#it's the VITRIOL. the CONSTANT hatred

[explodingcrayon]

old people are crazy in an almost impressive way, dude. was talking to my mother about dungeons & dragons the tabletop game and she somehow took it as a sign that i wanted to listen to her rant about the green new deal and nuclear power and other fux news rhetoric. then was happy to go back to game design talk. like she genuinely fully believed the two were not vaguely related, but directly related, almost basically the same topic kind of related. That's a level of mental gymnastics that even cirque du soleil can't compete with.

[fatespalm]

cw ableism-

my coworkers were having a horrifically ableist conversation around autism & adhd the other day and like… it sucked hard and i don’t really wanna think about it too much. but it’s interesting, i’ve noticed like. vestiges of this rhetoric, as so many people are realizing that they’re autistic, adhd, it feels like people are *this* close to realizing that “neurotypicality” “being normal” “not being crazy/insane” is actually just an arbitrary social binary that moves/transmutes/is more or less violent based on so many intersections of perception, that the “spectrum” of “disorder” is actually just the spectrum of fucking human existence, that actually — shocking — the problem is the myth of whiteness, the problem is the system of production & capital & how useful any given individual is for that purpose at any given time — but instead it seems like so many people’s rhetoric has shifted toward “they’re just faking it” and/or “i fucking hate addicts so much”

[seraphim-soulmate]

it's funny how when ur in university like you're super stressed out all the time but there's also this sense of peace of being upheld by a surrounding structure. your days have plans to them, your year is mapped out academically following a trajectory. even if you're going fucking insane it feels like it'll be okay because you're working towards something.

and hey. do you know what happens when you fail one year and get kicked out? it all loses any meaning.

suddenly you're not working towards anything but nothing has really changed in your life. you're not really any more prepared to face life than you were before, in fact you're probably less prepared because the rug just got swept out from under you. and suddenly you're in this limbo state of "shit. well, what do I do now?" and maybe you plan on waiting the allotted time period to try and re-enroll but you still have to figure out what to do with your time and you try to convince yourself that it'll be different two years from now and maybe you won't fuck it up and maybe things will be different. for you and for the program.

but oh god do you have this deep profound fear now that you'll never accomplish any long-term goal. suddenly, you find yourself thinking you won't be successful on anything that requires dedicated and sustained talent over periods of time. so even redirecting your energy towards another goal is terrifying because if you could give up on this, what means you won't give up on the next thing? what does this reflect upon you as a person- are you a quitter, a failure?

but um. we stay positive ✌️☺️

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[zehecatl]

like don't get me wrong, skinny people can for sure get bullshit, but saying it's the same as what fat people have to deal with is like. bro 💀

like fucking come back to me when you have to deal with constantly being worried about being able to physically fit in places like seats, constantly unable to find clothes that actually fit, be a literal laughing stock for the whole god damn world, like damn shut the fuck up lmao

[hold-him-down]

😌 - Someone gently brushing their hair and/or ✋ - A hand carding gently through their hair- for Leo pls!! i love comfort! (is it rlly ok if i send a bunch? cause i will lol)

tw: creepy whumper, intimate whumper, withdrawal, drugs, human experimentation, institutionalized slavery, nonsexual/semi-sexual nudity

notes: not leo, not comfort.

✥ ✥ ✥

“My boy,” Handler Jake Ward says, regarding the usually-feisty brunette with all the sympathy in the world. “What they’ve done to you.”

River's wrists are raw where he’s pulled against the restraints at, reportedly, a near constant rate for the last two weeks. His breaths are so heavy, each one a victory in its own rite. 

His hair is drenched in the sweat that covers every inch of his battered body. There’s still an obvious hatred in his eyes, but he does not have the energy to spew the vitriol that he normally reserves for their time together.

Jake runs his fingers through the worker’s hair, brushing it gently out of his face. He doesn’t even pull away. He doesn’t even fucking flinch.

When they send them to the A-wing for ‘projects’, they never quite know in what shape will return. Or when. Or how they’re coping with the whole thing. It keeps his job interesting, he thinks, but it also makes for stressful reunions sometimes. 

He has a soft spot for River, a spirited little shit from day one who, when he breaks, it is only after weeks of fierce defiance. Even then, it only lasts a few hours before he decides he’s ready to roll again and pulls his nails back out.

Jake asked the director for the details of the project earlier that day under the guise of using the information to aide in reintegrating the worker back into daily life in C-wing, but he said it was fucking confidential.

Jake runs his fingers through the tangles over and over until the waves look right again, and wonders, idly, how long this part will last.

“They really weren’t messing around, were they,” he says to himself as he unbuckles each strap. A tear runs down the corner of River’s eye and buries itself into his hair, and while Jake doesn’t think for a second that it’s anything other than a symptom of the withdrawal, he pretends, for a minute, that the boy is so happy to see him that he’s crying.

