#james t. kirk x reader

[gallavichsreddie1128]

The Other Side (Mirror! Spock)

Description: Y/N ends up in the mirror verse with Kirk, Bones and Uhura but she’s in for a surprise.

Warning: Smut

Word Count: 1,656

Y/N looks around as they beam aboard the ship. Something wasn’t right and that something was Spock. He had a gotye and was wearing a different uniform. She looked down and saw a different uniform on her but that couldn’t be possible. She never changed. This uniform was more revealing. She looked at Bones, Kirk and Nyota to see that they also had on different uniforms. Strange. Spock had walked up to them well her, and stopped.

She stared at him waiting for his words, “Welcome back, Wife.” Wife? She and Spock weren’t married. Sure she had a huge crush on him but she wasn’t sure if the feeling was reciprocated. Before she could say anything he kissed her. Her eyes widened but she slowly kissed him back. The others stared at the two in shock. Spock would never show PDA. They broke from the kiss and she stared at him with wide eyes. The kiss wasn’t bad.

He backed away and greeted the captain leaving her in her head. She touched her lips where the kiss was placed just moments ago from shock. The others left the room so she followed until she was stopped by Spock. “Are you well? Should we go to our quarters?” She didn’t know what to say. “I-I’m well, Husband. Just tired is all.” She said, hoping that he didn’t sense her lie. He nodded, “Very well then. You head to our quarters and I will be there after I discuss something with the Captain.” She nods and heads out the door to find the others. “Y/L/N.” She hears and turns to see Bones. Oh thank god, she thinks.

She runs to him and sees Kirk and Nyota as well. “What is going on?” She questions. “It appears that we are in a different universe. One where you and Spock are married.” “One where we are evil as well.” Y/N looks at her feet. So her and Spock were meant to be? “You have one role and that is to play the part but don’t get too attached. We still have to find our way back to our universe.” Kirk warns her.

Spock’s hands were placed on her hips as they made out in his chair. Her brain was screaming in confusion but it all felt so nice. Spock was never one for PDA or at least it seemed and yet this Spock had taken her on the table and the bridge and now in the cafeteria area. She felt fucked out but it was everything she’s ever wanted. Nobody dared to walk in on them. Not after Spock threatened every single person that had

. She sighed into the kiss as she felt one of his hands move under her skirt. “My my you are gorgeous, my wife.” She moaned softly as his fingers brushed against her clit. “Fuck.” She whispered as he began rubbing it. His hands felt amazing on her, almost as good as his dick. She placed her head in his neck to hide her moans but he pulled her head out of his neck. “None of that. I want everyone to hear how good I’m making you feel.” If she wasn’t on cloud nine right now, she would question his intentions.

She threw her head back and moaned his name which caused him to pin her to the table, “You’re not my wife.” He growled and her eyes widened. He performed a mind meld on her to see who she was and was quite pleased with what he came across. “You are not married to Spock in your universe but you have some pretty naughty thoughts about him.” Her face was red as he exposed her. His hand traveled down her body and cupped her breasts, “I guess I can give you what he hasn’t.” He said and yanked down her panties.

Even though he’s already fucked her 5 different times there was something about her that he enjoyed. Maybe it was the innocence that his wife lacked. She seemed shocked by all the things they do there and what he has done to her. “Have you enjoyed fucking the man of your dreams?” He asked as his fingers toyed with her clit. She nodded and moaned.

He swirled a finger around her hole that was dripping with slick. She was still so wet even though she’s been fucked 5 times today. “You have amazing stamina for a human.” He says as he slides a finger inside of her. “I’ve just always wanted you, Spock.” She whines and oh she was so needy. Needy for him. “I shall give to you what he hasn’t.” That was a promise. His finger pumped in and out of her at a fast pace. He watched her face that showed she felt like she was in heaven. Her jaw was dropped and her eyes closed.

Sweet and pretty moans fell from her lips as he finger fucked her. He added another finger and she nearly screamed. It all felt so good and worth it. “Spock, I need your cock please.” She begged and he almost smirked. “Patience, wife.” He told her and curled his fingers to hit her sweet spot. She screamed and whined so much that he had to place his other hand over her mouth. “You my dear are incredible, so beautiful.” He tells her as he kisses her neck. Her pussy began clinching on his fingers and he could tell she was close.

Her hands gripped the table with all her might and she screamed into his hand as she came all over his fingers. He let her ride out her orgasm before removing his fingers. He looked at his fingers that were covered in her slick. “You cum a lot harder than she does.” Y/N was too dazed to focus on that comment. He placed his fingers on her lips and she opened her mouth. She sucked the slick off his fingers and he moaned at the feeling.

His dick was hard against his pants. He removed his fingers from her mouth and undid his pants. She looked at him with parted lips and pupils blown. His dick sprung up against his stomach tummy. She looked down at his dick and sighed. It was beautiful and nothing like she had ever seen. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her to the end of the table. “I wanna ride you.” She told him. Her voice is small and needy. He smirked and sat back down in the chair.

She got up off the table and climbed in his lap. His hands instantly grabbed her hips to stable her as she took him inside of her. She let out a big breath at the feeling of him stretching her. He looked up at her as she took him in slowly. “5 times and you have yet to adjust to my size.” He comments. “You're really big.” She tells him and sighs. He wanted to slam her onto him but decided against it. There was something about her that made him want to be good.

Once she was fully sat on him, she placed her hands on his shoulders and began moving. Her eyes closed as she enjoyed the feeling of him. His eyes never leaving her fucked out face. “Fuck, Spock.” She whined. “Your Spock is illogical for not having you like this. Like you deserve.” He said and his hands moved to cup her ass and drag her on his dick. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her hand in his neck. Her moans were all he could hear.

He didn’t mind either. Her moans were hot and sexy. “If I could have you all the time. I would.” He said in her ear and she gasped. The words he was saying pushed her closer to the edge. “Fuck I’m close.” She whined and he moved to kiss her already bruised neck. “I need you to cum for me, baby.” He groans as her pussy squeezes him. “Please.” She begged but didn’t know what for.

The chair was squeaking with her thrusts and even though he was afraid it would break, this moment was too good to end. “Spock, I’m so close, baby.” She whined in his ear. He placed his fingers to her head in a mind meld and she nearly screamed at the pleasure.

She was feeling his too and the band snapped and she came all over him with a scream of his name. He followed shortly after with a whimper. She stared at him as she helped him ride out his orgasm. “You’re so beautiful.” He tells her which made her smile. She wished that she could stay with him but the captain would never allow it. 

Y/N kissed him one last time before getting on the transporter. Kirk was trying to get him to be good and no longer evil and he made eye contact with Y/N and said he would consider it. Y/N gave him a small smile before being transported to her universe.

Spock was there but it wasn’t the Spock that just fucked her 6 times. It was her Spock as the other called it. She stepped off the transporter and went to the bridge. She was happy to be back but sad that she didn’t have Spock. Spock came up to her and she looked at him. He stared ahead at the screen.

“It appears that we are married in the mirrorverse.” The Mirrorverse that’s what it was called. She nodded, “Yeah I guess so. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.” She said and he looked at her. “It does not.” He tells her and she gives him a small smile. It happened so fast but he leaned in and kissed her. She was too surprised to kiss him back but once they pulled away she smiled. Maybe she did have Spock after all.

[perseephoneee]

𐦍｡ 🎀 𝐹𝐼𝒞𝑀𝒜𝒮 2024 🎀 ｡𐦍

↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2023

yeyeyeye i'm so excited to be doing this a second year in a row <3 especially since there are now 300+ more of you than last year (absolute insanity btw). lets get this nondenominational celebration started!!

bonus: i'm going to try and include a short playlist with every story :) lets get these vibes rolling

DAY 1 Frostbite | Steve Rogers (eta. dec 1)

DAY 2 Caroling | Elijah Mikaelson (eta. dec 3)

DAY 3 Cabin Fever | Dean Winchester (eta. dec 5)

DAY 4 Mistletoe | Loki Laufeyson (eta. dec 7)

DAY 5 Decorating the Tree | JJ Maybank (eta. dec 9)

DAY 6 Christmas Tree Farm | James T. Kirk (eta. dec 11)

DAY 7 Ice Skating | Isaac Lahey (eta. dec 13)

DAY 8 Sleigh Ride | Castiel (eta. dec 15)

DAY 9 Hot Cocoa | Dean Winchester (eta. dec 17)

DAY 10 Snow Chase | Klaus Mikaelson (eta. dec 19)

DAY 11 Starlight | Peter Parker (eta. dec 20)

DAY 12 Secret Santa | Stiles Stilinski (eta. dec 21)

DAY 13 Sugar and Spice | Bucky Barnes (eta. dec 22)

DAY 14 Winter Ball | Kol Mikaelson (eta. dec 23)

DAY 15 Scarf | Isaac Lahey (eta. dec 24)

｡ TAGGING MUTUALS @mayfieldss @wholoveseggs @allthegoodbobdylanlyricsaretaken @muffinbeliever @bonesnplywood @foxherder @artyandink @fitzs-trained-monkey @wickedlyemma

[captainsophiestark]

Irregular Heartbeat

Bones McCoy x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober, and for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Star Trek

Day Eighteen Prompt: "You always have a plan."

Summary: Bones's SO has a Valentine's Day surprise planned for him that's fit for the CMO of the Enterprise.

Word Count: 1,295

Category: Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Jim!"

My best friend, Jim Kirk, whirled around at the sound of my voice, one eyebrow raised. He was incredibly used to me and my shenanigans, so he didn't even look phased as I charged towards him while he waited for the machine to fill his cup with caf.

"I need you to distract Bones for, like, half an hour. Preferably today. And within the next hour," I said, only slightly breathless as I reached him.

"So... you want me to go distract Bones as soon as I get my caf?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Jim grinned at me. "You know I'm in. But care to tell me why?"

"I've got a Valentine's Day suprirse I want to put together for him. It's the first time we've been a couple for the holiday, and I want to do something special."

"And I take it you already have a plan?" I gave Jim a withering look and he just laughed. "Of course. You always have a plan."

"Damn right I do. Now come on, take that caf to go and get out of here. I've got things to do today."

"Alright, alright, I'm going. But next time you pull me away from a rare break to help you with something, it better be for a prank. Not a date."

I grinned. "I think I can commit to that deal."

Jim smirked back at me, then raised his cup of caf in mock salute as he strode out of the cafeteria, off to distract Bones. I paused, letting him get a little bit ahead of me so there was no chance of running into him or my boyfriend on their way out of medical, then quickly made my way through the familiar hallways of the Enterprise.

Luckily for me, when I made it to sickbay (after one brief stop in my quarters), it was almost completely empty. Jim must've been doing as I'd asked in getting Bones out of here, and now, I had exactly the window I needed to pull off my Valentine's Day surprise.

I made my way to one of the heart rate monitors and popped open the back panel, then got to work breaking it the way I wanted to break it. Althought Starfleet Engineering hadn't covered exactly this kind of change to equipment on a starship, it had been a thorough enough course that I had the skills regardless.

Once I finished, I tested my handiwork, then grinned and made everything look like it had before I'd showed up. Finally, I snuck the bouquet of fresh roses I'd managed to secure on our last shore leave out of my bag, tucking them behind the pillows of the bed. I paused to take one last look at my setup, then took off out of sickbay with a grin. Not a moment later, I heard Jim's voice echoing loudly down the corridor, clearly trying to give me a heads up about his return with Bones.

I hid around the corner while Bones and Jim said their goodbyes, then waited for Jim's footsteps to fade in the opposite direction before turning the corner and reentering sickbay.

"Hey," I said, a small smile on my face as I found Bones just outside his office. "Happy Valentine's Day."

He'd had a slight frown on his face when he'd first turned around, but it dissolved the moment he saw me.

"Hey yourself. Happy Valentine's Day." He took a few steps closer to me, a faint smile growing on his face as he approached. "What brings you in? I wasn't expecting to get to see you until tonight."

"Actually... I'm feeling a little rough. I was hoping you could check me out."

Bones narrowed his eyes. "...Is this a bad pickup line?"

"What? No!"

He held up his hands in surrender, then gently stepped forward and took my elbow.

"Alright. Valentine's Day and all, I had to check. Let's get you on a bed."

"And you're talking to me about bad pickup lines?"

Bones snorted, and I grinned. I didn't wait for him to direct me to a bed, and instead I headed straight for the one I'd just finished modifying. Bones didn't even bat an eye at my decision, instead following me over and carefully getting me hooked up to the various monitoring machines.

"Do you want to tell me about your symptoms?" he asked as he worked. I sighed.

"I don't know, I just haven't been feeling well. A little lighthearted, a little fluttering in my chest."

I expected Bones to make another bad pickup line comment, but clearly, he'd switched into doctor mode. He just hummed as he continued to work.

"And what's been your food and water to caffeine ratio so far today?"

I grunted. "Food, water, and no caffeine so far, thank you very much."

Bones just gave me a look, which I couldn't really argue. Too much caffeine and not enough other, better fuel had been the cause of me not feeling good before, and we both knew it.

"Well, let's see what we can see here, hm?"

I barely managed to fight back a giddy smile as Bones turned to look at the monitor read out, including the heart rate monitor. What he found, instead of the normally reading beeping line, was the green line tracing the shape of a (non-anatomical) heart. I snuck my hand behind my pillow to retrieve the roses while Bones blinked at the display in shock.

"My god... what is..." He glanced from the monitor to me, then got halfway through turning back to the monitor before stopping to stay on me and my roses. His wide eyes and slightly-open mouth were instantly replaced with a squint and a frown. "What did you do to this monitor?"

"I made it cute for Valentine's Day!" I replied. I held out the roses to him, but before I could get through another word, he'd crossed his arms and fixed me with a glare.

