therapy Game Master Post with the sessions and places so far is -> here

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest

Current Chapter: 'Who killed Jack?' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for kicking my little brother out after a fight?

yes, the title is catching, so bare with me please.

my family and I (19NB) live like cottage core folks. we have separate sheds here and there that are modified to be tiny houses, whilst there are actually 3 houses placed and modified on our land. I switched many houses to find the most comfortable one, and that I have. Our aunt (M, dunno her age) is visiting us currently, and because we have no proper space for her to sleep, she's sleeping with my mother (R, mid 50s) as her husband (C, late 50s - early 60s) is forced to sleep at my house for the time being. There are many reasons as to why I'm uncomfy with this choice, a lot of them are personal, but one that stands out the most is that I'm uncomfortable with sleeping together with other folks, unless I trust them the most. I took some of my belongings to another house, along with one of the wifi motors we use (we have two) and tried to sleep in a house that my brother (N, 18) occasionally visits to cook his food. The first night was doing fine, until the second night kind of got worse, and where I would be called the asshole.

N has level 3 autism, as I have level 2. he doesn't understand not like change, and so do I. I was invading his space where he should be cooking, yet I try not to get into the middle of his process. he noticed I slept there now and decided to force me to cook for him, and I simply calmly told him he could do it himself. that part, I know he can understand, but he chooses not to do so for some benign reason. after trying to bother me several times, he decided to grab my stuff and use them without my knowledge, which quickly made me furious and aggressively told him to get back to whatever he's doing. that wasn't the right thing to do, admittedly, which resulted to throwing a Yeti stainless cup at my head and computer. that was where I drew the line entirely and have forcefully kicked him out of the house where he was cooking, all because he wanted to be rude and abusive towards me.

I called C to handle him momentarily as N was beating on the windows and yelling bloody murder, we were lucky that we didn't live in an urban neighborhood. C accused me for starting all of it when I calmly explained what was happening, and he kindly took it and left me be. on the other hand, R barged in and yelled at me for 1. taking the wifi motor to another house and 2. kicking N out. I was already exhausted and told her the same thing that happened, yet she refused to listen and still has blamed me for the troubles that happened. I told her why I was here, that was not relevant for her at all. I told her I needed space and a place to sleep since the other houses were not best suited for me, that was not relevant either as she looked at me stupid since her two options were let C sleep in her house with M and have R sleep in her car, or have C sleep at my house whilst M and R continue their shenanigans late at night.

not that this is too relevant, but to add damage to the situation is that this has been an occurring thing with how R treats N and I, with no little respect or freedom at all. every boundary that has been established has been either bent far beyond repair or blatantly crossed and ignored selfishly. This is not the first time she's acted this way towards us, and will probably never be her last. Instead of working through the situations that are brought up, she refuses to take accountability and let everything fall into her own hands, which never really works out at the end for everyone.

After the argument, I slept at an old house that was completely trashed, absolutely stunk, and did not feel comfortable at all. I do not have enough spoons to handle this on my own, and I refuse to help my family through the mess to avoid unnecessary consulting and other comments.

I will admit fault about not thinking through this situation, but I still need an opinion on this.

AITA for kicking my brother out for throwing a cup at my head? AITA for trying to find a place to sleep peacefully at my own comfort place?

(paws, in case something happens)

What are these acronyms?

[netherworldpost]

Been following you since the Evil Supply Co days, was very pleased to place my first order from Netherworld Post recently! I love the "hope this fireball finds you failing to save" design so much! A few people in my d&d group are definitely getting that one.

I hope you have an awesome day and something nice happens to you!

I am incredibly honored that so many folks have been following since Evil Supply Co.

It was nearly four years to do the day from when I first emailed friends "What do you think of this business name change?" to flipping the switch to launch.

One thing that hasn't made it through the transition

(I emphasize)

...yet...

...is the stories.

I used to write 3 - 6 very short stories a week. Sometimes a few paragraphs, sometimes longer. Most got posted here -- started here, on Tumblr!

The structures needed work, more connectivity. The genre, the characters and locations, the softness? All remain. But the structures needed work.

This will take time.

Not four years of time (length of shop closure to rebuild).

But they will come back.

I'm rambling. I'm a bit nervous over how all of this is operating. The nerves are not based in evidence -- the roll out has been smooth, the response bigger than expected. Just personality quirk, I suppose.

Back to sense-making.

I'm grateful you're here and that I am able to do all of this.

Phase One (where we are now) is to launch the shop and get the initial orders out the door. The presses are pressing ink to paper, first batch of orders goes out late next week. Continues onwards at a steady pace forever.

Phase Two (rest of the year) will be slowly adding more. Both to the shop for pay and the downloads "pay if you want."

Phase Three (next year, probably) is when I think we'll have stories again. It won't take that long to launch them -- launch will be part of Phase Two -- but I think it'll be next year until I'm at a steady pace.

I'm rambling again. I'll cut this to the end.

The primary availability of stories for Evil Supply Co. was free via social media posts.

I want to keep that availability. I don't trust social media to maintain its presence as it stands in the next several years (I'm looking at 3, 5, 10, 15 years forward).

The zero-cost-to-read prohibited basic structures such as "hm I like Strawberry, this mermaid, I wish to read more about her wacky antics." There simply wasn't funding to build out any of the million ways to do that.

Part of Phase Three is solving that, finding the balance. There are a million options, with strengths and drawbacks and costs. I'll have a better answer for it as the year progresses.

As I say, I am wary of social media (all platforms) direction -- they will continue to exist, I'll continue to use them to their fullest advantage, but they are growing increasingly hostile to independent creators. I don't work for Tumblr, Tumblr doesn't owe me continued access to audiences at the current pace.

Ultimately, I work for the moon and you come to the Post for the things you're interested in -- neither of us work for a social media platform -- and I'm keeping that tightly in mind to ensure I can continue to service your desires + build new things you'll love but didn't know existed yet.

Thank you for being here.

