#its exciting to have a safety net now financially. even if it is only for a year allegedly....

[seraphim-soulmate]

23 > one year closer to 25, I can almost taste it > which in itself is close to 30, where I have expectations for myself

[overandundertarot]

PAC; How can you heal your financial trauma?

Pick a pile (1-5)

*Sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors.

PILE ONE

Cards; 9 of wands reversed, The Devil. Pile one you are worn out. You're tired and exhausted and have been working on something for a while but it's draining you. The situation was not even clear, you were just keeping at it because you didn't know what else to do. "I've always done it this way so I should continue, people have always done it this way so it should work for me too." You've been turned this way and that way and you're mentally exhausted too. This is your trauma. The society you grew up in and the people in your family. There's the energy of always having to work hard to earn money. Struggling for money. You can't allow yourself to rest, and when you break down from the pressure and burden of it all you berate yourself for that too. Advice for you is to give into temptation, allow yourself to be seduced by your inner desires; get to know them, get to understand them and get to know what it feels like to loose yourself to the sensations and not think about anything else at all. If it feels not only exciting and new, but dangerous and downright scary because it's something you've never done before, It's the right thing to break you out of this shell. You need to get to know yourself and who you are instead of the worker bee you've been made to live as. Also something sexual related is coming through, work on your dark feminine, seductive energy. If you are interested in human design you may be a generator or manifesting generator. Inner change and alchemisation. Find out what you like by trial and error; obviously don't do anything too rash/dangerous that you would never be able to recover from. This trauma may also be affecting your relationships(you may have relationship issues) There's such a strong and intense energy(I feel like I cant even breathe) in this pile, I think if you find a away to channel your energy into whatever it is you really want to do, you could be unstopable. Symbolism : Webs; spiderwebs, preying mantis, carnivourous plants, birds, aries, mars, pentagram, occultism, galaxy.

PILE TWO

Cards; The Devil, Knight of Swords. Pile two you often get lost in your head. You find yourself indulging in fantasies and creating this safety net of illusion and comfort meanwhile you're not taking any action. I feel like you may accumulate and hoard business ideas that you see on tiktok/youtube/social media or tell yourself that you can do this and that but never take any tangible action. Gambling addictions and small expenditures that add up, you're not being honest with yourself about your financial situation and money is controlling you so much more that you would think. That's your truama, that money is such a big influence in your world and you don't even know it. You're being hypnotised and controlled by money, its sneakily around the corner influencing your decisions and you don't even know it. Worst of all is that its causing you so much anxiety and you've learnt to just live with it. I'm sorry if I'm being too harsh, but the words have to come out. It's not completely your fault, it only becomes your fault if you're aware of the pattern and choose to ignore it. I'm not getting too much about the source of this trauma but it seems it doesn't even have one exact source. It's more a product of living in the world we are in right now, maybe social media. Do some research about consumerism. Minimalism might also be beneficial for you. Try to discern if you trully want something or you've just been influenced. The way to heal this trauma is to cut through the haze with clarity. It's time to make plans, write down your goals and cut through the illusions to the core of yourself and what really matters to you. It's a time to be logical .There are actions that you have to take that you've been putting off. There's a deep fear inside you of not living up to your dreams/expectations. Take it slowly and start wih small steps. It's like wading through murky muddy water and then suddenly breaking through the water into crisp and cool air. Try to do a cleanse of the uneccessary things that you have let accumulate in your mind or even just clean your home. If you have a goal that feels too big and scary break it down into small steps. You can do so much more than you think you can, and make a bigger impact in your own life than you would ever believe. But you have to start somehwere. Symbolism; clear waters, rivers, lakes, sunflowers, light blue.

PILE THREE

Cards; 10 of cups reversed, 6 of wands. Pile three you have a dream. Something that you've always secretely desired but it just never felt like you could get it. It could be a happy family of your own, innocence in life etc. It feels like you've been the mature one from a young age, someone who had to grow up too fast. You may be an orphan/ lost a parent at a young age or you could have simply had a desire for a family from a young age. A desire for strong emotional connections with people. Your trauma with money is not so much connected with money but other people/ the world in general. You understand that money is a tool that can be used to put you in the right situations to get what you want. You view money as a safety net and may get panicky/ stressed/ emotional when you think you are running out out of it. You may be a man and believe that you cannot find love if you are not financially stable.(specific message). To heal this you have to believe that you can get what you desire even without money. You are someone who is charismatic, energetic, level headed and you have leadership qualities overall. You have to be optimistic in your outlook. You need to shift your perspective to heal your financial trauma. You have to believe that no matter what your financial status, you are deserving of love and affection. Of true connection and whatever it is you may desire. You could have imposter syndrome and over criticise yourself. You need to look in the mirror and have appreciation for who you are , what you have, and what you've made of yourself till now. Symbolism; moustaches(?) , fast paced cities, mountains, cancer(the sign), scorpio, capricorn, clover.

PILE FOUR

Cards; 6 of wands, The Fool reversed. Pile four you may be too arrogant when it comes to money. You may love to overspend and show off to your friends because this pumps up your ego. You feel you deserve nice things and may actually have the background to support your spending habits but this attitude won't help you forever and this is kind of your trauma. How other people perceive you based on your money. You are scared of being taken advantage of based on your money or people misunderstanding you and assuming things about you. You're always aware, always on the lookout. Despite being emotionally secure, other people's opinions and actions still impact your emotions greatly. To be honest, you need to be careful and start managing your finances and planning for your future. It may not always be so assured and abundant for you. To heal this trauma you need to put measures in place. Cultivate a feeling of safety as well as educate yourself in terms of financial matters so you are prepared incase of any windfall. You should also get to know yourself so that you may regulate and curb on your reckless spending habits and also avoid situations that money may not be able to get you out of. You may also be craving true and sincere friendship, and this will come to you as you work on yourself more and go down a path of self development. It may be beneficial to you to get a mentor/someone you can learn from. Symbolism; Gold, glasses, braces, spiders, knifes, eyes, peacocks, green.

PILE FIVE

Cards; Death reversed, 7 of Cups. Pile five you have a tendency to hoard money. Money has become a self fulfilling need for you and it's difficult for you to spend money or exchange it because it only registers as a depletion. As a loss. This is how your trauma shows up for you. It may go so far as you not even spending money on yourself because you feel it's unecessary. For example on something like a parfume or deodorant, or a type of food. Only eating the cheapest foods, wearing your clothes until they're falling apart because you just can't bear the thought of spending money on new ones. What you dont realise is that you are putting money above yourself. Money is more important than you so you would rather deny yourself for the sake of money. To preserve and uphold it. This is an issue with self worth and can permeate more areas of your life than you may think. Are you the type to brush away your problems? "It's not that bad so I can live with it." What you dont realise is that you are making life harder for you, accumulating stress and hardships that are completely unecessary. To heal this trauma you have to acknowledge that you have needs. Your quality of life can improve so much by making small changes; buying clothes that make you feel confident, eating food that delights your senses, using products that make you feel beautiful, fixing something around your house that could make your life so much easier. You dont always have to do things that hard way or deny yourself pleasure just to save some money. Allow yourself to have wants, to express your needs and use money as a tool to enrich your life. Symbolism; Glass bottles, slippers, sunsets, fish.

That's it! Thanks for participating in this pick a card reading. If anything resonated, please dont hesitate to give feedabck it's always so lovely to hear and motivates me quite a lot to continue posting. :)

*The pictures are not mine, I found them on pinterest.

[innermort]

*** disclaimer: this is a very long diary type of entry that is probably quite boring for everyone else and may be ignored. it's merely a very lenghty epiphany I just had about my life and myself and I had to type it out for me, to lock in the thoughts, if you will. it was pretty therapeutic tho. 🙃 ***

10/Sept/2021

I just had the realization that I'm in the process of redefining every aspect of my self and my life.

I quit smoking cigarettes from one day to another exactly 2 months ago tomorrow and went from a heavy to a casual party smoker.

I rarely ever smoke weed anymore (plus when I did since quitting tabacco, I rolled with herbs) and now made the conscious decision to take another long break, so it doesn't interfere with my weight loss again. I get the worst munchies and have no self control when I'm stoned. I'm talking "5000+ cals in one sitting" type of binges. I'm not tolerating this kind of self sabotage anymore.

I re-discovered edblr. Yes. I know. Not the healthiest habit to get back into but it's the only thing that has actually helped me gain the motivation and willpower to put a stop to my raging sugar addiction and instead, an actual effort into losing weight again. Besides, I'm doing it in a much more careful and "responsible" way now (high restricting, taking supplements, no strict/exact calorie limit, very light to no exercise (okay, to be fair the reason for that is mainly my injured knee but still), letting myself eat/drink more than planned if I feel my body needs it). And let's not forget that I've literally been binging every day for the past 2 or 3 months. My diet nearly exclusively consisted of chocolate, pastries and pizza. Literally. I've gained 10 kgs (22lbs) during that time. That lifestyle was just as unhealthy, if not unhealthier.

I finally got to hang up and use my calender. Due to my ADHD (self diagnosed for now), I'm very forgetful and unorganized - at least in my private life. That's why I made the decision to get a big calender which I can use as a semi To Do/Buy list and appointment/meeting/bill reminder. Since I'm glueing a sticker to each day I got through without binging, I'm looking at it pretty much every day anyways. Plus, it's a motivater to not binge (reward that inner child)! Overall, it's helping me become more organized and put together which are two areas I've been lacking in in the past years. So far, I've been mostly using my phone notes but I usually write something down and immediately forget about it if it's not a grocery list or a To Do list I'm actively working through on that same day.

I have my first appointment at a psych ward since I was a teen. It's just a phone call and first get to know conversation but it's better than nothing and more than overdue. I'm finally taking the first steps towards getting diagnosed and being eligible for therapy. I'm sick of feeling like a victim of my own brain, I just want to be better. I deserve to be better.

I'm hungry for knowledge again. I deleted Tiktok from my phone because of how big of a distraction it was and because I realized that even though I'm being bombarded with new information everyday, I'm not learning anything. Our brains can't even comprehend the amount of information given in that short time span. Nothing sticks. Sure, you find out about some pretty cool stuff on TT depending on what kinda fyp you have but for me personally, it was just hours and hours of mindless scrolling in the end. It's crazy how addictive it is, too. Even despite the fact that I was already at a point where it didn't even give me that quick dopamine quick anymore. It felt boring and repetitive and I was merely doing it out of habit.

So, I got rid off the app. I started watching documentaries again. Mostly about gut health and mental illnesses like ADHD, Autism, BPD, Narcissm etc. Like TED talks or interviews/discussions by and with professionals/experts/diagnosed people. I'm back to not just craving but actually consuming something with substance, something that gives me more knowledge and insight on a topic. Something I actually want to know more about.

I realized and accepted that even though I am a creative mind, a fully creative job might just not be for me. I'm learning that maybe I'm the type of person who does something entirely different in their free time than what they do at work. And that that's very much okay. I noticed that at my job (this was the case for every job I ever had), my mind seems to work differently. When people expect me to do something, I have the needed pressure and motivation to get it done. I could also observe in myself that at work, I enjoy organizing/sorting stuff, I'm a fast and independent learner while I'm also excellent at training new employees, I'm much more detail oriented than in my private life - overall, it came to my attention that I might not actually be the ever chaotic forgetful mess who can't form a logic thought - or I can at least recognize that this is merely a part of me and not what defines and limits me as a person. I realized I actually like straightforward work, I like working alone and I like working precisely. When I was younger I would have never used any of these traits to describe my dream career. I would gag at the idea of working an office job and now I feel like this would actually suit me very well. Especially the working alone part would mean feeling less drained at the end of a work day and still having the energy to hang out with people I actually want to see. This is an extremely valuable lesson about myself that I finally seem to have learned.

After this big sub- and now concious evaluation about myself I'm also finally taking actual steps towards a possible career. I bought a course and worked through the first 2 lectures today, taking notes and writing everything down neatly for 3 - 3 1/2 hours (in total with breaks in between). I even got a notebook specifically for this new life project. I'm excited to learn. I feel scared, too. This is something I've never done before but I'm telling myself that trying won't hurt. I have my main job as a safety net, financially nothing can happen to me. I can only learn, even if I fail. And time will pass anyways, whether I get my ass up and put in the work or continue to be unhappy with what I'm doing without trying to change anything.

Speaking of finances, I also started taking those more seriously now. I stopped using my credit card (I was in negative numbers constantly, big numbers like -300 to -800€ due to constant overspending). I set up standing orders for my monthly fixed costs to make sure bills are always paid on time. Due to my forgetfulness and ADHD freeze I would often forget to pay or postpone paying bills until the reminder came in the mail and led to me having to pay on top or generating debt. I still have a little bit of debt to pay off but it's thankfully not a dramatic amount. I also have a second bank account for savings now where I transfer 200€ to every month. Even the simple act of calculating my fixed costs to see how much I can use for what was something that was desperately overdue. What I still have to do is sort out my receipts and write everything down in a housekeeping/budget book. And my first ever tax return. I am very much dreading both of these. 😃

Anyways. Wow. I really needed to type this out. I have the very harmful tendency to look at all the negative stuff and only focus on what I don't have and don't do. I really needed to take a long, deep look at all the things I've been changing around in the past couple months. A lot of it really passed me by until now. It's crazy but I really feel like a complete failure when my body isn't looking its best and it makes me blind for everything else. So, thank you to myself for reminding me that I am actually making a lot of progress, even if it has been in areas other than my fitness and looks. They're just as important (from a healthy brains point significantly more important, obviously) and deserve to be noticed and celebrated.

Conclusion: ❤️✨YAY, ME✨❤️

[noaasanctuaries]

NOAA launches Mission: Iconic Reefs to save Florida Keys coral reefs

The coral reefs at the foot of Florida are legendary, making up a barrier reef that spans more than 255 continuous miles. The reefs are home to lobster, sea turtles, fish, and more, and they have protected the coastline from storm surge for thousands of years. But these coral reefs, like coral reefs across the globe, are in serious trouble.

In recent decades, the coral reefs within Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary have been damaged by hurricanes, bleaching, disease, and heavy human use. The sanctuary and its partners are working diligently to protect the reefs, but our efforts have not been able to keep up with the decline. Now, NOAA and our partners are launching Restoring Seven Iconic Reefs: A Mission to Recover the Coral Reefs of the Florida Keys, one of the largest investments in reef restoration anywhere in the world. By restoring corals at seven iconic reef sites in Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary, we can change the trajectory of an entire ecosystem and help save one of the world’s most unique areas for future generations.

Why restore?

More than 6,000 species of plants and animals call the Keys home, and many are found on the coral reefs. Recreationally and commercially important fish species shelter and feed on the reefs, as do spiny lobster, sea turtles, and more.

In addition to supporting diverse animal and plant life, the coral reefs of the Keys are important for the survival of human communities throughout this island chain. Structurally, the corals create a barrier between the islands and the open ocean, dissipating wave energy and diminishing the impacts of storms and high tides. And they also form the basis of the Florida Keys economy: 5 million people visit each year – most of whom participate in ocean recreation and enjoy the reefs – contributing $2.4 billion in sales annually. Here, more than one out of every two jobs is connected to the marine ecosystem

But in the last 40 years, healthy coral cover in the Florida Keys reefs has declined more than 90 percent. This decline can’t be blamed on a single cause, but rather a web of interconnected problems. Misplaced boat anchors and ship groundings crush healthy reefs. Pollution makes it difficult for corals to survive, while overfishing damages the fish populations that are necessary to maintain reef health. Storms like 2017’s Hurricane Irma can rip corals from their foundations and smother those that remain with sediment. In recent years, afflictions like stony coral tissue loss disease have killed off huge percentages of once-healthy coral. And if all this wasn’t enough, the coral reefs of the Florida Keys also must contend with climate change: elevated ocean temperatures cause bleaching in corals, which can compromise their health or even kill them.

Seven iconic reefs

“Losing the reef is not an option, but that’s what could happen without action,” says Tom Moore, leader of NOAA’s Coral Reef Restoration Team. This April, NOAA gathered a group of more than 25 researchers, restoration practitioners, and members of state and federal agencies. Together, these experts created a first-of-its-kind restoration strategy that will focus on seven distinct coral reefs within the Keys.

The sites – Carysfort Reef, Horseshoe Reef, Cheeca Rocks, Sombrero Reef, Newfound Harbor, Looe Key Reef, and Eastern Dry Rocks – span the full geographic range of the region, a variety of habitats, and a diversity of human uses. Most crucially, these sites all either have a history of restoration success, or have characteristics that suggest restoration is likely to succeed.

Access regulations to these areas will not change, and the public will still be able to visit these reefs. However, during active restoration, we may temporarily reduce access to allow for the work to be completed efficiently and safely.

This NOAA-led effort is supported by partners at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, Florida Department of Environmental Protection, Coral Restoration Foundation, Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium, Florida Aquarium, The Nature Conservancy, Reef Renewal, and the National Marine Sanctuary Foundation.

How the restoration works

Corals grow slowly, and this coral restoration project will take time. Mission: Iconic Reefs uses several phases to ensure that multiple coral species and other important reef species can be restored over time.

First, we will remove nuisance and invasive species like algae and Palythoa, an invertebrate that grows in thick mats. These species compete with corals for space on the reef and prevent coral larvae from settling and growing. Removing them will let the growing corals avoid expending energy competing for reef space.

Then, Phase 1 of the plan begins. Over the first seven to 10 years of this effort, we and our partners will outplant a variety of coral species. Elkhorn corals will be outplanted first: these corals grow relatively quickly and are not susceptible to stony coral tissue loss disease. As soon as they are planted, the elkhorn corals will create habitat for other animals, and within three to five years, they will reach reproductive maturity and be able to help grow the reef.

As the elkhorn corals take hold, other species will be outplanted, including star, brain, pillar, and staghorn corals. We intend to supplement the reefs with sea urchins and Caribbean king crab, which eat algae that can overgrow coral reefs. Over this first phase, we aim to increase the coral cover across these seven sites from two percent (the current assessed coral cover based on 2019 observations of Iconic Reef sites) to 15 percent depending on the particular habitat zone. Coral cover is a measure of the proportion of reef surface covered by live stony coral, the primary contributors to coral reef ecosystem health. A healthy coral reef may have between 25 and 40 percent coral cover, with stony corals mixed in with sponges, soft corals, algae, and other organisms.

Phase 2 of the plan builds on this restoration. Over approximately 12 years, restoration volunteers and staff will continue to outplant elkhorn, star, brain, pillar, and staghorn corals. They will also outplant other small stony corals like finger and brain coral, helping to add diversity, function, and resiliency to the reef. By the end of this phase, we aim to increase coral cover to an average of 25 percent.

Throughout the entire restoration effort, a workforce of professional and volunteer divers will serve as “gardeners” on these reefs. They will remove marine debris, nuisance species, and species that might compete for space, and also reattach any corals that have been damaged or disconnected.