"I thought something was seriously wrong, either with you or with my highly-sophisticated medical equipment, which is essential to the health and safety of this crew. What if we'd had an emergency situaiton before you could fix this, or even tell me about it?"

I sighed.

"I hear you, baby, but come on. I made sure the odds of that were crazy low, it's one monitor, and I made the whole thing easy to fix."

"Easy enough that a non-engineer who didn't know the machine had been tampered with could fix it?"

"Yes."

Bones raised an eyebrow, so I sighed, and used my free hand to give the machine a nice hard whack. Theoretically, the same one a stressed and confused medical professional would give it in the heat of the moment.

It beeped, then the readout changed back to the normal, boring heart monitor readout. I turned back to Bones with a look.

He sighed. "Fine. But you still scared me when I saw that coming up as a readout of your heart beat."

"Just take the roses and get M'benga to cover the end of your shift. This is just the first Valentine's surprise of the day."

Despite himself, a smile clawed its way onto my boyfriend's face. I grinned back at him. I knew he couldn't hold out here much longer.

"Alright, fine," he said, taking the roses out of my hand and leaning in to give me a kiss. I leaned up and into it, bringing one hand up to rest at the nape of his neck. After a long, sweet moment, he pulled back. "I'm all yours until dinner tonight."

"What happens at dinner tonight?"

"Then it's my turn to take over with the Valentine's planning. I put together a nice dinner for the both of us, and as a bonus, it won't give either of us a heart attack."

I laughed and leaned up to kiss him again.

"Sounds perfect to me."

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

[ensignsimp]

Sleepy Snuggles TOS Kirk, Spock, McCoy HCs:

A/N: It was almost time for bed when I sat down to write this.

A/N+: I was so happy to find that this one had survived!

Prompt: It's been a long day, you and the rest of the away team have just returned from a mission.

James T. Kirk

GIF by spacewizardtrek

Taking You to Bed

After returning Kirk gives everyone strict orders to return to their quarters.

He notices you wobble a little bit before having to lean in a doorway before nearly collapsing.

He quickly and quietly sneaks up behind you and scoops you up in his arms.

"No falling behind (rank)(L/N)." He winks

He doesn't realize that he's taking you back to his quarters.

He puts you down on the bed and starts removing his uniform. He kindly tosses you a pair of spare pajamas to wear.

He's too tired to think of the consequences when crawls into bed next to you.

He wraps an arm around you spooning you gently.

He's so big it's hard to wiggle away from him but the weight feels nice.

He even nuzzles your hair and murmurs softly, it's just too cute.

Taking Him to Bed

When Kirk orders everyone to bed you notice he's having a hard time staying up himself.

He stumbles a little bit when stepping off the transporter and you have to catch him by the hand.

You carefully wrap an arm around your shoulders and help him to his quarters.

"Thank you (rank)(L/N), you're too good to me." He says giving you a sleepy smile.

You take him back to his quarters stumbling slightly due to his size.

When you get him back you try to gently lower him into the bed but he just falls in pulling you with him.

Eventually, you wiggle out of his grasp and help him change his clothes. He whines, begging you to stay.

You can't help but feel a little sorry for him and decide to change into a borrowed pair of pajamas.

You barely have your clothes on when he pulls you back into bed with him.

He rests his head on your chest and wraps his arms around your waist.

Spock

GIF by groovyqueer

Taking You to Bed

It is so obvious that you are exhausted that even Spock notices.

You protest trying to prove that you're not tired when you trip over your own feet.

Spock catches you in his arms, and in one fell swoop he picks you up in his arms. You quickly wrap your arms around his neck.

"It is all too apparent that you are exhausted (rank)(L/N). I shall escort you to your quarters myself." You could have sworn you saw a smirk.

When your hold slips, he takes it as a sign of further exhaustion. So instead he takes you to his quarters.

It is only logical with his quarters being closer.

His room is far more decorated than you expected. When he sets you on the bed he even removes your shoes and tucks you in.

He sits across from you to make sure you fall asleep.

He may even pull out his harp or read poetry as to ensure you fall asleep faster.

Taking Him to Bed

He let out one of the largest most discrete yawns you had ever seen.

You were almost tempted to ask if he was alright when you noticed the bags under his eyes.

You wrap his arm around your shoulder and insist that he get some sleep before you get Dr. McCoy involved.

"It is illogical for me to continue while I am tired. Can you assist me to my quarters (rank)(L/N)?" You can see a light tint of green brush his cheeks.

You try to take him back to his quarters, but he stumbles a bit and due to his strength you struggle to keep up.

You eventually get him to his quarters by now he's mumbling things that you can't quite make out. (Partly because it's mostly Vulcan.)

When you get him into bed and help him out of his uniform and into his pajamas. He suddenly gets quiet and stares at you.

His eyes are soft and his gaze is sad, almost longing.

He holds his hand out to you as you lower him into bed and pull the covers over him.

His fingers graze your cheek and he whispers something unintelligible in Vulcan. You smile as you take his hand and place it on his chest.

Dr. Leonard McCoy

GIF by garnetshell

Taking You to Bed

Dr. McCoy wastes no time and gives everyone strict orders for bed rest.

He notices you are struggling to pick yourself up after stumbling.

He even lets out an annoyed groan before wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pick you up.

"Come on Doctor's orders, don't make me drag you there." He says

He takes a while to drag you to sick bay. He convinces himself it was just a precaution to make sure you don't have anything else wrong.

He puts you into bed and orders the others to leave the two of you alone.

He's too tired to try and return to his quarters so he takes a bed next to yours.

You're fast asleep by the time he sits down in his own bed. He watches you for a moment wondering what it would be like to snuggle with you.

He shakes the thought from his mind until he feels you grab the back of his shirt. (You're worse than Kirk.)

He tucks you back into place before gently patting your head. He's a doctor, not a teddy bear. (Though he would love to be your teddy bear.)

Taking Him to Bed

He may be a doctor but he is also a hypocrite, even though he orders everyone to bed he insists he's fine.

When he almost falls off the transporter you have to catch him and wrap an arm under him to keep him steady.

He protests slightly but eventually gives up when realizes you're stronger than him.

"Fine, this is ridiculous I'm a doctor, not a baby!" He grumbles

It's almost kind of sweet how he tries to drunkenly tell you how he can take care of himself as you drag him to the sickbay.

It is safer to take him to the sickbay that way other doctors and nurses can keep an eye on him. He tries to protest yet again but he gives up.

You finally get him into a bed and help him out of his uniform and into a pair of spare pajamas.

He gets really quiet when he sees you helping him and not teasing him like Spock or Kirk would.

He knows he'll hear it tomorrow though.

Once you have him tucked in he reaches out to try and touch you but he holds himself back. You notice and decide to give him a peck on the forehead.

[multi-fandomedfreak]

Star Trek TOS // Dating Headcanons

Authors note: I just loveee Jim and Spock in TOS they’re just so baby girl

(also guess who’s back 😏)

Pairings: Spock x reader, Jim x reader

⚠️Warnings⚠️: None

—————————————————————

🖖Spock 🖖

-Love languages are touch and words of affirmation [CHANGE MY MIND]

-He would looove to hear you compliment him any time of the day

-Most definitely melts at your touch and it's obvious

-bro legit sucks at hiding it, tbh it’s kind of adorable lol

-Oh especially when you oh so barely touch his hands or his ears, like your ghosting over them, and he's putty in your hands lol

-He can’t handle anyone else touching him tho

-Will. Not. Leave you alone

-I’m being dead serious

-Like sure he may look like he enjoys his solitude more than the average person

-But he loves to be around the people he loves most

-Even if he’s not directly interacting with them, he just likes being in the same room

-If you’re just reading together on the couch in silence together?? Bros enjoying every bit of it

-AND IF YOU OCCASIONALLY TOUCH HIS HAND EVERY NOW AGAIN??

-His face is probably a bright green shade the whole time

-I will die on the hill that Spock loves being touchy with people he deeply trusts and loves

💖 Jim 💖

-AHWKDNFBA PREPARE FOR AFFECTION

-Will kiss you no matter where you are (that’s a threat)

-Well unless you don’t like excess pda ofc, he respects your boundaries

-Pretty sure he’ll fight whoever doesn’t

-AFFECTIONATE TOUCHES ALL THE TIME

-Walking together? He’s holding your hand

-Sitting next to each other? Either an arm wrapped around your shoulders or a hand on your thigh/knee

-He’s guiding you somewhere? A hand on your lower back

-Hotel? Trivago.

-Shoulder Grip™️ almost every day

-Mostly cuz that’s how’s he likes to pull you in for a kiss

-Loves and I mean LOVES leaving small love bites on you, especially on places only he can see. It makes it feel more intimate to him

-If you ever bandage him up after he’s hurt, he insists that you kiss where it hurts (according to him it instantly heals it)

-Also asks Bones to back him up on that

(Spoiler: he doesn’t)

-This man gives the best hugs, they’re literally so warm and cozy and I will die on that hill

[sprite-writes]

failed romantics

Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader (original female character)

Summary: Secrets can’t be kept forever, and what better time to reveal them than the Enterprise night shift.

Word Count: 5,902

A/N: yay another chapter!! I have been so excited to write this one since I started this series, I hope you all like it. As always very special thanks to @lightning-writes without them these chapters would literally never get finished LOL immediately after finishing this plz go check out their bucky series; good heart (faulty machine of a man) it kills me in the best way. anyways, thank you for reading plz like + comment if you enjoyed :)

Leonard can only barely make out Kirk’s face under the dim bulb, but he is pissed enough that Jim’s mug is the last thing he wants to see. The music is loud, so goddamn loud , loud enough that the whiskey did nothing for his headache. 

“This is not what I had in mind when you said you knew a place,” he yells over the music, staring down the side of Kirk's face. 

“What?” the captain calls back, still oblivious to Leonard's scowl. Kirk is absent, completely distracted by the crowd, more specifically the women . His gaze filters from person to person as they pass by the table, a dumb smile on his face the entire time. If steam could come out of Leonard’s ears, it would. 

“I said this isn't what I had in mind for tonight.” He reaches across the table and firmly flicks his friend’s temple. 

“Hey! What's your problem?” Kirk whines. Leonard is satisfied to have gotten his attention—finally. 

“You said you knew a nice place– you said it was a bar!” 

“Yeah and? This is both of those things!” 

“This is a goddamned petri dish!” 

It is. Leonard has refused to even allow his bare skin to touch the tabletop, weary of the unknown sticky substances covering it. There are so many bodies— human and otherwise— packed into the space, it's suffocating, and certainly a fire hazard. It's gross, downright unsanitary, and fucking loud.  

“You’re dramatic, Bones, it's nice enough. Loosen up! Maybe try to meet somebody. We’re only in Yorktown for a day, y’know?” 

Tipsy Kirk is a fucking idiot. 

Leonard recoils at the idea. The captain has gained this…habit lately. This advice-giving habit where he tells Leonard to relax, to get out there, to get laid, and every time it passes through Kirk's lips, Leonard becomes nauseous. He abhors this subject, he really does. The only thing he hates talking about more than his dating life is why he doesn’t have one. Sure, he hasn't had much of one since the divorce anyway, but whatever he did have quickly reduced to nothing after meeting Sunshine. He feels so childish even mulling his thoughts over, and how it feels pointless to consider any other woman interesting since he has already met Sunshine, who is the most interesting. Interesting and pretty. Interesting and pretty and kind. He shakes his head before he starts down his mental list (again). Somedays, it feels like his feelings will swallow him whole. It has been so long since he felt it, the wanting . Wanting to talk to her all the time, or hold her hand, or just be around her. It all makes him feel so juvenile, like he’s a lovesick teenager. She makes him feel like a lovesick teenager. It is the single most frustrating thing he’d ever experienced.

“I don't wanna associate with anyone who willingly steps foot inside this shithole,” he snaps, “C’mon man, let's go.” Kirk protests, of course, even more so as Leonard grabs him by the ear and pulls him up from the chair. He tells himself he’s doing Kirk a favor, that the last thing he needs is a hookup— that he’s certainly not taking out his frustrations on his friend. 

The pair weave through the bodies, with Kirk stumbling after his friend and out the door. The cool breeze hits them like a breath of fresh air, and Leonard takes it in. Kirk, on the other hand, furiously rubs his reddened ear. 

“What the hell was that for? Are you out to get me tonight?” 

Leonard feels a quick pang of sympathy, regretting lashing out. 

“Look, I’m sorry, but that place had me sweating like a damn sinner in church, there’s other bars, and it's getting late anyways–”

Kirk would usually push it, and Leonard could tell he wants to, which makes him all the more thankful he doesn’t.  

“Fine, fine, whatever but we are drinking when we get back to the ship,” he settles, leading the way home. 

Yorktown is cold and downright industrial. Leonard hates it. He would usually be thankful for a pit stop if it means he can feel non-artificial gravity, but, between the dirty club and Kirk’s antagonizing, he’s ready to be spacebound again. Both the Enterprise and the USS Endeavor are in Yorktown for the night, in the process of a personnel transfer. The streets are crawling with Starfleet members.

They walk in silence for most of the way, observing the larger-than-life city and the star crafts buzzing overhead. Leonard would be lying if he said he doesn’t feel a bit empty.  Perhaps the low-lit, music-blaring monstrosity would have felt more tolerable if a certain lieutenant was with him and not stuck with the enterprise night crew. 

“You know, I wouldn’t have even known that place existed if it wasn’t for Sunny,” Kirk laughs. Leonard scrunches his nose. 

“She recommended that barnyard?” he scoffs. 

“Oh god no, she told me to stay away from it. Said it was the grimiest place on this side of the universe. I just thought it sounded like a good time, y’know?” 

Leonard stares, really stares, and wonders why he keeps expecting better of Kirk. 

“You’re an idiot, and an ass. The woman gives you stellar advice, and you ignore it, and stick her with the skeleton crew.” 

