#its instead bc he doesn’t consider himself to be a good person so he figures hey why fight it might as well lean into it seeing as im

[jup1tersparx]

.

[typinggently]

It’s been a while…trick or treat?

(Napollya bc, well, I’m predictable 🫠)

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, darling!!!!!! In honour of a full moon on Halloween, have this little snippet of an AU. I'll call it "monster mash"!!

~🎃~

Illya yanks the door open as far as the chain allows, which isn’t much. “What –“ He hisses, but the sight in front of him apparently makes him reconsider, because when he continues, his voice carries more confusion than heat. “What are you wearing?”

“It’s called a costume.” Napoleon spreads his arms to make the cape ripple. The light in the hallway is too sickly yellowish to give the fabric its proper shine, but the effect is still very nice. It even has a stand-up collar.  

Illya stares from behind the chain. “It’s a little offensive.”

“You think?” Napoleon puts his arm up in front of his face to peer at him in exaggerated Bela Lugosi fashion, then swings his arm back again to show off his necktie and waistcoat.

Illya looks on, unimpressed. There’s a twitch in his shoulder, a muscle cramp that shifts bones under his loose shirt, but his voice is even as he speaks up. “You don’t?”

It’s a brutal display of ignorance regarding Napoleon’s masterful homage, but he doesn’t have time to be offended on that behalf just now. He spares a glance at Illya’s fingers, the way his fists clench and unclench. “It’s paying respect to the greats. Now would you ask me in, please?”

At that, Illya vehemently shakes his head. “Not tonight. Check the calendar.”

“Oh will you –“ Napoleon huffs. “What do you think I came here for, huh?”

“I don’t know.” The chain glitters between them.

And it dawns on Napoleon that he really doesn’t. The embarrassment tied to that realisation threatens to swallow him up, but he gracefully shrugs it off, making the cape ripple elegantly. “I figured it would be a waste of a perfectly good costume to have you sit around on your own all night. I mean, come on. Even you have to admit it’s perfect timing.”

From the darkness of his hallway, Illya stares at him. A beat, then: “Is not a good idea. You know that.”

Napoleon shrugs. “What’s the worse that could happen?” “I kill you,” Illya says immediately.

“I mean…” Napoleon offers a smile. “Feel free to try?”

There’s another moment of silence where Illya stares from the darkness. An average person wouldn’t be able to tell that his eyes are reflecting what little light reaches him from the hallway.

Napoleon doesn’t want to embarrass himself further by talking about long nights and empty rooms, about locked doors and self-isolation. Instead, he reaches next to Illya’s door to pick up the little plastic bag he put down before ringing his doorbell. It’s bright orange and rustles. “I brought candy? No chocolate.”

There’s a flicker in Illya’s lashes, followed by a violent twitch around his mouth that for a brief second contorts his facial features, stretches them and twists, melts, bares his canines, stretches his muscles, cracks his jaw, then it’s gone and he slams the door.

Napoleon stands. The bag rustles. Faintly, he hears the clatter of the chain.

Illya opens the door and steps aside, gestures. “Come in.”

~🎃~

I got really into my head with this one, planning ahead and getting lost in this idea, so maybe this doesn't establish the set up as well as it should. To explain things a little more: suspiciously cold gentleman spends his 287th Halloween petting very large dog. Monsterfuckers, feel free to consider the possible follow up "Monster Smash". Pumking emoji.

[maschotch]

You mentioning the fact that they're profilers is so real bc like it honest to god ASTOUNDS me how badly they all read hotch like he so so so so clearly cares for every member of the Bau WAAYYY more than he cares for him self and he's literally never shown otherwise??? Like even the whole drill boss stuff or whatever tf he said he's never aggressive with the group if they mess up he's always understanding but fair and most is pretty much the first one to comfort them (if the script allows) UNLESS he's going through some shit IE the whole divorce plot and foyet AND IT BAFFLES ME HOW EVERYONE FUCKING MISSES IT CONSIDERING ITS THEIR J O B

they’re all kinda bad at profiling each other but istg they have to TRY to understand hotch so poorly… i’m trying to think of a moment where he yells at them when they’re not directly putting themselves in danger or in the immediate aftermath of him getting attacked in his fucking home, but i cant think of anything?? he doesnt like being harsh with them and he learns the hard way with the elle situation that it doesnt get them anywhere. the only time he was unduly upset w someone was with emily in the beginning and that’s only bc he thought she was either a nepotism hire (which she kinda was) or a plant for strauss (which she kinda was)

he’s “strict” but like?? is he?? he does half their paperwork for them and they dont even know it. instead of doing things by the book and getting reid fired, he turned the other way and let him work through his drug problem. maybe he says “no” sometimes, but he usually relents anyway—like when jj has a feeling ab a case or when he calls the fucking vatican for emily. if he was a drill sergeant, would he let garcia keep a bunch of clutter on her desk and dress in bright clothing?? he doesnt coddle them or anything bc that’s not really his personality, but he’s gentle w them and even praises them when he knows they need it. he doesnt always step in and help when he should (i think that honestly has more to do w him being self conscious than anything—he doesnt want a drill sergeant/bully to make things worse), but he keeps a close eye on each of their wellbeing and will quietly urge one of the others to help out if someone’s in a tough spot

sure he doesn’t smile a whole lot and he’s known for his perpetually neutral face, but at the same time it’s not very hard to tell how he’s feeling. he’s effective at his job, he’s good at playing the tough guy, but tbh he let’s things get to him easily. he takes their criticism to heart and does his best to be better. he HATES seeing any of them hurt: ever notice how after what happened with elle he never uses his own agents as bait like that again? he either uses himself (like the fight club episode) or one of the team volunteers and he relents (like emily in the omegaverse swingers episode). they misread his social awkwardness as being cold when really i think he’s just mildly uncomfortable being the center of attention in an unprofessional setting.

it’s wild to me how frequently they misjudge him. i think he kinda knows and almost encourages it?? while still considering their judgements genuine?? morgan is a great example: of all his subordinates, morgan has worked with him the longest, since before he was in charge of the team. so you’d think morgan would have the best insight. but morgan has a complicated relationship w authority figures and tends to be automatically defensive out of habit. essentially, he’s been projecting on hotch since day one and has been blinded by the convoluted series of lenses he sees hotch through: as a constantly rotating mixture of buford, stilinski, and his father. it’s prevented him for actually seeing hotch for who he is, and hotch seems to make no real effort to correct any of those presumptions. but hotch still takes it personally when morgan criticizes him (prob bc it feeds his own negative view of his self worth and uses it as justification for whatever self loathing bullshit he’s on)

basically, hotch knows everyone has skewed perceptions of him and is fine letting their delusions continue uninterrupted—encourages it, even. he’s more comfortable receiving scathing remarks, even if they’re inaccurate, bc it allows him to continue his own delusion ab his place in the world. if they hate him (or if he thinks they hate him), it gives him a reason to hate himself. which is why i think he kinda likes that they’re bad at profiling him. it’s a way to receive that negative attention without actually being vulnerable. it’s a very very passive manipulation—more like he’s allowing them to manipulate themselves—that feeds his self loathing. i think he does it on purpose, so i cant necessarily fault the others for so drastically misunderstanding hotch. especially since they do get better at it over the seasons: they’re able to see through his defense mechanisms a little more, even if they still cant see him clearly

[vinndas]

have you ever talked abt held’s story in skyrim? he’s so cool, i would love to hear about him. what quest lines he does and what characters he’s close with?

lol oh uhm I tried to make this short but its kind of still a whole page and skims everything only at a very surface level. 

So his story in Skyrim is very basic. Most of his lore is stacked upon the fact that he and my HoK are like parallel characters? Like both went through hell in their early childhood and teens but while my HoK had no support network at the end, Held did and that's why their stories end very differently.

Why Skyrim?

In general Held comes to Skyrim as a member of the Cyrodiil Thieves Guild because he heard the one in Skyrim is struggling and he likes a challenge. The game intro happens and Held is in denial over being Dragonborn and throws himself into work instead.

Start

The first half of the TG questline happens but during that he and Mercer have a thing (very much unlabeled and weird bc Held insists he's not a part of the guild and talks back to Mercer all the time and it sets sth off in that man). Held figures its Mercer behind everything and not Karliah but he keeps it to himself because he doesn't really have a personal stake in the whole guild drama. Meanwhile Mercer figures out Held is the Dragonborn and gets weirdly jealous over being a world changing person but realizes his chances of getting rid of Held is probably near to impossible because of it all.

Interlude

Held goes on a detour to Solstheim for a bit (so basically just doing some random quests there) because he used to live there for a while and hits up his old acquaintance Teldryn. They spelunk together for a bit before Teldryn tells Held to face his problems and get his shit together. So the TG quest continues and Held begins to play with the thought of following the call of the Greybeards for the first time.

End of TG

Mercer and Held start noticing the tension between them and Mercer confronts Held about being the DB and accuses him of being a coward and idiot. Held asks if Mercer is behind all the TG drama. Mercer gives no answer and they go to find Karliah. Mercer stabs Held in an attempt to kill him (and Held kind of immediately forgives him for it bc childhood trauma). Karliah sees sth is going on between the two and tries and fails to get Held really angry and riled up about it but he still offers to help. Secretly he hopes to talk Mercer into running away (Held has killed people before and stolen a lot of stuff so he feels like a hypocrite condemning Mercer all that much).

Brynjolf kinda feels bad for Held but they all go after Mercer like in the mq. Final fight between Mercer and Held ensues and Mercer lets himself get stabbed by Held, while dying he tells Held to face the music and to stop being such an idealistic hypocrite, thinking at the same time that was the part  he liked about Held the most. Freaked out over having killed the man he (kind of) loved, Held runs and doesn’t return to Riften for a long time.

MQ

After that the MQ happens. Held tries to stay out of the CW because he can’t work with the Empire anyways (He’s considered a terrorist by the Dominion bc of past happenings) and he doesn’t like the stormcloaks either so he just pretends to not see it ( Is that a good solution? Probably not but facing issues is sth he dislikes so he just runs usually).

After the MQ he settles down in Solstheim and often visits the Skal to get some alone time. At this point he also runs an information network and helps people escape the Dominion.

His besties are probably Irileth, Erandur, Teldryn, Jarl Balgruuf (they are around the same age (technically not bc elf) and like to drink and eat good food), a lot of my other ocs I never talk about (LOL), Delvin and Tonillia. Surprisingly he and Karliah get along really well. Lowkey had a falling out with Brynjolf bc of the Mercer thing. He admires Mjoll for her tight grasp on her morals. At the end Freya and him kinda have a teacher student dynamic. He also has a weird connection to most of the Daedric princes, especially Sanguine seems interested in him.

[cryptidofthekeys]

Dudz aka my ISWM OC but re-done

So uh yeah I re-did this fucker,, bc I just didn’t like the old description- It wasn’t spaced out enough and just- annoying to look at-

I’m much prouder of this dude now

TWs: Cannibalism, Injury, Death, and Vomiting are kinda mentioned here

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| Real Name: Chase Dudley Blackwell

| Nicknames: C, Dudz, or Cryptid

| Title: The Arnston Forest Huntsman sometimes called The Rabid Huntsman (considering the name Chase means ‘the huntsman/huntsman’ I figured it’d be fitting here)

| Gender: Trans FTM (He/Him)

| Age: Mid 30s/40s

| Height: 7’3”

| Species/Race: Human but he’s god VERY inhuman strength

| Occupation: …Not really an occupation LMAO- but he’s a Murderer essentially, a cannibal for more specifics!

| Eye Color: Baby Blue (REALLY dark circles underneath his eyes)

| Hair Color: Black (his hair is just frazzled, messy as hell, hasn’t been brushed in years and it’d hang completely over his face if not for Murdock insisting he pin it back with a man bun or ponytail)

| Weapon of Choice: His favorite weapon is his large ax (aka Ax Big) second is just a butcher’s knife

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s extremely pale and fat (big large and w i d e frame man)

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| Appearance: Dudley’s main outfit is a black apron that’s torn up and dirty in many places (he usually just keeps it on since he’s constantly going and getting more victims to consume), he wears a dark purple turtleneck sweater underneath it, gray jeans that are also ripped up and his outfit is pretty much covered in blood.

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He has black combat boots with purple laces in them, he thinks it looks nice ok? A killer can have aesthetics too-

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He wears a black bull mask over his face as well, he wears black gauges in his ears, he doesn’t have pointed ears or anything like that but he does have two sets of fangs, he also has black n purple painted nails too (it looks terrible, he’s not good at it at all) and he has a circle beard.

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And he has TONS of scars like ALL over his body, there’s too many to count or name he’s got so many, most of them look like they were from past struggles essentially (aka victims fighting back and some of them got pretty fuckin n a s t y with him)

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And those scars were caused by all sortsa things, like some were bullets, some were stab wounds, some were burn marks, etc- That’s actually one of the reasons he wears the mask over his face.

