#I realize my writing in this is not up to par but it was because its basically my life story

[mudefrau]

every time i find a (typically more recent) YA/fantasy series that turns out to have an abundant dedicated fandom writing long essays, fics and pumping out amazing fanart on the daily, with those posts averaging 200-400+ notes-1K+ for fanart, i get a bit sad and jealous that maguire isn't achieving this despite all the exposure (musical, upcoming movie, being based on the american cultural staple that is wizard of oz)

what went wrong with the wicked years? can't be only the feline sex parts 😩

[chocolate-milk-enthusiast]

[5 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚𝙨]- Rin Itoshi

hey hey hey! so this is my first fic (that's getting posted) but i had a lot of fun writing this and i am pretty proud of this icl, it was hard and abit awkward to write at some points but i hope you enjoy it!^^

Rin x fem!reader word count: 1530 warnings: eating/drinking, kissing, reader is referred as 'girlfriend' and 'goddess' and implied to be a girl, but you can always think of it as gn or male. if i missed anything else please lmk!

Sight.

Rin wasn’t the most grateful person; he often complained about many things, especially on the field when a pass was sloppy or when his or his teammates' dribbling was under par. He wasn’t one to appreciate the scenery around him, whether it was a beautiful sunset on the beach or a rainy day seen from his living room window.

While he wasn’t particularly responsive to his surroundings outside of the field, that didn’t mean he wasn’t observant. Quite the opposite, in fact. He noticed every single detail about you (and his surroundings), even the smallest ones. It could be as simple as a different shade of lipstick or a new pair of earrings, or something more noticeable like a recent haircut or new shoes. He noticed everything.

It was now 5:24, twenty-four minutes past his usual time to start the day. Why was he keeping count, you might ask? Because of you. Twenty-four minutes ago, when he tried waking up, he saw you shifting in your sleep. He took it as a sign that if he moved, you’d wake up, and he couldn’t let that happen. Not when you were overworking your pretty little head so much. So he chose to lay back down, looking at you. He couldn’t help but feel his heart warm at the sight: messy hair, slightly parted lips, eyelashes resting on your cheeks, a tiny amount of drool pooling at the corner of your mouth. To anyone else, you might have looked like a mess, but to him? He found himself in awe.

To him, you were absolutely gorgeous, whether you were dressed up for a night out, in pajamas when he showed up unexpectedly, or simply sleeping in his arms. He found himself grateful for the ability to see. To see you smile brightly after eating your favorite dessert. To see you pout when he teased you for slipping on a puddle.

This is when he truly realized: he had to be grateful for the little things in life (in this situation his ability to see). How else was he supposed to worship you like the goddess you were?

Hearing

Rin was always a listener. In contrast, you talked a lot more, openly expressing what you felt. Being with Rin allowed you to do that more than usual because he never did, or never will, mind sitting there listening to you talk about something so mundane. If it were anyone else, they would have probably left, but he didn’t. He patiently listened to your feathery voice because he truly enjoyed listening to you talk.

It was 3:18 AM. Usually, at this ungodly hour, Rin would be sleeping. But today? There you were, sitting on his couch, talking about something. He couldn’t exactly figure out what; his mind was hazy, your honey-laced voice overwhelming him. What brought you both to this situation? A nightmare, one that Rin had. Nightmares weren’t unusual for him, pretty frequent and normal if you’d ask him. But the one he had today? Saying it scared him was an understatement. To Rin, his brother Sae and you, his childhood best friend and now girlfriend, were the most important people in his life. His relationship with his brother was extremely strained, and he knew their bond might never return to what it was. So when he had a nightmare that you left him for his brother, it terrified him. Even now, an hour after waking up, the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. But there you were, sitting in front of him, talking about your week because he asked you to. He wanted to distract himself, so what better way than to drown in the comfort of your embrace and your sweet, melodic words? Talking about how you saw a new cat cafe on your way from work might have seemed boring to him at any other time (though he would have still listened just to see you happy). But right now, it made him happy because it meant he got to hear your angelic voice that lulled him back to sleep.

Touch

Rin wasn’t the most affectionate person at first, but with time, he started to crave your touch. A simple brush of your shoulders when you were standing next to him made his heart pound and head spin. Before long, he was practically attached to you whenever he could be, regardless of the time or place. He tried to control himself more in public for the sake of his ‘tough boy’ persona.

He couldn’t explain why your touch brought so much comfort to him, but it did. It made him feel complete, even if just for a moment. He believed he was enough and deserved love. Even if he wasn’t ‘Rin Itoshi: Star striker of Blue Lock,’ he knew you would still be there.

Now, here he is in a new cat cafe, grumpily staring at you as you pet a cat comfortably laying on your lap with one hand while sipping your coffee with the other. Rin couldn’t believe he was jealous of a cat, but he was. He shot daggers at the cat until a sudden touch on his cheek shook him out of his trance. You sweetly asked him if anything was wrong. He shook his head, knowing you didn’t believe him. But what was he supposed to do? Tell you out loud that he wanted so badly to be in that cat’s place? He’d kill to lay on your lap, having you thread your hands through his hair.

It was almost as if you read his mind. You shifted closer, whispering in his ear, promising him that you’d cuddle with him when you got back home. The thought made him all giddy inside. It was laughable, really, but at that moment he didn’t seem to care. When it came to you, he could throw away all his ego just to be held by you.

Taste

Rin wasn’t a confused person. In most spheres of life, he was clear about what he wanted to achieve. But when it came to you, it was as if someone flipped a switch. His usual calm and collected self could become putty in your hands with just a simple kiss. His past self wouldn’t be caught dead behaving like this, but how was he supposed to resist your sweet kisses?

It was almost laughable. You had recently bought a new lip gloss and made the grave mistake of putting it on in front of him. He stared at your pretty lips as you applied a generous coat. Being the oh-so-generous girlfriend you were, you offered some to him. Instead of reaching for the tube, what did he do? He grabbed your face, cupping your cheeks and placing his lips on yours, transferring the gloss from your lips to his. He could taste the vanilla, and he craved more, the sweet taste overwhelming his senses. He pulled away to let you breathe, muttering about how sweet it tasted, before pulling you back in for another kiss.

He knew that if he really liked the taste and feel of the lip gloss so much, he could just directly put it on. But that wasn’t the case at all. It was how you tasted and how your lips felt against his. That pleasant taste and feeling was something he could always get used to.

In those moments, with the flavor of vanilla still lingering, Rin realized that no matter how composed he was elsewhere, with you, he didn’t need to be. He could let go, savor each kiss, and simply enjoy the comfort and joy you brought into his life. And as he held you close, he knew that this was where he belonged—wrapped in your embrace, tasting the sweetness of your love

Smell

Everyone had their peculiar preferences, and for Rin, it was the way you smelled. Whether it was the allure of your new perfume, the lingering aroma of coffee from your dates, or the comforting scent of cinnamon and honey when you baked, each fragrance spoke to him in a language only he understood. It wasn’t just about the physical scent; it was about the sense of comfort and belonging you exuded.

After a grueling week, where every challenge seemed insurmountable, Rin found a small piece of heaven the moment he stepped into your shared home. The comforting aroma of vanilla and sugar greeted him, a welcome respite from the absolute hellish his day was. Despite the clutter of flour-covered countertops and scattered utensils, the sight of you kneeling in front of the oven, tending to cookies, filled him with warmth and inexplicable joy. Before he could fully process the scene, he found himself enveloped in your embrace, melting into the feeling of home.

Amidst the chaos, the lingering scent of citrus enveloped him, a familiar fragrance that grounded him in reality. It was a subtle reminder of the little things he cherished about you, whether intentional or not. As he savored the moment. Rin knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, as long as he had you and your comforting presence, everything would be okay

[greentrickster]

Okay, all you aspiring writers out there following my blog listen up, I’m about to lore drop something y’all may need to hear.

Now, I’m a Writer, capital letter and everything. It’s not my profession, it’s just what I am, simple as that. I’m thirty-five as I type this, and I’ve been writing for twenty-three of those years. Made the shift from someone who just does essays and stories and stuff for school to someone who Writes when I was twelve and decided, “I am going to write a Novel.”

Which I did.

Took me four years to finish, a hundred pages on Microsoft Word, single space, because that’s how long I thought it needed to be if it was going to be a novel.

And, y’all.

It’s bad.

Like, so bad.

Like, “I’m not even going to tell you what it’s about, only that it exists, this is a chapter of my life to be mentioned in passing, you will see no more, the way is shut, it was made by the dead and the dead keep it” levels of bad.

While I was doing this, I also wrote a lot of poetry. Some of that was okay. One of my ADHD powers is having a very good ear for both rhyme and rhythm, which is enough to get you labeled as the class poet in 5th  grade.

You won’t be seeing any of that either.

It’s not on par with the novel, but like... no one needs to be exposed to my teen-years poetry with the knowledge that that’s what it is.

Being a 1988 model, I didn’t discover fanfiction until about 2006. I was eighteen. The first thing I wrote was an absolute crack!fic that people enjoyed at the time, but which none of you will ever see without accessing the dark web or something similar because I’ve removed it from the legitimate internet. In fact, maybe just kind of treat anything of mine that I wrote before 2010 with extreme caution. And, even then, it’s not until 2014 that we get to my works that are still online which I look back at and go, “That? I’m still really proud of.”

It wasn’t until 2015/2016 that I started seeing myself not as someone who wanted to be a writer, but who already was one.

And it wasn’t until I was a decent start into writing my second mega!fic in 2020 that I looked down and realized that I might be writing something really special. Something that I was so proud of that I didn’t care that it was fanfiction, I was willing to talk to random people about it, because I felt so good and confident about what I was writing.

And that’s actually the point I’m trying to make. When people like me say, “Oh yeah, I’ve been writing for twenty-three years,” it’s not a statement of “Lol, I’m better than you, I’ve been at the top of my game forever, you’ll never catch up.” It’s a statement of, “Writing is a cumulative activity. If I’m good now, it’s because I’ve been doing this for a very long time, maybe longer than you’ve been alive. Look at where twenty-three years of work and practice have gotten me. And, much more importantly... think about where you are right now, and where twenty-three years of work, practice, and life experience will get you.”

Because there are a lot of young writers who I would absolutely consider my equals, don’t think I don’t see you there on AO3 and other places! And that’s what I always wonder when I think of how old you are compared to how old I am. Many of you are so much farther along the path of honing your skills than I was at your age... how much farther along will you be when you’re my age? Keep working at it and you’ll only get better, gain more polish, shine brighter. So many of you are already gems, and it’s my very dear hope that I’ll get to watch you become stars.

[itsajollyjester]

yessss that defo answers my questions! ur thoughts on compassion & community intertwined w rebellion definitely show up in ur art lol. something more specific i have been curious abt is ur version of the endings of each specific hunger games & ur characterization/portrayal of the victors at those points! if u have any more thoughts abt any of those characters or their games id love to hear.... im also very not neurotypical abt hunger games

For sure!! But this is a novel and a half so I apologize in advance (also most of this is from memory so anyone can correct me if I'm getting any details wrong)

((TW: For visual depictions of Blood, Gore, and Wounds))

I realized I'd seen barely any art showing what the victors would have looked like when they won their games. They were all just kids and I feel like it can be easy to forget that sometimes

For all of them, I made the background one of their main "weapons" but tried to make it look like its turning back on them instead since there are no victors as Haymitch said.

I'll try to explain them all more in depth individually going in the order I drew them:

Finnick Odair, 65th Games:

His main weapons were his trident and nets that he made with vines. His background is one of the nets ready to trap him.

Finnick was the youngest victor ever at only 14. I really really wanted to emphasize just how little that is. (Especially since we know exactly why the Capitol loved him from the start…) Once I actually drew him looking that little I had to step away for a bit because I made myself too sad…

Outside of just how horrific his age is as a concept, I tried to think about what circumstances would lead to him actually winning when surrounded by older tributes. I think he would have had to avoid any kind of fight he didn't have the upper hand in. We know that he got the most expensive sponsor gifts in the history of the games (a trident), so he probably got plenty of sponsors outside of that as well. Because of that I doubt he needed to go looking for supplies much if ever so it was easy to avoid people there. He was also probably in a career pack, despite his age, due to his training and his popularity, and they would have hunted other tributes down together much like the one we saw in the first book (safer in numbers). Once it was narrowing down and the pack broke is when I think he started catching people in nets. All of that is a long winded way of saying that's why, unlike the other victors I drew, I only show him with minor cuts and bruises.

Originally I was going to draw him with a kind of strained smile like he was acting for an audience from the start. But I decided I actually think its sadder if he believed he was popular because of his skill and strategy as a fighter and only learned the whole truth after he won and that's when he started acting more for the camera. Instead I gave him a more muted despair kind of look, like his world is crashing down. One of my favorite parts about the movies, mainly THG and ABOSAS, is when they give the career tributes at the end a moment of realization about what they've done, and I wanted to give Finnick his. I'm a person that believes Finnick had to have volunteered for his games. I think he would have legitimately believed in the propaganda the career districts were fed and had a bit of a (very middle school boy) ego about his abilities. (I was NOT expecting to write so much about his lmao)

Enobaria, 62nd Games

She's most well known for ripping someones throat out with her teeth. (Her background is her sharpened teeth getting ready to eat her.) This is treated by The Capitol, and by Katniss, as grotesque and terrifying blood lust (Which obviously the Capitol loves her for). However, and I'm not at all the first to say it, that sounds more like a terrified and desperate attempt to survive a fight she was losing and an example of hysterical strength. We know that Career packs have had bloody betrayals in the past and I can see Enobaria being a part of one of them. Enobaria doesn't have a canonical age, but I decided to put her on the younger side (15 or 16.) I can imagine some of the older, bigger tributes deciding she was the weakest link towards the end and that was the result. I tried to make the blood around her mouth and down her shirt look more faded, like she tried desperately to wipe it off (Also I had to step away from drawing again after I drew her little tooth gap)

I think she probably leaned into the bloodthirsty image afterwards as a way to protect herself and (maybe even started to believe it too)

Annie Cresta, 70th Games

Annie's known for losing her mind after seeing her district partner decapitated in front of her. After that, she ran off and hid until the game makers started an earth quake, which made the large dam in the arena break and cause a huge flood. Annie was the only survivor because she was the strongest swimmer. So I decided to make her background dark water that's churning up and over her head. I also think it can work well as a way to show her mental state in the moment (and afterwards) Annie is actually one of my favorite characters in the series and I've been writing out a plan for a possible comic series about her that'll go more in depth about my headcanons for her. (when I say comic series, I mean sketches and oneshots, not a full thing lmao) It wouldn't take place during her games (outside of a few flashbacks when I need more context), instead it would start at her Victory Tour and go into her first (and last) year as a mentor for the 71st Games. Which is a perfect segue to-

Johanna Mason, 71st Games

Johanna is actually first mentioned early on in the first book when Katniss is wondering if the reason Peeta is crying is because he plans to act weak and helpless as a strategy in the games. (Katniss, he just found out he has to fight in a murder tournament with his crush. He's just Sad.) She bases her theory on Johanna, who pretended she was a "sniveling, cowardly fool" in the arena until the final stretch of the games when she proved to be deadly with an axe.

OR….. Katniss is an unreliable narrator and Johanna was actually a terrified kid from a district with so few victors that she was the only name in the bowl for the Quarter Quell… This is totally just a personal headcanon of mine tho lol. I think there would have been a point in her games where she realized she actually had a chance and that's when she seemingly had a huge character turn around. Maybe there was a infighting with the careers that ended in multiple deaths and there was only a few left along with any other tributes hiding away like her. Maybe she poked around what was left of their camp, found the axe, and felt strength from her district.

Her background was a little harder for me. Just slapping a big axe behind her felt cheesy. But them I remembered her saying there was no one left that she loved. So instead I put trees that could represent her loved ones (Two fully grown trees, a younger "teenage" tree, and a sapling) that are in the process of being cut down.

Haymitch Abernathy, 50th Games

Don't worry, I'm almost done. I don't have as much to say about Haymitch since we know SO much about what happened in his games. But his background was probably the hardest for me. His main weapon was invisible after all. I thought maybe the axe that was used, but again, That would look cheesy. I tried (and kinda failed imo) to draw the cliff side the force field was on instead. But the main thing I did was split the three panels I had on the previous drawings into six for two reasons. 1: Because he had to face twice as many tributes in order to win and 2: Being the only victor of a district that's tributes are seen as fodder for the blood bath means he had to meet and watch the death of twice as many kids every year.