Kirk stops so abruptly, that Leonard stumbles over him. 

“ I didn’t put her on the skeleton crew, she requested to be. You think I would make her work more than she already does? I’m not a tyrant, Bones.” 

What?  

“What?” Leonard says out loud. “Why would she ask to be holed up on the enterprise all leave?” 

“I mean, I would too if the alternative was running into my ex and all his coworkers.” 

Kirk laughs, Leonard’s head spins. 

“Her ex?” 

“Yeah her— she didn’t tell you any of this?” 

“She said she wanted Jameson to oversee the transfer, give him more experience or something, so you put her on his night shift.” 

“No? She wanted Jameson to do it because she used to be engaged to the Endeavors head of security.” 

Leonard blinks. And blinks again. 

“Dude, I don’t even know how to change the schedule,” Kirk adds. 

 Suddenly, despite talking to her everyday for close to a year, she feels unfamiliar. Engaged? He can hardly imagine it, nor does he want to. Pictures of Sunshine flash through his mind, and he clenches his fist. 

“Didn’t know she had been engaged,” he feigns a casual tone.

Kirk furrows his brows. 

“ You didn’t know? You of all people?” Leonard shrugs, as his stomach forms a knot. “She tells you everything, and she’s never mentioned Ryder?”

“Christ, his name is Ryder ?”

“I know! Douchebag name, right?” 

He doesn’t respond for a beat, which turns into several beats. The gears in his head turn and turn. Engaged . He doesn’t understand why the idea eats at him. He himself had been married for years. So what if she was engaged? There is no reason for him to be upset that his friend—a coworker–had an ex. 

He feels nauseous. 

Kirk clears his throat, derailing Leonard's train of thought.

“You’re right, it’s late, we should head back,” he says, offering a reassuring smile. Leonard follows him, hands in his pockets.

“Do y’know what happened?” he asks finally. Kirk casts him a sideways glance.

“What, between them? Not a clue,” Kirk says with sincerity enough for Leonard to believe it. “She wasn’t really keen on discussing it.” He pauses and looks at the ground as they walk. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it though, Bones, I think everyone sees she’s only really got eyes for one person these days.” 

“Don't start, Jim,” Leonard warns hotly, clenching his jaw. 

“Start what? I’m not starting anything. I’m just laying out the facts.” Jim hiccups. “She adores you, man, like adores -”

“Sunshine ‘adores’ everyone she meets. We’re friends—good friends, but that's all.” His patience shrinks as his annoyance grows.

Jim laughs mirthlessly.

“No, Sunshine and I are good friends. Whatever you two are is something else entirely-” 

“Anyone ever tell you you don't know when to shut up?” His tone is as cold as the night air, and Jim shuts up.

Leonard wishes Kirk would drop the subject, trip over a rock, or whatever it took to never have this conversation again. Really—what he truly wants is for everyone to stop dangling this hope in front of his face like a carrot. He’s not an idiot, he knows he spends more time with the lieutenant than his colleagues, hears her laugh more often, and knows her habits better.

 He knows what it looks like. He also knows that he's a bitter emotionally closed-off divorcee— 

He tells Jim that Sunshine is his friend because she is—and he denies wanting anything more because It's stupid to want things out of his reach. 

Frustration heats his cheeks and begins to bloom into a headache. He knows Kirk means well, but that fact does little to comfort him. 

“Alright, I’ll drop it,” Kirk surrenders, his voice soft. “But there is one last thing you should know,” He pauses at the crosswalk and turns to Leonard. Eerily stoic, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Leonard's breath hitched. 

“Ryder’s got nothing on you in terms of looks, okay? Seriously he's like, 5’7, and his face isn't at all symmetrical-”

Leonard revs up and smacks Kirk in the back of the head harder than he ever had and feels no regret. Not even after Kirk's high-pitched “ Ouch!”

“Would you quit it! You gossip like a damn schoolgirl!”

The sign blinks at them to walk, and Leonard drags Kirk across the street, fingers digging into his arm. 

“Ow, ow, I was just saying-“

“Wait a minute,” Leonard lets his friend go and smooths down his sleeve. “How do you know what he looks like anyway?” 

Kirk puts himself at a safe distance from the Doctor, cradling his arm. “Well, the operations manager would usually talk to the department heads during a transfer, but Sunshine passed him off to me. I said no at first, obviously, because I hate managing, but then she finally told me she was almost Mrs. Ryder Denver. So yeah, I spoke with him a few times, just business. Have to say though, I couldn't imagine them together. He comes off as a bit of a douche.” 

Leonard breathes deeply, reigning in the emotions that he doesn’t need Kirk to pick up on. The idea of Sunshine being engaged does enough to unsettle him without knowing that the man in question “ came off as a douche” . He feels something boil under the surface. 

“Yeah?” is all he can strangle out. 

“Yeah—He’s like a classic douchey security buff,” Kirk continues, unaware of his friend's white knuckles. “You know the kind– uptight, condescending, has one earring and thinks it's edgy-”

“Wears their uniform a size too small? Yeah, I know the type.” 

“Exactly, and Sunshine is so…so-”

“Heart-of-gold?” 

“Yeah! Opposites attract I guess, but I don't know, something was off.” 

To Leonard, the��entire thing is off. All of it. Everything . He doesn’t understand why Sunshine decided he doesn’t get to know, why it is a secret in the first place, why she almost married a douche, why he cares so damn much . 

The enterprise comes into view like the sun on the horizon, and Leonard is relieved . 

“Your arm’s all right?” Leonard asks, an apology without apologizing. Jim knows this and breathes a laugh. 

“Yup, the ear’s fine too.” 

The Doctor nods, but his eyes remain trained in front of him. Through the glass window panes, he eyes the ship, eager to hide away in the familiar place. He would have opened the door for Kirk, as a gesture, but of course, the Yorktown Federation Port has to have automatic doors. He huffs, and the artificial lights illuminate his red cheeks. They approach their home in silent tandem, their shoes clinking against the hard floors. 

“You should talk to her, Bones,” Kirk breaks the quiet, head down while he taps the access code to the enterprise hull. “Ask her why she didn't mention the ex. I’m sure she has a good reason, probably one you'll wanna hear.” 

Leonard wants to be mean. He wants to shake Kirk's words off with an insult and go to bed. But he swallows his pride, and it goes down like nails.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Hope. It bubbles up within his chest, and he pushes it down. Finally, the stark white enterprise interior greets him. He breathes a little easier. 

Kirk stumbles over the first step— “ Woah ”-- and Leonard steadies him with a raised eyebrow. “Andorian ale finally catching up with you?” 

“Pfft,” Kirk scoffs. “Couldn’t catch me if it tried.” 

Leonard pauses, then laughs, the first genuine one all night, and it has Kirk grinning back. 

The enterprise is empty, its residents still on the streets they just returned from. So, without restraint, they laugh, and Kirk stumbles, and Leonard forgets for a moment about the unsaid feelings under his skin. 

Kirk is an idiot, and he’s a good friend.  

He’s happy to banter about whatever comes out of Kirk's drunk mouth and to correct him when he takes a wrong turn in his own ship. Leonard claps his hand on his shoulder and drawls, “It’s this way, captain .”

“Uhh, no , Chekov keeps the good whiskey in his locker, this way,” Kirk insists with a point down the hallway, and Leonard is amazed at his eagerness to get blacked out the night before embarking. 

“Are you out of your mind? No way. You can drink like a fish when you don't need to fly a starship in the morning.” 

“What are you, my mom ?” 

Christ.

“No, but I pity the poor woman,” he huffs and gestures down the hallway leading to his quarters. Kirk frowns and scrunches his nose.

“Raincheck, Kirk, c’mon.” 

He begrudgingly obliges, having given his friend a hard enough time tonight anyway. The yawn that crawls out of his mouth a moment later corroborates Leonard's decision. He is tired, and Kirk shouldn't drink anymore, but he’d be lying if he said those were his only motives to end the night early.

“You win this one, Bones, but next time I swear we'll be out till sunrise,” he says between another yawn and a hiccup. 

“Uh-huh. Try not to trip.” Leonard reminds himself of the virtue of patience and keeps walking. 

Kirk manages to type in his room's access code all by himself, with only a moment of squinting, and a break to roll up the black sleeves of his turtleneck. Leonard is impressed, and the bar is low. 

“Drink a bottle of water, and get some sleep, We’ll talk tomorrow.” he crosses his arms over his chest and waits for protest. 

Kirk only hums. “You headed to your room?”

 The doctor's fingers drum against the doorframe. “Was thinking I’d check in on Sunshine,” he says, blinks, and rushes out, “and the rest of the Skeleton crew, of course.  Maybe medbay too, then I’ll hit the hay.” He fleetingly wonders if that sounds believable, or at least casual. 

 Kirk smiles a genuine smile. “Sounds like a good plan, Bones. See ya in the morning, and tell her I said hi .” Before he can react, his friend waves, and the door slides shut. Then, he’s alone in the hallways, and he has to put his money where his mouth is. 

Shit . 

The way to the bridge feels daunting now, like climbing Everest. Like climbing Everest with the shittiest rope ever. Like climbing Everest with the shittiest rope ever, several pounds of emotional baggage, and a Starfleet captain breathing down his neck.  He considers just going to bed, pretending he never even mentioned the whole thing. Maybe even pretend he doesn't care to get answers. He can just leave it be. 

The desire to see her trumps all of it. 

The halls are deserted, which he’s thankful for. He doesn’t need anyone around to watch him squirm in the elevator. A deep breath, a punch of the open elevator button and—

“I told you I don't have any threes! Go fish, again .” 

He sees the back of the captain's chair first, then Starfleet-issued black boots hanging off of it. The whoosh of the door draws the attention of the room to him. Eyes sweep through the vaguely familiar faces of the night crew, all six staring at him like they are waiting for an explanation, which he doesn’t really have. The heeled black boots plant themselves on the ground, the captain's seat swivels around. His heart works double time. 

“ Leonard ? Hi! What are you doing here?” 

Sunshine’s got a hand of cards between her pointer and her thumb, and a sweatshirt pulled over her uniform dress, and it distracts Leonard for longer than it should. He clears his throat, and it shakes loose the feelings stuck there. 

“Just thought I'd check in on our hard working night crew, who is surely on task.” He descends the bridge steps. 

“Well, then, you'll be happy to hear that I am, in fact, glancing at my station every 20 minutes, and I’m the undefeated go-fish champion.” 

She waves the cards at herself like a fan, legs crossed and smile wide. 

“Undefeated, huh? Glad to see your talents going to good use.” Her smile gets a bit brighter, and she does a quick breathy laugh with her nose. For a moment there's quiet, and Leonard begins scrambling for a way to ask her the thing he wants to ask her. The bridge is crowded, for a skeleton crew, he thinks. The redshirt to Sunshine’s left breaks the silence before he can. 

“I’m not sure if I’d call it talent…I’m pretty sure she's cheating,” they grumble, and Sunshine doesn't spare a moment, whipping the chair around. He can almost see the panic fill her eyes, like she’s just been accused of a heinous crime. 

“I’m not! Are you still thinking about that last round? Because that was—”  

Even Leonard winces a bit at her shrill tone, and he’s pretty sure she just woke the navigator who had fallen asleep at his station, so he claps his hands on her shoulders. 

“Sounds to me like this card game has you wound like a spring,” he interrupts her before her voice jostles anyone else awake. 

She pouts, lip jutted out and everything. 

“Let's go for a walk,” he suggests. He doesn’t even let his nerves talk him out of it. She looks at him curiously, her eyebrows drawn. 

“I dunno, I probably shouldn’t leave…” 

“I’m sure someone else can deal cards while you’re gone,” he tells her, already offering his arm. 

The Ensign, Leonard still doesn’t know their name, waves her off. “Go, Lieutenant, It's fine. I’m sure we can handle a few minutes without you.” 

She bites her lip and cautiously loops her arm around his, leaving the captain's chair to her subordinate. 

“Alright, but don’t start a new game without me,” she warns lightly. 

Leonard doesn’t get nervous with her arm looped around his, really he doesn’t. He’s headfirst into this thing now, no room for nerves. 

She drinks her whiskey neat, he learns, and it surprises him. Surprises him even more when she downs it like a shot. 

The walk there had been quiet mostly, except for when Sunshine regaled the stories of her card game wins. 

“Did you have a nice time with Kirk?” she asks politely.

“I dunno if I’d say that, but maybe Jim would disagree.” 

She laughs lightly, and her finger traces the lip of the whiskey glass. He doesn’t know if it’s the best idea, but he refills her cup. 

There is a beat of silence, and the conversation with Kirk pushes to the front of his thoughts. There's a heaviness on the tip of his tongue, the desire to ask why . Without really knowing how to. 

“Wish I could’ve gone with you guys,” she says, her gaze downcast. There's a rare melancholy to her tone, something vulnerable woven into it. 

“You could’ve,” he tells her, and her eyes pull from the table.

“I had--”

“Yeah, I know what you– I just mean–I’m sure Kirk would have given you the night off if you asked… God knows he owes you enough favors.” 

“I guess,” she shrugs, “it wasn’t really the best night for it, though.” 

He could go along with her lame excuse, vaguely agreeing that, yeah, there will be other nights. But the ache to know what exactly goes on in her pretty head has words tumbling out of his mouth. 

“Yeah, Kirk mentioned somethin’ like that,” he mumbles, nerves permeating the sentence. 

“...what?” 

Shit.

“I mean, he may have-”

“What exactly did he mention?” Her tone holds a sharp undercurrent of something rare for Sunshine– anger.

Leonard runs a hand down his face, suddenly thinking of all the much more tactful ways he could have begun this. The gentle buzz of alcohol still in his bloodstream keeps him from panicking. 

“Nothing terrible, just that there was someone in town you wouldn’t wanna see.”

“As if ,” she scoffs. “Kirk’s never been that vague in his life.” 

