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vixensbrainrotts · 5 months

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Committed to you - Manjiro >Mikey< Sano

(part two)

Idea/ prompt: Mikey from the last timeline who wants to propose to us but has no idea how to ask so he ask advices from draken and emma

Vixen's two cents: Hi. I know ive been gone for like 2 weeks, I dont know why but it's been hard writing lately. anyway, thanks a million to @anahryal for giving me this idea whilst I was in the pits of my writers block!!! thanks girl, I can't tell you how much this helped. anyway, REQUESTS ARE OPEN and I advise you to use them! now please enjoy my revival piece!

Mikey has thought every possible thought he could have. He had run through every possible situation, every possible outcome, every possible setting, but damnit why was this so hard? He couldn’t do it. Not for the life of him.

He had browsed millions of travel blogs, pondering about every possible spot on earth to take you for the occasion. He had woken in and out of more jewelry stores in the past month than he had ever in his entire life. He had specifically stood in corner stores, reading the wedding catalogues in the magazine section trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do.

None of it helped.

Manjiro wanted it so bad. So so very bad. Every white dress he walked by, he envisioned you in it. Every bakery shop he passed, his eyes flitted up and down the fancy display cakes, pondering whether or not it would be good enough. Any time he woke up next to you, every time he joined you in the shower, every time he watched you cook, the urge to sink to one knee overtook him.

He knew he couldn’t make it that simple though. It was too domestic for him, so little of a gesture. He wanted you to know that he loved you, that he would bring you the moon if you wanted it. He needed you to see just how much he appreciates you for sticking with him through everything, and for that he needs a grand gesture.

However it seemed that nothing he could think of was quite big enough, quite meaningful enough, quite heartfelt enough. He was at the end of his wits. For one and a half months- seven weeks he had been fighting this battle alone.

He had made some progress in that time, having picked the ring because when he picked it up he just felt that this was the one. It was a niche store, and he was initially appalled by the average price of the rings, but decided, ah what the fuck? and entered the store for mostly shits and giggles. He was greeted by an expensive looking elderly gentleman who donned a monocle and silk gloves, clearly the clerk, and clearly an expert. He had the longest, most engaging talk with the man, explaining his situation and his frustrations, to which the man nodded understandingly and told of his own story and experience with marigge.

Seven long weeks he had kept it a secret from everyone, and now he couldn’t take it anymore.

He was just about to throw the towel on this whole thing and say fuck it and give up on this whole marriage thing and just accept that he would never make it, when he remembered that he didnt have to be alone in this. Not at all matter of fact. His best friend married his sister after all. If Ken could do it with the pressure of Shinichiro, Izana AND Mikey breathing down his neck, then surely he could do it too, right?

You were out on a girls night with Hinata, Senju and Yuzuha. Emma would have tagged along normally too, but with the addition of a new-born baby, she decided that it would be best to sit out this time. Either way you were out of the house for the night, and Mikey was left to his own devices. You had left him with a kiss and a home-cooked meal (which he felt bad about leaving behind so he completely stuffed himself before coming here) before he gave Ken a quick heads up over the phone that he was coming over with a VERY important problem.

Thats how he found himself here. Standing in the Kitchen of Emma and Ken‘s flat, hands perched on the counter, looking down at the surface, face in a deep frown. „What’s goin on? What’s the problem?“ Ken asks roughly, leaned on the refrigerator as he eyed his friend. Mikey didnt really respond though.

„What problem?“ Emma‘s voice was hushed as she entered through the kitchen door, pulling the door shut behind her, probably for the sake of the baby. „I dont know.“ Ken responded, rubbing his eyebrows „Ask your brother.“ he sighed as he gestured to Mikey who was still staring down the counter.

“Mikey?!” Emma sounded confused and a little concerned as she turned to look at him, eyes flitting between her brother and her husband. “Did you know he was coming over?”

Ken nodded wordlessly. “Said he needs our help about something.” Emma’s head tilted in question but accepted the fact. “What’s up Mikey?” She asked, approaching him and joining Draken at the other side of the counter.

Mikey didn’t say anything though, instead reaching into his pocket and producing a small, black, silk-encased box. He dropped it onto the table and looked up at the couple in desperation. “How do I do it?”

Ken gasped and felt his lips tug into a smile, happy that finally, finally Mikey was wiping you up (he had told him to do so since they were teens).

Emma slapped her hands over her mouth to muffle a silent scream, beginning to voice up and down on excitement as she realized- her brother was marrying you! She thanked the gods that Mikey fell in love with you because there was no better in-law than her Soulsister.

“Ahhhhh! Oh my goodness Mikey! I’m so happy for you! Can I see? Wow! Oh my god Ken are you seeing this!? He’s proposing! Ah I’m so glad!” Mikey nodded in response and let Emma pick up the box and crack it open, revealing the beautiful white-gold wedding band, encrusted with more diamonds than she could count. Notably, one large diamond sat in the middle of the ring, flanked by two smaller diamonds on each side.

“Oh.” Emma breathed. “Ken why didn’t you ask Manjiro for help when picking my ring?” Emma sounded slightly offended as she spoke, glaring down at the ring.

“Nah nah, don’t get it twisted girl. You told me what ring you wanted, I didn’t have much picking liberty other than the price.” Ken waved his hands in dismissal, brushing off her accusations with a grin still wide on his face. He made his way over to Mikey and clapped a hand on his shoulder, congratulating him for the occasion.

“Good on you man! Finally givin it the push, hah?” Ken was smiling as he searched for Mikey’s eyes, but he didn’t look up. “What’s up with the long face? You’re about to propose dude, you should be over the moon!”

Mikey sighed and shook his head. “I’ve been trying to propose to her for months. Months Ken. I can’t do it. It’s never right.”

The couple halted their celebrations and turned to look at Mikey again, Emma putting down the dainty box as her looks turns to one of concern. “What do you mean?” She fingered at the box as she leaned across the counter.

“It’s… i don’t know. Ken made it look so easy when he proposed to you, and Pah-chin was even more mindless about it! I really want to. I really do, but every time I get close, I chicken out because I get scared or because something isn’t right, and I’m starting to think that it’s better if I just… don’t.” Mikey sighed and cradled his head in his hands, his elbows resting on the counter.