“Ten years ago, this project would be just a wild dream,” says Ken Nedimyer, Reef Renewal founder. But now, “we’re at a place in time where we have the technology to undertake a project of this size and we have a window of opportunity to do so. Not only can we think about doing it, but the need to do it is overwhelming.”

Coral nurseries

Mission: Iconic Reefs, unparalleled in scope and scale, will require nearly 500,000 stony coral colonies. That number of corals is a huge lift, but by working together, multiple partners are up to the task.

Some partners, including Reef Renewal, Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium, and Coral Restoration Foundation, will raise the quick-growing, Phase 1 corals in nurseries in the ocean. Mote and The Florida Aquarium will augment these farms with corals grown in laboratories: these will be slower-growing corals, corals screened for resilience, and corals bred to increase genetic diversity.

“We have been working on scaling up our restoration efforts,” says Scott Winters, CEO of Coral Restoration Foundation. “But if we want to save the Florida Reef Tract, we can be more effective if we work together. We have an opportunity to combine our expertise to have a hugely significant impact on the future of our coral reefs.”

“We are excited that Mote’s science-based coral restoration initiative will be a major component in the plan,” echoes Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium President and CEO Dr. Michael P. Crosby. “This is an unprecedented effort to respond to an unprecedented environmental emergency. Together with our partners, I am convinced we will be able to save Florida’s coral reefs.”

The Nature Conservancy, SECORE, University of Florida, University of Miami, and Nova Southeastern University will also lend scientific expertise. NOAA’s Restoration Center and the NOAA Coral Reef Conservation Program have awarded $5.3 million in grants for restoration over the next three years. Subsequently, the plan will be funded through many public and private funding streams, coordinated by the new Florida Keys Restoration Council.

Corals for the community

“The reefs are home to this community. They are part of our way of life,” says Sarah Fangman, Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary superintendent. “We want to give people the chance to be part of healing the Keys, and we need the community’s support to make this vision a reality.”

Volunteers can assist with invasive species removal and long-term nursery and reef maintenance. Blue Star operators will be key to the continued recovery of the Florida Keys reef tract, as they are committed to responsible tourism, diving, and fishing. Mission: Iconic Reefs will also foster a new economic sector for the Florida Keys region centered around this innovative effort.

“We hope the Mission: Iconic Reefs effort can be beneficial not just in the Florida Keys,” adds Fangman, “but also in other reefs around the world. We hope we can give back and pay it forward.” Coral reefs all over the world are stressed by human use, climate change, and other global stressors. Mission: Iconic Reefs serves as a model for all these coral communities. By working together and supporting these iconic reefs, we can all create a lasting legacy and a physical and financial safety net for the Florida Keys, and help support coral restoration efforts worldwide.

[Image descriptions, from top: GIF of fish swimming above coral reef; GIF of diseased coral; GIF of coral being grown in an on-land nursery; GIF of coral being grown in an in-ocean nursery; GIF of person outplanting coral; photo of coral reef; map of seven iconic reef sites targeted by this program.]

[werevulvi]

Would you like to explain the nordic model of prostitution? Like what is it, why you dislike it and how it compares to the australian?

Uh, this is a big question, and it was a while ago I read up on those two models. So I had to sit with it for a moment before conjuring up a reply. I don’t know exactly what kinda info you wanted here, so I’ll just overwhelm you with everything I’ve got! Which... isn’t all that much, all things considered. I really don’t have any sorta energy to start digging for sources of it now or anytime soon, but I can ramble on a bit about my past findings and the conclusions that they led me to:

First off, what those models of prostitution are: are essentially sex industry laws that regulate buying and selling of any kinds of sexual services. They're what decide whether it's legal or not to sell/buy and to what extent you can legally do what, in regards to brothels, porn, being your own boss, etc. America has a completely different system of such laws, detached from both the Nordic and the Australian, which is probably one of the most dangerous such systems of laws, for the prostitutes. Although I'm not like SUPER familiar with its exact laws and regulations, I pretty sure it's illegal to sell sex there, which makes it very risky for those who do. In the Nordic model it's legal to sell (but with quite some caveats which I will shortly get into) but illegal to buy. In the Australian model it's legal to sell AND buy, but with safety restrictions regulating the how and to what extent.

Secondly, some highly relevant background info about me: Some years ago, I was actually interested in becoming a sex worker myself, because well, my trauma sought a new, exciting thrill... However, I wanted to do it as legally and safely as I could possibly manage. I also wanted to sell physical sex acts, not just sell foot pics on the internet. So basically I did a ton of research on how to be legal full service prostitute in my country, and to my sheer frustration, found that the Nordic model has so many flaws and contradictions in it that there's no way I could possibly sell sex without running into some serious trouble.

Although PLEASE keep in mind that I'm no longer interested in making prostitution my career!

But also to prove my point (before having even made it yet): even IF I'd still consider becoming a sex worker, I would feel safer doing that in the Netherlands, or possibly even in (certain parts of) America, and most definitely in Australia, than I would in Sweden. Of course it's good if the shitty Nordic model prevents me from starting up such a business, but if that's the only focus here, then you're completely missing a very important, in fact crucial, point: The reason it prevents me from doing so is not because it makes sex work seem more unappealing than it already is, but because the laws around it are unnecessarily FUCKED. That is the literal law putting me in danger, possibly even more so than the john's would, which is a huge failure on part of the government. The government's job should be to protect, not kick and step on people who are already fucking lying down, for daring to lie down to begin with, which the vast majorty of whom did not choose to.

Now, let's get into the issues with the Nordic model that I stumbled into during my research:

1. Although it's technically legal to sell sex, it's illegal to do it at your own home, the client's home, hotels, outdoors, literally any imaginable physical location. Which means prostitutes run a risk of facing eviction and getting arrested for the location (which is every location) they perform their services.

2. You have to pay taxes for the money you earn, like any other "job." However, the catch here is that the only way you can to do this is if you apply for starting your own business as a sex worker, which you're not technically allowed to do (???) by applying for something called an "F kassa" which is basically a form of private company financial set up (very Sweden specific, bureaucratic bullshit) which is the "lowest" and most difficult form of it to work with. Basically by that system, you have to manually calculate your taxes by yourself every month, which has a VERY high risk of fucking it up accidentally, which gets you at a very high liability for accidental fraud. It's also an extremely mentally taxing (sorry for the bad pun) way to pay taxes, unless you're a mathematician. Due to this, most Swedish sex workers do not pay their taxes, which you can probably imagine how living under that kinda stress could do to a person.

3. Because buying sex is still illegal under the Nordic model, prostitutes still have to stay quiet if something bad happens with a client, because giving up clients to the cops hurts their business, as well as increasing the risk of the cops finding more of their clients to bust, and fewer john's wanna go to a prostitute who is not trustworthy.

4. Trafficking is still happening a lot, even in Sweden. But problem is that because any and all such activity is strictly illegal, including brothels and the like, they hide underground and are not found out about until after having done severe damage for many decades... if at all. Pimps etc in Sweden are extremely skilled at keeping their business secret because duh obviously?! Hidden trafficking gets discovered all the time, but they get better at hiding, thus harder to discover.

5. There were a ton more issues I stumbled into, but these were the most concerning ones that really leaped out at me. Other issues includes: not being able to get safety stuff like condoms covered financially unless you go through hell and high water to record for every little rubber you buy and use and what exactly it costed, etc, but even then it's still pretty much impossible in practice. Not allowed to keep your income on a bank account because of the legal issues of where those money come from. The extremely high risk of keeping contact with clients without getting caught, whether you use a phone, e-mail, snailmail, etc.

Conclusions: In my opinion, the Nordic model only makes shit a hell of a lot worse, in an attempt to protect sex workers. But the result is that it only forces people to go underground and hide from the law to protect their business, which goes for both trafficking as well as individual prostitutes with their own businesses. It tries, but fails hard.

Basically, the law says you have to abide by things that are not actually possible to abide by in actual practice. I wrecked my head for months trying to figure out how to be a law-abiding prostitute, but to no avail. It made me not just frustrated for myself, but also worried about sex workers in my country, whether they're trafficked or otherwise forced, or choosing to do it on their own volition. The Nordic model makes sex work dangerous, not only because of the clients possible (or likely) abuse the sex workers might face, but because of the law itself. And that's where I personally think the law has gone very, very wrong. It should protect sex workers, not punish them further and putting them in even more danger.

(Also, although my knowledge of the Nordic model is very Sweden specific, I got the impression that it's flaws are quite similar in other Nordic countries, aside from a few details here and there.)

The Australian model, I have far less knowledge about. I basically just watched a few youtube videos about it and skimmed through maybe half an article, buuuut... what little I heard of it seems to do a far better job at both protecting individual sex workers who work for themselves, AND reducing trafficking, which really spoke to me. Yes, the Australian model allows far more, but that is not at all necessarily bad or dangerous. It allows the shit (trafficking) to float up to the surface much more easily, makes pimps far more careless with their businesses (ie easier to bust them) and can offer a far better safety net for those who (more or less) choose to do it on their own volition. But what exactly is and isn't allowed in that model, I'm admittedly unsure. But a lot of stuff pertaining to prostitution there has been de-criminalised, NOT legalised, and that's a very important point to keep in mind.

But also, I understand that the Australian model cannot possibly be "perfect" by any means. It's probably more so that I understand the Nordic model to be so horrific that whatever the Australian model does differently pretty much cannot possibly be worse. That's how badly I think of the Nordic model. It seriously angers me to the bone, how horrible it is. And thus, I can't help but getting very wrapped up in my emotions about it when I hear radfems praising the Nordic model, when all it does is brushing the inconvenient dust under the carpet, while the Australian model has already done quite some impressive actual cleaning, in the few years that have passed since they de-criminalised prostitution stuff.

The actual real life outcome should matter more than how nice the model looks like in theory. Sweden offers an absolutely terrible living situation for sex workers of any kind in actual practice, despite having such a "nice" system that's "meant" to make it safer for sex workers and reduce trafficking, which it absolutely does not do. Australia literally proved their "more allowing" system actually works in practice to improve the safety for sex workers and to reduce trafficking, despite it looks morally corrupt and too allowing in theory, and that's what matters to me. The outcome. The lives.

[doctorbonzo]

Doctor Bonzo Book of the Month (October 2020)

“Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell

              I was really excited to read this book, which was recommended to me by a 4th-year medical student who I met at a conference in Portland, OR earlier this year. The concept of the book, as it was presented to me, was that we (people in general) don’t do a good job of communicating with other people that we don’t know, especially if they’re from different backgrounds than the ones we come from. In other words, we don’t know how to talk to strangers. I have definitely been on the receiving end of this over the past 15 years since I graduated from residency; there are times when I felt like I was from a different planet than my coworkers.

The concept behind the book was proven within the first few pages of the book; it became obvious to me that Malcolm Gladwell was a “stranger,” and my difficulty relating to him might impair my “communication” with him (communicating in the sense of receptive language/hearing what he is saying to me, the reader). The first passage that caught my attention was when he said, “I suspect that you may have had to pause for a moment to remember who Sandra Bland was.” For personal reasons, there are only 5 other deaths/murders in recent years—those of Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd—that have had a similar personal impact on me as the death of Sandra Bland. I mean, she was one of the main sources of the “Say Her Name” demand that we often saw from the movement for Black Lives. It’s difficult for me to relate to a world where people don’t remember who she is. If Gladwell remembers her, but suspects that his readers don’t, then that makes me wonder if this book was written for people like me.

Also early in the book, Gladwell frames the death of Sandra Bland as a “two sides” issue, which I feel is ridiculous (“Each side was right, in its own way”). Anyone who watches the video of Sandra Bland’s encounter with Brian Encinia and comes away with any point of view where Encinia is “right,” is absolutely a “stranger” to me. He also described the deaths of several other unarmed Black people in a way that disturbed me, such as saying that Freddie Gray “fell into a coma” as opposed to saying that he had his spinal cord severed. Again, I continued to read thinking that this book might give me some point of view that I had not considered in my communications with people from different backgrounds. After all, he ended his first chapter with a statement that I wholeheartedly agreed with: “If we were more thoughtful as a society…[Sandra Bland] would not have ended up dead in a Texas jail cell.”

 Liars

              I really enjoyed this key point of the book. Gladwell presented several historical examples of difficulty knowing when people are lying or not. From CIA agents who didn’t realize that Cuban spies had infiltrated their ranks, to Neville Chamberlain not realizing that Adolf Hitler was a genocidal maniac. These were examples of people whose lies went undetected; he also presented some good examples of people that society believed were lying when they weren’t. The most prominent example of that was the case of Amanda Knox who, I must admit, I thought was clearly guilty the moment I saw her making out with her boyfriend outside of the crime scene of her roommate’s murder. I live my life trying to give people the benefit of the doubt—innocent until proven guilty—but behavior that I deem atypical or bizarre often leads us to assume the worst about people. In some portions of the book, Gladwell presents situations where artificial intelligence/computers that can’t see a person do a better job than attorneys and judges at guessing when people are guilty. However, he didn’t mention Bias as one of the reasons for misjudging people once you can see them.

 Default to Truth

              The book mentioned a concept of the “Truth-Default Theory,” in which we assume that people are telling us the truth until enough doubts are introduced about them that we can’t explain away. Gladwell mentioned triggers that can “snap us out of” the default to truth but I was surprised that, by page 85, he still had not mentioned Bias as one of these triggers. It’s stunning that he doesn’t see Bias as a key barrier to our ability to communicate with or relate to strangers. The sections on espionage had “won me over” after the aforementioned disconnect re: Sandra Bland, but this is when I started to get the feeling again that our perspectives just weren’t aligned.

 Sexual Assault

              This is when Malcolm Gladwell just lost me; I think I will never be able to “talk to this stranger” about issues related to sexual assault and pedophilia. He seemed to offer up too many excuses for my comfort level when it came to understanding how sexual abuse runs rampant in certain situations. In the case of Larry Nassar, he seems to absolve Michigan State because even the parents of the abused women were fooled. He said that parents weren’t trying to protect financial interests, but we know this isn’t necessarily true; there are plenty of parents that care more about their kids’ success than they do about their kids’ safety, even if it is subconscious. Just look at the recent issue in my hometown, Savannah, GA, when parents refused to press charges after their 8-year-old son’s travel football coach repeatedly struck their son in the head for not playing well.

              Gladwell also gives the leadership at Penn State a pass with regards to their handling of Jerry Sandusky, and I had the impression that he thinks they were treated unfairly. He spent a lot of time trying to poke holes in the testimony of Sandusky’s victims, at one point raising doubt because former victims came to visit him later in life. I have seen people sexually abused by parents and siblings—in situations where the family members admit they did it—who still keep close contact with their abusers and even forgive them. That doesn’t mean that the abuser shouldn’t still be punished or scrutinized. Ironically, he is proving that he doesn’t know much about certain strangers, as there is no way he has spent a significant amount of time talking to sexual assault victims.

Victims of trauma all respond differently, which is one of his main points in the book (see the Amanda Knox section). Someone not remembering specific details, like the month or date that the abuse happens, doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen. Also, this book did not spend enough time discussing the easiest, indisputable point of the Penn State fiasco: a grown man should not be showering with children…period! One of the administrators involved said that Sandusky should have worn swim trunks. Are you kidding me?! How does Gladwell have any sympathy for people with this kind of decision-making? I just sensed too much of a vibe that Gladwell gives people a pass for not protecting victims of sexual assault. He spent a lot of time later discussing the link between alcohol and sexual assaults on college campuses during the section about Brock Turner. Like his views on Sandra Bland, I think we just have completely different points of view that will be difficult to reconcile, because he sounded like a rape apologist to me.

Suicide

              Now, I found this portion of the book to be completely fascinating, and I can imagine myself referring back to this section in the future. He describes a concept that I was previously unfamiliar with, known as coupling. Completed suicide is often coupled to “very specific circumstances and conditions,” which conflicts with the idea that if someone really wants to die by suicide, they’ll find a way to do it. As was the case of the poet Sylvia Plath’s death by suicide, intentional carbon monoxide poisoning (by placing the head of the victim inside of kitchen stoves) was a major problem in London during the 1960s. It was a relatively painless way to die without leaving behind too gruesome a scene (relatively speaking, of course; the death of a loved one is always terrible). Interestingly, as town gas was phased out and it became almost impossible to die in this way, the suicide rates dropped significantly.

              Gladwell also mentioned the Golden Gate Bridge, which I didn’t realize has been the site of the most suicides in the world since it was first built. For decades, advocates have encouraged San Francisco and/or California to build barriers or nets to prevent people from jumping off the bridge, but there has been push-back. Some opponents of suicide barriers argue that people will find another way to die, while Gladwell does a remarkable job of describing how this is not consistent with the historical evidence in support of coupling (see above). Of the 500+ people who were prevented from jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge in a study conducted over 30+ years, only 25 of them later died by suicide. The whole “motive + opportunity” thing applies not only to crime, but also to people who suffer from depression severe enough to lead to suicide.

 Policing

              After the Sandra Bland issue that I described above, I had a feeling that Gladwell’s policing commentary would be problematic for me. His foundational ideas were solid, and he described several studies that I was unfamiliar with. He provided compelling evidence that extra policing does not improve the safety of communities. In fact, society’s views of certain cities, or even certain neighborhoods, as unsafe are not accurate; police officers’ views of the most dangerous and violent blocks often don’t match up with actual statistics. Although he argues against more overall policing, he seems to advocate for more focused policing in areas that truly have higher rates of crime.

Gladwell describes one study as a “miracle,” but it sounded like a nightmare to me. In Kansas City, they focused their energy on a small, high-crime area known as District 144. The police used any excuse they could to stop people who looked suspicious between the hours of 7pm – 1am. Gun-related crimes were cut in half, but Gladwell didn’t mention all the innocent people who were pulled over, harassed, and traumatized. He comes off to me as an absolute “stranger” who doesn’t know how to communicate with African Americans like me if he couldn’t see how much of a nightmare this sounds like. Gladwell ends this section describing the police officers being in “constant motion,” and describes 948 vehicle stops in a 200-day period of time, resulting in 616 arrests, 532 pedestrian checks, and 29 guns seized. Are you kidding me?! More than 500 pedestrian checks?! You don’t see a problem with that?! This idea sounds a lot like the “Stop and Frisk” behavior in New York City during the Michael Bloomberg era. Also, he doesn’t say what the arrests were for, so I have no idea if they made the community any safer. Finally, he was oblivious to the fact that his stats meant that >300-400 people were stopped for no reason whatsoever.

I wonder if Malcolm Gladwell has ever been profiled by police. Has he ever felt the humiliation of being yelled at and treated like a criminal because you were trying to ask a police officer for directions? Has he ever had a police officer point a gun at him? I’m going to go out on a limb and say no based on his view of policing.

 Sandra Bland

              Similar to his introductory comments on the Sandra Bland case, the final chapter of his book (titled “Sandra Bland”) was very upsetting to me. He repeatedly says things that I can’t relate to like, “…we have decided that we would rather our leaders and guardians pursue their doubts than dismiss them.” Speak for yourself! I would rather the police dismiss their doubts about me as a law-abiding citizen instead of pursuing the idea that I’m up to no good. Gladwell did highlight something that I was unfamiliar with called the “Reid Technique,” which is a disgusting training program used by 2/3 of police departments in this country. However, similar to the sexual assault chapter, I felt that he passed the buck and blamed Brian Encinia’s behavior on the poor training that he received. He believed Encinia’s lame story that he actually feared for his life.

