#its a great way of diffusing a situation

[sincerelyrki]

you don’t look like an angel

being heavens highest angel, lee heeseung was completely and utterly fucked. he’d made the one mistake that could cost him both his wings and his immortality- he had summoned a demon into the most sacred paradise on earth. it was only his luck that it wasn’t just a regular impure demon; no, it was worse. he had summoned a succubus.

paring : virgin!angel!heeseung x succubus!fem!reader

warnings + genre : smut. slightly dubcon (heeseung didn’t know what was happening). corruption. religious guilt. begging. unsafe sex. marking. oral (m). riding. slight degradation. begging. profanity. blood. cumming untouched. demons hiss and purr.

wc : 5.9

a/n : idk what this is but i had to read the entire thing out loud to make sure it sounded right and i think it’s safe to say that this might be one of my favourite works i’ve ever written so far? something about heeseung and corruption…anyways, as always i’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts 🤞

written perm taglist : @vousty @ilololoveyou @moon0fthenight

Heeseung was just finishing his final prayer when it happened, his hands still pressed together at the base of his forehead. Earlier in the day he’d heard about a new prayer, one that was said to be extremely popular with the rising youth. 

It was spoken in another language, one far too complex for Heeseung to understand. But the words were simple, easy to pronounce and fairly similar to a chant he’d heard his mother pray with. 

Due to its simplicity, it allowed more room for error. One small mistake could change the outcome of any prayer spoken through an angel's lips. Their loving prayers were far more powerful than any other beings, their direct connection with the lord strengthening their pleas. 

With the ability to heal an unknown disease with a singular sentence, an angel's voice was the most sought-after remedy.

But as the old saying says, with great power comes great responsibility. 

With a voice as strong as theirs it was bound to be heard. Whether it was heard from the lord or other angels, someone was always listening. 

What Heeseung failed to realize was that the language of his new prayer was the language of the unknown. No living human understood the language, their own interpretations being nowhere near the direct translation.

But like all other sayings, their false words made their way through the clouds. The wind was listening, the echoes of their translations meeting the ears of a few young angels.

They weren’t of the right age to learn about the wind's voice yet, so they did what they thought they had to. They spread the word, the listening angels hearing their prayers. 

It was a cruel game of telephone, the words jumbling together until it was forced to make its own poem. Heeseung just happened to be at the receiving end of one of one.

For a room that was well above the atmosphere, it was oddly humid. The freshwater flowers that thrived in his usual cold room were now completely withered. Their once vibrant petals were now dyed a terrific red, the hue straining their pure white appearance.

Heeseung watched with the utmost confusion as they contorted within seconds, the vapour diffusing into a puddle of red acid that gathered alongside the vase, identical red streams dripping from each individual stamen.

His hand moved on its own, his fingers a hairstring away from the mysterious liquid before a loud voice echoed from the other side of the room. Heeseung’s main light went out, his bedside lamp coming to life on its own. 

“You shouldn’t touch that.” Heeseung jumped in place, his wings springing free from their confinement in his attempt to defend himself. 

He was light on his feet when he spun around, unfortunately for him- he saw nothing but darkness on the other side of his room. Your figure blending right into the background. 

He grew panicked when his hand was met with air when he reached back for his bow, the situation drawing down fast on him. Not only was he stuck in a room with a mysterious creature but he was left defenseless in said room with the mysterious creature.

What were the chances that you were another angel?

“Are you looking for this?” The angel's jaw fell in shock when his missing bow dropped by his feet, the riser snapped clean in half. His heart sank at the sight, pain creeping across his chest. 

His bow was crafted with the finest materials, the limbs harvested from their most sacred willow tree’s aged bark- embezzled with an intricate carving for each of his greatest accomplishments. 

In an instant Heeseung grew nervous, he knew he wasn’t in the presence of an angel. Each angel was sworn by an oath, and the roots of the tree webbed across their every bone, making it impossible for them to harm such a sacred weapon. 

His jaw remained open when you finally revealed yourself, you were the envisionment of sin.

Yep, you definitely aren’t an angel.

Your breasts were held up with the tiniest fabric he’d ever seen, nothing but two small triangles hanging from your shoulders that were attached with a thin knot. The article did nothing to hide your body, everything except for your nipples out for him to see. 

His cheeks grew inflamed by an invisible force pulling his eyes down to follow the curvature of your exposed waist.  A slightly larger triangle sat hugging your hips, the right side of your hips was exposed, the fabric cascading in a diagonal slit towards your left thigh. It took him several seconds after staring at your legs to realize what he was doing. He slapped his right hand over his eyes, lips opening to recite his prayers.

Heeseung felt ashamed of his reaction, as angels weren’t supposed to observe nudity in a sexual manner. He’d never viewed another person's body in the way he did yours and he’d spent many hours aiding the other angels bathe during their sicknesses- this was a whole new territory that he’d never dared to think about. 

You, of course, noticing his ashamed prayers couldn’t help but take offence. Why would he beg for forgiveness after he called out to you? It wasn’t god who he should be worshiping, it should be you. 

“You can’t help your reaction, my body is supposed to make you feel like that.” You humoured him anyways knowing that none of this ashamed shit that he was feeling would matter in an hour. 

Heeseung vigorously shook his head in denial, your words not helping his inner turmoil at all. You were wrong, you had to be. He was supposed to be an angel and angels don’t act upon sin. 

He’d spent his entire childhood learning about each sin, spending hours of his life drowning in the promise of devotion. 

He had been loyal since the day he was born, temptations weren’t even a thought in his head anymore. He was the living epitome of purity. How could he honour his mother if he gave into the word of the demon? 

Heeseung kept his eyes on you whilst he completed his prayers, his final words building a sanctuary around his untainted blood. The blood of a virgin. 

You started your advance with small steps towards him, your bare feet making no sound as you neared him. The closer you got the more potent the blood’s smell became, iron heavy in the air as your body heat drew closer. 

You stopped halfway across the room, your mouth was practically watering by the time you were able to make out the small pool of red, the pretty flowers only making it seem more appetizing. 

“Do angels ever crave blood the way we do?” You knew they didn’t, it was against their entire existence but some sick side of you wanted nothing more than to see the angel’s reaction to your question.

Pretty boys were your weakness and Heeseung was so fucking gorgeous. You grew jealous of your future self, loathing that she got to touch him- to fuck him the way you’re imagining it right now. You couldn’t wait to watch him shake beneath you, begging to whoever was listening for you to stop. 

Heeseung’s mouth dropped in horror, you craved blood? He looked at you like you were insane for your completely valid needs like he couldn’t fathom craving something so inhumane. He wasn’t completely sure if you meant human or animal blood but after seeing the way you looked at him he’d say had a pretty lucky guess. 

“Because I've never craved it more.” Chills went down Heeseung’s spine while he tried reading through your words, were you a vampire who smelled him from Earth? He knew angels smelt the best to them. 

His questions answered themselves through the sudden wave of iron clashing with his sensitive nose. He looked over his shoulder towards the flowers that were now completely drenched. 

“Whose blood is this?” He was barely finding his voice before he forcefully stuttered his final question, his throat burning with a newfound emotion.

Your head cocked to the side while your lips pulled up into a side smirk, your pink tongue quickly coming out to wet them. It was almost an endearing sight, almost. 

Heeseung stumbled back with a small shriek when you suddenly appeared right in front of him, your chest pressing flesh against his for a few seconds too long. 

He watched the way you kept your eyes on him whilst reaching one of your fingers out towards the pool of blood, a gasp crawling up his throat when you brought your fingers to your lips.

You made a show of sticking your tongue out, trailing your finger from the bottom up before you stuck in between your lips. 

You let out a small hum of approval, the sweet taste of his blood tasting better than any you’ve tried before. You finally understood what your friends meant when they swore that a virgin’s blood tasted the best, however, they never got the pleasure of tasting it from an angel. 

“It’s your blood, who else’s would it be?” You watched in amusement as the angel’s face blanched, his wings twitching behind his back as he attempted to curl into himself. ‘Cute’, you hummed to yourself as you mentally took a shot at this moment. If there was one rule about angles that every species seemed to agree on was that angels have always been beautiful. But there was something about this specific one that felt so different. It could’ve been the fact that he was untouched, or it could’ve been the way his fear shone so obviously in his eyes that turned you on so fucking much. 

Typically angels smelled of a plethora of flowers, gardens growing from their untainted hands. Usually, the scent bothered you, your body being much more used to the fruit-like and sensual scents that the demons claimed as their own. 

Many angels assumed that demons would smell of burnt flesh and plied wood and sometimes they definitely weren’t wrong. But most smelled like you- after all, you needed to smell as good as you looked. No one wants to fuck someone who smells bad, even demons had class. 

“What are you?” Heeseung questioned, his wings still pulled behind his back. Even though he knew you weren’t an angel, he still had his doubts. Demon wasn't even a word in his vocabulary, it was one of the few words that were forbidden to be spoken in heaven. Sure, you had wings and the same flawless skin he sported but your wings… they couldn’t be any more different. 

Your wings were almost double his size and they appeared much more feathered, looking as if they’d been plucked from the most gracious birds and dipped into the darkest ink, black and red sunsets carving up each intricate row of feathers. 

He just never expected you to become his beautiful devastation. 

You ignored his question and continued observing the way his body reacted to you. His smell quickly became addictive, your adulterated temperament wearing thin the longer he lingered in your senses. 

“What do you want me to be?” You purred out in your most seductive tone. While waiting for his response you took it upon yourself to move closer to him, your steps much less hesitant than earlier. 

There was no denying that the man before you was truly captivating but there was something else that caught your attention much faster. His pearlescent wings were practically glowing in the dark, a layer of pale blue surrounding the smoothed edges. Which, after thinking about it for a few seconds didn’t make very much sense to you since the angels tended to constantly stay in the light. 

“An angel?” You made a sound of disgust at his disrespectful words, you? An angel? Honestly, you’d rather be a troll which says a lot considering their reputation. 

“I’ll be your angel if it helps?” Heeseung tried hiding his very evident fluster by attempting to turn away from your vision but when he tried to move, he couldn’t. 

You giggled out loud watching the panic spread throughout his face, your mind fogging with all the ways you could use him whilst he’s in this state. There was something so satisfying about having complete control over another person's body, whether it’s through your mind or actions. 

“Aw, what happened?” You cooed, acting dumb has always been one of your strong forts. It came in useful at times like this, the ability to feign innocence with a singular pout. 

Heeseung, unfortunately for him, fell right into your trap. He was naive enough to believe that you had nothing to do with his state, which is way beyond you. It would’ve been obvious to anyone else that you were controlling him but perhaps angels thought differently.

“I can’t move.” Heeseung nearly screamed when your hand pressed on the spot where his heart lay beneath his chest, his heart thundering louder than before. It was only racing because he was scared, there’s no way your touch was affecting him. Angels don't feel lust. 

Lust. The definition is described as a “disordered desire for inordinate enjoyment of pleasure.” Heeseung lived by the word of the lord. He’d spent his entire life bending backwards to live by the commandments that were shoved down his throat, his lungs choking against the words bubbling to come out. 

It wasn’t hard to drown into the mold that’s been made to best fit him but it was nearly impossible to escape. He thought he was fine in this confined space, lonely sure, but free of sin. He was accepted by the lord and that’s all that he’s ever wanted.

But he was made for sin because he was made for you. 

“Then I guess I'll have to take care of you. I can’t leave you here all alone, not when you’re this vulnerable.” Poison disguised as worry spilled from your lips and slipped through Heeseung’s mind. 

Your words drew more than reassurance through Heeseung, it drew guilt. Guilt for doubting your intentions, for believing that you could’ve been here to harm him. He felt so wronged for you, you must’ve been so angry at him. But still, you offered your help. Maybe he’d slip you into his nightly prayers, thanking the lord for gracing him with your presence. 

All the thoughts frozen when your hand touched the edge of his wing, his body electrified with a foreign feeling. No one else has ever touched his wings before, it was an action that was far too intimate to allow anyone else to try. 