“You’re doing good,” he says, lifting River’s head to comb through the back before gently lying it back on the table. “I’m gonna move you to the tub.” Jake stands back and looks over River's body, checking for obvious signs of significant injury. He finds none, which isn’t surprising. Drug trials usually cause more damage inside than out.

River tries to speak, but it’s almost impossible to understand with the hoarse edge of his massively over-used voice. His poor throat, Jake thinks, running his thumb along his Adam's Apple. Still, Jake is pretty sure he knows what the boy says. He leans in and whispers, “What was that?”

He sees River’s mouth form a 'ffff’ a moment too late and the 'fuck you' cuts through the silence.

Almost reflexively, he has his hand around River’s neck. He squeezes it tightly, just hard enough that River’s breath cuts off, and says, “Welcome home, baby. I missed you, too.”

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 17th of February, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 17th of February, 2024

Question: How is the marriage of The Prince and Princess of Wales?

Note: As I shuffled and drew the cards, I felt a warm, giggling, bubbly energy, as if two people were flirting which each other. That was joined by a loving and protective energy, and those two energies stayed with me throughout this reading.

Interpretation: They have been through troubles together and it has made them stronger as a couple

Card One: The Ten of Wands

This is a card of burden, of seeing your dreams turn to ash around you, of victimization and betrayal. The energy of this card is very clear - it is of burdens faced together and the stresses placed on the marriage by facing those burdens together. At first I thought this might be Catherine's recent surgery, so I drew a clarifier for the card, and it was the High Priestess in reverse, which is secrets coming to light. It also speaks to me about hidden motives and feeling confused about what is going on.

This tells me that the Ten of Wands is referring to the situation with Harry. Both William and Catherine have been betrayed and victimised. They have carried the heavy burden of dealing with the Harkles while they were in the BRF and then dealing with the constant hatred and vitriol when the Harkles left the BRF. They must have spent time wondering why Harry was doing this to them and what his motives were, before it all became painfully clear.

The 'secrets coming to light' energy of the High Priestess in reverse tells me that there is something going on behind the scenes, and that something has also places stress on William and Catherine. I get the feeling that the stress is from horrible actions that have been revealed not just from Meghan, but also from Harry. The revealed secrets were so bad that it caused shock and confusion, a sense of 'I never thought he would do this' and 'did we ever really know this person'.

That sort of stress places a strain on a relationship. The good news is that the energy of the Ten of Wands is very much of them facing these burdens together. The strain has not driven them apart, instead it has strengthened their bond as they walk through these stressful days together.

Card Two: The Six of Wands

This is a card of success, achieving your goals, public recognition and a triumphant return. The energy of this card is of success and triumph, and it is ringing out through the reading. The marriage has survived the stress of the last five or so years and it is stronger than ever. The energy is of a marriage that is renewed, strong, thriving, that has regained everything that was temporarily misplaced during times of stress and that has found more to rejoice in as well. They have moved beyond being stressed by what the Harkles think or say about them. They are living for themselves and enjoying every minute of it. The dark clouds are gone and ahead is full of sunshine. It is a revitalised, happy, joyous energy, all the more joyous for the stress and sorrow that have preceded this stage. William and Catherine have come through their trials together and now they are enjoying every moment of their marriage and their lives.

Card Three: The Four of Swords in reverse

This is a card of recovering after a hard battle, of having had rest and healing and returning stronger than ever. One of the meanings of the Four of Swords is retiring from battle with a damaged reputation. When the card is reversed the wounds of the battle have healed, the damaged reputation is restored, and we go out into the world again full of vigour after our rest.

This is the energy of this card. Catherine and William are, of will be , refreshed from their rest, their passions are reignited, and they will go out into the world again. This card has a slight future energy to it - at the moment they are in the rest and refresh stage, and their passions are re-igniting, but soon they will return to the world, and their flame will burn bright for everyone to see. There is an energy of vindication here as well - they are going to be vindicated in the eyes of the world and any damage to their reputations will be restored. I think this is connected to the High Priestess in reverse as the clarifier for the Ten of Wands - secrets will come to light and in doing so any damage to their reputations will be shown as the slander/libel it is.

Underlying Energy: The Three of Wands

This is a card of expansion, of plans coming to fruition, of seeing your ships come in. It is also my card for the passing down of power in the BRF and the line of succession.

This card is giving me Prince and Princess of Wales energy. It tells me that William and Catherine have settled into their roles and their position is now a support to them, instead of something new that they are setting into. The settling in is done, the plans are clear, it is full steam ahead and watch the rewards come in. The energy speaks of a confidence in their roles that comes from having done the job for a while and knowing what it is about. It is no longer a new job, but instead it is a part of their working life, and they can draw support from that as everything is going as it should be and they don't have to worry about it.

