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profoundbondfanfic · 7 days

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do you have any destiel horrorfic recs?? (prefferably longfics with little to no smut but i can skip smut scenes)

also i love ur account ive found some of my favs on here/gen <33

Here are a few that came to mind (most with very skippable smut):

A Complete Kingdom by komodobits (Explicit, 85k words)

The sea; it swallows me. It comes up to my knees and it swallows me. The boys owe Jody a few dozen favours, and so when her niece goes missing near an old fishing village on the coast of Maine, Dean, Sam, and a newly human Castiel agree to take the case on. They settle into an old abandoned lighthouse-keepers' cottage, and slowly the tide comes in. (post-s8)

Between Love and Agony by Duckyboos (Explicit, 53k words)

Dean Winchester is in love. Like, bonafide heart eyes and deep sighs, hung-the-moon love. There's just one problem: the lucky guy is his husband's identical twin, Castiel. The two of them have been having a kinky affair for years, burrowing under each other’s skin and setting up camp. Which is why, after Castiel goes missing, Dean’s about ready to tear the world apart looking for him. When Castiel eventually returns to him, he’s been through literal hell, managing to drag himself out, bloody and raw, for Dean. Together, they discover a way to make Castiel whole again — though the price will be gruesome… and there will certainly be hell to pay.

empty places by dothraki_shieldmaiden (Mature, 71k words)

There’s something outside the house. Something is moving outside the house, moving inside the house. Maybe moving inside him. Something is outside the house, and it wants in. After tragedy derails his life, Castiel Novak needs to escape. He flees to Lawrence, Kansas, where he answers Dean Winchester’s ad for a roommate. There, he tries to mend the shattered pieces of his life. But as he starts to become closer with Dean, Castiel finds that escape isn’t so easy. The past doesn’t want to be left behind, and there’s something inside the house. Something hungry. And it won’t be appeased until it has him.

Every Part of the Animal by Askance (doomcountry), komodobits (Mature, 47k words)

It’s their first case after the Trials, after Heaven has collapsed: playing back-up to another team of hunters taking out some werewolves in the mountains. It's a routine job, an easy job - at least until the radio goes silent. Sam, Dean, and Cas follow after, but the caves into which the hunters have vanished wind deeper and darker than they could have expected, and something is wrong. Cas can feel it. The Winchesters may not believe what he’s hearing, but there's something down here with them—and it's not the people they came here to find, and it's not the werewolves they've been tracking. It's something else, something older, something violent, and it knows they're here.

Full Fathom Five Thy Father Lies by Ariasune (Teen and Up, 13k words)

"Look, Charlie thinks the Men of Letters have something that can help you actually, you know, find this monster.” “Good,” Dean licks at his thumb to get the last of the chicken salt clean. “Cause right now it seems like we’ve got a monster that’s some 20, 000 leagues under the sea…” He stops. “This isn’t some 20, 000 leagues shit is it?” “It’s a submarine, actually.” Fuck, that sounds like a yes.

Good Bones by emmbrancsxx0 (Mature, 39k words)

An apple pie, white picket fence American Nightmare. Dean and Cas, married and semi-retired from hunting, move into their first house together in a sleepy, secluded town. After a few run ins with the ghost that haunts the place, they must come face-to-face with the house's grisly past.

like a thief in the night by kingdumbass (Mature, 28k words)

Plagued by nightmares since the death of his mother as a small child, Dean Winchester is no stranger to grief. After the sudden death of his brother and the unexplainable disappearance of Sam’s fiancee Jessica leave Dean reeling, the former detective turns towards alcohol to cope with the loss, but when the news of another missing peron’s case all the way out in Pontiac, Illinois jogs Dean’s memory of an old unsolved case with possible connections to the mysterious note his brother left behind, he feels compelled to pick up where he left off. Though once he rolls into town, he encounters more questions than answers. Namely: what’s real and what’s delusion? And how is the creature from his nightmares tormenting the residents of this small, suburban town?

On the Cutting Room Floor by callsigntango (Mature, 23k words)

In an Arachne hunt gone wrong, Dean "wakes up" in an AU style world as what he'd gone undercover as for the hunt: a journalist. But when he shows up to cover what should be a routine story on a suspicious death in Kansas, the world around him starts to unravel in horrific, painful ways. The appearance of a man claiming to be an Angel sends Dean into a tailspin -- but just as something about Cas begins to spark very real memories in Dean, Cas seems to be losing his own grip on what's real and what isn't. And as they struggle to free themselves from this distorted web of reality, something sinister is lurking just beyond their reach.

The Elevator Game by bexgowen, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 88k words)

The game is simple. Get in an elevator, and follow the rules. If you follow them correctly, the elevator will rise and when the doors open, they will open onto a world that is not your own.

the gardener by captcas (Explicit, 17k words)

Dean loves the gardens at 918 Westview Lane. And if that has something to do with the gardener there that just so happens to be easy on the eyes? Sue ‘em. Too bad he hasn’t had the guts to actually talk to the guy. Cas doesn’t take too kindly to people who disrespect the objects of his affection but he does love gardening. AKA the one where Castiel gives us all a lesson in ultra-specialized begonia fertilizer

the inexhaustible silence of houses by Askance (doomcountry) (Teen and Up, 31k words)

Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh. But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

These Violent Delights by SomethingBlue42, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 43k words)

Dean Winchester, war vet and functioning alcoholic with a life that’s going nowhere, takes a job at Baltimore Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Dean had never heard of Dr. Castiel Novak notorious serial killer and cannibal given he’d been dodging bullets and performing field triage during Novak’s sensational trial. Seasoned orderly Rufus lays out the rules: Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils, no pens. Use the sliding food carrier only, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. And most importantly: don't tell him anything personal. But Dean was never much for following the rules and Castiel has a way of making Dean feel like he isn’t the grade-a loser his hot-shot FBI agent brother thinks he is. Then, a senator’s daughter goes missing, setting forth a chain of events that put Dean on a path that forces him to choose where his loyalties lie and just how far he’s willing to walk into the dark.

There's also our horror tag which you can check for more fics like these.

Additionally, there's the DeanCasHorrorFest filled with amazing destiel art and fic that might interest you.

#asks #group rec #horror

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blue-sadie · 7 months

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A Dark Slumber

they accidentally hurt you when having a nightmare

Steven Grant

The nightmares only started after the whole experience death and finding out his purpose of living he felt used and betrayed, he couldn't stomach looking at marc for a while let alone talking to you about it but what hurt him most was his mother's death.

You both layed soundly in your bed the only noise was from the fish tank that released bubbles every few moments, it was peaceful well for you, Steven's nightmare started with his leg twitch then to his hands pulling at the covers, he started muttering words no one could understand.

He woke you up when he accidentally smacked you in your face making you squeaked out which made him sit up in alarmed by your noise, he'll look around frantically intill his eyes landed on you holding your cheek and he immediately knew what he did.

The first thing he did was ask if your ok he wouldn't come close to you unless you tell him it's ok, he would feel ashamed and full of guilt and breakdown he would tell you everything that's been on his mind mostly about the nightmares and of the things he saw when he died "i-ive just been so stuck in my mind I guess my feelings were just catching up to me"

Marc Spector

He always had nightmares from his childhood but they've never been this bad, after the countless missions he's done he would think that killing would get easier that the guilt feeling would subside but it never did it was actually getting the best of him sometimes.

You were pretty used to his slight movements and bumps in the night he was a restless sleep it was very rare when he had a peaceful slumber, his hands would grasp the blankets tightly his breathing uneven as he twist and turned.

You woke up gasping as you felt your air way close your hands immediately wrapped around his he would only wake up probly when you gasped out his name, he would immediately release your neck and stare blankly at his hands.

He would quickly raise fron the bed and refuse to get back in, you'd have to coax him back in after nights of him on the couch he would take alot of convincing and time to even touch you again the images of him strangling you crossing his mind everytime he comes into contact with your skin "I don't know what came over me it felt as if I lost control of my whole body it was... scary".

Jake Lockley

He never had dreams only nightmares but that hardly ever happened anyway since he normally stares up at the ceiling as you slept beside him, he'll do anything to stay awake the thought of sleeping repulsed him but it was actually the fear if what he'll see that stopped him.

He only closed his eyes for a minute only wanting a slight rest but that was quick to turn into a long slumber but that miracle turned sour as his body started to flinch and his rapid eye moments were frantic, his body thrashed around kicking the blankets off of him and he squirmed around.

The thing that woke you was when you came into contact with the ground the coldness and shock of the fall caused you to scream making him fling himself out of bed to your rescue but it took him a minute to figure out it was his doing that got you onto the floor.

He would profusely apologize and help you back into bed while cursing at himself in spanish as he took got back into bed, he would cuddle you whispering apologizes and praises while making internal promises to himself that he'll never sleep in your presence again afraid it would be worse next time "I'm so sorry mi amor I promise I'll get better"

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orphicrose · 4 months

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The co-host (Alastor x FemReader) IV

< >

Summary: You are Alastors Co host in life, perhaps more. But are separated by a sudden death. When you are finally reunited in the under world, it is up to Alastor to figure out why you don’t remember him.

@cannibalcoyote @kahlan170 @sugxryratz

_______________𖤐

Red hand marks were imprinted on y/n's face from leaning on them all night, body folded up on the lounge chair she must have passed out on last night. Was it all just a bad dream? she wondered. Throughout the night, her fire had died and left embers, muddy footprints sat in front of the metal gate shielding her from them. Confirming that last night, in fact, was not a bad dream. Letters had made a pile in her hallway, falling in from her letter box. Satans "W" stamp in the corner of each one. Today was going to be fun.

"Fill me in on every sacrifice, mister" Y/N said to the fishy sinner below her, rushing to her office all the while struggling to finish tying her red bow around their neck.

"We have had very few that are worth while this morning. A Mister Valentino performed a seance an hour ago, wanting money" He adjusted his monocle, trying to read the tiny writing on the paper slipping from fin to fin. "He seems to be a big drug lord, i think humans refer to them as "pimps" these days".

"Interesting, and very easy. Lets start with that for today" Y/n grabs the file, slamming the door of her office into her assistants face.

"Again...?" He mumbles under his breath, nose slamming into the hard frame.

After a second of scanning the file, y/n nodded to herself. Now sitting in her spinny chair at her desk. "Okay, first one of the day. Lets get those numbers up for you Boss" She mumbled, tying her hair into a bun to organize herself for business. Purple mist surrounded her, filtering through the furniture and pouring outside the room like a floor filling her office. Mere seconds passed, before her body melted into it and became an atom in the air. Vents in her space inhaled the air, making a vile sucking sound like it had taken a hit of a cigarette. She was gone.

In another world, another country, with blue skies and a full moon. She appeared in another office, similar to hers. Only there was natural light filled to the brim, and a rather ugly satanic star under her. How tacky, she thought. "You know, valentino, you don't need all these props to summon me" Her voice came across rather menacing to the tall man sat at his desk.

"Satan?!" He half yelled, almost forgetting he basically called her into his office. His accent taking her a little by surprise.

"Of sorts, i supposed. Don't act so surprised."

"i... i didn't think it would actually work" His gold tooth shined through his smile that had creeped onto his face.

"uh huh, uh huh. You wanted money? Am i correct?" She sounded bored, they were bored. It was the same shit every time.

"Yes... oh! And a bigger name for myself!" He added

"That all?" he nodded hastily in response to her question. "I assume you know what i need in return?" Again, he nodded to the question, hand already stretched out to receive hers. As soon at they connected, he felt a rush of adrenaline surge through his body, as if the life was being sucked away from him. When his eyes flung open, he only just caught a glimpse of the purple aura she faded into. Back in hell again. Not even 10 minutes later.

"Thats a start i suppose" She mumbled, back at her desk again. The rest of her day consisted of hundreds of souls being taken from greedy humans. Some of them really freaked y/n out. They weren't all money or power hungry. Some just wanted help to hide a body. Which is a lot worse than you think.

On the other side of hell, sat the radio demon in his tower. Broadcasting another voice for sinners to hear in their nightmares later that night. His dinner distracting him from thoughts that had been eating at him. Why doesn't she remember him? Didn't she ever care? He didn't look vastly different than he did when he was alive... other than the red hair, and antlers, and red eyes, and hooves.... and deer ears. But other than that, he was the same.

"Stop it! Al!" Y/n hit him playfully as he kissed her cheek. "We are live any second!" She stifled a giggle as the ticker counted down. He smiles at her warm expressions, struggling to look away. They had a 'thing' for a while. Never really giving it a label. They wanted to, but there was so much going on they never had the time to prioritize a relationship. Oh how he regrets it now.

The broadcast aired, mainly giving updates on the weather and the uprising war in Europe. Trying their best to offer some comedic relief to the distressed citizens, and telling them "Not to worry! Things get worse before they get better folks, look at me!" Alastor bellowed down the line, chuckles following behind him. The broadcasts always ended with a small, catchy jingle to sign them off.

"You think things will get better soon?" Y/n questioned as the red light indicated they are done for the day. A moment of silent speaks for Alastor's thoughts, waiting for the right words to pop into his head. "The depression can't last forever, dear. Besides, as long as we are with the right people, nothing can go wrong" His hand ended up holding hers without a second thought, a soft expression washing over his face whilst their eyes connected in a shared feeling. "Thank you" She says.

She cared. She really did. Something must have happened to her down here. He refused to believe nothing could be done. Perhaps he just needed to make her fall in love all over again.

"Good afternoon, sacrificial demon" He appeared from the floor next to her, resulting in her body jolting back and almost having an outer body experience.