He knew his wings were sensitive but he never knew they were this bad. His wing twitched under your touch, pushing itself closer to your hand. 

You watched in amazement as his wings awoke from their state, your touch bringing them to life. You never controlled his wings, the action far too cruel for even a demon to pull. 

You tested the touch again, pressing your palm flat against the parts that were attached to his spine. They fluttered again, a brighter light emitting from the edges, oh. His wings don’t always glow, they won’t glow when they’re being stimulated.

Your wing's nerves were linked to the ones that spread across your pelvis and down. You’d witnessed many demons talking about using it as a pleasurable advantage. Succubus was seen as a sex symbol, so obviously their experience matched the description. 

But you’d never gotten the chance to test the theory for yourself. Now that you have you weren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to stop. 

Without Heeseung’s knowledge, his cock jumped with each touch. It wasn’t that he was aroused, just overstimulated. He loud out a quiet whine, one that stopped as soon as it came. To you, he was so fucking pathetic. Whining after getting touched twice? But just as pathetic as he was, he was hypnotic. 

“Sh, I’m helping you in the best way I know.” You shushed his whines before you moved to stand in front of him, pressing your chest against his. Heeseung wasn’t sure what you were doing when you did that but then something surprising happened.

Your chest began letting out these small vibrations. Your eyes stared up into his whole you enhanced the force, your purrs reaching your throat. 

He was so pretty standing all pliant, unmoving as you controlled his body. The purrs came out of nowhere, the sudden affection catching you off guard. But you soon appreciated it, Heeseung deserved only the best.

It was at this moment that you decided that you wanted to keep him. There was no way in heaven or hell that you’d let anyone take him away from you, you’d let the world burn before a singular finger touched his- your- skin. From this second on he belonged to you, wholly and completely. 

You’d mark him after mating, your gums were already aching at the thought. As a demon, you could mate however many times you wanted. But you could only have one mate, your bite would solidify the union. 

But for now, you just returned your hands back to his wings. And as expected, he choked out another whimper, his mouth gaping open at the liquid heat gathering in his stomach. 

“Do you like it when I touch you like this?” Heeseung, thinking he was still sin-free, nodded his head. He adored it. 

You let out a cat-ish grin, your pointed canines poking from beneath your top lip. Heeseung knew of only two species who had pointed canines but only one had retractable ones. 

You were a demon. 

It didn’t scare him as much as he thought it would, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t say an extra prayer in the morning. 

And like always, you could tell that he had found out. “I’m a succubus, you summoned me.” Through Heeseung’s cloud of pleasure, he couldn’t make himself question you. Yeah sure, he totally summoned you. He’d believe anything you said as long as you keep making him feel like this.

His head flew back when your hand touched a specific spot on his wings, the only bare spot.

For both angels and demons alike there was a singular spot on the top corner of the right wing. It was bare of any feather, it was strictly skin. There was a small string of skin that held the strongest nerve in your entire body. 

The nerve was used for connections, it was what allowed them to converse with the wind. But it wasn’t until now that you both learned that it was much more because the second you touched it, you felt him.

You felt his every emotion, the warmth in his stomach, and the pounding of your cunt. 

It all happened too fast, gone before you could relish in it. But if you allowed it for now, there would be many other opportunities for you to test out the connection. 

After all, Heeseung would become yours for eternity. 

Your mouth widened in amazement as Heeseung came untouched, his mouth opening with zero sound coming out. You weren’t even sure if he knew what was happening, it made it all more enjoyable for you. 

“You came untouched?” It was a rhetorical question but still, Heeseung had no idea what you were talking about. All he knew was that there was a euphoric feeling rushing throughout his body, he’d never felt more alive than at this moment. 

All he wanted was to feel it again and again, uncaring about what you tabled it as. He didn’t know he could feel this good without sinning, he honestly couldn’t wait to tell his friends.

If only you could hear his thoughts, you’d bathe in them forever. It was cute how Heeseung thought that he was still sin-free, not knowing that he’d committed one of the worst ones yet.

The feeling faded away after a few more seconds, his mind clearing as his consciousness rushed back. He was now much more aware than before and finally noticed a new detail.

You noticed the way he was trying to look down and decided to be a bit kinder, allowing his head to move on its own. Heeseung didn’t seem to notice that he now had full control of his neck, all he saw was the giant wet patch on his bottoms. 

It was also now when he noticed he was crying, his tears making smaller marks around his wetness. 

“What is-“ He was cut off by your hand grabbing his chin, pulling his confused eyes away from his soiled pants. 

“I’ll make you a deal, hm?” Heeseung nodded through his crocodile tears, his puffy cheeks stained with his fallen tears. You gave Heeseung a small smile, making a point to soften your eyes to appear more trusting. 

“I’ll help you out if you promise to… I can’t say it, I know you’ll say no.” You knew how to play your cards with a man who was desperate enough to do anything. 

“Please, I’ll do anything!” Heeseung didn’t know a thing about being manipulated. It was a concept that didn’t exist in his world. Or maybe it did but was disguised as something much less sinister. 

“Do you promise?” A hiss. All it took for Heeseung to doubt himself once again was the small hiss that made its way through your throat. It sounded far less human than he was comfortable with, but he trusted you, did he not? 

The lord swore forgiveness to everyone who’s wronged him, why wouldn’t Heeseung do the same? 

“Anything, please I promise! J- just help me.” An angel's promise. It was the only thing you needed to know that you finally had him. 

The only other thing that every species knew about angels, was that they could never break a promise. It was the greatest sin of all, a betrayal that wasn’t worth forgiving. No one, not even the lord, forgave promises. It was the highest honour an angel could give, their promise. 

Heeseung knew that he couldn’t go back and undo what had been done, to take back the words that were spoken in a sense of urgency. And he didn’t really know if he wanted to, not when he was finally able to move his arms.

“Sit on the bed.” Heeseung’s legs moved under your command, the promise allowing you to control his every move. What he didn’t know was that you didn’t need his word to control him, it was part of your demon abilities. 

He had no choice but to comply with what you said, he wasn’t labelled heaven's highest angel for no reason. 

You weren’t completely sure where to start because usually you just did whatever you wanted, uncaring about the other person. All the other people who’d summoned you had already been asleep when you arrived and stayed asleep the entire time. Their mortal minds were far too weak to handle the pheromones releasing from your body, even the other supernatural species couldn’t handle it. 

“Mate me.” It was easier to get straight to the point, there was no need for any foreplay at this stage. The connection that you’d made with him was enough to prepare you for him, it was in your dna. 

Heeseung on the other hand, didn’t take it as well. He denied it right away, his head practically exploding at your words. Mate you? The lord would never forgive him, he’d be breaking his promise to him. 

Promise after promise, it was all Heeseung was good for. He’d promised his life away, his celibacy. He’d be banned from heaven, shunned of his wings. He’s already made the grave mistake of bringing you here, but this? This would cost him everything, his entire life. 

But still, you made him feel alive. You made him realize that he’d never felt anything before- not even joy. He’d been a cast of a person who he was forced to be, who even was he anyway?

A follower. And that’s all he’ll ever be for the rest of his life. He’s never hated anymore more than how much he hates you for making him come to terms with his life. 

It was his prayers that did this, why would the lord give you him if it wasn’t supposed to happen? You were supposed to be here, the lord approved of you. Why else would you come? It had to be what was happening, Heeseung was finally allowed a pass to be the person he’d locked away many lifetimes ago. 

But it stung, deep. His guilt came out in a wail of tears, angry fists banging against the bed beside him. His tormented thoughts roared with life, he was finally letting go. 

Fuck the commandments, fuck his promises, and he only hoped the lord would let him fuck you. 

And so with a wave of fresh tears and forgotten fears, he did what you said. He stood from his spot, your mind open and free of the handles you had strapped to his wrists. 

He’d pulled his pants down in one yank, his underwear pulling down with them. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was alive. alive. Lee Heeseung was finally alive. 

The air smelt different, curtsey to your pheromones. Your hands felt rougher when they met his now bare chest, the bed feeling softer as his wings cushioned his fall. 

His head was clear when he felt your hand grab his cock, his heart void of guilt when he felt your mouth wrap around him.

But as the circle goes, it comes back around. 

Knowing that other men enjoyed thinking that they’re too big for you, you fake choked on him. Your eyes filled with fake tears as you pretended to gasp for air. Your chest heaved at an uncontrollable speed, fingers numbing at the thought of making him feel good.

Sex came naturally to Heeseung, which was something the two of you didn’t expect. His hands pulled your head back toward where he needed you the most, his thumb pulling your lips apart before he pushed you down to suction around him.

“God- you feel so fucking good.” He doesn’t even recognize himself anymore, his mind too full with the feeling of you to realize that he’d spoken the lord's name in vain. 

He wasn’t just betraying himself, he was giving up heaven. He'd give it away a million times more if it meant that he’d spent his life with you. Your name was the only one rushing from his mouth, the only one getting worshiped as your tongue wrapped around his bulbous tip. 

You used your tongue to trace circles around the small slit at the top of his cock, collecting everything he was giving to you. He tasted so sweet, nothing like anything you’ve tasted before. 

He didn’t warn you before filling your mouth, his amateur thrusts being overshadowed by your much more experienced lick.

You’d pulled away from him after holding him in your mouth, waiting to feel him soften before pulling him off. Heeseung’s head tilted to the side in confusion when you opened your mouth, sticking out your tongue. 

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be seeing- oh…

You felt a surge of confidence rushes through your body at the feeling of him hardening against your hands. “Already? you’re so needy.” 

You rose to a stand, grabbing his hands to pull him to stand instead. All it took was a snap of fingers for your clothes to be gone, leaving you completely nude. 

Heeseung felt like every moment of his life had led up to this, you were his final destination. Without him noticing, he whispered one final prayer. Right when he went to recite the trinitarian formula, he noticed.  

Guilt was unforgiving but so was hesitation. He hesitated to give in earlier, but now? 

“Are you ready?” Heeseung didn’t recognize his voice anymore, a much deeper one coming out. His hands moved on their own when he pulled your legs around his waist, pushing his hips forward until his cock pressed against your lips. 

You nodded once, pushing your legs further apart as you waited for him to make the move. He looked down at you cunt in appreciation, the lord really did take his time creating you. It’s too bad that his favourite creation was going to ruin it.

Heeseung wrapped his hand around his base before giving an experimental squeeze. Heeseung had never touched himself before today, having no idea what was supposed to feel good. 

He ignored his embarrassing inexperience and used his other hand to open you up for him. His mouth watered at the sight of your bare in front of him, you looked so welcoming. 

He tried not to stare for too long because he knew that if he did he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from using his mouth first. But he’d much rather finish it all off by licking you clean, drinking everything you have to offer. 

He tapped the head of his cock against you, watching from under his eyebrows at how you reacted. From the way your hips pushed up, he knew exactly where to touch you. 

He kept his head pressed against you as he pushed down, stopping once he reached your entrance. This was the moment that would change his entire life, he was never going to be the same way he was before. 

And when he finally pushed in, his head fell forward with a loud moan. The blood of the virgin became the blood of the demon, he was no longer considered an angel in the lord's eyes. 

Your hands grabbed his biceps as he pushed in deep, his cock hitting places you’ve never felt before.  He sped up, his hips slamming against yours over and over as he grew into a routine. 

You obviously liked the way he was moving if your moans meant anything. 

“Bring me to heaven.” You managed to plead through your now real choked gasps. Your head was filled with explosions of colours, real pleasure rushing through your blood. His big cock felt too good pushing against your gummy walls, each curve of him fitting perfectly in your crevices. He was made for you. 

Heeseung sucked in a harsh breath, a teasing smile growing on his opened mouth. His eyes were now open, staring into your own as he ravished your body for what it was. 

“But you’re a demon, and we’re already here…” He let out a small grunt at his harder thrust, his eyes closing once again. He’d lost count of the number of times he’d reached this specific spot in your body, but he was certain that once he found it again he wouldn’t let it go. 

