#its so fucking exhausing

[beelzzzebub]

god will the tics just ever TAKE A FUCKING BREAK

[gravestone-system]

fuck being socially acceptable im going to go outside and be violently autistic today

/j

[harrylovesspaezle]

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[naturesreject]

…

[confused-queer-talks]

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[dol-dee]

I mightve actually found a way to canoninize the avery collar/leash scene ive been drawing/writing about. All thanks to the absolute shitfest Dee had to wade through on that bloodmoon*. My not-girl's going through it and its opened the door for several things.

I finally got the Punching Sydney scene so I can actually see it as a "canon" event in Dee's file now. It also allowed me to rationalize Dee going to the pub and joining Whitney at his table (bc shed normally just ignore him and his friends) and it gives me a reason why she'd do something so risky as to collar and dom Avery. B) b

*worked the whole day at the spa, realized last second that its the 31st Jan, so its bloodmoon time.

Goes home changes and immediately leaves for the forest.

Has to go dive in freezing temperatures, risking hypothermia among several other things.

Dives under the ice, into the plinth room.

Finally gets the slime out of her ear but gets "attacked" by Tentacles.

Is able to fight them off (all while still underwater) and finally get back to the surface. climbs out of the water, gets attacked by the Wraith this time, who she SUCCESSFULLY fights off!!?

Freedom?

Don't be silly! A group of 6 Cult women strap her to some ritual table, once shes fully out of the water, in the freezing cold and gangrape her.

So at this point Dee's stressed out of her mind. Trauma steadily rising. Shivering, covered in cum that might freeze to her, with no clothes and her hands still bound.

She makes her way out of the forest but gets intercepted by EDEN who truly has a gift for showing up at the worst time.

She ALSO rapes her, until Dee is able to fight her off in the second struggle, when she wanted to tie her up even more. ALL while Dee's arms are still bound behind her back!!!

So Dee books it, passes some dude chopping wood in the forest (in the night??) whos thankfully gives her a towel (but doesnt undo her bindings for whatever reason) and makes it to town

Some dude of Remy's almost kidnaps her but she finally makes it back to the orphanage

gets rid of the rope and takes a bath after slowly warming up for a while..

and makes the mistake of falling asleep out of exhausion

Has another Dream/Flashback of the Wraith and has to fight it off in her Dream

Sleeps little, wakes up early and has a Breakdown in Robins Arms first thing in the Morning before school (It's a wednesday)

Avery comes in second place after Eden for "Person with terrible timing". by offering to drive them to school. Dee shoots her down quite a bit harsher than she usually would.

Its a regular school day Whitney only showed up once thankfully

Dee tries to hide in the Library to have another breakdown in peace but runs into Sydney

Dee snaps, resentment finally boiling over and she punches Sydney. She already regrets it.

She buys Sydney new glasses before fucking off

[stupid-dumb-autistic-idiot]

(tw dark shit. dont read if you're too sad for it pls)

au facts: hero mode 2 edition because i want one of those mugs/tshirts that says "i <3 ____" but it says i <3 marie angst

also i asked if you guys wanted to see this ina previous au fact post and it got a lot of notes so i assume thats a yes

edit: forgot to mention being an idol was fucking hell. theres a little more in an old post but not much bc i dont have much about it

-the way callie disappeared is she had a fucking mental break and left the apartment to cool off and never fucking came back

-also the squid sisters dynamic is way different but basically marie makes sure callie doesnt forget to eat and accidentally starve herself and callie makes sure marie doesnt have a panic attack upon experiencing a moderate emotion

-so marie is completely by herself with a lot of big feelings she doesnt understand or know what to do with so what does she do? ding ding ding!! shes just mad at everything now

-so now all 3 people she likes/tolerates have fucking vanished and shes completely isolated and nobody does fucking anything to help (yeah remember that from canon where nobody gave a shit?) so shes isolated for like months and is probably going insane

-agent 4 just kinda hung out at octo canyon bc he didnt realize it was a military base and then marie got there and was too exhaused to really do anything abt it

-marie was known as agent 2

-marie didnt really make him an agent he was just there and then after hero mode agent 3 was like "is that an agent 4" and 4 was like "ok cool"

-he didnt help until like 3 months in because he was like "oh holy shit this is not getting better i should probably provide some like human (inkling) contact so agent 2 doesnt khs"

-marie was too tired to tell him not to help so he just kind of awkwardly followed her until he figured out what to do

-she was just kinda vaguely mean to him because she was barely a person and incapable of much else

-you might be like "huh if marie had it this bad what happened to callie" and to that i say none of your business!! its my special lore that only i get to know. she was sad too tho dont you worry

-marie slept for like 4 days when callie got back lol

-callie could not put the shades back on even if she wanted to!!!! marie burned them

edit 2: i almost forgot the best part! marie stabbed octavio with a boxcutter until he stopped screaming