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He made it himself out of a bull skull that he painted black in the end, the most prominent scarring is the burn marks covering his face, hence the mask he wears.

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| Personality: I was gonna skip this again but fuck it, okay he’s a sadistic bastard likewise, that much won’t change, he’s a goddamn menace who takes pleasure in hurting and or killing others, he v much loves eating humans- He’s a disgusting bastard-

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He’s still very selectively mute and doesn’t much care for talking even then (the most he’s ever talked to someone was his dad, Stan The Water Man, not even Murdock has heard him speak that much) that’s the only silent thing about him though.

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He’s a HUGE dude so he’s going to make a lot of noise otherwise but that’s besides the point, he’s cruel, evil, and very dangerous- that’s short, straight and to the point as I can get it-

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| Side Facts: Okay so first up is how Dudz n Murdock met and instead of giving a mini-fic, Imma keep this as short as I can- (newsflash its not short) First and foremost- Dudz is kinda a notorious killer, especially around the Arnston Forest area, not many people stay around Arnston these days.

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Because of all the murders that happened, they ESPECIALLY actively avoid the forest like wildfire …But hey you always have your idiots who’ll go exploring in places they shouldn’t, yeah those idiots haven’t came back either.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

But basically, Dudz met Murdock after one of his own victims escaped and ran into the forest (unknowingly mind you)- Dudz was out just patrolling around, seeing if anyone wandered in when he heard one of his traps go off nearby.

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He had his ax with him and headed that way and sure enough, he found a person there …They were pretty marked up already, more so than just the bear trap, in fact those were… Stab wounds? …Oh well either way

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Of course they screamed at the sight of Dudley which only made him exhale deeply through his nose, he wasted little time in picking them up by the head (with one hand mind you, I’m not joking when I say he’s HUGE and inhumanly strong)

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He practically tore them from the trap, their uh poor leg getting left behind unfortunately which only caused them to scream and cry louder, which he was getting annoyed at (...there is a sense of sadistic satisfaction)

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But he just h a t e s the… the l o u d… Too loud, it's too loud but he doesn’t have time to uh…

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Deal with that right now so- He just swings them over his shoulder (Murdock had caught up btw, I forgot fgjdklgfjdfs, he’s been watching in the bushes and he saw Dudz pick them up by their head and rip them from the trap with o n e hand)

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Murdock would usually be angry at someone for stealing a kill from him …But this time? Oh no… He was actually mildly curious so he followed behind at a distance, being careful as to not be seen or anything.

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And the whole thing goes as, Dudz takes them back to his dusty crusty old cabin he stays hidden out in when he’s not visiting his dad- And he chops them up and prepares a meal n such as that-

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Murdock is watching through the window and that’s when it strikes him- Cause this guy seemed familiar already but he just couldn’t put his finger on it (there are wanted posters of him after all)

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This was that cannibal the news n things had been talking about! …And oh man… Murdz was SUCH a fan, sure, okay, yeah- don’t get him wrong, cannibalism? Not his schtick, he would never- But this killer… Just, oh m a n-

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…As Dudley is preparing the meal, Murdock notices- the guy’s setting out… Two plates? …Is he expecting someone and then he sees Dudz grab his ax and suddenly whip his head around to the window Murdz was in.

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The two locking eyes right then and there (I said this was going to be short and straight to the point psh, since when can I ever?) But uh I’ll… Try to wrap it up- Anyways- Dudley motions for Murdock to step in and to his surprise he does, he figured the other would run.

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Then he notices the bloodied knife Murdz is carrying, and then he blinks slowly (almost like a frog blink) ah, so that’s why the victim was already pre-stabbed… Makes sense.

---------------------------------

Murdock tries to ease the tension down because he can tell Dudz is a bit ‘trigger’ happy with his ax right now and on high alert, just tries his smooth talk, puts his weapon away and then to his surprise Dudz puts his down.

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…Murdz does uh the talking since Dudley doesn’t, well, ya know- Tells him that he’s actually a big fan which Dudz tilts his head at, he looks… Bemused if anything upon hearing that- A… Fan…? Of his work?

---------------------------------

Murdock explains that he’s heard many things about The Arnston Forest Huntsman or… The Rabid Huntsman, whatever he prefers- Which is when Dudz announces his name/nickname which seems to startle Murdz, like o h damn- he CAN talk- okay

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“...Got’cha, Dudz…” And then Murdock introduces himself and Dudz seems to perk up at that name, and it's clear that he knows who Murdock is …And okay he’s not- gonna fanboy rn-

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Although Dudz can see the excitement in his face ….hmm… Cute… And then it goes from there, Murdock makes a deal with Dudz bc he’s also on the run too, the two could use each other’s help- even though Dudley seems to be the loner type …Surprisingly he agrees.

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The two seal the deal by having a meal together, despite Murdz attempts to get out of it bc o-oh no I don’t eat hu- …Dudz’s death glare and heavy breathing was enough, he sat down and tried it (he didn’t tell Dudley but he threw up within the hour)

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…Dudley was none the wiser and VERY pleased Murdock liked his meal so well- And so they kinda just, hit it off from there essentially-

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Dudz finds Murdock to be very annoying at times with all the scheming and planning, he h a t e s all this talking and shit- So Dudz just d o e s, he’s the brawns more so than the brains- He just wants f o o d, he’s definitely by no means smart, he’s a dummy-

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Murdock is genuinely surprised that Dudley hasn’t gotten caught yet with how reckless and dumb he can be but eh surprise surprise- Despite the two seemingly hating each other on the outside, looking to constantly get on each other’s nerves.

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Deep down, they are very close, Dudley is genuinely overprotective of Murdock- He’d lay down his own life to protect the other, and Murdz would do the same to Dudz- They do love n care for each other deep down a l o t …Also they’re gay for one ano-

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Dudley despite most his meals involving human, is a TERRIFIC cook and he’s a very excellent baker as well, sometimes he’ll be lazier and not go out hunting humans- Sometimes he’ll actually just fix normal food-

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He’s got a HUGE sweet tooth and is HEAVILY motivated by candy, probably a way you could survive (...yeah ya know what I’m getting at here) if he smells candy on you, he’ll lower his weapon and just start drooling all over you.

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Murdz has used the candy motivator many times on Dudley to get him to do something he needed or to follow along with the plans he’s made, literally if you throw the candy- Dudley will get down on all fours and run at it like a dog.

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…Murdz has also been pounced on and nearly had his bones crushed because of said candy motivator tactic but AHEM besides the point.

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Dudley would… NOT give great hugs- I don’t care how soft he is- …I’m not saying you CAN’T hug him- oh no, I would never- But he’d either crush your spine or he’d just take a bite out of you, either one really- …Even if you give him candy, your gonna get crushed-

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The only one he’s TRULY and fully gentle with is his dad, Stan- Stan The Water Man.

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Lemme be clear he isn't super rough or careless with Murdock, he’s kinda gentle with him but not as much as he is with someone like Stan bc he knows Murdz isn't AS fragile in a weird sorta way.

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NOW- Speaking of Stan- likewise, Dudley isn’t related by blood to Stan oh no no- BUT- Stan adopted Dudley, now sure… He is a… Grown man but it just looked like Dudz could use a father figure in his life at the very least bc to Stan he didn’t seem to be doing much-

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And also when Stan called him ‘sport’ ‘champ’ and stuff like that it seemed to make him c r y- at first Stan thought he had offended him or upset him but Dudley slowly explained, even switching to sign language when his throat was giving out.

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It went fairly normally, although the adoption wasn’t uh set in a legal setting- …It couldn’t be because for some reason unbeknownst to Stan- Dudley didn’t want uh to go anywhere where like cops n shit like that would be

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…But oh well! Stan STILL considers him a son! No documents don't change that! Dudley is VERY fond and attached to his dad (as you can imagine, his real parents were shit) honestly? Stan is the only real dad he’s ever considered.

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Stan wholeheartedly and fully supported him when he found out Dudley was trans, he was a little confused at first, but Stan tried v e r y hard to be mindful of the questions he asked until he got on track, and he told Dudz these words “Well no matter who ya are, I’ll always love ya and support you, sport”

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Murdock has met Stan, their first meeting went HORRIBLY wrong bc uh he didn’t know this was Dudz’s dad- Murdz did try to kill him but uh Stan is oblivious as hell and didn’t even notice like at ALL

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Dudley fucking rushed Murdock and grabbed him by the face and practically tossed him out the window, Murdock was of course angry like DUDLEY WHAT THE F U C K MAN?!? …Dudley quickly began explaining to Murdz that, that man was OFF limits.

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Bc dude, that’s my dad you dickhead! You’re NOT killing my dad! And then …Oh m a n was it awkward… Murdock actually apologized for that, like …o-o h  shit- sorry Dudz, I uh- didn’t know- …The two apologized and made up- Dudley for tossing him out the window and uh Murdock for almost killing his dad.

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Stan’s first ACTUAL meeting with Murdz, oh my fucking g o d it was awkward as hell bc this man had no idea this one had tried to kill him n shit- and he would NEVER know- …When Murdock left after the meeting-

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Stan literally turned to Dudz and told him “...I don’t trust that one too much, sport… He might be a bad influence on ya” …Dudley sweating profusely at that (Stan don’t know the half of it)

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BUT if that’s who Dudley chooses and loves, then he won’t hold him back and stop him, just… He just wants his son to be careful- which brings me to the end of this nearly- Stan has NO fucking clue his son is an actual cannibal serial killer (has never seen Dudz’ face but he’d probs recognize him uh if he saw under that mask)

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But for now Dudley INTENDS to keep Stan away from the truth, he’s very desperate to hide his true identity from Stan, he’s terrified the other will be scared of him, upset with him, disgusted with him, that he’ll even be like ‘you… You’re no son of mine, you’re a monster’ he’s got it deeply ingrained that Stan would hate and disown him if he found out the truth…

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And lemme tell you right now, Dudley would NEVER under ANY circumstances hurt and or kill Stan, even if Stan was about to turn him into the police, he’ll just run away if he could and NEVER return to Stan ever again but hahaha what are the chances of that oblivious man EVER finding out his son is a wanted cannibalistic serial killer?!

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…Oh btw he has never and won’t ever try to feed Stan human meat either, no no- any meals he cooks for his dad are STRICTLY normal foods/desserts n shit like that-

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Was the one to get Dudley to actually properly hydrate bc oof- oh m a n this dude was fucking b a d at drinking water n shit- Stan helped him to drink more water.

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He’s got a southern accent when he speaks bc why not- complete this weird unholy era of cannibals having southern drawls

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And to finally finish this shit off because god this has gone on for-fucking-ever! Dudley is Pansexual.

[dameronology]

the one with all the yelling {obi-wan x reader}

summary: after making a stupid decision in battle and having an argument with your best friend, a confession slips out that surprises both of you (or maybe it doesn’t)

this is a reupload bc i took it down for editing. as usual, this has lots of swearing in, just a pre-warning. enjoy!!

- jazz

They say that time slows down when you’re about to die - that your life flashes before your very eyes. You’re supposed to see the thing you love most, the people you value most. It was meant to be a final moment filled with a lifetime of emotions, of memories; regrets and mistakes; unfulfilled wishes and incomplete to do lists. The way it was described was hauntingly poetic, the sort of thing almost made you want to to experience it just so that you could understand what it felt like.

And, having witnessed a near-death experience in recent hours, you could safely conclude that everything in the aforementioned paragraph was a steaming pile of horse shit.

There was nothing graceful or cinematic about the way you had yeeted yourself across the battle-field, mud unceremoniously flying up around your ass as you kicked Obi-Wan Kenobi out of the line of fire. The blaster fire was inches away from your face - mere inches - and that, of all things, was when you figured the final moments might have come.

Instead, all you got was a hit to the shoulder and a mouth full of dirt. You were very much alive - but after coughing up an unflattering amount of earth and clambering back to your feet with all the grace of a beached whale, the same could not be said for your dignity.

At the forefront of things, you’d been trying to save your best friend’s life. That was all you could think about when you’d launched yourself discourteously towards Obi-Wan; he couldn’t die. Too many people - yourself included - needed him. And, you were certain that if you hadn’t been killed saving his ass, the sudden lack of reason from his presence in your life would have killed you anyways. The man stopped you from walking into traffic on the daily.

You weren’t entirely sure what to say to Obi-Wan. You were sitting on the end of his bed, fresh out of the shower and bundled up in an oversized tunic that belonged to the man pacing in front of you. For a man of many words, he was disturbingly quiet as he stitched you up and even more so when he helped you undress and get into the shower.