“Not that heaven-” your smile matched his as your body burned with the same flame, your impurities mixing with his. You shakily raised one of your hands up towards his face, your fingers wrapped around his jaw as you forced his face close to yours. 

His eyes opened once again, his irises now completely black as he let himself fall into the pit of pleasure. “Your heaven” Your back arched with a moan while your legs tightened around his waist.

Heeseung swore he was in love. With you, and the feeling of you. Nothing could turn him back now. He pulled your legs over his shoulder, his chest pushing away from yours as he pushed all his weight into his legs and hips. 

He pressed kiss after kiss against your ankles, biting down to create indents across your calves. He knew this angle hit deeper into you because finally, he felt that spot and and over.

Both your volumes rose into near screams when you both reached your peaks. Without thinking twice Heeseunf pressed your knees flat to your chest, his neck stretching out to bite against yours. 

Your blood filled his mouth 

Angels too sealed the mating process with a bite, but it was different. The magic was stored in each individual tooth. The pockets of their poison were located in their mamelons. And so when the angel bites into their mate, the pockets open into small needles. Three sharp needles accompanied each tooth, it was the only part of the tooth that got pushed through the skin. 

Heeseung wasn’t lying when he mentioned not craving blood, but now? His arms shook when had to pull himself away from you, the desire to drink from his new mate stronger than anything. “Thank god-“ He didn’t know what he was thanking anyone for, but he needed something to fall back on. It just happened to be the roots that caught him. 

Your broken moans were drowned out by your returning purrs, your eyes white as they rolled into the back of your head. Holy fucking shit, Heeseung marked you first?

Without allowing Heeseung to pull out you flipped him over, his back flat against the bed while you sat flush against him. He looked up through tired eyes, his mind coming back to normal as he softened inside of you. 

“Don’t thank god, he had nothing to do with this.” You growled at the angel before you released more pheromones. They seemed to do their job as he was hard again within seconds. 

You felt him throb inside of you before you rose the tiniest bit, dropping down right away.  Heeseung’s hands gripped your ass, helping your waist move forward and back with each raise and fall. 

His hips buckled to meet yours, loud slaps echoing across the room as you sunk into him over and over. Heeseung forced his head up enough to look at where the two of you were connected and god, the sight didn’t fail. 

There was a thick ring of cum formed around his base, sticky strings connecting the two of you with every new raise. He’d almost come on the spot once again, his body way more sensitive than yours due to his inexperience. 

You saw the way his face scrunched up and automatically knew that he was trying not to cum. You used your mental hold on him to remove his hands from you and pinned them by his head. 

His eyes were wide when they met yours again. He felt his heart stutter at the glare on your face. Has he done something wrong? Is he not pleasing you correctly? 

“Don’t keep anything away from me, give it all to me.” Your hips momentarily stopped, only his tip remaining in as you stared down at him. 

“Breed me.” Your quiet whisper caused an eruption of pleasure to burst through his chest. He had you lying back on your back in seconds, his instincts putting you into the mating press. 

“Don’t start what you can’t end.” He didn’t say more before he pushed into you once again. He leaned his head down to meet yours, his lips pulling your bottom one between his teeth.

He gently tugged at it once before he forced his tongue between your lips, your mouth tasting of his earlier release. “You don’t look like an angel,” He ignored the harsh look you threw at him, giving you a small smile before he pressed his lips against your pulse point. 

He breathed in a deep inhale, his body welcoming your new scent, one that was mixed with his. He bit the skin twice, the second much harder than the first before he soothed the wound with his tongue. 

He trailed small kisses up your neck, all the day until he reached your ear. He pulled your earlobe between his teeth before placing a gentle kiss against it. “But you definitely taste like one.”

[anonimusunnoaniswriting]

Geum Song Je X Reader | MDNI 18 +

Dark Themes, Red flag (obviously, its Seong Je), violence, sex, rough, manipulation.

The final part of the Possession series. Seong Je whisks you away from your demise and you find new reason to live. It's time to tame the wolf.

Part 1 is here | Part 2 is here

The driver of the taxi looked at you with a mild worry that was quickly lost when Seong Je shoved a wad of cash in his face and barked out an address; the only concern he had now was for himself and getting out of whatever situation this was, as quickly as possible. You lay slumped over in the backseat – Seong Je beside you – tears streaming down your face with no sign of stopping. 

Seong Je said nothing. 

You were aware of his eyes on you. They raked over your broken form, taking in the details, only stopping at your sullen face. If you had looked at him, you’d have noticed his smirk. Dark, and desirous, his eyes gave off the look of a crazed man while his mind raced. 

You, you punched Eunjang’s great White Mamba. The tiny thing he’d been keeping in his control for so many days did that. Nothing was more interesting. He felt completely vindicated in his decision to keep you by him now. 

The ride wasn’t long. The streets blurred past as you reached your destination where Seong Je carried you out in his arms, resting your head on his chest.  The scene took you back to  the day of Baek Jin’s funeral. The way he held you – just as he did now, close to his chest in this warm captivity. His reserved touch that you could tell held back the hunger for more. Carrying you away from the man you loved. 

That day, he’d laid you down as if you were made of glass, and then promised to wait for you no matter how long it took… 

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You didn’t know where you were. A grey apartment building stood tall in front of you. The only flash of colour came from a bunch of half peeling notices and posters stuck haphazardly on the outside of the door. 

The lift took the two of you all the way up to the 7th floor where Seong Je stepped out and carried you out to a unit which he punched in the code for with a practised ease. 

He hadn’t spoken yet. Part of him was angry that you gave his boys the slip – a logical reaction to your disobedience, but he couldn’t help being ecstatic about the events that unfolded after. 

The thrill he’d feel when he’d face an opponent thrummed just under the surface, only this time there had been no fight. Rather, he’d come to your rescue, pulling you away from an altercation.

Seong Je pushed the door open. The house was dark and mostly bare. There was a small sofa to the right, upon entry. This was flanked by two plush couches on the sides and a dark TV screen reflected the little diffused light coming from outside. In the centre was a coffee table covered in old magazines and papers. An ash-tray that was long overdue a cleaning spilled its sooty contents onto the glass tabletop in the centre. Seong Je let you down on the sofa and sat beside you, reaching over you to turn on a lamp on your side. The dim yellowish glow washed his face in warm light. 

He finally spoke, “If you wanted to go to see Si-eun so badly, all you had to do was ask, jagiya. I’d have taken you.” 

The tips of your ears burned and Seong Je sounded like he was underwater. You glared at him. “Why didn’t you let me fuck him up?” 

He ignored the question, continuing in the same careful tone one uses with a hurt child. “You aren’t the only one who misses him, jagiya. His ledgers, his accounts, it's fucking tough doing all that shit. He was the nerd. I'm not into that shit. It’s like he wrote a different language…”

He moved closer to you, pulling out a file full of papers from the coffee table in front. Sheet after sheet of paper displayed before you with writing you would recognise anywhere. Baek Jin had poured over these with you day after day. You knew them inside out. 

An exasperated cry came from the man beside you. “Nothing he ever did was easy, was it? Haha…” you could see in the corner of your eye he was clutching his hair. The mirthless laugh sent a chill down your spine.

You inhaled deeply trying to calm your nerves. These were simple calculations, bothersome at best buy with a little effort and a calculator... Your eyes scanned the pages, running over each line, each list, each note Baek Jin had made. Comprehension dawned on you. Your eyes widened. 

Na Baek Jin had assured you a job. 

His job. 

His position. 

A silent storm raged in your head. Just how much of this had he predicted? His untimely death? His inability to continue leading the union? Seong Je pouncing on what was his, the moment he saw an opening, and keeping you close so eventually when he needed help he would show you exactly this and give you the opportunity to claim the power Na Baek Jin always intended to pass onto you? 

You forced yourself to regulate your breaths. Getting ahead of yourself like this wouldn’t be of any use. You would have to play this carefully. 

“I need to use your toilet.” 

Seong Je waved in the direction of a small door – still half smirking, head in his hands as he looked over the numerous sheets.

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Washing your face, you calculated what you should do now. Baek Jin was incredibly strong and incredibly smart. 

He had known that Seong Je would be that rabid wolf who salivated all over the prospect of gaining his power. However at the same time, the pup wouldn’t have the brains to hold and manage such a large institution. 

The realisation came slow; setting in like the sunset you had wanted so much to see. You made up your mind, you wouldn’t lose Baek Jin again. 

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You shut the door behind you, wiping away the smudged mascara from your eyes, mind firm, but it didn’t hide the nervous tremble in your shoulders. Seong Je was still on the couch. His blazer lay crumpled on the coffee table in front and thin tendrils of smoke wafted from the lit cigarette between his lips. 

He tapped the spot beside him twice and took a long drag of the cigarette. Without dropping your gaze you made your way to him, undoing the buttons of your grey school jacket and shrugging it off. 

Your skirt hitched up as you ignored the spot he’d tapped and instead placed yourself astride his lap.  Seong Je’s eyes widened, however you gave him no opportunity to say anything, choosing instead to dip your head so your lips reached his ear and whispered, “It seems like you need help. All these ledgers, these accounts – Baek Jin’s plans… Let me help you. I understand Baek Jin. Everything he’s written, he’s taught me.” 

Seong Je raised an eyebrow. But you didn’t let him voice the obvious concern that’d popped in his head. A small hiss left his lips, when he felt your teeth gently graze against his helix, surprise only mounting as he felt you gently run your tongue along the rim of his ear where your teeth had grazed.

“Why? Did you think spreading my legs was all I did when we were together?”  

Seong Je probably couldn’t physically blush, but that was the closest he’d ever been to doing so. His hand found rest on your waist, running up your thigh, while the other put out his cigarette after another long drag. He pursed his lips and blew the smoke in your face, reaching out to tuck your hair behind your ear. . 

“What are you proposing, jagiya?” 

You resisted the urge to cough, breathing in the acrid smoke clouding around your head. You hated it but held in any open display of distaste and said,  “A partnership.”

Seong Je laughed, “A part– partnership! You want to be my partner?” 

You nodded. 

“So, you’re finally reciprocating? You’re finally mine?” 

You didn’t hesitate before leaving a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth. 

Seong Je pulled back sharply, blinking twice before the sparkle grew in his eye. “Ah. Jagiya... How unexpectedly bold you have suddenly become. Are you courting death?” 

You shook your head. 

“Really? I thought otherwise, seeing you swing that right hook at Yoon Si Eun without a care.” His arms wrapped around you as he pulled you closer and you could feel an obvious bulge press against your thigh. 

“Jagiya, don’t fucking take your eyes off me.” With that, he attacked your mouth. 

It was a clash of lips and teeth. Rough. Unruly. Just like him – nothing like Baek Jin. The ferocity in his movements burned. His movements were crude. Desperation in every touch. 

He pushed his hips up against your clothed crotch. Fingers tangled in your hair bringing you closer. His hand ran down your front touching the space between your breasts as he kissed his way down to the buttons of your blouse. 

He fumbled with the buttons in his haste to remove the offending cloth, stopping only when you came to help him. The first two buttons open, your collar fell apart to reveal just a glimpse of the soft mounds of your breasts. 

His lips dropped. Face buried in your voluptuous cleavage he inhaled deeply. The scent of your perfume, coupled with the sweat of the day drove him insane. Seong Je moaned against your neck – a shameless, dirty,  wanton sound. But it only got you wetter. 

His hands found yours, and placed them around his neck while he grabbed hold of your ass, lifting you off the couch and carrying you to the bedroom. You were pushed against the wall. Your head met the brick painfully. Teeth grinding he spat out an order that you would be a fool to disobey. 

“Kiss.”

Your hands carded through his hair fisting the dark locks as lips met. You rested your elbows on his shoulders, pulling him closer. The taste of his cigarette smoke invaded your senses again, spreading onto your tongue. He pushed your panties aside, swiping his fingers against your cunt. Two fingers circled your clit as he kissed your neck following a steady rhythm below. 

