#its just hard today

[cyancees]

i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing

[hinamie]

sympathy for cain

[heartofhubris-a]

Ok so things have been on my mind and I gotta legally preface this with I've had depression for 15 years and I've been suicidal for 12 so like were fine

Tw cancer, abuse, neglect

But like honestly iykyk but the feeling of being this broken for so long is such a comfort and a further reason for my depression to fester.

Like what kills me is this really is NOT normal. Parents abusing their children is not normal!

But like I wasn't ever hit. My sisters were, so I feel terrible since at least I wasn't hit but like.... what about the abuse I still got? It's so real and tangible ij the way I think and speak and interact with people.

Like I'd my parents had taken two seconds away from my brothers diagnosis, the signs were right there. But even that I feel guilty over since at the same time, my father was dying frok cancer. Like at least I had time with him not in a doctora office.

But at the same time I saw the man who let my learn how to trust fucking die infront of me!!! Have you seen your parent puke blood? Well bestie I held the sack with the clots for a min!

I've been abused so severely I simply shut down and go mute when someone yells at me, or my boundaries are getting ignored. "Just say no!" "Why didn't you say no?" We'll bestie. I didn't want to disappoint my partner since why couldn't i?

I hate getting like this. I feel so stupid and spoiled. I feel so spoiled for not wanting to be broken, and I find it so depressing that I feel guilt and disgust with myself just for wanting to not be abused. I'm constantly checking myself for not being my mom and what she does. But i don't know how to connect. I don't know how to klbe a human. How do I be a human? I'm clueless and I don't eveknknow how successful I am. Like I'm nearly constantly depersonalized, dissociated, or suicidal. I don't know how to change that, and I dont even know if it's possible for me to not be.

I haven't felt human since I was like 10, when the implications of what happened to me as a child started to hit me. I grew up with no sage spots, and no one to show me normalcy.

I don't want to kill myself. It's terrifying, though I do think of driving off some of the bluffs I drive. Many times I wouldn't be found in time, and it's addictive. I just don't want to exist anymore. I've never wanted to exist. I didn't ask for this. My being here make life worse for everyone in my family. I have measurable proof and the fucking guilt of this life haunts me. I know many people would be sad if I died, they've expressed as much.

But it's so hard today to argue out the voice pointing out it only takes a year or two for things to go back to normal. It's so hard today.

[meamiiikiii]

silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:

context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA

(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[favoure]

heyyy <3

[usertoxicyaoi]

"We were apart for just a short time. People can be so greedy."

TAKARA NO VIDRO (2024). SPINOFF EPISODE.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

dreaming abt sophomore year class swap bard!riz

[grzybjek]

recent sketches!!

The first pic are redesigns of my 2019-2021 ocs! If you remember any of these characters no you dont! Embarrassing. Second is Maria, Marysia, my beloved protagonist for my newest project. Third is Helena my favorite rat. And fourth is Maria once again, with her friend, Juras, also a character from my newest project

[yudol-skorbi]

big boy full of love and incredible violence

[positivelyadhd]

I truly encourage you to add things that simply bring you joy to your list of things to do that day.

it doesn't have to be big, it can be as simple as making your favourite drink or food for lunch or spending some time on a hobby or watching a show you enjoy.

adding things to look forward to and giving yourself time to experience those things is just as important as doing every other thing on that list.

you're allowed to plan to do things for no other reason than it makes you happy.

[maskofnova]

With your head down noone can see you cry but me.

[cozylittleartblog]

top hat, white tie, and tails ~

commission for @superfan44 , who wanted to see James redrawn in another famous Fred Astaire photo :)c it was fun doing this style again

[dreamdripdistance]

(shows up immeasurably late to the party) heyyy guys... hows it going...........

[some-messed-up-writing-for-you]

No greater horror than going to reread one of your favourite fics only to realize it was fucking deleted.

BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU SAVED IT ALL A WHILE BACK AND FIND THE SAVED COPY

So now Im just staring at the fucking PDF file of the fic, absolutely flabbergasted and shocked. This is it. This is the only way I'll ever be able to read it now. Holy shit 😭

The author deleted their entire accout too, so I guess they just wanted to get rid of everything. Which, I mean, is fine, it is their work after all. They can do whatever they want with it.

BUT MAN, Im gonna be saving stuff all the time from now on.