              If he led off the book with this entire Sandra Bland chapter, I doubt I would have finished the book. At one point, he said that Sandra Bland was “mismatched,” or that she looked like a criminal to Encinia even though she wasn’t one (he said that Encinia was “terrified” of her). I don’t see how anyone who watched that video could come to that conclusion. Gladwell has an obvious Eurocentric point of view that does not match up with my life experience. Her behavior was clearly annoyance at being pulled over, and Encinia did everything he could to provoke her; when she lit up a cigarette to help her relax in the situation, he made up a law so that he could assault and arrest her. The fact that Gladwell doesn’t see this, and the fact that he never mentions her race as a potential contributor, means that this book wasn’t written for people like me.

              In the last few pages of the book, I had difficulty determining if Gladwell was being naïve or dishonest. He actually states that Encinia was empathetic to Sandra Bland because he asked her “What’s wrong?” The question was clearly said in a sarcastic and provocative way if you watch the video. Gladwell believes the officer’s assertion that he was frightened by a “dangerous woman,” but he doesn’t try to explain why he would escalate things and become argumentative if he was so afraid of her. The author also tells the story of a young Black man playing basketball in Ferguson, MO who was profiled by police and accused of being a pedophile with no evidence. He describes it as a “mistake” and portrays this police behavior as police officers’ attempts to find a needle in a haystack. He does mention innocent people caught up in the middle, but never mentions that they are mostly Black and Brown people!

Finally, on page 337 out of 346, he mentions in the footnotes that “there is significant evidence that African Americans are considerably more likely to be subjected to…stops than white Americans.” That it took him this long to get here and that he doesn’t see racial bias as a major barrier in “Talking to Strangers” epitomizes my problems with this book. He concludes that Sandra Bland’s death happened because society does not know how to talk to strangers. He never considers that these deaths happen because of racism, or because power-hungry people in positions of power abuse their authority. Until he sees that the problem in the Sandra Bland case began with anti-Blackness as opposed to a faulty police manual, then I doubt he’ll ever get it. On the last page of the book, he said that Sandra Bland unfairly became the villain of the story in the end. Maybe that’s the case in his whitewashed world, but in the eyes of the people I know and love, Sandra Bland was a beautiful soul who had her life snuffed out too early. She was a martyr, and the blame for her death rests on Brian Encinia. Rest in power, Sandra Bland.

As for you, Malcolm Gladwell, your writing style grabs the reader’s attention, you have a way with words that makes it easy to fly through your book. I’m sure I will reference your section of this book on suicide in the future...but I doubt I will ever read another one of your books. You’re just too much of a stranger to me.

{FIN}

[madi2112]

Covid golf camp (day 70)

I offically hate my golf swing!

Or at least seeing my own golf swing with my own eyes.

Yuck!

Vicky and I went out again to the local park where there is an empty field about 200 yards long and set up our make shift driving range.

I was hitting the ball fairly well with various clubs and even managed to get some driver swings in as well as I can only seem to get about 200 yards from that club.

My new driver is sweet and I love the extra distance it has given me now.

Then I had the "seemed like a good idea at the time" notion to have Vicky take some video of my swing so I could see how best to improve.

Ugh! Icky! Yuck!

My glaring weakness became readily apparent immediately upon seeing the footage.

I have so very little back swing. Almost like I'm playing in a crazy headwind and trying to execute a low punch shot.

Only that's NOT at all what I'm trying to do.

Whats so frustratingly alarming about it all is I feel like I was getting a decent amount of turn in my backswing. I knew it was less then what I wanted but still it felt like it was maybe 70% or so of what I was after. Still, regardless of how it felt,

The video doesn't lie.

🔺️Still frame from my terrible swing.

Frankly I'm shocked that I have been able to shoot in the low 80's with that swing.

I had no idea I had so little hip and shoulder rotation in my backswing. As stated previously. It sure feels like I turn more.

Now that I am aware of the problem I need to figure out how to fix it.

Because that was the point of the video right? To help me get better, right?

I'm just still in shock about how much work it will take.

You can't fix the problem if you don't know what the problem is, right?

A know now for sure!

🔺️My future home?

Sunday at noon I had an appointment with a friendly realtor about viewing a few properties in the nearby area of Kissimmee.

After the depression caused by visiting a couple of efficiency units and apartments, I set my sights on the hope of purchasing a manufactured home.

My plan was to research as many as I could online to help narrow the choices down. Then contact whomever can show me the places in person then secure the financials and with a short time maybe have a little place I can call my own.

I searched the 'net a hundred different ways and slowly began to narrow my findings. The final two locations were both less then 30 minutes from work, had available units, were in my possable price range and in older adult communities.

I chose an older adult community for reasons of safety and security as well as a quieter atmosphere.

The manufacturered home community of Whispering Pines and Kissimmee Gardens both bit the bill nicely.

Darleen, the realtor from Whispering Pines was very pleasant and showed me the three homes I had requested as well as another one just slightly out of my price range (as all agents do)

Two house in and Bam! I had found the one.

It's two bedrooms. One being a Master Suite.

The house has a great U shaped kitchen, bar area, large living room and dining room in an open design. Built in lighted dining room cabinet.

Most appliances are included even a nice washer and dryer in the large laundry room (not laundry closet)

The 2nd bedroom and 2nd bath are both large.

The Master Suite had me! A double sized room with huge closet, walk in shower, 2 sink vanity, make up desk, and even a linin closet.

The ceilings in every room are even vaulted! From 8' at the edges to about 10' in the middle. This make the place seen bigger then ones with flat ceilings and is especially nice with your unusually tall. Like I am.

There is even a Florida Room (an outdoor screened in room) for when its not to hot. The place is in great shape being 30 years old.

While I do love the place I have to keep my enthusiasm under wraps right now.

The 40K it will take to get this place (estimated payment of $800 a month including lot lease) is something I can definitely afford, finding someone willing to complete the loan may prove to be difficult.

I will begin pursuing that tomorrow.

I'm cautiously optimistic, but don't want to get to excited about it...yet.

<fingers crossed it actually happens> 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🙏🙏🤞🤞🤞

~Madison HRT1200

[alexsmitposts]

When the Criminal Liars Shout, “Conspiracy Theory!” You Should Stick to the Facts Do you know who coined the curse, “conspiracy theory” or accusation, “you are conspiracy theorist!” – It was nobody less than the CIA in the 1950s, to silence those who saw through the lie of the Cold War against the Soviet Union. This was a complete lie by US war strategists, to install fear in the population in general and in Europeans in particular and to boost the American Military Industrial complex – and presenting a constant threat to the communist Soviet Union. A complementary phrase developed in the last years is “fake news” — people who are saying well-founded truths, are being accused of spreading “false news” – and that by the very media that spread the real false news and lies in the first place. A dystopian world indeed, and most of the public doesn’t capture it. The fear factor is always a crucial element in dividing people, and in corralling them into chambers of fear – which allows anything outside to happen – building up armament, faking an arms race – when there was none. The Soviet Union came out of WWII – where they lost between 25 and 30 million people to safe Europe and the world from fascism. But western history books have it, that it was the United States and her European allies, who foremost defeated Hitler. This false news is continuingly being propagated, last by the recent WWII Victory Celebration on 9 May 2020 – without any consideration of the key role of the Soviet Union – today’s Russia – in defeating the Hitler Nazis. After this enormous sacrifice, the Soviet Union had no intention nor the resources to build up an army to defeat the west – as was being propagated by the US and then being aped by Europe, hence justifying 40 years of a Cold War, based on FEAR. The Cold War destroyed the natural relationship (trade, diplomatic, cultural) between Europe and today’s Russia. Today, however, anybody who dares to remind the western media, politicians and friends of the real conqueror of Hitler, namely the Soviet Union – is a “conspiracy theorist” – or someone who spreads “false news”. The Corona Crisis The latest example of conspiracy galore, is the corona crisis. What is playing out in front of our eyes, a worldwide lockdown of everything, followed almost by every government of this globe with similar severity, quarantine, confinement at home for almost everyone under the “pretext” of protecting you – the people – from an invisible enemy – a corona virus. And every government KNOWS it is a disaster for the national and world economy – it is social suicide. Yet they go along – with the orders of whom? As most of us who look for our own sources of information, outside the mainstream dominated, government dictated or supported lies, data collection and statistics on COVID-19 infections, as well as death rates, are vastly inflated and willingly falsified, to increase the fear factor and prolong the all destructive lockdown. This horrendous cheat is not just actively practiced in the US, but also in Europe. A point in case is Italy Unless solid proof is presented, like by the Italian Member of Parliament and a number of medical doctors, virologists and microbiologists from Italy and other European countries, as well as the US, anybody who refers to the fakeness and unreliability of the statistic is called a conspiracy theorist — a liar. And in some countries people who tell the truth are even liable to fines and legal pursuit. These threats and conspiracy accusations should shut us up. But they don’t and won’t. We want the truth to come out and be known to the entire world. The World Economic Crisis We already now realize the damage of unheard proportions. In the first four months of this so-called, WHO-denominated pandemic, we see a global disaster of proportions far exceeding those of 1929-33 and 2008-09. Never in recorded human history has so much misery been created. Bankruptcies abound, the stock market plunged so far by more than 30% (with some ups and down – called “quick profit taking” by the rich and powerful on the back of the small investors), a meltdown of productive assets, easy prey to be bought by large corporations – unemployment soaring to heights never experienced before by modern humanity, currently at least 37 million Americans out of a job.This does not account for those having given up looking for a job or claiming unemployment. According to Fox Business News, up to 40% may never get back to work. The FED predicts unemployment may reach 50% by the end of the year (in the worst 1929 recession period unemployment attained 25%). These are only US statistics. The situation in more chaotic Europe may be even worse. The International Labor Office (ILO) announced that within months worldwide unemployment may hit 1.6 billion people, half the globes work force. Many of these people, especially in the Global South have already been at the verge of poverty or under the poverty line, living from day to day, with no savings. Now they are condemned to begging – and many, maybe hundreds of millions, to die from famine, according to the World Food Program (WFP). Many if not most of them have no access to health services, no shelter, or any other form of social safety nets, because the COVID-caused economic collapse has wiped out even flimsy social safety structures poor countries may have set up. Misery no end. And this is only the tiny tip of the iceberg. The worst is still to come – when in a few weeks or months a clearer picture of what industries will live or die will emerge – and more people will be relegated to economic paupers. The Real Conspiracy Taking a few steps back – it is clear, it is no coincidence that the entire world is stricken by the same virus. That does not happen naturally – but can happen, as it did, when the virus is artificially implanted in every country – and that at the same time. So, there is a diabolical plan behind this so-called corona-crisis which does not even have to be a crisis, if we look at real disease and death rates – not the inflated, fear-inspiring ones. So, who is behind this all? – Well, without naming names and leaving that guessing up to you, there are several reports and events that have “predicted” such a pandemic. One of the most prominent ones, is the 2010 Rockefeller report – that described in surprising detail what is happening now, and calls it the “Lock Step” scenario. According to the report it should get worse and the current pandemic might be followed by a stronger wave later this year or in 2021. Strangely, the IMF’s economic projections for a “post-Covid economy, foresees 3 scenarios, two of which consider another outbreak in the second half of 2020, or in 2021. Event 201 on 18 October 2019 in NYC, simulating among other atrocities a corona pandemic that would leave 65 million dead within 18 months. This was the final stroke before the planned outbreak. Let’s just say that the evil masterminds behind this monstrous crisis are a few very rich, power-thirsty psychopaths and their families and cronies. They are planning a One World Government, also called the New World Order, or the One World Order – that has been under preparation since the latter part of the last century. It requires total control over the population and- a sizable population reduction. That’s where the eugenics come in. Many of the Rockefeller club, the “Bilderberg Society” members have been advocating population reduction for decades, including Bill Gates. He even bragged about it when in a 2010 TED talk in Southern California, “Innovating to Zero”, he said, “when we do a real god job vaccinating, we may reduce world population by 10% to 15%.” . He wants to eliminate poverty, literally. However, talking about it, and connecting the dots of what we are living today – is Conspiracy Theory. Why are Bill Gates’ new corona vaccines possibly killer vaccines? – Here is how it works. The Gates Foundation first created the pharmaceutical company “Moderna” in Seattle, Washington State, not far from his Microsoft empire, basically to produce tailor-made vaccines for the Gates Foundation. Then the foundation gave US$ 20 million to Moderna for the development of a COVID vaccine. A few days ago, Moncef Slaoas resigned from Moderna’s Board to become White House Director of Operation Warp Speed, a plan to fast-track a COVID vaccine. Nobody seems to bother about the flagrant conflict of interest – let alone the health risk that poses. But it gets even better. The Pentagon’s Defense Advanced Research Project Agency (DARPA), a little-known agency that is hardly in the news, had, according to Whitney Webb (Last American Vagabond) knowledge of the pandemic outbreak at least since last November, possibly earlier. This means that President Trump knew about it, but didn’t do anything about it, rather let it happen. His blaming China today for mishandling the corona crisis is a sheer lie and a propaganda bluff to denigrate China’s reputation and her rising economy and solid currency, the yuan – which may soon take over from the dollar as a key world reserve currency. DARPA is also financially supported by the Bill Gates Foundation. They have been working on new vaccine technologies for several years. The COVID-19 outbreak brought this research work to prominence. DARPA is closely collaborating with Bill Gates in applying this new technology to the vaccine, Bill Gates wants to develop and impose on the world population. According to Whitney Webb, DARPA and its partners agencies are planning to “produce DNA and RNA vaccines, classes of vaccine that has never been approved for human use in the US and involve injecting foreign genetic material into the human body. Notably, it is this very class of vaccine, now being produced by DARPA-partnered companies, that billionaire and global health “philanthropist” Bill Gates recently asserted has him “most excited”, relative to other Covid-19 vaccine candidates.”. This is not conspiracy theory; this is real conspiracy. This sounds like the kind of medical trials Hitler’s medical team has carried out. The perpetrators were condemned at Nuremberg. In our dystopian world, nobody will be punished, even if thousands or maybe hundreds of thousands will die from the Gates WHO-supported rush with an untested vaccine. Though, it would match the eugenics agenda. *** The so called (by WHO) COVID-19 “is the biggest scam ever perpetrated on the human race.” It is a multi-generational lie that has become a ‘false normal’, says Dr. Sherry Tenpenny, founder of the Tenpenny Integrative Medical Center. And as a piece of reference enhancing her reputation, she has 20 years of vaccine research experience and her articles are translated in 12 languages and she appears frequently on radio and TV to educate parents. “By putting vaccines into our bodies, we are inserting foreign matter, toxins, into our cells, like mercury and aluminum.” In legal terms vaccines are “unavoidably unsafe”. Through pharma lobbying, in 1986 Congress has passed the National Childhood Vaccine Children Act, a law whereby pharmaceutical companies cannot be sued for any damage their vaccines cause, including death. Vaccines have enormous side effects, especially in small children, causing various lasting diseases, like peanut allergies, asthma, eczema and – yes – autism. Particularly harmful vaccines are western-made MMR (measles), polio and DTP (diphtheria, tetanus and pertussis (whooping cough). Russian made vaccines have different compositions and have helped prevent millions from polio and other debilitating, crippling or killing diseases. Since 2002, when revenues from vaccines for US pharma companies amounted to about US$ 8 billion, revenues and profits have skyrocketed to more than 60 billion per year by 2020. Every new vaccine is worth about a billion dollars. Anybody who speaks out against vaccination, irrespective of the evidence given, is labeled a conspiracy theorist by the media, and often by the pharma-coopted medical society. People start understanding that Bill Gates and his Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (BMGF) call the shots on public health around the world, especially on vaccination – vaccination against the corona virus. The sinister new vaccine that Bill Gates in tandem with Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of NIAID (National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases), one of 27 agencies of the National Institute of Health (NIH), and supported by CDC and WHO – and in cooperation with DARPA – are described above. All Gates promoted vaccines are made by wester pharma-corporations. You should know, that the Bill Gates Foundation also generously funds NIAID, NIH and CDC. Both CDC and NIH own several hundred if not thousands of vaccine patents. So, they have a vested interest in promoting vaccination, no matter how much harm they cause to the population. But this cannot be questioned, let alone criticized – else you will be denigrated as a conspiracy theorist. In fact, western Governments hire psychologists, sociologist and medical doctors to give interviews and talk to the media, on conspiracy theories – in a last-ditch effort to dissuade people from thinking. And many still fall for the lie, but evermore stick to their own investigated information – and demonstrate and protest, often with civil disobedience, against harsh government measure of police -and often military crackdowns. They call out against Bill Gates and WHO, a corrupted organization that receives half to three quarters of its annual budget from private donors, mostly the pharma industry, Bill Gates, but also telecom-industries (that’s why WHO has been silent on the potentially nefarious effects of 5G). Bill Gates is the biggest single donor of WHO. Conflict of interest is never discussed in the media. Those who know the truth and don’t hesitate calling it out, are silenced by being called conspirators, liars by the media and – of course, by much of the medical community. In fact, Bill Gates literally calls the shots on matters of public health that affects the entire world. People – be aware! Also speaking out against vaccines and the lab produced viruses from which eventually vaccines are derived, is Dr. Judy Mikovits, a long-time NIAID micro-biologist, who has been severely punished by Dr. Fauci for defending her research results which Fauci wanted to hide. Her book, “Plague of Corruption” is currently Amazon’s number one Bestseller. That in itself tells a story of a public awakening. Referring to her and her numerous interviews, peer-reviewed scientific articles and her book, is called a conspiracy, because even her own outspokenness is called conspiracy – all in an effort to shut up critics of the current system, of the current new-normal that will soon require universal vaccination (Bill Gates with a sly smile wants to vaccinate 7 billion people in the next ten years). Will it be compulsory? Against most countries Constitutional and Democratic Rights? We don’t know. Seveb billion is a slight exaggeration, because Russia and China will certainly not vaccinate their people with vaccines produced under Bill Gates funding and supervision. But even if it is not compulsory, there may be so many “legal” hindrances put in place by western governments that most people eventually will roll over and accept the possibly killer vaccine that Bill Gates and his association of pharmaceuticals (GAVI) supported by WHO, will impose on humanity. For example, you may not be able to receive or renew your driver’s license, going to concerts, to the movies, to sports events, to fly – and so on. That’s all been talked about and is part of the 2010 Rockefeller Report’s ”Lock Step” scenario , in which we are currently hopelessly navigating – under lockdown and with social distancing’ – so nobody can get together and possibly organize a plot against these draconian inhuman measures. *** Robert F. Kennedy Jr., JFK’s, nephew, founder of “Children’s Health Defense” an NGO advocacy organization has this to say: “Bill Gates is the world’s largest vaccine producer and the single largest donor to WHO and the CDC Foundation. Those agencies are now marketing-arms for his vaccine empire. In January 2019, Gates had WHO declare “vaccine hesitancy” the top “global health threat” (with Ebola, cancer, war, and drug-resistant pathogens), signaling a worldwide Pharma Gold Rush to mandate vaccines to all people. Gates maxed-out in donations to Intelligence Committee Chair Adam Schiff’s Political Action Committee (PAC). In February 2019, Schiff wrote to Facebook, Google, Amazon, and Pinterest, demanding they censor “vaccine misinformation, “a term meaning all skepticism toward government and industry pronouncements about vaccine safety or efficacy––whether true or not. – “Vaccines are both effective and safe,” Schiff wrote. “There is no evidence to suggest that vaccines cause life-threatening or disabling disease.” This was misinformation. A year earlier, Schiff pushed a bill to hike the Vaccine Court admin budget to $11,200,000 to reduce vaccine injury backlogs. The court had already paid out $4 billion for vaccine deaths and disabilities. Facebook and Pinterest said that they will rely on Gates’s WHO and CDC to say which on-line statements are “misinformation or hoaxes.” Facebook and Google hired “FactChecker” (Politifact) to censor vaccine misinformation. The Gates Foundation is “FactChecker’s” largest funder. In his article, “Fact Checker, a Propaganda Device,” investigative journalist Jeremy Hammond concludes, “Facebook is guilty of misinforming its users about vaccine safety… They have no problem with lies about vaccine safety and effectiveness, as long as it’s intended to persuade parents to vaccinate their children.” On May 4, 2017, FactChecker declared as false, Del Bigtree’s statement, “Vaccines include aluminum and mercury, which are neurotoxins, and vaccines cause encephalopathy.” FactChecker explained, “Current data show vaccines are safe and do not cause toxicity or encephalopathy.” [However], manufacturer’s inserts reveal that many vaccines contain aluminum and mercury, and cause encephalopathy. – Finally, massive gifts to NPR & PBS buy Gates biased vaccine coverage. This statement is from public media Highwire. “I’m (Robert Kennedy) not anti-vaccine. I’m against dangerous, shoddily tested, zero liability vaccines with toxic ingredients. If someone came up with a thoroughly tested vaccine that was completely safe and efficient, one that performed as promised, one that made people healthier rather than sicker, I’d be for it. – Indeed, only an idiot would oppose it. But under no condition, would I support mandatory vaccination. Government has no right to force citizens to take unwanted medicines or to submit to involuntary medical interventions.” And he adds: “Google is a vaccine company. It has a $760 million partnership with Glaxo-the world’s largest vaccine maker and similar deals with Sanofi and Merck to mine your medical information. Googles mother company, Alphabet, has 4 vaccines developers working on flu, and other, vaccines.” Google and Youtube are removing videos from highly experienced doctors, epidemiologists, biologists and virologists – censuring is also the new normal – but they are promoting a billionaire software developer and a 16 year old climate change “expert” about viruses and vaccines — what does that say for the media, for the governments that support and finance the media. The Strategy behind shouting Conspiracy – Conspiracy Theorist There is a lot of psychology behind the strategy – leading people to a state of cognitive dissonance, of believing a narrative they know is a fiction, meaning, you know there is something not quite right, but you don’t’ dare questioning it. Why? Because of being called a conspiracy theorist. And why does that matter? Because it is a demeaning term, robbing the accused of his credibility (well thought-out by the CIA in the 1950s). Somebody stamped as a conspiracy theorist, believing in conspiracy theories – in fake news, makes you a lesser person in your friends’ eyes. So, they may avoid you – and if you stick to your opinion, you may gradually move into isolation. Being isolated, no friends, is fear-provoking. So, better believe the official narrative. The silver lining around this dark cloud is ever more visible and ever brighter. Be self-assured. Don’t cave in. Stick to your own research, to your opinion, regardless of being insulted as a conspiracy theorist. Stand up for what you believe – and do it with passion. Other people also have doubts, and when they see people defending their believes with passion, they may join you. And so, a critical mass grows. And the conspiracy theory strategy loses rapidly power – and fades away. Fading is already visible throughout European and US cities, where tens of thousands take to the streets, defending their civil and human and Constitutional Rights. These are encouraging signs. Hope never fades – until “we shall overcome.”