Emma and Ken shared a look, a wordless exchange of worry and empathy. "What kind of proposal were you thinking of? Big? Small? Public? Private?" Emma started, hand rubbing soothingly across her brother's back.

"Big." Mikey mumbled into his hands, remaining hunched over the counter. "Big and public. I wanna make sure that everyone knows, everyone sees, I want them all to know. want them to know how much I love her."

Emma's eyes softened and she suppressed a smile, because all in all, it was cute. She had always known her brother to be big and strong, undefeatable, and most of all unwaverable. Mikey always put up the strong front when really, he was hurt. Vulnerability wasn't something that she was used to seeing from him, which made this moment all the more special.

"Do you want to go somewhere with her?" Ken steps in and asks, an idea arising. Mikey only grunts, a noise of agreement sounding through the room. "Do you know what kind of places she likes?" Ken continues.

Mikey's head slowly raises from the position on the table and he stares forward at the refrigerator. "Europe."

Emma and Ken looked at one another again, sensing that they were getting somewhere. "Then take her on Vacation. You both have that long shared break coming up, don't you? Travel through Europe and when it feels right, ask!" Ken said.

"How do I know when it feels right, though? What if it's not the moment?" Mikey asks, still not entirely convinced. "You'll know. I promise you, you'll know. I knew too and I didn't think I had the stuff to ever get married." Ken reassures again, and this time the two share eye contact, and it takes Draken a lot not to tear up.

Draken took a moment in his mind to look at Mikey. He had stuck by his side since they were kids, through thick and thin it's always been the two if them against the world. And now as he looked at Manjiro he no longer saw the unmatchable delinquent he saw ten years ago, but rather a distinguished person with complex thoughts and emotions. He saw a man that felt, a man that cared and a man that loved in front of him, and he couldn't be prouder.

Ken nodded at Mikey, and Mikey nodded back at him. "Yeah. She'll love it! Thanks, I'll do that! Gosh I don't know what id do without you two.."

"Oh, please propose to her in front of the Eifel Tower! Or the Coliseum! Or on some romantic Bridge in Venice!" Emma swooned and held her hands over her chest, hearts in her eyes.

Mikey smiled at her and nodded again. "I'll try and film it if I can."

The rest of the evening was spent with the three of them checking about a thousand booking sites, mapping travel routes and destinations, and the occasional cacophony of laughter which led to a grumpy Ryuguji-baby. Manjiro couldn't wait to go with you, he thought as he sat on one of the armchairs, gently running a thumb over the silk box that sat pretty in his hand.

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kamiversee · 2 months

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The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.).

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader]

"A good one."

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?"

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense.

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much?

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine."

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?"

...

"Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused.

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin.

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question.

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna-

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

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A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

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A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

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okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing?

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

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but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together.

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it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

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my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.”

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?”

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement.

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him.

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.”

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?”

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. - Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth.

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober.

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..."

Your brows furrow at that.

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you."

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..."

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly.

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?"

"You are."

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense."

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person."

"You could've prevented all this though..."

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you."

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him.

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.”

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow.

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.”

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up.

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.”

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility-

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.”

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…”

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.”

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.”

“But it’s true.” You say.

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

┏━━━

A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

┗━━━

---

but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing.

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence.

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

┏━━━

A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

┗━━━

another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

┏━━━

A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉

┗━━━

there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

┏━━━

A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

┗━━━

---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

#the f*ck list #tfl!theories #tfl spoiler #tfl #k!ans: ☃️

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angel-kyo · 1 month

Text

Pay it no mind

Part XIX

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII

----------------------

“So that’s what the old man wanted,” Satoru said as he took the lollipop out of his mouth and held it before his eyes. “Did you accept?”

Gojo had been hanging out with you in the teacher’s room when you were called for a meeting with principal Yaga and principal Gakuganji, who had come to visit the Tokyo school.

You shook your head in silence.

“He said I should think about it and give him my response before he leaves in two days.” You leaned against the wall just as Satoru was doing.

He had an amused smile on his face. “What is it now? He gets bored he goes talent hunting for Kyoto?”

You and Satoru had both been teaching at the Tokyo school for little over a year, and during that time, Yaga had told you once or twice that you could teach at Kyoto if you wanted to, they were sort of understaffed there as of lately and it would be a good opportunity, and you had always refused him, but when the offer came from Gakuganji himself, why had you not said anything immediately?

“So, are you going to think about it?" Satoru’s voice interrupted your thoughts, just as the image of him would always interrupt them whenever you had thought of leaving, of taking a different path.

In your early twenties, there were still many paths you could take, but you knew the same did not hold true for Satoru. You could be offered a position in Kyoto or assigned anywhere else, but Satoru could never leave Tokyo for the long-term, he was needed there more than anywhere.

“Do you think I should?” you asked him.

As much as Satoru wanted to say he would support any decision you made, he did not really like the idea of you moving to a different city. Even if Kyoto was not awfully far away, it would still probably mean that he would not see you as much, so what he said instead was:

“If you feel like you can’t handle the curses nor the students here, yeah, sure, think about it.”

He was smirking mockingly, and you knew he was just joking, but the side gaze he was giving you seemed to indicate he did not want you to think about it.

“It’s you the one I can’t handle here. Good luck to the one who has to keep you in check when I leave.” You nudged him.

“If it worries you that much, you should stay,” Satoru said and put the lollipop back in his mouth. His tone was as playful as before, and his words sounded lighthearted.

You two bantered a little more before both of you had to go to back to your students, but before you parted, he said:

“You love this city, and the students love you, and I... " For a second, you thought he was going to say he loved you too, but what he said was "I think you should stay here too.”

And so you did.

Had Satoru ever felt bad about telling you to stay? He had sometimes doubted he should have done it.

Had he been happy when you had stayed by his side while you bid farewell to Gakuganji two days later? Very.

***

When you opened your eyes, it took you a second to remember why the bed felt different. It was not your bed but Satoru’s, and the form next to you was the owner of the bed himself.

After coming back in, you had gone to sleep. Satoru believed that, since his bed was big enough to fit both of you with some room in between, you could just share it, but there had been two factors you had not considered : 1) Satoru was a clingy sleeper, and even if he had laid down on the other side of the bed, it would not take him long to roll into your side and put an arm around you, and 2) how flustered you would be when he did it.

