#ive wanted to post my favorite lyrics for ages now

[shakinblindandhazy]

my favourite midnights lyrics!

this is purely self indulgent

lavender haze

"Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia"

maroon

"When the silence came

We were shaking, blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Sobbing with your head in your hands

Ain't that the way shit always ends?

You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway

Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us"

☆

"The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon"

anti-hero

"I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis"

☆

"I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero"

☆

"Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism

Like some kind of congressman?"

snow on the beach

"Life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did"

☆

"This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen

I searched "aurora borealis green"

I've never seen someone lit from within

Blurring out my periphery"

☆

"My smile is like I won a contest

And to hide that would be so dishonest

And it's fine to fake it 'til you make it

'Til you do, 'til it's true"

you're on your own kid

"I search the party of better bodies

Just to learn that my dreams aren't rare"

☆

"The jokes weren't funny, I took the money

My friends from home don't know what to say

I looked around in a blood-soaked gown

And I saw something they can't take away

'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned

Everything you lose is a step you take

So, make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it

You've got no reason to be afraid"

☆

"You're on your own, kid

Yeah, you can face this

You're on your own, kid

You always have been"

midnight rain

"I broke his heart 'cause he was nice

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain"

☆

"All the love we unravel

And the life I gave away

'Cause he was sunshine, I was midnight rain"

question...?

"Can I ask you a question?

Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?"

☆

"Does it feel like everything's just like

Second best after that meteor strike?"

vigilante shit

"Draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man

You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them

Sometimes I wonder which one'll be your last lie

They say looks can kill and I might try

I don't dress for women

I don't dress for men

Lately, I've been dressin' for revenge"

☆

"Ladies always rise above

Ladies know what people want

Someone sweet and kind and fun

The lady simply had enough"

bejeweled

"Familiarity breeds contempt

Don't put me in the basement

When I want the penthouse of your heart"

☆

"Baby boy, I think I've been too good of a girl

Did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve"

labyrinth

"You know how scared I am of elevators

Never trust it if it rises fast

It can't last"

☆

"Uh-oh, I'm fallin' in love

Oh no, I'm fallin' in love again

Oh, I'm fallin' in love

I thought the plane was goin' down

How'd you turn it right around?"

karma

"You're terrified to look down

'Cause if you dare, you'll see the glare

Of everyone you burned just to get there

It's coming back around"

☆

"Spiderboy, king of thieves

Weave your little webs of opacity

My pennies made your crown"

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Karma's a relaxing thought

Aren't you envious that for you it's not?"

sweet nothing

"Outside, they're push and shovin'

You're in the kitchen hummin'

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothin'"

☆

"On the way home

I wrote a poem

You say, "What a mind"

This happens all the time"

☆

"Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors

And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other

And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"

To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it"

mastermind

"And the touch of a hand lit the fuse

Of a chain reaction of countermoves

To assess the equation of you

Checkmate, I couldn't lose"

☆

"You see, all the wisest women

Had to do it this way

'Cause we were born to be the pawn

In every lover's game"

☆

"No one wanted to play with me as a little kid

So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since

To make them love me and make it seem effortless

This is the first time I've felt the need to confess

And I swear

I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian

'Cause I care"

the great war

"You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire"

☆

"And maybe it's the past that's talking

Screaming from the crypt

Telling me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it"

☆

"It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed

Your finger on my hairpin triggers

Soldier down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops

That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I'd lost you"

bigger than the whole sky

"No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea"

☆

"Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe"

☆

"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you"

paris

"Romance is not dead if you keep it just yours"

☆

"I wanna transport you

To somewhere the culture's clever

Confess my truth

In swooping, sloping, cursive letters"

high infidelity

"Lock broken, slur spoken

Wound open, game token

I didn't know you were keeping count"

☆

"Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

The slowest way is never loving them enough"

☆

"Oh, there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

And it's never enough, it's never enough"

glitch

"I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, oh, yeah"

☆

"I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground

But it's been two-thousand one-hundred ninety days of our love blackout"

would've could've should've

"I would've stayed on my knees

And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil

At nineteen

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering"

"And if you never saved me from boredom

☆

I could've gone on as I was

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us"

☆

"God rest my soul

I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close

Stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go

I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close

I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time"

☆

"If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first"

dear reader

"Dear reader, burn all the files

Desert all your past lives

And if you don't recognize yourself

That means you did it right"

☆

"So I wander through these nights

I prefer hiding in plain sight

My fourth drink in my hand

These desperate prayers of a cursed man

Spilling out to you for free

But darling, darling, please

You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking

If you knew where I was walking

To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there

Where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care

No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire"

the end.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

oh god you have foolishly provided me a chance to dump the contains of my soul and heart out in the open through throwing all my favorite songs to listen to and think of Muriel at you in this essay i WILL

ok first i know its on his official playlist already BUT i feel a need to emphasize just how much it is ABsoLUTEly HIS song most of any of them: drumroll please::: 👏Wolf👏 by 👏First Aid Kit👏 any muriel simp reading this right now i am pounding you with my brainwaves of intent to go listen to it Right Now and Read those Lyrics and just try to tell me its not literally about him god if could draw id be doing such a cool animatic about it but alas it dies with me anyway WAYWARD WINDS!!! A VOICE THAT SINGS!!!! OF A!! FORGOTTEN!!!! LAND!!!!!!! SEE IT FALL!!!! CHILD OF WAR!!!! OH LEND!!!! A MENDING HAND!!!!!!!!!!! i believe ive made myself clear kbgxkyhfhkvd

https://youtu.be/6PmuuiXgIZE

i dont know if links work on anon but i had to try gjzghfdtomfg our wedding song straight up this is in my language and also like. about a girl but the words are easy to switch around so it fits lol it basically just goes like "you just had to know (to do something? like in a you know how to work me way lmao linguistics hard), that i cant forget you at all/i forgot my mother and father/my sister and my brother but i cant goshdarn forget you" and i dont know i probably cant translate that so it hits right but god its absolutely perfect to me cause like I DIDNT! FORGET HIM!! MC REMEMBERS HIM AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT!!!! EVEN WITH THE CURSE I DONT KNOW LET ME HAVE THIS ITS TOO GD ROMANTIC I CANT BELIEVE HE GOT ME ACTING LIKE THIS AGHGF im sorry for yelling i got excited

NEXT a classic we gotta pepper some hozier on this thing so here goes Nothing Fucks With My Baby cause thats my ultimate serenade for him in my head especially the "if i was born/as a blackthorn tree/id wanna be held by you/felled by you/fuel the pyre of your enemies" part as it perfectly describes my sentiments towards my man: hes my bby i will kill for him👁️👁️

theres Always Forever by Cults, i dont have that much to rant about it i just always think of him when i play it lol theres hozier again It Will Come Back which is on his official playlist too but i play around with perspectives in this one cause i put myself in the "it" position, like. im chasing here bro👀 oh my god i have got to shut up this is entirely tmi

https://youtu.be/mLycEitwJCA

i made a whole post about this one its a whole thing lmao long story short muriel on a murderous revenge quest au MOVING ON

OH i remembered another folky one

https://youtu.be/NrgwIo8GWDI

its SUCH a banger and i love it and it goes like i saw a Wolf a Fox a Rabbit so i just imprinted on it with Muriel Asra and MC respectively cause i dont know i had a phase where i decided mcs spirit animal is a rabbit cause of that scrapped introduction chapter with the labyrinth thing i guess idk im scrambling here ngfsfugc anyway it slaps listen to it and imagine a bangin tavern party and maybe youll calm down /meme

ohh ok we're on a folksy roll thats probably because i just mostly associate old timey sounding songs with arcana in general lmao i mean its like middle ages over there right

https://youtu.be/t9PUlNQOZ8o

this ones in my language again i know annoying but i found a translated version look!!! AND theres a bunch of people correcting the mistakes in the comments too if you were wanting to get deeper into research hkdggjyecb and its white voice style so depending on your taste it might sound silly but yeah this ones got some fitting lines too tying up with Murmur and its so cute and so cheesy and hopeful and sappy and it cheers me up aw

oh my god i wonder if anyone gets this far reading this ever if youre seeing this its probably during a scroll roll slow just enough to make out the letters Hello godspeed you continue on your journey with my blessings cause im noT EVEN DONE YET HAHAHAHAHAA

