#its a shame i can only find matches on easy difficulty though

[totallyseiso]

Stressful. At least I didn't realise I was the only titan left, otherwise I would've screwed things up

I love how many times Ion tried to warn me that I was outnumbered. Thanks babygirl but I very much know that

[kittenfemme27]

Bastion: What it means to truly move on.

“Someday, your bird is gonna fly.”

Bastion is the first game released by what is now the critically acclaimed Supergiant Games, makers of other games like Transistor, Pyre, and most recently Hades. But back in 2011 they were a nobody. 7 developers from various backgrounds within the industry came together to make games that could focus on storytelling first and foremost more than any of their previous studios would allow. Bastion was the result of that. Starting out from the idea of a top down isometric RPG, Supergiant realized that they wanted to portray a world that was fractured and broken, and wanted to show the vast and empty sky as a contrast to that destruction, but realized the camera angle wouldn’t allow this. So they came up with the idea that the ground would come up in front of the player as they walked forward, allowing the empty sky to show beneath them since the groundwork would not originally be laid until the player walked towards it. To explain this choice and why the world reacted this way, a destructive event known as “The Calamity” was created in the game's story. Thus, Bastion found its ethos.

Bastion’s a masterpiece. Plain and simple. It's been ported to nearly everything under the sun for a reason, being playable on literally 3 different console generations as well as every OS a PC can run, but coming back to play this game for the first time within the current political and geological climate that we find ourselves within as time goes on only makes it more and more apparent how much the story has to say. Even if you could somehow ignore it’s absolutely incredible music, insanely varied and addictive and yet delightfully simple gameplay, jaw dropping art direction and set pieces, Bastion’s storytelling is at its core and the story it has to tell is one that I think a lot of people didn’t fully appreciate back in 2011. From what I could find online, most people either ignored it in favor of the gameplay, or let the meaning of it glaze over them. And that's really, deeply a shame. Because Bastion is one of the best games I have ever played. And I’d like to talk about why.

Gameplay:

“Kid just rages for a while...”

I want to start first and foremost by talking about the gameplay and how you engage with the world. Combat in Bastion is simple and not exactly groundbreaking. An isometric hack ‘n’ slash with 2 weapon slots and a single ability, with a shield that has a parry mechanic and a dodge roll with fairly lenient invulnerability frames. Player movement is very, very slow which encourages you to very quickly become proficient in dodging and blocking. It’s fun, for sure, if just a little bit easy. But it’s nothing to write home about at first. As you play, though, you’ll begin to uncover Bastion's hidden depth and variety within its combat. A lot of that depth comes from the sheer number of Weapons, Upgrades, Passives, and Skills you can equip in any combination. 

You are given 11 weapons, each of which can be upgraded with collectibles found within the levels for a total of 5 times per weapon, and these upgrades form a loose “trees” of upgrades that you can switch between at will. You can make the Spear better at critical hits and critical damage and faster thrusts, or make it better at throwing with more spears per throw, for example. Every single weapon has a 2 distinctive upgrade “Trees” in this way that clearly make it better at one specific aspect of the weapon, but you are free to mix and match these upgrades as you see fit. Maybe you want the Spear to have a high critical hit rate, but also throw 2 spears per throw, you can do that. It’s also worth mentioning that there are no restrictions placed upon you on what type of weapons you want to take. You can take two melee weapons, or two ranged weapons, whatever combination you desire is up to you. The narrator even has a line for literally every combination you can have that you’ll hear upon exiting the armory. Some compare you to legends of yore from the game worlds past, others point out just how plain silly it is for the Kid to carry both a mortar launcher and a rocket launcher.

Each weapon also comes with two skills that you can use during gameplay, ranging from protective skills like one that makes you block all attacks for a few seconds, to damage based skills such as the Bow’s skill that fires a ricocheting arrow between enemies. Even then, there are other Skills that are tied to no weapons at all which brings the total of skills in the game to 30.

In addition, there’s the Tonic system in which each level up confers a slot that you can equip a drink from the bar, for a total of 10 at max level. These function as passives applied to your character that allow even further customization. Some are basic things you’d expect, such as overall more health, or more restoration or ability potions, a flat 15% damage resistance, and so on. A number of these however offer a very very strong benefit in exchange for a side effect. Werewhiskey, for example, gives you a 100% crit rate but only below 35% health. Doomshine offers a permanent 10% crit but takes away 10% of your health permanently. Or Leechade, which allows you to gain health from striking enemies, but makes your health potions only 1/3rd as effective. These can all be stacked upon each other in any order or combination. You choose and be changed at any point between missions..

All of these systems together enhance the very simple hack ‘n’ slash combat to be something with infinitely more depth than presented to you at first glance, and something that you can experiment with as much as you want, since no choice is permanent. Part of the way it encourages you to experiment are the Weapon Challenge missions that crop up each time you obtain a new weapon. They ask you to complete some sort of challenge related to that weapon with no Skills, no other weapons, and in some of them not even the ability to dodge or block. Besting these will net you 1 of 3 prizes, depending on how well you did, With the first two prizes being upgrade materials and the last being a Skill for the weapon the challenge is based on.

Beating Bastion unlocks a “Score-Attack” version of New Game+ that keeps a running overall score during the whole game and during stage specific score for each mission, with a multiplier and a timer to keep that multiplier up. This effectively turns the game into a leaderboard chasing isometric arcade game. Every enemy adds 1 to the multiplier, and resets the timer, so it's up to you to run through each mission as fast as possible and challenge yourself to see what kind of score you can get, and since it lets you replay any mission you want, you can always find ways to get a higher and higher score. One of my playthroughs of this game was on the PS Vita and even since beating it, I've found myself trying to one-up my own score while i’m just sitting around since each mission only takes about 10-20 minutes. The most challenging content in the game is a set of 4 different repeatable combat arena’s with 20 waves of some of the toughest enemies in the game. You can make this even harder by invoking each God within the games Pantheon and raising the difficulty of every enemy you encounter. Doing this raises how many points you get per kill, and in these combat arena’s I’ve regularly topped a million points in just a single stage from precise gameplay.

I think that’s what I find amazing about Bastion’s combat is that despite 3 playthroughs, I never once found myself bored or annoyed by any of it. All 3 of my playthroughs had me switching up Weapons, Upgrades, Skills, and Tonics between every mission just to experiment and see what crazy builds I could make. Every challenge was always a delight and a real test of skill, every mission a romp where I got to find a new weapon and play with it each time. Often, I would die, but that was fine! Losing in Bastion is fun. It’s part of the experience, because you can always go back and change your build to whatever you desire to try again. In a way, it’s fitting for the entire theme of the game. It’s the End of the world, and there are no more rules. Do whatever you’ve gotta do. Might as well have fun with it, while you do. 

Art & Sound:

“I suppose all that's left... is to try'n remember this moment.”

I think the other reason that I didn’t get bored on any of my 3 playthroughs of Bastion was the absolutely breathtaking art and music the game features. The soundtrack, composed by Darren Korb, clocks in only at an hour and while that does sometimes mean that there are repeats of songs, I'd be lying if I told you there was a single song on that score that I didn’t absolutely love. Or that I thought was out of place during any section of the game. Each and every song is its own radically different soundscape that, in songs like “Brynn the Breaker”, invokes a feeling of complete and utter destruction around you and a sense of leaning into that destruction. It’s fitting that the first time this song plays, you are almost assuredly going to hear the line “Kid just rages for awhile...” as you wreck each and every enemy and object around you after waking up on a floating rock in the sky.  Meanwhile, in other songs such as “Build that Wall”, it's clear that Supergiant was acutely aware of the impact their music could have on a scene. In Caelondia, the games world, “Build that Wall” is a jingoistic anthem meant to inspire the Cael by noting the danger they face from the outside world and from the Ura, a people who live to the east, and implores them to build walls to keep everyone else but keep themselves safe. But the first time you hear that song, you’ll be rolling through the dilapidated ruins of Prosper Bluff, a place overrun by birds ready to rip you apart and barely hanging together by literal boards between each floating island, and not a wall in sight. Guided only by the simultaneously soothing and haunting voice of an Ura girl singing the theme of the people who hate her. In that moment, it sounds much more sorrow and sad than any anthem for a nation ever could.

Darren Korb has stated that the point of Bastions music was meant to invoke a sense of the “American Frontier”, of exploring new and uncharted land, but it’s interwoven with melodic and slow moments of tragedy and despair, featuring lots of slow acoustic guitar and lots of slow vocals when there are any at all. I really cannot praise enough this choice of frontier-ism interwoven into the music itself, as it sells the entire theme of the game perfectly.

The art of the game is just as fantastic, too. Supergiant set out to make sure you could see the sky in a top down game, which sounds a little absurd and like a nearly impossible feat, and yet they succeeded with such aplomb it almost seems like it was easy. Below each stage is a blurred barrage of trees, nature, clouds, sky, sometimes ruins within those things, it reminds you constantly that the world has ended and nature has reclaimed it. Progressing further and further down the set of missions and further away from the Bastion and Caelondia sees you going more and more into what's left of those wilds and away from the ruins of civilization, before reaching the icy peaks in the east of the Ura. It creates this feeling of loss and tragedy at what's lost, a sense of exploration into this new and unknown world, before finally getting to it's cold center as you get closer to the truth of the Calamity.

In general, the art style of Bastion feels like a living breathing oil painting. Features on people are exaggerated with small bodies, yet large heads and eyes and hands or feet. Making them feel like something out of a children's book. Every single thing in the game is full of color and life, down to the animals and the foliage, with the only notable exceptions being the ruins of buildings that are oppressive and gray, and the final cold reaches of the Ura’s leftover ruins. Because of the oil painting aesthetic, the narration, even the surreality of the world coming up before you, Bastion feels a lot more like playing a fairy tale than anything else I've ever played, even things that have tried to emulate that same effect. Bastion reminds us that the presentation of a game, in both its art and its music, tell just as much about the story and the world of a game as the actual story itself does.

Story: (Spoiler Warning)

“Now here’s a kid who’s whole world got twisted, leaving him stranded on a rock in the sky.”

Bastion is a game about a lot of things, but at its heart, it’s a game about Tragedy. A tragedy you can’t prevent no matter what you do, because it has already happened. Setpieces in the game constantly remind you of this, like going through the Hanging Gardens, a place where people used to gather and finding nothing but ashen corpses. Rucks, Bastion’s narrator, will even tell you the names of these people. I remember playing this game in 2011 and being upset at this. I wanted to know about Maude the Tutor, I wanted to hear the life of Percy the Snitch, but I couldn’t. That was the tragedy. It didn’t register with me at the time, but that was the point. I was supposed to be upset I couldn’t know these people, that they died in a tragedy I couldn’t prevent. 

The core story of Bastion revolves around a war that took place some 50 odd years ago. Caelondia and her people, versus the Ura. In the modern day, before the calamity, the war was over. There was an Ura named Zulf who was trying to broker peace, even. But the Caelondian’s military-science division, the “Mancers” had a secret weapon. One they intended to use to get rid of the Ura for good. It would cause a genocide of the very land the Ura lived in and cause it to literally fall into nothing, ripping apart the physical earth where it stood before. Worse yet, this weapon was being created by an Ura inventor that lived within Caelondia named Venn under threat to his daughter, Zia. Venn couldn’t stand to aid the destruction of his people and sabotaged the weapon that ushers in the Calamity with vengeance in his heart, so that it would backfire and take Caelondia down with it. Imagine Venns shock, then, when the mancers asked him to pull the trigger.

Turns out an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Just like that, the Calamity has already happened. The Ura who were discriminated against in every part of Cael society and the racism and cycle of vengeance and violence within the Caels and the Ura reached a boiling point that caused the literal end of the world.. And that’s where you wake up. In a world already torn apart and crumbling before you. On a rock in the sky.

Tragedy permeates everything about the game. In the Hanging Gardens, you find Zulf as he’s about to kill himself after watching his Cael wife crumble to ash right before his eyes. When you meet the second survivor, an Ura singer who just so happens to be Zia, Venns daughter. She’s mournfully singing the tune of Caelondia that was the anthem used to inspire the Caels to oppress her own people, and her sweet voice sounds like the dying breath of an entire nation. Bastion makes it very clear that these people's lives as they knew them are over. But then Bastion asks you a simple question: You have to keep going, so what are you going to do with that world?

Before you get to make that choice, though, you’re asked to decide the fate of a man who hurts you. Zulf at one point reads the journal of Venn that he obtains from Zia and learns everything about the Calamity. He learns about the Mancers plan to genocide his people. He learns about Venns sabotage. Zulf spent his entire life advocating for peace between the two peoples, and this is what he’s met with. Unable to stand it, he attempts to destroy the Bastion and flees after injuring Rucks. As you chase him, he lures you far from the Bastion and sends the signal to an entire army of Ura survivors to attack the Bastion, even persuading Zia to come with him to try and convince her to abandon the Bastion. In the end, though. You chase him all the way to the heart of the Ura nation and as retaliation for bringing someone so powerful who kills so many Ura, the Ura forces attack Zulf and leave him for dead. You come across his body and are given a choice to either leave him and carry on, or take him with you and abandon your weapon. You’re asked right then and there, can you forgive someone who hurt you and your chance at fixing the world and break the cycle of violence? Or will you press on, like Venn, with vengeance in heart. If you choose to save Zulf, you walk forward with zulf on your shoulder through multiple Ura archers shooting you nearly to death. It’s only once they realize that you’re trying to save Zulf do they stop trying to attack you. This moment of compassion, this breaking of the cycle, inspires the Ura to let you pass. If you choose not to save him, you must battle an entire army, which isn’t even hard for you at that point. It’s a bloodbath. You, a Cael kid from nowhere, end the last of the Ura outside of Zia who knows so little of her culture that she can’t even read the journal her father left over. You succeed where the Mancers failed. The cycle of violence remains unbroken within you and within your heart.

