#its complicated and unique and *theirs*

[saiiboat]

poly morning crew im thinking about it so hard..

[brabblesblog]

Ch 15: Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it.

Astarion has ascended, and she has stayed with him. Life in the Crimson Palace isn’t as idyllic as it seems. Is there a chance for their relationship to go back to how it was? Or is it too late for the Ascendant and his consort?

This series is about Ban, my Tav, and the Vampire Ascendant. Will be angst and smut, with sprinkles of fluff.

This fic is a softer take on Ascendant!Astarion and of the changes he undergoes after the rite. Can Ban handle the change, and if a chance came, would she choose to run? And can the Ascendant win her back in time? Inspired by the concept of vampire wives and that IGN interview with Larian that discussed the ascension.

Professionally edited by @editing-by-night

Complications from the rescue collide with realizations about just how hard healing really is.

Read on AO3.

Masterlist.

Astarion fell and she caught him in her arms. He looked impossibly small and frail, and - though the thought brought a small wave of guilt to Ban - still impossibly beautiful.

Ban’s giant form finally released her, shrinking her back down. She cradled Astarion tightly. Rhapsody protruded from his chest, jolting erratically with every beat of the heart it was buried in.

She braced against the stabbing, tearing pain. As he had felt her staking, she felt his.

“Astarion.” For a moment, she forgot where they were, forgot the danger, forgot Gale, forgot everything but him. For a moment…

…there was only red.

The ruby of his beautiful eyes, glassy with pain. The scarlet blooming from the wound on his chest, spreading across his shirt. The crimson haze of rage and the red-hot agony, swirling in her own breast.

The urge to rip Vel apart became overwhelming and Ban turned, fully intending to give in to it. Instead, the spawn descended upon him and secured for themselves the freedom that should always have been theirs.

Astarion winced; his body shuddered and he felt the familiar grasp of death, the viselike grip on his chest unyielding and so cold. He wanted to tell Ban he loved her. That knowing her had been a privilege. That his time with her, as short as it had been, had been the happiest he’d ever had, and he was grateful for it. That she was everything to him. That she should find love again, someday. That he would look for her, in whatever lay beyond the veil of his true death.

But he was the Ascendant, and his power slowly took hold, oblivion withdrawing its grasp, death retreating like the ebbing of the tide.

It wasn’t enough to heal a wound this grievous, no. But it might just keep him alive.

Astarion raised his hand, reaching for her cheek, calling her attention back to him. She pressed her face against it.

“You fucking idiot,” she hissed, “Why did you-”

He shook his head, shushing her. “It’s okay. Just… pull it out, love?”

They both looked down at the dagger.

She was unsure.

Vampires could regenerate and the Ascendant at an even faster rate, but Rhapsody was unique. Likely made specifically for the rite, it had given Astarion his scars, had cut into Cazador’s back and they hadn’t healed. Pulling it out could help his regeneration, but it could also cause more damage or even cause him to bleed out.

In this, every option was a gamble.

Her hand carefully grasped the hilt of the dagger. She could feel it twitching in time with Astarion’s failing heart, the beat now irregular and alarmingly fast.

“Don’t!” Gale shouted, rushing to her side. “There are potions in his pocket. I provided him with some. Stabilize him first. Then we bring him to my tower and we’ll do… something.” He inspected the wound, unsure what could be done, but he wouldn’t risk pulling the dagger out until they were somewhere safe at least.

Ban reached into Astarion’s pocket, fingers fumbling until she found the pouch. She pulled it out; took the bottle and uncapped it, tipping its contents into his open mouth.

Work. Please work.

Astarion’s eyes fluttered shut; she wanted to scream at him to stay awake. Stay with me, please. Don’t go. Not now. Not ever. Please. But his hand on her face stayed put.

Still here, he thought at her, his body responding a little to the potion. She felt her own pain ease slightly, mirroring his, and wordlessly pressed a kiss to his unresponsive lips.

Enxisys approached uneasily; Ban tightened her grip on Astarion, barely containing a protective snarl.

“We… we have a teleportation circle, if you need it,” Enxisys mumbled pensively; it was a far cry from her demeanor at the party.

Gale went to talk to her and the quiet murmur of their voices immediately receded from Ban’s attention.

She couldn’t think, simply did not have room in her mind for anything other than Astarion. She slipped her hands under him, lifting him up. He groaned softly; she shifted him in her arms so that his head lolled against her chest. The sound was so unlike him, so frail. She found herself desperately longing to hear one of his snide quips, his witty disdain, his laughter, hells, she’d even take the Ascendant’s anger. Anything but that broken sound. She glanced up, realizing Gale must have made travel arrangements. He gestured for her to bring Astarion.

Following Enxisys and Gale, Ban walked gingerly, trying to keep her gait as smooth as possible, not wanting to jostle Astarion. As they walked, he mumbled into her chest, words too soft and too incoherent for her to understand. She tried to soothe him, her mind touching his. I’ve got you. We’re headed to Gale’s. Just stay with me. Just a little bit more. They eventually reach the room with the teleportation circle and were teleported to Gale’s tower.

Ban rushed through Gale’s tower as fast as possible without causing Astarion additional pain. Finding the guest room, she very gently laid him down on the bed, sitting beside him and squeezing his hand as Gale came in with an armful of potions and bandages. He set Ban’s pack and their weapons down in the corner of the room.

Gale split the bottles into two groups.

“Idea,” he began, “Half of this is for Astarion to take the moment we pull the dagger out. The other half-”

Ban understood. “I take the other half to replenish my own blood as he feeds on me.”

Gale nodded. Theoretically, the blood would be more beneficial to Astarion’s healing than pouring all the potions down his throat.

Steeling herself, Ban grasped Rhapsody’s hilt again. Astarion’s eyes were shut, his breathing shallow from the pain. Gale uncapped the first half of the potions, then parted Astarion’s lips, ready to pour.

“This will hurt, love. I’m so sorry.” He moaned in response, and she took that as an affirmative. Cupping his cheek, she leaned down to kiss his clammy forehead before giving Gale a quick nod.

They moved as one. Ban pulled Rhapsody out with a sickening squelch; Astarion barely had enough time to let out a pained groan before Gale began administering bottle after bottle of the potion, occasionally rubbing Astarion’s throat to encourage him to swallow.

Tossing the dagger aside, she firmly pressed bandages against the wound, stemming the flow of blood. The sight of it made her mouth water, the smell of it suffused her senses. Ban shoved the hunger aside and looked up to see Gale pouring the last bottle into Astarion’s mouth.

Hurry.

The moment the bottle was empty it was replaced with Ban’s wrist pressing against Astarion’s parted lips. For one terrifying moment, he was unresponsive. His mouth remained slack, and her stomach rolled in a way that had nothing to do with blood.

“Astarion,” Ban murmured urgently, nudging his mouth. If he doesn’t respond soon, I’ll have to make a wound for him to drink from. That would at least get him started.

His eyes flickered open, barely, but he found enough strength to bare his fangs.

He drank.

Ban’s eyes did not leave his face as she began to take bottles from the other half of the healing potions, drinking whenever she started feeling a little faint. She dared not speak, couldn’t even think, entirely focused on his healing. Her eyes tracked his every swallow, every rise and fall of his chest, every twitch of his body. Eventually, she saw the color return to his skin, ears slowly turning pink at the tips, his breathing became less labored. His wound began to close, the bleeding under the bandages slowed and then ceased altogether. She was relieved beyond measure to see the pain slowly drain from his face, to feel it receding from him through their bond.

Astarion’s eyes fluttered shut, and for once he did not hold back when feeding from her. He swallowed over and over, savoring mouthful after mouthful, because it was given, freely and without demand for reciprocation.

Because it was her, her essence and her life and her love.

He didn’t stop drinking for a very long time.

Ban closed the door behind her silently. Inside, Astarion was asleep, having slipped into trance the moment he had filled his belly. The wound wasn’t completely healed yet, and he would be vulnerable for a day or two, but the worst was behind him.

She headed to Gale’s study, finding him poring over sheafs of papers. He looked up at her entrance and she smiled.

“Yes?” Gale shifted to face her.

“Astarion’s fine. He’s resting.” She leaned against the doorway, awkwardly shifting her weight to one foot. “We might have bled on your sheets. Sorry.”

Gale scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. “Think nothing of it. You’re most welcome to stay here until he is better.”

“He probably won’t take long to recover.” Ban entered the room, sitting in the armchair by the fireplace. She kept her eyes on Gale. “Thank you, by the way. He’ll never say it, but he’s grateful, too.”

“I have the distinct impression he’s more inclined to gut me than to offer anything resembling appreciation.”

“He’s…” She watched Gale continue to work. “Well. Insecure.” Astarion would loathe her saying so, but what of it?

“We all know that. Even before he ascended we knew. He was just better at keeping it to himself back then.”

“Actually-” she began, then hesitated. Should she tell Gale, and by extension, the rest of their companions?

He perked up, curious.

“He’s trying,” she finally settled on saying. “It’s slow going, and it will take time. But he’s making an effort.”

“And what then, Ban, when he has you again?” Gale couldn’t help but ask. “What happens the day he no longer fears losing you, the day his patience runs out yet again?”

She tried to hide the flash of fear at the thought.

