#its been like 2 years of me complaining
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I bitched so much I got what I wanted!
#v true#im so excited#no more leaking roof#it leaks right over my bed#so it drips on my chest and arms while i sleep#and if i don't notice it will get the bed all wet#but my mom finally called the roof ppl#then we have to call the bank for a loan#and i couldnt do that bc the house is not in my name and the loan will not be in my name#i complained to my dad over the phone#and i think my mom has had enough#she doesnt like when my dad gets involved with our house.#bc he doesnt live with us#im so glad she called#its been like 2 years of me complaining#and i keep getting more cracks#you would think shed have called the day after i had to sleep with her bc of the leaking#but she did not#so i complained to my aunt t#who did nothing#im just so excited#ik its gonna raise the bill prices#but i dont care#i wanna sleep in peace#i was woken up again this morning by water dripping on me#and the next two days is suppose to be bad storms#so im going to be real cranky#i straight up told my dad no one cares bc it doesnt affect them#shut up nicki
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#BRUHHHHHH I NEED ANOTHER TEASER I BEG YOU RIOT#ITS BEEN THREE YEARS I CANT WAIT TO USE NEW CONTENT FOR GIFS LMAO#personal tag#dont look at me im just here to complain about content drought lmao its really not good in fostering a healthy fandom ngl#because ppl will just hyperfixate and consume media for like a month and then the fandom goes poof right after lol#i miss all the people scrutinizing media every week i miss all the essays pumping out when content arrives#these days its just.... nothing lmao i only really still have arcane in my mind because of fanfiction and a lot of fics have been inactive#ik we're getting new stuff in a few months#and ik we're not in canceled shows hell but like#i really hope that if theres season 3 we're gonna get it a bit more regularly#i really miss it when content was like weekly or every 2 weeks because ppl and the fandom are wayyyy more active during those times#binge culture and netflix sort of changed it lol#i miss it when fandoms were huge!!! i miss it when it was so CHAOTIC lmaooooooooo#I MISS WAITING FOR LONG ASS HOURS WAITING FOR CONTENT TO RELEASE EVERY WEEK!!!! I MISS IT!!!! that was like what 12 years ago LOL#I KNOW arcane is special with their 3 year drought because it takes time to make arcane#but like..... idk man i miss content lmao#iirc they took too long to make s2 bc they have no idea if s1 would be even renewed#so i hope s3 will be a bit more regular now#anyways im gonna go bye bye
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my job makes me want to die
#everyone is SO extroverted all the time and like i can be too just not 24/7 like i have social burn out 2 hours into the day#and ive only been here a month so were giving it at least a few more but my xanax script is really getting its use auejdjakakla#im antisocial which is FINE fake it till u make it but my god im in SOOOO many meetings it makes me want death#anyway i love complaining and cannot leave this job until at least a year in so 11 more months to go babies!!!#everyone is really nice its just a Lot#also sorry op to use ur gif but is a Vibe
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Melatonin is a delicate balancing act, it took some time to find a dose that helped me fall and stay asleep without leaving me groggy after 8/10 hours. For me, that has been 10 mg gradually increased to such over a few weeks then steady since.
I also take roughly a week without it every month or two, as the bottle recommends. Listen to your body and do what you can. Good luck, and thank you for the sweet gay were/pire comic<3
Yeah, I can tell my sweet zone is somewhere between 3 and 6 mg, at least right now. Or at least I think it is. Admittedly my sleep has been absolutely horrible since I was a kid so my standards on "not tired" are pretty low, so I'm not actually sure if they're any good right now. All I know is I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, and I'm not spending every waking moment fighting off a nap!
Thanks for the confirmation I've gotta test with it and go off and on and such, my doc didn't give me a straight answer on that (he just kept saying take it as needed... I need it every night!!!). 75% of the time being good is way better than 0% so I'll take what I can get!
And the gay comics are the least I can do 🧡 thank you for reading it!