You’re given two options upon returning to the Bastion at the end. You can use the power of the Bastion to reset the world to where it was before the Calamity. You’ll lose all your memories, but everyone and everything that died will be okay and alive again. There’s a risk, though. Rucks has no way of knowing if this plan will work. If it will prevent the Calamity in the end. “Problem with a machine that sets things back to a bygone time,”  he says, “Is that you can’t test it.”

Your other option is Zia’s choice, though both her and Rucks support whatever decision you make, they know it’s not an easy choice. Her plan is to turn the Bastion into a floating island ship that can travel anywhere. To forge a new world and look for survivors on other floating islands and carry on in this destroyed world and find hope within that tragedy. Make something new, and beautiful, from the ashes of something dead. Maybe that’s not possible, she thinks, but it’s better than recreating a world with institutional violence, with cycles of hate and vengeance, a world where something like the Calamity could happen in the first place.

Supergiant knew what most people would pick, though. Resetting seems like the only real choice, at first. Maybe the Calamity will happen again, maybe it won’t, but you can’t just let all those people die. The whole game has been building up to fixing the Calamity. Rucks, old and clinging to the past, is sure that resetting it will work and that things will be okay again. He’s a bit like a father figure to you, too. He’s narrated every action you took, made sure you were never truly alone in this ruinous world. So of course you trust him. An overwhelming amount of people chose to reset the world the first time they play. I did, too. I knew that maybe the Calamity would happen again, but I couldn’t just let everyone die. Maybe things would be different, I thought. Maybe this time people won’t let something like a genocide happen again. Maybe Venn won’t pull the trigger. I didn’t know, but it was better than letting everyone die, right? It had to be. I had to hope that I made the right decision. So with trepidation in my heart. I chose to reset everything.

Rucks comforts you when you choose to reset that “No matter what happens next... you done good.” Credits roll. You see pictures of the lives of each character in the reset Caelondia. The lonesome Kid continues his work as a mason on the wall built to keep the Ura out, where he isolated himself after losing everyone in his life. The only person to ever sign up for 2 tours on the Wall. Rucks continues his work on the Bastion, refining it for the future, meaning that there’s still a need for a safeguard like it in the first place. Zia plays a concert on her harp with a mournful look on her face, she found comfort in music but that comfort was equally as isolating and lonely, what with her being an Ura girl in Caelondia. Zulf gets married to his fiancee, blissfully unaware of the impending genocide on his people while he fruitlessly brokers peace. Upon seeing these credits, these images of the lives of these characters, I knew I made a mistake. History is going to repeat itself. Sure they were alive, and so was everyone else, but the cycle of violence remains unbroken and eventually, even if the Calamity that befell the world the first time doesn’t happen again, another will. Rucks final words in this ending are a simple forlorn goodbye. “So long kid... Maybe I'll see you in the next one. Caelondia... We’re coming home.”

Choosing this ending left me feeling anxious at first, and then hollow and empty. I didn’t save anyone, I just clung to the past. I expected things to be different in a world where something like the Calamity could happen in the first place. I knew, then, that for there to be any hope at all I had to move on from the old world. I had to do right by Rucks, by Zia, even by Zulf. They were my friends. They deserved better, they deserved more. They deserved a world without the conflict and violence that Caelondia brings. I understood even more clearly what I had done when, upon starting a new game, Rucks final words echoed over the loading screen. As far as I could tell, the Calamity had happened again. Rucks even makes comments of feeling a sort of deja-vu while retelling the story and is much less confident resetting will work the second go around, for a reason he just can’t quite explain.

Bastion is a story about tragedy, about generational trauma left over from a war, about the cycle of violence and all that it perpetuates. It’s a story about waking up in a world that has already crumbled and fallen apart through no fault of your own and being told there is nothing you can do about that destruction. And there isn’t. Climate change is a bigger problem now in 2020 than it ever was in 2011. People are going to die, it’s just an awful fact at this point. Those in charge continue to ignore that fact and these issues while also continuing to stoke the fires and flames of the impoverished and destitute more and more every day, bleeding them dry for any pennies they might have. 

But that’s not all Bastion has to say. It’s not fair for the next generation just like it wasn’t fair for the Kid, to wake up in a world already destroyed, and yet still, people like the Kid and Zia found hope. Within Bastion, you can save Zulf and end the cycle of violence, you can choose Zia’s option and set out on a world that is better for everyone in the end, as ruined as it is. Even in the end of the world and everything you knew, there is hope. Bastion doesn’t just ask, it begs on hands and knees for the next generation to take up this dying world and make it better. Bastion, and Supergiant, believes in the next generation. that it's possible to move on from the past and make something better, to seize control and make a better world while purposefully never forgetting the cycles of violence that led us to the end of the world in the first place. Our great Calamity is already unfolding before us and there isn’t anything we can do to stop it, only delay it. Bastion tells us that it's okay, that we can make something beautiful, and new, and better from those ashes. 

In the scene for the Evacuation ending, Rucks tells us that he’s not sure how to live in a world like this, but he’s willing to learn. And excitedly offers to help teach you how to fly the Bastion through the skies. The very first image you see during the credits then, is the Kid finally collapsing of exhaustion and resting while Rucks tucks him in. The next is Zia looking forward on the deck of the Bastion, a smile on her face and hope in her heart. You get to see Rucks later teaching the Kid how to fly the Bastion, finally giving the Kid the family that he so desperately needed, and finally you see Zulf. He’s got a frown on his face, he’s still lost everything in the Calamity after all. More than anyone. But he’s chopping food for everyone else still, helping out where he can. I couldn’t help but think upon seeing his expression that he might hate me for the rest of my life, and that was alright. I’d always just be happy he was alive. Seeing the smiling faces of everyone in the Evacuation made something very clear to me. In the Old World, Zia was an outcast, Zulf was a fool, Rucks was nostalgic, and the Kid was alone. In the Calamity, they found friendship, they found happiness, they found love and family in each other, they found adventure and they found hope for the future. Zia’s final words to the Kid echoed in my head:

"Any moment I'd want to live again... happened after the Calamity. Not before."

And I was at peace. I knew I had done the right thing I had chosen to move on, accepting the world for what it was and not looking for miracle solutions to fix it or change it, but to forge on ahead with what I had and make something better. 

Bastion’s story is not directly told to you, especially after the ending. There is no epilogue that tells you exactly what happened, just a few lines of dialogue that you can make of what you will and some pictures of the lives after your choice. it’s never explicitly stated that the Calamity happens again if you choose to reset things. It’s meaning is in between the lines that Rucks has to say. It’s In the subtext. It's in the art, it's in the environment, like the tragedy of finding nothing but ashen corpses around a lone peace talker right before he’s about to jump to his death. It’s in the music, like the haunting melody of an outcast’s voice singing the song of her oppressors while never realizing how much the very city she was raised in tried to exterminate her. But more than anything it's in the feeling you get while you play. Bastion’s story plays out in your heart as much as it plays out in your mind and on the screen in-front of you. What you feel, what you make of it, that’s just as important to the meaning of the story as what you’re hearing and seeing. Obviously this can be said of all stories, but Bastion is maybe the one that’s resonated most in my heart and in my soul more so than any other story. It offers no simple answers, no painless choices, and no easy ways out. Move on, or cling to the past, those are your only two options and Bastion forces you to make a choice.

In the end, I chose a new world. A better world. A world with my friends that would never let the cycles of violence and the generational trauma that caused the Calamity to happen again. Sure, resetting technically brings everyone back to life, but it wasn’t until I chose to move on and move forward that I felt I could even say in my heart that I’d saved anyone at all. 

Conclusion: 

“I dig my hole, you build a wall.”

“Build that wall, and build it strong, Cause we’ll be there before too long.”

Bastion is, and I'm not saying this lightly, a perfect game. The gameplay loop and combat is phenomenal and addicting, the music and art and aesthetics are so top notch you could honestly create an entire art style out of them all on their own, the storytelling is amazing and has so much to say that I cannot believe something this important was just thrown out by an indie studio nobody had ever heard of while it was only 7 people strong, and how many people slept on it or completely missed the point of the tragedy of Caelondia and the Ura. 

This game will live in my heart for a very, very long time and its music and messages it conveyed will stick with me even longer. My only regret with Bastion is that I’ll never get to experience it for the first time again. But, even with the spoilers here, you can. Play it, Kid. You won’t regret it.

“We can't go back no more. But I suppose we could go... wherever we please.”

[hoodoo12]

Music To His Ears (4/4)

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

NSFW. Beetlejuice/f!reader. Hands, genitals, teasing, big finale!

He didn’t give you time to answer. Not as if you would have disagreed anyway!

Beetlejuice idly stroked you, his finger delving a tiny bit deeper with each strumming. You were wet, but apparently not enough to his liking, because he took his hand away from you and held it up. He made sure you were still watching him as he brought his hand to his face and as he put his first two fingers in his mouth. He licked them shamelessly; you could see his lower jaw flex as his tongue went around them. 

When he extracted them, they were shiny and dripping with spit. 

“Open your legs a little more, babydoll.”

You complied immediately.

His hand dropped back to your pussy. It had lost some of its warmth, having been off your body and his fingers in his mouth, but the combination of the chill and his saliva was an interesting one, so as he repeated dipping his fingers through your folds you canted your hips to allow better access.

Once you were slick enough to his liking, his first two fingers settled on your clit. He was gentle, making barely-there touches to your most sensitive spot. Although it was delicate, you shuddered and a thin sweat broke over you. 

The same reedy whine managed to escape your throat again. 

Beetlejuice grinned and raised an eyebrow. He didn’t say anything this time, though, he simply increased the pressure on your clit. 

Still making small circles, his fingers’ movement deepened the pleasure starting to worm its way through you. Once again you tilted your pelvis to encourage more, and after another quick lick to the tips of his digits, he complied, pressing more heavily onto your clit. 

That pleasure ratcheted upward and your lower half jerked in response. He was good at that, at knowing exactly how to stimulate you, at bringing you to the edge of orgasm with just a touch--

--Beetlejuice stopped. 

The break in the wave of pleasure when he removed his hand was unwelcome and you almost, almost groaned. 

He didn’t leave you hanging, however, with a knowing smirk he sucked his fingers once again and since you were still laying beside him with your legs wantonly open, he dropped his hand back to your pussy. Instead of teasing your clit again, however, his fingers slipped lower and drove into you.

Despite the hand over your mouth and your conviction, you moaned. 

Immediately you felt panic in your chest. 

“Oh baby, that sound is beautiful,” Beetlejuice praised in a voice that was leaden with his own arousal. 

You tried to believe him. 

“Ready to continue?” he asked, with his fingers still buried in your pussy.

Although you didn’t remove your hand from your mouth, you nodded. 

“Good . . .” 

He began finger fucking you in earnest. The two fingers he used were just narrow enough that there was no resistance as he plunged them in and out of you. A third might have been nice, but from experience you both knew that would be a different kind of pleasure: less movement, more stretching. With two fingers he could also curl them more easily inside you, searching for that spot inside that made you grind down onto his hand. 

When your response informed him he’d found it, he grinned and didn’t repeat the motion. Instead, he kept his fingers second-knuckle deep inside you and pressed into your clit with the meaty part of his palm. 

Electricity shot through you and you sucked in a breath. Not exactly a noise, but close. 

Then he left that pressure off too, and managed to earn a slight groan of protest in return. 

That made him smirk, like he just learned a secret.

With no further warning, Beetlejuice alternated what his hand did: from fingers pushing into your g-spot to his palm against your clit. He repeated the movement over and over and over and--

--it was too much. 

From deep in your chest, up through your throat, despite the muffling effect of your palm pressed tightly against your mouth, another moan erupted out of you. 

For a moment Beetlejuice didn’t say anything. His hand continued its rocking, pushing you closer and closer to a peak of bliss that was so good and now so close. 

You moaned again, and for a second the fear and shame that had shackled you fought against your pleasure. A strangled noise, a mixture of the warring fractions, the worst noise ever, slipped out of you. Mortification wanted to gag you; you wanted to be mute and less embarrassing--

“You sound so good,” Beetlejuice said quietly, in your ear. There was no hint of sarcasm or deceit in his voice. “I love it, baby. That moan--knowing I did that to you, hearing that you’re feeling so good, fuck, babydoll, your voice is so pretty--”

Fear and shame stumbled in their attempts to suppress you. A louder moan came from you.

“--that’s it baby, I love it, can you be louder for me? Do my fingers in your pussy make you feel so good you could cry out? Is it so good you could you say my name, baby?”

Fear and shame retreated, rolled over by one moan after another as Beetlejuice’s hand continued to work its relentless magic on your pussy. The edge of that peak was approaching at breakneck speed, and after only a few more moments, you tumbled over it with a sound that started as an open-mouthed cry that you choked off in the middle. It stilled his hand with pressure on both your g-spot and clit. 

The ecstasy undulated through you, and your voice wavered down to a whine. When you ran out of breath and the muscles throughout your body released all their tension, you melted into the mattress. You felt weak and drained, and your throat was itchy. 

Carefully, Beetlejuice eased his hand away from you. Your pussy felt warm but empty.

You kept your eyes closed, because you didn’t want to see the imagined look of ridicule or disgust on his face. 

Instead of any of that, however, Beetlejuice stayed close to your ear and told you, “That was a wonderful start, baby. You want to keep going? I’d like to hear you again . . .”

Only slightly worried that agreeing would make you sound needy, you nodded, thinking he’d finally move between your legs to fill the spot his hand had vacated. It surprised you, then, when he did move, it was to lay prone on the bed while pulling you over him. 

“I want you on top, baby. I want to watch you, okay? You get to decide how fast or slow or deep or anything you want, so long as it makes you feel good. So long as those wicked sounds come out of your mouth. Okay? Christ, listening to you made me so horny--”

You still had some difficulty wrapping your brain around his praise and the fact that he was so turned on, but you couldn’t deny his arousal as he continued to shift you so you were over him.