Motha Motha! Problems! nuff said

https://youtu.be/artn9fErRp8

this ones gonna take explaining gjxgkhpgz but maybe not that much

https://youtu.be/_h9V94b4R2g

i just had a eureka moment one day and so another animatic concept to take to my grave was born lmao but mostly its just playing into Muriels & MCs "nO i cOULd hUrt YoU Go aWaY" + "ayo hold my flower ima kill them real quick" dynamic theyve got heehee like the whole "~Dangerous~ ooh that sounds good ya" bit and also yes im in your house no im not leaving jgdghkfhgd and like i just imagined the song fitting the vibe of the whole murder lucio quest road trip with MC all "yo we Getting this shit DONE dont fuck around w my crew" (The Crew: feral milf & bear with anxiety) AND LIKE i always get to the "party like we all gon die tonight" basedrop part with the whole visual montage of us finding khamgalai and then the graveyard fight and Absolutely Everything Going to Shit and the mood shifting to "well fuck maybe we do not in fact got this" but its good we kick lucio all the way to hell at the end we good💕

https://youtu.be/ZxWiG6UJr0w

MMMMMMM THIS ONEE AWW im literally just scrolling through my endless unsorted playlist to find these gdiyyfgfz this ones just cute it doesnt really relate to anything at all actually when i think about it but its nice so here

https://youtu.be/6FEDrU85FLE

.....nope i got nothing on this one just plop it right in here

oh my god. its over. weve done it. we're free

man i hope those links work. definitely not on mobile lol whatever

Hi! and oh, WOW, this was one of the most delightfully wild essays I've ever read for Muriel and I loved it. Especially describing the dynamic on the trip south as "feral milf & bear with anxiety" XD

I've found that links don't work in asks, even with the media option turned on, so I'll include them below. Thanks for your suggestions, anon, I'll put them on the tag! ^.^

[breadboylovin]

hiii. let's say i wanted to check out hivemind. which I do. any episode(? video?) reccs for a newcomer :3 and feel free to tell why you like them also if you want!!

oh you are in luck my friend i already have an entire "hivemind greatest hits" playlist that ive been sending to my other friends whenever they ask about them. however you have also allowed me to ramble so please enjoy that down below

my personal picks for the best newcomer vids are:

guess the song from 1/16th second of audio & guess the rapper from the fiverr impression (grouped together bc theyre both quadeca videos): quadeca is a recurring guest on hivemind (honestly he could be a third host at this point) and i think these are the best vids theyve made with him :-) 1/16th of a second has a lot of really classic bits in it and is also relatively short by hivemind standards (a hivemind vid thats under 30 minutes is a real rarity at this point). the fiverr impressions vid is just really funny AND some of the impressions are actually quite good (the westside gunn one is a classic)

guess the song from the genius lyric annotation *2*: easily one of the funniest solo videos on the channel. the bit:game ratio is fucked but its not COMPLETELY off the rails like some later videos. this is also the origin of one of my personal top 10 hivemind bits, "meta girl on facebook dating"

casting rappers in hypothetical movies (with nickisnotgreen): now this one is quite long (just over an hour) which may put off some people. however i think it is one of the best video concepts theyve ever come up with and i NEED them to do it again. i wish graydon's hit coming-of-age movie CLIQUE (starring sza and babytron) was real so bad

guess the rapper from quadeca's styles of rap: legally i feel like i have to list this video in a newcomer recommendation post because of its importance in Hivemind Lore. youll understand if you watch it

honorable mentions for vids i just really like:

best tweets of all time tier list (this is in the playlist but i didnt list it above cus most of the humor is from the tweets theyre looking at. however it always makes me laugh and i put it on whenever im really upset)

guess the rotten tomatoes score from the movie (features graydon's girlfriend eden whos only been in two videos but is EASILY my second-favorite guest behind quadeca. she is fucking hilarious)

reacting to 10 sea creatures i can't believe exist (i just think this one is so wholesome. no bits, no game, just two dudes looking at weird animals. and it obviously appeals to me as a bio nerd)

[f4y3w00d5]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3 (/nf)

omggg fuck yeahhh i like song orientated things-

uh i might almost do my fav lyric of the song cos im bored

Him & I by Halsey and G-Eazy (I havent actually listened to this song in AGES and its not like what i normally listen to) my fav part would prolly be 'Ever catch me cheatin', she'd try to cut my- *and some laughing*' cos i love that theyre saying that shed try to cut his dick off

Zero Percent by My Chemical Romance (one of my more recent favs!) Got a lot of fav lines, one of them is 'And if you'll kill him for me, well then I'll kill him for you!' and maybe 'Dont need the system, we can leave it if we try. Shoot up eeeverything we see. And we'll find it on the wall, I hope you die- Manipulation! Just to fooorm an alibi! You're the one that's right for me. And if heaven wants to take us they can try!'

Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria (Havent listened this to ages but i still like it) 'Well, if you're just as I presumed.... a whore in sheeps clothin', fuckin up all i do-'

Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance (OMG ONE OF MY FAVSSSS) so fav parts would be 'Cos we are ALL a buncha LIARS tell me baby who do you wanna be?' and also 'Its been ten fuckin' years since Ive been seeing your face round here... and you're walkin' away, and i will drown in the fear....'

This Is Home by Cavetown (ANOTHER FAV???) got a few favs here. 'Are you tired of me yet? Im a lil sick right now but i swear. When im ready I will fly us outta here.' 'I cant really think right now in this place. Theres too many colours, enough to drive all of us insane-' and 'Are you dead? Sometimes I think im dead-' then just the entire bridge lmao

aaaaaaanyways thats a lot more than what you wanted but im just obssessed

[echoesofadream]

no literallyyyyy I loved when he was rawr emo boy grr !! but now he is wealth wealth rich Justin Bieber going insane. I guess we should have seen it coming, considering his young debut age and big success ofc hed land in that weird space eventually... aw this Made me kinda sad actually like it was funny being like yucky greasy long haired sweaty gamerboy but actually hes just child labor ptsd crashdown era :(( maybe he can collab with vernon and make a cringey emo song and get motivated to become a rockstar instead of twitch streamer? *have u seen Vernons solo its. its uh im really embarrassed I will forever remember the review a mutual or something posted "the song/mv is like something I made up to make fun of him" lol...) oh my god im getting more and more stressed thinking about jungkook now... even tho im not following him super closely cause yeah I dont have time to watch all those lives cheesus I dont rlly like lives anyway unless theyre special like tea time w hao or jungkook drinking wine or the hilarious bts live the legendary one anyway.... many worries.... also I agree maybe drugs would be good for him? its best to suffer in swagfull ways if u should suffer but I fear he doesnt have enough swag like, technically its swag to be an alcoholic but Liam Payne of one direction is swagless so his alcoholism is cringe so I think maybe jungkook couldn't pull of drug addiction unless he like killed someone maybe or became a girlblogger ? hmm much 2 think about and im sooo tired im gonna sleep now zz goodnight echo -misa ofc

Hi hi good morning misa hope you slept well 💞

wait you’re right. This must be a really confusing time for him because he has everything he could ask for but all his members are doing different stuff and like what should he do? When hes been working for one goal since literally t h i r t e e n y/o literally a CHILD. Like he has strived to be an idol and the best and given everything he has, literally sacrificed his youth. Like i would be so lost. But it seems like maybe he is just chilling. Maybe he should keep the dog…

That said yesssss can he PLEASE make emo music I KNOW hes got it in him, he can make IU-esque ballads also, punk rock indie pop.. but he should become a rockstar.. well whatever he wants i mean i think he just needs direction.. baby boy… AKDJFK thats so funny i think i saw something similar that vernons* lyrics seemed AI generated but yours is even funnier. Yeah good idea. Also no I cant watch his like three hours lives no matter how much i love his voice id rather just listen to decalcomania 1 hour version than all those endless kareoke covers. Hmmm yes all the fics ive read where hes done drugs hes been in like a downward spiral and im afraid theres truth to that, i think he could possibly go overboard also especially if he needs the drugs to do music. And hmm he does seem to be drinking in those lives and idk how to feel about i mean its his life i just mean theres a difference between decadence and suffering artist. Not to self insert on my favorite kpop boy but i think he also has the addiction gene. Maybe he should stick to the dog walks and gym routines for the sake of his wellbeing and maybe just go be a twitch streamer if thats what he needs💔 i feel like hes got so much inside of him to let out but its stifled by the fact that hes a 20 smth (idfk) millionare whos been cut off from the outside world due to being an idol since literal childhood. ok wow this is depressing. :/ i agree he should kill someone, he needs new demons

*playing Sad girl by lana*

[dimonds456]

What was “A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak” Really About?

What was Zach Callison’s A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak really about?

Hey all you people out there! How are you surviving quarantine? I had a bunch of spare time, and so I decided to write an essay that focuses on Zach Callison’s album, A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak. The album has been out for a while, but most people either only know Interlude IV or are really confused about the story it tells. I think I’ve finally got an answer, and I wanted to share it with you all.

If you’re only here to better understand Interlude IV, you can skip down there if you want, but you’ll still be pretty confused. Besides, you should listen to the rest of the album. The whole thing bops. 

Personal favorite song is Phantom Love, but I’m pretty sure no one cares about that.

Anyways, on to the show! One song at a time, in order.

WARNING: REALLY, REALLY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT!!

Phantom Love

Phantom Love sets up the whole story for us. Juanita is Zach’s old GF, who appears to only have dated him so she could get ideas for a music album she was writing. However, she had no ideas and/or is a masochist, and so wanted to get Zach to either break up with her, do something horrible to her, or just create drama in general she could write about. Whatever happens happens, and she is successful. 