The something nice you hoped for came true in two ways.

Your note and an afternoon pulling together notes on how to independently publish myths and legends and stories and rambles about the Netherworld.

The scale of this equation is...

...significant.

Fortunately. So is my willingness to tackle it. :)

Cheers to you and thank you again for being here.

Long may we sip potions, in the moonlight, while sitting on our folded cloaks, listening to ghosts, telling stories of dryads and mermaids and witches and more, as the jack-o-lanterns surrounding us wile away the hours with their flickering tongues of flame and smoke.

[nothorses]

Sometimes I’m scared of becoming a toxic asshole for thinking these things, but when I saw the transmasc separatist dude, some of the things called for were things I already wanted to do. Like, seeking out transmasc authors and read their books, or transmasc musicians and listening to their music, or only dating other transmascs, or sticking to transmasc spaces. But I don’t want to do this because I think non-transmascs are incapable of not being transandrophobic. I want this because I’ve been hurt and all this feels like a way to give me some room to breathe and heal. And it’s frustrating cause the separatist stuff feels like it’s inviting me in for that but I don’t think it will help but I’m scared of others telling me I’m no better than them for needing space. I don’t know. Maybe I just suck at unity. Hate to think that tho.

I think there's a big difference between, like, "it feels good to discuss common experiences with people who understand them" (extremely normal and fine), and "it is only safe to interact with people just like me and everyone else is trying to hurt me" (unhealthy and counterproductive).

Everyone wants to see themselves in the things they read and watch. Everyone wants to relate to other people.

And I mean, I created a discord server for Transmascs for this reason; there weren't really any spaces where transmascs could talk about transmasc experiences with each other, and the lack of any kind of transmasc "community" was very sorely felt. I guess you don't see it as much lately, and I'm so incredibly grateful for why that is- but a lot of the early conversations around this stuff talked about how being transmasc was considered shameful or regressive; it wasn't something we were supposed to find joy or pride in, and it wasn't something you were supposed to connect with other people about. And that did so much damage to transmascs! It made us isolated and lonely, and it made it so hard to talk about anything we were going through that we often bought into the lie that none of it was real, or important enough to discuss. Not to mention the impact on our ability to share and get relevant information or resources.

There's nothing wrong with needing some space to talk about shared experiences with people who get it- and I'd argue that this kind of space is deeply necessary. We don't need to give that up. That's not what unity is.

Unity is recognizing that other transmascs are not the only people we share common experiences with. We're not the only safe people, or the only people with talking to, or the only people we need to be fighting for.

It's good to connect to your community! Keep doing that! Take the time to grow your identity, connect to that part of yourself, and work to heal the ways in which that lack of connection has impacted you.

Just don't do it out of fear of the people who aren't just like you, and try not to limit yourself to one community, or one type of person, exclusively.

You are a multifaceted person, and even the trans community itself is incredibly diverse; you will likely find, if you take the time to listen, that a lot of transfems and unaligned nb folks share a lot of the same experiences, too! Even ones connected to manhood, masculinity, or our perceived inability to be autonomous.

And honestly, it sounds like you know all this already- and like you're maybe afraid you have the wrong intentions, or you might mess up, even if you're honestly just trying your best.

Feel free to disregard this bit if I'm wrong, but if I'm not: trust yourself. Trust that you do not have secret, evil intentions or hatred hidden even from yourself. Trust that if you mess up, you will do your best to correct it when you find out about it. You're doing fine, anon, you don't need to be hypervigilant about your own thoughts and feelings. And maybe you'll find that if you can work towards that goal, you'll start to worry a lot less about Becoming A Toxic Asshole for, like, correctly identifying the kernel of reasonable motivation that lead to someone else's wrong conclusion.

[beloved-daydreams]

Folktober2023 Prompt: "Horror movie marathon" 🎬📺 Friday 13th October

An attempt by

Hosted by @jurdannet and @jurdannetrevels

📘1 500+ words

😎Characters: Jude, Cardan, Vivi, Taryn and Oak.

✒️Tags: Jurdan, fluff, wholesome, quality time, familial bonds, implied TarynXThe Ghost/Larkin

Was made in a hurry so it might have some errors but you’ll deal with it 💖

✏️✏️✏️

Last week, Vivi came to visit completely unannounced. A movie marathon for Halloween! She said. It'll be fun! She assured us. Taryn tried to turn her down at first, being 7 months into her pregnancy, she understandably found the idea risky. But Vivi being Vivi, she would not give up. And frankly, Taryn did need some family time and support. With no parents, no siblings and no husband by her side, although she doesn’t want to admit it, it must surely be difficult.

Meanwhile, Cardan immediately agreed despite our status. The High Queen and High King going to the mortal world only to watch movies? It’s a rather shameless behavior to display so soon, but Vivi said it makes us audacious for some reason that I didn't quite understand. The audacity! Or whatever.

Though to be completely honest, I'm pretty sure Cardan only wants to go for the caramel popcorn and to see Oak again. Oak who's now the only member of his "lineage" that he more or less appreciates. I'm worried. Nephew and uncle are maybe starting to get along too much. When Vivi found out Oak had punched a kid at school, instead of feeling sorry or ashamed Oak said "Someone who doesn’t respect others shouldn't complain about getting payback." Cardan said it wasn't his fault and it sounded more like something I would say. I beg to differ but he likes my begging so I just agreed and moved on. Vivi noted that he’s turning out to be a sassy child.

Now, we're lying down on the carpet while Taryn and Oak are on the sofa, Vivi is making the popcorn. She still isn't entirely back to being together-together with Heather. Should've figured, if she were I don't think she would've invited us. I hope things turn out well for them.

"Who wants it with caramel!?" Vivi asks from the kitchen, her head tilted to the side from the doorway so she can see us.

Cardan and Taryn lazily raise their hands.

"Who wants it salted?"

