lilithbite

[aciddrattboyy]

angel tango

youre a beautiful harp player and kiri's just a hero who was graced with your presence the end

kirishima x f!reader ☆ fluff, smut(kinda) ☆ wc: 2.5k cw: erm dry humping, public kinda(in a closet) making out for literally like 2 seconds i think a/n: another reupload sigh, im posting this one again bc i didnt even have mha like on my list of fandoms id write for so this is reopening a door i suppose

☆

“wheres bakugo,” 

“getting hassled by reporters,” kirishima laughed at denkis answer, eyes searching the crowded ballroom for his friend. and there he was, looking rather uncomfortable and stiff in his three piece suit while reporters gathered around him. 

“we should go save him,” kirishima said lightly, still laughing at the sight. 

“nah man it’ll be our turn soon enough everyones gotta do it,” kirishima turned his eyes back to denki who was now snatching cocktails off of the plates waitresses were walking around with. kirishima gave him a look before politely declining a waiter handing him a glass. “i dont see why youre so against having fun,” denki rolled his eyes before taking a sip from his drink. 

kirishima ignored him, instead opting to look over the room again. it was dimly lit, yellow light from lamps and candles shining a soft illumination over the room. his eyes seemed to snag on the stage. it was a modest size, though not as big as one you would see in a theater. it was empty now, the soft spotlights shining light on nothing. he knew there would be people up there soon enough, including himself. but he was told that there would be a performance before any of the speeches took place. and now, he found himself curious as to what the performance would be. he tapped denkis shoulder with the back of his hand, his eyes still transfixed on the stage.

“do you know whos performing tonight?” kirishima turned his head slightly to hear denki better.

“no not really, why?” denki looked at the stage briefly before looking back at kirishima. he just shrugged his shoulders, also not entirely sure why he needed to know now. he said a brief goodbye to denki before heading deeper into the room, looking for someone who would hopefully be able to tell him who was going to be on that stage. 

he really didnt need to know. but he was bored and tired of standing around doing nothing. so this was sort of a way to keep himself occupied for at least a little while. 

kirishima was able to find sero, chatting and laughing with mina as they both held glasses in their hands. he smiled, walking through crowds of people to reach them. but before he could even say hello, the ballroom fell silent as the curtains on the stage opened slowly. 

his breath hitched as he stood next to sero and mina, no longer making an effort to acknowledge them as he saw you walk out. 

from head to toe, you just looked enchanting. sparkling gems decorated your hair and jewels adorned your neck, wrists, and fingers. a black velvet dress fit tightly to your torso and cascaded down your hips, skimming the wooden floors below you. 

you looked ethereal as the lights from above shined down on you, the other people behind you seemed to drown in your shadow. you gave the audience a smile, before politely bowing your head as the host for this hero gala joined the stage. 

“thank you all for joining us this evening, as you know all proceedings from this event will be going to the trauma and destruction charities you all chose…” 

kirishima wasnt really listening to anything that man was saying, his eyes completely transfixed on you as you stood to the side of the hero talking. kirishima could tell you werent nervous, your demeanor was relaxed as you positioned your harp without making a sound and nodded at the speakers words. 

“to thank you all for coming, we have asked Ms. Y/n to perform for us this evening,”

kirishima was snatched from his haze when mina excitedly grabbed at the sleeve of his tuxedo. 

“oh my god thats her ?!” kirishima looked at mina bewildered as he shook his arm eagerly.

“huh? who? who is she?” kirishima asked, his gaze alternating between you and the enthusiastic hero next to him. 

“how have you not heard of her?! shes a famous harpist known for only playing at high-end events !!” 

“i heard she doesnt have a quirk either,” sero chimed in, taking another swig of his cocktail before turning his attention back to the stage. kirishima did the same, now drowning out mina as she tried to pry more information out of sero. 

it was like time stopped for a moment as you thanked the hero and took the microphone from the man as he walked off the stage. you cleared your throat away from the mic, wordlessly thanking a host for positioning a chair next to your harp before turning your attention back to the audience. 

“i know it has already been said,” your voice sounded like heaven. kirishima could swear up and down that he was witnessing an angel talk to all of the mere mortals gathered in this room. “but thank you all for coming. the trauma and destruction charities dedicate time and money to help victims of villain attacks and victims who were caught in the cross fire. when the night gets closer to the end i will be auctioning off my harp and all of the money made will also be going to these charities,” you truly were an angel. kirishima seemed to realize how famous you really were when he saw how riled up the crowd had gotten at the mere idea of being able to own something that was once yours. 

you bowed to croud once more before elegantly sitting down on the wooden chair and adjusting the mic so it was right in front of your mouth as you got in position to play. 

the first pluck of a string was enough to silence any of the lingering conversations. the audience was completely transfixed and kirishima was utterly hypnotized. he didnt even register when denki eventually made his way to the trio, multiple glasses in his hand as he passed them out to sero and mina. 

you looked so refined, back straight and head angled. you looked like you were meant to be on that stage. your fingers danced over the strings as you sang. it sounded like you were singing words into existence, like you were creating a language all over again. 

without much information, kirishima could tell you were singing an original song. something heartfelt and full of truths of your past and the skeletons that you held in your closet. your eyes were shut with focus as you played beautiful and sang impressively. 

swiping a quick finger under his eye, kirishima realized he was starting to cry because of the sheer beauty that was you. 

“woah are you crying?” denki spoke in an amused hushed whisper, snagging minas arm to get her attention on the red head crying next to them. kirishima only shook his head, ignoring it almost entirely as he continued to watch. he didnt even want to blink, afraid to miss even a nanosecond of your presence. 

when the performance eventually came to an end, kirishima knew he was clapping the loudest, eyes staying on you as he hoped for even a second that you would look his way. 

unfortunately for him, you did not look at him, instead looking at the audience as a whole as you stood up and bowed, grabbing the microphone once more. 

“i hope the performance was enjoyable for you all, have a blessed night and stay for the auctioning if your interested, thank you!!” kirishima watched as you passed the microphone off to the spokesperson he didnt even notice walk up on stage. you backed into the shadows, grabbing your harp and moving it behind stage with the help of a hostess. he watched as you smiled and conversed with others as you disappeared behind the curtain. 

kirishima was never one to stay at these things to the very end. but now he had to. he had to see you once more. he grew frustrated when he remembered that he would have to go over and give the same boring speech he gave at all of these events. a task he would normally do with passion seemed stupid and a waste of time. everything seemed to be like a waste of time when seeing you one last time was on his mind. 

suddenly, he got an idea. brushing his friends off, he walked towards the door to behind the stage. he knew any random person wouldnt be allowed back there, especially at an event like this. but he had a semi good excuse. 

“im red riot, ill be giving a speech soon and id like to prepare behind stage,” the amount of confidence in his tone was enough for the poor host to quickly open the door for him, keeping their eyes averted as the determined man walked through the door. 

the cool air of the smaller room was more than a relief as kirishima begun to look around. there were people constantly walking around, giving orders and moving boxes. kirishima didnt even know where to start looking for you. taking one step deeper inside, he was able to pick up your voice once more. 

“no- honestly it wasnt that bad, its just very hot up there with all the lights y’know?” you were sat cross legged on a small stool, conversing with your hair stylist as they took out the gems and placed them in a dish. 

kirishima wasnt sure how to approach, not wanting your first meeting to end with you thinking he was just a weirdo who followed you back here. even though, he kind of was acting weird. kirishima could admit that he had never done anything like this before, not once feeling such an urge to talk to someone. for a split second kirishima thought about leaving, just walk out that door and pray that he would be able to see you at the auction. 