#my boyfriend actually commented unprompted that ive been complaining less about being tired all the time..m#like dont get me wrong. im still tired#but it has been a WORLD of a difference.#like. its been every day since i was like 14 that just. all day i could fall right back asleep#and every night i wake up every. other. hour.#ive never really been able to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time#so ive never gotten uhm. good sleep before.#and ive had to stay in bed 14. 16. 20 hours to even feel like i can GET UP!!!!#super bad hahaha#but I'll take a week of that every month or so over every day#im just glad ive found a dose and combo thats workint for me cause ive tried melatonin before and it didnt help#but that was qlso before i used those nose strips. which also help me a lot?#so i think the combo is important#and i wouldn't be shocked if in 5 years i learn of another secret sleeping ingredient#anyways. maybe i can line up the bad sleep week off melatonin with the other week that sucks every month auajjddjdjejdj#see how it goes lol#oh ive also been taking other vitamins which have also been helping#so that combo leaves me with some actual waking time that im not fighting off a nap#this is why I've been posting more recently btw lol#asks#jackedupjack
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My boss asked if I could come in and work a few hours on my birthday next month (it's on the weekend this year and my normal work schedule is just weekdays) because we have a very time sensitive and expensive two day experiment lined up and ngl as someone who doesn't really like her birthday or has the best memories associated with it, getting paid time and a half for a few hours to fuck around with super expensive shit sounds pretty fun.
#not tf#my ramblings#i just have not great feelings about my birthdays#its nothing traumatic#its just there have been so many things that happened every year#like throwing a party expecting 30 people and only 2 showed up#or my family asking me where i wanted to go eat and then complaining about my choice once we got to the restaurant#im also 99% sure my parents almost forgot my birthday last year because i didnt get a call or text from them til night#idk its just always been so hyped up for me only for the disappointment to always hurt more#so spending the day making some extra cash and then getting to go home and cuddle my cats seems like the best plan tbh
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girl pls just break up with him, he's not special
#alternatively: stay with him but never complain about him to me ever again#its been 2 long longgggggggggggg years#im so tired#i know i have never been 'in love' but this shit is ridiculous#no dick is worth this like i just can't comprehend it#someone pls explain this to me because my empathy levels are at a critical low and crashing#tor stfu challenge
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bitching abt my job again
tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia
#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind#for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at#and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years#only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down#despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down#so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen#and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it#and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first#--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl#bc of course they dont give a shit about the library#they just care about how scary the queers are#and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town#and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time#(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the#--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting#the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display#its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages#talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w#--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens#sourse: i was one of tgose#and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk#and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look#--elsewhere#bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater#--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education#i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too#but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in#--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on
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i need to fuckign explode
#i need to talk tohim i need to talk to him i need to talk to him i need to tlak to him but i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaant bc im too scared of that lol#it was on my mind two months ago it was on my mind a month ago and its on my mind now and it is driving me insane#bjt k dont want to say what it is because thats a can of worms of potential for people to Know i dont want#so glad the guy in question is locked out of tumblr and the other guy involved barely looks at tumblr#only fucking place i can get this thought out even vaguely#i need to talk to both of them bt i cant because i feel like i will die trying to. heart attack on the spot#as much as i dont want him to i hope he gets a notif for this and asks me sbout it#even though theres no way hed knownim specificslly talking abt him#bc at leas that way it spares me the fucking nightmare kf bringing it up to someone#and its like. objectively not s problem#if i just used my words and talked it out it would be done so fast.but the problem is even though i talk to both of them so much#the thought of talking to them abt this specific thing scares me so bad that#i think if i sent a text about it i would close discord snd not open it for 2 years#sighghhggggghhghgghhhggh ive been rlly good abt not venting on tumblr lately bc i didnt like doing it in the first plsce but#there is literally nowhere else for me to complain about this in a spacethat i am comfortable complaining sbt it in#that does not include one of the affected guys#lycan howls
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I posted this painting I was really proud of on instagram and it only has 2 likes 😭😭
