#its bad and so goddamn basic anime girl

[junotter]

Once a Moga always a Moga

I'm honestly really split on if Japan would've been a Moga. I think in how I interpret the place of the characters in the real world she'd be pressured either way, either an icon of a "progressive" japan to follow or a symbol of the past. Idk, I think that maybe she might like the freedom associated with the Moga movement (similar to the flapper girl) but also see that the "west's" power is growing stronger on her? It really comes down to are the countries an expression of their people or the government?

Also I, like, visualized the 2022 version of her to be like standing on a train platform, going to a meeting or something, and it's like a magazine photo for a piece about her and how she represents the modern Japanese woman in the workforce? idk capitalist propaganda or something

[kawaoneechan]

Why I don't like Unity

There's three reasons, basically, besides my personal inability to get any custom character assets into Unity, Unreal, or Godot.

Let me tell you below the readmore.

Reason #1: it managed to fucking bluescreen my system just trying to start.

How do you fuck that up? I download an installer and run it. This gives me a launcher. From there, I'm supposed to install the actual product I wanted to begin with. That's bad enough, to be honest. But then the fucking launcher managed to break so badly, I had my first BSOD in several months. With all I do to my poor laptops, I so very rarely got crashes like that it honestly threw me the fuck off.

If the launcher is gonna play like that, forget about installing the actual product.

Reason #2: CPU pegging up the ass.

On my previous laptop, attempting to run basically any Unity-based game would peg the CPU, all cores, until the poor thing ran so hot within mere minutes, it'd commit preventative sudoku. Maybe if I was lucky, I'd get a chance to set all the things to "lowest", and that might let me, I dunno, play long enough to get through the goddamn tutorial?

And I'm not even talking about state-of-the-art 3D games, but simple 2D games with low-resolution pixel art. Why would those run a dual-core at 200% until it fucking kills itself? Makes no sense.

Now, Phil Fortier of Icefall Games is an acquaintance of mine via SCI shenanigans, and when he released Snow Spirit (soon to be rereleased as part of Chronicles of Cascadia), I lamented to him about how his use of Unity would mean I couldn't run any of his stuff. So Phil looked into it and found a Big Fucking Thing to optimize. This basically makes Phil's SCI games the only things made in Unity that I can personally trust won't Do That.

Reason #3: About those 2D games...

I'm gonna dip into my Twitter archives for a bit and repost some stuff for this part.

*wavy flashback effect*

This is Angel Jump, a simple little arcade jumping game that's available on itch.io:

It's delightfully low resolution and has like four seconds of audio all added up. Can't be more than a few MB, depending on which sane development framework they used, right?

33 MB, actually. Because Unity. Let's see how it breaks down:

Unity main exe: 623 KB

Main game assets file: 1.19 MB together

A folder full of support DLLs like terrain and cloth: 7.17 MB, 90% or more of them never called because this is a 2D pixel-art game.

Unity's default resources: 3.41 MB. Mind that of these, only the splash logo is actually used because Angel Jump was made in the free edition.

Mono embedded runtime: 2.61 MB, and each game gets its own copy, much like how Electron apps each have their own copies of Chromium.

And another 17 MB for the Unity Player.

All in all, 33 MB of files for a game like that. Why? Because Unity is a bloated crapsack, I'd conclude from a cursory study like that. Let's compare that to some other games.

This is Elevator Girl, which is not on itch.io.

It has a lot of different animations and three fairly long background music tracks. It's only one file, 18.7 MB. I'm willing to bet most of that is the BGM, but I can't confirm it because it's just the one file.

And just for some historical perspective, the entire Crystal Caves trilogy is 1.31 MB, including some chaff. Commander Keen 4 on its own is 740 KB. Now, Keen and Elevator Girl both have OPL soundtracks, but the latter's is probably streamed.

Noxico is only 1.25 MB to download as a .7z file. Its only optimization that I myself actively apply is that I crunch the PNG files. The rest is text, and since the game uses a .zip file by another name as a game data source... yeah. That's a cheap win.

Now, back to Angel Jump. I went through the game's own resources to see what size it could conceivably have if it was not made in Unity. 54 textures, ten of them actually used. Tiny font stored in a weird way, possibly for distance field trickery which has no business in a 2D pixel game if you ask me. 921 KB of WAV files, high-quality bleepity-bloops, two of them jingles. 4.22 KB of PNG files, crunched like Noxico, for all but the creator's logo and the font. 973 KB for a copy of SDL, and I'd estimate at worst two MB for the main EXE.

The entire Angel Jump game could be no more than 4 MB and a half-dozen files, It's actually 33.2 MB, 92 files.

There's a more general computer programming issue that this reliance on Unity for even the simplest, smallest games seems to spring from: the bigger and better the computers get, the more lazy the developers get. Only have like four MHz, 640 KB of RAM and, what, 720 KB of diskette space, and no guarantee of an HDD? Better make the most of it, developers! But now the pressure's off and there's no more reason to exert any effort into keeping small games actually small.

*sigh*

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

meeins cuz idk it's fun

basics

i'm ava

indian

bisexual

I have nothing interesting to say about myself

OH WAIT uh yeah I have adhd

I have no personality at all, but always open to conversation! (narrator: they don't know that she can't hold a conversation to save her life)

OH THAT REMINDS ME, my pronouns are she/her

most of the time, I don't tag any reblogs

that's... it. I like to draw and write. idk. I play guitar but I'm still learning

okay that's it I have nothing more to add

miscellaneous

books:

I first came here cuz of harry potter, but have long gone left that fandom (I'm fine with having convos about it, but that's it. fuck jkr, and hope she falls in a bathtub and- wait focus). anyways, so that's why you will find many old posts on hp, so yeah. disclaimer.

in the pjo fandom, but I haven't read all the books yet

completely against booktok and their rampant consumerism, romanticization of abuse and also. worst writing in history. I will judge you if you like colleen hoover.

fav books: animal farm by george orwell, not my problem by ciara smyth

currently reading: the woman's room by marilyn french and to kill a mockingbird by harper lee

books I wanna read: franz kafka diaries, the woman in the library, war and peace by leo tolstoy and many more

shows/movies:

I have watched the entirety of friends, however you will not see much of it on my blog

brooklyn nine-nine, and i will never stop talking about it. it is the best show ever, and ik it has its problems, but goddamn. in love.

derry girls because it is the funniest show in the whole world

one day at a time because if you don't see it. don't even speak to me, like.

the good place because I'm in the bad place right now

bridgerton. and no I haven't seen the third season

gilmore girls cuz it gives me the will to live

I don't remember omfg lemme check my blog

OH YEAH I ALSO WATCH MIRACULOUS (and lots of other stuff too I just don't remember)

if you see me post about chhota bheem (indian kid's cartoon) or doraemon (japanese cartoon). d-don't question it, okay?

music:

ex-swiftie. not a dedicated hater, but i dislike her a lot, so if you're a swiftie, you would probably hate me

current artists i like: niall horan, zayn malik, louis tomlinson, harry styles (can you guess which band I like lmao), hozier, beth mcarthy, chappell roan, sabrina carpenter and olivia rodrigo.

and a 🌟 if you guessed it, one direction

political views

this blog stands with palestine, and if you don't, boy do I have a list of curses for you

anti-billionaires and capitalists (can you guess why I'm an ex-swiftie hehe)

pro-choice

intersectional feminist

anti hindutva and bjp

atheist

[sharkmaker]

i randomly stumbled upon a 2010 kids movie based on a book series id never heard of called "Rainbow Magic: Return to Rainspell Island"

based solely on the art style looking nice i decided to watch it and ended up on a rainbow magic rabbit hole. The movie is standard kids stuff but i do really like the art style and its even got a bit of magical girl feel to it. the girls have to basically save their gay fairy friends from the Ice King while being bullied irl by other girls for believing in fairies. they stand up to the bullies and save the day. its a cute movie and it looks pretty nice animation wise. i find it really interesting that they had a japanese studio producing it despite being a british series? i kinda wish there was more.

also, this happens

im obsessed why did they do this. why does it sound like hes making it up as he goes. its so bad i kinda love it.

anyways from there i got curious and decided to go "what is rainbow magic" and spent like 30 minutes scrolling through the literally 200+ fairies in the book series. There is a goddamn fairy for everything. Rainbow fairies, music fairies, party fairies, holiday fairies, oddly specific fairies, Royal family fairies (who are class traitors)

my friends further informed me that greta thunberg is a fairy as well

last but not least i came back on here to tumblr to see if there was any fan stuff. blessedly i found some Rainbow Magic memes which is everything i could want. furthermore apparently a lot of the fandom turned out gay and autistic? stellar work, could not be more proud

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Spirit Untamed

Why the fuck does this movie exist? No really, why does it exist? Who asked for a Spirit reboot (not a sequel, because it isnt a sequel, its a reboot for some reason) in the year of our lord 2021? Who asked for this to be released in theaters? And why is it honest to god one of the worst movies I've had the displeasure of watching as part of this marathon???

Ugh, ok so we follow a girl named Lucky, who's visiting her estranged father for the summer alongside her uptight aunt Cora. While there, she meets a captured wild horse, which she quickly bonds with and names Spirit, while also befriending two other local Horse Girls (get ready to hear me say Horse GIrls a lot bc this is literally Horse Girls The Movie). When Spirit's herd is captured by bandits, its up to these Horse GIrls to go on a grand adventure and rescue them.

Yeah, basic plot with insanely basic characters because this movie is for Babies and Horse GIrls. I don't know what else to fucking say. Everything about this movie screams childish and pandering, from the way these characters are written (its set in the early 1900s, but these kids use words like "totally" and make friendship bracelets omg besties, jfc shoot me) from the shitty pop songs to even how it looks (more on that in a bit). There's like... basically nothing appealing about this film if you aren't a very small child or obsessed with horses and even then, the horses element of it is just oh, look at horse make big jump! oh look at horse bond with horse girl! And it gets so damn old so damn fast.

The characters here are all as basic as they can be. Lucky is your typical headstrong preteen, who is way too overconfident in her own abilities, to the point that she's kind of moronic imo? Her friends aren't much better and barely have personalities outside of being there to support Lucky and be her omg besties! Spirit is just... fuckin there, he has no real personality, unlike the original movie where he had a bunch, without even saying a word. Lucky's dad is the most Generic Dreamworks Dad with hangups I've ever seen, I guess Aunt Cora is probably the only semi fun character in the cast, and the bad guy, fuck he was so ineffective and boring I don't even remember his name. The only thing I do remember is his face is weirdly smooshed and he got defeated by a goddam Horse Girl, of all things, jesus christ man, that's taking a major L.

The animation here is just plain pathetic. I understand that this was basically made to launch a Netflix spinoff series, but fuck man, this released in theaters. Does Dreamworks have no fucking shame? Even some of their earliest CGI movies looked better than this bland, uninteresting looking style they have going on here. The music is every bit as boring and forgettable, with again, shitty pop songs. Yay. Just what we need more of.