[villlaneve]

Life Update (I need help)

Hey, everyone. I’m sorry I haven’t really been active on here for quite a while. I want to explain myself. Just making this post has taken me lots of time and courage to get myself to do it but here I am.I feel hesitant to share this, as I don’t want this to seem like a pity party and feel like I should have higher standards for myself and should be able to do this on my own. My therapist and others have told me to be kinder to myself and cut me some slack once in a while so here I am.

I felt guilty reblogging posts on Tumblr after not having the energy to do so in a while and I wasn’t caught up with the shows so I punished myself by saying I shouldn’t be able to reblog anything. I will try to stop this way of thinking and am happy to go back to my usual reblogging after this!

What’s the problem?

I’ve been suicidal and struggling with depression since I was 16. I am 23 now and feel like I haven’t really accomplished all that much even though my therapist tells me that fighting for mental health and the way I am doing it is progress as well. I can’t really work up any energy to get up out of bed everyday and when I do I feel empty and can’t get myself to do things I enjoy. I can’t remember the last time I was able to read a book. My attention span and concentration is basically non existent so I cannot even watch the few things I can’t get excited about. TV shows such as Killing Eve, Supergirl and other female centric shows are the few things I DO get excited over and can find the energy to enjoy. I follow the posts on tumblr about Supergirl but the last time I watched an episode was about 6 months ago so sometimes not even that excitement makes me able to focus and watch what I love. Focusing on anything feels nearly impossible.

You can imagine that applying this to every day situations it gets even worse. I’ve lost my job around October and have so much anxiety and fear about applying somewhere else. Trying to get into new hobbies that could motivate me to do anything like photography or making videos on youtube is impossible without the money and right equipment. I grew up and still live in a household where if something I do isn’t perfect then it’s bad and doesn’t matter at all. I apply it to every action I take and am trying to actively unlearn it but so far it isn’t working. When a task or opportunity appears all I think about is the possibility of failing and not being good enough so I end up scared and freezing up. I do nothing. I can’t apply for a job or a university/apprenticeship because of that fear and have been stuck in the past few years of my life.

Why don’t you get a job/degree?

I want to address my university education. University in Germany is quite different than in the US. You choose a major once you start university and that’s what you’re stuck with. I got scared after already taking a gap year right after high school and started studying something that ultimately I realized was not right for me. I convinced myself that I should just finish it and work hard and that it could be right for me. otherwise I would be a failure once again. I froze up and stayed in this path. Except eventually I stopped going to classes all together and became more and more depressed and desperate as I did not know what to do next. I don’t know who to ask for help and am scared to do it to begin with.

I finally worked up the courage to apply to a different major earlier this year. That opportunity fell through/I did not get the spot and now I am back to not knowing what to do. Starting another path and applying for spots even if I decide what to do is going to lead me to more freezing up and thus more complications. On top of all this there is another factor that’s weighing on me.

I am in a long distance relationship and have been since I was 18. This relationship gives me a lot of strength to go on and try fighting but at the same time it is another pressure and weight on top of everything. As my girlfriend lives in the US and her plan is for me to move there, originally I was supposed to be finished with my degree at this point. 

Now I am still basically at 0 and cannot move to the US in the foreseeable future. I’ll have to finish a degree here for 3-4 years, find a way to see if my career path is even transferrable to the US. Speech therapy is an apprenticeship here; a german system that includes school and work experience at the same time and lets you start a career after finishing it; its an alternative to a university degree in a way. I feel like the pressure of tests, writing papers and failing at a university is too much for me too handle with my mental health anyway and the only universities that offer speech therapy as a university  degree are private and cost money that I cannot afford!

We try to make things work and see eachother as often as possible but financially making a transatlantic flight work and having to pay for food, transportations etc everytime I am visiting her 1-2 times a year is getting way too much for me to pay for. Especially now that I do not have a job. Only having to do this for another year or two would have been fine but now it will be another few years before we can even think about me going there. Safe to say this is a hard situation and is putting a big strain on our relationship, financially and emotionally on both sides. Having to spend so many more years apart and not knowing how to afford to see eachother. My mental health is blocking me from finding a job to start alleviating the financial side of this at least and I am frozen in panic and fear.

Why don’t you get help? You can go to a hospital or clinic to treat this

I would like to add that on top of all this most of the friends I did have here are on a semester abroad or have moved out of the country all together. Despite that I am glad to have my family and the 1-2 people I see about once a month to give me comfort. It gives me a bit of levity and strength and I tried checking myself into a clinic to face my fears and mental health problems head on. However, they completely isolated me from any cellphone usage there and going outside at any time. Visitors were only allowed on weekends. I had no way of communicating with anyone aside over a landline and only in very limited time slots (that landline was broken for several days when I got there mind you). I had to scramble to somehow find a way to talk to my partner with her buying a skype international landline and even then most of our calls were spent with us trying to find a way of when we could talk the next time and being frustrated when things would not work on some days because of commitments. If there was a change of plans there was no way for me to call her and let her know something was up. Only she could call and it was anxiety inducing for both of us having no way to reach out to eachother. The people there all had their own issues and as a person who already worries about triggering other people being around very emotionally vulenrable people only and upsetting them (they told me all the things I had done wrong during a group therapy session) launched me into the worst panic attack of my life. No one checked up on me after in the clinic and I no longer felt it was the right or safe place for me and had to leave. Moreover, having a 1 days notice on when I’d get into the clinic  They gave me no time to prepare for these new and extreme conditions (they called me and said I have to decide on the spot if I wanted to come in tomorrow, otherwise I couldnt come into the clinic until March next year).

I am thankful to be back in the little safety net of therapy, being in the city I love with cafes and parks that can somewhat relax me and calm me down and my cousin and aunts to support me. Unfortunately, my parents put me under pressure to “contribute” more in the household. I never know what “enough” is. Everday I get home and do chores I live in fear that it is not enough and will result in them yelling at me again claiming arbitrarily that what I did was not enough in their opinion. Things are tense to say the least. They want me to start something and get better with my mental health but never really offer to help me themselves and I feel lost and alone. Because of this treatment I always feel that nothing I do is good enough and I can’t/shouldn’t even try in the first place. I am never sure if the standards they set for me are too high or if I am just being whiny and weak or not good enough objectively?

What part of this is my mental health? am I just being lazy? are they right? 

Here is the part I feel especially guilty about: Asking for help.

I wanted to accurately explain why and how I am struggling. I hope at least some of you can empathize and understand why this seemingly easy situation is so hard for me because of my family history and mental health.

Money doesn’t buy happiness but it does help alleviate certain financial problems. Being currently unable to get myself to get stable income I feel even more stuck and am struck with panic about how to visit my girlfriend at all.

What will you do when you have money? How will you spend it?

I am commited to fixing my mental health and will do weekly updates on what progress I’ve made. Therapy, looking into speech therapy paths, finding deals and dates for the cheapest possible flights to the US, hobbies like photography or making videos. Having people looking and validating the process makes me feel like I can do this and gives me a project to focus on. I just hope for your kindness to spare any money you have to contribute to bettering my current situation. If you want me to write anything for you, I am happy to just tell me which pairing and the general plot idea and if you want any specific things included. I’ll sincerely do my best.

Moreover, the money would truly be spent on what I need to get better and stabilize i.e. medication, plane tickets to see my girlfriend, equipment for filming/photography, semester fees and occasional mental health treats like going out to a warm cozy cafe to relax and not be faced with the constant stress and pressure at home (max. 15€ a week). I am happy to document these spendings for you. 

As soon as my life has stablized enough and therapy or others around me have helped me to get back on my feet, get a stable income, etc you don’t need to feel an obligation to donate and I can take my posts down if necessary.

My PayPal is https://www.paypal.me/ninin96 and I am truly grateful for anything you are willing to give me or comission me. 

Thank you for your time.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Nicky!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character AINSLEY ABBOTT with the faceclaim of Olivia Taylor Dudley! I really loved the idea of having a half-blood character who is pretending to be pureblood, especially in the climate of this rpg. I think it will add a lot of excitement to the roleplay! 

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Nicky

AGE: 30+

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Medium, sporadic; I work retail hours which means that my schedule is not consistent between days. I expect to be able to make several replies each week, however, and am available to check-in or chat often. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the only time I’m really out-of-touch for considerable periods on a regular basis although in general I have more free time in the latter half of the week than I do at the beginning – and of course when Winter Holiday Shopping Season rolls around I will be more absent than usual!

ANYTHING ELSE: currently playing Dorcas Meadowes!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Ainsley Marigold Abbott

AGE: 28

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-gender female, she/her. Ainsley does not realize it (because it’s not a term or identity she’s ever heard of before) but she is in fact a panromantic asexual. She has experienced crushes before, but since kisses and cuddles leave her feeling nothing but tired and bored she assumes that her affections are utterly fleeting – not understanding that a desire for sex and a desire for romance may be two different things – and said crushes usually curdle the moment anyone acts on them; elsewise they simply flicker-out after she pines from afar for a while, telling herself there’s no point because she just isn’t wired that way. She thinks there must be something wrong with her but (especially lately, with her sister) what she has seen of romance does not seem to be enticing enough for her wish she were any different. (note: I am aware of the delicacy of writing any asexual character with the notion of them being “broken” but as an aromatic asexual myself, I think I will be able to approach the topic with appropriate sensitivity! I am, however, happy to discuss this idea further both with the admin and with any fellow players who are concerned or curious about my reasoning or experience.)

BLOOD STATUS: Half-blood (but currently faking status as a pure-blood at the request of her sister)

HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw

ANY CHANGES: none

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Ainsley fits very well into the mold that people like to think of as the “traditional Ravenclaw” – bookish, quiet, academically gifted. That stereotype very much does not fit the majority of the House, though; Ravenclaw Tower is often a noisy place full of chaotic experiments and passionate arguments and the occasional impassioned spurt of poetry. While there are quietly studious Ravenclaws, even they tend to be more of the obsessive breed than the merely academic; a House based around a love of learning for its own sake is not, necessarily, going to be a House full of good test-takers and obedient homework-doers. Ainsley enjoyed the chaos most of the time (except right before tests – which was the only time the academically-minded Ravenclaws revolted against their noisier, more idiosyncratic housemates to demand quiet for a while) and considered it to be both educational and entertaining. An uncharitable person might call her voyeuristic; a nicer description might merely state that she is an observer of human nature. However you say it, AInsley likes to watch people. She finds her peers both fascinating and, with increasing frequency with every year, baffling. A sort-spoken girl, Ainsley is also easily mistaken for meek – which she isn’t; only quiet. She would rather have an argument through owl post or in impassioned papers and essays than face-to-face, where it’s too easy to fumble over one’s words or forget an esoteric fact that can’t be looked-up mid-shouting match. Her writing, however, can become quiet fiery, to the point where one might almost expect her quill to scorch the paper as she scrawls her way across it. (For such a quiet, reserved girl, she has very broad handwriting – especially when emotional!) When she does have to stand-up to someone in person, she tends to shake and shrink in on herself – but fortunately, she usually has her more boisterous sister there to take-over when the stress of a fraught social interaction overwhelms her. Or at least she did, when they were both children; now Ainsley is on her own more and more, both because Nessie can’t exactly follow her to work and because she’s occupied with her own endeavors – the main one of which Ainsley does not approve, and isn’t at all shy about saying so. Ainsley is more opinionated than she seems; it’s just that her strongest opinions tend to be about things like Arithmantic equations or antique Runes or the history of the etymological development of spells. Not things that most people care about enough to have opinions over. Perhaps the most surprising thing about Ainsley is that she’s actually good with a wand. One would think that a witch like her would be interested strictly in the theoretical – but Ainsley believes that the only way to truly understand the theory behind something is to also understand it in practice. Since her allegiance with the Order of the Phoenix, many a Death Eater has had the unpleasant experience of being hexed by this seemingly-harmless bluestocking while they were focusing on shielding themselves against someone who actually looked like a threat. Of course, take her glasses away and Ainsley isn’t going to be hexing anything smaller than a train car– not with any accuracy, anyway.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: 

Ainsley‘s extended family is a large and widely-dispersed one and she grew-up knowing that just about anywhere she went, there would be someone related to the Abbotts close by enough to have her back in a pinch. It was quite the safety net, really – although at times it came across as stifling, especially during her awkward adolescent years. (How much can one truly feel like one is spreading one’s wings when one has to constantly wonder how much of the story is getting back to mum and dad?) For the most part, Ainsley liked it – especially given that her immediate family was small, so her childhood ended up having a rather good balance between intimate family relationships and broad family network. As far as that immediate family, Ainsley’s consisted of two parents (Hubert and Moira Abbott) and one sister, Vanessa, who went almost universally by Nessie. (Ainsley herself did not favor nicknames, and once out of the toddler-stage where both she and her sister referred to herself as “Lee-lee,” preferred to use her full name.) The girls were born barely two years apart and, thanks to Ainsley being born late in the spring and Nessie at the very end of summer, actually attended Hogwarts with only a one year gap between them. This led to them being very close both as children and later as adults, and the sisters suffered from little of the disagreements and competitions common to many close-age siblings – due in part, no doubt, to their parents’ insistence on focusing on their individual strengths rather than comparing their talents or weaknesses against one another. The Abbotts (at least, Ainsley’s small branch of that three) were the sort of parents who could and did spend time indulging their children’s particular interests, but didn’t hover over every aspect of their lives, especially as the girls grew older and could be more easily left to their own devices and entertainments. Part of that was due to mum’s increasing workload – she was one of the original designers for the Nimbus Racing Broom Company, having been a close friend of Devlin Whitehorn for years, and as the company’s popularity soared so too did its demands on its employees’ time – and part to dad’s promotion from junior to senior auditor in the Ministry’s Department of Magical Finance Management; they both simply had less time to spare to parent as their careers demanded more and more of their attention instead. It wasn’t that Moira and Hubert ever became bad parents – just busier than they had been, when their girls had been young. It meant more financial security and comfort, though, which was nice – but also more distance and distraction from their daughters. At least they were both already in Hogwarts by then, with plenty of their own distractions on which to focus. Ainsley and Nessie made up for any lack of parental involvement by sticking together, and neither would have said they ever noticed anything missing from their childhoods – until Nessie fell in love with someone she could not have. Now as long as she was a half-blood, anyway. There was no way that someone like Jayesh Rosier would ever be permitted to marry an Abbott – not since they slipped off the pillar of purity on which they had once stood, anyway. But Nessie wasn’t going to let a little thing like blood-status stand in her way…and as little as the idea of pretending to be pure-bloods appealed to Ainsley, she couldn’t say no when Nessie asked: “Oh come on Ainsley, you know there’s no real difference between a pure-blood and a half-blood. We were raised in the magical world too, it’s not like we’re muggle-borns! Our blood’s as good as anyone else’s. In fact it’s already mostly the same blood, so it’s hardly even a lie to say ‘oh actually, we checked the family history, and our branch is still pure, look at that!’ And if it is, it’s a lie that everyone’s telling. How many people do you think can really say they don’t have any Muggles in their family tree? Anyone? No, everyone does it–” “Not to the Rosiers, they don’t! I’m not protesting the–the morality of what you’re doing, you idiot, I’m worried about your life! These people are fanatics!” “Jayesh isn’t a fanatic–” “Jayesh won’t be the one holding the wand when they find out you lied and kill you for it!” “Ainsley…who’s going to find out? Are you going to tell them?” “What? No, of course not–” “Besides, Jayesh loves me. His family won’t hurt me. He wouldn’t let them. And after they see how happy we are together, it won’t matter anyway.” Ainsley was very much sure that it would, but she could also see that there was no talking her sister out of this foolishness. Love, Ainsley thought with disgust, it destroys people. I’m glad I’ve never fallen victim to that kind of stupidity – not realizing, of course, that she very much had, for it was love of her sister that compelled her to go along with Nessie’s mad plan. It wasn’t hard: a bribe here, a forged document there…as Nessie had said, everyone did it. The methods were well-established. Ainsley couldn’t help but wonder if everyone else who had walked this reckless path had felt so sick with nerves over every step. But her sister was happy. And that was what mattered. NOTE: I am leaving many details about Nessie deliberately vague in case anyone would like to pick her up as a Secondary or something, I hope that’s all right! If not I will gladly make some more concrete defining choices about her, just let me know! 