“I - he won’t.”

“How can you be so certain?”

Ban felt her temper rise. “I can’t. I can only trust that he won’t.”

Gale finally looked away from the papers he’d been grading to meet Ban’s eyes.

“Do you trust him?”

A valid question from her best friend, but a painful one. If he’d asked about her love, that would’ve been easy. She could’ve given an honest ‘Yes, of course. More than anything’ and been free of this uncomfortable conversation. But Gale had always been intelligent - and far too intuitive - and he saw right through her. Love was easy, but trust? She hadn’t been the most trusting or open person to start with, and then the Ascendant had crushed what little she’d managed to build. They’d made so much progress, and yet…

She wanted to say yes, but found that the word was stuck in her throat.

Astarion opened his eyes to see Ban sitting in an armchair beside his bed, asleep. He pushed himself up, disoriented. The room was unfamiliar. Then the memories came, and he placed a palm over his chest, finding unmarred flesh.

He reached for his wife.

“Love.”

She stirred and he took her hand, tugging gently.

“Come lie down with me.”

Ban did so, carefully settling her head on his shoulder, and as her arms wrapped around him, he was swathed in warmth and comfort. Her blood ran hot in his veins, her body wrapped around him, pliant and soothing. Astarion hadn’t felt loved like this in a while, and his body responded to it. His breathing quickened, her blood rushing to his cock.

“How are you feeling?” Ban asked quietly.

“Better, now that you’re here.” He tightened his grip on her, hands idly stroking her hair.

She trembled a little, the last of her emotional strength ebbing away as he held her. The hand wrapped around his torso tightened as she made an effort to not break down.

“I’m here, Ban.” Astarion leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “There isn’t anything to fear.”

She whimpered, and then she was on him, lips crashing against his with a fiery, desperate need.

Astarion grasped her hips, pulling her up, encouraging her to straddle him. Her weight settled on his cock and made him groan. His hips hitched up, pressing his length into her. He rutted helplessly, tilting his head back as she kissed a path down his neck. His cock felt the warmth of her mound through their clothes; he knew her wetness would be beginning to pool within. His hands scrabbled to undo the laces of her trousers.

“Fuck.” The word escaped from his lips in a guttural moan as he finally managed to untangle the knot his fumbling had made of her laces. His hands dove to her waistband to forcefully shove the trousers and drawers down and off. He glanced up to meet her gaze, seeing the lust he felt reflected in the dark pools of her eyes.

Ban sat up, splaying a hand against his chest for support. She playfully ground against his clothed cock, eliciting a gravelly moan from him. There was too much between them.

“Feel that?” he breathed when she rolled against his length again. His cock felt too hot, too tight, too hard. “Feel what you do to me, Ban.”

I love you. I need you. I want you.

He grabbed her ass, fingers digging in hard. He urged her upwards, trying to get her to scoot higher up - a lot higher.

She looked down, realizing what he wanted, huffed out a soft scoff, filled with relief and amusement in equal measure. “Really? Someone’s eager. And apparently feeling much better.”

“Well, you know. Near-death experiences and all that.” His eyes were half-lidded, lips curled into a smirk.

“I’m pretty sure I heard that line from Gale once,” she teased, and they both laughed.

Astarion fixed her with a sultry look, eyes filled with unbridled hunger.

“Sit on my face, darling.”

She obliged; the moment his mouth made contact with her was paradise. She gripped the headboard for support, hips involuntarily rolling, fucking his mouth.

Astarion eagerly lapped at her, tasting her slickness as his tongue flattened and spread her open. He worked at his trousers, freeing his cock. He didn’t touch himself yet, instead moving his hands back to Ban’s ass, pressing her tighter against his mouth. Her hips rolled in response, dragging herself against his tongue again; his own hips thrust up reflexively.

The need was exquisite, the ache in his cock almost tortuous. He could feel himself throbbing insistently, beads of precum forming at his tip. If he touched himself now, he would come immediately.

To think I almost lost this, almost lost it all. I’ll never waste another moment. Not one.

Instead, he focused on Ban, finding her clit and laving it with quick flicks of his tongue. Slipping two fingers inside her, he found her drenched and ready for him. His cock twitched violently, begging for something - anything - but he fought the urge to pleasure himself.

“Astarion,” she moaned, more than halfway gone in the throes of passion. She was barely aware, but enough to know he would need more. She leaned back to wrap a hand around his cock.

A low hum of pleasure greeted her the moment she touched him. His skin was hot, cock painfully hard and his tip glazed with precum. She stroked him slowly, languidly, making sure to linger at the head. He whined, the sound muffled by her folds; he began devouring her with increased fervor. She was close, her hips moving faster, grinding her clit against his worshipful mouth.

Astarion’s mind didn’t even exist for him; the pleasure between his legs and his need to make her come, his love for her, became his whole world. His fingers increased their pace inside her, tongue working in tandem to bring her to the edge. Her hand stilled as she lost the ability to focus, and eventually pulled away from his cock, but he didn't protest. There would be time for that later.

She loves me. That was all he really needed.

Ban whined, her thighs flexing hard on either side of his head. It only encouraged him; he stopped breathing entirely and just licked, fingers fucking her relentlessly. His own hips rolled, desperate for the friction that just a moment ago was there. The ache in his cock was immense, and he loved it.

He was pretty sure they’d ruined Gale’s sheets, between his injury and this, and that brought a vicious, petty wave of satisfaction.

Astarion looked up to meet Ban’s eyes. The gaze he leveled at her was well-practiced, seductive. Designed to make people come undone. His mouth made another pass, suckling, tongue flicking against her clit, and he took in the sight as her orgasm ripped through her.

She screamed his name, thighs spasming against his head with crushing strength, her weight pressing down on him as she rode out her climax. He mouthed at her throughout, eating her up like a starving man offered his favorite meal. He felt a gush of her slickness around his fingers and knowing he’d made her come that hard shot a jolt of electricity straight to his cock. His hips writhed and he moaned in delight.

Ban slowly came back to herself, slumping forward. The hand on Astarion’s chest kept her up, but just barely.

He waited until she began settling to resume breathing, pulling his mouth and fingers away. His face was coated; he licked his lips playfully.

“Good, love?”

She nodded, a little dazed. Offering him a small, almost shy smile, she moved lower down his body. For a moment, she hovered over him.

“Astarion?”

“Hm?” He tilted his head, excitement giving way to curiosity.

Her smile widened, and she took him in her hand, lining them up.

“I love you,” she purred as she sank down.

Those words, so rarely meant these long months, took his breath away. He’d had to ask, to demand, to beg for them; now they were freely given, and he nearly came then and there.

He felt her walls clench all around him as she began to ride him.

Her blood, filling his cock, his body. Her core, squeezing every drop of pleasure from him. Her, just her fucking him - no - making love to him.

Loved. I am loved.

He watched Ban ride him, every roll of her hips sending a great wave of pleasure through him. The waves built higher and higher, pushing him closer to ecstasy. He could feel her all around him, hot and tight and eager and wet just for him.

“Ride me harder, my love,” he crooned, his fingers digging into her thighs.

More, I want more. He began to thrust up into her as well, matching her rhythm.

Ban placed a hand over his chest, enjoying the desperate pounding of his heart. Her hips obeyed his request, transitioning from a soft roll to a rapid, punishing grind that made her legs burn.

Astarion felt himself approaching the edge, her walls dragging against and squeezing his cock with every roll of her hips. His eyes fell shut as he gave in to the sensations, lips parting, panting from sheer need. He wanted to make this last, but his body had been craving this release for far too long.

“Love-” he managed to say before his orgasm ripped through him. He whined, his nails clawing Ban’s thighs as his pleasure exploded. His hips lost their tempo, stuttering wildly. Astarion’s vision went white, and for a moment there was nothing but the sensation of spilling his seed inside his wife - of sweet, sweet release.

He eventually opened his eyes to see Ban smiling down at him. She rolled her hips one last time, making him squirm, cock oversensitive. She leaned down to kiss him, then pulled away, separating them.

Astarion didn’t let her go far; he tugged her to his chest, peppering her face with small, feathery kisses.

“Sorry,” she said, a little embarrassed about how aggressive she’d been.

“Whatever would you be apologizing for?”

“This. I got scared.” She shuddered, remembering the blood pooling, the dagger protruding from his chest.

He held her tighter. “I understand. You needed to be reminded of this. Of us. Of being alive.”

She nodded, burying her face in his chest. They were silent for a short while.

“That wasn’t the smartest idea, wasn’t it?” he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

“What wasn’t?”

“Waiting for the spawn to kill Vel,” he clarified. “I should have let you finish him, or ended him myself.”

It would have avoided his injury, at the very least.

Ban snorted. “Strategically, perhaps. I shouldn’t have turned my back on Vel, nor pulled you off of him. But you needed them to be the ones to do it.”

He considered this and found that he agreed. Outwardly, he tried to remain nonchalant. “Oh, no, darling. I just wanted to see the look on Vel’s face when his spawn tore him apart. A shame I missed it.”

“You do have a heart, you know? As much as you like denying it.”

Astarion stiffened, caught, but the tension broke and he laughed.

“Considering that it almost stopped again today, I suppose I have to admit that I do.”