[mypoisonedvine]

Okay so i’m a slut for a breeding kink, but idk if you’re into this when it comes your writing. what would you think of a pregnancy scare moment in the loudmouth cheerleader and eddie world 🫣.

Eddie chewed his nails, pacing around the trailer-- which didn't have much room to pace in, but he was finding a way.

"How much longer?" he asked you.

"Still three minutes," you sighed, "since you asked me that ten seconds ago."

Eddie huffed out a breath, shaking his head which made that wild mane shift a little. He kept his thumb up to his mouth as he gnawed on it, and you focused mostly on your own hands wringing each other. You could hear his footsteps, the jingling of his chain, the little incomprehensible mumbles he said to himself. "It's gonna be okay," he said, and you didn't know if he was talking to you or himself.

"Yeah," you breathed, nodding, "yeah, I'm probably not..."

You looked up when you heard his footsteps stop, and he was facing you with a concerned look. "No, I mean-- either way," he clarified. "Whatever happens, it'll be okay. We can have it-- or, you can get it taken care of, if that's what you want, but... we could have a baby. And it would be okay."

He stepped up to you, reaching up to hold your shoulders as he stared into your eyes.

"It would be great," he smiled. "We could really do it, you know."

"I think my parents would kill me," you laughed nervously.

"They'd come around," he shrugged. "I know they don't love me, but they'd love our baby."

You swallowed thickly. Our baby. It was terrifying, but you liked the sound of it. My baby with Eddie... Eddie and I's baby.

"You remember that first night, right?" he smiled a little. "I said we'd have cute babies. I meant that. To be honest, I'd thought about it before..."

"Before we met?!" you realized.

"Well," he stalled, starting to blush, "yeah. Not a lot, just once or twice. You're just so pretty, and... I don't know, I just wondered..."

You felt your cheeks heating up at the idea of Eddie watching you from afar, imagining having children with you. Who knew he was so traditional?

"The truth is, if you're really pregnant," he continued, "my only regret would be not knowing the moment that I-- that we, you know... made life. We don't know which day it was, if it was here or in my car or in the janitor's closet at school--"

It had been a pretty wild month.

"And if I knew I was going to get you pregnant," he breathed, "it wouldn't have been like that. It would've been... sweet, and gentle... I would've held you so close--"

He stepped closer one more time, pulling you into him as he looked down into your eyes and right through you.

"I would've told you that I loved you a thousand times, I would've kissed you all over-- I... I would've held you all night."

You bit your lip looking up at where your hands toyed with the hem of his shirt. "Really?" you breathed, and he nodded. "Well... I would've liked that."

He smiled as he kissed your temple. "Has it been three minutes yet?"

You nodded, stepping past him to go to the bathroom. The test was on the counter, of which there was about a half-inch of space because it's a trailer, and you took a deep breath before reaching for it.

Eddie stepped up behind you, resting his hands on your shoulders. "It's gonna be okay," he insisted again, "whatever happens."

You held the test close enough to look at the little window: one stripe. You squinted to make sure there wasn't a really subtle, faded second line-- but no, just the one.

"I guess I'm just late," you stated. You'd never been a week late before, hence the panic, but it could be stress from some big cheer stuff coming up... not that this had done anything but create more stress for you.

"Phew," he said aloud, "what a relief, right?"

"Yeah..." you agreed, but your tone wasn't quite up to par with the excitement you expected to have.

"Babe," he cooed, turning you around until you were facing him but avoiding his gaze. "Are you a little disappointed?"

"I... I know I shouldn't be," you mumbled.

"It's okay," he promised, "you can feel however you wanna feel."

"But-- I should be happy," you frowned, "because things are good right now and we're still too young and I don't want anything to change-- between us or in my life."

"If you don't want anything to change, then you definitely don't want a kid," he chuckled. "But this probably means you want one later, right? And that's good, cause so do I! Actually, I want more than one-- I want three. Two boys and then a girl. We just need a house big enough for all that first."

You pouted a little, tugging on his shirt again. "Nooo, Eddie-- not later. I didn't even know it until I saw that test, but... I want one now."

His gaze darkened slightly as he stared down at you. "Babe... what are you talking like that for?" he lightly scolded.

"I want... I want you to do all those things you said..." you trailed off, staring down at the linoleum floor. Eddie lifted your chin with his fingers, gazing at you with a small smirk on his lips.

"You want me to make love to you, sweetheart?" he realized, leaning in to kiss your neck as you nodded. "You want me to do it like I would if I was trying to get you pregnant?"

You whimpered, and nodded again. His kisses trailed up to your ear which he licked, just to make you squirm, and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"You just wanna play pretend for now?" he prompted, picking you up and letting you wrap your legs around his hips as he carried you to the bedroom. "Let's play house, babe-- I'll be the daddy and you'll be the mommy."

You tried to hide your face in his neck, but a moment later he'd tossed you down on the bed on your back, climbing up over you.

"And in this house, you have to do what daddy says," he grinned down at you. "Okay?"

"Okay," you sighed happily.

He started to carefully undress you, unbuttoning your blouse and letting his fingertips tickle your skin along the way. "So pretty," he observed with a smile, "you're beautiful."

He kissed the skin of your torso, all along your sides and up your stomach, across your chest-- and once he'd gently removed your bra, finally he licked over your nipples. "Mm, Eddie," you moaned, petting his hair as he kissed and sucked each bud.

"You know what happens when you get pregnant, right?" he asked, looking up at you from your chest, and it was easy to assume what he was referring to.

"They get bigger, right?" you recalled. "I guess you're looking forward to that."

"I mean, that's not the part I'm looking forward to most," he smiled. "They're perfect already, it's what makes them bigger that's so special. It's all the milk for our babies."

"Oh..." you breathed, feeling the weight of arousal heavy in your gut as he wrapped his lips around your nipple again.

"Daddy can have some too, right?" he asked breathily between moving back and forth from each one, suckling a little harder each time, making your back arch up off the bed.

"Y-yes," you promised, "yeah-- you can have whatever you want."

He smiled against your skin, letting his teeth graze you before he moved down, kissing your stomach again. "You get really big here, of course," he reminded you. "I'll try to make it easy on you, I don't want you to be uncomfortable. But it's unavoidable, after a certain point. You're sure you won't mind it?"

"I-- I don't care about that," you insisted. "I think I'll like being pregnant. My mom said I was really easy, not much morning sickness and no weird cravings or anything."

"Yeah, but this is my baby that's gonna be in there," Eddie reminded you, as if your cunt getting soaked wasn't proof enough how well you understood that, "he might take after me and give you hell in there."

You laughed a little, squirming under him as he started to pull your skirt down over your thighs.

"Oh, there she is," he purred at the sight of your pussy, making you shudder in sick joy. He tossed your skirt and panties aside, ordering, "spread your legs for daddy, sweetheart."

You opened up your legs, watching him kneel down to put his face between them, kissing up your thighs. A moan fell out of your mouth when he latched onto your clit, darting his tongue out to lap at you; god, you were so wet, the taste of you must have been overwhelming. Not that he seemed to mind, he was moaning as he ate you ferociously, making your legs start to shake already.

He teased your opening with one finger, slowly sliding it in as he broke his mouth away and just watched his digit disappear inside you. "This tiny little hole," he purred. "Not sure how it even fits me... I won't get you pregnant if I think it's gonna hurt you, darling."

"N-no, please," you begged. "I promise I can do it."

He sat up, stripping himself of his shirt and starting to work on his belt next. "You're really sure? This is what you want?"

"Yeah," you breathed, "I wanna be pregnant and have your baby and... I wanna be a family."

He smiled as he pushed his pants and boxers down, leaning down over you with a smile. You whimpered when he rocked his hips forward, rubbing his erection against you, teasing you even though he could see you couldn't take it.

"Eddie," you whined, "come on..."

"Tell me how bad you want this," he instructed.

"I want it more than anything," you sobbed. "Fuck, I wanna be pregnant-- I want your baby... please, put your baby inside me, Eddie..."

His cock slid right over your clit and you shivered. "Really, honey" he pressed. "You don't care that we're still in high school? Or that you're the cheer captain and I'm broke and messed up and such a bad influence?"

You shook your head quickly, feeling your insides clench in desperation for him as his tone mocked all those things your parents and other authorities liked to say about him. You'd never been the type to like the bad boy before-- maybe it was because you knew Eddie wasn't really bad at all.

"You don't care what people will think, huh? You don't care that they'll talk, call me a deadbeat, call you a whore?"

You whined, but shook your head again.

"You're right, baby, that doesn't matter," he promised, "none of that matters. All that matters is that this is what we want."

"Yeah," you panted.

Just when you thought he was about to finally slide inside you, he sat up and lifted your legs, bending them back over your chest. You liked the way it felt to be manhandled by him a bit, even though he was being so gentle-- you liked him posing your body the way he wanted. "Look up at me, beautiful," he encouraged you, and only when you obeyed did he push his cock into you.

Folded in half like this, his cock hit the deepest parts of you with ease. "Oh fuck!" you all but screamed, clutching his thighs until your nails dug into his skin. "Eddie!"

"Uh huh, it's so deep, isn't it?" he grunted. "That's where it's supposed to be. I need to give you everything as deep as I can, make sure it takes, okay? You can handle it, right?"

You nodded, but your teeth were pressed tightly together as pleasure surged through you.

He started to fuck you slowly, keeping your legs up around his shoulders while his hands soothed you by rubbing your thighs. "Good girl, my perfect girl-- I love you, you know I love you, right?"

"Yeah... I know, Eddie, I love you, too," you panted. "Fuck, I love you so much..."

He smiled and kissed you, soft yet so dominant. "I said I'd tell you a thousand times, didn't I? Guess I only have nine hundred and ninety-nine to go..."

[huramuna]

banshee's lament - chapter 6.

aemond targaryen x stark ofc minor jacaerys velaryon x stark ofc masterlist prev | next

wordcount: 4.6k

@huramuna-fics - follow & turn on notifications for just my fic postings! no taglists right now, sorry.

content: smut, angst, fluff, disabled ofc, aemond being delulu & obsessive, major canon divergence, ofc has a service direwolf, i'm taking canon rules and putting them in a blender and taking a shot, arranged marriage, graphic depictions of violence, my terrible, terrible combat writing, descriptions of injuries, allusions to suicide

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Instead of sleeping that night, Shera read over Aemond’s notes, unable to start once she started. She lit a few candles, shoving Moongeist over in bed. “Taking up too much room, bubby,” she huffed, sitting cross legged and stacking some blankets and pillows into a makeshift book stand. Finally, after adjusting the candles position a few times, she could finally see. She began to read.

‘Ser Symeon was known to wield a long staff with blades at both ends and would spin it in his hands to chop down two men at once.’ the text said. Aemond had written, very crudely and sloppily; ‘Ask Criston about double ended staves. What about double ended morningstars? Is there such a thing?’

Between notes and annotations, he would have pieces of plain parchment shoved between the pages. Upon it were no words, but drawings. They started simply, a shaky depiction of a box, an etching of a vase in charcoal. As the years progressed through the book, his drawings improved. He never strayed from the medium of simple charcoal on parchment, but they were still very good. 

Shera tilted her head, inspecting the folded papers. She wouldn’t have expected Aemond to be the artistic one, she always thought Helaena to take up that mantle with her intricate embroidery of various insects and beyond. But these were on par with etchings pressed into a maester’s journal, or something displayed in a posh palace in Essos. She realized that besides a creative outlet, these served another purpose— it hit her quickly, he used drawing as a way to train his lone eye back into a sense of depth perception and attention to detail. Those two things were what Shera suffered with immensely, still. As adept as she’d become with sewing, she still pricked her finger or accidentally sewed into her skin because she couldn’t see the correct position of the needle. Her designs for her clothes were intricate but hardly ever symmetrical and never able to be duplicated. 

It was so… smart. It was so smart of Aemond to pick up the skill of drawing, something so inherently reliant on sight, to train himself back to some sense of regularity. It was so… Aemond. 

Shera clenched her hand, her nails sinking into her palm. Why didn’t she think of that? Why didn’t she do anything— her sewing was hobbyistic at best and not nearly enough to train her eyesight. She’d spent all that time wallowing in self-pity instead of doing something. 

She felt an acute feeling of despair, then. I should have written to him more. I should’ve bombarded him with letters and given him no choice but to reply. I should’ve pried to Helaena to see what he was doing beyond niceties. 

Letting out a sigh, she pushed those thoughts away. 

Out of curiosity, she flipped to the end of the tome and looked for the latest drawing. Three pieces of paper fell from the back, onto her lap. 

Opening the first one, it was a depiction of Helaena holding Maelor near the window. There were streams of light coming through the window and the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. Maelor was smiling, his chubby fist held out to the curtain, the small indent of his dimpled cheeks even visible. The detail was… exquisite, it was like looking at a mirror of such a situation.

Opening the second one, it was smeared with charcoal dust. Unlike the first drawing, this one took up the entirety of the page. It was hard to discern for Shera what she was looking at, at first. Leaning more to the light, it became clear. It was a portrait of Vhagar, evident in the pallor of her scales and lack of horns. Each scale was detailed impeccably, some wrought with scars and marks from her old age. The sag of her throat was held up in regard, her teeth jagged and crooked, opening in a sneer or even a laugh. 

Shera imagined what Vhagar’s laugh would sound like— something out of children’s stories, like a cackling witch, smoke billowing from her nostrils as she swirled a cauldron of bubbling green ichor. It made her giggle, the thought of Vhagar hobbling from a hut in the woods with a cane made of gnarled oak, waving away the children who dared to set foot on her property. She would need to tell Aem— someone about her depiction some day. 

She never did have the chance to see Vhagar up close, as much as she had wanted to. Aemond had promised to take her for a ride when it was daytime, so she could see the expanse of the ocean from the sky. But he never did. He wasn’t able to. Something in her heart clenched as she thought of the fact that Aemond only got one ride upon Vhagar with his full sight, one ride upon his destiny while he was still whole. Before it was taken from him— from… both of them. 

She unfolded the third paper. It was a drawing of a woman, someone Shera didn’t recognize. But they… felt familiar. The woman had billowing curls and a snarky smile on her face, eyes lit up with fire and fervor. The positioning of the piece made it feel like she was looking back to someone— her arm outstretched in an offering, as if to beckon the person looking towards them. 

Shera wasn’t sure what to make of it— the other two drawings had been something she knew and could understand. But she didn’t understand this one. She wondered who the woman was, even after she’d drifted to sleep.

—

“Shera, are you warm?” Helaena asked softly as she observed Shera fanning herself with her hand, while Moongeist was panting furiously. 

“She ‘ought to be,” Aegon grumbled, arms folded over his chest as he looked out the slats of the wheelhouse window. “She’s still dressed like she’s in the North. Winter isn’t coming down here, Shera. You can take off the fur.” 

“… a bit warm, yes,” Shera muttered, narrowing her gaze at Aegon. It wasn’t simply just the climate temperature, but the fact that there were so many people in this wheelhouse at present, all warm bodies exuding heat.

Helaena had Maelor on her lap with Aegon to her right, and the twins to her left, who were constantly swapping seats. Aemond was sitting across from Helaena and next to Shera. He tried to give her as much room as possible, but their thighs were still touching. Moongeist was sitting on the floor, riding out the bumps. 

“Who’s bloody idea was it to stuff all of us into one wheelhouse?” Aegon continued, a bit crabby due to his lack of wine. 

“We’re almost there, Aegon. You can stop your whining at any time.” Aemond finally uttered. He had been quiet the whole ride up to the Kingswood, focusing solely on looking out the window. 

“I will stop whining when there is a breeze, a bottle in my hand and that dog is about ten feet away from me,” the oldest prince huffed. “He smells.” 

“Aegon, you smell bad on the best of days. Moongeist just needs a bath— do you even know what those are?” Shera interjected, coming to her wolf’s defense in a heartbeat. 

Helaena, Maelor and the twins giggled heartily. Aemond cracked a grin at the joke. 

“Uncle Aemond should dunk you in the river again, kepa,” Jaehaerys tittered, still laughing away. “You might catch a fish in your mouth again!” 

Aegon rolled his eyes and sighed— his lips perking up into a soft smile. “Maybe Uncle Aemond and the dog can fish in the river instead. Isn’t that what wolves do? Catch fish?” 

“… that’s bears,” Shera said with an unamused tone. 

The wheelhouse came to a creaking stop and Aegon was the first outside. Moongeist was next, followed by Maelor, then the twins. 

Helaena helped Shera down the steps, Aemond behind her. 