“oh kirishima! youre early, come on lets get you ready!” before he could even register what was happening, a makeup stylist was dragging his farther into the room by his sleeve and sitting him down on another stool. “ill get you a drink!” the stylist left without another word, running off to who knows where. 

but now that kirishima wasnt completely off guard, he realized he was sitting less than ten feet away from you. you looked over at him and gave him a soft smile before turning back to the mirror.

“i saw you play,” kirishima started speaking before he really even thought about what to say but he couldnt seem to stop. “it was incredible- you were incredible,” he saw your eyes widen slightly, the smile on your face growing.

“thank you so much, im glad you liked it!” you were cheerful now. you knew your playing was good, there was no doubt about that. but it wasnt everyday a well known hero was personally complimenting your work. kirishima was practically buzzing at this point. you were even more beautiful this close up. he smiles at you, his hands fidgeting in his lap. 

“i really did… so do-do you have any other plans for the night…?” kirishima internally cringed at his own question. he felt like he sounded like a desperate weirdo. but all insecurities seemed to be washed away when you laughed softly. with your hairdresser long gone at this point, you turned on your stool to face him. 

“hmm no not really- i mean other than the auction not really, ill probably just hang around the ballroom before then,” your smile never left your face as you looked at the fidgeting man across from you. it was easy to tell he was nervous and you found it cute. 

“oh i see… um do you maybe want to uh- accompany me?” kirishima could hear his heart beating erratically under his button down shirt, fidgeting with his fingers as he felt his hands grow clammy. 

“id love to, but dont you have a speech to give?”

“oh yea but thats not till later- wait,” kirishimas eyes widened at your question when he finally registered it. “how do you know that?” you shrugged your shoulders. it seemed like now it was your turn to feel awkward.

“oh i just was looking at the itinerary before i went on stage and saw that you were on there,” your face grew hot as you could feel kirishimas gaze on you. 

“you know who i am?!” the tone of kirishimas voice made it seem like he was genuinely shocked that someone like you would know about lil ol’ him. 

“of course i know, youre one of the most highly reputed pro heroes of this generation,” you were stumbling over your words now, which was probably more embarrassing for you than him. before you could apologize, kirishima gave you a wide smile. it seemed like some of the worry he held was let go. 

“thats kind of a relief i suppose, better than you thinking im so nobody weirdo- now you can think of me as a pro hero weirdo,” kirishima joked, laughing with you. he noticed the way you brought your hand up to cover your mouth as you chuckled, cheeks growing hot. 

“i dont think youre weird, i think youre cute,” 

it went silent for what felt like more than a couple minutes as the two of you stare at each other. a thousand words seem to have been spoken between you two in a matter of seconds. 

kirishima didnt know how he got here, pressing you against the wall of some grimey storage closet out of the way of the ballroom or any of the guest or faculty there. his lips were moving desperately against yours as he hiked your dress up and draped your thigh over his hip. 

his hands were holding your waist firmly as he pressed against you, his tongue battling with yours as you rocked against him. shallow pants left his lips as your hands held onto his shoulders tightly, neck craning to the side when kirishima moved to leave wet kisses along your neck and collarbone. 

it was stuffy in the small space, but neither of you cared as kirishima began to buck his hips into you. a soft whine left your lips when kirishima lightly nipped at the skin of your neck, rubbing himself against you at a slow pace. 

the leg you were standing on began to shake softly at the continued onslaught of pleasure. you smashed your lips against his once more, earning a groan from kirishima as you bit his lower lip gently. 

“our next speaker is kirishima eijiro also known as the famous red riot!” 

the cheers from the crowd made both of you still for a minute before kirishima slowly pulled away from you, a sly smile on his face as he tried to calm his breathing. you looked at the state he was in through the low light and giggled lightly. 

“you look a mess,” you breathed out, chest rising and falling at a now slowing pace. kirishima chuckled, placing one last kiss on your lips before peaking his head out of the door. 

“i’ll find you after?” he asked, a look of longing in his eyes. you took his hand in yours, squeezing it softly. 

“you wont have to,”

i hope you enjoyed !! reblogs/comments are very appreciated <3

[soobibabe]

tubatu world domination

6 members - 6 active

soobin: do you guys ever think about beomgyu: no

soobin: damn can i FINISH my STATEMENT

you: to be fair you were typing like a snail i saw it with my own eyes

kai: i think what you were thinking soobin

soobin: thanks kai

yeonjun: wym 'saw it with my own eyes' ??? YOURE WITH HIM@:@::#*# PKSIMABOUT TOTHROW UP

you: i told you guys i was gonna go to the mall today ?

beomgyu: guys man or bear hehehhhhehehhhheeh>.<<<<<

taehyun: y/n reply to my dm pls.

yeonjun: WHENE DID YIU TELL US YOU WERE GOING TO THE MALLLLWHY DOES SOOBIN GET TO GO EITH YOU

soobin: because im just cunty like that. lolz

you: @gyu ummm probably bear

beomgyu: HEHHEEHHEH you want me so bad

kai: what kind of bear

taehyun: y/n?

you: guys isnt that so weird!!! a blank chat keeps popping up!!!???

soobin: your phones probably broken

brokxn like me... 🥀

yeonjun: i could take a bear

beomgyu: no thx peace and love but FOK no

kai: why isnt anyone questioning this odd taehyun behavior

you: who behavior?? never heard of it sry

yeonjun: taehyun like taehyun your bandmate... early dementia signs i fear now ditch soobin lets go get you checked up ^.^ beomgyu: shes upset because tyun said he was too busy to go out with her today

soobin:

taehyun: i really was busy. pdnim called me in for a meeting about the next Academy Reincarnation season.

you: k

soobin: me personally if i got hit with a k by txts silliest member i would kms lowk

beomgyu: NAWWWW ME TOOO

yeonjun: i'd get hard idk

kai: can we put him on a speaking ban again

yeonjun: PLSEASEESESESE NOOOOOO I'KK STOP PLS LAST TIME WAS HORRRRIBLE

beomgyu: why hasnt soobin gotten one yet hes always talking anf talking anf talking and talking AND HES A NERD LIKE DAMN!!!!!!!!!! PICK A STUGGLE!!!!!!!!!!

soobin: yk youre so nice to me when were alone...

yeonjun: 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂

kai: 👀

taehyun: y/n reply to me me and i'll buy you whatever you want from prada

you: im their ambassador you twat

taehyun: right, yes sorry i forgot how about i bring you flowers and [your favourite food] to the dorm later?

you: deal

kai: HEY WTF ITS THST EASY? the last time you were mad at me you didnt talk to me for a whole SIX HOURS EVEN AFTER I APOLOGISED ON MY KNEES

beomgyu: guys if you weren't already an idol under bighit which bts member would you date

you: all 7

taehyun: jungkook

soobin: jin no wait hobi lowkey he's a cutie

beomgyu: you have to choose ONE y/n

yeonjun: jimin or tae kook is cool but i probably wouldn't be able to handle his fans

you: no ur so right actually i could not handle dating another idol LMFAOO

soobin: ???? wdym i spoke with ur mum already she gave me her blessings we can date :3 even as idols heheheheh you: she did not

soobin: did tooooooo

you: nuh uh when did you even meet her

taehyun: he's lying i was there

yeonjun: hahaha liar liar pants on fire

you: when the hell did you guys meet my mom

kai: well SOMEONE left us on a cliffhanger last week and didn't tell us who she was dating so we did the next best thing...

you: SAYYYT YOURE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW OMG IS THAT WHY MY MOTHER HAS BEEN SPAMMING MY PHONE ABOUT "COMING HOME FOR KIMCHI" ? CAUSE SHE KNOWS I DONT EVEN FW KIMCHI LIKE THAT

yeonjun:yea!!!!!!! tell them queen!!!!!!! why did you guys not invite me. fake fucks.

