#ive been struggling with weight since i was in elementary

[jinmukangwrites]

I can't be obnoxious about this to people I know irl so I just want to say I've finally successfully lost 10 pounds :3

I just want to tell someone

[junkie-virus]

leg pain :(

[melaroon]

intro ｡.｡:∞♡*♥

mel, 19

she/they

sw: likeee 180 or something

cw: 138

ugw: 100

longer thought out intro below!! includes mel lore and interests :3

ive suffered from ednos, probably, ever since i was in elementary school. it started as struggling hard with binge and emotional eating up until early high school. i got food poisoning and lost almost 30 pounds in a month or two the summer before sophmore year. when school started again, people started treating me better and i got my first 'taste' of reality and that's when my purposeful restricting and disorder started.

of course covid happened during my junior year- at home exercises and health-scares all the time. i was ortho for majority of my senior year and was where i lost most of the weight. its been a year since i graduated, and the whole year ive been maintaining 130s, but recently had a really big relapse.

i fully self diagnose myself with ednos because ive done all the above when it comes to eds. ive binged, purged, restricted, starved, the whole cycle. but never consistently enough to turn into full blown bulimia or 4n4, LOL! im working to change that.

interests ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

music!! i love multiple genres from metal to jrock to soft girl-esque songs

bands like slipknot, deftones, mcr, fob, alice in chains, chevelle, PANTERA!!!, ptv, glassjaw, metallica, misfits, and like a bunch more metal/grindcore/idek bands

artists like lucki, carti, uno, slime dollaz, che, lil wayne, future, destroy lonely/ken/homixide, westside gunn, glokk40, babytron, gherbo, yeat, future, chief keef, and some other underground dudes idk

games!!

ow and val mainly, but i do enjoy games like silent hill, needy streamer, stardew valley, mc, things like that. i also heavily obsess over old flash games like diner dashes and papas (x)eria games LOL!!!!!

other: i love weed

socials:

twt deficitluvr

[taeverie]

Loved You Then

Synopsis: After years of being apart Jaehyung comes back to voice his feelings, but there was another event that held him back when he reunited with you.

Pairing: Jaehyung x reader

Genre: Fluff/angst

Word Count: 2769

A/N: another re-upload, but for my one and only day6 fic hahaha

You were eighteen when Jaehyung bidded goodbye to you in the summer; he gifted an envelope that held an inked correspondence with a simple trinket inside.

You remember that day almost too perfectly: He insisted that you would not open the poorly sealed sleeve until you were inside your vehicle, pure intentions to keep the contents a secret until then. It was not a tearful goodbye, sentiments were not dilapidated — rather, the feeling was almost refreshing.

You had known Jaehyung since you were young, being neighbors and stuck in each other’s classes since elementary swirled an ineffable friendship and a perceptible closeness. It started with a smile, a strange greeting that was paired with an effervescent laugh. You mirrored that same expression back that one mid-spring day, glamour gracing your face as you introduced yourself to him, sheepish and quiescent.

He looked at you, hesitant before replying. Though, when he did, you knew that he would have a significant role in your life.

And so he did.

As years stacked upon each other, days being wasted by walking to school together, creating jests in class, and making each other’s way back was somehow just enough for a stable friendship to form. You two stuck together like a being and its penumbra, constantly shadowing each other to poke silly jests or snap mindless comments towards each other’s mistakes.

Recalling the memories while you sat in the backseat of your car drew a small smile to your face, every fraction of the reminiscence appearing ephemeral the more you attempted to rise it to the surface. Episodes of you and Jaehyung engaging in a silent redamancy flashed in your mind: being alone together on holidays, his annoying aubades he would sing to wake you up in the morning, even to the smallest bits like when you both experienced a plethora of sleepless nights to talk about pointless things.

All in all, the admirable sentiment was evocative — one would of had to be blind to overpass the comely connection shared between you and Jaehyung.

But as limpid the raw intimacy was, nothing changed between you two. There were no proper dates, no surprising gifts — everything remained stagnant. All because you and Jaehyung kept each other’s thoughts at bay, afraid to disrupt the equanimous friendship that took years to construct.

Regret rained down on your being that day when you formally parted from him, kissing goodbye to the city and not your childhood love, but as you were being driven away by your parents in the back of the vehicle, it was already too late.

You remember it clearly: how you sat in the backseat that day wishing that the seats would engulf your tearful being. At that point anything would have felt better than the void in your stomach created by the one who would typically fill it. Your world was like a picturesque halcyon, a state of jocularity that you were able to share with him.