So yeah, this one fucking sucked. The only good thing I can say about it is it was mercifully short. But like... it was so goddamn boring, man. Even Boss Baby, for as bad as it was, was at least interesting to watch bc you wanted to see how batshit bad it would get. This was just... hard to even focus on with how dull and predictable it was. So thanks, Dreamworks, for releasing this second rate trash heap in theaters, because otherwise I would have never ruined an evening of my life watching it. Seriously, thanks for that. T-T

Overall Rating: 2/10

Verdict: Banished to Horse GIrl Country

Previous Review (The Croods: A New Age)

Next Review (The Boss Baby: Family Business)

[hearts4scottney]

TD GEN1 FAV MOVIE HCS

heather: mean girls (bc she thinks regina is a bad bitch who deserved so much better than what cady had did to her (also she thinks janice was cool as shit))

gwen: it 2017 (bc she had read the novel before the movie and was curious and as soon as she watched it she fell inlove with the cast and sfx)

courtney: unlocked (bc u cant deny girlie would like a good kdrama & her fav movie genre is ALWAAYYS gonna be mystery bc she likes to use the evidence and find out the culprit before the characters do)

duncan: texas chainsaw massacre (bc he loves a good gore fest) [but its actually highschool musical and hes too embarrassed to admit it]

trent: the notebook (bc he loved the romantic side of noah and the movie had inspired many songs of his)

cody: pixels (bc he thought it was pretty damn sweet that video games could basically come to life and he just found the movie absolutely hilarious)

dj: 101 dalmatians (bc dj is a sucker for animated films and the cuteness of the whole movie rlly stuck with him)

leshawna: bring it on (bc leshawna loves to watch ppl be on some stupid shit so long as it doesnt affect her - no matter how many times she watches it it never fails to make her howl out in laugher)

justin: cruella (bc justin loves a good villain story and finds cruellas outfits throughout the whole movie absolutely gorgeous)

harold: godzilla (bc he absolutely loves nerding out over dinosaurs and how incorrect godzilla is on the knowledge of monsters yet he appreciates the movies creativity and detail with a love/hate sort of thought process)

katie: the fault in our stars (bc she was absolutely heartbroken at the movies end and loved it sm.. also its the movie she & sadie had their first kiss to bc i said so!!)

sadie: the princess switch (bc when sadie was younger she always wanted to be a princess and fell in love with the idea of a normal girl being able to become royalty)

izzy: bride of chucky (bc izzy loves a good horror flick and tiffany was just the absolute embodiment of perfect energy to her)

owen: ted (bc the idea of a teddy bear coming to life and being fucking hilarious was just absolutely amazing to owen & it kind of made him want his stuffed animals to come alive </3)

geoff: teen beach (bc he likes musicals and refuses to admit it and rlly likes the movie plot)

bridgette: dolphin tale (bc bridgette absolutely loves dolphins sm and finds the entire plot of the movie so sweet)

lindsay: legally blonde (bc she sees herself in elle a LOT and projects onto her)

eva: real steel (bc boxing was pretty fucking cool to her already but adding in robots?? goddamn incredible in her eyes)

tyler: the adam project (bc he likes the plot, sfx, and the movie matches his sense of humor pretty well that he finds it rlly funny)

noah: escape room (bc he finds the puzzles cool and intricate, loves to guess who’s going to die in which room, and also likes when thriller characters have a good backstory)

alejandro: footloose (bc why wouldnt he like the movie abt dancing being forbidden? give me one good reason as to why not)

sierra: grease (bc she watched it with her mom when she was a kid and she absolutely adored the relationship between danny and sandy as well as the movies humor)

[thornheartcat]

Fiona's 2023 Anime Awards

Thoughts on anime this year!

Top 5:

Pluto (even has my mom's seal of approval!)

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End

Heavenly Delusion

Undead Girl Murder Farce

probably Scott Pilgrim Takes Off once I get around to it (I KNOW I'M GONNA I SWEAR)

Show that most came closest to making the top 5 but I think I'll still like Scott Pilgrim better: My Happy Marriage! I want what they have...

Most underrated show: BULLBUSTER. I know robots aren't very in right now or whatever but it's a robot workplace dramedy! Give it a chance!

Runner up: Synduality: Noir. Also robots. This one has such Eureka seveN vibes and I mean that as like one of the highest compliments I can give! I missed shows like this! Bring shows like this back! Also it's from the writer of Bunny Girl Senpai! If I say that will you watch it?

Most overrated show: Oshi no Ko. This shit was 60% monologues about how "the entertainment industry is bad, actually" by volume. Snore.

Runner up: JJK2. I mean it's like fine I guess but at this point JJK is like a vehicle that delivers cool fight scenes to my eyeballs. If you ask me to care about the characters or the mechanics behind the cool fights I will laugh at you.

Most niche show I enjoyed: 16bit Sensation: Another Layer. You have to be in so deep in the world of visual novels and eroge to really appreciate this show but I've been in too deep since I was like 14 so I love it!

Show that most should've been bigger: Undead Unluck. I know it's floundering here because it's a Hulu exclusive and Hulu has literally not even spent a single fucking tweet promoting their exclusive anime for some goddamn reason but give it a chance I am BEGGING YOU. Heavenly Delusion and Synduality: Noir had this same problem but Undead Unluck is based on a SJ property so you'd especially think it specifically would be bigger!

Show that most surprised me: Tearmoon Empire! I didn't know I wanted a show about Marie Antoinette getting sent back in time to prevent her own guillotining, or that I wanted that show to be primarily a comedy, but I got it and I love it! I hope it gets another season, I want to watch Mia bumble her way into becoming a better person and making the world a better place some more!

Runner up: Helck! I'd heard good stuff about the manga so I wasn't surprised it was good but I was surprised at just how well it shifted from comedy to drama and how emotionally invested it got me. Every week of that flashback arc had me yelling "NO!" at my computer when each episode ended because I wanted to know what happened next so badly!

Show that most was just sorta there but I had fun anyway: Mononogatari. It's such standard shounen fare and the art and animation rarely rises above the level of even "competent" but by the end of the second half I found myself genuinely invested in the characters? Also the second OP goes hard as hell

Runner up: Spy Classroom. It's not the best spy show out there, but if you've already watched Princess Principal and Spy x Family and you want more anime spy content it's there for you. I liked the girls and their unique abilities, and the narc episode is counterbalanced by the extremely hilarious and period accurate WcDonald's that is "White Fortress".

Worst anime: A Girl & Her Guard Dog. The premise is already not my cup of tea (not a huge age gap fan and especially not a huge fan of the girl falling for the guy who basically raised her, Bunny Drop style, though at least this series is up front about all that rather than luring unsuspecting people in with wholesomeness), but its execution is what really kills it. There's nothing more profoundly unsexy than the love interest behaving like an overprotective sitcom dad. Also doesn't help that the art and animation are straight DOGSHIT. I feel so bad for the animators, they must've been on an insane crunch, you can really feel that they kinda just shit this one out and you just know they're not proud of it and wish they could've done better work. I also feel bad for fans of the manga, the art there isn't terrible and while translating it to animation was always gonna be a little hard this is a particularly tragic attempt.

Most anticipated of 2024: Delicious in Dungeon and Dandadan!!!!!!! GET HYPE BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[lakanakana]

rules: seven comfort films, seven people

also an additional personal rule: no anime because what am i? a weeb?

tagged by @abadbadbrujah

1. Computer Dreams (1988)

this fucking thang doesn't have any related gifs showing up in the gif search (fuck you aesthetic bloggers spamming in unrelated fucking tags) so have a youtube clip instead

Computer Dreams is basically just a collection of "latest tech and highest quality" CGI effects and animation from the time it was released. It's narrated by a woman that also had a role in the movie and tv series Max Headroom (gifs below) which was super popular at the time and idk just having a second grade celebrity tossed in just fits the vibe!!

The thing itself is actually pretty educational, brushing over some (very) basic level computer generated imagery tech and explains how the effects are done. There's also a clip made by NASA, showcasing their latest concept of a future Mars rover project and the narrator says that it will one day come true. They didn't even know that they only had to wait 8 more years until the first one was launched and that today we have more little (ok pretty large) critters going all over the place there and I'm just ugly sobbing rn

Fuck it I'll just link the entire thing here

2. Tron: Legacy (2010)

Continuing with the CGI theme, this is a sequel to a groundbreaking 80s CGI movie, Tron. The original movie is also pretty fun when you start recognizing how familiar all the stuff feels either because they're being referenced in later works, or because there really was just a small bunch of nerds that knew how to do this stuff and ended up accidentally carrying the entire industry on their backs.

Tron: Legacy itself is actually pretty trashy movie but goddamn is it pretty!!!!!

And the reason I'm picking it over the original is because it has Daft Punk in its soundtrack :>

3. Her (2013)

Now that you've probably realized that I'm down bad for CGI, you're ready for a movie about a guy who's down bad for a computer program.

Idk what to say here tho since my faceblind ass can't really follow non-animated stuff so um

4. Shrek 2 (2004)

honestly this movie serves pussy so hard nothing else needs to be said

5. Pelikaanimies (2004)

fUCK I spiraled right back into 3D CGI again so I'll pick something from my country because the CG animated movies from my country suck

My 5 y.o. ass wanted to bang this dude so hard oh my god and now I also have intense gender envy for him to top it off

girl you have ruined my life

6. Brother Bear (2003)

TH BG ARTISTS DIDN'T NEED TO GO THIS HARD AND YET THEY DID I COULD WATCH THIS FOREVER

7. Pacific Rim (2013)

big ass robots so cool so sexy

picking 7 latest rebloggers

@jeokinz @meggiscat @mansikka-wizard @kalmariini @enviousjam @sandutita @vesikasidesi

[hopeymchope]

��Love After World Domination” isn’t interested in its own damn premise

“Love After World Domination” isn’t a BAD manga/anime. It’s actually pretty good..... at what it chooses to do. 

It’s just that what it chooses to do is DEEPLY FRUSTRATING. Because it chooses to straight-up IGNORE ITS FUCKING PREMISE.

So here’s what I’m gonna do.

1) I’m going to briefly explain The Premise. 

2) Next, I’ll tell you What We Got Instead. Which will include details of the (minimal) ways in which they explored the premise before just giving the hell up and making this something that doesn’t need the base premise at all.

3) Finally, I invite you to Consider Other Possibilities. I’m essentially going to propose some ways they could’ve tried to dig into this premise without betraying the lighthearted, goofy nature of the show. This section here? This is basically fanfic corner.

THE PREMISE:

“Love After World Domination” is a romantic comedy in which a superhero and supervillain — both considered rising stars in their respective fields — somehow fall in love with one another over the course of repeated confrontations. They begin dating in secret, desperate not to let their respective teams know what they’re up to. And: Antics ensue.

To be more specific about our setup: We are in the realm of Sentai/Power Rangers parody here. Our hero is the team leader, the Red Ranger (a.k.a. Fudō). Our heroine is considered one of the most dangerous lieutenants for the enemy organization — the deadly Reaper Princess (a.k.a. Desumi).

Don’t let this gif make you think this an action show. It is absolutely not.

Who doesn’t love a story about star-crossed lovers, right? This is “enemies-to-lovers” at its absolute purest. I guess love really can bloom on the battlefield, Otacon!

Besides, a love story between a hero and villain is so much more than your typical kind of “star-crossed.” Imagine how much fun we can have watching their opposing goals and morals clash! That’s the entire core of the idea, right?! It’s like having a demon fall for an angel — it’s a notion that’s beautiful, poetic, and fascinating! The most powerful superhero on the side of good hooks up with the first lieutenant on the side of evil? That’s like, Captain Marvel and Ebony Maw falling in love in the middle of the Infinity War/Endgame crisis! (...or feel free to substitute Maw with Proxima Midnight if you prefer.)