On one knee, you reached between the two of you to hold his cock steady, then lowered yourself down onto him.

“--just like that, baby, oohhh--” Beetlejuice groaned. 

As he filled you, a groan wiggled from your lips too. He grinned up at you through his pleasure. 

In a moment, he was completely seated in you. You readjusted your leg so both knees were on the mattress at his sides. You paused to catch your breath. 

“It’s hard not to fuck you, babydoll. I want you to just hang on and enjoy the ride, but I also wanna have you in control--”

“You mean me do all the work?” you teased. 

The ghost grinned, and that was enough of an answer. 

You shook your head and rocked. His cock slipped easily in and out of your pussy, and feeling bold, your moan matched his. Beetlejuice’s hands grabbed your thighs in response, and you did it again. The friction made a sweet vibration blossom in your core, and you let yourself gasp and groan in time with it. 

“That’s it, that’s it--” Beetlejuice encouraged below you, “--that’s a beautiful sound--”

Suddenly, him being able to form words was too much. He kept saying that he wanted to hear you, but you wanted to hear him. 

You planted your palms on his chest to steady yourself, and you fucked him hard. 

It took him by surprise, but he didn’t protest. Beetlejuice lost his words, and the moans that you helped create in him made it easy for you to copy. Because you didn’t have a hand over your mouth, you felt exposed, but that feeling faded and soon the sounds that erupted from you came easily, explosively.

You were speeding towards another orgasm and you laughed. You laughed. His cock so deep inside you, your decision setting the pace, your control of your own pleasure filled you with an all-encompassing bliss. You came and halted your movement so his pubic bone was perfectly situated on your clit as the ecstasy overtook you. The cry you gave was loud, just as he’d requested. 

When you were finally able to open your eyes again, Beetlejuice was still grinning up at you. 

“That was amazing, baby,” he told you sincerely. “You sounded so hot.”

A blush warmed your cheeks as you panted to catch your breath. “Thank you, I think . . . ?” 

He tugged your arms to make you lower your torso to his. 

“What position would you like now?” you asked, your mouth almost on his. 

“None. I’m good.”

You lifted your head to look at him more clearly. “No really. What do you want now?”

“I think I’d like to just rest up till round two.”

You knew you looked confused, until realization dawned on you, and you asked, “You came?”

He shrugged a shoulder and nodded at the same time. Immediately you were aghast. 

“I didn’t know! I’m so sorry!” you babbled. “I was so caught up in me I didn’t even realize you’d come--”

“It’s okay, babes,” he interrupted. “It is perfectly okay. I’m glad you let loose and were so overwhelmed you didn’t realize it!”

You searched his face for any indication he was lying or upset, but didn’t find any. As a matter of fact, he shifted one hip and pushed you to the opposite side so you’d move off of him. The sensation of his cock slipping out of you elicited another small gasp as you settled beside him. 

“Mmm. That was good. I could get used to hearing you,” he said. 

“Me too,” you admitted quietly.

fin!

[echoes-of-the-clockwork]

Book One: Death (Noctis x Reader) Chapter Twenty-One

A/n: As you can tell, I lied! Not intentionally, though. I was hoping to have this story wrapped up by the twentieth chapter, but that didn't happen. Therefore, here's chapter twenty-one! Love you all!!! •••••••••••••••••••• (Y/n) guided Noctis, Gladio, and Ignis back to the sleeping quarters where she left Prompto only ten minutes ago. Once inside, Death closed the door behind her as the trio wandered over to the sleeping blonde. She was a little surprised to see he was still asleep, but she was glad to see him at peace.

The Horseman's (e/c) eyes traveled between the newly arrived trio with a stern glimmer. "You three should also get some rest. I seriously doubt we'll be attacked here."

"Yes. (Y/n) is correct. We should repose for a short while as we will need our strength in order to obtain the Crystal and flee," Ignis stated as he used his cane to search for another bed. He laid in the one beside Prompto and leaned his cane against the metal bed frame.

"Yeah. Could use a quick nap from all the shit we've been through today," Gladio said as he made his way over to a vacant bed. Before laying down, he eyed (Y/n) sternly. "You got our backs?"

"Yes. Just rest, Gladio. Not like I could sleep if I wanted to," the Horseman sighed, sitting in the chair beside the door. Hearing her resolve, the brute tried to get as comfortable as possible and rest.

Noctis was the last one awake, besides (Y/n), and claimed the bed beside Gladio's. He sat down, but he didn't lay down to rest. Death crossed her arms and legs, peering questionably at her boyfriend. "Can't sleep?"

"Something like that," the boy muttered in response.

Death noticed the intense stare she was receiving from him and snickered. "Just tell me what you want."

"N-No. It's completely embarrassing..." Noctis hid his face with both hands and refused to look at her any longer.

(Y/n) snorted with laughter as she stood up and approached Noctis. She leant down, peeled his hands off his face, and stared into his glistening pools of lapis with a gentle smile. "Tell me the truth, Noctis. I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

Without a word, Noctis' arms snaked around (Y/n)'s waist and he pulled her down onto the bed. A gasp of surprise left her lips as she fell on top of the boy. She tried to roll off of him, but it was impossible with the grip Noctis had on her waist. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed her upper body up. Staring into his lapis eyes, Death's (e/c) eyes narrowed. "There's no way I can't keep a lookout in this position, Noctis."

"Don't care," he responded, resting his head against the pillow.

"And it's freezing in here. I doubt you can sleep with my horrid body temperature added to the equation."

"Don't care," he repeated. "Shut up and let me sleep."

(Y/n) sighed in defeat and remained where she was. One of Noctis' hands slithered up Death's back and to her head. He pushed her head back down to his chest as he closed his eyes. The Horseman rolls her eyes with a faint smile as she turned her head to keep an eye on the door.

<------<<<<<<<<<

After another hour passed, the four boys were all sleeping peacefully. As (Y/n) was enjoying Noctis' embrace, an eerie sound was heard from the hallway. Her head shot up off the sleeping boy's chest at the noise, eyes glued to the door. Death eased her body out of Noctis' arms and quickly but quietly approached the door. She placed her ear against the frigid metal and listened closely. The sound she heard was a mix between a chuckle and a hiss. Then, a familiar odor assaulted her nose. Her eyes widened as her body became petrified.

Shaking away the paralysis, (Y/n) opened the door and peered down the hall. The cacophony amplified, signaling the monster was approaching. A large shadow could be seen on the wall, the dark silhouette growing as it stalked closer. The Horseman promptly closed the door and shook the boys awake. "We've got trouble."

The boys stood from their beds and pulled themselves out of their twilight state from just waking up. (Y/n) knew of Noctis' sealed powers and provided Prompto, Gladio, and Ignis their weapons. Luckily, Noctis had found his father's sword and wouldn't need his engine blade.

When Death handed Ignis his daggers, Gladio spoke up with a disapproving tone. "The hell are you doing?"

"This isn't the time to argue, Gladio," (Y/n) growled. "Ignis can handle himself in battle and if you can't see that, you're the one who's blind."

"Much appreciated, (Y/n)," Ignis said, gripping his daggers tightly.

"You four will search the Keep for the Crystal and hopefully, find a way to fix Noct's powers."

"You seriously think we're gonna let you wander around this place alone?" Noctis rebuttals.

"Yes, I do. You still have the summoning orb?" Death questioned.

"Yeah," he replied.

"If I don't regroup with you all in an hour, summon me." Without another word, (Y/n) summoned her scythe and dashed out of the room.

Rounding around the corner at the end of the hall, the sight and scent that greeted her caused fear to fester in her being. Death's (e/c) eyes widened at the sight, unable to believe it. "Dear Astrals above..."

A chuckle left the man/monster that stood before her. "It seems my new appearance has you flabbergasted, my dear."

The creature that loomed over (Y/n) was no longer a man nor fully the putrid monster she was all too familiar with. Her mouth was agape at the horrid sight as she took a few steps backwards. "You fused your body with the Wendigo's... Why on Eos would you do such a thing?"

"The capability of such an other worldly being combined with my own attributes makes me invincible!"

"Guess being immortal wasn't enough for your crazy and deranged ass," Death retorts with a snicker, her fear wiped away. "Now, you've merged your body with a monster that is mortal. Was that really a good move?"

Ardyn's response was to swing down his arm, which was a Wendigo's appendage. (Y/n) dodges with ease, her smirk growing. "Y'know, there is one way for an immortal to be slain."

"Oh?" The hybrid hums. "And how can such a feat be achieved, Horseman?"

"That's my little secret." Death raised her scythe and aims the blade at the hybrid. "Bring it, you putrid atrocity. I'll make sure you're wiped from Eos and never remembered."

"Such a burly statement. It's a shame your dear prince won't be around to see your downfall by my hands."

(Y/n) ignored Ardyn's taunt and shook her head with a small smirk. "I was just thinking about how you actually look much better this way. You were way uglier before."

The chancellor was irked by the insult and charged at (Y/n). Death was able to dodge and run down the hallway, wishing to lure the hybrid into a much more open area. Turning down multiple hallways, she reached a large, open room with a few metallic crates stacked. She ran over to a single stack and hid behind the crates. Peering from her spot, she saw Ardyn hadn't caught up. While she was weaving through the hallways, she hadn't realized she would lose Ardyn so easily.

A few minutes passed and the hybrid finally reached the large room. (Y/n) remained in her hiding spot, wanting to buy more time for the boys to search the Keep. If she could keep the man/monster on her tail and away from them for at least an hour, that'll give them enough time to search the parts of the Keep they haven't. She could hear Ardyn taunting her as he dragged his disgusting body around. By his movements, Death could tell the chancellor was having difficulty with controlling the Wendigo's arms and legs. The head, which eyes still radiated crimson even if its body was fused to Ardyn's, seemed to have life of its own.

Taking a closer look at the hybrid, (Y/n) noticed the Wendigo side was slowly beginning to take control. Ardyn's once golden eyes were turning red to match the monster's. "The fusion... It's turning him mortal. Guess I just need to buy a little more time and he will be completely mortal and be an easy kill."

The hybrid hissed and groaned as it slowly dragged its body across the room and began searching behind the crates. (Y/n) dispelled her scythe and decided to run instead of fight. She moved from hiding spot to hiding spot, making the hybrid search every corner of the room. While Ardyn was in the furthest corner, Death maneuvered to a nearby ladder and scaled it. Up on the catwalk, she crouched to hide her form behind the railing. It wasn't the ideal cover, but it was all she had to work with.

From (Y/n)'s perch, she saw the frustration grow and the Wendigo slowly consume Ardyn's immortal body into its mortal one. As the chancellor gave into his anger, his hybrid body saw it as a weakness and the monster infused with him saw it as an opening to slowly consume him. The Wendigo was sentient and wouldn't allow Ardyn to control their merged bodies. Anger boiled in the man's/monster's veins as he growled and swiped its claws at the metal crates. Death remained on the catwalk as the rage consumed Ardyn and went berserk.

Suddenly, one of the Wendigo's arms impaled Ardyn's chest. Its claws ripped at his chest, but it appeared the man felt nothing. (Y/n) winced at the sight, knowing the Wendigo was trying to tear Ardyn's body from its own.

Tearing her eyes from the scene, Death meandered down the catwalk silently. As the struggle between man and beast continued, (Y/n) reached the end of the catwalk and left the large room.

The Horseman didn't make it far down the hallway before she heard the hybrid's body slam against the metallic catwalk with a thud and a sinister cry. Without looking back, (Y/n) ran as fast as she could. When she turned left, she was greeted by a stairwell and ran up the steps with the monster close behind.

<------<<<<<<<

After running for what felt like hours, (Y/n) hid in a closet to catch her breath. She wasn't sure how much longer it would take for the Wendigo to take over Ardyn's body and turn the man into a mortal, but she hoped it wasn't too long.

"I need to tell the others," she whispered to herself. Closing her eyes, Death inhales slowly as she used her mana to locate the summoning orb. It would take a tremendous amount of magic to teleport to the boys, but she needed to tell them of Ardyn's horrific condition. Within a few seconds, the Horseman appeared in front of Noctis and sighed. A small dizzy spell caused her to feel nauseous and she placed a hand against her temple. She blinked profusely, shaking her head lightly. "Ugh, everything's spinning..."

"Where'd you come from?" Noctis asked.

"Not sure. I wasn't keeping track of where I was going. There's something urgent I needed to tell you all and decided to use my mana to summon myself."

"What's wrong?" Gladio questioned.

(Y/n) let her vision steady and her world stop spinning before answering. "Ardyn's fused his body with the last remaining Wendigo."

The boys were shocked at the news and confused as to why the chancellor would do such an extreme tactic. Prompto peered from behind Noctis and eyed the Horseman with worry. "What does that mean for us?"

Death's lips quirked up in a smirk. "The Wendigo side of the fusion is overpowering Ardyn. With time, he'll become mortal and an easy kill."

"Guess we're making our final stand here," Gladio stated.

"It seems the Astrals are smiling upon us," Ignis said.

Noctis nodded in agreement. "Good. That bastard deserves whatever's coming his way."

[docholligay]

Home Base: Part One of Two

This is something @keyofjetwolf​ commissioned from me! Tracer and Oharah trying to find a place for the new office in London, (thought really what she asked for was “friendship”) part two will be up next month! 2600 words

It was a simple room, perched above a chip shop in an undesirable area of the city, the smell of oil and fish wafting through the vents, the wood floors scarred and pitted from years of use. It must have been a living room, once, based on how the rental offices were divided, and in the peeking corners of the yellowed room, Pharah was sure she saw the remnants of some old flowered wallpaper.

“Natural light in this place is just lovely.” Tracer stood, looking out the window and grinning to no one in particular, hair fluffed in a small halo from the number of times she’d run her hands through it.