But it became nothing.

You recall staring down at the silly letter, tears seeping into the paper as you were no longer able to hold back such withering emotions. You ran your fingertips over the surface, unable to bring yourself to rip it open and reveal its contents. It took a couple of deep breaths to calm your nerves, but you finally did.

Inside the packed paper rested a letter and a necklace — his necklace of a miniature acoustic guitar similar to the one he carried like a talisman. You gawked at the matching jewelry, intransigent and unsure of what to think. Aside from the extensive amount of memories and mere snapshots of each other, you had something from him, puzzled on why.

That was, until you unfolded the letter.

Every ounce of weight that had piled on was alleviated off your shoulders when you read four simple words; a promise established in blue ink:

“Until we meet again.”

–

There is one day left before the start of Spring. Your world has never ran jejune for a second, felicit air sempiternal since your arrival into the new city.

You wake to the melodious chirps of the birds outside your apartment window, a peaceful tune that is a stark contrast to your typical blares of your alarm clock. As long as you have been living in the fresh city for four years, it still feels new to you. You groan, arm sailing to the bed stand to grab onto your phone, groggy. A scintilla of light streaks on your face when you flutter your eyes open, the illumination more unpleasant to your eyes than the brightness of your screen.

You squint your eyes as an attempt to focus your vision, trying to read the time — only to find out that you are an hour late for your breakfast date. You yank your blankets off your bed and raise yourself up quickly, eyes flaring wide when your mind finally catches up to the situation.

Your thumbs race over the screen of your phone, rapidly sending the first message.

[10:02 AM] You: are you up?

You purse your lips into a pout, anticipating an angry response but within seconds you retrieve the opposite.

[10:03 AM] My angel: Of course. Ive been waiting for you to wake up for an hour!! Way to stand me up

You smile at his message, the slight humor the same as always.

[10:03 AM] My angel: haha, i’m sorry. i forgot to set my alarm but at least i slept some more for once

[10:04 AM] My angel: Im joking :)

[10:04 AM] My angel: Still down for breakfast?

[10:05 AM] You: brunch*

[10:05 AM] My angel: Ill take that as a yes

[10:05 AM] You: same spot? you always order the same stupid chicken and waffles

[10:06 AM] My angel: You already know me, haha. Those are delicious too!! Ill see you in twenty?

[10:06 AM] You: thirty*

[10:06 AM] My angel: <3

You pull yourself out of bed, yawning and stretching prior to creating a cup of coffee. Your apartment is as quiet as ever as you walk through it, the only dull sound being your soft footsteps on the hardwood floor. As the liquid seeps into the glass pot you wait patiently, eyes still struggling to keep themselves open; that is, until you finally pour yourself a cup and down it.

The effect is enlivening, traces of fatigue being drawn out of your body as you prepare to get ready.

It is a typical Tuesday morning; nothing too out of the blue or disturbing, just like every other. The sun appears at its peak despite it barely being ten, and your body is quite the opposite. Desultory, you dress yourself and constantly check the time on your phone to see if you are somehow running late.

Within moments you are out the door, on time to meet up with your boyfriend just as promised. The streets are vast, cars barely adorning the streets as you walk by. It feels as if the sun peeping out in the sky is only a decoy, for the chill breeze practically overtakes every hint of heat — so much for summer.

It does not take long for you to arrive at the location: a dingy diner that juxtaposes with the modern architect of the town. Despite its antique exterior, within the confinements of the restaurants radiates sentiments of joy that come in the form of a simple breakfast plate, or even the muted tunes that emit from the speakers.

You stride onto the checkered tiles of the perimeter, the redolence of sweet syrup and fresh coffee swirling together in the air. Seating yourself, you situate yourself at the corner booth — the signature area for you and your boyfriend since the first date — and peruse the menu. It is a first that you arrive prior to your boyfriend; he usually takes punctuality quite seriously.

You cross your ankles as you skim the options, words not sinking in your mind — you are going to be ordering the same breakfast meal anyway. A few more people flood inside and out of the diner, none of them being your awaited partner, and you release a sigh.

Setting down the menu, your eyes fixate on the entrance of the door hoping that with every swing your boyfriend would be the one to waltz past it. You try to focus on the tunes as you wait for him and the waiter, but the thoughts of him arriving keep poking the back of your mind. It is not until you release another sigh for you to realize that there is a shadow being casted over you. You turn your head towards the cause and your heart almost leaps to your throat

Standing beside your signature table is not the same man that you constantly visit the diner; a familiar face, but one you have not seen in years.

