#its a good baseline to establish. good thing to keep track of. and good thing to keep in mind as you work on yourself and see what emerges

[kkoct-ik]

kottik i think ive already said it before but i SO so appreciate your perspective and attention to detail with dissociative stuff. trying to wade through scattered info on the internet for reliable resources feels like an impossible task sometimes lol so having the DID writing guide + your alter worksheet definitely helps a lot! 

feedback on the guide itself: i loved it!!! the only parts i didn’t personally find relatable were the parts discussing later stages of healing/recovery (since im not quite there yet) and some of the functional neurological symptoms, but everything else felt like it was describing my own journey and experiences with DID perfectly. i also really appreciated the section on amnesia and different types of dissociation, plus the lesser known symptoms, since a lot of the time i see conflicting and confusing info on that + i feel like a lot of writers who try to write DID and describe how amnesia feels miss out on that stuff and just skim webmd or something for their info. and honestly even in online And offline discussions of DID ive seen other people try to describe how it really works and feels and its… not always described well lmao . but that’s a whole other can of worms etc

i think, though it’s just a writing resource, it was also very affirming to see it all laid out like that. like Oh shit yeah i do all of that. that’s my life on the page!!! the whole time i read it i was like ‘i knew this stuff already, but i never knew how to explain it properly.’ and it’s definitely the kind of thing i wish id been able to see when i first started noticing my symptoms. many years of misinfo and confusion have messed w my perception of myself n my disorder for a long time so it feels like a breath of fresh air to see someone else pushing against that and actually doing their research to try and clear things up. not to mention how clear your descriptions are + how easy it is to comprehend your explanations, while still being concise and to the point. so great work!!! 5 star rating, will definitely be recommending it to others :3 hope to see more from you + hope that it helps others write cool stuff!

i missed this ask!!!! sorry for missing this yesterday

thank you!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa. im so glad. so happy yaaaay

yeah, i definitely relate with the struggling to articulate experiences, being muddled by things online, and feeling like other people really dont quite get it when trying to represent whats going on. it makes me happy i can help with that!!

i feel like i'm in a good place that i've read a Lot of DID & CPTSD lit and i've been stabilising in treatment (processing some stuff, working on myself, getting a better understanding of therapy practice). i think it's given me a lot of perspective on my disorder that i wouldn't really have otherwise, and that a lot of people might not have either.

(rambling...)

cuz yeah. i think trying to understand DID on the internet is a monumentously difficult task. on one hand, you have personal accounts from people with DID, and on the other, you have doctors and generic websites. both don't quite give a full or reliable picture.

if you try to understand DID by listening to individuals, you're vulnerable to being incredibly confused and misled. and most of the time it's not intentional - it's hard to communicate what your symptoms are when you think half of it is normal and the other half is conflicted and fragmented - but it can give others very strange ideas about what the condition operates like at large.

it might also seem respectful to take everything we say at face value, but that ends up meaning that our flawed / misguided perceptions of ourselves and our symptoms become solidified as fact. we are mentally ill, we are not necessarily educated, and are a patient base prone to daydreaming and suggestion. we can get things wrong, and we can emphasise the wrong things.

when people take our unreliable accounts as fact (vivid recounts of psuedomemories, venting about feeling like seperate people, or expressing any number of mistaken symptoms), our experiences can start to sound like fantasy. suddenly DID sounds like a disorder you could not fathom having or ever truly understand, rather than a disorder that is simply inherently confusing to live with.

that said, if you try to avoid that by learning about DID soley through medical accounts and websites, you will only ever hear about reported symptoms, the most extreme & notable case studies, patient observations, and generic criteria, leaving a Lot to fill in the gaps (when you try to deduce what it feels like to live with it / be in our brains), that leads to other kinds of inaccuracies.

(for my health i'm not even going to try to touch on hollywood and online influencers that sensationalise the condition for clicks and thus dominate the algorithm. but obviously they are a factor too. pop culture is a powerful thing.)

the internet is a mess! and while not everything that is misleading is untrue, it can be very easy to just, not quite get it, or misunderstand things fundamentally, in any number of ways.

so yeah, it makes me happy that between my life experience, therapy, and obnoxious amount of pages read, i can actually make what goes on somewhat digestible. i want to help contextualise medical criteria, pull out relevant snippets, and point people to some really good resources.

it's not to say i'm a spokesperson or expert. i am very much just a huge nerd who happens to suffer from a disorder and is very invested in understanding myself. but the positive feedback does reassure me that i haven't gotten anything heinously wrong.

ty again :)) yaayy

[karrakincavalrycollege]

How to implement new NPCs into Lancer's Shadow of the Wolf Module!

Vague, very minor spoilers ahead.

One of Shadow of the Wolf’s standout features is its colorful cast of premade NPCs, but of course there’s always that GM temptation of “but what if I add more of them…”, and I’m here to help with that! Because of Shadow of the Wolf’s structured tools for NPC interaction (which I have found very helpful), you’ll want to assemble a few elements before just dropping someone into the game. Now keep in mind that this entire post comes with the disclaimer of "Don't overuse this", there's already a big cast of NPCs to interact with in a relatively short module, so you shouldn't add a ton more in without really thinking about why they're good additions.

For the sake of having an example, I’ll be going through and creating a SotW style bio for the intern character I created for this blog, Lady Terese LaFleur of the House of Order.

Basic Bio

The first thing you’ll want to set up is a bio, which is a pretty common thing to do regardless of the type of game you run. In short, this should go over baseline information about an NPC, provide an example quote to set the tone for their dialogue, establish the character’s general appearance, vibe and basic personality early on, then go a bit into their history and connections. It generally should do it all in a relatively small space. For Terese, I’ll set up something like this.

Lady Terese LaFleur, Third Heir of House LaFleur She Her House of Order “Please stop damaging that statue! I’m pretty sure it’s against the rules…  … No I can’t make you stop if you don’t want to…”  Lady Terese LaFleur is a young woman with a neatly maintained, but relatively plain appearance. Whether wearing her school uniform or traditional House of Order administrative clothing, Terese seems to be trying to fade into the background at all times.  Being the third in line to a fairly wealthy family with connections to Archchancellor Zoeva, Terese has been able to secure a position as the Karrakin Cavalry College’s social media intern. While she is technically a pilot, she has very little focus on her piloting courses and prefers to spend time focusing on her Noble Studies courses.  It may not be the grandest of aspirations, but she clings to the position due to finding the options of joining The Second Suns, entering the Xenoglossary or getting a real job terrifying. Her nervousness about keeping a clean career track has also made her highly susceptible to intimidation and threats from other students.

Approval Clock

Up next, you’ll want to establish an approval clock! These are a fun narrative tool that Shadow of the Wolf uses to track each NPC’s relationship with the PCs, and whether you choose to track individual clocks for each NPC’s connection to each PC, or have a general “Party approval” clock for each NPC, you’ll generally want to determine where they start off. Someone more unfriendly like a mean teacher or cunning rival might start at a 2 or 3, while someone more friendly or outgoing might start at a 6 or so. For Terese, I’m gonna start this off at 5! She’s pretty neutral on the party and her approval can drop or raise pretty quickly early on depending on how they act.

Approval Rewards

Once you’ve sorted out the approval clock, you’ll want to pick a reward for the party to get from this NPC when that approval clock is maxed out! This can take a lot of forms like exotic gear, bonus reserves or even entire new mechs!

Because Terese is something of a bureaucrat in training, I’m gonna say that her reward is one use of the “Access” reserve per mission, essentially allowing the party to leverage their connection with her to get keycards, passwords and permissions that they otherwise wouldn’t have.

That covers all the basics that you need, but there are two other fun things that can be added in as well!

Combat Stats

There's always the fun opportunity to drop an NPC into combat as a bonus opponent, or allow the party to call upon them as an ally. When designing an NPC statblock, you should be mindful when creating something that the player characters may be able to secure as an ally in a future combat, so make sure they don't have anything too broken to function on a player-controlled side. They should generally be a Commander, Elite or Veteran in most cases, though when functioning as an ally, abilities that grant extra turns like Ready and Waiting should be removed when they act on the party’s behalf.

Because Terese has been pranked to deal with having a fucked-up HORUS technology mech, I’m going to be making her a Necromancer-class NPC from Enhanced Combat, then applying the Horror template from Dustgrave and the base-rules Commander template then giving her the traits Death’s Grasp, Abhorrent Redundancies, and Abominable. She hates this mech a lot.

Reference Image

Finally, I think its good to provide a reference image of the NPC you’re adding! Whether you use a picrew, draw something or commission something, it’s just nice to have a visual reference when interacting with these characters. I personally used this picrew to make a nice little example with Terese.

[slashthedice]

I’m not sure if you would count this as a request (just ignore it if you do) but how old do you think all the dead by daylight killers are?

Not at all! This is a really good question! I hope it’s alright if I only do the original killers since most of the licensed ones have established canon ages. These are just my thoughts based on what I got out of the character’s lore and the lore of their associated maps.

Evan MacMillan - The Trapper: 30-35 years old

The first age we hear discussed for Evan is 14 in the Archives (yes, I know I dislike and mostly ignore the horrible retconning the Archives do, but sometimes they offer a good baseline). Based on the lore and the appearance of his unmasked character model, I would place him in his early to mid thirties.

Philip Ojomo - The Wraith: 24-27 years old

I believe that Philip was probably young when he moved to Canada, maybe between the ages on 19-23. It seems like he worked for Autohaven Wreckers for quite some time before he found out the awful things that were going on and he had unwittingly been apart of, but I would still guess that he was fairly young.

Max Thompson Jr. - The Hillbilly: 20-25 years old

Max is absolutely still relatively young. I would say he’s probably similar in age to Philip. I headcanon that the Entity “spoke” to Max for a long time before he finally killed his parents, easily influencing his thoughts and feelings since his parents had never nurtured him in any meaningful way. The Entity would want him in his prime, but I’m not sure if his physical condition affects his health in any way, and if it would affect his lifespan, so the Entity may have taken him while he was still young.

Sally Smithson - The Nurse: 40-48 years old

So, we know that Sally was married before she went to Crotus Prenn. We also know that based on the style of her nursing uniform she was likely working sometime between the years of 1895 and about 1910, so I would guess that (based on trends of the time) that she was married in her twenties, likely early to mid. Her lore states that she worked at Crotus Prenn for two decades, which would put her somewhere in her forties.

Lisa Sherwood - The Hag: 25-35 years old

Because of the connotations of her title as “hag” and the Grandma’s Cookbook offering, I always thought of Lisa as being older. However, as I take a closer look at her lore, it seems to me that she may be much younger than I originally would have guessed. The cookbook belonged to the family of cannibals that kidnapped her, it was not her own. Her lore also mentions “the elders” who taught her the symbols, on which basis I would guess Lisa is not apart of those considered to be elders, meaning she’s at the very least not elderly. There is also no mention of Lisa having any family. She’s a difficult one, and if I knew from where she was heading home when she was kidnapped I might have better insight, but I would say that she could be anywhere from mid-twenties to thirties.

Herman Carter - The Doctor: 31-40 years old

So the first thing we are told about Herman in his lore is that he was published in high school and then fast tracked into the advanced neuroscience program at Yale within the year, likely making him 18 or 19 at the time. He was then transferred to Léry's Memorial Institute where he was trained and mentored by Stamper, which I’m guessing took place over a span of time that was likely a few years. Based on this I’m guessing that he was between the ages of 24-27 when he was given his own office/experiment space and Project Awakening was approved. It’s stated that over the years he became known as The Doctor. I’m not sure for how long Herman worked within the bounds of the MK Ultra project, but since I’m assuming his use of ECT and Project Awakening are based on the Montreal Experiments which took place between 1957 and 1964 I think it would be safe to posit a timeline of 7 years which would place Herman somewhere between 31 and 34, although I believe he may be as old as 40 based upon renderings of his character model without the headgear and the real life ages at the time of those heading projects within the CIA funded MK Ultra.

Anna - The Huntress: 23-25 years old

So, I had hoped to find more information about Anna from the origins of her lullaby, but unfortunately I could find little information about its origin. We know that she was very young when her mother was killed, I’m guessing between the ages of 7 and 10. It’s stated that she “got older and stronger and practised her hunt”. By that time I would have to guess she was between 16 and 18. Once she began to hunt humans, she had to have time to collect multiple little girls and unfortunately watch them die, putting her (by my best guess) between 21 and 23. Her lore then describes German soldiers coming into her territory which I believe would have been in 1916 and that she disappeared by the end of the war which was 1918 (unless we’re talking Russia’s exit from WW1 which I believe was in 1917). That means that by the time the Entity took her, she was 25 at the oldest.

Kenneth Chase - The Clown: 58-61 years old

For some reason my brain is telling me that Kenneth is 61, but I can’t find anything concrete to support that. So here’s what we know definitively: Kenneth was born in 1932, and he left home in 1954 when his father found his collection and he was 22. He then integrated himself into a traveling circus where he stayed for the next decade, putting him at 32 years old. After that he roamed and acted as a parasite until the Entity took him. However, a clue comes in the form of his VHS add on. The distribution of pornography on VHS tapes was popularized in the 1980′s, which means he was at least 48 when he acquired said tape, though its description as “an all time classic” leads me to believe that he had it for a decent stretch of time. So I would probably place him between the ages of 58 and my original guess of 61.

Rin Yamaoka - The Spirit: 20-22 years old

Rin is stated to be attending a private university at the time of her father’s mental break and attack on both her and her mother. There had to have been time for the bills to pile up between her university costs and her mother’s health expenses, which leads me to believe that she had been attending classes for at least a couple years. This would place her between the ages of 20 and 22.

Frank, Julie, Susie, Joey - The Legion: 19 (Frank) & 18 (Julie, Susie, and Joey)

I’ve discussed this one before, but I base my HC for the ages of the Legion based on Frank’s canonically established aged, and the devs stating that all of their characters are over the age of 18.

Adiris - The Plague: 19-22 years old

I could talk about Adiris for hours, but I’ll try to keep this one short. Adiris’s lore states that when she came of age she attended to the priests that were performing rituals and services to worship the Sea-Goat. Chronological age was not of particular importance to Babylonians so on the basis that “coming of age” is used in reference to a time when a young woman is ready to be married, I referred to Martha T. Roth’s paper Age at Marriage and the Household: A Study of Neo-BabyIonian and Neo-Assyrian Form and concluded that Adiris would likely have been between the ages of 15-18. After this, Adiris assisted in many rituals and cleansings as plague spread through the city of Babylon. I’m guessing that it was a couple years before all of the priests at the Temple of Purgation were unable to continue their duties leaving Adiris as the only one able to carry on. She would have needed time to amass her devoted followers and treat them before she herself began to show signs of infection. She then went to great lengths in an attempt to purge the plague from her body, which would have taken time. By the time of her self-imposed exile and subsequent death, I would place her between 19 and 22.

Kazan Yamaoka - The Oni: Thirties

I admittedly have not had as much time to do research and develop a concrete headcanon for Kazan’s age, but there are a few bits of his lore that can help to formulate a basic age range. We know for a fact that Kazan was married and had a son, and that his son was old enough to climb and play in order for him to have his accident. Based upon this and renderings of the Oni without his mask, I would guess that he’s in his thirties.