Imagine how they might compromise on their individual desires in funny/entertaining ways because they care more about one another than they do about their roles, which gradually makes them (either one - or both!) understand the other side of the conflict better. Maybe they gradually drift to becoming centrists in the fight, or maybe one slowly drifts to the opposite side. Or... maybe we could get some serious, dramatic interludes amongst all the comedy wherein they must confront just how disparate their individual ethics really are, then question whether the relationship is worth it. Hey, I usually enjoy when a series tries to juggle multiple shifting tones! And I think it only enhances a comedy when you can make the emotions underneath the goofiness carry real weight. 

HOWEVER...

The show isn’t interested in exploring a romantic relationship between a hero and a villain. It can barely give a single, solitary fuck about that concept.

WHAT WE GOT INSTEAD:

The relationship between Fudō and Desumi is treated exactly like any other story where the people dating are all “Oh no, my peers/family would so greatly disapprove of this!” They might as well be from competing business or opposing families. They might as well be from the Montagues and the Capulets. They could be Vision and Wanda, for god’s sake. Desumi, the goddamn Reaper Princess, could just as easily be ANY teenage girl who’s trying to date a person of color while dealing a super-racist father.

Although the “hide the significant other” game can be fun in and of itself, that’s... not the promise of the setup. It’s part of the promise, I suppose, but as I said, there are plenty of stories that do that already in various genres. The interesting thing is the thing that’s the most unique - the fact that they’re on opposite sides of an ongoing super-powered conflict. 

I mean, SURE, when the series begins, they’re forced to still pretend to be fighting one another whenever they meet up on the battlefield. Right from the jump — indeed, the first scene of the first ep! — we find our characters in the first stages of their relationship and trying to get some time alone together in the midst of a battle. We quickly learn that they both have basically zero dating experience this before point, and they’re researching such things online to figure out what they’re supposed to be doing — very cute. One of the hero’s teammates comes over the ridge unexpectedly while our couple is hanging out, which requires them to suddenly act as though their date is actually a brutal battle.

This stuff is fun. And we get flashbacks to the development of the relationship that are equally fun. The bits with them acting as though they’re enemies while in public yet simultaneously managing to secretly plan dates or compliment one another? Like I said — best material in the series. 

So naturally, that is all abandoned after two friggin’ episodes.

The only other way the concept is ever explored is through (so far, as of episode eight) just two one-second comedic exchanges. Both of which boil down to: Desumi says she’ll solve a problem by killing someone, and then Fudō quickly interjects to remind her that she REALLY shouldn’t do that. And the whole KILLING PEOPLE subject is instantly dropped, with neither of them discussing the fact that... Desumi wants to murder people and claims she’s quite good at it? And Fudō is clearly (and naturally) extremely anti-murder? So like, how do they square those two approaches between one another? 

.................................... Stop asking. It doesn’t matter. They’re not gonna talk about that.

In fact, Desumi is ultimately not even that evil to begin with! She’s a pure-hearted soul who is just trying to follow in her father’s footsteps by working in the field HE wanted for her. In fact, she didn’t even apply for this job! Her family applied FOR HER! So she’s never even been evil at all! 

She’s not invested in doing evil; she’s just naturally good at it. She can come up with evil plans totally by accident while pursuing wholesome goals. She loves her co-workers enough that she doesn’t intend to leave her position, but she simultaneously has no investment in or interest in the titular World Domination that her boss is pursuing. 

................which undercuts the core premise that was used to get us to come here in the first place.

The Series Asks: “How will two people from opposing sides of an ongoing battle make their star-crossed romance work?”

The Series Answers:

The majority of the series is simply “We’ll be in trouble if our friends/family find out!” and the cover-up antics that ensue. 

Plus SO FAR, THEY HAVE BEEN WRONG TO BE CONCERNED. Admittedly, I haven’t finished the story. (I’m 8.5 episodes into the anime, and I’m not sure whether I’ll go the distance with this.) But at this point, everybody who’s found out about it is totally in support of their relationship! And NOT ONE of them says “Hey, uh, how can you possibly date someone who’s... y’know... like that... ?” 

CONSIDER OTHER POSSIBILITIES:

If you’re like me, the very concept of this series immediately starts your mind racing with questions and possibilities. Straight away, I heard it and thought: “What happens when they meet and face off in public view during a battle? How do they manage to fall for each other while having diametrically opposed worldviews — and how will they confront each other and/or compromise over their conflicting moralities?”

The former question, I imagined, would be fairly easy to address even though it could still be fun to see it play out. I pondered, “Perhaps they could choreograph their combat or signal one another/quietly tell each other their moves, like professional wrestlers?” And check it out: Pretty early on, this idea was proven to be exactly how the series would deal with that issue.

I absolutely *nailed* this!

....but I think the latter question is where the real gold mine lays for comedic potential. Yes, REALLY! I understand that maybe you’re thinking “But this is a show about wacky hijinks which never confronts anything seriously.” But, although my suggestion may sound like fodder for drama, you can definitely just have FUN with it! 

Imagine our leads having to compromise on the most extreme elements of their personal moral compasses in order to make their relationship work. She could be like “I’ll stop murdering people if you stop reporting graffiti artists and jaywalkers to the police” or something. I mean, they’d obviously like each other so much in so many other ways that they’re both willing to work through/overlook their radical differences. That’s heartwarming, and it can also be legitimately funny.

Let me draft one possible example:

---------------------------------------------------------------

The Scenario: Our leads are on the phone together

Hero: Hey, are you free to have dinner tonight? I know it’s short notice, but-

Villain: *delighted* Oh, absolutely! As soon as I’m finished torturing the mayor for information, I can grab-

Hero: *interrupting* Uh, sweetie?

Villain: *realizing* Oh riiiiight. Right, right. *sheepishly* I... said I was gonna stop torturing people, didn’t I?

Hero: *firmly* You did.

Villain: *whining* But it’s so fuuuuuuun...

Hero: *gently* Come on now, honey. We’re both trying to compromise, remember?

Villain: I know, I know. I promise that I’m trying to do better, ok? Old habits just die hard, haha! *murmuring* -and so does the mayor.

Hero: *laughing good-naturedly* I get it, really. Do you think it’s been easy for me to just stand by and try to ignore your public acts of property destruction?

Villain: *grumbling* Kinda seems easy...

Hero: It’s really not! I’m supposed to stand up for truth and justice and all the other stuff! At the end of the day, I can’t stop trying to give the public hope and security any more than you could ever stop trying to make them live in fear. *affectionately* And, honestly? That dedication to your work ethic is something I love about you.

Villain: *blushing* Aww, baby...

Hero: Even so, I think it’s important for us to try and shave off our most extreme edges. Just a little bit, understand? That’s how we’re gonna make this work

Villain: I know. I get it. *clearly nervous* So, um... look. If I stop torturing the mayor, then... after dinner... could you do me a favor?

Hero: Y-yes?

Villain: Can you, y’know... look the other way? While I break into a nice car for us to drive around town in?

Hero: *pauses to think* ....yes. *obviously struggling* I will... I’ll... you... *gritting teeth* you may commit grand theft auto.

Villain: *excited* You’re the best, you know that?!

Hero: .........this is a one-time thing, right?

Villain: *teasing* No promises, ya big dork!

Hero: *speaking softly, almost to himself* I just need to remember: I’m doing this for love. I’m doing this for love.

Villain: Oh my gosh, I’m so pumped! Can we have dinner early?!

Hero: *happily* I don’t see why not!

Villain: Fantastic! Just let me kill the mayor real quick, and I’ll get-

Hero: *CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY*

Villain: *moment of silence as her mistake sinks in* *facepalming* God DAMN it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Or — and maybe this is better? — our hero and villain could find that they both share a particular hobby, only to find that their motivations are both wildly different AND surprisingly similar at the same time.

In that vein, Side Idea 1: What if they both volunteer at the homeless shelter in their free time? The hero wants to support those in need because he believes kindness will make the world a better place. The villain thinks it’s important to support the poorest among us because the system is utterly broken, keeping them down, and that’s why she wants to tear the system down and start over. And the hero at first is like “Uh, whoa there, let’s step back a whole bunch from that ledge” but realizes the he actually agrees that sustained inequality is kind of baked into modern society. And she’s like “So you get it! You get why we need to destroy the world’s governments and create a new system out of the ashes!” and he’s like “Oooorrrrr, maybe we could just encourage people to support programs that assist the downtrodden and educate the poor on how to vote in favor of their own interests, or something like that? Hm?”

Side Idea 2: Maybe they both love animals and they both have pets, and THAT’S the common ground. So the hero is like “My dog is my loyal companion. She is sweet, smart, and always has my back. I take her out to the dog park every Sunday. We jog, we play fetch together — it’s delightful.” And the villain enthuses, “I love dogs, too! I have three beautiful doggos! And yeah, they’re totally smart. I’ve actually trained them to rip out the throats of my enemies on command! They’re the best!”

*deep breath*

Unfortunately... we have to cope with the anime we got instead of dreaming idly about the one we deserved.

And what we got is... fine. Pretty good, even? Probably! It’s hard for me to separate what I feel it could’ve been from what it is.

It’s a sweet teenage romcom about a couple trying to keep their relationship on the DL so they don’t get in trouble. Friends, family, co-workers, and even the press must be dodged effectively at different times. Some cute things happen as they maneuver around all this. 

And the fact that they’re both so new to love really makes their interactions feel as pure as the driven snow. 

But... there are plenty of teenage romances with similar setups. Two people who’re new to dating? Sure, that’s easy. Two people in a secret relationship? Of course that’s out there.

I wanted then to really dig into the whole “Hero and Villain romance” thing on SOME level, even if it was just a silly one. That, to me, is the elevator pitch — “a romcom about a superhero and supervillain in love.” But they kick that angle to the curb right quick, leaving behind stuff you’ve seen before in plenty of anime romcoms. Though at least there’s a thin Sentai/Power Rangers parody overlaid on top.

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Summer 2022 Anime

Is it just me, or does summer tend to be the worst season for anime? Ever since I’ve started watching seasonally, summer has consistently been the weakest season every year, with the most high-profile disappointments and the least genuine successes. And that felt especially true this year, with show after how either failing to rise to its full potential or just never showing any potential in the first place. This has been a barren three months, and even after deciding to drop all the shows I really wasn’t feeling, I was left with far more bad than good. If not for a couple spectacular late-minute arrivals, I’d be confident calling this the worst ever season of anime in the modern era. It may well still be that! Either way, fall’s already looking exponentially better, so let’s give this cursed season the post-mortem it deserves and take a look at what gems are worth salvaging. I’ve already given my thoughts on the miserable second season of Devil is a Part-Timer (3/10), the ambitious but amateurish RWBY spinoff Ice Queendom (5/10), and the problematic delight that was Call of the Night (7.5/10). As for everything else... read on.