"Don't call me that" A scowl was thrown at him, clutching at her coat harder as the temperature for the day started its nightly decline. "What do you want now? Didn't already find someone for lunch?" She began walking again.

"Actually, i had quite a pleasant lunch" He responded cheerfully, she knows. She heard the broadcast. "No, I'm here to make amends"

She stops in front of him in the middle of the almost deserted street. Sinners giving them space when the sight of them makes their knees want to give out. "What is your game?" she throws an accusing finger at him. "You are either playing a long game with your future prey, or you have another goal in mind. So what is it? I'm sick of playing guess who with you. What do you want with me?" Her voice escalates to frustration.

"To get to know you, dear"

"What makes me any different from the other overlords you've made your midnight snack? Hm?" She cuts him off, her face getting closer to his in attempts to read him. The usual smile not daring to flinch from its position made it hard to. His static fell silent for a millisecond before his sharp teeth moved to speak. "You remind me of someone I used to care for" A softer voice scared her, almost genuine she felt. A uncanny sense of familiarity washed over her like a kiss wakening her from imminent slumber. "If i wanted to kill you i-"

"Already would have. I know, I know." She cuts him off again, looking at the floor in thought. "How do i know i can trust you enough to allow myself not to kill you?" Her eyes find his and his heart hits the floor.

"I suppose you don't know. But it doesn't seem like you have much to lose" She did have a lot to lose, but she couldn't care less about the empire she had been forced to take. A second was taken to think this through. It would be nice to have another friend. Or another purpose other than sinful business.

"Do you like tea?" She began walking again, not waiting long for him to jog a little to catch up with her walking speed.

"Actually, i like coffee. No milk or sugar"

"Hail lucifer, you really are a sociopath aren't you?" Their voices faded down the the streets, his chuckle echoing behind them. Maybe he did have a chance.

#alastor fluff #hazbin hotel alastor x reader #hazbin x y/n #hazbin x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #Hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #hazbin charlie #hazbin angel dust

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 14 days

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Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝

to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.

i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏

kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.

i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..

on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.

morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..

Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.

i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.

im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.

All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.

Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!

if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏

Signed, PMD9

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con-clavi-con-jae · 6 months

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The awaited Polyvessels winter solstice celebration fic no one wanted.

This ended up just being me throwing every thought I've had recently about them into a fic, but I see nothing wrong with that. It's kinda inspired by a post @ghxstly-death made.

Warnings? Kinda? Basically there's like a small bit where Ves and III get caught doing some not holy activities but it's literally just two not at all explicit lines, idk. (Also III is trans bc I can)

21st of December, 4:30 in the morning.

Vessel was already up, which isn't surprising for him. Except this time, it wasn't for any kind of nightmare or suffering. He was excited, extatic even, to start the celebration. Today was the first day of winter. Tonight would be the longest night of the year, the one night where Sleep is at Her highest power, and can reach out to them the most.

Vessel ran down to the living room with the candle he'd made for Sleep, and sat down on the couch, thinking up his first offering. It had to be something special, since it was the most important day of the year. He felt Her hands on his shoulders, whispering to him about how grateful She was to have such devoted followers. With a wide grin under his mask, Vessel looked out the window. It's still snowing, a perfect day to rest, give out offerings, and show how grateful they were to their Lady of Dreams for the year that had passed.

Vessel lit the candle and looked intently at the flame, taking deep breaths. Then, he started the prayer. It was quiet, he always preferred to pray in silence when he was alone. He then set everything up for his offerings of the day, and took a short nap on the couch.

A few hours later, II woke up and went down to the living room, waking Vessel up with a kiss and blowing the candle out, "Good morning, sweet thing. Did you sleep well?" He sat down next to his partner, petting his hair as he wakes up, "I hope She didn't keep you up too long."

Vessel sat up, holding II close to his body and feeling the warmth of his partner's body, it was all he wanted to concentrate in, but he had his duties, and II had theirs. It's not fair to keep them occupied... but II's hair was soft and smelled good, Vessel just wanted to keep his face buried in it and forget about all his troubles. Still, Sleep needed his devotion, he loved serving Her, and he would do so as needed. Vessel kissed II's lips quickly and went to the altar room, mixing up the dried herbs for their first ritual of the day.

II, meanwhile, decided to cook up a nice, elaborate breakfast for his boys, as well as the first offering of the day. The presence of Sleep could be felt, everywhere. As II started up the cooking, he lit the candle he kept in the kitchen and thanked Her for everything She did for all of them. IV and Vessel had gone to buy some groceries that week, so II had a wide array of ingredients for his cooking, another thing they were grateful of. They decided to make some French toast, orange juice and scrambled eggs, something special for this special occasion. As he tossed the ingredients on the pan, making quick work of it all, they murmured intentions and incantations only loud enough for Sleep to hear them, expressing gratefulness and asking for a safe winter.

As the rest woke up, III made his way to the altar room, and IV to the kitchen.

III walked up behind Vessel, his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders taking the man out of his work. As Vessel turned around, he was entranced by the way the candles lit all around the room made III's dark skin look as golden as the small lip ring he wore, his now short red hair tied up in a bun. III was always so enticing, Vessel could gaze at him for hours and never get tired. "You're staring again, love," the taller man giggled, resting his chin on Vessel's shoulder, "what are you doing anyway?"

"Just making some incense... they're drying, actually," Vessel responded in a calm manner, trying to focus on the offering. They were six small cones and four bigger ones, and contained orange peel, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and sandalwood, among other things. "When they're dry after breakfast, we can light one."

The sparkle in Vessel's eyes when he worked on his offerings always filled III's heart with love, just needing to get it out by kissing all over his boyfriend's mask and holding him tight.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, IV tiredly made his way in and dropped his head onto II's shoulder, groaning at the amount of light and all the noise outside.

"Good morning, Ivy. Slept well?" II asked softly, getting another groan he assumed was a yes from IV, "good. Wanna help me set the table?" IV shook his head no at II's question, burying his face into his partner's neck. "Alright then. Call the boys, will you?"

IV sighed, kissing his way down II's neck, humming tiredly as II set the table, still unable to speak and not wanting to let go of his love.

"Ivy, go look for Vessel and III, and maybe I'll make you some coffee, okay?" II asked, sweet but stern, and IV finally let go of him to go look for the others.

IV made his way up to the altar room, slamming the door open and finding a rather enticing view. III sat on Vessel's desk, his thigh over the other man's shoulder as he kneeled on the floor. "Ahem, guys, II wants you to go down, but not in that way..." IV teased, blushing and looking away with a playful smile.

When they noticed their boyfriend standing at the doorway, Vessel and III pulled away and got themselves fixed up, walking out the door looking at the floor in attempt to avoid IV's eyes.

In the kitchen, II had set up a table full of all the things he knew his boys loved, a red candle in the middle lighting up the room.

"You really didn't have to, II... you're so sweet, come here~" III grabbed the shorter vessel by the hand and kissed him in between soft laughs, meanwhile Vessel sat down and started the prayer.

"Our sweet Lady of Dreams, bless us in this cold day, as the dark nights start and Your power reaches farther than ever, we thank You for Your protection, and hope You can get us through the darkness." Vessel recited, his voice full of hope and devotion as he held on to the others' hands.

"And the night comes down like heaven," the rest responded, before excitedly digging into their food while they chatted about their plans for the day.

"So, what's everyone thankful for this year?" II started, taking a long sip of the juice in his glass, "I, for one, am grateful for getting nominated four times for drummer of the year."

"Self-centered much?" III teased, kicking him lightly under the table and getting into a little war with II, stepping and kicking at each other's feet, "well I am grateful for how the band's been growing. All of us."

Vessel and IV shared a look, rolling their eyes at their partners' childish antics. "I'm just happy that we get to spend the solstice together at home, at the very least. With all the tours, it's a miracle we even get alone time anymore." IV sighed contently as he ate his sweet food, the strong taste of cinnamon weirdly reminiscent of all the years they've done this together. "What about you, Ves?"

Vessel froze. What is he thankful for? What did he do this year that the others hadn't mentioned? The band was his only big accomplishment, and he didn't know what exactly could count as his anyway. He spoke up quieter than the rest, "I'm just glad to have you guys... I'm not... entirely sure if I've done anything worth it besides writing and all..." his hand grabbed the fork tightly, stabbing at the eggs on his plate absentmindedly. Then, he felt III and IV grab his hands, and II shot him a worrying look.

"Love, you've done so much more than that... you're just such a beautiful human, I wish you could see that." II's voice was stern yet dripping with love, their eyes looking into Vessel's as the others held him. Vessel heard Sleep's encouraging whispers all around him, and it all combined made him smile as he thought back on his year again.

"I'm grateful that I have you and our fans to support me through my healing. It's been a hard year, and I couldn't have done it without you." Vessel finally got slightly louder, his voice more secure and his posture straighter. They were all happy for this, seeing Vessel get better, all of them getting better, it was all they could ever ask for.

Rituals went by, the morning was peaceful, and in the evening, they all sat in the living room together. Incense brunt as IV sat next to the coffee table, stabbing cloves into slices of dried orange to make them look like little suns and tying thread around it. He wore a hoodie that was probably stolen from Vessel, as it was tight around the chest but reached around his mid-thigh, and was bundled up in a cozy blanket he shared with II. The shorter Vessel, in turn, sat on the couch right behind him and wrote down all his intentions for the next year. Their hair was tied and they had his tongue out, a soft sight that made all the boys instantly warm inside.

Meanwhile, III and Vessel sat on the couch together. Vessel strummed on his guitar and III hummed some of their older songs, memories of the beginning of the band flooding his mind and making him nostalgic. He'd been having thoughts about his life, what he wanted to do with it, and the future of his relationship with his partners, and it just all came out of him without a warning. "Do you guys think we should get a child?" He suddenly spoke up, not knowing where that comment had come from.

"And how exactly would we procure this child?" Vessel softly asked, not fully against the idea but not sure if he'd do a good job at caring for a kid, "we practically don't exist, so we can't adopt, and you're the only one with the right 'equipment' for it..." IV laughed loudly at the comment as he stood up to hang the decorations he'd made.

"Well I, for one, think that's a beautiful idea if you'd be all up for it." II mused as he passed III the notepad with his intentions, "you could write that for next year, if we all agree?" They looked at IV, who nodded excitedly, and then back at Vessel.

After a bit of thinking, Vessel agreed. "If that's the will of our Lady, then I don't see how it's a bad idea." He assured calmly as he watched III write it down with his messy handwriting.

The notepad got passed around, stories from their past dreams were shared, and it all was shaping up to be a beautiful celebration.

"Wait but what does it mean to dream that some guy I never met dies to save me?" IV groaned as he laid on the floor, his dark hair splayed out, "like, do I just... feel helpless perhaps?"

Vessel wrote all that down on IV's dream journal, thinking about all the possible meanings that could have, "that's a good one. Or maybe you sacrifice parts of yourself for others?" He wondered while his hand stayed buried in III's curly hair, all three of them relaxing when II came in with cups of hot chocolate. "Thanks, honey... sit here, please?"

II rolled his eyes, laying on Vessel's lap as the four of them kept chatting and finishing up their dream journals for tonight's most special ritual.

II finished first, as usual, so he went outside to the garden to start up the fire to cook the food. They'd made sure to get the highest quality ingredients for tonight, since his cooking was an offering, and this night, Sleep deserved the best of the best. The fire rose and II cooked up a nice stew for himself and his lovers, to keep them warm during the cold winter night.

When Vessel finished, he got out to sit by II, wrapped up in a blanket, his head on his partner's shoulder as he hummed softly, letting the fire and II's soft touch warm him up.

"You look tired, love. You sure you wanna stay up tonight?" II whispered lovingly as he pet Vessel's hair. The taller man nodded, quiet and probably asleep by now. II laughed at this and covered his love in the blanket as he kept checking the stew. It'd be done in one more hour.

Meanwhile inside, III and IV laid together on the couch, a quiet conversation going on between them before IV broke the comfortable silence. "I have a question, my flower... why did you ask that now? About the kid, I mean." III's eyes widened at this, but he looked away, uncomfortably avoiding the topic, so IV decided to explain himself first, "I promise I'm not mad, it's just... it's a weird time to ask that, y'know?"

III sighed, burying his face into IV's chest and kissing him softly, "I suppose this last tour just gave me a lot to think about, my life, our future together..." III blushed as he explained this, not really knowing how to.

IV cut him off with a kiss, caressing his hair lovingly, "well, I believe we'd make gorgeous kids, and you'd be a great parent. So we're good." III grinned widely, getting on top of IV and kissing all over his face. They were both just insanely happy to be back together, alone, after all this time.

Their sudden kiss assault was interrupted by II calling out to them, the food was ready. They both ran outside, holding their dream journals and putting on warm matching sweaters, which Vessel and II also had on. The boys were already sitting by the fire under a blanket, so III and IV joined them and grabbed their plates as Vessel started another prayer.

"Lady of Dreams, protector of the night, we offer You our thoughts and all that we are, and You save us from the dangers of this mortal realm. All we dream, it is for You, and all You give us is sacred." With that, Vessel collected all their journals, as well as the page with all their intentions for the year to come, and tossed it all into the fire.

"The night comes down like heaven," they all said together and sat back on the floor, wrapped in the warm blanket and feeling each other's bodies pressed against their own. It was a special night, and the thing they were all the most grateful for, is being together at last.

#sleep token #vessel sleep token #ii sleep token #iii sleep token #iv sleep token #polyvessels #sleep token fanfic #idk i finished this at 1 am #i hate/love it

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the-little-cookie-corner · 7 months

Text

After a Nightmare

snake speech will be translated for the purpose of this fic, heres what the snakes look like what we will follow:

i hope you all enjoy!