In a turn of events, Shera unclasped the fur stole from her shoulders, as well as the outer layer of her dress, tossing it back into the wheelhouse. She instantly felt lighter, the breeze cooling her shoulders. She had on a gray silk dress with cutout shoulders and a high throat clasp. It was flowy, almost weightless material. She adjusted her hat, which was a gift from Helaena. It was a sun hat with a veil sewed around it, coming down just below Shera’s jawline. 

“Ah, finally, you look somewhat like Shera and not a furred beast,” Aegon whistled, walking backwards towards the clearing. 

“I don’t wish to be encumbered any more than I already am in the wilderness. If I am chased by a boar, I don’t need ten pounds of fabric weighing me down.” 

“If you’re chased by a boar, then we will be eating roasted boar that very night, won’t we, Moongeist?” Hela cooed to the wolf, who was letting Maelor climb on his back.

“It feels strange,” Aemond murmured behind Shera, his hand ghosting over the small of her back to help guide her, as Moongeist was playing nanny to Maelor– which she didn’t entirely mind. “To be back here after all of this time– all of us.”

“Except Daeron,” Shera reminded him gently, her hand going down to pat Moongeist on pure instinct, but upon realizing he wasn’t there, she let out a noise of discontentment, her hand going to her chest to rest upon her furs, which weren’t there either. “Ugh, I don’t know what to do with my hands when I’m walking alone.”

“Moongeist is the new Daeron,” Aegon called back, now having Jaehaera upon his shoulders, while Jaehaerys was on Helaena’s shoulders. “I’m sure your dog can squire just as good as Daeron, anyhow.”

“You could always hold Aemond’s hand, Shera, like you used to,” Hela giggled, Aegon howling in turn.

“Oh, please, you didn’t get me anything for my nameday, brother– count this as my gift if you and Shera skip through the flowers hand in hand!” 

Aemond scowled. “If my niece weren’t upon your shoulders, brother, you’d be on the ground, preferably with a black eye.” 

Aegon stuck his tongue out mockingly and Jaehaera imitated him.

Soon enough, the troupe was sitting down in a grassy clearing, blanket over the dirt. The twins were stained blue already from the amount of blueberries they consumed, laying on their backs in the sun like two turtles. 

Aegon had managed to open a bottle of wine, sipping on it frequently while snacking on cheese and crackers.

 Helaena had a leaf insect crawling on her fingers, murmuring to herself as she observed it carefully. “They do not bleed… the mulberry leaves, they walk, animated upon mine hand… when crushed, they do not bleed, no blood… the leaves have no blood,” she hummed, the foliage-like creature.

“Do they change color with the seasons, Hela?” Shera asked as she, too, watched the bug. 

“Yes, they do,” the princess replied, violet eyes not moved from the insect. “In Winter, they die and crumble like the leaves, becoming gray and desiccated under the earth… but they’re just sleeping.”

“Mumma, mumma, tadboles,” Maelor squealed as Moongeist padded into the clearing with the toddler upon his back. “There’s… tadboles!”

Helaena was snapped from her reverie by his squeak. She extended her hand to offer the bug to Shera for a moment before an expression akin to recognition came over her face. “I’ll… put him back on the plant.” she murmured low.

Shera thought about her… disassociation spell from the previous day while staring up at the sky. They were in an enclosed clearing with tall trees all around them, the scent of pine sap wafting through the air. She watched birds pass overhead in the sky— they looked like robins, always in a flock. 

There was a large, dead tree near the edge of the forest. Its bark was stripped from its trunk, laden with woodpecker holes, cracked and splintered. It had a larger opening in it, showing that it was hollow inside. She wondered if a family of raccoons lived there. 

Turning her head to another part of the Kingswood, she felt that waft of breeze over her face again, just like yesterday. The same cream colored blur whizzed past her without any noise, merely the sensation of movement. She tried to follow its path, jolting up suddenly with alarming speed. 

She lost track of it. 

Putting a hand to her head, she groaned. She sat up way too fast, sending her brain into a tizzy. Glancing around, everyone else was gone— save for Aemond, who was staring at Shera. 

“Where did they go?” she asked, her mind suddenly off of the creature evading her vision and moreso focused on the fact that everyone was gone. 

“They left half an hour ago, Shera,” Aemond said, a brow raised. “They went to the creek.” 

“Oh.” Half an hour ago? 

“Helaena said you do this,” he continued. “Disassociating?” 

“It’s… new. I think.” she muttered, pulling her legs up to her chest. 

“You should go to a maester about that.” 

“Mm. And why are you still here?” she tried to ask politely, but it ended up coming out a bit harshly. 

“Well, I couldn’t very well leave you alone here while you were… occupied. That’d be depraved indifference.” he huffed.

“Depraved indifference? Like leaving a dog tied up outside in a storm?” she grumbled, digging a finger into the dirt. “Is it so hard for you to say you care about me?” she uttered suddenly, slightly mortified that it came out of her mouth without thinking. Well, I suppose the cat is out of the bag now. 

Aemond stared at her, the pupil of his eye waned to a slit. His jaw clenched and the corner of his mouth twitched. “I don’t need to say it for it to be true,” he said. “Words mean nothing, they’re empty and meaningless. Actions are everything— keep that in mind.” 

“You write a lot for someone who says words are empty and meaningless,” she pressed, the flare of indignation broiling in her— something that only surfaced when talking to Aemond. 

“You misunderstand me, Shera,” he said her name like a blessing and a curse, his lip twitching again. “Someone can say all they like. That they care, that they will do something, that they will fix something— but their words are empty unless they actually do it.” 

Her eye drifted once more, seeing the cream blur dive into the forest. She didn’t know what came over her, her limbs spurring into action as she got up with a start, bolting after it. She heard Aemond’s garbled voice behind her as she ran through the forest, eye unable to focus on it, but she could see it. Glimpses of it, calling to her as it bobbed and weaved through the branches.

Shera, Shera. She heard the whispers of some unfamiliar being in the back of her mind like an itch, a buzz at the base of her skull. It was calling to her, pulling her to it. She lost her shoes somewhere along the way, bare feet traipsing on the ground, cutting into jagged rock and sharp branches.

Aemond’s voice was more urgent now, but she still couldn’t understand what he was saying. And she… she was outrunning him. She felt like a doe, agile and free and the pain of her feet, bleeding and punctured, didn’t even bother her. 

Come, come, little wolf! Come.

The dark of the forest let up into a wide expanse of blue sky, blue sky and the scent of the ocean… the blur was gone and all she felt was open air as she skidded off of the cliff. It was freeing, those splinters of wings bursting through her elytra, cracking and flitting. She treaded nothingness…

Then her wrist snapped, pulled right out of its socket as she was yanked back, her ears ringing as the adrenaline died down. The breeze of the sea stopped as she was enveloped in warmth, in fire. She glanced up– Aemond was staring down at her with a wide eye, hair sticking to his forehead with the sheen of sweat.

“What the… fuck, Shera?” he breathed, his chest heaving. “Are you trying to kill yourself?” 

“No– n… no,” she croaked in turn, her uninjured hand grasping into the leather of his doublet with such force that her knuckles were white, veins bulging against her skin. “The… it…” her tongue felt tied, throat dry as the pain of everything caught up to her at once. Her bleeding feet, her ballooning lungs that couldn’t catch enough oxygen, her dislocated wrist, hand aloft at an odd angle. 

Moongeist barked somewhere in the distance, howl echoing through the forest.

She did not remember much after that.

—

The next moon was quiet for Shera as she recovered from her outing. The maesters set her wrist back into place and set it taut with a sling. Her feet were bandaged and she was prescribed bed rest for at least a week. They tried to give her milk of the poppy, but she refused– she couldn’t stand how it made her head swim, swim more than it already did.

Cregan blamed Aemond, threatening to take Shera back to Winterfell until the wedding. Rhaenyra calmed him, citing that Shera wouldn’t go out of the keep without a more attentive chaperone.

Once she was mostly recovered, lunched with Helaena every day and watched Aemond spar with Criston every other morning– but she usually hid behind the ramparts to where he wouldn’t see her– she felt oddly shy about watching him. She hadn’t had any disassociation spells, nor saw anything of the mystery blur. However, she did have Ser Erryk Cargyll as her sworn sword, issued by Rhaenyra herself. 

She hated being followed, being observed under a lens like she was a child. Indignation broiled in her chest– but one eve, while passing Aemond in the hall, he didn’t say anything to her. They hadn’t spoken since the incident, where Shera was fairly sure that Aemond was convinced she tried to kill herself by jumping off the cliff– she wanted to explain that wasn’t the case, to explain everything she’d been experiencing. But he would think her mad. Surely.

She pulled herself out of the corset after, slipping into a more comfortable, loose fitting garment. Shera had sent away her maids and told them not to return until the morn. She didn’t wish to be fretted and pulled at like a sickly hen, feathers plucked before the slaughter.

Slowly, she untangled the veil from her hair and set it aside. Fingers gliding through her braids, she let her hair fall in curled tresses down her back, resting well past her bottom once it was all out. 

The last thing to come off was her leather choker— she placed it on her boudoir, the tips of her nails ghosting over the still prominent scar there. She abhorred looking in the mirror, seeing nothing but a banshee looking back. 

Even though she had retired to her chambers, she didn’t sleep. She found it hard to sleep most nights and ended up pacing. It was late in the night and most of the Keep were asleep, save for the occasional guard. She found it the perfect time to sneak out to the tunnels that crisscrossed throughout Maegor’s Holdfast. 

She wished to test and see if she truly remembered the path that led to the water gardens— which she hoped still sparkled just as wondrously under moonlight as they did before. 

Moongeist was curled up atop her bed, snoozing away. He worked so hard to guide Shera that she loathed to wake him, so she didn’t. She wasn’t completely hopeless without her wolf guide, but it could be teetering on the edge of stupidity, to wander the dimly lit secret corridors without her safety net. Stupidity that masked itself in bravery in her mind. 

Glancing back at her veil and choker, she left them behind as she descended into the tunnel— she would be out of sight, and wished to let herself breathe for once, uninhibited and unveiled. She pressed to the wall for balance, her nightgown fisted in one hand, the other committing the curve of the stone to her mind, for later. If her memory served her correctly, she should be passing the royal apartments and the other guest rooms.

The sound of hushed voices caught Shera’s attention. In hindsight, it is rude to eavesdrop upon conversations– but she couldn’t help herself. 

The somewhat familiar gruff sound of Daemon’s voice met her ears as they perked up, pressed against the wooden backing of a bookshelf that led to the tunnel from, what she could assume, was Rhaenyra and Daemon’s chamber.

“She won’t be beholden to us, Nyra,” Daemon’s voice whispered in an urgent, hushed tone. “She was raised under them, she has no reason to like us.”

“The North is a powerful ally we need on our side once the time comes, Daemon. Cregan is already beholden to us by the oath of his father,” she breathed, “This is merely another way to bring the Starks into the fold. I’d rather them be ready to defend us, Shera, at a moment’s notice.” 

“Beyond the allegiances, the betrothals, the treaties; she is hardly a worthy vessel of Valyrian seed. A baby with dragon’s blood would tear that soft bellied wolf apart. Even then, are we so sure she isn’t still… in favor of Alicent’s brood? You saw her with the two at the dinner.”

“You’re thinking too far ahead, Daemon. I suppose I do love your… farsightedness, but we must focus on nearsightedness. We will deal with the issues of the girl’s mettle after I’m on my throne,” Rhaenyra turned, a finger pressed to Daemon’s jaw, which was clenched in agitation. “You needn’t worry. If her constitution proves weak, she shan’t survive the court— and any trace of allegiance she might have to my half siblings shall be snuffed out swiftly when the time comes.”

Shera felt her sudden burst of confidence fester into bile rising from the back of her throat. Once the time comes? Her stomach churned– she knew that there had been tension between the two sides of the King’s family but she hadn’t expected such planning and cunning already, before the gauntlet had even been thrown down, before the King had even passed– 

And she was a part of that plan, apparently. Moreso a link to her brother’s allegiances and by extension, the North. 

The tunnel she was in suddenly felt very small, like the walls were closing in on her. Panic bubbled in her chest like frothing sea water, the undercurrent threatening to drag her out to the endless expanse, water filling her lungs until they burst.

Her bare feet stumbled as she continued forward, trying to recognize any of the exits from the labyrinth, but it seemed fruitless. Tears welled, stinging and blinding her even further. She wasn’t quite sure how long she had been lost for– but it felt like the better part of an hour before she finally pushed one opening forward, falling out onto the stone ground of another room in the holdfast.

Shera sniffed, her hair falling in front of her face like inky tendrils, clinging to her tear streaked face. Her knee was skinned from how hard she’d fallen, blood trickling down her skin and staining her nightgown. Glancing around, her vision was beyond fuzzy, her head spinning. 

Idiot, idiot. She chastised herself further, fists supplanted into the ground, her nail beds scraping against the unforgiving stone as she attempted to pull herself up. 

She hoped to every God, the old and the new, that the room wasn’t occupied.

“Alicent? Alicent… is that you?” 

Fuck.

Shera froze, the croaking voice directed at… her? It was like hearing the Stranger speak, whispering in her ear. Surely it was a figment of her imagination. 

“Ali-cent,” it spoke again, followed by a hacking cough and a drawn out moan. “My… my medicine— have… you brought it?”

Shaking her head, she ventured closer to the bed where the voice was coming from, a lone beeswax candle lit on the bedside. Some incense was also burning, an intense smell of concentrated herbs that was almost too much for even Shera— what was this? Finally reaching the bedside, she was in horror at what she saw. 

Was this… the King? 

He looked more corpse than human, cheeks sunken and teeth missing and blackened. His body mass was half of what it used to be— he… he was so small now, his labored breathing, moreso wheezing, wracking his body. His eye was missing. 

She held back the urge to vomit as she got closer, now knowing what the incense mask was for. He smelled terrible— complete of death and rot, as if his body was already withering and decaying. It was on par with the scent of a dead elk she and Moongeist had found a few years before while exploring just outside of Winterfell. Its body was bloated and stinking, maggots writhing from the orifices of its body. It was one of the most disgusting sights she’d ever seen— ‘twas tainted meat, as the ravens and foxes wouldn’t even touch it. 

The King— Viserys the Peaceful. He was no more a king presently, akin more to fodder for vultures. No, she didn’t think that vultures would taint themselves with his rotten flesh. 

She peered on. Viserys wasn’t much older than Daemon, was he? And… as much as she hated to admit it, Daemon was only just past his prime, mayhaps still even in it. But Viserys… looked aged to about eighty or ninety, his skin liver spotted and plagued with… some disease she couldn’t identify. His hair was all but gone, sticking to the skin of his skull in small patches, like a child’s doll that’d been mutilated.

“… y-your grace?” Shera whispered, unsure of what to do.

“A-ah, forgive… me… dearest, there is a glint upon… your eye.”

Yes, and you lack one, decrepit corpse. Shera resisted the urge to huff. 

“The… the vial—,”

“This one, your grace?” she murmured, seeing a small phial of liquid. She sniffed it, the overwhelming scent of milk of the poppy hitting her nostrils.

“Mm.”

She handed the medicine to him, watching him struggle to even lift his bony, gaunt hand. She brought the lip of it to his mouth, listening to him greedily drink it as if it were the most delicious of wines.

“Much… better, thank you,” he breathed, putting his hand back over his forehead. “Have… you thought much more upon… Rhaenyra’s proposal?”

“Her proposal, your grace?” Shera responded meekly. She still wasn’t sure what to do in this situation, where the king thought she was Queen Alicent. Her hands shook as she put the empty vial back on the nightstand.

“Helaena… and Jacaerys… ‘tis a fine match… it would… reunite our… the… the house of the dragon.” 

Gods, what year did he think it was?

“... I am still mulling it over, my king,” she responded, glancing around the room for any way out.

“And… have Otto… send a raven to Lord Stark…” he wheezed. “Propose a union… between your ward… and Aemond. The North… has stayed out of the… realm for far too long…”

Aemond? There were talks of a betrothal to Aemond? Her heart began to race, even though she knew that the king’s mind was at least twelve years in the past or more– the mere thought of… it could’ve been true, it could’ve happened– 

She bit her lip until blood welled to the surface. Everything could have been different.

Did Alicent refuse? Was there… even a raven sent? 

“Yes, your grace,” she sniffed, holding back tears. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Alicent.” 

[burgerking-official]

Alright fine I’ll do a full review on Hazbin

Okay I’m very bored so I’ll go in-depth on my thoughts on Hazbin.

The voice acting

The voice acting is mostly trash.

