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erazonpo3 · 3 years

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WOWM

so What Once Was Mine came out and I read it.

My General Thoughts are that this book was something of a rollercoaster but in like a pop up carnival with dubious safety regulations and diseases in the DIY log flume water kind of way. I had some fun reading it but I also feel like I picked up a rash.

If you're like me and you enjoy picking a book apart for morsels of interesting concepts then you might enjoy it, if you think holy shit why the fuck is a literal real historical serial killer in this book I need to see this then you might enjoy it, if you care about engaging plots and character beats then you probably won't.

If you want to ask me anything specific go ahead, but otherwise for more in depth thoughts: spoilers ahead

Basic Summary of the Plot

Okay so here's the deal. The story has the framing device of two siblings in a cancer ward, where one tells the other a story. I'll get into that later, but that's how it starts. Our actual story starts with a pretty long prologue: We learn that the King & Queen got the Moonflower thinking it was the Sunflower, Rapunzel was born with silver hair, and then baby Rapunzel kills a maid who accidentally hurt her when brushing her hair.

Oh, by the way, Max is a human man named Justin Tregsburg. Yeah.

Anyway, the royal family puts out feelers for legit witches who can safely take care of Rapunzel because the baby is too dangerous, and Gothel shows up to take her away. Queen Arianna visits Rapunzel once (but is only allowed to watch through a peephole) and decides watching another woman raise her child is too painful and throws herself into restoring the kingdom's orphanages instead.

Now we're in the present. Rapunzel is nineteen and she wants to go and see the lanterns (a mourning tradition of the Dead princess in this story). She tries to argue with Gothel but gets shut down, and Gothel makes her kill a chicken to prove the point that she can't go outside because she's too dangerous. However we as the audience already know Gothel plans to sell Rapunzel off as a bride or a servant or a weapon to some other nobles, because she's evil.

Also by the way Gothel still has access to our Sundrop Flower and is using it to live forever that's just a thing that happens in the background.

When Gothel is gone Rapunzel watches as a man (Flynn) stores a satchel in a tree outside of her tower, and that motivates her to leave the tower for the first time. Then she goes back inside the tower with her prize of a crown, and a skink she found and named Pascal. Rapunezl and Gothel have another spat, and Rapunzel decides she will run off to see the lanterns and she will find Flynn and make him her guide.

She ends up at the Snuggly Duckling and she doesn't find Flynn but she does find Gina, a young career criminal girl looking to break the glass ceiling. Gina agrees to help her find Flynn. They find Flynn, and he agrees to help guide Rapunzel to see the floating lanterns for a split reward of the crown with Gina.

The Snuggly Duckling gets burned down by Countess Bathory (yes that Elizabeth Bathory) and the Pub Thugs are pissed about it and also they're helping Rapunzel even though she didn't sing the I've Got A Dream song don't worry about it. We learn that the nobles that wanted to buy Rapunzel are now hunting her down so she can go to auction.

Gina takes them to her adopted mother's cottage. Gina's mother is a white witch, who goes by the name of Goodwife. She doesn't get an actual name she's just The Goodwife. Anyhow, the cottage is a magic safe space (for now) and Goodwife teaches Rapunzel that her hair isn't inherently evil and may not even be all that deadly! Rapunzel learns that her hair has other powers too, like the ability to turn skink Pascal into a sentient Chameleon. Yeah.

Also Goodwife tells Rapunzel she's the dead princess but this isn't like, an immediate call to action. Not a lot happens until we get this story's version of the Mother Knows Best Reprise where Gothel finds Rapunzel again but has to flee, but this Rapunzel has a bigger support network and isn't buying it. Flynn and Gina decide the safest course of action is to bring Rapunzel to the castle, but along the way she gets kidnapped by the Countess.

Gothel is pissed because she still wants the money for Rapunzel, so she rallies the armies of all the opposing bidders. Flynn and Gina convince Max the Man to send for his troops, and he joins them in going to the enemy castle. Flynn tries to sneak in, gets caught, and meanwhile there's a bloody battle out the front between the noble armies. Max jumps into the fray, Gina turns around and rallies the Pub Thugs.

Rapunzel uses her shrinking magic (!) to disappear half the castle and escape with Eugene, and the Pub Thugs arrive and basically end the battle. The Captain is dying but it's okay! Rapunzel turns him into a horse :) Also Rapunzel sees Gothel and tells her to fuck off.

The story ends with a tearful reunion between Rapunzel and her parents, Eugene and Gina are implied to be biological siblings, and things are good but of course in direct parallel to Cass Gina leaves at the end to become an adventurer. The end.

(There are a few other smaller plot beats, but you get the idea.)

MY THOTS

So here are my thoughts™.

Framing Device

I'll just state that I didn't like that the story was told via the vehicle of an older brother telling his 16 year old sister a different version of the Tangled Movie in a cancer ward. From what I've heard it also isn't normal for the Twisted Tales series to use a framing device for the AUs either.

I sympathise with the author's personal story, of course I do. That doesn't mean I'm stirred with compassion every time the flow of the story is interrupted to remind you to be sad because this is a story being told to a girl sick with cancer. It feels more than a little tragedy-porny rather than emotionally touching, and maybe that's because I'm too burnt out on real life tragedy to waste emotional energy on fictional cancer patients but we don't need to do Fault In Our Stars discourse again.

Real World References

This story goes heavy with Real World references. And another issue with the framing device as above is that you do feel like this is a story being told by someone namedropping every historical figure they know which makes it harder to get into the story.

There's like... a lot of references to Christianity, particularly in the prologue. There's a priest that thinks Rapunzel's hair is the work of the Devil or whatever. It's a lot. The Patriarchy is a thing. And that's not even getting into the Countess. I put it very succinctly in my notes so I'll paste it here:

I wish she’d just been an OC who could exist to chew scenery because the fact that she was a literal historical serial killer is super. Off putting. Like, she could have been an obvious reference to Bathory, but it feels like Miku Binder Hamilton levels of uncomfortable to me.

I miss Lady D.

Which basically sums up my problem with trying to take the setting of Tangled and put it somewhere in the Real World and somewhere on the Timeline. Who thought this was a good idea.

Misc. Thoughts

So, I used the five highlighter colours my ipad allows to organise my thoughts and organised them accordingly: Yellow for out of place IRL references, Blue for worldbuilding/character points that aren't plot relevant but still interesting, Pink for when something I find personally amusing happens, Purple for when the story feels like it's trying to 1-up the movie in some kind of way and Green for Heterosexual Nonsense. I'll touch on those last two in the Character sections but be prepared.

Also: for a book about giving Rapunzel killer hair, her hair isn't very dangerous. I wanted to see Rapunzel kill someone, and I'm disappointed that I didn't.

Characters

I'll do a deep dive into my thoughts about the characters before wrapping it up. I'm starting with Gina because she's honestly the easiest to get through.

Gina

Gina is a new character introduced for the story. She's a young woman trying to make it as a career criminal but keeps hitting that glass ceiling. So here's the down low, for all those who want to know: Gina is basically Cass, only not really. She's implied to be Eugene's biological sister, as previously mentioned, but you can imagine she's Cass the entire way through without breaking your immersion because if you imagined Cass if she were adopted by a Goodwitch rather than the Captain and had a looser, more wilderness survivor than trainee guard upbringing then you get Gina.

I liked Gina! I think she's fun as her own character too, and her best moments are when she's interacting with her mother Goody Goodwife, and she of course picks up a natural sibling rivalry with Eugene, but I was disappointed with how little she really bonded with Rapunzel because she needed to make room for Eugene and Rapunzel's romance.

Rapunzel

Okay, here's our protagonist. There's a notable effort to make Rapunzel more active in her destiny and whatever, and sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't. I was worried they'd try to go full butt-kicking girlboss with her but I was pleasantly surprised that Rapunzel was pretty useless in most scenes, genuinely love to see it.

With a more intimate look into Rapunzel's psyche through the medium of prose, we see Rapunzel really questioning Gothel's behaviour even before she leaves the tower, and while I appreciate that she can develop her own cynicism I feel it starts unnecessarily early. This is my purple colour; the movie needs to be "fixed" by showing the readers that this Rapunzel is quicker to distrust Gothel. She's also quicker to hatch a plan to go outside of the tower on her own, and she makes a plan to make Flynn her guide for the lanterns even though he never stumbles upon her in the tower- and even though she has a perfectly rational reason not to trust him which is that he is a stranger and a Wanted Thief.

In the moments where it does work is when Rapunzel is surrounded by her new support network: Flynn, Goodwife and Gina, who encourage her to question Gothel's sincerity, and Rapunzel comes up with her own defences for Gothel so that she can poke through them herself.

I have some other thoughts about Rapunzel's hair and her powers, like how the story provides the interesting concept that her hair gets different powers with the different phases of the moon, but a lot of the powers are uhhh stupid and also I feel like it really robs the story of the whole gripping conflict of "Yes I'm Rapunzel Yes my hair kills people what of it".

In as far as just Rapunzel herself though, she still felt pretty in character nonetheless, and maybe that's all I can ask.

Flynn Rider / Eugene Fitzherbert

My boy I am so sorry. They neutered my boy.

Long story short: Eugene in this story is the sexy lamp. He contributes nothing to the plot except to be there for Rapunzel to drool over. And of course because he won't get any character development, he starts from the very beginning as a sweet soft boi with none of the Flynn Rider characterisation from the movie because we don't have time for that, he needs to be husband material stat.

His whole character is the colour green for Heterosexual Nonsense.

So, here's the problem. In the movie, there's not a lot of time for ~friendship~ between Rapunzel and Eugene because they kind of immediately see each other as a romantic prospect. And whatever, it's a movie and there's only so much time. But this book had the opportunity to take things a bit slower and instead chooses to make Rapunzel get jealous whenever Eugene and Gina interact and for her to be constantly wishing he was holding her hand.

Say what you will about Lost Lagoon, but it tells a good romance story just by virtue of not intending to be a romance story, because the author is trying to convey a strong bond between Rapunzel and Cassandra without using "and they kiss" as a cheatcode. What Once Was Mine says "he was a boy, she was a girl, could it be any more obvious?" and leaves it at that.

Now as for how this all pertains to Eugene's character? Well, it just robs him of any flavour. In the movie there's a clear distinction between Flynn and Eugene, when we learn Eugene's real name about halfway through. We see a clear difference between the Flynn we knew- kind of an asshole, wanated to drop Rapunzel off at the Snuggly Duckling and get rid of her- and Eugene, who is sincere and chooses Rapunzel as his New Dream in opposition to his Old Dream of living alone on an island with a bunch of money.

This version of Eugene is basically Eugene all the way through, because the plot doesn't really need Eugene there but he has to be there because it's a Tangled AU so there's no Rapunzel rescuing Flynn from the guards and healing his hand scene, he just loves her immediately and that's that. They have a little spat at one point but it's cleared up later and not because they actually communicate but because they kiss.

Rapunzel only learns Eugene's real name at the very end of the story, and gives a speech about how Eugene is the real him, but it's just so flat because 'Flynn' has been sincere this whole time? Anyway he does nothing of value for the entire story except be there for Rapunzel to lust after. Eugene I'm so sorry.

Gothel

Gothel's sort of the Big Bad and is characterised as an abusive asshole, the usual. I wish there were a bit more nuance to her character but then again in this story she's not just being passively evil- taking care of Rapunzel for selfish reasons but nevertheless maintaining the status quo- she's being actively evil in trying to sell Rapunzel off.

It's notably funny that Gothel sees the Countess Bathory and is like "what the fuck".

Anyway Gothel in this story also feels very weak in part because this Rapunzel is more critical and in part because this Rapunzel has a new support network. It's for that reason the Mother Knows Best Reprise scene doesn't really work, because the original has Gothel pit Rapunzel against Eugene, whereas she can't do that here so it remains a Gothel vs Rapunzel thing.

She gets a boring death as an epilogue addendum that someone rips out the Sundrop flower, which tbh? lame. It would be a lot more fun if it were open ended but I am also preferential to Rapunzel actually using her killer hair to kill someone. Please

Captain Justin Tregsburg

It's Max. He was a human but then he got turned into a horse. what the fuck you guys

#how did you spend your day

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lochtayboatsong · 3 years

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The Jesus Christ Superstar essay absolutely no one asked for.

Last weekend, I watched the pro-shot of the 2012 arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar starring Ben Forster, Tim Minchin, and Melanie C, because it was Easter and it was up on YT for the weekend. I never managed to do my annual listen-through of Leonard Bernstein’s Mass this year, as is my usual Easter tradition, so I figured “Why not watch/listen to this instead?” It was my first time seeing and hearing JCS in full, and Y’ALL, it has been living rent-free in my brain ever since. I have a mighty need to get my thoughts out, so here they are, in chronological order by song.

1) Prologue: I love the way JCS 2012 makes use of the arena video screen. The production design and concept clearly took a lot of inspiration from the “Occupy ______” movement, which makes it feel a bit dated now. But every single production of JCS is a product of its time period, so this is a feature and not a bug.

2) Heaven On Their Minds: This is a straight-up rock song. It wouldn’t be out of place on any rock and roll album released between 1970 and 2021, and it boggles my mind that Webber and Rice were both in their early twenties when they wrote it. Also, the lyric “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” hits hard no matter the year.

3) What’s the Buzz: A+ use of the arena screens again, this time bringing in social media to set the tone. Also, this song establishes right from the outset that Jesus is burnt out and T I R E D by this point in the story. Seriously, can we just let this man have a nap?

4) Strange Thing Mystifying: Judas publicly calls out Mary and Jesus claps back. Folx, get you a partner who will defend your honor the way Jesus defends MM in this scene. Also Jesus loses his shoes and is mostly barefoot for the remainder of the show.