It was a quiet night in the Snake Champers, as some snakes were doing night watch duty. It was normal for them to have snakes be forming groups of what group does what task, and such a group was formed for night watch duty as well.

2 Of such snakes were passing by the doors of non other then our lovely master of snakes, Snake Fruit Cookie, but it wasnt their usual bedroom the snakes would slither by. It was their nursery, where they will go and stay when they were regressed, it helps them feel small and safe with its warm colors.

Despite this our little regressor still isnt immune from having nightmares like thier big self and this night was one of them. As the snakes passed one of them would hear muffled sobbing as they paused the other one by raising their hand to the way the other was going to.

"do you hear that?" the one stoping the other asked as they looked at the door

"…oh dear, our master is having nightmares again" said the other one

the 2 would go near the door as they heared more muffled crys coming from it, soon one of them opened the door slowly, to avoid any creacking coming in. as they slitherd in they would be in the nursery, that was filled with warm colors, snake motives and a heat lamp build for warmth. the 2 would look at the big crib where the crying came, wich made them more alarmed.

As they approached the crib, they looked down to see a crying little, burying their face in a pillow as they held their big long rattle snake plus, Ratty. the snakes would look at eachother before not looking into the poor baby as one of them rubbed their back. "There there master... the nightmare is no more" The little Hatchling would look up at the 2 snakes before turning to them with tears in their eyes as arms put high to reach the 2. "Sssnakey... *hic*!" "Dont be Scared little one, the nigthmare is over" the first one said as they scooped up the little hatchie, they would immediately hug them before not whining again. the snake would stroke their head as they help them by their arm, cradling them while the other one picked up a feeding bottle from the crib. "ill go fill up the bottle with some warm milk, you can confort them while im absent" "of course, but be quick, we mite wake up some of our comrades" the second snake nodded before not going back to the door leaving the first snake and the little hatchling alone. As they looked at their crying Hatchie they would brush off thier face from tears as they rocking them. "shhhh shhhh... no more tears, your safe now..." The snake would pick of their big rattle snake plush as they started to shake it, grabbing the hatchlings attention. The little would look as they had their plush shaken, producing rattle sounds which Snake Fruit loved, the baby would now find itself calming down as they reached for the plush that the big snake gave them.

Snake Fruit would then just shake their plushy as they started to form a smile on thier face, in which the snake was reliefed in seeing. now cradling the baby with both of thier arms they bob them a bit as they saw the hatchie shake thier plushie rapidly "there! theres that smile our master is known for!" They said in a cheery tone making the baby giggle as they held their big plushy near them, then they would get thier tummy tickled by their big caregiver as they laughed, before the other snake didint come in the nursery again. "got the milk, this time ive put some honey in it" "very well, ive managed to calm down our little bundle here, had Ratty help me with it" "awwww, how adorable" The hatchie giggled as they mentioned their plush like it was one of them, before the the first snake having gotten the bottle from the other, presenting it to their master. Quickly they started to suckle the bottle of milk, enjoying every second of them being held by their care givers arms. Soon they drank up all the milk from the bottle, as the snakes got the bottle away, the one holding the snake baby put them on thier shoulder ,tapped ther back a bit. quick burps would come out from thier hatchling. Now putting them back in their arms the baby was much more sleepy, having a smile on thier face as they held their plush frined closely "look at you... so adorable, are you ready to take a nap again?" The baby nodded as their eyes felt heavier, snuggling in the snakes grasp. the 2 would now put the baby in the crib, still having the heat lamp on and ready for the night, to make sure Snake Fruit was warm. Ones tucked in bed with many of their plushies, the snakes looked down at the crib one more time "would you like something before we go your Highness?"

Asked the other snake as the little rubbed their eyes and looked at them both "....mussic box...!" "alright, we will set it up next to you, alright?" The baby nodded as they got out a small music box from the drawers placing it on a nightstand, next to their crib. When they opened it, it played a night soothing melody for snake to drift of to sleep. But before the 2 could go they had to greed their hatchling goodnight.

"sweet dreams your highness, we cherish you with all out hearts" "goodnight master Snake Fruit" "night night...!" The hatchling said as they giggled before not snuggling in with thier plushies, prompting the 2 to now leave the nursery as they looked in one last time to check. When the doors closed, all was heard was the msic box as the little hatchie drifted to a much peaceful dream.

And here is my first even fic i wrote, i really wanted to depict what happened when Snake Fruit has a nightmare, im happy i finally did, i hope you enjoy my first fic!

#cookie run agere #cookie run #agere #sfw agere #fandom agere #sfw regression #age regression #snake fruit cookie #agere fanfic #agere fandom #fanfic

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theflowerofthecommonwealth · 1 year

Text

Power Armor Punch Part Sixty Four

Masterlist

Teshteal: Night, ma'am... *already snuggling Joyce real close with a tiny giggle*

Ma: (Ruffles Teshteal’s hair and puts more kisses on his hairline, following up with Joyce. She makes sure the blanket is extra snuggly around them before flashing them both one final smile) “You both get some good rest.” (Walks out of the room as she turns off the light and closes the door behind her)

Joyce: (Quietly giggles right back as she cuddles up with her boyfriend)

Gardio: *catches her fist gently in his hand, not because it hurts him but more because he doesn't want her wasting her energy fighting him* Hey, save some of that energy for the morning. I can't say much for the nightmares but I promise you you'll be safe in the real world.

Jasmine: (Puts up a small toddler tantrum before she defeatedly slumps against Gardio, every so often tensing up and fighting with small bursts of energy)

Ma: (Hasn’t finished her food but she pops her head back into the guest room to see how things are going on)

Gardio: *isn't even phased and stops her every time. Very much like Nick in the regard that toddler tantrums are very ineffective against him. The more she fights, the less he's going to loosen his protective grip. Instead he hums a sweet lullaby to her, occasionally rubbing her stomach to soothe her*

Teshteal: *looking up at his beautiful angel. She's not easy to see in the dark... but then again his horns illuminate her face* I hope these don't bother your sleeping. *apologetic smile*

Joyce: (Rubs his shoulder assuredly) “I’m sure they won’t. Maybe Mama can make you little muffs to put over them for the night just in case in the morning.”

Teshteal: Maybe. But it's too late now. *holding her tight, burying his face in her neck this time*

Jasmine: (Starts to melt at the motion of her stomach being rubbed, almost cursing Ma for showing everyone that trick that makes her so sleepy and gets her to relax) “No…” (Rests her head on Gardio’s chest, still occasionally hitting at him)

Gardio: *smiles at her starting to pass out at the motion, still not at all phased by her attempts to strike him*

Ma: (Smiles at the two, heading back downstairs to finish her last few bites of food)

Jasmine: (Stops fighting him just so she can claw in the air for the door) “Daddy…” (Sobbing waterfalls, coughing on her cries because her throat is sore and dry)

Gardio: *sternly, but softly so he doesn't startle the girl* He needs rest. He can't be with you every second of the day. *thinking "this is going to be a long night..."*

Joyce: (Crinkles her nose cutely) “Yeah, but I bet she will once she gets a chance.” (Kisses the top of his head, clutching the gremlin)

Teshteal: *nibbles on her neck again gently, occasionally moving down to the exposed part of her shoulder*

Joyce: (Hums softly at this, closing her eyes as she rests her chin on Teshteals head)

Jasmine: (Just keeps crying oceans when she hears that while reaching for the door, wanting to be with her dad so badly that there’s a dull ache in her chest that only adds to the discomfort, stress, and pain. Her mind snaps back to what was said in her nightmares, still believing it to be true)

Ma: (Eating her dinner with one hand as she prepares more bottles, one with water and another with baby formula. She frowns, remembering that the teen had thrown up earlier which is why they had to give her fluids through an IV)

Gardio: *hums another lullaby and keeps attempting to rock the ever crying girl to sleep. He's not sure what else to do and he's not about to get Nick. She needs to realize that her dad needs personal space*

Teshteal: *stops to look up at Joyce then goes to kiss her heavily again*

Joyce: (Eyes flutter open from her partial sleep and she makes a surprised noise, quickly recovering to receive the kiss he’s giving her)

Jasmine: (Having another tiny tantrum that she can’t have it her way and be with her dad)

Ma: (Gathers up the salve and bandages from the med room in case they need to swap out Jas’s bandage, taking her Pipboy as well. She heads upstairs to finish brushing her teeth and gathering a few more things)

Gardio: Sorry... you don't always get your way, sweetie. That's how life is... *rubs her stomach again to calm her down*

Teshteal: *quickly pulls back at the squeak* I'm sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you like that. I should have asked-

Joyce: “It’s okay, you just caught me off guard, love.” (Softly peppers kisses on his cheek and jaw, running her fingers through his hair)

Jasmine: (Briefly stops crying out loud and blinks up at him with wide doe eyes that are filled with hurt. She knows that better than anybody, life has never been fair to her since day one. She hardly ever gets it her way… All she wants is Daddy to hold her so she can feel safe and secure from the monsters and demons that come for her. She wants to blubber to him about the mean things the Guard Leader told her. She wants to be soothed from the phantom pain she’s getting from the memories… She wants to be assured that she hasn’t been abandoned again for the third time in her short life)

Gardio: *kindly reassuring her* Your dad can't be with you right now, but I'm here. I don't remember much sign but if you want to talk about your nightmare, I'll try to listen. *smiling warmly down at her*

Teshteal: *eyes widen when she calls him "love". He blushes and smiles the dopiest smile. Despite this, he decides it would be best to get some sleep instead of going any further. There's always the next day. He goes back to cuddling her* Good night, love... if we can even get to sleep.

Joyce: (Nuzzles in her boyfriends hair) “I’m already in a sweet, blissful dream here with you…”

Jasmine: (Puts her thumb to her chin to make the sign for “Suffering” before she sticks it in her mouth. She does another grabby motion for the door with her free hand as she kicks her feet, still yearning for her father)

Ma: (Returns to the guest room now dressed in a long white nightgown, watching as Jas does this) “What’s going on?” (Walks over and sits down on the bed, arranging the stuff she brought on the nightstand and under it)

Gardio: *sadly but matter of factly* She woke up and she's asking for her father. She's not happy I'm refusing to get him.

Ma: “Ah, I see...” (Sets up Jas’s Pipboy so its playing the lullaby, glancing at the bottles then at the teen)

Jasmine: (Yes, she is very unhappy and frightened that she can’t be with Nick and she's been doing her best to express that, but she’s also so damn tired. She stops clawing for the door and hitting Gardio with a broken sob, getting lulled further back into sleep)

Ma: (Stands from the bed and kneels down by the rocking chair, tenderly stroking Jazzy's hair to help soothe her) “When you're ready you can hand her back so you may get some rest. I'll hold her for the night.”

Gardio: *rises slowly and carefully to keep from startling the teen then hands her back to Ma*

Teshteal: *soft loving coo at that. He feels so safe right now*

Joyce: (Caresses his cheeks, giving him another kiss before closing her eyes again)

Teshteal: *soft laugh at the sudden kiss. He nestles his head into the crook of her neck and collar and soon falls asleep*

Joyce: (Keeps petting Teshteals hair, gradually slowing down as she falls asleep herself)

Ma: (Settles herself back on the bed before she takes Jas in her arms)

Jasmine: (Whimpers in confusion at the sudden transition, her little hands gripping Gardio’s shirt as she’s handed off)

Ma: (Softly as she takes the girls hands and cradles her) “Ssh, Rosie. It’s okay, it’s just me. It's Tía Evelyn.” (Starts rocking Jazzy, waiting until her calms back down before she lays them both on the mattress)

Jasmine: (Scrambles to cuddle against Ma's chest, nuzzling back under the neckline of her nightdress so she can hear her heartbeat and feel the comfort of her skin. She ended up undoing two buttons to achieve this then puts her arms around the motherly woman's neck)

Teshteal: *sleeps so soundly next to her. Looks like a sweet little baby*

Gardio: *smiles sadly at the teen before heading to bed. It doesn't take long for him to pass out*

Ma: (Pats and rubs the girls lower back to lull her to sleep)

Jasmine: (Falls asleep a few minutes later, keeping her focus on the sound of Ma’s heartbeat, the warmth from her body, and the sound of her breathing)

Ma: (Sighs to herself as she closes her eyes, praying that Jasmine can get through the night okay)

[Time Jump]

Jasmine: (Sadly didn’t get much of a good nights rest at all, she was constantly waking up with silent sobs and whimpers as the nightmares got more and more horrific)

Ma: (Had subconsciously patted Jas during the night whenever her cried. She awakens early in the morning when she feels the teen tense and cry out) “Oh dear…”

Jasmine: (Currently hyperventilating in her daze, her whole body trembling while she huddles as close as humanly possible she can to Ma)

Ma: (Finds that her chest is completely dampened with the girls tears, making her face riddle with worry) “Shh, baby. It’s okay, it’s only a bad dream….” (Rubbing her back and sides)

Lucille: *stirs awake*

Nick: *was tinkering with his exposed hand while still sitting next to the bed* Morning kiddo. Need anything?

Lucille: I don't know... I'll let you know.

Nick: Well alright. I'm off to get ready for the day. Yell if you need me.