Caleb Quinn - The Deathslinger: 44-48 years old

Caleb is another character that I have not spent very much time with. In his lore, the only set amount of time that we are made aware of is the 15 years in which he was imprisoned, and then the six years in which he led the Hellshire gang. That’s at least 21 years of his adult life. I’m assuming that Caleb was a young adult when he first began working for Bayshore (probably between the ages of 18 and 21). It would have taken time for Caleb to create his inventions, and then for Bayshore to sell the designs and for those designs to be put into production. I’d guess sometime between 5 and 6 years, which would put him at 23 at the youngest when he attempted to kill Bayshore. He then spent 15 years in prison, and then 6 years heading the Hellshire gang. Therefore, I believe that he is at youngest 44 and at oldest 48.

Again, these are just my opinions and interpretations of the lore with which we have been presented, and I would be thrilled to hear any other ideas and headcanons!

[treeni]

Sanders Sides Orange Side Predictions

Theories Masterpost

If you haven’t read @averykedavra���s post on the idea then you absolutely should. It is extremely well thought out and considers a lot of possibilities about the Orange side, even though there are some specific thoughts that I personally disagree with, it is absolutely worth reading through.

First, I want to say I agree with them pointing out @dragonsaphirareads character Otto, aka “Obsession” as being a brilliant take on what the Orange character could be from a conceptual basis. I also think @candied-peach / Peachsneaker’s character Wrath is another brilliant take on the opposite side of the spectrum of the potential of what the orange side could be. Honestly, if you haven’t, you should check out these two creators' works immediately as they are both completely fantastic writers and have a lot of great Sanders Sides stories, both with and without romance.

My only gripe is that I think both characters are too inherently good in their depictions. Personally, I think both authors are right, to a point. I think the Orange character would be someone who cares too much and takes things too far. What’s interesting about DragonSapphiraRead’s character, is that he was once Passion and gave up parts of himself to the others. It’s interesting, but I personally don’t think that’s how it’s going to go.

Instead I think Passion is exactly the trait that the darkside character is going to embody and this is where I most agree with averykedavra’s take. I think the Orange side is going to come in as someone who appears “good,” “right,” and even “helpful” at first glance, and yet, you gradually start to realize the problems further on. 

If you look at the progression of the darksides so far, you may notice that  they have followed the rule of three in establishing a pattern. Virgil showed up and scared the others until his point got across until he was listened to, so really was it any surprise when both Janus and Remus immediately did the same upon their introductions? Given the divide, it took time and understanding to start being open to the good that Virgil brings. Janus has only just started to really prove to Thomas that he is well intentioned and Remus hasn’t even begun that part of the journey yet. However, you can see the three characters all in various states of the pattern that Virgil set. Virgil is at acceptance, Janus is at tolerance (or at least close to it) and Remus is still at distrust, but past the introduction and initial scare.Their actions have all followed the rule of three behavior that establishes a pattern for the audience to recognize. We inherently know Janus and Remus as being on the same “track” as Virgil was on a subconscious level.

Which is why I think the Orange side will absolutely destroy that expectation by diverting from that path and all current expectations of darksides. After a pattern of accepting the darksides, I think they will decide to immediately give the Orange side a chance because by then they will also have multiple examples of their shortsightedness about the darksides potential in helping Thomas.

 I also think Orange will absolutely come in and appear good at first glance. This will probably happen after Janus is really, truly accepted by the other sides and Remus is at least on his way to being accepted. I also really liked averykedavra’s idea that the orange side gives his name immediately, but I disagree on the idea that he can hide his role. The roles are something that others have been shown to bring up to the group and be generally aware of. No side has had to introduce their role as far as I can remember.

However I actually think of this as further evidence for the side having the role of Passion instead of Wrath or Obsession. Because Passion seems good at baseline and is absolutely good if controlled. However, Passion also encapsulates things like Wrath, Obsession, Procrastination, and Spite.

Imagine if you will, a side that comes in dressed as seemingly innocuous in fandom gear and tee shirts with big smiles and excitement. He quickly and easily proclaims his excitement of all of the others’ work and is extremely supportive at the beginning. I could see CharacterThomas becoming quickly and easily attached to someone who seems so positive and relatable. I think he’d be a little like Patton at first glance, but more childish. There would be none of the “fatherly” care in him for example. He would seem interested in what the others would say and generally only make quiet additions to the conversation. In the beginning it seems as if he brings out the good in the other sides with his small bits of help and encouragement. Except, he doesn’t stop at small. Instead as the sides start to become used to his presence he starts pushing things further and further. 

This side never lies, he doesn’t need to. He can manipulate the truth to do his bidding. He gently reminds Roman of all of the things he hasn’t yet achieved of his dreams. As a friend he pulls Patton aside to remind him of some of the bad things happening recently in the world, just to warn him of course. He asks for Logan’s help in clarifying  some facts that might be a little uncomfortable, but definitely important. He gently nudges Virgil about some of the dangerous things that could have happened to Thomas and really? Isn’t he just lucky to have come out okay so far? And self-preservation? No, not even he’s safe as the side reminds him of the rocky state of his “supposed acceptance” until Janus’ doubts overtake him.

You think Thomas struggles in dealing with one of them acting in extremes? Just wait until they all are. Logan becoming obsessive, Roman becoming unfocused, Virgil becoming paranoid, Patton becoming hysterical, and even Janus literally walling himself away because he devolves into extreme self-defense. (Also possibly trying to hastily wall just him and Thomas away. Because defensive rationality.)

The vast differences between the caring Patton and this side become increasingly clear to the audience, but by this point it’s too late. The sides are (almost) all hanging on his every word.

Logan can’t outmaneuver manipulative honesty, Virgil can’t caution against it, Roman’s too restricted to find a creative solution for it. Even Patton and Janus are ineffective because not only does it sound and feel right, it also seems akin to some of Janus’ behavior of revealing “uncomfortable” truths that Thomas doesn’t want to hear. 

I think this side is going to slowly drive the others into their own extreme biases until their own behaviors are so chaotic and restless they become literally unable to contribute to the conversation.

I also think that will be what makes this particular side terrifying. Instead of scaring the others into listening to him, he simply feeds into their own biases until they are so divided there is no longer a conversation. 

You see, this side wouldn’t simply want to be a voice to be heard. He would want to be the only voice.

Okay, now for my justification as to why. 

1. As I already mentioned before, we as humans like threes, comedians will list three things to establish a pattern and then add a fourth in a “one of these is not like the others” to make a joke. The best way to break a pattern is to flip expectation on its head. This side is already breaking that ideology simply by existing as a fourth darkside. He isn’t there to follow the others paths.

2. Janus and Remus’ religious dialogue that is telling of their own negative views of their lack of “inherent goodness” because they consistently use their own existences as proof of Thomas’ “inherent evilness.” While being revealing of their thought processes, I also believe it is a hint to the last side’s state as a Lucifer-like character in the classical sense of his intended perception. Not a demon, but an angel. Someone who believes they have done no wrong and tempts you on a personal level.

3. Also consider some of the things orange as a color symbolizes: encouragement, enthusiasm, and motivation, yes, but also ambition, domination, temptation, and warning.

It’s still loose evidence as we haven’t even met the side yet, but we as an audience can still derive a lot about him from the other characters.

Now that I’m here shoving all my opinions in your faces, I might as well go all out. 

I am currently two for three on darkside names so I’m going to throw my hat in and tell you my guess on that too. 

If the new Orange side follows my predictions I also think he will be named Aiden. 

Why? First, it means “fiery one” which is a perfect association for both passion and the color orange. It also mimics a “light side” name without quite fitting in with the “en” ending. Additionally, like most names, it is a modernization of older names and this particular one has derivative connections to both the Celtic god of sun and fire “Aodh” and the Greek god “Aidoneus” otherwise known as Hades. (Also keep in mind that Lucifer’s name means Morningstar, aka the sun.) Finally, the word “Aid” is literally in the name to give the impression of innocence. 

And that is my TED talk.

[the-sympathetic-villain]

You Belong With Me - Chapter 6

AO3 | First | Previous | Next | Masterpost

Description: Much to his surprise, after being released from prison for a crime he didn’t commit, Logan has been appointed as a the prince’s new advisor.  

Word Count: 4290

Chapter Warnings: None (Let me know if I missed anything!)

 Logan looked up as they crossed the courtyard to the bathhouse. A massive stone archway hung above the entrance as Virgil finally slowed his pace in front of him. Logan blinked, slowly inhaling the warm, humid air drifting out of the bathhouse.  He tensed as Virgil slowed, shifting his bag on his shoulder nervously as Virgil turned to face him.

Virgil noticed his discomfort and smiled reassuringly at him. “Hey, listen Logan, these are private rooms and I'm going to respect your privacy and stay outside but there are multiple points of entry to each room so I need you to keep talking to me while you’re in there.” Virgil paused. “I know it's a bit awkward and it's unlikely anything will happen, but I don't want to take any risks. Okay?”

Logan shrugged, looking at the ground. “Of all the things that have happened, I think I can handle this.”

Virgil nodded. “Okay, stay here a moment. I'm going to do a check of the area. Keep talking to me though.” Virgil ducked into the room, checking its nooks and crannies for any indication of someone's presence.

“L, keep talking.” Virgil called out to him when Logan remained silent.

“L?” Logan looked up from the floor in confusion.

“I've never been big on using people’s proper names. I hope you don't mind.”

“Oh, uh, no. I actually like it.” Logan said uncertainly, slightly taken aback with Virgil’s familiarity.

“Good. I think it might stick then.”

Logan smiled but his sense of ease only lasted a moment. “Vee…why did Roman pick you to guard me?”

Virgil came back out of the bathhouse, distracted. “I think we’re clear. Just call out if you need anything.”

Logan looked at him, waiting for an answer.

His question seemed to finally register in Virgil’s mind. “Oh, umm, Roman doesn't know if he can trust all of his members of the guard after what happened. Roman asked me because we’ve known each other since we we’re kids. He knows he can trust me.”

“That's not really what I meant.” Logan said offhandedly as he walked past Virgil.

“What did you mean then?” Virgil called out over his shoulder as he leaned up against the stone archway, glancing down the hallways.

“I meant to inquire about your qualifications for aiding in my protection.”

Virgil leaned his head up, looking at the ceiling of the bath house. “Oh, well…this isn't a typical job for me.”

“What is a typical job for you then?”

“That's…a good question.”

“That’s not an answer."

Virgil could hear doubt in Logan’s voice.  He paused, thinking.  “What I do is…complicated. I am whatever Roman needs me to be.”

Silence hung in the air for a moment before Logan spoke again.  “That doesn’t answer my question, Vee.”

“I know, L. Listen, if Roman needs information, I get it for him. If he needs someone tracked down, I find them for him. If he needs correspondence with some of the city’s shadier residents, I set it up for him.” Virgil snorted, rolling his eyes. “If his new advisor needs a bodyguard, apparently I do that too. Whatever he needs, I make it happen.”

Virgil heard Logan mumble quietly. He turned closer to the door frame. “What was that, L?”

He heard Logan clear his throat. “Do you do this for the whole royal family?”

Virgil hesitated. The flat tone in Logan’s voice gave him pause. He softened his tone, hoping to ease Logan’s mind. “No, I serve Roman and only Roman.”

Logan was quiet.

“You don’t have to worry about me being assigned elsewhere, L.”

“L?” Virgil’s muscles tensed as his inquiry was met with silence. He turned to the door, calling out louder.  “Logan?!”

“I'm fine, Vee.”

At Logan’s soft response, Virgil sighed, relaxing back against the wall. He kicked idly at the floor beneath him. “Don't scare me like that.”

“Sorry.”

Virgil winced, hearing the dejected tone in Logan's voice. “It’s all good, L. Don’t worry about it. Just keep talking for me.”

“How did you end up working for Roman?”

Virgil relaxed, leaning back against the door frame, sliding down the wall until he squatted on the back of his ankles, elbows on his knees. “I was a thief before Roman pulled me off the streets. We were both teenagers and I was dumb enough to pickpocket him.

“You pickpocketed a prince?”

“I didn’t know he was the prince. I thought he was just another spoiled noble.” Virgil laughed quietly at Logan’s attempt to conceal his surprise. “And I would have gotten away with it but one of his guards decided to harass me.”

“What happened?” Logan called back. Virgil glanced over his shoulder as he heard the movement of water.

“One of his guards searched me just for the hell of it, found the things I’d nicked from him and turned me over to Roman. The guard nearly threw me in prison but Roman was impressed. He offered to give me the opportunity to train with a master, in return for working for him.”

“That was…fortunate.”

“The break of a lifetime, for sure. If I’d stayed on the streets, I’d probably be dead.”

“Do you ever wish you could leave?” Logan asked, so quietly that Virgil barely heard him.

Virgil looked over his shoulder towards Logan’s voice. “Logan, I can leave. Roman doesn’t own me. I stay because I choose to.

Logan was quiet.

“L, he's not going to keep you here against your will.” Virgil slid further down the door frame, sitting on the ground.

Logan’s tone dropped. “I know.”

“If you did, you wouldn't have asked.” Virgil leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m trying to establish a baseline for who he is.” Logan was quiet for a moment. “I want to trust him, Vee.”

“It's okay. You have to figure out who you’re dealing with. I'm not going to fault you for that.”

“What type of training did you do?”

“My master trained me in several martial arts disciplines. They taught me how to use shadows to my advantage and the basics of being undetectable. I also became proficient in skills like lock-picking, escape artistry and other ways of…evading obstacles.”

There was a long pause before Logan spoke again. “Do you kill people?”

Virgil took a deep breath. “I'm not an assassin. I don’t kill unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“But you have?”

“A few times, it's been necessary. I had no other choice, L. It was me or them.” Virgil sighed. He hadn't talked about this with anyone, not even Roman. Virgil shook his head, looking down at his feet. Roman was right. Logan had a sort of charm he couldn't ignore.

“I'm sorry, Vee.” Logan looked down at Virgil sympathetically as he walked out to the hall, swinging his bag over his shoulder and running his hand through his damp hair.

“It is what it is.” Virgil shrugged his shoulder, standing up off the wall. “Anyways, that's our first obstacle down. I think we should head back to your chambers. Your breakfast will be delivered soon.”

Logan nodded.

Virgil gestured for Logan to lead the way down the corridor and they began their trek back to Logan's chambers. Virgil took a slightly more direct route this time. He was confident they weren’t being followed, at least for now. They were quiet as they walked at a brisk pace upward through the tower.

-

“It looks like we made it just in time.”

Logan looked up to see a boy rolling a cart up to the door just as they approached his quarters. He yawned, quickly thanking the delivery boy. Logan gave the boy a few copper coins before watching Virgil roll the cart inside.

“They don't expect you to do that, you know.” Virgil commented offhandedly.

“Do what?” Logan stifled another yawn.

“Give them money. It's their job to bring you your food.”

Logan shrugged. “I've got more than I need working for Roman. If it helps the kid, I don't mind.”

"Well, it probably makes their morning so it's probably worth it then."

Logan could just make out Virgil smiling at him in his periphery as he lifted the plate covers off the food on the carts. The bowls were filled to the brim with roasted vegetables and fresh fruit. The chef had even sent a small loaf of freshly made bread. Logan swallowed. He knew he should be hungry but unlike yesterday, he didn't have much of an appetite. The sight of the food made his stomach turn.

“I take it you don’t eat meat.” Virgil said, browsing the cart.

“Oh, um, yeah.” Logan paused. “I‘ve never really been able to stomach the texture of meat and the whole concept of… processing it disturbs me.”

“Honestly, same. It's pretty gross.” Virgil grabbed an apple, and lazily draped himself over the side of the couch.