Major Suit: Wands. Not in their PR aspect, but in their passionate, creative, life-is-an-adventure-and-isn't-it-exciting aspect. New ideas, new projects (maybe), and a new passion for life and each other,

Conclusion:

The marriage of The Prince and Princess of Wales has been under a lot of stress and pressure for the last 5-6 years. They have supported each other through this time and stood together against their troubles. Now they are reaping the rewards of that behaviour - a marriage that is renewed and stronger than ever, a rekindling of passions, and a clear future ahead of them.

[olderthannetfic]

As someone who shipped DekuMight during 2017 with all the hatred, vitriol, Anti-harassment, and constant messages about it never becoming canon and blah blah (I never expected it to be, suck my toes), hearing about all the bitching about what ships didn't turn canon. I'm just here like: Hah.

--

[displacedentities]

Took a lil break from the comic to take care of some serious business with my work, and get back on my bean bullshit /pos

100% the fault of the animated series on youtube by @rodamrix, recently rediscovered it after several years and my god!! It's come so far, and I love it so much!!! And it made me miss the space beans in a way I haven't in a long time ;u; So I remade my Among Us character, using features directly from my preferred in-game outfit!

Say hi to Cyan-tist (Cyan)!

I'll info-dump on my bean below the cut xD It's really long, you've been warned!

Backstory

Cyan worked in the specimen laboratory at MIRA HQ, occasionally taking trips off-planet for fieldwork and sample collecting. Cyan was very attached to her many pets, and would get engrossed in her work studying her specimens.

Unfortunately, she was caught alone in the specimen lab one day, and the impostor- Orange- who snuck into MIRA via transport vessel, sought to gain a new ally. Orange cornered and converted Cyan into an impostor by infecting her with the parasite, and once she turned, Cyan went into a feral hunger rampage, mindlessly killing and eating all of her pets and specimens in the lab. The grief of losing her beloved companions and all her work snapped her back into control of herself, only for Orange to praise her for the carnage. Outraged, Cyan turned on Orange, killing and eating him, too.

Not wanting to die for killing a seemingly innocent crew mate, Cyan outed herself immediately to her crew, handing over Orange's remains as well as their weapons during the meeting. Because Cyan never killed any actual crew mates, her crew decided to let her stay, on the condition that she be observed at all times via her Glitch Console (the Twitch pet lmao). She uses Glitch to stream her continued work in the lab, and keep in near constant contact with the rest of her team - it's also MIRA's way of keeping tabs on her, since she's on thin ice as a known impostor.

Cyan has a vitriolic hatred of other impostors, and can hardly conceive of another 'friendly' impostor like her existing. Whenever a hostile impostor shows up, all of her team have an alarm button on their tablets to call her, and 'deploy' Cyan to 'fix' the problem. This has regained some trust with her closest friends in her crew, though Cyan prefers to stay isolated in her laboratory with her new pets. She would love to find a cure for her condition, but is resigned to existing as she is, and it can't bring back the pets she lost. Cyan is soft on animals, robots, her fellow crew, and children, and has misused science lab equipment to make treats for young visitors. Don't mess with her work or she'll bite you.

Abilities

Cyan-tist is a Shapeshifter variant Impostor. She cannot turn into everybody she sees- however, she can transform into anything living she has ever eaten. The higher percentage of the creature she consumes, the better the disguise. She can shapeshift clothing from her own body matter. The 'cat hat' she once wore has become a physical part of her, the ears functional for hearing and movement, and the eyespots capable of sight, producing tears, and emoting.

Due to her initial feral rampage in the lab, Cyan can transform into a wide variety of crewmate pets and lab specimens- her favorites being the three forms of her former companions: a Doggy, a Headslug, and a Squig. She often uses these to spy on new arrivals undetected, attempting to sus out foreign impostors from the cohort. Cyan can adapt features to her existing body at any level she wants- for example, she can gain the fur coat of the Doggy, the wings of the Pouka or the Goose, or the tentacles of the Squig without needing to fully shapeshift. The Doggy form in particular has a heightened sense of smell, allowing her to detect if the scent of a foreign impostor is present, though it may not be sufficient to identify the specific individual from a crowd.

Cyan-tist's adaptive shapeshifting is powerful enough that she can gain the unique attributes of other impostors she has eaten. This includes her advanced chromatophores for changing color, which she acquired from Orange, the first impostor she killed and consumed. Very few impostors since Orange have had anything noteworthy to add to her repertoire of skills. Cyan swore to never eat a crew mate.

Completely self-indulgent Rodamrix Animated Series thoughts

Okay I couldn't help it, I wondered about what would happen if Cyan were to be present in the series. !!!SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, DO NOT READ THIS PART!!!