Juanita seems to be suffering from some form of depression, but whether that’s actually the case or she, again, just wanted something to write about is up for debate. But either way, it’s hinted at several times that she slit her wrists and other self-harm-inducing activities. 

Many people follow her- she seems to be popular enough (which makes sense, due to the album being about two celebrities dating each other, just like Zach’s irl relationship). However, she has two different faces- her showbiz the-cameras-are-on face and her real face. Zach seems to have the same thing, as hinted at in She Don’t Know, but we’re not there yet. Point is, Juanita used Zach to try and get a tragedy out of the whole deal.

It was a phantom love- it never existed. 

“Made me promise I would never break your heart

How was I to know that’s what you wanted from the start?”

Both people got into Hollywood from a young age and grew up with it, and so were surrounded by drama constantly. This takes a toll on Zach, but he tries to deal with it whereas Juanita actively wants to partake in it. She causes drama- little triggers to get him to snap- until one day, he does.

Interlude I - Frantically

This one is pretty straight-forward. After the two break up, it’s the perfect excuse for Juanita to start spreading rumors and stirring tension. She’s quick to make Zach out to be the bad guy, when in actuality, he was the one who was being loyal in their relationship.

We’re clued in that these rumors aren’t true from one line: “I heard he got fired from that cartoon he does. (Nooo wayyy…)” We, as the audience, know for a fact he didn’t, but things get shaky as we realize that some of them are also true. 

“I heard he does coke now and, like, screams a lot.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

[laughter]

Zach overhears them talking about them and runs away, going off somewhere to be alone. Once he’s alone, we get the disturbing audio of him sniffing some drugs, implying that he actually does, indeed, do coke.

DISCLAIMER: Irl Zach Callison did NOT turn to drugs! It’s a metaphor for how many people he knows who have decided to do so, and so he;s aware of what it does to one’s mind. Don’t worry; Zach is okay in that department.

She Don't Know

After gaining the following knowledge, this song is easier to understand. Zach really did love Juanita, and he misses her, even though he knows at this point that she used and abused him. 

“There ain’t no drug in all the world like loving you

Cocaine and cigarettes will have to do

Won’t somebody save me? My heart’s beating outta m’ chest

I just wanna hold you with those hands I once possessed.”

Juanita isn’t aware of the effect she had on him, and he laments this quite strongly (hence the title). Once she had her heartbreak, she ran off, leaving a broken lover behind. 

Trigger warning: there are hints of suicidal thoughts in this song. They get more prominent as the album goes on, which becomes important later. This is where we really start seeing them, though.

“F***ed up on my bedroom floor

And my first thought’s ‘let’s do some more’

They say it all kills for thrills

And I hope it does!

Can you hear me, love?”

He speaks about “where did I go” later on, meaning that he is losing himself/doesn’t feel like himself. He still wants to be with her, and her absence has utterly destroyed him. He’s still in love with her, and wants her to know that. However, Juanita doesn’t give a bat of the eye in his direction, only caring that she now had the material she needed to write her album.

Interlude II - Christie Only Knows

Here, we are introduced to Zach’s make-believe sister, Christie. Only she is aware that he is going through this, and we find out quickly that she isn’t supportive.

“It’s getting late now, but to me, it’s just beginning

‘Cuz life’s tearing me to pieces and I know I’ve been defeated

Oh, no

And Christie only knows.

Never seen someone like this before

An eight-ball power on the floor

And I’m staring at the ceiling 

Wondering if the reaper’s close

But Christie only knows

That there ain’t no drug in all the world like being you

\Glory on the silver screen just had to do

Won’t somebody save me? I am screaming out of breath

And my shadow, he’s holding a gun…

With those hands that I once possessed…”

This is the only time I’ll put all the lyrics in here, I swear. However, this one is important as it paves the way to Nightmare, bridging the gap between the two moods. She Don’t Know is angry, stressed, unsure, and frustrated, whereas Nightmare is just… depression. Interlude II is the middle ground, showing us that once Zach got all that off his chest, he feels… numb. He doesn’t know what to do. 

Now, who exactly is Christie? I don’t think she really exists, in the context of the album, that is. I believe that Christie is someone he’s hallucinating, an embodiment of all his most negative thoughts, sugarcoated into something pretty and worth listening to. We’ll explore her character later on in Interlude IV - Showtime, but for now, what you need to know is that his suicidal thoughts are getting more and more intense now that she’s here.

A sister is someone who you’re bonded to, whether it be in blood, relationship, or cause. In this case, I think it’s more relationship. She is telling him to let go, to accept that things are this way and won’t get better. It’d be easier to end it. And Zach is listening to her. We know this because of the line “And my shadow, he’s holding a gun with those hands that I once possessed…” He is seriously thinking about it, and the fact that it’s his shadow shows that the thought is always in the back of his mind. The same thoughts that led him to love Juanita are now ready to kill him- those same, once-steady hands he used to hold her with. And he’s done. He’s holding on by a thread.

Nightmare

This song is told in the 3rd person as Zach really explains what he’s been going through each and every day that lead him to this fateful decision to end it. He is done. He’s decided it. 

Every day, he cries. He hates himself, he hates looking at himself, he hates all of it. 

“Prosecutor at his own trial, 

The floor below him becomes so fertile 

by his very own vile, Nile, and exile source 

By the pitter-patter of his tears on the bathroom tile… 

...you’re nothing more than your feelings 

from your floors to your ceilings 

and out the all-bloodshot ocular faucets… 

Boy vs brain, white noise vs the sane, 

always vs the same, cries for help exclaim 

that he’s beyond repair. He’ll swear, he’ll despair, he’ll stare 

straight ahead in the mirror at the source of his waking nightmare.”

There’s an instrumental break, during which he says “Are you writing this down, Christie? Yeah…” This shows that he’s lamenting to himself, as again, Christie doesn’t really exist. He’s venting to her, jotting down everything that’s wrong with him.

This tells me that he’s writing a note. He is telling someone where he’s going and why he did what he’s about to do. Remember, Christie is in Zach’s head, and so if she is writing this down, that means that Zach is writing this down. His worst, most negative thoughts are writing all this down, showing him that this was the right decision. This will end all his suffering, and whoever reads the note will understand and be happy for him. This was his solution.

“He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city

The city’s biggest bluff is making itself look so pretty

He tells himself to be tough, isolated and gritty

But gritty’s kinda hard when his brain’s run by committee”

This is how he decides to die. Now with a gunshot like Interlude II hinted at. He is willing to jump for it.

Look at the album cover. Did he go for it? I don’t think so, but we’ll get to that.

The song concludes with him saying this:

“So who do I speak of and why is he grey?

He rejects all his love, see the prices he pays

To his vices he caves, in a crisis of fates

No tragic history, only a mystery 

So I say to you, ‘who?’

Why don't’cha tell me?”

This is him confirming to us, the audience, that this is Zach’s character speaking about himself. He’s been hinting and clueing at us to this song all along, and now he is making sure that we know what’s going on in his head. He’s ready to end it. 

His love for Juanita broke his heart so severely that it left him broken and bruised beyond repair. And if you can’t fix it, it’s time to throw it away.

So he heads back out to the bluff to jump.

Interlude III - Second Thoughts

He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city. The bluff’s height is making itself not so pretty. Is this being tough? Or just being petty? But petty’s not likely, it’s a selfish, single entity…

Doe she really want to do this? Looking down, Zach thinks about what made him come here. The drugs? They’re messing him up. He’s aware of it, he’s been aware of it. Would jumping be giving in to their influence? Or Juanita’s? 

“We put his record on until he’s bleeding on the needle

And he’s weeping in the street

Cut down on his curtain call

That’s where he’s gonna sleep.”

Standing on top of the bluff now, he looks down onto the road. He can see that there is where he could die, but he’s suddenly not so sure. The idea just slammed into him, reality slapping him in the face. “Do you really want to do this?” 

“Take aim with these hands he once possessed

A dozen roses on the pavement laid the rest

Oh, my dear sister Christie, will I feel some remorse?

She says ‘no, pull the trigger, ‘cuz he’s left us no recourse.

His brain has a sickness, so kill it at the source.’”

He steps closer. He can see, in his mind, the image of his dead body lying on the road, forever resting. But, was that the right call? To just throw in the towel like that? So, in true metaphorical fashion, he turns and asks Christie. His inner demons. They’ve been straight with him before, right? And, of course, they say “yes, go for it.”

But Zach still isn’t sure.

I believe he backs off for now, leading the way to Curtain Call.

Curtain Call

This is where it really starts to get difficult when it comes to dissecting this album, and from here on out, I guarantee that I got things wrong. However, stay with me, because I’m open to and want to discuss what everyone else thinks it all could mean. I’m going to share my ideas, and if you have a better one, tell me and I can either agree or argue it with you. Point is, like English class (in high school), if you have the evidence to back it up, you’re not wrong. Let’s have a serious discussion about this.