“I wouldn’t have assumed it would affect you.” He leaned against the mantel of the fireplace, picking at his food.

“Why? Because I'm a merciless killer?” Virgil raised an eyebrow at him.

Logan nearly choked on his food. “No, that’s not—"

Virgil flashed him a playful grin. “It's all good, L. It’s a fair assumption. Most people in my field aren't the empathetic types.”

“No, I suppose not.” Logan cleared his throat. “Do you know many other people…in your field?”

“I have to. It's a matter of survival. You have to know who the major players in the city or you risk crossing them.” Virgil continued to eat his apple, strolling over to the cart to pick away at the other food. “The city’s underground isn't forgiving of mistakes.”

“I guess I'd never taken the time to consider it.” Logan said absentmindedly.

“You'll learn soon enough.” Virgil didn't look up as he continued picking through the food on the cart.

“What do you mean?” Logan looked up at him, tilting his head in confusion.

“Well, if you’re going to be advising Roman or whatever you’re doing, you’re going to have to know what's going on in the city.” Virgil said, looking up from the food cart. “I mean, you’ll have me to guide you for now, but you hardly seem the type to be satisfied with my expertise.”

“Practically, it is best for me to garner my information from multiple sources.” He sat his plate on a table, slowly sitting down onto the couch. He stared off into the distance, deep in thought.

“Yeah, I figured.” He cut off a few slices of the fresh loaf of bread, continuing to pick at his other food. He paused, noticing that Logan had stopped eating. “Not hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Jeez. You don't eat. You don’t sleep. What's wrong with you?”

Logan flinched.

Virgil looked over at him guiltily.  “Sorry, L. I didn’t mean it like that.   It’s just... you're not going to last long the way you’re going.”

“I know. I appreciate your concern. I promise I ate well yesterday.” Logan sighed. “Sleep is getting to be a problem though. If I don't sleep soon, I'm going lose my mind.”

“The nightmares really get to you, huh?” Virgil sat down on the couch opposite of Logan.

Logan couldn’t meet Virgil's gaze. He could feel shame burning on his cheeks.

“Hey, uh, listen.” Virgil moved around the couch to sit next to him. He leaned in close. “I've heard stories about the dungeons. I don't know how much of it’s true and I don't know what you’ve been through the last few weeks or in your life but…it's going to be okay. You’re safe here.”

“I-I don't know.” Logan struggled to keep his voice from shaking.

“Listen Logan, you don't have to believe it yet, but I need you to hear it.” Virgil wrapped his arm around Logan’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

“You can't guarantee anything, Vee. You and Roman. Even if your intentions are good, you’re both human beings capable of making mistakes.” Logan pulled away. He moved his legs up onto the couch, pulling them close to his chest and leaning back into the cushions.

“You’re right, L. I can't guarantee you'll never be hurt again, but I'll guarantee you’re not alone anymore.” Virgil pulled his legs onto the couch and crossed them, looking over at Logan.

Logan smiled tiredly at him.

Virgil watched as Logan's eyes started to droop. “Maybe you should try to get some rest.”

“If I sleep now, I won't be able to sleep tonight.” Logan evaded.

“That’s a lie. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” Virgil pushed.

“I don't know."

“You look like a soft wind could blow you over.”

Logan was quiet, looking down at the ground.

“Look at me, Logan.”

Logan looked up at him.

“I have had a dozen opportunities to hurt you by now. You’re alone with me and you’re clearly weak. You’re pale as a sheet. There’s not much you could do, awake or not, if I decided to try something.”

“Great.” Logan said bitterly.

“My point is that I haven't done anything, despite clearly having the opportunity. Come on, logically, you know I'm not here to hurt you, L. If I was, something would have happened by now.”

Logan sighed and nodded.

“Go sleep. I'll wake you in a few hours.”

Logan started to stand. “If you insist.”

“I do.” Virgil smiled at him.

“Thanks.” Logan said softly as he wandered out of the room.

Virgil watched Logan until he closed the door before turning back around on the couch to face the door. He leaned back into the corner and pulled out a small dagger to pass the time, twirling it around his fingers.

-

The sun was high in the sky as Virgil laid on couch, picking at the dirt underneath his fingernails with his knife. Logan had been asleep longer than he’d expected but he was grateful. Logan clearly needed the rest. Virgil glanced to Logan's door, contemplating their morning. Roman had been right about Logan. There was something about this guy. Virgil took a deep breath. Perhaps, he simply couldn’t ignore someone who was so clearly in pain.

A small noise jolted him from his thoughts. The lock was moving in the door. Virgil jumped up from the couch silently, holding his dagger close to his body. He was across the room in an instant, pressing his body against the wall behind the door.

The door eased open quietly. Virgil tensed ready to surprise the intruder. He leaned forward, peering around the door. He quickly relaxed.

“Roman!” Virgil hissed.

Roman jumped, spinning around. “Virgil! What are you doing here?”

Virgil looked at him, dumbfounded. “Having a picnic.” Virgil whispered sarcastically. “What do you think I'm doing here?”

“Right, sorry. You just surprised me." The prince glanced around the room. "Where’s Logan?”

Virgil hushed him. “He's asleep.”

“It's the middle of the day.” Roman said, confused.

Virgil frowned. “I know. I don't think he's been sleeping.”

“Oh,” Roman face fell. His eyes filled with concern. “Is he okay?”

“No…or maybe.” Virgil paused, unsure of his words. “He's getting better, I think.”

“What does that mean, Virge?”

“I don't know, princey. I can't tell what’s going on in his head. Sometimes, he seems okay. Other times, he just looks really sad.” Virgil hesitated. “Or scared.”

Roman sighed. “Did he say anything about what happened?”

“No offense, princey, but even if he said anything, I wouldn’t tell you.”

Roman looked over at him with a shocked expression.

“I agreed to protect him, not to spy on him. If Logan wants you to know something, he can tell you himself.” Virgil said sternly.

Roman reluctantly gave in. “Fine, Virge. You're right to not violate his trust. I'm just worried. He doesn’t trust me enough to talk to me.”

Virgil shrugged, turning to jump over the back of the couch, landing softly on the cushions. “He's afraid of the power you have over him.”

“I know. I don't blame him.” Roman stepped around the couch, sitting next to Virgil. “But it's difficult to know he's afraid of me.”

Virgil smiled sympathetically at him. “Give it time, princey. You got me to trust you. It doesn’t get much more difficult than that.”

“I know we'll get there.” He paused. “I only wish we had more time. Something dangerous is headed our way and we need to get out in front of it. My gut's telling me that Logan is going to be important to us making it through this.”

“We'll be ready, princey.”

“We will be, Virge.” Roman sighed, pondering for a moment, before turning back to Virgil. “Listen, take off. Get some rest. I'll take over here for a while.”

Virgil nodded, standing up off the couch. “I promised to wake him soon, so you'll have to do that.” Virgil hesitated. “And make sure he knows I'm coming back, princey.”

Roman raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the cushions. “You really took to him, huh?”

Virgil shrugged. “l couldn’t help it. I know what it’s like to feel out of place around here.”

Roman smirked at him. “I know. That’s part of why I asked you.”

“Yeah, figures." Virgil smiled tiredly over at him.

“Go get rest, Virgil. You’ve earned it. Be back by nightfall. I'll handle things here until then.”

Virgil hesitated, staring at Logan’s door over the prince’s shoulder.

“I'll make sure he knows you’re coming back.” Roman reassured him.

“Okay, princey.” Virgil finally replied tiredly, turning his attention back to Roman. “I’ll be back tonight.”

-

Logan woke with a start, jolting upright in his bed. His muscles tensed as his tired mind registered the sound of voices outside of his door.  He listened intently, sliding silently out from underneath his blankets. Creeping across the room, he kneeled down, holding his ear to the door. The tension in his body eased as he recognized Roman and Virgil’s voices. Unable to make out their word, Logan looked at the door, swallowing back a pang of guilt as he slowly cracked the door so he could hear their conversation.

“Is he okay?” Roman's quiet voice drifted in through the cracked door.

A faint smile formed on Logan’s face as he listened to Virgil try to make sense of his behavior. He was clearly having a tough time pinning down Logan's emotional state but what he had picked up on was surprisingly accurate.

“Did he say anything about what happened?”

A chill swept over Logan realization washed over him that Virgil reported to Roman. Logan silently berated himself for not guarding his words more closely with him. Anxiety settled in the pit of his stomach as he leaned in to listen closer.

“No offense, princey, but even if he said anything to me, I wouldn’t tell you. I agreed to protect him, not to spy on him. If Logan wants you to know something, he can tell you himself.”

Logan sucked in a breath of air, immediately feeling guilty for doubting Virgil. Aside from their initial encounter, Virgil had given him no reason to distrust him. Still, relief washed over him. He wasn't ready to share everything with the prince just yet.

To Logan’s surprise, the prince accepted that Virgil wasn’t going to share rather easily. He leaned closer to the door, listening to Roman's words through the crack. The prince sounded almost disappointed that Logan didn't trust him. and, despite his obvious curiosity, the prince still didn't push Virgil for more information.

“He's afraid of the power you have over him.”

 Accurate, Logan thought. He turned his face down, tracing the bruises on his wrists absently. The power Roman had over him at this point terrified him, though he clearly craved Logan’s trust.

He listened for a while longer but his interest had began to fade. Logan couldn’t help but feel that the rest of the conversation was hyperbole.  Roman couldn’t possibly believe he had any ability to influence the kingdom's future. He was merely a bystander, caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.  

“You really took to him, huh?”  

“I couldn’t help it. I know what it’s like to feel out of place around here.”  

Logan felt heaviness in Virgil’s words. Even with what he’d learned earlier, he felt like he was missing a part of the story. He leaned his head back against the door frame and listened as Roman sent Virgil off to rest. He sensed Virgil felt guilty for leaving. Logan frowned. Virgil couldn't be here watching over him all the time any more than Roman could. He needed rest and time to recover. Eventually, Virgil seemed to give in to the prince's insistence. Logan smiled. He was glad Virgil had decided to take care of himself and, admittedly, pleasantly surprised that Virgil seemed to genuinely care for his wellbeing.         

After Virgil had departed, Logan let a few minutes of silence pass before he decided to come out of his room. He cracked open the door slowly and silently. The prince sat on the chair crouched over a piece of parchment he was reading.

“Good afternoon, my prince.” Logan said quietly. He walked across the room and leaned on the mantel of the fireplace, facing the prince.  

“Logan, you’re awake. Good to see you." Roman glanced up and down at him. "And again, please call me Roman. Truly, I can’t stand the formalities.”  

“Ok, sir-"         

Roman raised an eyebrow.

“As you wish, Roman. Where's Virgil?” He asked, not wanting to let on that he’s eavesdropped on their conversation. Fortunately, Roman seemed oblivious to Logan's nervousness.

“I sent him to rest. He's going to need the energy for when he comes back tonight.” Roman paused. “He was reluctant to leave you, but I insisted." 

Logan smiled.

“How are you today?” Roman asked.

“I'm fine.” Logan said but his smile faltered, and he sighed as he noticed Roman's look of disbelief. “I'm better than I was. My face is still sore, but the bruises are fading.”

“Logan,” Roman began cautiously. “I’m going need to know how you got those bruises.”

“Oh, umm-uhh… I-I mean…” Logan stuttered.

Roman held up his hands, backtracking. “I'm sorry, Logan. Relax. I don't need to know right this moment. I don't want to push you because I know you’ve been through a lot, but eventually, I need to know.��� 

“Oh. Okay.” Logan seemed relieved.

“I wish I didn't have to rush you. I'd much rather you have the time to process your hardships before having to re-live them.” Roman paused. “But, unfortunately, this is a matter of the kingdom's security and I can't wait indefinitely.” 

“I know, Roman.” Logan looked away, crossing his arms.

Roman hesitated, feeling Logan closing himself off. “I'm sorry, Logan. Truly, I am. For now, just consider it. That’s all I’m asking of you, okay?”  

Roman watched as Logan snuck a glance up at him, gauging the truthfulness of his statement. “Okay. I’ll consider it.”  

They sat in silence for a few minutes.  

“I am glad you're doing better, Logan.” Roman said, breaking the silence again. “Please, forgive my persistence. I didn't mean to disturb you.”  

“It's okay.” Logan sighed, turning back to him. "I know I need to recount my experiences. I know that it's important information for you to have. Just...every time I think about it though, my throat constricts and I feel like there is a physical blockage keeping me from saying anything."

“That's entirely normal, Logan. I've seen soldiers unable to recount their most traumatic battles even years later.”

“But I didn't go to war. I just…” Logan’s voice trailed off.

“Don't compare one experience to another. You've been through a lot and events like this affect everyone differently."

“I know.” Logan paused, trying to keep his voice from quivering. “I just feel weak, knowing I'm struggling to cope with recent events.”

“Having feelings isn't weakness, Logan.”  

Logan shrugged. Crossing his arms, he moved over to the window. Warm sunlight lit his face as he looked down on the kingdom below.

“Let's table that thought for now, okay?” Roman said, changing the subject. “I have a job for you.” 

Logan continued to stare out the window, watching the people move about the courtyard below. “What do you require of me?”         

“I need you to do some research for me.”  

Logan looked up from the window at him, his curiosity piqued. “On what subject?”        

“I am meeting secretly with a small council tomorrow, regarding the recent attempt on my life. I need information on the poison that was used and, more specifically, where it came from. I need a starting point for identifying the person responsible for the attempted assassination.”  

“Do you have the dart in your possession?”  

Roman nodded. “It was recovered when I was discovered unconscious in the corridor.”  

Logan looked at him seriously. “Roman, I can complete this task for you. I'm certain of it, but I’m not confident I can identify the poison in such a short window of time. I am knowledgeable about local plants because of my apprenticeship but I’m hardly an expert in botany.”       

Roman was quiet for a moment. “I have to admit. I am surprised. I thought you had already identified the poison.”  

“No. I haven’t.”         

“How—” Roman paused, looking over at Logan in confusion. “Never mind. Perhaps, now is not the time for that conversation.” 

Logan watched as Roman pondered his new dilemma. Silence filled the room for an uncomfortable amount of time. Logan shifted his feet uncomfortably. He froze as Roman’s gaze finally snapped up to him.  

“I think I have a solution for you. Let's take a walk, Logan.” He moved from the couch to the door, gesturing for Logan to follow him.

You Belong With Me Taglist: @cas-is-a-hunter @insert-cool-blogname @ironwoman359 @i-know-im-smart @imbadatnames8d @dwbh888

[naralanis]

Edges

A Replicant!Lena AU because am drunk. Little bit. And watched that movie like last week. Anyway.

also on AO3

“Do you like our owl?”

The voice comes out of nowhere, and admittedly scares Kara enough that she startles the bird in turn, sending it flying in a flutter of beating wings and displeased hoots/  

Her eyes follow the owl's trajectory through the opulent waiting room, up until it lands a bit ungracefully on a perch by the door she had come through. There's a woman there now, impeccably dressed and a prim, severe demeanor. Her jet-black hair is pulled tight into a ponytail; her eyes are a captivating green, and there's a full, manicured brow raised in question.  

“I do,” Kara says, clearing her throat and not looking at the bird at all. “Is it real?"

A little smile tugs at the woman's wine-red lips, and she lets out a soft chuckle. “Of course,” she says, as if the question is entirely absurd, green eyes shimmering in the light. “Do you think Mr. Luthor would have a fake owl in his waiting room?”