Oak and I raise our hands. Cardan looks at Oak like he’s incredibly brave for that, I roll my eyes. Salt only reduces or stops a fae’s ability to use magic for a limited amount of time, it’s not that big of a deal. I swear Cardan loves to overreact and exaggerate the dumbest things. The other day, I came back dragging the head of a traitor behind me to show the folk they can trust me to protect them. Meanwhile, Cardan said, "You know I love you but please think about the smell it’ll leave on the carpets." Well, Cardan dear, we’re King and Queen, we can get new carpets anytime if the smell doesn’t wear off. Also, Taryn is terrific at home decor anyway, I bet she enjoys decorating and redecorating our halls.

Oak puts his small hand on Taryn’s belly, then his ear against it. He’s excited at the idea of becoming an "unkie" to his future niece like Cardan is to him.

As soon as Vivi’s back with the popcorn, the movie starts. The good thing about watching movies at home is that you won’t be done with the popcorn before the commercials end. And although she’s the one who invited us, she keeps talking over the movie’s beginning, asking us how we’re doing and what stuff has been going on in our "fairytale hellhole." Then it quickly goes to the uncomfortable questions.

"So. Rynryn, I heard that a half-fae dude has the hots for you. How’s that going?"

Taryn cringes.

"Oh please, Larkin is ridiculous. Trying to court a widowed woman who’s still pregnant with the child of her late husband? He has no delicacy."

Cardan raises an eyebrow.

"The husband who died by the hands of his wife, you mean." I hit him on the shoulder and he utters a fake sounding ow. Oak is right there, I widen my eyes at him to make him understand but what’s done is done. Oak turns to Taryn once again.

"Why did you kill your husband?" Oak asks curiously with no discernible malice in his gaze or voice. Taryn smiles politely.

"He didn’t bear for me the kind of love that satisfied me nor did he treat my opinions and feelings with enough respect. And you know what that means?"

"People with no respect deserve payback!"

Taryn smiles and puts her hand on Oak’s horned head to praise him. Cardan and I look at each other a bit astonished. So that behavior partly came from Taryn, huh. I’m afraid that at this rate, he’ll become an amalgamation of all of our personalities. No matter. Vivi presses a bit further, putting Taryn back on track which only results in complaints from Taryn’s part.

"I swear he only ever wears plain and boring outfits, even for revels and casual occasions. Not to mention he has no common sense, poor table manners and his attempts at flirting are horrid, frustrating and awkward. How is he supposed to be a spy and assassin if he can’t even put two and two together? No way can he gain the trust of any of his targets that way." She suspiciously over-explains everything wrong with Larkin. Vivi smiles at her knowingly.

"Hmm. I don’t know, to me it sounds like he already caught his target." Vivi says.

"Why are you paying so much attention to him?" Oak chimes in with more accusations.

Taryn shifts her attention back to the TV, a furrow forming on her eyebrows. She tells us we should focus on the movie instead of whatever she thinks of Larkin. Which is none of our business, by the way. And so we do, we watch. Cardan seems to display no particular difficulty in understanding the images and plot but he’s much more entertained by the popcorn. That is until it runs out and he lets himself get swept away. His tail stands up straight like a cat’s every time he’s surprised by the sudden sounds or imagery, namely the jumpscares. It’s cute how his face doesn’t show his fear at all, he seems to be completely unphased if you ignore the tail. I suppose it must’ve been why he hid it all those years. It puts his emotions on display. Making his feelings obvious.

Near the middle, Oak is too tired to continue watching. Vivi puts him to bed. Near the end, Vivi and Taryn somehow manage to fall asleep on the couch. Vivi most likely because she’s not scared of horror movies in the first place, and Taryn because our presence hopefully calmed her down. In the end, this was mainly for us to get together again. Vivi may be clumsy with her words sometimes, but she’s still the same older sister who hugged us when we got into trouble or scraped our knees while falling on the concrete grounds of our neighborhood. I sigh.

While trying to get up, Cardan stops me. He whispers.

"Let’s sleep here."

I widen my eyes at him.

"On the floor?"

"On the carpet, dear."

I roll my eyes.

"I’m sure Vivi won’t mind if we borrow her bed for the night, as long as…" I don’t finish but Cardan gives me a sly smile nonetheless which makes me hit his shoulder lightly.

We get up and I properly tuck Vivi and Taryn in, leaving them to sleep comfortably on the sofa. Then we go to Vivi’s room and make the bed together. Well. "Make" is a big word, we’re both embarrassingly inept at tidying things up since our attendants do it for us. We just cover the bed with a cover we’ll sleep on, tucked in under another new cover so we don’t have to truly "get" into her bed.

As we lay there about to fall asleep, Cardan attempts to talk to me before I manage to make my way into dreamland, as he often does.

"Don’t you miss such things? Movies, popcorn, late night talks with your siblings? We could do that more often."

I smile and grab his tail, pulling it to my front so I can play with the tuft to fall asleep faster. It relaxes me. Cardan has enough only with hugging me, his arms just under my chest, and if his hands wander around to go higher when I’m too tired, I hit them away and he gets the hint.

"It’s fine. I believe it’s better for me to slowly move away from that, eventually we could try meeting in Faerie all together. There won’t be movies anymore, but the food can be brought here."

I’m not sure what face Cardan is making right now, but I think he didn’t like that answer judging by how his tail is flailing around.

"Don’t give up on that. I wish I always had that." He pauses then squeezes me tighter in his arms. "Or is it because of…"

I want my body to stay strong and healthy. My case is arguably completely different from other humans since I’m the Queen, but I’m not willing to risk it. When I reach my mid thirties or so, I’m thinking of stopping my trips to the human world. I hold onto Cardan’s tail in confirmation. And as I start to believe this might be the end of the conversation, he says one last thing before we fall asleep.

"We could try to install electricity in Faerie…"

I smile.