#i thought 1:30 was a good posting time. i guess not#shoutout to monica and colette ur the real ones ❤️#instas algorithm has been showing my stuff less and less i think#like i have a pretty regular group of ppl who will like & engage with my stuff#last year or 2 years ago like. 40 was a regular number I'd get?#usually after like a day or 2#and this last year so far its been like half that. if lucky#and its the same active supportive ppl#like ppl i know in real life and such#so im inclined to think they're just not seeing it#i reshared my art of my grandpa on his birthday#and a number of ppl engaged who didn't see it the first time!#idk. its a bit demoralizing#i don't do it for the Clout or anything but#my instagram is an art instagram#and i do like my little circle seeing my stuff & liking it :/#mine#anyway this is SO complaining lmao u can just ignore me#maybe I'll post the painting on here
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Tagged by @kittlyns (back in march lol) to share my lock screen, last song played, and last picture saved
it didnt specify how many people to tag so im going to tag 10 people bc kittlyn tagged me on my blog's 10th anniversary: @girlwwx @rudiecantfail @yokoyas @glitteratti @booksnbarricades @sonyachni @ettelwenailinon @smiliestboye @sisyphuslnabyss and @hopefulqueer
#i found this it in my activity and i knew i would never have a better last photo than i do at this moment in time#(well the actual most recent photo is just a png of the 2 lime green Xs that i separated out to make future versions of this easier)#the context of the meme is talking about songs being stuck in my head‚ not my general feelings toward them#and its about the great comet of 1813.mp3 not the entirety of great comet#also the pallas cat represents me bc my discord profile is that photo#you dont care#tag games#if you saw this on discord… um hello?? im trying to keep these 2 identities /Vaguely/ separate so pls like… dont share this blog over there#but youre welcome to stay and look around at... my 10 years of complaining and oversharing in the notes 😬#for the people i tagged: i chose you bc youre all people that i interact with/have interacted with in the past#thank you for being here. you obviously dont have to do this if you dont want to!#sorry im never on here anymore its bc i access ao3 through the tumblr app rather than a regular mobile browser so i cant really use mobile#and my internet makes it difficult to use tumblr on desktop#not me being like 'damn i cant believe NONE of them saw this yet' only to realize its been in my drafts for 3hrs#since i wrote this up i listened to zayn's leaked demo 'hurt' but im not updating this now#partially bc the idea of writing the alt text for the album cover i made makes me irrationally nervous
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...
#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made#friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go#bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple#the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula#for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b#concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown#its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a#healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take#more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end#of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me#and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this#project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data#bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i#just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping#ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and#classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die#my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday#who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio#majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes#b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative#ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week#until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad#who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we#die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him#its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of#sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol#whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated
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think im back in my Everyone is stupid era bcuz im mad at people for literally no reason
#rolls eyes#by people i mean like maybe. 3 . and i barely talk to them . Well lately#iunno something about the way . they all act the same but they would never admit it . and theyre the type of people to complain without#trying to fix the problem#i dont know . theyre always like#i dont know what to do ! im so miserable ! why isnt everyone doing exactly what i want them to ! pay attention to me !#i cant possibly be the problem here !#and nobody ever tells them otherwise because its mean🥺 itll hurt their feelings ... what if they do something bad...!#in which case 1 i dont care and 2 they shouldnt be interacting with other people if theyd do that#it pisses me off because they always think theyre some helpless animal that cant fend for itself#but they also think they can do no wrong and if for a moment they DO think they did something wrong#the thought isnt even explored because either 1 they got coddled or 2 the victim complex kicks in#everything bad happens to me ! why does nothing good ever happen to me ! how come every relationship i have fails !#well the obvious answer is you are the constant in this experiment . if you remain unchanging but the factors around you change each time .#You are the cause .#and i dont get the fear around being wrong or fucking up like that . who gives a shit . if you put in the effort youre a good person .#it doesnt matter who or what youre doing it for . if youre trying to improve yourself you are not a bad person at your core .#you say all that though and all they say is I am trying !!! i just dont know where to start...!!! and theyve been trying for years#like bud clearly something isnt working#i dont know . maybe this is me viewing life as an experiment but Really if you analyze this shit closely you can find an easy answer#ok rant over !