What sort of thing were you supposed to say in this situation? Sorry that I booted you up the arse and sent you flying six foot through the air? I had your best interests at heart, I promise.

‘Personally, I am rather pleased with the fact I am still alive.’ You broke the icy silence that had befallen you. Obi-Wan immediately stopped in his pacing tracks, head turning to face you with a bewildered look. Maybe that wasn’t the best conversation opener.

‘How could you…’ Obi-Wan went to say something but his words were lost. He’d witnessed you do a lot of stupid things but this one took the cake. This was stupid thing to end all stupid things. ‘Why would you - actually, I don’t even know what to say.’

‘I mean a thank you would probably suffice.’ You muttered. ‘I did just take a bullet for you.’

‘How could you have been so stupid?!’ He snapped. ‘You could have died!’

‘I was trying to save you!’ You reminded him.

Right. There was that - the alarmingly obvious thing that he’d been trying not to think about.

Obi-Wan couldn’t deny his feelings for you; you’d always been his slightly kooky best friend but maker, he adored you. Life as a Jedi could be dark but you were his nightlight - a soft glow to guide him to brighter things, to remind him that not all was lost.

He’d spent hours convincing himself that you didn’t feel the same. You were too busy running around with what Obi-Wan was certain was a singular brain cell, getting yourself into trouble and making questionable decisions. But, now that you’d quite literally thrown yourself into the line of fire for him? It was certainly a compelling piece of evidence to the contrary.

(Of course, you loved him too. You’d been in love with him since the day you’d met. That was a minor detail you’d chosen not to mention to him - avoiding the truth wasn’t the same as lying, right?)

‘I don’t need saving.’ Obi-Wan said.

‘Oh, please.’ You snorted. ‘You might be Jedi Master Kenobi of the High Jedi Council, Best Jedi To Ever Jedi and Regular Shagger of the Jedi Code-’

‘- you used the word Jedi a few too many times there-’

‘- but you are not bulletproof!’

‘Neither are you!’

‘But I’m alive, aren’t I?’ Your tone was suddenly soft. ‘I’m in one piece.’

‘Barely.’ He murmured. ‘You can’t do things like that.’

‘Well, I did.’ You would have raised your voice louder had your shoulder not been screaming in pain. ‘And stomping around like a pissy toddler isn’t going to change it.’

The most terrifying part - for both of you, truthfully speaking - was how quickly you had done it. You hadn’t even thought about it; you saw red and you launched yourself into the blaster’s path without even considering the consequences. The most important thing to you in that moment had been that Obi-Wan’s life was at risk and it had led to a sudden disregard for your own.

‘I’ll get better.’ You continued. ‘I’m only signed off for a few weeks and as soon as I’m on the mend I will be back in the field. It’ll be like nothing ever happened-’

‘- but it did happen.’ Obi-Wan cut you off. ‘I’m always going to remember that you risked your life for me without even having to think about it.’

Grabbing onto the poster of his bed, you pulled yourself up and slowly approached him. Obi-Wan almost backed away when his robe inched off your shoulders, revealing the nasty red gash just by your collarbone. The idea quickly slipped away, however, when you rested your hands on his forearms, hands slipping under his sleeves and intertwining your fingers.

‘What else would I do?’ You softly laughed. ‘It’s you, Obi.’

‘Would you have done the same for someone else?’ He asked. ‘For Anakin? Or for Ahsoka?’

You faltered slightly, grip on him loosening a tiny bit. ‘Of course.’

‘Y/N.’

‘What?’

‘Don’t lie.’ He suddenly jerked his hands away from you, spinning around on his heel so that you were suddenly facing his back.

‘Fine.’ You grumbled. ‘I would only do it for you. I would only blindly throw myself in front of a bullet for you. Not anyone else. Not a single soul. Does that make you happy? Does that inflate your ego enough, Kenobi-’

‘- that’s not what this is about.’

‘Then tell me!’ You let out a small groan of pain as you grabbed him by the material of his shirt, using every last ounce of energy to make him look at you again. ‘Tell me what it’s about because you are not making sense and I am the world’s leading expert in that field.’

‘It’s not about anything.’

‘Oh, bullshit!’ You whacked his arm, adrenaline worming its way into your tired body and finally allowing you to raise your voice. ‘I just saved your fucking life and you’re acting like a moody son of a bitch and accusing me of lying!’

‘It’s because I love you!’

‘Well, I love you too!’

‘Great!’

‘Fine!’

‘Wonderful!’

‘Brilliant!’

‘Well I’m glad we cleared that up!’

‘Me too!’

‘We should probably stop shouting!’

‘Good idea!’

You unballed your fists just in time to catch the material of Obi-Wan’s shirt as he stepped towards you, taking you by the waist and pulling you towards him. He crashed his lips into yours, knocking the air from your lungs as he did. You’d thought about kissing him many times - more than you were willing to admit, actually - but now that you were actually here, with a handle tangled in his soft hair and his warm lips moving against yours?

Nothing could have prepared you for this moment - for the declaration of love or the kiss or the way he was holding onto you, hands desperately gripping to your waist as though you were about to slip away into the darkness of the galaxy and leave him alone forever. Just a few hours ago, that had been a very real possibility.

You’d admitted to yourself earlier that you probably couldn’t have survived in a world without Obi-Wan Kenobi. Little did you know that he’d admitted to himself years before that he couldn’t have survived without you.

‘I love you.’ His words were softer now, barely a whisper against your lips as pressed his forehead to yours.

‘If I’d known that almost dying was all it took to make you tell me, I would have done it years-’

‘-Y/N.’ He groaned.

‘Sorry.’ You smiled softly. ‘I love you too.’

[pumpkinpaix]

hello there, hope you're having a nice day <3

so i've been reading a lot of fics lately, uk for sanity's sake, and i've noticed that in most of them, lwj doesn't use contractions (eg., says do not instead of don't)?? and i think he doesn't in the novel either but i don't remember lol so i can't be sure but anyway that made me curious - does chinese have contractions as well? does he not use it bc it's informal?

hello there! I’m doing all right, i started to answer this ask while waiting for a jingyeast loaf to come out of the oven 😊 many thanks to @bookofstars for helping me look over/edit/correct this post!! :D

anyways! the answer to your questions are complicated (of course it is when is anything simple with me), so let’s see if I can break it down--you’re asking a) whether chinese has contractions, b) if it does, how does they change the tone of the sentence--is it similar to english or no?, and c) how does this all end up with lan wangji pretty much never using contractions in english fic/translation?

I’m gonna start by talking about how formality is (generally) expressed in each language, and hopefully, by the end of this post, all the questions will have been answered in one way or another. so: chinese and english express variations in formality/register differently, oftentimes in ways that run contrary to one another. I am, as always, neither a linguist nor an expert in chinese and english uhhh sociological grammar? for lack of a better word. I’m speaking from my own experience and knowledge :D

so with a character like lan wangji, it makes perfect sense in english to write his dialogue without contractions, as contractions are considered informal or colloquial. I don’t know if this has changed in recent years, but I was always taught in school to never use contractions in my academic papers.

However! not using contractions necessarily extends the length of the sentence: “do not” takes longer to say than “don’t”, “cannot” is longer than “can’t” etc. in english, formality is often correlated with sentence length: the longest way you can say something ends up sounding the most formal. for a very simplified example, take this progression from least formal to absurdly formal:

whatcha doin’?

what’re you doing?

what are you doing? [standard colloquial]

may I ask what you are doing?

might I inquire as to what you are doing?

excuse me, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

pardon my intrusion, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

please pardon my intrusion, but might inquire as to the nature of your current actions?

this is obviously a somewhat overwrought example, but you get the point. oftentimes, the longer, more complex, more indirect sentence constructions indicate a greater formality, often because there is a simultaneous decreasing of certainty. downplaying the speaker’s certainty can show deference (or weakness) in english, while certainty tends to show authority/confidence (or aggression/rudeness).

different words also carry different implications of formality—in the example, I switched “excuse me” to “pardon me” during one of the step ups. pardon (to me at least) feels like a more formal word than “excuse”. Similarly, “inquire” is more formal than “ask” etc. I suspect that at least some of what makes one word seem more formal than one of its synonyms has to do with etymology. many of english’s most formal/academic words come from latin (which also tends to have longer words generally!), while our personal/colloquial words tend to have germanic origins (inquire [latin] vs ask [germanic]).

you’ll also notice that changing a more direct sentence structure (“may I ask what”) to a more indirect one (“might I inquire as to”) also jumps a register. a lot of english is like this — you can complicate simple direct sentences by switching the way you use the verbs/how many auxiliaries you use etc.

THE POINT IS: with regards to english, more formal sentence structures are often (not always) longer and more indirect than informal ones. this leads us to a problem with a character like lan wangji.

lan wangji is canonically very taciturn. if he can express his meaning in two words rather than three, then he will. and chinese allows for this—in extreme ways. if you haven’t already read @hunxi-guilai’s post on linguistic register (in CQL only, but it’s applicable across the board), I would start there because haha! I certainly do Not have a degree in Classical Chinese lit and she does a great job. :D

you can see from the examples that hunxi chose that often, longer sentences tend to be more informal in chinese (not always, which I’ll circle back to at the end lol). Colloquial chinese makes use of helping particles to indicate tone and meaning, as is shown in wei wuxian’s dialogue. and, as hunxi explained, those particles are largely absent from lan wangji’s speech pattern. chinese isn’t built of “words” in the way English is—each character is less a word and more a morpheme—and the language allows for a lot of information to be encoded in one character. a single character can often stand for a phrase within a sentence without sacrificing either meaning or formality. lan wangji makes ample use of this in order to express himself in the fewest syllables possible.

so this obviously leads to an incongruity when trying to translate his dialogue or capture his voice in English: shorter sentences are usually more direct by nature, and directness/certainty is often construed as rudeness -- but it might seem strange to see lan wangji’s dialogue full of longer sentences while the narration explicitly says that he uses very short sentences. so what happens is that many english fic writers extrapolated this into creating an english speech pattern for lan wangji that reads oddly. they’ll have lan wangji speak in grammatically incoherent fragments that distill his intended thought because they’re trying to recreate his succinctness. unfortunately, English doesn’t have as much freedom as Chinese does in this way, and it results in lan wangji sounding as if he has some kind of linguistic impediment and/or as if he’s being unspeakably rude in certain situations. In reality, lan wangji’s speech is perfectly polite for a young member of the gentry (though he’s still terribly rude in other ways lol). he speaks in full, and honestly, quite eloquent sentences.

hunxi’s post already has a lot of examples, but I figure I’ll do one as well focused on the specifics of this post.

I’m going to use this exchange from chapter 63 between the twin jades because I think it’s a pretty simple way to illustrate what I’m talking about:

蓝曦臣道：“你亲眼所见？”

蓝忘机道：“他亲眼所见。”

蓝曦臣道：“你相信他？”

蓝忘机道：“信。”

[...] 蓝曦臣道：“那么金光瑶呢？”

蓝忘机道：“不可信。”

my translation:

Lan Xichen said, “You saw it with your own eyes?”

Lan Wangji said, “He saw it with his own eyes.”

Lan Xichen said, “You believe him?”

Lan Wangji said, “I believe him.”

[...] Lan Xichen said, “Then what about Jin Guangyao?”