Shine Post: Unfinished/10

So, I guess the folks at Cygames finally dispense with all the stupid, ill-fitting gimmicks and just make a straightforward idol anime, huh? Forget the unholy amalgamation of horse-racing pop stars that was Uma Musume, Shine Post is pure idol through and through, a story about a bunch of ordinary high school girls chasing their dreams and make the world hear their songs. On the one hand, I appreciate them for finally cutting out the middleman; watching Uma Musume break its own back to shoe-horn all those competing genres into the same space was painful, so deciding to just focus on the idol stuff that was always Cygames’ clearest inspiration was a sound decision. Unfortunately, once you strip away all that genre-blending weirdness that made Uma Musume so compelling in spite of itself, all you’re left with is, well, a basic-ass idol show with no real selling points beyond some admittedly stellar character animation and a unique-but-poorly-utilized gimmick of the manager being able to magically tell when someone’s lying. And then you’re forced to contend with the fact that Cygames writing is pretty uniformly terrible, overwrought melodrama (the second season of Uma Musume nonwithstanding), and all their female characters speak in the most ear-grating attempts at forced, quirky cuteness imaginable, and then you start hyperfocusing on the weirdly sexualized character designs with perfectly see-through t-shirts and prominent thigh gaps and... yeah, suffice to say, my interest in this one is pretty much dead. The last three episodes had to be delayed thanks to an untimely Covid outbreak at the studio, so we’ll see if the finale somehow manages to turn this thing around. But I’m not holding my breath.

Yurei Deco: 2.5/10

Is there such a thing as Oscar-bait anime? I don’t know, but if there is, it probably looks an awful lot like Yurei Deco. It’s an anime original by the critically beloved studio Science Saru! It’s got a unique art style and a eclectic musical score! It’s telling a topical, relevant story about the modern-day surveillance state and how our lives are run by algorithms! It’s a very loose adaptation of a piece of classic Western literature filtered through insane anime goggles (Huckleberry Finn, in this case). It’s a show that practically screams its desire to be taken seriously, to have thinkpieces written about how Deep and Meaningful it is. But all that surface-level posturing can’t hide the fact that this is one of the stupidest goddamn anime I’ve watched all year. The story is limp and fails to connect, the animation isn’t appreciably better than other more generic but better produced shows, the literary references don’t amount to anything and honestly kind of make things worse with their incongruity, and whatever message it was trying to convey ends up so mangled by the end that it feels like you’re being made fun of for even trying to care in the first place. Bad anime are a dime a dozen, but few things are as aggravating to sit through as a bad anime that’s convinced of its own brilliance despite having all the intelligence of a lobotomized monkey.

Shine on! Bakamatsu Bad Boys: 3/10

The easiest way to describe Bakamatsu Bad Boys would be “Akudama Drive in the Sengoku era of Japan.” The premise is similar, at least; seven colorful and color-coded criminals are brought together by an outside force to help change the world that forced them into criminality in the first place. Sadly, the second easiest way to describe Bakamatsu Bad Boys would be “Akudama Drive but infinitely worse.” There’s some good chemistry among the cast, but they’re almost always split off into designated pairs and never allowed to shine as a group dynamic. Plus the animation is weaker, the themes are sloppier, the character arcs are so much more pedestrian, and there’s a real lack of spark to the whole affair. This is a story about criminals taking over the wreckage of the Shinsengumi to help rebuild it into a better force for good, but very little of the juicy potential in that concept makes it on screen beyond some decent moralizing against outright torture. But what really kills this thing is the only female character being subjected to the absolute worst kind of predatory “romance” and gender essentialism. That’s where this show crosses the line from inoffensively boring to outright disgusting.

A Couple of Cuckoos (2nd Half): 3.5/10

Is it just a rule that all harem anime must be cursed to go completely to shit by the end? I remember actually liking A Couple of Cuckoos back when it started out, but by the second half rolled around, it was just completely out of gas. Whatever story it had to begin with round to a halt and stayed there for twelve episodes of mind-numbing, meaningless faffing about, occasionally threatening to sputter back to life before promptly fizzling out all over again, finally belching up one last fart cloud of a non-ending before going completely silent. And I might not even be that upset about it; plenty of great anime have been forged off the backs of watching fun characters just hang out forever, and if there’s one thing I can say in Cuckoos’ favor, it does have some very entertaining character banter. But when you keep threatening to actually do something interesting? With cliffhanger after cliffhanger that are resolved near instantly and accomplish nothing except tricking you into thinking that finally, something, anything is about to happen? That, folks, is where my patience officially runs out. This show is a waste of my time, your time, and the time of every artist who worked on it. Skip it.

Phantom of the Idol: 6/10

Some things don’t need a deep reason for why you like them. Sometimes, just being a good time is good enough. And this heartfelt screwball comedy about a lazy, cynical male idol teaming up with the ghost of a former idol sensation to help advance his career without putting in the work himself is fun aplenty. Sure, it’s no Ya Boi Kongming, and the lackluster CG during the actual idol performances isn’t gonna blow anyone away. But it’s got good jokes, lovably eccentric characters, a sharp sense of comedic timing, and just enough sincerity to balance out the high-tempo wackiness. This is popcorn entertainment at its most easily digestible; it won’t blow you away, but it’s a good time guaranteed if you’re just looking for something to kick back and enjoy without thinking about it too much.

Shadows House Season 2: 6/10

Shadows House was one of last years’ most pleasant surprises, a slow-burn gothic shonen mystery that slipped neatly into the Promised Neverland-shaped hole left by that show’s misbegotten second season. Few anime settings in recent years have been as memorable as the titular house, and the first season left me eager to see Kate and Emilico continue their slowly blossoming revolution. Unfortunately, while season 2 keeps the twists coming hot and heavy with even more fascinating revelations about the systems governing this nightmare mansion, the narrative machinery feels on much less solid footing this time around. Answers come from awkward places and drawn-out exposition dumps, some reveals feel shortchanged, and there’s a frustrating sense that too many of these answers are coming not from the characters putting the pieces together of their own accord, but the narrative just dropping the answers in their laps. If Cloverworks decides to come back for a third season, I hope they’re able to tighten up the story’s structure and make its progression feel more natural. Because there are some damn exciting developments brought about by this season’s end, and I’d hate to see their potential squandered with writing that doesn’t earn their fallout.

Drifting Home: 7/10

Well, this was a pleasant surprise! Studio Colorido has been making this exact kind of whimsical-yet-poignant kids’ adventure flick forever, but this is the first one I’d call an unqualified success (at least from what I’ve seen; I hear Penguin Highway is supposedly pretty great). A bunch of kids break in to explore the worn-out, set-for-demolition apartment building one of them used to live, only for that building to somehow become stranded out at sea with no clear way home. What follows is a far more thematically complex odyssey than one might expect from this movie’s lighthearted exterior. Drifting Home is a story about, well, drifting away from home, about the pain of leaving a home behind and the fear of never being able to replace the sense of love and security that home gave you. But it’s also about those abandoned homes themselves and the emotions tangled up within them, how they reflect the lives lived within them and carry those memories even after they’re left behind. It’s a shockingly heady film, and even at two hours it feels like it could’ve used a little more time just to give it all space to breathe. But it mostly all comes together thanks to the gorgeous animation (seriously, Colorido is really starting to give Ghibli a run for its hyper-romaticized naturalism money), creative high concepts, and instantly lovable cast of child protagonists. Check it out if you’ve got a couple hours to kill; this is one adventure you won’t regret getting swept up in.

The Girl from the Other Side: 7/10

I remember a couple years back when Studio Wit put out a ten-minute short based on this bewitching fantasy manga. Even in such a bite-sized format, it was one of the most evocative pieces of animation I’d ever seen, and I knew I would never know peace until it got a full-length treatment. Well, that day has come at last, and surprising nobody, this movie adaptation of The Girl from the Other Side is absolutely mesmerizing. In a dreary fantasy world beset by curse and corruption, a lost human girl finds solace in the company of a cursed being still trying to hold onto his humanity. The exact details of the world and its greater context are left deliberately hazy; if you’re looking for meticulous fantasy worldbuilding, this isn’t the place to turn. What you get instead, though, is a gorgeous fantasia that makes you feel like you’re wandering the very woods where all those Grimm’s fairy tales took place in. The thick, ink-textured textured animation is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, equal parts terrifyingly supernatural, serenely archaic, and achingly human. And while the story may be as perfectly predictable as any other “jaded old dude takes care of a precocious little girl” plot, the vibes are so immaculate that it doesn’t really matter. If you’ve got an hour to kill, then you absolutely owe it to yourself to give this movie a watch. It’s a dream- or a nightmare- you won’t want to wake up from anytime soon.

Ao Ashi (2nd Half): 7.5/10

I said in my quick thoughts on Ao Ashi’s first half that this show is exactly what I needed to fill the Haikyuu-shaped hole in my heart. While that remains true, the second half has revealed one significant caveat: Ao Ashi has significantly weaker antagonists than Haikyuu. The strength of Haikyuu’s cast was that every player felt like the protagonist of their own story, with understandable goals and dreams, so you couldn’t help but root for them even when they went up against Karasuno. Ao Ashi’s antagonists are aiming for that same kind of energy, but they’re much more one-note and cartoonishly mean. I’m sorry, I can’t take this Akatsu guy seriously as a bully when by all rights he should’ve been kicked off the team for his shitty behavior by now. It’s far from enough to kill the show, thankfully, and the arrival of a shockingly great romantic subplot is more than enough to keep Ao Ashi as one of this year’s biggest delights. And now that the end of Haikyuu’s anime has been announced, I hope Production IG sticks with this one for the long haul as well. With a little stronger production, this could easily become the next sports anime juggernaut.

Made in Abyss Season 2: 8.5/10

You know, it’s funny. I spend most of the first half of Made in Abyss’ second season complaining about how it wasn’t as good as the rest of the series. The Golden City is visually boring and we spend way too much time in it! It’s overly reliant on shock value for the sake of shock value that doesn’t add anything to the overall message! The animation is so much more limited and reliant on ugly CGI (gee I wonder if making this in between seasons of a certain garbage isekai adaptation took a toll on the production)! But then the turning point hit halfway through the season, and it was like nothing had changed at all. The back half of Golden City of the Scorching Sun is as heartbreaking, horrifying, and unspeakably beautiful as Made in Abyss has ever been, finally tying the sixth layer’s meandering threads together into a single awe-inspiring tapestry of loss, vengeance, and what it means to find value in a world that doesn’t offer it easily. By the time it was all over, I barely remembered the awkward, subpar footing it had all started on. Made in Abyss is not an easy show to process, and it’s probably only going to get more and more difficult to stomach as we plunge into the Abyss’ deepest recesses. But while season 2 may be the weakest outing overall, it’s yet further proof why this twisted nightmare of a journey is one of the greatest fantasy anime of all time.