5) Everything’s Alright: Okay, this is one of the songs I have A LOT to say about. First, it’s important to know that I was a church musician throughout all of my adolescence and into my early adulthood. The pianist at the services I usually played at was a top-notch jazz pianist, and also my piano teacher for about six years while I as in high school and undergrad. (Incidentally, I had a HUGE crush on his son, who was/is a jazz saxophonist and clarinetist and also played in the church band, but that’s a story for another day.) One of the hymns we played a few times a year was called “Sing of the Lord’s Goodness,” which is notable for being in 5/4 time. Whenever this hymn was on the schedule, it was usually the recessional, or the last song played as the clergy processed out and the congregation got ready to leave, so we were able to have some fun with it. After a couple verses the piano player and his son would usually morph it into “Take Five,” a famous jazz standard by Dave Brubeck which is also in 5/4 time. Anyway, the first time I listened to this song in full, it got to Judas’s line “People who are hungry, people who are starving,” and I sat bolt upright and went “HOLY SHIT THIS IS ‘SING OF THE LORD’S GOODNESS/TAKE FIVE.’” And I was ricocheted back in time to being fourteen and trying to keep up with this father/son duo in a cavernous Catholic church while simultaneously making heart-eyes at the son. Final note: This is the only song in the musical to feature all three leads (Jesus, Judas, and Mary Magdalene) and is mostly Jesus and MM being soft with each other in between bouts of Jesus and Judas snarling at one another.

6) This Jesus Must Die: I LOVE that all the villains in this production are in tailored suits. LOVE IT. Also, Caiaphas and Annas are a comedy duo akin to “the thin guy and the fat guy,” except in this case it’s “the low basso profundo and the high tenor.” Excellent use of the arena video screen again, this time as CCTV.

7) Hosanna: My background as a church musician strikes back again. It honestly took me two or three listens to catch it, but then I had another moment of sitting bolt upright and going “HOLY SHIT THIS IS A PSALM.” Psalms sung in church usually take the form of call-and-response, with a cantor singing the verses and the congregation joining in for the chorus. If I close my eyes during this song, I have no trouble imagining Jesus as a church cantor singing the verses and then bringing the congregation in for the “Ho-sanna, Hey-sanna” chorus.

8) Simon Zealotes: This is part “Gloria In Excelsis” and part over-the-top Gospel song. Honestly it’s not my favorite, but it marks an important mood change in the show. The end of “Hosanna” is probably Jesus at his happiest in the entire show, and then Simon comes in and sours the mood by trying to tip the triumphant moment into a violent one. Jesus is not truly happy again from this moment on.

9) Poor Jerusalem: Also not my fave. It kinda reads like Webber and Rice realized that Jesus didn’t have a solo aria in Act I, so they came up with this. But it has the distinction of containing the lyric, “To conquer death you only have to die,” which is the biggest overarching theme of the story.

10) Pilate’s Dream: Pontius Pilate might be the most underrated role in this entire show, and I love that this production has him singing this song while being dressed in judge’s robes.

11) The Temple: The first half of this is one of the campiest numbers in Act I, at least in this production, and it’s awesome. The second half is one of the saddest, as Jesus tries to heal the sick but finds there are too many of them. Also the whole scene is almost entirely in 7/8 time, which I think is just cool.

12) I Don’t Know How To Love Him: Mary Magdalene’s big aria, and one of the songs I knew prior to seeing the full-length show. This production has MM taking off her heavy lipstick and eye makeup onstage, mid-song, which is kind of cool. Melanie C says in a BTS interview that MM’s makeup is her armor, so this is a Big Symbolic Moment.

13) Damned For All Time: The scene transition into this song is played entirely in pantomime, and I love it. The solo guitarist gets to be onstage for a bit, A+ use of the video screen again to show Judas on CCTV, etc. Love it. And then this song is Judas frantically rationalizing what he’s doing, and what he’s about to do, with Caiphas and Annas just reacting with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.

14) Blood Money: This is where the tone of the show really takes a turn for the dark. I think this might be one of Tim Minchin’s finest moments as Judas, because his facial expressions and microexpressions throughout this scene speak absolute volumes. And the offstage chorus quietly singing “Well done Judas” as he picks up the money is a positively chilling way to end Act I.

15) The Last Supper: Act II begins with major “Drink With Me” vibes. (Except JCS came WAY before Les Miz, so it’s probably more accurate to say that “Drink With Me” has major “The Last Supper” vibes.) Jesus and Judas have their knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s honestly heartbreaking, thanks again to Tim Minchin’s facial expressions. A well-done production of JCS will really convey that Jesus and Judas were once closer than brothers, even though their relationship is at breaking point when Act I begins.

16) Gethsemane: This is Jesus’s major showpiece and one of my faves. Jesus knows he has less than 24 hours to live, he knows he’s going to suffer, and worst of all, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to be worth it. It’s an emotional rollercoaster to watch and to perform, and it goes on for ages: something like 6 or 7 minutes. Fun fact: the famous G5 is not written in the score. Ian Gillan, who played Jesus on the original concept album, just sang it that way, so most subsequent Jesuses have also done it that way. Lindsay Ellis has a great supercut of this on YT. John Legend notably sang the line as written during the 2018 concert.

17) The Arrest: Judas’s Betrayer’s Kiss is played differently across different productions. The 2012 version is pretty tame - I’ve seen clips and gifs of other productions, including the 2000 direct-to-video version, where they kiss fully on the mouth and have to be dragged apart by the guards and it is THE MOST TENDER THING. Then the 7/8 riff from “The Temple” comes back and the 2012 version lets the video screen do its thing again as Jesus is swarmed by reporters.

18) Peter’s Denial: Not much to say about this one, as it’s basically a scene transition. But it’s a significant moment in the Passion story, so I’m glad they included it.

19) Pilate and Christ: The 2012 production continues with the theme of Caiaphas, Annas, and Pilate all being bougie af, since Pilate intentionally looks like he just came from tennis practice during this scene. Also he does pilates...hehehe.

20) King Herod’s Song: Tim Minchin says in a BTS interview that JCS works best when Jesus and Judas are played seriously and the rest of the production is allowed to be completely camp and wild and bizarre all around them, and he is bloody well CORRECT about that. Case in point: King Herod. There is not a single production of JCS that I know of where Herod is played “straight.” He’s been played by everyone from Alice Cooper to Jack Black, and everyone puts a different zany spin on him. In JCS 2012 he’s a chat show host in a red crushed velvet suit, who is clearly having the time of his LIFE.

21) Could We Start Again Please: This is another of my faves. Just a quiet moment where MM, Peter, and the disciples try to grapple with the fact that Jesus is arrested and things are going very, very badly. This is also my favorite Melanie C moment of the 2012 show. Her grief is very real, and the little moment she has with Peter at the end is very real.

22) Death of Judas: This is basically Tim Minchin screaming for about five minutes, and incredibly harrowing to watch on first viewing.

23) Trial Before Pilate: Possibly my single favorite scene in the entire 2012 production. This is another harrowing watch, but there’s so much to take in. The “set” that the entire show takes place on is essentially just a massive staircase, and the people with power are almost always positioned above the people without power. In this scene, the crowd shouting “Crucify Him!” is positioned above Pilate, which is a very telling clue to Pilate’s psychology during this scene. Jesus is at the very bottom of the stairs, of course. Excellent use of the video screen once again during the 39 Lashes, to show the lash marks building and building until the entire screen is a wash of red. Pilate’s counting also gets more and more frantic, especially starting around “20.” And all the while the guitar riff from “Heaven On Their Minds” is playing. Jesus’s line “Everything is fixed and you can’t change it” is played quite differently in different productions - here it’s defiant, but elsewhere (in JCS 2000 for example) it’s almost tender, like Jesus is absolving Pilate for his part in the trial. But it always ends the same - with Pilate almost screaming as he passes the sentence and “washes his hands” of the whole sorry business.

24) Superstar: The most over-the-top number in the show. Judas, who died two scenes ago, comes back to sing this. There are soul singers. There are girls in skimpy angel costumes. The parkour guys from the prologue are back. Judas pulls a tambourine out of hammerspace midway through the song. And Jesus is silently screaming and crying as he gets hoisted onto a lighting beam while all this is going on.

25) The Crucifixion: More of a spoken-word piece than a song, it’s Jesus’s final words on the cross over eerie piano music, and another harrowing watch.

26) John 19:41: An instrumental piece in which Jesus is taken from the cross and carried, at last, to the top of the stairs, before being lowered out of sight as the video screen turns into a memorial wall and everything fades to black.

So. I know I’m anywhere from three to fifty-one years late to this particular party, but I am on the JCS bandwagon now and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. :)

#jesus christ superstar #jcs 2012 #jcs is all i have been thinking about all week sorry not sorry #ben forster #tim minchin #melanie c #andrew lloyd webber #tim rice

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bogkeep · 4 years

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hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on... there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

#rambles #i wrote this for me and theres no obligation to read it

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tainted-wine · 4 years

Text

Past Due

Reader X Giran, Dabi, and Mr. Compress (NSFW)

(OOF, This little bastard of a fic has been fighting me every step of the way. It took so long because I was second guessing every single sentence I wrote. Finally, here’s the darkest shit I’ve written so far.)

(This is pre-Overhaul arc, so the bois Giran and Compress are still whole)

Words: 7.8k

Heed These Warnings: Murder, Kidnapping, Noncon/Dubcon, Giran being a dangerous dude, Knives, Forced Oral and Anal, Voyeurism, Humiliation, and the Protagonist just being a total dumbass

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For as long as you have lived, luck has been by your side like a bipolar twin attached to your hip. It was thanks to luck that you were born into a quirkless family in the trashiest of neighborhoods, your penniless parents separating and leaving you to fend for yourself. The streets had no use for you; no quirk, no charisma, no money, you were just another parasite desperately clinging onto the city’s rotten underbelly.

But it was also thanks to luck that you survived this long. The average person can remember each and every brush with death in their life clearly, but you—you’ve lost count of how many times this cruel world has tried to pick you off. So far, you have dodged every bullet, knife, and blast of quirk-based power aimed in your direction. How do you keep slipping past all of these dangerous criminals? Your reckless ass has no idea. Luck was simply a sadistic douchebag that enjoyed dangling you over the jaws of death, only to yank you back up and repeat the process like a sad little yo-yo.

As you drove to your place in a panic, you wonder if luck has ever fucked you this hard before.

———

Things had gotten somewhat organized, and by that you mean that you finally had some sort of plan instead of gravitating toward the nearest opportunity that didn’t look ready to tear you apart and throw your remains in an alley. You’ve even made an accomplice, a woman not quite as powerless as you, but an unfortunate soul with less experience in this…line of work. To make things even better, you managed to strike a deal with a prominent broker. Giran was a name known all throughout Japan’s black market, and to think that he’d see potential in a quirkless broad whose notable trait was simply not dying—it was your lucky day. He supplied you with weapons that will make surviving in this hellhole much easier, telling you to pay him within the next five days.

Your partner in crime asked if this was a good idea, that you didn’t seem capable of gathering that amount of money in the span of time you were given. There was no reason for her to worry; with the heat the two of you were packing now, you now had the ability to rob more than distracted civilians wandering the streets.

But before you could even enjoy your brand new firepower, luck decided to be a total asshole again. It was only the second day when you both were ambushed by a group of ruffians. Their quirks were pretty damn impressive, honestly. One of them levitated your gun right out of your hands before you could even fire, instantly leaving you helpless so that the other dudes could close in and beat the snot out of you.

The two of you woke up, bruised, bloodied, and stripped of Giran’s weapons. Damn, you don’t remember a deal ever going south this quickly. Must be a new record.

Alright, so your weapons were gone and you only have a fraction of the money so far. You can figure this out. Your partner was fuckin’ hysterical and you have to smack her before she gives herself a heart attack. The money was barely coming in, and before you knew it, the fifth day had arrived.

Yeah, you weren’t ready to face him yet.

Look, you weren’t exactly running away from him, you were just making sure to give yourself some space while you got your shit back together. That’s why you immediately moved to another part of town and now made sure to never drive down the same route twice. No, you weren’t gathering money for yourself and completely brushing off Giran, like your partner was suspecting. She has no idea what she’s talking about so she needs to shut up already and help you sell this jewelry that you worked so hard in stealing.

Okay, maybe Giran has been trying to call you for the past couple of days and you were officially ghosting him, but she didn’t need that knowledge to add to her stress. You probably weren’t even in any danger. The deal didn’t cost that much, and he didn’t seem like the type of guy to get truly pissed over some petty crook like you, right?

It’s been a week since the due date, and you both were still safe and sound. It was time to get your paranoid little buddy and discuss your next course of action.

When you reached her shoddy rented room, the door was already cracked open. Strange, and very careless; she should know better. You pushed it the remainder of the way and strutted inside. “Don’t leave your door open, dumbass. Anyway, I gotta—”

Your partner was sprawled out on the bed, open eyes still showing hints of the terror that she most definitely felt before her body became riddled with bullets. The smell of smoke and blood finally reached your nose when the shock of the scene before you wore off. The poor gal probably didn’t deserve such a gruesome fate.

“Oh…nevermind.” You close the door and briskly walk through the hall and out of that dangerous building.

------

This all led up to you speeding to your own run-down apartment.

‘Don’t jump to conclusions, now. This might have nothing to do with Giran. Maybe she pissed off some guys behind my back, or maybe I pissed them off and they found her before they found me. I keep forgetting just how many shit-lists probably have my name on them.’

Whatever it was, that instinctive twist in your gut was telling you that it was no longer safe around these parts. You had overstayed your welcome, anyway.

You glanced in every direction as you entered the building. At what time was your partner killed? If they’re after you too, do they already know where you live? There was no time to waste.

Checking to see that you weren't being followed, you entered your room and went straight to packing. You were basically a drifter, so you had few long-term possessions, so few that they could all fit into one bag. You packed your clothes, essential groceries, and your knickknacks that were ripe for selling. You’re loaded up and ready to go, and you don’t even need to go through the trouble of contacting an accomplice anymore. It’s those paper-thin silver linings that keep you going through this endless shitstorm of a life. With a silent goodbye to your short-lived home, you made your way to the door…

And a series of knocks freezes you in your tracks.

The sudden quickening of your heartbeat was dizzying. Shit. Shit shit shit. Whoever is on the other side can’t be friendly, but you had checked! You made sure no one was tailing you!

You backed away while your eyes darted around, deciding if you should defend yourself or find an alternate route to escape. Your only line of defense was a switchblade, so fighting was probably as bad of an idea as it usually was. You looked back to the single window in the room. ‘The fire escape.’

Several harder knocks spurred you into action. You unlocked and pulled at the old window, the worn frame almost breaking off as it opened. The damn ladder and stairs were one room across, but you can jump across the sills if you were careful enough.

There were more knocks, this time followed by a male voice. “Why the hell are we knocking? She’s not gonna answer.”