Lan Wangji said, “He cannot be believed.”

you can see how much longer the (pretty literal) english translations are! every single line of dialogue is expanded because things that can be omitted in chinese cannot be omitted in english without losing grammatical coherency. i‘ll break a few of them down:

Lan Xichen’s first line:

你 (you) 亲眼 (with one’s own eyes) 所 (literary auxiliary) 见 (met/saw)？

idk but i love this line a lot lmao. it just has such an elegant feel to me, probably because I am an uncultured rube. anyways, you see here that he expressed his full thought in five characters.

if I were to rewrite this sentence into something much less formal/much more modern, I might have it become something like this:

你是自己看见的吗？

你 (you) 是 (to be) 自己 (oneself) 看见 (see) 的 (auxiliary) 吗 (interrogative particle)？

i suspect that this construction might even be somewhat childish? I’ve replaced every single formal part of the sentence with a more colloquial one. instead of 亲眼 i’ve used 自己, instead of 所见 i’ve used 看见的 and then also added an interrogative particle at the end for good measure (吗). To translate this, I would probably go with “Did you see it yourself?”

contained in this is also an example of how one character can represent a whole concept that can also be represented with two characters: 见 vs 看见. in this example, both mean “to see”. we’ll see it again in the next example as well:

in response to lan xichen’s, “you believe him?” --> 你 (you) 相信 (believe) 他 (him)? lan wangji answers with, “信” (believe).

chinese does not do yes or no questions in the same way that english does. there is no catch-all for yes or no, though there are general affirmative (是／有) and negative (不／没) characters. there are other affirmative/negative characters, but these are the ones that I believe are the most common and also the ones that you may see in response to yes or no questions on their own. (don’t quote me on that lol)

regardless, the way you respond to a yes or no question is often by repeating the verb phrase either in affirmative or negative. so here, when lan xichen asks if lan wangji believes wei wuxian, lan wangji responds “believe”. once again, you can see that one character can stand in for a concept that may also be expressed in two characters: 信 takes the place of 相信. lan wangji could have responded with “相信” just as well, but, true to his character, he didn’t because he didn’t need to. this is still a complete sentence. lan wangji has discarded the subject (I), the object (him), and also half the verb (相), and lost no meaning whatsoever. you can’t do this in english!

and onto the last exchange:

lan xichen: 那么 (then) 金光瑶 (jin guangyao) 呢 (what about)？

lan wangji: 不可 (cannot) 信 (believe)

you can actually see the contrast between the two brothers’ speech patterns even in this. lan xichen’s question is not quite as pared down as it could be. if it were wangji’s line instead, I would expect it to read simply “金光瑶呢？” which would just be “what about jin guangyao?” 那么 isn’t necessary to convey the core thought -- it���s just as how “then what about” is different than “what about”, but “then” is not necessary to the central question. if we wanted to keep the “then” aspect, you could still cut out 么 and it would be the same meaning as well.

a FINAL example of how something can be cut down just because I think examples are helpful:

“I don’t know” is usually given as 我不知道. (this is what nie huaisang says lol) It contains subject (我) and full verb (知道). you can pare this straight down to just 不知 and it would mean the same thing in the correct context. i think most of the characters do this at least once? it sounds more literary -- i don’t know that i would ever use it in everyday speech, but the fact remains that it’s a possibility. both could be translated as “I do not know” and it would be accurate.

ANYWAYS, getting all the way back to one of your original questions: does chinese have contractions? and the answer is like... kind of...?? but not really. there’s certainly slang/dialect variants that can be used in ways that are reminiscent of english contractions. the example I’m thinking of is the character 啥 (sha2) which can be used as slang in place of 什么 (shen2 me). (which means “what”)

so for a standard sentence of, 你在做什么? (what are you doing), you could shorten down to just 做啥? and the second construction is less formal than the first, but they mean the same thing.

other slang i can think of off the top of my head: 干嘛 (gan4 ma2) is also informal slang for “what are you doing”. and i think this is a regional thing, but you can also use 搞 (gao3) and 整 (zheng3) to mean “do” as well.

so in the same way that you can replace 什么 with 啥, you can replace 做 as well to get constructions like 搞啥 (gao3 sha2) and 整啥 (zheng3 sha2).

these are all different ways to say “what are you doing” lmao, and in this case, shorter is not, in fact, more formal.

woo! we made it to the end! I hope it was informative and helpful to you anon. :D

this is where I would normally throw my ko-fi, but instead, I’m actually going to link you to this fundraising post for an old fandom friend of mine. her house burned down mid-september and they could still use help if anyone can spare it! if this post would have moved you to buy me a ko-fi, please send that money to her family instead. :) rbs are also appreciated on the post itself. (* ´▽` *)

anyways, here’s the loaf jingyeast made :3 it was very tasty.

[shivvy-roy]

ok some assorted romangrace thoughts for @rckstrgrlfrnd

i feel like they got together bc they get along SO WELL. like just based on how they were roasting shiv at thanksgiving it seems like theyve never had a hard time making conversation or anything like they can just chat for hours on end

i genuinely don’t remember if the show says what grace does for work but i hc that she was like a PA at waystar studios when roman was out in cali and she like had to bring coffee to him and frank and roman made some snarky comment and instead of ignoring it like most of the workers did she sassed back and it caught his interest

i think they slept in the same bed but didn’t cuddle but would be like fairly close. like they both slept towards the middle of the bed

i bet they both have insanely good interior design taste and their apartment was SO BEAUTIFUL

considering grace has a daughter that roman is clearly comfortable enough around to like hug and talk to and that the family seems to know and has seen her before i would hc that by the pilot they’d been together for a while- maybe 2 years or so? and are very much in sync. like they know what the other is thinking most of the time.

i don’t think roman really has friends so i think grace was kinda his best friend? someone that roman could go to for serious stuff and really air his feelings to but also watch stupid tv with

actually now that im saying it i think they watched wipeout together and died laughing whenever someone fell or got horribly injured

i think they also had a “show” that they absolutely swore not to watch without the other and if the pilot is in 2018 and im going with theyve been together 2 years im gonna say their show was westworld since it started in 2016

i also think roman absolutely adores isla like if shes 7 or 8 or so in the pilot roman wouldve met her when she was 5/6 or so and so didnt have to deal w like potty training or any gross little kid stuff (bc i think hed hate that) but she has her own little personality at that point and i think hed be able to tone himself down enough to be okay around a kid. i think that he plays dolls with her and then the dolls end up dying in horrible ways but isla thinks its hilarious

i dont think isla sees him as a dad but definitely as a Trusted Adult- like he’s listed as a contact at her school in case she needs to be picked up

i hc that grace doesn’t come from money in the same way roman does but that she’s upper middle class- both parents worked but maybe her dad was a doctor so they had a decent amount of $. but obviously compared to the .01% roys shes SO much more down to earth and “real” and i think roman really really likes that about her

i also bet they liked to get wine drunk and bitch about people. i bet grace had some REALLY mean things to say about tom and roman thought it was fucking hilarious

somehow some nsfw thoughts came to me as well so im gonna put a read more here LOL

i think that they have the arrangement that tomshiv wanted but could never actually accomplish- like grace does go off and have sex with other men which keeps the pressure off roman to perform BUT they present as a united front. Roman & Grace.

with that said i do think that roman is sexually attracted to her in his own horrible little way. like he saw her in the shower or smth once and was aroused but didnt know wtf to do about it so just ignored it

i think they do have sex SOMETIMES but its like 3 times a year and even if he can’t quite get himself off always he’s figured out how to get her off. like i would see them using a vibrator or something?

[mondothebombo]

The Ninja’s Love Languages

For anyone who doesn’t know, the five love languages are...

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

Quality Time

Gifts

Acts of Service

I had this idea last night at 4 am and i’m gonna try and make sense of it so here we go...

Jay

Physical Touch

-this one’s super easy

-hands down this is 100% jay

-when isn’t this boy clinging onto someone (esp. nya and cole)

-i mean just look (there’s so many more but i got lazy, feel free to add on)

-his first response to comfort/fear is a hug, a hand on shoulder, etc.

-and when you think abt it it makes sense

-cuz first of all just look at his parents, ed and edna

-the most affectionate and loving ppl on this goddam planet

-they showered him w/ undying love and support his whole life, ofc this kid’s gonna turn out the same

-but then if you also tie in his abandonment issues and fear of being alone and it makes even more sense

-we find out abt those mainly in s12 when he talks abt his birth parents to unagami, but looking at what happened to him in s6 when he was alone for so long on the misfortunes keep and nya dying to top it off...

-he lost all his friends not once, but twice (and that’s not including all the separate times the ninja have died) plus he feels like his birth parents abandoned him, w/o him even rlly knowing for sure what happened

-so it makes sense he’d be more comfortable showing his love by clinging onto someone, giving a hug, high-fiveing, etc.

- i hope this made sense i’m so sorry

Nya

Acts of Service

-this also makes sense

-we all know nya is a very independent person, and she doesn’t usually like all the touchy feely stuff

-this is especially shown w her and jay’s relationship

-( i didn’t want to make this all abt jaya i’m sorry)

-we know they both are two very different ppl.

-nya’s strong and independent, while jay is a lot more sensitive

-you’ll notice in the earlier seasons nya almost never initiated the affection w jay, he always the first to mention it, also coupled w the fact that she’s never told jay “i love you” (at least not yet) and we can pin this on her childhood

-she and kai didn’t have it great as kids, they basically raised e/o and the only times nya ever heard “i love you” was from kai

-so if she wasn’t used to saying it growing up, why would she immediately jump to it now that she’s a teenager/young adult? even w someone she does love

-she expresses her love in what she does and says.

-the main example i can think of atm is this

-jay’s freaking out abt catching her for the dance move and with 100% confidence she just says “i trust you” and then fucking yeets herself at him

-there’s other examples of this w the others too

-she builds their mechs and vehicles, back in the earlier seasons she always made sure the boys were taken care of when they got back from missions, she was always the cavalry, she sacrificed herself for jay back in s6 when they were at the lighthouse, and kai mentions she’s always taken care of him

-not to mention how she adopted lloyd back when he first came in

-i could go on

-does this make sense?? i hope it does

Cole

Words of Affirmation

-i had a little more trouble thinking abt cole but now that i’ve decided i’m pretty sure WoA suits him best

-cole didn’t have the best childhood either

-we now know his mom, Lilly, died when he was fairly young, judging by the flashback, i’d estimate around 10-13 y/o

-we know it wasn’t too long before wu found him

-and she showered him in love much like jay was

-just in the flashback she tells him how proud she is of him and how much she loves him

-(also look how quick he was to try and justify why he got in a fight to avoid getting yelled at when his mom mentioned him getting in trouble bc he didn’t want to disappoint her)

-now we don’t know what Lou was like before his wife died, but we know he was definitely not as loving towards cole afterwards

-Lou ignored Cole due to his grief most of the time, coupled w him wanting Cole to follow in his footsteps, and their relationship overall sucks until after the royal blacksmiths ep

-so it all falls the same that Cole would want to keep seeking out the words he got from his mother in his relationships w others (especially authority figures)

-just look at all the times he absolutely lights up when getting praised by wu or even the others

-plus thx to day of the departed, we know he’s afraid of being forgotten

-hearing the others say they love him and want him around would appease that

-staying on this train, we have...

Lloyd

Words of Affirmation

-i was tied between this one and acts of service, but then i decided

-lloyd’s life, esp his childhood, has absolutely sucked

-he was abandoned at a very young age at darklys which we know the other boys there weren’t kind, and then when he finally gets a home and a family, the weight of the world is now on his shoulders bc he’s a prophesied savior

-morro’s possession says enough on its own

-the list goes on

-then we get s8-s10

-harumi goes and absolutely destroys his trust in everyone and everything

-(after she told him she loved him)

-but also...

- then boom. yeeted through a wall

-he’s been abandoned, rejected, and used his whole life

-why wouldn’t this kid need words of affirmation??

-the other ninja have been the one staple in his entire life, and after everything he’s gone through, he definitely needs to hear that they love him and want him around every now and then

-this kid’s also emotional (who can blame him)

-he always puts all his cards on the table, more so in s11 and onward

-and we’ve seen how he always gives encouraging words to the others, mainly while they’re fighting

Zane

Quality Time

-i had trouble w zane’s too lol

-but i think this fits

-this nindroid is the purest being ever

-don’t get me wrong, zane can definitely be a smart ass and sassy when he wants to, he’s not all innocent, but u catch my drift

-let’s look at his past too

-he was all alone and by himself, he didn’t even know who he was until he found his true potential

-and he gets a family, ppl who live and care abt him

-then he sacrifices himself and dies

-when he was imprisoned on chen’s island, he was alone

-then decoded happens and we find out he’s got intense trauma from that

-he thought he was alone in his internal battle

-then boom

-he’s the fucking ice emperor. alone for decades, committing genocide

-and when he finally snapped out of it, that had to of destroyed him

-he’s spent so much time being alone and facing so much trauma, that he always gravitates towards being in groups

-we’ve seen him and pixal spend time working together in the workshop, he enjoys family meals and cooking for everyone, he’s been shown to not like it when the others occasionally fight, and an overall loving guy

-he prbly doesn’t realize it, but he’s the glue that holds everyone together

-this one was so jumbled

and last but not least...

Kai

Gifts

-now not only does this fit his personality, it also makes sense with his bad childhood

-we all know kai is a very cocky and prideful person. he’s always showing off, flaunting his good looks, and can be sometimes arrogant

-ofc under all that is a very kind and loving big brother and friend

-but bc of this he’d not only love getting gifts from fans and the others, but giving them as well

-kai, like nya, didn’t have a good childhood

-he’s not an emotional person and he was never used to saying “i love you,” instead he had to take care of his sister while trying to run a business

-his way of showing love is giving things for his family

-there’re aren’t many instances of this in the show, but the gift giving doesn’t necessarily have to be smthg physical

-he’s sacrificed himself for the others on several accounts, he offers advice when needed, giving pep talks, helping raise lloyd, he even helped jay propose to nya, those things can be considered as gifts too

(again i’m sorry if any of this isn’t coherent i just had some thoughts. pls feel free to add on if i missed smthg)

The point of this is that these kids love each other and have different ways of showing it💙💜🧡💚🤍❤️

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[mxvladdy]

I would like to request! Can I request? Well I wish for you to consider what type of person/what kind of situation would cause the brothers to make a pact with someone. Maybe even what they would request in exchange? This can be before or after they met MC. With that out of the way, I totally binge read all of your works after my sister gushed to me about the True Form series, and just thank you??? It made me really happy reading them and it's always impressively detailed and well thought out.