And it takes you by surprise entirely.

Your eyes flare wide, two orbs like blown glass the more your mind refuses to fathom who is standing before you.

From the round glasses the summer blonde hair, skin gently kissed by the heavenly sun, you recognize him within a heartbeat. It takes a couple of moments for your mind to comprehend, but everything appears to fall into place the second he flashes that same signature grin.

It is not your boyfriend standing by the table — not the man you have been waiting for — but it is none other than Jaehyung.

You are rendered speechless, sentences lodged in your throat and the few that make it past has the words dissipating on your tongue. After all, what are you supposed to do when you have an accidental encounter with your childhood friend? Communication with Jaehyung came to a standstill two years ago, the routine of texting each other frequently easing away; it did not take long for, even the most diminutive of, conversations to vanish entirely.

Looking at him, those same eyes that always fill with wonder, your thoughts become a whirlwind and you cannot make a simple attempt to break the silence that is being shared. The music in the diner along with the constant chatter withers to white noise, providing you with a feel that you and Jaehyung are the only two people in the diner.

“I,” you begin, surprised. “Jaehyung?” you say his name, unsure.

He blinks twice, mind just as dazed as your own. “Y-yeah… Y/N, it’s been a while.” He smiles brighter, a look of assurance.

“What are you doing here?” you ask while urging him to sit down with you.

He accepts the offer and situates himself right across from you, fingers interlacing on the surface. “I was just in the area, I didn’t think I’d see you here.” He corrects himself, “Actually, I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

His words leave his mouth easily, a polar opposite to how you are unable to articulate your thoughts. You nod, paying attention more to the changes in his appearance than the depth of his words. “I didn’t think so either.”

His smile never falters, pearly whites still gleaming your way. “But… wow. You look different,” he comments, lighthearted.

You laugh. “I can say the same about you.”

“So,” he changes the subject, “how have you been?”

You hum, taking a moment to think. “Great,” you tell him. “Better because I’m getting my breakfast soon especially. What about you?”

“Good,” he responds, immediate. The waiter stops by and fills the empty mugs on the table with coffee, which are quickly followed with a small glass of water. The worker leaves and the conversation resumes like normal. “I’m still working on music and such.”

“That’s great to hear.” You smile. You avert your eyes from his own to look out the window; not in search of your boyfriend, and not as a distraction to shift from the situation, but to collect your thoughts briefly. “Hey,” you turn your attention to him, recalling a significant factor. “Do you still have your tiny guitar charm? The one that matches with what you gave me the day I left.”

Jaehyung appears taken aback, surprised at how you remember such a small item. “Why?” He raises an eyebrow. “Do you still wear it?” he questions, light hearted as if he expects the answer to be a “no.”

Instead, you reach for the long string around your neck, the item hidden by your clothing. You tug it out into the open, showing it off to your friend and on the spot, his smile dwindles. “I said I would never take it off,” you inform.

Jaehyung laughs, content. He sails his hands to his pockets, ready to pull out his keychain as he says, “Funny, because I actually—”

“—Y/N!” someone interrupts. You raise your eyebrows at the calling, head turning when you recognize the voice. Jaehyung halts, blood in his body practically freezing.

“Younghyun!” you say, recognizing the face. “Finally, I’ve been waiting here for a long time.”

Younghyun chuckles and plants a light kiss on your cheek when he sits himself next to you. “Sure you were,” he comments. His attention drifts to the man across from him, unfamiliar and a tad awkward. “Who is this?”

“Ah.” You chime, “This is Jaehyung. He’s the friend I told you about back when I lived in the small city.”

“Oh,” he hesitates, unsure thoughts crossing his mind, “I’m Younghyun, it’s nice to meet you.”

Jaehyung only nods at him, a tight smile etching on his face — his version of saying hello to someone a little unwanted for the time being,

“Jae,” you call. “This is my boyfriend, Younghyun.”

“B-boyfriend?” Jaehyung says lowly, swallowing his breath. He rests his palms on his lap, cancelling the action to pull out his keys. “Nice to meet you,” he says.

But by the time he voices his “hello,” it feels as if he is not wanted in the situation, for you are already far too engaged in a heated stare with Younghyun. Jaehyung cannot pull himself to speak, his tongue running as dry as sand the more he lingers in your presence.

