#its the combination of understanding and support and yet just enough challenge to stop them from buckling down harder

[rxttenfish]

i absolutely cannot let myself get started on another fic until im at least onto chapter 5 of caecilian but the temptation to write something of aaravi taking miranda monster hunting and describing the entire EVERYTHING there is real

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Roman Holiday: A Review

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my review of RWBY: Roman Holiday by E.C. Myers! Given my tendency to discuss this franchise at great length, I thought I'd start with a tl;dr section for those who might just want my general takeaway, not a deep dive into some of the novel's specific flaws and strengths. So with that in mind... 

Did you like the book?

I did! Let me put it like this. I'm incredibly critical of any RWBY material nowadays, I haven't had the energy to read #realbooks for a while, and I still managed to finish this in five days, even while stopping every few pages to take notes. So it was entertaining enough to hold my attention, unlike Before the Dawn. Is it a perfect novel worthy of nothing but endless praise? No and I'll delve into the many problems below. But is it also one of the better RWBY installments I've engaged with lately, including recent Volumes of the webseries? Yeah. If you're still emotionally attached to the show or these characters, I recommend giving it a try for the sake of nostalgia. 

But isn't there a bunch of creepy stuff in it? Didn't Myers turn Roman into a pedophile? 

No, he didn't. As I suspected, the rumors that we've been hearing lately probably came about from taking certain moments out of context, or by blowing up some pretty minor implications, or by straight up reading interactions between an adult and a minor in very bad faith. Purity culture and a desire to drag RWBY combining to create an argument that, frankly, isn't supported by the text. Are there jokes and interactions that some readers might find uncomfortable? Yes, but it’s no worse than what RWBY has already established as a canonical part of their world and writing style. See: Yang's interactions with Junior in her Yellow Trailer. If you're a fan of Roman and have held off only because you're convinced the novel ruined his character, I personally don't think that's the case. Breathe easy. 

I'm still worried about how the novel treats disability though. Specifically Neo's muteness. 

I was too, but I'm happy to report it's a pretty tame portrayal. If anything, I have more to say about the intersection between Neo's semblance and her sense of identity. Suffice to say though, Neo never speaks in the novel, there's no ridiculous reason why she can't speak (no reason is given at all, it’s simply a part of her), and only the bad guys pressure her into talking. Meaning, the bad guys from her and Roman’s perspective. Obviously she and Roman are both villains in the RWBY world, but when it comes to respecting each other's needs they're definitely, comparatively better than the rest of the cast. 

So there were no problems? 

Oh no, there are definitely problems lol. Let's just say they're not offensive enough to bother the average RWBY fan. At least, most of them (probably) aren't. If you're not neck deep in the franchise's struggles and actively thinking about how this novel does (or does not) fit into the larger RWBY-mythos, there's a very good chance you'll like the book, passing over everything I’m about to mention without a backwards glance. Hell, even if you're looking for problems there's a good chance you'll enjoy a lot of other aspects, just like I did. So I recommend taking a chance on the book far more than I recommend steering clear on principal alone. 

Okay, with that out of the way it's time to dive into the nitty-gritty!  

FYI I'm pulling my quotations from the paperback edition and, as is probably already obvious, this is not a spoiler free review. So tread carefully!  

Part One: An Imbalance of Protagonists

Would you like RWBY: Roman Holiday? Well, that might depend largely on which of its main characters you're most interested in. If it's Roman, you may be disappointed, despite the fact that the book is evenly divided between his and Neo's perspectives. This is, fundamentally, a book about Neo. She is the one undergoing all the character development. She is the one who is driving the plot. Roman just sort of exists within a criminal status quo until he bumps into her — almost exactly halfway through the novel's 308 pages — and then becomes caught up in her training, her desire to concoct new schemes, and eventually her family's problems. I don't want to make it sound like Roman is unimportant to the book, he's obviously there and he does things, but we're not given the same level of insight into him like we are Neo.  Frankly, I can think of only two significant revelations, both of which we might have easily guessed based on Roman's established characteristics: his mother abandoned him when he was a kid and he once worked for one of the main crime bosses in Mistrial, specifically Lil' Miss Malachite. Otherwise, everything Roman does and experiences is precisely the sort of stuff we saw him do and experience in the webseries. He commits petty crimes, fights people with his cane, and does it all with a dramatic flare which, notably, Myers writes quite well. 

This lack of impact on the story seems to stem from two decisions. First, Myers never jumps forward or backwards in time (with the exception of two small scenes that explain how characters got to a point we saw in the last scene/chapter). Though this definitely helps to keep things from getting confusing, it means that we never go farther back than Neo at 8 years of age and we're always looking at what both characters are up to at the same point in time. Given that Roman is a decade older than Neo, this means that, unlike her, we never get peek into his childhood. When she's 8 he's 18, already an adult and committing crimes in Mistral. A lot of Neo's development is inevitable, just by virtue of starting her story so young. She has to mature, develop her semblance, go to school, try various ways of being independent for the first time... Roman gets none of that. He's an adult when we meet him, his character fully formed and, since we already know that character from the webseries, we're given no new insight into him or how he developed that identity, just a reconfirmation that it exists. 

More of an issue though is that Roman isn't allowed an arc over the course of the novel. The man we meet on page 9 is precisely the same man we end with on page 308 — with the minor exception that he now has a partner in Neo and that, sadly, is a lesson he learns instantaneously. For the first half of the book, Myers sets up the expectation that learning to trust and, specifically, learning to trust someone like Neo is the great conflict that Roman will have to work though. He's very cynical in his own head, as we might expect: “On the streets, on your own. You only watched out for yourself. Anything else was a weakness. Anyone else was a liability” (14). No sooner is this perspective established than Roman is meeting people who challenge it. While babysitting the Malachite girls, they provide advice on how to improve his chances of pulling off heists: 

Melanie and Miltia, simultaneously: “You just need the right partner.” 

Roman: “Maybe. I just don’t believe anyone is going to watch out for me as much as I will” (41). 

After betraying Lil' Miss and fending off his peer Chameleon, she sadly announces that "you might have gotten what you wanted after all if you hadn’t been in it only for yourself. If you had allowed yourself to trust someone” (87). Myers isn't subtle about the theme here. 

Yet when Roman meets Neo, that trust is immediate, despite spending his entire life rejecting the idea of a partner, despite the viewer having just read about numerous other people who Roman spent years fighting beside and still didn't come to trust, Neo forms an instant, powerful connection with him — one that can't be explained by her saving his life when they first meet. Even Roman himself acknowledges that it's just another debt to repay. They simply click, with no explanation as to how that occurred, or even a serious acknowledgement that this is out of character for them both (what with Neo never having had a friend). Neo gives him the name "Neopolitan," knowing it's her true name now and, thus, a more personal offering than her birth name "Trivia." Roman gives her his entire life story during their first meal together. Roman also spends all of his money on Neo's modified parasol and at the novel's end continually offers to sacrifice himself so that Neo can escape. Neo thinks a lot about how Roman is the only one who can understand her through body language alone which, kudos to Myers again, he does describe her movements with enough clarity to sell that understanding (even if Roman does sometimes make leaps in logic that feel a little unlikely). “She really missed Roman. Most of the time she didn’t need to say anything and he knew exactly what she was thinking” (249). It's heartwarming. As someone who enjoyed their relationship in the webseires, this is likewise a joy to read. It's just that it... kinda came out of nowhere. 

Far from this just being an issue of Roman trusting when he's never trusted before, Myers sets up a conflict of loyalties in Neo that is then immediately dropped. She finds herself surprised by Lady Beat — the headmistress of the academy Neo attends — unexpectedly liking her insights and, in exchange for privacy and a more in-depth curriculum, agrees to help her capture Roman. Prior to this agreement, Neo considers helping the Malachite twins take Roman out when they corner him because then they might be Neo's friends instead of her bullies. That motivation makes perfect sense to me. Of course Neo would be more interested in assisting the two girls who attend school with her and improving her daily life over helping the random guy on the street, even if Roman's vulnerability (that's what Neo latches onto: a moment where his mask slips and he shows true fear) sways her towards helping him in the end. When she reunites with Roman later, he requests that she help him spy on Lady Beat... and Neo turns him down. So there's a very clear precedent here of Neo being out for herself, looking to improve her relationship with the other high society ladies she's spending most of her time with. The road to favoring Roman over them will be a long one. What will convince Neo to switch sides? 

Nothing. Soon after Neo thinks about how she's duping both Lady Beat and Roman (the reasoning there is never really explained) and from then on her focus is entirely on Roman, with likewise no explanation as to why she chose him in the end. “Roman clearly had some trust issues to work out, but Neo was going to prove to him that he could count on her” (219). Why this sudden desire to prove herself to Roman? No idea. The novel skips over the majority of their bonding. Yes, there are a few key scenes — Neo saving him, Roman giving her the parasol, etc. — but a single sentence reveals that Neo has been training with him for months now, bypassing the slow development of trust and Neo's changing thought process about what side she should choose. 

Or rather, there are explanations for Neo's decision, but they all occur after Neo has already chosen Roman. There are two major revelations that we're only told about much later in the novel: that Neo is suddenly dissatisfied with her life at school — “Neopolitan was having second thoughts. As much as life at the school had improved, more and more it felt like it wasn’t giving her what she needed” — and that Lady Beat is the head of a major spying conspiracy across all of Remnant (more on that later). Either one of these could have been the catalyst for Neo giving more attention to Roman and, eventually, growing quite close to him. A general dissatisfaction with her life, the revelation that Lady Beat isn't the kind of criminal Neo wants to support...either would work. As it is, her devotion to Roman seems to immerge randomly, fully formed and unshakable, with these ‘I guess the school and Lady Beat weren't that great after all’ justifications tacked on much later and, thus, presented as incidental to Neo's devotion. “[Roman] was basically the only thing that mattered to her in the world right now" is the conclusion Neo comes to without a lot of work put in to explain how he reached that point in her life (248). 

And I can see how this happened. We already know that Neo and Roman are a tight-knit duo from the webseries — Neo's love in particular has been emphasized since Volume Six — and so Myers banked on the reader applying that knowledge to the novel. He wrote the story of what Neo and Roman did prior to meeting, he wrote the story of their friendship prior to the webseries... but he didn't really write how that friendship came about. It's treated as a given, despite the huge number of reasons why that friendship should be rocky (or even non-existent) at the start, to say nothing of many fans' interest in getting an answer to the question, "How does an established villain who trusts no one wind up partnering with a girl a decade his junior?" The novel tells us that this unexpected outcome does, in fact, occur, rather than taking us through the journey of how such an outcome is possible. This is by no means a new problem in RWBY and, admittedly, Myers' depiction of the relationship isn't as noticeably a problem as some others in the webseries, simply by virtue of Neo and Roman being the focus of the novel and the reader knowing that they do, in fact, end up as partners. It's a lot easier to buy a shaky journey when you already know the inevitable conclusion, but that doesn't mean we couldn't have done a better job of showing it. 

Which, to get back to the original point of this section, means that Roman never has that arc about learning to trust someone. He just does trust, the moment Neo comes on the scene. Personally, I think this rapid-fire growth is particularly egregious given everything else we learn about Neo and Roman’s histories. Meaning, just like Roman's cynicism about trust is introduced early on, so is his hatred for the rich elite. In fact, Roman's poverty and the disdain that has bred are arguably the most prominent aspects that Myers added to his characterization. As seen in the novel's excerpt release, Roman's introduction is robbing a rich man coming out of a club where he shows more interest in humiliating and harming the man than just getting his stuff and running. Which, to be fair, isn't solely due to the man's status as a member of the elite. The novel develops both characters' sadist tendencies — “He’s vicious. He brutally beat a man just for his coat. He was having fun” (21) — but the man’s status isn't a non-factor either. Roman's internal thoughts say a lot about how stupid, rude, gullible, pathetic, and inept he thinks the rich are. At the start he's not just taking the man's coat because he likes it, but because he’ll need it to survive the Mistral winter, what with living in a shelter under a bridge and all. We learn that his obsession with survival is born of poverty — “Ma’am, when you don’t have anything, surviving is more. You’ve gotta start somewhere” (20) — and that Roman will go to any lengths just to meet his basic needs, potentially with a side of some comfort. For example, he knowingly risks his life by pissing off Lil' Miss just to get two days of food, baths, and a bed. As Roman puts it, those two days are worth it, even if it means the rest of his life is potentially forfeit. 

So this is a man driven by a desire to live in comfort, manifesting in a hatred of the rich that is so powerful Roman breaks the man's knee just for the hell of it. He's touchy about any comment on his upbringing too: "Roman froze. 'So that’s it. You think you’re better than me. Because you went to school? Learned a trade?'" (80). And, to be clear, this is a hatred of the high society rich. The kind of wealth that's never earned. Roman has a healthy respect for the well-fed crime bosses who have pushed their way to the top, just as he plans to. Not those living cushy lives at the expense of him and others. 

And wouldn't you know it, his partner to-be is a pampered little rich girl. 

"There's the conflict," I thought. "Roman doesn't just need to learn to trust, he's got to trust someone born into extreme luxury. How is that going to happen?" Well, again, it didn't. Neo and Roman's class difference is ignored for 99% of the novel, with the other 1% used for casual banter between them. It's not that Roman isn't aware of Neo's pedigree, so to speak. He finds her through the uniform she wears, the symbol of an academy that rich girls attend. When they share their first tea together, he notes how daintily she eats the sandwiches, more evidence that Neo has had manners drilled into her at a young age. When he finally gets confirmation that she's not just rich, but really rich — flying to her parents' mansion — Roman is just kinda moderately surprised, throwing in a comment about how someday that money will be hers and isn't that nice. Roman's hatred of the elite disappeared for Neo's sake, just like his trust issues did. There's no working through these differences, just an erasure of them so the novel can jump straight to them being the perfectly in synch duo we know from the webseries. 

As a side detail that I think demonstrates this imbalance rather well, hair is used as a marker of identity throughout the novel. Neo moves from being jealous that other girls are allowed to style their hair how they please, to making her hair entirely pink with her semblance, changing that to half brown instead, buying pink dye so she no longer needs to waste energy on something she wants to be permanent, and ending with her getting some white streaks even as she chooses to leave the name Vanille behind. Each change coincides with an aspect of her development and it works quite well. In contrast though, Roman has only setup, no follow through. Unlike the short cut we're used to in the series, Roman starts the novel with a long ponytail that characters frequently comment on. The twins steal his hat and beg to braid his hair when they're bored. Neo seems iffy about the style choice. A couple other side characters make vague references to imply that he should get rid of it — something, something it doesn't actually suit him. So surely we'll see Roman cut his hair sometime before the novel's end, visually representing his growth, just like Neo's changing color has represented hers (ending with a color mix that reflects neapolitan ice cream)? Nope. Not unless I missed it. The foundation for that change is there, but Myers never capitalizes on it, despite obviously knowing what he's doing with Neo. 

So if you want more Roman content, the kind of content we saw in the webseries, great. You'll love the novel. If you want to read about Roman undergoing any significant change, including a dive into how he came to trust Neo of all people, large chunks of that story are missing. In true RWBY fashion, there are plenty of details that allow readers to fill in the blanks for themselves, but the canon itself is, sadly, lacking. 

Part Two: Neo's Magical Identity 

We've established then that Neo gets the lion's share of the development and, frankly, most of it is good. Knowing she's set to become a villain, I loved reading the gradual move from understandably lashing out — Neo throws an umbrella at her father's face when he's being an emotionally abusive dick — to becoming just as stoically cruel as Roman — she launches a woman out of the back of a plane. Did she have a parachute? Who cares. There's a lot here to like about Neo's characterization, with Myers finding a nice balance between keeping her playful and not making her feel like a caricature (helped immensely by spending so much time in Neo's head). However, the one part that arguably fails is the development of Neo's semblance and, consequentially, her identity. 

To be clear, I absolutely get what Myers was going for and it's basically what I assumed was going on when I read the excerpt: Trivia (Neo's birth name) has an imaginary friend she calls Neopolitan and, over time, she realizes she is Neopolitan. The imaginary friend is who she wanted to be all along, not just the person she wanted to spend time with. I like it! Who among us hasn't imagined a badass, smooth-talking, beloved version of ourselves that impresses everyone with a Mary Sue-esque ease? (Or, if you haven't, guess I'm outing myself here lol.) It's a pretty relatable idea. Trivia imagines a girl with the power to dress how she wants, style her hair how she wants, with amazing acrobatic skills, a take-no-shit attitude, fun ideas to implement... but she also has Trivia's heterochromia and muteness. It's the perfect combination of Trivia's unique traits and the confidence/freedom she longs to have. Of course when given the chance she grows up to be Neo, even going so far as to take that name. It's what she always wanted. 

The only problem here is that in the RWBY world, Neo can't just be an imaginary friend. She's a manifestation of Trivia's semblance. As we learn later, the things Trivia creates are as real as real can be, provided she keeps up their existence. You can touch the wall. You can count the money. You can wear the clothes. They're less illusions than short-term creations — as Team RWBY realizes whenever they wind up attacking a Neo duplicate instead of the "real" thing — and that puts an odd spin on just how imaginary Neopolitan actually is. She's not imaginary at all. She's a real person that exists in the real world, it's just that this existence is temporary and dependent on Trivia's aura. 

The novel supports this by constantly writing Neopolitan as a distinct personality from Trivia. Not just the polished version of who she is slowly becoming, but an individual in her own right. Neo makes decisions that are fully her own, contrary to or even entirely unknown to Trivia. To highlight just a few examples: 

Trivia is unsure about sneaking out of the house so Neo "shoved her into the hall" (25). 

Neo "looked on jealously” as Trivia drinks a milkshake, implying a desire to have one and the knowledge that her current physicality doesn't allow for that. If she is Trivia, shouldn't she likewise be enjoying the shake? 

“She shot Neo a questioning look... before she realized what Neo had in mind” (92). Their thoughts are presented as separate and there's no instant mind-reading. 

Neo catches Trivia when she leaps out of a window, surprising her with the save. Trivia never planned for Neo to do that, Neo did it entirely on her own. 

There are lots of other instances like this, details that establish Neo has a person separate from Trivia (this confusion regarding their names should make that clear enough), no matter the fact that she's made out of aura. I mean, we've got Ozpin existing only as a soul in other's bodies. RWBY isn't exactly in a position to get nit-picky about personhood. More specifically though, Neo is presented as a bad influence on Trivia, an outside force enacting on her in harmful ways. Neo's introduction establishes her as the troublemaker to Trivia's more obedient personality: “But those were her parents’ rules, and Neopolitan never cared about those.... She bounced up and down on the cushions the way she wasn’t supposed to” with a “taunting smile” (2). Her father comments on this multiple times, saying that Trivia can't hide behind an imaginary friend. She's responsible for her decisions. And while yes, that's true, that level of responsibility changes when Trivia summons Neo into the world. During a fight with some other teens, they can suddenly see Neo and Neo, independent of Trivia, punches one in the face, making her nose bleed. That seems like a real person making her own, real decisions to me. So it was never Trivia doing things and then trying to foster responsibility off on an imagined cohort, it's a child bringing another, magically-based person into existence and being influenced by her since before the age of 8 (considering that Trivia and Neo have clearly been playing with each other for a long time when the novel starts). There's even a moment where Trivia seems to realize all this, acknowledging that sneaking out, breaking up her parents' party, causing a scene... all of it was Neo's idea. “That had to be Neo’s influence again. Trivia had to stay in control." 

But the idea of control is never actually explored. Despite establishing Neo's individuality and having Trivia comment on her influence, the second half of the novel abandons that for the expected, 'Trivia was Neo all along' reveal. There's a very strange moment where Trivia's mom slaps Neo, causing her to shatter and... that's it. “Neo had been so much more to Trivia. Now she was gone” (98). Neo is, apparently, gone for good, despite the fact that she should return the moment Trivia's aura does. Neo has been with Trivia since she was a small child, nearly her entire life and at least 7 years by this point in the novel, so why did a single slap send her away? That's not explained and, much like the ‘Why has Neo chosen Roman?’ question, the fact that Trivia did try to bring her back several times and failed is mentioned chapters after Neo's absence is presented as an inevitability. The order of events needs some reshuffling. 

Despite this confusion regarding why this change happened now, the explanation seems to be that Neo isn't really gone, Trivia has just realized for the first time that she is Neo. No need to summon up a separate person when you are that person and the novel, from then on, is peppered with constant reminders of this. 

“Trivia was on the verge of exhaustion, but she kept burning the last of her Aura to hold Neo together. To hold herself together” (96). 

Realizing she is Neo: “Trivia smiled. She took in a deep breath. She felt complete for the first time. She felt like herself” (99). 

“You must be Trivia,” the tall woman said. If I must, I must, Trivia thought (126).

“She wrinkled her nose. Her name still felt like a coat that didn’t fit right. She would need to tailor that, too” (153).

“Losing her friend was Trivia’s first step towards putting herself back together and embracing her true, best self” (152). 

“Wearing this [outfit], she almost, not quite, knew (or remembered?) who she was—not as a student or a daughter, but as Trivia Vanille," except the clothes are “the kind of thing Neopolitan would wear” (152-3). 

On not being able to summon Neo anymore: “She had realized that Neo was really just another aspect of herself” (175).

Though there’s also the occasional implication that she's not actually Neo, just someone highly influenced by her: “No, [fully pink hair was] too much of the other girl [Neopolitan]," so she settles on that half pink (Neo), half brown (Trivia) combo (153). 

As said at the start, it's a "twist" that works perfectly well... provided you ignore the magical elements and the amount of work done to establish Neopolitan as her own person, not just Trivia in a shiny, future glamour. Far from the empowering victory I expected to feel in watching Neo become who she always wanted to be, I found the whole situation to be somewhat tragic. Magic created a fully realized person who egged Trivia towards bad behavior since she was a young child, until Trivia comes to the decision that she should just embrace their personality 24/7. It felt less like the growth of a character into who they were meant to be and more like a manipulated kid taking the place of the person who used to exist alongside her — the only friend she ever had before Roman. Given that Neo is a villain, that's a pretty interesting idea for how the good girl goes bad... but it doesn't feel like Myers meant it that way. Rather, we're supposed to accept the simplest reading, that Neo was just a projection of Trivia's internal self, never-mind her individuality, her pressuring influence, her existence as something real in the world provided Trivia has aura. It's a much messier depiction of Neo's identity than that ‘She had an imaginary friend who she admired and eventually took her name’ setup. When magic is involved and a character's mind is creating fully realized people to stave off loneliness... that's a whole other kettle of fish. I don't actually want to delve into a psychological reading here — I simply don't have the expertise for that — but suffice to say, Neo's muteness might have been handled well, but there's a lot more to interrogate regarding her mental state and how much leeway we give to, ‘It's a fantasy series, just run with it.’ 

Part Three: You're Dodging Those Rumors, Clyde 

I admittedly am. Let's take a break from deep dives into characterization to instead tackle Roman Holiday's — undeserved — reputation. I get it. At this point the RWBY franchise is, frankly, a poster child for offensive content and workplace problems. In the last two years alone we've dealt with horrific crunch culture, sexual harassment allegations, an arguably glorified assisted suicide, bad comparisons to real life politics and dictatorships, a huge reversal on the show's disability stance, one subreddit banning another over criticism, a collective YouTube response to the fandom's behavior, iffy choices regarding Mother's Day merch, accusations of queerbaiting, a resurgence of using Monty's death to forward or dismiss arguments, continued worry over whether the bees will be made canonical next Volume... and honestly, that's just some of the big ticket subjects. RWBY's story, workplace, and fandom have a lot going on, much of it bad, so it's no surprise to me that people are primed to see the worst at every turn. Why wouldn't we be? At this point it's a pretty justified response. 

However, in this case it's unwarranted. Let's tackle Neo and Roman first. Yes, they're a decade apart in age and yes, there are some details that could, potentially, imply romantic interest on both sides. But they really are tiny and the novel confirms nothing. Indeed, the back of the book's summary says, "Just like every story, every friendship has a beginning..." So that's the focus here and all the ambiguous hints, importantly, happen after Neo is confirmed to be 18 years old. Roman takes her to a fancy tea shop only because he owes her. “It certainly wasn’t because he wanted to impress her or anything” (189). Neo blushes when he compliments her semblance. Twice Roman jokes “Don’t worry, it isn’t flowers” when Neo is opening up her parasol present (212). Neo also acknowledges Roman's looks at one point: “With his tousled orange hair, dressed like a street punk, he didn’t look much older than her. In fact, he was kind of cute” (184). The most intimate they get though is at the novel's end: “She leaned over and kissed Roman on the cheek. His face went red," though this is immediately followed by "It was fun to mess with him sometimes” (307). Honestly, the most overt "hint" towards a relationship is probably the title itself, a play on the 1953 romantic comedy Roman Holiday. But upon reading the novel, I think it's clear Myers chose that title only because Roman's name is, you know, Roman and the plot somewhat mirrors the idea of a reporter getting involved with a princess. Only in this case it's a criminal getting involved with a high society girl and "involved" just means a crime spree, not a romance. 

So is there something there? Maybe the start of something, if you're willing to read into it, but to me it comes across more like the two of them poking fun at social expectations — he's the guy so he "must" be getting the girl flowers; she's the girl so she "has" to kiss him on the cheek — rather than anything serious. Even if Myers had developed a relationship, Neo is both an adult and at least Ruby's current age, if not a year older, so if some fans want her to start a relationship with the 14-year-old farm boy housing her ancient headmaster, is a ten year age gap really where we're going to draw the line? I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable — frankly it makes me a bit uncomfortable too, more-so because of the difference in their life experiences (Neo is still a student, Roman a long-established criminal) than the actual gap itself — but we should be wary about when personal squicks turn into unfounded, "This is a sin!" purity culture. And for the purposes of this conversation, the point is that there is no relationship. If anything, Roman is just as aware of Neo's age as the reader is. He initially thinks he's looking at a “little girl” only to quickly realize “She was also older than her diminutive height suggested, maybe about the same age as the Malachite twins” (168). But, as we'll get to in just a sec, Roman very much treats the twins as the kids they are too. Roman even refers to Neo as a "kid" until she makes it known she dislikes it (183-4). He drops the term, but that doesn't mean the mindset disappeared. 

As for the twins, they're the only other minors that Roman spends time with. Lil' Miss instructs him to act as their body guard while in hiding, which means he spends over a week living with them. Frankly? I think it's a really wholesome part of the novel — or as wholesome as the villains can ever get. That's when the girls get bored enough to steal Roman's hat, toss it around a bit, and beg to braid his hair. Myers does a good job of balancing Roman's bad boy attitude with a clear indulgence for them. He doesn't actively like the twins (who does Roman like besides Neo?) and ends up orchestrating a ridiculous plot to get out of "babysitting" them (another indication that he's well aware that they're kids), but he doesn't wish them any real harm. He even cares about them in his own twisted, villainous way. We get to see a moment where Roman tries to convince the girls to escape from a grimm, leaving him behind. We might have been able to write that off as Roman just saving his own skin in the long run — Lil' Miss would kill him if any harm comes to her girls — but there's no need to fake comfort: “Roman squeezed Melanie’s hand reassuringly. He needed her and her sister to remain calm” (52). As one of the other goons observes, “You’re bluffing. It’s obvious that you care about [Miltia], which means you’re up to something” (51). Much later, Roman's thoughts confirm this when the girls are older, more powerful, and trying to kill him: “He’d had to endure their dance recitals when they were little. He’d clapped for them at gymnastic competitions. Now they were trying to do a number on him... He didn’t want to hurt the lil' brats, despite everything, but he couldn’t let them take him down” (166-7). Really, I like everything about this. I enjoy how this humanizes and complicates Roman without undermining his status as a villain. I like the loyalty to their mother it shows in the twins that they'd turn on a man who was so involved in their childhoods. It's just fun to read about a badass bad guy trying to manage bored pre-teens with superpowers and a crime boss mom. Their relationship isn't something I expected from the novel, but I'm glad we got it. There's nothing here to imply the twins are uncomfortable with Roman, or that Roman is inappropriate with them. Anyone who balks merely at the idea of a grown man, quote, "babysitting" two young girls is working from bias and bias alone. 

There is, however, one inappropriate comment made by a goon and an assumption made by Miltia, both of which Roman refutes. First, the goon asks if Melanie is Torchwick’s “new girlfriend” to which Roman responds, “You know who it is... She’s just a kid, big man” (47-48). Later on, we get

“Cute,” [Roman] said. 

“Flattery’s not going to work on me anymore,” Miltia said. 

“I was referring to your moves, not you” (158).

Now, we could drag Myers for including such "jokes" and misunderstandings to begin with, but that's why I mentioned the Yellow Trailer at the start of this review. It doesn't feel right to single Myers out for something Rooster Teeth has already embraced, especially when he's the one working to mirror their original product. Yang deliberately toys with Junior and Junior willingly goes in for the kiss. Jaune blushes at older moms eyeing him up at the crosswalk. Nora tells Ren not to look up her skirt in the middle of a deadly fight. Neo and Cinder both go to Atlas in scantily clad outfits because it's more important for the women to look sexy than it is for the show to stay consistent about the dangers of the tundra. Much of RWBY has that frat boy energy about it. I'd be shocked if nothing snuck its way into Myers' work too. But Roman the pedophile who ogles the twins and manipulates a kid Neo? That just doesn't exist. 

Part Four: Déjà Vu, Anyone? 

I dithered about whether to include this section, simply because I don't want anyone to misunderstand what I'm trying to say... yet at the same time, I'm not entirely sure how to articulate the problem I have here. Or if I'd even consider it a problem at all. In the end, "déjà vu" is the best term I can come up with. I'm not saying that Myers is lazy in regards to plot and choreography. I'm definitely not saying he's plagiarized. What I am saying — the only thing I'm saying — is that there were a lot of times during the novel where I went, "Okay, we've seen this before." Whether or not that's bad I'm... not sure. 

Let's start broad. When the excerpt dropped I mentioned that Neo's situation sounded pretty very to Weiss' and I stand by that claim. Actually, having read the novel now, I'd say it's a LOT like Weiss' story. Neo is the daughter of an incredibly wealthy family, suffering from an abusive father, a more loving but absent mother, whose only freedom stems from her semblance and combat abilities. Alright, let's dig deeper. Like Jacques, Jimmy's abuse is on full display for the viewer/reader. I could give you a laundry list of examples, but here are just a few: 

Jimmy is frequently described as barely controlling his anger around Neo, “there was rage behind his shadowed eyes,” etc. (4)

There are times when she is "suddenly afraid" of what her Papa will do to her (35).

When Neo is taken home by the cops, they reveal that they didn't even know that Jimmy Vanille had a daughter. That's how sequestered she's been.

He and his wife lock Neo in her room when they go out, which means that when she starts a fire she had no way to escape, no one to open the door for her, no way to call for help (her scroll is engulfed in the flames). Neo ends up chancing a fall from the window. 

He comes very near to hitting Neo at one point before backing down. 

Later he drugs her and, again, locks her in her room. 