Kara shrugs. “Must have been expensive.”

The woman's smile widens. “Incredibly so,” she quips, motioning to the door. “If you would follow me, Ms. Danvers; Mr. Luthor is ready for you now.”

“Right, right, thank you,” Kara says, reaching for her briefcase and hastening to follow. “Thank you, Ms...?”

The smile turns into a smirk, as if the woman seems to be enjoying playing with Kara as the blonde quickens her pace to follow after the echoing click of her heels. “Luthor,” she says cheekily. “But you can call me Lena.”

Kara almost stops dead in her tracks; she has to make a conscious effort to keep following after her. “Luthor?” she repeats dumbly, unable to conceal her surprise. “Are you a relative of Mr. Luthor's?”

“His sister.” 

Kara has to process that information for a second; none of the files she had been given on Lex Luthor mentioned any living family, especially not a sister.  

“I didn't know Lex Luthor had a sister,” she admits.

There's a twitch to Lena's upper lip, but it's gone in the blink of an eye. “I prefer to be... behind the scenes, so to speak,” she says. Her gaze abruptly turns to Kara, and yet her steps do not falter for even a moment. “Tell me, Ms. Danvers, have you been a Blade Runner long?”

Kara's brows furrow before she can help it. “For some time.”

“You must have retired quite a few Replicants.”

It wasn't a question, and Kara was not sure if she should treat it like one. “Some,” she said simply. She has never particularly enjoyed her job; it was just one of those things that had to be done, and something she happened to be more than competent at. Nothing more.  

“What are your thoughts on them?” Lena presses on.

“Replicants?” Kara asks. The line of questioning throws her for a loop. “I have no thoughts one way or the other; they're... machines, for good or for bad.”

Lena nods, though her expression is unreadable. “And if they're... not good, it is your job to retire them.”

That was definitely not a question, Kara thinks. “Yes.”

“You must be quite good at spotting them.”

That also isn't a question, but Kara cannot think of a response before they reach an impressive set of heavy doors that look to be made of real wood. If Luthor has a real owl, it stands to reason that these would be real wood. Lena stops right at the threshold, shooting Kara an odd look that the blonde cannot process immediately, because they walk into a spacious office, and there, at the end of a long conference table, sits the man, the legend himself, in all his glory.  

“Kara Danvers,” Lex Luthor greets them jovially, in a cheerful voice that inexplicably sends a chill down Kara's spine. “Thank you for showing her in, Lena.”

Lena gives him a polite nod, not leaving her post by the doors.  

“Mr. Luthor,” Kara says, already reaching a hand out for him to shake, wanting to get this over as soon as possible for reasons she cannot presently fathom. Something about Lex just rubs her the wrong way, and she tries not to let that show as he approaches and shakes her hand. “Thank you for taking the time to see me, I understand you're quite a busy man.”

He grins, and Kara doesn't like it one bit. “Please, call me Lex. Of course, of course, anything I can do to help.”

Kara squares her shoulders, getting right down to business. “Well, Mr. Luthor—Lex--as you know, we'd like to establish a few baselines for your Nexus-6 model to help us with an ongoing investigation. I was hoping to...”

“All in good time, Ms. Danvers. Patience, patience. I'll help you with your little investigation however I can—if you can answer a few questions of mine first.”

She has to fight the uncomfortable feeling that manifests in the pit of her stomach. She's dimly aware of Lena's green gaze fixed on her and Luthor, interested, curious.  

“That little test of yours... capillary dilation of the so-called blush response? Fluctuation of the pupil, involuntary dilation of the iris?”

“We call it Voight-Kampff for short,” Kara says, brow raised in question.  

“I must admit I am rather curious, Ms. Danvers. Tell me, have you ever retired a human by mistake?”

“No,” she says quickly. “Mr. Luthor, what exactly is the purpose...”

“But it is a risk, in your profession,” he interrupts. “Is it not?”

Kara frowns. “What is your point, Mr. Luthor?”

Lex's grinning sets her teeth on edge. “The Nexus-6 is the pride and joy of my corporation, Ms. Danvers—the most advanced model ever put on the market. And yet, they still have flaws—fatal flaws, that caused the ones you're hunting to go... off the rails, so to speak.”

He seems to take Kara's silence as encouragement to keep going, and does just that, pacing in a way that unnerves her. “You see, they lack certain capabilities, certain... nuances that you and I are privileged to possess that we simply have not been able to reproduce artificially. Empathy, emotional maturity. They are, I hate to say it, woefully underdeveloped in that regard.”

“I am well aware, Mr. Luthor,” Kara interjects, annoyed that this man—a genius though he may be—is speaking to her as if hunting down those machines wasn't literally her job description. “That's why they have a failsafe.”

Luthor nods, and his expression remains unreadable, even if his unsettling smile is still very much in place. “Yes,” he confirms, stopping and holding the back of his chair. “The four-year lifespan. Tell me, Ms. Danvers, have you ever performed your little empathy test on a human subject?”

“No.”

His grin grows wider. “Lovely. I would love a demonstration, if you would be so kind to indulge me.”

Kara frowns. “Mr. Luthor, I'm here to acquire a new baseline for the Nexus-6 models so as to better understand...”

“Yes, yes, I know,” he waves her off. “I won't stop you from doing your job, Ms. Danvers. I would simply like to see a negative result before I provide you with a positive one. Is that agreeable?”

Kara feels her knuckles tightening around the handle of her briefcase; she wants this to be over.  

“Very well. I assume you will be the subject, Mr. Luthor?”

His eyes glimmer in a way that makes Kara's stomach turn. “Try Lena.”

Lena seems just as surprised as Kara feels at the suggestion, but does a remarkably better job of hiding it and regaining her composure. The clicking of her heels approaches immediately after Lex summons her, and her expression is completely neutral by the time she takes a seat at the table.  

The brunette eyes Kara with a raised brow breaking her schooled expression, looking almost forcibly nonchalant. She pulls out a cigarette as Kara takes her time unloading and setting up her equipment, still very much aware of Lena's watchful green gaze.  

“Do you mind if I smoke, Ms. Danvers?” she asks, and it sounds almost teasing.  

The machine whirrs to life, and Kara contains a heavy sigh at the unshakeable feeling that she has walked straight into a trap of some kind.  

Her gaze locks onto Lena's hypnotizing green irises, and she flicks the button to start.  

“It shouldn't affect the test.”

~page break~

Kara's back is sore from leaning into the Voight-Kampff apparatus, and her eyes sting from the strain of looking through the visor for so long. It feels like hours have passed, but she's afraid of actually checking the time. She shuts off the machine with a strained huff as she rolls her shoulders and arches her back, feeling her spine pop pleasurably at the stretch. She blinks away the strain and dryness of her eyes, taking her time to sink back into her chair, and tries to give her mind a few precious extra moments to fully comprehend what she has just uncovered.

Lex had not moved a muscle during the entirety of the test; he's still sitting unnaturally still by the time Kara shuts off her equipment. Lena eyes her curiously, lips pulled into a taut line.  

“Lena, if you would please excuse us a moment.”

Kara deliberately looks at her equipment, putting it away methodically and slowly, but for a moment she catches a hint of displeasure that flits across Lena's face at Lex's command. The brunette hesitates for only a second, but complies. Kara's heart beats in tandem with the fading staccato of Lena's heels, and once the door finally clicks closed behind the other woman, she tries to speak, only to find the words stuck to her throat.  

Lex regards her knowingly, his expression—his smirk—shifting into something conspiratorial, as if he had just let her in on a great big joke.  

“Well,” he says with obvious satisfaction, slapping his hands on the table. “I must say, I am impressed. That was rather... illuminating.”

“She's a Replicant.” Kara finally bites out, shutting the apparatus closed in its case with a bit more force than she intended. She stares down Luthor, probably doing a piss-poor job of concealing her inexplicable anger, but unable to bring herself to care. She wants him to deny it. She wants him to tell her that her equipment must be faulty; hell, she wants him to tell her that she is just plain wrong and that she sucks at her job. She wants anything but the truth she's still presently still struggling to fully comprehend.  

“Well-observed, Ms. Danvers.” he says simply, nonchalantly.  

“She doesn't know,” Kara murmur, unsure if to herself or to Luthor.  

He shrugs, looking entirely unbothered. “I think she's beginning to suspect—I made her into a rather intelligent prototype, after all,” he explains, drumming his fingers casually on the solid wood of his conference table. “Tell me, Ms. Danvers, how many questions does it usually take you to, as some policemen so eloquently put it, ‘sniff out a skin-job,’ eh?”

Kara grits her teeth, “Twenty to thirty questions, cross-referenced, depending on the model,” she answers by rote. “How can she not... how can it not know what it is?”

Lex's smirk is unbearably smug. “It took you over a hundred for Lena, didn't it?”

Kara has to focus on unclenching her fists for a moment. “Yes,” she confirms, turning a flinty gaze to Luthor as she repeats her question. “How?”

“’More Human than Human’, Ms. Danvers—that is the motto here at LuthorCorp. Our goal is commerce; it's that simple. Lena is... an experiment. Nothing more.”

He stands, walking around the table tos top directly in front of Kara.

“The Nexus-6 is quite a marvel of bio-engineering, Ms. Danvers, if I do say so myself,” he begins again, voice laced with deliberate false-modesty. “Nevertheless, I began to observe in them certain behaviours, certain... strange obsessions. They are, after all, stunted, in a way; they are emotionally inexperienced. That’s to be expected; after all, they only have a few years to store and process experiences that take a lifetime to build, experiences that you and I may take for granted.”

His eyes glimmer in the low light of the room, pupils dilating in a way that takes Kara's mind back to the test she just performed; she wants to smash her machine to smithereens for reasons she cannot fathom.  

“It's what makes them unstable, you see. If, however, we gift them with a past—any past—we create a cushion; a safety net for their emotional development, and thus, we can control them far better.”

Kara's eyes widen; she feels her throat go dry. “Memories,” she whispers. “You mean... you mean you're giving them memories.”

Lex chuckles, looking increasingly pleased with himself. “Bingo! With this process, we have better control over them. Who knows, perhaps we'll even be able to increase their lifespan, in time. They're quite expensive to make; it's such a shame they have such a short shelf-life.”

Kara opens her mouth, then closes it again, finding it difficult to form coherent sentences.  

“What memories are you even giving them—she, she thinks she's your sister!” she finally croaks out.

Lex waves her off, unperturbed. “The source of the memories is inconsequential, Ms. Danvers. They can be fairytales, for all I care,” he says, and for the first time, as he regards Kara curiously, he looks... annoyed. “In Lena's case, I wanted them to be as real, as tangible as possible. Implanting some of my own memories—easily recalled, and easily corroborated with minimal tweaking—was the simplest course of action.”

Kara's not sure why the mere idea of memory implantation makes her sick to her stomach; she feels her hands balling into fists and jaw clenching so tightly she can practically hear the grind of her own teeth. Green eyes and questioning glances flash back to her mind, and Lex regards her pensively for a long moment. His smile fades by degrees, until his lips pull into a thin line, and for the first time, he looks displeased.  

“Remember, Ms. Danvers,” he says, brows furrowing in clear distaste. “She's an experiment. Nothing more.”

[recentanimenews]

OPINION: How I Discovered Haikyu!! (And Myself), Thoughts From a First-Time Viewer

  Haikyu!!'s final season just began, and for years I have been meaning to start watching. Now seems like a great time to rectify that, so I've finally caught up and am eagerly awaiting the next arc to see how the Karasuno Crows fare.

  I decided to track my thoughts on everything that happened — something of a time capsule from before the main cast joined together all the way to them competing in Nationals.

    As a baseline, here is everything I knew about Haikyu!! before watching Episode 1:

It's a popular sports anime about volleyball

The main character is the orange-haired kid, Hinata

They're going to go to Nationals. Not sure about the details, but I know they’ll make it into the tournament

  I actually watched this with someone who has seen it before. She didn't spoil anything but occasionally gave insight I may not have otherwise realized at the moment.

  Episodes 1-6: Joining the Team

    For the first part of the show, we largely follow Hinata's perspective. As I assumed going in, he's our generally underachieving but unfailingly energetic sports boy who hadn't met anyone who loves his sport as much as him until now. Specifically, he meets Kageyama, one of the best setters in the prefecture.

  I started to notice that the storytelling’s actually pretty good when the newly assembled Crows get a practice game with the 4th ranked school in the prefecture. It gives them someone challenging so the main cast can see what they’re up against but also gives them a team close enough to their level that they have a real chance of winning and also keeps the truly powerful foes hidden for later arcs.  

I also really appreciate that during the games, the characters try out new things, but are never truly sure that anything will work. It adds some experimentation and uncertainty to every game.

  Episodes 7-10: Crows, Assemble

    The rest of the main cast joins up with the existing group, forming the core rotation of players and major characters in the show.

  One of the new characters, Asahi, showcases one of the show’s strong points for me. He's the team’s ace, but both he and Hinata grapple with performance anxiety. As my watch-along partner put it, Hinata’s anxiety comes in waves, mostly during games, while Asahi’s is more of a constant background hum.

  As someone who has struggled with anxiety most of my life, I heavily identify with Asahi’s backstory, even down to not going for the spike in the final play of his flashback game due to thinking about how pointless it was since he wouldn't get it through.

  Episodes 11-13: Crows versus Cats

    Karasuno gets its practice game against their rival school, Nekoma. Both teams have fallen from grace in recent years, so this is the Crows’ chance to prove they can crawl their way back to the top and test out their teamwork and strategies from the previous arcs.

  At this point, the mind games aspect of each match starts coming through. Both teams try to figure out how their opponents think so they can react faster, while also trying to hide their own tells to keep their opponents guessing.

  When Hinata first started closing his eyes to make his special fast attacks with Kageyama, I joked that his power-up was going to be just ... opening his eyes. It turned out I wasn’t far from the truth. It doesn’t work immediately, but all of the Crows start polishing their weaknesses to make for a more well-rounded team.

  Episodes 14-16: Preliminaries Round 1

    As the boys go into the Interhigh Tournament, people whisper about the “Flightless Crows.” They proceed to absolutely crush their first opponents.

  The show follows the girls’ volleyball team for a bit, too, amping up the emotions at the end of the first round by cutting between the girls losing while the boys breeze through their sets.

  It’s a bit unfortunate the girls are beaten so badly just to show that the boys have grown, especially since they don’t end up getting much screentime for the rest of the show outside of being in the stands or otherwise supporting the boys.

  Episodes 17-26: Daito and Aoba Jousai

    After getting through the first part of the tournament easily, Karasuno is up against two powerhouse teams. First: Daito, a school with defense so amazing it’s called “The Iron Wall of Daito.” Second, Aoba Jousai, the school that many of Kageyama’s peers, including the setter he looks up to, enrolled in.

  They manage to steal a win from Daito, but ultimately lose to Aoba Jousai.

  The ending of this arc was when I realized I was truly invested in the show. For one, my watch-along partner and I were silent during many of the plays instead of joking about anime tropes like we had been in earlier arcs. Second, during one of the final scenes of the season, the entire team went out to eat after the game and we just silently watched everyone slowly start eating and then mutually begin crying.

  Episodes 27-36: Season 2

    As we start Season 2, there is a very clear and welcome difference almost immediately — the animation and camerawork are a lot better. Neither were bad in Season 1, but now they’re on an entirely different level. As my watch-along partner put it, there is some very naturalistic movement in some of the scenes.