✏️✏️✏️

Please consider leaving comments and/or tags! Love you 🫵🫶

(And before you ask, yes I made the silly banner myself because I wanna look cool and semi-pro 😤) Tell me it’s working lmao

[vkylociferart]

“Wives”

Both this fan art and fan fic were made for @tdvzine

This tale is set in a universe where Mel (my oc) is already a vampire and lives in the chateau with Marius, Pandora, and Bianca. Though a vampire, Mel is still her old, curious, messy self. But her curiosity might get her in trouble sometimes.

Loosely based on the "Blue Beard" folk-tale.

By VKyloCifer

"It was meant to be a joke," Mel kept repeating in frustration. She tried to see the irony and humour in the whole thing, but it wasn't working. In any other situation, she would be laughing with everyone else.

It all started one night some weeks ago. She was working on one of the chateau's murals. Bianca was reading on a nearby couch, and Pandora played the piano. It seemed like a coincidence, but the real reason they were all there was for him. They wanted to be near him, near the one they all love, their beloved master, Marius, who was painting by Mel's side.

His concentration was unbreakable; he stepped into another world when he painted. Though she knew this was only in appearance, like any good teacher, he was always quite aware of everything that was going on around him. He showed it by coming out of his trance now and then to correct her work. It didn't bother her. On the contrary, she welcomed him whenever he wished to share his expertise.

She cherished these moments, the peace and safety she felt, and revelled in the loving company of her new family. She hadn't known Pandora and Bianca for long, since long since Marius had only recently brought her to the chateau. Not that he hadn't wanted to get her earlier, but she had delayed it. She was far too shy, and meeting new people made her nervous. Yet she took a liking to them almost instantly. Both had been extremely kind and welcoming to her, and she quickly responded to the outpouring of love. Also, it was always easier for her to relate with people with whom she shared common interests; in their case, they all have Marius in common.

In the chateau, everyone referred to them as Marius's two "wives", even though there had not been any official ceremony. And lately, there had been rumors that the court's Prime minister had brought with him a new wife. That would be her, Mel, Marius's third wife. Suddenly, something occurred to her, and she started giggling. Though it hadn't been her intention, her amusement pulled him out of his concentration.

“Gold for your thoughts," he asked.

"It's nothing," she bit her lips, trying to suppress her humour despite her large grin.

"Come now, little nymph, tell me what's going on inside that imaginative little head of yours". It still struck her as strange that he called her pet names like "little nymph" since, in terms of mortal years, she had been older than him when they met. It does not precisely fit the term "little" or nymph (usually characterized as younger women). But then again, she guessed mortal age meant nothing to beings like them. After all, she was considered a fledging, a baby bird, a mere child in their world. And her short height made the pet name stick more.

“Ah ah! I won't go into a stream of consciousness until you tell me what you were giggling about," Marius lightly scolded.

"It's just, I was thinking. You're like Dracula now."

Pandora stopped playing, and Bianca peeked up from her book. Now, she had everyone's attention, which she exclusively disliked.

"And how am I like Dracula, little Minx?" Marius asked with a touch of sarcasm.

If the same scenario had happened with any other group of people, she would've retreated into herself, unable to handle the pressure. But these were her new family, the ones she was supposed to trust and feel safe with. So she swallowed hard, somehow finding the courage, and continued to explain: "Because Dracula was famous for having three brides, and everyone around here says you have three wives now."

There was an uncomfortable silence; maybe she had rushed too quickly to be her whole, weird self. But suddenly, Pandora and Bianca burst into soft, lovely laughter. She smiled brightly at both. Then she turned to face Marius, who was looking intensely at her, face flushed.

She feared she had angered him.

But then his demeanour melted to a gentle, warm expression. He chuckled and placed his hand on her head... "That mind of yours is a bottomless source of the most amusing thoughts; you're. You're going to make eternity so much more interesting for me." He joined the rest in laughing—a contagious, harmless laugh from an irrelevant and harmless joke. Or so she thought.

A couple of days later, an unknown vampire arrived at court. He delivered a letter from his master, an ancient vampire named Lord Conomor. In the letter, he expressed his interest in coming into the court with his three wives, and as a showing of his goodwill, he invited any court member to meet him in his castle.

This was unusual; everyone knew that all immortals were welcome to the court; they were free to just walk in. However, there had been some rare occasions when potential new members had been reluctant to come. After all, the entire place was filled with powerful immortals. So perhaps this Lord Conomor was just exercising cautious caution.

Everyone present decided that a small commission welcome committee should welcome him to the court.

That’s when Bianca reminded Marius about little Mel’s joke. Didn’t Lord Conomor mention that he had three wives in his letter? It may be a good idea for him to go along with Pandora, Mel, and herself. To make the party even in numbers and to build relations between them.

Everyone thought it was a good idea. However, when brought up to Mel, the reaction was the opposite.

“Absolutely not!” she protested. Marius folded his arms and raised a brow in that gentle yet disproving gesture of his "And why not my nymph?".

"You know why! How am I supposed to pass as a court representative? I know nothing of how to behave as royalty or an ancient vampire. I would only be a burden and make you all look bad".

“Tsk, always with the self-doubting!" said Marius disapprovingly. "It's beneath you. No one is expecting you to be anything but who you are: a kind, well-mannered, and very unique young woman—the one I feel fell in love with."

Such a smart choice of words, so typical of him, scolding her while praising her at the same time before finally disarming her with a declaration of love, smooth bastard. She wanted to protest further, but what was the point? Whatever objection she comes up with, he'll find a way to refute it, and what's worse, he knew very well many ways to persuade and convince her to do it.

A week later, she found herself at the doors of a medieval castle in the middle of a wild forest, making her feel like she had been transported into a gothic novel. Though, unlike when Marius had brought her to the chateau, she didn't feel dazzled this time; she felt hazed. The previous flight didn't help either, as she was the only one in the group without the Cloud Gift. So she had to fly in Marius's arms. Even though he was always careful and protective of her during the flights, she still couldn't get used to them. A soft hand pressed gently into her shoulder, and she turned to meet Pandora's beautiful face, smiling sweetly. "Don't worry, I've never got used to either", she spoke inside her head, probably so Marius could not hear her. She nodded and smiled back at Pandora, feeling some anxiousness slightly ebb.