you: WHAT DID SHE EVEN SAY

soobin: something about how she thought you were a lesbian so she doesn't even know what we're talking about

you: well shes not half wrong

taehyun: anywho she did NOT give ANY blessings to anyone however she did say that you were getting older and needed to get more serious about future planning cause all you put your effort into is work

soobin: that was basically her speaking in maternal code for "hey you can marry my daughter once contracts are terminated" trust me id know

kai: maternal code?

soobin: yep im an expert

beomgyu: what the fuck does that even mean

soobin:

taehyun: sometimes i wonder about the state of your mental wellbeing soobin: you just need to match my 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 you wouldn't get it. yeonjun: taehyun gets our freak soobin 💯 he's the one who suggested recording the killa with our shirts off.. fucking freak

you: i suggested that actually :3 but tyun suggested the lights off for tinnitus

yeonjun: Y/N MY PRETTY PRINCESS QUEEN DARLING DEAR I DIDNT MEAN IT I SWEAR THAT WAS THE BESSSSSST SUGGESTION EVER THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT IM SORRY

beomgyu: you make me sick beomgyu left tubatu world domination kai: never a moment of peace in this household…

A/N: this has been marinating in my drafts and i HATE it but i need to get rid of it 🤔🤔🙏🏼💯🔥 pls accept this scrap cause i may be a little burnt out 😭😭🤣🤣😜👊

[st4rgzer]

CAN YOU DO STILL THINK ABOUT YOU BY A BOOGIE WITH A HOODIE AND MAKE IT LIKE ANGSTY ND SHI ( chris pls🙏🏽🙏🏽 ) .

still think about you (chris sturniolo)

summary: when enough is enough, you act and confront chris

genre: just angst

cw!: swearing, cheating, kissing

a/n: i tried to do this the best i could since i didnt really know the song, i went with a different path (slightly) but i hope you like it<3

“i love you”

“…”

who knew a relationship of 6 months could be over over nothing, literally nothing. a silence. a silence that i anticipated, but nonetheless hurt just like the last time i tried saying it. from the look on chris’s face, he knew he fucked up, again.

“chris?” my voice was brittle, easily able to break any second now. my bottom lip trembled as he looked away, a guilty expression being hidden from me.

“baby you know how i feel-“ i cut him off. “do i?”

almost every ounce of respect i had for him shriveled away right then and there.

“do i know how you feel, if you can’t even fucking say ‘i love you’ to my face?” i tried to keep a firm voice despite the tears the pricked my eyes, desperate to come out.

i laughed, throwing my hands up in the air, in disbelief at the stupidity of the situation, and at chris’s inability to say a word.

“i don’t know what to say.”

“y’know what my mom told me, told me to watch who i fuck with and never trust a guy like you for shit.”

my words were petty and dripped with venom, tears falling over my cheeks. chris could only watch in pity.

“my friends warned me, fuck it, everyone warned me about you and about how much of a shit fucking person you are. but i didn’t believe them, and now i know. i feel fucking stupid, but i know i should’ve known better. instead of trusting any fucking bitch that slides into my dm’s. sure you might be rich ‘nd famous, but you’re no different than any rat i could find on the street.”

i spoke loudly, harshly. meaning every word that spewed from my mouth. my hand came up to my face to wipe the tears that had previously fallen. chris sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, keeping his head down, he knew i had a right to be this mad. making me wait and wait till he was ‘ready’ to step forward with the relationship.

seeing as he was going to do next to nothing to keep me from going, i grabbed my purse and stomped across his living room, opened the door, and slammed it shut.

it was bittersweet, sitting in my car in his driveway, secretly waiting for him to run after me. but nothing happened, no one ran after me. so i kept some of my self respect and drove off, leaving behind who i thought was going to be the ‘love of my life’.

but mundane moments don’t feel the same with his hands wrapped around my waist, head leaned on the crook of my neck. his scent had washed off from all my clothes after a few weeks. no messages from him came, and i don’t think he ever intended to send one anyway. the worst thing is i still check, i still care. so it made sense for me to grab the phone when a post notification of his instagram page went off. one that made my stomach drop, my throat dry, and my knuckles white as i gripped the device in my hands. was this how it felt to have a knife in your back? i thought. have it twisted around and stuck again and again ferociously? because that’s how it felt.

does he remember how he’d been so afraid of posting me to the world that he’d keep me secret until he knew that i was really comfortable? that he’d whisper “id rather keep you to myself just a little longer” as we talked about our future under the boston night sky. how he’d promise me that i was worth every penny and every minute. did he just forget everything?

i turned the phone off, and stared at a small spot on the wall, trying to think about anything else but the photo i had just seen. a girl, holding chris’s cheek. kissing it. chris was smiling, an ice cream cone in his hand. that was not his favorite flavor. surely he had done this out of spite, right? surely the caption that read “i love you, thanks for the ice cream” had been to hurt me, annoy me. was it the fact that is was me that he couldn’t say ‘i love you” to? cause it seems like that comes easy for him to say with everyone else.

my mind spiraled as the familiar feeling of tears brimming my eyes started to form. my throat burned and my hand formed into fists to try and stop them from shaking. any hope of returning to where i’d once called home, was lost. i still think about him, that’s the worst part.

“i have to tell you something”

GRACE TALKS: guys i dont even remember my taglist help remind me if u wanna be tagged🙏

[nattyluvs]

PINK ROSES - chapter 18

"hey, look they have a photo of chris up there" yeji said to jeongin, pointing to the framed photo on the wall. yn turned to them, slapping yeji's hand.

"hey, stop holding hands if ur gonna walk next to me, i look like a loner." yn commented.

"listen, if u grow a pair and make a move on little lixie back there, u might be able to lock fingers with him" yeji scoffed, nudging her head in the direction of felix behind them.

"but-"

"no buts! just go talk to him..hes probably waiting for you"

"yeah no buts" jeongin spoke in a mocking tone

"whatever! ill be right back then..." yn mentioned, slowing down her walking speed to catch up with felix and jisung behind her.

minho, jisung, and felix were all walking together, felix seemingly not interested in whatever bickering argument they were having. yn gave felix a little wave while walking towards him, felix returning the favor.

"hey, i thought id walk with you since you dont seem interested in whatever they're talking about"

"trust me, im not. they argue everyday and then somehow make up? im not sure how they function doing anything together," he pointed out

they walked next to eachother for a bit, in comfortable silence. looking at the several concession, merch, and other items' stands. they walked like this for a bit until the silence was interrupted.

"you know, i want to try dancing one day, just as a hobby"

"why the sudden interest?" felix asked

"cause, ive seen how passionate hyunjin seems to be about it, same with you. you both seem to have this aspiration to keep doing it, im interested."

"especially hyunjin, i mean, he has danced since he was like in primary school competitively for 5 years."

"why did he stop competing?"

"well i remember he was around 15, he stopped competing because he didnt like the atmosphere of dance competitions. he just felt that going up against other people wasnt his thing." yn explained, voice shaken for a split second due to felix's hand brushing against hers for a moment.

"hmm, that makes sense. personally i think dancing isnt the kind of sport that should be competed, but judt enjoying the art of it."

"yeah, i get where ur coming from." yn answered, "hey im about to tell u something but you cannot tell hyunjin i told you, got it?"

felix nodded, "okay so basically the year felix stopped competing for dance, my soccer coach scouted him for that season and we were on the same team for awhile." yn recalled.

"why the hell would he not want people to know about that? thats kinda silly to be embarassed about"

"cause he's embarrassed about it, and he quit halfway through the season at the same time i did, and continued with dancing."

"im missing something here," felix spoke, their hands brushing once again.