Erika Henningsen as Charlie was fine. Not great, but certainly not as terrible as the others.

Stephanie Beatriz as Vaggie was pretty bad. Her delivery sounds like she was trying to make herself sound as deep as possible and it didn’t work.

Blake Roman as Angel Dust was fucking horrendous, although it does improve as the series goes on. His acting was like Dan Castellaneta did in Aladdin 2. He sounded like he was trying to do an interpretation of Michael Kovach and it doesn’t work. Likewise, Dan was doing an interpretation of Robin Williams, but he still very clearly is not Robin Williams. Blake’s voice acting for the egg guys was fine though.

Alex Brightman as Sir Pentious was honestly fine. I think it’s mostly just Alex being an obscenely good voice actor, because I didn’t realized he voiced Pentious until I looked up the cast while writing this post. Alex’s voice for Adam was also really good. He sounded very distinct from both Fizzarolli and Beetlejuice, despite clearly being voiced all by Alex. Pretty good.

Keith David as Husk was okay. He’s certainly on par with the pilot VA.

Joel Perez as Valentino sucked. He sounds like a completely different person every time he speaks.

Christian Borle as Vox was actually pretty good. I like it.

Lilli Cooper as Velvette was horrendously bad. British people don’t sound like that. I’d know. If you can find me a single goddamn person on this island who regularly speaks like Velvette, I will give you nothing because that person does not exist.

Everyone else wasn’t notable enough to get their own review.

The music

The music was okay. Most of the songs sounded fine. The lyrics mostly sucked, but the songs themselves sounded okay.

The characters

most of the characters were fine except when they weren’t. i want velvette to step on me

The writing

the writing sucked. a lot of the jokes just had swearing or sex as the punchline and it was bad and also not good. i’ve gotten tired while writing this so bye

vivziepop is also a shitty person still

[maoam]

DISSECTING SAKURA - WHY IS SHE SO TERRIBLE?

INTRO

I promised to write a post about Sakura’s character long time ago so here’s that now. If you want to read my Hinata post it’s here.

Sakura is a character that is very hated in the Naruto fandom. Many people acknowledge she’s one of the worst female characters in anime. And yet, she also has many dedicated stans that defend her character and insist she is simply misunderstood, that she’s actually a good shinobi and a person, or not as bad as people think. While there are many videos and essays about Sakura, my issue with them is that they often either praise Hinata who isn’t any better than Sakura or they do not acknowledge Sakura is supposed to be the way she is. She is intentionally written as an unlikeable person and she was never supposed to be inspiring or a positive character. I will try to explain this to you the best I can by dissecting her character. As usual, if you’re a fan of her character you might not want to see what’s next. This will be tagged under the anti tags so if you see it in the character tag that is not intentional.

SAKURA AS A SHINOBI

I will first focus on Sakura as a shinobi and her skills in fights since Naruto is a battle manga. Sakura is, as it's often acknowledged to the point of memes, pretty useless. A lot of her stans don’t understand why. She might get to punch once every 200 chapters or heal fodders but in the end she is featless. She is placed in many important situations where she does nothing to contribute or even gets in the way. This is not acceptable for a main character that has a lot of screentime. Naturally, this is something that annoys many people but it’s made even more annoying by the fact Sakura is constantly talking about how much stronger she has gotten and how she wants to be on par with Naruto and Sasuke.

In the beginning, during the bell test, Sakura doesn't even attempt to get the bells from Kakashi and only ends up fainting. In the Land of Waves, because Sakura was able to climb the tree due to her chakra control, she became smug and overconfident and thought she doesn't need to train. Which is funny considering she does nothing except stand around during an actual fight while Naruto and Sasuke actually contribute to the fight with the main antagonists. She's tasked to protect Tazuna, yet she can't do that either, but Kakashi has to intervene and get injured. It’s also worth mentioning Kakashi pointed out that during the tree climbing Sakura was able to control her chakra better because she had little chakra to begin with. Thus Kishimoto establishes very early on Sakura as someone who brags and overrestimates her own skills.

In the Chunin exams, Sakura hopes that Naruto and Sasuke aren’t foolish enough to cheat during the written exam, and she’s sure that she can answer the questions based on her knowledge. But what she doesn’t realize is that the real intention of the test is for the takers to use their observation and deductive skills to gather information and cheat. We find this out in the same chapter through Sasuke. Sasuke, unlike Sakura, realizes that the test makers want them to act like a shinobi. Sakura is book smart and a rote learner, but as we have seen in the Land of Waves and what we will see in the rest of the Chunin exams, being book smart won’t help her on the battlefield. Kishimoto wanted to show us that Sakura is just someone who brags and thinks she’s got everything under control, despite the fact she’s not the right kind of smart to be a shinobi, she doesn’t think like one.

In the Forest of Death, we then see she isn’t able to actually put anything into practice and Naruto and Sasuke again do all the work, while Sakura does nothing except stand around, scream and cry. Sasuke even has to yell at her to stop merely standing around. Eventually though, when Naruto and Sasuke are knocked out after the encounter with Orochimaru, Sakura has no choice but to protect them from Orochimaru’s henchmen. But she of course fails. She sets traps that fail, and gets mocked for her amateuristic skills by her opponents. We see characters like Kiba are able to put up traps that actually work, but Sakura who is supposedly smart isn’t. Then Rock Lee arrives to her rescue. After he gets beaten up, Kin grabs Sakura by her hair and calls her out on her vanity and tells her she should have trained more, which is basically what Sasuke did at the beginning of the arc, when he told Sakura if she has time to flirt maybe she should use that time to learn a jutsu or two. In the chapter cover she is also seen brushing her hair in front of a mirror in the forest, so Kishimoto makes it pretty clear Sakura is someone who cares a lot about her looks even during a mission. Kishimoto uses the villains to point out Sakura’s flaws, since the main characters can’t do that considering she is one of the main characters. So we see Dosu point out Sakura’s lack of observation skills and talent, and Kin point out her vanity and boy chasing personality. Sakura then dramatically cuts her hair and gives a speech on how she wants to walk in front of Naruto and Sasuke and wants them to look at her back. Despite the little fight she puts up, she is easily beaten down and is saved by Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji, before Sasuke wakes up and beats up Orochimaru's henchmen, driving them away. Sakura acted like this was going to be her moment, yet it wasn't at all. She had five other characters, 4 of them supporting characters, all of whom showed much better ninja skills than her, come to her rescue.

During Sakura and Ino's match, Sakura starts boasting how Ino is nowhere near her level. What happens is despite her bragging, she falls right into Ino's trap. Unlike Sakura, Ino actually used her wits and shinobi like strategy during the fight, using Sakura’s ego against her to successfully trap her. But because Naruto yelled Sakura's name, her inner Sakura somehow interrupted the fight and it ended in a tie. I think Ino should have won this fight but regardless it didn't make Sakura look good, just an overconfident brat who got lucky.

The rest of Part 1 Sakura spends moping over Sasuke and getting one-paneled by Gaara in the Konoha crush arc where she again becomes a damsel in distress to no one’s surprise. Her uselessly holding a kunai has become a meme because she does it many times during the series. Despite being a liability to her team she never thinks about how to better her skills nor tries to train. After Sasuke leaves and Sakura fails to stop him, she goes to Naruto and begs him with tears in her eyes to bring Sasuke back. Considering how many support characters have contributed massively in Part 1, a main character like Sakura achieving nothing just puts it into perspective how useless she really is. She has been a damsel in every single arc. When Naruto fails to bring Sasuke back, Sakura decides to ask Tsunade to train her, and tells Naruto next time she will go with him to get Sasuke back. The thing is, she should have had the resolve to train and change herself already before Sasuke left. She should have realized she put her team constantly in jeopardy by being weak. She read all about what life of a shinobi entails yet she seemed to treat it as some playground where she can play damsel while everyone around her protects her. It’s only when her crush left and Naruto failed to bring him back that she bothers to make an effort.

At the start of Part 2, Kakashi gives Naruto and Sakura yet another bell test, and Sakura shows some potential by showing off her chakra punch. But in the end, they manage to finally get the bells due to Naruto's plan. Some people act like Sakura is the smart one in team 7 yet she constantly fails to showcase this smartness of hers. Next, team 7 is assigned by Tsunade to rescue Kazekage Gaara. Sakura swears that this time, she will save both Naruto and Sasuke. Again, she sets up a high goal for herself, only to never achieve it. Sakura does however, mix up an antidote to heal Kankuro after he got attacked by Sasori. Next Chiyo and Sakura get ready for a fight with Sasori. Notice how this is the only fight where Sakura actually manages to not fail? It's because Chiyo is literally directing her moves, both verbally and physically. But I will give her credit for using the antidote to survive Sasori's poison, and taking the hit for Chiyo. Sasori was also apparently suicidal and didn’t avoid the last hit but I don’t dwell on that too much.

Now I need to mention something that is very important to note when it comes to Sakura’s character writing. Whenever Sakura does anything she’s complimented countless times by Kakashi, Chiyo, Sasori, and basically everyone she comes across. Kakashi starts to talk about how she might be able to surpass Tsunade, just because she punches the ground once in front of him. Chiyo hails her as a girl who can surpass Tsunade as well, before even seeing her fighting abilities. Hashirama thinks her power might be greater than Tsunade’s despite not even seeing what his granddaughter can do. And this goes on and on. This is Kishimoto intentionally raising up the audience's expectations, only to later intentionally bring them down. Superficial readers think she is smart and could possibly surpass Tsunade because other characters say so, but people who actually read the manga and pay attention can see that Sakura never lives up to the expectations placed on her.

Right after this arc, Sakura goes back to being useless and not contributing much especially considering the screentime she gets. Despite being able to avoid Sasori’s attacks with the help of Chiyo, in the Tenchi Bridge arc she gets first knocked out by Kabuto's flying butt because she's not watching where she's going, and needs to be saved by Yamato. Then she doesn’t let Yamato do his job and gets knocked out by Naruto's 4-tailed form, and needs to be saved by Yamato and healed by Kabuto. When they finally meet Sasuke she charges at him with no apparent strategy and needs to be saved by Yamato again, who gets injured in the process.

So after the entire part 1 of being useless, and 15 chapters of not being useless, Sakura needs to be saved multiple times by Yamato while contributing nothing. To people who paid more attention when reading the manga, this arc made them realize Sakura was never gonna change and this is how her character would always going to be. But others were still starstruck by the previous arc, and would only realize it later.

In the Akatsuki Suppression arc she pretty much does nothing worth mentioning. She is tasked to go help Shikamaru but the latter has already taken care of Hidan by himself. In the Itachi Pursuit arc she doesn’t do anything either, but only follows the dogs tracking Sasuke’s scent. In the Pain arc a lot of characters contribute in the fight against Pain, even Konohamaru who is just a kid manages to defeat one of the paths of Pain, while Sakura is again shown crying and screaming for Naruto. What was that about saving Naruto and Sasuke? If she’s so strong as she acts like she is she could have at least tried to buy some time for Naruto instead of crying like a total whimp.

There’s also a constant pattern of Sakura trying to demonstrate her "powers" or "strategy" and failing. This happened again in the start of the Five kage Summit arc when she tried to fight with the Kumo warriors, got immediately facekicked to the ground and had to be rescued by Naruto yet again. And this is not even the worst. In the same arc she attempts to take down Sasuke by herself, drugging her teammates so they can’t help her, and ends up failing when Sasuke figures out what she’s trying to do and she needs to be saved first by Kakashi and then by Naruto. As always, she aims too high and falls flat on her face. She ends the arc moping how she can’t do anything except to trust Naruto. Of course, Kishimoto doesn’t forgot to mention that Sasuke is resistant to poison, so Sakura’s attempt of killing him whether she succeeded stabbing him or not would have been futile either way. Again, she is failing to come even close to her own goals she set for herself. She is once again a liability that needs saving. And so the audience is frustrated and annoyed with her character. They are thinking, why is this girl who is constantly bragging about her skills constantly making a fool out of herself, crying pathetically and needing to be rescued? Well, that would be because she is supposed to be a person who is completely misguided about her own skills.

In the war arc, Sakura isn’t any better. The war arc only amplifies what we already have seen and know. That Kishimoto uses subversion to show Sakura’s character as overall irrelevant, and to show she’s all talk. In part 1, Sakura is said to be smart and she boasts about her skills yet she can’t do anything in an actual fight, but has to be saved by multiple characters, including Naruto, whom she considered inferior to herself. This of course made people annoyed with her character. When part 2 started, other characters were again commenting on her potential and how she had supposedly grown. So many people got hopeful that she had actually grown a lot and changed. And yet, as I have pointed out, she tried to show off many times and failed miserably. Which made people even more frustrated with her. Because they had gotten their hopes up. The Five Kage Summit arc was definitely the ultimate breaking point. After Sakura’s ridiculous attempt to manipulate Naruto, her drugging her teammates while leaving them defenseless on the ground and her trying to take down Sasuke and failing, she was certified as the fandom’s laughing stock. But some of her stans still remained, and thought she would redeem herself. Somehow.

Then comes the 4th shinobi war. Sakura has mostly been in the background healing people, but when Sasuke shows up, she is suddenly motivated to show off for real. She even gets pissed when Naruto is about to go with Sasuke and suggests to her that she could take a break. Sakura insists she is also part of team 7 and that she surely can keep up with the two of them. We have a panel hyping up Team 7. Then Sakura gets a moment to make a big punch after which she boasts and thinks she’s better than Tsunade, insulting the latter in the process. But she’s not paying attention to her surroundings and needs to be saved by the boys, after which she starts to boast how she will steal the Hokage seat from Naruto and how now they will all fight together with their backs to each other. She then reaffirms herself that she has finally caught up to Naruto and Sasuke. This level of arrogance needs to be backed up, otherwise the audience will get annoyed. And it did annoy a big portion of the fandom, considering they had seen for the past 600 chapters or so Sakura talking about how she wants to be on par with Naruto and Sasuke, how she won’t be a liability anymore and it all leading to nothing except disappointment after disappointment. Sakura’s confidence and ego are greatly disproportionate for someone of her capabilities, which a big part of the audience notices, whether consciously or subconsciously. And this is of course intentional.

She is left on the sidelines again when Naruto and Sasuke are too busy being ”the main act” and fighting perfectly in sync. Sakura has to ask Hinata what is even happening with the two of them. Sakura keeps healing people, but eventually Naruto’s chakra starts to help her with the healing.

Then we get to one of the most infamous moments with Sakura, that resembles another infamous moment in the Five kage summit arc, when she tried to take down Sasuke with a poisoned kunai. In this moment Obito is asking Sakura to stab his rinnegan eye with a kunai. In both moments, she can’t come up with a resolve to use her kunai but just trembles centimeters away from her target. Taking her time shaking she then gets attacked by her opponent, and ends up being saved. In both cases, she wastes her chance because she’s a total whimp who has no resolve to do what she pretends she can do. And thus, the audience is annoyed once again. And the people who always knew what she was like make fun of her.

But Kishimoto won’t stop there. In the very same chapter, when Sakura is trying to heal Kakashi, Naruto takes over and not only heals him but also gives him a brand new eye, something Sakura of course isn’t able to do. Healing was the only thing she could do and even that was taken from her! So much for her being a relevant member of Team 7 who is on par with Naruto and Sasuke.

Kakashi then starts reminiscing about Team 7, and it ends with him reminding the three about his first lesson, which was team work being the key to success. So what happens?

Sakura begans to once again nurse her own insecurities and tries to show off to satisfy her own ego by charging at Madara and telling the boys to follow her. She has no idea of Madara’s strengths and weaknesses and what would you know, her punch is stopped and she gets stabbed in the chest and is once again rescued by Naruto. And what does she do? Mopes that Sasuke doesn’t pay attention to her nor seems to care. She cares more about showing off to Sasuke than defeating Madara, even when this is about a threat to the whole world. What a great shinobi. It’s a callback to part 1 when she moped over the fact Sasuke didn’t care about her climbing the tree. Just like with her shaking with the kunai, it’s just another moment that shows she never truly changes. Not in ways that matter.

And then we see Naruto and Sasuke actually fight Madara, and Sakura literally just stands there in awe of them. She’s shook by Madara’s power which she obviously had no clue about. Of course Sakura still tries to go after the boys but Kakashi stops her and says it’s pointless to do so unless she has a plan. And she stops, and stares at Naruto and Sasuke’s backs as they disappear. Hah. She once again, has failed to achieve the goal she sets for herself. Kishimoto hyped up team 7 yet constantly showed Sakura failing and being left behind, despite how much she claimed she could keep up with the two of them. The way Kishimoto writes her, by making Sakura herself or others hype her, and then showing she’s actually lame is very consistent and relentless.