He discreetly watches the way Younghyun takes your hand in his, fingers interlaced, and Jaehyung cannot help but wonder what it would be like if he was in your position — if he was the one to hold you lovingly and have these breakfast dates with you frequently.

It isn’t until he clears his throat and uncomfortably shifts in his seat for him to gain your attention again. You force a smile, remember the earlier conversation. “So, what were saying about the charm?”

“Nothing much,” he fibs, hands balling into fists on his lap. There is a long line of silence shared between you two, a quietude that strangers experience with one another. Younghyun quirks the corner of his lips up, taking note of the situation and he tries to diminish his presence.

Jaehyung continues, “I was just going to say that I lost mine a long time ago.”

Your smile fades at the words you thought you would never hear. He broke the small news so easily, and with a slight chuckle — almost as if the charm had no relevance to begin with, like it was never a silent promise for a reunion. This time, you are frozen and left on the edge of unsure thoughts.

“I should go,” Jaehyung tells you. “Music calls.”

But before you can tell him goodbye, he lifts himself from the seat and starts to amble to the exit. You watch his physique quickly saunter, like the moment shared between you two was toxic, and he turns to do a small wave.

You wave back and Younghyun grips harder onto your hand, a small sign to let you know that everything is okay — whatever everything is.

As Jaehyung is a foot out the door he glances one last time at you at the corner table, catching your fetching grin by someone else’s side — someone that is not him. He smiles to himself, happy to see you are well, and slips out his car keys from the depths of his pocket.

He gawks at it for a little, adoring the matching acoustic guitar that dangles on its chain. After all, he said he would never lose it — the item that promised a reunion, a chance to tell you that throughout all the years, he loved you.

[yoantoneo]

Check out @shaynainshamblesnew video, she talks about beauty in society and how it’s not the entire picture.

She also talks about eating disorders…. And I’ll share mine here:

When I was about 12 years old, I was scared that the girl I had a crush on in wouldn’t like me bc I was a bit chubby in my eyes. I still have a school picture of it. As a kid I thought I was “fat” but looking at it now, I would’ve been better off.

The heaviest I’ve been ever to this day has been 120lbs….I still struggle with it, not because I feel ugly about my weight, but I want to gain more and be “healthy” but I’ve gotten so used to not eating that eating a little fills me up. Im trying to gain weight but with depression and anxiety, ive lost a few more pounds in 2016 that I weighed 90lbs by December…so I began eating a bit more, weighed myself again a few weeks ago (2018), I got to 110lbs.

Now it’s the opposite, I’m embarrassed that a 25 yr old guy is really small. I hate that about myself. But I am trying to get better. It’s just that I’m forget to eat or I get full really fast :/

I was bullied since elementary school for my looks… I had a lot of testorerone that I grew hair quicker than my other friends during puberty. I also had a “unibrow” that the “cutest” girl in 5th grade told me that I should shave it off in front of the entire class as we ate lunch.

In middle school, I was fairly popular but quiet but my eating disorder haunted me. A girl I had a crush on always lost her pencil and she always asked me if I had any, I did, but since it was the middle of the day that I became hungry so often my stomach kept growling… Super emberassing for me

High school comes along and then I get bullied for talking to a girl, 2 guys jeep screaming behind me freshman year that I have a long nose… I tune them out as I talked to her. But it still got to me that I developed a dislike for my long nose (among other bully behavior)

Math class, a kid steals my seat, I don’t want to fight, so I just keep asking him to get off, everyone keeps watching, IDK what to do… He finally gets up but adds insult to injury by asking me about my teeth which I’m super self conscious about even to this day

Junior year I date a girl, she’s kind and all but there’s an ex bf who is like super bulked up and been in jail, to protect me I guess, she brakes up with me… Adding to my self image issues aka I’m small

Senior year went smoothly, besides the physical manifestation of anxiety… A girl told me I had really small girly hands. That shit gets to you…

The whole reason I joined athletics was to be the least a little bit of a “jock” even tho I played for the tennis team lol,but it all stemmed down to being scared of what people thought of me, that’s when I fell so deep into the toxic belief that you can be a man if you had a dozen girls in your arms… Maybe I couldn’t be bulky and I’m weak (since I dropped a girl 2x on accident lol), I could be considered hot and attractive