Gardio: *warming up left overs from the other day. He has a serving for himself and his daughter*

Donovan: (Still knocked out on his bed. He’s a very sleepy ghoul, he won’t wake up until a little later)

Joyce: (Still sleeping like a sweet angel, both of her arms still incasing Teshteal in a warm embrace. Some of her gold locks are covering her face, the light sunbeams from outside lighting her up)

Teshteal: *eyes lazily drift open*

Joyce: (Mumbles something about baby goats being adorable, cuddling up to her boyfriend further)

Ma: (Starts stroking her hair) “Honey, I need you to try and calm down for me, alright? Take a deep breath.” (Takes some herself to hopefully get Jas to synchronize with her)

Jasmine: (Only weakly mewls, whines and coughs, still clinging onto Ma tightly. Can’t tell what’s real or not, her current dream being the worst of the worst, her being powerless as a bunch of grown men overtake her small frame and use her to however they wish)

Nick: *walks down the stairs and greets Gardio before he goes to change clothes*

Gardio: Morning. *heads upstairs to share breakfast with his kid*

Lucille: *blinks over at her dad and smiles* Morning, dad.

Gardio: Morning, sweetheart. *sets the food down on the bedside table* How are you feeling?

Lucille: A little better.

Teshteal: *smiles up at her and nuzzles her neck*

Joyce: (Hums and smiles in her sleep, dreaming about sitting in a field of baby farm animals that all adore her and keep jumping over to tackle her in a fit of joyful play)

Ma: (Rubs and pats the girls back with more pressure, wondering if she should do another chest massage or wake Jas up)

Jasmine: (Sniffles and shivers, softly pleading in her sleep to be left alone)

Ma: (Frowns. Judging by the was Jazzy’s voice sounds horse and her breathing is congested and the fact that she has a fever, she probably caught a bug)

Teshteal: *hopes her dreams are as sweet as she is as he lays with her*

Joyce: (Her dreams are the sweetest and most angelic ones that one could get)

Teshteal: *cutely laying next to his girlfriend all curled up around her with his tail slightly wrapped around the two*

Lucille: *sits up and grabs the plate, ready to dive into her food*

Gardio: *sits on the side of the bed and eats with her*

Nick: *slipped into something casual. Decides to check in on the defenses that Lucille put up*

Dogmeat: (Lifts his head up from his spot on the edge of his bed at the smell of sausage, wagging his tail and giving Lucille big puppy eyes while he licks his nose)

Pirate: (Fast asleep on Donovan’s bed, taking up about 75% of the space and is smack dab in the middle so Donny is pressed up against the wall with no pillow)

Donovan: (Doesn’t really care, he’s molded around Pirates body so she’s like a warm fuzzy body pillow for him)

Ma: (Turns Jasmine over again, rubbing her sternum and collarbone with three fingers just as she did earlier)

Jasmine: (Peeps open her eyes with a cry and outstretched arms when she feels Ma isn’t close anymore, her chest still rising and falling rapidly)

Ma: (Pets the poor girls hair with one hand) “Hush, Rosa-Marie. I’m trying to help you breathe and calm down. You’re still safe here, it’s only me and you in the bedroom on a nice fluffy bed.”

Nick: *likes what they've done with the place. Makes some tweaks to help fortify the area a little. Just some wall reinforcements and such. Nothing too major*

Lucille: *catches that look and smiles* I'll save you some for later, boy.

Dogmeat: (Soft woof as he rolls to lay on his back with his tongue out)

Cat: “Mreeeeowww??” (Casually struts up the stairs into the attic like she’s a runway model, going straight up to Lucille and sitting on her back legs while making a begging motion with her front paws)

(Note: I love writing animals lol. Idk if you can tell but I usually have lots of fun with them)

Lucille: You'll get some, too, when I'm done. *continues eating her fill*

Jasmine: (Sniffles, leaning away to cough and sneeze into her elbow to her best ability because she still has manners about that even when completely shredded on the inside and still partly trapped in a living nightmare)

Ma: (Reaches onto the nightstand for some tissues, putting them up to the girls face) “Blow, sweetheart.”

Jasmine: (Blows her nose, a sob whimpering out halfway through as she starts clawing at herself)

Ma: (Knocks Jazzy's hands away then tosses the tissue into the small waste bin, taking some more to wipe Jas's face down. She returns to massaging her to hopefully coax and soothe her into breathing better)

Joyce: (Hums again after a few moments, her eyes slowly fluttering open to stare at her gremlin boyfriend. She smiles warmly with a sleepy yawn) “Morning...”

Teshteal: Morning, my angel. *kisses her jaw*

Joyce: “Mhmmm….” (Yawns and stretches out, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She blinks at Teshteal as the sun shines on her face, her emerald eyes sparking adoringly)

Jasmine: (Breathes deeply along with the massage, calming down after some shudders and tenses although she’s still weeping with fear. She reaches for Ma with both hands outstretched, swatting the ghoul woman’s hands away so she can scoot closer to her)

Ma: (Takes the teen back into her embrace, rubbing deep circles on her back with one hand while the other pat her lower back)

Jasmine: (Snuggles back against her chest, arms tightly wraped around her neck. She would be crying for her dad to come for her if she could, but Jas doesn’t even know where she herself is anymore. All she knows is that the woman laying besides her is labeled safe in her head and Ma is a hell of a lot nicer than the shadows that have been taunting and abusing her)

Teshteal: *looks up at those adoring eyes and blushes. He feels that hunger for her start to rise and fights like hell to suppress it. He doesn't want to do anything that could ruin this but it feels like even his programming is trying to convince him into it. He nuzzles her shoulder to hide his shameful expression. Instead he jokes* Mm... five more minutes... *almost a forced laugh at his stupid joke. His damn programming... that frightens him. If it's for him gratifying himself with her then it's using his own feelings against him to take her out of the picture*

Joyce: (Giggles a little at his joke, her voice as sweet as honey. She starts petting his head) “There’s no rush to go anywhere, love. We can stay here for as long as we want until we decide to head down and head down.”

Nick: *walking around. Decides to tend to repairs where he can. Gives him some more time to think.*

Jasmine: (Gets sucked back into her nightmare soon enough, her body tightly pressing up against Ma’s as she tries to battle what’s not real and what is)

Ma: (Reaches for the rag and water on the nightstand, gently patting the girl's neck and shoulders)

Jasmine: (Whines and sniffles, more terror boiling in her chest as the shadows take all the control and power)

Teshteal: *her voice makes it harder to resist that urge. Quietly* I'm a little worried if we stay here we may do something we'll both regret...

Joyce: (Blinks, thinking it over) “Oh yeah….” (Sleepily yawns, tossing her hair back) “If we fall back asleep, then Donny won’t have the heart to wake me up for my chores which means he’ll do them for me. And I feel bad enough for leaving him hanging for the past few days before yesterday.” (Closes her eyes again, snuggling up to her boyfriend while remaining oblivious to what he actually means) “But it’s just so warm and cozy here with you…”

Lucille: *leaves just enough bits of sausage to give to the two beggars*

Gardio: *also left some sausage for them* Here. Let's break this up for the two of them. *helps her by making a small portion for the cat. He sets both plates down in front each respective pet* There you two go. Enjoy.

Dogmeat: (Jumps down from the bed with a soften bark, chowing down on his sausage)

Cat: (Still sitting on her back legs, putting her paws up to her face and swinging around cutely when the sausage is served to her as an adorable happy dance. She then face plants into her plate, gobbling down her food with little munching noises of happiness)

Lucille: Aaw... cuties. *momentarily in a state of piece watching these two familiar animals gobble down their food*

Teshteal: Er... no. That's not what I meant... Besides you deserve to have a day off every once in a while. *blushes heavily* What I meant was something more... intimate. Third base intimate. That's what I'm worried about. *does not like saying it outloud despite being an adult. Just seems wrong to him*

Joyce: (Looks so confused as she pulls back) “What do you… ohhhhh…” (Face lights up when it clicks what Teshteal is talking about) “Ah, I wasn’t thinking that far ahead yet, hadn’t even crossed my mind.” (Gestures to the door with a small smile) “Do you wanna get up now then? We can go eat breakfast together.”

Ma: (Humming as she carefully parts Jasmines hair to keep it from getting too tangled as she’s been tossing around all night)

Jasmine: (Makes a gagging nose like she’s being choked, her hand around Ma going to her throat where she tries to scratch)

Ma: (Hushes her, taking her hand away as she reassures her again) “Shh, little one. It’s only a dream.” (Thinking about waking up Jas for the day as it seems as if her nightmares are only getting worse)

Jasmine: (Makes a soft noise like she’s pleading brokenheartedly, sounding desperate enough that it could make even a super mutant have sympathy)

Nick: *taking care of the animals since Donovan and Joyce seem indisposed at this point*

Teshteal: We can, but I don't want to leave the comfort of the bed. *stupid and lazy grin, looking up at his loving girlfriend* Only if you want to. I'm fine with whatever you want to do, angel.

Joyce: (Hugs the gremlin detective tighter, pulling up the blankets so they are nice and comfortably tucked in them) “Then let’s stay here and hold each other for some more. It’s not like breakfast is gonna walk away, although it might disappear if Pirate figures out how to open the fridge.”

Ma: (Tears up at Jasmines heart wrenching crying and begging. Her mind once more goes through the horrible possibilities the poor sweet girl might have faced)

Jasmine: (Trying to fight her assaulters as she has always done, or just run like hell. But she can’t even start to do either, they have their arms gripped around her waist so tightly that it’s making it hard to breathe. She can’t even scream bloody murder, not that anyone was ever around to help her so it was useless)

Ma: (Carefully pats Jasmines uninjured shoulder to wake her up) “Rosie, honey…”

Jasmine: (Feels a blinding hot pain erupt through her body from her legs and chest, followed by a cramp in her stomach. She starts kicking wildly, screaming at the top of her lungs, although since she’s so weak and her throat hurts it not as loud)

Ma: (Sits up so she can hold Jas down, continuing to hush the teen to get her to settle down)

Teshteal: *snuggles her some more and yawns with a cute little squeak*

Joyce: (Giggles like a schoolgirl, a huge and loving smile on her face) “Awwww, you’re adorable! Did you know that?” (Brushes some wild hair from off his face)

Jasmine: (Fights against Ma, squirming and swatting until she frees herself)

Ma: (Scrambles to get ahold of the teen) “Rosalinda! Sweetheart, you’re having a bad dream!” (Trying not to hurt Jas or make her panic even more)

Jasmine: (Falls off the bed with a yelp of pain as she lands on her sore spot on her waist, crawling to get away. Her face is completely damp with sweat and tears as she mewls in desperation)

Gardio: *goes downstairs to get some tools and materials to upgrade his daughter's arm*

Lucille: *ready to get her arm back already. Eating with one hand isn't fun*

Teshteal: *sheepish smile* Oh? Must be part of my devilish charm. *swishes his tail mischievously that remark*

Joyce: (Pat the back of his head) “Must be for sure, otherwise I’d say it’s witchcraft because I can’t take my eyes off of you…” (Starts massaging his back as she did yesterday through his shirt)

Gilbert: (Awake and trying to poke his head through the bars of his cage)

Ma: (Stands from the bed, making sure Jas isn’t hurting herself before she rearranges it so the sheets aren’t bunched under together)

Jasmine: (Attempting to crawl under the bed as it’s the only safe spot she can see, still convinced she’s in her nightmare)

Ma: (Bends down besides the girl, rubbing her back assuredly) “Rosalinda- it’s me, Tía Evelyn….”

Jasmine: (Shrieks at the contact and her name, immediately going to cover her face with her arms)

Ma: (Watches with a slight frown as Jas withers on the floor) “Baby, I’m not hurting you but you are hurting yourself. I’m going to pick you up now, alright?” (Carefully starts lifting Jas from the floor)

Jasmine: (Shuffles and yelps as Ma scoops her up in her arms, her hands trying to go for a knife in her boy shorts but she doesn’t have any there)

Ma: (Rocks her from side to side a bit, then sits on the edge of the bed) “Ssh…”

Gardio: *heads back upstairs with a bunch of stuff and a tool kit*

Lucille: *excited to see what they come up with*

Teshteal: *flirting with her* You sure you're not the benevolent witch in this scenario?

Joyce: (Grinning down at him) “Maybe I whipped up a love potion that was too strong, although I’m certain that they work better when the person is already in love with guy they are using it on…”

Puppies: (Also awake and are now whimpering softly and have their front paws on the wall of their playpen, staring up at the bed with their big eyes)

Jasmine: (Makes grabby hands at the door, barely being able to make out the shapes of the room through her tears and stuffy head) “Daddy…”

Ma: (Rubs her sides) “He’ll be back soon, sweetheart. I promise that hasn’t changed.”

Jasmine: (Kicks her feet like a toddler as she cries dramatically) “Nooooo!”

Ma: (Lays down on the bed with Jas on top of her so she can’t escape easily, gently brushing back her long curls so they aren’t everywhere while keeping an arm around her) “It’s okay Rosie. You were having a bad dream, you’re still safe.”

Jasmine: (Fights some more, then gives up with a defeated cry and sobs oceans as she cuddles up in the same spot she was earlier)

Nick: *wraps up with the animals* There. Now they won't have to worry... *finally goes to check on Jasmine... not looking forward to it honestly because he doubts she's in much better spirits than before but that's just the way things are right now. He walks into the guest room and holds back a tired sigh at the restless teen turned infant*

Gardio: *making armored casing that's meant to go around her arm. There's going to be a retractible steal blade in it, now*

Teshteal: *eyes sparkle at that last part* And now I'm madly in love with you... *he looks at the pen* Oh- I think they want your attention. *thinks they're all so precious despite what he knows the puppies will grow up to be*

Joyce: (Pouts and rises from the bed) “Way to ruin the moment you two.” (Sees Gilbert chewing on the bars of his cage) “I mean three…” (Walks over to the pen and lifts one of the puppies out, wiping her bottom down with a wet wipe before she sets her on the bed)

Light Brown Puppy: (Makes a beeline for Teshteal, her little sausage body wiggling all over the place as she goes to lick him)

Joyce: (As she wipes the male puppy down) “These two usually would be in Ma’s room, but since she’s rearranging it they are in here for now.” (Kisses the puppy’s itty-bitty face) “But they’re so cute that I’m not complaining!”