"if u dont mind me asking, why did you quit? there had to be a reason right?" he questioned

"well first of all i was on a competitive team, i had worked really hard to get there then i got injured halfway through the season." she muttered

"if you dont want to talk about it we dont have to, you know. this seems like a sensitive topic for you"

"no its fine, its just i loved doing it so much, and one thing just tore it all apart, i cried alot about it. i still do sometimes"

"the really only way i can get involved now is coaching, and i dont know if i-" her voice starting to stutter, feeling the tears well up.

"hey, we dont have to talk about it anymore, i dont wanna see u crying." he pulled her into a hug, rubbing circles on her back for a moment.

"hey! you two can stop being lovey over there, we found the elevator!" they heard jisung shout.

felix rolled his eyes before letting go, handing her a cloth to wipe the tears threatening to fall down her face

"you know, you and hyunjin act like you hate eachother, but when u both are seriously talking about one another, u both sound very fond."

"shut up, i hate him, hes annoying" yn lightly punched him on the arm, while he pretends thats the hardest anyone has ever hit him.

"why do you keep touching my hand with yours, do you want to hold it or something?" yn asked

"and if i do?"

"i wont object" they successfully locked fingers with eachother while waiting for the elevator.

"your hands are really small you know" she mentioned

felix whined a bit, too embarrassed to say anything.

they walked into the elevator along with everyone else, going down a few floors until reaching the right one. they walked over to their seats while felix and yn unfortunately had to break their handholding.

"we have to put our bags in the locker room, but we'll be right back okay? dont jump onto the court while we're gone" minhos voice was heard from behind her

----

they sat there for around an hour, chatting about who-knows what. after first quarter, the group left to prepare for their performance. this left yn and yeji to sit by themselves

"sooo i saw u making moves back there huh!" she teased, nudging her arm.

"stop! it's embarrassing ill tell you about it later."

"hey whatsup!" they heard a familiar, annoying voice coming from up the stairs.

yn and yeji both turned their heads to see beomgyu, eyes and mouth wide open in suprise, not expecting to see him there.

"why are you even get here? where are your parents..." yeji asked, jokingly annoyed

"i literally have a liscense, and im on a date for your information!"

they both gasped, yn proceeding to speak "wait are you with..."

"if youre thinking what im thinking then yes" beomgyu gave them a cheesy grin

"then what the hell are you doing down here? go back to your date, dont leave him hanging you know" yeji scolded

they exchanged some more small conversation before beomgyu left and it was just the two of them.

--

after around an hour had passed it was finally halftime, they both waited in their seats impatiently for the announcer to call them out

the performance started shortly, taking turns on the big screen up above. they performed to 3 songs, stage outfits matching each of them perfectly.

as soon as it was over, yna nd yeji rushed over to the break room from their seats. they stopped to buy some flowers along the way.

once arrived in the break room, they parted ways while yn went to search for felix, finally spotting him at the back of the room, minifan blowing at his face.

"hey you did really good, you know? im glad you got over your nerve, that performance was fire"

"im glad you liked it becuse im sooo tired" he slurred, forcing her to return his hug.

they pulled away from their hug as she started to whisper in his ear, "hey dont tell hyunjin but, i was really only here to see you"

yn giggled to herself before happily walking out the room, leaving felix baffled at the confession she just dropped

"what the f-"

"felix, man!" a sudden sighting of jisung came up, "whats going on! why. are. you. still. in here. lets go? we have a reservation to catch.." jisung dragged felix and his bag out of the room

previous masterlist next

a/n: i am so wmbarssed actuslly at this, unfortunately there probably isnt gonna be any more than like 10 chapters after this one..im so sad i dont want it to be over

taglist open (send a note or click here to be added)

@https-skzology @yongboksfavorite @gwyu0 @skogane @nikisbf @choiakko-3 @llavenderlilacc @starsfly01091711 @jeanbob @neoculturewhat @str4awb3rrym1lkl0v3r @sleeplessmin @beautifulixr @rocking-pebble @encaphy @thatlonelyalto @marcillfll @arizzu @lixieswife @vivioluh @tyigerz @staurdvst @iadorethemskz @angelzforu @lulumallow @milfza-is-hot @yachi-lover3 @minhoesss @hvrtsforlino @iluvhuddy @myknifeyourlife @felixvsp @amara-mars

[maskedteaser]

hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

[polyamorouspunk]

hii taking you up on your advice offer 😭 ur poly so maybe u have more experience with this than me, how would i break up with my longterm partner?

we’ve been dating for 2 years, it really has seemed perfect but lately idk its just felt wrong. we’ve kinda planned our lives around eachother and moving in together once we graduate, but i cant make myself want to kiss them or be romantic anymore, i dont want to respond to their texts, i get annoyed at them for no reason. they havent done anything wrong theyre wonderful its a “its not you its me” situation to a T.

all of our friends are mutual friends, but most of them were technically my friends first (all the people they used to hang out with sucked) so im scared if we break up they wont have anyone to talk to about it. i really dont want to hurt them.

i honestly might realize this is just me being dumb and all of this will pass and ill want to be with them still once it does, but since i have no clue how id break it off i feel so trapped. i want to know i have a way out if things dont get better, i want to stay with them because i truly changed my mind not because i didnt have a choice.

Not in a poly sense but just a “have had a few relationships” sense I guess I can offer advice.

So I’ve never actually broken up with anyone before, except for the last guy I was messing around with (Catboy) just because as much as I had sooo much feelings for him it was like the most unhealthy “relationship” for me. Like I finally realized like “oh I’m actually NOT better off seeing him, my mental health is ACTUALLY worse” because of his shenanigans.

However, I did have a long term partner who I dated for 6 years who we had plans to move in together and get married etc. same kind of deal, all their friends were my friends. And they dumped me, and yeah, it was really fucking hard even though I knew everyone was going to take my side. And the one person who didn’t I ended up not speaking to anymore because I was like if you’re not going to realize that I’m the only one whose going to keep talking to you because my ex doesn’t give a shit about keeping in contact with people, then that’s on you.

I was devestated. This was like 3 years ago at this point and pretty much right up until about this year I felt like I was somehow “living in the wrong timeline” and like my entire life’s trajectory had been pulled out from underneath me. Not from the breakup so much as them just deciding they never wanted to speak to me again, that I was bad for their mental health, etc. which I always told them if I’m ever bad for your mental health then break up with me, and I meant it and stand by that and their decision, but it still fucking hurt.

Like if that’s what they had to do that’s what they had to do. If that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. While I am of course resentful to my ex, and I hope they get hit by a car or something sometimes, I do stand by their decision that if I wasn’t good for them then I’m happy they left me behind. I don’t know if other people are going to have that same view upon being dumped. I mean like I said I still hate them. But to say that they should have stayed with me for my sake is hypocritical.

Not only that, but an issue of intimacy was occurring between us during the lead-up to the breakup. And as soon as I wasn’t with them anymore and I was able to be with Catboy instead I got a taste of what I had been missing and GOD it felt so good. For the first time ever I felt like someone actually wanted to be intimate with me. It was an amazing feeling. My ex dumping me opened up the door for me to have things I was missing in that relationship. So it wasn’t all bad, for sure.

You have to do what you have to do for yourself. You come first. If you need to break up with your partner, or take space, or whatever, you just have to go for it if you really think it’s what’s best for you.