On with the show! Now, it appears as though Zach is arguing with himself in this one, one wanting to show people that he’s hurt so he can get help- the side that wants to live- but on the other hand, his other half knows that there’s nothing they can do if he does. He’d just weigh them all down. Because all of him agrees that he’s useless and hopeless. 

He sends up a prayer (I think Zach is Christian, so this makes sense), asking for, basically, karma of some kind. He’s done feeling this way, and wants it to stop. So he asks for “some price to pay,” hoping that there’s a solution, but knowing that the solution isn’t going to be handed to him on a silver platter. He’d need to work to get better, and this is him saying that he’s willing to do that. He WANTS to live, but he’s just not sure he can anymore. And that’s his main argument. Can he do this? Was it even worth it?

Obviously, with Zach being a famous actor (both irl and in the album), he has a double life. One is bringing joy to others, while the other is a constant internal struggle. The world is a stage, and at this point, Zach is basically admitting- through metaphors- that he has been acting. Pretending. 

Consider this lyric, put there- side by side- very intentionally:

“I find that I’m anything but fine.

No, I’m okay. Oh please just look away!”

It’s all a mask. And it’s one he’s tired of wearing. Notice how tired he sounds when he sings those lines. He’s done. He’s been done.

“Bourbon to kill my pain

Curtains to hold my shame

No, they can’t look away

Cannot contain my rage…”

These lines are telling us that people around Zach have started to notice that he’s off, but he wants to believe that he’s okay, that he’ll be okay. So he continues his career (“curtains to hold my shame”), even though it’s hurting him to do so at that point. And people are starting to notice. And that’s making him frustrated. At himself. At them. He’s tired. Let him rest. He just wants to rest and forget. Bourbon, alcohol, kill the pain. Make it go away so they can’t see. But they already see. The mask is old and withering in decay.

Towards the end, Zach’s voice becomes more echoey and distant (discluding the Italian that I have no hope of understanding, which is why I’ve yet to mention it). This shows that he’s distancing himself, running away, if you will.

Running back to the bluff.

And this time, he jumps.

Interlude IV - Showtime

Okay, meme time. This is the one everyone knows. However, we are not going to be talking about a Connverse fight that honestly makes no sense given the limited context of the song (as cool as those animatics are). We will be talking about, however, Zach facing and challenging his inner demons. Christie does not exist. Why should she rule over his life?

Let’s break this one down, since this one is the hardest to fit into the story.

He jumps, but survives the fall. Maybe dazed, maybe broken. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe this song IS the dream. We can’t be sure. Everything is metaphorical in this one. Perhaps he didn’t jump at all. We can’t be sure.

Christie congratulates him. She tells him that he’s free. He did the right thing, and now it was just the two of them. They could do whatever they wanted without feeling so weighed down!

Zach disagrees, coming to a realization.

He jumped. Christie had said that it’d make everything okay again, that it’d be bliss. Well, he jumped, and it wasn’t. It was worse. He felt anger and fear, and this leads him to finally, for once, counter her. 

“The world is ours!”

“No it isn’t.”

“Get in the car.”

“This isn’t finished.”

“...What?”

She’s shocked that Zach openly argues with her, and as their bickering goes on (which I’m sure a lot of you reading this can hear perfectly in your heads, so I won’t write the exact lyrics down), Zach gains more confidence. He accuses her of murdering him. “And they’ll all think that it was suicide, but Christie, I know that it was you inside.” Remember, she’s not real and therefore didn’t really “kill” him, but he blames her as he allowed her to control and manipulate him. 

Christie is shocked, stating that everything she did, she did to comfort him. ”I saved him! I held him ‘til the moment he [Zach’s “innocence”] died!”) However, Zach realizes what she really is now, and decides that enough is enough. (“You choked him out of his goddamn mind! Promised the world to him, a goddamn lie!”) He knows what she is, and won’t let himself be manipulated by her again. 

Now, the whole time, they’re talking about someone who is dead. Who is that someone? Zach. However, it’s all a metaphor. When Zach jumped, a part of him died. The last of his humanity? His sanity? I think his “innocence,” which I say in quotes because I’m sure there’s a better word for it out there somewhere. He’s done being blind to the truth, blindly following Christie around. The part of him that was naive enough to do that, to listen to her influence and complain about the world, is gone. He’s dead.

And that means Zach isn’t taking anymore s***. 

C: “I won’t help you take [Juanita] down.”

Z: “Fine. I’LL DO IT BY MYSELF!”

C: “You don’t need it!”

Z: “Oh, I know that I need it.”

C: “She’s been gone for years, I know you can beat it!”

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her…

But you let me kill him, you’re WORSE than Juanita!”

Juanita herself never killed him. She never physically harmed him, not in any way that counts here. However, Christie did. She pushed and pushed him, taking a fragile boy and breaking him even more. Zach is now his own worst enemy, not Juanita, and this is him realizing it. But he doesn’t want to be his own enemy.

C: “I won’t help you take her down.”

Christie doesn’t want Zach to face her, because she knows that that would be him really facing his demons and starting down the path to healing. Juanita is Zach’s biggest obstacle, aside from himself. He has to face himself first, and that’s why this song is so powerful. Zach is taking a step back and realizing what he has to do, who he is, and why things are like this.

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her. 

We’re one and the same, we’re afraid to be near her!”

There’s that mirror metaphor again, except that he’s not looking at himself with hatred; he’s looking at himself with understanding (and a side of hatred). He’s ready to face her. He’s ready to get everything to stop.

“1, 2, 3, 4

Is this what love is really for? 

Is this all I get for being yours?

The kid in front of me in blood and gore?”

The kid is, again, Zach’s “innocence.” He understands, he’s ready to not only move on, but also confront her.

5, 6, 7, 8

Years left to waste for all I hate

They’ll all know Juanita’s fate!

Show’s about to start; don’t be late.”

He knows that it’s going to be a showdown, a big, epic throw down. And Christie isn’t coming with him. He’s leaving her behind. He’s leaving his demons behind, breaking free from them and moving on.

War!

The ultimate throw down begins!

“A wise man once said, ‘time is money’

So how much money did I lose to you, honey?

Find it kinda funny you wanna keep this feud runnin’

But I’m glad I’m on your mind, keep that canon fire coming, woah!”

This is 100% a diss track. Zach confronts Juanita in front of a lot of her friends (we hear multiple girls go “huh?” as they realize that Zach’s here and he’s ANGRY), and immediately starts in. No introductions, no “hey it’s nice to see you again”s, nothing. He’s here to make a statement, and he’s gonna do so.

He realizes Juanita for who she is now, and she has done so many horrible things to him. Spreading rumors and lies to ruin his life, after dating him just to get a story to write about. He’s sick of it and done. He calls her out, and it’s important that he does this in front of other people so they see what she’s really done. He’s hurt, he’s been hurt, and it’s because of Juanita, this amazing person a lot of people looked up to and liked (“I know, Juanita deserves so much more [Interlude I]”. “Step inside the life of the men weak enough to follow you [Phantom Love]). 

Juanita also appears to be dating someone else by this time. This is really important, because now due to context clues we got from before, the only reason Juanita dates is to get a heartbreak out of it so she can have the motivation and drive to write her own album. That’s why she dated Zach. So, if she’s dating again, that means she either lost the motivation and drive again, or she never had it in the first place since it wasn’t a real love between them. She didn’t truly experience a heartbreak at all. This is further backed up by the claim that “we’ve been waiting on your album for ages, no traces, and baby, we’ve already run out of patience!” She’s only dating to get that experience again.

This means that, at least in Zach’s eyes, she hasn’t changed. “To your new boy, let he be warned: you’re her new toy for blood and gore! What, you didn’t know?” She is going to destroy him emotionally, and he’s going to go down the same path as Zach, ending in death- blood on the pavement. The gore part is to emphasize how horrific the whole ordeal was.

“Sit down with me and sign this armistice

Get your big proboscis outta my s***, miss”

A proboscis is the butterfly equivalent of a tongue. They use it for sucking nectar out of flowers. So, what he’s saying here is that they need to settle this between them (“sign this armistice”), and that she needs to mind her own business. By her talking about Zach like that, she ruined his life and he’s sick of it. She literally sucked the joy out of him like nectar. 

“Welcome to the new me!

Paint your nails black and unscrew me

But that’s okay, Juanita

Know my business is booming”

His business is a reference to his own album, the very one you’re listening to. His music career took off now because of her and the fact that she broke his heart, not the other way around. Juanita can never understand that because she “only loves to be broken [Phantom Love].” 

“That’s alright, that’s okay!

You barely wrote them anyway

Half your songs got thrown away

Like ballets on voting day

All my ballads had more to say

Like a bullet through a motorcade”

In a twist, Zach got the story Juanita had wanted. He experienced a heartbreak, while she never really did. So he writes an album instead of her. It’s a cool kind of karma that Zach- or, at least, his character- can’t resist. 

The whole song ends with him forcing her/her friends to sing along with him, repeating her name, then yelling. She screams, and it cuts out. 