Original series- If she didn't adapt to the sudden climate shift of the impostor takeover, or stood with the crew in any capacity when they began to spread out of control, Cyan-tist is most likely dead. She would not have gotten along with many- if any- of the impostors within MIRA HQ, and actively would have stood against or tried to kill them, making her an enemy. I can't imagine Big Purple let her live if she tried anything. If by some miracle she DID survive, Cyan is most likely operating as a plant within the impostor hideout, smuggling supplies or otherwise tipping off the survivors as to the movements of the horde so crewmates can escape or avoid being discovered.

Alternate series- Cyan-tist is completely unaware of the plot that Crimson and the MIRA HQ heads have for selling off impostors/parasites and dissenters as test subjects. As such, she continues to operate in her specimen lab, on constant watch for new impostors to show up and threaten her crew and friends. The future arrival of Red, Purple, and Pink would set off HUGE alarm bells for her, and she would be on high alert the moment she detects they're impostors. Cyan would HATE Purple as a known killer impostor, be sus of Pink's no-thoughts-head-empty behavior- though she'd discover quickly he could be distracted with snacks- and not trust Red until his own crew vouches for him. Once the Skeld survivors confirm Red is innocent and a fellow 'good' impostor who saved their lives, Cyan would back off, but keep her eye on all of them.

[problemnyatic]

mythologizing abuse as this horrible thing that only evil, malicious Abusers do to Innocent Victims is a really, really dangerous way of thinking. You have to recognize that anyone is capable of causing harm, and that it is possible to address it and improve as a person after hurting someone.

This idea that harm is an Evil Act that comes from Bad People, or makes someone a Bad Person is a black and white framing that makes it incredibly difficult to actually address harm, and actually winds up protecting abusers.

Because that's just not how it works. It's not an accurate model of reality. So subscribing to it gives you some dangerous blind spots; you won't be looking for signs of abuse or harm from someone you believe to be a Good Person, and the people around you are very likely to be afraid to actually communicate with you when a line is crossed for fear of being made out to be a Bad Person.

Abuse is something you do, not something you are. It has nothing to do with who the individuals are, it's a description of the impact certain kinds of actions have on someone else. The idea that believing something bad or doing something hurtful defines something intrinsic to the person in question creates an environment where it is impossible to grow or change into someone who no longer does those things or believes those ideas; you've condemned that person as someone Inherently Bad, what's the point of trying to improve if nobody will give them the benefit of the doubt?

And, more to the point of what I want to get across here, thinking like this is unbelievably stressful. It puts you on constant eggshells forever - cross the wrong line, and you mark yourself as A Bad Person, someone deserving of punishment, vitriol, rejection, every and any hostility one might see fit to throw at you. It's fucking terrifying, you wind up believing that any mistake could be your undoing, that you have to do no wrong, have to convince others that you've done no wrong, that you're a Good Person, not someone who hurts others.

But that's the thing. Nobody's perfect, it's impossible to be. You can't know everything before it happens, you'll never have all the context for something before having to make a decision. Inevitably, you will cross a line, violate a boundary, realize something you were taught about the world is actually bigotry, and that you never questioned it until now. And you will have to reconcile with that. You need to be prepared to face that reality, again and again, at any moment, for the rest of your life.

Far more often than anyone wants to admit, abuse isn't a product of malice or hatred, it's a byproduct of someone well-intentioned who for one reason or another has a mental block keeping them from prioritizing someone else's needs and wellbeing as necessary. They behave in ways that hurt and shut down their victim because they can't wrap their head around the fact that that's what's going on, that they're hurting someone. Or if they do, they don't believe that there's a way to avoid it, or fix it, or change.

The mythologized model of the Evil Abuser who hurts the Innocent Victim because they're a Bad Person is more likely to create that exact kind of mental block than it is to protect anyone from harm. It makes every mistake the end, a personal apocalypse that collapses the situation around your feelings rather than addressing the harm done. It's dangerous.

Let go of the idea of Good People and Bad People. We're all just people, and we're gonna hurt each other sometimes. It doesn't need to be anything more than that. You can apologize, and try to change. You can be imperfect and still worth loving. If someone asserts otherwise, that says more about them than it does about you.

[luckystarchild]

I've been on a mental health hiatus from most social media for a month or so. TikTok noticed and started pushing my older videos, probably trying to get me to come back. IDK.

They pushed one of my past almost-viral videos (like 800k+ views? IDK if that counts but w/e) in which I discuss my gender in a comical way. Love that video; it's a fun one. But too bad for me they put it on the WRONG SIDE OF THE APP.

I'm getting hourly messages of hate and have been for almost a week. Just constant vitriol. A nonstop drip-feed of hatred.

It's all aimed at my gender. Nothing I haven't heard before. Nothing I haven't experienced in this quantity. I've gotten worse, and much more of it, many times.