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

ok wait now i wanna talk abt weird/interesting things from my experience getting top surgery. ive seen other ppl talk abt some of these things b4 but not all of em

i thought my surgeon was gonna do the incision, like, underneath the curve of my tiddies?? he ended up kinda slicing thru the middle of them, so my scars run over the middle of my pecs, not underneath them

speaking of; ig my pecs are more developed than i thought since my chest isnt like perfectly flat but rather both my pecs have a layer of fat/flesh on them and i can feel the muscle underneath

also the dip/space inbetween from when i had tiddies looks p much exactly the same, my surgeon said sometimes it ends up buldging out and a revision is needed but thankfully that didnt happen to me

the discharge nurse let me know afterwards that my tits were 11 kilograms (right 6kg and left 5kg) like no fucking wonder i have back pain at the tender age of 19

so yknow how pain raises ur body temp and makes u sweat?? immediately upon waking up i was so warm and damp i told a nurse id soiled myself and needed a change of underwear, i hadnt! i was just really fucking sweaty lol

i also threw up twice after waking up (fortunately into containers both times), turns out anesthetic doesnt agree w/ me, also it was like a dark bottle green?? since id been fasting from the night b4 ig i was bringing up nothing but bile

pre-surgery they cldnt get the IV in my left hand and had to switch to my right and ig that made my heart rate pick up bc one of the asistants immediately came by my head and talked to me to calm me down, he was rlly nice :)

im p sure i conked out within seconds of them getting the IV in and starting up the anesthetic too, none of that 'count back from 10' shit, i took like 2 and a half deep breathes and was OUT

from a combination of the iodine and natural swelling/bruising my chest looked REALLY yellow for like 3 weeks after surgery

i got sent home the same day i got my surgery, they keep some ppl over night if theres complications but apparantly i was all good to go after resting in the post-op ward for few hours

speaking of, i woke up, puked, got some water, dicked around on tumblr, called my mum, took an 'i lived bitch' selfie, slept for a few hours, woke up, went on tumblr again, got dressed w/ some help from a nurse, pissed (by myself, woo!), and then got discharged

my scars are uneven! my left incision goes further under my armpit than my right one, and my scars vary in thickness, it actually looks kinda like ive got two scars on my left side bc it thins out so much in the middle for a few milimeters

my nipples are also a lil uneven and they ended up puckering up as they healed so i kinda looks like ive always got stiff nips oops, also theyre more brown than pink

apparantly that might be bc they took the nipple graft from my areaola bc they werent able to graft the actual nipple, idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯, obvi it doesnt look perfectly like a cis guy's nipples but i knew the chances of achieving that were relatively small + p dependent on how i healed so like im not too bothered by it

my surgeon used dissolvable stitches and one of em ended up poking out thru my scar a lil b4 it disolved, which was weird

showering w/ a plastic sandwich bag duct taped to ur chest so u dont get ur scars and nips wet is An Experience TM i'll tell u that

my scars stretched!! it happens!! esp if u raise ur arms, which u will inevitably have to do eventually, idk if they'll ever fade on their own or if i'll need scar revision treatment in the future but fortunately they didnt go keloid

my surgeon used what he called crosshatched stitching rather than drains so that saved me a lot of discomfort, i DID get a slight build up of like, i think around 40ish mls of fluid in my left side a few weeks after surgery, but my surgeon dealt w/ it by p much just poking it w/ a syringe and draining it out lol

which i didnt even feel him do at the time bc of the nerve damage lmao, which was weird asf since i could very much SEE him sticking the needle in but couldnt feel it at all

i regained my mobility like, straight away?? my surgeon said bc im young + relatively healthy it was likely that id bounce back from surgery quick but like,, i had none of the exhaustion, pain, or immobility ive seen ppl describe??

i couldnt lift my arms very high for a while obvi but like i was fine dressing myself and even washing my own hair if i just leaned over

having to sleep upright for a few weeks after surgery was v annoying since i usually rotate like a shawarma trying to find a comfy sleeping position

the post-op chest binder was sensory hell bc it was scratchy and it kept slipping down my back since it had no shoulder straps, also i accidentally bruised my ribs a lil bit by wearing it too tight oops, the fuckin relief i felt when they told me i cld stop wearing it

the post-op 'please wear these at all times so u dont get thrombosis' socks were p comfy tho, idk why they didnt cover my toes tho

regaining the sensation around ur scars is weird! my right side's been completely fine but ig bc my left scar is thicker + longer ive been getting some pain n tightness, its not a persistent issue or anything but its just kind weird bc ive never had any surgeries or major injuries to heal from before this one

u will have to get ur boobs felt up and examined probaby multiple times b4 surgery, this will feel very different from touching ur own boobs and, in my case, was ticklish??

my posture has improved somewhat since getting top surgey, what not having 11kg of weight hanging off ur chest and compressing it in towards ur ribs/spine for roughly 9 hours a day will do to a mf ig

[astrowaffles]

toji to me is a very downtrodden character and thats the base of like aaalll my analysis of him. i think its a good idea to keep in mind that they're all living in a Secret Society with like negative morals and seemingly a core principle of might makes right. its not Just a lack of therapists, here, right, its an actively hostile environment. and then you have the zen'in upbringing which kicks that up a notch. i dont think toji is actually all that convinced of his power, bc he grew up being told he was worthless without cursed energy. he Never gets revenge on the zen'ins. why? his trauma response to this (get OUTTTTT) is different than maki's (spite them & eventually overcome them-- for approval ? hm.). shes intimidated by them sure but shes got that rebel spirit! girlboss. anyway back to the point bc i have one -> toji never escaped the zen'ins. he Wants to affirm that he's strong without cursed energy despite all the evidence that he actually is (and look how that final attempt went!). id like to propose a theory: he didnt think he could hide a child with The Zen'in Power Of All Time from the zen'ins. i dont think he could either tbh. ok actually are you caught up on the manga 🤨

Hello again! I really love this view of Toji's character, and it will surprise you to learn that I agree with you. I actually do. When I've been replying to your asks before, I've been talking from the perspective of his parenting decisions. But you're right, to take this any further we need to look at his actual personality/character.

Reasons to be sympathetic to Toji (a.k.a extend him the poor little meow meow factor):

abusive ex-family

no support

no therapy

dead wife

poor

gambling addiction

Toji was abused and was brought up in an environment where he literally meant nothing. He was useless. His reaction to this (get out, cut all ties, get stronger) is a response I'm actually proud of him for. So many people are probably still rolling around inside the Zen'in clan, having never got the balls to get out. Toji even chooses to change his name.

Being a cycle breaker is hard. For many people, it's impossible. For Toji - it was impossible. I extend sympathy and empathy to him here because it's DIFFICULT to let go of your upbringing and do it differently, do better. Toji can't bring him self to leave the jujutsu world. Nanami did it, and could have left forever if he so chose - but Toji can't. He's not a sorcerer but he can't let go of that being part of him, he can't stop his Zeni'in upbringing from shaping him. Neither can Maki, but Maki chooses to actively confront the clan and make physical changes to her life.

Toji just drowns in his spite - again, another thing we can hand him a poor little meow meow card for. He doesn't have the tools to heal or make better decisions. We feel bad for him. We sympathise. We want to still see him as a basically good person (and, to be honest, he probably is) who's just been scarred by the world.

So, to go back to what you said: you're right. He doesn't escape the Zeni'ns and I'm not convinced he wants to. He wants to show them he's better but he also can't bring himself to directly call attention to himself.

So let's bring this full circle and talk about what the original post was about: Toji's parenting. You said you still don't think he's a good parent. You're right, he isn't. He never will be. No Toji stan will ever be able to convince me that any of Toji's parenting choices were the right ones. But let's be sympathetic again, let's see how we can cut him some slack for those terrible decisions.

Does Toji even know how to be a parent?

We don't know a whole lot about Toji's parents. We know he hates them, if he ever truly knew them. We can infer he doesn't want to be like them. We're sure he never actively abuses Megumi, only passively, through abandonment. Perhaps he feels this is better than getting directly involved with a small child. He's described by the wiki as a cold person, specifically since his wife died and he 'reverted to his old self'. It's highly possible that Toji chose to abandon Megumi since he thought it was genuinely the best possible path. Toji can be cold, violent, and calculating, and he maybe felt he was in no position to be doing any parenting. We can sympathise with this!

(But he's still a bad father).