Lycoris Recoil: 8.5/10

You know what I love? When an anime comes out of nowhere and absolutely takes the world by storm. Lycoris Recoil wasn’t really on my radar before the season started, and what few trailers I watched didn’t do much to sell me on its weird mishmash of cute girls doing hardcore assassin work. Well, just slap a big fat egg on my face, because this bonkers original project is one of the most exciting things you or I or anyone else is likely to watch all year. Yes, it’s a little iffy that our protagonists are essentially government-sanctioned child sleeper agents tasked with keeping the peace by murdering anyone who even threatens to disturb it. And while the show does its best to wring some interesting thematic ideas from that concept- authoritarian security vs anarchic freedom, the ethics of killing for government- it’s far from a perfect treatise on the subject. You know what it does do perfectly, though? Basically everything else. Top-tier action, inspired direction and cinematography, consistently spectacular animation for fight scenes and comedy bits alike, a roller-coaster plot that perfectly balances hilarious slice-of-life shenanigans with the intensity of shootouts and car chases, actual canon gay representation (though not in the way you might expect), and two of the most pitch-perfect protagonists to ever share a screen. Seriously, Chisato and Takina own my entire soul and I apologize for nothing. Lycoris Recoil may not be a philosophical masterpiece, but it’s popcorn entertainment at its absolute finest, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Cyberpunk Edgerunners: 9/10

Sound the alarm, folks: Trigger’s back on track to save anime again! I knew Cyberpunk Edgerunners was gonna be a great time from the moment its first trailer dropped: marrying Hiroyuki Imaishi’s iconic directing style with the neon-soaked atmosphere of the cyberpunk genre was a match so perfect you gotta wonder how we’re only just now getting around to it. What I didn’t expect, though, was just how goddamn great the story ended up being. Imaishi’s always relied on the back of his high-octane visual style, and the thematic ideas that style alone conveys, to cover for the actual writing being kind of a hot mess. But Edgerunners gives him a genuinely great script to work with for the first time, and the results are magical. This tale of an impoverished teenager lashing out against the hypercapitalist system he lives under and finding companionship among fellow societal rejects may not break much new ground for the cyberpunk genre, but it delivers the single most exhilarating, heartbreaking, and breathtaking version of that story I’ve ever seen. And Imaishi’s style doesn’t just make that story pop, it infuses even the most played-out plot points with astonishing new life. This may well be his best work as a director, and I do not say that lightly. Cyberpunk Edgerunners is easily Netflix’s best anime since Devilman Crybaby, and I consider it a must-watch for anyone who can handle the intensity of its bloody action. Never before has something so perfectly embodied its genre while simultaneously feeling like nothing else that genre has ever produced.

[apocalypse-boogie]

Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare

Initial Thoughts whilst watching

Luke sounds like Robin (checked and he’s voiced by Scott Menville so I was correct)

Matthew Lillard is once again reminding me why I love him as Shaggy so much

Deacon sounds like Mark Hamill and I’m pretty sure he is actually voiced by him

The Woodsman design is pretty cool

They really do sexualize the hell out of the older girls (it’s pretty blatant when it happens but it’s not consistent throughout the whole movie)

The Creature from the Black Lagoon/lake monster thing is suitably terrifying

The animation is a great time honestly

They do a really good job of incorporating the Friday the 13/Sleep-away Camp style of movie and I love it (one of the reasons I wanted to revisit this for the first time since I watched it in 2010 was to see what slasher reference I could catch with my more recent love of horror movies)

I also wanted to see if the movie held up as good in my memory on rewatch (spoiler: it did)

Shag and Scoob being sensible, courageous little cowards is my favorite thing and this movie has it

Camp Scare is one of the newer Scooby-Doo movies that’s good on its own without a cheesy gimmick like the WWE crossover ones (though those have their merit)

Considering how much I liked this I want to rewatch Abracadabra again too

The scares aren’t bad for a kids film at all

I really don’t remember enough of this to be familiar with plot beats and character motivations but I think it’s for the best, it’s much more enjoyable this way

There’s a specter now. Her screech is legitimately terrifying but she herself isn’t as scary as the specters that I remember from the Abracadabra movie or The Witches Ghost. Still pretty scary though, I’m a little on edge.

I’m pretty sure Deacon, who has to be voiced by Hamill, is up to some shit. I just don’t remember what exactly, Gagster related by the looks of this flashback

How they gon just flood a whole town like that wth

Deacon is Babyface, huh

Is the Woodsman a secret good guy copout villain or is he also apart of whatever scheme

Never mind

The Who’s driving gag gets me every time, I love it

Babyface you goddamn bastard

Woodsman kind of reminds me of The Creeper now that I’m hearing him talk while he lumbers around

Mans just fell, oh shit

Shaggy after five minutes in a busted up holding cell: “I can’t do hard time!”

Woodsman pulled a whole Michael Myers. Alright bud.

Scooby biting the fish man, Shaggy saving him, and Scooby then running the fish man over is top tier

The Ranger did it!

I mean he’s a magnificent creature actor, I’ll give him that

Babyface was pretty considerate in the long run since he at least wanted them out before he flooded the camp

*sigh* Fred

The Jessica/Daphne rivalry was so dumb and Jessica wasn’t even interested in him. Good for her.

The beginning and end songs are fairly good and the soundtrack throughout the whole movie was pivotal in adding to the scary vibe at times 👌🏾

I’m going to watch Music of the Vampire next (also one I’ve watched before years ago but remember basically nothing of)

By the way, if anyone’s curious my favorite vampire-esque Scooby movie is Legend of the Vampire (I just love the intro to the Hex Girls and the creature design has always been my favorite, it’s fucking awesome)

Camp Scare gets (in pumpkins) 🎃8/🎃10

I find it hilarious that Music of the Vampire takes place in Louisiana and True Blood also does 🤣

Review OVER!

[clip from Scooby-Doo Music of the Vampire]

Music of the Vampire is a fucking musical. I love!

(I too also wanna go to a Vampire Festival and be seduced by a sexy supernatural creature from a book Daphne)

I think MotV will also get an 8🎃/🎃10, maybe even a 9🎃/🎃10 if the vampire and musical angle really does it for me 👍🏾

[hanaonesflower]

Photo: @Aruna on Pinterest

Asahi Shiina x f!reader

Warnings: implied sexual innuendos, no explicit mentions of sex, fluff

Wc: 1818

A/n: omg I started watching free! And I gotta say – the manz are G O R G E O U S!! The amount of daydreaming and ideas for headcannons were unfathomable. Anyway, this is basically my first piece of the anime, not much but will experience more with it. I think my sense of humor shows in these draft 🤪. Anyway, enjoy!

_________________________

The pungent smell of chlorine water doesn’t help with my nausea right now. Morning practices shall be the bane of my existence but tough shit. Being Captain isn’t exactly simple either, showing up to the pool 30 minutes before the rest of the team to set up lane lines all. by. myself. Do you realize how heavy those bitches are? The answer is VERY.

The indoor facility was serene with a glass panel up above, I could still see the moon peeking shyly from the dark clouds. The bright stars sprinkled across the night sky. The water below was a mirror, reflecting the canvas above. It was quiet, it was peaceful. I checked the clock, 5:30. Great, now I had to submerge my very warm body into the Atlantic Ocean – oh I meant pool.

The heater had been broken for weeks and we sent in numerous complaints about it. But the school board actually didn’t give a shit about the aquatics sports, and gave most of their funding to the basketball team that had not scored a single basket in the past 5 years.

I took a few deep breaths as I pushed the lane lines out from storage. Contemplated leaving and pool forever and never coming back. I dipped my toes in the freezing water and chills transferred from my spine to the rest of my body. Goosebumps rose frantically across my forearms and legs.

“Good morning, (y/n)!”

“Oh, good morning, Asahi!”

“Do you need help?”

I thought I would be the first one here before I saw a red headed male making a beeline towards me. Asahi Shiina, we had been swimming together since we were kids. Experienced the same swim clubs, gone through multiple instructors and coaches, separated in high school but now ended up on the same swim team in college. If that’s not fate, I don’t know what is. His parents knew mine from when they were on a cruise together once upon a time, his mom was already 6 months pregnant and mine was 4 months – that was the story my mother had relayed to me. Asahi Shiina would constantly act like an old soul, as if he wasn’t only 2 months older than me.

“Yeah, that’d be nice!”

“Anything for you, (y/n)!”

Asahi winked and dove in feet first in the water. The cold chlorinated water splashed all over the deck, violently covering me in its glory.

“Asahi! The reason why I accepted your help was to not get any water on me right now, goddamn it!”

He let out an explosive laughter that rang through the hall of the facility. Shiina has always been such an uplifting spirit in my life. I think I’ve only seen him go through bad days once in a blue moon.

I shivered and threw on my giant parka – headed towards the control room to turn on the lights. The fixtures simultaneously flickered on, slowly brightening up the room, beating the shine of the moon in the sky.

After revising the day’s practice regimen, Asahi knocked on the door.

“The lanes are all in, boss!”

He saluted me, in the dorkiest way possible. But also very charming. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I never saw Asahi that way. I mean, can you blame me? The water dripping down his tall physique was enough to make me not want to look away from his toned muscles. He stood at 5’10 tall but he begged me to give him the extra invisible 2 inches so he could be 6’0. I told him that’s not how things work. Asahi was, how do you say it? Dense. In an endearing way. Oh, how he was dense. I remember one time in high school where this sweet girl, one year his junior, was running up from behind him and offering her home onigiri. Every. Single. Day. That’s dedication if you ask me. He never thought it was her having a huge, Earth-sized, crush on him.

“Thanks, Asahi!What would I do without you, hm?”

No, I wasn’t going to pass on an opportunity to flirt with him. Of course not. I never said I was a good person.

“I’m going to grab some coffee. You want some?”

“(Y/n), it’s like you don’t even know me… do you know how bad that stuff makes me shit?”

I chuckled at his remarks. He had a way of always making me laugh.

“I guess it’s coffee for one then. Look through today’s workout while I leave, would you?”

“I hope you aren’t planning on killing the newcomers today. That would leave a bad impression.”

“Oh, please, they won’t want to leave once they see how charming the men’s Captain is.”

“Likewise, Captain (y/n).”

He shot a flirtatious grin my way and I pretended not to notice it. The sexual tension of it all goddamnit. We’ve been making these remarks at each other since the first year of college, that would make it 2 years now, of us not doing shit about these underlying, subconscious romantic feelings for one another. One more year before we graduate and leave swimming behind. Our parents even tried to set us up, but we’ve always played it off as just us being childhood friends, that would explain why we were close. But no, I wanted him to fuck me.

The coffee vending machine was acting up today. I was already late to the initiation and welcoming segment of today’s practice. Guess I’d have to forgo my daily coffee this morning. On the way back to the pool, my phone dinged in my pocket, the sound echoed in the empty hallway.

“The recruits are here. And I need you, I have no idea how to be a good host ;).”

See what I mean.

There came a prep in my step. I was almost skipping to the entrance of the pool. I could hear light chatter bleeding out of the door as newcomers were starting to fill the pool deck one by one. Seijuro had asked them to take seats on the bench and Asahi was running around greeting them like he had known them for ages. My heart skipped half a beat.

I thought I wouldn’t be affected by men in speedos as I grew up seeing it. But it was just something about him that made me feel some type of way.

I waved at Seijuro as he gave me a friendly head nod. I proceeded to strip out of my parka and stood in front of the new recruits in my brand new one piece. It was navy blue and it was beautiful.

“Good morning and welcome, everyone! I honestly am so grateful to see your excited, and very tired, faces here this morning. I know the feeling, trust me.”

These new recruits made me feel like a celebrity, they were looking at me with eyes full of wonder.

“I totally forgot to introduce myself. My name is (y/n), as of right now I am the standing captain of the women’s collegiate swim team. This is Asahi, he is your standing men’s collegiate swim team.”

As Seijuro would put it,

“I wish someone would look at me the way Asahi looked at you during the intro.”

“Please, Seijuro, don’t be weird.”

“You wouldn’t think I’m weird if you saw it for yourself.”

Seijuro had been a close friend ever since we met at regionals during his third, my second year of highschool. His sister, Isuzu, had been a fellow teammate and gamer of my (sibling).

“I guess so.” I gave in to his insinuation. Seijuro patted my head and teasingly scuffed up my hair.

Seijuro and Asahi agreed to get the recruits, as well as returners to warm up as I completed the white board for today’s practice regimen.