Ironically, the role models I secretly chose were genuine and attractive like the likes of Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds… I liked the way JT moved and how he seemed to have fun all the time and of course his moves/body, Gosling for his cute but serious demeanor, Reynolds for his confident roles

I love my nose most times now, I like the way I dress sometimes (I’m broke so….), and my teeth thing, yeah I know they’re cooked don’t point it out, if you do you’re rude af

And body hair, yeah I don’t like it, but maybe a little stubble and that’s about it

What I’m saying is…

I’m real, I have always felt ugly af, and if it wasn’t for YouTube and social media, I wouldn’t be able to meet the people that I know and love and support! Like @groove-patrol @quinintheclouds @shaynainshambles @justalphonse

@break-my-horcrux among others So, I’m with Shayna… Let’s take back the selfie and show others our realness. Hollywood is dead people… It’s part of the old school way of thinking. Just be you, because there’s something so beautiful about being perfectly imperfect! I'm finally at a place where I'm happy with who I am, but it took awhile, with enough selfies and videos of myself, I've shown the world who I am, little by little, and found amazing friends... This is the happiest I've been in years, and it's all thanks to my "vanity" and people who saw the value /beauty /talent in me and thus believed in me... And thus manifested into believing in myself, and that's the best fucking feeling anyone could ever give or receive

[from-ashes-i-rise]

When I was growing up, I knew my family was different. I never saw other families fight the way mine did. I never heard any other family struggle the way we did. When I was in elementary school I started talking to my teachers and counselor about what was happening at home and their concerned faces told me what I already knew: we weren't like normal families. I didn't feel like a normal kid in my class. I would look at the other kids and wonder where they hid their bruises, if they had any. And in fifth grade, I drew myself in a casket. I drew what my funeral looked like. That sent me directly to the principals office where I was asked if I knew what that meant. I told them that I wanted to die. In fifth grade I wanted to end my life. To be fair, my family wasn't crazy for the hell of it. See my mom was sick. That's what my dad called it. And when mom was sick we had to be super quiet and nice so we didn't wake her. I would steal peeks at my mom and see her out cold. That's when I started to make sure my mom was breathing. It didn't stop until I moved out. What I didn't know then is that my mom was bipolar, newly diagnosed. She couldn't control her mind sometimes. They went through medication and medication until they found something that would help for a little while. When she lost her job, she says, she had a major breakdown. I remember staring out my back window watching my mom crumble to the ground. Screaming. Just screaming. It scared the shit out of me but it also made me step up. My dad worked hard. Five days a week from 6 to 230. That meant he was usually gone by the time I woke up for school. And it also meant I had to get M up since my older brother and sister were already gone for junior high. M was a part of our family since her mother (my dads sister) died from breast cancer. Her dying wish was that my father raise M like she was his and my dad never breaks promises. We new pretty early that M was different. She developed a little slower, her behavior went from loving to destructive in seconds and as she grew up it became more prominent. She was diagnosed with bipolar too. And a lot of other things that were said to explain her dangerous outbursts which would send my ,other into a downward spiral. They hated each other. I didn't understand why. My mom never bonded with her the way she did us. I still don't know why and I'm not sure either of them do. My older brother and sister had their own issues. My older sister always had something going on. Drinking or drugs or running away. And sometimes she got violent with my mom. Screaming, breaking things, breaking bones kind of fighting. I grew up desperate to have her attention. I changed the way I dressed and the music I listened to just to make her think I was cool and take me with her the next time she left. It's funny thinking of the things I would do to get on her good side. I would clean her room until it was painstakingly clean. I wonder if that's where my OCD sparked in my brain. If it wasn't clean, nobody cared. I would spend hours cleaning our house just to hear anyone tell me I did good. My older brother had anger issues. He was pushing dad away because he wasn't his biological father. Dad tried so hard to show J love and compassion, even after fists were raised. But I could see that my mothers illness, my older sister's rebellion and M's issues slowly wearing on him. My dad was a very tired man, I could see it on his face most nights and it would make my heart hurt. I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe to vent that even at thus time my family is still fighting. My mom still flies off he handle. My dad still tries to help but ends up giving up and disappearing. Growing up like this, even the idea of mental illness scared me. I could feel it, I still do. That ever present weight, the thoughts, the voices, the brokenness of my heart. I don't like admitting I'm mentally ill. I was the strong one growing up. Cleaning and laundry and cooking and taking care of M and making sure mom was okay and if not I tried to make sure she could take her violence out on me instead of anyone else. But here I am, just hung up with M and heard the chaos going in the background and I feel five years old again, ready to hide from the screaming and throwing things. When I am lost or scared I have an incredible fiancé who loves me every second of the day, no matter what's going on in my head. He reminds me every day that I am safe with him. And more importantly he listens when I tell him the jumbled mess in my brain. My PTSD, BPD, anxiety, depression, the seizures from the conversion disorder (not including physical ailments) are no match for the love and comfort of his embrace. He's not afraid of my demons. They don't effect him. Sometimes it really feels like I am certifiably batshit crazy, but it only takes three words to have my man wrap his arms around me and protect me from the most dangerous thing of all, myself. I never really thought too much about how my upbringing would influence me as an adult. But looking at it now, I'm kind of grateful there have been diagnoses to explain what's happening. It makes me feel like I'm not as crazy. It's real and it's happening in my head. Ive grown up being the peacemaker. The referee of my family. The strong one. I think for my sanity I really have to quit being that person. I shouldn't have to carry the weight of the world anymore. I'm sick and I deserve the help I need without any extra baggage. Idk.