Awww thank you! I’m glad it’s rave-worthy! I plan to add to it soon bc it was an absolute riot to write and research for lol

And wow this one is a toughie! I’ve actually never thought of what would make them want a pact! Hope ya like it!

Lucifer- Pact of Success

Absolutely the hardest brother to do business with, but that is probably a good thing. He is incredibly selfish with his contracts. Sure, they’ll benefit from his pact mark, but he will get the most out of it. Aside from MC he only takes requests for contracts from the human “elite”. They make wonderful feathers in his cap.

But also he takes some enjoyment in breaking them. They always get so cocky with his contracts thinking that they have him on the ropes and at their beck and call. It gives him a good chuckle, humans are so brazen considering their very short lifespan.

He destroys them slowly over time- all the little minutia he peppers in his legal bindings adds up. Not that his normal clientele ever read the fine print. But he designed it that way to make sure they don’t. All their requests are the same and so simplistic. Big boats, fancy cars, climbing the proverbial ladder faster than their friends or enemies - blah-blah-blah. At least the paperwork is easy to complete.

Very rarely does he find a contract he is excited to make. Those contracts are given to artists and craftsmen he sees potential in. He loves good art, and every artist should take pride in their work.

When it comes to the “price” of his pact it is worryingly simple. All he wants is some of their time. It sounds simple, and it is. Which is why it’s dangerous. The contract doesn’t specifically say how or the rules of it. How he takes your time is completely up to him.

Sometimes he simply comes for a drink and to ask how business is going. Or with the pacts he gives a damn about- he pops in to see progress on their artist visions or listen to their latest musings.    

Other times if he grows tired of his pact holders’ ever-growing demands or ludicrous requests he comes and takes time right out of their lifespan. His visits leave them weak and fatigued though they can’t place why. He is a slow siphon of death and they are too foolhardy to notice. If he is feeling especially cruel, or sentimental he takes memories, things that a demon generally wouldn’t want.

Time with family, the first time they met the love of their life, a child’s birthday. He takes them all and leaves them with only a blurry recollection in his wake

When MC crosses his path though he is very apprehensive. He doesn’t want a pact or anything that could jeopardize Diavolo’s upcoming plans. But they make his skin itch with want. He doesn’t want them to be another trophy on his wall. He wants a mutually beneficial pact, one that almost leans in their favor and it grates him. Should/ when a pact is made he won’t use his powers on you as then he would have to take something in return. Instead, he takes his time and coaches them to be successful by their own right, though if he has to eliminate some obstacles- well they don’t need to know that.

Mammon- Pact of Riches

I love his man with all my heart, but even when he isn’t losing bets or getting tricked into pacts he still isn’t the most selective with who he conducts business with. He is the avatar of greed, after all. I guess it comes with the territory.

He scouts for already wealthy humans or people with a good head for numbers and is money smart. Some are too smart to deal with him, knowing that whatever monetary gain they are granted from him will backfire in the end (or their mama’s taught them not to make deals with strange demons). But a sucker is born every minute, and he has nothing but time on his hands.

His pacts are pretty simple and upfront. Sign on the dotted line and they get some of his wicked gamblers’ luck and more riches than one human life span could do much with. While he gets a glorified accountant and a nice percentage of their profits. It’s a win-win… for him.

See he forgets to mention that there are two sides to every coin, and his flip side is particularly detrimental to one’s health. He just so conveniently glosses over that his luck will wear out over time depending on how frequently the pact holder uses it.

But the hunger for more doesn’t. If anything that particular sensation grows into an all-consuming fire in the pit of their pitiful guts. It forces them back into the seedy basements or griming gambling halls. One more roll, one more stack of bills, just one more time and they will hit pay dirt surly! But the losses just keep coming. If one of his pact holders ends up face down in a ditch after one too many bad hands and uncontrollable greed… well ain’t nobody’s fault but their own.

He has a softer spot for humans that seek him out and treat him like a living being instead of some tool to be tossed around at will. It’s refreshing. He will actually take some care with these pacts and tell them to temper their use of his magic so they can get the most out of it in the long run. They still might run into misfortune and he is genuinely sorry for that but there is only so much he can do in the end.

With MC he doesn’t even tell them about what his pact can do or how to use it. He doesn’t want anything bad happening to his human. If they want something tell him he will do it himself no magic or pact summoning required. He wants to keep them happy and healthy for as long as his lifespan will allow.

If MC should find how to use his pact mark he will get pissed. Not so much at them but the situation in general. He’ll be upfront about the whole thing, judge him how they want but he refuses to let greed consume them too. He focuses a lot of time and energy on learning how to reel in his magic with them so they get some of the perks but none of the major downsides. Unlike with his other pacts where he lets it all just run wild (just means they use up their contact faster and he can move on to even bigger fish).

Leviathan- Pact of Wisdom and Skill

Surprisingly, despite his antisocial tendencies with “normies”, he gets around when it comes to contracts. Perhaps it’s jealousy at his other brothers or perhaps he finds collecting contracts a bit of a game on its own.

He has a small niche of people interested in his pacts. Pacts with him give people a strategic advantage in nearly any situation. Seemingly overnight his humans turn into near tactical geniuses. Because of that, he is very popular with military leaders and humans with dangerous careers.

He also makes mini contracts with foot soldiers and humans with dangerous oceanic jobs. They just want to make it out alive and he gets that. With contracts like these, he is more lenient and doesn’t ask for much. Make an offering of fancy food to Henry 2.0 or wait in line for a rare human figuring he wants. Wam-bam thank you ma’am kinda business.

This is completely different from his larger contracts. With the military contracts, he expects them to continue with their duties until they die in the field. Simple as that, he doesn’t mince words in his contract. It’s what he would do as General so he expects it from them. Should they try to define him he will get rid of them.

He takes delight in defiant contract holders. They think they are as clever as he is now. But they forget that they are using his magic. He could take his magic away right after they defy him sure...but he won’t. He lets them stew for a bit, thinking they have had the last laugh on envy. If they wish to play games with a General then he will make sure it’s good.

With MC he plays on easy mode, granting them insight and little touches of his magic during exam week or when playing a game against his brothers. He wants nothing in return from them but some quality hangout time.

Satan- The Pact of Retribution

As the only pure-blooded demon out of the seven, he does these pacts out of necessity like most other demons. While the others do it more so out of monetary gain and an obligation to the crown. Or if you’re Belphie, sheer enjoyment.

He does it because he hungers, it a hole in his very self that he is trying to fill. He hunts for one reason only- relief from his cardinal sin. He will never feel the calm after a storm of rage naturally. Patience and tranquility are the antitheses of his very creation. So he gets it artificially through his contracts.

He looks for the downtrodden, angry, and the most bitterly despondent humans he can find and gives them the chance to seek vengeance. He is very upfront with what his pact entails. Once the vengeance is complete his rage will consume them and they will become another soul for him to consume.

He isn’t cruel about the process or tries to trick a human into a mark. Very few of the ones he approaches turn him down even after hearing the details. It is possible that humans once shot to get even and he gets to feel bliss, to feel calm. He finds out that the longer or more obscure the plan for retribution is the sweeter the outcome is for Satan.

If he is feeling super ornery he will go after people affected by the outcomes of Lucifer’s pacts. They are easy prey and almost as wrathful as Satan himself. Bonus it aggravates Lucifer to no end when he has to go out of his way to clean up the mess Satan’s contract made of his own.  Anything to piss him off makes Satan feel all the better.

With MC he doesn’t need to use his pact magic. Mostly because they are always around him in the Devildom, and no one is stupid enough to mess with someone Satan favors. If someone or something does irritate his MC he will take it out before it can fester into something his magic will try to latch onto. Keeping you calm and happy makes him feel almost tranquil as well.

Asmodeus- Pact of Gratification

Another very popular pact to try to get, and how could it not? He is fabulous~ But as much as people try to find him, he only goes for a certain type of contract. He has his perfectly manicured fingers on the pulse of the fashion and beauty industry.

His name is a whisper among the up and comers in the business. Many-while not looking for a pact - at least want to see him at least once. Many never will, they get cut from their agency or quit before they could get a foothold. It happens, and he hates to see it. Everyone deserves to feel gorgeous, or at least get a chance to be in the same room as him!

But for the ones the perceiver and climb the ranks get invited to one of his many parties. They can only get invited by someone wearing his mark. He trusts them to know who would be amenable to his contract.

His pact grants its bearer a glamor that can’t be broken by any meer mortal or mage. It makes them absolutely irresistible. How they wield that power is completely up to the user, he won’t judge or intervene.

Once they sign the contract all his holders see him frequently. He absolutely loves dropping in on their shoots or fancy dinners to say hi or get a recap on how they are fairing. Not because he is a nice demon or just super friendly (though they would like to think so). No, he just likes to watch.  

His payment is slow, methodical and no one sees it happen until it is already complete. In exchange for beauty and the graduation of getting whatever their little hearts could as for he gets their ability to love, whether that be familiar or sexual. Asmo loves the feeling of being loved; he wants it in all ways possible.

Some pact holders don’t have an issue with this. They got their looks, a successful career, and people to manipulate to their heart’s content. Not having strong contentions with anyone works in their favor. But others don’t and while they search for him to try and get that little slice of humanity back he is long gone. He got what he wanted anyway.

MC is his darling. He can and will make a special contract just for them (reviewed by Lucifer). A beautiful new contract for a beautiful soul! He wants you as unchanged as possible because this MC is the one he fell for.

Beelzebub- Pact of Prowess

His pact is a very elusive one as he isn’t keen on going and looking for one. Beel isn’t a big fan of these trades, but he needs them every once and a while. Nothing is more filling than a contracted soul.

His trade is basic, make a pact and you get his strength. He, like Satan, is upfront about what his payment is and what side effects will plague them. He sees no reason to lie about it. The more they draw on his power the more the host's body gorges itself. Their bones will collapse in on themselves from the stress of it- the magic feeds on anything in the host bodies. It will deplete the iron in the blood, go after the calcium in the bones, sink its teeth in their muscle system.  

It’s all rather gruesome and Beel does feel bad about it. He tells though who are still adamant about binding with him ways they can negate some of the side effects by taking supplements and augmenting their diets.

But it is like patching a deep cut with a bandaid, it just won’t work. His stomach is near bottomless- humans most certainly aren’t. They simply can’t eat enough to sustain their body like he can.

It surprises him that people still seek him out. To some, the pros outweigh that very huge cons. Some really do believe that they can find a loophole or find the right mix of medication to offset it.

He doesn’t get beaten up about it anymore but it gets on his nerves how obstinate humans can be about his very clear warnings. When his magic finally consumes them he takes both the body and soul back down with him and feasts on both.

With MC he keeps an eye out on them. Consistently checking in, making sure they don’t skip a meal, and join him at the gym often. He wants them to be strong and healthy enough to not ever want to use his pact. Though he does speculate that their angelic bloodline buffers both his and his brother’s magic a good bit.

Belphegor- Pact of the Visionary

Dreamers come in every shape and size and from different walks of life. But they are are all suckers to Belphie. He is known as the Lord of Decet for a reason.

He will promise them everything and anything their heart desires. That invention that will change the world? Done. A patent that is long overdue. Easy enough. A sudden rush of ingenuity to complete that nagging project. He is a devil of his word, it will be done. It- just won’t be done in the way they would want it.  

See manipulating the physical realm is hard work. Like a lot of hard work. More than he would ever do for some stupid little human. It’s a lot easier to control outcomes in his realm.

The moment the contract is signed his hosts fall under his control and he takes it from there building a perfect little dream world for them to frolic in and believe they are getting what they want. He feeds off of them here, taking little sips from their energy and exploring these new fresh dream worlds. His dreamscapes get boring every once and a while, so having a new human under his influence is always refreshing.

While his humans thrive inside their minds their bodies waste away in bed as his magic draws them further and further into an endless sleep.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with his contracts. Who would argue with him that the dream realms aren’t real in their own sense? Did his humans not accomplish their goals in the end? He doesn’t think of the outside effects of his magic and pacts. Belphie really doesn’t care about what families he broke apart or lives he inadvertently affected.  

MC is different to him though. He doesn’t keep them under his spell hardly ever (maybe if they are spending too much time with Dia or Lucifer. But he doesn’t push it with them.).He still walks into their dreams whenever he feels but he comes just to visit, not to change. He simply just enjoys keeping you company and relaxing in the little mini paradise you always seem to create in your dreams.