Another man responded. Shit, there’s more than one? “True. I just like to give the peaceful route a try.”

Something happened to the door that your fear-addled mind couldn’t comprehend. In the span of a second, the wooden door’s shape was warped and shrunken down into a small sphere. You didn’t spend any time to observe the two men at the entrance—you were already scrambling out of the window. The small ledge was difficult to balance on. If you could just get enough leverage for a jump…

“Oi!”

Fuck, you had to take the leap now, but before you could, a pair of hands took hold of you. In a blind panic, you drew your small blade and swung wildly at your attacker, doing your best not to lose your footing. One hand drew back and you heard a hiss of something like “little bitch”, and you thought this was your chance to break free and get away, but the hand still gripping the waist band of your pants got hot, so hot that it reached your skin and had you yelling in pain from the intense heat. With a powerful yank, you were falling back into the room and being pinned to the floor.

‘No no come on, Lady Luck. You’re always here to save my ass, right? I could use your help right fucking now.”

You thrashed and screamed, but then you saw the face of your captor and ew, that shit made you scream even louder. At least make the last face you see more appealing and less…burnt.

The burned man just looked annoyed while holding you down. “Just compress her already.”

Compress? What? Were they about to crush you? That sounds like a really shitty way to go. A gloved hand was pressed to your head, and everything began to distort at a rate too fast for your mind.

It was dark…you felt like you were floating…are you dead? Did it happen that fast? At least it was painless. There was a voice echoing somewhere, but all you saw was blackness. It sounded like it was coming from above. “God?” He’s real, after all?

God sounded very similar to the burnt asshole that attacked you. “That was easy. Why did he need us for this?”

The other voice that you still couldn’t attach a face to answered. “Giran does a lot for the League. It’s only fair that we do him the occasional favor, isn’t it? Her partner has already been taken care of.”

Well shit. Not only were you still alive, but you had been captured in some way to be delivered to him. You wanted to believe that you were in no serious danger, but no one sends two guys to break into your place and abduct you unless they had something sadistic in mind. Maybe your late partner was onto something this whole time.

The talking continued, but the sound was so faint. It’s like you were wearing a thick pair of earmuffs. This entire void, or whatever it is, was uncomfortable—the darkness seemed vast, yet it felt claustrophobic and heavy, like a powerful gravity preventing you from moving. What kind of quirk was this?

The mystery man was talking again. “Your arm is bleeding.”

“Oh right, she caught me with that little blade.” The burnt one said calmly. “It’s not that bad. My arms can’t feel much.”

“It’s not the pain I’m worried about; find something to wrap it up!” There was a sound that was difficult to discern, possibly a long sigh. “She made quite a scene at the window. I hope she didn’t bring any attention to us.”

You heard a grunt from the burnt one and could picture him shrugging. “If anyone asks, we’ll just say that she was a jumper and we stopped her.”

“…Who in the world tries to jump from only three stories?”

“A dumbass, and I’m pretty sure that’s what she is.”

The burnt guy can kiss your ass.

Their conversations were the only indication of time passing. Maybe you heard a few noises from whatever area they were currently in, such as a car passing by or a dog barking, but it was all too muffled to know for sure.

You hope you won’t be stuck in this prison for too long. The emptiness of it all was going to drive you insane. The abyss apparently sensed your distressed, shaping lights and colors all around and lifting the phantom weight off of you so quickly that you had to hold down a rush of bile in your throat.

It’s still fairly dark…a dimly lit room, no furniture, your knees on a hardwood floor, a figure sitting in front of you…

“Good morning.”

A greeting has never filled you with so much dread, uttered by a voice you haven’t heard in nearly two weeks.

The big-time broker himself was seated before you in a simple metal chair. When you met him in the bar to do business together, he had such a nonchalant aura around him, friendly yet detached. The smirk on his face seemed permanent, wearing it even now as he stared down at you, the little rat that has been hiding in the cracks of the city to avoid his sight. You didn’t feel threatened at all when you spoke in the bar; part of you knew that this man was in no way harmless, but he didn’t go out of his way to intimidate.

But now, even with the same relaxed posture and the same informal tone, his presence was sending strong chills down your spine with your brain screaming DANGER.

Giran leaned in, elbows resting on his thighs and a lit cigarette tucked between his fingers. The hanging bulbs illuminated only parts of his face, leaving the rest in a menacing shadow. “How have you been?”

You had no idea how to answer that. “F-fine?”

He gave a satisfied hum, as if he cared about your wellbeing. “That’s good to know. You’ve been hard to contact lately, so I had no idea.”

You swallowed, or at least you tried, but your throat was forgetting how to work properly. “I…” A cough escaped you. “I’ve been busy.”

His gruff chuckle unsettled you. “Of course. We’re all so busy these days, aren’t we? I’m not the type to stick my nose in others’ business, but may I ask what you’ve been so busy with? Hopefully something that involved gathering my money?” There it was.

Creating some more distance between your potential killer might help you think a little more clearly through the loud beating in your head, so you crawl backwards on shaky limbs like a drunk crab. “Y-yes! I’ve been doing my best, it’s just that I ran into a little problem an—” You bumped into something, turning your head to see a man looming over you. His attire was sharp, like that of a showman—even had a damn top hat. However, the mask he wore was rather ominous, the strange pattern resembling an abstract face. He didn’t budge when you had backed into his leg, only looking down at you as if you were a scared kitten.

In the corner of your vision you noticed the burnt one leaning back against the wall, watching you with disinterest. If it weren’t for the cold stare and the peril that he’s already put you through, you’d dare to admit that the greenish-blue hue of his eyes were kind of pretty.

“Don’t mind them,” Giran said with a lazy wave. “Those two are being kind enough to stick around in case I need them again. So, you were saying?”

You tried to recall where you were in your improvised excuse, and decided that you couldn’t risk having such a lie backfire. “I-I’m working on it. I have most of it so far. I just need a little more time.”

Giran’s face didn’t change. “And how much do you have?”

“Um…I…” What the hell do you say? Are you just digging yourself deeper? Is it possible to go any deeper? “Maybe I don’t have most, but I will soon so—”

“How much do you have?” It was firmer this time, making you shrink back. Dancing around his question wasn’t a good idea.

With a shaky breath, you answered quietly, “A hundred thousand yen.”

Giran placed the cigarette between his lips and took a long drag before blowing out a small cloud of toxic fumes. “A hundred thousand…of my three hundred thousand yen.”

Fuck, when he says it like that, maybe that is a lot of money to be missing out on.

You honestly wished he would show some sort of anger; his unwavering calmness was making you more anxious than any kind of rage.

“Can you tell me what you didn’t understand?” He asked.

“Huh? What…do you mean?” You couldn’t hold back the tremble in your voice.

“When we talked, I thought I made my measures clear. I give you the weapons, you pay me within the next five days. For every late day, I add more to what you already owe me. And if you take way too long, I’ll have to personally show you why you shouldn’t make deals where you can’t hold up your end.” He took another drag. You’re getting a feeling that the shrinking roll of tobacco is playing a big role in maintaining his leveled head. “Well, that all sounds clear to me, but there must be something in that explanation that didn’t get through to you, because you just ignored all of it.” Those final words were topped with a humorless laugh.

Just like that, every foolish decision you’ve made during the past week slams down on you. You were like a child that was confident they could escape whatever punishments were planned for them, now that they were finally caught, they just wanted to blubber endless apologies in hopes of being forgiven, and that’s exactly what you do. “Please, please just give me more time. I’m sorry. I just need another chance.”

Giran simply rests his head in one of his hands while pondering. “You know, this normally wouldn’t bother me. I consider myself an even-tempered guy. But you just had to go and run, avoiding my calls and hiding away for an entire week. If there’s anything that steams me up,” his brows furrowed, the first physical sign of anger that he’s shown. “It’s when an uncooperative client runs from me. Sorry about your friend, but I had to make sure I got my point across. Now it’s your turn.”

He reached into his violet jacket and pulled out a knife. Most of it was a large bulky handle, topped with a short but efficiently thin and curved blade. A wood carving knife.

As he rose from his chair and approached, you were suppressing the urge to just laugh at your own distress, a habit of yours that has caused more than one misunderstanding in the past.

“Compress, if you will.” Giran’s hand beckoned you upwards.

The man still behind you, apparently named Compress, locked both of your wrists at your back before pulling you up on your feet. “Hey-I-Wha-Wait a minute! We can talk! I can fix this!” You stuttered in pure desperation. Giran was poking at the tip of the knife and testing its sharpness, paying no attention to your pleas.

“It’s a shame, really. I happen to have one major weakness,” he admitted while inspecting his pricked finger. “Women. I’m always going easy on them—giving them more chances than they deserve. I can’t help it.” He grips your cheeks roughly, making you squeak. “And it really breaks my heart that I have to ruin such a pretty lady.”

“You don’t have to.” Your squished puckered lips sputter out, making you look and sound ridiculous. “Maybe I cou—"

The knife hovering so close to your face silences you. “Where should I start?” He wondered. You hold as still as possible while the sharp metal lingers dangerously close to your eye. “Maybe I should take out an eye? Maybe both?” His grip on your face prevents you from turning away, so you shut your eyes instead, accidentally releasing the tears that have been gathering in the corners. You feel his hand lower to hold your chin so that he can press the blade against the side of your face, so close to breaking skin. “Or maybe I’ll carve out your cheeks?” A thumb brushes against your lips and pushes past them. “You are quite a talker. Maybe I ought to go in there and remove that tongue.”

Your eyes remain closed, trying to focus on something else. The full-body tremors that you couldn’t stop, the press of Compress’s body against your back as he held onto your wrists, anything but the deadly blade trailing across your flesh. Every time the cruel man applied pressure, you braced yourself for the pain of cold steel cutting into you like fresh produce, but he would always pull back. It was pure torture and he hasn’t even harmed you yet.

“Hmm, you really are a cute one,” you heard him murmur as the knife trailed down your neck and across your collar. “Do I really want to carve such pretty skin?”

There was a loud groan, prompting your eyes to open and look to the burnt one who left his post at the wall. “For fuck’s sake, old man. How about I handle this so you don’t have to play mental tug-o-war with yourself?”

Giran didn’t seem fazed by the crude way he was addressed. “Oh? What did you have in mind, Dabi?”

Dabi gave an evil smirk of his own as he walked over. “I wonder how badly I can burn a person without killing them.” A scarred hand was placed on your shoulder and you squirmed at the rising heat. “Maybe we can find out together. How about it, girlie?”

You felt the other man behind you shake with a soft laugh. “So cruel, Dabi. I’m a gentleman myself. I could help, but taking a limb or two from such a beauty would be an unforgivable crime.” The implication of what he could do with his quirk made you fear for your arms that were still in his grasp.

“Great. Chivalry isn’t dead in the world of villains.” Dabi rolled his eyes. “You’re not wrong, though. She doesn’t look bad.”

There were too many hands on you. A rough aged hand caressed your throat and jaw, a gloved hand was tenderly running through your hair, and burned ones were shamelessly groping your chest and squishing your breasts. “Stop! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Shut it.” Dabi snapped, not letting up his assault. “Burning you might be a waste. Maybe I should just fuck you instead.”

Your stomach twisted in disgust at the very thought. The other two men pulled back and stilled at the suggestion. This nasty motherfucker wishes he’d get some. At least there were more reasonable voices in the room to keep the sicko away.

“Well now, that’s not a bad idea.” Giran declared with a nod of approval.

‘Ex-fucking-scuse me?’

Compress gave your shoulder a suggestive squeeze. “A vulgar way of putting it, but it’s an idea I can get behind.”

“Then it looks like we’ve all come to a new agreement.” The sleazebag exhaled smoke right into your face, stinging your already watery eyes and forcing several coughs out of you. “I hope you’re alright with that, darling.”

You shook your head fast enough to disorient yourself. “No! This is sick! Get your hands off me!”

“No good, huh? You think I should stick to the original plan?” Dabi dared you with a dazzling blue flame appearing in his palm. The memory of his scorching touch had you freezing up. “I’m just kidding, I don’t give a shit if you want this or not. This ain’t a friendly hookup.”

Compress leaned into your ear, voice sounding horribly close even with the mask protecting you from his lips. “I’m going to let you go now, and you’re going to cooperate with us, right? Surely you know how outmatched you are.”

Yes, you knew, yet there’s a little voice strongly urging you to fight and attempt an escape anyway. But you knew that will only end in pain and possibly death, and even though you were dreading what they had planned for you, the pitiful survivor in you is willing to sacrifice your dignity to stay alive. And so, you nodded.

“Very good,” you heard the smile in his praise. Your tender wrists were released so that he could take the hem of your shirt and slowly begin to pull it up. Your arms remained stiffly at your sides, the oppressive air around the three dangerous villains suffocating and leaving you light-headed.

“Cooperation, remember?” Compress reminded you.

With a hitched breath, you raised your arms, allowing him to peel the shirt off and throw it aside. Dabi wasted no time in exploring your newly revealed skin, while the gloved hands moved on to work at your bra and Giran undid your pants. You try to keep your breathing steady as you’re stripped, even when your pants fall down to your ankles. The second your bra is unclasped, you move to cover your freed breasts, only for the scarred bastard to slap your arms away.

“Quit it, I’m trying to feel you up,” He wasn’t very gentle in handling you, and his texture was so strange, wrinkled skin and the staples keeping him together scraping across your mounds. While he ventured lower, the other two men took their turn with your feminine assets.

Giran was fondling you slowly, but he seemed to be paying much more attention to your face, the face that you were having a very hard time keeping blank while Compress was massaging your other breast way too tenderly. It would help to shut your eyes once again, but that only enhances their touches, sparking goosebumps all over and threatening to pull a moan from your throat. You chose to look to the side and hide away from the broker’s dull gaze, but there was no avoiding Dabi’s hand palming your clothed sex, making you yelp. “AH! Don’t! You can’t just—”

He squeezed you down there, sending a foreign buzz through your abdomen. “What the hell did I just say?” He scolded. “I think I know how to shut you up.”

Giran made an amused hum. “Well Dabi, given you were the one who suggested this, I’ll grant you the honor of teaching her a lesson first.”

Your stomach dropped at the rough lips parting into a toothy grin. “You’re too kind.”