“Look at you.” he spoke within stuttered kisses. 

“So ready, so wet for me.” 

Kiss. 

“So pretty…” 

Kiss. 

“I’ve wanted you..”

Kiss. 

“...for so long.”

A swift movement pulled you onto the bed. You pawed at the hardness in his trousers, but Seong Je held your hands and pulled them to his hair once again. 

 He pinned you to the bed as he loosened your tie. The fabric swished under your collar and submitted to his pull. He tossed it aside. Seong Je turned you over halfway and used the tie to tie your hands behind your back. 

Panic flushed through you. “Seong Je, what– what are you doing?”

“Shhh.”He coaxed. “Don’t worry. I will never hurt you. I just like my pretty things on a leash.” He moved to your shirt.  

“Your parents could—”

“They won’t. Now shut up. Don’t make me have to gag you too." The coaxing tone gone, his threat was dark – loaded. You withdrew, not wanting to risk it. His lips hovered at the shell of your ear. 

You could hear the smile in his voice as he whispered. “I don't want to, I’d much rather hear the pretty noises you’ll make for me… I told you. I’ll take care of you. Won’t you trust me?” 

The shadows lengthened as Geum Je trailed his fingers down your shirt and unbuttoned the rest of your  blouse. The cold air hit your skin, only to be warmed gently by the radiating heat of Seong Je’s body. He dipped his head, leaving kisses with each button he undid. 

You pulled at your skirt – impatient, and he chuckled. Ducking his head between your thighs he pulled down the zipper holding it in place down and you shimmied it off. His lips pressed into your thigh. The kiss he left felt almost reverent. He pushed your panties aside and shoved his fingers in your cunt, curling them slowly. The gasp you let out was met with a lick of his lips and Seong Je buried his head between your breasts inhaling deeply. 

“Worth it…” The words were said so softly you barely caught it. 

Seong Je stuck out his tongue and licked a stripe from your belly button to your bra. The simple fabric held no interest for him and he took it in his teeth as he pulled down at it, simultaneously lifting you with his free hand and undoing the clasp. The veins in his arm popped as his left hand encircled your throat and he pulled down your bra, revealing your pretty breasts. You fell back with a bounce onto the mattress. Bra dangling like a half ripped gift wrap. 

“Worth it…” 

Your breath rose, shuddering, stuttering, “Seong Je…” You kept pulling against the ties on your wrists. 

Seong Je scoffed. His fingers were still inside you, repeating the motions like a metronome. “Look at you. Drenched, aren’t you? Where's all the confidence from earlier?” 

There was a sharp thwack against your cheek. You heard it before you felt it. The pain radiated across your face. You had heard of his strength. You had seen it too. But the first time feeling it was a horse of a different colour. 

Seong Je followed it with a devouring kiss. The room was so dark now you couldn’t see a thing. You could barely make out where Seong Je was as he headed further down. To your throat, then your breasts where his fingers found your nipples and he pinched them – hard while alternating between nipping and kissing your heated skin. The cries of pain from you only egged him on more and the feral wolf tugged at your panties tearing them off you with a loud rip. 

“Seong Je…” you moaned, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. 

He got off you and stepped back to get a good look. “Worth it.” 

“What are you talking about?” you asked softly, your eyes strained to see him properly. 

“Waiting for you, for all this time. It was worth it.” You heard him laugh. “Spread your legs. Don't make me have to do it.”

You had no choice but to follow. Seong Je laughed. He began undressing himself as he spoke to you. “So, partnership means a division of assets right?” 

You took in a sharp breath. Some tiny light coming from outside reflected off his well defined abs, highlighting every muscle. You couldn’t help stare. 

“Oi, legs apart. And answer me.” 

You snapped out of your daze, looking to where you believed his face would be. He wasn’t wearing his glasses anymore. You weren’t sure when he’d taken them off. 

“Fifty percent of profits. That’s what I want. I’ll handle the books. You handle the boys.” 

Seong Je laughed again. “You’ve really thought this through haven’t you? Okay. Cool. I’m agreeable with that.”

You felt the bed dip as his body moved closer to you again. Naked now. His cock stood – rock hard at attention, a bead of precum fell onto your stomach. 

Seong Je bent down again to your ear.

“And me. You can add me in what you get. And I’ll have you, ja-gi-ya. One hundred percent.”

His cock pushed into you with no warning. “Thank you for regaining your confidence. You’re unbelievably hot when you take charge like that, you know.. 

His hands encircled your throat, pressing down on the two hollow spots under your jaw. You quickly felt yourself get light headed. 

“Hundred percent you,” Seong Je punctuated with a thrust. “And hundred percent me. Sounds fair right?” 

You gasped feeling the air in your lungs run out, but ever so slowly tried to nod your head. Seong Je pressed down on you with his full weight. 

Panic ran through you and you thrashed against the sheets but he was much stronger, limiting your movement. 

“Hundred percent you, remember?” Your eyes had adjusted to the dark and you were able to make out the mad sadistic glint in his eye.  You felt your consciousness fading. 

“Seong Je…” you desperately mouthed. 

His lips met yours, hands releasing your throat. You gasped for fresh air, filling your lungs in-between his searing kisses. He slipped his hands under you, deftly undoing the tie around them. Finding your freedom you raked your fingers through his hair pulling and tugging the locks. Your hips lifted of their own volition meeting his frenzied thrusts. 

“You’re mine…” he gnashed out against your mouth. You could feel his smile and your climax hit you, similar to the way Seong je’s hits land on his opponents. A blinding, overwhelming pleasure finding  its way through your body to every extremity. 

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

The moon had risen high enough in the sky to wash the room in an unearthly silver glow. Outside, the lights of the city had died down Orgasm after orgasm had left you both exhausted and lying in a mess of blankets and pillows. You smoked the remainder of the last cigarette you had been sharing with Seong Je. 

Smoke filled the room. You could smell it alongside the scent of fading perfume, your sweat, and sex. Seong Je lay with his head on your chest. His face was almost innocent looking in this position. 

You stroked his hair. He really was just a little pup. Easy to manipulate. Easy to fool. If all it took was you undressing and letting him put his cock in you… You felt his head move and looked down. He was looking back up at you. “You’re beautiful, jagiya…” The ever-present amusement in his voice.

You took a long drag. You had him. Naturally, now he was yours…

The End

𓂃🌷͙⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆🌷͙⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆🌷͙⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆🌷͙𓂃

Thank you for reading, If you liked this please let me know I might do more.  Comments and reblogs are always appreciated.  Part 1 is here | Part 2 is here

[nickeverdeen]

Subtle Loyalty | Hermione Granger x Hufflepuff!fem!reader

Pairings: Hermione x reader (romantic), Ron x Hermione (one-sided love), Ron x reader (platonic)

Type of fic: Tension, Comfort

Warnings: Secret relationship, one-sided love

Summary: Being in a relationship with Hermione Granger is great and keeping it silent ‘cause she’s not ready is not a problem for you, but due to keeping it silent Ron thinks he might shoot his shot as he always liked Hermione

————————

The Hufflepuff common room was alive with its usual warmth and coziness, a stark contrast to the long, grueling day everyone had endured. The fire crackled gently, throwing golden light across the space, and a faint scent of baked goods lingered in the air. You sat cross-legged on the floor with Hermione, Harry, and Ron. It had become a tradition for the four of you to unwind together whenever the days got particularly overwhelming.

Hermione sat close to you, her legs tucked under her, her curls falling over her shoulder as she listened intently to Harry’s retelling of an encounter with Peeves earlier that day. You were perched beside her, nodding as Harry spoke and occasionally chiming in with cheerful commentary.

“You should’ve seen his face,” Harry said, laughing. “I swear Peeves didn’t know what hit him when McGonagall showed up.”

“Well, Peeves rarely learns his lesson,” Hermione said with a small smile, her gaze flicking to you as if checking to see if you were still paying attention. Of course, you were, beaming back at her with your usual brightness.

The moment was interrupted when one of your housemates, Sophie, poked her head in. “Hey, Y/N? Sorry to bother you, but… can you help? The jam jar won’t open again, and you’re the only one who can manage it.”

You grinned, standing up with a smile. “Sure, be right back.” You gave Hermione a quick, reassuring glance before walking off, leaving her with Harry and Ron.

As you left, the atmosphere in the room shifted ever so slightly. Ron, who had been stealing subtle glances at Hermione all evening, took your absence as an opportunity.

“So, Hermione,” he started, shifting closer to her on the couch. “You’ve been spending a lot of time here lately. Not that I’m complaining.”

Hermione’s brow furrowed slightly. “It’s nice here,” she replied neutrally, scooting just a bit away from him.

Undeterred, Ron leaned his elbow on the back of the couch, his body language casual but his intent clear. “It’s nice having you around. You know, just us sometimes.”

Several nearby Hufflepuffs exchanged wary glances. A couple of them—who were privy to your relationship with Hermione—visibly tensed. They knew how much you adored Hermione, how you wore your heart on your sleeve for her, and they were protective of you in a way that only Hufflepuffs could be.

Hermione, feeling their eyes on her, glanced around the room nervously. She wasn’t interested in Ron—not in that way—and she certainly didn’t want you walking back in and misinterpreting the situation.

Just as Ron was about to say something else, the door creaked open, and you returned, the infamous jar of jam in hand, a proud smile on your face. “Mission accomplished!”

Your eyes flicked to Hermione and Ron, who had stiffened at your reappearance. You tilted your head slightly but didn’t let your smile falter. Whatever had been going on, it didn’t faze you. You trusted Hermione implicitly.

Hermione, however, seemed worried. She quickly slid off the couch and moved to your side, her hand brushing yours in a subtle, grounding gesture.

Ron, catching the way Hermione naturally gravitated toward you, finally seemed to piece things together. He leaned back into the couch, his face falling slightly as realization dawned on him.

One of the Hufflepuffs closest to you, Sophie, gave you a knowing smile, clearly relieved at how effortlessly you diffused the situation.

As Hermione stood close to you, you nudged her gently with your shoulder, leaning in to whisper, “You okay?”

She nodded, her brown eyes softening as she met your gaze. “I’m fine,” she replied. “Thank you, for not making a big deal out of it.”

You grinned. “Of course. I know you’ve got good taste.”

Hermione let out a soft laugh, the tension melting from her shoulders. She placed a hand on your arm, leading you back to the couch. Whatever awkwardness lingered quickly dissipated as the conversation shifted back to lighter topics, though Ron remained notably quieter than usual.

As the evening went on, you caught Hermione’s gaze several times. Each time, her eyes held an unspoken gratitude, her affection for you clear in the small, private smiles she reserved only for you.

Later that night, as you walked Hermione back to her dormitorie, Hermione slipped her hand into yours. The halls were quiet, and no one was around to see, but the gesture still felt significant.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” she murmured.

You looked at her, a bit puzzled. “For opening the jam jar?”

She laughed softly, shaking her head. “For everything.”

Your cheeks flushed, and you squeezed her hand gently. “Take all the time you need, Hermione. I’m not going anywhere.”

Her smile was soft but radiant as she leaned in, brushing her lips against your cheek. For a moment, the world outside faded, leaving just the two of you, wrapped in quiet comfort.

[ottersandfandoms]

Full Analysis/breakdown of the asmodous crystal exchange because the episode broke me and this is how I cope. Warning: long

So the first shot we have is Stolas sitting on his bed in apprehension, then Blitz jumps up on the balcony. Blitz starts the night off like any other, bringing out his bag of sex toys and just speaking in an unworried manner. Yet we have the sad music playing in the background that lets us know this is temporary. It’s NOT a normal night. Stolas knows this too and he’s just quietly watching.

Stolas finally speaks and he stutters at the beginning. This is really happening. He disregards all the other things Blitz brought and instead just asks for the book.

This is when Blitz first starts noticing something is up. We see a quick shot of his smile dropping. He was all worried about Stolas getting bored of him earlier and wanting the book back and now he began to actually think those fears are being proven true. Even if he doesn’t admit it, Blitz has a big fear of not being wanted and just pushed aside, like he has been for most of his life. 

