thinking about whumpee who just wants to engage in freaky funtime. they've gone through the horrors and they never want to go through them ever again- but being afraid is so very fun and they're badgering caretaker for it endlessly. but whenever caretaker demonstrates any willingness, whumpee immediately goes "but it'd just be play, right? it'd be pretend?" making caretaker think that maybe it's just not a good idea. whumpee just seems so anxious. it's like they love the idea of it, but any talk of execution makes them recoil.
still, they eventually work out an arrangement. whumpee is jittery as ever, testing out the safeword a thousand times to see whether caretaker would really stop. they say it before and after caretaker is finished tying them to the chair, they ask "but it's all pretend, yeah? you're not mean for real? it's all bluffs?" another hundred times, then they follow it up with "no, i do want this, i do, i just wanna make sure it's not too scary, or real"
and then caretaker gets into the rhythm, and whumpee is immediately captivated. all that nervous energy that should absolutely be there during play like this just vanishes almost without a trace. whumpee looks the calmest they've looked in a long while, and caretaker can barely believe that someone can be this calm watching them play with a knife and throw out threats
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Why I love Rojka 'Kasaan (and you should, too)
If Master Chief blew up a Covenant homeworld, you might look at him differently. You might consider civilian casualties and the cruel calculus of war and wince. His story helpfully side-steps this issue by making it so that it simply never happens. Humanity never found Covenant homeworlds during the war soon enough to target them. Until Glyke.
If we expect cooperation and remorse from ex-Covenant who destroyed human worlds, what do we expect from a Sangheili fleetmaster whose own world was destroyed by Spartans? That's Rojka's story.
Rojka was once a fleetmaster, but was demoted after the Changing of the Guard, sent to a shipyard to repair ships rather than command them. As a result, he was not present for the attack on Reach or the assault on Earth.
When Reach fell, Spartan-II Gray Team was granted permission to target and destroy Covenant homeworlds in what was clearly an act of retaliation. They were cleared to destroy the Sangheili colony Glyke before comms were lost with ONI. Unbeknownst to them, the human-Sangheili ceasefire was initiated just before they decided on destroying the planet, effectively betraying the fresh alliance between humans and Sangheili. Rojka, a Glyke native, lost most of his family.
During the Great Schism, Rojka sided with Thel 'Vadam and the Covenant separatists, taking control of the fleet that he'd been tasked with repairing. Rojka was realistic. Like so many, he faced a crisis of character when he lost his religion. He worried for his species' future and longed for direction. He understood that the Sangheili needed to be allies with the humans to survive. To this end, he learned to tolerate them. But not the Spartans that ruined his life.
Rojka isn't anyone special. He's no Thel 'Vadam, with wealth, influence, and his family behind him. He's no Usze 'Taham, with old-world faith and an impressive pedigree. He could probably be most closely compared to Olabisi Varo'dai, except that she lost her home at the hands of a Covenant accident and not a UNSC attack.
Rojka is a refugee. Anyone in his life who didn't happen to be off-world when the nukes detonated was dead. The fleet he used to have was down to a skeleton crew. But Thel 'Vadam still asked him to lead the refugees to a new world that they called Rakoi. They started to rebuild, with Rojka becoming the kaidon of Rak, the Sangheili capital (nerd sidebar for those who care: I believe he was more accurately the high kaidon). He grows to love his new home, with one complicating factor: unbeknownst to them, Rakoi was originally called Carrow, a human colony that evacuated during the war. When the dust settled, the humans returned to find their new neighbors.
There's irony somewhere in Thel asking Rojka to do something he would never ask of a human: to set aside his anger at losing his homeworld and work peacefully with the people who took it from him. It's something that Thel hopes for, but when humans continue to hate him, he doesn't blame them. But he expects more from Rojka, and Rojka, who is concerned about maintaining support from Sanghelios, is caught in the politics. He agrees to maintain peace with the humans, which leads to a civil conflict led by his own cousin, who disagrees with making peace.
As part of this agreement, he is introduced to the UNSC Diplomatic Corp envoy Melody Azikiwe. At first, he resents her presence, thinking of her as a meddler and someone whose skills were ultimately useless. He considers humans to be a necessary evil rather than allies. He does not believe diplomacy is truly possible, and thinks Melody weak for talking instead of fighting. But when a two-front war breaks out on Carrow and Melody awakens Gray Team to assist, his resolve is shaken. Over and over again, he's reminded of how much both humans and Sangheili have suffered.
Eventually the civil conflict escalates to a point where the entire planet is in danger, and he has no choice but to accept help from the Spartans. The decision to destroy Glyke without clear orders was a contentious one for the team, which broke them once they realized what they'd done. In their own way, they try to make amends with Rojka.
In the end, it's not ships or soldiers who overcome the conflict, but people. Regular people, talking their way out and through problems. Rojka begins to realize the importance of jobs like Melody's and that there are better ways to solve problems than separating heads from necks (although he does do that, too). Having decided to set aside his anger with Gray Team, he returns home to Rak to rebuild. When he gets there, he learns that another kaidon has risen to power in his absence, usurping his title. In what is, in my opinion, his greatest moment of growth, Rojka accepts the new power structure without argument.
I can't overstate how unusual this is. Few things are more important than power and pride in Sangheili culture. Many Sangheili prefer to die than admit to being injured. They prefer to be killed rather than captured. The most honorable way to replace a kaidon is a battle to the death. But Rojka is tired. He wants to go home. He agrees to be an envoy for Rak, having grown to appreciate the power of diplomacy.
Growth!!!!!! That's growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The ~poetry~ of Ashton, specifically, having. A potion of possibilities poured into their cracked brain, to give them a second chance.
Ashton, despite the rage- maybe because of the rage- has a very "it is what it is" kind of attitude. Ashton is angry, sure, of course he is! He's fucking furious. Shit sucks, people suck, situations suck, but at a certain point, what can you do, except roll with the punches?
Despite the rage, there's a baseline resigned acceptance of "shitty things that can't be changed" that underlies everything they do. Asking questions about logistics and less of "if" and "why". When interacting with people like Jiana Hexum, making deals with folks who might cut and run at a moment, taking people as they are (shitty) and appreciating them as what they are (still shitty, sometimes clever in it).
Thinking about the Nobodies leaving them behind and saying "Well, of course. I would too."
(Equal parts defense and healing, maybe. trying to accept things you cannot change, so you can move forward. so you can learn to grow around them. like a weed, growing through concrete. tough, battered, but alive.) (like grass)
Except.
Except maybe now it feels like Ashton is thinking. They can change some things. More than they thought. Pushing back, asking for more, trying for more. Asking Imogen to dive into his brain, seeking out answers, looking at the hopelessness of Laudna, down, and saying "No", saying "We do not leave anyone behind". Breaking fingers of things holding them.
And one of the first things they're learning from this effort? is that. there is more. in the hypothetical sense, but also, in a very, very literal sense.
A crystalline prism for a skull and an opal for a brain (both of which. when you look at them sideways. split plain light into rainbows. Depths shifting inside of flat surfaces.) and inside of all of that, grey matter rippling with potential.
There's more. There's whole worlds, chances and re-do's and magic possibilities and potential if they keep pushing. They gave him a second chance, already.
and they're still swirling, trapped, in the confines of his skull.
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