10x100 freestyle on 1:20

8x50 freestyle on 1:00

6x25 freestyle 0:50

10x50 butterfly on 1:45

8x25 butterfly on 0:55

5x200 IM on 3:00

3x100 IM on 1:45

3x200 flutter kick on 3:00

4x100 backstroke on 1:20

5x100 stroke of your choice on your PR

3x100 freestyle warm down

I could hear groans of utter pain emerging from behind me as I penned down the last of the regimen. I have to admit, this would be tough for new swimmers, those who weren’t scouted for the university and joined via tryouts. That was me. I wasn’t good enough to be scouted, but I was good enough to pass tryouts and improved. I realized a few words of encouragement would help setting at least some in the right mindsets.

“I know that for some of you, you didn’t end up on the team because (uni name) scouted you. I would know, because that was me.”

I didn’t think the information was surprising even though I heard gasps from the crowd.

“I know, shocking right. I was not scouted by the school so I joined the other way, I tried out. Lo and behold, here I am. What I am trying to say is, there is always room for improvement. Don’t let that get to you, I promise.”

“I agree! As long as you dedicate yourself and have a goal in mind, there is no doubt in my mind that you’ll get where you want to be.”

Asahi chimed in after me. I thought I was the spokesperson but he rightfully outshined me. I was glad.

“Let the practice commence.”

//////

“Let’s grab breakfast! I don’t have class today.”

Asahi’s voice snuck up behind me as I exited the locker room. His wet hair fell on his forehead, he looked more alluring than ever. He was clothed with a pair of snug khakis that hugged him at all the right places, a brown hoodie with the words “be free” embroidered on his left chest and a black trench coat that stopped mid-thigh completed his look. Asahi looked dashing.

“Seriously, Asahi. I cannot. Do you even see what I’m wearing?”

I, on the other hand, knew that I would be heading straight home after practice so all I packed were a pair of brown sweatpants and a lazy white crew neck that was starting to fluff up.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m not dressed for the occasion.”

“(Y/n), don’t be ridiculous. You’re gorgeous.”

Punching a wall, kicking my mama in the throat.

On the one hand I was flustered, on the other I was pulling back. Not being able to tell if he was being serious or just goofing around.

“You sure?”

Asahi threw his strong arm over my shoulder as he lowered himself down to my height. I hoped his back wasn’t hurting because I was almost a foot shorter than him. His breath tickled my ear.

“(Y/n), have I ever lied to you?”

[zire-in-space]

Hyping Ships Needs to Stop when:

Hyping ships needs to stop when:

- it is not canonical

- it is between two real life people

- it enforces a sexuality on a character that is not their canonical sexuality, whatever it may be

- it has a toxic tie to it, and any real relationship like it is very abusive *bakudeku, bakuracka and most bully x bullied ships

- it enforces ANY lgbtqa+ stereotype onto a canonically straight character to "prove" they are not straight

- it enforces ANY straight stereotype onto a canonically lgbtqa+ character to "prove" they are not lgbtqa+

*reminder to the non-straights that do the two above: you are not helping to stop the stigma around fetishizing non-straight relationships if you actively participate in this shit. If you complain about sexual or dirty stereotypes between two people of the same gender having affection while being friends, and do this, you are not helping for shit and are a hypocrite.

- it makes western and/or non-western close or distant friendships seem "gay" because showing physical or emotional affection or a tragic backstory to a friend that is the same gender is now gay, apparently

- it is very forced onto the creator and studio of the franchise when shippers start doing these things:

1. Shippers creating petitions to make their ship canon *happening with most anime ships, unfortunately. Happened to the steven universe studio to the point that someone quit because of it*

2. Shippers sending death or rape threats to the creator and/or studio members *steven universe shippers, hi there*

3. Shippers bullying other people for shipping CANONICAL SHIPS

4. Shippers constantly dragging the idea that "the character's sexuality is not mentioned DIRECTLY BY GOD HIMSELF so they must be gay, bi, pan, or ace"

5. Shippers using typical bro and homie moments to say a ship is canon and "hyping it up" on social media, which is basically putting pressure on the creator to not "let the fandom down!"

6. Shippers using well-bonded friendships where both characters have epic respect for each other for being "gay"

7. Shippers using clothing style and aesthetic to "prove" a character is not straight

8. Shippers call anyone who explains this a "homophobe" despite having these same rules against straight people pushing the hetero onto a clearly gay character

9. The ship is basically really bad fanservice for the gays/straights or anyone in between *mostly for iNcLuSiVitY / r e p r e s e n t a t i o n

10. Shippers saying that even though the character is not canonically gay, they still might be a "shy" bi or pan - even though the character's respect for certain characters and style DOES NOT PROVE ANYTHING, and a character's sexuality is clearly shown with BLUSHING or CLEAR FLUSTERING with males/females whenever a canonical crush or attraction is shown and NOT when someone gives them a goddamn compliment or bullies them because people get EMBARRASSED or just feel nice and blush jesus christ

11. SHIPPERS DO ANY OF THESE BUT INSTEAD OF THEM PUSHING NON-HETERO ONTO THE CHARACTERS, SHIPPERS PUSH THE HETERO ONTO A CHARACTERS

- NOTHING ABOUT THE CHARACTERS YOU ARE SHIPPING IS FUCKING CANONICAL OR SLIGHTLY CONFIRMED

Now, reminder that "There is not enough representation for lgbtqa+ couples in the media" is not a fucking excuse to push being lgbtqa+ onto a clearly and/or canonically straight character. Nor on the goddamn creator or studio. Do not create a goddamn "hype" with a large part of the fandom for a ship that is. Not. Canon.

Reminder that healthy friendships are typically based on idolization, empathy and affection and this never means these two people are non-hetero.

And by the way, these "totally gay" or "totally cute" ships actually ruin the way well-bonded friendships are seen between two people of the same gender. And WIDENS THE FUCKING STIGMA for non-hetero and hetero people to be in a friendship, since it assumes they want things to happen for both straight or non-straight friendships - just stop. If your defense to this is "the heterosexuals have been doing this forever, though!", then i am sorry, but you lost this debate. Us straight people haven't done this on purpose, it's what society has nurtured us to do whenever we see a guy and girl friendship - we automatically assume one or both wants more than a friendship, and this is totally a misogynistic take so gender roles get reinforced. So using "straight people have done this forever" just proves that you do understand you are partaking in the reinforcement of queercoding and toxic gender stereotypes and roles of human beings. People should try to do the opposite, and enjoy a really good platonic relationship. Straight shipping culture literally is despised by most straight females for the lack of female inclusivity, misogyny, queercoding, and female plot devices that have furthered away from us the ability to have male friends. Males now use "friendzone" jokes or harrass girls who they manipulated into being their friend since everywhere it is shown that all it really takes is for a guy to like a girl and to be in a friendship and boom, relationship. Straight women have hated this forever.

And "heteronormativity" doesn't really exist in creator's works. It's what the creator imagined their characters and relationships to be. If its all hetero, let it be hetero. If its all homo, let it be homo. If its a straight creator who made a homo character let them! If an lgbtqa+ person made a straight character let them! And I know people will question the first part on this list, but fanfics and fanart are never bad! I mean like the pedophilia and lewd sexist imagery definitely needs to get yeeted but other than that there ain't no problem! It's obvious it's an alternate storyline than the main franchise. :D

So any haters of this need to shut up and eat the fact that you are not the creator of the franchise, and you will not "convince" or "petition" or just put pressure for any ship to be canon onto the creator. I know this post is kind of agressive but I'm so tired of trying to explain it to lgbtqa+ shippers and homophobic anti-gay shippers about this stuff. So here is a last note:

Let creators make stories - complex characters each with their own styles and aesthetics and relationships - without the pressure of changing anything in it to fit society's queercoding or gender-roles, my broskis.

Thank you :D

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Home

So ya'll ever watch a movie you know for a fact, just by looking at it, is made for babies and very small children? Yeah, that's what Home is, in like, almost every way. It is a dumb movie made for dumb children. I didn't like it. Let's get into why.

The Boov are (super quirky omgzz) alien race that take over the planet Earth as their new home, relocating humans, all except for Tip, a no-nonsense girl who's determined to find her missing mother. She teams up with Oh, perhaps the most fucking annoying Boov of all to the point that he's hated even by his fellow aliens, as they travel across the Earth to find Tip's mom.

Simple premise, simple movie. And yet despite that, it still manages to have really weird and fucky pacing? Like moments that should be spent on actually developing the characters and their relationships with each other are just... glossed over through montages or very brief scenes? It's really, really weirdly paced, I don't even know how to properly explain it. It felt like the movie was speed running itself (fine with me, the sooner it ended, the better.)

So if the movie isn't focusing on that, what is it focusing on? Well some pretty unexciting action scenes for one, but then there's the real thing this movie is about: humor. Really shitty, bad, immature, lame potty humor and "omgz so random!" kind of humor that was running rampant in the 2010s. Like I said, this is a baby movie, for babies. So all of the jokes are very simple and dumbed down and not a single one of them got even a smile out of me. This entire movie was a flaccid, joyless experience.

When it isn't smacking you in the face with fart and piss jokes, its trying so damn hard to hit you in the feels. But in that reguard, it takes a swing and misses completely because I felt nothing for these characters in the slightest. Oh might just be one of the most annoying Dreamworks protagonists yet, with this really aggrivating way of talking that all the Boov have where they skip words or just say things wrongly and I get it, that's the joke, but fuck if it doesn't become grating almost immediately. Tip is only a little better, but she's largely an inconsistant character, hating Oh at one point and then being besties with him the next that I barely even knew what her characterization was even supposed to be.

What else, what else? Uh.... There was a villain? The leader of the Boov? I don't remember anything significant about him? Oh and uhhh the uhhh (checks Wikipedia page bc this movie made such a nothing impact on me i can barely remember it only ten minutes after viewing it) the Gorg, which is also a nothing threat, just there to be "oooh scary" until the end where it's revealed it isn't actually scary at all and just wanted its babies back (fucking Chicken Little did this first and better, you know your movie sucks if I'm saying goddamn Chicken Little is better).

The animation is very basic, very unimpressive character designs in a very average looking world. It's not what you'd expect from Dreamworks, that's for sure; I'd say its more along the lines of Illumination's normal quality. The soundtrack was all done by Rihanna, who voices Tip, and uhhh I'm not a big Rihanna fan, just gonna admit that up front. Her songs also just feel ill-placed throughout this very silly, zany romp, it just felt so weird at times to hear these soulful ballads when I had to fucking look at Oh's stupid face like what were they thinking with this???

So yeah, bad movie for babies. Sucks because I know Dreamworks can do better, they have so many times before. Unfortunately, sometimes, I think they just go for whatever they think will sell. And well, I'm sure they thought Oh would turn into a million marketable plushies (he probably did idk). But anyway, Home can go the fuck home so I never have to look at it again.

Overall Rating: 3/10

Verdict: Get assassinated with the Shush wand or whatever the fuck it was called idk i stopped paying attention halfway through this dumbass movie to play on my Switch

Previous Review (The Penguins of Madagascar)

Next Review (Kung Fu Panda 3)

[lunaralight09]

Could you do books that the scps might read?