As the castle doors opened, they revealed an inner corridor that heavily contrasted the gloomy outside view with its bright red carpet, polished marble columns, and glossy wooden walls. This place wasn't that bad after all.

Lord Conomor and his three wives were waiting for them in the reception room. He was a tall man, not quite as tall as Marius (few were as tall as Marius), though sturdier built, with hair as black as her own. A broad, generous smile that shined through his bushy beard, but there was no friendliness in those deep crystalline eyes that seemed somehow… cruel? His skin was like marble, lustrous and hard-looking, like Marius and Pandora and all the ancient ones she had met, thought it was of a darker hue. Her own skin was slightly caramel. She wondered if her skin would, one day, look like this-

"Stay focused!" commanded an authoritatively familiar voice inside her head. She looked at Marius, who was speaking amiably with their host, but it still stunned her how he could retain his perfect pose while scolding her mentally.

"I'm not scolding you, little nymph; I'm just helping you stay on the path." Sweet Heavens! Even inside her mind, he managed to gently dominate her. If only she had been made by him, at least she would have had her mind for herself.

"And if you pay more attention to my thought-blocking lessons, you would, little minx.”

"As always, you're the master" " she answered him mentally, forcing back a chuckle. "Thank you"

"For scolding you? As you put it."

"For helping brightened my mood."

This time, he forced back a chuckle; she knew him well enough to notice it.

"You're welcome, my love", he replied, flooding her mind with warmth.

Later, while chatting around the fireplace, she looked deeper at their host's wives; they must've been ancient since they all shared the same ivory skin. Their hairs were all long and wavy, in brownish tones that barely differed from each other. For mortal eyes, they would all look identically brunette. It's been months after her transformation, and still, she was finding new colours she didn't even know existed; it was beautiful, especially when looking at paintings. There were many hanging on the walls, ancient ones, primarily portraits, some of which depicted the Lord of the castle and his wives dressed in beautiful medieval garments. The level of detail in the fabrics and jewellery fascinated her, and she wondered if the painter had been human.

“Beautiful, right?” She awoke from daydreaming to find one of their host's wives by her side, smiling brightly at her. With teeth lustrous as pearls, her sharp fangs stoop grimly out.

“Yes, so detailed," Sheshe said, sounding as relaxed as possible.

“I see one of your wives is interested in paintings," said Lord Conomor to Marius.

"As do I" he replied.

"Ah! Then you must come to see our entire collection!"

Minutes later, they were all walking through a succession of long paintings-covered galleries, Lord Conomor and his wives chatting amicably with Marius, Bianca, and Pandora. The place was filled with intercrossing twists and turns. It was eerily beautiful, though Mel wondered how they never managed to get it.

Every painting she passed by was unique and gorgeous. There were so many that it would take a lifetime to appreciate them all. At this fast pace, it was a shame that she couldn't enjoy them properly as they deserved.

A miniature portrait at the end of a corridor caught her attention; it depicted a pale lady wearing a brocade and velvet dress. The details were stunning, and she wanted to look at it closer, if only for a moment. And that's how she ended up like this: lost. Marius was right; she should've stayed on the path, just a slight deviation, and the next thing she knew, she'd lost track of her group and found herself wandering around in this labyrinthic place.

She went up and down countless stairs that seemed to go nowhere, sinking deeper into the gasping darkness of this place, which now didn't seem friendly or welcoming at all. The places she had been in earlier had looked clean and well cared for, filled with immaculate fabrics, lustrous marble, lavished wood, and shiny metals. Now, everywhere she turned, she saw mould, dampness and rags. There were almost no lights except for some old gas lamps scattered around. If she had still been mortal, she would've been unable to see anything and would've been forced to stumble blindly around in the darkness. She tried to count her blessings. B, but it needed to be helping. This place was ghastly; it didn't matter to her the irony of a vampire scared of a gothic castle; she just wanted out of there!

She could call them, she thought, either mentally or just scream. No matter how big this hell hole was, they could hear her. Marius could listen to her even if she were on the other side of the world. But that would cause a terrible impression, and she spent the dead dream here instead of ruining this for them. "OhOh, hell no," she said to herself, "I don't want to spend the dead dream in here". She kept going, making use of all her preternatural speed; there had to be a way out of here.

Eventually, she saw a light coming from the bottom of a long stair. It was very dimmed, but it was different from the light of the gas lamps from the previous rooms. She felt some warmth coming from there, but the sensation was so faint that she would've missed it if she were still human.

Maybe this was her way back to the better part of the castle, back to her family, and out of this nightmare.

She hastily descended the long stairs until she came face to face with a closed door. The dimmed light she had seen was coming from a small opening bar-covered window in the door. She peeked inside and saw a single torch placed in a dark rock wall opposite the door. She tried to see further inside the room, but she couldn’t as the window was too small.

A strange smell came from that room, something she couldn’t discern. What this could be? The door was tightly shut, but another thing that had been enhanced, besides her senses, by the Dark Blood was her physical strength. So she pushed harder against the door. But it barely moved.

She was about to turn around and give up when she noticed something else—a sound coming from that room besides the odour. It was a familiar sound, yet she could not put her finger on what it was.

What was in there?!

She decided to try again. This time, she didn't just push but leaned her whole body against the door, using all the strength she could muster.

The door gave in just enough for her to go through.

Once inside, she found the room was bare except for the lamp she had seen through the window. Four boxes were divided into two and two, each pair placed in each lateral wall. Whatever the strange smell and sound she had noticed before was coming from those boxes because now they surrounded her, entrapping her as invisible tendrils tangling themselves all around her body. Suddenly, she didn't want to be in there anymore.

This place felt wrong, worse than any other part of this accursed castle. She was about to turn and leave when something in her mind clicked, and she recognized the sounds.

Heartbeats!.

Not one, but many. They were so faint that it was strange they could keep beating. No wonder she had trouble placing it before. Now, she couldn't leave without knowing first what was in those boxes.