Jasmine: (Doesn’t notice her dad in the doorway of the guest room room, her face is completely buried in Ma’s chest as she weeps bitterly, her head blaring the annoying screeching sound that only makes her feel worse)

Ma: (Raises her head and gives a small smile at Nick, not saying anything just in case he’s only checking in to see how Jas is doing)

Jasmine: (Nuzzles closer to Ma and grips onto her dress, again trying to ground herself into reality with her heartbeat and the warmth from her skin)

Nick: *nods with a sad smile and comes closer* Hey, doll. You feeling any better?

Teshteal: *falls over playfully. He jokingly cries* Aaah! I'm being assailed! *gives the little brown sausage a dozen pets on her head and back*

Girl Puppy: (Attacks him with plenty of puppy kisses with her tiny tongue and little yips of happiness at the attention he’s giving her)

Joyce: (Breaks out into a huge grin and sets down the male puppy who immediately follows his playmates example) “Ahhh! They love you already!”

Gardio: *fashioning some proper casing for the fingers- not that it bothered Nick. Then again, maybe not taking into account proper maintenance and protection is an example that shouldn't be followed if the Acadia visit is anything to go by*

Jasmine: (Slowly raises her head at the sound of her dads voice. She stares up at Nick with big and teary eyes that have deep terror and pain written in them. She blinks twice, unsure of what to do as the last thing she remembers is that he snapped at her before disappearing into thin air. But she’s been crying for him all this time and now he’s finally here…)

Ma: (Pats Jasmines lower back to reassure her, wiping some tears off her cheeks with another tissue)

Jasmine: (Reaches out her arms for her dad to pick her up for a brief moment, then suddenly hides her face again in Ma’s chest with a frustrated scream at herself as her hands go to harshly tug on her hair)

Nick: *kindly but sadly at this reaction* Hey, Rosie. It's alright... *kneels down to her level so she doesn't feel threatened*

Ma: (Gently takes Jasmines hands away from her head so she doesn’t pull out her own hair)

Jasmine: (Would be kicking her feet but she can’t without possibly hurting Ma. She raises her head again at her Dad’s reassuring voice, searching his face for a long moment before she timidly holds out her arms to him with pleading childlike eyes that lock directly with his)

Teshteal: *giggling at all the puppy kisses* Yeah- Aside from big dogs, I really like animals! Always have since I was a kid growing up near the bad side of town.

Joyce: (Rushes over to take her spot besides Teshteal so she can join in the cuteness overload) “No wonder you were so fond of our chicks.” (Sits down on the bed, laughing as one of the puppies comes over to kiss her hands then climbs into her lap to lick her face)

Gilbert: (Still nibbling on the bars of his cage, looking slightly offended that Joyce’s attention is being held up with the puppies and her boyfriend)

@lucilleandherrobots

#fallout #fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout original character #fallout oc #fallout roleplay #fallout rp

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the-casbah-way · 11 months

Note

im fucking wheezing about that last post lmao. he WOULD. anyway please share the failed marriage lore <3 i love them -rivstyx

i could write an entire prequel on octavius and amelia's cringefail marriage alone but here is just a little lore off the top of my head

they went to rome for their honeymoon and wanted to kill each other after an hour because octavius just wanted to mansplain every monument and statue but amelia wanted to have a Proper Adventure and every time amelia tried to speak to a native to improve her italian octavius would correct her pronunciation before she could even finish her sentence and it got to the point where she was literally begging him to stop talking because he was annoying her so much <3

there was never a proposal. they were just eating dinner one night and it was like "everyone is expecting us to get married" "yeah" "we should probably do that then" "ok"

octavius never told amelia he was getting a cat he just showed up with one after work one day. and amelia started to get genuinely irritated very quickly because suddenly her emotionally constipated husband who has never shown affection in his life was cradling this cat like a newborn and calling it every pet name under the sun and talking to it in a stupid baby voice

all of amelia's friends hated octavius but her parents LOVED him which is half the reason she felt pressured to marry him in the first place. he was the rich successful man they always wanted instead of her and she always resented him for it even though she never said it

they tried couples therapy once but octavius kept zoning out because the therapist was really hot and amelia scrapped the whole thing because every session made her want to strangle him even more

they both hate their parents and it was one of the few things that kept them bonded during their marriage. whenever their parents would visit they'd both do terrible impressions of them while they weren't looking to try and make each other laugh

you know about the dreaded sexting incident but that's just the tip of the sexual nightmare iceberg. there's the time amelia accidentally said the name of one of her male colleagues during sex. the time octavius started getting bored and awkward and nervous during a blowjob and asked if he could read a book during it to distract himself. the time ahkmenrah walked in on them. the time ahkmenrah and octavius had sex literally an hour after the divorce papers went through. i could go on

octavius’ cat vomited on amelia’s favourite shoes once and it caused an entire year long ordeal because amelia was Very angry and octavius was very indignant and annoying about it because ‘well i’m sorry but she had to do it somewhere’ and every time they would go shopping amelia would see a nice pair of shoes and passive aggressively be like “i’m pretty sure i had a pair like that once. i wonder what happened to them— oh yes i remember now :)” and then the whole argument would start all over again

once amelia got jealous of one of octavius’ female colleagues because he was spending a lot of time with her and octavius genuinely could not understand why amelia was concerned about this because he completely forgot he was supposed to be pretending to be straight and into women

one of octavius’ deepest and darkest guilty pleasures is musicals which are amelia’s least favourite thing on this earth and sometimes she would catch him subconsciously singing something from a musical under his breath and she would be like can you please shut up and octavius would get very defensive about it because “its not my fault its stuck in my head someone was singing it at work i don’t even like musicals—” and amelia would be like “oh shut up ive heard you in the shower you liar” and it was like a whole thing

they both have the exact same dry overly british sense of humour so even when they ended up hating each other they were still painfully good at making the other laugh without even trying and they would both get bitter and frustrated about it

#down then left #this ask is SO old im sorry i had this in my drafts and forgot to post it #anyway i really really want to write a whole fic about how octavius and amelia met and what went down between them #i love amelia so much i hope she gets to kill her horrible parents <3

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allie-campbell-bradshaw · 1 year

Text

Chapter 4: First Set

A/N: Welcome to the fourth chapter of Top Gun: Baby, a love story following Bradley Bradshaw and Allie Campbell. This story is sequential, so if you have not already read the first few chapters, please go back and do so! All links to chapters and their mood boards can be found on my masterlist. This is by far one of my favorite chapters that is narrated by Bradley. This is quite a long one, so buckle up! I mention this in my notes for every chapter, but just in case you missed it– I do not give permission for my work to be re-posted without credibility. If you do want to post this story to your page, please be sure that you tag my account or at least mention its original source in your post. Again, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Intense swearing (This is a story set in the Navy after all), brief mentions of sex (nothing explicit)

Chapter Four: First Set

BRADLEY’S POV

“GET UP! UP! UP, UP, UP!” Emmett and I shot up from our bunks, the sound of people screaming in the hallway and our lights flashing caused our hearts to nearly burst from our chest as we were shot awake from our slumber.

Once I was able to comprehend that we were being awoken by our detailers, my heart rate began to settle. With the diminishing panic came the annoyance. I was in such a deep sleep, which is a treat for me. When I am in it deep, I don’t dream. There’s nothing for my imagination to focus on other than the black screen that plays in my mind for hours. It’s rare, and only on days where I’m exhausted that I get the pleasure of not being transported to my nightmares.

When I’m not in this deep state, I find myself dreaming one of three dreams. The first, and most common, was replaying the death of my mother. Except, it’s not how she died. It is more of a combination of how both of my parents died. I am the pilot of an F-14 when my mother ejects, willingly, from the jet. I watch helplessly as she plummets to the ground, begging me to save her. While it seems morbid that she chooses to eject from the plane, it makes sense. She elected to enter hospice care when the doctors told her that her cancer was entering Stage IV, knowing that even the best treatment wouldn’t eradicate the disease. She wanted to be in control of every decision she could make, until it was too late. To this day, I believe that she ejected herself from this world by dying when she did, the way she did. She refused to die in the middle of the night when I wasn’t there, and held on until my hand was wrapped tightly around hers. And my dad, well, we all know how that happened. I have no memories of it, and my mother never spoke about it. He could never find the right words to describe the accident, so I had to resort to asking Hollywood about it when I was in middle school.

***

“He was flying with your dad at Top Gun,” Hollywood explained to the young Bradley, who was sitting on the carpet next to him. Hollywood put down his beer, knowing that this was going to be a long and serious conversation with The Kid.

“Did he burn?” Bradley asked innocently, thinking that the only flight accidents that happened were ones when they crashed and burned, or ones where a fire started inside the cockpit.

“No,” Hollywood said, holding back a chuckle at the innocence of young Bradley. “He was trying to get out. He was trying to save Maverick.” Bradley looked over at his adopted father figure, who was talking with other members of his Top Gun class, not knowing what the two were talking about.

Bradley felt a smidge of jealousy at the fact that Maverick was able to get out of the plane, and his dad was not. Yet, at the same time Bradley was proud of his dad. He put someone else’s life above his own and was able to save him. He was a hero.

“Then he crashed?” Bradley asked, more curious now than ever about learning more.

“He got out,” Hollywood said, with a touch of sadness in his voice, “but then his head hit the top of the airplane. Even though he was wearing his helmet, he still got hurt pretty bad.”

“Then he died?”

“No, little man. Not right away,” Hollywood looked over at Maverick, sharing a glance together. The sadness and recollection stretched across Hollywood’s face gave everything away to Maverick. Pete looked over at Bradley and then back at Rick, nodding his head in approval. It was time he knew. “He was unconscious, but was alive for a few more hours. You and your mom made it to his room right when he let go. It was like he waited for you or something. You and Carole were with him. Your mom was at his side and you were snuggled up on his chest.”

Bradley sniffled as he held back tears, not wanting to hear anymore.

It wasn’t until he was in high school when his mom sat him down and told him the FULL story. The parts where Maverick lost control of the plane after Iceman flew by them recklessly.

Bradley wanted to be mad, but couldn’t. For years, he was under the impression that his father saved his second father. His best friend. Someone he told everything to. And Iceman was the only one he knew on the team that encouraged him to pursue flying if he wanted, and promised he would let him one day when he was older. No, he couldn’t be mad. But his impression of it all did change.

***

The second dream I have is a replay of the conversation that he had with me right before my graduation. This dream was less frequent, but always managed to make an appearance at least twice a week.

My third, and the least frequent, was the last day I spent with Danielle.

***

“Please,” she muttered to Bradley, tears falling down her face as she sat next to him on the couch, their bodies facing each other.

“Shhh,” He comforted her, cupping his face with her hand and running his thumb up and down her cheek. “You know we can't.” he whispered.

Danielle burst into tears as he pulled her into his chest, snaking his hand through her brown hair as he supported the back of her head. His other hand supported the small of her back, holding back the tears that were threatening to escape his own eyes.

He loved her, and in turn, he had to let her go. He pulled her away and looked into her deep brown eyes, his glazed with the salt water that was moments away from falling, but he held back. He held back for her. He was determined to be strong. He wanted to show her how much he loved her. He wanted to give her something to hold onto when she found out he died in battle from the local newspaper. So, he pulled her in close and covered her lips with his, letting their love blossom one more time before it dried out and fell to the hard ground.

***

I didn’t mind having this dream, especially when it got to the final parts. I can still feel every kiss, every thrust, every touch. It was like my own personal consequence to a choice that I sometimes wish I didn’t make.

But when I was in a deep sleep, everything went peacefully blank. Whatever dream that was currently playing was interrupted, or never occurred in the first place. This was exactly how my first night at the Academy was like. Everything was black from the minute I closed my eyes. It maybe only took 5 minutes to fall asleep, and before I knew it, it was morning.

The sun hadn’t come up yet when the pounding in the hallway began. Our breathing was so heavy we could hear each other from across the room, both of us slightly relaxing as we began to comprehend what was going on. It was time for drills, something that is expected to happen every morning during our first summer.

Within seconds, Denzel was throwing the door open to our unit, yelling at us to get up, get changed, and get in the hallway in 60 seconds.

Emmett and I bolted out of our beds, leaving our covers laid out on the floor as we quickly ripped off the clothes we slept in and changed into our Physical Education uniforms, which were a set of navy gym shorts and a navy ringed tee. I didn’t even notice that I had yet to change my boxers until it was too late… Fuck it, I’ll itch!

We were in the middle of tugging our white crew-length socks on when Denzel started to count down from ten. All of a sudden, my mind went blank as I shoved my toes into the sneakers, feeling a sharp pinch on my big right toe as my foot flew into the shoe. The immediate cold sensation let me know that I was bleeding, but I could still stand on it with only slight discomfort.

Denzel was in the middle of saying the number “One” during his countdown when Emmett and I stood at attention in the hallway, joining all of the other midshipmen who were sporting the same uniform. I could see my fellow classmates panting through my peripheral, everyone's chests heaving as the sleep drained from our eyes.

Three Officers walked down the hallway, examining our stance and writing things that they noticed down on a clipboard. One of the officers, assumably in his 40’s, with a full head of thick brown hair, nodded over at the group of 5 detailers that were standing at the end of the hall. They yelled at us to start running and to make our way over to the track.

I followed the group as we ran out of the building and outside. The cool air hit us with a slight discomfort. Summers on the coast were not too bad, since there were large bodies of water surrounding us, but with that came a little bit of a nippier air when the sun was down.