Taking into consideration that she’s a main character, and all the times that she’s promised major improvement, what we received was just pathetic. When you add it to the fact that she’s a member of such an over-achieving team, it makes her look pitiful in comparison. But it’s supposed to be. Don’t even think this is unintentional from Kishimoto. Sakura was supposed to be someone who never changes.

SAKURA’S PERSONALITY AND HER RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS

Now a little more on Sakura’s personality and the way she interacts with others which is definitely one of the reasons why many people hate her.

In the beginning, she is introduced as a shallow girl who is focused on her looks and getting the attention of the popular boy in the class, rather than being a good shinobi. She gets called out on her vanity by not only Sasuke but also by her enemies. She is pretty quick to give up on the bell test which annoys Sasuke. One wonders why is she even a shinobi when her resolve is so weak. She beats and berates Naruto and is only able to treat him better by mimicking Sasuke. Despite Kakashi’s comments on all of them maturing Sakura hasn’t changed at all at the start of the Chunin exam arc but she keeps asking Sasuke on dates instead of training and also squeals for him like a fangirl. She mopes that she’s not good enough for the Chunin exam and only gets motivated when Sasuke compliments her. This type of shallow and weak characterization made many people instantly dislike her.

In the chunin exams we also find out she broke her friendship with Ino after she found out Ino liked Sasuke as well. This is something that gave more background to her character but at the same time made people dislike her even more, since Ino is someone who reached out to Sakura and helped her build her self-esteem yet Sakura simply dumped her and started a catty rivalry over Sasuke. In Part 2, they only interact once, and during that moment Sakura wants Sai to call Ino ugly. You can’t really call it a beautiful friendship when Sakura is constantly shown as catty and the only person who does anything for the other is Ino. It’s Ino who reaches out to Sakura. It’s Ino who comes to her rescue in the Forest of Death. It’s Ino who compliments her after their match. What has Sakura done for Ino other than wanting her to be called ugly and teaching her kid to keep Ino away from Sasuke?

During Sakura and Ino’s match, Kakashi says Sakura isn’t the type to brag and bully others, even when we have seen her do both constantly. Already in the Land of Waves she bragged how she doesn’t need to train despite not being able to do anything in a fight. She also constantly berates Naruto and acts superior to him, aside from punching him all the time over nothing. Sakura having a bloated sense of superiority and tendency to brag about her skills is a consistent character trait of hers. But she never manages to truly back up her arrogant attitude but comes off as weak and overall irrelevant, which is yet another thing that makes her an unlikeable character in the eyes of the audience. In the war she also insults Tsunade, the one who taught her, while boasting how she is better than her like she’s some badass when she is far from it. When has she created her own jutsu or made anything revolutionary? During the same chapter she also brags how she’s gonna steal the Hokage seat from Naruto. Yes Naruto, the guy who keeps saving her useless ass all the time.

Speaking of Kakashi, he is a character that Kishimoto used in his writing as someone who treats Sakura with kid gloves and coddles her. This is one reason why some people defend her character, and why some people ship the two of them. If you’re a Sakura stan, it must feel validating when some character constantly defends your fave’s stupid behavior. But Kakashi is someone who not only admits to not understand Sasuke, but also someone who clearly doesn’t understand Sakura, as we see from the earlier image how Sakura’s behavior contradicts with Kakashi’s claims since the beginning. Basically, if you need to know how Sakura really is like, just flip what Kakashi says about her and you’ll know. Since Sakura is part of the main team, Kishimoto needed some character to defend her behavior so she wouldn’t be confronted about it too much. But smart readers aren’t fooled. It’s also worth noting that Kakashi tells Sasuke Sakura still loves him despite the fact Sasuke tried to kill her, while conveniently omitting the fact Sakura went there to kill Sasuke herself. This makes Kakashi look hypocritical but Kishimoto needed some character to do this because of Boruto, and it’s not like he was gonna use Naruto, the one he himself called Sasuke’s ally.

Then we have Sakura’s hypocritical behavior, that Kishimoto also consistently portrayed. During Sakura and Ino’s match, Sakura says Ino is a girl who is focused only on her looks and that she wouldn’t want to be on the same level with her, despite the fact Sakura herself was shown brushing her hair in the Forest of Death and getting dragged for her vanity. She also got upset and hit Naruto when he tried to pee in front of her, saying she’s a lady, yet thought to herself how she would like to see Sasuke pee in front of her. When trying to plead to Sasuke to not go, Sakura says revenge won’t bring anyone happiness, but when it doesn’t work she flips completely on what she said and asks Sasuke to take her with him so she can help him. Even if she acts like she cares about Sasuke’s well-being, what she really cares about are her own feelings. Sasuke unsurprisingly finds this annoying as do many readers. Sakura makes fun of Naruto and insults him, yet gets enraged when Sai calls her names and she proceeds to hit both him and Naruto. She also gets mad at Konohamaru and Naruto for their sexy no jutsus, yet when Konohamaru showed her hot boys naked, one of them being Sasuke, she went all gaga over it.

Sakura is also introduced as a bully who beats Naruto up and mocks him in front of Sasuke who then proceeds to call her out on her terrible behavior. In this chapter, Kishimoto made Sakura call Naruto ”annoying” and then made Sasuke throw her own insult back at her when Sakura mocked Naruto, by calling her annoying. Something that is worth noting is that while Sakura also reacted to Lee badly at first, after he saved her she didn’t do anything bad to him anymore. Yet while she later realizes she was wrong about Naruto’s resolve, and that he cheers for her when she needs it, and that he saved her countless times, she keeps beating him up over nothing and berating him. She still keeps calling him stupid and acting like she knows better. This is why whenever she cries for him, it’s hard to feel any liking to her, because she comes off as more like a poser who will surely soon bash his head in if he dares to behave like himself, or drop him for the sake of Sasuke. Her treatment of Naruto is unreasonably bad at times, but it’s easily explained. In the beginning we find out Sakura dislikes Naruto because she thinks he comes between her and Sasuke. And we see many instances where this notion is amplified by the text. But Sakura is too delusional to understand the reason there is distance between her and Sasuke is simply because Sasuke isn’t interested in her, she’s too shallow and juvenile for him to pay attention to.

Her fake confessing to Naruto and trying to manipulate him made a lot of people lose all respect for her. She also showed she knew so little of Naruto she accidentally managed to tap into all of his insecurities in her confession. She also somehow believed Naruto was really chasing Sasuke for her sake and that he would give up if she offered herself to him.

Her second confession to Sasuke is also very telling of her jealousy of Naruto and Sasuke’s bond. She yells how she can’t exchange blows with Sasuke, how she can’t get close to him, how the only thing she can do is cry and beg. Considering how Naruto is the one who is about to exhange blows with Sasuke yet again, and how Sasuke after their fight talks about how Naruto kept coming closer to him, Sakura is clearly thinking of Naruto when she is having this meltdown. Sakura was shown to be jealous of Naruto’s improvement and skills in Part 1, but she is also jealous of Sasuke’s care and love for Naruto, which she wants for herself and thinks she is entitled to. Even at the start, Kishimoto said Sakura thinks Naruto stole Sasuke’s first kiss which she thought belonged to her. It’s no different at the end of the series. Her outburst is her fighting for what she thinks is rightfully hers, Sasuke, despite the fact he has given no indication that he loves her. But this makes sense. Afterall, we see Sarada come between Ino and Sasuke while Sakura laughs nervously in the background. Despite everything Ino has done for Sakura’s sake, she still sees her as a threat, to the point her own kid is doing the dirty work for her.

Let’s talk more about Sakura’s relationship, or lack there of, with Sasuke. We know Sakura was portrayed like any other fangirl of Sasuke in the beginning, who liked his looks and how cool he was. She never tried to approach Sasuke as a friend but only kept asking him on dates despite his blatant rejections. She never says why she loves him, or even likes him. According to herself Sasuke never says anything to her. Her first confession showed how little she understood Sasuke. She was the girl with everything, with family, while Sasuke and Naruto had nothing. Yet she had the nerve to say if Sasuke left she would be just as lonely as he was. She’s comparing the massacre of Sasuke’s family to a boy she never talks to leaving her, while disrespecting her own parents in the process. How juvenile that must have sounded like to someone like Sasuke. In Part 1 Sasuke occassionally protects Sakura because she’s too weak to protect herself, and in part 2 Sakura probably wanted to entertain the thought Sasuke would still have this consideration for her. But in Part 2 Sasuke treats Sakura like a fodder ninja. She doesn’t manage to get a proper reaction out of Sasuke who focuses on Naruto everytime he meets up with his former team. Sasuke also leaves Sakura to die couple times while choosing to save Naruto instead. Despite all this, Sakura still thought she’s entitled to Sasuke, and in her second confession she started to yet again scream how much she loves Sasuke and how much she hurts due to it. In both of her confessions she is guilt tripping Sasuke and trying to make him pity her. In both of her confessions she makes everything about herself. She admits to herself she can’t do anything for Sasuke, yet she tries to win him over by pity. But she annoys Sasuke once again, and he puts her in a murder genjutsu. Sasuke then says they have no reason to love each other. And he’s right. What does Sakura know about Sasuke? Clearly nothing, considering she said the worst things she could have said during both of her confessions. She heard Sasuke talk about wanting change, yet she started to scream how if Sasuke stays with her, things can go back to how they were. It’s like the most basic things she doesn’t understand. She’s just an overemotional child who has nothing of worth to say. Kakashi who coddles her tries to talk to Sasuke on her behalf as well, insisting Sakura suffers for loving him. Sasuke then thinks of his family and says perhaps those are ties to a failed past. As in Sakura literally lives in the past. And she does. Despite the fact everything has changed, she thinks about the moment when Sasuke thanked her, and ignores him calling her annoying for her ignorant comments, or the fact someone who wants change obviously doesn’t want to go back to the way things were. This brutal rejection though still won’t slow Sakura down, but after Sasuke is leaving to his atonement trip Sakura blushes like a school girl and asks to come with him. After him mocking her and putting her in a genjutsu, this is what she does.

And Kishimoto still won’t stop there. After all of Sakura’s boasting that ended in failure, after the brutal genjutsu and her being made mostly irrelevant, we see her destroy her own house because her kid asked about her marriage with Sasuke and she got insecure. I have to ask how do some people not realize Kishimoto despises Sakura and writes her as a terrible person? She is a bad daughter who doesn’t understand how lucky she is but is ready to ditch her parents for an indifferent boy’s sake. She is a bad student who disrespects Tsunade for no reason. She is a bad friend who treats Ino and Naruto badly out of insecurity. She is a bad person who treats the target of her crush like an object instead of a person. She is a bad shinobi as well who is most of the time a liability. And she is a bad mother as well. When she’s insisting to Sarada that Sasuke cares about them, she’s sweating and looking nervous, she’s clearly not confident in what she says. Kishimoto also drops two implications that Sasuke never kissed Sakura. Because that is apparently important for us to know. Sakura then tries to insist a forehead poke is better than a kiss. Yet when Sasuke is leaving, she is waiting for a kiss and not a poke. And she is rejected, and looks like a wet rag just like everytime Sasuke rejected her before ever since she was a kid. It’s hard to think of a female character that is more pathetic than her.

And yet, we have SS insisting Sasuke surely knew Sakura could take care of herself, that’s why he left her to die and saved Naruto instead, who didn’t need saving. Surely Sasuke thinks about Sakura as an individual and not just a member of team 7. Despite the fact we have never seen Sasuke think about Sakura outside of team 7 context nor say anything about what he likes and admires about Sakura. Surely Sakura is the most important person to Sasuke, that’s why Kishi wrote Sasuke say to Hagoromo, to Naruto and to himself that Naruto is the only one he still cares about. That’s why Kishimoto wrote Sasuke say Naruto is the only one who never gave up on him. That’s why he wrote Sasuke say Naruto alone saved him. Despite the fact Sakura wanted to be part of saving Sasuke with Naruto, Kishimoto would never let her. Because he doesn’t like her, or SS.

As a final note, a lot of the manga revolved around the importance of family and bonds, yet Sakura, the girl who had parents unlike the rest of her team, is shown to disrespect them everytime she brings them up. And she’s never redeemed on this. This is also intentional from Kishimoto, of course. Sakura is too selfish, too ungrateful and shallow to understand what she has. She’d rather chase a guy who keeps rejecting her like he’s some trophy she owns, all the while trivializing his pain over the loss of his family, by acting like she understands. And she’s ready to throw away her parents, her friends, and her dignity for the sake of this guy who was never interested in her. What’s worst is she had many opportunities to change and mature, yet she choose not to. And thus she remained the same self centred, superficial person she always was.

Actually this is the final note: @sneezemonster15 is a co-creator of this post. She has also talked about Sakura on her blog, for example that war arc part here. Another example is here (but you can just generally go through her anti-sakura tag). But I wanted all this on one big text since certain people are very stubborn about us “picking” supposedly minor things to bash Sakura for when this is throughout the whole manga. And since tumblr doesn’t let her add more than 10 images to a post for some reason I decided to write this down.

[franki-lew-yo]

An 'A-ha!' fandom moment, ft. The Owl House

These comments I screencapped from a user I watch elsewhere really hit like a brick in the face to me. I'm blotting out OP's name, mostly cuz this was just a shower thought they had rather than any meaningful open discussion with people, but it ended up making me realize something (also NO they're not some contrarian AntiSJW type or even hate TOH; they're a very gay+trans writer themselves. Sorry if youknowwhoyouare sees this and recognizes ur posts but you don't allow reblogs or comments and I wanted to present it on my own):

The Owl House was always hampered by being killed halfway through, writing wise and that will always be it's greatest 'sin'. However, OP's comment made me realize how much the show kind of tells you it's characters are flawed rather than actually give them arcs to suggest it, especially in season 1. When I say flawed I don't mean lacking quirks that are relatable but human: Eda is a recluse criminal; King thought he could kill people and acted like it; Luz is a genki girl; Amity starts off as a bully; Hunter...is unfortunately Hunter, ect. Those ARE flaws, character wise, but in the presence of the complete story (as complete as the show will ever be) they really aren't actually flawed, bad people in anyway.

Before I go further, two things: 1, IN ALL FAIRNESS, this is why myself and others particularly LOVE the characters and why TOH was a comfort show for me rather than a 'high-tension narrative'. The characters are a lot of what you want and hope to be like and I think that's really sweet and enjoyable, especially for horror and especially for kids.

2, NO! I DON'T think any particular bad faith cartoon reviewer opinions about coddling certain characters and punishing others IS WHAT DANA and co did at all here! Steven Universe and certain crap-reviewer's takes ON Steven Universe and how it's characters were flawed but overly forgiven by the fandom the show itself are NOT the b-all end-all of this discussion, nor are they the reason The Owl House is the way it is!

The context op was talking about was how in the upcoming hate crime The Last Airbender live-action show the showrunners are going to tone down Sokka's sexism because they think it's 'unlikable'. Even though, we all knew as children that this was an arc for him and it was WRONG, so axing it because we the audience lack nuance to recognize characters we love doing problamtic-sisms is BEYOND annoying.

Op's point is how The Owl House in particular doesn't actually expect much or want much out of it's characters. Or audience. For any infighting early on about how much Amity should 'die' because of reasons, that's really just fandom infighting when you get right down to it. There's nothing on par with the disagreement people have over, say, the Diamonds from Steven Universe and how Steven 'totally forgave them or 'should have murdered them in cold blood' about The Owl House. And like...from a fandom point of view that's good, but otherwise the show is pretty concrete the way you're supposed to see certain characters vs other shows which allow you to make up your own mind.

Avatar, Star vs the Forces of Evil (pre finale), Centaurworld and Amphibia all showcase your protagonists being genuinely, intensely flawed. Sure, maybe some neckbreather crap-pseudocritic complains that they 'made the unlikable' or whatever (i.e. me with Friendship is Magic) but overall the actual point is HOW the characters actually have grown and have ended up with the ending and morality they need. The villains, no not Zukos or 'redeemed' villains who joined the protagonist squad, VILLAIN-villains, will always be at least one serious step behind the protagonists and that's what give the protagonists the cautionary wherewithal to end them like they should and not 'be like them'. It's such a fufilling narrative, there's a reason people like it so much because it's really good when it's delivered well.

Removed from my fandom gaze; the Owl House feels like it's saying it has that ultimate messaging and character arc when it actually doesn't. Your protagonists have the endearing aspirational-part totally covered, but as far as the actual 'edge' and nuance? Well...