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school madness
#drama is happening in the school AND I AM IN ON IT RN‼️‼️‼️ /POS IM ABOUT TO RALLY WITH THE ADMINS RAAAUUAWWWWRR#OKAY SO LIKE?!?????!!!!!!!!#our exams are on monday#but not all of the teachers really had their chance to cover all the lessons for us to tackle for the reasons being:#1) the school loves extracurricular activities#2) national holidays (but this is understandable)#3) THEY WANT OUR FUCKING CLEARANCES SIGNED!!!!! SHOULDN'T THAT SHIT BE DONE /AFTER/ EXAMS?????#MF NO CLEARANCE NO EXAM EXCUSE MEEEEEEE YOU EXPECT LIKE 1K STUDENTS TO GO SCRAMBLE AROUND THE SCHOOL ASKING FOR SIGNATURES#youre pushing them to finish getting the admin signatures first RATHER than telling them to study for the exams??? and you tell me#OHH FINISH THE CLEARANCE FIRST BEFORE THE EXAMS#anyways the students and my class adviser (not an admin) are rallying to reschedule the exam for another week because this is bullshit#last school year our exams were transfered to january!!! why cant we do that last time!!!!!!!!!!#and it was okay!!!!!!!!#im like#mad and tired and fuckin OAUUAAHH#usually i feel thr urgent need to study to be prepared for the exams BUT I DON'T FEEL THE URGENCY BECAUSE WE WERENT TAUGHT PROPERLU 😭😭#my complaining isnt even filled to my satisfaction i still have so much more to complain about ohmymgoiooodd#eugh whatever i literally walked out today to get my clearance signed (30% complete 😭 its not easy to get signatures) im gonna go write#absolute bullcrap i tel you#this week has been hell
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Companies: we need workers so bad!! Theres a worker shortage and we desperately need people please apply please work for us please please please
Me: ok sure what do i need to do to apply
Companies: ok so you need 3 years experience in this exact job so we dont have to train you!!
Me: uhhh no but i have 4 years retail experience and this job I want is literally just slightly higher paying retail
Companies: ok do you have a masters degree
Me: did i mention this is basically higher paying retail?? Why would i have a masters degree for this specific thing, all it involves is talking to customers and pointing them to places and maybe cleaning or working a register. All of which i have 4 years experience doing
Companies: well then sorry but youre not qualified, you need experience AND a masters degree
Me:
Companies: WHY WON'T ANYONE WORK FOR US WE NEED WORKERS SO BAD
Me: I'd be a great worker if you'd be willing to spend like a week training me but go off I guess
#i dont see why i would need a masters degree for like working the children and teens section of the library#correct me if theres something im missing here but like#mostly i need to be able to clean and shelve books and tell people where to find books#maybe give book recommendations#maybe help people navigate the website or get help with their own personal devices#thats mostly what librarians do right#this isnt only about my local library btw its about several other unrelated jobs mostly that involve customer service at a front desk#but literally tho ive been a library aid for like 4 years and have done retail also for 4 years#and back in high school i apparently checked out the most books of anyone in the school (3 daily)#i can give recommendations for books in the children and teens section easy#especially manga thats also in the teens section#literally i think i would be so good at this job why do i need a masters#i get it if theyre worried about me not being bilingual but come on#and the other jobs again just stick me at the desk and give me like 1 or 2 weeks training and I'll prolly be good to go#please just give me a job i just need somewhere i can work long term while working on art on the side#is that too much to ask#sorry if this is negative or sounds like a vent post i just think its annoying that everyone complains about a worker shortage#and then turns away applicants with bachelors degrees just cuz they dont have experience with their one specific job#idk i dont get it
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watched the sonic movie again. crying screaming yelling etc