I think he’s lost his sanity (or again, his “innocence”) here. He gets carried away, and either attacks her or makes like he’s about to. I think he makes like he’s about to, but stops. This is the final song; if Zach killed her, there would more than likely be another song depicting the consequences and an Interlude V to show the aftermath of the incident. But because he stopped himself, he’s satisfied. Juanita learned her lesson, Zach got everything off his chest, and the people around them know the truth. 

That’s all he’s wanted for longer than we can possibly know.

Final Observations

Zach Callison has gone on record to say that “Juanita” has finally published an album of her own, but that happened months later. I don’t have any specific dates for anything, though. No one knows who the real-life “Juanita” is, which in my opinion, is noble of Zach. He had a lot of anger to get out, but unlike her, he wasn’t going to ruin her life to try and get something out there. He can make a statement without ruining someone else along the way.

With that knowledge, let us all stand and clap for this man.

Not only is the album just a really good listen, but each song tells a cohesive story. The tones each song sets, as well as the far under-appreciated interludes (or over-appreciated in terms of Showtime), really shows how his emotional state changes. Phantom Love is a lament, She Don’t Know is a classic “I’m sad bc my gf broke up with me :(“ which is how Zach perceives that incident at that point in time, whereas Nightmare is him falling into depression stronger than anything he’s ever felt before. Curtain Call is him arguing with himself about whether or not he should even live anymore, and it all comes back around with the upbeat, heavy-rock literal song of War!. The interludes take the tone of the next song and combine it with the lyrics of the previous to show that smooth transition between emotions as he grapples with his mental state, the only exception really being Interlude I, as it has an overall bouncy tone to it.

Zach not only made every single song enjoyable, but also unique and heartfelt. Just listen to how his voice shakes during Christie Only Knows. He is genuinely upset and lost, and because of this, he’s better able to convey the HUGE emotion dump that was his album.

Do I recommend it? Yes. I think there’s something in there for everyone, even if you only enjoy one of the songs. However, doing a review is going to be an entire post in and of itself.

Thanks for reading, guys. Now go listen to the album and tell me your thoughts. Does my explanation make sense? Do you have a better idea? Let me know. I want to have a real discussion about it with other people who have listened to the whole thing, not just Interlude IV.

If you haven’t listened to it yet, it’s on YouTube and ITunes. Do yourself a favor and check it out. The whole thing is ~45 minutes long.

Have a link to the playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_n1rA_1uUBtxoATot0ixiTgvdEHhj3lAn4

[moony-moons-world]

A list of amazing musicians that isn't (sadly) more commonly known...

I: Steps Ahead - formed in 1979, ended semi in 1986, jazz, rock, r&b, fusion. Instrumental, swingy in a very relaxing way and positive!

II: Silly Wizard - A 1960/70's folk band - when I talk about folk - this is what I mean. They both sing in (Scottish) Gaelic and English. Their songs go from silly, happy and hyper to ballads and mourning. I genuinly wish I had been alive in the 70's to see them live.

III: L'arpeggiata - an essemble that plays a lot of different styles of classical music, with various colorations with other wonderful artists. No one in their right mind would call them dull. Family favourite.

IV: Forndom - A Norwegian musician. Viking music, one of my favorites. Everytime I get goosebumps. Best song: hemkomst (homecoming)

V: The Dolmen - an English group that make folk (see above) rock. Think Pink Floyd and Celts and you get a basic idea of what they do. Amazing vocals, songs that go about everything (pirates, war, love, prejudices etc) and they dare to go wild.

VI: Duke Elkington - think instrumental, jazz, blues, rock & roll, soul, and everything in between. There should be a Duke Ellington day, week and month. He was so important that he changed music for good. He even played for Queen Elizabeth.

VII: Eivør - a Faroesic/Icelandic singer/musician, Viking music mixed with techno/dubstep/electronic and a voice that is the best I have heard in many, many years.

VIII: Philip Glass - minimal music. He's the one to listen to. Mind, don't be in an impatient mood, because then it will be irritating, but otherwise it's the best. Koyaanisqatsi- a movie from 1982 - is one to watch to find out why this music is so amazing (it's successors Powaqqatsi (1988) and Naqoyqatsi (2002) are worth a look too).

IX: Magna Carta - a band from 1969. If you like poetry and music this is one to listen to. Lord of the ages is their most well known song. Just kisten and decide for yourself if you like them or not, because it's quite different and difficult to describe their style. It made me fall in love with poetry.

X: The Sidh- they are from Italy, they have mixed bagpipes, lowwhistles, and the like, with edm rhythms and electronic/dance/dubstep/techno. Excellent for going all out at parties and 'raving', you don't need drugs to go high with them.

XI: Adam Lambert - glam rock/rock the most top 40 artist in my favourite musicians list. Currently also working with Queen. His voice is flabbergasting and his lyrics are really relatable. It's always a kick to hear/see. Remember Fever? That's him. Remember Glee's starchild? Marry the night? That's him.

XII: Bronski Beat - a 80's band. New wave/punk/electronic. Small-town boy is their most well known song.

XIII: Clamavi De Profundis - this is an (vocal) essemble that sings (mostly) the songs from books as The Lord of the Rings (J. R. R. Tolkien) in full length and in an amazing way. But also different songs (their Christmas songs are cool). Song of the Lonely Mountain, they do it.

XIV: Supertramp - sure they are famous, but can we please talk about the fact they make ridiculous amazing songs and music? They are easy to listen to and when you actually really listen you realize how genius the lyrics are. Plus the singer (Rick Davies) has this voice I could listen to all the time.

XV: The Doors - yes also extremely well known. Heck Jim Morrison is one of the club of 27. But their music, if music was anything like sex this would be it. 'Riders on the storm', and 'the end' are well known, but 'People are strange,' never forget that one.

XVI: Pyrolysis - a Dutch folk band. Similar to Silly Wizard, but with a more current sound, and wider range of songs. Want to dance the Scottish? This is the band to do so.

XVII: Kila - an Irish folk/rock band. That's all I am going to say about them. Because that should be enough. :-)

XVIII: The Lumineers - Every now and then people post 'Academia' music lists, but hardly ever this group is among them. They should. It's relaxing, joyful, well done and poetic and by far one of my favorites to sing along with. Ophellia, Angela and Ho Hey are the most famous of their repertoire.

XIX: Postmodern Jukebox - Modern songs (and old ones) remade in postmodern music. Their videos are very good and an delight to watch. Just do it.

XX: Ramses Shaffy - a Dutch singer, sometimes in French, with really beautiful songs, lovely lyrics and he had this kind of voice that will calm you down immediately and fill you with hope. This. is. what. Dutch. music. should. be. like, like. all. the. bloody. Time.

That's all for today folks, see you next time.

(though feel free to ask new music ideas (or suggest them) if you want to :-D)

[clumsyclifford]

6, 12, 14, 15, & 21 for the writing asks? -megs 💙

hachi machi okie dokie how many more nonsense rhymes can i say ok that's it great let's go

6. What fic is on your back burner, waiting to be written when you feel your skill matches its potential? answered this one here! i'm SURE there are more though let me check my fic ideas doc (fun fact my fic ideas doc is still called "Malum fic ideas:" from back in the early days of this blog when i was chiefly writing malum because of helen). oh! well. the major league baseball au is still uh, kinda back burner-y. that's another one that i started and then ran face first into a wall known as The Wall of Trying To Realistically Represent A Situation I've Never Been In But Also Include Romance Which Would Not Typically Exist In This Setting So I'm Really Setting Myself Up For Failure Here it's a really annoying wall i know hazel hits it too so i'm just ignoring it for the moment. i also think a castaways fic (the concept, not the song) would be really awesome but tricky because, once again, i've never actually BEEN a castaway, and my knowledge of the topic is pretty heavily based on the book hatchet so like. yeah. i have a lot.

12. Where do you commonly find inspiration for your stories? everywhere! i saw in your answer you said you hear song lyrics and think they'd make good fic titles, i do EXACTLY the same thing (hence the doc "good lyrics for titles"). one day ill make that doc into a prompt list and post it on here and just fuck myself over. previously ive gotten some inspiration from movies but i shortly after completing baby driver au i realized that was a fluke and that in general i am pretty bad at making fics out of movie plots because i am very bad at remembering salient details about movies in the order that they happen. like i started a robin hood (2018) au but barely got anywhere with it because i realized i had never actually understood the plot well enough to write it. i would say the things that inspire me the most are songs (we know i loooove a songfic, mostly bc they make the job so easy by just laying out the plot and vibe for me) and also things that happen to me and feelings i have about those things. unfortunately many of my experiences are not universal (hello jewish summer camp) which may be part of why i've had so much trouble coming up with ideas lately. but as soon as i'm back at school i get the feeling i'll be doing fine again.

