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oh-no-its-bird · 3 months

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Sat down and was like "What's the dumbest, most out of pocket crossover I can think of with Naruto." Then remembered that one guy who just went "Madoka magica" under my TMA crossover post and started giggling

So yeah, @thr33dogsinatrenchcoat this one goes out to you, I hope ur happy

So my first thought was just Homura in Naruto, but then my brain said no. Kyubey in Naruto. And then I really lost it

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you,

✨️ magical girl Kakashi ✨️

Major Spoilers for Madoka Magica below the cut

(Funilly enough, this has been in my drafts for a while now, well before I started getting really into my magical girl izuna AU)

A quick explanation for those of you here for Kakashi content who have no clue what Madoka Magica is;

Kyubey is a pink immortal rat thing from space who offers specifically pre-teen girls contracts to become magical girls. The girl will be granted a wish as their payment for the contract, then have to fight monsters known as Witches.

How big the wish that they can have granted (wishing for a cake vs wishing to revive the dead for example) depends on their potential as a magical girl. The girls magical girl theme and power will revolve around whatever wish they made— ask for someone to be healed and you may be able to heal faster, ask for happiness and maybe you get to be an empath, etc. As long as you can somehow connect the power to their wish, anything is fair game.

It's later revealed that a) the "soul gem" every magical girl is given when they become a magical girl is literally their soul in physical form. Kyubey just straight up removed their soul from their body and put it in a ROCK. Yes this does mean you can torture a magical girl via her soul gem, and yes if the soul gem gets too far from the girl she will collapse like a puppet who's strings were cut.

And b) witches are actually magical girls who fall victim to negative emotions and have their soul gems consumed by darkness either because they were swallowed by grief or from using too much magic without being able to clean their soul gem (which they can only do by killing witches)

Kyubey does all this because magical girls specifically within the age range of a middle schooler, give off a specific kind of energy when they transform into the witches that Kyubey's race farms for reasons I don't really remember anymore but I'm pretty sure has to do with it being mandatory for their race to live? Dunno it's been years since I watched madoka

Ok context over now for the fun part:

Something about the way humans are made in this world means Kyubey is not restricted to prepubescent girls in offering contracts. It's probably related to their chakra coils or something; Which also translates interestingly into how your amount of chakra and your chakra control affects your power as a magical girl.

Both of which Kakashi has in the bag.

I've read a few different takes about how Kakashi's chakra reserves are actually really big, he's just always running dangerously low bc of the constant drain of the sharingan. (I think this was actually confirmed in one of the novels? Which is neat) And since the overall 'potential' of his maximum chakra reserves is what wins out when it comes to the magical girl contract, he's our ideal customer.

Now, for this set up we aren't going to be using the "Kyubey and the magical girl system have just been around for a long while" but instead we're going with the "kyubey is new to this world and, seeing all of this potential energy, is looking to take a few of these bad boys on a test drive to see how well they work."

(Though there's a very interesting fic there with the angle of kyubey as maybe the equivalent of a 10th secret biiju, maybe locked away somewhere, and maybe released by forming a contract with someone— His junchuriki perhaps?)

This brings up an interesting question! A world where theyre havent been any magical girls yet made means that its a world without witches. And in a world without witches, what is Kyubey's explanation for why he needs magical girls when asked?

In the show we are shown that if pressed and asked the right questions, Kyubey will often tell the truth of the matter — that eventually a magical girl will self destruct and Kyubey farms the energy they release when they turn into a witch.

I can't see any shinobi worth their salt just accepting a suspicious contract for even more suspicious power from an impossibly MORE suspicious little magic rat thing. Kakashi especially. Questions WILL be asked and I do think it wouldn't actually be that hard to get Kyubey to give up the truth. Honestly, knowing the things personality and how it likes to take the logical approach, he might see that just telling the truth may actually help convince some people.

Because yeah, horrible fate aside, it's a lot easier to buy into promises of power when you know exactly what the catch will eventually be, and when it'll probably start kicking in.

There's a lot of people in Naruto who would can and have traded a LOT more than just their soul for power and a free wish. I can see people taking Kyubeys deal as is, Kakashi included under the right circumstances.

And besides that, there are plenty of times when the situation is last minute and intense to have the time to ask questions. Kyubey appearing in some life or death battle offering a miracle would probably be able to get a "fuck it what's the worst that can happen" from pretty much anyone

Anyways there are a few different paths we can take with the how's and why's Kakashi becomes a magical girl, and it largley depends on when exactly Kyubey approaches him about it.

1; Minato Route

Wishes for Minato and everyone to please just stay safe during "Madara's" attack, saving them and trading his soul for it in the process. He has no regrets tho, he refuses to.