She looked up at him and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. He saw a slight sadness on her face.

“Something wrong?”

Ban’s face darkened, then just as quickly as the expression came, it disappeared.

“Just worried about you.”

There was a waver in her tone that told him it wasn’t the entire truth.

Astarion wished it wasn’t the case, but he was also aware that there was still something off with her. Ban today, in his arms, and the Ban before he ascended were not quite the same. With everything that had happened he feared she might never be the same, that she would forever be tarnished by his sins.

What would he do, then?

She had once been more open, vulnerable, much more willing to trust. And then he had ruined her.

He wasn’t surprised that all was not yet truly well between them - he knew better than most how hard it was to move past trauma - but a small seed of resentment remained. He had risked his life for her, nearly died in the process, and yet her reaction was, at best, muted.

How long must I keep proving myself?

[ming-sik]

this isn't even completely meant as an insult but ascendance of a bookworm's worldbuilding really isn't that deep, it just has a few clever elements to create the illusion of depth. the biggest thing is in fact the idea of noble euphemisms. creating a social structure where characters communicate in obscure references to their mythology lets you 1) provide a convenient excuse for characters to exposit every time there's a new one, 2) motivates your readers to memorize at least the more common euphemisms, and 3) gives the impression that this is a world with a deep enough culture that they can communicate through references to other things that have happened. this is despite the fact that it's actually very easy to do, all you need is a list of gods along with everything they're the god of, and then whenever you want to create a euphemism you ctrl+F relevant nouns and then add it to a separate list so you can stay consistent. outside of that and "climbed the towering stairway"/"to the distant heights" and "offering flowers" which are direct translations of the simple concepts "he died :(" and "women being offered for sex", you can actually just say "the other nobles euphemistically said OOO" or use the overly flowery speech that exists in your native language. and there you go, convincing vibe of a very socially complicated and obtuse language without actually having to create a language beyond individual vocabulary words and a psuedolatin alphabet!

i think i would like noble euphemisms more if it were... more, or more accurately part of something more. i get that calque idioms are generally pretty cringy so people tend to be hesitant to adapt theirs, y'know "ザンツェの手(て)も借(か)りたい", but there's actually a secret third technique called "making up entirely unique idioms". you can even still use rozemyne and the readers' lack of common sense to have her occasionally mistake an idiom that isn't explicitly mythological for a thing that happens in yurgenschmidt or vice versa. especially if yurgenschmidt actually did have dialect and generational differences!

in a rewrite i would have rozemyne creating books in different dialects rather than standardizing everything in the sovereign royal academy prestige dialect but just like the modern version of it. to revisit a historical example, one of the biggest advances in public literacy were books being printed in the languages people actually spoke instead of exclusively classical languages! basically what i'm saying is that the dunkelfelger translation should've been a team effort between rozemyne and dunkelfelgerian scholars and it should've come with a glossary of common dunkelfeger terms and idioms. AND they should've had an argument about whether or not to phonetically transcribe the accent and if so the creation of a that accent transcription should've been its own chapter. yes this will be on the test

[abidethetempest]

Eliksni Formal/Informal Speech and House Dialects

The Eliksni discord server lovingly bullied me into making this post so if you're upset that this isn't an update on the Null Composure lore translation its not my fault /lh

long stuff under the cut bc this post got away from me (but then again, dont they all?)

Registers

Levels of formality (aka register) is a topic I have always wanted to include in Eliksni but haven't been able to develop highly yet because, well. kind of need to get the basic language down first. Speaking of, the Eliksni seen in pretty much all of my current material would be known as neutral Eliksni. It is neither formal nor informal, the kind of speech you would use to address someone of your rank or lower who you aren't particularly close to (or perhaps you are close and youre simply being polite. Socioloinguistics is complicated).

Informal Eliksni is what you would use with a friend, family member, or ✨lover✨, if youre into that sort of thing. It displays a level of intimacy and closeness, even more so when used in a formal setting. Who you use informal register with, and when, depends not only upon your rank relative to theirs, but also the kind of image you both want to potray to others. Examples of informal speech are few and far between so far, but here are a few things that are decidedly informal:

slang terms or contractions. one example from my lexicon is "eima", a portmanteau of the words for yes and no; used as a word to say “it depends, kind of/sort of, maybe” or a rhetorical prompt for agreement like “isn’t it?, right?”

dropping the rank honorific from someone's name (not quite as informal or impolite to do, but definitely implies a certain degree of closeness)

Formal register is used to address someone of higher rank or who you want to show respect to. Formal register is also used in poetry and traditional storytelling. It's the safest way to go when speaking to a stranger for the first time, tho with someone of equal rank you don't have to go all the way. Sticking to little stuff like full formal greetings is usually polite enough.

there is a unique pronoun in formal speech known as the "formal you" (why yes, i do speak a little German and it does influence this conlang. however did you guess?) as the name implies, this pronoun is used to refer to another person in the formal register. For true, ultimate formality, you can even abandon it entirely and refer to someone with their full name and honorific all the time. This is Capital F Formal though and can border on obsequious or mocking.

unlike neutral and informal, you cannot drop the subject of statements that refer to the same thing as the preceding statement (this is occassionally okay to do in writing if you need to save time/space, such as giving a report)

the conjunction mroks (meaning "for) is exclusive to formal speech-- mostly in poetry-- and replaces the conjunction liium (meaning "so"). When this happens, the order of the sentence must be flipped.

House Dialects

A topic I am also going to expand upon more later, since I haven't thought of that many ideas yet. Here all the bits what I have so far. Mostly based on headcanon.

House Judgement:

High Speak is a concept referenced only twice in the lore, both times referred to specifically as being the speech of House Judgement. Therefore, this register is primarily used in writing laws and-- you guessed it-- passing down judgements. It can be applied to other kinds of speech, but the only House that ever used it that way was Judgement. I have no examples yet bc there's a grand total of two canonical words in High Speak in the lore.

House Rain:

Rain dialect pronounces the sound "aa" as the same sound as the "ey/eh" diphthong when it comes at the beginning of a word. This arose due to a shift in pronounciation in other Eliksni dialects; at one point in the past, all Houses pronounced the "aa" sound as "ey" when it came at the start of a word. Other Houses shifted to pronouncing "aa" the same in all positions, but Rain preserved the difference in their speech and spelling.

House Kings:

Talk about pretentious-- Kings consider themselves so above the other "common" Houses that they use formal speech for almost everything, even among close friends. Getting a King to refer to you without an honorific means they must really like you... or they're insulting you. Could go either way.

House Wolves:

Their dialect is taken often as the "standard" Eliksni due to the high volume of recordings and translations done of their speech during their time among the Awoken. Odds are good any kind of field guide to Eliksni would be Wolf dialect. The only other concrete idea I have for Wolf dialect is that is more rigid about word order rules (such as where adverbs or secondary verbs may be placed in a sentence.)

House Devils:

Seen as a "lower" or less polite speech by other Houses, especially Kings. Informal speech is used with greater frequency between those of equal rank (and occassionally even to one's direct superiors). This is not, as often assumed, because the Devils have a disrespect for authority or traditional House hierarchy; it is more due to a cultural emphasis on unity and House loyalty, a focus that helped them function with a Kell for so long after the death of Solkis. Dividing the House so rigidly through every aspect of life, including the words you use, is not something that appeals to the Devils.

House Exile:

Lack of a traditional House command structure means a breakdown of the rank-based registers among Exiles, and as such formal speech is nearly non existent.

[magicalgirlsuggestions]

Do you think YuYuYu is ableist?

IMO, i think the concept of having your disability magically cure isn't that bad, and some (not all, just some) disabilities can indeed be like a curse (like chronic pain).

I don't get why some just badly hate its ending where the girls gain back what they lost; the show isn't perfect (*cough* sexualizing minors *cough*) but the healing of their disabilities shouldn't be counted as one of the flaws.

Many people can live with their disabilities, but others suffered from theirs, how come wanting to cure your disability is seen as ableist?

I totally understand what you mean, Nonnie. Though, I feel like the specific problem isn't that the characters were healed, but rather everything with Tougo.

Because at the beginning of the show before we know anything about mankai or the sange, Tougo is in a wheelchair. It's a fairly respectful depiction too! The chair lift at school, how she moves around and all that. The fact she's a member of the main cast and gets to fight along side the others is even cooler!

But then we learn "oh, she wasn't actually disabled! it was because of mankai!" and at the end of the first season, she doesn't need a wheelchair anymore. So we start out with amazing representation done in a respectful manner, only to end with that representation being erased.

Something I said in my review of the series (which you should watch :3c) is that yes, not being able to walk sucks and being disabled is not fun. But at the same time, it doesn't have to always be so bad.

For instance! I have food allergies. Peanuts, tree nuts, and milk can and will kill me. That is something I have struggled and lived in fear of my whole life. Whenever I see even a minor instance of a character saying "oh I'm allergic to that" I feel a bit excited because I am seeing an aspect of my personal life reflected back at me. An aspect of my life that often gets ignored or forgotten by others.

So if a character was like, idk CURSED with food allergies or something, and they spent their whole arc searching for a cure or lamenting about how horrible and agonizing it is to live with these limitations! Idk man I'd feel pretty bad.