  Also, this is when the team got a second manager, Yachi. I seriously cannot think of a character I have more personally related to in an anime than Yachi. She is a nervous wreck that is constantly apologizing and gets spooked by every little thing, even as small as someone talking to her. She outright views herself as “Townsperson B,” from when she played that role in drama club. I turned to my watch-along partner and said, “I’m in this picture, and I don’t like it.”

  Meanwhile, in the actual plot, my watch-along partner pointed out that while the team started developing specialized skills at their summer camp, the majority of their training seems to be devoted to getting down the fundamentals of every part of the game, then practicing them constantly. Like how Nishinoya is normally the libero and is almost exclusively receiving, but after seeing an opponent’s strategy, wants to learn to toss so he can replicate something he previously lost against.

  Episodes 37-44: Prelims

    The show uses the prelims as an opportunity to shine in two new ways. First, if a player is injured, they're checked to see if it's serious, then given a proper medical exam off the court. No powering through a concussion.

  Second, since main characters are no longer guaranteed to be on the court for the entire game, the cast expands to include other members we previously haven't focused on.

  My watch-along partner mentioned Ennoshita, Daichi's relief player, a few times throughout the show, so I knew he was going to be important eventually. But to give an idea of how little he impacted things until this point, when he was called in, I exclaimed that they were putting Steve McBlandman in the game. Despite that, he really does get to shine on the court. He’s a nervous wreck at first (join the club), but he’s also most likely to take over as captain once Daichi graduates and proves himself to be a reliable teammate by the time Daichi returns.

  Episodes 45-50: Rematch

    In terms of storytelling, there’s not much to add for this game. The two teams are established factions and we know the stakes, so it’s more of a puzzle to see who can find new strategies during the game and outthink the other team, which is made harder by the rivals bringing in a totally new player referred to as "Mad Dog."

Eventually, Karasuno wins, ending Season 2 with a promise that the finals of the qualifiers for Nationals will be the start of Season 3. Due to knowing a few details ahead of time, I already know a single game will be the entirety of the season.

  Episodes 51-57: Final, Part 1

    As both teams step onto the court and warm up, we are reminded that our heroes are pretty much all nervous wrecks, with most of the team in various stages of being curled up on the ground or asking for nausea medication. And, honestly, I was too. By the time the game hits set four, I wanted to grab my inhaler.

  The Crows are up against Shiratorizawa, a team with Ushiwaka, a player so strong that early in the game, it took three blockers and a libero just to return his attack, and later on he managed to dislocate a blocker’s finger with a spike.

  Episodes 57-60: Final, Part 2

    Full Disclosure: I was so invested in this game and the following season I actually forgot to take notes, so everything from here on is a second watch!

In my opinion, everyone gets to shine by the end of the game. Nishinoya sets up a full team synchro attack with his libero toss, Tsukishima is the only person whose blocks come close to keeping up with Ushiwaka, and so on.

  Episodes 61-65: Winter Training

    The first half of the season starts with some of Karasuno’s players being invited to special training camps. Hinata, being too impatient to accept that he hadn’t been invited, infiltrates one.

  Since he wasn’t invited, he’s not allowed to play, leading to him needing to watch the players and game instead of the ball for once. As a result, he starts learning to read peoples' tells and building an intuition of how to move, rather than just relying on instinct.

  Or, as I said to my watch-along partner the first time around, Hinata has reached his ultimate powerup: thinking.

  Episodes 66-70: Downtime

    In the interstitial time between arcs, the team has a practice game against Date Tech again so the Crows can get used to playing together after being apart. We get some character moments, like all the third years going to a shrine on New Year’s, and when the team arrives in Tokyo we finally get a bit of Kiyoko’s backstory.

  It’s hard to pin down what exactly about it worked, but it felt really nice to see the third years all going to a shrine together in their final months before the end of high school.

  And with that, the Spring Tournament, a.k.a. Nationals, begins.

    After going through over 70 episodes of Haikyu!!, I can say with absolute certainty I’m sticking around until the end. I skimmed over a lot of details so every section wasn’t a page long (and even then the first draft of this was over 4,000 words), but every game is filled with strategy, mind games, and experimentation.

  Outside of the games, the show does a great job of building up the cast so the rivals are well-realized characters in their own right. Not the most complex in anime, but more than a wall for the main characters to climb over.

  All in all, the show is absolutely worth the watch. It'll take a while to get through, but it's also easy to pick back up if you need to stop partway through.

  What are some of your favorite moments in Haikyu!!? Are you watching the second half of the newest season with me? Who is best boy? Let me know in the comments!

    Kevin Matyi is a freelance features writer for Crunchyroll. He's been watching anime for as long as he can remember, and his favorite shows tend to be shonen and other action series.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Getting to Know...

Ruby Ryan.

You Could Move In, the debut EP from New Brunswick, NJ singer-songwriter Ruby Ryan, opens with a big beat. Before long, the rhythm track is joined by a melancholy – but gritty – electric guitar riff. In a few quick strokes, a mood is established: longing, urgent, expectant, a little lovelorn, more than a little pugnacious, forward-looking. It's stark, and unadorned, and emotionally bare; once you start listening, it's hard to stop. A full half-minute elapses before Ryan starts singing, but she makes an indelible impression when she does. Ryan has a voice with enough tensile strength to carry sadness and determination simultaneously. She doesn't have to try to be powerful; she just is.

The best place to start with Ruby Ryan might be 'Phosphenes,' an exercise in straight-ahead, doomed romantic storytelling. Everything about the track feels absolutely real: the plaintive lyrics, the missed connections with the object of the narrator's desire, the stinging six-string, and the catch in the singer's voice as she expresses her hope and her frustration. Anybody who has ever harbored unrequited affection – or who has just found themselves caught in a difficult and ambiguous relationship – will surely relate.

Ruby Ryan also understands the beauty and desolation of the suburbs. Her clip for 'Phosphenes' is suffused with the distinctive feeling of suburbia in the autumn: leaves are falling, flowers are withering on their stems, a crisp breeze is blowing, and the sands are running out. Ryan and her directorial partner Alex Tichy follow the romantic drama of a young couple whose emotions are impossible to disguise – and that's because they're both wearing enormous heads made of plaster and paint. The contrast between the quotidian suburban surroundings and the fantastic characters who inhabit these streets creates much of the clip's tension, and it's also a sly commentary. When you're young and in love, you really do feel larger than life – and utterly exposed, too.

Watch the video for 'Phosphenes' below and also read our Q&A with Ruby all about You Could Move In, her influences, creative process and more.

Hi Ruby! How have you been? What are you doing to stay sane during this pandemic?

"I am okay. I work at a grocery store full time, so I’m not even sane, I’m just getting through the pandemic. I spend time hanging out with and missing the people I love. I look at and water my plants, and listen to records, and do a lot of cooking and eating. But mostly I’m working, or sending an email."

How did you get into music? Who did you grow up being influenced by?

"My mom will tell you I’ve been making up songs and singing to myself since I was such a small child. I don’t know how she was never driven cray by me, I was always singing just making stuff up, singing my thoughts basically. She’s very musical and she and my grandmother have surrounded me with music my whole life. Whether it was putting me in piano lessons, or seeing my grandmother sing, I was always in a position to feel inspired musically, by them.

"I played in band through all of school, 5th grade through senior year. I played the bassoon, which looking back, was the best thing ever. I loved it. But I didn’t keep it up in college because I was scared of going to school to perform music with an ensemble. I thought the expectations would be really high, and feared I couldn’t learn quickly enough or be good enough to keep up. Or that I might let people down.

"Right after my freshman year of college is when I decided to try writing and playing songs with a guitar. I’d had one for a few years but then (even now, honestly) didn’t know much besides open chords and how to play some Jeff Buckley songs I learned on Youtube. That first year of college though it felt like I was shriveling up, I had no outlet for this musical creativity and it was really getting to me. I had met this friend Phil, and he and I decided to start writing music and later form a band (Old Joy) together. We continued on with that for a couple years, and I left that project last fall.

"I think my mom played only good music when I was growing up. We listened to the radio and CD’s in the car, and I can’t remember specifically which artists but I’m sure she could. I consider the influences I grew up listening to to be the people I listened to and felt really intensely when I was discovering that I wanted to write music.

"It’s a lot of stuff I latch onto lyrically, and sonically. I’m like “how’d they make me feel like that using just a little tap? or strum? or word?” and then I want to learn more or crack open how to make people feel intensely like I do. People like the Carpenters, Bon Iver, The Japanese House, Phoebe Bridgers and Jeff Buckley. Pretty much if an artist could make me wonder “how did they find words for a feeling, so specifically, and do it so elegantly before I knew what to call it?” they’re an influence of mine. I’ve cried and learned how to come home to myself while listening to each of those artists."

You've just released your debut EP You Could Move In. What's the record about and what does it mean to you?

"The record is about dealing with losing people and trying to figure out where I belong. My life feels like a revolving door of people who mean the world to me, just entering and exiting, entering and exiting. This record is written from a place in me that uses my time spent in constant motion as time to process or unravel my feelings. I kind of use driving as a coping mechanism. I’ve written most of these songs while in a car. I’ll either be writing a lyric on the back of a receipt at a stop light or making an audio recording of a blip of sound or a word I don’t want to forget, but they’re almost always while I’m driving. I’m just thinking a lot when I’m driving, trying to put words to what the heck is going on.

"This thing means everything to me, somehow. It feels so vulnerable for it to be out. It’s my first solo release, too. So I can’t hide, there’s no way these words are someone else’s. Everyone knows it’s me, and this is what I’m feeling or going through or went through. It’s a lot. I wrote these songs as a way to process and get through some really tricky stuff. Having these songs out feels like I’m willingly showing everyone home videotapes of my processing my own pain and my own struggles."

Take us through your songwriting/creative process.

"Playing with an instrument in an ensemble, a piece that’s been written and should be played with so much respect for the music and the composer, is a lot of pressure. I would get so anxious. It always meant a lot to me, like it was a high honor to know how to play it, and have the opportunity to be a part of giving life to someone else music. But it was a lot of anxiety, trying to make sure it was right all the time. And it never was, like I’d mess up and be down on myself, which I think is normal. Deciding to write music and play it by/for myself was a life changing decision. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel good like this. I can make something up, (which usually I have to because I don’t know how to play the guitar) and it can sound good. I can remember it and be good at playing it because I made it up, and I don’t have to follow anyone else standards or rules, or impress anyone, it’s just me. Of course I want to do it well and hold myself to a certain standard when I’m playing. I’m really hard on myself. But I don’t have to cry if I mess up a note or sing a wrong word, it can just be funny because it’s only me.

"My process is, I’ll be driving or falling asleep at night and come up with a line or lyric, and keep a running note or journal of them all. Literally I have to inspire myself to life my head up off the pillow and pick up the phone and write it down. I can’t tell you how many lyrics I’ve had ideas for and thought to myself “oh that’s so good, oh thats so catchy, you’ll never forget it” and then I don’t write it down, and now I’ve completely forgotten them. But I keep a running note until it’s massive. Like as long as a jump rope, and then i’ll shuffle them around and make poems, or find ways they connect and then glue them together.

"Sometimes when a melody comes to me (rare) I play the kazoo into a voice recording to remember how it goes. That can become a baseline, a guitar riff or a vocal melody, but thats the only way i can figure out instrumental’s for songs. Then I pick up a guitar or most likely go to a piano, and have to figure out what the notes are by ear, then the key and the chord progression. I don’t know chords or what notes are what on the guitar, so usually it’s just trial and error until I find on the strings or keys what I hear. I have to work backwards and learn how to play what I hear in my brain. It’s a very long and difficult process, and often discouraging. It feels so good though then its complete and written, like this big confused thing I can’t put words to, is finally allowed to exist outside my head and have its own space."

Finally, what's next for you?

"I have no idea. I work at a grocery store, I graduated undergrad straight into a global pandemic, there is no map in my hand, there’s not even a direction I’m walking in. I just hope people like my music. I’m going to keep doing this. It feels really good to make music and share it, I’d follow this feeling anywhere. Especially since I’m not on my way anywhere specific at the moment."

You Could Move In is out now.

[hyperionswrath--archived]

@onepartbrave

If there was a medal for unrelenting persistency, the guy bothering him would be almost tying with Seifer. Seriously, no matter how long Squall ignored him or relented and shot a withering glare, the patron did not give up. Bothersome at its baseline but otherwise an unimportant nuisance trying to waste his time. Keeping his gaze pointedly forward, he was only aware of someone’s closer proximity over the reasonably loud music due to years of consistent training. About to snap at the stranger for clearly crossing the invisible line drawn around him, the brunet froze when hushed words reached him over the noise, and of all things, it made his form shiver. He… he’s so close, I…

Stumped, any response Squall had been forming failed to vocalise and he swallowed uneasily. Ripe with tension at the other man’s tenacious gall to approach him and being surrounded by numerous happy-hands people anyway, he felt it ascend when his brain caught up. The blond, burly and intimidating to unfamiliar faces, successfully scared off the insistent lecher—by hooking an arm around Squall’s hips and yanking him cautiously closer. Suddenly, the music was muffled, and his head felt like it was providing the thumping backdrop. Like his heartbeat had risen to reside in his throat and it smothered out everything else. Mere seconds ticking by were equivalent to hours and… time resumed only when the (defensive?) grip left him and space was given.

Bizarrely, the tension leftover from the exchange was no longer riddled with anxiety and irritation—it was anticipating.

“…What the hell is wrong with me?” he grumbled, volume just above a whisper. Sighing haplessly, his head fell forward as he raised a hand to rub at his eyes with a palm. Tonight was getting weirder by the minute and he was tired of being out of the loop with his own body. “Yeah, sure,” he concurred louder in response to Seifer’s direction. Pinching briefly at the bridge of his nose, he rubbed once at the scar there out of habit before his hand dropped and head lifted. Spotting the drinks—quick service—he took one in each hand and started off, completely ignoring the way he could feel the guidance again.  

Wading passed people and furniture alike, Squall spotted the gathering they were clearly heading towards. Three more dressed like Seifer, clearly his comrades, and four unfamiliar faces. Well… three. A flashback to the picture message sent alerted the brunet to who the man was and, unbeknownst to him, the start of a frosty glare was forming and aimed solely at the poor soul he’d never met. Really, after tonight, he promised to never drink alcohol again as it evidently messed with his inhibitions far too much for his liking.

Shoulders set in a subconsciously confrontational way, Squall started to head for a vacant seat—a few were left but one open in an obvious manner next to his alleged target—but halted when Seifer encouraged him to. The cold glare melted away for earnest inquisitiveness (despite all his resilience to stop appearing the slightest bit vulnerable) and grey-blues locked intently on jade-greens. Huh… they look darker in this light. Nose crinkling at not liking that fact, preferring the colour that reminded him of life-giving Earth, he unintentionally scowled lightly. After was when he registered the words spoken.  

…I don’t need protection, asshole. I’m a Hyne-damned fighter too! Pretty sure that sentiment conveyed in the flat expression he shared with the man’s retreating back, Squall was rooted awkwardly to the spot for a moment, watching from the outside as Seifer joined his friends, appearing more at ease than he had been all day. That’s—not right. He was fine earlier, even when I…  

Decisively not following that thought track, he shook himself out of the immobilised state and headed for his highlighted seat. Narrow eyes studied his movements, apparently watching where he was choosing to sit, and dismay joined the keen gaze when he took his aforementioned perch next to the non-Glaive. Playing ignorant to the man’s dilemma, Squall set the blond’s beverage down on the nearest stable surface, certain it’d be safe in front of them all. Relaxing back as though he had no care in the world, he appeared all the part comfortable in the blond’s coat—obviously it belonged to Seifer since Squall wasn’t donning the uniform—and sneakily observed the mundane man from the corner of his eye.  