Did Toji sell Megumi to the Zen'ins so the kid could train to be a sorcerer?

It's definitely possible. I think this is what @honestlyyoungtyphoon was trying to tell me. Toji can't help a sorcerer kid, but he knows that Megumi needs training and he knows the Zen'ins would love to give it. And, yeah, maybe he's had this plan ever since he realised Megumi's technique, because he knew the Zen'ins would find out somehow.

Reasons this is still a bad parenting decision: the Zen'ins, while they treat their sorcerers well materially and are much kinder to them than they are to non-sorcerers, are still power hungry little bitches. Everyone knows this. While Toji would have no way to create a better plan, he knew himself it was bad. You ever wonder why Gojo went to see Megumi straight away? Because was Gojo was raised how the Zen'ins would treat Megumi. Gojo was living the life that Megumi would live in the future. And Gojo knew that it wasn't a life fit for anyone.

Toji knows that Gojos knows this. Toji knows Gojo could help Megumi. Toji passed the baton. And honestly, this is probably a reveal of part of Toji's true personality. He willingly sent a guy, his own personal enemy, to Megumi because he knew it was good for Megumi. Toji has a lot of pride and it must have taken a lot to ask that. THIS is probably what the aggressive Toji stans mean when they tell me Toji was a good parent.

So, overall: Toji is a damaged person who never received any kind of help and support from anyone except his (now dead) wife. There are many factors that help shape his decisions and parenting choices. Toji is probably a basically good person who is simply hurt by his circumstances, and even his truly awful decisions such as abandoning Megumi could have their roots in a belief that it was truly for the best. However: a good person does not make a good parent.

Toji was a shit dad and we love him <3

[arthur-lesters-balls]

oscar stuff out of the way, i think its very interesting that when talking about kayne in this episode, arthur just spoke about "the stick" and not "the carrot". i've seen some people on twitter talking about how they think its because arthur is sure kayne wont keep up his half of the deal, but i disagree.

firstly, we've never seen kayne break any of his deals. he always does what he says he will do. the thing is, he uses the same logic as the narratives from people finding magic lamps and genies teaching them lessons about greed by twisting their wishes. he works in between the lines, on things that were not discussed when the deal was made. he told arthur he would bring john back, but without his memories, and, well, technically he did it. any fragment of the kiy is john before his time with arthur. he told john he would bring him back to arthur if he took them to new york and he did. he just didnt say anything about not letting arthur know.

(and, no, offering to wipe arthur's memories and then ""changing his mind"" doesnt count as an unfulfilled deal, since john didnt give him anything for it.)

so what i really think is going on? i think either arthur knows kayne wont just give everything he offered without a drawback, or hes just unable to really hope for something good. as he said, they went through a lot, him and john. at this point it wouldn't be weird for him to just wish to avoid things getting worse, feeling that hoping for something good is too much. or maybe its both, idk.

as an extra id like to say that my main theory about the drawback that kayne will use is that if arthur really wants to live in that universe, where faroe is alive, the arthur from that universe gotta be killed, so he can take his place. i think that arthur wouldnt be able to accept that. even if kayne teases him about the fact that that arthur from the past is a bitch, he now gets about the importance of giving a chance for people to be better and still leave that arthur to live and learn that in his own time with his own experiences.

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[cpunkwitch]

Hey I mean this in good faith but if you keep letting the things your partner says go and don’t bring it up and especially if it’s a month and more longer it’s going to build up and be worse for you

My partner is abled and has been insensitive and the only way to fix that is to talk to them and you mentioned your partner wasn’t deterred even though you told him directly why it wasn’t good

That’s genuinely concerning, I’m sure in other ways he treads you right but it sounds like he doesn’t want you to use it and also doesn’t understand the importance of it. And unfortunately you’re the only one who can fully explain it to him bc if he won’t listen to YOU, saying “google it” probably won’t work bc he has to WANT to learn

Playing down mistreatment [intentional or not, malicious or not] for the comfort of your partner won’t help you and if you really want your relationship to last you have to learn and the person you’re teaching has to be willing to be receptive of information. You won’t be the only disabled person he comes across, so you really want him walking around with the idea in his head how it’s okay to mistreat cane users by making unnecessary and annoying comments about a mobility aid

[No this isn’t me speculating on your relationship like I said he treats you right in other aspects I’m sure but tl;dr: you’re not the only cane user he’ll come across in life and you need to help him understand how to act around other disabled people who aren’t as passive]

Please take care of yourself, if you feel something is wrong a month later it must be truly wrong !

i know i know i know

thank you for trying to get t in my head and encourage me to talk

i feel like even if i give proper context im not even defending keeping quite id just be giving more reason why i should bring it up

but the thing is

i genyunely dont know how to bring it up to him

i get i really should and i get now that the length of time between now and when the instance initially happened does not impact how important it is to talk about it, but with how he openly admitted to being ableist with the defense that he "feels bad when he sees young people with mobility aids and wants to help make them healthy again", hes fully aware its wrong but also doesnt get why its wrong, i mean i literally told him "youre not supposed to feel guilty about that, its not about you nor does it mean theyre unhealthy"

just

what else am i supposed to say?

other than "you made me feel like you didnt want to be seen with me" and that doesnt get my full point across, just a part of things, so while i know what i should tell him, i dont know how ^^;

and your right he does treat me well outside of that, hes otherwise honestly really fun, but ive been in a bad place mentally for a while and im scared of further messing things up if this creates an argument.

thank you nonny im just not sure if im in the right headspace to bring it up to him nor do i feel i can take on a responsability of teaching him like youre kinda putting on me ^^;

[ittybittybumblebee]

Long story short: 90s Trigun Ending is good. Just rushed 😭

Yeah it IS good and also rushed. The conclusion/sort-of-conclusion-but-doesn't-quite-feel-like-one-entirely (?) Is good , It just could've been clearer! Thats my only gripe. Im alright with vague endings as in you don't know what happens after, BUT i'd like to know whats happening during??? The ending? As its going on??? That is all.

Ok if youll excuse me rant rambling but i just wanna say i have 2 say.

In MY opinion it wouldve been a more satisfactory vague ending if he LEFT his brother where he was. That leaves just enough mystery wihtout the confusing element of BRINGIN HIM BACK if he was planning on helping his brother get better from his i hate all humans disease id ont think hes gonna be cured by a few gunshots and going unconscious vash sweetie have you thought this through why are you BRINGING him BACK TO THE TOWN. RIGHT NOW. Not even a hesitation on that part? . In the credits it even shows him walking up 2 meryll and millie with his brother on his shoulder BABYGIRLLLLLLLLL TAKE HIM AWAYYYYYYYYYYY 2 HELP HIMMMMMMM SOMEWHERE ELSE DONT BRING HIM THERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING.......

Leaving him there wouldve been more satisfactory as it wouldve symbolized either LEAVING him to die OR live , stepping away. which Vash saying hes gonna start going by his own words and not Rems anymore would make more sense by.

And ...It could symbolize, with leave for speculation on what happens to Knives after leaving him. if his brother does survive, Knives, is probably yet again, going to try to get at Vash. To repeat it all. Vash will have to keep playing against his brother at this cyclical game to survive himself and protect the people he loves (which is all of em bc this guys got the biggest fucking heart on the planet) but neither are going to quit.

OR Knives has a change of heart, after being spared again. It wouldnt happen immediatly though this cunt needs a lot of work lmao. I can imagine years later he could come back to Vash and say something a long the lines of I Learned Some Things That Day That Told Me I Was Actually Wrong, and then go dissapear off to soemwhere else to start again (?) Not likely to happen though. It would be Nice. And Satisfactory. But not likely.