It is a complicated issue that warrants further discussion. I know that the writers and animators behind the story put the utmost effort into respectfully and realistically portraying Tougo's disability, and they did an amazing job. It just sucks that the effort is no longer needed after season 1.

Not to mention, but Tougo losing her Doc-Ock ribbon stilts is just objectively a less interesting character design choice. All the girls can jump around and run, but Tougo's movements in season one were unique and super fun! So it sucks that it was lost moving forward.

Again, I recommend watching my review because I go into a bit more detail on my personal feelings of the matter (around 20:34 is the timestamp). It is a very nuanced topic that deserves further discussion.

[haevchanie]

I love the Lily Simpson video because it's so well done and I also still love the Harry Potter series. Why? Because the books aren't that deep and don't need to be nitpicked, but if you do find yourself doing that, it's still valid. You could also accept the canon stuff and create your own, more positive explanations using your imagination, because at the end of the day Harry Potter is a fantasy series that started off as a children's story and blew up, so if things don't match up too much, not to worry! You can be creative and immerse yourself more into this wonderful world.

I still think it's very well-written because I am personally very appreciative of simple, whimsical prose communicating more complicated concepts. Others aren't. That's okay. I can accept some of the weirder things in the books, plot holes, and mishaps because I can use my imagination, fill in the gaps, and call it a day. Others can't. That's also okay.

What irks me however, is the fact that shitting on it so wholeheartedly is really just being pushed out as almost something that should be a very universal opinion. It's weird and overdone, and that's exactly why I appreciate the Lily Simpson video at some parts, because it actually addresses some of the other things (I really liked the Eugenics section) in a logical and thoughtful manner. I think it's a really cool dissection. I don't really correlate it with the series too much because I don't see the point in doing that; it's just not that deep.

I genuinely like the books, and not just out of nostalgia. I think they're very good, writing, characterization, and world-building wise. It's got problems as does any original series, cause any new creative thing is bound to be imperfect and I think jkr did a decent job (given that she's jkr). You can also argue that's it's not really original, it's just a regurgitation of other concepts mashed together, but I've personally yet to discover any other series that includes the elements shown in Harry Potter as beautifully as the series does. (There's Le Guin with AWOES, and it's also got really cool elements and some of them aren't fleshed out entirely either, but I also love her writing, so there's that). It's still quite unique with its charm. It lacks more than a little depth, given it's got so many elements, but it's still very very cool. But to each their own, I could say.

It's just weird that all of a sudden there is everything wrong with the series, and more often than not, I find more criticisms than appreciation. Some of it stems from jkr bring jkr and some stems from the fact that people put it on a 'literary genius' pedestal (and while I think it's a very impressive series, just like pjo, neither are paragons of literature).

I have nothing against the criticisms, per se, it's just that most of them stem from advocative mindsets that set these expectations that the books ultimately don't fulfill well. The reality is that the writer of anything doesn't particularly owe an audience anything; authors can choose what they want to focus on more, be it plot, characters, worldbuilding, etc. It's more well rounded nowadays because of, well, the way things are now. This doesn't mean that the author is entitled to degrading issues vehemently in their writing (words are very powerful), but it is ultimately theirs to do what they want with it. And jkr wanted to keep it digestible and charming enough for the younger audiences. It definitely could've been really cool if it was a more serious thing like Hunger Games, but it wasn't really launched with that intent from the very beginning. I do think there was decent transition in tone between boom 4 and 5.

Some people expect too much from a fantasy series that started off for kids and grew into something for teens, that's all. Not saying they're wrong for what they want, it's just weird when you're straight up bitching about stuff that isn't as deep as you think it is. If y'all don't like the series, that's your business, cool, but you don't have to drag it through the mud and belittle it. That's weird, guys.

Anyway if you've read the entire thing, kudos to you, have a wonderful day.

[sitp-recs]

Hidden Gems by @writcraft

September is indeed a blessed month as some of my favourite fandom folks celebrate their birthdays (and I resent that!! 😂). I completely missed Writcraft’s a few days ago so this is a humble if belated little gift to celebrate them. As I put this together I realized I’ve never made a proper reclist for them, despite having read almost everything from their catalogue at this point. The heresy! So I thought maybe this could be some sort of love letter too, to show how much I appreciate their contributions to the fandom over the years.

I’ve been reading Writ’s fics - both Drarry and rare pairs, hello Harry/Teddy and Snarry my beloved! - since 2012. Not even in my wildest dreams I imagined I’d ever get to interact, let alone be friends with the mind behind one of my all-time favorite reads, the iconic Little Compton Street. This story means so much to me it’s impossible to think of it without getting choked up in my emotions.

For the first time I found myself eager to learn more about queer history through fic, because of the touching and sensitive approach to the theme, which got me as invested in it as I was in the Drarry romance. LCS was also the first fic that made me wish I could see a first kiss scene on the big screen (with Bowie’s Life on Mars in the background of course!); it’s the first fic that made me consider James/Sirius as a romantic ship, the first fic that took me by the hand and guided me into London’s vibrant and seductive landscape and nightlife, not to mention the places of historical significance for the queer community. I have recently reread the equally fabulous How We Were Warriors - a must read for any Snarry fan! - and was hit by the same magical feeling of “wow, I’m so privileged to be able to dive deep into 🏳️‍🌈 history while falling in love with NYC”. And it happened organically, in a way that made me feel nostalgic for a place I’ve only been to once in my life. The power that Writ’s storytelling holds!

But as much as I’d love to, I’m not here to talk about LCS or HWWW, but to shine light on a few of my favorite hidden gems by this talented writer, who’s just as brilliant exploring a range of rare pairs dynamics, especially the intricacies of angsty romance between characters with a complicated past. Writ explores these nuances with so much care and sensitivity. Their writing offers a generous but realistic portrait of adult themes like coming out, loneliness, internalized homophobia and mental health. All fascinating yet difficult subjects to navigate. But every fic of theirs transpires heart and research, carefully crafted to guide us through a singular, poignant emotional ride full of catharsis, self-awareness and hope. I consider many of these essential to my fandom “coming of age” so to speak, as I became an adult reader who gravitates towards adult stories about adult characters put in adult situations. Writcraft offers unique perspectives by combining seriousness, grief and sorrow with a spark of youth, wonder and tenderness.

Without further ado, here are some short-ish treats for your weekly reading list. Drarry and rare pairs (especially Snarry and femslash), let’s rejoice! I’m sure you’ll find something for your tastes in here. Lastly, nobody asked but the banner inspo comes from a moodboard I did a while ago, featuring a butterfly. When I googled its meaning, here’s what came up: Butterflies are beautiful and have mystery, symbolism, and meaning and are a metaphor representing spiritual rebirth, transformation, change, hope, and life. The magnificent, yet short life of the butterfly closely mirrors the process of spiritual transformation and serves to remind us that life is short. Not sure how much of that is true but I found it very poetic and fitting!

Writ, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for the fandom throughout the years - for being such an inspiration for both authors and readers, for providing the BEST clubbing fics and being a rare pair enthusiast, and finally, for being a strong voice for queer representation and legacy of resistance and hope. Every time we talk I am in awe of how open and generous you are, always willing to share knowledge and experiences about these themes. I’m so happy to be getting to know you, and I hope you’ve had a lovely birthday last week! 💜

Drarry:

Dapper (2016, E, 4k) - delicious PWP with a perfect balance between smooth development, playful banter and hot hot hot smut! Love their voices here.

Draco starts wearing Muggle suits and Harry’s definitely losing his mind.

Dancing on His Own (2016, E, 6k) - I feel the urge to rec every single clubbing fic Writ has ever written, it’s such a strong trademark and I love their sexy, freeing and entrancing atmosphere. Get ready to fall in love with London nights as our boys inevitably falling together.

Under the decadent lights of London’s gay bars, Draco and Harry find one another again after years of searching.

Merlin’s Kitchen (2021, E, 12k) - another fantastic and engaging clubbing fic with Writ’s brand of sensual atmosphere, rich and adult and so incredibly compelling. I would stay in this universe forever learning more about this charming and fascinating Harry through Draco’s eyes. Kudos for that ending full of promise!

Merlin’s Kitchen is a shit nightclub but having sex with Harry Potter might improve things.

Dirty Little Secret (2013, E, 22k) - a wonderful and refreshing take on BDSM, it’s such a treat to watch Harry and Draco navigate and discover their kinky side, eager and clumsy and relying to much on the hate/love dynamics that we love. They sound so very young and deliciously flawed here, and I adore how this fic gives them room to grow and brings them back together at the end.

When someone threatens Harry’s life, Kingsley decides to send him to a safe house with only Draco Malfoy for company. As the two men are forced together, memories of the past resurface and secrets are discovered.

Collapse Amongst the Dying Stars (2013, M, 26k) - I’ve only read this fic once and it was enough to leave a lasting impression. There’s something to be said about an author who makes you read tropes you usually avoid (mind the tags!) but I was so deeply immersed and invested I didn’t even care. This devastating yet perfectly executed time travel journey will break your heart with this fascinating Draco development and this beautiful, loving Harry. It’s about the catharsis 😔🤌🏼

After the final battle nothing is quite as Harry expected. Death Eaters remain unaccounted for, Malfoy is in prison and there is something rotten in Azkaban. Banned from assisting the Aurors, Harry keeps himself busy with regular visits to Malfoy and works to bring light to the darkness of 12 Grimmauld Place. Cw: implied rape, character death, unhappy ending.