Books that the SCPs might read

SCP 035 Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins Anna is shipped off to boarding school in Paris where she meets the super-charming Etienne, and that's when things get interesting. I was a squealing, giggly, mush-fest all the while through reading this book. Stephanie Perkins knows just how to turn a seemingly ordinary love story into an unputdownable read. SCP 040 Your Brain Needs a Hug: Life, Love, Mental Health, and Sandwiches Just the title of this book by Rae Earl makes us feel a little lighter. And we don’t know about you, but our brains could definitely use a hug right now. While the book is geared towards teens, we found Earl’s advice to be relevant for all ages — particularly for anyone who struggles with depression, anxiety, social media addiction, and self-esteem issues. TBH, pretty much anyone can benefit from this book! SCP 049 And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini And the Mountains Echoed is such an amazing and heartwarming read. It's about a pair of siblings that fate cruelly separates and then finally reunites. A must-read for its simple yet gripping narration and amiable characters. SCP 049-j The Red Notebook by Antoine Laurain This is a French romance novella, and basically a love letter to book lovers. There's mystery, romance, and some of the most beautifully crafted sentences and paragraphs I have ever read. The ending is so sweet, even though you wonder how you ever got there so soon. SCP 053 Lulu and the Rabbit Next Door by Hilary McKay Lulu and her cousin help their neighbor Arthur learn to love and care for his (neglected) rabbit. She doesn’t want her neighbor to feel bad so she writes the rabbit little notes with helpful gifts signed from her own pet rabbit named Thumper. It’s a kind way to show Arthur how to take care of his new pet SCP 073 HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time Looking for heart-warming stories of kindness and compassion? HumanKind by Brad Aronson was made for you. But the book isn’t only full of uplifting stories that will move you to happy tears, it’s also packed with practical and actionable tips for how to be kinder in your everyday. One thing is for sure: after you put this book down, you’ll feel inspired to do something nice for someone else. And because of that, we think this is one of the best books on the planet! SCP 076 Do Unto Animals We absolutely DEVOURED this book by Tracey Stewart. Whether you’re looking for tips on how to better understand skunks and squirrels or read your pet’s body language, every page is full of compassionate wisdom about to treat animals in a way that they deserve. Also, the illustrations are absolutely beautiful — we nearly wanted to pet the pages because the animal drawings were so lovable. SCP 079 Walden (Henry David Thoreau) With the outdoorsman renaissance happening as we speak, it is nice to look back at one of the books that probably started it. Walden isn’t the bore you read back in middle school, it takes time to appreciate like a nice bottle of red. Thoreau’s masterpiece tackles so much while quietly nudging your brain into activity. It also makes you want to build a cabin SCP 096 Black Beauty by Anna Sewell Told from the perspective of the horse, this story is so beautifully written that it's easy to get lost in it's pages. I laughed and cried, as did my daughter when she read it. SCP 105 Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury Warm and fuzzy the whole way through, Dandelion Wine is by far the best story to make you feel good. Though I'm not the correct age to directly relate to the young adult story, I still felt the warm summer days and the wonder of it all. SCP 106 Catch-22 – Joseph Heller “War is hell,” is the old adage we all know, but Catch-22 looks to modify that a bit. Instead, war becomes super goddamn weird. The book follows a bomber squadron in the Second World War whose collective sanity is slowly being eroded by whatever passes for power. Throughout it all, the main character keeps trying to prove himself insane enough to be kicked out of the Navy, which is precisely why he can’t

be kicked out. Which is a catch 22 and yes, this is where the phrase comes from. It’s a great extrapolation of quirks and idiosyncrasies we see in day to day life, only this time, they’re affecting war SCP 134 (I know she don't have eyes . But there is a books for blind people) A Mango-Shaped Space by Wendy Mass A Mango-Shaped Space is about a 13-year-old girl with synesthesia (she can see, taste, and hear colors) and her journey in getting a diagnosis and accepting herself and all her differences. It's sort of a coming-of-age story, too. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has gone through the same process at the same age, this really was an incredible reading experience. One of my favorite quotes is "We all do the best we can, trying to keep all the balls in the air at once." I recommend it to everyone. SCP 173 Rabbit, Run (John Updike) The greatest mid-life crisis novel of all time doesn’t actually deal with a mid-life crisis at all. Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom is 26 when he decides to leave his wife and son for a new life. Of course, what that new life is, and what exactly he wants out of it isn’t clear to the reader or to Rabbit himself. It will strike a cord with all men who struggle with the idea of settling down. SCP 239 The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling SCP 682 THE WOLF AND THE WATCHMAN BY NIKLAS NATT OCH DAG If you're the kind of person that can't get enough of Scandi noir films, TV shows and literature, then Niklas Natt och Dag's The Wolf And The Watchman should be next on your reading list. Set in 18th-century Stockholm, this tale is as dark as it gets, following the titular watchman and a detective as they hunt down the killer behind a dismembered corpse that appears in a local pond. As gruesome as it is gripping, it's the perfect literary companion as the nights get longer and increasingly eerie. SCP 847 The Case Against Satan by Ray Russell Two priests are called in to examine a girl who might be possessed by the devil. The Exorcist, right? Nope, it’s Ray Russell‘s The Case Against Satan, a novel of theological horror that beat William Peter Blatty’s book to print by eight years. The Case Against Satan is as much the story of a crisis of faith as it is a supernatural tale, and readers looking for a nuanced take on both should give it a try SCP 953 THE PILLOW BOOK BY SEI SHŌNAGON If you want to learn a bit more about the Japan of the past – and also, weirdly, all of us in the present – The Pillow Book is a cult classic you should absolutely try. Sei Shōnagon was a lady-in-waiting in the court of Empress Teishi in the year 1000 and here she collects her thoughts and musings about court life. To read a woman more than 1,000 years ago being as philosophical, neurotic and scandalous as anyone is today on social media is a thrill that lasts from the start to the end. SCP 1678 Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden Absolutely moving, the struggles Sayuri faces are painted so beautifully by Arthur Golden's masterful craft that you totally empathize with her as she grows and triumphs in a world designed to see her fail. The ultimate conclusion of the novel fills me with such warmth — it's both entirely unexpected and wholeheartedly appreciated.

[worldsover]

Dal Segno ft. Chuu

length ✦ 3570

genres ✧ music making; oral fixation; facefuck; subby!Chuu

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Composition is only fifty percent of the process, you've heard, but it's closer to ten for you. For the importance of a solid melody and chord progression with the right instruments and singer, a song becomes less than the sum of its parts with bad mixing because all that effort goes to waste when you can’t hear something, or when something is too loud, or when a certain je ne sais quoi is wrong. But you do know. You don't have to be a chef to be a food critic but it certainly helps. Avoid muddling the lows as it waters down the soup. Carve space in the highs to prevent too much salt from killing the taste buds. Have at most five sounds at a time or else the flavors clash. Focus on these basic techniques to guide you as repetition wears down your mind. Funny. Repetition legitimizes especially in music yet here you are fatigued by repetition as though you weren't down four cups of black coffee. Repetition legitimizes. “From the sign,” the translation reads. Notation, simply instructing a musician to return to a certain point in a piece. You recognize it as an intro song you wrote years ago.

Glass and foam separate the undersized room. Cheap ramen and dampness in the hot air contribute to the odor. You would keep the fan on, if it were worth the extra time filtering out faint noise from recordings. The only scent that keeps you sane is a slight strawberry flavor lingering in the room. Jiwoo. Your muse. A large clock holds both of its hands near one with the lack of natural light muddling whether it’s AM or PM. Studios were always underground man-caves whether they were discount rooms or the signature workspace of the biggest producers. Here you are in the former. Look down at the Macbook and all the wires, sliders, and knobs. Deep breath. “Take 63,” you say into the cheap control room microphone.

“Not good enough.”

“Again.”

“One more.”

Look up. Jiwoo sucks on a grape lollipop. You stare. Watching her fixated on getting all flavor out of the purple sweet derails your flow state. See, work had a rhythm. Listen, volume up, hotkey to copy this clip, volume down. The obvious innuendo sends you offbeat. That perky butt bending over to get a notebook filled with lyrics entrenches the folds of your brain. She didn’t have to wear that skirt. You’ve seen that skirt already and you wish she weren’t wearing it. Oh, you really wish she weren’t wearing that skirt. Guilt sets in. You’re a trusted coworker, she, a naive girl. It takes a while to find your groove again. Your stare has yet to cease until she finally returns the eye contact with candy still in mouth. Her pink tongue laps to secure all the sugar and red pillows engulf the ever-shrinking circle. Pop. Anyone else and it would be calculated action.

“Oppa." Her voice resounds in your monitor headphones. "I don’t know if these harmonies really make sense. Why did you write the second voice to cross down below the main line? Plus it goes so low."

“To be fair, you wrote both of those melodies and you said you wanted them in the same song. Tell me anywhere else they’d work.”

“Ugh, let’s figure this out later. Next song.“

Dozens of takes later and Jiwoo’s frustration causes her to make mistakes. Sometimes she even tries to start singing with the sucker in her mouth. For the character she plays, you know she’s a professional and that she can be better. Yet hours later, she still could not get the vocal runs right. Incomplete songs bloat your project folder: "Jiwoo - Mania", "Jiwoo - Look Closer", "Jiwoo - Untitled Idea 21". Just a small side project that the company approved during another ample period of break time between comebacks. That’s why the director didn’t even let you use the company’s facilities, instead opting to rent out this cheap closet of a studio. At least no one would be mad about the amount of time you spent recording together.

You shift seats from the leather office chair to the white lovechair, the only two pieces of furniture that fit comfortably in the room. Jiwoo follows suit and leaves the recording booth, really more of a phone booth in square footage, while she huffs and puffs on her candy.

“I’m tired, oppa,” she says.

“Me too, Jiwoo. May I remind you that I’m not getting paid extra for this. Are you gonna focus or what?” your voice just a few cents down, just a bit harsher.

“I, I’m sorry.” A lick anyway. Her meek tone disappears, “Ya! You know how good your royalties are gonna be. Sole producer and all that. Plus, here you are still doing all this work for me." Why were you working so hard on this? "You know, if you just taught me how to use Ableton-”

“Then I’d be out of a job.”

Jiwoo frowns, “Wow, selfish much? You could’ve joined me as a trainee.”

“Nah, no way. Fish dance better.”

“Shut up, oppa. You would’ve easily made it with your, um, musical talent.” She clamps down on the lollipop with her mouth.

“You good? What was that?”

“Let’s," she stands promptly, "get back to recording.”

Crack. Jiwoo bites down on the lollipop and throws the stick in the trash. In ten minutes, she nails the verse she spent hours trying to get right. It'd be really nice to know what catalyzed that rally. You'd ask but driving Jiwoo back to her dorm is quiet as usual.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Make a good impression on someone, anyone, on your first day as a mixing engineer. That’s why you returned to the Blockberry Creative building with an extra bar of Melona in hand. A simple bribery. Light beamed down between two skyscrapers on a short girl with long hair and strands of bangs adorning her forehead. She stood outside the lobby, introducing herself to every passerby. You had to pinch her cheeks, the intrusive thought screamed.

She scurried up to you. “Hi! I’m Kim Jiwoo and I’m going to become an idol!”

Ah, a trainee. You already knew she was destined to become one. Well, not literally, you weren’t in charge of that. But her overflowing charm was impossible to ignore. You had to tease her though, “Are you sure?”

“Hey! What would you know about that, mister?” she said.

You bit down on your mango. “Mister? First of all, I’m only a high school senior,” her lips rounded in surprise, “And second, I’m your new audio guy, and I know for a fact they’re debuting you girls in order of talent.”

“Woooow. Well, I’ll have you know, I have a great voice!” She certainly spoke lyrically.  “Wait a minute, I didn’t know they hired people that young.” You pointed at her. “Okay, I’m in high school too. But that’s different, idols start this age.”