As said, I could go on. There are a few inconstancies across the novel that, frankly, I've come to expect of Myers' work and RWBY in general, which I bring up now because it messes with the abuse plotline a bit. There's supposed to be a shocking moment when Jimmy grabs Neo tightly by the arms: "Trivia stepped back, appalled. Papa had yelled at her, punished her, even ignored her over the years, but he had never hurt her before” (97). Except she’s forgetting that, at the very start of the novel, Jimmy grabs her by the ankles, pulls her out from under the couch, and proceeds to shake her upside down while her hand bleeds. I'd say that's a pretty intense, physical interaction, making squeezing Neo's arms fail to have the impact Myers was looking for. Similarly, when Neo finally snaps and throws her parasol at her father's face, it's because “The things she had claimed for herself were just more stuff her parents had paid for," meaning, everything she stole on a shopping spree her father made sure to pay for twice over. It's not the ableism, abuse, isolation, and the like that Neo reacts to, even though she clearly struggles with those throughout the novel as a whole. So there are disconnects at times, but the point is this man is an abusive asshole to his daughter until she learns to literally fight back. Sound familiar? 

What particularly struck me was that both men have built their abuse around how the family is perceived. Both are obsessed with their image and how their daughter does or does not serve it. Jacques yelling at Weiss for speaking out about Beacon could be swapped with Jimmy yelling at Neo for not speaking at all. Jacques has maintained his wealth by exploiting the faunus in dust mines and getting in deep with criminals like Watts. Jimmy maintains his wealth by getting involved in illegal dust trades and getting in deep with criminals like the Xiongs. Both try to justify their actions in the name of perpetuating both that image and that wealth: “the things I have to do for that money” (5). Both lock their daughters in their room when they can't control them anymore. Both keep portraits in the hall that “showed her and her parents posing together as if they were a happy family,” a symbol of this familial deception (271).* Both have more compassionate, terrified, but ultimately enabling wives that, the story reveals, have secretly been spying on their husbands this whole time. Just as Willow set up all those cameras and gave the footage to Weiss, Carmel is using the camera in her pin to acquire information on Jimmy, with plans to use it to help Neo. By the time Neo's solution to the "What now?" question was to fly Roman back to her mansion and drink tea for a while Volume 8 style, complete with a Sun-Blake style shock that this is her house — sure you don't mean the tiny one behind it? — I was honestly wondering just how far we were going to stretch these parallels. I don't want to make it sound like these characters are identical (Carmel isn't an alcoholic for one thing)... but they share enough characteristics and distinct details to feel, well, a little weird. It also feeds the fandom's question, "Doesn't RWBY know any villain backstories except abuse?" 

*(As a side note, I initially thought the book's cover, showing a young Neo with two brown eyes, was a mistake. Turns out her parents had the painter get rid of her pink eye because they were ashamed of it, so kudos to the cover artist for keeping that consistent!) 

The similarities between Neo's backstory and Weiss' are absolutely the most obvious example here, but there were two other, smaller déjà vu moments I wanted to toss out, both involving combat. Myers has, at times, repeated fights almost exactly in order to cover two character's perspectives. I get the need to rehash plot in that manner, but he tends to focus on the exact same details back to back, making for a boring read. That incredibly nit-picky criticism aside, it means that I was already aware of combat moments that I'd seen before, not just in Roman Holiday, but RWBY in general. Does this description sound familiar to anyone? 

Neo hopped up lightly onto the broad blade. Rin tried to shake her off. Neo vaulted away just as the Huntress activated the flames, somersaulting over the Huntress. She planned to land behind her and whack her with her sword, but Rin turned and kicked high while Neo was still in the air. The Huntress’s foot connected with Neo’s stomach, knocking the wind out of her and knocking her clear across the room (199). 

If it's not familiar don't beat yourself up because it really is a minor similarity (and, in fairness, there's only so many ways you can write combat...). But take away the swords, replace them with a parasol and scythe, and you've basically got Ruby and Neo's interaction in Volume 8. Ruby tries to land a hit on Neo, she turns, kicks high while Ruby is still in the air, and she flies across the platform, knocking the wind out of her. We've also seen the 'Landing on a broadsword to get close to an enemy' bit with Tyrian and Qrow. But again: minor. What's a far less minor repeat of combat techniques is seen between Roman and Chameleon. Basically, Chameleon is Ilia, minus being a faunus and thus framing her abilities as a difference she's shunned for. Her semblance allows her to camouflage at will, giving her a major stealth advantage in a fight. Which means that when she goes after Roman, things get exponentially harder when the lights go out. But then it's better for Roman when a fire starts. He beats Chameleon and she helps him in the end because she's always been in love with him, even though Roman didn't love her back. If you're going, "Hey, that's the basic plot of Blake and Ilia's fight!" then yeah, me too.

It's not the whole novel. I don't want to make it sound like Roman Holiday is just a stitched together version of previous RWBY content because it's absolutely not. At the same time though, there were enough major similarities — and enough smaller ones that started standing out as a result — for me to raise an eyebrow. As said, I'm not entirely sure what to make of this eyebrow raising, or even if I want to label it a criticism at all. You all can decide what you think. 

Part Five: Wait, Now There's Not Enough RWBY? 

Yes, I contain multitudes and contradictions. As does this book. Even while Roman Holiday repeated some pretty familiar RWBY elements, there were times when the novel didn't feel very RWBY-ish at all. Part of the problem is that it lacks what's arguably the most crucial part of RWBY’s world building: battling grimm. Safe behind the walls of Mistral and Vale, we only see one grimm in the whole story, a captured Capivara that one of the crime lords uses to dispose of people who have displeased him. Roman and the twins barely get more than a few hits in before it escapes upstairs, leaving the kill to happen off screen (and why the grimm ran is another problem entirely. Again: we'll get to that). So although there are plenty of battles between people throughout the story, it doesn't feel quite like RWBY to me without the show's first and most significant antagonist. 

More than that though, Myers goes back and forth between emphasizing RWBY's unique, cultural elements and putting them aside entirely. When he's including them, it's great. We learn that there's an old saying “You can’t put the moon back together” which yeah, of course idioms would develop around the shattered moon (151). Honey Wine, a night club singer, paints her face with red dust as a symbol of both wealth and her dare-devil nature — one stray spark and the dust would ignite, blowing her and potentially the club up too. Yeah, of course people would come up with foolish, ridiculous ways to use this resource if they had it. During one of Neo's lessons, a passage for diction practice goes like this: 

The gruesome Grimm grew greedy. Get that greedy gruesome Grimm, Gregory. Go, Gregory, go. The greedy gruesome Grimme gorged Gregory. Good-bye, Gregory, Good-bye. The gory, greedy Grimm gave a gruesome grin (175).

Yeah, of course the elite would develop silly lessons using grimm as examples! We've got math problems about Johnny and his dish soap (yes, I'm quoting the Vine), so why wouldn't this world use grimm in the same way? Especially those who are rich and privileged enough to never encounter one. 

When it's good, it's good. When it's not... I don't want to take Myers to task for this because, in his defense, much of what makes the book feel generically modern has been seen in the show. Like computers. Or video games. Still, when these things are mentioned frequently it undermines the fantasy/sci-fi core, especially when Myers keeps the standard terminology. Why is a phone called a scroll, but a TV is still called a TV? Why are cops patrolling normal sounding malls with normal sounding guns? Neo sneaks out at one point and it struck me that, up until she uses her semblance against a bunch of bullies, there's nothing to distinguish this outing from a realistic portrayal of an average girl getting a milkshake. None of this is helped by the times when Myers slips on the terminology that is unique. Roman describes what he steals as "cash" rather than "lien" (105). One moment we're getting phrases like “She wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box," the next it's "or rob a convenience store for a six-pack of Dr. Piper” (44, 239). So is RWBY a world that has all the same products we do — crayons and TVs — a world that's different, but only because the author is making it different in a humorous way — Dr. Piper — or a place with a unique culture and history — scrolls, lien, shattered moon idioms? It's a challenge every fantasy writer has to face. Can you have a French braid in a world without France? Some will say no, others will bank on the reader's understanding that you can't change up every aspect of our language. You'll drive yourself nuts if you try. So I'm sympathetic, but it's nevertheless noticeable when Myers seems to remember that he's writing a fantasy world, tossing in "bullhead," "oh my Gods," and "thank the brothers" in a single scene, as if he’s making up for the whole chapters where that work is missing. Take out the grimm, take out semblances for a good chunk of the plot (since Roman doesn't have one), get iffy about the details... and you're left with a story that sometimes feels more generic Young Adult than it does RWBY. Enjoyable Young Adult, but a little lackluster in the world building all the same. This isn't a book where girls turn into rose pedals, lamps grant wishes, and teenagers fight giant mechs. This is a story where a guy uses a cane to beat people up, a girl uses illusions to shoplift, and the final confrontation is basically a shoot-out. Not bad by any means, just not the level of insane "The gun is also a gun!" nonsense that has become RWBY's brand. 

Part Six: Stupid Plots (and Strange Details) 

If Roman Holiday lacks a lot of that RWBY insanity, then that means nothing stupid and ridiculous happened, right? Lol of course not. The novel suffers from what I think of as the, "Well that's convenient" problem. In its immense defense though, it's nowhere near the level of, say, Amity suddenly being ready to go. The world's rules do not bend for Neo and Roman... they just wind up experiencing things that can test the reader's sense of disbelief at times. For example, how likely is it that two huntsmen will waltz into a bank in the middle of Roman robbing it? Very likely, apparently. Why not just have them respond to a silent alarm? Well, because of reasons we'll tackle in Part Seven, so we're left with the iffy coincidence of two trained professionals being at the right place at the right time to show the reader a fight. It's a fun fight though — love the use of dust in it — so we'll let that pass. After all, if coincidence serves the reader's entertainment, aren't they ultimately a good thing? 

Far more frustrating in my opinion is when disaster is illogically postponed and characters are written as incredibly stupid in order for a protagonist to get by. In this case, Neo. One of the major reveals of the novel is that her father has been stealing dust from the Xiongs and hiding it beneath Neo's bed. We're supposed to believe that a moment of Lil' Miss shooting into her room sets this volatile dust off, resulting in an explosion that kills both of Neo's parents (side note: she intended this), but the dust didn't blow up when Neo started a fire in said bedroom, a fire that then proceeded to consume the entire top floor? ...right. 

When Neo isn't conveniently surviving non-explosions, she's duping people left and right with her semblance, despite the fact that she, of course, can't speak. This trick becomes less and less convincing as the novel goes on. First, Neo drugs her tutor (that poor woman) and pretends to be her to escape the house, holding a one-sided conversation with her father as he walks her to the door. He finds nothing strange in this. Later, Neo sneaks back in by pretending to be her mother and though this time her father catches her, it's because “If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, it’s all in their eyes” (70). Not because, you know, his "wife" inexplicably won't respond to him verbally. Finally, Neo takes the place of Xiong, traveling with his assistant for over thirty minutes, and never once do any of the goons question what's going on with their suddenly mute boss. This includes interactions like Neo holding out her scroll and just staring until the assistant gets that she should follow the GPS, and the need to ignore the fact that Xiong, characterized as quite talkative throughout the novel, is suddenly quiet as a mouse. Neo's muteness should have been a severe limitation on her ability to masquerade as others, not something the story outright ignores in an effort to move the plot along. 

The novel is peppered with such coincidences, small inconsistencies, and just downright strange details. Roman notes that the police haven't arrived to his robbery yet, only for the next sentence to say they were swarming in. Later he "pulled on his bonds, testing whether he could slide one of his hands free, but he’d been tied up real good” but then again, a few sentences later, “He craned his neck to try to look out the front window. He managed to unbuckle his seat and hop to the front” (259). Like forgetting how rough her father has been in the past, Trivia bemoans the fact that she can't wear anything that Neo would, something in pink and white, for example, forgetting that her former "adventuring outfit" consisted of a white tank-top and white sneakers with pink hearts (26).* She also claims that the Roman illusion she sends running from the twins is her first long-distance use of her semblance, even though she just got done recalling the time she created a butterfly and watched it fly until it was "out of sight" (170). The novel writes out Neo's texting as dialogue even when someone else isn't speaking it aloud — something I initially made a note to praise it for. This is her version of "talking" after all — only for the texts to suddenly become bolded halfway through the book. As for strange details, Myers seems to like giving his antagonists a lumpy food to indulge in — Lil' Miss forces Roman to eat her cottage cheese, Xiong oatmeal with the consistency of cement — and Roman, quite oddly, decides to cover his spider tattoo with a grinning pumpkin. (Were they a thing in A Clockwork Orange? It's been years since I read it...) Neo learns to fly a plan by watching Xiong's assistant start it up and then, I kid you not, pulling up a How To article. Perhaps my favorite bit though is when Roman reveals his master plan to gain a monopoly on Vale's coffee industry and successfully does so by attacking one (1) warehouse. This is treated with the utmost seriousness. 

*(Second side note: the color brown is tied closely to Neo's backstory; to the person her parents wanted Trivia to be. She has her brown hair, only one brown eye, is introduced in a brown dress, wears a brown blazer and pants that her parents bought, and attends Lady Browning’s Preparatory Academy for Girls, the school meant to turn her into a 'real' lady.) 

That last bit though, the coffee heist, feeds into my biggest problem with the book's plot. @superzerokarasu​ and I have been talking about this the last two days, acknowledging it as one of the book's bigger flaws. (And, Superzerokarasu, if tumblr actually tags you, feel free to ignore this absolutely massive wall of text. I just wanted to give credit for the conversations 👍). Basically, towards the end of the novel it is, quite randomly, revealed that there is an important Room at the academy. Important enough that the story capitalizes it — that's not my doing. We haven't heard at thing about this Room before but Neo, apparently, has been trying to sneak into it for weeks. She knows Lady Beat is hiding something in there. Did we know this, especially since we've spent half the novel in Neo's head? Nope! No sooner has this mystery been introduced than Neo is solving it, much like how the group solves the problem of using Ambrosius moments after his rules are explained. Neo throws up an illusion of an empty hallway, picks the lock on the door, and discovers that Lady Beat has been spying on everyone who ever attended her school through the small pins students and graduates wear. This means she has access to private information about important people all over Remnant. Shocking! Neo reacts to this discovery by tearing the hard drive loose, there are some confusing suggestions about how this information will save them from Lil' Miss and Xiong, and then Roman sends the information to a news station, revealing all. Thus ends the world-wide conspiracy we just found out about. 

It's muddied. It's ridiculous. It, most importantly, comes out of nowhere. There's absolutely no buildup to this mystery, just a sudden announcement that it exists and, wouldn't you know, here's the conclusion. Superzerokarasu is correct that this problem could be solved by increasing the academy sections and fleshing this mystery out. I'm of the opinion that it could also be solved by eliminating it entirely. Why in the world do Roman and Neo need to grapple with a world-changing reveal, especially when the rest of the novel is so tame? Roman shakes money down from other small-time crooks. Neo learns diction and combat at school. Roman leaves the Kingdom to avoid Lil' Miss. Neo sneaks out of the house and goes on shopping sprees. She saves him from a street fight, he takes her out to tea, they proceed to rob convenience stores. Their conflicts take place on such a small scale that this conspiracy plot feels ridiculous compared to the rest of the novel, even if it did have better setup. In contrast, their big coffee heist likewise feels ridiculous for how small it is. As a duo (not Neo as an individual, now that she's involved with the Relics and such), they operate in a pretty specific niche of small crimes conducted for villains with large plans. Given the number of times the novel brought up that Roman should start stealing dust, I foolishly thought that the novel would conclude with them stealing dust. Why coffee? Why conspiracies? Why shootouts between two crime bosses on Neo's front lawn? Let them pull off an epic dust heist together, tying it back to Neo's family since her father is already neck-deep in the illegal dust trade, all of it setting up the characters we'll meet in the webseries: street crooks now stealing dust for Cinder. That's their specialty. Why not start that specialty here? 

Instead we get a bunch of hurried plot points that, of course, will have no bearing on the first eight volumes of the webseries. Which brings us to... 

Part Seven: Roman Holiday's Impact on RWBY

Quite obviously, this isn't a novel that exists in a vacuum. Roman Holiday, given that it is presented as an official Rooster Teeth product, is likewise meant to fit into the already established canon. This has been a challenge for Rooster Teeth in the past — important lore winding up in card games, mischaracterization in other novels, worry about how the upcoming game will re-tell events we've already seen — but has Roman Holiday perpetuated that trend?  

Well, yes and no. Which is never a particularly satisfying answer, but in this case there are both aspects that are working and aspects that aren't. Let's tackle the good first. 

Myers includes a lot of details throughout the story that help fill in RWBY's gaps. In this case, it's not information the viewer should have gotten in the webseries in order to have a complete understanding of the situation, but rather things that simply help connect the two works together, adding depth to what we already know. For example, there are those before mentioned times when characters suggest that Roman start stealing dust. “You aren’t the first person to suggest that. Maybe I should look into that...” (216). I do think it's a missed opportunity not to make a dust heist the climax of the story, but that doesn't erase the fact that this still functions as excellent setup for the webseries' premiere. We know RWBY opens on Roman robbing a dust shop. Now we have a better sense of how and why he got into that line of criminal work. 

We likewise get to see the origins of Neo's parasol, not just how she got it (Roman), but also what led her to wanting that kind of weapon in the first place (struggling with the heaviness of swords, getting attached to a parasol she stole, impulsively using it to attack her father, escaping the fire with it and realizing that the ability to float from high places is an asset). Something else I particularly like is that Myers was careful to explain how Neo became so adept at fighting. According to the webseries, there are only three paths you can take: go to combat school like Ruby, live on the streets like Roman, or live outside the Kingdoms like Blake. Neo, as a rich girl kept within high society, doesn't fit any of those models, so Myers introduces an Academy that seeks to train young women for any eventuality, even an attack. Neo learns how to smile, sew, cook, courtesy... while also taking classes in acrobatics, combat, ballet, and fencing. All the girls train with a combat instructor — “I know this isn’t a combat school, but by the time we’re done, you will be as skilled as any Huntress in Remnant” (201) — and, not only that, but she undergoes some pretty intense testing. Balance is taught by “balancing on a tightrope twenty feet in the air, with no net below you. Lady Beat believed in ‘though love’—without the love part” (146). It's a teaching method that makes Ozpin's cliff test seem a little less insane and it highlights one of those fantasy elements of RWBY. When your students possess aura that can save them from a twenty foot fall, it's slightly more reasonable to include that as a challenge. So when Neo starts following Roman around, it doesn't feel off that she can keep up with him. She's been trained, has practiced her semblance alone, and gets additional tutoring from Roman himself. Myers neatly dodges the question of how a non-Huntress and such a privileged girl — unlike Nora or Cinder — became to be as talented as Neo is. Privilege actually bought her that knowledge, which Neo then combines with Roman's street smarts, making her the formidable fighter we know and love.  

However, for every nice tether there is between Roman Holiday and RWBY there's a moment of worldbuilding that messes with our sense of the webseries. Or at least raises some pretty big concerns. 

Given that we just came off of Volume 8, it's no surprise that I read the novel with an eye for hints about how these future events — the destruction of Atlas, evacuees in Vacuo — might impact the rest of Remnant. What Myers gave us... doesn't look good for RWBYJNOR's decision, or the theme Rooster Teeth was going for in Volume 8. Meaning, the show took on a very black and white view by the end of the Atlas arc. Ironwood is an irredeemable bad guy, Atlas is full of racist trash and deserves to sink, the heroes made the best decision possible given the circumstances. Myers' novel introduces some nuance that, sadly, doesn't serve that black and white view well. He describes Mistral as, frankly, suffering the exact same problems as Atlas. “The city elevator didn’t come down this far, to keep more of a buffer between the haves and the have nots... people at the base of the mountain had no business topside” (10-11). Sounds like the sort of divide between Mantle and Atlas, huh? With the exception that one elite is stationed on top of a mountain instead of a floating city. It's a class issue Neo confirms as a kid when she sneaks out to the lower districts, thinking that, "she was never, ever allowed out alone. ‘For your own safety,’ they said” (25). Rich, racist elites who think themselves better than everyone else isn't an Atlas problem, it's a Remnant problem. RWBYJNOR solved nothing by leaving the place behind (and having one citizen hold hands with a faunus) and the fact that the story acts as if things are better now that Atlesians can’t have picnics on a floating city is... a problem. We already knew RWBY struggles with its racism and classism themes, but moments like this continue to add fuel to the wildfire. 

Similarly, the novel spends a not insignificant amount of time referencing Atlas as the technological capital of their world. We knew that already too, but hammering it home now, post-Volume 8, emphasizes the damage the group has done. No Atlas, no technology. Pretty much any technology, given how often it’s said to come directly from Atlas, or cloned from Atlas originals. 

Regarding the evacuation, Myers gives us a moment where Roman outright rejects Vacuo as a place to escape to: “Vacuo was a good place to hide, but the desert was probably one of the few fates worse than Lil’ Miss. And while there was a thriving criminal element, it wouldn’t be particularly welcoming to a newcomer. There was no future for Roman there” (88). So the desert is a fate worse than a crime boss and Vacuans are so unwelcoming one individual won't risk going there... and now our heroes have dumped an undetermined number of evacuees in that desert, heading towards a Kingdom that doesn't want them. Obviously Myers needs to come up with a reason for why Roman ends up in Vale where Neo is, but doing it this way just highlights so many of Volume 8's problems. Specifically, that the group made such a world-altering decision when it arguably was no longer necessary and, more importantly, did so without once considering the consequences that seem obvious to everyone else in Remnant. Vacuo is the last place anyone wants to escape to... so why was that the heroes' first choice? "Because the show hasn't gone there yet" isn't an answer. 

There are a couple smaller problems throughout — muddying the waters between semblances and magic again; emphasizing how many people unlock their semblances as kid and rely on their aura to get by, bringing up the question (again) of how Jaune was so ignorant — but I just want to cover two more issues here. 

The first is what I mentioned above about the one grimm the novel has. Suffice to say, the grimm ignores the three fighters in front of it (Roman and the twins) and runs off because... well...

“Grimm are drawn by emotion. You never controlled it. It killed your enemies because most people you drop in here are going to be afraid. They won’t be able to fight back. But as far as I can tell, these girls don’t feel anything. And I’m not afraid to die... Anger can be a more powerful emotion than fear” (54-5).”

Let's tally up the problems with this speech: 

The idea that Roman experiences no fear despite being cornered by a massive grimm, in a tiny room, in enemy territory 

The idea that an ability to fight back increases the chance of the grimm running off to pick other targets (if that were the case, the group would never finish any fights) 

Claiming that they're also left alone because the twins "don't feel anything" which is obviously ridiculous  

Reframing Roman's lack of fear into, specifically, not fearing death. Again, a grimm doesn't care whether you fear death or no

Saying that the anger of the boss all the way up in his office is a stronger draw than the three people currently attacking the grimm

It's just a lot of nonsense, bending one of RWBY's most basic rules to give Roman a cool-sounding speech. Cool provided you ignore what the speech is actually implying, that is. Why bother with this? Just let the grimm break down the door halfway through the fight, moving the fight into a new space with new people causes chaos, Roman either escapes then, or he kills the grimm first and escapes afterwards. Better, in my opinion, to give the story a single grimm kill than introduce a bunch of philosophical complications about how much these characters definitely don't feel fear and one man's anger is suddenly a grimm magnet. It's just a strange scene and, looking back, the only scene where I really went, "What?" As evidenced by this entire review, I have problems with certain aspects of the novel, but none actively made me question what in the world Myers was trying to accomplish. This moment is the exception. 

Finally, I'd like to briefly mention the ways in which Roman Holiday messes with our understanding of the huntsmen profession. Again, this is nothing new. From Blake and Yang shrugging off Adam's death, to Weiss asking if she can arrest her father, the true purpose of the job seems vague, especially when you toss in what they're legally allowed to get away with. At first, the novel seems to support the idea that huntsmen are responsible for defending the people from both grimm and criminals, especially in the cities where walls do most of the work of keeping grimm out. Roman worries that huntsmen will show up to put a stop to his robbery, there's a bounty for him “posted on all the Huntsmen job boards," and then, later, two huntsmen do show up to his bank heist and try to stop him — that coincidental timing (176). "It’s kind of refreshing to fight a bad guy instead of a Grimm for a change," says one, implying that their primary focus will always be grimm, but they're also not going to ignore criminal activity. I get that. I buy that. It fits with what else we've learned about the job from the webseries: students attend school specifically to learn how to fight grimm, but they're capable — and expected — to use those skills for the people's benefit, no matter what form that comes in. Hence, jobs like Jaune acting as a crossing guard. It works.

....Aaaand then Myers blows that understanding right out of the water. 

“[The huntsmen are] being fined for destruction of public property and reckless endangerment. This isn’t the first time they’ve been reprimanded for using excessive force and gross misconduct. The Vale Huntsmen Guild reportedly is considering suspending their licenses (118).” 

So wait, never mind, apparently huntsmen aren't supposed to stop bank robberies that they walk in on. Or at least, they're not supposed to stop them using "excessive force" and resulting in the "destruction of public property." Problem is, there's no way to battle another fighter of Roman's skill without doing property damage and, potentially, putting civilians in danger. The strength of Yang's punch blows small craters into the floor. Weiss uses dust that causes minor explosions. Ruby swings her scythe in such large arcs she could easily hit someone if she's not paying attention. Within the context of RWBY's powers, the huntsmen here didn't use "excessive force" because aura, semblances, dust, and insane weaponry are all staples of combat. So... what are they meant to do instead? Find out if Roman is just a normal dude and, if he's not, back out like, "Oh sorry. We can't fight someone our equal because that would require, you know, fighting. We'll wait for the police to capture you. They'll have a much better time without training, semblances, or any other combat resources, I'm sure..." 

This single excerpt sends us right back into the "Huh?" territory. What are a huntsmen's responsibilities then? What are they legally allowed to do? And why are these expectations so inconsistent across the franchise? I know the answer here is that the group was pardoned by Ironwood, but it still seems absurd that we watched them steal military property, attack an official, cause a major grimm attack, and actively hide from the authorities... and all that's presented as fine. But trying to stop the guy currently robbing a bank? Well, that’s a suspendable offense. And we know this was taken seriously because Roman runs into one of the huntsmen later, a Roch Szalt, and we learn that his license wasn't just suspended, he lost it entirely. These side characters are out of their livelihood for defending the people while RWBYJNOR gained licenses for endangering them. There's something fundamentally wrong with your world building when your protagonists primarily get by on such massive inconsistencies. 

Part Eight: The Last Section, I Swear

This is another aspect of the novel that I really hesitated over including, just because I do think there's a line between legit criticism and unkind nit-picking. In the end though, enough of a trend emerged that I thought I'd toss it out, especially since I've recently been pondering the question, "How does RWBY treat its women?" The answer should be obvious, right? This is a show about four girls fighting evil! Yet as the webseries continues, fans are noticing more and more divergences from that initial premise. Like creating a world where women are almost never in the primary positions of power. Like giving Jaune and Oscar the active, plot-forwarding scenes that should belong to Ruby and her team. Like that frat boy mentality I mentioned earlier on. The purpose here isn't to analyze that aspect of the webseries, I simply wanted to lay out where my thoughts were while reading Roman Holiday. 

The disclaimer? Neo is great. The strange intersection between her identity and her semblance aside, I think she's entertaining, well-rounded, and the fact that she is given not just half the book's chapters, but that focus mentioned in Part One, resulted in a well-developed character. However, outside of Neo the women are frustratingly built around the same thing: sex appeal. Honey Wine is the club singer whose semblance lowers customers' inhabitations, acting like a Remnant version of a siren. The twins — despite those pedophilia rumors about Roman proving unfounded — are the butt of girlfriend/"You're cute" jokes, drawing attention to their developing looks more than their combat skills, strategies, etc. Both Lady Beat and Carmel, Neo's mom, possess that older woman charm expected of high society ladies. They're dangerous because they can acquire information and they acquire that information by looking the part: pretty smiles, fine clothes, figures that catch the eye. Even Lil' Miss, an established character with a lot of power at her fingertips, isn't exempt from this. When Roman first meets her he observes that fashion is clearly a part of her strategic mind, “a plunging neckline and purple corset distracted Roman even more” (19). Distracted, meaning, that Lil' Miss deliberately makes herself look hot so all the straight guys will lose their heads. 

It's a bit more heavy-handed than just some over-used archetypes though, particularly when it comes to making Roman the guy that every girl wants — even when that's just him assuming they want him. Lil' Miss, again, suffers that treatment. “'Is she flirting?' he suddenly wondered. He hadn’t ever considered that she might like him, but if that was the case, he could use that to—” (57). In a similar situation played straight Chameleon, Roman's peer, is introduced with the statement that “She considered him a friend, and plainly wanted more than that" so Roman "continued to string her along” (45). It's that Ilia/Blake dynamic, just with added cruelty and a gender setup that carries completely different implications. Even the minor characters aren't safe from Roman's charms. Lisa Lavender — you know, Remnant's reporter? — receives flowers from Roman after she labels his robbery “one of the most brazen displays of lawlessness” she's ever seen (117). It's not presented as the villain being creepy though. When Roman contacts Lisa directly, we're given a verbal joke about her maybe interest. She loves... the ratings he brings in. Just the ratings. Of course. 

It's worth noting that Chameleon isn't just reduced to a silly crush whose love allows Roman to escape, she's also the character who "has" to be naked in order to make the most of her semblance. Despite writing in an Atlas cape that blends into various backgrounds, Myers still emphasizes the absolute necessity of this woman fighting naked: 

“She didn’t wear much clothing these days, both because it thwarted her natural camouflaging abilities, and because when she chose to show herself, it could be quite distracting... she stripped for added stealth—it wouldn’t be the first time” (81, 85). 

It's a writing choice that I personally despise. And make no mistake, it is a choice. In a world with magical abilities and futuristic tech, there's no reason to make the presumably young woman — we're never given an age, but Chameleon is written to be particularly naïve — getting naked in front of others, especially a man that is stringing her along. Clothes only "thwart" a magical ability when the author says it does. Why can't semblances make outfits camouflage too? Because then there wouldn't be an excuse for the hot women to strip. 

Particularly for more important characters like Lil' Miss or Lady Beat, these aspects are not the sum total of their characters... but there's enough there to be wince-worthy if you're already sick of such trends; already keeping an eye out for what RWBY writes in regards to gender. I think a good way to summarize Roman Holiday's idea of feminism is when Neo is staking out a coffee shop and Roman asks her to bring him a coffee when she comes back. She returns with an empty cup reading, "Get your own coffee." It's clearly meant to be this empowering moment — how dare the man ask for food like she's some servant! — except it's ruined by the context of the situation. Namely, that Neo is already at a coffee shop. And Roman isn't rude about asking for one. And they've already traded presents in the form of a crazy expensive parasol for her and a new hat for him. Asking your crime partner, who just happens to be a women, to pick up a coffee on her way home when it’s clearly not a hassle, is not the outdated insult Myers seems to think it is. And that's what a lot of these choices are: details that don't break the novel by any means, but come across as out of touch none-the-less. 