Eda is, at most, naughty. She really isn't any kind of morally sidetracked character. She's an outlaw because literally her society is awful to her and she's in the right to be against it. She's cursed but she's not addicted to her potions or hiding it or not really taking care of herself or her loved ones because of it. Her actual biggest flaw is that she's been 'running away' from problems rather than dealing with them, but I'd be lying if that wasn't suggested more than it's actually portrayed; or at least, dealt with fast enough in "Eda's Requiem". A bigger issue I see, even if it's what's also endearing about her, is that she REALLY isn't a flawed caregiver at all. It's portrayed as her most redeeming feature that she's otherwise a good mom and mentor, but Eda having virtually no problems in raising Luz and King just, again, makes her feel ONLY aspirational. All of the angst about 'failing' to parent and making up for it is moved all onto Camilla and sadly all of that angst for her is mostly within an already bloated episode. Eda, while an absolute mood, lacks any real kind of edge. Does she need it or not? I don't know. Discuss, kids.

Luz, like OP says, is treated like this high-energy super-optimist. She's like Star Butterfly in that her fangirlism and impulsivness are supposed to get her in trouble. But, she absolutely just isn't one when you break it down. Besides episode 2, Luz really is never that inconsiderate or lost in her fantasies ever again throughout the show. She never has anything like what Steven goes through where he hops into Larz' body and makes things worse for people by trying to fix things- which is not only good filler but it calls forward to the ultimate ending of Steven's arc for the series - Luz is just sort of adorable. Luz has blindsided by hype moments of weakness, like when she accidentally hurts Owlbert or messes with Amity's secret room, but still always level headed and down-to-earth. Her impulses are always kind of treated like...excusable? Because, again, they usually are. This is a large part about what makes her self-hatred at the end of the show about accidentally helping Belos' feel 'forced'. Even MOREso than what Hunter and Daddy Titan explain about Belos using her, we the audience never see Luz's choice to go back in time and try and get answers from Philip as being anything other than just, you know, logical. Because it is. The show acts like what Luz did was reckless and bad and that she was SOOO overtaken by her fangirlism about Philip and now just how much she has to live with the guilt and regret of helping being duped by him...it just doesn't come off that way at all. She was only so much excited about meeting him and her interest was getting home to her mother. In terms of comparing her to Philip, that's all fine and good, but again it's not 'flawed'. Not really, anyway.

Lilith absolutely has it the worst...but I kinda think people know that. She arguably does have the most morally-gray turning point in the show given what she did to her own sister. But neither the characters nor her nor the show really hold her accountable in any lasting way for cursing Eda. Lilith is the closest we get to that 'Diamond'-dilemma. She does 'make things right way too quickly and it's obvious to even her biggest fans that her character is really rushed in this area. They lampshade what Lilith did and that she was their villain in season 2 and 2B, but lampshading isn't the same thing as progress. As a result, as a Lilith fan you kind of never really forgive her for what she did. None of that's her fault, cause' you know...she doesn't exist, but it makes it frustrating that you the fan watching the show is doing the heavy-lifting in your mind in this area.What you come away from is this feeling of loving the characters for being able to work everything out. They're engaging and nuanced in theory, but you also feel robbed, w or w/o the Disney interference, of them being fully rounded or WHOLE. It kinda feels like 'and suddenly, he wasn't racist, anymore' all the time with every character ever with except Amity's mom, the Titan Trappers and Belos.

The reason everyone dunks on Star vs the Forces of Evil's finale, (besides being salty over ship wars and declaring THAT'S the reason for the drop in quality) is that 'Cleaved' could have not only worked but REALLY worked. It just needed to be better written and processed as an ending. Instead people reviled Star, the protagonist we're supposed to be rooting for, for what feels like impulsive apathy and cruelty towards everyone else by destroying magic, as opposed to it being an actually selfless sacrifice that makes her different than Toffee. Ultimatley, I do prefer The Owl House, unfinished as it is, to any of that. But yeah... I can now never unsee the characters as being what they are: fun but indulgent when they're supposedly complex. Indulgent is never bad u guys, but the problem is when you only have that to go on while insisting you have fully developed characters, there's a lot of the show telling you how to feel and how to come away from it rather than letting you, the audience, make of that yourself. As annoying as fan-wars can be over this stuff and when people are either WAAAY to forgiving of their villain blorbo or form hate-campaigns over Glub Shitto for ruining their life, it is ultimately a good thing that shows give you that chance to really see the characters that way at all.

The Owl House is, as OP calls it, "tumblr feels" not for being gay and magical and fun and wholesome and indulgent like that stuff is GREAT. It feels 'tumblr oriented' in that it all kind of feels too easy even when it's not for your protagonists. It's never actually "challenging". I guess, in as far as 'good' indulgence is concerned, it's as warm and fuzzy and a happy AU fanfic you found but not so much the Pacifist Ending of Undertale where you really do feel bad if you rectify the good ending in anyway. It's fun and it's comfort food, but not entirely lasting as you want it to be???

Amphibia, I think, was also way better than Owl House in this respect. It wasn't perfect cause nothing is but you really got a feeling for HOW flawed Marcy, Sasha, the townsfolk and even Hop Pop throughout their arcs-- which made it so SO rewarding to see them get their happy endings and come together to defeat the core and be the better people they needed to become.

The Owl House is my favorite where I think Amphibia is the better of the two.

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Not Me, and Negotiating the Romance Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I offer thoughts on Not Me, GMMTV's first BL that decentralized romance to share space with an issues-based storyline.]

Yes! I feel like getting to Not Me on the Old GMMTV Challenge list was a touch of a milestone, as I engaged a good number of friends (including the wonderful @wen-kexing-apologist, @ranchthoughts, and @chickenstrangers, when we're not talking about Only Friends, ha) on their love and/or appreciation for Not Me.

Not Me falls into the sub-echelon of BLs on the OGMMTVC list that navigated romance storylines with what I call either issues-based storylines (as we also see in The Eclipse), or other genre-based storylines (such as crime storylines in Manner of Death and KinnPorsche). Manner of Death was the first of this kind of BL (or maybe it wasn't a BL?) to appear on the scene, premiering on WeTV, and Not Me was GMMTV's first foray into this world.

I'm going to break down this review into a couple of potentially non-congruent parts, and I hope this all comes together. I'm going to take a look at:

1) How successful Not Me was as a holistic story, facing competing sides from its issues-based storyline and the need to incorporate a romance storyline for OffGun/SeanWhite,

2) How the in-built sponsorships of the show reflected on the issues-based storyline that Not Me was telling, and

3) In an attempt to tie these two together, whether or not the DanYok storyline specifically was helpful or detracting from the success of Not Me as a complete drama.

I admire both Nuchy Anucha and Golf Tanwarin (of Not Me and The Eclipse, respectively) for tackling BIG issues in their BL-centered shows. From a narrative infrastructural perspective, I cannot imagine the writing and directing of these shows to be easy. I've learned a TON about the Western romance genre from @lurkingshan, my drama structure guru par excellence, because honestly -- while I've watched a lot of Asian dramas in mah day, noting which dramas nail it by either being rooted in or inspired by the Western romance genre in terms of their fundamental elements is something I'm still new to. (Thanks to @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm for reviewing this post in advance for accuracy!)

When I was first putting together the OGMMTVC watchlist, my general assumption about Manner of Death and Not Me was that MoD was not a BL, and that Not Me was a BL, by way of pure genre definition and the marketing of OffGun as the shipped leads of Not Me.

I discussed in my MoD review the debates between whether or not the show qualifies as a BL, and honestly, I think it's up to the eye of the beholder (and I had a lot of fun debating both sides). To me, MoD is first and foremost a very good and intriguing crime story (written by the EXCELLENT screenwriter, Title Nirittisai, also of the EXCELLENT BL, He's Coming To Me), regardless of the BL label/definition. And the romance between Bun and Tan (led by the wonderful MaxTul) was, to me, the icing on the cake of the successful crime story, not central to the solving of the mystery of the plot, but certainly a driver of the dramatic lift and impact of the show (and OF COURSE, it helps that MaxTul are just chef's kiss with their chemistry).

My drama friends and followers of the OGMMTVC know from my passing notes that I had quibbles about the structure of Not Me, keeping in mind that Manner of Death was able to decentralize romance while still keeping the BunTan coupling as a driver of the drama as a whole. After the first five episodes of Not Me, I was wondering.... what exactly am I watching here?

I admit: I'm not the biggest fan of anarchy, and extreme political movements as a whole. I'm more of an advocate for long-term change, and coalition-based advocacy. (I also experienced misogyny while engaging with anarchists back in mah day, and just -- that left a bad taste in my mouth.) It didn't sit right with me that multiple men in this show -- Black, White, and Gram, specifically -- all did not engage Eugene (played by the wonderful Film Rachanun) in prior explanations to their future actions. Generally speaking, when I see male anarchists either portrayed and/or acting in real life like that, I tend to check the fuck out.

I think that Not Me spent more time than necessary demonstrating that at the start of the series, these guys were acting out of their own set of uninformed and/or ill-informed concrete beliefs. What I did appreciate was that the show, over the course of the series, had the guys experience change by way of education (especially through their conversations with their classmate, Nuchy), and by the exposure to new minds in their space, namely White's approach to anarchic tactics being different, more measured, and more thoughtful than Black's. I think all of the guys (.... maybe except for Yok, but I'll get to that in a bit) ultimately demonstrated a much deeper and more intricate understanding of the complications of their beliefs, and how power functions in capitalistic societies, by the end of the series.

I spoke with @bengiyo and @lurkingshan when I was watching the series the first time around about how I felt the romance storyline of SeanWhite was a bit too fast in its implementation -- especially because, again, the first five episodes were so issues-based, and even the majority of episode 6 was based in the attempt to raid the drinks manufacturer.

But, @ranchthoughts reminded me that the first indication of Sean recognizing that White might be a man that he could love was at the start of episode 6, at the end of Gumpa's fake kidnapping raid -- when White said that he'd sell out his friends for the sake of saving Sean's life, and implored Sean to value his own life, which is something we could not imagine Black ever doing.

Thanks to @ranchthoughts's note, and a close rewatch of episode 6, I agree with her (thank you, Ranch!), and I think the series's transition to the SeanWhite romance through episodes 6 (the raid), 7 (the protest and the equality celebration) and 8 (the sleeping face-touching and the first kiss) was not as clunky as I first had experienced. Referencing @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm's notes to me (thank you, ladies!), it's also important to note that in relation to Sean's huge family loss earlier in his life: his hearing from an empathic person about the value of his life may not have been a message that Sean had previously been given.

All that to be said, though -- it's clear that Not Me had issues with that transition, if I had to rewatch the episodes to catch those nuances. Especially because an indication that this show either would be a romance (which it wasn't quite, exactly) or an issues-based show (which it was and wasn't), all wasn't very clear, even to the end. @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm, in the course of my writing this review, noted that parkour was an important piece to the storytelling -- I agree with that, and I might even argue that the early depictions of it (along with the cute dude pile, gotta love a cute dude pile) seemed to indicate a story moving away from romance and more towards an issues-based perspective.

While I spent a lot of words on this, I do feel that this a minor quibble, especially as I rewatched some episodes and I TRULY enjoyed AND LOVED the OffGun dynamic. Y'all know that I wasn't sparing in my critique of Third in Theory of Love, and I have to say: Gun's Third did not show his range. Gun was AMAZING IN NOT ME. I now know what y'all are talking about with his acting. His White VERSUS his Black -- oh my god. Brilliant. He kicked fucking ASS, and convincingly demonstrated character differences between White and Black. (I need to see Gun in more roles like that!) And also! I am an admitted Off girlie (cc @lurkingshan). And Off totally held it down in Not Me. I thought he was FANTASTIC, and despite the storyline not holding his transition to SeanWhite as smoothly as I would have liked, I think he held it together for a convincing deep-in-love posture by the end of the series. (And I must give it to OffGun for managing a fabulous intimate scene, which I know from @bengiyo was rare -- if not the first time that GMMTV had a sex scene in a BL. OffGun were fantastic, and I'm glad they held the mantle for that moment.)

And of course, OffGun gave us one of the most iconic moments in Thai BLs, one that I have loved going back to time and time again in the course of my processing this show.

(Source: @namchyoon!)

So -- speaking of a show being issues-based, I want to take a second to talk about the in-built advertisements in Not Me, from the Suzukis (POWER YOU UP!), to the Oishiis ("it's cold and fresh"), to the soy milk, everything.

Like I said earlier: I think Not Me demonstrated the growth of the guys in their education about the efficacy of their original anarchic tactics. Sean himself states that with White by his side, he will continue to fight for what's right. Not Me doesn't mince words with the issues that it examines -- but it does so alongside these in-built advertisements.

As an #old, I gotta hand it to Nuchy and team. I appreciate that the showmakers did not flinch away from the reality in which this show was made. I'm glad it was sponsored all over the place -- of course it would be, as an OffGun vehicle. The reality of a global capitalistic society was placed starkly AGAINST a dialogue of the pitfalls of that very kind of capitalistic society. It was a WELCOME juxtaposition. We literally could not have watched this particular show if it wasn't for the sponsorships -- who knows if it would have gotten made. I appreciate that this show demonstrated the kind of slow change -- that we NEED to make change in a world that doesn't change very quickly -- up against the stark political messages of the show itself.

I think that's sophisticated commentary. It didn't shy away from reality. For me, the show was summed up beautifully by Nuchy in the finale.

If I were to translate what Nuchy is saying here by way of the nature of the society that we have: we have rules in place. It's our biological predilection to want social order. We have customs in place -- like advertisements for shows. Can we change the paradigm on a dime? Not always. I thought it was courageous of Not Me to place those advertisements next to potentially hot political commentary (especially for a Thai government and conservative society that doesn't always take well to critical commentary) and serve it up to BL fans and drama fans alike, many of whom are younger and can contemplate positions like anarchic frameworks -- and to be creative about how to make good change happen from those positions.

(With this point, I wonder if it was truly Not Me's influence that allowed GMMTV to feel comfortable in its decision to air The Eclipse the next year without sponsorship funding. I hope so, and I'll get to that more during my The Eclipse rewatch later on in the OGMMTVC project.)

To tie up what I hope I can successfully bring together by way of an examination about romance and politics in this show: I really thought the DanYok side coupling was indicative (more so than the sponsorships) of the downfall of basic social expectations on a show like this. I totally see why DanYok is beloved -- listen, the chemistry that First Kanaphan has with EVERYONE is mind-blowing, let alone Gawin Caskey, a deep fave of mine. DanYok is definitely still a popular ship -- just check the tag on this site.

Anyone who reads around here knows that I'm not a fan of the branded ship pairings. That First is paired with Khaotung Thanawat now, another extraordinary actor, is so fabulous by way of pure talent, but damn it, I want them both to act with other people, too (I mean, for heavens' sake, Khao was paired with PAWIN in 55:15 Never Too Late, and they nailed it). And the economics behind them being paired with anyone else right now do not calculate, as FirstKhao are so successful as to be GMMTV's first pair to have an international fanmeet later this year in Brazil. It's the economics, in the end, that are driving this reality.

Going back to Not Me: it seemed to me that Yok's beliefs as an anarchist were set aside not for education (unlike Gram, who grew into an expanded belief framework through Nuchy), but for exposure to a really hot and artistically talented dude in Dan, who also happened to be a cop. And DanYok certainly provided a spicy edge to this show that could be comfortably marketed next to SeanWhite.

Now. I am extremely critical of the power cops hold. I also get, as a simp for dudes, the power of hot artist dudes. I get that Yok found Dan hot and appealing. I get it. If I were Yok, I'd be like, all ogly eyes for Dan, too. My man, I get it. But. If I had committed to my friends to not fuck up our work together for the sake of a crush, then I'd have to check myself. Separate work and romance, especially in dangerous situations -- that's advice that I'd give to my kids.

Yok's trajectory was unlike Gram's, in that Yok totally fell apart for Dan, seemingly forgetting the missions and values that he had committed himself to. I am ALL for change and growth (hello, Khai). Yok didn't seem to change. Yok seemed to trade his convictions (cc @bengiyo and @lurkingshan, thank you for the convo) to simp over Dan, a dude that, holy fuck, THEN sold his Yok and his crew OUT, AFTER admitting that he had killed Sean's dad. WOW. I mean, Dan's complicated! Yok might like complicated dudes, I respect that! But Yok seemed to totally forget, in the face of attraction and love, that he really had committed himself to his group that depended on his engagement for missions, and -- if you're gonna commit to a dangerous thing, at least don't leave your friends high and dry. And putting your trust in a cop that may -- and then DID -- sell you out is only just more problematic.