“Just don’t ruin her too quickly, alright?” Compress urged him before patting your back and stepping away. Giran also turned away and returned to his chair, leaning back with one leg crossing over the other.

The only one holding you now was the fiery villain; it had you sweating profusely even without the use of his quirk.

“Now, on your knees,” he ordered and pushed down onto your shoulders, forcing you to kneel. Your chest was tightening painfully when he unbuckled his belt to draw his half-hard cock. It wasn’t exactly any comfort, but it was wholly intact unlike the rest of him. “Start sucking.”

You kept your lips sealed and shook your head, only to have your hair grabbed and yanked back. Your pained cry was all he needed to shove his meat into your mouth. Your shout changed into a gag from the fleshy intrusion.

“Sweetheart,” the pet name was uttered with a mocking venom. “I’m trying to give you the benefit of a doubt and believe that you don’t have the memory of a dead goldfish, but in case you do, let me remind you that we brought you here to hurt you.” That dreaded heat was back, his hand threatening to call those blue flames and set your hair ablaze. “So which would you rather deal with: being carved and burned into a bloody mess, or having to please a couple of dicks? Doesn’t the latter sound more bearable?”

You couldn’t pull back to answer, his hold on your head tight and unyielding, so you nodded.

But for some reason, that didn’t satisfy him. “I need you say it. Come on, you can do it.”

‘No I can’t, you overcooked motherfucker! What do you want from me?’ Having no idea what to do but also not wanting to try his patience any further, you worked your voice around the thick rod and managed a choked and barely comprehensible “mmyeff.”

The sloshed word made Dabi laugh and you felt him twitch on your tongue. “Cute. That’s good enough. Now put that mouth to work so I won’t have to turn your head into a torch.”

Admitting defeat, you moved your head to take in more of his growing erection, wriggling your tongue in a poor attempt to get away from his salty taste, only to stimulate him in the process. You feel him respond with shaky breaths, but the fact that you’re servicing this terrible man doesn’t make you want to try any harder.

Dabi realizes your slow pace isn’t changing and his grumpiness quickly returns. “Oh come on, put a little more energy into it. A quirkless bitch living in the worst part of town, this can’t be the first time you’ve had to suck dick to save your life.” You look up and glare at him, which didn’t do much to intimidate when you were blowing him at the same time. He only smirked. “If you don’t pick up the pace, then I’ll have to take charge, and I don’t think you’d want that.”

You push yourself to put in more effort, taking in more of his now fully swollen cock and gagging pathetically. Despite what the singed shithead had guessed, you weren’t experienced with this. Your sex life boils down to a couple of hookups. This hectic existence with its cast of untrustworty characters wasn’t suitable for any kind of serious relationship, and sexual favors were something you tried to avoid as much as possible. Those rare nights with a partner were nothing like this, and you sure as hell would never ask for a fucking audience. A wisp of smoke nearby reminded you of Giran’s presence.

The sick broker was just sitting and watching with interest, his smirk still present. He seemed satisfied with just watching you in this humiliating state. Compress stood out of sight, but he was most likely doing the same. It made you just want to curl up and hide from these hungry eyes.

You heard a tired sigh over you as Dabi adjusted his grip and was now holding both sides of your face.There was no warning when he thrusted forward to jam himself into the back of your throat, the sting making your eyes well up.

“Sorry, but I think I’ve given you enough chances,” Dabi panted while reveling in the feel of your mouth all around him. His cock slid back and allowed you to breathe for just a second or two before plunging back in.

Breathing through your nose was the only option as he pumped in and out of your throat with little restraint. You gurgled helplessly and tried to push at his thighs to keep him from going so deep, but that only made him chuckle and fuck your mouth more roughly. He was in complete control now, so all you could do was take it as best as you could. Saliva gathered as your throat was violated, some of it oozing past your lips and running down your chin.

“Look at you, turning into a drooling mess for my cock. You like having your mouth fucked just like a pussy?” Demeaning words were spoken between his grunts, commenting on the depraved state of your face—you could only imagine how you looked at the moment with your extra lubricated mouth allowing him to move in and out more easily.

The erratic slams of his hips against your face signaled that this torture will be ending soon, as long as you could endure the assault on your windpipe that was making you dizzy. Any cry of distress or plea to slow down was reduced to wet gurgles and more spit bubbling from your mouth. With a teeth-clenched growl, Dabi presses your face flush against his pelvis, engulfed by his musky scent as cum shoots straight down your throat. Black spots were appearing in your vision with both your nose and throat blocked. ‘Can’t breathe…can’t…’

“Hang in there, just need to make sure you swallow every last drop.” He keeps your head locked in place so that you could feel every spasm as he feeds you his seed. Finally, he releases you and steps back, allowing oxygen to rush into your lungs as you coughed and wheezed.

“Whoops, maybe I went a little overboard,” Dabi joked at your shaking form that was hunched over hacking up a mixture of saliva and semen. That fucking bastard…

“You think?” A sarcastic remark sounded from an approaching presence behind you. Compress kneels beside you, placing a hand on your back as your coughing fit slowly died down. “That’s not my ideal way of punishing a lady. Wouldn’t you agree, Giran?”

You didn’t have the strength to look at said man and the amused expression that he was undoubtedly wearing. “I’m not picky myself. It was a good show,” you heard him say. You can physically feel your dignity leaving you.

“Well, I can give you a better one.” The phony gentleman grabbed and straightened you up. You noticed that he had removed his hat, his head concealed by what may be a ski mask. It was strangely symbolic—beneath all of that pizzazz was just another unforgiving criminal. “Dabi certainly did a number on you, didn’t he?” He observed, fingers tracing over your chest and the drying drool that had trailed down. You heard a “damn right” from Dabi who had returned to his spot at the wall. “Don’t worry, darling. I won’t leave you so roughed up.”

His words did nothing to alleviate the growing fear as his hand wandered down to your panties, fingers pressing against the damp cloth. “Oh my…and here I was thinking he was being too hard on you. Looks like you didn’t hate it as much as I thought.”

You shuddered at the small chorus of laughter from all three men. Dabi took the opportunity to taunt you again. “I had a feeling she was the type that loves being treated like a hole. The bitch probably would have gotten off if I went a little longer, not that she deserves to.”

“Ah, but I think she does. In fact,” Compress pulled the underwear to the side and touched your slick directly, making you gasp. “I’d say she deserves more than she can handle.”

“N…St…op…” Your voice was hoarse from the abuse your throat had gone through. His fingers began soft strokes against your glistening folds, a feeling that wasn’t unpleasant, but you held back your whimpers to avoid both the vocal strain and giving him any gratification.

The gloved digits moved skillfully across your sensitive lips, kindling a hot desire deep inside of you. No, you really didn’t want to be feeling that from him. Your own hands curl into fists when you feel him prod at your opening, just barely penetrating you and making you bite your lip in a painful effort to suppress a moan.

He looks right at you; you can only guess what face he was making. “Trying not to make any noise, are you?” His free hand removed the patterned mask, revealing chocolate eyes and a smile that wasn’t at all sweet. “I sure do love a challenge. Then again, I already know that I’ll win.”

Any retort you had prepared died on your lips when two fingers slipped into your heat, unable to hold back your whimper even with your mouth closed. “There it is,” he purred close to your face. “But I think we can do better.”

Your cunt throbbed with each brush against your walls. He couldn’t go too deep in your current position, but that didn’t deter him as he pistoned in and out, flexing his fingers every which way until he found that forbidden spot that made you wail. The white hot heat was threatening to smother you completely. You found yourself grasping his arm and weakly pushing at it, silently begging to make it stop before you burst.

‘Don’t look ahead…Giran is watching…don’t look ahead…’ The mantra repeated in your head, echoing loudly to distract you from the unstable knot in your core. The inner chant was to no avail—several hard presses against your nerves had you crumbling beneath the searing heat of your climax. With no restraint remaining, your broken whines rushed out of your convulsing body and echoed through the room. A thumb circles your clit and prolongs the all-powerful sensation.

“Try to bear it, darling.” Compress says to you, but his voice sounds so far away, drowned out by the vibrations starting from your pussy and spreading all over, engulfing you. Even after your orgasm passes, the assault on your sensitive womanhood doesn’t stop, the sensations becoming painful. You would have fallen over if Compress wasn’t holding you, his arm wrapped around you in an insultingly affectionate embrace as he continued to overstimulate you. The words falling from your lips were weak and incoherent, the occasional ‘no’ and ‘too much’ being heard.

Sobbing in the villain’s shoulders, you can make out the blurred violet figure in your foggy vision, still lounging and taking silent delight in your struggles. You just barely noticed the slight curve of his lips as Compress forced you to cum again, pitting your muscles against another wave of excruciating spasms. This time he did let you collapse, your body sprawled out on the floor as your walls continued to clench.

“Hmmph, not bad.” Dabi can be heard, and his voice alone makes your throat burn again.

Compress was still close, curiously squishing your juices between his fingers. “I could have gone for longer, but she still needs energy for the main act.”

You hear a dark laugh from Giran. “So generous of you Compress. What would I do without you gentlemen? Just do me one more favor and remove the rest of your clothes.”

“Of course,” the showman moved over to fully strip you. You stayed limp as he pulled your drenched panties down along with your pants that were still hanging at your feet, then moving on to remove your shoes. You were now completely bare, body shivering despite the warm still air of the room.

“Alright, miss. That’s enough rest. Time to get up and come over here.” Giran orders coolly. There was no urgency in his voice, but you knew you shouldn’t keep him waiting. If only your entire lower body wasn’t screaming. Compress sensed your plight and took hold of your waist, prepared to pull you up.

“No no,” Giran held up a hand while stomping out his cigarette. “She’s a big girl and can stand on her own.”

Compress simply shrugged and retreated, leaving you to force your aching arms and legs to move and lift you up.

Even after being violated, you still couldn’t resist covering your chest and mound as you slowly approached the man that you deeply regret ever getting involved with. You tried to ignore how gross your body felt—the salty fleshy taste lingering on your tongue, the wetness that continued to run down your legs, your bare feet shuffling across the old dusty floor. There was a prominent bulge in his pants, revealing just how much this was all exciting him.

“Sit down and have a ride on me.” It was said so casually that you needed a moment to comprehend.

Dabi barked impatiently. “Hey, don’t just stand there like a modest statue.”

Realizing that Giran isn’t going to take out his erection himself, you lean in to open up his pants, fighting every urge to pull your hands away as they work at the buttons and zipper, pulling down his underwear to watch his cock spring out. He didn’t seem to react, only watching your face like he has been since you’ve been tossed into this damned place. You stare at his waiting dick until you accept that you have to get closer, standing over his legs before lowering yourself down onto his lap. You have to grab the soft yet firm organ to keep it in place as it touches your opening.

He was so close, smoke-scented breath hitting your skin. There was no way to avoid his gaze at this proximity. He was free to see all of the shameful details on your tear-stained face.

It pains you to admit that Compress’s fingers made the stretch more bearable as Giran’s head pushes into your cavern that was still sensitive from the previous man’s onslaught. You had to place your hands on his shoulders to balance yourself as your hips sunk down on him, breaths shallow throughout your poor attempt to stay relaxed and not tighten up. Several inches later, you had him fully sheathed inside you.

“Good. Very good.” His voice was low and rugged, eyes closing briefly so that he can take in your surrounding heat. “Now start moving. I didn’t bring you over just to keep me warm.”

You didn’t have enough pride left to protest, so you did as instructed, slowly lifting your hips before bringing them back down, ignoring the strain put on your thighs. Giran placed a hand on your ass, the contact making your pace falter for just a second. He looked so at ease as you bounced on him that you wondered, if it was just the two of you, perhaps you could have taken this as an opportunity to attack. But in the current situation, it would only lead to certain death. The thought leaves your mind as quickly as it came.

“Three days.” The two words cut through your weary breaths and the squelch of your pussy. You give Giran a look of confusion before he specifies. “I’m giving you three more days to collect the money.”

The news surprises you enough to halt your hips, an action he doesn’t approve of.

“I didn’t say stop.” The warning in his tone had you instantly moving again. He lightened at your compliance; he sure knew how to flip his friendly mode on and off like a damn light switch. “Very good. I’m trying to show you some more mercy here. Don’t ruin it for yourself. Anyway, you need to hurry and do whatever you can to get that money. Steal, call some old friends, maybe sell your body? I don’t think you’d be half-bad at that.” He gave your rear a light smack, making your walls squeeze him in shock. “If you don’t have enough by the time we meet again, your lovely body won’t stop me from peeling your skin off a second time. Are we clear, sweetheart?”

The fear from his threat grips your chest as you keep trying to please him, moving in a way that keeps his dick away from your g-spot. “Yes,” you whimper through your pants.

Giran caught on to what you were doing. “I’m not convinced.” Both of his hands take hold of your hips and push you down, forcing stimulation on your hypersensitive bundle of nerves. A scream rips through your burning throat. “I’ll say it again: Are we clear?”

“Yes!” Your voice cracks and tears are flowing down your face once again.

“You won’t run from me again?”

“No! I swear I won’t!”

“Good girl.” He was the one setting the pace at this point, forcing you up and down in pursuit of his release. There was another agonizing orgasm growing in your abdomen, but the hands controlling your movements weren’t giving you a chance to escape the inevitable storm.

The final slam collides his throbbing cock with your cervix, and the pained pleasure has you quivering in his hold, crinkling his shirt with your white-knuckled grip as you cried out from every foul spurt into your womb. His soft groans were heated against your neck.

His pats of approval on your back are enough to push your worn figure into his chest. He chuckles and rubs you like a lover that didn’t just force you into the most disgraceful moment of your life. “I’m glad we could come to an agreement.”

Despite your limbs feeling like pure lead, you wanted to get off this man as soon as possible. “Please just let me go.”

His smile filled you with a fresh wave of dread. “Soon, darling. But I need to make sure I’ve made my point. I think the other two gentlemen would appreciate a turn.”

You heard the quick footsteps before he even finished, scarred hands grabbing and pulling you off of Giran’s softening cock. Fuck, the two had been so quiet for the past moment that you forgot about their presence.

You jolt at the feel of Dabi’s revived hard-on pressing against your back while Compress stops right in front of you, his own length bobbing freely. You flinched at the damp gloves caressing your chin and lips. “Are you ready to return the favor? Don’t worry, I won’t treat your mouth as badly as Dabi did.”