“There would have to be natural light in London for that to be true.” Pharah said, but she chuckled as she said it.

She had worked with many people in life, had many leaders over, under, and beside her, and she had never met someone quite like Tracer. She had a unique pairing of incessant bright-sidedness, easy charm, and absolute willingness to shoot a man in the face that made her an asset to the leadership of Overwatch, and a good partner to Pharah, whose sole match to Tracer’s personality was her own willingness to shoot a man in the face.

If you had told Pharah, when Tracer showed up in that Helix meeting room and shook her hand, that she would come to consider Tracer not only her equal, but her friend, the Pharah of then would have balked.

“You have, in this room, the greatest sunshine in all London, love,” Tracer dramatically held a hand to her own chest, and then laughed and tugged at the edge of Pharah’s arm, “Really though, love, bit of paint, lay down a throw rug, we ‘ave our furniture, and love,” she bounced up to Pharah’s side, “quite a few markets we could stop by before the day is out, get us a desk, think I want one…”

Tracer, at the least, was not lying about her excitement--it was easy to tell when she was happy, the way she bounced around and the way the word ‘love’ because the equivalent of a comma--but Pharah was not certain which emotion it was that she was feeling. They had taken the scrappy second coming of Overwatch to the public, they had relocated to London, there had been so many changes, and she had been excited about what was to come. But it was also true that she and Mercy were living with Tracer in an old house that always seemed to have something falling apart, and now the headquarters she had dreamed of was in an old room above a chip shop.

It hadn’t been her first choice, even slightly, when she had begun her research. When she sat down at the small nook at the back of Tracer’s long and narrow kitchen, where a bit of countertop had been set into the wall, two stools tucked underneath it. Any desire to eat breakfast at the countertop would be somewhat frustrated by the fact that Tracer had turned it into a tea center, canisters of every size and color knocking one into the other, a mug full of tea strainers at the side of the kettle.

Pharah had stubbornly plugged in her coffee pot next to it all.

That morning, she poured herself a cup and shook her head as she wiped the sugar off the countertop, tossing it into her hand and into the small garbage can at the end of the kitchen. She unfolded her map of London onto the tiny table that sat across from the nook, where Tracer sat sipping her tea and humming to herself as she watched out the window.

“I think we will make our office in either Belgravia or Knightsbridge.” She looked down at the map, where she had circled an area in Central London.

Tracer barked out a laugh and leaned back in her chair at the breakfast table, sipping her tea. “Oh right, bang on, Fareeha, brilliant, well done.”

Pharah scowled, annoyed at Tracer’s sarcasm. “There are many embassies and cultural institutes in the area, it would be a convenient place for contacts and for meetings. It is very near excellent public transportation, as well as hotels for any diplomats or contractors we might need to bring in.” She looked at Tracer with determination “I have done my research.”

“‘Ave you, then.” Tracer stared at her and set down her tea, shaking her head. “I don’t think an Englishwoman ‘as said this since 1968, but being as I can’t think of a single English word what does the emotion I’m feeling justice, I’m going to take it out of retirement.” She looked at Pharah, eyes wide. “Cor and blimey, both.”

“You have some problem with the area?”

“Oh no, love, bit of a grotty little area, innit? She took another drink of tea from her brightly colored mug, “Rather think we should ask the royals if we can use Buckingham, throw in a bit of class.” She laughed at her own joke as Pharah looked back down at the map. “More useful than the royals, anyhow, that’s the bloody truth. Not sure if they let using ‘ope in Cairo, but ‘ere it’s generally the pound sterling.”

Pharah thought for a moment, though was not quite ready to concede Tracer’s point. She had forgotten that London was not Cairo, and was not even Canada, and that it might have done her well to to a cursory search on what areas of London they could afford. Perhaps she had thought of that, and been afraid that the answer was, ‘None of them.’

“How expensive is the area?” She still did not look up at Tracer, focused on the fine central transportation and nearby restaurants of her map.

“A bit between ‘there’s a darth of Prets in the area’ and ‘they won’t let me off at Knightsbridge station.’

Pharah stood up and left her map on the table, walking into the kitchen thoughtfully, a sense of shame coming over her. She could be so detailed, so intelligent, so strict and so careful, and then, in moments, she would think that the inherent nobility of her cause would protect her from failure. Tracer had considered the realities of London real estate, and she had not, and this was her folly.

And yet, she was not ready to concede. She had such a vision, such hope for everything Overwatch could be, and so much of that lay in Overwatch existing in the light, in tucking its office among the people and answereable to them, not in far off bases outside of government oversight. She had visualized that little Overwatch flag hanging outside of a fine stone building, with a small lobby and her own office, with a set of leather chairs, in so many of her dreams.

“Overwatch is a help to humanity.” She turned around, arms crossed, and faced Tracer.

“Can be and will be, with us.” Tracer stood up, nodding as she gathered her oatmeal bowl, “Not sure what that ‘as to do wit--”

“We are going to speak to the landlords in the area,” She gave a brief sigh, but then nodded to herself, “We will sell them on the philanthropy of the idea.”

“Thought I was the bleedin’ optimist of the team,” Tracer edged past Pharah and set her dishes in the sink, “Landlord and philanthropy aren’t two things I generally set in the same sentence.”

Pharah did not argue, simply looked at Tracer and waited until she turned to face her. “Will you go with me?”

Tracer’s face lit up in a grin and a nod. “Course I will.” She slapped Pharah on the back cheerfully. “Give it a go, and, it all goes pear-shaped, won’t be the first time I’ve been kicked out of somewhere. Started me field agent career being thrown out an office, so I did.”

Tracer was eager, and if eagerness could carry the day, there was little chance that they would fail. Why should they? Tracer had the heart and the charm to make it exciting, and Pharah had the logic and the gravitas to make it seem important. They both had impressive military lineage and experience.

She would press her suit.

Tracer appeared to be trying to press her voice, standing in the large, cool office with high mahogany bookshelves, antique Turkish rug beneath their feet, antique English man in front of them.

“We rather think that here,” Tracer spoke slowly and with care, “there would be ample opportunities for connection wifff-thhh the local and global authorities.”

Pharah had teased Tracer about the way she spoke English for a fair number of years, quite aware that it was its own nonstandard and class-based form, and so it made good sense that she was attempting to speak a more received form of British English in front of this man whose various degrees and titles littered the walls.

And yet, the very notion of it filled Pharah with a rage she could not quite identify, and it struck her ears like hailstones against tin siding.

“And your ostensibly noble deeds require that I simply give you office space in a desirable location.” His voice even sounded expensive, bought and paid for by the lands and buildings he held. “At the cost of--”

“We can pay.” Tracer looked annoyed, but took a breath and tugged on the ends of the simple tweed blazer that framed her CA. “It’s only a matter of adjusting the rent. We’d be happy to name you a sponsor of our services.”

Pharah nodded and stepped forward, inexplicably protective of a woman who could protect herself without difficulty. “Talon’s efforts have grown more serious and more numerous, which does not even touch on the small resurgence of omnic supremacists.”

Pharah’s dark blue suit was neatly pressed, looking quite presidential paired with the burgundy tie Mercy had bought for her in Italy while at a conference, and she had her hair pulled back in into a low, smooth ponytail. She was broadly built and had been since she was a teenager--that and her height made her intimidating, people often told her.

She squared her shoulders, hoping that at least now, it was true.

He rose to his feet. “Ladies,”

There is something about the way a man says ‘ladies’ that causes the flesh of even the most feminine creature on earth to crawl, something that implies innocence and naivete and a need for a gentle hand. It exists on a spectrum, of course, as most of life does in the end, but one of this man’s degrees or awards must have certainly been in the most precise nature of the phrase, a condescension that bordered on artwork.

“I am not entirely certain you understand the fiscal realities of London--”

Tracer nearly bared her teeth, her voice coming out a choke. “I have lived here my entire life, thank you.”

“East end?” He smiled coldly and nodded at her. “So you must understand, to let you a space, on your budget, here in this building would be irresponsible as a business decision. I haven’t come so far by being irresponsible.”

Pharah cleared her throat. “The embassies on the block may not find a security--”

Tracer reacted the only way a woman who was exhausted by twenty minutes’ use of the letter H, only to be told that it wasn’t enough, could.

“Just on the backs of the rest of bloody London, right?  You didn’t come far so much as people like me family carried you, and that’s the bloody truth.”

Pharah was trapped between a mild sort of delight that Tracer sounded like herself again, and a painful realization that this was never going to go her way. Tracer was shaking slightly with the fury of it all, and Pharah touched her on the shoulder, wondering if this man would ever know how much more it had been for his protection than Tracer’s.

“Excuse me?”

Tracer jutted toward him, barking like a terrier at the end of a leash. “D’you ‘ave trouble ‘earing me? Just too low to the--”

“Lena.” Pharah slid her arm across her shoulders. “We should go.”

She spoke gently, and that, more than anything, snapped Tracer out of her storm of anger. She stepped backwards and took one last look at the man, who hand his arms crossed, looking at Tracer with a sense of amusement.

Tracer pointed back to him. “Talon, or the omnics, or a band of soccer hooligans, anyone, doesn’t matter to me none,” she gestured around her, “attacks this street, I will let this building burn to ash, so I will. Swear on me dead mum. Me dad as well, while I’m ‘ere.”

Tracer turned on her toe and wheeled back toward the door, throwing it open with force and irritation and pain, the heavy wood slamming back against the doorsill as it vibrated shut again. Her footsteps echoed in the tile hallway, quick and hot and nimble, fading into the sounds of the opening door, and the street.

Pharah gave the man a long look, and then touched at her cufflinks as she turned to go.

“Thank you for your time.” She straightened her collar. “I have a long memory, and you may be assured that I will not forget your generosity.”

The man began to say something in his defense, but Pharah was no longer listening, and strode toward the door, following Tracer to the street. Her grand idea had failed. It had never been that grand anyhow, and she had known that, somewhere inside her, but she had to try. Tracer had been kind to accompany her.

Tracer was out on the sidewalk, pacing back and forth and mumbling to herself a thousand different arguments that never happened, but certainly could have, and a thousand possibilities that had not yet come to fruition, but might someday.

Pharah stopped and stood next to her path, staying out of her way, hands behind her back as if she had received a fresh reprimand from command.

“May I treat you to lunch, or should we take few laps around the park first?”

Tracer stopped and looked at her with a flummoxed expression. “Just ruined our chances of your fine office, love, or weren’t you there when it ‘appened?”

Pharah shook her head. “You cannot ruin what was never built. It was foolish of me,” She looked at the flags lining the block with a slight touch of wistfullness, “and I am sorry.”

“Fareeha--”

“I would never ask you to change yourself.” She looked down at Tracer sharply. “In that way, of course. There are many other things I think could be improved. But the way you speak,” Pharah looked away from Tracer again, up at the fine buildings and the expensive boutiques that she would never call her workspace, “and the way you move. Those are things that belong to you. They are you. I asked Tracer to accompany me. I prefer her to whatever you were doing in there.”

Pharah was nearly knocked off balance by Tracer’s jump, wrapping her arms tightly around Pharah.

“I love you too, you wanker.”

Pharah patted her shoulder. “Do you want lunch or do you not?”

“Fareeha!” Tracer pulled her out of the memory with a tap on the arm, and she was brought back to the small room that smelled of fish and fries, “Need to sign the lease, love.”

Pharah nodded and took a pen out of her pocket. It was yellowed and smelled and small, but it was her office, and her Overwatch, and her future.

[kazemari]

Queenscrown's construction

This is the story of how I came to the concept to the Targaryen castle of Queenscrown from my Game of Thrones AU, the Court of Bastards.

Summary: Stannis takes Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen from her mother’s dying arms and raises her as his ward. The New King Robert Baratheon, first of his name, decides that her fate is to wed with shame, making her family line continue in disgrace by pairing her to his friend’s bastard, Jon Snow, despite Eddard Stark’s initial refusal.

If you haven’t read it but is interested, maybe check this out after reading at least the second chapter. If you haven’t read it and is not interested, please ignore this. If you have read it, then welcome to ramblings on my AU.

(I had to use a LOT of images from a lot of different sources. I will link them for you all, and put the owner’s name if I can find them.)

Okay, so, to ‘build’ the stronghold, first I had to have an idea of what the original, canon-verse area would be like. There were the TV show’s concept and many of artists who captured their version of Queenscrown based, mainly, on the books’ description of it.

This is Queenscrown by Michael Komarck, being approached by Bran and his company after escaping from Winterfell.

As you can see, the tower is on the lake, on a tiny piece of land, which made my life so much more difficult because; How the hell am I to make a castle there?! But I liked the difficulty and the area surrounding it was nice and would better fit the story. You can see the forest and the mountains, which are so IMPORTANT for the Plot, in the background.

In CoB, at its first draft, the tower was destructed and in that tiny piece of land was planted the godswood, which resides at the centre of the castle. From there on, I tried to build the castle and its surroundings AKA the greenhouses, the barracks, Queen’s Town, the defending walls, etc, etc.

The first draft did not include all of these things as I focused only on the castle itself seen from above. Now, keep in mind that this is only the first version of the Queenscrown I pictured and is not the final castle I envision.

Now, you look at this messy drawing and may not understand. Yeah, I got you. So I’ll translate it for you.

The godswood itself is at the centre of the castle and its land was the initial tower that formed the previous Queenscrown, the small island is filled with winter roses and a weirwood. It’s really small and around it, there is water, almost like a moat, that comes from small channels that run through the keep. These channels are made of metal, which is heated by fire in various points in the castle, and the hot metal warms the water and thus the keep. To access the godswood there are small stairs that go down from the inner castle balconies to it. There are various balconies viewing the godswood (8).