OCCUPATION: 

Ainsley is a staff editor at The Daily Prophet. She keenly wants to be a columnist, but so far none of the pieces she has turned-in have been run in the paper – there’s just too many stories this week, dear; it’s all this Death Eater-business, you know; maybe next month… It isn’t a lack of wordsmithing skill that gets in her way, but a focus on topics that just don’t interest other people. The Prophet values AInsley for her keen eye for detail, impeccable (obsessive) fact-checking, and grammatical precision; many of the staff-writers give her their pieces for proof-reading prior to publication. Many of those same staff laugh behind her back about her weird obsessions with archaic forms of magic or speculative archaeology – or the Arithmancy! Oh, the Arithmancy! Ainsley has no idea that she is an object of ridicule at the office, which makes it hard for the “gallant” reporters who try to catch her interest by “defending her” to their fellows whenever they think she’s listening – but she usually isn’t; Ainsley is very good at tuning-out the world around her, and spends most of her downtime with her nose buried in some ancient tome or fresh academic journal. Sadly for those young gallants, she’s perfectly content without their company – or perhaps it’s for the best; none of those wizards would probably enjoy a date with Ainsley, should they somehow manage to secure one. Sure, she’s easy-on-the-eyes – but what about the ears? It’s not like she’s going to want to make small-talk about the latest Quidditch upset, after all…and so few people find a discussion on the importance of comma placement or the intricacies of reverse Arithmancy to be entertaining dinner conversation, much to Ainsley’s bewilderment.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER: 

Surprising to most people, Ainsley is a fighter for the Order. That isn’t all she does, of course; none of them can really only do one thing when they’re part of a rag-tag army of volunteers on what is seeming more and more like the losing side of a war. Her other chief areas of value to the Order come from, firstly, her esoteric knowledge: Ainsley never made a particularly study of Dark Magic, but her research into odd little archaic bits and pieces of magical history and alternative theories means she knows more about it than most of her fellows. Knows enough to help pick-apart Curses and alleviate their suffering; knows enough to help undo many a boobytrap without loss of life along the way. She doesn’t have Moody’s grizzled calm or Dumbledore’s warm wisdom – but when they aren’t around, she’ll do in a pinch. The area where she should be the most obviously valuable – that of The Daily Prophet – is not one where she’s been of as much help as the Order would like. Ainsley doesn’t have the sort of clout they need to turn a story in their favor; doesn’t have enough influence over her coworkers to try and change anyone’s mind (and honestly, probably lacks the delicacy of social interaction to get away with such efforts undetected anyway). She gets to see the stories before they publish a lot of the time, because she’s editing them for grammar, punctuation, and outrageously nonfactual statements (far too many of the latter of which the Editor in Chief overrules her on and publishes anyway) but she rarely has enough time between when she turns-in her polished drafts and when the paper goes to print to give enough advance warning to her fellows in the Order to do any good. On the surface, having someone inside The Daily Prophet seems like a real coupe…but unfortunately, that someone is Ainsley Abbott. As for Ainsley’s feelings, she knows that she’s often a disappointment – but she doesn’t know how to make that better, so she pushes the feeling away as best she can and ignores it. On the other hand, it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the realization that the Order might be losing this war. When she joined, Ainsley loved being a member. Sure, it was dangerous and often scary and sometimes overwhelmingly awful…but it also reminded her, a little bit, of life in Ravenclaw Tower. The arguments had different subjects and the experiments were less creative, but there was the same sort of energy in the air. Now most of that’s been sapped, and the influx of “new blood” looks to be too short-sighted and foolhardy to bolster AInsley’s flagging spirits. She doesn’t mind breaking the law (is too much that sort of Ravenclaw to worry about silly things like human laws…or the laws of nature even, at times!) but she didn’t join the Order for a lark; she had an end goal. And every day, that seems to be slipping farther and farther out of the Order’s reach…

SURVIVAL: 

As far as ordinary logistics go, Ainsley survives on her salary as an editorial assistant for The Daily Prophet. She shares a small, plain-but-decent flat near their London offices with her sister, Vanessa, although she might have to move to a less expensive location when the inevitable happens and Nessie moves out to get married – but that’s a problem to face in the future; maybe she’ll take a roommate instead. (Maybe someone from the Order. It’s one of the few places she has real friends.) It will be odd, getting used to living with someone who isn’t family again – the first time she’ll have done that since the Hogwarts dormitories – but AInsley is a Ravenclaw; she likes new experiences. As for staying alive…for the most part, Ainsley survives because no one thinks she’s a threat – no one who would want to hurt her for it, anyway. Many of her own allies have trouble wrapping their heads around the idea that this seemingly-meek, nerdy little eagle is anything more than a useful bookworm; the Death Eaters certainly have no reason to suspect her at all…and less reason than most, maybe; after all, as far as they know, she’s a middling pure-blood without ambition or angles of advancement, happy to take a back-set to her sister’s social climb. And no one who was helping said sister marry into the Rosier family would be so foolish as to join an organization opposing everything the Rosiers hold dear…right?

RELATIONSHIPS:

Ainsley’s most important relationship is, of course, with her sister – and despite the strain that Nessie’s marital prospects (and their attendant secrets and lies) have placed on the sisters, that is one bond that remains as strong as ever. As for her co-workers…well, Ainsley has yet to figure out where and how to really fit-in with the rest of the Daily Prophet staff. (Perhaps because she’s so often correcting their misuse of commas or calling their attention to “innocent” little factual errors that she’s too hard-nosed to let slide into print.) The closest she’s come to making a true friend at work is probably Edmund Gwynder, their newest staff photographer. Maybe he just hasn’t been around long enough to find Ainsley tiresome yet…or maybe the fact that she can’t correct the grammar of a photograph endears her to him. The fact that she feels guilty enough over the fact that he almost lost a hand in an Order-related incident, and consequently she makes more of an effort to actually engage when he talks to her, might have something to do with it too. Within the Order of the Phoenix, Ainsley fares much better. Maybe it’s the bonding-effect of facing death together; maybe it’s the fact that she has saved many of her fellows’ lives once or twice before (and they, her) or maybe it’s just that in a group made-up so largely of misfits in one fashion or another, Ainsley fits in. Maybe it’s just that she’s much too curious to be judgemental when someone else confesses to fears or failures, and that makes her a great comfort in times like this. Those she’s particularly close to include Edgar Bones, with whom she once shared a common room and classes – although Ainsley was, and remains, shocked that it was Edgar who joined the Order, not Amelia….but then, she joined too. Maybe the rest of the world should stop underestimating quiet Ravenclaws…and maybe Ainsley, of all people, should have known better than to jump to that same stereotypical conclusion. At any rate, she’s glad Edgar is here; it’s nice having someone around with whom she shares so much in common – not just a former Hogwarts House, either; they both have a penchant for watching, a drive for learning, and a sibling they love more than life itself. Caradoc Dearborn isn’t quite as familiar a face – or at least he wasn’t, before they both found themselves in the Order; they knew each other at school of course, but their paths crossed less often. These days, Ainsley finds him not just familiar but reliable – a pillar of strength and logic in a world tilting off its axis. Gladys Gudgeon is another year-mate she’s glad to see getting involved, although so far the other witch has been staying at more of a distance…but Ainsley thinks that ought to change. The more legitimate government connections the Order can form, the better – especially if they all mean to not be arrested once this war is over!

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I think it would be interesting to get AInsley to a point where she realizes that she can fall in love without falling in lust – but I’m not sure that’s likely to happen, and I’m definitely not sure what kind of character would be the one(s) to inspire that breakthrough…but if something looks like it’s kindling, I’ll certainly be all for exploring it!

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE? 

Ainsley isn’t prejudiced at all. Sure, she knows that being raised in magical society is a superior upbringing to that of Muggles but that doesn’t make her prejudiced; in fact, it just means she expects less of Muggle-borns because she knows they’re starting at a disadvantage, which is the opposite of being prejudiced against them of course. And it has nothing to do with blood-status, oh no! As a half-blood (even if she’s pretending otherwise these days), Ainsley would be silly to pay any credence to blood-status. It’s all to do with one’s experiences. Being born magical is just better, that’s all – that’s obvious. And of course the older one’s magical lineage, the better one is established within the magical world – but purity has nothing to do with it. Of course not. And as for unclean – sorry, as for inhuman beasts like werewolves and giants and goblins and centaurs…well, they’re interesting to study, sure enough! But Ainsley wouldn’t invite one of them over to dinner! That would just be absurd. She’s no more likely to treat a House Elf with the same respect with which she does a person than she is to sprout wings and start flying without a broomstick – less, honestly; that sounds like just the sort of experiment that Ainsley would be captivated by. House Elves, on the other hand…well, they’re useful and they’re often sweet and that’s nice, but they aren’t people. No more are any other non-human beings or (worse yet) those unfortunate half-breed creatures. Oh, Ainsley can be perfectly civil and even kind to them – especially if she’s studying them; she’s learned quite a lot from her forays to the McKinnon farm to talk to and observe the lycanthropic subjects sheltering there, for instance, and she was one of the few students to have managed to strike-up the occasional interaction with one of the notoriously shy merfolk inhabiting the Hogwarts lake back at school – but she’d never make the mistake of thinking that they’re people like her. That sort of foolish, illogical anthropomorphizeing empathy is how good researchers get eaten.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I am honestly just so excited to get to explore the imperfections and prejudices within the Order; too often fandom makes 99% of the characters in HP so black-and-white in terms of good-vs-evil when most of them aren’t. Sure, there are extreme end-of-the-spectrum characters like Voldemort and Bella and Umbridge who are pretty much Pure Evil (and the occasional opposite end like the hardly-flawless-but-wholly-good-hearted Luna Lovegood) but for the most part, the people in this story are just people. (All that “both light and dark inside us” blah blah blah stuff.) But when you only focus on the Good Guys vs Bad Guys – particularly when the cause the bad guys are fighting for is so bad – it’s easy to gloss-over the flaws in the people fighting against them; easy to forget that they aren’t always great too. Easy to forget that just because you’re fighting against a group of people trying to enshrine prejudice as near-holy writ in their society doesn’t mean that you’re automatically free of prejudice yourself. (Maybe some of the people in the Order are there because they oppose blood-supremacy, but does that mean they like werewolves? Doubt it! Or what about the ones who come from Muggle roots who thus have Muggle prejudices that the wizarding world has little of – racism, for starters! What about queerness? Is it more tolerated in a magical society where people can change genders as easily as they transfigure themselves into rabbits and armchairs, and where marriage has always been about preserving the family line more than romance so who cares what the gender of your “bit on the side” is as long as you produce a proper heir? Etc. What about religion? I doubt too many wix go in for Muggle religions, when so many of those belief systems take the tactic of “thou shalt not suffer a witch to live!” so how does that conflict play-out between those who grew-up with one foot in the magical world and one in the Muggle? So many options for turmoil!) Just because someone is paying enough attention to know that Voldemort is evil doesn’t even mean that they don’t share some of the same ideals being spouted by the Death Eaters – maybe unconsciously, maybe to a lesser degree, etc…but still there, in their head. Internalized. Needing to be unpacked, confronted – but fandom does so little of that. Good Guys are Good, End of Story. The Order were all friends who got along, la la la! Nope. Don’t think so. The Order was made up of a bunch of scared, desperate, angry, beleaguered people (several of them outcasts in their own way) fighting life-and-death battles against an enemy they couldn’t always even find, opposing their own government in many ways in order to “do the right thing” – fighting a war that half the populace would rather just went away. Even if they had all started as buddies, that would have been enough strain to crumble half their friendships by the end – and conversely, to forge people who otherwise have nothing in common into lifelong mates. The interpersonal relationships and inevitable clashes and arguments and confrontations – those are going to be awesome. I’m so excited.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: Things to inspire more inter-personal conflict in the Order; things to erode people’s trust in one another. Unfortunate circumstances, suspicious choices – maybe someone is seen talking to somebody whom other Order members know to be a Death Eater, but they didn’t get the memo yet and just think they’re an old friend, but the others don’t buy that explanation… Maybe someone has to make a purchase in Knockturn Alley that they don’t want to talk about publicly, which should be fine – everyone deserves a little privacy! But can they afford to grant that in the middle of a war…? Maybe someone (a Death Eater, a concerned citizen, a copy-cat) stages an attack that the Order gets blamed for, and certain members of the Order (Dorcas and Emma? James and Sirius?) have a hard time convincing the others that it wasn’t them… Maybe somebody defects; maybe somebody dies.

ANYTHING ELSE? nope!

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

PAST: 

There are a lot of Abbotts in the world. They’re an old family and rather than dwindle over the years like so many other old families, they’ve multiplied. Ainsley has cousins upon cousins upon cousins, and ties to most of the magical families in Great Britain (and abroad) if you trace those family trees back far enough. Everyone knows an Abbott – and everyone knows they aren’t pure. Not anymore; not since the 1940s, when the societal shift post-Grindewald led to a relaxation of blood-standards among many of the older families (the Bulstrodes, the Bobbins). But not every family loosened their ideals of purity, and some of those that did not were the most prestigious. This led to the Abbotts not so much being exiled from the higher echelons of society as drifting slowly to the side as the blood-purists solidified their grasp on the top slots and everyone else stood back and let them. For Ainsley, that was a stroke of luck; she’s the type of witch who prefers the sidelines, prefers watching to interacting, especially in a crowd. It is a trait that surprisingly few of her Hogwarts Housemates shared, but while AInsley preferred the company of her fellow quiet academics she was nonetheless delighted to let the more rambunctious Ravenclaws entertain her with the endless experiments and impassioned debates that made their Tower such an eye-opening place for a quiet, curious young Abbott to grow-up. 

PRESENT:

Ainsley might have been expected to go into some esoteric research position after Hogwarts, locked away in a room full of dusty books and quills and quiet. But quiet was best when it was surrounded by something exciting – and Ainsley liked sharing what she knows almost as much as she likes learning something new. So she turned to a very different source of the printed word: journalism. Her career at The Daily Prophet has not proved to be as fulfilling as she had hoped when she was first hired as an editorial assistant, however. She thought that would include writing a few articles herself – fleshing-out the paper’s coverage of current events and societal gossip and economic and investment minutia with some columns on important topics like Arithmancy theories and archaic rune translations. Somehow, though, there’s just never enough room to squeeze in her pieces; too much other news keeps getting in the way. That isn’t what drove Ainsley to leave her desk and take up wands against the Death Eaters, though; she did that for her sister. Vanessa was always the more impractical, romantic of the two – but their differences did nothing to drive them apart, and there’s nothing Ainsley wouldn’t do for the person she loves most. Including fight to make a world where Nessie would be safe to follow her heart. That’s why Ainsley went along with her sister’s scheme to pretend to be pure-bloods so she could marry Jayesh Rosier – and why AInsley decided to cut to the chase and just destroy blood-prejudice. The Order hasn’t had as much success as she’d hoped, though, and now Ainsley is starting to wonder if she isn’t potentially doing Nessie more harm than good. What will her prospective in-laws do if they find out Nessie’s sister is fighting against their precious Dark Lord?

FC CHOICES: Olivia Taylor Dudley, Song Ji-Hyo, Amy Acker

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #233

lalala song lyrics i’m about to go home so copy/pasting time.