Emmett and I were in the middle of the whole group of runners, both of us looking around at the other men and women who were equally as shook as us. I knew this was coming, but the wakeup call itself was more intense than I had imagined. My ears were still ringing from the yells that escaped the detailer’s mouths and my eyes weren’t yet adjusted to the bright LED lights that were lit up as we got changed.

As we made our way over to the track, I glanced up at the cemented clock tower, whose hands were light by off-white lights, 5:33. Only four minutes ago, I was in the deep sleep that I so desperately crave every time I close my eyes. Four minutes seemed like ages ago.

Now I was here, running up the hill as the ones in front pooled their way into the track, taking the liberty of starting our run. We ran for 8 laps around the track, equivalent to two miles, before we were stopped by the detailers.

They split us up into our ICAO companies to perform our initial strength test. All of us Novembers went over to the far east side of the field that was in the middle of the track, Denzel joining us. It was then that I realized he was the detailer for all ten of us. I looked over at all the other guys, Emmett was resting his hands on his hips again, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. There were two guys that did not seem phased by our run, not even breathing hard as Denzel looked over his clipboard. Then there were all of us in the middle, who had broken out into a light sweat and occasionally spit into the ground as we recentered ourselves.

I hated how much I sweat. It was yet another trait that I inherited from my dad. Performing the simplest task would cause my skin to become moist under my hairline. Within seconds of any routine, I could feel the warm liquid pool down my body in droplets. My mom bought deodorant in bulk when I was in middle school and I went through one bottle of cologne every 3 months until I was 16.

I let out a spit when Denzel explained the contents of the initial strengths test. It would be used to determine which PEP group we would be in from tomorrow forward. He told us that we would perform every task as long as we could, until we physically could not go anymore.

It was a long morning, but it showed me exactly how much strength I had in me, equalizing me in the presence of young, fresh, 18 and 19 year olds. That’s all I truly crave, to be just like one of them. Once we were done, and my clothes soiled, I looked over at the paper Denzel used to record my data:

Push Ups: 82

Pull Ups: 51

Chin Ups: 45

Plank: 5m 45s

Squats: 76

Wall Sit: 3m 18s

Sit Ups: 114

Emmett brought his paper over to me and we compared scores. I outnumbered him heavily in push ups and sit ups, and he led in chin ups and the time for the wall sit. Everything else was pretty much the same, with a 1-5 difference.

He slapped my shoulder as he made his way to the locker room. We were instructed to shower and change into our Type III working uniforms, the common camo-esk styled ones, before breakfast. We had to report to the Bancroft Hall by 8:00am, otherwise you could forget about breakfast, which the Academy referred to as “morning chow”.

When I made my way into the locker room, I noticed there was a pack of cotton briefs sitting on every shelf of the lockers. Thank God!

After I was showered and changed into my uniform, I joined my classmates who were standing around Bancroft Hall. There were a few civilian tourists watching as we were inspected by the detailers and officers. They took our attendance right at 8:00am, locking the doors of the Hall for anyone that was late. Luckily, Emmett had made it, and I saw Natasha a few rows in front of me.

Every morning we were to be inspected by our superiors. As long as you kept your shit together, like keeping your hair short and tight, and wore your uniform correctly, then you were good. If not, you would have your ass handed to you for days until you did enough tasks to prove that you were worth a shit and would be let off the hook.

Within minutes, we were released and taken into the cafeteria. I salivated at the smell that came from the large brown and tan colored room. This was the biggest meal that the Academy served during the summers. Your choices were endless and the threat of running out of food never crossed anyones mind.

There was a wide range of fruits, cereals, meats, and pastries lined up across King Hall, the official name of the cafeteria on base. I had never felt more hungry in my life, my stomach screaming at me as I grabbed a tray when I made it to the front of the line, grabbing a whole bowl of fruit, oatmeal, and a serving of biscuits and gravy. Orange juice and coffee were placed at the center of every elongated table, which looked just like the brown tables you see in high school, with the same blue plastic pull out chairs.

“Yo, Bradster!” I heard someone yell, watching as a cinnamon roll came flying at me so as to grab my attention if I didn’t hear. Luckily, it landed on my tray, steering completely clear of the dirty floor below.

I looked over at the direction of the voice and saw Emmett, who was sitting with a group of guys, waving me over.

I quickly joined them and grabbed an open spot between two other guys, who introduced themselves as Tate and Oliver, engaging in brief conversation as I began to shove food down my throat. Before long, Oliver had ditched us to go sit with the girls from the Alpha Company. Great, he was one of those guys.

As he was walking away, Emmett, who was stuffing his face with meat and pastries, gave him a wolf whistle. Everyone watched as he slyly made his way over, taking the last seat at the table full of women.

Emmett laughed and looked back at his tray before an all too familiar female voice rang out; “May I”?

I looked up at Natasha, who was standing in front of Oliver’s abandoned chair.

I gave her a slight smirk while Emmett replied; “Yeah sorry toots. It’s men only.”

“Great,” Natasha shot back, taking a seat in the chair and adjusting herself as she said; “I was hoping you would leave anyways”.

She shot him an intense poker face as he froze in shock, not expecting that comment, which caused some of the other men at the table to laugh.

The laughter died down and a slight awkwardness was building up at the table, which I decided to rescue her from; “Natasha, this is my roommate, Emmett Frasier. Emmett, this is Natasha Trace”.

“Pleasure.” she said sarcastically, as she held her poker face on Emmett.

“At least it is for one of us.” Emmett said as he took a long drink of orange juice from his tall glass cup.

“Whatever,” she said to him slyly, breaking her gaze from his face and looking down at her tray. “How did you do at PEP?” she asked, looking over at me to confirm that I was the one the question was directed at. I gave her my paper and she glanced over at it, looking impressed at some of the facts that were on it. “Not bad,” she complimented. Well, complimented as best as she could. She was a hard ass, and I was totally here for it!

“We won’t be in the same group though.” She stated, with a hint of an upset tone in her voice.

“How do you know?” I asked her, curious at her statement.

“I nearly doubled you in everything. They’ll put me with others that scored close to me”.

“Bullshit!” Emmett rang out, not believing a word she said.

She quickly pulled her paper out of her right chest pocket before throwing it in his face, which caused him to clasp his eyes shut as the paper quickly made its way over to him. Within seconds, he had his eyes glued to her sheet, his expression dropping to a small scent of embarrassment as he realized she was telling the truth.

“I assume, yours wasn’t as good.” she stated to him, raising an eyebrow at him as well as giving him the all too familiar poker face that has dominated the conversation.

He didn’t say anything as he looked away, placing the paper back on her tray. She folded it back up and put it in her pocket, proud of her domination over him, which I’m sure he was not expecting.

The rest of the morning conversation revolved around discussing our summer classes: The first part of Naval Leadership class, Honor, Naval Warfare and Tactics, Rank Structure and the Unified Chain of Command. Basically, all of these courses were designed to humble us and solidify the hard passion that we have, or will have, for the Navy. Leadership was the longest, which was going to consist of a whole semester once courses started during the school year. Honor was the class that was designed to humble you, introducing you to the histories and reasons for “why we are the way we are” within the Navy. Warfare and Tactics, my favorite course, was pretty self explanatory. In late June we would get into the basics of aviation tactics, which I was most excited for! Rank Structure and the Unified Chain of Command was pretty much a study hall. Professors expected us to have the structure and chain memorized by the end of the summer, with us being able to not only list everything in the correct order, but also be able to explain why the structure existed. We also had to memorize notable men and women that are currently serving or have served in the Navy. Iceman was on the list, only inches away from becoming admiral of the U.S. Pacific Fleet. Honestly, these courses would completely outrank all of the other courses I took at UVA, creating a challenge and a willingness to study that I have so desperately craved for.

The first set of classes, Naval Leadership and Honor, passed by quickly, and before I knew it, I was in King Hall again, noting the absence of the buffet styled breakfast that we had this morning.

Lunch was served in a family-style set up, every table having an assortment of sandwiches covered in plastic wrap. There was enough for every person at the table to have two. Our table was almost filled when I got there, with only tuna and veggie sandwiches remaining. I made a mental note to get there faster tomorrow as I grabbed one of each of the sandwiches and put them on my tray. I was in the middle of pouring the water into my glass when Natasha came over and assumed her same seat next to me.

“Jesus,” Emmett muttered under his breath as she sat down.

“I’m sorry?!” She snapped, looking up at him, making it clear that she heard him.

“Listen,” He began, “I think we got off on the wrong foot-”

“Oh, you don’t say!” she commented sarcastically.

“Would you shut up and listen to me!” Emmett snapped, clearing his throat and giving a look of regret at the words coming out of his mouth. “Sorry,” he apologized sincerely, “Force of habit, I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard, turning a little red. I would not be surprised if they slept together before the end of the summer. “I just wanted to introduce myself to you properly, I’m Emmett Fraiser.” He held his hand out for her to shake and she looked down at his, reluctant at first, but eventually giving in and shaking his. “Great!” He said in an excited tone, “Now we’re friends!”

“No we’re not.” Natasha muttered out in a sly tone, making sure to annunciate her entire sentence clearly so we could hear every syllable.

Emmett looked down, embarrassed by her recent comment and went back to his stale sandwich, eventually going into the conversation that Oliver was having with another guy that sat next to them. “You’re gonna have sex with him,” I stated quietly over my shoulder to Natasha as I took a huge gulp of my water.

“Not the parts I’m looking for, Bradshaw.” I spit my water back into my cup as I comprehended what she said. She looked at me, with a pain in her eyes as she saw my reaction.

I couldn’t help but cough as the water cleared from my lungs, my face turning red as I held up my pointer finger at her, signaling her to “wait a minute” as I regained my composure.

She still had a hurt look painted on her face until I was able to defend my reaction; “I’m sorry…” cough, “I don’t mean it like that…” cough, “Like it’s cool and you’re still great…” cough, “I support you…” I took a heavy breath, my body catching up with the oxygen that I had been missing the last few seconds, “I just wasn’t expecting that” I said as I swallowed, nearly recovered from my fit.

She smirked at me, her face now turning to a happy one as she developed a twinkle in her eye. “Well,” she said, “I’m into both I guess. But recently it’s been more women. I just don’t think your attraction needs to revolve around one specific gender”.

“Valid.” I said to her as I returned to my meal. My tone was clear enough to communicate to her that I understood what she was arguing, but also making it clear that I personally was only attracted to one gender.

“Natasha!” I heard someone say loudly behind us. I looked up and noticed a man, with a crew cut hairstyle and a deep skin tone, smiling down at her. He looked surprised to see her there, obviously not knowing she was around until now.

“If it isn’t Javy fucking Machado,” she said, impressed to see him sporting the same camo-like uniform as us. “How the hell are you!”

“Living the dream honey!” He exclaimed to her.

Everyone around the table looked at her in confusion and patience, waiting for her to introduce this Javy fucking Machado guy to us.

“Oh shit!” she said, looking over at us and noticing our expressions. “Guys, this is Javy. Him and I met at Summer Seminar last year. He’s a hot case.” She explained, being able to note his cockiness and charm in two simple words.

“And she’s just hot.” He said to all of us, making her blush and she looked down at her tray. There was obviously something there.

“Here sit down,” she said, pulling out the chair that was empty next to her.

“Oh, thanks” he muttered, as he modestly took a seat.

Natasha introduced him to the rest of the guys at the table, remembering all their names, ending with my roommate, “And that ass clown is Emmett Fraiser”.

Emmett gave a pleasing look at Natasha’s remarks, which he interpreted as a compliment. I’m sure it was, but with Natasha, you could never know.

“Nice to meet you” He said to all of them.

“So you met at Summer Seminar?” Emmett asked, not seeming to know what that was.

“Yeah,” Javy started, “It’s a summer camp that the Academy hosts for incoming high school seniors that are interested in the academy. It’s just like this, only a week long, and way more PEP than classes”. Well, that explains Natasha’s fucking phenominal performance this morning!

They exchanged answers for how they did in the morning, both nearly matching each other. It became clear to us that this Summer Seminar was designed to put them at the head of the pack if they came to Plebe Summer the year after. Great, yet another thing that I’m behind in!

I went back to studying my Reef Points book as their conversation continued on the subject of the seminar. It wasn’t until the discussion changed to how we ended up here when I rejoined the group. Javy went first, explaining that he applied against his mothers wishes, who is very apprehensive about the military. I also found out that he wanted to go into naval aviation, which meant that we would be seeing a lot more of each other as the years go on.

“So, I guess we’re meant to be huh?” Javy said over to Natasha, who shrugged him off and looked away.

“Only if you give me a wicked call sign.” She said, expressing her desire to have something unique assigned to her when we got to that point, in like five fucking years!

“Wait, what?” I asked her, not expecting her to know so much about naval aviation, and realizing that’s what she aspired to do.

“I’m majoring in Aerospace Engineering with Javy. We want to be fighter pilots one day.”

“Yeah me too!” I exclaimed to her.

“About majoring in engineering or being a fighter pilot?” She asked me, still comprehending that we had a lot more in common than I thought.

“Both!” I said excitedly, knowing that I was developing a friendship I would come to appreciate in the upcoming months when we start working with aircrafts.

“Get out!” She said, equally as excited at this fact. “Anyone else naval aviators?” She looked around anxiously, but everyone shook their heads.

“Submarine Officer” Emmett answered.

“Fits.” was all Natasha had to say. Not necessarily in a mean tone, but one that made it clear that the career goal matched the personality. It truly did though!

“What about you? What’s your story?” A guy asked, looking over at Natasha. She looked down, slightly upset with being asked, keeping her composure as she looked for the right words.