[personal-latenite-thoughts]

my life is shit

i have a lot of things i want to say so i think im just gonna come right out and say a few things that are on my mind right now. first, i just heard my dad talking about fitness and its like...yeah i obviously want to work out and start getting rid of all this excess weight ive put on since high school. clearly i want to do that, but what he doesnt understand is that i dont work the same way he does. i can just get up and go for a run or bike like he can. right now, i need to be in the right mindset which is rare bc im never in a “good mood” anymore, all i want to do is lay down and wallow in misery and just embrace the depression, but if i do that it will just make things worse for me. im just stuck in this endless cycle and i honestly dont see a way out of it anytime soon. and hearing him constantly talk about how i “just need to do it” under his breath really angers me bc he doesnt know what im dealing with. and im not just going to tel him bc ive heard way too many times that he doesnt care what i have to say or tells me its an excuse, so now all i do is bottle things up and dont let people know what im really struggling with, which sucks, but thats the reality im living in and im comfortable with that. but i just heard him tell my sister that hes in better shape then my sister and i, which he probably is, but constantly telling us that and having ever other word out of your mouth be about fitness and “how much sugar/salt is in this” it get very overwhelming but i know he doesnt care. he says he does but i can tell he doesnt, he only cares about us doing what HE wants us to do. its his way or the highway. another thing that i dont like is everyone telling my i need to get a job as if i dont know that. ive been tying to get a job for years now, and everyone is telling me no. so of course ive been taking breaks from applying bc 1 i need some of the applications to expire before i can apply again and 2 i just want a nreak where i can do the things i want to do since i never have the time to do that, never actually had time to just be a kid since like elementary school. anyways, i hate that they keep telling me this as if ive forgotten, i havent, im just waiting to hear back from them, and a lot of the times, they never reply back, not even to say no thank you. and of course im going to be picky with the jobs i apply to bc i want to make sure that if i do get the job, ill actually want to do the work required, otherwise, why take the job. but my main problem is that all these job places what people with experience who are young, im “young” but have no experience so they skip over me. and mow that im in my 20s its harder to get a job bc i have no experience, but i cant get the job to gain experience if i have no experience in the first place. so thats a never ending cycle. but my main problem would def be my father. he just makes me so miserable. always has to have his nose in my business, and always giving unwanted advice. and always telling me about all the stuff he does for me that he dosent have to do or is only doing it “bc im his daughter”. like, did i ask to be born? did i tell you to have two kids? no so stop trying to guilt trip me so i will do what HE wants me to do. and the fact that hes always dangling the fact that he has a job and house over my head is a real dick move. like way to make me feel bad about myself that i cant support myself in this economy atm. now to talk about my sister. she has the biggest ego like ever. always wants things to be on her terms, only looks out for herself and wants things to be for her. and when she does do things for other people, its so she can dangle that other their heads later on. like, she constantly tells me that shes help me out with things so why cant i do this one thing for her, but this one thing is way different compared to those things she has done for me. and now that she has a job she just has to rub that in my face and use that as an excuse to just be mean for no reason. bad enough she hits/messes with me for no reason, just a real pain in the ass. she acts just like my father. my mom doesnt really do much so theres not much to say about her, she just sits back and lets father do all the dirty work. and then they both talk shit about me behind closed doors when they think i cant hear. this whole family is awful really and i know that when i eventually move out i wont look back.