Rare pairs:

Stone Butch Blues (2018, T, 1k) - if you haven’t read the LCS instalment focused on Will/Minerva (which you absolutely should RIGHT NOW) maybe start here with this brilliant short. An incredible take on gender fluid Will and superb dialogue that left me hooked and so curious to learn more about these two. So much character within 1k, my god, what an impressive short!

Will reminisces with Minerva.

Where Thestrals Fly (2014, T, 3k) - beautiful Snarry short, I love the premise and the unique narrative style, it’s wonderful to see their backstory and attraction slowly unravel with the Thestrals ritual and the post-war scenario as background. Soft, sensual, contemplative. Yum!

Every Beltane, Severus and Harry undertake the ritual of moving Thestrals between the Bel fires. As they grow closer the light in their future steadily overpowers the darkness of their past.

Storm Chasers (2020, E, 4.5k) - I’m so fond of my first Ginny/Tonks fic - this is a lovely, poetic and thrilling get together with compelling characters and organic chemistry. I love the intimate writing, the sexual exploration, the A+ character development. Non-binary Tonks is a joy to read!

It starts, as these things often do, with hummus.

Tonight Let's Get Some (2019, E, 4.5k) - oof I’m so thirsty for this scorching Harry/Charlie, you can taste the sexual tension in your bones and their dynamics are quite organic and casual. Great characterization, sexy clubbing aesthetics + voyeurism/public sex as a special treat, my favorite! A must read for any Charlie slut like me 😌

Harry discovers private karaoke rooms are great for blow jobs, gets a crash course in Muggle music and hopes that One Direction songs are the way to Charlie Weasley’s cock heart.

True Colors (2017, E, 6k) - one of the sweetest Harry/Teddy I’ve ever read, this fic holds a special place in my heart. It is so moving and full of gentleness and hope. I love the tentative dynamics and how they slowly but surely come together after dancing around each other. The way Teddy yearns for Harry is so tender it hits right in the feels and leaves me swooning for their love.

Teddy spent the last year running away from his feelings for Harry. Now it’s time to come home.

No Comparison (2020, E, 7k) - imo the ultimate comfort Snarry, very different from the usual angsty take we see out there. This is both hilarious and sweet with a charming take on the characters, delightful flirting banter and a satisfying get together. I love the refreshing “omg they’re officemates” scenario, plus their chemistry is 👩‍🍳💋

Sharing an office with Severus is driving Harry mad. When he discovers Severus isn’t quite as straight as he first believed, Harry decides there’s only one way to resolve their constant bickering.

Holding Out for A Hero (2015, E, 7.5k) - one of my all-time favourite Harry/Teddy fic, this is a sinfully hot and romantic get together + first time, my favourite combo for this ship. So much tender domesticity and soft mutual pining, plus breathtaking smut and a beautiful, sweet Teddy melting both Harry’s resistance and our hearts. I’ve read this one more times than I can count, delicious!

Even as he says no, Harry’s hands push into Teddy’s hair. Even as he protests, his lips connect with Teddy’s. Before Teddy can offer any reassurance his heart’s thumping wildly in his chest and Harry Potter’s kissing him as if there’s no tomorrow.

The Way We Were (2021, E, 15k) - after LCS this was the fic that made my heart beat faster for Prongsfoot! A poignant “coming of age” story with friends to lovers, queer awakening and LGBT themes in the 70s, only Writ delivers this wistful mix of excitement and devastation. This is complex and nuanced with James and Sirius navigating the complicated feelings of their changing relationship, all with the impending war looming in the background.

At nineteen, James Potter is missing Hogwarts, nursing a broken heart and worrying about his ailing parents. James needs his friends more than ever, but Remus is behaving strangely, Peter is too busy with his new job and Sirius has a secret more terrifying than the whispers of a looming war.

[finiffy]

HAPPY MPREG MONDAY

Edison and King lived and walked amongst a world of anomalies. People who possessed unique abilities and experiences of events beyond human comprehension. These men walked amongst such peculiarities as part of everyday life, and even in the world of normalized oddities, such the event between Edison and King would truly stand above all else, as a remarkable anomaly.

They loved each other for years, living a quaint life in the halls of the Foundation, chests bound with a heartfelt love, a lush life where each man thrived in the arms of one another. Beyond their community, their bond was unbreakable.

He wasn't sure when it began, Though the odd sensation within Edison stirred, a presence unexplained by anything normal. He remained in bed, turned, pulled closer to King who had remained asleep. He couldn't shake this feeling, but could not find himself to bother King over such a strange, trivial feeling.

This would loop for weeks, the strange feeling, the change in Edison's body. He grew taut, his body demanding foreign necessities, his mood rapidly tanking and jumping and above all else that remaining, sick feeling continued.

He found himself visiting a doctor, seeking help for an explanation as the king-hearted woman examined Edison, before quickly reaching her unorthodox diagnosis. King holding onto Edison's hand as he gripped tighter.

"Congratulations! You're pregnant!"

Such an announcement shocked both men, of course, any couple would be if their chances of conceiving had been as low as theirs. But King's love for Edison was unwaivered, and the concept of fatherhood began to grow rich within him. He adjusted with no struggle.

Months would pass, the progression of Edison's gestation had been smooth, without many complications. This, combined with an outpour of support from surrounding staff members, creating an overwhelmingly wonderful experience. The couple now left to eagerly wait for their child.

It was the midst of the afternoon when Edison went into labor, and though the details must be kept short, King stayed by his side for the process.

It had been the aftermath, as both men paused, not hearing the cry of their child, instead turning to see as a doctor held a miniature bonsai tree.

Confusion swelled within the men; they knew the pregnancy had been anomalous... but this was beyond their own imagination. But they did not let this bother them. if anything... at this point anomalies were the norm.

They were careful, finding the perfect pot to plant the miniature tree, tending to it with care and love, just as they would any normal child. It was an offhanded mention between Edison to King, bringing up in passing how he loved how small the tree was... how he wished it to stay tiny.

It seemed aware of this.

It remained tiny, a small stature with a subtle awareness. Despite not speaking or moving, King could not help but feel a profoundly deep connection to his child. At first, he had not the attachment to the small tree, as Edison had. Maybe it was the fact that Edison had been the man that carried, but he could not deny that with each day, as he cared for the tree, loved for it... there was indeed a bond. The tree was silent and its presence in their lives created an increase in contentment, tranquility that possessed them. A profound happiness.

Years could pass and the bonsai remained tiny. nestled happily in its pot, the care continuing, sweet whispers of love and joy. King's heart warming to his child, just as Edison had. An unconventional family, but a family, nonetheless.

[gentle-positivity]

What makes a good friend, a healthy relationship? I struggle to tell the difference.

It's complicated. Every relationship is unique. Though, I think any relationship, platonic and otherwise, should be built on open communication, vulnerability, and trust.

And building that kind of foundation takes work. On both your part and theirs.

An unhealthy relationship is. difficult. to describe. There's a lot of reasons a relationship, platonic and otherwise, could be unhealthy.

General rule of thumb is: If they're making you feel like sh*t even after talking to them about it, then its unhealthy. I will gladly help drop kick them out of your life.

if anyone else has any input, feel free to chuck it in the notes (or my inbox)

[allstartrekgames]

Star Trek: Super-Skill Pinball

Original Release: 2022

Developer: Geoff Engelstein

Publisher: WizKids

Platform: Board Game

A roll-and-write pinball game with a Star Trek theme. Super-Skill Pinball is a series of similar games, and the Star Trek one brings its own twists.

Super-Skill Pinball is one of those games that sounds very complicated when trying to learn it, but is simple when you get the hand of it. Each turn, two dice a rolled and you pick one of them to “move” your pinball. You start at the top of the pinball machine and have to drop down to a lower level onto a space matching your chosen dice, which you then fill in.

Once you reach the flippers, you can then launch the ball to a space that matches the colour of the flipper, dropping down again in later turns. If there are no spaces below you that you can reach, you lose your ball. The game is played over three rounds (with one exception) and each board has unique features.

Starfleet Academy is the basic board, with one unique aspect being the “Kobayashi Maru” section which needs a roll of 7 on the dice to complete (there is a way to complete it using other parts of the board).

The Trouble With Tribbles is all about managing tribbles – you’ll keep track of your current tribbles on your backplate. You can manipulate how many tribbles you have and even transport them to other players.

Lower Decks plays differently to the others – there are no rounds. Instead, the entire board flips for every 10 points you gain. This one is a little bit broken in that you can create an infinite loop to make the game last for hours.

Borg Attack has you preparing for a Borg Invasion for two rounds, unlocking ships, torpedoes and modulations. In round three, you use what you have unlocked to fight a Borg cube, starting from the bottoms and working up to the number 6 at the top. The borg attacks your ships as the pinball bounces back and forth between your fleet and the borg.

This is a fun solo game, but I don’t think it works as well with others – due to how the game works, people will be finished and have to wait around for everyone else to finish theirs – which on some boards can be a while. Having to wait for everyone to decide what to do on their turn (everyone uses the same dice roll each turn) is also frustrating.