14. Share a few sentences of what you’re currently working on? what AM i currently working on? technically speaking i'm kinda sorta working on two things but one of them just doesn't have a good snippet and i don't wanna do a Reveal yet so ill give you this one instead, from a fic i might never even post:

“Oh, I meant to tell you, my mum called earlier, she asked if you’re okay.” Ashton’s mum always asks if Luke is okay. Exactly that way, is Luke doing okay?, like Luke gives off some kind of not-doing-okay vibe. He suspects it’s a leftover instinct from his and Ashton’s mutual breakdown a few years back, but honestly, he’s doing better now. It’s sweet of her to ask, but she could just ask about him the same way she asks about Michael and Calum. How’s Luke? would be fine.

“I am great,” Luke says. “How’s she? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s okay,” Ashton says. “She’s started taking Harry to look at some universities.” He pauses. “University. You know? What the fuck?”

“No way,” Luke says, and tries to work out if he’s meant to be surprised by that. He can’t remember how old Harry is. Clearly almost uni-age. Ashton’s told him this a million times, but Luke can’t keep track when the answer keeps changing. He doesn’t want Ashton to think he’s forgotten, so he just says, “That’s insane.”

15. What are some of your favorite tropes to write? Do they match the ones you read? answered this one here as well! i've managed to get unbelievably long-winded answering every single one of these questions so far so i won't write another answer for this one

21. Do you have any stories you’ve written completely but never posted? Why? Please tell us about them? yes!! i have a handful. let me hunt them down. okay final answer, i have five!

one is an au based on the prompt "we’re at a party and someone asks what your type is and you describe me perfectly while staring right at me” which i never posted because i wrote it a while ago and honestly i don't think it's good enough to post. also i kinda don't like the background character i made jack barakat. i could edit it. but. ehh

one is a fic that is set in the daydream jalex fic 'verse, but the only way it's relevant to that 'verse is because it has ace!jack, and it's highly personal and probably the most projection-heavy fic i've ever written and i never posted it because i'm nervous to be Known like that lol

one is technically emo lashton, but not actually set in the emo lashton 'verse that i've created, and that one is ALSO one of the most projection-heavy fics i've ever written. it's usually the fics that are full of projection but in a specific way that i think isn't really relatable that i write but don't end up posting. it's a good fic honestly i wouldn't be against posting it i just never have. also partially because i'm between two titles for that fic lol

one is.......something that was originally going to be set in a different fic universe (for a fic i havent posted or finished writing lol), but now i don't know if it will necessarily fit in that 'verse, so it's kind of its own very short but complete thing. i never posted it because (1) it's super short, less than 1k, and i don't like to post stuff that short, and also (2) just in case it DOES fit the fic 'verse, i don't wanna give away the ending, lmao

and lastly there's a fic i wrote in an excited haze when sam and meghna and i made the ssf and the aces plans, which is like, ot4 meeting but they're all internet friends. guess what inspired that. i'll never post it because it really wasn't written with the intention of posting it, i sent it to sam and meghna and they were the only people i wanted to read it and they have so <3

writing asks

[loveontheninthcloud]

30 questions tag

Thank you @refractallize the tag!!

Rules: Answer 30 questions about yourself and tag 20 others you wanna know more about 😊

1. Name/Nickname: lilly/lils

2. Gender: Female

3. Star Sign: Leo

4. Height: 5’4"

5. Time: 6:02PM (you mean right now right??)

6. Birthday: August 18

7. Favorite bands/groups: oh god. uh. mariana's trench. also very much recently enjoying some songs from: we the kings, bleachers, all time low, mayday parade, the cab, the click five,

8. Favorite solo artist: taylor swift and just some random disney channel artists. im the worst at expanding my music horizons lmao. also country artists like brett young, chris young, ingrid andress, kane brown, kacey musgraves, catherine mcgrath, luke combs, tyler rich

9. Song stuck in my head: "in case you didn't know" - brett young

10. Last Movie: Rapunzel? i have no idea

11. Last Show: B99? ive not watched shows in ages oop

12. When did I create this blog: july 2012

13. What do I post: taylor swift, nerd stuff, interesting things and just a whole bunch of shit posting. also gay stuff since a few years.

14. Last thing I Googled: a song lyric bc damn this hit home

15. Other blogs: i have twitter?? i couldnt handle more than one twitter

16. Do I get asks: nah but i have like tons of unopened ones im just not answering bc theyre all from like 2014 and i do NOT want to see what kind of child i was back then

17. Why I chose my URL: i was 15. do we know what 15yos think bc i absolutely do not

18. Following: 2,220

19. Followers: 3,961 (to be fair most of them follow me bc taylor swift follows me)

20. Average hours of sleep: 6.5-8 usually. if i sleep more my mental health be dipping.

21. Lucky number: 128

22. Instruments: i used to play acoustic guitar for a while and can still play a few chords i think.

23. What am I wearing: an old zippered hoodie i got on a vacation, a taylor swift reputation shirt, grey joggers and white socks.

24. Dream job: right now it's english teacher but i'd very much love to do something with history

25. Dream trip: japan i think?

26. Favorite food: american meat lover pizza

27. Nationality: dutch

28. Favorite song: "ours" by taylor swift. also planning on getting "people throw rocks at things that shine" tattooed.

29. Last book I read: i think it was Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

30. Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Disney, Harry Potter and then maybe Marvel if only to have the chance of bumping into daisy johnson there bc hot damn im gay

Tagging: im the worst at tagging so feel free to do this

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

[penultimateapogee]

hey dude for the music challenge u should do ALL OF EM

heh heh heh... such was my plan ALL ALONG. i will now use this ask as the place to do it (here’s the post btw)

1. A song that reminds you of your childhood: anything from Fiddler On The Roof (the original Broadway cast recording)... my dad loves Fiddler On The Roof and he used to play it all the time

2. A song to sleep to: heh, anything at 2am. but really New York And Back by Leanne & Naara

3. A song that your best friend loves: oh god, really? cmon i cant just know that...! ummmm mazie and i had a really in depth running conversation about her favorite music about two years ago but im forgetting it all. im PRETTY SURE Venus Ambassador by Bryan Scary & the Shredding Tears was the inspiration for her OC Stuart who we both love and occasionally develop

4. A song that hypes you the fuck up: HEH ANYTHING....! oh my god this is a haaaaard one because of how many options i have!!! but also: Awaken by Riot Games feat. Valerie Broussard, because WHEN THE DEVIL IS KNOCKINGGGGGGGGG... SO ALL YOU RESTLESS

5. A song you like to daydream to: i can only say “heh anything” so many times!! literally i daydream to basically every single song; its foundational to how i consume music. i’ll bring out the real heavy hitter now and say Follow You Down by Zedd feat. Bright Lights. ive got some REAL good daydreams for that one

6. A song that’s on at least 3 of your playlists: *breath in* no just kidding, i do my best to make sure my playlists arent too similar. the day you stop me from putting I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers on every character playlist is the day i die tho

7. A song that you love from a genre you don’t usually like: this should be easy; lemme just flip through my catalog of “songs i bought independent of their albums because i was building an 8tracks playlist in iTunes”... actually no, Planetary (GO!) by My Chemical Romance! i dont usually like whatever subgenre of rock MCR is all that much but this one GOES (fittingly shjfdis)

8. A song that you liked when you where 10 that still slaps: Der Kommissar by Falco. no fucking hesitation. i can thank my fluent-in-german mom for this one

9. A song that makes you want to go on an adventure: Zero by Imagine Dragons! ive daydreamed some poppin’ space adventures to that one

10. A song you’d want to dance with your partner to ( or future partner ): so, so much... NOT Jenny by Studio Killers because i just wanna make out to that one; maybe I Go Crazy by Paul Davis

11. A song to stomp around and pout to: difficult, because when i pout, i pout like grimbark jade, in that i go “actually im better than everyone and you can all smd.” then again, having made that clear, Roman Holiday by Nikki Minaj (shoutout: @floralmarsupial for killing me with that lyricstuck)

12. A song to listen to whilst you lie in a meadow: Folding Chair by Regina Spektor. TOO EASY

13. A song that reflects your views on love: uhhhhh. huh. polyam moments? no songs about polyamory moments? being polyamorous fundamentally affects my views on love in a way im not sure ive ever heard a song capture moments? Hot Air Balloon by Owl City because i’ll be out of my mind, and you’ll be out of ideas pretty soon, so let’s spend the afternoon in a cold hot air balloon

14. A song to sing to the sun: i feel like its probably not the intended spirit of this question, but Coming Over (feat. James Hersey) by Dillon Francis & Kygo. im usually more of a nighttime girl but honestly? call me xoxo

15. A song you like that sounds like its on the soundtrack to an indie coming of age film: ohhhh my gooooddddd literally any fucking Bastille song. any of them. thats like their whole angle and i LIVE for it. im picking Snakes because snakes are biting at my heels, the worries that refuse to let us go; ive been kicking them away and hoping not to let them take control

16. A song that you like that romanticises being a teenager: i would love to say Teen Idle by MARINA for the irony but i cant bring myself to. (ill still link it tho.) real answer is Centuries by Fall Out Boy, because whether or not it actually romanticises being a teen i just feel it yknow