[space-city-traffic]

yet again im back on my bullshit so... (gazes with mixed feelings at the TV show Firefly) i could fix him.

my extremely long thoughts about my Own Personal Good Version of Firefly (with plenty of spoilers for the show and the movie) under the cut:

things that are getting axed first thing no question:

out with the whole “let’s add in a thin veneer of Chinese cultural aesthetics out of context for ~flavor~” deal. just no.

instead, let’s hire some actors from a bunch of different cultures and work with them to figure out how their characters would bring those cultures into space with them!! and also hopefully bring some experiences with immigration/alienation/travel into it, since the Whole Core of Firefly is about how humanity always brings our doomed and silly and stubborn and unique warmth with us even into the cold void where nothing is familiar or homey in the slightest.

let’s respect our sex worker character shall we?

i do appreciate that Inara’s work as a companion is described as legitimate and well respected in the show. however please stop having your captain and hero call her a wh*re every five seconds against her clearly expressed wishes and portraying this as just a totally acceptable thing

let’s be more respectful of our characters of color and also have some more diversity, shall we?

others have put it better than me but yeah, the way Zoe and Book are treated is very uncomfy, and the rest of the show is depressingly monochromatic. come on let’s do better.

stop the weird confederacy hat tips

again others have pointed these out with much more thoroughness than I could, but the names of some characters and locations, as well as some of the language used to describe the browncoats, has uncomfortably confederate vibes. instead i propose we very Clearly tip our hats to the Alliance equaling space capitalism instead! you can’t go wrong with space capitalism as a villain.

don’t! make! the! psychotic! character! violent!

listen i love River Tam with my whole heart. but you should absolutely not portray your only character with psychosis as violent because of that psychosis!!!!!!! and yeah, a huge part of her character is that her brain got fucked up by the alliance and so she hallucinates and is also a super ninja. but like. she doesn’t need to be a super ninja for her character to work, okay? the crew does not need to be scared of her for her character to work, okay??? more on this later bc it would take a lot of care and nuance to make her character work but i really think it can be done

things we are absolutely keeping:

found family tropes my fucking beloved

this should be self evident. this is why the show is as appealing as it is despite its flaws, at least in my eyes.

malcolm reynolds, the knight in dusty armor

there’s something so appealing to me about what Mal stands for. because at his core is this ridiculous, silly, stubborn, doomed devotion to what he thinks is important and right, a romantic idealism thinly covered by cynical cowboy platitudes that he thinks make his bleeding heart totally invisible. and he is so obvious and entirely incorrect. bless. this is a man who will do anything for his family, who charges into swordfights to defend his friend from a man who wants to turn her into an object despite having no clue how to hold a sword. at his worst, he starts brawls in bars just for the martyr’s thrill of being persecuted for supporting the right; at his best, he inspires downright religious belief from his crew because he represents a romantic and chivalrous and doomed dedication to the right thing over any practical concerns. and then he throws a “selfish” quip over it with 100% confidence that everyone fell for his clever distraction and believes him to be a dirtbag. he’s oblivious and ridiculous and god he makes me want to be a better person because he’s just so goddamned sincere. stupid, but sincere. 10/10 himbo. <3

Mal and Inara ultraslowburn friends to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to friends to...

there’s nothing i love more than a ship that’s just two people who know each other way too well, and they’re each the only one who knows the other well enough to call them out on their bullshit. the way Mal and Inara interact in the show sometimes makes me uncomfy but like. the core of their relationship has to stay.

space western aesthetic

i need the cows on a spaceship scene to stay like i need air okay

that sweet sweet religious shit

mal, who lost his faith in gd and a whole lot else during the war. who lost his faith in himself, and now feels he has to hide the part of him that still wants to be good, because he knows he can’t be anymore, and he feels like it’s embarrassing for a guy like him to want something so unattainable. who takes a preacher on board, and the preacher has lost something, too. the preacher has his own past, and his own questions. but not questions like the observant neurodivergent girl, the one who wants to interact with and understand this thing that’s so important to him, but it just doesn’t click with how her brain works and she feels like something needs to be fixed, either the Bible or herself. and Mal takes care of them all, and slowly, he begins to find gd again, not in a prayer but in humanity. humanity doesn’t need to be fixed, like the alliance thinks. the shining imperfect strawberry sweetness of it in his family’s smiles is something to be worshiped and served and devoted to. and he finds he has something to believe in again. (and his crew find that he’s given them someone to believe in, too. and maybe suddenly he’s a saint.)

and finally, my brilliant ideas as to what i would like to add:

TRANS WOMAN KAYLEE RIGHTS

listen her femininity is so important to me okay? it’s so thrilled about everything that’s pretty, from dresses to the spaceship’s electric innards, and it’s so non-traditional and grease stained until it’s not and it’s pink and ruffly and twirly, and she never sees any of it as a contradiction, because none of it contradicts, it’s all just her! her gender is warmth and love and prettiness, feeling pretty and appreciating the pretty and making her friends’ days pretty too.

i want us to find out she’s trans in that episode with the ball, and i want us to find out alongside Mal who just never asked or never realized. Kaylee gasps and squeals at the dress in the shop window and Mal makes an off handed, ill considered comment, and then... someone yanks him aside and hisses a few very significant words in his ear. and suddenly he remembers what the blue white and pink she painted all over the engine room means, and he knows he has something to make right. so he buys her that dress himself and lets her know just how pretty she looks, and when he walks into that ball with her displayed on his arm like something precious, he looks the proudest out of any man there. and she notices. for a few seconds, of course, until there’s chocolate, and ‘nara, and a chandelier—and some horrible girls, but she’s used to that, until—suddenly, she finds her people. a group of old men who light up when she jokes about compression coils and whack presumptuous boys who ask her to dance. they adopt her as a treasured granddaughter, and Mal is beaming at her like a proud dad, and she finds that one of her new elderly friends gazes a little too long at her bracelet, and so she gives it to xem and teaches xem a few new words, and... it’s a good day, huh? it’s a really good day. (of course, then the captain has to go and punch somebody in the face, but it was a real nice party up until then.)

also she and Simon are both transhet t4t im correct and you know it

time for a better River Tam

the first thing we’ve established is that this version of her is not unpredictably violent and the crew is not scared of her!!!! it makes no sense to take a kid who’s primarily brilliant, experiment on her brain, give her telepathic powers....... and tack on the fact that she also has super strength and speed and dexterity and what not, AND say that they programmed her to be super violent. no! no. not only is that extremely harmful rep, that’s also just stupid.

instead!! my version of River is in fact not terrifying to the crew, but is actually the one they feel safest around. River has always been totally blunt, she was one of those kids you could tell realllllly early was autistic, and she doesn’t like being disengenous at all. so you can always trust her to tell the truth and not play weird passive aggressive games or have any hidden agenda, which makes her just a really chill person to be around. also, one of her longtime special interests is music and dance, so whether or not she’s nonverbal on a given day, there will always be some sort of beautiful sound when she’s around. she does have the singing voice of a dying crow unfortunately but that’s ok bc Simon’s is even worse and they’re both incredibly competitive so you’ll at least get free entertainment out of the affair.

my version of River does have psychosis and hallucinations because of the trauma of the experiments, and they are really troubling to her. she and Simon work together to find ways to cope and meds that help, and it’s a process, but there are some things that help.

the only thing she gained from the academy was the ability to hear people’s thoughts and sense the future a little bit. and yeah, that led to her picking up a few spooky secrets at the beginning, which, yikes. and for a while, it was hard to figure out which voices were real and which were hallucinations. but around her friends, she always feels safe to ask “did you just think about triple cheese burritos or was that just a me thing?”, and they’ll always tell her the truth no matter how embarrassing their thoughts are, bc it’s important to all of them to respect her and help her sort accurately through what’s reality and what’s not. and bit by bit, she gets better and better at figuring out what kinds of things tend to be telepathy and what kinds of things tend to be psychosis, and that each one feels a little different. and because of the trust and respect and support of her found family she’s able to do that in a safe environment!!!

trans man Simon rights

listen i wanted to keep him as just a side note on Kaylee’s list but he is my son and he’s important to my heart so here goes

out on the outer rim where Kaylee’s from, gender ain’t much of a big deal, there’s an individualistic quality to life out there, and so if the trail you blaze is the trail of a woman or a man or neither or both, that’s respected even in the rare cases where it’s not outright encouraged. but in the inner planets, where competition and connections and public faces and family names are everything, you have to be what’s expected of you to survive. you can’t change your brand, you can’t be anything other than what your family planned for you since before you were born, it’s incredibly hard to survive in such a hyper competitive environment, and so your very identity becomes just a tool in how to market yourself for better success.

needless to say Simon (just as autistic as his little sister and also very trans) fuckin hated it there. but he was very good at it. correction: he was very good at his very specific field of STEM, good enough to where people stopped talking about how cute he looked in bows and started talking about how impressive his work was from a very young age. and his work had no gender. he could be whatever he wanted to in equations. so that was where he could express himself, and gd, he got so much praise for it, he never wanted to stop.

not until he discovered that his sister needed him, and ran away, and needed a disguise, and realized... suddenly, every stifling rule and prying eye was a million miles away. he was freefloating, freefalling, with none of the charted paths he’d been following all his life... so you know what? fuck it. he’s always enjoyed the name Simon. and since it’s not on any legal records, it’ll make him just that much more untraceable.

and on Serenity, starting over with new people who never knew him before his transition feels like an unbelievable blessing that just dropped right into his lap. he has to keep up the secrecy, he has to make sure they never find out who he used to be, because gd, it’s so nice when they look at him and say his name right, and he doesn’t know if he can handle losing that, not when it’s so new and so important to the person he’s finally becoming. but then one day, the unthinkable happens, the wanted posters for his arrest have an old name on them, they’re looking for the Tam sisters, and... nothing changes. the crew of Serenity could not give even a tenth of a percent of a fuck, and it doesn’t seem like they even know they’re supposed to. huh. that’s new. Simon could get used to that, he thinks.

i’m sure there’s more i could add, but it’s 4:30 in the morning now, so if more occurs to me, ill simply add it in a reblog tomorrow. if you’ve read down this far, i am in love with you. please let me know your Better Firefly ideas, too, bc im always down to yell about this show!!!

[boethiah]

(DE question) I’m uncomfortable to say that Harry losing his memory is “better” for him — amnesia is traumatizing, the game says that often, and on average memory loss doesn’t get credited as serious trauma. I don’t believe the game glorifies this; there’s lots of critique and considerations and this clearly haunts Harry.

Yet, Harry does become a different character after he loses his memories. His past is fixed — but depending on your choices in the game, you do have a fresh start with who Harry would become. Life, Death, and Life Again. Do you agonize over that as much as I do? It’s hard to see Harry before the events of Disco Elysium, meta-narrative because it’s a Game and you’re stuck to the game’s script instead of experiencing it. The information that is clear to us is awful: Harry took away a culprit’s ability to walk, the whole woman incident, he’s been described as emotionally manipulative and destructive by people closest to him, etc.

I see Harry as a villain bc there’s just a lot of points that paints him as one. Being a cop in general, the game’s (subconscious) driving to get the player to loot people’s properties, and it’s more apparent when Kim says things like “The Jamrock Shuffle” (pointing out Precinct 41’s tendency to raid). I don’t know where I’m going with this, but there’s just a lot to dissect here. I enjoy DE and this is one of the things I love picking at

(Harry amnesia anon again) to clarify I don’t think the game considers Harry anything but bad either, there’s occasions where the RCM is criticized. The whole suspect situation is bleak too — you’re not giving the closure Revachol would need, as a cop. There’s just a bunch of things to think about though! The whole allowing Harry to improve as the player committing to helping him, but also restricted to supporting very precarious conditions that teeters on allowing awful people to run away without reprimand.

i don't think the game glosses over how traumatic harry's amnesia is-- trauma is an overt theme in the game. there's a fantastic kotaku article that makes the comparison of the various "skills" you interact with throughout the game and the ways that trauma fractures your identity. authority, electrochemistry, physical instrument, pain threshold-- these are all just various ways of responding to the constant fight-or-flight state PTSD puts you into.

i'm a firm subscriber to the theory that harry attempted suicide during the bender that induced his amnesia. and on a personal note, DE does a better job than any media i've ever seen of the fucked up, confusing, lonely experience of trying to put your life back together after surviving a suicide attempt. it's something i'm dealing with right now and it sucks. you repress like hell while your body reels from the trauma of a near-death experience. you have to somehow handle all the same stresses of life that pushed you over the edge in the first place, you have to figure out how to live again when you don’t really even want to live. i don't think that harry's amnesia is "better" for him-- but then again, what would be better? if he'd succeeded in killing himself? he is, in fact, a terrible person, so would it be "better" if he died?

and i think that's what makes DE so compelling-- it's impossible to make a choice that is "right" or "good". on my first playthru i tried to help everyone and fix everything, and it ended with dozens dead and kim getting shot. it's frustrating, it's depressing, and it's absolutely accurate to how things work in real life. games feed us an idea that we single-handedly have the power to help everyone and fix everything, and DE turns that on its head. in the final confrontation with jean, you can try to tell him about all the good you've done, and none of it really matters

as you said, one cop can't give revachol what it needs, because the problems that revachol faces are systemic. you, as a player, can't really give harry the help he needs either, because his problems started long before we woke up on that hotel room floor. the power of an individual is so small. there's no happy conclusion where everything is fixed. you can't heal martinaise and you can't heal yourself; all you can do is try

[voiceless-terror]

would you consider writing me some precanon jongeorgie angst. bc i imagine they probably bonded over their interest in the supernatural but never. you know. actually talked about their personal experiences/trauma. just give me a little of both of them handling that trauma very badly while never admitting their closest brush with the supernatural. or something. idk.