So when Stolas admits he needs the book back Blitz panics. His fears are true. He begins to hurriedly speak and makes excuses. This book is his livelihood and the reason for his jobs so it makes sense why he is scared of losing it. He leans in and tries to initiate sex. It works every time with Stolas so why wouldn’t it work now? Stolas begins to grow sad. He does want to have sex with Blitz. But he knows that would be unfair so he gets up.

Blitz is terrified. He desperately begs Stolas for the book. Blitz is being put in a vulnerable situation and he doesn’t like it. His whole life could be destroyed if he can’t keep his business afloat. He wouldn’t be able to support himself and couldn’t support Loona. He would “do anything” to keep it.

But then Stolas shows him the crystal. Stolas presents it to him in a happy tone. He tries to be happy and hopeful even though he is clearly still very worried. Maybe everything will be ok. Maybe Blitz will reciprocate Stolas’s feelings and everything will be great.

Blitz thinks Stolas is joking. He doesn’t understand why Stolas would do this. Now his job is safe but his relationship with Stolas is not. His deepest fears are being proven once more. 

He’s not good enough.

He goes into this state of wanting to please.

When Blitz was a child, his dad clearly saw Blitz as the weakling compared with Fizz. And no matter how much Blitz tried to prove himself, it was never enough. “I can do better” is almost juvenile in its phrasing. A desperate plea and promise that might diffuse the situation. Blitz reverts back to his childlike self where he was always last choice and flung aside like he didn’t matter. Imagine how many times he said that exact sentence to his father.

Stolas explains. Stolas actually does a good job of saying what he wants. He is clear and to the point, emphasizing asking what Blitz wants. During Stolas’s speech, Blitz glances back and forth at the crystal, trying to make sense of what’s happening  and then at Stolas. Because he does want to stay. He likes Stolas. If he didn’t care, he would've taken the crystal and left, but he didn’t and chose to stay. Stolas finally just finishes his speech by confessing his feelings. He says them in a frantic way; he is putting himself out there but there is hope there too. 

Blitz thinks he’s joking. Of course he would be. Why could Stolas actually seriously care for him? How could Stolas care for him? The only possible explanation has to be that Stolas is joking. So he puts on a roleplay because he thinks it’s what Stolas wants. He refuses to accept there may be something more.

Stolas takes this as a mocking rejection. His hope has been squashed. Stolas is so used to being mocked that he immediately takes Blitz’s ‘roleplay’ as Blitz making fun of him. Stolas has been mocked by the people, the other Goatia, Stella. Blitz is just another one to add to the list.

He accepts the supposed rejection and walks away. Blitz now realizes he wasn’t joking. He is legitimately surprised that Stolas would want anything true with him. Blitz has this worldview of nobody truly wanting him; finding him useful, sure, but actually wanting him…that would be impossible. Stolas’s confession is a stark blow to that worldview and it makes sense why Blitz needs time to accept this.

This is where Stolas makes his mistake, he doesn’t give Blitz time to think through this. He takes Blitz’s confusion as rejection, not stopping to consider that Blitz is just as scared as he is. His hope is now totally gone. Both Stolas and Blitz are eerily similar in their fears. They both just want to be wanted but where Stolas shrinks away in sadness, Blitz lashes out.

And that's exactly what Blitz does now. And he doesn’t stop.

He doesn’t want to deal with his own hurt feelings so he instead blames it all on Stolas, to hide the fact that he may be blaming it on himself. The thing is, most of what Blitz says is true. Stolas repetitively called him a plaything and ‘little imp’ so it makes sense why Blitz doesn’t fully believe him. Blitz has always been the inferior one in his relationships. With Fizz, With Verosika, with Stolas, with countless demons. This has caused him this inferiority complex that he can’t escape. 

Blitz has tears in his eyes and he is truly breaking down. He has spent so long trying to convince himself that Stolas doesn’t care and now suddenly he does? He still hasn’t actually accepted that Stolas cares for him. He can’t accept that and that makes it all more painful. It has to be some lie or game and he is begging Stolas to stop playing. To stop complicating things because that will force Blitz to think about how he feels.

"Let's go!"

Blitz fully expects Stolas to yell back. he is so used to being in arguments where the other person will lash back as well. And Blitz almost wants this. He believes he deserves it.

But Stolas doesn't...

Instead he takes Blitz sceaming the wrong way. You see this heartbreaking scene of Stolas starting to cry. Stolas has spent his whole life being told to be quieter, be more controlled, less emotional. Him crying in front of someone, rather than alone really emphasizes the hurt he is feeling. And then there is of course the most heartbreaking line: “I didn’t realize you think so low of me”.

Everyone thinks low of Stolas. He is the “pathetic” Goatia prince who is constantly scoffed at and bullied. Blitz was his escape from all of that, but now he believes Blitz thinks the same as everyone else.

But Blitz DOESN’T think low of Stolas. He thinks low of himself. 

Blitz realizes he fucked up. He went too far and hurt Stolas.

He realizes that Stolas misinterpreted what he said because Blitz was never really talking about Stolas, he was talking about his own feelings. We can see Blitz actually try to reach out to Stolas. He needs to let Stolas know that he doesn’t think that. You can hear him start to say “I’m sorry-” but as he’s saying that Stolas portals him away. 

Blitz “What the fuck” perfectly encapsulates his feelings. He doesn’t understand what happened but he knows that he messed up. Blitz needs to let Stolas know that he actually cares about him and apologize for what he said and Stolas needs to understand that Blitz needs some time.

Blitz never once said that he doesn’t care, only that he doesn’t believe Stolas can.  

[bellewintersroe]

Joe Liebgott x Reader

You and Joe are ‘best friends’ that occasionally mess around… Joe’s feelings are revealed to you when he defends you from a rather nasty D-company soldier.

“Yeah D-day was a whole new level of crazy.” I agreed with the conversation that was occurring in the British pub. It was late, everybody had drunken more than a few beers and somehow the topic circulated back to war. It was never a good mix, alcohol and such traumatic conversations. I crossed my legs, taking a sip from my wine, only glancing up again when I heard the soft laugh of a man from D company who’d joined in on the conversation.

“What would you know about it?” He was laughing at me. The question was something I was used to, it seemed the men sometimes forgot us field nurses did more than just stay back in England- which on its own was an accomplishment, but I wouldn’t let mine go forgotten.

“More than you think.” My brows raised in amusement, I’d dealt with this hundreds of times before. “Here’s a girl, what can’t be more than 20? Telling me she knows all about Normandy.” He laughed, nudging his buddies.

“She does. She was there.” Joe spoke from besides me, responding to the man as though it was obvious. I felt my heart swell at Joe butting in, shutting this guy up. We were nothing more than what seemed to be fuck buddies- but my feeling argued otherwise.

“You? Out at Normandy? You can’t even lift a pint, girl, nevermind carry a grown man.” The comment caused a sense of anger like no other to trigger inside me. Men being surprised we nurses were capable of such strenuous work was understandable. But disbelieving and shaming me? That was a step too far. Just as I opened my mouth to snap back a response, another voice cut me off.

“Oh fuck.” Joe borderline laughed, sliding his pint carelessly onto the bar. “Don’t you speak to her like that.” The laughter died out fast, clearly he was pissed. He answered before I could, I didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing, considering this had been an issue before where he’d physically fought a man for me- I didn’t want to see that again.

“Oh what, Liebgott, are you her boyfriend now or somethin’?” The man attempted to laugh again. My mouth fell slightly agape, attempting to place a hand on Liebgotts arm.

“So what if I was?” Joe scraped his chair back, walking past me, daggers formed on this other guys stupid face. Oh great. “Joe, sit down.” I muttered but he waved his hand slightly towards me, anger obvious seeing as the vein had began to bulge out of his neck. His chest was puffed and he began speaking again.

“What’s it to do you with you, huh? Last I heard you didn’t even make it out the plane.” People had started to take notice now, attempting to hush Liebgott and his harsh responses.

“That’s none of your fucking business!” The man now stood up in return, clearly aggravated by Liebgott’s comment. “Joe!” I exclaimed, knowing I’d have absolutely no input on what the outcome of this would be. My heart was in my chest, fearing what would soon follow.

“Watch your fucking mouth then, talking about shit you don’t have a fucking clue about.” Joe spat back, several pairs of hands attempting to pull him back. Out of nowhere, the man reached forwards, pushing Joe back. It was as though he expected it, barely moving too far, and instead springing back and bounding forwards, fist colliding with the man’s jaw with a horrendous crack. Drinks went flying and men jumped in to try break apart the sudden outburst.

I gasped in shock, sliding off my barstool in order to not get caught up in the chaos. Limbs were flying everywhere, body’s pushing to either get involved or get a view of the fight. “Hey, Y/n.” Guarnere tugged me out of the way, thankfully, I was too stunned to move otherwise, trapped by multiple bodies surrounding me. I felt sick, guilty, overwhelmed. I was so powerless in a situation I felt I could’ve diffused. Liebgott would jump into a fight for me, but I didn’t understand why. We weren’t exactly together.

A quick exhale escaped my lips as I scurried out, away from the crowded pub, struggling to manoeuvre my way through the nosy crowd. Being here with Liebgott in the first place was a mistake. I was so stupid, so so stupid, and so was he. I shoved the door open, scurrying out into the chilly autumn breeze, wrapping my arms around my front in an aid to protect my bare skin.

I felt like crying, not only was I humiliated, but I was reminded how much I really fucking was in love with Joe. I hated myself for catching feelings for him, so badly. As my feet hit the pavement I heard the door slam open followed by rowdy noise that was soon drowned out when it shut again.

“Hey!” Joe called out. I huffed, looking up to the sky and continuing with my quickened pace. “Hey! Y/n, wait!” He jogged up to me quicker than I’d expected. “Wait up.” He let out a gentle laugh, thinking this was all some big joke.

“Leave me alone, Joe.” I spoke as he held onto to my arm gently, causing me to pause in the middle of the road, facing him directly. “Are you ok?” He asked seriously now, lip slightly bloodied and busted from where he’d caught a punch. Joe didn’t hesitate to pull off his blazer, wrapping it over my shoulders. “Fuck that guy, y’know. You’re way better than him.” He muttered as he tugged it further down my shoulders. I hated the way my stomach fluttered, my heart was beating way too fast and I didn’t have the willpower in me to shrug his blazer off.

“I know.” I responded, blinking back down to the ground. “Good.” He nodded. “Joe, you didn’t have to get hurt for me.” I sighed out, gazing back over to his face.

“I’d knock out anybody who spoke to you that way.” My breath became caught in my throat as I turned away from him once more. “What, what is it?” He taught on quick. My jaw was tight and I slowly peeled the blazer back off.

“Joe we can’t sleep together anymore.”

“What? Why?” He seemed stunned as I held out his blazer. “No, keep it- what? What makes you say that?” His voice genuinely sounded disappointed, hurt, confused?

“I-I don’t know, Joe.” I lied.

“Was it the fight cos I swear I-”

“Joe, no-”

“- I won’t do that again, I didn’t mean to scare you-”

“No it’s not tha-”

“- I won’t do it again! I’m sorry, dammit!” The two of us spoke over one another, only shutting up at his curse. “I won’t do that again, y/n, I’m sorry. I-I never expected you to get scared.”

“Im not scared of you, Joe. Im scared that you got hurt.” I felt tears beginning to brim my eyes.

“Im fine, you should see the other guy.” He now reached out, nudging the blazer in my hand back towards my body. “I don’t care about the other guy, I care about you! God damn it, Joe. Why are you so blind?” I burst into tears, stuffing his blazer back onto his arm as I completely turned away, beginning to walk. He stood for a moment, stunned before following me.

“Hey, hey, c’mon. Talk to me, baby.” There he was with his pet names, the stupid ones that had me so weak in the knees. His blazer was quickly wrapped over my shoulder, arm hugging me close as he walked slowly beside me. I was mortified that I’d just started crying like that, wiping my tears quickly and swallowing any other urges to cry quickly away.