Part Nine: The End (Okay, This is the Final Section) 

The novel concludes with Roman and Neo flying off together, avoiding the authorities, nothing they have to do except "set the world on fire" (208). It's a rather bittersweet ending given Neo's certainty that no one will ever catch them because we know, eventually, Roman will die and Neo will be left alone. I quite like ending things on that optimistic note, both because it fits their current mindsets and because it adds that extra, emotional punch for the reader. Their story isn't done... but it will be soon. 

And thus ends my review as well! Review? Analysis? Little mix of both, I suppose. Hardly the most succinct thing I've ever written, but what did anyone expect. Final thoughts? I still liked the novel. Despite everything above — despite re-wading through eight major problems I had with the text, ranging from minor preferences to arguably massive mistakes — my overall takeaway remains, "I'm glad I read it." It's been a long time since I actively enjoyed a RWBY story; where my entertainment and appreciation of the writing outweighed the problems I had with it. I know I'm far from the only one currently dissatisfied with the canon, so if you're looking to re-ignite some of that old, RWBY spark? Give Roman Holiday a try. 

And, of course, thank you for reading! 💜

[thelibrarbian]

Rating: T

Chapter word count: 3249

Read on Ao3

or below the cut:

Papyrus was well aware that his lessons with Captain Undyne did not include every aspect of the training a future Royal Guardsman should receive. There was, as far as Papyrus was aware, usually more emphasis on fighting humans and less on cooking pasta, for instance. But the chapter on first aid was a section that she had taken him through in detail, and he was very grateful for that right now.

To be quite honest, he was somewhat surprised by his own knowledge of skeletal anatomy and medicine; he was reasonably sure that not all of it came from Undyne's lessons, but he couldn't remember where else he had learned it. He didn't dwell on it, though - he had probably just read a book at some point and then forgotten about it, or it was simply instinct from being a skeleton monster himself - it only meant that he was even better equipped to take care of the unconscious monster on his living room floor, even if he hadn't realized the extent of his own greatness before.

He couldn't say he felt particularly Great, though.

Fell might have been no longer in danger of dusting, but actually healing his wounds proved much more difficult than it should have been. Not only did attacks deal more damage the more harming intent went into them, it also made them harder to heal - and what Papyrus could feel lingering where Fell had been hit was outright murderous. Healing it wasn't impossible, most certainly not impossible for the Great Papyrus, but if he had hoped to fully mend any of the broken bones right there and then, that was very clearly not happening. The most he could do was to ease some of the pain and encourage Fell's natural healing to do its job perhaps a little faster.

Well! That was a minor setback, but no matter! They could still patch Fell up the regular way, and everything would be fine. And while Sans couldn't assist with healing magic, Papyrus was very glad for the extra hands.

It took longer than he would have liked to admit, but eventually they had cleaned all the wounds, set and splinted the breaks, and wrapped what felt like the majority of Fell's body in bandages. Fell never stirred throughout it all, and Papyrus decided to be glad that he was sleeping through what could not be a pleasant experience from his end if he was conscious. The alternative train of thought that his unresponsiveness prompted was not one that Papyrus wanted to follow.

If Papyrus was perfectly honest, it surprised him a little just how eager his brother was to help. Not that he thought Sans would refuse to assist a monster in need, of course not, but... For reasons that Papyrus didn't entirely understand, Sans and Fell… did not usually get along particularly well, to put it lightly. Yet now it was only on Papyrus' insistence that yes, he really was able to handle everything else on his own that Sans eventually left the injured monster's side, taking Red upstairs with him to let him sleep on a proper (albeit ketchup-stained) mattress.

Papyrus would have preferred to move Fell to a bed as well so he could rest better, but the thought of carrying him up the stairs in this state seemed daunting. Of course, it wasn't that he didn't trust his ability to maneuver a badly injured skeleton through the house, who was probably going to dust if Papyrus accidentally dropped him, or knocked his head against a doorframe, or jostled him just a little bit too much… But there was also now an unoccupied, reasonably comfortable couch only two steps away, and lifting Fell onto that did not come with nearly the same potential for highly unlikely fatal accidents.

He was exceedingly careful as he looped his arms under Fell's shoulders and legs and lifted him up, using a bit of blue magic to make the move go more smoothly for his alternate and avoid aggravating his injuries. Once he had double checked and triple checked and quadruple checked that Fell's HP really was stable now and would remain that way even if Papyrus left his side for a moment, he darted around the house, picked up any additional pillows from the other rooms (excluding Sans' room because he was not going to subject Fell to the ketchup stains he would inevitably find on his brother's pillows - and besides, Red was probably using those), and rushed back to the couch. He carefully arranged Fell a little more comfortably, supporting his upper body with pillows, making sure there was no pressure on his injured ribs, and draping a blanket over him. And then another, because Fell's state called for more than one blanket.

Finally, he brought a chair from the kitchen and sat down next to the couch, reaching over to lightly rest his hand on Fell's broken leg and continue to channel a slow, but steady stream of healing magic into him. It may not have been helping much, but Papyrus had enough magic at his disposal to keep this up for the rest of the night. And probably the next morning as well.

It was more disturbing than he wanted to admit, seeing his alternate so still in the pile of pillows and blankets. A few months had passed since their universes had crossed paths for the first time, but they had remained in somewhat regular contact since then - mostly due to Papyrus' own insistence to invite their rougher counterparts to a biweekly cross-universal skeleton game and movie night. And as much as Fell kept grumbling about those meetings and adamantly refused to host one in his own world, neither he nor Red had missed a single one so far.

Still, as much as Papyrus would like to, he didn't think he was allowed to call his alternate a friend yet. Red and Sans got along well, exchanging puns and knock-knock jokes and generally bonding over their terrible sense of humor, much to Papyrus' chagrin.

Fell was a different matter.

His grumbling may have noticeably decreased since their first meeting, but Papyrus suspected that he thought of the get-togethers more as strategic missions for potential cross-universal allyships rather than socializing. While Red, just like Sans, easily kept up a friendly (and pun-filled) conversation without sharing anything consequential, Fell made no pretense of always keeping the two of them at a metaphorical arm's length, always politely, but firmly turning down any of Papyrus’ suggestions to stay for longer than initially agreed. (Which, in turn, had led Sans to certain comments about sticks and pelvic cavities.) The few times Papyrus had seen his counterpart soften, for lack of a better word, was when the topic of conversation turned to either cooking or his cat, and those moments never lasted long before his carefully kept mask slid back into place.

Papyrus didn't take it personally, of course! Their rougher counterparts just weren't the kind of monsters to make friends easily, and with what Papyrus knew about the 'kill or be killed' universe they came from, he couldn’t expect them to be. It was simply going to be a challenge to earn their trust and friendship, and the Great Papyrus wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.

The Great Papyrus also wasn’t one to doubt his chances of success with that particular challenge. He wasn’t one to linger on how long his friend quantity had remained stagnant despite his best efforts, or on the fact that, while he himself had just barely obtained a semi-official job as a sentry, Fell had climbed up through the ranks of his own Royal Guard in record time…

Fell, who was now not only a full member of the Royal Guard, but the second-in-command, outranked only by Captain Undyne and the King himself. Who, if Red was to be believed, was single-handedly responsible for turning the previously lawless town of Snowdin into one of the safest places in his version of the Underground. Whose name was feared and respected from Snowdin all the way to the capital.

Fell… was not supposed to look this small.

He had still shown no sign of movement other than his shallow breathing. His face, the only part of him not covered in blankets, was pale, even for a skull, devoid of the faint glow of magic that was usually the sign of a healthy skeleton monster.

Papyrus swallowed dryly and increased the flow of his healing magic.

He very decisively did not think about what could have happened if Red had been held up, or if Fell had taken any more hits, or if Papyrus' magic hadn't been strong enough to stop the bleeding in time. Worrying too much wasn't helping anything right now. Besides, Red was going to do enough worrying for all of them combined once he woke up, whether he would show it or not, and apparently, there was a good chance that Sans would be joining him. So all the worrying in this house was already more than taken care of, and Papyrus didn't also need to think about things that hadn't happened, or question whether Fell remaining unconscious was to be expected with the severity of his injuries or whether it was a sign that he was- Yes, no, that was exactly what Papyrus was not thinking about.

In the same line of not-thinking, he really hoped that Red was alright.

With a sigh, Papyrus let his healing magic fade out. He needed to refocus. He sat up straight, stretching his arms and back until his spine popped; bending over his alternate like this wasn't the most comfortable position to keep for long periods of time, he realized. Not that it mattered - he would gladly take some minor discomfort if it helped Fell recover.

As quietly as possible, he scooted the chair over so he could better reach his alternate’s ribcage. But before he could even touch him, a faint noise, softer than what he would have expected, came from the end of the couch, and Papyrus' gaze darted over immediately.

Fell's head was turned towards him, his eye sockets were open, and he was staring at Papyrus with an unreadable expression.

Papyrus' shoulders sagged with relief. "Oh, thank the stars you're awake! You had me worried there for a moment - not that I thought that someone as Great and Terrible as yourself could be kept down by anything at all, of course, what a ridiculous idea!" He gave a small and very much not nervous laugh. "But, I am rambling when I should instead be asking: How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Are you comfortable, or should I get more pillows?"

Fell gave no response, which, Papyrus could somewhat understand. That had probably been at least two questions too many for someone who didn't look like he was entirely awake yet.

"How are you feeling?" he repeated, fidgeting slightly with his hands and successfully stopping himself from continuing to ramble this time.

Fell still gave no response, although he stopped staring at Papyrus, his eye lights dim and unfocused as they scanned the room. Then, with a grunt of effort, he pushed himself up onto his elbows, looking as if he was fully intending to get up.

Papyrus gave a noise of alarm and quickly reached out to stop him. "Oh, no, I believe that is not a good idea at this moment! You might hurt yourself - I mean, worse than you already - well…"

Fell let himself be guided back into the cushions without any resistance, and that was somehow more alarming than his attempt to get up in the first place. Papyrus was certain that, in any other instance, his alternate would have snapped at him for the mere suggestion that he should lie back down, and if Papyrus hadn't been concerned before, he certainly was now.

Trying his best not to let his worry show, he lightly patted Fell's shoulder and carefully tugged the blankets back up. "There you go, that's better! You just try to rest, and let us take care of everything else! I can even read you a book to help you relax, that usually works for me - although I do not know if you would enjoy Fluffy Bunny. Maybe 'A History of Puzzles'? Or maybe not, if it's too interesting to fall asleep to, that won't do, either!"

He paused his chatter to give his counterpart a closer look. Despite leaning back into the pillows again, Fell still looked tense, dim eye lights darting back and forth as if looking for something. Or searching the room for possible threats. Or both.

"Sans?" His voice was rougher and quieter than Papyrus remembered, closer to a whisper than anything else, but he supposed that was to be expected given the circumstances. Right now, Papyrus was glad to hear him speak at all.

"Your brother? He's upstairs, sleeping. He was exhausted when he came here, but Sa- Comic said he would be fine, he just needed some rest." Papyrus gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "He brought you here, to mine and Comic's house, in case you were wondering how you got here. Or, er, where you were." He probably should have mentioned that right away, but, well, it couldn't be changed now.

Fell stared at him intensely, and Papyrus couldn't tell whether he was trying to judge the truthfulness of those statements, or if he just needed a while to process the words. Then he blinked a few times, looked over the room again, and something seemed to click in his mind. Some of the tension left his face as he exhaled, sinking back into the pillows.

For a moment, Papyrus considered asking what had happened to leave him in such a state, and he had already opened his mouth to do so when he paused. Fell didn't exactly seem like he was up for any sort of extended conversation at this point, and Papyrus decided to let him rest a bit more before he started needling him with more questions.

There were a few moments of awkward silence before Papyrus cleared his non-existent throat. "Well! I was just going to heal you a bit more before you woke up, so if that's alright with you, I'll just get back to that?" When there were no objections, Papyrus brought his hand over his alternate's blanket-covered ribcage, fingers starting to glow green.

Faster than Papyrus thought his alternate could move, Fell's hand closed around his wrist before he made contact.

Papyrus stopped moving immediately. He wasn't afraid of his alternate, although he knew better than to underestimate him even in this state, if Papyrus' approach had somehow registered as a threat to him. Still, he really didn't want to startle him.

But Fell only stared at Papyrus' hand with a somewhat puzzled expression, slightly tilting his head. "Whadda ya..." He paused, frowning at his own slurred speech. When he continued after a moment, it sounded like it was taking him quite a bit of concentration to enunciate the words clearly. "What. Are you… doing?"

Oh. Right. Healing magic was… not much of a thing in Fell's universe. Not that Fell or Red had ever explicitly spoken about the topic - they very rarely spoke about anything regarding their universe, Red's occasional gushing about his brother's accomplishments notwithstanding - but Papyrus had come to his own conclusions. (Although he had wondered, with him and Fell being essentially the same monster… but that was neither here nor there.)

Papyrus straightened up slightly, as much as he could with his wrist still in Fell's grip. "Like I said, healing you! If you will allow me, that is. Which I very much hope you will, because despite my best efforts I'm afraid that you're still… not quite back to full health yet." And if that wasn't one of the biggest understatements to ever come out of his mouth, Papyrus didn't know what was.

Fell still looked confused, but he slowly released him.

"Thank you!" Papyrus gave a bright smile, which came a bit more easily than before. "Now, I'm just going to reach over there and place my hand on the blanket, alright? It shouldn't hurt, but please do let me know if it becomes uncomfortable at any-"

Another noise interrupted him, but he couldn't make out what Fell was trying to say this time.

"Pardon?"

Fell blinked furiously as if he was fighting hard to stay awake. Papyrus knew better than to tell him to go back to sleep; instead, he waited patiently for him to sort his words. "Why're ya… you… on th' chair?"

Papyrus blinked back. "Because I am planning to stay here for a while longer, and while I could stand the entire time, there wasn't really any need to, so I brought a chair from the kitchen?"

Fell huffed softly, his eye sockets starting to close before he forced them back open. "Not… what I mean… why'ren't ya on th' couch?"

"Because. You are on the couch??"

Fell stared at him - he had been doing a lot of that since he woke up -, then slowly raised his arm and patted the space behind his head. Which was mostly occupied by pillows at the moment.

"You… want me to sit on the couch with you?" Papyrus had to confirm. While they had, of course, shared the couch on movie nights before, Fell wasn't lying down on those occasions… and he didn't exactly strike Papyrus as the cuddly type.

Fell scoffed. "Obv'sly. If you're gonna keep… doin' this…" He vaguely gestured towards Papyrus, the chair he was sitting on, and the hand that Papyrus was still holding awkwardly over his ribs without touching him. "Don' need ta… need ta..." Then he let out a tired huff, clearly frustrated with his apparent struggle to finish the sentence. "Couch. Sit," he commanded, closing his eyes without waiting for a response.

Well. Alright. That was unexpected, but if Fell was this adamant about it, Papyrus couldn't really object, could he? It took a bit of shuffling, but in the end, he managed to arrange himself on the end of the couch next to Fell's head, with his legs under the pillows, and Fell seemed to have no objections to essentially lying in Papyrus' lap - or rather, lying in the pile of pillows that Papyrus had on his lap. In any case, the lack of protest was probably more of a testament to Fell's not-fully-conscious state than anything else, but it was certainly a more comfortable position for Papyrus than sitting on the chair and leaning over his alternate.

"Can I continue healing you now?" Papyrus asked again after a few moments.

He received a vague hum that sounded half like confirmation and half like Fell was falling asleep.

Papyrus took it as a 'yes'. He positioned his hand over the blankets around Fell's ribs, careful not to press on the injury, and focused on keeping his intent warm and soothing, pushing his worries to the back of his mind. Now, with one arm over his alternate, the position felt almost like a hug - another thing that Fell certainly would not have tolerated if he was fully conscious. As things were, though, there was another, even fainter hum as Fell shifted minutely in the pillows, and Papyrus got the strange impression that he was trying to curl closer.

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 204

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 Go Go! 06 - “King Donuts Awakens!” Date watched: 8 January 2021 Original air date: 9 March 2008 Screenshots Transformation Gallery Project info and master list of posts

mood

The character re-introduction arc reaches its epic conclusion and shows us where Rin has wound up after her moment of self-realization in the Y5 finale. It turns out, she wound up constantly tired. Relatable. Let’s dig in!

The Plot

Nozomi and Rin are on their way to Natts House to prepare for the grand re-opening. Rin is visibly very tired and confesses that she was up late the previous night.

images with sleepy auras

As they arrive at the store, they run into Syrup.... or more accurately, he runs into them, carrying an urgent letter from Milk. (Remember this, because Syrup sure doesn’t) However, just then, a brilliant light erupts from inside of Natts House, so they all rush in to see what’s happening. They find everyone gathered around a table with the Rose Pact in the middle, glowing, and then it opens up and King Donuts emerges, fully awake. Then he yells at everyone to stop staring at him.

blinded by the light...... how does that song go again?

After the opening, the gang tries to introduce themselves to King Donuts, but he assumes it’s another Eternal trap until Coco and Nuts reveal themselves. Instead of being relieved, however, he just pivots his anger onto them for being incompetent and letting him get attacked by Eternal. So yeah, not off to a great start here. While they watch the goings-on, Rin yawns, and this further annoys the already irate king. Growing frustrated, he tries to leave, but finds that there’s a barrier around the Rose Pact that’s trapping him until he fully recovers. As you may imagine, this does wonders for his good mood.

I’m not yawning because I’m bored, I’m yawning because I’m bored AND tired.

Cut to Eternal’s headquarters and a very fatigued Scorp drops a huge report on Anacondy’s desk, mentioning he hasn’t slept for six days while writing it. However, she dings him on numerous minor errors, deeming it unusable, and tells him to combine it with the previous report and redo it. Exhausted and holding a stack of paper half his height, Scorp collapses and the pages fly everywhere. I have to say, Koyasu acting tired is a fun change of pace for him.

these are the eyes of a man who has lost all hope

Back at Natts House, everyone is still trying to appease King Donuts. He insists he’s fine already but in attempting to demonstrate this, he wears himself out quickly. Karen offers him the apple she snapped a few episodes ago, but he refuses to eat it because he doesn’t trust them. The girls give up on him for now, because they need to get to work opening up the store, but they notice Rin has fallen asleep.

Nozomi advises them to just leave her be, trying to get Syrup to help them pass out fliers instead. He refuses and wants to know why they don’t wake Rin. Nozomi explains that Rin was busy all day with sports clubs, tending to the family shop, and watching her siblings, so she stayed up all night designing accessories because it was the only free time she had. (I am very familiar with this concept.) She also admits that Rin didn’t tell her this, she deduced it because she knows Rin and how she works.

With that settled, the remaining girls, as well as Coco and Nuts, get to work handing out fliers. Syrup, however, stays behind to look over Rin, because he refused to help any other way. He muses over his situation.

At that moment, Rin wakes up, and Syrup asks if she really was up all night designing jewelry. She realizes her old friend Nozomi has read her like a book. She admits to feeling guilty that she not only stayed up late working, but she couldn’t come up with any ideas, and now she’s missed out on handing out fliers as well. She feels useless (big oof) and contrasts herself with Syrup, who she says is working hard to get to the Cure Rose Garden. Syrup disagrees and insists she works way harder than him. At this point, King Donuts, who has been listening in, interjects and commends Rin for being critical and analytical of herself, saying it’s the key to self growth. I feel like there’s a missing line in here about not slipping too far into self-doubt, but regardless, Rin remembers she’s supposed to be at futsal practice and runs off before the end of the King’s speech.

“Gah!” - Natsuki Rin, 2008

After she’s gone, the king and Syrup discuss how hardworking she is, along with the other girls. Also there’s a gag where King Donuts didn’t recognize Syrup until he turned back into his fairy form which further establishes that Syrup has a bit of a negative reputation far and wide.

Meanwhile, at the practice field, Rin isn’t doing a whole lot better at futsal than she was at jewelry design. As a result of staying up late, she’s still tired, so she’s missing passes or overshooting goals. She even accidentally kicks the ball over the fence and into the woods, so she goes to retrieve it while yawning some more.

It’s here that she is confronted by an equally sleepy Scorp, who asks her to hand over the Rose Pact so he won’t have to write up his report, and he can sleep. It’s kind of pathetic, kind of comical.

Scorp turns the futsal ball into a hoshiina, so Rin transforms as well. Syrup swoops in to save her from Scorp but drops the Rose Pact, so King Donuts tries to talk down the villain. However, Scorp is undeterred and even sees more value in having one of the monarchs inside the Rose Pact. The other girls show up and transform, temporarily distracting Scorp (as well as the king, who is surprised that they’re the legendary warriors) but he then continues his advance until Rouge punches him away. Then she hears Lemonade screaming as the Hoshiina tries to fling her off, so Rouge rushes in to kick it and rescue her friend. Scorp once again tries to capture the Rose Pact, so Rouge separates from the team again to protect the fairies, but Scorp captures her instead and taunts her about trying too hard to do too much by herself and says she’ll only ever be halfway finished. This hits Rin at her core and she is unable to resist an attack from the Hoshiina, but at the last moment her teammates jump in front of her to defend her. They remind her that she’s not alone, they’re there to help her, and then Dream gives an inspiring speech about how Rin always challenges her situation and works harder than others, so they’ll always support her. Scorp is unimpressed, but Dream rushes him with a Shooting Star. Feeling newly motivated, Rin also performs her new finisher on the Hoshiina: Fire Strike! She summons a fireball at her feet and then kicks it into the monster, which of course dissolves back into a normal futsal ball. Scorp flees, muttering about how he’ll have to include this in his report as well.

As the dust settles, King Donuts admires the Precures, and then has a seemingly random realization about the Rose Pact and the Red and Blue roses, or rather, the lack of blue rose. In case you had forgotten that plot point.

the answer will surprise you

Back at Natts House, King Donuts opens up a bit more to the girls and they chat back. However, he quickly reiterates that he doesn’t acknowledge Coco and Nuts as rulers yet. When they ask Syrup to help them with the shop, he reminds them that he’s only here to deliver a letter from Milk, and he finally hands it over to Coco. (took him long enough) It turns out the letter says there’s an emergency in Palmier Kingdom and everyone needs to come there quickly! They want to go but aren’t certain how.... until they remember Syrup has the convenient ability to travel between worlds. He initially refuses, but King Donuts cleverly appeals to both his pride and his kind-heartedness, causing him to think about the conviction all the girls have shown in their solo outings thus far, and he agrees to take them. So just as quickly as it opened, Natts House is closed again and the gang boards Syrup to fly to the Palmier Kingdom. As they rise into the air, they soar forwards into a watercolor warphole, surrounded by floating  lights. They fade to white and the credits start.

The Analysis

Something I truly appreciate about this episode is that it picks up from the first series finale, and shows that Rin hasn’t magically become a top tier accessory designer, she still has moments of artist’s block, and she really struggles with just finding time to create, which impacts her social responsibilities. (sounds familiar) Rin’s struggle is a recurring theme, and I'm always glad that unlike certain later shows, they don’t glamorize her sacrificing sleep, they just portray it as something people sometimes do even if it’s not in their best interests. Contrast with that episode of Go Princess, you know the one. It’s a straightforward cause and effect: Rin stays up late designing, so she’s tired the next day, and that influences her interactions.

It has some positive responses, such as getting King Donuts to recognize how hardworking she is and swaying his opinion on the girls; and some negative impacts, like kicking the futsal ball too hard and over the fence. With all that said, I must once again remind you all not to sacrifice your well-being for your goals, even if I’m bad at following my own advice.

King Donuts (or Doughnuts if you prefer) is an interesting character. At first he’s paranoid that he’s in another Nightmare trap, but as he grows to accept his circumstances he warms up a bit, especially when he hears about how hard Rin is working. He remains critical of Coco and Nuts, understandably so, since their negligence led to him being attacked previously. However, he doesn’t dislike them, he is sharp-tongued because he wants to make them better kings. Physically he resembles a diminutive dragon. It’s not the most apparent visual but when all four Rulers are together the pattern begins to become obvious. More on that ~eventually~.

although they’re all in the OP so, ya know, clues

A secondary theme throughout this arc has been to show Syrup starting to acclimate to the girls and begin appreciating their hard work and way of doing things. He’s still stubborn and wants to do his own thing, but it takes less arm twisting to get him to go along with the girls’ requests. Usually. As he admits to King Donuts, he respects their work ethic and their devotion to the causes they love. He entered the picture as a loner delivery boy who just wanted to do his job, but getting roped in with the Precures’ misadventures has opened his eyes somewhat. He’s going to be fun to watch as the show continues. However, he has a reputation, as we’ve seen. We don’t know exactly what the details are but several characters seem to have a low opinion of him, and we’ll find out more about that in coming episodes.

The fight in this episode is interesting in how..... not interesting it is. It kind of fools you into thinking more is happening than actually is. There’s a lot of talking and not as much action as you would expect. The Cures and Scorp or the Hoshiina will exchange a few blows and get thrown around, then one of them starts lecturing the other side about their beliefs. Sure, all Precure shows have elements of this, I can remember a few other fights that were more talk than combat, but it seems particularly egregious this episode. I do like how Scorp’s mocking has an effect on Rouge though. She’s already feeling really unaccomplished and then he goes and tells her she’s useless without her friends. It starts to weigh on her heart, but her friends quickly step in and say hey, we love Rin, she has us to support her, it’s okay if she can’t do it all by herself. As a result of this quick pep talk, she unleashes Fire Strike, her new finisher, and boy does THAT shine. It’s the first soccer-themed Precure attack in the series, and more will follow in subsequent years.

Compared to some of the other finishers, Fire Strike is more straightforward. Rouge creates a ball of fire and kicks it directly into the Hoshiina. It’s less over the top than her teammates attacks (flying into the enemy, twin whips, flying discs, or an arrow made of water) but the animators manage to punch it up a bit with some suitably dramatic effects that sell how fast, hard, and powerful this kick is. Also I have to say, the shot of Rouge bringing her leg all the way back to ready the kick is really cool.

Her leg is cocked and extends past her head. If you’ve ever tried this you know it’s hard, so even if you can make a drawing do anything, it still looks impressive, and the next shot where she’s kicked it is gorgeous. The flame walls, the way she’s lifted slightly off the ground, the way the ball is warped, all convey a sense of power and motion. Yeah, she’s just kicking it straight ahead, but you get the sense she could kick it through a brick wall.

I do have to say, on the negative side, the framing device of the episode feels a little forced. If this letter from Milk was so important, Syrup probably should have pushed it on the girls a little sooner. Maybe just dropped it off with Nozomi when he first met her in the morning. They still could have seen King Donuts awakening but they would have made moves to go straight to the Palmier Kingdom instead of doing all that work advertising and opening the shop only to have to close it again right away, and skipping Rin’s moral quandary. Since those are at the root of the episode, it might be hard to cut them, so alternatively, to keep them, the episode could have been written such that Syrup could have received the letter at the end, so he wasn’t holding onto such an important and urgent letter all episode long. It’s the little things. And on that topic, I find the third act (fourth act?) after the fight to be a little too goofy. Syrup finally hands over the letter, then they all hem and haw about how they’re going to get to Palmier Kingdom and they beg and plead Syrup to do it until he finally agrees. The only truly funny part to me is Nuts lamenting that he has to close Natts House after he just opened it.

Also there’s this ending sequence.

This is the single worst thing I have ever made in the name of this project.

It’s overall a well-thought out episode and it smartly moves between story elements, smoothly concluding the character reintroductions and setting up the Blue Rose arc that follows. I appreciate how seemingly unconnected events flow into each other and they lead to the King seeing that the girls are legitimately good people. It’s probably the most cohesive episode of this arc, although I still think the character reintroductions peaked with Urara’s. The others have been good in different ways, but there’s a deeper bit of heartfelt emotion that episodes 2, 3, 5, and 6 just haven’t been able to match.

Next time, Milk’s emergency turns out to be largely imagined, and we meet a new villain. Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 kettei!

[bloodfromthethorn]

Accident

Matty, usually, loves her job, but there are some days where she can't help but feel she just isn't being paid enough for it.

Part eleven of the July of Whump 2021 prompt challenge.

Also on AO3. 

..

For all its covert operations, thanks to the think tank cover, The Phoenix was still technically classified as a regular place of business. That meant a lot of things, like paying property taxes and having to report earnings to the state, but by far one of the most mundane outcomes was the need for an Accident Book. In theory, any time someone employed by The Phoenix was injured while at work they had to write a short report detailing the accident for the book, and every year or so, The Phoenix would have to submit their anonymised incident reports to the local council.

Of course, this posed something of a problem for a government agency trying to stay off the radar; even with identifying information taken out, someone was probably going to take note if a seemingly mundane think tank reported 18 gunshot wounds over the course of a single year.

The workaround, therefore, had been that any injuries acquired outside of the building – like, say, when agents were out on missions – didn’t go into the book, and instead it was filled with the much more minor things that occurred in the relative safety of the Phoenix. There were still a couple of things that had to be omitted, like Bozer getting stabbed, but mostly, the plan seemed to work out okay. With a whole block of science labs taking up a considerable chunk of the building, there were more than enough burned fingertips and electric shocks that weren’t suspicious to fill a passably convincing report.

That being said, Matty wasn’t entirely sure how she was supposed to play this one off as a standard workplace mishap.

“Okay, okay, stop. I’m going to need you to run this by me again. Start at the beginning.”

“Well, like I said, we had Sparky up on the table-”

“At the beginning, Bozer,” she cut in, shooting her two agents a firm look. Boze’s natural charisma was, as ever, unhindered by her glare, while Mac did his usual trick of falling back on his army training and acquired a blank expression to let any yelling wash right over him. Jack did the same whenever he was genuinely in trouble and it drove Matty crazy any time it happened.

“We were working on separate projects,” Mac explained in a much more level tone than Boze had managed. To be fair, that might have had something to do with the gauze wrapped tightly around his forehead. “I’m still trying to troubleshoot that luminogen work for the dev team – you know, the glowstick stuff?”

She nodded.

“Right. And Bozer-”

“I was trying to fix a glitch in Sparky’s programming.”

“You were trying to make him call you sir,” Mac put in with a snort. He sobered as soon as he caught Matty’s hard stare. “But, uh, yeah. We were both just in the lab doing our own thing. Then Boze called me over to take a look at something-”

“I needed a spare part of hands to rewire the circuit board while I updated the code, and you know how much Mac hates someone else messing up his wiring.”

“I wasn’t working on anything volatile, so I dropped what I was doing and went to help. All of my stuff should have been completely fine where it was.”

Matty eyed him critically. He didn’t look like he was lying, but then it was a little hard to tell how much of that was down to the concussion and the bruises swelling on the left side of his face. “But it wasn’t,” she concluded.

“One of the other lab techs came through when I was focused on Sparky,” he explained with a wince. “She didn’t know that I still had things running and she noticed that my nitrogen line was still live, so she shut it off.”

“Don’t we have standard practices in place so that doesn’t happen?”