I knew enough to know that it wasn’t a pretty story. All I knew was she didn’t have a family, and a part of me was hoping she was an orphan too. It would be nice to know just one person who shared the same pain as me. “My father abandoned me and my mom when I was a baby,” Natasha started, everyone froze their expressions, not expecting her to be so forward. “And my mom dealt with the pain by drinking and shooting up. She’s somehow managed to stay alive, but doesn’t really care that I’m there. I applied to get away.”

Everyone was taken aback, not knowing how to proceed. The same guy looked over at me, slowly and awkwardly changing the attention as he asked me: “Okay, what about you”?

Now I was stuck. My story wasn’t any happier than hers, and I was still determined to get through my whole career without any of my fellow naval men and women, sorry Natasha, knowing about the past. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to segway out of this, before sitting up tall and adjusting in my seat.

Everyone had their eyes on me. Fuck! I knew I couldn’t get out of this. I opened my mouth, ready to talk, just to bullshit and see what came out, when I was interrupted by Denzel yelling in my face.

I didn’t notice it until now, but detailers were yelling in a lot of people’s faces right now, with the cadet standing at attention and yelling back answers to their prompts.

I quickly stood up at attention, peering forward as my eyes stood sharp ahead of me, my ears focused on his words.

“Recite the ICAO!” He screamed at me.

What the fuck? Before I knew it, the words of the alphabet were coming out of my mouth, starting with alpha and ending with Zulu. I saw Denzel’s eyes change in my periphery, looking slightly impressed with my answer.

He turned his back to the other detailers, which is when I took the opportunity to glance over at Natasha, who looked at me impressed, her lips pursed and her eyebrow raised as she took in my performance.

It was then that I realized what my trainer was doing. During meal times, midshipmen were going to be tested with recollection regarding facts of the Navy, so as to prepare us to become laser focused in stressful and unexpected situations.

“The commanding order in the Second Fleet!” He yelled, a little less loud this time, but still intense enough.

I read off every rank, starting with ensign and ending with admiral, giving at least 1 example of a man or woman who currently holds each rank.

I saw Denzel take a step back, beyond impressed. I mentally thanked Hollywood for giving me that book earlier.

“When was the Naval Academy established?” Denzel spoke at a tone matching that of a normal conversation, but close to my ear.

I felt his breath hit me as I stared forward answering his question quickly making sure to keep my loud tone while at attention; “October 10th, 1845, Sir!”

“Established by?” Denzel asked in a creepy tone, getting way too close to my ear, snaking his head as he walked across my body, wanting me to break.

“George Bancroft and James Knox Polk, Sir!”

“First professors?” He asked, now in my face. I felt my eyes twitch, wanting to meet his, fighting every nerve in my being to keep my gaze forward. Yeah, this training is going to be intense, and will push every limit I have!

I was less confident with this one, answering a little quieter, “William Chauvenet, Arsene Girault, and Navy Chaplain George Jones SIR!” I didn't realize how quiet I was until the end of my answer, when Denzel took a step back.

“And Henry Lockwood,” He responded quietly. Fuck. I forgot one.

I closed my eyes and let out a huff through my throat. I was almost perfect. Almost there. And I made one fucking mistake.

I stood at attention as Denzel walked to my right side, watching my every move, waiting for me to crack. I was turning red, and mentally beating myself up, but refused to let it get to me. “Report to the track for 50 push ups after dinner. Right at sunset.”

“Yes sir!” I yelled, regaining my composure, but still lacking all confidence I have ever known.

“At ease” he said to me as he turned and left.

I let my head down, trying to wipe away the embarrassment. When I turned to my friends, they were all frozen, their mouths hanging open and their facial expressions in a daze.

“What the shit was that!?” Emmett asked, impressed.

I kept my gaze down and went back to my tray, not talking or looking at anyone for the rest of the day, shutting myself off. Something I’m good at.

I was quiet for the rest of the day, keeping my eyes glued in my books. Natasha sat next to me in afternoon classes, always shooting me a concerned gaze. During the last class, she rested her hand on top of mine, curious about my sudden lack of socialism.

I looked over at her and shook my head before pulling away and walking to the cafeteria, where I sat alone at the edge of the last table in the corner. I know it sounds dumb to be beating yourself up over something so stupid, but I had a lot to prove. I know there’s going to be a big target on my back, being at the age I am and coming from the family I have…Had… I knew Denzel knew, and I knew the Officers at base knew. You could tell by the way they looked at me when taking attendance or hearing my last name said by one of my friends.

They all kept quiet though, trying to hide their initial expression. Luckily, no one had noticed yet. I’m sure everyone was on their own toes, attempting to calm their nerves from their first day as well.

Natasha, Javy, and Emmett came over to me, holding onto their trays that were filled with meats and carbs. Steak, grilled veggies, and mashed potatoes were on the menu today. They didn’t sit down, just stood there and looked at me with curious expressions, filled with a little bit of pity.

“You okay?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah.” I lied through my teeth. She nodded her head, with an expression on her face that let her know that she could see right through me.

“Okay. Well, we’re here for you.” She encouraged me.

“Thanks.” I said, keeping my eyes down.

They stood there for a second, before walking away. I played with the food on my tray, not in the mood to eat a thing, despite the fact that my stomach was running on empty.

I reported to the track right before sunset, noting that I was the only one there. Great! Everyone else got their questions right.

Denzel’s back was to me, watching the sunset with his bare eyes, squinting up at the sky as I bent down, getting in perfect formation, and started going down, counting in my head.

Fifteen, I thought as I made my way up, Denzel finally breaking the silence; “You’re an impression”. He said as I went down again, sixteen, not saying anything.

“I mean it.” He said again, looking down at me as I stared at his shadow which was hovering above me. “No one I have ever quizzed has gotten those questions right on the first day.”

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

“Keep it up,” He encouraged, “I’ve got my eye on you”.

He turned back and walked away, meaning I could be done. But I had to finish. This was my set. This was my punishment, and I had to do it. I had to finish. I had to prove that I was good at something. I had a lot to prove.

I finished my set and then sat down on the damp ground, pulling my legs up and resting my elbows on my knee caps, focusing on my breathing that was slightly shallow. I wouldn’t be sweating so much if I wasn’t in my working uniform, but damn that bitch gets hot quickly!

I looked up and stared at the campus in the near distance, seeing Natasha, Javy, and Emmett watching me from the sidewalk of King Hall. Once they saw that I was looking at them, Natasha nudged them, and they walked away, making their way to the commons, right in front of the Naval Chapel.

I stayed sitting, thinking about how tough this is going to be. How I’m going to have more nights like this, sitting in the field, doing push-ups, proving my worth.

I looked up in direction of the chapel as I heard my classmates begin to sing “Blue And Gold”

Now colleges from sea to sea

May sing of colors true,

But who has better right than we

To hoist a symbol hue:

I immediately started thinking about my dad. How my dad ran on this very track, sang that very song, had the same summer as me, only four years younger than I am now. He was here. He looked at the same buildings. He did the same agility tests. He had the same intense quizzes during meal times. He made mistakes… He made mistakes… He did this too.

For sailors brave in battle fair

Since fighting days of old,

Have proved the sailors right to wear

The Navy Blue and Gold

He wore the same uniforms. He would sweat the same heavy amount of sweat. He missed questions. He failed things… He made mistakes too…

Thinking about my dad brought me peace, and relief from the fire that I had earlier in the day. If he could do it, and come out of everything a graduate all the same, then I can too.

I looked up at the clouds that were blowing through the deep sunset kissed sky, night time only minutes away.

“Help me through this dad”. I whispered up at the sky, knowing at that moment that I would be okay. I would make another mistake. I wouldn’t be perfect. And when I crashed and burned, he would be there. He was always there.

#naval aviator #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradsaw x reader #rooster fanfic #top gun fanfiction #top gun #rooster imagine #maverick imagine #jake seresin #love strories #pete mitchell #natasha trace #natasha x reader #writers on tumblr

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maximumsunshine · 2 years

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Can't sleep. Going to mild trauma dump flashback to 18 months ago.

My first few days after surgery they had these things on my lower leg (not for the first time) that I'm under the impression was to prevent like bedsores though with my current level if bedsore knowledge I'm not sure that's true. And it literally does not matter. I swear to the high heavens if anyone chimes in with a well actually I'll hunt you down and make you relive the nightmare I'm about to describe.

But I was stuck in a hospital bed essentially confined to my back and like I'm recovering from a MAJOR surgery and these things are on my leg and every so often they start making noise and squishing my legs in a different way than they had been. And like my meds are all messed up because the hospital doesn't have half of them and they were giving me this major anxiety med via IV, maybe it was my ativan, but something to help me sleep i think. I dunno. It's hazy. This was right after the surgery. Within the first 2-3 days. But whatever med via IV fucked me right up. Not even the morphine on demand button got me half as fucked up.

And one night I'm having massive sleep paralysis with this major IV med coursing through me and my legs being squeezed with a buzzing noise and i spent I'm not actually sure how long convinced i was awake and being electrocuted and unable to call for help. I just lay there for what felt like hours willing my arm to move so i could get the nurse call button. And i couldn't move. I was stuck laying there being electrocuted over and over and over.

When i finally woke up and was able to communicate with a nurse, and 80% of my nursing staff was excellent, the leg thingies were removed immediately, that particular med was stopped, and i slept with my finger touching the nurse call button the rest of my 10 day stay there.

I assume, 18 months later, that my fear of hospitals stems from like cancer and the sepsis, and shit. And it does. But there is a very real night where i spent untold hours being electrocuted in my hospital bed, in my history. And it's fair to say it did some damage yeah.

When i went in to have my gallbladder removed like 6 months later (gods, it really was only 6 months) they tried to put the leg squishy thingies on, because it's a normal surgery thing, and I politely as i could but fully panicked informed them that, that would not be happening, I'd take my chances.

I think they are a blood circulation thing maybe? I don't care. Some day I'll look it up. I just remember when they took them off 18 months ago i had to promise to shift positions in bed frequently. Which is probably why i thought they were a bedsore thing. I've been hospitalized so many times and have spent probably a month of my life wearing those things. But on God, never again.

It's been a really traumatic 22.5 months. Just nonstop trauma one after another. I can't seem to catch a break. But that night is up there. Rolling into the ER a weekish prior with a hemoglobin of 4? Yeah that sucked. But like. The cancer didn't hurt. I guess yeah the recovery was painful. But I had morphine on demand for that bit. Then oxy. The night of repeat electrocution just. It hits different.

I dunno. Trauma is weird. Its like the brain sometimes has trouble grasping the large stuff. But the small stuff? I dunno.

#i swear i will hunt down anyone in the notes giving me medical facts about those fucking things #I won't just block and move on #i will hunt you for sport

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amusementofaprincess · 2 years

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My weekend DID NOT GO TO PLAN.

The plan you ask? Friday, Saturday and Sunday- go to RI Comic Con.

Monday (today) - help my mom move

What did I do instead?

Friday - vomit everything I have ever eaten and then some more. Then from Midnight - 4 just kind of not stop.

Saturday 430am - go to the ER. Takes forever to be seen. Thank goodness for those blue/purple plastic tubes. They act like I’m dry heaving for dramatic effect. Pretty sure since I said the middle of my stomach hurt they thought I wanted drugs

I think around 730 they do a CT scan.

3.5 hours, many dry heaves and an embarrassing need for dry pants later - I see thr doctor and my nurse again. Literally haven’t seen the doctor since he looked at me 630am. Haven’t seen the nurse since he put in an iv, gave me zofran and left. (A different help with the embarrassing incident).

I have large abscess in my stomach and a perforation. They can’t do the surgery there (small hospital. Can handle like appendectomies ect. Not this) so I’m getting transferred to a large hospital in RI vis ambulance.

By 1pm I’m in RI getting prepped for Surgery. I had to get a CATHETER. And it was Terrible.

Now the timeline going forward is from my mom:

Surgery started around 2ish. Ended around 630.

I had a 3cm perforation that the surgeon said looked like it formed, accessed and oh yeah, nearly f***ing killed me in 24-48 hours.

Literally. If I had be slower going up I could have died.

My mom went home, I went to post op recovery for a while where I was in terrible pain and spiked a fever. (One is normal, pain was not cool)

Luckily my current hospital actually cares.

I was on a patient controlled pump - so it was great when I was awake. But if I fell asleep I stopped pushing it. They changed that fast to a constant low does with option to boost as needed.

Saturday night: I’m moved to a Step Down Unit. Which is like not quite in the ICU not quite general ward.

Sunday: a blur, still had the catheter. My mom visited. Pain was under control so I sat in a chair for almost 2 hours per the request of the nice PT lady.

Getting up was awful. Getting back in bed awful. Chair was fine.

Sunday night: had a dilaudid induced nightmare so bad my nurse was coming to check on me because my heart rate shot up out of nowhere. She reassured me I was awake, safe, and where I was and then held my hand and patted my head until I could calm down.

Monday morning: woke up at to a gaggle of med students around my bed. They took off my surgical binder to see my 48 stables and then squished my boobs so bad putting it back on I had to call my nurse and say “Meghan they smooshed my boobs help”

Rest of Monday: catheter out. It still hurts there because of course it was (the nurse was great. I’m not blaming her)

But I can pee!

And I have! Twice! (No food or liquids by mouth til Thursday so IV only)

Sat in the chair for 4 hours!

Had a mild panic attack (dropped my call bell and every fluid/antibiotic hit 30 min warning. I can’t yell cause of the NG tube so I just started sobbing.

Day nurse found me and saved me/hugged me/distracted me with cough drops and Netflix show.