“Sadly,” The crueler man behind you added before pressing down and bending you forward, your head now leveled with Compress’s waiting dick.

“Open up for me,” he orders with a hand resting in your hair. Your jaw still ached from the last cock in your mouth; you hoped that he truly was going to at least be more gentle as you parted your lips and took him in.

Dabi rubbed up and down your spine as he watched. “Well look at you, such an obedient little bitch now.” He began to knead your ass cheeks before spreading them, your body tensing in fear as a finger toyed with your back entrance.

“I’m not a fan of sloppy seconds, guess I’ll have to take another hole.” It was the only warning he gave before his thickness was pushing forcefully into your unprepared ass. The searing pain was as intense as his quirk, your muffled shrieks vibrating against Compress and making him moan. Dabi smiled at your suffering. “Can’t complain, ‘cause this sounds a lot better. Hope I don’t do too much damage in there.”

He fucked you as hard and fast as your tight passage would allow, pushing the other villain’s dick further into your throat with each thrust.

Soon, they will switch places. And then they will take you separately. And Giran will stay seated, taking pleasure in watching you break.

Your mind eventually wanders to what will happen afterwards, if there is any possible way to right the biggest wrong you’ve ever committed…or if you simply had three days left to live.

It feels like luck is done saving you.

--------------------------------------------

tagging @mothwithteeth because their thirst for Giran inspired me. Go check them and their awesome work out!

#bnha #smut #dabi #giran #mr. compress #dabi x reader #giran x reader #mr. compress x reader #tw noncon #tw death

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redbeardace · 4 years

Text

August TAAAP Chat Notes: Activism

This is a scattered bunch of thoughts and notes on some of the things that were discussed about activism in the August TAAAP Pride Chats. There’s no solid thesis here, but maybe a few conversation starters. Some of what’s here is a post-chat thought and wasn’t even discussed at all. This should also be taken as incomplete and not a full overview of what was discussed. (Notably, it doesn’t include much of what went on in the voice chats.)

[Cross-posted from Pillowfort.]

For starters, activism wasn’t really one of the official topics. This mostly came from my hijacking of the Carnival of Aces channel and it’s topic of “What would you like to get out of the ace community?”, because my main answer to that question is “More Active-ism”.

How do we “activate” activists? How do we get more people working on more things, so there’s a large pool of people doing a large number of varied things, instead of a relatively small number of people who rapidly get burnt out because of the weight they’re carrying?

One of the more frequent blockers is that people don’t feel that they’re “important” enough to do activist work. They feel like there’s a “You must be this popular to ride” sign at the gate, and they don’t qualify because they don’t have a popular blog or YouTube channel. But for the most part, it’s actually the inverse relationship. Some people get popular because they’re doing the activist work, not the other way around. And some of the most important people doing the activist work aren’t “popular” at all. And they’re happy about that.

It’s hard to know how to get involved. Another common thread was that people didn’t know how to get involved. There are groups out there who frequently look for volunteers (AO, TAAAP, AUREA, Asexual Agenda) and new projects come along periodically who need people, but it seems like those aren’t as effective as they can be. What can groups like that do to both increase their reach and make it clear that “Yes, we want YOU”?

Should we throw an activism fair? We should throw an activism fair. Who wants to get that set up? How about you?

What is activism, anyway? I think everyone just assumes this means you have to be David Jay or Yasmin Benoit, which is not the case at all. Activism takes many, many, many forms. Most of which are not “public face” type roles. The Ace Census needed programmers. TAAAP needed people to write a book. Local meetup groups need someone who knows a good karaoke bar and wants to host a meetup there every month. Some groups need a Discord mod. Other projects can’t go anywhere without a professional in that field providing a guiding hand, such as a therapist to help with a continuing education seminar, a teacher to help with inclusion in a sex ed curriculum, or a lobbyist to work on legislative issues.

Activism is online. Activism is offline.

Activism is big. Activism is small.

Activism is local. Activism is global.

Activism is old. Activism is young.

Activism is a lot of things, and you can probably find a place to fit.

Don’t ask for permission. Just do. There’s no Ace/Aro Elder Council that approves activist efforts. Pretty much every project you see was just started by someone who wanted to do something. So if you want to do something, do it. You have to operate on the assumption that if you won’t no one will.

Don’t go it alone, if possible. Try to get others to help out. Join forces with other people already doing similar things. Volunteer with an existing organization. Tell people what you’re doing. Reach out for advice.

People want meetups. If there’s no local group in your area, are you able to start one? If there is a group in your area, are you able to try hosting a new meetup that’s relevant to your interest or closer to your location?

Where possible, the meetups should have cake or garlic bread. Cake and garlic bread together might be a bad idea.

You can even host online meetups, which can have a wider reach than physical space ones.

More activists will overwhelm the Hate Brigade. A lot of people avoid activism because anyone who pokes their head up tends to get attacked by a parade of assholes. But if we have more activists, they won’t be able to keep up.

Harness the power of Discord. Discord seems to be popular these days. There are a bunch of aro and ace discords, but how many of them encourage activism? Anyone want to take on organizing and mobilizing people on various Discord servers? Anyone with a Discord server have an activism channel?

Why did activists become activists? Some to fight for visibility. Some out of spite. What about you?

How do we get activists connected with other activists and proto-activists? Central site? List serv? There’s a Facebook group and rumors of Discord. What else?

It’s Too Hard™. The apparent difficulty level of many things discourages people from trying. It’s Too Hard™ to start a meetup group. It’s Too Hard™ to march in Pride. It’s Too Hard™ to write a book. It’s Too Hard™ to change a law. We need to overcome that perception. Change it from It’s Too Hard™, so I won’t, to It’s Too Hard™, so I must. And honestly, a lot of things aren’t very hard. Like, marching in a parade seems like a big scary thing, but it’s pretty much just pay the registration fee and show up with a bunch of people and a few flags and walk a mile. It doesn’t have to be more involved than that. And starting a new meetup is basically saying “I’m going to be here, doing this, at this time”, and maybe other people will show up.

Don’t let failure stop you. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you. Not everything works out. Big deal. If you try something and it doesn’t work out, you’ve learned more about what to do for next time.

Support each other. Support can include clicking the little heart or thumbs up thingy, offering feedback, signal boosting, joining up and getting involved, forking over cash, connecting people with similar interests, or pointing at related things.

What’s the appropriate level of inclusion/breadth of scope, and where does it become too broad/out of scope? There is a lot of overlap between aro activism and ace activism, and in a lot of cases, it makes sense for it to be combined into a single package. But what about cases where there’s conflicting needs? Where is it appropriate to say “No, this thing is specifically about aces” or “specifically about aros” or whatever? And how do you establish that boundary? And not just aro/ace, but also gender, geography, race, religion, etc... How can you tell when specificity is needed and just staying on topic vs. exculsionary erasure?

#asexual #asexuality #ace activism

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crqstalite · 4 years

Text

Character Name: Kodelyn Shepard.

Full Name: Kodelyn Amara Shepard-Velasquez.

Nick Names: Kodee, Dee

Gender: Female

Age: 29 (ME1), 32 (ME3)

Birthday/year: April 11th, 2154

Sexuality: Bisexual

Marital Status: Single (Games), Married (Post-war)

Spouse: Married to Major Kaidan Alenko in 2187.

Hair: Coiled and kinky, though she has relaxed it a few times. In 2186, she cuts it.

Eyes: Brown + Amber. It the right lighting, they could appear a color of dim gold.

Origin: Was born in San Diego, California but raised on various space stations as a child.

Language: Kodelyn speaks fluent English, and is close to semi-fluent in Spanish. She knows bits and pieces of alien languages, though she’s closest to grasping the Quarian language.

Blood Type: B+

Height: Kodelyn is a firm 5″11.5.

Weight/Body Structure/Physical Faults: Kodelyn weighs 180 lbs. She would consider herself pretty muscular naturally. She has various scars, though the main ones from her Cerberus operation have cleared up since then. There’s one that criss-crosses her shoulder blades from the Blitz over Elysium.

Race/Species: Human.

Parents/Elders/Guardians: Her parents are Hannah Shepard and Reuel Shepard, who died a year after she was born. Her stepfather is Joaquin Velasquez, which she has a good relationship with.

Siblings: She has two siblings, Citlali Velasquez (who is six years younger than she is) and Mason Velasquez (who is nine years younger than she is).

Beliefs/Religion: Kodelyn is an atheist.

Career/Past Careers: She has had various postings over the years. Her first and most notable one was to Elysium during the Blitz, then as the Commander of the SR-1, de facto leader of the Cerberus Normandy SR-2 and finally proper Staff Commander of the Alliance SR-2.

Hobbies: Kodelyn isn’t particularly proficient in any one thing, but she does enjoy swimming -- once she learns how to. Living on a space station didn’t give her a lot of opportunity to do so, but it calms her down and soothes the pain if she can access one. Astrogation fascinates her as well. She also likes to build model ships to keep her hands busy.

Likes: Kodelyn likes the quiet. Like genuinely likes the quiet. There’s always a lot going on the galaxy, and sometimes she needs the time by herself to recharge and reassess a situation before she gets burnt out and her fuse gets shorter than it already is.

Loves: Kodelyn loves to spend time with her crew. It isn’t as efficient as being by herself, but sometimes she needs to remind herself she’s not alone in the galaxy, and that holding everything on her shoulders doesn’t need to be that way, not if she doesn’t want it to be.

Dislikes: A pet peeve of her’s is ‘feminized’ armor. She feels that goes without explanation why.

Loathes: She hates the Reapers, for sure. But she also hates the Illusive man and how warped his identity has become. The way he’s dragged everyone underneath him down under, she sees it as deeply despicable.

Fears: Kodelyn is terrified of empty space. Just being out there on her own, without a tether or mag boots is her biggest fear. After her death in ‘83, I don’t think anyone can dispute the claim.

Strengths: Just in general, she’s a strong person. There isn’t much she can’t blast or hit hard enough to get the job done, but diplomacy comes into play every once and a while. She’s well-liked by mostly everyone, even if it is begrudgingly done so.

Weakness: Biotics. One of her major weaknesses is the biotics Cerberus installed after she died. Considering just how experimental the make and model of her implant is, there isn’t much she can do but guess at her own strength -- and the consequences that would come from pushing herself too hard. Kodelyn tends to be a little too concerned about everyone else, and honestly, not enough about herself to the point of being actively self destructive.

Supernatural Powers & Abilities: Her biotics are the only abilities that haven’t been cultivated by a life of service. They’re still relatively new to her, so she has yet to be fully proficient in wielding them properly. However she’s a powerhouse on the battlefield when she does manage to use them, though not enough to rival that of Liara and Kaidan. She’ll stick to guns and grenades when she can.

Temperament: Kodelyn is generally, a nice person if not also firm. Her first thought is how to get the job done, and then how to save as many lives as possible. Everything else comes afterwards. But to friends, she’s a listening ear and always willing to lend a hand. Her moral code is something one simply can not shake no matter how hard they try, and she always errs on the side of caution in dangerous situations.

Crew Relationships:

kaidan alenko ➝ lover (2183-2186) husband (2187-) ashley williams ➝ friend (2183-2183) garrus vakarian ➝ best friend (2183-) urdnot wrex ➝ friend (2183-) tali’zorah vas normandy ➝ best friend (2183-) jeff moreau (joker) ➝ best friend (2183-)

miranda lawson ➝ colleague, friend (2185-) jacob taylor ➝ acquaintance (2185-) mordin solus ➝ acquaintance (2185-) jack (jacqueline nought) ➝ friend (2185-) urdnot grunt ➝ friend (2185-) thane krios ➝ friend (2185-2186) samara ➝ acquaintance (2185-) legion ➝ friend (2185-2186)

james vega ➝ friend (2185-) EDI ➝ friend (2185-2186) brione petrakis ➝ colleague, acquaintance (2182-) annika johansson ➝ friend (2183-) hannah shepard ➝ mother reuel shepard ➝ father joaquin velasquez ➝ stepfather citlali velasquez ➝ half sister mason velasquez ➝ half brother

#kodelyn shepard #working on my muse blog lol

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kirishwima · 4 years

Note

Gin - 3, 7, 14, 53. Leo - 11, 17, 34, 37

yeahy OC asks!!! :3c

Gin:

3. Orientation and Relationship status (single, taken (by who?), crush (on who?))

She’s bisexual! Before the RFA she’s single, but after meeting them she gets a huge big fat crush on Saeyoung >.> Mayhaps she’ll end up with him eventually? They’d really fit each other although she’s not the type that’d just silently take his harsh words during his route lol

7. Occupation

She’s a student! She’s studying history/archeology :D

14. Can they cook? Can they bake?

She’s a semi-okay cook; her older brother is the one that did most of the cooking since her and her twin can and would burn the house down trying to turn on the oven (they’ve actually burnt their older brother before by making the oven explode lol), so she...sticks to basics

She can’t really bake either, but she likes to try! So far she’s managed to make chocolate chip cookies without burning everything down...once lmao

53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?

Honestly she started out as a self-insert for Mystic messenger, then I slowly started thinking more about a character, how they’d respond to certain things going on with the RFA-and lo and behold Gin was born.

When first thinking about her she was honestly a much more gentle docile little thing, but the more I work on her and her story the sassier and snarkier she gets lol-she’s a fiercly loyal girl and she’ll cherish those she loves no matter what, but she’s also a chaotic memer with sarcasm for days which..i didnt expect orz

Leo:

11. Do they have any notable features, like horns, tails, or so on?

Yes! Leo has a set of cat ears-they’re lower on her head than you’d expect, pretty much where our human ears would be, along with a swishy long tail jutting out from her tailbone! She has black fur at the ear-tail, with white blotchy spots on her tail!

She also has more non-human characterestics; slanted irises (that turn big when she’s intrigued by something, think of the ‘heavy breathing’ meme cat lol), sharp upper fangs, and on her skin are white blotches like the ones on her tail.

She also has retractable claws just like a cat! If you push on the junctures between her fingers the claws jut out lol

17 Can they fight?

Absoloutely! Unlike her friend (girl...friend? :3) Ayrin, she’s very well-suited for close combat, very agile and quick to act. She’s quite tall and lean so she uses that to her advantage, beating those she can’t win by strength alone with wit.

Plus...she has claws lmao, and getting scratched by them h u r t s.