I'm thick-skinned enough to just delete the comments as they roll in. I don't engage. It won't help, and it won't make me feel better to fight. Best to just delete and move on.

Anyway. No real point to this post other than to warn folks that the internet can suck sometimes, and to be kind where you can. Every little bit helps. I know that from experience.

[argisthebulwark]

To be loved is to be changed - skyrim men

Includes: Vilkas, Brynjolf, Miraak, Erik the Slayer, Arnbjorn (all sfw)

Vilkas wouldn't feel himself changing. It was gradual, dozens of tiny shifts in how he saw the world. He wouldn't notice the way his tone softened or that constant buzzing annoyance faded into nothing. He wouldn't see what others could - the way his smiles came easier or the distance he'd maintained from others closing. It would finally hit him one night out of the blue. The Harbinger snoozing on his chest and his fingers combing through their hair, a book propped up in his free hand. The gaggle of new recruits would practically fall through Jorrvaskr's doors in a mess of drunken giggles and slurred words wrecking the hall's silence. Vilkas would shoot them all a warning glare as his hand lowered to cover the Harbinger's ear. They'd fall silent, making a show of tiptoeing down the stairs into their quarters when Vilkas realized what he'd done. There were no insults. He hadn't threatened to shut any of them up for good. That old anger that had been his companion throughout the years was gone, replaced by that gooey feeling the Harbinger always left him with. Their sleepy fingers closing around his arm would make him realize just who was at fault for the way he'd softened since their arrival but he couldn't find it in his heart to be angry.

Brynjolf had never known a sense of self. He was a thief, a right hand man, a pillar of support. He was whatever those around him needed to be. He could be a mentor or a student, a shadow or a distraction. He had learned at a young age that the easiest way to belong was to become what everyone needed most. His new recruit was the first person who made him want to be more. When they laughed at his jokes Brynjolf learned he was funny. When they asked about his past or his future they meant him not his place within the Guild. Brynjolf learned that he liked attention when it came from them. He wanted to be a whole person, someone who could reciprocate the love they showed him. Everything would change when the recruit grabbed him by the face, gaze intense when they stared at him and said those words. They shook Brynjolf to his core and he wanted to laugh them off, to tell them to not be silly and finish their drink but something deep down knew he had to change. "You are worthy of my love." Long after Mercer was taken care of Brynjolf would look back on who he had been - empty, no thoughts for himself, no time for anything other than his Guild. His most important lesson was learning how to set boundaries - "sorry, can't be there today. the wife's meetin' me in Whiterun." "I'll take care of it tomorrow." "I'm heading home for the night."

Miraak gave up on being a person ages ago. He became an enigma, a malevolent force to be reckoned with. No matter how much power he accumulated it was never enough. There was always more - someone stronger to take down, books being written with new knowledge, old gods turning their eyes back toward Tamriel. There was always something more. The Last Dragonborn ruined his carefully crafted world without trying. They brought him to his knees and didn't flinch under his gaze no matter how much hatred he flung at them. He wanted them to be scared and run far away from him, to escape before he ruined everything. He hadn't expected his anger to be met with tenderness, his vitriol countered by their kindness. When their hands stripped away his mask and Miraak was laid bare they didn't flinch. "I love you at your worst and I will love you at your best." The rage fizzled out at their words. Miraak allowed the Dragonborn to change him, to tear down the walls Mora had helped him build around his heart. He remembered how to be tender when the Last Dragonborn offered him their hand. They never faltered. Every change terrified him but he muscled through. He was vulnerable with the Dragonborn but he knew they would never attack. He would dig deep for whatever shred of humanity had survived and find joy in his new mortal life.

Erik would gladly welcome every exciting change in his life. He'd follow the Dragonborn wherever they went, soaking up every bit of wisdom he could - they helped him find a weapon, gifted him armor, showed him the world he'd only dreamed of before their arrival. He could hardly believe how strong he'd become during their time together. During the day he focused on his physical strength - precision with his blade and blocking blows with his shield. Once night fell and they sat in front of a crackling fire Erik would slowly gain an emotional strength he didn't expect. The Dragonborn's unwavering confidence in him wasn't something he'd experienced in Rorikstead. "I'm proud of you." They'd whisper against his shoulder and gods, Erik didn't realize how badly he needed them. His dreams of becoming a hero the bards sang of felt silly after his time out in the real world. When he looked at the Dragonborn he wanted nothing more than to be the person they saw in him. He wanted to become someone who made a difference. When Erik and the Dragonborn returned to Rorikstead after so many months away he wouldn't cower under his father's glare. He'd delight in the Dragonborn's hand in his when they regaled his family with tales of all the places they'd gone together. He was thankful for the boy who had dreamed of being an adventurer, the one who'd led him to the Dragonborn.