[littleplantfreak]

For good luck

Two leaders leave their partners to go to battle - not without a token of their love though

or to put it less dramatically, you give Choji and Ume something for good luck before a fight (separately)

SFW anddddd no other warnings ig

Characters: Umemiya Hajime, Choji Tomiyama

Tomiyama Choji

You're holding two cards left in this UNO match and one happens to be a draw 4. Just as you're about to put in down on the pile, Togame walks into the room carrying Choji's jacket.

"Sorry to interrupt, but it's about time for that fight, Choji." He looks to you apologetically and your boyfriend looks at the clock on the wall.

"Uno," you place your second to last card down and he looks back to the pile.

"Again?" Choji whines drawing four into his now ten card pile. It isn't the first time this round you had him drawing stacks of cards. You think he might just be incredibly bad at the game given how often you win.

"When you get back, the color's green," you say faking grumpiness at the fact that he's leaving right before you secure victory.

"If I win can it be red?" he pouts and furrows his brow. It's his equivalent of puppy dog eyes that he pulls out at least once a day, so although he looks adorable, nose all scrunched in upset, you're used to this ploy. There is no mercy in UNO and he knows that.

"You know you're going to win, and no, it's green." His cheeks are puffed out like a hamster as he puts his jacket on, but his mood switches up and suddenly he's the trusted leader of Shishitoren, ready to lead his guys into their next brawl. He still silly and excited, your little lionheart, as he gets pumped up to fight, but he's a little more serious too. "Choji." Never one to want to interrupt when he's about to go all out, but knowing it wouldn't feel right to let him leave like this, you're standing, waiting for him to remember the small tradition you two began in the beginning of your relationship.

The first time you ever sent him off to a fight, you were so nervous even Choji could tell. He'd said you were really lucky, so if you squeezed him as hard as you could the luck would rub off on him like a charm. You weren't really lucky, but you knew he was practically unbeatable if what Togame told you was to be believed. It did also calm your nerves, so you elected to always send him off this way just in case.

"I almost forgot my hug!" He spins and runs into you, grabbing you in an embrace.

"Big squeeze!"

"Even bigger squeeeeze!" Stretching your words to prolong the hug, you both release the insanely tight holds you had on each other. He's out of the door before you can say anything else, Togame close behind.

Leaving the cards on the stage of the Ori you were playing on earlier, you decide to make a quick trip to the store for snacks. Surely they were gonna be hungry when they got back, right?

Umemiya Hajime

"I'll hold down the fort while you guys are gone," you say, not looking up from the song book. Your boyfriend is the last to leave after hearing there's a fight outside the Karaoke Bar on Keisei Street. Nakamura and his gang were surely already there taking care of whatever troublemakers showed up, but your Furin boys couldn't hear the word fight without running towards it.

"Babe," his voice is strained as he's ready to head out. "can you...y'know?"

"Can I what, Hajime?" You put on an unaffected act, but it's not one you can hold for long. He taps his cheek as he bends towards you, a little bashful now that you're actually looking his way. "What do I get in return for giving you all my hard-earned luck hm?"

"My everlasting love and affection princess," he says bending his knee in front of you in an equally regal display. He places a small kiss on your hand and sees you crack a smile despite your initial play of indifference.

"How could anyone pass up an offer like that," you giggle, giving your prince a good luck kiss on the corner of his mouth as by accident. "You'll get a full one after you're back and in one piece," a hint of warning in your voice as you send him off. You hate when he comes back hurt, even if he says it's not that bad and that you really should see the other guy. A heavy sigh leaves you as you're left alone for whatever amount of time it takes for your boys to return from battle.

Once they're back, more people than had initially left showed up. It seems some of the Roppo-ichiza group heard there was karaoke and decided to tag along dragging some new faces into the room, not that you mind. Umemiya pops in while everyone is saying their hellos and takes his seat next to you again.

"You're back from war huh?"

"Yes ma'am! Can I collect my kisses now?" He's extra clingy, feeling bad that he left you alone for even a short while.  You can see no one is really hurt from the fight save for a few bloody knuckles and swollen cheeks. Ume himself only has a small bruise on his jaw and small cuts on his hands. "Gotta heal you first," you say putting your lips to his knuckles, your intention to kiss every injury being made clearer the farther along you progress. What he doesn't know as you're distracting him is that you've queue'd up 'baby shark' on the karaoke tablet about 20 times as payback for leaving you by yourself.