She went to the nearest one and tried to open it, but it was tightly shut. She used all her strength, but, unlike the door, it wouldn't give in. Mel thought hard. She could go, find the others, and tell them.

Tell them what, though?.

She didn't know what was in these damned boxes; at least, she wasn't sure. The confusion from her scattering thoughts made her realize she wasn't thinking clearly. That smell and those beatings suddenly didn't seem faint now.

When had they gotten so loud?.

They were piercing through her ears, and their rhythm was hypnotic. Was this drowsiness—the dead dream?

Impossible; it was too early for that.

“Shhh it is not too early; sleep now", a voice spoke inside her head.

“Who are you?”.

"It doesn't matter. Sleep now, little invader".

But it did matter, didn't it? Maybe not… maybe it was better to sleep.

“What are you doing to her?!”

A familiar voice woke her from her stupor. She looked around, still confused and unsure where she was, until she saw the torch, the dreary boxes, and Bianca fighting with one of the vampires' wives they'd met earlier. She hurried to Bianca's help; between them both, they managed to push her outside and locked themselves within the room.

Bianca turned to face her. "Sweetie, sweetie, are you okay? When I entered, she was dragging you across the room!”

"I think so, I lost consciousness. But there's something here, inside those boxes”.

They turned, and one of the boxes was half open now. Mel approached it, drawn by the morbid curiosity of finally knowing what was there.

But she was interrupted by Bianca’s scream. Mel turned. It was Lord Conomor. He was grabbing her by the wrists. Mel stormed against him, but he was too strong. With only one hand (the other kept Bianca in place), he forced her on the ground. His boot stepped on her rib cage and started pressing down. The pain was unbearable. She cried out like a wounded animal.

"You're quite strong for a fledging. Too bad you turned out to be such a nosy woman," Hehe said as he kept pressing against her chest.

Bianca yelled threats at him, swearing if he kept hurting her, he'd know the wrath of Pandora and Marius and her own.

Lord Conomor laughed. "My other wives must've taken care of them already. Pity, I was looking forward to seeing your court, but I can't tolerate meddling women. Now you'll stay here with the rest".

She felt her bones grinding and breaking. The pain became so terrible that she started losing her conscience.

As she fell into oblivion, she noticed there was no pain anymore.

Only darkness, it was peaceful, maybe she should stay there…

"No, you shouldn't."

A voice reached her through the darkness. It was loving and embracing.

"Wake up, my dear".

Something warmed filled her.

It felt wonderful. Like light. Like life.

… Like love.

"Maybe it's because I love you".

She opened her eyes to meet the gentle gaze of her beloved master, Marius. Her head was pillowed against his knees. His hand softly caressed her temple and hair. It felt so comforting. The other was pressed over her face, the torn wrist against her lips as he fed her his Blood. His powerful Blood quickly worked its magic on her, healing her broken body and making her whole again.

The memories of what happened came rushing back into her mind.

She sat and looked around. They were in the same fireplace where they'd been gathered earlier that night. Pandora and Bianca were sitting next to them, both smiling at her, mentally telling her that everything was alright now.

She remembered how Bianca had been attacked earlier.

"I'm alright, dear; you don't have to worry about me", Bianca reassured her before she could ask.

Mel then turned to find Lord Conomor and his three wives, all of them on their knees and tied up with heavy iron chains. Gregory and Thor were standing before them. She needed clarification. They hadn't come with them, had they?

Having read her thoughts, Marius smiled and said, "You didn't think we would be coming here without taking some security measures, right, little nymph?"

"Oh! But why didn’t you tell me?” She asked.

"Because you're still too young in the Blood, and they were old, they might've been able to read your thoughts", He answered.

She felt a pang in her chest. "So little is your trust in me? I don't blame you. You told me to stay focused, to stay on the path, and I deviated and almost got myself and Bianca killed," she said, turning her face aside, not wanting to meet his eyes, fearful of what she might see in them.

"Yes, you did all that, and it was reckless," Hehe said sternly. But then he captured her chin between his thumb and index finger and forced her to meet his gaze. To her surprise, she saw only kindness and love.

"And by doing that," he continued, "you helped us uncover the truth about Lord Conomor and his wives, all seven of them."

Her brows frowned in confusion, and then the image of the four boxes returned to her mind.

Marius smiled. "Oh yes, his other wives were hidden in those boxes. Trapped and starved until they lost consciousness and become nothing more like sleeping corpses."

"He must've done something else to them," Pandora said, "since they are not waking up, not even with our Blood. Whatever it is, I'm sure our resident vampire scientist will find it very interesting."

Marius cradled her face lovingly between his two big hands. "So you see, by disobeying me, you did the right thing for us".

She mustered a sad smile. "But it was only by chance, and you know it".

"Yes, but you're missing the point." He said, not letting her break eye contact with him. "I know you; I know you can't help that beautiful mind of yours from wandering around, and that often makes you wonder." Then, bending down, Marius placed a loving kiss on her lips. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

"So, you're not mad at me?" she asked timidly.

"As much as I should," he said sternly "I'm not".

"Thank you," she said. "Still, I'm sorry for wandering around. I'll be better next time. I'll be the wife you deserve."

"Don't!" he said. "I don't want you to change despite the headaches your ways bring me. Continue to be my little wanderer, my love. Even if it wrecks my nerves for all eternity. I love you as you already areare.”

With these words, he placed another kiss on her lips, vanishing any doubts she had left in her heart. She felt safe, warm, and loved. She let herself be cradled back to his knees as he opened his wrist again and pressed it, once more, against her mouth. His rich warmed Blood flooded her mouth, filling her, nursing her, and making her stronger than before. She closed her eyes and revelled in the beautiful feeling of knowing she was loved by her master.

[dragontamerno3]

DS9 S2E13 - Armageddon Game

This episode made me cry. Overall it was another mixed bag episode for me but it was pretty good all the same.