(1) The curtain walls built around the castle were in the water but not directly connected to the castle. Only one point connected land, castle and walls; the gatehouse(5), which, in this first draft, I made it so there was a drawbridge on the end of the bridge that connected the castle to land, and the bridge and the castle itself was very above the water level of the lake. After passing the bridge and approaching the gatehouse and passing the portcullis (that metal door that closes and opens vertically) you entered the castle itself. Unlike most of the castles we’ve seen, there is no actual courtyard, but I plan un further updating it so that there is a courtyard.

(4) A piece of land on water level (1) is used as a training yard and overlooked by (6) the Great Hall of the keep (if you wanna go overboard, the ‘Throne Room’), the area is also used for the family’s leisure. The Great Hall is on the highest level other than the towers(2), solars(7) and the main keep(3), taking the entirety of the upper level of the East Wing and having a glass ceiling. (Though, now that I think of it, it should be further away from the main keep. So, let’s just switch it to the West Wing ok? Ok.)

The main keep(3) is the noble family’s chambers and the highest tower of the castle. At its top, there is a terrace filled with roses. It is connected to the lady and the lord’s chambers. All five towers within the castle are solars, but the two closest to the Main Keep belongs to the lord and lady of Queenscrown each.

There you have it, the first draft of the castle! Moving on to the second draft, I pictured the castle and its surrounds, because I came to the conclusion that no town could survive without protection. Ned gave The  Targaryens the gift with the hope of populating it despite the wildlings’ attacks, and so the people needed protection too. From this idea, I created the second draft.

Unorganized and making little sense, the main idea behind this was to give QC districts, which were divided by kingdoms. That created seclusion though, and prejudice would rise quickly as people wouldn’t mingle as much. The streets were also inefficient, the urban planning abysmal and the crops too small to sustain such a huge place. Water was also not distributed well and if people do not have water and food, they will not procreate.

There was also the matter of the castle itself;

It still had remnants of the first draft, centralising the godswood and being in the water, with a more round shape. The difference was that the walls were pushed into the castle itself, opening the lake for the people and city pollution. Again, the water planning here is not good.

For the third draft, I focused first on the city planning itself.

Though on a smaller scale, this urban plan was much better. In the west, surrounding the Sept, there was the initial settling of the workers, giving history to its built. The Inner Walls protected the lake and the idea seemed to grow. It was still not a full map though, and the castle was incognito.

For the last draft, I used digital means, simplifying lines and concepts and also dividing them by colour. In this particular image, I made sure to map out the path Dany takes when she first arrives.

This took a few months to complete and fit well with my plans. The three first greenbelts are for farmlands not under the direct ownership of the castle, followed by the palace districts, the two purple rings. The three red rings are apartments, bakeries, homes; the city itself. The two inner greenbelts are the crops and greenhouses of the castle. The innermost greenbelt has three empty areas so the sovereigns can put whatever they please into them. Why they are there, you guys will soon know.

Keep in mind that most of this is empty, and the most populated areas are the Western ones, where oldtown is and the sponsored builds were put in the palace districts.

Finally, I moved on to making the castle;

The gatehouse (0), with the stables, entering into an ample courtyard. The first guard tower (2) connects to the gatehouse and keeps watch over the movements of the courtyard, also acting as an armoury, and the second guard tower (4) helps to isolate the guest wing, which extends to the second guard tower, passing (5) and (6). The courtyard leads into the main body of the castle (5), which has kitchens, music rooms, library, entertaining rooms and such. It has two stories, the first one leads to the gardens and last three towers (9, 10 and 11). The second story leads into the Great Hall (6), which has a glass roof. The great hall has passages to the guard and offices towers (4 and 8, respectively), with an open passageway (7) connecting the two and passing over the gardens. Surrounding the main keep (10), where the family wing resides, is the servant tower and another tower, with armoury and guards, leading into the small land and boathouse (12). [11th tower hasn’t much use, but is heavily guarded because of its easy access to the guest wing.]

For a side view of what I picture it, I drew this, looking to the side of the guest wing.

You may see that there are open corridors to the water for the guest wing and that the bridge and gatehouse are higher than the water level. IThat happened because of the visual influences I had, and also because I wanted to take as little space as possible, but also have a something worthy of the name castle. So I used height instead of width. there is also no boathouse, but the focus is to picture the style of the castle itself. It is not as detailed as I would’ve liked, but it shows enough for now.

As we move into the visuals, I will now show you my inspirations for the overall aesthetic of the place.

Now, when thinking about the surroundings, I mix Komark’s art with a little bit of this area in Washington, called Snow Lake (at least, Google says it is Snow Lake. I can’t be sure). It’s a beautiful area, and I think it could match nicely with the surroundings of the Queenscrown I picture.

Also, I found a link with a bunch of pictures from different places on this one website, and oh my, does it inspire me. Like, look at this! I don’t even know if it’s editing or something like it, but look! It even has a small piece of land right in the middle! 

Every one of them, I swear, fits perfectly with the Gift of my mind. So beautiful to see, but mortally cold to survive.

Okay, my darlings, now to my concept, or at least the bare minimum I wished, at first, for the castle itself.

At first, I tried to decide on what kind of style I could use, keeping in mind that I wanted something like the castles we saw in Essos. But then a BIG problem was born. How the hell a castle built for summer would sustain its residents in the far North when the winter came and the cold was stronger? Magic? Artistic license? Hell yeah. But I’m too bothered to simply kick the bucket and accept that a castle clearly built for warm temperatures could be useful in the far North.

So I went on an extended journey, searching for a castle that resided in cold lands, but if it was there and was even close to what I wanted than surely it was possible for it to be built on the Gift. And I did find it!

I present you, the remains of the Château de la Mothe Chandeniers! It is frightening how close my first draft was to this old stronghold. It was burned down in 1932, but, as you can see, it snows heavily in these lands. And if there was a castle with such big windows and delicate structure in cold lands such as these, then surely I can have my Queenscrown, right? I mean, come on! It has a balcony open to the lake!

And guys, when you see it from above it is so similar to what I first drew! It blows my mind, like, am I psych or something?

It is even built in a lake! An artificial lake, I reckon, but still!

And there are photos in the snow, in the sun, in the spring or summer...So glad I found this pearl. Imagine this place in Autumn!

Yet, I was not satisfied with it. I needed something else! I already had my delicate architecture with this French stronghold but I needed something realistic, and something really fancy to help with the deccór. I researched the North and it came to my knowledge that it was mainly based on Scottland, so it was there that I went looking for that part that was missing.

While searching for that missing link, I found something that, ugh, just made me scream in delight. You see, the thing that this beautiful Chateau doesn’t have that medieval castles must have are DEFENSE WALLS! War is constant in this world and we need focking walls! But this is right in the middle of a lake! Not a simple task to build walls, I think to myself while browsing through Google and Pinterest, searching for ‘lake castles’. Or ‘fantasy castles’. Until I found this:

The Old Castle by e-designer is not a lake castle but definitely a fantasy castle. Awesome as fuck, isn’t it? But not even a bit practical and definitively not a response to my problems. How the fuck is it possible to even build some shit even RESEMBLING this castle in ten fucking years? But yes, my muse screams, this is what you’ve been searching for! This castle was what inspired me for the second draft of the Crown Castle, with its defensive walls so close to the castle itself.

So yeah, I squint my eyes, stare at it for, like, ten minutes and nod decisively in a ‘we’ll make this work’ agreement to myself. The inner walls, the first defences of the castle itself, as well as the towers, are inspired by this beautiful art.

Also, the bridge!

That bridge right there is what I want for Queenscrown. It’s so majestic. Again, I’m making things difficult for me and for you guys to believe, but just...roll with me okay?

Now, impmon101 commented about something really cool that made me change the style of the guard towers and colour scheme of Queenscrown.

Now, the first two links are these images, which were from the short history videos regarding Old Valyria:

Now, in Queenscrown there is a lot of towers. Towers are somewhat easier to build, and having a system of guard towers surrounding and into the city is not the worst of ideas. And for the last image, which is Valyria illustrated by Ted Nasmith, if you change the lava for heated water, it wouldn’t be that far from Queenscrown if we actually change the colour schemes.

As for actual colour palettes, I go for a black on white vibe for the outdoors. The structures would be primarily made of white stone -- marble, lime-stone and whatever else -- with the detailing in black stone.

This is The Rector´s Palace, Dubrovnik, Croatia (by dleiva). You see how with some adjustments to the lighting and shadows, the detailing turns black? Mainly on the arched ceiling, you see the black lining on the white stones. Also on the pillars, the whiter stone with the dark shadowing. Now, most of this detailing is purely black on the outside. All of the dome ceilings are black gleaming stones, as well as the stone pathways, with all the lampposts being made of a clear metal that shines white in the light. It’s that monochrome feeling for the main things like the streets, outer and inner walls and the castle itself.

Sacré-Coeur, as shown in SoloSophie’s A QUICK GUIDE TO MONTMARTRE. The Parisian basilica you see is the right shade of white I imagined, with the right amount of detail we see also in The Old Castle by e-designer -- which is our main base for the castle’s outer appearance and size -- and the tower dommes have a similar texture I wish for, like the scales of a dragon or the dommes of Valyrian; the only necessary would be the pitch black material used, as well as the black detailing on the white walls of the castle.

For a concept which includes both the castle and the area surrounding it, I really like the Arendelle castle from Frozen. 

https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/0/05/Frozen-disneyscreencaps.com-10903.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140909224228

But alas, it is by the seaside, which is not Queenscrown’s case. Our castle is built in the water, not in some little piece of land. Beyond the lake, there is even a small circle of walls separating the water from the city itself, which is described as a grid circular system. 

For the last draft of the castle, which ended up being a distant shot for the round model I first went with, I took great inspiration in the Neuschwanstein Castle, in Germany.

So, what do you guys think? Can you picture Queenscrown, have you got any ideas that could fit better? Let me know!

[littlefaerose]

and into the forest i go, to lose my mind and find my soul

WHO: Marley Rose (ft. Shadow!Marley)

WHEN: Wednesday, October 24th, 2018

WHERE: the forest of Marley’s mind

WHAT: This isn’t the trip she asked for...

WARNING(S): mentions/allusions to death and drug use

EXTRA(S): Title is a quote from John Muir. Lyrics in italics are from ‘Forest’ by Twenty One Pilots and ‘Army Of One’ by Coldplay.

I scream, you scream. We all scream cause we're terrified of what's around the corner. We stay in place ‘cause we don't wanna lose our lives.

Homework is done. Her dorm room tidied up. The day’s clothing discarded and new ones set out for tomorrow. There is comfort found in ritual and these days, Marley seeks comfort and distraction from whatever place she can.

Within reason.

There’s a leaf in a small tin in a box, tucked away in the bottom drawer of her desk. Out of sight, but not so easily out of mind. Underneath it, a book overdue from the school library. It hadn’t been her intention to ‘lose’ it. But there were some things that should stay secret. Delmira’s story would have to be one of them.

She’s been giving away too many secrets lately.

The conversation between herself and The Guild has spun out of her control faster than she expected. The truth about the prophecy and its contents is out there. Now she lives in fear of what everyone else is thinking. Of whether the truth is truly safe with them. Of eyes and ears and branches and roots, keeping an account of her every move. Of the mounting number of accidents she’s been involved in over the last few months and the dwindling belief that it has all been just a coincidence.

Maybe I’ll break out the leaf tonight, she thinks, brushing her teeth at the bathroom sink. She could use some of Millie’s advice.

Or at least some decent sleep.

Brush, rinse, repeat.

She wipes her mouth dry with the back of her hand as she turns off the tap and sets her toothbrush aside. Reaches for the canister of salve to twist off its cap. Dips her fingers into a cool green gel and applies them to the remaining patches of discolored skin on the backs and palms of her hands.

Pauses in the middle of the methodical circles she rubs into her skin as a giggle reaches her ears.

She leaves the open canister on the sink and moves to the doorway into her bedroom, brow furrowing as her eyes sweep the room.

She’s alone. At least it appears that way.

“... hello?” she calls softly but hears nothing in return.

Must be getting tired, she thinks with a sigh, scrubbing a hand over her face. Maybe I don’t need...

Her eyes flicker to her desk, lingering on the handle to the bottom-most drawer. Aether, she’s tired, but not enough to fall asleep without difficulty. She should just go to Dani’s room, see if she doesn’t mind sharing a bed tonight. But she has enough on her mind, surely. All of this mess about the collars. The aftermath of the Pagan Pride parade. Midterms.

She doesn’t register leaving the doorway to pull open the desk drawer, only that time seems to jump and a moment later she’s laid back on the bed, an empty tin in one hand and a leaf in the other. She twirls it between her fingers, eyelids growing heavier by the second as she considers it. She knows the risks. Knows the horrors experienced when things go wrong.

Oh, but how easy it is to forget prior experience when desperation overshadows common sense.

Stare into darkness, admit defeat. Coming home and I’m finding no peace.

Darkness.

Then light, spilling through spaces between a canopy of leaves. 

She opens her eyes to a colorful greeting of reds, oranges, and yellows. A large frond floats down from above, dancing lazily on the breeze. It seems to spin right along with Marley, nestled in a pile of autumn’s abandoned foliage on the forest floor. She reaches a hand out for the leaf, which lightly brushes her fingertips before wafting away once more. Her head turns to watch as it somersaults in mid-air, delicate and playful.

She breathes deep... 

Crisp air. Wet dirt. Notes of pine and that mysterious scent the earth creates after being showered with rain. 

Her heart is simultaneously heavy and beating with excitation.

Cold Spring.

She sits up, rustling the leaves around her as she takes in her surroundings. She was just here... hadn’t she just been here? Disorientation is no match for the vivid memory of Breakneck Ridge and the silent forest she met at the foot of the mountains.

They hadn’t come to this place though. No, this place... this place is sacred. It’s her place. The only place left that truly belongs to her and only her. 

She rises to her feet. And the leaves rise with her.