Hello anon! I haven’t written Jon/Georgie yet, but this prompt was too good to pass up. Hope you like!

Being with Georgie was easy. It shouldn’t have been, not for him.

But it was.

She carried herself with the utmost surety: of her opinions, of her feelings, of her place in the world. It wasn’t arrogance, more like confidence and something else Jon couldn’t quite put his finger on. There was a blankness in her eyes sometimes. Not an absence of feeling but an absence of...understanding, maybe. Of empathy. Georgie saw the world in black and white; she knew exactly what was right and what was wrong. She was blunt. She bulldozed over others in conversations, pointed out flaws that polite society knew to overlook and not name. Jon admired it, as much as it made him cringe.

But it was complemented by her fierce capacity for loving, her clever, teasing words, the way her fingers ran through his hair when he was stressed. That black and white view could quiet his mind like no other- ‘yes, Jon’, ‘no, Jon.’  She listened to his incessant rambling, nodding in the right places and adding her own commentary. She filled out the crosswords in the morning, her brow furrowed in concentration, colorful nails tapping at the table. She never wanted help, stubborn to a fault. Her dark skin ethereal in the morning light, the way her voice was low and croaky before her coffee. The ease with which she said ‘I love you.’ 

He remembered the day she first approached him, all ripped-tights and smudged, smoky eyeshadow. Just leaned against the wall on that chilly fall night and snatched the cigarette right from his hand, an eyebrow flicked upward as she took a drag. He couldn’t get a word out, just silently took her phone when she offered it and typed in a number with shaking hands. A year later and she was still that same girl, though he’d seen her stash of manga and her weird cat memorabilia. She was whole, real. It was comfortable.

“I’m not really sure if I should go.” They’re curled up on the couch, Jon leaning into the warm bulk of her. “All of the others are going, though.”

“It’s not like you’re close, right?” Jon’s petting the Admiral, the new addition to the household fitting in seamlessly. “I’m sure she won’t take it as an insult. You can always say you’re busy. Who was it, again? Her father?”

“Yeah.” Georgie’s shifting against him, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. It’s odd- she’s not usually so awkward about these things. If there’s something she doesn’t want to talk about, she shuts it down right away. This seems...different. “And no, not close. But everyone else is going- they want to show their support, I guess. It would be awkward if I didn’t.”

Perhaps Georgie didn’t like funerals. You’re not supposed to, of course. Maybe it was a phobia, a perfectly valid one. Plenty of people don’t like to see the reminder of death laid out before them. Jon’s been to a few in his lifetime- for his Gran’s friend, for a distant cousin.

For his parents.

He doesn’t remember his father’s, he might not have even gone. He was only two at the time. He distantly remembers his mother’s; it wasn’t well attended, he sat in the front row with his Gran. He doesn’t even remember crying, if he even realized the thing in the box was his mother, dead and gone.

Needless to say, he understands Georgie’s sentiments. “You don’t have to go, not if...not if you don’t like it. Plenty of people are uncomfortable with death-” This was the wrong thing to say, for Georgie tensed instantly, leaning away from him.

“That’s not it at all,” she says, snatching her legs out from where Jon’s leaning comfortable against them. “It’s- it’s the performance of it all. All those people standing around a body, sniffling and moaning-”

Jon tried for levity, bristling at her tone. “People grieve, they need closure-”

Georgie snorted, this time shoving him away on the couch, the Admiral jumping from Jon’s lap at the movement. Her words became impassioned, as if Jon needed to know, needed to understand. “Cremate them, then! Say a few words, scatter the ashes, whatever. But having the body on display like that?” She gets up, starts to pace. Jon’s never seen her like this. “Paint the corpse, dress it up, pretend it’s a person still but it’s not, and everyone’s just standing there around it, praying over it and watching it like it’s not just rotting meat you put lipstick on-”

“Georgie!”

“I can’t stand it.” She stops in front of him, chest heaving and eyes aflame. “What’s so monumental about it? We live, we die- and her father was old, it was bound to happen sometime. No need to make such a to-do. It’s- it’s just disgusting, is what it is.” She didn’t continue, and an awkward silence permeated the room. 

Georgie got worked up about things on occasion. But the wild look in her eye, the total sense of incomprehension was...disconcerting. He agreed with her on certain points, of course, but the vehemence behind them- something wasn’t right. But it didn’t feel right to pry, either, and Georgie surely wouldn’t appreciate it.

“You could just say you’re busy, you don’t have to go,” he tries tentatively. She seems to deflate where she stands, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable. So he stands up, taking her hand in his. She lets him, but doesn’t meet his eyes. “But if you do, I can come with you. If you’d like.”

They stand in the very back row of the church after awkwardly greeting her grieving coworker. Georgie’s nails dig painfully into his arm, but he says nothing. They leave after ten minutes and stop at an Indian buffet on the way home. He silently watches her dig into a curry, his own untouched.

___________

When she first met Jon, she thought he was utterly out of her league.

It was her first semester back at school, she was an absolute fucking mess- drinking at all hours, barely present in her classes. She was out at the bar with a few new friends, most of whom she’d already forgotten the names of, and saw him standing there under a single flickering lamp, a cigarette dangling from long, slender fingers, raven hair back in a messy bun. Not many people could pull that off but he looked almost effortlessly cool (a thing she’d later find laughable for ever thinking) in his dingy leather jacket, his eyes far away and shadowed. She wondered what made him lose sleep. He had an odd, crooked little smile on his face and she was filled with liquid courage. The look he gave her when she took that cigarette out of his hand made her knees weak, and he took the proffered phone like he was only a little impressed. She sent a text to his phone and left, so embarrassed she went straight home.

He never did text her. To be fair, she never expected him to.

But she found him not two days later, hunched over a table in the campus library. She did a double take- surely this couldn’t be him, her impossibly handsome, silent figure who she surely dreamed up. But there was no mistaking that hair, those eyes. He was smaller, somehow diminished in his baggy jumper and wire-rimmed glasses, tapping a pencil against his textbook in irritation. Before she knew it she found herself picking up her phone, sending a text to the number with no name. And sure enough, his phone buzzed.

They went out on their first date a day later.

Jon was a ball of nerves, awkward and not at all like the man she thought she met that night. Somehow, the real Jon was better. She liked the way he blushed and stammered, the way a touch of her hand left him flustered and unable to speak. The way he could talk for hours about nothing at all, making even the most dull of subjects seem interesting with that voice of his- a voice surely meant for radio or T.V., something Jon himself endlessly scoffed at whenever she brought it up. They would sit in front of the telly for hours, marathoning ridiculous ghost hunting shows and pointing out the obvious fakes. Jon had a weakness for ghost stories, just like she did. “Most of them are absolute drivel, of course,” he said.

Most of them. 

They found comfort in each other, their small island of two, had no need for other company. Georgie had never been able to relate to someone so well, not since Alex, and Jon was never fond of crowds. Three months in he tried to break up with her, saying he could never give her what ‘she needed’ but she stopped that in its tracks- Georgie would be the one who decided what she did and didn’t need, thank you very much. She liked the way he leaned into her on movie nights, like her touch was the only thing that mattered. The sincerity in his eyes whenever he complimented her in that earnest, awkward way of his. He challenged her when he thought she was wrong, sometimes their fights lasted days. But they always came back to one another, each knowing they had no one else who understood them. Was it healthy? Georgie couldn’t answer that, she didn’t know herself. Jon probably didn’t either. But she loved him, in her way. 

That night they have a few glasses of wine, and Jon’s regaling her with some ridiculous story from his youth- apparently he was somewhat of a delinquent, wandering about at all hours. She laughs in delight, imagining a small, serious Jon climbing fences and evading the law. But suddenly Jon stops, his eyes going wide and his face growing ashen as he stares unblinking at the table.

It’s a spider- a tiny thing, really. Georgie’s been seeing a lot of them lately, and she really should be better about dusting the place. But Jon- Jon looks absolutely terrified, like the thing’s bound to leap out and kill him. She opens her mouth to tease, an instinctive reaction, but is instead startled by the loud smack of a hand against the table. Jon had smashed it certainly, but he lifts his hand and stares at it in wide-eyed horror, as if whatever he sees is nine times worse than the original thing.

“Jon-”

The chair hits the ground as he stumbles to her bathroom with heavy, labored breathing. She gets up slowly, approaching as quietly as possible to find him hyperventilating against the sink, the faucet on full blast as he washes his hand- scratches it, really. He’s mumbling frantically under his breath.

“...so many legs, get off, get off-”

She makes her presence known as not to startle him, approaching from the side and gently wrapping a hand around his arm once she sees him drawing blood. He starts anyway, his movements jerky and frenzied as he rips his arm away like her touch burns.

“It’s just a spider Jon,” she says softly, lifting her hands to show she means no harm. “It’s okay, you got it, it’s dead now-”

“But what if it isn’t!” He spits, slamming his hands on the marble rim of the sink and leaving bloody prints in his wake. He’s breathing so fast she thinks he might pass out. “What if it isn’t?”

She has no answer to that.

It takes about two hours, a hot shower and a stiff drink for him to calm down. They lay on the couch, watching something stupid, mind-numbing. She runs her fingers through his hair. He always liked that. She doesn’t say a word, he’s exhausted, and she knows from experience that pushing him will just lead to another fit like before. The next day, he brings her Hungarian by way of apology. They eat in a more comfortable silence, Jon gradually warming up as the evening goes on. Still, she doesn’t ask.

She spends the weekend cleaning her flat, standing on a chair and vacuuming at the cobwebs.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440474

[wonniesmile]

❥ playground! (ep. 2)

⤷ ellie’s moments in playground episode 2! (ft. txt <3)

⤷ bulletpoint format!

⤷ after a long wait, episode 2 is finally out! don’t forget to leave suggestions for new fics!!!

“HOW THE HECK DID YOU BEAT ME AGAIN.”

huening and ellie were once again playing on the nintendo, waiting on the others to finish getting ready for the next shoot.

“ellie please. please let me win. just this once...for my dignity.”

the boy gets on the floor and starts bowing.

ellie starts freaking out, obvi.

“NO PLEASE DON’T BOW!”

she’s in a very frantic state at this very moment, no clue why...but, i mean it’s ellie...right?

“what’re you guys playing?”, “oh- um- mario k-”

ellie looks up from her position, DUN DUN DUN.

that was like...really cringe, i’m so sorry.

it was none other than the choi beomgyu. standing. right. in. front. of. her.

“oh- oh my god- uh- h- he- hello!” she musters up a greeting and quickly bows.

“you don’t need to bow ellie! we’re friends!”

oh no, this poor girl’s heart.

if she dies from an early heart attack, it was bcs of choi beomgyu, just giving everyone a heads up! /j

anyways, her face was like BEET red.

from across the room, her members were watching her every move.

sunoo was laughing at how serious the rest of them were.

“can you guys like...idk...calm down? she’s literally fine.”

“i know, but...” (jake)

“but what?” (sunoo)

“oh you know...” (jungwon)

“can ya’ll finish the damn sentence?” (sunoo and jay)

“it’s nothing...” (sunghoon)

“jesus christ, you guys are insane.” (sunoo)

“five minutes!”

ellie’s head shoots up.

“darn it, i almost beat you.”

“not even close huening, ellie is the master.”

her cheeks, once again, burn up.

before she could thank beomgyu, ellie is pulled away by jungwon.

“what the heck wonie?”

“it’s time to go.”

she’s obviously very confused? what was getting into him?

choosing to ignore his attitude, ellie obliges and lets the boy drag her into the studio.

he spoke no words...very odd.

ellie started overthinking...did she do something subconsciously???