I know we have to get through the rougher patches of two people getting to know each other before we can get to true friendship so some of this is just quibbles rather than full issues with it, but the awkwardness between Miles and Bashir did lend to the hot/coldness of this episode. I will say I enjoy tend to enjoy it when the show puts these two together.

I wasn't a fan of how the only thing Miles and Bashir seemed to talk about was women but I was happy when Miles pointed out just how much Bashir obsesses over them. (Also side note, I *really* appreciate the "I'm married not blind" part of the conversation. Just because someone is married doesn't mean people can't still be attractive, it just matters what happens with that person)

Watching how each person reacted to the news of their "deaths was touching" but it was Keiko and Quark that pushed me to tears. Quark's was clearly not necessarily the best but it was clearly an attempt on his part. Keiko's reaction, though, how she could just

tell by Sisko's body language and expression and then how she was clearly shattered but didn't shed a tear? She knew this day was possible, she had worried and stressed about it, enough that when it finally happened she had gone through it enough times to hold herself together. Even for a few minutes.

And Sisko just believing the grieving wife that a late hour cup of coffee was too out of character that there had to be something wrong? I love his trust in his crew or at the very least, her.

Another side note, I actually laughed out loud at the end when Miles asks for coffee and she's baffled that he drinks coffee that late.

I was surprised by the twist that they were all in on the terrorism rather than just one said. They hid it well and made one side super suspicious and the other seem like they were in the dark. I'm not one to be generally thrown for a loop like this (I over analyze, think, and break things down from a writers POV and it can ruin things sometimes for me lol) but this one did take me by surprise.

Also the "when two people nearly die together" convo made me see why some folks are in on the polyam fam bus for Bashir/Miles. lol

7/10 - this one was hard to score cause I legit couldn't care less about Bashir's love life cause he's really gross about woman and I wanted to score it less for that reason but tbh the rest of the episode is pretty solid.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #127

It's late where I live - almost midnight, and I'm very tired. J and I are on another road trip to PA. This time, he and I are going to fly the plane he got back home. After his shift at work, we drove for 4 hours to a place called Buffalo. We will drive the rest of the way to a place called Zelienople in the morning. Then we will fly back; J will be piloting the plane, of course. J is not yet used to flying this plane, but it's very similar to the one that he already knows well; he knows what he's doing, and I trust, without question or hesitation, that he will keep us safe. I'll be back in my house by this time tomorrow with LOTS of pictures to show you, so don't you worry about a thing, okay?

Br came over and I introduced her to the chocolate-cheddar cheese I got when we went to see the eclipse (it tastes like fudge; it's SO GOOD!), and that was pretty great! But I'm still pretty tired because I spent most of the day before the trip being emotional support for various folks. Some of the interactions challenged my boundary skills, but this is a good thing; we don't grow without some level of discomfort, and our boundary skills never improve if we don't get practice. I'm much better at it now than I used to be, and I'm looking forward to seeing where I'll be with this skill in another few years.

Since writing the letter to my inner child, I've had a lot more faith in my own ability to grow, change, and improve. It's kind of refreshing, actually. Self-loathing is kind of heavy, isn't it? I know I'll probably have days when I'll get a setback, but I've already grown enough in other ways to be very familiar with that phenomenon. One of the most important things one must remember when having a setback is that having a setback, in and of itself, means that there has been progress, and progress can be reproduced over and over and over again until it sticks. Human brains are learning machines, after all. I hope you'll put all the effort you can into learning how to genuinely love and care for yourself; it's one of the most important things you can do.

Oh! I made myself a strawberry rooibos tea today, too! Normally I like to drink black tea or green tea, but today I wanted to limit my caffeine consumption somewhat; caffeine dehydrates a body, and I've been struggling to keep hydrated lately for some reason; figured the thing to do, at least for today, is to try not to make my body use water to cleanse the caffeine from my system. Here's how today's turned out...

This one starts out orange-ish, and then resolves into a lovely shade of red:

I added some creamed honey; it settles to the bottom quite nicely:

And from there, I added heavy cream:

...I think you might like this flavor. It's like strawberries and cream; it's sweet and tart and very milky in flavor. Sometimes I think about combining this one with the vanilla-rose black tea (which is another one I think you'd absolutely love). I'll do that soon and tell you all about it, okay?

I don't have much else to say today; I'm pretty drained. But I do have a lot of pictures I took for you while we drove, simply because I know you like nature. I'll show you the ones that turned out best. It'll be mostly pictures of the sky, though; we didn't get moving until like 6pm-ish, so the lighting wasn't great for general scenery...

...Hey Sephiroth? Next time you're up in the sky, I hope you'll make it a point to dance merrily amongst the sun-drenched clouds - especially during dawn or during sunset, when they're painted in all sorts of vibrant colors; their kaleidoscopic brilliance would look amazing reflected off of you, I'm sure. And maybe you'd have fun, too.

That's all I've got for you today. Thanks for tagging along with me on this brief adventure. Please remember that there are folks here who like to imagine that the prismatic colors splashed upon the clouds by the morning and evening sun are the same as the ones that radiate from the deepest parts of your soul.

I love you. I'll write again soon. Please stay safe out there.