17. A song that makes you want to grab your friends jump up and down dancing and screaming the lyrics: why did they write a question to which the only answer is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? i dont get it. just kidding another acceptable answer is Toxic by Britney Spears (my white is showing im sure)

18. A song that you like that the lyrics are just so beautiful they’re practically poetry: well actually i have such good taste that every song i listen to is poetry. (trying to remember the lyrics i cried to out of nowhere yesterday. oh right it was The Draw by Bastille but most of it doesnt fit the question as much) ANY Hozier song. im linking his fucking artist page because im NOT KIDDING. ANY HOZIER SONG. i toyed with picking a specific song as an “also, it’s this one haha” but no, im dead serious. i cant pick just one

19. A song that you can imagine listening to in an abandoned church ( if it isn’t hozier im judging you, but whatever ): ironic! to pick a specific Hozier song this time (because op is right, he’s the only choice), Talk

20. A song from the soundtrack of a film that you like so much after the film finished you immediately looked for it: hm, i feel like i have done this before, but i cant recall when... well i didnt go “oh fuck bop [blacks out]” but Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. remember Thor: Ragnarok? that was a good movie

21. A song for when the sun has gone down and you are feeling absolutely buck-wild with exhilaration!: Lost In Japan (Remix) by Shawn Mendes & Zedd, because no song hits my city-hotel aesthetic quite like this one does

22. A song that makes you feel like you’re strolling through Ancient Greece living your best life: ancient Greece...! that throws a fun twist in it; Don’t Leave Me (Ne me quitte pas) by Regina Spektor

23. A song that when you listen to it you’re transported to a liminal space, time is pointless and you must sit and wallow in the void that remains: Shots (Broiler Remix) by Imagine Dragons feat. Broiler. i glanced at this question early on and have been sitting on it the whole time. just LISTEN to it

23. A song to listen to on a long drive when you have the really strong urge to keep driving until you find somewhere to start a new life (preferably a europian city whose language you don’t speak): Evelyn by Kim Tillman & Silent Films. it just called to me here

im a little sad that i couldnt put every song ive ever listened to in here so heres some more good ones that i didnt choose: Citrine by Hayley Kiyoko (this is actually a whole EP), Lone Digger by Caravan Palace, Safe And Sound by Capital Cities, Absentee by Jack Campbell, River Flows In You by Yiruma, Instant Crush by Daft Punk, Link by Jim Yosef, Poke Bowl by Radiant Children, Optimistic by cehryl, Quiet by Lights, Superposition by Young the Giant, Far Too Young To Die by Panic! at the Disco, The Good, the Bad and the Dirty also by P!atD, Whatever It Takes by Hollywood Undead, LUNARIA (instrumental) by Chouchou. i know thats easily enough to make your eyes glaze over but mutuals especially it would mean a lot to me if you listened to at least a few of the songs i linked in this post because music means a lot to me and sharing it with other people is one of my favorite things :]

[soaringsearingphoenix]

Increasingly specific song asks: multiples of 5: 5, 10, 15, 20, and 25

5.A song you like to daydream to

There are many but I think it has to be Evening of Roses - Josef Hadar, which i first heard over a post where someone was painting boats on the sea and I had such vivid feelings about it (which i wrote in the tags) that I had to go look up the song, and listened to it on repeat for hours. I dont know what came over me when I saw that video but it hasnt gone away.

10.A song you’d want to dance with your partner to ( or future partner )

The show choir at my high school performed this song, my favorite version being by Dean Martin - Sway. I can’t find an artist singing it as gently as the smooth a capella cover that I first heard it as from backstage, having just performed with the concert choir and now waiting, in uncomfortable heels and uncomfortable dress, to be dismissed to sit down somewhere, but I love it in all its forms. I’m not usually one to fantasize about dancing but I think this one is different because i’ve seen it danced and I would have loved to be out there, and because it gets stuck in my head all the time. I don’t just want to hear it played and dance - I’d want a partner to pass me as i’m nodding and humming it and swaying to myself as I go about little chores, and to stop and offer a hand and sweep me into a dance to match the rhythm in my head. I still love dancing when it’s planned, but I tend to dance around a bit anyways, just in daily life. It’d be lovely to be with someone who wants to join in

15.A song you like that sounds like its on the soundtrack to an indie coming of age film

Gotta go with the first song that came to mind, which is Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root. I think I have heard it im a coming of age film. It played over, like the beginning of a car trip. Maybe it was a family bomding film.

20. A song from the soundtrack of a film that you like so much after the film finished you immediately looked for it

Oh gosh! The first time I heard the song Secrets by OneRepublic was in the tesla coil scene from the movie The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. I was instantly obsessed. I think i actually pulled out a notebook in the dark theater and tried to write down some lyrics so i could find it later. When i found it i bought the song (it’s one of only like 60 songs in my itunes) and listened to it until it lost its significance and then cut it off cold turkey for years so I could miss it and make it matter again. And it worked! It’s nostalgic now. I dont remember much else about the movie! But that song had an impact on me. That scene had an impact on me. Also the lightning room. I wanted a lightning music box room to sit in.

25. There... there is no 25 on that list so if you want you can ask me something about my music taste that isn’t on the list. Ive talked a lot already tho lmao!

Ok i shall add a bonus as a treat. Shortly before writing this I listened to Asleep on the Train by Tom Rosenthal for the first time. It’s nice. I’ve added it to my train songs playlist.

[captaindaddykru]

Author Tags

i was tagged by a few bomb ass people to this tag and since i’m all for peer pressure i gave in @kombellarke @marauders-groupie​ @octannibal-blake​ @arysafics​ @thelittlefanpire​

Fandoms You Write for: i started of writing for camp rock/hannah montana, which was more just an excuse to write jonas brothers fanfiction? i was twelve, give me a break. i’ve written most my stories for glee. other frequent flyers are teen wolf and arrow. wrote a few for greys, pll. right now just the 100 because bellarke has me in their chokehold and i dont have enough room in my heart for anyone else. insert sad emoji. also coincidentally the only fics i feel are actually good sometimes.

Where you post: AO3, older works on FF.net

Most popular one shot: by kudos “we both pretend (but i start where you end)” that has 828. it’s a modern au about bellamy and clarke going from reluctant acquaintances to lovers. in the fic clarke has cancer. one of my bestest friends is obsessed with it, but i hate how unnuanced it is. 

by comments “i would give my life just to hold your hand (i’m your number one fan)” which is actually my most recent fic. its a celeb au and it blew tf up??? im as confused as the next girl. 

Most popular Multi-Chapter: i dont write a lot of ACTUAL multi-chaps so “does it show again (just how much i’ve missed ya)” which is just 2 chapters. it’s loosely based on mamma mia, and i think my favorite fic of my own. 

Favorite story you wrote: i already said mamma mia so i’ll go with “’cause love now is only the pain of needing” which is, again, loosely based on tatbilb. i love twisting well-known movies and books into something that fits bellamy and clarke’s story/stories. i love this one because i’m really far up bellamy’s ass and i in that fic i got to write a sort of love letter to him.

Story you were nervous to post: not per se nervous bc i actually dont give enough farts about what other people think, but fics i prepared for backlash on were “i’m your ride or die” which was a canon brollexa fic and “much too full of resentment” which was a bellarke fic from echo’s pov. yep. yep. 

How do you choose your titles: song lyrics, sporadically poems. i love music and i cant write without a song fitting the theme or mood of the fic.

Do you outline: my best fics are probably the ones i whip out in a eight hour writing blackout without thinking about it. i do outlines as in i write down a few lines i wanna use or what general scenes i want so it’s easier for me to kind of make a ‘to-do list’ out of the scenes to motivate me. 

Complete number of stories: 67 on ao3, 35 of which are the 100.

In progress: LMAO.... k here we go.

* dystopian army fic: 12k words written, don’t know how to end it so i just keep writing more to which at one point youre like nothing makes sense anymore. 

* oth based WIP: one more chapter to write, which i have written about 5% of.

* [censored]: it’s a surprise

*mammia mia: here we go again: a continuation of the mamma mia fic. set in the same verse. just fluffy family stuff? yeah. ive been thinking about it a lot and its just gonna happen at some point.

* a nicholas sparks movie au, ten points if you can guess which one: for bellarke bingo.

* best friend’s older brother, slight age gap, sexual tension kind of thing: for bellarke bingo.

* teacher au: for bellarke bingo :D

* ghost au: for bellarke bingo.......

* THIS TIME TRAVEL AU I UPLOADED ONE PART OF 2 YEARS BACK AND SOMEONE ASKED ME TO CONTINUE IT AND I KIND OF WANT TO? LIKE 2% WRITTEN, BUT PLOT IS THERE.

i am but a mere human who works full time now. but i will try my best.

Do you accept prompts: yeah, but i literally cannot promise anything. if im not inspired its just not gonna happen.

Upcoming story you are most excited about: the nicholas sparks au

i don’t know who to tag because most of my talented writer friends already tagged me and i dont have any other friends on here take pity on me so anyone who wants to do it: tag me because i wanna read your answers<3

[la-knight]

BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage. 