This path I think would be fun if Kyubey shows up for the first time super last minute and Kakashi is pressed into a rushed contract and rushed wish. But I can also see if maybe he'd been approached by Kyubey beforehand, it's just that he was trying to sort out whether he trusted the rat enough to make a deal and sort out the exact wording of his wish. But oops no more time for that Kyubey please just keep his family safe!

It'd be fun if that was his exact wording actually. "I wish to keep my family safe"

Maybe it'd mean that even in the future, if he finds someone he considers to be his family, the wish will grow and apply to them? And then ""safe"" is such an abstract concept, especially to shinobi. What does it mean to be safe? Maybe it can end up backfiring in some way eventually, idk

2; Obito Route

^ Like he considers obito family, so maybe Obito is out there reaping the benefits of this wish as he tears shit up bc Kakashi never considered his wish could protect someone who might wish him harm.

This'd also mean Minato and Kushina are around!!! That'd impact a fuck ton of stuff for sure. I feel like without them dissapearing as his final push off the edge, Kakashi for sure wouldn't be the same guy we see in canon. He at least has some form of safety net to catch him, even if he's deep in depression and might not realize that net is there.

After either Kanabi bridge or Rin's death, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey, reads the terms and conditions of the contract, and then wishes for Obito and or Rin to come back to life. This, specifically with Obito, I see going one of two ways;

Kyubey, a bastard, who somehow magically knows Obito is alive: "Are you sure this is what you want to use your wish for?"

Kakashi: "fuck you yes I am"

Kyubey: "I mean if you say so lmao" (Less work for me)

Or,

Kyubey, somehow magically knowing Obito is alive and not wanting to have Kakashi waste this wish because say what you will, he's fair about this shit (to a degree anyways): "Unfortunatley I can't revive people who never died!"

Kakashi: "What."

*queue Kakashi going on a mission to find Obito and becoming a sparkly magical girl along the way wooo we love to see it*

3; The great dilemma, aka TIME TRAVEL !!!!!!!!!!!!

He failed Itachi, leading to the deaths of the entire Uchiha clan.

I'm so sorry you guys time travel is like 90% of what I do and I don't think it's gonna change any time soon

So, Kakashi is approached by Kyubey after the Uchiha massacre. At this point he has a whole fucking list of people he might want to try to revive or save, but he can only make a wish so big. He has enough power to wish one or two people back from the dead— an honestly incredibly feat in itself —but not everyone.

He failed his team, leading to their deaths and Naruto's sad orphan life.

He failed countless mission partners over the years, watching shinobi's fall dead left and right because of a wrong call or knife thrown a second too late

Now for his relationship with Kyubey—

He can't wish them all back. But he can wish for a second chance.

And yeah ok as I'm writing this I'm realizing we've turned right back around and started a fr Madoka magica AU I didn't mean to do that actually, oops.

But yeah time travel magical girl Kakashi !!! Given the time to really think about his wish and too many people to save, he wishes for a second chance.

Does he end up in his kid body or does he stay an 18 year old?

Is he alone or does Kyubey (having learned his mistake from Homura and Madoka) make sure to come along with?

Does his sharingan somehow pull Obito back with him or is he really alone?

Fuck ok actually as I write this one I think this might be The One, The AU, so we're gonna shelve this for another post on its own so we can keep just talking ab the set up.

So disclaimer, I haven't actually watched Madoka in forever, but I think it's safe to say that Kyubey is honestly pretty decent when it comes to guiding his magical girls? I mean, up until they fall off a cliff of despair and turn into monsters, but till then he holds up his end of the contract really well? He'll generally come when they call, answer their questions when asked, check in on them to make sure they're adapting to the lifestyle, sometimes even help keep them informed about local magical girls or witches or just give out free advice.

Don't get me wrong, Kyubey is a fucking rat and not to be trusted, he tricks little girls into literally selling their souls, but he has a clear work ethic and method. He's just also incapable of feeling human emotion and seems genuinely confused at why people would be alarmed or upset at, you know, everything.

But I think that's what would make him work so well in a shinobi world! Especially if he looks at the world and it's people and decides that upfront honesty would be the best play in recruiting someone as his magical girl test drive.

I think it could be interesting if Kakashi and Kyubey could have an actually somewhat positive relationship. Well, as positive as it can get for a traumatized ninja boy and a space rat with no real concept of human emotions outside of what it's read in a textbook about manipulating little girls.

They have an alarmingly functional workplace relationship. Kakashi signed a contract knowing what kind of death it'd probably lead him to (and it's not like it's that different from the end he already knows he'll face one day) and Kyubey is contractually bound to stick around and lend a helping hand and a bit of companionship when applicable.

Also, with Kakashi being his first magical girl test run in this world, he's just kind of monitoring the project? He wants to see it to the end before he gets started on widespread magical girl contracts, because again, logical emotionless little rat thing who knows better than to assume that since it's gone well so far it'll end well too. He wants to collect ALL the data before settling in for good.