Arnbjorn was sure he would never love again. Despite Astrid's final betrayal he couldn't overlook the years of love and dedication they'd shared. He would settle into the new Sanctuary expecting nothing - contracts were all the same, after all. He would hate the way the Listener made him feel. He hated them for the way their smile flustered him and the way their laughter seemed to lighten his heartache for just a moment. He detested the knowing look on their face as if they could see right through his hatred to the truth he'd hidden away. The Listener would never approach him. Arnbjorn was infuriated - why did he want them to approach? He told himself that he wanted to rebuff them, a solid chance to draw a line between them. Yet he couldn't stop himself from leaping at any opportunity to bicker with them. Arnbjorn would start small. He stopped leaving the room when they entered and worked his way up - offering them a drink when they entered the kitchen or holding a door for them. The surprise in their voice would only make the guilt worse. When they returned to the Sanctuary shivering and lips blue from the cold he wouldn't think. Arnbjorn would wrap the Listener in his arms, skin overheated from the beast blood in his veins. He would allow them to curl into his body in search of heat or comfort, heart slamming shamelessly into his ribs with every brush of their hands. It took a long time but he opened himself up to the Listener. He would be shocked by how shamelessly they flirted with him after that first night and how much he liked it. He let them in, learning to live with the fact that his feelings for the Listener didn't invalidate the love he'd held for Astrid. He would become someone capable of loving again.

[dreamyintersexouppy]

honestly i think there’s a social damage to this constant transmisogynistic “discourse” that gets ignored a bit cuz like… the young (this isn’t a dig i check y’all’s ages youre Babies half the time) transmascs who participate in it are being closed off to an understanding of themselves and their position in society that they should rightly understand. them being ignorant of how gender and sex works and how society is structured to enforce its systems makes them unprepared to face their own oppression. and no i don’t mean transmisandry. considering it, or whatever other name you have for it, is just a transmisogynist smokescreen it lacks the framework for understanding and teaching about actual transphobia faced by transmascs and it does it’s ill gained followers a disservice simply by existing as a replacement for actual history and theory. it’s not a big deal cuz the primary danger of the people subscribing to these beliefs is the threat they pose to transfems in their vitriolic harassment campaigns and constant attempts at redefining us out of existence, but i have no doubt there will be a day where these boys will have to grapple with the fact that they lost years to believing in and advocating for these damaging ideas. they’ll have spent years in social circles that are kept together by fear and threats, they’ll have let themselves be walked over by the cis people who glom on to this rhetoric to excuse their own transphobia and hatred, they’ll have to realize that they’ve been lost and for a long long time and that it will take effort and even more time to dig themselves out and it won’t be kind to them. not all of them will hit that realization i know, but a lot of them will and how will they cope without their brothers and sisters to support them when they finally do, i just don’t know

[toxiclizardwrites]

WIP Wednesday

I'm finally finding the time to wrap up Chapter 10 of Love and Rage. It's not quite done yet, but here is an excerpt: ---------------

Jazz paced the ship depot, her arms folded across her chest. Naeva was on her way, and she had run out of excuses as to why the Comspike wasn't ready yet. It was easy enough to dismantle from the prototype ship to transfer to Delgado’s, but building a new one from scratch was a completely different story. She bit her lower lip in frustration and stared at the blueprints that lay scattered on her desk. It would take at least another week to get the design right, and then another to find the right parts to create another Comspike. Some of the tech needed was difficult to get and expensive, and the Fleet’s finances were already in the red. Naeva would not be happy. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the familiar sound of boots on metal as Naeva made her way down the hallway to the ship depot. Jazz took a breath as Naeva’s face came into view. These days, she didn't look like the Naeva that Jazz knew. Her eyes didn't have that cocky look anymore. Instead, they burned with hatred and a constant hunger for revenge. Jazz felt like she had to walk on eggshells around the woman that was once the love of her life, the woman who held her and laughed with her. Tears started welling up in Jazz’s eyes as she longed for the past, but she quickly blinked them away as Naeva approached.

“You know why I'm here angel”

The nickname would have once caused an involuntary smile to form on the ship technician’s lips, but now it sent an uneasy shiver down her spine. Jazz briefly wondered if she would ever feel that smile form again. 

“the design is finalized, but we need specialized parts. Once we get those, I estimate it will take about a week to build and install,” she said, walking over to the blueprints and running her hands over them like they had some secret that would save her from this conversation. 

Naeva scoffed and came up behind her, leaning forward so her mouth was near Jazz’s ear. “See the interesting thing is,” she started, the words causing every hair on Jazz’s neck to stand up, “we shouldn't need parts when the prototype ship had a working Comspike on it.” 

She clicked her tongue and rose to a standing position. “So I think, and by all means, angel, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're lying to me.” 