She watches them swirl around her and float away, creating a trail. The wind rustles the trees and they sway, urging Marley to follow.

She starts at a walk. As the wind picks up, so does her pace, until she’s running through the woods, following the leaves. She can hear the rush of water from the brook, the distant murmur of conversation and light laughter. The trees whisper and hum pleasantly as she passes by. Birds sing cheerfully. 

She remembers this. Remembers what it used to be. Remembers how it ends.

But she still runs forward, doesn’t stop. Not until she reaches the clearing.

The mighty red oak stands tall and proud. Thick vines wrap their way around its trunk and mingle with its many branches. As she moves to stand at the foot of the tree, tiny pink and white petals bloom, spiraling from base to the tips of every branch.

‘About time you showed up. I’ve been waiting!’

Marley’s brow furrows. It’s not Millie’s voice greeting her. Had the leaf not worked?

‘Yoo-hoo, up here, Miss Ambivalence!’

Her heart lurches and stop. Lurches and stops. She rubs a hand over her chest and looks up at the mass of red leaves and white flowers.

‘Climb on up! We both know you want to!’

That voice... she huffs out a breath, shakes out her hands, then grasps the lowest, sturdiest branch and starts to climb. And climb. And climb.

The air is thinner up here. Purer. Her chest feels heavier the further she climbs. She almost slips halfway up, losing her footing and digging her thorns into the branch above her. Her heart lurches again. She swallows back the flash of fear and hoists herself up.

‘Keep going, you’re almost there!’

The voice is closer now. Marley knows she’s nearing the top of her tree, her secret hiding place. Just a little further now...

She reaches the last weight-bearing branch before they start thinning out, short of breath and warm despite the cool autumn air. Her heart races and stops. Races again. She breathes deep, blows it back out.

‘I remember the last time we came here,’ the voice murmurs, and see turns to see the wild-haired, green-eyed girl sitting beside her. ‘That Patrice was a real bitch. Guess it makes sense she’s a petunia, huh? Petty little flowers.’

Marley watches her other self run a hand through dark hair streaked with blond, making it more tangled than it was before. Other Marley doesn’t seem to care much.

“You’re not the one I came here to talk to,” she answers bluntly, surprising herself. “I thought I got rid of you.”

‘I am you, dummy,’ Other Marley chuckles. ‘I’m always with you. You’re stuck with me until the Aether says otherwise.’

Marley rolls her eyes.

“Well, you need to go. I’m expecting someone.”

‘You sure about that?’

“Positive.”

Other Marley shrugs as though to say whatever, crossing one leg over the knee and leaning back against the trunk. She seems to indulge Marley for all of a minute before speaking up again.

‘Pest! That’s what she called us,’ Other Marley exclaims, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘Thorny little pest. Weedy beast. We were only trying to help harvest the pollen from the fields but Aether forbid a middle-tier Fae have to deal with low-level shrubs like us-’

“Please... stop,” Marley replies tersely, tone rising, then settling once more.

‘I see we’re still sensitive about that, huh?’ Other Marley raises a brow, bemused. ‘I thought we were moving beyond the Fae. Picking a side.’

“Yeah, well you’re me. You know how not easy that is.”

‘Oh, bullshit. You can’t lie to me.’

Marley crosses her arms over her chest. Other Marley nudges her with her elbow.

‘Come on, Rosie. Let’s talk. What’s new? Tell me where that perfectly glamoured head is.’

Marley pulls her own arm away and scoots down the branch a few inches.

‘Marrrrrrrley-’

“STOP.”

‘If you won’t talk to me then I’m just gonna have to kick your ass again,’ Other Marley muses. Marley glares.

“You know what it is - there’s a prophecy about me and it involves the world coming to an end, and the Fae just want to... they just want it to end,” she blurts out, clearly frustrated. Heart lurches and stops. “I don’t understand why!”

‘You want to help,’ Other Marley prompts.

“But I don’t know how,” Marley finishes. “Not when the Ambassador is saying we have to just accept what’s coming.”

Other Marley gives her a wry smile.

‘Cutting ties isn’t easy, is it?’ she tsks. ‘And so the saga of fence-sitting continues.’

“I’m not fence-sitting!” Marley argues. “I’ve been telling my friends. I told them about the vision and the prophecy. I formed a guild. I said I wanted to fight what was coming, not sit around waiting for the end to come.”

‘Yes, you’ve said it,’ Other Marley nods. ‘To your friends... but not to your ‘sisters’.’

Ouch. The words make Marley’s brain hurt. They make her whole body hurt as it tenses, then twitches. 

‘You haven’t given them your answer. For shame, Marley Rose!’

“I’m not exactly everyone’s favorite Fae-”

‘That’s a poor excuse. Call it what it is - you’re stalling.’

Lurch and stop.

‘You’re scared shitless to cut that cord because what if the other half of your life disappears? What if everyone from your life at NYADA walks away or disappears like you’re so convinced will happen? Then what? Where do you go? To who do you go?’

Marley covers her ears. Lurch and stop. Lurch and stop.

‘The Fae are your contingency plan. Because green blood is thicker than water, right?’

“Seriously, shut up,” Marley says in exasperation. “They’re not a contingency. I have my friends. I have a girlfriend-”

‘-who you passed over for belladonna,’ Other Marley reminds her. ‘A leaf, Marley! A leaf and an imaginary substitute for a sister you know is long dead. I thought we were done being reckless?’

“Me, reckless?”

‘Yes, you. Did you not hear the comment about playing with deadly nightshade?’ Other Marley shakes her head. ‘You say you want to stop the world from ending and yet you’re wilfully poisoning yourself. As though you don’t care that your silly attempt to see Millie again could be your last.’

“Well, it wouldn’t be the worst way to go!”

Everything around them falls to a hush. The trees stop whispering. The wind stills. Even Other Marley pauses, lips forming an ‘oh’ as both her eyebrows rise once more.

‘Woah,’ she whistles low. ‘You know, I was gonna wait and let us deal with that closer to the end of the world, but since you brought it up-’

“Shut up.”

Marley reaches for the branch overhead then and moves to start making her way back down the tree. Other Marley stands up as well and follows suit, much to Marley’s annoyance.

‘Is that why you stole that book?’ she asks curiously. ‘The one with Delmira’s legend in it?’

Marley pauses mid-descent, chest squeezing, body jerking. She almost loses grip on the branch. Other Marley presses further.

‘You really think that’s what’s gonna happen to you. That you’re gonna have to die in order to stop all of this.’

“I thought prophecies were hokey bullshit and that Delmira’s story... I didn’t think that had to be my story,” Marley admits, grimacing as she hangs on. “But then I saw the vision for myself and I... I’m just an ordinary Fae. I’m a weed! An invasive species. I’m nothing special and yet somehow I’m part of this horrific thing and I’m terrified. And it doesn’t help that everything is just shit right now. The government is shit, Bloodline witches are shit, NYADA staff is shit-”

‘Damn, I don’t think I’ve ever heard us say ‘shit’ so many times in one sitting!’ Other Marley marvels with a laugh.

“Aether, you’re so annoy-” She jerks again, squeaking as she loses her footing and falls. Other Marley catches her by the wrist, lifting her up like it’s nothing.

‘Even in the forest of your mind, you’re trying to get yourself killed,’ Other Marley rolls her eyes, setting Marley down on the branch. She takes a seat next to her. ‘Look, I get it. The world is a scary place right now. Nothing is certain. But the world was like that before you knew about a prophecy before you ever came to NYADA. You might think there are better ways to go than trying to save everyone from a giant, earth-shaking tree, but... inviting death before the Aether’s timing isn’t the answer. It’s a crime against nature.’

Marley knows this. It doesn’t make it any easier to hear though. Nor does the admission of such a dark, deeply suppressed piece of herself sit well with her. Is this really what it’s come to once again - risky behavior? She purses her lips together, avoiding Other Marley’s gaze.

“I don’t want them to know about her story,” she admits. “I’ve already told them so much. Too much... that would be too much, especially if it turns out to be true. If it turns out I have to.”

Other Marley places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

‘You have so much to stick around for,’ she reminds her. ‘Including helping your friends save the world, and I mean to say that in the least hokey, sentimental way possible. So let’s ease up on the intentional recklessness, okay?’

“I’ll try,” Marley nods, rubbing the back of her neck. Her stomach feels funny, as does her heart. “I think I should go. I don’t feel so good.”

‘I’ve got you covered.’

Other Marley holds up her hand and gives it a flourish, tender green vines sprouting from her fingertips. They wrap themselves around Marley’s waist and, with a gentle push off the branch, lower her down to the ground. She’s shaky on her feet but braces a hand against the trunk as the vines snake back up into the canopy above.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, eyes still cast upward. Other Marley doesn’t answer. All at once though, the forest comes back to life - birds chirping, wind rustling the trees, leaves crunching beneath her feet. She pushes off the tree and starts a slow path back the way she came. 

But the way back feels different than the way in. Every few steps, her body tenses and jerks, causing her to stumble. Her heart races but instead of stopping, it only moves faster. Faster. Straining uncomfortably in her chest. It becomes harder to breathe the faster her heart beats... she just has to make it back to the clearing. Back to the start.

She jerks again, tripping on a root and sending her crashing into a pile of leaves.

I’ll be standing there beside you, right when the storm comes through.

‘Marley? Marley, can you hear me?’

Her whole body aches. Her head is throbbing and she feels sick to her stomach.  A hand brushes her hair back out of her face. It’s then she realizes she’s on the floor of her room, broken out in a sweat. She tries to sit up, but her body doesn’t cooperate. Her heavy-lidded eyes try to make out who is there in the room with her but her vision is hazy.

She opens her mouth to speak, but only a croak of a sound comes out rather than words. I don’t want to die, she thinks (no, screams) desperately. Not yet. I can’t die yet.

‘It’s okay, Marley,’ Poppy chirps in reassurance, her voice overlapping with one that shakes with worry.

‘It’s gonna be okay, Marley,’ Olivia promises, smoothing Marley’s hair. ‘We’re gonna help you.’

[mmoruki]

NBA 2K21 is fun to play

Nevertheless, there are Nba 2k21 Mt already a couple annoying gameplay problems I've come across, also. Fastbreaks seem marginally enhanced, but player spacing continues to be noticeably off. For example, even my best three-point shooters will monitor inside the three-point lineup on fast breaks when they'd be better off finding space in the corner. In general, it feels like NBA 2K21 hasn't completely adapted to the accent modern NBA basketball has set on the three-point line. Quick catch-and-shoots aren't as common as they should be, and closing out remains far too easy on defense.

Likewise frustrating is the CPU's capacity to create difficulties for itself. It served as a jarring reminder I was not, in actuality, experiencing a true game of NBA basketball. The manner has a decent set of features built into it , but that is the second year in a row with no noteworthy advancements. As someone who loves to deep-dive into franchise building, it is really disappointing that there's so little effort being placed into the mode.

Thankfully, MyTeam has ditched its horrible casino aesthetic out of last year. Make no mistake, even however -- even though it looks different, it still seems heavily determined by microtransactions and buying packs. Like I said in last year's inspection, it is clear that MyTeam's central goal is to extract as much money as you are prepared to give up in order to prevent having to grind out mundane challenges to progress, and it does not seem anything has changed in this department.

There does seem to be an emphasis on customization for MyTeam this year: you can now select different skill paths for your evolution cards, like focusing on athleticism or playmaking, which should help direct players to better match under my personal playing style.Over the long weekend I will be diving deeper into game modes, including the brand new school-age story effort, the re-designed Neighborhood, WNBA quickplay, and online play before wrapping up this review prior to the end of next week.

Overall, in the little I have gotten to encounter so far NBA 2K21 is fun to play it could be a surprise if it did some thing that destroys a good thing. It is only a shame , so far, the game manners do not do much to place exciting or interesting new spins on it in contrast to what we saw this past year.

As it is designed to give everyone an notion about what the new variant will offer in its on-court gameplay, we have asked our reviewer to consider in on the changes he's seen so far as the first installment of our review in progress. 2K has informed us that inspection copies for NBA 2K21 will not be accessible until September 3, that is essentially launch day (formally September 4, but that usually means the night of the previous day in our Pacific time zone). We'll have updated beliefs of the entire game as soon as you can, and we are going to strive to get our final review ready by the end of mt for sale 2k21 the following week.

[jennymanrique]

Orgullo Hispano Group welcomes LGBTQ immigrants

Carlos González, left, and Jesús Gallardo exchange gifts and hugs during a Christmas party for LGBT Latinos at the Resource Center in Dallas on December 16, 2018. Photo: Ben Torres

For a little over five years, Martín Balderrama has been devoting two Mondays of his month to meet with a group of friends-turned-family to talk about sexually transmitted diseases, condoms, medication, prevention and —of course— what unites them as Hispanics: their shared experience of being LGBTQ immigrants.

 This Monday, December 19th, was not the exception.

 About 20 Latinos over age 18, self-identified as gay, bisexual, transgender and queer, listened to Balderrama as he led a Christmas party with Secret Santa, dinner, hugs and, most of all, acceptance and tolerance.

 "We are contributing our two cents to make Hispanic-speaking people aware of protection and the risks we face in our sex lives and as members of the gay community," said Balderrama, a leader of Grupo Orgullo Hispano (GOH), an offshoot of Resource Center, a nonprofit promoting physical, emotional and social health among the LGBTQ community in Dallas.

 Balderrama is a natural leader. For the occasion, he donned a Christmas hat and came up with a new Secret Santa system using numbers and colors.

 Born in a small town in Sonora, Mexico, bordering Arizona, he never found a space where he could feel comfortable with his sexuality, let alone find free HIV tests or talking openly about the use of PrEP, an antiviral drug that helps lessen the risk of getting the virus, even though it doesn't replace condoms.

 "This is a new drug. Many young people are using it, but they don't use protection because they think they no longer need it," Balderrama, who is married to a U.S. citizen, said.