It was a habit, and you had never considered it more than that before. Even when you were younger, Satoru would just lay down next to you, usually leaving some room between the two as to not purposefully touch you, but when he was asleep, he always ended up pressed to you.

Maybe he unconsciously searches for warmth when he sleeps.

Some time ago, the last time you had slept in Satoru’s room because he had been intoxicated and ended in a similar situation, you had been trying to get over him. Now you could not help but wonder if this could be what life would be like for you two if you were together. Would you spend more time at his place or at yours? Would you sleep together every night? Would he kiss you goodnight and snuggle next to you instead of awkwardly getting under the sheets on the opposite side of the bed as he had done today?

Would we be happy together?

You turned on your side to take a better look of Satoru with the little light that filtered from outside, but the movement seemed to awake him.

“What is it?” his voice was soft and if he noticed the way his arm was wrapped around you, he did not show any intention of removing it. “Can’t sleep?”

You shook your head. “I was just wondering if we would be happy.”

He smiled lazily and blinked slowly as if his eyes wanted to go back to sleep. “We have been happy, haven’t we?”

We have, you thought. And didn’t someone said once that if something works, you should not try to fix it?

You looked at him, his eyes that held the skies in them, his sharp features that could look so soft when he was relaxed like this, his lips that had touched yours a few times and had felt as soft as they looked.

“I know, but don’t you think things will change if we…?” you stopped talking realizing Satoru had closed his eyes again, likely giving up against the need for sleep.

But when you moved lightly under his arm, you heard him murmur “We will be happier, I know it.”

And maybe it was the way he was holding onto you or how comfortable it felt, but you believed him.

***

“Are you alone?” Shoko’s voice came soundly and clearly from Satoru’s phone, and he directed a quick glance at you to see if you had heard it.

Why would she ask him that?

You appeared to understand his look as a cue to leave him alone in his living room and Shoko took his silence as an indication that he was indeed not alone, so she continued.

“Are you with [name]?”

Satoru finally spoke. “They just left the room. Were you trying to reach them?”

Shoko seemed to hesitate for a second. “No… I just wanted to check if they were taking missions tonight. If they are with you, it should be fine.”

“What do you mean?” Satoru thought it odd that Shoko called for that. Why had she not called you instead?

“Gojo, I think there is something you need to know about.”

----------------------

Note: Huh... Realizing now that I'm not consistent when it comes to parts' length. Anyways...

Thank you for reading!

Next: Part XX

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo x y/n #jjk drabbles #jjk fanfic #gojo fanfic #gojo x you #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen #gojo fluff #or maybe angst?#pay it no mind

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anime-grimmy-art · 6 months

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It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel.

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

#art year in review #anime-grimmy #fanart #sketch #comic #animatic #undertale #trigun #legend of zelda #monster hunter #kingdom hearts #undead unluck #genshin impact

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the-s1lly-corner · 8 months

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Hiiiii~! Can I kindly ask for some reverse comfort for Pomni, Ragatha and Gangle with an s/o who is a magician of sorts. S/o is always doing little tricks and such to keep them entertained and/or amused, they are always helping with something if they want. Like helping Gangle fix her mask or whisk away the centipedes Jax left in Ragatha’s room. And overall just provide a sense of comfort for them.

Pomni, Ragatha, and Gangle x a caring!magician!reader !

i really needed to write this because i really popped off with the character anguish in the last post i dont know what happened to me but i need to write something fluffy otherwise im going to implode i love writing about grief and the inherent weakness of man but god damn!!! also i hope you guys like the new format im trying out; i think i might switch between this format and bullet points since sometimes i just need to yap my trap but other times i need the structure that bullet points give me yk

POMNI:

while pomni is not a clown, i like to think you two try to magic tricks... i think, depending on how long pomni has been in the digital world, they would indulge in you... besides, spending time with you is always nice.. you teach her the ropes of the digital world as well, mostly things that ragatha missed and the like. you always lend a ear when pomni stresses over needing to find an exit. even if you arent actively trying to escape or if you have already accepted your current predicament, you still offer your support. its sweet, really. hold the jester, its why you were given hands

RAGATHA:

i know ive used this idea before, and you said it in your ask but i love the idea of someone/the reader helping ragatha check her room for bugs!! imagine making a show of the entire thing with your silly magician abilities to try to ease the tension out of ragatha; who is obviously scared about the fact that theres centipedes in her room. as a side thing imagine putting her hair back behind her ear... or rather, making the motion... im not sure if ragatha would have ears or not but... imagine doing the motion and pulling a flower out of thin air for her. i think that would be sweet and cute. ragatha takes the flower, rosy cheeked and all flustered and and and !!!

GANGLE:

when you came to gangle and gave her a repaired comedy mask she was over the moon! you had even added some extra flair for it so its more personalized for her.. she never lets you hear the end of how happy she is! though, i feel she would be more heartbroken than before if it were to break... but not to worry! you just turn this into a night between the two of you where you mend the mask together! kinda dry on gangle ideas for this one, my apolocheese </3

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #gangle x reader

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xxlovelynovaxx · 9 months

Text

Okay I know this is referring to a very specific phenomenon but takes like this still PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. Screenshot below.

STOP FUCKING MAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPERIENCE OF AND APPROACH TO THEIR ILLNESS ABOUT YOU.

Screenshot end.

[Image ID: two screenshots of a tumblr post which reads: ive been on tumblr a long time and i remember when everyone said "oh don't romanticize mental illness" and it was agreed that doing that was gross and a good way to kill people indirectly

but somehow we've come full circle and there are people who legit defend their right to be anti-recovery there are people who don't want to get better and spread the idea that you can't get better as if it's gospel and it's fucking frightening to me bc nobody seems to want to say "hey? this is toxic and untrue and is your disease speaking, and it's not something you should accept."

and i feel like every recovery post gets about 500 of these people saying "this isn't something that will work" "cool karen i'm depressed" "maybe it worked for you but it won't work for other people" and that's... just... im so sorry if you're 15. i'm sorry if you're in high school and watching grown adults tell you it doesn't get better. that nobody says that with time and help and patience the world stops being so heavy, that accepting your illness as a fact is one thing but accepting it as the only way to be is just wrong, that you can learn to live with it and still find some degree of "happy".... if i had seen this shit back when i was ... oh god starting at 12 when i was already self-harming .... i think i'd have actually honest-to-god killed myself. not a joke, not a funny tumblr punchline, i would have actually just killed myself.