[medusasembrace12]

The quilt of life is a complicated, wondrous thing

Think of it like this:

You are the needle, sharp and dazzling

The moment a little speck of you

Develops in your mother’s womb

The Fates thread the yard, through the slim hole

Of your soul

Now the moment you open your eyes

The light bright and ever shining

The thread begins its journey

With you, the needle, as its guide

Memories represented with each stitch

Darkness woven deep within

The thread is taut at points

Then relaxed and swirled again

Sometimes you make little mistakes

You can fix with a flick

And others you go back again

And some just remain

Weighing down as knots in the pit of your heart

The thread comes with many colors 

Imagination, creativity

Tools you hold in the palm of your hand

To make your life a work of art

Quilts are unique

No right or wrong

In the end it's the process

This makes the result so special

And when the spool comes near its end

Seconds before the Fates cut it

With the gilded scissors of theirs

Your quilt you have spent so long making

Swaddles you in warmth and you relax into sleep

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Equipment Pointed Ankh

Photo: Jennifer Kelly

Equipment Pointed Ankh hammers out intricate rhythmic fever dreams that feel hand-made but actually arise from a complicated deck of digital and electric instruments. The sextet from Louisville, KY has been at it for over a decade and three full-lengths and recently played a mesmerizing set at the Thing in the Spring Festival in Keene, New Hampshire (see photo). Jennifer Kelly reviewed their latest, From Inside the House, earlier this year, noting that, “These tracks bounce and jitter like they want to dance, but then tip sideways into lush string synth lyricism, inscrutable spoken word, and, in one cases, the sound of soda sucked through a straw.” Here are some of the things that inspire them.

Jim Marlowe

Tara Clerkin Trio — Self Titled

Casually excellent clarinet, piano and drum grooves — some live stuff and some studio looping/chopping to great effect. What a great sound. An engaging combo whatever it is. Went nuts after hearing ’em and attempted to find everything else they’ve done. I chose this one but In Spring is another great, very different slice and Live at Bliss Archive is a tough wiggling of jazz tunes through CDJ beer goggles. Calmly unique and cool. One of my most jammed.

Pierre Barouh — Le Pollen

1981 heavy hitting YMO/Mariah and adjacent crews lift up real people chanson singer Pierre Barouh with freshly unboxed synths and a wide-ranging attitude towards song arrangement. The title track is a real highlight for me. Feels like it could have existed as a B-side off Scary Monsters if it was recorded at a restaurant with friends you don't get to see too often. I love it. Trying to think of another superstar group who worked with someone out of their immediate world to such great effect — The Eagles and Joe Walsh? Just kidding.

Ryan Davis

Vacuum Rebuilders — Anything Else Is A Compromise

Not technically a CD, so I'm already breaking the rules here, but I was in Victoria, BC earlier this week and walked into a record store with about 90 seconds to spare before leaving town. This was the first thing that caught my eye, and it was 2 dollars, so I purchased it with the loose change in my pocket and left. My life is better now from having gained this glorious spool of sicko-rock on Calgary’s prestigious Pee Blood label. From the simultaneously brilliant and seemingly microwaved minds that brought you bands like Hairnet, Singing Lawn Chair et al, Arielle McCuaig and Kayla MacNeill are, in this lone Ankhman’s opinion, responsible for some of the most refreshing and exciting rock music to have surfaced from the modern North American underground so far this decade. This specific material is perhaps more sonically aligned with the outsider punk of their Janitor Scum LP on Lumpy than the most recent experimental theater/art-pop/noise-folk shenanigans of their Puppet Wipes project (Looks Real, Siltbreeze), but it's all a part of the same strange and electrifying puzzle as far as my own dumb midwestern ears can conclude.

Gang Starr — Moment of Truth

I’ve listened to rap and hip-hop music throughout nearly every phase of my life since early grade school, but my focus and enthusiasm tend to fluctuate between subgenres therein. And no matter how long I go without listening to it (sometimes years), I always inevitably circle back to what I fell perhaps most in love with growing up, which was early-to-mid 1990s east coast street-wise boom bap shit. Gang Starr’s Moment of Truth, while considered to be of an arguably “post-classic” era by certain purists, is the record of theirs with which I always felt most connected. As of late, it's exactly what I want to hear. Released four years after its predecessor into the freshly treacherous waters of the shiny-suit/jiggy era, the beats, rhymes and ever coolheaded delivery on M.o.T. are as strong or stronger than they were in 1992. If they weren’t already solidified as one of the best emcee/deejay combos to ever do it, they were now. Come for the Inspectah Deck track (shout out Shorty’s “Fulfill the Dream” video from the same year), stay for the truly timeless Guru/Primo magic.

Shutaro Noguchi

José Antonio Méndez — Siempre Estrellas (BMG U.S. Latin)

I sigh every time I listen to this. One of the sexiest male vocals that ever existed on the earth on Si Me Comprendieras. But this CD might possibly be too much of sexy for homosocial ankh van, so I almost went for Perlas Cubanas of his or William Basinski and Janek Schaefer’s …on reflection.

Various Artists — Women of Africa (CSA Records)

Pretty simple but rhythmic melodies and harmonies and just incredible sound choices, phonological elements and beautiful vocals. I almost went for Julia Sarr or Shona’s Mbira CD on Nonsuch. But the first track just made me happy this time around.

Christopher Bush

Daisuke Tobari — Till The End of the Dream

This album is a masterpiece. An idiosyncratic blend of the psychedelic “songbook” (various pages) and the more ritualistic side of far Eastern classical music over seventeen tracks. An intuitive, imaginative and personal set of recordings. At one point, Mr. Tobari sings the words “Happy Birthday.” It is almost too much to get your head around.

Eyes and Arms of Smoke — In Three Houses

Lexington, KY band, active in the mid 2000s. Immaculate sequencing of two tracks, only really do-able in physical format on a CD. First track is a three-minute bongo fever dream with haunted vocals that showcases the song-based home studio sound that they developed on their sole full length, A Religion of Broken Bones. (See Dusted’s 3/9/2006 review). Second track is a twenty-five-minute free-improv mystery that showcases some of the modes unleashed in earlier live sets and tapes. Homespun, disorienting, and other. I cherish this band.

Dan Davis

The KLF — The White Room

This is my shit right now. I can’t really even explain why. It just scratches and itch. Like this is the music made by two dudes who like burned a million pounds or some shit? It’s awesome.

Avalanches — Since I Left You

I’ve been really interested in so called “Plunderphonics” and this record has an insane amount of vinyl samples on it. So, it’s just a fun listen when thinking about the work of making it. Dweeb shit that you can bop to.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 01/07/2023 (Stormzy/Fredo, Nicki Minaj/Ice Spice/Aqua)

Content warning: Brief mentions of apartheid, sex and Drake

For a fourth consecutive week, the dynamic duo of Dave and Central Cee hold onto #1 on the UK Singles Chart with “Sprinter” and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, that list includes “messy in heaven” by venbee and goddard. (just in time, more from venbee later), “Chemical” by Post Malone, “Green Green Grass” by George Ezra and “Whistle” by Jax Jones featuring Calum Scott, as well as “It’s Crazy” by J Hus, “Can’t Tame Her” by Zara Larsson, “Hell n Back” by Bakar and “Last Night” by Morgan Wallen. These are mostly long-running hits, all getting pushed out this week thanks to the impact of Glastonbury and some other gains that have the chart kind of in a hectic state this week despite the lack of many new entries.

That hectic state led to some of last week’s debuts dropping disproportionately hard, though something tells me the songs themselves are kind of at fault too, not really resonating as well as they could have, especially for songs such as “Attention” by Doja Cat or “Don’t Say Love” by Leigh-Anne both safely outside of the top 40. With that said, I don’t really cover losers but rather notable gains filling in the gaps, and we do see boosts for “UNAVAILABLE” by Davido featuring Musa Keys at #60, “Sittin’ on Top of the World” by Burna Boy at #39 partly thanks to a remix with 21 Savage that doesn’t really work, “umean” by Gunna at #22, “Popular” by The Weeknd, Playboi Carti and Madonna at #18, “0800 HEAVEN” by Nathan Dawe, Joel Corry and Ella Henderson at #13, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift at #12 and Peggy Gou grabbing her first top 10 hit with “(It Goes Like) Nanana” at #9, which is great. We also see a lot of returning entries in relation to Glastonbury performances, like “Do I Wanna Know?” by the Arctic Monkeys back at #70 (it peaked at #11 in 2013), “Sweet Child o’ Mine” by Guns n’ Roses at #40 with its 210th week on the chart (it peaked at #6 in 1988, my favourite of theirs is “Estranged”) and “Until I Found You” by Stephen Sanchez back at a new peak of #14 thanks to his performance with Sir Elton John, who also sees two of his top 10s return to the top 40: 2021’s #1 “Cold Heart” (PNAU Remix) with Dua Lipa at #30, and 1983’s #4 “I’m Still Standing” at #34. Lewis Capaldi’s set at Glastonbury was particularly notable when it was complicated by a Tourette’s episode, and with no pun intended, I wish him the best, and I’m sure his fans do too since “Wish You the Best” is up to #43 and we see returns for “Forget Me” at #63 and “Someone You Loved” at #49. Hopefully I haven’t missed anything.