“Yes, but she’s only been with us two weeks. She didn’t know any better.”

“Mhmm.”

“Honestly Matty, it’s not her fault. I shouldn’t have left an active reaction unattended without sticking a red form up. That’s the standard practice that’s supposed to stop this thing from happening.”

“But you didn’t fill in the form.”

“I didn’t think I’d be gone long and I was still in the same room. Besides, the team usually knows not to mess with anything I’m working on, whether I’ve put up a form or not.” He went to rub at his face, then aborted the attempt when his fingers brushed over the gauze, wincing. Bozer and Matty were both watching him carefully, but he didn’t start keeling over so it would have to be good enough.

Matty sighed heavily. Playing the blame game wasn’t going to get them anywhere; she just needed to know what happened. “Okay then. You and Boze were over with Sparky and a lab tech shut off a nitrogen valve. Then what?”

“Well, nothing, for a little while. I was using the nitrogen to keep the reaction system anoxic, so everything was already sealed. Even without the nitrogen feed, it should have been fine to just sit there until I came back to it. Only, it turns out that when you combine the fluorescent polymer our dev team synthesised with NMP – the solvent I was using – it drops a proton and turns acidic.” He rolled his eyes as he said it, as if judging his own mistake like either Matty or Bozer had any concept of how predictable the problem could have been, then regretted it as it sent him dizzy again.

“Let me guess,” Matty said to give him a moment to recover, “The acid burned through a seal?”

“A rubber bung I was using to act as an injection port,” he confirmed grimly. “The seal failed and oxygen got in.”

“And the polymer is pyrophoric,” she finished for him. When he shot her a startled look, she shrugged. “I do read the reports I get sent Blondie. The spontaneous fire problem was one of the things they wanted you to take a look at, right?”

“Yeah. I hadn’t got to that part though.”

“Evidently.”

Boze jumped in to spare Mac the effort of defending himself. Now that the actual chemistry stuff was out the way, he knew the rest of the story. “While all this was happening, we were having a few problems with Sparky. The code was disagreeing with his logic boards, and it was making him fritz out pretty badly. He nearly took Mac’s fingers off when he sat up without warning.”

“And scared the hell out of us both,” Mac agreed.

“Yeah. Thank god Jack wasn’t in the room. We’d still be trying to get him down from the rafters.”

Matty cleared her throat and the pair of them snapped back to attention. Well, as at attention as Mac could reasonably be sitting up on one of the examination tables in the med bay.

With a cowed look, Bozer continued. “We were trying to work out what had happened, so we got Sparky going through a few movements. Because we weren’t finished, we didn’t bother getting him down off the table, so when he stood up completely…”

“He was a nine foot tall, eight hundred pound accident waiting to happen,” Mac finished. He gave a single shoulder shrug when Matty raised an eyebrow at him. “What? Even I’m willing to admit this whole thing was stupid.”

She’d more or less pieced together the rest of the story by now, but she still felt she should hear it for herself. Proper protocol and all that. “Alright. Then what?”

“We were trying to get Sparky back down when the reaction system blew,” Mac said. “We were far enough away that we weren’t at risk of burns, but Boze got a facefull of dye and Sparky got knocked off the table.”

“And onto you.”

He grimaced faintly, casting an offended eye at the sling supporting what had recently been a very dislocated shoulder. The expression did nothing to soften the bruises scattered across his face. “Yeah.”

Beside him, a slightly discoloured Boze swayed to knock their uninjured shoulders together. “Sorry, man,” he said, not for the first time. “Can’t help but think this is my fault.”

“It wasn’t. My reaction, my boom. Besides, you’re the one who’s going to be glowing in the dark for the next two weeks.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure the ladies will love it. You’re the one with the busted up arm.”

“It’s nothing, really. My shoulder pops out all the time.”

“You say that like it’s comforting and I gotta tell you man, it really ain’t.”

Matty’s gaze flicked between them. As much of a mess as Mac was, and despite the fact that Bozer was a lot more green than he had been when he’d arrived at work that morning, they’d both been signed off by medical with minor injuries. In theory, it was exactly the sort of thing that should go in her accident report, and yet she had a sneaking suspicion this particular story was going to raise a lot more questions than she was really willing to answer. It was funny – Mac had a habit of bringing that feeling out in her.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. I think I’ve got the picture. I’m not even going to pretend I understand how you managed to configure such a comedy of errors, but I trust that you’ve both learned how to avoid this problem in future?”

Like two boys caught doing something they shouldn’t, they both nodded quickly in unison. She couldn’t quite bite back her smile. “Alright then. Bozer, you’re cleared to work for the rest of the day should you wish to. Mac, you’re off rotation entirely until that concussion clears up, then it’s light duty to let your shoulder heal. I’ve called Jack to come pick you up.”

That certainly got his attention. “You called Jack? It’s his day off!”

“I’m well aware. But you can’t drive with that arm and as your nominated next of kin, he’s left standing orders to be informed every time you get injured. He should be here any minute.”

Bozer was snickering to himself, while Mac’s expression had folded into something between desolate and sheepish. Matty had had a hell of time getting Jack to calm down and listen when she’d first called to tell him Mac was in medical and evidently Mac had some idea of the helicopter parenting about to rain down on his head. Maybe that would be the thing to actually make him realise the seriousness of his own actions.

“Great,” he muttered sarcastically, just as Matty heard the door to medical swing open so forcefully it cracked against the wall. With a dry smile, she stood back and waited to see the fireworks.

[abizarreyodelingincident]

(LU) Ridiculous Optimization: The Art of Finding the Right Tool for the Wrong Situation

Chapter one: They're big pots, really

Wild's Hyrule was, for lack of a better word, a pain.

Now, if you were Warriors, who regularly tangled with nobles and their ilks as part of his duties, you might describe it as 'a temporary yet persistent sort of agony, so scandalous, good sirs and ladies'. Or, if you were Sky, who serenaded his Zelda with loving devotion, the description might resemble 'a land broken but resisting, a primal kingdom for the ambitious to remake'.

But the average Link was neither, and the general sentiment came out as 'Wild's Hyrule is a giant pain'. (One should recall that both Legend and Wind existed in the general sample and drastically lowered the ability to describe Wild's Hyrule in polite company.)

The weather conditions were, all in all, quite tolerable outside of the occasional lightning storms which threatened to violently roast them all (Time especially). Wild's one recurring grip being the rain making it impossible to climb cliff sides and barely-standing-towers – which, in all honesty, had become Twilight's favorite weather for this exact same reason.

The few tribes of monsters could provoke violent swearing, in good part after the Links had assimilated the color system that ruled Wild's Hyrule. (Four could never look at golden monsters the same way now.) No, no, a Link knew to adapt to their circumstances and would learn all the right tricks to fighting any sort of monster that showed up in his path.

In fact, Time had gone on record to say that he'd gone on an adventure in a much more stressful kingdom, because at least the moon was only red and not looming.

The real challenge was so many of his enemies being outright mini-bosses at least. Wind's Hero's Charm had confirmed their health being far superior to the average roaming monster, and, to the general disbelief, added that no, Lynels did not count as minibosses for some goddesses-forsaken reason.

“That's three!” Warriors called out, slashing away at one twisting limbs. “One to go!”

“Get down!” Hyrule shouted just in time for Warriors to duck under a blue-ish laser.

The two heroes felt air woosh over their backs, cold and sharp despite the explosion that ravaged a rock formation down the hill. Despite the sheer damage done, none of them gave the ruins even a passing glance. Normally, some Link like Four would wonder out loud about the marvels of technology that had led to the creations of robots as powerful as the Guardians. That would, unjustly, earn him a slap upside the head from the others who just wanted them all exterminated.

But, if anything, their mechanical structure should be glorified, as unlike almost every other enemies the Links met in their travels, the Guardians could not be further enhanced by black blood.

No, the Guardians were a special pain in the Links' anatomies all on their own.

Legend had already written down the tirade he reserved for the Sheika elders that had thought beamos weren't mobile and powerful enough in his journal. One day, he would travel to the past of Wild's Hyrule and give them all the dressing down they deserved and it would be beautiful.

Three grappling hooks latched onto the last Guardian's limbs just in time to stop it from running over the downed Warriors and Hyrule. Now, against, say, a Lynel or an Hinox, pulling such a maneuver might have given the monster pause, but the Guardian's head merely rotated and aimed its tracking light at Time.

He alongside Twilight and Sky dispersed to avoid the lightning quick retaliation and even then, Sky felt the flames lick at his heels.

Rolling away, he ended up in a huddle close with Legend and Four, behind a large, mossy rock. "You know," Sky said, nervously chatting instead of saving his breath, "they kind of remind me of pots."

Legend's eyes twitched. “Ah, yes, they're tougher than most of my bosses, faster too, shoot laser beams, but they are a little round-ish. I see the resemblance.”

"Oh!" Four exclaimed, thunderstruck. "I've got it! Cover me," he shouted to the others.  

Without even a moment's consultation, Wind and Wild both rushed out of their hiding spots and pelted the Guardian with bombs, their supplies of arrows depleted during the ambush. It only made the Guardian's base tilt slightly, though, a few seconds were all Four really needed. His hands found the handle of the cane with the ease of many adventures' worth of practice.

Not a second too soon either, for one of the Guardian's limbs had snaked through the barrage and swept Wind aside. And now threatened to grab the little rolling pirate.

Four swung the twisted branch. A staff, Wild realized as a glittering ball of energy flew off its head and struck the guardian head on. For a split second, he allowed himself to hope that it would have a bit of an effect on the thing. He'd seen (schemed for, though he never admitted it to Twilight) a Guardian struck by lightning before, and it had shrugged it off as easily as a breeze. Those things just wouldn't-

The Guardian flipped over.

Wind's shocked cursing translated the general gobsmacked bafflement of the eight heroes over five feet tall.

The Guardian landed on its head, its top carvings digging into the soil. The legs frantically expanded to try and right it, but could find no purchase. Their articulations had not been created to allow the legs to reach the head area. Combining those facts effectively condemned the feared contraction to reenact a flipped turtle's dying moments, with half the dignity.  

Wild staggered backward into Time's waiting arms. “Wh-what, I don't… how?”

“Magic,” Time replied with the air of a wise old man, “you never know what kind of stuff it can do. Also,” he cleared his throat and spoke louder, “watch out for the laser beam, boys."

Hyrule and Wind flinched back from the upside down Guardian, like kids with their hands down the cookie jar. The eye turned from blue to red.

"It only shoots in a straight line," Wild said, recovering from his shock.

The dreaded red dot stuttered in place, stuck in a very narrow margin.

“Yeah, but can't it turn its head?” Hyrule asked hesitantly, not looking away from the dot.

They distinctively heard the noise of some gears inside the thing turning, like a low-humming buzz of energy. Where the head met the body, the whirring flashed in rapid succession.

The head remained unmoving.

The other half of the guardian span.

“It's going to start flying now,” Wind said with clear apprehension.

Twilight nodded to that. The motion was eerily similar to a mad peahat preparing to soar the skies.

Legend shot them both an annoyed look. “With those legs?”

“It's a Guardian!” Wind protested. “They don't just fucking flip over and die?”

As if to punctuate the point, the Guardian's beam shot out of its frantically beeping eye. And, as if to immediately contradict itself, the beam missed them all by a mile, roughly, though it did strike on a stray lizalfos.

“Huh, didn't notice that one,” Warriors mumbled, as Legend burst out laughing at the madness of it all.  “What kind of item is that anyway?”

Four gave the twig a twirl. "The Cane of Pacci. It flips things over."

Legend scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "What kind of wizards gives their name to a staff that's good for flipping things over? I know magic-users can be lazy bastards, but that's a bit much, even for me."

Four shrugged, unfazed. "Who knows? It came in handy surprisingly often. Case in point," he waved an arm toward the flipped guardian.

A shrieking noise caught them off-guard, momentarily.

Wind had lodged a giant broadsword in the guardian's eye up to its hilt. The whirring machinery slowed, smoke leaking out of its gears and plates. If it hadn't been made completely helpless before, it certainly was now. Warrior looked inordinately fond of their young and bloodthirsty pirate for finishing off a helpless killing machine.

“Four,” Wild said, his face frozen in the most serious expression any of them (except Twilight) had ever seen.

“W-what?” Four replied, startled by the hands grabbing his shoulders.

“Name your price. Do you want rupees?” Wild asked, pulling out his slate. “Because I will bury you under more rupees than you've ever seen before.”

“Anyone else feels like that came out vaguely threatening?” Hyrule pondered.

“Vaguely?” Legend snarked, prompting Twilight to facepalm.

Wild apparently heard nothing but the silence Four was shoving his way. His voice hiked up in pitch. “Armor? I've got more sets of armors than I know what to do with them? Ancient Sheika armor? It's super mechanical, you like mechanisms, right?”

Four raised an eyebrow. “I like understanding how they work. Can you imagine me wearing your stuff? I would have trouble moving.”

“My recipe book?” Wild tried again, desperation creeping in his voice. “It's not written yet, but I can do that. Four, please?”

Twilight gasped. Hyrule's stomach loudly growled. And the rest nodded sagely. Wild truly was pulling out all the stops to get his hands on that cane, besides outright theft (which none of them were exactly strangers to).

“… No.”

The fingers let go of his shoulders, now aching from the grip.

“I thought we were brothers,” Wild whispered, leaning against Twilight for support. “Backstabbed like nothing.”

“I do actually need that item, you know?” Four replied, halfway between amused and annoyed.

"Alright, boys, no fighting," Time announced, his mouth struggling not to stretch into a smirk, "and new strategy. If we run into a guardian, we let Four handle it. All in favor?"

The surge of agreement ranged from 'mildly sorry' (Sky) to 'gleeful' (Legend, of course, and Wild).

"Oh come on!"

BONUS:

The eight Links stared at the Guardian stumbling over the fields of Wild's Hyrule whilst Twilight mimed around like a drunk puppeteer. Wind's pictograph was out and flashing the moment the herd of bokoblins shrieked in panic and fled for their lives from the clearly malfunctioning monstrosity. Wild's Sheika Slate had been given to Hyrule for the task of recording the moments whilst he mourned yet another way the Goddesses had seen fit not to help him fight off Guardians.

“Anyone else feels a little sorry for them?” Sky asked, scratching his head as the camp was bulldozed through.

“Not as such, no,” Hyrule replied without skipping a beat. He might also have a few bruises on his shoulder from their last encounter.

“How do you laser with this thing?” Twilight grumbled, face scrunched up in concentration.

“Pfft, it had to be the bumpkins that gets the power to control ancient automatons,” Legend snarked, his hat still fuming from where he had dodged the Guardian's first beam.

In the distance, the bokoblins suddenly exploded.

“Ah, unbridled rage,” Twilight deadpanned. “That'll do.”

The Links carefully took a step back. And didn't get closer until Twilight had driven the Guardian off a cliff. You never knew with the quiet ones. The second the possession was over, however, Wild broke through the ranks with a determined look, opened his mouth-

And Twilight beat him to the punch. “Your recipe book.”

“Deal.”

“YES!”

“Wait,” Four called, narrowly avoiding the death glare Wild sent him, “are you sure you won't need it when this is over.”

Twilight shrugged. “I mean, I've used it all of once after I finished the dungeon with it? My Hyrule's not exactly big on statues and contraptions to magically possess. Good food though? Not like I'll ever stop having to need that.”

“Spoken like a true bumpkin.”

Poor Legend never saw Wild leap through the air with the righteous fury of an avenging angel to defend the honor of his mentor, the best man he ever met and the soon-to-be recipient of a great deal of cakes.

NOTE:

The thought process went like this:

Tumblr post noting that Guardians look like an ancient pottery art from thousands of years ago. TLDR: The Guardians are Elder Pots awakened to take revenge on all the Links for their fallen brethren.

Guardians can't touch Link if he climbs on their head.

Minish Cap includes an item that flips pots over (to open minish gates, but shh, who cares?)

Ergo, Four can one-shot guardians.

Twilight's just there, because I took pity on Wild and the Dominion Rod is absolutely useless after its dungeon. Not like Twilight would miss it.

[chaoswillfallrpg]

HARRISON BAGNOLD is THIRTY-TWO YEARS OLD and an AMBASSADOR for the INTERNATIONAL CONFEDERATION OF WIZARDS at THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC. He looks remarkably like MAX IRONS and considers himself alligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. He is currently OPEN.

TW: death, murder, mind control

→ OVERVIEW:

Born to MILLICENT BAGNOLD and RUTHERFORD BAGNOLD, Harrison had a spotlight on himself from the second he took his first breath. At the time his mother was an influential figure in The Ministry whilst his father’s magical invention business was soaring, bringing in enough wealth for their middle-class lifestyle. As soon as Harrison was old enough, he was shoved into a tuxedo and dragged to all the events that his parents would attend. He would have much rather been at home sorting his wizarding card collections but his parents explained that the key to life was networking and if he didn’t attend events with them they’d have to pay for a nanny which was just utterly unnecessary. It wasn’t until much later in life that Harrison began to enjoy said events. He realised that his parents were important people and this made him just as important. He began to see himself as equal to the other high-class kids that attended these events but that didn’t last long. It was when the Malfoy’s held a Ministry event at their residence that he realised he wasn’t like the others at all. They weren’t as rich, they didn’t have a staff of House-Elves nor did they have elaborate and ornamental mansions as a home. Harrison felt embarrassed, ashamed to not have the same luxuries as his friends. It was at this point that the lying started.

Harrison would lie about his family's wealth for years to come. He’d hold himself high like a nobleman and would try his best to ‘fake it till you make it’. His parents would attempt to buy his love and he took advantage of this, asking for the top of the range items that all his friends had. Harrison’s relationship with his parents only became worse when BOOKER BAGNOLD was born. He felt bad for his brother, that he had been brought into this harsh family. That’s when his parents failed him yet again and gave Booker more love and affection than Harrison had ever received. From that moment he learnt that he needed to grow a thick skin to be happy in life and began to fend for himself, always finding a way to get what he wanted. Once at school he tried to surround himself with friends that would love him more than his parents did. His first friend in Hogwarts was FRANK LONGBOTTOM but it wasn’t long before Harrison decided that he needed to make new friends, ones with more social influence. He began to climb the social ladder, attending as many parties as he could without thinking too much about his grades. Harrison began to spin a web of lies. He didn’t see anything wrong with them, after all, he had started to almost believe them himself. Perhaps if he just went with them, he’d speak them into existence? Being a Gryffindor came with its perks, including the massive common room parties where Harrison met his soon to be best mates, BILLIUS WEASLEY and TIBERIUS MCLAGGEN. The lads all had similar interests in mind, partying and snogging. They formed a tight friend group and soon were barely seen away from each other’s sides.

Harrison came to terms with his sexuality over the next couple of years. He realised he wasn’t straight when he formed an undeniable crush on RHYS ROBARDS. He refused to act upon it and believed that it would just go away over time, which it did. However, that didn’t stop future crushes on men forming, crushes that turned out to be more fruitful than his first. He was hesitant to tell his mates, concerned that they’d treat him differently. He had no idea how to even explain his on-and-off feelings to them because he didn’t even understand them himself. He found himself approaching a close friend, HESTIA JONES about his sexuality first. Hestia had been there for him throughout the years, a solid friend that would tell him that he was out of line without hesitation. Whilst he didn’t always follow her suggestions, he definitely appreciated them. Bill and Tiberius only found out about his fluidity when they caught him snogging someone in the showers in their final years at Hogwarts. They were extremely supportive of him and this gave Harrison the closure he needed to be sure of himself yet again. And although Harrison had played the romance game for most of his life, flirting with whomever he wanted, he had never been in a serious relationship before, some would even say he was afraid of commitment.

Throughout his Hogwarts career, Harrison proved himself to not just be good at making friends, but adversaries as well. EDRICK SELWYN was a Slytherin student who was overly competitive and Harrison thought it would be fun to challenge him. What simply began as a friendly duel to Harrison turned out to be a rivalry that would follow Harrison through school and with him to his career at the ministry. Harrison had been given the position as an Ambassador for the International Confederation of Wizards and whilst this allowed Harrison to travel around the wizarding world, he reported to non-other than Edrick’s father, HARRELSON SELWYN. Whilst Harrelson seemed to be close to Harrison’s mother, he had taken a disliking for him which could have only been the doing of Edrick, or perhaps it was Harrison’s arrogance. When Booker joined The Ministry things changed for Harrison. He had never felt responsible for his brother, after all, his parents were always looking out for him, but as soon as he began work at the ministry, Harrison felt the need to look out for him. When their mother became Minister for Magic, a sense of relief washed over Harrison. He had been lying for so long about their family’s wealth status that it felt good to be true at last. It was at this stage in his life that he met the lovely CAMILLE ROWLE during a photoshoot for the Minister and their family. Despite Harrison’s initial efforts, Camille was playing the long and hard game. He wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted and found the challenge enjoyable. 

All Hallows Eve in 1982 was one of the worst nights of Harrison’s life. Due to a heated argument over a petition that Booker had started, Harrison disarmed Booker. Later that evening Booker was murdered which threw Harrison into guilt. He blamed himself for his brother’s death as if he hadn’t taken Booker’s wand, perhaps he would have been able to defend himself better. The next couple of months was a dark time for Harrison. However, thanks to his friends, he managed to climb out of his rut and CHARITY BURBAGE approached him with a proposition which gave Harrison a new direction in life. The two of them discussed how they could potentially carry on Booker’s legacy by taking his petition and continuing the fight for creature equality. Harrison attended the Yule Ball later that year and despite Yule not feeling the same without his brother, he had a great time. Well, at least until he was placed under the Imperius curse by someone unknown to him. Being under the curse was agonising. It felt like he was watching a television show or sitting in the back seat of a car whilst watching someone else drive recklessly. A voice whispered over and over in his mind that no thoughts of his own could form. In a way, it felt like Harrison was drowning in somebody else's thoughts, words and emotions. Before he knew it, his own flesh and bones felt a rage towards anyone he knew to be a creature and the first person that crossed his vision just so happened to be JONATHAN REEVES.

Harrison followed Jonathan (who was actually SILAS CRUMP in disguise) and Jonathan’s secret girlfriend, sacred Twenty-Eight darling ROSALIE FLINT into a private room. He then watched as his own hand pointed his wand at Jonathan and cast a killing curse at the man. Rosalie valiantly dived in front of the curse, killing her instantly. Silas knocked Harrison unconscious during the confusion that followed and fled the scene with Rosalie’s body. It wasn’t long until PATRICIA RAKEPICK found Harrison after hearing the commotion. Instantly recognizing that something was wrong with the man, Patricia called on Hestia for help. The two of them realised that Harrison was under a curse and helped him to the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters at the Fountain of Fair Fortune. After notifying PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE, the Order began to work on freeing Harrison from the curse. When the curse was lifted, Harrison remembered nothing from whilst he was under the curse, only feelings and emotions. He had more questions than answers and after a long conversation with Hestia and ALASTOR MOODY, he understood exactly what the Order of the Phoenix was and what they stood for. Intrigued and fueled by a sense of duty to make things right for Booker and prevent further attacks on creatures. Combining the two, Harrison came up with the idea of a creature protection programme which would be run by the order and provide a safe haven for those creatures that were on the run from THE DARK LORD and felt unprotected by the ministry’s exclusive laws. 

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Half-Blood

Pronouns → He/Him

Identification → Cis Male 

Sexuality  → Sexually Fluid

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education → Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Gryffindor)

Societies → TBD

Family → Rutherford Bagnold (father), Millicent Bagnold (mother), Booker Bagnold (brother)

Connections  → Billius Weasley (best friend), Tiberius McLaggen (best friend), Camille Rowle (romantic liaison), Rhys Robards (friend), Hestia Jones (close friend), Frank Longbottom (friend), Molly Prewett (friend), Harrelson Selwyn (boss), Edrick Selwyn (adversary), Charity Burbage (friend), Patricia Rakepick (friend), Rosalie Flint (victim)

Future Information → Future Head of the International Confederation of Wizards Department

HARRISON BAGNOLD IS A LEVEL 7 WIZARD.

[four-loose-screws]

What would you rank all the fire emblem games that you have played.

Thank you for waiting, anon! This essay is finally finished! XD I don’t know if either of us ever intended for this to end up so long, but it did.

It’s interesting to see how each person experiences each game, so I hope everyone enjoys reading this. If anyone wants to ask questions for more details or just for conversation, please do!

I did a tier grouping ranking as well as ordering from bottom -> top, because that helped explain my feelings a little better. This isn’t really reflecting my nostalgia or personal feelings for the characters/world quite as much as “how much fun I had in my initial playthrough(s).” Because I think that’s what these sorts of lists are generally asking for.

First, I’d like to make a general statement about why I love FE games so much: Well, most simply it’s because I have more fun playing FE than any other series. That much is obvious though, right? I also love them because they all stand out in their own way, with their own unique combination of features, and because they are all super ambitious titles. It may lead to some rushing and half-baked ideas, but ambition is what excites me the most in any series. Even if the creators are not able to fully realize the ideas they had, the hard work still wows me as I play, and I can see hints of the full vision they had in every nook and cranny. Even the lowest games on this list are pretty high up there for me in fun level. The “fun but flawed” games just had glaring issues that interrupted the fun from time to time.

...FEs 1 & 3 are overall exceptions to the “unique and standing out rule,” being early games in the series; and FE6 set up post-Famicom FE, so it’s pretty basic, too - but they still get their own awards for setting a solid foundation for a fun video game series that withstands the test of time.

I can’t fully explain it, why I attached to FE the most over all other game series out there. But when I play FE, I usually don’t think about what’s not so great about the games. I just have fun. The gameplay always has me thinking, and I get engrossed in the stories and unlocking convos and supports.

Basic Tier

These games are really hard to judge properly in the ranking system, because they are just so basic for the series.

FE1 / FE11

When FE11 came out, I remember it getting so much flack for being really, really boring. But I didn’t get that. I like FE gameplay and storytelling at its core, so I don’t need the bells and whistles to have a good time. I knew this is where the series started, and was surprised with what content there was considering this is a remake of a game on the Famicom (NES).

FE1 set a very solid foundation for what the core of the series would be. Load it up next to a modern game, and it feels so the same and different all at once. I’ve only played a little bit of FE1 itself. I just can’t get through it because FE11 is SO similar to FE1, so you really only have to play one to get the whole experience. I didn’t feel like playing the same game over again at the time, so FE1 is still on my unfinished list.

Basic, solid foundation for the ages / 10

FE3 / FE12

After FE11 played it “safe” and took an “upgraded graphics with a few new ideas tacked on” approach, I was blown away by how much FE12 did, even if it was more for worse than better sometimes. It added so many conversations, was the first to tinker with the idea of a more fleshed out Avatar, added more story… and so on.

From what I’ve read recently, the new story stuff isn’t that great, but I don’t remember now. I’ve only played this game once. Overall, despite some clunk with the giant maps and so on, this game really challenged itself to improve from FE11, and it’s how I learned to love remakes that aren’t afraid to deviate from and add a lot to the original!

Set the stage for what kind of fun and ambition an FE remake could have / 10

FE3 is way more of a classic than any of us in the West can truly understand. It sold insanely well (the best in the series until Awakening I believe?), challenged the programmers to put FE1 on the cart as well, long before re-releases were a thing in the industry, and the game even made it to the Super Famicom Mini! I haven’t played it yet because again, it’s hard to get the motivation to play through the slow speed and clunkiness when I’ve already experienced the remake, but I’m looking forward to it some day.

The good ol’ days of the Super Famicom & SNES / 10

FE6

This was the first game without Kaga (the series original creator), so it set the stage for a future without him. The series might have strayed far from his plans for story and such, but this game, while it was pretty basic, firmly established a new foundation for the series on a new system, and gave a glimpse of what greatness the future had in store.

Overall though, this game is harder to commit to memory than others, except for classic characteristics like how terrible Roy is until, finally, BAM he gets his sword in the final stretches of the game; and running in circles from Douglas so you can avoid fighting him and successfully recruit him after the chapter.

Awkward, but sets a solid foundation for post-Kaga and post-Famicom FE / 10

Fun But Flaws Distracted From The Fun A Lot Tier

FE16

I really, really hate to say it, because this game tries to mix up the FE formula with the school setting and other new features and changes, and brought in a good mix of old and new, just like all the other FE games. But this game left very little impact on me for such a big experience. And I’m leaving out the fact that trying to play all four routes is dull as heck when I place the game this low. I’m basing it off of just how much I enjoyed the first playthrough.

Overall, I was most turned off by the class system. Which is funny, because I’ve seen others praise this as FE’s best class system. Everyone’s different. Classic classes like troubadours are just gone. The top tier classes are super limiting. Of course, you can just stop one tier down, but that’s not emotionally satisfying to me - I want my characters to reach the top! Despite having such free choice, I feel more limited than anything. If they’d just stopped at 4 tiers and not tried to go to 5, I think that would have been best. They had to stretch out the available classes too much to get to 5. ...Although being able to have an army of dragon riders is awesome, I’ll give it that. Dragons are too cool. 

I was also really disappointed by the story. Fire Emblem has established that it can write a really emotional plot, and not be afraid to pull punches, with games like 4 and 8. I was expecting a huge contrast between part 1, where everyone is friends and classmates, and part 2, where war rips them apart, transforms them into different people, and forces them to brutally slaughter each other.

But in reality…the hate between Dimitri and Edelgard has nothing to do with the school at all… That was jarring to me. Of course there is no one right direction to take a story in. But the worldbuilding and story writing… feels even less coherent than Fates. That’s an accomplishment.

This is the one time I say ambition was really just too much. The game didn’t get enough polish. A game about the seasons doesn’t even have seasonal differences...

While my friends who don’t usually play Fire Emblem have had a fantastic experience with this one, after all I’ve been through, I found that I liked other FE’s more.

I think the best part about this game is the characters and supports. After Fates had a ton of supports in it just because it had to have them, the creators of this game weren’t afraid to change up the support formula once more, so they could balance quality and quantity. ...And then, ironically, this game went for the (almost entirely) mute, personality-less avatar character. Funny how that works out. XD

Dragon Lord Army Go! / 10

FE14

I feel this game deserves way more credit than it gets, while also agreeing with the critiques. The ambition was as great as ever. But then it got stuck in development hell and we got what we got. (For those who don’t know, the team was divided in two - the team that wanted a more fanservic-y experience, and the one that wanted to make a standard FE.)

I think the gameplay is the best part of this game, Conquest is great, and the gimmicks are indeed gimmicks, but still fun. In offering three different experiences, the entire package will please few, but that was the point of the multiple routes, to give everyone one route they would like, not to please everyone with all three.

But beyond the gameplay, the story is all over the place, the multiple routes just create more questions than answers; and features like an increased number of support convos and children feel like they are there only because of a desire to bring back “popular” features. After multiple food/cooking supports in a row, I couldn’t take it any more. There was so little that the characters were actually talking about in their supports vs. Awakening. I generally feel that more supports = better, because character interaction through supports is of course a highlight of post-Famicom FE, but in this case, the numbers did not do any favors.