i'm saying this right here and right now to the adults on this site. if you for any reason shoot down positivity that's causing no harm - you might have indirectly worsened someone else's condition, and you should try and do better in the future. if you find it necessary to tell people "recovery is a lie", you need to do better. i know everyone has different circumstances, but i also know that mental illness behaves in such a way that everyone thinks they can't recover. if you feel like you should be spreading the Word Of Relapse, you are causing toxic language to be normalized and you need to do better.

im team "cool karen ive got depression and that means i'm going to try this because i've got to try something" i'm team "romanticize recovery" i'm team "it isn't working now but it might in the future and it's worth staying to find out” im team “hey this didn't work for me but it might help somebody else out"

fuck guys it shouldn't be an unpopular opinion to say "i don't want any of you to die". /end ID]

Stop denying the autonomy of mentally ill and mad people and saying "this is just your mental illness speaking and if you think this you need to be forced to recover for your own good"!!! You're a huge fucking ableist if you do this! It's something I've fucking accepted because constantly fighting against it was causing me MORE HARM than learning to live as a person with mental illness, fuck off!

Some people genuinely can't recover! Get this, some people have MORE SEVERE mental or physical illness than you. How is this fucking different than saying "[medication] or [treatment regimen] made my MCAS/POTS go into complete remission, so why are you still experiencing anaphylactic episodes despite trying every possible intensive treatment/med?"

(I try to only use examples I have personal experience with whenever possible to avoid unintentional ableism. This one is especially apt though as depression and most mental illnesses are not an acute injury, but rather a chronic illness. Remission is possible for some people. At least currently, a "cure" isn't, and recovery is usually closer to management than complete healing. Ofc not all injuries can heal either, but I think it's more apt to compare apples to apples here.)

Also, depression isn't the only mental illness, double fuck off!

Get this, I know my own needs and my own brain and my own illness better than you, triple fuck off!

Like yes, don't shit on positivity posts. In the same way anti-recovery posts aren't for everyone, if a recovery positivity post isn't for you, just move on. Filter or block if you need to.

That being said, there's a difference between positivity posts and posts that say "recovery/this aspect of recovery is mandatory". That kind of "positivity" IS causing harm. Stating "hey this isn't mandatory for recovery and recovery itself is optional, do what helps you most even if that means remaining mentally ill" isn't fucking "spreading the Word of Relapse".

Also "maybe it worked for you but it won't work for everyone" is quite literally not an attack and CERTAINLY not anti-recovery. There isn't a single recovery tool on the PLANET that will work for everyone. That's just a fucking fact.

All I can think of when I see this is that OP probably reblogged that post that basically said "you need to brush your teeth, if you don't you're harming yourself and are therefore a Bad Person, and if you can't, you can actually and are basically just refusing to recover out of laziness I mean because you're not trying hard enough I mean because you don't want to and your poor mental health is basically therefore your fault." Because yes, that was the implication of that post.

Refusing to acknowledge that people can be disabled enough BY ANY ILLNESS to not be able to recover isn't actually helping mentally ill people.

Like, even setting aside that I literally romanticize my mental illnesses as a healthy coping mechanism (signed off on by my therapist, in case you only believe people certified by the oppressive institution known as psychiatry), even setting aside that I have mental illnesses that can't be cured and that I don't want treated in part or in whole (I don't want meds or therapy for my schizophrenia, I only want to achieve functional multiplicity with my DID, as examples)...

It's not "spreading the idea that you can't get better" to acknowledge that SOME people can't get better. First of all, fucking curate your own online experience. Second of all, me saying I will never live without severe anxiety, as one example, is exactly the same as me saying I'll never be able to navigate the world without a mobility aid. It's fucking acknowledging my material reality. It's better for ME to stop wasting all my energy on the stuff that I either fully can't do or that hurts me to try to do and focus on what PERSONALLY makes my quality of life better, even if it makes me MORE ILL.

Finally, even if someone CAN recover, they don't fucking owe you that! There is no moral imperative for them to recover! If them choosing to continue to be mentally ill (by which this post only means depression, but even then), is triggering to you, that's a fucking you problem.

Give people the tools to recover, but forced recovery is inherently a form of violence because it violates a person's autonomy! Why don't you focus on building a society where the social conditions responsible for a good portion of depression are simply gone instead of yelling at mentally ill disabled people on the internet who make choices about their own illness that you don't like?

And stop fucking saying "if you make a decision I disagree with, it's your mental illness speaking and you're not actually capable of recognizing that or of making your own decisions (and therefore need "rescuing")"!!!

That's the justification used for institutionalization and psychiatric abuse.

That's the reason so many psychotic people who are not harming anyone have their psychosis forcibly suppressed via nonconsensual medication. (And quite honestly, even for those few that are causing harm, there are other options besides "lose all autonomy" and "be harmfully medicated into an approximation of a sanist concept of normalcy that is actually just drugging someone into docile compliance". Make no mistake, antipsychotics themselves are not inherently harmless and DO require informed consent. Though I am all for their usage by people who DO grant noncoerced informed consent; I'm not anti-med, I'm pro-consent.

It's not "normalizing toxic language" to literally argue for mad liberation and respecting the autonomy of mentally ill people. To say "I actually know my own self and experiences best and can therefore say this is not coming from the mental illness" or EVEN "it is coming from the mental illness, but I am still capable of making the decision to choose this anyway, because mental illness does not make me inherently incapable of consent" (yes, even if it causes the brain to be in an altered state, stop with that paternalistic bullshit), isn't something you need to "do better" about.

Fuck off.

Another thing: why do these posts ALWAYS go hand in hand with childism. It's a bunch of "15 years olds being hurt by the meanie adults who say they can't get better" and "toxic evil adults harming kids by teaching them that it's okay to make peace with being unhealthy because what's best for people isn't universal and our idea of recovery is very rigid anyway as proven by the idea that accepting your mental illness as it is isn't recovery".

I see you, 15 year olds who ARE mentally ill and are writing about mad liberation and anti-recovery and are wildly more capable and coming up with ideas in those veins that are blowing us all out of the water. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you, and my only wish for you is that you find the peace, whatever that means, that is best for you.

Just...

"if I had read this at 12 I would have actually killed myself" I'm glad you didn't, then, but that doesn't mean the sentiment shouldn't exist.