 "We have stressed there are many venereal diseases PrEP doesn't protect from. This group understands that and shares it with their husbands, partners and friends who are not coming to the group."

 GOH members have become ambassadors for these conversations.

 They invite ever more Hispanics to do community work promoting a healthier community in bars and inclusive churches.

 They also take part in peaceful civil protests advocating for their rights.

 "It's refreshing having a place outside the night clubs where regulations are a lot healthier, with a nice vibe and where you feel welcome from the start," said Jesús Gallardo, 37, from San Luis Potosí, Mexico, who came to Dallas about seven years ago with his husband, Richard Puga, 31.

 "Unfortunately, we don't represent a real percentage of the Hispanic gay community out there because they are used to a different atmosphere. Hopefully, many more would dare to come here."

 Although most members are immigrants from Mexico, there are also some Puerto Ricans, Colombians, Peruvians and Cuban José Manuel Santana.

 Even though the National Assembly of Cuba voted this year to legalize same-sex marriage and for a ban on discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation and gender identity, that's not the Cuba Santana knew as he grew up, where homophobia was rampant and the state promoted aversion therapies for the so called effeminates.

 "I arrived here five years ago from Cuba. Everything down there is complicated," Santana said.

 "Here in Dallas I'm free. I have had the experience of coming into a great family. I have my partner, and I can be myself," he said.

 Santana is married to a U.S. citizen, who's the only non-Latino member of the group, although a son of Basque parents.

 In Mexico, same-sex marriage is legal in a dozen states and Mexico City. But the country still lacks a national law.

 "I know many things have changed, but when I lived there [in Mexico], gay people had to live under the rope (sic), gathering in small groups at private homes. Otherwise you risked getting beaten or even killed," said Luis Berrios, a 51-year-old hairdresser from Torreón, Coahuila.

 "Now, there are more spaces where you can claim your rights, but machismo in Latin America is strong and people here have overcome that," he added.

 However, all agreed that tolerance and inclusivity gets thinner and more complex as you cross certain borders in North Texas.

 In Plano, Fort Worth and Frisco suburbs, those spaces no longer feel that safe.

 It isn't easy for two men to walk hand in hand on the streets or show mutual affection.

 The reason behind Dallas being called an "alternative" city, it is because its gay community has grown substantially: There exist whole neighborhoods where they're part of the local identity and even churches like Cathedral of Hope, where LGBTQ people can profess their religion and hear mass in Spanish.

 "It is true that we have been able to celebrate some achievements together, like when same-sex marriage became law nationwide,” Balderrama said.

 "But we have had to also address the hate crimes and the attacks against our community that sometimes make national headlines."

 They face hate incidents, as when Gallardo and Purga turned out to vote and a man handed them a flyer saying marriage is exclusively a man-and-woman business.

 But also other, more violent ones, as the shooting on early October in a San Antonio gay bar, where three people were injured.

 Especially worrisome for them are some policies of President Donald Trump, who wants to roll back Obama administration gains for their community, like transgender public school students being able to use bathrooms matching to their gender identity, and the recruitment of transgender men and women in the military.

 "Before Trump was elected, we were encouraging those eligible to vote to do it, because we saw many changes coming for us — but not just because we're gay, but because we're immigrants," Balderrama said.

 "We invited immigration experts to give us a talk. Even someone from the police came to explain what we could do if ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agents showed up at our houses."

Those who haven't come out of the closet

 Disinformation is also a concern.

 "In Dallas, a high rate of Latinos is getting infected from sexually transmitted diseases, higher than other populations — and all because of lack of awareness", Carlos Grimaldi, a 35-year-old Puerto Rican and a father of two, said.

 "That ignorance and taboos are what our group is trying to eradicate. Sadly, many of the people getting the diseases haven't come out of the closet because they're ashamed and make the mistake of foregoing protection for fear of asking or for not knowing how to navigate the system. People in that grey zone are our greatest concern."

 The group has made it possible for some members to acknowledge their bisexuality and freely share the traumas they carry from their home countries, were largely macho cultures are the rule.

 Here, they learn everything from how to use condoms to how to prepare for sex life with information they don't usually get at school or from their parents.

 "Here at the Resource Center clinic, we hand out condoms for free, offer free HIV tests and help in Spanish. Many people are ashamed of asking. It's a silly shame, because all of us have a sex life and it should be totally normal," Balderrama said.

 Isis Salazar, the only transgender woman in the group who joined five years ago, admitted she would never have approached the group if it wasn't for the invitation from a transexual woman.

 She came in after going through a depression because of a breakup.

 Originally from Guadalajara, Jalisco, from where she emigrated at 13, Salazar said she was immediately accepted by all the men of the group and that she hasn't faced problems to express her gender identity.

 "I told my mom that I was gay when I was 15 in high school,”, said Salazar, 42. “Since then I knew I wanted to go further and not be just a gay boy," she said.

 "I started to meet transgender girls and I asked them about the steps I had to do for the transition. When I started taking hormones I told my mom. Being from a Mexican family, although she did not take it badly, there were difficulties at first."

Now, she said, her whole family, including brothers and nephews, accept her for what she is, and though she sometimes hear "derogatory" or "demeaning" comments from customers at her workplace, she has never had issues using ladies' restrooms at public places.

 "The LGBTQ experience is unique," she said. "But for us [in the group], it's about having found a real family here in Dallas."

Want to read this piece in Spanish? Click here

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Paper代写：The job hunt

本篇paper代写- The job hunt讨论了求职问题。现在越来越多的毕业生抱怨大学学历不等于就业，这是真的。俗话说万事开头难，在找工作之前，我们应该提前做好准备。如果你的专业是商业和管理，那么首先要对行业有��些了解，知道在行业真正需要的技能和资格。其次，你的简历和求职信要尽量满足这些要求。本篇paper代写由51due代写平台整理，供大家参考阅读。

Nowadays more and more graduates complain that getting a college degree doesn’t equal to employment, that’s true. There is a serious situation we have to face is that we need to get ourselves a job, let alone a dream and satisfactory one. And the saying goes everything begins with difficulties, my philosophy is that, before finding a job, we should get ourselves well prepared in advance. For example, I major in business and management, I should first gain some insight into the industries, knowing what skills and qualifications are really demanded in it. Second, I try to make my curriculum vitae, and cover letter meet these demands as possible as I can, however, I cannot claim myself to be someone that actually I am not. Upon completing these preparations, I will then start filling out applications. In the applying and interviewing process, I might get some feedbacks from the HR department of companies and from the interviewers, and I could then adjust my job-finding plan and my profile. Actually this is also reflexive process in which I grew from being unconscious and incompetence to becoming conscious and competence, most of all, I feel more confident sending my applications to companies.

Why do people think curriculum vitae and cover letter are important? It is not about telling others who we are and what we’re able to, but the communication between the applicants and the companies. Reflexivity goes beyond simply reflecting back over what has happened. Before making this I do search a lot of information from website, and I felt it was easy. But now I don’t think so, I am a bit anxious about how to start this process as I had seldom applied for any jobs, especially when I have to meet the position’s demands as much as I can. There’s no doubt that curriculum vitae and cover letter are quite important, for that might be the only way for the HR manager to know about us, our information, education background, internship or part-time jobs or relevant working experience, as well as the social activities we joined in, and talent skills, etc. In such a rapidly changing world, the society is asking more from the graduates, capacities like creativity and innovative skills, teamwork and leadership are also the qualifications to expect. From my own experience, I know that most of the companies are interested about applicant’s education, job experience and talent skill, and most of all, the matching of the applicants to the position, which shall be a focus and potential difficulties in the applying process. We must learn to “build” our documents. First of all, from what we have learned during lectures and seminars, such as the communication and presentation skills, CV’s booklet, interviews, management skills, even lectures on how to prepare for an interview, to navigate in jobs market and to develop portfolio, psychometrics assessment centers.

And for me, one of the most useful point is communication and presentation skills for example, we must feel anxiety when we having an interview, but how we solve the problem from the learning. I think the key to it is to find out the reasons behind these anxieties. For example, some of us are born with the fear of speaking in front of the public, which is quite common. While some of us might be too concerned about the evaluations in the interviews and presentations, which might put some pressure on our mind, etc. Having found out what makes us anxiety, we will then try to fix the problem. There are also some useful tips here: first of all, we have to face it, acknowledging the anxiety is not a shame, it’s quite normal, we should then target our audience, for example, in an interview, the interviewers are our audience, they are here because they want to see if “I” am qualified for the position they are offering. In the process, we’d better pay attention to some eye contact, which might show our respectfulness and engagement. Always bear in mind, an interview or a presentation is a very formal communication rather then simple chatting. We must structure our talking. Rehearse the questions the interviewers might ask and find out what answers they might expect from you. And learn to shift our attention to the audience, getting feedbacks and make quick adjustment to be more confident in interviews.

The next is CV’s booklet; I still remember three questions how to make a great CV. Before that, there are several aspects that I should take a review of myself first, for example, to start with, I will ask myself: first, what are my strengths? After four years’ education, what skills I have acquired and I can bring to my future employer? Third, what industry I’m going to plunge into?

In the very beginning, I just completely have no idea, though I know these three questions are critical. But now I have the answer in my mind, and that help build the framework for a professional CV. I still remember what the lecture had told us: when we are the new blood for the company, it is very important to bring value to the company. For this lessen, the key point is empathy. Taking a view from the company, to run the company well, what are the competitive and strength of the company in the market, and what the company will hope its employees to bring to foster these competitive and strength.

There is saying goes that the devil is in the detail. We are supposed to pay attention to format and layout, spelling and grammar, and how to describe skills, strengths and achievements correctly and properly in our cover letter. There is something we can do and we’d better not do in this process, for example, we should do make our CV relevant to the position; we’d better prepared several versions of our CV to different companies. And we can highlight our most relevant experience, which can make you stand out, especially in a quick glance. However, as we’re fresh out of school and don’t have so much relevant experience or we want to hop into a new industry, don’t be afraid, we can list those transferable skills and qualities; we can also show our potential skills by using facts and details.

And the next knowledge point is navigating jobs market and developing portfolio, and how to developing our application portfolio, we should ask ourselves following question; who am I and what do I want? Who are employers and what roles do they have? Does this all match up (gaps)? Keeping on top of it all, we should know what exactly.

My target profession is working in airline companies, which has complete welfare system. For me, the most important part is we have a lot of opportunities to develop ourselves. In conclusion, there is big stage for us to develop and future career in the international companies. In order to better fit this job, I search the internet for some information about different positions in these companies and see if I meet their demands. For example, a famous airplane company put a recruitment ad on the internet, which reads they are looking for an e-commerce officer; the working place is in Beijing, China. And the requirements are like they want someone who is proactive and results-driven, obeying company management and, most of all, someone who can help increase company sales online. Bachelor degree is a must, and they want someone who knows well of online business (related experience preferred). The candidate should be able to manage at least two of the following aspects such as email marketing, social media promotion, etc.

From this, we all know what kind of candidate they are looking for, and what we should prepare from now on. Since I major in business and management, we’ve took the e-commerce class before, and now I’d better apply what I’ve been taught into real business practice. Nowadays e-commerce has influenced the world economy in countless ways, and will keep a trend in the future. While a successful e-commerce entrepreneur knows well of the advantages and disadvantages in this field and they could make preparations and plans in advance. That’s the way I’m heading for in my career plan.

For my personality strength, I am confident about this, first of all ,language strength ,I can speak fluency English and Chinese, which can help me better to communicate with the foreign colleague, and another things is I am familiar with Chinese mass media, such as embarking program, which is part of our subject, besides I am learning French from my classmate, most of the classmates are came  from all over the world, they have different culture ,which make me recognize the diversified world culture. Secondly I have strong innovation and creativity in business; teamwork and leadership in management perspective, good at communicate, and have a good relationship with classmates and professors. They are really friendly to me when I get into trouble, which touched me a lot, and I remember it all the time.

In the last, I think that having a high emotional intelligence quotient isn’t always considered one of the most important employee strengths, but a misconception. Being able to read other people, understand them and interact with them in ways that are affirming, positive and beneficial are extremely important, because of this, I read a lot books on human psychology, which I think might help me better deal with the colleagues in the working field.

Two more thing are becoming more and more important as to my field is the innovation and creativity in business as well as the teamwork and leadership in management. Actually, “innovation” and “creativity” are quite often mentioned interchangeably, however, there is still difference in them. When we talk about creativity, we usually refer to new ideas, while innovation means to put these new ideas into realization. We can easily come up with news thoughts and ideas, but how many of them can be really implemented? Very few, I would conclude. Therefore, it comes to me that I should not only pay attention to keep a record of my ideas and thoughts but also notice to put them into implementation. I’m always focused, once I make up my mind, I will stick to the end, which I would say it’s also my strength.

As for teamwork and leadership in management, though it’s a repeatedly mentioned topic, we surprisingly find that actually we know very little about how to effectively lead the team and make the team members work cooperatively. Individually, we should first know how to work with others. Sometimes team members just differ in opinions and can’t agree with each other. At the moment, all the team members should bear in mind that we are all committed to the organization goal, that’s the key to the teamwork, and then just put aside the disagrees and come back to the most important point soon. We should also not take any disputes too personal, being in a team, all the members are equal and unique, and the communication is open, honest and respectful. Besides, we should also learn to appreciate others’ merits. “Many hands make light job”, we are employees of different living environment, education background and personal experience. Working together can make most of everyone’s wits and labors. And for this, I will learn to better cooperate with my classmates to accumulate experiences in teamwork.

I think the process to build CV and cover letter is also the process to rediscover myself, through this process, I will have a much clearer view of my future career plan, better know my strength and shortcomings, researching into what my future job is really demanding from me. Through reflexive activity, I do feel more confident about my future.

References

Dweck, C. (2006) Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Random House.