34. What’s their room look like right now?

Ooh I didn’t think much of this tbh!

Outside of school her style is quite alternative-rock but still a little...indie?, so her room is pretty much what a stereotypical punk kid’s room would look like; punk rock band posters on her walls, she’s got laminated photographs and polaroids of her and her friends stuck up on the wall with duct tape, scribbled little messages and memes on them;

Ayrinn helped her make one bit of her wall into a blackboard so she can doodle and write things she should remember down, although right now there’s just a big doodle of a middle finger lmao

She’s quite messy, there’s clothes scattered about, and her bed is pushed into a corner because...well that’s what we all did as teens lbr.

There’s also a bunch of home gym equipement laying around, since she likes to excercise a Lot-it’s her favorite way to let out some steam.

((If you look through her desk drawer, you’ll also find a crumpled up note that may or may not be her attempt to write our her feelings towards a certain sea princess~))

37. Do they have any phobias?

Funnily enough, she’s scared of the ocean-not in the sense that going to the beach scares her, but more like the deep ocean and not knowing what’s at the bottom. Space creeps her out for this same reason too.

She’s also scared of rejection-she doesn’t know how to handle herself after it, and it’s one of the main reasons she won’t confess to her crush. ;;

-ask me about my OCs!!-

my OCs are:

- BNHA OCs (Ayrinn, Leo)

- Alice (my grumpy OC)

- Mysme OC (Gin)

-Jay, Max (original story OCs)

-Spy girl OC and her hacker girlfriend OC

#aah i love talking about them thanks ;u;#im super excited to start fleshing out Gin #and to work more on Leo and Ayrinn's stories!!#asks #OC #OCs #mysme #mystic messenger #Anonymous

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interludcs · 5 years

Text

BENEDETTA PORCAROLI , CIS FEMALE , SHE / HER → according to the school records , GIOVANNA ELOISA ARGENTI has been attending sacred heart for the past two years . i last saw them hanging around stan's place ; i think they were tying cherry stems into knots . at twenty - one , gio has been studying classics and get this , i heard that her bloodline has long been cursed to succumb to inevitable madness and it’s been the cause of many mysterious deaths in the family already — figure it’s true ? everyone around here always associates them with biting into an apple only to realize it’s rotten , a bloody nose dripping onto silk stockings , and the distorted screech of a violin coming from another room . in the time since these strange happenings , they have encountered unexplained occurrences .

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ QUICK STATS !

full name : giovanna eloisa argenti

nickname(s) : gio , gigi ( although she likes to think she outgrew it )

zodiac : scorpio sun , gemini moon ( click ! )

sexuality : bisexual .

occupation : student & heiress .

birthplace : rome , italy .

current residence : sacred heart academy .

pinterest : ( click ! )

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ BACKSTORY ! ( tw : depression , murder , suicide & drug abuse )

born in 1953 to one of the wealthiest families in italy ! the argenti's posses a ridiculous and tbh kinda disgusting fortune because of their distant ties to the old italian monarchy ... and are also long rumored to have been cursed hundreds of years ago as divine punishment for the sins of a past family member .

the family has a long and gruesome history — good husbands turning into killers , more than one argenti woman flinging herself off one of the many balconies in the family estate , children who hear voices in the night . more often than people care to count , these fits of madness are seemingly inexplicable .

giovanna was born on chilly autumn night . she would be her mother’s first and last child , but lucianna argenti saw her baby girl as anything but a miracle . when she was only five months old , a nanny discovered the woman trying to drown giovanna in the bathtub , stuck in a trance she’d later have no recollection of being in . long in denial of the family curse , marco argenti hired nearly every notable doctor in italy , but none of them could find a sound explanation for the violent and nonsensical trances his wife would experience for the next three years before ultimately taking her own life .

leaving giovanna to grow up all alone in the too big family estate at the hands of nannies , marco argenti would spend the better years of his only daughter’s life traveling all around europe , desperate to shake the ghost of his wife , but never succeeding .

despite all the tragedy early on in gio’s life , she had an almost typical upbringing for someone in her socioeconomic circle . a childhood devoid of the love her parents were supposed to give , nannies who gave in to the rotten demands only a wealthy child and sole heir could conjure up , a house that never felt like a home .

by the time she was a teenager , gio had grown up to be a different kind of monster — not the madwomen her classmates would snicker about when speaking ill of the blood that flowed through her veins , but something perhaps more dangerous , a selfish girl too clever and too beautiful for her own good .

on the eve of her 18th birthday her father makes his grand return home , gone so long he mistakes his daughter for a maid before a groundskeeper politely informs him of his mistake . causing more tension still was the brand new gold band on his ring finger , as well as the announcement that he’s selling the estate , and that gio’s to come live with his new wife and three small children in france .

the day giovanna argenti turns 18 is a day she can no longer remember save for waking up in the remnants of a burnt down home , ash caked underneath her fingernails , smoke burning her lungs . servants who have been loyal to the argenti family for decades will later testify that there had been a terrible accident lighting the birthday cake that night , that marco argenti had never returned home the night before , and that the family of four in paris crying murder were nothing but scammers after the family fortune .

gio spends the next year scrambling to piece together the mysterious events , a tiny voice inside her head insisting something wasn’t right with the story she’d been fed by the people who raised her , albeit confused as to why they’d hide the truth if something sinister had indeed happened that night . she could have sworn the memory of her father coming home was a real one — until she gets a letter in the mail , signed marco argenti , polaroid attached , a blurry shot of a man who bears the family resemblance standing in front of the statue of liberty .

cue the drug abuse ( coke being her poison of choice ) , the reckless and dangerous stunts all in the name of having a good time , the mind numbing sex with strangers . heart heavy with the idea that she was indeed going insane , following in the footsteps of all the argenti’s that had come before her , giovanna was left with the haunting sensation that her life was already doomed , and so she might as well make the most of it . on the flip side of this she also came to the realization that she could pretty much .... do whatever she wanted and get away with it ? people already thought she was cursed and crazy ... might as well act the part ... a little self fulfilling prophecy ... as a treat <3

in a feeble attempt to save her from an untimely and rather stupid demise , she is shipped off to sacred heart academy , a place a distant cousin once attended . mind clouded by addiction and unresolved trauma alike , giovanna can’t be sure the strange happenings at sacred heart are real at all or just a product of a dark and overactive imagination .

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

first & foremost ... gio was inspired loosely by some sexy women including miss effy stonem from skins , choi sooji from tempted , ludo from baby , villanelle from killing eve & lady macbeth minus the murder ( ... unless ? 😏 ) , as well as more lana del rey songs than i care to admit so we won’t be talking about it aha x

yes what i’m trying to say is she’s a little unhinged ... but in that fun sexy way like when amy dunne gives the cool girl speech in gone girl .

speaking of cool girls ... gio is one 😌 you would think growing up with a last name that’s literally famous for being cursed would have put a bigger damper on her popularity among people but there’s a certain fascination gio holds and she knows it . this isn’t to say she’s got a lot of friends because she definitely doesn’t , she just knows how to get people’s attention .

at her core she is clever , charming , everything someone who grew up with money is bound to be . but unlike the selfishness of other trust fund babies , gio’s operates on a different scale . she’s self obsessed , not because she views herself as better than anyone else , but because she’s so haunted by the idea that something terrible and wicked exists inside of her and it’s only a matter of time before darkness takes over .

in an effort to counter that weight , she breezes through life without taking much seriously . toying with people , the mind games she plays , it’s all an effort to distract herself , to entertain her brain with thoughts that somehow seem lighter in comparison to her own inevitable self destruction although the people she plays with might say otherwise .

consequences should scare her more than they do , but honestly she’s got a penchant for doing the things deemed bad for her . on one hand she figures little matters if she’s truly cursed , on the other hand she figures if she is cursed than whatever consequence comes her way is deserved .

flirty , but most of the time it never means anything . she is prone to intense infatuations , however , all of which have ended tragically so far so proceed with caution .

she’s definitely someone most people would know of , as she’s got an almost bad habit of striking up conversations with whoever , but ask someone to name her favorite color or any profound fact about her and they probably wouldn’t be able to .

very nosy due to her childhood of people watching and intensely studying the adults who raised her , and so the habit has carried on into her adult life . she won’t outwardly pry , but if you catch her interest she’ll unabashedly observe you like she’s an actor trying to better understand their part .

tons of fun at parties , but also in class , considering she’s snorting enough coke on the daily to treat school like it’s one big social gathering . life’s a beach baby <3

studying classics because she likes how intense the stories and history are , but she’s surprised herself by being rather good at the language aspect of the major .

deep deep down ... there is the desire to be understood and loved despite whatever uninhibited thing she’s convinced lurks around inside her but that is constantly in conflict with the idea that she’s fundamentally undeserving of real affection ... just girly things you know 🥺

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ WANTED CONNECTIONS ! ( all open to all genders )

my brain is quite literally all rot rn im just gonna list stuff with minimal elaboration please vibe with me ...

people she gets high with <3

ex infatuations that ended tragically lets get that angst

spare parental figures ... any professors out there want a demon child who will idolize u but not know how to deal with that so they just act up all the while hoping for forgiveness and the attention they never got from their own parents </3

speaking of professors i will play into the problematic trope of a student being obsessed with a professor -___- solely because i would lov to have gio go full throttle crazy ... as a treat ... this has nothing to do with that one line in lorde’s writer in the dark u know the one truly this does not have to be reciprocated at ALL

a confidant / someone she probably considers her closest friend who she is constantly disgusted with herself for opening up to but also truly not able to live without so it’s a fun cycle of push and pull but truly she’d probably die for them just don’t ask her that she’ll say no

i think it would be fun to have someone who knows about the supposed argenti curse maybe their family had some associations to gio’s or maybe they spent some time in italy at some point growing up and met her there idk im cute not smart ...

we’ve all been begging and begging i will jump on the bandwagon and ask for a sexy rival doesnt mean anything if u say i hate u after hooking up

someone she keeps bumping into when she’s sneaking out past curfew or cutting class and at first it was like dude seriously do we have to start alternating but now it turned into like wow i really hope we bump into each other again would u like a cigarette wanna listen to some music together

someone she sees a lot at stan’s place . perhaps on campus they have a very different relationship but off campus they feel free to have another

current hookups we love to see it there’s so many directions to go in maybe its purely a casual thing , maybe it’s casual for gio but not for them , or maybe gio’s the one like worm maybe i would like more than sex , maybe it’s like a we only hookup when we’re high at parties thing , perhaps it’s a secret hookup thing so it gets angsty

maybe a rival or someone she swears she hates and they swear the same but they accidentally bond along the way and it’s like well i thought i hated u but perhaps we are more similar than we thought but also we only know how to be enemies so how do we even move past this ...

perhaps someone gio goes to when she’s especially fucked up and they take care of her / start to resent her for seemingly caring so little abt her own well being and she resents them for caring too much bc it’s not liked she asked but she keeps showing up at their door and they keep letting her in

someone she can be in cahoots with ... go absolutely bonkers with knowing they won’t judge her and she won’t judge them

perhaps someone she can be a bad influence on

also someone who makes her want to be a better person bc we need balance

a group of girls gio can be like men r disgusting with but then they catch her hooking up with said stinky man and it’s just a cycle like please get some help luv

a dealer mayhaps ?

someone whose favorite pen she stole but blatantly lied and said she didn’t steal it but she uses it everyday in class so u know she did in fact steal ur pen

ok she’s out of juice i’m she

i wont lie to u ive been writing this all damn day … but we finally made it baby ��😭😭 im sosososo sorry for the length & the wait … also i feel like my charas always change a lil once i actually start plotting & writing so sorry again if u see me finally writing as giovanna on the dash and ur like lit rally who is that … JSDBWJBDWBDJ also side note i promise u im almost done word vomiting all over the place but it must b said ... u know how there’s that trope that supposed insanity is like not always real like how female hysteria was a whole as thing or like how in haunting of hill house where the charas weren’t really haunted by ghosts at all more so by their trauma ... that was my whole inspo with the argenti’s like are they even cursed at all ? who is to say ... PLEASE come message me on discord to plot ! @ you are my soulmate ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 maybe … give this a like if u wanna … do that hehehe thank u for reading all this ur so brave for that stay sexy stan loona x

#heretics.intro #╰ ♡ . 𝒏𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚 ── ooc !#pls lets not talk abt the length the quality OR the lateness ... compliments only x #JSBDJWBDJWBDJWD

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breadknight-likes-things · 4 years

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Game Journal 05/18/20: “The World Destruction Tour” A THUG 2 Level Retrospective, Part 3: Berlin

I remember a lot of the marketing for Tony Hawk’s Underground 2 (because these are just the stupid things my brain remembers forever) and damn near most of it was predicated on a strange lie. In all the ads the game seemed to sell itself as if you were going to choose between “Team Hawk” or “Team Bam”, but that choice is never actually presented to you in the story mode. For the vast majority of the game, all but one of the levels, you are squarely on Team Hawk, leading the bird-man to ultimate victory like Neversoft clearly intended. The one time the “Hawk V Bam” selection wasn’t a total lie was the third level of the game “Berlin” and even then, it still wasn’t actually in the players hands. So what do I know about the city of Berlin? Other than the at least a half dozen times I’ve razed it to the ground in World War 2 shooters, not a ton. Apparently though, in 2004, it was beset by curses, a rash of anti establishment taggers, and the terrifying musical DJ, Deadmaus. Now, it’s obvious most of this was made up, among the levels in this game is often feels like Neversoft was reaching really hard to find some interesting things about Berlin. There’s a burnt out old church where you uh....free some ghosts? I guess? Is that quintessentially German? Are taggers a German thing? Or was that just a by-product of the same age that gave us the game “Mark Echo’s: Getting Up”?

My favorite part of any modern city is the large burnt out churches that it doesn’t seem like anybody is really doing anything with.

What I do know for sure about this level of THUG 2 specifically, is that it’s largely an excuse to have a single level in the game where you’re on “Team Bam”. It’s an even bigger excuse to get you in the playable....casts....of Paulie “Wheels of Fury” Ryan, the insufferable sexist 12 year old in a full body cast an an electric wheelchair. I genuinely don’t know what they were going for with him, but it failed on all points. Notably, you don’t get to pick a “Pro Skater” option at the beginning of this level, because the slot is filled by Bam Margera automatically. I personally would have loved to sub him out for Wee-Man, who also features in this level in a bizarre fish based goal, but I guess you get what you get. Instead your stuck with some fairly generic gag goals like sticker slapping cigarette machines and *sighs deeply in 2004* grinding some letters of a big sign so that it reads “Owned”.