If anti-recovery isn't for you, that's fine. What's not fine is acting like it's inherently harmful and is a form of violence against every mentally ill person ever. Because many of us have been harmed by a culture that is "pro-recovery" and its logical extreme, forced recovery.

#anti-recovery #anti psych #ableism #childism #sanism #psych abuse #forced recovery #autonomy violation #nonconsensual medication #forced medication #normalism #healthism #institutionalization

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nogenderbee · 1 year

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Hi thereee ! Im a huge fan of your work (ur writing is rlly amazing ehejeidkwiwn) and ive had this ideea for a while so like

Reader and the pjsk guys (maybe tsukasa and rui, separately) are hanging out in reader's sekai (wich doesnt have a song yet) and the boys decide to confess to reader and reader accepts their confession the song from reader's sekai gets born, what would be their reaction?

(Also this is my first time requesting sorry if i didnt do it properly!! •○•)

Awhh thank you so much! And I absolutely love this idea, it's just so so sweet!! You can say I had a little too much fun writing it so... I hope you enjoy it just as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

Tsukasa, Rui are the reason for readers first song

TagList: @alicewinterway18 - come get your future star!

I won't tag you here since you'll get pinged either way heh

After Tsukasa discovered that the both of you have your own SEKAIs, it definitely was his idea that you should start hanging out with each others SEKAIs. It just so happened that you mostly hanged out at your SEKAI since your was usually free and his was often crowded by his troup.

So when you told him you don't have any songs, he decided to help you find the right feelings but of course he still had friendly hangouts with you. Today was one of those days when you just hanged out but he had some more serious plans, and fact that he was stressed was painted all over him, but he kept telling you that he's alright.

When he finally felt like it was the right time to tell you his feelings, he went on one knee and took your hand in his.

"YN, I am very aware that you probably think of my only as your friend but this star cannot hold his feelings any longer! The truth is, I have fallen deeply in love with you so will you give me this honor of being your lover?"

The moment was already so unbelievable for you and for him as well once the word "Yes" left your mouth. He literally stood up and hugged you tightly once he heard this one pretty word.

What both of you didn't knew this is the fact that his confession helped you create your first song. Unlike him, you noticed it the next time you were about to hang out in your SEKAI so of course you showed him. The song described the moment, your feelings, what you saw, how nervous he was, how he felt so perfectly! And the two of you even were singed as artist even though none of you remember singing that but I guess that's just the charm of SEKAI?

When you showed him that song, he was stunned... but in a good way! He simply couldn't believe that confessing his true feelings towards you was all he had to do to help you create your song. He doesn't mind tho, after all he helped you and now got you as his lover at once!

"W-We what?! So... at the end I helped you create your first song? I knew a star like me could do it! How about we get singing that song? It can be pretty fun!"

If there are some cheesy lines in the song then he may stutter a little but he quickly tried to go back to normal since he wants to impress you and a star shouldn't make mistakes like that. But he mostly wants to just impress you.

After Rui discovered the two of you have your own SEKAIs, he definitely was interested in yours so it's not a surprise that you hanged out mostly at there.

When you were hanging out there with him, the two of you usually just wandered around and maybe discovered some new places or things about your SEKAI. So of course he definitely noticed that you don't have any song but decides not to mention it and instead he tries to help you create one.

Today tho he had a plan in mind. He knew that you probably will hate him after it but he simply can't hold it inside him anymore. So when he felt confidence in him, he proceed to tell you what he wanted.

"YN, there's something I need to tell you and it's alright if you won't want to see me afterwards... but I really feel for you and if you let me then I'd love to be someone more than just a friend for you."

He really was ready for you to kick him out of your SEKAI and say no you don't want to ever breath the same air as he but surprisingly you agreed, and he couldn't be any more happier.

Although Rui felt like something happened right there, he thought it's just his imagination so none of you really noticed that song was created. After he left your SEKAI tho, you wandered around it alone for a bit of time and saw a song that wasn't there before, because hey you didn't had any song! And when you checked it out, authors happened to be you and now your boyfriend.

When you showed him that song, he really was shocked that his confession could create a song. But of course he listened to it and remember he'll pay really close attention to lyrics since he knows that songs are made from true feelings. So if there's something cheesy and we know there definitely is then he most likely will tease you about it.

"Awhh~ You really do have strong feeling for me, don't you? And I thought I was the cheesy one in our relationship!"

To be honest, he's a little relieved to know that you really do love him and not playing just some jokes on him.

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

#project sekai #colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #x reader #project sekai x reader #colorful stage x reader #project sekai colorful stage x reader #tsukasa tenma #rui kamishiro #tsukasa tenma x reader #rui kamishiro x reader #project sekai tsukasa tenma #project sekai rui kamishiro #project sekai tsukasa x reader #project sekai rui x reader #fluff #project sekai fluff #oneshot #project sekai oneshot

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bloodgulchblog · 22 days

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In light of what others have asked about the Banished, do you ever feel like the narrative writers (not all, but by-and-large) haven’t been interested in telling stories about morally complex aliens—writing them as people, in other words?

After years spent waiting for the post-war setting, for me the Kilo Five trilogy’s messaging signaled that 343 weren’t interested in telling that kind of story, especially after more years of alien terrorists who really want to kill humans again constantly being centered (while seemingly ignoring that the Great Schism was A Thing) and with the Swords of Sanghelios being deemphasized to the point where only a paragraph in the 2022 Encyclopedia’s “Splinter Factions” section was dedicated to them while the Banished got three dozen.

With some of the new story shards and Halo: Outcasts I feel like things are starting to turn around, but I do worry that they’ll shift back.

I don't know anything about anything for real but I think what's going on is this:

First and foremost, before it is anything else, Halo is an investment Microsoft is trying to make money on. The way it does this is primarily by selling purchases in a live services video game where you compete at running around shooting other players and (only recently) sometimes computers. They do make money on merch and things like books and such, but it's not remotely as much as they make on shootman video game.

They have a huge incentive to continue telling stories where running around shooting is the main action. Ergo, the stories Halo's writers tell need to create excuses to have this action and to make that part seem fun and enticing.

(The fact that Halo's pvp has never really had anything to do with events occurring in the lore doesn't really matter, once they have the campaign story excuse game for the multiplayer. "It's a training exercise for Spartan-IVs" was a very late addition, and oldschool Halo didn't bother framing it at all because nobody cared. Frankly, I think most people who play Halo PVP still don't really care.)