Kyubey is giving Kakashi weirdly reaffirming (and much needed) positive reinforcement in all of this. He's impressed with how well the project is going! Kakashi is going through so much constant misery that despite somehow not turning into a witch out of despair, he's still giving a near constant output of that same energy Kyubey farms that usually only comes out when a magical girl witches out. Maybe that's also actually something related to the chakra coils— instead of giving one big explosion of energy when they turn into a witch, the people of this world are able to give a continuous stream of it just by existing and being miserable. Which also gives Kyubey even more of a reason to want to see Kakashi keep living! This guy is a one man army when it comes to energy! It's great!

Also it'd be kind of fucked up but in a funny way if Kyubey straight up told Kakashi this (Maybe Kakashi actually asks to be kept up to date on all of Kyubey's little project notes of studying him?) And it being somewhat of a comfort to him. Like. Yeah, he's a failure cursed to always have those he loves die in his arms or at his hands, but at least his suffering is helping the universe in some way! That's something, right? Right???

Anyways, power and appearence time

So like, obviously there's a VERY large chance that Kakashi would end up with some sort of healing power as a magical girl. Because yknow, there is basically no universe where Kakashi doesn't use his wish to either heal someone, protect someone, or bring someone back from the dead— which lines up pretty directly to a healing based power.

But just normal healing is too boring so lets get spicy with it! Let's lay out some power options!

1) Blood healing

So my favorite twist on a normal healing power is a simple one; He regenerates stupid fast, to the point that he can even reattach limbs, but it's all in his blood. As long as his blood is touching a wound, it's healed in seconds to minutes.

This is also means his blood can also be used to heal others! For good or for bad. Fights can get a lot more complicated when your enemy realizes that they can use your own healing methods on them— even if the blood does only work on what it can touch, so they gotta risk shoving that shit in there if the wound is too deep.

If you want an extra bit of spice on top of that also, you can say the blood doesn't just heal people. Maybe it can heal any living thing— plants included

(I'm ngl I typed all this out then kind of squinted at my screen and went wait isn't this what Karin does? I don't actually know the details of her powers no one tell me if I'm right, I don't actually care)

2) Wound substitution

Here's an incredibly in character ability; He can take on the wounds of his comrades. They get hurt but he takes the hit. It'd so fit his self sacrificing ass too.

Maybe he can have advanced healing from the wounds he steals from his companions, maybe he only inherits them by halves, maybe it's the full deal.

Maybe it's involuntary or maybe he can only do it on purpose. Involuntary could be interesting and offer serious consequences down the line.

I'd love to see a dog themed magical girl Kakashi I think it would cure all of my mental illnesses and give me like 30 more.

3) Sheilds but make them zappy

Thunder shields could be interesting. Maybe he can use the shields to encase his limbs to deliver an extra oomf or smthn, just for funzies.

4) Something to do with eyes

You know I gotta at least consider smthn with eyes, like cmon. Whether it's because his wish was phrased in a way that could catch on it, or it's just how the magic interacted with his sharingan, I wanna see some eye stuff!!!

Maybe whatever healing ability he has is all centered in the eye or smthn, or maybe if it's like a self healing ability he regenerates eyes first or smthn idk.

4) Time powers ✨️

You know I had to.

In the route where he wishes for a second chance he so gets time powers. It's very cool. It's also very very fucking OP so it'd be tricky to work around in giving him a fr obstacle. Maybe if Obito comes back with him, the sharingan somehow makes him immune? Like, whenever Kakashi stops time, Obito isn't stopped.

I'm ngl Im running low on power ideas rn so let's move on, but like leave that open ended

Would Kakashi's magical girl outfit be something that adapts to his style and is created by his subconscious desires, as I'm pretty sure is accurate according to Madoka Magica lore? Yes. But do I think it would be funny to put him in a fluffy magical girl skirt? Even bigger yes, put that man in a dress and heels immediatley.

For Kakashi's soul gem, I think it'd be really fun if instead of taking the form of a ring, it was instead either an earring or— hear me out guys, lip ring or tongue piercing

It's perfect! He already hides his face, no one would even know it was there! Also both lip rings and tongue piercings are so cute

His soul gem is red with a silver case and we all know why. When he transforms it doesn't glow red tho, it glows white because something something hatake white chakra or something, idk

Anyways this has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 weeks now, so I'm gonna go ahead and hit post even tho I'm not totally satisfied with what I have here. Better to put it out for the few who'd enjoy it than keep it in the trunk bc I'm unsatisfied, right? Maybe I'll come back to it later, idk.

#i LOVE just going “whats a stupid crossover idea and how can I take it way too seriously”#its so much fun #birds fic talk #naruto #madoka magica #kakashi #hatake kakashi #kakashi hatake #magical girl #magical girl kakashi #magical girl Kakashi AU #hatake #obito uchiha #uchiha obito #kyubey #madoka #magical girl au #obito

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