Jazz turned from the desk and opened her mouth to speak, but Naeva held a finger to her lips. “Don't. Don't fucking tell me.” She pushed her finger off of Jazz’s mouth and pulled out her dagger, flipping it around in her fingers. Jazz backed away, but the dagger was at her throat before she knew what happened. 

“To think,” Naeva said, her mouth inches away from Jazz’s face, “my love, my angel, would do such a thing,” her eyes shifted to meet Jazz’s gaze, the dagger still present and threatening at her throat. “Help a weakling. Help a traitor.” She emphasized the last word like it made her sick to utter. 

Tears rolled down Jazz’s face but anger welled up in her eyes. “He's my captain,” she said softly. “He saved me, took me in when I had nowhere to go…” Naeva growled and in some swift motion, pulled the dagger back and threw it forward so hard that it grazed Jazz’s face, leaving a line of Crimson behind, and with a thunk, stuck in the wall behind her. 

“Oh he saved me” she mocked, “well what about me? I loved you, I gave you everything.”

Jazz tried her best to stifle her sobs as anger and sadness took over. “Naeva, you're not yourself. Just stop,” she begged, trying to reach forward to touch her girlfriend. “You were loyal to Delgado. To the Fleet. It isn't too late.” 

Naeva took two steps forward and looked down at Jazz, their noses almost touching. “I'm going to find him and kill him.” She said with vitriol. “And since you won't help me, it looks like I have no choice but to get you out of the way.” 

A small nod and four hands were on Jazz’s shoulders and hips. “What are you doing?” 

Naeva didn't say a word as the pirates pushed Jazz forward and told her to walk. 

“You're going to the brigg.” Naeva said simply. “While you're there, you can think about who you're loyal to.” 

Jazz didn't bother to struggle as she was led out of the ship depot. “Naeva,” she whispered through tears, but she didn't respond.

[neoaya]

Hot take!!! (Nuclear tbh)

People are way too shitty to the LW devs, especially Yumeno Rote.

This guy is responsible for every single piece of non-story card character art in the game, that includes units, costumes, alts, expressions, Music Video CGs, etc. Seeing as a new unit is released per week, along with 2/4 event costumes and 2/3 rebirth costumes at the end of the month, this guy is at MINIMUM drawing 8 fully detailed illustrations and backgrounds per month, for three and a half years straight.

The only other gacha to my knowledge that has one artist doing all the character art like this is Limbus Company, which even then has a significantly longer period between new art being added to the game. (I'm aware there are likely a lot more, but most to my knowledge have multiple artists)

So when I see a post criticising Lost Word, what do you think is being criticised 90% of the time?

Is it:

The fact it's a gacha game

Genuine criticism of the game itself and its mechanics or story

Hell, even criticism of the questionable work practice of having one guy do all the game's art

If you guessed 4, "near insignificant nitpick of Rote's art, AUs shown, or a VA (in a game where you can pick from 3 for every character) because it doesn't fit within their headcanon in a game about multiple different universes" you'd be correct!

Don't get me wrong, I have seen the first two plenty of times, but they're always either fair critiques or people who just don't want anything to do with gacha games and don't care which is understandable.

But for 4? The sheer amount of hatred and seething vitriol people express for details most people wouldn't think twice about is insane to me. It never seems to come from a sincere place of disappointment but rather fear to fit in, like "Oh this relates to me, I better lay in to it as much as possible since everyone else shits on it, wouldn't want to give people the impression I'm weird for liking it after all". It just seems depressing to me that people feel the need to act miserable out of peer pressure and not wanting to stray from the popular opinion.

As someone's who played the game since launch at this point I feel more than qualified to tell you it's FAR from perfect, hell I wouldn't even call it all that good. Gameplay fluctuates from playing the game for you to forcing you to have a full understanding of the meta, grinding is a chore, drop rates are far too low, the nature of the game forcing normally evil aligned characters to act more reasonably, and I unironically think the lack of representation and downright bad writing for Aya until now is singlehandedly responsible for making her drop by one place 3 years in a row in the THVote popularity poll.

So why do I still play it after all this time? Because I genuinely just want to see what they do next. I like seeing what new takes on characters they come up with, I like seeing where the story goes, what the next event will be and I love Rote's art and all the other art contributed by the JP community, I even think the Hifuu and RoM section of the story is genuinely good. It's nice to have a constant and reliable stream of Touhou media to read through in-between the wait for actual new games.

Somehow I don't feel that guy in the middle would want to come on livestreams 3 and a half years after launch if he didn't find it fun, same goes for all the artists and doujin circles that have contributed their art and music, especially those with more than one card or song.

If you want anyone to blame, blame GoodSmile for publishing this game and making this the complete extent they're willing to promote it and Touhou as a whole. (Last new character from them was a Reisen nendo from six years ago btw!)