#THAT’S HIS DAD! THAT’S HIS MOM! THOSE ARE HIS PARENTS!!!!#HE’S GOT A BROTJER!!!!! HE’S GOT TWO BROTHERS!!!!!!#HE GOES SUPER!!! SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER#GOLDEN AND FLYING AND EVEN FASTER AND UNBEATABLE#PROJECT SHADOW!!!! FUCK!!!!!#SOMETHING UNDER ‘ROBOTNIK’ FROM 50 YEARS AGO!!!!!! A BLACKSITE!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!#ouguh and when Shadow’s legs start showing up while the dude’s like ‘my god…’ like SAME BRO#im so so so so so fucking excited for the third movie GOD wont 2024 come FASTER#but it’s ok! i’m a very patient girl! i can wait!!#thank you mystery skulls animated for teaching me patience <3#anyway im losing my mind over this what yall up to lol#this is always my reaction#i watvhed it on the living room and my mom sat there bc. bc. and then complains it when i watch it at my speed (rewatching the same scene 7#times) like oh im sorry YOU decided to sit here smh🙄 /lh#oh im so excited for the next movies#i’ve been thinking abt it what kind of stories they could make…#im imagining what games can be incorporated and whatnot#obv sa2 is gonna be in the 3rd movie yeah but like whqt else#they put 2 ans 3&k together and we’ve yet to see Amy i’m lowkey hoping they put cd in the next one! although metal would prolly make things#harder bc we cant have 2 sonic clones in the same movie right? and idk ig sa2 has plenty of story on its own but still! also Amy is VERY#important for Shadow’s turning point at the end of sa2 so she must show up righ???#i can see cd showing up too.. or at least a PART of cd… idk idk#then i thought abt since the next movie will be shadow when’s the THIRD s hedgehog show up right? do u think 06 will ever be adapted…….#they could use Elise??? maybe??? wouldn’t that be cool? no need for the kiss just a girl who has half a god inside her! no need for romance!#anyway. what abt unleashed. oh can you imagine the werehog????? please please plea#ok so i am DEF looking too much into it but Eggman DOES howl in this movie and comment on super sonic ‘you look good’ NOT ‘you look festive’#which COULD leave it open for unleashed stuff… idk idk i just like to dream skdnkfmf#liv.txt
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bitching abt homophobia n shit at my job in the tags o7 happy pride
#so i voluenteer at a library n work there through a 3rd party job center over the summer. ive volunteered there for like 5 yrs so i know --#--the staff there p well#anyway yeah so like last year our pride display got taken down bc someone complained. our director didnt really contest this.#our pride display got taken down again. this time with the board threatening to cut funding if we put it back up.#no contesting yet again#its literally just the corner of a 3 sided display podium with some gay books or whatever#some guy comes in and tears up our lgbt author rec list. the director removes those as well#there r 2 bi clerks and one genderqueer clerk and me! the fag gopher and she still doesnt feel it pertinent 2 stick up for the ppl who--#work there#or maybe she does right? like i want to believe she does bc ive known her for 5 maybe 6 actually years. ive gone to christmas--#parties at her house. shes been someone i can count on before and yet here she is letting us all down#bc its not just me or the gay ppl who work there right its for the ppl in my shitty fucking southern town who have basic common decency#shes someone i thought was some kind of ally HAHAH...like that term feels lame but#.....yeah yknow?#she even said shed be moving picture books with gay parents and shit into a quote quote adult matters section into the juvenile section#i assume on request of the board bc obvs being trans or gay or whatever is of course an adult matter that will taint our beautiful little#tow headed bastards#we even had the guy who requested the pride display be taken down come in today and CHECK to make sure no faggy books were out#ive been very angry about it and i just need to ...spit it up somewhere. maybe a transformers blog isnt the best place for it but whatever.#sorry about my language lol.#shes my boss and its going to be a real issue for me bc she laughed saying id have to start cleaning bathrooms this year and i legitimately#--nearly had to leave the room. like haha really funny. glad you can laugh about shit. did you know im a fucking queer.
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