Actual skateboarding wise, Berlin is a little too spread out to be anything special. I’ve mentioned before that THUG 2 tends to try to be too much like the cities it’s levels take place in, to the general detriment of it’s actual skate areas, and Berlin is a pretty solid example of this. While of course there’s plenty to trick off of, don’t get me wrong, Berlin often feels like it’s just some random city block and not actually conducive to the great lines you’d find in some of the other levels. That said, it isn’t without it’s highlights, the burnt out old church makes for some great vert skating opportunities, and there’s some great launch ramps up on the handful of rootops that can make for super fun transfers if you hit them just right!

Was....was Bam Margera a pro skater? I love Jackass but i’ve always been a little confused about what Bam.....is.

Frankly, I think the most notable aspect of the Berlin level is in my favorite part of writing these posts.....

Tony Hawk’s Pro Terrorism: You derail a god damn train in the Berlin level. Extremely notably, unlike almost every other level, there’s no indicators or goal that results in said terrorism in this level. You’re left to figure it out on your own. Dear god is it bad too, I’m really not kidding when I say you derail a train! It hurtles off the tracks and destroys a pub! There is absolutely no way it didn’t end in someones death! Probably multiple people actually! They joke at the beginning of this game that the loser of the World Destruction Tour is responsible for paying for all the damages caused on said tour, but who’s going to jail for assuredly killing all these people?! It says a lot that they don’t point you towards this destruction event trigger at any point in this level, it’s so realistically grisly that it feels wildly out of place. Just......Bam Margera is going to jail people!

Random Screenshot Of The Day:

Berlin is also the first time in the game you meet the closest thing the story has to an antagonist: “Nigel Beaverhausen”. He’s a bizarre joke about....honestly I don’t even know what he’s a joke about. He’s a dweeby weirdo with a neck beard and comb-over who shows up demanding the teams let him film the tour so he can sell VHS tapes to teenagers. He’s not really important to the plot other than to provide a butt monkey, but, I guess, here he is.

Stray Notes:

- I still don’t know any of the Vocaloids other than Miku but I can tell you I don’t care for the guy with blue hair. His smug aura mocks me.

- Just got to the Locust origin facility in Gears V again, that sequence is still super haunting from a visual design perspective. There might be a game journal in it! I....think I’ve been taking plenty of screenshots?

- If you played THUG 2 and the line “The kids went nuts for it” isn’t burned into your brain for life, we are on two different wavelengths. That’s all i’ll say.

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rhodesmystery · 6 years

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natasha Facts™:

has subscriptions magazines, like trashy celebrity and fashion ones (witch weekly, spella weekly, the american charmer, the witch’s friend, spellbound, etc). has since she was in her early teens, keeps old editions.

endorses wonderwitch products hard. literally drops money backing it when she’s introduced to fred & george’s line. has three pygmy puffs, two pink, one purple, named kronos, atlas, and periwinkle.

her great-aunt vela urquhart played keeper for the holyhead harpies, and her uncle aquila plays chaser for the ballycastle bats. lots of her great-aunts/uncles and cousins are aurors, magical law enforcement or mediwizards, especially due to the war, having left previous careers that were also either to do with quidditch or breeding of magical creatures (notably for the urquhart family). there’s only one curse breaker in her family (great-uncle antares urquhart), one magizoologist (oriane selwyn (nee amell)) and one actress (phillipa graves (nee black)).

takes divination because she made a promise to her great-great grandmother, but she also gets a kick out of scaring trelawney with really great fake prophecies (especially when it means that class has to end early)

madam puddifoots tea shop is honestly one of the places she spends free weekends in hogsmeade at. you know when she’s in there because not many other dare to enter to find her.

may or may not have been involved in an incident where the previous slytherin captain fell off his broom at an early training, and natasha scooted on in as captain in her sixth year.

lyra, natasha’s mum and a number of her aunts and uncles and cousins were a part of the slug club, as was jacob. aquila, her mother’s brother thereby natasha’s uncle, didn’t quite get the ‘honour’

she’s a lot like her father, deep down. looks like him too, in the eyes.

her great uncle or cousin something removed or whatever, haytham black, married the infamous madame zabini. he died in ‘94 due to ‘natural causes’, which is considerably young for a wizard of his potential. no one could prove foul play. they had no children together, but the black family name in their line died with him.

she’s a stupid dumbass, who climbed the astronomy tower from the outside on a dare. you could dare her to swim the length of the black lake probably, if weighed in enough, despite her fear of water and drowning.

this also means she plays guinea pig for penny a lot, because the girl would be like ‘hey look i made a perfect draught of living death but i need to test it’ and natasha would be like ‘oh that’s my job right’ and rowan would be like ‘NO’. also she plays guinea pig because she’s quite frankly a little terrified of penny

one time her and barnaby tried to find out if they cast aguamenti ‘hard’ enough, if they could propel themselves into the air with water. yep.

very good at carrying a haughty air of indifference and smarts, but the reality is that she’s a thrill seeker, and really doesn’t have a look before you leap sense. like preparation sessions for anything is more her being held by the collar of her shirt and being forced to listen. why people follow her leadership is beyond her.

was supposed to be a ravenclaw. like knows it. and sometimes (a lot of the time) catches herself staring at the towers, knowing she should be up there. choosing slytherin to follow jacob’s footsteps was not her brightest decision, and it kind of haunts her a bit.

in saying that, jacob was the pretty boy jock who was great friends with everyone and popular and smart and everything people aspired to be. until he wasn’t. natasha isn't sure if her memories are just trying to remind her of good times, or just messing up what she hears as gossip with the reality, but the whiplash of jacob before and after hurts her. especially since she was barely ten or eleven (math bad) when it all happened. gets to a point where she isn't sure if she wants him back.

lyra seals jacob’s room in the manor. magically very very locked. when natasha finishes at hogwarts, she finally manages to tear the door down.

gets very very good at sneaking around the castle. she can’t help it, gets like manic energy late, yknow? and what better to shake it off than a walk around a creepy old castle. means that she’s found a lot of places to hide, however.

like she’s honestly not That Bad at spell creation, but she’s pretty blasé about it. the only spells she's created, or helped create, were really just to make sure charlie didnt die in the forest lmfao (like ad meridiem is a lighting/waypoint spell, generally utilised on carvings, so he doesnt lose his way). has made up a few hexes here and there though. flitwick is disappointed in her for the attitude though, and she doesnt like disappointing flitwick. that said, she COULD tell him about her charms, but that would mean admitting she knows charlie goes into the forest still and no one wants that conversation

she botched up dying her hair one time but keeps it that really bad not quite a dip dye just to annoy her mother

can’t tell if she actually went into the room of requirement or just a very quiet classroom. and will probably never know.

lets out a low whistle when entering a room she hasn’t been in before

sleeps with the curtain pulled on the right side of her room, which is her right if she was laying on her back, and mimics it with the beds at hogwarts, because that’s how she used to sleep back home in america

picks up random objects with not always the intention of keeping them, but the few she has she keeps on her person (currently: two smooth rocks, worn down by her running her thumb over them in times of stress, a locket missing its chain, a tarnished ring, several pressed flowers and a collection of shells)

while she’s half blooded, through marriage, a number of her extended families are related to other muggle families, pureblood families, or half blooded families.

religiously tells her father’s muggle family she’s a wizard, and proves it by balancing spoons on her forehead, pulling birds out of thin air, or ‘reading their palms/minds’. they think it’s great party tricks with the polite laughter of high society, but really it freaks them out a bit when she stops playing dumb and says something legit. (but then lyra says ‘natasha helene rhodes!’ in that voice and the game is up)

she’s fucking awful at potions. like hands down terrible. penny is literally carrying her through the most part of her education.

her owl is called fox because she thinks she’s funny, and she has a snake called marquis de sade, the third. it ate the second. she rescues it from a shelter, simply on the basis that it was taken from the apartment of some old lady. no one had seen the woman in weeks, the apartment was empty, and only the snake remained. freaky™

legend has it that her great great grandfather, before being burnt of the family tree, raided the family vault at gringotts. while his family claimed he stole, he was still technically a legal part of the family at the time, so nothing could be done. that said, no one quite knows where he put the money. the manor natasha grew up on, named urquhart manor, is actually very far away from where the urquhart family put down roots, and is where a majority of her family lives, or had lived, in their lives. it apparently just appeared one day on the cliff, and that’s the end of that story.

before the legilimency thing was a thing in game, i actually wrote something regarding it. lyra had a knee-jerk reaction to the letters sent home about natasha’s adventures, and spent the summer before her fifth year training her in legilimency and occlumency, alongside other family members. natasha’s ‘natural legilimens’ status is a stretch, as with eye contract, she can get a general read on emotion, plus bits and pieces on a general population of wizard kind. a stronger read on those younger and unawares of the art of occlumency, of course. and then an even stronger cast, provided she uses her wand, that actually gives her the ability to read memories.

#*natasha #hphm #my pc restarted writing this #so i rewrote it all from memory lmfao RIP

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malodorousmalcontent · 6 years

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Sucreabeille Review Part 2

Hey everybody it's that time: the Sucreabeille reviewapalooza is upon us once again. A short explanation: near the beginning of February, Andrea, owner of Sucreabeille, offered me a coupon to explore and review some of her scents. I accepted, and through various circumstances, ended up placing three more orders and coming into ownership of a grand total of 32 33 of her house blends, aaaaall of which I plan to review. Since that's, y'know, a lot of smells, I decided to divide up my reviews into four parts.

This is part two. You can read part one here!

So, without further ado, here's my thoughts on Arsenic; Longest Night; Death Unicorn; Let's Be Bad Guys; Banshee; Here's The Thing: Fuck Everyone; Arya; and You're In A Cult, Call Your Dad.

ARSENIC || Antique lace, gasoline, old books, fresh vanilla bean.

IN THE BOTTLE: Like a strawberry jolly rancher!

ON THE SKIN: Honestly? Still like a strawberry jolly rancher: bright, sour-sweet, mouthwatering candy, though it is accompanied by the occasional whiff of sharp gasoline-like fumes. This is like a brighter, perkier take on genuine gasoline... And, truth be told, i'm not complaining. I really like the smell. It really puts the toxic in intoxicating.

...Get it

Be--because, it's. It's arseni--

Anyways

As it dries down, the vanilla comes out, and it's this bright, rich, foody vanilla that doesn't let this scent darken in the least. At no point do I get the lace or the old books, though, which was a bit of a disappointment: I was sitting there huffing my wrists, trying to convince myself that any smoothness in the scent was the antique lace, that I was catching a whiff of paper or the reserved scent of a hardback cover... But, nope. Toxic jolly rancher, then vanilla.

Lasts for 2-3 hours before it starts to fade.

RATING: 4/5. Docked a point because of the lack of an appearance of half the notes, but even without them, it's a really tasty scent.

LONGEST NIGHT || A big glass of merlot, cinnamon sticks, freshly grated nutmeg, cedarwood, pure honey, frankincense, myrrh, sweet sugar plums.

IN THE BOTTLE: Very faint spiced wine.

ON THE SKIN: This starts out with the merlot and nutmeg/cinnamon conbination at the very forefront, and under it is something that, in my notes, I listed as smelling like a baked good - but it's the combination of the spice with the honey note, i'm absolutely sure. Usually honey is too strong on me and ends up being kinda unpleasant, but it's reigned back here and is actually pretty nice. Underneath it all, real subtle-like, is the same bubblegum smell that Frozen Moon has in spades: the sugar plum. I think the perfume could do without it, but it's faint enough that it doesn't really affect the scent too much.

On the drydown, the spice and honey takes over as the dominant scent - a little disappointing, considering what I said earlier about not liking overpowering honey notes. The merlot is still there, but much lighter, and there's still just the faintest whiff of bubblegummy sugarplum, and... That's basically where it stays. I never get the cedarwood, frankincense, or myrrh.

RATING: 3/5. Doesn't smell bad, but not something i'm in love with, either.

DEATH UNICORN || Fresh cut lavender, black anise, sweet vanilla bean, black pepper crushed under a unicorn’s horn.

IN THE BOTTLE: Anise made sparkly from lavender.

ON THE SKIN: So, for the first, oh, five minutes, I can smell basically everything in this. The anise is at the forefront, gummy and earthy and licorice-y, and the lavender gives it this floral edge, the pepper makes the scent buzz, and... Without looking at the notes, i'm guessing there's vanilla?

*Checks notes*

Yup, dead-on! It's below everything else, but still notable.

Unfortunately, after those first five minutes, basically every note but the anise, amped up by the vanilla, is gone... And I don't like anise. Pure licorice smell. It had some alright sillage, could catch whiffs of it while just going about my regular business, and it was strong and clear on my wrist... But I can't report on longevity - I had to scrub it.

RATING: 2/5 - not only do I just not like the smell of the biggest note in this, but the fact that everything else faded so fast is a bit sad. Maybe I just amp anise?

LET'S BE BAD GUYS || Tobacco/vanilla, gunsmoke, leather, sandalwood.

IN THE BOTTLE: Bright, fresh, new leather.

ON THE SKIN: This one's similar-ish in notes to Khal Drogo, but definitely doesn't smell the same. While KD's leather note was old and worn and velvety, this one is bright, fresh, and new - without going car interior. I think it's the same leather note that this house uses in Belladonna, which almost smells like dark, inky rain to me. It's a really pretty note - if you're familiar with Alkemia's The Raven, it smells like that. The sandalwood is there underneath it, dry and dusty, but it's way more subdued than it is in KD - the leather is definitely the star of this scent.

The rest of the notes, I think, are really well-blended and are there to boost up the leather. The gunsmoke lends it a surprisingly clean smokiness without going BBQ or getting amped to hell, as smoke notes will sometimes do on me (lookin' at you, Alkemia's Smoke and Mirrors and Solstice Scent's Foxcroft). The tobacco/vanilla's there, but it's very subtle, and just gives that leather a tiny swirl of sweetness.

Has some decent sillage - I can just barely detect it from 6-7 inches away - and stays pretty strong and noticible on my skin for a good few hours.