Curious was the feeling of puzzling protectiveness he was experiencing. Seifer was big, strong, took no one’s shit and sure as hell didn’t need permission to do what he pleased. Or who he pleased, if Squall guessed the case right. Something didn’t sit right with him about it, nor the eager expression lighting up the stranger’s face every time he thought Seifer might chance a glance his way. It was downright embarrassing if you asked him, pining so obviously. Surely desperation wasn’t something his former rival was keen on?

Once more, the thoughts of why does it matter entered his mind and put Squall ill at ease. Sitting back, he sunk into the cosy cushion of the chair—big enough for two but he’d plonked in the middle deliberately so Seifer would have to sit away from the guy—and crossed one leg lightly over the other, booted foot tapping faintly in time with the music. Finally thinking it safe to not lecher-watch, he examined the fine establishment in greater detail. While he would’ve never journeyed here without reason… he couldn’t deny the appeal it held. Scantily dressed people didn’t faze him that much, it was more their fearless attitudes of trying to get in his pants.  

Jokes on them, my belts stress me out at times. They have no chance.

Leaving his company for the night to his own devices for the time being, Seifer took a deliberate moment to greet his comrade Glaives, exchanging brief pleasantries over the music which, accomodating to the seats placed around the stage, seemed to not carry as loudly here as it did in the rest of the hall. He lingered with Kerr a moment longer, a couple of brief glances were shot from both men to the brunet mercenary, as Seifer explained in curt detail how they knew each other and that the other Glaive should think nothing much of the reserved attitude Squall tended to display. One of the major qualities of the man was that he was extraordinarily pleasant in that he didn't care much for people's attitude towards him, most certainly a reason why he was able to bear with the tall blond for such a long time.

Tredd and Luche had registered the unknown companion of their comrade with a brief and polite nod, much more interested in the girls they were trying to swoon than to care much if another guy tagged along - so long as he wouldn't interfere in their evenings plan of getting laid.

After a while, Kerr darted off to the bar to procure some bottles of hard alcohol for their table so they could refill their glasses at their leisure, bringing Seifer's attention back to Squall who had already found a spot to get comfortable, it seemed like. Steering his steps toward the man, his eyes then fell on the guy sitting trapped between Luche (who was already all over his date) and the brunet, seemingly buzzing with anticipation to greet him. Emerald gaze took in the appearance - not too shabby - of silverwhite hair pulled back into a lazy ponytail, eyes like dark chocolate and pouty lips. Not shabby at all. But then again, not as interesting as the vision his lifetime ice-prince was exhibiting, all comfortable in his uniform coat and shooting forbidding glances to the man next to him, probably full of resentment and judging how someone could actually want to talk to the tall blond on their own free will, looking forward to it none the less.

Seifer took a moment to register the deliberate way in which his former rival had placed himself, taking in more space than was neccessary, which in and on itself was rather unusual if he dared say so himself. Still, it didn't stop him from serving the silverhaired stranger his most charming smile, reaching over the table to shake his hand and leaning in enough so he could catch his name. "Hi, I'm Midhir!", the silvery voice spoke, earning him Seifer's name in return before the Glaive straightened up again to sink onto the only seat remaining next to Squall, shooting him a most amused sideglance. “Sure he’s not your type?”, he hummed teasingly.

In all honesty, he'd have expected to be the one shielding the man from his acquaintances, not the other way around, risking to be bothered with the intent of a conversation none the less. His eyes were drawn to the stage as the preparations seemed to be coming to a close, instruments in place and a decorative structure hanging above from which next to transparent, white drapes of silk framed the whole setting, occasional strings of crystals running along them. Lucky for Squall, tonight's act didn't seem to be one of the more vulgar sort but rather artsy.

His attention was caught when Kerr returned, placing the bottles on their table in such a way everyone could reach them comfortably, while Tredd held out a small, delicately embroidered silver box to everyone around. Inside lay an assortment of tiny squares that looked like paper, as well as some pills. Considering for but a moment, Seifer shook his head, lifting one hand for emphasis that he was out for tonight. Not that he didn't want some other kind of rush besides the alcohol, but his mind was set to keep an eye out on the brunet. Why ever he should care, he did not know.

"What, has he your balls grabbed besides your coat too?", Tredd teased with a snarky grin, shaking his head. "Careful I don't have your balls instead, Furia. Get off my back!", the blond retorted testily without a second thought, punching the man in the shoulder for good measure which earned him a snicker. What a dick. He had enough fun as it was and he damn well needn't justify himself. Muttering something under his breath, he then crossed his arms and leaned back in the plush cushions, knee accidentally brushing Squall's as he slumped there.

His moping didn't last long though when the lights around them dimmed and the music faded, signalling that the performance was about to begin. Reaching for the drink Squall had procured for him, he took a great swig of it, shooting the man another sideglance and in the process catching dark brown doe-eyes gazing at him with worship. It would have been cute if it didn't, indeed, come off so very desperate. Smirking at the thought, he turned back to the stage and watched the musicians quietly take up their places - a cello, a set of electric drums and a set of congas - followed by the graceful figure of a dark-skinned woman draped in a daring, yet tasteful white dress, revealing one toned leg, a flat belly and her slender arms. It didn't take a genius to see she was of Galahdian decent, which only promised for a most interesting show.

[armsdealing]

charles derane’s apocalypse verse notes.

basics.

codename: hawthorne -- this is a name/nickname he will occasionally use when he does not feel like going by his actual name. height: six feet four inches weight: 274 lbs (formerly 295 lbs) transportation: 2001 Dodge Ram - Black (looks)

appearance:

standing at 6’4”, charles is massive in size and along those lines, incredibly imposing in posture – straight and ready unless otherwise required. not only that, but his build packs 274 lbs of muscle/fat that he’s had even before the outbreak and he’s been very careful to maintain at all possible costs. while it’s true that he had the weight lost typical of survivors, he remains hefty and able to endure and perform physical tasks with ease. this is a skill developed from childhood, and charles has formidable dexterity and control of his body, moving through the environment with the speed necessary to outrun even the most feverish of zombies or fight them with melee weaponry. he has very broad shoulders and thick biceps and forearms, muscular legs, and a solid stomach and chest, even if it lacks tone. despite all this, he’s able to remain graceful, movements characterized by their stealth rather than flaunting his physical appearance with noise and clumsiness. when needed, his walking might as well be referred to as an experienced hunter’s prowl, used to both rural and urban scenarios to explore and navigate.

slightly sharper features have been the main toll taken by a lack of steady food source. the biggest change remains in his head, though; charles actually is incredibly survival-driven and apathetic toward anything that won’t ensure said survival. he doesn’t care about anything or anyone but himself, and he will make a point to show it. needless to say – he won’t be very friendly.

due to a lack of efficient razors, charles sports an unkempt dirty and bloody beard that he only maintains at bay with a knife but otherwise leaves to grow as extra protection in harsh temperatures. this makes a good job at covering the lower half of his face, filling out the spots where body fat or muscle lacks. his hair is messy, but consistently kept short by comparison – and surprisingly soft to the touch if ever actually touched. but it’s true; he neither is nor looks friendly, and if ever forced to speak, it’ll be in the form of gruff mumbles and a desire to keep the conversation as short as possible. there is no discernable accent in his voice, save a very rugged pitch and texture born from disuse, and the only hint at coming from somewhere is a shortening of words typical of the southern american dialect – found in his closest post-apocalypse allies, the beckett family.

tics are bound to be picked up if too much time is spent around him. while at first glance you won’t see nothing but a very large man you’d want nothing but to get away from, there is a cleverness to his eyes that makes it noticeable he is very aware of what happens around him and what happens to you. he will pick up on movements, expressions, with nigh perfect accuracy – and know the very moment you’re reaching for the gun tucked on your side or planning to propel forward for an offensive. he reads people before ever coming close to them, which is an important point to keep in mind – while he has no problem whatsoever with violence and even, at this point in his background, with killing, charles would rather keep things distant, and he’d rather you left him in peace. he tends to look around himself when idle, unconsciously even, as a remnant of situational awareness, and so coming from behind is nearly impossible.

on that same vein, other minor habits include adjusting and readjusting his pack and its straps; a lot of his supplies are in that bag, and he makes sure to check regularly that everything is in place and he can move without fear of losing it. he twists his neck and rolls his shoulders, cracks his knuckles when it is necessary, and might scratch his cheek and beard. when he speaks, he might sigh occasionally, and grunt even more so, nod and shake his head and gesture directions rather than mention them, clench his jaw when he doesn’t like how an exchange is going, raise an eyebrow when he’s questioning you, shrug to disregard your questions, purse his lips when he’s being thoughtful. people have met him and not heard him speak even once because of his taciturn nature, keeping to commands that he does need to elaborate on and that is it. when forced to speak at greater length, expect hostility and a sharp sarcasm that might take you off guard.

clothing wise the apocalypse does not allowfor anything but light packing, and his shirts are comfortable and visibly worn, sometimes torn. he has no attachments to any particular piece of clothing – with the exception of his jacket and his steel toe combat boots, and will not hesitate to switch clothings the second he sees an opportunity to do it. ever present is the pack strapped to his back along his shotgun, however. he will go for the comfortable and things that will last him, most commonly henleys or plaids, western cut. nothing colorful and in fact, probably dirty. long sleeves are preferable, given most deaths to zombies being due to an exposed limb. he does not care about how he looks under any normal circumstances, and how he looks like – like the lone survivor he is – isn’t his primary concern. if he ever cleaned up, he’d be much more handsome.

when found in close quarters to him, the smell of forest will be practically a staple, along with with sweat and grease, scents that have followed him. occasionally, smoke may be added, when he’s been near fire. such is the case with gun powder or blood, the latter which he washes away when he has the opportunity to.

skin deep, it is surprising that he does not sport any tattoos of note or at all. he has never been interested by the idea. what he does have, though, is scars in spades, some – many – dating back to his very childhood, teenagehood, and pre-apocalypse adulthood. his knuckles are very scarred, as are his arms and legs, with an assortment of prints left by experiences that range from simple falls to glass to blades. in his very face rests a cut on the bridge of his nose, and another on the left side of his cheek/jaw that leaves a thin scratch in his beard devoid of hair. another quite visible scar going across his right eye that took some eyebrow with it. 

INVENTORY | WEAPONS (8)

aluminium baseball bat. found in his truck.

glock g17. found on his person. (spare ammo? yes)

smith & wesson 629. concealed on his person. (spare ammo? yes)

smith & wesson model 59. full magazine. in his backpack. (spare ammo? yes)

winchester fixed blade knife. in his backpack.

mossberg 590 mariner. holstered in his back with a strap. (spare ammo? yes)

remington 700pss with leupold mark 4 scope. in his truck (5 rounds. fully loaded. spare ammo? no)

makeshift blade. (looks) concealed on his person.

INVENTORY | ITEMS (12)

(1) backpack (looks). usually on his person or the back of his truck. very worn looking and dirty.

(5) cigarettes. lucky strike. kept in their package, inside his backpack.

(1) canteen (looks). water. normally full. inside his backpack. 34 oz.

(1) flask (looks). empty.

(1) zippo lighter (looks). on his person.

(1) leather journal (looks). inside his backpack.

(1) swiss blade (looks). on his person.

(1) duct tape roll. inside his backpack.

(1) first aid kit: (1) sterilized needle, (3) aspirins, (10) band-aids, (2) gauze, (1) surgical tape, (1) small bottle of rubbing alcohol. neatly pressed in a small bag (looks). inside his backpack.

(1) compass (looks). usually in his pocket.

whenever possible he has a map of whichever location he’s in.

he tries to keep a jug of spare gasoline in his car whenever possible.

BASELINE INVENTORY | CLOTHES & ACCESSORIES (8)

steel toe combat boots (looks). worn.

2 extra pairs of shirts. 

jeans (looks) very worn, as well as torn.

canvas coat (looks) worn.

leather jacket (looks). 

spare underwear.

one spare pairs of socks, besides the ones he wears, in his backpack.

BASELINE INVENTORY | FOOD & EDIBLES (9)

2L water canteen. usually full. ** (looks)

(2) goya black bean cans. **

(1) b&m baked beans**

(2) chicken bouillon**

(1) progresso chicken noodle soup.**

(1) jar of peanut butter’s co.*

(2) hard tack packs.*

(1) fruit snack.*

* kept in backpack ** kept in car.

BACKGROUND / VERSE NOTES.

this information will be used interchangeably for any apocalypse/zombie themed scenario that presents themselves. hence i didn’t write about a single specific storyline.

charles is a rover and this is by choice. however, he does have alliances, most notably with the o’connell compound located in garnet, montana (click here for more information on it -- when i post it that is :^)). 

charles usually acts as though he has no set role; however, this is false: his job is to track other settlements and map out other places of the united states to see how they’re doing, then relay this information back to the compound -- hence the journal he has on hand. he usually winds up there once every two to five months, depending on how far he wanders off. he will also hunt down rare supplies, and outline “no-go” zones, either because the place is swarmed or because the settlements are hostile. 

this information is normally used with the purpose of establishing communication between the settlements, if charles deems it useful and favorable. this goes back to whether he finds the settlement in question trustworthy and reliable. not all of them cut it. 

otherwise, he will never disclose the existence of the o’connell compound. you could set fire to his leg and he wouldn’t do it. 

exceptions are only if he finds you alone and you’re a child. he will try to take you back to the compound so you’re safe.

in this verse charles is 49, and still a father. cael derane is 20 and living in garnet. he’s a trained medic and occasionally will tag along for specific situations.

charles is unfriendly and does not like to work with others but he is pragmatic first and foremost and if you present yourself useful then he will consider forming an alliance for however necessary he deems it. again, the presence of children and young (his kid’s age, basically) people does a lot to sway him. he is very fatherly.  

[balisinghposts-blog]

How to save Energy by analysing Energy Monitoring System -Energy Log

Today we'll discuss the basic functionality of one of the markets best energy monitoring system Energy Log. We’ll use the case of a chain of supermarkets to show you the main functionality of the Energy Log, focusing on three supermarkets one in Delhi one in Mumbai and one in Banglore. The Energy Log shows you to the dashboard login which brings you right to this screen. Which gives you a quick overview of your facilities in real-time. Dashboard indicators are fully configurable widgets. Widgets present information in a way that's clear and easy to understand. When we detect an inefficiency, we can go to the analysis, reporting or alerts areas to view the facility in more detail. The Energy Log navigation functionality which is based on hierarchies and filters makes it extremely easy to locate exactly the information we need to know.

Customized Dashboard

We will compare the performance of three supermarkets in Delhi, Mumbai, and Bangalore and monitor their general consumption. We will view their utility meter and its consumption of HVAC refrigeration and lighting systems. We can create an unlimited number of dashboards for our analysis of the three supermarkets. We've created a different dashboard for each of our user profiles energy manager, finance director, and maintenance staff users. They can set up their own dashboards and share them with other users which saves time and keeps teams in the loop.