“I’m fine, I’m not hurt. Did he hurt your feelings?” Joe muttered again. “No.” I pathetically sighed, feeling the admission burning heavy on my chest. The words were on the tip of my tongue, threatening to be spilt.

“Then I don’t understand, Angel, c’mere.” He attempted to hug me close. “No! We can’t do this anymore, Joe!” I desperatly spoke, pulling backwards. “Y/n?” He blinked in confusion. “I can’t do this anymore, I can’t sleep with you anymore! It’s killing me, Joe.”

“Y/n…” he repeated, much softer this time, brows furrowed and lips parted as he watched me through my distress. “I love you, Joe. I do, and I hate it.” There it went. Clearly, he was stunned, eyes widening as he stuttered a little.

“You hate it? Why?” He slowly asked as I sighed, continuing my walk. “Dammit, y/n, just stop walking away and speak to me!” He tugged at my arm, standing closer to me.

“You love me?” He asked in borderline disbelief. “Don’t rub it in, Joe.” I wiped at my eyes. “No, you fucking love me.” He commented again as I sniffled out, attempting to turn away until he tilted my face back to look at him.

“It’s a good thing, huh, doll?” He breathlessly spoke, stepping closer to me so our bodies stumbled backwards slightly. I didn’t know where he was going with his words, I’d already accepted the rejection. “Yeah, it’s a good thing I fucking love you too, huh?” His hand held under my chin, smiling at the slight gasp that escaped my mouth.

“I really fuckin’ love you.” He added on, moving down and pressing his lips firmly against mine. Holy shit. My surprise was unexplainable. Our teeth almost clashed from how strongly he was kissing me, Joe held me a little tighter than all the other times, pushing his jawline forwards to eagerly kiss me.

Who would’ve thought all this would come out of a stupid fight, huh?

[vnards]

Bear!Price Pt 8

Price’s week has been great. Ever since his lesson with you, he can’t seem to get you off his mind. He finds himself making his list of groceries longer, just to have an excuse to come see you.

And you seem brighter too.

When John brings you flowers during a shift, the heat on your cheeks warm his heart. He vows to always make you smile like that. He’s not ready to tell you that, of course. The last thing on his mind is how he’s going to tell you he’s the beast you met before. Twice as large as he is now, covered in thick, brown fur, and ferocious teeth ready to maul. The first time in the forest was an unexpected situation with a pleasant outcome, John will keep it this way.

As he walks back to the ranger’s house after dealing with a shooting complaint, he notices a new car parked outside. It send him on alert until the wonderful scent calls to him.

He walks in and sees you perusing the walls of maps and factorials. In the seconds it takes you to notice him, he’s able to drink you in in a quiet moment, lost to knowledge. He makes a note to take you to the museum soon.

“John,” You smile at him and he can’t help from pressing his lips against yours in greeting. “I brought you something.”

He didn’t notice in his distraction, but you carry a large tub of something. It smells sugary sweet. Different from your own, but still sweet and buttery.

“Cookies?”

You hand him the tub and rub the back of your neck in a nervous tick he’s picked up on. My girl made me a gift

He doesn’t even question what kind they are, simply takes it and pops the lid open to take a bite. Oatmeal.

“They’re wonderful, Honey.” You once shared your love of baking. Price’s rumbles are quiet as he finishes his cookie you made for him. “Thank you.”

He leans down to kiss you once more, thankful for your attention. “I tried a different recipe this time,” You smile and he’s at ease. He goes to rest his head against your shoulder for a moment when he shocks still.

He smells something under your scent. Someone. It’s sharper, made to be uninviting. Someone’s touched you. The beast under his skin chuffs.

You notice his tension, “Is everything okay?”

Price decides in the few moments he has how he wants to play this. If he wants you to question why his nose is as good as it is. He smiles to diffuse your worry. “Everything’s fine.”

He escorts you to the ranger’s desk, letting you sit for a moment. “Take a seat, I’d love for you to stay and I can take you home.”

You relax, “I can’t tonight, I picked up an extra shift to help the new hire. He’s very nice. I think you’d like him.”

His hands come to caress your hair for a moment, watching the pleased content in your features that have him at your beck and call. It distracts him from the scent on your skin. For a moment.

You miss the twitch in Price’s eye.

The beast is becoming restless, wanting to seek out this offender. But Price held his ground. It means nothing, the touch. Probably an accident if John thinks for a few more minutes. And that’s what he settles on. Just an accident. It doesn’t stop him for wanting to rage, but its something he can accept.

You break him from his thoughts, “I simply wanted to stop by before I go into the store.” Price takes pride in granting him your attention. As you stand, you kiss him on the cheek, “I’ll text you when I’m off.” You let him know.

He smiles and nods and escorts you out to your car. Watching you drive away for a moment before he returns back inside. He grabs another cookie, trying to distract himself once again, but the cookie crumbles under his barely contained rage.

<-previous part next part -> masterlist

[wetcatspellcaster]

You do a great job in AHL of acknowledging the magic system of the game without using game-y words like spell slots or leveling up. It’s got good narrative balance! That said, do you pay attention to magic systems in fantasy? Do you have any works that either bugged you or impressed in how the magic system is done? I’m working on a story and I’m getting mired in making the magic coherent, when it started out as a romantic little fairy tale retelling!

I hate that when people ask me about things on here, my answer seems to always be "I wrote my thesis on-", as if I expect people need to have a thesis before they ever enjoy or appreciate a concept in fiction (they don't, I'm just not normal about my interests.)

Anyway, anon... you'll never fucking guess what my master's thesis was about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))

Yes, I do pay attention to and have a lot of thoughts about magic systems. Magic is what tends to define fantasy as a genre, and while there's a lot of pop cultural discussion and theorising of magic (Brandon Sandersons whole ethos, for instance) academic discourse tends to not talk about it, because they prefer magic be "numinous" and indefinable, and see books with systematised magic as hallmarks of like... commercialised fantasy (bc of D&D's impact on the genre, in fact! You'll never guess what got me interested in my PhD topic!!!)

I have kind of moved on from what I analysed in my master's, but I think for me what makes a good magic system isn't necessarily the number of rules or systems or structures or practices you have, but how well your magic and it's rules and its writing help with the suspension of disbelief.

Fantasy functions on suspended disbelief - all fiction does, to some extent. Fanfic does too, right? Bc you need the characters to be written believably enough to believe this new scenario about them. But fantasy asks for a slightly higher buy in from its reader, by being about the impossible.

Magic is one of those impossible things, and the thing the fantasy relies on readers to buy into most often. Some people want that impossible thing to seem bounded and systematised, to make it more believable to them, and that's how "hard" magic systems happen. Some people don't care bc they just enjoy the aesthetics magic allows you to access (Faerie being the most obvious example) or they want to live in a world where magic is real - soft magic systems. Sometimes the magic feels so unreal that it ruptures the suspension of disbelief e.g. with deus ex machinas, or powers that conveniently upgrade to fit the situation and diffuse the tensions and the stakes of the plot along the way.

I think this is why writing within a D&D system is so forgiving to be honest: if people want my stuff to work mechanically, there's a whole corpus of work they can refer to to feed that desire and back up my work. If they just want to coast on vibes, they absolutely can! The game words are there unspoken in the background, for those who want them and also work as hidden rules for my own writing and thoughts, but I veer away from using them in the fic because they put people in a game. Not a piece of writing :)

And as a reader, I'm a like 95% pure fantasy and therefore always ready to buy in, so I don't tend to need a hard magic system, unless those rules produce cool plot stakes. Above all else, I just need the narrative or characters not to be undercut by it's own worldbuilding: eg. A character who has magic but also... anxiety and agoraphobia. That magic can't fix (and what can fix it magically comes at a cost).

So honestly, effective magic depends on your readership. There are many hooks to get people to believe your world, outside of rules and systems. Does the magic do cool things in the plot? Does the world feel impacted by it? Does the plot still have stakes with it there, or is it a convenient answer to every problem that diffuses the tension of your work? (This is why most magic systems tend to have a "drawback" or a finitude to them). You just have to find what you write the most believably!

However, most of you question wasn't even about this, it was about recommendations, so apologies!

In terms of books that I like the magic in:

The Broken Earth Trilogy by NK Jemisin. Check the triggers before reading this series, but it was in my thesis so I have to mention it. Jemisin createa scientific systems and terminology for her magic, but I think what makes The Broken Earth's so good is that she also think heavily through the social implications of magic's presence in her world. this is what makes her world so believable to me. There's actually two magic systems in her world (the known, quantified one and the one no one knows about) so I could talk about this trilogy for hours, but honestly it's mostly just that her world is very socially and politically impacted by the presence of the magic she wrote.

The Green Bone Saga by Fonda Lee. This series is a fascinating one in general for people interested in world building in fantasy, because the trilogy is very much about The World the author had built, not just the characters. Anyway, there's only one magic in this world, and it's a resource: jade that gives people superpowers. And only one island in the world has it. So magic becomes the entire foundation of geopolitics for a wee while. Fascinating book series honestly.

The Wicked and the Divine comic series. I've definitely talked about these before but if you want magic that is both systematised and Insane, Off the Charts on just COOL FUCKING VIBES, then this is for you. What if creativity and inspiration was divine, in every generation?

The Serpent Gates by AK Larkwood. This is a multiversal series, so what's cool about magic is it's localised to different dimensions. Everyone's feelings and definition of magic is different as a result, but anyone can accrue power across dimensions and this breeds a magic system that's kind of like warlocks and their patrons. Would recommend this duology for any fans of seeing how systematised magic becomes naturalised in practice (mostly by having a non-magical protagonist), or just people who like D&D!

Terry Pratchett's witches books are a good example of how suspension of disbelief doesn't always rely on pseudoscientific language. Do the people reading your books know stories? You can probably use that.

Deeplight by Frances Hardinge. I know I've talked about this book. This is a good example of a magic that both has rules but defies explanation (yay eldritch horror rules) so if you want to see something that coasts mostly on vibes but seems like it doesn't this is a good shout.

Uprooted and Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik. I'm not as fond of these as I used to be but Uprooted was also in my thesis so... anyway. These use tropes as believability. They rely on codified academic wizardly and homely witchcraft (see Pratchett above) and then the language/rules of fairy tales to create a magic system that is believable. Spinning Silver is particularly good at this bc someone's real life, literal skill (turning things to gold as a money lender) becomes their magical skill, through that power of knowing and understanding fantasy

I'm sure there's more examples, but I've yapped a lot, my storygraph has failed to match my freak and has died on me, and it's quite late here.

So... I hope this was useful lmao.

[billiuspendragon]

Comparing Saiki K and MP100

Saiki K and Mob Psycho are pretty similar since they're both comedies that comment on the shonen genre (or anime in general) in some way. I think their main difference is that Saiki K exaggerates and ridicules these tropes, while Mob Psycho subverts them.

Saiki, as a protagonist, is very detached from his own setting. This means that he can be self aware, and comment on the tropes and cliches as they are happening. The "cliche baseball chapter" is a great example of this, where Saiki has to try and make a baseball game go along with sports-anime cliches in order to make sure they win the game. He understands that he is in an anime, and interacts with the world around him with this knowledge always in mind.

Mob Psycho is a little different, because Mob isn't aware that he is in an anime. Instead, the story subverts expectations by leading you to believe that you know what will happen and then changing tack last minute. We expect season 1 to end with the child protagonists beating the villains in a big fight -- but this expectation is subverted when an adult enters the scene and completely diffuses the situation, keeping the kids from being further hurt and berating the villains for picking on people younger than them. It's like a wake-up call for both the villains and the audience, as we suddenly realise that yeah, that is ridiculous. Why are they picking on children?

A trait that both Mob and Saiki share is that they are both powerful beings who feel alienated from other people. They both repress their emotions and see themselves as monsters. The difference is that while Mob craves connection and popularity, Saiki wishes for seclusion, and to slide under the radar. In a way, Saiki's detachment from the narrative can be seen as symbolic of his detachment from other people.