In conclusion, I think LW has objectively done more good for the series than harm. You can not understate the fact that this game is responsible for introducing Touhou to so many new people and giving the spotlight to characters that are otherwise overlooked. Inaccurate character portrayals are rarely an issue when the series embraces differentiating itself from the source material, that's the nature of doujin culture. That and it seems silly to try and gatekeep people who got into the series through Lost Word, telling them they're experincing it wrong only serves to turn them away and I don't blame newcomers when official touhou media is still hard to come across in the west and the three most popular games in the series still don't have a digital release.

As a tangent, I used to have a problem with how Aya was depicted in a lot of fan media, even from people here, but a friend taught me I shouldn't let those alternate interpretations ruin my enjoyment of her and that I shouldn't fault them for seeing her that way. I feel others should be able to learn from that.

(I definitely forgot some stuff but this is ranty enough as is, I just wanted to get it out of my system)

[azir-018]

summary:United against hate, you and Kylian Mbappe face the storm together, spreading love and kindness to triumph over negativity.

Weathering the Storm

The room felt suffocating, as if the walls were closing in around you, echoing the relentless barrage of hateful comments on social media. You had never anticipated the backlash, the vitriol that would be directed towards you, simply because you had fallen in love with Kylian Mbappe, a football superstar. It felt like a cruel twist of fate, as the love you had found was overshadowed by the relentless hatred of others.

Kylian watched your struggle, his heart breaking at the sight of your pain. He pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as if to shield you from the world's cruelty. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this," he whispered, his voice heavy with sadness. "Please remember, their words don't define you, nor do they change how much I love you."

The weight of his words sank deep into your heart, and you desperately wanted to believe in his unwavering support. But it was difficult to escape the relentless onslaught of negativity, the waves of doubt crashing against the shores of your self-worth.

Days turned into weeks, and the storm of hate showed no signs of subsiding. It seemed like every step forward was met with a thousand steps backward, and you wondered if you were strong enough to withstand the ongoing torment. Doubts gnawed at your spirit, threatening to erode the foundation of your relationship.

One evening, as you sat with Kylian, both of you feeling weary from the constant struggle, you found yourself voicing the thoughts that had plagued your mind for far too long. "Kylian, I love you, but I don't know if I can handle this anymore," you admitted, your voice laced with defeat. "The hate, the constant criticism, it's tearing me apart."

Tears welled up in Kylian's eyes, and his voice trembled as he replied, "I understand if it's too much for you. I never wanted you to endure this pain. But please know that without you, my life would be incomplete. You bring so much light and love into my world."

His words struck a chord within you, reigniting a flicker of hope amidst the darkness. You realized that your love for each other was a sanctuary, a place where you both found solace and strength.

In that moment, a newfound determination surged through your veins. You couldn't let the hatred extinguish the flame of love that burned between you and Kylian. It was time to rise above the negativity, to embrace your own worth and the happiness you deserved.

Together, you decided to take control of the narrative, to counter the hate with love and compassion. You both used your platform to spread positivity, to advocate for kindness and understanding. Slowly, the tide began to turn. For every hateful comment, there were now messages of support and admiration from fans who had seen the depth of your love.

But the path to healing was not without its challenges. There were moments when the pain of the hateful words seeped into the cracks of your heart, threatening to shatter your resolve. The public scrutiny continued, and it took a toll on your mental and emotional well-being.

In those moments of vulnerability, Kylian became your rock. He held you close, wiping away your tears and reminding you of your strength. "We are in this together," he whispered, his voice filled with unwavering determination. "You are not alone, and we will overcome this storm, no matter how long it takes."

Together, you sought refuge in each other's arms, finding solace in the love that bound you. You surrounded yourselves with a support system of friends and family who uplifted you, shielding you from the worst of the online negativity. Their support became a beacon of hope, a reminder that there was goodness in the world even when it felt like darkness was closing in.

As time went on, the storm began to lose its ferocity. The waves of hatred gradually receded, replaced by a sense of understanding and acceptance. People started to recognize that love knows no boundaries, that it transcends societal expectations and norms.

The journey was far from easy, but the love between you and Kylian remained steadfast. It had weathered the storm, emerging stronger and more resilient. The experience had taught you both the power of love and the importance of staying true to yourselves, no matter the opposition.

Together, you continued to use your platform to spread positivity and advocate for love and acceptance. You became a symbol of resilience, showing others that love can triumph over hate. The world began to take notice, and your story inspired many who were facing their own battles against prejudice and discrimination.

In time, the storm became a distant memory, a testament to the strength of your love and the unwavering support of those who stood by your side. You and Kylian emerged from the darkness hand in hand, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.

And as you looked into each other's eyes, you knew that together, you could weather any storm that came your way. Love had triumphed, and it would continue to be your guiding light, forever illuminating your path.

you can leave requests if you want (i write for all footballers)