“I guess. I’ve been making music ever since I was a kid, and they liked what I had,” you said and Jiwoo nodded in understanding.

She fluttered her eyebrows. “Sooo, is that mango ice cream for me? Oppa?” A little surprised she already called you that, but it sounded right.

“No, I have this unopened strawberry-” Jiwoo snatched the half-eaten cold treat from your hand, and started licking it. Trouble she would be.

You spent many recording sessions together, alone after all the other members left. She cozied up to you because her little musical snippets had to become full-fledged tracks and you helped her out every time.

Something changed over the years however. Your interactions became colder. It felt like you were the only one who she would respond to in a deeper voice. Jiwoo wouldn't pepper you with silly acts or mess around. Maybe she took you more seriously which is how you managed to make more songs together regardless. Then, you stood idly by and watched her debut. Who didn't love her? But when she was with you, you missed the playfulness, the ice cream and her riffing over your playful guitar strums. It turned less of a hobby and more of a job though you never regretted any second with Jiwoo regardless.

Under the Earth's largest natural satellite, you shared a simple meal in black bean noodles. She was still in her hippie outfit from the comeback, and you handed her your jacket since it was cold. You realized, there was something else there that you were too inexperienced to notice. Your bodies' radiation replace the chill in the air, a bubble with just the two of you eating on the grass in a park near your dorm. A cliche slurping on one noodle and Jiwoo pulled away. In embarrassment, like a damn anime character, she hiccuped. Good thing you didn't close your eyes when you leaned in.

“Wanna make an album together?” Jiwoo says.

“Sure.”

You threw away the noodles’ package and escorted her home. That was all you expected anyway. Fine.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

“That’s enough!”

Three goddamn weeks. It's been three goddamn weeks and you've barely made any progress.

Barge into the booth, slam the door shut and raise your tone, just below a shout, “I've had it up to here! You know how many of my songs have been mashed together in some unholy quest for your perfection? Just one unknown something is missing and either you start complaining or we move on to the next."

She backs up from the mic to the insulated wall but you continue, paying no heed to her, as you spout your piece to the artificially cold air, "You know how much time I’ve spent outside working on these songs? These are songs I’ve saved up over years. And you trash them like they’re nothing. How do you even manage to record LOONA tracks?”

Regret sinks in. This was your passion project as much as hers. Was it frustration from the recordings? Weeks of the same routine and it took until now for you to give in to your temper.

"It wouldn't even be that bad! If you could just one time, you could be cute or cheerful again with me, or,” Fuck. So stupid. You don’t have to take your friendships for granted like this. You’re lucky enough she treats you as much. “Hold on. Wait, I'm-"

Examine her face. It’s not sour and she hasn’t stormed out or even slapped you.

“No, no. You don’t have to say it. I’m. I’m sorry oppa.” She looks down. “I'm the one messing up after all." Her heartbeat a harsh snare drum. "And you. You're. Different. Looking at you always made me feel some, something funny. Not funny but? Ugh. I wish I could explain it.”

You hold in your confusion.

She blabbers on, “Like, are. Are you mad? I promise you, I,” A nervous breath, ”I like you. Okay?"

Your confusion grows like the length of your silence.

"I’m just acting how I really am with you. Do you want to maybe, I don't know, like," her voice decrescendos, "Um. Punish me?”

Your heart, your brain are deprived of blood as it all rushes down. Did you hear that right? Not an apology, not retribution, but a call to punishment? Misinterpreting her, the consequences would be dire but that damned demure tone for such an erotic request. Was Jiwoo the exact type of slut constructed in your mind? The one that made you feel sinful for even imagining. No, no, there's no way.

Too late. Jiwoo must have noticed the absurd bulge now. It had to be these Adidas pants today. Fuck it. Life can’t be lived fully without risk. Hopefully, the same switch turned in her mind. You remove all ire from your face and say in earnest, “Do you like games?"

She lights up a little. You sigh relieved.

"Let’s try…”, you say, ”Strip recording.” She lights up a little more, so you go on, ”If I mess up anything, the mix, the composition, the arrangement, I’ll take off a piece of clothing. Your choice. And every time you mess up-”

Jiwoo unbuttons her denim shorts and brings them down her tight legs.

“D- did I say now?”

However, with her resolve steeled, she continues pulling them. "So what? I did mess up, right?" she says coquettish. Deliberate the turn she makes when she bows down to remove the shorts from her legs, Jiwoo reveals a hint of her innie pussy on that same little ass that ran through your mind earlier. A small trace of her thighs glistens, the only thing reflecting the single lightbulb’s glow in the microphone’s abode. She turns back to face you. "Please. Punish me."

Step closer until Jiwoo backs up to the soundproofing. She’s an eighth note away from your face, flashing her beady eyes and a coy smile, ”Where's your underwear?" A little drop spills out onto the floor, "And why are you so wet, Jiwoo-ah?”

Red on her cheeks, like she only now realized her dishevelment in front of you. “You just… Something about you snapping at me. I don’t get it either. I knew you'd do it, some day, I wanted you to," she mumbles in her best efforts to answer you.

“Have you ever worn underwear to the recordings?”

Those efforts continue to fail.

"Oh, Kim Jiwoo. What do I do with you?" One of your hands grabs her cheek. The other crawls down her back to grab her cheek.

“Oppa… Do I have to say it?”

“I want to hear every." Smack. "Word." Smack. She slips a moan.

“Can you," she says, "can you use my mouth?”

You disguise your long pause as thought, teasing the bare skin of her ass with your exploratory fingers to bide time, but it's an expression of your shock. The interruption helps you come up with a more suitable punishment however.

“How about this then. Every time you mess up, you have to give me a blowjob. Call?”

“Call!” Once more, unprompted, she kneels down in front of you and claws away your track pants. You roll with the punches.

"Oppaa," with an pronounced pop and in a sing-songy rhythm, "I've always wanted to know, if your dick-" It certainly didn't need Jiwoo's dainty hands pulling on your boxers, as it would've sprang out on its own with how like diamond your cock is getting.

"Fuuuck," the first profanity you ever hear her utter, she lilts. "Please. Oppa. Fuck my face?"

After all she said, she could still surprise you. Bring your hips forward and just as you would've her pussy, tease Jiwoo’s lips with the head of your dick. She parts them open, starved, anxious.

Hold her by the chin. "Wait."

She freezes at the command. Again, like foreplay, rub her lips with that head making them turn redder and more plump. You sweep aside her bangs to see her begging eyes. More importantly, slide your dick up to her nude forehead to slap as a first act of retribution. “A-ah!” Jiwoo stutters as you slap her face with your manhood again and again. Bring your cock back down and she's already a mess without you even having entered her mouth. A little drool from her shut lips gently massages your balls while a bit of precum drools from your slit to meet those lips.

Jiwoo mumbles as best as she can with you holding her jaw shut and your dick on her lips, "Please. Please. Shove your dick in me. I need you in my mouth."

You squint your rough eyes to command her.

Muffled still, "Oppa. Please. I. I need to taste you. You just, you're so thick and you're so long and cock is perfect and please I just-"  Loosen the grip on her chin to let her envelop the entire tip with her warm lips. "Mmmmm..." the moan resonates a saw wave and your stern resolve fades away on your first entrance into her face but it returns as her teeth rub against you. She quickly readjusts her jaw but it takes multiple attempts of you pulling out and her sucking you back until only silken lips hold your cock's head. Finally. A focused glint in her eyes. She endeavours to keep your tip in her mouth as long as possible.

You were mad at her earlier, weren't you?

Recall this anger and press yourself into her with all your hips' strength, working against the force of her lip's airtight suction. Saliva leaks to betray the seal. Jiwoo's prying tongue explores the underside of your cock but you reach an impasse while she's not even halfway down the shaft. You shove your dick deeper but to no avail and tears roll down her eyes joining the fluids coating her lips. Thus you exit back out. And back in you go to repeat and repeat and slowly increase your rate, becoming rough sex with her diligent mouth. All the positions you’ve imagined fucking her little pussy, you picture using her throat instead. Even in this compact studio, the couch, chair and desk would provide ample support for you to use her in many ways. The dirty thoughts inspire your speed right now. She slurps and gulps at every quick plunge but you realize her moans and rumbles aren't just incoherent reactions. You decelerate.

“Ah, ahhh, ahhhhhh… Ah’ve ahways- Hmph.” She slurs as she tries her hardest to communicate while her airway is blocked.

She slides up your cock to catch some air, “Thought about it- Mmm.”

“Your dick in my mouth and it’s just so pew, fect- Ahhh.” Jiwoo's lips let go gently then her tongue sticks out to lick up your cock and she shows off a trail of spit leading to your tip. A less patient man would’ve jerked himself off right there to grant her eyes and open mouth's unison request to feed on your cum.

Instead you retort, “You think you’ve earned it? Not even halfway down. Going nowhere, just like our recording sessions, huh?”

“Shut up!”

“Oof.” You’re already weak in the knees so Jiwoo's one handed shove sends your tailbone to the floor. Since you’re still dazed by her confounding strength, she takes initiative and kowtows her head into your lap to crawl down your cock with her tiny lips. Fondling your balls, Jiwoo starts from the furthest point she could muster on your shaft up to your cock head. Her tongue follows back and she starts playing under your tip to swirl that tongue around the most sensitive parts until it explores your slit. You buckle and groan. Jiwoo sucks and spits and sucks while she circles only the most minimal twisting motion of her lips on your head. This is the Jiwoo you know. Relentless. Only now your load is her magnus opus.

Her right hand strays downwards and her face on your dick blocks a full view but you can tell that hand is working as intensely as her mouth. As she strokes herself with more vigor, she starts humming a satisfied melody on your tip. In kind, your subtle grunts turn into full-bodied moans. You're a single measure away from your coda so you reach down and pull her off your cock by grabbing her neck.

You glare into her. “Desperate little girl, aren't you?”

Her breath is stilted and she's nearly shaking. “Please…” she sobs, ”You, you want it as bad as I do right?” Of course. “Won't you just cum for me?” Not now. Not when you have putty in your hands.

“You're making a mess. You can't take me all the way down. And I see that it’s not just your saliva coating the floor.” Point to the spot where she kneels, her drool joins a stain growing ever larger with a strand of juice from her pussy flowing as you continue to berate her. Then you point to her hand. Ha. “Were you playing with yourself using my pencil?”

“No… Wait!”

You back off. “Your top’s a mess too. Anyone can tell I just fucked your face.” You take off your black hoodie and give it to her. “I’ll see you tomorrow for our next session.”

“Wait, we didn’t book tomorrow, did we? Also, you can’t just leave me like this! Oppa!”

"I said, I'll see you tomorrow. I have to go,“ you remind her, ”Ha Rin’s picking you up. And give me back that pencil.”

She hands it to you, unable to meet your eyes despite hers lusting over your cock. You'll definitely use the alluring musk on it for later to save you from your self-induced blue balls. Exit the booth. Of course she barely waits to use your hoodie the same way since she doesn’t notice you lingering in the room. Instead of hiding the grey long sleeve that soaks her neck, your used sweatshirt covers Jiwoo’s face as her fingers make the mess on the floor larger.

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AFF, AO3

Swear to god I’m not just writing the cutest idols to write for. I mean maybe I am but also this answer from @nsfwtwicecatcher​ and all the subsequent pictures that I found of Chuu pouting inspired me. Also, this was a longer piece but I kept spinning my tires on it and decided to split it up, so look out for more.

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Fermata, the aforementioned sequel