But EITHER WAY . NOW Vash is going to try and do what his heart says anyway and try his best which is all he has done and can do. And he IS going to get hurt again and he might hurt someone else again but he will do his Best and thats okay. And hes Learned that. Now. Sort of adjacent to being able to finally forgive himself. Learning to forgive himself for the mistakes. Forgive himself for who he couldnt save and what he couldnt or didnt do.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

[eraseur-a]

i never vent on main but this month has been so hard. tws covid, dysphoria, sex, self harm

in the past month:

i broke up with my fiance who id been with for 2 years. he was my best friend. i talked to him every day. i miss him.

it felt like i lost my entire future. i have no plan or goals anymore. i had something concrete and am now just lost.

there's nothing i care about and nothing that brings me joy. i feel like im shoving my brain full stimulation just to get by. i have no passions or interests or projects or ideas or desires or goals. ive always had projects and creativity but i just have nothing.

ive been fucking up so much at my job and its stressing me out so much i feel like im a terrible manager and didnt deserve this promotion and im freaking out and its so weird learning new social rules and watching everyones level of respect for me change. and god fuck being at work and having to talk to everyone is making me hate myself like why cant i talk to my coworkers like everyone else can. how are they having these conversations with each other and building relationships. i dont understand fuck i hate not knowing social things

and ive been seeing a new man who i like a lot but hes neurotypical and im so scared to meet his friends and family because he told me im "weird" and i also just cant allocate the energy to be around normal people i dont have any capacity or desire to do so

this has also given me major dysphoria and so much stress about my gender and sexuality. im realizing how dysphoric i actually am -- or maybe its just how dysphoric being around him makes me. this guy is amazing why do i have to be fucking weird and broken. why cant i just have sex like a normal person. i want to be with him but being with him makes me hate myself but also i should just stop hating myself right.

and then just now lost a vibrant and special community of people that shared the same interest as me that has consumed my life for 4 months. close friends. who, more than anything, i admired immensely as artists and creators and who inspired me so much. im not going to pretend like im not devastated to have lost friends and inspirations. i miss you and im sorry. all this this also means ive lost a sense of safety and faith.

and my mom got covid. and i live with her. so im terrified of my mom dying and every time i cough im convinced im gonna die. this is making my ocd so much worse, so im doing all my ocd rituals more intensely, but then shit keeps going wrong, which makes me feel like i cant even have faith in that, and if i cant have faith in that then what next will i turn to to save me. what do i shove in the emptiness

and i relapsed with self harm like... 3 times this month. i regret it so fucking much and that isnt making it easier.

it's just so much. im always okay, but... im starting to worry that maybe im not actually okay.

i dont want to talk about any of this really. i dont want attention or sympathy. im so tired of having conversations. i just needed to vent and just... share where i'm at. thinking about anime superheroes is the closest thing to enjoyment this brain has been able to get the past few days. and im terrified to admit that i am human and need a support system and am maybe not okay.

[temporalbystander]

Since I'm torn between screaming and crying, don't ask me why I've never felt so emotional over being so nauseous before, I figured id try and fix my previous screw up. I was pissed that I couldn't end it the way I wanted so, clearly, that shouldn't have been where I ended it. Now let's try good man Tom take two.

To say Tom was happy that his daughter was with the boy she loved was an understatement. The fact that the young Adrien Agreste had been granted more freedom and was actually able to come over more often? Well it brought a joy to the baker that he didn't think possible. Sabine loved having someone else to speak Mandarin with of course and, even though Tom didn't understand a word of it, he loved how happy and free his wife sounded speaking in her native tongue. But for the moment young Adrien was currently helping with the clean up which lead to Tom being reminded of a question he thought the boy might be in a perfect position to answer. "Adrien? What do you think of Faybon?" Since the day they last spoke the orphan had gone no further than the bakery whenever he stopped by. Picking up some pastries and then leaving with a simple thank you.

"Faybon?" If the former model was surprised at the sudden topic it didn't stop him for long. "He's amazing really. Seeing him go through the day you wouldnt know about his home life or just how harshly he pushes himself." Adrien slowed down slightly, clearly the stresses of his own life were coming to mind, but he still kept talking. "He told me once that the only thing keeping him in school was that Miss Netta, the caretaker, had asked him to stay." The blonde let out a small chuckle. "Of course that didnt stop him from working non-stop to take on some of the financial problems the orphanage faced."

"He clearly cares about his home." Tom added when there was a slight pause. How could a kid that was so kind and so determined have remained an orphan for so long? Even then how could he be so overlooked when his personality gave off such a presence while you were talking to him?

Adrien had gone to grab another tray and brought it to the bench, they had finished cleaning but apparently the young Agreste wasn't done talking. Tom wasn't going to complain though. It seemed to subject of the other boy weighed as heavily on Adrien's mind as it did his own. "I had assumed he was Marinette's boyfriend at first, because he was so affectionate towards her. I still feel guilty about that." Tom didn't say anything, his little girl had told him about the way Faybon had teased her when they first became friends, the constant hugs and embraces would have definitely give the wrong impression to an outside observer. "He explained everything of course, more than I expected him too, even said we were a lot alike."

"Well you are both amazing kids with a lot of work experience under your belt." The appreciative smile Adrien gave off at that helped Tom to relax a little. Seemed like he wasn't messing this conversation up too badly yet.

"True but... I can't help but think there's more to it than that." The blonde teen looked around before lowering his voice slightly. "Don't tell Marinette but I can't help but wonder if it truly was a good thing she got him to open up to everyone." Maybe Tom's shock didn't translate on his face well because Adrien almost seemed scared as he tried to explain himself. "I mean he's a great friend and I'm glad to know him it's just..." The boy seemed to get frustrated by his inability to speak clearly.

"Did something happen that made you think this way?" Tom thought the best way to help the kid calm down was to get him to think of it a different way. It seemed to work.

"Our friends band was doing a rehearsal a while ago and we had all managed to be there." Adrien started slowly. "We had set up the chairs and everything but one of our friends, Kagami, had just been in an argument with her mother again. So Faybon was trying to cheer her up." The smile the boy gave was tinged with sadness at that and Tom couldn't think of a reason why that would be the case. "He had thrown his body across several of the chairs and put his head in her lap. Since her mother kept calling her soft he seemed determined to try and show her why that was a good thing. He promised to stay there until she started thinking differently."

"That sounds like it could have gone badly." The large baker added, he hadn't met Kagami often but it was enough to see that she had a particular way of dealing with people that might rub others the wrong way. "What happened next?"

Adrien gave a small chuckle. "Had it been anyone else it probably would have but I think Kagami was a bit more lenient with him for some reason." Shaking his head the boy continued his story. "Since there didn't seem to be any more problems the rehearsal started. The band went through several songs, had to restart a couple of times as some technical issues were worked out and even allowed me to join them for a bit." His smile widened as the excitement of that night came back to him. Tom much prefered that look to the slightly closed off one the boy gave whenever talking about his modelling, well unless it was one of Marinette's designs he was wearing that is. "A few hours later there was much cheering and then we all moved to start taking things down. All except for Faybon and Kagami."

The baker was a bit shocked at that, Faybon always seemed willing to help. "Had he seriously stayed on her lap the entire time?" Tom had to admire the boys dedication. Even pushed together fold out chairs were notoriously uncomfortable to lie on.

The sad smile was back. "Marinette went over to yell at him only for Kagami to stop her. Apparently he'd fallen asleep shortly after she started ignoring him, which was long before the band started playing." Tom had heard some of Kitty Sections music. the idea of sleeping through it seemed impossible.

"He really must have been tired." Still, he wasn't sure why that would cause Adrien to say what he did.

"I think he always is." The boy answered after a moment. "I know what it's like to bounce from one thing to the next, to have to drag yourself out of bed when it's the last thing you feel you can do." Tom understood that. It had taken a while before he had adjusted to the early start the bakery had required of him.