“…fair enough.” 

She groans miserably, fitfully pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and burying her face in the fabric. 

“You were not supposed to find out like this,” she says, muffled. 

“And how was I supposed to find out?” He asks quietly, like the question will frighten her away. 

A sniffle comes from behind her hands–the sound tugs at his heart. 

“ I don't know. Maybe someone could have told you when I’m dead and then we’d never have to have this conversation.” 

He reaches for her slowly, taking her wrists in a gentle hold and pulling them away from her face, revealing her reddened nose and watery eyes. Her hands are cold, and grow stiff under his touch. 

“Sunshine. It's an ex , not a damn intergalactic scandal. There are worse conversations to have,” he reasons. 

“You don't get it,” she tells him matter-of-factly, pulling her hands from his touch. Embarrassment quickly heats his body, and he wipes his palms on his pants. 

“I’d get it a lot more if you talked about it.” He flexes his jaw, frustration bleeding into his voice. 

She narrows her eyes, punctuating her glare with a sniffle. 

“If I wanted to talk about it, I would’ve.”

“With Kirk? Because he seems to get it.” 

“Why are you acting so—”

“Concerned? Oh, I dunno because you’re my friend?” Exasperation colors his tone.

“I was gonna say entitled,” she grits out. Her anger comes out half-heartedly, sounding more like watery sadness than anything. “I don't tell you everything, and I don't have to. You’re not my-” She sighs. “Why does it matter? I was engaged for like, a year, and now, I’m not.” 

You’re not my–

Her half sentence sticks in his mind and sends blood rushing to his head. He thinks of all the things that he is to her: a colleague, a doctor, a friend. All the things he isn’t feels like a gaping hole. 

He watches her clench her fists and force her tears back. 

“It matters because it upsets you enough to work the night shift,” he sighs, the anger he’s been holding seeps out of his hands like water. “I’m not pressing you for the latest gossip, Sunny. I’m asking because it would be lousy of me not to.” 

She says nothing, taking in his words. 

“I’m no stranger to this stuff, y’know,” he prods her gently. “My ex-wife sent me running all the way to space .” He says lightly, and the corners of her mouth twitch up briefly.

“He didn't send me running, I sent him,” she confesses, shaking her head. 

“ You ?” 

“Me. The thing is,” she shrugs, “it should have worked, y’know? Like on paper, it was perfect. Ryder and I were academy sweethearts, liked all the same shit, were top of our classes, blah, blah, blah.” She rolls her eyes. “Our friends used to tease us, say that it wasn't fair, and we were too in love.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” she says, sighing. Her eyes drift nowhere in particular. “It didn’t feel nice after a while though. It felt suffocating. I was half a person with him, we were Ryder and Sunshine–and that was one entity.” Her tears dry on her lashes, as she becomes entrenched in the memory. 

“But the person we were wasn’t me . Because he never thought my jokes were funny, or my hobbies were interesting or my friends were cool, so I was willing to throw them all out. Eventually all that was left was him. His ideas, his wants, his needs. I was backed into a corner. I should’ve left when I realized but I loved him… and I was really scared of being alone.” 

She pushes her hair behind her ears and lets out a shaky breath. 

“I was a coward, and I couldn’t leave. I wanted to try and fix it, figure out who I was, and then maybe Ryder could love that person,” She shakes her head. “I was naive. Ryder always wanted someone I couldn’t be. Someone quieter or someone better at being a person. I’m always so all over the place you know? Too much for him.”

“You’re not–”

“It's okay, Len, you don't have to say anything.” she says, meeting his eyes again, taming the budding fire in his heart. 

The idea of Sunshine being anything but completely herself unnerves him. Her jokes are funny, he can’t recall ever laughing as much before she boarded the enterprise. Her ramblings about xenobotany and classic earth songs never fail to catch his attention, even when he barely knows what she's talking about. Being around Sunshine is as easy as breathing, and he’s starting to need it as much too. 

“Anyways, he proposed our senior year, like we weren’t a sinking ship, and I said yes and pretended like the ring wasn’t a last-ditch attempt to bring us back to life.” 

Her teeth sink into her lip, her eyes dragging to her lap.

“I don't know what it was, but one night I just…broke. I couldn’t keep pretending to be someone I wasn’t, or beg to be loved.”

A few tears slide down her cheeks, she scrubs them away with her sleeve.

Leonard wants to tell her that she should never have to beg for anything in the first place, least of all love; he wants to tell her that she's worthy just the way she is. His fingers twitch with the desire to take her by the shoulders and tell her over and over that she’s perfect, that she couldn’t be too much if she tried. Sunshine has always had a magnetic pull to her, drawing in everyone she meets with her warmth. The idea of anyone taking that away from her pulls his heartstrings tight enough to snap. He holds back his anger, refraining from telling her that Ryder is an asshole who didn’t deserve a second of her time. 

The wiser part of him knows that's not what he needs.

“We had planned to be on the USS Endeavor together, but I rescinded my application. I signed up to do on-planet research instead. I wrote a long letter, left it on our bed, packed up my things, and left.” 

She coughs in a way that he knows is covering up a sob and takes a deep breath. The sound sends a pang of emotion through him.

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. We were engaged, for Christ's sake, and I couldn’t even look him in the eye when I left him. And don’t even get me started on the fallout. We had all the same friends, and our families were so close… it was all so humiliating . Everyone expected us to live happily ever after, and then, there I was, giving him back his ring in a coffee shop.”  

She knocks back the rest of her drink, like a consolation prize for getting all the words out. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Len. I never wanted you to think of me like that, as someone who would do that.” 

“ Sweetheart ,” he says like a plea, calling her attention. “No one in their right mind would think differently of you for leaving something that wasn’t good for you– or at least they shouldn’t.” 

She's shaking her head before he finishes his sentence. 

“But I–”

“I know. You didn’t go about it the way you maybe should’ve– or the way you wanted to. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you any less… good.”

She hiccups, her chest rising and falling rapidly as another stream of tears drips down her cheeks. He can't help himself – and even if he could, he doesn’t want to – he brings both hands to her cheeks, wiping away the salty tears. 

“It's alright,” he says gently, swiping his thumb under her eye again. “You’re alright.”

She nods, breaths finally evening out, and his hands reluctantly fall back onto his lap. 

He remembers well the storm of feelings his divorce left him with. The gulit, the lonliness, feeling like the world was ending. 

“I get it, y’know. The shitty relationship, becoming somebody you don't wanna be,” the barstool squeaks as he leans on the counter. He hasn't talked about his marriage since he told the story to Kirk years ago. It feels odd to tell it again. 

“My ex and I met in college, fell head over heels, and I proposed a year later. I thought… well, we both thought we were soulmates. There was this connection between us that I’d never felt before, and I thought this must be it.” 

“After a year ?” she gawks. He casts her a sideways glance and chuckles. 

“A perfect year, mind you. Not a single disagreement, not a bad date– every day was straight out of a damn love story or something. Until we got hitched, that is. Then it was all disagreements.”

 He anxiously taps a rhythm on the bar top. The memory still burns him now, of the fiery conflict, of the sleepless nights. 

“We were the same in all the worst ways, stubborn, headstrong, prideful. We couldn't settle an argument to save our lives. It probably didn't help that I was in the middle of residency and pulling 100-hour weeks. It was miserable. I hardly recognized myself… I know I don’t have the best temper, but I never wanted to be an angry person.” 

He lets out a slow breath, “I was mad as hell when she called it quits, said a lot of stuff I regret. But she was right to do it. We brought out the worst in each other, I was just too narrow-minded to see it. All this to say, I’m sure I would have taken the night shift to avoid her too.” 

Sunshine rests a comforting hand on his shoulder, her thumb pressing circles into the muscle. 

“I’m sorry, Len.”

He leans into her touch without thinking about it. “These things happen,” he tells her decidedly. “When something’s not right, there's nothing you can do to change that. You do the best you can with where you’re at, that's all.” He pictures himself, young and full of fire, holding onto something that had already slipped away. “Which you did, Sunshine. I know it’s hard to see now, but I promise it gets easier.”

When he drags his gaze from the mahogany bar top back to Sunshine, she's watching him curiously. 

“What am I supposed to see?”

“That you were young, and scared, and you did what you needed to for yourself. Even if it's not shit you’re proud of, it makes you who you are. You learn, and it makes you better.” 

She says nothing, silently considering his words for several moments. “Well, it better get easier soon, because it sucks .” 

He chuckles, “That it does.” 

 She reaches right past him and grabs the half-empty bottle of whiskey.

“We should toast,” she says, the melancholy in her voice fading away, probably tucked back behind a wall. “To failed marriages.” 

She’s already refilling their glasses and lifting hers to bump with his. 

“Thought you ducked out on the whole wedding thing?” he teases. 

“Fine then, to failed romantics,” she impatiently shakes the ice in her glass, “Just do it.” 

He knocks his glass with hers and agrees, “To failed romantics, and night shifts, and all the other shitty stuff.”

Her face pinches as she finishes her drink. Gingerly, she takes both of their glasses and stacks them behind the bar. 

Like ripping a bandage off and letting the wound breathe, Leonard feels lighter. As Sunshine hops off the bar stool and straightens her uniform skirt, he can see on her face that she does too. 

“Thank you for the drink, and the talk, Len,” she says, and he waves her off. 

“Don't mention it.” 

“ Totally gonna mention it,” she grins, “and when the schedule suddenly gives you two days off in a row, you’ll know why.” 

He laughs, and shakes his head, “I don’t think that's allowed, Lieutenant.” 

“I have my ways,” she says innocently, as she saunters to the door. 

He watches her go, everything she’s told him still buzzing in his head. He can hardly make sense of everything he’s feeling at once, but there's one thought that sticks out among the rest, that sits on his chest, demanding to be heard. 

“Sunshine?” he calls before she’s gone, giving into his relentless mind.

“Yeah?”

When she turns around, he’s flooded with everything he’s ever wanted to tell her. How she has seeped into every part of his life since he met her, despite his once armored heart. How she doesn’t see it, but she's changed the entire atmosphere of the bridge, pouring life into it with her energy. How she's taught him how to be a better friend, a better man, even a better doctor. How she’s not too much, she's everything. 

 “You should know, you’re never too much, that's ridiculous. Anyone on this ship would agree in a heartbeat. Don’t know what I’d– what we’d do without you,” he rushes out. “I hope you never think you need to be anything other than who you are.”

She goes still in the door frame and observes him for a moment. He flounders in her silence, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut. She suddenly moves from the doorway, quickly striding towards him, the sound of her boots clacking on the floor. He has no time to react before she gently places her hand on his chest. She wastes no time, leaning down and pressing a warm kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you,” she says meaningfully, searching his eyes for a brief moment before she turns heel again. She’s out the door without him even mustering up a word to say. 

His skin heats where her lips had touched him, a crackling feeling left in their place. He lifts his fingers to the skin, ghosting over the sticky remnants of her lipgloss. 

He sits, dumbfounded, knowing he’s gone somewhere there's no coming back from.     

[csint3rlude]

★ WHEN YOU’RE SICK — STAR TREK.

-> characters: jim kirk, spock, leonard mccoy, nyota uhura, montgomery scott, pavel chekov, hikaru sulu, christine chapel, janice rand

-> authors note: this isn’t specifically tos/aos btw you can read it as either (i wrote it with tos in mind but it can definitely be perceived as either). also not directly romantic or platonic but implied reader is super close with the characters

word count: 1.4k || masterlist

⋆｡° ✮ jim kirk

for the most part, he’ll kind of just let you be. he knows that you’re sick and for the most part just want to lay down and try to feel better, and he’s a captain who really can’t get sick in the first place so he doesn’t get to see you much anyway. he leaves the bridge a few times he shouldn’t to check on you or just see how you’re doing. if you ask him to bring you something he’ll kind of roll his eyes and smile a bit in a joking manner, like he can’t believe that you’re asking him but he doesn’t actually really care and brings it anyway. after his shift, he comes and checks on you immediately and stays for awhile at your bedside. he gives in immediately if you ask him to stay and ends up also getting sick over the next few days which drives spock and bones absolutely insane, but he still believes it was worth it.

⋆｡° ✮ spock

spock would be a little avoidant, but for the reason he thinks it’s not worth it for both of you to get sick. he’ll still check up on you however or ask every other hour or so how you’re doing, and occasionally checks up on you on his own a couple of times so he doesn’t feel something akin to worry as well. i think he’d bring you things without you having to ask. maybe he had a feeling or something you were hungry or thirsty, and the next time he sees you, he’s got water and/or food. he does this because while he’s very busy and can’t be around you all day and bringing you things all day, he still doesn’t think it’s smart for you to be walking around on your own so he just brings what he thinks you’ll need. he also does it to subtly show he was thinking about you (he was worried).