What subject do you seem to struggle with the most? Various forms of mathematics. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Noooo. I don't have that dedication. What’s the worst feeling in the world? Specifically? Giving someone everything you have physically and emotionally with full force and finding out you weren't enough. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? Sara, probably. What is your favorite genre of movie? Horror, probably. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? Being told I don't have strep throat. Do you have a favorite metal band or do you not like metal? Metal is my favorite genre. I claim a lot as "favorites," but the reigning king will always be Ozzy Osbourne. What’s your favorite kind of science? Genetics. What’s your homeroom? We don't have those in college. If you had to move, where would you move to? Well, my only choice would be to move in with my dad, his wife, and her son. I'm not financially independent. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad. I think. Have you ever read anything written by Shakespeare? I'm not going to include things assigned in schools because everyone had to read like, Beowulf or something similar at some point. I once started to read the full Macbeth (we read a condensed version in school) during a hospital stay, but I didn't finish it. Who’s the cutest person you know? Have you fuckin SEEN Sara when she's excited because- How about the funniest? Girt's funny as fuck. What is your current desktop picture? An adorable meerkat pup looking at the camera al;sdjfal;kjwerads If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I don't know if I'd even want that, but let's just say I was. Maybe... I was gonna say a lioness, because they're high on the food chain, beautiful, and social animals, but yeah I'd prefer to not be poached. Perhaps a house cat. What talent would you like to have? I wish I could draw hyperrealistically. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? I don't make those. What are three songs that mean the most to you? "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, "The Only Exception" by Paramore, and probably "It's Alright" by Mother Mother. What do you think of your parents? I love them. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? I wish with a snap of my fingers I could just make all litter disappear or something like that. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? ... Wow. I actually thought about it, and the first thing my mind drifted to was "go to Jason's just to see he's okay," and I don't like that. We pass his house every day to go to school and come back, and I think it's only natural that I get curious, particularly when his car is there, but I don't want to care. How much cash do you have on you right now? Just a few dollars from Mom to get something from the snack or drink machine from school if I need to. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? Move on. Let go of people. Forgive. How do you measure intelligence? I dunno, how do you? Define the *type* of intelligence. What cartoons do you watch? None actively. Have you ever used drugs? Not illicit ones. Are you into tattoos? *blinks* Do you like photography? I fucking read this as "pornography" first aslkjweoaider. But yeah, I love love love photography. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? The only celebrity I think I've ever seen is Alice Cooper, and it was at a concert. What person in history do you admire most? I don't know enough about any historical figure to really answer this with passion. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? I don't know considering I'm not that daring. Probably a kiss momentarily going too far or something. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Whale sharks lmao. But pregnancy is the biggie. Well, maybe most are to a mild degree at least, idk. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Yeah. Who do you look up to for your style? I don't look up to a certain person. If you were to invent something, what would it be? I don't know off the top of my head and I don't feel like sitting here- OH NO WAIT! Remember that one year deviantART's April Fools prank was that it produced some sort of technology where you could visualize a drawing, and by scanning your finger or some weird shit while you envisioned it, it could produce it on the screen? Yeah, something like that. I'd pay big bucks for something that could put my ideas on paper. Who would you like to get to know better? One of my RP partners that I've known since childhood. She's just extremely private online. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Pork fried rice is my jam. In your opinion, what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? Greed, probably. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Getting over Jason. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Meat. Not for lack of motivation, but health needs. What was the last rumor that you heard? I don't know. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I'm not interested in meeting any. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Overdose. What is the meaning of life? I don't pretend to know anymore. I think everyone gives their life its own meaning based on values, goals, beliefs, etc. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? That's hard, man. Depends on the kind, I guess. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? White Chicks never fails to get me. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? My dad about to molest me. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Merry-go-rounds lmao. Who are your musical influences? This seems like a question for an aspiring musician, which I'm not. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don't know if anyone's ever tried one on me. How many drinks can you handle? I wouldn't really know as I've never reached the point of being drunk, but seemingly quite a few. Weak ones, anyway. If it has a high alcohol concentration, I'm not drinking that shit. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Idk, most of the afternoon or evening. I think one occasion with an old best friend went past five hours. Do you know where you want to go to college? I'm happy at my current college. They care a lot about their students. Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card? Permit, fuck no. School ID, it's alright. What fruit did you last eat? An apple. Aside from yourself, who was the last person to see you naked? My mom. How many classes are you taking? Four, currently. Jumping up to six next semester... though not really by choice. My adviser wants me to have like a safety net by having two classes I CAN drop if I need to, but she's realistic in pointing out that the school path I visualize doable for me will be a VERY slow one and ultimately cost so, so much more money, so she wants to nudge me along as best she can while keeping my limitations in mind. I'm definitely going to try the best I can to do this in four years, but yeah... unlikely. But that's okay to me, so long I get there in not TOO long of a time. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? I don't think so... but I do recall when my older sister was tiny she flushed a little toy truck down the toilet. We had to get a plumber to save it lmao. I think my mom has kept the truck. Are you someone’s best friend? One of hers. Do you have any goldfishes? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? I absolutely hate my sister's dog that for whatever fucking reason lives with Mom and me. Why we keep a dog that does nothing but annoy us and piss us off is a subject of more than frequent arguing. When was the last time you saw hail? I don't know, a long time ago. What color eyes do you prefer: Green or Brown? Green. Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)? Oh yeah. Of my living ones, I call Venus "Miss Venus" and "pretty girl" a whole lot, while Teddy has a whole lot, but mostly "booga," "bub(by)," "boogie," and "Teddy-boo." I just call Roman "butt" a lot, lmao. I don't really have a common one for Mitsu, but I sometimes use "baby girl," I think. Ever been on a boat before? Like, fishing boats. Which is better: Skiing or Snowboarding? I wouldn't know, never tried either. Can you change the oil on a car? I have no clue how. Ever ran out of gas? Not while I myself was driving. I don't even know if I've ever been in the car while that's happened. Favorite kind of sandwich? Most of the time just an 'ole pb&j. Best thing to eat for breakfast? mmmmmmm cinnamon rolls are the GOOD SHIT. Are you horny? Nah. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope. Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Lincoln logs or GET OUT. Are you stubborn? Yeah, most of the time. Are you afraid of heights? YEAH. Ever used a gun? Nooooo and I don't want to. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Idk if the guy who did my school ID card was an actual photographer? I dunno? Ever eat a pierogi? I hate those goddamn pockets of disgust. Favorite type of fruit pie? I dun like pie. I used to be okay with apple, though. Do you believe in ghosts? 110%. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? Yes because our world is just a simulation and it's a glitch- (I'm only semi-kidding btw idk I kinda believe it) Why do you think others get deja-vu? Because our world is just a simulation and it's a glitch- Take a vitamin daily? No. I need to, though. Wear a bath robe? No, I get dressed right after the shower. What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants and a tank top. First concert? Alice Cooper. Outside. During a thunderstorm. Shit was badass. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? Both are ew. I can handle a little bit of peanut better, though. Ever take dance lessons? I grew up taking a lot through middle school and some of high school. I tooook... clogging (I was embarrassingly good at that omg), jazz, modern (my fave), lyrical very briefly 'cuz I am NOT graceful, and hip hop. I always hated the music, but the dancing itself is fun. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No. They can do whatever they aspire to. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Own any record albums? Not anymore, Mom sold them. I wish I had them now, ahhhh. I love 'em. Own a record player? No. Who would you like to see in concert? I am seeing Ozzy next year or I will fucking riot, Metallica, and Rammstein. Many others would be cool, but those are the biggies. I'd love to see Manson and Otep, but their shows are... yeah. They do gross and/or really disrespectful shit. Hot tea or cold tea? THERE ARE SO MANY TEA OR COFFEE QUESTIONS IN SURVEYS but they tend to be different so I just keep them in alsdjf;awe. The usual: I hate tea. Can you swim well? I guess I swim fine? DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ. I want a variety of music. Ever won a contest? A few, don't feel like trying to remember 'em. Ever have plastic surgery? No. Which are better black or green olives? Olives are fucking gross. Best room for a fireplace? Living room. Who was your high school crush? My first was either Sebastian or Kyle. Or Girt. Then Juan, though that crush was questionable if it was serious or not. He really flattered me a lot, but I've told the story before plenty. Idk if the emotion was romantically reciprocated, though honestly I think it was mostly because of his reputation? I only knew him as extremely sweet. BUT ANYWAY, after that, do I even need to say "Jason?" When he came along, whether or not I really liked Juan was totally forgotten. What do you believe happens to us after death? Hell if I know. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. Does the thought of growing old frighten you? More like the thought of my body deteriorating does. Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? um the fuck. I've done it out of heartbreak and pain, but never for my entertainment. What is your favorite song of all time? Of all time, probably "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? Possibly, idk. If you could write a book, what would it be about? Sometimes I wish I could make a series out of the meerkat RP I engage in, but I don't have the motivation or dedication for that. And I wouldn't be comfortable revising our "tribute" characters for the sake of legality and just respect in general. What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? "For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from a Mother Mother song. I'm not exactly small for a human ha ha, but in the scope of the universe perspective, we're all less than microscopic. Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? Not in love, not. Attracted to, yeah. What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? I remember, though it's a tad blurry, the occasion I was having a serious "grieving session" for Jason at Colleen's house, and her sister was there alone with me. She was talking me through it and grabbed my shoulders at one point, looked me dead in the eye, and told me so firmly yet gently how beautiful a person I was and that I deserved the world and more. I won't forget that, like ever. Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? No. What is the thing you are most ashamed of? I've talked about this enough. Well, that or just being a general "this is all your goddamn fault and I am the only victim here" cunt to Jason following the breakup. Actually, yeah, I'm probably more ashamed of that. What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? Hm. Embarrassment? Heartbreak? Love? Idk. Do you think of yourself as a unique person? Yeah, honestly. I mean not incredibly, but unique, yeah. What is a movie from childhood that you loved? I've talked about TLK and Finding Nemo and that kinda stuff a lot, so here's a STUPIDLY underrated one: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron. That movie is fuckin beautiful wtf. Are you afraid of death? Aren't we all at least to a small degree? What are your top three biggest fears, actually? Losing my mom, being raped, and all those I love just abandoning me. Do you have an accent of any kind? You can detect a Southern one sometimes. What do you want to be remembered for? Sending a message of love, especially to animals. Are you currently sad about anything? I am literally permanently sad about my weight, though it's not like, an *active* sadness at this very moment? Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? Three times now. Catholic to Christian to theist. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? MARGARITAS gotDAMN Do you ever talk to yourself? Sure. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? Oh yeah. What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? "Thanks for sending me to the ER again." Fucking bitch. Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? Johnny Got His Gun and The Outsiders. Only read both once. I almost never read a book more than that. Have you ever wished you were from another country? Half the time, especially as an adult, I wish I lived in Canada. What are you thinking about currently? My throat is absolutely killing me and I'm ready to leave school. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? I'm more uncomfortable talking about sex than I used to think. Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? When I'm in the passenger seat controlling the music? Oh my god, Mom, DON'T turn the volume down manually. I can do that on my iPod myself, but can only turn it back UP but so loud as it gets lower by the car itself. She knows I turn it down when we're talking, she is, or we slow down, but she does it anyway sometimes and I get unreasonably annoyed by it. Have you ever seen the ocean? Only the Atlantic. What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? THE FIRST KISS Y'ALL it was fuckin CHEESY but I LOVE IT Do you find yourself confused often? Oh hell yeah. What was the best time of your life? It's so funny to me how I can answer "2017," the very same year I OD'd. That's rapid growth, my friend. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Do you miss any of your exes? I only miss the memories of him. Are you religious? I mean I believe in some ultimate creator, but I don't really like calling myself "religious" anymore. I don't worship it, I don't pray to it. I'm thankful to exist, but that's. It, I guess. ANY entity I would respect wouldn't demand me to kiss its feet. Do you think you are attractive? HELL NO. How many people have you slept with? Do you mean like, as in having sex? One. Slightly fooled around with, two, including the previously-mentioned guy. Do you consider yourself a catch? Besides my looks, I do think I'm a good girlfriend. What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? Honey mustard, actual mustard... that kinda stuff. What do you think you could do to improve your life? Get a goddamn job, I'm just really not capable right now. What song is playing right now? "Hag" by Otep. What is your LJ name? I don't have a LiveJournal. I don't even want to EXIST on the same site with a particular fat-headed, bigoted fuck of a bitch. Holy shit I've nearly made an account multiple times JUST to talk that cunt back to Earth. What was the most recent movie you watched? UHHHHHHHH I don't remember actually. How many times have you got stitches? UHHHH twice or thrice? What are your pets’ species and names? I'm excluding the dog I hate because he's not even "mine." Teddy is a beagle/cocker spaniel/probably something else mix. Roman is a cat mix; he seems to have Siamese or something similar in 'im. Mitsu is a fancy rat. Venus is a champagne ball python. What is your most recent musical crush? Mark is a fucking singer, DON'T EVEN @ ME ABOUT IT. Which is better; immense heat or extreme coldness? God, the latter. I literally can't handle like anything above 70 for even like 10 minutes. It's not just that I find heat uncomfortable, but I sweat to a disgusting degree and get extremely weak, dizzy, and sometimes nauseous. Do you have a disease? Just mental ones. I have at least one physical disorder, but not a disease. Do you like gore? BITCH yes. Especially in art. It's the smell irl I can't really handle, as well as seeing like, human gore, but also exclusively in the real world. It feels too personal and close to home, y'know? Do you stutter? YEP. Name a cool person you have lost touch with? Megan, particularly. Who was the friendliest person you have met on the internet? MAN, I don't know if I could pick!! Maybe uhhhh... Megan again? She was nice to like... everyone. Or Connie for the same reason, and she's also chill as hell. I really don't know, I've met a load of great people. Name a song that is overplayed. I don't listen to the radio, so. What websites do you visit frequently? Kalahari Manor, deviantART, YouTube, Facebook, the Silent Hill wiki to make sure it's not exploding from mental cases again to not make it to fucking video game and horror sites/blogs again, and especially lately, Tumblr. There's more, but those are the regularly frequent ones. Does counting sheep help you fall asleep? Never tried. What is the biggest mystery? Where the universe came from and why.

[marystudies]

A LONG ASS LIST OF TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL: FRESHMAN TO SENIOR YEAR LETS GO

Disclaimer: This is just from my experience, so these might not all apply to you! 

Freshman Year

ok, ok, freshman year can be scary but don’t let that get to you

dont worry about upperclassmen being rude/teasing you 

it’ll most likely happen, but I’ve never seen an upperclassman tease a freshman with the intention to really hurt them

one day you’ll be them so dw

on the topic of upperclassmen, make some older friends!!! (through classes, sports, etc.) it’s so nice to have someone give you tips and help you through high school

dont expect your friend group to stay the same lol

BUT ITS A GOOD THING I PROMISE YOU

I was scared of changing my friend group, so even though I wasn’t being treated too well, it wasn’t until senior year when I really made a change and I wish I did it earlier

be open to meeting new people, everyone is scared just like you and looking for more friends

I don’t think its neccessary for freshman to become sUPER involved in clubs and all that but at least get a feel for whats out there

try out for a sport if you play one!

this goes for all of high school, not just freshman year, but I regret not being as involved as I could’ve been 

Go to school events like football games and dances! School spirit is considered weird in middle school but its cool in high school

take your classes seriously, your teachers are right - high school is much harder than middle school (but it’s not too bad if you stay organized!)

my freshman year GPA was my lowest like english really caught me off guard (properly formatted, 5 paragraph essays being 50% of your grade??? a concept.)

so my cumulative GPA was brought down

I think most freshman don’t have access to AP classes to boost your GPA or anything, but if you’re looking to push yourself take an honors class or 2! (if available)

Sophomore Year

wooohooo ur no longer a freshman

I’d take at least 1 AP class if you can

my sophomore year I took AP Human Geo - which I really loved, and it also wasn’t too hard

a lot of sophomores take AP World which is a BITCH of a class

BUT I wouldn’t recommend taking Honors World because you don’t get the GPA boost, you don’t get college credits (unless you take the AP Euro test or something), and it’s almost just as hard 

this is a bit random - but when you’re taking Algebra 2 (which was my sophomore year) PLS PAY ATTENTION math builds on itself don’t fuck yourself over

take the PSAT if you want (I honestly don’t remember if I took it freshman year too but eh), but seriously its not required

start thinking about college (I know it’s the last thing you want to do)

just little things like

when do I want to take the SAT/ACT?

would I like a small school or a big school?

What will I be able to put on my college applications?

like if you do community service through a club/church/etc then great!!! sports? YEs

can’t think of anything? Join a club! Try out for a sport (it’s not too late) Find something that interests you

you’re probably pretty situated socially now but never be afraid to get to know those classmates/”school friends” better! 

Junior Year

so junior year is commonly thought of as the hardest year of highschool

which is partially true (we’ll get there later)

but anyways, seriously buckle your seatbelt and get ready to work your ass off because THIS YEAR COUNTS, LADIES AND GENTS

Take AP classes if available

I took AP Psych (WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and Honors PreCalc (coming from regular Algebra 2)

Psych gave me college credit and a GPA boost

HPC gave me a GPA boost for UCs 

It was a bitCH of a class but it made AP calc a breeze 

If you haven’t started already, start prepping for SAT/ACT and then take them

tutoring is very helpful, but it can be expensive

I’ve seen studyblrs post about free prep through Kahn Academy and other stuff, so you might have to do a bit of digging but there are tons of resources out there

TAKE PRACTICE TESTS

take one of each first - then focus on the test you did better on 

one of my biggest regrets is taking SAT prep instead of ACT prep because my ACT (which I didn’t do specialized prep for) ended up equivalent to my SAT (which I did prep for)

the more you take em the better you get

Studyblr is gr8 for finding test taking tips

If you’re not happy with your score, just take it again! I only took each one once but most people improve their scores if they take it again

I recommend visiting a few universities when you’re on break! Get a feel for what you like and what you don’t like (size, location, public/private, etc) and what kind of school you could get accepted to

you don’t want to end up applying to a billion schools that you wouldn’t even want to go to

private schools like it when you express interest by visiting

so if you’re visiting, make sure you check in so you can be in their system 

END OF JUNIOR YEAR - ASK FOR LETTERS OF REC NOW! BY THE FIRST WEEK OF SENIOR YEAR A LOT OF TEACHERS ARE ALREADY TAKING ON TOO MANY LETTERS!

Senior Year (buckle up this section is the longest)

but YAY UR A SENIOR 

DO FUN SENIOR YEAR THINGS like my school has all kinds of events for seniors and it’s so great 

Remember when I said junior year is the hardest? Yeah well no... 1st semester senior year is SO MUCH WORSE ur in for a lot of fun

Ok seriously - don’t let senioritis get to you first semester

Still take challenging classes! Schools are looking for progression in difficulty

Those mid year transcripts REALLY DO MATTER! 

College apps, man

Make sure you’re communicating with your counselor to make sure you have everything ready and on track 

like file the FAFSA and CSS (used for lots of privates)

tbh I didn’t think it would help me a lot but it (the CSS) actually did so just do it even if you think you’ll get nothing

Ok so hopefully at this point you have a feel for what schools you are interested in

Things to consider: location, price, size, public/private, difficulty of the application, ranking, program/major you are applying to, campus, overall vibe

I didn’t do any interviews but maybe look into it

Don’t get too comfortable and set reasonable goals - apply to several safety schools, a few good options/could go either way schools, but also a few “reaches”

ESSAYS

I’m no college counselor, but don’t just wing your essays without having an adult/professional look over them

I got lucky - my mom is a professional writer so my family didn’t pay for a counselor

Do your research - you can find so much information about what schools are looking for in essays

If an essay is “optional” DO IT it’s really not optional lol

Keep in mind - these essays are nothing like what you’ve been taught. You don’t have to (and often SHOULDNT) write a 5 paragraph essay with topic sentences relating back to the thesis and evidence, etc. its much more free

think “What is the story I am going to tell?”

get creative - this is hard and takes some time

Think: How am I going to separate myself from thousands of applicants? What is a story that ONLY I can tell?

DO EARLY ACTION FOR AS MANY SCHOOLS AS POSSIBLE!!! 

such a relief to knowing you got in somewhere in like,,,, november

acceptance rates are higher for EA 

the order from highest to lowest is ED > EA > RD

Early Decision scares me (schools will say they give equal scholarship consideration but lol thats a lie) 

but if you have your heart set on a school go ahead

apply to other school just in case, you don’t want to get stuck starting all your apps when a lot of students have already turned them all in

Now that you’re done with applications (whew), the acceptances (and rejection) will start coming!! yay!

ok first for acceptances

those first acceptances are so cool like YAY YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE IM PROUD OF U

as soon as you get your first acceptances really start researching the school more and deciding if you’d REALLY want to go there or not

i know this is hard bc you haven't heard back from all your schools but it’ll make choosing a school so much easier

sadly, not all acceptances are happy tho

like I got accepted to my #1 school but they gave me no money so it was impossible to go

I was so emo for a couple days there

BUT! If you’re serious about it, try appealing for financial aid but keep your expectations low

ok now waitlists

these can be a bit nerve wracking

PLEASE apply for the waitlist right away

at some schools if you dont within a couple days, your application might get thrown out

aaaaand rejections

i dont have a lot to say about this but please dont be too hard on yourself

sometimes its just not meant to be and thats ok!