RATING: 4.5/5. Really good leather scent that stays surprisingly clean for the notes it has. Unisex, almost leaning butch - it makes me feel like a badass leather-clad biker lady.

BANSHEE || Burnt sugar; baby powder; nag champa; real ylang ylang; a perfect sunflower; palmarosa; fresh figs; a moonlit night; decadent pomegranate; metallic copper; white musk.

IN THE BOTTLE: Baby powder mostly, perhaps with a tiny bit of the burnt sugar.

ON THE SKIN: Woof, it's burnt sugar and baby powder time!

The burnt sugar is the first thing I smell, and it's the same note from Cream Tea - though it's much more subtle in this, not headache-inducing. Sitting up there at the top with it is the baby powder, which... Look. I'm not super familiar with the smell of baby powder, but this certainly smells like the baby wipes we've got in our house: clean, with a weird slightly bitter aftersmell, and, of course, powdery. Really, really powdery.

This perfume has a lot of notes i'm not super familiar with, so I had to kind've keep my thoughts general on the smell of it. I get the burnt sugar, the baby powder, something kinda earthy-dank, and a floral edge that's sort'a perfumey, not sweet at all. The sweetest thing in this that I can even sort of detect is the fig, which, honestly, ain't that sweet.

When it dries down, the burnt sugar goes away, but the baby powder persists, and there's something giving it a... Almost wheaty, nutty smell? I'm thinking it might be the 'perfect sunflower' note, which might be closer to sunflower seeds. The metallic tang of the copper is also much stronger, gradually overtaking the scent. The floral edge is gone, and i'm still not picking up anything fruity. The last thing I smell is the clean, slightly soapy nature of the everlasting fricken' baby powder.

Starts out strong, but gets sorta light on my skin within two hours. The last thing I smell before it disappears is just a strangely clean scent. ...Prooobably that baby powder.

RATING: 1.7/5. I bought this because it was a weird scent, and, I mean, I got what I expected.

HERE'S THE THING: FUCK EVERYONE || Bourbon, rich chocolate, dark amber, touch of dirt.

IN THE BOTTLE: Chocolate! Imagine that.

ON THE SKIN: So, when I first tried this on before resting, this was chocolate for all of 20 minutes before turning into dirt, and then it just kinda stayed at 'dirt'. Bit of a disappointment. I'm happy to say that after almost two weeks of rest, it's gotten a lot better!

First off, it's staying sweeter for longer, which is great. It reminds me of Hexennacht's Evening Star - powdery chocolate amped up by amber - but, uh, obviously dirtier. There's a teensy bit of a boozy edge, but honestly, if I hadn't seen the word 'bourbon' in my previous notes, I don't think I would have noticed it. Underneath it all: very subtle, dry, dusty dirt - but like, clean dirt. Like if you smelled a handful of dirt that had nothing else in there but dirt. No minerals. No, idk, worm poop. Just dirt.

As it dries down, the dirt overtakes the Sweet Notes, so now it's dry, dusty dirt on top of... Honestly, i'm pretty sure it's the amber - i'm not getting a lot of the chocolate anymore, but the scent is still very rich and sweet in the way that sweet amber can be. The bourbon's come out more, too. Let this one rest, guys! Forreal!

Sillage of 2-3 inches, and it's not light on my skin - nice n clear n easy to find, even on the drydown.

RATING: 4/5. I'm not personally interested in smelling like chocolate - something I learned shortly after ordering this - but it's not a bad scent at all.

ARYA || Peaty oak moss, lemon verbena, frankincense, a double shot of good bourbon, smoky sandalwood.

IN THE BOTTLE: Strong, slightly green lemon.

ON THE SKIN: Unsurprisingly, I amp that lemon verbena to hell and back, as I do most lemon scents, and it just completely overtakes the entire scent. The most that I get out of this from the other notes is a vague, fresh green-ness, which I imagine is from the oakmoss... Or, heck, maybe it's just more of the lemon verbena, since that's, y'know, a plant. Geeze. I was hoping maybe i'd get the other notes on the dry-down, but... Nope. As soon as the lemon starts to fade, the entire scent goes with it.

At the very least, even though it's really one-note on me because lemon is a Cursed Scent with my skin chem, it's a very light, cool, refreshing lemon. Like sniffing a raw lemon with a cold stream nearby. It eventually just becomes the soft, pleasant smell of lightly lemon-scented hand soap.

I... Didn't take any notes on sillage or longevity, because, gosh, i'm so good at what I do. I do recall that I never really smelled it in the air, so, it wears close to the skin, at least.

RATING: 2.5/5. Well. It's a good lemon note. :( Just wish I could get anything else.

YOU'RE IN A CULT, CALL YOUR DAD || Flannel, sedona trees, bergamot tea, snickerdoodle cookies.

IN THE BOTTLE: Snickerdoodles and flannel. The snickerdoodles smell so fricken' good, this is another scent that made me go 'ooooh!' upon first whiff.

ON THE SKIN: Oh, golly gee, this is so frickin' good. My absolute, hand-to-god, favorite scent i've picked up from Suc. Period. Saving the best for last, here.

Starts out with those rich, bright, mouthwatering, buttery, sugary snickerdoodles - but they're not cloying even on their own, though they have the flannel to temper them back as well. And, oh, gosh, that flannel's so good. Nice, fresh, cozy-as-can-be flannel: the flannel of the pajamas you wear on Christmas morning, out in your isolated cabin surrounded by a sunny-but-snowy forest. That kinda cozy.

On the drydown, there's suddenly a small, slightly bitter green note, which I assume is the sedona trees, but mostly it's just smooth-but-tangy bergamot tea, the snickerdoodle sweetness still floating around it. This has good sillage both when wet and dry - I catch whiffs of it often - and it lasts for a good, long time - I'll wear it to work and still smell the tail-end of it 8 and a half hours later.

It reminds me a lot of Sixteen92's Shadow Show, which is another HG scent of mine - not because they smell very much alike, they honestly don't, but because they both give off very similar not-quite-gourmand vibes, which i'm in LOVE with. I could wax poetry about this scent. I could sing ballads about it. It's so good.

RATING: 7/5. Like. Go buy this! Right now!

So, that's part two! Two more parts to go. Next review's gonna be: Liquid Gold, Belladonna, Big Damn Heroes, Cersei, Stay Sexy, Shiny, Margaery, and one scent I haven't chosen 'cause it'll be coming in my next order.

#perfumes #perfume reviews #sucreabeille #arsenic #longest night #death unicorn #let's be bad guys #banshee #here's the thing: fuck everyone #arya #you're in a cult call your dad

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ddrkirbyisq · 6 years

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Lots of things going on!

Music Stuff

Music music music. Finished up a commission, and will need to try to quickly knock out two more (short) ones in the early part of December. Also, ~Monthlies 2018.11~ is released! Was really fun drawing the cute quail for that album cover.

Pottermore Stuff

I forgot to mention a long time ago that I got around to taking the Pottermore sorting quiz -- previously I had only taken the Patronus and Wand quizzes.

My Patronus ended up being a Brown Hare, not too much I can really say about that.

My wand was a bit more interesting, "Ebony wood with a Phoenix feather core 14 ½" and Unbending flexibility". It's pretty spot on, as Ebony is for people who hold real strong to their beliefs (yep) and aren't afraid to be non-conforming because of it (yep). Phoenix cores are rare and difficult to tame, which I don't think is particularly surprising either, makes sense that I would get something tricky and complex. The wand is pretty long and skinny, but so am I, haha. And do I even need to comment on "unbending flexibility"? Of course...

I ended up sorting into Hufflepuff, yay! I always knew it'd be Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but didn't know which one. I don't think I could stand either of Gryffindor OR Slytherin, so as long as I'm out of those two I think I'd do just fine. Ravenclaw was my initial thought since I'd be with a bunch of nerdy bookworms, but in hindsight, Hufflepuff is probably the house for me. I'm no Hermione, that's for sure, and I think I'm set apart from Ravenclaw a bit by my focus on the practical and pragmatic...I think I would get into trouble if I'm around too many intellectuals who strive for knowledge and debate just for the sake of itself (speaking from experience...). And I would prioritize my consistency over my intelligence in a heartbeat -- I've always been more Green than Blue, after all (in regards to Magic: the Gathering). I think Ravenclaw would be more willing and ready to change themselves in order to do things more efficiently or just adapt to changing circumstances whereas Hufflepuff is more content with things just comfortably staying the same. I think that also speaks to my Introverted Thinking being tertiary rather than primary or secondary; I definitely have an interest in understanding the logic and systems of how things work but I'm more than willing to sacrifice that when it comes into conflict with the tried and true.

Game Stuff

Hollow Knight - My completion percentage is climbing quite more quickly than I anticipated -- I'm already at 97%! I feel like that's a bit of a misleading number though, as there's definitely a lot more than 3 more things I have left to do. I've just gotten the other half of the Kingsoul from the White Palace and am now ready to go through that door and get the Void Heart. I've still got some charms to go find in random places as well, and I still have a ton of geo to collect in order to get more of the unbreakable charms, etc etc etc. But it's still been fun so far!

Dark Souls - Not too much to report, but we've cleared out most of the rest of Sen's Fortress (minus the annoying Titanite Demons in the tar pit, but I'm thinking maybe to do those after another trip to the Undead Asylum to grab the Rusted Iron Ring). We've started going through the very first part of Anor Londo with the huge knights, which were quite intimidating at first but are a lot easier once you figure out how to best tackle them (just tightly circle around them and stay near their butts). At some point it might be a good idea to try and farm some more sunlight medals to get access to Great Lightning Spear, though that does require 30 Faith so I've got some time before that'll even be possible to cast (we're at 25 faith right now, guess I should start investing more into faith -- the last point was into dex). We're still swinging around the Iaito +10, which has been serving well, though we'll see if we open up any other useful weapon choices once we meet the giant blacksmith.

Xmas Stuff

Surprise! I thought I was done with xmas letters but I actually got another mailing address, so I just finished my =32nd= (and final?) xmas letter. I still need to figure out a few more gifts but I've actually already handled a lot of them which is nice. Shopping online via Amazon is definitely making things easier this year...

Coding Stuff

In addition to having LoopMuse updated and running again, I've also gone and rescued/updated RelentlessWaves! Huzzah!

Cooking Stuff

I did it! I made prime rib! (not actually "prime grade", but let's just say a rib roast is considered "prime rib")

I got way too much meat from the butcher (I seem to have a issue panicking in these sorts of situations!), so I split it into two and cooked it twice. This is definitely the most money I've ever spent on meat before...made sure to enlist help making it go to good use...

Made sure to apply liberal salt and pepper and stick them uncovered in the refrigerator beforehand. I kept on thinking I had been too heavy-handed with the salt, but that didn't end up being an issue at all. I guess you really do want to season it super well when it's a piece of meat this big.

Here's how the first slab turned out. I used a reverse sear, meaning low and steady oven heat to cook the roast all the way through to medium-rare, followed by a short blast in a blazing hot roasting oven to brown the exterior.

The slices looked (and tasted) great, and they're mostly medium-rare throughout. I had it with a bit of simple store-bought horseradish cream which I enjoyed.

The second slab (which I don't have photos of) was sort of more interesting as it had been in the fridge for around 4 days before I roasted it. I decided to trim off a bit of the exterior since I reasoned it had probably gotten TOO dried out (or possibly even gone bad) during its fridge time. I'd like to think that was the right call given that 4 days is beginning to creep up into "I'm dry-aging this meat" territory, but I can't really say for sure. It turned out just fine either way, though I got a bit impatient and used 180-degrees instead of 170-degrees for the low roast, so it was probably a bit less evenly cooked. It ended up being a mistake as the roast was ready way before the correct eating time so I had to reheat it. Not the end of the world certainly, but the first one probably ended up being better.

I'd say it was a success all around. Having a better cut of meat would probably increase the flavor, but there's only so much I'm willing to splurge on something like this (I guess it is once a year...). Maybe getting a higher grade / more marbled piece, but way smaller? I also know to not worry about oversalting next time, too. Once other thing is that I think I can shorten the high heat browning step a little bit. I think the exterior crust ended up being browned well enough and there's a tiny bit of grey banding near the edges of the roast. I'd rather sacrifice some of the browning to get rid of some of that grey, I think.

Anyways, hooray! Now to stay light on red meat for a while...speaking of which, it's been forever and a day since I've just cooked a plain ribeye steak, so that may probably be the next real red meat item to try? I haven't actually done the whole sous-vide followed by blowtorching in a hot cast iron pan thing yet, so I could definitely try that. ....maybe after the holiday season is over, lol.

Oh, cornbread happened too:

It was pretty....fine. Not super delicious by itself, but I mean, cornbread isn't naturally super delicious? It was a bit overcooked because I had totally forgotten I was using the convection setting on my oven, so whoops! Could have probably been more moist if I had not made that mistake. The bottom side definitely got burnt:

But the middle was pretty alright, so phew.

Oh, also, pumpkin pie happened:

Lol turns out I don't have a photo of the ACTUAL pie so you just get a photo of the "leftover filling" pie, which was much scrappier. It still tasted fine though! There wasn't really too much to mess up here, just blend all the filling ingredients together and bake it...simple and effective, and it definitely tasted like....good pumpkin pie. Would I make it on a regular basis? Probably not. The apple crumble thinger that I make is probably a bit more exciting. But if I am making a pie, this might be the one!

Ludum Dare 43

Starts tomorrow! Wish us the best of luck! =D I've updated to Unity 2018, which hopefully should not cause any issues. (also updated to the latest of LeanTween and SInput) Unity 2018 has its own pixel perfect camera implementation (currently a preview package), which I might play around with once I get back to Rhythm Quest development as a replacement for the other pixel perfect camera scripts I use. I don't see anything in the changelogs about fixing seamless audio in WebGL though =( Bleh.

Life

In general is going pretty well, with the notable hiccup/bump here and there that I'd rather not get into. But yes, in general I'm doing well! Keeping busy with a bunch of good things, while not getting =too= stressed out. Every so often I will have days of existential crises about the past, but that's something I feel is part of my very being, so I don't really think that's something I would even try to reconcile...

Anyways, I would say 4 out of 5 mostly* (?) right now, which honestly is what I'm happy with. I'm not one to need a 5 out of 5 all the time...

#Blogger

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