⋆｡° ✮ bones mccoy

the second bones has even the slightest inkling you’re not up to perfect health, he’s all over you about it. he’ll quite literally either just find you in the hallway or specifically call you to his office so he can give you shit for working while sick. after that, he specifically puts you under his care almost immediately. for the most part, he’s still kind of bitchy but he does loosen up and gets slowly nicer throughout the day as you continue to be sick. he doesn’t bring you anything himself on his own time but if you asked him and there’s nobody else around, he’ll sigh and go get your water or extra blanket or whatever you wanted. for the most part, he’ll just tell a nurse to do that. he’s by your side most of the day, except he’ll tell you it’s because he doesn’t want you to leave the sickbay and pass out or do something dumb, but it’s really because you’re his top priority to get out of the sickbay. he does notttt wanna see you sick

⋆｡° ✮ nyota uhura

worried, but somehow in the most calmest way possible. i think she’d catch you working while sick rather talk to you immediately when you wake up and realize you’re sick. you’re probably walking around in the hallway with sweaty skin, major fever, on the verge of passing out and she takes you into a room where you guys can sit down and she just says so calmly “you really shouldn’t have come to work today” and then walks you back, tells whoever you work with that you’re sick, and then takes you to your quarters. she doesn’t stay since she has her own job, but after her shift she comes back and sits at your bedside and just like checks up on you and sees if you need anything or for her to give you medicine or water or food or something. absolutely she teases you when you’re not sick anymore

⋆｡° ✮ montgomery scott

lowkey he doesn’t notice at first. he just assumes that you’ve worked too hard for too long and tells you to take a break for a bit. when you come back, still shaken and still sickly, he’s befuddled because he was under the impression you just were overworked. he keeps an eye out for the rest of the day after that, and also makes sure to give you some of the easier jobs until he figures out what’s wrong and the appropriate means of fixing it. once he does (finally) come to the conclusion that you’re not feeling well, he’s really calm about it. he ends up just taking you somewhere you guys can sit down and he’ll get you something to eat and drink and then just like talk to you for a few minutes, he drops you off at your quarters afterwards and lets dr. mccoy now that you’re sick

⋆｡° ✮ pavel chekov

will not leave you alone at all. he genuinely takes the whole day off to look after you and everything. it’s kind of like a package deal, you’re sick so he gets to stay with you. for the most part he’d be really sweet and would fold and do basically anything you asked of him soooo quickly <3 but he can also be really clingy and kinda touchy by accident, but for the most part he really wants to take care of you while you’re sick. he’s perfect for running and getting you things. the second you ask him he stands up and runs away and comes back two seconds later with whatever you asked him for. he’s bad with medicine and regularly checking your condition however, so he gets really annoyed when there’s the occasional nurse/bones himself coming into your room to check on you but also kind of yell at him for not keeping them updated. he’d also 100% get sick after and act like it’s your fault just to become whiny and pathetic within an hour.

⋆｡° ✮ hikaru sulu

he might be the best person to take care of you in this lineup. he leaves you alone when you’re sleeping and does his own thing, brings you soups he made himself with herbs to heal you, and actually regularly checks in and makes sure your not getting worse. he doesn’t fully leave you alone though, he will occasionally come in for a little bit and you guys can hang out while you like lay there and listen to him talk or vice versa until he has to leave to do something else. i feel like he doesn’t necessarily find out your sick from you and more-so hears about it and thinks “oh. i’ll go take care of them cause why not” so you’re under his care for the whole time. typa guy to also lowkey sit with you in bed every night and kinda like gossip and fill you in on anything you missed. but only for a little bit because after like 30 mins he tells you to rest so you feel better

⋆｡° ✮ christine chapel

when you’re dragged into her office looking half dead on a random afternoon she kinda just sighs and lays you down on one of the beds. she’s very sweet while she takes care of you, but you can still see part of her wishes she had something more eventful to do. she’s another person who’s absolutely fantastic to be taken care of (the ranking is: bones, sulu, chapel btw). makes you take the most awful thickest worst tasting medicine ever but it’s after effects are absolutely delightful. while she gives it to you she says “it won’t taste good, but it’ll feel good when it kicks in.” and kinda smiles. you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to throw up in front of her because she encourages it, tells you that if you don’t wanna be sick you have to throw up. she’d hold your hair back for you and bring you something to drink afterwards before sitting on the edge of your bed just to talk about whatever for a few minutes.

⋆｡° ✮ janice rand

she wouldn’t say something to you directly, but she’d tell whatever senior officer you’re around the most that she doesn’t think you’re feeling well. she visits you later, however. janice is smart, and she knows you’re gonna ask her for something, so instead she tries to think of important things you might ask her for like entertainment or food or water and just brings it all. she’d try to do it in a way where it just looks like she’s taking care of you, but she does kind of make it like a sleepover (where she doesn’t actually sleep over, she stays until you fall asleep peacefully) because she knows it’ll be more enjoyable for you. i think after you fall asleep she’d like tuck you in a little bit and make sure you’re warm and comfy before leaving <3 she never speaks a word of it again and acts so casual about the night afterwards if it’s mentioned

[yona049]

𝚂𝚙𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚡 𝚐𝚗! 𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

Part 1? (maybe)

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Warning :

> lil blood

>cosmophobia

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

His pace was strong and exact as he walked through the ships shining white hallway. Hair cut to a precise straight line with pointed ears, a shining example of his Valcan linage.

His uniform was nothing short of excellent, no wrinkle or crease would dare disturb it's perfection. The tablet in his hand had many names of crew members across the screen.

Behind him, hundreds of cadets, Ensign's and officers ran through the hallway. Some carrying baggage or equipment for the long journey that lay ahead.

The blue, red, and yellow uniforms looked like smudged lines to Spock. No one daring to crash into him or hinder his way, as his intense focus on the tablet demanded his presence to be known.

Behind him came a red uniform, short skirted Lieutenant Commander Uhura runs closer. Her pace quickened to a jog to catch up to him. She dodged one of the Cadets carrying heavy boxes until she finally caught up to Spock.

"Spock!" she called to him but his attention never faltered from the tablet screen.

One name of the many pops up and he selects it. The profile of Ensign Y/n L/n appeared.

"What is it, Uhura?"

"I just needed to enquire on the specific time of launch."

Spock scrolls down to the information on the profile.

"There's no question, we leave O' eight hundred hours, current planet time. We've given everyone sufficient time to prepare for a life long expedition of exploration."

Uhura growls and dodges another Cadet carrying some equipment and engineering tools.

"Yes I understand! But some Cadets have questioned the captains choice to bring inexperienced Ensign's on board for this mission."

Spock finally stops once they've reached the back of the hallway with a large door at the end. His hands are placed behind his back delicately and without hesitation he answers.

"Uhura, I can see the unease that this may have caused. However our Captain has never put us in harms way before and he certainly won't now. I trust Kirk's decisions whole heartedly."

Uhura sighs and nods slowly. Her arms fold into a somewhat comforting hug.

"I guess I should too. It's just a really big decision for everyone to make. There's a chance we may never come home."

She slowly glances through the large window beside them at the spinning blue and green planet below.

Spock looks at earth and then back at her.

"The U.S.S Enterprise is our home now. And like earth. We must protect it."

She laughs a little through her nose at Spock.

"Yeah, you're right."

With a small hand, she pats on his shoulder and then makes her way back down the hallway.

"Oh! And Good luck with the new Ensign!" she calls back to him before disappearing into the corridor.

Finally, the hallway seemed a little quieter. Spock looks back down at his tablet and scrolls through the profile. The first thing he noticed is no picture of the Ensign. Odd.

The second thing he notices is the lack of specified species. The Enterprise was a decorated vessel with many mixed species staff. A proud ship of the The United Federation of Planets.

The doors at the end of the hallway finally slide open.

"Ensign L/n! You're-"

He looks up at the new Ensign but stops when he sees a short bodied, light blue skinned species. Not a harsh blue, but a pale skin tone similar to the planet Andoria.

The blue uniform perfectly hugging their figure and snow-white hair covering their ears.

"...-Late."

He finishes looking at their profile then back at them.

"Sir, I'm sorry. They had some trouble confirming my authentication due to my incomplete file."

They look down shyly. Holding a suitcase and a box of glass tubes and bottles.

"Then let's make an effort to complete it."

Spock walks a circle around them them with a raised eyebrow as he studied their species.

"Tell me, Ensign, what's your species? Your skin and hair would suggest Andorian. However, I see no antennae."

Y/n slowly scratches the bottom of their ear and clears their throat.

"I am Andorian, sir. I lost my antennas in a chemical accident."

Again, Spock looks down at his tablet. His face showing no visible confusion, but he was, in fact, a little confused. Yet also mesmerized.

"It says here you're a Medical Ensign."

They quickly nod watching Spock.

"Yes! Chemistry is my main practice. I can't have the Medical Officer mixing the wrong, atorvastatin with fluticasone and causing someone to come down with some disease!"

They finish their explication but quickly step back after.

"Apologies! I didn't mean to sound so accusatory."

Spock nods before turning on his heel and starting his walk.

"Not at all, I am Vulcan. We try to keep our emotions-"

"-Controlled." Y/n says, catching up to him.

"Yes, I'm aware." they confess, looking down.

Spock squints for a second before looking back at the tablet for some information.

"Now, your room is on deck 37. This deck is reserved for medical and research personnel. Med Bay is also on deck 37."

He explains as they walk to the turbolift, taking them both up to Deck 37. The lift is filled with a few seconds of awkward silence. Spock takes this time to study his blue skinned Ensign.

Their existence is shrouded in mystery. The story of their antennas being chemically detached is questionable, Andorian's antenna grow back after time. Their short stature compared to many of the tall built andorians. An incomplete file made Spock's curiosity spark.

Finally arriving at their room. Spock hands them a key card. He turns his back to them without a goodbye.

"Spock!" Y/n calls.

Spock turns back to them. A darkened blue color covered their cheeks like blush would a human's face.

"Yes, Ensign?"

Y/n takes a breath of confidence and looks at Spock.

"Thank you for accompanying me. You have other duties to see to. But I appreciate your time."

Spock only bows his head.

"It's my duty, Ensign. Now hurry to your medical checkups. We launch in 5 hours."

Y/n gives a happy nod, then entering their room with a little excited skip.

Spock couldn't tell why, but his heart gave a pleased thump when he saw the excitement from Y/n. A young new Ensign is unaware of the vastness of space that lays ahead.

The crew started settling into their bunks and rooms with quick paced ease. A fast five hour jump to the launch and Spock was confident in his preparation.

He was sat at his launch pad watching all systems make necessary calculations. As Head Commanding Science Officer and First Officer. He had to be sure the Enterprise was ready for Captain Kirk's arrival.

A sudden hand placed on Spock's shoulder pulls him from his thought process. Jim Kirk stood behind him. His close friend and captain. Even though he was human, Kirk knew what to say to let Spock know everything was ok.

"Well, Spock! How's she lookin?"

Kirk questions.

Spock straightens himself out and with a proud, non emotional face, then says.

"She is, in human terms, Spick and span!"

Kirk smiles giving Spock a good smack on the shoulder.

"Good! Because I'm about ready to head on a life long adventure. To explore strange new worlds!"

Kirk monologs while he strides over to the Captains chair. His palm slides over the arm rest and guides him to his seat.

"Yes, Captain. We're about ready for launch!"

Kirk smirks and turns to a button on his seat. Once he presses it the button starts broadcasting his voice though the entire ship.

"This is your Captain speaking."

Y/n was in a room with a scanner in their hand when they quickly look up at the speaker.

"We are preparing for Launch now. So to start off our journey. Here's a little quote from the very first Starship Captain. Captain Johnathan Archer."

Y/n smiled hearing the name of a big Historical hero. looking back at the Cadet they were doing a Medical check on. Y/n delicately pushes the Cadets head to the side and presses the scanner against their neck.

"He started the voyage by saying and I quote: 'We're going to stumble, make mistakes - I'm sure more than a few, before we find our footing. But we're going to learn From those mistakes. That's what being explorers is all about.'"

Captain Kirk smiles to himself hearing a few Crew members cheer down the hallway.

"This Voyage will be long. But it's purpose is to bring species together united. To Explore and to forge alliances. With that being said! Everyone hold tight!"

Cadets suddenly run off and hold steady to a rail or to anything nailed down. A brand new ship, Y/n stumbles past everyone while packing up the equipment. They look down at the list of Cadets to check but sees one name still open.

Spock had yet to be checked. With seconds before lift off, Y/n decides that the Bridge Control room isn't too far, and they might be able to make it there on time for launch.

With a little stumble, they make their way past the cadets and run for the lift to the Bridge.

Captain Kirk on the bridge looked at his pilot and smirked.

"Hit it!"

The ship yanks a little at the sudden force blasting them into hyperspace at warpspeed.

Y/n still in the turbo lift gets yanked forward suddenly and their hand slips from the rail with a heavy thud.

Spock holds carefully and waits till they get to an even pace. He watches everyone applaud as the ship steadied and they comfortably sat at hyperspeed.

The Captain pats the pilots on the back and Uhura gives Spock a smiling nod.

The lively energy circled though the bridge, even when Y/n fell through the door holding their head people surrounded them with cheers.

They smiled, clapping along and laughing a little before silence once again fell and everyone returned to their posts.

Uhura walks up to Y/n and shakes their hand. Brief conversation that Spock couldn't hear but he could tell Y/n was anxious.

Their hands clutching onto the medical case and their shoulders tightened into a straight, tense, posture.

"Y/n!" he called.

Y/n runs over to him with a thankful smile.

"Ensign, may I enquire as to your purpose on the bridge?"

Y/n sets their equipment down and stands straight at ease.

"Sir, I was on my way to take your vitals and complete medical check up's. But I was interrupted by launch! And I took the lift-"

During Y/n's anxious ramble, Spock studied her movements and noticed a light trickle of dark blue blood coming from beneath the white hair.

"Ensign."

"Yes sir! I know it was foolish! But I wanted to finish soon to get to other duties-"

"Y/n!" Spock's sudden voice brings Y/n's attention back to look up at him.

The chatter of crewmen in the background started fading out as Y/n's heartbeat took its place.

Spock delicately moves his fingertips to the side of their head and wipes the blood away bringing Y/n's attention to it.

"I.. Fell in the lift." they confess with their hand looking for the point of injury.

Spock looks down at the medical box and lifts it back off the ground.

"Ensign. I will report to Med bay for my medical check up in two hours. For the moment, see to your own medical care. Please."

A soft plea from Spock brought Y/n's heart back to a calm beating. They inhale and exhale slowly, focusing back on the problem at hand.

"Yes sir! I will be ready once you arrive!" Y/n says with a determined smile.

They take the bag with new found bravery but once again shyly smile at Spock before walking to the lift.

Uhura watches Y/n walk off and the doors slide shut as Uhura arrives at Spock's side.