The top five on this week’s UK Singles Chart is immune to all the nonsense below it, as it consists of “Dancing is Healing” by Rudimental, Vibe Chemistry and Charlotte Plank at #5, “Giving Me” by Jazzy at #4, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding at #3, “Who Told You” by J Hus featuring Drake at #2 and of course, “Sprinter” at #1. Now to get into our small but still kind of unusual batch of new entries.

NEW ARRIVALS

#73 - “die young” - venbee and Rudimental

Produced by Rudimental and Digital Farm Animals

venbee is back for the follow-up to “messy in heaven”… yay? I’ve not been impressed by anything they’ve put out yet, but maybe this collaboration with Rudimental will deliver? Given their recent output, I kind of doubt it but I can hope this is a more unique song from them. Yeah, it’s not. The religious imagery is back but it doesn’t nicely fit with the rest of the content so it feels a bit tacky, especially with the very typical acoustic guitar frolick that I figured venbee was at least slightly above, but this is very typical UK pop, and she just sounds like Anne-Marie here… without whatever remnant of personality she commands at her best. It’s drenched in reverb and everything as a result feels underweight, even the drum and bass drop which feels half-empty with venbee just repeating the refrain in the most deadpan way possible over a rote breakbeat loop. I like the constant presence of the warping bass, but it has no room being here - however under-emphasised - on such an airy, barely existent track. Drum and bass had a nice revival but if it’s going to end with the overly pop-infused dreck that killed it back in the mid-2010s, then I guess it’s time for this second revival to either stop dead in its tracks or come up with some desperate new ideas.

#65 - “Oh U Went” - Young Thug featuring Drake

Produced by FNZ, Metro Boomin and BoogzDaBeast

Young Thug’s new album BUSINESS IS BUSINESS released last Friday - probably in attempt to pay for those legal fees - and it charted only at #15 on the UK albums chart but will probably fare much better in the US. I’m a Thugger fan so you can call me easily pleased but I did think it was a great album, maintaining a pretty interesting balance between the slightly grimmer production and Thug’s typical posturing. In simple terms, it went hard and “Oh U Went”, even if it’s the obvious pop hit, definitely fits into that category. The filtered Stylistics sample is cute, especially with the little chipmunk vocal blip, and the strings command the style and… class of the song pretty well. This definitely isn’t one of Thugger’s best performances on the record, as he essentially just… says nonsense, I can’t lie, none of this makes sense, and it’s probably not supposed to. Every line is punctuated with an “ayy” or “oh” to make it seem a lot more cohesive though, and his flow is as infectious as it usually is. Really, the star of the show here is Drake, who deviates from the flow of the rest of the song for what might be his most awake-sounding verse in years. I’m never into his brand of flexing, but the rhyme schemes are tight, the punchlines are typical corny Drake stuff that’s just vaguely clever enough to make it fit for an Instagram caption and well, he actually sounds energised on this, for the first time in what seems like forever. This is far from my favourite track on the album - I much prefer the darker menace on songs like “Money on the Dresser”, “Wit da Racks”, “Uncle M”, “Want Me Dead”, “Mad Dog” and “Jonesboro”, but even when it comes to the flashier pop-rap sparkle that Thugger can express on occasion, the (sadly) Dr. Luke-produced “Went Thru It” is much groovier and has one of Thug’s most enthusiastic performances on the album. I wouldn’t be surprised if a sleeper hit from the album ended up charting afterwards, but for now, “Oh U Went” is a fine selection.

#55 - “Makeba” - Jain

Produced by Yodelice

Okay, this is going to require a whole lot of context that I’m far from the best person to provide. Miriam Makeba is a legendary South African singer known for fighting for civil rights both at home against the apartheid regime as well as in the US, with both South Africa and America having governments hostile to her for her activism despite calling both places home. She did live to see the end of apartheid, dying in 2008, but is mostly remembered for her powerful breakthrough during that era. Though she had success on the Billboard Hot 100, she never crossed over properly to the UK. Fast forward to 2015, wherein French singer Jain, releases a tribute which charts in Belgium, Scotland and her home country, peaking at #7 in France. The song definitely emulates Afrobeat to an extent, with the squelching horns and bassline - which is incredible - as well as the belting voice lines that… made me realise I’d already heard this, specifically in adverts. The song is not necessarily a tribute to her activism but rather her music, with the song mostly focusing on Mama Africa’s ability to make the whole word dance, making really awkward connections to what she stood for - that first verse, calling Makeba the “real beauty of human rights” and saying that she wants to “feel oppressed”, sounds very misguided at best and exploitative at worst. It’s also pretty stiff for a song about dancing, or at least vaguely about dancing, since she also mentions how Makeba’s smile just made the “sufferation of a thousand more” go. Vanish. Disappear. Yeah, that’s how it works. The song ends with a really strange, bubbly outro with the hook repeating in reversed form and I really find myself scratching my head why this recent TikTok virality has translated into streams. It’s catchy, it’s got a great bassline, but as a full song, it runs out of ideas quickly, and it just feels kind of icky and weirdly insubstantial. This isn’t an album cut either, it was released as a single, so the fault can’t really be placed on the audience for that. I understand the appeal - vaguely - but I’m really not a fan.

#25 - “Barbie World” - Nicki Minaj, Ice Spice and Aqua

Produced by RIOTUSA

Now, I know this may sound strange but… I’m here for cynical commercial shills. If they’re as ridiculous as this one is, I’m kind of fine with them, and Nicki Minaj is definitely no stranger to outright ridiculous pop music, as well as the Barbie moniker, so it makes complete sense for her to take her protégé Ice Spice and make a stupid pop song for the Barbie movie. I love pop music, but I more importantly love pop culture, and “Barbie World” being an officially-licensed drill remix of “Barbie Girl” by Danish pop group Aqua, a song that Mattel initially hated and sued for due to copyright infringement back in 1997, which in itself was an obnoxiously camp parody of the reputation of the Barbie doll brand. For the record, I love the original song, though I prefer “My Oh My” in terms of that first Aqua album. This new single is just a comical late-stage capitalism output of music, and if I’m completely honest with you, “Barbie World” ends up feeling kind of dystopian. This sugar rush of a song is actually kind of well-constructed on paper: just take the hook from the original, which spent four weeks at #1 in the UK during November of 1997, and place a drill beat over it, with one verse each from Nicki and ice Spice, and a hook where they casually trade off bars… then given it’s Nicki, that goes out of the window. The sparkly sample is saturated and drowned out by overly mechanic drill 808s and percussion, and then  we get to the girls and… oh, gosh. The very mission statement - “I’m bad like the Barbie” - sounds kind of stupid anyway, and then we have Nicki’s surprisingly explicit sex bars over the intense Jersey club rhythm of her verse right after some really awkward flowing in the first half. Ice Spice actually shows up Nicki here pretty badly, as her unaffected staccato is much more fit for drill, and whilst I’d like her to sound a little bit more upbeat on a Goddamn “Barbie Girl” sample, her little awkward silences add some needed dynamics and the flow switch when the Jersey club rhythm kicks back in is really solid and focused, leading to a great pay-off in the final chorus. This song is a complete mess, and was probably intended to be for virality’s sake, but I can’t pretend I don’t get a lot of fascinated giggles from this. It’s Aqua’s first UK chart hit since 2000, and probably their last - I don’t even know why they’re credited - and what better way to return to the charts than for one final swing of chaos? I just love and hate that this exists, and Nicki’s Eurodance hellscapes are not going anywhere soon if “Endless Fashion” is anything to go by, so I guess that’s just the motif for this era. Jesus Christ.

#11 - “Toxic Trait” - Stormzy featuring Fredo

Produced by Dave

#11 seems kind of low for a collaboration between three of the biggest UK rappers out now, especially considering it fits in with trends considering the vintage strings being dominated by a guttural 808 and oddly flippery drill hi-hats. To be fair, I kind of get why people aren’t as quick to appreciate this as much as, say, “Sprinter” - Stormzy’s cold delivery is particularly deadpan here, and the chorus is an overly long mess of flows that never really catch on properly. He doesn’t have a second verse either, with Fredo handling the second and he’s honestly never fit that well on drill beats due to how tight it requires his flow to be, and he’s always been a bit looser in his delivery. I understand why Stormzy figures he’d need to do a little bit of back-pedalling after the mostly conscious R&B album he released last year, but he really doesn’t seem to have his heart in it. This is mediocre at best.