NOW PICKING A COLLEGE

def the most difficult and mentally draining part for me lol

make sure you really map out everything to consider

net cost (tuition, room & board, books, travel, personal expenses, etc.), size, location, etc.

I personally had this idea that I’d end up at a big school far from home but I’m going to a small school close to home and I’m still super excited!!! So make sure you give every school a second look 

APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS!

the essays aren’t usually too bad and sometimes you can just rework your college app essays

you can find them online, your school might have some (like PTA scholarships, band scholarships, etc.)

ok this is the time everyone really gets senioritis

i almost didn’t get senioritis at all lol just because slacking off stressed me out

but please be smart about it dont get rescinded 

and lastly have fun! high school really does fly by, it’ll be over before you know it

[the-uptake]

Something-Something Full Empty

The Uptake, The world was beginning to fluoresce into wounds. Book 2, Chapter 3. Go to previous. I never said ‘Choly was a rational creature. TWs: Poisoning, attempted lust suicide, symphorophilia minutiae, hard emeto, joint trauma.

_________________________________

Leaving Cecil to sleep, 'Choly rolled off the mattress into the floor, and stood again. With damp hair, he walked on his knees over to the microwave perched on a cardboard box. From one of the food boxes in the floor, he pulled a food-meal bar. In his horridly over-loved armchair, he peeled down the wrapper and ate quietly, washing down the pebbly, vaguely flavored junk with the rest of his room temperature vodka coffee from earlier. His face soured. Neither the bar nor the coffee revolted him individually--but those of more frail constitutions should not consume them together. But, he persisted toward polishing off the easy-access, high-protein substance that would help soak up a bit of his encroaching hangover without waking his boyfriend.

While he snacked with the reader in his lap, legs up with his feet up in the seat with him, he continued browsing for more Wolfrin information. He’d most likely find Wolfrin in the Quarter somewhere on Level 1, since Levels 2 and 3 saw less chemical dumping and more solids. And he could most likely slip past EPA’s barricades near where the buildings functioned as support columns for the downtown off ramp from the Bayonne Bridge.

A morsel fell off the bar down his tank top, and he fished it out and ate it absently.

Drafting a mental laundry list trapped him in a loop of thought for a spell. No matter how much either of them wished it, ‘Choly genuinely had almost zero experience with chasing verbot--or truffling, for that matter--and this whole thing smacked of ridiculous parody. He tossed the bar wrapper in the waste bin under the TV tray. It had crushed him in a very real way that night, to finally admit his financial infirmities to Cecil, and despite Cecil’s supportive response to the confession, in this forming illicit act existed an opportunity to prove that 'Choly deserved his admiration.

His peculiar spontaneity had attracted Cecil, hadn’t it? The dreg glanced down at the fresh tattoo on his right forearm, a simple clean monochrome style, a triangular sigil divided by an inverted ray of swords. He took another drink, and sighed. Ink excited his boyfriend, an indicative tongue of rebellious fire which imparted its language upon the skin. He’d gotten the design at encountering Cecil’s enthusiasm (the librarian himself porting two intricate tattoo sleeves), and had come close to touching up his dye job. It felt so... fake, as though he couldn’t trust his identity to hold up to scrutiny should it meet any. He’d lived his life surrounded by verbot, but he wasn’t really a chaser.

But he could chase. Couldn’t he? Certainly a sorter could wander off the cadre floor in pursuit of the black market lifelines that pulsed out from it. That’s how he found the hard drive in the first place, after all. Sorter 101: test all data technologies for improper disc wipes. But, to step out of the cadre and into the yards... That was another creature entirely.

He checked his messaging service one more time for Revenant. When he still found his friend offline, he hovered over the username to see he’d last logged in thirteen days ago. Rev usually stayed logged on, bare minimum away or idle, and ‘Choly took notice just how long it had been since his friend had last logged on. He reassured himself with the affirmation that if Rev couldn’t be raised to join in the fun, that he’d just have to play catch-up later. But...

You’d never really do that.

‘Choly shifted to slouch to one side in the chair, then immediately to the other. He bit at his centred labret ring. The thing is, he would really do that. Abandon help him, should he ever locate any of the Geek’s... elephant’s feet he described in coitus not an hour before. In the past, only the barrier of reality and proximity had ever stopped him from acting on any of these impulses. Substances which could transfigure someone beyond the human condition simply had not existed, and now they existed, and they existed in his city. A twisting radiochemical kismet had manifested a new and unexplored realm of potential metagenesis, and he couldn’t deny her.

There was a chance he could, in the attempt to mod the system, brick it. But, the risks that came with unprecedented payout only heightened the appeal. Everything about the attempt, he calculated beforehand, arcane and obscene in its own right. Every article, every action, held in it a certain power over him. In that moment of machination, the fantasy-becoming-reality seized him to his core.

He outright lacked compunction for any real safety in the endeavor--only ritual and circumstance had a home in him tonight. The only industrial gear he owned was his BLT, likely his most expensive belonging. Inlaid with backlighting and translucent digital display, the curved clear acrylic full-face visor-tech provided its wearer a customized vision aid and variably hands-free Web access. Sorters predominantly had them for jotting invoice notes, and some models even had edges outfitted with inline respirator film which could filter e-waste dust particulate. His visor and cutout work gloves would suffice to brave the hazardous waste quarantine. Not that any of that mattered once he got to the prize.

A subtle rummage through the pile of clothing beside the bed netted him a black t-shirt, his hybrid denim skinnies, and a pair of socks. Donning the change of clothes, he swallowed his nerves, then slicked down his bangtails to either side of his face and put on his BLT halo over them and pulled down the glass. Cecil had not yet stirred a bit, and as the pale chartreuse visor calibrated to his prescription, ‘Choly smiled to himself in a distant ache that crawled into anticipation.

With the visor running, he could then strap on his black work boots and confirm the contents of his clear sidebag: his glasses, in the off chance the visor acted up, and chapstick, wallet of cardkeys and cred, and his reader. A variety of smuggling vessels had graced his fantasies, but carried off-site in a see-through bag, no success seemed so viable as with his tippling cane. He shivered as he put on his slim knee-length coat just thinking about following through with it, and grabbing his cane from the umbrella stand, slipped out of the apartment unnoticed.

Not many buses ran this late at night going down from Level 5, and he appreciated the bone conduction nodes in the halo of his BLT to burn the good next half hour waiting at the bus stop with music. Favoring the organic shoegaze loaded in his reader with cubes, he resisted the compulsion to stream music to save bandwidth. Once his ride arrived, the lonely transit passed quickly with no stops along the way, and he continued scheming and re-scheming the exact minutiae of his task uninterrupted.

He got off on Level 3. After a certain hour, the free public lifts charged a third-cred per level, and he happily resigned to waving his toll pass upon entry to the empty lift to fork over the full cred it would cost. Upon stepping foot off the lift at Level 1, he turned off his music and focused fully on his errand.

The residential sector of the Quarter came alive at sunset with the typical ambient discord of various yelling. It struck an unusual chord in the stalker, to descend to ground level by lift to find the stalking yards themselves so eerily silent, accompanied only by the sound of his limp gait. Bustling traffic aped distantly above him against the solipsistic dimensions of the area. Passing by some blocks, he heard the occasional dripping, or the echo of vehicles in reverse. Subconsciously, he knew the latter meant more waste dumping belied the quarantine, for its inhabitants to discover come morning.

‘Choly savored entering a space the federal officials had declared unsafe, and that his low-grade BLT filtration would likely only do so much. No accounting for air quality in a place like this, after all. Stalkers had reasons they didn’t even eat in their own homes, and only dined in the commercial district abutting it. Yet, federal bullying had instated this quarantine, this exclusion zone. The stalkers hadn’t asked for this. They’d never asked for any of this. Even just a year ago, he’d have met no resistance venturing where he did now; but tonight, he remained vigilant for EPA employees who might try to stop him.

First, the government had to deny him the right to grafting by banning the splicing drug Vekarix before medicine had advanced far enough to permit more than just mammal, marsupial, and reptile compatibility. Bullshit insect politics. He still sometimes regretted trying to be patient, now that he couldn’t even settle on something lesser. But now, with the Wolfrin, the government sought to deny him the right to knot up his genetics like some kind of saccharine, fractal klein bottle. They were his genes, and he wouldn’t have it to let them tell him what he could and couldn’t do with them.

The dreg did his best to skirt a different path, anytime he noticed generator spotlights or vehicles that stood out as non-native. At a dead end just Southwest of the residential area fashioned from abandoned factory buildings, he glanced out over the waterfront reflecting the lights of higher levels, and steeled himself. The loose quarantine of all three lowest Levels started at 87th Street and extended just past 99th down through the foundations of the Bayonne Bridge, from the shores of Newark Bay to the West all the way East to Route 440. Almost the entire Quarter, but not quite. He embarked across the street, and with buildings only to one side, not even the sound of his cane accompanied him, replaced by the waterfront current. A yard cordoned off with caution tape greeted him. Unlike the typical chemical dumping yard, rather than scattered unceremoniously, hundreds of drums had been arranged neatly, as though sorted by contents. Two figures in white hazmat suits guarded the locked fence, so he wandered the perimeter until he found a point at which the rust of fluctuating water levels had peeled the chain-link wires from the support pipe. He could not feasibly scale the fence, so through the narrow gap in it he went.

He had a lot of reasons to avoid truffling.

Only limited but effective use of generator spotlights illuminated this particular yard, set on key haystacks of drums. He looked side to side in awe. A combination of water and a saturation of leaking chemicals thickened the damp soil, which possessed an ungodly industrial stench that cut through even the BLT filters and thrilled ‘Choly wild. The elements had rusted off the labels of many of the drums, their contents now unknown without cracking them open. These contents, for many of them, had trickled from cracks and crusted upon their exteriors. He licked his lips eagerly with a knitted brow, at the thought of the technicolor landscape this must have been by broad daylight.

Distracted by near-synesthesia, his cane sank in too deep in the slurried soil and compromised his footing. He stumbled and planted face-first in the noxious mud, and his cane resounded against a drum. The two on-duty EPA workers immediately approached to investigate the potential for an intruder, and he panicked at hearing the gates open. The muck smearing his visor blinded him, and though he grappled for his cane and kicked at the mud in vain, attempts to stand only successfully doused himself further in noxious muck. Tears streaking hot, he planted a filthy gloved palm flush to his mouth under his BLT at the awareness he’d hyperextended his knee in the fall. Adrenaline propelled him to a hiding place in the middle of an arrangement of drums. A stink that reminded of battery acid enveloped him. Deer-eyed, he raked mud from his visor and crouched in a mixture of agony and intensity, and watched as the beams of two flashlights cased the area. One guard ultimately informed the other that the sound must have been a drum giving into chemical pressure, and that they’d investigate more thoroughly once they had the daylight, and then they returned to their post outside the gate.

Once alone again, ‘Choly tried to stand back up, this time forced to rely on his cane with a fully bad-off leg. He unzipped his coat a bit and took a mouthful of fabric between his teeth from the shoulder of his shirt, and bore down hard on the leg to reset it. Stifling a scream into a viscous nasal sputter, he ended up biting through the garment. He only consciously ignored the taste of mud, shock-induced drooling joining the mess of substances splattered and smeared on him. Vacuously he wiped his mouth with the back of his glove, and continued onward.

He stopped at one cordoned off haystack of drums, eyeing how the leakage glowed a furious antifreeze green in the moonlight. Though the precise and biting stench of rotten flowers, he couldn’t pinpoint the metallic odor. He stood there for some time in slack disbelief how easily he had arrived here. Surely this substance had caused all the media chaos. Trembling, he held up the tape with his cane and skimmed the faces of the drums for what little details remained. He squinted at faded white ink on glossy black surfaces. 1,4-dimethyl-2,3-fluoro-dieldrin. Before tonight, he’d known it only by a handful of trade names. Drinaflux. Wolfrin. Fluxeldrin. Though it did not appear notably caustic, the drums leaked from bluish iridescent crystalline scabs. He couldn’t read the warning diamond save the 4 on the blue health field.

He whet his lips and in both hands gripped the lever-locked ring poorly securing the lid to the open-head drum. He nearly doubled over it, enraptured by proximity, and licked at his teeth with a sneering, ragged breath. He hinged up his visor in favor of leaving as little between him and the experience of the prize, and he wafted readily of the nauseous and overwhelmingly metallic bouquet of the corrosion-halo. The stuff pooled around his uneven footprints from other adjacent drums. He frowned to unstick himself from the soft shoreline sediment so he could begin his work with surer footing.

‘Choly unscrewed the handle of his cane and tucked it in one coat side pocket, then carefully shook out all four glass vials it could carry and deposited them in the opposite pocket. He did not think to bring mechanical tools with him, and no amount of prying dislodged the lever of the corroded lid-ring. The attempt did, however, coax a crack to leak more readily, and he hurriedly unscrewed a vial to catch the liquid serendipity as it dripped out. Once filled, he slid the resealed vial into the cane, then followed with another.

Caught up in the delirium of success and fumes, he lost reality long enough not to recognize the workers approached on another perimeter scouting. Frantic at the wet smack of their heavy footsteps, he cried in desperation that the chemical wouldn’t pour any faster. He couldn’t leave without a full empty--he couldn’t. The two guards grabbed him and dragged him back as he shakily reaffixed the handle of his cane.

“You punk! Abandon you doin’ in here?”

“I--”

“This place’s giftwrapped with yellow tape for a reason, kid.”

“I-- I’m not--” He modulated his breathing. “I had t’see for myself the slag’s goin’ on. That’s the stuff, yeah? That’s what’s makin’ everybody sick as sin.” He tried to wag a finger at the haystack, but met silence as each guard hooked one of his arms in one of theirs, insisting his exit. “Hh-- hey! Answer me!”

The two workers tossed him out into the street. His cane clattered to the pavement and his bag crunched beneath him. He curled into himself after impact, and stared at his cane as dead-still as he could from where he lay coddling his knee and seething through his teeth.

“Abandon’s wrong with that kid.” The two of them returned inside the fence and locked it. “Obviously got health problems. The cane and all. Still climbing all over a yard like this. In the dark.”

“That’s a Stalker for you, man.” The other scoffed at ‘Choly, but after that their conversation fell too distant to overhear.

He sniffed away the mucus and twitched, aching all over and encrusted in chemical-saturated mud. Once he’d recovered enough from the fall, he reclaimed his prize. Disbelief stole his breath, of what he’d managed, his eyes thrown wide with delight. Holy slagging shit. It worked.

With bated breath, he sat up and pulled into his lap his cane, and his bag from under him. Unzipping the bag, he inspected the reader with relief, only to learn the crunch had been his glasses. A detached grope at his BLT pulled the visor back down with lighthearted resignation. He stood again to limp away before the workers had second thoughts about just letting him walk away. If the glasses were the only loss tonight, he’d succeeded in spades.

As he shambled along the dilapidated block, ‘Choly gawked at the cane he carried rather than used, in too much shock from his stupid success to ease his horrendous limp. He slipped into an alleyway once outside the quarantine proper, and leaned against a brick wall to catch his breath and rest his bad leg. If he ever slagged up a knee, it was the left one, wasn’t it. The sheer rush of the experience alone dampened the pain--but without fail, he’d more than feel it come morning.

He slid down the wall and sat. The impact of hitting the concrete might have shattered any of the flasks, and he scrambled to unscrew the handle back off to expose its contents. This expedited consequence agitated his aches to the surface at last. He shook out the vials one at a time, and set them in his lap with each confirmed in tact. Most of the chemical’s bizarre glow had faded, the stuff now more resembling the glaze of antifreeze on pavement. He gritted his teeth with a ragged breath and sniffed what had escaped the threads of the cap, to a gag reflex. The bouquet of rotten cut flowers had only intensified. He put the cautious tip of his tongue to the edge of the cap, and recoiled in a delighted revulsion at the mere taste.

Here and now, ‘Choly had to follow this idiotic series of bad ideas through to completion. He couldn’t take it home, to partake in private. Cecil would try to talk him out of it.

The copper cast of the nearest street light lay too far away from him for benefit. In the dark, he pulled out his reader and initialized his flashlight again to survey the site of his metagenesis. At this point he realized his battery had sunk to a sliver--he’d written for some time before coming down here. Too, he’d inadvertently left on his data all the while he’d researched his crown-stuffs--checking his usage statistics, he’d run out of non-Web data altogether, including minutes. He’d soon have no artificial light in the privacy of the alley, and if this went badly, he couldn’t call for help. He hadn’t even told anyone where he’d gone. Not that he had any reception from where he sat in the dank space between the two once-warehouses. The possibility he’d be helpless to the chemical’s aftermath only excited him further. It would have full control over him until it finished with him.

He swallowed hard, the oiliness of the glass tube an entirely too-pleasant sensation. It felt bitter. The chemical adopted that strange characteristic glow again, presumably from the temperature of skin contact. He emptied his splints and gloves into his bag along with his reader, allowing the dim glow of the metagen in his lap to light his endeavor.

Metagen. His mind reeled with the thought of his body wrecked asunder and rebuilt in another design. He wondered how instantaneous metagenesis might be, what method most fast-acting. From the start he hadn’t planned on having enough of the stuff to go with skin contact, so he proceeded with ingestion. He’d be the first to undergo metagenesis by drinking Wolfrin. Would he turn out as well, or even better than, the Geek? How many metahumans had this stuff even created? He’d soon join them. He unscrewed a flask and pocketed the cap, locked in metaskepsis, then let his nostrils drink deep of Wolfrin’s suppurate stink. He held it to his lips, and licked what the wet threads had transferred onto them, and he choked a bit on the potency of the rotten, metallic taste of the stuff, even more biting than the smell. His nose crinkled at the initial experience to steel himself, and he went bottoms-up.

Reflexively, he flung the flask across the alley. It shattered on the concrete. His hands shot to his mouth, eyes and nostrils watering as he immediately choked on vomit. His writhing echoed in the empty space, and he grew delirious on potential consequences. The entire length of his throat burned. He barely managed to down a second flask. The Wolfrin now coated his stomach lining. Another attempt at upheaval seized him up, and a moan shook deep in his lungs. Rhetoric only spurred him further, and he blindly grasped to cup himself through tears, his grip so weak between infirmity, illness, and exhaustion. Stifling a third dry heave, he drained the third flask, and the fourth chased quickly after. He blacked out as the toxins took hold, the delirious onset of an Erebus of nightmares. He dreamed himself melting to all abandon to soak into the asphalt, that he dissolved in entirety before reduced to atoms then recompiled by the catalytic substance he’d imbibed.

The city awoke before he did. After daybreak he sat up, shaky, and rubbed his head scruff with a groan. Clammy all over, he shuddered from a coating of morning mist and dust. He eventually noticed the blood splatter on the ground beside where he’d laid, and automatically wiped his nose and mouth. He didn’t pair the observation to the action until he saw the back of his hand, and snapped awake in arousal. Though his head reverberated with a lead-deep ache, his entire body throbbed to its tempo, and he writhed.