"You saw it too?" Uhura questions still watching the lift doors.

"Yes. No Antenna scaring or any signs of growth. Andorian's antenna usually grow back in a matter of weeks."

Spock turns to Uhura and they start their deduction.

Spock continues :

"I considered the fact that it was a Chemical accident into my theory. However even a chemical wound wouldn't stop antennae from growth."

Uhura taps her finger on her folded arms while nodding in agreement.

"Y/n's accent has no clear signs of being raised in an andorian environment. No matter how faint the accent is. As the Communications officer I can hear it."

Spock takes a tablet off his desk and opens Y/n's profile once more.

"Y/n is not Andorian."

°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○°○

I had fun writing but I'm not sure If it'll become an ongoing series. 👀🖖If you enjoyed this and want a part two please let me know in the comments!

[kittenw0lf]

I ! just finished the first draft of a fanfic for the first time!

It contains 3,2k words and is spirk whump if I understand the term correctly

It still needs some work before it can see the light of day, but it exists! I am very proud of myself!

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Star Trek Masterlist

DATA

The Measure of a Man

OverProtective

Clumsy

Glasses (Smut)

Cute

Caught (Smut)

Dating Data (Headcons)

SPOCK

Overprotective (TOS)

You Make Me Nervous (TOS)

What is with you? (Smut) (SNW)

The Other Side (Smut) (MIRROR SPOCK) (TOS)

Chained Up! (Smut) (TOS)

Being Married to Spock (TOS)

Q

The Protective and The Oblivious

The Most Obvious Crush

The Only One That Cares

Learning

LORE

Jealous

Not Him (Smut)

Listening (Smut) ft. Data

Change

QUARK

The Price Of Love

Back To Bed

Spock/Kirk

Save Her!

Leonard “Bones” McCoy

Bones is nice? (TOS)

Tom Paris

All I think about

Odo

Drunk Confessions

[perseephoneee]

christmas tree farm [ficmas day 6] [james t. kirk x f!reader]

↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2024

author's note: dedicated to my irl former roommate/current bestie @muffinbeliever who has a kirk shrine. also i wrote this sleep deprived and jetlagged, i wont apologize for its shittiness

playlist:

christmas tree farm -- taylor swift

intergalactic -- beastie boys

last christmas -- lucy dacus

“I didn’t know Iowa had Christmas tree farms,” you said, spooning more food into your mouth. The holidays were around the corner, and people’s conversations about their plans punctuated lunch on the Enterprise. Your Captain was currently regaling stories of Christmas in the Midwest.

“We have amazing Christmas trees,” Jim replied.

Bones coughed.

“Something wrong, Bones?” Jim sighed, turning to look at his friend. 

“I think you’re full of shit,” Bones nodded, earning a frown from Jim. You finished the rest of your food, standing up with your tray.

“I’m going to go before you two start attacking each other,” you grimaced. 

“That only happened once!” Jim called out as you walked away, shaking your head.

Business on the Enterprise had slowed down in preparation for the number of away trips. Work in the medbay was almost entirely administrative, which was boring but at least left you stress-free. Your work was interrupted by your friend, Leah.

“Heard you had lunch with the Captain and McCoy,” she cooed. “Do tell me how you swung that?”

“My feminine wiles,” you deadpanned, not looking away from your screen. She spun your chair around to face her.

“Give me the details! Is Jim bringing home anyone this holiday?”

“He never brings anyone, you know that,” you drawled, crossing your legs. Leah glowered.

“He brings people.”

“Not home. Not to Iowa,” you responded. Every woman (and man) alive on the Enterprise had a crush on Captain Kirk, so you weren’t surprised by this line of questioning. More mildly perturbed. You were one of the few to be able to say that you have actually talked to Kirk. Saying you were friends felt weird, but you weren’t just another face on his starship. You doubt he’d remember your face if you weren’t McCoy’s second. 

Leah continued asking you questions about Kirk until it became evident you had no answers. 

You were used to it. Many of the crew asked questions. 

There was a time when you were enamored with James T. Kirk, but it only lasted a minute. You were fresh on the crew with your college roommate, starry-eyed and excited to be assigned to the Enterprise. Kirk was greeting everyone and spending ample time with the ladies until his eyes passed right over to flirt with your college roommate. You got a handshake that was equivalent to a brush-off. 

You don’t even think Jim remembers that day because weeks later, you’re patching him up and striking up a conversation. The first impression is already there, though, along with the misplaced attraction. Now, you’re in a tumultuous friendship with a man everyone else wants to sleep with. You didn’t expect so much drama when joining the Enterprise. 

Work shouldn’t have taken as long as it did, but having backlogs upon backlogs of medical reports meant you were the last one in Medbay. You had turned on some music while you worked and were debating to see if Scotty was up and wanted to share a drink with you. He always had the best alcohol and got fed up with drama as much as you did. Most of the lights were off; you didn’t see the need for them at this point. You could hear the doors open as someone entered. 

“So, this is how you’re spending your evenings,” Jim remarks, pulling up a chair next to you. 

You turn to look at him. 

“I’m doing work.”

“Bones should do it.”

“Doctor McCoy is terrible with paperwork. He’d screw it up almost immediately,” you replied, giving a quick smile and returning to your document. Jim fiddled his thumbs. You looked up again.

“Captain, can I help you with something?”

“Whatcha doing this Christmas, lieutenant?” he inquired, spinning around. His restless energy was making you anxious. 

“Probably just going to find a hotel and drink; why?”

“Come with me to Iowa.”

Your brain shortcircuited at his request. Jim Kirk, notorious for inviting women to various away trips for quick hookups, never asked anyone to his home. The only people that have been were Spock and Leonard, but they were his best friends. You didn’t think you were his best friend. 

“Why?” you questioned, voice small. 

“Because I want to. I can’t invite my friends to spend Christmas together?” Kirk chuckled at that but then caught on to the seriousness of your expression. “We are friends, right?”

“Yes,” you responded, but not very confidently. He narrowed his eyes. 

“I don’t play strip poker with just anyone.”

“You and Leonard played strip poker. I played normal poker and watched you two drunk bafoons make a fool of yourself.” Your lips quirked up at that memory. Spock came in at some point to request Jim’s assistance, only to find him half-naked and stuck in his uniform on the ground. You neglected to help him in favor of watching him struggle. Spock left immediately, muttering to himself. 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun. I’ll show you an authentic Iowa Christmas tree farm,” Jim grabbed the arm of your chair, swiveling you towards him. Your knees touched, and you wanted to pull away. 

“Fine, I’ll go with you to your fake ass Christmas farm,” you smiled, watching as a grin lit up Jim’s face.

It was hard to finish the rest of your work, as he kept annoying you throughout the night, but eventually, you pulled through. Jim walked you back to your room, and you bid him adieu before closing the door. You let yourself fall back against the door surface, sinking to the ground, wondering what you had gotten yourself into. 

Iowa came sooner than you thought. 

Leonard would join you both for Christmas dinner, as Kirk’s mom had been asking about him, and Leonard had nothing else to do. You had never been to Iowa, really any of rural America, and wandered off the starship to the sight of miles of fields. Jim was waiting by a motorcycle. 

“I’m not taking that death trap with you,” you said earnestly. He handed you a helmet anyway. 

“It’ll be fun.”

“Say that at my funeral, I dare you,” you grimaced. There was a small box for you to put your bags in, so you said goodbye to your belongings and boarded the bike. Your cheeks heated up as you realized that you’d have to be hugging Kirk the whole ride. All embarrassment left your body the second that he started driving, though, as instead, you opted to hide your face in his jacket and try not to cry. He laughed at your expense. You debated the merits of killing him but then realized you’d be stuck with Spock as your Captain. 

You pull up to Kirk’s home, your stiff arms reluctantly leaving his side so you can disembark. You blinked in surprise. 

“You didn’t mention that you live on a Christmas tree farm.”

“It was something my Mom picked up with her boyfriend,” Jim shrugged, taking his helmet off and ruffling his hair. “Pays the bills.”

“Did you work here?”

“I’m an excellent tree salesman, I’ll have you know,” Jim grins, and you decide not to test him on that. 

You don’t know what you expected Jim Kirk’s childhood home to look like, but when you do see it, it fits. It’s chic with enough unique knick-knacks to add personality. The amount of childhood Kirk photos makes you giggle.

Winona Kirk is a force to be reckoned with, you soon discover. Her eyes are the same as Jim’s, and her embrace is strong. You needed to come up for oxygen after the fact. She treats you both to rosemary chicken with scalloped potatoes. You drink a heavy amount of wine while Jim searches for a beer. The night is fairly peaceful.

You grew up in a city where the skies were covered in pollution. Stars were not a commodity. Out in the middle of Iowa, you could catch all the stars. After dinner, you make it a point to sit out on the Kirk’s porch. You have a blanket wrapped around you to stave off the cold, the Christmas trees merely a backdrop to the night sky. Your breath comes out in puffs. Jim joins you a bit later.

“My Mom seems to like you,” he notes, offering you a beer that you take gladly.

“Your Mom is epic,” you smile, taking a sip. A question has been sitting on your tongue since you arrived. “Why did you bring me here?”

“I told you already.”

“No,” you say softly. “You didn’t.”

Jim laughs, but it’s empty. It’s the laugh you give when you’ve been caught red-handed. The sky makes his eyes look like one of the constellations.

“I’m not good with women,” he remarks, and your brows shoot up. You want to call bullshit. “Not in the way it matters.”

“How does it matter?” You whisper. You don’t want to imagine what he means. He looks out toward the tree farm. 

“When people come to get a tree, they walk by a bunch of perfectly good ones.” Jim avoids eye contact with you. “Families will walk away from so many quality trees because it isn’t the right one. But when they see it, they know— it’s the tree for them. The only one they want in their home.” The silence stretches between you two. 

“You think I don’t see you, but I do; I always have,” Jim finally looks at you, and you can’t help but melt. “That’s why I invited you.” 

“I thought you were going to tell me I was the right tree for you,” you gulp, and Jim lets out a laugh. You smile because you see him, too, you always have.

“You’re a nice tree,” Jim chuckles.

“Thanks, I’ve been working hard on it.”

He moves closer to you, and you open up your blanket to let him in. You wrap around each other in a safe cocoon, the smell of pine and fresh air invading your senses. You fall asleep with your head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around you, and you think you could stay like that forever. 

[ensignsimp]

Love Languages TOS HCs: Kirk, Spock, McCoy

Prompts: How do the TOS Kirk, Spock, and McCoy show their love and what are some things they love to do with their partner.

James T. Kirk

Words of Affirmation

He loves to give pep talks, and enjoys receiving them when he needs them.

When you call him "Captain or Sir" in the gentlest tones he practically melts.

If you run your fingers through his hair and call him a "Good Boy or Good Captain.", he feels completely renewed and invigorated.

He'll call you all sorts of cute pet names; "Sunshine, Honey-Bun, Sweetie."

But he needs you when he calls you; "My Sunshine, My Star, My Ensign."

He'll lay in your lap while you stroke his hair and remind him of how great of a leader he is, and how much you love him.

"Ensign, I need you. I need my sunshine."

Physical Touch

He feels so lonely when he can't hold your hand.

While on the bridge he gives you firm pats on the back, ruffles your hair, kisses your hand, or even sneaky hugs from behind.

If you initiate the physical touch that is even better, he can practically feel the love flowing from your fingers.

During your off-hours, he will constantly be looking for cuddles and snuggles.

He even whines and groans if he has to get up or if you have to get up. He's so cute when he's pouty.

He loves to lay in your lap and have you run your fingers through his hair while you read to him.

Jim: "I feel so lost without you, take me in your arms, and promise to never let go."

Ensign (L/N): "Jim, we're working and you're standing five feet away from me."

Jim: "That's too far!"

Quality Time

He wants to spend as much time with you as possible, but he wants to make it meaningful.

The two of you read to each other, as well as play games, dance, and do a variety of other things.

He likes to have "in-quarters" dates because he feels like he can be more of himself around you.

He loves to have movie dates where you take turns picking movies and making snacks.

He will totally do your nails and braid your hair.

You two will most definitely hold the best slumber parties in Star Fleet history.

"I think this shade suits you better don't you think? After this, we can watch that new rom-com that just came out on Vulcan."

S'Chn T'Gai Spock

Acts of Service

In Vulcan Culture what you do for each other is more than what you say.

While he loves to help you and ensure you're well taken care of, when you do the same for him he knows that you care.

If you notice that he may be overwhelmed and step in to assist him you can practically hear his heart pounding.

He always appreciates it if you help him with the task and work on it together.

If you forgot to finish a report don't worry he'll help you finish.

If he is struggling on the bridge, you're there to take orders and provide additional aid!

Spock: "Thank you for your help, Ensign. I appreciate the assistance."

McCoy: "Get a room!"

Quality Time

He loves it when you spend time together, even if it's some mindless task or chore.

He does try to find more interesting ways of spending time together.

He may teach you things about his culture; how to read, write, and speak Vulcan, how to play the Vulcan Harp, and how to cook Vulcan meals.

He may ask you to show him things you enjoy; your favorite books, your favorite meals, your favorite activities, etc.

He may even propose trying new things together; such as taking a class or workshop.

Anything and everything he can do with you is always greatly appreciated by him.

"If you are interested in further study might I recommend this. I think you may enjoy it."

Physical Touch

He is so touch-starved, and all he wants to do is hold hands.

When you first hold hands it was a bit of a shock to feel your minds link.

Soon the two of you could barely keep your hands off of each other.

He's always reaching out for an ozh'esta (* finger embrace). (Just like his father. *cough**cough*)

When the two of you are alone in your quarters he enjoys sitting across from you, pressing his forehead against yours and holding your hands.

He feels so comforted by your touch. You ease his mind bringing him so much warmth and comfort.