Conclusion

Again, kind of an unusual batch but the best and worst end up coming out pretty easily. Jain gets Worst of the Week for “Makeba” with the Dishonourable Mention ending up going to “die young” by venbee and Rudimental, whilst the Best of the Week - somehow - ends up in Nicki Minaj’s court for “Barbie World” with Ice Spice and Aqua, as Young Thug and Drake snab a quick Honourable Mention for “Oh U Went”. As for what’s on the horizon, Olivia Rodrigo and Lil Uzi Vert are coming so prepare for that, I suppose. For now, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

[bioethicists]

if it’s not too nosy to ask (pls ignore if so) how did you arrive at doing case management and how do you like it? i have similar values in terms of like interest in health and med anthro in an anti-psych/institutions way nd am trying to figure out in what capacities i can work in health related fields while honoring those values lol,,, thank u i love ur blog

haha so i kind of hate it rn + am leaving in may so take that was u will! i wouldn't necessarily say case management is an easy place to have these values but i am in a unique position where i'm not licensed so therefore am actually banned from (thus not instructed to) doing most of the heinous shit- i am never involved in the process of diagnosing, treating, or incarcerating a client. an msw or similar clinical degree would demand that i be more involved with that process

i live in MA which has a unique program called the BHCP program (through our Medicaid, MassHealth)+ my technical title is "care coordinator" but this is largely a smokescreen for (even more) underpaid case management. my primary job is to obtain + maintain services for my clients, such as SSI, specialists, housing, food stamps, etc. i also spend a lot of time doing stuff i'm not technically supposed to do- help clients read their mail, help with court cases, help dealing with child support etc. i am about 90% of the time able to help ppl in a way that i don't feel icky about.

the cost- i make 39k a year to case manage up to 65 clients who i have to contact at least once a month. many of them have issues far beyond my scope but i am the only person willing or able to work with them. social services in MA, arguably one of the best states for social services in the country, are an absolute shitshow- i spend about 33% of my job trying to force other ppl to do theirs. get me a client that speaks only spanish and the services become essentially unnavigable. masshealth randomly decides we need to improve quantitative performance measures that have 0 bearing on the actual quality of our clients' lives so we are routinely chastised for not meeting stupid paperwork requirements (what percentage of clients have their race and ethnicity recorded in their file? did you check the right boxes on their yearly assessment?) which seems to matter way more to the state (which, through its other departments, is causing most of the problems i'm being paid by them to solve???) than actually helping them. also, the emotional impact is rough + most of my coworkers cope by hardening themselves, othering our clients/getting angry with them, or giving up altogether.

it's just not feasible or HUMAN to expect someone to be able to go to someone's home, hear a story of their brutal assault by the same man you're helping them demand child support from, lock eyes with the child you know in your heart is never going to see a dollar of his dad's money because the child support case is almost definitely a dead end, then go home and do 6 more hours of paperwork. they tell us we're supposed to compartmentalize + shut off empathy in order to function at our job (real thing they tell us in training!) and like... fuck that. i'm not smothering my humanity in order to meet performance requirements- except the alternative is working yourself to the brink of suicide lmao.

that being said, i didn't always feel like this (first two years were easier) and i have some pretty intense personal circumstances complicating it (dead brother, raging eating disorder, etc). i do feel like i have been able to make real + tangible impacts in others' lives, learned how to navigate the system well enough to use that knowledge in more radical spaces, build human connections with people who have never had that with providers before. having a radical perspective on the system will save you from a lot of burnout because you won't be one of the naive ones who think that social services + "educating" your clients will fix all their problems. most of the problems i am describing above are going to be present in almost all health/social services fields. if the state funds it, this is what they will do to it.

i'm going back to school in september + my goal is to pursue full time ethnographic research while utilizing my skills at navigating social services to assist ppl on a person to person level. in terms of how i got here- graduated dec 18, worked in residential mental health for like 2 months before fully cementing that there was no ethical way to do so (and getting horrifyingly triggered by it) -> americorps position at a local hospital doing community outreach during the day + nursing home/private duty elder care at night -> current job

[wondereads]

Weekly Reading Update (07/22/24)

Reviews and thoughts under the cut

The Lost Story by Meg Shaffer (5/10)

This ARC was a bit of a disappointment. It's heavily dependent on comparisons to other stories, such as fairy tales and The Chronicles of Narnia, which makes it feel a bit too derivative for a published novel. Also this dependence causes the worldbuilding to be lacking, relying on the reader's prior knowledge rather than giving concrete reasons for things. I really liked two of the main characters, Jeremy and Rafe, who have a an interesting dynamic and complicated past. I would have much rathered this book focus solely on them and regaining Rafe's memories since the other main character, Emilie, feels completely unnecessary and most of the plot was so effortlessly dealt with it felt pointless.

Winter Turning by Tui T. Sutherland (9/10)

Another strong installment in this series, I really enjoyed reading from Winter's perspective. Winter is the first main character who shows intense loyalty to his tribe (both the first five and Moon were raised separate from theirs), and Sutherland deals with it well. His development as he comes to care for the other dragonets he travels with is well done, though I do wish he had chosen to go back to them rather than be sort of forced by the circumstances. Also I like the light romance in this arc, mainly because Winter is so horrendously down bad.

Escaping Peril by Tui T. Sutherland (7/10)

Overall, I think this book was great and a bit of a break from convention when it comes to this series. However, I docked its rating for one major reason. I like the decision to follow Peril instead of a Kinkajou book (because Kinkajou is already perfect and therefore wouldn't have much development), and this story wraps up a lot of loose ends from the first arc. However, I think they were trying to emphasize that differences should not be removed for someone to fit in, but I think in Peril's particular situation that doesn't apply. Peril's fire scales are extremely debilitating to her in everyday life; she can't read, she's constantly accidentally setting fires, and even slight contact with anyone else could kill them. So I think the decision to not use the scroll to allow Peril to have a necklace or bracelet that could remove her fire scales as she pleases was a bad one. I know there's a general sentiment to not remove disabilities magically in fantasy books, but regular people do not set others on fire when they touch them; it ultimately comes off as saying Peril should just suffer for the rest of her life.

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse (7/10)

I think my favorite thing about this book was the intermingling between religion and magic; a lot of fantasy tends to separate the two, even making them antagonistic toward one another, but magic in this world is intrinsically tied to the gods. It creates a plot that while rooted in typical high fantasy has some uniqueness to it. Three out of four of the POV characters were interesting and well-written, and I loved finally getting to read a pre-Columbus Latin American fantasy. Unfortunately, the writing was a bit clunky, and not nearly enough time was devoted to the worldbuilding. I wish there had been much more detail about the history of Meridian; many developments didn't hit as hard because I didn't know enough of the context to understand why it was such a big deal. Also, while I like Naranpa, she doesn't read like a practiced, experienced priest or leader; she's older than all the other POV characters, but the way she's written makes her seem young and naive, which doesn't match up with what we know about her. I did like this book overall, but it wasn't as good as I was hoping.

A Kiss of Salt and Sea by Bliss Devlin (6/10)

This book is a fantasy romance, and it just kind of does what it says on the tin. There's a lot of instalove here, but I did enjoy the romantic relationships despite that. The plot is lacking; I thought maybe it would go a bit farther, but not a lot happens, especially in the latter half. Fantasy romance authors love to make their protagonists miserable before the plot begins, and this book is no exception. However, it did create a much more realistic environment with Jacinthe being in a highly abusive family situation that she does her best to tolerate and then later escape. I also liked the unusual choice to make her a servant at this magical academy, rather than a student. So this book was bit boring, but it wasn't terrible by any means and is definitely a decent wish-fulfillment romance.

The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo (19%)

So far, Luzia is a fun protagonist. She's a bit pathetic, and I think we need more loser female main characters. Let them be a little desperate, stray from being a girlboss every once in a while. As a historical fantasy, I like how rooted the story is in this period. It's not just a backdrop for the plot; the political, social, and religious tensions of the time play important parts in the story.

Talons of Power by Tui T. Sutherland (6%)

I've just barely started this one, but already such an interesting dynamic has been introduced. The antagonist (?) is now incapable of noticing the main character of this book, Turtle, which could be so cool to read about. Also, I feel so bad for him after getting a portion of his backstory.

[warpedlegacy]

For the Inquisitor ask: 3, 4, 8, 15, and 20 for Theresa? 💚

3. Where was your Inquisitor born? Where did they grow up?

Theresa was born and raised in Ostwick. First at the Trevelyan estate with her family, and then at the Circle from age 12 until the mage rebellion rose up.

4. What are your Inquisitor's parents names? Do they have siblings? What are their names?

Bann Dexter and Lady Esme Trevelyan are her mother and father. She has three older siblings. In order from oldest to youngest, they are Maxwell, Evelyn, and Declan.

8. Which advisor does your Inquisitor like best? Which do they trust the most?

She doesn't really play favorites with her advisors, recognizing that each of them have their unique experiences and perspectives, and does her best to apply the most appropriate to each situation. Though she does tend toward espionage and diplomacy more than brute force (sorry Cullen lol). Ironically, it is Cullen she trusts most, despite rarely employing his solutions in most cases. If only because she knows he's the one who will never mince words when he disagrees.

15. Which companion is your Inquisitor closest to? Why?

The Iron Bull. They have always had a mutual understanding of each other that seems to transcend words. Theirs is a very queerplatonic bond, and Theresa deeply values his perspective and when the complicated messiness of leadership starts to really weigh on her, he is usually the one she leans on. He sees straight through every one of her masks, and she calls him out for his self-deception when he needs it.

20. What's your Inquisitor's preferred weapon? How and when did they learn how to use it?

The Blade of Tidarion - or more specifically, a uniquely spec'd and upgraded masterwork based on its original design. As a Knight Enchanter, Theresa thrives on being in the thickest of the fighting, and the Blade of Tidarion lets her cut a wide swathe through her enemies. It is also extremely badass.