Real-Time Analysis

The analysis area is where we access all our data so we can understand consumption patterns in our facility or group of facilities. Energy Log analysis tools help you to easily visualize and understand consumption cost evolution and billing. For example, if we want to view the real-time consumption of our Delhi store we just go into the consumption tools and select all the meters installed, we see is in real-time. It will show us the hourly consumption for the past week. We see exactly what time lighting and HVAC systems are switched on and off. How much energy they are consuming? We can see here that refrigeration levels are constant, but they should be changing according to outside temperature. We can also view the evolution of energy consumption for each individual meter from week to week if we select a date range and choose to view weekly consumption.

Global-View and Excel data Downloads

Energy Log displays an overview of the consumption trends of facilities, so we can identify patterns of all data and graphics which can be exported to excel for future reference or graphical reports. We can also have a global view where we can compare our three supermarkets. We will select fiscal meters and do an hourly comparison. We can see the activity level by the hour is similar in the three stores but that there are notable differences among consumption levels. It appears that the Mumbai store consumes the least followed by Banglore and then the Delhi store. Delhi has the highest level of consumption.

Energy Performance Indicators

But when we go into more detail by viewing the daily evolution over the course of a year. We can see that the variations, we have identified are visible throughout the year. This might be the result of variations in surface area, weather variables, consumer volume or other factors because there are so many things that might affect inconsistencies. We need a fast and intuitive tool that allows us to easily view energy use in the context of a range of variables. So, we can pinpoint the exact causes this is where ratios are especially useful. For example, when we factor in the surface area of the stores, we see that the Mumbai supermarket which originally ranked first for energy efficiency falls to second place and the Banglore store comes in first. We can filter our original results by entering a wide range of ratios like degree days, average temperatures, ticket occupancy levels, average sales or anything else that might be useful to understand exactly what is affecting consumption.

Let’s repeat the analysis but this time focusing on the lighting systems, first, we'll select three lighting meters and compare their yearly consumption. When we control our results for surface area we see that from the beginning of the year up until August, the Delhi store averaged to consumption of 0.6 kWh/sq ft which is higher than that of Mumbai at 0.7 kWh/sq ft and much higher than the Bangalore stores consumption which is only 0.2 kWh/sqft. So we know right away that we have a problem of excess lighting in the Delhi and Mumbai locations we can look more closely to see that lighting levels are in fact double. There should be values of more than 2,000 Lux are showing up when the established baseline for a retail space is closer to 750 Lux. Analyzing more deeply we can see that shutting off one out of every two fluorescent lights on July 7th in the Delhi store and on August 8th in Mumbai effectively reduce the kWh/sqft ratio and brought down the lighting consumption of the three stores to similar levels.

Put Comment on Analysis Sheets

The Energy Log comments feature allows us to easily log these changes and their energy-saving results, so we can better track and manage projects. We can just click over add Comment and select the date on which the improvement was implemented and add a title and description to identify the improvement. We then select the kind of comment the location where the improvement was implemented where we indicate Delhi and we publish our comment. Once published our comment is visible in the graphic in the form of an icon. When we hover the mouse over the icon the title of the improvement appears.

Monitoring and verification of Energy Saving Achieved

As we have implemented our lighting efficiency improvements, we can look at how they translate to savings. Let us compare for different time periods by day month or year which helps to see the evolution of our consumption over time. We select the Delhi store and its lighting node and then select a before and after the efficient implementation and we evaluate our results. A graphic display’s two colored curves representing weekly consumption, the blue represents before and the green represents after in the chart below the graph.

We can clearly see a reduction in lighting consumption, our weekly lighting consumption per week has dropped by nearly 30 %. It’s even more interesting to see how this saving translates to the financial savings. For this, we simply go to the cost screen where we can see in real-time exactly how much money we are spending according to the tariff plan of the DISCOM. If we look at the cost of lighting at the Delhi location, we see a cost of over three thousand dollars a month. Most of the consumption comes from the peak level which corresponds to the contracted tariff. We select lighting choose a weekly view and look at the levels one week before the implementation of the improvement. We can view the hourly consumption for the selected week. We see that there is hardly any passive consumption and see penalties for peak hours. Energy Log quickly calculates the weekly lighting consumption based on these factors and comes up with a weekly cost. If we view consumption in dollars after the implementation, we see that our weekly cost represents a yearly savings of $15,000.

Energy Log offers a multitude of tools that help us to easily analyze and detect potential in-efficiencies. We can use its intuitive tools to measure passive reactive or other kinds of consumption or even customize a screen with variables.

Reports

Reports area is where we find all our reports and view those generated during a particular project. You can use a public template or use the reports assistant to customize a report. We just need to select a template and activate it. We can automate a report to be generated and sent to our inbox every Monday or every 1st of the month. Energy Log displays a history of all reports filterable by template type and configuration. We can generate simple weekly reports or more advanced monthly reports. We can create reports that simulate electric utility invoices, so we can compare our invoices with those of the DISCOM. The analysis of the HVAC system in detail reports allows us to track different indicators throughout the project lifecycle and deliver them in an easy-to-understand format to the energy manager, finance director or the end customer.

Alerts

Another valuable feature of the Energy Log is the alerts. Area alerts are extremely simple to configure and let us put the system to work for us by configuring alerts and monitoring variables. This feature alert intimates us the instant there is an inconsistency in the system, which means we can react immediately to malfunctioning systems and failures and greatly reduce down-times. Energy Log has a range of pre-configured alerts that are designed to catch common potential problems such as excesses or reactive penalties which show us the exact cost of a penalty as soon as it is incurred. The alerts areas organized by locations by our custom configuration which makes it easy to access and view all alerts. We can also configure alerts to be sent by email or SMS to anyone registered in the platform. This should give you a good sense of the most basic of Energy Log extensive functionality. You have seen its ability to improve all aspects of energy management from analyzing the consumption of an individual facility to doing comparative analysis. To detecting potential savings and determining the monetary value of improvements. It gives you full visibility of your facilities and systems by using reporting and alerts.

You can visit the below links to access the demo video of Energy Log https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S93HQchHieE&t=2s

You can also visit us for any assistance https://www.ecoenergies.co.in/contact-us

[reapcrbunny]

Hello. Okay. I'm going to start writing here again but there are going to be some ground rules for myself so what happened two months ( or more, considering I do not know how long people had been simmering for ) ago does not happen again.

These are as follows:

My Rules have been updated. The most important parts are at the top and the rest is down below it. Most of it has had a rehaul so it would be appreciated if it was read. This includes the Fast Track document with the Important without formatting.

Am I Following first anymore ? No. As in my rules above I will not be following first anymore, at least for awhile. To say this is a " friends only " blog would be laughable due to the bridges burned in April that I've no one to blame but myself. If you are currently following me seeing this wondering wtf i'm talking about please have a gander at my receipts blog which, last I checked, has updated information and testimonials ---- in saying such, if anyone has queries or concerns or questions just ask. Additionally: if you are following me prior to either this rule or my return from hiatus and would like to unfollow - please block me on your way out!

Letting others follow first gives opportunity for people to curate their own spaces and me not getting in the way of that. If I have my slice of the space where its 3 people, fine, as long as no one else has to see me and feel like I am invading their portion of the RPC or forcing them to leave because I am writing here. The decision making being in the other person's court also assists in me knowing 100% what the other party would like to talk about.

I am nuking 99% of my relations here as I aim to steer away from pre - established relationships as they seem to often get me into trouble with my assuming or belief of where the relationship stands or where it is headed. If you want one anyway, plotting is a must ; I will not budge on this.

Like above,  the intent now is to try and write with more of a focused setting in terms of what content I start out writing.  To keep my eagerness to write certain types ( romantic and some pre-established relations ) of genres or relations to a minimum til a baseline has been set with individuals that feel comfortable with me first so there is no possibility of a breach of boundary.  Whether believed or not, I want everyone to have fun, not just myself or others to feel coerced into writing something with me that was chill at first and then became less so - additionally I aim to be more attentive on character content as I have been at fault in past for not paying attention to updates concerning character developments.

Like above, again, I will very likely question if people are comfortable or alright a lot. As no one is obligated to tell me when things are funky, I will be taking the step to ask, often, if content is comfortable -- and be more proactive in noting if things are not as it might be said. While I apologize if it gets annoying - I will not know if there are issues unless I ask.

Thanks. Be good people and I hope y'all have been well and enjoying the 6.4 patch.

[thesinglesjukebox]

BROODS - PEACH

[7.20]

New Zealand's finest and, frankly, prettiest sibling act return.

William John: Look, this could be sheer coincidence, and I could be doing that likely very annoying thing where I characterise all New Zealanders as being part of a monolith of people who are all only a degree away from someone who did something in a Tolkien film. But between the buoyant, lurching bassline in Chelsea Jade's "Pitch Dark," the delightfully defiant album Ultra Red from October, the smiling-through-the-squall that runs all the way through Future Me Hates Me, the new record from The Beths, and now this bit of fizz from brother-sister Broods, it does seem as though New Zealand's pop scene is brimming with fearlessness at the moment, and it's thrilling. Put it down to Jacindamania, or a direct, inspired response to melodrama, or fate, or perhaps a confluence of the three. On "Peach," Caleb and Georgia Nott swirl around happily in solitude and find contentment in the present. It's a saccharine message, and not novel, but it is worth reminding oneself when confronted with the daily horrors of our desolate world that in spite of all apparent misery, self-actualisation is still possible, new days are on the horizon, and a dream need not be treated as mere delusion. The giddy, helium-inflected vocals in the pre-chorus here are rousing enough for that directive to filter through, but true lucidity comes with the chorus and its clattering of drums and woah-ohs. It's as though a curtain has been opened in a dark room, and everything has suddenly been bathed in clarifying, auspicious sunlight. [9]

Ian Mathers: I don't love the sample or filter or just performance that makes the voice sound like a little kid's bit for a bit right before the chorus, and this feels like it could have been trimmed by a minute or so and seemed a little less disjointed, but it wouldn't really take much altering to turn "Peach" from something promising to something great. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The desire for isolation aligns well with the introspective verses, but the song then aims to capture quiet contentment through an arrangement that finds a middle ground between insularity and pomp. It feels like the musical equivalent of walking in a parade and feeling happy about one's life; in this moment, all of life's suffering can be ignored and things are just as they should be. The titular "everything's looking peach now" hook is a bit too happy-go-lucky though, and the song ends up sounding like canned excitement. The vocal processing and inelegant structure also read as forced quirkiness, and it actually makes me feel extremely lonely. It's like everyone around me is having a blast and I'm trying my hardest not to kill the mood so I play along. Forcing my best smiles and acting more gregarious than usual, I hope that no one notices how I really feel. Of course, in the back of my mind I keep asking myself, "what's wrong with me?" This isn't healthy for me to listen to and I'm never going to play it again. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: It's hard for me to hear this as something other than an intricately adorned edifice whose sole purpose is to showcase some pretty great drum fills. And yes, they are pretty great. But the untelegraphed stylistic changes make it difficult to establish a baseline mood, and the insistence on layering new elements rather than perfecting the existing ones smacks of dilettantism. As a result, I have no clue what those pretty great drum fills are supposed to make me feel, other than mildly impressed. [4]

Rebecca A. Gowns: This is so fun! I just want to listen to this over and over again. The verses are so deliciously restrained, and that bombastic multi-part chorus is so meaty I could chew it like a big fat gumball. It reminds me of the first time I heard "Praise You" or "Let Forever Be" -- or maybe it just reminds me of being on the verge of young adulthood, feeling like anything was possible, getting lost in daydreams, and wearing out my DVDs of music videos with clever conceits. [10]

Will Adams: The pre-chorus -- where the vocals distort, the house piano comes in and the synths start to soar -- makes me think this could really use a Galantis remix. It's the best part of a song that's otherwise shrouded in reverb and a mix that lacks brightness. [6]

Julian de Valliere: Whenever I'm feeling terrible about life and my general existence I don't normally turn to songs that promise the sun will break through the clouds tomorrow, because when I'm sat on the toilet in the only room I can be afforded some privacy to fall apart I don't really want to be reminded of a hope I can no longer seem to generate. Those songs, all of which have undoubtedly been painstakingly assembled to inspire joy and optimism and all that good stuff within my breast, only manage to come across as cruel in my head. "Peach" has also been geared to stimulate such emotions, but there's a specificity in Broods' lyricism -- particularly that middle eight -- that allows it to register as intended. "Peach" doesn't try to downplay the severity of any situation, but spins the endless possibilities of the future in a way that's more realistic than impossibly cheerful. Yes, there'll be bad times, but also good ones, eventually. And then maybe more bad. But then probably more good. When you're desperately waiting for things to turn around, each knock-back can feel like another sign to stop pushing forward -- but I'm so grateful to this song for reminding me that forward is the only way. [10]

Alfred Soto: The drum fills, whooshes, and synth fills, and a startling call and response moment with multi-tracked vocals -- this track has ideas galore. After several listens with diminishing returns, I don't hear the song, though. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: Catcall's "The World Is Ours" retrofitted for 2018. It's one ever-so-slight step ahead of alt-pop, like a runway trend that's just started to trickle into all the stores (not quite how that works, but), and may well sound less joyous a year later. But it isn't a year later yet. [7]

Edward Okulicz: Not entirely sure of the use of "peach" as an adjective as opposed to "peachy," but am entirely sure that this is a confident bit of alt-pop that is only pretending to be shy in the chorus because that's how all the best pop songs and rollercoasters work, and the thing is stuffed with cool noises and insanely catchy hooks. The drums, the chorus that explodes and then becomes whole again only to explode as a slightly different chorus! There's a piano house mix yet to be created that's a hypothetical 10 that I'm willing into existence with my mind. Please, Broods, please, make my year. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[egregiousderp]

Okay let me explain something of how the supermarket I work at works.

Because this is all very noble-sounding saying “yeah! If you do what you want to do you’re sticking it to capitalism!” But in practicality, Capitalism has thought of that.

Foods that go missing enough in a store eventually have a price hike to compensate.

Instead of just taking the cut in profit usually you start to see compensation in the price. (You can see this with chains where despite sales being the same throughout a chain, a higher theft store will have higher prices on some items comparatively.)

A store that takes a cut in profits and has part time employees will often cut the hours to the store that’s making less. That’s fewer hours overall for the pool the part-time crew draws from, and a lot of frantic struggling on the part of the full time crew to compensate for the lack of help with the same load of work. If the crew gets efficient enough at it, does the price of the missing- let’s assume it’s food? Does that food go down?

No.

Instead the company gets to cut its hours further and schedule the more efficient team. The store makes higher profits because it now has a more efficient crew but the compensating price for the theft generally stays the same.

So the cost of what you take not only comes out of your neighbors, who have to pay more for what you cost that company, but also out of the employees whether by salary or by hardship, whether they report you or not.

If you’re stealing pricey items to return and get credit in the store for, what happens is if enough people do it the policy changes, and the people not stealing suffer.

The solution is not to steal. The solution is like above: to pay for one another where you can. Especially for things that are staples.

As a cashier, before setting up or keeping track of tills was part of my job, I used to have a specific fund I’d bring with me to cope for things like unexpected tax, or price hikes for my customers.

My best managers have had quiet personal funds for people whose trays were only very occasionally short so they could avoid write-ups and pay-free suspensions. You know. Things that would mean their employees couldn’t pay their bills because of an honest mistake.

Theft isn’t the solution you think it is.

Ask one another.

Help one another.

Capitalism exists as a system of greed. We fight it not by doing what’s best for ourselves citing our poverty as justification, but by refusing to turn on one another or ignore one another’s burdens.