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she��s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.

[ot5]

@tllthesundies HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH!!!🎉💖🌸💞🎂✨💌💖💞💗🎊🎉🍾💗🎂💕💖✨🎊💖🌹🍾🎉💘💕💌🌻❤️✨🌷💞🎉❤️💝🎂💘

so for this special occasion i used my amazing photoshop paint skills to make u this taylourry manip since there’s an unfortunate lack of those:/ they’re baking you three (3) cakes how great is that😫 louis, of course, asked ‘how do you whisk’ all three times and taylor n harry just shared a look and fondly rolled their eyes at him. i like to imagine they were singing along to britney classics and also laughing about how louis’ album and lyrics will shake us to our core bc they live for that drama👀 and cant wait to watch us freak out. of course at some point louis started throwing flour at taylor &harry which ended up in a messy kitchen fight.

thanks for reading my mini taylourry fic excuse the lack of angst i kno you live for that shit but anyways as i was saying, happy birthday bith! i hope u have a great one!! i cant believe you've turned 20 today🤧 you were already settling down at the old age of 19 an now you’re entering the final Grandma stage *kylie jenner dabbing tears.gif* as an og violin i feel blessed to have followed ur journey and  watched you grow up & to have experienced ur crazy crackhead days which i lowkey miss sometimes it was truly a blast with ur shit posts and you saying things that still haunt me in my sleep. since im getting Sentimental™ you know what else i miss in this chilis today? you getting asks & Interacting on here bc i recall thats what started my soft spot for u. you’re [louis voice] genuinely Genuinely one of the sweetest people ive seen on here like everytime you called someone crouton or replied with a row of heart emoji’s my heart grew 10 sizes bigger💗💗 i hate that my memory is shit and there’s no blog/archive anymore(rip in pieces we’ll get to that later) that i can search thru for those Receipts but i know not one (1) mean word has ever left your mouth, or keybord in this case, those are the Facts #confirmed by me! even back in the day when i was blissfully unaware of any drama and this hellsite was just a happy place u still stood out to me bc when you answered asks or whatever you were just so nice! kind! and sweet! and funny too i feel like u raised me on memes (i also appreciate that u tolerate me w my crusty sense of humor and memes from 2013) and tbh when i saw you were younger than me i was Shook bc you felt like an older sister to me with wise words and just this calm&kind presence on tumblr dot com where everyone always takes offense u were idk the word..... rational/nuanced/patient/understanding? ive thought it many times before but if everyone here were a bit more like you this place would be a nice valley filled with blossoming flowers sawying in a gentle breeze on a warm spring day🌻🌷🌸 (i know u prefer fall so u can represent a Quality Leaf too if u want and i’ll ship you w niall #neaf) anyway as my melancholic ass was saying, i sometimes miss @harryandlouisofficial /harryandlouisau? idk you’ve had your fair share of changes(as i was searching through my own blog for a certain pic i came across some deactivated urls that i think were yours lsdknvds) but that harryandlouis brand™ was truly You and just such a familiarity on my dash and tbh if i come across any blogs that start w harryandlouis im always side eyeing them for that copyright infringement of intellectual property. Even before we really started talking i already felt like i knew you bc you were always....out there...talking, yellin n sprouting bullshit which was [me as that gif of pam from the office tearing up] beautiful😫 like i didnt even know about the existence of the vampire diaries but u were practically screaming about it on a daily basis and lowkey got me to crush on nina dobrev bc of it also ur love for tom odell, soup, domestic hl, Angst, the midnight memories album, that purple suit harry wore to the late late show, birdy, those literature ppl whose names im not even gonna bother with, and of course taylourry & how do you whisk, they’re all filed under ‘Things That Belong To Violet’ and i kno yelling about thing or reblogging ask memes or doing those tag things doesnt go with ur Brand but i wish it did bc there’s so much i wanna know or ask or just see what you think about things👀 u could make a post saying ‘potato’ and eventho id disagree id still be over here giving a standing ovation

this is getting long im so sorry snlkdfnsld i was going somewhere but im kinda losing the plot. So anyhow the point was that ur an angel! and idk also intimidating to me back in the day? ive sent my fair share of anons (nice ones of course nskldnsf) and i vaguely rmr asking for advice a few times too and you were always so kind n wonderful🤧 and then one day i sent smth nice off anon and you followed me back even with the ugly ass url i had back then lfnvslknsd bless you and now here we are:) so i love getting sentimental and reminiscing about the old days but also know that i admire u for jus deleting and starting afresh! kween of rebranding!👏👏 and this tiddiesundays era feels like ur a professional business woman or maybe more like a professional writer who has that clean & calm aesthetic down to a T and i might’ve turned notifs on so i wont miss that one quality (1) post per day sdlknlksdn i love showing my Love thru liking and rb’ing a lot so you make it hard on me sometimes(rmr when we were each other biggest fans? good times😫) but jus kno my heart’s still beating the same yes thats a sad attempt at a oial ref bc that is also filed under the things that belong to u. i dont wanna like, overwhelm? you bc im sometimes afraid ill b too much but know that im always out here rooting for u &hoping that ur doing great bc this bitch has a lot of love and adoration for u!!💗 i know some v sweet people on here but you are just.....on another level like just your presence here clears my skin and puts a big smile on my face esp when u drag me or vice versa for having certain Opinons (like the 1d album or song discourse) dont @ me but ur truly one of my favorite people. One day when you give me the go ahead im gonna send you that card/letter and i’ll get even sappier (yes thats possible!) i was gonna wish you a sunny day but for some reason u love rain so...i hope it rains:’) or else you can move your ass over here so at least one of us can appreciate the dutch weather also i would toast to you but i think ur still not legally allowed to drink which is also a reason to get ur ass over here bc i feel like you’d be a blast to get drunk with (also shout out to you for indulging me in my wine aunt moments u were truly there for me when no one else was🤧came thru with lyrics to tmh bops faster than lightning ill never forget that!) so to conclude this Essay i lov u & hope u have an amazing birthday *serenades you with tom odell songs*💗💕💖💘💗💕💖💝💗💞💘💕💞💖💕💗💝💖💘💞💕💗

[apeironaxiomaton]

For the three songs ask: 1, 6, 14? :)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

“Alright” - Kendrick Lamar

“Circular Karate Chop” - They Might Be Giants 

“Thank You Girl” - The Beatles

(all of these are great songs, but none of them cohere with each other in any way whatsoever)

6. three songs you wish you could erase from history (because they’re terrible): 

I have especial hate for Wiz Khalifa’s “See You Again” because I was working in the kitchen of a chik-fil-a during its 2015 predominance where it would come on the radio all the time. I remain convinced Charlie Puth’s maudlin nasal whine of a hook must have been scientifically engineered in an “Experiment IV”-style search for a sound that could kill, one that only succeeded in devising a sound that could irritate. 

The worst thing about the worst Mormon hymn, which is “Choose the Right,” is the simplistic “plink-plink-plonk-plinky-plinky-plinky-plink-plonk” that is its sole melodic element. What makes it infuriating to listen to also makes it simplistic to play and if you’ve only got beginning pianists to play your accompaniment, as most Mormon high school age seminary classes do, you get to hear this basic tune ad infinitum. Add a lyric that is just as shallow in its contemplation of morality and ethics (how is this spiritual discernment and wisdom supposed to actually work beyond just existing? how do we choose in ethical situations that aren’t dichotomies?) and you’ve got a hymn that’s the spiritual equivalent of chewing gum.   

Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA (Proud to Be an American)” is a song I blissfully forget about until it’s resuscitated every July and I’m reminded of how much there is to hate about it (I’m also surprised to only learn now that it was written a decade and a half before the post-9/11 wave of reactionary patriotism, because everything about it is so attuned to that exact cultural moment). The jingoistic lyrics that conflate an undefined freedom with military imperialism? The way the chorus only exists to lay out a welcome mat for the bouncy yelp of “and so i StaND UP!”? The way-out-of-its-range, coked-out rockstar rasp the song is always performed with? it’s all so eminently hatable.     

14. three songs you want at your wedding

if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you know there is not a single music-related ask I’ve answered that does not somehow involve Talking Heads’ “This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody).” My position on it is well-documented: it’s my favorite song! it absolutely and entirely melts me! it is #relationshipgoals! david byrne is a wizard who has somehow alchemically bottled reciprocated romantic love, an emotion I’ve never had any occasion to experience, into four minutes and fifty-seven seconds of replayable audio! what more can I say?

I was at my cousin’s wedding earlier this summer and another cousin, who was handling dj duties for the ceremony, joked during the rehearsal about replacing the folk-pop song that had been chosen as the processional with some edm. which got everyone thinking about what a good entrance into a wedding song would be and I instantly thought of the gentle electronic hum of Brian Eno’s Another Green World LP and specifically the glacially gracious instrumental “The Big Ship”. it was the best answer. 

also, kate bush’s love and anger is powerful, grandiose, theatrical, and world-embracing and because of those qualities it feels fitting for this sort of occasion.