Did Yok redeem himself at the end? I think so, possibly. I think he showed critical awareness for the risk of his attraction to Dan. But I do feel like GMMTV played First a bit. Yok, Akk (also a cop), and now Sand. These are characters that are kinda givin' it up for the hot dudes. I want to see more backbone in First's characters. I'm not saying that I would have liked to see Yok as a one-sided character. But I think Yok's beliefs as an anarchy-inspired character, who traded his mindset in for love for a cop, could have been explored further. It wasn't, because there was SO MUCH else going on in the show (I haven't even mentioned Gram and Eugene, and Mond was SO GOOD as Gram), and I kind of think that the show added DanYok as a spicy BL romantic edge that really needed as much intricate ethical closure as only SeanWhite ended up getting.

Not Me was not a perfect show. I offer criticism here. But: I did VERY MUCH enjoy it, because it held a LOT, and I think Nuchy Anucha, as I said earlier, was extremely courageous for tackling ALL of what she did in this show. I love @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle's tags on this post that indicate that the show went very deep in depicting accurate protest postures in art and messaging. I will absolutely appreciate this show for showing me Gun's true range. This show makes me VERY happy for OffGun's return in Cooking Crush. Mond and Film, I loved them. I have quibbles about the way in which the show's issues-based message may have been undermined for the sake of DanYok's love story. But I love First, and I LOVE GAWIN. DanYok could have been leveraged better for something more enlightening than an attraction-based romance.

For a show that held a LOT, I think the majority of the show was successful. Not Me will be at the top of my list of shows that I'll want to rewatch, to enjoy SeanWhite's unique turn as a couple that continually, in every single episode, spent intentional time learning more about each other. The love they ended up developing, alongside the issues they believed in, ultimately came together convincingly, which was indeed a dramatically complicated and successful feat.

[Okay friends! NEXT! I have wrapped up 55:15 Never Too Late, and that review will drop next week. I added 55:15 for its rumored BL storyline and macro commentary about BL culture from a GMMTV lens. I gotta say: Khaotung Thanawat's storyline went way beyond BL. It was a gorgeous queer coming-of-age storyline that included playing against an older version of himself in Kob Songsit (Kinn's dad), and just -- it was surprisingly sophisticated and mature. I love that GMMTV het dramas do not shy away from queer storylines, and I think 55:15 provided some fantastic generational context for what it meant, and means, to be queer in Thailand over the course of decades. I can't wait to process it.

NOW! I SHOULD be starting my long-awaited Bad Buddy rewatch, for which I will need some time, and will take a brief break from writing reviews to pen Many Deep Thoughts. HOWEVER! I am also going to pause on the OGMMTVC to watch Cutie Pie and Cutie Pie 2 You, to get to know Zee x NuNew, as they seem to be the first Thai BL pairing to come to America next month. This is culturally important! I'm gonna do my ZeeNew homework.

So, after next week, I'll be on a bit of a break for a beat, but I'll be back real soon with the motherlode of honorary analyses for my fave Thai BL of all time in Bad Buddy.

Here's the status of the OGMMTVC watchlist. For a more up-to-date version, please check this link!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review coming) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (watching) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch For the Sake of Re-Analyzing a Politics-Focused Show After Not Me 39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults) 43) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 44) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 45) Only Friends (2023)]

[wishingyouback]

Clear Your Mind, H. Jisung.

synopsis: you're in a slump, and your boyfriend is there to help ease your mind even if you think takeout and movies aren't the perfect solution to a complete dead-end of ideas.

pairing: boyfriend!han jisung & reader

warning(s): none

You don’t know how it starts, but you do know how it ends.

“This is so cliche.” You hit the backspace button without a second thought, clearing the digital sheet of paper just to see a blank page all over again. A blank canvas to an artist, a field of imagination where your creativity holds no limits, to some. To you, all you see is your reflection when your laptop shuts down and mocks you of how irritable you find the situation to be.

You had one assignment.

All that you were required to do was to come up with an original story. An independent piece of your own with your own idea to present it, whether it be in the form of media, theater – your teacher was lenient when it came to the creativity of her students. You chose to stick to writing. It was easy, it was simple (no it isn’t). But the only reason you thought it was, was because writing always came natural to you.

It was like singing a song you memorized the words to or finding your favorite ice cream flavor and consistently sticking to it. Writing was a getaway for you. A gift, and a privilege that you cherished.

Which is why when you can’t seem to move past six words, you grow frustrated. You had to find something – inspiration to spark an idea of some sort. Maybe even staring at the gardeners outside your flat would do something.

Before you can move from your desk to the window by your bed, there’s a knock to a beat only one person could think of, and without you realizing it, your tense muscles relax at the thought of him alone.

“Hi,” you breathe out. Jisung doesn’t get to say anything when you slump your body onto him, relaxing your body weight for him to carry, which he does effortlessly. Your breathing slows to a normal pace and when Jisung remembers your text from earlier, he sets his things down carefully to hold you tighter.

‘Hey you,” he almost whispers into your ear when you hide your face in his neck. While Jisung is a naturally sensitive person, he doesn’t flinch when he feels your hair on the nape of his neck. He finds comfort in the way you can come to him for anything, good or bad, he likes being your person.

“I hate today.” You mutter into his shirt when you pull away, earning a laugh out of your boyfriend, “I’m serious. I couldn’t get more than twelve words out of my head and when I managed to write something, I scrapped it.”

“Why’d you do that?” Jisung frowns, thinking that even if a draft wouldn’t be up to expectation, it would be a way to get ideas too.

“Stop, I know what you’re thinking,” The both of you work in a clear rhythm, letting him set the food that he ordered down on the table first so the both of you can dig into it together. “I should’ve at least saved one draft regardless, right?”

When you look up from your unpacked takeaway, you see Jisung giving you a soft smile, a knowing look, then a nod.

“I didn’t think any of my drafts were good enough. At least on the level I want it to be.” You confide solemnly to Jisung. Though the both of you studied different fields, to a certain level, the advantage of Jisung being under the music department was that there were parallels to certain parts of your degree with his.

The one parallel you both have in common right now is that you needed inspiration, and Jisung knew how to deal with that. How to deal with slumps and drainage of energy when all you need to be doing is writing, producing or working until the product you’ve worked so hard for is up to par. But Jisung has also learnt to not set such high expectations on himself when he’s working himself down to the bone on most days. Most days you have to be the one to pull him out, and that wasn’t healthy, he was aware but it’s improved these days.

This time it’s his turn to pamper you and he’ll gladly take the chance to boost your mood whilst simultaneously trying to give you more inspiration for your paper.

“C’mon, we’re watching a movie.” Jisung drags you to your living room, carefully guiding you to sit on your sofa before comically skipping to your shelf of DVDs you have. “Now, what’s your choice of movie tonight, m’lady?” Jisung fakes a British accent, one that creates a giggle from you.

“Ji,” You laugh as you cover your mouth. “What’re you doing?”

“What do you mean?” He refers to the shelves of discs behind him, knowing how you have them arranged by the color and the width of their covers. “I’m helping my girl get her groove back by helping her relax.” He smiles.

When all you do is shake your head with a growing smile on your face, Jisung can’t help mirror it.

“Whenever I’m burnt out I think about things outside of my work or whatever it is I need to do, and I think that might help you as well, babe.” He slips out two random discs from behind him before walking up to you to present the two choices he’s picked.

He takes a quick glance at the two titles, “Alright, looks like we might either be watching Hercules or The Terminator — which I did not know you had a disc of, by the way.” He laughs as he waits for you to say something.

“You’re unbelievably charming, you know that?” You can’t help but laugh one more time as you point to the Disney film in his left hand. “Hercules, please.”

“So I’ve been told,” He winks. “Hercules it is for the lovely lady.”

Once Jisung’s settled in next to you on the couch with his legs propped up on the letterman you have sitting across the sofa and your legs curled up so your knees are resting on his thigh, you can't help but steal a glance at your loving boyfriend. The man who stole your heart, who was currently doing his best to do whatever he could to lift the worry off your shoulders and to help you get back to your work with a clearer head and a fresh set of ideas.

When Jisung hits the play button after adjusting the volume, he pokes your cheek then turns to look at you.

“I can feel you staring baby, what’s up?” He curiously asks as his eyes scan your face.

You nearly melt at the use of petname, knowing that no matter how often you hear it, it'll always make you feel all tingly and loved by the man you call yours.

You shrug playfully and lean in closer to him.

“Just love when you're with me.” You confess, almost feeling the way Jisung smiles widely without having to look up at him.

The opening to the film is starting to play, and you're gradually feeling yourself slip into the world of the animation and remembering just how much you adore this film when you feel Jisung kiss the top of your head, an action that's common from him.

“I love being with you, ___." He whispers and soon, the both of you are eating the takeaway and enjoying your evening impromptu dinner-slash-movie date together.

author's note.

oh writing how i've missed you SO!

thank you thank you thank you to those that have been liking, reblogging and patiently waiting for something new to be released. this imagine is fairly short and i did have ideas to make it longer but i might make a part 2 and have it just be a mini series of things jisung does to help you boost inspiration, but! overall i hope if you've read this far that you enjoyed this imagine and that it was up to expectation <3

my writing might be a little rusty as it's been a while, i apologise if there are any grammar mistakes, i'll fix those asap!!

signing off with all my love, saturn ☆

[authorred]

Loki Laufeyson/Odinson Confession Headcanons because it’s almost the end of my semester | Loki x gn!Reader

Masterlist

Preface: Loki is an extremely prideful being who believes ‘human’ feelings are beneath him, and that he is above every human in terms of everything. Well, good thing it’s just a major superiority complex.

I’m a sucker for dark haired lads with dark pasts--it’s chronic atp

Also I’M GOING TO GET TO THE REQUESTS IN MY INBOX I PROMISE!!!! Headcanons are just easier and faster to write (not to mention I’m also in class rn so yk)

Warning(s): None

Tags: Idiots in love, fluff, complexes, a god in love

Superiority Complex through the ROOF

Genuinely would rather die than ever admit he’s fallen for a human

When around you he’s his cocky, arrogant, sly, cunning self

But even then, he can’t help but catch himself staring at you longer than what’s considered appropriate

Has this internal mantra of you having to come to him and basically say despite you ‘not being worthy’ you’re asking for a ‘chance’ at his affection

Deep deep down he knows that just won’t happen

But he can always pretend

His pining gets so bad he finds himself lowering his pride/guard to you

It comes back up right when he realizes, and he brushes it off with a sly smirk and teasing words

You might not even realize he likes you because he is fighting TOOTH AND NAIL to keep it to himself

It might crack a little if he sees you interacting with Thor--the person who he considers the biggest thorn in his side

He’ll get quiet and his cunning and slyness won’t be up to par as it was

He won’t tell you what’s wrong (would probably call it ‘foolish’)

And then when he’s alone he’ll scoff to himself and start thinking ‘How did I ever let myself fall this low? Disgraceful’ because yk superiority complex

He wouldn’t be meaner per se, but his quips to you would definitely have more of an edge to them (in a bad way)

At first you could probably tolerate it, but after a while, you’re just like ‘Bro what the fuck’

When he realizes his words are actively hurting you, he feels bad

A part of him is just blaming himself as it always does--it’s consuming him, actually

He wants to apologize and say he wasn’t being genuine, but his pride and guard stop him

When you stalk off, Loki is left behind

He ruminates on himself for a little and will only muster up the courage to go to you if you’re alone

He will not go up to you if you’re with people--and certainly not Thor

When he does catch you alone, he tries so hard to get the apology out that you’re afraid he’ll pop a blood vessel

You wait patiently and quietly

When he does manage to get the apology out, he slowly starts to ramble on about why he decided to

Inadvertently confesses and he doesn’t catch it until a few words after

When he does, he quiets down, looks at you, turns, and leaves

You have to physically stop him from leaving

When you ask him why he ever felt like he couldn’t tell you, he doesn’t really offer a good explanation

He just gets very somber

His guard is down, his pride is not

You grab his hand and pull him to somewhere private

You have to gently prod him and ask him questions in order for him to say everything

He tries to be sly and teasing intermittently, but you just give him a tender look, and he ceases

He says he’s foolish, and you’re even more foolish if you actually return his feelings

You have to make clear that he deserves to be more than the labels that were forced on him

He is not inferior or superior to anyone; he’s Loki. And that is enough by itself

There’s a chance he’ll tear up, but it’ll be subtle

His pride is down

After a little bit of a heart-to-heart, he’ll actually say he’s in love with you (but in his own way--you’ll understand either way)

You ask if you can kiss him and he looks perplexed

He just gives a slightly hesitant, ‘Of course’

When you kiss him, it’s gentle and brief

He only closes his eyes when you’re pulling away

After a few seconds of processing it, he asks if he may kiss you as well

Soft, intimate kissing :)

Caress his cheek and he’ll whimper a little

Whenever you’re done kissing, he’ll quickly go back to his cunning self

His pride will be up, but his guard won’t be

He’ll be much quicker and more willing to drop his pride for you

He genuinely asks you why you wouldn’t go for Thor or Steve or even Tony

Say, ‘They’re not you. No one is. No one can’ and watch this man fall even more in love in real time

He might even say he doesn’t deserve you, but that’s a low chance--he might say it when in an extremely vulnerable position

Take him on dates and show him the wonders of whimsical human activities

He might roll his eyes and complain, but he’ll follow you, and do whatever it is you planned

[rdng1230]

10 things Easily fixable about That thing that happened: look, killing off Izzy Hands was always gonna hurt like a bitch. And it was a stupid decision, but what really made it worse was how many ways they could have made it better and specifically didn’t, so here’s a list in no particular order of general things that I think would’ve made things suck less, and a couple different story fix proposals. Maybe if I write it all out I can move on a little bit.

I know it was for budgetary reasons but it bothered me Ivan was killed off with one sentence and never mentioned again. I think what would have worked is if Ivan had been a little more fleshed out in s1, and then had him die on screen at the hands of a particularly dickish British naval officer in 2x01. Cut to episode 7 and said dickish Brit is Ricky’s number two. Izzy could have willingly and purposefully drawn the fire of officer asshole, as an acknowledgement of his failure to save Ivan and his past failures to be a proper protector of blackbeards crew, and to save the crew he’s now realized is his family that he is willing to die for. In addition I think that would’ve helped set up the British as being an actual formidable bad guy, because up to this point they were the most looney tunes ass villains on the high seas. Also it would’ve been an interesting symmetry to have the loyal pirate first mate vs. the loyal imperialist scumbag first mate. Think of the banter people.

I hate it when bad events in stories are predicated on having highly intelligent characters be complete idiots. You’re telling me Izzy fucking hands didn’t check noseless wonder for weapons? Fuck off. At least have a fellow soldier toss ricky a musket or something, or just have another soldier shoot him.

I think the main issue here is agency. Yes everyone consented to going into battle that way, but Izzy’s shooting was unceremonious, it wasn’t like he charged somebody or acted as bait, he just got hit by a stray bullet (It’s giving “your shirt” and I fucking hate it Iykyk)

Literally no one attempted medical intervention to help Izzy. Roach isn’t gonna stuff a rag in there? Jim isn’t gonna pass a knife to help rip Izzy’s clothes to visualize the wound? Fang and Frenchie aren’t gonna hold his hand? We’re not even gonna fucking try?!?!

if they had to center Ed’s issues with Izzy’s literal dying words, could we have at least have it be a big character moment for Ed to say “yes the crew is my family, but they’re yours too and I promise I’ll take care of them and make amends” like if DJ is so convinced of this father mentor thing (which seriously what the fuck is he even talking about) what’s more par for the course in this trope then the ole “you’re the man of the house now son you gotta take care of the family” routine

look, I know they got a short episode that they have to keep short. Cut a minute of time out of that breathtakingly awkward fishing sequence from the beginning and give Izzy’s death some breathing room. FFS the fallout from Karl’s and Lucius’s finger’s death had more reaction and more airtime than Izzy Hands (and more effect on the story)

Ricky fucking got away and no one talks about it. It would’ve been great if literally anyone had said “yeah we’re going after that guy” or “we may have won the battle but the British are always out there and one of these days we’ll meet again” just an acknowledgement that one guerilla battle at the republic of pirates was never gonna be the end of it.

this one hits close to home for me. I live on a boat, my mother is a licensed 100 ton ship captain. We’re seafarers goddamit and when we shake off this mortal coil we are buried (or cremated and scattered) at sea. Izzy Hands would not have wanted a land burial and he would’ve wanted to be buried at sea like the distinguished pirate he is, by the crew that became his family.