Then! I walked from chair to door to bed.

That brings us current. I wanted to sleep but another surgeon walked in, woke me up looked at my staples, told me looks good GET SOME REST.

I’m here for like 2 weeks. Someone needs to let sleep!

#this is unedited #and written on pain meds #have fun

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gorewh0re90x-blog · 5 months

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diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

#ana bllog #ed bullshit #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran

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writing-loube · 7 months

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day two: apathy

i never wanted to grow up. i am shocked im still alive. i grew up thinking that this was the final year. hoping and praying and wishing that this was the final year. but it never happened i still kept growing still kept on living and i’ve come to the point that im fine with being here. but when you’ve thought from the age of 5 from a reoccurring nightmare that you were going to die every night up until the age of 12, it shapes you as a person. you treat death differently-you grieve differently.

ive been finding it difficult to grieve which, is a good thing, but it’s harder when your younger in both senses. when you first start to grieve it’s always a grandparent or childhood animal that dies, it’s how children learn what it’s like. but the people around me have grown up differently. Constantly reminded of terror, fearing for our lives in classrooms, a global plague. these aren’t normal. they are too me though. i’ve been grieving since i gained awareness to my existence. “Grief never wears the same face twice.” but when you’ve been grieving since the day you can remember about all the tragedies and people that have been lost, have you ever stopped? can grieve manifest differently if it’s never gone away? i believe that’s why i’ve become desensitized to everything. i grief for my empathy.

i know i have the ability to be empathetic, i’ve witnessed myself do it before. it’s getting harder, and harder to continue feeling for everyone and everything when i don’t have the strength to give that consideration to myself. i’d rather shut it down then have to constantly worry for everything else. i have anxiety and i’m not ashamed of that in the slightest, if anything it’s more of an annoyance getting that *ping! saying that my heart rate is at 160 again. i know i have to ability to grieve, and empathize. i just don’t have the mental capacity to anymore. instead i’ll get angry at whomever or whatever is responsible for the next tragedy, rather i stand in solidarity with them, then cry for them from the side. and that has to be enough. for my own sanity.

#writers on tumblr #poetry #original writing #original poem

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pseudogaiety · 5 years

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so im definitely feeling some kind of way. info in the tags.

#[ ;ooc. ]#i was gonna get on today but im in a real baad place #ive started having nightmares every night again which is #very frustrating #it was a problem i had in child hood but i thought itd gone away #i had a dream two nights ago that i was being sexually harrassed by a customer at work #and when i threatened to call the police on him he decided id like shamed him in public??? and started stalking me #and then the one i had last night #WHICH WARNING FOR GORE AND GROTESQUE STUFF IF THAT BOTHERS YOU #but i was literally pulling worms out of my face ???#so ya im kinda fucked up rn haha #sorry my dude and ladies

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onlyswan · 2 years

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summary: in which you come home drunk and jungkook is confused the entire time.

> jungkook x f!reader

> fluff, slightly suggestive / wc: 2.1k

> warnings: infidelity but not involving our couple obv (this is jus rly funny nd stupid but ive had so much alcohol since the holidays so i have to)

—

“jungkook!” you cry out, clawing at his shirt before throwing your arms around his torso. jungkook catches your weight and holds you against his body securely, looking at your friend standing at your doorstep with his confused doe eyes.

she scratches the back of her head. “she drank vodka like water as if she also got cheated on and they cursed at the guy for hours then turned on the karaoke. she cried along when ah-young cried while singing all i ask by adele.”

“and she hasn’t stopped since?” your boyfriend adjusts the way he’s carrying you, freeing his other arm to stroke your tear-stained face. you sniffle loudly and nuzzle against the comfort of his embrace, whining out garbled words he can’t understand.

“yeah. i had to tear her away from sleeping ah-young ‘cause she was so noisy. you know she still has to do her night time routine and all that no matter how drunk she is or else she gets grumpy about it in the morning, so i took her home.”

he nods his head understandingly, giving your friend an apologetic smile. “she must’ve given you a hard time.”

she shakes her head, chuckling lightly. “i’m guessing you’ve never seen her this drunk? goodluck!”

and with that, she walks away to leave the apartment complex and jungkook is left sitting on the couch with a drunk girlfriend crying on his chest.

“baby, let me go for a sec so i can get you some water, okay?”

“no, no water!” you protest, looking up at him in panic. “i almost drowned earlier, kook. i was so scared.”

“what?! where? i didn’t know ah-young’s new house had a pool?” he strokes your hair to check if it’s damp, but your soft hair glides through his fingers smoothly.

“no pool! the toilet!”

he looks at you, dumbfounded.

“why is her toilet so fucking big? when i sat down i was like, falling into this deep abyss and the world was spinning. i wanted to cry really bad. 1/5 stars. i’m traumatized. but it has that feature that washes your ass.”

he can’t help but to laugh, craddling your face to wipe away the tears rolling down your cheeks as you continue to rant about how horrible your experience with the toilet was. that you will never come back to your friend’s house ever again. that the painting she bought her ex-boyfriend was creepy and would give you nightmares for the next two weeks. that you realized you don’t like shrimp and you’ve been forcing yourself to eat them your entire life and you feel bad for putting yourself through that.

“so you don’t like shrimp? you hated the food i cooked for our monthsary?” he pouts, expression looking sad and hurt.

you shake your head immediately to assure him, visibly panicking. “it’s only your cooking i like! the shrimp for our monthsary dinner was really good. are you kidding?! i cleared my plate!”

but he has never cooked you shrimp. you used to brush it off subtly every time he suggested it on the menu before by pointing out other dishes with fake enthusiasm.

“so this is what you’re like when you’re drunk, huh? so cute.” he laughs, pinching your cheeks.

then you start crying again. his heart drops to his stomach.

“do you love me because i’m cute or am i cute because you love me?”

“uh, both? you’ve always been cute. but the deeper i fall in love with you, the cuter you become.” he presses a kiss on your cheek.

you reek of alcohol, but he doesn’t mind. you’ve already taken care of him drunk a couple times before, and he’s pretty sure you’ve dealt with worse.

“see, men are such smooth talkers. you make it impossible not to fall in love and impossible to move on. look at you! you’re so pretty and lovely!” you squish his cheeks, making his pout stick out more. “yah, if you break my heart and stomp on it - am i supposed to get drunk on tequila, sing heartbreak songs in karaoke, cry for weeks, stare into a void for a few more days, block you on all social media platforms, chop off all my hair, then pretend you never happened? that’s so much work when you can just not break my heart and not lose your kisses and cuddles privileges.”

wiping away your tears. that’s what he has been doing since you came home. you rushed to your friend’s house the moment you learned she broke up with her boyfriend because he’s been cheating on her with different girls throughout their two-year relationship. he expected that you’d cry and drink with your small circle of friends, just as any other friend group would when one of them deals with relationship problems, but he didn’t know that you cry so much when truly drunk. he’s only seen all you giggly and tipsy before, ringing strangers’ doorbells and kissing his face all over. and right now, it’s understandable for you to voice out such feelings when you constantly witness your friends cry over toxic assholes who are only good at the start.

“i’ll never do anything that will forfeit my kisses and cuddles privileges. that sounds like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. just thinking about it breaks my heart too.” he speaks gently, mindful of his words as to not further upset you more.

you sniffle and nod in response. “good. or else i’ll consider drowning you in ah-young’s toilet.”

“ey, come on. no toilet is deep enough to drown a person.”

“yes, there is. ah-young’s toilet!”

you go back and forth, arguing over this topic for a few minutes until you give up and touch your neck. “i’m so thirsty. water.”

“you want water now, huh?” he laughs, standing up while carrying you in his arms because he knows you’ll whine about getting left behind.

you sit on the counter, swinging your feet as you wait for him to fill a glass with cold water from the fridge.

“do you also feel the earthquake?”

he tilts his head and stays still for a few seconds, before shaking his head. “that’s just your head, baby. here, drink it all.”

you gulp down the water like a little kid drinking warm milk, chest heaving as if it’s going to be taken away from you if you take a moment to breathe.

“you’re so cute,” he can’t help but to say again, stroking the back of your head. you side eye him and glare, entire face still basically planted in the glass.

you set down the glass when you finish.

“i smell horrible. shower.”

you hop off the counter and your knees wobble. luckily, he’s by your side to keep you steady. in the end, he carries you all the way to the bathroom.

“ackkk, motion sickness.” you whine.

“don’t throw up yet. i’m begging you.” he begs nervously.

“i don’t throw up. i’m not weak!”

a big brown creature approaches when you enter the room, ready to jump you and jungkook. your eyes instantly light up.

“bam, my baby!”

“bam, not now. i need to take care of your mom. house.”

thankfully, the dog listens and you’re not lying about not throwing up.

“do you want my help or should i wait outside?” he asks quietly when you start stripping off all your clothes.

you jut out your bottom lip. “don’t leave me.”

he only smiles before guiding you into sitting down in the bathtub. he takes up the task of washing your hair, adding in a scalp massage while you run the loofah across you skin.

“you know what the most infuriating part is?”

“the cheating, of course.”

“i mean, besides that,” you snort, squirting more body wash on the loofah.

“what then?” he washes away the bubbles on his hands to avoid getting them into your eyes before massaging your throbbing temples. your eyes start fluttering open and close more frequently from the relief and relaxation.

“he took fluffy. you know, my boyfriend and i take bam and fluffy on walks sometimes when no one is free to watch over him.”

“oh, what’s your boyfriend’s name?” he plays along with your drunken self, voice flowing with curiosity.

“jeon jungkook.”

bam peeks inside the bathroom upon hearing his name spoken in the conversation. your boyfriend sighs fondly.

“bam, i said house.”

the dogs tilts his head and you swoon at his cuteness. “bam, your daddy said house.” and he walks away to obey you. jungkook’s heart flutters at how your voice becomes so sweet when talking to bam.

“then do you know what my name is?”

you look at the man sitting on a stool beside you. “jeon jungkook.”

“i’m your boyfr-”

he wishes he can put memories from this night in a box and relive them any time he wants, because every second is fucking golden.

“anyways,”

his shoulders drop.

“and he left the thousand dollars worth of painting behind. he whined about wanting that for months. i mean sure, she can just sell it again. i hope she does because i’m starting to believe that it’s bad luck. but still! the dog comes to the person who needs the love and consolation! seriously, after everything, he still found another way to spite her.”

“what an asshole. he doesn’t even take care of fluffy properly. i give him advice but he doesn’t listen. he’s not in good hands.”

“right? and he has the nerve to take him. it’s so annoying.”

“is my girl crying again?”

you sniffle. “no.” you sigh. “yes. ah-young said she won’t give up until she gets fluffy back. so there’s still a glimmer of hope.”

“don’t cry then, my love. fluffy will come home and we’ll take him on a walk with bam again, hmm?”

he takes the showerhead to finally finish shower time, hands tenderly caressing your skin with only the intent to wash away the soap from your body. despite your sleepy state, you notice something. “you forgot to take off your watch.”

he pauses for a moment, glancing at his wrist before the realization hits him. “it’s waterproof.”

you bought it for him especially for that reason.

“the world has progressed significantly. it’s soooo amazing. you should get a bulletproof watch next.”

after drying up and brushing your teeth, you insist on dressing yourself. he prevents you from injuring yourself when you almost trip over while putting on pajamas. bam is standing on the bed, nuzzling his head on your side. “hi, bamie. i love you. your new dinosaur clothes will get delivered tomorrow.”

your giggles fill the room.

“also, i’m still a bit drunk even after that shower. never drink vodka, okay? it’s not good for you.”

jungkook watches the interaction with his chest brimming with love and admiration for his two favorite souls in the world.

“i think bam just smiled at me. is that normal?”

he pets bam’s head and scratches behind his ears as the dog eagerly looks up at the both of you. “of course it’s normal. he just missed you.”

“sorry, bamie. don’t worry, this will be the last time in a while. i feel like shit.”

you plop down on your side of the bed, groaning as exhaustion seeps into your bones.

“sleep time. house now, bam. house.” he instructs bam to go back in his house after giving him some affection so you can finally get your much needed rest.

you crawl into his arms right away - your thigh over his thighs and your arm over his stomach, pulling his body closer. “you’re so warm and comfortable. i love you so much.”

he kisses your forehead, then your lips. you hum at the feeling of his plushy lips against yours.

“i forget that you have a lip ring sometimes.” you mumble quietly, and without inhibition, your tongue darts out feel the cold metal against it. the action makes his stomach do flips. fuck. fuck. fuck. she doesn’t even realize what that does to me. jesus christ.

he swallows thickly, distancing his face a bit to calm himself down. “go to sleep, baby. you had a long day. you must be tired.”

“so tired. from crying. head hurts. heavy. but feel like i’m floooating.” you nuzzle your face against his neck, your warm breath slightly tickling him. he fights off a giggle.

“you cried the entire time. want some more water?”

you mumble a no.

“okay, tomorrow then. goodnight. i love you.” he resumes his head massage, dedicated to it from the shower to the bed.

“i love you too.” words coming out slurred, you drift off to sleep.

he stays up for another hour, worried that you’ll wake up nauseous and you won’t wake him up to ask for help. he scrolls through the item recommendations in his online shopping app, then his cart where you also add things you want to buy. at the very top, he sees that you added a brown fluffy jacket for bam, then a long brown coat similar to it in your size and his. this is what she does when she’s on my phone? is it really possible to love her even more? he checks them out after a minute of deliberation, pressing another kiss to your cheek before also falling asleep.

—

note: this got ..... longer than i intended im laughinggg but theyre just so fucking cute im sorry goodnight

#jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook one shot #bts fluff

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