" When I am with you, it is as if I have found another part of myself I did not know I was missing."

Leonard McCoy

Quality Time

McCoy values time with you above all else.

He prefers to spend his off hours wrapped up in a large fluffy blanket cuddled with you.

He does like to do fun things like take you dancing or going for moonlit shore walks.

But because he spends most of his time in sickbay he prefers to sit and not move as much as possible.

He feels bad that he can't do what a younger partner might.

But you always reassure him by greeting him in your pajamas and a fuzzy robe.

Ensign L/N: *wearing an old fuzzy bathrobe and slippers* "You want to stay in tonight? I found an old western movie and picked up some ice cream from the commissary."

McCoy: *trying not to cry* "That's the best idea I've heard all day. I love you so much damn it."

Acts of Service

He hates to see you get hurt but always loves it when you visit him.

When you get sick or hurt he stops everything he's doing to help you.

When he gets sick or hurt and you stop everything you're doing to help him, he's a mess.

He kind of likes it when you're bossy with him, making sure he's drinking water and eating.

You always make sure he's well looked after and you always visit him regularly.

A doctor's favorite patient may be one he doesn't see but he'd prefer if you stop by now and again.

"Stop your belly-achin' and relax. I'll check on you again soon. You're lucky I love you so much."

Words of Affirmation

He doesn't show it often but he can get insecure about your relationship.

He doesn't feel like he's up to the task like he used to be when it comes to romance.

You'll sometimes see him looking in the mirror longer or running his hands over his stomach.

But when you compliment him or tell him how much you love him all of his worries disappear.

He gets all grumpy at first until you coax out the truth.

He will let you know what is bothering him and you'll make sure to help him through it one step at a time.

"Some days I don't even know why you'd want to spend time with an old man like me. But I always appreciate that you do."

[beyondantaresa]

Late Nights

Word Count: 1201

You were working late, the low hum of the Enterprise around you and the soft glow of the console lights illuminating your face and making the atmosphere feel almost peaceful. The last mission had been exhausting, but the data needed to be processed before the next one and who better than you, the operations officer to do it. After a few hours you were completely lost in your work. So much so that you barely heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

“Still here?” A voice breaks through the silence, and you blink slowly, your eyes refocusing on the room around you before they land on Captain Kirk standing in the doorway of your office, leaning casually against the frame.

You give a huff of amusement, grateful for the distraction, though his presence had always brought an unexpected flutter to your chest. " I could ask you the same thing, Captain."

He smirks, pushing off of the doorframe and walking into the room, his usual confident stride still present even when tired. “I was going to ask you if you needed a break but seeing how unbothered you seem to be by the late hours…maybe I should be the one taking the break.” His tone light. You quirk an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m exhausted. I’ve just been cursed with a face that doesn’t show it.” Jim lets out a laugh though there is a hint of concern behind it. “You’ve been working non-stop. Take a break. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but the Enterprise can survive without the log being submitted tonight.”

You feigned shock. “Really? No, I’m just trying to stay on top of things.” You see the slight furrow of his brow and sigh. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

Kirk raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms, clearly unconvinced. “Really? Fine? I know you well enough to know that’s not true. You look like you could use a meal and a good night’s sleep.” He placed a hand on the edge of your console, his voice softening just a little. “I’d like to make sure you’re ok.”

Your heart skips a beat at the sincerity in his words. His usual playful demeanour is still on display, but there’s a vulnerability in his eyes that you don’t often see.

“I’m honestly fine, I promise.” You insist, though you both know that was a lie if ever there was one.

 “How about I make sure you get something to eat atleast?” he offers. Kirk steps closer glancing at your work and back to you. “Its kind of an order Lieutenant. You can’t refuse.” He said jokingly.

You look at him for a moment, feeling that warmth that radiations off him in waves whenever he’s around. “I’m not sure I can refuse the, can I Captain?” you reply, a playful smile tugging at your lips.

His lips twitch into a smile, and he stands a little straighter, looking every bit the confident leader everyone knows. “You now,” he says as he pushes off the console “As Captain, I do happen to know all the best places to find food on the ship, hidden or not.” He said with a wink “You might want to take me up on my offer and back way from the work before I start replicating mystery meats from the replicator.”

You snort at his teasing and stand up to grab your jacket. “Alright, alright. Let’s go.”

He nods with a smile.

As you two walk out of the control room, there’s a comfortable silence between you, the shared understanding that even when the ship had been in chaos, moment like this- simple and easy- where you could count on each other, are what mattered.

The mess hall was quiet at this hour, a few of the skeleton crew roaming around but much of the crew were tucked away in bed preparing for another day.  Captain Kirk carried over a tray laden down with plates he called “the best lasagna that replicators could make.” And sets it down on the table. He takes a seat opposite you and grins as he dramatically gestures to the plates. “Behold, a feast fit for the most dedicated of weary star travellers such as ourselves.”

You raise an eyebrow, poking at the lasagne with your fork, “You sure? This doesn’t look better than those Lasagne heated up in that old Earth machine, you know a er…microwave.”

He laughs and leans back in his chair. “Hey, I promise it’s good. Have a little faith in me and Starfleet engineering. They put a lot of effort into the food replicators, or so I’m told.”

You hum in doubt, a smile dancing on your lips. Taking a tentative bite your eyes open wide in surprise. “So, it just looks bad. Okay, you win Captain. Not bad.”

He smirks and flicks his hand in victory as he watches you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “See! I told you. And for the record, after hours it’s just Jim. When we’re off duty you can skip the formalities.”

“Jim, huh?” you reply, testing how it felt on your tongue. “I guess I can make that work. But only if you call me (Y/N) and promise to stop hovering over my work like a mother hen.”

He chuckles, his smile widening. “Me? Hovering? That’s called supervising, (Y/N). I’m just making sure my crew are taken care of.”

You nodded “Pretty sure you just wanted a partner in your midnight lasagna adventure.”

“Ok, you caught me,” he admits. “But in my defence, I needed the company, and I’ve always wanted to get to know you better. The stars can get a little lonely sometimes, don’t you think?”

There an unmistakable soft note in his voice that catches you off guard. For a moment, the playful banter is replaced to give way for something deeper. You look at him and see the weight of command that he carries everyday – responsibilities, decisions, and the isolation of being the one everyone relies on.

“Yeah,” you say quietly, putting down your fork and meeting his gaze. “They do. But that’s why we all have each other, right?”

His expression softens, the corner of his mouth tugging into a genuine smile. “Exactly. That’s what makes all this worth it.”

For a while, the two of you talk about nothing and everything – missions gone wrong, books, hobbies, the quirks of the crew. The barrier between captain and officer blur, leaving just two people sharing an unlikely company and sense of comfort in the endless expanse of space.

By the time you finish your food, the fatigue is almost forgotten, replaced by warmth. As you stand to leave, Kirk – no Jim- grins up at you.

“Next time, I’ll get you to try some replicated chilli, I promise it’s even better.” He teases.

“We’ll see about that,” you reply, feeling lighter as you turn to make your way to your quarters. Something makes you stop though, and you turn to face the Captain once more. “I’m glad you forced me out of my office Jim, we should do this again some time.” With that you left. Behind you the sounds of him chuckling rang out in the quiet.   

[supercap2319]

"This might be a little bit unconventional, sir, but I've always wanted to see what it would be like to blow you while you sit in your chair." Y/N said, standing at attention for James T. Kirk.

Captain Kirk's green eyes narrowed in surprise. He didn't look mad or anything, but he didn't exactly have any emotion either. It was silent between the two of them and Lieutenant Y/N thought he would be kicked off the USS Enterprise.

The Captain smirked and chuckled at Y/N. "That's an insubordinate attitude, Lieutenant. I think I might have to punish you personally in private. For now, I need you to go down to the engine room."

Y/N nods, filled with glee. So the Captain was open to it after all. And with the thoughts of being personally "punished" by the Captain later on, made him half hard. He nodded and walked towards the door. "Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Captain Kirk?" He turned to him.

"Don't be late. I expect you in my office in less than one hour."

He nodded and left the room as Kirk smiled to himself.

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Part I

We Don't Fit in Well ('Cause We Are Just Ourselves)

James T. Kirk (AOS) x Reader

Description: Riverside, Iowa. You've been here once before. Back then, everything was different. Now, you're not sure you're even in the same universe anymore. The man you might love? He's disappeared into thin air. The job you love? It might just disappear too. When everything hinges on one person, what lengths will you go to in order to save him? Can you save him while following the harsh demands you've been ordered to fulfill?

Warnings: Arguments, Mentions of Drunken Behavior, Injuries, Rough language

These will change from chapter-to-chapter. I will do my best to denote all happening as faithfully as I can. If any of these items bothers you, please do not read. One chapter of this fic includes non-graphic descriptions of Torture. All trigger warnings will be clearly demarcated in this fic.

Author’s Note: Hello my lovelies! This is my first Star Trek fic (ever), and I've been agonizing over how I could write it for so so long. This fic has been in the works since late-November 2023 and I think it's finally ready to share with you all!

I of course have to thank my faithful beta readers (and biggest cheerleaders) @desert-fern, @horseshoegirl and @sarahsmi13s for reading bits and pieces of this fic and making sure I was doing it justice. I also want to thank @a-reader-and-a-writer! Vee sent me this ask around then and nearly a year and a half later, we have this fic!

This is going to be a multi-part story. Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged!

Word Count: 3770

AO3: Cross-posted here!

My Masterlist

Series Masterlist | Next Part

The last time it snowed, the world was a very different place. Vulcan was still one of the biggest influences in the Federation, still orbiting its sun and still home to billions of souls, which were now snuffed out. Starfleet was thriving, with thousands of cadets and personnel boldly going into the unknown on peacekeeping and exploratory missions. What you have now is a world spinning on a different, tilted, off-kilter axis. It's like there is a hush over the grounds of Starfleet Academy still, cadets flinching, fighting their laughter when before it used to ring through the central square, melding with hundreds of conversations. The ghosts of everyone who walked the halls and never got the chance to graduate, to live, encroach on the spirits of those who remain.

It's no wonder the Admiralty have pushed for accelerated courses, aching to balloon the skeleton complement staffing the vessels still operational after the Battle of Vulcan. But the appetite to join Starfleet isn't present anymore. You've been riding a recruitment desk since graduation; you know what you're talking about. It’s like Starfleet had been inexplicably linked with the disaster on Vulcan and been found culpable for it. 

Nobody wants to be affiliated with the paramilitary organization responsible for the violent death of an entire planet. The Admirals have given countless interviews on the resettlement of the surviving Vulcan people. Ambassador Sarek himself has spoken about the loss of his wife, a prominent Terran herself, and the path to healing for the Vulcan people as a whole. Time and again, he's stressed how, without Starfleet, nothing of Vulcan-that-was would have been saved. But it doesn't seem to have worked. Every day, public sentiment on Starfleet has waned, the mercury dipping lower and lower and sinking into the red until you're not sure anything will bring it back out.

Well, there is one thing that could possibly save Starfleet. But nobody’s sure if he'd agree to do it.

It's why you're in Riverside, Iowa, of all places. The last time you were here, it was in 2255, and the summer sun shone golden from a blue sky over the shafts of fragrant wheat swaying in the hot breeze. You can still recall how your uniform had stuck to the small of your back, how wisps of your hair had been snatched from your braid only to get plastered against your face and neck. Back then, only a little over three years and yet a lifetime ago, you'd been awed at the mechanisms of the Riverside Shipyard, awed at the skeleton of the Enterprise as she was built piece by piece and paid little attention to the town in the shipyard's shadow. One bar fight and a pair of new cadets on board your shuttle later, you'd forgotten all about the place. 

Until now.

Your communicator trills loudly in the cold air, the tinny sound hushed between buildings blanketed in snow drifts.

“You find him yet, kid?”

“I'm 28, Doctor McCoy! I'm far from a kid.”

“You’re all kids to me.” You can hear the irascible doctor in the background, grumbling and growling. “So, did you find him yet?”

“No, and before you ask, I'm trying to remember whether I ever knew how to walk in this much snow and if the Riverside transporter station had Eskimo dogs and sleds for rent,” you snark back.

“Touchy, touchy, kid.” You don’t have to see McCoy's face to know he's smirking at you. The man may be a southern gentleman - most of the time - but a friend still amuses him in a tough situation of their own making. “Anyone would think you didn't want to see him anymore.”

“Len …” You sigh noisily, pretending your fingers aren't trembling, like snow isn’t seeping into your boots. “This was a bad idea. There’s a reason I've been riding a booth in recruitment instead of working with Scotty on his ‘wee lass’.”

“Give him a chance to explain, kid. And if he breaks your heart, tell me, and I'll come right over and getcha. Even if I have to brave a transporter to do it.”

“You're one of the good ones, Dr. McCoy.”

His laugh makes the bile roiling in your stomach ease a little.

“I hope you know you're one of the good ones too, kid. Now bring him home.”

The comm goes dead with a sharp click, and suddenly, you're alone again, looking at the small farmhouse in front of you. It’s two-storied and quaint, with a wrap-around porch surrounding the ground floor and dark windows peering out onto the street. Snow-covered fields surround it on either side, and you think you can see bushes buried under the relentless snow.

You think it used to be white once upon a time, when it was new, with white siding, cheerful blue shutters and a dark red shingled roof - the mid-1950s American dream. The blues have faded and blended with dust, the roof browned with age. As you walk, forcing yourself to lift each foot, you catalog the way the grass has grown up through the wooden planks of the porch over long hot summers, how there is a carving which might just spell out the words “JTK was here” hidden to the side of the door.

Because, well, if you can see the jagged lines of a pen knife on aged wood, then you're definitely too close to your goals to go home. The only part of the house which doesn't look aged is the doorbell and you press it with fingers trembling with both the cold and your nerves. But you don’t hear a bell ringing. A camera unshutters, the movements well-oiled and precise. You stand still and let it scan you, holding your Starfleet identification up when prompted. But the door doesn't open.