[squeezysreservoirofcookies]

to explain myself under the cut:

p3 would probably cook those horrid tiktok/generally bad (or socially unacceptable) recipes with the expectation that it'll be good. there's like a 50-50 chance the food'll be actually good or it'll be the worst thing your eyes and tastebuds have experienced

oh sir dude on the other hand would literally be like that trope of a child making a heinous concoction of a """meal""" for their parents as a well-meaning surprise. he'd straight up be like "honey i made dinner just for you 😍" and it's borderline poisonous semi-radioactive material schlop

p1 probably already has a decent amount of canned food/mres/frozen pre-prepared food at the ready, as i imagine having extreme paranoia would make you not wanna get take-out often. plus i imagine that while he could cook, he just chooses not to since it can be kinda draining sometimes (take it from me, someone who occassionally likes to cook every once in a while). that and actually intrusive thoughts could get concerning for him. On a good mental health day though, he'd be at 'can cook the basics' tier

i dont think nottem gives that much of a shit enough to put in any amount of effort to ever cook himself anything decent, let alone a basic dish. I feel like MAYBE the one time he would cook something is if uh idk he's on a date?????? but even then thats questionable dsfhhsddsfh

I know corkscrew isnt technically canon but THIS IS MY POST, I MAKE THE RULES HDSFHD but i feel like corkscrew would be too impatient to cook anything decent, or he's like drunk 80% of the time, which would make cooking a little risky. also i imagine him cooking would be like that one meme video of a lady going "now add 2oz of vodka" then proceeds to pour half the bottle in like its nothing dsfhds

P2 and P4 both would only cook those easy to make, simple recipes that dont require much ingredients or preparation but for entirely different reasons. P2 is mainly bc i can see him just being too exhaused and stressed after a day out in paradise, so why add more to that? thats even if hes hungry considering the fact he ate like all the towns pizza and donuts hsdfhdjs. with p4 on the other hand he's just enjoying the simple stress free life, so why be so snooty and pretentious, especially over something he'll inhale anyway?

Recidivist and Widowmaker, based on their loose descriptions, I feel probably wouldn't have much motivation or generally aren't very hoity toity. they just want to make their dinner and so be it if it's simple, life is already difficult to them as it is. heck theyd probably just order take out or some shit. post-nottem's rein of terror, they largely wouldn't really care about cooking anyway so bare minimum it is.

Movie Dude is literally the one postal dude regional varient that actually has some sembalance of his shit together, so i imagine that in an ideal situation, he could probably cook you up a nice homemade meal. it's not gonna be food network-type worthy, but man you WILL like it

Psychocop, esp. pre-nottem's supermassive scp k-class senario, probably seemed like the kind of guy that had his dookie together and enjoyed making himself a nice dinner anytime he could make something. post-nottem's 360 noscope against humanity attempt, i can definately see him making his comrades something thats actually fucking good bc he got tired of seeing them make shitty basic ass food by themselves that wont help them out in the long run during their own rein of terror

Redux would still have the same-ish issues that P1 has, but i feel like redux would try to improve himself and try to overcome them anyway since he just wants to live a happy life just like everyone else. because of that, i imagine he'd like take cooking almost very seriously, wanting to take time (if he can) to make himself a good ass meal as a form of self-care. it would be so much so that if he ever had to be ur roommate, you'll have the bestest fuckin homemade food in ur whole damn life when he does feel like cooking. like literally lifechanging in a way. obviously he wouldnt use stupid boujie ingredients or dumb shit like that but my god you will FEEL boujie just eating it. he'd obviously have his off-days where he'd get take-out or go for pre-made but homemade makes him feel a bit better

[orgrimmar-archive]

so so damn close to getting a job but of course i have to go through the fucking nightmare (boyfriend's parents being ableist) to even go to an interview. every single action of mine is being questioned - i have my fucking reasoning for them as well - but it's never good enough. isn't it enough for them that they make me crawl on the floor instead of allowing me to use my fucking mobility aid like i need to be? i walk at night to keep up appearances for my partner but its slowly fucking killing me. what am i supposed to do ? im doing what they want me to so they don't kick me out and now suddenly it's not /exactly/ how they imagined it. i give up. i really am just so fucking through with living here. but i have no alternative, because of course, their dumb little comment about how "nobody cares about you" is true. no people in power do. but normal fucking well-adjusted people are fine with me. sure theyre a little awkward but they care enough to want to help at least. im so fucking exhaused. anyway.

[lildiarys]

5/1 oh my god im so fucking depressed right now idk what to do.

i have no motivation to do anything, after school extracurriculars are getting so fucking annoying, and i am one of the leaders of an extracurricular, im so tired and exhaused and i hate it

im so fucking tired, i cant do my homework without feeling like i wanna die after every little mistake. i wanna cry and call my friends but all of my friends are less of the actual "knowing the real me" type. and i struggle sm with that. i want a friend who i can vent to, and even tho my friends are like "you can vent to me anytime u need" they are liars. if i told u the truth, you would be scared. you wouldn't like me anymore.

and my crush. cherry is such a bitch and i just feel so depressed trying to make him like me. and it hurts because i want to stop liking him, and some of my friends are like "ur delulu" "you should stop liking him" "hes a bad person" LIKE I KNOW. IM TRYING MY HARDEST, IM SORRY. IM TRYING. and its to the point sometimes i wanna cry, but i just laugh along w/ them.