He knew Cecil would be livid with him for this--but he’d acclimate to having a meta around, wouldn’t he? The notion had him face-down in his blood spill in an instant, running his fingertips through its dark, still-damp stain.

“Oh slag--” he ground even more insistently against the ground, “--his meta. Gonna be-- hiS META--”

Nausea overwhelmed him again, and he coughed a spatter of blood. The clamminess, he realized, came more from a sick sweat, but this only aroused him further. The last thing he imagined before passing out again was his body in wretched, retching upheaval as it rejected everything it had rendered obsolete.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 7

“Wait, you're flying to New York and then straight back the next day..for a painting? Really? Come on Jay, even for a quick lay, which is probably the real reason you're going back, that's just ridiculous! No wait, it's not, I'd do the same if it was Sean, we had the most amazing night..” Shayla got lost in her daydream “Anyway,..Is she nice? Come on, you can tell me!” she plopped down next to him on the bed, patting his leg. “Oh no no, no details of you and Sean, thank you very much! And she's not a quick lay..” Jared got up but Shayla cut him off, “Ha! 'she' so it is a girl!” and clapped her hands, “oh shut the fuck up! So what if the artist is a woman? Were you born in the dark ages?” he snapped as he zipped up his bag “besides I've never seen her or spoken to her, we're only corresponding by e-mail”. Shayla cocked her head “e-mail? Really? How old is she? 70? talk about the dark ages” she huffed, rolling her eyes, “for the last time, Shayla, get your mind out of the gutter for once, this is business, now let's go see if we have a LED- wall or not, and make sure my bag gets to the airport tonight” this bubblehead really had no idea, 70? whatever! A breath of fresh air with immense talent that's what Coco was, could this day be over and done with so he could get on that plane? He had a blind date...no no no..not a blind date, just a date with someone he had never seen before, how oldskool was that? Oldskool and so refreshing in this day and age of selfies, social media and instant gratification! “Will you just focus? Fuck's sake” Harper yelled at herself, and let her brush fall in frustration, the fuck was going on? She hadn't been able to concentrate on anything all day, just step away from the painting before you fuck it up completely, call him, get it the fuck out of your system and just CALL him! Yeah, that was exactly what she was gonna do! A loud crack as she jumped off the scaffolding, maybe next time if she was lucky she would break her neck! No, nope, no wallowing, ok now what? She shuffled around the table, like she was doing some sort of rain dance, eyeing the phone with a disgust on her face, will you just do it? What are you? A woman or a mouse? Before she could think about what she was doing, the phone was against her ear, but before it rang she pulled it away again and disconnected the call..would he know? That she called? pouring herself a cup of coffee, she sat down at her table, staring at the phone that she twirled around with one hand while she sipped her coffee slowly.

From: HCDeRobanio

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Life is no pony camp

Joe,

Are you happy, Joe? I don't mean the average 'yeah I'm ok' kind of happy, but the genuine, deeply rooted in your gut kind of happy that washes over you at least once a week when you stop and see or do something that makes you think: “I am utterly and deeply happy and content with what or who I have in my life or who I am” kind of happy? Does that feeling actually exist? Or is it just a chemical reaction in your brain, kinda like all these endorphines and what not that create a runner's high? Are you where you want to be in life, Joe? Bouddhists say that life's a journey, but I think I've missed a turn somewhere along the way, to me life is a free fall from birth till death and there are no safety nets, all you can do is hope that you stumble across people who'll break your fall, do you have people like that in your life? Who break your fall once in a while? I hope you do..

I'm sorry for all this ranting, but my trust in humankind is at an all time low (I just tried to call my Dad but I chickened out, we don't have what you could call a healthy relationship, he just cut me out of his will, well not his will, although I'm sure I'm out of that too, I've got a letter saying he's cutting me off financially while I never got any support from him, not financially and definitely not emotionally, long story, bla bla, the black sheep of the family, rebelled against everything my family stood for while my older sister is the apple of my father's eye with her 500 kids and being the perfect housewife..bleggghh not interesting at all) so I can't begin to tell you how much I look forward to meeting you..I just feel I can trust you!

Maybe I've been inhaling too many paintfumes and that's probably why I'm in this funk I'm in, so I'm gonna get something to eat and then it's off to bed and then tomorrow I'll see you! Yay!

Have a safe flight!

P.S. I'll have your painting all wrapped by tomorrow, ok?

Regards

Furious Coco

“Got everything? Your bag is on the plane, hotel is booked..so, I'll see you in a day or three, ok? Or probably sooner if she turns out to be really ugly and 70 after all” Shayla handed him his carry-on and tickets with a giggle, “whatever Shayla, just make absolutely sure I get my daily updates , alright? And keep Shannon in the loop will ya? You've got the details of the promoter too, right?” Jared tried to connect all the dots, happy thoughts on, control freak off. “Will you just go, I've got everything under control here” she sighed as Jared followed her stare and turned to see Sean standing there, grinning at her beside the car parked on the tarmac. “Just don't get too distracted, ok? I don't want to be looking for a new PA when I get back” he mumbled at her and then turned on his heels and hopped on up the steps of the private jet. 'Beep' and his heart skipped a beat, he hadn't been able to send her an answer to her last e-mail all day, but he had 8 hours to read, re-read and answer her e-mails, if anyone ever prayed for wifi on a plane then it was him right now.

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re: Life is no pony camp

Coco,

I'm high above the clouds right now..I'm on my way to see you..in 8 to 10 hours or so..excited much? I sure am!

Ah, Daddy issues (not meant in a kinky way), I don't know if I'm the one to talk about stuff like that, I mean, I grew up without my actual father (I did have and still have a wonderful father figure though) so I don't really know or have experience with these kind of issues. I just thought of something, correct me if I'm wrong, but is that older man in your painting your Dad? I think I understand the ripped out heart and the sown up lips now..

I'll say this one thing though: your Dad is a real wanker if he cuts off his own flesh and blood, why don't you discuss this with me in detail tomorrow?

Ha no, I'm not the CEO of M&M's, I am the CEO of a couple of companies that are completely built around my dreams, and it's exactly those dreams that take me around the world. So yeah, I guess the answer to your question is that I'm a happy man, even though my job takes its' toll on my personal life..even though I'm surrounded by people almost every second of every day, I too can feel so alone in a crowd, not many people get me..except for you! I'm already dreading the day I have to fly back to Europe even if I haven't met you yet..

Listen to me, you're not a sheep, you're not a pony, you're totally unique! And on that thought I'm going to sleep away the couple of hours that seperate us so I'm not jetlagged out of my head in the city that never sleeps, which I hope you're doing too right now and sweet dreams are chasing those angry cobwebs in your head away.

Regards

Joe

Jared 1 – Shayla 0! 70? where did that silly assistant of his get those ideas from? Coco was young enough to still have a father, and old enough to have her own career and be his peer, but what had struck him was that rebellious streak he loved so much, a 'go-against-the-grain' kinda girl/woman, just the way he liked them! E-mail sent, goodnight Europe! Hello New York in a couple of hours, but first sleep, so he was on top of his game for when they were finally eye to eye.

This? Or maybe that top on those oversized pants with the camouflage print? Wait, what about a dress? Really? When you haven't worn one in years? Why conform to something as ridiculous as society's opinion on what women were supposed to wear? She put the dress back on the rack, today was all about being herself, feeling comfortable in what she wore was of the essence on this day where things were more than likely going to be awkward. What time was it? 1PM, time for a shower, get dressed and get on her way. The wheels of the plane finally connected with the tarmac, New York was dreary and windy, great, hoodie weather was his favorite season anyway, everybody dressed better as soon as the temperature dropped, there simply was more mistery, more to guess instead of more too see. What time was it? The screen of his phone remained dark, what?..no, no way, no more juice, fuck!. “The Bowery Hotel, please” he mumbled at the driver as he hopped in the waiting car, 2 o'clock, alright, time enough to charge this frikking phone and take a shower. Battledress pants, her sturdy Dr. Martens on her feet, a band T-shirt, hoodie and her leather bikerjacket, she looked at her reflection in the window of the moving train, all the paint neatly scrubbed away, except for the eyeliner, bright red lipstick and her nails painted black, her signature colour. 'Times Square Station', right, she got up and stepped off the train right in the hussle and bussle of the subway station, up the stairs where New York was raging. Rain, nice, she quickly pulled her hoodie up as she checked the time, 3PM, alright, more than enough time for a coffee to calm her rattling nerves. Within an hour, it was all gonna happen, what was she gonna say when he arrived? 'Hi, I'm Coco', “Hi, I'm Harper Coco', no Coco was better, 'nice to meet you', 'so we finally meet', she caught herself rehearsing her introduction, and giggled at her own silliness as she walked inside Starbucks.

[giocallnepil1975-blog]

Redicoyote 5 points submitted 13 days agoI think fans understand good storytelling and had higher hopes for Voltron and they were rightfully disappointed with it when it wasn delivered. They aren afraid to criticise the story telling and we I agree with them: a lot of voltron was wasted potential. Everything in a story is meant to be purposeful but voltron is just not consistent.. A little anecdote: my husband and I were at a Fry's Electronics last week searching for a new movie to watch, and we found a 장흥출장마사지 copy of your movie (The Endless). We tried to buy it, and the cashier said "I can't sell this to you it's not released yet, sorry!" We thought he was messing with us, but he wasn't, which sucks because we were excited about it based off the description and online reviews. So that brings us to the question: how could you make such an intriguing and elusive movie???? Can you move up the release date????. At the Core of Cambodian Khmer Wedding The Three Jewels of BuddhismCambodian Khmer consider 3 to be an especially auspicious number because of its association with the "three jewels" of Buddhism: the Buddha, the Sangha (brotherhood of monks), and the Dhamma (the Buddha's teachings). Thus, the 3 day wedding celebration. But, nowadays, many in the urban areas have shortened the ceremony to just 1 day and a half for all the ceremonies that have to be performed. I looked up and saw a neighbor mint 1968 Pontiac Bonneville parked on the side of the road and I was about 10 feet away from it and going maybe 30 35 mph. Had I looked up any later I would plowed right into it. I can even fathom what that would have done to my life. I was thinking the same thing. My Jack Russel would poach them. He would sit silently over the hole, sometimes for hours and wait for them to pop their heads up. That being said, I'm a strong advocate 장흥출장마사지 for getting your hands on as many art history textbooks as possible. Survey textbooks are considered objective sources, but I find (especially with this subject) that a lot of subjectivity slips through. If you can, you might look into getting a copy of each. My wife struggles with those things too. She doesn have fibromyalgia, but other health issues with depression. And she knows from experience that when she regularly works out, it helps not only her health but also her depression a lot. I definitely not rich and I building a safety net. I went to a University for a semester, decided it wasn for me (too expensive and a waste of the money), went to a tech college (MUCH cheaper and career focused), and I soon going to graduate. I recently got a job in my vocation and I working my way to financial independence. Yeah, especially for a woman. Some of that is probably water retention if you're working out harder than before, and if you're eating more, a bit is likely to be fat as well. But definitely take measurements so you know what's up! Don't feel bad you're on top of it now at 5 lbs, it's no big deal, and you can adjust your intake as needed. It's often assumed that many women wear makeup to attract men, but history is full of examples of men who weren't entranced by the made up look. The ancient Roman poet Martial wrote to a woman who wore cosmetics, "You are but a composition of lies No man can say, I love you, for you are not what he loves, and no one loves what you are" [source: Etcoff]. And ancient Romans and Greeks weren't the last men to complain of women tricking them with artificial means: In 1770, British Parliament passed a law that made wearing makeup a crime akin to witchcraft.

[goldira01]

After an incredibly disappointing year in 2018, Bitcoin woke from hibernation in early April 2019 and rallied with vengeance toward a yearly all-time high at $13,800. Alas, all good things must come to an end and such was the case for Bitcoin as price became overextended and began to retrace. 

Bitcoin’s current malaise in the $7,800 to $8,500 range has produced a variety of price estimates on where the digital asset might go as the 2020 Bitcoin halving event approaches. This week Cointelegraph spoke to veteran trader and Bitcoin expert Tone Vays to prod his brain about the current state of Bitcoin and his thoughts on the future of the digital asset. 

Bitcoin price

filbfilb: Tone, it feels like a bit of deja-vu; you’ve been calling for a descending triangle breakdown and here we are again. Last time it resulted in Bitcoin completing an 85% retracement of the parabolic advance into the low $3,000s.  

A similar breakdown this time would put us back at around $5,000 which isn’t too far from the triangle breakdown target. So with this said, where do you think we are heading?

Tone Vays: I think we are headed for the low $7,000 area but if that area cannot reverse the price quickly and we consolidate there the way we are now doing in the low $8,000s then $5,000 becomes a reasonable and likely target.

FF: Do you think it’s possible we could head even lower to new 2019 lows?

TV: Yes, I am one of the few that have never trusted this run-up to $14,000 and felt it was not organic even though my good friend Willy Woo is able to explain it from a fundamental perspective of on-chain volume. I give it a 20% chance that we fall back to the low $3,000 area or even make new lows for a short period of time.

FF: What is your price expectation for the end of this year?

TV: I think the price will be around $7,500 to $8,000 at year-end but rising into that area. However, these year-end predictions only have two outcomes. Being praised for a good guess, or being made fun of for being wrong. This is what I’m thinking this moment, tomorrow it might change.

BTC/USD Daily Chart. Source: TradingView

Block reward halving

FF: I would like to ask your view on the block reward halving due to occur next year. There seems to be a new-found consensus that the Stock-to-flow modeling which implies that there is a direct correlation between a reduction in the inflation rate and price increase over time confirms that Bitcoin might be worth $100,000 sometime after the halving event. What is your view on the model? is it useful?

TV: I do like the Stock-to-Flow modelling, it makes sense but on a longer-term scale, I do not see it being useful to analyze bitcoin in the short term as its price discovery is dominated by speculators in an illiquid and immature market.

FF: $100,000 for Bitcoin seems like a tall order and it would push Bitcoin over a $1 trillion market cap. This means Bitcoin would begin to encroach on the space occupied by the Gold market.

Do you think $100,000 is achievable under the right circumstances over the next couple of years?

TV: I do think that $100,000 for a Bitcoin is achievable after this upcoming halving, but remember, we will have 4 more years until the next halving sometime in February or March of 2024. 

If Bitcoin is to hit the $100,000 vicinity, it will most likely be late 2023 as speculation rises going into the next halving. Like all other unsustainable exponential rises however, I can also see it falling back down to $20,000 to $25,000 area for another major correction. Remember, the faster we rise, the harder we fall.

FF: What sort of fundamentals would be necessary to get us there from a technical point of view (developmental or other)?

TV: I am keeping an eye on several global catalysts that can drive Bitcoin’s value to $100,000 even tomorrow:

Back in 2013, we had the Cyprus banking crisis, then in 2015 the Greek banking shutdown. If similar events in Europe are to repeat I think it will drive Bitcoin sky high. 

Just imagine if the Brexit vote takes place in a country actually on the Euro like Italy or Spain, their citizens will rush into bitcoin for financial safety.

The continued war on cash, tax evasion & money laundering. As more and more Developed nations try to eliminate cash and implement negative interest rates, this can drive many people into Bitcoin.

Within our own space, there is still plenty of people invested in shitcoins. I had greatly underestimated how much Bitcoin would rise in 2019 with a small group of major shitcoins like Litecoin, Ether and XRP. 

Even though Bitcoin is already at 70% dominance, Ethereum still takes up another 20%. Once people fully realize how useless and unstable that project is, a mass exit out of Ether can actually drive Bitcoin very high due to Bitcoin’s low liquidity to handle a run on the Ethereum bank.

BAKKT

FF: The physically settled Bitcoin futures product offered by BAKKT implies that there may be some underlying demand expected by institutional players for Bitcoin exposure. 

Do you think this is a ‘build it and they will come’ venture or do you think they are aware of pent up underlying demand for exposure to Bitcoin?

TV: I do think the “build it and they will come” view for BAKKT is reasonable but don’t confuse it with “launch it and they will rush to your door” like a new iPhone. I do not see a difference between physically settled futures and buying your Bitcoin from Coinbase. 

If CME did physically settled futures from the start that would have been interesting, or if BAKKT created an exchange for centralized liquidity the way stocks work and turned companies like Bitstamp into brokers, that would have also been interesting.

FF: A lot of people are suspicious of the project in the sense that some speculate it could be used to manipulate Bitcoin’s price. What’s your view on the product, do you think it’s overall bullish for the space?

TV: I think the best part about BAKKT is that it makes Bitcoin more financially and legally acceptable. With every regulated & respected financial institution that gets approval to work with Bitcoin it makes it harder and harder for governments to criminalize its use the way they do with cannabis in most countries. 

As for direct effects, there is nothing that BAKKT is doing that has not already been offered by CME, Coinbase, Kraken, Gemini and Fidelity. Combining parts of what other companies do well into one is not innovative and does not guarantee success. 

As for manipulation, this is what people say when they lose on a trade. Sure big companies will try and take advantage when they have power and that is why they should be watched by regulators, but if you want to talk true manipulation, let’s talk about diamond prices. How come I can’t trade those futures in a free market like say corn, gold or Bitcoin?

Altcoins

FF: You’re a well-known skeptic of altcoins (to put it lightly) and you have consistently asked about their questionable legal status. Do you still think financial regulators will ultimately catch up with these projects? 

TV: If I was answering this question a week ago I would have said yes, but after seeing the $24 million fine to EOS creators by the SEC as they raised $4 billion through an unregistered security of their scam token, it’s basically the green light to break the rules with a slap on the wrist and not even a warning to not do it again.

FF: Has it been damaging for Bitcoin overall?

TV: No, Honey Badger don’t care. Eventually, people will realize how dumb all these other coins are and that value will flow back into Bitcoin.

FF: Do you think Facebook’s Libra Project will ultimately navigate their way through the regulation and launch a product to the public? If yes, will it be competition for Bitcoin?

TV: I honestly don’t know, I believe that they will eventually launch it but it will not be competition to Bitcoin. It will not have any of the qualities that give Bitcoin value like unconfiscatability, censorship-resistant value, transfer and money hardness to rival gold governed by decentralization and math. 

Facebook’s Libra is no different than the current financial system but instead of a government appointed officials deciding how much to print, it will be a centralized group of private companies. They will always have the ability to censor transactions and confiscate/freeze your funds if they feel like it or told to do so by the government.

What’s the future for Tone Vays, the careerman? 

FF: You seem to be all over the place. What’s the most exciting thing you’ve got lined up in the next six months?

TV: I am very excited about The Financial Summit in Bali. It’s a small event I decided to do to connect young traders with hedge funds that can take their strategies to another level. 

The event also has an investing and trading education component for high net worth individuals and miners looking to navigate the financial markets. The event is almost sold out so I might need to do another one in 6 months in the Caribbean. 

Besides that, we have the 2nd annual Unconfiscatable Conference & Poker Tournament coming up in Vegas on February 20-23. We will also be bringing back Understanding Bitcoin to Malta in May but no details on it as of yet. 

It’s a really exciting time for Bitcoiners!