It feels anticlimactic. All the stress, the well-meaning, gruff pep talk from the Doc, the trembling in your fingers. Who is to say he's even home? Who is to say he'd even open the door for anyone? Why did Len think he'd open the door for you? The thought of someone you adore, and yeah, you've gone way past denial to even delude yourself into thinking you like him any less than pure adoration, seeing you standing on his doorstep and refusing to open the door, hurts like a kick to the chest.

You can’t breathe as you knock gently on the wood, ignoring the splinters as they catch on your skin.

“J-Jim?” His name leaves your chapped lips like a prayer, echoing through the cold stillness around you. “Open the door, please. It's me.”

You knock until your knuckles ache, and when you pull away, there's a rusty smudge of blood on the wood. One of the splinters has done more than catch on your skin, ripping a jagged hole against the ridged bone of your hand, embedded there like the man you're trying to find is in your heart.

“I know I'm the last person you want to see out here. B-but Len suggested to Admiral Barnett that you wouldn't come back for anyone else. I tried to tell them otherwise, but nobody listened. We're worried about you, Jim. Please. Worried sick.”

You wait with bated breath for any sign of life. But none comes. You turn, fumbling for your communicator with aching fingers because at least you can tell the Admiralty you tried, right?

“If you were worried sick, why didn't you come sooner? Took ya six months to come out here … to see the famous Captain Kirk for yourself.”

Your knees go weak at the sound of his voice, but when you whirl around, your concern doesn't fade. Because you've never seen James Tiberius Kirk in such a bad state of disrepair. The just-been-fucked state of his hair is par for the course. Bloody bar fights might very well have been normal - after all, you've seen the results on his face far too many times. But drunk, so drunk you can smell the cheap alcohol seeping from his pores, hair greasy and blue eyes dull? You've never seen James T. Kirk fall so far from the pedestal he's set himself on.

“Jay…” He snorts crudely at the pet name on your tongue like he knows you don't deserve to call him that, wheeling around and back into the yawning doorway with little grace.

“Don't haveta like ya to keep you from freezin’.”

He's slurring, and your heart cracks at the rudely dismissive tone in his voice.

“Get in ‘ere, call Bones and get out.”

Jame T. Kirk is a lot of things, you know. He's smart - smarter than anyone has rights to be - and works endlessly for his crew like he'd never work for himself. But he's not a sloppy drunk. He likes alcohol as much as the next man, preferring a light buzz to quell the jitters of a perfectionist attitude without stifling his ridiculously brilliant brain. This is so far past buzzed you're not sure he even remembers what a buzz is.

Empty bottles clank and clatter against the toes of your boots as you walk in, closing the door gently. You're hit with a cloud of dust, the musty smell coating your mouth without it even being open, the fine particulate sinking into your clothing with each step. It smells like dust and rot and spilled alcohol in the enclosed space. The pungent bouquet makes your nose wrinkle, hand rising to cover your mouth and nose in a futile effort to stave the smells away. You follow Jim through the trail he's making, circumnavigating the towering piles of bottles, avoiding the puddles on the floor that may have once been bile.

The kitchen is mostly clean, even if it does smell just as bad. But at least here, there is room to move and sit. The glare you're given as you perch on the very edge of one of the cracked vinyl chairs pushed up against a small table is vitriolic enough that you can feel your resolve, cracked and patched together with string and duct tape, begin to burn.

“I told ya. Get in. Get warm. Call Bones. And get out. I don’t care what you're doing here. I just want you off my property.”

He stares at you for several moments, warm blue eyes now flinty and cold, before turning around and walking further into the house. You can hear the clattering as he knocks into things, the hushed expletives as he no doubt bashes his elbows and knees into the sides of furniture and door jambs. Once upon a time, you would have laughed, trailing after him to ask if he needed a kiss on a fresh bruise or two marring his skin. Now you’re left paralyzed between your need to make sure he is okay and your fear of overstepping.

You’re not sure how it went so wrong. One night, you’d been curled up against his side on his ratty old couch in San Francisco, warm and comfortable, soaking in the scent of his cologne. It had been a perfect night, with friends hanging out, eating good food, and drinking good alcohol. But it didn’t stay a hangout between friends. Jim was just as distracting as usual, with his pretty blue eyes and wide grin. You’d woken up the next morning, bare and aching in the best way, in his empty bed to a cold, deserted apartment. 

You weren’t sure what you’d done to make him leave. Was giving into the sexual tension with your commanding officer why he disappeared? It was a shot to your confidence and ego. He was just gone, with no note, all the clothes still in his closet, and everything untouched. You couldn’t even tell when in the middle of the night he left or where he went. It’s taken you six months to track him down. You’re not sure how long he’s been in Riverside or if he was alone the entire time, but you’ve finally found him.

It’s probably time to make some decisions. How do you convince him to come back to San Francisco? You’re not charismatic or particularly charming. Most of the time, you’re being charmed, not doing the charming. You’re yanked viciously out of your musing by the sharp thud of a body colliding with the floor. Jim’s lying at the foot of the stairs, blood seeping sluggishly from a slice on his forehead.

“Shit, Jimmy.” You soften your voice to a whisper as you lever him up. “What have you done to yourself?”

He’s sluggish and barely responsive as you sling his heavy arm over your shoulder and stagger upright. He’s completely unresponsive as you maneuver him to the living room and lay him down on the mostly clean sofa. The wound isn’t too bad, already scabbing over, but you’re more worried by how he’s been knocked out. He’s motionless, almost lifeless, were it not for the imperceptible rise and fall of his chest. You call Len three times that night - first to make sure you’re doing the right thing, second to treat the swelling, and third to get Mama McCoy’s recipe for chicken noodle soup and her award-winning pancakes.

He'll be fine, kiddo. If he's got a bump on his noggin and was as drunk as you say, he'll sleep through the night. You'll want to get some coffee in him in the morning. He'll have a bear of a hangover, but he'll be fine. Call me if you need anything, kid.

Len's advice, while comforting from a medical standpoint, only partially alleviates your worry. You spend the night in a sleepless, manic haze, focused on only two things: making sure Jim is alright and cleaning up his house, at least the kitchen and the stairs. You venture out into the cold multiple times, hauling bag after bag of trash to the big cans in the side yard, stamping the snow off your boots and shivering as you try futilely to warm up.

By the time the sun's risen, the kitchen is spotless, smelling softly of lemon cleaner, and you're no less scared than you were walking into Riverside the day before. You're terrified. Terrified at the thought of seeing censure in those blue, blue eyes. Terrified to hear James Tiberius Kirk tell you that you were only a passing flame, a quick, convenient fuck. Terrified that you’ll never be able to make him realize how much Starfleet needs him, how much you do.

The fear settles in your veins as you make an early morning trek to the grocery store. You pick up all the essentials: coffee and enough food for at least a few days more, and accept the offer of a ride back to the Kirk farmhouse. By the time the soup is bubbling away on the stove, following Mama McCoy’s exacting recipe, your nerves have soothed a little. 

Jim rockets awake at 9 o’clock on the dot, retching into the bucket you'd set by the side of the couch. Hearing him cough wretchedly into the bucket makes you feel worse than you did before. It’s a relief, knowing he’s okay, that he isn’t hurt. But he’s awake now, and you’re paralyzed. The gentle scents of coffee and buttery pancakes waft through the bright kitchen. You take comfort in it as you suck in greedy breaths to keep your rampaging heartbeat under control.

“The hell is this?” His voice is rough, deeper than usual, and just a little wondering as he takes in the magic you've wrought on his kitchen.

“Breakfast and coffee.”

He huffs, drawing his arms up across his chest, blue eyes squinting your way.

“I can see that.” 

He's stoic. Stiff-lipped and tense as he stands in the corner of the kitchen. You can feel the weight of his gaze as you flip the last few pancakes and pour the fresh coffee into a pair of mugs. You're not sure why you do it, but you step forward gingerly and press the mug into his hands. You back away slowly, like you're dealing with a spooked animal. 

His lips twitch as he looks down at the mug, his expression warring between exhaustion and anger. It's your turn to hide a grin when he takes a long sip, a grumble rather akin to a domesticated cat leaving his mouth as the rich, dark, slightly bitter liquid hits his tongue.

“What are you doing?”

You should have been expecting the question. You've had a day, a night, and months of searching to think of why. Ultimately, you stick with the simplest answer you can give him.

“I'm making breakfast. I got hungry.”

You shrug and hold out your hands, palms up to the feast laid out on the sparkling counters: buttery pancakes, golden-brown and fluffy, out-of-season blueberries piled high in a bowl, crispy strips of bacon glistening with fat in the sunlight, and the pot of coffee steaming on a trivet.

“Bullshit.” 

He yanks one of the bacon strips off the platter and crams it in his mouth. It disappears in two quick bites before his tongue darts out and laps at the grease on his fingers. You're a little weak-kneed at the motion because, unlike him, you can clearly remember what those fingers, what that tongue, can do.

“You're not here just to make me breakfast. You're here because they sent you. The Admirals. Starfleet. They want Captain Kirk as their poster boy, their golden goose. They want to parade me around, drum up more recruits and ‘boldly go’ again. They could care less about how the Federation was handicapped mere months ago - how an entire people was destroyed. Because they didn't see it coming.”

His voice is ragged, chest heaving as he sets the mug down with a sharp clack, the liquid sloshing over the sides.

“That's right.” Your voice is barely a whisper as you mop up the spill. “The Admiralty sent me. But they're not why I agreed to come to Riverside. I came to Riverside to make sure you were okay. Nobody's heard from you, Jim. We were all worried - Bones, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, Admiral Pike - I, well, I was worried. We all wanted to make sure you were okay. The Admirals just allowed me to do so without taking leave.”

“So what are you going to do?”

You grab two plates from the cabinet and start serving up some food. You mull over your response as you set the table, giving him a wide berth as you circle him to retrieve the coffee in a second trip. You settle into one of the chairs with a sigh, your aching bones relaxing into the cushioned seat, and sip the coffee doctored how you like.

“Well, for the next few days at least, I'm going to make sure you're eating and sleeping and not drinking yourself to death. Then I'm going to ask if you would ever want to come back to Starfleet if you'd ever want to be my Captain again. Regardless of your answer, I'd head back to San Francisco.”

He sits gracelessly, long limbs splayed out until his foot collides with yours, icy against your ankle. You push his mug of coffee, the expensive, real coffee you’d spent way too many credits to purchase, his way. You’re gratified at the small smile on his face when he cuts a piece of pancake, dredges it through the frankly ridiculous pool of blueberry syrup on his plate (the only syrup Len said he wasn't allergic to) and shoves it into his mouth. It’s good to see him looking a little more relaxed, to see him eat, even if he is too thin for comfort.

“So if I tell you to leave and never look back, to forget I was ever your Captain, you'd do it?”

Your heart lurches at the thought of forgetting James T. Kirk and what he means to you. But you're sure this is a test, that he's expecting you to say you can't forget him, that you won't. You're just as sure he'll never forgive you if you say those words. Because he'll take them as a betrayal and you'll lose any ground you've gained over Eleanora McCoy's pancakes and blueberry syrup.

“I promise. But only if, after I leave, you promise you'll take care of yourself. No more drinking yourself to death.”

He quirks an eyebrow, the ghost of a smile tugging his lips up.

“Fine. Okay. I promise I'll take care of myself. Now, will you leave me to eat all this food by myself, or will you help me?” 

Your response is to oh-so-maturely launch a blueberry at his face, a blueberry he catches on his tongue.

The shaky truce you’ve brokered extends until mid-afternoon when the doorbell rings, and Jim comes back with more boxes of food than you thought you'd ordered.

“This has to be a mistake,” you groan as you set vegetables in the crisper and load the freezer with meat.

“It's not a mistake.” Your eyes are wide with something starting to feel a lot like hope as you look at him. He'd showered after breakfast, and clean-shaven and sober, he looks a lot like the Jim you remember. You’re hoping he ordered the extra supplies and wants you to stay longer. But your hopes are shattered when he gestures out the kitchen window.

“Take a look outside.” 

The sky is dark, the clouds heavy and gray as they blot out the sun. Fat snowflakes spiral heavily down, and you have a sudden lurch in your chest as it accumulates far more quickly than you'd expect on the ground.

“You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd suspect you'd planned this.” 

He's hovering just behind you, close enough that you can feel the heat of his skin. Your fingers clutch at the counter because that accusation means he might not trust you even so much to take your words at face value. 

“This is a blizzard in Iowa. It'll snow for days on end, and we'll be snowed in for longer than a few days. So buckle up, buttercup. Looks like you're stuck with me!”

You stick your tongue out at him in a state of childish pique because if one day was enough to have you in a cold sweat, weeks might just kill you. The Admirals will probably be glad when you tell them. After all, it gives you more time to convince Jim Kirk to return to Starfleet. If only you were so sure it's what he wants in the same way they are.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

[ensigngareth]

Cuddle Bug

James Kirk x nb reader

It wasn't a secret that Kirk was a cuddle bug, a comfortable one at that with his extra chub on his sides. After long hard shifts (with a few red alerts), all you wanted to do was cuddle up to your captain and sleep.

Finally once the ship had settled down after the third red alert of the day, it's where you snapped, heading straight to his quarters to get some shut eye.

"Well hello lieutenant, how can I help you?" Kirk looks up from where he was sitting, smiling softly yet warmly at the sight of you, he already knew what you wanted.

You walk towards him, exhaustion pulling you down as you flop onto the small bed, making a motion for him to join you.

"Tired?" Kirk smirked as he spoke, one eyebrow raised as he joined you on the god awful bed, holding you close like the love of his life you were.

Quietly you mumbled the words into his neck, the ones of love, the ones of promise, the ones that'll stick.

"I love you."