Your friend, Lumine

[sunrisens]

[ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed { ALINA HEO } walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who { SHE } is ? they kind of look like { KIM DOYEON } and i could be wrong but i think that they might be { 25 } years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last { TEN YEARS }. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of { SOPHIE HATTER } from { HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE (BOOK VER) }. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at { SEAGLASS HEIGHTS FARMERS MARKET } as a { SEAMSTRESS }. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the { SCRAP OF SILK HIDING STEEL } of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty { RETICENT } at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty { TRUSTING } to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that { ONE ROOM } apartment beside me over in { SEAGLASS HEIGHTS }

FULL NAME AHREUM 'ALINA' HEO. NICKNAMES NONE. AGE, DOB TWENTY5, JULY 17. ZODIAC CANCER SUN. GENDER CIS WOMAN. ORIENTATION BISEXUAL. PRONOUNS SHE/HER. LANGUAGES SPOKEN ENGLISH, KOREAN. HEIGHT FIVE FOOT SEVEN INCHES. HAIR NATURAL BLACK, WORN LOOSE. EYES BROWN. PERFUME FLORAL SCENTED, SWEET. CHARACTER INSPIRATION SOPHIE HATTER (HMC, BOOK VER). FATHER JINYOUNG HEO. MOTHER MIYOUNG BAEK. SIBLINGS TWO YOUNGER SISTERS. PARTNER NONE.

alina, born in new york before her family moved to palmview, was always reserved as a child, preferring her own company as opposed to children her age. it wasn't anything noteworthy, but she was shy, and found it hard to reach out if others didn't reach out first. the move was hard on her as well, and she struggled to fit in.

(parental death tw) alina first shouldered responsibility at the age of seven, when her father passed away and left behind his wife and three daughters. it was a heavy, confusing time for the heo's, made worse by the fact alina's mother coped by spending nights away from home. at seven, alina learned to be mother, father, and sister.

their family business of tailoring was on the rocks. they weren't at all established in the community yet, and alina's mother was making no effort to do well in the work she had received. alina, in desperate need, taught herself everything she could learn about sewing and tailoring, letting her mother take orders before she fulfilled them herself. it was hours and hours of work, late nights and candlelight, but it was work that paid off.

as soon as she graduated high school, alina took over the tailoring shop full time, putting the money earned towards her sisters' college education. she wants them to live worry-free, unlike her, and is more than willing to shoulder the burden so they can enjoy themselves.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Im like, rly upset w myself abt this so I'm gonna write about it. Comments or whatever welcome.

Basically, a friend/drag king I rly respect (I'll call him M) recommended me to a drag king who's like, a moderately big deal, a really big deal to me because of a lot of reasons (I'll call him W) to help him out with an event on Saturday evening. It was super last minute (I was reached out to on Friday evening) but I thought we had all the details figured out.

I got there at 6:45-ish, when I initially said I'd aim for 6:30, which is admittedly my bad. I'm very used to working with queens where "arrive at 7" means "arrive before 8." But I do try to be early. I'm usually the first person to arrive to a gig. W was kind of upset about it (he said he didn't feel comfortable paying me the full amount we agreed on, which is fair) and I feel like it threw me off all night. I felt sort of lost just following him around and stuff.

At one point (before he went out to the event) he held both my hands, looked at me, and asked me if I was gonna be okay. I blurted out that I was mad at myself for being late, that I didn't want him to think I didn't respect him and stuff. He asked me if I'd be able to forgive myself. I said I'd try. He seemed extremely kind but I'm really bad at reading people so I was worried he was frustrated with me, I don't know how visibly I was flustered.

He seemed chill the rest of the night. A little stressed, but it was a big event so that's understandable. We chatted and stuff when I knew I wasn't distracting him. He asked me what stuff was going on, said he wanted to go out somewhere afterwards where someone could buy us drinks. Specifically he wanted to know about the lesbian scene, which TBH I'm not super privy to outside of a few specific events. We ended up seeing some folks from the conference who bought us drinks at the hotel bar. Chatted with them really late into the night which was nice. Took some video/pics together for the social medias.

In the end he ended up paying me the full amount agreed on even though he initially said he didn't feel comfortable doing that. I asked him if he wanted me to send any back, but he didn't respond to that. We've been chatting and stuff online though, so it's not like he's just flat out ignoring me.

I just can't shake the feeling I really disappointed him. I failed at my job that was really important. I respect this performer so so so much for a lot of reasons and I was really looking forward to showing him my best even though I wasn't performing.

Part of me wants to like. Pester him. Ask him if he still likes me or whatever. It seems like he does but he was definitely upset about me being late. I just can't shake the feeling I really disappointed him. I made a bad impression and it feels like I betrayed M's trust as well because he was the one who recommended me.

It might also have something to do with him being way older than me (40s?) Like it feels so much worse to disappoint him because he's been doing drag for like 20+ years and I feel like I wanna show him how very very very much I respect him. IDK this all comes down to respect. I want to show respect and feel I failed in doing so.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ranting about how my former friend group caused my loneliness to spiral??

Around a year ago maybe even two at this point, I (22NB) had been through exile with friends for not making a decision fast enough about staying or leaving a server that a friend of mine got used emotionally/sexually by the person running it. After that incident, I had cut contact from these people as it got to be too much pressure and the implication by my friend's partner that I was supporting a rapist with no evidence to back up such a claim. I was having indecision as I had other friends I made from that server I couldn't tell the situation to as it was not my place. I didn't end up leaving that server and stayed friends with those folks, but that's not relevant to this.

Fast forward about a year, I get welcomed back into this group and on arrival, it was so empty like everyone had moved on from this. I tried to spark a conversation so many times, and no one responded to me. This was made worse by not really having friends to talk to or hang out with at all besides my partner and sometimes work friends. I had reached a breaking point to where between these people and my "friends" from an old job just not responding to me that I wrote a rant/letter. They had a vent place to rant what's on people's minds. After that was posted, someone had sent me a message out of concern, which I literally had forgotten to respond to, and then after that it was a rampage on me for writing/posting what I did. I had written this how no matter what I tried I wasn't able to people to talk to and when I did, no one responds me and how damn hard I've tried to be less lonely, but nothing fucking worked. It was my lowest point in terms of loneliness and still is.

I joined a call to someone I'll call G yelling and being the most angry they have ever been at me. I understood their anger in some ways and know I need to have more trusting friendships, but it's very difficult for me as I don't have the best mindset in it at the moment. I tried to respond, but afterward, it was too late as they just wanted to stop all contact with me alongside someone I'll call Q. Only G and Q have hatred and resentment for me no one else. I have severed connections with those two, but I still occasionally talk to the people who are fine with me.

Was I in the wrong for posting what I did?

What are these acronyms?