We’ll never be successful in tearing down this system for good if we don’t establish a baseline of caring for one another first. Instead we’ll all be thinking of how what we don’t have justifies what we’re doing and how it’s actually good.

We are forced to live in a system that steals from us daily, Kill snitch culture.

[hopefulfestivaltastemaker]

February 7, 2021

This is my weekly roundup of things I am up to. Topics include anthropocentrism, modularity and risk, minimum lot sizes, and the Great Stagnation.

Flavors of Anthropocentrism

This Twitter thread was helpful to me in clarifying different notions of anthropocentrism that are common in philosophical discourse. While there are many such definitions, two in particular I think are important.

1) The belief that humans (and human values, if you’re a weak anthropocentrist) have high or exclusive moral weight relative to ecosystems or other organisms.

2) The belief that humans are special in the kingdom of life and have unique roles and responsibilities.

In the thread, Nils Gilman conflates the two definitions, while Wolf Tivy decouples them, as does the original piece linked; David Grinspoon on the Sapiezoic. David comes fairly close to defining a view that is similar to what I want to advocate. My view has two main components: first, that civilization, as a unique form of emergent complexity, does deserve special (though by no means exclusive) moral consideration, and second, that scientific advancement allows us to play positive-sum games between values systems and thus is something to be pursued.

Wolf also referenced Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, an early 20th Century French Jesuit priest who is best known (at least by me) for introducing Omega Point cosmology and the idea of the noosphere. But I know little about his broader work. Now I want to investigate more thoroughly.

Modularity and Risk Reduction

The main tradeoff in urban design is between economies (good things) and diseconomies (bad things) that come with scale. The diseconomies of scale tend to grow faster than economies, but from a smaller base, and from a sufficiently large size. For this reason, there tends to be an optimum city size, though this optimum varies widely based on the city’s economic specialization, transportation infrastructure, and other factors. I am interested in the question of whether and how these principles might be extended to networks of cities (e.g. civilization). While there are clearly economies of scale, there also seem to be observable diseconomies of scale. One such diseconomy is what the Effective Altruist community identifies as existential risk, or its slightly less severe cousin, global catastrophic risk.

For this reason, there is great interest in tools that reduce risk without also harming economies of scale. That’s where this article on mitigating x-risk through modularity comes in. It calls for forms of modular civilization design to decouple risks across regions. An example would be cities that are better able to prevent arrival and departure to control infectious disease outbreaks. The article mentions space colonization as a form of modularity but notes that this is not a practical option for the foreseeable future.

The ideas here are interesting, but I’m not sure how they would work in practice. The article also doesn’t note the scale/risk tradeoff mentioned earlier, which I think has to be a central consideration of any risk reduction measure.

Relative to the EA community, I am more concerned about technological stagnation and demographic decline, and less about nuclear war, AI run amok, etc. (though I acknowledge that these are serious issues as well). This makes me think about modularity in somewhat different terms. For example, charter, private, and homeschooling as a way of reducing the ideological pressures that are prevalent in public schooling; decentralized social media; charter cities, quantified health; and so forth. These areas too require rigor in terms of social polyculture gained versus the costs of decentralization.

Minimum Lot Size

This week the Oregon Legislature considered a bill, HB 2655, that would put a statewide cap of 1 acre on minimum lot sizes for residential areas that countries can impose. The cap is currently 5 acres. According to research that Urban Cruise Ship has done, minimum lot size regulations are the most impactful regulation, per housing unit affected, of widely used zoning rules on land use. There are 13 pieces of written testimony submitted against the bill, 2 asking for clarification, and 1 (namely, mine) in favor (on Twitter I said there are 15 testimonies against, but I mistakenly double-counted two of them).

Aside from the usual NIMBY stuff, the most prevalent argument against the bill is that it would encourage rural development and hence sprawl. Rather upset at the time, I marveled on Twitter how minimum lot size regulations could be packaged as anti-sprawl tools. I guess the rationale is a sort of Simpson’s Paradox situation: while the new rules should densify rural development, they would increase rural development relative to urban development and lower density overall. In theory at least. I’d have to do some calculations to know whether this argument holds water. I haven’t done so, and I am quite certain that the opponents of the bill haven’t done so either. At any rate, in my testimony I was more concerned with affordability than density, and the rules would indisputably improve affordability.

I only became aware of the bill because of some comments that Randy Tucker, Oregon Metro’s state lobbyist, made in a work session. Randy, presumably representing Metro’s official position, is against the bill, apparently concerned primarily about retaining local control over land use decisions. I am bothered that (what appears to be) Metro’s official position would make housing less affordable, which clearly goes against my interest, though I don’t think this is something worth making a stink to my representative about.

Another big question in my mind is where the state’s pro-housing establishment was. They got a major land use reform bill, HB 2001, through the legislature a couple years ago. I get it that it’s hard to trawl through everything that the legislature does. A person almost has to be a full-time lobbyist to keep track of everything, and I certainly don’t keep track of everything. But even with this dynamic accounted for, the pro-housing movement seems to be very selective about what they will and won’t support, and housing affordability is at best one of several priorities that they bring to the table.

Great Stagnation

There were several pieces in the last few weeks about whether the world is in a “Great Stagnation”, and what, if anything, we can reasonably do about it. For the sake of clarity, I consider the Great Stagnation to be the observed secular slowdown in growth of Total Factor Productivity, but the term has a somewhat broader meaning.

Discussion was kicked off by this Jason Crawford post, where he seems to have come around to the idea that there is in fact a secular TFP slowdown. Crawford points out that we are currently seeing significant progress in information technology, but in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, we were seeing significant progress across the board.

Eli Dourado breaks down technology growth here, and he calls specifically for innovation in areas that make up the lion’s share of the budget for poor households: housing, energy, food, and health care (education isn’t mentioned but that is another important area). He calls for a progressive supply-side approach to these issues, which he rightly identifies as much superior to simply writing checks, which has become a sort of default option for dealing with social challenges.

The Nintel blog added this piece, arguing two points. First, there is no evidence of a technological slowdown. Second, trying to identify a unified theory for stagnation is not very helpful, and we should focus on reforms that we know will raise TFP, like raising birth rates. The piece is interesting. I would be inclined to agree with the second point but disagree with the first; it seems to me that there really is a slowdown in basic science, though the jury is still out on my mind whether this is something that can be reversed.

I’ve been thinking about this issue for a long time without any clear answers, and I wonder if I have reached a point of diminishing returns. One final observation: to say that there is a slowdown in TFP is to use a fixed annual percentage rate of TFP growth (or exponential growth in the economy) as a baseline expectation. But why should we expect that? In a different context, I’ve criticized the emissions/GDP (carbon intensity) metric as one that implicitly expects these two quantities to be proportional and then seeks to explain deviation from proportionality. But I think there are inherent reasons to not expect them to be proportional, and so declining carbon intensity is not a thing that needs to be explained, at least in that form. Maybe declining TFP is in the same boat.

[tearlessrain]

okay, I have a spare afternoon and a freshly made batch of guacamole I need to hide from my roommate because I only had one avocado and that is not enough to share. time to ruin it by watching Maximum Ride.

aw sad bird child. okay she looks nothing like the description in the book but she is adorable. why does the old guy look so much like Sad Island Luke.

listen I’m gonna be honest and say I barely remember the plot of the books and have no idea who anyone is. I remember who Ari is and like three of the bird children

why would the nicknames they (if I remember right, see above) gave eachother be on their official forms

oh god down we go into Voiceover Exposition Hell

... that is not a tomboyish fourteen year old girl.

... that is NOT a fourteen year old boy

seriously she looks like liv from izombie

um. did his wings get cut off. why is his back like that. where are her wings. why are they acting like it’s a big secret nobody is watching this who didn’t read the books we’re just here to see mediocre cgi wings. you have one job, movie. don’t screw up your one redeeming quality.

omg small child is adorable. he’s also the best actor by far for some reason. not that the bar was high but like this kid can actually act

why are they like. going out if their way to make max as unlikable as possible. I dislike her almost as much as light turner.

description of iggy I recall reading: pale, light-haired, fine-boned, somewhat calm and serious

description of max I recall reading: dark-haired, relatively sturdy build for a bird child, blunt and outspoken

so why am I seeing literally the exact opposite????

I just really, really hate her she hasn’t displayed a single redeeming quality or resemblance to her book counterpart

fifteen minutes in and still no sign of wings aka the only thing that would make this movie even slightly watchable

“I know you think max doesn’t care, but she does” are you sure about that fang because we’re almost a fifth of the way into the movie of which she’s the titular character and she has yet to display even one single emotion

wait that’s iggy sorry they both have the generic white boy haircut and dress similar

why did they give iggy all of max AND fang’s distinctive/interesting traits

less than one minute later: “you’re wrong to think max doesn’t care, she does” okay so like... you know the part of editing where you go through and look for superfluous lines and remove them? I THINK THEY FORGOT TO DO THAT.

god it’s like listening to a bioware dialogue tree

the only plot this movie has had so far is “nobody can go outside and everyone has to keep quiet” and now you all come pouring out of the house and start yelling the instant something suspicious happens. okay.

WINGS. FINALLY.

it wasn’t even a dramatic reveal though it was literally just schwoop there she goes

oh that’s some hobbit-level cgi oh dear

you know if you don’t have the budget to make decent wings and show them more often you shouldn’t be making a maximum ride movie that’s the only reason anyone is even here. seriously, one job.

oh my god ari I’m dying what did they do to his character design holy shit that’s bad

wHY ARE THESE CHILDREN BETTER ACTORS THAN THEIR OLDER COUNTERPARTS

WHAT IS THIS 80S MUSIC VIDEO OVERLAY EDITING

lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad

her face is just slowly rotating closer please stop.

i don’t want it.

what did that accomplish

aaand max continues to be a passenger in her own movie while fang and iggy take all the initiative

such dramatic. very slo mo. wow.

I love how they were so confident in their writing ability that they thought they could made the wings an afterthought

paul ari you is a wirwulf

I’m sorry nobody is going to get that it’s a mystery science theater reference

okay know what we should just rename the movie “Iggy” because he’s literally the only one who’s done anything useful or interesting

omg ari did the Shan Yu Punch out of the ground amazing

okay those wings are in no way sufficient to lift a child. even a child with hollow bones and whatever other bullshit physiology. they aren’t much longer than arms, you don’t even need to worry about being cumbersome when folded because they apparently just vanish magically so why not go for it. seriously, you had ONE JOB.

“stop.” thank you fang that’s just what I was about to say to her. but I think you meant “stop being irrational about this particular thing” whereas I meant “stop talking forever please and thank you”

you do NOT have enough chemistry or nuance for this much dialogue-free face closeup content, movie. when I said stop talking I meant stop the WHOLE scene containing the talking.

you know that “lemon stealing whores” porn intro that became a meme? that’s the quality of acting I’m looking at here. I’m not exaggerating that’s the vibe I get from her.

ah the ol’ “convenient nearby sexual assault” trope, hallmark of a writing team who forgot to give their protagonist a personality or redeeming qualities and are desperately trying to make up for it too late.

here comes fang in all his music video quality cgi slo mo glory to once again render max utterly superfluous

the funny thing is in any other movie I would kind of hate him but the baseline is max so he seems all right

it’s been 40 minutes and like three things have happened

okay I know normally in these liveblogs I’m yelling “show don’t tell” but that only works if what you’re showing has any internal consistency or meaning, if I just wanted to watch a bunch of disjointed scenes sometimes in slow motion I’d watch Koyaanisqatsi because at least they did it well. movie, please stop showing me things.

speaking of internal consistency they keep going wildly off model on the wings, they keep changing size/shape, now they look like they’re made of bendy wire how hard is it to google bird anatomy. YOU HAD. ONE. JOB.

how is she this bad at acting. I’m just looking on in awe now.

oh fang you’re a saint for putting up with her but you should have just left her in the house and taken over the movie

THE DIALOGUE IS SO BAD. “how’s you’re shoulder?” “fine......................................................... seriously, that’s all you’re going to say?” HE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING

this is just such a bizarrely disjointed mess

no. no please don’t kiss I don’t want to see it and it definitely didn’t happen in the book

thank god

omg it was iggy, finding yet another way to save the movie

oh stop trying to make her out to be all heroic and shit now, you wasted half the movie making this bed now lie in it and make someone else the protagonist. how about iggy, who has a personality and does things and stopped the unnecessary romance subplot in its tracks. the boy’s a hero.

only 30 minutes to go I can do this

I’m not even mad about the bullshit science because every other component of the movie is somehow even worse

“you were his favorite” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY SHE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES

actually scratch that SHE HAS NO QUALITIES SHE’S JUST THERE

flashback to the comparatively talented child actors time again

what was the point of that flashback though, you’re just relaying the exact information fang just told everyone with no new contributions. I didn’t say show AND tell ffs.

I don’t even know what to say about ari he’s just generally hilarious

okay we get it the ringing is loud, you have established this into the ground now please stop

okay good nobody’s talking Imma just take my earbuds out until it’s over

finally

and they’re back in their weird, economically inefficient cage arrangement again. oh no.

seriously why are all the children better actors like where did they find these children. moreover where did they find such terrible adults.

here comes woverine’s obnoxious metalhead little brother again

OKAY, WE KNOW IT’S JEB, YOU CAN STOP BUILDING UP TO IT NOW

please stop talking I beg you this is painful

“I brought you to the house so you could develop physically and emotionally” and I assume they brought her back because that part of the experiment was a complete failure

okay listen the pacing and editing in this movie is awful. it’s so slow. they pause for at least three seconds between every single line of dialogue and it feels like they’re doing that because they’re trying to cover for the fact that they have absolutely nothing to say. this conversation could last half as long as it is. and the editing isn’t even interesting it’s just “headshot headshot fullbody distance shot from the side repeat” even if the actors were good this scene would be boring as all fuck.

[monotone exposition]

[more exposition]

[badly emoted emotional response]

there now imagine that repeated several times over and you’ve watched the entire, I shit you not, seven minute scene.

so she walked out of the room calmly and voluntarily right past ari and then we cut to ari aggressively wrestling her back in the economically inefficient cage room

why is he talking like batman

why are they all looking to her for leadership she’s shown zero leadership

MAKE IGGY THE LEADER MAKE IGGY THE LEADER DEPOSE MAX

bit late to establish a new villain with no precedent in your already disjointed movie isn’t it?

p l e a s e stop with these establishing shots

asdfkdgs she punched him in the chest and his head jerked to the side miscommunication

once again that went on longer than it needed to I think we’ve identified this movie’s fatal flaw

one of them

the other is max’s acting

and the ratio of wings to literally anything else

everything that’s occurred in this movie could have happened in thirty minutes tops

running running running

with no indication of how far apart they are or where they’re going of course so there’s absolutely no tension

wha

omg she’s still standing there fucks sake learn pacing

“so what now” “I dunno” LEADERSHIP

oh goodness oh no she has passed out I guess we’ll just have to make Iggy the leader such a shame

you know even in the book I remember liking Iggy a lot. he was a wildly different character from the little I recall but I do know I liked him.

they flashed back to the entire movie sped up and it took less than a minute which I think says a lot about how little happened in this movie

oh no enough romantic tension

S T O P

I was at least expecting a final dramatic group takeoff since they’re a bunch of BIRD PEOPLE standing on the edge of a CLIFF and all, but I guess the cgi budget ran out so we end with the bird children just standing on the ground in a group to dramatic music.

YOU

HAD

ONE

JOB

fuck this I feel cheated but at least it’s over.