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[itsjaybullme]

Gaming Roundup: Holiday 2017 Edition

1 of 10

1. Destiny 2

Courtesy of Activision

A more-than-worthy successor to the 2014 phenomenon, Destiny 2 shows how closely Bungie listened to its community, building on the co-op and competitive aspects that made the original so great and improving on the story, which most players agreed was lacking. Destiny 2’s campaign is a complete, satisfying experience, even if it only deepened the mystery around the Traveler’s origins. Even leveling up feels simpler, if only because most veteran players have already established their preferred playstyle, taking tough decisions about which direction to move your character out of the equation. Shooter tradition almost demands that you finish the campaign before hopping into multiplayer, but it’s probably smarter to mine as much XP and gear as you can through crucible matches before going too far solo. With a stronger character, you’ll breeze through the story. The Collector’s Edition of this game is one of the crazier editions we’ve seen; it comes with an ornately detailed leather bag and triangular metal tube, modeled after the one carried by a character named Suraya. That tube opens up and folds out into a portable solar-powered USB charging station. It also includes a bevy of printed collectibles, a steelbook edition of the game, and a pass for DLC packs I and II.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

2 of 10

2. Super Mario Odyssey

Courtesy Image

On the surface, we’ve got this: The same Mario game you’ve played a hundred times, only now he’s got a boomerang hat. Play beyond the first 30 minutes, though, and you’ll discover an almost flawless game in every detail, sure to be one of your new personal faves. Switch owners were hoping for a worthy Mario game to help cement the system as a success. Nintendo over-delivered in spades, shipping a game that leapfrogged to the top of the Game of the Year discussion, and somehow entered the Best Game of All Time discussion. It’s hard to argue with any of that buzz. The rhythm, balance, and pace of Super Mario Odyssey is perfect, a confounding feat considering its open-world nature. At times it can feel like Nintendo has a patent on human curiosity and joy. That’s how effortlessly this game can make you feel like a kid again.

Available on: Nintendo Switch

3 of 10

3. Call of Duty WWII

Courtesy of Activision

The first campaign stage on Normandy Beach feels like a playable version of the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan. It’s brutal and frantic, and sets the tone for this welcome return to Call of Duty’s roots. Multiplayer and zombie modes are as tight as ever, but what makes this one stick with you is a story that respects the real sacrifices made by the Greatest Generation. That lifeline to the real world gives it some staying power that’s just not possible to achieve in a far-flung sci-fi adventure. As long as this much love and attention goes into each iteration, we’re completely fine with COD coming out every year.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

4 of 10

4. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus

Courtesy of Bethesda

A story about Nazis taking over America wasn’t supposed to have the kind of real-world resonance that it currently does, but that’s where we are. Setting aside that unpleasant reality, The New Colossus is a brilliant follow-up to 2014’s The New Order, with you picking up right where BJ Blazkowicz left off (spoiler alert: he survived the first game’s climactic scene). Just as it did with the first game, developer Machine Games eschewed a multiplayer mode altogether, focusing entirely on an engrossing single-player experience. That shines through in everything from its smooth gameplay mechanics to its distinct characters you can actually remember. It’s a bold, old-school mentality, but the payoff is huge. Makes you wish more developers would have the guts to follow suit.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

5 of 10

5. South Park: The Fractured But Whole

Courtesy of Ubisoft

This giant, 15-hour episode of South Park is so funny and packed with clever satire it deserves to be mentioned with the best South Park multi-episode arcs ever. (It’s right on par with the Imaginationland trilogy, the Black Friday trilogy, and the Coon series.) That would be reason enough to make this a mandatory purchase for South Park fans, but the fact that it’s a surprisingly deep and well-crafted RPG seals the deal. You have a ton of options for character development, from how you look to how you fight. The racial commentary is also sadly spot on. For starters, you select the difficulty of the game with a skin color slider—white is easy, tan is difficult, black is very difficult. As you get deeper into the game there’s a sequence where the South Park cops task you with taking down a supposedly infamous drug dealer, who turns out to just be a black guy in a nice house. Ouch. That’s South Park at its best and most biting.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

6 of 10

6. Gran Turismo Sport

Courtesy of Sony

It’s been four years since a Gran Turismo game came out, and with Forza firmly in command of the biggest virtual garage in gaming, GT put its efforts elsewhere, namely online play and VR. Serious players will get a kick out of the online mode. Over time, it’s easy to imagine that players with low sportsmanship ratings—those involved in the most pileups—will be shunned and shamed. While you can’t take VR online or into the campaign, it’s a pretty awesome arcade experience (if you’re not susceptible to motion sickness). With the price of the VR headset dropping $100 for the holidays, and with a steadily growing library to go with it, Gran Turismo Sport stands as another worthy selling point, and you can now get it bundled with the headset.

Available on: PS4

7 of 10

7. Crash Bandicoot: N-Sane Trilogy

Courtesy of Activision

Crash never looked so good, from the newly rendered opening sequence to all three PS One games remastered in HD to smooth out his jagged polygons. Those are welcome changes because the core gameplay has aged well, even for an on-the-rails 3D platformer. Everything is slick and responsive, and once you get going you won’t rest until you smash every crate on every level. One downer: long load times are one of the few carryovers from '90s games that don’t satisfy any nostalgic urge.

Available on: PS4

8 of 10

8. Forza 7

Courtesy of Microsoft

What was missing from a racing series that has given you an accurate representation of nearly every car on the planet? You probably didn’t say story mode, but you won’t be sorry that that’s what you got. It’s actually a perfect way for the game to sink its hooks into you and get you to sample a ton of different tracks, cars, and weather conditions right out of the gate. The replay value is huge; you can unlock a whopping 700 lovingly detailed cars. Forza 7 is also the poster child for enhancements on the Xbox One X, but it looks good no matter how you’re playing.

Available on: Xbox One, PC

9 of 10

9. Middle Earth: Shadow of War

Courtesy of WB Games

The first Middle Earth game played fast and loose with Tolkien lore while borrowing heavily from the Arkham series gameplay mechanics. The result was a shock: tight and cohesive, and hands down the best game of 2014. Shadow of War finds the co-main characters Talion and Celebrimbor forging a new ring of power to destroy the inhabitants of Mordor for a story that leaves off just before the events of The Lord of the Rings. Developer Monolith jacked up the dials on everything that worked in the original: the nemesis system, your ability tree, and the brutal combat animations, which have all been expanded and polished. For an open world game, the pace remains lightning fast because it’s just so densely packed. Wander in any direction and you’ll discover something, be it a collectible, a side mission, or a pack of enemies to sneak up on.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

10 of 10

10. Cuphead

Courtesy of Microsoft

Styled after early 20th century cartoons, Cuphead has been the subject of much anticipation since it was first teased three years ago. It’s a standard platformer, but one that looked so unique everyone wanted to pick it up. Now that it’s finally out we know what took so long: every frame you see was drawn by hand, from the main characters Cuphead and Mugman, to the level bosses, to the top-down map where the locations pulse with life, an intentional side-effect of hand animation. And in true throwback fashion, this gameplay is solid, difficult, and addictive. For $20, you can’t say no to this.

Available on: Xbox One, PC

TOP 10 GAMES OF THE YEAR

1. Horizon Zero Dawn

2. Super Mario Odyssey

3. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus

4. Destiny 2

5. Zelda: Breath of the Wild

6. South Park: The Fractured But Whole

7. Middle Earth: Shadow of War

8. Injustice 2

9. For Honor

10. Call of Duty WWII

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[raystart]

How to Beat the Imposter Syndrome Feeling

Every other creative professional you know has succeeded largely because of their talents and dedication. You, on the other hand, have got where you are thanks to a mix of luck and the extra effort that was needed to compensate for your lack of true giftedness.

Does this harsh assessment match your own worldview? If so, it sounds as if you are suffering from a crisis of self-doubt that psychologists call the Imposter Phenomenon. Quite likely you live in professional fear. Fear that one of these days, you are going to be exposed. That the mirage of serendipitous and barely-made-it achievements that is your career will one day be lifted, revealing to your peers and mentors the shameful truth – you flunked it.

The imposter phenomenon was first described in the 1970s by clinical psychologists working at a women’s college, after they noticed that a large proportion of the students felt nervous of their academic success and were worried of having their true capabilities exposed. Since then it’s become apparent that men and women in all walks of life experience imposter feelings: in fact, one recent estimate (pdf) suggests that around 70 percent of us will go through a period of these self-doubts at least once in our lives.

It seems plausible that the syndrome might particularly affect those of us working in creative industries. In our world there is a pervasive myth that there is a minority of super achievers who are born with a magical gift, while the rest of us mortals struggle by with our ordinary talents. For a creative who’s enjoyed a degree of success, it’s understandable that he or she might especially worry that this was founded on luck or effort rather than true creative talent. 

Unfortunately, new research has begun to show just how harmful the Imposter Phenomenon can be to careers. Researchers at the University of Salzburg recently surveyed over 200 professionals and found that those experiencing the syndrome tended to get paid less, were less likely to have won promotions, and were usually less satisfied in their work and less committed.

Thankfully, psychology research has also revealed a lot about the mindset and behaviors of the typical Imposter Syndrome sufferer and based on these insights we suggest the following simple strategies to help reduce your Imposter feelings and protect your career.

1. Learn to be a healthy perfectionist

A recent study by Belgian psychologists of over 200 staff in three different industries, including finance and human resources, found that feelings of Imposter Syndrome went hand in hand with high scores on a measure of “maladaptive perfectionism” (These individuals agreed with questionnaire items like “I should be upset when I make a mistake.”) and with low scores on adaptive perfectionism. (They disagreed with items like “I set higher goals for myself than most people.”)

People who exhibit unhealthy perfectionism are fearful of failure, fearful of criticism, hate making mistakes, stew over past errors, and worry excessively about disappointing others. You can counter this by trying to develop a healthy perfectionist approach, which is about striving to do as well as possible, for yourself, not for outside approval; and not worrying excessively about mistakes or set-backs.

2. Avoid defensive pessimism and self-handicapping

Sufferers of Imposterism are also especially prone to shame and anxiety – when things go wrong. They think it reveals something essential about their lack of ability and talent. Motivated to avoid these uncomfortable feelings, the person who sees themselves as a fake will frequently adopt either or both of two psychological habits when confronted by a new challenge: defensive pessimism, which is about fearing the worst and trying to avoid it happening, for example through working excessively hard.

The other is self-handicapping, which is when you deliberately imperil your own chances, for example by procrastinating and only working on a project last-minute, thus giving yourself a ready-made excuse for when things go wrong.

These two approaches sound like a contradiction, but actually each feeds into a similar spiral of harmful thinking that can turn fleeting feelings of Imposterism into a chronic, debilitating state of mind. If and when, despite all this negative thinking, success comes, the defensively pessimistic Imposter, rather than celebrating, interprets his/her achievement as due to unsustainable levels of effort – and assumes that this grind was much more than anyone else needed to invest. The procrastinating Imposter, meanwhile, sees his success as surely due to luck. (Because after all, he just winged it.)

If this way of working sounds familiar, perhaps you are trapping yourself in an Imposter mindset. Part of the solution is to revisit your motives. Try to rediscover, if you can, the joy of creation for its own sake. Don’t see the outcome of your next project as some kind of barometer of your worth. Believe in yourself and break the Imposter spiral by putting in the work and effort that you feel this particular project deserves and requires based on its merit and difficulty level.

3. Listen to other people’s honest stories

According to the early research on Imposterism by the psychologist Pauline Clance, people prone to the syndrome hang a lot of their feelings of self-worth on being exceptional. Yet, in creative careers, if we enjoy some success, our peer group changes. We find ourselves surrounded by more high-achieving people. This makes it increasingly difficult to feel special, and moreover, it’s easy to assume that everyone else got here through effortless talent, as compared with our own mix of luck and exhausting effort. And yet this is an illusion. In reality, behind the most impressive professional resumes there will be a litany of set-backs, direction changes, and moments of doubt.  As Oliver Burkeman wrote here at 99U: “the truth, deep down, is that we all feel as though we’re just winging it.” One powerful antidote to Imposter feelings is to take the time to talk to trusted peers and mentors about their careers. Listen to their stories and experiences and you’ll likely discover that nothing came easy.

4. We can help each other

Seeing that feelings of Imposterism are fueled by anxiety, low self-esteem and self-doubt, we can all help each other counter these feelings by fostering a supportive environment. It’s worth doing this from an organizational perspective because workers who feel like frauds are less likely to go the extra mile for the company – any such ventures represent another chance of being found out.

How to implement such a culture? For a start, star performers can be encouraged to contribute by being open and honest about the trials and tribulations behind their own successes. And we can all strive to be collegial and to give each other constructive feedback that is aimed at processes and techniques rather than on personal criticisms. The recent Belgian research shows that a supportive working environment (as measured by agreement with items like “Someone of a higher rank frequently devotes extra time and consideration to me”) helped to reduce the link between workers’ Imposter feelings and their lack of job satisfaction and commitment to the organization.

5. Adopt counter measures

Feelings of Imposter Syndrome have long-lasting, harmful effects for our careers. Other related new research, involving hundreds of undergrads from several European countries, suggests this is because the Imposter feelings undermine our professional adaptability, including our concern for the future of our career. For instance, people with Imposter feelings are less likely to keep track of job openings and promotion opportunities, presumably because they are more concerned about keeping hold of their current position, and fearful of new challenges that will expose them as frauds.

While it’s important to try to tackle your Imposter feelings head-on following the steps above, a parallel, practical approach is to recognize the ways these feelings are likely to hinder your career progression, and then to take deliberate counter measures, such as going for promotions and looking out for exciting job opportunities. The truth is, the more successful you are, the more likely it is that you will end up feeling like a fraud – it’s just such a common experience. Soak up the self-doubt and then take the leap anyway. That’s what everyone else is doing.