Bringing back weapons that don’t break didn’t feel well done, either. I just ended up using basic weapons the whole time because I didn’t want to deal with the drawbacks of the higher level weapons.

Back to a positive for me: The hub world was neat, though it needed some convoluted story writing to be included. I was amused by going through the different features and collecting the items. I agree with Nintendo of America taking out the “petting minigame,” but since I lived in Japan when Fates released, it was amusing to do on the train and weird out the bored Japanese people who peered over my shoulder.

Since all three routes were different, this game was fun enough until the end in comparison to Three Houses, of which I am STILL trying to slog through the last route one year after release. But Fates was made for every route to be different, whereas Three Houses was not, so it’s not surprising I feel like that.

But time for the real talk about this game… why is everyone’s HP so low??? What happened?????

Up and down and all around in quality from start to finish / 10

FE15

I really want to like this game more. Oh, do I. It’s absolutely GORGEOUS, the character art makes my heart skip a beat, the game proved that full voice acting does fit FE really well, it fleshed out things like the dungeon crawling & story, and added support conversations & skills, etc. while still staying kind of basic, retaining the feeling that the original was on the NES. The momentum for the fun and ambition that an FE remake could have transitioned well from FE12 to here and led to this being a stunningly presented game.

But the creators totally missed the point on what were the defining features of the game in my opinion, and that mismatch of vision ruined a lot for me. I loved the imbalance, struggling as I placed my units in corners of maps just to survive, until I obtained all those OP items, and my super soldiers marched into battle and did wild and amazing things. Valbar with +5 move and 40 speed with the Speed Ring is the one thing I remember the best of FE2 and oh man was it fun, and did I love it.

And I mean, I understand why the creators weren’t going to keep that imbalance, it doesn’t make the game good for everyone. It’s just something I found fun, and made the game stand out among the other FEs. But the developers really just replaced old imbalance with new imbalance, the dread fighters being the one thing I remember in particular.

And they defined FE2’s best defining features as “the maps and the terrain effects” and I just did not agree. That was the stuff I DISLIKED about FE2! And that’s what they wanted to keep most? The terrain that made battles one giant miss, and the gigantic maps where I’d spend half the time just getting to the enemies? No thanks.

Then the story only cranked up the horrible treatment of the women, with Faye… being Faye, and I hated the direction they went in with Celica’s story...  Ugh.

For every step or two forward, there’s one back / 10

FE10

FE games are always ambitious, but this one cranked the dial up to 10 and tripped over itself a lot. Still, it provided (even if it is info dumped) an intense and satisfying ending to the Tellius saga, and is another classic for the ages. I found the pacing boring and slow until then, though.

I think now that I’m older I can appreciate the story much, much more - and how it shows the story and aftermath of the Mad King’s War from multiple points of view -  but the lack of the support conversations, and too much going on for any aspect of this game to be properly refined, still make this one lower on my list.

If only I could have played it more than once, to really get a good memory of the events of the game. My Wii actually scratched up my disk (How this happened, I don’t know, and it’s the ONLY disk my Wii ever slaughtered). It only held out long enough for my sibling and I to enjoy one playthrough each. I’ll get to playing my Japanese copy eventually!

Part 4 = Laguz Royals Emblem / 10

Somewhere Inbetween Tier

FE5

The last of the Kaga games. Still clunky and difficult, but with it’s own super unique features in capturing, stamina, and stealing weapons.

The brokenness of staves is not at all a flaw, but a feature in my opinion. Encouraging bizarre thinking and finding new ways to plow through maps is fun. I would probably be critical if this was a modern game, but I think older games need these quirks to stand out among modern titles with better graphics and decades of gaming history behind them.

And you still can complete the maps in a more traditional manner if you are determined. I did even for Reinhardt’s map.

Also, I gotta say... I don’t agree that this is the most difficult FE overall… it just has the hardest individual maps. The difficulty spikes are all over the place. The game goes from bashing your head against a wall to snoozefest constantly.

Fog of war was a mistake though, if I was a time traveler, I’d go back and make sure the programmers never figured out how to include it. XD

Steal ALL the tomes! / 10

FE13

Experiencing this game and its release in real time was an experience. The fandom really, truly thought this game might not only be the last FE ever, but also that it might not get a localization. Thinking there would never be a localization, I spent a night of my first trip to Japan buying a Japanese 3DS and a copy of the game. I only had 2 weeks on that study tour, but I was so determined that I used some of my precious free time to go shopping for it. To afford it, I even used the money my college gave to me for food, then subsided off of cheap convenience store meals with what little I had left. I barely had any true understanding of Japanese at the time, but I wanted other fans to experience this game, so I worked as hard as I could to translate as many supports as I could. This game is why I got into translation, and was what I really thought might be the end, so it will always have a special place in my heart for that.

Now to actually talk about playing the game itself. I really enjoyed it the first couple of times. Who cares that pair-up and the kids were OP, you either blast through the game with them and have a good laugh, or ignore them, set some challenging rules, and enjoy having at least a little challenge. I didn’t care much that the supports were a little lower quality because of the sheer number of them, I eagerly awaited unlocking each one, and reading what the two characters would talk about. (We fans have fanfiction to turn to if we hunger for more development. :p) The bonus content was plentiful, and a great fanservice-y way to bring the series to a close.

After all is said and done though, the game left me feeling empty when I thought about replaying it any further. The maps and story felt empty in comparison to previous games. Now that it’s been 8 years since the initial release, I’d of course enjoy a replay or two, but after having played FEs7-9 5 or 6 times in a row before moving on to the next game… anything less than that level of excitement was surprising for me. I placed this game kinda high on the list because it’s fun when you play it. It’s just doesn’t have as much replay value, I feel.

Also, as a group, the children characters are my favorite in the series. They all come from deeply traumatic backgrounds, and the way they work through that trauma and navigate being given a second chance, but also not a true second chance because this timeline is different from their own, is endlessly fascinating for me. I don’t know if other fans give them enough credit, so I wanted to point them out in particular.

Would have been a fantastic way to send off the series, despite the flaws / 10

FE2

This game is flawed, imbalanced, makes me want to throw things, and it’s all, somehow, in a way that makes me LOVE IT. ...So long as I’m playing using an emulator with a speed up button.

This game is so hard, and the hit percentages are such garbage. But as I played, and unlocked more and more OP weapons and items, until I reached a point where the zombie dragons - what once took all my efforts - were an enemy that can easily be slaughtered in 1-on-1 combat... I felt so satisfied.

Old games need some kind of charm to make them still worth revisiting in a world of much better graphics and features that have now had decades to be refined. For me, this game has that perfect kind of quirky charm in spades.

The maps and terrain though… I have no words, just bash your head into the wall and you will understand how I feel.

Also, this game reminds me of Zelda 2 in it being a black sheep of its respective series… that’s a fun little nugget of info.

Duma’s sprite / 10

FE7

I don’t remember this game as well, despite it being one that I’ve played about 5 times? I don’t know why, it’s yet another fantastic Fire Emblem with its own ways that it stands out, managing not one, not two, but three lords, introducing the tactician, and so on. Guess time has just not been kind to my memory on this one.

I remember being really impressed with the length of this game back in the day, and Hector’s mode offering enough differences to make it totally fun to replay the main game again.

Lyn gets kind of pushed to the side (because that’s what generally happens to women main characters in Fire Emblem, if there’s a male lord around), but having the three lords was really fun. With three people, you get a great balance between all of their personalities, and they all play off of each other well.

Of course I loved Lyn and Hector, most everyone does, but I was always just as much of an Eliwood fan. His average stats pushed people away from liking him as much as the others, but I always looked up to his kindness. Eliwood / Ninian was an especially favorite pairing for my sappy teenage heart. Eliwood was just so romantic and sweet to me.

And though the game was made easier with international audiences in mind, the developers hadn’t invented all of the “easier/for convenience” features yet, so this is the last time we got to enjoy some “harder” features like needing to buy weapons during battles, and a convoy separate from the main lord. That’s cool if you like that stuff.

Unlocking the paralogues is hard though / 10

Favorites Tier

FE8

When it comes to FE8, while there’s plenty to like about the gameplay (despite the game being so easy, but again, like I said with Awakening, you can just set your own challenge rules), what I really love to ramble on about is the story and its emotional impact. Lyon is so precious and kind, but has so many inner conflicts stewing deep inside of him, leading him to elder magics, and… The Demon King is just ends up as a sideshow compared to Lyon coming face to face with his own demons. Both the characters - and many players, I’m sure - hope and hope to find a way to save him, but there just isn’t one. There are never any real leads. There’s nothing. Only the harrowing reality that some people cannot be saved, no, that some people do not want to be saved. The inevitability of Lyon’s demise, and seeing it all play out, packs a punch most plots can only dream of.

But it’s not like I won’t talk about the gameplay features either. Bringing back much of the best of FE2, the overworld map and everything to do really enhances the experience. I mean, yeah, I guess two side dungeons isn’t that much to get excited over, I can see that critique… but I didn’t care, it allowed me to easily chase support conversations, and (with some RNG abusing to obtain enough Boots and money to buy the stat-boosting items, but hey, whatever it takes) I could max out my characters’ stats and truly “complete” a Fire Emblem game.

Sacred Stones is so awesome.

Finally! A postgame! I sure hope the developers keep this up in all the future games… oh. / 10

FE9

This is the first FE game I ever played, so it will always occupy the most dear and special place in my heart, even if FE4 eventually won over as my favorite.

Do you believe in first sight? I do, and this is what taught me it’s real. From the first second of the first cutscene, I was enthralled. ...And that’s saying something, when the FE9 cutscenes are the kind of thing only a mother could love. But I just knew. I may have been a wee lass of 14, but I knew a love that would last a lifetime was being born. ...Or that would at least last 14 more years. I can’t predict the future. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and hate Fire Emblem with a burning passion? 2020 has taught me that tomorrow is always a big fat question mark.

Fun fact: in case you are wondering exactly what inspired my very initial interest in this series, it was a TV commercial. Probably this one. I just remember Ike running, of all things. My sibling and I both thought FE9 looked interesting from this commercial, and sought out the game all on our own with zero private knowledge that anything FE even existed.

This is where obsessions are born. Or mine at least. / 10 

FE4

As I’ve established, this is my favorite of favorites. The bizarre way money, arenas, items, and more were handled, actually made the game more and more fun for me. Big maps are just so fun. Gen 1’s story is a tale for the ages, and Gen 2’s story is… well, classic FE, which never gets old for me. It will never cease to amaze me even today what the SNES/S Famicom could handle.

All I’d want added is a “warp between conquered castles” feature. I’m completely neutral on a remake otherwise. Of course a lot more could be added and detailed upon that I’d be happy for, but that’s my one specific wish.

Calvary Emblem Forever / 10

Bonus:

FEH

I played this game every day for around 2 ½ years before I finally felt I had to break the habit, so I’m not leaving it out! This title got a lot of flack for simplifying FE gameplay, but… looking at it that way completely disregards the niche app games fill, and the interesting ways developers view what type of games app games should be, and how the developers work hard to both innovate for the format yet stay faithful to the source. It is surprisingly deep, and the maps + higher focus on unit skills make you think entirely differently about how to win in what is, in essence, the same gameplay as the main series.

Plus, what fan couldn’t get suckered into the fanservice of it? My best moments include attaining a +10 Nephenee while only spending money to get 2 of her, the other 9 were all F2P orbs; and becoming a Narcian/Valter shipper after supporting them on impulse because they were both on my flier team, and realizing the sick, twisted chemistry afterwards. Discovering rare-pairs is fun.

Also, finally, this game dared to nerf magic users a bit by making them RNG 2 only. If only the main series could do something like that.

I really enjoyed Heroes a lot, I just quit solely because it was a time drain. It was time to move on and play other things. And I’m glad I got out when I did. Seeing the game stoop to over-the-top powercreep (above and beyond what it was always implementing) and add the monthly service to keep the $$$$$ raking in was hard to watch.

Perfect app-style game gameplay-wise and fanservice-wise, but why aren’t gacha illegal yet / 10

FE Warriors

Oh yeah, this game exists too! It’s a Warriors game. If you like the formula and it never gets old for you, you’ll have fun with this game. If you don’t mind the limited game representation too much, you’ll have fun with this game. For me, the answers to those questions were a yes, so I enjoyed FE Warriors. Yay for wailing on hordes of enemies / 10

[kourdem]

What is Artificial Intelligence?

what is artificial intelligence? that I even have websites that provide educational materials about cyber security but what you don’t know is that last week i published a book called cyber security for the digitally challenged it’s an interactive electronic book designed for people who are not technical don’t have any background in cyber security if this description fits you then the book is supposed especially for you the book is free and should be easily downloaded at the tunes

 bookstore now back to AI i don’t realize you but once i used to be young i remember going to the 1964 world’s fair and seeing incredible and amazing futuristic devices general motors had a pavilion called the future of reality and the city of tomorrow and it had been the very first time that i saw what they called a picture phone but my first real inspect artificial intelligence began when i first started watching the Jetsons meet George Jensen is jane his wife remember once we all thought that that would be our future well variety of the predictions did come true video calling devices robotic vacuums electronic banking just to call a few of what most people don’t realize is that artificial intelligence is all around us AI is all around us you’ll see it when Alexa answers one of your questions when your email gives you a suggestion of what to reply with or even once you put a photograph on Facebook and it recognizes your face it’s so commonplace at the moment that tons of people like me are now asking what’s this all leading towards today we ask siri to pay our favourite music things like hey siri please play the beetle oh yeah or hey google what time is it in sunshine beach Australia it’s 4 28 a.m in sunshine beach Australia that’s just not a random request actually my daughter and her family live in sunshine beach Australia when you’re asking to talk to siri Alexa or google your lecture an artificial intelligence agent and this ai is learning your personal preferences the more you use the device the more it learns and the more accurately it can anticipate your every need when someone mentions artificial intelligence what’s the first thing that comes to your mind now most people imagine a military of human-like robots that are repelling against society well a few of fit few people like myself have a more positive um thinking about community envisioning a bright future so what exactly is artificial intelligence it’s definitely not a magical program that can think kind of person's it’s things like virtual companions the controlled gaming surgical robots personal assistants and other devices that we use each day to make our lives better and more efficient now it had been within the mid-1950s that John McCarthy who was a Stanford researcher coined the term AI and he would define it because the science of engineering at the science and engineering of making intelligent agents McCarthy presented his definition of artificial intelligence at a conference on the campus of Dartmouth College in Hanover New Hampshire within the summer of 1956 and this indicated the very beginning of ai research the concept of ai has changed over time but the goal has always been the same to really make computers think like humans during a nutshell ai’s goal is to make computer or computer programs smart enough to initiate the behavior of a human mind now it’s likely that you simply simply interacted with some kind of ai in your day-to-day activities probably even today if you use gmail you may enjoy the automated spam filters in fact according to google Gmail blocks a hundred million spam messages daily with its artificial intelligence agent next if you own a smartphone you probably fill out a calendar app with the help of apple siri or Microsoft’s cortina or Samsung’s Bixby and if you own a newer vehicle perhaps you’ve benefited from the driver-assisted feature while you're driving these are all possible thanks to artificial intelligence but as convenient and helpful as these products are they lack the facility to seek out out independently they can’t think outside of their code and most of you recognize that code is a written set of instructions that tells the ai what to undertake to to so here is where i would like to introduce you to machine learning and this a neighborhood of the presentation might get a little geeky machine learning could also be a branch of ai whose purpose is to supply machines the ability to seek out out a task without pre-existing code our ability to seek out out and acquire better at tasks through experience may be a component of being human when we’re born we all know almost nothing and can do almost nothing for ourselves but soon we’re learning and becoming more capable each day but did you recognize that computers can do the same machine learning brings together statistics and computing to enable computers to seek out out the thanks to do a given task without being programmed to undertake to to so just as your brain uses experience to reinforce at a task so can computers say you'd sort of a computer that can tell the difference between a picture of a dog and a picture of a cat you'll begin by feeding it images and telling it this one’s a dog that one’s a cat a computer program to seek out out will seek statistical patterns within the data that will enable it to acknowledge a cat or a dog in the future it'd determine on its own that cats have shorter noses which dogs are available a much bigger kind of sizes and then represent that information numerically organizing it in space but crucially it’s the pc not the programmer that identifies those patterns and establishes the algorithm by which future data are getting to be sorted one example of a simple yet highly effective algorithm is to hunt out the optimal line separating cats from dogs when the pc sees a replacement picture it checks which side of the road it falls on then says either cat or dog but actually there are often mistakes the more data the pc receives the more finely tuned its algorithm becomes and the more accurate it are often in its predictions machine learning is already widely applied it’s the technology behind facial recognition text and speech recognition spam filters on your inbox online shopping or viewing recommendations credit card forward detection then much more at the university of oxford machine learning researchers are combining statistics and computer science to make algorithms which can solve more complex problems more efficiently using less computing power from medical diagnoses to social media the potential of machine learning to transform our world is really mind-blowing machine learning could also be a could also be a rare sorry machine learning may be a neighborhood of research in computing that studies a special kind of instruction called algorithms algorithms are a gaggle of step-by-step instructions used to do something an algorithm is really only a gaggle of rules as an example if you sort your laundry before you’re washing it you use an algorithm if the algorithm is to put the white laundry on the left pile and the colored laundry on the right pile and you repeat until you’re done this is an algorithm it’s just that simple machine learning uses a gaggle of instructions that improve automatically based on experience in other words what makes machine learning algorithms different from others is that they’re able to learn from the data that we feed them image recognition could also be a exemplar every day we’re getting image recognition more involved so on help us with our personal daily lives if you see some strange looking plant your friend is growing in their living room simply point google lands at it and it will tell you what it's if your discord friend uploads a photograph of their new cat and you'd wish to understand what breed it's just run a google image reverse search and you’ll determine what it's even self-driving vehicles need to know where they can drive which may be a road where are the lanes where they're going to make a turn what the difference is between a red light green light and amber light where the stop signs are well you get the message as you will see image recognition could also be an enormous a neighborhood of deep learning and it are often both cool and scary so how does it work here’s a basic explanation in order for that car to know what a stop sign looks like it must tend an image of a stop sign the machine will read the stop sign and through a selection of algorithms it will then study the stop sign and analyze how the image goes to look by going section per section what color is that the stop sign what shape is it what’s written thereon how big is it always and where is it usually seen during a driver’s peripheral vision things like that if there’s any errors scientists can simply correct them once the image has been completely read it are often labeled and categorized but why stop with one image in our perspective we don’t really need to think for half a second on what a stop sign is and what we must do once we see it we’ve seen numerous stop signs in our lives it’s almost embedded in our brains so the machine must read many different stop signs for better accuracy that way it doesn’t matter whether the stop sign is seen during foggy or rainy conditions during the night or during the day because the machine has seen a stop sign many times it can know it’s a stop sign just by watching its shape and color alone all of that sounds really cool right but it can also be scary if you upload and replica your photos go check out your photos if you haven’t sorted anything you’ll notice that google has done it for you there’s a category for places things videos and animations and maybe others and if you attend things you’ll see that google has sorted your photos into albums supported where google thinks they belong so you’ll have photos labeled as food beaches trains buses and whatever else you will have photographed within the past this is all due to the work of google’s image recognition analysis it has analyzed over 1,000,000 photos on the internet your photos your friends photos strangers photos and any photo that appears on google image search it’s not just google that uses image recognition also if you upload a photo and facebook recognizes your friends it will automatically tag them so yes it’s quite creepy considering it’s a privacy concern but some people may appreciate the convenience anyways because it saves a short time no matter how cool or scary it's image recognition plays a huge role in society and will still be in development many companies are continuing to implement image recognition and other ai technologies the more we'll automate certain tasks with machines the more productive we'll be as a society now because the video described an image recognition machine could even be given millions of pictures to research after going through many changes the machine acquires the ability to acknowledge patterns shapes faces and even more speech recognition is another exemplar of this there are two basic kinds of artificial intelligence the first is weak ai which is additionally known as narrow ai this type of ai can handle only one task at a time for example it can select your favorite song from spotify select your favorite movie from netflix filter your email spam or instruct a self-driving car the second is what’s called strong iai and it’s also mentioned as artificial general intelligence or agi this is much more sophisticated this type of ai refers to a system which is able to affect a generalized task much like an individual's agi as it’s abbreviated can successfully perform any intellectual task that an individual's can this sort of ai is this is that the ai that we’ve seen in movies like her and other scientific movies during which humans interact with machines and operating systems these artificial intelligent agents are conscious they can sense things and are driven by emotion and self-awareness but for machines to understand a true human-like intelligence they need to be capable of experiencing consciousness and as far as as far as today this has not happened hello i’m here oh hi hi how you doing i’m well how’s everything with you pretty good actually it’s very nice to meet you now that’s just slightly excerpt from her for all of you that never saw the movie you need to it’s quite interesting efforts to advance ai concepts over the over the past 20 years have resulted in some truly amazing innovations let’s inspect a few of meet digit manufactured by agility robotics digit is envisioned to help lookout of people in their homes assist with disaster response and deliver packages to front doors with its nimble limbs and a torso packed with sensors digit can navigate complex environments and perform tasks like package delivery digit could also be an immediate descendant of cassie agility’s first robot in may 2019 ford motor company and agility announced a partnership to develop a last mile logistics solution that combines ford’s autonomous vehicle technology and agilities digit this is pepper manufactured by softbank robotics pepper is that the world’s first social humanoid robot that is able to recognize faces and basic human emotions pepper has been adopted by over 2 000 companies around the world perfect in retail and finance industries pepper has numerous functionalities including increasing store traffic by attracting the attention of shoppers creating memorable in-store experiences stimulating purchase and retained customers pepper can also gather comprehensive data to enrich the customer base and generate shopper insights this is atlas the world’s most dynamic humanoid robot built by boston dynamics an organization that was previously owned by google and now by softbank thanks to its state-of-the-art hardware and algorithm that allows it to quickly understand instructions with its 28 hydraulic joints 4.9 feet of height and 176 pounds weight the robot can perform both impressive and terrifying acts including navigating uneven terrain jumping around a parkour course and doing somersaults all these activities demonstrate human level agility so the robot are often perfect for search and rescue operations and performing human tasks in environments where humans couldn't survive introducing spot a robot dog designed for industrial uses such as carrying goods through a warehouse and inspecting a far off site with an unfavorable environment for human operators it can run at 5.2 feet per second has 360 degree cameras and can operate in temperatures ranging from 4 to 113 degrees fahrenheit with its api and versatile payload interface the robot are often easily customized for desired tasks spod is additionally manufactured by boston dynamics and is now being leased to eligible companies these are truly amazing but now let’s inspect how ai learns typically there are three learning method methods supervised learning unsupervised learning and something called reinforcement learning in supervised learning the computer scientist would label the correct answer and ai would learn the pattern by comparing the proper answer with other possible answers in unsupervised learning the scientist would provide the proper answer and thus the algorithms would infer patterns from the data set without reference to the known or labeled outcomes now this may get very very technical the last is known as reinforcement learning and it really plays a very very minor role in training ai but it’s very almost like training an animal giving them reinforcement when the animal displays the required behavior it’s given a present now this gets to be very complex and very geeky so that’s about all that every one the knowledge that i’ll give you now computers and other ai applications are everywhere today it'd be almost impossible to go through your entire life without using any quite artificial intelligence we use cars atms tvs and these all contain computers and ais with ai assistants here’s slightly song to help you remember televisions cars airplanes traffic lights computers are everywhere around us computers are everywhere around us i know that’s silly but i assumed it might cause you to smile let’s inspect a few of straightforward applications of ai that probably most of you use first siri is one of the foremost popular personal assistants offered by apple on the iphone ipad and thus the apple watch she helps to hunt out information get directions send messages make voice phone calls open applications and add events and even add events to my calendar siri uses machine learning technology in order to urge smarter and capable to understand natural language questions and requests next is netflix and netflix needs no introduction it’s a widely popular content on demand service that uses predictive technology to provide recommendations on the thought of your reaction interest choices and behavior once you choose films the technology examines content to reconnect sorry to recommend movies that are based on your previous liking and your reactions now remember netflix is turning more and more intelligent every single year as it get gathers more data on you next is pandora and pandora is considered the world’s most powerful music discovery platform it uses a proprietary algorithm to determine which music to play for you at any given time it’s also called the dna of music because depending upon 400 musical characteristics the team of expert musicians individually analyzes the song and the ai algorithm then recommends the song to you on your personal playlist next is nest and it’s made by google and nest is one of the foremost famous and successful AI startups google acquired it in 2014 for 3.2 billion dollars and thus the nest learning system thermostat uses behavioral algorithms to save you energy supported your behavior and schedule it uses a very intelligent machine learning process that learns the temperature that you simply simply like and programs itself during a few week moreover it'll automatically pack up to save energy if nobody is reception next is my favorite and it’s a flying drone they’re variety of my favorite toys they indicate a robust machine learning system that can translate the environment into a 3d model through its sensors and camera videos sorry and and thus the and video cameras they magically fly which they return home safely almost to the precise spot where they left from amazon echo and apple’s homepod are amazing these are revolutionary products which can assist you to seem the web for information schedule appointments shop control lights and switches and thermostats answer questions read you audio books report traffic weather provide you with information on local businesses provide sports scores and your schedule just to call a few of smart watches are awesome which i always own one actually i’m such an electronic junkie that i always got to have the foremost up-to-date version of the apple i watch smart watches are equipped with advanced ai and will monitor your every move within the old days we’d walk 10 miles to highschool within the snow or so we thought and now we've smart watches and phone apps and AI wearables to tell us exactly how far we’re walking or running and they also track our pulse the number of calories burned and many other metrics artificial intelligence is gaining popularity at a quicker pace influencing the way that we live and interact with our surroundings the internet of things is growing larger every day and internet of things devices cannot function without AI and AI needs iot devices to be of greater use to humanity these technologies hold the power to transform our lives when it involves ai it’s difficult to truly know where we’re headed but we’ve come so far so quickly the thing is today that we don’t realize when we’re in-tuned with artificial intelligence because we’re getting so used to the technology doing new and amazing things each day that we don’t start to stop to believe the science behind the gadgets or the programs.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume 6, Number 5

Courtney Marie Andrews

The lockdown continues, and live music has disappeared, replaced by a somewhat antiseptic and unsatisfying spate of live streamed shows mostly one person with a guitar on the couch in their living room.  We salute the courage and the effort but miss bands and audiences and even the chatter drifting in from the bar area.  In the meantime, at least for now, there are still lots of new records vying for our attention.  We present this Dust to catch up with some of them.  It’s an ecletic survey of contemporary classical, vengeful hip hop, psyche, jazz, folk and metal artists, all continuing to try to navigate a very difficult period.  Our writers this time include many of the usual suspects, Bill Meyer, Ray Garraty, Jonathan Shaw, Andrew Forell, Tim Clarke, Jennifer Kelly, Tobias Carroll and Patrick Masterson.  

a•pe•ri•od•ic—For (New Focus Recordings)

for a•pe•ri•od•ic by a•pe•ri•od•ic

Silence is a rhythm, too, and a•pe•ri•od•ic dances to it repeatedly throughout their second recording. The Chicago-based ensemble has traversed the new music continuum, performing music by composers from Peter Ablinger to Christian Wolff. Sometimes that silence isn’t quite what you want to hear — the COVID-19 pandemic cut short its tenth anniversary spring season one concert too soon — but it proves to be rich loam from which to grow music on this CD. All four of its pieces were composed specifically for the group by individuals who recognize the merit of non-imposing sounds. That knowledge derives in part from the fact that three of the composers also perform with the group, but also from their long-standing engagement with post-Cage-ian and Wandelweiser material. Director and pianist Nomi Epstein’s descriptively entitled “Combine, Juxtapose, Delayed Overlap” feels like a ceremony intermittently perceived through an opening and closing door. Billie Howard’s “Roll” tucks the composer’s whispering violin behind muted French horn and voice, wringing intensity from the effort one must apply to following its retreating sonorities. Vocalist Kenn Klumpf’s “Triadic Expansions (2)” moves in the other direction, sprouting ivy-like from the slenderest branches of sound. By comparison, Michael Pisaro’s stately “festhalten/loslassen” is a veritable riot of unwinding tonal colors. As the decade ticks towards year eleven, rest assured that a•pe•ri•od•ic is searching for the next promising idea.

Bill Meyer

 Agallah — Fuck You The Album (Propain Campain)

Fuck You The Album by Agallah

This is a personal vendetta album. After more than 25 years in the game, Agallah has got to settle the score against the whole world. To say he just has a chip on his shoulder would an understatement. Thirteen songs of pure hate with the title quite properly reflecting its content. In his fight, the rapper strips down all the artistry, including the production. Known for making beats for other hip hop acts, Agallah here not only uses barely serviceable beats, he doesn’t even makes pretense he needs beats. Almost all the tracks work as a capellas. His gruffy voice and arrogant flow don’t need sonic support. And what support can you expect from the world full of phonies, liars, actors, pretenders, cowards and fair weather friends? “Stop pretending, my career is not ending,” he almost screams on “Telling Lies To Me.” If this CD feels like a dinosaur in 2020, then it says that it is not something wrong with this album but with the world.

Ray Garraty

 Courtney Marie Andrews — “Burlap String” single (Fat Possum)

Old Flowers by Courtney Marie Andrews

As the eponymous song of 2018’s May Your Kindness Remain amply demonstrated, Courtney Marie Andrews’ pipes are not to be fucked with. But while that was perhaps the most vivid depiction yet of her abilities, the Phoenix native’s delivery can be just as powerful on a muzzle. Such has been her approach thus far with what we’ve heard from Old Flowers, originally slated for an early June release but since pushed back to July (or beyond, who knows). The post-breakup lyrical territory was initially revealed with first single “If I Told,” but it’s the gently loping “Burlap String” I’ve had on repeat for much of the past month. Ever ended a relationship with someone and regretted it? Lush piano and a sighing slide guitar tell you Courtney has without her ever having to utter a word, and much of the song is an illustration of the internal conflict that lingers long after you’ve made the call. I’m inclined to write out the whole second verse here, but it’s the end of the third that lingers as Andrews evokes barely holding back tears: There’s no replacing someone like you. That ensuing pause runs bone-deep, its implication clear — no amount of Mary Oliver can save you from yourself.

Patrick Masterson

 Dennis Callaci — The Dead of the Day (Shrimper Records)

Some albums could be said to hum. In the case of the latest from Dennis Callaci, that’s meant literally: many of the songs on his new album The Dead of the Day feature warm clouds of feedback or droning organ notes. It’s a companion piece to his recent book 100 Cassettes, which features thoughts on musical icons throughout the year. This album’s focus is more insular: some of the songs have a drifting, improvised feel to them. But Callaci also taps into some terrifically subdued songwriting veins here — “Broadway Blues Pt. II” recalls the haunted dub-folk of Souled American, and Franklin Bruno’s piano lends a propulsive dimension to the ruminative title track. And on “Scoreless,” Callaci teams with his Refrigerator bandmate (and brother) Allen Callaci for a song that slowly builds from acoustic foundations to something modestly grandiose. Contrary to what its title might suggest, this album feels very much like a document of one man’s life.  