So, Halo's not interested in post-war and anything that amounts to recovery because it doesn't do a lot to contribute to Halo's core goal of making shootgame money that keeps convincing Microsoft that the people who make Halo should get the paychecks they need to afford to live indoors and eat food.

I do think there are people working on Halo who are interested in and curious about these ideas, and I really do think the Arbiter and the Swords of Sanghelios and the Sangheili in general are house favorites. (Why else would they be finding excuses to continue bringing the Sangheili into the games even if they can only fit them in as part of the Banished now, when the Sangheili are the species the Jiralhanae probably hate the most?)

Honestly, Halo isn't good at deep or complex characters of any species most of the time and when things are good it's because someone managed to give them some extra love somewhere. Halo has never needed a watertight, emotionally intelligent narrative. It just sometimes skates close on things like the Arbiter, and even though the Arbiter's arc is easily the strongest part of Halo 2's story the gamers hated it and that's why it was so curtailed in Halo 3.

They gotta make shootman games, and sell the shootman games, and that requires an acceptable enemy. For a while they were pivoting toward having Forerunner enemies, but now those are associated with an unpopular time in Halo (especially Halo 5). And Halo is at an age where it feels like every new thing about it is "trying to return to the roots" so... shooting familiar-looking aliens that people have nostalgia for.

Frankly, this is the biggest reason why I'm sighing and waiting for them to bring back the Flood again even though I'm really just not looking forward to that. It feels inevitable.

#asks

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marshmallowprotection · 3 months

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ive never seen it before but i really like the lesbian rika hc!! is there a reason behind why you hc it or is it just one of those things that feels right?

Mainly, it's just because it feels right to me. In another sense, it's got a lot to do with the fact that I think Rika needed more time to live and experience the world before she stumbled into Jihyun Kim's artwork. She found him not long before she got kicked out. She worked as his muse / model for a short while before that happened, and that's how she ended moving in with him and their relationship snowballed from that point.

When Rika talks at length about Jihyun Kim, she doesn't speak like she's in love with him as a person, she speaks to the effect of wanting to BECOME him. Rika has never wanted to be herself. She, as herself, has never been good enough for the world in her eyes. She was never wanted as a baby as far she knows. She was never truly wanted with her adopted family because she wasn't "angelic" enough.

There was a single moment in her life when she found the agency to have control, and that's when she acted like the devil to keep Sally at her side and confronted the entire church for their bigotry. That's one of the major reasons why Rika bounces back and forth between that angel and devil iconography in the series. She only felt like she had a sense of autonomy when she was the devil.

But, Jihyun Kim?

The man with shining eyes who captured the sun in a way that made her feel alive?

He doesn't have to be the devil to feel in control. He doesn't have to fight inner demons like she does when it comes to trying to decide who he is as a person at crucial moments of right and wrong. He has a world of freedom and liberty and beauty. She doesn't have that. It becomes the reason why she ultimately obsesses over with him.

The game doesn't exactly do a good job in showing the full scope of this particular narrative, and unless you've got Rika's Diary from the Box and you've played her DLC, you're gonna miss these details. It's damning once you see it, though. Rika wants to become V to escape being herself.

I won't say Rika didn't love Jihyun because she did love him on some level. But, she wasn't in love with him. She was in love with the idea of love, and the idea of becoming Jihyun Kim. She could never become him, though, and that's... that's ultimately one of the things that hurt her when she hit rock bottom.

When she killed Mother Choi to defend herself and she stood there, realizing that she couldn't be an angel, she couldn't be the RFA's Rika Kim, and she couldn't become Jihyun Kim to run away from the devil she fears becoming even though being the devil was the damn thing that also helped her feel liberated? She gave up on trying to be what she thought the world wanted and accepted that she could only be a devil.

That led to the creation of Mint Eye as Mika spurned her to lean more and more into her devil. She took Mika's idea and made it her own in stride, going further than what Mika might've done had she lived as Rika lashed out at herself, Saeran, Ray, Jihyun, and the RFA in anger and contempt. She burned her bridges and everyone around her in an instant.

A huge part of her anger at Jihyun isn't just that he "spurned" her devil, it's because she's still angry that she couldn't become him to escape her devil. The obsession between Jihyun and Rika is such a messy topic to talk about from both sides, but just speaking from Rika's angle here since I've talked way more about Jihyun than her over the years, she loved the idea of him more than being with him.

Neither he nor her should've gotten in a relationship because they both needed a lot of help and care for themselves first.

Whenever Rika interacts with the player in the moments when the MC has a chance to bridge the gap and listen to her above everyone else, she lowers her guard in a way I don't see her doing Jihyun. Her relationship with MC in the V Bad Ending certainly isn't a healthy one in the slightest, but there's something worth saying about the way in which Rika says:

"You make me feel like a person, not the Savior, not the muse of Jihyun's obsession, or someone who will be taken advantage of by those around me."

Ever since I played that ending, I've just been unable to read Rika as anything other than a lesbian who never had the space to realize she liked women because of the oppressive environment her religion had on her as a person. She never had the chance to find the language to express her feelings and she latched onto V when she did because it was like... he was her only hope, and she wanted to become him more than she ever loved him.

In a way, Jihyun was her Savior, like God, and even Jihyun himself confesses he tried to act like a God or Savior to her at their lowest moments together in that codependent, toxic relationship.

I think if Rika had more of a chance to explore herself, she would find out that she's queer. She feels more drawn to women then she ever did with men and with time, she'd find the word for herself and feel at home with it. For someone who's felt the sting of religion hurt me on my journey to find my identity, the thought of Rika working hard to unravel her trauma and accept herself is a peaceful arc in my heart.

I just wonder, if I ever sat down with her, would she say she wanted to feel a spark with Jihyun but it was never there? She was obsessed with him because she wanted to be him, to love him, and to be loved in turn, but it always felt strange? She wanted it with him, but in her heart, there was always something there telling her that this wasn't quite how she wanted to experience love?