"So you think he's faking his emotions around you then?" Mr Dupain asked hoping for some clarification. He supposed it was possible but it didn't seem likely.

Clearly Adrien agreed. "Not at all." He said with a firm shake of his head. "I have no doubt that the person he shows us is the real Faybon." His voice was clearer now, the worry for his friend starting to shine through. "I think it's much worse. I think he's forcing himself to show us who he is. I think his normal day to day life is so exhausting that his moments of invisibility are him trying to recover. I think that just being normal around us is draining his already empty reserves."

Tom admitted that was an unnerving thought that could explain the moments of emptiness he had seen on the overworked kid. If simply being himself was an effort then it would make sense why he seemed to content to fade into the background when not actively engaged. "If that's true then Ladybug and Chat Noir should stop him from trying to help them so much."

It was an odd place to end the conversation but the mention of Faybon and the heroes seemed to make Adrien uncomfortable. Maybe he hadn't noticed just how often Faybon had been by their side? Or maybe it was more guilt over how hard he was pushing himself. Whatever the reason Tom's view of both the boys had solidified, as well as what he was going to do from now on. Adrien seemed desperate to be heard and appreciated at times and, while the baker would never speak badly of another man's parenting techniques, he knew the pain of a distant father all to well.

As for Faybon? Well, whenever the boy stopped by the bakery in future he was loaded up with all the leftovers they had. And if some of those items weren't actual leftovers and had instead been made solely because of what Marinette said Faybon and the other orphans liked? Well, Faybon didn't need to know that. Soon the boy that had been such a source of worry for Tom was able to walk in and out of the bakery with as little interaction as possible. It wasn't Tom's preferred method of dealing with customers but if cutting out a little bit of conversation allowed Faybon a bit more energy to deal with the rest of his life? Then so be it.

[magnoliamyrrh]

this is about the convo earlier with being molested by family members..i'm also balkan and i grew up with my grandparents but especially my grandpa inappropriately touching my chest and when i tried to tell my mom, older sis and aunt they all dismissed it as 'ehh he probably didn't mean to/his hand slipped'. i didn't wanna insist and look crazy because i do love my grandpa and he was the only parental figure i had in my life growing up, but at the same time...he did do that. idk if he thought it was normal or what but i think about it often. i can't bring it up with my family again because they'll just ignore it (especially now that he's dead). it's weird to think about how loving and nice he was when he was also doing shit like that from time to time. idk where i'm going with this but yeah. i don't think of myself as someone who was molested as a kid but this shit is definitely normalized. i've seen it in other families where they'd constantly touch and talk about their little boy's genitals... it's so fucked up

it really is fucked up, and its fucked up to realize that so many of us grew up w this.... for a long time i thought this was a me issue not a cultural one - and all the silence and shame around it certainly didnt help w that.... its been fucking weird to think abt the last couple of days since i asked on here abt it. like.. weve really made this SO normal and common huh?? that going against it is outright dismissed or even punished??? i cant help but just keep wondering where the fuck it all went so wrong and how we got here - and whats so wrong that things like this havent been accepted only in the balkans but elsewhere. what. what is wrong with this species. incest is one of the only universal taboos among humans, and most other mammals also have an aversion to it. and yet. we have normalized an abnormal amount of it nontheless over and over again .....? uuuff

im sorry you went through that, and im sorry they didn't take it seriously and listen more to you. thats something that always hurts in particular. discomfort/repulsion is a normal reaction to have and youd expect at least the other women in ur family to care or understand it too, and its rly fucked up when they just... dismiss it or minimize it or make you feel guilty for it or like its your issue or hell do it themselves.. i figure for a lot of them, if theyd accept that what youre saying is bad, itd mean theyd have to accept that things they went through themselves was bad, and they dont wanna do that. so they dont do either.. im sorry that u cant speak abt it and i totally get how him being dead would make it all much harder. in my family at least we v much have a "dont speak ill of the dead" sorta thing, or just excusing the actions of particularly men after they did sorta thing......i still haven't told my family just about anything. any time i ever tried to bring up anything as a kid id get dismissed and ignored at best or be punished or degraded and humiliated at worst so.... learned my lesson on that one but. thank u for sending this, i hate to hear how many of us went through this but also its. nice to know that were not alone in this and that other ppl do get it

and i feel you. its a really confusing mess to try to make sense of how to feel abt ppl like that... be angry? be grossed out, be scared? be numb, be okay with it, pretend it didnt happen? excuse it, explain it away? .... and its just weird in the cases when it wasnt rly something particularly violent, or ""not that bad/bad enough"" ig or towes that line of being able to convince urself that maybe welll it could have been an accident. its weird to know how to feel abt them when they were seemingly ok ppl you cared abt and still do and who were nice other times. .. but also... did shit like this which end of the day just isnt ok. idk... i dont think theres rly a end or solution or one way to feel, i think.... its just kinda bound to be a cocktail of conflicting emotions... im still trying to figure out how to find some sort of. idk, potential resolution or peace w any of it but i haven't rly figured it out yet, i just keep turning it in my mind too

[cryptcreechur]

tw - family death

i had a dream last night that i would like to share with you all because i felt it was very important to me and perhaps the start of something wonderful or informative or fulfilling.

im going to copy-paste what i had typed to my buddies that are too cool for tumblr (they actively dislike it here) because if i try to retype everything my drawing hand will be mad at me and also i will cry (again)

i cant remember how it started out, but i remember the moment i saw him

i almost started crying and i ran up to him to hug him and he stopped me and said "im not sure you want to have the dead smell on you" and we laughed as i hugged him anyway

we spent time walking together somewhere outside, it was foggy and cool and peaceful. we just talked and spent time together. i told him how much i missed him and he nodded and listened. he said he misses me too, he misses all of us. but hes walking again, and able to do things he couldnt do for years. he told me not to cry so much because hes not upset or alone or hurting.

then it was time for him to go, he said, and he brought me to a door. there were stairs leading down to it and we hugged again at the top of the stairs and he turned and went to the door. i tried to follow him but i made it about halfway down before the door opened and i couldnt move anymore. some woman was standing there, kind of turned away from me, but she looked beautiful and had really really long black hair. he proudly introduced me to her but he said "this is my grand..son. right?" and he looked back at me and i nodded and he smiled and repeated "this is my grandson." she spoke to me but i didnt see her mouth move. she told me i couldnt come after my grandpa yet. that as long as i lived, something would keep me from the land of the dead.

grandpa turned around just before he went through the door and he smiled at me and told me i would be okay without him. he said im strong and hes proud to see who ive become so far and he looks forward to hugging me again

and then i woke up

see? i cried sending all that to my boyfriend

but a part of me (the overwhelming majority of me) feels relieved that i had this dream. so much has been going on in my life so far, and i at times feel like i cant make it, or that im weak, that my ancestors or passed relatives are disappointed in me. im glad i got to speak with my grandpa, who practically raised me in my childhood. he was a very important man to me.

ive always felt dreams carry significance - whether it's messages from the subconscious or messages from the divine, theres always something to be had from a dream.

that being said, i believe it was Hel, goddess and caretaker of the dead, who spoke to me.

id never seen her in a dream before, but she had this soothing energy about her. even as she was telling me i couldn't follow my grandpa, it wasn't a statement of malice - she had concern and compassion in her voice. she seemed so kind in that moment, understanding of my grief and my pain, and turning me onto the path i need to take right now - the path with the living.

ive found myself drifting away from my gods in my time of turmoil, and i feel guilty, but i also know they hold no judgement or anger towards me. they understand.

anyway, this post is really long, and if youve made it this far, thank you. maybe leave a few words in the replies ? id like to hear other's thoughts on Hel or lost family members or grief or even just dreams in general

have a nice day, all, and gods bless you