Tobias Carroll

 Cameron / Carter / Håker Flaten — Tau Ceti (Astral Spirits)

Tau Ceti by Cameron / Carter / Håker Flaten

Tau Ceti is a planet that is hypothesized to be similar enough to Earth that it could potentially support similar life forms. The three musicians that recorded this tape may come not come from the same system, but they fall into a harmonious orbit around a common circumstance — they were all in the same swanky studio, Halversonics, on a particular winter day in early 2019. One supposes that whatever they were rotating, they move towards the source of heat, since Tau Ceti builds slowly from chill acoustic exploration to a fuzzed-out solar flare. As they progress, abstraction burns away and velocity increases. It’s a gas to hear Ingebrigt Håker Flaten and Lisa Cameron lock in behind Tom Carter’s increasingly gritty sound-bursts.

Bill Meyer  

 Tim Daisy — Sereno (Relay)

Tim Daisy - Sereno :: music for marimba, turntables and percussion (relay 028) by Tim Daisy

Sometimes the timing of even the most tuned-in drummer is foiled by external circumstances. Sereno was supposed to signal the end of an intense phase of solo practice by Tim Daisy. His intentions for 2020 included making an album of duets and writing music for two ensembles. But at press time he, like everyone else, is hunkered down with his family, and everything he had planned is on hold.  

Daisy’s stint as a primarily solo artist coincided with a reconsideration of identity; he wasn’t just a drummer, but a multi-instrumentalist and an orchestrator of electro-acoustic sound. Sereno is split between three elegiac marimba solos that showcase Daisy’s instinct for deliberate melodic development and five much denser constructions for imprecisely tuned radios, playing and skipping records, and Daisy’s strategically reflective drumming. If this record is the only new music that Daisy puts out this year, it leaves us with plenty to think about.

Bill Meyer

  Kaja Draksler & Terrie Ex — The Swim (Terp)

On the surface, this looks like quite the odd couple. Terrie Ex Is a Dutch electric guitarist in his mid-60s who still goes by his punk rock name. He’s a ferocious improviser whose scrabbling instrumental attack incurs intensity from any ensemble that doesn’t want to get bowled over, and he knows more Ethiopian tunes by heart than anyone on your block. Kaja Draksler is a Slovenian pianist exactly half his age whose recent projects include a fast-paced, idiosyncratically balanced trio with Petter Eldh and Christian Lillinger, and an octet for which she sets Robert Frost poems to a combination of chanson, Baroque chamber music, and thorny free improvisation. But neither got where they are by letting fear deter them from a musical challenge, and both of them have a fine awareness that one way of understanding their respective instruments is that they are pieces of wood with wires attached. Given that common understanding of music as a combination of coexisting textures and assertive actions, they work together quite well on this CD, which documents a performance that took place at London’s Café Oto in 2018. Scrape meets sigh, jagged fish-hook pluck meets sparse wire-damped drizzle, instinct meets intuition, and when the disc is done, it’ll seem quite sensible to dive back in and swim the whole length in reverse.

Bill Meyer  

 Errant — S/T EP (Manatee Rampage Recordings)

errant by errant

Errant is the one-woman project of Rae Amitay. Some listeners of metal music may be familiar with Amitay’s work, as vocalist for death-grind-hybridists Immortal Bird and as drummer for the folk-metal act Thrawsunblat. For Errant, Amitay has created songs and sounds that have little in common with those other bands’ aesthetic extremities. “The Amorphic Burden” may prompt you to recall the melodic black metal that Ludicra was making toward the end of that band’s storied run, or the sludgy drama of Agrimonia’s most recent record. In any case, Errant’s sound skews toward more luminescent atmospheres. Production values are largely pristine; Amitay wants you to hear clearly every string and cymbal strike. It makes sense. She plays a bunch of instruments well, and that’s part of the point: that one woman is producing all the sounds, and all the affect. She ends the EP with a cover of Failure’s “Saturday Savior,” and it’s the least interesting thing on the record. But even there, she presents the listener with something worth hearing. Her clean vocals are lovely, disarmingly so. What may be most impressive about this early iteration of Errant is the extent of Amitay’s talents, and how those talents allow her to encroach on the hyper-masculine territory of the “one-man” act.

Jonathan Shaw  

 Field Works — Ultrasonic (Temporary Residence)

Ultrasonic by Field Works

Stuart Hyatt’s latest compilation in the Field Works series is an absolute beauty — and timely given it’s being released during a pandemic whose origins may be linked to bats. The field recordings that the contributors used to create the music on Ultrasonic come from the echolocation of bats, and the approaches tend towards rhythmic or atmospheric. At the rhythmic end of the spectrum we have Eluvium’s majestic opener “Dusk Tempi,” akin to his work on Talk Amongst the Trees. Mary Lattimore’s glimmering harp patterns are fitting accompaniment to the chittering bat sounds on “Silver Secrets.” And Kelly Moran’s prepared piano on “Sodalis” sends the listener down a hall of mirrors, chased by gorgeous bass tones. At the more abstract, atmospheric end of the spectrum we have Jefre Cantu-Ledesma’s radiant “Night Swimming.” Christina Vantzou blurs the line between the sounds of modular synthesis and bat sonar on “Music for a Room with Vaulted Ceiling.” And on Sarah Davachi’s “Marion,” the listener is immersed in a luminous halo of nocturnal overtones. Wherever the artists venture, this is a varied yet consistently evocative collection.

Tim Clarke  

 FMB DZ — The Gift 3 (Fast Money Boyz / EMPIRE)

The Gift 3 was initially set to be released in December 2019 but was postponed until now. DZ’s “Merry Christmas, pussies!” on one of the tracks doesn’t sound so odd, though, because the whole world has plunged into a constant holiday. The new album continues two trends. It carries on the “ape” theme from the previous album Ape Season. “Ape Activities,” “Keep It on Me” and “No Features” are the grittiest tracks from a disc where the prevalent mood is a sick worry. DZ made it out of the hood but had to be on the lookout as the enemies are out to get him. The other trend is that The Gift 3 continues the ideas of The Gift series. The songs have a usual verse-hook structure, are poppier and more relaxed than on Ape Season. DZ, thankfully, doesn’t try to sing anymore but hires some singers on choruses. The hardest track here is “High Speed” with Rio Da Yung Og where Detroit/Flint duo spit vicious lines.

Ray Garraty

  Hala — Red Herring (Cinematic)

Detroit multi-instrumentalist Ian Ruhala wears his heart dripping from his sleeve on “Red Herring” his latest record as Hala. Skipping from the yacht rock of “Making Me Nervous” to the country blues of “True Colors” via power pop, The Kinks and Tom Petty, Ruhala manages to create a thread with deceptively simple melodies and the sincerity of his delivery.  There’s more than a touch of Kevin Barnes in the voice and the delight in throwing genres at the wall to see what sticks and, like Barnes, some of it fails to adhere. The pleasure here is in the sense of eavesdropping on the process and reveling in unexpected flourishes that refuse to be ignored.  

Ruhala writes a smooth love song and isn’t afraid to turn up the guitar or address politics on standout “Lies” - “I’m eating breakfast with the fascists/Oh man they stand about ten feet tall/My mouth is bleeding at their proceedings/They get their courage through a plastic straw” It may not be Guthrie but he makes it work through a leavening wit and a mid-tempo vamp straight from the solar plexus. “Red Herring” suffers somewhat from its stylistic roaming but a fundamental big heartedness and willingness to reach makes it an enjoyable trip.  

Andrew Forell�� 

 Las Kellies — Suck This Tangerine (Fire)

Suck This Tangerine opens with a loose groove and a grime smeared highlife guitar line, the voice enters with ironic invitations over choppy Gang of Four chords. In the new one from Las Kellies, Argentinian duo Cecilia Kelly and Silvina Costa sling taut bass lines and slash guitars over mutant disco rhythms for 12 tracks of slinky indie dance. Drawing on elements from Leeds, London and the Bronx, Kelly and Costa add dubby space and South American humidity to their sound, to elevate the album beyond the sum of its influences.  

Kelly handles guitar and bass, wielding the former like a cross between Andy Gill and Viv Albertine and unfurling loose funky serpents with the latter. Costa swings between ESG and The Bush Tetras and incorporates an array of hand drums that deepen and enliven the rhythmic pulse. There is a palpable and joyful chemistry between the two evidenced by their easy interplay and enhanced by the production that gives clarity and elbowroom to each instrument. If the lyrics can tend toward the perfunctory, they are delivered with a winking insouciance on put downs like “Close Talker” and “Rid Of You”.  Suck This Tangerine is a worthy addition to the growing collection of feminist post-punk inspired albums we’ve been dancing to of late.  

Andrew Forell  

 Mint Mile — Ambertron (Comedy Minus One)

Ambertron by Mint Mile

Silkworm, the band, may have ended in 2005 with the death of drummer Michael Dahlquist, but its legacy of slow, gut-socking heaviness, mordant wit and muscular guitar lives on, first in Bottomless Pit and now in Tim Midyett’s new band Ambertron. Midyett’s voice and clangorous baritone guitar is instantly recognizable, of course, to anyone who loved Silkworm, but the band diverges somewhat with the pedal steel played by Justin Brown of Palliard, weaving eerily though the slow buzz and moan of “Likelihood.” Jeff Panall, from Songs:Ohio, plays the hard, heavy drums that undergird these songs, giving them structure and forward motion. Other players include Matthew Barnhart from Tre Orsi and Horward Draper from Shearwater. Greg Normal of Bitter Tears contributes a mournful bit of trumpet to “Fallen Rock,” and Chicago alt-country mainstay Kelly Hogan takes the lead in “Sang.” The music is raw and morose; even dense strings can’t quite lift the gloom in “Christmas Comes and Goes,” a song as raw as late November in Chicago. And yet there’s a sort of resilience in it, a strength that comes through persistence. “If we could only find a way to bank the time we had together,” sings Midyett in “Giving Love,” his hoarse voice full of ragged loss, his guitar raging against it all and not quite beaten down even now.

Jennifer Kelly

 Gard Nilssen’s Supersonic Orchestra — If You Listen Carefully the Music Is Yours (Odin)

If You Listen Carefully The Music Is Yours by Gard Nilssen´s Supersonic Orchestra

Perched atop his drum stool, Gard Nilssen sits where styles converge. He’s supplied the controlled boil that drives the free-bop combo Cortex, laid down some heavier beats with Bushman’s Revenge and exemplified long-form lucidity with his own trio, Acoustic Unity. In 2019, the Molde Jazz Festival recognized his versatility and forward perspective by anointing him the artist in residence. Besides showcasing his ongoing projects and accompanying heavy guests from abroad, most notably Bill Frisell, he got to put together a dream project. This 16-piece big band, which includes members of Cortex, Acoustic Unity, and the Trondheim Jazz Orchestra, is it. With the assistance of co-arranger André Roligheten, Nilssen has taken some of his trio’s sturdy melodies and turned them into frameworks for boisterous but subtly colored performances. With three basses and three drummers, this could have been either a mess or an uptight game of “you first,” “no sir after you.” But the rhythm crew shifts easily between swinging unisons and refractory elaborations. Roligheten often plays two saxophones at once in smaller settings, and one suspects that he has a lot to do with the rich colors that the horns paint around the featured soloists.

Bill Meyer  

 Matthew J. Rolin — Ohio (Garden Portal)

Ohio by Matthew J. Rolin

The ghoulish image on the j-card belies the sounds encoded upon this tape. Matthew J. Rolin is a relative newcomer to the practice of acoustic guitar performance; the earliest release on his Bandcamp page was recorded in late 2017. But he’s catching on fast. Switching between six and twelve-string guitars, he serves up equal measures of ingratiating lyricism and immersive surrender to pure sound. Opener “Red Brick” slots into the former category, with a heart-tugging melody that keeps doling out turns that’ll keep you wondering where it’s going and backtracks that’ll ensure that you never feel lost. “Brooklyn Centre,” on the other hand, grows filaments of string sound out of a pool of prayer bowl resonance centering enough to make you cancel your mindfulness app subscription due to perceived lack of need. Rolin develops ideas situated between these poles over the rest of this brief set, which runs just shy of 28 minutes and definitely leaves one wanting a bit more.

Bill Meyer

 Nick Storring — My Magic Dreams Have Lost Their Spell (Orange Milk)

My Magic Dreams Have Lost Their Spell by Nick Storring

What Jim O’Rourke did for the music of Van Dyke Parks and John Fahey on Bad Timing, Nick Storring does for Roberta Flack’s on My Magic Dreams Have Lost Their Spell. The Canadian composer may not have O’Rourke’s name recognition or past membership in a very famous rock band going for him, but consider these parallels. He’s a handy with quite a few instruments, he’s an inveterate assistant to other artists across disciplinary lines, and he functions with equal commitment and fluency in a variety of genres. For this record, his first to be pressed on vinyl (albeit in miniscule numbers), Storring uses the lush string sound of Flack’s 1970s hits as a launching point for deep sonic immersions that are considerably more emotionally oblique than their inspirations’ articulations of loneliness and surrender. When he goes melodic, the cello-led tunes seem to reach for something that they never touch, and when he goes for slow-motion density, the music imparts an experience akin to watching the sort of cinematic experience where you can’t tell if you’re seeing a really slow take or the film has frozen at a single frame.

Bill Meyer

 Sunn Trio — Electric Esoterica (Twenty One Eight Two Recording Company)

Electric Esoterica by Sunn Trio

Sunn Trio, from Arizona, makes sprawling, multi-ethnic psychedelia that juxtaposes the scree and groan of heavy improvisational rock with the otherly chords and rhythms of the Middle East.  Opener “Alhiruiyn” slicks a trebly sheen over its surging, rampaging improvisations, more in the vein of Black Sun Ensemble than Cem Karaca.  But “Majoun” layers antic percussion and tone-shifting bent notes in a limber evocation of the souk.  “Roktabija The Promulgator” blasts a strident, swaggering surf riff, about as Arabic as “Miserlou” (which is, in fact, Arabic).  “Khons at Karnak” buzzes with hard rock aggression, but shimmies with belly dancing syncopation.  Because of the name, the preoccupation with non-Western cultures and the Phoenix mailing address, you might think that Sunn Trio is aligned somehow with Sun City Girls, but no.  All kinds of weirdness lurks in the desert out there, lucky for us.  

Jennifer Kelly  

 Turbo, Gunna & Young Thug — “Quarantine Clean” single (Playmakers)

Despite the subject matter’s potential (ahem) virality, “Quarantine Clean” slipped out almost unnoticed in early April and is the kind of muted performance Young Thug doesn’t get enough credit for (while, curiously, his followers often get too much derision for). For all of Thugger’s hyperfluorescent hijinx over the years that have produced earworms like, say, “That’s All” and “Wyclef Jean,” there’s another side that shows up in stuff like “The Blanguage” and “Freaky” where he lets the words do the work; that’s the subterranean sonic world we’re living in here as he opines on God’s role in the pandemic and why he’s lost so much money but still has to pay for his parents’ penthouse (which: welcome to the revolution, pal). Thug’s acolyte in slime Gunna, meanwhile, does most of the song’s heavy lifting with duties on the first verse and chorus, but it’s pretty hard to tell the two apart, such is the slippery restraint both opt to exercise here. The real star, then, is beatmaker Turbo, whose buoyant anchor melody is complemented by what sounds like a lilting flute. It’s a light touch from all parties, a mellow mood well suited to our time of collective party-eschewing shelter. Run that back in prudence.

Patrick Masterson

 Various Artists—Ten Years Gone (A Tribute to Jack Rose) (Tompkins Square)

Ten Years Gone : A Tribute to Jack Rose by Various Artists

A decade on from the too early passing of the great American Primitive/blues/raga player Jack Rose, Arborea’s Buck Curran gathers friends, collaborators and younger artists inspired by Rose for a gorgeous tribute to the master. Mike Gangloff, who played with Rose in Pelt and Black Twig Pickers, leads off with a plaintive, sepia-toned fiddle lament (“The Other Side of Catawbwa”), while next generation experimental droner Prana Crafter closes with an expansive, space folk reverie (“High Country Dynamo”). In between, old friends like Sir Richard Bishop evoke Rose’s full-blown orchestral guitar playing (“By Any Other Name”) while young pickers like Matt Sowell take up the trail forged by Dr. Ragtime. Isasa from Spain and Paulo Laboule Novellino from Italy attest to Rose’s global appeal. It’s mostly guitar, but not entirely; Helena Espvall from Espers contributes a brooding, reverberant “Alcantara” on cello. Curran’s own “Greenfields of America (Spiritual for Jack Rose)” is slow and thoughtful, letting long bent notes ring out with liquid clarity; it’s a hymn and a prayer and a testimony to the wide influence of an artist gone too soon.  

Jennifer Kelly

 Emily Jane White — Immanent Fire (Talitres)

Immanent Fire by Emily Jane White

Emily Jane White gets tagged as a folk singer, but on this, her sixth full-length, the Oakland songwriter brings a fair amount of goth-tinged drama. Taut string arrangements and big booming drums lift “Infernal” well out of the woman-with-guitar category, and White sounds more like PJ Harvey or even Chelsea Wolfe than a sweet voiced strummer. Immanent Fire sticks, topically, to environmental concerns with track titles like “Washed Away,” “Drowned” and “Metamorphosis.” A foreboding creeps through the songs, pretty as they are, even piano lit “Dew” asks “Does poison drop like the dew?” Arrangements, by Anton Patzner, the composer, arranger and violinist of Foxtails Brigade and Judgment Day, give these cuts weight and heft, punctuating eerie melodies with thick swathes of strings, rumbling percussion and keyboards. The disc culminates in “Light” which begins in a whisper and climaxes in drum-shocked, orchestral swoon. Soothing background music it is not.

Jennifer Kelly

 Z-Ro — Quarantine: Social Distancing (1 Deep Entertainment / EMPIRE)

An unexpected seven-track EP bears an expected title from a Dirty South legend. Z-Ro’s usual topics — trust and loneliness — gain a new meaning in the time of social distancing. To keep away women who only want his money is a necessary precaution now. To be at the corner at the party is a rule for survival. Z-Ro is on his ground counting his dough alone in the house. Earlier he did it so no ‘shife’ (the title of one of the tracks) friends could rob him, now it’s just to obey quarantine rules. The first half of this EP is a bit muddled by unnecessary intros and reggae tunes but the second one hits hard. As always with Z-Ro, the hardest content takes the gentlest form (“Niggas is Hoes” especially is almost a pop song). On the final track “Life of the Party” Boosie Badazz drops by, giving his verdict on the pandemic: “Fuck Corona!”

Ray Garraty

[erineverly]

            FATHER’S  DAY.  each  year ,  while  other  children  and  adults  hit  the  stores  looking  for  the  most  adorable  cards ,  colorful  bouquets  and  other  sweet ,  thoughtful  gifts ,  erin  attempts  to  ignore  even  the  tiniest  things  that  could  remind  her  about  the  loving  dad  she’s  never  had.  as  the  radio  stations  across  the  country  play  songs  dedicated  to  all  these  admirable  parental  figures  who  have  inspired  their  offsprings  to  achieve  great  things  in  life  and  the  commercials  on  the  tv  speak  only  about  spoiling  the  ones  who  have  taught  the  future  generations  how  to  be  better  people ,  she  pretends  she  doesn’t  hear  the  obvious  messages  they  carry  and  avoids  turning  these  two  devices  on.  she  even  goes  as  far  as  trying  to  convince  herself  that  everything’s  simpler  and  better  the  way  it  is  —  she  doesn’t  have  to  spend  hours  wondering  how  to  honor  her  dad ,  how  to  be  more  creative  than  her  siblings ,  how  to  outdo  herself  and  whatever  gift  she  gave  him  the  previous  year.  she  doesn’t  want  to  be  pitied  and  tries  to  play  it  cool  but  deep  down  it  tears  her  heart  to  pieces.  unfortunately ,  there’s  nothing  that  can  be  done  to  change  it.  her  father  has  been  gone  for  exactly  twenty  years ,  absent  physically ,  as  well  as  emotionally.  he’s  missed  all  of  her  birthday  parties ,  all  of  her  recitals  and  school  plays ,  wasn’t  there  to  teach  her  how  to  drive  a  car  or  fix  a  dripping  faucet  or  even  just  watch  her  fly  her  first  kite  at  the  shore.  all  he’s  left  her  with  are  thousands  of  scars ,  the  constantly  bleeding  wounds  that  refuse  to  gradually  go  away  as  time passes ,  and  the  only  lesson  he’s  ever  taught  her  is  how  to  question  every  person,  or  rather  every  man ,  who  tries  to  offer  her  his  LOVE.  he  doesn’t  deserve  to  be  called  a  father  and  for  two  decades  erin’s  tried  to  erase  this  day ,  behave  as  if  it  was  just  another  sunday  in  june ,  as  though  there  was  nothing  special  about  it.

            however ,  ever  since  learning  that  she’ll  become  a  parent  herself  this  november ,  she’s  been  thinking  a  lot  about  her  own  childhood  and  how  it  shaped  her  into  the  person  she  is  today.  her  father’s  absence  is  the  reason  why  she  constantly  questions  her  worth  and  worries  her  husband  will  one  day  abandon  her ,  too.  her  mother’s  authoritarian  personality  is  the  one  to  blame  for  her  shyness  and  anxiety ,  her  extremely  protective  nature  the  cause  for  erin’s  childish  and  naive  behavior.  her  parents  have  never  been  perfect  but  she’s  been  doing  her  best  to  try  and  understand  them ,  forgive  and  learn  how  not  to  repeat  their  mistakes.  she’s  been  thinking  about  all  the  difficulties  that  come  with  parenthood ,  all  the  struggles  and  tears.  it  terrifies  her ,  makes  her  wonder  if  a  person  as  broken  as  herself  is  fit  for  this  extremely  important  and  challenging  role.  the  only  thought  that  can  put  a  genuine  smile  on  her  face  and  keep  her  sane  today  is  the  one  that  crosses  her  mind  every  time  her  stormy  gaze  flickers  to  her  husband’s  bright  emeralds  —  their  child  will  never  feel  the  way  she  has.  they  will  never  feel  worthless  or  inadequate ,  unloved  or  unwanted.  their  child  will  have  someone  who  deserves  to  be  called  not  just  farther  or  dad  but  daddy  or  DADA.  someone  who’ll  truly  care  about  him  or  her.  although ,  the  first  few  weeks  have  been  nothing  but  a  gigantic  struggle  for  both  of  them ,  it  seems  that  they’re  finally  coming  to  terms  with  the  fact  that  their  lives  are  inevitably  changing.  this  giant  responsibility  has  landed  upon  their  shoulders  a  little  sooner  than  expected  but  she  doesn’t  want  to  pull  her  hair  out  or  cry  all  night ,  anymore.  she  wants  to  hope  for  the  best  and  enjoy  their  time  together  as  a  family.  

            today  is  an  extremely  special  day  because  not  only  is  it  axl’s  first  ever  father’s  day  but  also  the  very  first  father’s  day  that  erin’s  truly  excited  about  and  wants  to  celebrate  to  the  fullest.  their  baby  hasn’t  even  been  born  yet  but  her  husband  has  already  made  her  believe  that  he’s  a  better  man  and  a  better  father  than  don (  or  william ,  or  stephen ,  or  any  other  sperm  donor  in  this  world  ).  he’s  proven  that  he  can  be  the  kind  of  parent  everyone  wants  to  have.  he  hasn’t  left  her  alone  with  this.  he’s  been  extremely  caring  and  supportive ,  even  though  she  can  tell  that  this  new  role  isn’t  something  he’s  adjusting  to  easily.  for  this  very  reason ,  as  a  little  thank  you for  his  kindness ,  she’s  decided  to  give  him  an  unforgettable  day  —  one  that’s  solely  about  him.  first ,  she  let  him  sleep  in ,  get  some  much  needed  rest.  then ,  she  made  him  heart - shaped  waffles  for  breakfast  and  brought  them  on  a  wooden  tray  to  their  bedroom.  later ,  they  went  for  a  long  walk  with  their  dogs  and  got  ice  cream.  and  now  she’s  taking  him  to  malibu ,  to  their  favorite  spot ,  the  same  one  where  many  years  ago  they  had  their  first  real  date  and  realized  they  had  fallen  in  love  with  each  other.  if  she  closes  her  eyes  even  just  for  a  moment ,  she  can  still  see  this  young ,  bashful  boy  with  dreams  bigger  than  both  of  them  and  a  heart  so  full  of  affection  and  devotion ,  love  for  her  that  it  could  barely  fit  inside  his  chest ,  his  porcelain  skin  basking  in  the  sun ,  his  green  eyes  reflecting  the  color  of  the  ocean.  at  the  time ,  he  was  as  poor  as  a  rat  but  he  still  made  sure  her  stomach  was  full  and  her  mind  at  ease.  he  brought  homemade  food  and  even  somehow  found  a  picnic  basket  ( to  this  day  she  has  no  idea  where  he  got  it  from  ).  it  was  a  magical  date ,  one  of  the  most  memorable  dates  ever  for  sure.  it’s  hard  to  believe  that  shy  boy  is  going  to  be  a  father  in  a  few  months  and  the  third  sunday  of  june  will  always  be  all  about  him.

            as  they  stroll  along  the  shore ,  bathing  in  the  warm  glow  of  the  afternoon  sun ,  erin  can  barely  take  her  eyes  off  of  her  husband.  her  husband.  she  still can’t  believe  he  really  is  her  husband,  not  her  boyfriend.  husband.  while  she  continues  to  gaze  at  him  as  if  he  hung  the  stars  and  the  moon ,  she  comes  to  the  conclusion  that  neither  the  ocean ,  nor  the  blue ,  cloudless  sky  above  their  heads  can  compete  with  his  beauty.  the  corners  of  her  lips  twitch ,  a  look  of  sheer  happiness  passes  over  her  visage.  she  has  to  admit  that  despite  being  insanely  handsome ,  he  also  looks  a  bit  ridiculous  (  or  rather  ridiculously  adorable ) with  his  red  bandana  no  longer  tied  around  his  head  but  wrapped  tightly  a  few  inches  lower ,  covering  his  starry  eyes ,  preventing  him  from  peeking  and  ruining  the  surprise.  she  can’t  let  him  see  what’s  awaiting  him.  it  has  to  be  kept  secret  until  the  very  last  moment.  after  all ,  that’s  what  makes  things  even  more  exciting.  erin’s  right  arm  remains  draped  around  his  slim  hips ,  guiding  him  and  making  sure  he  doesn’t  lose  his  balance  now  that  she’s  taken  away  one  of  his  senses.  the  sand  is  warm  beneath  the  soles  of  her  bare  feet  (  she  could  barely  wait  and  took  her  wedges  off  the  second  she  parked  her  car  and  got  out  of  it  ) ,  tiny  grains  falling  from  her  skin  with  each  step.  she  blissfully  lifts  her  chin  a  little  higher ,  closing  her  eyes  for  a  second  as  the  salty  breeze  flows  through  her  dark  ringlets  and  kisses  her  rosy  cheeks.  her  blue  cotton  summer  dress  billowing ,  delicate  fabric  dancing  in  the  wind ,  threatening  to  uncover  what’s  beneath.  it  makes  her  giggle ,  has  her  feeling  all  carefree  and  joyous.  her  fingers  curl  a  little  tighter  around  axl’s  hip  as  she  pushes  herself  up  onto  her  tip  toes  and  plants  a  gentle  kiss  on  his  cheek.  she  wishes  they  could  spend  the  rest  of  their  lives  right  where  they  are.  ❛  alrighty !  it’s  right  in  front  of  you ,  ❜  she  softly  coos,  coming  to  a  stop.  ❛  are  you  ready  ?  ❜  to  finally  see  what  this  grand  surprise  is.  she’s  thrumming  with  a  combination  of  nerves  and  excitement  as  her  slender  fingers  carefully  work  on  undoing  the  knot.  with  his  red  strands  and  the  summer  wind  in  the  way ,  it  takes  her  a  good  minute  to  succeed.

            right  before  them ,  in  a  more  secluded  area  of  the  beach ,  with  a  beautiful  cliff  on  one  side  and  azure  waves  crashing  against  the  shore  on  the  other ,  erin’s  created  their  charming  picnic  spot.  all  she  needed  was  an  ounce  of  creativity.  when  combined  with  some  stunning ,  exotic  flowers ,  a  bohemian  teepee  tent ,  a  few  fire  logs  (  in  case  they  decide  to  stay  long  enough  to  watch  the  sun  set  on  the  horizon  and  it  gets  cold  )  and  some  sweet  treats ,  it  resulted  in  a  picture  perfect date  plan.  with  a  little  help  from  her  brother ,  erin’s  managed  to  make  it  look  more  than  just  decent  —  something  straight  out  of  a  movie  or  a  fairytale.  the  linen  walls  of  the  tent  are  meant  to  protect  them  from  the  wind  and  keep  the  bright  rays  away  from  her  husband’s  porcelain  skin.  garlands  made  of  lilies  and  peonies  adorning  the  entrance ,  their  smell  a  combination  of  sweetness  and  happiness.  inside  the  teepee ,  to  make  it  even  more  cozy  and  inviting ,  there’s  a  pile  of  soft  blankets  and  a  bunch  of  colorful  pillows ,  as  well  as  a  picnic  basket  with  all  kinds  of  delicious  teats  underneath  its  lid.  there’s  also  a  blue  bag  —  a  little  gift  from  their  unborn  child  to  the  greatest  daddy  in  the  world.  inside ,  among  torn  rose  petals  and  a  few  other  presents ,  he’ll  find  a  t-shirt  that  says  dada  bear  and  a  tiny  onesie  that  says  little  bear ,  an  album  with  pictures  of  them  and  captions  explaining  (  in  simple  yet  poetic  words  )  their  journey  together  from  the  night  they  met  to  the  day  they  found  out  they  were  having  a  baby ,  a  brand  new  video  camera  so  that  they’ll  be  able  to  record  all  the  precious  moments  with  their  son  or  daughter ,  a  tape  with  some  of  their  favorite  songs  turned  into  lullabies  that  her  brother  and  his  friends  had  worked  in  secret  for  weeks  on  and  a  red ,  heart - shaped  card  .  .  .  a  small  letter  from  their  baby  to  him ,  written  in  erin’s  handwriting :  

           happy  father’s  day,  daddy  !            it’s  the  very  first  one  that  we’re  celebrating  and  i’m  just  a  teeny  tiny  human  now  but  i  already  want  to  tell  you  so  many  things  !  first  and  foremost  — I  LOVE  YOU  SO  MUCH !  i  love  you  the  mostest  !  and  even  though  you  sometimes  doubt  yourself ,  i  know  that  you  are  the  best  daddy  in  the  whole  wide  world  and  i  am  so  grateful  that  it’s  you  i’ll  get  to  learn  from  in  the  future.  my  favorite  part  of  each  day  is  the  one  when  you  talk  or  sing  to  me ,  or  when  you  kiss  and  hug  me.  i  can’t  wait  to  finally  meet  you  and  fall  asleep  in  your  arms  or  on  your  chest  or  even  in  my  crib  with  you  watching  over  me  but  i  have  to  be  patient.  just  a  few  more  months ,  daddy.  i  may  not  be  able  to  give  you  many  precious  gifts  now  but  i  promise  to  draw  plenty  of  pretty  pictures  just  for  you  in  the  future  !  i’ll  bake  thousands  of  cakes  and  cookies  for  all  your  favorite  holidays  and  i’ll  sing  all  of  your  favorite  songs  in  the  car  with  you.  i  can’t  wait  to  finally  hug  you  back.  next  year ,  we’ll  do  all  these  fun  things  that  dads  and  their  babies  do  !  i’m  looking  forward  to  meeting  you  and  celebrating  many  more  father’s  days  with  you  —  the  coolest  daddy  in  the  universe  !              i  love  you  so  much ,              your  teeny  tiny  rose.

            clutching  her  husband’s  red  bandana  in  her  left  hand  and  squeezing  his  wrist  with  her  right  one ,  erin  carefully  studies  his  expression.  her  heart  has  somehow  left  her  chest  and  is  now  beating  within  the  confines  of  her  throat ,  not  even  the  delicate  breeze  can  carry  away  all  of  her  worries.  what  if  instead  of  making  him  happy ,  she’ll  only  stress  him  out  ? what  if  he  gets  upset  or  decides  the  gifts  she’s  picked  for  him  are  too  cheesy  ?  she  can  only  hope  it’s  not  too  much  for  him  to  handle.  after  all ,  she  wants  this  day  to  be  special ,  not  terrifying  and  stressful  for  him.  ❛  happy  father’s  day,  axy,  ❜  she  whispers ,  pressing  her  lips  to  his  soft  cheek  and  kissing  it  again.  her  hand  curling  a  little  tighter.  ❛  our  lion  cub  wanted  to  do  something  nice  for  his  or  her  favorite  dad  and  so  .  .  .  this  is  what  we  came  up  with.  we  know  you  like  picnics  and  the  ocean  ?  i  got  applesauce  and  peanut  butter  sandwiches  ?  happy  first  father’s  day ,  baby.  ❜

☆  ;  @thornrosed​

[lunias-takes-on-homestuck]

My Classpects Through the Years

I started getting into Homestuck in late 2012, about a year after [S] Cascade dropped, and like most of y’all I got pretty interested in the system of Classes and Aspects.