And maybe that's why being with MC in VBE1 felt so right for Rika, and why was she able to communicate how she felt at ease with her MC? Like, I know there are limitations in Mystic Messenger when it comes down to sapphic routes, and they get as close as they can in many ways, which paved the way for other otome to soar even more in that regard. But, I know the game won't outright say it one way or the other for Rika, even though we've had 1000000% confirmation for Jaehee and I'll fight anyone who says Jaehee's route isn't one of the most romantic ones.

But, yeah, lesbian Rika real in my heart. I know there are some people who headcanon Rika as bi, but I don't get a read on her that feels that way so I've always viewed her as a lesbian who only figures that out for herself when she meets MC and really self-reflects on what she thinks love is, not just as an idea or an obsession, but what it really means to be in love.

I'm surprised you haven't seen the lesbian Rika HC before because most of the people I know in this fandom also view Rika as a lesbian!

I know a few people with MCs shipped with Rika that are the cutest, actually! Off the top of my head, I know @natasha-in-space has an MC for Rika she'd probably love to gush about! I've done some art and writing in the past for folks who have Rika MCs, too. I just love seeing MCs for the entire cast. Rika MCs are rare, but when I see any of them, I'm happy!

#i feel like i have to say this on every rika post i ever write #guys just because i try to understand rika as a person doesn't mean i condone or erase her actions as the savior or an abuser #i want her to go to jail and be held accountable for her crimes #but on some level i also want her to find peace for her own trauma because my god her pastor and adopted parents were fucking garbage

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a-certain-romance · 1 year

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hmmm i had a thought and i was wondering if you can write something based off this? or you can even write this but in your way lol 😘😘😘

thought—

warning: fem reader with a dick! ,

kinks ; implied breeding, size difference

modern au!

— ok so, fem reader with a kid who hires raiden ei as a babysitter!

despite gaming as a continuous hobby, ei was still in dire need of a job. she just couldnt sit her ass in front of a screen, gaming all day!!! she needed something else to do besides that. she seeked job opportunities, although some rejected her due to her connection with yae miko (who they feared). so when she reached out to miko about these occasions, miko could just laugh at her but, she gave her a proposal about a certain friend of hers needing a babysitter, and that certain friend was fem reader. so ei takes up the oppurtunity because she has experience in babysitting (thanks to kunikuzushi when makoto was away.)

when miko and fem reader talked about ei accepting the job, fem reader couldnt be more relieved! timeskip to ei’s first day of the job, and it goes well, has some interactions with fem reader and the child, and ei grows fond of the both!

however, as ei continues to work there, fem reader cant help but feel weird and giddy when ei is there. time goes on, and reader develops an obsession with ei.

one day, fem reader arrives from work, to see her child and ei talking. she hears the child ask ei : “when can i get another mommy? i want one already :(…”

and that statement happens to be said as soon as fem reader walks into the room. ei looks at the door to see her boss there, and she’s in shock at the next few words fem reader says :

“dear, why don’t i make miss ei your new stepmommy instead? how would you like that, hm?”

fem reader is smirking, looking at ei. the child quickly agrees with the idea, loving the thought of having ei as her new other mom. “can i also have a sibling? i have no one to play with at home, mommy.”

fem reader grins even more, and tells the child : “ive been planning that, sweetie. just wait, i can get you one by tomorrow.”

the child then gets put to bed, leaving fem reader and ei alone downstairs in the living room. fem reader has ei’s small frame pinned on the couch, glaring down at her.

“help me fulfill my promise, hm? i never lie to my daughter, so make sure you bear my child tomorrow.”

ei barely gets the time to process, but she lets fem reader have her way, agreeing to everything proposed to her.

night passes, yet the thrusts of fem reader’s hips never stop pounding against the ass of ei. ei feels tired and used, but she accepts the pleasure, never once complaining. ei can barely feel her stomach anymore, besides the fact that her womb’s been filled up with so much cum at this point. she only receives and receives even more, not caring if she bears reader’s child or not. <3

(god my head is crazy)

Love these types of anons<3

Done with school for the time being so I have the time to write more for this blog. Happy pride to those who celebrate🏳️‍🌈

Characters/Ships: Ei x fem!reader with a dick

Warning: Smut written by a minor, breeding, creampies, anal

There was something about how perfectly Ei fit into your little family. Like a puzzle piece, Ei felt completely at ease with caring for the little one. Because of her gaming capabilities, the two of them have a blast doing board games and other fun activities that kept them entertained.

But having her around to babysit wasn’t enough for you. You tried to keep your thoughts wholesome, you really did, but your obsession got the better of you. The image of claiming Ei, making her yours by breeding her to your heart’s content, makes you throb every time you think about it.

And those 2 little questions from your sweet, sweet child was your opening. Ei was blushing through the whole conversation and even after the child was put to bed. She noticed the way you look at her. She’s spent less time gaming during the night so she can touch herself, either with her fingers or a dildo, to the thought of you taking her with your thick cock. She imagines what it would feel like to be wrapped around you and pounded into oblivion. When they asked for a sibling, every dirty scenario she’s thought of made themselves known behind Ei’s far away look.

She’s just so cute, so easy to pin down. Ei could resist, but she wanted a this just as much as your did. Despite letting you have your way, she took the liberty of stripping both your clothes and hers. She took extra time to slide off your bottoms and wrap her hand around your cock with excitement. She pumped it a few times but it didn’t make much of a difference, with your own dirty mind running rampant you were already hard at the thought of taking her.

At first you pounded into her on the couch. But before either of you could cum, you were scared Ei’s loud moans would wake the child and ruin all the fun. Instead, you picked her body up and carried her to the bedroom to finish what you started. Ei laid on the bed with you on top. When you started to go thrust faster Ei’s legs pulled you down by your hips. With a nod from Ei you came inside for the first time that night.

The rest of the night was a blur of different positions, the last one being you pushing Ei down into the mattress and cumming twice in her from behind. Ei’s spent, heaving body couldn’t catch a break, not that she minded all that much. With orgasm after orgasm her body was so sensitive. Ei can feel all the cum you’ve released inside her womb, the thought of bearing your child is practically guaranteed.