Friendship is very healing for both characters. Saiki learns that he really is human enough to connect with other people, and Mob gains confidence and support. I think another difference is that to the audience, it is obvious from the beginning that Mob really is just a child who isn't monstrous at all, while Saiki's nature as a self-aware protagonist allows him to lie to the audience, convincing us that he is as uncaring as he pretends to be.

If I were to choose between the two shows, I'd say that Mob Psycho does a more subtle job of subverting expectations, and that it is more satisfying to watch than Saiki K. On the other hand, I really appreciate the clever use of metaphors in The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, and the way the self-awareness works its way into the plot. While it is a funny and unserious anime, it holds up surprisingly well when you analyse it seriously. I would highly recommend both of these shows.

[444you]

ways i maintain a cozy life 🦋

i hope you guys can find something in this post that could be helpful(:

heating blankets

provides me so much comfort & warmth. i have it on the entire day 😭 either on low or high, no inbetween

music

i personalized made my own playlist, i put the most whimsical and feminine music i could find. i recommend to listening to comforting songs as well, but not the ones that make you feel a bit sad

baking

always at my happiest when i bake

comfort shows

the shows i tend to watch are pretty little liars, girlfriends, desperate housewives, gossip girl, the vampire diaries, bad girls club, sex and the city

however sometimes the drama can get to me, if it’s too much. i forget i’m not in the show sometimes. for those moments, i’ll put shows like h2o, the summer i turned pretty, barbie life in the dreamhouse, and new girl on.

showers before sleep

i feel so relaxed in water. this includes swimming, showers, beach, pools, and etc. it provides me a great amount of comfort and sleepiness. this helps me sleep better than usual

taco bell

isn’t always the healthiest but if i need some comfort or i’m just feel down, i’ll get a cravings box from taco bell

visuals

put things in ur room that make you feel at peace especially if you’re a homebody. this is important if you spend most of your time in your room. for me, i always loved baking as i previously mentioned. so i’d get a diffuser with gourmet scents. fairy lights as well. cheetah print blankets.

rain

whenever it rains i’ll sit on the patio, put my headphones on and listen to music to recharge.

nostalgia apps

i tend to lead to games or apps that give me nostalgia. this includes wattpad, tumblr, moviestarplanet, purple place (they got in the app store 🫶🏾) , roblox, or episode. 

public places

when it comes to going to the grocery store, mall, or coffee shop. i’ll go alone especially because i spend my time in my room. when the noise is too much, i’ll put my shows or music on. however, i try to go on a movie date with my friend atleast once or twice a month.

reminders

i’m a very optimistic person but i’m also very sensitive. when i encounter negative people or situations, i tend to get discouraged easily. i solve that by watching “hopecore” or “humans are cute” videos on tiktok. i always try not to feed into my sadness by looking at videos about being mistreated or an ex. i search for videos that talk about having a big heart is a gift. how the right one will come to me. honestly for any situation you’re in.

just dance

y’all don’t come for me. just dance is my holy grail. it’s fun and its my way of doing “cardio”

naps

i try to nap after work or classes before i tend to get low energy. i don’t nap more than 2 hours, that way i feel more refreshed instead of drained.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2025-01-06

Damn that last Monday of the week really barely got in under the wire.

Listening: Among other things kind of going through a bunch of popular songs and albums from the past year to see like. What I missed, which has included me introducing my partner to Guess from Brat by Charli xcx.

Brat is a good album, despite Brat Summer not actually being a real thing.

Watching: Ended up going to Nosferatu (2024) with the partner and a friend after their other movie companion bailed. Damn they really did file the serial numbers off Dracula with this thing huh. I have never seen Original Nosferatu.

This is a very good looking movie, and it manages to mostly retain some of my favourite bits of Dracula-ness like the protagonists generally getting along remarkably well given the situation. Friedrich is a little antsy for much of it but it's for a good reason and it pays off well with his Mina situation.

The shots in this movie are all... weirdly smooth. Every single shot feels like it's on an ultra-filtered dolly-crane move. It turns out it was shot on film so I guess it probably was, no one wants to handhold a film camera. It lends it a slightly strange air, lots of big long dramatic camera moves but also in situations where you'd really expect a shaky handheld shot it holds rock solid, to the point that I genuinely burst out laughing at a perfectly stable shot of knock-off Jonathan hoofing it down a street.

The steady camera doesn't do the composited backgrounds and effects any favours, some of the backgrounds are really obviously painted in. Weird choice! Some interesting BTS stories about shooting though. And it was shot around Prague, so that's fun.

It's good! You should check it out. Very different opinions on how sexy Nosferatu is from me and my friend. I would fuck that old man (bill skarsgard in so so so much makeup and a huge moustache).

Playing: Nothing really! Been busy unpacking and [REDACTED]

Reading: Finished The Apocalypse of Herschel Schoen by @nostalgebraist which is one of those things that gets its hooks into you. I think it makes its case well, which is basically "even if GenAI is going to take over the world, that might actually be great for the abstract moral state of the universe". I love an extremely disconnected look at humanity.

I do adore Miriam's chapters. She's meant to be this everyman narrator with no personality but she's so weird.

I gotta go read The Northern Caves and Almost Nowhere. I read Floornight a while ago and then just. forgot I guess.

the On Raven chapter intro to Herschel really heavily informs how I saw him for the rest of the book. He's kind of someone who thinks anything should be possible because anything else would be too sad to imagine. You can kind of take this two ways I think, one more literal that is explored more heavily in the story, and another as sort of. I guess the feeling of what it must be like to be a noise diffusion algorithm. You start out with this infinite possibility of random noise and it is slowly hacked up into likely meaning.

It's on AO3! Go read it!

Making: Nothing really! See Playing.

Tools and Equipment: Do Not Fucking Use CentOS Stream In Applications Where You Very Clearly Want RedHat Compatiblity, For The Love Of God.

[focsle]

Once again I am misled by recommendations and rottentomatoes reviews into thinking horrors are going to be Good…and my toxic trait is I think I have objectively good taste. Watched Barbarian last night. Didn’t like most of it. Spoilers below.

I think when I feel most critical of films is when they’re really good in the beginning and then deflate themselves. I thought the first third of Barbarian was SO creepy. It built the tension so well, I was really invested in learning more about Tess and Keith as characters, and had a really good way of balancing the anxiety of the situation. The premise of the house was super disturbing too. But after the first act everything else was a mistake.

Killing Keith, shifting the perspective to making Insufferable-Heavy-Handed-Parody-of-Toxic-Masculinity-Character AJ a main character who’s introduced 1/3rd the way through, and basically making Tess secondary to him was all a mistake.

Keith was a red herring that worked really well in building the opening tension, but was also clearly a red herring. I think it would’ve been more interesting that as the red herring died away, the horrors of the house being discovered together by Tess and Keith (as the film did a good job at building investment in their dynamic) would’ve been just…more engaging from a character standpoint. I think AJ served a function, but he sucked, and overemphasizing him as a main character was trash. I went from telling Tess not to go in rooms, to not giving a shit at all about the scary basement because I did not care about AJ, I didn’t care if he died, I wasn’t scared for him, and he just had like…..no substance. It’s crazy how the premise that I thought was so scary at the beginning literally meant nothing to me when he was the one in the tunnels.

Suddenly shifting the tone for the last 2/3rds to be a horror comedy also did not work for me. I feel like it was trying to replicate the artistry of Peele and his skill in blending horror and comedy seamlessly, but it didn’t know how to do it well. Peele has an understanding of tone, ramping of tension, and diffusal, as well as creating characters that you care about that like…didn’t exist here.

And I love horror as social commentary. I think horror is at its best when it’s a social commentary. But this film literally spoonfed it to you. The script spelled out every second ‘This Is About Toxic Masculinity And The Hypervigilance Women Have To Have Over Stranger Danger In This Society’ in a way that had no subtlety. It was a big eyeroll. It’s like how I more or less quite enjoyed the 2021 Candyman and thought it did some really great things, but also there were times when a character would just…Look at the camera and Define Gentrification. Or at the end of Block Island Sound where there was an unnecessary voiceover of the main character being like THIS IS THE POINT BTW. I feel like it happens a lot lately. Horror as social commentary works best, I think, when you give the viewers some credit to see your thesis statement without having to spell it out. Or are viewers just dumb? Do most people need things spelled out? Have we just become dumber at following narrative themes? IDK MAN it makes me kind of mad.

Anyway. It was so good and then it was so schlocky and disappointing.

[barrenclan]

IM GOING TO GET SO TITLED AT THE TOWERS /ref

yep!! no change on cootstorm being a piece of shit!! imaging a teen telling u he doesn’t want to date a baby and u decide to stop teaching him. i hope she dies so i can edit her with the grimace shake

the fact that they can see the distant lush prairies but they choose to stay because of their long gone kin sucks???? like not in a bad writing way, but in a i feel bad for these kitties way :(( its not ur fault what happened :(( u shouldn’t live in pain just for the mistakes of a dead cat :((

IS MEADOWKIT GON BE OK?? :((( IM SO HAPPY CORMORANTPAW VISITED BC OF HIS PARENTAL TRAUMA AND STUFF BC NOW HE GETS TO SEE KITS THAT R GONNA BE TREATED LIKE KITS (HOPEFULLY, IF COOTSTORM BACKS UP) BUT… BABEY PLS BE OK.. I KNOW UR NOT GONNA KILL KITS BUT I CAN STILL BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE PARADITE

i want to punch beeface in the face. daffodilpaw has been a blorbo i’ve related to since day once u don’T SAY THAT TO THE ME FR!!!!!! BEEFACE IS GUILT TRIPPING HER ABOUT THE BABIES IM GOING TO BITE HER AND SHAKE HER AROUND AND PUT HER IN A BLENDER!!!!!!!!! AND THE FACT THAT SHE RAISES HER PAW AND DAFFODILPAW IMMEDIATELY COVERS HER FACE SCARES ME BECAUSE THAT IMPLIES THAT SHE IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT BEEFACE WAS GONNA HIT HER WITH IMPLIES THAT THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME AND AGAAGAHAHHAGRRHEAHVAGRJRGRJRJRKSSNNR

slugpelt is best mom omg. she’s redeemed so much she cares about her kids im gonna sob fkejdkd. go kick beeface’s ass!!!!! she cares about her kiddos (daff specifically rn) so muccch. big mama bear ready to throw hands but willing to soften for daffy…

redpelt being able to stand up and diffuse the situation (before slugpelt threw hands) was so cool to see!! she’s trying she’s getting better she wants to help she wants to be a good deputy GRRRR

i want to fistfight plumstripe too actually. the fact that she looked at beeface guilttripping daffodilpaw before narrowly being unable to physically harm her with a smack(?) and then turned to asphodelpaw (the sister of the victim of the situation) and instead of being supportive she just?? used it as a way to better herself?? this is not the time daffodilpaw could have been HURT PHYSICALLY. AND POTENTIALLY COULD HAVE BEEN FOR AWHILE!!! i’m going to put plumstripe in the blender too i’m having plum and bee smoothies

sorry this is a little more chaotic (and violent) than usual. this is a good issue!!!!!! family hug :3

Just your daily confirmation that Cootstorm still sucks! More at 10.

Unfortunately the whole comic is about paying for the mistakes of your ancestors in an eternal cycle of punishment and misery. :( Not fun.

YEAH Beeface is. Not great in this issue. The fact that Daffodilpaw covers her face as Beeface raises her paw... yes, I do think Beeface is the type of person to use corporal punishment from time to time. The kind of "a good smack around the head will get you thinking straight" person. Hopefully Slugpelt being a good mom took away some of that sting, though, I liked writing her in this issue a lot.

Plumstripe's discipline of choice revolves a lot more around subtle emotional manipulation, I don't think she'd ever get her paw dirty with anything more than a shove. But she certainly doesn't make Asphodelpaw feel good about herself much.

NEVER apologize for sharing feelings in your asks. I love them!!