...Okay, I got obsessed with it. Who wouldn’t? A highly-flexible system of essentially taking an aspect of reality and interpreting it through the lens of a key verb or idea, creating unique and self-determined power sets limited only by your own imagination? That’s wild. And when I say I got into it, I mean I really got into it. I dove deep into Homestuck’s lore, reading up on popular and somewhat fringe theories about what each Aspect related to, how the Classes utilized them, what the potential Active/Passive pairings were, and how certain Aspects seemed to oppose each other. I even went so far as to contribute to a theory regarding the future of Tavros Nitram, which... didn’t exactly pan out as expected... but it was a ton of fun! And of course, while I was certainly interested in what this all meant for our cast of characters, I was also interested in how it could be interpreted and/or applied to real people.

People are, of course, far more complicated than a simple personality test could possibly explain, but I still got a lot of entertainment out of trying to pin down the classpects of characters or people I knew irl. Which naturally included me. Looking back on it, I think it’s very interesting to see the progression in ideas that led up to my more recent musings, so I figured it would be cool to dive into that and share my past and current classpects here!

Credits:

All images are pulled from the Homestuck Classpect Chart Updated posted by JosiahR94 on DeviantArt.

Artists: Zynchilada (compiled, partially drawn) and Owyn (updated at original resolution). Both blogs listed on the artwork have since been deactivated.

2012-2013 - Knight of Breath

This one is the byproduct of some test manipulation on my part - the fan test I was using was based on MBTI and Jungian archetypes, and honestly I’ve never found them to remain accurate for longer than a couple months at a time. I’ve wound my way around four different MBTI results over the years so I’m not inclined to use them as the basis for much, especially since the original test included fan-created classes and aspects that I really didn’t understand or jive with. But even once I narrowed it down to strictly canonical classes and aspects, I still wound up going with the 3rd-most accurate one. At the time I saw the Knight as the Active Exploiter class, the type to jump into action and wield their aspect as a weapon. I really related the idea of a detached loner who was fiercely protective of their friends, and John had shown off very, very recently (for me, anyway) just how powerful wind could be. The powers were sick, the outfit was neat, and it was absolutely wrong in nearly every way. Nearly. But we’ll get to that.

2013-2015 - Seer of Doom

You’re probably a little familiar with this one if you’ve been keeping up with Homestuck theorists lately, as there are two prolific content creators I know of who identify as Seers of Doom. For some time, I did too! The change was largely brought about because I thought my initial Knight of Breath result hadn’t been accurate enough, and also because I wanted to try my hand at classpecting myself without the aid of tests. At the time I was really feeling the Doom aspect and I saw myself as a guide (or maybe a teacher?) so it felt like it fit. There was just one sliiiight problem - I was entirely focused on how the Doom aspect related to the problems I was having in my life, rather than how I viewed the world around me and interacted with it. I still felt like I was sort of onto something with Doom, but it took some major life events to give me the nudge I needed to see things a little more clearly...

2015-2020 - Sylph of Life

For me, 2015 felt like the year I was finally coming out of my funk and figuring my shit out. It’s the year I started taking college courses (well, a college course), getting into meetups, making new friends, and reinventing myself. At some point I decided that the issue with my initial Doom analysis was that I was overly focused on the challenges I had instead of how I actually dealt with them, and my new aggressively-optimistic outlook would simply not mesh with Doom. Not one bit. I also felt that my class didn’t quite fit, and Sylph was sitting right there with their magick-y healing and creation powerset -- the ultimate support, and the type of person who makes their own way through life by simply refusing to accept they could be stopped or put down by anything. By the time the Extended Zodiac Quiz came out in 2017 and confirmed I was Lifebound, I had already proven to be on top of my game in college in a creative field. I joined our LGBT+ club and started somewhat aggressively railing against overly-restrictive labels and social constructs in Contemporary English to the point that I was exceeding the page limit on our essay assignments on a regular basis and still felt I wasn’t saying everything I wanted to say. Sylph of Life just clicked for me in a way the Knight of Breath and Seer of Doom never had, so I figured I’d nailed it.

Then, earlier this year, I found out I was actually a girl.

2020-Present - Knight of Life... or maybe Heart???

Imagine for a minute that you’re at a theater watching some movie through the perspective of the protagonist. You think you’ve got the plot all figured out, you’re guessing every story beat, and then in the last 5 minutes the big twist reveals the protagonist has unwittingly been an unreliable narrator for the last two hours. Literally everything you thought you understood has been flipped on its head, and it’s still good but it’s all very confusing. You leave the theater wondering what you just watched, and as you turn on your car you suddenly realize there were subtle hints foreshadowing the twist for over half the film. With every passing second the pieces start coming together, and you just know that watching it again would leave you going “How the hell did I miss that?!”

That’s about the best way I can explain what I’ve been experiencing for the past four-ish months. All the puzzle pieces I had put together were thrown totally out of whack and I’m finding every day that there are aspects of myself and my personality that I never knew where there. Discovering myself is hard work, but it’s a wonderful feeling, and it’s no wonder that on the heels of this I’m seriously vibing with the aspect relating to Personal Identity. That said, I still find myself parsing labels and identity through the lens of Life - words which are too restrictive to properly convey who I am, and an experience that can’t be explained or constrained by the stereotypical narrative people tend to have about people who are bisexual, polyamorous, transgender, and at once more complicated than those words can really describe. When I take the Extended Zodiac Quiz I find that I’m still Lifebound, but changing even a single question by a single step leaves me Heartbound instead, and I think that dichotomy really mirrors where I feel I’m at as a person.

Class-wise, I feel drawn to both Sylph and Knight to a degree, but in the years since I first chose the Knight of Breath classpect I have come to understand the class as a Passive Server - one who gives for the benefit of others - and that speaks to me. The wonderful Mythological Class Quiz by @homestuckexamination has only confirmed my suspicions about that. I have yet to decide between Knight of Life and Knight of Heart, but they’re both very interesting classpects imo, and either way I’m sure I’ll be spending far too much of my free time developing powers and things for them :P

Takeaway

Whew, that’s a lot of words! But what exactly does it all mean? Well... if you ask me, Classpecting is sort of a process. I’m sure that, years down the line, I’ll probably say I had it all wrong and I’m actually some other combination of class and aspect, and I’ll reminisce about the days when I was so obviously misreading myself. But that’s kind of the fun of it, isn’t it? It’s just another form of personality quiz, albeit one where you get sick powers and a nifty set of pajamas at the end. And for all the good that introspection can do to help you understand yourself a little better, you better believe I’m going to be spending the next hour or two debating whether passing out heals and buffs while tanking everything would be more cool than body-surfing and turning enemies into clones à la Agent Smith in The Matrix: Reloaded.

[determinationisnotcrash]

‘Like Gunbuster, but with Dudes’

I wanted to try and capture the passionate, energetic tone of a scene from one of my favourite OVAs in writing, so I attempted it with characters from the GB Discord I’m on.

Kit belongs to @topazshadowwolf

Impact belongs to me.

The scene this is a reference to is this one!

“I-I… I can’t go on…!”

“Impact!?”

The raptor’s jet abruptly halted, formation breaking as Kit unintentionally overtook him in this strange space. Hurriedly fumbling with the controls, the half-Blaster turned on the commlink to reveal his friend huddled in the cockpit, trembling.

Concern for the larger, yet younger skeleton welled up inside him. What had happened to make him break down all of a sudden…!?

Impact’s voice was usually either calm and controlled, or completely over-the-top and bursting with energy. But now… “I can’t do it anymore…! It’s useless… all useless…!”

Flashes of what the Papyrus described to him of his home timeline ran through his mind. It was likely that this wasn’t something sudden – rather, it had been festering inside him ever since he first mutated. “Impact…”

“Even if we succeed in our task, there’s no point to it all! The Ray Empire’s still choking the Earth! With the Emperor hoarding all the power for himself, he could easily rip away everything from us at any moment!”

The beast brought his misshapen forepaws in front of his face, clenching and unclenching them. At the stage he was at now, they could barely be called hands anymore. “I’m trapped in this disgusting body, which could give out and degenerate at any moment! And…!”

He slumped against the controls with a pathetic-sounding ‘thunk’. “There’s no one waiting for me back in my home world! My friends and family are all gone… and there’s nothing I can do about it. With neither past nor future… I may as well just die!”

Kit pressed his paw-like hand against the monitor, as if trying to physically reassure his friend. “Impact… please get yourself together. If this continues, we’re both done for!” As if to emphasise this, the massive aircraft violently rattled, like caught in turbulence. Their enemies had taken advantage of Impact’s hesitation, bombarding the two with relentless attacks.

Regardless of his growing panic, Kit continued, “While you may never be able to return to the past, you don’t know what the future holds yet. You could have the chance to experience more happiness than ever before… but if you can’t take that step forward, you won’t be able to even try!

Now the lights within the craft were starting to flicker. More and more nightmarish shapes were latching onto their vehicles, trying to crush them. “This conflict… it’s grown beyond the scope of a single world. If we let the demons from between dimensions devour any of our worlds… no one will have a future! The entire universe – reality itself – will be eaten up by the Void, and not even Determination will be able to bring it back!”

Impact’s sobbing ceased, his body having gone still. Hope starting to well up inside him, Kit pressed through with his encouragement. “Doc, Sabre, Hikaru, Red… all of them are counting on us to get through this! They chose us to be the ones who would venture through the gap, stop all the demons, and save everyone!

“If we fall here, everything that’s happened up ‘till now… everything that will happen… it’ll all be for nothing! For the sake of our world… for the sake of the people living within it… we need to go on!”

The half-Blaster voice cracked, putting every last drop of his emotion into his plea. “So please, Papyrus…! Fight!”

…

…

…

After what felt like an eternity… Impact rose up. His eyes were filled with resolve. “Kit… I understand. We fight together!”

“Impact…!” Despite the dire situation, the Sans couldn’t help but grin. Eagerly, almost as if on autopilot, his arm shot to the special ‘MODE’ lever. From ‘transport’ mode to ‘battle’ mode! “I’ll focus on the weaponry and energy output. You just do your thing with the controls. I’m behind you all the way, bro!”

Kit’s grin was contagious, a huge toothy smile spreading across the Papyrus raptor’s maw. “Alright…! LET’S DO IT!” With a burst of light, the demons clinging to the planes were blown away! The two vehicles drifted closer to each other, glowing as the fusion sequence started.

As the machines combined, Impact’s thoughts wandered back to his Sans and Undyne. Sans… Undyne… watch me, from wherever you are. I’ll see this battle through to the end. 

The planes underwent several shifts as they merged together, each movement far faster and more complex than the untrained eye could follow. After mere moments, the light disappeared to reveal a humanoid shape. Two flames had united to form an inferno! The True Dimension Knight, warrior of justice! Defender of the innocent! Saviour of all Earths… had finally arrived!

Like moths drawn to a flame, dozens- no, hundreds of skeletal dragon-like demons swarmed towards the steel titan, rushing through the interdimensional space like ravenous sharks in pursuit of their prey.

The Blasters’ response? “Impact, remember the plan. We just need to make it to the centre of the Dimensional Gap. That would be… right past these guys.”

“Kit, shall we use ‘that’?”

Kit let out a genuine chuckle. “Heh, I thought you’d never ask.”

“UUUUUUOOOOOOHHHH---!” A battle roar exploded out of the main pilot as he launched the machine up into the ‘air’.

Within the mechanical knight’s hands, a giant sword materialised! A glowing golden weapon, illuminating the darkest of nights and cleaving through evil!

“ULTIMATEEEE…”

“HEAVEN-MEETS-EARTH…”

“SWOOOOOORD!”

True to the second pilot’s philosophy, the strongest attack came first. The blade of light cleaved through the abominations effortlessly, leaving titanic explosions in its wake. It slowed down in time to reach a floating chunk of rock, using it as a temporary foothold.

Despite the sun’s rays being unable to pierce this space, it nevertheless glinted off the mech’s armour. Its arms folded, announcing to the entire battlefield, “Don’t assume that this Dimension Knight is some random machine! Everyone’s legacy, from the past…”

His brother’s companionship.

Undyne’s fiery passion.

Alphys’ enthusiasm.

Toriel’s and Asgore’s warmth.

The compassion Frisk showed him, even if it was fake.

“Everyone’s dreams, for the future…”

Sabre’s kindness.

Doc’s care.

Red’s support.

Hikaru’s hope.

“THEY ALL LIE WITHIN IIIIIIT!”

The draconic helmet of the suit parted, revealing a mechanical Blaster head. It looked and functioned just like the real thing! An immense beam surged forth from the maw, blowing apart the formless monstrosities in their path with searing, pure magical energy.

A beep on Kit’s monitor alerted him to more danger. “Heads up, Impact!”

“Ah…!” Following his friend’s warning, he turned the mech’s head upwards, the blast coming with it. When he could see the giant meteor-sized ribcage bearing down on him… he had already bisected it. But that wasn’t the end of the demons’ counterattack. This time, Impact’s monitor was the one that flashed with the warning sign. “Kit! Incoming from below!”

“You got it! Beam Spikes, scatter!” The tail of the draconic mech whipped around with a slash, firing out several spikes as it did! With a force rivalling the most powerful of mother nature’s storms, the leviathans rising up from below were rendered harmless pincushions.

All this was enough to even inspire Kit, filling him with the energy to utter another speech of his own. “No matter how thick or smothering the darkness choking this world threatens to become… our hearts will only shine brighter!”

Impact would have given him an affirming pat on the back if he could. “Couldn’t have put it better myself! No matter what gets in our way, we’ll break through!”

As if in response to this challenge, wall-like beasts, living shields approached… their intent to hit them like trucks… but Impact wouldn’t allow that. “ROTATION LASERRR!” In a slick, fluid motion, he threw his shield and fired a sword beam, diffracting it off the spinning shield to slice through them all like butter.

Eager to seize upon this opportunity, he retrieved his weapon and rushed forward… but perhaps, he was a bit too eager. “Impact, pull back! We’re going too fast!”

Hundreds of blasts, made of choking darkness and equal in intensity to their own, obliterated the spot where the Blasters’ mech… used to be. Kit’s warning let Impact pull back just in the nick of time, separating the Dimension Knight into its component aircraft and evading the attacks!

Kit kept watch over the readings on his screens. Dodging everything while setting up a counterattack was a hassle… but pushed onwards by his motivation for a bright future, he could do it. Keeping one eye on the enemies outside, while the other eye on the system inside, he yelled to Impact, “Doesn’t look like the concentrated fire will let up! You know what to do next.”

Within the other aircraft, Impact grinned. If the enemies wouldn’t give them a break… then they would just have to make one! The jets boosted forwards as they re-combined, the humanoid figure already in a battle-ready stance. “HOLY GREATSHIELD!”

The knight charged, thrusting its shield forward as it smashed through the demons like a living battering ram. From a zoomed-out view, it would be as if the off-white clusters of twisted bones and teeth made way before this golden meteor!

Another boast left the pilot’s maw. “You think that’ll be enough to deal with the likes of US!?” Lowering its shield to expose its mouth, another blast from the mech tore through the unholy creatures.

Kit took advantage of this break in the enemies to check his display. “We’re almost at our destination! Just a little more to- WHOA!”

He barely had a second to react before he found himself almost literally holding up the heavens. A titanic planet, covering his entire vision, quickly came down on him. As if the mindless enemies were crowing, ‘There’s more where that came from,’ another living planet of bones and spikes rushed up at the mechanical knight from below!

Even the 250m steel titan started to struggle from this, the joints of its limbs creaking ominously as the pressure intensified… However, in stark contrast, the pilots were more composed than ever. Impact lightly chuckled, carrying the same air as someone who saw mildly interesting sight on a roadtrip. “Who would’ve guessed? That they could even become celestial bodies.”

Kit winked at his co-pilot. “The power of these things is truly astronomical, eh?” The Sans casually pressed a button, producing a blast to hit the ground beneath the mech. It didn’t even scratch the vast object.

“Not bad.”

“However… our own power – that of righteous hearts – is not to be underestimated!” Impact briefly closed his eyes, steadying his breathing… before announcing the mech’s true ultimate technique. “LIMITLESS LIIIIIIIGHT!” The golden glow about the mech intensified further, to almost blinding levels! It even burned his own body, every inch of him sizzling with pain… but for how much Impact was hurting, it hurt their enemies hundreds of times more.

With one last surge of energy, everything in the Blaster duo’s nearby area violently shook, before exploding in a flash of light! When all the smoke and flames cleared… the True Dimension Knight was still standing.

However… so were their enemies. If even one demon was left alive, it could reproduce endlessly and create more spawn. That was why…

“We’ve made it to the core. You ready, Impact?”

“Yes!”

The mech was powered by Light itself. If they overloaded it here, at the centre of the demon’s spawning grounds, it would certainly spell the abominations’ ends.

Kit entered the code for the self-destruct sequence, and the change was almost instantaneous. Unlike the golden, passionate aura that the two pilots could make it exude, it now took on an almost ethereal glow, indicating it wasn’t much longer for this world.

As the glow engulfed its body, it also spread to the space around it. The ghastly, roiling purplish-black of the Void began to clear, peeling away to reveal a pleasant, gentle blue sky beneath.

Kit and Impact couldn’t stay to appreciate the sights, though – it was still unknown what the Light would do to normal creatures. A lone jet, much smaller than the massive crafts that formed the mech, emerged from the Dimension Knight’s chest and sped away.

The remaining hellbeasts shrieked and writhed as they fizzled away into nothingness, like ghouls that vanished with the coming of dawn.

Impact turned his head back, looking for one last time at the remains of the creation that helped carry them so far. “Thank you for everything, Dimension Knight. This is farewell…”

Flying back to the portal from which they entered, the warriors returned towards their world… towards where their friends were waiting.

[fallenhero-rebirth]

Steel romance snippet

Steel, m!Sidestep, f!Ortega. Thief Sidestep wanting a new life. Villain name Anathema. SPOILERS. The discord dared me.

---

"What's this?" Your frown deepens as you stare into the Ranger's fridge, the contents as familiar as your own mind. Herald's low-fat yogurt, Ortega's stack of leftovers marked 'not for Angie', Steel's fortified meal replacement drinks and Argent's empty shelf right next to... yours? Clearly marked with your name.

"A peace offering." Steel's voice is soft for being inside the HQ, he sounds more like Chen the worried dog-dad than the Marshal right now. You don't know how to feel, you were just getting used to the one. Combining them feels... tricky.

"Did Ortega do this?" You don't bother to hide your suspicion, but the facts don't match. Ortega would have made a scene of it, like everything else. You have no idea how long that shelf have been in here before you finally found it.

"No. She..." Chen, because you have to call him that now, even in your head, now that he's being weird and personal and not scowling you out of the room. "I think she's afraid of spooking you again."

"Julia? Afraid?" Your face twitches a little, but his words match what you've noticed, the way her face contracts and closes up around you, as if she wants to drag you back to being best friends, but is afraid you'd just slip through her fingers again.

"She's not indestructible."

"Unlike you."

"I'm really not." He sighs, but keeps looking at you, so you close the fridge again.

"I need to go." You only came here to tell Argent that the timer is ticking and Dr. Mortum has promised to deliver soon. But she's not here, and you're not ready to stand here being strip-searched word for word by the Marshal.

"I'll join you." The words are awkward, but not a suggestion, and he falls in step with you as you head towards the elevator.

A familiar feeling. How many times have he seen you out of the building, not trusting you on your own?

When did it change? When did it become an act of companionship rather than a suspicious escort?

"Why?" You don't ask until the elevator doors have shut behind you.

"I wish I knew." Chen keeps looking at you, and you browse the surface of his mind, trying to figure out what he think he was answering. It's hard, the way it always is when it comes to business, he loosens up around Spoon, the dog is a safe outlet, no need to stay guarded then. Not like now. Not like with you.

And yet he keeps looking at you.

"You and me both," you answer, not knowing what the question was. It's been awkward between you lately, neither of you knowing how to deal with not being... not exactly enemies, but antagonists.

You still are, but you're wearing armor then, and he's wearing an all too familiar scowl.

"Let's get a drink." Yet again it's not a question, but Chen looks at you as if he's terrified you'd say no anyway.

"Why not?" You're on thin ice here, but if you can't read the Marshal, you can't outplan him, and you need to stay ahead of the game. Once the prototype is completed, you can strip your body clean of any evidence of your inhumanity, and then there's nothing stopping you from...

Your brain freezes in its tracks like a deer in front of a car as you realize you are looking at Chen's back as you follow him out of the elevator. The garage level. Where he keeps his car. You are looking at his back as if... that was one of your goals. Your aspirations. Which is ridiculous because you are doing all of this to build yourself a new life, scrub yourself free of your past, steal enough money that you never have to worry again and then just go somewhere... anywhere. Just live. Be anybody you want to be.

Free of your past.

The same past that's walking right in front of you, moving a little too stiffly. He should have let you adjust that shoulder, but he didn't trust you. Why do you have a shelf in their fridge?

Why do you want to kiss him?

No. You did not think that. Chen did.

You stop dead in your tracks, and Chen turns around and gives you a look, and you can see that he's wondering if you snooped, and you can see that he sees your blush, and you can see him getting angry, but you can feel him feeling betrayed, and your heart is breaking just a little bit so you do the only thing you can.

You kiss him.

He shouldn't have let you do that, he's big, but he's not slow, and he saw you move, and he saw you reach out, and there were three ways he could have turned that into an arm-lock, into a throw or just deflected your hands, but he didn't and now they are around his neck, pulling him down to meet your lips.

Why.

The answer is too simple for either of you. Because you want to.

He lifts you up in one, smooth, motion, pressing your back against the wall, the height difference shifting slightly in your favor. It would be threatening if your lips weren't locked together, and you wrap your legs around his hips for support.

What are you doing?

Both your thoughts, eerily in sync.

"Chen," you mumble his name into his mouth as you break the kiss at last. He keeps hold of you, as easily as he was carrying Spoon. "What are you doing?"

"You need to stop," he whispers back, and you don't get the feeling he's talking about the kiss, because he keeps holding you close, as if he's the one afraid you'd fade away. "Please."

"Maybe I don't want to." You kiss his mouth lightly, then his cheek, tongue tracing one of his scars, and you can feel the shiver running through him. "Maybe I can't."

"It's only a matter of time." His eyes narrow, and you don't need to read his mind to know what he suspects. That you are Anathema. Suspects. There's no proof, and as long as there's no proof there's nothing he can do. The kiss tastes a little differently once you realize that, a bit more of desperation.

"I've died once." This time you are the one whispering, resting your forehead against his. "I'm not letting it happen again." You pull back so he can see your eyes, see that's the only way he will take you in. Kill you.

He kisses you instead, softer this time, as an apology.

You should push away, but instead you just rest your head on his shoulder, arms around him, feeling his weight press you against the wall. Feeling his mind go over alternatives, upset and open, broadcasting in ways you are not used to. He could stop you. Take you in. Arrest you, and you stiffen slightly in his arms until his mind moves on because there's no proof. Because you've been clever. Because you've broken the law, again and again but you haven't actually killed anyone.

And he doesn't think you will. Except maybe yourself.

"I won't," you promise, whispering the words into his neck. "I want to live. That's the point."

"I don't understand." Is he pleading with you to explain yourself? To give him the proof you need? To make matters black and white once more instead of this murky gray.

"You can't," and there's something in the way you says that that makes him accept it. You still don't know what he found when he went looking for you after Heartbreak.

"There's one more reason," Chen says instead, gently putting you back on the ground. "One final reason why I didn't trust you."

"What?" you say, trying to summon up your usual defiance, but it just comes off as a nervous challenge. You're trusting him to bring this back to the usual status quo, because you're not sure you can. Or want to.

"Because I think I might have fallen for you," he admits, and it's a fall alright, into the dark, into the unknown, away from everything he was sure of. "Please don't make me regret it."

And with that he turns away and heads back towards the elevator, leaving you leaning against the wall, lips bruised and life upended.

You will, though. You will make him regret it.

Even if you don't want him to.

[buttsonthebeach]

Out of Time

@baisleac really challenged me with this commission, which features Aviselan Lavellan and Solas traveling back in time to Elvhenan! Thank you for trusting me with this idea and with your characters <3

************************

The Crossroads were always so still, Aviselan noted as she crossed through Morrigan’s eluvian. It was the lack of wind, she decided. There was something unnatural about it, and yet something that always felt so right - something that hummed in her mana, that made her think of everything she’d studied both in her clan and at Solas’s side once she became Herald and then Inquisitor. She could not help analyzing everything she saw as she waited for him to appear beside her - the color of the trees, the arrangement of the mirrors, the cracked stones at her feet. How many of her ancestors had walked here, and what had they been like? Now that she had been to the Temple of Mythal - had seen the sentinel elves in their gleaming gold armor, the exotic birds, the glowing paths, the Well of Sorrows - the question was even more present in her mind.

She felt Solas before she saw him - first the brush of his aura, then his hand curling gently around her own. He was like that now; quietly starving for her affection, even as he hesitated to show that need to others. They rarely touched in front of other people. But here, in the Crossroads, in this in-between world where there was only them - he did not hesitate to reach for her. Happiness fluttered through her chest at the thought. She squeezed his hand.

“Ready?” she asked, smiling at him. He nodded.

“What is this experiment you wanted my help with?” Solas asked.

“Well, the Crossroads is not the Fade and not our world, correct?”

“Correct.”

“I want to see which world it is more like - ours or the Fade’s. I want to see how it responds to our intent as mages. Are there any particular schools of magic that will react differently to this space, and so on.”

“And here I thought you just wanted to get me alone, vhenan.”

Aviselan’s heart fluttered again. She stopped, put her hand on Solas’s cheek, and drew him down to her so she could kiss him. For a moment the warmth of his lips against her own chased away every other thought - her thoughts about the army, still on its return trip from the Arbor Wilds, about Corypheus and whether or not he might find another eluvian, and how that was why she needed to fully understand the Crossroads, about her clan and her failure to protect them, that absolute, aching loss. Solas sighed softly into the kiss and put his hands on her waist, holding her close. For a moment, that was all that mattered. This man that she loved and trusted, and the knowledge they would soon share.

When he drew back, there was an anxiety in Solas’s gaze that hadn’t been there before. He wasn’t the most positive of men - his pessimism and arrogance had been the source of more than one fight when they’d first gotten to know each other - but Aviselan sensed something different about this. She’d sensed something different about him since their return from the Arbor Wilds. Perhaps he was as shaken by the Temple and all of its implications as she was.

“Let us find a place to begin,” she said, her tone soothing. Solas’s lips quirked up in a half smile.

They walked a little further into the Crossroads, until they were near a stone bench flanked by two of the strange metal trees, with a cracked eluvian behind it. It was a smaller mirror than those she had seen so far, inlaid with precious gemstones around the arch at the top, with designs etched into the sides of the mirror that she had seen carved into the aravels of other Dalish clans. How her chest tightened at that one small connection between her present and that long-dead past. Aviselan tested the eluvian with a flicker of magic and felt latent arcane energy seething just underneath its fractured surface. Curiosity filled her with warmth and light, loosening the tightness in her chest. Could this be activated? She reached for the whispering voices from the Well of Sorrows, but didn’t get anything clear. A sense of urgency, maybe, but no clear advice.

“It would not be wise to experiment much with this,” Solas cautioned, as if reading her mind. “A broken eluvian that still contains so much energy could do many unpredictable things.”

“True. But -”

“Aviselan.”

There was a warning edge to his voice, but she was already taking off her pack. This whole place - the way it made her feel, its alienness and its familiarity - she couldn’t believe that there was anything here that wasn’t her birthright as one of the People; that didn’t have something to teach her as a scholar. All her life she’d wondered about her ancestors, and no one could tell her to turn away now. She sent another wave of energy into the mirror, some of her storm magic mixed with a touch of spirit, and the surface of the eluvian rippled. Solid, liquid, solid. So perhaps it could be activated - if she found the right combination of energies - if the time magic Dorian and Alexius had worked on could open portals it might work here - if she just infused a little of that with storm to power up the eluvian and spirit to strengthen its connection to the Fade -

“Aviselan!”

Solas’s hand was on her wrist, trying to pull her back, but she was rooted to the spot. A loop connected her to the mirror now. She was sure of it. They were one and the same, and it was calling to her, and she had to answer that call - answer the voices she heard coming from beyond the silvery surface -

“No!”

Solas’s frightened shout, and the sound of shattering glass, were the last two things she heard.