“places please!” she massages her temples and goes backstage to wait for her group’s cue.

the episode started with each group dancing on stage.

their instructions were to “have fun!”

she gave it her ALL, messing around...and even getting into a dance battle with riki.

she found it absolutely hilarious, but unfortunately, her face dropped at the sight of jungwon.

obviously, something was bothering him, but she didn’t have the courage to ask...at least not now when everyone seemed to be having fun.

jungwon was not one to show his emotions outwardly, so to a normal person, he seemed like his usual self.

but, ellie knows better, she can read jungwon like the back of her hand...something was up.

she made a mental note to herself to ask him if he was ok after the shoot.

the first game was an absolute BLAST.

they were competing to see which team they would have to play on.

since there was an odd number of people, ellie didn’t have to compete against anyone. instead, she got to choose which team she wanted to be on.

(she secretly enjoyed it)

she looked at the two teams in front of her.

her original plan was to go into the yellow team so both teams would have an equal amount of enhypen members, but she felt iffy about doing so because of jungwon...

she could possibly be overthinking things, but she didn’t want to take any risks.

making eye contact with him one last time, she looks over at the red team and points finger guns at them.

“yay ellie!” beomgyu seemed way more enthusiastic than everyone else.

of course, ellie’s heart rate quickens at the weird observation.

the team name choosing was absolutely wonderful.

beomgyu came up with ‘brave dummies’ and for some reason everyone went with it, not that ellie was complaining because it was REALLY funny.

this episode required a lot more physical activity than the last one, which she had no problem with.

she led her team to victory during the first game with the tubes and ping pong ball.

got picked up by beomgyu hai!

wait wait wait...let me set the scene for you guys because...it was something else.

after winning the race, the 7 teammates all did a group hug, ellie being shoved into the middle while the rest ferociously chanted “ellie! ellie! ellie!”

kinda scary...looked like a cult from the outside lol.

she was so confused.

all of a sudden, a figure picks her up from behind and starts cheering very loudly.

she looked absolutely terrified because she had no. clue. what. was. going. on.

and when this poor girl turns her head back to look at the person carrying her, all bodily organs in her shut down.

her eyes went blurry and suddenly she couldn’t see, her kidneys failed, her limbs detached from her body...it was insane.

jay and sunoo, being the teasers they were, laughed at the look of the flustered girl.

it was...so much.

when beomgyu put her down, she felt her life flash before her eyes.

she still couldn’t believe what just happened, placing a hand on her forehead to see if she was sick??? for some reason.

she literally could NOT think straight after that.

the rest of the episode felt like a blur.

during the flag game, she failed oh so miserably...

“you ok?” jay teasingly asks her.

“leave me alone.” *cue her side eye*

“hehe.” (jay)

she felt so bad for doing so badly during the game, she kept apologizing :’).

“ellie! its ok! none of us did good :)” thank god for yeonjun.

she had to lay her head down onto ni-ki’s shoulders because she felt so defeated.

ni-ki responded by hugging her by the waist.

“don’t worry, i did horrible too.”

she hummed and pouted.

the screaming from the others made her feel a lot better.

“there’s that smile!” sunoo squeezes her cheeks.

the other team won, obviously.

she examined jungwon, he seemed like he was doing a lot better, seeing him enjoy himself was all the reassurance ellie needed.

oh good god...the next game...hahahaha.

it was...hai!

they had a piece of paper in which they had to fit all their teammates on, it was...intense.

she tried standing in the middle of jake and ni-ki, but was pulled by kim sunoo to stand in between him and beomgyu.

she froze up, god...can’t you just act normally ellie? (this was to herself btw ;) )

she tried not to think about the close proximity between her and beomgyu, instead giving her all into the game.

“ellie, it’s alright, step on my foot.” yeonjun tells her.

“are you sure?”

“yes of course.”

she cautiously steps on his foot, making sure not to put too much weight into it.

they got past a good amount of rounds, the last one is where they REALLY struggled.

“i have an idea!”

ellie announces while clapping her hands.

“i think if we put our feet in this pattern...”

she shows what she means by using her own feet as an example.

“it would save space...we can hold onto each other for balance like all the other rounds and our other foot can come up. the foot on the ground will serve as a stabilizer.”

“that’s SUCH a smart idea!” yeonjun smiles at her.

“thanks!”

jake couldn’t resist it...it came as an automatic reflex. he moves his hand around to squeeze her cheeks.

“miss smarty pants saves us yet again!” (jake)

she glares at him and hits his arm.

(there was a slight smile on her face though)

with ellie’s strategy, their team wins yet again!!!

they huddled into a group hug while the other team groaned in defeat.

“ellie should’ve joined our team!” soobin yells.

she giggles.

the final game was a big round of yut nori, which ellie still had NO CLUE how to play.

“do you know how to play?” beomgyu asks her.

“not really?”

“no worries, leave it to us!”

ellie blushes...yk...the usual.

ellie didn’t do much through out the game, following whatever the others told her to do.

by the end of it, you’d think she’d know how to play, right? wrong!

she still, to this day, doesn’t know how to play yut nori :))).

she was sad as the shooting ended, knowing that they probably won’t be able to shoot together with txt for a LONG while.

it was so very fun getting to hang out with her seniors, though beomgyu was a bit too much.

after they said their goodbyes on camera, it was time to say goodbye off camera.

soobin suggested that they make a gc together, to which everyone happily agreed to!

beomgyu asked ellie for her number, which she shouldn’t have though much about considering he was the one making the groupchat for them, but a girl can dream right?

after hugging everyone goodbye, her group moved back into their dressing room.

“i’m exhausted.” sunghoon mentions.

ellie’s eyes did feel heavy.

the 8 of them have been shooting all day and they could all probably agree that what they needed now was a nice long nap.

she moved over to where sunghoon was laying down and tapped the boy to ask him to scoot over so she could lay down as well.

the girl cuddled into sunghoons warmth.

“sooo, you and beomgyu, huh.”

“why? are you jealous?”

“maybe...but you know who is Very jealous right now? and who you should probably talk to bcs he’s definitely upset?”

her eyes widen, finally realizing.

“oh my god, i gotta go.”

she climbs out of sunghoon’s embrace.

“i was comfortable ellie!”

“yeah yeah!”

she runs out the dressing room, frantically searching for jungwon.

she accidentally bumps into beomgyu.

“woah there, where are you going???”

“i’m so sorry! uh- i have to go talk to jungwon about something, i can’t really stay for long...”

beomgyu nods his head and motions for her to go.

she finally finds jungwon at a vending machine, grabbing two drinks.

“yang!”

she finally reaches him and drops her body down to catch her breath.

“i’m so sorry.”

“about what?”

“sunghoon said you were upset with me about something...and i wan- (deep breath) i wanted you to know that no one will ever replace you or any (deep breath) any of the other members (deep breath).”

jungwon stays silent for a bit before chuckling at the sight of the girl’s state.

“oh ellie...” he gently makes her look up by her chin, “don’t worry about it, i knew you would never do that...i just got jealous seeing you blush at beomgyu so much...”

the last part was barely audible, but ellie understood.

she giggles, “i didn’t know mr. yang was the jealous type!”

he glares at her, “whatever.”

she smiles and hugs him by the neck.

“let’s go back, we’re heading home soon.”

ellie pulls jungwon by the hands.

“wait,” he fishes for the two drinks still left in the vending machine, “this is for you.”

it was strawberry milk, her favorite.

“thank you, kind sir.”

the two walked back hand in hand.

“is wonie feeling better~” heeseung teased.

jungwon mocks his face.

“time to head back!” their manager calls out.

“god i cannot wait to sleep.” ellie groans.

“ellie~ can i sleep next to you tonight?” ni-ki pleads with his eyes.

“why not sunoo?”

“he wanted to switch it up today, apparently.” sunoo clings his arms with ellie’s.

“i mean of course you can riki, just promise me you’ll actually sleep and not watch videos all night.” ellie stares at him.

“promise.”

she smiles and hooks her free arm around his.

“now...let’s go home.”

[iamanartichoke]

I was going to reblog this post but my response got long and I didn't want to spill meta all over someone else's meta, so I'm just going to make my own post about this topic.

So this is about the points @stellophia brought up; namely, the frustration with the narrative:

On the "the writers aren't making this clear" note, this begs a question that I've been wondering about since week 1 and it doesn't really require an answer, because I don't think there is one but I'm gonna toss it out there anyway -

At what point do we, collectively as an audience, determine that the writers have made X thing or Y thing Clear Enough? Where is the line drawn between "the writers have not made this explicit enough, so the narrative fails" and "the writers have given us enough for us to draw our own conclusions, there's only so much they can do" - and is one option better than the other?

Like, I don't know. A lot of things that seem to be causing the biggest reactions (positive, negative, whatever) are things that, yes, the narrative doesn't make explicit, but I feel like some of it isn't explicit on purpose. @stellophia 's tags mention that you (the viewer) have to take a step back and think for a second, and I guess I am not sure why that's being considered a bad thing (if it is; I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, stellophia).

I mean, when it comes to establishing the setting and the plot, yes, the narrative does need to be more explicit. It's not being made clear, for example, whether or not the TVA is Bad (I think that the subtext on that is as subtle as a flashing red light, but that's just me). "Because they were supposed to" is a shit explanation, both in-universe and out, for why the Avengers aren't in trouble for their time-meddling. Things like that, yes, please make it clear for us bc a majority of us don't know wtf is going on with all of that.

But, when it's coming to character development and interactions? There's some things that the narrative shouldn't have to spell out for us. I thought it was obvious that Mobius was interrogating Loki, for example; I also thought it was obvious that most of what he said was said for a purpose, to get a rise out of Loki, to push him to the breaking point. I don't believe that Mobius believes most of the terrible things he was saying (although I will never forgive "you killed your mother," idc why he said it).

I mean, maybe I've just watched too many detective procedurals with this same scene over and over again - that is, the police pushing and pushing to get a clue or a confession, saying whatever they need to in order to break the case - but it never even occurred to me that anyone would interpret that scene differently until I came online and saw all the various takes, and then I was like - ??

And I'm not saying that if something isn't obvious immediately, then you're not doing a good job at interpreting the material. What I am saying is that more often than not with this show and its characters, it feels to me like the writers are putting the clues in there and leaving it up to the audience to figure out how we should feel. They're tossing us some clues and hints like puzzle pieces and saying here, put these together, and there are a few variations on the final piece and you can approach it however you like, but we're not going to put together the puzzle for you.

In regards to Loki's general behavior, I see a lot of posturing and putting on a show; he's not being himself, he's trying to give Mobius and the TVA the illusion that he's unaffected and in control, particularly after having shown all of his vulnerable cards last week in front of a total stranger. (FWIW, I don't think that he's really succeeding at this, and it's kinda clumsy for the Loki we know, but I don't for a second think that Loki has just changed, overnight, into a whole new person. I think a lot of the clumsiness (cringeyness) is on purpose, sorta.)

I feel like there's a lot that the narrative is saying about Loki in general, without coming right out and saying it. Like, instead of taking his over-the-top posturing at face value and saying it's ooc, why aren't we giving more weight to what Loki does and how he feels in the moments when he's alone or when he thinks no one is watching? Why aren't we examining some of the things he says and ask ourselves, hmm, I wonder where that's coming from; I wonder what he means by that; I wonder what his ultimate goal is here.

In trying to make heads and tails of Loki here, one of the things I'm looking at is the different ways he interacts with different people:

He's defensive with B-15, for example; his tone of voice when he was explaining to her that he used magic to dry off can only be described as withering.

With Mobius, there are a lot of different hats he tries on, so to speak, but I don't think that Loki trailing after Mobius like an excited puppy should be given more narrative weight than Loki being curiously inquizitive about Mobius's interest in jet skis, or the way he sounds - absolutely certain, as someone who's seen Some Shit - when he says, "I know something that children don't."

And when he first encounters the variant, he's very collected and measured, choosing his words carefully and only getting annoyed and/or snarky when they start "fighting." (I, too, could do without the one-liners in the heat of battle, tbh.)

My point is that the way Loki's "personality" changes depending on who he's interacting with and in what context is a pretty big clue, to me, that we can't take everything he says or does at face value. And that having seen him acting in all of these different ways while only being two episodes in, it makes me feel like we haven't even begun to see Loki's entire characterization in this show and how he'll approach what's coming next.

This just circles me back around to: where is the line drawn between a narrative failing (which Avengers was, in a lot of ways, and the show may turn out to be as well but it's too early to tell) and narrative subtext that maybe isn't being made clear on purpose? At what point do we, as the audience, say hey, let's work for this a little bit. Stello's tags mentioned that a lot of things are going to be lost on the casual viewer and I agree that that's the case, but none of us are casual viewers here.

Again, I don't know if there's a correct answer to this and a lot of this is just speculative and is not aimed at any one argument, interpretatation, or person. These are just "food for thought" thoughts.