[candlelightreader]

I am currently on a Jane Eyre bender, having watched every single adaptation since 1943 (I couldn't find 1934 or prior) in the last two weeks, and I have a lot of thoughts! But two thoughts are at the very top:

a) This piece of literature has had a TV or feature adaptation practically every decade, sometimes more, since the 1910s (and I'm only counting British and American version) and is we're due one this decade. Bring it on! I'll take a series after 2011, but hey 2006 is great already so maybe we just need another film? Or just give us the 2011 director's cut, you cowards!

b) (and this is the bigger point for today) I cannot explain to myself why, while I find age gaps intolerable in real life and especially in modern times, I really can't see it (and forget about it even) in Jane Eyre--for the most part. It doesn't truly bother me that she's barely 18 and Rochester 20 years older. Not even when you take into account the kind of life he led before he meets her and the added major power imbalance in their situation as boss/employee.

I mean, I have come to understand that the power imbalance given the norms at the time is the reason he brings in Ingram to try to get her to admit her feelings. He can't come outright and ask her for fear of appearing like a cad and stepping over the line if she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. At the same time, she can't ask him plainly because if she is wrong about his feelings, she'll only be the cliché governess who comes on to her boss and probably have to leave the very nice job and first refuge she ever had. So they are both at an impasse.

(I choose here to take at face value the idea that Bertha is truly mad and not driven mad and that the whole thing is tragedy because he's unable to divorce her. It's its own rant to discuss what she may represent or what the truth may be with her. Also noting that the age gap is only problematic because she's a teenager and he's basically middle-aged. If they had met later, at least nearer 25 for her, then it wouldn't be the same, although it really only stops being concerning after about 29, right?)

Anyway, I come back to the fact that I feel bothered that I am not that bothered that they have such gap. Because the other imbalances (wealth and employment status) adjust themselves eventually, but not age; he remains older and she younger. Is it because in the very specific context they are in they are equal in spirit and each really have something to teach the other? Or perhaps the time period? Because I definitely feel I would have an issue with the story if it was set in the 21st century, only because an 18yo today is not in any way the same as one in the mid 19th century.

She also has a superior self-awereness to her, given her life experiences that he lacks when they meet. He just has to first be humbled and taken down notches to get to her level. In that sense, he is no more mature for having lived longer and is stuck emotionally and perhaps mentally too in the age he was when his father and brother's died soon after his first marriage. But it remains she is a girl with absolutely no experience with men and he's a lothario who's been gallivanting the globe seducing women and being a sugar daddy.

One may say it's also because it is addressed by the characters themselves and that Rochester seems self-aware that he is much older, even at a time when many men of his station would see it as their due to get the 'young thing'. He makes remarks on his age in a way that diffuses the idea that she is blind to the potential for corruption that is there in their situation. He knows she deserves better.

But most important perhaps is that, in real life, the idea of a 38 yo and 18 yo getting together feels wrong because we have no insight into the relationship and only see the imbalance (justifiably because we know too well of the way older partners will manipulate their younger ones) no matter the gender. So the insight into Jane Eyre's mind manages to convince me of the validity of the relationship than if I was reading it as a document removed from her voice.

Jane Eyre is not the only story where I have contradictory views of age gaps. I am sure I've read other romances with gaps that don't bother me, when in real life I find it reprehensible for the most part.

Anyhow, I will certainly be looking into academic breakdowns of the couple to seek some answers, as I do.

These where thoughts I wanted to put down. Will come back later for thoughts on the adaptations.

[mirastudiesphysics]

Gravitational Lensing Notes

I've decided to finally start this series so I can share my notes as I'm working through Gravitational Lensing by Scott Dodelson. The book itself is a great read, and the goal of my notes is to "fill in the gaps". This basically means that when I see a paragraph I don't quite understand, I reword it in a way that makes sense to my brain. For equations, I fill in the steps that are left implied, so I'm not stuck next time wondering where some extra term came from. I make these notes for myself, but I am sharing them in case it's useful to see an example of how to self-study from a textbook, or if you happen to also be reading this book (hey then maybe we should make a book club).

Chapter One - Overview

Notes under the cut, because this will get long.

Remember that radians are unitless, so we expect this for an angle.

The sun lensing the positions of known stars is a unique case where the amount of lensing can be determined. This is not usually the case. How this is addressed in other situations will be explored in the rest of this chapter.

There are three types of lens/source types: point mass, a single extended source, and multiple diffuse sources.

1.1 Multiple Images

Consider now the simplest case: a point mass lensed by another point mass.

1.2 Time Delay

1.3 Magnification

Lensing conserves surface brightness (see exercise 1.3), so the flux of an object depends on its apparent size. Flux is focused onto the observer when a lens is present. Magnification is given by the ratio of lensed/unlensed size.

1.4 Microlensing

1.5 Extended Lenses

1.6 Extended Sources

1.7 Diffuse Lenses

1.8 CMB Lensing

[karikarasuno]

I love all the character Astro reads and couldn't agree more with your selection. Do you have any other characters in mind that you'll do?

and if you wouldn't mind could you do an Astro read on my big three/six :3

Scorpio sun, Sagittarius moon, Scorpio rising

Scorpio mercury, Scorpio venus, libra mars

(yes i have other characters in mind that i'll probably post later today hehe)

a scorpio stellium, huh? how does it feel being the villain in others' stories? (asking as a fellow scorpio dominant girly)

scorpio sun, love them or hate them. moody? perhaps. mean? maybe. i think scorpio suns are the new yorkers of the world. kind but not nice lmao. will and do go out of their way for the people that they love, but will also cut you off if they feel disrespected.

sagittarius moons are insightful and truth seekers. you yearn for emotional freedom and to be released from the shackles of monotony and routine. you live in the world of nuance purely because it offers you different perspectives and diversity which you really value. i think you may have a tendency to intellectualize your feelings which can sometimes make it hard for you to connect to the feeling itself. you're great at identifying an emotion, but will randomly struggle actually feeling it. i think you may suffer from delayed crash outs. "i knew i was feeling this way and i said i was feeling this way so why does it all of a sudden feel like the world is ending?" type shit.

scorpio rising is the most polarizing placement. every scorpio rising has haters and they don't even know why. and i think it's bc they live in their truth unapologetically. you're gonna tell it like it is and that's it. you value honesty and loyalty. and also as much as you hate to admit it when people don't like you you do feel a certain type of way about it. you try not to let it get to you, but its hard esp when you don't know why. you attract a lot of energy both good and bad and occasionally end up in situations you had no business or desire being in. you are a frequent victim to energy vampires so please protect your energy as best you can. bc people will absolutely drain you.

well a scorpio mercury elicits strong reactions bc they take things to a level where people are like "was it ever that serious?" and yes it was. you say exactly how you feel when you feel it and you also foster an environment for others to do the same. some people just don't like confronting things bc its not that deep (to them). but you're inquisitive and thoughtful. there's a certain care and articulation that you have with words that might be off putting for people, but for those ready to hear it they really appreciate it.

scorpio venus is my favorite placement and its not just bc im a scorpio venus lol. its bc to be loved by a scorpio venus is to be loved like no one else has ever loved before. its deep and passionate. its protective and fierce. it can have a habit of being possessive, obsessive, or jealous. but its an incredibly loyal placement. you see the love to its very end. even when people are putting you through it, it's hard to let go bc you love and care for others so intimately. which can get you into some toxic situations. heartbreak is exceptionally difficult for you bc the grief takes on its own form and you have to physically fight that bitch and i'm not kidding. but when you get through it you come out a whole new person and its just a great feeling.

libra mars individuals quite frequently visit procrastination station. lots of ideas, super creative, really good at random things. horrible at starting anything. you go back and forth between things very often. making one decision and then changing your mind. you're not a fan of confrontation. you would prefer to talk things out reasonably, but sometimes if it feels unreasonable you will avoid avoid avoid as to not be the one to have to diffuse the bomb. you probably have a hard time asserting your own boundaries esp when it comes to the people closest to you. you don't say no often bc you feel like you can't. but once you learn that peace and harmony can be found after facing the fire and putting it out, you'll find that keeping the balance of life is much easier lol

[miirshroom]

The Unreality of the Erdtree

It seems quite intentional that the Erdtree in the present is a phantom, and the physical tree burned long ago. This can be seen most clearly from Liurnia when the moon shines through the tree, as seen from the Four Belfries. Recent investigations on the utter darkness that occurs during the late night fog in Liurnia (also at the Four Belfries) has revealed that despite its bright appearance the tree is not acting as a radiant light source. If it was, then the light would have diffused through the fog. And this is confirmed by people who have examined the game files.

Some other places that I have observed the Erdrtree as transparent are on the Bellum Highway bridge into Raya Lucaria, at the location where Yura can be encountered (cloudy morning at time of observation):

In Limgrave, slight transparency seen at the back side of the Artist's Shack (standing on top of the mushroom there):

And in Caelid from the vantage point of the Nomadic Merchant (Caelid South) who sells the Champion set:

An even more radical proposal is that as an object of faith not even the gold phantom tree is visible to anyone but us, the Tarnished who can see the Guidance of Grace.

One piece of evidence for this is that Boc is excited to see the tree upon reaching Leyndell, which is an odd thing to say considering that we've always seen the tree (this point raised by the Tarnished Archaeologist on YouTube, who also goes over the evidence for the first burning of the Erdtree in his video "The 3 Creeds of the Erdtree").

This raises the question that if the Erdtree was burned long ago and the existing form is known to be an illusion, then why does no-one say anything about it - not even the non-believers? Or at least, no one starts a direct conversation about it - there are some subtle hints that we see something that no-one else does. And there are a few possible reasons why no-one talks about the Erdtree having burned before:

None of the Tarnished directly witnessed the burning. This would actually be a very good timeline marker because it would mean that the Tarnished were all sent off before it happened. When they return they see and accept the Golden Tree at first like we do, but probably at some point through the journey they one by one loose that ability and turn to disbelief. The Tarnished who survived long enough that we meet them are the ones savvy enough to realize that this is an Emperor's New Clothes situation - all of the general inhabitants of the world who remain loyal to the Erdtree are pretending that all is well with the object of their faith.

The finger-readers are blind. Were they blind before the tree was burned, or did they blind themselves so that they would not need to acknowledge that the Erdtree was burned a long time ago? Unclear. They are very insistent that burning the Erdtree is the First Cardinal sin which is either premonition or based on past events. (The finger reader at Leyndell asks "surely you see it too? The gold that enshrouds the heavens. The great tree which begets the pillars of light. " with regards to the tree. An odd statement to make if there was no doubt of the tree's existence)

The Commoners no longer have their wits (see Commoner's Headband). They would need to be witless to deceive themselves that the great glowing tree is real as if the burning never happened.

Morgott...I think he knows that the Erdtree burned and only a stump remains. I think maybe he envies the Tarnished - another being who was discarded as unworthy but is still granted grace to see the Golden Tree. He's the Emperor for whom the Commoners go through the motions of still having faith, but rather than being merely gullible like the Emperor of the story he is a ruthless tyrant who assassinates and imprisons dissidents.

As I'm familiar with the way that illusions are handled in Pathfinder 2e, disbelieving an illusion and dispelling an illusion are different actions. A perfect illusion will appear and perhaps even feel like a solid object depending on the strength of the spell, but disbelieving this illusion does not make the visual aspect disappear. It may cause the image to appear fuzzy or indistinct similar to the partial transparency of the Erdtree.

It seems to me that the Erdtree may be an illusion for the benefit of the Tarnished player that is believed or disbelieved by consensus. The stronger the faith of the people surrounding any given vantage point, the more solid it appears, but the illusion will never disappear completely for anyone as long as the Elden Ring exists. Melina "burning" the Erdtree is less of a burning of a physical object than it is of modifying the illusion or replacing it with a new one - after all the burning never progresses and consumes the tree no matter how long a player takes to defeat Radagon. It's the same for the Elden Lord endings, with each simply choosing the nature of their illusion.