But if not, there’s plenty of time try again.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin smut #ei x reader #ei smut #ei x you #ei x y/n #raiden shogun smut #raiden ei #raiden x reader #💋

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y0urnewhyperfixation2 · 9 months

Text

autistic rwby hcs

ive been seeing a lot of autistic rwby hcs so here's some of my own :)) it's very unorganized so good luck (totally was not projecting throughout all of this)

RUBY - the autistic silly ever i love her sm. we already see in the show, even the manga she's crazy obsessed with weapons so I'll take that as either her special interest or hyperfixation. i like to hc that when she was little she rambled abt weapons to mainly yang, but when she went to beacon she began talking abt them more to blake. sometimes even weiss would listen (but again, mainly blake). ALSO ruby cannot understand social cues for her LIFE (me fr). This is a common trait many autistic people share. Overall, she has trouble communicating and interacting with others in v1. In one of the first few episodes (ep 2 i think) she seems to oppose the idea of making new friends when Yang brings it up. This could hint at a small disliking for change (that she eventually learns can be a good thing). when she was younger i like to imagine that ruby wouldn't really have a sense of fear, and would often get herself into dangerous situations that yang or summer had to pull her out of. impulsive ruby perhaps. probably a clumsy little kid too. now these are just hcs so i hc ruby as a leg bouncer. i think she'd stim the most out of all of rwby and just can't keep still no matter what (maybe AuADHD ruby rose idk just an idea). I think ruby would enjoy hand-flapping when she's excited, and she's usually bouncing on her toes or swaying on her feet bc shes so restless. chewing her nails too when she's anxious. I like the idea that ruby would sit down and rock herself when she's distressed (again, totally not projecting). hc that ruby would also despise eye contact. also i think ruby would absolutely hate the texture of eggs, idk why. ruby also has meltdowns from time to time, but they increase in numbers the closer they get to v9 and worsen. ALSO ALSO ALSO ruby has trouble controlling her volume, incorrect pitch tone and speed. basically ruby is very autistic to me :D

WEISS - weiss is a trickier one tbh but I CAN SEE IT. ok so yknow that one time in v2 (or 3 idk) where weiss wont shut up abt the vytal festival and remnant world history n stuff. and that other time she starts talking to ruby abt vale's communication tower and the history behind it. i know she's probably just invested in that stuff bc shes weiss and she was also from another country (atlas), but STILL. i think she would hyperfixate on that stuff. she would like to just compile the weirdest most random facts ever abt the world around her and just start spouting them out at everybody bc it makes her so happy. this makes people think she's a know-it-all though, so :( which also leads into my hc that weiss was forced to mask her autism for a LONG time in Schnee Manor. her father thought she had some "illness" and took the ableist route (sounds familiar). i think this would lead to weiss being insecure abt her autism and having that sinking feeling of needing to be "fixed". dw, weiss begins to embrace and accept her autism the more time she spends with rwby :) also, even if weiss is pretty sarcastic herself i think she had trouble understanding sarcasm back at beacon. she got a little better at deciphering it over the next few volumes but ultimately she has trouble sussing it out sometimes. i also think that weiss would bounce her leg when she's nervous, probably twirl her pencil. her voice gets noticeably higher in the show when she's excited (like when she met with Winter), so i hc that she squeals when shes super happy. she would enjoy organizing as well. maybe she'd even use singing as a vocal stim. at first, i think weiss would've hated being touched, but then she shifts to be absolutely touch-starved. (she likes yang and ruby's hugs the best bc the deep pressure calms her) and also we all know weiss probably sucked at making friends if she ever had the opportunity. she probably also is crazy good at spotting even the smallest details and observations and stuff. ive also considered bpd weiss but y'all arent ready for that discussion

BLAKE - now i'll be honest: i haven't actually thought abt autistic blake a lot. the thought kinda just skimmed my mind im sorry ;w; but we all know blake would hyperfixate on her books. a bunch. ngl she'd probably be that one person in the fandom writing a whole lot of fanfics idk why. maybe she had a small hyperfixation for wildlife and nature when she was little. i can see her being one of those kids who enjoyed playing in the grass and collecting bugs in Menagerie. in the show (beacon arc) we do know that blake is more reserved and it takes a while for her to trust, and its probably bc of her past relationship with adam but shhhhh. BUT at the beginning of v1 we do notice that blake prefers to be alone, and this is different from the whole 'running away bc she thinks she's endangering everyone else' thing. like, at the beginning of v1 she's implied to be mildly annoyed at yang's attempts to befriend her, and she immediately walks away from ruby the first time they met. many autistic people prefer to be alone and blake may have been one of those people. again, just my hcs. i think blake would've had a slightly similar case to weiss, masking her autism around adam. (but less extreme and she stopped masking earlier than weiss.) ghira and kali probably got her diagnosed at a young age, so blake's always been aware of her autism and overall, she doesn't have a big problem with it. i think (mainly post v9) blake would sometimes purr or like yknow hum to soothe herself. i can also see her organizing and rearranging stuff. she would also run her fingers and twirl her hair a bunch. i also think blake would be the most affected from loud noises, and she owns a pair of modified cat-ear headphones for this. blake's social battery is drained pretty easily too.

YANG - haven't thought of her that much either ;w; but i think her special interest would be motorcycles or smth like that. similar to blake, maybe she was obsessed with nature at some point, like bugs and birds. i think yang would also find comfort in deep pressure. probably owns a heavy-weighted blanket (she and ruby would cuddle up underneath it when they were both overwhelmed as kids). yang probably bounces her leg too when she's nervous, maybe taps her fingers on the desk or chews her pencil. i think yang would also struggle with managing her emotions and has several methods to calm herself down. oh and yeah i think yang would've been diagnosed at a young age. she doesn't really know whats "wrong" with her at first, but comes to accept her autism pretty easily after that. when she was little i think she had a rough time making friends. she was always too loud and couldn't control her volume. taiyang has always made an effort to understand yang's autism and tries to help her in any way he can (yang gets a little annoyed by it). oh no yang is a hard one too uhhhh lemme think. yang would've loved certain sweet, flowery smells and fluffy textures as a kid, and often went to them seeking comfort. maybe scented pillow or smth. i think she would've also been those kids to carry around a comfort object like a stuffed animal everywhere (ruby does this too). probably one of those kiddos to also get hurt a lot, so summer would have to patch her up almost every day after school. yang learns to be more careful and watchful of her steps later on. i feel like yang would also be kinda picky abt what clothes and fabric she wears bc of the texture.

my brain juices are dead so those are my autistic rwby hcs. uhm yay bye help this took hours for some reason even though nobody is gonna see this lol

#rwby #rwby thoughts #greenlight rwby volume 10

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