*

The first thing Aviselan felt when she woke was pain. It covered every part of her, right down to her toes. She coughed and struggled to breathe through it. The second thing she noticed, as her magic flared outward with her panic, was the staggering amount of arcane energy swirling around her. It was more magic than she’d ever felt in her life - more magic than she’d ever felt anywhere except -

Except when she fell into the Fade at Adamant.

She forced her eyes open, expecting spectral shapes, floating rocks, sickly green light. Instead, she saw marble walls veined with gold rising all around her. The floor beneath her was marble too. And was the gold flowing through the marble, like a river through a riverbed? How was that possible?

Where was Solas?

She pushed herself up onto her elbows. There - he was also rising from the floor, groaning, but seemingly unhurt. His face was turned to her, and it was even paler than usual. Was he hurt after all?

“Vhenan - you are unhurt?”

“I think so. Where are we? There’s so much magic everywhere.”

Fear. Solas’s face was pale with fear. As Aviselan followed his gaze, she thought she knew why.

The eluvian behind her was riven with cracks; a dull, lifeless, broken thing. She didn’t even need to reach out with her magic (although she did anyway) to confirm that it was completely deactivated. Damaged beyond repair.

“No - Solas, we have to find another eluvian. We need to figure out where we are and we need to get back as soon as we can.”

The room they were in was small, and when she turned away from the eluvian and back towards Solas she saw an archway leading out of it into what appeared to be some kind of hallway. She thought she could see trees beyond that - maybe even a glimpse of the night sky? So perhaps it wasn’t a hall at all. But she needed to go out there and figure out what happened, as soon as she could -

Solas seized her by the waist and pulled her back before she could leave.

“No. Stay.”

She scrambled in his grasp, turning. “What? Are you insane? We have to figure out where we are!”

“Peace - keep your voice down.” There was an urgency and fear in his voice she’d heard only rarely in the months that she had known him.

“But -”

“We are in Arlathan.”

Aviselan’s mouth went dry.

“You mean - a version of it? A memory in the Fade?”

“No. I mean that we are in Arlathan as surely as we were in Skyhold this morning. As surely as you and Dorian were in a future version of Redcliffe Castle because of Alexius’s spell.”

There was a subtle tremor in Solas’s hands where they rested on her waist. His aura was a jangle of contrasting sensations and emotions. Elation and terror, sparks of arcane energy and whorls of frost. Aviselan looked away from him, back towards the marble wall with its rivers of molten gold. She shifted just enough to extend a hand and trace one of those rivers with her fingertip. The magic pulsed beneath her fingertip.

Arlathan.

“I can’t believe it. We still need to find a way back but - Solas, you can’t tell me you want to see what we can see. These are our people. This is the past we thought lost.”

Aviselan broke free of his grip, and stepped carefully towards the archway leading into the great hall. Arlathan. She was standing in a great hall in Arlathan. She was awash in magic and it felt so right. How had there been so much magic in this time? Why did it feel like she didn’t have to pull it from somewhere else, like it was just part of her and everything around her?

Then the other elves appeared, scurrying across the marble floor of the hall, supporting tables and chairs between themselves with bonds of Force magic, speaking Elvhen in hushed tones. They had vallaslin just like hers - the branches of Mythal’s tree crowning their foreheads. She wanted to go to them at once, to embrace them. She wanted to unwind time and stop herself from making that awful decision that led to the death of her clan so she could tell all of them about this.

Solas pulled her back once more.

“We can ask them what to do, where the nearest eluvian is,” she protested.

“Aviselan, no. It would not be wise for you to go out there. Let me go -”

“Why?” The hall was filling with more and more elves now. Aviselan could hear them. She couldn’t understand every word they said but she could catch most of them. Why wasn’t Solas as thrilled as she was by this? Why was he still so afraid?

“Your vallaslin,” he said. “Let me use a spell to hide it, or remove it -”

“Remove it?” She was stunned by the thought. Her vallaslin, her rite of passage, her last connection to the family she’d lost - her strongest connection to the living, breathing ancestors she now had before her. How dare he? “Why? Are you ashamed to be seen with your Dalish lover here amongst our ancestors? I just saw at least a dozen Elvhen with vallaslin so far, all Mythal’s like mine.”

“No! Vhenan, they are all -”

Aviselan left the alcove.

Her jaw dropped open as she crossed into the hall. Was hall even the correct word? It was a grand space, the floor made of the same marble as the alcove she had just left behind, the veins of gold still moving like water beneath her feet, and there were columns ringing the perimeter, but when she looked up, she saw only a night sky flooded by brilliant stars. When she looked past the columns on the other side she saw fantastical trees bathed in sunlight. And were those palaces in the distant sky, just like Solas had described to her once? All of this belonged to her people. All of this was what they had lost. Elves worked quickly around her, still moving tables into place. She wanted to take hold of the nearest one and tell them: I am here, I have come home, tell me everything, tell me how we let the humans take this from us. She wished the Well of Sorrows would whisper in her ear, give her some clue of what to do, but it was silent.

Then a woman appeared in front of her, draped in ropes of glittering jewels, with cream-colored silk beneath that. Her long delicate ears were cuffed in intricately carved gold. She was furious - and she had no vallaslin - and she was shouting at Aviselan. Her Elvhen was strangely accented, her grammar inverted, and Aviselan could only catch parts of what she was saying - but one word stuck out over and over and over again.

Slave.

“Please,” she interrupted in Elvhen. “Please, slow down. We need help -”

The woman was shocked. Her aura reverberated with it. She was powerful, one of the most powerful mages Aviselan had ever encountered. When her green eyes narrowed, Aviselan felt the way she had in Corypheus’s grasp at Haven. Like an insect.

“You need,” the woman enunciated slowly and carefully. “To remember your place, slave.”

Why did she keep saying that?

“Why do you think -”

Solas was at her side - a little in front of her, in fact, as if shielding her from the angry woman.

“Apologies, Ratha. She arrived with me only recently.”

His Elvhen sounded different now, too. Aviselan couldn’t follow what he was saying - partially out of shock, partially because of the language. How did he know her name? Why was the woman reacting differently to him than she had to her? She looked Solas up and down in confusion, eyes still narrowed, but the tone she responded to him with was respectful.

When the exchange was done, Solas took hold of her arm and guided her swiftly away, not back towards the alcove but out of the hall, to another antechamber beyond it. It appeared to be a small storage room of some kind, though the things being stored there were strange to Aviselan’s eyes - rods of fire, large vials of lyrium, runes, things any mage would hoard and treasure, tossed in what appeared to be little more than a broom closet.

“What just happened? How do you know your way around here? Was she - was she really calling me a ‘slave’?”

Solas took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. He looked so much older, suddenly. Like he could no longer hold back or hide the weight pressing down on him from all sides.

“Yes,” he said. “All the elves you saw who had vallaslin are slaves.”

Aviselan was going to float away. There was enough magic in the air to allow that, wasn’t there? Slaves. Her ancestors kept slaves. Mythal - All-Mother - the goddess she dedicated herself to, the goddess whose marks she wore on her face - kept slaves.

“How do you know this?” she asked. “How can you possibly - ?”

Solas looked away. “I have been trying to think of how to tell you - I would say since the events in the Arbor Wilds but that is not the truth. It has been since we kissed in the Fade. Since we kissed on your balcony. Since I could no longer deny how I felt about you. Vhenan -”

Solas seized her hands and held them tight. His eyes stared into hers. He was so afraid. For a moment she forgot about slaves and broken eluvians and the terrifying thought that no one in the Inquisition knew where they had gone, and only wanted to take his pain away.

“I want you to know - whatever else happens here - I was going to tell you the truth. No matter what happens, what we have is real.”

He squeezed her hands. It was just this side of pain.

“I know all of this because I have been in this palace before. Not in the Fade. In actuality. Because I served Mythal. Because I am who your people call Fen'Harel.”

It couldn’t be.

Aviselan pulled her hands from Solas's grasp. She stared at him - the man she loved, the companion she trusted - the man who had been so angry towards her people, who had such an odd style of magic, who could walk the Fade and speak Elvhen just as their ancestors had.

It could be.

“I know you must have questions. We cannot remain here indefinitely. I know a spell. I can remove your vallaslin so that no one treats you as a slave. That will buy us more freedom as we -”

Aviselan left the closet.

She strode out into the hall, taking gasping breaths, trying to sort through everything she knew now. I am in Arlathan. I am in Arlathan with Solas, the man who I call vhenan, and he is telling me that he is the Dread Wolf. She tried to sort through the emotions but realized there was no point. They were a tide and they were going to carry her where they willed. She just stood there, and stared, and tried to calm her racing heart, and watched as more and more and more people filled the great hall they'd left, as mages summoned ethereal instruments - no, they were all mages, there was not a single elf in that hall that was not using magic in some way. This is what we lost. A woman appeared and everyone bowed before her and her headdress was made of dragons retaining and that was her, Mythal, and those were her slaves at her feet -

“Kneel!”

That word had survived the centuries, too. The cuffed hand to the back of her neck was unnecessary.

And Solas was there in instants, whips of his magic seizing the wrists of the man who'd hit her, his eyes flashing and his voice full of rage.

“That is not how we treat people in this court, ignorant stranger.”

It was a struggle but even in her heightened state she was catching the rhythm of the words, assimilating the vocabulary. She was a scholar even here.

“Is everything well, Dread Wolf?”

Eyes were on them - hundreds and hundreds of eyes. Including Mythal's.

“It is, my lady,” Solas said with a courtly bow. Of course he was the Dread Wolf. What backwoods apostate would have been so comfortable in the Orlesian court? “If you will excuse us.”

Mythal (Mythal) looked at them a moment longer - were her eyes tracing the branching vallaslin on her face, the marks meant to honor her? - then nodded and turned to the assembled elves once more. Solas led her away, this time out to a balcony overlooking a vast city below. It was full of strange, twisting shapes, of crystals, of light, of magic.

“I tried to warn you, vhenan,” he said softly.

“Don't.”

A plan. She needed a plan. She needed to get out of here. She needed to think. She thought again and again of Mythal looking at her. The back of her head still hurt from the unknown man's strike.

“Take my vallaslin,” she said, not turning to look at Solas.

“Are you certain?” he asked. He was closer to her. She didn't have to turn to know that. He probably wanted to reach out, to hold, to protect like always. It hurt that she’d trusted and loved, and he’d lied. What was true?

She closed her eyes and thought of the day she'd gotten the tattoos, the silence and reverence of the act, the pride she felt the first time she saw her new reflection. But her clan was gone, dead at the hands of foolish shemlen. Mythal looked at her and saw a slave.

“Do it.”

She looked at Solas this time. She saw the muscles in his jaw and throat working, and again the pain in his eyes. He closed them a moment, and with a wave of his hands cast a spell she did not quite recognize. There seemed to be a shimmering cone around them, a slight distortion in the air in each direction she looked, like the light had been bent.

“Invisibility. I would rather that any curious onlookers not see what I am doing. Not yet. It isn’t time,” Solas said. He was so close to her. It should have been normal but it wasn’t. None of this was normal. None of it.

“Do it,” she said again.

Solas took a centering breath, then he channeled through his hands, surrounding them in a warm green light. Then he raised them, passing them gently over her face. A tingling sensation followed his movements, and the slightest of burns. She winced.

“Be still, my heart,” he murmured. “This is how I got my scar.”

The one on his forehead. Solas had vallaslin? Solas had been a slave? When she opened her eyes they were thick with tears of confusion and anger and fear.

“Ar lasa mala revas, Aviselan. You are free,” he said. And then his lips parted, perhaps as he saw the tears spilling out of her eyes, and he reached for her. She turned away.

“Get us out of here,” she said, bracing herself on the balcony’s balustrade. “Please. And then explain everything.”

*

Solas kept up his shimmering cone of invisibility until they were out of Mythal’s palace and safely secluded in a glen outside the city with a waterfall that poured into a large pool. Then he warded the entrance to the glen and approached her where she knelt, staring at the reflection of her bare face.

“I recognize this place,” she said, half to herself, her eyes still trained on her reflection.

“Yes. I believe it is in Crestwood in your world.”

“My world?” she spat the words. She could look at his reflection in the water, but she feared that if she turned and really looked at him, she might strike him. “I suppose this explains why you don’t consider my people your own.”

Solas sighed, and knelt. “I owe you an explanation.”

He began to tell her a story.

A story of a young, prideful man whose extraordinary talent with magic brought him to Mythal’s attention, who rose and rose through her ranks until she decided that he was to be her right hand man, and allowed him to remove his own vallaslin. How those who wore it were not always slaves in the sense that she might understand - how some of them were people bound in the service of their ruler, but with more dignity and respect. How even that began to change as time went on.

“The events I must tell you of now have not yet come to pass. There will be a war. And through that awful, terrible war, the people we know as kings and queens - Mythal, Sylaise, Dirthamen, Elgar’nan - will become known as gods. The same gods your people worship so many millennia from now.”

“So they were never really gods.” Aviselan’s voice was flat. The tide of emotions that overwhelmed her at the palace had receded. She was numb, but her mind was alert. Processing, questioning.

“Not the way your people believe, no. Not the way they misled everyone to believe. They are incredibly powerful, yes. More powerful than most other beings Thedas has ever seen. But they are not gods.”

Aviselan thought again of how much more powerful she was in this place. Of how magic flooded and filled every blade of grass, every tiny creature. Of how easily one might seem like a god, if one was particularly gifted, and lived in such a place. The Well of Sorrows had been strangely quiet in her mind - and the Anchor had been strangely quiet in her hand - but she thought she heard a flicker now, something about rebellion and not betrayal.

“How did this happen? How did we lose all of this? And you - how did we come to consider you a god, too?”

So Solas told another story. A story of an older man, one who could no longer stand the injustice he saw, the rampant abuse of power, the destruction. One who started freeing slaves, removing their vallaslin, telling them how they had all been misled for century upon century, how the people who used and abused them were not gods at all. How he led a rebellion that tore Elvhenan apart. How he feared he could never truly win the war he started, unless he did something drastic. How he feared that the Evanuris were on a path that would destroy everything, if they were not stopped.

“So I created the orb Corypheus carries. I used all of the power in that orb to create what you know as the Veil. I hoped to lock the Evanuris away, but instead -”

His voice broke. He looked away. His shoulders were slumped in defeat.

“I locked all but the tiniest trickle of magic away. I destroyed all the things I wanted to protect. I doomed my people to centuries of despair and slavery and loss. I doomed spirits to imprisonment, too. I made mages pariahs among all races. And all the while I slept, exhausted, unaware - and when I woke, just a year before you met me - I awoke to a nightmare.”

Aviselan’s heart sank. “Is that truly how you viewed my world? My people?”

Solas still would not look at her. “Yes. At first. But now…”

What was now? They were thousands of years in the past. And Corypheus was thousands of years ahead of them, and the Inquisition had lost its Inquisitor, but there were people suffering here and now, people wearing vallaslin like hers, and if they tried to fix things what would that mean for her world -

And what did it mean, that the man she loved had betrayed her so?

Had he ever really loved her?

Aviselan turned to face Solas directly. He did the same. “We need to find a way back. If - if we can help people as we go, then we do so. But we have to get back. If Corypheus wins because we were here… Nothing matters.”

“I agree, vhenan.”

She wanted to tell him to never call her that again. She wanted to kiss the sadness from his eyes. There wasn’t time to sort through all this. She started walking.

*

And they did try to get back.

They tried, and they tried, and they tried.

There had been something special about that first eluvian - something that reacted well to the time and spirit magic Aviselan flooded it with. Solas theorized that it was some combination of corruption over time and perhaps a hastening spell that the original enchanter had placed on it. Such spells were often used on eluvians that connected the slaves’ quarters of various palaces. A slave would pass through, have their steps hastened by the mirror’s magic, pass quickly through the Crossroads, and arrive at their destination. It sped up their service, or so the thinking went.

It made Aviselan sick to think about it.

Searching for another eluvian that would work the same way the first one did meant that they went to the slaves’ quarters of palace after palace. She saw the untold wonder and splendor of Elvhenan - the rocks that flowed like water, the magical duels, a mage in the midst of perfecting a spell they had already been casting for fifty years. She felt the glory of her own magic reaching higher and higher heights - of subsisting on magic alone.

And yet all it did was make her sick, because it was all built on suffering.

At first, she and Solas did not speak much, for all that they spent every moment together. Or, rather, they spoke but they did not talk. Aviselan thought back to those early days in the Inquisition, how eagerly she and Solas had talked and fought and exchanged knowledge. It was the foundation of their relationship - or so she had thought. In the end, it was all just lies.

So they talked about where to go next, what to try, but they did not communicate further than that. Solas would stare at her, sometimes, like he wanted to say something, but no words ever accompanied that look. She thought about asking him why he had such a hangdog look at one point, thought of the fact that he was the Dread Wolf in the next, thought about the fact that she had kissed the Dread Wolf, and then she dissolved into a paroxysm of laughter that verged on hysteric. Aviselan Lavellan, First of her clan, supposed savior of Thedas, chosen by the shemlen’s so-called Maker, had fallen for the Dread Wolf’s lies like every idiot maiden in every story Keeper Deshanna ever told.

But even as they traveled through the awful beauty of Elvhenan - the scores of arcane warriors drilling, the statues that sighed and sang, the distant shapes of varterrals sparring over hunting grounds and guarding tombs - even as people occasionally recognized Solas and even called him Fen’Harel - she found she could not reconcile the stories she had heard with the man before her. In so many ways, he was still the Solas she knew. The man she still loved.

He did not bother to hide his power now - and he was staggeringly powerful - but his storm magic still wasn’t as elegant or powerful or precise as her own. He still preferred simple meals, simple clothes. He still slept the same way - on his back, one hand on his stomach, his other arm flung out to the side, lips parted.

And, most of all, he still cared. He cared the same way he had for the refugees at the Crossroads, the same way he had when she took flowers to a wife’s grave when a grieving widower couldn’t any longer, the same way he had when his dearest friend was abused by ignorant mages. Even here in Arlathan, even now that she knew he was the Dread Wolf, he still returned fallen baby birds to their nests. Even though she tried her best not to look at him, not to speak to him, he still reached out to catch her if she slipped, still offered her the best and driest places to sleep if they had to stop to camp. He still answered every question she asked, a hint of warmth creeping into his voice if she let him go on, if the topic was one that excited him.

And she still loved him.

She knew that when they had spent an entire year searching, when Solas had not left her side once, when they reached the last eluvian he could think of that might share the same properties, and the spell once again failed.

“I am so sorry,” he said. “I am not sure how to make this work. I have failed you. Just as I failed everyone here.”

Aviselan thought of what it felt like when they worked together, fought together, loved together. She reached deep inside herself and realized that feeling hadn’t changed. Not even thousands of years in the past. Not even knowing who he really was. If they had that - they had what they needed.

“Then we stay,” she said. “And we see this through.”

She took his hand. He looked to her, soft shock on his face. She tilted her head up, and pulled him down, and the kiss they shared in the light of that last eluvian was the sweetest, softest one they’d ever shared - the most uncertain, and the most binding.

*

So it was that this time, when the Evanuris went mad with power, when they began to pursue ends that would destroy Thedas and everything they loved, it was not just the Dread Wolf who rose to put a stop to their tide of destruction. For the first time, Fen’Harel was never alone.

Wherever stories spread of a simple, hooded wiseman, or a frightening general, or a trickster, there were also stories of a wisewoman with eyes like lotuses, who commanded lightning like she had it in her blood. A bright counterpart to the Dread Wolf. The first time someone called her the Bright Wolf, it was startling.

“I am not at all surprised,” Solas said. “I have seen your brightness for years. You were a beacon of hope to the people of Haven - the one light that stood against Corypheus’s darkness. No one can resist that kind of light - an ancient wolf least of all.”

And it was years. Years, and years, and years of fighting, of hoping that this time because they were the Dread Wolf and the Dread Wolf’s Mate, because this time they knew what was going to happen, they could make a difference. It might mean that the Thedas Aviselan knew never existed. It might mean that Aviselan herself never existed. But she had to do what was right. It was what made her the Bright Wolf. The Dread Wolf’s Beloved.

Except that it wasn’t enough.

Even all their knowledge wasn’t enough to stop the Evanuris. The same pieces fell into places - the same mistakes were made. Maybe it was just something about the way time worked. Maybe you could only ever change so much.

“It is still better this time,” Solas said, softly, on the day they recreated the orb. He held her cheek in his other hand. “Because this time, I have you.”

The creation of the Veil was a beautiful, terrible thing. The way the power exploded outward from the fortress she would one day know as Skyhold, the terrified cries, the way all the magic was sucked out of her like air from a lung. They’d used her power too, this time. She was as dizzied, as exhausted, as Solas was. But she was not alone as she drifted into uthenera, and neither was he. Neither of them was alone as they spent those dark and dreaming years in their long sleep. And neither of them was alone when they woke.

“Was it like this before?” she asked him at once. “Has anything changed?”

“I do not know. We will have to see.”

So they had to leave Skyhold, chests tight with anxiety, and strike out through the foothills of the Frostbacks into Ferelden, where they came across two hunters from a Dalish clan. And already she could feel Solas tense, nervous, and already she could feel the twin stabs of pain at the sight of vallaslin and the thought of how it had been twisted, and how she still missed what her own used to mean to her. She guided the interaction, ensuring Solas did not repeat whatever ludicrous mistake he’d made the first time, and the young hunters agreed to lead them back to camp. As they crossed the perimeter, Aviselan noticed that they had two statues of wolves, both facing outward, away from the camp. Her heart skipped a beat.

“You have two statues guarding your camp,” Aviselan said. “Is the Dread Wolf not also He Who Hunts Alone?”

“What?” the hunter said, looking at her as if she was an ignorant child. “Of course not. One is for Fen’Harel, and the other is for Fen’Lealun.”

Their accents were different. After so many, many years in Elvhenan, Aviselan could hear it now. But she still understood the words.

“Bright Wolf?”

“Yes. Fen’Saotafalon? Fen’Lathem? What clans have you visited, where they don’t keep the Dread Wolf and his bride side by side to guard their camps?”

She and Solas shared a glance. “To guard, and not to prevent them from harming the clan?”

Now the hunters shared a glance. “Of course, to guard. Where do you get these ideas from?”

So some things could be changed.

It was the year before the Conclave, they quickly discovered. And Fen’Harel and Fen’Lealun were honored members of the Elvhen pantheon, and while some misconceptions remained, some memories yet persisted. Of a noble struggle against tyranny. Of an attempt to save the world that went sadly awry. There were sure to be other changes - and other changes they could make, she thought at once, remembering where Clan Lavellan was a year before the Conclave, imagining them making the journey, warning them ahead of time to get as far away from Wycome as they could. Imagining preventing Corypheus from ever getting the orb.

There was much to discuss. But it could all wait. Instead Aviselan sat by the fire, Solas’s hand in hers, and drank in the feeling of being home.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

I’ve been really possessed of the idea of a post-Kaguya no chakra AU lately, so here’s an unnecessarily long ramble about what it might look like:

Since Kaguya is the originator of chakra in the Naruto universe, sealing her and Zetsu also subsequently affects the ability of all ninja to mould chakra. Kaguya wanted to take all chakra back, and inadvertently, her sealing does just that. 

Perhaps the continued existence of Black Zetsu and the God Tree in the world was the only reason ninja could combine energies in the first place - a spiritual link between humanity and chakra.

This has a lot of immediate fallout. For one thing, Sasuke has no reason to fight Naruto any longer. If no one is able to use chakra, then Sasuke no longer has enough power to tilt the axis of the world, and the world itself has already tipped - the shinobi system he wanted to challenge is crumbling at its foundation.

So Team 7 doesn’t fight. Perhaps without that fight, Sasuke would be unable to have an epiphany about relying on others, but the outcome remains the same: Sasuke doesn’t attack his comrades.

It’s possible that, as jinchuuriki, Bee and Naruto would be exempt from this circumstance. But even then, they’d only have access to the power in a transformed state, where their bijuu can act as the link between them and chakra. On the day-to-day, they’re the same as the others around them. It’s likely that every other shinobi loses their chakra-based techniques entirely. Even doujutsu would require infusing chakra into the eyes, so regardless of an eye���s appearance, there are no longer any accompanying abilities.

Without moulding chakra, there’s no medical ninjutsu, so even in the days that follow, more people are lost as they succumb to their wounds. There are plenty that do survive though, albeit much weaker than they would’ve been if they could be healed. 

Each shinobi is eager to return home, even the wake of all the confusion. There’s some uncertainty about leadership now. The Kage are most often chosen by their power. They no longer have access to their bloodline limits. Onoki and Tsunade, whose bodies have suffered the most, immediately feel its effects. (A reasonable explanation for why Tsunade would so hastily abandon her post.)

The villages still need leaders, so Kakashi still ends up becoming the Rokudaime Hokage. But for the first time, his strength is irrelevant - he’s chosen entirely because he has the trust of the village (particularly Tsunade) and a sharp mind. Konoha needs someone to lead them into a new age.

The daimyo are greatly concerned. Their military strength has relied almost entirely on the ability to infuse chakra. One thing agreed by both Kage and daimyo is that, for the sake of preventing further calamity, Bee and Naruto will be the last jinchuuriki.

They rebuild. By hand, this time, since Yamato’s mokuton is gone. It’s a slow and arduous process. They’ve organized themselves around being shinobi for so long, it’s hard to figure out where they’ll go from here. The academy is a defunct structure. Many people whose jobs relied on their abilities lack a clear source of income.

Kakashi appeals to the daimyo for this. He secures enough funding to open several new research facilities, not focused on ninja techniques, but on other things. Technological advancement. Agricultural production. Sustainable energy sources. Medicine.

It’s not just the sciences which advance. Now that the shinobi system has fallen apart, there’s a great interest in examining its history in detail. The other nations are less reluctant to share intel, since they’ve fought a war together, and all the secrecy behind their techniques is irrelevant now. So in Konoha, and every other village, historians gather, creating previously unexamined and wildly conflicting accounts of the world from chakra’s beginning to end. 

There’s an interest in opening up a university, in the years that follow, so that the knowledge produced by these fields isn’t available to researchers alone. The money once used to maintain their supply of weapons is re-purposed, and there’s an opportunity for all citizens to be educated for free. The curriculum changes each year as new advances are made. There’s greater demand for teachers, because many people have wanted to spend more time learning, but never had a place to do so. There are all new kinds of cultural and technological production driving their economy now.

Clans become far less important, and far less politicized. There’s no point in worrying about keeping secrets if you no longer have a family technique. The Hyuga, especially, are forced to change. Even if the war hadn’t changed their perspective, there is little point in concerning themselves so heavily with main and branch families if they can no longer use the Byakugan.

Sakura focuses her energies on learning new medical techniques that don’t require chakra. She pulls research from any recorded history she can find about early medicine used when chakra wasn’t so common. She is at the forefront of her field, and Tsunade and Kakashi lend their support to her as she restructures the hospital.

Sasuke’s situation is unclear, for a while. The military he defected from technically no longer exists. He killed an acting Hokage, but on the edge of a war, and one who’d been responsible for the deaths of countless Konoha citizens. He’d never actually attacked the Leaf, but he’d certainly harmed a lot of people. People don’t know whether to jail him or call him a hero for his actions in the war. He himself isn’t sure how he feels about Konoha. Team 7 helps. They advocate strongly for Sasuke, and continuously pester him while he’s on house arrest. He feels a bit like he did when he was 13. Not exactly bound to the village, but bound to his team at least. He even ends up becoming better acquainted with Sai and Yamato, because Sai is wary of him hurting Sakura and Naruto, and Yamato will sometimes accompany the others on their visits.

When he’s pardoned again, he does still think about leaving. Sakura and Naruto tell him that he’s an idiot, and they physically hold onto him until he says he’ll think about staying, even when that takes a day and a half. “This hug is getting really sweaty,” he says, as they cling to him in his kitchen. “Don’t you have places to be?” They both shrug.

Kakashi offers him a job. He thinks part of the reason that Sasuke was so obsessed with vengeance is that he could never find any justice. So he asks Sasuke to think about what their new civil and criminal justice systems should look like. Less subjective to the whims of whichever Hokage or councilman is doling it out, and instead relying on due process. Systems where people like Danzo would be held accountable for their actions. And systems where people could arbitrate their problems, so that discrimination like that which spurred the Uchiha clan to coup could not happen. The appeal of being able to prevent another Itachi from occurring is too great, so Sasuke stays. 

Naruto’s a little lost in the wake of all this too. Most of his plans for the future had always assumed that the shinobi system would still be in place. He’s not sure he knows what to strive for anymore in this new world. Kakashi asks him to help Sasuke work on the justice system reforms. He thinks Naruto would be a moderating influence, and that their combined pessimism and optimism might just create something functional. When it comes to the subject of the laws and procedures that affect children, Naruto finds himself particularly driven. He thinks he’d like to ensure that no child would ever grow up as lonely as him or Sasuke again. So, with Kakashi’s guidance, he helps to draft procedures which protect the children of their village from abandonment, endangerment or abuse. 

Naruto doesn’t stop there. It’s one thing to put it in the law, but he’s always been more of a doer than a thinker, so he wants to create actual programs where children might have better resources available to them. A functional foster system. Social programs which allow for education and socialization even for children who haven’t found homes yet. Charities which specifically collect resources to make sure these kids are looked after, both physically and emotionally. He’s a force of change in a different way than he ever imagined.

There’s a recognition that the people who’ve been shinobi to date need different accommodations, and that job falls to Sai. Having grown up taught to separate himself from his emotions, he understands how hard it is in the aftermath to have to confront them. So with Sakura’s help, he becomes in charge of a counseling centre for veterans. He isn’t a counselor (he’s still got some healing to do, himself) but he administers the place so it functions effectively, and makes certain that anyone who needs a place to deal with their emotions has it.

Orochimaru would’ve been one of the first people held accountable to the new reforms on child protection, but as it is, it soon becomes irrelevant. Orochimaru’s body decays. The experiments he’s performed on his body cannot be sustained without the continuous moulding of chakra, and so he falls apart. They give his body to Otogakure, and one of his former subordinates buries him in an unmarked grave.

So, Yamato stays in the village too. He still feels guilty about what happened to him in the war, and is confused about who exactly he is without mokuton, but part of him is glad he can never be used as a weapon again. Even without his mokuton, he’s still the best at designing buildings in the village, so as the village not only rebuilds, but expands, he becomes the most sought-after architect in all of Konohagakure. Sometimes he’ll even receive requests from the other villages, but he always returns. He spends weeks building himself a home on the edge of the village, exactly to his liking, and with enough room to host all of the kids of Team 7, when they come by. He claims he lives alone, but Kakashi’s most often found there too, complaining that the Hokage residence is too stuffy for him to be comfortable. 

As in the days of Hashirama, the other villages follow suit with the changes of Konohagakure. This time, it is less about maintaining a balance of power and mostly just because the reforms are working. People are happier. Fewer people die. Children are cared for. And while their system isn’t perfect - they’re under a feudal lord, after all, and there are concerns about the future of their military - it’s better. And that’s the optimistic world we’re left with when Naruto finally becomes Hokage.