This segues into the burial at sea thing but maybe don’t bury him without his leg on, like just don’t do that. Don’t put his cravat and mothers ring where anybody could just come along and yank it off, Jesus.

I think frenchie being captain was a weird choice tbh. I love frenchie but he is a jester, a troubadour, a fae walking among us, the worlds handsomest grifter, but this dude does not want to be captain. However, if you had to make him captain I think it would’ve been nice to have had a scene post amputation where Izzy deliriously tells frenchie all these bits of advice about being first mate/captain and how Izzy had failed to be a good one in the past. I just loved the frenchie izzy bond in general and I would’ve loved another extra scene with them. This also would’ve lended itself well to frenchie being the one to outwardly grieve (the box opening up finally) during that minute of breathing room post death that I mentioned was needed earlier, maybe he would’ve reprised la vie en rose, or played a shanty/wake song that everyone could join in on.

I’m sure there are other things too that I’ve forgotten, but I think this covers most of it. Let me also say Izzy’s death was hardly the only issue I had with the finale, but that moment was the most egregiously and easily fixable (or at the very least mitigable) plot point. At the end of the day I think Izzy should’ve just not fucking died, but if they were gonna kill him, there were so many more respectful ways to do it.

[4me2knowandyou2wonder]

Teeth Headcanons for Modern Warfare Characters

no poll this time because I know the order i want to post them in! woo!

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR THE 141!! first up,

Gaz

At first I tried to say that Gaz was the only British one to get braces, but then I actually looked at his teeth and I realized I was wrong… he just kinda needs them. He’s never had them.

Gaz has a crossbite, (fig 1 & 2) and couldn’t pronounce words correctly when he was young because of it. Gaz went to speech therapy as a kid because of his crossbite. When his moms noticed that his speech was slurring and he was developing a lisp they quietly enrolled him in a class. He never minded, it was something fun to do on Thursday afternoons. He’s glad they did, without them, his voice probably would be far less clear. It’s why he moves his mouth the way that he does when he talks, (fig 3) he’s making room for his tongue to move to where it needs to go. 

Gaz never got braces, as much as he might have needed them, but his life path never lent itself to that. So his teeth are set up the way nature intended. His left canine sticks out and his lower incisors like to overlap every chance they get. And of course that crossbite is there. 

His anatomy was shaped in a way that let him keep his upper wisdom teeth but those two bottom suckers had to go. He got his wisdom teeth removed at 19, it is because of this there is a video on YouTube somewhere of him singing wheels on the bus.

Gaz brushes his teeth every night and every morning, except he *never* brushes them on missions. Doesn’t bother to carry a toothbrush on him. Knows he won’t use it. He also did not bother to floss until he met Alex, then the other man basically honda-dealership-sales-pitched him the idea, and Gaz now par-takes in the occasional floss stick thrown into his routine. Farah has taught him to oil-pull in that same conversation and he adapted it to just using mouthwash when he feels his breath smells.

While doing research for these headcanons I found a picture of his teeth. It changed all my ideas by a complete 180 but <3333 gaz my beloved. His teeth are so pretty and his cross bite??? It has my heart.

okay this is really old and now i have many more ideas about Gaz's speech patterns but I wanted to get back to posting these so I'll write that later in a separate post!

figures under the cut

Fig 1, 2

Fig 3

Bonus: Extra photo of gaz in that one scene because there can never be enough Gaz

[jennay]

I Wrote A Song

Request: Ok so I have an idea for a fluffy fic?? What if Noah’s gf is a musician too, and they’re on tour together 😭 and she writes a song about him, doesn’t release it til the day of this particular concert. but he doesn’t think anything of it til the middle of the song and his heart bursts out of his chest with love and cuteness😭 I just love fluff ok. You don’t have to! Just throwing it out there! Thought it’d be so fun.

Noah Sebastian x Reader

An: I rewrote this several times and than had siri read it back to me which was so confusing because she kept saying Noelle instead of Noah. Anyways enjoy! If you have more requests I'll just keep adding them to the list.

Also! Lyrics are not mine its a song by Ipravail- My Heart I Surrender. It's so good.

Noah Master List

Noah loved having you in his bunk with him. He cherished every moment he got to spend with you on this tour. He felt so lucky to share this adventure, see the world, and make music with you. You were his partner, his best friend, his soulmate.

Last year, you two were apart for so long, touring with different bands and barely seeing each other. You missed each other terribly, which took a toll on your relationship. You tried to stay in touch, but it was hard to find time and connection.

You felt lonely and frustrated and sometimes wondered if it was worth it. It wasn't because you stopped loving each other or anything terrible happened.

It was just that missing someone so much was too hard to bear, and you wondered if it would be easier if you let go. Would the ache in your heart fade away? The answer was no. It only hurt more when you tried to act like friends, knowing he still loved you with all his soul, and you felt the same way.

You and Noah could never be just friends. You had a bond that was deeper than friendship, stronger than distance, and more powerful than anything.

You realized you couldn't live without each other and decided to give your relationship another chance. You promised to make it work, no matter what. And you did.

Noah loved being by your side, supporting, encouraging, and making you laugh. He loved holding you in his arms, kissing you, making love to you. He loved everything about you.

Noah shifted his weight as he turned on his side, pulling your sleeping body closer to his. He watched you breathe softly and admired your peaceful face.

You looked so beautiful in the dim light of the bunk, so innocent and sweet. He still thanked the universe daily for you being here with him and choosing him.

His tattooed hand caressed your cheek and smiled while kissing the tip of your nose. You made a cute noise, snuggling into the warmth of his hand. Your eyes fluttered open to meet Noah's brown eyes, filled with love and adoration.

"What time is it?" You whispered while closing your tired eyes again.

He brushed a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, "It's only midnight. Go back to bed."

You cuddled closer to his chest, feeling the cold air from the guys having their windows open on the other side of the bus.

Noah didn't hesitate to wrap you in his arms and hold you tightly, sharing his body heat with the person he loved more than anything.

He gently ran his fingers through your hair and lulled you back to sleep, whispering I love you.

He kissed your forehead and closed his eyes, feeling content and happy. He drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face, dreaming of you.

"You haven't told him yet?" Ally, your guitarist, asks you with a teasing grin.

You bite your lip, feeling nervousness and excitement. You've been working on a particular song for Noah.

You've told your bandmates that you'll surprise him with it at the show's end, but he has no idea what's coming.

You and Noah have been through a lot together. You met when you were both starting out in the music scene, and you instantly clicked. You fell in love. You had some success but also some struggles.

When you broke up last year, you felt like you lost a part of yourself, a part that only he could fill. You poured your heart into your music, writing dozens of songs about him. Some were angry, some were sad, some were hopeful. This song was the one that made you realize that you couldn't live without him. It was your masterpiece, and you wanted to share it with him in front of everyone.

You wanted to tell him how you felt, still think and always will feel.

"I just asked him to come toward the end of the set, and he said yes." You smile, thinking of how loyal and supportive he is. "He didn't ask any questions, so I didn't have to explain anything."

"That man." Ally laughs as you walk towards the stage. "He's so devoted to you. He'd do anything you ask him to." She shakes her head, "My boyfriend could learn a thing or two from him."

James and Charlie follow behind you, ready to rock the crowd. James is your bassist, and he's always in his own world. Charlie is your drummer, and he's always late for everything. But they're your friends, and they're part of your band. And today, they're going to help you make history.

You feel a knot in your stomach as the concert reaches its climax. You glance at the side of the stage, hoping to see Noah's familiar face.

You've been waiting for him to show up, to witness the song you wrote for him. But he's nowhere to be seen.

You try not to let it affect your performance, but you can't help feeling disappointed.

The song ends, and you hear Ally's voice in your earpiece. She knows what you're planning and wants to help you stall for time.

"So, this next song is very special," You say into the mic, "I wrote it-"

"About a boy," Ally interrupts, winking at you. "A boy who is running late." She laughs, and the crowd joins in.

You smile, playing along. "Yeah, where are you, Noooooah Sebastian?" You shout his name, hoping he'll hear you somehow.

You sit on the stage, pretending to be tired and out of breath. You're running out of excuses to delay the song.

When you hear Ally's voice again, you're about to give up and start singing.

"Look who finally made it!" She exclaims, pointing to the side of the stage. You jump up, feeling a rush of adrenaline hit you.

There he is, Noah, looking sheepish and apologetic. He waves at you, and the crowd goes wild.

"Better late than never," You tease him as you approach him.

He pulls you into his arms and kisses you passionately. He whispers in your ear, "I'm sorry I'm late. I love you, go kick ass."

You nod, feeling your heart melt. He doesn't know it yet but inspires most of your music. He's humble and modest and never assumes anything about him. But this song is about him, and you want him to know it.

"This song is called My Heart I Surrender." You go back to the front of the stage, hearing a soft acoustic rhythm pick up; you lightly bop your head, waiting for your queue to start.

You take in a deep breath and start softly sing, "I'm a ghost in your eyes, a shadow you can't seem to recognize..." and as you close your eyes, you breathe deep, trying to match the tune of the guitar, "I have a thought of you for every star in the sky but I'm scared, I'll never cross your mind."

You're eyes open as the melody gets louder, filling you with the utmost passion, feeling every beat in your chest. You're no longer nervous as you sing, "Will our stars ever align? Will two hearts be in time? These words you should always remember: to you my heart, I surrender. Chasing a love that could never be mine, maybe one day you'll realize these words you should always remember: to you my heart, I surrender."

You pause for a moment, feeling the music in your veins. You look at Noah, who is beaming with love.

He can't believe you wrote this song for him, that you wanted him to be here for this particular moment.

He feels admiration for you, your talent, and your courage. He knows how hard it is to share your feelings with the world, and he's honored that you chose him as your muse.

He watches you with awe and pride as you move around the stage with grace and energy. You're a star, and he's your biggest fan.

You keep looking back at him, making eye contact, smiling, waving, and singing to him.

You make him feel like he's the only person in the world, the center of your universe. The connection he feels with you transcends words and time.

He feels that much closer to you. His heart skips a beat when he hears you sing the chorus. To you, my heart, I surrender.

Emotions wash over him as he realizes how much you mean to him. You're his everything, his reason for waking up in the morning, his soulmate.

He wants to run up to the stage, hug you, kiss you, and tell you how much he loves you. But he knows this is your moment and doesn't want to ruin it. He just wants to enjoy it with you and let you know he feels the same way. To you, his heart he surrenders.

He holds his hand over his chest, feeling his heart beat in sync with yours. He smiles at you, sending you a silent message of love and support.

Noah can't wait to see you after the show, hold you in his arms, and whisper in your ear how proud he is of you.

When the song ends, you smile at the crowd, you tell them how much you appreciate them, how much they inspire you, how much you love them. You couldn't have done it without them.

You drop your microphone on the stand and run towards Noah, who is still in shock and awe. He has his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his huge smile.

You leap into his arms, and he catches you effortlessly. He wraps his arms around you, lifting you off the ground. You wrap your legs around his waist, holding him tight. You kiss him all over his face, making him laugh. "Surprise!" You say, nuzzling his shoulder. "Did you like it?"

"What kind of question is that?" He pulls back gently, his brown eyes glowing with pride. "You're so fucking amazing! I don't know how I got so lucky." He kisses your neck, making you giggle, and carries you off the stage, holding you close.

When the two of you get down the stairs, he realizes you need to speak with your fans, and he lets you stand on your feet as you walk by the gates, signing autographs and taking pictures.

Noah never gets tired of you. It's impossible. He can't imagine a day without you by his side, and thankfully, he'll never have to.

You've made your choice, and it's him. He's the one you love, the one you want, the one you need.

[littlewriterfullofwords]

Hi hi hi :) I saw your requests were open and was hoping you could possibly write a fluff scenario/fic/headcannon (whatever you’re comfortable with) for Tsukasaxdancer!reader? No worries if you can’t get to it or aren’t comfortable! I really enjoyed your other H&L works so I thought I’d put an idea out there :3

Hello, Anon! Thank you for the request. I'm really sorry it took so long, I hope you understand.

I am grateful for the compliment, I hope this one will be to your liking

Too Late

Parring: dancer!fem!reader x Takajo Tsukasa

Summary: You love dancing, but you find out someone else does too

Warnings: fluff, friendly bickering

A/N: I'm alive hihi.

You met Tsukasa after one of your performances at school, where Madoka’s orchestra was accompanying your dance group’s performance. 

You were friends with Madoka due to those practices and performances. She was so outgoing and open, and she didn't let you stay in the shadow, she “grabbed” everyone and created a big friend group. You liked spending time with her and her orchestra, she always brightened up the room, and you were never bored with her. You two started meeting after practices. She even introduced you to her friend group, which welcomed you so warmly. 

You didn't expect them to come to today's performance, you didn't even think about the possibility of them being there, but here they were! At the back of the hall, five figures were waving at you and Madoka, but next to them, there were two more you didn't recognise. Short guy with black hair and this tall, blond boy with mesmerizing eyes and….woah! Hold your horses, Prince Charming! Focus on the performance!

The end came quicker than you thought. And you were glad. 

“You gotta meet my other friends.” Madoka grabbed your wrist and, against your complaining, she led you to the back where all seven boys were standing. 

“It was perfect! You guys are the best!” Shinya high-fived Madoka with a smile and did the same to you. 

“Amazing!” Fujio clapped a few times with a big, bright smile. “The pir….pier…. You know, this one” Hanaoka tried his best to explain he was talking about piruet, but he failed, so he did the move himself, making everyone in the group laugh. 

“Piruet?” For the first time, the words left blond’s lips, and you were sure you gasped.

“Exactly!” Fujio nodded happily. “Thanks, Tsukasa.”

So Tsukasa was his name.

You looked at the blond and smiled softly when your eyes locked. You wanted to say something to him, but you didn’t have time for that, because Fujio rushed everyone out for the planned food after the performance. Maybe later.

The food was so yummy, but the atmosphere was a lot better. Everyone was laughing, giggling, and enjoying the meeting. You were seated next to Tsukasa, and you weren't complaining, you two found common interests and enjoyed the secret conversation you had. About what? Everything you two liked. In those 3 hours, you’ve learned a lot about the boy, and he’s done the same about you. His voice was soft and warm, giving you this comfortable feeling of safety. 

“Hey, you two!” Masaya pointed at you and Tsukasa enjoying the conversation more than the whole meeting, which made everyone look at both of you. “What are you whispering about? We feel excluded.” He pouted jokingly.

“What are you guys talking about?” Madoka nudged you with a smirk and wiggled her eyebrows. 

“About a movies we've watched lately.” You explained with a shy smile, even though you were a performer, you didn't like too much attention. “It's more interesting than who will drink more beer.” You let yourself jokingly insult the group, knowing they wouldn't be mad.

“Crossing the line, young lady.” Madoka ruffled your hair with a smile, causing everyone to laugh out loud at the table. 

You didn't realize when she leaned closer by your ear and whispered:

“Don't fall for the guy.”

Your answer came quicker than you expected.

“Too late.”

After long hours at the restaurant, you all packed your things, paid, and left. Masaya and Fujio were singing on the way, making everyone laugh.

You were walking slowly at the back of the line, the soft, almost motherly, smile was present on your lips, eyes following every member of the group except Tsukasa who was right next to you. 

“I don't know how you're handling every one of them at once.” Joked Takajo, his eyes focused on Madoka creating new dancing moves. “It's hard to handle Fujio alone.”

“I don't know who's worse.” You giggled at Shinya tripping over his own feet. “But for sure, the combo here is dangerous.”

“Oh no, we have to separate!” Hanaoka yelled, falling to his knees when the time to split came. 

“Love you guys!” Madoka sent you, and Tsukasa, kisses before she, and the boys, went right.

Tsukasa waved at them and joined you a second later.

“The performance….” Started blond. “It was amazing. I think it was your best.”

“My best?” You chuckled and looked at the boy. “How do you know? Won’t that be the first one you’ve seen?”

“Not really.” He shook his head and smiled. “I’ve seen your every performance. I’m friends with the violin player.”

“Oh.” You nodded slowly, everything was making sense. “That’s why he was always rushing first from the performance.”

“Maybe.” Both of you laughed, the sound of laughter filled the air on the quiet street.

The moon was shinning above you two, showing the way home after a performance, after which you met Tsukasa.