its hard because i also feel like shit. allergiest suck man, and i wanna die bc of them.

also i wanna cry bc i can't give my friend their gift until its a week after bc of the weird firing schedule. i made them something out of clay, and my art teacher won't fire it bc its "not time yet". bitch wtf?

also, i feel like i really want to be friends w/ this one person, but they always brush me off and seem like they always are brutally honest w/ me. ALWAYS. "ok...and?" "ok..." "mhm..." idk i just feel like they are almost never listening to me anyways.

also, today, i wanted to cry because i miss my old friends. we got into a huge shitty argument where they were the ones in the wrong. like actually. no shit. i did bad things, but only after. to try to get back at them. and i miss them. there was one person who i was super close w/ like my sister atp. but she sided w/ the person i was pissed at bc she waas in the arguement. and it hurts. i miss her so much, and i loved being her friend, even if she didnt fully understand.

and myother friend (younger than me) is in the fucking psych ward? they told their parents they had suicidal thoughts and their parents sent them to the psych ward, then the left. then they got picked up during school and sent back, like wtf.

im sorry

[qhostqizmo]

personal

i try so hard to hold on to christmas spirit every year and ride some false high and every year its. not. it's not there.

i can't bring back the childhood memory of laying on the skirt of the christmas tree, staring up at our decorated pine, the smell of sap, the soft bulb mutli-color lights. the house dark; decorations everywhere, the faint sound of the tv in the background.

it's like the only positive memory i can recall. other than getting a gameboy and pkmn yellow the year of its release. only vaguely otherwise recall going to my grandmother's or my aunts, but nothing concrete. no details.

christmas time is literally the /worst/ time of the year for me and i'm so exhausted. i cook, i clean, i do everything to make christmas the best i can for everyone else- baking and buying gifts and decor and helping to put things up and going on and on. i'm tired. i'm working myself to the bone and constantly stuffing new things in that trauma box in the back of my head.

grandmother passed away christmas eve 10 years ago

not having presents under the tree for years and feeling like i'm worthless compared to everyone else (i understand it's not the meaning of christmas but try telling anyone it doesn't hurt to see adults and kids getting to unwrap surprises and you're just There, handing them all out). (oh and now you're an adult ADDICTED to the concept of surprise gifts becuz you have repressed feelings about 'person who got me smth cuz they like me and saw this and thought of me').

being burnt out and told by your family you're being mean and grinchy and cause all the fights and dramas on the holiday when you just want some peace or not to be asked to do something every 5 seconds. literally. called to cook or pick up or help with something or mocked for being the family blacksheep who gets overstimulated and needs a min or won't allow hugs or won't drink-- just leave me alone just let me be for a moment, please. i'm so tired of always doing everythign for the holidays i never got to be the one that sat down ever since i was fucking 7-8ish i've always been the second matriarch i didn't want to be i'm SICK of it. i'm SICK of having had to pick up my parents slack and be a second parent without realizing it god it's so goddamn exhausing and i don't really dwell on it until the holidays roll around just how long and how much i've had to do to make the holidays what they've been all my life for eeryone else.

this is my first year without my orion

last christmas is when i noticed something was very wrong with him

it fucking klls me how much i miss him. i'm devastated. i hate everyone talking about getting a new pet in this house i just want my boy back i'm so exhausted. my soulmate, my sweet boy, my goofy moose my protector my friend my smelly man. he meant the world to me. and no one fucking gets it.

it feels like there's this constant wall between me and happiness all the time and it's so much more pronounced in winter / especially dec through february. i hate carrying my burdens. i hate having to smile through and push through for something that hurts so much. this time of year is draining and filled with heartache for me. and it aint' even over becuz come my birthday i once again have to deal with the 'day that something bad alwys happens' and be mocked for being old but unaccomplished for my age according to normal people stands.

but i don't know any other way than to ball up my feelings and swallow them with the exception of like middle-of-the-night-diary-shitposting-all-over-the-internet. just throwing up my baggage. hoping the universe hears e i suppose. hoping somehow that yelling into the void can soothe the aches i carry deep down.

i want to hold my dog. i miss my boy so much. i hate pretending. i hate christmas. i hate that it will never have the innocent spark it had in childhood ever again, and will always be a muddled mix of misery and loss and grief and the struggle of adulthood and mockery.

i just want it all to be over.

i don't want to hold up a fake smile anymore or hold up traditions for anyone else i just want to be alone with my sadness and a blnanket. i 'mt not worth much more than finished housework anyway.

[tenshindon]

It all started when Bulma just wanted to give Tien some new clothes. But amidst his attempt to find a place to stash the new outfits, he stumbles upon an old outfit in the depths of Master Roshi's closet.

Krillin seems to want as little to do with it as possible, but Yamcha shows mild interest in the garment.

[ankerias]

genuinely think i am just too stupid to ever make good art

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[olliveen]

i think i get it. I understand now. i see what shakespeare really is all about

[nauticalfools]

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